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Chapter Text

Fíli took a hearty swig of his mead and did his best to seem appropriately attentive to the dwarrowdam in the low-cut gown who was offering not-so-subtle hints about the nobility of her bloodline. Nearby, others circled, waiting for their chance to speak to the Crown Prince.

Trade, marriage alliances, influence with the king; they all wanted something. He glanced sidelong at his brother, happily ensconced in a corner of the room with the lovely red-haired elf maid at his side. Standing with Kíli and Tauriel were some members of their Company who were not too ill-disposed toward elves—Bilbo, Bofur, Ori—and together they were a merry group.

He suppressed a sigh, wishing he could join them. But such was not to be his lot tonight; tomorrow Thorin would be crowned King Under the Mountain and he would formally be named Crown Prince. It was his duty to entertain the guests who had come to Erebor for the ceremony, no matter how much he wished he was somewhere—anywhere—else.

A portly dwarf whose name Fíli couldn’t recall soon replaced the fawning female, and promptly began asking probing questions about whether the new King planned to marry and produce sons of his own. Fíli’s heart clenched; the fact that all the questions about his and Thorin’s marriage plans were to be expected did not make them any less painful and unwelcome. He took another drink and his reply came with a decided edge, “The King has not expressed his intentions to me. You are, of course, welcome to ask him yourself.” If you dare, was the unstated addendum, which the man plainly recognized since he blanched and demurred.

Not surprisingly, the discussion of his uncle drew Fíli’s eyes to the man himself, robed magnificently in his usual royal blue, standing nearby with their cousin Dáin and various representatives of the dwarf clans as well as dignitaries from the other races. Perhaps Thorin sensed his gaze or perhaps it was happenstance, but before Fíli could look away the King glanced up to meet his eyes. The pain in his chest increased, but determined not to reveal what he was feeling he raised his glass in an ironic salute and gave his uncle a wry smile. Thorin’s scrutiny intensified, throwing his heir a questioning look.

Fíli tore his eyes away and swore to himself; his uncle had known him far too long and too well for the younger dwarf to easily conceal his moods from him. Suddenly, the room felt stifling and he excused himself, a little abruptly, from a dwarf bemoaning the poor condition of the trade road to the Grey Mountains. He pushed his way through the crowd, looking for someplace to be alone with his thoughts. His first few steps were halting; his leg wound from the Battle of Front Gate had not yet completely healed and the limb still tended to stiffen if he was standing too long. Fíli swore to himself, it was another vexation heaped on the others that seemed to fill his life these days. Fortunately for the young prince the chamber being used for the reception was one of the few in the mountain with an actual balcony, though at the moment it was empty due to the early spring chill in the night air. Heedless of the cold, Fíli stepped out onto the balcony and closed the door behind him.

He leaned against the balcony rail and shivered, and not just from the cold, as his mind went back to the first time Thorin had touched him as something other than—more than—a beloved uncle. As a dwarfling Fíli had always been keenly aware of his uncle, longing for both his company and his approval. But it was not until Fíli was of age that he began to notice how Thorin watched him at times, eyes hooded, and that an affectionate hand on his shoulder was oftimes pressed too deeply and held too long. Even more surprising was how it made him feel; the warmth that curled in his belly, and how he hoped that Thorin’s attention to him would both stop and that it would never stop.

-ooo-

Fíli awoke from a deep sleep that night, unusually thirsty. The stone floor was cool, but not enough to dissuade him from padding barefoot into the kitchen. Apparently he had only been sleeping for a short time because his uncle looked up from his book in his seat by the fire when the young dwarf crossed the main room of their home in Ered Luin.

“Fíli, lad, what are doing awake?” Thorin asked softly.

“Just getting a drink, Uncle. Is Mother asleep?”

Thorin grunted, “Aye, some time ago. I’m planning to head to bed soon myself.”

He smiled at his uncle, a little shyly. For some reason it made him feel more adult that he was sharing this late night interlude alone with the older dwarf. When Fíli passed through to the kitchen Thorin laid down his book and followed him, leaning against the door frame companionably to continue their conversation.

Fíli could not know how Thorin saw him, golden hair tousled and cheeks still pink from the warmth of his blankets. The thin nightshirt he wore did little to conceal his strong body, and when the lad walked in front of the fire it was obvious he was wearing nothing beneath it. Thorin was certain he had never beheld anything more beautiful, and it stirred something in him that had long been present but until this moment kept firmly in check.

All his nephew knew was that his much admired uncle had unexpectedly sought out his company and was watching him with an intensity that made his heart beat faster. He got his drink but then leaned against the kitchen table, in no real hurry to return to bed.

“Dwalin tells me that you did especially well in the practice bouts today,” Thorin told him with a smile. “Bested an older and much bigger lad.”

Fíli nodded, his face flushing with pleasure at the praise. “Yes, I really enjoy fighting with two blades, and the lads I spar with aren’t very good at countering it yet.”

He uncle nodded in reply, “If it works for you, you should keep with it. It’ll always give you somewhat of an advantage, though not as much with a more experienced opponent.” Thorin’s brow creased and he pointed to Fíli’s upper arm, asking, “What happened here?”

With a start Fíli realized that his uncle had seen a large bruise that was visible through the linen of his nightshirt. “Oh, nothing,” he smiled, “just one that got through my guard."

To his surprise, Thorin stepped forward to grasp his arm and pushed up his sleeve to get a better look at his injury. His hands were strong and calloused from the forge but felt soft as his thumb scribed gentle circles on his skin.

“It looks painful,” Thorin chuckled. Rather than releasing Fíli as he expected, he leaned forward and caught the young dwarf’s chin in his hand. “You’ve turned into quite the handsome young dwarf these past few years, my lad.”

“I have?” the young prince squeaked in surprise, and then reddened in mortification—he had sounded like a dwarfling! “I…I mean, thank you for noticing, Uncle Thorin.”

“Oh, I’m surely not the only one who has noticed, Fíli,” the older dwarf replied, his eyes never leaving Fíli’s face. The blond’s heart raced and his breath came short as he recognized what could only be heated desire in his uncle’s eyes. Even more startling was his own body’s strong reaction to the closeness and the intoxicating warmth radiating off the older dwarf’s muscular frame. He felt he should say something to hint at his own attraction, but what?

Thorin must have had a suspicion of what the boy was feeling because next his thumb grazed Fíli’s lips as he dipped his face close, his other hand sliding to Fíli’s shoulder. “May I?” he murmured, erasing any remaining doubt in the young dwarf’s mind regarding Thorin’s intentions.

Still scarcely able to believe what was happening, he whispered “Yes,” in a shaking voice and closed his eyes. Soft lips brushed his, hesitantly at first, but when Fíli responded eagerly he felt a hungry tongue part his lips. The young dwarf gasped and returned the kiss, his arousal growing as Thorin dropped his hands to his nephew’s waist and pulled him tight against his hard body. Fíli clutched the dark-haired dwarf dizzily; he had kissed others before, both male and female, but it had never felt like this.

With a moan Thorin turned him, pressing Fíli’s back against the wall near the door. He paused, breathing heavily, and touched his forehead to the blond’s, “Say the word and I will stop, Fíli.”

“Mahal, no, don’t stop, please, Thorin!” Fíli panted, winding his fingers into the dark locks. The older dwarf didn’t reply, except by grinding his hips into Fíli’s, making it clear was just as aroused as his nephew.

Fíli moaned and clung harder as Thorin roughly pushed up his nightshirt to run his hands along the boy’s chest and flanks. The blond groaned in surprise and pleasure when his uncle took his hardening length in hand. “Fili,” Thorin gasped, “unfasten my breeches.”

He moved to comply, his own arousal increasing at the feel of the hard cock straining against the fabric. But also for the first time Fíli felt a jolt of fear; he knew how men could couple, though he had never done it himself. He was not at all certain he was ready for anything of that sort.

The older man’s cock sprang free from its confinement and Fíli forced himself to ask, “What…what are you going to do?”

Thorin looked down at him, a sympathetic smile on his face, “Don’t worry, lad, I would never try to take you unprepared, especially with you so inexperienced.” Instead he slid his hard length against Fili’s, and the blond had never dreamed anything could feel so good. He leaned against the wall and gasped, unable to express a coherent thought.

When Thorin wrapped one large hand around both their cocks it was apparent what he had in mind; Fíli could only pant in anticipation. To his surprise, his uncle paused and met his eyes, “Fíli, your body is telling me that you want this, but you must tell me as well.”

The younger dwarf hooked one hand around Thorin’s neck to pull him close and kiss him deeply for a brief moment. When their lips parted, he moaned, “Do it!”

Thorin smiled and began to stroke hard; Fíli was shocked how much more intense it felt than the times when he had pleasured himself. He began gasping loudly as his climax neared, calling his uncle’s name, his limbs shaking. The older dwarf leaned forward and whispered, “Come for me, lad,” before covering the boy’s mouth with his own to silence his cries of pleasure. And come they did—Fíli first, spilling his seed between them, with his uncle climaxing soon after. The young dwarf slumped against the wall, so overwhelmed by what he had experienced that he was unsure his legs would support him.

“Here, Fíli, sit,” Thorin said, guiding the blond to a kitchen chair. He then found a clean rag which he used to cleanse them both while Fíli watched self-consciously. Once he was done he pulled a chair next to the boy and caught his eyes, resting a hand on his shoulder. “Fíli,” he began, “I think you know that this is something that we need to keep between the two of us.”

Fíli nodded vigorously, “Oh, yes! I…I don’t even really know what I’d say about it!”

Thorin smiled, “I understand that well, lad. Perhaps what we’ve done is unwise, but I can’t bring myself to regret it,” he said with a thoughtful look on his face. “For now, you should go back to bed. We’ll talk later, once you’ve had a chance to sort out your feelings and think about whether you’d like to…continue,” he added hesitantly.

The blond stilled for a moment before meeting his uncle’s eyes, “Do…do you want to continue?”

Thorin sighed and gave his shoulder a brief squeeze, “Mahal help me, Fíli, I do.” He kissed the boy’s brow and sent him back to bed, Fíli’s mind awash with a mixture of confusion and exhilaration.

Although they hadn’t made love that night, that first clandestine meeting was followed by others, and a day came when Fíli shuddered his release in Thorin’s grip while the older dwarf chased his own climax, buried to the hilt inside his nephew.

Thorin was cautious and often they went days or weeks between trysts if no opportunity presented itself for them to meet discreetly. No one seemed to notice what was going on with them, not even Kíli, though the sharp regret that Fíli felt at keeping the affair secret from his brother never truly abated. So it was a considerable surprise one day when Dwalin pulled the young prince aside after weapons practice and told him that he knew that he and Thorin were lovers.

Dwalin laid a heavy hand on his shoulder and met his eyes, his face drawn in concern. “I know that Thorin has taken you to his bed, Fíli,” the big dwarf said in a low voice.

Fíli’s eyes widened and his breath came short, “What? No! I…I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Laddie,” Dwalin scoffed, rolling his eyes, “I’ve seen how he looks at you when he thinks no one is watching. Besides, I caught the two of you behind the stable the other day.”

The young dwarf’s heart sank; ‘the other day’ had been a quick fumble that left them both more aroused than sated. Fíli had worried they might be seen, but it had been so long since the last time and Thorin wanted it so much…

Fíli closed his eyes briefly and puffed out a breath in dismay. He clutched Dwalin’s arm and pleaded, “Please, Dwalin, don’t tell Mother! It would break her heart if she knew!”

“Aye, it would, and your uncle would need to run far and fast if he doesn’t want to be gelded.” Dwalin sighed, “No, I hadn’t planned to tell her; you are of age and who you take as a lover is your own business. But as someone who’s watched you grow from a wee dwarfling to the fine, strong dwarf you are now, I need to be certain that this is truly your choice.”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Fíli asked indignantly.

“Because he is your uncle, your king, and a dwarf you admire who is twice your age.” Dwalin shook his head ruefully, “And I know that both you and your brother would crawl to Erebor and back to win his favor.”

Fíli pulled away, anger rising in him, “You think he’s using me? That he doesn’t care for me? How do you know that? He picked me. He wants me.”

Dwalin sighed deeply, “Oh, Fíli, Mahal knows he wants you, I don’t doubt that in the least. Why wouldn’t he? You’re a handsome, well-built lad who looks at him like he could forge the stars anew if he tried. But right now he’s thinking with his cock and not considering what might be best for you. Don’t you go thinking with your cock as well.”

“I want this, Dwalin, truly,” Fíli told him earnestly.

The older dwarf nodded, “There it is, then. I won’t say another word against it if that’s where your heart lies. But,” Dwalin began, raising one bushy eyebrow, his gaze intent on Fíli, “I love your uncle like a brother and know his flaws as well as my own. Fact is, there’s no more stubborn dwarf born than Thorin, especially when it comes to getting something he desires. If there comes a time when you decide warming his bed is no longer what you want and he has trouble accepting that, you let me know, understood?”

“I…I understand. Thank you, Dwalin,” Fíli murmured, bolting away at the first opportunity.

That was the last conversation they had on the subject. Thorin came home that evening with a spectacular black eye and a very unconvincing explanation of how he had acquired it. The matter was never discussed between them, but the next time they were alone together his uncle was particularly affectionate and solicitous. However, Dwalin’s knowledge of their relationship yielded expected benefits when the Company set out for Erebor. Although it was clear that he never fully approved, he could be depended upon to look the other way if they chose to steal away for a time during his watch.

They had snuck out of Beorn’s house, blanket in hand, as Dwalin snorted and turned away, pretending not to see them. The air was warm and the grass soft beneath them as they came together under a night sky awash with stars. Afterward, Fili nestled himself against Thorin’s bare chest, feeling warm and sated. The older dwarf kissed his hair, one hand stroking circles on his back and shoulders. Thorin chuckled, “Ah, Fíli, my lad, it’s been far too long since we’ve done this.”

Fíli sighed contentedly; it seemed like an age since he had felt like this. Too often he had hopefully met Thorin’s eyes across the campfire to get a look of cool refusal in return. He knew the quest was important, he knew they had to be careful, but it was hard to be shut out so frequently.

“I’ve missed this too, so much.” Fíli murmured. He ran his fingers through silver-streaked hair and pulled himself up to kiss Thorin lightly on the lips. “Please tell me about Erebor, Thorin.”

His uncle chuckled and began speaking, repeating well-known stories of his lost homeland. In truth, Fíli only half listened; he knew the older dwarf loved speaking of Erebor and he loved the sound of Thorin’s deep voice. Under the spell of his uncle’s words, Fíli’s thoughts soon found their own way to Erebor, and he dreamed of their triumphant return if somehow they were able to rid their mountain kingdom of Smaug. What could be better than exploring the magnificent halls of their forefathers with Kíli at his side?

Kíli …and there it was, the familiar jolt of pain that always accompanied thoughts of his brother when he and Thorin were together as lovers. He swallowed thickly and glanced up, realizing the dark-haired dwarf had fallen silent. There was a small, contented smile on Thorin’s face—perhaps now would be a good time to broach the subject.

“Unc…Thorin,” he began, barely able to cover his misstep in time. He knew Thorin hated being called ‘Uncle’ when they were alone together like this, but it was sometimes hard to readjust his thinking. “I was wondering whether perhaps I might tell Kíli about us, sometime soon.” He went on in a rush, “After all, Dwalin knows and that hasn’t been a problem…”

Fíli felt Thorin stiffen underneath him and frown, sighing deeply. He sat up, dislodging the younger dwarf from his place on his chest. “Fíli, I do not understand why you persist in asking such things. Telling your brother is not at all the same thing as Dwalin knowing—Kíli cannot be relied upon to keep such a secret, and besides, it’s not as if I wanted Dwalin to learn of it!”

“Thorin, you do Kíli an injustice—he would be surprised, but I’m certain he would never tell anyone. I…I trust him, and it hurts me to keep this from him,” Fíli said pleadingly.

“Fíli, I said no, and that is my final word on the subject,” Thorin said brusquely. He stood and began gathering his clothing. “Come, it is time to go back to the others.”

Fighting back tears, Fíli dressed quickly, careful not to catch Thorin’s eyes. He silently folded the blanket and started back toward the house.

To his surprise, Thorin caught his arm, “I am sorry that I was so harsh, my lad, I did not mean to hurt you. It’s just that…now is not a good time.” He slipped an arm around Fíli’s shoulder and pressed a kiss to his temple, “When we take back Erebor, all will be better, you’ll see.”

-ooo-

Thinking back on those times made Fíli’s heart ache. Despite all the perils of the journey, and uncertainty about what awaited them at the end of it, he was happy. The young prince never truly doubted the rightness of their quest, Thorin’s leadership of it, or the place he and Kíli held in their uncle’s heart. That is, until the morning of Durin’s Day on the dock at Laketown.

But those happier memories came with the brutal recognition of what was missing. Despite all they had shared during their moments of intimacy, secret and infrequent as they were, Thorin had never expressed a wish that they might have a future together, or uttered any words love of that might give Fíli hope that their relationship could be more than it was. He cursed softly to himself; what a trusting fool he had been!

He heard the balcony door open. “Fíli? What are you doing out here in the cold?”

Fíli tensed; even now hearing Thorin’s velvet tones sent a thrill coursing through him. Unable to trust his voice, he turned to watch his King approach, keeping his expression as neutral as possible despite the burning in his chest. “I thought we’d lost you, Fíli my lad,” Thorin said jovially, “and it wouldn’t do to misplace the Crown Prince on the night before the coronation.”

The younger dwarf snorted, remembering how much he had once loved being called ‘my lad’ by his uncle; now it just felt like mockery. “I think the Crown Prince has outgrown being called a lad, even by you,” he said coolly.

Thorin, who had been reaching to clasp his arm, now recoiled, “You know I meant nothing by it! What is troubling you, Fíli?"

“Not here,” Fíli replied tersely.

“Very well, then,” Thorin replied, eyes never leaving Fili’s face. “Most of the guests have retired already, so why don’t you come to my room in two hours time; there are several things we must discuss.”

“Fine,” Fíli answered, striding into the reception chamber and pausing only to grab a bottle of mead from a side table before seeking the door. And although he knew that his uncle watched his exit, he did not realize that a pair of warm brown eyes also followed him with consternation.

Chapter Text

Shucking his uncomfortable formal robes immediately upon arrival in his suite, Fíli pulled on a pair of patched and worn trousers and tunic that had made the long journey from the Blue Mountains with him. He hadn’t bothered to light the lamps so the room was illuminated only by the fire, and he glanced around a bit uncomfortably before settling into a seat by the fireplace. He shook his head, suspecting that tomorrow’s ceremony would do little to ease his discomfort at the trappings of royalty; why, his suite was nearly as large as the entire first floor of their home in Ered Luin! He thought longingly of the cozy bedroom he had shared with Kíli as he reached for the bottle of mead and poured himself a glass.

He was well into his second glass and contemplating the advisability of getting stone-faced drunk before his meeting with Thorin when there was a loud knock on the door. Fíli groaned to himself, feeling in no fit state for company, and he hoped that if he ignored it whoever it was would go away.

After a pause the knocking resumed, and his brother’s voice came floating through the door, “Fíli, it’s me. I know you’re in there, the guard said he saw you coming this way. If you’ve got a lass in there, say so now because I’m coming in.”

A moment later the door opened and Kíli’s head appeared in the doorway. Fíli rolled his eyes, “Even if I’d had a lass in here, you didn’t give me time to speak, you idiot.”

Kíli grinned and let himself in. “I was just trying to preserve your dignity, brother. I knew there was no lass, sorry sod that you are.” He plopped down next to Fíli and eyed the bottle, “Drinking alone in the dark? You are a sorry sod.”

Fíli shrugged, “Rough day. Long night.”

“If you’re going to drink, you should at least have some company. Some of us are meeting in my suite—you know, the Company—to have our own celebration before the ceremony tomorrow. You should join us, have some fun,” Kíli said with a smile, nudging his brother with his shoulder. “Everyone was saying how they never see you anymore except in Council and the like. I never see you anymore.”

His brother sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face, “I’m sorry Kíli, I’d like to, but I have to meet Thorin later.”

“At this hour? What does he want to talk about?” Kíli asked in surprise.

Fíli shrugged again, muttering, “Didn’t say,” despite the fact he had more than an inkling of what Thorin might wish to discuss.

They fell silent for a few moments, and when Kíli spoke again, his voice was contemplative, “I remember when we used to talk about defeating the dragon and reclaiming Erebor—all the things we’d do and how wonderful it would be. It’s turned out to be a lot different than we expected, but we all survived and we’ve done what we set out to do. But I…I just always imagined at this point we’d both be happy.”

“So you’re telling me that winning the love of a beautiful elf-maid doesn’t make you happy?” Fíli said jokingly. Before Kíli could protest, he continued, “As for me, well, being Crown Prince and helping rule Erebor is lot less fun and more work than I expected. But you know, all in all I can’t complain.”

Kíli rolled his eyes and gave his brother a scornful look, “Fíli, don’t treat me like I’m stupid, I know something is bothering you. You work constantly and stay holed up here the rest of the time. You don’t talk to our friends, and you don’t talk to me, for Mahal’s sake! You’re either angry or sad all the time…”

“I’m not angry at you!” Fíli objected.

“I know that. But you’re still angry at Thorin, don’t try to deny it. You can barely stand to look at him anymore. He knows it too, and I can see how much it pains him.”

Fíli snorted dismissively and turned away to gaze into the fire.

Kíli leaned against his brother and asked plaintively, “Nadad, why are you still so angry with him?

“You have to ask?” Fíli growled. “Thorin left you to die when you were wounded, and he threatened to kill Bilbo for trying to stop a senseless war!”

“Fíli, that was partly my fault for hiding how badly injured I was! Besides, he knows he made mistakes and regrets them. Both Bilbo and I have forgiven him, why can’t you?”

Fíli looked away and said lightly, “It just proves you’re a better person than I am.”

To his surprise, Kíli hissed angrily, “Don’t you dare say that, not even in jest! I know how hard you’ve worked and what a heavy burden it has been to be Thorin’s heir. I know how much you’ve taken on so I wouldn’t have to. You’re strong, and good, and selfless, and twice the dwarf I’ll ever be! I’m proud to have you for a brother, and don’t you forget it!”

Fíli stared at his brother in astonishment for a moment, then gathered Kíli in his arms and buried his face in his hair. He fought to hold back his tears, afraid if he started crying he wouldn’t be able to stop.

His brother held him and patted his back soothingly for a time, finally saying, “You know, I used to be jealous of how close you and Thorin were. He’d spend time with you and take you places because you are his heir, and the way he looked at you…I could tell he was so proud of you.”

“Kili,” his brother protested, “Thorin loves you too, and I know he’s proud of you.”

“Shush, I know that, let me finish. Eventually I noticed the price you paid…how hard he was on you and how much he expected of you. He’d let me get away with things that would have gotten you punished.

Fíli snorted, “I could have told you that!”

“Hush, you,” Kíli chuckled. “The point is that maybe it’s because he demanded so much of you that you find it hard to forgive the mistakes he’s made.”

“Kíli, that’s surprisingly insightful,” Fíli laughed. “Maybe it is.”

Kíli smirked, “I’ll have you know I have ‘hidden depths’; at least that’s what Tauriel tells me.” He chuckled at his brother’s incredulous look, then grew serious again, “Try to forgive him, please, Fíli, for my sake?” After a moment Fíli nodded, a bit reluctantly, and Kíli continued, glancing at his brother shrewdly, “I can tell that something else is weighing on your heart, nadad, other than Thorin’s actions during the gold sickness. I wish you’d tell me what it is.”

Fíli’s heart clenched; how he longed to reveal that secret, and share his fears and uncertainties with someone he could trust! But what was the point if, as he suspected, Thorin planned to tell him they should no longer be lovers? “Thank you, Kíli,” he said sincerely, “but it is something I have to work out for myself.

His brother nodded and stood, “I’d better go, the others will be waiting.”

Fíli gave him a knowing smile, “Yes, I’m sure you don’t want to keep Tauriel waiting.” He met Kili’s eyes, “Despite all the teasing, know that it warms my heart to see you so happy.”

Kíli rolled his eyes, “I can’t be truly happy if you aren’t, idiot. So whatever is causing you grief, fix it.”

The elder prince sighed as he watched his brother depart. As the door closed behind the younger dwarf, he whispered, “I’m just not certain there’s happiness enough for the both of us, nadadith.”

-ooo-

Fíli decided against finishing the bottle of mead after his conversation with his brother, so it was a heavyhearted but relatively sober dwarf prince who found himself knocking on his king’s door a short while later.

“Come!” Fíli entered his uncle’s suite and found him alone, not unexpectedly. What was more of a surprise was the warm smile that greeted him and the fact that Thorin had replaced the elaborate tunic he had worn at the reception and with a dressing gown and soft breeches. A dressing gown that, Fíli noted, revealed a significant portion of Thorin’s unquestionably impressive chest. The prince stopped in his tracks, suddenly disoriented and unsure—this was not at all the greeting he had anticipated.

Thorin rose from behind his desk and swiftly closed the distance between the two of them. “Fíli, my l— Fíli, thank you for coming. I have been wishing to speak to you for some time.” His uncle was standing close enough that Fíli had to look up to meet his eyes, Thorin’s voice a warm rumble in his chest that sent an unwelcome surge of desire through the younger dwarf.

“Here, come sit down,” Thorin added, gesturing to a comfortable seating area by the fire. Fíli sat, more than a little wary, and his uncle joined him, nearby but thankfully not so close that that he felt crowded.

“Fíli…” Thorin murmured, gazing at him with a soulful look in his deep blue eyes that in the past had always turned his knees to water.

Not this time, Fíli thought fiercely. When the older dwarf raised a hand to stroke his hair Fíli pushed it aside and snapped, “Don’t…just, don’t.”

Thorin looked as if he’d been slapped. “Of…of course,” he stammered. “I do not expect us to simply pick up where we left off…”

Seeing the older dwarf so unsettled gave him courage—and made him angry. Does he really think I’ll just coming running when he calls? After all that has happened? Aloud, he said coolly, “Wise, considering the last time you touched me you were so lost in the gold sickness you could scarcely remember my name.” It had been the night before the battle and Thorin’s love-making had been rough and peremptory; Fíli had only gone with him because he had been ordered to do so.

Thorin paled and dropped his head, unable to meet his nephew’s eyes.

Fíli glared at him, eyes blazing, the tight coil of pain that had been festering in his heart for so long fueling his anger. “Not to mention there are a number of other matters that lie unresolved between us,” he added bitterly. “For instance, that you would have left my brother, your own sister-son, alone to die among strangers. Or that you threatened to murder our burglar, without whose wit and courage we would have never reached Erebor in the first place!”

He was half expecting Thorin to lash out, angrily defending his actions; after all he had never permitted criticism before, and certainly not from his heir. But instead he looked up to meet Fíli’s gaze, his face stricken, “Fíli, I know that I wronged you grievously in my madness. I cannot tell you how much I regret it, how much it shames me; that I hurt you, the one person who most deserves my tender affection. I…I know you may never hold me in the same regard you once did, but please let me try to atone for causing you such pain.”

Fíli’s chest constricted; he desperately wanted to trust Thorin, to have a reason to release the pain, anger and resentment that had been slowly but surely blighting his life. “If you expect me to believe you, you need to explain what took so damn long.” he croaked. “It has been weeks since the dragon was defeated and you’ve scarcely spoken to me except as your heir!”

Thorin slumped back on the cushions with a sigh, looking inexpressibly weary. “At first, we were both too injured; after that, I…I lost my nerve. I had hurt you so much already that I convinced myself that you would be better off without me. Then Kíli came to me to say how worried he was about you, that you seemed to be troubled and in pain, but he did not know why.” He shook his head, “Of course, I knew why, and it struck me to the heart that it was so.” Thorin smiled wryly and continued, “But before I could screw up my courage to actually do something, Dwalin confronted me and promised to blacken both eyes this time if I didn’t at least attempt to set things right between us. Needless to say, it would have been very difficult to explain why the Commander of the King’s Guard felt the need to blacken the King’s eyes,” he chuckled ruefully. “Again, I can only say how much I regret that my cowardice caused you pain.”

Fíli gazed at him searchingly, and whispered, his heart in his throat, “Was it really that easy for you to just…give up on us?”

His uncle leaned toward him and said urgently, “Mahal, no, Fíli! It hurt like dragon fire to think of losing you… That I’d never be able to touch you again…” Hesitantly, Thorin reached for him once more, and this time Fíli did not protest, allowing him to bury his fingers in his golden mane as a choked sob escaped his lips.

For Fíli, it felt more like coming home than Erebor ever had. He closed his eyes and let Thorin’s strong fingers comb through his hair as he had so often before. When he opened his eyes, his uncle was there, close enough for their noses to touch, black hair shot with silver falling around them like a curtain. The tender look in Thorin’s blue eyes was one that Fíli had not seen in what seemed like an eternity.

They were both breathing hard, and against his better judgment Fíli reached up to twine his fingers in the dark hair and urge him closer. Thorin breathed against his lips, “Fíli, my beautiful boy… How I have missed you, my golden one…” Their lips met, tenderly at first, but the kisses quickly became heated as their bodies recalled a lover’s touch. Fíli’s hands dropped lower to tug off the dressing gown off Thorin’s broad shoulders while the older dwarf growled his pleasure and slid his hands under Fíli’s shirt.

Suddenly, Thorin sat up and released his lover, breathing heavily, “I am sorry Fíli, I…I did not mean to do that.”

Fíli stared at him in astonishment, “You didn’t mean to do it? You were kissing me accidentally?” he demanded in an outraged voice, feeling foolish for having given in to his desire for Thorin so easily.

“No, no, I meant to do it—I want to do it, Mahal knows how much—but I promised myself I would ask you something first.”

Fíli’s face abruptly closed. Eyes narrowed, he regarded Thorin stonily, “What do you want to ask me?”

“I…I…err…” Thorin stopped, looking profoundly uncomfortable. “I…I know I could order you to do this, but I was hoping that could be avoided; that you would agree with the necessity…”

“Tell me,” Fíli ground out.

Sensing just how badly this was going, Thorin unwisely decided to brazen it out. He raised his chin and said firmly, “Fíli, I wish for you to take a wife. To produce an heir, of course. Two, preferably.”

Fíli was standing in an instant, breathing hard and glaring murderously at his lover. “You bastard,” he breathed. "You heartless, orc-shagging bastard.

“That was the reason you wanted me to come tonight. That was the reason for the heartfelt apology, the…the endearments. You care for nothing except my compliance!"

“Fíli, you know that is not true!”

“Do I? Do I really? What I do know is how much it hurts to hear all the speculation about whether you will marry now that Erebor is restored. How much it hurts to think that you would take some female to your bed, and forget about me entirely. But now, your majesty, the idea is rather beginning to grow on me,” Fíli added, his tone surprisingly calm, though his eyes were blazing. “After all, it clearly does not matter where you put your cock as long as it gets you what you want!”

Thorin stood and gazed at the younger dwarf, his eyes haunted, “You…you don’t understand, Fíli, I cannot do that. I will not do that. You are my heir, I have never wanted another. You know that if I have sons it will be assumed that they will succeed me. I will not do anything that risks your place as the next King of Erebor.”

Fíli blinked in astonishment, “You would forego the chance to have your own sons to insure that I will inherit?”

“Aye, I would,” he said firmly. Then Thorin sighed and looked way. “There is another reason to consider as well. You know that I am not happy about your brother and that…elf,” he told him, mouth pinched in distaste.

“Her name is Tauriel, uncle, and she saved Kíli’s life,” Fíli retorted dryly.

“I am aware of that, Fíli, and I am trying to reconcile myself to it. But regardless, there would be far less opposition to their relationship if you were to marry and have heirs.”

The young prince felt like he’d been punched in the gut. “You know,” he said tightly, “I believe I liked you better when you had the gold sickness. At least then you just fucked me without trying to manipulate me as well.” The bitterest pill to swallow was the fact that Thorin was undoubtedly correct; if any children Kíli and Tauriel might have were outside the direct line of succession their elven blood would be seen as much less problematic.

“Congratulations, uncle, you have found the one bribe that I cannot refuse.” Thorin flinched at Fili’s tone; the edge in his voice was unmistakable. The prince took a deep breath. “I agree that I will find a wife and endeavor to produce offspring in a timely manner if you agree to allow Kili and Tauriel to marry. I assume that is acceptable to you, your majesty?” He turned toward the door. “If you’ll excuse me, I have a date with a bottle.” Despite his flippant tone, hurt and anger were etched on his face.

“Please wait!” Thorin called. Fíli paid him no heed; in desperation the king followed him and clasped his arm in an iron grip crying, “Fíli, stop.”

It had the desired effect, at least temporarily. Fíli turned to his uncle, breathing heavily, eyes hard, “Thorin, you are my king and I honor that. But while there are many things that you can order me to do, I do not believe you can force me to stay here against my will. And I am certain that you cannot order me into your bed.”

Thorin released his arm with a deep sigh. “Fíli, I know I have gone about this in every wrong way possible, and I understand why you would hate me. I am asking you—nay, begging you—to stay and give me a chance to explain.”

Fíli looked away; despite his anger, it was hard to bear the pain in Thorin’s eyes. “Say what you have to say,” he said quietly.

Thorin’s shoulders slumped in relief, “Thank you, lad.” He ran a hand through his hair pensively, “Where to begin?” He met his nephew’s eyes, his voice low and intense, “If you believe it gives me any joy to think of you marrying, you could not be more wrong. It is…agony to think of giving you to some young, pretty thing who will share your bed and your life and give you children.

“I have been…selfish, I know that,” he continued, “to take you as a lover when you were so young and inexperienced, and to let you to cleave to me for so long.” He extended a hand toward Fíli hesitantly, and when the prince did not pull away he laid a gentle hand on his cheek. “You are so young…so beautiful… You could have anyone you desire and it is still a wonder that you gave yourself to me, at least for a time. You have been my treasure, ghivashel, and have given me such joy that it breaks my heart to think I squandered your love and loyalty so for little.”

Fíli stared at him in astonishment; Thorin had never been one to easily reveal his heart, and having him do so now was almost painful. “Thorin,” he replied, still unsure whether he should trust what he was hearing, “when I came here tonight I thought you no longer cared, that you wanted to end things between us. Why have you never said anything like this before?”

Thorin smiled sadly, “Because I’m a foolish old dwarf who took far too long to realize what I truly value—what I should value. Please believe me when I say that I am willing to go back to being simply uncle and nephew, king and heir if that is what you desire. But all of this,” he gestured to the sumptuous room around them and Fíli knew that he meant the Mountain as well, “will be worth nothing if all you can feel for me now is hatred.”

The king’s dark eyes glittered with unshed tears as Fíli stepped closer to him. Hands shaking, he pulled Thorin to his chest, fighting to get his words past the constriction in his throat. “Thorin, there has been much joy for me as well,” he said fiercely.

A sound like a sob escaped Thorin’s lips as he roughly returned the prince’s embrace. “I love you, Fíli, son of Dís, and my heart is yours as long as you choose to claim it.” Wordlessly, they clutched each other for some time, taking comfort in the familiar embrace. Finally, Thorin pulled free and touched his forehead to Fíli’s. “I only wish I could offer you more, my love; above all else I wish I could publicly acknowledge that you are the one that holds my heart. But I fear that if I were to do so it would taint your position as my heir—many would question whether you had earned that honor not through your own merits but because you are my lover."

Fíli sighed and nodded, “I understand, Thorin. I never really expected it to be otherwise.” He met Thorin’s eyes, his face pensive, “Are the reasons you gave for wanting me to marry the true ones?”

“Oh, aye,” Thorin sighed, “I wish it were not so. We need heirs for the line of Durin and the opposition to a half-elven heir would be…formidable. But I cannot in good conscience force you to do something that I am unwilling to do myself. Tell me—is it that you do not wish to have children?”

Fíli smiled ruefully, “On the contrary, I would quite like to have children, though in honesty the idea of bedding a female to sire them holds little appeal for me. I have found that is not at all where my…interests lie. I also do not wish to be unkind and promise affection—desire—that I do not feel.”

Thorin nodded, “I certainly understand that. Perhaps we can find a dwarrowdam that is amiable enough, but more interested in having children than a husband to warm her bed every night.” His eyes met Fíli’s and his voice fell, “Since it is my bed you will be in every night if I have anything to say about it.” He pulled the blond close and pressed his lips to his brow. “But seeing your children born and watching them grow would bring me immeasurable joy.”

Fíli chuckled, “That I have never doubted.”

“You…you would have me, then?” Thorin asked, his voice low and uncertain. “You would stand at my side as my lover as well as my heir?”

The young prince gazed at him for a moment, torn between desire and fear. Fíli had no illusions that all the problems between them could be resolved so simply, but it also was no easier to consider casting aside someone he had loved so much for so long. Finally he whispered, “That’s all I ever wanted, Thorin, since that night in the kitchen in Ered Luin.” He reached up to catch the taller dwarf’s bearded chin in his hand and gently pulled it down until they were eye to eye. As light as a feather’s touch Fíli brushed his lips against Thorin’s and whispered, “Âzyungâl.”

Chapter Text

He reached up to catch the taller dwarf’s bearded chin in his hand and gently pulled it down until they were eye to eye. As light as a feather’s touch Fíli brushed his lips against Thorin’s and whispered, “Âzyungâl.”

For a moment Thorin stilled as if frozen, then clutching his young lover against him with shaking hands. Their bodies crashed together, soon to be followed by their lips as he cradled Fíli’s head and kissed him fiercely. “Mahal, Fíli, how I have missed you,” he cried. “I was such a fool to put off this meeting for so long!” Thorin’s hands dropped to the blond’s waist and he moaned as their bodies ground together.

Fíli met him with equal enthusiasm, kissing and nipping his way across Thorin’s throat and shoulder. “Well, my liege, we will just have a think of some way for you to atone for your misdeeds,” Fíli chuckled. He slid a hand between their bodies to palm Thorin’s rapidly hardening erection, causing him to curse and buck against his hand.

“What do you have in mind, my lad?” Thorin murmured, this deep voice sending a shiver down Fíli’s spine.

The young prince flicked his eyes toward the bedroom, where a massive and ornately carved and canopied bed was visible though the open door. “It seems that we have a very large and soft bed available to us, completely devoid of sticks, rocks, plant life and other uncomfortable obstacles. Not to mention that there we are unlikely to be attacked by wild animals or stumbled upon by dwarves looking for a place to piss.”

The King pondered for a moment, “That sounds very tempting, but I think this occasion call something a little more…special. Unique.” His voice fell and he gave Fíli a dark look that sent a jolt of pure lust through the young dwarf. “Majestic.”

“But…but...Thorin, when was the last time we shared such a bed?” Fíli sputtered.

Thorin’s brow creased, “Never that I recall.”

“My point exactly!”

The dark-haired dwarf buried one hand in Fíli’s bright hair and pulled them together until their foreheads touched. “The bed will be here tomorrow, ghivashel, and all the days after that.” Despite his disappointment, Fíli was warmed by Thorin’s implication that they would have many more nights together.

He kissed Fíli on the brow and then released him to stride toward the bedroom. “But now I need to change. Not even the King should be observed walking the corridors of Erebor so casually dressed.”

Fíli made an abortive gesture with his hand and let out a frustrated sigh as he watched his lover walk away.

On hearing him, the King stopped and turned back toward his lover, “What is it Fíli?”

The young dwarf reddened and looked away, “It is nothing of import.”

“Fíli…”

Fíli puffed out a breath in embarrassment, “It’s just that I like that dressing gown on you.”

“Do you indeed?” Thorin smiled, his eyes dark. “Then you shall see it again.”

In a short time Thorin had returned, and although his clothes weren’t quite as travel-worn as Fíli’s the tunic and trousers he wore were quite plain, a sharp contrast to the rich robes he had been wearing of late as King Under the Mountain. Seeing him like this, looking for all the world like the hardworking smith who had helped raise him in Ered Luin, and  Fíli felt a sharp pang of nostalgia, and wondered if he truly wished to go back to those times if he could.

They left the King’s apartment together and continued out of the Royal wing entirely, much to the surprise of the guards posted at the entrance given the lateness of the hour and the fact that they were unaccompanied. Thorin walked quickly and clearly had a specific destination mind, but when Fíli asked where they were going the only response he received was a gruff, “You’ll see, have patience, lad.”

Soon the residential quarter of Erebor was behind them and they passed through echoing public reception halls near the front gate. Guards watched them curiously, but did not challenge them once they realized just who was wandering the halls at such a time. Finally they stopped at a pair of massive doors flanked by two guards in the ceremonial armor of the King’s Guard. The guards snapped to attention as they approached.

“The throne room?” Fíli hissed incredulously, pitching his voice low, “Durin’s beard, Thorin, why did you want to come here?”

The older dwarf touched his arm in a brief but surprisingly intimate gesture, “Patience,” Thorin purred, “I plan to make this worth your while.”

“May we be of assistance, your highness?” one of the guards asked stiffly, clearly not sure what to make of this royal visitation.

“Prince Fíli and I have…business in the King’s Hall. We are not to be disturbed under any circumstances, is that clear?” Thorin rumbled.

“Yes, of course, your highness,” the guard responded as they pulled open the towering doors.

Fíli followed Thorin into the hall, and across the causeways that led to the dais holding the throne. The hall was vast and magnificent, set high the mountain so that tomorrow, Mahal willing, the spring sun would stream in to illuminate the rich decorations and shine Eru’s light upon the Throne of Thrór. At the moment, however, it was only lit by a few torches and seemed shadowed, cold and forbidding rather than inviting.

“You have noticed, I presume, that you are the only one in the entire hall who actually gets a place to sit,” Fíli remarked wryly.

Thorin chuckled. “Oh, I am keenly aware of that, my lad, since I spent many an hour standing just there,” he indicated a spot to the right of the throne, “during some truly interminable audiences and receptions.” He leaned against the stone plinth holding the throne, “Your great-grandfather had very traditional views of the prerogatives of kingship. I have commissioned some additional seating, but thought it most prudent to introduce it after the coronation, since there are some who view any change with suspicion, no matter how sensible.”

The young prince quirked a smile at him, “I thank you, my King. Both for myself and because I think expecting Kíli to stand quietly and do nothing for more than a few moments at a time is an invitation for disaster.” Thorin snorted in rueful agreement, but before he could speak Fíli crossed the distance between them, and leaned close, his hands on Thorin’s waist. “Now, will you please tell me what this is all about?”

Stormy blue eyes met his own, “Aye, I will, my lad.” But instead of explaining Thorin tangled one large hand in Fíli’s hair and then their bodies were pressed together and their lips met and Mahal, it felt good. The young prince found himself tucked tight in the ‘v’ of Thorin’s spread legs and when a warm tongue probed for entrance into his mouth he eagerly complied. Then the older dwarf’s lips moved down to the column of his throat he moaned and pulled away; his groin was already beginning to tighten and he knew he should speak before losing himself in sensation.

“Thorin,” he gasped, “not that I’m complaining, but as an explanation that leaves something to be desired.”

Thorin smiled and loosened his hold, still holding him close enough to rest his forehead on Fíli’s. “My apologies, ghivashel. After missing you for so long, it is hard to have you here and think of aught but how much I want you.” He sighed and began again, “We realized when planning for the coronation that no dwarf now alive recalls the ceremony used for Thrór, the last crowned King Under the Mountain. So I asked Ori to search the archives for an account of it so that we would have a starting place for our coronation. He was successful, and we will be using the same rite, with some modification, at tomorrow’s ceremony.”

Fíli nodded, “I remember it being discussed at one of the council meetings. What does…”

“Nothing in itself. But Ori also found a description of the ceremony used to crown the King’s consort and that of the Crown Prince, which were presumably used for my mother and grandmother.”

“I see,” Fíli replied, trying to hide his dismay at what seemed to be yet another discussion of his uncle’s wish that he marry. “I…I suppose that will be useful if I do chose a bride.”

“Yes, but that’s not why I wished to speak of it, and speak of it here.” Fíli had glanced away, so Thorin cupped his chin, his face sorrowful, “It struck me to the heart then that there is so much I cannot give you, however much I might wish it. I will never be able to stand before the kingdom and declare that it is you that I love and want at my side as I would if there was some other that had won my affections.” Fíli stared at him in astonishment and he smiled softly, “All those weeks without you made me realize just how much I want—nay, need—you in my life. I was happiest when I was travelling with the Company, and Kíli, and you—always you. I want you to be the last thing I see before I close my eyes to sleep and the first thing they fall upon in the morning.” He shook his head ruefully, “I finally know what I want, but I’m not certain it is…sufficient.”

Thorin leaned against the stone, his head bowed, “That is why I hesitated, why I was silent for so long; that and the rank fear that you might spurn me outright for having wronged you.” He snorted, “When Dwalin came to see me he argued—forcefully—that I was hurting you further by denying you a choice in the matter and I came to see that he was right.” He reached up to caress Fíli’s cheek with a gentle hand, “So here I am before you, my lad, offering you my heart. I cannot give you the honor you deserve, but I will stand in this place and pledge before Mahal that it is you I will love until the end of my days. It is not what I would like to give to you, but it is what I can give you—my love and a throne when I am finally called to the Maker’s Halls. I can only pray that it is enough.”

The blond felt tears prick his eyes, and he whispered, “Oh Thorin,” hoarsely before pulling the older dwarf into a fierce embrace. “Surely you know I don’t need a public announcement from you to prove that our bond is a true one. It means…everything to me that you love me and want to be with me. But I...I just cannot go on keeping this secret from those we love.”

Thorin’s breath ghosted over Fíli’s ear. “Then we should stop trying to conceal it from them,” he murmured, threading his hands reverently through the young dwarf’s hair. “I know you have long wanted to tell Kíli in particular, and if it would make you happy, you should do so, and any others you feel can be trusted.”

His arms slid around Fíli and tightened their embrace, his hands dropping to hold the blond dwarf’s hips. “I need you so much, my lad,” he whispered. “Please tell me you forgive me and love me too.”

Fíli stiffened in his arms, his heart at war with his head. It would be so…easy to just say the words and pledge his love to Thorin, nor would it be a lie. But he knew…he knew it would not be right.

He pulled himself from the older dwarf’s arms and stepped away, scrubbing a hand over his face, feeling breathless and uncertain, “I love you, Thorin, and I want to be with you. But I cannot pretend that all is as it should be between us.”

Thorin gazed at him in dismay, “What…what do you mean, Fíli? Tell me if there is aught I can do to set things right and I will!”

The blond began to pace, unable to meet his uncle’s eyes, “Long ago, when Dwalin first told me that he knew what was happening between us, he…he warned me. Because you are my uncle…my King; all my life I’ve wanted to please you. He worried that since we did not become lovers as equals that a time might come that I would not…could not say ‘no’ to you however much I might wish it.”

“Fíli, you know I would never…”

The young prince stopped his pacing and met Thorin’s eyes. “And by Mahal, he was right.” He dashed away the tears that had come unbidden, and continued in a hoarse whisper, “That night before the battle…”

-ooo-

“Fíli, I would speak to you alone,” Thorin’s gruff voice startled Fíli, and he looked up from his place by the Company campfire. Kíli was draped against his shoulder, seeking what little solace could be had in the cold and echoing halls of Erebor.

Fíli’s eyes narrowed. “Yes?” he responded, his tone just this side of insolent. The young prince’s anger with his uncle since their abandonment at Laketown still gnawed at his heart and he did not feel at all inclined toward his usual deference.

“You will come with me, now!” Thorin growled. Fíli exchanged a resigned glance with his brother and stood slowly to follow the older dwarf. Silently, he was led out of the hall and into the maze of corridors beyond. Thorin finally stopped some distance from the camp.

“What is it that requires us to be so far away from the others?” Fíli asked impatiently.

Suddenly, Thorin was on him, pressing his body against a nearby column, hands fisting in his hair, hips grinding against his. The older dwarf laughed harshly, “Surely you know, my lad. Did you not guess that I would seek comfort before battle; it is what warriors do, after all.”

Fíli’s heart was in his throat; this dwarf with the wild eyes and hard hands and hot breath was not his Thorin, his lover. He struggled against his grip, rasping out, “This is not comfort, Thorin!”

Thorin was stronger, and determined; he tightened his hold, “It is for me. And don’t pretend that you will refuse me, I know you will not. You never have, after all, not since that first night in the kitchen in Ered Luin.” The hand in Fíli’s hair pulled him forward until their lips met in a kiss, hot and rough, while the other hand was fisted in his tunic. Thorin broke away, panting, a feral smile on his face, “Besides, all the gold in Erebor now belongs to me, and I think you need a reminder that you belong to me as well, my kidhuzûnith.”

Before Fíli could reply Thorin pulled him away from the pillar and pushed him to the floor, straddling the blond and starting to roughly remove his clothing. The young dwarf felt his traitorous body respond under Thorin’s hands and ceased struggling. He looked away, tears pricking his eyes, wondering how it came to this, that it seemed easier…safer…to let Thorin take what he wanted despite his own wishes.

-ooo-

Thorin was staring at him in horror, “I…I know I was not gentle, and that shames me, but you truly did not want…?”

Fíli glanced away, unable to bear the pain in Thorin’s eyes, “You were not yourself, I know that. And I…I think that if I had firmly said ‘no’ you would have stopped.”

The dark-haired dwarf slid down the stone wall until he was seated on the floor, head in hands, “But you are not certain of that, I can hear it in your voice.” Thorin’s breath rasped and he moaned, “Mahal help me, it is no wonder that you hated me. It…it is unforgiveable.”

Fíli sighed and crouched down in front of Thorin, clasping his arm comfortingly. “I won’t deny that it hurt me deeply, but I have accepted that the gold sickness led you to do something you would not otherwise have done.” He took a deep breath and added, “I do forgive you, âzyungâl.”

Thorin looked up to meet Fíli’s gaze, his blue eyes bright with tears. “It is more than I deserve, ghivashel.”

“Thorin, I did not tell you this to shame you, but to help you understand what I need if we are to continue.” The younger dwarf reached up to twine his fingers in his lover’s hair, “I am proud to be worthy of your love; to be your lad, your treasure, but that cannot be all that I am. Dwalin was right that as my uncle and my king it was too easy for you to command me as a lover.” He shook his head ruefully, “And I was too eager to let you command me as well. And although it is right that I bow to your will as prince to your king, when it is just the two of us alone like this, Fíli and Thorin must meet as equals.”

His eyes shining with tears, Thorin pulled the younger dwarf toward him until their foreheads touched, “Mahal has truly blessed me that I should have one so wise and forgiving as my heir—and my lover.” He shook his head, still a little uncertain, “Do you truly want this? To be my âzyungel after all I have done? You would pledge yourself to me?”

“Yes, I would—to the dwarf that I love, the one I know you can be, not the one that you came to be when you succumbed to the gold sickness.”

“I…I want to be that dwarf,” Thorin replied, his voice hitching. “Both for you and for myself.”

Fíli stood and held his hand out to the older dwarf, smiling, “Come then, let us put the throne to good use. That is what you had in mind, is it not?”

Thorin allowed himself to be hauled to his feet and laughed ruefully. “Yes, it is, though I find it a little disconcerting that you were able to guess that so readily.”

“Thorin,” Fíli chuckled, “given how long we have been lovers, it should be no surprise that I know what you like.” One hand cupped the older dwarf’s bearded chin, “And at the moment, I think you would like…this.” The blond leaned it and kissed Thorin, lightly at first, his tongue just grazing his bottom lip temptingly.

The older dwarf moaned into his mouth and growled, “Mahal yes, Fíli!” as their bodies and their tongues crashed together. Thorin’s hand roamed Fíli’s body, caressing his back and sides before settling on his shapely arse. “I need you so much, I’ve missed you so much… If you only knew how many times I’ve lain awake, aching for you…”

“I plan to give you every opportunity to show me, âzyungâl,” Fíli murmured. “But first, the throne.” He backed the older dwarf toward the seat and nudged him until he all but fell into it. The blond fitted himself between Thorin’s spread legs and pulled himself in for another fierce kiss.

“Fine,” Thorin grumbled, frustrated by the lessened contact with Fíli’s body. “But I need to see more of you.”

“As you wish,” Fíli replied, his eyes hot on the older dwarf’s face. He yanked the tunic off over his head and dropped it to side, while Thorin hummed with pleasure, his hands eager to explore the golden skin and taut muscles now revealed.

“Up!” Thorin gasped, burying his face in Fíli’s neck. “On my lap, I want to feel you.”

“Not yet,” Fíli told him, arching his back with pleasure as the older dwarf pressed heated kisses along his throat. “I have something else in mind.”

To Thorin’s surprise, the blond pulled away and retrieved his tunic from where it had fallen. Before the brunet could protest Fíli dropped the tunic in front of the throne and knelt on it, leaning forward to run his hands along Thorin’s spread thighs. Thorin was already half aroused and his cock hardened further when he realized what the younger dwarf had planned.

Fíli reached for the ties of Thorin’s breaches, his motions surprisingly hesitant. As he began to untie the laces Thorin moaned and leaned into his hand; even with the cloth between them his touch was maddening.

The younger dwarf spoke, the quaver in his voice completely at odds with the easy confidence he had shown earlier. “I…I hope you excuse my inexperience, my king. I only wish to please you.”

Thorin stared down at him in astonishment. Inexperience? Fíli was actually quite skilled at this particular act; it was one of Thorin’s favorites and Fíli had learned well how to please him in the time they had been lovers.

Then the dark-haired dwarf caught his lover’s eyes; Fíli was smirking slightly, one eyebrow raised. Thorin blinked as realization hit him—Fíli was play-acting! Once he recovered from the surprise, the older dwarf briefly considered denying Fíli’s unstated request, since his natural instinct was to control any situation he found himself in. But that thought was quickly overwhelmed by the increasing tightness in his groin; both the idea of the pretense and the recognition that Fíli obviously wanted this as well was incredibly arousing.

By this time Fíli had his hard cock in hand, and Thorin bucked into his grip with a deep moan. Knowing that he should respond to the blond’s overture, he wound his fingers in Fíli glorious mane and gasped, “I’m sure you’ll do fine, lad. That you want to do this already pleases me.”

Fíli grinned, clearly delighted that his challenge had been accepted, before taking the hard member into his mouth, and it was all Thorin could do to refrain from thrusting into the younger dwarf. The pretence apparently did not include Fíli feigning inexperience in bringing his lover pleasure; he worked Thorin's cock expertly, licking and sucking until the older dwarf was almost incoherent with lust. It had been months since anyone had touched him in this way, and he was startled how quickly he was nearing completion.

Wrenching his thoughts back into some semblance of order, Thorin tugged on Fíli’s hair and said raggedly, “Fíli, stop, please!”

The blond looked up from his position at Thorin’s groin; the sight of his lips wrapped around his cock was almost enough to make Thorin come on the spot. Fíli pulled away and sat back on his heels, shaking his head and in confusion, “What? I thought…”

Thorin cupped his chin in his hand and said soothingly, “You did fine, lad, but I’d like to be inside you when I come.”

“Yes, my liege,” Fíli answered, his submissive tone thoroughly undermined by the mischievous look in his blue eyes. The younger dwarf stood and Thorin drew him onto his lap. “Should I help you undress?” the blond asked, his voice husky, reaching eagerly for the hem of Thorin’s tunic.

“Aye,” Thorin growled, hands already attending to the ties of Fíli’s breeches. Soon they were both naked, with their clothes laid on the throne to protect bare skin from cold stone. The blond climbed onto Thorin’s lap, straddling him and leaning close to kiss him deeply.

“Oh how I’ve needed this, my beautiful boy,” Thorin murmured when they paused for air. “I’ve dreamed so often of having my hands on you, making you my own…” Previously, Thorin had not generally been very vocal during their lovemaking, so he even surprised himself with this urge to speak and express his appreciation for the lover whose absence he had felt so keenly.

Fíli pulled away for a moment, gazing at Thorin, his eyes bright. Then he bent, one hand tangled in Thorin’s dark hair, and whispered breathlessly in his ear, “Âzyungâl, talk to me—the sound of your voice makes me want you all the more.”

Thorin started, he’d had no idea Fíli felt that way. “Of…of course, ghivashel. What would you have me say?”

“Anything—how you feel, why you desire me,” the blond shivered slightly, “what you want to do to me.” He met Thorin’s eyes with a heated look that made the older dwarf’s breath catch in his throat.

“I want you because you are brave and beautiful, strong and wise,” Thorin rumbled. “Everything I could wish for, and much more than I deserve.” He breathed into the soft skin of his lover’s throat, inhaling his heady scent, “I would claim you for my own, my âzyungel, if you would have me.”

“Yes, I want that very much,” Fíli said, his voice shy, but his face bright with anticipation. He melted into the older dwarf’s embrace, the press of his body making Thorin breathless with desire. “What…what will you do, my king?”

“Let me prepare you,” Thorin murmured in his ear, groping awkwardly for the vial of oil he had slipped in the pocket of his breeches, now inconveniently beneath them. Finally he extracted it with a chuckle, “I would not hurt you, my love.”

“Mmm…so considerate,” Fíli replied, an impish gleam in his eyes. He caught Thorin’s lips and kissed him deeply before releasing him and sliding back on the older dwarf’s thighs to allow better access.

Thorin opened the vial with shaking hands and poured a generous amount on his fingers. He applied more oil to Fíli’s entrance, then stopped to take a deep breath before beginning; it had been so long since he’d touched his lover like this and his cock was already iron hard and weeping at the thought of what was to come.

With one hand on the blond’s hip to steady him, Thorin pressed a finger gently inside, “I want this to be so good for you, Fíli. You must tell me if I am hurting you.”

Fíli nodded and moaned, clearly caught up in the pleasure of the moment and not overly concerned about being hurt. Thorin was grateful again that his partner was only pretending to be inexperienced; he had taken the young dwarf often enough that they both knew how much preparation Fíli needed. So the dark-haired dwarf grinned, not at all surprised when the blond began to writhe against his fingers and plead for more.

A second finger soon joined the first, and then a third, until Fíli was breathing harshly and thrusting against the hand inside him. “Eager, are you, sweet boy?” Thorin asked playfully. “Should I take this to mean you are ready for me?”

“Yes!” Fíli cried.

“If you’re certain…I don’t want to rush you,” the older dwarf asked solicitously.

“Mahal’s hammer, do it, Thorin!” the blond exclaimed, getting increasingly frustrated by the delay.

“As you wish,” Thorin grinned to himself as he slathered his hard cock with oil. Unfortunately, however, they found that Fíli simply sliding forward against him was unworkable. To do so, the young dwarf had to spread his legs so widely that they were uncomfortably pressed against the hard, cold stone of the throne’s arms and back. “Try turning over, Fíli,” he suggested, “and lie with your back against me.” He did so, and the older dwarf hummed in pleasure, relishing the feel of his lover’s firm and lovely arse pressed against him.

Thorin had thought to tease Fíli further, but found he could not. He ached with need, able to think of nothing but how it would feel to have his cock inside the younger dwarf. With no further preliminaries he lined up his hard member and pushed inside the blond, Fíli’s name on his lips as he entered him.

His lover was tight, but seemingly not too tight, for as he began to thrust, slowly at first, Fili’s pretense of inexperience dissolved under the pleasure of their coupling. “Thorin, yes, so good,” he cried, pushing back against the older dwarf, eager to increase the penetration.

Thorin, at first speechless with desire, growled and sucked a vivid bruise onto the soft skin between Fíli’s neck and shoulder, feeling an urge to lay claim to his lover. When the blond pleaded with him to thrust harder, he happily complied, his breath hot on Fíli’s ear as he said fiercely, “You are mine now, ghivashel, mine and mine alone. No one else will take you like this, love you like this!”

“Yes, Thorin my love, yes, I am yours!” Fili gasped, writhing against him. “Touch me, âzyungel, please!” the young dwarf’s cock was iron hard and weeping and it was obvious he was aching for release.

“Wait, my love,” Thorin said soothingly, grabbing Fíli’s wrists in one hand to prevent him from touching himself. The dark-haired dwarf was near completion as well, not surprising given how long it had been since he had anything other than his own hand to give him pleasure. He increased his pace again, pumping fiercely into his lover. “You are mine and I am yours!” he cried, and with a deep moan he climaxed long and hard, all sense and rhythm lost as he emptied himself inside Fíli.

It took a moment fro him to regain his wits and withdraw his softening member, long enough for Fíli to groan in frustration, “Mahal’s hammer, Thorin, if you’re going to do something, do it!”

“My pardon, ghivashel,” Thorin murmured, kissing Fíli’s ear. “I will see to it immediately.” He stood with his young lover in his arms and deposited him gently on the seat of the throne.

“What are you…” the blond began, but his question was answered when the older dwarf dropped to his knees in front of the seat and took his cock in hand. “Yes!” he hissed, leaning back to allow Thorin better access. The dark-haired dwarf took the tip of his cock in his mouth, running his tongue along the slit to catch the pooling pre-cum. At the same time he eased two fingers into Fíli, his puckered hole still open and slick from the oil and Thorin’s seed.

The blond swore loudly and gripped his lover’s silver-streaked mane, rising up to meet fingers and mouth. After a little exploration Thorin found the blond’s prostate, and he rewarded by rapturous moans of pleasure from the younger dwarf. A few strokes later Fíli came explosively into Thorin’s mouth, the older dwarf sucking and thrusting through his release.

Fíli collapsed bonelessly against the stone throne, struggling to put together a coherent thought. Finally, he rasped, “I think I saw Mahal’s face that time, Thorin.”

His lover grinned, “I know I did, my lad.” He joined Fíli on the throne, pulling the smaller dwarf onto his lap. They held each other in silent contentment for a few moments, until Thorin murmured into his lover’s ear, “Why don’t we head back and try out that big bed that you found so enticing, Fíli? To sleep, if nothing else.”

“You want me to stay the night?” Fíli asked cautiously. “Are you certain?”

“Of course! I meant it when I said that I want you to be the last thing I see at night and the first thing I see in the morning,” Thorin told him, taking Fíli’s head in his hands and laying his forehead against the blond’s.

“I’ll have to leave quite early—before the servants arrive—if I want to avoid being seen in your bed.”

Thorin shrugged, apparently not terribly concerned, “That can be arranged.” He met the blond’s eyes, “I truly want this, Fíli. Nothing would make me happier than to have you with me all night.”

Fíli’s delighted smile was all the answer Thorin required, though the older dwarf also felt a pang of regret that he had foolishly—and needlessly—waited so long to ask for this.

They dressed; trying to put their clothes and hair to rights as much as possible, but it was largely a lost cause. Feeling that their only option was to brazen it out with the guards at the throne room door, they swept past with heads held high, offering no explanation as to what they had been doing.

Once they rounded a few corners and were out of earshot, Fíli paused and leaned against a wall, eyes sparkling with amusement. “Thorin, did you see their faces?” he chortled. Catching his lover’s eyes proved to be a mistake, soon they were both doubled over with laughter as they made their way, a bit unsteadily, back to the King’s suite.

Chapter Text

Fíli awoke, pulling himself reluctantly from the comfortable grasp of sleep to the feel of warm hand splayed across his shoulders. Memories flooding back, he turned his head to meet Thorin's blue eyes, close to his on the pillow and looking surprisingly anxious.

"Thorin…" he murmured, his voice still rough from sleep. "What…" When he recalled what day it was the blond sat up abruptly, "Mahal, did I sleep too late? Oh, I should be going—why didn't you wake me?"

Obviously alarmed at the prospect that Fíli might leap out of bed, the older dwarf laid a hand on his arm. "No, Fíli, it's…it's still early. There's no reason to rush away."

Fíli flopped back on the bed and scrubbed his hands over his face, "Oh, that's a relief!" He reached over to drag his knuckles gently over older dwarf's cheek. "But why did you look so worried, Thorin?"

"I…err…" Thorin stammered, "I…I wanted to make sure you weren't…distressed by your memories of last night. Or having second thoughts about being here with me."

A smile bloomed on Fíli's face. "Granted, having sex on the Throne of Thrór is nothing if not memorable," he chuckled. "But as for regrets…" He moved his hand from the king's cheek down his chest to lie, warm and inviting, on the soft skin of his belly. "My only 'second thoughts' are of what I would like you to do right now," the younger dwarf purred. "What about you?"

In the next moment Thorin had the blond pinned to the bed with a knee between his legs. "Mahal, Fíli," he chuckled ruefully, "I've been lying here for half an hour worrying that you would be angry or upset when you awoke."

Fíli quirked a smile at his lover before pulling him down for a kiss, "Let this be a lesson, then, âzyungâl. Next time, wake me sooner."

-ooo-

Sometime later Fíli eased out of Thorin's door after checking that no one was in sight. As pleasant as the morning had been so far, it now was late, and Erebor was beginning to stir in preparation for the first Coronation in the kingdom in over three centuries. He swore to himself and increased his pace, acutely aware that someone would be arriving to help him dress soon, and he needed to be in his chamber and cleaned up before then.

He rounded a corner without looking and came within inches of barreling over a dwarf walking sedately toward him—and not just any dwarf, but Balin, looking spritely and excited, and no doubt on his way to Thorin's chamber. Once the old dwarf recovered from his surprise, he beamed at the Crown Prince, "Why, young Fíli!" he cried. "What are you doing out and about this…early?" Balin's voice faltered on the last word, taking in the blond's appearance, which Fíli knew all too well spoke not of one rising early but of one out far too late.

"Can't stay to chat, Balin!" Fíli replied brightly, sidestepping the elderly dwarf with a small bow. "Have to go, get…" quickly discarding the words 'cleaned up' in fear that it would bring greater attention to how disheveled he looked, "…dressed, for the ceremony, you know! See you soon, Balin!" he added cheerily, on the move again before the other could reply. He rolled his eyes heavenward, wondering how long it would take the wily advisor to realize what few places Fíli could have been coming from in that section of the closely guarded royal quarter.

His spirits rose as he neared his own door, hoping fervently that he could slip inside without further incident. Fíli's hopes were dashed when as he rounded the final corner he heard loud knocking and a familiar voice calling his name. Closing his eyes briefly in resignation, his gaze fell on his brother, hair still wet from bathing, rapping impatiently on his door.

"Fíli, come on," Kíli called, all but growling in exasperation. "Let me in, you idiot! You need to start getting ready and I need help with my hair! Fíli, Thorin is going to murder you if you show up to the coronation with a hangover!"

The older prince sighed and tapped his brother on the shoulder, "Mornin', Kíli. You might want to keep it down before the guards come by to investigate."

The brunet whipped around and stared at his brother, eyes huge with surprise. "Fíli!" he squeaked. "What? Where have you…?" He blinked, taking in his brother's appearance, "Nadad, have you been out all night?"

Fíli rolled his eyes and swiftly unlocked his door, dragging the still sputtering Kíli inside and closing the door. The last thing he needed was his brother calling attention to the fact that he had just gotten back!

His brother closed on him, pulling Fíli's tunic collar open to get a better look at the vivid bruises on his neck. Fíli tried to bat his hands away, but Kíli was undeterred and exclaimed, "You…you have been out all night, and not alone by the look of it!" A wide smile broke over the brunet's face and he clapped his brother on the shoulder, "Mahal, Fíli, I don't believe it! Who's the lucky lass? Anyone I know? Or is it a lad?" he asked slyly.

Fíli ran a hand through his hair, unsure how to answer. He wanted to tell his brother about his relationship with their uncle, but a few hours before the Coronation was definitely not the best time to do so, especially considering he was quite uncertain how Kíli would react to the news.

Fortunately for the older prince, Kíli continued before his brother was required to respond. The brunet crossed his arms and glared at his brother suspiciously, "Fíli, as I recall you were supposed to meet with Thorin last night and you promised to try to work out your differences. Morgoth's balls, Fíli, don't tell me you stood him up to find a bedmate! He will be furious if you did and sure to blame me!"

Fíli snorted, "Stop giving me that look, nadadith. I did go to see Thorin last night, as requested."

"And?" his brother demanded. "How did it go? Have you forgiven him and settled things?"

Despite himself, a small smile crept over Fíli's face and he nodded, "Yes, we worked things out." He felt his face heat at the thought of just how well they had worked out, but Kíli was too busy pulling his brother into an enthusiastic hug to notice.

When the brunet released his brother, he punched Fíli lightly on the shoulder, grinning. "So you found a bedmate after leaving Thorin, huh? I am impressed, brother; I didn't think you had it in you."

"Thanks so much, Kíli," Fíli growled sarcastically.

"Sorry, nadad! I guess by now I should know not to underestimate the effect of Durin charm," he added, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Fíli barked out a laugh, thinking how he had succumbed to the 'Durin charm' as well. Hoping to deflect further questions on his partner for the previous night, he slung an arm around Kíli's shoulder, "Didn't you say something about needing help with your hair?"

"That's right," Kíli replied, nodding eagerly. "Balin says I must have my hair braided properly for the ceremony," he added with a scowl.

The blond smiled, "Let me take a quick bath and then we'll do each other's braids. How does that sound?"

"Great!" Kíli beamed. Then to Fíli's surprise he engulfed him in another warm embrace. "And it's wonderful to have my sannadad back, instead of the dismal sod who replaced him these last few months."

Fíli snorted, wondering whether he should feel insulted. But in the end he just tightened his arms around his brother and murmured, "It's good to be back, nadadith."

-ooo-

That night, Fíli sighed in contentment and laid his head against the shoulder of the newly crowned King of Erebor. It was still hard for him to believe how much had changed in the last day; the lavish ceremony that morning was the least of it. He laughed suddenly at the recollection; it had been a challenge at times to keep his countenance appropriately formal and serious when the sight of the throne brought back memories of the previous night's activities.

"Care to share what you find so amusing, âzyungâl?" Thorin asked, threading his fingers gently through Fíli's bright strands.

"Just thinking that you have absolutely ruined any chance that I can keep a straight face in the throne room, likely for years to come." Fíli laughed again, shaking his head ruefully. "Every time I even glanced your way today all I could think of was you lying there naked and hard for me."

Thorin chuckled, "I as well. Your mother gave me the most peculiar look at one point, and for a moment I feared she suspected something!" His voice softened, "But I cannot regret it if it means you may think fondly of me occasionally when I'm gone and the throne is yours."

Fíli shook his head in exasperation, "And to think Kíli accused me of being a gloomy sod! Mahal, Thorin, I'm in no hurry to become king, especially since it would mean losing you. You know that, don't you?"

"Aye, I do, my lad," he replied easily, pressing a kiss to the blond's hair. "May I speak to you about something considerably less gloomy?"

"Please do!" Fíli responded with a smile.

The older dwarf gestured to the wall across the room from the bed where they were lying. "What do you think is on the other side of that wall, ghivashel?"

Fíli arched an eyebrow and snorted, "Another room, no doubt. But besides that, I have no idea."

"Well, my lad, it might interest you to know that it is the study for the Crown Prince's suite. There is also a bedroom, a sitting room, and a whole series of chambers for the Prince's Consort and any children. Your grandfather Thrain used those rooms when Thrór was King Under the Mountain." He paused for a moment and twined his fingers with Fíli's, "I know you were uncomfortable with the idea of living there at first, but no one would think twice of you doing so now."

The younger dwarf huffed out a breath, "I…I suppose I would like to be closer to you, but that sounds like far too much space for me. I feel like I'm rattling around in my current rooms!"

"You can close off the Consort's chambers unless you come to need them, Fíli," Thorin assured him. "But I also had in mind to have some work done here in my suite, and one thing I considered was adding a door, just there," he added, indicating the wall he had mentioned earlier. "That is, of course, if you want those rooms and wish me to do so."

Fíli stared at him in wonderment; it was a small thing on the face of it, but it spoke of a level of trust and commitment on Thorin's part that he had not expected. Having their suites connected would, in essence, be an open invitation for Fíli to come to Thorin's bedchamber—and his bed—whenever he wished without having to risk being seen in the hall. His throat constricted, "You…you would do that for me, Thorin?"

"For you? Of course, I would do that and more if it would make you happy." Thorin chuckled and tightened his arms around the blond, "But I'm selfish; this is as much for me as it is for you, ghivashel. I want you with me, Fíli, and I plan to show you that as many times and in as many ways as required for you to believe it," the older dwarf continued, his tone gently chiding.

Fíli's answering smile made Thorin's heart constrict painfully when he replied, "I would like that very much." The older dwarf pulled him in for a long, slow kiss that left both of them breathless. Afterward, the blond shifted to mouth his lover's neck Thorin stroked his hair contentedly.

After a few moments Thorin broke the silence, murmuring, "Fíli, why did you never tell me that you would like me to talk when we're...together?"

The younger dwarf snorted, "Why didn't I tell you that I'm aroused by your voice, just as you are by touching my hair?"

The hand stroking his hair stopped suddenly, "How…how did you know that?"

Fíli chuckled against Thorin's chest, "Mahal, Thorin, how long have we been lovers? You've never been able to keep your hands out of my hair."

"I didn't realize I was so obvious," Thorin grumbled. He smiled wryly, "But it's just so beautiful and uniquely your own, I can't resist."

"I don't mind, Thorin," Fíli smiled. "As for why I never mentioned my appreciation of your voice, I…I suppose I didn't want to assume that you would appreciate such confidences." He sighed, "At the time you barely seemed to tolerate my presence, let alone welcome expressions of affection." Fíli had made an effort to keep his voice even but the older dwarf could hear the hurt in it.

"I am sorry, âzyungel," he sighed, tightening his arms around the blond. "Is that also why you never again asked if I wanted to have you take me rather than our…usual practice."

Fíli stilled and pulled away from his lover, his face tight. Early in their relationship when Fíli tentatively asked whether Thorin might like to reverse positions during their lovemaking the older's dwarf's reaction had been swift and harsh. "Do you blame me?" Fíli demanded, a bitter note in his voice. "You made it quite clear that even suggesting such a thing was unwelcome.

Thorin reached up to gently caress the blond's cheek. "I know. One of the many hurtful mistakes I have made with you. I can see that clearly now." He cleared his throat, "Would you still wish to?" he asked diffidently. "Have me in that way, I mean."

Obviously startled, Fíli met his gaze, "You…you'd really want that? After all this time?" His eyes narrowed in suspicion, "Why? And why now?"

Thorin flushed, "I suppose you could consider it a way to demonstrate that I truly wish our relationship to be different—better than it was." He grinned a little sheepishly, "Besides, you always seem to enjoy it so much, I think I'd like to try."

"You've never…" Fíli asked, unconsciously sliding back into Thorin's embrace. The older dwarf welcomed him, caressing the blond's back eagerly.

"I have, but it was long ago—I was your age or younger." He sighed, "It was not a particularly enjoyable experience. But I trust that you would make it so this time," he added with a smile.

Tears pricked Fíli's eyes, touched by Thorin's faith in him. He leaned down to capture his lover's lips and kissed him deeply, his groin starting to stir at the contact and the thought of taking Thorin. "Are you certain about this, âzyungâl? You are right, I would do my best to make it pleasurable for you but it is new to me as well."

Thorin smiled, "We will learn together, then." He pulled the younger dwarf across his chest until their groins aligned and cupped Fíli's arse, grinding their cocks together firmly. "I want this, Fíli," he gasped, "claim me as your own."

They were both hardening rapidly and the blond moaned softly before reaching for the oil on the bedside table. Eyes never leaving Thorin's face, he swallowed nervously before sliding down the older dwarf's body and coating his fingers with oil. "I will go carefully," he whispered, "but please tell me if anything hurts; I can slow down or stop entirely if you wish."

Thorin nodded and wound his fingers through Fíli's bright hair, "I trust you, ghivashel."

After elevating Thorin's hips with a pillow, Fíli spread his legs apart and began gently circling his entrance with one oiled finger. After a last glance at his lover's face, he leaned down to engulf his cock in his mouth, eliciting a moan of pleasure from the older dwarf.

Slowly and carefully the blond opened and stretched Thorin, readying him to take Fíli's already throbbing cock. Despite his apprehension, Fíli had been on the receiving end often enough that he a good idea how to proceed without causing too much discomfort. Soon he had a finger entirely sheathed inside his lover, with Thorin arching against it, begging for more.

Fíli pulled his mouth off his cock and smiled up at his lover, "Good, Thorin?"

"Mahal, Fíli, yes!" the older dwarf cried, and at that moment the blond crooked his find his lover's prostrate, causing Thorin to writhe and cry out in pleasure.

While Thorin was recovering from this pleasant distraction, Fíli took the opportunity to slide his finger out and carefully reinsert it with a second. Thorin tensed a little at the stretch, but then relaxed into the blond's careful ministrations. Presently a third finger joined the other two, with both dwarves rock hard and leaking pre-come.

"I'm…I'm ready, Fíli. Need you…" Thorin moaned, and the blond breathed a sigh of relief; he was past ready himself and eager for release.

Oiling himself up, he pressed his cock against Thorin's hole and chuckled, "It seems strange for me to be telling you this, âzyungâl, but try to relax."

Thorin nodded and Fíli felt some of the tension leave his body, "Do it, ghivashel!"

The dark-haired dwarf gasped when Fíli pushed his cock past the ring of muscle, but was soon clutching his lover and calling his name. When Fíli began to move slowly inside him, Thorin arched his back and moaned, his dark hair strewn across the pillow.

Fíli paused his thrusts and asked anxiously, "Am I hurting you? Should I stop?"

Thorin glanced up at his lover, grasping his arms and growling, "By the Maker, Fíli, if you don't keep moving I'll disinherit you!"

Fíli laughed and leaned down to kiss him, "I'm tempted to let you do that, just to see how you'd explain it to the Council."

He soon began moving inside Thorin again, and set a rhythm of quick thrusts alternating with deeper ones that had both of them gasping. The younger dwarf could feel his release nearing, so he took his lover's throbbing length in hand and stroked hard, wanting him to come first. After a few pulls Thorin spilled between them with a guttural cry. Feeling his lover clenching around his cock was all Fíli needed to come himself, his hips stuttering erratically as he released deep into Thorin's body.

Once Fíli had come down from his climax enough to think clearly again, he slipped from the bed to find a soft cloth. Thorin smiled warmly at him during the clean up, but was otherwise silent.

After he was done and back in the older dwarf's arms, Fíli asked, a little anxiously, "That wasn't too bad, was it? Are you well?"

Thorin chuckled and pressed a kiss to his hair. "It was wonderful, Fíli, much better than I had dared hope. I was just berating myself for the monumental idiocy of avoiding something so pleasurable for so long."

Fíli let out a relieved breath and held his lover tighter. Unable to contain his curiosity, he asked quietly, "Why did you, Thorin?"

Thorin sighed deeply and scrubbed a hand over his face. "It seems absurd now, but I convinced myself that it was not fitting for you to take me, since I am older and purportedly the wiser of the two of us." He smiled and added wryly, "I think idiocy describes it well enough." His voice fell and when he caught Fíli's glance there was a deep sadness in his eyes. "But also," he added, "there was fear. Not of the pain, mind you, but how it might change our relationship."

"Fear?" Fíli asked in surprise. "What were you afraid…" he paused for a moment and let out a breath in dismay. "Oh, you were afraid I would grow too attached to you."

Thorin's reaction was swift. "What?" he cried. "No, no ghivashel, quite the contrary." He sighed again and looked away. "Dwalin voiced it when he first confronted me about our relationship, but the fear had already lodged itself in my heart. That…that you gave yourself to me out of loyalty, duty, respect, the wish to please me—anything but true desire and love beyond that of a close kinsman."

"You…you wanted that? But you were always so aloof!" Fíli murmured, shaking his head in confusion.

Thorin laughed bitterly, "Now you see the magnitude of my folly. By rights I should have treated you tenderly and let you discover the depth of your feelings in your own time. Instead, in my fear I sought to control you, bind you tightly to me, thinking that if I did not I would lose you."

The dark-haired dwarf looked off into the distance, his face bleak. "When I awoke after the battle, my mind free of the gold sickness, I was forced to take account of my actions. Not just in the throes of madness, but before that as well.

"It cut me to the heart to see the pain and betrayal in your eyes and know that I was responsible." He sighed and rubbed his eyes, "In hindsight, my mistakes were so clear. I had all but decided that I had hurt you too much already and it would be wrong for me to suggest that our relationship might continue. Then Dwalin came to see me, and to my surprise he was furious that I was contemplating letting you go without even speaking to you." Thorin snorted, "He told me it was rank cowardice that I would try to evade my responsibility to you. That I had learned nothing from my earlier mistakes if I would deny you the choice of your heart.

"I was…not happy with his candor," Thorin growled, "but I knew he was right." He gently traced Fíli's jawline. "I was so afraid you would hate me, reject me," he whispered, "never was I so happy to be proven wrong."

Fíli shook his head in exasperation, "From the beginning I have desired you, loved you as more than a nephew. All I wanted was some show of affection." He glared at the older dwarf, "You…you are an idiot, Thorin!"

Thorin threw his head back and gave a deep-throated laugh that had Fíli chuckling as well. "Now that has been firmly established I will say that you, Fíli, son of Dís, are my blessing, my muhudel. If I ever seem inclined to forget that, I give you my permission to have Dwalin deliver the beating he promised."

The blond leaned down with a grin, his breath against Thorin's lips, "Fair enough, âzyungel."

They both soon fell silent, Fíli's head cradled on Thorin's chest, the older dwarf's fingers twisted in his lover's bright hair. The blond's breathing deepened as sleep claimed him and Thorin pressed a kiss to his head, eyes wet with unshed tears. "Thank you, Mahal, for making me see that the only gold that truly matters is that I can hold in my heart," he whispered. "My kidhuzel."

Chapter Text

Fíli poured ale into his brother’s mug for the third time before topping off his own and clutching the cup in a death-like grip. Mahal, this was torturous! It had been easy enough to declare he would tell Kíli about his relationship with Thorin, but actually doing so was proving far more difficult than anticipated. He had hoped the ale would help; it was a good brew; heady, dark and strong, that Bombur had somehow acquired for him. (He suspected it was from Thorin’s private stock but was quite content not knowing for certain.) At the moment, however, he could not recall whether the plan was to get Kíli or himself drunk. So far it had done remarkably little to ease his nerves.

“So, Fee,” Kíli drawled, startling his brother into choking on a swallow of ale. The brunet gazed at Fíli, one eyebrow raised inquiringly, a smirk blooming on his face at the blond’s discomfort. “What is this about, anyway?”

Hoping to regain his composure he retorted, “I need to have a reason to invite my brother over for drink?”

The younger dwarf snorted, “Course not, I’m always willing to get stonefaced with you, nadad. Especially since you’ve stopped acting like a dragon pissed in your ale. But usually you don’t make such a point of inviting me to spend time with you alone. Or haul out the good stuff,” he noted, tipping his mug in Fíli’s direction. “Or look like you’re going to faint at any moment.”

“I do not, you idiot!” Fíli growled.

“C’mon Fee, this is me, you know you can tell me anything. I promise I won’t tell Thorin anything, if that’s why you’re so nervous.”

The blond sighed and scrubbed a hand across his forehead, unable to explain that Thorin learning of this discussion was the least of his worries.

“Soooo…” Kíli went on speculatively, “did you get some poor scullery maid pregnant?”

“No, of course not!” his brother exclaimed hotly.

“Are you going to run away to become a wandering bard in Rohan, leaving me to all your Crown Princely duties?” Kíli smirked.

“Kee, how do you come up with such mad notions? No!”

“Well, that’s a relief,” the brunet sighed dramatically, taking a pull of his ale. “Are you…”

“Stop, Kíli, just…stop,” the older prince cried, at the end of his patience. “I’ll tell you what it is if you’ll just shut up.”

Kíli grinned and fell silent, clearly having accomplished what he had set out to do.

Fíli took a deep breath, “It’s…it’s about the morning of the coronation, when I stayed out all night. I…I need to tell you who I was with.”

His brother sat up, his eyes widening in delight. “Really? Ha! I knew you couldn’t keep it from me for long! And Tauriel said I was just being nosy,” he scoffed.

Fíli rubbed his sweating palms across his breeches; Kíli’s attitude was not making this any easier. “Do you remember that you thought I had found someone to bed after leaving Uncle’s suite?” At his brother’s nod he cleared his throat, “I let you think that, but I didn’t—leave Uncle’s, I mean.” He glanced down at his hands fisted anxiously in his lap. “I…I was in Thorin’s room all night.”

Kíli’s eyes widened so comically that Fíli would have laughed under different circumstances. The brunet blinked a few times before whispering excitedly, “You mean there was a whore in Uncle’s room and he…he shared?”

It took all of Fíli’s self-control not to bash his head against something hard—or even more tempting, Kíli’s head. But his brother’s denseness finally spurred him to plain speaking. “Kíli, there was no whore,” he ground out. “I spent the night in Thorin’s room, in his bed, with Thorin.”

The younger dwarf’s face went blank in astonishment at Fíli’s words. After a few moments he glared at his brother, grumbling, “All right, nadad, I get it. I’m just a nosy bastard who shouldn’t be askin’ about your love life. But you don’t have to be an arse about it.” He made a dismissive noise, “Like I’d believe you’d suddenly decide to bed Thorin, even if he was inclined to let you,” Kíli retorted.

Fíli sighed, “There was nothing sudden about it, Kíli.” He met his brother’s eyes, no trace of humor in is gaze, “Thorin and I have been lovers for a long time—since before we left home.”

The brunet crossed his arms, a mulish expression on his face. “No, not buyin’ it. I would have known if something like that was happening.”

“We kept it quiet, nadadith. Thorin wanted it that way. If you don’t believe me, ask Thorin—or Dwalin.”

“Dwalin?” Kíli repeated in an outraged tone, his bruised feelings clearly at odds with his skepticism. “You’d tell Dwalin, but not me?”

The blond moved to sit closer to his brother, “We didn’t tell him, Kíli. He saw us together and figured it out on his own. I…I wanted to let you know a long ago, sannadad,” Fíli said earnestly, “but Thorin was dead set against it. Even though we don’t plan to make our relationship public Thorin has agreed that now we can tell our kin and close friends. You’re the first one we’ve told.”

Kíli was resolutely looking away, unwilling to meet his brother’s eyes. “If you expect me to believe this, how did this happen? Why did it happen?” Before Fíli could speak he held a hand up to stay him, “No, wait, on second thought don’t tell me. Even if you’re making it up I don’t want to hear about you and Thorin fucking. Augh!” Kíli cried. “He’s so much older than you!”

The blond prince snorted, “He’s a lot younger than Tauriel!”

“That’s different!” Kíli huffed defensively.

“Why, because she’s female?” Fíli demanded, his eyes hard.

“Because she’s not the uncle who helped raise us, Fíli!” the brunet retorted hotly. But when Kíli saw the hurt expression on his brother’s face his anger abruptly drained out of him. With a mirthless chuckle he turned to Fíli, “I keep expecting—hoping—that you’ll start laughing and tell me that you’re having me on. But I’m getting the feeling that’s not going to happen.”

Fíli slid an arm around Kíli’s shoulder and shook his head, “This wasn’t something Thorin or I expected to have happen either. I’m sorry we kept it from you for so long.”

“At least now it explains why you were so angry with Thorin.” He grimaced, “Some kind of lover’s quarrel?”

“Something like that. I was very angry about the way he treated you and Bilbo, but there were other things as well.” Fíli took a deep breath, “I’ll be honest with you, nadadith, it hasn’t always been good between us. But I think we’re finally learning how to love each other.” After a pause he met Kíli’s gaze, his eyes shadowed, “I know this is a lot for you take in, but do you think you could be happy for me?”

Kíli stood and began pacing back and forth across the room. “I…I want to be, Fíli, Mahal knows I do, but it’s all so unexpected, I’ll need a little time.” His brother’s face fell at his hesitation and Kíli’s heart lurched uncomfortably. “Are you certain this is what you want, Fíli?” he asked in a whisper.

Fíli gave him a dimpled smile that made his heart melt, “Yes, Kíli, I am. I think Thorin and I will be happy together."

The brunet took a deep breath and pulled his brother into a hard embrace. “Then I’m glad for you. This is me, being happy for you,” he murmured, seemingly more to himself than Fíli. “Just don’t tell me about what you Thorin get up to. Trust me, there are some things that you don’t want to imagine your brother and uncle doing together.”

Fíli’s eyes were suspiciously moist, but he chuckled in response, “That seems fair, nadadith.”

After a moment Kíli released his brother with a grin, “So, I guess all those folks putting money and you and Thorin finding wives are going to be disappointed.”

The blond wiped his eyes and snorted, “Well, Thorin has told me in no uncertain terms that he never means to marry, but he also said he’d like me to consider it. For an heir, of course.” Fíli was careful to avoid mentioning their discussion of Kíli’s marital prospects, not wanting to burden his brother needlessly. He fixed Kíli with a mock glare, “I trust you know it would be improper for you to place a bet yourself now that you have privileged information.

Kíli gazed at him sourly, muttering ‘spoilsport’ under his breath. Suddenly, the younger dwarf sat up straight, eyes wide, an alarmed look on his face. “Have…have you told Mum yet?”

Fíli paled, “No, Thorin and I plan to tell her, sometime…soon.” His voice fell, “Thorin was afraid she’d try to skin him if I wasn’t there, and there’s no bloody way I’d agree to do it on my own.”

The younger dwarf nodded solemnly, “Very wise. But Fee, please give me some notice before you tell her, so I can arrange to visit Bard’s family or something. I just know that if I’m here, somehow this will turn out to have been my fault.”

Fíli just rolled his eyes and laughed, his heart lighter than it had been in months.

The End