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Chapter Text

Hello, ONE and all! At long last, The Great Candied Adventure! The pirate adventure begins with our favorite raccoon lassie and her Sector V pals! But, before we get started on it, here’s a preview to introduce a new teammate, whom we actually first met a while ago!

You Owe Me

Cleveland, Virginia

A sunny day as always in Cleveland, and a particular street was bustling with excited kids, loaded with wallets or piggybanks as they gathered before a GameStop. A new game was being released today, and they couldn’t be more excited; or more disorganized. “Alright, CALM DOWN everyone, just get in a single-file line and we promise to have one for each of you.” The storeowner said.

The kids got in a line that stretched all the way around a block. The kids near the front looked as a boy in black clothing dashed their way tirelessly, clutching his own piggybank tight. “I’m not late for the opening, am I?!” Mason asked panickingly.

“No, but, there’s kind of a line.” A boy replied.

“Mind if I cut? I just got back from a vacation and I kinda forgot this was comin’ out today.”

“Well, you picked a wrong time to go on vacation.”

I’d like to see YOU not get lost in space. Mason wanted to say, but that would sound weird. “Fine.” He begrudgingly went to the back of the line.

He waited for 10 minutes and the line barely moved at all. He didn’t imagine there would be this many loaded kids, though. He imagined most of them got loans from their parents, though, loans that would probably never be repaid. The truth is, Mason worked for his cash, taking small jobs like mowing lawns or cleaning windows, until he saved up that $49.99 for the game, and also $139.99 for the Wii U II he didn’t have. His mom probably would’ve lent him some money if he asked, but her days were stressful enough already.

His wristwatch started beeping, so he answered. “Mason, it’s Aurora. The Decommissioning Troops were chasing a rogue operative and he escaped somewhere downtown. You’re the nearest in that area, so help them catch him.”

Mason wanted to object… but it probably would’ve been a while until this line got closer. “Sigh. Fine.”

Meanwhile downtown, a group of decommissioners struggled to catch a fleeing male teenager in a green sweater and black pants. Numbuh Vo-Syem (a Russian 8) easily dodged the operatives’ ray guns and wielded a long hammer and metal hook staff, with a huge hook. He stopped and turned as the operatives flew at him with jetpacks, and he either knocked them away with his hammer or caught them with his hook and tossed them at other operatives. “Your attempts are futile, former comrades.” He said with a Russian accent.

“Ugh. Wonderful time for Maddy to visit Mocha.” Francis mumbled, Zach by his side.

“Relax, Fran! I brought my banana cream!” Zach perked, pulling out a bowl of the squishy substance.

“That’s great, Bobo Boy. Now use it.”

“RIGHT! Hnnnn!...” He hurled the pie straight at the traitor, but it plopped on the ground halfway. “…The anteater was supposed to come out… I hope he didn’t just take the money and go.”

“Hmph. And my superiors fear you.” Numbuh Vo-Syem remarked. “Huh?-” He quickly jumped away before a Gas Bomb came.

“Listen, guy, I’m kinda in a hurry, so why don’t you just turn yourself in?” Mason requested.

“You will have to do better than that.” He dodged as Mason used a single hand to throw gas blasts, using his other arm to hold the piggybank. “Why do you hold that pig so caringly?”

“Because it’s the result of my hard work and dedication.”

“And I get decommissioning for my hard work. I see no reason I shall let you have your reward.” In a flick, he whipped his hook-staff over and caught Mason’s piggybank.

“GIVE THAT BACK!!” Mason ran to grab it, but Numbuh Vo-Syem jumped away.

“HAAAH!-” Francis and Zach charged and tackled him from behind, causing the bank to fly to the air. Mason gasped and ran to catch it, but Vo-Syem caught his leg with his staff and tripped him. Mason was stricken with despair when the piggybank smashed, and all the scattered dollars blew everywhere in the wind.

“NOOO!” He tried to catch a few, but it seemed fruitless as most of it was lost.

“You have my discontent.” Numbuh Vo-Syem told him before kicking his assaulters off and fleeing.

“Sorry ‘bout that… Mason.” Francis said.

“Forget it.” Mason looked down hopelessly and walked away.

He stuffed what little money that remained in his pocket and walked downtown aimlessly. He worked so hard to collect all that, and not to mention enduring the whole space adventure… he hated life so much sometimes. “Oof!” When he passed a corner, he bumped into someone and fell to his behind.

“Look, much?” remarked a familiar girl with puffy blonde hair, green dress, and holding a sun umbrella.

“Oh, hi, Carol.” He replied solemnly.

“What’s wrong, Maseyfairy? Someone die or something?”

“Well, we did lose one of our friends.”

“Who, the raccoon?”

“No, it-… never mind. Sigh, I’ve been saving all this money for the past few weeks so I can buy this new game, then this kid made me drop my piggybank and now it’s-” he waved his hand, “gone.”

“Ohh… Well, that’s the unfortunate part about not being a rich person, I guess.”

His eyes furrowed as he stood up. “Sigh, I know I try to follow Sheila’s ideals, but I don’t see the point in things sometimes. You work so hard for something and in the end, it doesn’t matter. ‘Cause people just…” he threw his arms down in anger, “take things from you. You know?”

“Barely. I’ve always gotten everything.”

“Siiigh.” Mason walked past her. “Forget it.”

She grabbed his shoulder, “Look, Maseyfairy, I don’t know what’s so special about this game, but I hate that mopey look on you. How much money was it?”

“About 200 dollars. But I caught some, so it’s just 189 left.”

“Alright then, here.” She pulled out two 100-dollar bills.

Mason looked at them with surprise. “Um… what-?”

“I’m lending you $200 to pay for your game. I mean, poor people can’t help if they’re poor, so consider it a generous gesture.”

Mason wore a blank look as he took the money, but was actually feeling unspeakably grateful. “Um… thanks… Carol.”

“No problem. By the way, what game is it?”

“It’s called Legend of the Firstborn; the producer based it off rumors he collected around the world. All our parents might be in it! And it looks REALLY cool, too!”

“I’m suddenly curious. Hope you enjoy it.” She smiled with a haughty look as she walked away. “Of course…” She turned around and smirked, “You owe me.”

“Heheh…I’ll pay you back, Carol. I promise.”

And Mason excitedly ran for the game store while Carol left the other way. Mason returned to the line before the game store, watching as an anteater walked out. “Oh BOY, Legend of the Firstborn at last! I gotta get started with it now!!”

Mason only looked confusedly and shrugged.

Carol is from One Piece, but she first appeared in my Mason and the Minish Door story. With that, let’s begin the true story!

Chapter 1: The Lost Recipe

Big Mom Pirates’ Hideout

“All our ships have sailed off, Captain. It won’t be long until the Sugary Wonders are in our grasp.”

“I would hope so for your succulent sake, Black John. But what of the recipe requiring such sweets? Your men will never find them, if you do not know what they are.”

“Ay’ve already sent Nickel Joe and the young’uns to acquire it. Assuming we can trust what Augustus says. Afterwards, they’re going to catch the spicy wench which badmouthed ye.”

“Nyyyaaaa. I’ve never felt more hungry for sugar and spice. See to it they return here soon. Or you will have to satisfy my blood-sugar levels…”

Sector V Treehouse

A casual day at Sector V’s treehouse. Kirie and Chris were playing games together (in which Kirie kicks butt), Aurora went over mission reports, and the others were doing their own thing. It was pretty calm and quiet, and they quite enjoyed the relaxation, considering their previous mission. But the silence was silenced when-

“WOOHOOOO!” Sheila Frantic burst into the living room, more excited than she’s ever been. “OooooKAY! It’s a new day! Come on, everybody! Let’s go on an adventure!”

Everybody looked at her with humorous, disbelieved smiles. “Isn’t it a bit early, Sheila?” Mason asked.

“It’s never too early for adventures, people! We just got done with the whole Nexus thinger, so that leaves room for even MORE adventures! So come on, wot’s everyone so lazy for??”

“We just went on an adventure for more than a week, we wanna relax.” Harry stated.

“And to be honest Sheila, we’re still a little bummed over the whole ‘Vanellope vanishing’.” Aurora reminded.

“Especially Dillon.” Chris mentioned. “She was his adopted sister, after all.”

The shadowbender as mentioned was seated on the couch, head rested on his hand as he wore a glum look. “Don’t forget Game-and-Watch.” Artie noted. “He doesn’t even come out anymore.”

“Well, bonkers, whoy don’t we go out and SEARCH for Vanellope?? She might be in the forest, or back in Cyberspace for all we know! All I know, we AIN’T gonna find her by sittin’ around! There’s a whole world just WAITIN’ to be explored!”

“Man, Sheila, why so peppy today?” Mason asked. “Someone put something in your soda?”

“You’re the Soda Supplier, so that’d be your fault, Mason.” Aurora remarked, earning a glare from the boy.

“Why WOULDN’T I be, mates?? It’s a beautiful day today! There’s a whole bunch of adventure in the air and Oi want ta WHIFF it all!”

Aurora chuckled. “Well, maybe we’ll go on an adventure ‘soon as we get a mission. But before that happens, we need to stay put so we’ll be ready.”

Sheila frowned grumpily and decided to walk out onto the balcony. Mason raised a brow and curiously walked after her.

Mason found his raccoon friend lying on the balcony floor, hands folded under her head in boredom. “Umm… Sheila? Is something wrong? You really aren’t this excited for adventure every day. Is somethin’ going on?”

“Siiiigh, nothin’s goin’ on, Mate. But Ah hate how no one else has the same taste in adventure as I do. No one has the same need for excitement. They just don’t appreciate life as much.”

“Heheh, I’m sure they do, Sheila. That’s why they’re playing videogames, and, hanging out with friends. Just stuff that we love to do.”

“Sigh, but it’s just not the same, Mate. It’s just… I joined the Kids Next Door for the excitement and adventure. But it’s just no fun if ya have ta wait ta go on the adventure. Pirates get ta sail anywhere they want, whenevuh. But aren’t kids supposed ta have that freedom, too? Jus’ look at Timmy and ‘ikari. Ya hardly ever see ‘em at home. …And I would know.”

Mason smiled and sat beside her. “Ahhh, don’t worry, Sheila. Once we’re done defeating all the major bad guys in the world, we’ll get to do all the adventuring we want. And even before then… life has so much excitement. ‘Course, we wouldn’t go on adventures without these bad guys to begin with. So why would we wanna beat ‘em. You know what I’m sayin’-” He turned to her and saw she had fallen asleep.

Mason liked it when she slept. She looked so beautiful, the sun illuminating her vibrant face. She usually had so much energy—like just moments ago—it was a weird sight to see her resting. But it was a sight Mason loved to see. …It sounded weird when he thought about it. Mason picked a few leaves from the treehouse branches and let them fall onto Sheila’s face. He sported a humorous smile before returning inside.

Strowd Estate

The Strowd Estate: home of the richest family in West Virginia. Stationed on a private setting within the woods, and sealed in a wall with some gates. But this peaceful residence was about to get an unpleasant visit from Nickel Joe and the Deadly Baby Trio; Stewie, Rallo, and Maggie.

“Ahhh, there it is… the Strowd Estate. Home of the richest family in West Virginia.” Nickel Joe said with a grin, flipping his nickel.

“You know, we can read the non-dialogue script.” Stewie said disbelieved.

“Accordin’ to Augustus’s report, this is the home of a man who was born in the 19^th century, and frozen in sherbet ice cream in a mission to recover the Annoying Triplets’ recipe. A little over 20 years ago, he was unfrozen. But his family was fabulously wealthy durin’ his time, and when they learned who he was, he inherited the wealth. And if he’s hopin’ on keepin’ it, he better spill the beans.” And with one last flip, he flicked his coin and blasted the front gate open.

The four casually stepped to the front door as Joe rang the doorbell. A little brown-haired girl answered, dressed in fancy, old-timey clothes. “Why, hello, good sirs and ma’am!”

“Mw-mw.” Maggie said.

“Good afternoon, Little Girl.” Nickel Joe grinned slyly. “We was wonderin’ if yer father was home.”

“But of course! Come on in!” They followed the girl inside as the Baby Trio observed the fancy interior. It was what you’d expect of a rich person’s home, but there were plenty of black-and-white pictures and general old-timey merchandise.

“Apparently the phrase ‘get with the program’ isn’t familiar to these people.” Stewie remarked.

“DAAAAD! There’s a gent and his babies here to see you!” the girl called.

The man of the house, Richard Strowd Sr., stepped down the foyer stairs. “Evangeline Margaret Strowd, have I taught you nothing about letting strangers in the house?” the man stated scoldingly.

“Please, Mistuh Strowd, ya haven’t anythin’ to fear, we’re just here on business!” Joe assured. And with that, Stewie whipped out a goo gun and shot at Evangeline, sticking her against the wall.

“Evangeline!” Rick exclaimed. Nickel Joe shot forward and kicked the man against the stairs.

“Business is strictly business, Mr. Strowd. So tell me: where is the recipe?”

“The…The recipe?”

“You know very well what Ah’m talkin’ about. The recipe to the tastiest cake in the universe, created by the mother of the Annoyingly Cute Triplets. Our sources say you are the only one who saw its contents.”

“I’m sorry, Sir, but I haven’t the slightest clue what you’re talking about. If you’re looking for a good cake recipe, might I suggest using this new thing called ‘the Internet’…”

“Unfort’nately, I ain’t a computer wiz, so let’s rap this up. And I phrase ‘rap’ without the double-yuh. Rallo, do the honors for me.”

The 5-year-old African-American (“Just say ‘Black’, who you trying not to offend?” Stewie stated) revealed two boombox stereos in his afro. He flipped a switch as music started to play, and the boy took out a microphone to begin singing.

“Ooooohh Fathaaaahh! Why are YOU so fat?” Rick Strowd began to dance against his will. “Oooohhh Daddyyyyy! Why are YOU SOOO DIIIIM!” Rick jumped to his feet and started to shake his knees as he slid left and right along the one stair. “Can’t you see your SHOW is NOT SO gooood. And if you KEEP IT gooooin’ on. You gonna SHARE the same old faaate: AAAAS JOEEEEEYYY!”

And on that final note, his boombox unleashed a swarm of musical notes that pelted Rick Strowd and knocked him down again, leaving bloody bruises. “And on this SECOND verse, Maggie Simpson will be shootin’ ya with a rifle.” Joe said.

The spike-haired baby looked fierce as she loaded a rifle. “Mw-mw.”

“Stooop!” The group looked up the stairs as Margaret Drilovsky-Strowd hurried down, dressed in a pink frilly dress.

“And who might you be?” Nickel Joe grinned. “The lady of the house.”

“I know what you guys are after.” Margie stated. “And there’s a reason my husband can’t remember: he was decommissioned.”

“Decommissioned?...”

“Yes. He was in the Kids Next Door, but he was decommissioned for being technically overage. He forgot the recipe as a result.”

“Well, how the bloody hell are we supposed to get the recipe now??” Stewie questioned angrily. “We can’t just go back empty-handed, it’s like giving your friend trading cards for a show he’s never watched on his birthday!”

“But you know of these Kids Next Door, too.” Nickel Joe grinned slyly. “Tell me, is there a way to restore his memory back?”

“Yes.” Margaret glared. “The one who decommissioned him was my sister-in-law. And if I’m correct, her kids have taken over that task. I bet they have a solution to this.”

“You’ve peaked my interest, Miss Strowd.” Joe grinned, flipping his nickel. “So please, tell me: where can I find these relatives o’ yours?”

Sector V Treehouse

Sheila was still snoring away on the balcony as the peaceful winds blew across her. “Sheila? …Sheila?” Aurora shook their friend awake.

“Sno- W-Wot?” Sheila sat up and turned to her 9 friends of Sector V.

“Sheila, we just wanted to say we’re sorry for sounding lazy earlier.” Aurora spoke. “But we figured, after all that Tachyon business and losing Vanellope, maybe we need something to get that off our minds. So, let’s have an adventure!” she said perkily. “If there’s anywhere you wanna go, just name it!”

“Hmmmmmm…” Sheila began to think about this. The raccoon gave a bright smile and jumped to her feet. “Oi wanna go to the MOON!!” She pointed directly upward.

“…” Sector V was totally baffled. “Uhhh… we go to the moon all the time, Sheila.” Aurora reminded.

“Noooo!! Oi mean the REAL moon!! Not that cruddy Moonbase!” Sheila stared up with wonder. “Every night I see that glistening beauty hanging in the sky… and Oi always wonder, what lie on its surface. …It’s been my dream to go up there and walk along its surface! AND I WANNA GO!”

“Sheila, the Moonbase lies on its surface.” Harry stated. “The rest of it’s just a big, dead-… Huh?” However, the raccoon girl was suddenly gone.

They hurried inside and found Sheila sitting in the C.O.O.L.-B.U.S. in the hangar. “Let’s GO already!” They looked disbelieved.

The Moon

The C.O.O.L.-B.U.S. sped right up to Moonbase and aimed directly at the hangar. But instead, the ship flew up and around the Moonbase, before flying down and landing flat on the moon’s surface. The door opened as the kids stepped out, dressed in spacesuits and wearing helmets. “Well… here we are. The moon…” Aurora spoke as they studied the vast, barren gray surface.

“Do you like it, Sheila?...” Harry asked.

“Sniiiiiiiff…” Sheila inhaled a big whiff through her nose, wearing no protective clothing at all. “Smells jus’ loike I imagined it.”

“AAAAAHH!!” They screamed, seeing this. “Sheila put the air helmet on or you’re gonna diiie!!!” Mason said quickly.

“Ahhh, quit yellerin’, Mate!” Sheila beamed. “Ah’m half-Mobian! Empty space has as much fresh air as any other planet!”

“But… that doesn’t make sense.” Aurora said. “I mean, why would humanoid animal beings be immune to no oxygen? And plus, you’re still half-human.”

“Yah, maybe. But OI feel-” However, her eyes widened as she suddenly began choking, gripping her neck as she fell to her knees. “A-A-Ack! H-Help… need… air! A-A-Ack…”

“Sheeeilaaaaa!” Mason whined.

In seconds, the kids gave their friend a space helmet, and she whiffed the air in her nose. “Ahhhh…now tha’s more crookey, eh? Ahem…now le’s go EXPLORE!” She pointed forward with enthusiasm. The kids still stared weirdly, for she only had a helmet and oxygen tank on her back. Instead of a suit, she still wore a green T-shirt, short black shorts, and green flip-flops.

“And you still dress like you’re going to a party on the beach.” Aurora said. “The moon’s cold, you know.”

“Only at noight, Mate! But in the life of an adventurer, you only need one pair of clothes. Like these sandals!” She pointed at her sandals. “Me mum gave me this pair when Ah began adventuring and Ah plan to walk a thousand miles in them!”

“They didn’t even fit you ‘til you were 9.” Mason stated.

“This ain’t the time for shoe sizes, Mate! We’ve got exploring to do! First thing I wanna do…” With that, she squatted down as tight as she could, charging up momentum, then finally- “WOOHOOOO!” leaped high, high, HIGH into the air, er, space. She was several meters in the air before the low gravity began to slowly pull her back. The others merely watched her descent, an excited grin on her face as her legs bent upward. Her legs straightened down again before she landed lightly on her feet. “That was inCREDIBLE! It felt like there were springs in my feet!”

“Well, that is how the astronauts did it.” Artie smirked.

“Come on, you blokes! Maybe we’ll find some ALIENS on here! WHEEEEHOOOO!” And Sheila began skipping across the moon, making long, wide leaps.

“Sheila, if we wanna find aliens, we can just drive up to GKND Headquarters!” Aurora yelled as they jumped after her.

“Ehhh, those guys are old-time. But a MOONY alien, that’ll just be the HOOTS, Mate!”

Inside Moonbase

Supreme Leader Cheren was filing paperwork as usual as his assistant, Panini Drilovsky brought in another file. “Sector V brought the mission report regarding the galactic mission, Sir.”

“Good.” Cheren took the folder and began to skim it. “Hmmm… so they never found Caesar, huh. That could present a problem.”

“You don’t think Sector DR had somethin’ to do with that, huh?”

“I do. But I can’t call ‘em on it without proof. Well, I kinda have proof, but… not really. I’ll probably send spies to Dressrosa to look after Doflamingo’s father. He’s on our suspect list.”

“Me and Francis have to run home, though. Apparently our cousins are coming over, and Dad wants us ta be there. Since it’s his sister and we don’t see them much.”

“Oh, Madame Margaret…” Cheren recalled. “What’re they coming for?”

“Ay don’t know, it was sort of suddenly. Guess we better go, though.” She walked away.

“Okay. Take care! And make sure Francis don’t get turned into a girl!”

“Ha ha ha ha!”

The Moon’s surface

Sector V quit hopping after a while and began walking normally, exploring the moon’s surface for about 15 minutes. Even though their bodies were lighter than on Earth, they already began to ache, feeling extremely bored. Except Sheila, of course. The energetic raccoon marched forward with enthusiasm, showing no signs of tiredness, eager to see every corner of this barren surface. “Agh, I have an itch on my back and I can’t scratch it ‘cause of this suit!” Harry complained. “Man, why’d we even agree to this? We coulda gone to someplace fun like, Sector J or the arcade, but she wanted to walk around a dump like this.”

Sheila immediately stopped and turned to glare at him. “Look, Mate, if you wanna go to the same ol’ place over ‘n’ over again, then be my guest. But don’t keep someone else from seein’ somethin’ new. So either turn back now, or keep explorin’.” With that, she walked forward more, and the friends followed.

“Siiiigh. And Sunni was obsessed. But I guess this ain’t so bad.” Harry said.

The kids soon arrived at a wide, deep crater, and Sheila’s mouth widened with joy. “Bonkers, mates… it’s water! We found a pool o’ lunar water!” Indeed, it was a pool of blue, frozen water. Sheila jumped into the pit and landed softly on the ice. “Oi wonder if it feels jus’ like normal water? Oi gotta find out, mates!” With that, she jumped high in the air(?) and shot down with a forceful punch on the ice. It wouldn’t break, so she made multiple leaps, trying her best to punch the ice.

“Hm... girl’ll try anything.” Harry snickered lightly.

“She better watch herself.” Dillon said.

“Relax, that ice’s colder than the North Pole, she’ll never crack it.”

Aurora looked up, feeling bored, and her eyes widened at the marvel above. “Hey… check out Earth.” They looked directly up at the beautiful blue planet. It had an unrealistic glow to it, and the ocean and landmasses seemed like what you’d find on a globe.

“The map-makers really got it down.” Chris said.

“From here, it looks so small…” Haylee said. “But when you’re up there, there’s… so much to it. …But we’ve only been to a few places. It still feels small.”

“Then maybe we should adventure more.” Mason figured. “There’s probably a hundred things no one’s ever seen. So many unexplored places…”

“Well, our missions come first.” Harry figured. “That’s what the leaduhs say.”

“Yeah, but it’s what Sheila wants to see.” Mason replied. “Just look at her.”

Sheila didn’t stop jumping and trying to punch the ice. They expected her to be getting tired by now, but she looked so determined. So full of spirit… just like her mother.

Young 5-year-old Sheila followed her mother up a forest hill, stopping before a towering cliff. “Now Sheila, on your adventures, you’re going to be running into some big obstacles. Like this here cliff!” Marine patted the stone wall. “Imagine this big ol’ cliff has a BEAUT of a treasure behind it!”

“Is there a treasure, Mum?!”

“Oi donno, Sheila. But that’s what we’re here to find out!”

“But Mum, how we gonna move this goiant cliff?”

“He he he. Back in the day, they used to call me ‘Golden-Fist Marine’. Because me punches were so hard, it’s like me knuckles were made o’ gold. Really HARD gold. But the thing is, I combine my lightbending with the strength of my fist, and the kinetic energy created from the light adds extra force and helps BURN through the substances punched!”

“Uuuuuuuhhh?” Sheila’s 5-year-old mind had trouble processing this.

“I don’t understand it either! Lemme jus’ show you, Mate!” And Sheila watched in wonder as her mother faced the cliffside and spun her right arm, faster than the fastest propeller. Her arm spun so fast, you could barely see it, going a thousand miles per hour, with its only indication being the circular light trail from Marine’s fist. Finally, with a powerful charge of momentum, Marine PUNCHED the cliffside and left a gaping crack that stretched miles up above.

“Wwwwoooooowww!” Sheila was astonished.

“Yep! That’s how it’s done.” Marine said as she stretched her fingers, acting like it hardly bruised her at all. Which it didn’t.

“Holy whoazers, Mum! You must be the strongest sheila in the world!”

“Oh, you little bonker! Anyone can make a gaping crack in a cliff! Even you!”

“ME, Mum??”

“Yeah! If you want the treasure that’s behind this cliff.”

“But how can I get it, Mum??”

“Jus’ do what I did! Spin your fist ‘til it’s GOOD for a punch!”

“But Mom, what if I can’t break it??”

“Ya never know unless ya try, Sheila. Now go on and go for it!”

Sheila’s eyes furrowed with determination as she faced the crater in the cliff. The inspired child balled her right fist and spun her arm as fast as she could. It spun faster and faster, her fist glowing with light. Once her fist was good and warm, she ran forward, and threw her powerful punch against the crater.

“Hnnnn-eh! Hnnnn-eh!” Sheila kept jumping and pounding her fist against the solid ice. After several more punches, the raccoon lass was able to leave a small, but noticeable crack.

“Ohh!!” Her friends’ eyes widened.

“Ahhh-ha! Now we’re gettin’ somewhere!” And with one more jump, Sheila spun in the air, and SHOT down like a bullet, piercing the ice perfectly. The kids peeked over the edge and saw Sheila was gone beneath the ice, via the hole she created. And in a few more seconds, she resurfaced, floating in the water. “BONKERS, mates! There really IS water on the moon! To think that all the Moon People use the same stuff WE do! I-” She stopped suddenly, beginning to shiver. “S-S-S-So c-c-c-cold!”

“Oh, Sheila.” They chorused.

Drilovsky Household

Francis and Panini returned home on their S.C.A.M.P.E.R. and stepped off as they approached their front door. They stopped for a moment to look at their uncle’s horse carriage parked on the street. “I’m sure glad we don’t live with them.” Francis said.

“I guess. Whose limo, though?” Panini asked, also noticing a limo behind the carriage.

“Our aunt got tired of the old-times?” The query hung in their minds as they entered the house.

“!” They found their living room table smashed and a slight hole in the wall. They saw the closet door hanging slightly open and went to open it. “Ohhhh…” There lie their father, moaning and covered with bruises.

The kids froze with fear when they felt a presence behind them. “Please excuse the mess.” Nickel Joe said.

Panini jumped to throw flames at him, but he dodged aside and stuck her to the wall using toothpicks. Francis ran at him, but he threw toothpicks at his shoes and made him trip, his feet stuck to the ground now. He pulled the toothpicks loose while Panini burned hers, but- “AHHH!” They were trapped inside an anti-gravity bubble.

“There, that should hold you.” Stewie smirked, wielding the ray gun that created it. “Too bad defeating the father wasn’t this easy, didn’t think we’d have to use Rallo’s music.”

“Yeah, but now’s we got ‘em.” Rallo said. “Do it, Maggs.” The siblings gasped when Maggie aimed a gun at Patton’s head.

“Mw-mw.” She glared.

“Now I’d suggest tellin’ us where the Recommission Module is or we’ll blow ‘is brains out.” Joe grinned.

“YOU!” Panini screamed. “Ay thought takin’ our candy was bad enough, but THIS?! You have NO right!”

“‘Course we don’t, we’re pirates. We don’t play by the rules. And we can kill any shlobo we want. ‘less we…” He glanced to Maggie, who cocked her gun.

“What do you want the module for, anyway?!” Francis demanded.

“Our mom had an unsatisfactory birthday last month, and we wanted ta make up. Only one cake has the potency to do so, and only one man knows it.”

“Wait… you don’t mean-”

“I say, doesn’t this house have ONE serving of stewed rabbit and mince pies?” Rick Strowd complained as he entered the living room.

“For the last time, Rick, they prefer MODERN foods.” Margaret told him.

“Uncle Rick?!” Panini questioned.

“Aunt Margie?!” Francis yelled.

“So the secret’s out.” Joe said simply. “Yeah yeah, we’re tryin’ to squeeze the recipe outta him. ‘fortunately, your meddling mother erased his memory, the dame. Lucky for us she’s out shoppin’ now. I hear she’s pretty tough, so let’s wrap this up quickly. And this time with a double-U.”

“He meant unfortunately back then, too.” Stewie noted.

“So you gonna speak or what?” Joe threatened as Maggie aimed the gun closer.

Panini and Francis exchanged worried glances. “It’s right here.” Everyone looked at the entrance as Fanny Drilovsky herself stood, holding the device in her right palm.

“Ahh, if it isn’t the lady of the house herself. Or should I say ‘man’. Wink-wink. So hand it over, toots.” Joe approached the woman.

He was immediately kicked against the stairs. “You must not know me very well.”

Maggie just decided to shoot Patton, but Fanny already tossed a fireball and melted her gun, then did the same to Stewie’s. Panini and Francis dropped free as the former cheered, “GET ‘EM, MOM!”

“Dang, that’s child abuse.” Rallo said.

“Go cry to your mummy. Huh-!” She was met with rapid punches from behind, making her drop the Module. She turned to see her assaulter was Augustus. She tried to throw another flame, but barely came out.

“Boy, Dad was right: you do need to chill.” He smirked.

“But… that’s impossible. I was-” Fanny was silenced when Stewie froze her in brown, frozen soda, from another ray gun.

“MOM!!” her kids screamed.

Joe grabbed the device and proclaimed, “Much obliged.” The siblings tried to attack him, but ended up strapped to the wall via Stewie’s goo gun.

“How many does that brat have?!” Francis yelled.

“He comes prepared.” Joe said. “Now let’s see if the kickuh works.” He winded the device as it played its ‘Pop Goes the Weasel’ tune, aiming it at Rick. In a flash, the powerful ray fired, and all of Rick’s memories came rushing back. Being at war with his army of fellow KNDs, infiltrating the Annoying Triplets’ mansion, gazing upon their luscious recipe, being unfrozen from the sherbet, sitting in a cell with Fanny, making out with her, and finally his decommissioning.

“I…I remember it now.” Rick spoke, stricken with shock. “I was in Kids Next Door… I got frozen. And… that unRULY girl decomMISSIONED me! Why, the very nerve! This is exactly why I said we shouldn’t let girls in the Kids Next Door! They’ll start doing whatEVER they want, and then-”

“Cut the cockamony and tell us: do ya remember the recipe?” Joe asked.

“Yes, I…I think I DO remember… something about a recipe. I remember… forgetting the recipe… but it was on my chest… and, this man was-”

“Well, we’ll squeeze it outta you in time. You’re comin’ with us. Contain ‘im, Stewie.”

The baby whipped out a shrink ray and shrunk Rick to 2 inches tall, catching him in a jar. “Want somebody kidnapped without struggle? Your family making a difficult move? With Stu Industries new line of shrink rays, your life just got a whole lot easier!” he said to the camera, acting as if in a commercial.

“Hey! You can’t take-” Margie tried to speak, but Stewie froze her in soda.

“Take the Rabbit Ears, too, Augustus.” Joe ordered.

“Certainly!” Without hesitation, Augustus dealt more chi-block punches against Panini before pulling her from the wall, letting Stewie bind her in more goo.

“Nnn! Hey! Let me go!” demanded Panini as she shook.

“What’s your deal?!” Francis yelled, trying desperately to shake free. “You got what you wanted, why you taking her?!”

“My instincts tell you Kids Next Door are going to be a problem.” Nickel Joe grinned slyly as usual. “As Chief Negotiator, I need the right tools. And since Mom has a score with this young lassie anyway, they ain’t no harm with killin’ two birds. But don’t worry, they ain’t no one killin’. That is… ’long as youse guys cooperate.” And the crew took their captives in the limo and drove away.

“No! Come back! PANINIIIII!”

To recap, Stewie, Rallo, and Maggie are from Family Guy, Cleveland Show, and Simpsons respectively. What more deadly babies are there? X3 And Big Mom is from One Piece.

Chapter Text

…I’m not gonna put anything today. Just ‘cause.

KND Moonbase

Chris lightly glided his hand up and down with a flame alit as he warmed Sheila’s body. “Well, you wanted excitement.” He said.

“Ah know what I asked for, Mate. Oi, but tha’ was ripper, though! A big dead rock, then why’s all the water on it??”

“I’m a little surprised at that myself.” Artie replied.

“Whatever, so we discovered water. It’s nothing to celebrate about.” Harry said.

“It IS, Mate! It means there’s so much more than what you perceive of something! Who knows what ELSE is on the moon! There’s probably a whole secret village we don’t know about!”

“The Moonbase’s existed for nearly a thousand years, they would’ve seen something by now.” Chris said as Cheren walked by. “Hey, Bro! You guys seen any secret villages on the moon?”

“Um… no?” Cheren answered confusedly.

“You ruin all the fun, Mate.” Sheila frumped.

“What are you guys… doing?”

“Oh, Sheila wanted to do a little exploring on the moon.” Aurora replied. “It was all right. We found a crater of water.”

“Oh, that.” Cheren knew. “That stuff’s been there forever. It’s not that big a deal.”

“See, exactly what I-” Sheila held a hand to Harry’s face before walking away grumpily. “…Was it something I said?”

“She’s kinda going through something right now.” Aurora informed Cheren.

“Uhhh…huh. Anyway, Panini brought me your mission report. Just letting you know, we’ve put Doflamingo Sr. on the suspects list.”

“I would, too. He’s a Corporate President, isn’t he?” Aurora asked.

“Just like Mom.” Dillon spoke with hate.

“Right. I get the feeling they’re going to be problems later.” Cheren noted.

“Wait, Dillon, YOUR mom is a Corporate President?” Chris asked.

“No, I meant Mom the-”

“SHAAH, we know who you’re talking about!” Chris playfully punched his arm.

“Grrrrr!”

It’s okay, Dillon. I hate ‘em, too! Kirie beamed.

“Hey, is Francis here?” Aurora asked.

“No, he and Panini had to go home; relatives visiting.” Cheren said.

“Ahhh.”

“Actually, just remembered I wanted to ask him for progress regarding that teen.” He saw Larry MayHence walking over and said, “Hey Larry, can you call Francis and ask him-”

“I just received a call from him.” he replied. “He wants you all to come to his house. Panini’s in danger.”

The friends exchanged worried glances.

Drilovsky Household

Cheren and Sector V flew down on their respective ships and hurriedly entered the Drilovsky home. “Francis, what’s-” Almost upon entry, Cheren bumped into a frozen brown ice cube, creating a chain reaction of everyone else bumping each other. “AAAH!!” They shrieked at the sight of Fanny Drilovsky frozen solid, and behind her Margaret Strowd. The group then observed the ruined state of his house.

“This.” Francis stated.

Haylee wiped her finger across the ice and licked the liquid. “It’s… soda.”

“What… happened?” Aurora asked.

“It was Nickel Joe.”

“Who?”

“The mobster guy that’s been taking candy the past few months. He showed up with these 3 babies and kidnapped Uncle Strowd and Panini!”

“What?!” Cheren shouted.

“We might wanna ask her.” Patton said, indicating Margie.

“Aurora, Chris, unfreeze them.” Cheren ordered.

The two nodded as Aurora set fire to Fanny’s ice cube, and Chris burned Margie’s. They turned to steam in seconds, as Fanny absorbed the fire, and Margie- “YOOOOOWWW!”

“Heh heh heh. I’ve been wantin’ to do that for a long time.” Chris chuckled.

Patton grabbed his sister’s ponytail and shoved her to the floor, planting his foot on her back. “You’re in real big trouble now, Sis.”

“Hey, get your boot off me! This dress is dry-clean only!”

He scrapped his muddy boot against it. “What I was hoping for.”

“Okay, okay! Those four guys just showed up outta nowhere and attacked my husband for some recipe! He didn’t know it, and I told ‘em he was decommissioned. Then we came here, and, well.”

“They took the Recommissioning Module and brought Numbuh 19th-Century’s memory back.” Fanny concluded. “They took him AND Panini away.”

“Numbuh 19th-Century? They must want to find the Annoyingly Cute Triplets’ recipe!” Haylee exclaimed.

“But why Panini?!” Cheren demanded.

“Probably because she badmouthed their boss a few months ago.” Francis replied. “Over a phone.”

“Gnnnn.” Cheren fumed and pinched his nasal bridge. “Well, why couldn’t YOU do anything?”

“I could’ve melted them easy.” Fanny proclaimed. “If not for that AUGUSTUS boy! Sneakin’ up and chi-blockin’ me!”

“Wait… Augustus?” Haylee asked.

“You know him?” Cheren asked.

“My dad is friends with his dad. He’s a professional candy hunter.”

“He’s Ace and Henrietta’s son.” Patton summarized.

“Oh, right. Flyboy’s son.” Fanny said smugly.

He’s cool! Kirie signed.

“When I was 3, his family visited us one Christmas, and he sorta got me into candy,” Haylee explained, “telling me about all sorts of rare types. Then he snuck over every occasion to take me on one of his adventures. They were really fun.” She smiled.

“Glad to know I ain’t the only one.” Sheila smirked.

“But one day he just disappeared. His parents called and asked if he was over… we never saw him again.”

“He wasn’t with the Punk Hazard kids.” Dillon recalled.

“Or maybe he was.” Haruka said with remorse. “And he ended up… dying…”

“Uh, no, because we just saw him WORKING for those guys.” Francis reminded.

“Well, we’ll see how the Fizzuras feel about that.” Haylee said.

“The thing is, Ace’s wife went out looking for him the moment he disappeared.” Patton informed. “We have no idea where she is now.”

“Well, it’s time for us to begin searching for them.” Cheren spoke seriously. “Send out all available units and-” It was at that moment a distant, high-pitch whirring sound was heard. The group jumped in surprise when a house across the street was blown up by a cannonball.

Everyone ran outside and gaped in horror: a tremendous pirate ship sailed across the land, squishing countless houses in its path and blasting others with cannons. The ship looked like a gigantic, luscious colorful cake with chocolate icing. It had three sails: the bottom, biggest had a skull symbol with big lips, grinning teeth, and a captain’s hat with a crown. The center, white sail had big black letters which read ‘BIG MOM’. The top sail had a golden crown, which kinda looked like Princess Peach’s. The ship had plenty of large sweets sticking out from the top, including a giant pink cake, and its keel had a white, smiling face, with a big mouth that appeared to be singing. “I am a ship, la la la la, so fun to be a ship, doo doo doo doo. Hello tiny peoples, I am a ship, la la.”

The ship sailed around the town and blasted its cannons nonstop, and screams of agony echoed everywhere. Jawbreaker cannonballs flew at the Drilovsky house, but Fanny hurled fireballs to explode them, and Patton jumped high to punch them away, knocking them at other houses. _“HEY!”

“Sorry!” he apologized.

Sector V got in their C.O.O.L.-B.U.S. and flew after to begin blasting the ship. It launched ice cream cone missiles at them, and the candles on its cake blasted flames up. “All hands, direct fire at the school bus, ahhhhh.” ordered Commander Fat Jack.

The C.O.O.L.-B.U.S. barrel-rolled and evaded fire, putting on its shield to absorb the shots. When it was charged, the team unleashed a shockwave that knocked Fat Jack and the crewmen down.

Patton and Fanny struggled to keep the cannonballs away. Cheren and Francis felt helpless as they watched, not strong enough to do anything their selves. They gasped when a cannonball flew directly at Fanny, blowing her head clean off. “MOM!!” Francis screamed.

But they were stricken with surprise when her head formed right back in green flames. “Ahhhh. What?” she smirked casually.

“!!!!” They couldn’t close their mouths.

The C.O.O.L.-B.U.S. still managed to evade as they took aim at the cake in the front. “Locked and loaded, there pirates are getting a salty surprise.” Haylee announced.

“Not so fast, childrens, ahhhhh.” And with that, Fat Jack leaped high and flew directly at the 4x4 ship. Flipping horizontally (though he still looked round either way), he pressed his butt against Sector V’s windshield and ‘POOOOOT’ blasted enough gas to make their ship lose control and crash on the ground.

“Ahhhh think that’s good enough. Play the message, ahhhhh.”

A group of teddybear soldiers set up a hologram projector. The ship ceased fire as a gigantic screen displayed in the sky, showing Stewie’s image.

“Hello American Idol, I know it’s been a while, um, I haven’t really been in best shape lately, but, you know I still think I got what it takes, and I’m really sexy! See-; Baaaby. Baaaby. Baby, ooooohh yeah!”

One of the teddybears slapped the other, quickly fixing the projector to play the right message. “Nyyyaaaa ha ha haaaa!” laughed a gigantic, shadowed woman with big, grinning teeth. “Is this the Kids Next Door? I hope so, or someone’s gettin’ eaten. You’ve crossed the wrong liiine, zesty brats. You’ve insulted the captain of the renowned Big Mom Pirates. That’s enough to get the FULL taste of my WRAAATH. Luckily for you… I am feeling generous lately. I am having a reprising of my birthday party, with a bigger and better cake. I know of your past endeavors, ruining parties, and I will not tolerate such rude behavior. For that reason… I have captured this BRAT.” She reached aside and grabbed Panini in her hand, trapped in goo.

“Panini!” Cheren yelled.

“If any more of your brats impede my progress… I will delight in this luscious little morsel… as my pre-party snack. Furthermore… I will trace the brats responsible, back to their respective country, and BURY it in my FROSTING. So, State of Virginia… you’ve had only a small taste. Test my patience again… and have the full dish. Aaaaaahhhh…” She loomed Panini closer to her gaping, drooling mouth, and the girl shook frantically in horror.

The screen vanished as the tremendous ship, labeled the Big Ma’am, sailed toward the sea and crossed the briny blue. In its wake was a gaping trail of dirt. There was barely any trace that roads and houses used to be there.

Minutes later…

“Holy CRAP, Mom! YOU’RE a LOGIA?!” Francis exclaimed.

“Are ya really surprised?” she still smirked.

“But how did Augustus chi-block you?!”

“He was usin’ Haki. Guess he was prepared, just like Marcus.”

“…” Francis had no comment.

“Guys, we’re back.” Aurora gasped as Sector V returned. “What’s up?”

“My mom’s a Logia.” Francis said. Immediately, Sector V spit spit out (since they didn’t have drinks).

“What’s ‘up’?!” Cheren asked angrily. “The big freaking SCREEN was up! That gigantic SLOB captured Panini! We have to do somethin’! Send out scouting parties and-”

“No! Didn’t you hear what she said?!” Francis yelled. “She’s going to eat Panini and destroy our city if we get in her way!”

“But that’s not possible!” Aurora replied. “Even if her mouth’s big enough to eat a person, how could she take down a whole country?”

“That ship caused enough damage on its own.” Dillon said, directing back at the gaping trail. “She could do that with any small village. And any city, she’ll just blow down with her cannons.”

“Ugh. Well, whatever the case, we can’t risk Panini’s life by going after them.” Cheren stated. “But we definitely can’t leave them alone, either. If only we had more info on them. And where they’re hiding.”

Aurora looked serious. “I know someone we could ask.”

“Who?” Francis asked.

“The man at Goofy Goober’s. Remember, Francis?”

“Oh yeah. I told you about that.”

“Let’s go and ask him, team.” Cheren decided. “Don’t worry, Mr. and Mrs. Drilovsky, we’ll rescue your daughter. Let’s go!” The gang began their dash downtown.

Sheila stood on the roof of their house and viewed the horizon where the Big Ma’am vanished. “So… those’re the Big Mums, eh? …This is gonna be ripper.”

Goofy Goober’s

“UH HUUH HUUH HUUH! You just can’t get ENOUGH, can you, kids?” asked everyone’s favorite peanut. “Well, don’t worry. The Goober fun NEVER ends! Ohhhh, I’m a Goofy Goober, yeah! You’re a…”

The waiter nicknamed ‘Mac’ was handing bowls of ice cream to children around a table. “Excuse me, Mac-”

“AACK!” He jumped at Francis’s sudden voice, seeing Sector V and Cheren behind him. “Oh, it’s you! I thought you vere those pirates. …And my name is NOT Mac!”

“Forget it, Mac.” Cheren told him. “We need your help. Those pirates kidnapped our friend and their captain’s threatening to eat her. You’re the closest person we know that’s acquainted with them, so if you have any info…”

“Siiiigh. I know who they are… I just fear if they know I tell you…”

“We’ll keep the secret.” Aurora assured. “And if we’re lucky, we can stop them for good.”

“Well… telling a bunch of kids shan’t hurt, anyway. That crew was none other than the Big Mom Pirates. The Big Mom Pirates are a dangerous pirate crew that’ve terrorized the seas for over 40 years. Captained by the most ravenous Candy Pirate ever to pop a gumball: Charlotte Linlin. Big Mom. But for most of her time, she was preoccupied with Davy Jones; who was said to be her only real rival. But after Jones disappeared a little over 20 years ago, she started to build up her forces, and established dominion over several countries in demand for candy. You see, Big Mom is very crazy for candy and sweets. Some believe, her entire life, she’s eaten nothing but sweets. And this has caused her blood-sugar levels to develop to a point where her entire DNA is nothing but sugary sweets. Either vay, Big Mom is a very dangerous person. There’s a rumor that she vonce burned down an entire country because they missed their due date. That’s vhy candy suppliers all around the world are afraid of her. It’s also why they labeled her as vone of the Four Pirate Emperors.”

“Four Pirate Emperors?” Aurora questioned.

“Ze Four Emperors are four notorious pirates of extreme power and dominion. Most of them have control over expansive territories… and Big Mom is included. But she never leaves her crew’s home island. She always sends her crewmen to make all the bargains and burglaries.”

“You mean like that nickel guy?”

“Yes… he is Nickel Joe. He looks like another sly loan shark… but those nickels he flicks aren’t just for show. He flicks coins with just the right force and precision to turn his money into deadly weapons.”

The kids pictured the day at the candy store, when Nickel Joe flicked his nickel into a shelf and exploded it.

“But he isn’t the only one. There is also a man called Fat Jack, who is believed to take after Big Mom. He is so stuffed with sugary sweets, his fat makes him impenetrable. And a force to be reckoned with.”

The kids recalled Sector W7’s encounter with the chubby pirate, who jumped high in the air and landed with a powerful shockwave.

“But who were those three babies that were with Joe?” Francis asked.

“Ahhh those three. They vere the Deadly Baby Trio. Their names are Stewie Griffin, Rallo Tubbs, and Maggie Simpson. Three intelligent babies who specialize in their own skill. But each are deadly nonetheless.”

“Even that one with the binky?” Haruka asked. (Francis described them beforehand.) “She doesn’t seem too bad.”

“Do not underestimate. Maggie is the deadliest of the group. She is the crew’s top assassin. Assigned to shoot down anyone who doesn’t comply with Big Mom’s demands. You never see it coming… things are going so smoothly, and the next thing you know, your life is finished. A couple of years ago, she was believed to have murdered a businessman named Mr. Burns, who had an according with the pirates.”

“Listen, Charlie, I understand bein’ a businessman means bein’ deceitful, but I think it’ll be in your best interest to hand us a few of them nuclear whatchacallits.” Nickel Joe persuaded to the baldheaded, evil man.

“Sorry.” Mr. Burns smirked. “But the only waste I’ll be willing to lend is my own. That is, if my hounds don’t make waste out of YOU first. Release the hounds!”

Angry barking was heard as a pack of vicious dogs came charging around the mansion. Mr. Burns shut his door, but Nickel Joe kept his grin as he swiftly swung his foot, and KICKED the dogs away. “Hnnnnnn.” He then spared a sly glance to Burns’ door.

That night, when Mr. Burns was getting ready for bed, he didn’t notice the small child glaring at him from his ceiling vent. When Burns was brushing his teeth, the baby took aim at his bald scalp with her gun. Mr. Burns barely had time to react when the gun fired, and the bullet pierced his scalp.

“…Gulp!” Haylee felt terrified just thinking about it.

“But while her primary skill is sniping, Rallo is a musicbender, and Stewie is the lead scientist. But recently, I heard the crew acquired another member: another notorious pirate known as Black John Licorice, who now works as her vice-captain.”

“Black John… I remember him!” Haylee recalled. “He used to have that licorice curse, but he was cured after helping our parents defeat Davy Jones.”

“And then he set off to find Candied Island.” Harry finished. “No doubt the events are linked.”

“Yes… Big Mom makes her hideout in the luscious paradise known as Candied Island.” Mac confirmed. “I’ve always thought it was legend… until now.”

“It’s always been my mom’s dream to find the Candied Island.” Haylee remembered. “Hers and Henrietta’s. But I guess Henrietta might find it first, if she’s looking for her son.”

“Then we have to find it, too.” Haruka knew. “If we’re going to save Panini.”

“But how?” Cheren asked. “Big Mom will kill her when she finds out we’re looking for her. And who knows how many forces she has out at sea. The Kids Next Door has a dilemma.”

“So then we can’t BE the Kids Next Door.” They all looked at Sheila as she stood on a nearby table, and the kids sitting there looked with confusion. She stood proud and confidently as she spoke. “Don’tcha see, mates? These aren’t the same li’l ne’er-do-gooders we’re used to: these’re PIRATES. CANDY Pirates no less.”

“But we’ve FACED pirates and Candy Pirates before.” Mason reminded.

“Yeh yeh, but this is different! Those blokes called a parley when they sent that message. And since it was directed at us, that means WE’RE pirates!”

“That’s not how a parley works!” Dillon yelled.

“Doesn’t matter, mates! The point is, if we’re going to beat pirates, we have to BECOME pirates! If the Kids Next Door isn’t allowed to do anything, we’ve no choice but to disband. As of today… Sector V is no longer Sector V, but its OWN pirate crew. We will sail the briny blue, and stop the Big Moms in their track. Ah’ll have my mom build us a ship, and I’M gonna be captain!”

“Wait wait wait! You can’t be captain ‘cause AURORA’S the leader. So SHE’S captain.” Chris informed.

“I don’t know, Chris. I think Sheila’s right.” Aurora replied.

“But… Really?”

“Well, yeah. I mean, technically the Kids Next Door can’t attack them ‘cause Big Mom will hurt Panini. But it would be a different case if someone OTHER than Kids Next Door went after them. If we posed as actual pirates or sailors with no affiliation with the organization, we could fight the Big Mom Pirates in ordinary pirate squabbles and not endanger Panini.”

“Hmmm… that just sounds too risky. What if they threaten to hurt her, anyway?” Cheren asked.

“Actually, she might not.” Harry replied. “When you think about it, she probably went to all this trouble because she knows the Kids Next Door proves a threat. If she killed Panini, she’d have nothing to stop us from attacking her. Maybe we should go with Sheila’s plan. Sector V’s never had any direct encounters with the Big Mom Pirates, and I doubt that fat guy saw us in our C.O.O.L.-B.U.S.. We could probably get away with being pirates.”

“Yeah… we just might. But what are the pirates searching, exactly?” Aurora asked.

“I have a prediction.” Haylee spoke up. “Our mom told us a story of Eight Sugary Wonders, eight legendary, amazing candies with unreal powers and tastes. It’s any candy-lover’s dream to taste, or even look at one.”

“You don’t think those Sugary Wonders make up the recipe for the Annoying Triplets’ cake, do you?” Haruka asked.

“In the old days, the Kids Next Door’s primary goals were taking that cake whenever it was made.” Cheren remembered. “The same was with Father’s cake, even if it was a phony recreation.”

“Then we HAVE to find them first.” declared Aurora. “We’ll sail the seas and take the Sugary Wonders before the pirates. …And Sheila will be our captain.” The raccoon’s eyes widened. “As our Expedition Expert, she was trained for this very situation, in guiding our team through new and unexplored territories. But her duty comes so big this time, she has to be leader. So, Captain,” she saluted, “we’re in your command.”

Sheila’s eye twitched. She had no words. In a flash, her very dream was coming true. Their mission was now… an adventure. “………” She trembled with pure excitement and- “WOOHOOOOO!” leaped high in the air. She landed on her feet, shaking the ice cream on the table, before jumping off. “Orright, cobbers! Enjoy your last days with your parents and mates, ‘cause first thing tomorrow, the Raccoon Pirates set sail for their grand adventure!”

“But can your mom even build a ship by then?” Haylee asked. “I mean, we can’t use 4x4-technology anymore, so-”

“‘Course she c’n build’un! Mah mom was a professional shipwright back in the day, and still is! Ah’ll jus’ fly down to her and get ‘er started! But make sure you blokes stock up on any other non-KND supplies. And Haylee, ask your mom ‘bout these Sugary Wonders, and maybe other candies. We may need it.” She winked.

“You got it!”

“Hmm… well, if you’re really sure about this.” Cheren figured, still worried. “But I can’t come. I’m still Supreme Leader, I don’t have time to be a pirate.”

“And I still need to lead the decommissioners.” Francis said.

“Ahh, we don’t need you blokes, anyway.” Sheila waved off. “Future Raccoon Pirates: PREPARE!”

“YEEEEAAAH!” The team scurried off.

“Boy, what was that about?” one of the boys at the table asked.

“I dunno… but I wanna be a pirate too, now.” another said.

The next day…

Morning soon came, and everyone was gearing up for their big adventure. At the Dimalanta home, Mason stashed a bunch of Purple Flurps and sodas in a cooler, while Haruka took a bunch of medical supplies, and both got in their parents’ car as their mother drove.

“Awww my little boy’s becoming a pirate.” Yin said tearily, driving the vehicle. “They grow up so fast!”

“The ocean has a lot of water.” Matthew mentioned. “You sure you’re ready, Mason?”

“‘Course I am! I’ve become a much better swimmer! We’ll be fine, right Haruka?”

“Hm hm!” she smiled. “Mmmmm…” She frowned and glanced away. She hasn’t told him, yet…

Gilligan House

Harry took headphones and music devices, Artie took non-4x4 tech equipment, and Haylee brought wrenches and carpentry tools as their parents drove them to the airport. “You can’t use any 4x4-tech?” Hoagie asked. “Dang, that’s like living with the Amish.”

“Well, I can use OTHER stuff.” Artie replied. “But relax, I’m sure I can survive.”

“Heh heh, just don’t be a screw-up like I was on MY sea adventure, Artie.”

“Oh, don’t say that, Hoagie.” Abby told him. “Still, to think Heinie’s kid would hang out with criminals.”

“He takes after his mom. You might say he’s Tart TATER! Ahh ha HAA haaa!”

“Awwwww, maaan!” Abby face-palmed.

Uno House

Chris and Aurora packed food before hopping in the car, driven by their dad while their mom, Cheren, and the Drilovskys saw them off. “I’ll hate to disconnect you from the network, but if it’s for the best.” Cheren told them. “Good luck, you two.”

“I wish I could come, too though. You promise to bring Panini back, right?” Francis asked.

“Of course, Francis.” Aurora smiled. “I promise.”

“Great, so let’s drop you off so I don’t have to go sailing!” Nigel declared.

“Oh, Nigie.” Rachel shook before he drove off.

“…Hey, Dad?” Aurora began as they drove. “Why’s Ms. Drilovsky a Logia, but you aren’t?”

“Siiiigh. I don’t want to talk about it.” He said in agony.

Beatles House

Kirie only packed her fans before her parents began driving her off, with her brother Joey seated next to her. “Ahhh, that’s my little girl, takin’ on the briny blue.” Wally said proudly. “Tough just like her father.”

“I wanna go on a sea adventure, TOO!” Joey whined.

“Joey, you’re not old enough.” Kuki said. “Now sweetie, make sure not to get seasick like your father, and don’t get eaten by sea demons.”

I won’t, Mommy! I promise!

York House

Nolan, Danika, and Dillon rode in Nolan’s Sandmobile, whipping at high speeds across the country. “This is a once in a lifetime ride, son.” Nolan chuckled. “‘Course, since you came back from space in one piece, I have nothing to fear.”

“You gonna be alright without Vanellope?” Danika asked.

“Yeah… I can manage.” Dillon said sadly.

Cleveland Airport

All the families arrived at the airport and saw their kids off as they boarded Hoagie’s plane. Yin smooched her son on the forehead, much to his embarrassment, and they watched from the window as the plane took off beyond the sky.

Hoagie and Ace were the plane’s pilots, as the latter bore a serious look. “So I guess our kids found your son.” Hoagie spoke. “You think Henrietta knows?”

“I don’t know… all I can say is, I miss her. I hope this means I can see her again, soon. And Augustus, too…”

“You can count on our kids for that. If they can defeat a god of space… there’s no limit.”

“A god of time?”

“Heh heh heh, don’t jinx it.”

Azultown

Sheila Frantic kicked open her home’s front door, a look of poise on her face and a pack strapped tight to her back. Just as before and always, she wore a thin green T-shirt, pitch-black shorts, and green sandals. This was her day to shine under the sun, as Captain of the Raccoon Pirates. She marched toward the shipyard with confidence as her father watched her. Elijah Frantic viewed the briny sea and whiffed the salty air, a light, cool breeze blowing across the land. The man lighted a cigarette, inhaled, and blew, watching the smoke blow toward the horizon.

Shipyard

The friends all met up at the shipyard with Sheila in front as they viewed the working craftsmen. “Boy, these guys have the good life.” Haylee said admirably. “Hammerin’ wood, sawin’ wood, sticking wood… the life.”

“Hard to believe Sheila lives all the way in South America, but she’s still in Sector Virginia.” Aurora mentioned. “She lives farther than Dillon.”

“‘Tis must be fate.” Mason remarked.

“So where’s your mom, anyway?” Harry asked Sheila. “Ah wanna see this ship.”

“Keep your knockers, mates. It’s just past this pile.”

The kids approached a pile where a slim man was digging for something with his back turned. Sheila was about to touch him, when- “COO, CACHOOOO!” They jumped back in surprise when a pigeon wearing a red tie flew down, squawking wildly. “Coo, cachoo! Bratty kids off the hindquarters, brack! Bratty kids, hindquarters!”

The man stood up and faced them, a long hammer over his left shoulder, while the bird sat on his right. His expression was grim and serious, a small black beard on his chin. He wore a white sleeveless shirt, black pants and shoes, and a long black top-hat. But what was most scary about him were his sharp green eyes.

“Bonkers, Lucci, what is-” Marine walked over, and looked with surprise at seeing the children. “Well, I see the crew’s already here! You’re just in time, the ship’s all done!”

“Whoooaa! What a cool pigeon!” Haylee admired.

“Coo coo, no compliments are necessary. My name’s Rob Luc-… I mean, I’m Hattori, THIS is Rob Lucci.” He directed to the man he was sitting on.

“Bonkers, mum!” Sheila said with wonder. “‘ow does he do that??”

“Ahhh, Lucci’s a mute.” Marine explained. “So we’ve trained the pigeon to talk for ‘im. Much more impressive than a parrot, aye? But for that reason, we call him ‘Lucci the Lion’. Based on the expression, ‘Cat got your tongue’, eh? Hehehe.”

Do you know sign-language, Mister Lucci? Kirie asked.

“Wind in the sails, wind in the sails! Coo cachooo!”

What??

That means yes. Lucci signed.

Ohhhhh! she beamed.

“Enough yabberin’, mates!” Marine announced. “Lessee the ship!”

She and Lucci led them to a giant curtain covering some mass. “Junior Raccoon Pirates: we present to you: SUNNY DAY!” Marine threw off the curtain, and Sector V gaped: it was a beautiful ship with auburn wood making its body, and golden edges and railings on top, with a golden deck (well, it was all wood, but still). Its three masts were gold as well, with pure white sails waiting to be unfurled. The central mass had a black flag with a Jolly Roger, resembling a skull with a captain’s hat and raccoon hair and features, and the keel had a smiling raccoon’s head. The label Sunny Day was written across the back in golden letters.

“Coooool!” Mason gaped.

“I’ve never seen wood this pure before.” Haylee said, rubbing the boat’s side with admiration.

“Whoaly, Mom. You sure saved your best wood for us, huh?” Sheila said.

“Well, not quite. I just got this wood yesterday! Good thing the little yanker paid for it, eh?”

“Yanker? Who?” Mason asked.

“HIIIII, Masoooon!”

The boy flinched and froze with embarrassment. “CAROL?!”

“Hiya, Maseyfairy! Long time, no see!” exclaimed Carol Masterson as she danced over. “Even though we just talked yesterday. The minute you told me about this adventure, I just HAD to get involved somehow!”

“Mason, who’s this girl?” Aurora asked.

“You mean you don’t know? I’m Mason’s girlfriend!”

“Wh-What?!” Mason blushed as his friends began to snicker.

“Come on, Mason, don’t tell me you never told them about me.” Carol cooed as she pinched Mason’s cheek. “I’m the one who took care of him when he was tiny! He was SO grateful, he never wanted to leave my sight! Remember that, Maseyfairy?”

“Hah, Maseyfairy?” Chris laughed.

Mason’s face turned more red. “This is exactly why I didn’t wanna tell them…”

“Well-p, they know now, so too bad.”

“How did you even get DOWN here that fast with Marine’s supplies?”

“I told you: my mom gets me ANYthing I ask for. Time and distance don’t matter! So she called for the rarest materials to be shipped to Azultown’s shipyard, and ordered a private plane to bring me here, too. For the simple reason, I have come to an ultimate decision:” she stood upon a rock, and announced with sureness, “I’m going to join your team!”

“WHAT??” They all gasped.

“Mason told me how you lost a teammate earlier, and I wanted to fill the void. So I decided to become a Kids Next Door as the NEWEST member of Sector V!” Hearing this, Dillon spared a slight glare.

“But Carol, we’re not even Kids Next Door at the moment.” Aurora informed. “We’re pirates.”

“Alright, then! I’ll just join the Kids Next Door afterwards! I’m sure you’ll think of me as a GREAT addition!”

“Hmmm… well, it’s a little out of the blue.” Artie spoke thoughtfully. “I’ll have to schedule an interview.”

“Great, we can do it while we’re sailing! So let’s SHIP off!” She was already climbing on the vessel.

“Carol, wait, I-… awwww.” Artie moaned.

“Guess she’s coming with us.” Mason smiled disbelieved.

“You okay with that, Maseyfairy?” Chris asked.

“I guess so. We’ll see what she’s got.”

“WOOHOO, the more the merrier! Let’s GO, you lot!” Sheila commanded, jumping on the ship.

The others climbed on and quickly unfurled the pure white sails, and Marine and Lucci helped shove the ship onto the sea and watched them sail off. “Orright, crew, let’s get this bizzo down!” began Sheila as her crew lined up before her. “Aurora: you’re the Vice-Captain!” She nodded. “Chris: you’re the chef!” So did he. “Mason’s the supplier, Haruka’s the doctor, Harry’s the singer, Artie’s the scientist, Haylee’s the shipwright, Kirie’s the tactician, and Dillon’s the spy! Oh, and Carol can be our treasurer. Hehe. And I AM your captain: Captain Sun-Fist Sheila Frantic!” She leapt onto the keel and sat with her legs over either side, like a horse. “Under my command, we’ll find the Candied Island and taste the greatest treasures in the world! Adventures never end. Let’s GOOOO!” They rode off over the horizon, letting the wind point the way.

“Ahhhh… my little girl’s becomin’ a wanted sheila, too. Eh, Lucci?” Marine nudged her partner.

From atop a downtown building, the Man With the Red Eye watched the ship shrink in the distance, smiling with his cape blowing in the wind.

…Still won’t say anything. Later!

Chapter Text

Okay, welcome back… still silent treatment.

Sunny Day

It’s been two hours since the Raccoon Pirates set sail, and Azultown’s shore was far out of sight. There were hardly any clouds, and the sea was bright and sunny. Sheila, still seated on the keel, inhaled a big whiff of salty air through her nose, and sighed. “Ahhhhh. Isn’t this way better than that dusty ol’ treehouse, mates? For the first time since we started going on missions, I feel free.”

“Mmmm… The sea does feel nice, though.” Aurora sighed, resting her head on the railing. “And the sun’s so… warm. I’ve been doing missions and reports my whole life, I forgot what it means to relax.”

“Mm-hm.” Haylee agreed. “Hey, wait a minute, shouldn’t we have a navigator?”

“Kirie’s the navigatuh.” Sheila answered. “Same as being a tactician.” Haylee looked over and saw Kirie drawing a kiddy picture of their ship sailing on the sea.

“Um… I think I should be the navigator AND carpenter. As a pilot, I have better sense at direction.”

“All right, whatevuh.”

Artie and Carol sat across from each other at a curtained table as the former spoke with his hat slanted over his eyes. “So, you want to join Sector V, do you. But Sector V asks, what have you got to bring? I mean, can you do anything?”

“Of course!” Carol spoke proudly. The rich girl was also holding a light-green parasol above her head to shield the sun. “I have a fighting style called Cash Combat.”

“Cash Combat?”

“Exactly. No one can resist the power of cash, so I use that to my advantage! Watch.” She walked to the railing, pulled out a bundle of dollars, and yelled, “Look! Money!” She tossed the bundle into the ocean, and Artie greedily jumped after it, then a giant fish popped up and ate them both. It landed back in the water and stuck its head above the surface before spitting Artie out, then submerging. “See?”

“Well, it’s good distraction.” Mason observed. “But still feels like a waste of money.”

“You know Carol, as the treasurer, you’re gonna have to keep track how much you use in battle.” Aurora informed.

“Relax, I will. By the time this adventure’s done, you’ll be so adjusted to me and you won’t even remember Whatsherface!”

“Hmph.” Dillon walked away.

“Hmm, huffy.” Carol glared.

“Well, at any rate,” Chris said, standing up. “Hey Captain, mind if I go for a swim?”

“You’d be a wingnut if ya didn’t, mate.” Sheila said.

“Terrific.” Chris approached the cabin and said to Haruka, “Wanna join me, Haru? You look pretty bored.”

“Um, no thanks, I… forgot to pack my suit.”

“That’s okay, I packed it!” Mason beamed.

“YOU TOUCHED MY STUFF?!”

“Well, I’M the SUPPLIER!”

“Uuugh! Well, NOW I don’t ‘cause I’m afraid of getting BOY germs.”

“You and Mase share the same room, what’re you afraid of?” Chris asked.

“I don’t like salt in my hair, either.”

“Please, don’t ALL bodies of water have some manner of filth?” Artie asked.

“Well, I…I JUST DON’T WANNA SWIM, OKAY?!”

“Sheesh, coulda just said so.” Chris said, continuing inside.

I’ll join you, Chris! Kirie signed, following.

“Speaking of navigation, where’re we going, anyway?” Aurora asked.

“Wherever the wind takes us, Mate.” Sheila said, still facing directly ahead from the keel.

“Heh heh… Well, we have to find the Sugary Wonders eventually, right? We should start finding hints about them ASAP.”

“Actually, the wind IS going in the right direction.” Haylee replied, studying a world map. “We’re sailing directly east from Azultown, Brazil, and on a direct course to the Sugar Deserts of Africa. That’s where my mom said rested the Blurpleberry Supreme. It’s the first Sugary Wonder she knows off hand.”

“Ahhhh, Blurpleberry Supreme.” Artie sighed. “A classic tale indeed.”

“I much prefer cherry.” Chris said, coming out in blue swimtrunks.

“Our mom said that she brought the candy back to Two-Tons’ tomb after Numbuh 1 didn’t want it.” Haylee continued. “And she locked it in a much deeper chamber to keep it safe from thieves.”

“So I can assume it won’t be easy for US to try and get it?”

“Nah, it probably won’t be so bad!” Haylee said surely.

Big Ma’am

Stewie dumped the tiny Rick out of the jar and restored him to normal size. “I say, young man, do your PARENTS know you’re shrinking people?!” Rick scolded.

“Yes, my folks know EVERYTHING that’s goin’ on in my life.” Stewie said with sarcasm.

“Please, forgive us for the roughhousin’.” said Nickel Joe slyly, flipping the coin he’s named after. “We can’t help enjoyin’ it. Now Rickie, what is it you know about this here recipe?”

“I’m sorry, but I haven’t the faintest clue what the recipe is. I’ve only laid eyes on it for a brief moment, then I never saw it again.”

“Then WE up chocolate creek without a marshmallow.” Rallo said.

“Ahhhh’s okay, Rick.” Joe assured. “We was afraid of such, but we’s got another method. Lala?” He stepped aside as a brown-haired, early 20s girl, with a pink dress and red eyes, approached them. Her right eye was open, along with a third eye on her forehead, while her left eye was closed.

“Eeeuuh!” Rick flinched in disgust at her third eye.

“Lala here ate the Eye-Eye Fruit. It gives her a third eye, which only opens inside peoples’ minds. She can share it with other people to see into their own mind and look at parts of their memory. Even parts they can’t remember, but that comes with a limit: depending how cloudy the person’s memory is, it could be cloudy to look back on it. So seeing it while you were decommissioned was impossible, but now we got a better shot.”

“Only opens when… but her third eye is already open!”

“No, her third eye is her left eye. She was already born with that forehead eye.”

“YUUCK!!”

“Show him up close, Lala.” The girl approached Rick, grabbed his shoulder, and pulled him close to press her closed, left eye to his right. They both saw a foggy memory of Rick infiltrating the Triplets’ mansion, and viewing the recipe with his own eyes, for 1 brief second before he stashed it in his shirt. For that brief second, Lala scanned the blurry recipe.

“It’s hard to make out.” She said. “But I can see part of it. One of the ingredients is… the Blurpleberry Supreme.”

“Ahhhh, that’s just dandy.” Joe grinned. “Augustus suspected such, that’s why we have Fat Jack already on it. I think he’s paired up with a couple thugs in the area to search the temple. Just keep tryin’ to uncloud the fog, and we’ll be after ‘em faster than red vanishes from a candycane. We got a whole fleet of candy-crazers, so that’s a lot-a lickin’.”

Sunny Day

The Raccoon Pirates sailed for three more hours. Sheila lied back on her keel and relaxed in the warmth of the sun. Harry lied on a pool chair, seemingly asleep while music played in his earbuds, and Chris and Kirie were swimming in the ocean, while staying with the ship. Chris still had blue swimshorts while Kirie wore a green one-piece. They swam underwater and viewed the landscape under the sea. So many fishes, sea anemones, and coral… they couldn’t believe how much activity went on beneath their noses.

Kirie looked far to their left and spotted a dolphin in the distance. She tapped Chris’s shoulder and pointed, Look, Chris, a dolphin! Sign-language came in most handy underwater.

The Uno looked over and spotted the creature. Let’s go see it! exclaimed Kirie, swimming ahead. Chris shrugged and swam with her. Before they knew it, they were swimming relatively far. The dolphin looked pretty normal from back there… but when they drew close..

Everyone else on Sunny Day was still relaxing peacefully. Just then, an enormous splash was heard in the distance, and a shadow fell over them when- “Whooooaaaa!” Chris and Kirie came soaring over on the head of a tremendous, white dolphin. They all (except Harry, still asleep) gaped with the utmost surprise, watching the dolphin soar directly over before splashing back in the sea. The dolphin shot back up, flung his riders above, and- “WAAAAHHH!” sent the two flying away with his tail.

“Mmmmm… hm?” Harry woke up finally, removing his earbuds.

The two were thankfully thrown ahead of the ship’s direction, splashing in the water just a few miles from a shore. They floated calmly before the Sunny Day came to let them climb up. “You okay?” Haruka asked.

“Yeah.” Chris said. “Dunno what THAT dolphin’s been eating.”

“At least he pointed us in the right direction.” Haylee said. “Look.” She indicated the nearby shore, and the vast desert beyond it.

Chris and Kirie dressed in their normal clothes as the Sunny Day parked, and the adventurers stepped off on the sandy shore. “Here it is… the Sugar Deserts.” Haylee declared. The sands were filled with giant candycanes, lollipops, and chocolate bars, and hints of sugar could already be felt within the sandy winds.

Carol looked over and noticed the group of ships parked further down the shore. “Hey, look! The Big Mom Pirates are here!” She noticed the Jolly Roger.

“They must’ve known, too.” Aurora figured. “Or Augustus, from his mom.”

“Heh heh. Then our time has come, cobbers.” Sheila smirked and fist-palmed. “So begins our lifelong rivalry with our enemy crew. Let’s cross this desert and BEAT the jelly outta these pirates! Let’s go!” (Play “Angry Aztec” from Donkey Kong 64.)

Stage 4: Sugar Deserts

Mission: Retrieve the Blurpleberry Supreme before the Big Mom Pirates.

Act 1

Sheila crossed a straight path between sand dunes as Pokeys emerged from the ground, but Sheila threw Light Spheres at their parts as she bypassed the creatures. She trekked up a hill and overlooked a wider valley from the top, hurrying down along a hill of Buzzy Beetles. The Buzzy Beetles tried to spin at her, but she kicked one like a soccerball and caused it to bounce around against all the others, clearing a path down the hill.

Sheila reached the open valley, which was mostly made up of quicksand and little islands. Sheila could easily float to the first island with her helicopter tail, then jumped across two Pokeys to reach the next island. The next one was too far off, but a Pokey emerged on this current one. There was a dehydrated Hydroplant on the platform, which Sheila was able to water with a Purple Flurp. The plant became bouncy and allowed Sheila to bounce up the Pokey’s height, allowing the raccoon girl to throw a punch at the Pokey’s head towards the next platform. His severed parts flew off and landed in the quicksand, creating a row of bouncy platforms for Sheila to make it across.

At the end of the bouncy platforms, a ladder was available for Sheila to climb onto the foothold. The next foothold was right next to this one, but it was much too tall. However, the platform had a small, weathered stem, so Sheila spun her fist and punched a charged Light Sphere, breaking the stem and causing the whole pillar to fall toward the next island. Sheila ran across this structure, avoiding the Sand Pythons that were on it, and reached the next platform, and from there, was able to jump to the next path across the desert.

She reached a chasm area encased within huge sand dunes, where giant jawbreakers were pushed up from below by sand geysers. Sheila proceeded to jump across the giant balls, which were hard to keep balance on since they spun so much. The jawbreakers fell down fast, so Sheila had to quickly jump the next one when it came, eventually reaching a new path. She continued across another road of giant lollipops and candycanes.

The group reached a wide pool of quicksand. Giant breathmints flowed down from a sandy river on their left, which sank beneath the sand. “Eeeeyuck. Those mints always did have dry taste.” Haylee said.

“Yeh, but they ‘elp us a-” Sheila flinched, realizing, “Hey, where did you blokes come from??”

“We’re honestly just going around these dangerous segments.” Aurora said. “Plenty of open desert, after all.”

“Well, screw you blokes! I’m taking the fun way across!”

Sheila began jumping the floating breathmints, jumping her way to the small sandfall that led up the river. She jumped up the breathmints when they flowed down the fall, and reached the river, but saw that the mints didn’t flow down all the way; they only came above the surface near the sandfall. Sheila jumped to the safe path on the right of the river, where some Leevers came above the ground. They ordinarily weren’t that menacing, but a Sombrero Guy – a Shy Guy with a sombrero and guitar, was playing his instrument on a platform in the sand river. His music reached the Leevers’ ears(?), making them stronger. The creatures spiraled faster than ever and rammed Sheila from all directions, barely giving her time to punch back.

She jumped and hovered in the air while trying to float over the Leevers, making it to the thin, narrow arch bridge that went across the river, to the parallel path. There, a huge Sand Python emerged from the ground and gnashed its fangs at Sheila, who jumped back. The raccoon girl tried to throw Light Spheres, but the monster easily evaded. The python was able to grab Sheila by the shirt in its fangs, but before it had a chance to eat, “Look! Money!” Carol raised a bundle of dollar bills, and the snake’s eyes became dollar signs, dropping Sheila as he panted. She tossed the money into the Sombrero Guy’s sombrero, and as the Shy Guy looked confused, he screamed when the python dove down to snack on him.

With that, Sheila was able to get past, grabbing hold of a vine wall and climbing around the river. She got to a foothold leading to an enclosed area, where a sand geyser was pushing another giant jawbreaker up across a short chasm. Sheila jumped and floated to it, but she wasn’t able to land on the giant ball. However, another jawbreaker was pushed up from behind her, and as the two were pushed higher, Sheila had to Wall Jump between them. She managed to stay between them as she made it to the top of the gorge, where the vast desert lay in her wake.

There were little obstacles in their path, just a simple, clear journey across the desert. The 11 kids continued their journey to the temple. (Pause song.)

The kids stopped, hearing the cartoon sound-effect of something falling. “What’s that?” Haru asked.

At that instant, Fat Jack descended from the heavens and crashed on the ground several feet away. “Aaaahh, not so fast, aaaaahh.”

“It’s Fat Jack!” Haruka recognized.

“Who are you kids, ahhhhh. You’re not Kids Next Door, are you?”

“We ain’t Kids Next Door! We’re the Raccoon Pirates!” Sheila declared.

“Raccoons, ahhhhh. But you look like little munchkins.”

“Hey, you can’t be the only pirates on this sea.” Aurora stated. “We happen to like candy treasures, too.”

“Candy treasures, ahhhhh. I can’t let you have these ones. You’re not going any farther, ahhhhh. I’m gonna bury you in the eternal sands.” The kids watched as Fat Jack leapt high, high, as high as the clouds.

“Whooooaa! Look how high he’s going.” Sheila stared with wonder.

“He’s probably out of the atmosphere!” Haylee stared.

“I think he’s coming back.” Haruka noticed.

As fast as Fat Jack flew up, he was coming down at equal speed. His chubby body remained perfectly still, and his expression unchanged as the winds brushed by. The overweight pirate shot down like a meteor and SHOOK the ground with tremendous force. The shockwave was so powerful that it created a humongous, sandstorm-sized wave.

“Yo-kay, staring time over.” Aurora said. “RUUUUN!” (Play “Dragon Chef’s Belly” from Rayman Origins.)

The kids dashed as fast as they could, jumping small cactuses that lay in their wake, while sliding and ducking under the gaps of huge rocks. Pokeys popped up from ahead, but Sheila threw Light Spheres and punched them out of the way. A set of rock platforms, each higher than the last, were ahead, so they had to carefully jump them to get across and keep running. They had to do the same thing again, but there were cacti between the platforms, making them have to jump more carefully. Unfortunately, Artie stepped on a cactus and winced, his eyes widened as the sandstorm claimed him.

Their eyes widened with shock, but they faced forward and kept running. There were obstructions coming up that were unjumpable, so they had to sidestep left and right to avoid them. These were followed by tall bone piles, which Sheila was able to break using her Light Fists. Finally, there was a chasm with several platforms, evenly spaced, with a Spring Shroom on each of them, and a Spring Shroom at the edge of the cliff. The kids simply hopped on the first shroom and let the rest bounce them across, making it to the route on the other side. They stopped and turned back as the sandstorm blew into the chasm. (Resume “Angry Aztec” theme.)

“Eee-ee-ee-ee-ee!” Artie frantically climbed out of the sand and bounced across the Spring Shrooms, plopping beside his friends. “I felt like a cricket in a snowstorm!”

Carol helped the boy up and bashed the back of his head, forcing out the sand from his mouth. “Thanks.”

The journey across the barren desert went without trouble after that. Mason, Chris, and some others were sweating from the heat while Sheila continued to lead from the front, showing no signs of exhaust with her adventurous spirit. Only Aurora, Harry, and Kirie didn’t seem bothered from the heat, and Carol had an umbrella to shield her. “Why couldn’t we fly on the C.O.O.L.-B.U.S. again?” Artie asked.

“Because that’s not the adventurous spirit, Mate.” Sheila stated. “When it comes to thinkin’ like pirates, it’s about sailing to exotic lands, and walkin’ across miles of dirt, grass, or whatever particular landscape exists on that region.”

“Besides, if the ‘Kids Next Door’ are out trying to stop them, they’ll kill Panini and burn Virginia.” Aurora reminded. “This is the best loophole we can come up with. But we’re not even sure if it’s gonna work.”

“At least it won’t attract much attention.” Harry said. “Sometimes, slow and steady works, ‘stead of those fancy ships.”

“Those are our fancy ships.” Artie glared.

The kids made it to the bazaar where Arabian men were making bargains with candy merchants. “I can’t believe adults are this into candy.” Mason said.

“Why not?” Haylee questioned. “Candy is awesome! And there’s so many exotic kinds!”

“THAT’S the adventurer’s spirit, Mate.” Sheila said approvingly.

They walked up to two men beside a candy-made tank, in which one man was apparently trying to sell it. “Look, you can’t get a better deal, jawbreaker cannonballs can break walls of iron, breathmint wheels drive over any surface, and all the licorice to last you for miles.”

“Hmmmm… I will trade you two Wonka Deluxes and triple-chocolate Hershey Kisses.”

“Pfft. You will have to do better than that.”

“Step aside, boys.” Carol proclaimed proudly as she approached the man. “You’ll be able to buy a hundred little gumdrops, with FRESH American money!” She grinned and presented a bundle of dollars.

“…KILL HER!”

A bunch of the surrounding men raised candy swords, but Chris and Aurora jumped around and pelted all of them with fireballs, knocking them out. “Yeah, don’t show that stuff here.” Chris stated.

“Oi, LOOK, mates!” Sheila exclaimed as she climbed in the tank. “This baby has EVERYTHING! Oi bet we can wreck some good convenience stores with THIS load!”

The rest of the group climbed in the tank as Haylee said, “At least it’ll save us some strength. Let’s ride this to the temple.”

And for several miles, the team rode the tank across the desert. Other candy-made tanks were coming from ahead, along with Arab soldiers on foot, wielding candy swords. The kids blasted jawbreaker cannonballs to blow the tanks away, but the soldiers started climbing on and striking their tank, and it became hard to keep track of all the enemies. When soldiers climbed on, they were able to spin the tank and knock them off. They drove the tank down a road between rock walls, making less room to maneuver as more soldiers came. They arrived at a huge candy-made wall, with turrets on the top sides that attacked the kids’ tank. The team remained their ground and kept firing until the wall was blown down.

They quickly rolled across, their tank smoking as they arrived at a vast chasm, using only a narrow, snaky road to get across. There were teddybear minions; called Tediz, floating on mini helicopters while they shot guns, and more Arab men charging along the road. The tank blasted the Heli-Tediz and ran over the Arabs as it reached the end of the road and shot down another wall, enduring more shots. “Ugh, we can’t take anymore hits!” Aurora yelled.

“We’re almost there!” Haylee announced with determination, forcing the tank up the following hill.

Once they arrived at the top, Haylee turned the turret backward as the soldiers chased, and blasted a cannonball that gave their tank a boost. The rest of the drive across the desert was peaceful and uninterrupted, and the group was relieved to get a break from walking (even if Sheila had complaints). They finally reached the ancient tomb that Haylee was quick to recognize. “There it is! The Tomb of King Two-Tons-of-Candy! One of the Eight Sugary Wonders of the World.”

“Vell, zere is only seven now.” Mason joked with a mock German accent. With that, they pulled a lever in the tank and BLASTED the huge stone doors down.

“Heh, we’ll blow through the whole temple using this-” Artie said, before Haylee smacked him, “OW!”

“Don’t you have ANY value for Candy History??” she yelled. “Precious ruins like these were NEVER meant to be blown down! They’re about going in and seeing how people valued candy in the old days!”

“Ah’ve got a whole new respect for you, ‘aylee!” Sheila beamed as she hopped out and landed firmly on the sandy ground. The others climbed down as well, and noticed the Japanese symbol on the entry’s sides.

“Chi-blockers.” Aurora observed. “But weak ones. We can’t use our bending much.”

“Orright, mates: let’s explore us a PYRAMID!” And the spirited raccoon was the first to march in.

Another Arab man watched from behind a rock, glaring at the kids as he spoke into his walkie-talkie. “Al Sugarh: you’ve got company.” (Play the “Angry Aztec (Underground)” theme from DK 64.)

Act 2: Two-Tons’ Temple

The kids stepped down the wide stone steps and approached sealed stone doors. On the right wall, next to a column, was a weaker door, which Sheila was able to bust down with a Light Fist. Inside was a closet-sized room with a pedestal holding a tiny, pink-wrapped candy. Sheila picked up the candy and studied with curiosity. “Wot is it?”

“Hey, I’ve heard of this!” Haylee perked. “It’s a Shrink Sweet! Whoever eats it shrinks down to jellybean size!”

“’Guess we found our shrinking item.” Mason said.

Sheila unwrapped and began chewing the tasty sweet. Her face shrunk and scrunched from the sour taste, and before their eyes, her whole body shrunk to jellybean size. _{“Oi, blimey! I’m all mini! Hey, can I go inside your tummies??”}

“NO.” They chorused.

The itty-bitty Sheila scampered across the floor and discovered a mousehole opening in a left column. She entered and Wall Jumped up the vertical shaft, reaching a walkway above the columns. She spotted the lever above the door, but her adventurer instincts told her to walk down further left. She got above one of the floors between the stairs and dropped down, finding a tiny opening in the wall. She went in this opening and discovered a golden-wrapped Wonka Bar, which conveniently minimized itself to allow her to take it.

Side Mission unlocked: Find all the Gold Wonka Bars across the world.

With that, the tiny adventurer made her way above the columns again and above the doorway. She spun her fist and punched a charged Light Sphere, flipping the lever and opening the door. With that, she dropped down by her friends as they entered. “Great, but how does she resize?” Mason asked.

“They usually have some Growth Gum nearby.” Haylee said, noticing a pedestal behind the opened door with a light-blue bubblegum. She handed it to Sheila, who bit a piece off, began chewing, and soon puffed up back to her normal height. “Mmmm! Minty!” She grinned.

On their right was a vast, bottomless chasm of darkness with several small platforms leading over it, and some larger ones. There were also bats called Swoopers flapping over the chasm, but when Sheila knocked one out with a Light Sphere, another flew in to replace it. The door was sealed on the other side, but on the wall beside it, there was a stone face with a green tongue sticking out. Across the path that they were on was a giant gumball machine, with a big green gum in its slot.

“I’ve seen one of these before.” Haylee explained. “You have to feed the Tongue Ones the same colored gum as their tongue.”

“Orright then.” With that, Sheila lifted the green gum with both arms, struggling to carry it. She wasn’t able to jump, so she had to throw it onto the individual platforms. She missed near the beginning, but the machine dropped another green gum. Sheila proceeded to throw it across the platforms again, this time more cautiously. The Swoopers were flying at her, but she set her gum down and punched them away, quickly tossing the candy across before they could come. She finally made it to the Tongue One and tossed the huge gum inside. The stone face blew the green bubble, and popped it. “Thaaaaank yooooou.”

The stone doors opened and allowed the group to enter. They stood at the top of a narrow, snaky stairway with torches alighting the walls. They stepped down the vacant stairwell and reached a room where a camel stood before an empty pool. “Hoo-ooooo. I’m so glad I made it out of Avalar. I can’t imagine anything worse than that bear and bird. At least I have more than enough water to last me.”

The group stood on a small ledge overlooking the chamber, and on their right was a small walkway leading above the camel’s hump. Sheila curiously walked up and looked down at the camel. Without hesitating, she jumped, and PUNCHED down with great force. All the water spewed out of the camel’s mouth, and filled the pool one-third of the way. “Noooo. Some kind of raccoon-human? Oh, no… my water. Moooooo.”

The kids walked beside the camel and looked down in the pool, noticing a small tunnel on the parallel side, near the top. They jumped down inside and saw the tunnel had a bottomless chasm partway through, with the path continuing across. “Think I can shadowbend across?” Dillon asked.

“Bending’s limited, remember?” Aurora asked. “Let’s just solve the puzzle, be safe.”

They returned to the camel’s room and climbed a ladder out of the pool. They saw one corner of the room had a giant faucet aimed at a drain on the floor. The huge pipes spread two different ways, so they followed one of the routes between close walls. They reached a small room with a teeter-totter-like device, attached to one of the pipes that had a glass window. Sheila climbed onto the platform that was lifted and Ground Pounded, forcing the other side up. However, nothing seemed to happen. “Hmmm. Maybe it needs two people.”

“Sheila and Chris are the strongest, they should do it.” Aurora suggested. Chris hopped onto the other platform and Ground Pounded, flinging Sheila in the air on her side, so she Ground Pounded and flung Chris up. They kept this cycle of rapid Ground Pounds going, and the others saw through the window as water rised in the pipe. They soon had enough water flowing as it poured out the faucet.

The camel – Gobi – perked when he heard the water pouring, running over to embrace its taste. “Ohhhh sweet water. How I LONGED for you. Hoo-oooo.” He returned by the pool just as the seesaw device fell apart from all the pressure, and the water stopped flowing. Sheila hurried to the walkway above the camel again and Ground Pounded down, forcing this next batch of water into the pool. “Hooooo… I knew such would happen…”

The kids looked around and saw the alternate pipe was connected to a giant wheel, which looked like a faucet’s knob. Sheila ran down the hall where the pipe led, turning a right corner to reach a small room with stairs leading onto the pipe. She easily balanced across the huge pipe and made it atop the knob. The knob had an arrow on it, so Sheila dashed in that direction, causing the knob to turn. She ran faster and faster to make the knob spin, and it eventually caused more water to flow. Gobi joyously ran over to devour the liquid.

Sheila stopped running and became dizzy as the wheel still turned, and it eventually unscrewed itself and made her fall. She shook the dizziness off and stood up, hurrying above Gobi again. With one final Ground Pound, she smashed down and forced this last bit of water into the pool. It finally reached the tunnel, and for some reason, it flowed over the pit instead of down, likely due to old-style game mechanics. “Hoooo. Screw the desert. I’m going someplace with more atmosphere.” And the pour camel was out of there. (Pun intended.)

Sheila was first to dive in and swim through, followed by the others. Haruka, however, looked worried. “Ummm, would you help me, Dillon?” she whispered.

“Come on, Mason’s not gonna laugh if he knows you can’t swim.”

“I mocked him too, you know.” She glared.

Dillon did so and helped his friend swim across. They all resurfaced in a small room and walked down more stairs. They appeared on a small ledge with a dark chasm on the left. Giant starburst blocks were sliding off from a ledge directly above, and they were close enough to the right wall for Sheila to Wall Jump off of them. She grabbed a vine wall that was below the upper ledge and climbed to the foothold on the left. The top of this ledge was a steep, flat slide where the starbursts slid down. It was too slippery for Sheila to run up, so she had to jump the starbursts as they came down. She reached the top of the slide and stepped down a straight, narrow stairwell.

They reached another hall with a dark chasm, and Swoopers flapping over it. The next door was on a path across from them, but there was no way to cross. They did notice the small opening above one of the Swoopers’ caves, and the Shrink Sweet on the pedestal on their right. Sheila walked over and ate the sweet, shrinking to jellybean size. Carol placed a bundle of dollars on the ledge, letting Sheila jump on as a Swooper came down and carried it to its cave. Sheila jumped on the ledge above it, and when the Swooper came back out, Sheila got on its back.

When it resumed its pattern of flying in circles, bypassing another, Sheila jumped to that next one, and repeated this until she got to another opening along the right wall. There, she found a Growth Gum and bit a piece to grow bigger. She then jumped down to the door’s ledge and pressed a switch to make a bridge extend across for the others. They entered a vast, wide, round room where the central floor had a chasm around it, and many columns along its edges. They also saw a group of Arab candy soldiers around the floor, so they jumped their way across the platforms leading down to it. The men didn’t seem to notice as Sector V- I mean, Raccoon Pirates, reached the last platform and were behind two of them.

“How in the world did the Blurpleberry Supreme end up this deep?” one asked.

“It was the candy-hunting girl who beat Boss Sugarh before, Ms. Lincoln. It took the boss 20 years to finally discover it.”

“Why would it take him so long?”

“He didn’t think she would hide it in the same temple it came from.”

“What does he want with it, anyway?”

“He has already lured the Big Mom Pirates here, and plans to give it to them in exchange for a membership.”

“Big Mom Pirates? The ones that burned down Loompa Land?”

“Yes, if you believe the tale. I dunno what the boss has planned with them, but-” They looked as a bundle of dollars landed between them. “Oooooo, American dollars!”

“I’m doing to buy their new designer shoes!” Immediately, Sheila and Chris jumped down and kicked them forward. This drew attention from the other men as they charged to fight them. Chris tried to punch a fireball at them, but only a little flame came out. “Ah, man! Stupid chi-blockers!” He dodged their swords and punched at them normally, shoving them over the edge.

Two more ran at Kirie, but the mute girl easily jumped and kicked off their heads before throwing her poison-injected fans at them, knocking them down. The last soldier clashed his sword with Carol’s umbrella, and the rich girl managed to catch him on top of it and spin her parasol around before throwing him over the edge.

There were three different Tongue Ones around the columns with narrow slopes leading up to them through gaps in the columns. There was also a red, green, and blue gumball machine, and a giant handle in the center, which the Gilligan Triplets could push together and turn parts of the columns, creating new paths while closing others. Sheila grabbed a green gumball and hauled it up the current path, but it led to a red Tongue One. Curious, she tossed it in the face’s mouth anyway, and he immediately spat it out. “F***** yooooou.”

“They just couldn’t resist, could they?” Aurora rolled her eyes. Sheila dropped to grab a red gumball, but it turned out the column parts with the gum machines turned away when the parts were moved, so the Gilligans had to switch them around until a red gumball popped out, then find the way back. It became a confusing puzzle that took several minutes to solve, but the different Tongue Ones eventually got their chosen gum. The center hatch with the handle opened up, flinging the Gilligans off since they were still on it. Sheila led the group down a spiraling stairwell beneath it, bringing them to a narrow hallway of coffins.

Licorice Mummies pushed open the coffins and marched toward the kids, but Sheila grabbed one’s loose thread and yanked it to make the mummy spin around the hall and bump others, before unraveling. Haylee and Kirie grabbed others’ ends and munched away, and Chris used what little fire he could conjure and lit another’s end, burning him like a fuse before his licorice turned black, and disintegrated. Behind one of the coffins, Kirie discovered a Gold Wonka Bar and collected it. With that, the group continued through the door at the hall’s end and overlooked a vast room where another Arab man stood before a tomb. The team dropped down and kept their guard ready. (End song.)

“Tombs don’t get any deeper than this.” Haylee said.

“So who’s the candy-crazy grave-robber?” Chris asked.

“Hee hee hee… So, I see you have received my invitation. Welcome, Big Mom Crew, to Two-Tons’- GYAAAH!” The chubby man turned and shrieked at the sight of the kids. The man wore a green-and-yellow-striped Egyptian crown with a rectangle slot on its forehead.

“Al Sugarh!” Haylee recognized.

“Who?” Aurora asked.

“He’s a candy thief my mom fought one time.”

“So, you are related to Miss Abigail, are you?” Sugarh inquired. “I still haven’t paid her back for her little disruption in my important business.”

“We both know you stole the Blurpleberry Supreme from her and now you’re about to take it again!”

“You mean THIS Blurpleberry Supreme?” He presented the glowing blue candy itself. The kids gasped.

“What do you plan to do with it?!” Aurora demanded.

“The Big Mom Pirates are desperately seeking this treasure, and I have used my knowledge of this location to lure them here. I was going to demonstrate its power before them, and ask that they grant me a membership in their crew, but using it to crush a band of snotty kids will suffice either way! Get ready to taste the sourest candy you could ever imagine!” Sugarh slammed the Supreme into the crown’s slot, and a storm of candy immediately flew from the tomb, around the room, and engulfed him. The team stared up as the candy colossus grew almost as tall as the ceiling. He became the familiar sugar-coated, candy-corn-teeth monster any fan of candy would know. “Broo ha ha ha ha ha! After 20 years, King Two-Tons-of-Candy has RISEN again! Watch, Miss Abigail, as I take revenge by SQUASHING your children, and their petty KND buddies!”

“Hey, candy codger, get this in your asparagus-flavored brain ‘fore ya do so.” Sheila told him. “You ain’t dealin’ with the Kids Next Door: You’re about to meet a gruesome fate at the hands of the Raccoon Pirates!” (Play Targitzan’s Theme from Banjo-Tooie.)

Boss fight: King Two-Tons-of-Candy

King Two-Tons threw punches by stretching its fists at the 11 kids, but the group separated as Haylee dodged toward its left leg to bite some candy off. Her face winced at the horrid taste, so- “PYEEH!” she spit out, just before King Two-Tons kicked her away.

“Did I not SAY it would be the sourest candy of your life?”

“Sour is still candy, but that tastes like asparagus!” Haylee yelled.

“Exactly! And it will be your demise!” He launched his right fist at Haylee, who shut her eyes, but she was saved when Chris jumped above and smashed the fist with his own flaming fists. “What?! But this temple chi-blocks firebending!”

“Maybe,” Chris smirked, “but I use Fire Kung-Fu, too. My dad knew I couldn’t always use bending, so he taught it to me.”

They noticed a large green gumball appeared from Two-Tons’ hand when it fell apart, and some Tongue Ones hanging on the walls a few meters above. While they were wondering what to do about this, Two-Tons jumped and landed with enough force to propel them upward, in which Sheila took this time to hover with her tail and spin her fist as she approached Two-Tons’ head. The candy colossus noticed her and slammed her against the wall before reforming his right hand. Two-Tons continued launching his fists, but when Carol tossed dollar bundles at two spots on the ground, he launched both fists to grab them. Sheila and Chris quickly hurried above the fists to Ground Pound and break them off.

Sheila quickly got behind the giant gumball with the green Tongue One faced directly ahead. Sheila spun her fist rapidly, and when Two-Tons jumped and propelled them in the air, Sheila punched the gumball directly to the Tongue One’s mouth. “Thaaaaank yooooou.” It spat out a Shrink Sweet that Sheila grabbed. Carol distracted the colossus with money while Sheila ate the sweet and shrunk in size. Using her mini size, she climbed the rugged candy body that was Two-Tons and made it up to his head. She found a Growth Gum in the back of his neck and bit a piece off, growing back to normal size.

Two-Tons felt her and furiously shook around, but Sheila was flipped onto the front of his face as she gripped the Supreme and tried to yank it off. He smacked her away and readjusted the glowing candy, before spinning rapidly and throwing a storm of poison candies. When he finally stopped, Artie and Harry grabbed Haylee and threw her at his left leg, in which she stabbed her wrench in the base of the leg in attempt to cut it off. At the same time, Chris jumped at the right leg and punched its base with a fiery fist, and with both legs weakened, Sheila spun a Light Sphere in both hands and fired both at the bases, breaking the legs off.

Two-Tons was forced to crawl around on his arms, but Carol once again lured him away with a trail of dollars. During so, Sheila hopped on his back and performed a Ground Pound, forcing a blue gumball out of his mouth. Two-Tons reformed his legs back and did a jump that bounced the kids upward, in which Sheila punched the blue gum to a blue Tongue One. “Thaaaaank yooooou.” He released a Shrink Sweet, along with a swarm of Swoopers. Sheila ate the sweet and shrunk down while Chris dealt a few punches to Two-Tons left leg. He jumped away as Two-Tons leapt at him for a smash-down, but the force caused Tiny Sheila to fling high to the air.

She landed on a Swooper as it flapped around, and she carefully hopped the series of bats until she made it to Two-Tons, still focused on Chris. She got to his neck and bit the Growth Gum, but he immediately felt her expand and grabbed her forcefully. Sheila forced her left arm out as he held her before his face, and she spun her fist to punch a Light Sphere at him. He let go as Sheila jumped to grab the Blurpleberry, but Two-Tons shook her off again.

Two-Tons sucked in some breath and spewed a stream of chewed candy, disgusting them greatly as they were covered. Chris spun around and created a spiral of fire to melt his candy off, and when Two-Tons punched, Chris leapt with a counter-punch and blew his right fist off. “Euuuuhh!” Carol moaned, still covered in the substance. “Why couldn’t I’ve stayed on the nice, clean ship?”

“As a future Kids Next Door, you need to get use to this stuff.” Aurora told her.

Sheila spun around to shake her candy off and spun her fist to break Two-Tons’ left fist off when he punched. He faced directly down and chased Sheila as he released a waterfall of chewed candy, but the raccoon ran. Sheila dodged around it and Wall Jumped up Two-Tons’ legs, punching directly at his crotch and spewing a red gumball from his mouth. “You know, I heard the red gum is actually really spicy.” Haylee noticed.

Sheila smirked and carried the red gum away as Two-Tons recovered. Angered, the colossus once again jumped and flung them upwards. Sheila punched the gum straight to his mouth, his candied eyes watering before a stream of burning flames emerged from his lungs. He shook his head furiously, not noticing Sheila climbing up his body. She made it atop the crown and reached down to take the Supreme, but he immediately grabbed and tossed her against the wall. She recovered and kicked off, spinning her fist rapidly as Two-Tons charged. A powerful surge of light flowing through, Sheila SMASHED Two-Tons’ face into pieces, and the crown and Blurpleberry came flying off.

“Errrrrrrr….” The sugary colossus fell to pieces, leaving only Al Sugarh’s puny form. The thief plummeted to the floor and landed hard. “Ohhhh… now I see why… he died… ohhh…” He was sick to his stomach.

Sheila approached the Blurpleberry Supreme and picked it up, tossing it up and down with a victorious smirk. “And that’s why you smelly grown-ups should leave candy to the kids.” (End song.)

“All right!” Haylee cheered. “We got the Blurpleberry Supreme!”

“Eee-yup! Shall be a treasured memento of our first adventure as Raccoon Pirates!” Sheila winked.

“Mmmm, it looks so tasty! I want a bite!” Carol beamed.

“Hey, precious candy like this wasn’t meant to be eaten!” Haylee argued.

“Then explain our mom’s reason for getting it for Mr. Uno.” Artie smirked.

“Doesn’t count! But now that I think of it, Two-Tons’ candy is supposed to taste good to people who share candy. So why couldn’t I taste it?”

“It’s pretty obvious.” Harry spoke. “This candy’s gotta be 5,000 years old. Whether it’s asparagus flavored or not, it’s way past its prime. Heck, even the Sugary Wonders might not taste good anymore.”

“But they’re still worth collecting.” Haylee replied.

“Orright, mates!” Sheila began, wrapping the candy in an orange cloth. “This concludes our very first adventure! Let’s back to the ship and sail for NEW land!”

“YEEEAAAH!”

Sunny Day

The Raccoon Pirates made it back to the Sunny Day and readied the ship for sail. As Chris was raising the anchor, he looked up and spotted an incoming ship. “Uh, guys… we got company.”

Everyone saw it was a gray ship designed like a coughdrop, captained by none other than Nickel Joe himself. The shifty man sported his usual grin as he spoke, “Parley.”

“Alright, guys, let’s kick his-” Chris was about to speak, but Sheila held him back.

“He said parley. There’ll be no fighting here.”

“But he kidnapped Panini.” Aurora whispered. “This might be our chance to-”

“The negotiator won’t be harmed ‘til the parley is complete.” Sheila stated seriously. “And even then, only ‘til we meet again.”

“Siiiigh…”

Joe’s ship parked parallel to the Sunny as the man stepped one foot on his railing. “Well, what a fancy lookin’ ship youse bunch of squirts be usin’. The only kids I’d expect to use anything of that stature are the Kids Next Door. You wouldn’t happen ta be, aaah… interferin’ with our business, are ya?”

“We ain’t got a lick of bizzo with those blokes.” Sheila replied. “We’re pirates.”

“Pirates, ahh? Pretty young squirts to be sailing the seas. You wouldn’t happen ta have any correlation to a young, spicy rabbit called ‘Panini,’ would ya?”

“Never heard of her.” Sheila confirmed.

“Yep,” Carol nodded, “so if you killed someone with that name, we wouldn’t care ONE- B’OOH.” The Gilligans tackled her.

“Hmmmm… Well, this is an unexpected turn of chronology. Fat Jack said he encountered some munchkins in the desert… but just what are you doing here on this here shore?”

Sheila unwrapped and raised the Blurpleberry Supreme high. “The Blurpleberry Supreme…” he observed. “After the Sugary Wonders too, are ya? Awful bit of coincidence.”

“Well, we’re still kids.” Haylee responded. “Our life’s goal is to hunt for candy.”

“It’s understandable, but some candies have way more value than satisfying your taste buds. Surely you would wanna leave that candy in more capable hands?”

“Like yours? As if.” Aurora remarked. “We started this crew as a form of rebellion against adults who wanna take our candy. So we’re sailing the seas and taking ALL the greatest candies in the world, so you ADULTS can’t have them.”

Sheila looked at her with approval. “Yeh… but we can’t count on those Kids Next Door for squat, they like haulin’ all the candy, too. Not ta mention we can’t hunt ‘em when we want. So that’s why, we want all this tasty candy for ourselves! So neither you nor THEY can get it!”

“A truly rambunctious band of pirates.” Joe flipped his nickel. “Just what is the name of your pirate crew?”

“We’re the Raccoon Pirates.” Sheila answered justly.

“Raccoon Pirates… Come ta think of it, you bare striking resemblance to the legendary Golden-Fist Marine. You wouldn’t be a new division, would ya?”

“You’re looking at the flesh of ol’ Golden-Fist ‘erself!” Sheila winked. “I’m Sheila the Sunny Fist!”

“Sun-Fist Sheila, ahhhh… Well, this has been a pleasant interaction, Sunny Fist. We’ll let you keep the Blurple Supreme for now, but we look forward to encountering you again. Since both of us seek the same treasures, you and us are now enemies.”

Nickel Joe and his squad hopped off the boat and crossed the desert. Without another word, the Sunny Day set sail for the open seas. “Ahhh, an adventure well done, mates.” Sheila said, flipping the Supreme.

“But we could’ve taken that Nickel guy now and forced him to tell us their hideout.” Aurora said.

“Yeah, we could have… but he wasn’t lookin’ to fight, and even as pirates, we have to uphold a code. And if we’re ever going to beat those blokes, we need ta play like pirates ‘til the end…”

KND Moonbase

Cheren returned to his paperwork in a less-than-joyous mood. The Moonbase felt so empty without Panini, and he felt so weak knowing he couldn’t do anything. But if Nebula trusted Sector V with her mission, he could certainly trust them with Panini’s fate.

He looked up when his door opened, seeing MaKayla King walk in. “Oh, hi, MaKayla. Sector V talked about you in their mission report. Where’s your pajamas?” He smirked.

“That was a one-time deal.” She glared.

“Heh heh ha ha! Still, though! They said you were pretty badass. And strange.”

“It’s true.” She smiled witfully. “Using Clockwork’s essence within the Great Clock, I gained abilities to see through the timeline. They’re gone, now. But while they were around, I noticed you seem to be keeping a peculiar secret.”

Cheren froze while filling a form, glancing up with concern. “Oh?…”

“I understand your concern, but know that if you keep holding the secret, they will never be prepared in time.”

“…So it… happens?”

“As far as I saw… yes. I didn’t pick up any of the details. Regardless… you need to tell them at some point. Perhaps when Sector V returns with Panini… you can tell them all.”

And on that note, she left. If Cheren wasn’t concerned enough, her sudden appearance made him even more uneasy. …But reviewing her words, his previous concern was lifted. When Sector V returns… with Panini.

…Okay, I’ll speak now. So yeah, there was our first stage and our first Sugary Wonder. The story and order of stages actually gets pretty straightforward compared to NECSUS, but there are a few twists on the way. Also, since there were only 3 stages in the previous Big Mom stories, that sequence continues to here. So, um, next time the adventure will continue, and stuff like that. Later!

Chapter Text

Welcome, mine satchuan. Stories we go.

Sunny Day

It became nighttime by the time they set sail from the desert. The Sunny Day still felt vibrant, as the eyes of the raccoon keel emitted dim lights that shined forward, and several torches were alit around the ship, too. The sky was glistened with stars and a crescent moon, and the seas were very calm. Sheila was lain back on the keel with her right foot dangling over, and most of the friends could barely stay awake. There were very little sounds beside the calm waves, and they were so soothing. Combined with the gentle chill of the guiding breeze, they couldn’t ask for a more perfect atmosphere.

With everyone else mostly laying on the deck, Kirie was swimming in the ocean, resurfacing by the starboard and signing up, When’s Chris gonna be done with our food?

“Pretty soon, I hope.” Haruka replied. “Be careful down there, Kirie. It’s dangerous swimming in the ocean at night.”

I’m looking for mermaids! Kirie beamed. Don’t worry, they’ll come to my rescue if I’m captured! She dove beneath.

In the ship’s kitchen, Chris was using firebending to cook burgers in a pan, while turkey and steak were heating in the oven. “Why’d I get to be cook, anyway. I don’t know anything about culinary. Panini probably does, though. That’s her name, heheh.”

In a lower laboratory, Artie used a welding torch to fix wires in mechanical gloves. “If I can just acquire some solar panels to fuel these gloves with the sun’s energy, it can increase the strength of Sheila’s fists tenfold.” A few more sparks. “Arrgh… I think a few of the deeper wires are unadjusted.”

“Let me help.” Haylee offered, pulling out a Shrink Sweet. She munched the sour treat and shrunk down to jellybean size. Artie placed her into the glove as she crawled through the wires and carefully readjusted them using her own welding torch. _{“Huff, huff. I think it’s good.”}

“Way to go, Hayl.” Artie said as his sister crawled out of the glove. He laid down a Growth Gum for her to grow back to normal size.

“Hmmm…” Harry stared out a window in thought.

“Maybe I’ll finish the rest tomorrow.” Artie figured. “What’re you staring at, Hair?”

“Ah wonder… just what good is a singer in a pirate crew, anyway?”

“Well, you entertain us with silly raps! He he!” Haylee grinned.

“Yeah, but… compared to what you guys do, how much am I needed?”

“What, you help us.” Haylee noted. “And singers are the life of the crew, you’re totally needed.”

“Siiigh…”

“Aw, quit worrying about it, Harry.” Artie said. “You know that whole deal where everybody is equally important. …I don’t have the emotional knowledge to explain it, so why don’t we go up and eat.”

Kirie climbed back onto deck by the time Chris came out with steaming burgers and steak, all placed on a wide plate like waiters carry in restaurants. “Oooorder up.” He called.

Harry claimed one of the burgers and munched the first bite. “Bluch. Still feels too squishy.”

“Told you I wasn’t a chef.”

Sheila grabbed a turkey leg and bit a large piece off. “Food is food, I got no complaints, Mate.”

“You know what I’d like to eat?” Haylee asked, eating part of the steak. “A Blurpleberry Supreme. But I won’t.”

“What would happen if you eat a Sugary Wonder, anyway? Then it’s gone?” Harry asked.

“Well, the mystical essence of the Wonder would find another host candy of its own kind, and take a new form. That way, they could always exist in the world.”

“So theoretically, we could gather up all of that kind of candy in the world, and have multiple Sugary Wonders if we kept eating it.” Carol summarized.

“Well, yeah I guess.”

“There’s a new use for my unlimited dongs.” Carol proudly smiled, eating a beignet from her plate. “Would anyone like to try my powdered beignets?”

“I would!” Artie, Chris, Haylee, and Mason perked with hearts in their eyes.

“That’ll be 10 bucks each!” The four sighed and gave her the money before taking some beignets. Carol glanced behind her and saw Dillon staring out at the sea. “Don’t you want any, Dillon?”

“I’m not really hungry.”

“Why not? …You still upset about Whatshername? Come on, you’re so sappy. If I had a dollar for every person I know with a friend that moved away, that’d pale in comparison to the amount I already-”

“I don’t care HOW rich you are, you’re NOT gonna replace her, so SHUT it!” Dillon stomped inside.

“Sheesh, what happened to shadowbenders being serene?”

“Just forget about it, Carol.” Harry said.

“So what’s our next stop?” Aurora asked.

“There’s one other Sugary Wonder my mom knew at the top of her head.” Haylee replied. “The golden ice cream known as the Fourth Flavor. And it happened to be Mom’s favorite of the Eight Wonders.”

“Another classic tale indeed.” Artie smiled in thought.

“So all these Eight Wonders are some your mom already found.” Chris deduced.

“Yep. And I can already guess a few others:” Haylee began. “The Licorice Stalks, Magic Caramels, and Chocolate Volcano.”

“But those caramels only appear every 5 years, right?” Chris asked. “We’re about a year late.”

“So there’s a chance the pirates already collected them.” Aurora replied.

“I don’t know, though.” Haylee said. “The caramels are only at their purest during that 5th day, 5th month, 5th year. So they would only have a short while to use them to their potential. Not to mention they’d have to sacrifice something they value most. So if they went with it, one of their crewmembers would be the opposite of what they usually are.”

“Soooo…” Aurora began as images popped into their heads. “Fat Jack would be Slim Jack,” they saw “Slim” Jack eating healthy vegetables, dressed like a hippy, “Rallo would like classy music, Stewie would be a normal baby, Maggie would preserve life, I guess Black John just wouldn’t like candy, and Nickel Joe… X X X X.” They got headaches.

“Look, just, forget it!” Haylee shook. “Let’s just find the Fourth Flavor, okay? Mom said its temple lied on a mountain range along the southeastern shore of Greenland. After we sail around Africa, we can head directly north and be there the day after tomorrow. Gotta hand it to your mom, Sheila. She knew how to build a fast, durable ship. And if the wind stays at our backs, we can be there in no time.”

“Heh heh. Adventure has no time to wait, mates.” Sheila smirked, shaking a soda can. “My mom knew exactly that.”

“Then let’s get to sleep soon.” Aurora suggested. “We have a whole day to kill tomorrow, so let’s be ready to enjoy it.”

The next day…

The 11 friends conked out later in the night and woke up around 11 in the morning. Interesting number. They sailed for 5 more hours doing miscellaneous things. Chris and Kirie were both fishing and Artie was fixing the mechanical gloves on the deck. “Chris, since when were you good at fishing, anyway?” Aurora smirked.

“Just because my dad couldn’t throw a Ping-Pong ball in a bowl, doesn’t have any reflection on me.”

“Uhhh… yes it does. I mean, a firebender trying to catch fish, even they aren’t that stupid.”

Mason looked at Sheila as she was nearly passed out by the deck’s front, lying flat on her back. “You okay, Sheila?” he chuckled.

“Uhhhh… I never realized how boring sailing gets after a while. I need excitement, I need adventure!” She banged the deck. “When are we gonna get there??”

“Hm-hm, we should get there by tomorrow morning.” Haylee smiled. “I heard the mountains are really pretty in the morning.”

“I can’t wait that long! I need adventure nooooww! The unbearable lust from lack of excitement is heartaching! I-…” Her eyes shot open with wonder, feeling a sudden chill and familiar flurries fall on her face. Everybody stopped in their activities and looked around with surprise. The skies were suddenly cloudy as light snow was coming down. “SNNNNOOOOWW!” Sheila was quick to jump to her feet. “Holy STREWTH, mates! It’s SNOW! Out here in the middle of the ocean! During spring, no less!”

“Wow, I…I heard that weather patterns get kind of random sometimes out on the sea, but…” Haylee was surprised as everyone else.

“Check it out, you guys!” Sheila spoke, already having rolled a huge snowball. “You just roll it and roll it, and it gets bigger and bigger! I always LOVE doing this, mates! Ta think I’ve been waiting for Winter all these years when I coulda been doin’ this out at sea! This is the coolest adventure ever!”

Haylee stuck her tongue out to catch a snowflake. “Hey… this is vanilla flavored! It’s probably straight from the Mountain of Flavors where we’re headed!”

Artie, Kirie, and Aurora were already trying to catch snow on their tongues while Sheila built a raccoon snowman and Carol danced carefreely in the fluff. Haruka stared at the sea from the railing as Mason approached from behind. “Hey Haruka, dare you to take a dip in the ocean while it’s snowing!”

“Don’t want to, Mason.”

“Come on, don’t be a scaredy-cat!” He lightly shoved her.

“I said DON’T, Mason!” Haruka smacked him and stomped away in anger.

“Gee, what got into her?”

“She wouldn’t be the only one.” Carol said, looking at Dillon who stared at the sea, still depressed as before.

“Dillon, I’m sorry about Vanellope, but you can’t keep thinking about her.” Aurora told him. “She was our friend, too.”

“You didn’t care about her the way I did.”

Sheila forcibly turned him to face her. “Listen, Mate, you c’n be a sourpussy on your own time, but ’long as you’re on my ship, you ain’t sailing these seas with a frowny face. Either you have a Sunny Day, or Ah’ll make yer day gloomy. Vanellope’s gone now, and if you can’t get over that, you’re a waste of space under the sun.”

“Hmmm…” Dillon left inside the ship as well.

“He just needs time adjusting to a new teammate.” Chris figured.

“I don’t see why, I mean who wouldn’t want a filthy rich girl?” Carol asked.

“Yeah, who wouldn’t want a powdery brat to brag about her billions of dongs.” Harry remarked.

The friends all engaged in laughter, except Carol. “Ugh! Peasants!”

Big Ma’am

A duo of Nickel Joe’s buff henchmen pulled Al Sugarh by the arms and threw him on the ground before Black John. “Soooo, this be the sand-salty shrew that be darin’ to make barters with us. Tell me, Sugarh, where be the Blurpleberry Supreme?”

“I had it in my possession, but those filthy Kids Next Door robbed it from me!”

“Kids Next Door?” Nickel Joe approached from behind with his sly grin. “Accordin’ to the info I acquired from thems selves, they call their selves the Raccoon Pirates.”

“Raccoon Pirates?!” Big Mom’s shadowy image appeared on the screen. “The ones captained by Golden-Fist Marine?!”

“A different sort, Mama. The captain here was Sun-Fist Sheila, and her band was a bunch of snotty kids.”

“Snotty kids?! And they aren’t Kids Next Doooor?!”

“Accordin’ to their words, yes. They was reasonable to negotiate on the grounds of parley. But they wasn’t willin’ to hand over the Blurpleberry. But what do ya think, Mom? Are they trustworthy?”

“Nnnnn… they must certainly be Kids Next Door… trying to rescue their luscious comrade. Hnnn, I could eat her now… but it’s far too risky. I’d rather not have so many in my way when hunting the Sugary Wonders. Just this small amount of children should pose no threat. Inform me if any more of these ‘pirates’ interfere with our plans. If there is more than those same kids, fresh Panini Pancakes on the menu today.”

“Will do, Ma.” Joe flipped. “But what shalls we do about the particular gentleman which handed the treasure to such?”

“PUNISH HIM to his graaaaave.”

“A request Ay’ve been yearnin’ ferrrrr.” Black John growled. Al Sugarh shuddered with fear when the vice-captain grabbed the very space behind him, and ripped open a rift of darkness.

“Eeek!... AAAYAAAAAAAHHHH!” The thief was swallowed by the ghouls of the Underworld.

With that, Black John placed the bottom of a red candle in his mouth, lit the top end with a lighter, and blew it like a cigar. “Well, at any rate,” Nickel Joe continued, “what’s the stasis on that there recipe?”

Lala’s left; third eye was pressed against Rick’s as she still studied his memory. “I’ve found a few more. One of them is… the Fourth Flavor. Located on the Mountain of Flavors in southeast Greenland.”

“Poifect.” Joe flipped. “We have a vessel in that region. Call one o’ the tykes and have them get over there. In fact, better to send over Maggie. If those Raccoon Rascals thinks of takin’ our Sugary Wonders, what easier way to stop them than a swift, semi-painless, unseen death.”

Uno Household

“Siiiigh, well back to my boring desk job.” Rachel sighed as she was about to head to school. “I’ll let you skip today, considering the events, Cheren, but I expect you to finish the homework when I bring it.”

“I know.” Cheren released a sigh. “There’s not much point, though, it’s not like I can monitor Sector V, anyway. Can’t even check their progress.”

“Come on, Cheren, you know you can trust them, they’ll save Panini.”

“I know.” Another sigh. “But looking back, how are we involved in these situations, anyway. I know the Kids Next Door’s job is to fight evil adults that threaten kids’ rights to not brush teeth and stuff… which kinda bites us in the, well, teeth… but when it comes to fighting adults that threaten everyone on a, well, cosmic scale… why don’t our parents step in more? All of you guys have so much experience, not to mention your memories, so…”

“Heh heh heh. Yeah, when you really think about it, it’s kind of wrong for us parents to be letting their kids go on these dangerous missions. But we had to go through the same stuff when we were young. But our time is over, Cheren. We’ve had our experience… so now it’s your turn to have yours. You and your friends are the Next Generation. We won’t be around forever. Then after you’ve had your experiences, you might have kids of your own and the whole cycle starts again.”

Cheren regretted ever saying anything. All at once, a hundred weights were pinned onto his heart. “Hm…” Rachel smiled. “Not something a kid wants to hear.” She knelt down and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Just don’t think about it, Cheren. For now, just keep being a kid. No matter what you have to face in the future, don’t let that affect you now.” She stood up and began to leave. “Besides, you’ve already gotten a lot stronger, and your friends are about to do the same. Whatever comes your way… I know you’ll be able to handle it.” And she left.

All those weights were lifted off Cheren’s heart, and he sported a smile. He already faced so many powerful enemies, and defeated them. So did Nebula, Sector IC, Anthony… maybe they really could take on anything. Maybe even… that.

Sunny Day

Night fell once again as everyone was fast asleep, eager to hopefully reach their new land by morning. Everyone slept in one room, on either hammocks or mats that were laying about. Except for Sheila Frantic, however, who slept nice and calm on the deck, which still had a few traces of snow. Her snowraccoon was close to melting, and it’s guessed it would likely be gone by tomorrow. That’s why the friends ate part of it since it was part-ice-cream. The ship was still left sailing with the wind at their backs, and Haylee awoke every hour to check their progress. Throughout the night, there were still open seas dead ahead, so she was safe to sleep for another hour.

At 7:00am, it was a crisp and clear morning. Everyone awakened for their morning snacks and watched the sun rise in the distant, pink east. “LAAAAND HOOOO!” Their ecstatic captain was seated on the keel, first to see the incoming mountain range. The Mountain of Flavors towered high into the heavens, and appeared like thin, sharp, very tall needles. Very misty clouds drifted around them, and a light cold breeze radiated from their summit.

The ship parked beside a thin strip of land that mimicked a pier, and Sheila was the first to set foot. She marched forward with her crew behind, viewing the narrow path that led up the steep landscape. Sheila whiffed a huge breath of cold, ice-creamy air through her nose. “Smells just loike my fridge.”

Haylee basked in the lovely air as well. “The home of the Fourth Flavor… the purest ice cream that ends all others.”

“Well, wot are we doin’ here sniffin’, let’s GO, cobbers!” Sheila declared.

“Sniff-sniff, better hurry.” Haylee cautioned. “I smell, SNIIIIFF… jimmies.” (Play “Alpine Incline (Ground)” from Donkey Kong: Tropical Freeze.)

Stage 5: Mountain of Flavors

Mission: Reach the Temple of the Fourth Flavor.

Act 1

The crew started up the path along the side of the mountain before reaching an opening where a light gust breezed up a vertical enclosing. Sheila held Aurora and Chris and spun her tail to allow the gust to propel her upwards. Haylee used her own mini propellers to float up with Harry and Artie, Carol floated with her umbrella, holding Mason, Dillon Shadow Glided up with Haru, while Kirie glided with her sleeves. They swerved left and right to avoid the floating Eye-Cones – floating spikeballs with ice cream cone spikes, and a single eye – along the way, before taking land on a foothold up top.

A giant crystal wall blocked their path, but a small stairway on the right led up to a small pathway. Sheila walked up and spotted a huge spiked crystal ball-n-chain, which would otherwise be blocked from her view on the lower ground, or inside the wind tunnel. She walked around the path so that the ball-n-chain was between her and the crystal wall. She spun her arm and punched a charged Light Sphere at the ball-n-chain, making it smash down the wall.

They entered the new area, where a squad of Candy Pirates dropped down and ambushed them. One of them ran at Sheila, but she jumped and Ground Pounded, then threw a kick at another one to push him against one behind him. Chris kicked fireballs at them to knock some down, making them drop their candycane swords as Haylee claimed them, using them to fight others, then licked her swords. Two more ran at Carol, but she raised dollars and made them stop and pant like dogs, letting Sheila flip above and slam their heads together. Dillon grabbed the last one in a Shadow Veil and beat him to a pulp until he was out.

The group continued to a dead end, looking up at another wide, vertical shaft, with several Eye-Cones floating around. Sticking out of the wall were several chocolate popsicles. Sheila went over to pick one out, studying it curiously. “Oi, this thing’s still cold. What bloke would leave this ‘ere?”

“That’s a Fudgepuffsicle.” Haylee replied. “When you bite it, your body inflates like a balloon. After a few seconds, you burp it out and deflate, but you’re in danger of being popped on the way.”

“Crikey, I gotta try!” Sheila bit half of the fudgesicle, and incredible, chilly pain began flowing through her head. She desperately tried to shake the brainfreeze off, but her body swelled like a balloon, calmly floating upward.

“I don’t feel comfortable eating that.” Mason said.

“Well, I’m not and someone has to carry me. By the way, you owe me for lifting you up that last shaft, Mason.” Carol said.

“Siiiigh.” Mason begrudgingly ate the treat and puffed, Carol sitting calmly on his belly as he floated upward. The others ate a fudgesicle and followed, going up the shaft. It was harder to navigate compared to the normal wind shaft, but they managed to evade the Eye-Cones and cone spikes that were on the walls. They made it out of the shaft, high above the mountains as a breeze came and blew them along.

Their bodies deflated and allowed them to fall onto a safe path. They crossed the narrow trail, which had giant chocolate and vanilla ice creams sticking from the walls, which Haylee didn’t hesitate to lick. The crew reached a vast chasm where a path of shady blue owls – called Hootz – led across. Sheila was first to bounce across them, impressing the crew with her superb jumping skills. The others followed a little more worryingly, with Mason and Carol the only two behind. “I’m scared, hold me, Masey?” The girl got in his arms.

“Siiigh.” Mason bounced across as well while holding her. They finally reached the next path and made it to a small enclosing, where a squad of Nickel Joe’s buff Bodyguards ambushed them. A Big Knuckles – a large one with a bald head and sunglasses – charged at Chris, whose fists met with his as they pushed at equal strength, until Aurora jumped and flame-kicked the side of his head. Three Slim Jim Bodyguards – skinnier varieties with sunglasses and toothpicks – leaped around the area tossing toothpicks, sticking Harry’s feet to the ground as they jumped at him, but the boy threw both fists to punch two’s faces, while he ducked the third as he bumped into Haylee’s wrench.

Sheila charged a Light Sphere, punched it at a Bodyguard, and it bounced off a wall and hit another guard from behind. Two more ran at her from the side, but she jumped, spun around, and rapidly whacked them with her tail, then grabbed both their heads with her feet and slammed them into each other. With the guards defeated, they saw no other place to go but a shaft below a crystal patch on the ground. Chris threw flames at it, which had no effect, and Sheila tried to Ground Pound, but still barely worked. They noticed a large marshmallow along the back wall, so Sheila rolled the marshmallow close to the crystal patch, then used it to bounce higher to perform a forceful Ground Pound, shooting through the crystal and down the chasm at whipping speed.

She slammed the ground on the bottom and left a huge dent, then ended up smashed under the others as they fell. They found their selves in an underground cavern where a waterfall poured into a river, flowing to an underwater cave. The team dove underneath and swam into the cave (Haruka holding onto Dillon), evading Puftups along the way. The puff-fish swelled and exploded into spikes, scratching the side of Carol’s dress and Mason’s waist.

They reached a surface and gasped for breath, but there was no land to climb onto as the river kept flowing along. “Aw, man! This dress costed me a 60% discount!” Carol complained.

“Better find a discount for your skin.” Mason cautioned as ice cream cone stalactites fell from above, forcing them to dodge left and right. The cave finally poured out into a waterfall several meters over the ground, but before Sheila hit the ground, she spun her tail and hovered to break her fall, grabbing Mason as he fell, who grabbed Carol, and etc. until they landed safely. With that, they passed a narrow pathway between close walls. The path led onto a high cliffside, where the rest of this vast mountain lay in their wake. (Pause song.)

“Mw-mw-mw…”

Haylee’s eyes widened. “Get down!” They ducked behind a wall before bullets flung at them from a distance.

From atop a high cliffside a few miles ahead, Maggie Simpson readied her gun and held her right hand like an ‘O’ in front of her eye. She expanded the ‘O’ as her pupil expanded, and her vision zoomed closer. Seeing Carol peek out from the wall, Maggie fired her gun. “Ahhhhh!” Mason pulled Carol back.

“It’s that Maggie girl, what’ll we do now?!” Haylee shouted.

“AH’LL take care of this!” Sheila declared as she punched a Light Sphere where the bullets came from. Maggie immediately shot the sphere as Sheila threw many more, but the 1-year-old’s bullets came blindingly fast.

Haylee pulled her back and said, “We’ll need to find a way around until we get out of her vision. I see a fork up ahead, let’s take the left route. Sheila, distract her with your spheres!”

Sheila went ahead and rapidly punched Light Spheres at Maggie, distracting the baby while the others ran for the left path, then she joined. They followed a slightly wide path between walls, having to stay along the right wall to avoid Maggie’s vision. However, some pirates hovered overhead with jetpacks and held mirror shields ready. The kids saw their reflections in the shields, and frantically dodged when Maggie’s bullets bounced off of them, nearly hitting. Sheila punched Light Spheres that only bounced off the mirrors, then Maggie shot them down, so Sheila decided to whirl her spheres around the pirates and hit their jetpacks from the sides.

The enemies plummeted, giving Maggie no way to see them, so the kids stayed along the right wall. They saw a Gold Wonka Bar on the left wall, so Kirie happily skipped to it, quickly jumping back when bullets rained down. Haylee glared and shook her head, but the blonde girl wore a determined look. Sheila threw spheres up that Maggie shot, letting Kirie quickly run out and grab the candy bar before Maggie shot her again. They hurried along and reached a small stairway leading into a wide cave, with many holes where light shone from the ceiling.

Sheila stood in one of the light patches where the hole slanted diagonally, quickly jumping when Maggie spotted and shot at her. The kids decided to go around the spotlights, but the vertical ones had mirrors below them that bounced the light across the path, and mirrors above the holes just as well. Artie carefully stuck his hand in a horizontal light beam, and flinched when a round of bullets bounced their way down. To cross this first beam, they simply climbed on some short platforms nearby and hopped across. They arrived at a water area and had to dive underneath to avoid another horizontal spotlight.

They resurfaced and climbed on a foothold, overlooking a part of the water where whirlpools roamed. They couldn’t dive in in this area, but the foothold across from them had searchlights blocking it. They noticed another crystal ball-n-chain beside one of the holes, but to reach and angle it properly, Mason had to eat a Fudgepuffsicle and float upward while Sheila bounced on him. They maneuvered around the wall searchlights until they were at level with the ball-n-chain, so Sheila could punch a charged Light Sphere, fling the crystal spike up, and plug one of the holes.

They jumped this gap and reached the next foothold, where they could safely dive in the water. They had to navigate around a few more whirlpools which threatened to spin them in searchlights, eventually reaching the ledge that led further through the cave. They were in a wide area that was more rocky, with several ice cream cone stalactites on the ceiling. Spotlights aimed at them as well, so Maggie blasted the cones and made them fall as the kids dashed through. “How does she even know we’re here?!” Haylee yelled.

“The very slight rumbles of the cones?” Harry inquired.

“Her eyesight can’t be THAT good!”

They climbed up a few walls until they reached a tunnel that curved rightward. They carefully passed through until it became straight, and Maggie was dead ahead. The one-year-old saw them, however, and quickly blasted bullets that ricocheted off the walls. “Leave it ta me.” Sheila whispered. “AAAAHH-” She dashed forward throwing rapid Light Spheres, but Maggie blasted each one and ricocheted other bullets off walls until one hit her left foot, making her trip.

“Sheila!” Mason and the others ran forward, except Kirie, who held Dillon back. Dillon looked at her with confusion as the girl wore a serious look in her mismatched eyes.

The others tried to pull Sheila back as Maggie fired ricocheting bullets, which Chris and Aurora tried to block with fire, but it didn’t do much, and the team flinched while trying to avoid Maggie’s bullets. They gasped when Kirie went ahead and happily jumped around to avoid Maggie’s bullets. She tossed her fans at the child, but Maggie shot them away, then successfully grazed the left of Kirie’s waist.

The baby glared and twirled her gun, but a sensation fell over her as she suddenly felt immobilized. She glanced left to see her shadow, which extended to a close, but distant wall due to the sun, seemed to attach to another shadow that came from a nearby hole, which led into the cave they just were. Dillon was the cause of this, standing on the other side as his shadow, Mario stretched along and caught Maggie’s shadow in a Shadow Possession. He was struggling to keep the grip, so Kirie recovered fast, dashed at the sniper, leapt, and SLAMMED her foot to Maggie’s face. Dillon released the possession as the binky flew from Maggie’s mouth, and she plummeted down the vast windy chasm.

Haruka gave Sheila a Healing Sting before bandaging her left foot, then hurried to do the same to Kirie as the others regrouped. “…Did we just kill a baby?” Haylee asked.

“She’ll probably survive.” Mason replied.

“Wow, Dillon, way to go!” Haylee praised. “How’d you know where to stretch your shadow?”

“Actually, Kirie came up with the plan.” Dillon smiled. “She determined Maggie’s location as to the nearest hole and drew this diagram for my shadow to follow.” He held up a small paper with a crayon drawing, where a curved line led from a ‘Hole’ to Maggie. “Her shadow ended just beside the hole, so Mario didn’t need to stretch far to catch her. Otherwise, he probably wouldn’t’ve made it.”

“But we didn’t even see her shadow.” Haylee noted.

Well, it was OBVIOUS it was there because of the sun’s POSITIONING, sillyyy! Kirie signed.

“We’ll never doubt you again, Kir.” Chris said.

“To think if we came here later in the day, we probably couldn’t pull that off.” Haruka figured.

“So as you see, the Spirit o’ Adventure be with us.” Sheila fist-palmed with a smirk, no longer feeling the pain in her foot. “It’s time to move further!” (Resume “Alpine Incline”.)

From Maggie’s cliffside, they followed a left route that sloped upward, bringing them to a high cliff overlooking the distant, calm sea, and the sun still rising over the horizon. Sheila stood on the very edge, sucked in a huge breath, and screamed, “I’M SHEILA! THE GAL WHO WILL BE KING OF ADVENTUREEERS!”

“Don’t you mean ‘Queen’?” Mason chuckled.

“Queens are bullies, Mate.”

They followed a small stairway further up as light snow flurries began to drift down. Haylee held her tongue out again, tasting the vanilla-flavored snow as they arrived at the snow-covered parts of the mountain. They reached an open area with an icy floor, and the path continued past two ledges with a slope leading to them. Ice Cream Men stood guard on those ledges as they blasted ice cream bazookas at the kids. “Don’t tell me the Ice Cream Men are working for the pirates, too!” Aurora yelled.

“Heh, either way, we’ll burn ‘em down to size!” Chris declared as he threw flames at the first one, who defended with a pink glass shield before jumping down to swing it at him. The other Ice Cream Man jumped down while blasting ice cream at Kirie and Haylee, who hopped up and bounced his head together. Chris and Sheila stood side-by-side and spun fists of light and flames, punching the Shield Cream Man together and taking him down. They walked up the slope to the first ledge and jumped the small gap to the second and found a wide, frosty river. There was no way across it, and much too cold to swim, so they returned and noticed the huge ball of vanilla ice cream on the skate rink.

They figured they could roll this to the river, but there was still the gap between the ledges. However, a large screw sat in the center of the rink, so Haylee could turn it with her wrench and make the center piece of the path emerge from the wall. The group quickly rolled the ice cream up there before the path retracted, and they successfully rolled it onto the river to create a frozen path in its wake. The ball decreased as they did so, so they made their way to a small island where another creamball sat. They used this one to make the path stretch further, and Ice Cream Men started hovering over the river on jetpacks, trying to shoot them.

Kirie kept the ball rolling while Sheila tossed swerving Light Spheres at the enemies to bonk their jetpacks from behind and make them plummet. They noticed a ledge with a small enclosing on their left, holding a Gold Wonka Bar, so Kirie rolled that way slightly so Sheila could jump to and grab it. They made a stop on one more small island to get another creamball, and they rolled the rest of the way to reach a slanted waterfall. The water flowed along a shallow hill, so the team jumped off and slid down, eventually taking land on a walkway over a river below.

Across from them was a Tongue One that moved left and right, his white tongue sticking out. On the edge of this foothold were four levers, parallel to a slot above the Tongue One’s wall that each held a huge ball of ice cream, each a different flavor: vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, or green tea. “Here’s a kind of Tongue One that prefers ice cream. Like me.” Haylee explained. “Just give him the flavor that matches his tongue.”

Sheila waited for it to slide beneath the vanilla’s slot before she punched the lever and dropped the ice cream inside. The Tongue One slurped it up and spoke, “Thaaaank yooooou.” He started moving faster as his tongue was now brown, so Sheila had to punch the chocolate switch to make that flavored ice cream come down. She had trouble timing it just right and missed several times, but the ice cream eventually made it. “Thaaaank yooooou.” He moved even faster, wanting strawberry ice cream, so Sheila punched the switch when he was at different positions before eventually landing the ice cream in.

With his tongue now satisfied, the Tongue One got in the center and stretched his tongue to connect to their platform, opening his mouth even wider. “Gooooo nooooow.” The team exchanged nods and crossed the slippery tongue that led into the Temple of Cones. Once again, there were chi-block signs to prevent firebending. “Siiiigh. I feel like a broken lighter.” Aurora sighed.

“I feel like a broken record-player.” Harry remarked. (Play “Temple Feat II” from Donkey Kong: Tropical Freeze.)

Act 2: Temple of Cones

It started off like a regular cave and fairly dark, but they could feel the chill growing stronger. Their first hazard was in a wide part of the cave, where giant ice cream balls rolled back and forth along a dented path, rolling up the ramped walls on either side before rolling back. An easy hazard to cross, but one of the left slopes had a Gold Wonka Bar on the top of the ball’s path. When the ball rolled back to the other side, Sheila Wall Jumped up the dented ramp and grabbed the bar before avoiding the creamball and coming back down. They made it past the treacherous field and reached a ledge overlooking a calm river down below, which looked fairly cold.

A group of giant ice cream cones with different flavors led to another ledge, so the team carefully jumped the round, slippery platforms, before they tilted and the ice cream rolled off. Haruka slipped and panicked as she was about to fall in the water, but Mason rescued his sister and jumped along with the others. “Heheh… thanks.”

“Don’t mention it. That stuff looks cold.”

They all made it safely across, but looked back to see a Gold Wonka Bar sat on one of the cones after the cream rolled off. Kirie happily jumped back to grab it before the 11 continued into a wider area with giant ice creams sticking from the ground (mimicking crystals), and Ice Cream Men patrolling the area. They blasted the creamy delicacies that Chris kicked away using Fire Kung-Fu, then hurried over to punch them directly. Carol distracted a duo of them with a dollar bundle, as one said, “New iPhone Deluxe, here I come!”, before Kirie stuck their rears with poison-tipped fans that put them to sleep. Sheila spun her fist and blasted a Light Sphere that an Ice Cream Man bounced upward, but it hit a cone stalactite that fell down and knocked him out.

Chris kicked the back of another man’s head to knock him out, then Dillon finished the last one with a Shadow Veil beatdown. They progressed further and reached another cliff with a waterfall on the other side. Sheila grabbed onto a rugged cliff on their left that led up and around until she reached an enclosing with a strange refrigerator facing the ledge. “Oi, what’s this, you reckon?”

“A fridge someone obviously didn’t want.” Chris said.

“It’s a Megafroster Fridge.” Haylee replied. “It contains super chilly ice that can freeze large bodies of water.”

Sheila punched the back of the fridge, dumping a pack of ice that fell in and froze the water completely. “Like that?”

“Yeah, but we only have 30 seconds, hurry!” They all dropped onto the ice and hurried down the icy slope, reaching below the area where they jumped the cones. From there, they followed a left route and made it onto a safe land, then Wall Jumped up a cliff to reach a new tunnel. They entered a narrow cave and had to jump across large, round, solid colorful snowcones that were pushed up by gusts of ice, and were naturally very slippery. They entered a wider open area and viewed a vast, frosty river on their right. At the end of the snowcone path were two parallel snowcones that were pushed further up, beside a small waterfall, so the group had to Wall Jump between them.

They reached an open area with a large body of water, where the waterfall originated. Sheila got onto a walkway along the left and punched a Megafroster to freeze the body of water. There were two Tongue Ones on the other side, with rectangle-shaped mouths and white and brown tongues. In a left enclosing beside the water was a large, square vanilla ice cream sandwich, and on the other side was a chocolate one. There were several jabbed rocks sticking up from the water, so they had to navigate the sandwiches around a slippery block maze. Sheila pushed the vanilla while Chris pushed the chocolate, but close to the end, both blocks had to collide with the other, in order to be positioned with their Tongue One. They succeeded in pushing the blocks inside, and the Tongue Ones raised their tongues higher to serve as platforms. “Thaaaank yoooou.”

Sheila and Chris made it onto the higher ledge, but the ice thawed as the others fell in and froze solid. “Ummm… Well, that’s unfortunate.” Chris shrugged. This new foothold was just a dead end, but there appeared to be a bushel of Flamin’ Hots. “The heck are these doing here?” Chris asked. “They’re not ice cream OR candy.” He set fire to the Hots, and they immediately sizzled and flew across the river. They exploded and sent a storm of small meteors to dissolve in the water and warm it up.

The others unfroze as Haruka quickly grabbed onto Dillon. “Ummm… Well, this is better.” Aurora said.

“Flamin’ Hotrockets. Who knew they were so reliable.” Haylee said.

The group returned to the lower area and swam down the river, having to dive underneath to swim into a cave. They had to navigate around ice blowers until they made it onto a safe ledge, going up some stairs and seeing these iceblowers were directly below snowcones on the ceiling. Sheila punched the snowcones and made them fall onto the ice gusts to be pushed up and serve as platforms. The snowcone platforms were pretty scattered, and some were set at certain heights while others were levitated up and down. They had to hop across a certain order of snowcones, in which the characters that could float had to help their friends across.

They made it to a ledge and entered another tunnel that was perfectly round and large. Once they took their first steps in, the ground shook, and they turned back with fright as a gigantic ball of strawberry ice cream sealed their way back. The 11 dashed across the cave as the creamball chased, having to jump mini cone spikes in their path. They then jumped small islands between gaps of water, then reached an area where giant ice creams fell from the ceiling, big enough to jump, but fell at different times to either startle the kids into jumping unintentionally, or running into them.

They reached a wide Wall Jump area and hopped up quickly as the creamboulder fell onto an iceblower and was pushed their way. They made it up and continued dashing, then finally crossed 11 parallel bridges to reach a safe foothold, letting the boulder roll off the edge as it broke the weaker bridges.

They stood before another bridge above a deep chasm in a vast region of the temple. Their eyes watered with delight, seeing the humongous mass of golden ice cream that was the Fourth Flavor. But two men already appeared to be there: a familiar, slim Ice Cream Man with a thin, curved mustache, and another man protected in a huge, green mechanical suit. The group hurried across the bridge to see what they were up to. (End song.)

“Plah hah hah hah! Finally!” laughed the suited man, his voice gargled under his glass helmet. “The ice cream that ends all others! The Fourth Flavor!”

“Ahhh, never have I seen such a mouthwatering delicacy.” The Ice Cream Man, Chef Pierre, said lovingly. “I am joyed you could be here to share this with me, Son.”

“Anytime, Dad.” replied Arthur Glacé, formerly known as Numbuh 48-Flavors. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were frozen in Brotherhood Base all that time. Those lousy Kids Next Door, freezing all of you in that dump. Bad enough I never got any respect.”

“Ze past is gone, Dear Arthur, eet eez a new generation, and we may begin anew. …I just vish that little bean urchin freed us sooner.”

“And using the luscious substance that is this Fourth Flavor, we’ll create an ice cream cake so unbearably tasty, the Kids Next Door will TREMBLE! And I’ll FINALLY have my revenge!”

“FREEZE, ice cream thieves!” Haylee declared.

“PAAH HA HA HA! ‘Freeze’! You were totally waiting for that, Hayl!” Artie laughed.

“Uuuck! If it isn’t the Demon King’s little devils themselves: the Kids Next Door.” Chef Pierre said with disgust.

“We are NOT Kids Next Door!” Aurora yelled. “We’re the Raccoon Pirates!”

“Like I haven’t heard THAT before.” Arthur said as he turned around, revealing his frostbitten face.

“MR. FREEZE?!” Dillon and Artie exclaimed.

“No he’s not! He’s Numbuh 48-Flavors. The guy our parents used to rob.” Harry informed.

“Actually, I’m Mr. Glace now. And I’m an official member of the Brotherhood of Evil. I get MUCH more respect than I did in the Kids Next Door. And YOU kids are clearly here to steal the Fourth Flavor, which by the way belongs to ME! Well, I’m not the little weakling I was when your parents were active. With this new frost suit, I’ve become stronger than ever! You and your ungrateful runts will NEVER push me around again!”

“Even in that suit, you still sound like a whiny nerd.” Haylee remarked. “Now move aside and let us have a scoop of the Flavor.”

“Nnnnno! My father and I are going to bake an ice cream cake that shames all others! Every kid in the world will kneel before me, wanting a bite, and you know what I’m gonna do?? Give it ALL to my Brotherhood buddies!”

“Well, then it’d be a real shame,” Sheila smirked, cracking her knuckles, “if I knocked the taste buds outta you before you could try it.”

“We’ll see about that!” Arthur yelled, scooping a chunk of the ice cream into a built-in ice-cream-scooper. “After I add my own special ingredient!” His right arm had a container of colorful little decoratives that made Haylee’s eyes shrink in horror.

“NO!! Not jimmies!”

48-Flavors didn’t hesitate to pour the little sprinkles on. The scoop of ice cream emitted a noxious gas that Arthur retracted into his suit. The entire cave trembled as their foothold gave way, dropping them onto a lower platform. “I’ll see to it you can’t escape before this cave seals you in! Then I’ll take the Flavor for myself! And may your demise fill your parents with grief, and make them regret EVER messing with me!!” (Play the “Industrial Park” Theme from Spongebob: Battle For Bikini Bottom.)

Boss fight: Arthur Glacé

The cyborg of ice cream spun around and unleashed a barrage of poisonous ice cream droplets, which Mason and Haruka were able to catch and throw back, barely penetrating his suit. As the cave shook, more droplets of the Fourth Flavor fell from above, which Arthur threw sprinkles onto before sucking them in his suit. Sheila spun her fist and ran to punch Arthur’s mechanical knee, making him grip it and hop around a little. He recovered and merely blasted poison scoops at her, but she dodged side to side.

It took them that long to notice a platform with a Megafroster on the side opposite the Fourth Flavor’s wall. As they dodged 48-Flavors’ poison scoops, some of them fused together when he shot at them. Sheila tricked him to shooting a few at one spot beside the platform, before she climbed onto the foothold and punched a chunk of ice down, freezing the fused scoops into a huge round snowcone. She was able to hop on top and carefully balance across to reach an enclosing within the opposite wall. There, she found a Fudgepuffsicle, picking it off before dropping down and handing it to Mason. Begrudgingly, he ate the headaching treat and puffed like a balloon while Sheila bounced on him. Mr. Glace tried to shoot them, but Chris punched his leg with a flame fist and distracted him.

Mason belched the gas out by the time they got high as the stalactites, so Sheila quickly punched a few to send them falling. One of the giant cones bashed Arthur in the head, knocking him dizzy as he fell to his front. Sheila and Mason took land as the raccoon spiraled her fist, and PUNCHED Arthur clear in his protected face. The caves trembled as the Flavor’s perch toppled backward, sending the mass of tasty gold flying to another perch before the previous slammed flat, creating a bridge. Water began to flow into the cave, so the group chased 48-Flavors across the bridge as the previous platform was flooded.

They reached their new battleground that the cold water rose to only slightly, giving them a shallow ground to work on. Sheila shuddered from the chill on her toes, but remained steady as 48-Flavors summoned a squad of Ice Cream Men on jetpacks. While Kirie and the Dimalantas were focused on them, Arthur tried to catch more drops of Fourth before they hit the shallow water, the coldness causing them to freeze. They spotted a small platform with a Megafroster far to their right, so Sheila grabbed the frozen ice cream and hurled them out to make frozen paths. She had to use multiple snowcones due to their smaller size, but once she had plenty paths close to each other, she hurried across them to reach the Megafroster.

She punched the refrigerator and froze all of the water solid, causing 48-Flavors to slip his feet around uncontrollably. Three ice cream sandwich blocks fell onto the ice, so they suspected they could use them to trip the cyborg. Kirie studied the position of the blocks and waved for Chris, Sheila, and Dillon’s attention. She made several signs with her hands, and the three nodded. Chris ran up to Arthur in attempt to flame-punch his leg, but he jumped away, getting in Kirie’s line of fire as she shoved her sandwich block in attempt to trip him. Arthur dodged the sliding block, then frantically dodged when Chris punched again, tricking the cyborg to getting in the way of Dillon’s block, but he evaded again, only to end up tripped by Sheila’s block.

The raccoon dashed across the ice while spiraling her fist, laying all momentum against Arthur’s face again. His helmet cracked more as the cave trembled, and the perch holding the Fourth Flavor toppled again. It landed against another tall platform, becoming a diagonal slope as the ice cream rolled across a ramp-like path. 48-Flavors dashed up and chased the delicacy, and the pirates followed as the ice thawed and the water began to flood higher.

“Huff, huff, vait… Arzur…” Chef Pierre panted as he tried to keep up with them. “Hoof… I haven’t run zis fast since-”

“Since ye were forced to take the President’s Fitness Test?”

“No, but eet vas similar to- AAAAAHH-!” Pierre’s hidden assaulter cupped his mouth shut.

The Raccoon Crew made it atop the slope, but the water threatened to flood the bottom of the ramp before they crossed. Thankfully, there was a Flamin’ Hotrocket patch, so Chris punched it to send the firecrackers out to warm the water. They ran down the ramp as the middle part was already flooded, but they weren’t effected due to the warmth. However, Haruka was the furthest behind, and she ended up waist deep in the water before she could make it. Soon, it rised higher, and she had no strength to swim across. Her body felt like a hammer as she slowly sank to the slope’s bottom, lying there completely stiff as bubbles rose from her mouth.

The Fourth Flavor flew off the slope’s end and bounced all around the cave walls like a rubber ball, and the kids chased across a series of platforms. When the platforms ended, they were forced to swim to a rugged wall. Knowing this, Dillon readied to carry Haruka, but turned back and froze with horror at seeing she wasn’t behind them. He stopped Mason as he ran by and yelled, “Mason, where’s Haruka?!”

The brother turned and noticed light bubbles coming above where the “U” slope was. Mason gasped and immediately jumped his way back, forced to start swimming when the platforms became submerged. He swam back and found his sister unconscious, laying stiff under the water. He quickly swam down and grabbed Haruka, trying desperately to resurface as the water kept rising.

Dillon wanted to help, but was frantic at seeing the rising water, so he followed his friends and hoped Mason could handle it. They climbed the rock wall and saw Arthur still chasing the ice cream in the distance. They climbed their way up a deep trench where light shone at the end, likely the exit. The rock wall ended, so the crew hopped across a group of Hootz to reach a parallel wall, and when that ended, they hopped a trio of snowcone footholds that toppled down. Finally, they made it onto an outside cliff where the sun brightened their forms.

The Fourth Flavor stuck atop another point just over the edge, but 48-Flavors emerged from below using ice cream jetpacks. Feeling safe in the air, he took aim at the kids and readied to blast them again. But a bright glare got caught in Sheila’s eyes, and she squinted to see it sparkled from the golden Fourth Flavor, reflecting the sun. Looking quick between 48-Flavors and the sun, Sheila wore her determined look and began to spin her left fist. She dashed forward, but to everyone’s surprise, she was focused directly on the Fourth Flavor.

She threw her fist as it sunk completely into the Flavor’s shiny substance. She flipped upward, yanked her fist out, and dashed up the ice cream. Her fist was covered in the creamy gold, and when she performed a mighty leap, her friends gaped in wonder as her fist glistened like the sun. Their eyes sparkled and could only make out Sheila’s shadow, as her fist brimmed with even brighter light. Her fist aimed directly sunward, and its light reflected off the gold on her fist made it even stronger. Arthur Glacé could barely see, but it all became clear when a fist as bright as the sun smashed through his helmet. “EEEEEYUUUUH!”

It felt as though his face rearranged as Sheila’s gold-soaked fist pierced his helmet. The Fourth Flavor splattered across his face, but the cyborg fell fast down the mountain from Sheila’s momentum. He bounced against several slopes before landing flat against a stable surface. His helmet, glasses, and teeth were broken, and his face bloody, as the former 48-Flavors was no more. (End song.)

Sheila landed back on the cliff and rubbed her fist. “Wow, way to go, Sheila!” Aurora cheered.

“That’s our captain!” Chris followed.

“I’m glad you ain’t mah mama.” Harry smirked.

“And now the Fourth Flavor is all ours!” Artie said.

“And the moment we’ve been waiting for!” Haylee perked, grabbing her scooper. “The tastiest ice cream ever to-”

Artie snatched it away. “Whoa whoa, why do you get to taste it first?”

“Because I’M the ice cream fanatic! Duuuh!”

“But I’M the chef, I need to taste-test it!” Chris argued, taking the scoop.

“Well, I’M the rich girl, so I get privileges.” Carol argued, taking the scoop. Everybody soon ended up in a scuffle and all tugged on the scoop. Right away, Sheila marched forward and snatched the spoon herself.

With a firm face, Sheila scooped a chunk of Fourth Flavor and marched over to Dillon. The boy looked confused as Sheila- “HMMPF!” shoved the ice cream in his mouth.

Everybody stood around eagerly as Dillon munched and swallowed the sweet. It felt as though a storm of love and delight overtook his heart. “………!!!!” He trembled furiously before leaping with the purest joy. “IT’S SO DELICIOOOOUUUS!” Mario was drifting behind him, hands folded in a lovey fashion.

“Good, now stop being all mopey and depressed.” Sheila demanded.

“That stuff is just AWESOME!!” he yelled with a wide smile, “And it tastes just like BLURPLEBERRY!”

“Pass.” Chris said.

“GAAAASP!” Mason finally emerged above the water in the cave with Haruka around his shoulders.

“Mason! Haruka!” Aurora yelled as they hurried over. Mason gasped desperately as he walked onto land and set Haruka on her back.

“She was drowning, so I had to save her!” he breathed.

“Oh no! Haruka!” Aurora cried as their friend lay unconscious.

Kirie wore a serious look as she signaled them to step aside. She knelt before Haruka and rolled up her sleeves before rubbing her hands. She PUNCHED Haruka clear in the stomach, forcing water to spew from her mouth, directly up before splashing on her face. “Siiigh… Thanks, Kirie.”

Sunny Day

The team sailed away from the mountains as Haylee stashed several buckets of Fourth Flavor into a Megafroster. “So you had a Devil Fruit all this time??” Mason questioned. “How come you never said anything?”

“Well, because… I thought it would be embarrassing if you found out I couldn’t swim, but you could.” Haruka answered with shame. “I’m the one who teased you about it before, and told everyone else, so…”

“Sheesh, Haruka, that was like two YEARS ago, I’ve been over that!”

“Eight months…”

“Haruka, if there’s something you can’t do, I wanna be able to help you with it.”

“I know, it’s just… I never even wanted this Devil Fruit, and now I feel so weak.”

“She saved Mocha’s life with it.” Dillon noted.

“Yeah, but it’s not how I wanted to heal people.”

“Maybe, but you shouldn’t be sad that you can’t swim, Haruka.” Mason smiled. “You’re still a good fighter on land, and our powers barely work underwater, anyway. But if you woulda told us, we would’ve helped you swim, no one’s laughing.”

“…” Haruka returned a thankful smile.

“Hoooo, OKAY!” Haylee cheered. “We really need to do some research, because my mom had NO idea where we should go next!”

“We know the names of a few of the Wonders, but finding them’s the problem.” Chris said. “And we aren’t even sure of the Big Mom Pirates’ progress.”

“The Big Moms could’ve found five Wonders for all we know,” Aurora agreed, “so we’d be in a race for one. The others we’d have to fight for.”

“Ahhhh, big yonkers!” Sheila waved off. “We knew we were gonna fight them at some point. So what better than any time soon! Them Big Mum blokes have passion, but so do we!”

All 11 friends raised fists and touched them at a center. “We’ll find all the Sugary Wonders and knock the teeth clear outta Big Mom! And show them why the Raccoon Pirates are the NEW terror of the seas!”

“YEEEAAAH!”

Mountain of Flavors

Arthur Glacé lay knocked out still, the cyborg only barely alive. “Mw-mw-mw…” Maggie glared as she crawled her way back, her form bruised and bloody as well. Her left eye twitched as her pupil increased and decreased on its own.

Ahhhh, good to have this done. So we got to see a few of the Big Moms’ powers. As you might notice, this story has a lot of throwbacks to the original KND series, and since it’s a pirate story, I like to keep most of it generally lighthearted, mainly because it’s a fairly short story. X) But here’s a tip: enjoy this lightheartedness while it lasts. Because come Seven Lights, things will take a drastic change. You’ve been warned. ;I

Chapter Text

…Farfegtubing. X)

Chapter 5: Sheila and the Crystal Marshmallow!

Big Ma’am

Black John Licorice returned to his ship and threw the captured Chef Pierre against the wall. “Uck! Incroyable! Do you happen to know who I am? I am the world-renowned ice cream chef, Pierre Glacé!”

“I know ye are.” Black John smirked with malice. “That’s why yer a vital asset to our plans.”

“Mw-mw.” They looked as Maggie returned, the one-foot-high child hauling the lunky form of Arthur Glacé in his freeze suit. Black John hauled the frostbit man out of his suit and stuck him inside a freezer with a glass door.

“Vait! He can’t be out of his suit or-”

“Don’t worry, we’ll keep him cool.” John assured as he put the mech-suit up against the wall. “As long as ye be ‘cool’ with us. We’re well aware o’ your skill in bakery, having constructed an ice cream cake SO massive, you c’n have a swarm of yer frosty delivery boys living in it. Why, even our young time-traveler here experienced it.” He spared a glance to Rick Strowd, still examined by Lala. “Had it not been for him, we never woulda discovered what ye looked like. Convenient ya happened to be roaming around the Mountain o’ Flavors. ‘Tis why our ships were there in the first place.”

“And just vhat is it you malveillant thugs vant, ahh?”

“We have a fancy for delicious cakes as well, and we are creating one that surpasses all others. But our quest be candyless, without one of true culinary know-how. ‘Tis where you come in. As soon as the necessary ingredients are in our possession, YOU will be tasked with constructing the marvelous delicacy. Otherwise, yer son may be set out to defrost.” He smirked threateningly at the refrigerated Arthur.

“You vill not treat a high-class chef this vay!”

“Noooo, of course not.” John bowed. “Ye actually deserve MUCH worse treatment! But for the occasion, just yer son. So SIT down and be a good hostage, Snail Boy! Oh… and we’ve recruited yer men, too. Stewie’s organizing them out front.”

Like he said, Stewie Griffin had the Ice Cream Men in perfect rows on the deck. “Men, you are now official crewmen of the Big Mom Pirates. From this day forth, you will be surrounded by seamen. Sperm whales and seamen. …Ooh, a swallow!” Said bird flew overhead.

“Stewie, quit bein’ queer and tell ‘em to whip me up a chocolate sundae.” Rallo demanded.

“Yeah yeah, you settle down. Alright, so we’re basically hunting these rare types of candies, why?, because these people have nothing better to do. Probably plenty of gold mountains we can acquire with our strength, but we’ll settle for candy. So keep an eye out for any ships with raccoon heads, and yes, get Rallo a chocolate sundae. Ooo, and get me a vanilla-strawberry!” He said with a more positive smile. “Oh, but NO sprinkles!!” Back to anger. “For any sprinkle I find… I shall kill you.”

Sunny Day (Play “Ending 17” from One Piece.)

About 2:00 in the afternoon. The seas felt very gloomy today. Little wind and waves, and the sun blocked by gray clouds. A little bit of light could be seen, but they felt no warmth. Everyone was lied down on the deck. It was hard to want to be active and excited when it was this cloudy. They wondered if it would rain anytime soon. It would be their first storm they’d have to tackle on the sea. All they could do now was lie flat and face directly up. Their raccoon Jolly Roger blowing in the light breeze. The gray clouds slowly drifting away. They awaited the very first raindrop to put a chill on their face. Kick in their nervous system and force them to move.

They barely forgot they weren’t technically part of the Kids Next Door right now. They were pirates sailing calmly on the sea. They forgot about being on a crucial mission to rescue a friend. Pirates had no real missions they had to complete, all they had were the seas and freedom. It was a whole different air. No pressure on their shoulders, no rush they were in. That’s what it felt like on these open seas. But they couldn’t forget, they were on a mission. They knew they had to stop these Big Mom Pirates and rescue their friend. In doing so, they had to act like pirates themselves. So they weren’t tracked, had no time quota… completely defected. They were totally free. It was their disguise… and the hardest part, was remembering it was disguise. They wondered if their own captain even remembered, or if she was doing this on purpose.

“Turn your CD player off, Harry.” Aurora said.

“Fine.” he sighed, flipping it off. (End song.) “Gettin’ too reflecty, anyway.”

“Siiiiiiiiiiiigh.” Artie sighed in dreariness. “Sailing is boring.”

“Yeah, but it was the best thing about Wind Waker.” Haylee said.

“Whaddo you think everyone else is doin’ right now?” Mason asked.

“Not our concern, Mate.” Sheila replied, seated on the keel and faced directly ahead. “We put aside our worries for everyone else when we became pirates. Even if we’re gonna save Panini… we can’t be worried for her.”

“I know, I’m just… saying.”

“Siiigh, when are we gonna get to the next ISLAND?” Carol whined.

“As soon as we find out where the Eight Wonders are.” Haylee replied. “We know their names, it’s just the location…”

“Aren’t the Magic Caramels in Guatemala?” Harry asked.

“Yeah, but there’s the whole 5^th month, 5^th year thing, we need more information on that.”

Sheila’s raccoon ears perked when another sound filled the air: the rushing sound of a propeller. “What in blazes is that??”

Everyone looked up as a helicopter flew overhead and came down. The KNN newscopter hovered beside their ship as Melody Jackson jumped out. Eric aimed the camera as the Jackson girl spoke in a microphone, the propeller blowing her long hair.

“This is Numbuh 10.11, live on the Sunny Day, vessel of newly-defective operatives, Sector V.” She held the mike at them and spoke, “So Sector V, now that you’re full-fledged pirates who were tired of Kids Next Door’s ways, can we expect an invasion anytime soon?”

“We’re NOT defective operatives,” Chris slapped it away, “and how did you even find us?”

“We interrogated Sheila’s mom, gained info on the Ice Cream Men’s activity from Cheren, and worked from there!” she spoke perkily.

“Great, so why don’t you leave and let the pirates do their thing.”

“Let me join your group! After all, this is reminiscent of my mom’s little adventure. Heck, who better to have on the sea than the Ocean Princess herself?”

“You’re a princess?” Carol beamed. “You HAVE to tell me your preferences in dresswear!”

“You can’t join the crew, Mate.” Sheila spoke, having turned on her perch to face her, “Not until you know the real commitment it takes to be an honest-to-goodness pirate.”

“We never made any commitment.” Aurora spoke.

“You’ll get it, eventually.”

“Besides, we’re supposed to be defective from the Kids Next Door, so you can’t do your KNN thing.” Chris smirked.

“But I’m a waterbender.”

“Makes things too easy, Mate.” Sheila stated. “May as well just sail on back.”

“Fiiiine.” Melody stepped back on her copter with Eric. “But not to get in your business, but we saw a few of those Candy Pirates’ ships parked at Bully Island just to the west of here.”

“Bully Island?!” Dillon perked in remembrance. “Wait a sec! Back at Punk Hazard, one of Caesar’s shipping points was Bully Island!”

“Hey, yeah!” Haruka remembered. “Maybe Big Mom collects Devil Fruits from there!”

“But doesn’t that nerdy kid live there? You know… Whatshisface?” Chris asked.

“Well, whatever the case, it’s clearly not our biz, so we’ll buck off.” Melody decided as the newscopter flew away. “Not our fault if you decide to follow us west!”

“Yeah yeah, I know my directions.” Haylee spoke, already getting ready. “Set our course to starboard, we’re gonna tango with the bullies!”

Bully Island

The sky became less cloudy as rays of sunlight were piercing through. Three candied ships docked off the island’s shore, forcing the Sunny to park several miles away. “The Big Moms are here, all right.” Chris observed.

“Are they after more Devil Fruits?” Mason asked.

“Either way, this could be our chance to acquire information on the Sugary Wonders’ whereabouts.” Haylee said.

“You’re right, but we don’t wanna engage in any big fights right now.” Aurora noted. “Let’s hide the ship behind those rocks and send Dillon and Kirie over to collect info. Sheila, you-” They suddenly noticed their captain was nowhere to be found. They looked in the water as Sheila swam to the island herself and climbed onto the shore where the ships were docked.

“HELLOOOO Bully Island! Give Sun-Fist Sheila the BIGGEST wedgie you got! If you CAN, anyway! HA HA haaaa!”

“It’s her!!” a pirate exclaimed. “Skewer her!” A swarm charged out as Sheila began to dodge and punch.

“Siiigh. Just get going, now.” Harry stated.

“Oh! And if you could, look for any solar panels!” Artie requested. “The island base would have to have a few!”

“Roger that.” Dillon nodded. “Let’s go, Kirie!” (Play the “Lightfoot Village” theme from Star Fox Adventures.)

Stage 6: Bully Island

Mission: Acquire info on the Sugary Wonders’ locations.

While the Sunny Day sailed behind a group of jagged rocks, Dillon grabbed Kirie and Shadow Glided to a cliff filled with trees and shrubs. They stepped down a short slope and peeked through some shrubs as a group of Noogie Raptors walked by. They quietly followed the bullies into an open area where other Noogie Raptors were torturing Shy Guys. However, Spark Guys ran in from behind to stun the bullies with electrified bodies, then dragged them away. Dillon and Kirie exchanged curious looks before continuing ahead.

They got to an electric fence that Dillon Shadow Veiled them under, viewing an open yard where Shy Guys tried to control Baseballosaurs. There was an exit across the field, but it seemed unsafe to Shadow Veil all the way across. Dillon and Kirie snuck behind a few metal barrels and made it to a spot where a sun ray shone through the clouds. Dillon stood there and stretched his shadow out to catch a nearby Baseballosaur whose back was turned. Dillon possessed it via the shadow and forced it to whack a baseball into the control tower window on their left. A group of Shy Guys charged over to tame the bully, so Dillon and Kirie got away before they were noticed. With the Shy Guys all distracted, the two kids hurried to the exit.

They followed a narrow, curvy path down a hill and got to a beach before a lake. The area was covered with snow as two Snowballosaurs were creating ugly snowmen that resembled their selves. The left one looked at the other’s and started pointing and laughing, so the right one chucked a snowball at him. The right one started laughing then, so the left chucked his entire snowman to cover him. Hey, that’s not how you treat snowmen!

The bully heard Kirie’s shout (again, ?) and growled, beginning to chuck snowballs at them. Dillon Shadow Veiled and got beneath the bully to punch him upside the head. The other bully recovered as Kirie ran over to spin and kick him in the side of the head. Dillon’s Snowballosaur raised a giant snowball, but Dillon stretched Mario to punch the creature’s knees and make him drop the snowball on himself. Kirie was still battling her bully, but Dillon found a patch of sunlight and stood in to catch the bully in a Shadow Possession. He forced the bully to roll up a giant snowball and roll that snowball across the lake to make a frosty trail. Dillon and Kirie crossed the lake, which would otherwise be unswimmable with all the Splashosauruses.

They made it to another wide field where Footballosauruses roamed. Kirie snuck up on the first one from behind and tapped his shoulder, slipping behind when he turned. She swiped his football and tossed it at another, so when the first turned around, he was already accused by the second. The two ended up in a brawl that the others joined, so the duo snuck over to the far left corner and climbed a short cliff. They trekked up a hill to another prison yard, where Spitballosaurs stood guard with spit-loaded straws aimed. Dillon and Kirie spotted the main control tower, previously home to Jerry Rassic. It was protected by an electric fence, which had no gaps in which to sneak under. The fence had four generators on different parts.

The Spitballosaurs were conveniently beside barrels of spit, which the two used to hide behind. When they had to sneak around the front of one, Kirie tapped its shoulder to make it turn, allowing them to sneak. There were four different sun patches around the field, so Dillon made it to each one and used Shadow Possession on a bully. He aimed that bully’s spitball at a generator and fired to destroy it. Before it could warn the others, Dillon used the Shadow Strangle to knock it out. The two eventually managed to take out all the generators, and the electric switched off.

Dillon and Kirie snuck over to the fence and were able to Shadow Veil underneath without risk of electrocution. They kept the Shadow Veil to avoid the cameras around the building, backing flat against the front door of the tower. Kirie used the tip of her fan to pick the door’s lock, and succeeded in gaining them entry. They snuck inside and went up the staircase to peek in the control room. There stood none other than Fat Jack, talking to a hunchbacked man with a scrunchy face. (End song.)

“So let me get this straight.” Jerry Rassic spoke. “You wish to use my Bullysaurs as extra force to hunt for these… candies?”

“That’s right, ahhhhh, I heard you make ‘em from Nightmare Substance you got from your dad. Mom likes that stuff, ahhhhh, it’s why she orders Bang Gas here.”

“Hmmmm. But seeing as how I already let you pirates use this underground transport here, I feel I deserve a little more compensation.”

“We’ll give you a slice of the cake, ahhhh.”

“No thanks… I’m lactose intolerant. I was more along the lines of REVENGE AGAINST THE KIDS NEXT DOOR- ow.”

“Ahhhh we’ll do so, then. We really just wanted to send more defensive down at Marshmallow Mayans, ahhhh, down there in that North South America.”

Dillon and Kirie exchanged excited smiles. “Sure, sure…” Jerry agreed. “And as for when I’ll take my payment, I’ll settle with… RIGHT NOW!” He whipped around Fat Jack and shocked Dillon and Kirie with his cane, making them sink to their knees as they stuttered. “Thought you could sneak onto MY island, HUUUH? Just like those Kids Next Dorks 20 years ago.”

“Who the heck are you?” Dillon asked.

“WHAT THE—you STILL don’t remember who I AM?? I’M JERRY RASSIC!! Not that you’ll have much time to remember it. Because when Wedgiesaurus gets through with you, YOU’RE gonna wish-”

“Rooooaaarrr!” Jerry and Jack turned toward the window, seeing their patrolling Spitballosaurs cowering.

“YAAAAAHOOOO!” The Wedgiesaurus came charging in with none other than Sheila Frantic on its head. The large bully’s underwear was over his head, and Sheila was yanking it to control him. “Here’s Sheila Frantic, BULLY conqueror!”

“STOP HEEEERR!” Jerry cried as his Spitballosaurs lined up to shoot the Wedgie Rex. He swung his tail and whacked the bullies away, then charged straight for the tower. He jumped and allowed Sheila to fling through the windows, kicking Jerry against Jack, against the wall.

“Man, this island’s a riot, you guys! These big ol’ blokes think they’re dinos!”

Let’s just get OUTTA here, Sheilaaa! Kirie cried.

“Wait, does this building have solar panels?” Dillon asked. “Artie wanted us to collect some.”

“No problem! ‘EY! Crater Face!” she yelled at the saurus. “Get me some of ‘em roof mirrors!”

“Rooooo.” The Wedgiesaurus climbed up the tower and plucked two solar panels off, dropping down and presenting them to Sheila.

“They’re all apples, mates! Now let’s go!” Sheila hopped on the panels, and her friends joined as the bully charged off.

Fat Jack recovered and kicked off the wall, flying directly above the Wedgiesaur in the sky. “Ten-Ton Tumble DOWN.” Fat Jack fell fast and CRUSHED the Bullysaur, sending the kids flying.

They rode the panels like snowboards and swiftly navigated the trees and rocks as they slid downhill. “WHOOOoooaaa!” The edge of the island curved up like a ramp, allowing them to soar high and land perfectly on their ship. “UUUH!”

“Oh great, you’re back!” Aurora perked.

“And you brought the panels!” Artie noticed.

“Yeah, so raise the anchor, let’s get going, we’re heading south!” Dillon said rushedly as he and Kirie began to unfurl the sails. Haylee grabbed the helm and turned it forcefully to turn the ship south, sailing away as the Big Mom ships were already giving chase.

Further out at sea

“So Big Mom was really using that place to buy Devil Fruits?” Haylee asked.

“Yeah, and apparently those bullies were made from Nightmare Substance.” Dillon recapped. “Jerry’s dad must be a customer of Nightmare Enterprises.”

Artie peeled off a small portion of the solar panels and fixed them on the back of the metal gloves. “Finished! Sheila, if you put these on, the panels will absorb solar energy into the gloves, and mixed with your own lightbending, your punch can become even stronger! Of course, you would have to hope for a sunny day to be able to use these, heh.”

“Every day’s a sunny day for me, mates.” Sheila grinned.

“So we’re heading to the Marshmallow Mayans, huh?” Aurora confirmed.

“I should’ve expected as much.” Haylee replied. “I heard legends of a Crystal Marshmallow that was treasured by an ancient civilization. But not even my mom’s seen it, but judging by what that pirate said, it must exist.”

“Why would anyone want a Crystal Marshmallow?” Chris asked. “Hurt your teeth if you ask me.”

“It’s actually a shell of rock candy, delicacy for earthbenders. Or anyone with strong teeth. But in its heart lies the squishiest, juiciest, most succulent marshmallow you’ve ever seen.” Haylee’s eyes watered just thinking about it.

“Well, if I have to eat a whole crystal shell just to get it, count me out.” Carol stated. “I’ll get my construction crew to drill it out.”

“You know, Mars is well-known for their vast growth of marshmallows.” Haylee noted. “My mom even said the Mayans may’ve had ties with the Martians. Even they could’ve given them the Marshmallow.”

“Well, if the Big Moms already know about it, we better hurry.” Harry said.

“Yeah, like, fast! They’re coming now!” Aurora yelled, pointing at the trio of ships behind them, which were shooting jawbreaker cannonballs.

“All cobbers GET TA battle stations!” Sheila declared.

“Dun dun duh, dun dun, duh dun dun, duh DUH DUH DUH,” Artie sang as he loaded their cannons and blasted back, “dun dun duh, dun dun, duh dun dun-” Sheila punched him with a sphere.

“Oi, if yer gonna hum, sing PIRATES, not cruddy Star Wars! You should’ve did that during the N.E.C.S.U.S. journey!”

“Fine! RAH DUN DUN DUH DUNUH! DA DA DUH DUNUH! Da da da dunuh! DA DA duh dun!”

A group of Jacketdactyls flew overhead with Footballosaurs riding them, throwing exploding footballs down. Sheila spun her fist and fired a Light Sphere that bounced off one Footballosaur, and knocked all the others down. As for the Jacketdactyls, they panted heavily when Carol raised a dollar bundle, throwing it into the ocean as the bullies shot down to retrieve it. The candy ships still fired as the Raccoon Crew tried to counter.

“You know, I kinda missed it when we were lying on the deck in boredom.” Aurora remarked.

“I have an idea.” Artie spoke. “Mason and Haruka, try and whip up a gas cloud.” The two stood on the back ledge and chugged down several sodas, using all their strength to create a gas cloud big enough to swallow the three ships. “Now Chris and Aurora, you know what to do.” The two nodded and tossed a ray of flames to set the foggy gas on fire and burn the ships to rubble.

“ALL RIGHT!” Mason and Haru cheered. “WE DID IT—oh?” One of the candy ships merely sailed around the fog and stayed on their tail.

“Siiiigh.” Aurora moaned. “Any more brilliant plans?”

“Arrrrgh, can’t we use the blooming gloves?” Sheila asked.

“Sure, if you can point me to any sun.” Artie stated.

“Hey! There’s a sunspot over there!” Dillon yelled, pointing to a ray of sun a few yards off the starboard.

“Ah’m GOIN’ for it, Mate!” Sheila declared as she took the metal gloves and swam for the sunray.

“Hurry, Sheila!” Haruka yelled as the pirates still bombarded them with cannonballs.

The raccoon captain swam as fast as she could to the patch of sun and held her Solar Fists under to charge power. Mason and Haruka drank sodas to try and burp Gas Bombs at the enemy ship, but they shortly became breathless, considering their previous attack. Sheila felt she couldn’t wait to get back to her ship, so she spun her tail to hover above the water and spun her fists. They were heavier because of the gloves, but she felt a stronger surge of energy charging within. She felt a powerful sun burning within her, waiting to shine forth. She kicked in her Mobian senses and sprinted her feet along the water’s surface. Their weight lightened and allowed her to run on the water, and she headed straight for the candy ship. “Huuuuuu-YAH!!”

The ship vanished in a great explosion of light, becoming a mini sun on this gloomy sea. Sheila flew from the explosion with a bright and vibrant face, landing swiftly on the Sunny’s deck. “Well, those cobbers will need a whole load of sunblock. Now, who’s ready to get on with this adventure?”

“AYYYYE-aye!”

Marshmallow Mayans

The Sunny Day made it to South America’s northern coast and parked beside a small strip of land that served as a pier. There were more blue patches in the sky now, so they hoped the mood would be a little brighter. Also that it wouldn’t rain. They stepped off the ship and viewed the ancient ruins that covered the landscape ahead. “Ahhhh, the Marshmallow Mayans.” Sheila sighed. “I can already smell the ancient history. Just think, mates, when our towns are all bombed and ruined a hundred years from now, explorers will come to study our remains. A civilization’s old legacy becomes the future blokes’ adventure.”

“And Darkrai’s pain in the butt when he tries to give them a nightmare.” Haylee remembered.

“This already feels like an Indiana Jones adventure!” Artie mentioned. “Just imagine, we’ll set off some kinda trap that makes the door close on us! Then we’ll slide under as I drop my hat, and at the last second, I reach back and SNATCH it! Or maybe Harry can do it!”

“Not unless it’s my CD player.”

“Then I hereby call this journey ‘Sheila Frantic and the Kingdom of the Crystal Marshmallow’!” Sheila fist-palmed. “We’ll snatch their treasure and show the old Mayans their traps failed! I mean, what’s in there that we haven’t seen-” She stepped forward and pressed a panel, causing a group of arrows to launch from the sea and stick her tail. “YOW!” She looked at her tail, which now looked like a porcupine.

“None that ever had a chance to do that.” Harry said.

“Sigh…let’s just go.” (Play “Ruin Rhapsody” from Donkey Kong Returns.)

Stage 7: Marshmallow Mayans

Mission: Locate the Crystal Marshmallow.

Act 1

The pirates began to cross the pier- WAIT!, but Kirie ran back and glided to a small platform just off the pier, grabbing a Gold Wonka Bar. “Hooray for collectables behind the starting point.” Aurora remarked. The team proceeded to the shore and followed a trail between some ruins. They stepped on some panel traps that launched darts from the sides, but they only dealt a little damage, so it was no big deal. They reached a short pit with a fallen totem and dropped down, seeing their next path was on a cliff on the left. They spotted a large marshmallow like the one from Mountain of Flavors, but when they tried to take it, a large stone tiki pulled it in with his tongue. “Hey, give it back!” Aurora yelled.

“NO! You want Fun-Fun, you bring Gum-Gum. You got that, Dum-Dum?”

“Well, we got Sheila, she’s close enough.” Harry said.

“Not Gum-Gum Fruit! Good ol’ fashion Gum-Gum! Okay, Dum-Dum?”

“You Dum-Dum.” Harry glared. The 11 searched the area and found a small, narrow tunnel with a bottomless pit, and a platform with gum on a pedestal on the other side. Sheila was about to Wall Jump, but Kirie stopped her and indicated the holes on the ceiling, meant to shoot darts if Sheila kicked off a panel. For that reason, Kirie decided to go herself. She slipped her shoes off and Wall Jumped across, the panels gone unpressed under her light feet. She retrieved the gum and jumped back so they could slip the gum in the tiki’s mouth.

The stone idol chewed before blowing a great big bubble, and the kids watched as he flew very high into the sky. The Mega Marshmallow was left behind, but the kids kept watching as he shrank into a tiny dot, then vanished. “…He’s not coming back.” Haylee said.

“Farewell, Dum-Dum.” Harry said.

The crew rolled the marshmallow under the ledge and used it to bounce up. They came to another pit with the next path directly across, and a barren tree on the left that stretched a limb above the middle. The group dropped down in the pit and found another large marshmallow in the enclosing behind the tree. However, it was smaller than the other, light enough to pick up. Sheila tried to bounce on it, but it was far too weak. “Well, this mallow’s a little short-sighted.”

“That ones a Branchmallow, supposed to be sticky enough to hang from branches.” Haylee explained. “Of course, it helps to warm it up-”

“Done.” Chris set the marshmallow on fire, causing it to shrink and vanish. The nearby tiki spat out another one.

“-using… the local grill.” Haylee finished.

“They thought up everything, didn’t they?”

They saw a small grate in the ground on the right of the pit, with burning charcoals underneath. Sheila carried the Branchmallows and set it on to make it slightly melted. “Mmm, that smells good, actually!” Carol perked, deciding to have a bite. “Mmm…mmmmm?” Her mouth became clogged by the gooeyness.

“It’s supposed to be very sticky, too.” Haylee noted.

“Mmmmmm? Mmmmmm!!!”

“That should hopefully last a while.” Mason smirked.

Sheila tossed the Branchmallow up the stairs out of the pit, then hurled it onto the tree branch’s tip. Part of the marshmallow dripped down, dangling like a sticky rope, allowing the group to swing it and cross the pit, but their hands became a little sticky. Before they continued, Kirie noticed a ledge in the enclosing behind the tree and jumped over to grab another Gold Wonka Bar. Afterwards, they arrived at a piranha-filled river where marshmallows flowed down, lying on their sides. They each hopped on a marshmallow and had to balance on it like logs, rapidly rushing their feet to make it roll. Lockjaws circled them from below before jumping and attempting to snack them, so they had to maneuver around. They eventually flowed to a large waterfall and fell down, where they jumped off onto a safe ledge that led inside a temple.

They crossed the first path and reached a large gap where the river still flowed with marshmallows. The next ledge was too high to ride the marshmallows to, and while there was room underneath, a wall would block them ahead while letting the marshmallows flow under. “Hey, you!” yelled a wall tiki on the right of the gap. “You want cross Chum-Chum, you bring Gum-Gum! Am I done-done?”

“I wish.” Harry said. They noticed a gum piece on a small platform on the bottom of the wall beneath the next foothold. Sheila just had to balance the floating marshmallows, grab the gum, and jump back. She tossed the gum into the tiki’s mouth, letting it chew and release bubblegum balls which they used to bounce up. From there, they overlooked a wider part of the river where the marshmallows ended up sinking down whirlpools. There was a vine wall along their left they could use to climb to the path on the other side, but they noticed a Branchmallow hanging from a stalactite above the center of the river. Sheila threw a Light Sphere and made it drop, then quickly glided over to land and balance it across the river, navigating the whirlpools.

The others climbed across the vine wall and met up with Sheila on the safe ledge. She picked the Branchmallow up and carried it into the next cave, which became a long tunnel with several platforms leading to higher ground. A group of Ice Cream Men came flying in on jetpacks, aiming to shoot the captain. Chris blocked their ice creams with fireballs as Sheila ran ahead, tossing the Branchmallow onto each individual platform to take it higher. Two more Ice Cream Men attempted to blast Sheila, but Kirie jumped between them, kicked them to make them turn, and tricked them to shoot each other.

Sheila made it to the end of the tunnel and reached an outside area. She set the Branchmallow on a grill before throwing it onto a branch to swing across a pit. The others caught up after defeating the Ice Cream Men and swung to the next foothold. However, there was already another branch, so they followed the path on the left of this ledge to find a solution. They stood on a slightly high ledge over a river where a plesiosaur floated, and a Branchmallow sat on a platform on the other side. They would need to ride the plesiosaur and carry the marshmallow to throw it onto their foothold, otherwise they couldn’t push it up from the water.

“Carol, lure the plesiosaur over with your money.” Artie told her.

“Mmm. Mmm-mmmmm mm.” She indicated her still-glued mouth and shook her head.

“Come on, Carol, just do it.” Mason sighed.

“Mmm-mmmmm…” She insisted.

“Sigh, fine, I’ll get it off.” He was about to take the marshmallow off, but-

“MMM!” Carol stopped him. “Mmm-mmm mmm-mmm, mmmmmm-mmm.” Her eyes furrowed.

“What?!”

“Mmm-mmmmmm-mm.” She looked smugly.

“Siiiigh. Fine.” With that, Mason pressed his lips against hers and tried to eat the squished marshmallow off. However, his lips ended up stuck, and both of theirs were forced together. Carol closed her eyes and wrapped arms around Mason. A dim light shone on them as they engaged in the most romantic kiss of, er, Carol’s life.

“Ugh.” Chris tossed a fireball and burned the goo off.

“YOOOOOOWWW!” They frantically brushed the flames off their lips.

“Aaaaahhhh! My lips!” Carol whined. “Do you know how much gloss it’ll take to repair this damage?? My place as Little Miss Earth is RUINED!”

“You’re rich, buy a new pair. But first, buy us a way to get that marshmallow.”

“Uuuugh.” Carol tied a dollar bundle to Chris’s fishing rod and held it out to attract the plesiosaur. His eyes becoming dollar signs, the dinosaur floated over to collect his dough, but Carol hopped on his head and dangled the dollars in front to make him float to the other side. Sheila hopped on his back and rode along as they made it to the Branchmallow, and she grabbed the sweet before Carol made the dino turn back. Sheila tossed the Branchmallow onto their ledge, and they melted it using the nearby grill before tossing it onto the branch. But before they left, Carol decided to give the plesiosaur her dollars. It quickly swam off to go on a vacation to Cancun.

They swung the next pit and followed a narrow path through more ruins. Their road became blocked by a huge stone wall, which Sheila couldn’t bust down with her fists. She spun both rapidly and slammed the wall with all her force, but no luck. “Sigh… these Mayans knew ‘ow ta build stuff.”

“You could probably break it down using the Solar Fists.” Artie mentioned. “But we need sunlight.”

They noticed a ray of sun shining overhead, beaming perfectly between the wall and a totem. “Gimme those, eh?” Sheila took the Solar Fists and Wall Jumped between the structures. She planted her feet against both and raised her fists to catch the sun beam. They brimmed with energy before the sunbeam vanished, so she dropped down and spun her fists again. Fueled with even more power, Sheila threw her double punch and SMASHED down the entire wall.

They were given view of a barren area of land, which rested a gray pyramid-like temple with a steep stairway leading to its entrance. They hurried across and entered this temple, appearing upon a ledge over a dark chasm with a giant tilting table, which they could move around using a control panel and navigate four different-colored gumballs. There were four Tongue Ones at different ends, so they navigated the balls to the Tongue Ones of the right color. Once all were in, they said in a creepy eerie tone, “THAAAAANK YOOOOU.”

A bridge opened that allowed the 11 to cross to the parallel ledge. They entered a room with a huge golem that stretched up several floors. They walked down the small staircase and examined the room curiously.

“Y’all stop all that stuff for ‘second.” (End song.)

The group gasped and looked at the very stop of the statue. Looking down at them was a little African-American baby with a black afro. “It’s Rallo.” Harry remembered.

“Yo yo, if it ain’t little Raccoon Pirates!” Rallo exclaimed, crossing his arms. “Wassup, what’s down, answer’s me, then is GROUND!”

“Is THAT supposed to be your rap?”

“Man, mah rap’s the kicks, yo, and that is no jo’, I’m gonna squish you around in case you don’t know. BEHO’!” Rallo ripped off his shirt and unveiled a boombox chest, as well as the boombox in his afro. (Play Hoodstomper’s Theme from Rayman 3.)

The stereos started blasting large soundwaves that made the giant statue squat up and down with the beat. “Wh…What’s happening?” Aurora cried as she and the crew began to dance as well.

“The Boom-Boom Fruit is what I ate, y’all nosey kids just took the bait, combined with my musicbending’s make it extreme, now just SIT back and dance to this li’l thing!”

The stone golem began to stomp its feet with the beat, the kids unable to move and feel the heat. Aurora tried to dodge, but came golem’s foot, smashin’ her to the wall before the others got the boot. “See, none here can resist this beat, not even Stoney can keep from movin’ ’is feet. He ain’t been animated for oh-so very long, let ‘im crush with his power, so big and very strong.”

Chris and Sheila tossed flame and Light Spheres, but their dancing prevented them from mustering enough strength, so the golem kicked them away. Kirie was being more nimble while following with the beats, but Rallo still had control and stopped her from evading its kick.

“This be gettin’ old, you ain’t puttin’ up no fight, now get ready to get squished under all this might.”

The golem approached the grounded Sheila and Chris and threatened to squish them. But- “Yo, now let a brothuh sing it.” (Pause song.)

“WHAT??” Rallo stopped and noticed Harry was back atop the stairs. He wore sunglasses and danced his way down. (Resume.)

“Y’all beats are sick, I mean where’s the kick? I’d much rather McGarfield than your steps I would lick.”

“Yo, stow that tone and pay more respect! To this lovuh who’ll squish you with his intellect!” Rallo rapped back.

“Intellect that’ll make me laugh; you dunno 2+2, that’s how good you math. How many numbers, that’s my question for you. One two five six ten, that’s all you do.”

Rallo furiously tried to stomp Sheila and Chris with the golem, but thanks to Harry’s rhythm, they could dodge away. He tried to stomp Sheila again, but she flipped away, shot a Light Sphere that bounced up the room, and bonked Rallo in the head.

“I may be little, but I got big galoots. Women’ll see this and be all the hoots. Don’tchu talk smack to me with that so-called game. I’m ’bout to make you feel the shame!”

“You say you got game, but I ain’t see none.” Harry countered. “You ain’t winnin’ any women today, Hon. Yo’ style is cheap, you got no dig. Sheila, hop up there and punch that fig’.”

Sheila gripped the golem’s side and climbed up to the head. She still squatted with the beat as she and Rallo faced, running up to throw punches, but hey, no vase. Rallo still blocked them, he’s still in control, now he blasted sonic waves and made her pay the toll. Back to the bottom, off she blows, almost getting squished, but Mason takes and goes.

“Don’t you see, didn’t count on this.” Harry rapped. “You had a rap planned out for this little bit. But YOU ain’t count on ’nothuh musician in crew. This little homie gonna see that you’re through.”

“Yo, STOP that biz, this against the rules! Admins look down on this, it puts them in blues!”

“Yo, BOP their rules, ’cause this is really cool! They got a problem, well I’ll take ’em to school. Mr. Harry in the house, homework is due. Any Eliminators, let me tell ya, buff you!”

The Raccoon Pirates swiftly dodged the golem’s feet, as Rallo’s beats were breaking. Knowing he was faltering, his glands were leaking. “Y’all, I think Rallo knows it well enough. Artie, go on and show ’im the stuff.”

“Yo yo dog, I got the goods, now ol’ Artie is in the hood.” Artie sang, pulling out the metal gloves. “Sheila, wear these and be good to go, some sunlight up there, it’s bright ’cha know.”

Sheila danced over and slipped the gloves on, then hopped her way up stairs around the room. She took a mighty leap and raised her gloves to the hole where sunlight poured, and her fists felt fueled with power. She fell a little and kicked off the wall, aimed directly at the golem’s back. Spinning her fists, she ran up the back, leaped again once at the top, and PUNCHED the back of the head with all she got.

“WAAAAaaaahhh!” The head smashed through the wall and flew across the ruins with Rallo onboard. They smashed the front of a house, where Cleveland was ’bout to feel sore.

“No no no no NO NO!” Crash. “…Oh, hey Rallo.”

“Hello, Cleveland. Did Mama divorce you, yet?”

“Nnnnope!”

“Damn.”

The golem fell backward and smashed the wall down, and Harry stood where it stood with a victory pose. “ALL RIGHT, Harry!” Aurora exclaimed.

“Them’s the moves, Mate!” Sheila cheered.

“Word.” Harry said coolly.

“Um…can I have my glasses back?” Chris asked.

“Response.” He handed the sunglasses back. (End song.)

The crew walked up the fallen golem and entered the new passage which he broke down. “Soooo when were you gonna tell us you were a musicbender?” Artie asked.

“I’m not a musicbender, but I know how it works. Music is the only element that can be countered against the bender. I mean, you know rap battles, right?”

The temple began to get darker, and soon pitch-black once they reached the center. Chris and Aurora alit both hands to give everyone sight. “Whoooooaaaa!” What they saw astonished them: it was a large, red pyramid with Mayan symbols and designs around the sides.

“Holy Fritos… it’s a bloomin’ pyramid!” Sheila beamed. “A pyramid… inside a pyramid! Will adventures ever end??”

Haylee walked around the right with Chris providing her light. “Wait… this isn’t a pyramid. It’s a spaceship!” Indeed, the rest of the structure lay before them.

Sheila was quick to jump to the top of the cockpit. “Oh my STREWTH! A real live ancient spaceship! How’s it fly, ya reckon!” She dropped inside.

The others quickly went in after her to see her touching random things. “Sheila, stop!” Haylee smacked her hand away from a lever. “We don’t know what any of these things do. So don’t touch anything.” With that, she sat on the control panel. “WAH!” She pressed a button that sparked everything to life, and the entrances sealed. The ancient vessel began to tremble as the temple’s roof opened, and the ship aimed to the sky. The engines brimmed to life and took off.

“Gulp… Well, there’s no turning back now.” Chris gulped as they all took a seat.

“I wonder where it’s flying…” Haylee spoke.

“Hehehehe!” Sheila could barely remain still in her seat. “We’re in a real live spaceship!” And with a huge breath, she screamed to the stars, “THIS IS THE GREATEST ADVENTURE EVERRRR!”

Five hours later… (Play the World Map Theme from Pikmin 3.)

The ship flew for five hours and didn’t stop. The crew had fallen asleep at this point, in which Carol was leaning on Mason. They didn’t notice as they flew to a vast, red planet, where the vessel took land on its own. The tremor startled them awake, and they approached the windshield to view their destination. “Whoooaaa…” They were taken aback by all the red… and also… white?

“It’s…It’s Mars!” Haylee beamed. “And check it out, it’s…” A plain of giant marshmallows lay before them, “MarsMALLOOOWS!”

“So they were real after all.” Harry said.

The crew found some air helmets in a chest and each put one on. They stepped out onto the blood-red landscape and viewed the sea of white, squishy delicacies. “I don’t believe it, mates…” Sheila spoke with shock. “Who knew our adventures… would take us to another planet.”

“But we go to other planets all the time, Sheila.” Aurora reminded.

“Those don’t count, mates. Not every bloke has a spaceship that travels a million light-years an hour. This is the work of ancient technology… how folks got around… before we had all our crazy whozits. This is how real adventures should be had. For the first time in my life… I feel complete.”

“Soooo you wanna stop adventuring right here?” Harry asked.

“HECK no! We’re just getting started! Let’s see what this planet HAAAAS!” She leaped forward and far with the low gravity.

“Well, clearly marshmallows!” Aurora laughed.

Act 2: Mars

The pirates freely hopped the red expanse, bouncing off the giant marshmallows for an extra boost. They came to a wide trench with large marshmallows stuck at different parts on either side, lined up so they would have to bounce from the left side, to the right, and repeat until they made it across, which wouldn’t be possible without the low gravity. They entered a plain with many tall, thin poles with platforms on top. They rolled a Mega Marshmallow to the shortest platform and used it to bounce up, and from there, gravity-leaped to all the taller, scattered platforms. They made it to another set of platforms that led over a chasm, eventually leading to new ground.

The red plain became pretty straightforward, so they hopped forward and freely. The light weight was such a wonderful and unreal feeling. They’ve been to space a hundred times, but it’s never felt so new. They’ve never gotten to any planet without using their 4x4-technology, so it felt like a whole new experience. The pretty stars that glittered in the heavens, marshmallows floating in the air, other planets off in the distance. They don’t think they’ve truly noticed how pretty space was until now. Maybe Sheila was right.

The crew made it to a wide, gaping circular pit with several floors. There were marshmallows glowing, and also interesting crystals with marshmallows in them. “…Look!” Haylee exclaimed, indicating a shiny crystal hovering over the middle of the chasm. “It’s the Crystal Marshmallow!”

“Euck… I can already feel my teeth cracking.” Haruka said.

The kids jumped down each floor until they reached the bottom, ready to take the glowing gem. However, the earth, er, Mars rumbled, and before their eyes, a huge green monster with a single eye shot up from the pit and snatched the crystal in its mouth, latching on the pit ledges with its many tentacles. “RAAAaaahhh!”

“Holy Armstrong! It’s an ALIEN!” Sheila exclaimed.

“Yah, and he ATE the Marshmallow!” Haylee informed.

“And I’m guessing he’s not getting toothache.” Carol noticed.

“Grrrr, I was gonna eat it.” Sheila cracked her knuckles. “YOU’LL PAY FOR THAT, GREEN BOYYYYY!” (Play Squizzard’s Theme (Normal + Fire Mario Version) from Mario Galaxy 2.)

Boss fight: Lord of the Marsh

Sheila tossed a barrage of Light Spheres at the Martian’s giant eye antenna, but its eye sunk in its body and revealed two smaller eye antennas. It used its spare tentacles to grab and throw rocks at the pirates, so they dodged as Mason and Haru tried to burp Gas Bombs at its head. It shielded its eyes from both theirs and Sheila’s attacks, and that’s when Artie remembered the crystalled marshmallows around the area. “Hey GREEDO, over here!” He clapped his hands above his head to draw its attention. He ran beside the crystals and tricked the Martian into throwing rocks at him, breaking the crystals and releasing Branchmallows.

Angered, the Martian began throwing exploding rocks, making little patches of scorched ground. The group exchanged ‘obvious’ glances as Sheila and Chris set the Branchmallows over to melt them. They tossed the sticky substances at the Martian’s antenna-eyes and stuck them on top. The Lord was forced to emerge its center eye, which still dodged Sheila’s punches by shifting left and right. The group dodged its bombs and made it destroy another crystal that released a Mega Marshmallow. Sheila bounced high above the green alien as its eye faced directly upward. The raccoon spun and SMASHED its eye with a Ground Pound, then bounced back to the foothold.

The Martian climbed higher and gripped its tentacles on the second floor’s edges. They used the Mega Marshmallow to bounce up there as the Martian shook off the Branchmallows on its eyes. The alien shook furiously and caused red water to rise up from below. A bunch of marshmallows floated up with it, so the group hopped on some and balanced. The Martian Lord opened its mouth and tried to suck them in with the water flow, but Kirie tossed her fan to stick his uvula with its tip. The alien shut its mouth and resisted the urge to barf, smashing his tentacles against the water and flinging them upward.

They noticed the tiki faces in the walls, holding their mouths open, so Sheila punched the floating marshmallows to the mouths and let them chew. The tikis blew large white bubblegums from the marshmallows which the kids could balance on. They made the bubbles drift to the small antenna eyes and pop on them, blinding the creature again. It revealed its large eye again as Sheila bounced on another marshmallow gum and floated higher. She got above the eye again and smashed with a Ground Pound, making it tear.

The Martian climbed higher and caused part of the wall to crumble, revealing a jagged underside which they could climb up. They reached the top of the pit where the Martian grabbed acid-covered rocks from below and tossed them at the pirates. When he grabbed the rocks, Chris and Aurora easily tossed fireballs and made the acid explode.

Artie felt a light sparkle off his helmet and looked behind to see the sun rising in the distance. “Hey guys, look, the sun! Sheila, put on your gloves!”

She slipped the Solar Gloves on and aimed the panels at the sun. It was much farther away than Earth, so they took longer to charge up. “Sheila, watch out!” At Mason’s cue, Sheila jumped around to avoid the Martian’s rocks. To lure it away, Carol ran around the back and wagged her dollar bundle in the air.

“Finished!” Sheila exclaimed. “Kirie, give me a boost!” The Beatles girl held her hands open to let Sheila hop on them and jump higher. “Mason, you too!” Mason hopped off Kirie as well, grabbed Sheila’s tail, and began to spin her around while she held her fists together. Their combined light brimmed even stronger, and from the others’ view, it seemed like a mini comet was rushing around them.

Carol smiled as the Martian took her dollars, beginning to count the amount. He wanted to make sure he had enough for contact lenses. But sadly, that day would not come as Mason hurled Sheila above the monster with her fists as bright as the sun. “Double Sun COMET!” She flew down like a meteor and PIERCED the Martian’s eye.

“Raaaaahhh!” He puked the Crystal Marshmallow straight out as Sheila hopped back to the ground. The blinded alien cried as it sunk back into its flooded chasm.

“Thus, another leg of my adventure complete.” Sheila smirked, leaning against the crystal.

“We know someone’s not gonna be around to SEE it!” Artie exclaimed.

“OH, ARTIE.” They all face-palmed. (End song.)

The Solar Gloves smoked with overheat, and almost instantly, they fell to pieces. “…Heh… kinda figured that might happen.” Artie blushed.

“Eh, they were gettin’ sweaty, anyway.” Sheila replied. “Let’s just get this baby home.”

“Stop! Unhand that!”

The operatives about-faced. A band of grey-skinned humanoids surrounded them. They were thin and slightly shriveled, wearing Native American-like tribal wear and antennas with large feathers of various colors. “Whoa!” Haylee gasped. “Are you… the Martians?!”

“No. We are the Mayatians.” said a man with large blue feathers. “I am the chief, Singing Wind. You Earthlings attacked our god. You’ll go nowhere with our sacred relic!”

“Hey, your god attacked us first. We earned that relic.”

“NO! You humans are thieves! You’ve come here on a Marshan-made spaceship to steal our treasure! A spaceship you most likely stole.”

“We didn’t steal it, we found it in the Mayan ruins.” Chris told them. “We activated it, and it took us to this planet on its own.”

“The Mayans?” exclaimed another. “Could it be the legendary Cosmic Wonder that voyaged to Earth 5,000 years ago?”

“Now that I think about it, it did look kinda ancient.” another one spoke.

“Our ancestors interacted with the Mayans ages ago and bestowed onto them their marshmallows. The Mayans honored our ancestors with feasts, but when they heard of our sacred Crystal Marshmallow, the ship’s crew was never heard from again. We believed the Mayans tried to decipher the ship’s functions, but never could.”

“Well, it was sitting in the temple for a reason.” Haylee mentioned. “I can’t really confirm what happened… but the ship does have a lot of ancient writing on it. I don’t suppose any of you…”

“As it happens, I have a minor’s in Ancient Mayatian. I suppose I could give it a whirl.”

The crew led them all back to the ship. The chief began to read the inscriptions along the stairs. “‘To our friends, descendants, or whoever may find this vessel. The Mayans have tried their best to defend us, but the evil human forces proved too strong. They request us to keep our relic safe from an evil known as the Linlin Family. I fear that these monsters may overpower us before we have a chance to analyze them. However, the Mayans wanted us, and any others of the future to know, they had a terrifying vision, that Doomsday would befall the worlds in Earth Year 2032.’”

“2032?” Sheila spoke. “Why does that year sound awfully familiar?…”

“Because THAT year is THIS year!” Haylee exclaimed.

“Are you kidding?” Dillon asked. “There was already the phony ‘Doomsday’ in 2012, but THAT never happened.”

“But isn’t that when Arceus destroyed the world?” Haruka asked.

“Well, YEAH, but our parents fixed it! It’s probably nothin’.”

The group became so quiet, they could hear a cricket’s chirp all the way from Earth. “At any rate… just who are you humans?” Singing Wind asked.

“We’re the Raccoon Pirates.” responded Sheila. “And we seek nothing but adventures. And historical priceless relics. But we ’ave NOTHING to do with those bloody Linlin blokes.”

“You don’t?”

“Yeah. Those bad humans that attacked your ancestors?” Chris began. “They’re probably related to Charlotte Linlin, an evil pirate who kidnapped our friend. She’s our enemy, too.”

“And if we didn’t come for this marshmallow, THEY would’ve come their selves.” Haylee followed. “And trust me, I don’t think they’d be as merciful.”

“But trust us, we’re on a journey to defeat them.” Aurora assured. “We’ll stop them from ever attacking you. But you can only be safe if you let us take the Crystal Marshmallow. If they know we have it, they won’t focus on you and go for us. Okay?”

“Trust our sacred relic to a bunch of aliens? I dunno…”

“If your ancestors trusted the Mayans, you can trust us.” Chris assured.

“Yeh!” Sheila smirked as she got to her knees and held her fist out to the leader. “Let it be a captain’s oath! We’ll thrash these drongos and bring yer relic right back! You c’n count on us…”

“…” The leader shrugged and touched his fist to Sheila’s knuckle. “I suppose… if we could rely on you humans before.”

“But to make up for beating your god, go buy yourselves something nice.” Carol dropped a dollar bundle.

The chief picked it up. “Earth currency? A priceless treasure indeed. And to think we were planning to execute you. Boys, haul the execution bead back to the storage.”

A group of Mayatians struggled to pull a cart with an enormous diamond. “Uh…that’s your execution device?” Haylee asked, while Carol was left agape.

“Indeed. Legend says it fell to this world from the Bermuda Tetrahedron. It was a sign from the gods to use it in glorious execution.”

“Uh…yeah.” Carol replied. They could be richer than me if they sold that!

The crew climbed inside the ship and activated it for takeoff. “So how’s this crystal work exactly, we just break it and then eat the Marshmallow?” Chris asked.

“Actually, I heard you hold it up to the sun so the crystal magnifies the rays and makes it extra spicy and squishy.” Haylee explained.

“But I thought we said we’d give it back.” Mason said.

“Yeh, but didn’t ’aylee say they just find another candy to take its form?” Sheila asked. “It’ll probably appear right back with them!”

“I know, but…” Haylee said doubtfully.

“Well, we’ll have to bake it in the cake, eventually.” Aurora figured. “We’ll be the first Kids Next Door in generations to taste it.”

“No we won’t, Mate.” Sheila reminded. “We’re not Kids Next Door right now. We’re pirates.” She made a smirk. “And that’s why… the Kids Next Door ain’t gettin’ a lick.”

Yeeeaaah Sheila’s kinda a traitor. X) So yeah, least interesting stage so far, but our KND throwback for this story was… Whatshisname from Bully Island. X) Also, told you Harry’s rapping was gonna be important! The “Mayatians” are the Martians from Futurama.

Chapter Text

…Naruto: Shippuden’s freakin’ epic.

Chapter 6: The First Explorer

Sunny Day

The skies were still filled with clouds as the Sunny Day sailed with weak winds at their back. The sun was setting, but they couldn’t embrace in its beauty with all the clouds blocking it. “I guess we aren’t lighting the marshmallow anytime soon…” Aurora figured.

“It’s probably not a good idea to do it early, anyway.” Haylee said. “They’re always the freshest from the oven.”

Mason looked at Sheila, who was happily relaxed on the keel as usual. He approached her with a worried look. “Sheila… why aren’t we letting the other Kids Next Door eat the cake, too?”

“I just told you, Mate: we’re pirates. We ain’t no affiliations with anyone. And we certainly ain’t lettin’ them lazy blokes ‘ave it after we busted our necks.”

“But we’re… basically going back to Kids Next Door after this. It’s just for the…”

“You’re living in the then and later, Mate. This is the now. And now… we’re wanted swabbies who grew tired of playin’ by everyone’s rules… and chose to live life on the sea.”

That was the cover they were using… but to Sheila, it was true. Mason knew that. This is what she always wanted, and it seemed like she didn’t want to go back to KND. And if she doesn’t… Mason didn’t know if he would follow.

“I guess we don’t have any news on the Sugary Wonders.” Haruka assumed.

“Well, I remember my mom talking about one of them.” Haylee said. “Mount Chocobo, where Henrietta took that bunny to be dipped in the chocolate. Back when she was still Heinrich, of course.”

“Oh yeah!” Artie perked. “Wasn’t that jungle connected to Gallagher’s playground? We’ll just sail home and find it easy!”

“Better eat a snack, first.” Harry remarked.

“That’s not exactly how it worked.” Haylee informed. “Mt. Chocobo actually exists on an island that’s constantly moving. It collided with Virginia’s shore and its jungle spread to the playground. But when it’s ready to move again, the volcano’s altar crumbles to destroy anyone remaining. But it gets reformed from the cooling chocolate.”

“Kinda like a normal volcano, but much faster since it’s chocolate.” Artie commented.

“But is the Sugary Wonder the volcano itself?” Aurora asked.

“That… would be way too much chocolate. I’m not sure what the Wonder is.” Haylee said.

“It’s the bunny, of course.”

“Huh?” They raised a brow at Harry.

“Well, yeah. I mean, magical bunny that can repair things and heal people in the blink of an eye? Why else was Heinie after it.”

“That… actually makes sense!” Aurora beamed.

“But we STILL have no idea where the island is.” Haruka reminded. “It could be on the coast of Europe, and by the time we get there, it’ll be at Australia, and then Sugar Deserts!”

“I guess the only way to find it would be to just sail aimlessly.”

“Yeah, but that just works both ways. We’ll draw farther from it as a result.” Haylee replied.

“Doesn’t it leave any indications?” Mason asked.

“Well, the sea around it is always swallowed by chocolate from the volcano. But the range is still fairly short compared to the whole ocean. It’ll take us forever to find it.”

“Then our best choice is to just hunt the other Wonders and hope we stumble upon it.” Chris figured.

“Not like we aren’t having trouble with the others…” Aurora said doubtfully.

“At any rate,” Chris continued, “we need more food, ‘cause we can’t survive off candy forever. Wanna fish with me, Kir?”

Okay! I wanna catch little fishies for my tank! I’ll gain their love and respect, and THEN cook them to be food for my tummy!

“You enjoy that, Kir.” Chris smiled as they went to get their fishing rods.

Gallagher Elementary, 1^st grade homeroom; 3 days earlier

“Hurry up, Sammy! We promised the kids we would take them to the Candy Museum!”

“I’ll be there in a moment, Jessica! I still need to feed Mr. Fluffleupagus!”

The foreign man grabbed a carrot and dropped it in the fluffy white bunny’s cage. “Sammy- HAAAH!”

“Uck! For goodness sake, Jessica, I know I’m taking a while, but SCREAMING isn’t going to make me move faster!”

“Aye, but it would’ve saved ye the trouble.”

“Perhaps, but- Hm?… Ho!!” When Sammy turned, his stomach was immediately pierced by Black John’s fingers. He couldn’t speak before he fell over unconscious. With that, John stepped over his body and grinned maliciously at the terrified bunny. Mr. Fluffleupagus quivered as the pirate reached in to take him.

Sunny Day ; present time

An hour passed, and the Sunny kept sailing westward, with no actual idea where they were going. “Siiigh… I’m getting hungry. You catch anything yet, Chris?” Carol asked.

“Unless you mean another set of boots, then no, Carol.” Behind him was a pile of boots which he pulled from the ocean.

“Talk about a fishless sea.” Aurora said. “I half-expected Kirie to catch something by now.”

Chris spared her a glare. But out of the blue, he felt a force tug his lure. “Ha! Just for that, you ain’t gettin’ a piece, Aurora, ‘cause I got a BIG one!”

They looked over the edge as Chris’s line was following a giant silhouette in the ocean. (Play “The Tumbling” from Kingdom Hearts: Birth By Sleep.) Their eyes shot open when a gigantic, bluish-white swordfish, with an actual metal sword for a nose, flew over their ship and splashed in the sea, Chris’s lure coming loose in the process.

Sheila shot up from the sudden rocking of the boat. “What in blazes?!”

They looked where the swordfish landed and saw its top fin moving along the surface. “It’s a giant swordfish!!” Haylee exclaimed.

“Ho yeah!” Sheila grinned with excitement. “Let’s have some fun!”

Sub-boss: Great Marlin

Chris threw his lure out again in attempt to catch the fish. The Great Marlin caught it and began to zoom around again, and everyone pulled Chris in attempt to pull the marlin in. The swordfish came their way and swam under the boat, flipping its tail up to smack the side. They all screamed when the marlin leaped up from the other side and aimed to stab its sword through the deck. “HEEEEEE-YUH!!” Sheila was already down behind the ship, having charged a strong enough Light Fist to push their vessel away and avoid the swordfish. With that, she built speed in her legs to run across the water and return to the deck.

“That ain’t how ya do it, Mate!” Sheila informed, taking the fishing rod. “THIS is REAL fishing.” She launched the rod out herself, allowing the marlin to catch. Instead of pulling it in, Sheila slipped over the railing and gracefully skied across the waves. Sheila quickly felt the rush of excitement, the rush she’s been dying for this whole adventure. Her grip was firm on the rod as the marlin swam in all directions, performing many loops in attempt to shake her off. But Sheila had no desire to let go, and this whole event felt just like a game to her. Finally, the marlin jumped from the water and back in, flinging Sheila skyward in the process. She spun her tail to remain hovering as the marlin jumped right back, swordfirst, but Sheila spun her fist, grabbed the sword in her feet to run across, and PUNCHED the creature between the eyes.

He fell back in the sea as Sheila bounced back to her ship. They watched as the marlin stuck its sword above the surface and began to launch airwaves that struck the side of the ship. “Quick, get us outta here!” Artie yelled as Haylee rushed to the helm and tried to steer the ship away. When the marlin leaped above the waves, Sheila spun and launched the fishing lure to wrap around the base of its nose. Sheila was yanked off the deck when it splashed back down, then began skiing across the waves again. It flipped its tail up to send waves at the captain, but Sheila dodged left and right, reeling herself closer to the creature. The marlin swam further beneath the waves and pulled Sheila underwater. She still had a tight grip, but the swordfish turned around to face her directly.

The swordfish swam forward to pierce its passenger, but Sheila spun her right fist and punched the very tip of its sword straight up. She then spun her tail to start swimming around the beast and further tie it up. By the time it recovered, Sheila was firmly planted on its back, so the Great Marlin emerged above the waves and tried desperately to shake her off. Her friends watched this from the deck, and knew Sheila wasn’t getting off so soon. When Sheila set her behind on an animal’s back, she never got off until she was ready. Back when they were tiny, Mason still remembered how she tamed a fly. So watching this little endeavor made him laugh.

And she just wouldn’t let go no matter how much the beast shook. But it was then she noticed something peculiar on its left side. It appeared to be the end of a harpoon, one that’s been there for yonks. She immediately knew what she had to do: Sheila raised her right foot and spun it rapidly, building another charge of light. Finally, she slammed it powerfully against the marlin’s right, and the harpoon came flying out. (End song.)

The marlin’s blood-red eyes faded to an ocean-blue. It relaxed in the gentle waves as all its pain flowed away. Sheila lied on the monster’s back and patted its side. “That oughta feel better, don’t it, Mate?”

The crew smiled as Sheila rode back to the ship on the monster’s back. “I call this beastie here Marilyn! Yep, this bloke here’s a girl. No questionin’.”

“Well, I ain’t looking at its bottom.” Artie stated.

“She ain’t no beastie.” Sheila patted her again. “She just afraid of people stabbin’ her with stuff. Guess she’s only used to those of her kind, hehe.”

The swordfish lifted its blade to the deck so Sheila could walk up, untying the fishing lure. “Well, now that you’re ‘ere, maybe you c’n help us. Ever heard of Mt. Chocobo?” She grabbed a chocolate bar from her pocket and stuck it on the sword’s tip.

The fish lowered and studied the treat before going underneath and bouncing the ship up with its sword. Marilyn flipped and sent the crew flying with her tail. “WAAAAAAAAHHH!”

Many nautical miles later

“Ohhhh…” The kids were all knocked out after the ship’s landing. They awoke to find a peaceful blue night sky above their heads. The marlin probably flung them far, far away from the clouds.

“Ahhhh… Mari sure knows… how ta have a good time, eh?” Sheila spoke.

“Why did you have that… chocolate in your pocket, anyway?” Mason asked groggily.

“I meant ta eat it… a few days ago, but I got sidetracked.”

“Sure made me hungry, though.” Haylee groaned. “I want chocolate so bad, I can smell it.”

“Me too…” Harry followed.

“…??” They all got to their feet, hearing a strange rumbling, the same scent of chocolate in all their noses. They looked over the edge, finding their boat sailing across a sea of chocolate.

“Hey, it’s…it’s chocolate!” Haylee confirmed.

“Hot, melted chocolate…” The sight made Harry’s stomach shrink. “Man, what I’d give for some of that stuff.”

“Then why just stare at it!” Carol beamed as she climbed down. “An ocean of chocolate is a rich person’s pool, so count yourself lucky!” She reached down to touch the substance.

“No, Carol!” Haylee pulled her up. “It chocolatifies any soft matter it touches, you’ll lose your hand!”

“Oh… Well, I’m not the type to be wearing a sweaty hook hand.”

“Our ship should be safe since it’s hard matter, but I’m not sure what’ll happen if it’s in long enough, so let’s hope we’re done quick.”

“LAAAAND HOOOOO!” At Sheila’s cry, they already knew: Chocolate Island was dead ahead.

The crew sailed along a river through the island and docked there, so their ship wouldn’t be lost if the island started moving. As expected, Sheila was first to set foot on the shrub-filled island, and looked just as excited as ever. Chocolate Island looked more green than brown, and resembled your everyday jungle island. But the soil beneath their feet could be no other substance, and the air reeked with the luscious candy. “The best part of comin’ to a new place… is the lovely stench.” Sheila whiffed.

“All of these plants here are actually candies of different flavors!” Haylee explained. “The chocolate soil helps them grow.”

“Ahhhh, what will the miracles of science give us next?” Chris joked.

Across the distance, a faint sound fell in Sheila’s sensitive ears: the continuous pounding of drums. “Oi, bonkers! Someone must be having a rock concert up there!”

They all faced the distant volcano as smoke emerged. “It’s a ceremony…” Haylee spoke grimly.

“You mean…” Harry replied.

“Yep. It’s begun.”

“Not for long.” Sheila fist-palmed. “I wanna piece o’ that bunny, TOO!”

“SHEILAAA!” they screamed.

“Okay, okay, I guess we should save it. Let’s go, crew!” (Play “Kelp Forest” from SpongeBob: Battle For Bikini Bottom.)

Stage 8: Chocolate Island

Mission: Rescue Mr. Fluffleupagus.

The team cut through shrubs as M. Bushes awoke to attack them. Chris and Aurora set fire to the venomous plants before they arrived at an open area, where Spear Guys danced to the stage’s music. After spotting the pirates, they hurled their spears and stuck them to the ground by their shoes. They grabbed other spears and ran forward to stab them, but the pirates pulled the spears out and clashed with the Shy Guys. Harry kicked several in the face before the Shy Guys wept and cowered away. They dashed up a hill and bounced a series of large marshmallows across a chocolate river. The pirates bounced after them and landed on a new path.

They stepped up a hill to another open area where Minkeys hung from trees by their tails. They hurled chocolate rocks (far as you know) that the kids quickly dodged, while Chris and Aurora tossed fireballs at them. When Chris dodged one of their rocks- “Whoa!” he stepped onto one of many dirt patches on the ground, falling in a pit, but gripping the ledge as he looked into a flow of choco-lava (which they’ll call java). Mason and Dillon also slipped into pits, but recovered in time. Haruka decided to send poison gas to the air and make the remaining Minkeys drop into pits. By that time, only one pit remained covered, so they decided to break it and found a safe ground with a Gold Wonka. Kirie dropped in to grab it before they continued.

They followed a wide pathway with a few fallen choco-trees and shrubs. Candy Bandits ambushed from behind and ran at them with candy swords. One of them swung at Chris, but he gripped the sword and flipped forward to kick him in the face. Two more stared at Artie confusedly as he danced with the music, while Harry snuck behind, stuck his earbuds in both their ears, and turned up the music to make them hurt, then leapt overhead to kick them in the craniums. Mason and Haru kept guard as three more approached them, but Sheila dropped from above, punched one in the head, and kicked away the others. One of them fell before a bundle of dollars on the ground, a smile on his face as he aimed to buy pretty rings. However, Carol smashed the back of his head with the heel of her high-heel.

“Wait, these were Henrietta’s henchmen!” Haylee recognized. “When she was still… Heinrich.”

“You don’t think…” Harry spoke.

The path made a left turn as the group had to swing a series of Fruit Roll-up vines over a java river, where chocolate fish called Cocoas leaped up between the vines to catch prey. They reached an area beneath a cliffside, with a couple torches lighting the ground. Short, colorful, Mexican skeletons, called Mariachis, danced to a Sombrero Guy’s tunes. The Mariachis began leaping around the area while throwing bones at the pirates, and Harry dodged one before hurling CDs like shurikens at it. “Oh, why am I doing that?” he questioned. Sheila ran to punch the Sombrero Guy, but it hopped onto a safe foothold along the cliff. The team kept trying to catch the skeletons, but remained untouchable with the Sombrero’s music.

Sheila climbed onto a ledge on the left, and from there jumped to the Sombrero Guy’s platform, only for him to jump to the previous ledge. Sheila kept trying to catch him, but he alternated between the left ledge, platform, and lower ground. For that reason, Dillon stood in one of the torch’s light to stretch his shadow to where the Sombrero Guy jumps. When the Shy Guy landed there again, he was trapped in Dillon’s Shadow Possession, allowing the boy to Shadow Strangle and defeat him. The Mariachis had no motivation to dance, so Sheila sent two’s heads flying with punches, and Chris and Aurora wiped out the others.

With that, they all gathered on the left ledge, where a carved path seemed to lead directly up the cliff. “Any candy that lets us defy the laws of gravity?” Haruka asked.

“Well, this does.” Haylee replied, finding a plant that resembled Ringpops. “You stick these in your mouth and keep sucking, and the sooper sour taste gives you the momentum to run across walls.”

“Ehhh, suck on ‘em yourself.” Sheila stated, facing the slope directly. “Ah’m a Mobian, gravity defiance is mah middle name.” And with that, she dashed directly up, not stopping for a second. The path went rightward, so Sheila made a careful turn, rushing high above the jungle. She came to a javafall that had a gap behind it, and would cause her to slip, but a marshmallow fell down that she jumped to, bounced off, and got back on track. The path became wider as Sheila had to sidestep to avoid spiky candycanes. The path turned left and brought Sheila to the top of the cliff. She caught her breath and tapped her foot impatiently, waiting for all her crewmates to finally make it. “Oi, what took you cobbers so long?”

“Not everyone has the Mobian genetics, Sheila.” Mason said as they gasped for breath, having to constantly suck a Ringpop while they ran.

They stepped up to another open area, where two children appeared unconscious in the center, a boy and girl. They were about 7, and their clothes were torn, bruises on their skin. “Hey… I know these kids.” Haylee spoke. “They’re Jessie and Sandy, from the First Grade Hallway.”

“You mean at school?” Artie asked.

“Jessie’s the First Grade President.” Harry mentioned.

“Yeah. And their dad’s the teacher, even.” Haylee followed.

“Hey, wake up!” Sheila kicked the kids’ bodies and shook them awake. “What ‘appened to you blokes?”

“Mmmmnnn…” The siblings moaned as they awakened. “What happened…” Sandy asked.

“We were asking you that!” Sheila yelled.

“Wait… you’re the fourth-graders from school!” Jessie recognized the Gilligans and Unos. He spoke with an Indian accent.

“Please, you have to help us!” Sandy proclaimed. “Mr. Fluffleupagus was captured!”

“We thought so…” Haylee replied. “But how’d you wind up out here?”

“The pirates broke into school and kidnapped him three days ago.” Jessie explained. “We stowed away on their ship and were brought to this island. They found us following them and left us out here.”

“You should’ve just called the Kids Next Door-” Mason was punched by Sheila.

“You know them blokes couldn’t do anything. Mates, we’ll get your bunny back.” she assured. “Just follow our lead!”

“Actually, our mom told us about a shortcut to the volcano!” Sandy replied. “When she first came here!”

“Follow us, we’ll take you!” Jessie said.

The kids hurried up the path as the pirates followed. They crossed a bridge over a java river as Sandy scraped her hands across the bridge’s rope, snapping strings as logs swung down and nearly hit the pirates, but they ducked. “Hey, watch it!!” Chris yelled.

“Sorry! I’m always afraid of falling.”

They made it to another path where the first-graders carefreely hopped across tree-stumps. Arrow Guys rose behind bushes near those stumps and shot arrows at the pirates, but Kirie tossed fans and countered the arrows, then flew over to kick the Shy Guys in the face. They followed the kids up a staircase overlooking a chocolate maelstrom, where marshmallows emerged and sunk in random areas. Jessie and Sandy grabbed a vine and swung across, but the vine broke once they made it. “Whoops! Sorry!” Sandy yelled. “You can bounce across those, right?”

“Yeh, yeh.” Sheila sighed. She bounced first across the marshmallows, having to glide to ones that were further away. The others followed more carefully since most of them couldn’t glide, very nervous about falling in the java. Carol slipped on her high-heels and nearly fell, but Mason’s marshmallow floated close to her and allowed him to pull her back up. They eventually made it across and followed the kids further through the jungle. They were led to a chocolate river that flowed to the waterfall above the cliffside from earlier. Just as well, Marshlogs flowed down, so the group had to hop on one and roll it upriver, since Jessie and Sandy took the only vines that snapped. (‘Course, the pirates didn’t notice the Mariachis cutting the vines after the children crossed.)

Cocoas leapt at them from the river, and chocolate spikeballs dropped down from above, forcing the crew to carefully navigate. They saw Jessie and Sandy already rushing through the jungle before the pirates could make it, and when they finally reached the path, Aurora called, “Hey, wait up!” They chased around several trees and shrubs, having to dodge Arrow Guys and kick away M. Bushes. They quickly skidded to a halt when they spotted the long, rickety bridge leading to Mt. Chocobo. Two Spitballosaurs stood guard before it, while a Footballosaur patrolled across the bridge itself. However, there were two torches on either side of the guards.

“I have an idea.” Dillon whispered, seeing the Footballosaur walking away from them. “Carol, distract ‘em.” The rich girl stepped forward and drew the Spitballers’ attention with money. She tossed the money between them on the bridge, and when they scrambled to grab it, Kirie quietly approached the closest one and performed the Vulcan Nerve Pinch, knocking him out, then throwing him over the edge. With the other bully still distracted, Dillon stood in a torch’s light and stretched his shadow across the bridge to catch the bully. He kept the bully in place as the Footballosaur approached, and when it was close, Dillon made the Spitballosaur tickle the Footballer. The buffer bully laughed hysterically, unable to defend as Sheila dashed over and punched him forcefully, afterwards knocking the Spitballer out.

They crossed the bridge and made it to the jungle at the volcano’s base. The jungle felt much darker, and a dead silence fell over the land. (Play the “Owl Lights” theme from Sonic Lost World.)

“Hooo…” The pirates flinched and hid beneath a tree. Standing on the volcano’s top was a gigantic, dark-blue Hootz, with eyes that shone like searchlights. He began searching the jungle for prey, and spotted a moving M. Bush. A swarm of smaller Hootz, with glowing red eyes, swooped down, grabbed the bush, and fed it to the larger owl. “Iiii… guess we don’t wanna get caught by that.” Aurora said.

“Better stay silent.” Dillon whispered. Kirie smiled and nodded.

While the owl skimmed a right part of the forest, the team followed a rightward path. They found an open area with many tall tree-stumps, crouching behind to avoid the owl’s vision. Mason tip-toed forward, but stepped on a twig and quickly zipped behind the stump before the Hootz looked. They hurried to a watery area, where a large log led across, with short walls they could hide behind. They could just swim across, but the splashing would draw the Hootz’s attention. It was still difficult to keep balance while hiding behind the walls when the owl looked their way anyway. They made it across okay and took cover beneath a short, climbable cliff.

There were two mirrors above the ledge that aimed down, allowing the owl to skim the cliff, his spotlight reflecting off the mirrors. There were stubs in the cliff they had to climb around, but wait for the Hootz’s spotlight to move away. They climbed onto a new, snaky path, leading toward the volcano, and some jagged rocks to hide behind. There were also Candy Bandits asleep in front of rocks, and twigs lying around that would awaken the bandits, or draw the owl’s attention if they were stepped on. Kirie gracefully jumped between the twigs on her tippy-toes, sneaking to the first bandit, forcing her arms over his mouth and nose until he fell unconscious.

The Silent Specialist kept this up and knocked out other bandits as the friends quietly crossed the path. It led to a dead end with a small fireplace, a slight wind blowing the smoke to the left. A bush of Fudgepuffsicles sat beside them, but the smoke was too thin to hide behind. So they grabbed a bunch of the twigs lying around and threw them onto the fire, creating a bigger line of smoke. Sheila, Mason, and some others ate the Puffsicles while Harry, Carol, and others rode on their friends. They kept behind the smoke and evaded the owl’s vision. A Gold Wonka Bar hovered slightly above them, so Kirie bounced on Dillon’s inflated body to grab it. They took safe land on another path, hiding from the Hootz beneath a short ledge.

The jungle ended as they made it to the volcano’s side, having to jump up a series of platforms over a flowing java river. They made it to a cave’s entrance, seeing the owl focused on a more distant area. “This cave should lead to the volcano’s altar.” Haylee whispered. “But where did those two kids go?”

The beating of drums sounded in their ears, but especially Sheila’s.

“Maybe they got captured.” Aurora said. “Let’s just get in quick, the ceremony’s starting. We have to save that bunny before they-” But already, Sheila was dashing up the volcano, straight to the Hootz. “Sheila, wait!! They probably have a lot of troops-”

“Huuuuu-YUH!!” The owl glared at Sheila, but she spun her fist and punched directly at its stomach. (End song.)

Mt. Chocobo Altar

Candy Bandits furiously pounded the drums and chanted the tune as Mr. Fluffleupagus lay trapped within the cage dangling from the rabbit statue’s hands. Maggie stood by the statue’s gears with Stewie by her side, while Black John Licorice glared at the rabbit. “So, Mr. Fluffleupagus, you thought you could be safe within the confines of a wee little school.”

“Waaaa!” the bunny yelled.

“But NO scallywag can avoid ‘is fate for long! And YER fate as a Sugary Wonder is ta bake in the cauldron of Mt. Chocobo, home of the warmest, purest chocolate in ALL the Seven Seas! And only the bunny with the holiest essence, ta heal any sort of matter, will grant the most satisfying taste, once chocolatified! Maggie: BEGIN the lowerin’!”

The bandits continued to chant as Maggie lowered the cage, the bunny screaming in fear. “HOOOOO!” The pirates gasped when their gigantic guard owl suddenly came flying to the altar, shaking the ground as it landed before the drums. Black John studied the owl as its feathers were ruffled, and blood leaked from its mouth.

“Oh, Anny! Me sweet Hootin’ Anny!” John cried. “What mangy bloke coulda done this??”

“HEEEEY!” They looked atop the crater’s walls as Sheila stood high on the other side. “No one starts a party wifout Sheila Frantic!”

“It be Sun-Fist Sheila! FIIIRE!!” The bandits took aim with lollipop machineguns. (Play “Can’t Escape, Fight!” (second part) from One Piece!)

“Ipe!” Sheila fell in and hovered halfway down before kicking her feet and beginning to run along the wall. The line of lolli-bullets followed her, but she focused straight forward as she made it to the side of the altar’s cliff. The Candy Bandits took aim and fired at Sheila, but she leaped overhead and dodged the bullets, kicking down at two bandits at once. More ran at her with swords, but Sheila swiftly spun and punched them all away. “WHOA!” She got trapped in an anti-gravity bubble, originating from Stewie’s ray gun.

“Well, look at that, Maggs: I shoot faster than the speed of light.” Stewie joked. “Alright, shoot her.”

Maggie cocked her gun and readied to shoot the raccoon. However, the other Raccoon Pirates came hurrying through the entrance behind the statue. “And my HAT moves faster than YOU!” Artie hurled his hat and bonked Stewie’s head, causing him to release Sheila and make Maggie miss.

“Haaaaa!” Mason ran for Stewie and leapt to throw a kick, but the baby fired his shrink ray and zapped him to one inch. “Eeek!”

“I’ve heard of small minds, but yours has to be smaller than my father’s after he drunk 10 beers and ran several red lights, resulting in a car wreck that got him sent to a coma, where the doctors injected him with…” Haruka quickly scooped Mason up and ran off, “um… something about… Huh, this joke is all over the place. Sigh, I should’ve just left it with ‘smaller than my father’s brain.’ Sigh, now I have to warp to this part in the time machine and tell this joke again.”

Carol and Kirie clashed with two bandits’ swords with their umbrella and fans before jumping up, kicking them in the face, and knocking them back. “HAAAAA!” At that instant, Jessie and Sandy ran at them with candycane knives, but Sheila defended her friends and kicked the two away. With that, Chris, Aurora, and Dillon hurried and looked over them.

“I thought something was fishy.” Dillon said.

“So these two were… assassins?!” Aurora questioned.

“Somethin’ ain’t hokey in the pokey.” Sheila replied.

“Maggie! Lower the cage, quickly!” John commanded.

The baby continued spinning the gears, and the fear returned to Fluffleupagus. Leave it alone!! Kirie flipped over and kicked Maggie away, then grabbed the handle to stop the cage’s descent. Chris then dropped onto the cage and lit a blowtorch on his finger to burn its lock.

“Hmph!” Stewie grabbed a rock, threw it above the cage, and quickly zapped it with a grow ray to make it into a boulder. Chris gasped at seeing the boulder, quickly jumping to punch it into the java. Stewie turned when Artie ran at him and started throwing punches, but Stewie was quick to defend as he back-flipped and threw a punch that sent Artie across the field.

“Ow! How does a baby hit that hard??” he questioned.

“When his mother hits as hard as she does.” he smirked. He grabbed another rock and threw it above Artie in attempt to re-expand.

“Not this time!” Haruka tossed the Mini Mason into the ray’s beam and re-expanded him instead, so Mason dropped and threw a cloud of gas over Stewie. The baby coughed and tried to fight his way out, but Aurora set the gas aflame and burned him.

“Mw-mw!” Maggie pushed Kirie away and shot the gears’ handle to make the cage drop completely.

“Chris!!” Aurora cried.

“What?” Their faces beamed when the Uno boy flew overhead with rocket feet, the bunny safely in his arms. Maggie glared and shot at the boy, but Chris threw the bunny to Carol and flew at Maggie. The baby swiftly dodged right and aimed to shoot him, but Dillon emerged from the ground in front of her and tackled her, throwing her against the wall.

Black John looked with worry as the kids defeated the last of the bandits. “It’s over, Black John!” Aurora declared as the 11 surrounded him. “You can’t take on all of us!”

“Aye. But maybe THEY can!” And with that, John ripped a dark hole in space, where a squad of Mariachis and ghosts emerged from beyond.

“Eeeeeee!” Sheila shuddered at the sight of the ghosts. “Wh-What are they??”

“Hee hee heeeee.” John grinned with malice as his right hand brimmed with darkness. “Feast yer eyes on me power: the Ghoul-Ghoul Fruit. My connection with the Underworld makes me the only vessel suitable for this cursed fruit. The ghouls of the Underworld heed to my every whim! And yers will soon JOIN!” He sent the ghouls to attack the kids as they tried to fight back.

Sheila instead ran for John, but- “Shave!” he warped behind and held his fingers ready. “Finger Pistol: Death Sentence!”

“Mmm!!” Sheila’s eyes widened when the fingers jabbed her rear.

“Ten to a Hundred YEARS!” And Sheila went flying away.

“Whoooaaa!” She regained composure and started running across the volcano’s wall, tossing Light Spheres at John. To counter, the ghoulish pirate tossed the many lollipops that were on his jacket. Sheila easily avoided and jumped directly at him from the other side of the pit. John jumped back as Sheila landed firmly, and the pirate tossed two lollies to pin her sandals down. She merely jumped from her sandals and threw rapid kicks at the pirate’s face before he zipped behind and punched her away. She got up and ran to throw quick punches that John countered, before he jumped away and launched a group of lollipops that pierced her left foot, right leg, left hip, right shoulder and arm, and left wrist.

“Sheila!” Aurora yelled before burning a Mariachi.

“Heh, heh…” Sheila gasped for breath before rapidly spinning her right fist. She ran forward and jumped to punch John’s face, but he dodged right, but Sheila swung her left foot to kick him anyway, causing the lollipop in her foot to be pushed further down. “Nnn!” She didn’t let the pain affect her as she kept her arm spinning, running for John, leaping overhead, and punching him in the back, sending him across the field.

“Heh!” John recovered and smirked at her again.

“Huff, huff…” Sheila spun her right arm again and faced directly at him. “This oughta finish it!” She ran forth, ready to deliver the blow.

“Oh yah?! Well, try and beat THIS!” He shielded himself with his jacket as all the rows of lollipops stood up and became spikes.

“!!” Mason gasped.

“Ay used these lollies to stop a bull! Surely a wee lass like you can’t breach!”

“Hrrrr!” Sheila still ran for him.

“It’s no use, Lassie! Yer best option is ta stop where ya stand! Go ahead! Stop!”

“Haaaaahhh!” Sheila leapt forward, and John only smirked as he raised the spikes fully. “YAH!! !” Her fist PIERCED through the spikes and punched John dead in the face.

“OH!!” Her friends gaped.

“ARRRRRRR!” John flew back with a look of shock on his bloody face. He landed and slid back, having nearly lost all consciousness. (End song.)

The lollipops on the part where Sheila punched were pierced through her hand as it began to bleed. She began to pluck all the spikes from her body as she gasped for breath. “You think… I’m gonna stop here?” She tossed the blood-soaked lollipops on the ground. “Only I decide… when ta stop.” She pulled the last one out of her foot. “Now’s not the time.” And with that, she faced Black John with a confident smirk. “And make sure your captain knows that, by the time I get ta Candy Island!”

“Hm hm hm!…” The others couldn’t help but smile at her spirit.

“Ahhhh, One Piece references.” Harry sighed.

As he lay there covered with soot, Stewie woke up with monstrous yellow eyes. “Rrrrrr!” The baby shot up and punched the ground, creating a shockwave that knocked everyone down. He zipped over to Carol, who still had the bunny, grabbed her, and tossed them both into the volcano. “Aaaahhh!”

“Carol!” Mason immediately jumped down after her, grabbed his friend, and tossed her and the bunny back up before splashing in the chocolate himself.

“MASON!!” Everyone looked over the edge with horror. The ripples formed by Mason’s splash began to fade away.

“HA HA haaaa! Poor wee runt, set to become some fat boy’s snack!” Black John laughed.

“Mason…” Carol sobbed helplessly, and spoke loudly. “He risked his life to save me! All because I couldn’t protect that bunny!” A sniffle. “What have I done to him?!”

Fluffleupagus started to feel guilty himself. If they weren’t all trying to protect him… no one would’ve suffered. With a serious look, the bunny dove headfirst into the molten java, much to everyone’s surprise. He glowed with a magic light that protected him within the chocolate pool. He saw Mason’s chocolatified body slowly sinking to the depths. He touched Mason with his light and sent him back to the surface.

Everyone watched as Mason flew out inside a ball of light. He took land on the ground as his chocolate body melted. He gasped awake, studying his restored flesh, still covered in chocolate. “Hey, I…I’m alive!”

“Oh, MASON!!” Carol immediately squeezed him in a hug. “Thank goodness you’re SAFE, I was so WORRIED!” As expected, he gasped for breath.

“But where’s…” Aurora spoke worriedly. At this, everyone looked back in the volcano as something floated to the surface. It was Mr. Fluffleupagus, completely chocolatified.

Black John sent a couple of ghosts to retrieve the bunny, and drop it in his hand. “Ha ha ha ha haaaa.” He grinned maniacally. “Mr. Fluffleupagus… how TASTY you look! Oh, how I’ve longed to feast on your flesh… but alas, you will be baked much more exquisitely!”

The volcano started to rumble as the rabbit statue cracked. “Ahhh, ’guess it’s time to leave.” John decided as his owl recovered, and he and the babies hopped on. “If we recover your chocolate corpses, we’ll be sure to have a victory snack!”

The kids quickly moved away before the statue crumbled completely. “We have to get out of here!” Aurora yelled.

“What about those kids?!” Mason yelled, pointing at Jessie and Sandy, still unconscious.

“Screw them, they tried to kill us!” Artie yelled.

“But why didn’t they take ’em with ’em??” Harry questioned.

“I dunno, but…” Before they knew it, the cave entrance crumbled, and there seemed to be no way out of there.

“’Guess our only choice is to hope we get chocolate powers…” Aurora said with doubt.

“WHOOA!” Dillon’s spot crumbled as he fell into the pit.

“Dillon!!”

But to their fortune, a series of licorice ropes launched down and grabbed them all, raising them to safety. Aurora ran to grab Jessie and Sandy before she was lifted. A colorful, candy-made helicopter soared away from the island, bringing the kids up to safety.

“That vas a close call.” said a tall, slim woman in an explorer’s uniform, her bright blonde hair blowing in the propeller’s wind. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah…” Aurora replied, still trying to relieve the fear as they pulled off the ropes. Their savior was squatted as she looked over the other side’s door. “Who are you?”

“You’ve all grown a lot since I last saw you. I couldn’t expect you to remember me. I am ze great explorer,” she turned and smiled with her beautiful, clear face and bright blue eyes, with a monocle over the left eye, “Henrietta von Marzipan.”

Candied Island; Big Mom’s Lair

“We have a report from John’s group, Ma.” spoke Nickel Joe as he flipped his favorite coin. “The capture of the Easter Bunny was a success. As was his chocolatification.”

“GOOOOOOD!” Big Mom drooled ravenously. “One of the Sugary Wonders is OUUUURS at last! I can’t wait to BAKE them aaaaall!”

“He also believes the Raccoon Pirates drowned in the volcano, but he escaped before he could confirm.”

“Meeeehhh… I doubt they would drown that easy. The Raccoon Pirates are a steadfast force. Which is why Augustus has hired new protection! SIR KNIGHTLY… step into my domain.”

A door creaked open on the left side, unveiling a long staircase. Victory fanfare started to play as a shining idol made his presence known atop the stairs. He was a gallant knight made of pots and pans, standing with the utmost pride. He marched down each stair slowly, with each step firm and true. No being ever looked more courageous, more resolute, more willing to get into action. But the discarded cupcake on a stair would impede his march.

“WAAAAH!” He slipped on the unseen hazard and painfully bounced down the flight of stairs. His covered body looked like a lifeless, metal doll as he bounced haphazardly, his limbs bending everywhere. The chamber echoed with the banging of metal until he finally landed on the bottom. Sir Knightly jumped to his feet with a proud solute. “SIR KNIGHTLY-SAAAAAN at your SERVICE, Sir! I shall smite all the baddies in your NAAAAME, and WHOOP-di-JOO!” He slipped, flew up, and landed on his back.

“…Well, they usually show potential in the end.” Joe grinned.

“I-I think I… hurt my ear.”

So yeah, this chapter is WAY late, and you can pick up the hints on how I rushed it. :P For example, no boss, I didn’t feel like a boss worked here anyway. So we meet Sammy and Jessica’s kids, we’re kinda gonna learn more about them next time. Anyway, next time, we will hunt for the next Wonder, and we’re actually halfway through since this is the 4^th. That’s why a little twist actually happens. :P Also, the Great Marlin is from Naruto: Shippuden.

Chapter Text

Ayyyye, welcome back. The story’s half done (sorta), so let’s hear a little backstory!

Chapter 7: The Emperor of Fear

Sunny Day

“WHOOOOOAAA!” Sheila’s face was wide and bright. “Blind me sockets, mates! The legendary adventurer herself: Candy Hunter Henrietta!”

“Mrs. Fizzuras!” Haylee beamed. “I haven’t seen you in so long!”

“Mm hm hm hm!” The woman giggled. “I did not know I vas so legendary. All I did vas fly around the world.”

“Oh, MORE than that, Heinie! You were part of me mum’s crew!!” Sheila exclaimed.

“YOU WERE??” they all screamed.

“Hm hm! Of course I vas! It helped to find rare and legendary candies with a band of scallywags.”

“She was part of the Stickybeard Crew at one time.” Haylee recalled.

“Unfortunately, they vere all frozen.” Heinie said. “Ace got me pregnant with Augustus vhen I vas only 15; neither of us could resist, hehe. I couldn’t go on adventures during those 9 months, and I desperately urged to get out there again. Ace felt guilty about impregnating me, so he promised to take care of the boy while I vent out to see the vorld. I decided to join Marine’s little crew, and we sailed for a few years. When I finally had my fill, I decided to settle down and return home, then got my son into ze whole adventuring gig.” She sighed sadly. “But I guess zat backfired in ze end. Joining the Big Mom Pirates…”

“But why did he join them?” Haylee questioned.

“I do not know. He vanted to fulfill his lust for rare candies, maybe. So many rivals sought them.”

“Well, THAT just ain’t the way to do it!” Sheila stated.

“But never mind about that.” Aurora said. “What’s THEIR problem?” She indicated the snoozing Sandy and Jessie, who were tied by Henrietta’s licorice ropes.

“Hmmm… Those two vere Sammy and Jessica’s kids. They vere First Grade kids during your parents’ time.”

“Yeah, we remember ‘em.” Hayl said.

“You see, the Sidney Family; which is vhat Sammy’s is, vas always charged with protecting the Sugary Vonder, known as the Easter Bunny. Like all Sugary Wonders, the Easter Bunny had many forms, and vhenever it passed, they desperately tried to find the rabbit who took its form. The most recent form it took vas Mr. Fluffleupagus. He possessed a magical power that could heal all wounds. But his true taste as a Wonder vould be felt once he is dipped into the crater of Mt. Chocobo, and his vonderful magic would be imbued in the purest chocolate that vould take his DNA.”

That’s horrible!! Who would wanna eat a cute BUNNY? Kirie teared.

“Well… I vould.” Heinie replied. “I acquired all this info and broke into Gallagher Elementary for that purpose. It seems Sammy informed his friend, Jessica on his family’s purpose, and she knew enough to convince me she vas of the Sidney Family, and guided me through Chocolate Island herself. So Sammy could not be hurt. But zen I ended up falling into the chocolate volcano. But my body vas so adjusted to sweets, I survived, and became ein chocolate monster. Huhuhu.” She shuddered. “Never so desperately did I vant meat.”

“That still doesn’t answer why these kids were trying to off us.” Aurora mentioned.

“Zat, I do not know. I know they stowed onto the Big Moms’ ship. But vhat they said to convince them of treachery…”

“Probably somethin’ to do with, ‘You help us, we’ll let the bunny go.’” Haylee figured.

“Well, we’ll interrogate ‘em when they wake up.” Chris said. “Speaking of never wanting meat so badly, I’m starvin’. I wish we could’ve caught that Giant Marlin when we had the-” At that moment, they heard the waves rushing, and looked as the Great Marlin was speeding to them.

“Ahhhh! It’s coming to finish the job!” Artie cowered.

The marlin stuck its sword-nose above the deck and dropped a giant fish that it stabbed. Sheila looked over the edge as the marlin’s head peeped out. “Hehe! Thank ya, Mate!”

The marlin made a call before diving under the sea.

“Well, crew:” Chris licked his lips, “tonight is good eatin’!”

Ooooh! What are we having?? Kirie beamed excitedly. Some cupcakes and TEEEA and cookiiiees? Ooh, let’s get some for our new fish pet, too! I packed some fishfood for the trip, but I’m not sure ours is big enough, and it could definitely slip through that hole in its body.

“Kirie, I…’m not sure you understand what’s going on.” Haruka said.

“Yo, Miss Marzi, mind helpin’ me cut it?” Chris asked.

“No problem!” Henrietta whipped out her candycane sword and sliced the fish to five pieces in seconds.

…EEEEEK! Kirie’s hair stood straight up in horror.

“Grab some of the firewood we packed, Sheila,” Chris began as he and Heinie lifted the pieces, “we’re having a barbeque.”

“I’ll get the sodas!” Mason went with Sheila inside the cabin.

…Kirie only fainted.

A fire was lit on the deck as the fish’s meat roasted, and they were already dining on one of the pieces (including Kirie, who was over it). The seas were calm as usual, and a clear night sky hung in the heavens. It was a great night for a bonfire. “So Mrs. Fizzuras, are you gonna join us?” Mason asked.

“No, I should bring zese kids back to Sammy and Jessica. Fluffleupagus is already chocolatified and in Big Mom’s possession. All they can do is wait for him to be reborn again.”

“Well, at least we have three of the other Sugary Wonders.” Haylee said. “We’ll just have to work harder to find the others. Miss Heinie, weren’t the Licorice Stalks up in North Dakota?”

“That’s just a silly line to go with the song. Actually, the stalks exist in a savannah on the eastern coast of Africa.”

“Wasn’t the Blurple Supreme already in Africa?”

“Yes, but they’re relatively far apart. But if ever the Licorice Stalks are eaten, a Moon Seed vill appear somewhere in ze world, one that will bring new life to ze Licorice Stalks. It must be planted in the softest soil, watered with blood mixed with soda, all under a full moon. The luscious red of the licorice would stretch to the heavens, but any wrong step, the licorice would become black and flavorless.”

“I don’t remember the blood part!” Haylee yelled.

“We agreed not to speak about zat ’til you vere ready. Of course, if you ate the Licorice Stalks at all, you vould get Black John’s candy curse, until ze stalks were grown again. However, spirits like Kyogre could heal ze curse, as vell as ze Easter Bunny’s magic. And mixing ze Easter Bunny in the same recipe as the stalks would keep the succulent taste of both of zem, vhile still evading ze curse.”

“They truly thought of everything…”

“Blimey, Miss Marzi, you probly have the Moon Seed!” Sheila exclaimed.

“Well, yes, I did have it… several years ago. I found it vhen I still sailed with your mother. We found it growing in Adabat’s ruin… but shortly after…”

15 years ago…

A sunny day over the calm seas as the Raccoon Pirates sailed on their ship, the Sneaky Dinga. The 16-year-old captain, Marine the Raccoon, sat on the raccoon-headed keel like a horse, an eyepatch over her left eye and a captain’s hat on her head, as she viewed the distant horizon. Most of the crewmates were Mobian koalas, except for Henrietta. She stared at the Moon Seed wonderingly as Tabby approached her. “’ey, Marine, we ever gonna plant that Moon Seed? I wanna see the big licorice.”

“Come on, Tabby, the beauty of an adventure is not knowing these things!”

“Well, it still feels like a waste, waiting to plant it!”

“Well, foine, Tabby. But I suppose you’ll be willin’ to offer up some blood!”

“Crikey, no!”

“Phaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ahhh, the sea smells great today, aye? Anothuh great day for seeking adventures! I wonder where we’ll go today? Climb an impeccably tall mountain, dive thousands of yonks unduh the sea… I’m willing to go for anything! Even being struck by lightning!” At that instant, a cannonball flung over and struck the starboard of the ship. “WHOA!” Marine fell off.

Henrietta watched as she climbed up drenched, and Colonel hurried over. “Oiii! Bad news, Captain! Enemy ship off the starboard bow!” Everyone directed at the tremendous, dark-bluish ship blasting an array of cannons. The Jolly Roger was a skull with slanted eyes and blonde hair, with a dent in the top to look like horns.

“Blimey, who’s causin’ the ruckus??”

“It’s…It’s her, Captain!” Kylok stuttered. “That Pirate Emperor, with the scary eyes! GRIM GLARE MANDY!!”

Onboard the vessel, titled the Boogey Coast, there sat Captain of the Boogey Pirates, Mandy on her throne. She wore dark-blue armor with a few bones strapped to it, a sword on her left waist, and her hair very unkempt and droopy. A scythe was also posted on the wall above her. “You idiot.” She glared at the demon crewman before her. “I told you to await my signal!”

“I-I’m sorry Captain, b-but I got confused, and those guys looked at me, a-and then-”

Mandy shot him a deadly glare that made him freeze completely. A swarm of psychotic demons emerged from the floorboards, wielding knives as they dashed at the pirate with wide smiles and eerie cackles. “WAAAAAAHHH!” He was met with a storm of endless stabs, blood flinging everywhere as the unbearable pain just wouldn’t end.

Mandy stood up and walked past the pirate, leaving him to shudder in fear on the floor due to his nightmare. She walked onto the highest deck of her ship, standing at the railing with Creeper. “Captain: we’ve confirmed that the Moon Seed is on their ship. The mates already began firing, but uh…”

“Just stick to it, Creeper. And call up our leviathan.”

“What should we do, Captain?” Colonel asked Marine.

“Just keep fightin’ back, but careful around Mandy. She’s a Logia fearbender. The only other one I know is Parallax, and THAT bloke was scary enough.”

As the Raccoon Pirates tried to counterattack, one of the Boogey Pirates blew into an echoing horn. A titanic cyclops emerged from the depths, with pinkish-purple skin and Medusa-like tentacle hair. Marine smirked and leaped straight to the eye several meters in the air. Her right fist spun fast as light as she PUNCHED the monster in the eye. The demon toppled back and made a tremendous splash in the sea.

“Well, THAT was short-lived.” Mandy’s Nightmare crewmate, Katie remarked.

“Just pull us in closer. I’ll fight her directly.”

The Boogey Coast drew closer to the Dinga as Mandy and Marine stood at the railings, facing each other. “Golden-Fist Marine…”

“Grim Glare Mandy.” Marine smirked. “How’s it going not visiting the barber?”

“Can it, Raccoon. I’m saving my money for more important things, and I’m about to get plenty more from the price on your head. And by threatening towns with the licorice I’ll get from that seed, my empire will expand. Don’t even try to run. You’re completely surrounded.” Behind her was a fleet of Boogey ships. “You may be strong, but you can’t last against the entire Boogey Sea. You’re finished!”

“Hehe.” Marine grinned and cracked fists. “Don’t underestimate a Mobian’s speed. ‘Cause Ah’ll punch you faster than your eyes can blink. And Ah reckon that takes a pretty long time. So come and get me, No-Nose Mandy!”

“It’s ‘Grim Glare’…” She glared.

Marine kept her confident smirk as Mandy gritted her teeth and furrowed her eyes. Mandy drew her sword and Marine spun her fist as the two leaped at each other. Both forces struck the other with incredible power.

Current time

“…I von’t bore you with the details.” Henrietta smiled.

“AWWWWW.”

“Anyvay, ve survived the battle and made off with our Moon Seed, and after ve stopped pirating, I kept it in my home. But zen someone broke in, and it vas lost. I assumed Mandy might have taken it. And I did see her ships gathered at Africa’s shore, not long ago.”

“Then I guess we’ll be dealing with her.” Aurora said, worried. “I never did like our cousin that much.”

“Ahhh, we can take her.” Chris said simply. “She’s just like any whiny baby cousin.”

“Except a lot more whiny.”

“Anyway, I’ll help guide you kids to Africa vhere the Licorice Lands are.” Heinie offered. “I also think I should join you in ze adventure there. But you’ll have to do most of the vork yourself. ‘Cause after all, you’ll never learn if you don’t do it yourself.” Heinie smirked.

“So you won’t tell us how to find the other Wonders?” Haylee asked.

“’Course she won’t, Mate!” Sheila perked. “What good’s an adventure when someone just TELLS ya all the places to go??”

“Siiiigh. If that’s how you wanna do it.” Haylee shrugged. “I’m kinda with ya there.”

“Actually though, if Mandy is zere, you may need my help in defeating her.” Heinie noted. “I’ve learned Armament Haki, so I can penetrate her Logia defenses.”

“But bonkers, Miss Marzi, how did me MUM fight her??” Sheila questioned.

Heinie sparked with remembrance. “Oh, zat’s right. She vas a lightbender, vhich is a weakness to Fear. Okay, never mind then.” She smiled casually.

“THAT’S CHEAP!” the others screamed.

“Hm hm hm, I’ll still help, anyway! Aftervards, I must get back to finding Augustus soon. I am so close.”

“I guess we can expect to see you on the way.” Aurora knew. “It was good to see you again, Miss Henrietta.”

“Now let’s eat!” Chris declared. “We got a couple days’ worth of sailing to go!” With that, they all continued to feast on their roasted fish.

Big Ma’am

The cannons aimed in the direction of a jagged stone as they fired rapidly, missing each and every shot. “I ALMOST GOT IT, Black John-senpaiiiii!” Sir Knightly screamed, having missed said shots. “One more round, one more and I’ll-” Another round of missed shots. “AWWWWW!”

“Ehhhh…” Black John sighed in annoyance. “Why are ye using Japanese terms if yer a knight? Aren’t they British or something?”

“Awwww, it’s no big deal, Senpai! I can still kick MUCHO culo, MUCHO-” They then looked as Nickel Joe came sailing on his coughdrop ship. “HEEEY! It’s Nickel Joe-senpaaaii! Nickel Joooe! NICKEL JOOOE!”

Black John leaped down to his ship, leaving Sir Knightly to shout. “Arrrr… another minute with that guy, I’ll blow me brains.”

“Oiiii Nickel Joe-senpaaai!”

“Ya learn to live with ‘em.” Nickel Joe flipped. “So Big Mom wants ta know the status of the search for that there Licorice.”

“OIIII Nickel Jooooe!”

“We want ta sail there, (“Nickel JOOOooooe!”) but there’s too much interference. (“NICK! EL! JOE!”) Our lads reported that one of the Pirate Emperors might be stayin’ there. You know. Grim Glare Mandy.”

“HEEEY! I’m John-senpai’s student! ‘eeeey! Bla-ck Joooohn!”

“A bit ‘fraid of her now, aren’t we? Are ya sure yer just too scared to go back there?” Joe grinned. (“BLACKY John!”)

“Of COURSE Ay’m not scared!” (“Black John!”) “Ay just don’t think it wise to be fightin’ one of the Pirate Emperors! (“JOHN! IS! BLACK!”) Even Big Mum don’t match up to Mandy’s fear, and she doesn’t even (“Joooohn!”) grind her scallywags into a chocolate shake an’ eat them. And a human who commands DEMONS has ta be scary enough. You’d expect the same outta Big Mom, but she only commands Nightmares, even though her grandmother was-”

“JOOOOOOOHHHN!”

The angered pirate whipped out a pistol and shot Knightly clear in the pan-protected face, knocking him down. “…Look, Johnny, I understand your fear, but without all Sugary Wonders, how’re we gonna make the cake?” Joe asked.

“Well, there’s still a chance those Raccoon Blokes survived, so if they’re on it, THEY can get skewered by Mandy. Still, we’ll send over a group of Bullysaurs, anyway.”

“I think I shall venture there myself. Don’t hesitate ta come and help out.” With that, Nickel Joe geared his ship for sail.

Black John climbed back to Big Ma’am’s deck as Knightly recovered. “Heeeehh, what’s a lad to do. I don’t suppose you have any solutions, Sir Knightly?”

The pirate frantically felt around before pulling out his mirror, studying the dent left by Black John’s bullet in his helmet. “My…My covering helmet.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll get ya a new one.”

“They BROKE… my COVERING helmet! WHY MY COVERING HELMET! WHYYYYAAAAAHHH!” He started bawling on the ground.

“For CRIKE’S SAKE, Sir Knightly, will ya JUST give it a-”

“WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!” John felt a chill through the air as all of the crewmen on deck suddenly fainted. He looked at the sea as swarms of fishes, including a sea monster, floated up unconscious. The vice-captain stared at Sir Knightly with amazement.

“Ho! So that’s why Augustus picked him! There may be hope for this crew, yet!”

“La la la, poor little Knightly, la la la, so so saaad.” sang the ship.

Sunny Day

The crew finished eating most of the big fish as the fire grew smaller, and they continued sailing under the night sky. Mason noticed Carol sitting and looking away from the fire as her head was down in shame. He approached her with a playful smile and said, “So does this mean I don’t owe you, anymore?”

“…It was my job to protect that bunny… and I failed.”

“Come on, Carol, no one blames you. And forget about the ‘me chocolatifying’ thing. We’re all still alright.”

“I just feel… so weak.. in this crew. Maybe I’m not cut out for the Kids Next Door. Maybe I just wanted to join… for the heck of it. Just one of many things I want for no good reason.”

“Carol, you’ve helped us plenty, even though it feels like we’re wasting money. I know you’re not strong, but… well, none of us are strong, compared to Sheila. I feel kinda weak next to her, ‘cause she does all the hard work. But, we still have skills to contribute. And you’re pretty fun to have, too.”

“Well… I guess…” She made a devious smile and faced him, “You still owe me 200 dollars, though.”

“WHAT?! But I already paid you the 11!”

“Don’t you know debts get higher as time passes? Even if you’re not borrowing. Pretty soon, you’ll just have to resort to being my personal slave!”

“I WILL NOT!!”

“Mmmmnnn…” Jessie and Sandy began moaning.

“Hey guys, those kids are waking up!” Haylee yelled. Everyone gathered when Sandy and Jessie had finally come to. They noticed the licorice tying their bodies, and confusedly studied the pirate ship.

“Where are we, Jessie?” Sandy asked.

“I don’t know. But looks like… THE PIRATES ARE GOING TO CARVE OUT OUR SKULLS AND TURN THEM INTO MEXICAN CANDY!”

“AAAAAAHHH!”

“SNAP out of it!” Aurora slapped them. “We’re not those pirates!”

“Yeh, we’re the Raccoon Pirates!” Sheila fist-palmed. “Now tell us why you tried to kill us or we’ll ram you right through the keel!”

“AAAAAAAHHH!”

“Iiiii don’t think that’s what they wanted to hear.” Haruka said with disbelief.

“Look, would THIS calm you down?” Carol dropped some money before them.

Their eyes lit up as dollar signs. “Finally! No more scrounging for candy off the streets!” Sandy beamed.

“We can buy Mr. Fluffleupagus an even bigger cage!” Jessie exclaimed.

“Um… Fluffleupagus is dead.” Haylee told them.

“…!!” They wore the most miserable frowns. “Mr. Fluffleupagus…”

“NOOOOOOOO!” Sandy cried to the heavens.

“Well, YOU’RE the blimey blokes that kept us from SAVIN’ him!” Sheila yelled.

“What are you talking about?!” Jessie yelled.

“Uck, you led us on a phony route with traps and tried to stab us with candycanes!” Haylee recapped.

“W-We didn’t do that! We swear!”

“Swearin’ at seven years old.” Sheila shook her head. “For shame…”

“Please, I’ve heard my friend Steve use the F-bomb.” Jessie stated. “I remember the pirates breaking into school and stealing Mr. Fluffleupagus. We snuck onto their ship, but some football baby caught us, and I don’t remember what happened.”

“Hmmm… I wonder if they were hypnotized?” Haylee asked.

“Well, we’re sorry if we hurt you.” Sandy frowned. “If there’s anything we can do…”

“Frankly, I couldn’t give a f**k, because I’m pretty sure one of them f**king hurt me.” Jessie stated.

“!!” They all gasped.

“What? Didn’t say I don’t cuss, too.” he smiled innocently.

“Please don’t tell our parents.” Sandy spoke with a cute face.

“We won’t.” some of them chorused.

“Talk about being hypnotized.” Harry said, disbelieved.

“Hey, enough o’ this hypnotizin’ hooey!” Sheila said cheerily. “Let’s have a soda party to celebrate Miss Henrietta’s bein’ here!”

“That reminds me, I recently bought this new Silver Flurp,” Mason took out a silver soda can, “and I was gonna try this during the journey. I wonder if it’ll taste good…”

“Well, DON’T stand wonderin’, Mate, just GO for it!”

“Okay, okay!” Mason cracked it open and took a sip. (Play “Village Harbor” (second part) from One Piece.)

“WOOHOOOO!” Mason’s sweater was off, his hair ruffled, and bags were under his eyes as he screamed excitedly. “HEY, EVERYBODY! I’M LOOKIN’ GOOD TODAY! YOU ALL FEEL GREAT, TOO?”

“YAAAH! LOOKING GREAT!” Chris screamed, looking just as frantic.

“GOOOOOOD!”

Henrietta and Harry smiled humorously as their friends frantically ran about the deck. “To be young and adventurous, right?” Heinie asked.

“Yeah…”

“HEY, MASON! I BET I CAN FART LOUDER THAN YOU!” Chris yelled.

“OH YEAH? WATCH!” Mason huffed, and released a beam of gas from his rear.

“THAT’S NOTHING! CHECK THIS OUT!” Chris farted a ray of fire.

“You call that FARTING?!” Artie questioned. “This is what REALLY gets ya in a laugh!” With that, he did a classic armpit fart.

“WOOOOO!” They ran around excitedly.

“Hey, guys!! You think my whole mouth can suck up this ocean??” Chris asked.

“It’d have to be a pretty big mouth!” Mason said.

“That’s rubbish, you loungin’ lot!” Sheila stated from the crow’s nest, just as hyped. “I bet me lungs’re strong enough to suck in all them clouds! HuuuuUUUUU…” She took a very big breath in attempt to do so. “…Hmmp!” She collapsed to the deck with lack of air.

“HAAAAAA!”

“Hey, boyyyys!” They all looked to the cabin’s entrance, seeing Haruka, Carol, and Kirie in one-piece swimsuits.

“HOOOOOO!” The boys’ eyes shot open.

“We know it’s nighttime, but the air really feels good.” Haruka said.

“Aren’t we just gooooorgeous?” Carol shook.

“You most certainly are, my queen!” Mason spoke, kneeling before her with googly eyes.

“I will do things for you.” Chris said, doing the same with Kirie.

Tee hee ha ha! Oh, Chris, don’t be silly!

“Do you mind if I measure your thorax?” Artie asked Haru.

“Not until you earn a medical degree. And beyond.”

“They start googlin’ at them now, they won’t be into it when they’re teenagers.” Harry said.

“It’s only the first step.” Henrietta said, throwing off her clothes. “HERE is vhat vill get zere blood running.” She wore a thin yellow-and-white-striped bikini, and her breasts were notably large.

“HOOOOOOO!” Blood shot from the boys’ noses.

“Oh, geez.” Harry looked away.

“Feeling okay there, Harry?” Aurora asked.

“Yeah, I’m just-” He looked up to see her in a blue two-piece. “AHHHH, you too?!”

“What, the night chill feels great!”

“Come ooooonnn!” He looked away, blushing.

It truly was a happy night. The seas were calm the whole way, and they’ve never felt more energetic.

The next day, 7:00pm

The wind was pretty fair during the next day’s sail, and the sky was free of too many clouds. A strange mist occupied the sea, but not too high to block their view. They were pretty weary the whole day, having exhausted their strength from the night of endless partying. Almost everyone was conked out as Haylee was boredly steering the ship. Sheila woke up on the deck and viewed around with tired eyes. However, her eyes widened, and her color returned at seeing her favorite thing: “LAAAAND HOOOO!”

Before them was Africa’s eastern coast, a vast savannah lain across the distance. Similar to the Sugar Deserts, giant candies lay spread across the lands, the most notable being Licorice Stalks towering high in the sky. “Blimey, look, guys! The Licorice Stalks are already planted!”

“Hm hm, no!” Heinie smiled. “Zose are just ze lesser stalks. Ze real ones appear more blood-red.”

“But I think you were right all along, Heinie.” Aurora noticed. “The Boogey ships are right there!” Parked by the shore were three small Boogey Bay ships.

“Siiigh. To think I was glad to only see Aunt Mandy on Thanksgiving.” Chris sighed.

“Vell, it might not be her.” Henrietta said. “Her daughter has taken interest in the piracy business. She is actually quite high up.”

“As long as we aren’t dealing with Aunt Mandy.” Aurora replied. “I prefer to deal with one Pirate Emperor.”

“I vonder if Mandy has grown the Stalks herself, yet. I’d like to know whose blood she drew.”

“Well, that ain’t gonna compare to the amount she’ll lose after I beat her!” Sheila cracked her knuckles. “I’ll tango with her just like Mom did!”

“’Guess we have a stake in that, too.” Chris shrugged.

“It vill be just like the old days.” Henrietta smirked, gripping her sword. “Show me if you have vhat it takes to be Raccoon Pirates.”

“What about us?” Sandy asked.

“You blokes c’n watch the ship.” Sheila said.

“But you BETTER not touch my stuff!” Haylee stated.

“Don’t worry! We won’t!” Sandy assured. She and her brother snickered quietly. Haylee stared with an untrusting look. (Play “Grassland Groove” from Donkey Kong: Tropical Freeze.)

Stage 9: Licorice Lands

Mission: Acquire the Licorice Stalks from the Boogey Pirates!

Act 1

For a grassland producing candy plants, it seemed rather populated with natural animals: antelopes eating the tasty candy grass, giraffes eating lollipops off the trees, elephants slurping from the soda rivers, and pandas eating the licorice bamboo. Across the lands, music and chanting could be heard; it dangerously reminded them of a certain movie. While the animals looked happy and carefree, there was something odd about them, not just that they were eating candy.

The Raccoon Pirates first approached the soda river, hopping a group of hippos bathing in the substance. They followed a cleared path between a series of trees where Minkeys threw chocolate rocks at them. Unfortunately, the path led them to a trench, which had a branch from a tree on the other side hanging above the middle. “Any Branchmallows nearby?” Haylee asked.

“Nope!” Henrietta beamed. “Just good old-fashion Licoropes.” She pulled out one of her licorice ropes, which unraveled as she jumped off and latched it to the branch, swinging across. “Sorry, but you’ll have to find your own! Zere is some hanging from those trees!”

They looked up and saw licorice dangling from the trees, so Kirie began to hop up one and avoided the Minkeys’ chocolate. She grabbed 11 Licoropes for each of her friends, but before dropping down, she noticed a Gold Wonka Bar on a farther tree. She used a Licorope to swing the branches and grabbed the candybar, then swung back to her friends. They all grabbed a Licorope (“Hold me, Mason.” Carol said. “Uuugh.” moaned Mason.) and swung the trench to join Henrietta.

They entered a licorice-bamboo forest, inside an enclosing with many cliffs. Their path led to a dead-end ledge over a chasm, with a narrow route cutting through the licorice stalks. They swung their Licoropes to a slight branch and flipped onto the lowest cliff, and from there jumped up the others. On the highest cliff, a shorter, but taller-than-them Licorice Launch was perched, facing the route over the chasm, but aiming at nothing in particular. Sheila latched her Licorope to the Licorice Launch and flung several feet over the chasm. They were worried she might fall, but a red Rainbow Monkey hung by its tail from a dangling licorice branch and grabbed Sheila’s hands. RAINBOW MONKEEEYS! Kirie sign-screamed with joy. I KNEW they were real, I just KNEW it!

A series of Rainbow Monkeys started appearing around the bamboo walls, ‘cause Rainbow Monkeys have the power of chameleons for some reason. The monkeys swung Sheila around and around until she let go to fling to another. The others flung over as well and began navigating a maze of monkeys. A Gold Wonka Bar was among the monkeys, as usual, so Kirie made her way to it to collect. They made their way to a part of the bamboo walls that overlooked another region of the savannah, amazed by the view as the sun set in the distance. The chasm was still below, so they kept swinging monkeys until they made it to a pathway along a cliffside.

It seemed like a much safer walk, except cannons appeared to be stationed on the ledge across the chasm, and Licorice Pirates were trying to blast them. Sheila spun her left fist and fired a Light Sphere to flip a cannon backwards, making it blast the pirate. Chris also charged strong flames in his fists and fired as well as they progressed the cliff. The pathway had a dead end, so all they could do was attack the pirates from where they were. When all the pirates were beaten, a group of impossibly tall giraffes emerged from the chasm, Fruit Roll-Ups dangling from their mouths.

“WOOHOOOO!” Henrietta rode atop one of the giraffes’ heads. “Sorry for running ahead! Just had to find some old friends! Come on, let’s go!” She hopped across. The Raccoon Pirates swung the Roll-Ups hanging from their mouths, but the giraffes shifted left and right, and up and down. They managed to swing them okay, but Haruka noticed something odd: the giraffes’ heads were stuffed, posted atop very long sticks. No one else seemed to notice, though…

Once across the chasm, a clear, wide road through the savannah lay in their wake. A few Spitballosaurs roamed the field and pelted spitballs at them, but Sheila dodged and ran to knock out the first one, then Chris spun in a fireball and shot at another. Dillon dodged behind the third one so the sun was behind him, using his extended shadow to catch the bully and make him shoot spitballs at all the others.

Hm… Zey are not bad. Henrietta observed. Just like zere parents at a young age. I still vonder if what Rachel told me vas true, it seems a little farfetched. Oh vell… perhaps when ze time comes, zey vill be ready.

Henrietta walked ahead of the crew as they came to a wide gorge, stretching miles in the distance. They climbed down the gorge’s wall and approached its center, viewing around curiously. The gorge almost looked like it was carved by something, like earthbenders, and they felt intimidated by its sheer size and emptiness. “Zis gorge is vhere the wildebeest usually roam.” Henrietta explained. “Zey use this to migrate between plains, but I don’t zink they’re scheduled, yet.” (End song.)

A few miles away, Nickel Joe grinned slyly as he stared at the horde of grazing wildebeest. “Ah, ta be unintelligent and carefree. So sad I have ta interrupt for my personal ambition. But such is life.” And with a careful aim of his coin, he flicked it directly behind the herd. The explosion quickly startled the wildebeest and made them charge into the canyon.

The ground quaked below the pirates’ feet as they searched around worriedly. “Um… You guys hear something?” Haylee asked.

Chris’s eyes widened, viewing the distant plain. “Uh, guys? I think I just remembered what movie this reminded me of!”

It looked as though a huge cloud of smoke was coming their way. But anyone who was aware of a similar scenario would know it was hundreds of wildebeest. Hundreds of wildebeest that threatened to trample them flat. The 12 exchanged frantic glances and rushed across the plain. (Play “To Die For” from The Lion King Game (SNES).)

Like any other machspeed section, each member ran their own path, having to jump rocks in the way. Wildebeest also ran at each of them from behind, intending to jump, so the kids had to duck when they did so. Some of the wildebeest ran zigzaggy, making it unclear which member would have to duck. For this reason, a wildebeest bounced over and kicked Haruka, making her trip. “Waaaah!”

“Haru!” Mason slowed to a halt and ran to help his sister up, quickly ducking the many stampeding wildebeest. The others looked back with frantic expressions, knowing if they stopped, they could be trampled to death, but they had to help their friends. “Keep running!” Chris yelled, quickly stopping and erupting a huge fire to make some wildebeest run around.

“Haaaaa!” Sir Knightly slid down the gorge and stood in the pirates’ way. “You ain’t goin’ any farther past here, you-yooooouuu! Iiii’m gonna stop you! I’M gonna-”

Henrietta and the kids merely pushed him around as they ran past him. “Ouch! What the-…?” He noticed the swarm of wildebeest running toward him. “WAAAAAHH!” The terrified animals toppled him down and trampled him mercilessly. Sir Knightly hadn’t the strength to stand, for every second, a wildebeest stomped his protected body, knocking him all around like a lifeless dummy.

Henrietta lashed her Licorope at a small ledge upon the wall and flew up, skimming the swarm for Chris, Mason, and Haru. To her relief, the Uno boy leapt atop one of the wildebeest with both siblings in his arms. They both recovered and swung the canyon walls using Licoropes, and Henrietta joined them.

Nickel Joe ran along the top of the canyon with a bird’s-eye view of the wildebeest. “Eh?”

“YA-HAAAAAA!” Sir Knightly was suddenly thrown above the horde and bounced all around, via their heads. He finally sat firmly atop one and rode it like a bull. “Senpaiii! Look! I’m at the rodeo!” He was coming to a leaning tree-branch. “I’M at the- WHOA!” His head smashed against the branch, knocking him back. “Uhhh…” He sat back up. “WHOA!” A series of branches lay in his wake, and his head bashed every one. Also, when he fell back, his head bumped the horns of the wildebeest behind him. It was amazing how much his helmet could withstand.

“I thought he was with Licorice…” Joe recalled. “How’d he get here so fast? Is John here, I wonder?”

As the pirates kept running, Bullysaurs pushed rocks from above the walls and tried to block them, but Heinie whipped out her sword and cut through with Armament Haki. Sheila also spun her fists to shoot Light Spheres at boulders, but it took a lot of breath while running at the same time. She glanced back at the pursuing wildebeest, quickly spinning another Light Sphere and throwing it back to punch one in the face. It fell over, causing many others to trip.

“WHOOOA!” Sir Knightly went flying off his as a result, and all the other wildebeest started trampling him like a dummy.

The pirates were approaching a narrow, dark cave, the ceiling set at the wildebeests’ height, but felt it too dangerous to enter. Henrietta noticed a route to their left over a chasm, but several branches hanging on the walls. “This vay!” She swung across with her Licoropes, and the others followed. They were about to land on a path below, but the wildebeest dashed by, forcing them to keep swinging. They swung across another chasm and made it above the next path, where the wildebeest kept running.

They swung to a Springmallow which bounced them across a series, bringing them back on the path in front of the wildebeest. “Don’t vorry, we’ll be safe soon.” Henrietta assured. A stairway led up the wall on their left, so they quickly dashed that way and hurried up, safely above the wildebeests’ wrath. They watched calmly as the herd dashed across the rest of the plain.

“Siiiigh… That’s a heart-stopper.” Mason sighed.

“Well, it coulda been worse.” Chris said. Everyone looked down and noticed a dead lion on the plain.

They passed the narrow route at the top of the stairs as the earth became grayer, and the sky darkened. The sun had likely set all the way. “The Moonrise Platform should be a few miles avay now.” Heinie mentioned. “Ve just have to cut through ze Candy Graveyard.” (Play “Be Prepared” from The Lion King Game (SNES).)

Act 2: Candy Graveyard

They entered a bleak, flavorless plain of withered candies, black licorice, and just as well, animal bones that have become black licorice. Some of the bones rose and formed licorice hyenas, with glowing ravenous eyes and drooling teeth (even though they couldn’t drool). A hyena leapt at Chris and tried to snack him, but he pushed it away and set fire to the licorice. Sheila punched Light Spheres to break hyenas, and Haylee kept another back by shoving her wrench against its mouth. She kicked it away before snatching its licorice nose and eating it. Black licorice really wasn’t that bad.

They were secluded in a low enclosing, so they jumped up a few bone-made platforms to get to a higher ground, where they jumped the remains of a black-licorice elephant to reach a new path. They followed a route between walls as demon pirates hurried over to strike them with swords. They recognized them as Boogey Pirates. Chris countered one’s sword with flame fists and kicked fire at him, and Aurora flipped behind another to set his butt on fire, making him run around screaming. Two more were trying to tame Licorice Hyenas, but the undead animals tackled the monsters and feasted on their flesh, which only tasted like licorice. With that, the hyenas lunged at the kids, but Henrietta slashed her sword and sliced their tasteless bodies.

The route was fairly straightforward, though rugged with bones as they nearly slipped into a few pitfalls. The path ended at a ledge over a field of spiky licorice. Several animals had clearly fallen, as the spikes pierced their bones. A monkey seemed to have one through its eye. On their left was a shred of color as pink gum seemed to puff from the wall. Henrietta plucked it out as it shrunk, and another gum grew in its place. “Zis is Bounce Gum. You chew it and blow to make a sooper bouncy ball.”

“PLEASE don’t tell me we swallow it, and blow out the other end.” Haylee said.

“Nope! It’s a suppository!” Heinie beamed.

“HULP!” Chris’s cheeks puffed.

“Ha ha ha! Just kidding! Just chew and blow it out vhen it’s ready!” She chewed her gum and blew it to a reasonable size. She pulled it out and sat on it like a sit-n-bounce, beginning to bounce freely across the spike field. “It is very fuuuun! Just try it!”

Sheila was already quick to chew a gum and blow a bounce ball, and the others followed as she bounced across the spikes. They bounced surprisingly high despite being made of gum, and across spikes. But Kirie didn’t join them yet, as she noticed a high ledge somewhere above the previous path and reached it using the Bounce Gum. Once again, she collected a Gold Wonka Bar and bounced back to her friends. The spike field had a few miscellaneous platforms with the Gold Caramel side-collectables, but their main path was another narrow route between canyon walls.

Boogey Blasters sat on platforms and tried to pop their gum, but Chris shot flames into the cannons to blow up their powder. Henrietta also evaded and bounced to the cannons to slice them, but as they neared the ending ledge, Kargaroks swooped down to snack on them. To keep them from pecking them off their gum, Carol threw money onto the spikes to distract them, letting the vultures fight over the currency. The gumballs popped once they safely made it to the foothold, and before them was a long, snaky slide of a giant black-licorice spine. Sheila slid down first, feeling the usual rush of excitement. The slide started very high up, allowing them a great view of the boney canyon. The silhouette of a building was in the misty sky ahead, with blue torches, sails, and flags.

The slide landed them on a platform over a lake of black ooze, likely java that went bad. The licorice bones of elephants rose from the ooze and sunk again, so while they were raised, the pirates hopped them, but they crumbled away shortly after. There was no safe ground after the skulls, so they swung a dead branch using their Licoropes, but the branch crumbled shortly after. They landed on a foothold with a Licorice Launch, which was black as usual, so when Sheila pulled it down to launch away, the licorice crumbled. Another one grew in its place, and this time Heinie went first, only pulling it a short way before launching.

The others followed, but fell directly to the ooze, so they had to keep swinging dead branches until they arrived at a safe foothold. They now faced another trench, and a bushel of Ringtrots that would allow them to run the left wall. Like before, Sheila ran the wall herself with her Mobian speed, sidestepping black spikes in the way. The others followed and had more of a struggle since they kept the Ringtrots in their mouths. They ran to a row of Springmallows that bounced them to the right wall, where they kept running until the path turned upward, making them drift right.

At the top of the wall, a Springmallow sent them flying high, and it looked as though they would touch the moon. A lion’s shadow appeared on the moon and looked to be singing, while a band of hyenas’ shadows rose on the wall behind them.

They finally took land and jumped a series of platforms before reaching the building, which was a giant pirate ship that belonged to the Boogey Pirates. Two Boogey Buffs guarded the entrance as Sheila ran to punch the first one, but he stood his ground. Mason and Haruka threw a toxic cloud over the monsters, but they jumped out of it and punched down at the siblings. Henrietta struck one with an Armament slice, then Chris kicked him upside the head to push him into the black java. The other Buff tried to grab Kirie, but she swiftly flipped around and punched in many parts of his body, eventually chi-blocking him as he fell motionless.

The crew crossed a plank and entered the ship that was stationed on a java lake. The cabin was dimly lit, only by blue torches, but Chris and Aurora gave more light from their flames. They passed a dark hallway where Boogey Cutlasses ran at them from the opposite end, but Chris and Aurora quickly kicked flames to knock them down. They entered a shaft that led up with many floors, going up the many flights of stairs as classic barrels rolled down to roll them over. They bounced fairly high when they jumped on the barrels, so Kirie used this to grab a Gold Wonka Bar above the stairwell.

At the end of the stairs, they entered a cabin where two Cutlasses ran to slice them, but Heinie blocked both their swords with her own, letting Dillon pull one in a Shadow Veil, and Harry flip the other upside-down and kick its face. They hurried up another staircase to an empty, flat room where a pirate waited at the other side, wielding two machineguns. He was asleep, so Sheila walked in first, but the second her foot touched the floor, the pirate awakened. “AAAAAAAAHHH!” He fired his machinegun all around the room, and the kids quickly retreated back. When the pirate stopped to look around, he went back to sleep.

“Hokay, no sneaking past him.” Dillon whispered.

“Can’t you Shadow Veil him?” Aurora asked.

“He’s way too big to beat.”

I know I’M not gonna risk it. Kirie stated.

“I could probably give ‘em a good punch from behind.” Sheila figured.

“I have some spare Shrink Sweets and Growth Gum.” Heinie mentioned, pulling said candy out. Sheila stuffed a gum in her pocket and ate one of the Shrink Sweets to minimize, and was able to walk across the creaky floor undetected. She snuck under the pirate’s legs and ate the Growth Gum to puff back. She spun a Light Sphere and punched the sleepy swabbie, pushing him to the creaky floor and causing him to fall through. The others regrouped with her and went up another stairway, getting to the deck of the ship.

Several Boogey Pirates ran at them, as did Licorice Hyenas. Chris grabbed pirates and hurled them over the edge, while Dillon pulled them in Shadow Veil, then carried and threw them over. Five hyenas lunged at Henrietta, but she did a spin attack and sliced them to pieces. The bones recovered and fused into three, distorted hyenas. Sheila ran at one with a Light Punch, but the bones stayed active and attempted to strangle her. Haylee rescued her captain by eating the black licorice, and when the other hyenas directed attention at her, Haylee fearlessly ate them all. “BUUUURP.” She released a stream of black smoke, then sighed.

Carol distracted the last three pirates with money while Harry, Artie, and Kirie knocked them out from behind. They searched around the deck for a way to go, and noticed a zipline going from the crow’s nest a few yards over the boneyard. On the back of the deck was a table of Fudgepuffsicles, so some of them ate one and puffed while their friends rode on them. Kargaroks flew down from the sails and aimed to pop them, so Kirie and Carol kept the vultures back with their fans and parasol. The group deflated once at the top of the sails, then climbed a few ladder ropes to the crow’s nest.

They grabbed the zipline and slid over the boneyard to a platform. They jumped another set of platforms before reaching a road that took them out of the graveyard. The mist was gone, and the peaceful night sky hung above them, as did its huge full moon. A few more Boogey Bays sat around the levitated ground known as Moonrise Platform. The pirates hurried over to see what was up. Possibly, licorice. (End song.)

“HEHEHEHEhe.” Ed the Hyena laughed his last as he was cut dead. A little girl with messy orange hair, blue armor, and no nose glared mercilessly as she spread the blood onto a red seed with her sword. She looked at Shenzi, panting angrily, and standing by the corpse of Banzai.

“Well, it’s not my fault.” the girl spoke in a calm, sadistic tone. “I could’ve used demon blood, but demon blood doesn’t work. So you were the next closest thing, so it’s your fault for being alive. And I only needed one of you, but since you’re going to attack me like this, it’s just your fault again.”

And Shenzi was slashed across the chest, now dead as well. Cindy put the bloodied seed in a hole in the center of the platform and watered it with a soda can. “There… Now let the moon work its magic and see if this licorice is really any good.”

“Daaaah!” Cindy turned and saw her crewmen being flung up through the air. In seconds, the 11 Raccoon Pirates hopped up onto the platform. “STOP right there, Mandy!” Sheila declared.

“Hey, that’s not Mandy.” Aurora said. “That’s…”

“Cousin Cindy?!” Chris exclaimed.

Name: Cindy Cortix

Race: Human, if you believe it.

Occupation: Division Commander of the Boogey Pirates

Ability: Fearbending

“Don’t tell me… Mandy’s daughter?” Dillon asked.

“YES, Mandy’s my mom!” Cindy shouted. “But she’s away right now. So I had to do all this myself. Well, she didn’t think I could, but I’m about to show her!! I’ll grow the Licorice Stalks and force-feed it to all the animals in this field! I’ll create an army of undead animals that’ll make Mom whimper!”

“Well, sorry to foil your evil plan,” Aurora began, “but we need the Licorice Stalks for something else.”

“Oh, I see. Wanna eat ‘em yourself, huh? That’s good, ‘cause then you’ll be cursed. And you can be my mom’s slaves instead. Or better yet my slaves. ‘Cause I’m the one who did all this, so I should have the reward. And you’re all trying to steal it! But I WON’T let that happen. I won’t, I won’t, I WAAAAAAH!” She erupted a Fear Scream that made the 11 fall to their knees. (Play “And at the End of Fear” from Batman: Arkham Asylum.)

Boss fight: Cindy Cortix

Aurora awoke in a battle-scarred wasteland with many bloodied weapons lain across the field. She worriedly took a few steps forward, and gasped when she found a gravestone labeled R.I.P. Vanellope. A glitchy ghost emerged from the grave, and Vanellope moaned eerily. “You’re the leader. Why didn’t you…” She reached out to touch her. Aurora frantically jumped back, feeling her hair blow as the region was swallowed in a vortex. Aurora shuddered with horror as Cindy’s tremendous form rose up from behind a building.

Carol woke up someplace else, a rather shabby apartment with bugs crawling, broken windows, and an uncomfortable bed. “Hu!!” She gasped, finding herself in brown, raggedy clothes, dirty hair, and no shoes. “W-Where am I?!” She peeked out the window, finding herself in a crumbling city neighborhood, and stormy skies. She frantically searched her pockets, but tiny lint and beetles were in the place of millions of buck. “AAAAAHH!” The shabby apartment rumbled as the ceiling came off, and Carol gaped at a titanic Cindy, with gritted teeth, and yellow, venomous eyes.

“Uhhh… hnnn?!” Sheila awoke to find herself strapped to her bed in her room. She grabbed the rope with her teeth to pull it off, but it brimmed with a magical force and remained strapped. “Nnn-let… me go! I gotta… have more adventures! Nnnn-huh?” A vision appeared on the wall beside her. Mason sat alone in a room, glumly plucking petals off a flower.

“Siiigh… what’s the point. If Sheila doesn’t wanna go on adventures anymore… life really is meaningless.”

“NOOO! That’s not true! I DO wanna go on adventures, Mason! What conked your head and made ya think THAT?? ’EY, LET ME OUTTA HERE!”

“Nnnnn…” Harry woke up in a lab room with lots of equipment. Artie and Haylee were hard at work constructing machines, and did just fine. “Hey, Harry, grab me the protoplasmic cartigator.” Artie told him. The older triplet searched around, seeing hundreds of various equipment among the tables. He had no idea what Artie was talking about… or was sure if it even existed.

Aurora dodged behind a ruined wall to avoid Cindy’s murderous glare. She squeezed tighter behind the ruin as Cindy peeked over. Lightning alit, showing the ravenous skeleton under Cindy’s flesh. Aurora crawled around the ruin’s corner, and suddenly found herself many miles above the ground. The cyclone lifted all of the ruins to let them float, and Cindy levitated in their center. Her eyes brimmed like searchlights as she skimmed for her terrified cousin. Aurora kept going forward while hiding from the giant, but she gasped at seeing Mason’s dead body, his throat slit. Hearing the gasp, Cindy peered over, so Aurora curled in a ball and hid tight behind a wall, shuddering with the greatest fear.

Carol ran down the apartment’s hall, but the dirt under her feet was just unbearable, and every bug she stepped on made her stop with disgust. Having absolutely no money, no stylish clothes, living in such filth, she couldn’t imagine anything worse. “WAAAH!” She dodged before Cindy could stab her through the wall. Carol crawled and hid behind the ruined wall as the hall led outside over the endless vortex. She found a pool with a cage dangling in the water, and Haruka Dimalanta floating helpless and still inside. “Haruka!” She was about to dive in, but noticed the group of sharks circling her hungrily. Carol wanted to throw money in and distract the sharks, but her pockets were empty. A counter was ticking down, signaling when the cage would open and allow the sharks to feast.

“Come oooon, where is it…” Harry searched desperately for the protoplasm whatever, but it seemed more and more tools started appearing. Before he knew it, he was swallowed by the sea of tools, and Cindy’s face appeared from the depths.

“Come on, Harry. It’s right here. Come and GET IT.” She blasted him with heat vision.

“Huh?! Where am I?” Dillon asked, frantically searching around a dark region. “Waah!!” He jumped back when an undead Vanellope doll floated behind him, her eyes angry and soulless.

“You didn’t protect me EITHER, Dillon. What kind of brother ARE you?”

“I tried, I just… eyaaaahh!” He cowered down the endless hall, and the soulless ghost followed.

“Uuuu-uuu-uuuuhh! Let me ouuuut!” Sheila desperately tried to shake from her ropes as Mason neared the last petal. She bit harder and harder, and her teeth ached with every tug.

“Huff, huff!” Aurora ran tirelessly across the path, trying to avoid Cindy’s stare.

“Aurora!” She saw Chris behind her, but the brother ended up chopped in half by Cindy’s sword.

“CHRIS!!”

“Aurora, I’m here!” Artie hurried over from ahead, but Cindy beheaded him.

“Hu-!!” Aurora cupped a hand over her mouth to hold the scream. She sunk to her knees and grabbed her head in agony. She saw Sheila choking, Haruka drowning, and Vanellope’s ghost. All around her, friends dying, and nothing she could do. “…It’s not real.” she told herself. “My cousin’s a fearbender… my mom warned me about this. She knew my cousin would be pulling stuff like this.”

“SO WHY did you FALL for it?” yelled Rachel’s image. “It’s no wonder my son became a better leader than you! Heck, I would’ve asked SHEILA to be a daughter. I bet SHE isn’t as scared right now. You’re a failure!”

“No… I know I’m not as great as you two… but I’m still leader of Sector V. I still have faith in my team. And I… will… protect them!” The vision vanished as Aurora unleashed a cyclone of flames to the sky.

“Nnn, nnn, nnn!” Harry couldn’t find the equipment, but Artie and Haylee’s progress didn’t impede.

“Ehhh, I didn’t really need that thing, anyway.” Artie said. “I just wanted to let Harry feel useful.”

“Nnnn…” Harry closed his eyes. “I’m useless… I can’t help them… I’m just not as smart. –You know what, I’m COOL with that. I dunno any of this junk! I just wanna listen to mah tunes.” He placed earbuds in his ears, connected to an mp3, and nodded his head to tunes as his siblings danced to it as well.

Meanwhile, Carol still felt helpless, unable to get Haruka out of the water. She had no money… she didn’t know what to do. Money was all she had. All she knew. But then, she noticed a Fudgepuffsicle sticking from the wall. She would call for Mason, but… even she knew he was nowhere around. Not here to hold her this time. She grabbed the Puffsicle and inflated herself, floating to the foothold across the water. She released the air by releasing a loud fart, taking safe land. “Grooooss.”

She climbed a set of huge stairs to reach the top, quickly turning the gears that would lift the cage up. Haruka was soon safely out of the water, and the counter finished as the cage opened, letting Haruka fall onto Carol’s platform. “Plueh, pleh!” Haruka coughed water out before looking up at Carol. “Carol!” She got to her feet.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, thanks to you. I owe you a lot, Carol.”

“Hm hm, work on that with Mason.” Carol smirked.

“By the way, why the outfit change?”

“Nnnn!” Carol shielded her body.

Dillon kept running as Vanellope’s ghost chased, taking cover behind a doorway to let the ghost pass. He sighed in relief, but- “Nnn!” Vanellope emerged before him.

“Why didn’t you HELP me, Dillon? I wanted to explore the human world. I only had a few months. You let me break, Dillon. YOU let them TAKE me. I thought I was your sister… I thought you were going to protect me. Why didn’t you, Dillon? Why…”

Dillon looked down and spoke with a calmer tone. “I’m sorry we couldn’t spend more time together. But it wasn’t my fault. And I know you’re still alive. You’re far away right now, but still alive. And we’re going to find you again. We’ll find you and Sector V will be back together. Carol may be a good friend… but she could never replace you. So don’t worry, Vanel, we’ll find you.”

Her soulless form changed back to her adorable one as she spoke, “Sheesh, you coulda just SAID so, Dillon. Yeesh…” She faded away.

“Nnnnnnnnn!” Sheila tugged the rope harder and harder, feeling her teeth would break any minute. But she didn’t let go and kept pulling. Her teeth proved the stronger force, as the magical rope weakened. “YEH!” She broke free and jumped to her feet, running for the gloomy Mason. “Hrrrrrr!” She spun her fist and faced him with anger as Mason looked up. “You DRONGOOOO!” In a flash, Mason changed into Cindy, and Sheila PUNCHED her in the noseless face. (End song.)

Cindy went flying back as blood flung from her mouth. Sheila turned as all her friends began waking up. “AAaahh, Amish…” Artie mumbled.

“SUGAR-free candy.” said Haylee.

Dead Rainbow Monkeys! Kirie freaked.

“APOCALYPSE Ponies!” Chris exclaimed.

“AAH Sheila don’t punch… Huh?” Mason looked confused.

Everyone faced forward and gaped. Cindy was knocked out after flying back… but someone grabbed her. A slim woman with blonde messy hair, dressed in armor. Mandy McKenzie looked up and glared at the kids. “A-AUNT MANDY!” Chris cried.

“There they are!” yelled one of Nickel Joe’s henchmen as a band of Big Mom Pirates climbed to the platform. “Grab them and take the seed!”

“Wait… is that-”

Mandy’s eyes brimmed as a storm of Fear Spheres erupted from her body, encasing all the pirates and trapping them in nightmares. “Pirate Emperor Mandy- AAAAHH!”

Henrietta ran at Mandy and clashed her Armament sword against her own, both pushing at equal force. As they glared at each other, Mandy activated her Scare Stare, giving Henrietta the vision of herself as a male. This caused her to release her grip, and Mandy readied to slice her. However, she heard someone stomp the ground firmly, feeling them looking at her fearlessly. Mandy turned, seeing none other than Sheila cracking her knuckles. Mandy faced her and glared, sword ready, and Sheila started spinning her right fist, ready for a punch.

“YAAAH! CAPTAIN MANDYYY!” cheered the demon pirates. Sheila’s friends, however, stared at her worriedly.

Mandy focused her glare, but Sheila didn’t falter. She was probably the second person Mandy knew that didn’t shudder from her stare. She was just like…

Sheila’s Light Fist increased as she ran forward and leaped. Mandy sensed her focus, and knew her only wish was to punch her.

Marine’s powerful fist punched Mandy dead in the stomach as she smashed against a wall in her throne room. As she lay weakened on the floor, a picture fell from her shelf as the frame broke. It was of none other than Billy as a child, the big-nosed boy as goofy as ever. She stared at it thoughtfully before looking back at Marine, who glared as her fist was balled with a light. Henrietta and Katie were fighting behind her, but they noticed the picture as well. It put an idea in their heads, Marine’s as well. An idea that filled them with remorse.

“You ever get the feeling… something’s missing in your life?” Marine asked.

“…” Mandy glared, “Not really.”

Sheila PUNCHED Mandy dead in the face as she went sliding several meters. Her face was dangerously bruised as blood shot from her broken teeth. There wasn’t much blood since she didn’t have a nose. Needless to say, the surrounding demons fell utterly speechless as they looked at their unconscious captain, and the proud, victorious Sheila Frantic. “She…She took out Grim Glare Mandy!” a demon stuttered. “Grim Glare Mandy, who became a Pirate Emperor at just 13 years old… WAS JUST DEFEATED BY SUN-FIST SHEILA!!”

“AAAAAAHHH!” The demons didn’t wanna stick around for another example of Sheila’s sheer power. But even the Raccoon Pirates thought this too weird to be true. Mandy’s form lay bloody and unconscious… all thanks to one hit by Sheila’s fist.

Chris and Aurora approached their fallen aunt for that reason. As they looked over her, Mandy cracked open her eyes. “How is… Rachel?”

“Oh, she’s good.” Aurora answered.

“And… her son? The… leader?”

“You mean Cheren?” Chris asked. “Yeah, he’s pretty tough, too.”

“…That’s good.” She fainted.

“…” Henrietta helped herself up and approached the baffled kids. “Vell, that vent better than expected. Time for us to go, kids.”

“But what about the Licorice Stalks?” Chris asked.

“The stalks actually take a few days to grow completely. I vill vatch over them after bringing Sandy and Jessie home. I’ll come back for Mandy later too, so let’s go.”

The team bypassed the terrified demons and dropped off the platform. On the way back, they noticed a group of animals approaching them, such as the stick-necked giraffe. “Hey… what is-” Chris noticed strange tiki creatures holding the stick-giraffes. It was then they also noticed the wooden bodies of the pandas, hippos, even monkeys.

“Hm hm hm! Zey aren’t REAL animals!” Heinie said. “Zey are the Hérshi Tribe. Zey cast a spell zat makes all the candy here seem like real savannah to ze real animals, and zey wear those disguises. You didn’t think zese candy-loving animals vere REAL, right?”

Everyone exchanged a chorus of ‘No’s and ‘Of course not’s. “Even the wildebeest?” Haruka asked.

“Oh, zose were real. Zey were probably heading to the other savannah, just next door.” They looked a few meters ahead at the Pride Lands, where Rafiki waved at them from the border.

“Well, I think I’ve had about enough references.” Aurora said. “Let’s just go.”

Mandy and Cindy shortly recovered as they rested on one of the Boogey Bays. “Cindy, I told you I abandoned this plan. That’s why I let Henrietta keep it.”

“Well, how come?? You could’ve beaten them, what were you afraid of?!”

“…How you would get into this. I made you Division Commander because of your skill, but you’re too out of control with your emotions. I wanna hold off on plans like this until you’re a little more mature.”

“That doesn’t answer me, why didn’t you just do it?!”

Mandy closed her eyes. “Well… ‘cause I felt like I was missing something.”

“What??”

“Never mind. Come on, let’s go recruit some of the skeletons. Lord knows those bozos can’t do it.” She entered the ship.

Sunny Day

The Hérshi guided them across the savannah as one of them spoke to Henrietta in a foreign language. “You understand?” Chris asked.

“Hm-hm, I do.” Heinie smiled. “A few years ago, they saw another human walk to the other savannah. He found ze dead remains of a lion and took it with him. Zey don’t know vhat he planned to do with it.”

“Check all the museums, I guess.”

They made it back to the Sunny Day and entered the cabin, gasping at the mess Sandy and Jessie caused. Soda was spilled everywhere, Harry’s CDs were scattered on the floor, and the children were reading Haylee’s diary. “‘Dear Diary.’” Sandy read. “‘I, like, have such a HUUUGE crush on-”

“RAAAAHH!” Haylee, Artie, and Mason furiously tried to catch them as the duo ran around and giggled.

“Come back heeeere!”

Azultown

A burglar frantically ran down the nighttime streets, taking cover in a dark, dead-end alley. The ravenous growling was heard behind him, and he fearfully turned as the shadowed lion glared with piercing green eyes. “AAAAAAAHH!…” His screams echoed through the night as the lion feasted.

Wow, lot of things happened, and lot of references to a certain movie! Next time, Henrietta will leave us, sadly, and we’ll continue the journey, as expected. ;)

Chapter Text

Okay, in this chapter, guess what Sugary Wonder we’ll be hunting. ;D

Chapter 8: Cursed Caramels

Sunny Day

The Raccoon Pirates sailed away from the savannah as Henrietta and the 7-year-olds boarded her helicopter, which was parked on the top of the deck. “I must go now. It vas fun traveling vith you kids, but zese kids can’t wait forever.”

“Neither can we, FOR THEM.” Haylee stated angrily.

“Hm hm hm!” Heinie beamed. “I vill confirm vith Marine on your progress, Sheila. She vould be proud.”

“Aw, shucks, she dun’ need to know how I’m doin’!” she brushed off. “Me mum knows me!”

“I’m sure she does. Auf wiedersehen, Raccoon Pirates! Farewell!” She started the copter and flew across the horizon as the kids waved.

“And thus, another adventure is finished.” Mason concluded.

“We still have to come back there.” Haylee reminded.

“Owuuuuhh.” Carol plopped on a pool-chair and slipped her heels off. “My feet hurrrrt after all this walking. I sure wish a sweet boy with gentle hands could give them a rub.” Dillon rolled his eyes and walked over. “Not you!” She kicked his face. “I meant Mason! He owes me.”

“Siiiigh.” Mason sighed and went to do so.

“Since it’s nighttime, we should probably get to sleep.” Aurora said. “Enjoy a crisp cool day of sailing tomorrow. Right?”

“The whether feels warm, and no clouds, so it should be sunny tomorrow.” Haylee smiled hopefully.

“Ahhh, that’ll warm up the wounds.” Sheila sighed, walking to the cabin. “Let’s hit the shutters, pals.” Everyone joined her and went inside.

The next day, 12:25am

The sun was high in the heavens as seagulls chirped and soared by, only a few fluffy white clouds in the sky. “Ahhh, this is great!” Haylee smiled, leaning forward on the railing. “We’ve barely had any sunny days lately, and now the weather’s lovely! I can’t wait to get to the next island!”

“Heh-hwow, Haylee, you’re excited today.” Mason chuckled, rubbing sunscreen on Carol’s back.

“I dunno what it is. Maybe when Sheila accidentally punched me with a Light Sphere.”

“Hehehehe. My bad, eh?” Sheila grinned sheepishly.

“I mean, we’ve almost found all the Sugary Wonders; sorta, and once we defeat Big Mom, we can just enjoy the cruise!”

“But we still gotta go back to Kids Next Door, right?” Chris asked, once again fishing, while Kirie swam in the ocean.

“Well, even if we do, it wouldn’t hurt to relax a little, right?” Aurora asked. “After missions, we can take little mini-vacations like this.”

“Yeh, that’d be strewth!” Sheila grinned, lying on the keel. “Even if we’re KND, we’re still Raccoon Pirates!”

“Yeah… that does sound nice.” Mason smiled, relieved Sheila seemed to put any ‘treasonous’ ideas behind her.

While they sailed freely, several miles above the sky, a 34-year-old woman wore a bright smile as she flew freely on a hang-glider. She wore several equipment over her green shirt and black armored pants, goggles on her eyes as her brown hair blew behind her. She really enjoyed the atmosphere, the fresh air, the cool breeze. The ocean lay miles beyond the horizon, as did the fluffy clouds she soared over. Flying was such a great feeling, the feeling of no weight on your shoulders, the feeling of absolute freedom.

She soared miles away from the Sunny, and took land on another ship. Her glider retracted as she approached the cloaked man on the front, seated cross-legged and his back facing her as he poured cups of tea. “Did you enjoy your flight?” He slid a cup across the deck, to her feet.

“Mm-hm.” She nodded, picking it up. “I see you’re back from your vacation. …Why did you destroy Tornadus?”

“Place was corrupt.” He sipped his own tea. “They needed a new life. Besides, it has more atmosphere now.” He opened his single, left red eye.

The woman sipped. “I saw the kids. They’re doing pretty well so far. Though Henrietta helped them a little.”

“Good enough. The sea’s a perfect place to test their strength. With no links to their organization, all they have is each other. And theirs and each other’s strength.” A cool breeze brushed across the gentle waves as seagulls chirped. “The winds of fate are blowing. And very soon, the tides will be changing. The world… our very reality will be entrusted to that Next Generation. It’s our duty as adults to see that they’re ready. If they know to support each other… to find their own strengths… and overcome the obstacles ahead… we can trust them to make this world anew.”

“But it’s such a huge burden for them to bear.”

“Ahh, yes… but there’s no other way. This world is one I’ll surely miss. But we still don’t know the potential of this generation. Before you know it…” he closed his eye, “they’ll surprise us, yet.” And took a sip.

“Mmmm…” the woman smiled and looked to the blue sky. “Just like my friends did…”

Big Ma’am

“OIIIII!” Sir Knightly flailed his arms. “You should’ve SEEN it, Senpaaai! I was all, rudda-bump rudda-bump, rudda-bump-bump-bump, and then BWAAAAAHH!” He banged his own helmet. “I almost got those kids, but then they pushed me, and… they PUSHED meeeeee…” He wept at the memory.

“Arrrr…” Black John sighed, blowing smoke from his candle cigarette. “So did ye get the Licorice Stalks?”

“We was gonna, but it seems they weren’t fully matured, yet.” Nickel Joe explained. “The seed was just planted, and hyena blood can only make it grow so much.”

“Arrrr, but perhaps skewering the kiddies for their blood may speed the process. Either way, I’m not getting anywhere near those stalks. Ay wish Stewie would hurry up and get those caramels.”

“Ya can’t get the caramels that easy, ya know. Ya have ta sacrifice what ya value most. And I ain’t sacrificin’ my smooth ’cent now, no sirree.”

“Heh heh hehrrr. Well then, the situation calls fer one solution.” John smirked. “We must-”

“OIIII! Senpaaaii!” Sir Knightly startled Black John. “I caught a fiiish right here, see. I caught a FIIIISH!” He held up a tiny little anchovy.

Black John glared at him aggravatingly. He gripped the knight by the chest and THREW him over the railing. He splashed in the sea, and shortly resurfaced, looking around confused. “Eh… what?” He was yanked back under.

Nickel Joe and John Licorice viewed the bubbling water curiously. In seconds, Beethoven music started playing as Sir Knightly skittered across the surface, running frantically from a giant unagi. He ran around and around at Sonic speed, not slowing for a second as the sea demon chased. “Waaaahhh!” The unagi caught him on his head and shook him around. He tossed the knight above and caught him in his mouth, spitting him far into the distance. “AAAAaaaahh!” He twinkled like a star.

“Hnnn…” John made a light, casual grin, drinking a bottle of soda. “Ahhh… The thing about soda is, it doesn’t cause as much damage as alcohol. If other adults only stick with this stuff, they wouldn’t be as weak. ’Tis why we candy-lovers are much stronger.”

Joe kept his sly grin and glanced to Knightly’s direction.

Sunny Day

Hey, guys! There’s something coming from the sky! Kirie called.

“WaaaaAAAH!” Like a meteor, Sir Knightly came flying from the heavens, crashing against their sail, and falling to the deck. The knight quickly got to his feet as everyone looked at him. “Hello.”

“…” They stared blankly.

“…I’m Sir Knightly.”

“…”

“You look familiar.” Carol finally spoke, still lying on the chair in her swimsuit.

“Have we seen you somewhere?” Chris asked.

“Hmmm… Well, have we met before?”

“We’re the Raccoon Pirates.” Sheila simply told him.

“Raccoon Pirates. Hmmmm…” Knightly folded his arms in thought. “Raccoon Pirate, Raccoon Pirate… Oh! My name is Sir Knightly! And… I’m a new member of the Big Mam Ban’!”

“Oh!” They gasped.

“Then YOU’RE our ENEMY!” Aurora accused.

“Oh-! …I am?”

“Well, weren’t you sent here to attack us?” Haruka asked.

“Actually, I just… flew here.”

“…”

“WAIT a second! I am supposed to…AHH HA ha haaaa!” He fell to all fours, sobbing as tears flowed from under his helmet. “BU’ WE just become FRIEEEENDS!”

“WE DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU!”

Some sniffles as he looked up. “But you guys are so fun. Why do I have to attack you?”

“Hehehe! This guy’s a riot, mates!” Sheila perked, walking up. “I say we add him to our crew!”

“He can’t join, he’s an adult!” Aurora reminded.

“Well, he makes me laugh, so HE’S joinin’!”

“Really? That’d be so GREAT!” Knightly stood joyously as he and Sheila locked arms. “Thank you, Sheila, thank yoooou!” They danced and kicked their feet around. The others stared with disbelief.

“That seemed awfully fast.” Haruka said.

“Not my preferred knight in shining armor.” Carol said.

“WHOOOAA!” A cannonball pelted the Sunny, causing it to shake.

“Well, Ah’ll be CHOKIN’ on me own soda!” Black John called from the distance. “Loony bloke done let us ROIGHT to the MUNCHKINS!”

Sir Knightly stood and faced them with a sorrowful look. “Guys… I think it’s finally time I told you. I work for the Big Mom Pirates.”

“AHHH! YOU DO?!” Sheila, Kirie, and Artie screamed.

“He just told us one minute ago!!” Aurora shouted.

“Kids, it be in yer best interest ta be handing us yer Sugary Wonders.” Black John demanded. “The Easter Bunny already be in our possession, and the Stalks and Caramels are good as ours, too. So surrender us yer doubloons, and have a safer farewell.”

“YOU think you c’n scare me, come down here and Ah’ll show ya a REAL punch through the lollies!” Sheila declared.

“Oiiiii please don’t hurt me, Senpaaaaii!” Knightly begged.

“GET BACK on here, ya pack-a overcooked Wonka-Vites!”

“O-? Okay.” And Sir Knightly leaped back to their deck.

The Raccoon Pirates stared with worry at the Big Ma’am, which proved a lot more big and terrifying than their ship. Black John merely smirked at the lower pirates and blew his candle-cigar. “So what’ll it be, runts? Yer doubloons in exchange fer not bein’ squished into a million salvage?”

“Laaa la la, teeny-tiny, laaa la la.” sang the Ma’am’s face.

“Heh.” With a cocky smirk, Sheila spun her fist and threw a Light Sphere at the ship’s face.

“Aaaaahhh!” It made a frown, its face bruised.

“ALL hands to the guns! FIRE!” On John’s command, the ship turned sideways and started blasting the tinier vessel with its many cannons.

“Eyaaaahhh port to starboard, port to starboard!” Aurora cried.

“What does that meeeaan?” Haruka wobbled.

“I DUNNO, just go right!!”

Haylee quickly steered the ship rightward and tried to speed it away. Chris and Sheila punched their elemental spheres at incoming cannon-jawbreakers, but it became difficult since the ship was so close. “Wait a minute! Where’s Dillon??” Aurora questioned, suddenly realizing the spy wasn’t there.

I sent him on the ship to look for info! Kirie signed.

“You did??”

Yeah! Don’t worry, we shouldn’t be far for him to catch up.

As pirates blasted the band of kids, a shadow slithered into one of the cannon’s windows, hiding behind a crate before Dillon reemerged. He sat there calmly and closed his eyes, letting Mario go around the cabins and search the ship. He found the empty cabin Nickel Joe was in, sitting at a round table with his usual grin, but depressed eyes, flipping his favorite nickel. “Haaaaye-ay-ay. I feel like such a bigshot… but this nickel’s all I have.”

Raising a shadowy brow at this, Mario continued to Fat Jack’s room. The shadow wore a look of disgust at Fat Jack gobbling a giant cake. “Heheheh. I’m gonna gobble you to wittle nothing, ahhhh.”

Mario shook his head and continued to Black John’s room. A World Map was on the table, and a certain coordinate was marked on a tiny island south of the Indian Ocean. “Ay, intruder!!” Mario looked back with a gasp, stuffing the map in his throat before returning to his master.

Dillon quickly dodged the pirates’ swords until Mario finally returned, and they Shadow Veiled to get out of there. The Sunny had gotten far as Dillon Shadow Veiled across the sea, having to revert as he splashed in the water. “Guys, wait up!”

“Arrrr, wee scallywag got left behind. To the LOCKER with him!” John commanded, and the cannons began to blast the shadowbender.

“Dillon’s coming back, slow down!” Aurora ordered.

“We can’t!” Haylee yelled. “They’ll catch up!”

I’ll save him! Kirie dove into the sea and gracefully Torpedo Spun her way to Dillon. She resurfaced in front of him and signed, Hop on my back!

“What??”

Kirie face-palmed and turned, smacking her back. “Oh.” He smacked her back, too.

!!!! Gritting her teeth and shaking, Kirie grabbed and forced him against her back, wrapping his arms around her.

“Whoa!!” Dillon stared amazed as Kirie leapt from the water, and began skipping across the surface. The cannons locked on and tried to blast them, but Kirie skipped left and right and avoided, keeping her light feet on the water’s surface.

Despite her skill, they ended up splashing in the water after a short while. Ugh, it’s hard to do that while carrying someone.

“Look out!” A cannonball was coming at them, but it was bonked away by Sheila’s Light Sphere.

“Rejected, you old walrus!” Sheila declared.

Dillon grabbed Kirie in a Shadow Glide and managed to float back to their ship’s deck, catching their breath. “Arrrr! Turn the ship starboard and get after them!” John commanded.

“Senpaaaai! I got it, Senpai!” Knightly exclaimed, pushing a cannon over and lighting it on fire. “I’m gonna blast ’em in one shot- eh-eh-eh-EEEHH!” He slipped and pushed it to aim at the mast.

“NOOO!” The cannon fired and destroyed the central mast’s base in one shot. The tremendous sails toppled down and splashed in the sea.

“Owwww. Cannons hurt, la la, so so baaaad.” the face sang.

“YEEEAAH! We DID IIIIT!” cheered the Raccoon Pirates.

“Or more like they did it.” Haylee winked.

“Byyyyeeee, frieeeeeends!” Sir Knightly waved.

“We don’t KNOW you!” they yelled back.

“Now we can go ON to the next island!” Sheila cheered.

“Speaking of which, did you learn anything?” Aurora asked.

Mario perked up, then coughed the map out of his throat. Aurora picked it up and unraveled. “Yuck! Shadow saliva.” Haylee said.

“That just sounds plain strewth, Mate! I wonder wot it’s like inside a shadow?” Sheila spoke.

“We almost found out once.” Mason chuckled.

They noticed the marked spot on the map. “This looks about where we’re going.” Aurora noticed. “Were the Big Moms heading there, too?”

“You don’t think it’s Candied Island, do you?” Haylee asked in wonder.

“I find it hard to believe that island would be in plain sight.” Dillon said. “It could be just a base.”

“Well, it’s bound to have more clues.” Chris said. “I say we head over there.”

“Way ahead o’ ya!” Sheila smirked and fist-palmed. “Our next adventure lies in the scallywags’ domain! Let’s shove off, cobbers, and let excitement be found!”

“Do you ever change, Sheila?” Aurora asked with disbelief. The kids set the ship ready for full speed ahead.

On the Big Ma’am, Black John entered his cabin with Sir Knightly, finding the map on his table gone. Black John smirked. “They took the bait.”

“Oooohh, a fish! Where?” Knightly looked around.

“Ye’ll see, my fair knight. Ye’ll see.”

Somewhere south of Indian Ocean

The Sunny Day located a lone island infested with jungles. The kids docked and started trekking the jungle. “Feels pretty small for a base.” Haylee said.

“An adventurer’s fall is lettin’ their eyes get the best of them, Mate.” Sheila told them seriously. “Never judge a new place by what’s in front, it’s what me mum said. Adventure can lie anywhere. In the deepest sea, in the highest sky, or-” She stopped, feeling the ground change slightly beneath her feet. “…right under our noses.”

Indeed, the grassy ground was actually a trapdoor. They lifted the hatch up and peeked in curiously, stepping down the staircase. Chris and Aurora held flames alit as they quietly trekked the hidden basement. They found a lit area in the deep back, with some monitors and a strange machine with a chamber. A teddybear sat on a wood chair, a machinegun lain beside him. They believed this bear was meant to guard the room, but it wasn’t doing a good job.

Artie and Haylee approached the closed machine. “I wonder what it is.” Artie said.

“It looks… familiar somehow.” Haylee opened the chamber and approached the monitor. “…May 5, 2031, Guatemala? A year ago? Wait…”

“OH!!” They all flinched at Mason’s shout. “I just remembered!! When we fought the pirates at Chocobo, that football baby said something about having a time machine!”

“And he’s traveling back in time to GET THE CARAMELS!!” Haruka deduced.

“Alright, I’m lost.” Carol stated simply. “What are these caramels you keep talking about?”

“Well, on the 5^th day of the 5^th month of every 5^th year, this weird ritual happens at Guatemala where you can make these Magic Caramels that seal your personalities.” Haylee explained.

“But apparently that whole thing started one year after the decade…” Harry noticed.

“Yeah, if it’s on 2031.” Haylee noticed. “But that’s the only time you could get the Caramels at their best quality. We have to go after him.”

“Whoa-whoa-whoa, I ain’t riskin’ losin’ mah best quality.” Harry stated. “Besides, how do we know how this thang works?”

“I built my own.” Haylee reminded. “He’s got the time marked at 9:55, so we’ll set it at 9:50 and have a chance to ambush.”

“I still don’t wanna take a chance with those caramels. I mean, what if-”

“You CAN’T go through life with ‘what ifs’, Mate, you have to live for the moment!” Sheila beamed. “Or in this case, ONE YEAR AGO!” She shoved them all in.

“Whoooa-WHOOOAA!” The button was pushed, and they were all warped to that time.

Guatemala, May 5, 2031

The kids all reappeared at the base of a vast canyon. They ended up in a pile, with Sheila at the bottom. “WOOHOOO!” Sheila jumped to her feet, throwing them all off. “Guatemala, get ready for SHEILA FRAN-” She took notice of the deep canyon. “Blimey, who broke the earth?”

Everyone recovered and stood beside her. “This doesn’t look like the Caramel Altar.” Haylee said.

“Football Head musta set the dropping point far away in case we tried to follow.” Harry assumed.

“Well, it’s a good thing we came earlier.”

“But that baby might have our only means of getting back.” Aurora said. “We’ll have to stop him fast.”

“Fast be my middle name!” Sheila fist-palmed. “I’ll show this whole canyon the bottom of me sandals! HEAR THAT, CANYOOON!” Her voice echoed across the land. “GET READY TA EAT SHEILA FRANTIIIIC!” (Play “Oasis Speedway” from Spyro: Enter the Dragonfly.)

Stage 10: Caramel Canyon

Mission: Race across the canyon and ambush Stewie!

The 11 pirates ventured down a wide slope as Shy Guys came speeding up, inside dark, rolling crystal spheres. A Roll Guy ran over Sheila while the others dodged aside, and when it about-faced, Chris attempted to throw flames at it, but they barely did anything as Chris was forced to dodge. Carol wagged her money in the air and threw it on a far spot, making the Roll Guys roll at it and bump each other. Sheila recovered and spun her fist, sending a Light Sphere at one of the Guys and making him bounce against the others. She and Chris threw a few more light and fireballs to push the rolling crystals down the hill, over a ledge at the bottom.

At the ledge’s bottom, they used their Licoropes to swing a series of branches along the left cliffside. They landed on a walkway where a squad of Spy Guys started pelting them with slingshots. Haylee tossed her wrench at one’s head and knocked him out while Dillon blew Shadow Breath over the rest of them. They couldn’t find a way out of the fog before Haruka tossed a gas cloud that Aurora burned with her fire. They reached a large gap that was too far to jump, but a stalagmite rose from below with a large caramel on its perch. “Hey, that’s a Sunshine Caramel!” Haylee explained. “You shine light on it and it makes solid illusions! ’Course, the light needs to be strong enough.”

“Say no more.” Sheila spun her fist and punched a Light Sphere at the caramel, causing it to glow and create a yellow, see-through glowing path. They crossed the bridge quickly before it vanished, making it to the next path. The path was fairly short, having a Fudgepuffsicle bushel as they overlooked a vast, open chasm. A chasm that wasn’t dark and had miles of ground underneath, but was still a fairly long drop. Before they ate the popsicle, several Sunshine Caramels were stationed around the chasm, so Sheila threw Light Spheres to make them alight and reveal giant fans. The fans blew multiple directions, into each other, so they each ate a Fudgepuffsicle and floated to the closest one, letting the breeze take them before the fans disappeared.

They landed on another cliffside ledge and jumped a short gap to another cliff. An Arrow Guy shot arrows at them from ahead, spiking Sheila, Chris, and Aurora as Haylee jumped and tossed her wrench to knock him out as well. Behind his vantage point was a grabbable wall over the chasm, so they climbed across as the cliff went left around. Flames were flying at them from that direction, but came slowly so they were easy to avoid. A Pyro Guy stood on a ledge at the end, producing these flames, so Sheila didn’t hesitate to punch a Light Sphere and send him falling. From there, they could climb on top of the cliff, and soon overlooked a great, steep slope leading to a ramp. Across the following chasm appeared to be a series of sloped mounts.

At the top of this slope was a group of black crystals. “Hey, it’s Rock Candy!” Haylee beamed. “It’s really fun! You eat it, drop the piece at your feet, and it encases you in a crystal ball! Then you can go WICKED fast!”

“Just the kinda speed I need!” Sheila munched the crystal and threw the severed piece at her feet. In an instant, her whole body was sealed inside a crystal ball. “WHOA! I feel like a HAMSTER!”

“Yeah, but a hamster doesn’t have this much fun.” Haylee smirked. “Captains first!”

“WHOOOAA!” Haylee shoved Sheila down the hill, her ball rolling at whipping fast speeds as Sheila ran inside it like a hamster. With her Mobian speed, it moved incredibly fast, zipping down the hill and up the ramp. “WOOHOOOO!” She landed on a track that curved right, which launched her to a rightward curve, then a track that slid up and down and up and down, then sent her flying via ramp. It launched her to a series of flat platforms that Sheila had to carefully jump while her ball rolled. She made it across, reaching a longer path that turned left around a wall, then across a wide bridge as Bob-ombs tried to get in her way, but Sheila jumped them. The road made a right turn until Sheila rammed in a ledge and broke the crystal, then climbed onto the short ledge.

“WOOHOOOO!” she cheered once more. “That was the funnest candy EVER! Let’s hope the other blokes agree with me.” She waited for the others. “I hope they aren’t dead.”

But before long, the others caught up with Sheila in their Rock Candies. Before continuing, Kirie returned along the path and found an enclosing with a Wonka Bar just in the last turn. With that, the crew continued along a path between close trench walls, where the teddybear soldiers called Tediz floated down on parachutes. They bombarded the crew with machineguns, so they quickly hid behind jagged rocks. Chris and Aurora sent flames out to burn the Tediz’s legs, and Kirie threw petal shurikens to slice the strings of their parachutes. Haylee ran in to bat the Tediz around with her wrench while Dillon ran in the center of some, conjured a Shadow Shockwave, and had Mario maul all the teddybears.

They passed the trench and came above a cliff overlooking another chasm. A bushel of Ringtrots was beside them, but no path to run on. That is, until Sheila punched the Sunshine Caramel near them, creating a hilly up-and-down track. The others (minus Sheila) started sucking on the sour rings and racing across the track. Sheila ran ahead to throw her Light Spheres at other incoming caramels to add more to the track. As expected, it started to make several snaky turns, and they had to jump bumps along the way. Behind one of the caramels on their left was a hidden caramel, which Sheila punched to make a side-road leading down to a Wonka Bar. Once again, Kirie rushed down to grab it before regrouping with the others.

The glowing roads eventually brought them between another trench, the route made up of several ledges between gaps which they had to jump. Fly Guys hovered above and fired slingshots, but they were a minor nuisance as Kirie could toss shurikens and send them falling to the abyss. At the route’s end, there was a Sunshine Caramel lodged in the wall, and when Sheila punched it, a road of floating parallel walls lay in their wake. The crew had to Wall Jump over the chasm, kicking the walls with good timing as they listed upward and downward, while some even moved. The usual difficult Wall Jumps. At one point, they landed on an ice cream cone platform that threatened to topple, so Sheila quickly punched a Light Sphere at a Sun Caramel to make the next set of Wall Jumps.

The distorted magic walls eventually brought them to a safe foothold with a Rock Candy bushel. However, the slope going down had many gaps, and there wasn’t any road afterward. Sheila punched the Sunshine Caramels in the walls to make those gaps cover with glowing ground. “That works, but she can’t punch through the rocks.” Mason said.

“Then Ah’ll ride on one o’ YOU blokes!” Sheila fist-pumped. “Ah’ll do Chris just because.”

“No argument, Captain.” Chris nodded.

“Argument.” Aurora glared.

“Adjourned.” Sheila said.

Chris ate the Rock Candy and got in a sphere, and Sheila jumped on and began to run backwards, while Chris ran forward so the ball stayed forward. The others followed quickly, letting Sheila and Chris stay ahead so the former could punch distant caramels with her Light Spheres. The path kept appearing as a result, so Sheila kept up the pace and kept balance when Chris had to make turns. “Whoooaa!” At one point, the magic path was divided in parallel sets of slanted platforms, and Sheila nearly lost balance when Chris had to jump back-and-forth. She still maintained her footing, but the path swerved left and forced Chris to roll up when the path turned vertical along a left wall, and then along a right wall, in which Sheila still had to punch caramels to make these parts appear. A Wonka Bar was placed at the bottom of a vertical part, but they assumed Kirie would grab it.

The path began soaring over a wide, empty part of the canyon. Sunshine Caramels were still stationed, but they didn’t know what shapes the paths would take until Sheila punched them. They either had to swerve left or right, or jump some scattered platforms. A hidden side path to the left led to another Wonka Bar, but Sheila and Chris had already sped rightward. Either way, the route led directly to a cliffside with a distant field above it, so they were nearing the end. Chris finally crashed his rock against the bottom stair of a staircase, flinging Sheila on top of it. Once all the others caught up, they headed up the stairs and out of the canyon. A few meters ahead was the ruined Caramel Altar. They hurried over to see if anyone was around. (End song.)

The ruin appeared deserted, but several empty sacks of flour were lain around, the flour spread around in a certain pattern. “Hey, the ritual’s already going on!” Haylee observed.

“But I thought we came 5 minutes before Stewie did?” Aurora said.

“Oh no, you’re right on time.” They faced right with a start, as Stewie suddenly shot them with an electric gun. The kids furiously shook before falling down. With that, a squad of Shy Guys set generators up around the altar, sealing the crew in a barrier.

“You had one of your henchmen change the time to mislead us!” Haruka deduced.

“Oooh, the goth one figured it out, how impressive.” Stewie remarked smugly.

“But you won’t be able to get the caramels if we’re SEALED in here!” Haylee informed.

“What do you think I am, an imbecile? I’ll collect the caramels as soon as you’ve been reduced to your lesser selves. After all, you don’t think I’ll be stupid enough to get cursed myself, do you? Granted, I was going to use some of these duncenoggins, but one-dimensional characters taste bland, says Big Mom. Bitch. SO, I decided to wait for you here, since you were obviously going to come. I would say that I’m late for reporting to Big Mom, BUT WE’RE IN THE PAST now, aren’t we? Which means there’s no time like the now. Aaaaand the curse should kick in right… now.”

“AAAAAHHH!” The scattered flour started glowing as the crew was trapped in a beam of light. Their souls emerged from their bodies, scattering into glowing, delicious caramels which bore their images.

Stewie disabled the barrier and approached the Raccoon Pirates in their new bodies. Dillon wore a school jersey and a grumpy look, throwing darts at a picture of his father, on a dartboard that appeared outta nowhere. Stewie ate one of Dillon’s caramels. “Yuck! The way you idolize your father disgusts me. I’ll have no more of that.” He stuffed the rest into a sack, then approached Haylee, who began smashing a birdhouse as much as she could. “I say, Haylee, fix that ’tude of yours! AH HA HA ha ha!” He tasted Haylee’s caramel, then approached Artie, who appeared less than intelligent, as a big, buff caveman. “Hmmm, not a taste that dazzles me, since I already have it. BAZING!” Stewie approached Carol, once again in her poor-girl appearance as she searched her dusty pockets. “Mmm, and they said money couldn’t buy happiness! And I begged to differ. HA!”

He then approached Kirie’s caramels, and- “Oh my GOOOD, didjuseethatlightshow?? ItremindedmeofthisreallyawesomepartyIwentto wheretheguyswereall singin’ and dancing youeverbeentoapartylikethat ‘causeI’dsureliketogo, butonlyifmymomtakesme ’causeshegetsreallyangrywhenIgooutand-”

Stewie gritted his teeth in aggravation, tasting one of Kirie’s caramels. “Haaaa, never has silence tasted so sweet. Alright, I’ll taste the rest of them later, grab the rest and let’s get going.” Kirie continued chattering in the background.

After the minions did so, Stewie dropped the return pad and got on. “Errrr how’re we all gonna fit?” a Tediz asked.

“Siiigh, alright, I guess a few of us will go, and one will have to go back to pick up others.” Stewie sighed. “Okay, you two, get on.”

Two Shy Guys flinched and got on the return pad, warping to the present. “Wh-Wh-Wh-Wh-What are we gonna DO, guys??” Chris questioned, shuddering like a little baby.

“I dunno, but like, who CARES, ya know?” Aurora proclaimed, in a very fashionable dress-up. “I just wanna go out and buy ALL the latest things, you know!”

“You’re wasting your money.” Carol stated. “I just wanna go out and dance with all the pretty birdies! All that stuff with money is just a big hassle, why don’t we all just be like the animals?”

“Uck, it’s so DARK here, when is the sun gonna come up?” Haruka asked, dressed in a pretty pink dress with bright blonde hair.

“Maybe when ya STOP YACKING, ya dumb girl!” Mason shouted.

Present time

Stewie and the Shy Guys reappeared as he ordered one, “Alright, go back and bring the others, I wanna get out of here as soon as we can.” The minion nodded and warped back to that point. “And Rupert, I thought I told you to guard the machine! Ugh, didn’t even try to bring up the courage to pick up that gun, did you?”

“…” The teddybear on the chair remained still and motionless.

“Siiigh, ho well, might as well try out these other caramels.” He grabbed and tossed a Chris caramel in his mouth. “Mmmm, leadership- oooh, spicy, wanna get involved with him!” He perked. He then ate Mason’s. “Okay, kind of caring- OOK, it’s gas!” Stewie gripped his stomach as it rumbled. He ate Haruka’s. “Blech, goth, never any flavor in that.” Ate Aurora’s. “Stronger leadership, faith in her friends, yadda-yadda- wait, why does it taste so cold all of a sudden?” He ate Harry’s. “Siiigh, great, more of that Black stuff, thought I had enough from Rallo. Aaaand last but not least is…” He pulled out Sheila’s caramel, which bore the image of Sheila ready to punch. Stewie munched the treat. “…Hmm… well, that’s different… It tastes good… like…like a… eeeYAAAAH!” Everything around him turned bright white.

“Nnnnuh, nnnrrruh, nnnnRRUH!” Sheila Frantic broke free of her caramel prison, appearing in a glowing yellowish-brown space.

“Nnnnuh, where am I? … …Mmmmmommy?” Stewie echoed.

“NnnnnAAAH!” Sheila ran forth with a punch.

“UWAH!” Stewie went flying back. “Ow, what the hell?!”

“GIVE US BACK our CARAMELS, you DUNCE!”

“Well, someone doesn’t have their personal thesaurus.” Stewie stood and brushed off. “Strange, what the deuce is this?” He viewed around at all the floating caramels of the Raccoon Crew’s images. “It appears to be some internal, spiritual reality based around their souls.”

“Smart little baby.” Stewie looked as Haylee was fixing a doghouse. “Each person’s caramel contains a small fraction of their personality or trait. Eat too many and they might just get to you. Like Sheila’s fighting spirit!”

“EeeeEEYUH!” Sheila ran to throw another punch.

“DOW!” Stewie went flying again. He got up to see Sheila running at him, so he whipped out his shock ray to stun her in place.

“EEE HA HA HA HA!” He looked over confusedly as Carol was trying to smooch Mason. “Ohhh, my Maseyfairy, I love you so MUCH! Let me buy you stuff with my buhmillions of dollars!”

“Gyaaaah, you have a creepy personality, Carol! Nnnnn I’M gettin’ outta here, UWAAAAHH!” He ran away as Carol chased.

That’s when a beat reached Stewie’s ears, and he looked to see Harry dancing to rap music, with large stereos booming at his sides. “Y’all y’all, baby be trappin’ us in a CARAMEL ’mension, all these voices in ’is head gonna BUILD up with tension, he gonna scatter up all our souls, huh, well after he eat us, we gonna eat ’im up.”

While Stewie was distracted, Kirie was very quietly painting his clothes black, with a flame on his chest. “What the deuce?” Stewie turned around, but Kirie slipped behind and placed a black wig on his head. With a happy smile, she ran away before Stewie noticed.

“Maaasoooon? MAAASOOON?” Carol searched wanderingly for her boyfriend. Her eyes widened when she spotted Stewie, dressed exactly like Mason. “THERE’S my Masoooon!”

“Hmm?” Stewie looked with fright as Carol dashed over. “DAAH!” He was immediately tackled and pelted with smooches. “D’oh, what are you blind?! I’m NOT Mason! Our heights don’t match at all!”

“EEEYUH!” Sheila ran and punched Stewie in the face again.

“DAAH! Get away from me, you monstrosi-” Stewie tried to run, but bumped into the foot of a giant robot. He looked up and gasped at the robot of Nolan York in his Sandman outfit.

“Hey guys, check it out!” Dillon perked. “I had Artie build me a Dad robot! You think my dad’ll love it? I love my dad so much!”

“You poor, poor fool…” Stewie shook his head.

“Yeah, but it gets the job done.” Artie said. “Check this out.” He pressed a button, revealing a bunch of missiles that aimed at Stewie.

“Yuh-oh. AAAAAHHH!” The baby quickly ran as the missiles launched, but- “MMP!” Sheila punched him away again. “Oh damn it aaaaaaall!” The missiles exploded on Stewie and flung him around. “Oof! Huh?” He landed on an operating table as Haylee hammered wooden cuffs to pin him down.

“Call me Haylee Gilligan, construction worker.” Haylee said proudly, holding the hammer over her shoulder. “And call Haruka, Doctor.”

Stewie looked with fear as Haruka raised a syringe, smirking evilly. “This baby’s late for vaccination. Blood-veins up.”

“Nonono-NAAAHH,” Haruka stuck him, “ohhhhhhh…” He felt very woozy.

“I think he’s getting pretty tuckered out.” Aurora smiled.

“Any ideas how to get us outta here?” Chris asked.

“We could try to mind-trick him!” Haylee perked. “We’ll make him return the caramels to us, then our normal bodies can share them and we’ll be back to normal! We only have to share one to get all our personalities back.”

“Alright.” Chris fist-palmed. “Aurora, let’s-”

“UUUUHHH-” Sheila once again ran to punch him.

“STOP IT, Sheila!” Haruka and Mason held her back.

“Sheesh, what’s got into her??” Mason questioned.

“AH’M GONNA KICK HIS LITTLE BABY BUM!!”

“Yo yo yo, the true is ob’, tha’s Sheila’s dark side doin’ it all.” Harry sang.

“So her dark side is her really destructive personality.” Aurora observed.

“Hu-hu-hu, it’s scary-y.” Mason shuddered.

“Big coward.” Haruka said, disbelieved.

“Just keep her back, let’s try this.” Aurora said as she and Chris approached Stewie. The baby still wore tired eyes as Aurora moaned in a spooky voice. “Oooooohhh. Steeeewwwiiieee. We are ghoooooosts and we are going to haaaaunt yoooouu.”

“Yeah, real original.” Chris said.

“Just do it.”

“Ooooohh. I’m a spooky ghooooost. Do what I saaaay and we will leave you alooooone until you antagonize us again. Returrrrn the carameeeels. Returrrrrn the carameeeels. Or diiiiiee the same way we killed Eustaaaace.”

“That episode was freaking creepy.” Harry said.

Back in the real world, the Shy Guys stared confusedly at Stewie’s unconscious form. “Waaah? Wah-waaaah?” One poked him.

The creatures jumped when Stewie finally woke up, dizzy and zombie-like. “Iiii like… jump-rope.” He wobbled to the time machine. “And CAKES and… jellybeeeans. Ohhhh…how I want… Jeremy Irons.” He entered the date and warped back.

Guatemala, Past

Stewie returned to the transformed Raccoon Pirates and tossed their respective caramels beside each of them. “WAAAH!” The terrified Chris shuddered when Stewie spilled his caramels. “Wh-Wh-Wh-Wh-What are these???”

“I dunno, but like, you think this dress makes me look fat, ’cause being skinny is ALL the rage right now!” Aurora perked.

“Oh, I know right, these clothes are so colorful!” Haruka beamed. She picked up one of her caramels. “Ooooh prettyyyy! Whaddyou DO with theeese?”

“You’re supposed to SHARE THEM WITH EACH OTHER, ya tool-brained SLOB!” Mason shouted.

“Uh! Huffy-PUFFY.”

“Awwww they’re so shiny!” Carol beamed, dancing lovingly. “I wanna share them with ALL the townspeople, and throw a PARADE for them, ALL at my cost!”

“Hmph. I wonder if these’re good enough to choke a man.” Dillon said, glaring at his father’s picture.

“Ugh…ugh-ugh.” Artie said.

“Your sense is most erroneous.” Everyone looked at Harry, dressed like a complete dork and speaking with a nerdy tone. “It’s unblemished that the will of our very souls has subjugated Stewie’s very mind and indoctrinated him into delivering us our pieces so that we may distribute and revert to our original well-being.”

“Heythatremindsmeofthisreallyawesomestory whereliketheSandmanorsomethingputeveryonetosleep butthenthesekidsinvadedhisdreamsandliketotallyscaredhim sothenhewokeeverybodyupbutthenhewastooterrifiedtosleep Ican’trememberwhatshowthatwasIthinkitwasPowerpuffGirlsorsomething theyusedtohavereallyawesomeshowsonCartoonNetwork Idunnowhatcaused’emtoslumpsobadmaybeit’s’causeofratings Ireallywishtheywouldgobacktowhen-”

Harry gave Kirie his caramel, and in a flash, he was back to normal. “HO, thank whatever god made music! I ain’t understand what I was sayin’-”

“OOOOOH pretty caramel, didjuknowtherewasastoryaboutaguywhoateacaramel Idun’rememberhisname, buthehadthisreallyfunny-”

“Kirie, gimme one o’ yours.”

“OKAY!” Kirie excitedly did so, and her body flashed. Nothing changed about her, but she was silent as a stone.

“Ahhhh…peace.” Harry sighed in relief, the pain in his ears gone.

“Masoooon you’re so BLEAK, why-don’tchu liven UP more, try on some fancy clothes! You ever heard that bright colors make you a nicer person?” Haruka bragged to her brother.

Fuming in aggravation, Mason readied to punch her. “Here, give ’er this, it’s poison.” Harry said, giving him a caramel.

Mason perked and handed Haruka the delicacy. “Here, Haruka. Eat this.” he spoke psychotically.

“Oooh, thank you, Mas-” She was surprised when Mason flashed and turned back to normal.

“I’M BACK! Haruka, gimme one o’ yours!”

“Sheesh, make up your mind-” Haruka gave him hers, and changed back. “…Oh!”

“Uh…uh-uh.” Artie looked when Harry gestured to give him a caramel. The caveboy confusedly did so, and changed back. “Excelsior.”

Haylee was furiously smashing the ruins with her wrench, until Kirie chucked a caramel at her head. She gave a happy wave, and Haylee angrily tossed it back. In a flash, she was back to normal. She frantically began fixing the ruins with her hammer.

While Dillon was tossing darts at his dad’s picture, Haruka slipped a caramel in his stack, then jumped in his way when he tossed it, catching the treat. Once again, Dillon was back.

“Aurora Dear, would YOU like one of my caramels?” Carol asked graciously.

“Thank you, Car-” The moment she took it, Carol was back in her rich dress.

“GIMME THAT!” she demanded.

“Okaaaay!” Aurora gave it back, changed to normal, and Carol greedily ate her caramel.

The kids then approached Chris, who was still shuddering in fear. “It’s okay, Chris.” Aurora assured caringly. “Just give us a caramel. It’ll be all right.”

Chris picked up a caramel and reached for Aurora with the greatest hesitation. Finally, he dropped it in her hand, and was back to normal. “WOOHOOOO! I’m not a SCAREDY anymore!” he fist-pumped.

“Sigh, glad that’s over.” Aurora said. “Let’s hurry and warp back.”

But Mason felt something was missing. “Um…where’s Sheila?” (Play “Gate of Time” from Zelda: Skyward Sword.)

They looked behind a ruin and saw Sheila’s feet sticking out. Mason curiously approached, and there Sheila sat. In total gloom and misery, wearing bland gray clothes. The vibrance she once bore, the endless enthusiasm, was all gone. Just an empty husk of what she once was. …And don’t be confused, I’m not saying she’s dead. :P

“Um… Sheila?” Mason reached to touch her. She stabbed his hand with a knife. “Ow!”

“What’s the point anymore… nothin’ even matters. We play… we live… we die… and whaddo we do? Life’s just a big… nothin’. And it’s hardly even worth it… there’s so much pain… so much heartbreak. No one even cares… I just wanna die.”

Mason couldn’t believe he was hearing this from her mouth. It really struck him. She was always so full of life… always excited to see new things. The way this curse changes people… it was terrible.

Mason looked at Sheila’s caramels. They contained what she was. One had her joyous smile, the smile that made him forget his worries. One had her confident smirk, ready to take on a new challenge. One with her mouth wide and arms in the air, feeling the rush of excitement. To think that everything that made her so vibrant… could vanish in a second.

Mason picked up one of her caramels and tried to put it in her hand. “Sheila, please… share this caramel with me. Come on…”

“What’s the point… it’ll be gone soon enough.”

“Come on, can’t you do this one thing??”

“What’s one thing… in this empty world.”

“…Siiigh. You’re right, Sheila.” Mason sat beside her, having finally given in. “Things really don’t matter. I thought I could have fun with you forever… but I guess that’s impossible. Things always change in the end… life ends too short. Sometimes it’s easier just to… do it now. …Can you at least take one of those caramels and shove it down my throat so I choke?”

“Siiigh… okay then.” And with no enthusiasm, Sheila weakly placed a caramel in his mouth, not even trying to see that he choked. Before they knew it, Sheila started shaking as well. Her body lit up the sky as her color returned, and she was on her feet.

“OW!!” She immediately punched Mason’s noggin.

“Don’t EVUH let me hear you say that AGAIN!”

“Heh heh heh, no sirree!” Never was he more happy to rub his noggin.

“Well, now we got the Magic Caramels!” Aurora beamed, throwing the rest in a bag.

“STREWTH!” Sheila cheered. “Let’s throw ’em in the fryer and see ’ow they taste COOKED!”

Mason looked at Stewie’s unconscious body with the utmost disgust. “What’s with you?” Haruka asked.

“…Anyone who’d try to activate this curse is just terrible. Why would you wanna sacrifice what makes a person who they are just for some dumb candy??”

“Henrietta, apparently.” Haylee said.

“Why you so hung up on it?” Aurora asked.

Mason sighed. “Never mind. …Let’s go.”

They threw Stewie’s return pad on the ground, having to go in pairs of three to warp back, then sending one of the three back to get others. It was soon Aurora, Mason, and Dillon left. “Wait! We can’t just leave him.” Aurora indicated Stewie.

“So what, he’s one of the bad guys.” Mason said.

“Leave no kid behind.” Dillon said. “We may be pirates, but we’re still KND at heart. Besides… it’s what Dad would do.”

“Siiigh. Fine.” Mason begrudgingly grabbed the baby and warped back with him.

Present time

They left Stewie at the island and sailed away on their ship, the sun beginning to set. “Well, that’s 4 Wonders out of 8.” Aurora recapped. “The Big Moms have one, Licorice Stalks are up for grabs, that’s just two to find.”

“Blimey, then le’s get some shuteye.” Sheila said. “I feel like I just exerted all me strength beatin’ a baby.” She walked into the cabin.

Mason looked out at the sunset with a hateful look. “Big Mom… first you threaten to eat people… but you’re the one who wanted that ritual set in motion. The Annoyingly Cute Triplets were actually the same… that’s how they always got their cake. Can’t imagine how many people they destroyed just to make it. And it’s not just them… the rabbit…. drawing blood for the licorice… it’s hardly even worth it to find some of these Wonders. That’s just how bad you people are, though. But just wait, Big Mom… when we find you… Sheila’s gonna repay you for all that badness… right in your slobbering teeth.” Mason went in to go to bed with the others.

The Big Ma’am sailed by Stewie’s island to find the baby dizzy. Black John sighed in annoyance, figuring he’d failed. “Waaaahhh…that baby looks kinda cuddly.” Sir Knightly said.

“…” With no hesitation, John grabbed the knight, shoved him in a cannon, and aimed at the sky. “…Oh-” Sir Knightly flew like a rocket to the red heavens. “Yaaaa-haaaaaa.” Twinkle.

You won’t believe what a stump I had for this chapter. By the way, I started watching Bleach, so be prepared. ;I Also, when Kirie was all chattery, she was based off of Goo from Foster’s. Here’s a bonus one-shot that introduces a new character!

Rivals

Uno Household

“Snooooore…shoooo…snoooore…shoooo…”

BEEEP! BEEEP! BEE-

Cheren’s hand plopped onto the alarm clock as he rolled over. This was on accident, though, as he was still fast asleep. It was only when 10 more minutes passed that the morning sun peered through his window, forcing his tired eyes to open. Still not wanting to wake up, he squinted his eyes at his clock, almost certain it would’ve gone off by now. …It read 7:10.

“AAAAAH! OH GOD, WHAT HAPPENED, I’M LATE, I’M LATE!” He zipped downstairs.

In seconds, he was in his clothes with his backpack packed, zooming out the door. “Wait!” His father, Nigel called. “Your mom made you-”

“There’s no TIME for that, I’m late I’m late!”

Five minutes later, the bus arrived, but Cheren was far ahead of it. He only needed a few more blocks ‘til he was at the school and victory would be assured. “NOT so fast, boy!” Already beside him, the very reason he rushed out so quickly: to beat Panini Drilovsky.

“YOU AREN’T BEATING ME THIS TIME!”

“Ay’m not just Rabbit Ears, AY’M Rabbit Legs! And YER eatin’ my dust!”

Their speed was unreal, and definitely equally matched. It looked like anyone’s game as they were seconds from Gallagher’s front doors. But with a little more pulse, Panini ran a few inches ahead of Cheren, and busted down the door while Cheren slipped in defeat. Many children and teachers jumped in surprise. "YYYYES! STOMPED ya again, Boy!”

“FIRST ONE TO CLASS!” The duo began another dash, in which they took separate routes around the halls. Cheren was nearly to victory, but-

“SNAGGED IT!” Panini threw the door open first and let Cheren slam into it. The boy fell on his back, then felt someone standing over him.

“Uhhh…hi, Mom.” His mother, who was the school principal, looked disapprovingly.

“Cheren, how many times do we have to go over this. The 200 Wing is the better shortcut, not the 300.”

“Uuugh. I knew it was one or the other.”

He walked in in a slumped fashion and took his seat beside a smirking Panini. “At least I listen to my mummy.”

“First one to beat today’s quiz!”

“Ah’ll do that and MORE!” They grabbed their papers and began to scribble frantically.

From outside, Aurora, Francis, Harry, and Artie watched them. “They’re at it again.” Aurora said.

“There some kinda rivalry-bug goin’ around?” Harry asked.

“Yeah, I mean, everybody’s doing it. Just look at those two.” Artie pointed.

“Er! Outta my way, Shortstuff!” The group turned to find First Grade President, Jessie Sidney, trying to force his way into a classroom. He was locked in a shoving contest with a girl in a dark-purple two-piece swimsuit, purple towel-cape, bare feet, and purple crown with a shell crest. They knew her as Princess Shelly Johnson, local beach bully and Fourth Grade President (or rather, Queen).

“Suck a sand dune, you big-footed freak!” Jessie had both hands shoving her face while Shelly’s foot was pressed against his. “I’m taking the window seat!”

“You can have the other one, BEHIND ME.” With a forceful kick, Jessie was down and Shelly had claimed the seat. “Nnn hnn hnn hnn hnnn!” Shelly’s infamous snicker that drove Jessie crazy whenever she did it. “The queen takes the front!”

“Great.” Jessie frowned, begrudgingly taking the seat behind her. “You get to be the first one to be shot, *** princess.”

“HE CUSSED!!” the other students screamed.

“It’s only friendly rivalry.” Sandy Sidney told them with a smile.

“ROCK ON!”

“See you for the pudding-eating contest.” Shelly smirked. And for the rest of that class, Jessie’s view of the chalkboard was blocked by Shelly’s crown.

That lunch bell…

“Grrrr!” Cheren and Panini rushed down the lunch line to claim their favorite foods first, and several other groups were in the scuffle as well. A brother and sister were locked in an endless staring contest, two boys were trying to stay on one foot all day, and a boy and two girls were going the whole day without talking, trying to outlast the other. The action everyone was most focused on was at Table 3, where all five Grade Presidents engaged in pudding-eating contests, since the young ones couldn't ingest many hotdogs. :P

They had many cups of chocolate pudding and were hurriedly trying to swallow them all before the others. The Third Grade conked out first out of hopelessness, the Second Grade started choking and was forced to stop and start breathing in his inhaler. The Fifth Grade almost made it, but he got a stomachache, so Jessie and Shelly were the only ones left. Jessie could swallow a lot for a 7-year-old, but Shelly’s stomach wasn’t bursting anytime soon. The girl showed pure gusto when eating her pudding, but that only tempted Jessie to eat faster.

“All right! Jessie’s about to make it!” Timmy Gilligan cheered, his support followed by Hikari and Joey’s.

But thinking fast, Shelly smirked and- “Haaaa, aaaah, aaaCHOO!” forced her knees against the table and shook Jessie’s pudding cups off.

“HEY!”

Shelly quickly cut open her last three cups and chugged them down. “WOOHOO! VICTORY!” She fist-pumped, chocolate around her mouth.

“I hereby decree SHELLY the winner!” Principal Rachel announced.

“YEAH! UH-HUH! I’m queen of the beach and QUEEN of the pudding! Nnne hnn hnn hnnnn!” Shelly jumped on the table and raised her arms victoriously. “Hey, later we’ll have a contest to see who can clog the toilet the most.” She smirked, flicking Jessie’s nose with her toe.

“Uhhh, Principal Rachel, was there really a contest scheduled for this?” a teacher asked her.

“Not really.”

Outside

The first-graders and fourth-graders engaged in a soccer game, with Jessie protecting his team’s goal. The score was even 6-to-6, and Shelly had the ball, lightly kicking it up and down. “This is the finishing blow, Shorty. Think that little gut of yours can withstand my foot?”

“I’ve dealt with babies that kicked harder than you!”

“We’ll see about that!” She focused tight on the goal, and the foreign boy that blocked it. Just as well, Jessie stood firmly and kept a sharp eye on the ball, ready to block it wherever it went. Shelly kicked it a little higher, jumped, and with all her might, sent it hurling to the goal like a meteor. It came awfully fast, but Jessie wasn’t afraid. He would stand and block it like the Great Wall. You know, before the aliens destroyed it. With a witty grin, Shelly shifted her left foot back.

“Whoa!” Jessie became unbalanced, right when the ball came and SOCKED him in the face, into the net with the ball.

“YEAH!!!” Shelly felt as prideful as she did a few minutes ago. “Shelly kicks butt and she kicks BALLS! …Why did that sound weird? But hey, Shorts, at least you’ll be making some money offa those lost teeth. KNIGHTS! Your princess grows weary! Carry her to her bundles of chocolate-chip cookies and fountain of the finest juices!”

“HO HOOOO!” Three knights in conchshell armor came and lifted Shelly in their arms, carrying their leader away.

Jessie remained with his hands tied in the net’s strings, not feeling the strength to help himself out. Cheren approached him with blue shoes and blue jacket, as opposed to his red clothes. “Don’t worry. I heard she just has a little snack pack and one of those boxed juices.”

“The *** are you wearing?”

“Eh, Panini beat me in the pie-eating contest and made me paint my clothes blurpleberry.”

“Siiiigh.” Jessie leaned his head back. “What’s the point anymore. Ever since I was in kindergarten, Shelly’s kicked my butt in everything. *** bigfoot. *** big kids. How can I represent the First Grade if I can’t even beat a dumb beach bully?”

“Heh heh heh. I know how you feel.” He sat beside him. “You won’t believe how much I try to beat Panini at stuff.”

“There’s a difference, you two are *** lovebirds. Shelly’s just… uuuugh. I can’t stand her. She thinks she owns the whole school just ‘cause her older cousins follow her around everywhere, and she totally CHEATS at our contests. I hope her house burns down and she has to walk on a bunch of shattered glass.”

“Well, even if they’re bullies, the good thing about rivals is, they help shape who you are and help hone your skills. It’s good to have people that’ll keep you active and ready, ‘cause then-”

“Look, did I ask for a lecture from a *** 4^th-grader?”

“Well, YOU need to work on your ’tude.” he said more angrily. “How’s about we meet up for Gun Wars later after I race Panini around the school and to the buses?”

“It’s a match then!” Jessie decided.

“See you then.” Cheren walked away with an eager smirk, leaving Sandy to untie her brother’s hands.

Ashland Park

The rivalry game continued elsewhere, too. At Ashland Park, many kids gaped as two stone pillars rose from the ground, one higher than the other. Fybi Fulbright flew up to confirm this. “Prithee, Michelle hath claimed this victory again.”

“NOT fair, you were stomping softer soil!” Anthony yelled.

“I was NOT, you just had softer feets!” Michelle argued.

“We’ll see whose is softer after yours goes tumbling down!” He stomped an earthquake at Michelle’s pillar, but accidentally made it higher, while also causing his own pillar to crumble.

“Awwwww! Thank you, Anthonyyyy!”

“Aaaauugh!”

Downtown Cleveland; The Gang’s Hideout

Kimaya Heartly chugged down three sodas and let them bubble in her stomach. “BUUUUUURRP!” She released a loud, smelly burp that blew tiny Kateenian, Vweeb away. “Top THAT, Shrimpy.”

“Heh!” With a witty smirk, Vweeb hopped atop a soda can, stuck an extended straw down, and sucked it in. His belly filled with the fizziness, he released his burp. “Buuuu- WHOA!” He ended up blowing himself off the can.

“HA HA HA HA! It’s fun to see you try, Little Dude!”

“Grrrr WELL AT LEAST I STILL BEAT YOU IN THE HYGIENE COMPETITION, that’s the only reason I didn’t win-” Kimaya just smashed Vweeb under her hand.

“That’s okay, ‘cause I smash yo’ butt in everything else.”

“OOOH! OOOH!” Kaleo Anderson, who was still a 20-foot giant due to recent events, spoke eagerly. “I BET I CAN TOP HER!” He grabbed four six-packs of sodas and swallowed them whole.

“LEO, NOOO!” They all screamed.

As people casually walked the streets above ground, the whole city jumped for a brief second. No one ever found out what that was.

Back at Gallagher…

“YOU’RE DOING MY HOMEWORK TODAY, PANINI.” Cheren declared as the two raced around the halls.

“Not before ya polish my BOOTS!” They zipped by the principal’s office as Rachel stepped out.

“CHEREEEEN! 400 Wing’s getting mopped tomorrow, may wanna run across the lockers.”

“’kaaaaaay.”

Rachel went back in her office to continue signing papers. One of the teachers walked in and asked confusedly, “Um, Mrs. Uno… are you really okay with students running around like this? I mean, it can’t really be healthy to eat pudding that fast…”

“Well, no matter where you’re from, kids’re always gonna have rivals. But it’s not like our usual methods are encouraging them to do their homework, are they?”

“No… they’re not.” He sighed.

Outside, Jessie and Shelly were once again in the struggle to enter the bus first. “Nn, I want the window seat!” yelled Jessie.

“You’re too short to enjoy it, anyway!” The bus was delayed for a while because of their scuffle.

Jessie’s a potty-mouth. :P Lol so meet Shelly Johnson, the daughter of King Sandy Johnson with an unknown mother. I named her after Queen Shelly, who was Sandy’s sister in BND, Sort Of, an old fanfic by lemony anemone. Same story with Chris or Angie basically. :P I was gonna introduce her in Seven Lights, but she deserved a more proper introduction, since she’s now one of my favorites. Let it be known, she has quite a few secrets.

…

…

Spoiler alert: The Sector V group DOES know Sir Knightly. Both generations.

Chapter Text

This next Wonder was kind of foreshadowed way back in DUTCHMAN.

Chapter 9: Humming Ghost

Sunny Day

“CHRIIIIIS!” Sheila screamed from the keel, her face more ecstatic than ever. “What’s that NOOOOIIISE?”

The Uno was banging a Rock Candy crystal against a cannon. “Borrowed one of Haylee’s Rock Candies, I wanna see what this thing’s made of.”

“Haylee’s not gonna LIKE THAAAAAT!”

“So, where’re we going?” Dillon asked.

“Wherever the wind takes us, Mate!” Sheila responded. “It’s feelin’ really promising today! I feel chilly in me toes just thinking about it!”

After yesterday’s events, Mason’s never been more happy to hear her excited voice. Her joyous spirit made this sunny day complete.

“I can’t think of any more Sugary Wonders.” Haylee said. “I remember the ones my mom told me about, but any after that, I just can’t.”

Maybe we can ask a MERMAID! Kirie beamed, fishing on the port side. I just KNOW we’ll catch one today! They like sunny days, you know.

“Kirie, for the last time,” Chris said, fishing at the starboard, “no mermaid would be stupid enough to let a random pirate ship see them, let alone fall for something like a-” At that moment, a force began pulling his lure around. “Whoa! I got something!”

“Hope it’s not another Great Marlin.” Haylee said.

Chris stood firm on the railing and pulled hard on the pole. The lure moved around and around, then finally swam to the ship. The force shot from the water and tackled Chris. “Ohh!!” Everyone gaped in awe.

A beautiful mermaid with pink hair, pink eyes, pink tailfin, tannish skin, and a white tank-top, angrily pulled the hook from her hair. “Geez, watch where you’re aiming that thing!” She stuck it in Chris’s hair.

AIEEEEEEEEEEEE! Kirie signed louder than she ever gestured. I KNEW IT!! I KNEW we would find a mermaid!!

“Ack.” Chris pulled the hook out, still pinned under the 10-year-old mermaid. “Well, it’s not like I can see beneath the ocean! What’re you doing getting caught in it?”

“I’m on a mission for the Ocean Kids Next Door to recruit fish to carry our cargo. I mean, you humans use hamsters and the Minish use those little colorful things. (And the GKND use different colorful things.) And we mermen have aquatic telepathy that lets us speak to fish, so it’s easy.”

“Well, can you use that telepathy to summon some fish to our oven, ’cause Chris isn’t doing a good job.” Haylee said.

Chris shot her a glare. “Caught this brat, didn’t I? Speaking of which, can you get off of me?”

“Awww, but don’t male humans fantasize this type of occurrence?” She brushed her pink hair in a pretty fashion.

“You look like my ugly cousin, THAT’S why!!”

With a grumpy look, she smacked him with her tail and hopped off. She sat on the deck. “Anyway, I’ve seen you guys somewhere. You fought in the Viridi War.”

“Yeah, we were Sector V.” Aurora said.

“But NOW we’re Raccoon Pirates.” Sheila confirmed.

“Oh yeah, that old pirate crew?” she asked. “I heard about them. Are you Gold-Fist Marine?”

“Sunny-Fist Sheila.” she said proudly. “And pretty soon, Big Mum will see it up close.”

“‘Big Mum’? …You mean the Big Mom Pirates?!”

“You know them?” Harry asked.

“Yeah, info gets around. You know the story of how Davy Jones destroyed Oceana, right?” They nodded. “The truth is, after Jones was beaten, the mermen needed help rebuilding, so Big Mom sent some of her subordinates to help them. Kyogre also agreed to let their crew offer protection from other opposing forces. But every month, they wanted a shipment of candies from our Candy Factory, candies only available in Oceana. And if we break the deal, Big Mom will have Oceana destroyed again. Kyogre doesn’t wanna take that chance; both Jones and Big Mom were Pirate Emperors, after all.”

“Why doesn’t Kyogre just fight them off?” Aurora asked.

“After giving birth to two kids, he’s not as strong as he used to be. Especially since one’s a Firstborn. But that’s why candy supplies run low in Oceana, and as Kids Next Door, we’re against that. But we’d be risking our kingdom by trying to fight them, so what can ya do. Honestly, I don’t see why they don’t bother the Skypians. I mean, THEY have a whole region made of cotton candy.”

“Come again?” Haylee perked.

“There’s a series of Island Clouds in Skypia made of cotton candy. They call ‘em the Cotton Clouds. I heard the only way up there for humans is to climb a Magic Jellybeanstalk, grown with Magic Jellybeans.”

“Where can we get these jellybeans?” Haylee asked.

“They’re actually kind of close. It’s only rumors, but they apparently exist in a cavern island within a fog. Legend says, a group of pirates found the beans a hundred years ago, but never could find out what they were for. They passed away, and their ship wandered off into the fog. It’s said to be inside the cavern, but the entrance it took got closed.”

“Then let’s sail off and get it!” Mason perked. “Right, Sheila? …Sheila?” Their raccoon captain looked a little nervous.

“Err, by any chance… this ship ain’t haunted, is it?”

“No one knows.” The mermaid shrugged. “But some mermen claim to hear the eerie moaning coming from the cavern depths.”

“Er- M-Maybe we find the beans some othuh place, aye?” Sheila shuddered.

“Sheila, are you afraid of ghosts?” Aurora chuckled.

“N-No, of course not, who would be afraid o’ something like that?” She sweated.

“Your mom was.” Chris reminded.

“Ahhh, she’s old time, I’M the captain now, and I ain’t afraid o’ NOTHIN’!”

“Well, if you wanna see it, I’ll show the way. My name’s Sara, so things don’t get complicated.” Sara said. “Anyway, let’s go. But no forking me with hooks!” She jumped in the sea and swam ahead of the vessel.

A few miles later…

The seas soon became misty and bleak, and the sun blocked. The crewmates kept an eye out for any monsters, and a close eye on Sara’s shadow as she guided them from under the water. Mason looked at Sheila, standing in place and shuddering frantically, glancing both ways. “Heh, you don’t think any ghosts’ll come out, huh?” he asked.

“Naaah, of course not, Mate. I mean, ghosts are ‘bout as real as-”

“HEY!” Sara shot from the water.

“AAAAH!” Sheila shot up like a bullet, gripping tight to the sail’s top.

“You might wanna stop the ship now, plenty of reefs coming. The entrance to the cave is completely blocked, but there’s a cavern beneath here that eventually leads in.”

“Will you go with us?” Haruka asked.

“You crazy, I’m not going in there. WAY too many ghosts.”

“EEEK!” Sheila held the sail tighter. “Uhhhhh m-m-maybe you blokes go ahead, aye? Scout the area an’ let me know when it’s safe.”

“Okay, we will, Sheila.” Mason chuckled. “But if we see any ripper things, we’ll come back and tell you all about-”

Sheila immediately dropped and rushed to the railing. “I’M SEEING THOSE THINGS FIRST!” She dove into the water.

“Well-p, that settles it.” Mason grabbed Haruka’s hand. “I’ll help you swim this time.”

“Hm hm!” She smiled and nodded.

“WILL YOU help me swim TOO, Mason?” Carol beamed, taking his arm.

He pushed her away. “Let Chris help you. He likes ladies.” He and Haruka dove in. Carol huffed while Chris looked with disbelief. (Play “Deep Dark Galaxy” from Mario Galaxy.)

Stage 11: Haunted Cove

Mission: Find the Magic Jellybeans.

The underwater tunnel went fairly deep, but the mist didn’t reach this low. Glowing sea anemones lit their path, as did jellyfish which brimmed an eerie blue. The kids soon resurfaced inside an underground cave where Boos roamed around. Sheila punched at them with Light Spheres, but they merely poofed for a brief moment before coming back. They bypassed the Boos and approached a tunnel at the end of the room, but it was sealed by boulders. Sheila spun her fist and attempted to punch the rubble, but it barely budged. They investigated the cavern and found a black Boo in the farther left corner. Chris grabbed him by the tongue and swung him around, careful not to smash him against any of the surrounding jagged rocks. He made it to the tunnel and smashed the Bomb Boo against the rubble, blowing it open.

They trekked the snaky tunnel and came to an area with a chasm, and small bubbles blowing from the other side. Sheila ate a nearby Shrink Sweet and used her miniaturized height to hop the bubbles. On the other side, she ate a Growth Gum, then found a mysterious mushroom sticking from the wall. She punched the shroom and caused the cave to shake, making the glowing anemones in the walls retract. The cave became dark, and before their eyes, skinny Ghost Ropes appeared over the chasm. The others swung the ropes to get across, before the anemones returned and made the ghosts vanish.

They entered a wider cave that went up a few stories, and Circle Boos floating around a few areas. Close to the center of the room was a wide, ghostly ladder, and when Sheila grabbed it, it began to stretch upward, with a bottom end following it. Sheila kept climbing up and away from the bottom, but the ladder began to shift left, down, and generally change direction around the room. On the way, some of the Circle Boos phased through the ladder, so Sheila had to navigate around. Eventually, the ladder led her to an enclosing on a higher wall, where she punched a Quake Shroom. The entire room became dark as Ghost Ropes made a path to a tunnel connecting to the ceiling.

Sheila jumped down as the crew began to swing the ropes around the room, but they disappeared every few seconds at random times, causing the group to fall back down. They eventually made it to the cave up top, finding the rest of the tunnel was underwater. The tunnel was nearly pitch-black, and they had to use anglerghosts to find their way through. They reached a surface and saw a Ghost Rope hovering close to the wall. They had to Wall Jump off, grab the ghost, and wait for a higher ghost to appear before swinging to and kicking off the wall to grab it. Of course, since there was only one set of ghosts, they had to take turns.

They eventually swung to a tunnel, which led upward and into a misty cave. There were a couple long boats parked at the shore, so they got in and calmly rowed across. (End song.)

The seemingly endless mist put a chill down their spines. A monster could easily ambush them from the depths, and they’d never see it coming. They almost thought this was the Underworld, and they were rowing across Sanzu to their doom.

But then, a mysterious tune reached their ears: an eerie, but cheery echo of a violin. The way the notes strummed, Sheila’s ears perked, her eyes wide. She recognized this tune. And it was her favorite. They sailed a little closer, and through the mist, they could make out a ship: a ship with a keel designed like a sun with a smiling lion’s face. It was dusty, but looked to be in very nice shape. Barely any scratches, it made them wonder how it could sail in here, no one piloting. …Or was there.

“Yohohohoooo yo ho ho hoooo, yohohohoooo, yooo ho ho hoooo. Yohohohoooo yo ho ho hoooo, yohohohoooo, yooo ho ho hoooo.” A majestic, male’s voice echoed throughout the caverns. Sheila smiled and nodded her head to the song.

Gather up all the crew!

Time to ship out Bink’s-a brew

Sea wind blows to where, who knows?

The waves will be our guuuuide!

O’er across the ocean’s tide

The sunset is goin’ wild

See the sky! The birds singing in cirrrcles passing by!

Yohohohoooo yo ho ho hoooo

Yohohohoooo, yooo ho ho hoooo

Yohohohoooo yo ho ho hoooo

Yohohohoooo, yooo ho ho hoooo

The kids climbed on the deck, and standing across was a slim, shadowed man playing a violin. They faced his back, and saw he wore a black tux and a black afro. It was too dark to see, but it looked as though his hands were… bones?

Finally, the man stopped, lowering his arms. In just seconds, he whipped around, revealing his boney face. “VISITOOOORRRS!”

“AAAAAAAHHHHH!” Their hair stood straight, and their color faded. (Play “Village Harbor (the second part)” from One Piece!)

“Yooo hohohoooo! I haven’t had visitors in so LONG! WELCOME, children! Let me whip up some nice cups of tea, yohohoHOOOO!” He went inside, and came out with a wide plate of 11 cups of tea. “Here you go.” He lowered it to the kids.

They stared frightfully, but sipped the tea anyway. “Uhhh… thanks, Mister-” Aurora began.

“Please, call me Brook. I see you are terrified, but don’t be. Oh, but… I have no eyes. Yohohohoooo!”

“Blimey, this guy’s a riot!” Sheila perked. “I say we add him to our crew!”

“Really? Well, okay.” Brook said.

“YOU CAN’T JOIN!!” they all screamed.

“He has to be like, eighty-hundred years old!” Aurora said.

“Yohohoho! 190, actually. It was just 100 years… the most unbelievable cataclysm sent us flying to this world! None of us survived! Zoro-san… Jimbei-san… Sanji-san… why even-” Brook whimpered, “Miss Nami-chan! OHHHH THOSE BEAUTIFUL PANTIIIEEES.”

“YOU’RE A PERVERT!!” the girls screamed.

“Yes, well… I would ask to see yours, but… I have no eyes. Also, you’re too young, yo hohohoho!”

The girls furrowed their shut eyes. “You’re ridiculous.” Haruka said. “But how come YOU’RE still alive?”

“Ahh, you see, I ate a magic fruit that allowed me to come back to life. As bones. Only my hair resides, and I’ve been clinging to it ever since. But my crewmates passed, all of them. Except… the captain. Monkey D. Luffy.” (End song.) Brook looked up in remembrance. “He was a real legend. A true King of the Pirates. Even though his moment of stardom didn’t last long. He risked it all to save our world… saved everyone from the cataclysm. He told us not to come, but… we chose to die with him. We didn’t know what would happen, but the force blew us to this world. But Luffy, who was in the very center… went somewhere else. We have no idea. But… we have this one trinket, to keep our memory of him: his straw hat…” He indicated the withered hat on the helm.

“That story sounds familiar.” Aurora said. “A similar thing happened to Negatar Gnaa…”

“Hmmm, I don’t know him.” Brook said. “Nevertheless, knowing we couldn’t join Luffy makes me weep. Even though… I have no tear ducts. But after my crew’s passing, I sailed the ship around for a good place to let it rest. On my journeys, I found a pair of strange, colorful beans. I had no idea what to do with them… so I kept them as a memento of our last adventure.”

“BLIMEY, Brook, them’s the beans we’re LOOKIN’ for!” Sheila beamed.

“Oh?”

“Yeah!” Aurora perked. “We’re on an adventure too, and we need those!”

“Hmmm…then perhaps… my destiny has been to one day give them to you. Very well…” He pulled his pants down, and the beans fell from his boney butt. “There you go.”

“WE DON’T WANT ’EM NOW.”

Sheila picked up the beans and slid them in her pocket. “Young raccoon child… what is your name?” Brook asked.

She smirked. “Ah’m Sunny-Fist Sheila!”

“Sheila… that spirit in your soul… it’s a bright one. I can sense it. Even though… my body’s lost any will to sense, yo hohohoho. Perhaps… Luffy’s soul now resides in you. A reincarnation… if you will. If you could do me a favor… take Luffy’s straw hat with you. You don’t have to wear it, but… show it to people… and let them know… Luffy was a great man… who had great adventures.”

Sheila touched her fist to her chest. “Ah will, Mate.”

Sheila walked up to the helm and put on the straw hat. In Brook’s eyes… it made her look more spirited than before. Of course… he had no eyes. “Anyway… you all probably don’t want to make your way through that cavern. I sealed this cave with my ice powers. I’ll remove the barrier for you.”

“Are you an icebender?” Aurora asked.

“I don’t know what that is. But my visit to the Underworld has allowed me to channel its cold chi. By doing so… I can create ice.”

“Hmmm…” This reminded Aurora of something.

“I wish you luck with your quest. And… when you get older… would you girls show me your panties?”

“NO!!”

“Yoooohohoooo!”

Sunny Day

The crew sailed away from the fog and under sunny skies, Sheila twirling the straw hat around her finger. “You know, Ah’m not much of a hat person. But it makes a nice memento.”

“Well, we have the Magic Jellybeans.” Haylee said. “Where do we plant the beanstalk?”

“I heard the only place that has the right soil is the Flower Field on Dressrosa, in the Pacific Ocean.” Sara explained. “The Flower Field’s in the northernmost part of the island, and where the Cotton Clouds are located above.”

“Alright, then to Pacific we go.”

“Specifically, where in the Pacific? Hm hm hm!” Artie joked.

“You know where Dressrosa is, it’s around the south.” Haylee said, disbelieved.

“Also, you have to water it with soda, since it’s candy-related.” Sara said.

“Just soda? No blood?”

“Uhhh… no.”

“Then I’m okay.”

“Well, if you are, then I need to get back to my mission. Good luck on yours.” Sara waved and sunk beneath the water.

Bye-byyyeeee! Kirie waved.

“Hey Sheila, that song the skeleton was singing… it’s the same song you always sing on missions!” Mason remembered. “What’s it called, again?”

“Oi, it’s called Binks’ Sake! It’s ‘n old tune pirates used to sing in days of old! No wonder old Bones knows it. That song captures the spirit of what pirates should be about!” She pumped both fists. “That THRILL of adventure, that EXCITEMENT of what’s gonna happen next on this unpredictable sea! Sure, everyone THINKS they know the sea now, but I KNOW there’s new things left to discover! And I’m gonna SEE them all! I’m SUNNY-FIST SHEILA!!”

At this point, she was expressing too much spirit for Mason to handle. It just made him so… happy. “Yeah, um… can I… tell you something, Sheila?” He scratched his head with a sheepish smile.

“Sure, Mate! These ears ain’t for show!”

“…” He walked a little closer. “Sheila… I just wanna say… I don’t know where I’d be without you. I mean… you’ve opened my eyes to… what life is really about. And… I don’t think I can be away from you for very long. Because… you’re just so fun. And you could probably make anyone happy.” Sheila noticed the blush on his cheeks. “That’s why… I’m really glad you’re on our team. It’s also why… well… I kind of… um…love-”

Sheila touched a finger to his lips. “Ya don’t have to say it, Mate. It’s plain as day.”

“…He.” He blushed.

“So, going to Dressrosa might take a couple days.” Haylee informed. “I propose we just enter the island from the north and avoid chatting with Sector DR.”

“Then ANOTHUH few days of sailing awaits!” Sheila cheered. “Let’s CELEBRATE WITH A SONG! YOHOHOHOOOO, YO ho ho HOOOO, YOHOHOHOOOO, yo hoho hooooo.” She joyously stomped her feet to the song, and Mason shook his hips. The others wore looks of disbelief, but Kirie danced as well, and Chris couldn’t help but follow along. The cruise to Dressrosa became a lively one, at least until nightfall.

Cotton Clouds

“WaaaaaAAAHHH!” Sir Knightly collided with a large lollipop on a fluffy white cloud, headfirst. “Ohhhh…” He fell unconscious.

For hours and hours, he lay there. Just a lump of dead pots and pans bunched into a dummy. Night came, and he still lay there. The sky was bright with sunlight again as a bird flapped over and pecked Knightly’s unconscious body. “Nnnnn…” Knightly awoke, scaring the bird away. “Ehn?” He looked around. Although the pan covered his face, he was probably pretty confused. But he looked as dense as the pans he was covered in. He got to his feet and stood for a few seconds. “Blap… blap… BUULAP. Blap. Blap. BULUGAP.

“NUU-U-U-U-U. NUU-U-U-U-U.” He shook and made the sound-effect of a machinegun. “PFFFFB-B-B-B. NEEEIIIGH. NEEEIGH.” He started galloping about like a horse. “NEEEEEI-I-I-I-I-GH-GH-GH. Meeeeh?” He looked at a group of birds perched along the side of a cloud. “…Br-r-r-r-r. Br-r-r-r-r. Brrr! Brrr!” He crouched and started flapping. “BRRRP!” He jumped off his cloud, hovered a few seconds, then fell. “WAAAAH- ooh- ahh, ow!” He bounced down another cloud slope, laying face-flat on the bottom.

“Owwww…” He stood up, rubbing his helmet. “Well, that was fun… hmm, where am I? Candy…” He looked at all the giant candies. “Candy candy… hmmmmm… Aren’t there those things we’re lookin’ for? I wonder what those were. Somethin’ to do with candy. Hmmmm…” He rubbed his finger against his pan, where his chin would be. He stood thinking and thinking… night soon came, and he still stood thinking. The sun came up again. “Aha! John-senpai is lookiiing… FOR LOLLIPOPS! AHHHH HA HA-” His legs whirled, and he ran against a large lollipop. “Awwwww.” He fell on his back as birds circled above his face. “Or maybe something else. …Hoh?”

He peeked over the edge, seeing a small pirate ship in the distance. “OIIII! It’s Raccoon-senpaaaaais! But- awwwww… I’m not FRIENDS with theeeeem. Oh well. Lap lap!” He stood and looked both ways. “Nnnnn!” He hurried off.

Approaching Dressrosa

“Okay, Dressrosa’s coming into view.” Haylee said.

“Looks kind of bland from here.” Artie observed.

“Well, most of the island is surrounded by rocky cliffs. Anyway, let’s sail around to the north end and climb up to the Flower Field.”

“OIIIII! HELLOOO, DRESSROSAAAA-” Harry snapped Sheila’s mouth shut.

“We ain’t supposed to let ‘em know we’re here.”

“Awwww, but I wanna go on an adventuh in there!”

“Heh heh, I do too, Sheila, but one of the Corporate Presidents lives there, and he’s a creep.” Mason said. “Besides, Sky Islands are way prettier.”

They docked the boat by the northern cliffside and made the arduous climb up the cliff. “Nnnnn!” Chris grunted as he was forced to carry Carol on his shoulders (huh, so that’s why she’s named that).

“Come on, Chris, aren’t you stronger than that? How else am I expected to get up this cliff.”

“So… heavy…”

“Chris, don’t you have rocket shoes?” Aurora asked.

“No, we can’t bring 4x4, remember. …But I have rocket FEET!”

“WhoooOOAAA!” Carol held tight as Chris flew up with Rocket Boost. They landed at the edge of the Flower Field where Sheila already waited.

“WHOOOOAA!” The raccoon’s eyes lit up at the colorful field of flowers. She ran forward and plopped on her back, making a flower angel. “Ha ha ha ha! This place is so PRETTYYYY! Oi, I feel the colors rubbing off on me! Mates, grab a bundle o’ these and-”

“AIIEEEEEEEE!” A light screaming reached Sheila’s ears. She turned and vaguely saw the tiny angry Minish in the forest of flowers. “YOU DESTROYED OUR HOUSES!!”

“Whoops. Hehe! Sorry ‘bout that!” Sheila grinned. She got up and brushed all the flowers off her back and rear.

“Yeah, that helps.” Harry said, disbelieved.

“Ummm… maybe you blokes can help us.” Sheila said, half-embarrassed. “Know any place we can plant Jellybeanstalk Seeds?”

“Sigh, there’s a barren patch of land further down that way.” a Minish replied with annoyance. “We can’t ever grow any plants there, and the legends say it’s meant for candy plants. Which we don’t have.”

“Well, prepare ta have some!” Sheila beamed, tossing the jellybeans in her hand. “Thanks for the point, Mate!” She walked ahead.

“And, sorry about the flowers!” Haylee said with a sheepish grin. “We’ll plant new ones later if you want.”

They found the empty patch of ground as Sheila buried the jellybeans underneath. “So how long do these Jellybeanstalks usually take?” she asked.

“My mom once said they take about 2 weeks to grow.” Haylee replied.

“TWO WEEKS? Ahhhhh, I can’t wait ta have an adventure THAT long.”

“Well, we can always see what Silver Flurp does.” Mason said, pulling out the soda. “We need soda to water it either way.” He cracked it open and poured it onto the patch.

“WHOOOA!” The earth quaked as the beanstalk sprouted fast as that. They stared agape as the beanstalk grew and grew all the way to the cloudy heavens. The Minish were taken by surprise as well, seeing a plant of impossible size towering over their forest. A lot of branches appeared from the stalk, sprouting jellybeans and other candy plants.

“Silver Flurp, what will you do next!” Haylee beamed.

“Golden Flurp.” Mason remarked.

“Ah’ll have a sip o’ that!” Sheila decided. “Now le’s get CLIMBING!” She was quick to climb the tasty stalk, and the others joined her.

“CARRY ME, Chrissie!” Carol hopped on Chris’s shoulders.

“Siiiigh.” He begrudgingly climbed with her riding. (Play “Cloudy Climb” from Paper Mario.)

The crew finally climbed to the top of the beanstalk and set foot on the clouds. It was the most magical place they’ve ever seen: giant candies on a sea of endless, colorful clouds. Giant donuts with the shiniest glaze, ice cream that looked as if one lick would send you in an eternal dream… this was the very image of Candy Heaven itself.

“It’s so beautiful…” Haylee spoke with dreamy eyes.

Sheila slipped off her sandals and wiggled her toes on the soft cloud. “Oi, me feet’s nevuh felt so relaxed… this is my ideal paradise, Mate.”

Haylee picked a piece of cloud off and ate it. “Mine, too. These clouds are made of cotton candy!”

Sheila ripped a piece off with her toes and ate. “STREWTH, Mate! A land where you can eat the ground, you’ll NEVER go hungry!”

“To think all the people that live here don’t have a clue what toothpaste is.” Harry said.

“Right then, enough gawkin’! Let’s see all the sugary wonder this wonderland has ta offer! And may the sun always be above our heads!”

Stage 12: Cotton Clouds

Mission: Find the Sugary Wonder.

The crew walked forward and hopped down a stairway of floating clouds; but first Kirie hopped on a nearby cloud that floated upward, bringing her to a higher cloud with a Gold Wonka Bar. The stairway brought them to a larger cloud where some Dark Puffs emerged from the cloud and lunged at them. Chris evaded and tossed fireballs at the puffs, easily evaporating the clouds. More Dark Puffs kept appearing, and as they searched around the cloud, they found no way to go. Three Dark Puffs appeared before Mason, so he shook a soda to spray it at them, causing the Puffs to swell up, looking dizzy. “Hey, guys, grab on!” he yelled when the Puffs drifted upward. They all climbed onto the Puffs as they floated to a higher Island Cloud.

They hopped off before the Dark Puffs shrunk, landing on a cloud where Cotton Candy Sheep of many colors roamed. They looked peaceful and harmless, and Kirie couldn’t resist going up to one and petting it lovingly. There were several fenced areas of the respective colors, and it looked as though a tiny being was holding a normal-size rake. They walked over and looked down at it with wonder.

“Wooow! Big people! Hello, Big People!” She joyously waved. She was an adorable, humanoid creature with big brown eyes, white hair, and red dress. She looked no bigger than two inches.

“Awwww! It’s a Cotton Fairy!” Haylee beamed.

“I am, I am! Could you help me, Big People? All my sheep got away from their pens. They’re so big, it’s hard to catch them. If you bring them back to their colored pens, I’ll share with you my Bounce Gum.”

“Awww, who could ignore a tiny face like thaaaat?” Haylee cooed.

“You think they make good eatin’?” Sheila asked.

“Eeeeep! Please don’t eat me, Big Person! I’ll never be able to protect myself. I’m just too teeny!”

Sheila wept and sniffled, “It’s so freakin’ adorable.”

With that, they went around to gather all the sheep. Chris tried to pull a pink one, but it wouldn’t budge. So instead, he burned its butt with a flame and made it hop back to its fence. Kirie lightly patted a yellow sheep and spoke with it telepathically. It obediently followed her to its fence and went inside. Mason startled a green sheep to going to its fence by making it sniff his gas. Carol lured green sheep to their pen by, as always, wiggling her money at them. And as Sheila stared mindlessly at a white sheep, she sent it flying to its pen with a single punch.

They kept this up for the rest of them until they were all in. They returned to the fairy for their reward. “Gee, thank you Big People! That was nice. Here’s my Bounce Gum!” She opened the roof of her tiny, doll-size barn nearby as a Growth Gum puffed out.

“Awwww you’re all just too adorable I can’t stand it!” Haylee shook giddily.

They each grabbed a Bounce Gum and saw a stairway of cloud platforms with candycane spikes. The gum allowed them to bounce up the platforms to a new cloud. A tall, blue Bubble Plant was sprouted and letting bubbles flow to another distant cloud. The bubbles were of reasonable height to let the crew bounce across them. The new cloud they reached was rather small, but had a small fountain of orange soda (and guess who loves Orange Soda).

“Hey, it’s Fizzy Lifting Soda!” Haylee beamed. “It makes you float like a Fudgepuffsicle, but you don’t puff, and you can float freely. Well, until it wears off, so make sure you aren’t over a pit.”

“Ooooh, let me try!” Carol excitedly sipped a drink of the soda. “Whoooaa!” They stared as she floated up lightly, as if there were no gravity. “Hehehehe! WOW, this is GREAT! I never felt so FREEEE!” She soared away from the cloud.

The others took a drink and began to fly around with zero weight. It soon became their favorite Candy Power. Swimming on air as if it were water, with fluffy clouds under a warm sunny sky. It truly felt like Heaven, and their souls were free from the bonds that were their body.

“Hahahaha! I feel like a fairy!” Carol smiled gleefully. “I could just float up here all… BUUUURP! Whooooaa!” She flipped her parasol open to keep from falling.

“Orrr… for a few minutes.” Mason remarked. “Let’s get more.”

They drank more soda before flying to the nearest higher cloud within range. It was a yellow cloud, where Ruff Puffs roamed. These yellow clouds charged and zapped lightning at the crew, very painfully as Artie could tell you when he got shocked. They saw another Cotton Fairy, this time in a yellow dress, standing by a large container.

“Oooooh! It’s big people! Hello, Big People! Did you fly here like birdies?”

“We mo-st certa-inly did, yo-u cut-ie.” Haylee cooed.

“Maybe you can help me! My power generator’s run out of energy, and it needs Ruff Puffs. If you get them for me, you can use the Rock Candy to ride my platform.”

“No offense guys, but they aren’t really THAT cute.” Haruka noted.

“Ooooh! You have a pretty rose, Big Person! I wanna take a nap in it, and CUDDLE around ‘til I’m NICE and cozy!”

“You c-an use i-t when-ev-er you wa-nt, lit-tle one.” Haruka blushed giddily.

Mason shook some soda and sprayed it on the Ruff Puffs, but instead of inflating, their electricity sparkled furiously and released a deadly shock at the boy. Chris had an idea and approached a group of Puffs, letting them shoot lightning and catching it on his fingertips. He sent the lightning back at a Puff, straight into the mouth and making the creature, well, puff. He fell softly to the ground as a round cloud ball, which Chris kicked over into the capsule. He nodded with Aurora as the two used Lightning Redirection to catch lightning and fill the Puffs with it, then kicking them to the capsule. Once it was totally stuffed with cloud, the machine sparked with its electric, and the treadmill platform was activated.

“Yay! Now my generator’s up and running! You can roll on the platform to make it go uppy. Thank you, Big People!”

“No problem. And may I just say, you are just too cu-u-u-ute!” Haylee shook.

“Teeheeheehee! Thank you! My cuteness works on suckers every time.”

“Eeeeee- Excuse me?”

“Teeheeheehee! I’m only TEASING!”

“AWWWWW!” They all cooed. Her high-pitch voice was irresistible.

They each took a Rock Candy and took turns rolling on the platform to make it float upward, and disabled the candy when it reached the cloud. From there, they just had to jump a series of large, spinning lollipop platforms. The platforms brought them to a trio of giant, chocolate-glazed donut rings, floating horizontally. There was an outer one, a center one, and a middle one between the two. But before they could set foot, something fell from the sky. (Pause song.)

“YaaaaaAAAAH!” Sir Knightly landed forcefully on the middle donut.

“YOU again?”

“Waheeeeey! It’s my amigo-senpaaaaais!”

“YOUR LANGUAGES ARE ALL MIXED UP.”

“Humaaaa kāṭā ēkaṭi birati haaatē.” he moaned. “I just wanted to go down the sled with you.”

“That’s Jar Jar, isn’t it.” Haruka said with disbelief.

“My vote’s on Toiletnator.” Chris replied.

“You have to go poopie?”

“NO WE DO NOT!”

“Oolaaaah. What’m I doing up here? Let’s see, haaaah… o-oh!! I have to stop you senpaaaaiiis!”

“DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT SENPAI MEANS?”

“La-. Laaaaa. I only started saying that recently. But more importantly: fight meeeee!”

“Uuuuh.” Sheila sighed. “Just stand back, mates. I’ll ‘ave this bozo whooped out easy.” (Play the “Deadly Six” theme from Sonic Lost World.)

“SO IT BE! Then a GONG YIIII TANPAI!” He leaped onto the outer donut as Sheila joined him.

Sub-boss: Sir Knightly

Sir Knightly shook frantically and flailed his arms while running at Sheila, and the raccoon easily countered with a punch. Sir Knightly leapt to the other ring, then behind Sheila as he punched her away. Sheila ran at him in attempt to punch, but Knightly jumped behind again and punched her away. She decided to run from the knight and Ground Pound the Starburst switches, causing a similar-colored lollipop top to emerge somewhere on the rings’ path. Already feeling like this was a cliché platform game boss, Sheila ran from Knightly to look for the green lolli. It was on the center ring, so she lured Knightly there and fired a sideways Light Sphere, knocking him dizzy for a few seconds.

She jumped to the green switch, and when Knightly recovered and turned to run at her, she hit the switch and made Knightly trip on the lolli, making him fall face-flat. She jumped back and proceeded to jump on the knight, and a light jump was all it took. His body squished shorter for a brief moment before popping back and stomping with anger. He then jumped through the center hole and grabbed its insides with both hands and feet. The donuts all flipped vertically, making Sheila quickly get on the outer donut’s interior.

The donuts began spinning as Knightly made his center donut bounce around, bumping the inside of the middle donut and making sharp Lollidarts pop out the other side. Sheila evaded the lollies and used her Mobian speed to run up and around her outer donut. She looked at where the lollies stuck out of the middle donut, and when those areas rolled to the top, she could Ground Pound them and send the lollies inside, hitting and breaking parts of Knightly’s donut. When his donut was completely destroyed, he began running on the middle donut’s ring, stomping Lollidarts wherever they were in attempt to strike Sheila. She countered by Ground Pounding Lollidarts opposite to him, and one strike was enough to deal damage.

The donuts returned horizontal as Sir Knightly shook with anger. He leaped to the opposite end of the outer donut from Sheila and Ground Pounded, and Sheila quickly jumped to the middle one before the outer tilted back and forth furiously. Knightly repeated this process for the middle one, so Sheila jumped back to the outer, and Knightly kept trying to fling her this way. Seeing his obvious weakness, Sheila got him to Ground Pound the middle one again, and when it slowed to a stable, she Ground Pounded the opposite end from Knightly, causing him to fling and land on the outer one. Knocked out, Sheila leapt over to jump on him one last time. (End song.)

“Neeeeeaaaarr hee-, huhuhuhuhuhuhuhu.” He shuddered in midair for a bit before falling on his back. A trio of watermelons from Donkey Kong 64 popped out as his body faded.

“…I’ll never understand that.” Haylee said.

“Let’s keep goin’.” Harry said. (Resume “Cloudy Climb”.)

Across the donut rings was a small cloud with Fudgepuffsicles, which they used to drift up to a light-blue cloud. This cloud was actually cold with snow, and Ice Puffs emerging. Sheila ran forward to punch one, but it blew ice breath and froze her solid. A river ran through the island, coming from a higher cloud via parallel waterfalls. The crew lured the Ice Puffs to the falls and made them blow on them, freezing both falls solid so the crew could Wall Jump.

They made it onto another snow cloud where a tiny blue-dressed Cotton Fairy was shoveling snow with a tiny shovel. “Ooooh! Humans! Hello, humans. You’re so BIIIIG!”

“Yes, and you’re so ibby-bibby-CUTiiiiee!” Haylee cooed.

“Do you think you can help me? My house is buried, and there’s far too much snow for my tiny shovel to dig. If you could dig it for me, I’ll show you my fountain.”

“If you think that cute voice is gonna work-” Chris said.

“Oooohh! You look ESPECIALLY strong! I bet you have muscles, Mr. Big Strong Guy!”

“We-e-e-ell since you asked-” Chris tossed a light flame and melted the snow off her dollhouse.

“Geeee! Thank you, Big Human! Now I’ll be warm and cozy! Use my fountain as BIIIG thanks!” She pushed a button, opening a secret hatch with a Fizzy Lift Fountain. “Just over there is our teeny town! They’ll point you to Cotton Hill, where lies our deLICIOUS Rainbow Lolli!”

“We wi-ll never for-get your kind-ne-ss.” Haylee squeed.

They drank the orange soda and floated to a larger Island Cloud, with a tiny, expansive village of tiny Cotton Fairies. It didn’t take long for the citizens to notice a band of giants enter their village. “Hey! Big people! Look, everyone! Big people are here!”

“HAAAAAIIIIIII!”

“AAAAHH I just can’t stand all this cuteness!” Haylee shook.

Haruka bent down with a friendly smile, “Hello, little guys! We’re here for something called a, um… Rainbow Lolli, I guess. Can you show us?”

“Of course we can! We’re happy, too! And may we say, your raccoon friend has the FLUFFIEST tail! We’d like to snuggle in it during the cooold, cooold winters!”

“Well, mah tail IS pretty fluffy…” Sheila spoke sheepishly.

“Hey Fairy People, whaddo you think of my dress?” Carol asked, dancing lightly and waving her dress.

“It’s very pretty! You must be a princess, and own a BIIIG castle!”

“Well, people HAVE always told me that-”

“Yokay, that’s enough.” Haylee stated. “Just show us the lolli.”

“Right this way! But be warned. There’s a BIG mean Puffy guarding it.”

A Cotton Fairy guided them around some city streets, leading them to a small hill with a huge, colorful glowing lollipop at the top. “Couldn’t we’ve seen that from there?” Harry asked.

“That’s our delicious Rainbow Lolli! It’s made of all the colors of the rainbow. And nega-rainbow! When it’s sunny, colors are bright! When it’s dark, colors are saaaad. I’ll let you try it yourself! But be careful, like I saaaaid.” She skipped away.

“I might just kidnap one of these things.” Carol said.

“You got enough pets.” Mason replied.

They stepped up the hill and grabbed the Rainbow Lolli’s hilt, trying to pull it out. “Heeeey. What’re you all doing on my cloud?” (End song.)

The cotton ground beneath them shook, and a big gray cloud with pale-orange eyes emerged. “You better not be tryin’ to take my Rainbow Lolli. For I am Huff N. Puff.”

“Been a while since we had a Paper Mario boss.” Harry commented.

“See, this Rainbow Lolli is MINE. ’Cause I’m old and cranky. And I want nice things. So I’m keeping it!”

“And just what diabolical plan would you have for keeping it?” Artie asked quizzically.

“Because I’m a mean, unhappy cloud. It makes people happy, so I’m keeping it. So they can’t be happy!”

“This story officially got too babyish.” Artie sighed.

“I dunno why you kids want this, but if it’ll make you happy, you’re not getting it! Get readyyyy for a whoopin’.” He shook furiously and destroyed the ground beneath them, then flew ahead of them down a straight, cloudy shaft. (Play Huff N. Puff’s Theme from Paper Mario.)

Boss fight: Huff N. Puff (and Slytherin ;) Nah, just kidding)

The pirates plummeted down the shaft of clouds as Huff N. Puff threw beams of lightning up at them. They navigated around the lightning and took land on a cloud-made foothold. Huff N. Puff inhaled and shook the ground, summoning a group of Dark Puffs. Sheila saw a Fizzy Lift Fountain and drank the orange soda, flying above the mean cloud and attempting a Ground Pound, only for Huff N. Puff to dodge. The huffing cloud inhaled some of the Dark Puffs and sent them at the raccoon, Sheila dodging a few of the hits, but got pelted by the last one. Mason noticed how Huff puffed when he inhaled those Puffs, so he tossed a Gas Bomb that bumped Huff’s head, making him face the boy angrily.

Mason sprayed soda on some of the Dark Puffs so they’d increase, and when Huff N. Puff huffed them up, he became a little too buff (oi, Nintendo, you picked that name on purpose). He rolled around as a large ball, allowing Sheila to float above him with the Fizzy Lift, then deal a Ground Pound that made him pop like a balloon. He shook with anger and became a dark-yellow cloud, destroying the ground again and dropping them down another shaft. He threw bigger jolts of lightning and created electric barriers, forcing them to carefully navigate through the holes in the barriers.

They took land once more on a yellow ground, where Ruff Puffs emerged. Chris and Aurora knew what they had to do, but Huff N. Puff intervened by sending shock currents along the ground. Sheila distracted him by making him dodge Light Spheres, and Mason’s Gas Bombs. Chris and Aurora redirected lightning back into the Ruff Puffs to puff them, then let Huff N. Puff suck them in to become his chubby self. Sheila drank the Lifting Drink from the fountain and was about to Ground Pound him, but noticed Huff N. Puff’s body was electrified. However, there was a platform with Rock Candy, which Sheila ate to encase herself in a sphere. She charged momentum, then launched at Huff N. Puff with enough force to shove him against the wall and pop him.

Huff N. Puff shook and turned blue, destroying the ground again. During their descent, the cloud boss blew ice beams that froze Artie, Kirie, and Aurora solid. Aurora broke herself free of the ice; but didn’t emit any fire. She raised a brow. They took land on a blue ground, where Huff N. Puff summoned Ice Puffs. “Sheesh, now we can easily melt him.” Chris said to Aurora, who nodded. With that, both siblings launched fire at the Puff, shrinking him to cotton candy size.

“Huuuuff. Hey! What did you runts do! Ooooh I’m gonna puff you like you never been puffed-” Sheila came at him from behind and swallowed him whole. (End song.)

She licked any discarded pieces off her lips and shuddered from the cold. “S-S-S-S-Strewth! This beast was totally i-i-i-ice cream-flavored! Why didn’t we just eat ’im earlier?”

“AAAAND the day is saved by Sheilaaaa!” Chris exclaimed with mock enthusiasm.

“Agaaaaiiin!” Aurora followed.

“Hey, where’d Carol go?” Mason asked.

Everybody looked up, seeing Carol was slowly drifting down with her parasol. “He he he! Kind of acted on instinct!”

“OI, you COWARD!” Sheila shouted. “Float down faster and FIGHT with us next time!”

“…” Carol’s bright mood vanished.

With the boss defeated, they all used Fizzy Lifting Drinks to hover back to the Sugary Wonder. “So why’s this special, anyway?” Aurora asked.

“I dunno.” Haylee replied. “This Wonder’s totally new to me. The whole reactions to different light are magic, but I wonder what it tastes like?”

“Probably yucky if the weather’s bleak, and delicious when the weather’s bright.” Harry figured.

“Well, let’s take it with us, I guess. Gonna take a lot of room on the ship ’cause of its size.”

Chris and Sheila both hoisted the lolli from its perch and began to carry it back. “You know, I think I saw Aisa from Water 7 on a cloud earlier.” Haruka mentioned.

“Man, what would they be doing up here…” Harry questioned.

Yeeeah… not my favorite chapter. Not even any throwbacks. But hey, this being the 7^th Wonder, we’re getting close to the end. And no, Sir Knightly ain’t dead. :P But if anything important, we met Brook, and he kinda foreshadowed some stuff.

…

Quickie Notes: If you see a dead Cotton Fairy, you’ll cry all day. If you kill one yourself, you’ll cry for a week. If you’re sorry for killing it, and its spirit appears and forgives you, you’ll cry for a month, or longer depending on the tone of cuteness.

Chapter Text

Welcome back to our favorite adventure! Here, the crew’s happy times… will come to a stop.

Chapter 10: And Then There Were Two

Candied Island

“Bluuuurrrve. What is the status on the remaining Sugary Wonders?” Big Mom asked her subordinate.

“Black John called and reported they found Stewie unconscious at his secret base.” Augustus replied, a lollipop in his mouth. “Also, Sir Knightly reported succeeding in letting the Raccoon Pirates take the Rainbow Lolli in Cotton Clouds. He… was not sure on the objective, I think.”

“Muuurrrrrrfff!” Big Mom’s eyes reddened further, gripping her right armrest tight. “The aggravation those runts cause me is increasing! And their power… just how could they have clashed with Grim-Stare Mandy and survive?!”

“Well, because they had help from Henrietta Marzipan. My mom. Nickel Joe’s men reported seeing her, but fell unconscious due to Mandy’s attack, so they aren’t sure on the details. But they’ve deemed it the most likely reason for her defeat.”

“Hnnnn… Candy Hunter Henrietta was in the same crew as Gold-Fist Marine… so of course she would help Marine’s daughter. But those other kids… CAN’T be the other members’ children. Why would they… get mixed in with Gold-Fist?!”

“I don’t know. But looking at the photographs, I recognize one of the members as Haylee Gilligan. My mom’s friend’s daughter who I used to take on adventures with me. I dunno if she’s in Kids Next Door, but her parents were.”

“Maaaaaa?! Every day, they get more suspicious. I just know they have some connection with Kids Next Door! Some elaborate disguise to keep from breaking our deal.”

“So, what? You gonna eat the girl?”

“Hnnnn… the time has come I deal with them once and for all. I will have my officers attack them at once… and THEY will determine once and for all, if these brats are KND-related. And if they are…” Her bloodshot eyes directed to Panini in her cell, her massive teeth drooling, “I’ll have the spiciest pancake I’ve ever feasted…”

Sunny Day

Night fell once more as the crew sailed away from Dressrosa. They had to rest the Rainbow Lolli on the deck, and saw its vibrant rainbow became one with darker, dimmer colors. “’Guess that whole ‘time of day’ thing was true.” Harry observed.

“Wanna test it and taste the test theory?” Haruka asked.

“Uhhh, huh?” asked Mason.

“Ugh. TASTE it and test the TASTE theory!”

“Heheh, I know. But we probably shouldn’t. Have you ever noticed that each Wonder has some kind of curse? Maybe the Blurpleberry and Fourth Flavor weren’t so bad, but, some of the Wonders required some kind of price or sacrifice.”

“Yeah, like killing the bunny. Or drawing the blood for the Licorice.” Aurora recalled. “And what about that Marshmallow? Just what happens after it hatches from its crystal?”

“Who knows.” Haylee said. “Even my mom didn’t know the whole story behind all of them. That’s why the Wonders are wonders. However, there’s one person I can think of that knows almost everything about them: the legendary chocolatier, Willy Wonka.”

“Didn’t Willy Wonka kill a bunch of kids to decide which one was worthy?” Harry asked.

“We can’t meet a guy like that!!” Artie panicked.

“Not like we could.” Haylee said. “He died around 50 years ago. But no one knew more about candy than he did.”

“Then I guess the only thing to do is fish around for another mermaid and ask for help about the Eighth Wonder.” Dillon figured. “But with all of ‘em almost found, the Big Mom Pirates’ll be after us for sure.”

“Ahhhh, let ’em come. Ah’ll send ’em flying with my fists!” Sheila cracked her knuckles. “Not one of those mangy seadogs has beaten us, yet!”

“Yeah, beaten you…” Harry mumbled.

“Whuh was that?”

“Nothin’.”

Mason saw Carol standing by the railing, looking out at the sea. A glum look was on her face as she was lost in thought. “Hey, Carol… you feeling okay?” She turned to Mason.

“Oh, I’m fine.”

“It’s just by now, you’d be demanding me to rub your shoulders or something.” He chuckled sheepishly.

“I guess I’m just a little tired.” She turned back to the sea. “Mason… how did you and your friends get picked for KND?”

“Well, we signed up. ’Course, sometimes you need recommendations, but our parents were actually renowned operatives. Except for Sheila’s. That’s why they decided to take us, I guess.”

“Is that it?”

“No, there was training, too. You go to Antarctica and they test you with the various skills and positions, and see which one you’re best at. Spying, leading, piloting, general fighting, and of course teamwork. You don’t have to be good at everything, but you need at least one notable skill. For most operatives, it’s usually fighting or shooting. Heh, and almost EVERYONE’S a good shooter.”

Carol began to feel doubt. She wasn’t good at anything they do—except throwing her money. But she wasn’t sure many other operatives did that. She hardly fought the major battles during their adventure, she hardly makes the tricky jumps without Mason carrying… and no way she could match up to Sheila’s monstrous strength.

Aurora released a long yawn, “Let’s figure out what to do tomorrow. It’s late, let’s get to bed.”

Everyone went into the cabin to sleep in their hammocks. But Kirie was still up, staring at the pile of Gold Wonka Bars she had collected. She cracked one open, and all it had was the delicious chocolate. She cracked another, but still the lovely delicacy. She cracked another… but to her surprise and wonder, a Golden Ticket. She turned the ticket over, finding part of a map on its back.

She brought all the other candybars outside, opening them all and finding more tickets with maps. She proceeded to line all the tickets like a puzzle, finding the parts of the maps that fit, and taking up most of the deck. The map was still incomplete in some areas, as they didn’t find all of the Wonka Bars. But she had enough to know it was a map of the world. There was a notable “W” near the coast between Canada and Alaska, close to where they were.

She wasn’t sure of the exact direction, it was north but she didn’t know where north was. But all she had to do was lay her bare hands on the tickets, and close her eyes. Her nose perked, facing to the right. She quickly went to grab the helm and began steering the ship that way.

The next morning…

“Uwaaaahhh…” moaned Mason as he and the other tired crewmembers stepped out of the cabin. They were a little surprised to see the ship moving on its own. Mason rushed further onto the deck and saw Kirie steering the helm. “Kirie! What’re you doing?”

The mute girl’s eyes were closed, and showed no signs of hearing him.

Everyone walked up as Haruka waved by her face. “It looks like she’s sleep-steering. ’Wonder how long she was up.”

“Probably a while. Check out this map.” Chris indicated the incomplete map made of Golden Tickets on the deck. Everyone walked over to study the map. “’Guess there was a purpose in those candybars.”

“So much for Golden Tickets being a rare thing.” Aurora mentioned.

“It looks like it’s mainly focused on that ‘W.’” Haruka pointed. “Wonder where it leads.”

“I have an idea.” Dillon responded, noticing the incoming fog.

“Kirie, don’t!” Haylee yelled. “You’ll never be able to see your way through a fog! Especially if your EYES ARE CLOSED.”

Eyes still shut, Kirie looked at Haylee with an assuring smile. They sailed calmly into the fog, their vision almost completely blocked by the utter whiteness. The ship was sailing straight to a jagged rock, and would likely be shattered to a million splinters upon impact. But right away, a blue fairy zipped to their right, and Kirie whipped the ship around. “WHOOOA!” The crew fell over. They were coming to another berg, but a yellow fairy soared left, making Kirie drive that way. A red fairy flew slightly right ahead, so Kirie turned the ship a little. In this blankness, those blue, yellow, and red lights guided Kirie safely through the dangers, even though the other members couldn’t see them.

They eventually made it through the fog, and the fairies left as Kirie sailed them to a deserted island. Still confused, they docked and followed Kirie through a jungle, the child skipping happily as her eyes were still closed. “Blimey, how much can one girl sleepwalk?” Sheila asked.

“She’s dreaming she’s you.” Chris remarked.

“I don’t see any tail.”

They shortly entered some ruins of small, gray structures. Kirie finally stopped and raised a hand for her friends to stop, too. She still had closed eyes as she examined the barren ruin. Her eyes shot open as she signed, It’s yooou!!

“…” They didn’t know who she was talking to.

I never thought I’d find you out here! I mean, my parents didn’t know you very well, but they told me!

…Still blank area.

So what happened? Why are you a ghostie now?

“Who is she talking to?” Haylee stated.

Why don’t my friends see you? It’s not like they’re gonna BITE!

…The air said nothing.

Well, is there anywhere to go?

…At this, Kirie skipped to a rock with a small hole. She stuck her retracted fan in and picked the lock. To their surprise, a secret staircase opened behind it, leading underground.

“Hoo…” Black John’s gigantic owl hovered over the island, seeing the kids before flying off.

The smell of chocolate reached their noses as they followed a deep, underground hall. It was lit with torches, and a strange music echoed, a mix of cheerful and eeriness in its notes. The cave finally led them to a set of four doors as a distant voice spoke. “Ladies and gentlemen… if you are here, that means you have deciphered the puzzle of my Golden Ticket Map. I am pleased to introduce you to, the one and only…” The doors opened as a display of animated robotic children began to sing in a candy wonderland.

“Willy Wonka! Willy Wonka! The amazing chocolatier! Willy Wonka! Willy Wonka! He’s a genius, he is near—Willy WOOONKAAA, HERE HEEE IIIIIIS!” In just seconds, the children all short-circuited and exploded to fireworks.

EEEEEEK! Kirie’s hair stood straight when a severed head landed beside her.

They looked curiously at the burning stage, but nothing seemed to be happening. No one was appearing out of nowhere. The kids shrugged and decided to enter their selves, with Aurora sucking the fires in her hands and absorbing them. It became darker as they progressed, but started to look less like a cave, and more like the lobby of a building. “Eleven strangers… in a strange world…” They turned with a start, seeing an ancient, withered man in a top-hat. Several licorice cords connected to his back, leading into the wall. He weakly stood and limped forward with a cane. “What is real… what is pretend… I’ve long forgotten…” he spoke lowly.

“Uncle FACILIER??” Artie questioned.

“No, Dummy.” Harry said. “That’s…”

“Willy Wonka…” Haylee looked with utter shock.

“Aren’t you supposed to be dead?” Chris asked.

“Fifty years ago, when the demons attacked the world… I tried to protect my factory… by using my magic to transport it to Loompa Land.”

“TOLD you he had magic.” Artie said.

“But the Big Mom Pirates found us… and demanded candy payments. When we refused… they destroyed this place. What remains of my prized factory… now lies underground, with the remaining Oompa-Loompas. This island is rich with strong, sugary life-force, and that’s being used to… keep me alive.”

“But why would you choose to stay alive this long?” Aurora asked. “Not that I’m not afraid of dying, but… it feels a lot easier becoming a spirit.”

“Maybe I felt the need to… wait for somebody. Somebody who will… finally stop the pirates.”

“Just how long have the Big Moms been around?” Chris asked.

“They’ve been around… longer than I can remember. The leaders of each generation… are part of a family with unnaturally adapted sugar levels. Their only lust is candy… especially the Eight Sugary Wonders.”

“Where do the Sugary Wonders come from, anyway?” Dillon asked.

“It’s an old story… It dates back to the First Generation of Kids Next Door. The Supreme Leader wanted to reward his loyal operatives for their victory against the Underworld Army… and wished to bake a cake made from the greatest candies one could find. Of course… such candies were impossible to find… so he pleaded to the gods. Five of the Eight Firstborn granted him seven candies… plucked from a luscious landscape the gods baked long ago during their construction of Earth: Candied Island.

“From those Seven Wonders, the Supreme Leader composed a recipe, using the seven candies and a few extra ingredients… and created the one true cake of his dreams. The cake, which would make any child drool with lust… just by staring. That Supreme Leader… had a sister. And he allowed her the first taste of the cake. That one taste… drove her to madness. She wanted it all, and didn’t want to share with anyone. With the greatest hunger, and most ravenous eyes, she attempted to devour it all. Her brother was warned by the Firstborn, that any cake composed from those Seven Candies would have drastic results, if completely eaten by a single person. That’s why… the brother tried to stop his sister from consuming it… but she wouldn’t listen.

“The candies composed of unnatural powers, granted by the gods, soon resided in the stomach of that one little girl. The unimaginable sugar molded with her bloodstream and DNA. She was no longer human… but a nauseating monster, one that looked so tasty, other kids couldn’t help but try to eat her. But the candies granted her powers, too… powers that matched those of the gods or demons. She destroyed every person that tried to eat her… and became lost from the world. The brother never saw her again.

“However, both people lived, and grew old to get married to have kids of their own, despite the sister’s mutation. However, the sister’s children struggled to survive because of the candied DNA from their mother… and to keep them alive, she transferred her own essence into them. From that moment on… every child down that bloodline was born with unnatural sugar levels and lust for candy. But because of the sister’s death, the Sugary Wonders were reborn in the forms of other candies. The reason for her sacrifice… is that she, herself, would’ve died, regardless. Her sugar levels would’ve fainted, and she’d be a withered sweet, especially if her essence was split. Every child down that bloodline would have the same eventual fate.

“And that is why… the sister stole her brother’s recipe, and passed it down. Each new generation was to find the Seven Wonders and create the cake again, ensuring the bloodline of their children would continue to thrive. They did so… in their quest to find a way they could live in peace, and keep living despite their curses. The last generation to bake the cake… were three triplets, Beth, Amy, and Meg. The virus resided in their mother, inside them all… but the triplets lived, by the powers of their husbands.”

Chris and Aurora were dumbstruck. “Does that mean…” Aurora began.

“The Triplets, a-… Big Mom…” Chris couldn’t finish.

“Amy married the Demon King, Malladus, and Meg married Yin-Yang Spirit, Hannibal… and both demons extracted the curses from their wives. Beth, however… married a normal human, and the curse continued down her bloodline. The newest generation… is now Charlotte Linlin.”

“BIG MOM IS OUR AAAAAUNT!” the Unos and Dimalantas screamed.

“Well, at least you guys don’t have the curse.” Haylee said. “But Mr. Wonka… how do you know all this?”

The man’s head sunk. “My ancestor… was Carl Linlin. The brother. His sister… was Sherry Linlin. The one who fell to the curse… and Charlotte Linlin’s ancestor. (Take note, even though girls were born in the family and got married, they still kept the family name. Except the Triplets, who married demons.) And that is why… Charlotte is desperate to find this cake. Her lifespan is longer than previous generations so far… but she fears falling ill to the curse soon. But as the previous generations searched the Seven Wonders, they gathered a crew of candy connoisseurs and formed their own pirate crew. In time, they started to call their selves the Linlin Pirates, the first pirates to search for candy. They’ve inspired other candy lovers to become Candy Pirate crews themselves.”

“Wait wait wait!” spoke Haylee. “What’s this about SEVEN Wonders, where’s the Eighth Wonder??”

“Oh, right. I’m old, sorry if I’m forgetful. The Eighth Wonder… is Candied Island itself. It isn’t included in the recipe… but it has a great, tremendous oven, the only oven that could possibly bake the Wonders together, into their true, succulent glory.”

“So that means, we’ve basically FOUND all of the Wonders!” Haylee deduced. “Except Easter Bunny and Stalks!”

“Which means the Big Moms will DEFINITELY be after us.” Dillon knew.

“I don’t know what it is you kids are up to… but I caution you. In each generation, the Linlins would do anything for candy. Their sugarified blood-sugar levels… drive them mad.”

“We’ve dealt with worse.” Chris said. “But thanks for the info. We kinda miss the days where these important villain revelations come immediately instead of later.”

“Eh, this still felt kinda random.” Haylee said.

Almost instantly, the entire cave shook. “Well, that’s rude…” Wonka said.

“Uwuuuh, whuwas that?” Sheila moaned, waking up.

“WERE YOU SERIOUSLY ASLEEP THIS WHOLE TIME?!” her friends screamed.

“Never mind, let’s move!” Chris yelled, and they all rushed outside. (Play the “Seer: Descend” theme from Homestuck.)

The cave closed as soon as the kids were out, and rushed through the jungle in fear that their ship was in danger. “The Big Moms might be already-” But when they made it to shore, they stopped with utter fright: indeed, the Big Moms were already here, all their top commanders. Black John with his evil grin, Nickel Joe and his sly grin, Fat Jack and his unchanged, slobbery expression, Stewie, Rallo, and Sir Knightly. The Big Ma’am was parked behind the Sunny, and Maggie was perched atop its sail.

“We’ve let ye kiddies roam around long enough.” John stated. “It’s time ye finally learned… the Sugary Wonders belong to our captain! And any runt who dare say otherwise, belong on her menu.”

“We’ve got ya cornered now, slicks.” Joe flipped. “We’ll give ya a chance to run with pee drippin’ down your pants.”

Sheila wasn’t going to take that. She would take them here, once and for all. “HuuuuUUUUH!” She ran forth, fist spinning and aiming at John, but before it could make contact, Fat Jack jumped in the way, catching Sheila’s fist in his belly and bouncing her away. She tried to recover, but Black John zipped above her and stabbed a Finger Pistol through her stomach. “Ulp!”

John then zipped back beside his cohorts. “…Grrrrr! ATTACK!” Chris declared, and the 10 other crewmembers charged in. Haylee searched around for Maggie, but was startled when a bullet grazed her right waist. She looked up and saw Maggie on the Big Ma’am’s crow’s nest, quite a far distance for her to reach. She growled at the 1-year-old, but before she could think, Maggie blasted a quick round of bullets, grazing many parts of Haylee’s body.

Dillon ran at Nickel Joe, who still kept his sly grin, and the boy dodged as Joe hurled his exploding nickels. Dillon blew Shadow Breath at Joe, but he jumped overhead and tossed toothpicks to bind Dillon’s shoes to the ground. “Hey, Toothpick!” After landing, he looked to face Carol. “How ‘bout an extra 20 CENTS?” She threw a quarter at his face, but he merely smacked it away.

“Heh. That weren’t nearly enough force. Let me show how it’s done.” He held both hands behind his back, his left reaching in his back pocket as it touched a nickel. His right hand was open as another nickel spawned, and he proceeded to flick that at Carol and blow her away. “Waaaaah!”

Artie watched that with worry, and- “Ahem.” gasped when he saw Stewie giving a glare, wielding a ray gun.

Artie shook off his fear and glared determinedly at Stewie. “WAAAAH!” He ran forth, aiming to punch, but Stewie fired his shrink ray and made Artie 2 inches tall. “Ulp!” Artie looked at the giant baby with fright. “Waaaaah!” And ran fast as his little legs could.

Mason and Haruka teamed up and sent poisonous gas at Fat Jack, and Chris and Aurora shot flames to set this gas on fire. But Fat Jack was unphased, as he inhaled all of this gas and fire like it was nothing. His skin turned red in the belly, but he shot the fire straight back and blew the Dimalantas away, while the Unos dodged.

“Eeeeeee!” Tiny Artie ran from Stewie as the larger baby blasted lasers at him, which were obviously far bigger. When Stewie had a clear shot and locked on, a hand swooped and saved Artie from obliteration. He found himself safe in the warmth of Kirie’s sleeves. “Hehe! Thanks, Kir!” he said with great relief.

Kirie smiled to her friend before tucking him under her sweater. She glared at the baby and drew her fans, running to attack him.

After dodging Jack’s attack, Chris ran into Sir Knightly. “Ahooooy! Helloooo, Chrisie-senpaaaai! I hope you enjoyed my watermelons, ‘cause NOW you’ll face THIS:” Chris kept guard as Knightly got in a fighting pose. “HAND TO THE GROUND ATTACK!” He pressed his hand to and gripped the ground tight. “Nnn… that’s it.”

“RAAAAH!” Chris jumped and KICKED Knightly across the head, knocking him down. His flames alit, Chris proceeded to beat Knightly to a pulp, but he couldn’t tell if damage was being done through his armor.

With her brother occupied, Aurora faced a grinning Black John. She punched fire at the pirate, but John used Shave and warped to Aurora’s left, punching her away. She tried to throw more fires that John easily dodged, grabbing Aurora’s shoulder once he made it and throwing her skyward. “Moon Walk!” He jumped as high as her, his fingers ready. “Finger Pistol!”

“Mmmm!” Her eyes widened when the fingers pierced her rear.

“Extended Sentence: 500 MORE YEARS!!” And she flew several meters.

Kirie swiftly dodged Stewie’s missiles and made it to the baby, grabbing the sides of his head, flipping upside-down above him, and KICKING him in the face. Ope! She jumped back when the kick barely budged him at all.

Stewie lightly rubbed his nose. “Sigh, you can never find a good man nowadays to do that.”

What’s WITH this baby?? Kirie questioned. Stewie whipped out a grappling hook and launched it to Kirie, pulling himself over, swinging around to tie her up, and let her fall down.

Artie climbed out the bottom of Kirie’s sweater and frightfully ran, but- “AAAAAHH!” Stewie pinned him under his foot and added pressure. “Aaaaack-k-k…” Artie’s stick-like bones were breaking.

As Harry watched Artie’s tiny form be squished like a stick, and Haylee leaking with blood as a barrage of bullets pierced her… Harry wasn’t sure how to protect them both, but now he wouldn’t need to. “Yo yo, is that best you got?” sang Rallo as Harry began dancing against his will. “Yo’ time is up, you about to get served, pain and ‘miliation like you never heard. Ain’tchu got swag ‘cause you a disgrace, you like a clown after pie done covered your face!”

“Uhh-” Harry shook to his senses, “You think you can break me, ‘cause I tell you some’, this pirate crew gonna kick your bum-”

“Oh you are, just whatchu gonna do, I admit you bust some impressive moves, I ain’t see no butts no gettin’ kicked, when trouble comes knockin’, it’s the floor you lick.”

“Er, but-”

“AAH! NO BUTS! My point is quite clear! You ‘fraidy kitty, no, ‘fraidy DEER. Get in yo’ thick head, you just a wimp! Even yo’ BRAIN’S not as good to match this pimp! Where’s yo’ bustin’ rhymes, yo’ bustin’ groove? I only see bustin’ done by your CAPTAIN, DUDE! Your sailing days now reach their end. The sea NO PLACE for you man, COME BACK when you over TEN!”

And Rallo blasted a storm of music that pelted Harry all around. The older triplet was left a bloody mess as he fell defeated.

Aurora awoke and ran at Black John again, but he easily zipped over and pelted her with Finger Pistols. As Aurora fell to her knees in pain, John tore open a rift to send a swarm of ghouls at the girl. As they all flew through Aurora’s body like nothing, she felt her very strength and energy fade.

“Guh! Guh! Guh! Guh! Guh!” Chris continuously punched Sir Knightly’s helmet, but no sign showed of him taking pain. Chris finally got off after a while, but Sir Knightly jumped to his feet.

“I’m still aliiiive!”

“HUUUU!” Chris tackled him again. “Guh! Guh! Guh! Guh! Guh! Guh!”

Fat Jack leaped above Mason and Haruka and came down with a Ground Pound, but the two dodged aside. Haruka came at him with a Poison Sting and tried to stick his belly, but his thick squishy belly proved impenetrable still. When he bounced her away, Mason sent Gas Bombs at him, but Jack caught them in his mouth and let them explode inside, his belly puffing with little bursts.

With that, Jack pulled out a Shrink Sweet and swallowed, and he now looked the size of a little bouncy rubber ball. “Well, he just made this easier.” Mason exchanged smiles with Haruka.

“Weight-Weight BULLET Bomb.” But fast as a bullet, the little Fat Jack shot at Mason and Haruka, from all directions until they were knocked down completely. Fat Jack ate a Growth Gum and grew to normal size, leaping high in the heavens above Mase and Haru. “Weight-Weight Squishy SQOO.” The twins felt their bones squish under his unbearable weight.

“Shadow Possession!” Dillon stretched his shadow to catch Nickel Joe, but he leapt overhead to throw coins around the shadowbender, exploding and covering Dillon with soot, knocking him out. Joe directed his attention back at Carol, his sly grin making her shudder. He shot over and kicked her in the face, knocking her out just like that.

Sheila gripped her stomach, panting angrily as she recovered. Mason and Haruka crushed under Fat Jack’s weight, Dillon and Carol injured, Artie flattened under Stewie’s foot, Haylee and Harry fallen to Maggie and Rallo’s attacks… there was only Chris, who was mindlessly punching Knightly. But with all the others done, the Big Mom Pirates walked up to Sheila. The raccoon spun her fist, charged over, but Stewie shot his anti-gravity bubble to make her float up. Rallo threw music notes to pop her bubble and damage, then Maggie proceeded to pelt her with bullets. When she fell back down, Fat Jack bounced her to Joe, who forcefully kicked her to John, who raised his cloak of spiked lollies and let Sheila stick. With that, the vice-captain grabbed and threw Sheila away. (End song.)

“HUH! HUH! HUH! HUH!” Chris kept punching Knightly, desperate to beat him. “Huh… huh… huff… siiiigh…” He just couldn’t keep going.

“HYAA-AAH!” The knight kicked Chris off. “NOW YOU fell for my trap! All your beatings gave me power for… AWESOME DEATH OPEN-HAND-THROW ATTACK!” He threw his hand open at Chris. “…That’s it.”

“That’ll do, Sir Knightly.” said Black John as he held Chris up by the hair. “Lala, Dearie. Come out here and confirm something.”

The three-eyed woman came out and pressed her closed left eye to Chris’s right. A band of Tediz also set up the large hologram projector to give Big Mom a view of the show. “The moment of truth is NOW, Big Mom…” Black John said. “The moment we see, once and for all… if these brats are who they aaaarrre.”

Lala carefully skimmed Chris’s mind. He and his sector flew in the storm caused by Phosphora, he fought with the decommissioners against the Teens, and they attended the GKND’s party. A more recent memory, him and Aurora in their house as Cheren spoke with them. “All your boogers are removed from the Code Module. Now that you’re no longer Kids Next Door, you should be able to safely locate Panini and fight these pirates.”

“I sure hope this works…” Aurora said.

Lala pulled away from Chris, who was now barely conscious due to his endless onslaught. “WELL? …WHAT IS IT?” demanded Big Mom.

Lala turned and faced her with all 3 eyes. “…They are Kids Next Door.”

“RAAAAAHH!” Big Mom’s eyes shook. “YOOOU thought you could lie to CHARLOTTE LINLIN? You, who have defied the will of the Linlin Family, as ALL other generations of snot-nosed brats have done before me. WHAT have you to say for yourself?!”

Sheila wouldn’t let it go down like this. She stood up firmly and yelled with the greatest sureness, “WE’RE NOT KIDS NEXT DOOR!!!”

The Big Moms were struck speechless. Even though the truth was found out… she sounded so sure. So convincing. …She was a good liar.

“ENOUGH of your LIIIIES! Briiing meee… THE PRISONER!!”

Big Mom’s henchmen, Pekoms and Tamago, retrieved an unconscious Panini from her cell and presented her to their captain. Big Mom grabbed the Drilovsky girl in her large hand. “Dinner… is… served… AAAAHHHH!”

The Raccoons barely had their eyes open, but it was clear as day. Panini was so tiny compared to her mouth, so she fit perfectly. Panini slid down Big Mom’s slobbery tongue and into the deep darkness that was her stomach. She closed her mouth as a lump traveled down her shadowy neck. Big Mom rubbed her stomach softly. “Aaaahhh… soooo gooood… I haven’t tasted anything more spicy in AAAAGEEEES! But THIS was only the first course of their punishment. We must now… BURN the state of Virginia to ASHES! All the screaming morsels, hearts beating out of fear… they will make EXCELLENT appetizers! Leave the crew to their waste… and let them feel the shame of it all.” The screen vanished.

“Ahhh, what a fine day this was.” Black John smoked a candle. “ACQUIRE the Sugary Wonders and let us go.”

“Laaa la la, humans squished, laaa la la, sad sad sad.” sang the Big Ma’am.

Stewie shot Chris and Sheila with a dart gun, making them sleepy. Soon, the 11 kids fell to sleep completely, helpless as the pirates raided their ship.

Five hours later…

They remained unconscious until that night. When Aurora came to, her vision was blurry, and a brown-topped being was standing over her. Her vision cleared to reveal the concerned face of her brother, Cheren. “Aurora. You okay?”

“Uhhh… yeah.”

Everyone else awakened, their forms still bruised. “Oi, Cherry? Wot are you doing here?” asked Sheila.

“I’ve been using Fi all this time to track Aurora and Chris’s movement. When you guys didn’t move for a time, she sensed your energy level weakened, so I… So what happened here?”

“The Big Moms kinda threw a surprise party.” Haylee responded. “Without all the balloons and snacks, and kinda focused heavily on the wild beatings. It was probably one of those gang parties.”

“They certainly don’t treat their action figures with respect.” squeaked the tiny Artie.

They climbed onto the deck of the Sunny and found the Rainbow Lolli gone. They searched the refrigerator, seeing the Fourth Flavor gone, the Blurple Supreme, and even their sack of Caramels. “All the Sugary Wonders are gone…” Haylee said with remorse.

“Waited ‘til we found them all for ‘em.” Harry said. “Classic cheats…”

“And… Cheren…” Aurora spoke with the greatest regret. “They found out we were Kids Next Door. Big Mom… ate… Panini.”

All the color faded from Cheren’s face. He fell to his knees, unable to believe it. “…I’m sorry, Bro.”

Cheren closed his eyes and shook with bottled rage. It looked like he was going to explode at any minute. “This is all… YOUR FAULT!” He swung his fist and punched Sheila across the cheek, knocking her back. Everyone wore looks of shock as Sheila gripped her cheek. “If YOU didn’t come up with this crazy plan to begin with, and let us keep track of you, we could’ve thought of something and saved Panini TOGETHER! But inSTEAD, you had to insist we break coms with you, and THEN you wind up getting CAUGHT! You and your DUMB adventures.”

Sheila fumed in anger, running forth to PUNCH Cheren with greater force, sending him across the deck as his nose bled. “AT LEAST I crave EXCITEMENT! Not like you boring desk-jockeys who have NO interest in life! Why didn’t ya hang out and spend more time with her, then you coulda been there and saved her from getting KIDNAPPED!”

“That’s not the POINT!” He ran to deal another punch, until Sheila grabbed his arm, but he threw his other fist and socked her. “You were SUPPOSED to save Panini, but you WASTED all this time, and-” As he talked, the two kept trying to punch each other.

Finally, Aurora jumped between and unleashed a burst of fire, startling the two still as she covered in flames. “That’s ENOUGH.” Her flames vanished. “Cheren, we ALL agreed on Sheila’s plan, so it’s just as much OUR fault.”

“…Siiigh.” He figured it was pointless to argue. “Forget it. The mission’s a bust. Let’s just go back to Moonbase and have you all reinstated.” He typed on his wristwatch monitor.

“We weren’t on any mission, Mate.” Cheren looked up angrily, seeing Sheila’s serious eyes. “The minute we disbanded from the Kids Next Door, we became our own mates. So we formed a crew and sailed around to do whatever we want. Searchin’ these candies was only a portion of the adventures we woulda had.”

“Grrrr, of COURSE you’re still Kids Next Door! Your mission was to disconnect from all communications with us and pose as pirates until you rescued one of our comrades. I’ll still allow you to come back to KND, but once you do, AURORA will be the leader, and you aren’t leading a team EVER aga-”

“I ain’t GONNA come back!” Sheila stomped up to the keel and took her seat, facing the sea. “I’m gonna stay here and have adventures.” She pumped her left fist. “I’m Sunny-Fist Sheila of the Raccoon Pirates. I’M the captain of this vessel, NOT YOU!”

“…Fine. But I’m calling a transport for the rest of you.” Cheren continued typing. “That is, unless you wanna stay, too.” Everyone exchanged worried glances.

“Well? DO YOU??” Sheila questioned.

They all looked down in regret. “Sheila… it was good while it lasted… but we ain’t cut for the sea.” Harry said. “We just ain’t into this whole thing as you. Besides… we probably just slow you down. Looking back, when’ve you really needed us? You always kickin’ the bad guy’s butt yourself, we barely even help. Except when they all decided to gang up on us, we attacked ‘em together, and still couldn’t help. We’re better off just gettin’ help from the whole team. I mean, since Panini’s already…”

“The adventure was fun, Sheila, but ultimately, most of us were focused on the mission.” Aurora followed. “We still considered ourselves Kids Next Door operatives, and it was our mission to save a comrade. Even if we enjoyed the fresh air, the sea… we’re operatives first. Not pirates…”

Sheila turned back to the sea. “So that’s it then… the Raccoon Pirates’ just down to one.”

“Yeah… I guess so.” Aurora replied with remorse.

“Fine then, go away. There ain’t no room on my ship for blokes ‘o don’t seek adventures. I’ll challenge giant monsters ‘o threaten to snack on me to a duel, and I’ll sail headfirst into Big Mum’s den and whoop them all. If no one wants to come with me, that’s all crikey.”

“So it’s decided…” Cheren spoke lowly.

Eventually, the transport ship came, and the crew began to get on. “Wait a second, who is this?” Cheren asked, noticing Carol.

“Oh, this is Carol.” Mason said. “Friend of mine. She wanted to join KND after this.”

“Oh. Well, we’re holding Cadet Training still…”

“Um, actually… I’m not sure if I want to, anymore.” Carol said with doubt. “I think I was just… speaking on impulse. Like how I want a new parakeet or my own driver’s license… maybe Kids Next Door isn’t right for me.”

“Are you… Really?…” Mason asked.

“Yeah… I just don’t think I have the strength…” She glanced at Sheila.

Their former captain was still seated on the keel, facing the sea. Even Cheren was gonna be sad she wasn’t coming back. She was one of the strongest operatives, and very spirited to boot. If not her strength, a lot of them could probably use her spirit. But he sensed that she made her decision… and would stick with it.

“I hope we haven’t forgotten my little dilemma!” Artie squeaked, sitting on Haylee’s shoulder.

“Yeah yeah, we’ll visit the Charitons.” Haruka stated.

The engines roared as the ship finally took off. Mason stared out the window, watching the Sunny shrink in the distance. Sheila’s defection would hurt him the most… just like Dillon with Vanellope’s. Sector V was falling apart.

Sheila turned and saw the ship leaving. “Siiigh. Well, ’guess it’s time I be hittin’ the waves, too.” She walked up to the helm and gripped it in both hands. She turned it mindlessly, going nowhere. “Oh, I guess I should pull up the anchor.” She went below and hauled the giant mass up, tucking it inside. “And the sails.” She unfurled the sails as the wind breezed. “And let my adventures commence.” And so, she sailed from the island, to the distant seas that called. (Play “Sailing No More” by Randy Newman.)

Sheila sailed miles from the island, but the seas hadn’t changed. The water calm, the starry sky peaceful, and near absolute quiet and loneliness. One wouldn’t believe she had her own band of pirates this morning. The energy and vibrance that the Sunny Day once brought was no more. Its youthful crew was down to only one. And one she shall be.

Sheila always wanted to leave the Kids Next Door and become a pirate, and her dream had come true. She worked for no one, and took no orders. She was a free person on the sea, and she could go anywhere. Her mom was the greatest pirate she knew, and she inherited her strength. No matter what challenge awaited, she would take it.

The seas waved up and down as Sheila sailed her ship through a fierce storm. It lasted forever and threatened never to stop.

But it did, and that was when a giant frog emerged from the sea. It hopped at Sheila, hungry for a snack. It could’ve swallowed her tiny vessel whole, but the superior raccoon spun her fist and launched a powerful Light Sphere, striking him dead in the face and knocking him out.

Clouds filled the sky again as blizzards rained, making Sheila shiver furiously. She fought the cold with all her strength, and kept sailing.

And the skies were clear as Sheila finally decided to stop the boat. She lay on the keel on her front, letting her arms and legs dangle over either side. She never looked so dead, so drained of all her energy. A man’s deep singing echoed in the distance, along with his strumming guitar. She glanced right, seeing a Jamaican man slowly sail on his small boat, singing this tune as he strummed this instrument. “And I… will go sail… nooo moooore…” (End song.)

“Hello, Numbuh 1-Love.” she greeted with no enthusiasm.

“Sheila, Mon! How is your sailing going?”

“Ehhh… not so well.”

“Aww, that’s too bad. But very strange how it turned stormy, a sea monster came, and it snowed all in the span of an hour. Well, I’m going to get back to Naomi. I’m not sure how I got out here, Mon.” With that, he rowed away.

“Siiiiigh.”

“Heh, song wasn’t quite accurate, huh?” Sheila’s ears perked, turning to see none other than Mason with a sheepish smile.

She sat up and turned fully. “Mason? What the devil’re you doing here?”

“I came on the escape pod. Hehe.” He indicated the crashed pod on the deck. “Because… I couldn’t bear to leave you behind. Even if we’re not operatives… we’re best friends for life.”

She gave a warm smile. “…Thanks, Mate.”

The two climbed and sat atop the sail, staring at the starry sky and full moon. “Sheila… I’m sorry about what happened earlier.”

“Oh, it ain’t your fault. But blimey… Cheren has anger issues.” She rubbed her jaw.

“I think I understand… part of the reason everyone left. They all didn’t feel right for this job. They couldn’t match up to your strength, that’s why they ultimately believed this whole thing shouldn’t have been attempted. I mean, to be fair, Sheila, you’re kind of overpowered.”

“Well, it wasn’t about the mission or how it would go, Mate. All I wanted to do was show them how much they’re missing. I wanted them to know that life wasn’t all about missions. It’s about having fun, too.”

“Well, they just didn’t see it that way. To them, it was mostly about… do the mission, see if this method works… but without the Kids Next Door to back ‘em up, they were ultimately pretty weak. Compared to you or Chris.”

“It’s their own fault that they’re weak. If they were as pumped for adventure as I was, they woulda had more fighting spirit!”

“Maybe… but that’s what made you so special to begin with. That’s why you were so strong. And everyone else knew that, too. That’s why… they didn’t feel they belonged under you. Because they weren’t as passionate.” (Play “Despair” from Naruto: Shippuden.)

“…”

“But you know… the King of the Pirates was probably the same way. He might’ve been so strong… that he just didn’t need his crew. They just… slowed him down. But if I could imagine… sailing on these big open seas… not a care in the world, no one to look after me… I’d feel pretty lonely. It’s so quiet and serene, and even with that feeling of freedom easing your heart, making you happy… you still feel empty inside. Like something’s… just missing.”

“…”

“But there was one pirate… who was greater than all the others.” Marine said. “’e was the King. And he sailed this WHOLE world. Legends say that before ‘e passed on, he left a GREAT treasure, the most amazin’ treasure anyone’s evuh seen. ‘e told the world, if they wanted ‘is treasure, they could have it. But they’d have ta find it. And so… hundreds o’ pirates, all over the world, set sail to find it.

“Didju ever try to find the treasure, Mum?”

“Weeell, Oi did. But then Oi found me own treasure.”

“Really?? Wot??”

“You.” She smacked Sheila’s back. “You’re the shiniest treasure I evuh coulda had. And I want ya to have a happy life.”

“…”

The Boogey Bay and the Sneaky Dinga sailed separate ways after their squabble. “Marine, vhy are ve sailing back home?” Henrietta asked. “Don’t you vant to plant zis seed?”

“Yeh, but… ya ever think there’s a greater treasure out there? One that’s… a little closer than ya might think.”

“Like wot, Cap’n?” Colonel asked.

Marine looked to the sunny heavens. “Just someone… you c’n tell all about your adventures.”

…That’s just what… her mother found, wasn’t it.

A normal summer’s day as Marine was walking along the beach. She looked at the ocean and saw bubbles rising in one spot. She dove in and gasped, seeing her little daughter unconscious as bubbles floated from her mouth, her foot stuck in a gap.

Marine pulled her free and to the beach before forcefully punching her stomach, forcing the water out. “Blimey, Sheila, what were you doing under there??”

“I thought there might be more rippuh stuff, so I swam under to look.”

“Crikey, if you were gonna swim in the ocean by yourself, come on and tell me first!!”

“But YOU let me swim in by myself YESTERday!!”

“Yeh, but at least I had the courtesy to watch you! Don’t evuh do somethin’ that crazy by yourself ever again!”

“Why not?? YOU’RE the one ‘o keeps telling me to take chances!”

“Siiiigh. I have to commend you for that, Sheila. And when you start havin’ adventures, I reckon you’ll make a few mistakes ‘r so. That’s part of the experience. But promise me somethin’: no matter how strong a sheila you get… don’t evuh go on adventures alone. The experience is that much more ripper… when you have someone to share it with.” She smiled. “People you c’n share reactions with, ya know? People ta get scared with ya when the ghosts come. But most importantly… PEOPLE TA GET YOU OUT OF WATER WHEN YA START DROWNING!”

“I’M NOT dumb enough to do that TWICE, Mum!”

“I know ya aren’t, Sheila.” Marine bonked Sheila’s noggin. “But one of your mates might, and he’ll need saving. But also… he’ll save your bum if ya do it again. Whether you’re pirates or those cruddy Kids Next Door… always share your experiences with some mates.”

“…Mase… just what is a leader, anyway?”

“Hm?” He looked at her quizzically. “Well… a leader is someone who ensures victory for their team. They lead them on the right path, and they draw energy from their team, too. Well… that’s what I kinda thought.”

“…Me mum would be ashamed.”

“Ahhh, no she wouldn’t, Sheila. She probably would’ve done the same thing.”

“Ehh…”

“…?” Mason looked down behind, noticing some tiny, glowing crumbs on the railing. “Hey, Sheila.” He jumped down, Sheila following, finding the dim crumbs. “They look like… pieces of the Rainbow Lolli.”

“Oi, yeh… They musta bumped and broken it when they carried.”

“Probably Sir Knightly.”

“Well, now’s our chance to taste it, eh?”

“Yeah… but it’s kinda dead.”

“’ang on.” Sheila scooped the pieces in her hands and lit them with light. The crumbs absorbed the light and glowed with rainbow colors. “It works! Let’s give ‘em a go!”

Mason took a few pieces and ate, and Sheila ate hers. “…So how do you feel?”

“I feel… a little strange.” Sheila replied. “Like…Like I…” (Play the “Trickster Mode” theme from Homestuck.)

Sheila and Mason became sugary, candy-coated versions of their former selves, dancing with the craziest sugar rush they ever had. The Sunny Day became bright again with their colors, and things never looked brighter. “AAAAAAHH!” They ran around and around the ship, fast as rockets. They met back on the deck. “MASOOOON! THIS IS SO COOOOL!”

“I KNOW! HEY SHEILA!! LET’S GET MARRIED AND HAVE TONS OF BABIES!”

“YEH, MASON! TOOOONS OF BABIIIEEES!”

Both friends shook, and in seconds- “WOOOOOO!” flew away like rockets, Sheila using her tail, and Mason with a Gas Rocket… from his rear.

They flew around and around and around the world, the scenery switching from day, to night, to day again. “WOOHOOOO!” They soared over Egypt. “YEEEEEAH.” Over London’s Big Ben. “WOOHOOOO!” Over Mt. Rushmore. “WHOO-OOOHHH.” All the way across the Great Wall of China.

Sabaody Park

In a peaceful green park where large bubbles floated, Henrietta waited patiently as Sandy used some rope to catch large bubbles in the air, pulling them down so Jessie could stuff them in a bubble bottle. “Are you kids almost finished? Vhat do you need all zese bubbles for, anyvay?”

“Don’t worry, lady, we’ll be done soon.” Jessie assured. “Keep your woman undies on.”

Henrietta rolled her eyes and faced up at the night sky. “WOOOO!” A green and red smoke line cut across the dark-blue sky, created by Mason and Sheila.

Henrietta’s eyes widened. “Kids, let’s go!” She quickly grabbed Sandy and Jessie and threw ‘em in her helicopter. “Ve have to make another stop!”

“Sheesh, and she was bitching about our stops.” Jessie commented as the helicopter took off. (End song.)

Candied Island

Big Mom relaxed on her throne while the dinner settled in her stomach, her mouth still drooling with acid. She looked up when Augustus entered the chamber. “Black John and the others have returned have successfully acquired the Sugary Wonders from the Raccoons. They now aim to get the Licorice Stalks, which should be full grown by now.”

“Nyaaaaa. After soooo many long yeeeears. My ancestors’ birthday cake… the cake only a god could produce… shall once again, be reunited with my taste buds!”

“But what about what you promised me?” Augustus asked. “You said there was something greater than Candied Island OR the cake. You said you would bring us… to the promised land. And that’s where we would never have to worry about our virus!”

“And I will, Augustus…” Big Mom finally stood and stomped forward. In the light, she was a tremendous woman with a big nose to go with her almost perfectly round face. She had yellow puffy hair that went to her elbows, wore a pink dress with dark-pink polka-dots, and black high-heels on her big feet. But whether shadow or not, her bloodshot eyes, chunky white teeth, and plump body were very noticeable. “But first… we must teach the Raccoons a lesson. We will send the Demon Sweets and BURN Virginia to ashes. And if they manage to avoid incineration… well… they won’t for long.”

Big Mom stomped into a lower chamber, pitch-black and roaring with creatures who were down in a deep, vast dungeon. “CHIIIILDREEEEN! Your wait is no more! The SWEET to end all sweets will soon be forged in my bakery! And YOU will have the first dish: a region which has broken their agreement with me! DESTROY Virginia and let their crumbling be a lesson to all others!”

“NYAAAAAYYYY!” The monsters roared with excitement; venomous Licorice Snakes, Hamhurters, and Kill-Kats.

“I am glad to finally take you all to the promised land… The only sweet superior to Candied Island, OR EVEN the luscious cake. As of this moment…” Her bloodshot eyes shook with ravenousness, “PROJECT: CANDIED PLANET IS NOW IN MOTION!”

Chapter Text

Halright, welcome back to Candy Land! This time, let’s put candy aside… and remember our favorite vegetable.

Chapter 11: Two Days

Spinach Fleet

“Ohhhh…” Mason and Sheila awoke on the deck of a ship.

“What did we just do…” Mason moaned.

“Blimey, I…I feel like me blood-sugar levels exploded. And yet, me mouth tastes like spinach…”

“You should-a be thanking us, no?”

The two looked up. They were surrounded by Spinach Soldiers, and not on the Sunny’s deck, but rather the deck of one in their fleet of ships. “You-a little children crashed here out of nowhere just-a SHAKING with sugar, until we fed you one of our-a special medical spinaches.” explained Amerigo Vespinachio. “We were just on our way to Canada to infect-a their farmlands with the same herbs. After all, no one can resist the Spinach Inquisition!”

And at that instant, the Spinach Monks burst into their classic song.

Just try it! You’ll like it!

It’s what we have to say!

Just taste it! You’ll love it!

There IS no other WAAAAY!

The SPIIINA-

“Yeahyeahyeahyeah okayokay.” Mason stopped them. “How did we get out here?”

“We-a just told you, you kids-a just fell from the sky. It scared a lot of our-a little saplings. We-a have never seen a kid so-a hyped on sugar. It reminded me of this story from long ago, about a little girl who ate a cake.”

“Sounds like a story we just heard.” Mason noticed. “Does it have to do with the First Kids Next Door?”

“I-a don’t know. But around 5,000 years ago, a little boy who loved vegetables saw one of his friends eat a cake that-a made her a sugary monster. The boy was repulsed-a, so he sought a way to counter such an atrocity, and found a land that was growing with spinach like no other-a. He invited others, and they all crowned the land La Spinachia, where that boy became the very first-a king. As-a you might surmise, he was the ancestor of the current-a king. Since then, the Spinachia Royal Family has-a made it their goal to spread the glory of spinach, and forever counter the evils that-a those candies bring. It has-a become a struggle, as our armada was always in the race with a fleet of candy-loving hoodlums, called-a the Big Moms.”

“The Big Moms?!” Mason exclaimed. “We just got our butts kicked by them!”

“OH!!” the men gasped. “You-a have clashed with the dreaded Pirate Emperor, Big Mom?” Amerigo asked.

“Well, not exactly… just her commanders. But then she ate one of our friends after figuring out we were from Kids Next Door.”

“Ay-ay-ay. So the two of us have a common enemy.”

“Hey, that’s right. Maybe YOU can help us defeat her!”

“OHHH HO HO HOOO!” They burst into laughter.

“You-a speak of the doomsday.” Amerigo laughed. “Many a fleet have tried to sail to Candied Island. But many ships have-a fallen during the voyage, and the ones who have-a reached never survive the candy terrain for long. Besides-a, Big Mom is a beast! Her power comes from that which makes normal humans weak: sugary sweets. No amount of spinach we feed will-a poison her for long.”

“Well blimey, there ’as to be SOME way!” Sheila proclaimed. “I wanna kick Big Mom’s arse! I’ll use me own FISTS if I have to!”

“Hmmmmm.” The Spinach Men all stood in thought. “Well-a, there might be ONE thing that could work. There is a breed of vegetable so rich with healthy minerals, it can erase ANY trace of candy within the most hardened chocoholics. The Great White Asparagus-a.”

“Nay, but the Asparagus be untamable.” another man said. “All great fisherman who have tried ended as sustenance for its minerals. Well, they escaped, but… they could never taste anything else again.”

“Boys: allow me to introduce Sheila Frantic.” Mason said proudly, patting his friend’s back. “She’ll give that beast what’s coming to it! Right? Sheila?…” He noticed her glum face.

“Yeah, I know, just… I wish the other mates were here to go with me.”

“Sheila, I’m sure they wouldn’t just leave you. They probably intend to attack Candy Island with the full KND Armada.”

“But I just wanted it ta be the 11 of us! This is OUR adventure and OUR battle, and havin’ all those blokes just ruins it!”

“We’re teaming up with the Spinach Armada, anyway. But our friends will come back, I know it. We’ll go to Candied Island, and defeat Big Mom together!”

“Wrong, Mate.” Sheila smirked. “Ah’m takin’ out Big Mom myself! You blokes c’n just have the lackeys.”

“Heheh, takin’ her on by yourself, are you sure?”

“’ey, if I can kick one o’ the other Pirate Emperors’ butt, I c’n take this lardo. And that’s even MORE butt!”

“Heh, I don’t think Mandy was intentionally putting up a fight. She was probably just generous.”

“Speak of the devil!” Amerigo spoke up. “You’ve-a defeated Grim Glare Mandy?”

“Maybe we’ll have a chance after all!” another exclaimed. “She is-a our long-awaited hero!”

“Put a cork in it, I ain’t your hero! I jus’ wanna kick this hag’s arse!” Sheila fist-palmed.

“Young-a children should not be cussing!”

“Pfft, I know a 7-year-old that cusses.”

“Look, let’s just find the White Asparagus and Sheila can tame it easy.” Mason said. “Where does it live?”

“It lives in the Asparagus Sea, which is-a any candy-lover’s nightmare. You’ll never-a see the Big Moms there, no no no.” Amerigo answered.

“Then let’s shove off!” Sheila pointed with bravado. “Big Mum’s gettin’ a HEALTHY dinnuh for once, and White Asparagus is on the menu!”

“Spinach Inquisition, SAIL-A forth-a!” And at Amerigo’s command, the fleet was off.

Candied Island

“Careful with those Licorice Stalks!” Augustus ordered as Nickel Joe’s henchmen hauled in the long stalks. “I’m not becoming the dead man who breaks them.”

Sir Knightly sheepishly walked in with the Rainbow Lolli. “Eh… Señor Augustus-senpai? I uh brokee de… lolli.”

Augustus noticed the slight crack. “Mmmm… well, hopefully that’s not too fatal. Is that all of the Wonders?”

Fat Jack had the Blurpleberry Supreme, Maggie dragged the refrigerator containing the Fourth Flavor (whoa, she was strong), Black John still had the Easter Bunny, Stewie brought the bag of caramels, and Rallo struggled to carry the Crystal Marshmallow above him. “Nnnnn-g-g! Who the hell puts a damn marshmallow inside a crystal?!”

“You have to hatch it by shining sunlight.” Augustus said. “But it’s extremely dangerous. The minute the crystal breaks, the marshmallow sends all the light back… and blinds anyone who looks.”

“HUH??” The pirates gasped.

“Yes, and that’s why it’s meant to be consecutive with the Rainbow Lolli. All of the blinding light will make the Lolli’s colors shine their greatest. Stewie, is the ultra-magnifier ready?”

“Right away, Mr. Won’t-take-his-jacket-off.” Stewie pressed a button, opening the room’s roof. A series of large magnifying glasses lined up above them, and the sun aligned perfectly. A beam of sunlight launched down and struck the hard crystal, making it alight and crack. The crystal exploded, and the pirates quickly looked away as the blinding light swallowed the whole room.

“THIS TOO MUCH TROUBLE for a maaaarshmalloooow!” Rallo cried.

“How long is this going to last?!” Lala screamed.

“About 2 days!” Augustus said, eyes closed tight, despite his sunglasses.

“I can’t put up with this for two daaaaays!” Rallo screamed.

“You won’t need to! Just hold up the Rainbow Lolli!”

“Oh!!” Sir Knightly raised the colorful lolli as the light already began to affect it. The Rainbow Lolli shined brighter than ever, and to their utter surprise, the light was gone. It had been sucked completely into the giant lollipop.

Augustus walked over and studied it. “There. It’s been imbued with pure light that’ll last for days, maybe weeks. It should be enough time to bake BOTH.”

“Oi, ‘ow long does it take to BAKE this cake, anyway?” Black John asked.

“Ironically, it takes 2 days as well, according to the part of the recipe I deciphered.” Lala replied. “It would’ve been a pain to wait for that marshmallow naturally.”

“Then it’s time to get started. Jack, you’ve gathered all the extra ingredients we needed, right?”

“Ahhhh.” Jack sucked his lollipop. “One thousand chicken eggs, 500 sacks of flour… Gonna be biggest cake ever, ahhhh.”

“Great.” Augustus smiled. “Did you hear all that, Mom?”

“Nyaaaaa! My room is FLOODING with my drooool! I can wait NO LONGER for this caaaake! We must BEGIN preparations now! While the Demon Sweets attack Virginia… I will be FEEDING like no tomorrow! And I must hurry fast… I am feeling a rumbling in my stomach. It must be something… I ate earlier. SOMEBODY bring me a thousand-gallon soda! I shall counter this rumbling WITH ANOTHER!”

Asparagus Sea

It took until sunset the next day before the sea took the form of green asparagus, rather than water. “This looks like the place.” Mason said. “You ready, Sheila?”

“Siiiigh.” Sheila woke up tiredly. “Are you sure? Ay’ve been waitin’ for ages.”

“Now, now, no-a need to be nervous.” Amerigo told her. “Just-a wear her down long enough for us ta catch her in our net.”

“Ay’m not nervous! Ay catch beasts like these to get me breakfast! Heck, I could wrangle a giant swordfish, why would Ah be afraid of a measly-”

“On your arms!” a spinach man yelled. “The beast APPROACHES-A!”

Sheila kept a battle stance when a group of asparagus began to shake. She focused tight, ready for what may come… but fast as lightning, the Great White Asparagus shot from the sea and forced its teeth into the ship’s side, but Sheila jumped back. “Not just YET!” Sheila didn’t hesitate to jump after it when it sunk back in the sea. She held tight to its head when the Asparagus emerged and tried to shake her off. “Oi, toss me a fish pole!” A Spinach Soldier hurriedly threw her a fishing rod, and Sheila hurled the lure down into the creature’s mouth.

The Asparagus submerged and began to swim around, the lure still in its mouth as Sheila held on and began to water-ski. It shot its head up and whipped around, attempting to catch Sheila in its mouth, but she jumped and punched its noggin, seemingly hurting it as it slowed.

“It’s-a hurt!” Amerigo announced. “Ready the net!”

A circle of ships faced the monster, each connected by strings leading into their cannons. The cannons fired at once, unleashing the ends of a huge net from the sea, which caught the Asparagus perfectly. The beast shook frantically, and ate through the strings.

One of the net pieces landed on Amerigo’s deck as Mason observed the green string. “Spinach? Who makes a net out of spinach?!”

“IT’S SORT OF OUR THING.” The Spinach Armada chorused.

“YOU PEOPLE ARE HOPELESS!!”

“Grrrr!” The Asparagus still tried to shake Sheila off, and began slamming its head in the water to loosen her grip. She was flung forward, looking up with a gasp as the leviathan lunged at her. She began to dodge around the veggie-filled sea, swimming forward to avoid its mouth of circles of teeth. It finally flipped her upward with its tail, then jumped to snap her in its mouth.

“SHEILA!!” Mason screamed.

“Hnnnnnn-nnnn!” Sheila stood in the very edge of its mouth, using each hand and foot to hold all four ends open. It roared and tried harder to close, but Sheila gave all her strength, the saliva from its mouth making her almost lose grip.

“Any minute now, she will-a be broken like little sticks-a!” Amerigo cried, shielding his eyes.

Mason glared at the monster. No way Sheila would let that happen. “HEY, SHEILA! YOUR ADVENTURE’S NOT OVER NOW, IS IT? DID YOU FINALLY DECIDE TO STOP? IF NOT, THEN WHY AREN’T YOU MOVING!”

Why wasn’t she indeed. Sheila didn’t want to stop now. And she didn’t want her bones broken like sticks. Her adventure wasn’t OVER! “HYYUH!” Quicker than she could think, she kicked both legs upward, bringing the rest of her body with the force and evading the beast’s snapping mouth. She came down and wrapped all arms and legs around its mouth, using all strength to hold it shut this time. “Ya think you’re gonna resist me for long? I tamed a giant swordfish! Don’t you think Ay’ve eaten YOU blokes for dinner a couple o’-” Her eyes perked in remembrance. With that, she stuck fingers in her mouth and made a whistle.

In the distance, a huge top fin stuck out from the sea and charged to the Asparagus. The Great Marlin jumped from the sea and slashed its blade at the beast, flinging Sheila off and onto the swordfish’s back. “GOME AWN, Mari! Let’s wrangle this bad boy! HIYAH!” She kicked the fish’s sides, and she swam forward to clash with the Asparagus. Marilyn jabbed its sword-nose while Asparagus gnashed its teeth, but the creature swam away while the swordfish chased.

“No meal escapes MY belly for long!” Sheila jumped and allowed the marlin to flick her with its tail, landing her on the Asparagus’s head. “I bet NO kid has ever done THIS before! AAAAAH-” And she forced her teeth into the vegetable’s flesh, making it cry in agony. “I for one think you’re delicious!”

“Rrrrr…” The fearsome beast finally settled down.

“OH!!” The Spinach Armada gasped. “The great beast-a has been tamed!”

“She is a child like no other-a!”

“Pyah ha ha ha!” Mason laughed. “That’s ‘cause no other kid was willing to eat it! But Sheila will try anything.”

“Hehehe! Bloke’s just stunned at havin’ part of HIM in someone else’s stomach. Pyah aaaah ha haaaa! He ‘as NO MORE to say!” Sheila patted the Asparagus.

They heard the pounding of a propeller and looked to see a candy-made helicopter flying from the distance. “Hey, it’s…it’s Henrietta!” Mason beamed. “MISS MARZIPAAAAN!” He waved excitedly.

“Hm hm hm!” She smiled and waved at the boy.

Heinie and Jessie & Sandy landed on Amerigo’s deck as they hauled the Great Asparagus on. “With our net-a broken, how are we expected to carry it-a?” Amerigo asked. “It’ll snap back to its senses any moment-a.”

“This ought to lessen his steam.” Henrietta said, tossing a Shrink Sweet into the monster’s mouth. The beast shook as its body began to compress. In the process, he coughed up a chubby man with a brown beard and withered shirt and shorts.

“I was in there for 20 years! What year is it??”

“2032, Mr. Wallace.” Mason replied.

“WHERE’S MY DADDY?”

“Ve’ll find his home later.” Heinie shrugged.

Sheila planted her foot on the shrunken Asparagus, who was now only 8 inches long. “HA HAAAA! Who’s gettin’ eaten NOW, Shrimpstuff?”

“Do not forget the plan-a, Sheila!” Amerigo yelled. “We are-a going to poison Big Mom-a!”

“Oh. So zat’s vhat it’s for.” Heinie noticed.

“Huh. Oh yeah, how’d you find us, Miss Marzipan?” Mason asked.

“You zipped over Sabaody Park and left ein colored, smoky trail. I assumed you had licked ze Rainbow Lolli. Zat’s a very dangerous Wonder; vone lick vill give you ze sugar rush of a lifetime. You must not have eaten a big amount if you are now healed. I’m just glad you didn’t lick it vhile it vas gloomy. That vould’ve had the opposite effect. Anyvay, the trail ended near Spinachia vaters, so… vell, I used mein common sense.”

“It was f**king boring.” Jessie said.

“HE CUSSED!!” They all screamed.

å

“You won’t tattle?” Sandy said with adorable eyes.

“NO, WE WON’T.”

“But vhere is the rest of your crew?” Heinie asked.

“We… kinda had a falling out.” Mason said sadly.

“But that ain’t gonna stop me!” Sheila fist-palmed. “I’m Sunny-Fist Sheila! And I ain’t scared of no virus. Ah’m tasting that cake first!”

This caught Heinie’s attention. “You know about ze virus?”

“Um, yeah.” Mason replied. “Willy Wonka told us about it; we found his hideaway. Big Mom is apparently our great-aunt!”

“…” Henrietta faced away. “Zat isn’t the only case.”

“Huh? Whaddyou mean?”

“…” Henrietta looked down with shame. “Big Mom is my… mom.”

“WHUUUUUUUH?!?” Everybody screamed with utter shock.

“Big Mom married a German man called Gustav von Marzipan, another candy fan. Linlin became her maiden name, and I vas born Henrietta von Marzipan. The Candy Virus hadn’t gotten to me yet, but she told me about it. She originally vanted me to find ze Sugary Vonders, and in mein quest, I met Abigail Lincoln, and zought I could use her to help me find zem. The time for ze Magic Caramels had come, and I vanted to trap her. But I ended up trapped instead, and blamed her for double-crossing me. At ze same time, I vas angry at Big Mom for causing me to lose my beautiful self; I zink, all along, she vanted me to be ze Caramels’ victim. So I left her. But as revenge, she ate mein father. I vas all alone.

“And yet, ze curse vas still vith me, so I made it mein goal to find ze Sugary Vonders myself, teaming up vith Stickybeard for ein time. All mein plans vere foiled, but on ze bright side, I regained mein beautiful self. I zought I vould never be free of zis virus… but zen, somezing happened that got rid of it vonce and for all.”

“What happened?” Mason asked. “(But please tone it down with the accent.)”

She looked at them seriously. “Twenty years ago, in my search for ze Rainbow Lollipop, ze Flying Dutchman shot down my helicopter, and I fell into Davy Jones’ Locker.”

The two kids gasped in remembrance.

“Just like vith Sector Z, ve vere trapped in a realm between life and death, removing any diseases or curses ve might have acquired while alive. Even zough my curse vas at birth, it was still eliminated. But then mein friends sailed me back to life. And vhen I had ze KND scientists run deep scans, zey showed nothing wrong in mein DNA. It vas like a dream come true…”

“Yeah… that is amazing!” Mason beamed. “Heh, to think a big nightmare could be gone just like that! I wonder if that’s how Malladus and Hannibal got rid of their wives’ curses…”

“But I’m not sure vhy Augustus ran away to join Big Mom. I had always assumed one of her agents kidnapped him, and she told him about ze curse. And she knew he vas ze only one with knowledge to find ze Sugary Vonders.”

“Well, the time has come to take Big Mom down.” Mason stated. “Where’s she live; where is Candied Island?”

“Its location… is in ze Bermuda Triangle.”

“Really? Feels like anyone could’ve found it; I mean, with Davy Jones outta the way-”

“Not quite. Zere is an old legend, back vhen the gods vere making this world. Zey had ideas for lands that greatly stood out compared to other mortal regions. Zey thought zese lands to be very unique, and didn’t vant too many people finding zem. So… zey placed zem on a sub-Earth, vhich Palkia placed into another dimension. Ze entrance can only be found on zis planet, as it is essentially connected to Earth, yet inaccessible anyvhere but a certain location. Ein humongous cyclone in ze Triangle is secretly a vortex leading to zis realm. But even zose who know it risk zeir life trying to sail in.”

“Then LET’S GO!” Sheila announced with enthusiasm. “WE’LL SAIL TO CANDIED ISLAND OR DIE TRYING! Such for the SAKE of adventure!”

“WE DON’T WANNA BE ADVENTURERS!” the Spinach Men cried.

“Actually, zere is a vay to make ze journey easier.” Henrietta smiled. “If a ship is encased in ze special Coating found at Sabaody Park, it could sustain from damage. Luckily, a certain somebody took me on a detour zere.” She looked at Jessie.

“Damn right I did! Oh! …But how can I coat these many ships?”

“If ve can’t coat zem all, it’s zere decision to come or not. They may risk dying. My only real fear is the members missing from your crew. Your success may…”

“Ahhh, whiskers, Henrietta!” Sheila waved off. “Me crewmates will be back, Ah just know it! ’Cause after all, as captain, I ain’t dismissed ‘em! Just SHOW US the way to fair Candied Island! No use waitin’ around for late adventurers!”

“Hm hm hm! Okay zen… let’s go! Today is ze day Big Mom falls! …Actually, tomorrow, since it vill take about a day to get zere.”

“Ehh, fair enough. LET’S GO!!”

“YAAAAAAYYY!”

Bermuda Triangle

At 5:00pm the next day, the Spinach Armada was entering the triangle, and the tremendous cyclone Henrietta spoke of was clear in the distance. “I’m assuming that’s where we’re headed.” Mason remarked.

“I ain’t seein’ any others.” Sheila said. “Otherwise, I’d be explorin’ them, too.”

“But where’s this Coating we’re supposed to use?”

Floating above them was Jessie and Sandy in a bubble-made boat, as the former carefully tried to blow a bubble through his wand. “Hold your butt, I’m trying to make it. You ever make 50-foot bubbles for 500 ships?”

“At least get ours.” Heinie said. “You probably can’t get zem all. But ve should go in first.”

“That’s… not going to be very easy.” Mason noted. They looked to the cyclone when a fleet of candy ships sailed out and began to blast cannonjawbreakers.

“LOOOOAD THE SPINACH GUNS!” a spinach man cried. The Spinachia Fleet blasted cannons loaded with green cannonballs, exploding into spinach that engulfed the whole decks of the ships upon impact.

“Heh-hey, that stuff actually works!” Mason beamed.

“Spinach is our thing, no?” Amerigo smirked.

“Just keep it up!”

“Ah’ll help, too!” Sheila spun her fists and began sending Light Spheres at the ships’ masts in attempt to break them.

“Guess we aren’t making that Coating.” Jessie figured. “Get ready, Sandy.”

“Right!” The two sailed their bubble boat forward, avoiding the cannonballs as Jessie whooshed his wand, sending a Bubble Torpedo at one of the masts and destroying it.

“Whoa!!” Mason gaped.

“MY turn!” exclaimed Sandy, whipping out two ropes of incredible length and leaping between two ships. “ROPE ACTION: TANGLED SHOELACE ATTACK!” She lashed the ropes to wrap around both masts and tied the other ends together, causing the ships to pull toward and ram each other. Jessie created a mini bubble skateboard and surfed around another deck, clogging the cannons with bubbles, so when they fired, the cannonballs caught and bounced right back, destroying the guns. Just as well, Sandy landed on the deck of another ship, catching all the cannons with her ropes, flipping them backwards, and making them shoot on the deck.

“Why aren’t these kids in Kids Next Door?” Mason face-palmed.

“’Cause Kids Next Door is old-time!” Sheila fist-palmed. “We’re the NEW generation! And we kick BUTT!” She spun and blasted a charged Light Sphere, destroying the front portion of a ship.

“Heh, this is too easy!” Mason beamed. “We’ll be at Candy Island in minutes!”

But unbeknownst to them, another evil waited beneath the depths. A great octopus made of sugary sweets emerged from the sea and gripped many spinach ships in its jelly-licorice tentacles. The soldiers tried to pierce them with spears, but the spears transformed into sugar and absorbed into the creature. “Don’t touch zose!” Henrietta cautioned. “It is vone of Big Mom’s Demon Sweets! Zey are monsters she ordered from Nightmare Enterprises, imbued vith her own DNA she sent over to Darkrai. Zey are meant to carry ze Candy Virus, so be careful!”

“GYAAAH!” Sheila frantically dodged before the octo smashed her with tentacles. Henrietta hurried over to slice the tentacles with swift Armament slices, but they were soon attacked by giant seasnakes designed like ho-hos.

“Eyaaaah!” Mason dodged the snakes’ cream-filled bites. “I stopped eating you guys years agoooo!”

“Watch-a out for the Caranhas!” a soldier screamed as block-shaped, caramel piranhas started jumping onto the deck in attempt to bite people.

Sheila hurriedly kicked away Caranhas, but one of them succeeded in biting her left toe. “YOW!” She kicked it quickly, but her heart raced in fear when her foot mutated into candy, and the virus seeped up her leg.

“HIIIISS!” A Ho-ho Serpent lunged down at Sheila, but a spiraling fireball shot into its mouth and drilled the top of its body before dropping to the deck. Sheila gasped when the flames cleared, revealing Chris and Aurora. “Mates!”

“Sheila, hold still!” Haruka dropped down with Dillon in his Shadow Glide, quickly forcing her fingernails in Sheila’s leg and absorbing the sugary substance from it.

“Haruka, what’re you doing?” Mason yelled with concern.

“I’ve come to grips with my parasite power. It isn’t what I wanted… but it helps.” Sheila’s leg was back to normal as Haruka’s arm became infected. “I think Caesar might’ve implanted his own DNA in this Devil Fruit. It’s packed with anti-bodies that can counter any harmful toxin. See?” They watched as Haruka’s sugary arm reverted to normal color.

“How did you learn that?” Mason asked.

“I had Mr. York fly me to Nightmare Land, and made Darkrai induce me with toooons of Fear Toxin.”

“Whoa.”

“It was the best way I could perfect this power. But don’t think I can use it on Big Mom’s curse; Darkrai thought I could only counter THESE creatures ‘cause they’re Nightmares.”

“But crikey, that don’t explain what you’re all doing here!” Sheila proclaimed. “What ‘appened? Where’s the bloomin’ KND Armada?”

“Gonna be preoccupied with defending Virginia, probably.” Aurora answered. “There was just one thing: we aren’t Kids Next Door. So we couldn’t go with ‘em.”

“But… I thought-…”

The 9 remaining Sector V members stared out the window, watching Mason’s escape pod fly out in the distance. “Siiiigh. They never hang around long enough.” Cheren sighed. “Well, before he was gonna leave, there’s something I wanted to tell all of you.”

“Hold on, Cheren.” Aurora suddenly spoke. “I think…I think Mason’s right. We can’t become Sector V again. Not until we have all our members. The ten- er… eleven of us,” she glanced at Carol, “are a family. That’s the way it’s always been.”

“Except for Cree’s time.” Harry noted.

“The point is, we’re not leaving Sheila behind. Our mission was to pose as pirates, and we’re going to see it through the end. So we’re not coming back to KND!”

“But we need to come up with a plan!”

“It’s not our business, Cheren. We’re not Kids Next Door right now. We’re pirates. And we follow our captain. …Right?” She looked at the others.

The other 8 exchanged glances. They couldn’t deny they were feeling the same way. “Well, since you just made the speech, we have to or we’ll feel guilty.” Harry replied.

Cheren sighed once more. “If we learned anything from our dad… halright, let’s turn this ship around-”

“Um, actually, Cheren… we may need to borrow a few ships.” Aurora spoke sheepishly. “If we’ll have a chance at defeating these pirates, we need to do some training. At least 2 days, we don’t know how much time we’ll have, so we’ll have to take a chance.”

“So you wanna head to Arctic Base?” Cheren asked.

“Actually, there’s somewhere in particular I want to go. And you all should do the same.”

“Hmmm… I think I get what you sayin’.” Harry said, standing up. “There’s somewhere I can go, too.”

“If THAT’S the case,” Carol stood confidently, “I’M asking my mom for more MONEY! Enough to drive those swabs crazy!”

Dillon rolled his eyes, still doubting this power. “Well, Aurora’s right, either way. We have to train and hurry to meet Sheila.”

“Yeah, we do.” Haylee replied. “But we should stop by Mrs. Chariton’s and resize Artie.”

“Actually, take me to the Undersea Lab.” Artie told them. “I think I can make do.”

Cheren was confused, needless to say. Why make a fuss about returning to your leader when you’re just splitting up? But he decided to roll with it. “Alright.” He shrugged. “We’ll get some ships ready.”

In minutes, the 9 kids were on aircrafts and flying different directions. “Well, what’re we gonna do about Big Mom??” Francis questioned. “She’s going to have Virginia burned for breaking the deal, isn’t she?”

“Sigh, yes, we’ll call every troop we can to come support us. We’ll just have to hope Sector V can take care of her.”

“Like we can.” Francis spoke with anger. “They let Panini die, how can they-”

“Look, Panini’s gone, I KNOW.” Cheren’s voice trembled when he said this. “I want to attack Big Mom more than anybody. But we can’t let anyone else we know get hurt, too. We have to protect our town and have faith in Sector V.”

“…” Francis still looked with remorse, “Okay.”

“The truth is, we left because we didn’t feel it was working, and we just couldn’t match your strength.” Aurora explained. “Except for Chris. But we just felt guilty about leaving you, and Mason sorta helped us realize that. So we decided… if we’re going to be in your crew, you deserve better. While we were on the transport, Haylee estimated it’d take 2 days to bake the cake, so we took that time to train. Then Haruka called us and said Darkrai told her Candied Island was in the Bermuda Triangle.”

“Siiiigh, I wish we coulda sailed into the scary cyclone WITHOUT knowin’ it led to another world, then it woulda been way more fun.” Sheila sighed.

“Yeah, but I’d still like to know whether or not we’re going to die.” said a tiny, mechanical fly, flapping beside them.   

“OI, BLIMEY!” Sheila pointed frantically. “IT’S A TALKING FLY!”

“What? Sheila, it’s me!”

The raccoon squinted closer. “Artie?”

“Hehe! Surprising, huh? I figured if I’m gonna be a pipsqueak, I’ll need the right gear. So I whipped this suit up at the Undersea Lab! I call this ability Fly Style!”

“Pfft. Is that it? I can flick you with mah tail.”

“You say that now, but you haven’t yet seen my-” Sheila simply swatted him away with her tail. “Grrrr! You’re lucky I’m nice enough not to test it on you!”

“Heh heh heh! As long as I’M not the one wearing the shrink suit.” Mason laughed.

“ROOOAAAR!” Three more Ho-ho Serpents emerged from the depths, but Dillon caught them all in a Shadow Stitching.

“CLUTCH!” Dillon squeezed them in his shadow and smashed the creamy creatures, splattering their substance everywhere.

“Ew.” Haruka said.

Another group of Caranhas jumped onto the deck, but quick as a fly, Artie shot them all with turrets on the side of his armor. “Oi, where’re the others?” Sheila asked.

Ah was just on mah boat on Seven Seas

When mah crewmate turns and overboards, he pees

It made me puke, felt like I was a nuke

Made me wish I was home readin’ Marmaduke.

A blue ship sailed in the area as its giant stereos blasted rap music. Harry stood upon the front, wearing sunglasses and nodding to this tune. “HEEEEE-EEEEEY!” Behind them was a gigantic cargo ship, loaded with cages of animals as Carol waved joyously from the front. “Check it out! I brought my 3 parrots, 5 turtles, 10 camels, 7 kangaroos, 8 bears, 4 bulls, 9 tigers, AND my mutant CANARY!”

“HOW DOES A GIRL OWN THAT MANY PETS?” they all screamed.

“But they all share one thing: LOVE for MY MONEY!” She raised a bundle of dollars, making all the animals screech and shake frantically.

“Carol, there’s no WAY we can take that whole ship into the cyclone!” Mason told her.

“No problem! I got my mom to send a couple people to pick up enough Shrink Sweets and Growth Gum! And once we get ’em all there, they’ll be READY to fight! Let me just work on shrinking them.”

“We got time to wait.” Haylee said, taking land beside them on her hang-glider, with Kirie on her back. “There’s still plenty of ships to take out.”

Indeed, about 10 ships were still patrolling the cyclone, and candied sea monsters with them. But before they knew it, the skies turned red, and the Big Mom crewmen were attacked by swarms of hungry, ravenous sea demons. “WAAAAAH! ABANDON SHIIIIP!” They jumped into the sea, but the demons easily claimed them as their prey.

The area was still normal to the others’ view, and had no idea why the monsters were fainting, and the crewmen abandoning ship. But they looked left and gasped, seeing the Boogey Coast sailing their way. A rope connected from the ship to the neck of the Sunny Day’s keel, pulling the smaller ship along. “It’s-a the Diavolo! Grim Glare Mandy herself!” a spinach man gasped.

“OI, YOU WANT MORE OF THIS?” Sheila screamed. “I’LL HIT YOU SO HARD, YOU’LL GET A NOSE!”

The rope detached from the Sunny and retracted back into the Boogey. With that, the giant ship turned and sailed away. “Um… THANK YOU.”

“YOU KNOW, IF YOU COULD DO THAT, YOU’D BE A LOT OF HELP INVADING THIS PLACE.” Chris yelled.

“Ahhh, bonk her, mates. Let’s get back on the Sunny!”

Everyone except Carol (who was still shrinking her animals) hopped back to the Sunny Day, unfurling the sails. “The time ’as FINALLY come, mates! There’s nothing else standing in our way! To CANDIED I-”

A larger cannonball blasted from the cyclone and crushed a group of spinach ships. A ship more massive than the lesser candy ships sailed out, squishing all of its failed underlings. It was the tasty, singing ship known as the Big Ma’am. “La la la, so many peoples, la la la, so much’s to squish.”

“IT’S-A THE BIG MA’AM!” Amerigo screamed.

“What the hell, is it singing?” Jessie questioned.

“Zat face is actually a Nightmare the Linlins ordered ages ago.” Henrietta explained. “It’s ein Nightmare that can possess any object without ein face. Zey hired it to control zeir ship; so essentially, it’s ze crew’s helmsman.”

“And also their top guard before enemy lines.” Chris observed.

“That ship may have a cruddy face,” Sheila fist-palmed, “but OURS ‘as a heart! Let’s see ‘ow much this excuse for an overgrown cake fairs against our little dinga!”

“O-kay!” Mason perked. “Raccoon Pirates: BATTLE STATIONS!”

“La la la, so so tiny, la la la, easy to kill.” (Play the “Ghost Ship Battle” theme from Zelda: Phantom Hourglass.)

Boss fight: Big Ma’am

The kids maneuvered the Sunny as the Big Ma’am tried to bombard them with jawbreaker cannonballs. Sheila and Chris punched light and fireballs at the ship’s side, but it didn’t have much effect. They quickly sailed the Sunny away as the Ma’am chased, so the kids took control of their own cannons and blasted the face. “Owie owie ow. So much pain, la la la, tiny balls hurt.”

“It’s still gonna catch up, we won’t be able to blast it to pieces in time!” Dillon yelled.

“Then maybe it’s my turn.” Aurora declared. “Time to put my training to the test.” She raised her right fist. “Flame Chi Gate: Open!” She touched it to her chest, and to their amazement, her body was engulfed in flames.

“WHOA!” They gaped.

“Heheh! Each bender can open their Chi Gate and unleash a stronger burst of their power! ‘Course, you get exhausted quicker, so I’ll try to conserve. I actually have another power too, but, I’ll show you later. In the meantime:” She shot bigger, stronger fireballs at the giant ship, forcing it to slow down.

“Ow ow ow. So very hot. I’m hot too, ship. See my candles.” The candles on the Ma’am’s cake sent flames back at the crew, so Chris and Aurora tried to grab and toss them back. In the meantime, the other crewmembers kept blasting the ship with their cannons, having to avoid when a fireball came at them.

“If only we can get around it.” Aurora said, her Flame Fury fading. “Can’t this thing go faster?”

“Faster than you!” Sheila smirked. “Watch this!” She ran to the back while spinning a charged Light Sphere. “HEEE-YUH!” She jumped off and PUNCHED the back of her own ship, sending it several meters forward.

“All right!” Aurora cheered. “Haylee, quick, turn it around!”

“What about Sheila?”

“She’ll catch up, just go.”

Haylee quickly turned the ship rightward, aiming to sail by the right of the Ma’am. The colossal ship meanwhile attempted to smash Sheila, but she gained footing and ran across the water, dodging the Ma’am just in time. She got back to her ship as the crew hurriedly blasted the larger ship’s cannons, knocking a few out. “Okay, let’s go for it.” Aurora powered up again. “HIIIIYAH!” She unleashed a powerful flame at the back-right mast, toppling it down. “OH-HOOOO-kay! Just keep firing and we’ll blow ‘er candles out in no time!”

They sailed behind the Ma’am as the others kept blasting, attempting to fire cannonballs above and strike the deck. Giant caramels with fireworks stuck in them were released from the back of the ship, so Chris and Aurora hurriedly shot fire to blow them up early, before they could reach their ship. They also attempted to blow up the ones that were just being released, resulting in the Ma’am being damaged. They were about to get on the ship’s left, seeing the next back mast. “I’ll handle this one.” the tiny Artie offered, flying up to that mast. Once at its base, he opened his pack and released a swarm of Chocomites, termites that ate chocolate. They ate off the base of the mast, causing it to topple as well.

“Okay! That just leaves the center mast and the face!” Aurora said.

They kept shooting the cannons along the port side, wiping them out as well. But Ho-ho Serpents soon emerged in front of them, forcing the kids to redirect fire and blast them to creamy pieces. “MATES, it’s turning around!” Sheila screamed.

“Uh-oh! HAYLEE, PORT!” At Aurora’s shout, Haylee rapidly spun the helm counterclockwise, turning their vessel and getting away before the Ma’am turned completely and almost smashed them. The creepy face on its keel smiled brightly at them as the cake’s candles shot flames. “We have to take this thing out! Don’t we have any secret weapons?”

“None that I remember programming.” Artie said.

“HEY, GUYS!” They looked over at Carol waving from her cargo ship. “I just remembered! When Marine was building that thing, she mentioned putting a supercannon in the keel! But it could only be used once, so it would have to count.”

“Now’s a better time than any.” Aurora said. “How do we fire it?”

“There’s a secret hatch by the keel! And it needs a few minutes to charge!”

They hurried over to rip this hatch open, finding two-sided handles on a circular bike-like device. “Haylee, get this ship turning, Sheila, start spinning it.” Aurora ordered. “The rest of you keep that big lunk back!”

Haylee parked the ship and rapidly began to turn it. Sheila gripped the handles tight and spun them faster than ever as the raccoon head’s mouth began to open, charging a golden light. The Big Ma’am drew closer and closer, its smile creepier than ever as it would enjoy nothing greater than crushing them into tiny pieces. The Sunny was finally turned completely, but was seconds from being crushed by the bigger ship. “SHEILA, WE NEED IT NOW!”

A wave caused by the Big Ma’am made the Sunny face upward slightly, but the charge finished in the nick of time and BLASTED the Ma’am’s head clear off.

“Eeeeeehhh.” The keel’s frowning, worried face fell right past them and splashed in the ocean. The cannon also blasted through the Ma’am and broke the base of the mast, causing it to come down.

“Ahhh! Quick! Grab the helm!” one of the Candy Pirates yelled.

“There IS no helm! That face was the only source of movement!”

“So that means… we’re sitting ducks.” He sat in depression.

“How the big and mighty fall.” Aurora shook her head.

Sheila sat on the Sunny’s keel and patted the head. “That’s a good cobber, Sunny. That’s a mighty good cobber!” (End song.)

The ship sailed away from the sitting Ma’am and approached the cyclone. They looked up as Carol floated to their deck with her parasol. “Sorry I couldn’t help, but I don’t do with cannons.” she remarked. “Too many broken nails.”

“’nuff said.” Dillon said.

A crane from her ship hauled over two boxes. The group peeked in, seeing her shrunken animals placed in separate cubicles in the boxes. “Awwww, they’re all so CUUUUTE!” Carol squealed with delight. “When I get home, I’m keeping them ALL tiny, and making my own MINI zoo!”

“You’ll have to expand them to fight, right?” Haylee asked. “Just how can you move well with those boxes, anyway? It feels like a burden.”

“I’ll get a few of those spinach guys to help carry them. Nice and easy!”

“A few of ze spinach ships are already Coated.” Henrietta mentioned, flying over on her helicopter. “Ve have enough for you all.”

Sheila turned to her crewmates as they all gave confident nods. Even though they were beaten before (and Artie can be squished with a fly-swatter), they looked more ready than ever. They were going to win this battle and swab those pirates! She hopped on the keel and faced forward. “LET IT Coat!”

Jessie used the last of his breath to encase their ship inside a sturdy, strong bubble. “Okay, HUUFF.” Jessie lied down. “That’s all. I’m saving the rest for battle, HUUUFF.”

“I just wish we could’ve made it before she ate Panini.” Chris said sadly. “Bro’ll never be the same.”

“Neither will Francis…” Aurora spoke with guilt.

“Hm? Vhat are you talking about?” Henrietta asked.

“Oh, we forgot to mention.” Mason spoke sadly. “When Big Mom found out we were Kids Next Door, she ate our friend, Panini. And now all our other friends have to keep her from burning Virginia.”

“Actually, she might not be dead.”

“Huh?” They looked up with hopeful faces.

“Because of ze Candy Curse, Big Mom’s digestive system is slow and faulty for ozer materials. Of course, if Panini is loaded vith sugar herself, ze digestion might go faster. Zat is, unless Panini has ze strength.”

“Oh, if there’s one thing about Panini, it’s her strength.” Chris smirked. “We still have a chance to save her! Boy, won’t Cheren be happy!”

“Then it’s time we get going.” Aurora smirked. “I made a promise to Francis, and I intend to keep it!”

“Vant to announce it, Sheila?” Heinie asked.

“LET’S GOOOO!”

“Ha ha ha! I was hoping for that.” Mason smiled.

And the ship sailed to the cyclone with no hesitation. The Spinach Fleet watched as the Coated vessel flew up through the maelstrom. “Now is OUR turn, i miei amici.” Amerigo announced. “Anyone willing, let’s GO!”

“YAAAAAHHH!” Their ship sailed in next, followed by others of the Spinach Armada, even the ones with no Coats. They put all their faith in these kids, and they were going to help them much as they can. For the good of Spinachia, and all spinach-lovers everywhere! They would win this battle.

I honestly expected this to be much shorter. Amazing how much room fights take. So next time, we will finally go to Candied Island, and the characters will fight their respective Big Mom matches. And even more, most of them will demonstrate new abilities! ;) So somethin’ to look forward to.

Chapter Text

So comes the conclusion arc of this arc. Be prepared, ’cause Candied Island’s gonna last a while, just like Coruscant.

Chapter 12: Sugary Paradise

Bermuda Triangle; Earth’s sub-world

The Sunny Day and the small group of Coated ships safely made it out of the cyclone and sailed forward. They assumed other Spinach Ships would try to sail through, but had no time to wait. “So this is Earth’s sub-world, huh?” Chris asked. It didn’t look much different from the sea they’re used to. The sky was still cloudy, water was still blue… there may’ve been a slight shift in atmosphere, but only the real sensitive ones would feel that.

“It’s generally ze same, but zere are many lands here zat stand out from ze normal Earth. Candied Island, ze origin land of ze many Candy Tribes, is vone of them. Zere is also Lilliput, home of tiny humans, and Brobdingnag, home of ze Giant humans.”

“Oh yeah, Aeincha is from Lilliput, isn’t she!” Haylee beamed.

“I recall your parents also fought a villain called Big Brother.” Heinie said. “He is a Giant from Brobdingnag.”

“Really?” Chris asked.

“Big Brother got lost at sea vone day and ended up in Virginia. He didn’t fit in vell vith normal children, and zey teased him, so he decided to become the big bully you see today. And even joined ze supervillains to further hurt smaller children.”

“Too bad he couldn’t take a few lessons from Mocha.” Dillon commented.

“SNIIIIIIFF.” No aroma smelled sweeter in Haylee’s nose. “I smell it… Cake… cookies… brownies… syrup… baked GOODS…. It’s Candied Island!!”

“Hm hm hm!” Heinie giggled. “Candied Island’s is ze strongest odor in ze sub-world. Ze Lilliputians have ze strongest sense of smell, and zey’re kinda annoyed vhen Candied reaches.”

“At least that means it’s easy to find.” Aurora said. “I just wonder if Panini’s still hanging in there. Not digesting your food for 2 days is pretty uncommon.”

“But it is not impossible in Big Mom’s case. Vhen I vas a child, she ate 10 hamburgers and had zem in her belly for 2 veeks. Panini is a strong-willed girl from vhat I read from Ace’s letters about you guys. Panini is sure to last longer.”

“I thought Ace had no idea where you were, how did he send you letters?” Haylee asked.

“Oh, ve used messenger birds. Much more reliable, almost. Zough I suppose now’s the chance to tell me of any new adventures uphand.”

“Did he tell about when Mason was tiny-?” Carol asked giddily, until Mason silenced her.

“Well, we have one, but it’ll take way too much time to tell.” Haylee replied.

“Vell, I have something to look forward to. Oh, look! Ze clouds are turning purple!” Indeed, the gray clouds from minutes earlier were gone like that, and strange purple clouds filled the heavens. “…And zere it is!” Their faces lit with astonishment: the paradise they’ve only heard in stories lay in their view. A landscape that made them hungry just looking at it, a forest of candycanes and lollipops, houses made of gingerbread, rivers of chocolate and frosting with marshmallows (typical), and great gigantic, colorful cakes for mountains, with frosting melting from the top (posing as waterfalls), and enormous candles creating the purple clouds in the sky.

“Mmmm…” Sheila appeared glum.

“Vhat’s wrong, Sheila?” Heinie asked.

“Siiigh… a place like this is any adventurer’s dream. And now that we’re finally here… it just don’t feel as exciting. Finding that place they debated was real just kills your whole motivation.”

“Sigh, ja… ze reality is, zis place is easy to find, if you are lucky. Aside from being in a sub-dimension, it’s placed like any other land. Still, I used to live here vith Big Mam, so I couldn’t be as excited as anyvone else about zis place. But zat’s part of the reason I left. Vhen I still adventured vith Abby, vhen I vas trying to make her ze caramels’ victim, it vas ze time of my life. Knowing zere vas a much bigger vorld beside this little bit, knowing zere vere all sorts of exotic candies and places… zat vas the best part of trying to heal my own curse. And meeting Ace… made it so much better.”

“Yeh… adventuring’s always better with someone to do it with.” Sheila smiled.

“Ze point is, Sheila, even zough this place is a proven fact, it shouldn’t stop from finding ozer places to explore. A candy hunter solely could get you so little places. You must be more open, and search other things.”

“Yeh, Ah’m gettin’ sick of candy, anyway.”

“I know I am. Zat’s vhy I vould like zis candy-coated nightmare to be done.”

“Uh-oh! The sugarheads are already on us!” Aurora yelled, seeing Nutter Flutters (birds of chocolate and nuts) flying at them from the cake mountains, as well as a few candy ships sailing around the shore.

“You kids must defeat Big Mom.” Henrietta said, drawing her sword. “Her base is up on Whole Cake Mountain like you see zere. Her associates vill be vaiting, too, so get ready to fight them.”

“Oh, we’re more than ready!” Haylee smirked. “We’re ready to shower 2 days’ worth of training on them!”

“And this time, we’ll be keeping up with Sheila.” Harry assured.

“Good, ’cause I ain’t waitin’ for ya!” Sheila yelled.

“Ve’ll protect the ship.” Heinie told them. “Just go ahead of us.”

“All aboard the Bubble Boat!” Jessie announced, he and Sandy already on said boat.

“OI’M FIRST!” Sheila hopped on excitedly. Once the others were onboard, Jessie whooshed his wand and flew the boat directly for the shore. “WOOHOO!”

“Sheila, wait!” Their captain already jumped off, forcing the others to join.

“Here we goooooo!” Jessie and Sandy’s cries echoed in the distance, far along the way to Whole Cake Mountain.

“Sheila, we coulda rode them the rest of the way!” Mason yelled. “Why did you jump off??”

“This may be our last adventure as Raccoon Pirates, and I want it to be old-natural! We may be here to stop Big Mom, but as pirates, we need to pillage and plunder! Which is a form of adventuring."

“Sheila… you’re absolutely right.” said Mason.

“Such a suck-up.” Haruka remarked.

“I would follow her, too.” a Hispanic voice said. They whipped around and saw Augustus standing at the base of Candycane Grove.

“You!” Haruka formed a slight purple cloud.

“Relax. I’m not here to fight.” Augustus said coolly, sucking on a lollipop. “I just wanted to congratulate you. You made it far for a couple of runts.”

“Well, you should know how far runts can run, Gus." Haylee told him.

“From you, Haylee, especially. That’s why, I wanted to ask you to join us. Even as Kids Next Door, I know that deep down, a candy paradise like this is one you could only imagine. That’s why when Big Mom invited me here, I couldn’t resist. I wasn’t getting anywhere with my own mom. Probably ‘cause she was afraid or something.”

“Is THAT why you left?” Haylee asked. “Wasn’t it for the Candy Virus?”

“Oh, I’m already aware that my mom lost the virus. It’s Big Mom I’m trying to help. After a while here, Candied Island gets boring, I will admit. But did you know there’s an even GREATER paradise out there? One far greater than Candied Island, and candy as far as the eye can see! Can you guess what it is? The one, true, Candied Planet!”

“A whole planet made of candy? That’s… I don’t know what to say!” Haylee beamed lovingly.

“I know! And that’s why I wanted you to join us. Once Big Mom has that cake, she can take us to the promised land! A sugar-coated paradise where only one of pure sugar could take us! That’s why I followed Big Mom. In a world where Candied Island exists, what universe wouldn’t have a Candied Planet!”

“Blimey… a whole planet like that… that’d open WAY more adventures.” Sheila smiled. “But at the same time… I don’t think that’s what Big Mum is about. She don’t ’ave the same spirit, from what I see.”

“Well, I see it clearly! Generations of candy hunters run in our veins, forever seeking candies yet to be discovered! Big Mom has never let me down, so I know she won’t now!”

“Well, regardless of her intentions… she kind of ate our mate. So I have to kick her arse for that, eh?” Sheila fist-palmed.

“If that’s what you want, then I’ll have to stop you, too. I’ll go let the crewmen know you’re coming.” He performed a series of mighty leaps across the trees.

“Why are teens automatically more agile?” Harry asked.

“So are we.” Sheila said. “Let’s explore this place and kick Big Mum’s bum!”

“You hardly even kick, Sheila, it’s all punching.” Aurora remarked.

“It’s kicking with your fists. Let’s just go!”

“And YOU two, hurry up with my animals!” Carol yelled.

Two Spinach Men hurriedly rowed over on boats, stepping off and carrying the crate of mini animals. “This whole technique is more complicated than it’s worth!” They panted, trying to follow the crew as they ventured. (Play the “Chocolate Room” Theme from the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory game.)

Final stage: Candied Island

Mission: Defeat the Big Mom Pirates and stop their evil plans!

Act 1

The kids disembarked and started their quest through Candycane Grove, where Shy Guys were harvesting the trees for lollipops. Some of the Shy Guys walked on candycane stilts and used them to kick jawbreakers lying on the ground. Chris kicked the jawbreakers away and punched fireballs, while Sheila punched Light Spheres, but the Shy Guys kicked them away as well. Kirie defeated the first one simply by climbing up its stilts and kicking it down, so the others followed her example.

They came to an open area where the path continued above a high ledge, and many Stilt Guys roamed around at different heights, with the highest one being a few feet below the ledge. Carol tossed money on the ground and attracted the Shy Guys, guiding them to line in a row from shortest to tallest, starting from a small platform across from the higher. With that, it was just a matter of jumping the stairs of Stilt Guys.

They made it up and followed a clear path through the woods, ambushed by Tediz who jumped out from the trees. The team evaded their guns as Kirie tossed flower shurikens to slice their stuffing, leaving Artie to fly inside the openings and release mini maggots to start eating the stuffing from the inside. They reached a small pit with chocolate lava, and had to swing across leaning candycanes via Licoropes to reach the next path.

They soon reached a classic chocolate creek with their favorite big marshmallows flowing down from a javafall. The marshmallows weren’t big and bouncy enough to get them up the javafall, so they bounced to another foothold on the other side to get some Shrink Sweets (except for Artie, who could already fly even). Once minimized, the marshmallows became a lot bouncier, and allowed them to bounce up the javafall as they were coming down. They continued bouncing up the chocolate river while in their miniaturized state, while Spy Guys jumped around the marshmallows to shoot the minis with slingshots.

Sheila was strong enough to punch the Spy Guys off with Light Spheres, as usual, and Artie helped by shooting them off with mini lasers. They made it to a clear path on the left of the river, and ate some Growth Gum to grow back. Meanwhile, Carol’s two spinach aids climbed a cliff on the side of the javafall using spinach ropes, and were able to catch up with them, still weary from carrying the crates. The new path led them to a snowy area, where, you guessed it, the snow was vanilla ice cream. There was a small pond of normal water, only it was very cold. A snowman was built, so Sheila knocked it down to begin rolling its bottom snowball. When it was large enough, she pushed it over the pond to freeze a path for them.

They approached the base of a hill divided in four flavors, vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, and green tea (which I guess would be considered the “fifth flavor,” since- ;P). Giant snowballs of those flavors were rolling down, inconsecutively so the kids could dodge around them. The top of the hill had four Tongue Ones spitting the ice cream balls out, but the flavors didn’t match their tongues. The cream balls rolled down from a hill behind the Tongue Ones’ wall, and on both sides of the hilltop were two bolts, vanilla and chocolate on the left, and strawberry and green on the right. Haylee stuck her wrench over each bolt to crank it, moving the respective colored tongue. She aligned all tongues with their flavored snowball, and their tasty sensations returned. “THAAAANK YOOOU.” They stuck their tongues out as Fudgepuffsicles were placed on them. The kids happily bit a Puffsicle (except Artie, and Carol once again rode Mason) and let the wind breeze them to a snowing ice cream cake mountain. The Spinach Helpers, however, hurried their way to the mountain on foot.

The kids were on a small ledge where mini vanilla balls rolled out of a hole in the wall, apparently piling on a snow dune. Chris melted the snow with fire, revealing a hidden Bouncemallow, which bounced the snowballs over the higher ledge, where they just plopped on the ground. There were many more snow piles here, so Chris melted them all to reveal Bouncemallows under some of them. They placed one in the spot where the snowballs landed, letting them bounce to another barren area between two thin stalagmites. They grabbed another marshmallow and stuck it between the two stones, the top aiming left at an angle so the snowballs bounced between two more. They placed marshmallows between two more stalagmite sets, eventually bouncing them into a Tongue One on the mountainside. “Thaaaank yoooou.”

The face unleashed a breath of ice that froze two parallel waterfalls just over the edge. With that, they could Wall Jump up the two falls and reach the mountaintop. They found a lake of chilly water and no way across, but an ice-blue, block platform sat in the middle-right. Sheila spun a sphere and punched it, and it revealed to be a Sunshine Caramel as it created an ice course illusion. The path directed left, to right, then to the other side. They first had to jump up some steps onto a ledge, but as if by magic, they were forced to skate on the ice, making jumps difficult. Once on the ledge, they had to jump small platforms over icy spikes, so as one could imagine, their slip-ups resulted in spiked behinds. In this case, Mason and Chris. But Artie, however, flew over all that. Lucky little fly. :P

In the last corner turn was a Rock Candy bushel, so they each took a bite to encase in a sphere. They sped down a hill over the ending ledge, then the hill waved upward as they rolled right, having to jump gaps in the narrow road. The road spiraled around a vertical ice cream mountain, and as they rolled along, they formed swirls around the giant sweet, before launching off at the top. They landed on another road and made a few turns before they landed on a frosting path. They saw they were on Whole Cake Mountain, and this path led to a cave entrance. But they couldn’t step close until someone surprised them. (End song.)

“Hoy-HOYYYYY!” They looked above the cave’s entrance as Sir Knightly leaped down. “WASSUP, my frieeeeeends!”

“It’s Knightly!” Haruka yelled, the team getting in fighting poses.

“Welcome to Whole Cake Mountain, yooooo! You stand at the entrance of BIG MOM’S secret lair! A lair which I’m not supposed to speak about!”

“…”

“…Oh. …Did I tell all that to you?”

“YES.”

“Forgot to bring my Cucco.”

“HOW DOES THAT EFFECT IT?”

“YOOOOU WILL NOT GET PAST MEEEE. IIIII know karatowuando!” He got in a pose. “Iiiii will kick your BUTT, and seeee you NEVER get by here.”

“Excellent!” Chris marched forward. “I’ve been looking for another workout.” His palms alit.

“AAAAH! I-I was just kidding! Uh—YEEEEEK!” He dashed up the right wall and was gone.

“HEY!” Chris leapt onto that wall and chased him across a valley. (Play the Enemy Theme from the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory game.)

Chris chased Knightly across a small yard of candycane crops, just under the mountains as giant globs of icing came down. Sir Knightly dashed up one of the vertical mountainsides, and Chris followed while sprouting flames behind him from his fists. Sir Knightly was quick enough to run up on his own, causing cake-rocks to fall that Chris had to dodge. Knightly made it onto a slope that spiraled around the mountain, rushing quick as he could to escape Chris’s wrath. Knightly leaped high over giant icing balls, which Chris punched through with flaming fists, and jumped over broken gaps in the ground.

Knightly slid down a thin, slippery slope of icing, divided in many routes that Chris navigated carefully to avoid the chasms. The slide dropped them off into a close trench that Knightly Wall Jumped across (his body vertical, and arms and legs squeezed in, as he fluttered his fingers and toe-ends with each jump). Chris did the same (well not the flutter part), having to avoid pits of java in the wall. The trench became wider as they jumped slippery ice cream platforms over java, with Knightly causing them to topple, making it a bit harder for Chris. Finally, Knightly made it to a foothold with a cave, and Chris chased him inside.

Knightly kept running, but panicked when the cave stopped at a dead end. “STOP there!” He whipped around, seeing Chris. “Think you could outrun me? I’m not the pushover I was before. I’ll kick that armored BUTT this time!” He lit his hands.

“Ohhhhh. Will you?” Knightly pushed a button on the wall.

A trapdoor opened below Chris’s feet. “AAAAAHH!” It closed.

“Oh-… He go bye-bye. Well then… time to bake that cake!” He whistled and walked off nonchalantly. (End song.)

Back with the others

“Should we go after him, too?” Aurora asked.

“Naaah, he’s doin’ his own thing. We got a mountain to explore!” Sheila cheered. “Let’s go, mates!” And so, they rushed into the chocolate cave.

“It’s awfully dark in here.” Artie said, flying forward carefully to be weary of his path. “You don’t think there’re candy spiders, do you?”

“I heard about Wriggle Sweets.” Haylee panted. “They come close.”

“So what’s the plan, anyway?” Dillon asked. “Find the baking room, wreck it, and feed Big Mom the shrunken White Asparagus?”

“Oi, if this cobber’s up to the task.” Sheila pulled out the mini asparagus. “But no wreckin’ the bakery! I want a taste o’ that cake, too!”

“But won’t you just get cursed like Sherry did?” Harry asked.

“Not if we eat little bits! That was the plan!”

“To be honest, I wanna eat that cake, too.” Haylee said. “But we shouldn’t let Big Mom get it either way.”

“But it’s probably already almost done. And this place is so huge, not to mention all the officers.” Artie mentioned.

“We can take ’em!” Mason smirked confidently. “We’re ready this time!”

The cave became brighter when they entered a round room that went up a few floors, with the next hall across from them. Mason gasped, “Look out!”, his friends stopping when Fat Jack crashed in the center.

“Not so fast, ahhhh thought you kids learned by now.”

“Great. This guy, too.” Haruka glared.

“You gonna pay for smashin’ mah ship. Ah had a lot-a candies in that, ahhhh, was savin’ for later.”

“I’ll like to see that flabby belly whoop all a’ us!” Sheila fist-palmed.

“Just leave him to me, guys.” Mason offered, stepping in front. “The rest of you should worry about the other commanders. Not waste time with this junk.”

“But can you really beat ‘im by yourself?” Haruka asked.

“If I don’t have you all to distract me, sure.”

“My thoughts exactly!” Sheila perked. “Time to get on with exploring, cobbers! Don’t expect us to wait for you, Mate!” The others ran around Fat Jack and down the next hall. The Spinach Helpers panted tirelessly as they tried to keep up with the crew, still carrying the boxes.

“So, ahhhhh, you survive my squishing, ahhhh.” Jack noticed.

“Yes, and I haven’t even taken my bath, yet. Which, in my case, means you should watch yourself.” Mason smirked. “Just how does someone GET so heavy, anyway?”

“When they eat much, much, much like I have. And I ate the Weight-Weight Fruit, ahhhh, I can alter mah own body weight from 15 nanograms, ahhhh to kajillion mega lbs. So therefore I can attain any sort of speed and floatability ahnd stuff.”

“Well, there goes my suggestion to take fitness classes. Not that you’d listen.”

“Probly not, ahhhhh, though the food I eat still adds to my weight. All the swimmin’ good grub that I eat makes me fat, ahhhh, and people go squishy squishy when I, ahhh, do as such.”

“You’re not going squishy squishy on me. If you haven’t guessed, food makes ME stronger, too. As a poisonbender, I get empowered by foods with unnatural chemicals, or that generally make you gassy. Henceforth, my FAVORITE beverage is-” He whipped open his sweater, and strapped around the inside were many cans of- “SODA! The fizziest, gassiest liquid on the shelves! I stocked up on plenty before we left, but I never had a chance to use my arsenal until now! So let’s see who can guzzle more!”

“Ahh yeah? Le’s see you talk, after big ol’ Fat Jack gets ta fartin’ on you, ahhhhh, you little gas mouth.” (Play “Dragon Chef’s Belly” from Rayman Origins.)

Boss fight: Fat Jack

Fat Jack jumped in attempt to smash Mason, but he dodged aside and chugged two sodas, burping Gas Bombs at Jack. Jack withstood the attacks and lunged at Mason, punching the boy away. He looked up when Jack jumped at him headfirst, so he flipped upside-down, aimed his butt directly at Jack’s face, and blasted a powerful Fart Bomb that sent Jack across the room. The chubby pirate lied down and rolled at Mason, but the boy jumped and shot gas clouds, which Jack recovered and inhaled through his mouth. Mason chugged more soda and burped more Gas Bombs, which Jack caught inside his mouth. “Ahhhh… don’t you know? The Weight-Weight Fruit gives me control of my internal gases. As light as helium, or a heavy load of acid… I can send it all right back, ahhhhh.”

Mason blew a Bounce Gum and bounced onto Jack’s face, sticking his mouth shut. “Yeah, well poisonbending lets me control ALL gases, including yours.” He smirked. “Get ready for a wild hangover.” He gripped Jack’s belly with both hands, furiously spinning the gas Mason blasted inside him. He also spun Jack’s digestive acids, bunching them all together and compressing them. “Saaay boom!” He released, jumped away, and let the gas POP inside his belly, causing Jack to puke, only for the barf to get stuck behind the gum covering his mouth.

“Mmmmm!” Jack ripped the gum off and desperately coughed out all the puke. This allowed Mason to grab it in his bending and smack Jack’s face with a Barf Fist. He then grabbed him by the head in the fist and tossed him across the room.

“Ahhhh… I don’t just got a lot of gas. Ahhh’m sugaaaared with sweets.” With that, Fat Jack tossed a Shrink Sweet in his mouth and minimized. Mason kept his guard this time, dodging as the tiny man lunged like a bullet. After one dodge, he grabbed Jack and threw him to the ground, attempting to crush him under his shoe. Fat Jack’s enhanced weight prevented Mason from adding pressure, and the tiny chubby thrusted up and sent Mason to the air. Fat Jack became light and flew up with him, shooting at him from all directions and beating him around until he fell to the ground. Fat Jack ate a Growth Gum and returned to normal, and while Mason was still on his front, Fat Jack leapt high above, ready to squish him with full force. “You’ll become flapjack, ahhhhh.”

“Gnnn… Flurp hasn’t failed me now.” Mason quickly pulled out a Blue Flurp and chugged it down. He felt Fat Jack’s shadow increasing around him, so he quickly channeled the gas in his stomach and sent it to his rear. Jack came down as fast as he could, but Mason shot a fart stronger than he’s ever done, a straight ray of gas that kept Jack above him. Mason kept the gas going, and channeled enough force to send a Gas Bomb that blew Jack away.

“Siiiigh…” Mason weakly helped himself up. “That kinda backfired on me, ooh. …” He gripped his stomach. “My mom sure won’t appreciate this.”

“Ahhhh.” Fat Jack got up. “You think that’s enough to shtump me? Ah’ll drown you in the batter, ahhhh.” So Jack jumped and jumped, increasing his weight each time, and after the third time, he shook the room with enough force to make cake batter flow in through the walls. “Get ready to be drowned and baked, ahh. See you upstairs.” He flew straight up like a rocket, using his farts. Mason only smirked and drank another soda, mimicking Jack’s actions and flying up the shaft with a Fart Rocket. On the way up, Fat Jack slowed down and tried to ram Mason, but Mason flew higher, kicked Jack’s face briefly, and flew up higher.

They landed on a thin ring around the wall partway up the shaft, and Jack punched a button that closed the gap. “Ahhhh. Maybe you need run you down, ahhhh.” Fat Jack ate a Rock Candy, but instead of throwing the remains to the ground, he ate it as well, causing the spherical crystal to puff inside him. Mason sort of flinched at the sight, but Jack merely became more round as he started furiously rolling around the room.

Mason tried to avoid, but Jack controlled his speed with his power, and kept rolling and rolling and running Mason over. “Hurrrr!” Mason saw a Rock Candy bushel across the room and tried to run to it, but Fat Jack crushed him under his rocky weight, his face now over Mason’s head.

“You’s-a can’t poison me, ‘cause rock be blockin’ my tunnels, ahhhh.”

“I can’t imagine you’d breathe very well with that thing.”

“Ahhhh I have fairly strong lungs.”

“Well I don’t, so if you’ll excuse me-” Mason burped a Gas Bomb directly at the ground, blowing them both off and injuring himself slightly. He recovered quickly and ran to bite the Rock Candy, encasing himself and defending when Fat Jack rolled over. The two zipped around and around the room, Mason ramming Jack’s face a few times, but it hardly did much as Jack pushed Mason away with greater force, eventually breaking his rock. “Geeeh! I can’t break his crystal with his flabby skin blocking it. Maybe I should try…” He pulled out some Silver Flurp and drank away. “WOOOOO!! AM I LOOKIN’ GOOD, YOU GUYS? I LOOK GREAT!!” He wore his frantic face and wide grin. “WAAAAAA!”

Fat Jack kept trying to ram him, but Mason moved too fast for him to catch. Mason rapidly grabbed a Rock Candy and encased himself again, rolling faster and faster as Jack couldn’t keep up. Before he knew it, the spherical crystal slammed Jack’s face like a meteor, forcing him against the wall and breaking his own crystal. “AHHHHhhhhhhhh.” Mason continued rolling against Jack, his frantic expression unchanging as he aimed to be pushing the pirate through the wall. He succeeded, sending Jack flying into a vast underground room with chocolate lava. Jack landed on a foothold, and Mason shot into the room and broke his crystal on another foothold.

“Ohhhh…” The Silver Flurp wore off, making Mason dizzy. “I thought that might happen… Boy, I wish I landed in a better place.”

“Too bad.” Fat Jack recovered on his foothold. “Now I’m gonna squishes you, ahhhhh.” Fat Jack began jumping around the platforms and making them crumble under his weight. He finally leapt to Mason’s, who was still too dizzy to attack him. “But perhaps yommy chocolate for my tommy, ahhhh.” Fat Jack pulled out a Fudgepuffsicle and ate, puffing like a balloon as he slowly floated upward.

Mason looked around nervously, seeing no way to go as his platform was sinking. “My pelvis’s getting too weak for farts… but I’ll have to make due.” He drank another soda, and Fart Rocketed to grab Jack’s puffy hand.

“Ahhhh let go, ahhhh.” Fat Jack increased his weight and fell slightly, but quickly lightened and floated up, only for Mason to still hang on.

“Not gonna let go of me! If I fall, you go with me!”

“Ahhhh.” Fat Jack decided to keep floating up as Mason climbed onto his faced-up belly, able to squat down and search Jack’s jacket pocket.

“You have to have a few in here…. Aha!” He acquired a bottle of Fizzy Lift Soda. He drank the soda and began to float himself, flying to the narrow route in the wall. “You mighta had a better time drinking THAT!”

“I was going to later, ahhhh.”

“Well, the early worm spots the bird!” Fat Jack chased Mason into the corridor, making himself like a rubber ball as he bounced between the walls, catching up to and attempting to knock Mason down. Mason grabbed Jack’s hand, flipped onto his belly, and kicked him hard enough to push him downward. “He ha!” He flew to the safe ground at the end.

Fat Jack burped the Puffsicle thanks to Mason’s kick, but lightened his weight still and kicked up the walls, making it to the path Mason was. He already appeared gone down the hall, so he rolled down to catch up, but the minute he entered a room, Mason burped a Gas Bomb that damaged him upon entry.

“Enough, ahhhh. Now I show you, how FAT Ah really am.” He grabbed a few chunks off the chocolate wall and gobbled ‘em up, and he seemed to increase in roundness. Actually, he looked more like a flabby blob. “Ahhhhhhhhh.” He leaped straight through the ceiling, very high in the air and light of weight despite his flabby exterior. Mason tried to run away, but Fat Jack burst through the ceiling, smashed Mason, and broke them through the floor, all the way down a long dark shaft until they ended up in an underground cave with ice-cream-cone stalactites.

Mason got squished under the man’s unbearable weight, desperately struggling to breathe. “Ahhhh one last squish should do it. Good luck tryin’ to fart this, ahhhhh.” He jumped all the way back up the shaft, and dropped down with more weight.

Mason felt like a bug that was just crudely stomped on, with only a few seconds to live. And he probably did only have a few seconds, for another Ground Pound from Jack would leave him a splat puddle of blood and guts. With what little strength he had, he raised his left arm and reached into his pocket. “’Guess I don’t have… any other choice. It’s time for… the Gold Flurp!” He pulled out another soda can that was solid gold. Fat Jack would reach him in seconds, but it took all his strength to crack the can open, move it to his mouth, and weakly pour it in. The soda didn’t flow in his mouth for long before Fat Jack crashed down with incredible force.

“Nnnnn…ahhhh?” He felt no lump under his pompous body, wondering if Mason escaped. Or if he just couldn’t feel him. However, when the smoke cleared, Jack saw a figure in front of him. Mason stood with another wide, creepy grin, head twitching as his blood-sugar levels spiraled out of control. Fast as light, Mason vanished, and before Jack knew it, he was PUNCHED straight in the stomach, making his flabby body wave like half-solid goo. “Ahhhck.” He coughed some spit out. Just as fast, Mason swung his leg upward, kicked Jack to the air, and SHOT his leg into his crotch area. “Ahhhh!” His eyes watered. Jack wasn’t even sure what was down there.

Jack crashed back on the ground as Mason landed on his feet. “HEYJACKIEYOUEVERBEENONASUGARRUSHLIKETHISTHISISTHEFIRSTTIMEFORMEANDITFEELSGREAT IFEELLIKEI’MGONNAEXPLODEBUTHEYMYBLOODISWICKEDPUMPED IFEELLIKEICANJUMPOFFABUILDINGANDBEOKAY!” Mason zipped from all directions and kicked Jack anywhere he could.

“Ahhhh! No one’s ever been able to punch through my fat before. I need to loosen up.” He made himself light to make Mason’s punches ineffective. However:

“Yooooouuu FELL FOR IIIIIIT!” Mason grabbed his little hand and swung him around and around, into the cone stalactites.

“Nnnnmmm!” The cones didn’t pierce Jack’s flabby exterior, but that was when Mason frantically searched Jack’s pockets.

“WHATDIDHAYLEESAYWASTHEDANGEROFFUDGEPUFFSICLES?”

Mason found a Fudgepuffsicle and shoved it into Jack’s mouth.

“Sheeeeee SAIDITWOULDMAKEYOUGOPOPPYYYY!”

Fat Jack’s eyes widened as his body became bigger and rounder than before. He had the weight of a balloon, with the sharp cones already piercing his smooth belly. “Ah-oh.”

A fierce strum of Mexican horns boomed as the bulky balloon exploded with all of Jack’s ingested materials. Chewed and digested candies, now in the form of colorful goop, covered almost the whole chamber. The slobbery supplier was a huge, overpumped balloon that was now deflated and flat. The Golden Flurp wore off as Mason weakly stood with tired eyes. “I think I would’ve gone with fat camp.” Mason limped down the cave that led out of the room. He was gonna be sick for weeks. (End song.)

Once upon a time, there was a little Mexican boy named Jackie Golos, who loved to eat candy. He ate and ate, and got terribly fat. So fat, that the other kids teased him. To fulfill his lust for candy, he sought Candied Island, and joined the Big Mom Pirates, given the Weight-Weight Fruit to adjust his own weight. In his hometown, he was nicknamed Fat Jack.

With the others

The other Raccoons kept running and arrived at a room connecting five different hallways. “Ten bucks says Big Mom’s down the center one.” Dillon said.

Indeed, the center hall was labeled Throne Chamber. The others were Filing Room, Inventing Room, Captain’s Quarters, and Bakery. And they had a good idea which crewmen were down which path. “Just split up, secure the whole place!” Aurora announced.

“WE CALL INVENTING ROOM!” The Gilligans rushed down that way. Aurora followed the Captain’s Quarters, Kirie smelled the yummy goods and followed the Bakery, while Sheila and Haruka dashed to the Throne Chamber.

“Aren’t you going?” Dillon asked Carol.

“In a minute.”

“Huff! Huff! Huff!” The Spinach Helpers caught up again. “Okay.” They took a bit to catch their breaths, “Where next?”

“This way!” Carol rushed down the Filing Room. “Dillon, go help Kirie in the Bakery, she might need it!” The soldiers still panted as they followed.

’Course, Dillon figured someone else needed him more.

Haruka and Sheila

Haruka tried her best to keep up as her raccoon captain was faster than ever on her feet. “Sheila, shouldn’t we come up with a plan? Big Mom’s virus might be greater than your average Demon Sweet. If she infects you, I can’t promise I can heal.”

“Oh, Oi trust you, Haruka.” She smiled. “You’re a bloomin’ beast with those poisons.”

“You give me too much. I just don’t want to underestimate her. She’s on Davy Jones’s level.”

“Pfft, Jones wasn’t that tough, and neither was Mandy. I’ll whoop her can!”

Haruka eye-rolled, “Makin’ with the synonyms, huh?”

The duo came to a halt when a Stilt Guy platoon dropped from the ceiling. They aimed slingshots, but a rope whipped from behind and pulled the stilts down, while Bubble Torpedoes sailed and knocked the Shy Guys out. “There you guys are!” Sandy exclaimed.

“Why the f*** did you jump off my boat??” Jessie yelled.

“HE CUSSED!” they screamed.

“He doesn’t mean it.” Sandy whimpered.

“WE UNDERSTAND.”

“Now hurry up! Big Mom’s room’s just this way!” Jessie said.

“Let’s go!” Sandy declared. The first-graders ran ahead as the two followed.

Bakery Hall

I smell cookies, I smell cookies, I smell cookies! Kirie was never more determined to satisfy the smell in her nose. Is it HERE?? She burst in a left door.

The three-eyed woman, Lala ate a chocolate chip cookie off her table, her three toneless eyes blinking at Kirie (inconsecutively). “I’m afraid, not for you.”

EEEEEK! ALIEN! Kirie’s hair stood straight.

“I’m not an alien. My name is Lala Stork, and I’m a normal human like you or… well, I guess I shouldn’t call either of us normal.”

Stork? You wouldn’t know anyone named… BARTIE, would you?

“You know my brother?”

BROTHER??

“Hmm… I guess you do. I used to live with him in Kansas before I ran away. You can probably guess why.”

Is it your hair?

“No…”

Butt too big?

“What?- No!”

… Kirie looked closer. Do you have a snake tongue?

“NO, you idiot, it’s my eye! The one on my FOREHEAD??”

Ohhhhh! I thought it looked too big.

“What does that- Ugh… just listen. I was born with two eyes like everyone else, except I had a forehead eye instead of a left one. I was picked on a lot, as you might guess, so I ran away and ended up getting captured by a man called Caesar Clown. He delivered me to Big Mom, and he gave me this Eye-Eye Fruit. Thanks to that, I acquired a natural left eye, which lets me look at people’s memories. But in Big Mom’s crew, I actually feel like a normal person. I fit in more.”

Whaddo you mean?

“Each of us in Big Mom’s crew ran away or were banished from where we lived. We all have certain desires that Big Mom is helping us to fulfill, and pasts she’s helping us heal from. Growing up in Kansas, I learned that people who are different can never fit in with regular people, only their own kind. I noticed the same thing with Bartie’s friend, Virginia. True, metahumans and benders are a bit more accepted now, but people like me who are creepy to look at, or people like you whom they’ll have trouble talking to… in time, your friends may just lose interest. I wonder how many of them actually pay attention to you.”

Hey, MY friends love me, and I love them! You mighta had some too if ya STUCK around!

“Why bother doing that, when the Big Mom Pirates were always open. Anyway… I can’t let you go freely, so I’ll have to fight you. Be warned that my eyes rarely let anything slip. As quick and nimble as you are, I can easily track your movements. You stand no chance alone.”

Oh, I’m not alone… Kirie thought to herself.

After leaving her friends, Kirie Beatles flew to Loompa Land’s ruins, with the guidance of her secret friends. She searched the ruins curiously, and called out, “HELLOOOO? Are you still heeeere?”

“I am.” Kirie smiled as a familiar, chubby old man, with a bald scalp and grey beard, presented himself as a blue spirit. “How could I ignore such a lovely voice.” Iroh smiled.

“How can you hear me, again?”

“The spirits hear all voices, even the ones that seem silenced. While you are not speaking out loud, I can sense everything you are saying. But why have you returned, Kirie?”

“Those mean pirates beat up me and my friends, so now we have to train. And not like ‘potty train’, ‘cause we’re like WAY old for that, but like fighting you know, and I just felt like coming here.”

“You were wise in returning here. Your family, the Sanbans always had strong connections with the Spirit World for generations. Those Rainbow Monkeys, you see, are spirits, too. They only chose to present their selves to your mother, and showed themselves to others upon her request. They also had the power to tame certain spirit creatures, and you do, too. With your silent voice, you can convey messages that others would not be able to hear, and you can always have someone to talk to.”

“Does my mom know how to do it?”

“No… she never had the chance to learn. I would have showed her myself, had I known before my time came. But my business in the Mortal World was done, and I trust my successor to take care of the White Lotus for me. But it seems I still have duties even after ascending. I will be happy to teach you of your spiritual connection. And I know you will be able to help your friends.”

Kirie smiled and closed her eyes, folding her hands together. Out of thin air, a blue One-Free-Punch Rainbow Monkey appeared, unseen by Lala. The monkey spun its fist and PUNCHED the girl clear in the face, making Lala fall backward. “Ow!” She got back up, holding her nose. “Hmph… can’t say I saw what you did there. But it won’t work for long. My eyes can see all… and they’ll see your defeat. Be prepared to fall under my gaze.” (Play the Shadow Sirens Boss Theme from Paper Mario: TTYD.)

Boss fight: Lala Stork

Kirie nimbly dodged as Lala fired flying eyes from her 3 eyes, then tossed flower shurikens to slice the mutant, but Lala evaded. Kirie danced and twirled to Lala to smack the girl with her sleeves, but Lala still dodged and blasted triple eyes at Kirie, knocking the girl back. Kirie closed her eyes and folded her hands to summon a few I’ll-Protect-You Rainbow Monkeys, their strong backs providing a shield to block Kirie from the attacks. Lala was confused, still not seeing the spirits, and kept trying to blast her as Kirie danced her way to her. She attempted another triple-blast, but Kirie flipped over and KICKED the back of Lala’s head.

But when Lala’s head turned, Kirie flinched at her whole face having become an eye, which blinked. When Kirie landed, she was suddenly surrounded by a sea of eyes, spiraling around and around in infinity. “The Eye-Eye Fruit lets me record everyone’s memories I look at, and a single glance at my Great Eye will have you lost in a sea of memories. Let’s look at one of Stewie’s funny memories.”

Kirie appeared in Stewie’s room in his house, seeing a small, frowning turtle on the floor. Kirie smiled brightly and approached to hold the turtle, but the evil animal punched her and flipped onto his back legs, drawing a knife. Kirie frightfully dodged the knife and grabbed the turtle’s arm, trying to take the knife, but the turtle flipped, kicked her in the face, and knocked her back. When he lunged to stab, a Prevents-A-Mean-Turtle-From-Stabbing-With-A-Knife Rainbow Monkey held the turtle back and threw it against the wall. Kirie smiled in gratitude, and with an evil grin, jumped over to start jumping on the turtle like Mario.

The turtle puffed back into Lala as the dizzy girl rubbed her head. She vanished again as Kirie was back in the sea of eyes, having to dodge as giant eyes flew at her. Lala then appeared behind and tried to grab her, but Kirie dodged and tossed her sharp fans at Lala’s waist, scratching her dress. “I wonder what kind of memories you have?” Lala said. “I’d like to have a look.”

Kirie denied her and jumped to kick in the face, but Lala poofed in a puff of smoke once again. Kirie was taken to a memory of Chris’s, when he and the Decom. Squad battled the Teen Ninjas. A swarm of ninjas jumped out and lunged at her, and Kirie quickly dodged and kicked them, watching them puff into smoke. She watched as Shade poofed out of smoke, and immediately figured Lala was in her form. Kirie flipped over to try and hit the ninja, but Shade swiftly dodged with her Observation Haki and kicked Kirie across the face. Kirie got up and grabbed some ninjas jumping at her, throwing them at Shade, only to miss.

Since Kirie hadn’t learned Observation Haki yet, she called on her Rainbow Monkeys for help. Helps-With-Future-Directions Rainbow Monkey appeared and held up flashcards instructing Kirie where to dodge. It read ‘Left’, so Kirie dodged left to evade Shade’s kick, then ‘Jumped’ when Shade swung her foot back, then kicked at Shade’s face when it said ‘Face-Kick.’ Shade still dodged, but the card also read ‘Spin-Left’, so Kirie spun left right after and succeeded in kicking Shade. Shade still recovered and swung furious punches and kicks at Kirie, but following the monkey’s instructions, she dodged left, right, ducked, backed, jumped, flip-dodge, then tossed two flower shurikens. Shade dodged them, but Kirie pulled back on her strings to make the flowers come back and stick her.

Shade changed back into Lala as Kirie began to lay beatings on her. She warped them back in the sea of eyes as the giant eyes began to bounce around. She still dodged when they aimed to crush her, but flinched when she saw a giant eye open beneath her. Kirie ran around, but the eye stayed beneath her feet, and when it closed, everything went black. Kirie kept her eyes open, but essentially, her purple and green mismatched eyes were the only thing visible in this blackness. More unseen Lala eyes bounced at her, easily seeing the colored eyes, and Kirie ended up pelted against the ground.

The light flashed back to normal, but Kirie found herself in the middle of a raging war, between the 19^th-century KND and Underworld demons, in the battle to acquire the Annoying Triplets’ recipe. Neither army seemed to be focused on her, but she would never find Lala in this commotion. She folded her hands and summoned a band of Rainbow Monkeys. “You two, search the castle,” she spoke in the voice only they could hear, “and you three search these soldiers, and you guys-”

Lala was disguised as a random soldier, watching as Kirie spoke to the invisible beings. While she wasn’t certain, she studied Kirie’s mouth movement. I see…

“Save your breath, Kirie.” The mute jumped to attention when Lala presented herself willingly. “So that’s your secret. Your voice is only heard by spirit friends who are helping you. An interesting power, but I’ve come prepared, too.” She hovered a few feet above the ground and sprouted a larger body. They appeared in a vast realm with a dark-orange sky as Lala’s body covered with eyes, all blinking individually.

The eyes brimmed with light that made Kirie shut her eyes, and revealed the Rainbow Monkeys. The eyes fired Retina Beams to knock the spirit monkeys out. “I told you nothing can evade my sight. Now whaddya say we get a look at those memories?”

Kirie was then surrounded by a bunch of eyes at different sizes, and tightly shut her own eyes. She ran around, but felt herself enclosed in the eyes, all charging beams to destroy her. But in the darkness of her closed eyes, the blue Rainbow Monkey presented itself. It was followed by a purple monkey, orange and green, and soon a colorful army of the friendly creatures. Kirie smiled at them all, and put on a battle-ready smirk.

The eyes blasted their rays at once, but were immediately pushed away by Rainbow Monkeys. Lala gaped in surprise when a swarm of Rainbow Monkeys presented their selves behind Kirie. CHAAAAARGE! The colorful apes ran forward and stormed the giant body of eyes, punching each and every one. Lala looked up and gasped when Kirie flew overhead and stabbed her fans into her face.

Kirie smirked, thinking she’s one, but a pair of hands grabbed her shoulders from behind. “You fell for my trap.” The world returned to normal as Kirie was turned to face Lala. “Now what could you be hiding.” Despite Kirie’s attempts at protest, Lala pressed her left eye to Kirie’s right. (End song.)

A woman who looked to be Kirie’s mother smiled and reached to pick up her daughter, raising her high as Kirie cheered joyously. Her mother was then placing a black-haired baby boy on the floor, and the two began to play with blocks together. The next memory showed Kirie drawing a picture of her family with crayons, but when she held it to her mom, Kuki, now a stern company president, walked by nonchalantly. The memory flashed to when Kirie was playing blocks with her brother, and she got up excitedly when Kuki returned home. The woman was tired, and paid no interest to her daughter still. Then she watched for a brief moment as Kirie fought Mr. Mogul’s robot, and in the end, her mother hugged her warmly.

Lala released Kirie and backed away. The mute noticed the remorseful look in Lala’s three eyes. “You look like you really care about your family.”

Well, DOYYYY! Everyone should!

“…Ever since I ran away, my greatest regret was leaving my family. All the teasing I endured back home… Bartie was always supporting me. Just like he did Virginia. I wonder how he felt when I left…”

Well, if he thought you were leaving to the Rainbow Monkey store, probably pretty happy!

“Hm.” Lala cracked a slight smile. “I wonder… why do your friends hang around you, even though they can’t understand.”

They get the general gist of what I’m saying. How do YOU understand?

“I studied sign-language, and my eyes make it easier. I just find it hard to believe… someone who stands out with no voice could have that many friends.”

Come on, you know that some people in the Kids Next Door aren’t even human? I don’t think people even CARE about these things, anymore.

“…Things really have changed since I was young. I think I’ve been away long enough. Maybe I should return home, and… see my brother again.”

Well, he kinda lives in Iceland now, but there’s no harm in moving!

“Hm hm, yes! Anyway, I have Mr. Strowd locked up ahead, I’ll let him out. But first… perhaps you should know what Big Mom is trying to do.”

Hmm?

Baking Room

“Oiiii! Big Mom-samaaaa! The cake be almost done, seeee? It’s bakin’ gooood!” Sir Knightly exclaimed as a giant cake’s silhouette was seen inside a massive burning oven.

“Excellent. You made sure that tool brought the icing, riiiight??”

“Ehhh… lessa me see that.” He pulled out a whip and whipped Chef Pierre’s bottom. “YOU BETTER HAVE THAT LA FORMACION DE HIELO O DE LO!”

“OWWW! YES, I have the icing! But I MUST inform you that I am FRENCH, not SPANISH!”

“Hooooh? Me was speaking Yoruba. You got all that, Momo-saaan?”

“Can it with the accents.” Big Mom ordered. “As long as that cake gets finished. I must devour it before those Kids Next Door get to me. Those crummy officers better hold ’em off or I’LL mince them into crumbs. Which reminds me… I wonder what their hometown looks like by now. I expect Bobbin has already made it a sweet-filled wasteland, MA MA MA MAAAA!”

Cleveland, Virginia

The townspeople were still evacuating as their city was swarmed by legions of sugary monsters, mainly the Ho-ho Serpents that coughed acid cream from the sea. The peoples’ only hope were the KND Armada, fighting the monsters with everything they’ve got. Cheren was bravely slaying monsters in their neighborhood, and dodged when an airwave flew at him. “What?”

“Not so fa-a-a-a-ast.” Cheren looked to see a chubby being with a wide grin and face, thin mask where his small, wide eyes peeped through, black cowboy hat with a big white feather, and a large sword on his back. “I am Bobbi-i-i-in. Commander of Big Mom’s Demon Sweets.” His head shook rapidly as he spoke. “I take them to burn down countri-i-i-ies when they don’t pay a du-u-ue. It’s really fun.” His mouth puffed a little, then “Boyoyoyon” shrunk back and vibrated to his laugh.

“You’re not burning down anyone today.” Cheren drew his Master Sword. “The Kids Next Door will win.”

“Your end is near.” He still grinned. “Big Mom will eat your frie-e-ends. And she’ll eat all of you. Mmmm boyoyoyon.”

“Heh. Oh yeah?” Cheren smirked. “We’ll just see who has the bigger stomach. AAAAH!” He ran forth and clashed with Bobbin’s huge sword.

Outskirts of town

There to ensure the destruction of Virginia was the Enraged Army. An army of diverse, colorful, and vengeful Big Mom Pirates came marching across the border. “The Kids Next Door dare to stand against the Big Mom Empire.” said General Cracker, a huge, blocky man made of biscuits, wielding a large sword. “We’ll show none of them mercy!”

“They don’t seem to look very afraid.” replied Daifuku, a muscular, blue-armored man with a large belt and blonde buzz-cut. He had a lamp design on his belt.

“This will only make things easier!” Oven smirked, another muscular man with bare abs, orange getup, heated gloves, and curved fiery hair.

Standing just a few miles ahead of them were the Kids Next Door. Sectors W, IC, W7, JP, SA, KB, RZ, and many others were ready to take the pirates down. “Don’t let a single one get by!” Anthony declared.

“Eric, make sure you record every moment of our victory!” Melody cheered.

“You think we can win this, Nagisa?” Goombella asked.

“Positive! Don’t hold back and let’s win!”

“LET’S GOOOOOO!” Chimney screamed. (“Gyoooooom!” Gonbe called.)

Cheren, no ripping off from Mason. XP So yeah, the Enraged Army consists of all the original Big Mom Pirates, except a certain few. And Lala Stork was named Charlotte Pudding in One Piece, but she wasn’t named at the time I wrote this. I know her story might sound rushed, but don’t worry, she’ll come into play WAAAAY down the line. And if you recall, Fat Jack was the one who squished Aeincha, so it feels good to finally do that to him. X)

Chapter Text

Hey, welcome back to the continuation of Candied Island Invasion! Here, we’ll fight the next of Big Mom’s officers.

Chapter 13: A Waste of Money

Dungeon area

“Owww… dang.” Chris got up, rubbing his head. “Can’t believe I fell for that. Stupid knight… where am I?” He alit both hands to see the room more clearly. “Hm?” Everywhere were piles of eggs, leaving barely anymore room. “Just how much cake do they make, anyway…”

But due to the presence and warmth of the fire, all of the eggs began cracking. They hatched in seconds, and a swarm of tiny baby chicks began chirping happily. Chris wore a frantic look. “Where’ve I seen this before! Hatched awfully quick… Though I read somewhere that a firebender’s presence causes eggs to hatch quicker. Is that why all those eggs hatched for my dad? Well, anyway… I need to get out of here. …I don’t suppose you all know the exit?”

The chickies exchanged glances and started to flutter above the Uno, latching him with their little talons. “Whoa, I guess you do! Whooooaaa!” They began carrying him up the trapdoor’s shaft.

Whole Cake Mountain Lair

Sheila and Haruka still raced after Jessie and Sandy, up a flight of stairs in an outside area, leading to what seemed like the highest point in the lair. “Oi, is Big Mum up here??” Sheila questioned.

“Where the hell do you think we’re leading you.” Jessie stated.

“Another trap.” Haruka said, disbelieved.

“She sounds really scary, though.” Sandy said with teary eyes. “I hope you guys know what you’re doing.”

“Please, you forget who you’re talking to.” Sheila smirked. “We’re Raccoon Pirates.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jessie eye-rolled.

They made it atop the stairs and charged into a hallway with no door, leading into a room with a round table, and huge double-doors across it. “Eeeee-YAAAAH!” The kids jumped back when Tamago shot down, quaking the floor with his mighty kick. They looked as a large turtle then spiraled into the room, slowing as the lion, Pekoms stood upright. “Bonjour, leetle ruffians, but zis is as far as you go, hohn-hohn!” declared Tamago.

“No one’s allowed to see Big Mom unless you’re expected for dinner, growlll, if so, I don’t see your toppings.” Pekoms stated.

Sheila and Haruka exchanged witty smirks. They locked hands as Sheila spun her free hand and ran forward, with Pekoms and Tamago readying their selves. The henchmen punched and kicked forward (respectively), but the girls leaped over them as Sheila hurled her Light Sphere at the double doors and blew them open. They landed behind the henchmen and kept running without another glance.

“Arrêtez!” Tamago raised his long leg to kick after them, but Sandy’s rope lashed over and caught it.

“Going somewhere?” The girl smirked.

“Je vois. So you vish to tangle with us, ohn? But I am a Longleg HUMAN!” announced Tamago. “And ve vill not stand for zis, Missy! NO SIRREE! Come, partenaire, let us show zese ruffians POURQUOI!”

The hall grew much darker as Sheila and Haruka went, with the former using a Light Fist to see the way. “There’s another door coming.” Haruka noticed.

“Heh!” Sheila grinned. “No problem!” And with another rapid spin, this door blew down as well.

They now stood in a small, pitch-black room with a giant throne. Augustus stood there, and behind him, the terrifying entity that controlled this island. Big Mom was a lot bigger in person, and much more gruesome, with ravenous bloodshot eyes that seemed dying with hunger, and massive teeth that drooled with the deepest lust. The way her drool dripped and burned on the ground, Big Mom could munch anything, and any amount. She could swallow their little bodies whole, and gobble this whole island in a few simple bites.

“Hey, Fatso, d’you see anyone named ‘Big Mum’ anywhere?” Sheila asked. Haruka face-palmed.

“Nyaaaaaa!” Her eyes shook.

“Sheila, that IS Big Mom.” Haruka stated.

“She IS?” Sheila ran forward, leapt onto the woman’s big nose, and hung upside-down by her feet as she faced into Big Mom’s mouth. “OIIIII! PANINIIIII! YOU STILL ALIVE IN THEEEERE?”

“NYAAAAA!” The overweight woman furiously shook and flung Sheila against the wall. “GRANDSON… get rid of the spare. This is a matter between CAPTAINS!”

“As you command, Your Overliness.” Augustus bowed. Haruka stood ready as the teen approached her with a cool smile. “Shall we adjourn?” With a gentle stomp of his foot, a trapdoor opened beneath and sent them falling.

“Uuuuuhhh…” Sheila stood up dizzily.

“So you’re the fabled Sunny-Fist Sheila, daughter of Marine the Scourge. To think a whiny brat like you could make it this far. Am I expected to fear as something as TINY as you?! A filthy rodent whose kind scavenges out of trash for a living.”

“Dinga, I don’t wanna know what filthy trash YOU been crawlin’ around in! And I ain’t lettin’ you get a lick o’ that cake FIRST!”

“Ma ma ma ma! I knoooow you’re aware of my curse. Why else would you BE in Loompa Land’s ruins? The cake is what will grant me sanctity. A burden that has lasted in my bloodline for GENERATIONS!”

“But crikey, Mum, that curse is bloomin’ killin’ you. Wouldn’t you rather just find a CURE for it, instead of just eatin’ the same bloody thing that caused it all?”

“You don’t understand, do you? For generations, my family has sought the ultimate source of candy. They believed that sugar and sweets grants the greatest power in the world, and that power is what would help them to thrive! As the generations went… the Candy Virus became less and less fatal, but it was only by the existence of this virus, they believe, would help them FIND this luscious source! Candied Island seemed it… but it was just so simple… so WEAK! So for generations, we kept baking and eating this cake, until we could one day find the promised land! Then, at long last… I found it.”

“Wot? You mean Candied Planet?”

“Of course, Child! It was closer than we ever thought! The real source of power in the world… the one that would keep us at the TOP. You little brats wouldn’t know it… but candy is UNHEALTHY for you. And yet, it is soooo tasty. And this, my grandmother’s cake… is the tastiest substance in the entire cosmos! It outmatches all other foods in any food group! It must… since it is composed of the 7 tastiest candies in the world. And the Candy Virus which these Seven Wonders cause is so horribly contagious, and could make any morsel not immune to the virus fall to their stomachs! Such is my intention…

“You see, while Candied Island is composed of all sweets, no soil, it is deeply rooted with the Earth’s core. Even in this sub-dimension… Ultimately, every source of food or nutrition is linked with the earth. Fruits and vegetables grow from the rich soil, feeding the animals which are then eaten by other animals. In this circle of life, all things are kept alive and healthy… which is why… I shall eat the Cursed Cake, and gain the full force of this sugary virus. Then… I shall channel the virus from Candied Island, ALL the way through the Earth’s CRUST, and turn every piece of dirt on this planet into ONE BIG Candied Island! All beings will have nothing to eat but candy, and with the lack of healthy foods or meals, every being will fall WEAK with hunger! Sure, the kids will enter a frantic sugar rush, but in time, they will falter, helpless and FAT! …But not I…

“When the people are all helpless and feeble, they will have no choice but to submit to my rule! I, Charlotte Linlin, whose family’s bloodline is already one with sugar, shall become the SOLE ruler of new Candied Planet! Everything will become another morsel to me, making me stronger while they get WEAKER with the sweets! I will be the most powerful being in the world, and the ONE TRUE CANDY PIRATE QUEEN! MAAAA MA MA MAAAA!”

“Blimey, a world made entirely of candy…” Sheila made a smile, “that would be the old Kids Next Door’s dream. The very reason… I don’t like ’em that much.” She looked seriously. “In a world that’s filled with adventure… there’re so many foods to eat. And eating the same thing all the time… would just get boring! I’m…I’M SICK OF CANDY!!”

“MA MA MA! I’m a little surprised. The way you and your mom are, I expected them to ingest GALLONS of it.”

“Don’t be sour ’cause you can’t be as great as my mum!”

“Ma ha ha! Your mother was nothing more than a drunken idiot. A mindless slob who probably conceived you as some drunken mistake she was forced to raise. She had no mind to raise you properly, had wasted both of your brain cells while she was pregnant with you, so she filled your mind with the petty notion that life is all about fun and adventure. In reality, life is about reaching the top and being the strongest, but without the knowledge or integrity to do so, all your mother could rely on were her artless morals. The fact is, Child, you were born under a runt, and you’ll be nothing more than a runt!”

“SHUT UP!!” Sheila never felt more full of rage. “My mom was the greatest person ever!! I…I wouldn’t be ANYONE ELSE’S daughter!”

“Ma ma ma ma! Sure you wouldn’t! A child who blindly follows their idol is always the same! Unable to see how stupid your mother is in reality, especially when she made YOU stupid by her own doing!”

“AAAAAAHHH!!!” Sheila spun both fists and dashed at Big Mom, but quickly jumped back when the woman lunged down and chomped her teeth. Gotta watch out for that Candy Virus.

“MAAAA MA MAAAA! I’d like to SEE how dim you become after my sugary goodness infects you! I’ll bet you won’t even be mistaken for a-”

Sheila furiously spun her fist during this time, and fired a Light Fist so whipping fast, it forced Big Mom against the wall. “I admire my mom for EVERYTHING she did! And I won’t let ANYONE talk BAD about her!”

“Nyaaaa! You’re gonna pay for thaaaat! MAAAAA!” She lunged at Sheila with the greatest hunger.

Filing Room

Carol kept running as a group of Nickel Joe’s guards came at her from the other end. “Heads UP, boys!” She threw money on the ground, distracting the men with greed, letting her jump and forcefully kick them with her high-heels. “Ha ha ha ha! Say I’m useless NOW!”

She appeared in a maze of cubicles with many businessmen typing on typewriters. They all stepped out simultaneously, their toneless stares fixed on Carol. She made a witty smile and yelled, “Iiiiit’s MONEY DAAAAY!”

“OOOOOOHHH!” She threw her dollars everywhere, and everyone scrambled to collect them. Two Big Knuckles punched each other for some bucks, a Slim Jim tried to strangle an Average Arnie, and an Overweight Orville jumped down from a cubicle to crush another Jim. “Get it HEEEERE, and HEEEERE! Money all YEEEAAAR!” She threw dollars everywhere with the greatest joy. In time, all of the guards were beating each other for money, and this office room fell into ruin. Smirking, Carol easily snuck past the guards, and into the ‘Main Office.’ She rushed in and closed the door calmly, silencing the noise. “Phew, what a mess. DAAAAAH!” She screamed when a coin hit the wall beside her and exploded.

“Well, there seems to be a bit of ruckus goin’ on outside there.” smirked Nickel Joe. “Would ya be acquainted with such?”

Carol marched forward proudly, “YES, and NOW I’ll be acquainted with YOUR defeat! …Aaaas… soon as my luggage gets here.”

“Huuuff, heeee! Hoooo, hweeee!” The two Spinach Men hurried inside and plopped the crates on the ground. “Hokay… huff… we can’t go anymore… Hooo.” They fainted.

With that, Carol reached into one of the boxes and pulled out a tiny tiger. “Get ready to face the power of my MINI ZOO! A swarm of mini animals just rarin’ ta TEAR YA to limbs!”

“An intriguing strateegee, but might I inquire how yer little munchkin intends ta do as such. It seems too wee ta even tear a beetle ta limbs.”

“A reasonable inquiry, the simple reason I stocked up on Growth Gum!” She gently set her tiger on the floor and pulled out a stick of the gum. “It takes a while, but once these guys are fully energized, better WATCH your nickels!” She pulled a piece of the gum off and fed it to the tiny tiger. It slowly puffed back to its normal size, but started growling furiously at Carol.

“Hey, Lassie, I think yer tiger might hold a little resent!” Joe said worriedly.

“You forget that MY pets love NO ONE better than me!” she proclaimed confidently as the tiger crept closer. “And nothing makes my pets respond more than-” The tiger’s eyes widened with joy when she held up a bundle of dollars, “MONEEEEY!”

“Ahhhh the plot twist.” Joe flipped. “The rich girl’s only mode of language.”

“You won’t be grinning after these animals get a taste! So let’s get this fight underway!” (Play “Mafia Boss’ Big Showdown” from A Hat in Time!)

Boss fight: Nickel Joe

“Now GO, Lady Tigra!” Carol threw her money at Nickel Joe, making the tiger lunge forward, but Joe swiftly kicked it away. “It’s not over, yet! Here comes TWO more!” She fed Growth Gum to two more tigers, re-expanding them and throwing her money at Joe. Joe managed to kick one tiger, but the other bit him on the hip before he could get it away, and knock it out with a Coin Bomb. “You still haven’t met Lady ROO!” She released a kangaroo that attempted to punch Nickel Joe with boxing gloves, but the grinning man evaded her shots and kicked the animal from behind. “That wasn’t her.” Joe looked up and gasped when another kangaroo came down and pinned him, furiously beating his head like a punching bag.

“Aaaah!” Joe kicked the animal away and flipped to his feet. “Forget these li’l kiddy games. I’m kickin’ you out.” Joe ran to kick Carol, but she dodged away, leaving her crates defenseless as Joe kicked them and let all the animals roam loose.

“HEEEY! My mini zoo!”

“’Twas a peculiar business, but alas it failed. So you’s only gots me yourself.” He tossed his toothpicks that Carol avoided before raising her parasol, only for the picks to fly through her parasol. She gasped when Joe flew at her with a kick, evading again and quickly pulling the Growth Gum apart.

“Hurry, eat it!” She tossed the gum around the floor, and thankfully some of the animals ate it. A bull, bear, and camel re-expanded, and Carol quickly tossed money at Joe to grab their attention. Joe kicked the bear away, but the bull rammed him against the wall, and once he jumped away, he slipped on the water that the camel had spat around the ground. “And don’t count out the others, yet!” Carol wagged her money by the unconscious tiger, kangaroo, and bear, awaking them and throwing them at Joe for more attacks. Joe was scratched by the tiger, but still kicked the animals away. “I’ve still got MORE!” Carol re-expanded two more bears and a tiger, and had them come at Joe once more. She then got the second kangaroo to grab Joe’s arms from behind and let the first kangaroo punch his face. While he escaped and kicked them, Carol re-expanded two more camels to spit water at his face, then two more tigers to tackle the man. And for each animal and attack, she gave them a dollar bundle.

“Hahaha! I’m doing it!” Carol beamed joyously. “I’m really winning! Let’s go for a quadruple tiger…” She searched her pockets for another bundle. “Huh?!” Her face lost its color. She searched her pockets frantically, but they felt empty. “Wh-What’s happening?! I thought I had another thousand dollars! There’s no way it could’ve…”

“Well, I guess yer all outta business.” Nickel Joe grinned, standing and brushing his bruised form. “But I still got some coins ta spare.”

Carol looked and noticed the animals were already eating her thrown dollars like grass, while the kangaroos stuffed them in their pouches. “AAH!” She wasn’t focused when Joe shot over and kicked her away. She got back to her feet and pulled out her parasol, running to stick him with it, but the man simply jumped over and kicked the back of her head. When she stood and turned, Joe hurled a bunch of toothpicks through her dress and face, making tiny holes of blood.

“It looks like ya have no special talents left. Little rich tykes like you only know one thing: how to spend your money. And when yer all out, yer just like the rest o’ the trash. Face it, Girly… ya lost.”

Carol had nothing to say. She was so powerless… so weak. All she really knew was getting people to do what she wanted with money. What good was she in the end. …She didn’t deserve to be in KND. She…She failed.

With no hesitation, Joe flicked a nickel that hit Carol directly. The explosion nearly ruined her dress and made blood leak from her face. He made her into what she truly is: useless trash.

Joe flipped his nickel. “Well, these animals ain’t gonna be makin’ anymore cash from you. But hey: they c’n still make some decent change.” He held several nickels between his fingers, and the animals stared with delight. “Now, boys… FINISH ’er.”

The animals snarled and readied to snack on their former owner’s defeated form. But before they could, a swarm of snakelike shadows slithered in and caught the animals. “STRANGLE!” The shadows squeezed, and the animals fell unconscious. “Ganging up on a little girl? That’s not very nice.” Carol turned to the entrance as Dillon walked in with a serious glare.

“Oh? You…”

Dillon looked at her with a friendly smile. “I had a feeling this whole tactic was gonna backfire. I thought you were gonna need backup.”

“Mmm…” Carol felt even weaker now. If he knew it would fail, too… she was useless.

“Hey, don’t feel bad.” Dillon smiled. “Cash Combat failed, we’ll just have to accept that. It had its value for a while, but in the end, it just isn’t how you should fight. But that’s okay… ‘cause that’s the very reason you’re coming to KND. To shape your skills and see what you’re really good at. And when you find that thing… it’ll be great to have you use it on our team.”

She was a little surprised. “But I thought… you didn’t want me-”

“Look, Vanellope’s gone. That’s something I’ll have to accept, too. But it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be closed off for any other members. After this is over, you’ll be joining KND. And when there’s something you can’t do, someone else will have to do it for you. Right now… you just can’t beat this guy. So someone else has to step in.” He glared at Nickel Joe again and stepped forward. “I’m your opponent now.”

“Heh… A stronger crewmate stepping in to help a weaker crewmate. That’s…That’s almost touching. And at the SAME time, a waste of space to wanna have her around. Yokay then… let our quarrel commence once again.”

Dillon sent his lines of shadows out, but Joe jumped and threw his coins down to scare them away. “Talk about worn-out tactics. Is Shadow Possession all ya can do?” Another shadow whipped at Joe from behind, but he jumped away and threw a coin at Dillon. The smoke cleared, but no trace of Dillon was left.

Joe was baffled, but the shadowbender emerged from a Shadow Veil behind. “Not exactly.” Only his head stuck out, and when Joe whipped around, Dillon’s shadowy arms reached along the ground, up Joe’s legs, and into his back pocket. “AHA!” Joe was too late to jump away as Dillon swiped the nickel from his pocket.

“Brilliant, so ya caught one o’ my nickels. Gonna buy a quintuple at the 1¢ Store?”

“Not quite.” Dillon smirked. “When Mario was sneaking around the Big Ma’am, he heard you mentioning something about only having that one nickel. And when we were fighting you, he actually snuck behind you and saw you make a nickel out of some goop, while holding another nickel. And I figured out… this is your only REAL nickel! You have some power that lets you make copies of it, but I bet you won’t be able to do much if you lose it!”

“Siiiigh. It’s true.” Joe spoke sadly, but still had a grin. “A terrible tragedy occurred where I was left with that one nickel. But I joined the Big Mams, and she gave me the Dupli-Dupli Fruit. I can make a copy of anything I touch outta explosive clay. I been usin’ it on mah nickel, and hence my ability Coin Bombs came into being. But woe, my secret is revealed. It’s a good thing…” He grinned again and held his hands behind his back, “ya didn’t grab the right one.” A coin spawned in each hand, and he hurled them both at Dillon, blowing the wall down in the process.

“Cough, cough!” Dillon barely avoided the explosion. “We’ve gotta find that coin on his body. I just hope it’s not somewhere gross…”

“And there’s PLENTY more where THAT came from!” Joe jumped, spun furiously, and unleashed a storm of Coin Bombs around the room, making Dillon and Carol cover their heads. When it stopped, Dillon searched for the sly man, then finally saw him bent down, touching one of the fallen tigers and bulls. “But don’t think I’ll hesitate ta use just them.” He created a clay-made tiger and bull, but they came rather deformed when he sent them at Dillon. He used Shadow Veil to go up the ceiling and avoid the fake animals.

“His artistic style isn’t really professional.” Carol noticed.

“It probably takes him awhile to make exact duplicates.” Dillon said. “That’s why he mostly uses coins.”

“Ain’tchu a smart little know-all.” Joe was now making a copy of a kangaroo. “But I guesses we both rely on our powers to win battles. So I feels no shame in doin’ this.” The incomplete kangaroo jumped to the ceiling in attempt to blow Dillon up, so the boy dropped to the ground. The bull charged, and Dillon dodged aside to let it ram and explode the wall. He saw Joe escape into one of the holes caused by his previous two coins. Dillon dodged the clay tiger and caught it in a Shadow Shockwave, getting away before it could explode.

Dillon chased Joe into a huge room with walls of filing cabinets. The man was gone from his vision, until Joe landed before him. “Welcome to my business compository, Mac. I smoked ’lot-a paperwork here, and burned many associates.”

Dillon sent Mario to maul the man, but Joe exploded and left Dillon with some bruises. He looked up the right cabinet wall to find Joe standing there. “Impressed with mah life-size Clay Clones?”

“You sure you shouldn’t just call it the Clay-Clay Fruit?”

“Actually, there was a Logia Fruit like that. Got eaten by a guy called Karlo. I’m satisfieds with this one.” Three more Clay Clones jumped from where he was, and three on the parallel side (all fairly deformed), and Dillon hurried away before they could explode.

“Well, you’re not the only one who can duplicate.” Dill smirked. “Get a load of my SHADOW CLONES!” He formed a hand sign as his shadow stretched to six points, with a shaded replica of Dillon appearing on each one. The center, real Dillon yelled, “ATTACK!” The six Joes jumped around while the Dillons chased, and each Joe exploded to get rid of a clone. Dillon Shadow Veiled up the cabinet wall to get level with the real Joe, sending another clone to attack him. Joe jumped over the clone and threw a Coin Bomb at the shadow connecting the clone with Dillon, thus destroying the clone.

“You and I have similar traits, you and me.” Joe grinned. Dillon sent Mario to maul him, but the clone exploded, sending Dillon to the ground. When the boy recovered and turned, he saw 10 exact Joe Clones behind him. He ran before the horde threw Coin Bombs, then sent his series of shadows to slide over and attempt to grab them, but they jumped on the cabinets and tossed Coin Bombs to make Dillon retreat.

Carol calmly entered the cabinet hall, seeing Dillon running toward her. “Dill, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Dillon panted. “He just got a bit more complicated, that’s all. But don’t worry, I can handle it, just stay safe, Carol.” Another Joe Clone came, but Dillon caught it in Shadow Strangle to blow it up before running to engage them again.

Carol merely sat in place and rested her head on her hands. Siiigh… I’m so pathetic. I know Dillon said I just haven’t found my skill yet… but the fact I can’t fight him at all, I feel like a useless background character. I only wanted to join this crew to begin with… so I could help my Maseyfairy. He was the first person to care about me, and be my friend. He was always away on his missions, so I wanted to hang out with him more. I wanted to join KND to repay him, by helping him on missions. I mean, he still owes me $300 and counting, but it’s a different kind of debt. I want to be able to help him like any friend would… and I wish I could do that now. Hmmm… She continued watching Dillon.

The boy sent three more shadow strings to catch Joe Clones and strangle them, but they still exploded while another Joe hopped onto one of the high, open file cabinets. “You kind of impress me, Little Dill. There’s barely any light in here, and you shadowbend like three suns setting on Secco. What’s yer secret?”

“Let’s just say, I have strategies, too.” Dillon stretched his shadow up to catch Joe, but he jumped overhead and tossed toothpicks down to pin all ends of Dillon’s shoes down. Dillon couldn’t move, and when he was about to take the picks out, Joe threatened to toss a Coin Bomb. He quickly slipped out of his shoes and dodged the bomb, but Joe saw a peculiar brown-orange stone fall out of Dill’s right pants leg. “Ahhh…” Joe figured it out. Dillon looked at the stone with worry.

Just yesterday, when Dillon went home to train with his mom, she took him to a place called Twilight Town, where she and her three sisters tried to attack Dillon together. After much struggle, he managed to stretch four shadows and catch all four in a Shadow Possession. “Nnnn! Not bad.” Victoria smiled, struggling to break free of the bind. “’Course it’s easy since it’s sunset.”

“That’s the problem.” Danika said, easily snapping free of the shadow. “A shadowbender’s only their strongest during sunset or dawn, but not all fights happen then.”

“Well, that’s why I came to you guys for help.” Dillon stated. “I need to be able to improve myself WITHOUT sunset.”

“Why doesn’t he just use a Shadow Crystal!” Brianna beamed.

“A Shadow Crystal?”

“It’s a kind of material found in the Shadow Realm, imbued with Shadow Chi.” Dani explained. “If you had it with you, you could have the strength you would at sunset. ’Course, holding onto it might be a struggle.”

“Just hide it in your pants and use your shoe to hold it up!” Victoria said. “That’s kinda what Dani did when she was training!”

“Yeah…” Dani smiled in agreement. “I’ll go ask Midna for one. With it, you might be able to make Shadow Clones.”

“And maybe a Shadow Shrink!” Payton beamed. “I wanna play with a tiny little Dilly!”

“Payton, you know that’s not a real move.” Brianna said in disbelief. “You haven’t changed a bit…”

“So that’s what you use.” Joe said. “One of those crystal thingies from the Shadow Realm. A good businessman has to know these things, you see.” He flipped a nickel. “But I thinks I’ll take it from you.”

Dillon swiped the crystal back and hid it under his shirt, avoiding as the Joes tossed nickels. Dillon stretched his shadow strings to catch a few clones, but they all turned up fakes and exploded.

Carol heard something behind her, hiding behind the wall beside the hole as she saw Joe sneak into the previous room, through the other hole created by the exploding bull. The man turned to make sure he wasn’t followed, then touched himself to start making another clone. With a view of his right ear, Carol spotted a particular shiny object inside the ear. Carol rushed over to Dillon and yelled, “DILLON, HE’S IN HERE!” The boy looked to the exit and ignored the other Joe Clones, finding the real one in the room.

“Mind your own BUSINESS, Girly!” Joe threw two more Coin Bombs that Dillon avoided.

“Dillon, it’s the ear! He’s hiding the real coin in his right ear!”

Dillon looked at the ear, and noticed a slight shine. “Of course! Get it, Mario!” His shadow flew over in attempt to swipe the coin, but Joe dodged right and threw toothpicks to stick the shadow. But he didn’t notice when Dillon ran from behind and jumped on Joe’s head.

“Ack, hey, get off me, you little twoip!” Dillon struggled to pull the coin out, but Joe grabbed and tossed him on the floor. However, Dillon did grab the coin, which rolled over to Carol upon landing.

She turned when it rolled between her feet, watching it land beside another coin. She picked them both up, and recognized it as the coin Dillon swiped from him earlier. “Hey, GOILY!” Carol gasped and turned, hiding both coins behind her as a deformed Joe Clone held Dillon by the arms. “You’ve interfered long enough. Hand the coin back, and maybe I WON’T explode him to a pulp.”

Carol looked hesitantly between Joe and Dillon. But when the boy winked, Carol made a smirk. “Okay. Goooo GET IT!” She tossed the coin further right.

“Gyah!” Joe hurriedly ran to grab his join, but when he got in its flight path, he suddenly froze. He was caught in a Shadow Possession, originating from the real Dillon in the hole behind Carol, while the Joe Clone held a realistic Shadow Clone. Joe looked with surprise as the coin flew directly at his face. Unable to move his arms, he aimed to catch the coin in his teeth. In the split second before it reached him, the world seemed to slow. And right as it impacted… the coin exploded. (End song.)

Joe’s sleek, grinning face became disheveled and bloody. His mustache burned, lots of teeth fell out, and he flew backward down and defeated. His body landed limp and lifeless, the smile still frozen on his open mouth. The Joe Clone melted to nothing, as did all the others in the cabinet room. Carol panted and stared at the real nickel in her hand. “I…I did it!” She fist-pumped.

“Great shot, Carol! I didn’t even know that was the fake.”

“Hahaha! I defeated my first big-time baddie! I am AWESOME! …You know you owe me for this, right?”

“What?? I do NOT, I did most of the work.”

“Yeah, but who was it that finished him?”

“You couldn’t-a done that without me!”

“If that’s what you wanna believe.” She said proudly.

“Siiigh. Never mind.” He looked around at all the animals, the ones unconscious, and the ones still tiny and roaming around. “What’ll we do with all of them?”

“Well, I DID plan to unshrink them all for the fight… but considering their rude betrayal against their master, I think they’re good as they are. We’ll look for other Shrink Sweets for the others.”

“Heh heh heh. Good idea.”

“Yeah. I mean, I guess it was bound to fail from the start.”

“Maybe, Carol, but… the point is you were willing to try it for your friends. That’s all that matters.”

“Don’t use that pity-comfort on me. An operative whose ability fails is a waste of space. It’s like adding a random character in a story where they have no relevance. That’s why, when I join your team, I’ll have a REAL skill! One that’ll make you weep!” She smiled confidently. “I dunno what it is yet, but once I have it, Mason will fall head-over-heels for ME! Now LET’S go help our friends!” And she marched off with a new spirited aura.

“…Siiigh.” Dillon wanted to say something against that comment, but figured this is just how she went. He followed her as they attempted to find the others.

Once upon a time, a chief accountant of a candy corporation made his company millions after achieving a multitude of monopolies. But tragedy fell when he sailed his money-loaded ship through a storm, and it was lost at sea. He was retrieved on a candy-made ship, and joined those Big Mom Pirates, having lost it all already. All he had to go by was a single nickel.

Bakery

The tremendous oven ‘dinged’ as the hatch slid open, and the tremendous, luscious cake to end all cakes slid out. Chef Pierre and his henchmen began to decorate the delicacy with the most colorful icing as Sir Knightly watched excitedly. “HO HOOOOO! EXCELLENTEEEE! This cake’s gonna look buenos NOCHEEEEES! Ay-ay-AY, Big Señorita gonna be so bueno!”

“You need to check your Spanish-”

“AAAAAH!” Knightly whipped around to see Chris. “Y-YOU! DI’ YOU NO GET ENOUGH OF MY KARATWANDOOOO?”

“Please, all you did was open a trapdoor without me expecting it.”

“And WHO was the dummy in THAT caaaaase!”

“Siiigh. Whatever. But to be fair, you did teach me something after that cheap-ass fight. The fact I couldn’t beat a guy who didn’t lay a blow means I was really weak. That’s why… I trained with the strongest person I know. A firebender who’s strong of heart, and never willing to give up. That’s right. I am talking about…”

A storm of fireballs flew rapidly at Chris, who swiftly dodged and countered, panting and sweating tiredly. “YAAAA!” He leaped forward and SOCKED his opponent in the face. “Got you now!”

But Fanny Drilovsky’s face formed right back from the flames. “Not really.” She blew him back with a strong flame blast.

“Huff, you really know how to put up a fight, Aunt Fanny.” Chris smiled and panted.

“I’m flattered.” She casually brushed her shirt. “And Ay’m not yer aunt, boy. Otherwise I wouldn’t be lettin’ yer siblings sleep with my kids. But at least yer brother puts up more of a fight. If this is as long as you can last, then you don’t deserve to call yerself an Uno.”

“Heh, I’m as Uno as they come, Lady. And I’m nowhere near finished. Even if I can’t lay a blow, I’m gonna make even YOU sweat!”

“Admire your determination, but brute strength ain’t gonna work. If ya really want ta endure, what ya need are some good meals. Remember how my Spicy Soup healed Panini after Nerehc laid a beating on her? Certain foods can strengthen or weaken a bender’s chi, depending on their element, like hot foods with firebenders. Or how Matt’s friends drink that soda. Why, if yer dad ate more like I did growin’ up,” she smirked with pride, flexing an arm, “he would be Logia, too. But… what can boys do. But Ay’ll be generous enough to bake ya enough food to last ya a few battles. But NOT if yer gonna be wimpy like yer actin’ now.”

“Heh, you callin’ me a wimp? I’ll WRECK you, Drilovsky!”

“That’s Fulbright to you.” She lunged at Chris with a swift, powerful kick, which Chris countered with his own, almost blocking her with enough force to keep her back. The two engaged in a quick, furious fist-fight of flames, watched by Nigel Uno from their house across the street.

“Siiigh… my own son doesn’t wanna train with me.” He spoke sadly.

“Awww, don’t feel bad, Nigel.” Rachel patted his shoulder. “You taught Aurora about her special power.”

“Yeah, but it’s so embarrassing. Heck, I saved the world three times, but my own son thinks I’m a wimp. It might as well be Fanny who did all that stuff.”

“Ahhh, don’t worry about it. At the last minute, you might do something admirable.”

“I’m not really sure how I knew that last bit.” Chris said confusedly. “Anyway, after being introduced to Ms. Fulbright’s awesome cooking… I remembered, all we had to eat was candy. The truth is, candy should only be eaten on occasion. Real food is what really makes a kid strong. The Kids Next Door were afraid of that in the past, because they thought it meant becoming adults. But it’s not about how fast we’ll grow up, it’s about having the strength to take on challenges. Like fighting crazy adults.”

…Hmm… they’ve really changed since then. Sir Knightly wore a disappointed look behind his helmet. And this boy… no doubt, he’s…

“Hm? Somethin’ up?”

“Er- I mean- WHOOOOOOHHH! Iiiii not afraid o’ you! I gon’ ’STROYYYYY you, Nuchacho! And you not get this cake! I’ll beat you with my SWIFT ARM MOVEMENT!” He rapidly shook his arms. Then stopped. “Ehhhh… that’s it.”

“Pfft. I know someone who would do that, and actually be effective. But I’m no pushover like before. No matter how many hits it takes, I will breach that armor. And I’ll yank that helmet right off! Yaaaaaa-!” Chris ran forward, leaped, and PUNCHED Sir Knightly in his protected face, sending the knight bouncing back with his pan still intact.

“HA HAAA! YOU DIDN’T KNOCK MY HELMET OOOOOFF! I still got my helmet ON, I still got it… MYYYY heeeelmeeeet oooon HAHAHAHA!”

“YAAAAA!” Chris tackled the armored knight and laid a series of punches against his chest area. Knightly threw the boy off and frantically ran away, but Chris flew in front of him with rocket shoes, charged a surge of fire, and shot him against the wall. Chris landed before Knightly and trapped the man in a column of fire. “Metal’s a good conductor of heat, that oughta make ya sweat!”

“Ho… ho… hooo…” Indeed, the heat was quickly getting to the metal-clothed knight.

Chris then spun in a fiery tornado and flew at Knightly directly, drilling and drilling in a desperate attempt to breach his armor. When Chris jumped away, the knight fell to his front. But once again, he jumped to his feet. “Iiiii’m STILL ALLLL riiiight!”

Dang, this guy’s gotta have a power or somethin’. “If I could guess, did you eat a Devil Fruit that made your body totally numb?”

“NnnnnnNOPE! You get three more guesses!”

“Ugh. Never mind. I’ll kick your butt either way.” He leapt and landed a storm of kicks against Knightly’s head, bouncing it back and forth like a punching bag, but the knight still appeared unphased.

“Oiiiii heheee. I think some of my boogers knocked up to my eyes!”