Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Dudes! I’ve got a GIG! “Nino launches himself at Alya’s and my desk and throws down two white rubber bracelets. He’s so giddy that he’s hopping foot to foot. “And you’re both invited!”

Alya reaches for the bracelet and slides it on her wrist admiring it like it was a diamond tennis bracelet. “What kind of ‘gig’ ya got babe?”

“The best kind!” Nino pulls out his phone and starts flicking his finger across it. “It’s this new primo dance club on the river bank. They use black lights and glow in the dark paints. It’s psychedelic.”

I lean in close to Alya as he hands her the phone. She starts scrolling through pictures of people dancing in the dark. Their clothes and painted skin glowing orange and yellow and green.

“Nino this looks amazing!” Alya exclaims handing him back his phone.

“What’s amazing?” Adrien chimes in siting at the desk in front of them.

This simple acknowledgement used to send my heart a flutter. I used to go weak in the knees and light in the head. It’d been a long time since that happened. Can’t say I miss it though.

Nino joins him and passes him his phone. “It’s my new gig, bro. I’m DJing at this dance club,” he gestures at the phone, “this weekend and was able to score you guys VIP Passes.” He throws another white bracelet at Adrien. “You think you would be able to make it? It’s supposed to be stellar!”

“Look at this place, how could I say no? Besides I’ll never miss the chance to appreciate your genius. Any chance you got another? I’d like to bring Kagami.”

“Uh….I...can maybe … see if I…” Nino hesitates. His eyes flick back to us.

Alya’s eyes cut to me and a small frown pulls down her mouth. For nearly four years now I have suffered the exquisite pain of literally having a front row seat to Adrien talking about his girlfriend. Luckily she goes to a snooty private school and I don’t have to see them together. I don’t plan on changing that anytime soon. I grab my bracelet and lean toward them. Alya eyes me knowing too well what my next response will be.

It doesn’t stop me from trying.

“Hey guys don’t worry,” I extend the bracelet, “you can…”

Alya snatches the bracelet out of my hand cutting me off, “…get another one! Right Nino!”

He looks even more uncertain then before. “Uh…yeah…I’ll get right on it.”

Adrien looks between the three of us questioningly, “If it’s a problem Nino you don’t have to worry about it. Kagami and I aren’t attached at the hip. Besides it’s been a while since I’ve hung out with just my friends.”

Ouch! And there it was. The reminder of my eternal state in the friend zone.

Nino reaches out and cuffs Adrien’s shoulder. “If you wouldn’t mind, Bro. It’s my first gig and I don’t want to make waves.”

“No problem! Just had to ask at least.” Adrien winks at him. “You’re not the only one who doesn’t want to make waves.”

They share a laugh, heads coming together to scroll through more photos.

Alya leans in and whispers roughly in my ear, “You. Are. NOT. Leaving me alone with them. I know how much all this sucks but please Marinette. Nino is going to be DJing and if you give up your bracelet it’ll leave me with just the love birds.”

Her eyes flick toward Adrien to see if he is still distracted. Yep just as unaware as ever.

She turns back to me and continues in a hushed tone. “The last time Nino and I hung out with them she dictated the entire night. We invited them to see that new mystery flick but she wasn’t interested. She wanted to see the new action movie instead. So we sat around for forty-five minutes waiting for the next showing. It was horrible. She talked the entire time about herself. If she did change a topic it was to tell one of us how we were mistaken about something.”

I felt a twinge at this. “But he sounds so happy when he talks about her.”

Alya looks back at Adrien again. “Maybe he is. I don’t know.” Her gaze softens. “He deserves better,” Alya’s eyes go right back to me, “and I’m not just saying that ‘cause I have a perfect candidate.”

I can’t stop my eye roll. “That train has left the station and I’m not sure it’ll ever make a return visit.” Alya’s expression is equal parts derision and sympathy. “I mean it Alya. There’s only so much I can hope that he’ll see me as something more than his friend. It’s been years. That said I don’t want him to be unhappy either. Are you sure you're not just exaggerating? I mean you both are kind of..."

"Kind of what Marinette?"

"Uh kind of ... you both have ....I-I mean yo-you both..."

"Are a bitch?" Her arms cross over her chest and a single eyebrow rises to scold me.

"NO!"

Everyone in the class has stopped talking and is now staring at us. I feel my whole body heat up as I sputter and slink deep into my chair. My awkward behavior doesn't hold their attention however and the background chatter resumes. Nino holds my gaze with a much too knowing grin before he resumes talking with Adrien who in turn takes a second longer watching us before he focuses his full attention on Nino. I feel guilty talking badly about his girlfriend behind his back. Especially since I don't know her that well.

Still scrunched low in my seat I lean closer to Alya and hiss, "you know that's not what I meant. You're both just very ... strong ... confident women who know their minds. And ..and you don't hesitate to speak it. That's not bad thing."

Alya nods sharply to accept the compliment for what it was. I glance back to Nino and wonder what meaning was behind that smile.

"What does Nino say about it?”

“He’s not crazy about her either. He says Adrien does seem to really like her though. I guess a bit before he started dating Kagami he had it pretty bad for some girl but it didn’t seem to work out.” Alya sees my grimace even though I try to turn to hide it. “I’m sorry, girl. I know it’s a sore topic.”

“No, no. Tell me about this other girl,” I say on a sigh.

Her expression remains unsure but she continues. “I guess he had it bad for this first girl. She seemed to be warming up to him but she never wanted to cross that line. He tried to hold out hope but then Kagami started really showing interest in him. She started coming on pretty strong and you know Adrien’s story. He’d never really had someone show him that kind of attention.” Again I fail at hiding my grimace. “Sorry but you know you have never actually told him how you felt. You were always too nervous and tongue tied. The things you did to show him how much you cared he never knew about. Or at least never knew they were from you. Do I have to remind you of the Valentine Day fiasco?”

My lips pull together in a disgruntled pout but I nod my understanding. My head feels heavy and the old hurt flares. I press my forehead into the cool desk to hide from my ghosts and maybe cool my embarrassed flush. My fingers wave circles to let Alya know to continue.

“Anyways,” she says through her concern, “he suddenly had Kagami, this hot girl who he had a lot in common with and who daddy approved of, rubbing up against him. So he gave up on the first girl and focused on Kagami. I don’t know if he’s in love with her or not. He’s such a good guy I think he’d worship her just on principle. It doesn’t help that he has nothing to compare this relationship to so he doesn’t see any of its flaws. Nino and I thought that after a while he would wise up but he seems just as clueless about Kagami as he does about everything else.

“If anyone should understand where he’s coming from it’s you. It’s pretty much the same story you had concerning him. I mean if Luka had…” Realizing she was unintentionally picking at an old wound she stopped short.

I raise my head to look at her in bewilderment. She thought the guy who broke my heart was Luka?

The teacher enters the room and class begins. I have trouble focusing though. While Luka and I would have had such possibilities; our relationship never made it past appreciation. It hurt a little in that I never got to see where it would lead but we were never close enough for him to really hurt me. No, my feelings back then shifted from one blond friend to another.

My friendship with Chat Noir has only deepened over the years but I had started feeling something more after his confession to Marinette about just how deep his feelings for Ladybug were. It made me start looking past his cockiness and immaturity. What I saw floored me. I started to see the vulnerable boy under the mask. His desire to be liked and the extremes he went to achieve it. All of his flirting and showboating was just a cover to express a love he wasn’t sure how to say out loud. I saw just how much he cared about me true but I was also forced to face just how much Adrien didn’t seem to share those feelings.

After I found out about Adrien and Kagami I began spending more time with Chat. We started patrolling more regularly, then sitting and talking after. My luck in love held true, however. I had waited too long to find my feelings for Chat. A misty night patrolling with him had crushed the beginnings of any strong feelings I may have started to develop.

Chapter Text

*4 Years Ago*

The sounds of our feet hitting as we run echo off the roof tops. A light rain muffles the sounds of the city below and cools my exertion flushed skin. I feel disconnected from everything but this moment. I let everything else, every worry, drop away. Behind me I sense Chat closing the distance between us. He, too, seems focused. I’m not sure if he’s trying to outrun demons like I am but he definitely seems to be enjoying himself. Neither of us speaks. We communicate instead in sly smiles and gentle elbows. Normally the silence between us is easy and comfortable but tonight for me the silence is charged. I don’t know what makes it different than any other. Maybe it’s just me that’s different. Seeing Adrien with his arm around Kagami, seeing him lean into her as they spoke, it was strangely freeing. I had focused so much of myself on him and the possibility of us that I lost who I was a little. The perfect example was when I went to get ice cream from André’s with my friend’s. I pretty much ruined it for everyone else and akumatized André. All because Adrien hadn’t shown. Now he was getting serious with someone else... and I was free to do the same.

When I mentioned that there was supposed to be a blood moon tonight Chat was more than happy to meet and watch it with me. I had made the offer because he had been the first person I had thought of when I heard about the astronomical event. Afterward though Tikki had mentioned how romantic it all sounded. Us sitting together, shoulder to shoulder, under the stars looking up at the moon.  The idea was put into my head and it was all I could think about. I had agonized about it to Tikki all week as she apologized and tried to soothe me. None of it had helped. Tonight when I left to meet Chat I was jittery and so nervous I felt ill. In an effort to escape my anxiety I had set out with a determination that bordered on recklessness. Chat had spotted me running at top speed toward our spot and a friendly race had ensued.

I can feel Chat gaining and as he passes he steps right in front of me causing me to falter slightly in my pace. He throws a wink over his shoulder and uses his baton to launch himself to a higher rooftop. My body reacts to the challenge in that smirk and pick up my pace. I throw my yoyo to the next building coming up and swing forward to regain the lead. Just to show off I pivot and begin running backwards. It slows me down a little but my swing gave me enough of a lead to make the risk worth the fun. I laugh as he rolls his eyes. In my merriment I almost miss the way he focuses in on me with a renewed vigor. His speed picks up and I know he is no longer racing but instead going in for the kill. His lips quirk as I yelp and try to spin back around. Too late. Strong arms reach around me. My feet leave the ground. He slides to a stop with me struggling to get loose to no avail. That’s when the torture starts.

His fingers dance along my sides, digging in just enough to cause me to break out in shrill, choking laughter. I struggle to get away but that only opens up my neck to his assault. Claws delicately tickle along the sides of my neck and behind my ears dragging an unladylike snort and hooting. I manage to break his hold but fall forward without his support. As he’s dragging me back by the ankle his fingers rack behind my knee causing all sorts of howling on my part. His giggles join mine as he finds my new ticklish spot. He sits down on my thighs, facing my feet, to trap them and fully inspects this new area. Luckily, his tail swishes into view beside my head. I grab it giving a good jerk. He’s not expecting the sudden shift in his weight and corrects the fall by rolling backwards and bouncing into a standing position. I’m on my feet instantly facing him. My finger points at him and my head shakes slowly to let him know I was done playing. That twinkle in his eyes does nothing to reassure me. Beside us the moon suddenly breaks free of the clouds.

A full red moon hangs in a frame of wispy clouds. Clear cold stars contrast with the deep rich color of the moon within the frame. The Seine flows below it like glass reflecting the moment back to itself. Mist crawls along the edges of the river enveloping the city. Street lights reflect on wet sidewalks but appear hazy through the mist. The city glows like a half forgotten dream with only the moon above holding any true permanence. Well the moon and the dark figure next to me.

“Wow my lady…that is a once in a life time view. I’ve never seen the moon look so large and low. It’s like I could reach out and pull it down.” He turns to me with a roguish grin. “What do you say? Shall I lasso the moon for you, my lady?” Our eyes meet and hold.

I know he meant it in fun, quoting from an old Christmas movie we watched together, but something shifts in me in that moment. I could have blamed Tikki for putting the romantic ideas in my head. I could have blamed the beauty and intimacy of the night. I could have blamed my loneliness and heartache over missing my chance with Adrien. The truth is my feelings have always been there for Chat. He is my best friend. He makes me laugh. He makes me a better, stronger, kinder person. Seeing him stand here, focused on me with such sincerity, opens what I had shut up tight. A warm feeling rushes down my body. My skin tingles and suddenly feels tight. My head swims. I realize how in love with him I actually am. I watch as the smile melts off his face replaced by a curious expression tinged with hope. I’m not sure what he sees but whatever it is makes him take a step toward me and his next word breathless.

“…ladybug?”

I close the distance between us but hesitate just before we touch. My body tightening until I quiver like a bow string. Uncertainty fills me. Old insecurities hold me back. What if I am misreading everything? What if everyone was wrong and Chat wasn’t in love with Ladybug? What if he was just a flirt and I was a challenge? Our bodies just barely brush and I feel the tension in me build. I don’t know how much more I can stand without combusting. A hot, searing flush creeps up my neck and across my face making the cool air turn muggy and oppressive. My breathing is shallow and labored and I know Chat sees it. I watch his eye lids drift a little lower as he watches me. I see his adam’s apple bob with a thick swallow. I can see his pulse thrumming on the side of his neck. He doesn’t look like someone who doesn’t care.

My hands reach up and cover his chest. Now I can feel just how fast his heart is beating. I watch as his eyes glow and become intense. Desire storms in them dark and frightening. His hands lift to my hips as I lean up. I see his chin tuck to meet my lips half way. His hands tighten on me but instead of pulling me in they push me back. His head drops down and turns to the side effectively blocking any chance of my kissing him. His eyes squeeze shut like he’s in pain.

“Ladybug….” This time there is only resignation and regret in his voice.

He’s rejecting me. It hits me hard. He doesn’t want me to kiss him. He must not feel what I do. At least he doesn’t feel it any more. My breath stops at the realization. I dismissed his feelings too many times. My eyes catch his and I see it. He’s moved on.

Damn.

Emotions surge through me. Hurt at the rejection. Stupidity at not seeing his change in feelings earlier. Anger at Adrien for all the time I wasted on him. Helplessness at my vulnerability exposed. I can feel my control slip. I need to get out of here. I bolt away from him nearly landing on my butt. He reaches for my elbow to steady me but I twist to escape his efforts. The movement corrects my trajectory enough to keep me on my feet. I use the jerky movement to put more distance between us as words just start pouring out of my mouth.

“I’msosorry.Ididn’tmeantodothat.Iwasn’tthinking.Justforgetthiseverhappened.I have…” a sob cuts me off and I run.

I don’t look back.

Chapter Text

*Now*

I’m surrounded by beauty.

When things get bad I love finding a perch on the Eiffel Tower during the darkle. The last sparkle light show on the Eiffel Tower, when all the other lights are turned off, is magical. It feels like the world is made of glittering, golden color. Nothing else exists but that light. I close my eyes and loose myself in the rhythm of the flashes. Tension melts from my body. I let go of all my worries. My mind drifts among the shimmering chaos focusing on nothing and everything at once. The world is quiet this far up and there is nothing to distract me from my meditations. That is until the world goes dark.

Leaving my eyes closed to help my feline vision adjust quicker, I sigh into the blackness. Those serene five minutes go quickly and I’m left feeling just as empty as when I arrived. Everything from today comes rushing in to replace my serenity. Maybe it’s time I just went home. My eyes open to stars. It’s striking but too cold and distant to affect me like the light show did. Before I can gather myself to leave, a streak of red catches my eye. I trace the roof tops but can’t locate her. Sensitive ears catch the soft creak of her yoyo though and I’m able to turn in time to see Ladybug’s complicated series of flips before she lands beside me with a flourish.

“Thank you, thank you.” She bows and waves to an invisible crowd before pivoting gracefully toward me. “Oh! Chat! I didn’t see you there.” Her beaming smile gives her away. “Did you see my landing? It was spot on.”

“Don’t steal my puns, lady!” I groan. “It’s all I have!” The truth of the comment hits me and my smile falls flat. She notices the change. “Stop standing over me scowling. Sit!” I pat next to me.

She stands, hands on hips, head tilted with a frowny pout. I can see those wheels turning in her clever little head and stop her before she can ask anything.

“Please, Ladybug. Please sit with me.”

My misery leaks into my words more than I meant. It has the desired effect though, her hands drop and her shoulders soften. Her weight shifts from foot to foot before she slips in beside me and pulls her legs close to her chest. It draws out a softer, more genuine smile on my face as I look down on her. Bright bluebell eyes meet mine. They shine with a sweet happiness that I don’t deserve. It fills me more than the flashing lights ever could. My mind clears. My heart steadies. Without realizing it my arm wraps around her back. Muscles tense under my fingertips bringing me back to my senses. I pull away with a snap and turn away to face the city again. A dejected sigh beside me tugs at my attention but I can’t bring myself to face her again.

We sit quietly looking out over the city; a city that seems as far away as the stars. It pulls away all the warmth I felt just a moment ago. It leaves me feeling hollow again. Lonely. I could probably stay up here and if I didn’t have work for my father no would notice I was gone. My father wouldn’t. Nathalie and Gorilla wouldn’t. Chloé would notice but only if she needed something. Nino would notice eventually, if he wasn’t too distracted by Alya. Marinette might notice but probably would figure I was MIA again.

Would Kagami notice? I can’t really say if she would or not. The conversation between my friends earlier makes me question things. I hadn’t meant to overhear Marinette and Alya talking behind me. It’s just the curse of my enhanced Chat hearing. As much as I tried to focus on Nino talking about his new DJ opportunity their conversation held my attention. They didn’t like Kagami. They thought she was overbearing. Even selfish maybe. It made me think about us. I’m usually the one who sets up dates or texts first or seeks her out. To be fair though, I rarely give her the chance to make the first move. Maybe Alya was right. Do I do things for Kagami on principle…not love? That’s not what drove me up here though.

Marinette.

She wants me to see her as more than a friend…or at least she used to. When did that happen? When did she want more than friendship? I’ve been buried in memories trying to piece it all together. I’ve always really liked Marinette. I always knew she was special. She was always kind to me but that was just how she was. She couldn’t help herself. Even when Chloé or Lila was driving her crazy she was always the bigger person in the end. But could I see her as more than a friend? Hmmm…maybe…if I hadn’t met Ladybug first.

I look over at ladybug. She still sits close by but her head is tilted up and her eyes are closed. Lost in her own head. Her own thoughts. She would notice if I was gone. Well, if Chat Noir was gone. She would notice and move heaven and earth to find me. My ladybug would miss me for sure. For so long she has meant so much to me. If I wasn’t with Kagami wouldn’t I try to be with ladybug? Wouldn’t she be the first person I turned to?

“Stop staring Kitty, you’ll give me a complex.” She scoots closer to me but only to deliver a boney elbow into my ribs.

I hiss at the sharp pain and grab the arm digging into my side. Instead of pushing her away like she expected though I hold her close. Close enough to allow my other claw to sneak around and reach her ticklish areas. After all these years I know every sensitive spot.

“Stop! Stop! I give up!”  She squeals and twists to try and escape but I don’t let up.

Her laugher makes my mind drift to another time her laughter surrounded me. A time when her lips parted and drifted close to mine. A time when I made the biggest mistake of my life. I hurt her. Worse than that I let her leave without explaining what was going on. I stood watching as tears streaked down her face and her chin trembled and she literally turned and ran from me. I fell so hard for Kagami that I turned my back on a girl I had sworn total devotion to. If I was beginning to doubt those feeling for Kagami how could I ever consider anyone but Ladybug. Even if it’s Marinette.

Guilt swells in me and when Ladybug tries to scoot away I let her escape. She turns triumphantly but smothers her gloating when she sees my mood.

“What’s bugging you kitty?” Her grin is wicked. “What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?”

I roll my eyes at her. Is this what I sound like? Her playfulness drops instantly and I feel a little guilty for making her feel bad.

She scoots close again. “I’m sorry if it seems like I’m not being serious,” her hand wraps around my wrist, “I was just trying to make you smile.” Her face tilts up to mine as her eyes search.

How can I resist those eyes? Deep pools illuminated by moonlight. Drowning me in regret… and longing. My hand reaches out to her cheek. Fingertips trace smooth, warm skin. Following it back into dark hair. She shivers under my touch and I desperately need her. I want to feel. I want to know without doubt someone loves me. I want to love someone and have them return it. My hand grips her head and my lips reach for hers.

Hungry.

Desperate.

“No.”

Her words stop me cold. My lips not quite touching hers. Her breaths coming short and quick against my skin. Her whole body ridged. What am I doing? I shoot away from her trying to give her space.

“I’m so, so sorry. I have…”

“No, no, no. You’re fine I was just…”

“…no excuse. I should have never tried to…”

“…surprised. I thought you were…”

“…kiss you without your permission. I…”

“…with someone.”

“…Damn.”

My hand grips the back of my neck. A sudden migraine making my head pound. I hold up both hands to stop us from talking over each other.

“Listen, ladybug I am sorry. No matter what, I should have never put you in that position. Especially, after…,” my eyes hold hers for a second before focusing on the city below, “everything. I am with someone and…”

What could I possibly say?

“I’m with someone and my actions aren’t fair to anyone. I was being selfish. And presumptuous. And...” I push off the iron beam to stand, “I’m confused and dragging you into my drama. I’m sorry.”

Silence hangs thick between us. I chance looking at Ladybug. She's all eyes. Her mouth pulled into a taunt line. She holds my gaze blandly for a beat longer before breaking the silence.

"It's okay. It's all history."

I can’t read the expression. It’s killing me to know what she’s thinking. Is she angry? Disappointed?

I can’t ask. I have already imposed on her more than I should. I need to figure out how I feel before I do anything else.

“I’m going to head home. Thanks for sitting with me. Night.” I yell over my shoulder as I push off with my staff. I don’t give her a chance to respond.

I race home without looking where I’m going, too caught up in berating my own stupidity. Before I know it I’m flying through my bedroom window and calling for the transformation release in one smooth motion. Plagg doesn’t even pause to rib me about my behavior before burying himself in Camembert cheese on the coffee table. I follow behind in the dark, not needing the light to see, and fling myself face first on my sofa. I consider screaming my frustration into the white leather when I hear a sound. I look up and see Plagg’s tail flicking out of the cheese container. I look around and movement draws my attention to my desk. My desk chair spins lazily on its own. I look around but the room is empty. I pad over to the desk but nothing looks disturbed. Was someone in my room just now? I go to my door and open it into the silent void of my home.

No sounds greet me. No movement. Only grave stillness. The door slides closed without a sound. I wouldn’t have heard if someone had closed it when I entered. Maybe there wasn’t anyone. Maybe Plagg hit the chair as he searched for cheese. Maybe I’m just piling on to distract myself. With viciousness, I rip off my shirt and change into sleep shorts. Feeling foolish and self-destructive I crawl across the bed pulling blankets over my head.

I need to get my act together.

Chapter Text

Saturday Alya and I find ourselves standing in front of my bedroom mirror in the most ridiculous outfits I had ever seen. Alya’s hands fix the collar of her white crop top that is skin tight and just barely comes down enough to cover her bra. She loosens a hot pink tie and pulls it over her head; adjusting it under the collar until it falls over her bare midriff. She wiggles her hips and tugs up a pair of bright orange hot pants making them sit just a little higher up. She turns inspecting the way her butt cheeks now peak out of the bottom. A sly smile tugs up her lips. She leans closer to fix the two braids framing the top of her head and catches my eyes in the mirror.

“Do you think the boots are too much?”

“Knee high boots with fringe? What’s over the top about that?”

“At least they’re a soft lilac color.”

“Yeah …” I say giving her the side eye. She just laughs and pivots back and forth in place making the fringe flick and sway.

Before I realize what’s happening she grabs onto my hand and twirls me. As I face back around an undignified squeak leaves me when she dips me low. The momentum of the movement causes the strap of the electric blue bikini top I’m wearing to loosen and come undone. Alya’s eyes widen as she holds me in the air then start to drift down. My squeak hits an even higher pitch and my hands shoot up to keep from total exposure. With a toothy grin at my modesty she swings me back upright, twirling me until I’m facing away from her in one quick motion.

“Glad that happened here and not at the club. Unless that was what you were going for,” She giggles to herself as she ties my straps again.

My head feels light and anxiety starts clawing at me. “Har har. I think I have enough skin showing don’t you?” I catch her eye in the mirror and she winks at me. “I’m serious. I’m not sure I can wear this out.”

A small frown pulls her face downward and her hands rest on her hips. She is still behind me as we both face the mirror so I see her clearly looking over my outfit. I had chosen the bikini to complement my eyes and accentuate my body. Under the black light my skin would appear dark but my best bits would glow drawing everyone’s eye to them. Once on though I had tried to temper the amount of skin showing by wrapping hot pink ribbon around my body and down each leg. My plan backfired. The addition only increased the seductive quality of the outfit. As a last ditch effort, I threw on a tutu where each ruffle is a different shade of neon to give the design a bit of whimsy. Still, it all seems like it’s too much…or not enough. Adding more layers at this point would just look silly though and a new outfit would take too long.

Alya sighs as she starts fussing over the pins in my hair making sure none had come loose. She had pulled my hair into a high ponytail with the top section teased to resemble a Mohawk. She had then spent ten minutes pinning small yellow stars throughout. She had said that the effect on my hair should look like the night sky under the black lights. She seems to collect her thoughts before meeting my gaze in the mirror again.

“Listen it looks bad now because we stand out. We’re in your bedroom with a lot of light and look out of place. Once we get to the club though our outfits will fit right in and probably be tame in comparison.” She comes around to stand in front of me. Her eyes are soft when she continues, “If when we get there you still feel uncomfortable we can leave. No questions asked. No matter what. Me and you are gone. Okay?”

How can I say no to that? “Okay.”

But then another problem pops into my head. “How are we going to get past my parents looking like this?” Sure being eighteen should mean more freedom but I can’t help and feel like this was pushing it. Alya had already thought of this apparently because she suddenly threw a trench coat at me.

“Just follow my lead and keep quiet.”

We get down the stairs without making any noise and she carefully opens the front door. Then she grabs my arm and practically throws me out before ducking out herself. She leans her head back in and starts rattling off our plans to my parents in the other room.

“Hey! We’re heading out! Sorry we’re running late! We’ll be back by curfew! Bye, Love You!”

We take off running through the bakery and out the front door, clutching at each other and laughing as we went. We bust out of the door and almost fall face first on the sidewalk. Luckily, our awkwardness worked in tandem to keep us on our feet.

“Hey there lovely ladies! Need a ride?”

We both turn to find Adrien a little up the street waiting for us. He’s leaning against a Taxi with his long legs crossed at the ankle. He pushes off to stand in all his glory as we walk toward him, arm in arm. My breath catches. I drop my eyes to the pavement but the image of him is already burned into my brain. A neon green mesh tank in real life does more for him than any shirtless magazine spread I have yet to see. He’s always been lithe but over the years his shoulders and arms had filled out with tightly packed muscle. Glimpses of his abdominal muscles are visible through the shirt which falls just to the top of white, form fitting pants. Geez the way those pants cling to his thighs are going to get me in trouble if I’m not careful. Damn if that train wasn't coming back to the station just to spite me. I squeeze my eyes closed and let Alya pull me along as I try and distract myself.

He has a girlfriend. He has a girlfriend and I no longer like him. He has a girlfriend. He has a girlfriend and I’m only a friend. Only a friend. Only a friend. We’re only friends.

Alya woof whistles and my eyes pop open in surprise.

“We need to take you out more often Adrien! Shit son! I had no idea you clean up so sexy.”

His cheeks turn an adorable shade of pink as he lifts an arm to scratch behind his neck. The movement making his bicep pop and his shoulder flex. Swallowing becomes a struggle.

Alya looks at me meaningfully with a smirk and eyes that make me realize she’s up to something. “Mari it’s too hot for these coats. Take yours off and I’ll throw them in my car before we go.”

I stare her down. “I’m a little chilly. I think I’ll keep it on.”

She laughs and starts tugging at the buttons. “Nonsense. We’re getting in the cab which will be warm and then you know the club is going to be hot with all those people. Then you’ll be dancing and the coat will only get in the way. Off. Now.”

She knows that by arguing with her I’m only drawing attention to what I’m trying to hide. I bite the inside of my cheeks and stiffly remove the coat, keeping eye contact with her the entire time. I pour as much venom and murder as I can into the silent exchange. Finally I thrust the coat at her. She only cackles and sprints across the street. I glare after her for a second. How long can I delay looking at Adrien before it gets weird? I let out a slow breath I had been holding and look at Adrien out of the corner of my eye. I watch as his eyes drift down my body a little too slowly to be considered polite. The shock of seeing him blatantly checking me out causes me to turn sharply toward him. His attention snaps up to my face guiltily then straight to the ground.

Holy Hell!!!! Was Adrien just checking me out?!

Chapter Text

Over the years I’ve become really good friends with Marinette. When Nino and Alya started dating they would invite us along as a bit of a buffer. I had always liked Marinette though so I didn’t mind. It was nice not to have Nino drift away in order to hang out with Alya but I also got to see just what an amazing person Marinette truly is. When I first met her it sucked being on the wrong end of her anger but I was able to see what a strong person she was. She didn’t let Chloé walk all over her which I know from firsthand experience is hard to do. Besides that she held me accountable for what she thought was my part in putting gum on her seat, something that can be hard to do when the person in question is the son of your idol. Despite what she believed though she still listened to my side of things with an open mind and accepted it with grace. She became one of my favorite people and I love being friends with her.

She never really seemed to warm up to me though. She was always super nice when we were together but she seemed to always want to be somewhere else. Once when I offered her a ride home after we bumped into each other she muttered some excuse that didn’t make much sense and declined. Plus, she seemed awkward with me when she was confident with everyone else. She would sputter and cut the conversation short if she talked to me at all. She slowly got better about talking to me but I usually had to be the one to instigate the conversations. She was worth it though. I would do anything for her. For Alya and Nino too but especially her. I knew she was special since that first day in the rain. I never wanted to ruin what we had. Maybe that’s why overhearing Alya and her talking about how she used to feel about me was such a shock. I never let myself feel something because I never thought she may feel something in return. And now...seeing her standing there on the curb watching Alya run to her car. I realize there's something there already. I realize I haven't closed myself off from the idea as completely as I thought. I also notice she's breathtaking. It shakes me to my core.

I had never really looked at Marinette as anything but my best friend. It was like knowing Nino was a good looking guy but it just didn’t do anything for me. The same was true for her, I knew she was pretty but never had I imagined her like she looked now. Her pale skin seems to glow in the street lights and there is a lot of it. The pink ribbon wrapping around her body highlights every delicate curve. The desire to touch her makes my fingers twitch and my legs feel like they are going to give out. She turns to face me catching me looking her over. I rip my gaze to her face but see her eyes widen and a dark flush travels from her face down toward her surprisingly full…Shit!

Guilt smacks into me and I focus on the sidewalk under my feet. I can’t believe I’m ogling her like this. God she must feel so uncomfortable. What was wrong with me? Would she be affecting me this way if I didn't think I still had a chance with her? Damn what would Kagami think? Should I say something to her? What do I say to Marinette? Shit. What about Ladybug? This is all too much. I need to get my shit together. Do I just play this off? Do I apologize? Should I even be with Kagami if I’m feeling this way about other people? Especially if that someone is Marinette…

Marinette.

I look back up at her. She’s turned away slightly to look for Alya. I can tell she’s feeling uncomfortable. She stands with her feet crossed and an arm is held tightly across her middle to grip her opposite elbow while she chews the thumbnail of that hand. I hate that I made her feel like this. What can I do to correct this?

I shift on my feet for a second and clear my throat. “Uh…Ma”

I don’t think she even hears me when I’m cut short.

“Sorry guys ready to go?” Alya bounds up to the cab and climbs in the front seat.

I miss my chance to apologize and now I’m going to be in the back seat with Marinette. Alone. In the dark. Can my life get any more complicated? As if I didn’t have enough to deal with.

_______________

Adrien opens the rear door and I slide in to make room for him. Alya throws a smirk and a raised eyebrow over her shoulder at me. I stare her down and run my extended thumb across my neck. She just giggles and faces front. The cab is a smaller model and I have to watch to not brush against Adrien as we buckle and settle in. Once the car starts moving I watch him out of the corner of my eye. Lights flicker and fade across his face as we drive. He has no right to be so beautiful. He glances over and catches me watching him. I try to flick my gaze to the window but I know he saw me.

My eyes drag back to his and I wrench a self-conscious smile to apologize. It doesn’t seem to help the tension between us. In fact it seems to make it worse. Adrien is visibly uncomfortable. It’s not the first time he’s caught me staring so why is he acting almost nervous. Is he embarrassed that I saw him checking me out? It’s not like he put the moves on me or anything. Besides when he gets embarrassed he usually just withdraws. Right now he’s acting jumpy. His right hand starts to tap the armrest and the ring on his finger clicks against the plastic. What is getting to him? I watch as his leg starts to bounce, too. His eyes shift restlessly to mine then back to the window. His whole body is practically vibrating. Geez what is wrong with him? The nervous little sounds of him biting his thumbnail finally make me snap.

I reach over and grab his tapping hand and push my arm down on his legs to still them as my other hand pulls his nail out of his mouth. His eyes focus on mine and I feel the irritation drain from me. His body goes still against mine. The cab is too dark to really see his expression but his eyes almost seem to glow. He stares at me like he can see me just fine. I feel my frown soften and my lips part as I hear him swallow. It’s then I realize how close I am to him. How much bare skin is touching. Is this why he was nervous before? Because of me? Because of how I was dressed? Because of how I looked dressed like this? Surely not. I’m leaning so far over to reach his opposite hand that I’m practically in his lap. I can feel the heat from his body.

He slowly turns to face me directly and I feel his breath. It smells like mint. I feel my heart go erratic and my breathing joins in. This creates a problem because my thinly covered breast brushes against his arm with each ragged breath I drag in and force out. My nipples harden at the contact and Adrien makes a harsh noise in the back of his throat. Damn him for noticing. Damn him for waiting all these years to treat me like a woman. Damn him for drawing these feelings out of me that I had buried. Those strange luminous eyes drift down to my mouth and I’m overcome by déjà vu. The shock of it draws me back to my side of the cab.

I can’t see his reaction but I notice his eyes don’t appear bright any longer. Those glowing eyes…am I just seeing what I want to see? Chat’s rejection of me had changed how I saw myself. I had grown a lot afterward but I still held those feelings. He was my partner though and I had to make peace with my realization. Instead of pining I had locked it all up again. Was I just transferring all of that on to Adrien? Was that what this was? I don’t think so but I can’t be sure. Those eyes in the dark; they spoke to me. I just couldn’t decide who was doing the speaking.

I turn and focus my attention on the world as it rushes past but I still am too aware of Adrien next to me. I can feel his anxiety rolling off him. What is he thinking about? Is it about me? Is he just attracted or does he have feelings after all this time? What about Kagami? Did I just imagine his reaction? Geez, I thought I had made it to a place where I didn’t hope for the impossible anymore. I hear Adrien shift uncomfortably next to me. The possible cause of his adjustment brings a new rush of warmth through my body. Damn him and damn that train making a comeback.

Chapter Text

We finally pull up to the club and I release a breath I wasn’t aware I was holding. The building looks like a basic office building. There’s a parking lot full of cars off to the side but I don’t see anyone. No one but a very large man in front of typical glass office doors. Adrien practically jumps out of the cab. He gets a few steps before he seems to realize how he looks. Dragging to a stop he hesitates before turning back to open Alya’s door and hold the door open for me. Alya throws me a toothy grin before she steps out. Adrien’s eyes remain stubbornly fixed on the sidewalk as I slide to the open door. The cab is parked just far enough from the curb that it is awkward for me to try and step out. It doesn’t help matters that I am wearing white platform stilettos. I grab onto the side of the door to give myself leverage when I see Adrien’s hand before me.

I look up into his face as my hand slides into his. That glow in his eyes is back but his face looks bored. My eyes stay locked on his as my fingertips brush along the inside of his fingers to his palm. The skin to skin contact makes my nerve endings tingle and the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. There’s a buzz between us as I brace my feet and let him pull me out of the cab. He’s stronger than he looks and pulls me up with no difficulty. When he reached for me he had to step close to the curb. This leaves very little room between the curb and his much larger body. As I get to my feet I end up flush against him. The tension that has been strumming between us suddenly spikes.

My heartbeat goes wild and I feel like I’m going to combust. He seems to have the exact opposite reaction to our proximity. His nerves from before have compressed to a solid wall. He stands ridged in front of me and watches me with hooded, cool green eyes. I can’t read him. Is he irritated at my invasion of his space? Is he just being polite so I don’t feel awkward? A rebellious part of me flares. I will draw some kind of reaction out of him. Without really thinking I arch my back and press my body into his a little more. I hear an audible click as he tries to swallow and his eyes bore into mine.

Someone clears their throat behind us loudly.

Adrien recoils. He still had my hand though and the loss of support in the front with the slight tug on my hand made me over correct backward to stay upright. I step back and my heel goes over the edge of the curb. The backward motion makes it impossible for me to save myself. My hand is ripped from Adrien’s as I fight to balance but it’s useless and I fall back. I am stopped midair by a strong arm around my waist. Before I can even register what has happed I am swung further from the curb and plopped unceremoniously on my feet. I look up at Adrien but he has turned his back on me. He swings the door to the cab closed with an apology to the driver but still doesn’t face me.

“Any time guys,” Alya laughs over her shoulder.

She walks up to the guard at the office building and holds up her bracelet. He flashes a hand held black light at it and motions her inside. She waves for us to hurry and walks in.

Adrien looks over his shoulder at the office building and walks right past me to follow Alya. I stand for a second trying to tap down my seething emotions. I don’t know which is worse feeling this attraction to him or thinking he feels the same only to have him dismiss me. I enjoy the feel of the cool breeze across my heated skin for a few more seconds before I follow Alya and Adrien.

When I turn toward the building I see Adrien standing there with the door open but he looks everywhere but me. Why does he have to be so hot and cold? I check in with the guard and move inside. Adrien’s eyes catch mine just as I enter. He looks so unsure that I can’t hold back a grateful smile. He just blushes and shrugs, following behind me into the main lobby.

The building is pretty unremarkable when we enter. Fluorescent lights flicker over doors lining either side of a wide hallway leading down to two elevator doors. One in particular glows with several different colors in the dim light. Alya is nowhere to be seen. She must have already figured out where the club was.

“I guess that’s the entrance.” Adrien indicates the door with a jerk of his head.

“What gave it away?”  I poke him in the ribs as I walk away.

I tap on the call button and feel Adrien come up beside me. This close to the elevator I can hear the faint sound of bass from above.

“Alya sure took off fast. Didn’t even wait to ride the elevator with us.”

I just shrug, “It doesn’t surprise me that she didn’t. She’s not a leisurely walk, take in the atmosphere, kind of person. Besides I know she was itching to see Nino before he went up to DJ.”

We don’t wait long before the doors open with a ding. More designs are glowing along the walls but that seems to be the only light source in the space. I hesitate to be in such a dim confined space.

I can feel Adrien’s smirk. “After you, princess.”

The term of endearment makes me stop short and hits an already raw nerve. I jerk my eyes over to Adrien’s and see his green eyes widen slightly. Like Manon when I catch her sneaking sweets from the bakery. I watch him for just a second longer but that damn poker face slams down and I can no longer read him. I turn sharply and enter the cab trying to bury a suspicion that is snowballing out of control.

_______________

I follow Marinette into the elevator and see that the top floor button glows hot pink.

“11^th floor it is.”

I hit the button and move a comfortable distance away from Marinette who’s brooding in the corner. I slipped up calling her princess. I blame everything that’s happened and this damn thing between us tonight. It’s putting me on edge and making me reckless. It’s not the first time I’ve slipped with the nickname but usually she just over looks it. Tonight though, with everything that has happened, she’s on edge. The way she looked at me in the cab on the ride over. She saw Chat for a moment. Now calling her by Chat’s nickname for her, I’ve really dug myself a hole. I never have had trouble separating myself from my alter ego before. I don’t know why tonight is any different. Something about Marinette is tugging at me like a lost memory. I just can’t place it.

I’m trying to think of a way of deflecting her thoughts when I hear her clear her throat.

“Adrien, if you don’t mind me asking,” dread fills me and I try to hear her over the sudden buzzing in my ears, “Why do you have callouses only on your thumb and index finger?”

I suddenly feel like my head is floating and release an airy chuckle. That was NOT what I thought she was going to ask. I look over at her but she just watches the numbers above to door slowly light up and go out.

Did I just overreact? Has tonight all been in my head? Has stress done something to my head? Man, no matter what the answer is I dodged a bullet.

“I only have them on my right hand. They’re from fencing. My dad has always bought the best gloves available to use, which has helped, but he makes me practice. A lot. So the pad of my thumb and the outer edge of my index figure has gotten a little rough over the years. You should see my feet.” Feeling suddenly jubilant at my good luck I turn and wink at her, “I could never be a foot model.”

Her eyes meet mine and she gives me an easy grin. “Oh, I’m well aware. I’ve seen you at the pool.”

My head is thrown back with the force of my laughter; there’s an almost giddy quality to it. Her barb catches me off guard and lightens my mood further. I move closer and shove her shoulder gently making her giggle.

The elevator door opens and we walk out. The discomfort and tension of the last hour, of the last few days, is left behind in the elevator.

Chapter Text

We walk into chaos.

Rippling blue light rolls around us as if we had entered an undersea kingdom. There is nothing tranquil about this ocean though. A seething sea of glowing bodies dance in the center of a sunken dance floor. Bubbles shine an eerie blue as they float above them and mingle with fluorescent fish near the ceiling. Low seating, teeming with people, overlook the dance floor. The air is humid and stinks of a million different odors. Even at the entrance unknown bodies push and brush against me. Upbeat techno music vibrates the air making normal conversation nearly impossible.

I see Alya’s fiery red hair, enhanced by the orange gel we streaked through the strands, standing next to a very large man. I try to yell at Adrien but the music drowns my words. Instead, I grab his hand braving that tingling electricity that travels deep into my body. His eyes reach mine and reflect back at me like a cat’s. I’m momentarily stunned. Why can’t I suddenly get Chat out of my head? Being this close to Adrien is hard enough without me confusing it more with my deeper feelings for Chat. I steel myself and jerk my head in Alya’s direction. He nods but keeps hold of my hand. I’m dragged close behind him as he moves through the crowd.

We arrive to see a self-satisfied grin on Alya’s face. Nino suddenly appears from the darkness with a toothy grin of us own. He points up and disappears again. Alya holds up her bracelet to the large bouncer to scan and stands with a hand pointing into the darkness. As we approach a set of stairs glow green and blue behind a black wall. That’s where the VIP area must be. I glance around. There is a mezzanine above but it’s enclosed and the black walls make it blend in and hard to notice.

We scan our bracelets too and go to ascend the stairs. Adrien seems to notice for the first time that he’s still holding my hand. He looks back at me with waves of ocean light caressing his features. It’s then I notice a band of red like a mask starting at Adrien’s temple, crossing his eyes and ending at the other temple. The make-up must be designed to only show up under black light because there was no trace of it before. Cat green eyes burn behind the mask and my throat closes up. He’s completely unreadable as his thumb skims over my knuckles. Then he just releases my hand and bounds up the stairs after Nino. I turn a questioning look to Alya still feeling the sting of Adrien’s eyes.

It’s then I realize how much her make-up looks like her alter ego, Rena Rouge. Orange paint coats her upper lids and white coats the lower lash line. It flicks down at the inner corners of her eyes then flicks up at the outer corners. Even her braided hair looked like ears under the lights. I wonder if she did that on purpose. Glowing red lips are pulled down into a frown as she glares at Adrien’s back. I give her a shrug and we carefully make our way up to a black wall with a shining yellow knob floating in the vastness.

_______________

I easily catch up to Nino at the top of the stairs as he jerks on a knob and a door opens. The noise level drops considerably as the door swings closed behind us. On the right is another black door with an ‘employees only’ sign. On the left is a glass door that looks into a glittering water wonderland. Blue curtains flow along the wall from floor to ceiling. Wave projectors make it look like the curtains have water flowing along their surface. White sofas line three walls with clear tables sitting in front of each. Cool greens and pinks and purples and blues spotlight glittering glassware on the tables. Gauzy, sparkling jellyfish hang from the ceiling. The fourth wall is entirely glass and overlooks the dance floor.

“Soooooo….” Nino gives me a wolfish grin, “Having fun?”

I feel my mouth tighten and I quirk an eyebrow at him. “Yeah considering we just got here.”

“You had a pretty good hold on Marinette’s hand just a second ago.”

Leave it to Nino to get right to it.

“I felt several people tug on her while we were walking over. I didn’t want her to get separated.” I force my face into a bland expression and casually hold his gaze.

“You know Alya has been with you guys all night right?” His eyes challenge me to continue to dismiss what he was suggesting.

My mind flashes back to the image of Marinette at the bottom of the stairs just a second ago. Her small hand sending unsettling shivers along my skin draws my attention to her face. Her once natural makeup suddenly glows bright under the black light. The slant of her eyes exaggerated with bright orange make-up making already bright blue eyes stand out. Her lips are painted a glowing red to resemble an artificial pout. The freckles scattered across her nose and checks highlighted to look like glitter. In that moment I had wanted to kiss her. In that moment it had taken everything in me to turn around and run. No I need to stop burying my head in the sand. I can’t dismiss the fact that I was developing a thing for Marinette.

“What do I do Nino?” I feel defeated and hang my head.

Caught off guard Nino is speechless for a second, just enough time for the girls to come through the door and practically knock us over. It takes a few seconds of tangled limbs and stepped on toes and shifting around before we’re all standing comfortably on the landing. Nino holds my gaze a second before clapping his hands together sharply. The girls jump a little but he just chuckles.

“Ok! Welcome to the VIP Lounge. As you can see it’s not that crowded but there are other people so sit anywhere that doesn’t say reserved. There are attendants in the lounge to bring whatever drinks you need. On the house.” Alya claps and jumps in place. Nino winks at her before continuing, “I have to go on in about an hour but I can hang out before then. If you want drinks while you dance you do have to wait in line down there but just flash the bracelet when you order and those will be on the house as well. If you don’t want to wait in line just head back up here and they’ll take care of you. On that note I’m gonna go get a drink.”

He extends his arm to Alya who slides in close to him and they go through the glass doors. I hesitate and go to hold Marinette back but she has already gone through the door too. I stand watching Marinette walk away from me. I feel a twinge I’ve never felt before. I don’t like it. It feels like she is taking a part of me with her as she leaves. Watching the steady swing of her hips I feel an irresistible tug to follow. A tug I have only really felt with ladybug. I made a mistake turning away Ladybug all those years ago but maybe it was for the best letting her love slip through my fingers. Everything has gotten so complicated. This push and pull and missed opportunities happening to a point where I'm not even sure how either of us feels now. Everything around us is so muddled. Marinette on the other hand is a new beginning. I have always been able to rely on her as a friend but now I see she reaches a place only Ladybug had before. She feels like home. Like Hope. My feet move to follow after her but before I take a step I hit a wall.

Kagami.

I'm still with Kagami. I am with someone who I have said I loved for years. Someone I felt like I did love. But what do I really know about it? It's a concept warped and skewed by the way I grew up. I was treated like a trophy; admired and praised but left behind glass. The few people who did interact with me on a more personal level did so for their own advantage. Maybe that’s why when Kagami befriended me I was so struck by her. She never treated me with kid gloves. She talked to me like she was interested in me. Not my name. Not what I could do for her by association. She wanted to know me. It was hard not to become enamored by her. She made me feel like I mattered. It also helped that she came from a similar background. High expectations. Strict rules. Very little privacy. We could be ourselves with each other without fear of the repercussions. It was intoxicating.

I fell hard and fast.

Was I being myself with Kagami though? Over the past few days, I have been asking myself this. Did I truly love her and am I smothering some parts of my Chat persona simply because it seemed to annoy her. More and more I feel like I am just trying to fill a role for her. Playing a part just like I have done my whole life. All these years I have been the doting boyfriend. Never allowing myself to see past her. Wanting to protect her. Never wanting her to feel the disinterest I have experienced my whole life. Was I going to turn my back on all that and hurt her now? I can't help the image of Kagami frowning at my puns slipping into my thoughts. Her rolling her eyes at my theatrics. Being around Marinette tonight, I realize she laughs at my playful side. How, in her absurd moments, she joins in and takes my clowning to the next level.

No. I can't make any decisions tonight without speaking with Kagami first. She deserves that much. After my almost slip with Ladybug and now my feelings for Marinette; I can't keep pretending that everything is okay. Warmth fills me as I consider Marinette. I pull out my phone and text Kagami.

‘I need to see you as soon as you have some time.’

I put my phone away and grab the glass door. Marinette’s eyes meet mine as I swing it open.

Suddenly, I feel like I’m walking toward my destiny.

Chapter Text

I follow behind Nino and Alya as we enter the VIP area. I hear the door close as soon as I go through and realize that Adrien hasn’t entered with us. I make a physical effort not to look back to see what he is doing. Instead I focus on putting one foot in front of another as my head swims.

What was Adrien doing?

Nino leads us over to one of the white sofas close to the overlook and flops down. He bounces a few times before patting the seat next to him and wagging his eyebrows at Alya. She slides in close to him and I sit on the opposite sofa, my back to the door. I try to make an effort to think of anything but the boy on the other side of that door when I see Alya’s flirty smile die on her face. Oh man I wouldn’t want to be on the other end of that glare. I follow her gaze over my shoulder. There stands Adrien, still in the hall, face illuminated by his phone screen, with a big goofy smile. He looks happy. Happier than he’s looked all night. Happier than he’d been with me. It must be someone special. It must be Kagami.

My chest hurts.

But he’s been so…

My eyes sting.

He hasn’t been flirting but he’s been…

My stomach rolls.

But…he actually noticed me tonight.

“Let go of me Nino!” I jerk back in time to see Nino pull Alya back down on the sofa. “He’s spent all night practically dry humping Mari and now he’s out there sending sap to his girlfriend! I’m gonna give him a piece of my mind. And maybe a kick in the ASS!”

“Please Alya! Please.”

Nino drops his voice as he wraps Alya in a hug and rubs soothing circles along her spine. He mummers in her ear but it’s too soft to hear what he is saying. Whatever it is, it works. Her lips purse into a thin line and her eyes could burn a hole straight through Adrien but she stops fighting. Nino releases her from his containing hug and she turns those piercing eyes on him. Her expression is dangerous. They speak in hushed tones and I realize I’m intruding on a private conversation. Before I even make the decision, my feet are moving toward the bar.

“What can I get you, Miss?”

A young blond woman in a tight but professional white button down shirt smiles politely. I hesitate. My eyes are drawn back to the VIP entrance just as Adrien pulls it open. His eyes catch mine and hold. He wears a blinding smile. His steps are long and confident with a swagger I’ve only seen on the runway. Everything about him screams pleased. Like the cat who caught the canary. My misery tightens into a ball.

He’s just a friend. Just a friend. Just be his friend. You can be his friend. Just his friend.

“I want to try something new.” I definitely need something new. “Why don’t you surprise me with something sweet?”

“I have just the thing.”

Her eyes glitter past me as she starts pouring from different bottles into an ice filled shaker. I can’t help my eye roll when I realize she is watching Adrien approach us. She arches her back slightly as she begins shaking the drink and it puts on quite the show. I have to turn away and cover my mouth to keep from laughing. I end up turning toward Adrien just in time to catch his expression. His eyes are trained on the bartender but his brows are pinched and his mouth is pulled in a tight, awkward smile. He seems entranced but uncomfortable at the same time. I can’t help the giggle that bubbles past my fingers. His gaze drifts toward mine and his whole face brightens. That goofy smile is back but this time it’s focused completely on me. I hate myself a little for the way my heart beats faster.

Be cool Marinette. Be his friend.

As he gets close he turns his back to the bar, executing that perfect model lean. My eyes roll away with a dry chuckle.

“And what are you laughing at?”

“You,” I look at him over my shoulder, “you and your posing.” I lean in close and start poking interesting spots. “Is there an off button?”

An airy laugh is forced out of him as he dodges and tries to deflect my jabs.

“Stop! Stop Mari…” giggle giggle “Stop! I give up! I give…”

THUNK!

A champagne glass smacks down under my nose.

I jump and look back to the bartender whose expression is no longer polite. A quick glance shows me that she has been busy while we were distracted. Cleavage greets me as several buttons have mysteriously popped open on her blouse.

“Kir Royale for you Mademoiselle.”

She only holds my gaze for a pointed second before turning a sexy smile to the back of Adrien’s head.

“Is there anything I can do for you, sir.”

Geez, I giggle again at her obviousness and at Adrien’s large, lost eyes as he looks over his shoulder at her. Hmmm…I could save him or make it worse. He turns back to me and whatever he sees makes his golden skin pale. Oh this could be so much fun, a little payback for his flirting tonight. Two could play this game. Wide green eyes follow my fingers as I reach over and barely brush along Adrien’s bare arm, feeling goose bumps race with my touch.

“Yeah, Adrien.” I purr. “What is it that you need?”

I hold his startled gaze as I use my other hand to lift the cocktail to my lips. It’s sweet and fruity and burns as I swallow. I’ll give it to blondie; she knows how to make a drink. The alcohol loosens the knot in my constraint and I decide to make things interesting and take it up a notch. I smoothly trace the edge of the glass with the tip of my tongue to catch a drip. His eyes turn into saucers and follow my tongue’s path across the glass then along my lips.

“See anything you might like?” I turn slightly and press into Adrien’s side. Soft curves molding against hard muscle. His eyes stay locked on mine but his face is blank. His face remains blank as he drifts away from me. I realize he is sliding off the bar. “Adrien!?”

With a heavy swallow he catches himself before he slips off. Standing up straight he watches me for a second. He looks at me like he’s never seen me before. He looks shaken. His eyes search mine but for what? I remember his smile in the hall and if it was for Kagami then how can he look at me like this. Like I’m an oasis in the desert. Not sure if I’m his salvation or just a mirage.

“Mari…”

I shiver at the intimacy of his voice. His body drifts closer to mine dwarfing my small frame. So close. So wide. I feel vulnerable. I feel stripped. Cologne wafts around me wiping away what I was trying to accomplish. How’d I get myself into this situation yet again? I take a small step back to clear my head. Big mistake. Spring green eyes bore into mine and his smile takes on a predatory edge. My body freezes. Uncertainty rages through me. Flight or fight mode kicks in. As Marinette I may not have Ladybugs confidence and candor but I have always held my own. I have never felt like prey before. That smile holds my attention. It makes my skin crawl with something I can’t name. I hear something. Laughter. Faint at first but it grows. It drowns out everything. It overtakes me like a wave and pulls me into darkness. I’m gone before my body hits the ground, the echo of laughter chasing after me.

_______________

I don’t know what just happened. One minute I was trying to get a hold of myself after Marinette actually flirted with me and the next her eyes rolled back and her body dropped. The only thing that saved her from hitting her head was my Chat reflexes. Gathering her limp body in my arms I take her over to the sofa across from Nino and Alya. I hear something from the bartender but it can’t penetrate the whirling of my thoughts.

She has to be okay.

I check the pulse at her throat. It’s strong but fast almost like she’s been running.

Please be okay.

I lean close to her mouth to listen if she’s breathing. I feel the tickle of air as it pants along my cheek.

Please…I just can’t...Please.

Her eyes shift as if in sleep. I lift a fluttering lid but see only white.

I’m so focused on checking vitals that I don’t hear Alya until she pulls me off of Marinette.

“IS. SHE. OKAY?!”

"Oh! oh - oh uh...yeah! Yeah she seems fine."

“What the hell HAPPENED?! One minute she’s at the bar with you,” A firm finger pokes into my chest, “The next minute she’s passed out?!”

I’ve never been on the receiving end of Alya’s wrath. I don’t know how Nino does it. Alya stands under my nose but I’m literally scared for my life. Golden hazel eyes practically crackle with anger as her hands dance around. I try to back up but she follows.

“What did you SAY to her?!”

“No-noth-thing…”

“Then WHY did she pass out?”

“I don’t know. We were…”

“You don’t KNOW?! You were RIGHT THERE!”

“We were just talking. Then she – then she took a drink …”

“Was there something in her drink?!” Alya turns on the bartender who instinctively takes a step back.

“No!” Sparking gold snaps back to my face. “No…we were right there as she made it besides she only took a sip. It was too small of a drink. Too fast. Besides she just…” My eyes look back to Marinette’s prone form. “She just buckled.”

I squeeze around Alya as she processes all of this and kneel by Marinette. Her eyes still move like she’s dreaming. Her fingers twitch randomly. My thumb trails along her forehead. A soothing gesture I remember my mother doing after I had a bad dream.

“Marinette,” I croon. “It’s okay. Shhh, it’s okay.” Her head moves toward the sound of my voice. I can’t hide my relief. “Marinette! Can you hear me?” I see her lips move and I lean in close to hear. Even with my sensitive ears it’s difficult to make out.

“No….” her head turns away. “Please … Chaton.”

I drop her hand as I jerk away.

“NO!” Marinette jumps up. Her eyes dart around as if searching for something. When they land on me she flinches. There’s fear and hurt in her eyes. But it’s gone before I even realize it’s there. “What…?” She looks around again at everyone standing over her and sits all the way up. “What happened?” Her eyes pinch closed and her hand presses to her forehead.

Alya slides gently into the seat next to her. “How are you feeling?” The back of Alya’s hand runs softly across her cheek. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, sorry.” She looks around at everyone again. “So-sorry. I’m …I’m fine really.” She gives the group a wobbly smile.

The bartender and two waiters visibly relax and quickly disappear. I stare longingly to the seat next to Marinette but it’d be too tight with Alya sitting on her other side. Dejected, I join Nino on the opposite sofa. Alya watches me with a raised eyebrow that doesn’t feel all together friendly. When she faces Marinette again she’s all compassion.

“What happened, Mari?”

“I’m not sure.” Delicate hands press into either side of her head. “I was at the bar,” blue eyes find mine, “when I just felt weird.”

“Weird how?”

Even though Marinette was addressing Alya, her eyes stayed locked on mine. Drowning me gently in a sea of blue.

“I was…talking,” pink creeps up her cheeks, “to Adrien.” A smile tugs at my lips but her sharp stare keeps it from materializing. “Then I felt.” Her eyes widen and that hint of fear creeps back in but still she holds my gaze. “I felt…” She shakes her head and her eyes squeeze shut. I suddenly feel my breath rush back in. I hadn’t realized I was holding it until her eyes released me. “I can’t remember.” She drops her face into her hands. “I was just gone,” she mumbles past her fingers, “I was there with Adrien then I was…running. It was dark. A shadow.” She shivers. “A shadow was chasing me. I could hear a voice. A voice in my head. I can’t remember what it was saying.” She looks up from her hands into Alya’s face. Her skin is pale. Her eyes haunted. “But I remember the laughter. So cold. Taunting...” Her voice drifts away.

None of us speak. There’s a tension in the air that none of us knows how to deal with.

“Well…Shit!” Except Nino. “Dude that’s…haha…that’s intense. You want a drink?” He points at a stunned Marinette who only stares at him. “You need a drink.” He looks around at us. “We all need a drink. Be back.”

Without another word he jumps over the back of the sofa and jogs to the bar. We all watch silently as he talks animatedly to the bartender. She nods and looks over at us a few times looking more and more relaxed. She starts pouring shots and laughing with Nino.

“I don’t know how he does that.”

I look over at Alya. She watches Nino with pure adoration. I can’t help but smile at her look. Seeing the love between them makes me warm and hopeful. I turn wistful eyes to Marinette to find her watching me. My smile dims at the strange intensity of her eyes. She glances over at Alya who is still looking at Nino. She studies them for a second when she sees Nino catch Alya staring. A soft moment passes between them and Nino holds his hands together like a heart. Alya blows him a kiss. When Marinette looks back at me she still looks haunted but a sweet smile softens her face. Her shoulders relax and when Nino comes back with a fist full of shots she downs hers with a grimace. Everyone laughs at her face, including herself. Laughter surrounds us and the night feels lighter; I feel lighter than I have in days.

Until it all crashes down.

Chapter Text

I block out the clamor of the people around me until all is quiet. I push down the bass vibrating through my body until I feel centered. All my attention focuses on the red dot. I bring my hand back and snap it forward releasing my dart. My heart sinks as it wobbles through the air. It’s not going to make it. With a soft, satisfying thunk it hits home. Bullseye! A smile stretches my cheeks. I line my shot up again. It wobbles and hits and …bounces off. My shoulders droop until the screen lights up…Bullseye! My heart picks up speed. Just one more. My hands shake a little. I can do this. I can. I let go of the dart and trace its shaky path right to the center dot. It knocks the first dart off but digs in deep right at the center of the red bullseye. My breath whooshes out as my hands fly into the air. I hit three bullseyes! Holy Macaroni! I jump up and down, wiggling in victory.

“Guys! Guys! Did you see that!” I shake my butt in a victory dance. “I got three in a row! THREE Bullseyes!” I turn around to find Alya and Nino making out in the corner and Adrien nowhere to be seen. “Guys! Come on!” My hands are now in the air with indignation. I swing them back to indicate the board. “Did no one see that?!”

I huff my outrage and stomp to pick up the darts. Stupid friends. Make perfect shots and no one sees. I mumble as I tug out the dart sunk into the center of the dart board. I turn to pick up the two on the floor only to see them cradled in a large hand.

“I saw.” My eyes lift to Mediterranean eyes. Very familiar Mediterranean eyes. “Loved the victory dance.”

“Luka…”

“Hey there Ma-ma-marrinette.” His voice is soft but still manages to drift over all the noise. His eyes are even softer. I stand there with my mouth open. The last time I saw him rushing over me. The regret. The ache. The feeling of an opportunity missed.

_______________

“Ask me not to go Marinette.”

Long fingers dig into my back as strong arms crush me. What little breath I manage to pull into my lungs wheezes out at his words. I try to pull away to see his face but he only squeezes closer. I press my cheek into his chest and listen to the rapid thump of his heart.

“Luka…I -” want you to stay. I try and say it but it just won’t make it past my lips. I can’t take this opportunity away from him. No matter how I want to continue what we have. How much I want to get to know him. I can’t ask him to give up his dream. “I can’t ask you to do that.” I swallow back tears “You can’t stay.” His body goes hard and he finally lets me pull away.

I try to take a step back but his hands hold tight to my waist. “I can stay. I have my connection to Jagged Stone now thanks to you. I can always be his roadie on another tour. I could stay. We could see where this goes.”

The hope in his eyes makes me want to agree. I want to shout ‘Hell Yes!’ and lift up on my toes and kiss him silly. But I can’t.

My eyes plead with him to understand. “He has a guitar tech that’s willing to mentor you on this tour. One that is world renowned and highly sought after. If you work on the stage crew on this tour and impress this guy you have a major contact. Plus Jagged said that his rhythm guitarist is super flaky and he would love to have a talented backup just in case. How can you not say yes to that?!”

“I could easily say no if you asked.”

Oh man, those eyes.

His beautiful, tropical blue eyes are too soft to stand. They dissolve all my defenses leaving me a puddle. Sighing, I brush my fingers across his cheek. His hands tighten on me and his face presses into my palm. I brace my other hand on his shoulder and draw him toward me as I stretch to reach him. I always imagined my first kiss would be with Adrien. Even when Luka and I started hanging out more, I never thought he’d be more than a friend. Sure he made me feel all loopy and it was hard not to blush and stutter but he was older and cooler and I always thought of it as a crush. A very one sided crush. Now he stands here asking me to ask him to stay. I was so wrong.

Luka’s lips brush against mine. Gentle. Restrained. My legs quiver and Luka’s hands slide around me pulling me flush against him. Supporting me. Making my skin spark. The kiss remains sweet even as it deepens. The delicate touch of his tongue against mine makes my fingers reach up to grip his hair. A rumble from his chest makes me crave more but Luka keeps the kiss soft. Easy. Filled with potential. Possibilities that swirl around us, lifting us, making us drift in a haze.

I don’t know when the kiss ends. His lips moved with such delicate purpose that I never felt when they left my own. I feel dizzy yet grounded against him. It’s a physical effort to lift my head away from his to look in his eyes. It’s even harder to get the words out that I need to say.

“If you stay you will never leave. It’s nearly impossible now and we haven’t even started. Can you honestly tell me you could leave in a year? Leave after we get close? After we fall in love?” I’m disconcerted by the emotions raging across Luka’s normally serene features, shifting and changing with his thoughts. I touch his face to try and soften my words. “If you stay I will always compete with an unrealized dream and that’s not good for either one of us. I can’t ask you to stay because you need to go.”

And with sad resignation, he left.

_______________

“HEY!” Luka and I flinch at the piercing quality of my voice. “Uh…” I clear my throat, “Hey! La-luka! Ha…” I try not to squirm. “Long time no see.”

Ugh! So stupid Marinette.

Luka just grins at me. “Too long,” he nods.

My joints feel a little loose when he chuckles dryly and wraps me in a consuming hug. His arms engulf me and I press my forehead into his shoulder. I smell alcohol and cigarettes on him. Since when does he smoke? I wrinkle my nose at the unpleasant scent but don’t pull away.  I can’t help but wonder how much he’s changed.

“My brave little Marinette. Look at you!” He pulls back and looks me over with a slowness that makes my skin light fire. “You grew up,” he says huskily.

Oh and he had too! He still has that serene contentment about him. His eyes still look like he’s amused by the world around him. His dark hair is longer and pulled back into a bun but I can see the ends are still dyed turquoise. Other than that he’s no longer the tall, gangly guitarist I remember. He’s wearing a black vest that falls to his hips and his chest is bare beneath. Lifting all that equipment has done him good. He’s gotten wider in all the right places. His arms are defined and his black shorts hang dangerously low on narrow hips. I’m surprised by his simple attire. Everyone else’s, including my own, are beyond over the top. He notices my own slow perusal with a widening smile. The shine in his eyes makes me worried and excited at the same time. He seems to shake himself and glances around at the crowd of people around us.

“You’re not here by yourself are you?” His face pinches.

“No, I came with Alya and her boyfriend, Nino and his best friend, Adrien.”

“Oh yeah, I remember meeting them a couple times...” He looks around as if looking for them but when his eyes come back to me they stick. He smirks, “I’m not interrupting a double date, am I?”

“Ha! No, no. Adrien is in a serious relationship.” I give a dismissive laugh but my stomach bottoms out. Everything that has been going on with Adrien rushes at me all of a sudden. Too much has been going on and we need to stop. He’s with Kagami. I need to get that through my head.

“Hey Marinette…” I turn to see Adrien walking up.

Speak of the devil.

He stops short when he sees I’m not alone. I watch as he takes in Luka. Recognition makes him stand up straighter and his eyes go straight to mine. What I see there makes my stomach roll where it has dropped. I turn away, not able to deal with the implications. I remember what Alya said to me the other day about Luka being a sore topic. Did she say something to Nino who said something to Adrien? For a second he looked protective, possessive even. Like a kid who doesn’t want to share a favorite toy.

My throat is too dry and my words come out scratchy. “Adr-” I lick my lips. “Adrien, you remember Luka, Juleka’s brother? Luka, Adrien played keyboard with your band a few times.”

“Oh yeah! I remember.” Luka stepped toward him with his hand extended. “How have you been?”

I try not to fidget as Adrien grips his hand. Their eyes hold and I notice Luka smirking. Adrien doesn’t return the smile and his reply is a stiff ‘fine.’ Luka must have picked up on Adrien’s attitude because he suddenly rests his arm on my shoulders. His fingers graze my bare arms. Adrien doesn’t move but his reaction in palpable.

“Luka?” Alya must have come up for air. She strolls over with Nino trailing.

“Hello, Alya.” Luka moves away from me to grab her hand. With an exaggerated bow, he bends and kisses her knuckles. “Looking as lovely as ever.”

With a haughty tug, she pulls her fingers out of his grip. “Luka, I didn’t realize Jagged Stone had a Paris concert scheduled. How long will you be in town for?” She looks from his face to mine, her gaze softening. Questioning how I feel about this development.

It’s not the only pair of eyes on me but it’s the only pair I acknowledge. I give her an encouraging smile and nod to let her know everything was ok.

Luka addresses Alya but his eyes lock on mine.

“Jagged’s tour just wrapped and I haven’t setup another. I want to be here for Juleka’s graduation.” He pauses and then continues more firmly. “I haven’t decided if I’ll go back to touring.”

I’m not the only one to catch Luka’s meaning. Adrien walks toward me until his shoulder overlaps mine. Almost like he’s shielding me.

“You’re staying in Paris?” Adrien’s voice has an edge.

I look up into Adrien’s profile and am shocked at his intensity. What’s gotten into him? Even if he did think Luka ran off, his reaction to Luka possibly sticking around is over the top and misplaced. I look to Luka who also notices Adrien’s protective stance. Alya and Nino watch with raised eyebrows.

Luka looks pointedly at me. “Maybe, if everything works out like I plan.”

I look down at his mouth remembering how it moved against mine. Remembering how he held back. What would it be like if he hadn’t? My skin feels hot as that mouth lifts into a knowing smirk. I shift to hide my face behind Adrien’s shoulder until I steady myself.

“And what plans do you have?” You can almost hear the threat in Adrien’s voice as he steps a little further in front of me.

What’s Adrien’s deal? I turn a questioning look at Alya and Nino. They seem as confused by Adrien’s hostility as I am.

“Over the years I found that the stage and travel weren’t really for me. I loved taking care of the instruments and being on stage was a thrill but it got…lonely.” I peek over Adrien’s shoulder and see Luka watching me. “I also found that I had a gift for composing music. I’ve already assisted Jagged’s song writer on many of his most popular songs. It’d be difficult to get into, I’d still have to travel some or live near a studio, and the hours during a project would be ridiculous but I’d be able to start a life...have something to come home to.”

That softly spoken sentence tilts my world. I feel a dopy smile creep along my face and can’t seem to break eye contact.

“Well! I think that’s cause for celebration!” Alya grins at me. “Marinette, why don’t you take Luka and grab us some drinks?”

I can feel Adrien scowl at us but my body is buoyed with happiness. I drift around Adrien and reach for Luka’s hand.

“Kronenbourg 1664 for Nino and me,” Alya laughs. “What for you Adrien?”

I look back to see what Adrien wants us to grab but what I see drags me back down to Earth. He looks devastated but it’s gone before I can be sure it was there.

I hesitate as Luka goes to pull me with him. “Adrien?”

There are a lot of questions rolled into that one word. He holds my quizzical look but that model smile slips in and he shakes his head. “I’m fine.” He salutes with the beer in his hand.

As I walk away and Adrien’s sad eyes follow us, I know only one thing for certain. Adrien definitely wasn’t fine.

Chapter Text

Luka’s hands are rough as they engulf mine. Years of setting up stages and playing guitar has created callouses on his fingertips. Fingertips that gently rub and stroke my fingers and palm as he leads me through the crowd. Each gentle brush and squeeze makes my skin tingle. Does he know what he’s doing to me? I’m so focused on the sensation that I bump into him when he stops at the bar. His throaty laugh vibrates into me as I step away but I get stopped short when he keeps ahold of my hand. Anchored to him like this keeps me close as he turns to face me. His smile is soft as his eyes flicker over my face.

My nerves get the better of me and my mouth just takes off.

“SorryaboutthatIwasn’tpayingattentionandyoukindofstoppedshortandit’sdarkheretoo and you’re wearing. all black. Which makes. It. Even. Harder…to…see…you…”

My eyes drift down to indicate his clothing and my brain shorts out. The area by the bar is only lit using black lights. Now I realize why his outfit doesn’t need to be over the top. His entire body looks like it’s covered in colorful war paint. A jagged line starts across his forehead like a crown then curves down on either side to skim his high cheek bones. Large dots line his collarbone like a necklace with lines radiating across his chest. Making it appear even wider. Crude geometric shapes highlight his trim waist and accentuate his shoulders and biceps. He looks damn sexy.

Luka leans in close so I can hear him. “Careful now, Marinette. I might get the wrong idea.” His coarse thumb strokes over my knuckles as his warm breathe slides along my neck making my heart pick up speed.

He pulls away and gives me a wicked smile. He has changed. Older. Harder. More confident. The way his body leans toward mine, the way he holds my eyes, that smile, it all tells me this is something he has done before. Something he has perfected. It doesn’t stop the electricity racing along my skin. The way his touch starts a current that zings up my arm to make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. He’s dangerous in the most delicious way. His smile promises things I haven’t even considered in my lonely, late night musings but his eyes assure me it would be done with complete adoration.

“I can’t believe you’re here.” Luka lifts his free hand to my face. His fingers brush along my jaw as his thumb ghosts my lips. “I like your makeup.” His smile melts away as his eyes become intense and drop to my mouth. I see his Adam’s apple bob. “Very traditional,” his fingers leave my jaw and he traces the bridge of my nose and taps, “except these freckles. How I’ve missed those freckles, Mari.”

I can feel my body creeping toward his. He’s like a magnet. His words, his intensity, his compete focus, all pull me closer. He lifts the hand he is holding to his chest and holds it there. I can feel the way his heart beats strong against my hand. His other hand reaches for my waist but someone bumps into me causing my hands to reach out for Luka to keep me up.

“Uh, sorry sweetheart.” I hear a stranger say before he blends back into the crowd.

Luka’s hands steady me as he smiles down. “Still as sure footed as ever I see.” Old memories make his eyes sparkle and crinkle at the corners.

“Shut up, Couffaine.” I reach up and punch him in the shoulder.

He pulls away, laughing as he rubs the spot I hit. “Still got that arm, too.”

My smile feels soft as I glance down hoping to hide my blush. I can’t stop myself as my eyes travel over his painted skin, again. I notice that my fingers smudged the paint over his collarbone when I knocked into him.

“Oh! I’m sorry I messed up your design.”

As I step back though, I notice other small imperfections. Smears made by delicate hands in even more delicate places. My hand reaches out and follows the path of a very low smear. Luka’s stomach quivers under my light touch and he sucks in a breath. My eyes lift to his as he goes to take a step closer. What he sees makes him hesitate. His gaze follows mine back down to my hand. He sees what I see now. All of the other gentle touches marring the design.

His hand covers mine again and squeezes lightly. “Mari, it’s just from me dancing. That’s all. I’m not here with anyone. There’s been no one important since you.”

I nod.

No one important but it’s painfully obvious there has been others. Most likely a lot of others. I know it’s silly. I know I told him to leave and it’s been four years and I have no claim on him but it stings. It stings because he never looked me up. It stings that he’s here dancing with strangers. It stings that if we hadn’t randomly run into each other we might never have. His little speech about his ‘plans working out’ makes my hackles raise a little. How stupid of me to think he meant being with me. How stupid for me to think he came back and thought of me at all. All night I’ve felt stupid. Stupid for letting Adrien get close when there was no chance there. Stupid for letting Luka get my hopes up. I squeeze my eyes closed willing away the tears making my eyes sting.

I shake my head.

Stupid girl.

“Mari,” his fingers reach for my chin but I turn away. His hand drops away and his forehead comes down to rest against mine. “This isn’t the best place to talk. Why don’t we get out of here? Maybe, grab some food.” When I hesitate he sighs and takes a step away. He’s quiet for a moment before he tries again. “There’s a lot I want to say. Please Mari, give me a chance to say it.” His plea tugs at me finally making me look up at him. Bolstered, he reaches for my hands and presses something into my palm. I look down to see a business card. It’s a sleek design of a digital mixing system. I flip it over to see Luka’s contact information. “Meet me. For lunch or something. Tomorrow. The next day. Whenever. Just please meet me so I can explain.” Torn but not wanting to hurt Luka, I slide the card into my purse. He nods at me satisfied.

Finally the bartender points to us and yells for our order. Before Luka can move I lean around him. “Three Kronenbourg 1664s,” I glance over at Luka who shakes his head, “and that’s it.”

The bartender scans my bracelet without even looking at me and hands me the drinks. Luka grabs two of them from me with one hand, easily holding them between his fingers. He gently takes my free hand and clears a path back to my friends. There’s zero flirting but his grip is still achingly soft. He maneuvers me so that he takes most of the hard jostles and prevents a few wayward drinks from spilling on me. He remains quiet as we approach until he hands Alya and Nino their drinks.

“Hey guys, it was great seeing you all but I need to be getting back to my group.” His eyes meet mine for a split second and they fill with longing before he looks away again. “I hope we can all hang out again soon.” And with that he just turns and leaves.

Things fall back into friendly banter as we finish the dart game but I stay distracted. I feel bad for how I acted with Luka but tonight has been confusing enough already. I need to reconcile what’s happening with Adrien before I add another person into this tangled mess. I’m too caught up in my own thoughts and flinch when someone shakes my shoulder. Blinking several times I focus back in on the conversation.

“Earth to Mari! Did you hear anything we have said?”

“Oh I’m sorry. No. What were you talking about?”

Alya just sighs deeply, “Never mind it wasn’t anything important.” She tugs on my hand. “Come on girl we’re dancing.” She looks over her shoulder as she drags me away. “You’re invited too boys if you think you can keep up.”

Nino doesn’t have to be asked twice and jogs to catch up; throwing his arms around our shoulders. Without meaning to I glance over my shoulder to see if Adrien is coming.

_______________

Luka fucking Couffaine.

When I had first walked up I hadn’t recognized him but that blue tipped hair gave him away. The first thing that struck me though was Mari’s body language. While Luka looked engaged and very interested, Mari looked bleak. Add to that the way Alya talked about them the other day and I went into protective mode. I shouldn’t have, it wasn’t my place but I couldn’t turn it off. I realized how wrong I was when Mari drifted around me and took Luka’s hand. The dreamy smile on her face hit me hard. So hard I couldn’t stuff down how I was feeling like I normally do. My bad luck held true when Mari looked back to see if I wanted a drink and saw my misery. I tried to lighten it with a silly salute but her concern lingered as Luka pulled her away.

I now have to sit here and listen to Alya gush and chatter about how kismet it is seeing Luka here. How perfect Mari and he looked together. How she knew he was the one for her. To top it off she keeps giving me pointed looks I can’t decipher. I don’t know what I did to provoke her. She always seems excited when I hang out with them but tonight she’s been almost hostile. Anytime I even get near Marinette I can feel her heated eyes on me. I have half a mind to just leave, it’s all been too much, but I want to make sure Marinette comes back alright. I don’t remember Luka being a bad guy but I just don’t get chancing it. I mean, he’s been on tour with a rock star. Who knows what he’s gotten into. No. I can’t leave until I know Marinette is ok.

“Dude, you’re supposed to be having fun. Don’t just lean there and scowl.” Nino reaches out to grip my shoulder.

I shake my head and give him a lopsided grin. “Sorry I think I’m just feeling these more than I thought.” I lift my nearly empty beer bottle as evidence. “I’ll probably take off soon.”

“No way! I only have about an hour before I go up. I’m closing Dj. I know it’s late but you don’t have to close it down with me. At least stay to hear a song or two!” How can I say no when he gives me those big amber puppy eyes?

“Of course. Sorry. I wasn’t thinking.” I push at his shoulder. “Of course I’m going to stay to hear you DJ. I guess I’m just not feeling it tonight is all.”

Nino’s eyes glance over at Alya who instantly turns her head away to study the dart board. “Yeah? I can probably guess why that is.” Nino looks back at me intently and drops his voice so only I can hear. “Listen Alya is team Adrinette all the way. She just worries about what’s going on between you guys tonight when you’re still with Kagami. She’s Mama Bear protective of Mari. You know that.” His eyes flick back to Alya who is openly watching us now and drops his voice even more. “Also, if you’re serious about Mari than you need to talk to her. Luka showing up is a wrench and you can’t wait to do it any longer. Talk to her, than get your shit straightened out, then sweep her off her feet. She won’t go forward with Luka if she knows there’s a chance with you.”

“What?! You really think so?” I can’t mask the hope in my voice. “Wait a minute,” I wrinkle my nose at him, “team Adrinette?”

He laughs. “Yes I do and yeah we’re all team Adrinette. Adrien and Marinette. This can’t be the first time you’ve heard that. It’s how everyone has referred to you guys since Dupont.”

“What?! Why didn’t anyone ever say anything to me?”

“Dude we tried. We hinted. We schemed. Some outright asked you about her. You always came back with the same stupid response. ‘She’s just a friend.’” Nino’s voice takes on a slight nasal quality as his hand mimics the words.

I give my supposed best friend a deadpan look. “Is that supposed to be me?”

Nino’s grin is way too cheerful. I reach to put him in a head lock but he just dances away laughing. Making his way to hide behind Alya as he waggles his fingers at me. Alya raises an eyebrow at him but smiles when he’s not looking. It’s almost sickening to see how much they love each other. I don’t know how Mari stands it all the time. Speak of the devil, her she comes.

Luka’s eyes are tight and Marinette keeps looking at him and away as they make their way over. Luka still has her hand held close behind him but his posture is stiff. Something happened that upset them both. I try not to smile but it must not be working because Alya glares. She looks like she will say something until Luka interrupts, handing Nino and her, their beers.

“Hey guys, it was great seeing you all but I need to be getting back to my group.” His eyes focus on Marinette before he takes in the rest of us. “I hope we can all hang out again soon.”

A satisfied grin splits my face. The way Luka just looked at Mari and then ran off, oh yeah something happened. We finish up our game of darts and Alya tries to engage Mari several times but she doesn’t seem to notice. She doesn’t say what happened when Alya hits her up for the ‘deats’. She doesn’t gloat about somehow making 150 points in darts without anyone noticing. She ignores our ribbing about the possibility of her cheating. Worse of all though she doesn’t do her patented Marinette victory dance upon winning. I’m concerned but Alya is perturbed.

“Geez, girl if you wanted to leave with Luka no one would have been mad.” I glare at her but she doesn’t even bother to glance my way. Stomping over to Mari she shakes her shoulder. “Earth to Mari! Did you hear anything we have said?”

Marinette flinches and blinks owlishly at Alya. “Oh I’m sorry. No what were you talking about?”

Alya sighs out her frustration, “Never mind it wasn’t anything important. Come on girl we’re dancing.” She drags Mari away and smirks over her shoulder at Nino and me. “You’re invited too boys if you think you can keep up.”

Nino jumps up and chases after them without even a glance my way. I don’t blame him. I’ve seen the girls dance together before. Alya loves to do things that make Marinette blush and doesn’t mind making Nino watch as she does it. I’m debating whether I want to join them when blue eyes glance back and lock on mine. Just like that I’m on my feet trailing behind like the stray I am. Desperate for a treat or a scratch behind the ears. With that one look I know I can’t leave.

They walk together as they make their way to the dance floor but once the crowd thickens I see Nino take the lead dragging Alya then Mari behind him. Before they’re swallowed by the crowd, I grab onto Marinette’s hand and am pulled in with them. Bodies press against us as we push through. Drinks slosh and bodies jostle. I walk closer behind Marinette and use my free hand to hold on to her waist to block people from getting too close to her. She looks over her shoulder at me. Her bluebell eyes are curious but there’s a heat there, too. Simmering low but fierce. Without meaning to my hand tightens on her fleetingly. Her eyes jerk forward before I can see how she reacts.

We reach a pocket in the sea of writhing bodies and Nino turns and pulls Alya to him. His body instantly molds to hers and she grudgingly releases Marinette’s hand, but not before she shoots a warning glare my way. Realizing the opportunity Nino just gave me; I wink at Alya’s scowl and twirl Mari to face me. The silver sound of her giggle cuts through the vibrating bass line and I can’t help but grin down at her. That look in her eyes makes me feel light but before I drift too far away her hands slip to my shoulders. Her body is just beyond the touch of mine when she begins to sway. Her movements gentle, contrasting the thrumming music enveloping us.

“Nice shuffle there Mari.”

She rolls her eyes at me. “I’m just trying to protect your poor deformed feet.”

“Hey! My feet aren’t deformed…just a little callused.”

She leans in slightly and smirks. “Ha! A little callused? They could belong to a lizard.” She reaches for my hand and lifts it between us, examining my fingers. Her hands are cool against my skin which burn at her touch. I can’t help but notice she hesitates a moment too long as she drags her thumb over my nails. She clears her throat and lifts my fingers slightly. “These fingernails prove you enjoy your spa treatments.” She drops my hand and reaches for the back of my neck. “Throw in a Pedi every now and then. I know your toes are ticklish but man up.”

I wasn’t prepared for what happened next. The lights go off completely. Marinette freezes under my hands. A beat starts playing as the black lights kick back on. The air around us glows with the eerie luminous light. On a whim I reach up and take Marinette’s hand, spinning her until she faces the other way. Her hand stays in mine causing my arm to wrap around her waist, pulling her close. The song progresses. The momentum building. I feel the first brush of her body as she begins dancing. Just a whisper of skin but it blazes through me. The pitch in the song rises, building tension. I drop my chin to her shoulder and move with her. Floral perfume pushes back the smell of the club. My lips graze her neck and she shudders against me. The music builds until it’s a living thing. The heavy air vibrates and Marinette’s movements sway and pop in time to that driving beat. It builds until I’m panting and my fingers press Marinette flush against me. Then the music and lights cut out.

For a split second there’s only Mari and I. Our bodies thrumming and alive. Then a strobe light flashes dropping the bass line with it. I can feel the energy course between our bodies. Pulsating from one to the other until all sensation blurs. I can no longer tell her skin from my own. Her hand or mine. We’re one in a way I’ve never felt before. Complete. I’m lost in the feeling. I no longer hear the music. My eyes are open but not seeing. I only feel. Her. Us.

After an eternity I become aware of myself again. The strobe blinks in time with the measure of the music, drawing my attention to the smooth skin and dark hair in front of me. It’s hypnotic. The sudden flash of light breaking through the black light glow. I’m enthralled with the way Marinette looks different in the changing light. How she seems to go from real to surreal. Solid to ethereal. I nose her neck and along her ear. A small mewl sound whispers around me. My entire body responds. I trace the shell of her ear just as the strobe dies again. I notice how her solid black earring suddenly seems to be opaque. It catches my attention.

Strobe light on. Solid black. Black light on. Opaque. Something whispers in the back of my mind.

Important.

I watch, staring closer, as the solid black slides back to opaque. There’s something there in the inky depths.

Solid. Opaque. A red glow.

Solid. Opaque. Red dots.

Solid. Opaque. Five red dots.

Solid. Opaque. Five very familiar red dots.

Ice runs down my spine. Freezing my blood. Freezing my body.

No. She can’t be.

Marinette turns, concern pinching her brows. My arms become lead at my sides. She reaches up and cups my cheek. Her mouth moves but I don’t hear her. My head buzzes with the impossibility that my sweet shy friend is also my brave strong superhero partner. Her face flashes vibrant in the strobe light. In that split second I see the flush on her cheeks striking against her blue eyes. Eyes that are far too familiar. Eyes that have haunted my dreams. Tortured my daydreams. Blue eyes surrounded by red.

It’s too much. No. It can’t be. Now that I see the design in the earrings though I can’t see anything else. A ladybug glows under the black light. A ladybug that isn’t there any other time. A ladybug that will only appear when called. I back away. My head shakes in denial. No it can’t be true. I turn away from Marinette’s anxiety and look at my ring. Instead of the muted silver color a shadow seems to emit from the face. Deep in its center, a faint green cat paw whispers.

I run from the club.

Chapter Text

The world fades back in as quickly as it faded out. Crisp night air surrounds me and a heavy breeze brushes against my skin and lifts my hair. Where am I? I should look around but my body doesn’t seem to respond. I try to swallow but my tongue feels thick and sticks to the roof of my mouth. There’s a buzzing in my head. I know there are sounds but they’re muffled to my ears. In front of my face a hole is surrounded by pinpricks of light. A point of darkness against the city lights stretched out below.

“Ahjkendn…Aydwayen!...Adrien!” I blink and the dark spot sharpens. Takes shape. Focuses into a tiny black cat. “Are you alright, kid?”

Plagg.

I‘m up high. Why am I up high? My eyes drag down and I realize I’m standing on the ledge of a roof, my toes hanging over. I flinch and stumble back to safety. Spinning around I realize I’m on the roof of the office building that the club was in. If I focus I can just barely feel the bass vibrating under my feet. I don’t remember how I got here.

“Shit Adrien, ARE YOU OKAY?!” Plagg lingers near my head with an expression I rarely see…Concern?

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, I’m…” Five red dots float in my head. “I don’t know. She’s…She’s ladybug, Plagg. Marinette. My friend Marinette. She’s ladybug.”

The worry in Plagg’s eyes is almost as disconcerting as finding out Marinette is my superhero partner. “Yeah, I know.”

“You know?” My shoulders tighten and I point an incriminating finger at Plagg “You KNOW? HOW?! WHEN?!...” Oh. My entire posture deflates as the realization hits me. I forgot about Dark Owl. I look at him as he floats lazily in the breeze, his face reflecting derision once again. “You knew this whole time. You knew this entire week while I struggled with-”

The sound of voices makes my mouth snap shut. I look over my shoulder to the access door. It hangs crooked on its hinges, almost like it has been kicked open. I don’t remember much past escaping into a suffocating crowd after dancing with Marinette. I must have found the stairs and went up to the roof instead of exiting the building. I know why subconsciously I went up instead of down. I needed to be Chat Noir tonight. I needed the escape. I don’t know how much noise I made getting up here but it was obviously enough that someone heard me and came to investigate. I need to get away. I need to think. I can’t go home. I need-

“You going to say the words kitten or are we just going to stand here all night?”

I jump, too lost in my own thoughts. “Sorry, claws out Plagg.”

Within moments I’m in the air using my baton to clear a particularly wide jump. I run aimlessly, not sure where to head. Usually I would head to the Eiffel Tower but I don’t want to chance running into…her. I need to find a place to just think. Somewhere not near the usual haunts. I’m considering my options when I see Montparnasse Tower in the distance. Perfect! High enough she won’t see me and nowhere near her house or patrol areas.

I land on the tower’s flat roof after extending my baton to its limit. My landing is soundless in the open air observation deck. No chattering of tourists this time of night. All is dark and empty. Well except for a few of those red modern chairs that someone must have left out. I pad over and drag one to the glass barrier overlooking the city. It’s screeching, scraping path is intensified in the surrounding silence. The simple movement feels like it requires more effort than it should. It feels like it has an elephant sitting in it and I’m dragging it through sand. I push it right up to glass than throw one leg over to straddle it. My legs give out and I collapse into the hard plastic, utterly exhausted. I’m glad I hadn’t dismissed Plagg yet as the suit absorbs most of the impact. My head drops into my hands.

“Claws in,” I whisper into the dark.

I feel the air stir near my ear but don’t feel Plagg land on my shoulder like he usually would. There are no snide remarks or teasing or begging for cheese, only blessed silence. Silence that begins to immediately be flooded by every interaction I have had with Marinette and Ladybug. Scenes overlap and meld together. Comparing. Contrasting. Ticking off the things that should have given her away.

All these years…

All this time…

‘ There’s only so much I can hope that he’ll see me as something more than his friend.’

Marinette’s words echo back to me. She has always cared about me. Always wanted something more than a friendship. I start piecing together the timeline, fully realizing the depth of my mistake. When Adrien wasn’t available she turned to Chat. The look in her eyes that night she tried to kiss me, so long ago but it’s burned into my very soul, I had seen love there; deep, penetrating love that had left me breathless. It had haunted my thoughts. How long that feeling had to of been there to reach that depth. Ladybug must have always loved Chat but she held it back all those years because of Adrien, because of me. I had overlooked Marinette because of my feelings for Ladybug only to reject Ladybug because I had developed feelings for Kagami. Uggh, what a mess.

“What are you going to do?”

I give a tortured snigger and mumble into my palms, “I have no clue, Plagg.” I gather my strength and lift my head to stare out over Paris. “At least I didn’t know who she was the other day. I may have given something away when my father confronted me.”

“True. Of all the times for you to figure out Ladybug’s identity, you have to do it when Hawkmoth figured out yours.”

Plagg doesn’t say it with malice but guilt still burns in my belly. “I’m sorry, Plagg. I should have been more careful. I had gotten sloppy at not checking my room before I entered. If I had just taken a second to look, I wouldn’t have blown our cover.”

“I missed it too, Adrien. You at least were dealing with all of your icky human drama. Ladybug had just rejected you and you were distraught.” Plagg floats down and curls up on my knee. His green eyes shine with regret. “I have no excuse. I should have seen you’re father sitting at your desk. I should have warned you.” I stroke his little head and he pushes into my finger morosely.

I close my eyes and press my forehead into the glass barrier trying to block out my father’s plan.

_______________

“Adrien. Your father wishes to speak to you.” I drop my pencil at the unexpected interruption. Nathalie stands in my doorway; cool and controlled.

“Now?” I chase the pencil under the desk. “I thought he said he would be busy the remainder of the night.”

“I guess he completed what needed to be done earlier than expected.” Something about her tone makes me poke my head out from under the desk. Her expression has its usual pose but there’s a warning in her gaze. “Please don’t keep him waiting.”

For some reason a shiver raises the hairs on the back of my neck. I throw the recovered pencil into my literature book to mark my place in the Antigone play we are studying in school and follow her to my father’s office. As usual, I stand just inside the room as the door clicks behind me and wait for my father to acknowledge my existence. It takes longer than normal and I have to shift my weight from foot to foot several times to remain comfortable.

The picture of my mother holds my attention as I wait. Her eyes reminding me of the way she would wink at me behind my father’s back. Her smile softening as she listened to me play her favorite piano piece. How safe I would feel when I buried my face in her hair and smelled her fruity shampoo. Without meaning to my eyes drop to my father standing in front of the portrait. He is watching me and a new wave of anxiety rolls over me. His features are set in the same flat expression but his eyes have a spark I’m not comfortable with. He moves away from the computer and walks toward me.

“Adrien sit with me a moment.”

He gestures to the step seating along the edge of the room before turning to sit himself. The tension remains in the air but I can’t think what the cause would be. If I’m being honest we have actually been pretty civil to one another the last few days. I would almost say he took an interest in me…if I didn’t know better. I sit stiffly beside him as he stares over at my mother’s portrait.

“I know you have questions about your mother.” The sharpness at which my eyes pop open is almost painful. “I also know I have done a very poor job answering those questions.” My father turns and finally looks into my eyes. The spark has grown to a glowing ember. “I wish to tell you a story Adrien and at the end I hope I have answered many of the questions you may have.”

I’m ridged. I don’t breath or blink. I only stare back at him as he gives one sharp nod and begins like he is reading me a bed time story.

“I loved your mother the moment I saw her. I had just met Audrey and she was taken with my designs. She was already famous by that point and her opinion on fashion was revered. She agreed to help me, mentor me. Introduce me to the right people.”

He stops for a moment and stares at my mother’s portrait much like I did when I entered the room.  

“During that time I was consumed with building my portfolio. I worked tirelessly. Nothing else registered. I didn’t sleep. Barely ate. I lived for fashion. So when I went to a dinner party to make connections the last thing I expected was to fall in love with Audrey’s friend. Especially, one who wanted to be an actress of all things.”

I’m enthralled by the tender look on my father’s face. The bittersweet smile. The misty, distant look in his eyes. Love radiates off of him. I soak it in. I let it warm me down to the bone. Wishing, deep in a guarded part of myself, that that love was for me as well.

“We had already started eating when your mother breezed into the room. She was sunshine incarnate. She burned away all the oxygen in the room and seared me to my soul. She…” He huffs in a way that could be misconstrued as a chuckle. “…made me laugh.” He shakes his head as if to shake away the memory. “She was something.”

He blinks and turns to look at me. Really looks. His eyes seek out every detail and feature. “You look so much like her.” Awe and love still radiate from him. Before I realize what I’m doing a smile tugs at my lips.

The change is instant. My father’s face slams back into a bored, pretentious mask and his voice resumes its clipped tone. “I digress. Your mother and I started seeing each other and quickly married. What I didn’t know until later is her and her family have a very interesting lineage. It’s ancient and dates back to a Mongolian tribe known for their powerful shamans. It appears that these mystical ancestors had the ability to draw power from their Gods. Gods usually animalistic in nature.” He stares right into my eyes. “Animals like a black cat.”

I jump to my feet but am pulled back down again.

“This power is channeled through pieces that can be worn. Things like hair combs,” he touches his hair where Chloé wears her miraculous, “or earrings” his fingers move to tug on his earlobe, “or a ring.” His fingers skim down toward my ring. 

I jerk my hand away before he can touch my miraculous and lurch to my feet. Spinning to face him I prepare for him to attack. Instead, he sits. Watching me. His face betrays nothing. His eyes though.

They sparkle, as if with sickness.  

“I do not wish to take your miraculous, Adrien. I only ask for your help.”

Silence rings in my ears. Questions fly through my brain, bumping into each other, crowding out the previous before I can voice it. All the while, effectively burying a growing realization. A horrible truth I cannot bring myself to name. I pick instead the easiest most pressing question.

My tongue feels numb as I unstick it from the roof of my mouth. “What do you want?” My voice comes out a croak but I refrain from trying to clear it. I want to hear what he has to say.

“Please sit.” Politely asked but a command none the less. My head slowly turns side to side. I’m not dumb enough to sit within reach.

A lazy smile creeps up my father’s face and I can’t stop the shiver that slides down my spine. He looks maniacal. Bright eyes and ominous smile. Plotting.

“As you wish Adrien.” He pauses and watches me. His head tilting to the side as those hot eyes bore into me. “Your mother needs your help.”

His words hit hard. He wanted them to. All my questions fall away leaving one thought to fill the void. “My mother?” My voice is a whisper of hope.

“She needs you, Adrien.” He hesitates only a moment but it gives his next sentence the power he wants. “She needs Cat Noir.”

She needs Cat Noir.

That means she’s in trouble! My heart breaks and soars in the same instant. She didn’t leave me. She didn’t leave me behind. Something happened and I can save her. A strange surge of energy crawls along my skin. She needs me. It energizes my body and thrums in my head. I can make our family whole. I march to where my father sits and join him. I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees, and stare him in the face. “Tell me.”

His smile widens into something that could actually be considered happiness. “Okay.” Then it fades into something more professional. “Okay. After your mother and I married we went on our honeymoon to Tibet and made frequent trips after that. When your mother suggested we take these trips I hadn’t known she was going to try and find the Miraculouses. I also didn’t understand her excitement during the last trip at finding a simple book and two broaches.” My head snaps up at his reference. His eyes watch mine for a moment before he continues. “I didn’t understand the implications of us visiting that market, going into that shop.” His eyes hold mine and they start to shine again. Not with feverish desire but a deep bone wrenching sadness. “If I could change that day I would. I would give up everything to change what happened.”

My mind holds onto that word, ‘Everything.’ A chill creeps along my skin but I am too enthralled to interrupt.

“I didn’t know the significance of what she found. I didn’t learn of her ancestors or the history of the items until she was already lost.” His eyes close and he turns away as if collecting himself. He continues speaking but doesn’t turn to face me. “It may be boring but I’ll tell you what I learned.

“As I mentioned before the Mongol’s shamans developed small, wearable vessels that harnessed and controlled the power of their gods. This is how Genghis Khan conquered most of Eurasia. His campaigns were successful but it came with a bloody price. 40 million people were killed in order for him to succeed. He was, however, a very open minded person and during his travels many religions were introduced into the Mongol’s Tengri religion, Buddhism among them. These beliefs mingled together and when a later Mongolian emperor, Kublai Khan, converted to Tibetan Buddhism many of the Shaman’s secrets, including the miraculouses, were happily shared with the Monks.

“Even after the Mongolian Empire fell the relationship between Tibet and Mongolia was strong. By the late 1500s a Mongol military leader Altan Khan sought to reunite the Mongols and went to the third Dalai Lama for help. The two would unite and give legitimacy and protection to the other. There was a concern, however. The Dalai Lama did not want a repeat of the devastation implemented by Genghis Khan. As an act of faith, the Miraculouses were to be concealed at a Buddhist temple in the Himalayan Mountains. The Tibetan monks at this temple were known as the Guardians.

“The unification of a united Mongolian state failed and during the Qing dynasty, China’s control strengthened. The Mongolians tried to retrieve the Miraculouses but the monks had hidden them deep in the mountains and refused to return them. The Mongols were furious but lacked the resources to seek them out. The Miraculouses were lost to them.” He glances at me quickly out of the corner of his eye as a smirk lifts his mouth. “That is until the monks used them for their own purposes.

“In the mid-1800s, when the Sikh Empire attacked Tibet, They’re leader happened upon the Guardians temple.  He attacked simply to extend his territory but the monks feared he would breach the temple and discover the Miraculouses and their power. There was a fracturing of the monks. Some of them wanted to use the vessels to protect the temple but a majority feared the use of the Miraculouses for personal gain. Somehow a young Tibetan monk obtained the Monkey Miraculous and destroyed the temple and everyone in it.” My father throws his hands to the side as if all were lost, his head shaking sadly. “The Miraculouses were lost forever.”

 He looks up at me with mischief in his gaze. He was enjoying telling me this story. A story he probably hasn’t had a chance to share with anyone else.

“Then rumors began. Sightings of fantastic beings with powers above mere mortals. The Mongolian leaders knew then that their greatest treasure, their greatest strength, had survived. They sought out every lead in the search for the Miraculouses. They scoured the countryside and cities alike. However, the vessels always slipped through their fingers.” Suddenly, all the excitement drained out of him. Softly he said, “Until one panned out. Tibet.

“When we were there, your mother and I visited the ruins of a Buddhist temple. She loved to explore the rubble and the small towns nearby. She said the history intrigued her and the art intrigued me. Images of majestic beasts and fierce animals in heroic displays. I especially loved the depiction of the butterfly. There was such grace and simplicity in the drawings but strength and cunning too. It became my emblem. The drawings influenced my fashion designs and lead to my success as a designer.”

That nagging suspicion came rushing to the surface. My fears realized, my body ridged, I hold my breath. I knew it! I knew it when I stole his book from the safe but dismissed it. I let my feelings cloud my judgment and influence my decisions. He did so many horrible things. How much could I have prevented if I had trusted my instincts and looked more closely? I try to control my breathing and unclench my fists which ache from the pressure. My father continues, too absorbed in his story to notice its effect on me.

“When your mother went to purchase the Miraculouses and the book, she barely greeted the clerk. She didn’t even want to let him handle the items to bag them for her. Emile even snatched the bag from the man’s hand and left without getting her change. That’s when I knew something was different. I had never seen her be anything but kind to others.”

My father rubs at his eyes, suddenly looking tired. His shoulders are slumped. His legs splayed wide. I can’t help the way my heart squeezes for him. My body finally relaxes and on instinct I reach out to him.

“Father, can I get you anything?”

“What?” His hand drops as he stares at me with dazed eyes. Like he forgot I was here. “Oh…no, no. I’m fine. Where was I?” He straightens but he still seems bent. “Ah, yes. Your mother spent the next few days studying the book and visiting the ruined temple. She didn’t eat, barely slept. The only time she seemed to take a break was when she would call your grandfather. She always stepped outside during the calls. I knew she was hiding something from me but I didn’t want to push her. One night, a bright flash drew me outside. I looked for your mother but the streets were empty save for a woman dressed strangely across the street. She wore a beautiful dark blue pant suit but the jacket was unusual. It was slightly bustled and fell in flowing, iridescent strips to the back of her knees. I watched her for a second and I could have sworn she was speaking to someone, but she was alone.

“I went back inside and tried calling Emilie. It went to voicemail but before I could get worried she came back inside. I tried to confront her about her behavior but she just dismissed my concerns. We flew home the next day. I’m not sure if you noticed a difference-”

“I noticed.”

He holds my eyes for a second then nods slowly. His hand comes up and grips my shoulder. A single fierce squeeze. A connection. A shared loss. Then gone. His eyes shift to a vacant spot on the floor and the last of my unease leaks from my muscles. “One day she woke me just as the sun was rising. She was excited and demanding to go to the market to get supplies. She picked up a bouquet of violets, a pearl, a vial of salt water, a lotus flower, and several other random items.

“I had since stopped asking what was going on, knowing that she wouldn’t answer me. Instead, I watched. I watched as she grounded down the pearl. I watched as she dried out the lotus and turned it to dust. I watched as she mixed the ingredients. I watched as she soaked the violets into the solution. I watched as she left out the front door. I waited for her to return. I waited all day. I waited most of the night. I called your grandfather steadily but could never reach him. In the early hours, after you had gone to sleep, I went looking for her.”

My father finally sits forward. His eyes lock onto mine. Guilt. Regret. Frustration. Anger. All stare back at me.

“I didn’t find her. I found the woman in Tibet. The one in the amazing pant suit and jacket. Her gold hair was splayed across the ground. A graceful mask concealed her face. Flat green eyes looked right through me. Unseeing. I felt for a pulse. Strong and steady. Her breathing was even but she wasn’t there. I was about to go for help when I saw it. Emilie’s broach. I reached for it. My fingers trembled so badly I barely was able to remove it. A blinding light like the one in Tibet surrounded us and then it was your mother lying in the alley.”

I don’t know when I started to cry. I only notice it as I see a tear rolling down my father’s cheek and felt my own.

“A small sound leads me to a tiny peacock lying next to her. It’s weak. I pick it up and it pleads with me to protect her. With a tiny breath it says something about the book and falls into a similar state as Emilie.”

He wipes his eyes and stands up. He paces in front of me and I start to feel anxiety creep up the base of my skull. I know what is coming. I know what he is about to reveal. I want to hide from it as much as I want my suspicions confirmed.

“I lied to your grandfather. I said I never found her. I claimed she left and never came back. I said she took the book and the broaches and disappeared. He didn’t like it but he had no reason to believe I was lying. I devoured the book. I researched and studied and read and spoke to Nooroo, the butterfly Kwami. He thinks that your mother was trying to enhance the Miraculouses power. He thinks she was trying to recreate pearl of the heart. It is a miraculous specific healing power. I – I think…” He clutches his head and crumbles to his knees. His forehead presses into the floor and his next words are a strain for even my enhanced hearing. “…she did it for me.” His voice gravel and muted against the floorboards. “The peacock’s ability is emotion based. It gives form to intense feelings. She wanted to help me; wanted to take away my fears of failure. ”

I should go to him. I can hear his sobs and see his shoulders shake. I want to but I’m locked in place. Too much is happening. Too much to think about. How did my father know all this. Why didn’t I know? What does Ladybug know? If she did know something would she even tell me? She’s kept so many secrets from me I can’t be sure. I don’t have any answers but one question weights on my tongue. One question I can easily get answered right now.

“What does any of this have to do with Cat Noir?” My words are cold but it seems to help. My father collects himself before standing back up. He adjusts his cravat and smooths his hair. A quick clearing of his throat and he turns and looks into my eyes; his need obvious.

“I need the Ladybug and Cat Noir miraculouses. Once I have both I can fulfill a wish-“

“No, father,” I cut him off before he can even start. “There’s a price for the wish. If you ask for mom back someone else must take her place. I can’t wish this onto someone else.”

My father’s smile is gentle as he steps toward me. A hand gently strokes through my hair.

“You’re so much like her. No son that is not my wish. I wish she had never found the book or the miraculouses. I wish that the remaining guardian had found them instead.”

I forget to breath. That could work. What would it change? I can’t think of anything too terrible. I track my father’s face as he kneels down in front of me, our eyes level. Equal.

“Please, help me. Please help me get ladybug’s earrings and keep your mother safe. That’s all I want. That’s all I’m after.”

I can’t look away from the sincerity I see. I want to shout ‘yes.’ I want to help my mother. His words from before echo in my head. It holds me back.

I would give up everything to change what happened.

Would I give up everything?

Chapter Text

The cab driver’s eyes catch mine in the rearview mirror and dart away. I try not to bristle at her anxious looks, like I’m going to freak out and start tearing apart the backseat. I know I’m giving off vibes but I’m not even close to losing my temper. Besides I have every right to have vibes to give off. Tonight has sucked. Majorly. Another flicker in the rearview and our eyes meet again. I close my eyes and press my forehead against the frosty window trying to count to ten. I won’t give her the satisfaction of being right and screaming at her to stop acting like I’m a ticking time bomb.

I shiver as the chill spreads from the glass to my skin. Damn Alya for ditching my coat. Now it’s cold out and I am barely covered. And for what? To entice Adrien? Mission failed. In fact, damn Alya for making me wear this stupid outfit to begin with. Oh no, better yet, damn Alya for not letting me give up my bracelet to Kagami and just skipping this night completely. While I’m at it, damn Alya…

A cool hand wraps around my waist as a soft body presses into my side.

“Are you mad at me?”

My shoulders sag and I feel the aggravation slip away. Alya does what all the counting in the world could not. I cover her hand with my own and squeeze.

“No Alya. I’m sorry if I’m being grumpy. I’m just..” I shake my head softly. “It’s not you.” And it wasn’t. She was just here and it was easy to blame her. Another sigh escapes me and I turn into Alya’s embrace. The desire to be held overwhelming. She pulls me close as I snuggle down and lay my head on her shoulder. A gentle warmth is shared between us but it doesn’t reach the melancholy deep in my bones. “I just feel stupid. And small. I feel like a tiny, naïve, dumb-dumb.” I bite into my bottom lip. “Both of them Alya. Both made me feel so important one moment and inconsequential the next. And I let them.”

Alya’s arms pull me in tight. “Oh honey… I’m so sorry. I had such high hopes tonight. It started off so well. I just didn’t expect this from Adrien. He has never been one to mess with someone else’s feelings. He’s usually so careful and considerate. You don’t know what happened? He didn’t say anything?”

“No.” The melancholy deepens. “We were dancing.” My eyes drift closed and I can feel his warm breath tickling through my hair. The way his fingers grazed my skin then gripped tight to my hips. His body pressed close into mine. “Then I just felt him stop. When I turned around…” God his eyes. They were so haunted. “I don’t know. He just stared at me and then left. Ran.”

Alya shakes her head. “So weird. Maybe he…” She pulls away enough to look me in the face. Her eyes are hopeful. “Maybe he was feeling something and he wanted to end things with Kagami first. He could have handled things better but maybe that’s why he bolted.” I feel her stiffen. Her demeanor sags and she nestles back against me.  “Nevermind. It’s pointless to speculate with that boy. Don’t feel like a dumb-dumb though. We all thought something was happening tonight.” We sit in preoccupied silence before Alya shifts and asks what’s really on her mind. “So…um…what happened…with…uh, Luka? I know it was probably hard to see him again but…you didn’t seem upset. And then you did. What changed?”

It’s my turn to pull away and look in Alya’s eyes. They always remind me of warm honey and vibrant moss. I wrap myself in her concern like a warm blanket.

“I meant to say something the other day when Nino invited us to this but then class started. You said that Luka was a sore subject for me. I think I unintentionally let you think something that wasn’t true.” Alya’s brows pinch but she doesn’t interrupt. “I know I was moody after Luka left but…it wasn’t because of him.” I watch her eyebrows lift and her eyes widen with questions but she still doesn’t interrupt. “He didn’t want to leave. He, uh, asked me to ask him to stay. Then he..uh,” I clear my dry throat but my next words still come out a scratchy whisper, “he kissed me.”

“What?!” Alya pulls away from me breaking our warm cocoon. I glance at the driver and of course she’s watching us. Nosey. I give her a hard look and she focuses back on the road. “Luka kissed you and you didn’t tell me? Your first kiss and you don’t TELL me?” Her anger draws my eyes back to her as she leans back and folds her arms over her chest, a scowl darkening her face.

I pause to try and explain but I hadn’t thought of it that way. I guess I did kind of keep it from her. Guilt makes my face scrunch and I look out the window over her shoulder. “I’m sorry Alya. I didn’t even think about it. After what happened I just..” I look in her eyes. I know I have to tell her everything or she’s going to know I’m holding back. I sigh and shift to face her fully. “I really liked Luka but I didn’t realize that he really liked me too. I, maybe, thought there was something but I never really let myself believe it and he didn’t come out and say anything definite until he was already set to leave. It caught me off guard and I couldn’t ask him to stay. Not when he had all these plans. I couldn’t hold him back. He kissed me and it was…” I watch the side of her mouth tug up into a smirk and I can’t stop the smile that spreads across my face. “It was magic. He made my head spin…” The smile slides away. “but I still told him he couldn’t stay.”

She shakes her head. “Spill it Mari, I know there’s more to it. You wouldn’t be so cagey if that was all that was going on. Besides, you were devastated. It wouldn’t have affected you that deeply if you told him to leave and he did. Like you already said you liked Luka. You acted like your heart was ripped out. That doesn’t happen with ‘like.’

“I, uh…” I square my shoulders. Here goes nothing. “After Adrien started dating Kagami, I kind of developed feelings for someone else.”

Alya looks like I slapped her. Slowly, her shoulders soften and eyes turn speculative. She leans toward me. “Who?”

I shift uncomfortably. “I developed feelings for, um…I really, really liked…” I can’t look Alya in the eye. She won’t understand because she can’t know how deep my feelings for Chat were. She will attribute it all to a girlish crush and cheapen what I felt. She couldn’t know how close we actually were. “I fell in love with someone else. I fell in love with someone outside of school.” I continue on before she has a chance to interrupt. “Someone I have known for a while. When I let him know how I felt though he told me he was seeing someone else. I think, maybe, at one time he really liked me but I overlooked him because of Adrien. By the time I noticed him it was too late.” I sigh and flick my hands in the air. “That’s why I couldn’t ask Luka to stay. I had wanted to give this guy a chance but it didn’t work out either way for me. That’s why I was upset then. It wasn’t because Luka hurt me. If anything I hurt him. I just..I felt like I had let everything slip through my fingers.”

Alya watches me. “You’re not going to tell me who this other guy is, are you?”

I shake my head.

There’s a struggle in her gaze. She wants to push. I silently beg her not to. She holds my gaze but I can see she’s struggling. She breaks first. “Fine. I you’ve had a bad night I won’t badger you.” Relief floods me. “Tonight.” Her eyes hold mine again with a wicked smile. Swallowing becomes difficult but she continues on giving me a reprieve. “So when you saw Luka tonight you saw a second chance?” I nod. “So what happened? You didn’t look nearly as happy when you guys came back with drinks.”

I pick at my fingers to keep from meeting her eyes. “I was really happy to see him and then he started talking about how he was coming back here. He wanted to settle down. He looked at me like he wanted me in this new chapter of his life.” Her head nods and I’m comforted that I wasn’t the only one who thought that. “I was over the moon when we left to get drinks.” My shoulder lifts to dismiss what I had hoped. “Once we started talking though I let my insecurities get to me. I mean, we just happened to run into each other. If I was the reason for his shift in priorities wouldn’t he have sought me out?” I tried to gauge her reaction but she was hard to read. “I guess I just realized I didn’t really know him anymore and I was getting my hopes up to possibly be let down, again.”

Alya reaches over and covers my hand with hers. “Or you are letting something good slip through your fingers again.” She smiles gently at me. “Give him a chance. He wanted to stay. Now he’s coming back here when he could have gone anywhere.” I can’t stop the hope that creeps into my heart. “See where this could go without letting others distract you. Other unavailable blond models that need to get their shit together.”

I smile and she wraps her arms around me again. This time her warmth burns away any lingering sadness. I mull over what she said as I watch the city through the window. More and more buildings start to look familiar and I know we’re almost to my house. I’m still thinking about what to do when we pull up to the bakery. I’m distracted as Alya hands me my coat from her car and hugs me one last time. I walk into the dark bakery in a daze and make it to my room without even thinking about what I was doing.

I’m consumed with what I should and shouldn’t do. I want to give Luka a chance but tonight has shown that I’m still hung up on Adrien. Plus Chat Noir is still a constant figure in my daydreams. Some less innocent than others. Is it fair? Can I let two blonds go for a chance with my dark haired musician?

I come to a decision.

Blinking I realize I’m lying in bed just staring at the ceiling with Tiki asleep on my belly. She gently rises and falls with my breathing. I don’t even remember climbing into bed. I gently lift her to my pillow and turn to find my phone. It’s not lying near me. I scramble to check beside my bed and practically fall off in my haste. My head thumps on the wall making Tiki stir.

“Marinette? What’s wrong?” Her sleepy little voice does nothing to quell my sudden urgency.

“Nothing Tiki,” I rub at the lump forming on the top of my head, “I’m just looking for my phone.”

Bouncing off the edge of the mattress, I slide/trip down the stairs and start looking for where it could be.

“It was in your purse last night. Did you take it out?” Tiki askes around a yawn as she settles onto the corner of my desk.

My mind is a blank on what I did when I came in my room. “I don’t think so.” I fumble around trying not to make a bunch of noise or knock anything over in my frenzy. “You don’t happen to know where I left my purse do you Tiki?”

A silver giggle draws my attention. With a playful smile, Tiki points at the floor by my desk. I return her smile and slip when race to look where she’s pointing. My hip hits hard on the hardwood floor but I spot the strap half hidden behind my desk. I pick it up and in one motion dump the whole thing onto my rug. My phone sits on the top.

I toss it in my lap and start sifting through lipstick and a hairbrush and a million other inconsequential things as Tiki drifts down and snags a leftover macaron. “I thought you needed you’re phone?”

“I do but I’m looking for…HA!” I lift Luka’s business card above my head and wiggle in victory, earning another sweet giggle from Tiki. She flies over to perch on my shoulder as I enter Luka’s information into my contacts. My thumb hovers over the message icon next to his number.

 “Should I give him a chance Tiki?”

I’m surprised by the conflict behind her eyes as they flick back and forth studying my own. Her lips press together as if to hold back what she wants to say. “He’s a good man.”

My head tilts at her answer. “You don’t like him.”

“I didn’t say that. This decision is yours to make, Marinette. This is an area where I can’t interfere, where I wouldn’t want to.”

“Is this because of Chat Noir?” Those beautiful eyes shift to the ground and her shake of the head is more dismissive than a negative answer.

I look back to my phone. The time catches my eye. It’s really late. Would he even still be up? Would he be busy? Would he even be alone?

He could have gone anywhere.

Biting into my lip I follow Alya’s advice and give him a chance. I hit the text button next to Luka’s name.

            Mari: Any plans tomorrow?

Before I even put down my phone it buzzes against my fingers. With a dopey smile I unlock the screen.

            Luka: I have a lunch date with and old friend at noon. I just don’t know where she would like to eat.

My silly heart skips.

            Mari: I personally have always loved HolyBelly. The question is breakfast or lunch?

            Luka: Well, I know she loves breakfast.

            Mari: Any sane woman would love breakfast, especially from there.

            Luka: So she’ll be at HolyBelly 5 at noon?

            Mari: I bet she can’t wait

            Luka: Neither can I.

I see dots appear next to his name like he’s typing but it takes several seconds before a short message pops up.

            Luka: I’m so glad I ran into you tonight, Marinette.

            Mari: Me too Luka.

I want to say more but I can’t make my fingers type. Tiki’s reluctance makes me hesitate and second guess myself. There’s more to this then Tiki not wanting to influence my decision. I wait too long and another message from Luka pops up.

            Luka: Sweet dreams, Marinette.

I smile softly.

            Mari: Goodnight, Luka.

I rub Tiki’s cheek and practically float back up to my bed, not even bothering to clean up the mess on the floor. I fall back onto it feeling giddy.

“I feel good about this Tiki. If there was something wrong with Luka you would tell me right?”

Her voice is small as she responds. “Of course, Marinette. Like I said, he’s a good man. He would never hurt you.”

“I hope you’re right Tiki. Alya says…OH! I have to tell Alya!”

            Mari: Still up?

            Alya: What’s up girlie?

            Mari: Sooooo, I took your advice.

            Alya: Which one? I’m pretty sure I handed out a lot of it tonight. LOL

            Mari: I texted Luka and we’re meeting up tomorrow.

            Alya: What?! Really?! YES! I expect a full report tomorrow. No more secrets.

            Mari: I will tell you everything that happens. Promise.

            Alya: On your date.

Oh I liked the sound of that. A date with Luka.

            Mari: Yeah, yeah. On my date. Night.

            Alya: Night

I kiss Tiki’s head as I jump in the shower and start getting ready for bed. I’m brushing my teeth when I catch my reflection. My hair is wet and lying flat against my head. I still have raccoon eyes from my makeup but for the first time in a long time I look excited. Tonight has improved considerably and I’m looking forward to lunch tomorrow with Luka. A minty smile stretches across my face.

Take that Adrien.

Chapter Text

Shorts fly through the air as I dig through the mound of clothes accumulating on my floor. What to wear? What to wear? What to wear? Huh. I tug my silk burgundy camisole out from under my pillow. This could work. Sexy and simple with its lace trim. I hold it up to Tiki who gives me a thumbs up. She’s a little more excited today then she was last night but I still feel like she’s… apprehensive?....about me dating Luka.

“With a Kimono, Maybe?”

“Ohhh perfect!”

Hmmmm. Where did I put it? I crawl on the floor tossing clothes out of my path. Tiki buzzes past me and tugs up the summer dress I tried on to reveal my powder blue Kimono with the delicate burgundy flowers.

“What would I do without you! See you in a bit” I flip Tiki into the air and she does a summersault then zooms happily around my head.  

“Good Luck!” I’m laughing as I scoop up a distressed pair of shorts and try and to get dressed as fast as possible without falling on my face.

I washed all of the hairspray out of my hair last night but it was still damp when I fell asleep. So, of course it’s sticking up and lying wonky. I do a quick side braid letting it lay over my shoulder and grab a pair of high heeled sandals as I rush down the ladder to the main house.

 “You’re running late, dear.”

“I know, Mom. I know,” I huff.

Rushing up to my mom, I smack a wet kiss onto her cheek. “Blahk!” She rubs her palm roughly over the spot.

“Don’t rub off my kisses! I might think you don’t love me.” I yell over my shoulder as I make my way to the door still barefoot.

“Just rubbing it in so I can keep it forever,” She deadpans.

A giggle escapes as I make it to the stairs. I hop down two at a time making it to the bottom at a breakneck speed. I pause for just a second to pull on my sandals then dart into the bakery.

“Bye Dad! I’ll be back soon.” I turn and jog backward so I can blow him a kiss. He returns it.

Just as I turn back around I see a customer in my path. With a squeak I flail to the side, just managing to miss colliding. I don’t miss a step though and I’m out the door trekking my way to the restaurant. Enthusiasm bubbles in my chest and I practically skip down the crowded streets of Paris. I sway and dance past people feeling myself getting closer to Luka. Eagerness and possibility makes my walk seem short and in no time I am standing at the entrance; out of breath and out of sorts staring at the man waiting for me.

Sitting there like no one else exists is Luka. I watch him through the windowed front. He is leaning back at one of the long booths along the galley wall. His long legs easily cover the width of the table. Forearms rest easily on the table as he slowly twirls his coffee cup. His head is down and his dark hair is loose. With it down I see only the very ends are dyed turquoise as if he’s trying to grow it out. It’s so long it covers his eyes but I see his mouth, pressed in a thin line. He wears a fitted black blazer over a grey v neck t-shirt. His jeans are dark but worn with holes and tears from use not fashion. He sits comfortably but there is tension. Like he is trying to appear nonchalant but he’s too careful, too controlled.

I smile to the hostess as I indicate that I’m meeting someone already seated. She nods and directs me to go on back. I feel my steps slow as I get closer. My enthusiasm tinged with nervousness. All the rush to get here and here I am. Am I doing the right thing? Tiki’s reaction weighs heavily on me but then Luka’s eyes lift and connect to mine. A wide smile stretches my cheeks and I feel a weight lift. With a deep breath I force my steps to finally reach our table. When I step close Luka’s entire face changes, a heavy shadow lifts with the corners of his mouth. He stands and pulls me into a hug. Warmth surrounds me. Warmth tinged by cigarette smoke. I ignore the faint smell and enjoy the feel of him. Enjoying the way the hug lingers.  

“I didn’t think you would come,” he whispers into my hair. My happiness wavers as I try not to let his words hurt. His lack of faith stings, though, and my body stiffens in response. He notices my reaction and squeezes a little tighter before letting go. “but I’m really glad you’re here.”

We sit and I pick up the menu to hide what I’m feeling. “I said I would be.”

He just nods as he studies me over the barrier. “You did but I was too scared to hope.”

I meet his eyes. They’re so vulnerable. So uncertain. So unlike the man who was at the club last night. I smile as my unease melts away. “I wouldn’t have missed this chance, Luka.”

“Good.” His smile is luminescent. “So…how was it last night?” My lips purse before I can think better of it. He laughs. “That good huh?”

Steeling my features to appear unaffected, I look over the menu. “We all hung out a little. Adrien left early. Then Alya and I left later after Nino had been DJing for a while.”

“Oh yeah? I thought that was him up there. He was really awesome. Tell him he killed it for me.”

A smile softens my mouth. “I’m sure he would love to hear that. You being a big rock star now”

Luka rolls his eyes at me and picks up his own menu. “I’m definitely not a rock star. I barely played back up guitar at a handful of shows.”

My eyes flick over his shoulder. “Tell that to the two girls sitting in the booth across from us. They are one smile away from melting into the floor.”

I watch his eyes follow my gaze to the booth and that’s all the invitation they needed. Two pretty girls with way too much eyeliner run up to our table. The one with black and turquoise stripes in her hair grabs his arm.

“Oh. My. GOD! Are you Luka Couffaine? I knew that was you! I saw you play with Jagged Stone. You were AMA-ZING!” She continues on in a hyper monologue gushing about how talented and sexy Luka is then hauls him from his seat for a picture. Her arms circle his neck and she drags him down so their cheeks press together. You can see he’s lacking air as she squeezes. Flashes fill my vision and the girls are gone just as quickly as they came.

Luka blinks then straightens his blazer. He gives me a quick look out of the corner of his eye. Clearing his throat he sits back down. “That was a fluke.”

“Mmmm hmm,” I hum and go back to studying the menu with a satisfied smirk. His knee bumps mine beneath the table and the smirk stretches into a grin. I glance up and lock eyes with Luka.

Before either of us can say anything a waitress breezes up. “What can I get you guys?” She asks while already writing on her pad not looking at us.

Luka nods at me. “I’ll take the black rice porridge, please and a Chung Hoa tea.” I say as I hand her my menu.

She turns slightly to Luka as she stares at her pad and scribbles. “A savory stack for me.”

“Great. Be right out.” And she’s gone.

Luka and I look at each other and smile. “Efficient. I like it,” he says.

I just shake my head and laugh. “What about you? How was your night?”

Luka’s smile dips. A shoulder shrugs. “I actually left fairly early. I saw about thirty minutes of Nino’s set before I headed home.” He tries for an unsuccessful smile. “My head wasn’t really in it.”

On instinct my hand reaches out for his. Did he leave because of me? I replay how we left things. He was so earnest wanting to spend time with me; wanting to talk. But that doesn’t change the fact that he only wanted that after running into me. It’s a small thing but a thing none the less for me. I can’t help the feeling that he’s making plans and they don’t involve me but he’s making it seem like they do. I don’t want another guy playing with my feelings. I want to be careful but maybe I do owe him some sort of an apology for basically blowing him off. His eyes hold mine as he turns his hand over and grips my hand back. His is warm and calloused and so gentle.

“All right savory stack for you.” We barely move out of the way before a deep plate filled with pancakes and bacon and sunny side up eggs plop in front of Luka. “And porridge for you.” A Bowl full of dark mush slides toward me followed by my tea. “Enjoy!” And she was gone, again.

Luka slathers bourbon butter over both pancakes before dumping maple syrup on top. I follow his thumb as it comes up to his mouth and he sucks off a glob of butter.

His eyes catch mine and he smirks. I don’t miss how my cheeks aren’t the only ones to flush. There’s a slightly awkward pause but Luka recovers quickly.

“You know black rice is also called forbidden rice.” The way he says forbidden makes my cheeks heat just a little bit more.

I nod into my bowl. “I’ve heard my mom call it that before.”

“Ah, but do you know why they call it that?”

I pause and tilt my head to think. “I don’t think I’ve ever asked. Okay I’ll bite. Why is black rice forbidden?”

Luka’s smile stretches into something cheeky before turning studious. “Black rice is high in antioxidants and has more nutritional value then white or brown rice. Ancient Chinese knew it had added health benefits so it was reserved for the emperor to ensure he had a long and healthy life. It was forbidden to everyone else.”

“That must be why it tastes so good. People always want what they can’t have.”

The look that passes over Luka’s face, longing and intensity, makes my breath catch almost as much as what he says next. “Or you just have to let some time pass. Now nothing’s stopping you from enjoying black rice.”

His double meaning hangs heavy between us. His desire to continue our relationship seeming like it was apparent from the beginning. It hits a nerve.

“Nothing except maybe availability.” I can’t help but snap at him.

He sits back at my tone. I instantly regret my words and try to hide my meaning with a gentle smile. With a considering eye he changes the subject.

“You’re graduating soon. Any plans?”

“I’ve applied to a few universities,” I mask my touchiness by taking a bite of food and savoring the earthiness of the black rice and the sweet notes of vanilla, “but I’m hoping to be accepted into LISAA School of Design. It’s in Paris so I have the choice of sharing a flat with other students or living at home.”

“I’m sure your parents appreciate you staying close.”

“Oh, well, yeah ..but one of the schools is in…,” I hesitate. I was hoping to hold off on talking about this. “One is in New York so there’s still a possibility I won’t be close.”

Luka pauses chewing for a second. Without looking at me he talks around his food. “There are a lot of opportunities in New York.”

“There are.” I swallow a bite of fig before I give him a peek at my idea. “In a lot of different fields. Fields completely outside of fashion.”

Luka’s eyes finally lock onto mine. His eyebrows raised slightly in question. “Yeah. I’ve noticed that, too.”

He had looked at opportunities in New York. He was looking at opportunities outside of Paris. He did say he is just here for Juleka’s graduation. So why tell Adrien that he may be staying in Paris? He did say if his plans worked out but what plans? He was looking at other cities. He didn’t try and see me, contact me. Why make me feel like he was still interested? A horrible thought makes my temper flare. Did he tell Adrien that simply to get under his skin? Stake a claim he could care less about. My expression hardens at the possibility. Luka notices the change.

Feeling vindictive I ask, “How long have you been in town?” I don’t even bother hiding the edge to my voice.

Luka holds my stare for a second before he huffs. With a hard head shake he flicks his hands up. “So this is how it’s going to go?” When I only glare back his lips press into a hard line. “Ok.” He exhales with derision and leans in close, his expression incredulous. “If there’s something you want to ask just ask it Mari. Don’t give me passive aggressive bullshit trying to trick me into revealing something.” My heart rate picks up and heat floods my face. I try to pull away but Luka grabs hold of my hand. His grip is firm but not painful. “If I have to guess what you’re really asking me then my answer is; I’ve been in town long enough to call you up. I’ve been in town long enough for us to hang out. Hell, I’ve probably been in town long enough for us to have gotten together and become pretty serious. But I didn’t call you. I didn’t want to hang out. I didn’t know if I wanted to ever see you again.

We sit there awkwardly for a second. Close together. His hand holding onto mine. His eyes trying to find mine and me looking at the shoes of the person next to us. We may have sat there like that forever if the waitress didn’t walk up.

“How is everything? Still working or can I get you a togo box?” Her emphasis on the ‘togo’ let us know she needed the table and wanted us to hurry. 

Luka lets go of my hand. “Go ahead and bring us togo boxes please.”

My eyes shoot up to his. I see resignation but he also looks like he’s disheartened. My heart longs to reach out to sooth him but my pride refuses to budge. I’m tired of my feelings being treated carelessly. I can’t stop thinking that Luka has other plans and I’m not sure how much I can trust his intentions. Unspoken things hover around us but he stays quiet and so do I. We both know the waitress will come back and we don’t want to be interrupted.

The waitress drops the boxes and the check off before she zooms off again.

Luka holds my stare. It’s intense. When he continues his voice is steady and low. “The tour has been over for a few months. I travelled a little with friends and talked to different people in the business trying to settle on what I wanted to do next. I only came home because of Juleka graduating. I wouldn’t miss that. As soon as I landed, though, I thought of you.” His eyes drop to his plate and he starts scooping food into one of the boxes. “I wanted to call you. I even asked Juleka if you still had the same number.” He looks at me through his lashes. “I never did delete your number from my phone.” He studies my reaction then continues boxing up his food with a shrug. “I tried to call several times; I just could never work up the courage to actually hit the send button.”

He tosses his last piece of bacon in the box and closes the lid. When he looks back to me, his eyes are angry. “You told me to go. You kissed me. You kissed me and the world stood still. You kissed me and then you told me I HAD to go.” Hurt crept into his eyes. Hurt and an accusation. “How was I supposed to feel after that? How was I supposed to face you after all these years when I was already so fucking in love with you before I left and you just sent me away? You said I’d never leave if I fell in love. I was already in love. YOU were the one who wasn’t. YOU didn’t want to chance falling.”

His words were a punch to the stomach. One word in particular. I sat there stunned as he threw money down on the table. I watch it flutter down to the table. Way too much for the bill and tip combined. I look back up at him but he’s gone. I jump up and chase after him leaving behind my barely eaten food.

“Luka!” I barrel out of the door making the bell on top shriek. His steps falter but he doesn’t stop. “LUKA!” I sprint in front of him. He stops short but easily steps around me and continues on. I jog alongside him, the heels and my shorter legs making it difficult. “Please stop. You wanted to talk so let’s talk. Don’t you want to hear my side? My feelings?”

“I know your feelings. It was pretty clear last night. I saw the way you and Adrien looked at each other. There’s still something there. That’s why you wanted me to go. I complicated things for your obsession with Adrien. I saw it before I left and I still see it now. I was stupid to think that anything had changed.” The smack of his boots hitting the pavement increases in speed.

I grab his arm and plant my feet dragging him to a stop. “It has changed. You changed it. You changed everything. Please, let’s just go somewhere and talk, Let me explain.” We stare at each other. Both of us breathing heavy and feeling raw. I swallow but my voice still comes out small. “Did you really love me?”

Luka’s lips press together and after a second he nods.

Feeling bolstered that he wasn’t running away I take a step closer and continue. “Could you love me again?”

Luka’s head jerks. His eyes aren’t a tranquil ocean any longer. They are a tropical hurricane. He leans in close and I try not to flinch away. “I never stopped.”

A strong arm wraps around my waist lifting me from the ground as hard, devouring lips crash to my mouth. I try to keep up. I try to match his passion but I am overcome. A whimper escapes my throat as a warm tongue brushes inside my mouth. I cling to Luka as he holds me in the air. My fingers digging into his shoulders. I don’t notice the jostle and grumbles of people as they try to get by. At some point Luka must have lost his food because his free hand is now gripping the back of my head. Nails dragging along my scalp making my already overstimulated nerves go crazy. With a feral growl he breaks the kiss and drops me back onto my feet. Grabbing my hand he tugs me across the street; straight into a hotel.

I don’t know what Luka is thinking as he pulls me into an elevator, hitting the 4 button. I’m nervous. I shift from foot to foot and realize I’m trembling. I worry about what Luka’s expectations are. That kiss was heated and intense but I’m not ready for more. I’m not ready for him to claim another first from me.

His hand tightens around mine in understanding. “It’s okay Marinette. I just want to talk without a bunch of people around.” His voice is rough and he seems to be trying to keep himself under control. My heart soars from the fact he is still trying to recover from our kiss and the fact he knows me well enough to reassure me.

The door opens and he lets go of my hand. I follow him into a hallway and take a sharp right, trailing him to nearly the end. He throws open his hotel door and wrestles out of his blazer, throwing it roughly on the bed. He doesn’t look to see if I follow. I stand frozen, still in the hall, and watch him pace. I’m not sure what holds me back. Maybe just the strength of our feelings. The door slowly closes. At the last second I catch it and slip inside.

Luka stands in the middle of the room looking out the window. “This isn’t how I wanted this date to go.” He barely speaks loud enough to hear. “I didn’t mean to bring up…all that.”

I walk further in the room but hesitate getting too close. The feel of his lips on mine. His arms encircling my body. I need to keep my distance so I’m not tempted. He needs to hear my explanation and I need to not be distracted.

“I’m glad you did.  I’m glad things were brought up.” I swallow and force myself to continue. “See, I did kind of send you away because of someone. Not Adrien but I …” This was so hard but at least he still had his back to me. I won’t have to see how this may hurt him. “I just didn’t want to have you miss an opportunity when everything was so complicated. Did you ever think about how you would have felt if you stayed and we didn’t work out? I couldn’t chance you hating me.” Luka runs his fingers through his hair but thankfully doesn’t turn around. “I have a lot of history with Adrien but it’s never been in the romantic category. Anything you picked up on last night was a strange fluke that I don’t understand. There was someone else though and I couldn’t hold you back and ask you to stay if I had those feelings for someone else, too.”

Luka’s shoulders sag and his chin drops to his chest. There is an actual pain in my chest at seeing him like this. I can’t hold back. Reaching my arms around his waist and pressing my forehead into the soft material of his t-shirt, I do my best to offer him comfort.

“My feelings for you are very real. Even back then. But they were also very new. I had to sort myself out and I couldn’t compromise your future. So I told you to go. But that kiss was the best I have had. The world stood still for me too.”

Luka gently grips my clasped hands and presses them into his stomach. “So why do you keep pushing me away?”

I try to pull away but Luka’s grip keeps me in place. I sigh into his shirt. “You said you love me?” I let the question hang between us. After a few nervous seconds He gives a stiff nod. “But you are looking at opportunities in New York. You’re forced to come back to Paris for your sister’s graduation, my graduation, and I don’t hear from you. You’re making plans without any thought about someone you claim to love.”

Luka turns in my embrace until he’s facing me. Stormy eyes staring down into me. “I looked at opportunities in New York because Juleka said you were looking at New York. I have put off making a career choice until you had made one.” He bites into his lip and I can feel his unease at making himself so vulnerable. “I wanted to be close to you. Where ever you decided to be.”

My eyes burn and my chin wobbles. I fight to keep the emotions welling up in my chest from escaping but I fail. Silent tears drip down my cheeks and I squeeze my eyes closed to process everything. A coarse thumb bushes the moisture away. I indulge in the gentle scrap along my cheek and sigh out my tension. I become putty in Luka’s arms.

“What are you doing tomorrow night?” Luka’s voice is tender.

I open my eyes and smile a fragile assent. “Well, I have this dinner date with an old friend but I don’t know where to take him.”

Luka squeezes me tight as his lips tug into buoyant grin at my use of his tactic last night. “I personally love Les Arlots.”

“Hmmm, good choice. Say maybe 8?”

“I think 8 could work.” Luka gives me one final squeeze before letting go and taking a step back.

I turn to leave but at the last second I turn back to him. Going up on my toes I press a sweet kiss to his lips. We both linger. A gentle brushing that sends shivers over my skin. “Forbidden is overrated,” I whisper against his lips. 

Luka grins into the next kiss. “Get out Marinette or I can’t be held responsible for what happens.” With a purposeful hold on my shoulders he spins me to the door and a soft shove sends me toward the exit.

“Bye Luka.” I say around a giggle.

“Bye Marinette.” He breathes out.

As the door closes behind me my fingertips trace my lips that still tingle.

Luka loves me.

Chapter Text

My shoes slide across the rough texture of the roof as I land. The magic in the suit’s boots make my landing as soundless as always. My lady is perched on the ledge of the building unaware she is no longer alone. The red of her costume seems to glow, outlined in city lights. She looks so small, folded in on herself. Ever since the club both Marinette and Ladybug seem distant, not sad but withdrawn, always thinking but never talking. I worry what might be going on in her head. I make a little noise as I approach so I don’t startle her but she doesn’t even look up.

“Still quite out there?” I sit next to her but stay unnaturally far away. I’m sure she notices but doesn’t comment.

“Yeah.” She’s hesitant in her response. There’s more there, I feel it, but she doesn’t give voice to her thoughts. Again.

The silence that fills the space between our words pushes us further and further apart. The longer it stretches and the denser it becomes, the harder it feels to break it. I want so much to reach for her, hold her against my chest. I want to feel her breathing sync with mine. I want to feel just how hard her heart would beat. Would it be slow and content or erratic and searching? Would her fingers grip my shoulders to pull me closer, hold me to her? Could I offer her comfort while I also consider betraying her?

My father has left me alone since he asked me for my help. He hasn’t critiqued my photoshoots. He hasn’t lectured me about my schedule. He hasn’t even attempted to say he’d join me for dinner. He also hasn’t akumatized anyone. He has completely closed himself off from me, his employees, everything. Nathalie is the only sign that he still lives, that he is present, that he is more than a shadow hanging in the back of my mind. When Nathalie’s eyes catch mine for even the slightest moment I feel my father watching. I wonder how much she knows. Everything or nothing would be my guess. The way she watches me makes me feel like my intentions are laid bare. I do my best to hide my conflict from her because of how it would be reported to my father. Even if she is ignorant he would know how to interpret my worry.

I almost wish he would hound me for my decision. At least then I could get a feel for the truth of his promise of only wanting to bring back mother. I can’t help but distrust him. He has tried to get to the other miraculouses more than once, or Hawkmoth has. I’m not convinced that the lure of power hasn’t redirected his focus. What might have started as pure intent may have twisted to personal gain. If I’m right, how far off course has he gone? Does he seek power simply to obtain the cat and ladybug miraculouses? Is he trying to figure a way to retain power even after he has brought back mother? Is his wish even the one he told? I can’t make a decision without knowing more and I can’t know more without speaking with him.

The hairs on the back of my neck stand up like someone is watching me. I look over and find Ladybug’s eyes locked on mine. I almost move away from the impact of it. It’s almost like she knows what I was thinking. I hadn’t realized she had been staring at me and I wonder what secrets my expressions may have given away. Something about this doesn’t feel right.

Ladybug’s head is tilted slightly. Her mouth is parted and soft. It’s her eyes that hold me though. Something about them seems off. Vacant or maybe turned inward. Knowing who she is I recognize the expression. It’s the same haunted look she had at the club, after she fainted. Just like then, I can see her fear. Feel it seep into my skin and wrap around bone, chilling me, freezing me, stealing my breath.

“Waiting is killing me!”

I jump like the scaredy cat I am as Rena Rogue plops down onto the roof followed closely by Carapace. I look back at Ladybug but she seems normal. Simply watching as Rena Rogue paces toward us, her hands smacking at the sky as she rants.

“Why hasn’t he akumatized anyone, huh? What is he waiting for? What is he planning? Should we be preparing for something? Should we try and investigate? Where would we even start? What is he doing? Do villains go on vacation?” She reaches us and turns, smacking right into Carapace. He responds by wrapping her into a hug. The reprieve only lasts a second before she breaks from his hold and continues her apprehensive trek around us.  “Is that it? He’s on a fucking vacation! The least he could have done was left us a note. ‘Out to lunch. Be back in an hour.’ Instead it’s radio silence. A new victim nearly every day! Now? Nothing! Nearly two weeks and NOTHING! This is killing me!”

Carapace catches her in his arms again and holds tight. This time she relaxes into his embrace, pressing her face into his shoulder. His hands dance across her back and arms in soothing strokes as he quietly mummers in her ear. If I hadn’t found out their identity a while ago there would be no question who they were once I realized Ladybug was Marinette. Alya and Nino’s relationship was extraordinary even as their alter egos.

I watch them thoughtfully, an idea tugging at my thoughts. They obviously knew each other’s true identity from early on going by how they acted with each other. I don’t know if they figured it out or if Ladybug told them. If she told them why keep our identities secret at all? If they figured it out then maybe Alya and Nino knowing each other beforehand helps fight the magic that keeps our identities secret. Or maybe their love is just that deep? If it was the latter what does that mean for my feelings for Ladybug? For Marinette? Do I just not know her well enough? I thought I did, now I’m not so sure. I glance over at her and find her studying the city again.

I look back to the couple murmuring. I didn’t even find out who their civilian selves were until we were forced into it a year or so ago. Ladybug and Chat Noir needed help in an impossible situation and Ladybug held off the akumatized victim while I went for reinforcements. I had hated how she never had trusted me with their true names; trusted me with anything really. How much of my father’s story did she know and just wasn’t sharing?

I look back at Ladybug’s profile, my eyes tracing the shell of her ear. How many times have I seen those earrings? The bright red and black spots and the solid black of dormant power. Sitting here now, I could just pluck them from her ears. Reach out. So easy. But I know deep in my gut that I could never do it, even if it’s my mother’s life at stake. I could never betray Ladybug so completely. What would she say if I asked for them? What if I revealed my true identity to her and explain what I had to do? Why I have to do it. Would she see the sense of it? Could she see the pitfalls that I can’t? She’s always been so much better at strategizing. I turn and look out at the city as well. I wish I could talk to her about this. I hate feeling so alone

“Ummmm…is there anything else that’s needed tonight? Neither of us saw any signs of trouble and…” Regina Rouge pauses and glances back at Carapace questioningly but continues on. “…it’s getting late. We, uh, have plans.”

My eyes press together. Damn. Le Manoir. I almost forgot.

From the way Ladybug jerks she obviously had too. “No problem we’ll meet back here in two days. Same time. Be safe.”

And she’s gone. Rena Rogue and Carapace right behind her going in too similar a direction. Ladybug must have realized it too because she veers to the right suddenly before disappearing. We are all heading in the same direction and most of us have to hide this fact. I have a similar problem now. I can’t change too close to the bar we are meeting at for fear of being spotted. If I do it too far though I have a hell of a walk and will be even later then I already am. I shake my head and extend my baton. Might as well get to it.

_______________

My father would be livid if he saw me. My fingers press into the wrinkle between my eyebrows trying to smooth it away. His voice rages in my head about wrinkles and protecting my skin elasticity. Usually, I’m more conscious of my expressions but watching Marinette and Luka canoodle next to me is just about more than I can take. I hadn’t even realized they were dating. I thought after the club two weeks ago that they had parted on bad terms. From the way Luka’s fingers trace the back of her arm as he leans to whisper in her ear, I guess I was wrong.

Alya had invited me with them tonight after not seeing each other since the club; partly because I was ducking them and partly because they were ducking me. I regretted how I had reacted to finding out about Marinette’s identity. I shouldn’t have just run away, especially after our connection that night. The feel of her against me still wakes me some mornings. I should have stayed but it had been too much to process, too much to deal with, too much to feel. So when Alya invited me I jumped at the chance to make amends. I should have known better.

We are going to an all year haunted house tonight named Le Manoir but have to wait until a scheduled time in order to line up to enter it. Nino had suggested me meet at a hole in the wall bar called L’Ours while we waited. I’m the last one to show up since I couldn’t trust my usual spots to de-transform. As soon as I walk in my blood pressure skyrockets and a frown keeps my forehead pinched. A lovely spot next to Marinette had been saved for me, a spot by Marinette and Luka. They had managed to get a crescent booth and the new happy couple was sitting close together at the inside part of the table with Alya and Nino sitting across from me, Alya watching me like she could use popcorn.

“So are we going to get in line or what?” I can’t help but grump.

Alya’s smirk lifts into a worrying smile. “We can’t get in line until our entire party is here.”

The throb in my forehead intensifies.  “Who else is coming?” My teeth grind as I look over at Nino who squirms in his seat. I can’t believe he let Alya spring all this on me.

“We’re doing a triple date Adrien.” Alya’s condescension is clear. “So we’re now waiting on YOUR girlfriend.  She was surprised when I called to make sure she was coming. What’s up with that?”

My next words die on my tongue when I realize what she has said. I focus in on her glare with my own heated look. “You invited Kagami?” What was Alya playing at?

A saccharine smile bellies her cutting words. “She is your girlfriend right, Adrien? At first I thought maybe there had been a recent change? Something that may have swayed your feelings?” Her eye brows lift and her head tilts toward Marinette meaningfully before her expression drops back into derision. “But no, you guys still seem to be going strong.”

My lips roll inward and rub together almost painfully. I remind myself that I deserve her pointed comments. Nothing she can say would touch what I’ve thought about myself lately anyways. My head nods with the acceptance of her scorn until I notice Marinette’s posture next to me. She sits too straight and wants to look completely focused on Luka but her body language gives her away. She is following Alya’s and my conversation closely. Alya doesn’t realize that her little joke on me tonight is backfiring and taking her best friend down with me. Anger swells in me as I feel helpless to protect Marinette.

I grind my teeth to keep my anger in check and I try my best not to add to Marinette’s discomfort. “Thanks for inviting her for me Alya. I hadn’t realized it wasn’t just a group thing. I would hate for anyone to feel slighted or,” I add my own head lean to indicate Marinette, “uncomfortable.”

Vindication floods my system when I see Alya’s eyes widen in realization. She glances quickly over at Marinette to check how she is reacting. The corner of Aly’s lip is caught between her teeth from what she sees and it takes all of my self-control not to look over at Marinette to check on her, too. Alya’s expression clears after a second though as she seems to realize something. Those sharp hazel eyes now bore back into me with a renewed vigor, seeing something I hadn’t meant to let show. I just let slip that I know how Marinette feels. I can see from Alya’s point of view how that must look. How damning that is for me. The last few weeks have been nothing to what her eyes promise now.

Great. Add it to my list.

I slump back. This whole situation is torture and I can’t help but fidget and grump as I try to dodge Alya’s death stare. I spend most of my time ignoring the smell of fresh bread and sweet floral perfume and trying desperately not to accidently brush against Marinette. That may just kill me dead. Instead, I look around at the bar. Their theme is their namesake. Bears are everywhere; on the menu in bear pun names, on the front door as a decal of a bear balancing a martini glass, even on the walls in some crazy paisley wallpaper featuring bear’s drinking alcohol in the woods. Someone really likes bears. A door bangs open drawing everyone’s attention to the front as Kagami breezes in. I lift my hand to get her attention and she heads our way.

I turn back to the table just in time to see Alya roll her eyes. Her passive aggressive jabs at me are one thing but I won’t let her terrorize Kagami just to get back at me. When her gaze returns it crashes into my disappointed frown. She has the decency to look admonished and focuses her attention on Nino, effectively ignoring everyone else. I’m still unclear how I feel about Kagami. I went the last two weeks without texting Kagami first. I wanted to see if what Alya had said weeks ago was true. Did I put more into my relationship with Kagami then she did? So far, I have been disappointed. Our conversations were reduced to short, friendly, surface topics. It has started to make me think that our relationship really is one sided. The disheartening thoughts have the crease between my brows deepening further, something I make an effort to remove as Kagami reaches our table.

“Hello, everyone.” Kagami says and slides close to me in the booth. A hand on my thigh stops me as I move to give her more room. I freeze at the out of character touch but she doesn’t notice as she leans in close to kiss me on the cheek. “Adri-chan. Sorry for how busy I have been lately.” She sits straight but her hand remains possessively high on my leg. “Mother was disappointed with my performance at the last Grand Prix. After attending our practice lately, she has decided I need another hour to my training each day.”

“But you won that competition.”

“Not to the degree she felt I should have. She has been studying the other competitors’ matches and believes I need to improve if I am to take gold in the Olympics this summer.”

“But FIE has you ranked number one. You are almost 100 points above the number two competitor. If she keeps pushing you at this rate you are going to burn out.”

“I. Will. Not. Burn. Out.” Kagami’s hand tenses on my thigh but quickly softens again. “Mother has agreed I do not to need to compete again until the Olympics so I have a few months to prepare and get my mind right.” Her eye’s drop to her hand as it traces circles on my jeans. “I will be fine.”

“You will be spectacular, Ami.” My chin dips to catch her eye and I give her an encouraging smile. That explains why she hasn’t been reaching out to me. Even with this reasonable explanation I feel like something is off. Maybe I’m just looking for something to be there.

She meets my encouraging stare from beneath her lashes and studies me. “Everything okay?” No. So much is not okay but I can’t say that to her, especially here. I just give a noncommittal shrug and a bland smile. “Something is wrong.” Her eyes search mine. “Is it about the Saturday before last?” I see Alya’s head turn and focus openly on our conversation. “You got weird after. I’m sorry. I know you asked to get together but mother just wouldn’t allow it. I tried to sneak away…”

“Did he invite you out two Saturdays ago?” Alya interrupts. I see her eyes flick to me in an accusatory way. Probably thinking I invited Kagami to the club with us.

“No, he just texted me that night.” That didn’t sit any better with Alya as she glares openly at me. Kagami turns and gives me another searching look with an added pout. “Late Saturday night.”

Shit. There was no easy way around this without coming off like an even bigger jerk. I either look like I was texting Kagami as I flirted with Marinette or I admit I was questioning my relationship and trying to set up a time to possibly dump Kagami. I definitely can’t go with the latter so...ugh. I can only hope to make it up to Marinette later if Alya doesn’t kill me first. I adjust so I am positioned more toward Kagami to keep my attention from slipping toward Marinette. I can’t stand to chance seeing her face as I admit to being a two-faced flirt. “Sorry it was so late. I was at Nino’s thing and just didn’t realize the time.” Kagami glances over at Alya who practically has smoke coming from her ears. Confusion clouds her expression so I reach out and cover Kagami’s hand with mine to distract her. I drop my voice as I lean in. “I hope I didn’t wake you.”

She lights up at my touch and I feel like a manipulative asshole. “No, no. I was out cold. You didn’t disturb me. Besides, I like that you text when you’re thinking about me.” She leans in closer. Her breath tickling my neck. “Especially late at night.” The innuendo is clear and I feel my ears burn.

Without meaning to, I slip and glance at Marinette from the corner of my eye. From under the shelter of Luka’s arm draped across her shoulders, Marinette’s eyes catch mine. Her usually clear eyes are drowning in pain. She only holds my gaze for a second before snapping them back to her hands in her lap. Guilt builds in my chest. I deserve this reminder of my behavior and so much more. Marinette does not though. I need to figure out what I want before I hurt people I care about more than I already have.

“Anyways,” Kagami snuggles into my side bringing my attention back to her, “we’re together now. Though….” Her head tilts to study my profile, “I’m surprised Alya invited me instead of you. We haven’t talked much but we have spoken and I don’t remember you even mentioning going out tonight.”

I swallow the frustration bubbling up as I feel too many eyes focused on our conversation. I know Alya set this up to put me in this exact situation. I came out tonight to try and…I don’t know make it right between Marinette and myself. Hopefully get Alya off my back and keep Nino from being put in the middle. I hate not being able to really talk with them. I knew I would have to put up with some shit, especially Alya, but this is just revenge. There is nothing constructive about this and I know it is hurting Marinette and making Kagami feel like something is wrong. Damn Alya and her need for drama. I have enough to deal with between figuring out what I was going to do about my father’s plan, what my feelings for Ladybug/Marinette and Kagami are, and my normal everyday responsibilities. I glare openly at Alya as I try to sooth Kagami’s feelings.

“I’m sorry Ami. I didn’t get all the details until last minute.” My stare dared Alya to challenge me. It’s not like what I said was a lie. I didn’t get that this was a couple’s thing until tonight. “Just a miscommunication.” I turn my head to meet Kagami’s eyes. “I’m really glad you were able to make it.” She smiles then surprises me by kissing me softly. A gentle brush of her lips against mine. A whisper. A promise. Something she never does in public. PDA has always been off limits, yet tonight she has her hand on my thigh. She even snuggled into my side. Now she kissed me. Even if it was a chaste kiss it still meant something big for Kagami. Her smile widens at my surprise and snatches a menu from Alya who huffs.

“What’s good to drink? Oh my!” Kagami actually laughs. “Sex on a Bear? That’s my drink.” She grins up at me in delight and I can’t help feel my heart lift with it. I suddenly feel more like I did when we first started dating, when we felt like partners in crime. Each helping the other to sneak out or cover if we needed to do something we knew our parents wouldn’t approve of. Maybe that’s why I have been so conflicted. I feel like I’m on my own again. I’m feeling lonely.

I glance once more at Marinette to make sure she’s okay only to squeeze my eyes closed to cut off the image that is unfortunately now imprinted on my brain. Luka is whispering something to Marinette but it’s her expression that devastates me. It’s her smile, how clear it is, how unadulterated and happy. Where I am causing her pain and conflict, Luka is lifting her up and making her laugh. They have made me realize just how withdrawn Marinette has been around me. I hadn’t realized how much I missed that smile. A smile I remember being on the receiving end of from behind a mask and without. I was cared about by both Marinette and Ladybug as both Adrien and Chat Noir and I miss it terribly.

Conflicted, I simply sit back as the conversation continues on without me. One thing tonight really sticks out. Why did Kagami kiss me? She seems different tonight, more open. Have I been focusing on the negative aspects of our relationship just to justify my feelings for Marinette? I study Kagami as she chats with my friends. I remember Alya’s story about when we went to the movies before. How Kagami monopolized the conversation. I don’t see that in her tonight. I watch as she speaks animatedly and often but listens when someone else talks. I notice exchanges between Alya and her often has some heat to them and overpowers the rest of the group. Kagami isn’t rude, just seems to have a strong personality. Something that, as Marinette pointed out, Alya shares.

What really surprises me is how often Kagami includes Luka into the conversation. I remember him being reflective and it doesn’t seem like he has out grown his quiet nature. Kagami seems to draw him out. He talks openly with her and they even seem to have experiences outside of the group together. By the look on Marinette’s face, I guess I’m not the only one who is surprised by this.

“So Luka how did you enjoy Bee’s Bar?”

Kagami smiles at the waitress who sets her drink before her. Placing the glass against her red lips she sips delicately. A soft hum of approval escapes as she lowers the glass back to the table and twirls the glass between her fingers. I could see how her talking to someone without giving them her attention could come off as dismissive but she’s very focused on what is being said. I can’t help but feel like I’m letting Alya’s dislike of her influence my feelings. Luka doesn’t seem the least bit bothered by her multitasking and answers with interest. 

“It was amazing. You talked it up and it definitely met expectations. Jagged was even impressed and he can be a real snob about those things sometimes.” This news seems to surprise everyone.

“You’ve seen Luka since he got to town?” Marinette asks in a small voice. I can’t help but notice the reassuring hand Luka rests around her and the way he leans in to whisper in her ear, a gesture that only seems to tighten her posture.

“No. He was in Tokyo with Jagged Stone when I went to visit my grandfather this fall. We happened to be staying at the same hotel and I gave him a restaurant recommendation, that’s all.” Luka nods his head to confirm but Marinette still seems tense. Sensing Marinette’s unease, Alya pushes for us to head out.

“Well, since we’re all here, and it’s nearly our time, let’s settle the tab.”

Kagami slides out of the booth and stands to the side to wait for me. As I get to my feet, she taps on the wallpaper covering the small partition between the booths. It’s an image of a particularly sad bear holding an empty martini glass upside down, frowning as a single drop escapes.

“Poor bear. His drink is all gone.” Kagami leans in and smacks a kiss right between the bear’s furry legs, leaving a perfect red impression of her lips. “There! That should make him smile.” Alya gives us a disgusted look as she walks past and Kagami catches it. She doesn’t say anything and instead turns a silly grin on me. “I see it made YOU smile, at least. That’s good enough for me.” She grabs my hand and we follow the rest of the group out.

I can’t help but snort a laugh and shake my head at Kagami’s antics. I definitely don’t give her enough credit. She does make me smile. She makes me happy. My thumb strokes over the edge of her hand as I hold it and squeeze lightly. She returns it without hesitation and leans into my side as we walk. I had forgotten how easy everything with Kagami can be. How soothing and natural. I feel all my concerns about my feelings melt away.

I love her.

I’m walking next to her without a care in the world until I see just how low Luka’s hand is on Marinette’s back as he leans out to check for traffic before we cross. And I’m back to being a conflicted mess.

Chapter Text

I can’t help but brood when I should be enjoying the warmth of Luka’s body pressed close to mine. I was super excited when I walked into the bar to find Luka waiting. I guess Alya had invited him to check out the haunted house with us. I should have thought of that but I just can’t get used to the idea of having a boyfriend. He didn’t say anything one way or the other; just opened his arms and engulfed me. He is just such a constant source of love and support, even if it’s done quietly.

He hasn’t said he loved me again since that day outside of Holybelly. It could very well be because I have yet to say it back. It’s been difficult lately though. I keep having these episodes; an overwhelming feeling of dread like the night at the club with Adrien. I can feel it try and pull me under like before but luckily it breaks before I embarrass myself again.

It happened again when I was sitting with Chat tonight. We were just sitting together in silence when I turned to say something. Nothing came out. Instead, I slipped away. One moment I was caught by his disconcerting expression and the next I was pulled into a waking nightmare that I can never remember. Regina Rogue startled me back to the present with a scream forming in my throat. I hated how Chat looked at me like I was broken. He didn’t even know just how true that look was. I feel broken. When I mentioned it to Tikki when we detransformed tonight she seemed concerned. I need to track down Master Fu to get his opinion. Something just isn’t sitting right and I can’t figure out what. It becomes a little clearer as I see Alya’s smile turn mischievous.

I follow her gaze to see Adrien come strolling into the bar. My eyes launch back to her with a scowl so deep it makes my face ache.

“You invited Adrien?” I hiss at her.

Nino has the sense to fade into upholstery and I realize he must have known. I glare at him until he squirms then pin my sights back on Alya. She doesn’t look the least bit contrite as she continues to grin at Adrien, completely ignoring me.

“Alya!” I bark.

Her eyes shift to my face for a moment and I see a tinge of apprehension behind the smile. She looks away again as she answers me.

“Don’t worry. It’ll be fun.”

I open my mouth to argue but I realize I’m caught. I can feel eye’s on me. Luka. Adrien. I don’t want to drag all of these feelings out into the open. I don’t want to cheapen what I feel Luka and I have by putting it up against what I once wished I had with Adrien. It’s not fair to anyone least of all me. Fantasy can’t compete with reality because reality has its warm fingers drawing goosebumps across sensitive skin. I snap my mouth shut and turn into Luka just as Adrien walks up. It’s then I see the extent of Alya’s genius. I wondered why she made Luka and I scoot over instead of just sitting opposite us. She has forced Adrien to sit in the only available space, next to me. My lips form an angry moue as I try not to kick Alya under the table. Luckily, Luka’s clever fingers and gentle conversation keeps me pleasantly distracted. Until Alya strikes again.

I try not to pay attention but Kagami’s name draws me into Alya and Adrien’s snippy conversation.

 “You invited Kagami?” Adrien’s voice is soft but cutting. I’ve never heard Adrien sound so…dangerous?

“She is your girlfriend right, Adrien? At first I thought maybe there had been a recent change? Something that may have swayed your feelings? But no, you guys still seem to be going strong.”

Every muscle in my body tightens. Damn it Alya! I wish she would just let this go. That night at the club was just a reminder that Adrien and my relationship will never be more than friends. Any pressure to be something more will only destroy what we have. I don’t want to lose him completely and I’m afraid it may be too late. He has not spoken to anyone but Nino and even that conversation I guess was stilted. While I hate that Alya sprung this on us tonight, deep down I’m glad Adrien is here. It gives me hope that we will make it through this. That is unless Alya scares him off.

“Thanks for inviting her for me Alya. I hadn’t realized it wasn’t just a group thing. I would hate for anyone to feel slighted or uncomfortable.”

I don’t see Adrien’s face as he says this but his tone is enough to make me worry for the future of Alya and his friendship. He seems different tonight, harder. I’m sure he’s feeling badly over what happened but it feels like there’s more there. Something deeper. Something darker. I make an effort to keep my focus on Luka but I can feel Adrien’s despondency. I ache to reach out to him. But that’s not appropriate. I opened myself up at the club to see where things may lead and I got smacked down hard. I had every intention on keeping our dancing easy, simple, friendly but it barreled out of control. Our chemistry took that simple dance and electrified it. I could have rained it in but I let it cultivate and it sent Adrien running. It was my own fault. I knew he was with Kagami.

Speak of the devil.

“Hello, everyone.” I turn and give Kagami a friendly smile that she returns but we both quickly dismiss the other to focus on anything else. There was a time where we could have been friends but like now there was always Adrien between us.

I feel Adrien start to move only to stop short. I’m relieved to not have him pressed against me in the tight space but can’t help but wonder why he isn’t letting Kagami sit. I glance over to see that she is indeed sitting; it’s just practically in Adrien’s lap. Her body is molded to his side. Her crossed leg nearly thrown over his and a tight hand rests high in his lap. I act like I’m just following conversation but my eyes keep flicking toward fingers that are very comfortable counting the stitches in Adrien’s inseam. I’m knocked back to what’s happening when Adrien’s long slender fingers gently engulf Kagami’s hand. I look up and am ashamed at the sharp sting that hits me at seeing Adrien speaking intimately with Kagami. I can’t see his face but I can guess at what is being said if the sultry smile on Kagami’s face and Adrien’s bright pink ears and neck are any indication. It’s during that moment, one where I’m at my most vulnerable, that Adrien turns and locks eyes with me. I snap my attention to my hands in my lap but his pity seeps in unwarranted.

At my obvious distress Luka’s arm tightens around my shoulders and his fingers cause a pleasant torment as they skim the hem of my dress. I lose track of all conversation as Luka reaches over and tucks my hair behind my ear to allow him to lean close and whisper in my ear.

“Be careful wearing dresses around me when we go out, it gives me ideas.” Confident fingertips skate just under the edge of the dress and I have to remind myself to breath normally. “But then you have always inspired me.” His nose traces the length of my neck. “In so many ways. Like today, when you walked in, this is the song I heard radiating off you.” A soft melody vibrates from him as he hums. Occasionally lips brush my skin as I’m carried away on a sweet, languid, ballad. “What do you think my muse?”

I’m breathless when I smile at him. “I think soon you will be so busy with job offers that you will have no time for fun.”

“I think you will have no problems distracting me if it ever comes to that.”

His hand momentarily disappears under my dress to squeeze my thigh causing my body to freeze. Then it returns to the light caresses above my knee. Every nerve fires causing tingles to spark across my skin. I can feel my cheeks getting hot. My eyes slide closed as I’m keenly aware of the movements of his hand on my knee. Each gentle kneed and scrape of nail makes the hair on my arms stand on end. I tighten every muscle to keep from reacting. To keep from reaching for the offending hand, unsure if I’d stop it’s movement or direct it higher. I force my breathing to remain even. One slow breathe out and one slow breathe in. I’m still on edge but hopefully I was able to hide how much I was affected. No such luck when I open my eyes to face Luka. His eyes sparkle with knowing amusement. His lips form into a smirk filled with promise when our intimate bubble is popped by a most unwelcome disruption.

“So Luka how did you enjoy Bee’s Bar?”

My head snaps toward Kagami who isn’t even looking our way. She busies herself with little mundane things as if the question is more to make conversation then to know the answer. I try to tap down my annoyance at her interruption while my head tries to understand what’s being said. What is Bee’s Bar? How would she know if he was there or not? Suddenly a though hit me. Are Kagami and Luka friends? When did this happen?

“It was amazing. You talked it up and it definitely met expectations. Jagged was even impressed and he can be a real snob about those things sometimes.” My head snaps to Luka this time only to snap back to Kagami. I’m dizzy for a second as my brain tries to recover from the sharp movements.

“You’ve seen Luka since he got to town?” I meant it to sound casual but fail miserably even to my own ears. My voice sounds too small and vulnerable. I feel Luka’s hand reach around me and pull me against him. Soft circles are being drawn against my shoulder but I can’t relax.

Not even as he whispers reassuringly into my hair. “It was once while I was on tour.”

“No.” Kagami answers unaware that Luka had just told me. “He was in Tokyo with Jagged Stone when I went to visit my grandfather this fall. We happened to be staying at the same hotel and I gave him a restaurant recommendation, that’s all.” I feel Luka nod his head to confirm but it still doesn’t sit right with me. I can’t explain it I just feel something deceitful from Kagami.

Bless Alya for her mercy as she saves me before my jealous thoughts start escaping. “Well, since we’re all here, and it’s nearly our time, let’s settle the tab.”

_______________

This is a slow, silent form of agony. I am pressed tight against Luka and Adrien as we lean against the railing that forms the line to the haunted house. We are forced to shuffle along as the line twists back and forth in an effort to reach the front. In this tight configuration bodies brush as we turn corners. Fingers meet as we reach for the railing. We stand so close that I can feel their breath ruffle my hair. I’m strung tight. I try and maneuver so I’m not squeezed between the two but somehow I always end up back where I started. To top it off, it’s damn hot.

I don’t know if it’s from the temperature outside, my own hyped up hormones, or the two furnaces I’m stuck between but I’m regretting the heavy cape I brought with me. When I first designed this dress I wanted something haunted and lacy. So I ended up with a black slinky sheath dress covered in cobweb black lace. I was worried about freezing like I did after the club so I mistakenly added the cover-up. I want to take it off but in the tight corridors I’m reluctant to chance it. I’d hate ‘accidently’ punching say….Adrien in the nose. Ruin that perfect, exasperating face. We shuffle forward and I try and pass Luka but his arm comes up in the last second effectively blocking my attempt.

With a jaunty twinkle he mummers over his shoulder “Feeling hot, muse? Yeah, I wouldn’t want to be stuck between us either.”

My expression hardens as I swipe a bead of sweat from my temple. He’s blocking me on purpose so he doesn’t get stuck in the same spot as me. What he’s not factoring in is the fact that I doubt Adrien would be pressed as tightly to his side as he is to mine. Whatever was going on during the club Adrien’s not dropping it. Even if he was the one to run. Even if he seems to be doing just fine with his girlfriend. Even if he hasn’t reached out since then to apologize, or explain, or shit even pretend it never happened. No, instead Adrien is continuing with the same behavior as if we’re still at the club and our actual partners aren’t pressed to the other side of us. He had been on good behavior until we got in line and even now his gentle presses and lingering brushes are innocently done. I try not to focus on the new warmth growing low in my belly when I’m saved by the ringing of a cell phone.

Kagami shimmies to pull her phone from her back pocket and gives Adrien an apologetic smile before she turns into him and rests her forehead on his shoulder to give her a semblance of privacy. He turns toward her too giving me a blessed bit of cool air that rushes into his vacant spot. Neither action does anything to mute her conversation but we all avert our eyes like we can’t hear her perfectly.

“Hi mom!” Kagami answers brightly but her shoulders are tense. She’s quite as she listens but she looks up into Adrien’s eyes, holding a silent conversation with him as her mother talks on the line. “No, mom I understand. Yes. Yes. Right away.” Kagami’s voice is more muffled as she presses deeper into Adrien. Her body is ridged despite his fingers trailing among her back in soothing waves. “I know. Yes. I didn’t realize it would be so late either. Uh huh. Nope I completely understand. Yes. I’m leaving right now. I will see you soon. Bye.” A long sigh escapes as she pulls back to look up at Adrien again. “Well, that’s it for me.”

“She can’t let you at least enjoy the Le Manoir? We’re almost there.”

“No, I guess there’s a benefit tomorrow and she is insisting on my return. She wishes to ensure a proper nights rest and an early rise to prepare.” Kagami gives Adrien a searching look. “Actually I’m surprised that you’re father has called you as well. Actually, I’m surprised he let you come at all.”

Adrien’s feet shuffle in an uncharacteristic manner. “My father and I talked and he’s actually given me a lot more freedom.”

“Wow!” Kagami’s eyebrows rise to her hairline. “How did you manage that?”

“We just…we uh…” Adrien is now gripping the back of his neck, a clear sign he’s uncomfortable. “Like I said we talked.”

Kagami frowns at how strange he’s acting. “Yeah you said that already.”

Adrien practically dances with agitation. “I think he understands that if he…uh needs me to uh…DO something then I need to…I don’t know.” His hands drop dejectedly to his side. “He’s giving me space.”

“Ookaayy.” Kagami’s confusion drags out the word. She shrugs it off easily. “Well maybe you can have the ‘talk’ with my mom next. I won’t turn down a little space.” She grins at him but his smile back looks tight. “Okay. Well.” Her lips pinch before resignation softens her features. “See you at the benefit?”

“Yeah. I’m going to be there.” He answers but it’s distant.

“Okay.” She leans to kiss his cheek but he barely acknowledges it. Hurt shines in her eyes as she quickly waves to the rest of us. “Thanks again Alya for inviting me.” Alya jerks at the acknowledgment and stiffly waves back. Kagami ducks through the crowd and is gone.

We all look toward Adrien but he still seems lost in his head. Alya’s eyes find mine in question; as if I could share what his issue is. I shake my head, frowning in concern. Alya lifts a shoulder, losing interest and turns back to Nino. I turn to Luka to find him watching me closely. I’m nervous to know what he sees but he just gives me a soft smile and starts chatting with Alya and Nino. I freeze at the dismissal until I realize he’s giving me a chance to check on Adrien. A chance I’m not sure I’m ready to take. What do I even say? I take the momentarily increased space to slip out of my cape. As I mentally prepare I can’t help but notice Luka’s slow, appreciative appraisal. It makes my cheeks burn as the rest of my skin cools in the newfound breeze.

I stick my tongue out at Luka as I step back into the space Adrien had vacated and clear my throat. “Hey.” Eloquent I know.

Adrien is half turned away from me but I see the way his muscles harden. It only lasts a second before he softens and turns. His smile is lazy but I see the anxiety in his eyes. His eyes, normally a shocking green, are nearly clear like sea glass. I don’t know what to make of it.

“Hey.” His voice is flat. Testing. Underneath though I hear the plea for forgiveness; the regret and my heart thaws just a little.

“Been a bit.” I shift my weight, a mistake as my shoulder brushes his. He presses back in response. “Everything okay?”

He’s laugh is dry and bitter. “Yeah. It’s fantastic.”

I raise an eyebrow but he simple smiles that secret smile. Some of the life seeps back into his eyes with a bit of amusement. His entire body seems to lean toward me making me wish I could take a step back but I don’t want to appear effected. “How about you, Mari? You okay.”

He waits for my answer, leaning in close. His eyes challenge me to answer truthfully. My mouth parts to attempt an answer when his gaze suddenly shifts to over my shoulder. A smirk tugs at his mouth and he turns to perform his perfected model lean. He allows his fingers to dangle. So innocent. No intent. But the consequences are devastating.

“Yeah! Of course! Everythin…” I shift my weight at the wrong moment and one fencing callused thumb grazes up the delicate skin of my leg lifting my skirt a little. I jolt at the same moment her jerks his hand away.

All my senses are thrown back to that night we danced. Warmth permeates. Fingers move along my skin. Trailing up my thighs. Gripping my hips. Arms wrapping around my waist to pull me tight against his body. The way his fingers trembled. The way his breath caught. I’m lost in his pull all over again. I blink to find him lost in the memory with me. Staring with an intensity so compelling I fight to keep my body from swaying toward him. Instead I’m saved by the line moving and being able to turn my back to him. I stare unseeing at Luka’s back as I try and catch my breath. I need to stay away from Adrien tonight. With his absence I have tricked myself into believing my old feelings were a fluke and easily set aside. Now I see they were only dormant. Hot coals buried under ash that just needed a little tinder to burst back to life. We round the last corner and face an attendant who looks like a doll except her face is cracked and her clothes are tattered.

“Hello!” Her voice is high but breathy. She bounces on her toes. “Are you here to play?” Creepy washed out eyes land on the two men by me and a slow smile crawls up her face. She totters toward us and stands far too close to Adrien. “Pretty.” He looks nervously at us as her hands hover in front of him then glides down his body without touching him. The smirk trying to form on my lips dies when she twists suddenly to Luka and invades his space too. “Big” As her hands come up Luka reaches behind him to grab my hand and tugs me into his side. She looks startled by my sudden appearance but then that slow smile returns. Her hands reach out and actually touch my cheek. “So Pretty.” She snaps around on her heel and totters back to the door. “Come my pets. Come. It’s playtime.”

We all look at each other as she goes through the door. My hand grabs Alya’s wrist before she can follow. “They can touch us?!”

Her eyes light up. “Yeah! Doesn’t that make it more exciting?” She says past a delighted smile. She links her arm with mine and drags me in first with her.

I want to be irritated with her but she just is enjoying everything so much. Wide eyes take in every corner, seeking out horrors and spooks before they can scare her. She squeals as the creepy doll leads us through a few spooky scenes and hides her face in my shoulder when a mutilated woman gets too close to us. She reaches back and grabs Nino’s hand, dragging him along behind us. He stumbles to keep from stepping on our heels. I’m sure it’s not a comfortable way to walk for him but at least we know no one is sneaking up behind us.

We are almost through a room that looks like an auditorium when up ahead I see a doorway with a bright white strobe light. Alya’s steps slow as we get closer, she hates strobe lights. She hates how easy people can just appear. It’s dark when we step through. We just make it through the doorway when the light flashes. A pale face with empty black eyes is close enough to Alya's side he could have kissed her cheek. With a shriek she releases my arm and turns into Nino covering her face. I take advantage of my freedom by slipping back to Luka and tugging him past them. We’re in front now, hand in hand. We seem to be in a back stage area. I yelp and giggle as a hand reaches from below the curtain and grabs my ankle. I dance away from the hand and unfortunately Luka too.

Creepy doll girl smiles when she sees me make it to the next room first. She snaps forward and clamps a cold gloved hand around my wrist and tears me away from Luka. I fight to keep my feet under me as she drags me deeper into what looks like a stage. The spooky horror sounds from the rest of the rooms fade to disturbing carnival music. She stops next to a deep red satin sheet. She manages to keep her hand locked onto my wrist as she tosses the sheet aside with a dramatic flourish. Sitting there in the middle of the stage is a sleek, black, empty coffin. I instantly go on alert and fight to get back to my group. I don’t like where this is headed. Doll girl slowly turns unblinking eyes to me with that insane grin frozen on her face. Her grip on my wrist tightens. Her strength takes me by surprise as she tosses me into the coffin slamming the door behind me.

“My toys now.” She breathes through the door as I feel my world spin.

Chapter Text

I watch as Marinette slips around Alya and Nino’s clutched forms blocking the walkway. The strobe light makes it hard to see but I swear she reaches for me. As I start to lift my hand though another grabs her hand tight. Luka. Of course she was reaching for Luka. I feel my stomach tighten and curdle as I see her turn away. I can’t tamp down the pull she has over me. I can’t control the way my heart speeds up when she’s near. Even with Kagami pressed close to my side in line my thoughts were pulled back to Marinette. When Kagami left it increased tenfold.

Standing there in line wondering why I hadn’t noticed Kagami and her mother’s names on the benefit’s guest list earlier today I felt Marinette come up behind me. She had spent the entire evening all but ignoring me and now she was here. I forced myself to relax and tried to hold a normal conversation but felt myself drawn toward her. A thought had come to me. Maybe I could find out what has been bothering her. There’s something because she’s been off as both Marinette and Ladybug. With another step into her space I asked but Luka’s warning glare had distracted me. When I pulled away the accidental touch to her leg slammed into me like a freight train. Smooth, soft skin brought back how I felt at the club. Being close, touching her, had felt so right. I wanted more. One look at her unfocused but penetrating eyes I knew she was thinking the same. But then the line moved and she turned away. The moment lost. Now I’m forced to watch her and Luka pressed tight to each other as I loiter in the back of the group making our way through the haunted house.

I’m the last to enter an area that looks like the stage of a magic show. Red satin drapes and old creepy posters line the walls. Pale wood floors reflect the dim lighting. In the center of the room stands the attendant dressed as a doll who has a death grip on a nervous Marinette’s wrist. With a wave of the arm, doll face moves a section of curtain aside revealing a coffin. This feels off and I’m not the only one who thinks so. Luka makes a move toward Marinette when suddenly, fog fills the room. We’re momentarily distracted by the eerie effect; more than enough time for the doll to toss Marinette into the coffin and slam the door. Luka and I sprint to the door but a flash and deafening crack make us hesitate just a second. Luka recovers first and rips the door open. Unhinged laughter makes my skin crawl as we stare at the now empty space.

Luka rounds on the doll and seethes down into her face. “Where is she?”

Excitement lights the washed out eyes and that unnerving smile takes on licentious edge. “Yes toy wants to play!” She lifts to her toes to throw her arms around his neck but he sees her coming. I know all about staying one step ahead of a crazy fan. His hands grip her shoulders as he holds her away. From the back of her throat, she makes a noise that could almost be a moan if it wasn’t so animalistic. She squirms and writhes in his hands as if she needs to touch him.

While he fights to keep her at bay I sneak toward the coffin and start feeling around the back panel and floor. There are no hidden panels that I can see or at least nothing that gives under my weight. I step around the outside but I can’t detect any levers or buttons. As I’m nearing the back I hear something that makes my feet stop. My eyes drift closed to focus on the sound. It’s faint but definitely there.

Pounding.

Maybe a voice.

It’s too faint and there are too many other noises. The music. Screaming from other rooms. My friends. But the pounding, I feel it vibrating through the wood of the coffin….through the floor. I squat and stick my head back inside. I place my hand lightly on the lacquered black floor and sure enough I can feel her trying to get back to us. I just can’t see how the floor opens. I go back to where the doll had been standing but still no switch. My lips tighten in annoyance when something catches my eye. A small blinking red light is poorly hidden amongst black fabric. A camera! Someone else threw the switch. There has to be a trap door in the coffin but I won’t be able to open it, at least not without the help of a certain god of destruction. With a groan of acceptance I make a new plan. This is obviously part of the act so there has to be a way to meet back up.

I turn see my friends trying to reason with our doll guide…or yelling at her in one case. My eyes roll with derision. This will get us nowhere. Doll face is loving it, feeding off it. She is bouncing on her toes with that over the top smile. Her eyes dart back and forth taking in everyone’s frustration. I’ve had enough. I stomp over to her and her eyes light up with mischievous glee. She’s looking for drama and conflict.

“My pretty one!” She reaches out and grips the back of my neck to pull me in close. I let her and even place a hand chastely on her back.

An intrigued smile lifts the corners of her mouth as I lean in to speak against her hair. “How do we find her?”

She squeals and practically vibrates against me. “I knew you were special.” She tips to her toes and presses her lips close to my ear. In a breathy whisper she gives me a nudge. “Leave a trail. Sleep is key” Then she pulls away and gives me an almost normal smile. She looks at the ground then at my friends. “Must find my missing toy! Can’t miss playtime. Come on!” Then she skips stiffly toward a doorway. I can’t help but notice she stares at the floor the entire time.

Our little group watches the doll leave then turn to each other. We stand watching each other before Alya throws her hands up. “So do we follow her?” Shuffling feet is her only answer. Alya chews her lips while she stares at the doorway. After a beat she turns and looks me fully in the face. No derision. No snark. “Adrien, was there anything helpful with the coffin?”

“It looks solid with no obvious triggers but there’s a camera watching.” I tilt my head to the red blinking light.

Alya’s entire body relaxes. “It’s not a weird akuma. Thank God. It’s all part of…” She stops short and flicks her gaze at us before sighing dramatically, letting her arms fall limp. “Okay. I guess she’ll be waiting for us further into the haunted house. So follow the weirdo?”

Nino nods and Luka looks unsure but they all follow her to the doorway to exit the room. I glance down as I trail behind and see black tape catch the light. My feet stop. Leave a trail. I glance around and notice tape going another way, too. My head tilts. Another way through the haunted house? I walk to where the tape disappears underneath the satin wall covering. A covering that has a nearly invisible split in it. I reach through and there’s empty air.

Another way.

I glance at the doorway. Should I say something to the others? A shrill scream followed by laughter comes from the room we were in before. The next group must be near. I guess that makes my decision for me. I don’t have time to chase down my friends and I can’t leave my lady to fend for herself. We’re a team. I step through into a void.

I fumble against the wall until I find a switch. With a flip of the wrist, a single dim bulb flickers to life making more shadow than light. I’m standing on the landing of a surprisingly bland staircase. Must be what the employees use to move undetected. Luckily, my eyes have adjusted to the lighting and I skip down the stairs with ease. I’m nearly at the bottom when I hear her.

“Hello!! Please, anyone!” Her voice drops and I only catch a part of an uneasy hiss.

Marinette! My fingers twitch at the fear in her voice. It takes me by surprise. She’s Ladybug. Something more must be going on to set her off like this. I slide down the handrail the remaining steps and land with only a soft thump. I don’t hear Marinette anymore and it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. I hesitate trying to listen.

Nothing.

Silence.

Deep, impenetrable darkness wraps around the bottom of the stairs and I see light flickering beyond a doorway to my left. With slow steps I peer into the room. It’s even dimmer then the stairway above but I see it’s designed to look like a dungeon. A crude cell sits in the far corner, barely illuminated by fake candles. Pressed tightly against the wall, Marinette stands panting. Her eyes follow me as I enter but she seems unfocused. I recognize the look. It’s the same I’ve seen several times now. It’s the same glazed expression from earlier tonight. She’s here but also somewhere else. I take another step and her panting increases. Fingers dig into faux cinder block walls. Her eyes seem to slip further inward. I take two quick steps and reach for her but a whimper stops me. Her whole body shakes as she slides to the floor. Soft moans slip from trembling lips before she buries her face against her knees.

I stand in shadow as I listen to her whispered pleas. “No no no no….please….Chat please….no.”

A chill skates along my skin. She mentioned Chat at the club. Why? What’s going on? Why would she be scared of Chat Noir? Of me? But a thought niggles at me. There is one reason. One thing I am still debating is a good idea or not. But how? How would she know? Does she know? Is this something else entirely? All I know is I can’t take her huddled on the floor.

“Mari.” I walk up to the bars and squat in front of her. “Mari. Hey, hey it’s me.” I reach through the bars but can’t quite touch her. “Marinette. It’s okay. It’s okay. Hey, look at me. Please Marinette.”

Her body softens and she’s quite again. I still try and reach for her when I hear a whisper of hope. “Adrien?”

“Yeah. It’s me. It’s okay. You’re safe.”

Her head lifts and shining eyes lock on my extended hand. She follows it until her gaze meets mine and a single tear traces her cheek. “Adrien!” She chokes as her hand grasps mine and she pulls herself toward me. Cool bars separate us and press into my shoulder as I hug her close. Her small hands twist into my shirt to keep me from pulling away.

“Shhh. It’s okay. I’m right here. You’re safe. You’re safe. I’m here.” I keep up my soothing mantra but feel its bitter taste on my tongue. Was she safe with me? “Let’s get you out of here. What do you say?”

“Yea…yes. Please.” Her head nods and she sniffles but she doesn’t let go of my shirt.

I reach into the cell with my other hand too and grip both her shoulders. I give her a slight nudge and she finally releases my shirt. I dip my head to lock eyes with her, “You are safe Marinette. It was only part of the haunted house and the others will be here soon.”

She only nods as her eyes drop. She doesn’t say that it was more than that and I don’t ask. I stand and finger the lock. It seems like a simple antique lock. Sleep is key. I glance around the nearly empty room. Within the cell I see a small cot.

“Marinette. Check the cot and bedding. See if there is a key hidden there.”

She frowns at me but does go and check. Her fingers trace the frame before lifting the blanket. With a quick snap she shakes it out and a skeleton key skitters across the floor. “Oh!”

I scoop it up and twist it into the lock. A distinct click drops the lock open and I slide it free. Marinette pushes the door open and slams into my chest. “Thank you. Thank you.” She breathes into my shirt.

I hold her close as my fingers thread through her hair. My eyes drift closed as her sweet smell envelopes me. She’s so soft and pliant against me. Molding her body against mine as her breathing evens out and muscles relax. I lose track of everything but her. Savoring her. Realizing how much I have missed her during my self-imposed isolation. Realizing how much I have missed my lady.

Her head lifts away and tilts up as her lips try to form words but they never come. Instead, her eyes flicker back and forth between mine. Slowly her mouth closes on an audible swallow. I find myself intrigued by the movement of her lips and stare just a little too long.

“Adrien….” I drag my eyes up and find something in hers that I thought I’d ruined. Something that causes my fingers to tighten in her hair. Her eyes widen as her breath catches and I fight to not do something we would all regret. I lean in and bury my face in her neck instead. Keeping her close but removing the temptation of her kiss. Instead, my nose brushes her neck causing a shudder along her body. I fight with myself not to press my mouth against the sensitive skin below her ear. It’s a battle I’m losing until voices cause me to step quickly away.

_______________

“Tikki, how am I going to get out of here?” I pace the length of the little cage. My fingers seek out weak spots. Damn that stupid doll. When she slammed that coffin door, the inside spun me into a chute that plopped me onto the bed in the corner. “How do they have an actual jail cell down here?”

Tikki drifts easily between the bars. Show off. “I think it’s just conduit in a wood frame”

I can’t help the glare that I shoot her. “Steel conduit,” I grouch. My expression clears with an idea. “Tikki you think maybe…”

“No.” The crisp tone knocks the thought right out of my head. “You cannot transform right now. Besides getting caught, how would you explain…”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. It wasn’t a well thought out idea.”

I push on the joints in the corner of the cell trying to find a weak point. The room is dark beyond with trembling pools of light from candles hanging on the walls. There’s not much else in the room. I go to the bed but it’s bolted to the floor. With a huff I flop onto the ratty sheets. They’re soft under my touch and feel clean. That’s good at least. My gaze lifts to the chute overhead that I fell out of and wonder if I could reach it. Maybe crawl back up. An image of me wiggling up the tight space makes my palms sweat. Also, why hasn’t anyone else come down? The groups were only a few minutes apart. If this is part of the haunted house why am I the only one down here? My lips purse. Maybe there’s a group up there right now.

I stand up on the bed and try yelling up the chute. “Hello!! Please, anyone!”

Thump.

My eyes jerk around the room as the hairs on my arms stand on end. Suddenly, my heart starts picking up speed. With a hop my feet hit the floor. “Tikki did you hear that?” I flinch as my back touches the wall. I must have been backing up without realizing it.

Tikki hovers by my shoulder. “It’s okay Marinette. It’s on-” She stops as two eyes materialize in the dark. Air brushes my cheek as Tikki hides.

My fingers spread along the rough cinderblocks to anchor myself. My panting breaths try to keep up with my accelerating heart but they’re drowned out by a buzzing in my ears. It seems to be coming from the abyss surrounding my cell. Those glowing eyes slide through the darkness, tugging at me, luring me into oblivion. The same darkness that has been chasing me since the club. I have managed to hold it off but I feel its weight in this isolated room. I won’t be able to escape it this time. The eyes slide closer and a whimper escapes my lips. My legs buckle with the effort to stay present and not give over to the laughter vibrating the walls beneath my fingertips. I lose the battle as I sink into oblivion.

I don’t know where I come from but suddenly my name draws me back. Through icy isolation, I hear soft salvation “…It’s okay. Hey, look at me. Please Marinette.”

“Adrien?” I dare to whisper.

“Yeah. It’s me. It’s okay. You’re safe.”

The darkness fades from around me and I start becoming aware of myself again. I’m slumped in a ball on the floor. Am I still in the cell? The ground is cool under me. It’s hard just like the wall at my back. I can faintly here screams and laughter. I must still be in the haunted house. My head feels like it weights a million pounds but I force it up. It’s dark and my eyes easily adjust. The first thing I see is a hand straining toward me just out of reach. The relief that floods through me makes everything feel heavy and light at the same time. My eyes finally land on Adrien’s face. Concern and something delicate break the dam on my churning feelings. I fight to keep my tears at bay but I can’t hold my body in check.

“Adrien!” My body lurches toward him and seeks out every point of contact it can manage.

I don’t listen to his soothing words only reveal in his proximity. His loosening grip brings my attention into focus. “Let’s get you out of here. What do you say?”

“Yea…yes. Please.” I try and pull away but I can’t seem to make myself respond.

Adrien gentle pulls away and reassures me with a haunted smile. “You are safe Marinette. It was only part of the haunted house and the others will be here soon.”

I feel myself pull back inward. There is so much more happening than a silly haunted house. Something keeps pulling me away and I don’t know why or how to stop it. I must get to Master Fu. My only hope is that he can figure out what is going on because these fits are happening more frequently and are becoming harder to not disappear completely into. I study the floor to hide my increasing panic and manage a weak nod.

“Marinette. Check the cot and bedding. See if there is a key hidden there.”

I frown my confusion but with only a cursory look we find a key. Within seconds I’m out and wrapped in Adrien’s arms. Every doubt, every worry melts under his engulfing embrace. He’s the perfect height to tuck my face into his neck and snuggle deeper. I savor the fresh tang of his cologne as I let myself relax against him. I hadn’t realized how tightly I was wound until this moment. His fingers work through my hair causing pleasant tingles along my spine. I feel my body arch and stretch trying to follow his touch, craving the contact when it hits me. Oh right, distance. I’m supposed to be keeping my distance. I pull away but only make it a few inches before my body refuses to go further.

Talk about something. That should break this weird tension. My chin lifts and my eyes find his but the words die on my tongue. I try to ask where the others are. I try to ask how he found me. How he knew where the key was? I try to say anything…but I’m struck by his expression. I’ve never seen him look so open. So vulnerable. I hadn’t realized how guarded Adrien truly was around everyone. Even when he was with Kagami earlier he wasn’t this soft, this desperate. I feel a tug. I can’t explain it as anything other than that. A tug that strengthens when his eyes drop lower and focus on my mouth. I struggle to resist the tug that beacons me to lean in closer. To tilt my head back. To finally find out what kissing Adrien would be like. Would it be soft? Frantic? Would it be anticlimactic after all these years of build up? Or would it spark something? Something kismet?

I have to pull away. I’m with Luka. He’s with Kagami. This can’t happen.

“Adrien….” I don’t know what my breathy reasoning would have been but it dissipates before the words form.

His eye’s lock on mine and I’m held in place by his tightening grip in my hair. It’s so different then how he usually is; so controlled, everything in place. Every expression is exactly how he has practiced it to be. Right now I see the cracks and I want more. I want to see that mask shatter and finally see the true Adrien underneath. The one barely hanging on. The one barely holding back. I should turn away but I can’t break free.

I don’t want to break free.

He starts to lean toward me and everything else falls away. My eyes drift closed as I rock up to the balls of my feet. My lips reach blindly but are met with air. Instead, his lips land where my shoulder and neck meet. It’s not a romantic kiss but a desperate, trembling pressure. He holds me painfully close for a second before his cheek begins rubbing against mine. It’s almost like he’s marking me with his scent. When his nose slides up my neck, I bite my lip to keep my composure but every nerve responds to him and a shiver gives me away. I know he is struggling as much as I am if the warm pants against my skin are any indication. We are walking a knives edge and about to fall off when we are saved from ourselves.

“Enough games! Where are our friends?!” Alya’s voice rings into the small space tearing Adrien and I apart as effectively as if she had shoved us.

Teasing laughter drifts in from a doorway we hadn’t noticed until now. Our heads follow the sound before seeking each other’s eyes again. With a sheepish shrug, Adrien drops his eyes and he takes another small step away. Alya barrels into the room easily knocking into me. She jumps, obviously not expecting me there, before laughing hysterically and wrapping her arms around my entire body.

She lifts me before plunking back down. “There you are!”

Luka picks me back up before my heels even touch the ground. “I’m so sorry we got separated. We would have gotten her earlier but we kept getting delayed. He glares over at the guide who is clapping and bouncing in place. That exaggerated smile creeping us all out.

Nino completes the circle and claps my shoulder. He continues the apologies and other sentiments just like the others but I don’t hear any of them. My gaze is held by washed out eyes. Washed out eyes that look pointedly back at me then slide to where Adrien is leaning against the wall alone. I watch him as he stares at a spot on the floor. No one seems to notice that Adrien was already here. Didn’t they see that he was not with them? I feel the doll’s creepy eyes back on me and meet them again. Her smile turns mischievous as she turns and walks toward Adrien. She whispers in his ear as those green eyes lock onto mine and hold. I don’t like the way she leans into him or the scheming gleam he gets when a corner of his mouth lifts.

“I need to get out of this haunted house.” I mutter.

“Hell yes! Come on creepy! Show us the way out.” Nino waves for the guide and she comes skipping up to us.

“This way. This way. Best playtime. The very best!” She grabs at Alya and Nino pulling back though the door they came in. “Hurry, hurry. Can’t be late.” She chirps. She shoots back in pulling at Luka as she waves at Adrien and me to follow.

The guide is all over the place as we walk, somehow always managing to get between Luka and I. More often than not, Adrien also manages to be right next to me during those times. Causal contact as I step back into him or turn and come nearly nose to nose with him keeps me strung tight. It’s like they’re working in tandem. I still haven’t had time to recover from the crackling chemistry between Adrien and I in the cell. These small innocent touches are driving me to distraction. By the time we make it to the exit I can’t tell you what the last rooms even were. All I noticed was the way Adrien’s breathe felt stirring my hair or how hot his fingers were against my skin. I nearly sprint out of the building when we finally see the exit sign.

I barely have time to savor the cool air against my flushed skin before fast footsteps come up behind me. I fight down the hope that flares in my chest over who may have followed me out. Firm hands grab my shoulders and flip me to face my follower. Copper waves smoother me as my hope deflates like the wretched desire it is.

“Marinette, was it horrible?” Alya squeezes me tight. “I can’t imagine being pulled away like that. Being all alone. Then you jumped at everything at the end. I’m so sorry. If I had known what that stupid extra scare would have entailed I never would have added it. I just wanted tonight to be fun. I thought-“

My face pinches. “What?” I pull away to look at her face. “Extra Scare?”

“I uh, I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t think she would grab you like that. I never would have done that to you. I just thought they’d make it…I don’t know. Extra exciting. Keep you and Luka extra close. Maybe, if uh…everyone sees how happy you are…uh, you know maybe things would…be easier?”

“You did this to hurt Adrien.” It’s a statement. I know that’s exactly her plan for tonight.

“NO!” Her head shakes as wild eyes plead with me. “Not hurt. I just wanted you to have closure and him to move on. I thought seeing you and Luka together would squash whatever has been developing between you two lately. I was trying-“ I pull out of her grasp and walk further away.

I don’t have words for her. I know she didn’t mean any harm and I know she didn’t think I’d be singled out and I really hope she wasn’t trying to explicitly hurt Adrien. Despite, all that I’m still angry. Some of it may be because I’m frustrated and confused by what was happening with Adrien all night. Either way, my arms cross tightly across my chest and I stand facing away from her; effectively shutting her out. Something I know will hit her hard.

Alya steps in close to me and holds my arms gently. “Marinette, please don’t be mad. I never would hurt you on purpose. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

I’m feeling too raw. From the corner of my eye I see the others step out of the building. They all stand awkwardly watching us. Well, Adrien watches me. Nino and Luka look back and forth between Alya and I, wanting to try and comfort us but not knowing how. I just can’t deal with other people any more. I’m done for tonight. I don’t want to be rude but I just can’t reassure Alya right now.

“It’s okay Alya it really is I just want to go home is all. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay? Night everyone!” Not waiting for a responce I grab Luka’s hand and storm off.

He lets me get around the corner before jerking me to a stop. “Are you okay?”

I pull us closer to the building to get out of foot traffic then procced to fidget. Shifting from foot to foot and playing with my cloak. I try not to meet Luka’s eyes. Nervous energy or adrenaline or shit maybe just pint up sexual tension is making my hands shake. I just really want to get to the car. I need to find a way to get Luka moving again. I roll up to my toes and kiss him firmly on the mouth. His large hands grip my waist, keeping me close but he doesn’t kiss me back. I drop back down on my heels.

“I’m fine.” I say it to convince myself as much as him.

His eyes search mine. The intensity makes the spark I’ve been trying to put out all night catch flame across my skin. I bite at my lip as my gaze drops back to his mouth. One more taste. With Luka I don’t have to hold back so why am I? I go to kiss him again but he pulls back slightly. Our eyes dance across each other. I watch as his questioning gaze gets its answer. Desire dilates his pupils and his lips reach for mine this time. The effect is explosive. The entire night falls away as my focus narrows to only Luka. His sure touch burns along my skin.

Realizing we’re basically making out in the middle of the way, I break the kiss. Luka follows after not ready to be separated. I lose myself again in the heat of his tongue as it slides against mine. The way his body presses close. The erotic hum that vibrates his chest against mine when my nails drag up his scalp pulls me in deeper. I manage to turn my head just enough to free my lips. Seeing an alley way I know is secluded, I nudge Luka and I toward the opening.

“Luka,” I pant, “I don’t want to do…more here. I just…I need..”

“Don’t worry Marinette. I know what you need. ”

He tugs me deeper in the alley and pins my body against the cold brick. Its sharp edges dig into the lace covering my dress. I’m sure the overlay will be ruined but I can’t seem to care. Insistent fingers frame my waist and roam down to my hips; drawing me closer at the same time pressing me back. They don’t settle for long. With my body now bowed against his, those clever fingers drift lower until they find the edge of my skirt. They skip right over it to graze the back of my thighs. Gentle brushes of skin making my body pulse; a pulse that quickens as those fingers make their way back up. Skimming up, they hesitate for one trembling breath before continuing, my skirt succeeding them. Strong, callused fingers trace the curve of lacey underwear before gripping, kneading, exploring skin no one else has ever touched. A moan is shared between us.

Luka shifts to block me more completely from the mouth of the alley and his fingers slide forward. Nails drag over my hip and trace lace edging down between my legs. Luka creates magic as I cling to his jacket. I try to muffle my reaction but fail miserably. A masculine chuckle against my neck is followed by shushing. Damn him enjoying my struggle as his knee works its way between mine. He presses me up high on his thigh causing his pinned fingers to press deeper, to press harder, to bring me even closer to what I’m searching for. Brick scraps against delicate skin adding another sensation to the pleasure coursing through me.

So close. I whimper and grind and pursue but satisfaction stays just out of reach. I feel the build. I feel my body arch and strain but it escapes me each time. I can’t get out of my head. I can’t lose myself like I need. Luka is doing everything right but it’s just not enough. I open my eyes to let Luka down gently when movement catches my eye. Just over Luka’s shoulder, deep in the alley’s shadows, stands Chat Noir. He doesn’t move but those eyes follow everything. I gasp and start. Luka redoubles his efforts thinking my reaction was something he’d done right. I feel my body tighten as Chat’s tail flicks. I draw a deep, shuddering breath to tell Luka to stop but bliss knocks me back against the wall. My eyes roll back and my world explodes.

Chapter Text

I’m aware of every movement, every breath behind me. I can feel when Marinette’s eyes slide over to me. My skin prickles for a second before the cold emptiness returns. I want to talk to her but I’m afraid. I don’t know if I’m afraid she’ll ignore what happened at the haunted house or if she’ll actually bring it up. Worse than that I worry about what I’ll do because that night haunts me. I had watched Marinette pulling Luka away and was almost relieved. I didn’t want to risk being close to Marinette. Hearing her fear in the storage room had killed me. Seeing her having yet another episode when I was near was worse. I have to be the one triggering Marinette and that can mean only one thing. She somehow knows I could betray her even if it’s unconsciously.

That’s not what haunts me though. No it’s the images that keep popping into my head. Her head falling forward and dark hair covering everything but parted lips. Lips panting. Lips creating sounds that affect me even as I sit here in class. I had simply slipped into the alley to transform, needing to escape the night, needing to go somewhere and think. I thought I heard someone in distress. Instead, of leaping for the rooftops I investigated. I wish I hadn’t. I really wish I hadn’t continued to watch a second too long. Those eyes. When she opened her eyes and looked right at me, I felt overwhelmed. I was jealous. I was embarrassed. I was sad. I was angry at myself for all the opportunities I let slip by. One emotion drowned out all the others. I was excited.

Marinette’s eyes opened with a hazy slowness. They widened when she saw me and for a second I thought she was going to be upset. She gasped. Her cheeks darkened. She looked like she was going to say something but like me she hesitated for a second. Then I saw her eyes squeeze closed as her body arched in pleasure. I wanted it to be me. I wanted her to be thinking of me in that moment. I should have went ahead and kissed her in the dungeon. Maybe it would have been me there with her. Disgust at my thoughts finally forced my feet to move. I took her for granted. All those years all those chances but I refused to see her as something more. I should have turned to Marinette when I realized I couldn’t be with ladybug. I should have known what I felt for Marinette was deeper. I should have known how I felt. How I feel.

“How do you know you love Alya?”

I know it’s out of nowhere and Nino starts beside me. “What dude?”

I pull myself out of my head and turn my focus to him. He’s set his phone aside, now I know I’ve got his attention. I lean in so the girls behind us won’t overhear. “How do you know it’s love? You and Alya, you’re so solid. How do you know it’s real?”

Nino gapes at me. Stunned. He clears his throat and peaks over his shoulder. Assured that Alya and Marinette weren’t listening he turns back and starts fidgeting. He adjusts his hat. Then fiddles with his glasses. Then turns his phone on then back off. Then starts it over again. Finally he turns toward me and leans in close.

“Okay, man. You…I know you and Marinette are…I don’t know. You’re whatever. And now she’s with Luka and you’re still with Kagami and it’s all become a big complicated pile of shit. I know. Okay, I know. I told you to say something at the club but you didn’t. Instead you ran off and I’m not going to harp on it but I really, really don’t want to get pulled into the middle of this. Stay with Kagami. Break up with Kagami. But please, please, please don’t screw up this thing with Marinette and Luka. She’s happy man. Don’t fuck up her shit because you have come to your senses.”

I try to swallow down everything he has said. It’s all true. I already knew all this but it’s still difficult to hear it come from my best friend. I hold his gaze and speak with conviction. “I’m not trying to break up Marinette and Luka. I’m trying to figure out how I feel. You are right, I should have talked to her that night at the club but I didn’t. I have no excuse. I messed up. I can’t change what happened. What I’m doing to try and fix this is figure out what I have and what I want. That’s all. I don’t want to hurt Kagami the way I have hurt Marinette.”

Nino’s lips tighten then release. “Okay.” He looks over his shoulder again then looks at me with a more relaxed stance. “So you asked how I know it’s really love with Alya?” I nod. “You’re not going to like my answer but I just do, man. I feel it. I look at her and I feel it right here.” He pokes the center of his chest.

My head droops. Images fly around in my head; the first time I meet Kagami, her and I in the beginning going to social functions, staying up late talking on the phone, sharing secrets we had never shared before, the feel of her lips as they tentatively brushed mine for the first time. Was that love I felt or exhilaration at being noticed?

“I don’t know if I ever felt that,” I mumble into my chest.

Nino fiddles with his hat again. “It was a while ago and you’re buried in a lot of stuff right now but I remember how you were when you first started dating man. If it wasn’t love then you should try acting.”

“If I love her why is it so hard to pin it down now? Why would I start feeling these things for…” I can’t bring myself to say it out loud. It is still such a delicate thing I can’t help but think if I put any pressure on what I’m feeling for Marinette it’ll shatter.

Nino scoots closer and squeezes my shoulder before dropping the hand to rest his chin on. When he talks it’s slow and searching. “Feeling it is the easy part, when it’s new and exciting and uncomplicated. Keeping that feeling is harder. You start seeing the other person’s flaws. Things pile up and stuff can get in the way but It’s a choice. It’s a choice I make every day. That’s how you know it’s real. You make the choice. You do it because you don’t want to not feel that love. Let me tell you man the more you love the easier it is to love the next day. It feeds off it and grows. It’s work. It’s mindful. Like any strong material, though, you don’t know how tough it is until it’s tested. The test can be one big and obvious hit or it could be a small drip that has been happening a long time that is slowly corroding what you feel. The latter is the hardest. So what you need to decide is if this test is going to pass of fail.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you either choose to keep loving Kagami or you don’t. I can’t tell you if it’s there or not but I can tell you if it is then decide if you want to keep it.”

“But how do I know if it is there? If it ever was? How do I know I didn’t just get caught up in having someone and call it love?”

Nino sighs deeply and turns away. I can’t tell if he’s angry or feeling something else but his shoulders are tight and his fist is now pressed against his mouth. When he turns back his eyes speak of experience that makes me feel more grounded. He’s speaking from experience and I feel a kinship. “Imagine you with kids. Imagine how they will jump in your arms and kiss your cheeks and squeal with happiness. Imagine the joy that can come from that. Now imagine that child isn’t with Kagami.” I can’t keep from looking over at Marinette. She’s sketching and nodding absently as Alya talks beside her. “If that thought doesn’t hurt you, Adrien then maybe you didn’t love Kagami or maybe it’s too late to recover what you had.”

I nod and study my desk. Trying to imagine the scenario Nino described but bluebell eyes keep looking up at me from a small child’s face.

_______________

“I’m sure Master Fu will know what’s going on, Marinette.” Tiki peaks out of my purse, looking calmer then she has the past few weeks. She has a great deal of faith in the old Guardian and it settles me.

“I sure hope so otherwise I may lose my mind.” I roll my shoulders to try and release a pressure building between my shoulder blades.

I wonder if Luka would rub my shoulders if I asked. With the thought of his fingers on my skin I can’t stop my mind from slipping back to the alleyway. I didn’t tell Luka that we had an audience. I’m not even sure I didn’t hallucinate Chat being there. When I finally managed to open my eyes again he had been gone. No trace of him but those green eyes still hanging there in the dark like an after image. A shiver racks my skin.

I rub at the goosebumps prickling my arms. “I can’t help but feel like Chat is a part of this.”

Tiki perks up. “Why do you say that?”

“I don’t know…I swear I saw ch-“

A man walks out of Master Fu’s massage shop and nods at me.

“Sorry, so sorry. Come in, come.” Master Fu calls through the door. Tiki sails out of my purse and through the door before I can open it. “I’ve brought tea and we can talk.” Master Fu sits at his low table and arranges his clay pots and pitchers around the slotted tea tray. He flicks me closer as he sets up. “Tell me Marinette what brings you to see me?”

I fold my legs under me as I watch him rinse the tea. The familiar ritual does wonders at relaxing my muscles and putting me at ease. “I have been blacking out lately. I don’t know what is triggering them but beforehand I get an overwhelming feeling of dread.”

Master Fu’s lips flatten as he pours the rinsed tea onto his pots and tea pet, an intricate clay turtle that looks a lot like Wayzz. “When you say black out do you simply lose consciousness?”

“No, I get the feeling I dream but I never remember them afterward.” He locks eyes with me as he lets the tea steep. “I do remember laughter. Cruel and…permeating. It’s like it was inside my own head.”

Master Fu drops my gaze to pour the tea through the strainer. “So definitely something more than a normal blackout. There hasn’t been anything consistent that may be triggering this?”

I steady my cup as he pours the tea, letting it warm my fingertips. “No. I feel myself trying to slip away often, in all kinds of different situations, but it has only actually happened two times. Both times I was out with friends but the second time I was actually completely alone.”

“No one else was present?”

“Not at first, then when I came to Adrien was there.” I slurp my tea to distract myself from what happened when I escaped that fake prison. I’m distracted by the memory of Adrian’s lips brushing my neck when those glowing green eyes pushes its way in. I set my cup down as I feel my fingers start to tremble. “Actually Master Fu I remember something right before I blacked out the last time when I was alone. I saw these glowing eyes in the dark. It unnerved me but also reminded me of Chat’s eyes.”

“But you were alone?”

“Yes.”

I notice Tiki is wringing her hands nearby. She gives me a strangled look before flying near Master Fu’s ear. I watch in confusion as she whispers animatedly to him. Her small hands painting a picture I can’t figure out. Master Fu sees it clearly if his pinched brows mean anything.

“Hmmm…” Master Fu nods to himself. “I will have to think on this. Thank you Tiki.” I try to catch her eye but she flies away.

He finishes his tea in silence and I let my imagination run wild on what Tiki may be keeping from me. I look for her but she has disappeared. The traitor. Master Fu finishes and refills the tea pot twice before he speaks again.

“Marinette…the miraculouses have many dormant powers that appear depending on the owner. Their main power is always the same; the ladybug’s purifying power or the cat’s destructive one. However, the secondary powers differ by need and the strength of the person who welds its power. You are one of the most powerful ladybugs I have seen and as such you seem to have unlocked something very powerful. The lucky charm provides items that assist you in your fights. This requires a certain amount of knowledge of what will come. Premonition is a very strong dormant power that has only been rumored but never actually accessed. I think you have managed to tap into the very foundation of ladybug’s power.”

I have to force myself to blink when my eyes begin to burn. “I can tell the future?”

“No. It doesn’t seem like it’s that straight forward. If you are losing consciousness and dreaming but unable to remember what you dream I can’t really answer that question.” He pours the remaining water over the tray and starts cleaning up. His eyes flick up to me and there’s something cryptic shining in them.  “Maybe I could hypnotize you. Maybe we would be able to access your dreams that way.”

I try to balance the jar of tea leaves on top of the water pitcher as I reach for the tea pot. “Why do I hear a but?”

Master Fu shakes his head and abandons cleaning up. He walks to the miracle box and touches a panel that slides open. Tucked safely inside is the Miraculous spellbook. He gingerly pulls it free and starts flipping through pages. “I’m worried about why these premonitions are making you lose consciousness. I’m worried that by accessing the dreams I may unintentionally cause you trauma. I worry that what you see is too much for your brain to absorb or worse that the strength of the power could do you harm.” He shakes his head again as if regretting even bringing all this up. “There’s also a possibility that by simply accessing the memories I may corrupt them. Hypnosis has the possibility of creating false memories if I unintentionally lead you toward a response.”

Silence fills in after his words. It presses in on me. Heavy. I feel that sense of dread like an ache in my bones but there’s also something else. A pregnant pause. There’s something here that is waiting to be heard. Something important that wants to be discovered.

“I don’t think we have a choice Master Fu. This feels too important.”

“Maybe…but maybe we lead ourselves down the very road we are trying to avoid.”

I think on that. Biting into my lip, I reason through what I’m feeling. “It feels important. It feels like there’s a reason I am having these episodes. I keep fighting them but maybe I should embrace them. Maybe that’s why I keep blacking out.” I can’t help but seek out Master Fu’s face; searching it for his support. I don’t find it but I do see acceptance. He knows we need to find out the truth.

Replacing the spell book, Master Fu starts gathering candles and turns on a machine near his massage table. Haunting Dizi Flute music drifts around the room. It mixes and entwines with a smell of jasmine from the now lit candles. I can instantly feel my limbs becoming loose. Wordlessly, Master Fu sits on his massage bed with another tray. I suddenly feel hesitant to join him. It suddenly feels too real, too important. I have the irrational desire to run. His gaze lets me work through my thoughts. Allows me the option to drop this and ignore what’s happening. That feeling still niggles at me; teasing me to lift the rock; find out what’s underneath.

I sit crossed legged before Master Fu. I’m ready for whatever comes next. The decision made Master Fu begins chanting; the sound deep and resonating. It blends in with the flute making me unable to actually hear what he’s saying. The effect deepens my relaxation. I feel like my arms hang heavily from my body. I don’t even notice where it came from but there’s now a top spinning on the tray between us. Swirling black and white drawing me down. I hear Master Fu speaking but it sounds far away. His words seem to relax me further as I’m pulled further into the swirling vortex of light and dark. Pulled deeper until I feel released. My body there but far away.

“Your mind drifts…” I feel nothing. I see nothing. Just bliss.

You can go anywhere…” I feel liberated, free.

“Any happy point in time…” Suddenly images fill me. So much warmth and happiness.

“What do you see?”

I hear my voice but don’t remember speaking. “My parent’s bakery. We’re laughing. I’m trying to make bread but it didn’t rise. I added the salt too close to the yeast. My parents ate it any ways.”

“Very good. Try to go to Nino working at the club. What do you see?” Images shift to dark with streaking bright lights.

“I’m dancing. Adrien is holding me close. It feels significant. Right.”

“Is this before you blacked out?”

“No. After.”

“Go to before you blacked out. What do you see?” Images shift again and Adrien stands before me.

“Adrien. He’s facing me. He’s very close. His expression is different. He’s looking at me and it’s making me feel vulnerable. Not scared but exposed. I step back. His expression changes. He smiles. It’s mischievous. It triggers something. It reminds me of another smile. A smile I have yet to see. A smile that is taunting not playful. I hear laughter but it’s coming from inside me. It drowns out everything else. Pressure builds inside my head. I feel myself falling. Then nothing.”

“You passed out?”

“Yes.”

“Did you dream?”

Darkness fills my head. But it feels like a screen. Heavy. It hides something. I cannot see past it but I hear the laughter. Cruel. Mocking.

“I hear someone laughing. It’s not a nice sound.”

“Who is laughing?”

“I don’t know. I cannot see. There’s something blocking it. A curtain maybe.”

“Try and pull back the curtain.”

I reach out to the darkness but feel nothing. I swipe and like smoke, the darkness breaks apart momentarily only to settle back just as thick. I swipe again and light filters through only to be swallowed up again. I swipe several times and see Regina Rouge. I freeze when I see her face. The horror etched there. The darkness tries to settle again but I begin beating wildly in all directions. I see Carapace. Swipe, swipe. Pegasus. Swipe, swipe, swipe. King Monkey. Swipe, swipe. Viperion. All with looks of horror and despair. I turn to the direction they are all staring and see him. Hawkmoth stands with his head thrown back. Laughter pours from him, grating across every nerve in my body. I fight to remain to see more but my head is burning. I’ve seen too much. The magic overwhelms my system and I’m thrown from my trance. Literally. I blink at Master Fu’s ceiling before squeezing my eyes shut from the pain in my head.

“Marinette! Are you alright?”

I press my palm into my head as I sit up. The pain is unbearable. “My head. It hurts.”

“Hold on, hold on. I can help.” I hear Master Fu moving around me but can’t bring myself to open my eyes again. “Here. Drink this.”

A cup is pressed to my lips. Cool liquid greets my cautious sips. The pain ebbs and I can manage to release my head. “Thank you.” I down the entire cup.

“What happened, Marinette? Did you see anything?”

I swallow thickly to piece together what I saw. “It was difficult to see clearly. There were several of the miraculous holders. They were scared. Hawkmoth was laughing. I uh…” I realize I heard something underneath the laughter. Faint. “I think I heard fighting. I’m sorry that’s it. Not much to go on.”

“No, Marinette, this is very helpful. We’re being given a warning. Hawkmoth is planning something. Something big. We can prepare before he attacks. We can have a plan in place.”

“What are we going to do?”

“We’re going to gather the holders together to make a plan of attack. I think we need to distribute the Miraculouses so everyone is ready in a moment’s notice.” Master Fu opens his mouth to say something else but stops short when he looks at me. “I think we should put you back under to get more information but not today. I don’t want risk trying again so soon. You’re still looking pale and your hands are trembling.”

I look down and see that he’s right. I set the cup pressed between my hands down with care before I drop it. “I’ll do whatever it takes. In the vision, I saw Regina Rouge, Carapace, Pegasus, King Monkey, and Viperion. There were others it seemed but I couldn’t tell which ones. Who else do you think we should include?”

“Everyone.”

I catch the old master’s eye. He looks determined. He feels it too. This is the end. No matter which way it goes, this ends here. I nod. “I will let Chat Noir know what is happening. He can help me inform the others. This should make him happy. I know he hates not knowing the other holder’s identities. Now he can.”

“Only tell Chat Noir what he needs to know. Don’t share your vision yet.”

“What! Why not?”

“You said the second time you saw Chat’s eyes before you blacked out. Also you never mentioned seeing Ladybug or Chat Noir in the dream. I just don’t want to tell anyone else too much. Just in case.”

I agree and gather my things to leave. I don’t miss the look Tikki shares with the Master before we leave. Chat isn’t the only one being kept in the dark. They know something.

Chapter Text

This is Pandora’s box. Just one crack of the lid and everything tumbles into the light causing chaos and mayhem. Master Fu has rented this storage room in the back of an alternative medicine shop and has stuffed all of the past miraculous holders into it. Chairs form staggered lines all facing a pallet where Ladybug and I will stand to talk about why we’re here. Well, Ladybug will talk about why we’re here. I know nothing. I don’t even know what is so important as to risk exposing every hero we have. Our identity, so important to be kept secret, would be blown open with just a few people realizing who surrounded them.

Ladybug asked me yesterday to contact half of our holders to have them meet here. She provided robes and masks to try and hide each person’s identity but they don’t hold the magic our transformations do to hide the truth. People are filtering in from vans we picked them up in. As they choose seats, I notice several people gravitate toward each other. I see Mylène’s mask as she shifts to a seat next to someone who, due to their large size, couldn’t be anyone besides Ivan. Juleka’s mask is flanked by two people that I would guess to be Luka and Rose from the two extreme differences in height and how close they sit together. What was Marinette thinking? She was charged with choosing who got a miraculous, for the most part, and it seems she didn’t stray very far from our classroom. It won’t take much for others to see this trend as well; then begins the question of ‘where’s Adrien and Marinette?’

Kagami was one of the first to come in, sitting in one of the farthest chairs and pulling it just a little away from the others. She’s not a social person to begin with but this seems more extreme than normal. I’m distracted by Ladybug leaning into me.

Her voice dips low so only I hear. “It looks like everyone’s here.” Her eyes scan the masked crowd as her thumb flicks at her fingers. She’s nervous when her eyes lift to mine. “Are you going to stand up there with me?”

I should. That’s what a partner does but I just can’t seem to get myself to that place yet. “No. This is your show.” Guilt shines in her eyes as they look between mine. I relent but only slightly. “I’ll be right here beside you. I just can’t stand on that platform not knowing what’s happening.”

“Chat…I just …I wanted…” With a bite to her lip she shakes her head. “I’m sorry.” With that she jumps up on the pallet so everyone in the room can see her. “Thank you everyone for coming and keeping your identities hidden.” A few sly looks between people supports my hunch that they already recognize each other. “We have called you here because I have grave news. I believe Hawkmoth is planning a large attack on the city.” My eyes jerk toward her. My feeling of shock echoed in the sounds of distress from around us.

What?

How did she know this?

Why did she keep this from me?

She hadn’t said anything.

She hadn’t even hinted at something being wrong.

Doesn’t she trust me?

No. I guess she has a reason not to. I haven’t exactly told my father I won’t betray her. Still, I have to wonder if she suspects something or if it’s just business as usual. Is my father not telling me everything as well? I haven’t heard him say anything about an attack but then again he hasn’t said anything to me lately.

Ladybug’s eyes catch mine. “I can’t give you any details yet.” She says this like it’s directed right to me instead of just the group. There’s true guilt and sadness reflected in that endless blue gaze. Maybe she doesn’t trust me but I think she wants to. She looks back to the crowd. “We don’t know what his exact plans are, we don’t even know when he will attack but I believe that his plans are dire enough that we will need every one of us to defeat him.” I blink at this. I rack my brain to try and see if anything at home has seemed unusual lately. Nothing jumps out to me. It’s all very normal. My father stays locked in his office. He hasn’t had any visitors besides the usual workers. He hasn’t even spoken to me since he revealed himself but I don’t feel like it’s done with animosity. It feels more like space. Like he’s letting me make my own decisions. Even Hawkmoth is still silent. No akumas. No terrorizing the city. Why did she think my father was planning something? What haven’t I seen?

“I know we have always said that the Miraculouses needed to be returned so that they were kept safe but we think it’s best to allow you to take your miraculouses with you.” I almost fall over from the impact of what she’s saying. She’s letting them take the miraculous. If my father is indeed planning something then this is a dangerous gamble. “You will need to wear your miraculous at all times. Do not take them off for any reason. If you are needed you’re kawami will let you know. We will-”

I tug on her hand to pull her from the pallet effectively cutting her off. “What are you doing?” I hiss through my teeth.

She looks startled before her resolve lifts her chin and hardens her eyes. “I know this is unorthodox but Master Fu and I think that this is what –“

“You and Master Fu. You two came up with this madness. What if we lose more miraculouses? What if people are careless like Chloe and Hawkmoth figures out they’re all out there, free for the taking.” When she doesn’t immediately start answering my questions I step even closer invading her space. Allowing my stress and frustration to fuel my growing temper. “How do you even know that Hawkmoth is planning something? I haven’t heard anything. Nothing from the patrols. Nothing from other people.” I reach up and grasp her shoulders tightly. My face right in hers. “And nothing especially from YOU. My PARTNER.” The last words are said with my teeth gritted so hard I feel my jaw ache for relief. I don’t get an answer. Instead, I get clouded, unfocused eyes and an unresponsive expression.

Worry shoots through me. I glance at the crowd to see if anyone has noticed to find every pair of eyes focused on us. Every pair and one empty seat. My brain tries to figure out who has left as I tug Ladybug’s slack form behind some shelving. I’ll deal with our missing masked hero as soon as I pull Ladybug out of this stupor.

“Damn it, Ladybug. Snap out of it.” I give her shoulders a firm shake that seems to only glaze her eyes further and a pathetic sound escapes from the back of her throat. I try and take even breaths as I gentle my hold. “Please. Ladybug. We need you. Come back.” I smooth her arms trying to coax her to respond. Nothing. I wrap my arms around her in a desperate hug, swaying her slightly. “I’m here. I’m not angry. Please, come back. Please.” I pull back to look at her face. My hands fan across her cheeks to keep her chin up so I can see into her eyes. “Ladybug…Marinette. Please…we need you. I nee-“ My lips stumble over what I was about to say. The rightness of the words making my breath catch. “I need you.” The words whisper over her face.

Her hands loosely touch my sides. She’s still distant but I can feel her body firm under my touch; resisting the swaying motion. I see her swallow hard before she blinks slowly. “Chat?” She registers how close we are and how I’m holding her. She pushes back slightly and I allow my hands to drop in relief. “What-?” She looks around us at the shelves. The mummer of everyone waiting for us to return catches her attention. She shakes her head to clear it. “Sorry. I know-“ I can see her pulling her thoughts together before focusing on the floor beneath my feet. “I know this isn’t fair to you. I know you deserve more then to be told the plan along with a room full of other people. You have earned the right to help make these plans. I have to ask you to trust me though. I’m asking you to trust that I’m not doing this to hurt you or that I don’t value your input. I need you to trust that this is what must be done and I will share everything with you as soon as I can. You deserve better but I can’t give you that yet.” Her eyes finally meet mine in a plea for understanding and a deep, resonating pain that she can’t do more. “Please?”

I can only nod my head. She waits for more but given our situation relents and reluctantly returns the nod. With an effortless hop, she returns the her pallet stage. I don’t follow. My thoughts are too full of what just happened. How she slipped away while I was near her. Again. That whisper in the back of my mind pushing closer. I am her trigger and I’m plotting to steal her miraculous. This wasn’t a fluke. I don’t think she knows for certain I’m thinking of betraying her. She’s still too open with me to honestly think I would. Deep down though she knows I’m considering it. Deep down she knows better than to trust me. I choke down the desperation fighting to break free; the need to prove I would never hurt her. I couldn’t go through with it. I don’t know what she thinks my dad is planning but I’m not going to help him. We’ll have to find another way to bring mom back. There has to be another way.

I go to step around the shelving when movement catches my attention. Someone slips through the side door. They move smoothly to a seat set apart from the rest of the group. Kagami. Why did she sneak out of the room? I don’t want to interrupt Ladybug’s speech again, so I move to investigate the door Kagami came from. I lean out and see a long hall. One side has a door to the outside the other has an employee’s restroom. My skin prickles. Was she meeting someone? Maybe she just had to use the restroom.

I move to the exit and push the door open. I’m greeted by a peaceful field of wild flowers and our two white vans we used to transport everyone here. There’s no sound of cars or someone moving away. Only bees drone by, breaking the silence. An itch on the back of my hand has me flipping away a beautiful jeweled butterfly. It flutters lazily away until it lands on one of the flowers. Worry pinches my stomach but the butterfly isn’t the same. It doesn’t have the tainted black wings of an akumatized butterfly. Instead, an intricate collage of blues, greens, and purples adorn the wings delicately shifting in the breeze. I don’t see anything out of the ordinary. I kick a piece of trash out of my way as I make my way back inside. The hollow sound of the wooden box thumping against the wall follows me back into the hallway.

Ladybug’s eyes slam into mine when I reenter the room. There’s a perfect blend of relief and annoyance splashed across her face. She crosses to me quickly. “Where did you go? Is everything okay?”

My eyes jump to Kagami before jumping back to Ladybug. Nothing seems amiss. “Just checking to make sure everything is quite. Did you pass out all the miraculouses yet?”

“Yeah, I hadn’t realized how easily it is to recognize everyone even with the disguises.”

I can’t do anything but just nod my head. “Are we still taking everyone back the same way we brought them?  Blindfolded in the vans?”

“I think that would be the safest way. What do you think?”

“It worked getting them here. It should work taking them back. Just keep an eye out to ensure no one is following us.”

Ladybug gives me a sexy smirk. “Oh? I thought we were going to drive around with our horn blowing and lights flashing.”

“That’s only for covert operations remember?” With a huff of annoyed laughter she gives me a fist bump. We turn and start preparing people to leave. Carefully we lead everyone outside and place blindfolds on them. With hesitant steps, everyone climbs into the vans. Seat buckles click as people twitch and squirm. I frown at their restlessness, worried that they were regretting taking on this responsibility. Sabrina scratches at her head as Juleka rotates her wrist. People begin to settle though and everyone’s shoulders square with determination. Good. They were committed.

Everything goes smoothly for the drive back. I get everyone home safe and fairly quickly. With a leap, I’m through my bedroom window and detransformed before I’m even missed. I flip off the piano recording of me practicing and unlock my door. I hesitate on the knob though as an idea slams into my thoughts. Could my father be planning something? Maybe he’ll tell me if I lie and say I’ll help him. It would be a dangerous ploy but if it stops people getting hurt it’s worth the risk. I stand taller as I make up my mind and push through the door into the quiet hallway. A soft patter barely announces my decent down the stairs. With purposeful strides, I reach for my father’s office door to have the knob turn as if by magic. Suddenly, I’m face to face with the last person I expected.

Kagami.

Chapter Text

“Kagami!” Her eyes widen but then shutter. “What are you doing here?” Her whole body is stiff as she turns and looks behind her. My father stands at ease, his hands clasped behind his back, a ghost of a smile playing at his lips.

“Adrien! Excellent.” His eyes shift to Kagami, a smug tilt to his head. “See? I told you he would come.”

“I don’t understand. What is going on?”

“Kagami has just been –“

“Mr Agreste.” Kagami bites out a warning so commanding I nearly take a step back. What was this? Besides a select few who address my father as an equal I have never heard anyone speak to him with anything less than terrified submission. “This is not what was discussed.”

“Come now, Kagami-san. This is exactly what was discussed.”

What would Kagami be discussing with my father that she didn’t want me to hear? The simplest answer was the miraculous meeting. It made the most sense. We had just come from there. She had disappeared half way through. That would mean she was not discussing things with my father, she was discussing things with Hawkmoth. She betrayed Ladybug and Chat Noir. Now Hawkmoth know our plans. He knows the gamble Ladybug has taken and probably knows many of the miraculous holders identities. Kagami has doomed us all.

“No, Monsieur Agreste. We…” She hesitates. Her eyes glancing back at me. Her carefully blank mask cracks. Remorse leaks into her expression. “This is not how it was supposed to go.”

I feel a sense of déjà vu. Another woman I love giving me an apology for hiding things from me. Once again I am on the outside as plans are being made that are affecting my life but I get no voice. I can feel my skin heat from the anger boiling in my chest. I feel like a puppet; people pulling my strings to a dance they choose. Reaching a boiling point, I grab Kagami’s hand to jerk her into the room behind me then turn to slam the door loud enough to worry about its integrity. The sharp noise causes Kagami to jump but my father’s smile just inches higher.

“What is going on?” Each word is precise; measured. I struggle to keep my fury in check. If I give in even an inch I’m not sure how I would rein it back in. I am so incredibly tired of feeling used and manipulated.

Instead of answering, my father and Kagami stare at each other. Kagami seems to be demanding my father remain silent where as my father seems to be challenging her to stop him. I wasn’t going to wait on answers any longer. I gave Ladybug the benefit of the doubt because I trust her without question. I know better than to trust my father and now I know I can’t trust Kagami, either. Of the two though, my father seems more interested in giving me information at the moment so I move to stand before him and again repeat my question. “What is going on?”

My father doesn’t even bother to shift his gaze to me. His eyes remain focused on Kagami as if to mock her. “Kagmai-san has just been updating me on how our plan to retrieve the Ladybug miraculous has gone.”

I was right. It’s like being shoved in a freezing wind. My breath is ripped from my body and I’m left shivering and lightheaded. “What!?” I whip toward her so quickly spots sparkle in my vision.

My father twists the knife deeper. “Oh, and don’t worry Adrien she already knows you are Chat Noir.”

Fury burns away the fuzziness in my head and I snap back to my father. “You told her!?!” Every ounce of frustration and despairing turmoil I feel is now focused on my father’s blasé face.

He remains poised and unaffected. “Of course, Adrien. We must know who our friends are.”

“Oh really?” I sneer. “I’m not sure who mine are. Seems I don’t get the privilege of being told, well…. anything.” My hands flick the air in frustration.

My father takes a small step toward me but it feels solicitous not threatening. His chin dips to meet my eyes more fully and his voice lowers as if he’s sharing privileged information. “You have yet to show your loyalties, son. How many opportunities have you had to get Ladybug’s miraculous? Yet it is still in her possession. The only reason I trust you enough with this information is because you haven’t told the guardian about us. I know you are at least considering helping us since you came here to tell me of the meeting, even if it was after the fact. That is enough to earn my trust,” a slight hesitation makes his next words a threat, “for now.”

I need to figure out what my father…and now Kagami are planning. I have no intention on stealing Marinette’s earrings but they don’t need to know this. What he says gives me an opening to start laying some ground work that will make them trust me, hopefully However, I’m still petulant from all the secrets and my own conflicting feelings so I’m not very diplomatic when I respond. “So you expect my loyalty when you don’t extend your trust. It’s a quandary, father. See, you can’t have loyalty without trust or vice versa. This will only be resolved by one of us breaking first. I vote you since like you said. I have kept your secret but you couldn’t be bothered to hold on to mine or even ask if I was okay that you shared the information.” My gaze burns a path back to Kagami who has the intelligence to look ashamed. “How long have you known?”

Her eyes flick to my father and harden. I have to wonder at the dynamic of their relationship. She has always been respectful and demure to my father but right now she is staring him down as if they were equals. “You are not following our plan Monsieur Agreste. As such you are also putting all of us at risk. This will not be forgotten.” My father simple smirks at the heat of her gaze. When Kagami turns back to me it is with a softness that is startling. “I’m am truly sorry, Adri-chan.” My skin crawls at the familiar pet name. “This was not how you were supposed to find out. I have no right to ask but please listen to what we have to say with an open mind,” Her hand reaches out as she approaches us. It settles on my chest, “and heart.”

My body jerks away from her touch and pain ripples across her face before she schools her features. I bite into my lip so hard I worry it will bruise and swell tomorrow. I need to keep my reactions to her in check until I know more. I don’t understand what her relationship is to my father and what part she places in his plans. I need to be smart about this. If I want to learn more I need to treat this delicately. Still, I cannot bring myself to soften to her plea and only manage a stiff nod. Her eyes shine with tears that never fully develop.

With an amused chuckle my father steps closer. “Come Adrien there is something I wish to show you.” We move to his design computer.

With practiced ease, his fingers find the file he wants and pulls up an image. A woman with long dark hair and wings is suspended in the air, her kimono shifting as if fighting a strong wind. A staff is held high and she appears to be about to strike a large, four legged creature that also has wings. Boats fight through rolling waves below them. “This is Tomoe Gozen. She was a fierce Japanese warrior who also held the owl miraculous.”

I rear back and take in a quick breath. “There is an owl miraculous?”

The question is directed at my father but it’s Kagami who answers. “Yes. It is similar to the Chinese ladybug miraculous. Its powers are very strong and used as protection and to bring luck.”

My father nods. “I told you before Adrien that the Mongolians used miraculouses to conquer the areas around them. They tried to expand their empire across the oceans into Japan. However, the Japanese Shintō priests had developed their own miraculouses. ”

Kagami laughed with derision. “Yes. The baka tried twice to attack. Both times they filled boats to overflowing with solders. They tried to overwhelm us with their numbers. They tried to cut us down with their superior weapons and what they thought were unstoppable ‘magic’ powers. Both times we stopped them before making it past Kyushu. Both times Tomoe Gozen used her owl miraculous to devastate their forces. She raised the kamikaze and buried them under a wall of water.”

“Kamikaze?” I ask on a breath.

Her eyes dance between mine. Her cheeks flushed with the power this story holds for her. “Divine Wind. It’s the owl’s power.”

“You said us. What did you mean?”

She hesitates, just for a second, and I realize she’s deciding what information I need to know and what she can hold back. “Tomoe Gozen is my ancestor. My family carries the owl miraculous.”

“That’s why you took to having the dragon miraculous so easily. You had no hesitation because you were already familiar with how to access its power.” Suddenly another idea slams into me. “When you were Riposte! Your helmet looked like it had wings above the face.”

Her mouth twists to side. A shoulder gently lifts before falling back in place. “It probably was a response to my connection with the owl miraculous, yes. It is very much a part of who I am. It doesn’t surprise me that it would spill into other aspects of my identity, even akumatized.” All these years and she has held back his huge part of herself. I guess I have done the same. The Chat Noir has become fundamental to my own identity but I never shared this with her either.

My father breaks into my spiraling thoughts. “After I started experimenting with the butterfly miraculous your grandfather realized I lied to him. I had told him everything was lost when your mother went missing. With the sightings of the butterfly miraculous powers, he realized that I had to have at least one of the items and if I had one I probably had the others as well. He started asking a lot of questions. I told him that I had found the butterfly brooch in her luggage but I hadn’t realized what it was at the time. I doubt he believed me but when I promised I would do everything in my power to find Emilie, he agreed to allow me to keep the miraculous. I worried though that he would change his mind. To protect us, I decided to contact another faction of the miraculous. I contacted Tsurugi- sama-“

“My grandfather. Our guardian.” Kagami interrupts.

My father’s lips purse but he continues undeterred. “Yes. We came to an arrangement.” His eyes focus in on Kagami. Daring her to challenge him. Daring her to stop him from sharing her side of the story, too. She chose to steal his thunder instead.

“We agreed to come to Paris to help him if he returned the miraculouses that were stolen from my family.”

“Yes.” My father pinches the bridge of his nose. “Supposedly, the dragon, turtle, monkey, and fox were stolen by the Mongolian shamans at some point and Tsurugi- sama is willing to help me to get them back.”

“Not just them.” Kagami’s voice rings with warning. Her eyes search to see if my father is trying to double cross her family. His expression remains stoic and he chooses to simply stare back at Kagami in response. “You promised my grandfather all but the ladybug and cat miraculouses. You promised to even relinquish your own miraculous in exchange for our assistance.”

“Yes. So I did.”

The tension between them was palpable but it didn’t smoother the thoughts racing in my head. Kagami’s family was working with my father from the very beginning. She has been meeting with him from the very beginning. Her entire reason for being here was to retrieve her family’s lost miraculouses. Pieces of information click into place and I feel the floor beneath me crumbling. “What will happen when you obtain the miracle box?” Kagami and my father both look at me, startled out of their silent power struggle. “Did you plan on returning back to Japan once you obtained the lost miraculouses?” The ravaged look moving across Kagami’s face tells me all I need to know. She had planned on leaving. “I see. Why form a relationship with me if you plan on leaving?”

“I, uh, I hadn’t planned to. I –“ her eyes cut to my father. “Can we speak about this in private?” When I hesitate, she steps close and threads her fingers through mine. “Please Adrien. Give me a chance to explain.”

I don’t bother looking at either of them. I feel hollow. I had been asking myself if I truly loved Kagami. I had never thought to ask if she truly loved me. “Father, is there anything else that needs to be discussed?”

“Nothing that cannot wait.” He turns his back dismissing us.

Kagami pulls me out of the office. She tries to lead me upstairs, to my room I’m guessing, but I make it up only four steps before collapsing. I sit and cradle my head in my hands. The floor crumbles away leaving a yawning black hole around me threatening to pull me down into its depths. “Do you even love me?”

Kagami zips back down to me and perches on the step below mine. She tries to catch my gaze but I squeeze my eyes shut. “Oh, Adrien. I do love you. I would stay if I could but my family needs me.” I hear her swallow and clear her throat. “I…I hadn’t meant to develop a romantic relationship with you.” I can’t hide the whence that jerks through my body. “I just…we were friends. I don’t have any other close friends, even back home. In the beginning, when we started getting closer things just, kind of, snowballed. I love you, Adrien. Very, very much but I love my family too and I can’t abandon them.” The silence rings heavy for a second only to be broken by one word heavy with hope. “Maybe…”

She stops and I try to keep my eyes shut but my damn curiosity gets the best of me. I hope curiosity doesn’t actually kill this cat. I look up into the amber eyes I know almost as well as my own. Tears stream unhindered. She is either unaware she is crying or simply doesn’t care. Her freckles are stark against her pale face, misery etched in every line. I try to reach for the warm feelings I had for her. I try to hold onto the evanescent glimmer that has filled me in the past and come up empty.

Before she can continue her thought I cut in. “You found out I was Chat Noir around the time we went to the haunted house.”

She struggles to adjust to my change in direction and answers even though it was a statement. “Yes. Your father informed us of your possible assistance a week or so prior.”

“You were different that night.”

“Was I? I…I don’t think I was.”

“You sat so close to me. Your hand on my thigh.” Her eyes drop telling me how right I am. “You kissed the damn wallpaper. You had been distant but that night you were trying to pull me close.” She tries to interrupt but I stand suddenly causing her to rise to her feet else get knocked over. “You were using our love to strengthen my commitment to help.”

She takes an unsteady step down. “No! No, Adrien I –“

“Was it my father’s idea?” I took a step toward her and she takes another step down. “Was it yours?”

Kagami swallows thickly. Her voice shakes. “My…my mother suggested I should strengthen our relationship. Your father was concerned that you had doubts about obtaining the ladybug miraculous. She thought…She, uh, thought…since you have the cat if maybe I deepened our relationship you may come to …uh, rely. On me.” My fingers curl into tight fists at my side. “Maybe I could counsel you. Maybe I could help…you…” Her eyes take in the way my body quivers.

I am trying to maintain control of my emotions but they batter against my resolve. My voice snaps like cracking ice as I ask. “You were playing me?”

“No! Adrien, No! I was trying to help you. I can’t say my family doesn’t want the miraculouses desperately and I’m willing to do almost anything to get them back but I wouldn’t purposefully hurt you!” My mouth opens to disagree but she quickly steps back up. Her body is close to mine, invading my space. Her spicy, cinnamon smell inundated with memories. “My feelings for you are real, Adrien. When we first arrived in Paris I was focused on my duty to obtain the miraculouses. Nothing else mattered to me. One day I decided to join a fencing club. It was fate Adrien. Meeting you, Gabriel’s son, and becoming friend’s completely outside of why we were here. I fell in love with you despite my plans not because of them.”

None of the warmth of Kagami’s words reaches me. “And that night? L’Ours? That was not you loving me. That was you trying to manipulate me.”

Kagami finally wipes at the tears coating her cheeks. “I had found out you were Chat Noir. This entire time. It was kismet. Our success felt so close. I could just reach out and pluck it from the air. I pushed too hard. I see that now. I just wanted this all to be over with. I wanted to get back to my life.” The pain that strikes me goes deep into my chest. Realizing what she said she is quick to explain. “I wanted to go home but I…I thought maybe I could, uh, convince you to, um…come home…with me?”

“Leave? Paris?”

“Yes…I would like you to return to Japan…with me.”

I laugh. Deep, rolling laughter that throws my head back and hurts my ribs. Tears leak from my eyes as I drown in the absurdity of her asking me to give up everything for her. After all the lies, the manipulation, the selfish agendas, I can’t even trust that what she is saying is true. There was no way I can leave with her. It would have been a hard decision to make even before I found out she was working with my father. Now it was insanity. I struggle to restore my control.

“No, Kagami.” I say on chuckle. “No, I will not be joining you in Japan. In fact, I think it would be best if you left.” I wipe at my eyes not even looking to see how my reply is affecting her. That behavior feels way to much like my father’s so I try and bring back a little warmth when I finally meet Kagami’s eyes. “I’m truly sorry that this is how things are ending but it is definitely ending Kagami. I need to have a more equal relationship. I need a partner. Someone who asks me what I want instead of trying to sway me into agreeing with what they want.”

Kagami firms her stance. Her eyes flicker as if she is assessing the merit of what I have just said. I think she must see the truth in it because she doesn’t even argue. She simple nods her head. She turns and leaves. No goodbye. No kiss on the cheek. No look back. Four years of being together and a proclamation of love and she simple walks away. Makes a guy feel great.

Chapter Text

I blink. Where am I? There are shops lining the sidewalk and a park nearby. I’m not that far from home but I have been wondering the city since Kagami left. I didn’t even think to ask my father about his plans with the Tsurugi family. I should have. It would have been the smart thing to do. We need to discover his plan as soon as possible to stop him. It feels like time is running out but instead I just walked out the door. I left and just started roaming the city aimless, lost in my thoughts, wallowing in my misery. I see a small café on the corner. The weight of everything that has been happening falls on me making my knees feel like they will buckle. I trudge over and drop into one of the chairs on a sigh that drains me of any remaining will to continue. I barely have the energy not to just sink right into the seat, boneless.  

The outdoor seating is simply a line of chairs with a table in-between and in my slumped state my feet sticks far out into the sidewalk. As such a woman catches her shoe on my heel nearly trips. Her glare and choice words force me to sit up straight just in time for the waitress to come take my order. I mumble something about espresso and she’s gone again. I hold head bent over the table. How could I have been so stupid? How couldn’t I have seen that Kagami was working with Hawkmoth? With my father? All those shady meetings should have raised more red flags. And she expected me to betray the only person I could rely on and just take off with her. She truly was selfish enough to think I could burn everything in my life to the ground and just ride off into the sunset with her. I raise my head to see my coffee sitting in front of me. I look around. When did that show up? With a shake of my head I take a sip, the steady murmur or the diners keep me company from the open windows at my back.

I should be trying to decide what I am going to do to convince my father to trust me but I can’t stop wallowing. I had doubts about my relationship with Kagami but I never once thought the whole thing was a lie. Even if I hadn’t been in love with her I knew I did actually love her. She was a part of me. I am the person I am today in large part to her influence. She was the person I leaned on more than once when my father became unbearable. It seemed the same with her. I was there for her when her mother became too demanding. We supported each other and now…I don’t even have that.

I’m spiraling when I hear it. A giggle floats on the breeze then is lost to the noise. It’s soft and sweet, like a cool hand brushing my fevered skin. I scour the people around me. It was Marinette’s laugh. She was nearby. I had traveled all over the city only to end up near her, pulled toward her as if by fate. It had to mean something. I need to talk to her. I need to see how she feels about me. I need to follow through with what we started at that club. I need to see if what happened on the dance floor was real. I stand up to start searching the sidewalks for her when I hear her voice again. It drifts from over my shoulder. My butt hits the chair again and I peer inside the café.

There, just behind me, sits Marinette. Her eyes are downcast and a light blush travels across her cheeks to her ears. She looks sweet and innocent , wearing a cream off the shoulder blouse with her hair loose around bare shoulders. Marinette appears happy and at ease but her smile seems strained. Her fingers grip her fork a little too tightly. Her blush, at first glance had looked embarrassed, appears more annoyed on closer inspection. Alya sits across from her but I can’t see her expression to get a feel of the situation. Like the creep I am right now I shift closer to eavesdrop.

“I don’t know why I tell you these things Alya if you’re just going to tease me about them later.”

“Come on girl! You know I was only giving you a hard time. I thought after all this time you guys would be on each other every chance you got.”

Marinette focuses on her chocolate torte and picks up her fork before responding. “I’m not saying we’ve been saints or anything but anytime it leads…there I just, I don’t know.” She knocks a piece off of the dessert and stabs at it. “I just can’t seem to take that step.” Her sigh encompasses a lot of emotions, frustration being the main one. “Luka has been really sweet about it. He never pushes. He lets me lead but…” Her voice wobbles and I have to restrain myself from climbing through the window to comfort her. The image of doing just that is absurd enough to keep me in my seat.

Alya takes the fork that has reduced Marinette’s torte to mush and replaces it with her hand. “You need to let him go Mari.” Marinette bites into her lip and turns her face away, right to where I’m sitting. I duck out of sight but not before I see the tear slide down her cheek. “Adrien will never pull his head out of his ass.”

Marinette gives a dry laugh wiping away the evidence of her sadness. “I keep telling you Alya it’s not Adrien. I know there has been something building lately but It’s just chemistry. An old crush that once remembered has been hard to forget. Nothing’s changed though Alya. He still only sees me as a friend and I need to view him in the same way.” The pain that shakes me is so much worse than with Kagami. It feels like razor blades are cutting at my heart leaving it struggling to beat. “I have been struggling a little lately though. I told you there was someone else; someone who I know outside of school.” My ears perk up and my damaged heart thumps anew. “He cared about me and I messed it all up. I tried to move on from him but it’s proved difficult. It doesn’t help that I still see him and still manage to hurt him over and over again.” I try not to hope. I try not to think that she might be talking about Chat Noir. “He’s the reason I couldn’t ask Luka to stay before and now when Luka and I get…close. I swear I see him. I’m so scared of losing Luka again. I just need to forget about Ch…the other guy and focus on Luka.” I can’t sit and listen any longer.

I throw some money on the table and begin pacing nearby. She was going to say Chat. I know she was. It all fits. She liked Chat. No. She loved Chat. Hell, she still loves Chat Noir. She sees him, me, when they get close. Breathy moans in an alley fill my senses momentarily. Did she think she imagined me? Damn, was she thinking of me while he touched her? I clear my throat and try to calm down before I embarrass myself. I could work with this. I could win her again. She is only with Luka because she thinks Chat Noir is taken. Damn me and my stupid mouth. She was going to kiss me that night so long ago and I stopped her. I have fucked up so much but I can make this right. I can-

Marinette steps out of the café with Alya effectively cutting off my line of thought. Like a magnet I am pulled after them. I watch as they chat and window shop. I watch as they slowly walk back to what I realize are their homes. Before long, Alya hugs Marinette goodbye and turns toward her home as Marinette continues onto her own. This was my chance. Without any sort of idea of what I am doing, I jog on silent feet until I’m next to her.

“Good evening Marinette.” She jumps with a jarring squeal. I have to smother my laughter but can’t quite hide my smile. A fact that earns me a punch to the shoulder that packs a secret superhero strength. I rub at the spot feeling stupid for never realizing why it has hurt so badly in the past. “Ow!”

“Serves you right!” She smiles as I clutch my injured limb. “What are you doing here Adrien? Besides trying to kill me?”

My steps are light as my mood lifts. Being near her has made everything else fall away. “What? I spotted you and just had to say hi. Does that warrant assault?”

Marinette rolls her eyes but see her lips fighting a smile. “Everything you do seems to warrant assault.”

My hand grabs at my chest and my steps stumble on air. “So cruel! I am the embodiment of innocence and selflessness.” I dance to get in front of her and turn to walk backward. “Let me prove it to you. Have dinner with me?”

Her steps slow as her eyes search mine. With a tilt of her head I feel like she sees right into me. “I already ate. What is this about Adrien?” I stop and relax. When she stops with me my heart starts thumping in my chest. I stand there lost in her eyes for a beat longer than I should. “Adrien! You’re killing me! What’s going on?”

“I, uh…” I rub at the back of my neck. This wasn’t well thought out. “I just…I was hoping we could talk. I’ve had so much happening lately and just need…”

When I stall on the right word she tries to pick up my train of thought. “A friend?”

Suddenly, I hate that word. I’ve used it so often to describe her. I was an idiot. It’s too small. Too simple. It doesn’t even touch how I truly feel about her. My voice drops to something warmer when I answer her. “No. Not a friend…”

She misunderstands what I’m trying to tell her. Hurt pinches her brows and her lips draw together into a pout. My gaze is focused on her mouth when I take a small step toward her. I watch in fascination as her lips part and a pink tongue travels over them. Her expression slips to something more tentative. I move my focus to her eyes. Her pupils are blown wide and they dance between mine. I’m lost in their color and intensity. My fingers lift and brush a lazy line across her cheekbone. A small gasp has me taking a leap. With a voice rough with emotion I tell her the truth I have been denying for too long. “I needed you.”  I lean down to capture the kiss that has always been stolen from us.

Instead, I’m greeted with a sharp slap across my face. I abandon her soft skin for my own burning cheek.

“Damn it, Adrien! What the hell is wrong with you?!” She stomps around me and takes off for home. I stand there stunned for a second before I grin and continue my pursuit.

I easily catch up with her angry little stomps. “I have to admit that didn’t go as I was hoping.”

Marinette stops short to give me an indignant complaint. “How did you expect it to go?” I turn to face her again and she practically stands on her toes to stare me down. “You’re with Kagami!” She pokes the front of my chest then jabs at her own. “I’m with Luka. Whatever has been happening,” her hands now flutter in between us, “It’s nothing. It always has been. I don’t know what has gott-“

“I’m not with Kagami anymore.” Her mouth closes with an audible snap.

She seems to really consider what I said before shaking her head. “I’m sorry. I truly am but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m with Luka. I’m extremely happy with Luka.” She starts walking away again.

I try to grab her arm to stop her but she feints away. “Please, Mari. You’re right it’s not fair of me to try and jeopardize your relationship with Luka if you’re happy but Mari…” I finally catch her arm, easily turning her into me. Her breath catches as our bodies press together. I pull her a little closer to me to whisper in her ear. “I don’t think that is the case.”

A shiver runs down her back and I feel that tug that pulls me toward her. My lips dip to graze her neck. Just before I make contact, she shoves me back. “Stop it. Adrien! Just stop.”

She takes off again toward home. I run my fingers through my hair, gripping the roots so tightly that it hurts. Apparently, I have a death wish because I take off after her again.

“You think I like this, Marinette?” I follow after her, shouting to get her to slow down and listen. She does neither. “You think I like feeling this and having to stuff it down?”  I’m just a few steps away but she picks up speed to stay ahead of me. “Marinette! I’m in love with you. I have been for a long time” She stops dead in her tracks and spins to face me.

I barely stop quick enough not to run right into her. “You’re in love with me?!” Her words are soft but they slam into me with their intensity. “Anymore, I can barely claim to be friends with you!” She takes a deep breath and softens her tone. “We’ve always had difficulty at getting close, Adrien. In no small part because of me and my nervousness around you but it’s gotten worse over the years. We’ve only grown more distant. You had your life and I had mine.” I try again to touch her but she dances away. “No, Adrien.” Her head shakes emphatically. “I’m done with this. I’m not willing to jeopardize what I have with Luka. So, please just go home, Adrien.” She turns on her heel and escapes into her parent’s bakery. I hadn’t even realized we had arrived.

I stand staring up at her building, conflicted. I know I should listen to her. I should just walk away. That’s what Adrien does. He respects people’s feelings. He listens. He’s the golden boy. The rule follower. He would give Marinette the space she asks for. It’s not Adrien she wants though. She wants Chat Noir. A slow smile forms across my face. I guess I’ll just have to give her Chat Noir.

Slipping into a side alley I call on Plagg before he can protest. I’m up the side of the bakery in seconds and land on Marinette’s balcony.

“Claws in.” I walk out of the transformation.

I hear Plagg complaining but don’t actually hear what he’s saying. An offer of several pieces of Camembert on the table quiets whatever it may have been. I don’t even pause as I march to the skylight and give it a jaunty knock but I’m greeted by silence. Hmmm, is she still downstairs? She seemed upset and I had assumed she would have come straight to her room. I look back at Plagg as he munches happily.

“Don’t look at me kid. This is your show.”

I hiss at him and he only shrugs. The sound of the trapdoor slowly opening sends Plagg into hiding with his stash.

“Cha…?” Two round bluebell eyes blink up at me. “Adrien?” She looks around like she’s not sure where she is. “How did you get up here?”

“Can I come in?” I walk at her not giving her a choice but to back away. She drops on to her bed with a bounce and I follow her down. We wobble for a second standing on her mattress. Marinette doesn’t stay in the intimate space though, instead escaping down the stairs. She reaches the bottom in only a few steps and turns to keep me in her sights. I hesitate. This is her personal area. Filled with things not privy to others and I find myself reluctant to leave.

Her eyes are narrowed and accusatory. “I don’t even know where to start, Adrien. Just…I guess why. Why are you here?” I take my time inspecting the books above her bed.

“You’ve read ‘Gone with the Wind?’”

She gives the cutest little stomp. “Answer my question!”

“Shhhhh….” I grab the book off the shelf and toss it at her.  It sails through the air toward her head. For second I worry that it’ll actually hit her but she catches it without effort. I can’t help but smirk at her reflexes. How did I never see that she was Ladybug? Bracing my hands on the rails of the stairs I proceed to slide down, landing lightly before her. “You know, you remind me a little of Scarlett.”

“What?!”

I take the book out of her hands and tap her on the head with it. “Shhhh…Do you want your parents to catch me in your room?” The heat of her glare would break any other man but it only motivates me to push harder. “But yes, to answer your question, you remind me of Scarlett O’hara.”

“Are you saying I’m a manipulative, spoiled brat?” She asks through clinched teeth.

Unlike outside, when I step into her space she holds her own. There she is. My Lady. Holding her own and never backing down.

I shake my head slowly. “No. You are like Scarlett because you both try to fall in love with the perfect, boring man who you have put on a pedestal. In reality, you really are in love with the rogue who gets under your skin.”

“What?” Her shoulders soften as she tries to follow what I’m talking about and I use her distracted state to shift a little closer. “I don’t understand. Who are you talking about?” Her eyes search mine.

I lower my voice as I edge just a little closer. “You think you should love the nice guys, Marinette. The safe guys. You want love to be to the perfect little picture of two people who adore each other and everything works out in the end.”

Marinette’s brow creases. “What’s wrong with that?”

I can’t help reaching out to brush her hair back, my fingertips skimming her bare shoulder. Goosebumps follow my caress. Her expression melts into something more intense. “Nothing but Nino said something that has stuck with me. He said love is a feeling, either it’s there or it’s not, but keeping love is a decision. It’s realizing that someone has flaws and deciding to still love them. Can you honestly say you see Luka’s flaws? Or Adrien’s? Can you even name one?  

The smallest trace of a smirk lifts her lips. “Well, you are referring to yourself in the third person, that’s a flaw.” I laugh quietly and her eyes lighten. A smile tugs at her lips. “And! You’re pushy.”

I grin down at her as I move infinitesimally closer; not touching but I can feel her warmth. It surrounds me like a blanket. Comforting. Inviting. “Only when I know what I want.”

I feel her start to pull away and gently reach for her forearms. Holding her close but letting her know she could escape if she wanted to. “Adrien…this isn’t real. You just said that I only loved the idea of you and even that is wrong. I should have been always been with Luka. He is real. He is flawed.”

“No.” I say a little too firmly and feel her arms tense to pull away. I soften my tone and caress the silky skin of her shoulders. “I never said Luka because he’s on a pedestal too. Don’t you see? He appears to be a rogue but he is still a nice, boring Ashley. What’s his flaw Marinette?” My heart beats faster when she struggles to name one. “See? He’s not who I meant.”

“Who did you mean?” I can tell by her face who she is thinking of.

My strokes on her arm stay delicate and soothing. “I mean the only guy you have been in love with.”

Her head turns side to side without her realizing it. “I love Luka,” she says without conviction.

“No, you don’t princess.” Her arms tremble under my gentle touch. I can tell she is piecing everything together. My lady is nothing if not clever. “But there is someone else who you love.” Her eyes dart past my shoulder. I see the conflict within her, the struggle between staying and knowing the truth and running away.

Her eyes lock back onto mine and I’m acutely aware of how close we are. Fresh bread and spring flowers tease my nose, begging me to bury my nose in her neck. I remember how soft her skin was there. What noises would she make? Would she press her body closer? Lean her head away to allow me to get to that sensitive spot below her ear? I’m so distracted by her that I almost miss what she says.

“Who else could I possibly love, Adrien, if not Luka?” Her voice shakes and falters but she manages to complete her thought with a heavy swallow. “If not you?”

I don’t know why her finally admitting her past feelings for me affects me so deeply but it does. I freeze suddenly feeling nervous. I have dreamed of this moment. I have fantasized of it from every possible scenario. Not once did I think about what I’d do if she rejected me. My tongue feels heavy in my mouth; almost too clumsy to form words.

I clear my throat and try to push out what I want to say. “I never said you don’t love me….I said you don’t love Adrien.”

“What?” Her head starts shaking slowly. “I don’t understand.”

“I think you do. How did I get up on your balcony?”

Her eyes widen to fill her whole face. “No.” Her head jerks side to side.

“Yes…” I let one long breath out before I change everything. “Plagg claws out.”

Her eyes squeeze shut against the flash of green that envelopes my body.

Chapter Text

I don’t need to open my eyes to know what I’ll see. I’ve suspected since the club. Those eyes in the back of the cab. Him appearing on my balcony just moments after I left him on the street below. How many times has he slipped and called me princess? None of those compare to the times his smile is carefree or his eyes shine with playful mirth. I knew who he was before I could even put it in words. How does he know Marinette loves him though? I try to think how I let my feelings slip but nothing fits. It’s this nagging question that finally has me opening my eyes to a truth that changes everything.

Green eyes so achingly familiar stare back at me. It’s intense. They hold so much vulnerability that I forget what exactly I wanted to ask. I forget that we’re standing in my room. I forget all the stress and uncertainty that this past month has held. I forget every moment leading up to this. I forget Luka. All I can think about is the question burning in my partner’s eyes. The hope. The hairsbreadth that could devastate us both or transcend every moment.

With unsteady hands, I reach for Chat Noir’s face. My fingers ghost the bottom of his mask. Feather light touches skim his cheeks. They find a path into hair that was perfectly styled just a moment ago. Now it’s soft and wild. I have touched his hair so many times before; innocent pats or longing strokes. Nothing compares to now. The feeling of threading my hands deep into his golden hair makes my stomach clench. The feel of his purr vibrating the air between us makes my thighs clench.

I loved Adrien first. He was so good. He was perfect. That picture of the sweet, sad boy offering me his umbrella is my default image of Adrien. He’s right. I had him on a pedestal. I did love him but it was only one part of him. I loved the kind friend who saw the good in everyone, I loved the devoted son who worked a grueling schedule to make his father proud of him, I loved the pretty face and never saw the flaws. Flaws that make Chat Noir who he is; Brash and attention seeking yet still selfless, still the boy I love.

Chat Noir’s hands reach up and cover mine that are still stroking his hair. They tremble against my skin. His eyes are so close I can see all those feelings he keeps locked up tight. They roll and bubble near the surface. Neither of us speaks. Neither of us looks away. One wrong thing could break this spell. Neither of us wants that. Hesitantly, his claws drag across the skin of my wrists, arms, elbows, shoulders, and skim lazily down my sides. A wayward right thumb brushes the side of my breast and I gasp in surprise. Chat’s pupils are blown wide his nostrils flare. I should stop this. I should pull away. I should think about Luka but I’m too focused on Chat’s hands settling on my waist only to trace back the way they came.

Those claws are not so delicate on this pass. They press into the softness of my shirt dragging the material with them. They linger along my ribs before both thumbs stroke forward. The tips of his claws graze the underside of both my breasts this time and I shudder. The sensitive skin sparks and every nerve in my body reacts. I’m lost in the sensation and he knows it. His purr is swallowed by a low growl that makes my panting breaths catch in my throat. His hands encompass my waist. Thumbs continue caressing delicate skin as fingers press into my back; pulling me toward him until I have to arch my back to be able to keep his gaze.

He bends over me. His lips align with mine and hover just out of reach. “What’s my flaw, princess?” His voice is gravel.

To answer him will be admitting I love him. Once I do that, there will be no going back. We’re both too close, too on edge, too desperate for something that has always been just out of reach. As much as my body is screaming for him, that is not what motivates me to tighten my grip in his hair. It’s not what motivates me to swallow my doubts. No, it’s the resignation of defeat that is already in Chat’s eyes. He thinks he’s already lost and it’s that devastating loneliness in his eyes that finally pushes me to take that leap. I let my tongue glide over my lips allowing them to part and say, “You make the worst puns.” His smile is feral. It’s the kind of smile that brings darkness creeping into my vision. Darkness that dissipates as soon as his lips slam down on mine.

My body pushes up against his as my back hits a wall. It’s punishing in the most wonderful way. His lips are firm and demanding; nipping and caressing while one of his hands lift to frame my face. I try to kiss him back but he’s in total control. I can only react while he consumes me. My body melts against his, soft and pliant against firm and commanding. Four years we have waited for this kiss and it is more than I could have imagined. I whimper as his tongue slips over my bottom lip, a gentle caress after such engulfing passion. My lips part and that tenderness is gone the instant his tongue brushes mine. I’m lost as he deepens the kiss, panting for breath before being pulled under again.

The hand that stayed on my waist drags toward my back and finds bare skin. Clawed fingers flex then dig in almost to the point of pain before relaxing again. They trace the curve of my spine down to the edge of my jeans. I feel him hesitate before his pinky finger slips just below the waistband, following the edge back toward the delicate skin of my stomach.  It’s like a bolt slams into me and my head rips free to gasp a prayer to my ceiling. My body trembles as those needy lips mark the skin across my shoulder. Teeth drag across my collarbone before an unhurried tongue laps at my neck.

“I need to feel your skin, princess.” There’s only the slightest hesitation when Chat mumbles, “Plagg claws in.”

Green light once again fills my room. The light crackles where our skin touches but there is no pain. I hadn’t realized how much time had passed and the room is left in shadows around us. I had told my parents I had already eaten dinner with Alya and was turning in for the night but the sun must have set since I came upstairs. Plagg’s dark form zips wordlessly to Tikki’s hiding place apparently done with us. I’m suddenly very aware that it is Adrien pressed against me now. He must feel my uncertainty because his lips pause just below my ear. His breath puffs against the little hairs at my nape making me shiver.

His words are a whisper, almost a plea to accept him in this form as well. “What’s my flaw Marinette?”

I have one last chance to turn back. One last chance to not ruin the wonderful thing I have with Luka. I can’t seem to stop this though. I can’t pull back when I have so much love for Adrien that my body feels like its brimming with effervescent bubbles. Each sparkling pop makes my heart swell and I realize I have tears in my eyes. They slip down my cheek and cling to Adrien’s skin. He straightens so that he can see my face.

“Oh, Marinette.” He moans as his forehead drops to mine. “I’m sorry. So sorry. Please don’t cry.” He seems to swallow his own emotions as he pulls away. “I shouldn’t have come here. I shouldn’t have put y-“

In a panic, my hand snaps out and locks onto the back of his neck as my other covers his mouth. “No. Don’t say it. Don’t think it, Adrien.” My eyes chase his. “These aren’t sad tears. Can’t you see?” I let everything I feel for him shine in my eyes. He has to know how I feel about him doesn’t he? He seemed so certain of it before but now that he’s Adrien again he doubts himself. He doubts his worth. I know what I have to do. What I want to do. “Your flaw, Adrien Agreste, is that you hide who you truly are. I love who you truly are.”

The way his eyes seem so uncertain hurts my heart. He stares at me, his mouth parted, his hands forgotten at his sides. He’s trying to process what I just confessed and I see when it finally clicks. I love him. A strangled pained sound rips from his throat as his arms wrap around me and grip tight. I feel his body trembling against mine, struggling with the emotion he has always tried to repress.

Then in one smooth motion, his knee presses between mine as his fingers skim down over my ass. Squeezing, he drags my hips up. My toes leave the ground and I’m weightless. His lips find mine in a searing kiss and it’s like being thrown from a waterfall. One moment, I’m drowning and overcome by the intensity of his kiss. The next moment I reach the drop and I’m freefalling. I wrap my legs around his waist needing to find something solid.

Holding my body to his, Adrien turns suddenly and walks up the stairs to my bed. Clutching me to him as if he’s afraid I’ll slip away, he lowers us to my soft comforter, his body positioned over mine like a sentinel. He holds his weight on his elbow as he stares down at me. His eyes and fingers trace my face, my neck, my hair, anything they can reach.

“I love you Marinette. I love you so fucking much it’s painful. Why did it take me so long to realize it? How could I be so stupid? You’re everything.”

I feel something snap. That hesitation, that resistance I had dissipates underneath his probing gaze. “I love you too, Adrien.”

His kiss this time is reverent. Smooth, soft, probing kisses steal my breath. The fabric barriers between us are wiped away one after another and, without even knowing how it happened, his golden skin is flush against mine. I’m lost to his touch. I’m lost to the way his hands tremble and grip at me before smoothing across my flushed body. I no longer have control. I squirm and arch into his brushing fingers. His lips finally release me and travel over my jaw. Teeth nip at my neck making my head throw back and my nails dig into his skin. His fingers slide between my legs just as firm lips close around my nipple. My entire body tightens and lifts off the bed. Pleasure explodes through every nerve. My body is taut and on edge as he presses and teases; bringing me closer and closer to a climax that will kill me. Le petite mort.

“God, you’re beautiful.” My eyes open to find him studying me. His eyes are locked onto mine; drinking in my every gasp and moan.

His fingers dance and play; pumping and swirling. I feel his desire pressed against my thigh. I should put an end to this but all I want is to go farther. I feel incomplete. I want more. I burn to feel that connection. I want so much to share that one moment of completeness with Adrien. With my Chat Noir. His breath puffs through gritted teeth and his body trembles as fingers work against me in the most excruciating pleasure. I can’t pull away. Every part of me is desperate for him.

“Please, Adrien. I need you.” I shift against him trying to wrap my legs around his waist. I squirm until I feel him where I want him most. “I want more. I want all of you.”

_______________

So soft. Everything about Marinette is soft. Her skin. He lips. Her body. The sweet noises she makes. So very soft. I’m desperate to touch every inch of her but it’s killing me at the same time. I want her so badly. My muscles shake from the control I’m exerting to go slowly. All I want to do is unleash the destructive power that swirls in me. I want to pin her to the bed. I want to feel her body surround mine. I squeeze my eyes closed and try to keep my body in check. She shatters my every resolve with a sudden shift of her hips and a needy plea.

“Please, Adrien. I need you. I want more. I want all of you.”

With excruciating slowness we come together. I press my forehead to hers trying to catch my breath waiting for her body to relax. She bites into her lip as her eyes squeeze shut against the pain that ends her virginity. I hold still as I try and sooth her with gentle touches. Bleary, blue eyes finally open to stare into me. She smiles and I loose what’s left of my heart. She owns me completely. I begin to move and she moves with me. Faster and harder we meet again and again. Eyes locked. Breathes mixed. Energy crackles between us. Everything fades and I’m reminded of our dance at the club. The completeness I felt then and that feeling of being one. All I see is her. All I feel is our love. As power builds in my spine our motions lose rhythm and become erratic. Her fingernails dig into my back as her mouth bites down onto my shoulder. A desperate cry is muffled against my skin as her body writhes and shutters against my own. With a possessive growl I lose myself in her, swallowed by oblivion.

I come back slowly. I don’t know how much time has passed but the room is completely dark. My ears sound muffled and my eyes feel heavy. Every muscle is lax as I’m snuggled against Marinette’s chest. Warm, soft skin makes for a perfect pillow and I’m hesitant to break this moment. Guilt finally has me pulling my weight off of her but she mews in protest. I smile and smooth her hair but her eyes never open. She immediately drifts back off to sleep. I can’t take my eyes off of her. Cheeks still flushed are lifted in a soft smile. I can’t help but trace her skin; gentle strokes that barely brush against her. As a finger grazes her side she flinches in her sleep. A breathy giggle makes me lean in to kiss her shoulder but her mumbled words stop me cold.

“…Luka…”

I stare down at her face but she’s still fast asleep. I shiver as my skin seems to catch fire. Did she just say Luka’s name in her sleep? My breathing turns into pants. Did she say his name as I touched her? I wrench myself off the bed. My mind racing. We have sex and she says his name? Was it a lie? How could it be? My fingers grip at my hair, pulling until sharp pain steadies my thoughts. As my head clears anger rushes in. I glance back at her and street light from below sparkles against her earring. My hands drop like lead to my sides.

I could change things. If my father’s wish works Marinette would never be Ladybug. I would never be Chat Noir. Our feelings for each other wouldn’t be muddled between our alter egos. We are meant to be I know it. I have never felt such a connection before. I love her and I know she loves me but I can’t help but feel like I will still lose her. Guilt will eat away at what we have and we will fall apart in the end. I can’t let that happen. I can’t lose her. All I need are the earrings and then my father’s wish will solve everything.

I snatch up pieces of my clothes and tug them on as quietly as I can. Leaning over Marinette as she sleeps I study her face. Please don’t hate me. My fingers tuck her hair away from her ears, careful not to wake her. I hear a rustle behind me. Scared that Plagg or Tikki will ruin my chance; I reach out and slip both of Marinette’s earrings off. A soft gasp behind me alerts me to Tikki’s presence.

In a barely audible growl I say, “Tikki, not a sound and you are dismissed.”

With a scathing glare she zips into the earrings. Black fades to red with black dots. The miraculous is no longer active and awaiting their next holder.

Plagg rubs at his eyes as he floats up the stairs. “Wh-”

I grab him to cut off his questions and slide up the balcony exit. Safely outside I release him but still don’t give him a chance to question me. Self-loathing twists my heart and I spit out the words to transform. In a single leap, I’m flying through the air to the next roof top. Marinette’s miraculous earrings sharp against my palm. A painful reminder of my betrayal.