Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Wake up little Susie….”

She wishes to wake from the nightmare she has been thrust into. The blade that penetrated the flesh of the cleaner was melded to her hands, the calluses of a ruthless leader forcing her grip shut on the hilt until it bruises into her palm. The whispers of the pack egged her on as the throat glistened bright with fresh droplets and sunk below the floor. The man was not coughing, spluttering, he was already dead beneath her body. She thought about her father, working hard by himself at home, trying to clean up the mess her mother made when she abandoned them years ago. Each night she stayed out later and later, each time she came home he would be waiting, each time expecting her not to come back. “Be true to yourself” were the words he would whisper in the night when he thought she was asleep, after coming home with settling bruises across her tanned skin.
She’d held the knife up to her arm like a cycle. She would press the blade against her skin, feel the edge like a pressure, but never cut the cells. She would place the blade back down, put her headphones in, and listen to her mixtape instead. Others hurt her enough without her hurting herself. When she met the other three, it was like taking a breath of air for the first time. She was a loner, screaming into the silence of the bubble her classmates had set her in. Aside from Julie, an outcast like her who would rear her friendly head into her door once in a while. The others walked around her like an active restraining order until the enemy dared break lines. Then they would try to break arms. When Frank stood up for her, it was out of the blue. He obviously didn’t belong. He was older, more rugged, a tattoo etched into the crevices of his hardened skin. Susie knew of him from Julie, who whispered in her hair about the mysterious new hunk in town. He put the enemy down with equal if not more brutal force. When they were on the ground weeping, he yelled at her until she kicked them in the ribs. He cursed profanities into her ear about how she needed to show them that if they knew what was good for them, they would not get up again. She remembered the bitter salt on her tongue from tears of validation, the high, release, as she repeatedly imprinted her converse into their bones.

“Wake up little Susie….”

She stopped coming home with bruises. She stopped the cycle of putting her knife against her skin. She stopped screaming into the silence. She screamed into the voices of her comrades, committing petty crimes in the shadow of the night. She wore a pin, The Legion, on her jacket. When her dad questioned her, she said it was a new band. Even if Frank was abrasive and borderline abusive with how he treated them, his attention was enough to keep her there. Shackled to the promise of a new family. A family without an idle father that was too busy trying to keep their finances above water to notice how deeply his daughter had fallen. A family where no one was going to leave, there were no take backs, there were no outs. When Joe was fired, it was all a plot for some childish revenge, blow off some steam. No one was supposed to be there. No one was supposed to get hurt. Why was that stupid fuck there? Why did he touch Julie? No one touches Frank’s girl. What used to be graffiti, vandalism, and the occasional beat down for some well deserved payback, was now murder. She didn’t want to do it. She doesn’t remember getting on her knees. She doesn’t remember the knife getting into her hand. She remembers Frank screaming. He was always screaming. Screaming in her ear as he held the knife in her frozen fingers. A violent leader with violent teachings. His bloody hands tainted her, burned the lust into her, forced her body to go through with the movement. It was loud, and all she could see was red through her tears, contaminating the body with the evidence that she existed.

“Wake up…”

…

Susie’s eyes opened to the fog. It streamed around her like a sauna until it dissipated to a light mist. She was on her back in the woods, staring up at the dark patches of trees. She sat up, clinging to her damp jacket as she looked around. She felt her face, her mask was gone. There was a chilling silence in the dark, she could feel her teammates in the back of her mind, clouded and far away from her. Frank was screaming her name, they were looking for her.

“Are you ok?” The meek voice snapped her out of her daze, looking to her right as she sat up. A nervous man was fidgeting in the opening of the woods, his fingers fiddling with each other as he looked to her. His glasses trembled on the bridge of his nose, showing he was shaking in the chill of the night. Susie pulled her hood further over h face, her hair tickling her nose as she side eyed the man. He approached her slowly before holding out his hand to her. She stared at it a moment, not used to someone talking to her so gently. She pulled her knees up and took his hand, anxiety busting in her own chest as he helps her to stand. A voice she doesn’t understand is whispering in her skull, distorting her own thought process as she tries to remain focused on the man. “I’m Dwight.” He tried, shaking her hand that he is still holding. She clears her throat and takes her hand back cautiously.

“Susie…” she almost whispered, her voice not coming strong under the pressure of speaking to someone new. Her makeup was dark, her hair was loud, and her clothes screeched for her to be left alone. Not many people had the guts to approach her, let alone talk to her like this. It was like the bubble she was used to being centered in was popping. Dwight smiled at her encouragingly as she answered him, flashing bright and comforting in the night. Susie felt her cheeks heat up and her gaze drifted downward as her hands clasped at each other under the sleeves of her sweater.

“Nice to meet you Susie.” Dwight continued. He looked over his shoulder from where he had come, a trail evident on the ground that he had followed to this spot. While he was distracted, Susie slipped her hand into her jacket pocket, her fingers brushing over the hilt of a knife. The realization sent a jolt of fear up her spine, the voice inside of her head growling louder but no matter the volume, she couldn’t make out the words.

“Where am I?” Susie decided to speak up, trying to distract herself. Dwight looked back at her as she pressed for information.

“Um… that might be hard to explain. How about I tell you on our way to the fire? My friends are waiting for us there.” Dwight urged her to follow him with a gesture of his hand. He started down the path, pausing briefly to make sure she was following him. Susie looked around her one last time in the clearing, not sure if she was imagining Frank’s voice calling her name. Dwight didn’t seem to hear him, so she let out a defeated sigh and opted to follow him. At least a fire would be warm.

As they walked along the trail, Susie could hear the rustle of the bushes and trees behind her. She peeked over her shoulder to see what the commotion was, noticing the forest visibly change as it covered over the path they had been walking. When she stopped, the forest stopped moving, only swallowing the path they had already trudged along. Dwight also stopped, looking back at her as she assessed the situation, not sure what to think. “It… it does that. The landscape changes a lot here.” Dwight sounded almost like he was apologizing. Susie blinked, hand gripping harder to the hilt of the blade hidden in her pocket and then goes back to follow Dwight.

“You say that like this place is alive.” Susie mutters. Dwight laughs in response to that, but the laugh doesn’t sound very genuine.

“Well, it kinda is. We aren’t exactly in a normal place.” Dwight affirmed, his hand coming up so he can bite at his nails. “Welcome to the Entity’s realm.” The growling in Susie’s head almost sounds like laughing as Dwight names the place. Susie racks her brain for what the hell was going on. The only thing she can remember is The Legion burying the body of the man they had killed. Then a fog, and she woke up here. “You might want to save your questions for the end, cause it’s going to get a lot weirder.” Dwight suggests.

“Who are you?” Susie snaps, her eyes traveling over the man’s back as he walks.

“I told you. I’m Dwight. Dwight Fairfield. I'm… a leader? Sorta. I guess.” The end of the statement is not very confident and Susie raises an eyebrow as she considered that. Frank was clearly their leader. He barked orders, took names, and he meant business. But this man wasn’t even sure if he was one. The difference was night and day. She also couldn’t help but wonder who would even follow the timid man. “I’m a survivor.”

“A survivor?” Susie repeated out loud, letting it roll of her tongue with some distaste.

“Yeah… I suppose you are one too now. See in the Entity’s realm, you are forced to go through trials. Four survivors against one killer.” Dwight described. The laughing grew more grotesque in Susie’s head at the mention of a killer, the flashes of the blood spewing from the man’s throat returning. She shuddered, feeling nauseated as she kept following. “The job of the survivors is to outlast the killer and escape by doing enough gens to open the exit gates. Most of us have a specific purpose. You’ll meet the rest and see what I mean. We have healers, runners, and I was given the role of leader.” Dwight says the word leader like he’s choking on a curse word. It’s always uncertain.

“This sounds pretty far fetched.” Susie admits as she listens, but judging by the things she has seen and is hearing so far, she isn’t so sure she’s ready to doubt them yet.

“Yeah… no one really believes it when they first get here. Generally that goes away though after the first trial and…” Dwight trailed off, looking sadly at his shoes as he keeps moving forward.

“And?” Susie encouraged, speeding up her pace so that she is now walking beside him.

“You die for the first time. You never forget it but then you wake up like it never happened.” Dwight relented, looking over at her. Susie imagined what it would feel like to be the cleaner. To have four teenagers stab you, like it was a hazing ritual. Her mind recalled images of holding the knife up to her skin, but she shut them down with a barely suppressed growl in the back of her throat.

“Sounds shitty.” she settled on. Dwight let out another nervous chuckle.

“That's… an understatement.” he nods. The walk in a pregnant silence, letting their footfalls and the transformation of the forest be the only noise following them. Susie bit her bottom lip, wondering if she should ask Dwight about the growling, or even if he could hear Frank. Maybe Dwight could help her find her friends. As she pondered this, the darkness broke into dim light as they exited the thick of the woods. Susie anxiously looked up, seeing a large fire in the middle of a clearing. Dwight took a few more steps toward it, but Susie stayed still as a statue. She could see the figures of people, sitting, talking, hanging out.

“Hey, Dwight’s back. Looks like it’s a girl” A girl with ginger braids called to the others, standing by the fire. The other people turned their attention towards Susie and Dwight, their eyes boring into the new girl. Susie felt herself shrinking within herself under the attention, not expecting so many people to be here. The growling grew angry, pushing painfully on her brain until she had a splitting headache, her fingertips pressing harder into the knife’s hilt in her pocket. Dwight smiled and waved at the others, looking to Susie.

“Well, let’s go and meet everyone.” Dwight gently said, holding out his hand to her again. She stared at his dirty palm, her mind being pulled by the angry chorus in her head.

“I- I don’t want to.” she stammered, almost breathless. Dwight frowned, her expression turning to concern. He moved closer to her, trying to figure out how to comfort her.

“They are all pretty nice. I’m sure you will all get along fine.” He cooed gently. At the holdup, there was some whispered conversation by the fire, all of them trying to figure out what was going on. The redhead from earlier made the bold decision to come over to them, her hands in her jacket pockets.

“Is something wrong?” she asked, her eyes on Dwight instead of Susie.

“I think she’s shy.” Dwight answered her. “Hey, Susie, this is Meg.” Dwight pointed to the athletic girl with that same smile on his lips. Susie’s eyes flickered between the two anxiously, Frank’s voice joining in the confusion of her head.

“Hi Susie.” Meg waved with a friendly smile. Susie didn’t return the smile, her gaze clearly unfocused as she looked around frantically, trying to pinpoint where all the noise was coming from. “Dwight, seriously, is she ok?” Meg’s voice was distant as she talked to the man.

“I… I don't know? Remember it was a lot for us too when we got here. Maybe she’s having a panic attack?” Dwight was stammering, starting to fidget again as he hashed it out with Meg on what to do.

“Let’s take her to Claudette. She knows how to handle stuff like this.” Meg suggested, snapping her fingers to try and get Susie’s attention again. Once she had it, Meg spoke slow and gentle. “Hey… let’s go to the fire and one of our friends is going to help you. It’s going to be ok. Take deep breaths.” Susie’s expression turned from one of confusion to anger as she stared down the redhead.

“I can’t.” Susie firmly stated, her feet planted where she stood and hands stuck inside her pockets. Susie willed her legs to move towards the warmth of the campfire, but her body refused. Everytime she tried a sharp pain would go through her mind and the growling would become unbearably loud. Instead her feet were solid on the ground, as if out of her control. She could move backwards, but she could not move forwards.

“Yes, you can. Here I’ll breathe with you, and we can take a few steps, you’ll warm up by the fire-”

“No, I physically can’t move.” Susie cut her off with a stern look. Meg’s jaw clamped shut as she thought about that, before her eyes widened in understanding.

“Dwight come here.” Meg suddenly reached towards the man with urgency in her tone. Dwight looked at Meg in surprise before looking back at Susie.

“B-But I thought we were….” he trailed off as his eyes found Meg again.

“Come here.” Meg was fierce, the fire illuminating her form as she stood tall, an offensive force to the darkness that was threatening to swallow Susie up. The bubble was shimmering around her, the familiar feeling of being outcasted clouding back into her thoughts. Meg was looking at her the way they used to. Like she was a creature, something foul, not a comrade. Dwight hesitated a moment longer before going over to Meg’s side. There was a split, her versus them. The other survivors were starting to get more curious, a few straggling closer to the situation.

“What’s wrong Meg?” A tired looking guy flanked the other two.

“She can’t come to the fire.” Meg reiterated what Susie told her. The exhausted man nodded his head as if understanding while Dwight was still spluttering in his perplexed state. They were crowding around her, threatening her space. Susie took a few steps back towards the woods, ducking her head down to get away form their accusatory looks.

“I don’t get what’s wrong Meg-”

“Think about it Dwight!” Meg snapped, cutting him off. “Who in this realm can’t come and sit by the fire?” Dwight took a moment before he understood, getting quiet.

“Killers.”

The word fell in to the silence like a bomb, making everyone still. Not a breath was heard as everyone glared at Susie. The growling had quieted in her skull and she couldn’t hear Frank anymore. She reeled through the information that Dwight had told her. The trials consisted of four survivors and one killer. Apparently her category was confused.
“No…” her voice was fragile as she forced it from her body, looking up at all of them. Her body shook with fear, they know what she did. “No, I didn’t….” Her hands escaped her pockets to hold tightly to her hair. “I didn’t mean to!” she cried out, looking at all of their faces. None looked swayed aside from Dwight, their expressions either stoic, angry, or pity. “I was forced…. I didn’t want to!” she kept trying to plead, feeling the thick liquid of blood on her hands like a phantom, the violent aggression flooding in her limbs. “I didn’t want to do it!” she screamed.

A large, calloused hand emerged from the darkness and clasped itself down on the frantic girl’s shoulder. Frank emerged with his mask over his face, head turned towards the disgruntled group of people. Susie peered around at him, her eyes watering with tears. “Susie…” he spoke, hand trailing from her shoulder and to her jacket pocket. “You’ve been pretty naughty haven’t you?” His tone was dripping with amusement as he slipped the knife from her pocket. The whole group tensed, most moving back towards the safety of the fire. Meg stood tall with Dwight on the offensive, staring down the newcomers. Susie sniffled as she looked at the blade then back to Dwight. The leader’s face was twisted into betrayal, looking at her sadly. Frank grabbed her wrist and forced the hilt into her palm, before aggressively shoving her hand back down. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you.” there was a growl to his voice as his large hand gripped at the back of her neck. She whimpered and bent forward at the harsh treatment.

“You may be new here, but you have to abide by the rules too.” Meg interrupted, her hands going to her hips. “Killers can’t come to the survivor campfire, and killers aren’t allowed to kill survivors outside of trials. So take her and just go.” she established. Frank laughed as his masked turned in Meg’s direction, letting go of Susie. He took a step forward, body moving like he meant to approach her but was suddenly stopped, stuck just like Susie was.

“Aren’t you a firecracker? I like that.” he chuckled, looking her up and down. “I look forward to killing you.” Meg’s expression didn’t change as he spoke, rolling her eyes as if she was bored.

“All you killers say the same thing. Get some new material before showing up here.” she dismissed. She grabbed Dwight by the collar to drag him back towards the fire, already done with the display happening. Dwight resisted the hold at first before sighing and following her, looking over his shoulder still at Susie. Frank kept his head turned after them until they were back at the fire. After that, he turned away to head back in the woods, grabbing Susie’s jacket to drag her in tow.

“I hope you’re fucking pleased with yourself, having me clamber my ass all the way out here to get you. I know you heard me calling you!” Frank scolded with fury in his voice as he keeps pulling her along. “Julie was whining, ‘where’s Susie, we gotta find Susie’!” He pitched his voice in order to mock her friend, and she could all but hear the eyeroll. “So much fucking bitching. Well now I have you, and we are going to learn whatever the fuck is going on together.” Susie kept quiet, thinking about Dwight and how she was not looking forward to whatever was going to happen from now on. Frank noted her silence before reaching into his bag and slamming her mask into her chest. “And for fuck’s sake, put this on! We’re still a group you know. I didn’t meant to do it… Don’t act so innocent. We are in it all together. Now fucking man up and get serious.” Frank shook his head as he stomped onto a new trail. Susie trailed behind him, her fingers grazing over the front of her mask before she gently secured it into place. She followed at a more brisk pace as he lead her to the killer’s camp, her heart beating heavily in her chest.

“You’re right sir. I’m sorry.” She mechanically answered.

…

“I just want to wake up.”