Chapter Text
You didn’t have to be alone to feel lonely. David could be constantly surrounded by all of his friends whether it be at a party, a gathering, a hangout. He was miserable. He could get all the attention in the world and yet that wasn’t what it was about, it was about them understanding. Understanding that he wasn’t happy. He wasn’t doing well.
David had plenty of things. An expensive car, an expensive house, an expensive phone, and expensive friends even. He could have everything in the entire universe and would still find himself lonely and depressed.
It was unusual for David to be less of “himself”. His friends noticed the smiles that didn’t last long or didn’t quite amount to anything. They noticed how he wore the same clothes multiple days in a row or how he had skipped a few meals saying he wasn’t hungry, and he really wasn’t.
“I’m sick.”
The same mantra repeating itself. The same reply to everyone really. He was sick, but not physically. More so, mentally and emotionally which took a toll on his physical appearance and health.
It was one night when he had been using advil pm’s and any drug you could find at a store with a label of “pm” after it that he had realized he had already developed a tolerance and that he could no longer find solace in such things. It took a few hours to sleep after that.
One day, when he was around his friends, putting up an act for the vlog, when he had finished his grin immediately wore off and he lowered his infamous black cap downwards. It was abrupt but David decided to review the footage and then leave, saying he had already gotten what he needed and that he had forgotten something at his house. That was a lie.
He found himself lying more to others. A simple “I’ve eaten.” Or “I’m just tired.” Were his favorite excuses. Ones that he didn’t feel guilty about at all, he knew they were just worried.
He loved food, he really did, the many many mukbang’s proved that. But nowadays he couldn’t stomach anything, it just wasn’t possible. And one day while David declined going out with friends to eat one of his spoke up commenting about his lack of appetite. He wanted them to stop talking about it, but he carried on smiling and dismissing the subject.
Then, people had noticed when he took the lie detector test for Vogue, that when answering the question “Are you happy?” The graph spiked. Not many commented about it, but enough did where it was a hashtag.
He felt overwhelmed and tired. He wanted everything to just stop. He wanted some peace, and even then he couldn’t find that when he woke up from a nightmare one afternoon. He couldn’t even enjoy a nap properly.
Of course, since his friends were over during his nap and had witnessed his thrashing and small whimpers in his sleep, they checked up on him.
“Cub, are you alright?” Josh spoke, settling down next to the spot on the couch where David was. Josh had noticed the tears pooling in David’s hazel eyes. “Y-yeah, I’m fine.” That was a lie. When would he stop lying he thought. Josh knew he wasn’t “fine”.
“You want to talk about it?” A few people here and there looked over at David and in that moment he felt trapped. So, he took out his phone and texted his childhood idol,
“I want to talk about it, but not with everyone around.”
Ding.
Josh’s phone let out a small noise and he read the text quietly to himself. Afterwards he gave David a look and showed everyone out of the room for the time being.
“I haven’t felt good for months, a-and I keep getting this recurring dream where I’m sitting alone in the dark and then suddenly I’m surrounded by everyone saying all these things.” The way David had told it was putting it was too lightly, and Josh noticed it by the way David played with his hoodie. “What kinds of things?” He ushered
David took a moment to collect himself and ponder whether he should speak or forever hold his silence. “My insecurities. They tell me how I’m not good enough and that I should stop trying. And sometimes I give in.” David finishes, wiping a few puddles off of his face. Josh leans into David and wraps his arms gently around him, doing so like he was in the presence of a child. Fragile. That was how David felt, and he didn’t appreciate his friends walking on eggshells around him.
“I’m sorry,” he tutted. “I’m sorry for bothering you.”
Josh chuckled softly, “You are never a bother David. These bad dreams you’re having aren’t real, all your insecurities may mean a lot to you, but I can promise you that people think you’re good enough and that you should never stop being you.” Small talks. Little pep talks. David smiles, yawning and retreating back to his blanket.
“Here,” Josh motions to his lap, “you can take a nap on me. Max always calms down when he sleeps on my legs.”
David pauses, thinking for a second before giving into temptations. It’s nice. Having contact with another person who knows that he’s struggling is really nice he thinks as he drifts off into what would be a peaceful nap.