Archive of Our Own ^beta

When Seokmin first wakes up he refuses to open his eyes and instead enjoys the feeling of the sun's rays streaming through the cracks in their ancient blinds onto his sealed eyelids, creating a show of red hues just for him. After finding it beautiful, he comes to find the light rather pesky as it will not allow him to return to his dream where he was wandering around an empty meadow. Unamused, he reluctantly opens his eyes and finds a sight better than any dream he could concoct.

The light splays along fluffy hair and tickles one side of his face while soft shadows cover the rest. Soonyoung occupies the side of Seokmin’s bed that is usually vacant, using Seokmin’s arm as a pillow which explains why the owner of the limb can’t feel his fingers. The sun teeters around the edge of Soonyoung’s form while he lies on his side, facing Seokmin, creating a beautifully bright outline around the sleeping boy.

Soonyoung has been his best friend for a little over three years but he’s never really looked at the other before; never admired or adored the other for his features. Soonyoung has a radiant personality and most of the time Seokmin spends with him they spend either laughing or talking animatedly while their other friends tell them to keep it down.

After three years, Seokmin realises, he’s never seen the other asleep, and he comes to the conclusion that it’s a rather intimate thing to watch someone else sleep peacefully.

Soonyoung’s always fallen asleep after him and always woken up before him whenever they spent the night together, and now Seokmin wonders whether Soonyoung has ever stared at him intently while he was drifting in his dreams.

Stretching his legs, Soonyoung curls towards the mattress more, presenting more of his back to the sun while trying to tuck his head into Seokmin’s chest to hide from the playful light. His face is scrunched up in protest as he tries to burrow into darkness and return to slumber.

Seokmin finds it strangely adorable.

They’re both only wearing loose shirts and shorts because it’s far too hot to wear anything other than minimal amounts of cotton. Soonyoung rolls his spine to be straight and Seokmin swears he hears the tension leak out of the other. Soonyoung sighs and nuzzles further into Seokmin’s chest, seemingly awake and stuck in the fuzzy place between slumber and wakefulness.

Soonyoung’s arms rest in between them, folded up with fingers curled in front of his face. Seokmin could rest his chin on the other’s head if he shuffled a bit closer.

“Good morning,” comes a sincere mumble into Seokmin’s chest, concluded with a long yawn.

“Mornin’ bro.”

“You really gotta brozone me the second I wake up?”

“Can’t have you waking up with gay thoughts.”

“Damn, you got me,” Soonyoung goes along with the joke, a smile evident in his voice, “And to think that today was the day I was finally going to make my gay intentions known.”

“You’re curled into my side and lying on my arm, can’t get much gayer than this.”

“No homo bro, but it could be gayer though; we could be kissing.”

“We could indeed.”

“That sounded way too hopeful,” Soonyoung pulls himself away from Seokmin’s chest to look up at the other in amusement.

“What can I say; I’m a lonely man.”

“Bro.”

Seokmin winks and then stretches his free arm behind him to clamour for his phone, “Oh, it’s only 10.”

“How dare you wake me up in the AMs.”

“Sorry, how are you feeling though?”

Soonyoung drops his gaze back to Seokmin’s chest and sighs. He came to Seokmin’s house last night crying without making any noise, in dire need of a hug and warm arms to fall alseep in. His girlfriend broke up with him, not that he hadn’t seen it coming, but even if there were bad times he’s still sad about losing the good ones.

Looking past the glowing skin and the rays of sunlight, Seokmin can see that the other’s eyes are slightly swollen and that he blinks with more care for the tender skin.

“Alright, I guess. Not like we have actually been together for the last two months anyway,” he sighs his words.

“Then what are you upset about?” No words had been exchanged after Soonyoung showed up and offered the single sentence ‘she left me.’ Seokmin knew that all he needed was company and someone to fall asleep with.

He sighs again, “She’s a complete bitch, but what’s knew?”

She’s very openly yet ambiguously cheated on him several times, after a year of being extremely faithful and a lovely girl, she completely changed. She twists Soonyoung’s words against him and makes him feel guilty and as though he is the one who has done wrong. It’s been a few months but Soonyoung has been holding onto the hope that she would just change back to the beautiful, loyal girl he fell in love with. Apparently that’s sadly not the case but Seokmin is so happy that she’s out of his life.

Soonyoung continues, “She told me she never loved me, even at the start, and that she only got with me in the first place because I have a degree and my own studio and I just have my shit together, you know? She wanted to use me as a cover to show her rich asshole parents ‘look I have a stable relationship so give me my credit cards back’ while she whored around with every guy who looked at her.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I think I cried because I was relieved? She causes me so much stress and pain and I know you hate her and have never liked her and I should’ve listened to you and I’m such an idiot,” Soonyoung rambles lowly.

“You loved her.”

“I did.”

“Do you love her still?”

Soonyoung doesn’t answer instantly but replies after rolling onto his back, slightly further from Seokmin but still cushioned in his arm, “No. I think I stopped loving her a while ago. Honestly I haven’t seen her for months, I just hear things from other people about her. We weren’t even really dating for these past few months - she’s been hopping on every guy she could and I’ve been busy with showcases.”

“Then be happy that she’s gone.”

“I am, I’m just sad that she used me in the first place,” he stares at the roof vacantly.

“Yeah, she sucks but she’s gone now and you can’t change what happened. She didn’t deserve you in the first place.”

Soonyoung just sighs.

Seokmin watches him bask in the streaked light again before rolling on top of the other, receiving a pained groan from Soonyoung who is too tired to defend himself. Seokmin lifts himself off of the other and hovers over him, smiling in an attempt to lighten his mood, “Well, now she’s out of the picture, I can make my own gay intentions known.”

Soonyoung scoffed a laugh, “It’s about time. You think I wear skinny jeans around you ‘cuz I like them?”

“What?”

“They like strangle your dick, you know?”

“Wait, what?”

“I’m pretty sure you know what I’m talking about, you’ve worn skinny jeans before.”

“No not that,” Seokmin sits up, comfortably straddling the other’s lap, “Are you serious?”

“About my dick being strangled by skinny jeans?”

“No, about waiting for me to make my gay intentions known.”

“Oh, yeah.”

“What.”

“Well I gave up on my relationship with her months ago, and you know I’m bi, you’re pretty damn attractive, and through all the shit she’s put me through you’ve been there for me, and to be honest the only reason I never made a move on you in the past is because you told me you’re not gay.”

“I what?”

“When you were drunk, about two years ago, you held my hands like this,” he interlocks their fingers in front of Seokmin and rests them on his own stomach, “And you told me ‘I love you Soonie but—“

“I do not sound like that.”

“You do when you’re drunk, now shut up and listen. ‘I love you Soonie but I’m not gay and you have a penis and so do I and thats gay and I’m not gay, okay?’ And then you skipped away and threw up on Vernon.”

“Wow, I’m so classy.”

“And straight.”

“How dare you assume my sexuality based on my drunk words.”

Soonyoung does quotation marks in the air after untangling their fingers, “‘I’m not gay.’”

“Alright, at the time I was not gay, but I changed after realising I only liked girls because I was told I should find one, get married and have kids - and you can’t do that with a guy.”

“So...What changed?”

Seokmin doesn’t reply but stares at Soonyoung. The latter speaks again, “I swear to god if you say ‘you’ I’m going to punch you.”

Seokmin blinks.

“Oh my god, it is me! I made you gay!” His attitude quickly changes to that of betrayal, “And how dare you not tell me?”

Groaning, Seokmin finally speaks, “I only realised after you got with her and then you were with her for so long that I gave up anyway, but then she started treating you like shit so I had hope again— wait that sounds horrible. Obviously I care more about your wellbeing than my crush but it gave me a chance again and wow I sound like a horrible person—“

“Hey,” gently speaking, “I know what you mean. I’m a single man now though, so feel free to gay me up.”

“Wait, I’m not having you use me as a rebound.”

“As if. You know, I wasn’t bi till a few years ago. Yeah girls are sexy as fuck but then I saw you and I was like holy shit guys are sexy as fuck too.”

Seokmin smiles, “We turned each other gay.”

“What a lovely story to tell the children.”

Seokmin leans back down and the pair finally share a soft kiss with the sun as a witness. It’s languid, tastes like a mixture of toothpaste fighting morning breath, and all of Seokmin’s bones crack when he relaxes his spine; but it’s perfect to the two of them.

They separate, and of course, as always, Soonyoung shatters the tranquil moment.

“Well, can’t say no homo after a kiss.”

Seokmin chuckles and flops back next to the other, who in turn rolls back into his chest, “Homo?”

Soonyoung sighs in content and presses a kiss to an exposed collarbone, “Homo.”