Chapter Text
The sound of birds chirping woke him. That was the first thing he was aware of, long since getting used to taking in his surroundings as much as possible when he was waking up. Birds. And soft sheets, nice pillow, a fluffy blanket, gentle sunlight against his eyelids, and a cool breeze from the bedroom window.
The problem with that being that Rick was fully aware there were no windows in the tunnel they’d found to hole up in. Or a bed. Or birds. And definitely no sunlight.
In fact, Rick shouldn’t be waking up at all. He’d lost them. Everyone. This time yesterday, Rick, Daryl, Carl, and Judith were the only family members still alive. The herds and humans had seen to that. Carl had been the first to go yesterday, too many walkers had cornered him and Judith in their camp. Daryl had rushed to try and grab his little girl but her arm had already been torn open from their teeth by the time he got there. As it was, he’d been bitten twice before turning back for Rick.
Daryl had to force Rick from their camp. Carl was already gone, but Rick couldn’t stop staring at the swarm. The reality of the loss too much for his mind to handle. Daryl got them moving while clutching Judith. Slowly at first, then running for what felt like hours.
They found an abandoned mine and Daryl led them through the tunnels until they came to a small nook with a steel door. Settling Rick in a corner, the hunter had pushed Judith into his arms as he worked on locking the door from the inside. Feeling around, Daryl found a Coleman camping lantern and thanked whatever God was left for the invention of batteries. The light wasn’t much, but it was enough to see Rick’s eyes glued to him.
Rick held his daughter tight to his chest and felt the adrenalin start to tremble out of him. He didn’t think he could stand back up if he tried so he focused on rubbing soothing circles across Judith’s back. She had passed out at some point and didn’t even stir when Rick’s hands stroked up and down her arms. Her wet arms. They’d been running for a while, and Rick had sweat dripping from his hair. But he knew the wetness on Judith’s arms wasn’t sweat. He knew.
Daryl slumped down next to him, reaching over to run a shaky hand down Judith’s curls. “I love you, ya know.”
Rick shot his head over to stare at Daryl, shock and a little despair on his face. Of course Rick knew that. Their friendship had evolved into something more a long time ago. Daryl hardly ever voiced his feelings, but when he did, they were quiet whispers full of conviction. Rick knew that the prolonged trauma of their experiences probably had a part in their getting together, a bond formed out of them sharing constant, unending stress. And he knew if they were back in the old world some doctor somewhere would try to talk to him about codependency.
But that world was dead, and Rick also knew with everything inside himself that he loved Daryl too much to ever leave him. And that was when Rick noticed the blood steadily flowing from Daryl’s shoulder.
“No. Daryl, no,” he sobbed, reaching out to drag the hunter closer until they cradled their little girl between them. He rested his forehead against Daryl’s and felt the tears start to fall. Dipping his chin forward for gentle kisses against the man’s cheeks, and finally landing on soft lips.
“I don’t know how much time we got,” Daryl started, “But this is where we have to leave you.” He grabbed Rick’s hair and dragged him into a kiss more forceful than the one he’d received before. “I love you. And I love our little girl. And I loved Carl.”
Rick shook his head as more tears fell from his cheeks onto his daughter’s hair. He tried to keep from sobbing out loud, but a quick glance to Daryl’s face showed his hunter was also weeping. This was too much. It was all too much. He couldn’t do this anymore. He wouldn’t. “Together. We do this together.” His voice sure and tone definite.
Daryl started to protest, but Rick silenced him with soft assurances. Judith still hadn’t woken up, and Rick knew from her stillness that she wasn’t going to. He watched as the hunter pulled a gun into his lap, sliding out the magazine to check the number of bullets. Just enough. Rick’s hand covered his, and he slowly pulled the gun away.
Holding Daryl’s eyes, he smiled softly. “I love you, too. And I’ll never leave you,” he promised. “We do this together.”
It was quick. Daryl nodded and closed his eyes. Rick didn’t look at him when he pulled the trigger. Didn’t look at Judith when he took care of her. He kept his eyes on the wall in front of him as he brought the gun to his own temple and fired his last shot.
So, the birds. That shouldn’t be here. And then another sound that couldn’t possibly be real. A cell phone. Rick’s cell phone. On the nightstand next to his head. In his and Lori’s bedroom back home. Rick opened his eyes to the very real room, distantly aware the ringing had stopped.
He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. The phone started ringing again. Picking it up, Rick hit the answer button and brought it to his ear, “hello?”
“Hey brother, you planning on getting your ass down here today?” Rick didn’t answer. The voice on the other end belonged to a dead man. Rick might have lost his mind in the prison a lifetime ago with that damn phone, but he wasn’t about to be fooled again.
“Rick?” Shane called into the phone, a little louder this time. “Can you hear me?”
Looking around Rick took in the bedroom. Everything was the same as it was that morning. The last morning he remembered being in this house before the coma. Lori was gone, already having left to take Carl to school. Normally, Rick would have already been awake and dressed based on the amount of light coming in the windows. If he was just waking up, he must have overslept.
But he hadn’t overslept. He had shot himself in the fucking head. He should be dead. What the fuck was going on?
“Rick? Brother are you okay? You hurt?” Shane’s tone taking on a concerned note.
“Ye-yeah. I’m fine.” Rick stuttered out. “Not really feeling well.” It wasn’t a lie. He honestly felt like he’d been hit by a mack truck. Not physically though. He got up from the bed and headed out the door to the top floor landing.
“Shit,” Shane commiserated. “I’ll tell the boss you ain’t comin’ in today. Want me to bring somethin’ by?”
Rick frowned down at the phone in his hand then glanced around the hallway. Logically, he knew this was real. He was standing in his house talking on the phone to his partner. There were no walkers. The world hadn’t gone to hell in a handbasket. Emotionally though, he’d just lost both of his children, shot the love of his life, and then killed himself. Emotionally, Rick was not prepared to deal with this right now.
“No. It’s fine. I’ll be fine,” He told Shane. He decided he wasn’t going to deal with any of this. Looking down at the phone again, Rick hit the home screen to check the date. Same day as the car chase. Rick would remember that date forever. “Tell the boss I’m taking all my leave. Family emergency.”
Shane sputtered into the phone, “The fuck? What family emergency? Is Lori okay? Carl?” Rick almost felt bad about the panic in the man’s voice. But then he remembered that Judith had come at least two months too soon to be his, and he’d done the math. He hadn’t been in a coma in the hospital while the world crumbled for that long. A week tops. Any more than that and his body would have started giving out from the lack of food and water. Which means the affair started sooner.
“They’re fine,” Rick grunted out. “Just other family stuff I need to take care of.” He didn’t really want to keep talking anymore. If this is what he thought it was, and he was getting another shot at this, he had things to do. And being on the phone with the man who was fucking his wife wasn’t one of them. Shane didn’t seem like he remembered anything. If Lori did, Rick was pretty sure she’d be here right now.
He didn’t know about the rest of the group, but if it was just him, he had to get started preparing now. His coma had lasted just under five weeks. The first three weeks, nothing had changed. But in the fourth week, the walkers had started, and after trying to fight them off, the military had written the town off as a lost cause and had started killing everyone. Which means Rick had just under four weeks to get ready.
“Alright man. I’ll tell the boss you’re gonna be out a while.” Shane sounded like he was placating him now. Rick really couldn’t care less, rolling his eyes as he made his way down the stairs to check the kitchen pantry for supplies.
“Yeah, thanks. I gotta go.” Rick ended the call before Shane could reply. He tossed the phone on the kitchen counter and started pulling the canned goods from the shelves. There wasn’t much. Some vegetables, beef stew, crushed tomatoes. A bag of rice, and some potatoes, crackers, pasta, and chips. Not much at all.
Leaving his haul on the kitchen table, he walked into his office and opened his laptop. Time to get started on preparations. Actually, that wasn’t a bad idea. He quickly navigated to doomsday prepper websites and started perusing their supply lists. Most of it was stuff their group had already prioritized early on. Non-perishables, water purification systems, hygiene products, camping gear, cold weather items, and weapons. A lot of weapons.
Rick knew that the weapons he had to think about now weren’t just going to be for the walkers, but also for the human garbage they’d come across. Walkers were easy enough with melee weapons. The humans were going to call for heavier firepower though. Those were going to be harder to come by, so he set the thought aside for now and pulled up a new tab for his Amazon account.
He didn’t have much time, but he had enough for an online order. Prime had same day shipping anyway.
Just under $4000 later, double checking his cart against the prepper lists a few times, and he had a massive delivery headed his way. It was enough for now. He still had a list of local items to grab, but he’d need the duffels and gas cans he’d ordered to haul those.
Rick knew it couldn’t hurt to take a look around the military surplus just outside of town, maybe the local hunting store too. Opening the desk drawer for a pen and paper to jot down a list of helpful locations, he noticed the manila envelope peeking out from under a stack of pads. He rarely went in this drawer, but it wasn’t something he’d noticed before, so he pulled it out. Opening the flap, he had just enough time to read the word ‘Divorce’ before the sound of keys in the front door had him scrambling to shove the papers back in and bury the envelope back under the legal pads.
“Rick,” Lori’s voice called out as he heard her footsteps headed up the stairs. “Rick, you up there?”
He stepped out of the office before she made it halfway. “No, I’m right here.” It was the same tone of voice he’d used with Shane. He felt the same detached feeling come over him as he watched her turn back to look at him. It wasn’t with any surprise, but he realized then that he didn’t look at her and see family. She was just a woman. The mother of his child, sure. But just a woman.
In the years since this day, he’d moved on. He’d grieved, and he’d gone a little crazy from the loss, but he’d moved on. Lori was alive, standing right in front of him. But she’d also been planning on leaving. Hell, she’d already moved on if the papers in that envelope meant anything.
“Shane said you were acting strange,” she frowned up at him. “What’s going on?”
Rick couldn’t help the little chuckle that escaped. “Shane said? When did you talk to Shane?” God, had he really not noticed before? How long had it been going on?
He had a sudden flashback to this day from the first time around. Sitting in the car with Shane. What was it he’d said about the girl he’d been seeing? That she’d tell him to talk about things with her. And Rick had thought he’d just been sharing in solidarity about how Lori would always say the same thing to him. Speak. Shit, he’d had no idea at the time that they’d been talking about the same fucking woman.
Lori either didn’t notice his mood, or didn’t care. “God Rick. He called me this morning when you didn’t show up for work.” She threw her hands in the air with a huff and walked off towards the kitchen. “What’s going on with you? He said you were taking leave? I didn’t know about this? Why didn’t you tell me?” She stopped at the table and looked down at the food sorted on top. “What the hell is this?”
Rick followed her to the entryway of the kitchen but didn’t come in. “I didn’t tell you because it wasn’t about you,” he told her. Calmly, no anger, just words. “And I thought I’d do some shopping today so I wanted to see what we already had.”
Lori turned back to face him, incredulous. “Not about me?” She seethed. “How is you not going to work not abou-” The ringing of Rick’s cell from the counter cut her off.
Crossing the room, Rick picked up the phone. Unknown number, but the area code was for a couple counties over. He clicked answer. “Hello?”
“Rick Grimes?” came a familiar voice he hadn’t heard in far too long. “Hello? Is this the number for Rick Grimes?”
He dropped into the closest chair. “Hershel?”
“Hello, Son,” came the warm voice from the other end. “It feels like only yesterday for me, but I have the feeling it’s been a lot longer for you.” Rick couldn’t believe it. This man had become something of a father figure for him. His loss had hardened something inside of Rick, and now he was there on the phone.
For the first time since he woke up this morning, Rick thought he might cry. “Years,” he replied, voice trembling slightly.
“Well that’s just fine, then.” Hershel was smiling, Rick could hear it. “Maggie remembers, but no one else from my side. Yours?”
Lori was staring at him when he glanced up. Her face showed she was plainly confused with the fact that he was so obviously affected by the caller. “No, just me,” he told him.
Hershel was quiet for a few moments, then “The way I see it, we have just under a month to get ready. You know the farm will hold us for a while, and the prison won’t be an option just yet. But Maggie and I are looking into a few alternative security measures. She’s been researching all morning.”
Rick let out a tired laugh. “Yeah, doin’ something like that here, too. Got a bunch of supplies coming from online.” He ran a hand over his face, then stood up to leave the room, making sure to dodge Lori on his way out. “Was gonna head out to check on some local stores.” This was good. When the supplies came, he could load them in a U-Haul and take them down to the farm. Actually, scratch that. He didn’t want Lori asking questions about him stockpiling. Especially if she’d think he’d lost his mind because of it. “Hey, now that I’m thinking about it, send me your address, I’ll change the delivery location to the farm. Keep all the supplies together from the start.”
“That sounds good, Rick. We have more than enough room in the barn. Let me know if you want me to come with you to those stores.” God, yes, Rick wanted Hershel to come with him. He felt so lonely all of a sudden. Then, as if answering Rick’s unspoken plea, Hershel continued, “I can swing up to your town tomorrow if that works. I thought for now I’d try to track down some of the others.”
“Yeah, that’s perfect,” Rick sighed, making his way back up the stairs to get dressed. “If you could try to reach Dar- Daryl. If you can find him…What if he doesn’t rem-” He sat down on the bed, holding a pair of jeans in his fist as the hurt in his chest overwhelmed him. He needed Daryl here. He needed him. What would he do if his hunter didn’t remember?
“Don’t worry, Rick. I’ll find him. I’ll find as many as I can.” Hershel must have heard the desperation in his voice because his soothing tone was exactly what Rick needed right now. As he was about to thank the man, his phone beeped with an incoming call.
“Hershel, I’ve got to let you go, Carl’s school’s calling.” Rick explained. “I’ll save this number and call you tomorrow. Tell Maggie to text me so I have hers too.”
Clicking over to the next call, Rick was a little apprehensive, “Yes?”
“Hello, I’m looking for Mr. Rick Grimes?” The cheerful administrator asked.
“Speaking. Is this about my son?” Tucking the phone against his shoulder, Rick quickly pulled up the jeans and sat to pull on his socks and boots.
“Yes, Mr. Grimes,” came the cheery tone. Rick hated her already. “This is Cindy at your son’s school. He’s here in the front office and is pretty adamant we call you. He’s worked himself into quite a state.”
The laughing lilt to her voice pissed him off and he tried to keep the gruff tone out of his reply. He was not successful. “Then put him on the phone so I can talk to him.”
“Dad?” came Carl’s shaky voice. His son had obviously been crying. Rick was going to have a little talk with Cindy first chance he got.
“I’m here, son,” Rick murmured back into the phone. “I’m here.”
“Dad. Please come get me,” Carl begged. Rick knew his son was still crying, obviously panicking about something. “You can’t go to work today. Please. It has to be today. Something bads going to happen.” Rick knew right then that Carl had remembered. His son was here with him.
Shushing his son’s increasingly frantic pleas, Rick spoke soothingly into the cell. “It’s ok, Carl. I’m coming to get you. I’m here. I remember too.”
Carl’s end of the conversation had dissolved into sobbing and Rick’s heart ached for the pain he must be in. Cindy came back on the line and assured Rick that she would take Carl to the nurse’s office to wait with him until Rick got there. He figured he’d give Cindy a pass just this once. He was already out of the house and opening his truck door by the time the call ended. Lori had followed him out on the porch and was trying to talk to him as he pulled out of the drive. For the second time that morning, Rick rolled his eyes.
Signing Carl out of school took no time. The tearful reunion with his son took a little longer. Carl was a bit subdued, but perked up a little when Rick told him they were headed to the military surplus store. He started telling Rick about this story Daryl had shared one time about living off MRE’s for a while, and that they should totally stock up on those.
Rick recounted his Amazon splurge from that morning, listing all of the things he could remember putting in the online cart. Carl started laughing “Mom’s gonna be so pissed when she finds out.”
He didn’t call his son on the language. In the here and now, Carl was a boy. But as far as his memories and experiences went, Rick knew he hadn’t been a little boy in a long time. Not since the prison, really. Noticing Carl had started to fidget, Rick pulled himself out of his musing and asked what was wrong.
“It’s just… I gotta tell you, but you’re not going to like it.” Carl looked straight ahead, face turned into a pensive scowl. Ricked huffed out a laugh at how much his son seemed to be channeling Daryl’s facial expressions. It wasn’t a surprise. The two had a bond strong enough that Carl genuinely looked at Daryl as a second father. He’d told Rick as much about a year ago.
“Carl, no secrets. Remember?” Rick reached over and ruffled his boy’s hair, chuckling when his hand was swatted away.
“Right.” Carl sat up straight in the seat and nodded, gaze unwavering from the road in front of them. “Mom and Shane.” He cleared his throat. “That’s a thing that’s happening. Like, it’s happening now. It didn’t start after the walkers.”
Rick nodded his head a few times. The anger and hurt he expected to feel didn’t come. Just that strange detached feeling from before. If anything, he was a little pissed they were stupid enough to let it slip to Carl, however that happened. But other than that, nothing.
“I know. I realized that this morning.” Rick took a deep breath and let it out. “Look Carl, I found something this morning. It’s not that I want to tell you, but no secrets.” Another deep breath. “Your mom had a lawyer draw up divorce papers. It can’t be like it was the first time. I can’t try to make it work anymore.”
“Dad, no.” Carl shifted in his seat immediately until he was twisted in his seatbelt, facing Rick. “Of course not. I mean, you and Daryl, ya know. It’s just… Well, are we going to take her with us?”
“I think…” Rick started. “I was thinking I’d confront her about it now, and see where we ended up then.” If he’d been sitting at a table instead of driving the truck, his leg would already be bouncing. “The only thing could go wrong, the way I figure, is Judy. If your mom and Shane are together now, before everything, Shane might not lose it later. He still might, and I haven’t decided if that’s a risk I’m willing to take.”
Rick knew with the way things were changing he wouldn’t get the forewarning of memories to tell him when Shane would come after him. Hell, he might never. But he couldn’t shake the way he felt talking to the two of them this morning. They weren’t family.
“She’ll probably want to go with Shane, anyway.” Carl kicked at the floorboard as he resituated himself in his seat. Rick was amused to see the slight pout on his face when he realized his legs weren’t long enough to reach the ground anymore.
“Hey, why do you say that?” Rick nudged the boy’s shoulder. “Your mom loves you, you know that.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s been treating me like I’m a brat for a while now.” Carl was slumped in the seat. On any other kid, Rick would say he was being a petulant child. But this was Carl. The boy he’d watch grow into an amazing young man. “I mean, I get it. Before this, I was a kid and complained about things. But I don’t think complaining about how she would leave me alone in the car when she went up to Shane’s apartment to visit is the same as being a brat. And now I know what she was visiting for. Or when she would leave me alone at the quarry to go off into the woods with him. Just, I’m done with it.”
Rick was floored. That little anger he felt earlier at Shane and Lori for Carl’s awareness was a tiny flame to the hate he felt in this moment. “Son, I didn’t know any of that.” Rick tried to keep his voice level as he spoke. “I’m so sorry that happened. You know I would’ve never let that happen if I knew.”
“Yeah, I know.” He sounded resigned to the whole affair. Like he’s dealt with the feelings a long time ago, and now it was a distant memory. “It’s fine though, Dad. I talked to Daryl about it all, so that helped. I’m not upset about it, really. I’m just trying to get used to the idea that we might not have Judith this time.”
They pulled into the parking lot of the store and Carl already had his door open with a grin on his face. “Come on, Dad. Let’s go buy Daryl a shit ton of MREs. If he doesn’t ask you to marry him after that, I’ll kick him out of the family.”
Rick laughed at his son’s sudden shift in mood and followed him inside. They did end up buying a pallet of MRE’s along with an extra camping grill, and more winter gear. The best find was when Carl noticed a beautiful crossbow on the wall behind the counter, a twin of the Striker Daryl had picked up along the way. Rick nearly cleaned them out on bolts and was proud of keeping a straight face when the staff gave him alarmed looks. Thank God for credit cards.
Climbing back in the truck, Rick pulled his phone out and handed it to Carl. “Hit redial on the last unknown number and put it on speaker.” Carl shot a puzzled look at his dad, but did as he was told.
“Rick?” Hershel’s voice rang out in the cab. Rick placed a calming hand on Carl’s shoulders when he heard the boy suck in a gasp.
“Hey Hershel, I’ve got Carl here with me. He remembers everything too.” Rick smiled as the two greeted each other, and squeezed his shoulder again when he noticed Carl wiping unshed tears from his eyes. “We stopped by that store I told you about, headed your way now to drop off some supplies.”
“That’s perfect timing actually,” Hershel laughed into the phone. “It’ll take ya about how long to get here? Hour and a half?”
“Yeah about that.” Rick looked up at the road he was on. He’d be able to navigate back to the farm from memory after his time there. “We’re a little closer since we’re leaving from the store instead of the house.”
“Good. Good. I’ve got Annette cooking up a meal for some friends headed our way.” And wasn’t that the best thing Rick had heard all day. He’d been so focused on getting things ready, he’d forgotten about food. Habits from the apocalypse. “You and Carl had best not eat before you get here. There’ll be more than enough to go around.” Rick agreed not to stop anywhere, even though the thought of food had his stomach grumbling loud enough for Carl to snicker at him.
The drive took just under two hours. Rick had gotten slightly lost one time, but he blamed that on having never come to the farm from this direction, and the missed exit. Pulling into the dirt driveway, he could see movement around the side of the house. Carl jumped out of the truck and launched himself up the porch to meet Hershel as he came out. Maggie not far behind. Rick made his own way over and forced his lungs to take deep breaths as he greeted the family he thought he’d never see again.
After the hugs and tears were out of the way, Maggie chased Carl down into the yard in a wild game of tag. Of course Maggie won, and Rick laughed as Maggie grabbed his son from behind, lifted him off the ground, and swung him around in circles. Much to the boy’s vehement displeasure.
He was laughing so hard that he almost missed the two motorcycles off to the side of the house. Hershel saw his gaze and placed a grounding hand on Rick’s arm. “Son, I think there’s someone here who want’s to see you.”
No sooner had Hershel finished speaking than the front door creaked open. Rick turned to look and immediately had to bend over to brace against his legs to keep from falling. He couldn’t stop the groan that came out of his mouth. Anguish and hope warring for ownership.
Daryl was off the porch in seconds, striding over to Rick and pulling him up in a crushing hug. Rick knew they were being watched, he knew the embrace was lasting way too long by any normal standards. But this wasn’t a normal situation, and Daryl had just died last night.
“We’re together.” Daryl whispered in his ear. “Just like you said. Together.”
Rick sobbed into his hunter’s shoulder. “I love you” and “I’ll never leave you” whispered back over and over.
“Dad!” Came a shout from the yard and they barely had time to brace for impact as Carl came running over, colliding with their waists.
Daryl stepped back and gathered Carl into his arms, lifting him up to carry him over to the porch. He sat down on the top step with the boy’s legs wrapped around his hips, and his arms around his neck in a choking hold. Cooing and murmuring calming sounds to the boy, Daryl stroked his hair as Carl sobbed against him.
Rick came over and sat against Daryl on the step, tilting his head into a soft kiss that spoke only of love and relief. He lifted a hand to join Daryl in comforting his son. Nothing that happened today could compare to the sense of wholeness he felt at this very moment. Surrounded by family, but more importantly, sitting next to his boy and his love.
Eventually, the others came out of the house, loaded for bear with dishes and headed for the picnic table. Rick followed their path with his gaze and noticed the second motorcycle. “That Merle?” He asked.
Daryl looked over at him, eyes asking for support. “Yeah. He uh… he remembers too. Said it wasn’t going to be like that this time. Asked me to help him get clean.” He lifted one hand to smooth the hair on the back of his head. “I remember a talk I had with Hershel about him kickin’ a habit, so I looked him up. ‘S damn lucky he remembered everything.”
Rick nodded in understanding. He’d been through the same emotions earlier. He was about to ask where the man was, but Daryl beat him to it. “He’s down in the barn, locked up in one of the stalls. Ironic, ya know?”
Rick chuckled and stood up so they could join the others at the table. He moved in to take Carl from where he was still wrapped around the hunter, but Daryl waved him off. “Nah, he’s alright. Aren’tcha little man?” He kept his voice soft for Carl as he carried him across the lawn.
Rick couldn’t help the grin that stretched over his face as he heard Carl’s muffled retort about not being little. They had plans to make, more supplies to gather, and more family to locate. But here, right now, Rick couldn’t help but feel eternally grateful for the second chance they were getting. He swore to himself, looking out over the familiar faces, that this time he was going to keep them alive.