Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kaito_Momota creates a group chat.

Kaito_Momota names it "GAYEST CLASS EVA"

Kaito_Momota changes his name to "Space"

Space adds fifteen more members to the group chat

Shuichi Saihara: Uh, Kaito? What is this?

Maki Harukawa: He wants to be like the other classes.

Kokichi Oma: why the fuck are u'll having proper grammar

Miu Iruma: THIS IS A FUCKING CHAT ROOM FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!

Space: Wait

Space: I have to change all you're names first

Space changes Shuichi Saihara's nickname to "Sushi Sahara"

Space changes Maki Harukawa's nickname to "Mako"

Space changes Kokichi Oma's nickname to "Cockichi Oumagod"

Space changes Miu Iruma's name to "Filthy Cum Dumpster"

Space changes Tenko Chabashira's name to "IDK for your name"

Space: Done :D

Mako: You only changed only five names.

Space: I want the others to change the nickname yourselves

IDK for your name: Ugh, what a degenerate!

Angie Yonaga changes her nickname to "Atua is our awesome god"

Angie Yonaga changes IDK for your name to "Some grill"

Angie Yonaga changes Himiko Yumeno's name to "Little witch Academia"

Sushi Sahara: So does that mean we can change our names whenever we want?

Space: Of course! Especially you, Shuichi <3

Sushi Sahara: *blushes*

Cockichi Omagod: Jeez you two get gay quickly!

Atua is our awesome god: Aw, that's because your beautiful Avocado and Scrap Metal aren't here, right?

Mako: ...Did Kokichi get burned?

Rantaro Amami: Hey, uhh... is this a trend online already?

Rantaro Amami: Plus Kokichi is crying on my doorstep

Filthy Cum Dumpster: THAT'S 'CUZ HE GOT ROASTED BY THE CRAZY GIRL OVER HERE!!!

Rantaro Amami: I am silently asking myself to why Miu's nickname is... *that*.

Cockichi Oumagod: Kaito was the one who picked that name, not me!

Rantaro Amami: Wait, Kaito gave Miu the name?

Space: Well... yeah...

Filthy Cum Dumpster: You fucking pleb!

Mako: And who is this 'Mako'?

Sushi Sahara: I think it's some character from Legend of Korra

Mako: I never even fucking watched that series wtf

Tsumugi Shirogane is online.

Tsumugi Shirogane changed Sushi Sahara's nickname to "Naoto Shirogane".

Naoto Shirogane: Who's... Naoto Shirogane?

Rantaro Amami: I think it's from this game called 'Persona'.

Cockichi Oumagod: Yah! Me, Keebo and Rantaro play it ALL the time!

Naoto Shirogane: I've never played the game

Tsumugi Shirogane: Um... where's Maki?

Mako: Here.

Tsumugi Shirogane: Oh... who's that character?

Rantaro Amami: From Legend of Korra.

Tsumugi Shirogane: Alright.

Tsumugi Shirogane changes her nickname to "Otaku".

Cockichi Oumagod: Wow... you confessed that YOU'RE an Otaku.

Mako: stfu kokichi

Rantaro Amami: Don't shut up Kokichi

Space: RANTARO YOU'RE NOT HELPING

Rantaro: chill

Filthy Cum Dumpster: I HATE MY NAME ASDFJKL

Cockichi Oumagod: Of course you do

K1-B0 is online.

Cockichi Oumagod changes K1-B0's nickname to "Scrap Metal".

Scrap Metal: Kokichi what is the meaning of this?

Cockichi Oumagod: YOU're a robot how can you type

Cockichi Oumagod: Do you type with your eyes or something???

Scrap Metal: No

Scrap Metal: Fuck you

Cockichi Oumagod:

Rantaro Amami:

Mako:

Filthy Cum Dumpster:

Atua is our awesome god:

Little Witch Academia:

Some grill:

Naoto Shirogane:

Space:

Otaku:

Space: ...That just happened

Naoto Shirogane: I didn't know Keebo had it in him...

Otaku: Shocked me SO good

Rantaro Amami: WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT KEEBO?!?!?!!?!

Space: Whoa Rantaro chill

Rantaro Amami: NO I CAN'T I NEED TO KNOW WHERE YOU HEARD THAT KEEBO THAT'S BAD FOR YOU HEALTH YOU KNOW THAT

Scrap Metal: What? That word is bad for my health?!

Rantaro Amami: YEAH YOU THINK YOU'RE BEING POLITE WITH THAT MOUTH OF YOURS WELL EXCUUUUSE ME

Scrap Metal: Oh no!

Scrap Metal: I'm sorry guys :(

Rantaro Amami: It's fine, don't do it again

Rantaro Amami: Let's go on a date, the three of us tomorrow

Cockichi Oumagod: Of course you'd consider that

Rantaro Amami: Well, yeah, so we can bond more and stuff

Korekiyo Shinguji: Did somebody say bondage?

Filthy Cum Dumpster: YES DADDY ;)

Mako: shit

Space: IT'S THE FOLKLORE CUNT AND THE FILTHY CUM DUMPSTER

Filthy Cum Dumpster changes Korekiyo Shinguji's nickname to "BDSM man"

Rantaro Amami: i never knew he had a bondage kink

Naoto Shirogane: some of us MAY or may not have hooked up with him so we can get tied up

Space: Does... that include you

Naoto Shirogane: I WAS FUCKING CURIOUS OKAY AHHHHH

Cockichi Oumagod: wow

Cockichi Oumagod: Shuichi DOES have a dark secret

Some grill: YOU DEGENERATES! YOU'RE ALL POISONING HIMIKO'S MIND!

Little witch Academia: Don't say is so loud...

Gonta Gokuhara: What is this thing?

Space: Oh, it's a group chat!

Gonta Gokuhara: Ah okay! I'll do my best to be very educated in this 'group chat'! :D

Rantaro Amami: And now we have the most precious person in the class.

Rantaro Amami changes Gonta Gokuhara's nickname into "Precious Bug Boi".

Rantaro Amami changes his name to "Avocadoes".

Avocadoes: Now, that'll be easy for the author to type.

Mako: who tf are you talking to

Avocadoes: Nothing

Cockichi Oumagod: You could've gotten me to change your nickname tbh

Avocadoes: I don't trust you with our nicknames so smh

Kaede Akamatsu is online.

Kirumi Tojo is online.

Ryoma Hoshi is online.

Space: Finally

Space: I was waiting for you guys to show up

Kirumi Tojo: I see. It would be useful to have a group chat so I can always ask from you.

Kaede Akamatsu: Hello Kirumi!

Kirumi Tojo: hello to you too, Kaede. :)

Ryoma Hoshi: why does this exist tho

Cockichi Oumagod: THE IDIOT DID IT

Ryoma Hoshi: And by idiot you mean Kaito

Ryoma Hoshi: That makes sense tbh

Naoto Shirogane: Hey stop teasing my boyfriend! >:(

Space: thnk u so much babe

Kaede: you tell them, Shuichi!

Cockichi Oumagod: wow

Kirumi Tojo changes Kaede Akamatsu's name to "Kayayday".

Kirumi Tojo changes her name to "Mommy Kirumi."

Kirumi Tojo changes Ryoma Hoshi's name to "BOI".

BOI: Why did you do this Kirumi

Mommy Kirumi: That was not me. Kaede simply asked me if she can borrow my cellphone. I cannot deny that cute face of hers.

Space: YEAH BOI MOMMY HAS A CRUSH ON KAEDE

Mommy Kirumi:

Mommy Kirumi: Call me mom again and I'll strangle you to death.

Space: okay i take that back

Space: okay is everyone here already

Kayayday: Here

Mommy Kirumi: I am also here.

BOI: Here.

Naoto Shirogane: I'm inside you

Cockichi Oumagod: ew

Naoto Shirogane: YOUR HOUSE.

Avocadoes: here.

Precious bug boi: I am here, wherever i'm supposed to be :>

Filthy Cum Dumpster: I'M AT KIYO'S HOUSE YOU FUCKS

BDSM Man: no you're not >:(

Filthy Cum Dumpster: :(

Otaku: here

Mako: whatever.

Scrap Metal: I am here, too!

Little Witch Academia: Nyeh

Atua is an awesome god: Atua is here!

Some grill: Yeah, same!

Space: well

Space: Let the madness begin. >:)

Avocadoes: well shit.

Chapter Text

Space adds Makoto Naegi to "GAYEST CLASS EVA"

Makoto Naegi: What is this???

Space: What do you think?

Makoto Naegi: Who are you???

Space: I'M KAITO MOMOTA, THE GUY WHO HELPED YOU WITH YOUR SCIENCE HOMEWORK

Makoto Naegi: Oh yeah!

Makoto Naegi: I got a perfect score on that homework!

Makoto Naegi: Thx :D

Space: Anytime bro

Mako: Wait

Mako: Are you saying Kaito is smart?

Space: you think I'm not smart :,(

Naoto Shirogane: well, it's very suprising that you helped someone that doesn't involve punching people

Space: YOU'RE ALL SO MEAN!!! :(

Naoto Shirogane: We're very mean because we love you <3

Space: DAWWW I can't stay mad at you <3

Makoto Naegi: Can I leave now?

Space: Before you leave, pls rate our group chat, highest is 10

Makoto Naegi: Uhhhh

Makoto Naegi: 11 over 10

Space: AHHHH THANK U FOR BEING SO HONEST

Makoto Naegi: But can I leave now

Space: Yes

Makoto Naegi leaves "GAYEST CLASS EVA"

*Meanwhile, in "THE VERY FIRST SHIT CHAT"*

Nayaygay: Hey guys

Rich snob: Where have you been?

Nayaygay: i was in Class 79's group chat

Smoothasbutter: why were you there???

Witch: Probably cheating on poor Togami

Nayaygay: CELES I NEAVER CHEAT

Nayaygay: YOU CHEATED ON KYOKO WITH THAT LITTLE SHIT FROM CLASS 79

Witch: It was a one time oppurtunity.

Witch: And I never told Kyoko about it.

Nancy Drew: I knew it. You WERE cheating on me with the King of Liars.

Smoothasbutter: King of Liars?

Nancy Drew: Or, Celestia 2.0

Nayaygay: except without any fake accent

Witch: But

Witch: I see Class 79 has a group chat now.

Witch: What copycats.

Nancy Drew: We copied Class 77 though.

Nayaygay: I wonder what they think about Class 79's chat...

*Meanwhile, in "WHAT IS THIS CHAT"*

Bagels: I think I found some new people getting influenced by the power of chats

So_Boring: who cares

Hajimeme: i don't

Hamster_Boi: THEY MUST BE CLONING OUR CHAT!!!

Hajimeme: Um no

So_Boring: every chat is boring

Bagels: YOUR ONLY HOPE IS THAT GAMING AI RIGHT

So_Boring: Yes

FakeGamerGrill: Hi Izuru <3

So_Boring: Hello

Bagels: THE AI'S HERE

Hajimeme: Relax

Boss Baby: what the fuck are you shitheads messaging about

Hajimeme: about Class 79's group chat

Boss Baby: ya mean that class with the little shit that the gothic bitch from class 78 fucked??

Hajimeme: yes

Bagels: wait

Bagels: How did anyone know about Celestia and Kokichi's relationship???

Boss Baby: Hiyoko

TheUltimateCunt: Did anyone miss me?

Boss Baby: Screw you

TheUltimateCunt: YOU'RE ALL MEANIES I HOPE YOU DIE!!!

Hajimeme kicks TheUltimateCunt from the chat

The_REAL_Mom: Hey what was that for? That's mean! >:(

Boss Baby: stfu I'll ask Peko to hit you with a bat

The_REAL_Mom: no you won't asshole

~~~

Back to GAYEST CLASS EVA

Space: HMMMM

Avocados: shit

Avocados: he's making a thoughtful face

Mako: what is he thinking?

Space: Remember that time when this goth lolita from Class 78 fucked Kokichi

Avocados: when did that happen??

Cockichi Oumagod: Well

Scrap Metal: I think it is before we became a 'threesome'.

Avocados: KEEBO THAT IS A BAD WORD

Scrap Metal: Ahhh I'm sorry :(

Avocados: How the hell did you fuck her, Kokichi?

Cockichi Oumagod: WELL...

Cockichi Oumagod: I was drunk that time

Avocados: You were drunk???

Space: yeah... sorry

Mako: wtf why are we talking about the one time Kokichi was straight

Cockichi Oumagod: I was drunk

Space: I'm not apologizing

Cockichi Oumagod: I fucked a GIRL

Cockichi Oumagod: And I'm GAY

Cockichi Oumagod: How tf did i fucking fuck her if I'm GAY

Space: Why don't we ask her???

Space adds Witch in GAYEST CLASS EVA

Witch: What a peculiar... chat.

Space: Shuichi, you interrogate her.

Naoto Shirogane: Why did you fuck Kokichi

Cockichi Oumagod: AND I'M FUCKING GAY

Witch: Oh, I was cheating on Kyoko. When I saw Kokichi drunk going to hir room, I went to him and ya'll know what happens next

Avocados: JESUS CHRIST

Atua is our awesome god: Atua, take the wheel!

Cockichi Oumagod: AHHHHHH

Avocados: Okay, I'm gonna cuddle with Kokichi because he looks scarred for life

Scrap Metal: Me too

Witch: Did you get what you want?

Space: Yes, and you're sick

Naoto Shirogane: wtf

Mako: that's rape you sicko

Witch: ask the REAL rapist Haiji Towa

Mako: N O

Space removes Witch from GAYEST CLASS EVA

Space: Let's not talk about this anymore

Naoto Shirogane: agreed

Chapter Text

Space: guys

Space: can you help me out here D:

Naoto Shirogane: What is it

Space: THE OCCULT

Mako: That was probably Angie kick starting her cult again.

Atua is our awesome god: Because Atua says so :3

Space: NO HE DOESN'T!!!

Atua is our awesome god: Yes he does ^3^

Atua is our awesome god: you agree right Shuichi <3

Space: is that a heart sign?!?!?!

Atua is our awesome god: I fucked him last night

Naoto Shirogane: No you didn't

Naoto Shirogane: Fucking occult leader bitch that has no freedom in expressing her goddamn emotions but to tell them it's the shit god's will

Atua is our awesome god:

Space:

Mako:

Otaku:

Cockichi Oumagod:

Some grill:

Little witch Academia:

Cockichi Oumagod: And... I should be asking why he's swearing???

Space: SHUICHI?!?!?!?!?!?!!?

Mako: Calm down. He must've let it all out because of how many times Angie tried to pursue him in real life.

Space: SHUICHI?!?!?!?!?!

Space leaves GAYEST CLASS EVA

Atua is our awesome god: Good job, Shuichi! You made Kaito cry!

Naoto Shirogane: NO WAIT :'(

Mako: Come on, I think I can hear Kaito sobbing. Ugh, he's so goddamn annoying.

Otaku: That's not very nice...

Mako: Says someone who tried to kill Rantaro with a ball.

Avocados: She did? When th did that happen???

Mako: You got hit on the head, but luckily, you were in a comma.

Avocados: Screw you Tsumugi

Otaku: Sorry I'm taken

Mako:

Naoto Shirogane: Should I invite Kaito back to the group chat?

Mako: How are you supposed to apologize to him?

Naoto Shirogane: kys

Naoto Shirogane adds Kaito_Momota in GAYEST CLASS EVA

Naoto Shirogane changes Kaito_Momota's nickname to Space

Naoto Shirogane: I'M SORRY KAITO TAKE ME BACK

Space:

Mako: why isn't he responding?

Space: Who are you?

Mako: Are you playing the amnesia trick again?

Space: YEAH I AM

Space: Also you're forgiven Shuichi

Cockichi Oumagod: I'M GAY

Avocados: He still hasn't moved on from the time he fucked Celestia tho

Cockichi Oumagod: Well, 'cause I'm GAY

Naoto Shirogane: Awww <3 I love you Kaito

Space: me too <3

Cockichi Oumagod sends a photo.

Mako: Kokichi what the fuck is this?

Space: WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THAT?!?!?!

Cockichi Oumagod: I bribed some girl from Class 78 to give me a NSFW photo

Avocados: KOKICHI! WHAT IF GONTA CAME ACROSS A PHOTO OF KAITO AND SHUICHI FUCKING EACH OTHER?!?!

Avocados: But what fascinates me is that Kaito's the bottom.

Space: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Naoto Shirogane: UMMMMMMM

Mako: You two stfu. I don't want to hear about your sex life.

Space: HOW THE FUCK DID THAT GIRL GET A PHOTO OF ME AND SHUICHI FUCKING???!!!

Precious Bug Boi: What is this word 'fucking'?

Space:

Naoto Shirogane: IT'S A BAD WORD THAT GENTLEMEN NEVER USE

Precious Bug Boi: Ah okie :D

Precious Bug Boi: Does that mean Kaito is not gentelman

Cockichi Oumagod: He was never a gentelman in the first place lol

Space: HEY!!!

Cockichi Oumagod: Gnetlemen never use caps by the way, Gonta

Precious Bug Boi: Wait I shouldn't wear a hat?

Cockichi Oumagod: nvm

Avocados: Kokichi, aren't we gonna go to the third part of the Persona 5 LP we're doing with Keebo?

Cockichi Oumagod: okay

Space: Wait you have a Youtube channel?

Cockichi Oumagod: WE HAVE LIKE, ONE MILLION SUBSCRIBERS!!!

Avocados: Actually, we only have a hundred thousand.

Space: But that's still amazing!

Naoto Shirogane: What do you do on your Youtube channel?

Avocados: You know, LPs, Vlogs, the works.

Scrap Metal: Which part are we in now in the Persona 5 LP?

Cockichi Oumagod: Part 3

Avocados: We play three hours each video.

Cockichi Oumagod: You know, to waste people's time with our constant complaining, theories, and the many pieces of shit we do!

Avocados: So yeah, see you guys later.

Space: Hey Shuichi, can you find their channel for me?

Naoto Shirogane: I'm subscribed to it.

Space: And you never told us???

Naoto Shirogane: Well, yeah

Mako: What's the name?

Naoto Shirogane: Kiiboumami

Space: THAT IS THE BEST NAME I HAVE EVER HEARD

Otaku: Oh, I get it! It's like a ship name for Ouma, Kiibo and Amami!

Space: WHO TF CAME UP WITH THAT NAME??? KOKICHI?!?! THAT'S A STUPID NAME!

Precious Bug Boi: Are you saying you hate the name I gave to them :(

Space: NO I LOVE IT

Precious Bug Boi: Thank you :)

Mako: That was a close one of making him cry.

Space: So what do you watch in their channel, Shuichi?

Naoto Shirogane: Their Persona let's plays.

Otaku: I like watching Rantaro and Keebo critiscizing people

Mako: I like Kokichi's pranks.

Space: Maki is that you?

Mako: Do you wanna die?

Space: Yeah that's her.

BDSM Man: THIS IS STUPID!!! WHY WON'T YOU APOLOGIZE TO ME?!?!?!

Space: shit

Space: he's here

Mako: Why is he writing in all caps?

Space: I triggered him

BDSM Man: YOU TOLD ME MY SISTER WAS A THOT! YOU SCUM OF A HUMAN BEING, I STILL LOVE YOU, BUT HOW DARE YOU CALL MY SISTER A THOT APOLOGIZE APOLOGIZE APOLOGIZE APOLOGIZE APOLOGIZE APOLOGIZE APOLOGIZE APOLOGIZE APOL

Space: Oh no

Space: You know what this means

Filthy Cum Dumpster: Goddamn it I spent all morning fucking myself to not give attention to the shithead

BDSM Man: Kiyo, calm down. They're all assholes.

Filthy Cum Dumpster: And he cheats on me with that bitch I hate

BDSM Man: stfu Cum Dumpster

Filthy Cm Dumpster: LET GO OF MY FUCKING BOY TOY YOU THOT!!

BDSM Man: Miu shut up

Filthy Cum Dumpster: Until you tie me up

BDSM Man: >:(

Space: Is it done...?

BDSM Man: KAITO

Space: Welp-

Space removes BDSM Man from the chat

Filthy Cum Dumpster: Fucking plebs

Space: So, wanna watch Kiiboumami's videos?

Naoto Shirogane: Sure

Mako: Why not. I wanna see Kokichi prank someone.

Space: ...

Naoto Shirogane: ...Maki why would you say that when you hate him?

Mako: I just love his pranks.

Chapter Text

Proportions: Me and Sakura went swimming!!! :3

Proportions: Also I brought us some Pride Month shirts

Witch: Did you bring Trans shirts for me and Naegi?

Rich_Snob: It's just a month before Pride Month. No need to get excited.

Proportions: Wait, didn't Celeste fuck that gay boy in Class 79?

Witch: I'm trans.

Rich_Snob: We are not speaking to you.

Witch: You are not part of this conversation.

Rich_Snob: I can be a part of any conversation.

Nayaygay: I brought us Pride Month shirts, Byakuya! :D

Rich_Snob: Please don't tell me you mixed mine up with the bisexual shirts.

Nayaygay: I actually got you a pansexual shirt!

Nancy Drew: I have an old Ace shirt somewhere.

Witch: I have a whole record of what everyone's sexual orientations are.

NOT_a_Transgender: Do you have a straight shirt?

Nayaygay: Yeah I have :D

NOT_a_Transgender: :D

Smoothasbutter: Two gay shirts?

Ihavebigasseyebrows: I hope it's not oversized!

Nayaygay: No worries, it isn't!

Nayaygay: Can someone please give me a list on who wants to order shirts and shit?

Rich_Snob: Here, I have everyone on the list of what they want for pride month. To be honest, isn't it TOO early to be wearing pride shirts?

Scissoring: N-no

Rich_Snob: We don't stutter in messages, Toko.

Dekomaru: SHUT UP, PRICK!

Proportions: Just give us what we want!

Rich_Snob: Here, so Naegi won't have to be confused and assume your sexualities like what he did last year.

Rich_Snob sends a file.

Nayaygay: Thank you, Byakuya! :D

Rich_Snob: Whatever.

~~~

Bagels: Guys, Pride Month is coming!

Hajimeme: It's like, May wtf

Bagels: Who says we can't get shirts a month earlier?

FakeGamerGrill: Since I'm an AI, I can totally order you all your Pride Shirts. Please message to me what shirts you want before I sleep again.

So_Boring: An Ace shirt.

Bagels: Bisexual shirt. OH, OH! WITH BAGELS ON IT!!!

FakeGamerGrill: Nah, I can't find any Bisexual shirts with bagels on it.

Bagels: :'(

The_REAL_Mom: I want a straight shirt and Hiyoko just wants a demisexual shirt

Boss Baby: Order straight shirts for me and Peko

Terufried: A Pansexual shirt ;)

FakeGamerGrill: The others already ordered, so yeah. I'll be telling you if it's already been ordered!

So_Boring: She's not boring.

Hajimeme: That's ironic

~~~

Space: Anyone want to celebrate Pride Month early?

Mako: No.

BOI: No

Naoto Shirogane: No

Otaku: No

Filthy Cum Dumpster: Fuck off

BDSM Man: No, thank you.

Precious Bug Boi: What is Pride Month?

Mako: It's basically where you show off what orientation you have.

Precious Bug Boi: I am Ace :D

Avocados: Of course precious bug boi is ace oF COURSE

Mako: But you all know Pride Month isn't starting, right?

Naoto Shirogane: I'm not gonna celebrate pride month early, Kaito, you beautiful man

Space: Aw :( <3

Naoto Shirogane: So... let's talk about something else?

Cockichi Oumagod sends a file.

Scrap Metal: Oma?!

Avocados: Where the hell did you get those important files?!

Cockichi Oumagod: I hacked their chats

Scrap Metal: Ouma that is illegal!

Avocados: Yeah

Mako makes a poll. Survey.

Are you straight?

Are you gay?

Are you lesbian?

Are you bi?

Are you trans?

Are you ace?

Or anything other than these?

BOI votes for straight.

Otaku: Maki, what is this?

Mako: A survey.

Otaku votes for bi.

Mako votes on other.

Mako: I'm a demi lol

Space votes for gay.

Naoto Shirogane votes for gay.

Avocados vote for trans.

Scrap Metal vote for bi.

Filthy Cum Dumpster vote for other.

Filthy Cum Dumpster: I'M A FUCKING PAN

BDSM Man voted for trans.

Naoto Shirogane: I thought you were straight?

BDSM Man: I'd rather not tell why I voted for trans.

Little Witch Academia voted for ace.

Filthy Cum Dumpster: HAHA HIMIKO DOESN'T WANNA FUCK!

Some grill voted for lesbian.

Filthy Cum Dumpster: TOO BAD TENKO! YA AIN'T GONNA TASTE HIMIKO'S VAGINA!

Cockichi Oumagod: And you'll never get to suck Kiyo's dick.

Filthy Cum Dumpster: WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU?!?!?! :(

Atua is our awesome god voted for bi.

Precious Bug Boi voted for ace.

Kayayday votes for bi.

Mommy Kirumi votes for lesbian.

Cockichi Oumagod votes for other.

Cockichi Oumagod: Demi???

Space: NOW, LET'S COUNT THE POLLS!

Straight- 1

Bi- 4

Gay- 2

Lesbian- 1

Ace- 2

Trans- 2

Other- 4

Space: Wait Kokichi you're gay right???

Cockichi Oumagod: THAT'S A LIE! >:)

Avocados: Yeah

Space: And you're trans...

Cockichi Oumagod: Keebo how do robots fuck if you're bi?

Keebo: You're extremely robophobic!

Cockichi Oumagod: And that's why you love me ;)

Keebo: Yeah, I do.

Bonus: My pride head cannons (Idc if i get attacked)

Makoto: Trans (F to M)

Kyoko: Ace

Byakuya: Pansexual

Toko: Bisexual

Aoi: Lesbian

Yasuhiro: Straight

Celeste: Trans (M to F)

Hifumi: Ace (kinda???)

Sakura: Bisexual

Kiyotaka: Gay

Mondo: GAY

Chihiro: Straight

Leon: Straight

Sayaka: Straight

Junko: Pansexual

Mukuro: Bisexual

Hajime: Demisexual

Izuru: Ace

Sonia: Straight

Kazuichi: Straight

Fuyuhiko: Straight

Akane: Bisexual

Nagito: Bisexual

Chiaki: She's an AI tho

Gundham: Straight

Nekomaru: Straight

Mikan: Bisexual

Hiyoko: Demisexual

Ibuki: Lesbian

Mahiru: Straight

Peko: Straight

Twogami: Ace

Teruteru: Pansexual

Shuichi: Gay

Maki: Demisexual

Himiko: Ace

Keebo: Bisexual

Tsumugi: Bisexual

Kaito: Gay

Kokichi: Demisexual

Gonta: Ace

Miu: Pansexual

Korekiyo: Trans

Tenko: Lesbian

Angie: Bisexual

Kirumi: Lesbiam

Ryoma: Straight

Kaede: Bisexual

Rantaro: Trans

Chapter Text

Kayayday: Guys do you know what day it is?

Cockichi Oumagod: IIIIIIT'S PANTA DAY BOOOOIIIII

Kayayday: Uh, no. Anyone else???

Mako: The day I kill Kokichi.

Kayayday: No

Avocados: What is???

Kayayday: GUYS GODDAMN IT IT'S SOMEBODY'S BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!

Mako: Whom?

Space: Kirumi, right?

Kayayday: Good thing the idiot of this group remembers!

Space: D:

Naoto Shirogane: Kirumi is pretty lonely

Naoto Shirogane: We should throw her a party!

Mommy Kirumi: No thank you.

Kayayday: But kIRUMI

Mommy Kirumi: It's alright. I am quite busy every birthday.

Space: No one should overwork herself!

Mommy Kirumi: I have my orders to fulfill.

Naoto Shirogane: What if we do all your chores?

Mommy Kirumi: I am completely fine with doing my own, even if it's my birthday.

Kayayday: No way! I'm taking you out on a date!

Mommy Kirumi: Ah date? But I don't know how to date...

Kayayday: Let them do your chores, and we'll have a date. You don't want your girlfriend to get sad, do you? :(

Mommy Kirumi: Of course not :(

Kayayday: Then let them do your chores! Is that alright with you, guys?

Avocados: Eh, it's fine

Filthy Cum Dumpster: There's no way I'm

Cockichi Oumagod: Shut up MIu.

Filthy Cum Dumpster: OK OK! Kaito you fucking asshole just let Kiyo in the chat already

Space invites Korekiyo Shinguji into the chat.

Filthy Cum Dumpster changes his name to Kork

Kork: >:(

Kork: What did I miss?

Kayayday: You're gonna do Kirumi's chores today because it's her birthday!

Kork: Game

Space: Everyone set on doing Kirumi's chores?

Everyone: YEAH!

Hours later

Space: Oh god my back AHHHH

Naoto Shirogane: I think I saw my life flash before my eyes

Mako: Ya'll are petty

Mako: I almost killed those fuck children

Otaku: Sewing something that's NOT cosplay is hard

BOI: I think my legs are giving out

Precious Bug Boi: Why everyone so tired and sad?

Avocados: WHY DID I HAVE TO EVALUATE A CHILD'S DRIVING

Avocados: I hATE CARS EVEN MORE

Cockichi Oumagod: thE PIGS

Cockichi Oumagod: feeDING THE PIGS

Scrap Metal: That math homework killed me

Kork: All those beautiful girls...

Kork: thEY ALL NEED TO BE SISTER'S FRIENDS

Filthy Cum Dumpster: Think like that you bastard, but they have fucking pepper spray

Kork: :'(

Atua is our awesome god: I am happy even though I have cramps! :3

Some grill: HIIIIMIIIKOOOO

Little Witch Academia: stfu Tenko I'm right over here

Some grill: O there you are

Little Witch Academia: If you'll excuse me I'll bury my self into the ground

Some grill: :(

Kayayday: Me and Kirumi had a good date! How's everyone?

Space: MY BACK I THINK MY SPINE IS FRACTURED SMH

Naoto Shirogane: those... riddles... the child's questions...

Mako: i REALLY wanted to kill those children tho

Otaku: I WANNA GO BACK TO MAKING COSPLAY

Kork: pls tell me those girl don't think I'm creeps so i can kill them all

Filthy Cum Dumpster: I had an even better time with those girls ;)

Precious Bug Boi: I capture all bugs! :D

BOI: My legs...

Avocados: THE CARS PLEASE

Cockichi Oumagod: PIG FEET

Scrap Metal: what does 'find the x mean'???

Atua is our awesome god: can someone please give me ice packs for my cramps?

Some grill: Training degenerates was shit!

Little witch Academia: I have a good time with those kids. They appreciate my magic.

Mommy Kirumi: Thank you for taking care of my orders. Can I fulfill what requests you desire now?

Space: KIRUMI MASSAGE MY BACK

Naoto Shirogane: pretend you're dumb so i can fulfill my pride being a detective again

Mako: GIVE ME A MILKSHAKE

Otaku: Let's cosplay together!

BOI: Tuck me in bed pls

Atua is our awesome god: Atua needs ice packs!

Some grill: Massage me will you

Little Witch Academia: nah i'm fine

Precious Bug Boi: i am fine also

Avocados: can you feed me guacamole?

Cockichi Oumagod: bomb every single pig farm in town

Scrap Metal: teach me how to find the x, please!

Kork: give me therapy. again.

Filthy Cum Dumpster: help me with my new invention, bitch!

Kayayday: GUYS!!!

Everyone: STFU KAEDE!

Kirumi: duties fulfilled.

Chapter Text

Cockichi Oumagod changes his name to Fuck the Police.

Fuck the Police changes Avocado's name to Playboy.

Fuck the Police changes Scrap Metal's name to Husbando Material.

Fuck the Police changes Space's name to Spacidiot.

Fuck the Police changes Atua is our awesome god to Delusional piece of shit

Fuck the Police changes Some grill's name to Feminazi

Fuck the Police changes Precious Bug Boi's name to NiNcOmPoOp

Fuck the Police changes Otaku's name to Weeby Loser

Fuck the Police changes Mako's name to Bitch

Fuck the Police change's BOI'S name to mafia serial killer

Fuck the Police changes Kayayday's name to Der Flowhalzer

Fuck the Police changes Mommy Kirumi's name to Mommy Sweepy

Bitch: Kokichi what the fuck

Spacidiot: >:(

Naoto Shirogane: Why didn't you change mine, Himiko, Kiyo, and Miu's name

Fuck the Police: 'Cause your name brings back Persona 4 memories

Playboy: But I'm not those pretty fuck boys you see in the streets

Fuck the Police: But you are to me ;)

Playboy: But

Husbando Material: Is this another robophobic remark?

Playboy: Nah

Playboy: That's just Kokichi's way of saying he loves you

Husbando Material: Aww <3

Fuck the Police: Ya'll convinced with the names I gave to u?

Fuck the Police: 'cause I prohibited everyone from changing their names >:)

Spacidiot: Oh screw you

Delusional piece of shit: Hey guys look at what I saw in Oma's laptop

Delusional piece of shit sends a file.

Playboy: wait

Playboy: You have a folder that says 'Blackmail' material?

Fuck the Police: Ye

Spacidiot: And a folder full of Persona hentai

Playboy: ...That's mine.

Fuck the Police: oH GOD DON'T KEEP SHIT LIKE THAT IN MY LAPTOP

Bitch: And... robo cock.

Husbando Material: Uhhhhh

Playboy: KEEBO WTF AM I HEARING RIGHT NOW

Husbando Material: But they're robots like me!

Fuck the Police: O god Keebo searches robot porn and it's bringing me tears

Playboy: keEBO

Fuck the Police: Is that his search history when Keebo uses his account?

Delusional piece of shit: And he forgot to log out :3

Playboy: I AM CRYING

Husbando Material: WHY

Naoto Shirogane: ...Yeah let's move on from this incident.

Chapter Text

Thot Nurse: Guys... do you remember what they it is today?

Boss Baby: Watching Infinity War today

Thot Nurse: No...

The_REAL_Mom: Taking photos of Infinity War!

Thot Nurse: No...

Bagels: Ur birthday

Thot Nurse: :)

Fanservice: Oh yeah! Happy b-day Mikan!

Thot Nurse: Thank you...

The_REAL_Mom invites Hiyoko Saionji back to the chat

The_REAL_Mom changes Hiyoko Saionji's name to TheUltimateCunt

TheUltimateCunt: Oh yeah it's the pig's birthday today!

Thot Nurse: Pig?!

TheUltimateCunt: Ya 'cause you are! 凸ಠ益ಠ)凸

Thot Nurse: I'm sorry for being a pig!!! ヾ((●＞□＜)ﾉ*:..｡o○ＳＯЯЯЧ○o。..:*ヽ(＞□＜●))ﾉｼ

Hajimeme: Happy birthday Mikan

So_Boring: kys

FakeGamerGrill: Happy Birthday Mikan! ／(* o *／)≡(＼* o *)＼

Justthetipisfine: A Happy Birthday for you too, Mikan.

Thot Nurse: Do you know if my beloved knows about my birthday?

The_REAL_Mom: I think so

~~~

Badass Binch: Hey Junko

Despair-Queen: wtf you want flat chest??? ʕ•͡ω•ʔ

Badass Binch: Do u know that girl from Class 77 that likes you? It's her birthday today

Despair-Queen: Who? ʕ•͡ɛ•͡ʼʼʔ

Badass Binch: Mikan Tsumiki?

Nancy Drew: You mean that girl who healed me from food poisoning?

Despair-Queen: Never heard of her ٩ʕ•͡וʔ۶

Witch: Some girlfriend you are.

Despair-Queen: Wait I have a girlfriend??? ʕ·ᴥ·　ʔ

Rich_Snob: Wow, I can't believe you forgot your girlfriend's birthday. Even I won't do that.

Despair-Queen: Fine I'll go to their chat ʕ•⍝͡•ʔ

~~~

Junko Enoshima invites herself to IDK WHAT IS THIS CHAT

Junko Enoshima changes her nickname to Despair-Queen

Boss Baby: Who the fuck

Despair Queen: HAPPY B-DAY MIKAN!!!! ʕ•̀ω•́ʔ✧ ʕ·͡ᴥ·ʔ

TheUltimateCunt: Oh she does! ʕ•̫͡ʕ•̫͡ʕ•̫͡ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

Thot Nurse: Yay she does remember! ヾ(*ㅿ*๑)ﾂ

Despair-Queen: What ya want for your birthday?

Thot Nurse: A date! ◎▼◎

Despair-Queen: shit

Despair-Queen: I mean YEAH LET'S GO! (⑅´•⌔•`)*✲ﾟ*｡

Thot Nurse: Yay! ⋛⋋( ‘◇’)⋌⋚

Despair-Queen: help

Bagels: nah

Bagels: u broke up with me

So_Boring: SHE broke up with me.

Hajimeme: she broke up with me

Despair-Queen: Ya'll are assholes ˏ₍•ɞ•₎ˎ

~~~

Delusional piece of shit: Hey look what I can do! (ּ⌔̀௰ּ⌔́) ˳⚆ɞ⚆˳

Feminazi: Where did you learn to do that?

Little Witch Academia: It's MAAAAGIC

Weeby Loser: Yah okay

Chapter Text

Bitch: Kokichi how dare you.

Fuck the Police: what

Bitch: I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

Playboy: Shirogane your girlfriend is spamming us again with messages

Weeby Loser: Maki no

Bitch: kys

Playboy: KING KAMOSHIDA IS DEAD FUCKING FINALLY

Husbando Material: Yayyy

Fuck the Police: WE ARE THE PHANTOM THIEVES

Playboy: Yesssss

Weeby Loser: O, you're talking about Persona 5?

Playboy: yep!

Weeby Loser: What part of the story are you in now?

Fuck the Police: With a guy called Yusuke or something idk

Husbando Material: he seems very pleasant

Bitch: Who is this King Kamoshida?

Fuck the Police: He's like Haiji Towa

Fuck the Police: You know, the pedo???

Bitch: O pls stop

Spacidiot invites Monaca into GAYEST CLASS EVA

Monaca changes her name to Just Monaca

Just Monaca: Hello there friends! (▰∀◕)ﾉ

Husbando Material: That name...

Fuck the Police: Omagod

Playboy: Did she just

Just Monaca: Yes, I watched your play through of Doki Doki Literature Club! (*￣з￣)

Playboy: Kaito why did you put her in the chat?

Spacidiot: Because I wanna hear more about her older bro

Playboy: nO

Playboy removes Just Monaca from GAYEST CLASS EVA

Playboy: We don't need to talk about a pedo AND invite the pickle satan to our class

Spacidiot: gUYS

Spacidiot: SHUICHI IS GONE FROM HIS ROOM

Playboy: Probs went to a restaurant

Spacidiot: HE DIDN'T TAKE HIS PHONE WITH HIM

Spacidiot: AND THERE'S A SCARY MESSAGE IN IT

Bitch: What? Let us see.

Spacidiot sends a photo.

Spacidiot: GUYS

Playboy: It says here...

Ya'll pretend this is the photo kys

???: I'm coming for you, Shuichi.

Shuichi Saihara: Uh, who is this?

???: You will die in the next day.

Shuichi Saihara: Is this some kind of joke?

???: K͎ͫ̈́̐ͦͪI̴̟͓̣͇͌̂L̺̦ͨ̍͌̈́̐͗͠L̨̢̩̈ͬ͜

Shuichi Saihara: Hello?

Shuichi Saihara: WAIT PLS SEND HELP I CAN'T-

???: Your time has come, Shuichi.

Shuichi Saihara: 

~~~ 

Spacidiot: AHHHHH

Playboy: WTF is that?

Bitch: Is that blackmail?

Weeby Loser: Oh no, it seems Shuichi has been captured!

Delusional piece of shit: My beloved husband! May he live with Atua!

Spacidiot: ANGIE NO YOU HAVE TWO WIVES

Spacidiot: I GUESS WE HAVE TO CALL-

Playboy: Kirigiri?

Spacidiot: Nah. Shuichi's gonna be fine.

Playboy: What? But you were breaking down a moment ago.

Spacidiot? Oh, was I? Sorry, I think you have the wrong number.

Husbando Material: Excuse me?

Bitch: Kaito stop playing around. We're going to look for Shuichi, remember?

Spacidiot? Oh, you mean the detective who went missing today? I don't know him.

Fuck the Police: What do you mean you don't know him? You're his boyfriend!

Spacidiot? I don't have a boyfriend.

Playboy sends a photo.

Bitch: O my god.

Weeby Loser: Is that... blood?

Playboy: Kaito, is that really you?

Spacidiot? Huh, maybe I'm just no one. Maybe I took him away from you all. After all, the universe just became unstable. It'll do anything in its power to shut everyone down.

Filthy Cum Dumpster: Jesus fucking Christ! The fuck happened to our chat?

Kork: It seems as if Shuichi got a scary message and went missing the day after, and Kaito... according to the picture Amami took, is not Kaito.

Spacidiot? The fun has just begun, you said a couple of chapters earlier. No. This IS the fun everyone expects.

Spacidiot? Have fun looking for the detective and the idiot.

Weeby Loser: So... what are we gonna do now? I'm really scared.

Bitch: We need to find them.

Spacidiot? Oh, I forgot to tell you. You need to team up with the other classes. Because they also lost the people they need.

Spacidiot? And, lastly, if you are still far away from your friends, we'll take some of you away. One. By. One.

Playboy: Yeah... let's start this journey with the other classes.

Spacidiot? Good luck. This universe is about to collapse anyway. If we let you continue on your merry way, we're not going to make it easy. Like what I said. We'll take you all. Why was there no one answering Shuichi's phone? Why was there blood in Kaito's room? We're simply taking care of the universe as a whole. Your time has come.

Little Witch Academia: Stop that. You're making me scared.

Spacidiot? Oh well. Whatever. The universe is a mysterious thing anyway. I hope you have fun while it lasts.

Playboy: What are you talking about?

Fuck the Police sends a video.

Fuck the Police: I am LITERALLY CREEPED OUT ON WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW

Bitch: Why is there blood written messages in the walls? And black shadows lurking?

Spacidiot? The universe is angry. Ordinary people might not see this, but you can, because the universe is hunting the special ultimates down.

Bitch: Why is the universe hunting us down?

Spacidiot? Oh, nothing. You see, this isn't YOUR universe.

Husbando Material: What do you mean by that?

Spacidiot? 

Bitch: What?

Spacidiot leaves GAYEST CLASS EVA

Filthy Cum Dumpster: I am SO SCARED KIYO HUG ME

Kork: You're already hugging me.

Bitch: What is he talking about?

Playboy: Let's not spend any time talking. We need to talk to the others. I'll tell them what happened.

~~~

Witch: Guys?

Witch: Have you seen Kyoko?

Rich_Snob: Strange, I haven't seen her all morning.

Nayaygay: And she hadn't answer any of my messages.

Proportions: Plus, when I called her for a swimming practice, her calls can't be described and I heard something screech.

Witch: Oh my. What has happened to her?

Rich_Snob sends a photo.

Witch: That is a horrifying sight.

Nayaygay: Is that... her phone? It has a little blood on her screen. Byakuya, can you take her phone?

Rich_Snob: The ceiling is dripping with blood. I am NOT going to get my suit covered in it.

Fat-ass: what has happened to Ms. Kirigiri, I ask?

Rich_Snob: Wait, I have asked my butler to fetch her phone for me. I'll send a screen shot of some... overwhelming conversations she had with her account.

Nancy Drew sends a screen shot.

Witch: I see...

???: The universe is angry at you, Kyoko.

Kyoko Kirigiri: What are you talking about?

???: You and your friends don't belong in this universe.

Kyoko Kirigiri: What are you talking about?

???:

Kyoko Kirigiri: What are you talking about?

???: 

Kyoko Kirigiri: .tsixe t'nseod esrevinu sihT

Kyoko Kirigiri: Gfkq.

~~~

Scissoring: What's going on?!

Dekomaru: Toki, don't be like this!

Rich_Snob: That second to last message must be spelled backwards.

Badass Binch: Junko... where are you?

Despair-Queen: The queen of despair, no, the

, is with us now.

Nayaygay: Junko, don't joke like that.

Despair-Queen: She's gone too. She is the most obedient person out of you. Call her the

Badass Binch: The hell did you do to her?

Despair-Queen: Don't worry. The other classes are also dealing with these problems. You're all going to team up so you can find your classmates... and survive.

Witch: Survive?

Despair-Queen? If you don't get any closer to your friends, we will take one from you. One by one. Goodbye.

Despair-Queen leaves THE VERY FIRST SHIT CHAT.

Nayaygay: Okay, we can't afford to lose more of us. So we'll have to make alliances with the others.

Witch: Agreed. I wonder what the others are thinking.

~~~

FakeGamerGrill: I found a screenshot in one of Nagito's phones.

FakeGamerGrill sends a photo.

Hajimeme: Oh my god

Nagito Komaeda: Guys, I'm being taken away to some universe. The guys told me I don't belong in this universe, we belong in a

And you need to team up with Class 78 and 79 to get us back. If you don't, they will take a random person from our group. I also screen shot a conversation with me and Gundham. Down below.

Gundham: The Earth is an abyss. The universe is angry at us for

Nagito: Gundham? What's wrong.

Gundham: You will see blood where ever you go, and you'll be taken away too.

Nagito: Killing game?

Gundham leaves the conversation.

Nagito Komaeda: So, hurry guys. BTW, I <3 Hajime

Hajimeme: Why him

The_REAL_Mom: Let's just team up with the others, and rescue everyone!

Hajimeme: Yeah! Let's do it!

Chapter Text

Playboy added 30 people in "GAYEST CLASS EVA"

Witch: Wait, why are we in their chat?

Playboy: We already settled this, remember?

Hajimeme: Whatever

Hajimeme: Anyway, are the others here or something?

Playboy: All 14 of us are here

Witch: the remaining of us are here.

Hajimeme: Yeah okay whatever

Witch: We first must make our plans before we find our other classmates.

Hajimeme: Jesus, it's just looking for our classmates

Playboy: What if they take one of us?

Hajimeme: That'll never happen

Witch: If they do take one of us, however...

Playboy: Send a picture

Witch: Yes, that.

~~~

Bitch: So, everyone here?

Fuck the Police: we already settled this???

Bitch: No one's asking

Husbando Material: No one likes you >:(

Bitch: Fuck off

Husbando Material: :(

Weeby Loser: Everyone online?

Der Flowhalzer: Yep! :)

Bitch: What about the other classes?

Witch: Of course everyone's in your crap chat.

Bitch: Do you wanna die?

Witch: I am already dead.

Hajimeme: This chat is dead and so am I.

Hajimeme: Anyway, who are the guys who disappeared?

Der Flowhalzer: Well, in our side, it's Kaito and Shuichi

Kork: May they rest in peace.

Little Witch Academia: I'm scared and sad

Feminazi: Don't worry Himiko! Saliva can cure sadness!

Little Witch Academia: One more step closer to me and I'm calling the police

Feminazi: SIT ON MY LAP THEN HIMIKO!!!

Little Witch Academia blocked Feminazi

Mommy Sweepy: That is uncalled for.

Little Witch Academia: It's called for

Rich Snob: In our class Kyoko and Junko are missing.

Smoothasbutter: Whatevs I never liked Junko Enoshima

Badass Binch: Ah fuck you

Smoothasbutter: But I'm gay

Badass Binch: >:(

Witch: My dearest Kyoko

Witch: Woe is me

Rich Snob: Are you quoting Frankenstein?

Witch: What if I am?

Ihavebigasseyebrows: You must be a good student unlike Mondo over here

Smoothasbutter: Hey wtf did I did to you

Ihavebigasseyebrows: You forgot our anniversary!

Smoothasbutter: Look man I'm sorry :(

FakeGamerGrill: The ones missing in our chat are Nagito and Gundham

Hajimeme: Nagito why :(

Boss Baby: You never fucking liked the douche

Hajimeme: I know

So_Boring: Good thing Chiaki is an A.I

FakeGamerGrill: Why is it a good thing?

So_Boring: Because I can carry you all day <3

FakeGamerGrill: <3

Playboy: Okay what's our first destination

Boss Baby: T̴̛̛͓̮̜͍͉͖̿̎̇͟ḫ̷̢̬͔̞̜̟̹͌̔̈́͠͠ē̦̖̹̮̤̃͗̇̑͆̏͢͝͠ s̡̟̜͇̳̹̾͋̊͋̎̏̌͜͠ͅc̸̲͔͍̳̹͓̈́̑̍̾̅̑h̨͓̰̗̫̯̮̻͇̓̆̆͐ơ̸̧͈̞̦̱͍̏̇̈́͂̊̈ȯ̸̧̖̮̙̟̫̞̈͂̈́͂͢͢͠l̶̢̖̞͕̲̥̽̈́̅͛̚͢'̛̭͈̙̰̪̤̼͗̆́̈̎́͜ͅš̴̛̗͈̗͕͙̭̩̙̩̉̑̇̿̽ s̞̱͖̝̺̊̈́̈́̽̂ȩ̶̡̲̼͍̤͎̹̮̅́͒̑͛c̷̛̮̮̜͇̲̩͈̝̼̔͂̍̃̌̉͡o̹̖̥͎͓͂̇̓͂͘n̪͙̱͕̫̘͉͌̈̋̂̚d̷̺̩͇̹̥̀͑̏̉̈͋̕͡ d̟̩͍͎̞̫̦̹̜͋̍͑̆̊̇̕̕͠i̴̡̛̩̘͎̭̰͒͋͆́͢͞ͅm̛̜̬̯̬̠̉͐̔̔̋ͅe̜͈̬̗̫̋̅̾̔̓͊͘͜n̨̦̞̤̥͇̼̥̺̟̉͒̏̒̂̂̒̚ś̮̱̣̯͇͒̕͠͝i̮̤̹̰̋͋̑͑͐̀̌̕͟o͉̺̭̯͉͙͔̼̊̃̓̅̓́ņ̖̩̱̼͕̩̄́̈̽̽͂͑̓͑

Playboy: ...What?

Princess Butterfly: Is he... gone too?

Justthetipisfine: No. He must be near the school dimension's portal

Justthetipisfine sends a photo.

Witch: Huh, alright

Hajimeme: Sure

Boss Baby: That was a fucking headache

Boss Baby: Wait shit I feel another one coming

Boss Baby: Split up. Find clues.

Hajimeme: Alright

Playboy: Me and my classmates will search the East side, Celestia and the others on the back, front, and center, and the remaining class on the West Side.

Witch: Alright, let us go.

~~~

???: 

???: 

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̸̷͉̰͙̮̜͙͈̰̼̺̪͖̖̖͙̈̎̆͊̂ͪͯͫ̋ͯͧ͝R̷̻̙̹͔̲̞̫̖͇̩͕̫̤̻͙̯̆̓ͣ̃ͥ̈́͑͗̈̾̑͋̒͘͘͡A̲̻͔̠̱̫̲͈͛͆͊ͫ̀ͪ̾̐̉͑̏̍̈́ͫͧ̂̚͡N̵̶̖̯̣ͦ͋͌̅̈́͋ͨ͡ͅͅT̸̷̼͔̤͇͎ͧ̉͐̿̂͆̒͌ͪͥ͊͗̏A̵͔̫̫͔̪̦̜̲̺̘̯̪̦̗̰͒̅ͬ̾ͬ͝Ŗ̋̾̐̾ͭ̎ͮ̃ͥͤ̽ͭ̚͏̨͚̳͎̰͇̠̘͚̣͓̣̙̪͍̖̟O̴̸̢͉͔͙̫̰̮̞̹͙̗̪ͭ̐ͮ͒̓̈̌ͨ̎̓̑̂̐͆ͮ̀͌ͫ̆͠͠ͅ ̢̛̭̥̰̙̮̹̠̬͔̲̹̪̩̿̌͊̌̾͡ͅA̡͈̜͇̦̮̫̱ͬ̾ͣͤ͌ͧͬ͗̇̍M͉̭͓̒́ͮ̊͆̽̄ͧ̀̏ͭͨ̍̍͌ͪ͜͝Ȁ̧̡͈̟̭̩̞ͩ̂́̋̈̅͆ͨ̅̓̕͡͞M̶̥͕͍̪͖̭̫̲̩͉͗ͬ̑͑ͥ̊̽ͣ̃ͧͫ̍̆̃̈͋I̸̽̈́̇̒̇̈́͏̶͚̘͖̲͎͇̝̗̮͙̰ͅ.̊ͪ̓͒̃͒͊̑̋ͩͨ̐͛̈ͫ̀͏̶̛̘̼̤̞̪̞̦̬͘͞

Chapter Text

Me: I ship Tenko with Rantaro for some reason

Some assholes: TENKO IS LESBIAN GO KILL URSELF

Me: Hello have you been influenced by the wiki again?

Me: Tenmiko is a bad ship. (i just shipped it here because I want himiko to suffer)

Some people who can't get it right: TENMIKO IS BEST SHIP GO KILL URSELF

Me: Tenko sexually harasses Himiko.

Some dude: Ugh I HATE SHUICHI

Me: Hm? Why?

Some dude: HE'S DULL, HAS KIRIGIRI'S TALENT, GETS ALL THE LADIES

Me: You know Kaede is just as dull as Shuichi is, right?

Me: What? How the fuck are Shuichi and Kaede well written characters?

Some dude: 'Cause... uhhh

Me: EXACTLY (i <3 Shuichi tho)

Me: Oh I can't wait to play as a female protagonist!

Me (in the middle of chapter 1): Please shut the fuck up

Me (after chapter 1): Eh whatever

Me: I hate Tenko

Some Dude: KILL URSELF THEN

Me: :(

Me: I dislike Himiko

Some dude: KILL URSELF THEN

Me: ANGIE IS A WAIFU

Some dude: What the fuck? You mean that cult master?

Me: Yes

Me: I hate Oumasai

Some dude: GO KILL URSELF THEN

Me: *looks at the wiki* *sees that the one who wrote Oma's article states he's gay* Ah, that's where they get information of him being gay from.

Me: *looks at wiki* *sees that unlike Oma's article, Chabashira doesn't have a Love Suite Event for her trivia* Wait, if they used Oma's Love Suite Event so they can "prove" that Oma is gay, why didn't they use Chabashira's love suite event as well?

Me: Ouma isn't gay

Some Dude: IT'S CANNNNONNNNN

Me: No it isn't

Me: I ship Omaede

Some Dude: ur autistic and a retard ouma is gay

Me: Please do not call me 'autistic' or 'retard'. It is very insulting for those who actually have mental illnesses.

Me: I prefer the English Dub over the original

Some dude: Are you deaf?

Me: I'm sorry, what did you say? I can't hear you because I am deaf from stupidity.

Me: I hate the threesome Saioumota

Some dude: IT'S CANNNNONNNN

Me: Wait, if you call Himiko a loli, and Oma a shota, then... why won't you lewd Himiko and you get to lewd Oma all you want? That's just hypocrisy right then and there.

Me: The Free Time Events and Love Hotel Scenes aren't canon

Fans: AHHH OMA SAID HE LOVES SAIHARA IN THE LOVE HOTEL EVENT

Me: ...Uh-huh. What about Chabashira's Love Suite Events?

Fans: EW THE CREATORS ARE DUMB FOR MAKING TENKO STRAIGHT!!!

Me: What hypocrisy this fandom suffers from.

Me: I fucking hate Kaede.

Some Dude: SHE IS BEST WAIFU

Me: Nope she isn't

Me: Kiyo is one of my favorites! :)

Some Dude: Awww you must be a sicko to be worshipping an inscestous serial killer. Are you a dumb, lonely, ugly girl?

Me: On the contrary, I am not "dumb". I excel in History, and I write and draw as a hobby. I also study Psychology when I have time. So, uh, who's dumb now?

Me: Kayayday is a stupid meme

Some Dude: But why?!?!?!

Me: How is making fun of someone pronouncing someone's surname... funny?

Chapter Text

FIVE DAYS BEFORE NEXT CAPTIVE

Fuck the Police: This school's second dimension is really creepy

Filthy Cum Dumpster: HA! Just as creepy as Kiyo!

Kork: You're creepier in bed, Miu.

Bitch: Guys we are NOT going to talk about sex today.

Filthy Cum Dumpster: Awwwwwwwwww :(

Playboy: This east side has four floors

Bitch: Are you suggesting we split up?

Fuck the Police: Um, duh! ;p

Bitch: I'm not talking to you.

Playboy: Yep, we're going to split up.

Husbando Material: We are all 14, correct?

Weeby Loser: Um, yeah.

Kork: That would mean three of us will search in each floor.

Playboy: But there will be one remaining.

Kork: They group with the others.

Playboy: Okay, let's split up then!

Bitch: Why are you assuming the leader role?

Playboy: No one's objecting so

Bitch: Fine, whatever.

Playboy: Me, Kokichi and Keebo will search the fourth floor.

Filthy Cum Dumpster: HA! Of course ya wanna fucking go with those prostitutes!

Fuck the Police: Shut your mouth you whore

Filthy Cum Dumpster: :(

Playboy: Anyway, Tsumugi, Maki and Gonta will search the third floor

nInCoMpOoP: Okay, Gonta got it!

Bitch: Whatever.

Weeby Loser: Okay then!

Playboy: Tenko, Himiko, and Angie will search the second floor.

Delusional piece of shit: Yay! Hear that, Himiko? Atua wants us to be together!

Little Witch Academia: Yep, Atua loves us.

Feminazi: ANGIE! STOP BRAIN WASHING HIMIKO!

Little Witch Academia: Hey uh, Rantaro, I have a proposition for you.

Playboy: What?

Little Witch Academia: Can you replace Tenko with Ryoma please?

Feminazi: BUT, WE HAD A THING TOGETHER! :(

Playboy: Yeah, sure. Ryoma, Angie and Himiko will search the second floor.

Feminazi: NO!!! YOU DEGENERATE MALE!

Little Witch Academia: O my god stfu Tenko

Playboy: Kirumi, Kaede, Miu and Kiyo will search this floor.

Der Flowhalzer: On my way, sir!

Sweepy Mommy: As you wish.

mafia serial killer: whatever idc

Filthy Cum Dumpster: Me? Filled with peasants? Oh, fuck no! I'm not goin' in there!

Kork: I'll make an Iruma shrine for you and destroy Sister's shrine.

Filthy Cum Dumpster: On second thought

Filthy Cum Dumpster: FUCK YEAH

Playboy: Okay, let's go.

~~~

Witch: This must be the center. Let us investigate all floors and the back, shall we?

Nayaygay: Too bad Kyoko isn’t here to solve this mystery :(

Rich Snob: Oh come on, Makoto. I’m the smartest, not Kirigiri.

Nayaygay: Um, okay then.

420blazeit: So uh we gonna split up?

Rookie of the year: Course we are! Who’s gonna be investigating the back?

Rich Snob: We’ll split up. Three people on the first two floors, three people on the last two floors, three people investigating the front of the school, and four people in the back. Got questions?

Smoothasbutter: Are you gonna fuckin’ choose the partners?

Rich Snob: Of course I am.

Smoothasbutter: GODDAMNIT!

Ihavebigasseyebrows: Mondo! Language!

Badass Binch: Stop being gay dammit

NOT_a_transgender: Um, Byakuya, should you start choosing the partners?

Rich Snob: Of course I will. The trio that will be investigating the front of this school will be Hifumi, Mukuro, and Hiro.

Badass Binch: Are you fucking serious? With those dumbasses?

FATASS: Hey! I am not a dumbass! I have been

Badass Binch: Shut up, fatass!

FATASS: ;~;

420blazeit: I predict that Mukuro will strangle me!

Badass Binch: If you don’t shut up I’ll really strangle you.

Rich Snob: Mondo, Kiyotaka, and Chihiro will be investigating the first two floors of the school.

Smoothasbutter: I better not hear anyone being a wuss!

NOT_a_transgender: Sorry… :(

Smoothasbutter: …Except you, son.

Ihavebigasseyebrows: Yes, he is our son! :D

NOT_a_transgender: :D

Rich Snob: Me, Makoto and Celestia are going to investigate the third and fourth floors.

Witch: Well, I suppose it’s better than to hang out with those… ruffians.

Proportions: Hey! Who are you calling ruffians!

Cherry Trees: Don’t listen to her, Hina.

Proportions: Okay. <3

Rookie: Uh, who’re the people remaining?

Cherry Trees: Me, Hina, Leon, Sayaka.

JPOP: WE ARE A GROUP TOGETHER! :D

Rookie of the year: DA BACK SQUAD

Proportions: That’s a rly stupid name

Cherry Trees: Let’s just explore now, before another of our comrades has been taken from us.

Rich Snob: Yes, let’s.

~~~

So_Boring: So, this is the west side.

Hajimeme: Let me guess, you’re gonna say boring

FakeGamerGrill: Anyway, I’ve heard the others split up.

Boss Baby: Why are they splitting up?

Ishoutalot: FOR MORE POWER

Boss Baby: kys

Princess Butterfly: Do NOT say such words, Fuyuhiko!

Mountain Dew: Yeah man!

Boss Baby: KYS