Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The first sign that something was seriously wrong was the fact that Nat had been the one to call him, not Will, but Jay tried not getting a head of himself in concern over that fact alone. Will could just be busy with a patient or tied up somewhere. After all, Nat calling him wasn’t anything completely out of the ordinary, she’d called him more than a couple of times in a professional capacity and a handful of times for a slight less than professional reason – meaning she called to complain about Will being an idiot which was a topic that was always of interest to Jay.

So when he asked: “What did Will do now?” the moment he stepped through the hospital doors to find Nat waiting for him at the reception, it was just the natural progression of things.

Jay didn’t have to be a skilled detective to deduce that Will had either done something monumentally stupid or something really terrible had happened to him from the seriousness of Nat’s expression that didn’t falter for even a second when he grinned at her. That was the second most crucial sign.

“Jay,” she started, and from the heaviness in her voice alone Jay could feel his heart slowly sinking into his stomach.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?” He started, his grin dropping immediately and the panic slowly taking precedence over his emotions.

“Why don’t uh – I’ll explain while we walk,” she said, reaching over to loop her arm through his, walking him towards one of the closed off treatment rooms at the far end of the ED.

Jay thought that in having a doctor for a brother he’d be more used to hearing all the medical jargon that came out of their mouths, only lord knew how Will could going on and on about stuff without a care no matter how many times Jay rolled his eyes and groaned. He also knew that Nat was simplifying everything for his sake but still very little of the stuff coming out of her mouth was making a lick of sense.

“Hang on,” interrupted Jay, raising a hand, trying to keep the dripping skepticism out of his voice, “A tick? You mean like… an actual tick? Like the ones that latch onto dogs?”

Nat let out an involuntary chuckle, seemingly in disbelief over the fact herself. “Yes, a tick. A really big one too. It got on his scalp.”

“Christ,” said Jay, exaggerating the r slightly as he ran a hand through his hair subconsciously. “Of all the things to get sick of in Chicago,” he added just as they came up on the treatment room with the curtains pulled almost completely around the bed, leaving only a small space where he could see Will sitting morosely, staring at an imperceptible spot at the far end of the bed.

“The good news is that it’s not permanent and will leave no lasting physical side effects,” Nat said with a sigh, which was never a good sign. “However, the bad news is that the illness is still in a progressive stage which means that his condition will get worse before it gets better.”

Jay bit his lip. “How worse.”

Nat didn’t seems like she even wanted to say whatever it was she had to say which was definitely not a good sign. “The paralysis started in his foot and over the last couple of hours has been steadily advancing further up his body. Eventually…” her breath shuddered, “The paralysis will reach his respiratory system and when that happens we will have to intubate.”

“Oh man,” Jay rubbed his face with the palm of his hands nervously. “Isn’t there anything you can do?”

“No. The only thing there is to do is let the toxins run its course which it will… it’ll just be a steep fall at first.”

Jay sighed, looking back into the treatment room where Will was looking just as nervous and lost as he felt on the inside. He didn’t think he’d ever seen his big brother look so – resigned. “Can I…?” he nodded towards Will.

“Of course. Go ahead,” said Nat quickly, circling her arm around his elbow and accompanying him to the door.

It must have been a sign of something seriously the matter that Will didn’t even notice him standing at the door until he spoke. “Hey, bro,” he said, forcing a small smile onto his face that probably looked as disingenuous as it felt on the inside.

“Jay,” Will said, almost surprised. Looking up from where he’d been staring blankly at the white sheet covering his legs. Jay noticed the way his fist would clench and unclench where he had them balled on his knees, as if he was trying to massage feeling back into his extremities.

“You really got yourself into a deep one this time, man,” said Jay, “A tick, really? If you don’t at least develop some super powers after this I’ll be very disappointed.”

Will forced a small chuckle at his words but immediately lapsed back into silence.

“I’ll give you some time. We’re prepping a bed up in the ICU, I’ll be back to get you when they’re ready,” said Nat apologetically.

“The ICU?” asked Jay surprised. “You said –”

“It’s just protocol, because we know what’s to come. Better to be prepared in an environment best equip to give the best care possible,” said Nat, trying to lessen the severity of her words to little avail. Jay just sighed.

Will said nothing which was a sign that he was definitely not feeling like himself. Even the doctor side of him was being submissive in that situation and it was a side Jay was honestly not used to.

“It’s okay Jay,” said Will after a while. “Thanks, Nat,” he added immediately after before resuming his silence.

Jay looked up at Nat, watching her as she watched Will sadly before their eyes locked and she left the room without another word.

“Sorry you got dragged in for this,” Will said when Jay sidled up by his side, pulling one of the chairs that had been pushed up against the see through divider separating the treatment room from the rest of the department.

“You kidding me, Will?” said Jay with faux offence, “Voight has half the squad doing street patrol today because of some – I don’t know, new department policy or some crap like that, so as far as I’m concerned, you’re doing me a favour getting me out of that,” he said with a lopsided grin that was only half-heartedly reciprocated. “Besides, you’re my brother. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

Those words elicited a more genuine response which Jay returned easily. “Thanks.”

“No problem.”

Nat and Miss Goodwin returned before long to run one final test and to let them know that a bed was ready for Will upstairs.

“Now just close your eyes and try to relax Will and tell me when you feel something, okay?” said Nat, pulling the blankets half off Will’s lower body, the glinting back of a metal pen in her hand. Jay watched as Will leaned back heavily, flinging an arm over his eyes, before reaching out to grasp his free hand lying limp on the mattress beside him. Will latched on immediately.

He followed the movement of Nat’s hand as she ran the back of the pen against the bottom of Will’s feet, slowly making her way up his shin, past his knees and thigh; pausing slightly to glance over at Miss Goodwin standing passively at the foot of the bed; Will didn’t move or make any indication that he felt any of it and Jay could feel his heart dropping into his stomach. With a sigh, Nat continued moving further up Will’s leg, past his pelvis and side and just as the back of the metal pen made contact with the lowest rib, he flinched suddenly, letting out an almost choked, “Now.”

Nat shared a look with Goodwin and glanced over to lock eyes with him; the grimness in her eyes wasn’t encouraging.

“Will,” she started.

“It’s okay, Nat,” Will said, interrupting whatever she was going to say, removing his arm from his eyes and blinking a few times before he looked up at her. “I know.”

Jay looked between Nat and Will before his brother finally turned to meet his eyes. “Know what?”

Will sighed, running a hand through his hair nervously before he answered. “The paralysis is progressing quickly. At this rate it won’t be long before intubation and artificial ventilation will before necessary,” he said; his tone completely robotic like he was trying to get through the words as emotionally detached as he could.

“But it’s only temporary,” said Nat, trying to for encouragement into her tone and a smile on her face, “It’s only until your body completely purges the toxins.”

“Yeah, that’s easy for you to say from that end of the treatment room,” snapped Will sending Nat reeling, looking guilty. Will immediately sobered, reaching out beckoning Nat to take his hand. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you like that.”

“It’s okay, Will. I understand,” said Nat, reaching up to cover their intertwined hands with her other, running her thumb against the back of his knuckles. “You’ll get through this. We’re all here for you, okay?”

“Yeah,” said Will without enthusiasm through he tried to force a small smile onto his face for their expense.

“They’re ready for you upstairs,” came Maggie’s voice as she walked into the room, a handful of nurses at her side.

Will inhaled once and let it out slowly through his nose, visibly steeling himself. “Well… I guess it’s now or never.”

“I’ll be here every step of the way,” said Jay quickly, getting to his feet as the nurses moved in to transfer the gurney, without letting go of Will’s hand for even a second. He could feel the way Will was gripping his hand tight, almost uncomfortably so but he was adamant in keeping the contact. He knew it was the only sign of weakness Will was willing to show and he was ready to take it all onto himself. After all, what were brothers for? He and Will may have had their differences in the past but he loved his brother, he always has and he always will, and he knew his brother felt the same. They’d gone through the worst experiences together, growing up in a household devoid of love; the fear and uncertainty that came with his stint in the military but they powered through it; then through their dad’s heart surgery that somehow ended up mending some of the old wounds from their childhood, not all, but it was a step in the right direction at least.

So objectively speaking, what was another hurdle to overcome? They were Halsteads, they broke noses first and asked questions later.

“Ready?” he asked as the nurses unlatched the breaks on the gurney.

“Not really,” said Will under his breath.

Jay smiled a little, reaching out to grasp Will on the shoulder comfortingly. “I’m here, kay? So… just lean on me, I can handle it.”

“Thanks, Jay,” said Will as the gurney began moving out the treatment room; he could feel the concerned eyes of his colleagues following him all the way to the elevator but didn’t look around. Instead he kept his eyes firmly on Jay following at his side, trying to take comfort in his younger brother’s presence. “Thanks,” he whispered under his breath as the doors of the elevator closed behind them.

--

It was a couple of hours sitting at Will’s bedside as he slowly nodded off into much needed sleep before the first visitor stopped by. Dr. Rhodes who seemed to have come fresh from surgery stepped in, taking in the sight of the sleeping Will in the bed and immediately walking up to his side. Jay put down the outdated women’s magazine he’d been reading, stretching out with a moan in the uncomfortable chair he was sure he’d be molded into before the end.

“How’s he doing?” asked Connor as he stepped up, pocketing his stethoscope and crossing his arms over his chest.

Jay sighed, scrubbing his face with a hand. “Well, I’m no doctor but according to Nat it hasn’t progressed completely but he was starting to feel some tingling in his fingers so they gave him something to help him relax.”

“Christ,” said Connor, shaking his head. “You come in to help people and this happens because of some tick someone brought over from Australia?”

“Yeah. It sucks doesn’t it? I don’t know if it’s the Ranger in me talking, but I’d honestly take on a hail of gunfire rather than being brought down by a damn tick from across the globe. It couldn’t have been a local one at that?”

Connor chuckled a little at that. “Will’s strong through, he’ll get past this in no time,” he said.

Jay tried to force more optimism into his half-hearted ‘yeah’, but seeing his brother down like that, looking so vulnerable and young wasn’t exactly inciting the most confidence in him; not that he didn’t have all confidence in Will to kick it in the ass, but it was hard.

The sudden wailing of the machines all around caused Jay to jump slightly, his mind flashing back to a darker more terrifying point in his life before he came back down into reality just in time to feel the sensation of being pushed out of the way as Nat and various other medical personnel convened on Will. His eyes quickly glanced down to his brother, finding his eyes wide open and terrified, desperately gasping for air. He saw Will’s hand reaching out for him and reached over without hesitation to grasp it tight.

“It’s okay, Will,” he said, pushing his way into the fray. He could feel the glare of the nurse on the back of his head, but Will needed him in that moment and he was damned if anyone was going to drag him away.

“J…ay,” Will gasped through the air that he didn’t seem to be able to inhale into his lungs.

“I’m here, Will. I’m here,” he said, grasping onto Will’s hand with both of his.

“’M… scared…” Will gasped, his eyes tearing up, his voice so soft that Jay had to lean in close to hear it.

Around him he could feel Will’s bed being moved slightly to make room for Nat to squeeze in between Will’s head and the wall behind her, the voice yelling out instructions and medicine doses that Jay couldn’t even begin to comprehend, but he wasn’t there for that. He was there for his brother.

“It’s okay, Will, it’s going to be okay,” he repeated. “I’m here, alright? We’re all here, so just… it’s going to be okay.”

Nat seemed to administer something to knock Will out because Jay felt his hand all of a sudden going lax in his grip before there was another hand on his shoulder pulling him back and away from Will. He was ready to start throwing punches but he turned around to find Connor’s concerned face staring down at him.

“Give them room to work. He’s going to be okay,” he said, patting Jay on the shoulder a few times before relinquishing his grip. “It looks scary but this is all part of the illness. He’ll be back on his annoying, redheaded feet before you know it.”

Jay couldn’t really find the humour in the situation but he appreciated Connor’s reassurance. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the scene in front of him. “What’s going on?” He asked without looking away, watching as Nat inserted a long see-through tube down Will’s throat and feeling glad that he wasn’t awake to experience it. He knew Will would have done his fair share of the procedure but it was a whole other ball game being on the receiving end instead. It probably felt the same being a doctor treating a friend and a colleague and watching them being put through treatments they were usually the one to perform because Connor didn’t answer for a while and when Jay looked over at him he found his eyes on Will, looking as transfixed by the sight as he was. “Connor?” he called again, finally snapping the man out of his reverie.

“The uh… paralysis has progressed rapidly. He was intubated without the need for any additional paralytic which, while it isn’t a usually very encouraging sign, is to be expected. It only means that the toxins has reached its peak incubation state and should already start working its way out of his system.”

Jay could only nod robotically, taking in Connor’s words but it was little comfort. He was looking at his brother that he loved and looked up to lying helpless in the ICU breathing through a tube. It was a difficult sight to behold.

He watched as the nurses hooked Will up to the ventilator and double checked the rest of the machines monitoring his vitals. His eyes quickly found Nat lingering by Will’s side, reaching over to gently run her fingers through his hair; her glistening eyes staring at his face intently before she bent down to plant a kiss on his forehead.

Jay forced himself to look away from what should be a moment of privacy between them. He noticed Connor doing the same.

“Jay.”

He heard Nat calling his name and finally looked back, seeing her beckoning him towards the bed. He hesitated for a moment before approaching. It was one thing watching from the distance at everything happening and the severity of Will’s illness, but it was completely different looking at him from up close; finally taking in the paleness of his skin and dark circles under his eyes and the way he just looked so sick. The tube didn’t help either, nor did the straps holding it place and covering part if Will’s face from view.

“Hey.” He looked up to find Nat’s concerned eyes on him. “It’s going to be okay, I promise.”

“Yeah,” he said. It was the only thing he could say. Subconsciously he reached to grasp Will’s hand, feeling his skin cold and clammy in his grip; mindful of the crisscrossing lines covering what seemed to be every inch of Will’s exposed skin. The uncertainty of everything was terrifying even to Jay who understood what genuine terror really felt like.

Thought just suddenly occurred to him causing him to mentally groan. “Damn it,” he cursed under his breath. “Nat, could you uh, stay with him for a while?”

“Of course. What’s wrong?”

Jay exhaled. “I should go tell my old man what happened. I doubt he’d even care but… you know… being a dutiful son and all.”

“Sure, Jay. You go do what you need to do,” said Nat before Connor stepped forward to interrupt them.

“Hey,” he started, looking at Jay, “Why don’t you stay? I can go pick up your dad.”

“Really? I don’t want to trouble you,” said Jay though he was obviously more than happy to accept the offer.

“It’s no trouble at all, man.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, of course,” said Connor with a reassuring smile, stepping around the bed to grip him on the shoulder. “You just keep an eye on this guy for us,” he said pointing towards the unconscious Will with a thumb, “I’ll fill your dad in on the way so you don’t have to stress about that at least.”

“Thanks, Connor,” said Jay, reciprocating the gesture. “I appreciate it.”

Connor nodded and with one last look at Nat, turned around to leave the room, leaving the two of them standing on either side of Will’s bed, gripping his hand tight in theirs. In the background only the sound of the steady beeping of the heart monitor and the gentle whooshing of the ventilator interrupted the heavy silence in the ICU room.

“Hey,  Nat,” he called, startling her out of the slight trance she seemed to have slipped into as her fingers continued stroking Will’s hair, her eyes barely blinking from where they were trained on him. “Thanks,” he said, “For taking such good care of him.”

A small but appreciative smile broke onto her face at his words. “It’s my pleasure.”

They didn’t anything more after that. Eventually Jay pulled the chair he’d been occupying closer to the bed, taking seat without releasing his tight hold on Will’s hand and he just sat and waited, looking at Will’s lax face for a sign of… anything really. Barely a couple of hours had passed since he last spoke with Will, since he last heard his voice and already it felt like an eternity. It was different than when he was in the army or when Will was off at med school leaving him alone to deal with their mom’s sickness. Will was right in front of him and yet it felt like he was a million miles away. It was disconcerting and scary and Jay wasn’t the type to get scared easily. But this was his brother, his family; he had very few of those left so he held onto the ones he had left with every fiber of his being and it didn’t just apply to the family that he was related to by blood. It also applied to the family he’d found along the way; his brothers in the Rangers and his family at the CPD; he held them tight and he held them close and he’d do absolutely anything to keep them safe.

But he couldn’t do anything to help Will and that was the most powerless he’d felt since he had to stand by and watch as his mother slowly withered away and died.

“You better not leave me, Will,” he leaned in close to whisper into Will’s ear. “Not you too.”

Only the steady beeping and the hissing sound of the machine breathing for his brother answered him but he tried to take comfort in that. The sounds meant that at the very least his brother was still alive and in that moment, watching him looking so ill and just so… empty – it was really the only thing he could ask for.

Tbc.

Chapter Text

Various members of the Med team stopped by in the half an hour he was there by himself after Nat was forced to leave to continue her rounds. Miss Goodwin told her that she could take the rest of the day off to stay with Will, concerned about her ability to focus on work considering Will’s state, but she’d declined. She preferred to have something to do to take her mind off things. Jay was half inclined to do the same, he was never good with sitting in one place for too long when he wasn’t on a stakeout, but he promised Will he’d be there for him and he had no intention on breaking that promise.

Many of the nurses stopped by between rounds, even Maggie who intentionally looked for reasons to go up to the ICU to see Will. They’d developed a pretty close friendship beyond the work place and it was obvious in how affected Maggie seemed to be when she laid eyes on Will for the first time in the ICU. Even a few of the other doctors came by on their rounds and it showed Jay firsthand how much everyone at Med cared about Will. It was a fact that really brought him a measure of pride. Will may have been the older brother but ever since they were young he’d always been the who looked out for him; the one Will would turn to when he was in trouble.

Jay had become accustomed to taking care of others ever since a young age; he looked after their mom when she was sick and Will was out with friends studying or whatever it was he did in his spare time. He looked after his dad for a while before his old man turned a corner and started pushing the both of them away. His mom’s death, Will’s absence and his father’s neglect had been one of the majoring factors in his decision to enlist, if nothing else, just so he’d be able to get away from it all. Getting shot at didn’t sound so bad in comparison to the cold silence he received from his father on a daily basis, especially after his mom passed.

Jay found himself slouching further in his seat, trying but failing to find a more comfortable position. After squirming around restlessly for a while he eventually gave up, straightening back up and instead leaned forward to rest his elbows on the side of the mattress, reaching for Will’s hand and holding it tight, bringing their intertwined hands up to rest his chin on. He just took in the sight of Will’s face, so much like his own and yet so different. He couldn’t remember the last time he really took the time to sit and just look at his brother to see how much his face had really changed, not unlike his own probably.

It was when they were both much younger and Jay had spent an hour tossing and turning in his bed unable to fall asleep before eventually giving up the fight and pit-pattering over to a sleeping Will’s room in search of a distraction. His still half asleep brother groggily promised to stay up to keep him company but had broken the promise almost the moment he made it when he nodded off back into the land of slumber leaving an annoyed, nine year old Jay to spend the rest of the night poking at him vindictively and doodling on his face with a permanent marker.

Everything just felt so insignificant in hindsight.

“Will?” he called out, sounding not unlike his nine year old self calling his sleeping brother and receiving only an annoyed, indecipherable mumbling in return. But this time Will didn’t acknowledge his presence at all. The only movement he made was the rising and falling of his chest with every pump of the ventilator.

It wasn’t long before Connor returned with his dad and if he had to be completely honest, he wasn’t exactly looking forward to facing the old man. He could already guess the kind of derisive comment that would come out of his mouth, undoubtedly directed at him and Will both, having found a way to spin the blame on Will’s condition back on himself even though it was obviously not the case.

He thanked Connor when he returned, stepping into the room and asking about Will’s status before anything else. Jay appreciated his concern.

The moment his dad appeared though, Jay could feel his heckles rising like a cat. There was just something about his dad’s mere presence that just irked the hell out of him, he didn’t even have to say or do anything – which he usually did anyway.

He and Will had their own issues with their dad, but between the two of them Will was the one more likely to back down, letting his dad walk all over him without saying a word back which was the complete opposite of Jay. It wasn’t that he didn’t love his dad, but his dad had the ability to catapult himself into Jay’s bad side without having to do much of anything. Will on the other hand would always just accept their dad’s insults and abuse; letting it wash over him like it had no effect when Jay could see plainly that it did. That was where the similarities between him and Will were the most obvious and ironically, that was probably the only thing he and his dad had in common: the refusal to back down or admit defeat.

But when his dad stepped into the room and the first thing out of his mouth wasn’t a scoff or an insult; in fact, he didn’t say anything at all – that was when Jay wondered whether something was seriously the matter with the man, or his heart surgery had effectively altered his personality somehow.

When he stepped up to Will’s side, opposite from where Jay was sitting, his steps uncharacteristically hesitant and light; his eyes barely blinking from where they were trained on his eldest son, and reached out to cover his hand with his own… Jay really didn’t know what to think.

He raised a bewildered eyebrow, looking to Connor as if seeking an answer to a question he didn’t know how to ask.

Connor stared back at him knowingly, almost to a smug degree; a small lopsided smile tugging at his lips.

“Dad?” he called out instead, tearing his eyes away from Connor after resigning himself to the fact that the doctor wasn’t going to be much help, and watched silently as his dad’s eyes roamed up and down Will’s body, as if subconsciously making sure that he was still whole and that there wasn’t anything obviously physically wrong with him – besides lying unconscious in the ICU with a tube down his throat because of some damn bug.

His dad didn’t answer or even acknowledge his presence so he knew better than to try again. Instead he just leaned back in his chair and tried to make himself as small and unnoticeable as possible. He allowed him mind to wonder; leaving the confines of the small, claustrophobic room and the constant beeping and hissing sound that lingered in the background like an itch. He thought he was imagining the sound of his name being called until he looked up to find his dad’s eyes on him, his gaze surprisingly and uncharacteristically concerned.

“You okay?” from the hint of annoyance in his tone that he was obviously trying to hide, Jay could tell that that wasn’t the first time he was asking that question.

“Oh… yeah. I’m fine,” he said, perhaps with a little too much vehemence, which his dad didn’t point out or blame on his lack of discipline.

“How’s he doin’?” he asked instead, nodding towards Will.

It took all of Jay’s self-control not to narrow his eyes suspiciously at the concern. “Not too good,” he said. “The docs said it’s nothing they didn’t expect already but… you know, needing a machine to breathe for you isn’t exactly cause for comfort.”

Not that Jay wasn’t already completely bewildered by the whole situation, but then his dad actually chuckled, and Jay really didn’t think he could get any more surprised.

“How’re you feeling, pops?” he asked in an attempt to at least get back some semblance of normalcy. That was a question that would usually incite the fight or flight instinct in his old man.

“I’m still here, aren’t I?” he asked instead.

Connor stepped back into the room with a chair for his dad, interrupting the awkward moment and Jay didn’t think he could be any more grateful to the doc.

“You two need anything?”

Jay just shook his head, but his dad actually answered and in a strangely civil manner on top of that. “No. Thanks doc.”

“I have patients to get to, but if you need anything just let me know,” he said, reaching over to pat Will gently on the shin. “Just… have one of the nurses let me now if anything changes.”

“Sure,” said Jay. “Thanks again, Connor.”

Getting left in the room with his dad again wasn’t something he was really looking forward to, but his dad said nothing when Connor placed the chair behind him. He just accepted the chair and the hand on his shoulder without a disgusted comment or an eye roll and just lowered himself down onto the seat with a groan and nothing insulting to say about anyone.

The accompanying silence that followed Connor’s exit was strange but not uncomfortably so. His dad had reached over to place and hand on Will’s shoulder and kept it there for the duration, as if seeking to maintain the contact.

Jay didn’t let go of Will’s hand even once.

He and Will had never been the most touchy-feely of people, even when it was just the two of them though they never shied away from the physical side of affection the way two brothers could be; they just weren’t brought up to show their vulnerable side so easily. But looking at Will in the hospital bed, surrounded by life support machines like a halo and his father sitting across from him all of a suddenly looking every second of his age, it really drove home just how fleeting life could be and how miniscule a human life was in the grand scheme of things.

Ultimately it didn’t matter how much Jay loved his brother – how much he loved his father, there was an expiry date to everyone and never was that fact so obvious until that moment.

“Hey, kid.” He heard the familiar voice calling him and looked up to find his father’s eyes on him. “I know that look,” he said, “And it won’t do you no good to keep entertaining those thoughts.”

“What would you know about it?” said Jay dismissively, collecting himself.

His dad let out a sound that was something between and scoff and a sad laugh. “More than you’d expect,” he said, but offered no explanation.

Jay didn’t know why he was suddenly overcome with disappointment by his dad’s words. “Sure, whatever.”

His answer seemed like it saddened his dad a lot which was unexpected. “You know, Jay… when your mo –” he stopped suddenly as if regretting even opening his mouth to speak in that moment, “I mean… sometimes when tragedy happens, some people just… they just end up pushing other people away,” he said. “I guess what I’m trying to say is… um… maybe I haven’t been the best father to you boys and maybe I realize that now.”

Jay found himself at a loss for words by his dad’s sudden and unexpected confession. “I… I’m not sure what to say.”

“Just – uh, don’t say anything. Let me get this off my chest first otherwise it’s not gonna happen.”

Jay just made a casual ‘go ahead’ motion with his hand before leaning back, although on the inside he could feel his heart beating slightly faster against his ribcage.

His dad looked like he was steading himself which was a strange sight to see in itself considering that his father was never one to shy away from airing his honest opinion. Although ever since his heart surgery he seemed a little different, somewhat mellower and his relationship with Will had also changed in a small but noticeable way. His dad didn’t seem to mock him or his profession quite as much (or at all) and Will seemed less frustrated with his dad in general. Will hadn’t explained exactly what happened between the time his dad got out of surgery and when he arrived and Jay hadn’t really asked either – he loved his dad and his brother but they all had their own problems that just didn’t mix, so Jay had given up trying to force it to. Whatever it was, he was happy for Will getting what he wanted from their dad but as for himself, he was resigned to the fact that him and his dad would probably never see things eye to eye.

So whatever his dad wanted to say must have been something monumental to get him worked up that way.

“Taking care of your mother the way you did… at that age, it must have been hard,” he said and already Jay could feel his stomach dropping in a way only happened when he was anticipating something hurtful or aggravating to come his way – perhaps even both, but he forced himself to keep silent and not roll his eyes too obviously. “But you did despite your brother not being around and me being… well… emotionally constipated as usual. You deserved better support at the time but I let you shoulder the burden all by yourself and that wasn’t fair so… I’m sorry.

“While you were away… in army, I woke up every morning and every morning I told myself today’s the day I’m going to get news that you were killed in action. It’s not something I’m proud of but it’s what got me through every day you were there, because at the end of the day when no news came, I could maybe breathe a little better, even for a while.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me any of this?” Jay found himself asking. Whatever he expected his dad to say, none of that was it. He tried not to look too gob smacked.

“How would you even start telling your son you thought of him dying every day for years?”

“I… I don’t know but... maybe it would have – I don’t know – explained why... why you seemed so angry at me and so disappointed all the time.”

His dad shook his head sadly. “The only person I was angry at was myself and… and like I told Will, I was never disappointed by you boys, not even for second. An old man with a high school education like me… well, we can only hope than our sons turn out better men than we ever were and you two are two of the best men I know.”

Seeing the sheen of tears glistening his dads eyes nearly brought tears to his own but he managed to swallow them back.

“Did you say all this to Will too?” he asked, glancing over to Will half hoping that he was awake to witness the miracle taking place.

“Something like that.”

“Because of the heart surgery?”

“I guess I gave me a new perspective on things and the people I was pushing away by being so selfish and stubborn. And now this happening to your brother…” his dad said nodding towards Will. Jay just nodded, unable to find the words to reply. “I already told this to Will but… I’m proud of you too, son.”

That comment made in that moment finally stripped Jay of his ability to keep his emotions at bay any longer. Coupled with the stress of seeing his brother so ill and not being able to do anything to help him, plus everything else that had been weighing him down over the last couple of months; Jay felt like he could finally exhale properly once that first tear started rolling.

“I love you dad,” he said, reaching up to brush away the tear with his thumb.

“Love you too kid,” his dad replied and Jay couldn’t recall the last time he even heard that word coming out of his dad’s mouth.

It was a series of shitty situations that ended up bringing them together as a family and while he was happy to have his and his dad’s problems out in the open where there was a chance for it to be properly resolved, he just wished Will was there to witness it and be a part of it. He was the one who was the most hurt by their non-relationship with their dad, Jay knew how to compartmentalize and keep his emotions at bay, but Will wore his on his sleeve, open for the entire world to see. That’s why he made for great healer whereas Jay made for a better fighter.

“How long did the docs say he was going to need the tube for?”

“She didn’t give an exact time, only until the paralysis wears off. Maybe a couple of hours?”

Both of them turned to look at Will who was still lost deep in the throes of unconsciousness; only his chest rising and falling with every hiss of the ventilator. Jay wasn’t the most religious person, not the way Will was, he knew his dad wasn’t either, but in that moment he ended up saying a little prayer and he could see his dad doing the same.

--

It was nearly two in the morning, deep into the graveyard shift before there was a noticeable change in Will’s condition. It began when the alarm on the ventilator was suddenly triggered nearly the scaring the crap out of Jay who was on the brink of dozing off. Unfortunately his starting to struggle against the ventilator was the only sign of his condition improving, he failed all the other stimulation tests meaning that the paralysis was starting to work its way out but hadn’t yet gotten to a point where it was ideal for him to be awake so Nat – who had taken on a second shift that night just so she would be on duty to keep an eye on Will, had administered a mild sedative to relax him and give his body a chance to further recover before his mind was awake enough to go into a full blown panic.

A few of the ED doctors and nurses had dropped by to check on him before their shift ended and the concern they showed was testament to how liked Will was by the people he worked with. Even Connor who had been called in for an emergency surgery just before his shift ended came to visit before he left, making Jay promise to keep him updated on any changes.

His dad stayed the entire time. He didn’t complain even once about the hospital or about the uncomfortable chair or even about the lack of TV in the ICU. For once it seemed like he was there for Will and Jay and it was the most he ever felt like a father to either of them.

“Hey, kid. I’m going to get a cup of coffee, or preferably a beer – you want something?”

Jay had been in the middle of a yawn when his dad asked and moaned out a long ‘yeah’ as he recovered. “Definitely not a beer though and none for you either, dad.”

“You know, back in my dad, boys weren’t such smartasses with their old man. It was immediate grounds for a good smackin’,” he said but there was no real malice in his voice and he had a half smile on his face so Jay just returned the grin.

“Well dads in your day probably weren’t so goddamned stubborn either.”

His dad gave him a sharp look that he returned just as firm but their air between them way light and it made Jay’s heart feel good. His dad left promising to bring him back a can of some old fashion asswhoopin’ and Jay informed him that he was looking forward to it.

He was in the process of sending off a reply to Voight’s text asking how Will was that he almost didn’t notice when the fingers of the hand laying limp beside his started to twitch, attempting to curl weakly into a balled fist but barely succeeding.

“Will?” he called, immediately setting aside his phone and getting to his feet, leaning forward to hover half over his brother. His gaze stayed trained on Will’s face looking for any sign or any sort of change and he felt his heart soar when Will’s brows furrowed; the lines on his forehead knitted together and his eyeballs started darting around from under his closed lids. “Hey, Will, it’s Jay. I’m right here bro.”

Will didn’t seem like he heard Jays words, he continued to writhe around restlessly as if he was trying to get used to the feel of his own skin and the learn to use his limbs again. Jay’s eyes found Will’s arm, he’d refrained from reaching out immediately when he began stirring, wanting to see how much Will could move by himself initially, and followed his arm’s movement as he weakly started reaching for his face; two fingers finding the strap holding the breathing tube and unsuccessfully trying to tug at it, but Jay understood what he wanted. Instead he reached out to grab Will’s hand, pulling it away and holding it close to his chest.

“It’s alright, Will, you’re alright. I’m sure the tube will be out in no time,” he said.

He held onto Will’s hand tight, bringing it up to his chest and holding it there, his other hand reaching to brush away the wayward curls from Will’s forehead, the way he remembered Will doing for him when they were younger and he’d been brought down by a fever. It wasn’t long after their mom died; their dad had been away at work and Will had taken the day off from school to stay home and take care of him. Jay was still harbouring feelings of bitterness at Will for leaving him to care about their mom by himself that he’d brushed away the comforting hand and told him to go away. Will left him alone after that but stayed close by. Jay never told him that he knew or that he appreciated his presence and he made a promise to himself that after today when Will was better, he was definitely going to do just that.

It was an agonizingly slow wait until the moment Will finally opened his eyes; they were confused and unfocused but found Jay almost immediately and he could see the palpable relief in his gaze once he realized that his brother was there.

“Hey, man,” he said with a smile, reaching to grasp Will on the shoulder, “You really gave me a scare there,” he said; keeping his eyes on Will’s face and the emotions he could see flashing through it: confusion, weariness, before finally settling on an uncomfortable sort of realization. He shifted slightly on the bed as if trying to find a more comfortable position. Jay didn’t think it was even possible, the tube looked uncomfortable as hell and he didn’t think there was any position that could give any sort of relief from that. But on the bright side, if Will was feeling uncomfortable, it meant that he had feeling, and that alone was a good sign.

Jay couldn’t think of anything worse that being trapped in your own body. He was just relieved that Will wasn’t conscious to experience the worst of it.

Nat rushed in soon after he informed the ICU nurse that Will had woken up; her eyes showing weariness and the under eye bags a sign that she obviously didn’t have such a great night either. Jay could sympathize. Watching Will being so ill was hard but at least he was able to stay there by his side and not be off somewhere trying to work while the thought of Will constantly lingered in the back of his mind.

Unfortunately, even though Will had regained feeling in all his extremities, Nat was hesitant to extubate because he wasn’t showing much resistance to the ventilator which meant that his respiratory system wasn’t fully back online – it was the layman’s term Nat had been kind enough to explain to him – and she wanted to keep an eye on it for at least the next hour or so. Will’s frustration was obvious but Jay knew the doctor side of him understood the need for it. He would probably have made the same call had he been on the opposite end of the situation; but then again, it was easier making a call when the person making it wasn’t on the receiving end. Jay knew that this whole experience would probably redefine everything Will thought he knew about the treatment he was doling out to patients.

However it still left him in the room with an annoyed Will who had no way to express his annoyance and how shitty he felt and Jay new he was probably going to pay for it later. But at least Will was finally on the mend and the only way left to go way up.

“I forgot to tell you,” he said when he noticed the familiar figure coming down the hall once Nat had left, “There’s someone else here to see you,” he said with a grin, looking up at the new arrival, prompting Will to glance over the direction he was looking. Jay quickly looked down to see his brother’s reaction to their dad’s appearance and he wasn’t let down.

Will’s eyes widened when the sight finally registered, and the way his dad’s face lit up at the sight of Will being awake was one thing Jay never thought he’d ever see in this lifetime.

“Hey boy,” his dad said walking over, handing the Styrofoam cup he was holding over to Jay and immediately reaching for Will’s hand once he was by his side. “Karma really did come back to bite you in the ass this time didn’t it? Or should I say – the head?”

“Dad,” said Jay, “It’s not nice to tease the guy when he has no way of defending himself. Even though getting brought down by a tick is really quite a sad way of weaseling a few days off.”

Will’s glare immediately found him and Jay could do little more than laugh, though he was too distracted to avoid the weak smack to his midsection that made him curl into himself slightly as he continued laughing. But Will didn’t really look angry, if anything, he looked touched and appreciative as he glanced between Jay and their dad and that was all that Jay really needed after the night they’d had.

He felt like he could finally exhale the breath he’d been holding since he stepped into Will’s hospital room the first time that evening.

--

Two hours later, as the morning shift was slowly beginning its rotation, the first visitor found Will, finally free of the breathing tube and now sporting a more comfortable looking oxygen mask, wide awake staring at Jay who was bent over the side of the bed fast asleep on his crossed arms.

“Morning,” said Connor, looking fresh faced and impeccably dressed in his dark scrubs when he strutted in. “Mr. Halstead,” he added with a nod when he noticed the man occupying the seat on Will’s right reading the magazine Jay had been preoccupied with the last time he was there.

“Dr. Rhodes,” said Pat, getting to his feet and reaching a hand out for Connor.

“How’re you feeling, Mr. Halstead? How’s the heart?”

“Fit as a fiddle, as usual,” said the main with an air of confidence, “This one on the other hand,” he said, indicating towards Will with a thumb, “Thought I’d go a few more years before seeing one of my boys in that bed instead. I went a good fifty years before I found myself in one, no thanks to the two of you.”

Will rolled his eyes, but not so much out of frustration as had been the case of their relationship for most of his life. “Dad…” he croaked from under the oxygen mask, making it clear that though his paralysis was mostly gone, his hearing and cognitive abilities were in fact completely intact.

“Yeah, yeah,” said Pat, turning around to place a hand on his shoulder, patting it a few in a comforting way. Will weakly reached up to cover his dad’s hand with his own and held onto it.

Connor couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he watched Will’s interaction with his father. “How’s Jay doing?” he asked, nodding towards the younger Halstead who didn’t seem to even be aware of the presence of the people around him as he slept which was a peculiar thing in itself. Jay was the most situationally conscious person he knew besides Ethan, it probably came with the territory, so for Jay to be so completely unaware of the people conversing around him in that small room, he must be either feel really safe there with his brother and father at his side, or just absolutely exhausted. Connor supposed it was probably a combination of the two.

Will took a couple of measured breathing before he attempted to answer. “’S tired,” he said. Connor had to lean in a little to hear but he it was pretty much what he thought.

“Don’t think the boy slept a wink the whole night,” said Pat.

Connor just nodded, acknowledging the man’s words and all of a sudden feeling a peculiar twinge in the pit of his stomach as he continued surveying the dynamic between the three Halstead men, even Jay who was completely lost to the world. He realized in that moment how much his own family mirrored Will’s. They both lost their mother young under arguably different, yet equally tragic circumstances. Both had fathers who were averse to showing love or emotions to their children and younger siblings who deep down still held a grudge against them for bad decisions they’d made in their youth.

It wasn’t the same situation but it was close enough. However where Connor had money in abundance, Will actually did have the love of his father though it was properly disguised and in a way it was worth more than all the money in the world.

“Dr. Rhodes, you alright?” Pat asked, “Starting to drift off there.”

“Please, Mr. Halstead,” said Connor, shaking himself out of his thoughts, “Call me Connor.”

Pat just stared at him oddly for a moment. “I don’t think our relationship’s quite at that point yet, boy,” he said instead.

Connor didn’t think he’d ever felt as warm on the inside over being called boy by another person in his life. He forced himself not to look so pleased at the name. “Whatever you say, sir.”

“Now see here,” said Pat, addressing Will, “You could learn a thing or two from Connor about respecting your elders.”

Will just rolled his eyes but the smile on his face was obvious. Connor tried not to be too obvious with his own when he finally excused himself from the room.

--

A myriad of people of all shapes, sizes, genders, ethnicities and job description passed through the halls of Chicago Med that day once Will passed the doctors tests and was finally moved to a regular room. From fellow doctors and nurses to members of the Intelligence unit and some uniformed CPD officers to the familiar faces of the paramedics that passed through the hospitals and even the firefighters that came by on the regular.

Jay and his dad stayed the whole time, only leaving to get something to eat and a cup of coffee, and in Jay’s case, to settle Intelligence business with Voight and Olinsky outside when they made their unexpected appearance with some flowers, a card and some festive balloons in tow. It was definitely a sight to behold, though people knew better than to make a big deal about it considering the person in question was the infamous Sergeant Voight.

Will had asked Jay to get back to work more than once but the younger Halstead had been adamant in keeping his watch even though Will had been given the clear by Nat and a handful of other doctors. They just wanted to keep an eye on him for at least another day to make sure there was no side effects because the paralysis had affected Will more than they’d actually expected. If nothing else came up he was given to okay to leave the next day.

Will could tell that Jay was definitely planning something but the guy had played dumb when Will confronted him about it. Whatever it was, it was undoubtedly going to be something overly smothering and most likely annoying. Will might had fought his battle against an unfortunate case of full body paralysis, but he wasn’t an invalid and he was damned if he was going to let anyone, including Jay, treat him like one.

“Stop moping, Will,” said Jay, causing Will to nearly splutter his response.

“I’m not moping, you’re moping,” he said, aware of how petulant he truly sounded in that moment.

“Nice grade school comeback, Will. Are you sure the tick virus didn’t affect your brain instead?”

“Har-har. I told you guys already, I feel fine.”

“And I’m telling you, Will, do I look like I care how you think you feel? You’re my bro and I’m going to keep an eye on you’re the next couple of days and that’s that. No use arguing, man. I could send dad in to argue our case again if that’s what you really want,” said Jay with a triumphant smirk when Will groaned exasperatedly.

He wasn’t sure he liked this new alliance Jay and the dad seemed to have found, especially when it was against him with no one there to back him up.

“I don’t like this new thing between you and dad,” he admitted, “It isn’t fair you ganging up on me like this.”

“Well get used it,” said Jay, “Besides, don’t feel too jealous, after all you’re the one who inherited his stubbornness.”

Will resisted the urge to throw something hard and heavy at Jay’s head when he started laughing. It just wasn’t worth it.

Connor had volunteered to give them a ride back to Will’s apartment where Jay was going to spend a couple of days to keep an eye on him. Nat had been way too supportive of the idea, much to Will’s annoyance and none of his other workmates had done anything to back him up when he protested. It wasn’t that he disliked having Jay around, he did live with Jay for a few months when he first moved to Chicago, but it was the circumstance he found the least ideal. He hated having other people worrying over him for nothing.

“Stop moping, Will.”

“Jesus Christ, I’m not moping! Just shut up and let’s get the hell out of here.”

Jay’s laughter continued all the way down to Connor’s car and Will really had to stop himself from throwing something big and painful at his face.

--

Despite his resolve to be the most annoying, insufferable patient in Jay’s care for the entire time he was there as payback, Will couldn’t deny how much he appreciated everything his brother was doing for him, even going the extra mile to take a couple of days off work just to hang around at home with him. Jay didn’t even take time off from work to take care of himself.

“You want something from the kitchen, bro?” asked Jay.

“If you see any amyl nitrate lying around, or some cocaine,” he said.

“Wheatgrass juice it is,” said Jay affirmatively with a thumb’s up and a wink.

That was pretty much how the last couple of days had been going. It was easy going and familiar and Will found himself nostalgic of the years he spent distancing himself from his family, Jay included. Their relationship these days was on a much better foot, but still Will couldn’t help but imagine how they could have been if he hadn’t run away when things became too difficult with their mom.

“Stop moping, Will. It’s been like two days.”

This time Will did take something big and heavy – one of his thousand page medical textbook – and threw it at Jay’s face. However the asshole caught it with one hand without even having to put much effort into the save which was both impressive and annoying.

“Forget the cocaine,” said Will, “I could really go for an elephant tranquilizer right about now so that I don’t have to sit here and listen to you being annoying.”

Jay made a face that was of obvious disbelief. “Me? The one being annoying? Dude.” He said the word with a look on his face that spoke more than his words needed to.

“Shut up,” said Will because there was nothing more he could say. This battle was lost, as had been the battles over the last couple of days and he knew it was time to finally admit defeat. Jay’s fight instinct didn’t just apply to the physical kind of fights and even though Will was never one to back down, not even when faced with more terrifying entities such as a pissed off Maggie or an annoyed Goodwin, the amount of times he was able to one up Jay in a no holds barred match of who was the most insufferable sibling was likely in the negatives. He always seemed to end up being the one holding the short end of the stick.

Jay flashed one of his triumphant grins before stepping over the coffee table and dropping himself heavily onto the seat beside Will, reaching over to clap him noisily on the knee. “Relax, man.”

“I am relaxed. I’ve been relaxing for almost a week. Can’t you see how relaxed I am? I’m tired of being relaxed.” said Will a little too strongly.

“Well if that is indeed the case then you and I have a very different interpretation of the word relaxed, cause you’ve been a stressed out bundle of nerves for days.”

Will exhaled and forced himself to calm down. Jay was right; he had been on a very steep edge for a while and although Jay wasn’t really doing anything other than being the best most supportive brother, Will realized that he had been kind of a dick to him since they’d been home.

“You’re right,” he admitted, “I’m sorry. I know you’re just trying to help. You are helping and I’ve been a huge asshole to you.”

Jay just gave him one of his trademark lopsided grins, leaning back casually flinging an arm behind Will on the sofa. “I get it, man. Don’t sweat it.”

“Thanks,” said Will after a moment just staring at his brother. “For… well… for staying.”

“You’re welcome,” said Jay. “For the record, you’re kind of an asshole most of the time anyway so there really wasn’t a noticeable different,” he added under his breath.

Will reached over to smack him upside the head, inciting an offended hey from Jay but accompanied by a cheeky grin nonetheless. They both lapsed into a companionable silence after that, switching on the TV and allowing the dumb reality show to start playing to its audience of none.

The peace lasted maybe fifteen minutes before the first knock came; a chipper looking Connor waiting on the threshold with a six pack of beer in one hand a bag of takeout in the other and Pat Halstead himself standing at his six.

Their dad had been over for a couple of hours every day since Will was released but always declined to stay over no matter how much Will and Jay offered. To see him coming by with Connor should have been more surprising to Jay when he opened the door than it actually was. He could see that his dad had taken quite a shine to Connor ever since the doctor saved his life. Knowing that his dad wasn’t one to make friends all that often or all that easily, the fact that he seemed to have found one in Connor warmed Jay to the core.

Jay was really quite happy to have Connor and his dad over too and Will obviously felt the same judging by his reaction to their presence.

So Jay helped set out the plates for the takeout and eventually settled back in on the recliner at the opposite end of the coffee table, letting Connor and his dad have the seat beside Will. He was more than prepared to lean back and relax with his beer and his chow mein despite the sound of the shouty chick on TV making a ruckus in the background before the second – and he would soon discover, not the last – unexpected knock came just as he was about to utilize the full potential of the recliner he was on.

The sight of a smiling Nat, Maggie and April met him at the door and that was, as they say, the beginning of the. The aforementioned end being of his hard earned peace, but seeing Will smiling and laughing; seeing his dad smiling and laughing despite being in the presence of people more than made it worth his while.

So Jay leaned back, ate his noodles and sipped his beer and only grunted his replies whenever someone decided they needed his vital input on a particular important topic and didn’t move from his seat for the rest of the day. It was the first time he felt truly relaxed in a long time, perhaps ever.

It felt good.

The End