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Eggsy can remember distinctly how they first met.
Eggsy’s new to the school, and it’s awfully hard to navigate through school on your own. All his classes are boring, and he’s waiting for the last bell to ring so he can dart out of this hell hole.
In all honesty, his first day is pretty mediocre. It’s not until last period where things get interesting.
His last class is fairly big, and Eggsy can pick out who’s serious and who’s not. Since it’s last period, Eggsy’s backpack is full as hell and heavy as fuck, and along with that, Eggsy’s carrying several assignments in hand.
And of course, some dumbass rams right into him as Eggsy rounds a corner in his classroom. It’s the kind of impact that knocks the breath right out of you. His textbook stuffed with assignments flies to the floor, and several papers float away.
“What the fu-!”
“I’m so sorry,” a deep voice- who the fuck has that much of a nice voice?- says sincerely.
Eggsy’s eyes immediately dart up to see a young boy, much like himself, with hazel brown eyes covered by glasses and a riot of curls on his head and shit, are those fucking cheekbones?
The next thing he knows, the boy’s on his knees picking up his papers, and Eggsy is silent as he watches him.
The boy stands up again, and his glasses are slightly askew with his hand holding out Eggsy’s papers stacked neatly.
“I apologize profusely,” he says and whisks away to blend in with the commotion of the classroom as people scramble to grab a seat. Eggsy can’t help but notice how gracefully he walks and how controlled his motions are.
Throughout the class, all Eggsy can do is watch the boy as he sits across the room because what else is entertaining enough to do? Eggsy tries to make his staring not obvious, and his eyes glance away when Eggsy senses the boy watching him. It’s like a game of cat and mouse, and Eggsy feels a sort of thrill.
And yeah, the only thing that Eggsy has deduced about the boy is that he’s posh as fuck.
The other boy is smart, and Eggsy can see the intelligence flash in his eyes, bright like a star. When Eggsy does catch his eye, Eggsy knows that that boy is someone worth knowing
The teacher ends the lesson early, and everyone is left to mingle about as people make introductions. Eggsy opts to sit it out until the bell rings even if he itches to approach the other boy.
A finger taps him on the shoulder, and he turns to see a girl with a ponytail smile brightly at him.
“I’m Roxy.”
“I’m Eggsy,” he says, bewildered.
“Eggy?” Her delicate eyebrow lifts in an arch.
“No, Eggsy ,” he says, and her face morphs into understanding.
“You’re new here, right?”
Eggsy nods.
Roxy’s bright and just about as friendly as you can get, and Eggsy is grateful to have met her. They get on easily.
It’s then that the boy walks past them, and Roxy perks up.
“Harry!” She calls out, and the boy turns around. She motions him to come over. “Meet Eggsy, and Eggsy, meet Harry.”
The boy- Harry, smiles. His whole face softens, and yeah- those are cheekbones.
“What do you call a fake noodle?”
Eggsy’s face scrunches up.
“An impasta.”
And for some strange reason, Eggsy bursts out laughing, and Harry smiles, genuinely happy.
And that’s where it starts.
Harry is a year older, but he’s fucking awesome. He isn’t like any other person Eggsy’s ever met. He’s polite as hell. He’s patient. He’s smart as hell. But the thing that matters most is that Harry gets him.
They text a lot, and they banter a lot in the halls when they see each other. Since they only share one class, it’s rare they see each other in school, so they exchange numbers.
They hang out after school constantly, and Eggsy feels alive again.
Hey??? You awake?? Eggsy texts.
Now I am.
Eggsy smiles. well u didnt have to respond wanker
Alright, I believe this is my cue to go back to sleep.
Alright alright!! Sorry bruv
Eggsy face splits even wider, and he can hear Harry’s exasperated sigh.
Eggsy decides to call him.
“Hullo?”
“Eggsy,” he says, and yup, there’s the exasperation.
“I’m bored.”
“And that’s all you called me for? Jesus Christ, Eggsy.”
And that’s how they talk. At night, they talk about anything and everything. Eggsy’s even told Harry his real name.
“My real name’s Gary.”
“...”
“What? Did I scare you or somethin’? ‘Arry?”
“Gary? Really?”
“ Oh, shut up! Wanker!”
Eggsy, for once in his life, can be open about himself. He tells Harry the nitpicky things in his life. His favorite color is blue. His favorite person in the world is his little sister, Daisy. He absolutely fucking hates his second period teacher, Mr. Jones. And so what if he may or may not love Taylor Swift secretly?
Harry sings along with Eggsy when ‘You Belong With Me’ plays on the radio when they drive late at night on the weekends with nothing better to do.
And their friendship is intimate, and they understand each other more than anyone else would.
Eggsy tells Harry of his stepfather. The way he hurts Eggsy and his mum. Harry is silent, but he looks more hurt than the time Charlie kicked a ball that sailed and hit Harry’s head hard enough to send his glasses flying. Eggsy even goes far enough to roll up his sleeves to show Harry the scars. The act alone is enough to feel like Eggsy’s standing at the precipice of a cliff, ready to fall.
And- Harry doesn’t pity him like his other peers. Harry almost looks like he’ll cry for Eggsy. The sorrow on his face runs deep, and suddenly, Eggsy’s pulled forward. Harry hugs Eggsy tightly, and Eggsy is stunned. No one has ever cared for Eggsy this deeply, and Eggsy is moved. Harry’s arms hold Eggsy tightly, and Eggsy feels grounded.
The scent of Harry calms his heart. It’s some sort of posh cologne mixed with Harry’s scent. It’s unique, and Eggsy knows the scent will be imprinted in his mind. The heat of Harry seeps through their clothing, and Eggsy feels whole again.
It’s another night that Harry tells him of his mother and father. They both died in an accident, and Harry was left under the care of his uncle, Arthur. Harry’s lonely in his house when he goes home everyday, and Harry tells him how sometimes, he can still hear his mother calling to him from the stairs. Eggsy vows to himself to never let Harry feel lonely.
Harry introduces Merlin to Eggsy one day, and Jesus, Eggsy wonders where the hell these people have been all his life. With Roxy, Merlin, and Harry, Eggsy feels whole. Their group chats are fucking insane.
Merlin and Harry have known each other almost all their lives, and Eggsy was right. They’re both posh fuckers.
But at least they’re not assholes.
Merlin and Harry argue over the stupidest shit though.
“You don’t put that much sugar in tea!”
“Well, fuck you. It’s my tea so shut it!” Merlin snaps, and he puts in an extra spoonful spitefully in his cup.
Harry gasps and turns away and exclaims with exasperation, “Blasphemy!” Eggsy barks out a laugh.
Eggsy ruffles Harry’s curly hair as Harry pouts.
They all hang out often, but Eggsy feels his friendship with Harry is so much more profound than anything he’s ever experienced with. It’s exciting and fuckin’ exhilarating.
And then it all goes to shit because- well, Eggsy is Eggsy, and Harry is Harry.
Harry is debonair as fuck , and Eggsy’s far from being blind. All the girls fawn over him, and Harry probably receives a confession every week. Hell, some of the girls have even started asking Harry’s teachers about him.
Harry’s also got the curls and the “chocolate-hazel eyes” that all the girls talk about, and honestly? Eggsy understands because again, he’s not blind. And those glasses? They make Harry look so dashing. Harry’s like a fairy tale prince, charming and handsome.
It all goes downhill while they’re texting. Harry’s packing for a weeklong trip out of the country, and Eggsy’s feeling lazy while he lays in bed, texting Harry Hart.
Yo are u sure u have to go??
Yes, for the hundredth time.
:( who’ll walk with me to last period?? who will i hang out with after schook?
Your typing is still abhorrent as ever, and I haven’t seen my aunt in ages, Eggsy. You have both Merlin and Roxy, and I believe they are sufficient company.
Aw cmon don’t be like that :,( you know what i mean
Clarify.
u need me to spell it out? It wont be the same without you
And fuck, as if Eggsy doesn’t understand how much he’ll miss Harry the following week. They were literally attached to the hip, and it was rare to not see one without the other.
Are you saying you’ll miss me, Eggsy Unwin?
Eggsy pauses, his fingers hovering his keyboard. Shit.
Fuck you narcissus
Eggsy opts to go the route he’s familiar with. Say “fuck you”, move on, and forget. Eggsy wills down the hot flush that threatens to spread across his body.
Ah, you wound me, Eggsy. :(
The attempt at using emoticons always pulls a smile on Eggsy’s face.
Aww sorry haz
Don’t be petty. It’s not becoming of a gentleman.
Oh please we both know that youre enough of a gnetleman for the both of us
:(
Eggsy snorts, but he’s suddenly hit with a wave of adoration and warmth for the person he’s texting. It dawns on Eggsy then.
He, Gary ‘Eggsy’ Unwin is in love with Harry debonair-as-fuck Hart. That free falling sensation he feels everytime he sees Harry enters his periphery isn’t as normal as he thought it was. The way his chest flips when Harry brushes his hair out of his face is a bit not good. Harry with his stupid humor and the way he always makes Eggsy laugh.
And shit- that makes him gay, doesn’t it?
Eggsy frowns. The fact doesn’t change him into a new person. He’s still the same Eggsy Unwin as ever, and all that’s happened is that he’s discovered something new about himself. It doesn’t change anything.
Even if the person of interest is Harry Hart.
So, Eggsy lets it go for another day.
It’s the middle of the week when Harry texts him. Precisely, it’s the middle of the night at nearly 1AM when Eggsy hears his phone chime. Eggsy stares at his screen incredulously.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
its the middle of the night bruv unlike some people i have school buttfucking early tomorrow
Come on, Eggsy. Have some imagination!
yeah i would if it wasn’t almost 1 in the morning and i don’t know the answer
An investigator.
Omg it’s too late for this harry
It’s never too late for intellect.
Duck you
Fuck** you
:(
Whats up tho? Why r u texting me at 1? Is something wrong?
No… I just found myself missing your company.
And shit, if Eggsy doesn’t feel himself warm up all over under his covers. Eggsy wills down the urge to throw the covers away. People don’t go saying crap like that normally.
It’s then that Eggsy’s phone rings, and he scramble to pick it up before it wakes Daisy.
“Hello?” Eggsy whispers.
“Hello, Eggsy,” Harry says, and shit, Harry’s voice is deep, “Why are you whispering?”
“I’m not supposed to be awake, wanker. ‘M not gonna go ‘n wake Daisy when it takes her forever to go to sleep.”
“Oh. Should I call again some other time, then?”
“No!” Eggsy nearly yells, and he quickly smothers his mouth closed, afraid that Daisy heard.
“Hmm… alright. How’s school?”
Eggsy frowns. Lonely , his mind automatically provides. Instead, he opts to say the exact opposite.
“Fun.”
“Oh come on, Eggsy. You play me as a fool. I know you better than that. How was it really?”
“Okay. It was shit.” Harry snorts, and Eggsy smiles widely without any restraint. Oh god, Eggsy realizes how much he sounds like a girlfriend talking with her long distance boyfriend. Eggsy cringes internally.
“Language,” Harry chides.
“I kinda missed you too,” Eggsy admits.
A beat of silence.
“And I, you.”
They sit in silence for awhile, just listening to each other breathe.
It’s in moments like these that Eggsy rationalizes. How can he not fall in love with Harry when he’s so patient and kind? When he understands Eggsy even when Eggsy doesn’t understand himself?
Eggsy’s falling deeper and deeper.
Harry returns after the week is through, and things are back to normal. Well, mostly.
Harry is more… moody, to say the least. Eggsy thinks it’s jetlag, so he doesn’t mention it. Harry’s quiet around Eggsy, more so than usual. The silence between them that’s usually filled with some witty quip or a stupid pun is quiet, save for their breathing.
Eggsy doesn’t have the balls to ask Harry, but at least he has the balls to admit that.
So Eggsy asks over text.
U ok?
I’m fine. Thank you for asking, though.
R u sure? You’ve been kinda weird these past few days?? Kinda makin me worried here bruv
I’m sorry, Eggsy. I’ve just been tired from the trip.
Ohh okay understandable
There’s a pause in their text, but Eggsy can see the text bubble pop up, indicating that Harry is still typing.
My aunt wanted me to live with her.
Eggsy pauses. What the hell?
And?
I declined her offer.
Why?
Because I told her I couldn’t leave someone behind.
Eggsy stops. Who could it be possibly be? Someone that made Harry Hart want to stay so far away from one of the only living family members he had? Eggsy wants to ask so badly.
And Eggsy decides: Fuck it. What does he have to lose if he asks, right?
Who can’t u leave behind?
It’s Merlin, isn’t it
I knew it. U two are going to grow old together until you’re two old men bickering in a retirement home together
No, Eggsy. It’s you.
And Eggsy stops breathing entirely, and before he can stop himself, his fingers automatically type out the words he’s been yearning to say aloud. The words his hands seem to know how to type in their sleep. The words that burn in the back of his throat constantly. The words that Eggsy always types but never sends. Until now.
I love you.
Eggsy instantly regrets sending those words, and suddenly, he finds himself shaking all over. His body starts trembling, and a millions thoughts run through his head. It’s the anticipation that seeps inside him bone deep. Eggsy almost feels nauseous when he sees the text bubble pop up in the corner. Holy shit.
I love you too, Eggsy Unwin.
And everything else stops. The world seems to stop moving, and Eggsy stops breathing. This can’t be real. No way in hell would the Harry Hart be in love with Eggsy Unwin.
Holy shit
What?
I didn’t think this was a two way thing
And I am happy to say that you were wrong.
And Eggsy is more than happy to admit that he is wrong.
“I love you,” Eggsy Unwin says, starstruck in an
embrace.
Eggsy knows he probably looks more dumb and lovestruck than even the worse fool in love. Eggsy can’t help it though, and the smile on his face is almost permanent in his presence.
Harry smiles in a way that Eggsy knows he’s the only one to ever see it. It’s enigmatic and positively charming. It makes Eggsy’s chest flip-flop like a fish out of water, and he feels lightheaded.
Eggsy lets out a laugh of pure joy, and it’s the kind laugh where you throw your head back because you can’t help it.
Harry is scintillating.
And fuck- Eggsy knows how much Harry is rubbing off on him. His school habits have changed, the way he talks has changed, and the people he talks to have changed. Eggsy’s better than he’s ever been.
Eggsy’s grateful that he’s come this far with Harry because if someone had told Eggsy that one day he’d be held by Harry in an embrace underneath the stars, Eggsy would have socked them square in the jaw.
They don’t need to define themselves as anything. They’re just them. In love without a care in the world.
Eggsy feels loved, and he reciprocates as much as he feels and more. Eggsy feels so much, and he feels his heart will burst as Harry murmurs softy in his ear while his fingers card through Eggsy’s hair. The beating of his heart is a rhythm Eggsy could listen to forever.
Eggsy closes his eyes and wishes this moment were infinite.
“Why the hell do you even like me?”
Harry doesn’t answer. Instead, he smiles enigmatically at Eggsy.
“What? Oh come on! Tell me!”
Harry turns his face away. “It started when we first met.”
Eggsy frowns and digs in his head to remember when they first met, months and months ago.
“It’s stupid, but… you were the first person to ever laugh at a stupid pun I made, and I thought at that moment, ‘Holy shit, this person is worth knowing’ and here I am, head over heels for you.” Harry puts his head on top of Eggsy’s, taking advantage of their height distance.
“You fucking sap,” Eggsy says, too embarrassed to look Harry in the eye, and instead, chooses to bury his face into Harry’s neck.
“You love it,” Harry says, and fuck, Eggsy can hear the smirk in Harry’s voice.
Eggsy’s not denying it though.
Eggsy is intimate with the knowledge that nothing good lasts forever.
When Eggsy was younger, he distinctly remembers a voice telling him “The best thing about ice cream is that it doesn’t last forever. You have to eat it now or you never do,” and Eggsy remembers the experiences where he’s let the ice cream melt away before he’s eaten it.
Eggsy remembers little about the moments with his father, and instead, he has intense memories of Dean. Good things don’t last.
“Fucking queers,” Dean snarls as he watches the TV screen. On screen, it’s an ad, and it shows two men as a couple without being ostentatious.
Dean turns to Eggsy then. “If I ever see you with a boy, yer gonna fucking get it and so will your mother. Ya hear me?” Dean gives Eggsy a look, and Eggsy pales.
Eggsy’s eyes dart toward his mother, and he sees her tremble as she stares at her plate.
Dean knows, and Eggsy is so fucking screwed.
So Eggsy does the only thing he can do. He stops talking to Harry.
As classes are coming to an end, their schedules clash as tests come up, and it makes it easier for Eggsy to stop because he doesn’t have to see Harry’s face. He doesn’t have to see the hurt in his eyes, and he doesn’t have to answer questions that he can’t.
Harry’s texts are frequent, and Eggsy has several missed calls from him.
Every text he ignores is like a stab in the chest, and Eggsy reasons it’s for the best. He doesn’t want Dean to hurt anyone.
Are you alright, Eggsy?
I miss you. Please talk to me, Eggsy.
Was it something I did?
Eggsy’s fingers itch to type out a response, anything to reassure Harry, but Dean’s threat lingers fresh in his mind. Before he can type anything, he stops himself.
And it fucking hurts. Harry texts, and Eggsy doesn’t respond. Eventually, Eggsy blocks his number entirely but not before Eggsy sees his last text from Harry.
I love you. Nothing will change that.
At night, Eggsy stays up, thinking about Harry, about the way his hand felt curled up in Eggsy’s hand. He thinks of the way Harry smiled and the way Harry kissed him, softly and sweetly.
School ends, and Eggsy still doesn’t see Harry. He’s too much of a coward to say goodbye to Roxy and Merlin, afraid they’ll mention Harry.
Everything revolves around Harry. His thoughts always find a way back to him, and Eggsy aches with loneliness. He dreams of Harry.
His only consolation when Dean beats him is Harry. Eggsy would dream of the way Harry kissed him, utterly sweet and gentle, and especially the way he held Eggsy as if he was the most precious thing in the world. He dreams of Harry’s voice, the rise and fall of it when he spoke to Eggsy. Eggsy misses Harry, and it almost feels like he’s lost a limb or had it severed.
It’s one day in the middle of summer when Eggsy decides to get the fuck out of his house with Daisy to go to the park. There, he watches Daisy play around happily without any shouting. It’s nice to see her smile and laugh, to live like a normal child.
Eggsy’s sitting at a bench by himself while he watches Daisy closely. He doesn’t notice another person sit on the opposite side of the bench.
“Eggsy.”
Eggsy nearly jumps out of his skin as his head whips to the side. There, on the other end of the bench is Roxy.
Oh fuck , his mind supplies.
She smiles softly and looks out at the playground.
“Haven’t heard from you in a while,” she says while smiling sadly. Eggsy’s body is stuck in fight-or-flight mode, and he almost misses what she says.
“Merlin’s been wondering about you. Harry’s been worried sick about you.”
And ouch. Harry’s name causes Eggsy’s heart to ache, and it sets his heart beating just a little bit faster.
Eggsy opts to say nothing.
“Harry’s moving.”
“ What?!”
Roxy looks over then. Her face is unreadable.
“His aunt wanted him to live with her, and Harry said he didn’t have anyone he’d leave behind, so he just… left.” Roxy looks away, and Eggsy is stunned beyond anything. The last bit kills Eggsy, and he can feel his heart stutter. If this is how heartbreak feels like, Eggsy never wants to love again.
Roxy meets Daisy, and Daisy loves her. Eggsy wonders if she’d like Harry just as much. They catch up a little, and Roxy leaves afterwards.
Eggsy drifts home with Daisy in a haze. Daisy babbles to him happily, but Eggsy only answers her halfheartedly. All of Eggsy’s thoughts revolve around Harry.
When he gets home, thankfully no one is home. It’s blissfully quiet. He puts Daisy to bed, and he showers.
He does everything on autopilot.
When he’s done, he lies in his bed, wide awake.
Harry’s gone. Harry’s gone gone. There’s no chance for Eggsy to fix things between them, and now, Harry will be the one that got away. Eggsy will never see Harry again, and Harry will fade away into a memory.
Eggsy’s fucked things up between them badly, and now, he doesn’t even have the chance to fix things.
He’d been foolish, Eggsy realizes. He had a million options to fix things between him and Harry, but instead, he’d opted to go the easy route. He didn’t have to let Dean have his way, and Eggsy had thought he had won against Dean by keeping Harry and himself safe from him. In the end, he’d lost his happiness and Harry. Two birds with one stone. Eggsy had lost.
With despair heavy in his chest, Eggsy tosses and turns in the bed, the silence heavy in the apartment. Eggsy wants to cry his heart out, but he aches. He aches, and his heart hurts to think of Harry. There’s no energy left for him to cry.
Eggsy feels too much pain and anguish. It hurts to think of how Harry would wrap him up in his arms were he here. Everything just fucking hurts.
It’s now that Eggsy realizes how much he’s fucked up and how much he let go. His heart constricts, and fuck , it’s like Harry’s taken his whole heart with him. There’s no way that Eggsy can love someone else when Harry has so thoroughly ruined him for everyone else. How could someone else compare to Harry Hart?
Eggsy never even got the chance to fully be with Harry before he let it all go.
Eggsy sits up in his bed. The bed seems infinite with space, even with the covers rumpled in the corner. Eggsy stares blankly at the softly illuminated bed in silence as he listens to the hum of the apartment. Outside, he can hear the soft thrum of the city as the clock ticks.
Eggsy scoots closer to the window and opens it. The night air is dank with a slight breeze. He breathes in the London air, and no matter how much and how deeply he breathes, it’s like he can’t get enough air.
Eggsy can feel the hopelessness building in his chest like water at a dam, waiting to break through. It’s overwhelming, and it feels like Eggsy’s losing the ability to breathe correctly.
The night sky is brilliantly dark with a smattering of stars spilled across the sky. Eggsy remembers when he was younger, and the only thing that seemed hopeful were the stars. Dean would beat the literal crap out of him, and he’d hobble to his bedroom, bleeding and weary. He’d flop onto his bed, breath labored, and he’d see the stars outside the window, twinkling and constant. He’s lucky in a way that most people have their lights off in this part of the city at night.
Eggsy lays his head on the window sill with his arm hanging over the edge. It’s a quiet night, but it’s a riot in Eggsy’s head.
Foolishly, Eggsy thinks of wishing on a star. Instantly, he almost recoils at his own thought, but he feels so hopeless.
Eggsy stares at the star and wishes that he could go back and change what’s been done. The wish feels bone deep, and Eggsy yearns. It burns inside him like an ember. He yearns for what could have been.
He closes his eyes and just wishes.
A soft breeze blows, and Eggsy opens his eyes.
In front of him, Harry stands, bright-eyed and scintillating. He smiles exactly the way Eggsy remembers when they first met, soft and familiar, the smile that emphasizes his cheekbones.
And there it is:
“What do you call a fake noodle?”
Eggsy smiles.