Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“I am a fucking delight.” Katsuki bit out, glaring at the brittle white squares making up the dorm’s ceiling. He was flat on his back in bed, crimson eyes narrowed and nostrils flared. “He would be fucking lucky to have me.”

“Yes. You, Bakugou, are a constant pleasure.” Kaminari said drily from the floor, flipping idly through a magazine.

“Eat dick, Pikachu.”

“A constant pleasure.”

“You’re great Bakugou, really, you just… maybe came on a teeny tiny bit too strong?” Bakugou’s desk chair squeaked as Ashido spun it slowly, head lolling over the back to stare upside-down at her hot-headed friend.

“What does that shit even mean? Too strong? What’s the point of having feelings if they’re not fucking strong?!”  His sharp words, once able to make his classmates flinch, had no effect on his friends now.

“I really don’t think it’s the feelings part that’s too much, Kacchan.” Midoriya sat with his back against the wall, still looking bewildered that he was in Bakugou’s room at all.

“Tch.” Was Katsuki’s only reply.

He knew it wasn’t the best idea to confess by yelling… and okay, maybe letting off an explosion. Or two. He’d just... part of him had thought Kirishima would be all impressed, despite everything. Like the spiky haired dork he usually was. He’d hoped Kirishima would just laugh and say “you’re so manly, bro” and then they could go and make out and be done with it.

Three hours earlier:

The cafeteria buzzed with students chattering, trays clacking, and chairs scraping. Katsuki stood in an entrance, arms crossed. The crowd flowing in around him gave him the appropriate amount of space. Across the way, Kirishima sat with his back to Katsuki, gesturing wildly with his chopsticks as Ashido cackled and Kaminari blew a fuse. It was a familiar scene, nothing different from all the other times Katsuki came into the cafeteria. Yet something in his gut twisted.

To Kirishima's right was an empty seat. Katuski knew that that spot was always reserved for him—and lately, that fact had become... intimidating. Which was damn stupid, but it was the truth. A pressure had started to build in his chest, whenever he saw Kirishima making space for him. Whether it was piling onto a bus, or picking partners for a project, or saving a seat at lunch, Kirishima always made sure there was a place especially for Katsuki, and it made his heart ache.

The worst part, he thought, was that he really wanted to talk to Kirishima about this—but he wasn’t used to talking about these kinds of feelings. Rage? Fucking yes. Irritation? Definitely. This weird combination of neediness and hope and goddamned affection? No. Absolutely not.

The pressure in his chest got worse. Katsuki was not a person who enjoyed backing down from a challenge. Even one of this kind.

With a huff of aggression, he pushed himself forward, brusquely gathering food and making his way to his usual table, drawn to the seat next to Kirishima.

“Yo, Bakubro, where have you been?” Kirishima turned, beaming his unfairly adorable, sunshine-filled smile…

…and Katsuki felt himself lose it.

He’d thought about what he’d say in this situation an embarrassing number of times, but what came out was this:

“Fuck you. You adorable motherfucker. I really fucking like you, do you want to go out?!”

The tables around them were quiet. His palms were letting off minor explosions, crackling against his calluses and rattling his tray of food. And Katsuki got to watch Kirishima’s smile melt into a small, disappointed frown. If he were a little bitch, Katsuki might have said that it felt like the world was ending in that moment.

“Bakugou,” Kirishima said, and his tone wasn’t at all embarrassed; it was quiet, and full of hurt, “no.”

Present time:

Katsuki tried to shake the memory from his mind, focusing on the here and now. Yeah, he'd been wrong. Kirishima wasn’t fucking impressed. Why would he be?

This was why he’d brought Deku here. He and half-and-half had been dating for—shit, for two fucking years now. Maybe he’d have some advice? Something more helpful than “maybe it’s not your feelings that are too strong”? Something that Katsuki didn’t already know?

“How’d you confess to icy-hot, Deku?” He asked suddenly, not looking away from the ceiling. His words still held an edge, but also the ring of genuine curiosity.

On the floor, Midoriya blushed hotly. “I, um, I actually didn’t confess to Shouto. He confessed to me.” His curly green hair fell forward as he buried his nose in his knees.

“Hah?!” Bakugou looked at him, mouth hanging open, showing teeth. “That half-and-half bastard actually confessed to you?!”

Still blushing, Midoriya nodded without lifting his head.

“Awww, that’s so sweet Midoriya! It must have been adorable! I wish I could have seen it!”

“Ha, I bet Todoroki had that same monotone voice he always had back then and didn’t even crack a smile, all serious, like,” Kaminari mimicked Todoroki’s tone, “I am here to court the fuck out of you.”

Midoriya giggled. “He didn’t actually say he wanted to court me. I think he said he wanted to woo me.” Kaminari choked, and Ashido laughed so hard she slipped from the desk chair onto the floor.

“Ohmygod,” Kaminari burst out, “I am so going to hold that over his head. He will never live this down.”

“Please don’t do that.” Midoriya said, but he was grinning too.

Throwing an arm over his eyes, Katsuki groaned.  They weren’t here to talk about icy-hot’s lack of skills. They were here to talk about Katsuki’s lack of skills, and didn’t that comparison burn. “You assholes. I knew none of you would help.”

Ashido grinned cheekily as she looked up at him with one eye, rubbing moisture out of the other. “Why did you get us to come if you knew we wouldn’t be helpful?” 

“Obviously he asked you guys cause you’re in long term relationships.” Kaminari groused, delight quickly forgotten as he was reminded of his singular status.

“Oh, that’s why.” Midoriya whispered under his breath, eyes wide as he stared into space for a second.

“Sero and I haven’t been dating for that long though, have we?”

Katsuki glared at Ashido from the bed. “Bitch, your one-year fucking anniversary is two days away, and you don’t even know how long you’ve been dating?”

“Well, it’s not our fucking anniversary,” Ashido mused with a smirk, unperturbed, “that’s coming up in a couple weeks though.” Kaminari threw his magazine at her.

“Stop bragging.”

And with that, Katsuki was done. “None of this shit is helpful,” he spat, “so if you’re just going to screw around then get the fuck out and do it somewhere else.”

That pressure in his chest returned full force, but fuck it. He could deal for a little while.

“Sorry dude, I just don’t know what to say to help. Kiri’s a real chill guy, and you’re one of his best friends. Maybe just... talk to him?” Kaminari sounded like he was pulling hard on the few brain cells he had left.

“Problem solved then asshole. Now get out. I mean it. I have shit to do that doesn’t involve you people.”

“Alright, alright, we’re going. See you later dude.”

“Cheer up Bakubro! It’ll all work out! Believe it!”

Kaminari and Ashido left with those remarks, but Midoriya still sat on the floor, looking at Bakugou contemplatively.

“Kacchan…” he said hesitantly, “I want to help you, but I’m not sure you’ll want to hear what I have to say.”

Chapter Text

Eventually, when Katsuki remained silent, Midoriya continued softly.

“You know, when Shouto and I started going out, I was really worried.” His eyes were unfocused, hands clasped loosely in his lap.

“It wasn’t that I didn’t like him—I liked him a lot, even back at the beginning—but I just… I was worried. Shouto hasn’t ever been good at expressing his emotions, and I’ve always been… Well. You know how I’ve always been. It’s not a real emotion unless I’m in tears, is it?” He chuckled, but it was nervous.

“So I was worried, I guess, that I was too emotional for him. Too open with my feelings. I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, pushing all of that in his face constantly. The only other guy I'd ever spent a lot of time with was you, and I knew that was different, but, well... I didn't want the same thing to happen with Shouto. I didn't want him to end up hating me like you did."

Katsuki held his tongue. They'd had that conversation already. He didn't hate Midoriya anymore, hadn't ever really, and Midoriya knew it. It wasn't worth interrupting the nerd now.

"That was only half of it though. The rest of it was...” Katsuki could practically hear Midoriya chewing on his bottom lip. “The rest was about Shouto. He was always so guarded, always stoic. He never let any emotion through to anyone, if he could help it.

And it was fine, most of the time, that Shouto had a hard time expressing his feelings… but it was only fine most of the time. Some of the time, I wanted him to try a little harder, for me. I wanted to be able to know, for sure, that he really cared—cared so much that he was willing to be vulnerable with me, in a way he wasn’t with anyone else.

Of course, he’d been vulnerable with me before—when he told me about his family, that was the most purposefully vulnerable I’d ever seen anybody, I think. But that was only one time. I worried about it being a fluke.” Midoriya sighed, running a hand through his unruly green curls and looking at his legs, which had sagged around him, splayed out in a preschooler's criss-cross.

“I knew that if our relationship was going to work, I’d need Shouto to be able to talk to me without all those barriers up. Not all the time. I would never ask him to be that vulnerable all the time. But sometimes, I knew I’d need it. Because without that, I wouldn’t be able to trust him completely. There would always be this imbalance, this lingering doubt. A voice in my mind that said ‘he’s only with you because it’s convenient’ or ‘you’re only here to spite his father’.”

That pushed Katsuki to speak.

“Bullshit.” His voice was uncharacteristically soft. “He loves you. Anyone with half a brain and eyes that work can tell.”

On the floor, Midoriya smiled gently.

“I know he does. I do. That doesn’t always stop my brain from being a little evil though, you know? People can’t help but feel insecure sometimes; and when that happens, they might need a little bit of help getting over it. Am I making sense?”

Katsuki glanced over to see Midoriya staring down at his hands, wrists limp in his lap, brows furrowed and lips loose as he studied his scars. He looked so serious, so pensive, that it made Katsuki’s shoulders relax. Midoriya was sharing something personal with him. There was a time when Katsuki would have laughed in his face, set off a few explosions, and punted useless Deku out of his dorm window, but that time had long since passed, and now… he felt comfortable enough, in the moment, to share something in return.

“Kirishima is always there when I need him.” He started, and stared intently at the ceiling, because he could feel Midoriya’s eyes on the side of his face. “He was there when I didn’t have a single friend in this school, and when I needed a partner during our first sports festival, and if it had been anyone but him that grabbed me from All for One…” There's no need to finish that thought. Midoriya already knew what could’ve happened, if Kirishima hadn’t been there when Katsuki needed him.

Katsuki heard Midoriya hum and shift around. “I think, Kacchan, that Kirishima and I have something in common. We’re both really emotional people, and while Kirishima doesn’t cry quite as much as I do,” Katsuki snorted—nobody cries as much as Midoriya Izuku—"I think he still needs to know, for sure, that his partner can open up for him. He needs to see a little vulnerability that no one else gets to see.”

It grated on Katsuki that Midoriya recognized how challenging this was for him… but knowing that it was challenging for Todoroki, too, even though the fucker had everything… that helped.

“Okay. That’s really all I wanted to say.” Midoriya’s voice was less quiet now, and more embarrassed. “I, um, I guess I’ll see you in class tomorrow?” He hopped up lightly, and when his hand reached the doorknob, Katsuki said something that he would deny until he turned blue and died of asphyxiation.

“Thanks, Izuku.”

He doesn’t look to see Midoriya smile as he leaves.

*****

It takes Katsuki an embarrassing amount of time to work up his nerve.

He spent a few days mulling things over, deciding what he needed to say and how he wanted to say it. The hardest part was getting up the drive to actually pull Kirishima aside. In the end, Sero put him out of his misery.

“Hey dude. Kirishima’s going for a run if you wanna catch him.” He said, nudging Katsuki and nodding toward the door where Kirishima was decked out in workout clothes and holding a water bottle. It was one of the only times Kirishima was alone, the social fucking butterfly, and Katsuki didn’t know why he hadn’t thought of that sooner.

Without a word to Sero, Katsuki took off after his red-headed friend, determined to get this over with. He still hadn’t figured out the right words exactly, but at least this time he was fairly sure he wouldn’t start yelling and exploding shit.

“Kirishima.” He called once he was outside, and his friend turned to smile at him. It made Katuski ache, because that smile wasn’t nearly as bright as it should’ve been. Kirishima shouldn’t ever have to look so nervous. Especially not around him.

“Bakugou.” He said, and then gestured down the path. “Did you wanna spar or something? I could go for that.”

He was giving Katsuki an out. The fact that it was so tempting aggravated Katsuki.

“I wanted to talk.” He was glowering. Shit. He shouldn’t be glowering.

Kirishima was looking at him weird. “Alright. Should we find a bench or?”

Katsuki nodded sharply and set off for a path that would take them through the few trees on UA’s campus. There’d be a bench somewhere around there. It’d be a good place to talk. About feelings.

Right. He was doing this.

Kirishima trailed after him as he found a spot. It wasn’t cold out yet, but it wasn’t quite warm either, and the bench was chilly when he sat down. There was a light breeze, and it made the inside of his nose cold. They could still see some buildings through the trees, but no people. No need for Katsuki to worry that he’d be overheard.

They sat awkwardly together for a moment, Katsuki staring straight ahead and Kirishima looking between him and his water bottle and the trees before laughing a little awkwardly.

“So… you gonna talk?”

Shit. Shit shit shitty fuck. Katsuki wasn’t prepared for this.

What had Deku said? I think that he still needs to know, for sure, that his partner can open up for him. He needs to see a little vulnerability that no one else gets to see.

A little vulnerability. Right. Easy.

“I really like you.” He said quietly, and nearly flinched at the tone he was using and how dumb that sounded.

Beside him, Kirishima sighed. “I know.”

The way he said it, though, it wasn’t like he knew. It was like he thought Katsuki had a crush. Or like he thought Katsuki didn't actually know what his own feelings were.

“Eijirou.” Katsuki tried again, and that got Kirishima’s attention. They used first names sometimes, but it was reserved for really important shit. And this was really important shit. “I really like you.” Katsuki’s eyes were fixed on Kirishima’s now, carefully taking in his expression, watching for any changes. “I’ve liked you for a long ass time. And I’m shit at talking about this, and I’m sorry I’m not better. But I need you to know that this shit is real. I’m not just crushing, like Ashido did on Kaminari for two seconds our first year. I love you.”

Kirishima’s face had frozen, eyes wide and mouth slightly slack. The tips of his pointed teeth peeked through his parted lips, and fuck if that wasn't adorable.

“I’m sorry I’m emotionally constipated. I’m sorry I yelled at you in the cafeteria the other day. I shouldn’t have done that. That’s not what you needed from me.” Katsuki took a deep breath. “I want you to know that I really love you. You’re strong, and caring, and your stupid ass jokes make me happy even if they’re aggravating sometimes. I love spending time with you. I could spend every day with you, and never get tired of having you around. And that’s a big fucking deal for me, because people are annoying as shit and I like time to myself.” Katsuki paused, waiting to see if Kirishima would say anything, but he didn’t make a sound and his expression was still frozen. So Katsuki he kept going, feeling like the words were starting to spill out of him. “I love how you’re always going around telling people how manly they are. You’re always lifting people up like that. It’s fucking admirable. I don’t think you know how much you help people, doing that. You’re a true motherfucking hero. You always have been. And I just… I want to stay with you. For as long as you’ll have me. If you’ll have me.” Katsuki was on a roll, slightly hysterical, and he was sure Kirishima could see the mild panic in his eyes, but he kept going. “I want to go on dates with you, and cuddle with you, and do all the sappy shit I’m sure you love. I want to take care of you when the villains get in a good hit, and meet your family, because they’re probably all rays of sunshine too and I’m sure I’d be lucky to know them.” He took a deep breath. “I love you, Eijirou. Would you go out with me?”

Still, Kirishima didn’t say anything. He just sat there, staring back at Katsuki, not saying one fucking word.

This was it then. Now Katsuki knew. His feelings weren’t returned. Shit.

Before the panic could fully take hold, Kirishima was throwing his arms around Katsuki and burying his face in his neck.

“Ibnlvwootoo…” He mumbled, and Katsuki could feel him trembling a little.

Katsuki’s brain had blurred white. He didn’t know where to put his hands. He probably looked like a freak, sitting there with his hands up, not sure if he should hug Kirishima back or just let him hang there.

“I have no idea what you just said.” He said into Kirishima’s hair, because he didn’t know what else to do.

Kirishima lifted his head, and he was crying, but he was smiling too, and it was as big and bright as it should always be. Immediately, Katsuki relaxed, bringing his arms around Kirishima, nestling his hands in his hair.

“I said I love you too.” Kirishima said, and then he leaned in.