Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There are two things Chan remembers clearly from his childhood.

One, he always liked collecting memories. To be even more specific, he especially liked keeping physical reminders of those memories.

If he really tried, he could remember his first day in middle school just by touching the cover of his mathematics class book, and by looking at the dates written on its pages, he could remember the tedious hours spent trying to learn something out of those numbers, while never really understanding anything at the end.

He could look at each day on an old calendar he marked on and remembered the events that happened. He could watch an old TV show he had on DVD and recalled what Chan felt the first time he looked at it.

Memories were vital to him; it reminded him of who he was and where he came from. Some objects were more reminiscent of important people around him like the old plushy that reminded him of his mother, her touches and soft voice, his old toy car, and his father's kind smile and gentle eyes. He collected all those things, kept them as if they were precious under his bed as a child, as a teenager in a closet, and as an adult in a room. Chan was dedicated to them.

Chan liked collecting memories. He also loved collecting other people’s memories.

As a child, it caused him some problems. Nobody likes a thief, even more as a kid. Nobody wants to be friends with him.

But he couldn’t help himself; he saw how those kids talked about their toys, how precious they were to them. And he knew: he knew that to them it would be a dear remembrance later. And he wanted to remember for them, because even as a child he was convinced that they would not take care of it, not appreciate them enough, at least not the objects that represent them. But he could, he could take care of them and remember. He knew he could treat them better. And that, through the years, was a mindset that never changed.

But as a six-year-old, his parents tried to do something about it, his teachers as well, in vain because he was a lonely kid who never got along with anyone. Kids were kids, but sometimes they were less stupid than adults. And they talked. He was the thief. If you didn’t want to be stolen off your precious toys, don’t associate with the thief, don’t be friends, or he will steal, the thief is a meanie, don’t talk to him. Kids were vicious if they wanted to be. But Chan didn’t care. He wanted their memories, not their friendships.

For him, memories were more valuable. You remember people through them, but you don’t need them. You just need fragments of them. And fragments were collectible. People could be forgotten, but what they liked in their life will be there. And Chan wanted all of those.

He will know later in his life that it wasn’t the best way to get what he wanted. He would learn, not too long after, that acquiring friendship, that getting people's trust was the best way to steal from them. And later, he will understand. To get what you want, you need to be sociable. To get what you want, you need people following you; you need them admiring you and doing everything of their own will to do everything for you. When you have people like this wrapped around your finger, getting some objects from them was easy.

You don’t even need to steal.

But even with that, he still doesn’t know. As a six-year-old child, Chan was already a loner and if adults back then knew to pay attention, maybe they would have done something. But outcasts were outcasts, and there’s one in every social group in the world, and Chan was the one.

Yes, Chan loved collecting memories and at first, he thought it would be the most important thing in his life. But life is cruel and caring at the same time, and it gifted and cursed him with another obsession.

Because the second thing he remembers the most from his childhood was Lee Minho.

As far as he recalls, he always loved him. Love at first sight as they said. He was again alone, sitting in the corner of his kindergarten classroom with a new toy he stole from another kid, one that still didn’t notice it - yet, another piece of evidence that they all don’t deserve it - when the new kid walked in.

At first, he didn’t care. Everyone was the same; he could hear the teacher's voice saying something about a name, a new name, telling them, the others, not him, to treat him well. But Chan still didn’t care. He was still analyzing his new toy, still trying to figure what the memory he was collecting from it was. So, he didn’t notice when everything became calm again, he didn’t see when everyone got back to their places, and he didn’t notice when someone walked to him, curious.

“Why are you alone?”

He froze, annoyed. He didn’t expect someone to talk to him. He was sure he didn’t want someone to talk to him. But his parents told him to answer when people did because it was the polite thing to do. So, he looked up. And, oh.

Beautiful.

Even as a child, Minho had always been beautiful. He didn’t have the sharpness of his nose, the perfect jawline, or the perfect white teeth yet, but he already had the most beautiful eyes Chan would ever see in his life, and pretty hands, so delicate he felt like just touching them will break his fingers.

Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful.

He looked, and he looked, fascinated. Not able to say anything, just staring into the new kid's eyes, as if he was trying to grasp his soul. But the new kid wasn’t bothered. He just smiled. As if his reaction was anything but abnormal.

“Did you steal this?” He pointed at the toy in his hand.

For once, Chan felt ashamed. Not by collecting it, but by being caught. He didn’t want this beautiful boy to feel disappointed with him.

Don’t go, stay here. Stay with me.

“The others told me to not go near you because you’re the bad one. You take things from others. Did you take it from someone else?”

As Chan will learn later in his life, even when they were children he was incapable of lying to him. What Minho asked, he will get. And if what he wanted was the truth, he will have it.

So, he told the truth. He nodded even if he didn’t want to because he will be angry at him and leave. Getting him back later will be harder.

But the boy just smiled even more, as if he was happy he stole it.

“You’re not a liar! Liars are bad. I don’t like liars. You know if you give back the toy you took, I’m sure he’ll forgive you! And then we will all be friends.”

“Will you be friends with me then?”

The other one seemed surprised he even talked. Truthfully, Chan was as well at first, but he already knew, like everything else before. Keeping him meant he would have to make him stay by his side.

Don’t leave, don’t leave, don’t leave.

But even if he looked surprised at first, he just threw another big smile at him.

Perfection.

“Of course! I wanna be friends with everyone!”

Chan didn’t like this answer. He didn’t understand why he couldn’t just be friends with him. The rest of the class wasn’t impressive. So, he frowned. But he couldn’t say anything at the time, and at the end, the only thing he said was:

“Okay. Let’s be friends with everyone then. Together.”

He will be able to keep track of them all.

Little Chan didn’t know back then. Maybe he was too young, perhaps he was too obsessed with the pretty eyes to notice, but what they called love blossomed in his heart. Later in his life, still nothing much changed, Chan’s love for Minho’s eyes never changed throughout his life. He could remember his old feelings, and how they didn’t falter for even a second. Love, obsession, possessiveness, the wish to always make him stay by his side, never to make him leave. To do anything not to make him leave.

To do anything to be sure nobody will ever steal him.

So, he endured. He endured trying to be friends with all the kindergarten, to get rid of his image of a thief. But fortunately for him, kids this age forgive and forget quickly. That’s probably at this moment he realized collecting was easier when people liked you, and not despised you, and that was something for him to be happy about.

Because of him, because of Minho. Beautiful, perfect Minho.

Minho was a jewel, a pure, innocent jewel even at this age. His smile always kind, and he was sociable. Everyone started to like him effortlessly because he was someone even as a kid that attracted others. And to stay by his side, Chan decided to be as well.

That’s probably when Chan discovered he had a natural talent for acting.  

And Minho was proud of him for keeping his promises, to not lie. Minho doesn’t like liars. And stayed by his side. They became best friends quickly. Becoming best friends when they were young was easy, but keeping it all these years was harder, at least that’s what Chan thought. However, he intended to keep him, even as a child.



During his childhood, Chan remembers collecting important memories, from himself or others. During his youth, he recalls being an insensible thief, and he remembers changing that attitude to be an even better one, where stealing took another form, an uglier one maybe.

During his childhood, he remembers kind smiles and pretty hands. He remembers vividly and carved all the details of his face into his mind to never forget what he looked like when he met Minho for the first time. He remembers looking back and promising himself never to let Minho go.

Chan’s most precious memory.

Chapter Text

It’s while growing up Chan noticed that maybe, he was a bit different from other people.

He always felt like he was observing the world from a bubble, indifferent to what was happening around him. For example, Chan knew he had to obey his parents, he knew he had to respect them and care for them. Chan knew it was what was socially acceptable in this world. His parents never maltreated him and gave Chan love all his life, he was sure of that.  And in a way, he liked them back. But what he actually felt for them wasn’t something people will describe as love. No, it was more of a recognition, an acknowledgment for giving him birth, Being there for him financially. He also liked their presence, because it felt normal, reassuring . He liked listening to his mother's singing, and he liked his father's jokes, as bad as they could be. Just not in the way people assume him to.

Chan noticed this disconnection from his feelings when his cat died. He was eight years old, and Chan spent all his life with him. His cat was pure white with dark eyes, a bit fat because he always stayed at home and just undeniably very loving. A perfect pet.

He knew people expected him to be sad, and to cry but he just couldn’t. It was like he was not feeling anything inside. He just stared at the little grave they made in their small garden next to the tomatoes plantation and frowned, trying to feel something for this little creature that gave him heat in some of his coldest winters.

But nothing. It was as if all the cold the cat removed from his limbs escaped to his heart instead.

But Chan was good at playing pretend at that point, and he cried in front of people because it was what people expected from an eight-year-old after his pet’s death. Chan was expected to cry, to be upset . Chan already knew, perhaps from of his past experiences in kindergarten, that if he didn’t respect the social codes, he would be once again treated as the weird one, the outcast. And he didn’t want that — all for the memories.

And at night, when everyone was asleep, he did what he always did, collect one. He dug the grave with his hands, grabbed the dirty cat fur and tore it off from his skin in one movement. Because maybe he felt nothing towards this cat, but he was a memory, a precious one. And he felt something looking at those objects, this collection.

He wasn’t sure why. He didn’t ask himself much about all of this, but it was natural to him. Humans didn’t give him anything, but what they lived, what they accorded enough importance to, it was important.

The cat’s fur was the first object to his collection that came from something that was once alive. He put it tentatively in a small box made of plastic under his bed next to his father's toy car.

Chan was different. He knew that at eight years old.

But none of it mattered because the constants of his life always have been his collection and Lee Minho. Nothing else mattered to him.

Minho cried for his pet. Minho was there and hugged Chan. That was the first hug he ever gave Chan. The yellow jacket and black T-shirt Chan wore that day became a part of his collection. And that made Chan feel something; he thought it may have been happiness.

Minho had always been the only living being to make him feel something. Chan loved Minho. Just looking at him made him feel things only Chan’s collection could. Sometimes even more. He wanted to keep Minho by his side, to keep him safe. He tried to put him in armor, so nobody could ever touch him. He wanted to put him in a bell-shaped glass, to let people see but never get too close. But he couldn’t.

Because more than that, he wanted him to be happy. And Minho would never be satisfied under a glass bell.

But still, the world didn’t deserve Minho. If he was in a bubble separated from the world, Minho was the link to the real world, the only one who could enter his bubble without even trying but was still a part of the world Chan was barely a fragment of. Unfortunately, Chan could only observe with worried eyes as Minho became involved with people, always wondering if they even deserved to be friends with him. If he should do something to keep them away from Minho.

For years, everything was fine. Chan was being by his side, smiled at people who approached him, and just was being sociable, as Minho probably wanted him to be.

“It’s not good to always be alone! I cannot be your only friend Channie. You’re so nice and so cute, people will love you.”

And Chan never has been able to say no to Minho. So that’s what he became through the years, the friendly guy that everyone likes, the person people love. Because that’s how Minho saw him, perceived him, and that’s with this attitude he was still close to him.

Whatever Minho wanted Chan to be, he will become. Chan as a child was good at playing pretend, and he never stopped.

At thirteen years old, Chan was a middle schooler bored out of his mind, including his studies but still diligent - Minho said it was necessary for the future -, still in love, with a growing obsession and a collection so big he was afraid it would not fit his closet soon.

As a thirteen-year-old, Minho was more and more beautiful, a grade A+ student, with a best friend everyone like, and with a lot of admirers.

Admirers. Chan didn’t really like them.

They weren’t mean. They were inoffensive most of the time, but they were there. All the time. Whatever they were doing. To make matters worse, Minho was sociable already and the time Chan could spend just with him, to be able to look at him and admire his beauty, his eyes or his hair was already short. But with those new people in the picture? Except when he was visiting him at home, which he couldn’t even do anymore, it was frustrating. But he could tolerate all of that. These people didn’t interfere in their lives, they never tried anything, they just observed from afar. And as annoying as they could be, if Minho always gave them sweet smiles, and was nice with them than Chan will be as well.

Until Minho became attached to one of them.

His name was Yang Jeongin, and if Chan had to give just one word to describe him, it would be cute. Minho seemed to think so as well.

Jeongin was a year younger than them, still in his last year of elementary school. A twelve-year-old who had been following them for years now. At some point, Chan did think they became friends, and Jeongin actually was one of the few people around them that he didn’t worry about. Because Jeongin was cute, Jeongin was a kid, and Minho adored him.

Chan didn’t like jealousy. It wasn’t the feeling he loved the most, and sometimes when Minho was with someone else, not paying attention to him, Chan got jealous. He didn’t think it suited him very much, not for his public image, and not to himself.

But with Jeongin, it was a bit different because he wasn’t a threat. Jeongin was a small kid, with bright, curious eyes and big braces covered smiles. He was always happy. Chan didn’t think he ever saw Jeongin doing anything else other than smiling, at least not in Minho’s presence. The kid always had shining eyes while looking at Minho, with so much admiration it could blind anyone looking.

“But he’s so cool hyung! You’re his friend, you should know. He’s already tall for his age, and he looks so nice, and everyone like him! He has good grades, and he’s so so handsome! Hyung how can Minho hyung be so cool?”

Chan actually couldn’t agree more. But his admiration was so pure; Chan just couldn’t worry about the kid being around Minho. He was just harmless. And as much as Chan didn’t like people lurking around, Minho loved the kid. And Chan wanted Minho to be happy.

He could see why honestly. If the only things he loved in this world weren’t just Minho and Chan’s collection, maybe Chan could find it in his heart to like Jeongin. Everyone around him did, so he played the part. But acting like he appreciated the kid’s presence wasn’t really hard, because he didn’t have much explaining to do. Jeongin was Jeongin, and just because of that, it was enough to like him.

Since Jeongin was still in elementary school, he finished a bit earlier than them and had the habit to wait for Minho - and Chan by default since he was always around - at the school gates. And each time Jeongin saw him, he waved hard and gave Minho a blinding smile as if just seeing him was enough to illuminate his day. And Minho looked at him each time fondly, gave him a little wave back and walked towards him. Then they strolled back home together, Jeongin leaving them first as his home was closest.

It was on a very ordinary day like this when they were just doing that; everything went downhill for the first time.

They were walking home, as usual, Jeongin just talking about his day, Minho throwing a joke here and there and Chan looking at them, smiling, as he was supposed to do. And, he wasn’t sure what it was, maybe just Jeongin's natural clumsiness, maybe his foot bumped into a rock, or perhaps it was just fate waking up and sending Chan a message that the illusion he built that he was normal was just, in fact, an illusion.

The day Jeongin fell.

It wasn’t a sharp fall. No, he just tripped and fell, something you can see daily, something one of your friends could do, and you most likely laugh at them in return because you knew it wasn’t bad. And because it was what was socially accepted in this situation, that’s what Chan did. He laughed. Minho gave a little cackle himself before pulling Jeongin up to his feet.

“You okay?”

“Y-Yes Hyung! I’m okay!”

The kid looked embarrassed to have fallen in front of his idol, but Minho just laughed, he brushed his clothes off the dirt and then...

He grabbed his hand. And Chan could do nothing but stare.

“Since Jeongin isn’t able to stand on his feet, I’ll have to keep him safe right?”

Minho had this glint in his eyes, the one he had when he was teasing someone he liked. And just kept Chan staring.

“H-Hyung!! I’m not a kid anymore I don’t need someone to hold my hand to walk!”

And Jeongin looked even more ashamed than before as if his idol seeing him as the kid was at heart was the most shameful thing he could think of. And Chan stared.

“Nope! You apparently need this, or did we imagine you falling right then, Jeongin?”

“B-But!”

“No buts. Come on let’s go.”

And Minho kept holding hands for the entire walk, enlacing his fingers with Jeongin’s ones. And Chan stared.

Minho never held hands with him. Minho never held hands with anyone. It was the first time.

It was the first time Minho was holding hands with someone who wasn’t probably his parents. He probably didn’t think of it like this, but Chan did. It was the first fingers he held; it was the first time he did something like this. It was necessary, something he will probably remember later in his life.

It was a memory.

And it was a memory Minho didn’t make with Chan. It was a significant memory Minho made without him. Chan didn’t like it. Chan didn’t like jealousy, but he couldn’t help it.

He looked at the fingers that Minho was holding, he looked and looked and couldn’t help but think

I could take care of this way better than him; I’ll treasure it.

If Chan could point a moment where he snapped, where he changed his way of seeing the world, it was there. He snapped while Minho was happily holding a younger kid's left hand, while he was looking at the soft still chubby fingers of said kid, wondering how he will collect it.

Chan frowned. It was tricky. He never collected anything attached to a living creature; it would be a tad more difficult than chopping it from dead ones like his cat. Also, he wondered for a while how he would preserve it; meat rotted after a while. Was ice a good solution? How much ice? He will have to look it up.

“Chan? You’re okay?”

Chan snapped back to reality. Minho looked at him with worried eyes, the ones he gave him when Chan forgot what kind of person he was supposed to be. Jeongin just looked confused, as if he saw something strange.

It’s okay; he just had to smile.

And that’s what he did. He shook his head, gave a small “just tired” and everything was fine again in appearance. But Chan didn’t forget. He had something to add to his collection.

And that night when he got back, he started planning. Chan wasn’t stupid, he knew that what he was doing wasn’t legal, and especially, wasn’t morally approved by society. If he did get caught, it would be bad for him. And Minho, sweet sweet, Minho, will never be near him again. That’s why he had to be careful.

Thinking back on this moment, Chan would say he hadn’t been careful enough, but he was still a kid back then, and it was his first time, he didn’t know better. But still, the way he did it was too risky.

His plan was simple. Pretending to be sick on that day, wait for Jeongin on the alley he took every day, the one Minho always asked him to be careful of, cover up his eyes and mouth and cut his hand. Don’t forget to steal something to make it seemed like he was just a thief. Take the hand and go back home as nothing happened. Put the hand in his closet, behind everything else.

He didn’t think it through. Not enough. But he still did it because he wanted it. He wanted the memory. Because it should be his. Not Jeongin’s. Not a stupid kid’s who didn’t know how to appreciate this gift. He needed it.

So that’s what he did. That day, he called in sick. Minho just gave him a worried speech, telling him to take care of himself and that he will visit him after school. Chan brushed it off, telling him he will still be sick, and he didn’t want him to get under the weather as well, that he should visit in two days when he will be a bit better. Minho insisted for a bit but didn’t ask more questions at the end, probably thinking his best friend was being considerate of his health. And that was it.

His parents didn’t question him either, they trusted him. He was the perfect son, after all, getting good grades, never getting into troubles, having good friends, why would he lie? He couldn’t after all, right? Chan was a sweet kid, caring, and honest. That was who Bang Chan was supposed to be.

When tomorrow did come, he was ready. At least he thought he was. He woke up, took a shower, ate food, and waited. He waited for hours, contemplating the best way to do a fast job, to not make a scene. He then grabbed a butcher knife, his mother’s one. He read online it was easier to cut through bones with it. After that, he took a plastic bag to put the hand in, he will have to be fast after he finished the job, he would have to race back home and put the end directly in a refrigerated place. He prepared in advance, a plastic bag he filled with ice cubes and put it back into the freezer. Chan will have to find another way later because it will not stay refrigerated when he puts it in his closet. But that was for later.

He grabbed his school bag, put the plastic one inside with pink plastic gloves, his mother’s ones, and finally, left home. It was time.

He didn’t have to walk for too long, 15 minutes approximately, and looking at the alley, he guessed Minho was right to be worried for Jeongin taking it every day. The place was dark. And lengthy. It was fairly isolated, and while playing the waiting game, he just saw two persons taking it. The windows were closed, and probably were not that much opened, after all, who wants to look at a dark, abandoned alley. And yes, it was dangerous. He wondered for a minute how a small kid like Jeongin never had anything happened to him here, and why his parents even let him took it in the first place. But as fast as the thought came, it disappeared. He didn’t really care after all.

He positioned himself next to a garbage container, a big one, one that looked like it hadn’t been used for years. He decided to push it a bit so he was able to hide behind it just in case. It wasn’t much and it was too dark, especially at this hour, to see anything different. Chan got out his scarf to blind Jeongin later and put it in his pocket. Chan managed to put on the gloves and grabbed the tape before he tore off a piece big enough to fit someone's mouth. Chan’s hands clutched the ends of the tape tightly as he waited patiently for Jeongin to arrive.

Now that he thought of it, it wasn’t a well thought out plan and so many things could have gone wrong. Him not grabbing Jeongin fast enough, him not being able to put the tape on his mouth, him not being able to put the scarf on his eyes, or worse, him escaping and seeing his face. But Jeongin was an innocent naïve kid, and that’s the only thing that saved him.

He heard footsteps approaching. He heard a voice singing. And he knew it was Jeongin. He took a sharp breath and prepared himself. Jeongin was small, dragging him will be easy. The footsteps got closer, Chan prepared himself to jump. The footsteps got closer, Chan prepared the tape in his hands. The footsteps got closer, Chan got up a bit. The footsteps got closer, Chan was ready.

The footsteps got closer to his dismay, and Chan moved fast.

Chan doesn’t think Jeongin understood at first what was happening. He jumped on him, puts the tape from behind on his mouth quickly, dragged him back behind the container and blindfolded his eyes in such a short time, what was happening most likely didn’t hit him instantly. But when everything did set it for Jeongin, he started to struggle hard. The tape covering his mouth was doing a great job at muffling the sounds, but if Chan tried hard enough, he could hear choked screams.

He manhandled him and put him on the floor. He grabbed his bag and pulled out a rope he packed earlier and tried, with difficulties, to bound his feet. The boy was moving too much, and it was annoying. So, after debating for a moment with himself, Chan grabbed Jeongin’s left leg and with a sharp movement, broke it. The shock made him stop all actions for a second, which was enough for him to tie him up. Chan observed his work, satisfied. At least he will struggle less now.

Jeongin was crying and trembling now. He could see the tears rolling down his cheeks through the blindfold; he could see his limbs weakening because of the pain. And if Chan had emotions for him, he thought he would feel bad. But the only thing he felt sorry about was that Minho would be sad after this. He hoped one day if he learned about that he will understand.

After a moment, Chan finally came back to the upper part of Jeongin’s body, took his left hand in his and interlacing his fingers with Jeongin’s ones, trying to feel Minho through them. But the boy was shaking, and it didn’t look like he was able to close his fingers around Chan’s ones.

It’s okay; soon Jeongin’s hand will be Chan’s after all.

Luckily for him, hands weren’t hard to cut off. You just need to be precise in the area you will have to cut through just on the intersection between the palm and the wrist. It wasn’t that hard; Chan had cut meat before, how more laborious could it be. Thus, he put the arm against the floor, trying to stabilize the boy as much as he could to make a clean cut.

Chan wasn’t happy with how long it was taking him. So, in a moment of distress he let out a frustrated sigh, and that’s when he realized his mistake.

His voice.

Jeongin stopped all movements altogether and directed his face as much as he could towards Chan. And Chan could only imagine the betrayed look he was making.

In a moment of panic, he cut his hand off as fast as possible, with one sharp movement. And since Jeongin wasn’t moving, still under the shock, it was easy. The knife cut through the skin, the muscles, and nerves like it was butter. But Chan wasn’t happy about it. The plan didn’t go as well as predicted.

He put the hand in his bag quickly, looked at Jeongin, took his bag, grabbed the wallet that was inside, looked again at the boy on the floor who seemed almost unconscious now because of the pain caught his head, and smashed it into the floor.

He pulls off the tape. He pulls off the scarf. The boy was frozen into a betrayed screaming face. His eyes injected with blood and tears. He untied the rope and put it back inside his bag. Chan grabbed the boy's legs and dragged him back in the middle of the alley. And then, as fast as everything else happened, he ran home.

What happened after was hard to remember. He remembered putting the hand on the plastic bag in the freezer. He remembered putting it in the collection closet. He remembered putting back the pink gloves in the cabinet under the sink, for his mother to use. He remembered burning his clothes and shoes into the living room, almost causing a fire hazard. He remembered giving bad excuses to his parents. He remembered after later that week buying a mini freezer secretly to put it in his closet.

He remembered news of Jeongin not being dead.

No, he wasn’t. But he didn’t remember the events at all. Some doctors thought it was because of the impact his head had recieved from being bashed against the floor; others thought it was just because his brain was protecting him from a traumatic event, but they all eventually agreed that at the end of the day, considering the circumstances, he was pretty lucky — no brain damages. Except for his hand, that was now amputated from his arm.

They said he was lucky his aggressor had a clean knife in the first place.

The authorities, as Chan predicted, thought it was a thievery. Since Jeongin didn’t remember anything, they assumed he just had his wallet in his hand, and then by some misfortune, a psychopath in need of money was here and decided to take it. And that was it. An investigation was conducted, but it led nowhere, as many like them did.

And he knew all of that because of Minho, who was the first one interrogated because he was the last one to saw him before the attack. And if Chan regretted one thing in all of that, it was not planning how to make Minho out of it. Chan didn’t like seeing him cry.

Years later, Chan regretted not killing him. Too many risks, and considering everything, he had been pretty lucky. So many possibilities he didn’t take care of, so many things could have gone wrong. But he was young back then, a thirteen-year-old, he didn’t know better. He should have though, took better care of Minho. That was the only thing he was ashamed of, even years later.

“And Jeongin…He doesn’t want to see me.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know…He doesn’t know himself, but he said he was somehow convinced I was the one responsible.”

Chan kept silent at those words. And after a pause said.

“Don’t worry Minho. He doesn’t remember the accident, but he remembers you. You just remind him of a traumatic event it’s normal.”

Minho was still crying in his arms and then, probably for comfort grabbed his Chan’s one. Enlacing their fingers together. He gave him a small grin.  

“You’ll never leave me, right? You promised, years ago.”

Chan just gave him a sweet smile.

“Never.”





First victim: Yang Jeongin

Age:  Twelve years old.

Status: Alive.

Damages: Amputated hand, traumatized. Will follow a therapy for years, and for some unknown reasons will endlessly suffer from Chirophobia, the fear of hands, in Jeongin’s case, the fear of holding them.

Chapter Text

As a teenager, Chan never really questioned his sexuality.

With his lack of attraction towards people in general, it didn’t surprise him when he learned a bit more about sexuality later in his life considering how much he didn’t care. Whoever they were, people weren’t interesting to him. Except for Minho.

Minho was the light in his world, the only one able to make his heart beat, and the only one he cared about. Minho was his everything, and he guessed, the only interest Chan ever had. But Chan wasn’t the only one.

Through the years, Minho got even more popular and contrary to what it was before. It wasn’t admiration for his beauty, admiration for his grades or just because he was perfection itself, no, it was liking him, having a crush on him.

But he didn’t mind, most of them confessed and got rejected gently, and then they started admiring from afar, still liking him, and even more somehow.

“It’s because he’s sweet while doing it, I think him smiling and looking at them softly doesn’t help.”

“It sure doesn’t. Can he try just once to be a jerk about it? I’m tired of our meals time being interrupted every two damn seconds.”

That's what two friends of them, Changbin and Seungmin, said one time while they were eating. And they were probably right. Minho was too nice with everyone, and while those two always complained, Chan realized they liked to complain and bicker most of the time. They didn’t mean it though, it was more to complain just for the sake of it.

They both were the only people Chan allowed to be near Minho, because they were inoffensive, and most importantly, they weren’t interested in him. Not in this kind of way. Changbin was more interested in his drawings, how he dreamed about one day putting his artwork on people's skin, how he wanted them to carry them until they died.

“Or maybe you’ll do such a terrible job that they decide to go on one of those cringy tv shows and cover them with a true masterpiece this time.”

Truthfully, Seungmin was lovable. If Changbin was the kid who looked like a bully but was one of the nicest people Chan has ever met, and Chan knew a Jeongin once, then Seungmin was the soft looking boy everyone considered as cute, but the truth was that he was just very sarcastic, so much sometimes it was just plain mean. But somehow, nobody ever really minded because he was just…cute. And if Chan really cared about all of that, he probably would have thought it was unfair.

Seungmin just cared about two things in life, being as mean as possible towards Changbin, and taking pictures. And he probably didn’t want him to know, but Seungmin took photos of every drawing Changbin ever did when he was near. Chan thought their friendship was weird. And at one point, they became friends with Minho.

Talking about Minho, Chan didn’t think his best friend ever really cared about his sexual orientation or things like this. He apparently didn’t have a problem with other’s, but to his own, he seemed not really to think about it. Or he would have talked about it with Chan. But it didn’t really surprise him, Minho was more preoccupied with being the perfect everything, to be the best at everything, at a point now Chan was worried about him, than with his relationships and feelings. And Chan didn’t think it will ever change at least until high school was finished.

It was when Chan was sixteen that he realized he had been wrong. It was when Chan was sixteen that a newly transferred student arrived in their class.

The boy was called Lee Felix. And Chan knew he was trouble at first glance.

The first thing he noticed when he merely entered the classroom, wasn’t his clumsiness with Korean, wasn’t how low his voice was for such a pretty young face, wasn’t the freckles traveling across his face, no. It was the blush and the curious eyes Minho got while seeing him for the first time. Because Chan saw and felt everything through him, he knew instantly Minho took an interest in him. But that was the first time he saw this kind of glint in his eyes; the same kind people had while looking at the beautiful boy. And he didn’t like it.

Felix was a stuttering mess at first. And as pretty and foreign as he was, everyone took an interest in him. But Minho being Minho, if he was the one who wanted the attention of the new boy, he would be the one to get it. And for once, Chan saw him abusing his power over others to have it. It wasn’t like he asked people to go away, no, Chan just had to walk towards Minho, and people let him be. And if Chan didn’t expect it, he probably would have been surprised. Minho wasn’t one to take advantages of this, and if he didn’t know him that well, he would probably think he wasn’t aware of it, but as much as people liked to think of him this way, Minho was not an angel. A kind, pure, perfect soul, but not an angel. A human. And when humans want something, they try everything to get it. And right now, Minho wanted the attention of the foreigner who got his own.

As always, he was sweet and kind. He talked to him slowly, carefully, making sure he understood everything. He gave him his pretty smile; he gave him everything everyone liked about him. And it worked for a second. Felix blushed. Because if he was lovely, Minho was beautiful, handsome. A perfect face carved into the rock by a capricious god trying his best to make perfection alive. And it was easy to fall for this illusion. Everyone did. But Chan knew, he knew behind the ideal was a human, with defaults and qualities, with imperfection behind the perfect features. And he still loved him nonetheless.

But apparently, right now Minho wanted Felix, not Chan, it was never Chan.

Jealousy was an ugly feeling. And Chan couldn’t help but frowned each time he felt it. It was unfair, but he wanted Minho to be happy right? Right. Happy.

Minho gave him a tour around the building, of the entire high school. He made sure he was comfortable, always smiling, always talking with a clear but soft voice. Felix seemed grateful, and Chan sighed. He would like to speak with Minho later, but for someone who never tried to seduce someone, he looked quite good. He just didn’t understand. Why now? Why him?

Later that day, while walking home, he will try to deny it, to say he was inventing things. But Chan knew him; Chan knew who he was and how he acted. And eventually, he will give up. And Minho will say, that he never saw someone so pretty in his life. With a small figure and pretty lips, soft eyes, and clear skin. Freckles that look like the stars decided his face was a better place to be in than in the sky. That even later his smile had to be the cutest thing he ever saw, and that his voice, his voice contrasted so much with this, that it was endearing as well.

And Chan will feel crushed inside, at the same, they both realized that Minho had his first crush. The first person he started to like. And that was a thing to remember. To collect.

But Chan tried to not to at first because Minho genuinely liked him. And Minho should be happy. He should have known himself better and understood he would not be able to, but he tried.

Everything went well until the day after when Felix sat down next to Minho, where Chan supposedly was, but it was okay, right? Minho liked him; he should be able to talk to him. Everything was okay until lunch break.

Everything was okay and perfect until Lee Felix met Seo Changbin.

To say it was love at first sight could be a bit of an exaggeration, but Chan being who he was, he saw the blush on Changbin’s face, as much as he tried to hide it while seeing the pretty boy for the first time, and he saw later the curious eyes the new boy had while looking at his drawings, looking at his style.

He saw how they started to get closer and closer through the days, through the weeks, how Felix searched for his presence each time they were in the same room, how he started to become more and more tactile towards him how he always made sure Changbin’s attention was on him when he was here. How he looked at his lips. And how in a moment of weakness, Felix said how pretty they were to Chan. And Chan knew Felix liked Changbin. And the worst part in all of this was how it was reciprocal.

Because Changbin always blushed subtly when Felix looked at him and just at him, how less loud and calmer he was when Felix touched him. How he looked at Felix like he was too precious for this world. The look of protection and care, the one you give to the person that you like. Chan knew that, because that’s how he himself looked at Minho, with more intensity.

And he wasn’t the only one to notice, Seungmin did as well. He talked to him once how they looked cute together, and how he took some pictures of them being cuddly and that one day, when they will be officially a couple, he will show them to all their friends and embarrassed them greatly at their awkward flirty stage. But even with all of these, he couldn’t help to look happy for them. Because Changbin was his best friend, and as much as he didn’t say anything about it, he cared. He cared a lot.

Minho was the only one who didn’t notice anything, as apparent as it was. Maybe because he didn’t want to see anything in the first place. And Chan didn’t think he was that oblivious since he didn’t do much anymore, especially when Changbin was here. Maybe he just didn’t want to say anything about it to Chan. Minho was this kind of person, bottling up his pain and deception, not saying anything until he was genuinely heartbroken until Chan was the only one here to try to do something about his broken heart.

Maybe Minho was too used of Chan always being there for him after all. Chan was his shadow, and he was known as such. As the kind funny guy who’s always with the perfection that was Lee Minho.

But Minho didn’t say anything. After his first conversation the first day, the only thing he knew was that the glint in his eyes while looking at Felix didn’t disappear, and that was the only thing he needed to know to be sure he still felt something. And that was the only thing that mattered to Chan. Because he knew it was doomed in the first place, Felix will never be with him, because Changbin was there. And he just didn’t know how Minho will feel when he realized; he didn’t know how to act towards him. He just wanted him to be happy.

Yes, Felix was trouble since day one. And as much as Chan acted like his friend, he truly despised him.

Everything kept going on like that for a few months when one day Chan saw Felix and Changbin link their fingers under the table at lunch break. They tried to be secretive, but it didn’t work that well, and Minho saw it. And well, he didn’t look too surprised, but Chan saw the look in his eyes getting softer, blanker, more nostalgic. And Chan knew at this moment Minho saw it coming. He just didn’t talk about it, as always.

Chan was wondering how he will have to comfort Minho when everything went down as well, fate making him remember once again how he will never be able to have a normal life.

How he will never be able to control himself. Not even for Minho. Especially not for Minho.

He was watching Minho, still trying to figure out how to console him, when Felix in one motion got up, Chan didn’t know why, he wasn’t listening, but for some reasons he did. And as fate was repeating itself, Felix tripped and fell, face first into the table. And Minho, being the kind soul that he is, even heartbroken, was the first one to go next to him. He took his face in hands delicately and asked

“Are you okay? Does it hurt a lot?”

Felix seemed a bit dizzy because of the shock; he knocked himself out pretty hard apparently.

“Oh…It’s okay.”

Minho really didn’t seem too convinced judging by the expression on his face. And after a short staring contest, Felix finally gave in.

“Okay, okay. My cheek hurts but I promise it’s not too bad! It will have a bruise and after that, nothing! Don’t worry Minho.”

Felix gave him a bright but painful smile, and Minho still didn’t look convinced at all. Meanwhile, Changbin and Seungmin were watching the exchange silently. Changbin looked a bit distressed but didn’t do anything.

And that’s when Minho got an idea. The idea that officially doomed their little group of friends, a small act, but with such a significant impact. And he didn’t even know about it.

He decided to kiss the wound. To kiss it better as a mom will do to his child.

Except it was his cheek. Except it was Felix, the boy Minho was crushing on for months now, even if he knew they would never be together, Felix, the boy who had a boyfriend sitting just next to them. But most importantly…

It was the first time Minho kissed someone like this. And Chan snapped again.

I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it.

He wanted the skin Minho put his lips on. Chan wanted it. Chan needed it.

It was a memory.

But the memory blended with jealousy and hatred this time, all because of Felix. He needed the skin that the boy didn’t deserve, he never did.

Nobody deserved Minho.

And he could feel his mask slipping, he could feel his fingers gripping his glass of water hard, he could feel his sharp eyes looking at the now blushing boy pushing Minho’s back - how dare you, how dare you breaking his heart even more -, he could feel the hatred while looking at Changbin, and how unpleased he was at the situation, but still not doing anything, - why can’t you control the little vermin -, and he could feel the disdain for the human race while looking at Seungmin taking a picture of the situation, as if it was funny.

But not now. Chan couldn’t break so soon. He needed to control himself.

So, he slipped back into his fabricated persona. He smiled. Gave a sharp glare at Changbin, a glare that told him not to do anything.

“And done! It will feel better, now right?”

Minho was smiling. The broken smile of a broken heart doing a farewell kiss not to Felix, but to his misplaced feelings, because nobody wanted them. And Chan was even angrier.

Tonight, he will not plan anything. Tonight, he will comfort Minho’s heart, let him cry in his arms, once again, and do anything he will ask of him. Because Minho needed him.

But tomorrow was another day.

“Yeah…Thank you, there will be no bruises tomorrow I’m sure.”

And there wasn’t.





His plan this time was easy, but he needed to prepare for it a bit. That’s why he got up earlier than usual that day to buy and install everything he needed. First, Chan needed to change the hour on his mother’s phone and in the house in general. He will need to trick his mother that he got back earlier. Not by much, 30 minutes, but it should be enough. Today, Chan’s mother will be staying at home, so everything got a little easier.

Chan would walk back home with Felix for once, pretending to have something to do something near his home, give Felix sleeping pills on the bus, and drag him into an isolated place he knew about two or three stations after Chan’s own. But he will have to get off the bus at the right station and be sure Felix will be awake at this time. Then, he will ask him if he feels tired, and then let him sit down on a bench in the park near his home. There wasn’t much traffic there, so it will be easier to make sure nobody saw them. Next, while Felix will be sleeping, Chan will go in a shop, buy a necklace for his mother, show himself clearly on the security camera, talk a bit with the shop owner, look as nice as possible and brag about his mother, how lovely she is and how she deserves this necklace, then he will change himself in an alley where he will have hidden clothes and cover his face. Chan considered himself lucky that they were in winter, it wouldn’t look suspicious. Finally, Chan will hide his clothes and then go back to Felix, praying he didn’t wake up. Make him drink even more sleeping pills in his sleep, and then walk to their destination.

It will be late when this happened. He will need to cover Felix’s face as well, and luckily for him at this hour and in this area, there wouldn’t be too many people. It was too easy. And yet, still too risky. But it was his only plan and he no idea how to do it otherwise.

So that’s precisely what he did. The next day, they had a strange lunchtime, probably because of the events of the day before, Minho was still heartbroken, and his smiles didn’t reach his ears, Felix looked a bit uncomfortable but was still trying his best to talk, Seungmin just…Didn’t seem to care much about everything and was just eating, while Changbin was frowning at his meal as if he was responsible for all the misery in the world. And Chan, Chan never really said anything on lunch break anyways. To be short, it was awkward.

Chan stayed with Minho all day, even more than usual. He told him he would not go back with him today because he had to buy a necklace for his mother. Minho proposed to go with him, but Chan said no. He told him to rest and to watch funny videos. And he gave him a small smile and told him to take care.

That day, Chan went back with Felix. That day he put excessively strong sleeping pills in a coke bottle, and gave it to Felix, watching with a sick fascination as the boy doomed himself. Chan observed the boy feeling dizzy on the bus. He watched him falling asleep on a bunch.

His plan was working smoothly, too smoothly.

When he got back to Felix after buying the necklace and changing himself, he was still sleeping. Chan let out a sigh of relief. That was the part of his plan he had the most doubts about. But seeing him still sleeping, not bothered by the sounds around, as if nothing wrong will happen to him, was relieving. Nothing could save him now. Soon, this vermin will finally give him what he did not deserve because he will not treasure it, maybe he didn’t even care.

Maybe Changbin already kissed this cheek over Minho’s kiss. And his blood boiled even more at the thought.

He didn’t have to walk for too long. 10minutes. But 10minutes with a sleeping boy in your arms wasn’t easy. And the worst part was that he couldn’t rest, he needed to be fast. Because if he was too slow, then it will be suspicious if someone asked him questions later. And he couldn’t run, because if someone saw him, then it was over.

Felix was still sleeping when they arrived. An abandoned house. He checked the streets, made sure nobody saw him and entered as quietly as possible. The floorboards were creaking under his footsteps, and even if at first, he wanted to go upstairs, but he glanced over the stairs and judging by its condition, he thought it was unsafe to try. So, he put Felix on the floor, looked at the boy who was still sleeping stared at him for a second, and put the scarf around his eyes, just in case he woke up. He closed everything inside the room that could make people see him, removed his winter gloves, and put on the plastic ones. It felt familiar somehow.

He then got closer to Felix, taking out pills and forcing Felix’s sleeping body to swallow them. He then put the tape on Felix’s mouth, a smaller piece than before, because he needed to take the skin out of his cheek, and he needed everything. Chan wondered for a second if he should tie his arms with a rope, just in case, but he didn’t have time. Chan had to be fast.

He took out a knife, a smaller one than the one he used with Jeongin, one you used to do precise cuts, his mother used to cut thin pieces of meat.

He kneeled next to Felix’s face. Took his head and put it on his knees. He then proceeded to bend his face to the left, to have a clear view of his right cheek. He pinched the skin under him and stretched it — still no response. He took his knife. And then began to cut through it.

It was different than with Jeongin. While Jeongin had been a fast job, hurried job, Felix was still asleep, and he had to be sure to have the entire skin, so it was a slower process, harder than just to have a clean cut on a wrist. The other difference was the blood. This time, he could see it. He was wearing gloves so that he couldn’t feel anything, but he saw the blood dripping through the wound as time passed.

There was something sick about watching himself took a part of Felix’s body while the later didn’t even complain. Chan wasn’t complaining, it made his job easier, but he wondered if he drugged Felix too much. In his plan, Felix was supposed to be awake. Maybe he took too many precautions.

It didn’t take him long to get what he wanted. Felix was still asleep, and while he was carving through his soft flesh, he was slow but meticulous. So, it didn’t take him too long. He put the skin in a small zip bag and packed it in his bag.

Felix was bleeding badly on the floor, and he asked himself for a second if he should give him a chance to live because he was sure that if he let his motionless body there, no one will find him before he bled to death. He got back to him and frowned. Minho will probably want him alive, right?

He sighed. Yeah. Minho will want him alive. And as he did for Jeongin, he grabbed his face and smashed it. If it worked for Jeongin, it should work for Felix. He then carried his body and put him back in the alley. This one was more frequented than the one he put Jeongin’s in, so it should be okay, but he had to be fast. He put him gently on the floor and ran as soon as he did. He was late.

When he got back home that day, he gave his present to his mother.

She loved it.



Felix was some lucky vermin apparently because as Jeongin’s did, he survived. But damaged.

If you forget that he was scarred for his all life, he also was amnesic. Apparently, the sleeping pills combined with the hit on his head damaged his brain significantly. Chan wasn’t sure he understood well, and to be quite honest he didn’t care. He just cared about his alibi, and when the police arrived, he was ready. He answered every question with the right emotion influx in his voice; he did that for already too long to be bad at it. And they had no proofs anyways. Also, nobody will really suspect him; Chan was too sweet, too gentle. He had no reasons to do something so vile to Felix, right?

Nobody was really sure about what happened. Nobody understood why someone did that.

Minho, of course, was terrified. He confessed later it made him remember what happened to Jeongin, except this time it was even worse. He cried a lot again. Because this time he didn’t think he could even try to be his friend again. And he didn’t even want to see him. And Chan was glad that for once that he was selfish.

And Changbin, Changbin was in such a state it was hard to see.

When he learned the news, Changbin was the first one to go to the hospital. When he saw his boyfriend, his state, and how he didn’t recognize him, he was more than heartbroken; he was just broken. Changbin didn’t come to school for days, and Seungmin had no news, the only thing they knew was from Changbin’s parents, who just said the only thing he did was visit Felix once a day, and after that they weren’t sure what he was doing, and everyone, except Chan, was worried.

Until he came back, days later, with fierce eyes and a new-found determination.

“If no one is going to try to find the culprit, I will.”

That was the only thing he declared. And Chan just glared at him.

He wondered how just one person could find thing others didn’t. Especially the police. But he should have known that the determination of one man had as much value as the work of a hundred if he cared enough.

Changbin days went like this, go to school, go visit Felix for an hour, and then investigate until 11 pm. His parents were worried crazy, but they just couldn’t make him not to it. Changbin loved Felix. Even now, even with his scarred pretty face, even with his eyes not recognizing him.

“It’s okay; we can learn to know each other again.”

Yes indeed, Changbin loved Felix as much as Chan loved Minho. And that’s why he knew he would never give up. And that’s why one day he came back with a smile on his face, and Chan knew it wasn’t good news for him.

Apparently, he found something in the abandoned house. He didn’t say what it was, and Chan frowned because he was sure he didn’t forget anything. But Changbin said it could make the investigation easier, and that’s when Chan knew he had to act soon.

Seungmin looked happy for his friend; he told him a few days ago how he wished he found something, to be more peaceful. He told him how he saw how it was eating him up from inside to look at Felix every day but not to know who did this to him, to not be able to help him. The only thing he could do was to be there, but it wasn’t enough for him.

Minho just looked awkward. He didn’t want to hear anything about this. He just wanted to forget. Chan knew one day it would come back to him. And this day, he will probably need to see someone, someone more qualified than Chan, even if he wasn’t happy about it. However, if Minho needed something, and if this something wasn’t him, then Chan will give it to him. This person just had to be good.

He had to act fast. And the fastest way he could think about to be sure he couldn’t talk, was to kill him.

It was a relief; he didn’t need to collect anything from him. It would be easier.

The idea was simple. Gas leak. Provoking a gas leak and then throw a flame. Easy. Very dangerous but easy.

Infiltrating Changbin’s house was easy. Seriously, if his parents survived somehow from this, he will have to tell them to be careful with how easy it was. No alarm. No security cameras. He just had to pick the lock for a bit, and here he was, in Changbin’s house. When he decided to do this at first, he thought he will just activate the gas, wait for it to spread across the house, be sure all doors where open, put nice smelling objects across the house to be sure they don’t notice anything while waking up, wait for them to do so and watch the house catch fire as soon as they turned on the light.

But he wanted to know what Changbin found in this house. He was too curious. So, he took the sleeping pills, again, the tape, the knife, and the rope. And went to his room. Could someone say he was doing something good right? At least Changbin will know the one who did this to Felix right.

Changbin was sound asleep. He remembered Seungmin joking one time how when Changbin was asleep, it was almost impossible to wake him up. Well, Chan would see if he was right or not. He started with the tape because we never know. He then proceeded to tie his hands to the bed and Changbin didn’t wake up or even move. Chan arched an eyebrow. Too easy. He then jumped on the bed, put each of his legs on each side of Changbin, grabbed his knife put his arm on Changbin throat and woke him up by shaking him.

“Good morning sleepyhead, the reaper is here for you.”

And those words, Changbin snapped his eyes open and looked at Chan with surprised eyes. He tried to move but he just couldn’t. Chan was too strong.

“If I were you, I will not try to do that. Do you see this knife?”

Chan showed him the knife, making the object dance a bit through his fingers. Changbin looked terrified.

“It’s the one I used on your little boyfriend.”

Changbin opened his eyes wide at that. He looked at him through the dark, as if he couldn’t believe it. But the situation in which he was, was making it hard not to believe it. And then came the anger.

“Ah! Don’t look at me like that. You don’t wanna die with such anger in your heart, right? I’m doing yourself a favor here.”

Changbin frowned.

“I wanted to make you see the face of the guy who did this to your little, vermin, boyfriend. And you will be dead soon. It’s just a nice goodbye present you see.”

Changbin stilled.

“Yeah, yeah. You’re gonna die tonight. I hope you don’t regret anything.”

Chan gave him a kind smile, the one he gave everyone, the one that people associate with him. But right now, he just looked like a psychopath.

In retrospect, Chan thought he probably was.

Surprisingly Changbin didn’t look too panicked, as if it was normal. As if…As if he didn’t really mind dying tonight.

“So, I have a question to ask. If you scream, I kill you. And it will be painful. If you don’t, I still kill you later, but you have the right to have a last wish and a less painful death, how is it? You have two minutes to think about it.”

But Changbin didn’t take two minutes. He nodded. Chan put the knife against his throat, and then took out the tape as slow as possible. They stared at each other for a second.

Changbin didn’t scream.

“Good.”

“Can I ask a question first? It’s not my last wish.”

Chan didn’t expect that. He had too much assurance in his voice. Chan gave him a crooked smile.

“You really don’t care to die, don’t you?”

“Not really. Not anymore.”

“Hmmm. What’s the question?”

“Just why. Why did you that to Felix?”

Chan wasn’t surprised. Of course, if he had just one question, it will be about the vermin.

“Did you know Felix was the first one Minho kissed like this? That’s why.”

“You…Scarred Felix, just because of a kiss?”

Chan didn’t like the way he said this. But who cared anyway, he will die soon.

“It wasn’t just a kiss. It was a memory. Minho’s precious memory. I need them you understand? I need them. Felix would not have treasured it. But I do. I can look at them and see how precious it is. You would not understand.”

“No, I don’t. But does it matter?”

Chan smiled even more. In maybe another life, another context, he was sure that if he had feelings, he would have been happy to be his friend.

“No, it doesn’t.”

There was a pause. Changbin looked at the ceiling with lifeless eyes for a second.

“So, I do have a question myself you see.”

“…What it is.”

“What did you find?”

Changbin smiled at this.

“Is this why you are, is this why you’re doing this?”

“Yes. Now answer.”

Changbin actually laughed. Quietly, but he did. And if Chan cared he will say he was insane.

“Nothing.”

“…What?”

“Nothing. I was depressed to find nothing. I wanted encouragements. I wanted someone to tell me I was doing something right. I wanted my best friend support.”

Changbin sighed.

“Seungmin will be heartbroken.”

But Chan said nothing. He was a bit irritated, to be honest. Doing all of this was taking a risk, taking a risk for nothing was annoying.

“What is your last wish?”

“Take care of Felix for me.”

To say he was surprised was an understatement.

“You want the guy who did this to him, to take care of him?”

“Yes.”

“…Why should I do this?”

Changbin arched an eyebrow to this.

“You’re the one who said you’ll realize my last wish. That’s my last wish. Take care of him. Be there with him at least an hour a day. When he will get out, help him find a good college, help him do new things, help find someone. Help him with his life. Minho will want you to keep your promises right? If I remember correctly, Minho doesn’t like liars.”

Chan frowned. He was right.

Minho never liked liars.

“Okay then. I will.”

“Just one thing.”

For someone who was going to die soon by his hand, he sure asked a lot.

“What?”

“Never, never make him see Minho again.”

“Why?”

“Minho is cursed.”

He almost killed him on the spot just for saying this.

“What. Did. You. Say?”

“Minho is cursed. Everyone he likes is bounded to be hurt or to die.”

“No. I’m here. I’ll never leave him.”

Changbin just smiled.

“It’s because you’re the curse. The curse never leaves the person it decided to attach itself to.”

Chan didn’t like what he was implying.

“So please, promise me he will not see Minho anymore. Or not enough to be a victim again.”

“…I promise.”

Changbin let out a sigh of relief.

“Good.”

A pause.

“Now do your thing, little curse.”

Chan didn’t say anything anymore. He said too much to someone who wasn’t Minho already. He just made him swallow the pills quietly. And waited. Waited for him to fell asleep. He then proceeded to take the rope out, the tape and put everything in his bag.

When he did, he finally went downstairs. Turned on the gas. And went outside.

It was early in the morning already. They should wake up soon now.

He didn’t need to go too far to hear the sound of broken glass.



Changbin has been right on a point, Seungmin was heartbroken. Devastated even. Apparently, he was the one who talked the most at his funerals. And he came back to school, sitting with them at lunch break as if nothing ever happened. But everyone just needed to see him look at the old pictures in his camera he never used and look at how he sometimes watched the chair Changbin usually seated down to eat to know he wasn’t okay. Lunch break got quiet. And Minho smiled was fading day by day.

Chan promised himself to find new friends for Minho. He needed them.

“You’ll never leave me, you right?”

“I promised, you remember? I don’t break my promises.”

And it’s true. He kept his promises. He visited Felix each day, one hour.

“What happened to the other boy who visited? Not that you aren’t nice Channie! But I miss him.”

Chan slowly looked at Felix, with the kindest smile he could muster. He promised he would be perfect to him. He will keep it.

“He went on a journey. He was happy to leave apparently.”

“Oh…Will he come back?”

“I’m sorry Felix, he will not.”

The reaper never gives back the lives he takes.





Second victim: Seo Changbin

Age:  Sixteen years old.

Status: Deceased.

Damages: Burned alive. The doctor who did the autopsy said he didn’t suffer. The explosion was too fast to make him feel anything.



Third victim: Lee Felix

Age:  Sixteen years old

Status: Alive.

Damages: Scarred for life. Has a “hole” in his cheek that will never totally heal. Luckily for him, the person who did this to him did a meticulous job, making the scar less “ugly” that it could be.

Amnesic. Doesn’t remember anything in his life except his name and how to speak Korean. Forgot most of his English somehow.

If you asked him, he will frown and say that the only thing he remembers is that someone made him love the language because it was the one this person spoke.

Chapter Text

Visiting Felix every day until he got discharged was annoying.

Not just because the guy forgot almost everything, not even because nobody wanted to see him except Chan, his parents couldn’t stand seeing their son not being their son anymore and except medical fees, they didn’t visit him once after the diagnosis. Chan asked him if he was okay with that which he only responded with “I don’t know them. I know I should feel sad about it, but how can I be sad to not see people I don’t know?” and Chan couldn’t argue with that.

No, the reason he was really unhappy about it was that he couldn’t go back home with Minho anymore. And even if Minho didn’t say anything about that, when did he ever complain in his life, after all, he knew he was sad. Minho was feeling lonely, and there was nothing he could do. One, because he was here, with Felix, since he made a promise he had to keep to a now dead guy. Two, because he didn’t have friends except him and Seungmin anymore.

And finding new friends for Minho was harder than before. People started to talk. People started to say Minho was cursed.

To say the least, Chan didn’t like this word. But he couldn’t prevent people to talk; he couldn’t make sure people didn’t believe that. How? In the span of a few months, something awful happened to someone he had a crush on, and everyone knew that Minho didn’t act around Felix as he did to everyone else. It wasn’t like he had been obvious about it, he just wasn’t the same around him, and it was enough. And after that? One of his best friends died in a terrible “accident.”  And when some students who were in middle school with them talked about Jeongin and what happened, it all went down. The rumor got out. Minho, beautiful, perfect Minho wasn’t as perfect anymore. He was cursed. Nobody ever told him that to his face, because people still liked him, still admired him, still thought he was perfection in one body, but they didn’t want to be his friend anymore. And so, finding some for Minho became harder.

But maybe they were right, maybe Changbin had been right all along. Maybe he was Minho’s curse. At least he wasn’t a blessing, he realized that. If he didn’t cross his path all those years ago, Minho would probably be happier. Chan knew that. Everyone would be alive, without any damages. He would probably be having a lunch break with all of them, plus Jeongin who was probably older now, he will be treated as the youngest and people will dot on him. He wondered for a minute if he will still be admiring Minho with the same pure eyes, or if feelings, as pure but not as platonic, will have blossom in his heart.

Chan almost felt guilty. Not for everyone else, but for Minho. He deserved it. He deserved all of them. He deserved to have the happy perfect high school life. But he didn’t, because of Chan.

But Chan couldn’t help it. He couldn’t help to not really care at the end. Because if Chan was still here if Chan could keep Minho safe and well, close to him, he knew one day he could make him happy again. It’s okay. He can be his source of happiness later. He just needed to clear the way. He just needed to be sure that he had everything concerning Minho. He just had to collect more.

His collection was big. Hard to keep hidden. Sure, his parents, and Minho to a certain extent, knew about it in some way, but they didn’t know everything there was in this closet. Soon, it will be too small. He frowned when he thought about it. He will have to move out from his parents’ home soon. It’s okay, college was near. Just two more years to go. He could do it. Until then Chan just had two jobs, make Minho happy again, and take good care of Felix.

Felix was doing well. His face will never be “perfect” again, but Chan considered he did a good job cause the scar wasn’t as bad as it could be. Sure, it will be here all his life and sometimes people will probably look at him on the streets weirdly, but it could be worse. Chan will just have to make sure Felix felt confident in himself. He promised he would give Felix a good life, and he will keep it.

“Say, Chan, you have friends, right?”

“Yes, I do. Why?”

“Were they my friends as well?”

Ah, he knew where this was going.

“Yes.”

“So…Why do they never visit me?”

Felix looked a bit pained. But with a frown on his face, as if he knew he should be remorseful, but he couldn’t simply because he didn’t know who he should target with his hate.

“Well…You make them remember bad memories, I think.”

“Bad memories...? Was I such a bad friend?”

“No. Just... don’t ask. There are some things that it’s better for everyone you don’t remember.”

“…Okay.”

Felix frowned again. And Chan sighed, giving up.

“They feel responsible in some sort of way. They probably feel guilty about not visiting, but sometimes it’s better to take care of yourself before others.  Don’t take it personally. It’s better if you don’t try to remember them. For everyone, okay?”

Felix looked at him, surprised as if he didn’t think Chan would actually answer him. And then, after a second, he looked at him softly with a sad expression on his face. Felix smiled and just said “okay”.

“You’re here at least, I don’t need anyone else.”

Chan looked at him for a second. He was still lying on a bed hospital, the treatment was doing well, but he will probably have to stay longer here, time to make him able to live in society once again. It could still take years before it happened. But more than everything else, he was probably lonely. He will have to find him, new friends, as well.

“Yeah. I’ll be there for you. I promised.” Felix looked surprised at that.

“You did? When?”

Chan smiled softly.

“Not to you.”

Yes, taking care of Felix was annoying, but he promised. And Minho still doesn’t like liars.

A few months after Changbin’s death, nothing had really changed. Minho still tried to smile at lunch breaks, Seungmin still looked at old pictures in his camera, and Chan was still trying to get new friends for Minho. Chan was looking at Seungmin critically. He wasn’t useful in his group anymore. He didn’t make Minho happy. Even worse, he was making Minho unhappy. And Chan could care less if he was, but Minho did. And that was the problem. Minho liked Seungmin, he considered him as his friend, so he just couldn’t tell him to back off and never come back. Minho will be even more depressed about that. And he couldn’t make Minho feel even more unhappy now.

Minho looked very tired these last few months. Maybe people talked about him behind his back, but Minho wasn’t stupid. He noticed things. Sure, the admirers were still there, but they never came to him directly anymore. People talked to him less. And if Chan wasn’t in his classes, he will probably be a loner. The thing is, nobody talked with him much, except Chan, the teachers, and Seungmin.

Seungmin just seemed to not care about anything anymore. Chan didn’t grasp at what point he actually liked Changbin. It wasn’t love, he was sure of that. But a deep-rooted friendship, destroyed in just one night. Seungmin didn’t have time to say goodbye or to mourn properly. And even more, he didn’t have anyone to share his feelings with. Sure, Minho and Chan were here, but it seemed like he didn’t want to talk about that with them, not about Changbin, not about the accident, not about Felix. Well, Felix was a taboo in general, but Chan was sure the word “Changbin” hasn’t been pronounced in their group of friends since his death. And that’s probably why there was such a bad mood between them. They didn’t talk about what mattered.

Chan thought that, if he couldn’t throw Seungmin out, maybe he could just introduce new people, but once again, nobody wanted to talk to Minho. He just didn’t know what to do.

And it was once again at this table, at the same one that caused Changbin’s death and Felix’s amnesia, that Seungmin did say what his own downfall.

It was a simple conversation. Minho was trying again to be joyful, to make sure everything was right as if everything was at least. Giving a couple jokes here and there and talking about papers they had to work on. Just the usual stuff. Sure, it was forced, and Minho’s smile was as fake as Chan’s made-up personality, but he was trying. And apparently, this day, Seungmin didn’t want anyone to try.

“I saw Felix today.”

Chan looked up from his meal, surprised. The F-word was prohibited here. If it’s been since Changbin’s death they didn’t talk about Changbin, except when Changbin was here Felix hadn’t been mentioned once in probably something like 4 months. And he wasn’t even the dead one. Chan glanced at Minho, he paled a bit. And Chan worried.

“Oh…You did?” There was a bit of uncertainty in his voice as if he didn’t really know how to take this new information.

“Yup. Doesn’t remember me at all, as expected.” There was so much indifference in his voice, it made Chan frowned. It was strange.

“Ah, yeah?”

“Yeah. He didn’t know about Changbin’s death, can you imagine? I told him.”

Chan looked up as fast as he could. Not good. He didn’t want Felix to know. Not now. Felix clearly started to really like Changbin, even with amnesia, this time more as a friend than anything else, but he didn’t need that for his well-being right now. He sighed internally, it will be hard to make him happy if Seungmin tried to ruin it for him.

“He wasn’t as unhappy as he should be, you know. He just looked surprised. A bit sad after a while, but not that sad. As if, as if Changbin’s death didn’t count as much as it should to him.”

Seungmin looked angry at first but more than that... Sungmin looked helpless. As if the only solution to a problem he thought a lot he could find wasn’t as good as he thought at first. There was more to it.

Minho clearly looked uncomfortable. First of all, they mentioned Felix and Changbin at the same time, while they didn’t mention at least one of them once in 5 months, but more than that, Seungmin’s attitude made him uneasy. It was unusual. Not only was it the first true emotions they saw on Seungmin’s face for months, but it was also the kind of emotions they weren’t used to even before all of this happened. Minho probably didn’t know what to do or say. And Chan didn’t know how to analyze the situation, didn’t know how to make sure Minho was fine at the end. And that was the scariest part for Chan. Because there were some chances Minho will not get out of conversation undamaged.

“He asked me if we were friends before. He didn’t even ask me more about Changbin, no, he asked about me. But who cares? Changbin is the one who died, and he was his fucking boyfriend. Why doesn’t he care?!”

Chan sighed again, the damages were going to be big. If Seungmin was as angry with Felix as he was now, Felix will probably feel guilty, and he will ask questions. And that’s what Chan didn’t want to. It was important for his happiness that he stayed as ignorant as possible on the events that preceded his accident. Especially about them, especially about Changbin.

“He’s amnesic Seungmin, it’s not his fault.” Chan tried to say that as nicely as he could muster right now. He wanted Seungmin to be less…Angry. Minho’s well-being was at risk. But he didn’t. Even worse, his words seemed to anger him even more and he looked straight up in his eyes.

“Why you didn’t tell him?! I know, I know you go see him! He told me. So why?”

“Do you really think it was good for him to tell him now? Felix isn’t the one who died, Seungmin, he’s the one we should take care of and not attack him like you just did!”

Minho looked at him, surprised. Chan was always calm, and never got angry. That’s what who he was. But he had to, it felt like the situation asked for a little anger. Seungmin needed to calm down, he needed to stop right now, before it was too late.

Seungmin looked at him, with so much hate in his eyes, but he stayed silent. At least, he did for two seconds.

“He should have been here for his funerals.”

“Seungmin. The Felix you saw isn’t the same. This Felix wasn’t Changbin’s boyfriend. He wasn’t the one who fell in love with your best friend, leave him alone.”

“…Why are you protecting him like this? You didn’t even like him before.”

Chan looked surprised at that, but Seungmin just snorted.

“Please. You had so much hatred in your eyes while looking at him sometimes. We both know why. What changed?”

“…Nothing. He just needed someone.” Seungmin just rolled his eyes.

“Right. He seemed to like you a lot, more than before. Became true buddies now am I right?”

Chan was starting to get angry. Not because of what Seungmin was saying, but because Minho looked like he will be happy to be anywhere but there. It wasn’t good. Not at all.

“Anyways it’s not like it changes anything. Changbin is still dead, and you both still don’t care, nobody does apparently. Such friends he had.”

“Listen, Seungmin, I…” and probably Minho should have stayed quiet. Because if he did, maybe everything that happened after this would not have happened. Seungmin looked sharply at Minho and talked, no, spat:

“You. You, you shut up. You’re the worst. Felix almost died? You don’t care you don’t go see him, weren’t you supposed to like him? Not enough. But you send your nice little best friend to take care of him for you? Aren’t you disgusted by yourself sometimes, Lee Minho? You don’t have a best friend you have a slave. You’re the actual worst, aren’t you? You cursed demon.”

“…Cursed?”

“Oh! He didn’t know. You never told him, Chan? That’s your nickname. The cursed one. Don’t you see? Everyone around you is dying or mourning. The ones who mourn are the ones who will die tomorrow. You should feel lucky I’m still here you know? You’re disgusting.”

Seungmin had a maniacal laugh. Amongst the ones people have when they have a breakdown. Everyone who looked at the situation will understand that Seungmin didn’t really mean what he said. That tomorrow he will probably apologize, which he did, but it was too late. The damages were done.

Minho knew what people were saying behind his back.

More than that, Minho, for the first time, had actual hate directed at him. He wasn’t used to that because nobody did before Seungmin. And Chan knew what that meant, he knew way too well.

It was a memory.

And Chan snapped once again, for the third time.

But now wasn’t the time to think about how he will collect it later, no, now was the time to make sure Minho was okay.

Minho looked at Seungmin with big round eyes. He didn’t know what to do obviously. But more than that, he was pained.

“I…Okay.” Minho took a deep breath. “I’m gonna leave for now. Chan, see you in class.” Chan opened his mouth to protest but Minho interrupted him “No. Seungmin…See you tomorrow. Okay?”

Seungmin stopped laughing for a moment, probably realizing finally what happened and what he said. He looked guilty for a second but just nodded. Minho sighed.

“Okay. See you.” And he left, just like that.

Chan knew him too well. He knew he was going to cry. And it bothered him to not be able to comfort him this time, probably because of what Seungmin said, and it made him so angry. He couldn’t do something for the most important person in his life because of one damn person. He looked back slowly at Seungmin, fixed him right into his eyes and mustered the coldest glare he could do.

“I hope you’re happy.”

And that’s it. Seungmin opened his eyes wide and was about to say something when someone interrupted them.

“Hmm, Bang Chan? Can I talk to you, please?”

They both slowly looked at the newcomer, and clearly, Chan was sure their expressions weren’t welcoming. But Chan looked at him, how he bit his lips, how he looked uneasy. He knew what it was. A confession.

Someone chose today to confess. Really. He had other things to do, like how to make sure Seungmin regretted what he said, and how he will collect his tongue, the tool responsible for everything he just said. It will be hard to do honestly, cause as much as the police gave up on finding clues to him, he knew he was still on the watchlist. If he was just a bit involved like he had been with Felix, he could be in trouble for real this time. And Minho, Minho needed him. He couldn’t get caught. It will break him apart to know the truth.

But still, someone wanted to confess. And Chan had a reputation to hold. So, he put on his best smile and just said “okay”. He glanced at Seungmin one last time, cold, without any mask on, and followed the guy to where he was taking him.

Apparently, he chose a very commonplace to confess, behind the school, near the gates the teachers took. It was smart, there wouldn’t be many people around at this hour.

Once they arrived, the guy turned back and looked at him, a bit flushed. Chan was pretty sure he was supposed to be good-looking. He had all the features, small face, pinky lips, fair skin, and cute eyes. He wasn’t as perfect looking as Minho, but saying he was objectively uglier would be a lie. He was just really handsome, his face was just softer overall, while Minho’s one was sharper. He was a bit more angelic, while not being as androgynous as Felix was. Also, the guy was tall. Taller than him at least. Taller than Minho as well.

If Chan looked at him a bit more, he could almost recognize him. He wasn’t sure where he saw him, but he knew the boy was around a lot. Probably in the same year as him, just not in the same class. Maybe they had one in common? He couldn’t tell. The only thing he was sure of was that he wasn’t a Minho’s admirer. Or he would have remembered him, for sure.

The boy was nervous. And Chan wanted this to be as fast as possible, so he put on his best kind encouraging expression and waited. But the boy didn’t seem impressed by it or more at ease. Strange. It usually what people who confessed to him liked the most. Maybe he was just too nervous to realize.

“I…First, my name is Hwang Hyunjin, we’re…. we’re the same age.”

“Okay Hyunjin, what can I do for you?” He still tried to be as nice as he could.

“Oh! Oh, I think you know. I just wanted to say that I have a crush on you…. I-I love you…”

Chan looked at Hyunjin strangely. It wasn’t how people confessed usually. People liked to say everything they liked about him, how awesome he was, how nice, how they felt when this one time he gave them back a pen which dropped on the floor. People don’t just, confess. But okay, maybe he was shy.

“Oh, well, I’m sorry Hyunjin but…” he didn’t have time to finish his sentence that Hyunjin interrupted him:

“Oh, I know! You love Minho, right? I know. Just…I wanted to be your friend? You’re searching for new friends for him. If…If it makes me closer to you I can totally be his friend. If you want. I’ll be a good one I promise.”

Chan shut up instantly at that. No, it wasn’t normal. The guy looked determined as if what he said wasn’t abnormal at all. Was he that obvious? He tried his best to keep his persona up, maybe these last few months were a bit harder to do so.

“Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about Hyunjin. I-“

“Don’t put your face on with me! You don’t need it! It’s okay, I love you without it, I love you, not that. I know, it’s okay.”

Chan was speechless. He just opened his eyes, wide. How did this guy know that?

“I-I know what you did to Felix. It’s okay I won’t tell anyone.  I promise, don’t hate me! Just, I know. You don’t have to put up a front with me it’s okay, I love you like this.”

And then Hyunjin dared to show one of the happiest smiles Chan ever saw someone giving him. As if he just didn’t confess to saw something as horrible as he did. Chan knew for a fact his actions weren’t common, that it wasn’t normal. How did he know? Why does he like it even?

“Listen, I don’t-“

“I saw you! You cut off his cheek, right? You made him sleep. I saw. It’s okay Chan I won’t tell anyone, I love you like this.”

“You…saw me?”

“Yes! I…huh, followed you? But I’ve done it for a while now, it’s okay you never noticed! I’m very discreet, hehe”

A stalker. Chan got confessed by a stalker. How fitting when he thought about it.

Well, it explained a lot. Hyunjin was fucked up in his head as well apparently. That’s probably why he didn’t find his actions abnormal. Or maybe he did. And that’s why he loved him.

“…Since when?”

“Did I start following you? Oh years!!! I saw you cut…What was his name again? Yeongjin?”

“Jeongin.”

“Right! Jeongin. You looked so awesome, so cool. The expression on your face was the best. I just wanted to see you do things like that once more. But you know how long you made me wait? So long.”

Hyunjin pouted a bit at that while Chan cursed himself for how stupid he was. Of course, someone had seen him, how dumber could he get. He just was lucky the only one who saw him was crazy.

“Why now? Why confess now?”

“The look you gave to Seungmin, how Minho left…. You seemed to need help. And I tried to be subtle at first you know! I wanted you to go to me first because I really did everything you asked for someone to be Minho’s friend! Not his admirer. Handsome. Having at least one shared interest with him-

“What is it?”

“Dancing! Being a kind person. I also have a clean history, no problems, nothing. But you never did.”

Well ironically Chan would have to say that it probably was his psychopath sixth sense telling him to not pick for him, but in fact, he had no clue why he didn’t. Because Hyunjin was actually right. It was what he was searching for when he wanted Minho to have new friends. If Chan had been a bit saner, maybe he would have been creeped out, but Chan was Chan. And if he hadn’t been close since day one with Minho, he would probably have done the same.

“So,” Hyunjin hummed, “I promise I’ll be a good friend. How is it? I’ll do anything else if you ask! I just want to be close to you.” He seemed desperate.

And that’s when Chan got an idea. A wonderful one, one that would make it way easier to collect Seungmin’s memory. So, he smiled.

“Anything?”

“Of course! I promise!”

“Good.”

This confession would make his life easier.

“Make Kim Seungmin fall in love with you.”

Truly, he couldn’t wait for his life to get a bit better.





The good thing about Hyunjin was that he didn’t ask any questions. He just looked surprised for a second and said “okay.” And the following day, after getting Minho’s back and making sure he was okay, spoiler alert he wasn’t, Chan introduced Hyunjin to their table. All things considered, maybe he should have waited a bit. The tension was horrible and Minho and Seungmin needed to talk, badly. Which they did, but after school, behind Chan’s back. He wasn’t really happy about it but that’s what Minho asked Seungmin, so he didn’t say anything more. Chan didn’t know what they talked about but the next day everything was brighter at lunch break, so he wasn’t complaining.

Hyunjin got into his work right away. Chan was sure it would not take him long to make him fell in love with him. Hyunjin was handsome, angelic. And he truly had the personality of an actual angel. Or maybe it was just what he wanted others to think, he wasn’t sure, but nonetheless, his presence made things better. Especially for Minho. Minho seemed to really like him. And it made Chan’s happy. And making Chan happy was what Hyunjin wanted. Everything was good.

Hyunjin worked well on what Minho liked and didn’t, Chan was a bit iffier about that because it meant he also stalked Minho a bit. Though, he wasn’t surprised. Stalking Chan meant stalking Minho to a certain point, not just because they were always together, but also because how much Chan loved him. If you wanted to please Chan, you had to make sure to know Minho well. At least that’s what Hyunjin told him when he asked.

And Hyunjin, Hyunjin did his best to make Seungmin fell. It wasn’t hard. Seungmin needed affection a lot these days, which Hyunjin gave. He needed attention as well, which Hyunjin gave him as well. He needed someone to talk to about Changbin, Hyunjin gave again. Whatever Seungmin needed, wanted, he gave out. That plus a couple of smiles, gentle touches, and soft gazes, and Seungmin was a goner.

It took Hyunjin one month to make him fall. Chan was almost impressed.

And Minho could see it as well, judging by the teasing jokes he made sometimes, or the smirks he had. Chan was happy. Minho was going back to his old self. He had a new friend, and Seungmin was going to die soon, Chan had no reasons to feel like things were going to be bad.

When it was sure Seungmin was utterly in love with Hyunjin, and Chan witnessed Felix and Changbin has fallen in love he could see the signs anywhere, he shared his plan with Hyunjin.

“You will be the one to send a message. Say you have something to tell him and to come to your house. Also, tell him to not say anything to anyone, he will do as you say. Then when both of you are home and he does the thing: cut him and destroy the phone. It’s very important. Make sure no one is at home at that moment. Be sure it’s late enough at night and tell him to cover himself up a lot. Just in case we will take his clothes and we could say it was me. I’ll be your alibi and you’ll be mine. Also, we will make sure nobody finds him. Okay, all good?”

“Yes! I just have a question.”

“Sure, go on.”

“I know it would make things easier to make him love me, but Seungmin is the kind to listen to his friends in general, right? If it’s enough important. We could have done something earlier.”

Chan gave him a small smile.

“You remember when you confessed to me the first time?” Hyunjin gave a small nod. “What he said this day wasn’t just a memory to collect. It was unforgivable. He must suffer for his sins. Do you realize the betrayal and the pain, when he sees you doing this to him?”

“Oh!” Hyunjin smiled “I get it! It’s almost like revenge.”

“No, not revenge.”

Chan smiled even more.

“It’s fate.”





It was too easy.

Seungmin came without asking any questions, and apparently without telling anyone. Chan just had to wait for him to enter Hyunjin’s house, get behind him and put the tape on his mouth and the scarf over his eyes.

Chan thought he was starting to get used to this seeing how fast he had been while doing so. The hardest part was to tie his hands and legs up, with how much Seungmin was struggling. He almost wanted to knock him off, it would be easier, even to cut off his tongue but if he did Seungmin will not suffer enough. And that’s not what he wanted.

After tying up the struggling boy, they, with difficulties went up the stairs, towards Hyunjin’s room. And they put him on the bed tying him up once again, this time to the bed.

Chan waited a minute or two, watching Seungmin trying to get off the ropes, still probably not really getting what was happening to him in the first place.

Then he gave a small sign towards Hyunjin, and he pulled the scarf off his eyes. Seungmin blinked a few times, trying to adjust his eyes to the light, and then looked at Hyunjin and Chan, surprise and confusion written all over his face. Chan smiled.

“Hi, Seungmin,”  He then made a pause.

“You may wonder what is happening. Well, to be short, we’re going to kill you.” Chan was still smiling, as if he was telling a small joke, and not that he was going to kill his victim. Seungmin clearly panicked at those words.

“Ah, you should just accept it. A bit like Changbin did. It's hopeless, you know? No one is going to save you.”

Seungmin just stared at Chan, eyes wide opened, still trying to grasp the situation he was in. He then looked at Hyunjin with pleading eyes. But he just smiled

“Oh, don’t look at me like that, I’m not the one in charge! If you wanna plead someone just do it to Chan but between me and you, I don’t think he will spare you, hehe,” And then he laughed. Hyunjin laughed in his face, and Seungmin looked broken.

Betrayed. Like Chan wanted him to feel. Clearly, it was a good day. He felt happy for once, and Minho wasn’t even here.

“Let’s get started. Hyunjin, grab the knife please.”

“Yes, sir!”

Hyunjin hummed happily while doing so, still happy to please Chan. And Seungmin just looked at them, disbelief and betrayal written all over his face. Good. Perfect.

“Now, as we said.”

“Ah, the throat first?”

“Yes. We don’t want him to scream, don’t we?”

“Yup!”

“Be careful, we don’t want him to die too soon.”

Hyunjin looked at Seungmin, softly, as he used to while trying to seduce him.

“It will hurt a bit okay? It’s okay. Soon everything will be over,”

He then proceeded to stab him right in the throat. Seungmin eyes rolled back instantly, and the only thing they could see was the white of his eyes. Chan frowned a bit. He hoped he would look at Hyunjin the entire time he was going to cut his tongue off. Well too bad. Maybe just knowing about it was enough. He sighed a bit.

The blood started to flow through the cut as soon as he stabbed. It was more violent than what Chan saw before with Jeongin and Felix, and the only thing he could think of was how hard it would be to clean off after. The blood was flooding everywhere, especially on Hyunjin’s hand who looked disgusted at the sight.

“Too much blood.” Chan sighed, once again.

“Hyunjin. The knife. Let him be there or there would be even more blood. Take the next one.”

“Ah right! Seungmin? Seungmin, Seungmin you’re still here?”

Seungmin didn’t respond. Or didn’t move at all. He wasn’t dead, Chan was sure of that, his chest was still moving up and down and he was still having some spasms, but it seemed like the shock of the stabbed had been too much for him.

“Oh…Too bad. Well, I’m getting rid of the tape, I hope it’s okay with you!” Chan looked at Hyunjin quickly. “Wait a minute Hyunjin don’t stay this clo-“

Too late. Seungmin spat blood all over Hyunjin’s face. And if he was disgusted before, it was even worse now. He was about to open his mouth, probably to scream when Chan just said “Don’t you dare scream, Hyunjin. Am I clear?”

He then closed his mouth, looked at Chan with a sad pout, uttered a quiet sorry and kept doing his job. This time Seungmin was looking at him. Well, Chan wasn’t sure if he was really looking. He had such emotionless eyes, if Chan didn’t check his chest often to see if he was breathing, Chan probably would have thought he died. Seungmin was still breathing though.

Hyunjin puts his left hand in Seungmin’s bloody mouth with still a revolted expression on his face. Hyunjin didn’t like to dirty himself in general. With his other hand, he grabbed Seungmin’s face, making sure it didn’t fall while doing his job. When Hyunjin finally grabbed his tongue, he left his face, pulled out the second knife and with a sharp movement, cut it. Seungmin didn’t react this time.

Chan sighed. Seungmin didn’t suffer enough and he was out most of the time. But he didn’t complain too much. Everything except that went as planned. Hyunjin showed him Seungmin’s tongue, smiling brightly wiggling the flesh around as if it was a trophy. Chan smiled a bit.

“Hyunjin. Put the tongue in the jar, it’s in my backpack. Grab your blanket and put Seungmin on it. I’ll do everything else, just go wash.”

“Okay!”

“And Hyunjin?”

“Yes?”

“You did a great job.”

If Hyunjin was happy before it was nothing next to the expression he was giving him now. He was glowing.

“Th-thank you! I’ll do even better in the future!”

“You do that. Now, go wash, you’re covered in blood.”

“Yes!”

Chan looked at him go, happily, as if a murder wasn’t happening in his room. Chan looked at Seungmin once again, this time on the floor. He was almost dead at this point. Chan proceeded to grab his pink gloves and went next to Seungmin. He undressed him, slowly, while he was still alive.

“Sorry, I’ll probably need these clothes later. We never know.”

Of course, no answer.

“Now, Seungmin,” he said while looking at his face “it’s time to die.”

He grabbed the knife, still in his throat, and then, with a sharp movement, cut through the throat. Seungmin throws a bit more blood one last time, and then he simply died. Like this.

Chan would not miss him.

Chan proceeded to cut off his head first. He had to cut everything up into small pieces and he knew it would take him a while. So, he did the head first. It was easier to grab the eyes and destroy them, the head was made of smaller parts easier to cut. The flesh was tender and easy to cut through.

The entire body had been harder though. The bones were harder to cut, and Chan regretted to not have taken a butcher knife like he did with Jeongin. It was a mess of blood, flesh, and bones. The worst part was when the room started to smell. He knew he had to act fast because if he didn’t just the smell of the corpse will be enough to give away what happened there. So that’s what he did, he went faster. Hyunjin was already complaining.

When he finally cut the entire body in small pieces, small enough to put them with the blanket in a huge shopping bag, he gave it to Hyunjin.

“Go next to the river, at the spot we talked about earlier. There’s a shovel there. Shove and hide the bag. Nobody must find so be sure it’s deep enough and put things on top of it. Nobody must find it. Am I clear?”

“Yes, sir!”

“Good. You have 2 hours before people start to go out. Be fast. I’m gonna clean this mess. See you soon don’t be late.”

“I won’t!”

It wasn’t the most perfect plan Chan had dreamed of, but it was something. And until now he did everything well enough to not get caught.

And that’s exactly what happened. He didn’t get caught. Even better, this time, nobody found the corpse. No suspects. No clues. Nothing. It was as if Seungmin disappeared one day, and no one knew where he went. Except for Chan and Hyunjin.

Chan couldn’t believe his plan worked that well. He wondered if it was because Hyunjin was there, with him this time. Clearly, this kind of work got easier to do if he wasn’t alone. Good. Having someone like him next to him could only make things better for him in the future.

The best part in all of that? Minho wasn’t too unhappy about Seungmin disappearing into thin air. Sure, he was worried, but not too bothered. Maybe it was because nobody was sure what happened, maybe because the events weren’t as tragic as before, or maybe it was just relief, relief of not having someone making him remember every two seconds of what happened before. But Chan didn’t care, the only thing he knew was that Minho wasn’t as unhappy as he could be, and it made him happier. And since he was, Hyunjin was as well. So the mood while eating this time, was merrier than before.

It was as if Seungmin never existed.

Sure, people talked even more after that, but Chan didn’t care. He was here, never leaving his side. And now there was Hyunjin, Hyunjin who probably will never do the same mistakes as the others did because he truly knew who Chan was and what he was capable of. The future looked brighter. Who cared about the others? High school will finish soon anyway, just two years to go.

Seungmin death wasn’t as dramatic and impactful on Minho’s life as the other events could have been but still. Chan knew, after all, Minho thought it was once again someone he loved dearly leaving him. And even if he wasn’t too sad about it this time, he still looked pained.

“Say, Chan, you still see Felix, right?”

“Yes, I do.”

“…Is he doing fine?”

“He’s getting better day by day.”

“It’s good.”

There was a pause.

“Do…Do you think I should go see him?”

“Minho. It’s okay, he doesn’t remember you, you don’t have to do anything.”

He sighed.

“Still. He was my friend once, maybe Seungmin was right. I should care more.”

“No. You will not go see Felix just because you feel like you have to. He doesn’t need this pity and you know that.”

“Yeah…You’re right.”

And that was the end of this topic. But still, Chan knew what he was trying. To not leave others like they did to him. But it was okay, he shouldn’t worry so much about all of this.

Because I’ll stay forever by your side.





Fourth victim: Kim Seungmin

Age:  Sixteen years old

Status: Unknown.

Damages: Unknown.

Chapter Text

With time, Chan realized that Hyunjin was as annoying as he was useful.

If he had to compare him with something, Chan would say that Hyunjin was an overly affectionate dog. Dogs want to please their masters because they love them and as such, will do absolutely anything for them, to make sure everything in their lives go as they wished them to. That’s where the useful part came from. Hyunjin was doing his absolute best to do everything Chan asked him for, even the more dangerous and… illegal ones. What Hyunjin did to Seungmin with no hesitations at all, for example. But that wasn’t the only thing.

Hyunjin knew people, and not very respectable ones either. When Chan asked about it, Hyunjin just smiled and told Chan he got in touch with them just for him, because one day he will need something that he will not be able to find in legal ways, and that day, Hyunjin would give Chan a solution and whatever else he needed. Hyunjin was there for Chan, always. Chan suspected all of this was for him, to never leave him behind because Hyunjin knew that in the end, Chan will never consider him more than a tool. So if he could be the useful one then, maybe Chan would keep him for a little longer. And Chan did in fact, find him useful.

Firstly, Hyunjin was too loyal to betray Chan. Hyunjin was too far gone in his craziness for even considering betrayal, and Chan thought Hyunjin would hate himself too much for even thinking about betraying him. Hyunjin loved Chan. Maybe as much as Chan loved Minho except Hyunjin wasn’t jealous, and Chan never really asked about it. He didn’t want to implant the idea in his mind. Hyunjin was crazy, and if he could keep it away from Minho, sweet perfect Minho, then all will be okay. But Chan guessed he was just considering Minho as something precious to Chan, and if something was precious to him, then it was precious to Hyunjin as well. Actually, he had this reaction to his collection when he showed him. He thought it was beautiful, and Chan felt a bit of happiness at that. A weird kind of happiness, Chan thought he was just proud. But since he never felt this emotion before, he couldn’t tell.

Second, the fact that Hyunjin helped him with growing his collection. Since Hyunjin did everything he asked him to do, Chan just needed to tell Hyunjin what he wanted, and he got it a bit later. He never questioned about the ways he got them for him, but he guessed it was a bit how Hyunjin did his seduction as well; manipulation, and stealing. Hyunjin was beautiful and very popular, which helped when he needed to get everything Chan wanted. But the only things he wanted to have, was now what Chan asked him to give him. Chan wondered if he should stop using him so much, but Hyunjin looked, in fact, happy to do all of that for him, and who was Chan to keep him away from his happiness? The people he knew, the unrespectable ones, were useful as well. Sometimes things were easier to steal directly from someone’s home and Chan didn’t want to be put in prison anytime soon. However, since Hyunjin was here things got easier. He just had to ask for something, and the next morning or a few days after, he got it.

Chan was curious about how Hyunjin paid them. Turned out, Hyunjin’s family was immensely rich. From what, he didn’t really know. When he asked, Hyunjin just smiled again and said it was because of what his father did he was able to know a lot of people. He didn’t pry into further. It could mean a lot of things, but it certainly meant illegal ones.

Overall, Hyunjin was useful. But he was annoying. Very annoying in fact. Because as dogs want to please their masters, they want just one thing back, affection. And Hyunjin almost begged for it.

Most of the time, a smile here and there was enough, a “good work” was enough to make his all week better, grabbing his hand with his one was enough for a whole month. But as dogs receive more affection, they get greedier, and after one more task Chan had given him, acquiring a precious object from a girl he already forgot the name of, Hyunjin finally asked:

“Chan…Can I ask for a reward this time?”

And Chan probably should have seen it coming. He should have. Dogs were greedy, and you can’t ask for so many things from someone without them wanting something in exchange at one point or another, even if they loved you as much as Chan loved Minho. Yes, Hyunjin loved him as much as Chan did to Minho, but he still felt things towards others aside from Chan. He was crazy, not a sociopath. So, he just sighed.

“What is it?”

“Can you give me a kiss? Pretty please?”

Hyunjin was smiling, with all his teeth showing as he always did, but this time the subtle blush was creeping up on his cheeks, and Chan could see Hyunjin opening and closing his hands over and over again, a sign that he was nervous and anticipating. And Chan guessed that sometimes, to keep your dogs in line, you should give them little treats.

“Okay. Come here.”

He gave him a hand signal to get closer, and Hyunjin almost ran the two meters that separated them and nearly crashed into his chest. Hyunjin looked thrilled. So, Chan grabbed him by his shoulders and in one slow motion, laid his lips on Hyunjin’s ones.

It was a strange sensation, putting his lips on someone else’s ones. He knew the theory, you had to move them around, open your mouth if you get a bit bolder, but Chan didn’t think Hyunjin deserved that yet, and hey, he didn’t ask for more. So, they just stayed like that for a moment, lips against lips, and Chan frowned a bit.

He felt nothing at all. But what did he expect? Chan never felt anything except when his collection or Minho was involved. It was just, strangely wet. Not uncomfortable, not pleasant either. Nothing at all. Maybe kissing Minho will be different. But Hyunjin? Nothing.

When they separated, Hyunjin looked even happier than before and just said: “thank you”. He was even a bit shy, all things considered, and Chan just hoped he would not ask for more for a while. Turned out he didn’t.

Yeah, Hyunjin was useful, too bad Chan never liked dogs in the first place.

Hyunjin was also useful when he had to visit Felix. Chan could introduce Felix to a new person, and clearly, he needed it. After Seungmin did damage on him, Felix has been disturbed for some weeks. He never fully disclosed what he said to him, but apparently, Seungmin accused him of being the cause of Changbin’s death, and kind of screamed at him.

“He,” Felix started, humming slightly before he continued,” he said he didn’t believe Changbin died in an accident. He said it was a suicide, and that I was the cause of it.”

When Chan heard that for the first time, Seungmin wasn’t dead yet. But he clearly wanted to make the process faster. The little pest made things too hard for Chan for a while. Felix now, with a scar on his face and amnesia, had trust issues. Chan had to reassure Felix that it was an accident. That Changbin wouldn’t be as selfish as to take his family lives with him to the graveyard. It took time, the time he could have used to make sure he was getting better, and to ease him back into society. But no. Coincidently, or maybe it was faith once again, he got better again after Seungmin’s death. Chan of course never mentioned it to Felix, but Chan did tell Felix he would never have to see Seungmin again.

Not too long after that, Felix was able to finally go out of the hospital ground for the first time. He went with him and Hyunjin to an amusement park for the occasion. Felix looked like a child discovering the world, and that was probably what had been feeling like at the time. Sure, some people looked at him strangely, some with curiosity while others with scared eyes, and sometimes even with disgust. But Chan made sure each time he didn’t see it. Felix had to be happy, had to have a good life. He promised, and he told that to Hyunjin as well.

At the end of the day, Felix was happier and glowing; some will even forget the ugly scar on his cheek while just looking at him smiling like that.

“Thank you, Chan, I’m happy I had a friend like you in my precedent life to follow me into this new one.”

He looked happy and Chan just smiled back. What didn’t people know couldn’t hurt them right? And Felix didn’t know much.

Minho asked about Felix sometimes. How he was, if his rehab was going well, and of course each time Chan answered honestly. Minho looked a bit happy to have news about him now, since his last talk about it with Chan, he seemed more at ease with Felix’s idea, and Chan was happy about it, it meant he accepted it. It meant he could get over it, it meant he finally could be happier and at ease. And Minho started to really smile again. And Chan couldn’t be happier. He missed his precious angel smiling like this. The only one who could draw out of him a real smile, not a fake one. Hyunjin seemed happy about it as well.

“Without Minho, I wouldn’t be able to see this expression on your face. Clearly, Minho is awesome!”

Chan gave up on trying to figure out how Hyunjin’s brain functioned. But if it could keep thinking Minho was awesome and not a target, he would not complain about it.

Minho seemed to get back a bit of his old popularity. Sure, the rumor was still around, but when 8 months without anything happening passed, people started to forget a bit all this story. Some even were starting to call out others for even believing it “come on, a curse? We’re not in a fantasy novel, get real” and things smoothed out. By the time they passed their year and got into the last year of high school, everyone forgot. By the time they graduated, Minho was a king again, a king people were sad to say goodbye to.

Nothing much happened in these last two years. Chan made sure nobody got close to him as before, Minho had him and Hyunjin and it was enough. He didn’t trust the others. No, the only things that happened were him having a bigger collection, him kissing Hyunjin sometimes, him making sure nobody hurts Minho. Nothing new.

But now, it was time for college, and college was a scary thing for Chan. Not because of all the paperwork, he had to do to enter the same college as Minho will choose, not because he had to live alone now, his collection was too big to be in just a closet now so it was time for a change. Chan needed more space. No, it was scary because he would not be able to protect Minho as much as before as he wasn’t able to get into the same courses as Minho did.

Minho wanted to dance. It was his childhood’s dream and something he wanted to pursue, he fought a lot with his parents to let him do it, at a point he had to accept to take two courses at the same time, one in dancing, one in finance. But he did it at the end. He made it. And when Chan asked if he wasn’t afraid of all the work burdens, he just smiled and said it was okay, everything was okay with him if it meant he could dance. Chan admired that about him, but Chan wasn’t a dancer and he cursed himself for not showing enough interest in it to justify himself going into the course. Additionally, Chan pursuing finance will make no sense at all since he clearly showed he disliked numbers. So, he couldn’t be with him as much as before, and it made his chest hurt. A new kind of pain he wasn’t used to. He never had the chance to miss Minho since he always was with him. He didn’t know how he will react for more than four days without seeing him. It never happened.

“It’s okay Chan, we will see each other a lot! We’ll live in the same building after all! And may I remind you that you’re the one who declined my proposition to live together because you wanted to live alone!”

It was the first time Chan cursed his collection. Sure, Minho was aware of a part of it, but Chan didn’t want him to find the more disturbing ones, and if Minho lived with him, there was a risk he would find it. He couldn’t risk Minho being disgusted with him, it was worse than not seeing him for more than a week.

Fortunately for him, Chan had Hyunjin now, and it just so happened that Hyunjin showed interest in dancing. Meaning he could pursue a dancing career and he could go with Minho into his course, which Chan couldn’t. And Chan trusted him enough to know that if Hyunjin was there nothing will happen to Minho. Hyunjin didn’t want to anger him after all. It reassured him a bit at this point, but not on the other course he will pursue. But he will take it for now. He had to let Minho go for a bit It was okay. He could do it. Minho will be happy after all.

He chose to study English instead. Felix was curious about his homeland, and these days English was coming back to him, the doctors said it was normal since it was one of the things he practiced the most since birth, and that one day Felix will probably be fluent again with a bit of practice. So, Chan thought getting better at it would not be too bad of an idea.

Felix still was in a rehab program, but he was getting a lot better. He was now studying to get a diploma that will give the equivalent of a high school study level. It was hard for him since he had forgotten most of the things people learn at school, but Felix was motivated and Chan was there to help.

A few months ago, he left the hospital to go back living with his parents. It was awkward back then, and still was, but you couldn’t blame him. Felix spent almost two years in a hospital without getting visited by his parents at least once. He didn’t remember these people, and they didn’t even try to get to know the new him. If you asked Chan, he didn’t change much but he guessed his own parents will disagree. But truthfully, he didn’t care. Them not visiting him made things harder with Felix back then, and now he wanted to go out of this house as fast as possible. And for that, he needed to “pass” high school and get a job.

When asked about what Felix wanted to do later, he frowned for a minute and said the only thing he said he wanted to do was to work in a tattoo shop. Chan almost lost his permanent smile on his face when he heard that. So, he asked why.

“Tattoos are pretty right? Isn’t it cool to see someone’s artwork on another human’s skin?”

He just nodded. Felix didn’t remember him, but it was with those little sentences he knew some things stayed inside his brain. The doctors were pessimistic about him recovering his entire memory one day, and if it could keep being like that, it would make things easier for him.

Long live the people who live in ignorance, they are the happiest people on earth.





So, no, getting into college wasn’t hard. Getting into the same college as Minho wasn’t hard. Keeping track of Felix while being in college wasn’t that hard. Keeping track of Minho wasn’t hard at all if Hyunjin was near, a bit harder when he wasn’t. Chan later had to befriend some people that studied finance with him to know a bit more about him, it was a bit harder but manageable. Making sure Minho was okay when he moved out from his parent’s house wasn’t hard, after all, Chan lived near him and if he needed anything he was there. Starting his new college life without Minho always near him was, in fact, hard. But it was okay Chan still talked with him every day, heard news about him through Hyunjin when he could every hour, and was seeing him at least every three days at most. It was hard but manageable. He could bear with it for four years, he truly could. He could bear with the fact new people will interact with him if they shared the same passion as him. He trusted Hyunjin to make sure the good ones will be friends with him and keep the bad ones away. And he knew Minho will not befriend many people from his other course, he disliked it after all. Really all okay. Except for one thing.

He didn’t expect to be less important than someone else in his life at any point.

Sure, Felix had been a bad crush, a crush that lasted for a long time even after the incident. But Chan was sure if he asked him to choose between him and Felix, Minho would have chosen him. Because Chan was his best friend, the one he could trust in everything. And nobody could replace him in his heart, Chan had no doubts on that, and maybe it’s one of the reasons he felt more reassured to let Minho go for a bit. How foolish.

Because even if he wasn’t replaced, sometimes, others will be more important than him in his life. Because in his first year of college, Minho fell in love for the first time. Not a crush this time, but love.

His name was Han Jisung, and Chan found out too late of who he indeed was to him to make sure Minho didn’t fall.

He knew who he was before meeting him. Minho never stops his habit to tell his all day to Chan every day and even gave him more details every three days. So, he knew about Han Jisung, the guy from the “Music production” degree who he got paired with to make a choreography out of a song he produced. He knew how excited he was for this project, and how “Jisung’s music sounds so nice Channie you will love it I promise!”, he knew just by the way Minho talked about him that he already had affection towards him. He asked Hyunjin about it. He said he was inoffensive and just passionate about music and production, so he let it go.

For a while he just heard his name here and there, in a conversation like when watching a movie and a child actor puffing his cheeks “oh you know Jisung looked like a squirrel when does that, it’s very cute” or when talking about college “Jisung doesn’t think the beats he created match my way of dancing very well, so he made it over and over again. But I have to change the choreography at the same time! Why can’t he understand that?!” or even while going out together “oh, did you know what you just took is Jisung’s favorite ice cream? He can’t go out without getting it, silly” but he didn’t think too much of it. Minho liked to talk about the people he appreciated, and he probably did the same with him to this “Jisung” so he didn’t care. He should have. He should have seen the signs way earlier. But maybe he trusted Hyunjin too much, maybe he was focusing himself on his studies, after all, Minho will be disappointed in him if he failed and it actually was something he will benefit from it later for Felix, but he didn’t pay enough attention, and not paying enough attention to Minho was a sin.

And that’s probably why faith decided to curse him this time. When he met the infamous Han Jisung, it was already too late.

It was at the college’s festival. Minho had to show to his entire school the choreography he created in front of everyone. To say he was nervous was an understatement. He was almost dying.

“But Chan, imagine I do a mistake and I can’t improvise on the spot? I’ll make a fool out of myself in front of everyone! And die. Probably. On the spot.”

Chan sighed but told him how perfect he was, how he will not fail. How everyone will swoon while looking at him. But it wasn’t enough as Minho was still a nervous mess and everything Chan could do was watching him because he wasn’t listening. It happened sometimes. It didn’t make him feel good about how useless he was, but he couldn’t do anything about it. The only thing he could do was making sure Minho didn’t hurt himself accidentally, because he didn’t pay enough attention to his surroundings.

Until Han Jisung appeared, opening the door noisily and making a show of himself instantly captivating all intention from the people in the room.

“Hello!”

Chan’s first impression of him was that he was loud and obnoxious. He looked through the room, searching for someone, he knew a few seconds later it was Minho, and when he found him. He made a big heart-shaped smile and waved his hand. He almost ran towards them and screamed Minho’s name as if the devil was chasing him. Chan double checked, it didn’t. Chan looked at Minho briefly to see if he was comfortable with this attitude but apparently, he didn’t mind. He frowned a bit. Minho never really liked bringing this much attention to himself if he wasn’t on the stage. Maybe he got used to it with this guy.

“So? How are you? All prepared to dance to my song?”

That’s at this moment Chan realized who this guy was, Han Jisung. Everything he learned through Minho made a bit more sense now, the squirrel look, the hats, and the brown hair. But Chan could do without him right now, him mentioning all of that to Minho will not make him feel better. But surprisingly, Minho calmed down a bit.

“I’m…Not good. What if I mess up?” Minho spoke so softly Chan almost didn’t hear. He frowned again. It wasn’t normal behavior from him. Usually, nervousness made Minho more…giddy, not this calm.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’ll be dancing on my track; you can only do good with such a good song, right?”

There was a bit of teasing glinting in his eyes, but his expression was soft. But more surprisingly, it worked. Minho calmed down.

And even more than that, they started to act and talk as if Chan had never been there. It never happened with Minho before. After a few minutes of that, Chan still looking at the pair, getting farther away from him, to talk privately apparently, that he realized.

Minho was in love. Minho was in love and judging by the other guy’s reaction, it was mutual. And Chan’s world crashed again.

For once, he froze. He didn’t expect that he didn’t expect to not see it coming at all. Minho was in love, not a crush, in love. Something that probably blossomed during a few months, maybe a crush that developed into something bigger, and he hadn’t been there to notice. Of course, Hyunjin would not have noticed that the boy didn’t notice these things. But Chan did, if only he had been there, he would have stopped this from happening.

Chan was still frozen when Minho got on stage, he was still blocked in his mind when he moved out of the room to be a part of the public, to witness him on the big stage for the first time. It’s not until Han Jisung himself sat next to him that he came back to reality. The guy looked at him, smiling:

“Hey.”

Chan blinked a few times. He still didn’t know to feel. His heart was still numbed.

“…Hello.”

There was a pause. And then a sigh.

“Okay. It’s awkward. Hi, I’m Jisung. You’re…You’re Minho’s best friend right, Chan?”

“…Yes?”

Another sigh.

“Okay, I’ll be straightforward. I kind of really love Minho. Do you think I have a chance?”

Chan didn’t know how to answer that. To be more exact, he knew the answer he just didn’t want to give it. But…

“You do.”

“You’re sure?!” He looked too happy, too loud.

“Yes. He looks at you differently.”

…Minho’s still disliked, liars. It never changed through the years. And it never was as hurtful to say the truth as now.

And Jisung looked happier and happier.

“How did you…fall in love with Minho?”

Jisung dared to blush but he still shyly admitted:

“Just, more or less at first sight for me?, “Jisung laughed nervously, “Let’s be honest. Minho is beautiful inside and out, but like...He just looks so perfect? And then I entered this dance room where he was practicing because I had to pair up with someone for my track. And like, everyone saw him first? Ah, him and Hyunjin, Hyunjin is your friend as well, right?”

Chan just nodded. He wanted him to keep going on.

“Yeah, weird one, this Hyunjin. Oh, don’t get me wrong I like him! But like, he’s so close to many, it was hard to get closer to Minho when Hyunjin was always there. I thought he had a crush on him at first, but then like you were mentioned and…Oh. Di-Did you know that?” He had the decency to look embarrassed at least. But Chan didn’t care. So once again, he just nodded. When Jisung looked surprised, he didn’t add anything else and sighed.

“Keep going on; it’s okay. A story for another day.”

“Oh…Well, okay. So yeah. I saw him for the first time in this dance room, and he was so so beautiful. And not just his face, but the way he was moving, smiling and the charisma he had while doing all of that…Too much. I knew I had to get him to dance on my track. And, well, I’m quite good you know? I was still a bit nervous, but I had faith in what I composed. I always put everything in them, they’re my babies. I want to be a big producer one day, you’ll see, all of my songs will be on the radio one day!”

Chan didn’t quite like his habit to never stay on the subject they were talking about. But he could endure. It was okay. He just…He just needed to know what Minho liked about him so much. So far, he didn’t really know. Maybe it was just him being him? Something like that. It was something Minho will probably say. Loving someone just for the sake of it.

“So yeah, Minho. I was so proud when he chose my song over everyone else! I mean of course I knew it, I’m the best. But still! And then finally he looked at him, smiled, and I was a goner even before he said “hi”. After that…. After that, I really tried to get him on a date and everything. I mean, of course, we worked on this performance first! I’m diligent don’t worry, if I get into a relationship with him I’ll not make him fail his studies!!”

Chan snickered. He will not be able to. Minho was too set on passing everything that he doubted even if he was the love of his life, he didn’t think for a second, he will stop studying for him.

“So yeah, I still wanted to know him better, he was always nice and soft-spoken, and he just was you know, perfect while working together so it made me fall even harder. He was just too damn perfect, and so I was like “wait, there’s probably something bad about him, right?” I mean, nobody can be THAT flawless you know. But like, wanting to know these parts of him, it wasn’t just curiosity, it was excitement. That’s probably when I realized I was already too deep in the rabbit hole y’know. And then finally, after weeks, he agreed on a date. Well, I don’t think he considered it as one, but to me, it’s all the same. So I took him to my favorite ice cream shop, you know the university? You just have to take the road downside and walk for like, 10minutes?”

While Chan nodded for the third time, his heart clenched a bit more. It was the first place Minho took him when they finally were able to hang out outside their buildings. The only time he mentioned Jisung was when they ordered ice cream. Minho never told Chan it was Jisung who took him there. And it hurt. It hurt so bad.

“And just this day was fantastic. I learned more about him, about his childhood, and also you. Minho talked a lot about you. You’re very precious to him, I was moved. Like these kinds of friendships are so hard to find, I’m a bit jealous. That’s when I realized that if we didn’t get along it would be hard later if I did date him. But your words make me a bit more at peace, thank you.”

Jisung threw him another big smile, and Chan tried hard to reciprocate. He thought he looked okay, but just, it was even faker than any other smile he ever did.

“And…That’s it for me. I just love the way he talks, especially about the people he loves. How passionate he is for dancing, as much as I am for the music I produce. If I ever one day create something for an idol band, I wish he could be the one making the choreography of my song. I just…want to work with him. To be with him, all the time. Is it weird? Ahaha. I hope he will not be creeped out. I just want to be here for him, and for him to be here for me as well. He’s just…Everything I ever wanted. I hope I’ll be enough for him? Do you think so?”

“…He seemed to think so at least.” And Jisung couldn’t look happier.  

And as Chan saw him getting his hopes up, Chan finally snapped.

Mutual love. Something that never happened before.

A memory.

And Chan finally smiled at him back, while the show began. A new memory just meant one thing, his collection will get bigger.

And while looking at Minho broke the stage, he sent a message to Hyunjin to bring the usual stuff, and get drugs, something that will make him weak enough or pass out.

He looked back at the stage, smiling, truly Minho was beautiful.



Kidnapping someone at such a big event wasn’t hard. Really. Making someone disappeared was very easy; nobody paid attention to anyone, and if someone saw you with anyone else on your back, you can just say he passed out because he drank too much. Too easy.

When Hyunjin arrived, smiling as always, he gave him Rohypnol, a type of drugs that were well known to make people weak; they couldn’t move.

“It’s also known as the rape drug. Very powerful stuff.” Honestly, this could be considered as the drugs of the devil; Chan would not care.

Making Jisung drink it wasn’t hard. The guy accepted everything given to him, especially from his future boyfriend’s best friend, he didn’t think he risked anything. It didn’t take long before he got sleepy. Chan just needed to be sure nobody was around when he made him drink and then he just had to wait for him to be too weak to protest.

When it happened, Chana called Hyunjin and walked with him to his apartment, Jisung’s body still hanging off of his back. He sent a text message to Minho, telling him he couldn’t stay because he got a huge exam tomorrow and he was very sorry. He promised himself to buy him something nice. Minho was probably very sad right now, with his best friend not there and his crus-no, the person he loved not being there to congratulate him on a good performance. He felt bad. But more than that, he was angry. Angry that he lets someone got too close to Minho.

At one point in his life, he believed he could endure the thought of Minho being with someone that wasn’t him. And he truly could, if it wasn’t the first one he did something with he guessed. He knew he will never be happy about it. He knew he will jump on any occasion to make him go away. But if he had no reasons at all to do something to them, then he will let them be.

But he couldn’t really describe how he felt right now. It was not just anger anymore, it was…madness Chan guessed. There was something crushing his insides and making him go made, and he didn’t even know what it was exactly. But it was there, and it was making him insane with hatred. For all the people he knew, Jisung was the first one he felt such hatred toward. He didn’t even hate Felix as much as he did right now. And maybe it was normal, Felix had been a crush. Jisung…Jisung was loved

Jisung was the reason he has been ignored by Minho for the first time as well. And Chan didn’t know if he was angrier or sadder by this. He just felt numb.

While Chan was having these thoughts, Hyunjin truly looked excited. Chan wasn’t sure why, but it surely was for something disturbing. After all, Hyunjin always enjoyed doing all the bad things he asked to do. He never said no, and even if he didn’t enjoy working when blood was involved, he enjoyed the act. He never really understood why the act itself was a pain to do. It was annoying at most to him, not enjoyable. But Hyunjin wasn’t him. And so as much as Hyunjin will never truly understand him, he never will totally do as well.

When they finally arrived at Chan’s dorm, Chan wondered for a minute what he will do to him while putting him down on his bed. There wasn’t anything special to collect about him. It was everything. From his body to his heart, Minho loved everything. And then he realized.

It was his entirety that he had to collect. Chan smiled. He knew what do to.

“So? So? What are we gonna cut this time?” Hyunjin looked at Jisung like a child looked at his birthday’s present. He probably wanted to see Chan do it.

“Nothing.” Hyunjin frowned.

“Oh? So, what, just kill him and go?”

“Neither.” Hyunjin pouted a bit. He looked disappointed.

“So, what? We just let him sleep on your bed and let him go?”

“Of course not.” Chan sighed, he was annoyed now. “Hyunjin. Bring me more drugs, enough to keep him permanently in this state. Also, a collar and a leash, please.”

Hyunjin opened his eyes widely. Realization hit him down.  

“You want to…keep him?” Chan’s smile got wider.

“Yes, Hyunjin. I just adopted a new pet.”



Hyunjin wasn’t pleased by this decision because he didn’t like Jisung being there with Chan all the time. He didn’t like the fact that the guy was able to spend more time with Chan than him. But Hyunjin still did as he was told, as always. He knew after all Chan would not care about what he really thought of this. So, he did bring a collar and a leash, he did bring more drugs. He gave everything Chan wanted and did everything he asked him to do. And that, even if it was the first thing he didn’t enjoy doing, it was no exception. But he wasn’t happy.

“Why do you wanna keep him alive? Wouldn’t it be better to kill him and take a part of him? Less work and more torture!”

Chan sighed again. Hyunjin was being annoying these days because of that. As if taking care of a human pet who looked more like a vegetable with all the drugs he made him took wasn’t hard enough.

“No. Minho loved him. I need him entirely.”

“Bu-!’

“No buts, Hyunjin. Are you disobeying me?” He didn’t have to make his voice louder. He just needs to look at him, and Hyunjin immediately shut up. He was still unhappy with all of that, but he will have to work with it.

Chan will not have turned back from his decision, he will keep Jisung alive and def in his room. Sure, it meant he had to make sure nobody entered it. And sure, it was hard to take care of someone who couldn’t take care of himself or even move, most of the time.

It’s been two days since Chan kidnapped Jisung, and he realized how hard it was. First, Jisung wasn’t necessarily heavy but he had to move him around a lot, to make him go to the bathroom, to wash him, or even make him eat. Making him eat was hard, because first he had to get rid of the tape, most of the time Jisung didn’t produce any sounds but just in case it was preferable he had it Chan will not take any risk, but since he was so weak he couldn’t even move his jaw around properly, so Chan had to do it for him, and make him eat liquid things most of the time. It was a pain and honestly if Chan had to choose he would have killed him and collected a part of his body but for him, it didn’t work that way.

Chan didn’t choose what memory he wanted to collect; it was evident each time. And this too was no exception.

Sometimes Jisung talked. These days Chan put out his tape as he was too weak to scream anyways, and his eyes were vacant. As if he had no soul anymore, Chan guessed it was the effect of the drugs, it probably didn’t mess only with his metabolism but also his brain. It wasn’t good for anyone’s health to take so many drugs you couldn’t even think most of the time. But sometimes he had these moments of lucidity even with everything he was taking and then, he said some things. At first, it was just some begging and pleading.

“Please…let me go, I never did anything.” Chan thought he looked pathetic asking him this while being chained with a leash to a counter table. It truly was a look to be appreciated. And Chan was happy, while he was studying to look at him and saying:

“No.”  

And that was it. As if Jisung used all his energy to plead and then his body was shutting down again.

After a month, he started to say more incoherent things while looking at the roof, sometimes he said some stuff about Minho, and sometimes when his moment of clarity came, he just cried. Chan didn’t like when he cried; it was harder to wash.

Sometimes he even vomited. Chan guessed it was because of the drugs as well and he kind of expected it. But still, it was disgusting to wash the vomit out of someone’s else mouth. Even more to his mouth. Jisung was a vegetable. But a dirty one if he could choose to not have any more in his presence. But still, looking at him made him saw things, as anything else in his collection did. While looking at him he could saw Minho’s loving stares, he could hear his voice, filled with so much affection while talking about him that Chan was sure just doing so made him happy. And that’s why he couldn’t let him go. Jisung was a part of his collection, and if he wasn’t like this, if he didn’t take his everything, then he will not be able to be a part of his collection. And that wasn’t what Chan wanted.

And Minho, sweet Minho, at first wasn’t worried. He said it happened a lot for him to disappear and then came back. After Chan met him, Minho talked even more about him and even admitted at a point of loving him. Putting his “best friend happy for his friend” mask hadn’t been easy, but again if it was for Minho he could do a lot of things. Even that. Minho looked happy. And while doing so, Chan got even more memories to remember while looking at Jisung.

But then after a week, he started to get worried to be in contact with him. After two weeks while even not his friends had been in touch with him, he panicked, and everyone started to call the police. After three weeks he was crying every day with worry. After a month he just realized it again.

For some reasons, Jisung disappeared. And it meant he was abandoned again. This time, the blow he took was harder than before, and Chan was sure he couldn’t do anything to make him feel better. Minho hated feeling alone since his childhood. Minho remembered people talking about how cursed he was. And he probably started to believe it as well.

Minho got cold. It wasn’t something usual for him and Chan guessed it was normal. He started to not talk with him a lot. Chan frowned, he didn’t like that. But Minho needed space. He just had to make sure he knew he didn’t abandon him. So, he still sent him messages every day, and sure Minho answered once every four days, giving excuses on how he was busy with school, but still. He knew Chan was there and it was okay, one day Minho will come back to him he was sure of it. He just needed to know how to make the process faster.

The solution came to him after two months. And he hadn’t been happy about it, at all.

He needed to go back home, for once. It had been a while since he last saw his parents and they asked to see him for at least a week, during the holidays. And he couldn’t say no, it didn’t fit with his profile as the perfect son. But he still needed to take care of Jisung. And he did the only thing he could think of, asked Hyunjin to do it for him.

Truly Chan had been too used to having him around, he got lazy. And maybe if he had found another solution, which he will have to, maybe after he came back home, he would not have found Jisung, with his hands on a knife, planted in his throat. Almost putrefying on his floor. The first thing he thought was how Hyunjin apparently didn’t take care of him enough. The second one was how the smell was horrid. He walked through his room, next to Jisung. Judging by how the blood didn’t coat yet, he guessed the act had been recent, maybe a day. But it meant Hyunjin didn’t give him enough drugs to keep him away from his own thoughts. It meant he hadn’t been careful enough to keep him away from dangerous objects. It meant he didn’t do his job properly. Chan was mad. Because of him, a precious part of his collection was gone.

So, he called him. And judging by his voice he didn’t think anything was abnormal. And Chan waited on his desk’s chair, still not touching Jisung’s body, still not doing anything except fixing the door that will open in no time now. When it did and Hyunjin entered the room, smiling, he was still not doing anything.

And then Hyunjin saw the body, stopped smiling, looked at Chan. And for once he looked utterly terrified. As soon as he realized what was happening, he went on the floor, bowed, and begged for forgiveness.

“I’m sorry! I promised it’s a mistake, I didn’t want this to happen, what can I do to make things better? I promise I’ll do anything I-“

“Hyunjin.” And Hyunjin shut up, “Look at me.” And he did, with terrified eyes. And Chan smiled. But with such cold eyes, Hyunjin hadn’t been reassured.

“You can’t.” A pause. “I’ll not forgive you like this. You’ll have to pay.”

Hyunjin started crying. He loved him so much, and he disappointed him like this, he was unforgivable he knew that.

“Please…Can... can my death be quick at least?” And Chan was still smiling.

“Oh no, you’re not going to die.”

“Huh?”

“No. You’re going to prison sweetheart.”

Hyunjin looked horrified. It was worse than death to him. It meant he will be separated from Chan, while still being alive.

“You’re going to the police with this knife and his body. You’re going to say you killed him. And then you’re going to give them the place Seungmin has been buried. You’ll admit you killed him as well. Isn’t it time his family has some peace of mind, don’t you think?”

Hyunjin nodded slowly as if he didn’t know what to say. He probably didn’t.

“What…What reason I’ll give them?”

“Hmmm, good question. You just felt like it? Don’t mention Minho, that’s it. You’re a big boy right, you’ll find it by yourself. You’ll probably be in prison for the rest of your life, never escape, never try to make your time shorter. Just stay there. It’s your punishment. Understood?”

Hyunjin was still crying, but he did. Chan was right he did something wrong, he needed a punishment.

“Will…Will you visit me?”

“Hmmm, maybe. After 3 or 4 years if you’re good enough, I’ll consider it.”

It was hurting, everywhere, everything. He will probably die from loneliness before he got to this date.

“But don’t worry, I’m a forgiving man, and I’m not too heartless am I. I’ll send you letters every two weeks.”

Hyunjin looked up a bit at Chan and saw him smiled at him sweetly and Hyunjin did as well. Chan was an amazing man. He never deserves to be near him in the first place, he got greedier and greedier and Chan let him, and Hyunjin as the ungrateful spoiled brat that he was, didn’t appreciate it enough and still did a mistake. Chan was too good for him to be forgiven like this.

“Th-thank you. Can I ask for something?”

Maybe he could be greedy one last time. Chan sighed, he knew what he would ask.

“Sure.”

“Can you kiss me one last time?”

And who was Chan to refuse the last wish of someone who will go to prison soon?

“Okay.”

So, he did. It was even worse than before. Hyunjin was crying into the kiss and seemed to never want to let go. But he had to.

After the kiss finished, Chan looked one last time at Hyunjin. He never looked uglier.

“Now, go.”

Yes, Chan never liked dogs. He knew he would never be able to keep one for his entire life.



As he expected, Minho started to talk to him again when Hyunjin admitted his crime. His trial was short, he refused to have an advocate as he admitted all his crimes. The fact that he knew where Kim Seungmin was buried didn’t help his reasoning. He knew the victims, he knew where they were, he had what killed them in the first place. Even his well-placed father couldn’t do anything when his son clearly wanted to go to prison. Nobody ever knew why, some thought he wanted to repent, but anyone who had seen him at least one time during the trials could say it was something else. Nobody ever knew.

Minho’s reaction was…weird. Sure, he was happy to know what happened to Jisung and Seungmin finally, it made his feelings of being abandoned weaker, knowing what happened to them were probably what he needed in the first place, Chan felt dumb never to realize that. He should have known.

But still Hyunjin was his friend, some would argue his second-best friend. Knowing he did all of that was horrifying to him.  

“I can’t believe Hyunjin, our Hyunjin did all of that. He always so nice. How could he…chop Seungmin off like that? When did he become such a monster?”

Sure, it hurt a bit to hear Minho indirectly treated him as a monster. But he knew from the start he was one, so he was okay with that. He just felt happy Minho finally started to talk to him again. As before. If he had to go through all of this to make this happen, then he was happy it was the case.

“I don’t know Minho. Some people hide their true nature more easily than others. Maybe what we know of him was also who he really was, just it wasn’t who he entirely was.”

Minho seemed satisfied with this answer. For once Chan believed it. People wore different masks depending on who they were with. Hyunjin was the only one he didn’t have to wear a too heavy one. He will miss that a bit. But it was okay. Minho was happier now because of Hyunjin, he will probably feel happy when he will tell him in his next letter.



Everything was okay if it meant Minho was happy.



Fifth victim: Han Jisung

Age: 19 years old

Status: Dead.

Damages: The autopsy will reveal an alarming number of drugs in his metabolism. In his final state, he probably wasn’t more than a vegetable, seeing the damages it probably caused to his brain. Even if he survived to that, he probably would never have been the same.



Sixth victim: Hwang Hyunjin

Age: 19 years old

Status: Alive.

Damages: Nothing. For some reasons, while entering the gates of the prison, he looked like he entered the ones of heavens. And he smiled.

Chapter Text

Dear Hyunjin,

First of all, Minho doesn’t really approve of me writing this letter to you. He thinks you don’t deserve it for all the pain you caused us. I told him I promised. He still doesn’t understand but he respects my decision I guess. He never liked liars you know, if I didn’t respect my promise he will probably dislike it even more.

I will ask you about how you have been there but you’re kind of in jail. Though knowing you, you’re probably okay. Maybe you’ll find someone more interesting than me here. People have done very bad things there. Minho doesn’t believe me when I say there are worst people than you in this world, as always, he’s too naïve. But it’s okay, I prefer him being that way, innocent from all the horrors of the world.

Anyways, I don’t have much to say in this first letter except it’s only been a month since you’re here, and even if Minho probably hates you now, I think he misses you a bit. You were his only friend besides me, and you shared something I never did with him. I think he mostly misses that. Me, I’m okay. I don’t really miss you. But you expected that, right? Life is just a bit harder since you left. Things are just harder overall, I miss things being easier for me, but I should not have put so much of my work on your shoulders in the first place. I wasn’t careful enough on how tougher things will be later if you ever disappeared. But it’s okay, I’ll find a solution don’t worry. I know you will.

I’m still angry at you, of what you did. I’ll probably be for a long time. Never forget what you did Hyunjin, never forget you deserve to be here for this. Never forget you should not escape, try to make your sentence shorter or even start to think you don’t deserve it. You do. The only thing I regret is never collecting any piece of memory from you. I’ll probably forget you soon, it’s annoying. I’ll try not to. After all, I must write to you, right?

Don’t forget to not reply to this letter, not yet; you still don’t have this right.

Bang Chan

….

Dear Hyunjin,

It’s been two months since you’re in jail. Here is my second letter to you as promised.

I still don’t miss you. And things got better with a bit of time; I’m finally able to do my work without you correctly. It’s still a bit hard, but I manage. Soon I’ll be totally okay with you not being here.

You may ask why I tell you that, I’m probably meaner than I should be while writing those letters, right? After all, I know you. It’s probably the only thing you feel happy about getting once in a month. But you still deserve it. I calculated how long I should write these things in my letters for you. My guess was the first 6 months, so bear with it. Don’t find it unfair Hyunjin, never forget you did that to yourself. We will all be happy now if you didn’t fuck up so royally. But you did. And now, we’re all sad.

Minho is still really lonely in his dance classes. You know him, he’s probably friendly with all of your ex-classmates, but I’m pretty sure they are not his friends. After all, he was close with the “psycho” aka you. I think some people are afraid which is crazy to me since Minho is the sweetest, most perfect person on this planet, how can you ignore him in the first place? Nonsensical. They should feel embarrassed for themselves, don’t you think?

By the way, I had to announce the big news to Felix. He was heartbroken, knowing one of his only friends, was such a monster. Do you see how many people you disappointed with your actions? Felix is still very shocked. I don’t know what to say to him to make it better. I think I must find him a boyfriend soon. He needs someone nice. If I still didn’t have any idea when I’ll authorize you to answer my letters, can you give me an opinion? We never know you may have an idea. But yeah, a boyfriend, or at least another close friend other than me for him should be beneficial. I can’t always be there for him, unfortunately. And Felix should, has to, be happy. And he was these days. Until you disappoint him that much.

For me, I’m still okay. Studies aren’t that hard anymore since I got the grasp on it. English is an interesting language. I still have time to go see Minho’s performances. He’s still beautiful. He’s getting better on this aspect. But he’s still lonely. I wonder what I will do for that. Maybe it will get better soon. I don’t think he should get new friends, for now, all of the old ones have been disappointing so far, don’t you think?

Anyways. Still, don’t reply to this.

Bang Chan

…

Dear Hyunjin,

This is the third letter I’m sending to you. I don’t think I’m going to count them each time but doing this makes me remember how much time you’re not here anymore. It’s easier for me to keep track on you, I kind of forgot your face lately, what does your voice sound like again? I’m not sure anymore. I’m finally okay without you for my work. I got in contact with your old friends, the ones who helped you in realizing my work, they are not very nice. But for work, they are good. Still, they are not pleasing to work with, in the first place, I have to admire you for putting it up with them.

Work is easier, and life in general is. Minho is getting better! I think he learned how to not care about what people think, and it’s good. It doesn’t make him less lonely when he’s with them, but it makes it easier. And I’m happy about it. It looks like he’s finally back to me as he always was. It’s been a while since it just has been the two of us, I’m quite happy. You’re not in the picture anymore and it’s good. Just Minho and me, no Hyunjin in between. It’s weird but not feeling like there’s someone, I can count on to watch after him, makes me feel easier. Because now, I do spend more time with him than before. It’s a blessing. Since you’re here where everything is better for me. It’s quite nice. I’m happy. Minho is here, and he’s just for me. Maybe…Maybe he will finally see I’m the only one who never betrayed him. Can a man hope, right? I don’t think he ever will and I think I’m going crazy. Ahahah don’t mind me. I’m having weird thoughts these days.

Felix is coping well. I still didn’t find someone new for him; it seems that finding strangers is harder than I thought. Maybe a foreigner? He wants to talk more in English; I think he finally remembers all of it. It’s nice to see him progress this fast. Soon he will be fluent again; it’s relieving.

Anyways, all of that to say, I’m happy you’re not here. Minho is present in my life, even more than before.

PS: You can write me back this time. I’ll not accept every month. I think once every three months is okay.

Bang Chan

…

Hiya Channie!!!

Thank you for writing to me, I don’t deserve your kindness I know that hehe. I’m quite good! The people in jail are very nice, they give me their meals. I don’t really know why; do you think they all find me suuuuper pretty and handsome, so they decided to give me free meals???? I don’t complain though. I fit really well!! I like it actually, I can freely talk with people about things normies out there didn’t want me to talk about. I just don’t understand why people want to get out so much! Except for you Channie, I don’t need anything else that I do have here. They’re weird. The jail itself isn’t much of a punishment to me Channie, I’m sorry for that, should I try to get into isolation? I should really. I don’t think I’m sad enough.

But I do reflect every day on my mistakes I promise!! I feel bad about what I did to you. I should have been like this. I’m so so sorry Chan. I hope one day you’ll be able to forgive me. I love you. I will forever love you, never forget Channie, you’re the only one for me! You not missing me hurt a lot you know. But I understand I knew it. But I do miss you every day, every minute, every second of my life!! My only wish is only to see you again one day. But I’ll be happy with just letters for now. Just knowing you took of your precious time to write to me is enough.

Also, for Felix, maybe someone you know about? It would be easier to predict their character! I have faith in you Chan; you can do it, give me a C, give me an H, give me an A, give me an N, give me CHAN! CHAN, YOU CAN DO IT.

Anyways I love you, Chan, I’m happy you’re letting me answer you!!

PS: For Minho, you know it already Chan, right? You know Minho more than I do.

He’ll find someone new soon. He always does.

Hwang Hyunjin

….

It’s been three months since Hyunjin was sent to prison, and Chan truly felt like happiness finally reached him.

As he said in those letters, Hyunjin not being here made it easier for him on the long-term. He wasn’t here to stole Minho’s attention from him, and since Minho didn’t have anyone else anymore, he was seeing him even more. Like when they were kids. When Minho was always attached to him, as much as he was to him. He regretted through the years to see this disappeared, but he understood. At least at first. Minho wasn’t like him, he needed more people to interact with. Humans were social creatures after all, and even Chan needed other people sometimes, though not for the same reasons as Minho, he needed those interactions.

But right now, it was just Minho and him. After classes, they met, almost every day. And Chan was happy. He had Minho all for himself, nobody to distract him from Chan. Nobody to befriend with. Minho was his. Finally. He knew deep inside it will not last, Minho was too perfect, too social for nobody to fell. One day, soon, someone will fall again, and Minho will accept him in his life because he needed it.

Minho always needed people around him. He wasn’t obnoxious about it, and if you asked he will deny it strongly. But Chan knew him, he saw him growing up. He knew Minho wanted to have people to be with him, talk to him. This situation, as much as Chan was happy about it, probably didn’t satisfy Minho at all. Even if he didn’t show any sign in front of him, he knew. Chan was not enough. He never was after all.

But for now, he decided to not think about this. He decided to enjoy his perfect life with Minho. Where they went to eat together, alone. Watching movies, studying together even though they didn’t take the same course. He loved all of that. He loved spending time with Minho. If only Minho could also be satisfied with just that.

It was desperation. It was looking at Minho enjoying the moment, feeling like Minho will one day not be his alone anymore. Where Minho will still be there but someone else will be in the picture, someone he doesn’t want to. And nobody could ever be this someone, this special someone he will feel happy to let enter their small world. But Minho? Minho would let anyone enter if they were nice enough. And it was such a bad feeling. His heart will crush each time he thought of this moment. The day where Minho will let someone enter, again.

So maybe things weren’t as happy as he wanted them to be. But it was okay, for now. Minho was not a worry, he always was a blessing in his grey life. The source of happiness, the colors of his world. And even if one day, when this day, will happen, it would be okay, because Chan loved Minho. And if Minho wanted someone new, it was okay, it was for his happiness. He could do that.

At least that was what he repeated himself every day, every hour until he could finally convince himself. He wasn’t sure if it was working. It never did before.

No, his only worry, for now, was Felix. Because as much as he said he was fine, as much as he said he didn’t need anyone else, because Chan was the one who always has been there for him through all his hardships and, who will want anyone else who could make him suffer as much as Hyunjin for doing something so horrible, and Changbin, for disappearing like this from his life when he needed him the most? Not Felix, not again. But Chan knew he was lonely. Chan knew he couldn’t always be the only one for him. Especially seeing how hard it was to take care of him, and Chan didn’t have as much time as before, especially since he got into uni. The first year was ending soon now, and final exams were so near, he could feel them. He wasn’t that stressed over it. He studied hard for them, but he needed to take time to do it, meaning less time with Minho, and even less for Felix. And Felix hated to be alone for too long. Chan couldn’t hope for Felix’s parents to do anything for him except money, they never did. So, he had to find a solution. He had to find him, a new friend, even better, a boyfriend. He still wasn’t sure how to find that, and where to. He didn’t trust people much, sure he was less worried for Felix than for Minho, but he still was a bit. He needed to make sure Felix was happy. He promised, years ago now.

The solution to this problem came to him suddenly, without even predicting what will happen. It came whereas he was actually going to visit Felix, while buying coffees for them on the path to his house, well a coffee for him and hot chocolate for him, Felix never liked coffee. It came while after ordering and getting his drinks, a person pushed him violently accidentally while he was turning around from the counter and made him drop his drinks at the same time on the floor, burning his own hands by the same occasion. Saying it was hurting was a euphemism. Truly, coffee wasn’t made to be on someone hands, but in your freaking throat in the first place. And if Chan could feel these emotions, he would probably be angry right now. He could feel pain though and that wasn’t very enjoyable. He was about to turn back to the counter, asked for water and then his order again, when the person who pushed him, finally talked: “I’m so sorry!! I promise it was an accident, I didn’t want to…I wasn’t paying attention, I promise!! I just thought it was my turn, and it happened, ah, let me pay your order again okay??” Chan could hear the panic in this boy, but that wasn’t what he noted first. Because if the years that passed made it deeper and more adult, he could recognize this tone anywhere. It didn’t change much after all. So, he finally looked at the boy’s face, while this one was still looking at the floor in shame, probably waiting for him to yell at him. “…Jeongin? Yang Jeongin?”

It finally made him snapped his eyes open and made him finally look at the person he ran into. His eyes widened while recognition of a face from his childhood came back into his mind.

“Ch-Chan hyung?”

Chan just smiled, as he always did, and then finally, nodded. Jeongin looked paralyzed, and Chan didn’t know if it was only because he was just in a state of shock or because he was terrified. As far as Chan knew, he still didn’t remember what happened back then, but the brain is a strange thing, and maybe he did. Though Chan was sure that if it were the case, it wouldn’t be Hyunjin in jail right now but him.

“Jeongin? Are you okay?” It finally made him back to reality, and Jeongin looked at Chan’s face, then his eyes. He still wasn’t sure what to say.

“I-“

“Hey, both of you!” A voice behind the counter interrupted them “Don’t stay like this in the queue, order or get the fuck out!”

Chan looked back, annoyed, and then sighed.

“Are you busy Jeongin?” There was still uncertainty in his eyes as if he didn’t know if he would not just prefer running away than staying in the place as him. Chan wondered why. If he wasn’t running, already it meant he didn’t remember. So why?

“…No.” He said, after a long pause.

“Cool. I’m gonna buy you a drink, what do you want?”

Jeongin snapped back his head to him in panic. He looked around him as if he was expecting someone to pop out of somewhere but didn’t see it. Chan was starting to think the blow he made to his head didn’t just affect his memory. After a minute, where the seller had time to look even more pissed off, he seemed to be satisfied with his…Analyze? And finally answered.

“…Vanilla Bean Frappuccino.”.

Chan arched an eyebrow. That was specific. But he didn’t complain much more and turned back to the man behind the counter to order, once again.

“Fucking finally.” This man was rude. A bad day probably.

After ordering his drinks, he took them and indicated Jeongin to follow him to a table, near the exit. Once sat down, Jeongin looked intensely at his Frappuccino, but not drinking it, while Chan wondered how to start a conversation.

Jeongin was someone he once knew. But he grew up. He probably was very different from the kid who once looked at Minho with stars in his eyes. He probably was still in high school. But as much as people change, some things never do. And the way he was biting the inside of his cheek made him remember of an old memory, the first time when they were still kids he went to Minho to give him a drawing he made of him and Minho, telling him how much he admired him and how he wanted to be like him at his age. Even though Jeongin was just three years younger than them, he probably was seventeen now, they used to be the taller ones. The big ones. Now, Jeongin was taller than him. He could hear Hyunjin’s voice telling him that him being short was a part of his charm. Chan disagreed.  But Hyunjin always insisted that it was cute. Chan didn’t think cute was the right adjective to describe him, but Hyunjin was weird in the first place anyway.

Chan sighed one last time. Jeongin was a new opportunity for him. One, he could find a new friend for Felix through him, he knew him and who he was so even if he didn’t trust him enough to let him be just with Felix, he knew enough to be sure it wasn’t dangerous. Maybe fate decided to be nice to him for once, it would be great. Talking about dangerous, Chan looked briefly at his left hand and frowned. There was a glove on it, on both to be specific, but there was clearly something inside of the glove, something that clearly looked like a hand. Maybe-

“It’s a prosthetic one. It’s useful.” Chan looked back at his face, surprised, he wasn’t discreet enough apparently. Chan tried to look as apologetic as he could about it.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry. Curiosity is a bad default of mine.”

Jeongin snorted at that. Well, to say the least Chan didn’t remember him being like that. And he didn’t seem to be when he didn’t recognize him.

“Since when? If it wasn’t about…Minho” His name has been said as if it was a word he didn’t pronounce for years “You never were curious about anything.”

Chan just smiled.

“People do change through the years. I remember you not being such a brat for example.”

Jeongin had the decency to blush and look uncomfortable. He seemed surprised at what Chan just said as if he didn’t expect him to call him out. And then it was silent again.

This was going well. Chan sighed again.

“Look,” Jeongin said after a while. “I’m sorry. I didn’t expect…To see you again. I’ll be direct, are you expecting…Minho?” Again, his name was pronounced the same way as he did before. “Is he coming?”

“Minho? No. I was going to see another friend when you ran into me. Why?”

Jeongin let out a long sigh of relief and Chan didn’t notice before, but he finally looked more relaxed now.

“Oh, thank god. I don’t want to see him.”

 “Why? He’s not the one who, huh, caused this incident.”

Jeongin looked straight into his eyes at that, as if he was analyzing Chan entirely.

“But he is.” A pause. “Do you know what hand the psychopath cut?”

Of course, he knew.

“…No.”

“The one Minho touched for the first time. He cursed it. I don’t know how, I don’t know why, I’ll probably never do, but I do remember one thing. Minho holding my hand previously, and the next thing I knew was it not being attached to my body anymore. It’s not a coincidence.”

“Wasn’t it a robbery? Didn’t the person take your wallet?”

Jeongin rolled his eyes at that.

“Yes sure, the 1,000won of a kid, so much trouble for so little money. No. It was just a psychopath who wanted to hurt me. And Minho cursed it.”

“Bu-“

“No. I know it. I don’t know why, I don’t know how, but he did. I should have known. Someone as perfect as Minho was…It came with a price. It’s his. I know what happened after, I know the people who disappeared and even died. Can you still tell me there is not something wrong with him?!! There is. Look at me Chan hyung, it’s been over ten years now, and I still think about it, I still have nightmares about it sometimes, I don’t want to see him. I don’t want to be cursed again, do you think I deserved it, that I deserved all of this?!!”

Yes, yes Chan thought he did. But he couldn’t say that.

Jeongin looked out of breath as if he finally pulled out of his chest something he wanted to say for years, and maybe it was the case. Perhaps he needed that.

“But I’m still here Jeongin. If Minho was really cursed, something should have happened to me as well, right? Come on.”

Jeongin was silent for a second, his eyes still piercing Chan.

“Maybe fate decided to be nice with him, and let someone as stupid as you, seeing all the people around him die but still loving him as you do.”

Chan actually was surprised at that.

“Please. Everyone knew, and people just need to look at you around him to know what you really think about him. You love him. You always did. Why do you think people, even with so much of them loving him, never did approach too close? The only thing they did was to confess, knowing they will be rejected? No one EVER trying to seduce him later, I suppose? Because you were there. And most people thought that if he didn’t love you, he will not ever reciprocate their own. He probably never did, right?”

Chan didn’t know he had been so apparent through the years; no one ever told him that. No one ever asked him if he did like him that way. He thought he was doing his best friend role well. It wasn’t good enough.

“He did love someone. Recently.”

“Oh, did he? I guess the guy is dead, right?”

“…Yes.”

“Told you.”

The awkwardness of this conversation was palpable. It was something both of them didn’t want to do, but for some reasons they were still sitting at the same table, talking about Minho.

Chan’s phone buzzed, Felix.

Felix:

Where are you??? There were so many people at the coffee shop??

“The friend you were supposed to meet I suppose?”

Chan looked back at Jeongin, who was now sipping him Frappuccino slowly.

“Yes. Do you…Do you wanna come?”

“Why?”

“My friend is...My friend is pretty lonely. Something bad happened to him, and his only friend besides me is not here anymore. Seeing a new face will do him good.”

“Is he a friend of Minho?”

“He used to. He has amnesia.”

“Of course, what did I expect.”

A sigh.

“Okay, why not.”

Chan smiled at that. Finally, something good going his way.

“Okay. Let me order back his drink.”

Chan:

No, I crossed the path of an old friend, I’m coming with him. I’m sure you’ll like him.

And Chan had been right. Sure, everyone was a bit awkward at first, and he was sure Felix was annoyed at him for bringing a total stranger into his house. Jeongin looked a bit awkward, and he was probably wondered why he accepted in the first place. But Chan knew, he could recognize this look on anyone face who did have it because he saw it too many times in the past. Jeongin thought Felix was pretty. It wasn’t hard to see or to understand, Jeongin never corrected his bad habit of being obvious about those things, and Felix, even with his scar on his left cheek, still looked as pretty as ever. Even Chan could admit that. And after a bit of awkwardness, they finally started to talk. And talk. And before Chan could even realize it, they were both laughing together as if they knew each other for years.

It was a relief. Chan finally found a new friend for Felix. And apparently, Jeongin terribly needed a new one. He wasn’t sure how high school was for him, but he knew how people were at this age. And Jeongin had a handicap. Sure, he was cute, but sometimes, sometimes it wasn’t good enough. Jeongin always has been a shy kid, he probably didn’t stand much for himself. If he had no one, no wonder he felt so attached to Felix directly. Because Felix had something others didn’t, something in common with him. A handicap. Someone attacking him. Chan wondered if Jeongin will think if it was the same person who did attack him as well, but he looked too far engrossed in Felix to say anything.

Jeongin was fascinated. And little by little, his shell was cracking, and Chan could see the little kid he once knew in this teenager. It was good. It meant he was acceptable as a new friend for Felix. It was a thing he didn’t need to worry about anymore. Finally.

It didn’t take a long time before Jeongin was included in all the activities he had for Felix, finally replacing Hyunjin. It was a good thing. The mess Hyunjin put him in, was being cleared up. And even better this time, because it took a little of time for Jeongin to develop a big fat crush on Felix. Chan guessed it wasn’t that hard in the first place. Felix was cute, pretty and nice. Falling was easy. Concerning Felix, well it was a bit harder to say. Because Jeongin was young. And Chan knew Felix had morals, and he will probably not even think about it before a long time. Felix liked him, but as a friend. For more…Well, Chan guessed Jeongin will have to fight harder later in his life if he wanted to even be considered as a love interest.

But for now, it was okay — no trouble in paradise. Everything was okay. Felix was happy.

So why. Why?

“I want to go back to Australia.”

Why did he have to ruin everything?

In retrospect maybe, it’s at this exact moment things started to get complicated. Things got much harder to grasp and comprehend; they became like sand, untouchable but still sticking on him like the plague. It was at this exact moment his happy life started to shred.

Yes, Felix always caused him problems. Even now.

Chan didn’t say anything for a while; he just fixed him. Felix was cowering on his bed, looking at an inexistent point, waiting.

Chan didn’t need to ask why he already knows; they talked about it before. Felix wanted to see his home country; he wanted to see if he could remember old forgotten memories there if something will trigger it. Felix wanted to speak English. He wanted to be able to work at a tattoo parlor. Korea wasn’t the best place for that. He just wanted to go back.

But Chan thought he just wanted to escape at the end of the day.

“Did you tell Jeongin?”

A nod.

“What did he say?”

“That he will be sure to go to a college in Australia if I do leave. He will follow me.”

As expected. It has already been two months, and two more letters at Hyunjin, since Jeongin did join their small group. The school year finished. And if they were all in holidays now after the exams, Jeongin probably was just thinking how he just needed to finish one more year before being able to join Felix to Australia now. He knew him, Jeongin opened a bit in those months, he was still the sweet kid as he used to be, just more scared of everything. As he expected, he didn’t have many friends in the first place, and Felix became fast the only person he could look at. In that aspect, Jeongin made him think a bit of him with Minho, minus the collection parts. He wondered if it was a good thing or not to have someone loving him that much near him. He saw what it did to Minho, he wasn’t sure it would make Felix happy in the long run. Except maybe if later Jeongin convinces him of thinking about a relationship with him. Maybe. But it was done now, he couldn’t do anything else but to let them be. He just hoped nothing bad will happen. Jeongin wasn’t like that.

He trusted he would not turn out to be.

“When do you wanna leave?”

“As soon as possible. I…I’ve been working these days. I have enough to travel. I talked to someone online; they are willing to hire me.”

Chan frowned, it was sketchy. This guy could entirely be taking advantage of his naivety. He was about just to say exactly that when Felix interrupted him.

“I know what you’re going to say. I know it’s crazy, but I, I need it you know? I need to do this. Please, Chan, promise you’ll not do anything to prevent me from going. I need it.”

It was a dilemma Chan didn’t know he will have one day. If he did promise, it was taking of risk of not being able to keep his to Changbin, but if he did not, it was his friendship with Felix he was risking, and once again the promise he made to Changbin. He knew he had to. Because it was all about Felix’s happiness. Making sure he stayed will not make him happy. He needed to go, to feel like he could do things by himself without Chan controlling his life, even though it has been the case until now.

“Okay. I promise.”

Felix smiled. And Chan thought that being a liar would be easier sometimes.

…

Dear Hyunjin,

As you probably noticed, this is my sixth letter to you. Meaning I think you already ingrained in your brain your faults and mistakes. Please, do not make me insult you anymore it’s tiring. Thank you. Do not make me go back on this; I don’t want any news from your jail that could mean you don’t introspect anymore on them.

As I told you in my precedent letter, everything is going well with Jeongin. He’s falling for Felix as an alarming rate. I don’t think it’s healthy for Felix, though I do not think he noticed anything for now. Having him next to him makes him happy, so I guess it will be okay for now. I hope they will at least.

I may have to tell you that Felix finally decided to go back to Australia. And I promised I would not prevent him to do so. A bad promise if you asked me, but what could I do? He needs to be happy if it makes him happy what can I do. I need to accept it. I don’t know how I will keep track of him when he is in Australia, I hope he will send pictures and messages often, but I do fear he will forget after a while.

I just need him to be happy; I need to be sure my promised is respected. At what point I do not have any obligations towards it anymore? At what point can I say, “Felix is happy enough, he doesn’t need me anymore”? Will it happen one day, or will I have to protect him for the rest of my life? I wonder. When I made this promise, I didn’t ask for details; I should have.

Jeongin wants to follow him there. I guess he will protect him then. Jeongin is…Jeongin is a nice person. He has the same smile as he used to have as a kid. The same expressions. But I feel like he depends too much on Felix, really. It can poison both of them in the future. And it will not make Felix happy.

Anyway. As always, I’m good, holidays are boring. I don’t have much work to do these days.

Don’t forget you can answer this time,

Bang Chan

…

Hello Chan!

Aaaaaah, I’m so happy you’re not starting this letter with insults!!!! I’m not gonna lie; I was a bit sad last time, you were harsh in your last one, seriously Chan you can be really mean when you want to!! But it’s okay; I still love you anyway, you never forget right? Hyunjin loves you ehehehe.

For Felix well, I’m not surprised! He talked about that for months now, and it was before I got into jail. You should not be surprised either Channie, we both expected it.

Don’t be too worried over Jeongin, he’s not you. And if he was, it would be more of a good thing for him, right? It means nothing will ever happen to him, how lucky! I wished someone like this could love me~~. But in all seriousness, Jeongin seems to be the type to be very attached to people easily, he was like this to Minho back in the days, right? It seems it just transfers to Felix. I don’t think you should be too worried, Jeongin will treat him good. I’m sure Felix will fall once he finally thinks about him this way uhuhu. A good old happy ever after! It will be quite funny though, both scarred for life by a psychopath getting together at the end, maybe the psycho is a love guru without even knowing about it!

Anyway, as always, I’m good. People are still very kind to me. But I believe they just think I’m dangerous??? Like, I am not! I just killed two persons I’m sure they are worst there. I heard it’s because of how happy I am to be here. I don’t understand. But I’m still very happy!

Never forget that I love you, Chan, forever and always~~

PS: You didn’t talk about Minho at all in your letter, are you not seeing him much these days?

Hwang Hyunjin

…

Chan just had time to put back Hyunjin’s letter on his desk that he realized with stupor that Hyunjin was right. He didn’t talk once about Minho in this letter. He was so worried these days about Jeongin, about Felix, about how he will keep his promise that he did forget to spend more time with him. How? Why? Felix and Jeongin weren’t as important to him as Minho was, they never did. So how did they take so much of his time, over Minho, when did Minho stop being his top priority this last month?

It was all Changbin’s fault. Even years after his death the guy was tormenting him. If only he never promised in the first place. But he did and now he had to live with the consequences. Minho will prefer him to stop seeing him at all before not keeping a promise. Minho never liked liars, right? He shouldn’t start now. But still.

Now that he thought about it, it’s been an entire week since he didn’t see him at all. Sure, they were still sending each other messages, but he never had time to go out with him, he had to spend time with Felix and Jeongin, to be sure they were getting along just fine without him, to be sure Jeongin wasn’t dangerous, and to be sure now Felix will not do something stupid. He was supposed to go back in two months now after the school year starts.

So, he sent a message to Minho as fast as he realized that. He asked to meet up now if he could. He needed to see him now; he needed to be sure he didn’t forget him in a week. He needed to see him. And he knew, he knew it was too late when an answer came.

Minho:

Sure, I’m home! But there’s someone with me; I hope it doesn’t bother you : ).

Someone.

Someone was home with Minho, alone.

This someone hasn’t been described as a friend, a fellow student, not the freaking delivery man giving him a pizza, but someone.

Chan stared and stared at the message, not even answering for a few minutes, his eyes were wide open, and if anyone saw him right now, they’ll probably think he was insane.

He had to go, he had to see this himself. Who the fuck was this someone, and what was he doing with Minho, in his room, alone. The worst part in all of this has he had no idea. Minho didn’t talk about him at all. If it was a “someone” it meant he didn’t know him. And Chan knew everyone Minho frequented. So, who was he? What was he doing there? It was driving him mad.

He sent, just an “Okay I’m coming” to Minho, before rushing outside. He needed to know.

Who is he, who is he, who is he?

He almost ran towards Minho’s dorm, but he needed to collect himself a bit. Minho will not appreciate him looking like a madman in front of this “someone.” He liked when people were presentable. So, he took a deep breath to calm himself, put out his best smile, and knocked on the door.

He heard noises behind the door and muffled voices. He didn’t like it at all. Then footsteps noises. The sound of a lock opening. Chan held his breath.

When the door opened, he expected to see Minho’s sweet smile and soft features, but what he saw was a sharp jawline and laughing eyes instead.

Chan didn’t know what to say at. First, he didn’t know him, and he didn’t know who he was. But he knew he was in Minho’s room, and the only fact he could see him, almost touch him if he wanted, was enough to make him dislike him at first sight. But the guy was unaware of all the hate he already got from him, just smiled.

“Hi! I’m Woojin. You must be Chan, right? Minho talked a lot about you. It’s finally nice to meet you!” While saying this, he was putting his body near the door, mentioning Chan with a hand gesture to enter, as if it was his apartment. It made him wonder how many times he already came here already.

Chan didn’t say much, just a “nice to meet you too” and a big smile. He had to keep himself from showing his inner turmoil. To not make Woojin see how much he hated him by now. It would be problematic.

Once inside, he saw Minho on his chair’s desk, smiling at him. But it was a weird smile, his eyes weren’t sincere, and his eyes were shifting left and right as if he was avoiding eyes contact. Minho was hiding something. And Chan had an idea of what it was.

“Hello, Channie. It’s been a while.” A weak smile, and his fingers tapping on his desk. “Is…Is everything okay? You didn’t talk much.”

Chan didn’t know what to answer to that; he was stuck near the door of the dorm, still looking at Minho as if it was the first time he did look at him. And Woojin went back next to him, still smiling as if nothing was wrong in the first place. He took the other chair and sat down, curiously looking at Chan, probably wondering why he wasn’t moving.

Chan thought he was on the verge of a panic attack. This was too weird, too uncomfortable. This was something he never did want to see. But here it was, Minho was hiding him something. And seeing how this guy was comfortable enough even to open his door to guests…It was going on for a while now. And Minho didn’t say anything at all to him. Nothing.

“…Minho.” Chan finally puts on his best fake smile. “May you introduce your new friend? Where did you meet?”

“Ah, we-.”

“I’m his boyfriend.” And the guy just smiled even more.

And Chan’s world crashed down.

It was his fault. He let Minho alone for too long. And now he found another person to be with.  It was hard to describe how he felt. It was a bit like with Jisung, a feeling of emptiness, of someone finally tearing off something important from his chest and nothing left to replace it. Except for this time the pain was harder, even more, crushing than before. Because he was too late this time. This Woojin wasn’t Jisung. He killed him before he could do anything, even ask Minho out. But here? Here he was too late.

Maybe it was that Minho felt all these years, this feeling of abandonment, of someone leaving him while he still needed them. He felt a bit like that.

Minho always has been in his source of happiness. But even more than that, he still has been his source of emotions. And when you’re used like him not to feel anything, every time he does feel something new, it was stronger, harder to digest. And this time, this time it was too much.

But he had to seem fine, for Minho. Because as much as he was hurting, he still needed to look like the perfect best friend to him, to never be Minho’s source of worries or pain. Chan will always be the one for him.

But he never expected this feeling to be reciprocated. It never had.

Even now he still looked uncomfortable at what Woojin just said. As if he didn’t want Chan to know.  But why, why was he hiding?!

“Ah…I see.” A smile. “Congrats.”

“Thank you, man! See? Why were you worried in the first place? He’s taking the news just fine.”

Chan frowned. Why would he be angry in the first place? Sure, he was, but Minho wasn’t supposed to know that. He was supposed to be the perfect best friend supporting him in everything he was doing. He will never be openly angry at him; he never did in the first place.

“Ah, Chan! I’m sorry! I wanted to tell you, I promise! It’s just…I know you’re protective all right? I thought you'd not be happy to know I got one you don’t even know; I’m sorry Chan.”

Minho looked relieved like he finally has been able to get something off his chest. He probably felt guilty of not saying anything to him in the first place. It was okay. Chan could live with that. No, he couldn’t.

“So, how did you meet?”

They met in the usual spot Chan and Minho go to eat usually, three weeks ago. Minho was dining alone because Chan was busy this day, Woojin was there, found Minho very cute and went to him to give him his number. But Minho did answer a week after to go on a date. They seemingly had a lot of things in common, and they get along just fine. And here they were, dating.

Okay, Minho had reasons to be worried because Chan didn’t approve at all the way they met or the way he accepted to date him. Too soon, he was almost a total stranger. It wasn’t safe. Sure, he looked okay, but lots of people seemed nice in this world, and oh, the last thing you know they were chopping people body parts. Chan knew you couldn’t trust people based on their appearances. You need time and observation skills. And Minho lacked a lot in this department. Or Chan wouldn’t be his best friend right now.

They stayed together for a while. Chan putting on his best mask, talking with Woojin, getting to know him better. He learned he was a young singer, getting paid by singing in some bars. Unstable occupation then. When he asked, he told him he wasn’t studying anything, he was just singing for a living. No future. Truly, Chan wasn’t approving. But Minho looked happy, and it was driving him insane. Why why, why, why did he choose him. What was so special about him?

He saw Minho having a crush, he saw him in love, but what he was feeling for Woojin was neither of that. It was contentment. It seemed this time he was trying to know someone better and hoping he will fall in the process. And Chan didn’t expect he will ever do something like this. As much as he tried to hide it, Minho always believed in love, he didn’t think he will ever work something with someone he didn’t feel anything for. But he did. He was doing it. And Chan couldn’t stand it.

After a while, Woojin told them he was leaving. And that’s when he did something that cracked the last straw of Chan’s sanity.

He kissed Minho on the lips. In front of him, as if he wasn’t there.

He couldn’t bear watching so he closed his eyes for a second. It was torture; it was a pain. And he looked again.

Was it a memory? It was one, right?

So, it meant he needed it for himself. It’s okay after all, Minho could bear one more person to disappear from his life. He will be able to get over it; he did it before. It was okay; Chan will be here, Chan will be here as he always did. Nothing to fear, nothing to be worried about, Chan was here for him. As always, forever, and always.

When Woojin finally left, and it was just him and Minho again, the first thing he muttered was:

“I’m sorry Chan, you weren’t supposed to find about it like this. You were just so busy these days; I didn’t know how to talk to you about all of that.”

It was his fault, his mistake, he could only blame himself for this. But it was okay, after all, he had a new memory to collect now, right?

“It’s okay. I’ll never be angry at you for anything, you know, that right?”

Minho didn’t say anything just looked at him softly, with such sadness in his eyes, Chan wasn’t sure how to interpret it for once. He then proceeded to look at the ceiling.

“Yeah, I know.”

…

Dear, Hyunjin,

I know it hasn’t been a month. I’m sending this to you to inform you I’ll be visiting you later this week.

Bang Chan

…

The parlor was cleaner than Chan expected.

Chan wasn’t sure what he exactly expected of a jail in the first place, it’s not a place he wanted to visit often. He wasn’t sure what he was doing here. He just needed to ask Hyunjin something. To find an answer. After going back home from Minho’s one, he thought if there wasn’t any other solution to his Woojin’s problem, another way to collect. Maybe this time, he could save Minho from the pain. You know you can’t. And the only person he could ask advice from was Hyunjin.

He saw him arriving at the door, on the other side of the parlor. He was handcuffed and conducted by a guardian. He didn’t look much different than another prisoner. At one exception, he was smiling. He seemed happy as if prison was the paradise he made it out to be.

When he finally saw him, his smile got even more prominent. When the guardian let him go off the handcuffs, Chan almost thought he was going to break the glass wall between them to throw himself into his arms, but he didn’t. He just sat down quietly, still smiling, and grabbed the phone. And screamed.

“HELLO CHAN, I MISSED YOU, I’M SO HAPPY!!”

“Yes, I’m happy too, Hyunjin. Please calm down.”

“Ah yes yes! But I’m so happy!!! I thought I would be able to see you in a year or two, not just six months! I’m blessed, you’re still so perfect Chan, you’re even more beautiful than before!”

Hyunjin had stars in his eyes as if only seeing Chan for the first time in just six months was enough to make him ascended to paradise.

Maybe it was because he was so used to Hyunjin’s presence before, but he didn’t remember him being this obsessed with him. Perhaps it was just because it’s been a while.

“So, why are you here Channie? You wanted to ask me something?”

 “Yes.” Chan took a deep breath. He will need it. “How did you do not to want to…Collect Minho, before?” Hyunjin frowned.

“…Collect?”

“Yes. Collect.”

“Co- oooooooh.” Hyunjin smiled, “I see.”

“Yes. So how?”

“Hmm. But Chan. I wanted to!”

“What?”

“I wanted to! Every day, every time you looked at him! I wanted to be the one you look at like that. I imagine it so many times, in so many ways, you don’t even know Chan ehehehe. I still think he doesn’t deserve your affection. But you thought he did. So, it was okay with me.”

“So, you didn’t because I didn’t want you to?”

“No Chan. Of course not.”

“So, what?”

“Because you’re you. I knew if I did something you’ll never let me go. But I know you, Chan, you’ll not just kill me, you’ll make sure I regret my actions first, like now.

I didn’t do it, not because I respected the person you liked, but because I feared you, Chan. I’m not that selfless.”

Chan wasn’t happy with this answer. It didn’t help him at all. So, what? It just meant he was right from the beginning? To do all of that and not care, being selfish was the answer?

“Why are you even asking, Chan?”

“Huh?”

“Since when do you care?” Chan looked even more confused. “Since when what Minho will think after made you doubt? You always found a solution, right? Did you forget, you do this for you, but also for him.” Hyunjin looked at the guardian not too far away with a frown, “Never forget Chan, collecting is what makes you happy. In the end, it will make him happy as well. Because you’ll never leave. And you’ll give him all the happiness. As always.”

And Hyunjin was right. Why this time it was different? Why this time he needed someone to tell him it was okay to collect someone’s memory? He never did before. He never required anyone approval, even less Hyunjin’s one. What was he thinking? What was wrong with him?

“Now Chan, I’m happy you visited. I really am. But you have work to do, right? Tell me how it went in your next letter, okay?!”

Chan looked one last time at Hyunjin’s happy face. He wondered if his life will have been happier and more relaxed if it was Hyunjin who approached him all these years back in their kindergarten. But it was too late now. And he was right.

He had work to do.

The advantages of having Hyunjin’s old contacts, it was that his work was easier to do. Paying them wasn’t too hard, he had some things in his collection he could throw out to them that will be valuable enough for them to do something with it. And Chan honestly didn’t care this time to get rid of them if it meant kidnapping Woojin was easy. If it suggested he didn’t put himself in any kind of danger.

The plan was simple. They had to capture him, tie him up, conduct him to an unused warehouse where Chan will be, and after he finished with him, cleaned everything up. Make sure he just disappeared into thin air. It was easy, oh so easy. The killing was so much easier than it used to be.

And for sure, as soon as he arrived at the warehouse, he could see Woojin’s body on the floor, tied trying as much as he could to get rid of them. But people in this field were good, and he doubted he would be able to do it.

He asked them not to cover up his eyes; he wanted him to see what he will do to him. He put his backpack on the floor, loudly. And Woojin finally looked at him.

Chan would never get tired of seeing his victims realizing slowly what was happening. Realizing he wasn’t here to save them but to hurt them. It was kind of funny. Since when did it become funny and not annoying?  Chan just smiled at him. He made sure he was looking at him, and in one slow movement picked up the knife out of his backpack.

“Hello, Woojin. I’m sure you remember me, right?”

But Woojin just looked at him while not saying anything. Chan sighed.

“It’s not polite to not answer you know. Just a nod is enough.”

But still nothing. He was just fixing his gaze to him, his eyes wide opened.

“Well. It’s okay. I can understand you don’t want to move, but you know,” Chan grinned even more, “at the end of the day, you’re still going to die.”

He could see the panic on his face. It was glorious. Nobody could look good like this. Not even Minho’s boyfriend.

Just thinking about it made him even madder, and he stopped smiling. Slowly, he started to walk towards his victim, still with the knife in his hand. When he finally got near him, he kneeled next to his face, and with a sharp movement grabbed his face.

He probably was hurting him a lot. His nails plunged into his flesh, unhurriedly, letting them scratch his cheeks until it was bleeding under his nails. He stayed like this for a moment, doing this while fixing Woojin into his eyes, letting the fear sank further and further into his mind. He needed him to understand he will die. And that nobody will help him. But Woojin decided to close his eyes. Maybe because his cheeks were hurting too much, maybe because he didn’t want to look back at Chan’s face anymore. But whatever his reason was, Chan didn’t like it. Not at all. “Oh really? You dislike my face this much?” No response. “You want to not see anymore so badly?” Still nothing. “Very well.” Woojin felt one of Chan’s hand getting away from his flesh, but he didn’t have time to feel relief about it when two seconds after he felt a horrible pain in his left eye. Chan just planted his knife into it. He just had time to open the right one, because of the shock, just enough to see Chan’s smile one last time before his right eye got planted as well.  The pain was insufferable. He wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, but he couldn’t. He could do nothing except suffering and listen to Chan’s laugh.  “I am not quite nice? Here! You’ll not have to see me anymore!”  But still no answer. Annoying.  “Anyway, I’m not here for your eyes.” Chan looked at his bleeding eyes and wondered if the blood would make it harder to do his work in a few seconds. Maybe the flesh would not look clean enough? He’ll probably have to wash it. “I’m here for your lips. Please refrain from screaming too much, it would be harder if you do.”  But as soon as he did get the tape out of his mouth, Woojin started to scream, probably from pain, and maybe a bit for help, but still, he screamed. Chan looked at the side, annoyed at this body who couldn’t do anything else but scream. He sighed, grabbed his knife, and planted it in his throat. The screaming stopped. And Chan’s ears could live another day.  “Better. I told you not to scream, are you not listening? I didn’t do anything to your ears though.”  But the only response he got was the noises of regurgitation of blood through his mouth. Well, he will definitively have to clean his lips after. If only they could listen when he talked.  

Woojin wasn’t moving anymore; he will probably die soon anyway. So, Chan did what he had to do. He pinched his lips through two of fingers, grab his knife and started to cut. The flesh of the face was so much easier to cut through. No bones to annoy you, and there’s were enough flesh to grab it.

The lips were a bit more difficult though because he had to take both at the same time. He had to be meticulous enough, and not cut through the lips, or it will be ugly. Luckily for him, Chan started to be good at this. Years of killing and collecting made him able to be conscientious enough. Especially now, since he had all the time of the world.

He didn’t know at what point exactly Woojin died in his arms, but he did while he was cutting him. Chan smiled, he suffered until his death. When did it start to be about making people suffer and not collecting their memories?

When he finished, he got up and put, as usual, his new collection in a glass jar. He looked at Woojin’s face, with his eyes pierced, his stabbed throat and missing lips. It honestly looked like a vision from a horror movie. Except for this time, it was a reality. It wasn’t pleasant to look at, so Chan simply moved his head back to his new acquisition.

He looked, and he looked.

Nothing.

He didn't remember anything.

He didn't see Minho’s kiss through this; he was just thinking about it.

It wasn’t a memory. It was just some lips. Insignificant. Nothing to hold onto.

And then he realized.

It wasn’t about memories. It was about revenge.

He didn’t do that to collect; he did that because he wanted to make him suffer. He wanted him to die. It was an excuse. But in the end, a memory was a memory and this…This was just flesh. Disgusting, useless flesh.

Chan looked back at the body on the floor. And then at the lips again.

When did I become like this?

“When did I?”

The whole world was spinning all around him, he didn’t understand. Why, why did he become like this? When did it start? When did he start feeling joy for doing this? It was annoying. It was just a step to make his collection bigger, not enjoyable. But he did. He did find joy in this. Something else than Minho made him happy.

“Minho…”

And Chan broke. He screamed.

He screamed and screamed. His all body felt weak. He let out the jar, which broke on the floor in a thousand pieces. His hands were bleeding, and his mind was spinning. It didn’t take long before he actually fell on the floor.

He then looked back at Woojin. Woojin who made him do this. Made him killed for nothing. Who tried to steal Minho away from him? It was his fault, his own fault that he was like this.

I hate you; I hate you, I hate you.  

He grabbed his knife again and crawled towards Woojin. He stabbed one time on his thigh.

“What do you have that I don’t?!”

Another stab, on his stomach this time.

“What did you do to Minho that I didn’t?!”

From the stab on his stomach, he cut through his body, up to his chest.

“Is it your face? I am not pretty enough?! I’m not manly enough?!”

Then he took back his knife, and cut through his neck, separating his body from his head.

“What should I do? TELL ME!”

It was messy; it was dirty. Chan was crying and screaming, so many emotions he bottled up through the years finally getting to him. Finally, open, and bare for all to see. If only there were someone to do as such. He grabbed his head, and looked at him, with so much despair and hatred.

“Tell me…”

It wasn’t more than a whisper at this point.

“Tell me what I should do to make Minho look at me?”

But a corpse couldn’t answer you. A chopped head either. And Chan could only look at the disfigured face in his hands with sorrow.

It’s the price you must pay for not listening sooner Chan.

Emotions. He never wanted to feel them anymore. Not towards anything else other than Minho.

He needed to let go of the head. So, he did. He needed to change his clothes for something cleaner, so he did. He needed to let his backpack and knife here to let the guys who will come after throwing them away, so he did. He needed to go away, so he did. He needed to call back the men who were going to clean up, so he did.

And when he went back home, he cried one last time and fell asleep.

What happened after, was the usual. Police, a missing report, and still nobody to throw him in jail, like Hyunjin. It was easy. Too easy, as always.

And Minho, Minho looked sad, empty. As if he expected this to happen in the first place. Maybe he did. Minho just smiled and smiled, but it felt as fake as Chan’s one.

The new semester was coming, and Felix departure was anytime soon. Jeongin was sad. Felix was doing his best to comfort him. And Chan just stared. He didn’t want to pretend these days.

“Are you okay Chan?”

“…Yeah.”

Felix looked doubtful.

“Anyway, never forget that when I am in Australia, you’re welcome to visit Chan, my door will be forever open for you. I can at least do that for you, right?”

And that’s when Chan snapped back to reality. That’s right, why he didn’t think about it before?

“Sorry, Felix. Jeongin. I have to go.”

“Huh, sure?”

But he didn’t wait for him to end his sentence that he was already getting away from his house.

And then he ran. He ran and ran until he got to their building. He ran until he arrived at his doorstep. He didn’t even wait to calm down before knocking at his door like a madman.

“…Chan? What is happening why do you look like-“

“Marry me.”

Minho opened his eyes widely.

“…Excuse me?”

“Marry me. Let’s go together to Australia. And let’s get married.”

It was probably the shock, but Minho wasn’t answering. He was opening and closing his mouth like a fish, his eyes still wide open.

“Bu-“

“I always loved you. I don’t know if you do. Quite frankly I don’t care. I don’t anymore at least. I always have been here for you. I’ll never leave you. Never. So please. Minho…” Chan took a deep breath. “Let’s get married, let’s be happy, together. I’ll treat you right, you know that.”

Minho didn’t say anything he just looks at him, softly.

“I…I think I can make you happy at least. I tried all my life, And I know you don’t see me like this but you know I-“

“Okay.”

“Huh?” Minho kept smiling.

“Okay, let’s go to Australia and get married.”

“Really?!!”

“Yes. Let’s do that. We can keep studying there. It’s okay.”

And Chan smiled and smiled.

Happiness. Was it happiness Chan was feeling? Finally.

His own happy ending.

And Minho smiled as well. He couldn’t say it was the same kind he had on his face, it probably wasn’t, but he still did. And it was enough for Chan.

“It’s the best thing to do, you’re right.”

Minho looked at him.

“You’ll never leave me, right?”

“Of course! Never, I promised!”

“Good.” A pause. “Do you remember when people used to say I was cursed?”

Chan frowned.

“Yes?”

“Maybe I was. And maybe it’s time to stop it.” Minho smiled once again gently, “marrying you is perhaps the way to be happy finally.”

Chan wasn’t sure what he meant, but he knew that if Minho wanted to be happy, happy with him this time, then he could give it to him. He could provide him with everything if it meant he was finally just him, and only him. Nothing else to intervene. Just him and Minho.

Forever and always.

Sixth victim: Kim Woojin

Age: 22 years old

Status: Disappeared.

Damages: Forgotten.

Dear Hyunjin,

I’m sorry for not writing much to you these last months. You probably missed me a lot, right? I’m sorry a lot of things happened.

First of all, these letters will probably take longer to come to you now. I moved out. Felix was right you know. Australia is a beautiful country. Studying here is…Different I guess. I think you will like it. But learning English there became kind of useless. I think I’ll try to be a translator later. I should start learning other languages, maybe I should take Japanese or something.

Felix is okay. He’s happier than ever. He’s actually remembering things from his childhood here. I think he needed it. It’s okay; he needs to be happy after all.

I wonder how Jeongin is. He doesn’t send many letters or talk much with me. I know he does to Felix. He’s always on the phone with him. Sometimes Felix tells me how he is worried about him coming here straight out of high school. But the kid is determined. I don’t think Felix could stop him even if he really wanted to. But he doesn’t.

Minho and I…We finally got married. I’m so happy Hyunjin, so so happy. It was cheap, nobody was here except Felix, far away from us, I still try not to make him interact much with Minho even if it’s harder these days, but it was the most beautiful moment of my life. It’s my happy ending. My own happy ending. I’m not sure if Minho loves me like this yet, but I’m sure he’s happier with me than with anyone else.

I’m still here. I didn’t lie. I’m still here. And I’ll never leave. And that’s probably what he wanted the most.

I had to throw away my collection when I moved out. Everything. It was a sad moment. But to have the most beautiful piece of them all, it was all worth it.

I’m sorry Hyunjin, I’ll not be able to visit you anymore. Not in a long time. But I’ll be able to send letters so don’t be too sad. Just know that I’m happy where I am.

Well, I don’t have much more to say. I hope you’re still happy where you are — just one last thing. I don’t think I ever told you that but thank you for everything you did.

Did I become too soft? Sorry, it’s probably the happiness.

Bang Chan.

…

Hyunjin put down the letter on his bed and looked at the ceiling, frowning. Something was bothering him in this letter. But he wasn’t sure what it is.

“Ah! I know!”

It was so simple.

“It’s just not Bang Chan anymore!”

Chapter Text

There are two things Lee Minho remembers clearly from his childhood.

One, he always has been a very social person.

Maybe it’s because of the way his parents educated him, now that he thinks of it, it probably is.

His mother always told him how being antisocial would not make him go far in life, no, what he needed was to make sure people liked him, that people will admire him even.

“Be the best, be the one they want to be but think they cannot. Be the one they jealous, but respect at the same time. Become perfection.”

It was something her mother ingrained in his brain since such a young age, that it became natural for him, that at one point, he wasn’t sure if he was acting or if it was the real him. But to be honest Minho didn’t care, not when he was young, at least. For him, how you act and how you were perceived defined who you were. If he wanted to be like this, then it was him.

Quite frankly, maybe it was him. Perhaps he didn’t need to be repeated over and over to be perfect, for him to be. Minho wasn’t really sure. He just knew he had to act that way, and that it didn’t bother him in the first to do as such. Sure, sometimes he didn’t want to be friendly with some people, but he believed that having good relationships with others, in general, was the best solution.

Did he learn to be Lee Minho or was he born this way, he didn’t know. But he was happy; he never questioned if it was a bad thing or not. It was who he was, who he thought he was. And it was enough.

Minho was a social person. He believed he was, and he liked to make sure people loved him. To make them as his friends.

And that’s how he met him.

Cause Two, he always has been loved by a boy named Bang Chan.

He met him the same way he met everyone else in the kindergarten, by being overly friendly with him, trying to be friends as soon as possible. Except Chan has been different. He was the loner, the one person the other children disliked. They told him he was a thief. Children probably dislike thieves even more than adults. What children possessed, in their minds looked even more precious than adults ’ones. So, for them, Chan committed the worst crime. The Thief.

But Minho didn’t care about all of that. He was on a mission, he was supposed to be friend with everyone, and this Chan was not an exception, whoever he was and how he acted.

“Why are you alone?”

And maybe those were the words that sealed his destiny to Chan’s one.

At first, the boy who he will learn to be Chan looked annoyed. As if he didn’t want him to be here, and well, that probably was the case. But then he looked up and watched him. Stared at him.

And even as a 6-year-old, Minho was already used to this look, the one of admiration, appreciation, approbation.

Love.

Minho wasn’t really surprised by people falling in love. Sure, at this age, it wasn’t how they called it, it would be later, in his teens, that he will understand the whole meaning of love. But even then, he was used to it. So, it wasn’t surprising.

For him at this age, people falling in love with him was just an easier door to take to their hearts and approbation. And Chan was no exceptions.

Minho didn’t see him as a potential friend at first. A true friend at least. He was just one of the people he wanted to make sure liked him.

“You’re not a liar! Liars are bad. I don’t like liars. You know if you give back the toy you took, I’m sure he’ll forgive you! And then we will all be friends.”

And that was true, Minho never liked liars. Because they were the hardest to connect with, to understand. They lied and lied and never told the truth. So how was he supposed to know how to approach them?

But Chan wasn’t like this. Chan didn’t lie. And Chan made sure to listen to Minho. He gave back the toy. And started to be friends with everyone as well. But more than that he stayed by his side.

Minho wasn’t used to that. He was used of people loving him but staying away. But Chan didn’t do that, as soon as he put his eyes on him, he never left his side.

Little did he know back then that he will never ever do.

Chan was…different from others. And as much as he tried to hide it, Minho could see. The collection and the way he looked at others’ possessions was already a sign of how different he was. Granted, it was weird, but Minho didn’t mind much at first. Chan was his friend. And Minho was happy about that when they were children. Sure, he didn’t love him back that way, but he had a friend a true friend. And it meant a lot to him. Ad he thought that with time, Chan would stop loving him like this. Minho didn’t think you could know him for all these years and keep loving him like this. Sure, he was what perfection should be, but perfection was boring and wasn’t supposed to be truly loved, he was an ideal, not reality. But Chan never stopped. Not even once.

Minho saw this glint in his eyes, always. Chan didn’t love him as the others did. He couldn’t tell what was different, but Minho always felt like he could ask anything from him, and he will do it. He never really tested his theory, but it was enthralling as much as it was scary. But once again, he didn’t think much of it until, Jeongin.

Jeongin was a sweet kid. In his horde of followers, as Chan liked to call them, Minho preferred appreciators, he probably was his favorite. Scratch that, he merely was his favorite. He was sweet; he was cute. He had such a bright smile and big gestures, who would not find him adorable? Well, probably Chan. But Minho understood fast Chan didn’t like many people anyway, as much as he tried to look like a social butterfly, he wasn’t one deep inside. Chan couldn’t hide anything from him, but that, Minho wasn’t sure he was aware of it. And well, Chan didn’t like Jeongin. But he still let him go near him. Minho also learned with time Chan was very protective. He didn’t mind much since he didn’t like people being too close in the first place anyway. But still, it surprised him.

And Minho knew at first glance, this forsaken day where everything took another turn for good, that something was wrong.

Chan stopped. Chan looked at both of their hands. And looked back at him when he asked what was wrong. It was just for a minute, just a moment, but Minho saw. He saw the darkness, something ugly, something frightening, but even more than all of that, it was the glare he shot to something he wanted to add to his collection. And that, that was the most frightening part.

A day after Jeongin lost a hand, Minho knew. He knew who was responsible for it and yet never said anything and acted as if he was shocked by the news as if he didn’t know.

But he knew. He didn’t have any proofs, just a feeling, but he knew. He saw Chan after; he saw the look on his face, happy. And he just knew, while crying in his arms as if everything was real, that if he didn’t say anything now, it would happen again.

And he wanted this, to happen again.

It started with a simple thought, with such innocence but with so many consequences:

Does he love me that much?

What would he do for me?

In his immaculate life, Chan finally was a stain of color. Something exciting. And that was his own sin from the start. Letting Chan get away with this.

Perfection was boring and spotless, and Chan was all the dirt he needed.

But nothing too big happened for years after this accident. At a point, Minho even thought he was wrong and that Chan didn’t do anything in the first place. But then, sometimes, the dark glow in his eyes apparated again, and he was convinced again about how right he was.

But he was getting impatient, the stain was fading away, and his life was dull again. The same routine, the same people, always acting the same way. New friends, new gifts from Chan, Seungmin. Changbin. But not enough. It wasn’t enough. It was too perfect, boring.

Minho wanted to know how far Chan could go. He wanted to know what he could do. It was thrilling, just thinking about it. It was something to be excited for. But nothing was happening. Nothing triggered what Chan needed to act on it again.

So, Minho thought that if he did something to trigger it instead of waiting for it, maybe it would be more productive.

And that’s when Felix arrived in their lives. And he got an idea.

He knew Chan collected things from important memories. He knew he never had a crush.

He also knew he wasn’t too bad of an actor.

And Minho smiled while walking towards Felix. Finally, something exciting arrived.

His plan was honestly, perfect. Seducing Felix shouldn’t have been too hard, and at first, it was easy. He saw the blushes and shy smiles. And he also saw Chan dark eyes. And he smiled even more.  Felix was supposed to fall for him, as everyone else does. But unfortunately, there has been an imperfection in his plan, not one he was happy about. Changbin.

Because Felix preferred Changbin over him, and that he wasn’t stupid enough to not see it, his plan was ruined. But it was too late to back out. Chan was now convinced he had a crush on him, that he liked him. So, he had to play it dumb. To make everyone think he didn’t notice anything. But still, it was frustrating because Chan dark eyes started to be light again, to just look at him with love and nothing else. But he didn’t want that.

So, in one last attempt, on the first occasion he saw, he kissed him on the cheek. And Chan’s eyes got somber again.

He didn’t know the details; he just knows that two days after, Felix was scarred for life and that he was amnesic. And Chan looked satisfied.

Ah, he did it again.

It was such a good feeling, knowing someone could do something so terrible just for you. Minho knew it was sick, but it was fascinating.

All his life, people loved him. And all his life he knew they would. But nobody could love him as intensely as Chan did.

He wanted him never to leave his side, to show him more and more how much he loved him, how much he could do. How far could he go in the rabbit hole? It was a sick feeling, but one he couldn’t get away.

Changbin just has been a casualty in this. Honestly, he wasn’t thrilled with it, but it was okay. It didn’t matter anyway — just one thing. He didn’t know what Changbin told Chan, but when he learned he was visiting Felix often, he wasn’t happy about it. Not because he was jealous, but because Chan was caring about someone else than him.

Chan was his. Chan was supposed to care just for him, not for anyone else. He didn’t like it.

Seungmin was another story.

You see, Minho wasn’t really aware of all the rumors there was around him, how could he? People always acted the same, and he was used to being loved. Being anything else than loved, he didn’t know how it was.

“Oh! He didn’t know. You never told him, Chan? That’s your nickname. The cursed one. Don’t you see? Everyone around you is dying or mourning. The ones who mourn are the ones who will die tomorrow. You should feel lucky I’m still here you know? You’re disgusting.”

He wasn’t loved anymore. Not as much as he should have been.

This realization hit him with the strength of a bullet. Suddenly he couldn’t breathe properly anymore. He had to get away. He had to cry. And he had to be sure nobody saw this pathetic moment of him. In their eyes, for now, he wasn’t perfect anymore. And that was the worst thing that could happen.

I hope he dies; I hope he dies, I hope he dies.

Seungmin should die. He was responsible, wasn’t he? He probably was the one spreading those terrible lies in the first place. Minho wasn’t cursed. He was perfect. A curse on someone like him wasn’t possible.

And Minho smiled. He will, wouldn’t he? He did something terrible to him. Very new.

Chan will get him.

How far can you go for me, Chan?

Well, to say the least, Minho thought Chan took his time before killing him. Minho guessed it was something to do with their new friend, Hyunjin, and the heart eyes he was sending to Seungmin.

But if Minho was proud of one thing in his life, it was in his ability to read people. And well, Hyunjin was in love with Chan, that much was obvious. Minho wasn’t sure how to feel about that, Chan let someone who loves him near, but of course, didn’t respond to anything romantic he was throwing at him. He didn’t understand at first.

But then Seungmin died, and it becomes clearer Hyunjin was to Chan what Chan was to him. Except maybe Chan didn’t see Hyunjin as much more than a tool. Examining their alibis, the day Seungmin died, they probably did it together. And ah, he was finally happy. Seungmin was gone.

The best part in all of this was he didn’t have to act as if his death, well disappearance, was affecting him.

Now he could try to win back his old popularity. His mother would be disappointed if she knew what people were telling about him.

“You weren’t careful enough dear. You have to make sure the people around you are trustworthy.”

It’s okay; he had Chan. It was enough.

Nothing really happened while finishing high school, except maybe Hyunjin taking a definitive place in their small group of friends. No, Minho was too busy being sure he got his old reputation back. It didn’t take long before everyone looked at him the same way as before, but he needed to be sure it was ingrained in everyone heads. So much that, by the time they graduated, people cried to see him go. Good.

College wasn’t supposed to be much different, and really it wasn’t at first. He was pursuing something that he liked, and he was sure people reactions to him will be the same as always. Why would it change anyway? The only change in his life was the lack of Chan in it. It made him frown a bit.

He wasn’t used to not having Chan protective eyes on him, watching every step he was making, analyzing every person who dared to talk with him. But he still sent Hyunjin to watch over him.

Hyunjin wasn’t as good as Chan was. Or Jisung would never have happened in his life.

Minho fell in love.

Jisung wasn’t anything special. Sure, he was cute, he was talented, but he wasn’t perfection. If his mother even knew about that, she would be disappointed in his choices.

“Honey listen to me. When the time comes you will have to find a partner, now I don’t really care about its gender, but you must make sure they are valuable. They should be like you, honey. Perfect.”

But it still happened. He fell in love with someone who wasn’t supposed to be worthy of his affection. The scariest part was that he didn’t care. He wanted to be with Jisung.

But blinded by his new-found affection, he forgot about the dirt he let his life be swallowed by. Chan.

When Jisung disappeared this day, it finally hit him, after all these years.

Ah, I cannot be happy.

He hadn’t the right, not after everything he had done. The thing is, he didn’t regret anything. He didn’t regret letting Chan kill and scar. He has wanted it back then, and even now, he didn’t regret anything. But allowing someone like Chan in his life came with sacrifices, he should have known he couldn’t get away with everything. That one day, something like this, something that he will not be happy about, will happen.

Minho has been sheltered all his life by Chan; he was just taking back what was due to him after all.

He wondered what part Chan would take off Jisung.

He didn’t expect Hyunjin going to jail for all of this though. He wondered what he had done to anger Chan to this point. Just a curious though, it wasn’t like he really cared.

Nothing much happened for a while after that. They were back just the two of them, together, with no one else to enter their small bubble. Minho could be content with that. Not happy, not sad. Just content.

But then Chan started to be less and less with him, and Minho was more and more alone.

That’s when he met Woojin.

Woojin was a nice guy. The same as Jisung he wasn’t as perfect as he was, but he was talented in what he was passionate for. Minho kind of admired him for that. He knew what he wanted and didn’t care much about whatever other will think. He just did it. He wondered how it was, to not care. To be free. He entertained the thought for a while. That’s probably why he accepted to be with him in the first place, to know what it was to have a good life. To have something he didn’t deserve to get.

It was nice. He liked it. Minho almost felt sorry when for him when he met Chan for the first time.

This is sadness, right?

The truth is, Minho didn’t want Chan ever to meet him. He wanted to feel like he was normal for once. But he couldn’t.

It’s your fault Minho, never forget. Your responsibility in the first place.

When both left this day, he let himself cry one last time.

“Marry me.”

Quite frankly, he didn’t expect Chan to ever confess to him, let alone propose. But now that he thought about it, maybe it was the best thing to do. To end this once and for all. Too many people suffered because of them, because of him. Too many people died. And if Chan couldn’t feel anything, then Minho was the one who should take responsibilities.

Because he was the biggest monster of them both.

“Do you remember when people used to say I was cursed?”

“Yes?”

“Maybe I was. And maybe it’s time to stop it.”

But as much as Chan was his curse, he was Chan’s one. He sometimes wondered how his life would be if he didn’t cross Chan’s life in the first place. Happier? Duller? He didn’t know.

“Marrying you is perhaps the way to be happy finally.”

But not him because he couldn’t be happy. Happiness was a stain in his immaculate world, something colorful he couldn’t afford. If he did marry Chan, then people around them could be happy. No more deaths. No more mourning. Chan will have what he wanted, and that would be the end.

And that’s what he did. He married him. And his world became entirely white again, no dirt anymore to stain it, nothing.

It’s ironic when he thought about it. How Chan disliked liars so much because of him. How much he disliked lying as well, just because of him. Because one day he told him, all these years ago how bad liars were and how he should not become one. He truly believed in this, as a child.

How hypocrite of him. Him who smiled and smiled but never told the truth about Chan to anyone, who cried and cried, hiding to Chan his real nature. And he lied and lied. He lied all his life.

But it’s okay.

The ones who despise liars are the biggest ones after all.