Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

{Aizawa has created Class 1-A GC}

{Aizawa has added DIEnamite, TrueKakashi, TheHamburglerBut30, and 18 others}

Aizawa: Alright, before Blood King attempts to throw me in a shallow grave

Aizawa: Shinshou and Monoma, Welcome to Class-1A

Aizawa: Don't fucking break it

{Aizawa Has Logged off}

DIEnamite: WHAT IN FUCKS HOLY NAME

CrocsAreValid: Amen

Newton'sAHoe: Oh! please tell me this means Mineta is expelled!

KermitKin: Or dead 

KermitKin: We have no preference

ThorKin: OOF

JustDissapointed: TSUYU

DIEnamite:  Fuck off Glasses we all thought it, Kermit is just the one who said it first.

DesignatedDecorater: RT Bakugou

KermitKin: I feel strangely validated rn

CrocsAreValid: That happens when Bakubro actually agrees with someone

ThorKin: It's true

ThorKin: when he said my essay on Romeo and Juliet had an okay thesis I ascended to another plane of existence

90'sLavaLamp: The same thing happened to me 

90'sLavaLamp: Bakugou said I used the least eye-offending Eyeliner in the dorm, I found Nirvana

DIEnamite: FUCK OFF YA HEATHENS, WE NEED TO INTERROGATE THE NEW SHITS

DIEnamite: Is the purple shit stain gone for fucking good?

TheHamburglerBut30: yes

TheHamburglerBut30: I'm your replacement purple bitch

TheHamburglerBut30: This version drinks respect women juice daily 

ThorKin: HELL YESSSSSSSSSS!

ThorKin: MAJOR UPGRADE!

90'sLavaLamp: OHHH ( ͡⚆ ͜ʖ ͡⚆)

ThorKin: Wh-What

ThorKin: What The Fuck is that?

Newton'sAHoe: I fear no man 

Newton'sAHoe: But that

Newton'sAHoe: That scares me

DIEnamite; Whatever the fuck it is

DIEnamite: PUT IT BACK

DIEnamite: We're not done with Truth or Torture yet

TheHamburglerBut30:........I am afraid

TheHamburglerBut30: But also intrigued

CrocsAreValid: That's good! That means you'll survive!

TheMid2000's: That's good! That means you'll survive!

TheMid2000's: Holy Shit Kiri

DesignatedDecorater: It's a Bakusquad thing don't worry!

TheMid2000's: I Worry

TheMid2000's: I worry A LOT!

ThorKin: Anway, torture aside! We still need to interrogate Monoma 

TheMid2000's: Torture Aside

TheMid2000's: I'm texting Momo she has to look at this shit

ThorKin: So Monoma how come you got transferred too?

DIEnamite: Yeah you walking meme

DIEnamite: I thought you hated ALL OUR FUCKING ASSES 

TrueKakashi: I 

TrueKakashi: I didn't know this was happening

TrueKakashi: Eraserhead just straight up propelled to my window with his capture weapon

TrueKakashi: Grabbed me, and yeeted me into a room near the French dude

{TraumatizedPepperment has logged on}

TraumatizedPepperment: You survived an alien abduction

TraumatizedPepperment: come see me at a reasonable hour 

TraumatizedPepperment: And we Will find out why

{TraumatizedPepperment has logged off}

ThorKin: AghskhxjajkakhakhsklahsalkjsklLKSAHKLkhl

TheMid2000's: He logged on, JuSt FoR tHaT?! 

DIEnamite: GODDAMNIT ITS THE RETURN OF THEORYOKI

TheHamburglerBut30: Theoryoki?

90'sLavaLamp: Conspiracy Theorist Todoroki= Theoryoki

TrueKakashi:  I feel

TrueKakashi: Threatened

DesignatedDecorater: You've survived

DesignatedDecorater: That's all that matters

DIEnamite: Alright Motherfucker, You're traumatized and are fucking useless to us right now

DIEnamite: We finish Talk or Torture at breakfast

DIEnamite: But fucking first

DIEnamite: @Aizawa

DIEnamite: WHY FOUR FUCKING THIRTY!

{Aizawa Has Logged On}

Aizawa: It's easier to kidnap someone in the early morning

Aizawa: Cause the don't expect it 

DIEnamite: Understandable 

{Aizawa Has Logged Off}

TheMid2000's: BHAKSHAJKAHSBSAN WHAT TEH FUCK

DIEnamite: I respect violence Aux Cord

{TheMid2000's Has Logged Off}

TheHamburglerBut30: I love this fucking class already

ThoKin: And we love you! you should Join the Bakusquad dude

ThorKin: You'd fit in immediately bro

TheHamburglerBut30: You're in the squad right?

Thorkin:..... Yes

TheHamburglerBut30: Alright, ill join

TheHamburglerBut30: Where's the paperwork?

ThorKin: !!!!!!!

90'sLavaLamp: ( ͡⚆ ͜ʖ ͡⚆)

ThorKin: S T O P. YO. S E L F 

DIEnamite: Or we go on fucking strike Pinky

DIEnamite: I'll withhold Mina cookies

90'sLavaLamp: ILL STOP ILL STOP ILL STOP

DIEnamite: Thank Fuck

DIEnamite: Purple Troll Doll, you'll get the damn paperwork in the morning

DIEnamite: You got a soul for the down payment?

TheHamburglerBut30: I'm sure I can find it before tomorrow 

DIEnamite: .......Fucking Mood 

DIEnamite:

DIEnamite: I approve

Chapter Text

8:30 AM

{DIEnamite and 20 others have logged on}

DIEnamite: Alright fuckers now that it isn't the ass crack of dawn

DIEnamite: It's time to continue Truth or Torture

ThorKin: let the game begin

90'sLavaLamp: OOF

DIEnamite: it seems Pikachu here is in a Jigsaw mood

DIEnamite: So

DIEnmite: Id suggest answering us :) 

PumpkinKing: I don't know if I'm afraid

PumpkinKing: Or just impressed

DesignatedDecorater: Both is good

CrocsAreValid: So @TrueKakashi where you at?

TrueKakashi: Fucking hiding FROM THE DAMMED THEORYOKI 

ThorKin: Holy Shit, Rest in Pieces Man

ThorKin: Did you run into him getting breakfast?

TrueKakashi: No

TrueKakashi: The fucker was waiting for me

TrueKakashi: So now I'm hiding in the one place the asshole wouldn't go

KermitKin: Which is?

TrueKakashi: Aoyama's room

Newton'sAHoe:?

TheMid2000's:?

TrueKakashi: It's too cheerful 

TrueKakashi: His emo fucking ass would die immediately 

TheMid2000's: HOLy 

CrocsAreValid: OOF

CrocsAreValid: He's not even replying and you've already killed him

DIEnamite:.......

DIEnamite: We're keeping you

TrueKakashi: E-Excuse me?

TheMid2000's: What   The   Fuck

Croc'sAreValid: Bro you've been chosen for the Bakusquad!

DIEnamite: Shittyhair is right, you're fucking staying with us

DIEnamite: The Troll Doll will help you with the paperwork

TheHamburglerBut30: Surprisingly the process is very quick

TrueKakashi: But

TrueKakashi: You don't even know if I'm actually staying in your damn class 

CrocsAreValid: So what if you aren't? We'll still be friends bro!

TrueKakashi:......

TrueKakashi: @DIEnamite Why do I feel so enlightened?

DIEnamite: Yeah, ShittyHair has that effect

ThorKin: His kindness is very powerful

DesignatedDecorater: It can end wars

90'sLavaLamp: And start them!

CrocsAreValid: GUYSSSS

CrocsAreValid: STOP IM CRYING ON MY TOAST

TrueKakashi: Wish that was me

TrueKakashi: I'm  crying  from  pure  fear  

KermitKin: Why Manoma-san?

TrueKakashi: CAUSE THEORYOKI SAW MY MESSAGE. I CAN FUCKING HEAR HIM SPRINTING TO MY LOCATION

Newton'sAHoe: OOF, you're dead

JustDissapointed: Urakara

Newton'sAHoe: It's true and you know it

CrocsAreValid: Someone distract Todoroki! Il snatch you from Aoyama's room while they do bro!

TrueKakashi: FUCKING SUPERB, PLEASE HURRY 

PumpkinKing: Hmmmmmm I shall assist 

PumpkinKing: @TraumatizedPeppermint Don't you think Shinshou looks a lot like Aizawa sensei?

{TraumatizedPeppermint has logged on}

TraumatizedPeppermint: With Midoriya's notes on both their quirks and a general character study 

TraumatizedPeppermint: I can say that there is a 92% that he is a secret love child

{GreenCareBear has logged on}

GreenCareBear: Todoroki, we have talked about this!

GreenCareBear: No More Secret Love Children

TraumatizedPeppermint: I recognize the council has made a decision

TraumatizedPeppermint: but given that it’s a stupid-ass decision, I’ve elected to ignore it.

DIEnamite: You fucking killed Deku

DIEnamite: I'm cackling

DesignatedDecorater: It's true, and it is 

DesignatedDecorater: Disturbing

CrocsAreValid: Come to the common room! I've rescued ManamoBro and The Bee Movie is on!

CrocsAreValid:......

CrocsAreValid: Sero how did you get here so quick man?

DesignatedDecorater: Determination 

The1TailedBeast: _Sudden Undertale Flashbacks_

ThePumpkinKing: RIP you furry 

BillNye: Oh dear

The1TailedBeast: I could Kill you with a single G note on a piano don't @me

TheMid2000's: OOF 

ThePumpkinKing: Now I just feel attacked  

90'sLavaLamp: Are we all just sleeping on the fact that Todoroki just murdered Deku

90'sLavaLamp: With a fucking Avengers quote

TheMid2000's: I was shook too

TheMid2000's: I thought he was culturally stunted

ThorKin: He hasn't watched Snow White or any Disney movies

ThorKin: He's culturally traumatized Jirou

TheMid2000's: Then how the fuck does he know the Avengers?!!

 TraumatizedPeppermint: Bakugou made me watch it when Kaminari changed his username to ThorKin

{TheSun has logged on}

TheSun: OH ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

ThorKin:O h 

ThorKin: NO

TheSun: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

ThorKin: D E S I S T 

{TheHamburglerBut30 has logged on}

TheHamburglerBut30: Aizawa sensei is online again

TraumatizedPeppermint: Sounds like something a secret love child would say

TheGreenCareBear: S T O P

ThorKin:!!!!

ThorKin: @Aizawa Why'd we get two new siblings father?

TheMid2000's: Pretty sure you don't think about sibling like you do Shinshou

ThorKin: W̸̖͔͖͙̥̞͍̤̖̱̞̝͙͒̍̾͝ḩ̴̨̢̻̹͙͚͓̗̝͓͙̾̃̑͜ȃ̷̟͓͔̲̭̼́̚t̴̢̘͖̗̲̻͉̬̺̟̰̱̳̯̺̾'̸̡̡̩͙͆̂̏̏̋̾̕͘ḑ̴̤̤̳̥̤̤̟̝̘̖͕̦̳͔̂͌́ ̶̪̭̺̠͈̣̟̈́̈͑̑͌̀̅̒̆͂̚y̷̰̌͛͗́̃ö̷̘̳͇̞̩̖̼̱́͆u̸̢͖͔̼͍̦̠̯̬̳͑̈́̊̔̽͌̍͌̎̋͜͜͝ͅ ̶̜̰͇̖͙̅̈́̓̚͠͝ş̶̧̳͖̟̟̖͉̱̞̻̪̠͑̄̿͂̚a̷̯̼̲̙̣̩͎̓͂̔̉̈́̑͛̈́̂̽͐̽͌͜ỷ̵͚J̷̢̪̠̬͈̈́͛̀̆͂̽̔ȉ̶̢̝̮̹̼͍̠̣̏̂̍̄̇͘͜͠r̴̤̼͉̩̹͚̮̝̔̌̔̚ǫ̶̦̺͎̠̯͍͇̩̦͇̼̫̫̔͐̈́̅͆̎͗͘͝ũ̶̡̢̦͈̹͍̳̉̀̒͐̓̈́̾̈́̽̈́͑͠ ̵̢̨̧̱͔̼̝̹̮̼̭̜̪̆̇͋̌͊:̶̧̗͈̪̰͕̙̫̯̎̉̽̓͑̑͋̍̏̊̄͘͜͠ͅ)̶̛̘̭̈́̈̂̊̍̓̇̇̒̊̃̏͠͝

TheMid2000's: NOTHING PLEASE DONT SKIN ME

TheMid2000's: Like FUCK Kami

ThorKin: :) 

{Aizawa has logged on}

Aizawa: Stop lowering the damn veil Kaminari, it's fragile enough thanks to Dark Shadow

ThorKin: Alright dad

Aizawa:........You're on thin fucking ice

ThorKin:!!!

Aizawa: Anyway, @DIEnamite come online, the Truth or Torture session is canceled 

{DIEnamite has logged on}

DIEnamite: Well there goes my fucking Saturday

Aizawa: I aim to please

Aizawa: Alright, so as you all know Mineta was expelled yesterday

HaveUSeenMe: Praise Cthuhlu 

Aizawa: Amen.

Aizawa: As I was saying, Mineta was finally expelled and so we had a vacant purple spot:  Nedzu and I have been thinking about Shinshou for a while so we chose him. 

Aizawa: We also had a spot open for me to chose a student from the sports festival, I picked Manoma and then kidnapped him.

Aizawa: Because Blood King was pissed that Nedzu was giving me one of his kids, and he would not let me just walk out with him

DIEnamite: So you fucking stole him

Aizawa: Yes, yes I did

DIEnamite:...Nice

TrueKakashi: But why did you chose me sensei?

Aizawa: Because you are determined, intelligent, and ambitious.

Aizawa: Do I need any other reasons?

TrueKakashi: aaagaASDSDGJFVHKKYTBTDTFJNHBHVNFGNM,

Aizawa:.......

Aizawa: @CrocsAreValid Do I want to know?

CrocsAreValid: He started to get flustered when you complimented him!

CrocsAreValid: Right now he's face down on the carpet screeching!

TheSun: Oh mon Dieu! I can hear it, the poor dear!

TheSun: Oh he's stopped?

DesignatedDecorater: Yeah he did. Right now he's just whispering " Father has chosen me"

{ThorKin has set Aizawa's nickname to AccidentalFather}

90'sLavaLamp: Oh God 

90'sLavaLamp: The Accuracy

AccidentalFather:.....

AccidentalFather: I'm not father material

{LivingSoundSystem has entered the chat}

LivingSoundSystem: Pure lies and slander

{LivingSoundSystem has exited the chat}

ThorKin: WHAT THE FUCK

90'sLavaLamp: HE CAN DO THAT 

TheHamburglerBut30: No place is safe from Present Mic

AccidentalFather: Hizashi you funky fucking Weasel 

AccidentalFather: Now they're paranoid

TraumatizedPeppermint: I'm always paranoid

AccidentalFather: I know

{AccidentalFather has logged off}

TraumatizedPeppermint: ......So

TraumatizedPeppermint: Hizashi huh?

TheSun: OH ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

90'SLavaLamp: OH ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

HaveUSeenMe: OH ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Newton'sAHoe: OH ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

DIEnamite: Oh God No

Chapter Text

5:30 PM

{ThorKin and 20 others have logged on}

ThorKin: Can we just thank Kirishima for all our fucking lives?

DesignatedDecorater: Y E S

DesignatedDecorater: Yes we can 

CrocsAreValid: GUYS NO!!

90'sLavaLamp:  GUYS YES

TheHamburglerBut30: Your sacrifice should be acknowledged by all

TrueKakashi: Personally

TrueKakashi: You're getting my future first-born child for your actions

CrocsAreValid: Noooo ManomaBro stop!!

TrueKakashi: Too fucking late

TrueKakashi: My lawyer already has the guardianship papers drawn up

CrocsAreValid: BRO

DIEnamite: Shitty hair shut the fuck up!

DIEnamite: You got Todoroki to watch eight fucking Disney movies

DIEnamite: Which stopped him from eating CopyCat's godforsaken soul

DIEnamite: And from playing matchmaker with our fucking T E A C H E R S 

DIEnamite: WE ARE FUCKING THANKING YOU, YOU SHIT!

CrocsAreValid: ............

ThorKin: Sero is that Kirishima in the kitchen?

DesignatedDecorater: The muffled screaming?

DesignatedDecorater: Yes.

DIEnamite: How the fuck is it being muffled?

DIEnamite: The softest fucking thing in there is Kaminari's chocolate marshmallows

ThorKin: sent PNG-NotTheOnlySoftthing-

ThorKin: Sero is actually the softest thing in the kitchen Bakugou

90'sLavaLamp: Awww! Sero, you're like Kiri's own personal pillow!

TheHamburglerBut30: It's so cute, so pure

TrueKakashi: I can feel the cavities setting in just by looking at that picture

PumpkinKing: My cold dead heart 

PumpkinKing: It beats yet again, a feat I thought impossible

The1TailedBeast: Calm the fuck down EdgeLord 

PumpkinKing: I think the fuck not, Ojirou you damned weeb

PumpkinKing:Ă̶̯͈̈́̈͛̒̒͋̈̕͝͠f̸̢̨̘͇͈͕͍̱̜͔̦͔̰͙̐̒̃͑̆̽̇̅͆ţ̴͍̦̯͖̦̱͉̩̪͐͌͑̌̌͑̈́́͋͂͂͒̕͜͠͝e̷̜̠͓̼͊͆͗̆ŗ̴̻̭̖̳̭̺̼̟͚̜̎ȧ̷̤̭̩͙̗͚̳̫̩̫̻̜͐̇l̴͙̈́̉̾͌̎̋̽̎̕l̸̪̬̝̿̓͋̀̂͘ ̴̤̙͍̣̙̼̳̈͋̎͗̎̿́͊̚î̷͔̬̤͚͉̹̲̖̀͂̎̓͑̚̚͝ţ̵̥͎͓̙̞͉̖̤̦̰́̈́̾̍͂̉̿́͘̚ͅ'̷͙̯̼̤̙̟͊̔̏̽̊͑̈́̒̀̂̃͘̚͝s̵̢̲̭̭̞̹̆͛̂̈́̈́̐̅͊͝ ̵̳͖̻̩͙̭̯͓͔̗̬̩̈̃̊̃̈͒̓͋͌͌̒̔̀̄͝a̷̘͂͌͆̅̍̄͑̈͌͑̾̓͊͂̕l̷̢͉̝̟͚̼̺̍̇̅̈́̚̚͜ͅm̶̧͉̺̱͕͖̲̹̯̅̽̅̈́͐̇̀͂̿͂͊ŏ̶̖̥̪͚͔͖̗͇̞̫̻̼̹̦͌̎͑͘͜s̵̹̅t̷̟̺̜̠̭̺̾̉̈̿̏͛̈̎ ̶̘͔̟͈̱̳͓̼̟̝̱̠̙̗͒ṯ̶̡̛̖̖͙̤̮͑͑̐̋̐̄̕͝h̸̭͖̼̹̋̐̎͜e̵̟̹͍̙̖̽̎͂͐̐̆̈́̅̑̅͆̉͜͝͠͝ ̷̨̨̧̢̱͚̘͇̞͇̩̯͉̖̙̅̃̎̏̐̓̋͊a̵͖̟͍̲̪͔̲̲̘͆̽̂͂ͅṗ̶̨̰͈̘͙̘͉͕͔̤̯͚̳̃̿p̶̧̧̛̪̜̮̣̘̱̰͔͎̲͌̊͒͋̅̐̌͐́͂͘͝o̸̡̧̧̗̼̗͖̣̽̈́̽̈͂̇͑͆̌͋͘̚͜i̵̢̡̦̳͎̭͕͈̰̣̼̹̗͈̜̓̎̚ņ̵̢͔̱̩̗̱̠͓̞̥̠̩̩͖̀͝t̸̩͂̈e̶̗̳͔͌̅͝d̵̢̝̺͖̪̪̩̹̱̲̦͎͑̄́̀͜ ̸̲͕͚̬͉̪̝͓̊̀̋̑̄ṫ̸̢̯͙̹͍̰͆̌̽̍͂̽̐̎̈́̉̚͘͝i̷̛͓̮̯̦̝͇̱̪̩̗̩͇̫͙̔͒̽͊͂̄͌̋̍͒̚̕͜m̶̛̗̥̥̱̠̱̤̬͇̎̈́̑̐̐́͐̍ȩ̵̡̞̳̳̗̰̬͍̜̳̻̙͆̀͛̒̓̚͘̕͝

The1TailedBeast: No

The1TailedBeast: OH GOD NO

The1TailedBeast: I THOUGHT THAT WAS NEXT WEEK

Chapter Text

 8:45 AM

Chapter Text

6:00 AM

{PikaPretty and 19 others have logged on}

PikaPretty: Whoever took my skin cream, send your location I just want to talk

TraumatizedPeppermint: You May want to fess up

TraumatizedPeppermint: This Pikachu is terrifying

GordonRamsey: I know it’s true Todoroki, but I still have a hard time accepting it

PikaPretty: I will meet you at Denny’s parking lot at 3 am, by 8 am I will be back at that same Denny’s eating a chocolate pancake

PikaPretty: Knowing that I’ve already hidden you were no lawman can find you

TraumatizedPeppermint: Not so hard now is it?

GordonRamsey: Yes

GordonRamsey: Yes I suppose so

TheMid2000’s: Your parents must be proud to have raised such a terrifying child

PikaPretty: Pft!

PikaPretty: What parents

TraumatizedPeppermint: Oof God tier mood Kami

TheHamburglerBut30: Wait what

TheHamburglerBut30: Please tell me your joking

PikaPretty: Nah bro. I’m an orphan

ThePumpkinKing: OH

ThePumpkinKing: The darkness reveals itself

TheMid2000’s: Why does it always come to shit like this

TheMid2000’s: Why can’t we be normal

PikaPretty: Jirou we are all basically fucking X-Men but tiny

PikaPretty: We physically can’t be normal

JustDissapointed: It is time to go to class but

JustDissapointed: We will discuss this later

11:45 AM

{TheHamburglerBut30 and 17 others have logged on}

TheHamburglerBut30: Okay we are getting back to this right fucking now

DIEnamite: The Troll doll is right for once

DIEnamite: In all seriousness though why aren’t Todoroki and Pikachu In fucking therapy?

JustDissapointed: While I disagree with their language I have to agree with Bakugou and Shinsou

JustDissapointed: My friends, why haven’t you sought psychological assistance for your traumas?

TraumatizedPeppermint: Because Endeavor doesn’t want his dirty laundry aired so he won’t let me get therapy

90’sLavaLamp: Murder time

PikaPretty: Personally, I don’t have enough money to pay for the sessions

TheHamburglerBut30: Kami...there’s a relief fund for orphan heroes in UA

PikaPretty: There is?

TheHamburglerBut30: Yes

TheHamburglerBut30: And I’m calling Aizawa to set your first session up as we speak

PikaPretty: Shinsou I adore you with all my neurons

PikaPretty: But that will aggravate Todorki’s secret love child tendencies

TheHamburglerBut30: Bitch

TheHamburglerBut30: You’re worth it

TheHamburglerBut30: Now I’ve gotta call-$.Dr.HjanKkskskslJakKoOLWKSJALZOS KJSJALAMZKSKSJAKK! :&&/1$

TrueKakashi: Question

TrueKakashi: Was Shinsou just fucking assassinated?

TraumatizedPeppermint: I would also like to know if Shinsou is deceased

TheGreenCareBear: Shinsou is fine guys!

TheGreenCareBear: Kaminari just tackle hugged him while he was typing

TrueKakashi: Ooh

TraumatizedPeppermint: Well that’s disappointing, In his will, I get his nail polish

DIEnamite: Sorry to disappoint but he’s alive

DIEnamite: You would know that if you’d come to eat in the damned cafeteria

DIEnamite: Also,

DIEnamite: FUCK. ENDEAVOR.

JustDissapointed: Bakugou!

TheGreenCareBear: FUCK ENDEAVOR

JustDissapointed: MIDORIYA!

TraumatizedPeppermint: FUCK

TraumatizedPeppermint: ENDEAVOR

JustDissapointed: I swear to God that better not be the start of a cheer I hear on the other side of the cafeteria Monoma-san

TrueKakashi: Sorry Iida, it is

TrueKakashi: And we're going to scream FUCK ENDEAVOR till the man himself hears it

JustDissapointed: I will bring him here so you can say it to his face IF YOU WILL JUST

JustDissapointed: W A I T

TraumatizedPeppermint: .........

TraumatizedPeppermint: We will hold you to that

JustDissapointed: Give me a month

TraumatizedPeppermint: It’s a deal

TheMid2000’s: One with the fucking devil I may add

TheGreenCareBear: But Kacchan doesn’t do deals Jirou?

DIEnamite: BITCH

2:45 PM

{AccidentalFather and 16 others have logged on}

AccidentalFather: Kaminari your appointment is on Wednesday at 5 pm

TheHamburglerBut30: Finally

PikaPretty: Thanks, Dad!

AccidentalFather: I’d usually yell at you for that

AccidentalFather: But you’ve got Daddy Issues and I ain’t dealing with that

TheGreenCareBear: I feel that in my soul

AccidentalFather: Also Todorki?

TraumatizedPeppermint: Yes Sensei?

AccidentalFather: Endeavors credit card will be getting a very large charge soon

AccidentalFather: And you will say they were for 30 AirPods and nothing else understand?

TraumatizedPeppermint: Sir Yes Sir!

AccidentalFather: Good

AccidentalFather: Your appointment is on Tuesday at 7

{AccidentalFather has logged off}

90’sLavaLamp: That man is the physical embodiment of Chaotic Good

PikaPretty: God you're right

TheHamburglerBut30: Kami

PikaPretty: Yes Shinsou dear?

TheHamburglerBut30: I’m at your door let me in

TheSun: Ooh la  la~ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

DIEnamite: Stop or Perish

DIEnamite: Also open his door your fucking self, you coward

TheHamburglerBut30: I have a two liter of Sprite and three family bags of Doritos in my arms

TheHamburglerBut30: It’s taking all my motor functions to even text right now

TheHamburglerBut30: I physically cannot open his door

PikaPretty: You brought me Sprite!!

PikaPretty: I’ll be at the door in one sec, I just have to detach myself from my fort!

Newton’sAHoe: This is so

Newton’sAHoe: Wholesome

Newton’sAHoe: I love it

TheMid2000’s: Are we sure it’s going to stay Wholesome tho?

TheMid2000’s: I mean we all know Kaminari has been thirsty for thirty years

PikaPretty: Hey Jirou

PikaPretty: W̵̨̤̘̘̺̼͕̩̜̙̳͙̪͖͗̓̇̈̆̅͛̂̍͐̇̎̊̆ͅa̷̧̜̩̻̗̳̠̺̓̇̈̌̔͘n̶̜̮̩͕͚̱͈̮̠̳̉̎͛͛̎̾̇̈́̀͂̚͘͘͝͝n̸̢̡̲̪̤͍̝̖̬̗̫͈̳̖̖̺͖̾̓̇͌̊́̇̒̾͂͊̂͋̋ą̷̧̛̛̛͇̦͈̟͚̼̞̺̦̲͖̰̈́̂͛͊̈́͗̌̇̋̓̂̇͒͐̈́͘͜ ̸̢̨̨̧̤̺͇̳͔͉̪͎̭͔̓̿̈̈̏͐͛̆̊̌̕͝͝ĝ̵̨̜͐̋o̸̲̣͚͍̘̙͈͙͚̣̖͇̝̣̘̩̍̒̃̃̓̽͊͒̃͂͆̂̆͘ͅ ̸̨̡̨͍͇̯̼̻̼̣͍̙͓̰̫̈́̒͆̈̑́͠t̸̛̠̟̜̻̹̟̩͛̈́̕o̴͚̩̝̦̺͌̋ͅ ̷̢̳̲̭̣͚̘̮͐̀̕D̴̙̞͙̼͕̻̺̥̳͐̉̒̉͛͜ͅē̷̡̹̱̙̦͙͖̘͍̰̜̣͙̪̙͍̯̩̊ͅñ̷̛̮͇̖̖̈́́̾̄̽̀̂̃̎n̴̨͍͖̫̝̱̹̐͂̀͌ͅy̶̫̺̯̥̞͇͉̳̭̎̂͑’̵̢̡̡̛̛̲̯̞̪̤̯͚̺͇̬̦̠̲͙͍̥̊̓̃̏̎̎͂̿͘͝ș̴̨̡͚̖̥̉̓̓́

TheMid2000’s: I’ll drown you in their syrup You dollar tree wall outlet

TheGreenCareBear: That is the friendship I aspire to have

DIEnamite: Bitch what am I?

DIEnamite: A Roach?

TheGreenCareBear: Nah

TheGreenCareBear: You’re my pissed off cricket Kacchan!

TheMid2000’s: Is that sweet or shady?

DIEnamite: Both, Deku meet me in the common room for video games and your fucking funeral

TheGreenCareBear: Finally

Newton’sAHoe: SO

Newton’sAHoe: How were your first day’s in our class Shinsou and Monoma-san!

TrueKakashi: It was actually really

TrueKakashi: Nice?

TrueKakashi: Like I think Present Mic Sensei adopted me

{TraumatizedPeppermint has logged on}

TraumatizedPeppermint: It seems the rare cryptid Papa Present Mic has been spotted

TraumatizedPeppermint: Please explain why

TheGreenCareBear: Todoroki, please

TheGreenCareBear: Can we pretend it’s Sunday again

TheGreenCareBear: And let the man rest

TraumatizedPeppermint: God is dead Midoriya and his rules don’t apply anymore

TraumatizedPeppermint: So. Talk. Monoma.

TrueKakashi: I think I fear you

DesignatedDecorater: You do

DesignatedDecorater: It’s the only way to survive

TrueKakashi: I believe it

TrueKakashi: ANY WAY The reason I think Present Mic adopted me is cause he asked me if I was doing okay with adjusting to Class 1-A

Newton’sAHoe: Aww how sweet!

TrueKakashi: And he said that if anyone from Class 1-B starts harassing me cause I got bumped up to tell him

TrueKakashi: And He’d make them disappear like it was their idea??

Newton’sAHoe: Okay not so sweet

TraumatizedPeppermint: New Memo for the Secret Love Child folder.

TraumatizedPeppermint: Papa is protective as shit, maybe because of our AccidentalFather's influence

TrueKakashi: You

TrueKakashi: You have a folder?

TraumatizedPeppermint: Monoma I have a cork board

TrueKakashi: I will now swiftly return to my safe place

Newton’sAHoe: You mean Aoyama’s room?

TrueKakashi: Yup, he just put up some holo wallpaper in there

TrueKakashi: Todoroki won’t come within a mile of it

TraumatizedPeppermint: It’s a crime against G O D

TrueKakashi: I thought God was dead Todoroki

TraumatizedPeppermint: He is And he’s dead because holo killed him, you whore

DIEnamite: Troll Doll

DIEnamite: Tell us about your first day before Aoyama comes back online and kills Todoroki for his hubris

TheHamburglerBut30: One second, I've gotta pause Shrek

TheGreenCareBear: You And Kaminari are watching Shrek

TheHamburglerBut30: Yes we are Midoriya you whore because It’s a cinematic masterpiece

90’sLavaLamp: Oh dear

90’sLavaLamp: He’s a meme

90’sLavaLamp: How tragic ( ͡◉ ͜ʖ ͡◉)

DesignatedDecorater: Tragic indeed  ( ͡◉ ͜ʖ ͡◉)

Newton’sAHoe: It seems Kaminari, Sero, And Mina now have a new accomplice

TheMid2000’s: So basically we’re fucked?

Newton’sAHoe: Basically, yes

DIEnamite: You little shits shut the hell up. We are finishing this train of thought before you start back on your bullshit

DIEnamite: Even If It Fucking Kills Me

CrocsAreValid: Bro it just might

DIEnamite: Then I’ll go down swinging

DIEnamite: How Was Your Fucking Day Troll Doll

TheHamburglerBut30: Pretty cool, Aizawa sensei put me next to Kami

Newton'sAHoe: Oooh so was that the highlight of your day Shinsou :)

TheHamburglerBut30: No

TheHamburglerBut30: Hearing him mumbling in English was 

Newton'sAHoe: !!!!! 

Newton'sAHoe: What was he saying Shinsou!

TheHamburglerBut30: I think he was mumbling the lyrics to If it Means a Lot to You by A Day To Remember?

ThePumpkinKing: I'm 

ThePumpkinKing: So proud??

Newton'sAHoe: How good is his English? I don't think I've ever heard him speak it in class

{LivingSoundSystem has logged on}

LivingSoundSystem: Kaminari can actually speak English quite fluently!

Newton'sAHoe:

LivingSoundSystem: I'm currently helping him learn Spanish as well!

TheHamburglerBut30: Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw

TheHamburglerBut30: Are you adopting all the blondes in Class-1A?

LivingSoundSystem: Nah

LivingSoundSystem: Shota has dibs on Bakugou!

{AccidentalFather has logged on}

AccidentalFather: You're damn right I do Hizashi

Newton'sAHoe: Holy Shit

AccidentalFather: Also I reserved us a table at that new okonomiyaki place you like

90'sLavaLamp: HOLY SHIT

LivingSoundSystem: You are the light of my life

AccidentalFather: Stop 

AccidentalFather:  I̸̥̠̜͎̬͇̗͈̺̹̳̦̭͋̈́̏̓̈́͋̉͝ ̸̺̫̲̏̈͌̈́̋̔̈́̿͗̿̚͘͝ͅả̷̳̥̣̫̽̋͂̆͂̎͝͝m̶̲̺̦͓̖͕̟̗̗͓̖̉̉̊̋́̎̿̔̿̅ ̸̡͇̮̠̾̈́́͑̽̏̆͌̽̔̀̕̕t̴̨̺̹̟̄̇̿͋̊̄͠h̸̨̘̘̟͍̪͖̖̟͉̫͒̾̈ͅe̸͚͇̮̺̰̖̎̄̃̏́͋͠͝ ̷̠͛̉̓͌̔̆̒̈́͂͋̕̕͝͝͝n̶̞̋̂̔̅̑͂į̷̡̣͕͖͕̣̖͐͒̎͛́͊̍̉̄̂̓̚̚͘͜ǧ̷̛͍̰̮̳̒̾̌̈́͑̍̃͐̓͂̉̀̚h̵̡̬͈͓̬͍̫̺̠͎̲̔͒̇̔̅̍̽̌̇͛̈̕̕t̸̼̒̎̀͌̐̇͋͘

LivingSoundSystem: A starry night <3

AccidentalFather:...

AccidentalFather: Hiazashi I have a reputation to uphold

DIEnamite: This is the gayest shit I've ever seen

DIEnamite: And I look in the mirror

PikaPretty: OOF

PikaPretty: Mood Bakugou

TraumatizedPeppermint: Aizawa sensei, please

TraumatizedPeppermint: Are you dating Present Mic sensei

AccidentalFather: You Will Never Know

{AllMightTM has logged on}

AllMightTM: They have been happily married for almost eight years now young Todoroki!

TraumatizedPeppermint: !!!!!

Newton'sAHoe: HOLY FLYING FUCK\DSKDJA; LC; LS

AccidentalFather: Yagi

AccidentalFather: I love you but you're a motherfucking Snitch

AllMightTM: \_(ツ)_/¯

{AllmightTM has logged off}

TraumatizedPeppermint: God lives

TraumatizedPeppermint: Blessed Be

{AccidentalFather and LivingSoundSystem have logged off}

DIEnamite: And now he is about to die again

TraumatizedPeppermint: For revealing the holy prophecy?

TraumatizedPeppermint: Worth It

Newton'sAHoe: Amen

Chapter Text

3:15 AM

PrivatePM

{TheHamburglerBut30 To PikaPretty}

TheHamburglerBut30: Have you ever thought about how we’re probably all the results of a government lackey watching too much anime?

PikaPretty: Shinsou

PikaPretty: What the fuck

TheHamburglerBut30: I mean no one really knows how mankind developed quirks right

ThHamburglerBut30: So theoretically couldn’t we be the result of government genetic modification

PikaPretty: No I get that

PikaPretty: But why are we calling this Lackey an anime fan?

TheHamburglerBut30: Hmm what are your thoughts then?

PikaPretty: I think it’s pretty obvious they were a huge X-Men fan

PikaPretty: I mean look how many people have super strength and elemental control

PikaPretty: Plus the Psy type quirks are like Magneto’s mutation

TheHamburglerBut30: That’s a valid theory Pika

TheHamburglerBut30: I’m impressed

PikaPretty: Why thank you!

PikaPretty: But don’t say theory or Todoroki will be summoned

TheHamburglerBut30: God you’re right

TheHamburglerBut30: One of these days I will construct such convincing T word about him that he will be forever shook

PikaPretty: T word?

TheHamburglerBut30: I’m trying to avoid a siting from our friendly neighborhood conspiracy nut okay?

PikaPretty: It's a valid reason, even if this is a PM

PikaPretty: Cause that boy is scary sometimes

TheHamburglerBut30: Hmmmmm That gives me an idea

PikaPretty: Say itttttttt

TheHamburglerBut30: What if that blue flame guy, Dabi is Endeavors secret love child?

TheHamburglerBut30: He’s Basically a very scary half Todoroki

PikaPretty:......

PikaPretty: Why...

PikaPretty: WHY THE FUCK DOES THAT MAKE SO MUCH SENSE

TheHamburglerBut30: I DONT KNOW I MEAN COMPARE THEIR EYES KAMI

PikaPretty: PLUS THE FLAMES

TheHamburglerBut30: AND THE ALL-CONSUMING HATRED OF ENDEAVOR

PikaPretty: Although admittedly Todoroki is handling that significantly better then Dabi

TheHamburglerBut30: Is he tho?

TheHamburglerBut30: I mean I think him and Bakugou and Monoma are planning his murder

PikaPretty: Well then he’s gonna have to get in line

PikaPretty: Cause I think his, probably half ,brother called dibs

PikaPretty: A long time ago

{TraumatizedPeppermint has been added}

TraumatizedPeppermint: No Dabi got to burn his face so now?

TraumatizedPeppermint: Now It’s My Turn

{TraumatizedPeppermint has been removed}

PikaPretty: Shinsou

TheHamburglerBut30: Yes

PikaPretty: Hold me

TheHamburglerBut30: My Doors Open Get THe Fuck In Here

6:00 AM

{DesignatedDecorater And 18 others have logged on}

DesignatedDecorater: Has anyone seen our Pikachu?

DesignatedDecorater: I haven’t seen him yet

TheGreenCareBear: That’s weird

TheGreenCareBear: He’s always in the Kitchen by six, he wakes up at 5:40 to do his morning routine then goes for breakfast at 6:00 and a jog occasionally on Wednesday’s

DesignatedDecorater: Jesus Christ Deku

KermitKin: While your analytic comment is slightly terrifying

KermitKin: It's true, he’s usually stealing Mina’s Lucky Charms at this time in the morning

90’sLavaLamp: My rainbow marshmallows are safe and that’s a bad sign

DIEnamite: Hey dipshits, you’re overreacting again

CrocsAreValid: But BakuBro! What if he’s missing?

DIEnamite: Jesus ShittyHair he’s fine

DIEnamite: And I’d put money on him fucking oversleeping because he was shitposting late last night

TrueKakashi: ^I’m putting my money down for that

JustDissapointed: Monoma-San! There is to be no gambling and or betting on school grounds

TheMid2000’s: Are we actually betting on this though?

TheMid2000’s: Cause if so I’m putting down that he short-circuited on accident and is walking into a wall as we speak

JustDissapointed:......

JustDissapointed: Jirou, I'm so upset

TheMid2000’s: Oh no

JustDissapointed: That even my username cannot convey how I feel

CrocsAreValid: Look what you’ve invoked Jirou

JustDissapointed: And my username has the word disappointed in it

TheMid2000’s: I feel

TheMid2000’ s: So much shame

JustDissapointed: Good

JustDissapointed: But In all seriousness, I shall go get Kaminari so he shall not be late to class!

CrocsAreValid: Iida’s the best dad out of our three fathers

ThePumpkinKing: I thought we had four? ( Allmight)

CrocsAreValid: Oh! Allmight is specifically BakuBro and Midoriya’s class father

TheMid2000’s: We can reserve fathers

TraumatizedPeppermint: Can I get a

replacement unit for my real one?

TraumatizedPeppermint: It’s been defective for 20 or so years

DIEnamite: Bitch you mean 43 years

TraumatizedPeppermint: That’s how long he’s been alive

DIEnamite: Exactly

TheGreenCareBear: Slay him Kacchan

TheMid2000’s: OOF

TraumatizedPeppermint: Katsuki

TraumatizedPeppermint: Marry Me

Newton’sAHoe: Good Sweet Tsuyu He Used His First Name

TheGreenCareBear: Well Todoroki my friend, it was lovely knowing you

TheGreenCareBear: But you’re gonna die now

ThePumpkinKing: Holy Shit Cinnamon Son Attacks

TrueKakashi: Okay Todoroki is probably a dead man walking

TheSun: Gasp! Heathers

TrueKakashi: But the question is, is it because Bakugou is going to kill him

TrueKakashi: Or because you are going to kill him Midoriya?

DesignatedDecorater: We all want to know

CrocsAreValid: Guys Midoriya would never-

TheGreenCareBear: Eh

TheGreenCareBear: It depends who gets to him first

CrocsAreValid: - Well never mind that then

TrueKakashi: Todoroki is once again gonna have to run for his life this week

TheMid2000’s: Rest Todoroki, You Sweet Prince

TheMid2000’s: For You’re Fucking Dead My Man

90’sLavaLamp: Sent PNG- Todoroki doesn’t need help dying-

90’sLavaLamp: I think Todoroki is dying on his own fam

TrueKakashi: Jesus Christ why is he burning brighter than my future

TheGreenCareBear: Ughh Mood Monoma Moment

TrueKakashi: I’m trademarking that

TrueKakashi: But really why is he on fire?

90’sLavaLamp: Because he’s a disaster gay

TrueKakashi: Mood But please Explain

90’sLavaLamp: Oh god I wish you weren’t in the common room when it happened cause it was amazing

CrocsAreValid: Very Gay 10/10

TheMid2000’s: The suspense is killing me, Mina,

90’sLavaLamp: Alright, alright. I’ll continue!

90’sLavaLamp: So when Todoroki sent his marriage proposal BakuBro’s face went red as fuck

90’sLavaLamp: Like Kirishima spilled his red hair dye on his face red

TheMid2000’s: Damn

90’sLavaLamp: Hell yeah Damn. Anyway, then Bakugou went really quite and put his phone down

TheGreenCareBear: O h S h I t

90’sLavaLamp: I also thought “Oh shit” cause a quiet Bakugou is a bad Bakugou

90’sLavaLamp: But then he slowly walked up to Todoroki

TheSun: Le fils de la mort frappe lentement, semble-t-il

90’sLavaLamp: I’ll google that later Aoyama!

90’sLavaLamp: Continuing with the story, Bakugou grabs him by the shirt and brings him down to his height

ThePumpkinKing: Very good tactic when attacking tall men

DesignatedDecorater: Do you know that from experience?

ThePumpkinKing: I’m short what do you think you wacky inflatable tube man

TheMid2000’s: Jesus Fucking Christ let her finish before we have to get to class

90’sLavaLamp: Thank you Jirou~

90’sLavaLamp: Finally Bakugou leans in and says

90’sLavaLamp: “Ask me again in ten years Shouto”

90’sLavaLamp: And then Todoroki became an actual flaming homosexual

Newton’sAHoe: H

TheGreenCareBear: O

ThePumpkinKing: L

BillNye: Y

TrueKakashi: Mother fucking shit

11:30 AM

{JustDissapointed And 19 others have logged on}

JustDissapointed: Todoroki In the future please refrain from activating your quirk when you’re under the cupboard that houses my Cheerios

TraumatizedPeppermint: Iida I swear I didn’t mean to light your cereal on fire

TraumatizedPeppermint: I’m buying you ten boxes of Cheerios to repay you for my accidental massacre

JustDissapointed: There’s no need to do that, I’ve already forgiven you, my friend! Also would one not be sufficient enough though?

TraumatizedPeppermint: No I’m getting you ten boxes for being the best class dad

JustDissapointed: Well I suppose I can’t dissuade you, so I shall accept <3

Newton’sAHoe: So sweet

Newton’sAHoe: So pure

HaveUSeenMe: So true Ochako-Chan!

HaveUSeenMe: This exchange is pure

TheGreenCareBear: Why Do I Feel Uneasy??

DesignatedDecorater: I don’t know why but I feel it too

HaveUSeenMe: It's almost as pure as what I saw!

ThMid2000’s: Oh nooo

BillNye: I feel every sin I’ve ever committed creeping up on me at this very moment

HaveUSeenMe: In Shinsou’s room~

Newton’sAHoe: Oh god no

Newton’sAHoe: Rest In Peace Shinsou Cause Hagakure is about to expose you

CrocsAreValid: Shinsou is sitting at our table looking so peaceful and ignorant of all this slander

DesignatedDecorater: He’s balancing french fries on Mina's head while she’s napping

DesignatedDecorater: Babe what innocence are you talking about

CrocsAreValid: He’s done nothing wrong ever Sero don’t @ me

BillNye: Someone tell him his fate cause I can’t bear to see him ignorant of this chaos

TrueKakashi: K

BillNye: Thank you Monoma!

TrueKakashi: @TheHamburglerBut30 Hey bitch what the fuck did you do wrong?

BillNye: Ya know

BillNye: I think I’m gonna just take that thank you back now

{TheHamburglerBut30 has logged on}

TheHamburglerBut30: Monoma aside from making your acquaintance

TheHamburglerBut30: I have done nothing wrong

TrueKakashi:.........

TrueKakashi: @HaveUSeenMe

HaveUSeenMe: Yess~

TrueKakashi: Ya know that piping hot Carolina Sweet tea you acquired this morning?

HaveUSeenMe: Yup!

TrueKakashi: Spill It Sister

TheGreenCareBear: Oh Fuck

HaveUSeenMe: Sent PNG- Shinkami spooning at 6 AM-

TrueKakashi: Vengence

TrueKakashi: Thy name is fucking Hagakure

{DIEnamite has changed TrueKakashi's name to KillerCoppier}

DIEnamite: I knew there was a reason I liked you CopyCat

TheMid2000's: Kaminari is the little spoon and you're appreciating Monoma's dramatic ass? smh 

KakashiFusion: ShinKami happens relatively often Jirou calm down

KakashiFusion: This is better cause now I'm finally the only Kakashi in this group chat

KakashiFusion: Life is good 

TheSun: Non

{TheSun has changed KillerCoppier's name to CuteKakashi}

KakashiFusion: Well damn you didn't have to flex that fucking hard

PikaPretty: HAGAKURA 

PikaPretty: WHEN DID YOU TAKE THAT 

CrocsAreValid: Kami is currently blushing to his ears

PikaPretty: S H UT 

HaveUSeenMe: I took it this morning when Iida went to wake you up Kaminari~

TheMid2000's: Iida

TheMid2000's: You knew??

JustDissapointed: Well yes

JustDissapointed: But Kaminari and Shinsou explained that Kaminari had some trouble sleeping and sleeping alongside Shinsou had helped him

JustDissapointed: So I refrained from chastising them 

TheGreenCareBear: Oh!

TheGreenCareBear: That"s really sweet IIda <3

KermitKin: While I am loving the gay in this group chat today

KermitKin: Are you okay Kami, do you usually not sleep?

PikaPretty: Don't worry Tsuyu! I'm fine

PikaPretty: I just dreamt that I was being stalked by a fire demon last night

KermitKin: Ooh I understand why you didn't wanna be alone now

TheHamburglerBut30: The dream sounded slightly terrifying when he told me about it

TheHamburglerBut30: But I'm glad I had some company for the insomnia hours

PikaPretty: I need to get you some lavender incense or something to see if that'll help you Shin, you only slept like an hour and a half

TheHamburglerBut30: No, save your money for that new album you want

PikaPretty: But the lavender will help you sleep AND match your hair!

PikaPretty: Wait!

{PikaPretty has changed TheHamburglerBut30's name to LovelyLavender}

LovelyLavender: .....

LovelyLavender: God Damnit Kaminari is being adorable on your fucking resume

<3 \>,<\:  ( ∩ˇωˇ∩)♡

PikaPretty: !!

TheGreenCareBear: Kouda!

TraumatizedPeppermint: The sweetest cryptid of them all

12:00 AM

PrivatePM

{TraumatizedPeppermint to PikaPretty and LovelyLavender}

TraumatizedPeppermint: Wonderful cover gentlemen

TraumatizedPeppermint: I'm impressed

{TrauamtizedPeppermint has logged off}

PikaPretty: It's official

PikaPretty: I'm never leaving your fucking room ever again Shin

LovelyLavender: That's fine with me Kami

LovelyLavender: Just bring your blankets with you 

{LovelyLavender has logged off}

PikaPretty:...

PikaPretty: <3 <3 <3

Chapter Text

2:45 PM

{90’sLavaLamp and 17 others have logged on}

90’sLavaLamp: This Day

90’sLavaLamp: Nay

90’sLavaLamp: This week

90’sLavaLamp: Has been a whirlwind of emotions and exposure, does anyone else think so?

Newton’sAHoe: I do Mina!

Newton’sAHoe: I thought I was the only one feeling a bit wired after this busy week!

ThePumpkinKing: Today is Tuesday

ThePumpkinKing: We haven’t even made it a full week

90’sLavaLamp: Our week officially began when Dadzawa gave us this GC Tokoyami

90’sLavaLamp: And when he gave us our new children

CuteKakashi: You make it sound like he was a dying mother who left us in a basket at a orphanages doorstep

ThePumpkinKing: Monoma

ThePumpkinKing: Why the Fuck was that so specific

CuteKakashi:.....

CuteKakashi: Aoyama is making me watch Harry Potter with him and I’m channeling Voldemort

ThePumpkinKing: Ahh, proceed then

CuteKakashi: Thank you, good sir

CuteKakashi: Anyway, Mina’s right this week has been

CuteKakashi: A Lot

HaveUSeenMe: That's true! We got new babies, a group chat, Kiri And Sero got together, Todoroki proposed, Erasermic is canon, and we had a ShinKami sighting

KermitKin: You

KermitKin: You say this like you didn’t personally cause that last one

Newton’sAHoe: No No No No No

KermitKin: Muffin am I wrong?

Newton’sAHoe: No you’re absolutely right

Newton’sAHoe: But

Newton’sAHoe: Tsuyu the shades gotta Wait

KermitKin:... Why

CuteKakashi: Wait a minute

CuteKakashi: Ochako are you talking about the middle part of Hagakure’s list

Newton’sAHoe: YES

Newton’sAHoe: When did they get together spymaster?

{HaveUSeenMe has changed their name to SpyMaster}

SpyMaster: Last night~

KermitKin: I’m surprised they didn’t tell us at lunch

TheGreenCareBear: Since got together last night Tsuyu then they probably want to keep it hush until they’re comfortable telling us

CuteKakashi: Or

CuteKakashi: They just forgot to tell us

TheGreenCareBear: Okay Yes that’s an option too

ThePumpkinKing: Hagakure I’m not gonna ask how you figured this out cause I want to wait for Kiri and Sero to tell us

themselves

TheGreenCareBear: Same!

KermitKin: I would also like to wait for Kiri and Sero

Newton’sAHoe: Me too!

SpyMaster: Awwww, okie ):

90’sLavaLamp: I’m living for this patient group chat

PikaPretty: Same, now I have time to relax instead of drinking an enormous amount of Tea

TraumatizedPeppermint: Tell me when we resume tea time Kiri

TraumatizedPeppermint: Cause there are several loose ends that need to be tied up

PikaPretty:..... I don’t wanna know what loose ends you’re talking about

PikaPretty: But I kind of do though so put the tea bags in Todoroki

90’sLavaLamp: Oh for fuck's sake I ask for one day of peace

TraumatizedPeppermint: But

TraumatizedPeppermint: It’s Iced Tea

KermitKin: Is

KermitKin: Is that mild or extreme tea in gossip girl term

TraumatizedPeppermint: Extremely Mild

90’sLavaLamp:........

90’sLavaLamp: Alright tell us Theoryoki

Newton’sAHoe: I guess there really is no rest for the wicked

90’sLavaLamp: But Ochako after he does we will let out loose tea, and then after we’re done

90’sLavaLamp: We will take a rest from gossip till Kiri and Sero come back online

Newton’sAHoe: Oh thank god

Newton’sAHoe: Now I and Tsuyu can go on a date without worrying about missing anything important

KermitKin: <3

Newton’sAHoe: <3

90’sLavaLamp: Yes! You go gays!

90’sLavaLamp: Now Theoryoki proceed so these lovely ladies can go get Boba Tea together

TraumatizedPeppermint: Gladly

TraumatizedPeppermint: So why has no one asked EraserMic how they got together?

TraumatizedPeppermint: We found out that they’re married days ago

PikaPretty:......

Newton’sAHoe:.....

TheGreenCareBear:.......

CuteKakashi:........

ThePumpkinKing:...

TheMid2000’s:....

90’sLavaLamp: Huh

90’sLavaLamp: now that I think about it why haven’t we asked them

TheGreenCareBear: I think it’s cause we’ve been distracted by all the other relationships

KermitKin: That sounds about right Midoriya

TheMid2000’s: In simple terms our attention spans are shit

KermitKin: That is

KermitKins: Also accurate, please continue

TheMid2000’s: Thank you kindly

CuteKakashi: Are we going to ask EraserMic about this so we can move onto more tea or are we gonna wait till they renew their vows

TraumatizedPeppermint: Please don't make me wait that long Mina

90’sLavaLamp:.....

90’sLavaLamp: @AccidentalFather and @LivingSoundSystem

90’sLavaLamp: Dad’s your nosy children want to know the story of how you got together and why you hid it for so long

{LivingSoundSystem has logged on}

LivingSoundSystem: Hello my little ones!

CuteKakashi: Hey dad

PikaPretty: Heya pops

{DIEnamite has logged on}

DIEnamite: I swear to god Theoryoki if you don’t stop shaking me and pointing at your phone I WILL FUCK YOU UP

TraumatizedPeppermint: Try Me Bi-

{TraumatizedPeppermint has logged off}

DIEnamite: Perish

{DIEnamite has logged off}

Newton’sAHoe: What the fuck was that

PikaPretty: Did Todoroki die again

TheGreenCareBear: Probably

LivingSoundSystem: Can a responsible child please tell me what’s going on

LivingSoundSystem: I can’t tell mine and Shota’s epic love story until I know none of you are dead

ThePumpkinKing: Does dead inside count

BillNye: Todoroki is fine Sensei!

BillNye: Bakugo just pushed him out of their loveseat

LivingSoundSystem: Awww, that reminds me of when I and Shota went and picked out our first couch for our apartment

CuteKakashi: Did Aizawa Sensei push you off that couch?

LivingSoundSystem: Yup < 3

CuteKakashi: I would say that Bakugou And Todoroki are Next Gen EraserMic

CuteKakashi: But that spot is taken by Shinsou and Kaminari

PikaPretty: Aoyama has rubbed off on you Monoma

PikaPretty: You’ve become a fanboy

CuteKakashi: I want to send you to the void but you’d fucking like it there

LivingSoundSystem: Children, please!

LivingSoundSystem: Let me finish my story before you two fight like twelve-year-olds with home bedazzled pink Razr phones okay?

90’sLavaLamp: OOF

90’sLavaLamp: Rest In Pieces

TheGreenCareBear: Please continue Sensei

LivingSoundSystem: Alrighty then!

LivingSoundSystem: I shall be telling this lovely story without the aid of my husband kids so don’t @ him okay?

Newton’sAHoe: Can I ask why PresentMic Sensei?

LivingSoundSystem: He’s asleep on my lap and I don’t wanna wake him

PikaPretty: Awww!

LovelyLavender: He says this like an innocent bean

LovelyLavender: But he’s watching Seed of Chucky with me and cackling

PikaPretty: Pfft, Seed of Chucky is a comedy more than it is a horror movie and you know it

LivingSoundSystem: Right? Shota doesn’t believe me when I tell him that

PikaPretty: See, my father agrees with me

LovelyLavender: Whatever you say Draco Malfoy

ThePumpkinKing: Damn, the shade

TheSun: If he’s Draco then you’re Harry Shinsou

BillNye: I’m having flashbacks to my Fanfiction.net account...

LovelyLavender: Makes sense

LovelyLavender: He lived in a cupboard for 12 years

LovelyLavender: And I lived in the closet for 13

TheGreenCareBear: O O F

LivingSoundSystem: Mood son, mood

Newton’sAHoe: KAJSLAJALANAZ

PikaPretty: Can we finish the epic love story before I piss my pants laughing

LivingSoundSystem: Ah right! I almost forgot, man you children are distracting

ThePumpkinKing: Trust me

ThePumpkinKing: We know

LivingSoundSystem: Well as long as your aware

LivingSoundSystem: Me and Shota started dating after high school!

LivingSoundSystem: I actually loved him ever since our second year, but we were best friends ya know? So I was scared to ruin our friendship by asking him out

LivingSoundSystem: But as it turns out Shota felt the same way about me! He asked me out a week after graduation and we dated for four years before we got married!

Newton’sAHoe: This is so sweet, I’m crying

KermitKin: I am running to come to hold you

Newton’sAHoe: <3

Newton’sAHoe: Please continue Sensei! Who proposed first?

LivingSoundSystem: Well it’s actually really funny

LivingSoundSystem: Cause we both proposed at the same time!

TheSun: LE GASP

TheSun: HOW

LivingSoundSystem: Alright so we went to the animal shelter

LovelyLavender: Loving this

LivingSoundSystem: And I went straight to the cat section cause I had called beforehand and asked them to put a collar on a black cat that said: “ Will you marry us?”

GordonRamsey: If my husband doesn’t propose this way, then what I ask is the point??

LivingSoundSystem: So I got the cat ( We named him Zoro) and I brought him to the waiting room where I had left Shota

LivingSoundSystem: Only to see the love of my life holding a lovely bird( We named him Apollo) with a collar that said: “Can I canary you down the aisle?”

90’sLavaLamp: I am sobbing

TheGreenCareBear: I can’t believe Aizawa Sensei proposed to you  with a pun

LivingSoundSystem: Midoriya imagine how I felt

LivingSoundSystem: This was the same man who stopped me from buying the “1000 Dad Jokes”  book set

PikaPretty: Wait a second Dad, what happened after you saw the bird

LivingSoundSystem: Oh! Well I was in shock when Shota came over, looked at Zoro and said

LivingSoundSystem: “ Are you Kittying me, of course, I’ll marry you Hizashi ”

LivingSoundSystem: Then I started sobbing and kissed him right then and there

LivingSoundSystem: While still holding our cat

KermitKin: Very Wholesome 10/10

PikaPretty: I don’t know about the rest of you but

PikaPretty: My crops are watered, my depression is cured, Obama is the US president again, and life is great

LivingSoundSystem: I’m glad you all enjoyed mine and Shota’s epic love story <3

LivingSoundSystem: But I have to go now kids, Apollo escaped his cage

LivingSoundSystem: Again

{LivingSoundSystem has logged off}

90’sLavaLamp: That’s one adorable mystery solved!

Newton’sAHoe: And the man who wanted to solve it logged off before the explanation even began

CuteKakashi: I really don’t think Todoroki had a choice in the matter

Newton’sAHoe: You May have a point

90’sLavaLamp: Someone please get him back online tho

90’sLavaLamp: I need to know if he’s drunk all the tea he wanted so I can take a nap

The1TailedBeast: On it

{The1TailedBeast has changed TraumatizedPeppermint’s name to SadColgate}

{SadColgate has logged on}

SadColgate: Well Fuck

SadColgate: Which god did I piss off?

90’sLavaLamp: Me

SadColgate: Oh

SadColgate: I can survive then

{SadColgate has logged off}

KermitKin:.....

CuteKakashi:.....

GordonRamsey:......

SpyMaster:......

BillNye:.....

TheMid2000’s:....

The1TailedBeast:......

90’sLavaLamp:...

TheSun:.....

PikaPretty:......

LovelyLavender:......

TheGreenCareBear: Well

TheGreenCareBear: I knew Todoroki had no self-preservation

TheGreenCareBear: But Damn

Newton’sAHoe: You’ve broken almost every bone you own

Newton’sAHoe: You Don’t Get To Say Shit Deku

Newton’sAHoe: But I do so

Newton’sAHoe: Damn Todoroki

PikaPretty: I didn’t know we could buy bones

Newton’sAHoe: Of course you can

Newton’sAHoe: Why else would there be a boneless pizza option Kaminari Keep Up honey

CuteKakashi: Ochako’s throwing shade

CuteKakashi: And Mina I’m assuming you’re planning Todoroki’s torture?

90’sLavaLamp: Yup

90’sLavaLamp: It involves IKEA

CuteKakashi: I’m suitably terrified

CuteKakashi: So we are done with tea time till Sero and Kiri wake up? Last roll call children

PikaPretty: I think we’re good?

Newton’sAHoe: Thank god, Tsuyu meet me in the common room in twenty minutes!

KermitKin: Boba?

Newton’sAHoe: Boba!

KermitKin: <3

Newton’sAHoe: <3

9:20 PM

{PikaPretty And 5 others have logged on}

PikaPretty: Okay

PikaPretty: It’s been like 6 hours or so

PikaPretty: Can we please do something

SpyMaster: Oh thank god I thought I’d have to ask

CuteKakashi: You can’t even last an entire day?

CuteKakashi: Y’all have issues

PikaPretty: MonomaBroooooo

PikaPretty: It doesn’t have to be tea, just

PikaPretty: Something

CuteKakashi:.....

CuteKakashi: Shinsou fell asleep during your horror movie marathon didn’t he?

PikaPretty:...

PikaPretty: Alright he did but he doesn't sleep enough as it is so I'm not waking him up

ThePumpkinKing: I feel that Kami, almost everyone is asleep

ThePumpkinKing: But what are we gonna do, aside from gossipping

SpyMaster: You utter 

SpyMaster: F o o l s

SpyMaster: Sent TrueArt

SpyMaster: We still have art

CuteKakashi: Oh No

ThePumpkinKing: I hate that I actually like that song

PikaPretty: Ya know

PikaPretty: It kind of reminds me of The Backstreet Boys

CuteKakashi: I see it 

CuteKakashi: And I hate it 

ThePumpkinKing: Sent ActualCulture

CuteKakashi: Oh okay so this is a thing now huh

CuteKakashi: Well if I can't stop you

CuteKakashi: Ill beat you

CuteKakashi: Sent TryAndBeatMe

PikaPretty: I will never be bored

PikaPretty: Ever again my dudes

Chapter Text

6:15 AM

{ DIEnamite and 20 others have logged on}

DIEnamite: The one day I put my fucking phone down

DIEnamite: Is the same day that SHITTY HAIR AND TAPE DISPENSER DECIDE TO GET FUCKING HITCHED?

DIEnamite: I knew God hated me but damn she didn’t have to flex that fucking hard on me

SadColgate: That’s a mood

PikaPretty: I’m calling it karma for you destroying Kiri’s Thigh High Crocs

DIEnamite: It needed to be done

DIEnamite: And if God is punishing me for it?

DIEnamite: So Fucking Be It

TheGreenCareBear: You said the same thing when you smacked my first boyfriend Kacchan

DIEnamite: Like I said

DIEnamite: It needed to be done

90’sLavaLamp: Okay we need that story before we wake Kiri and Sero up

Newton’sAHoe: Is this a story where I need to throw hands with Bakugou?

DIEnamite: Watcha say Round Face

DIEnamite: You want another fucking rematch

TheGreenCareBear: No!! Ochako-Chan!

TheGreenCareBear: This story is actually really sweet!

90’sLavaLamp:........

90’sLavaLamp: And yet it involves BakuBro??

DIEnamite: I swear to fucking god is this Kill Katsuki Day or something

Newton’sAHoe: No!

Newton’sAHoe: That’s October 10th

DIEnamite: Alright you knife lesbian square the fuck up

PikaPretty: It seems the train of thought hasn’t just left the station

PikaPretty: Its derailed entirely because it ran over our bullshit

DIEnamite:...

DIEnamite: I’ll only shut the fuck up if she does

Newton’sAHoe:... Only until Deku finishes his story

PikaPretty: I’ll take it

PikaPretty: Midoriya, you have the stage

TheGreenCareBear: Thank you Kaminari!

TheGreenCareBear: So I got my first boyfriend at 13, and it was all very awkward and innocent at first

TheMid2000’s: The “at first” frightens me

TheGreenCareBear: But then he started to get really possessive like he’d stake out Kacchan’s house when he came over just to make sure he wouldn’t glance at me

DIEnamite: He brought binoculars every time he went To Deku’s house for the occasion

TheGreenCareBear: And Kacchan would flip him off every time he used them

TheGreenCareBear: Obviously that was shifty behavior, so I tried to break up with him

TheGreenCareBear: Emphasis on tried

Newton’sAHoe: Oh no

TheGreenCareBear: Yeah, I tried breaking up with him when he came to my door. But he started to put me down for not having my quirk yet. He said I’d “ be a quirkless bitch who nobody wants” and “ you won’t find anyone else but me who’ll love you ”

Newton’sAHoe:.....

Newton’sAHoe: What's his address

SadColgate: Probably Hell Ochako

TheGreenCareBear: You’re not wrong Todoroki

TheGreenCareBear: But you guys don’t have to worry

TheGreenCareBear: Cause Kacchan already took care of him!

ThePumpkinKing:...

ThePumpkinKing: How So

DIEnamite: Well BirdFace, I’d just went outside to take out my trash when I heard him say that shit to Deku

SadColgate: So you took out the trash twice that day

DIEnamite: Why Yes I did

DIEnamite: But as I was fucking saying

DIEnamite: When he started to yell I busted up in that bitch and grabbed him by his face

DIEnamite: Lifted him up to look him in the eyes

DIEnamite: And I said

DIEnamite: “ Shut your bitch ass mouth. God, I swear if I hadn’t already seen your bitch ass quirk I’d say it would be being a fucking cunt ass foot fucker. You and Deku are over with, and If you get near him or Auntie Inko’s house again I will blow your face up so you look as ugly as the shit stain that sired you ”

DIEnamite: Then I smacked the fuck out of him

90’sLavaLamp: Holy shit BakuBro

PikaPretty: I have tears in mine eyes

Newton’sAHoe: Personally

Newton’sAHoe: I have never in my life been more proud of you then I am right now

TheGreenCareBear: You should have seen me when he was finished Ochako-Chan

TheGreenCareBear: I was sobbing in front of my hydrangeas

TheGreenCareBear: I didn’t expect my ex-best friend, and at that time my worst enemy to come to save me

DIEnamite: I will say it till I’m dead, I was an out of line asshole back then

DIEnamite: But I wasn’t that much of an asshole to let anyone talk to you like that Izu-Chu

TheGreenCareBear:.......

TheGreenCareBear: Todoroki you best get out my way

SadColgate: Bitch why

TheGreenCareBear: Cause I'm gonna hug Kacchan for the first time in 30 years, so stop hogging him

PikaPretty: OOF

PikaPretty: Midoriya came for you real hard there Todoroki

90’sLavaLamp: His two-toned weave is on the floor

SadColgate: I will stop global warming with how much ice I will bury you under Mina

90’sLavaLamp: Good

90’sLavaLamp: Cause I'm too hot from being in my own presence

SpyMaster: Slay him, queen

PikaPretty: Sent PNG- Childhood Friends Reunited in a Tender Embrace-

Newton’sAHoe: I just heard Monoma mutter “really in front of my fucking salad” when he looked at that picture and I’m dying

KermitKin: Does anyone else think that Bakugou looks like a slightly alarmed, but not altogether upset, Pomeranian in that?

GordonRamsey: As someone who used to own a Pomeranian

GordonRamsey: I can say that he definitely does

DIEnamite: Every single one of you can fuck off

90’sLavaLamp: Since we’ve finished story time can we wake the happy couple up now?

JustDissapointed: What do you mean wake them up?

JustDissapointed: They got up at 5:30 and left for school.

90’sLavaLamp: Wait what

JustDissapointed: I had just gotten done with my morning jog when they went out the door

90’sLavaLamp: Why didn’t you stop them

JustDissapointed: I assumed they had to go to a tutoring session before class, as they were in their uniforms, so I refrained from stopping them

DIEnamite: Those motherfuckers have been avoiding us

PikaPretty: They can’t do it forever though ^_^

KermitKin: I fear for both their lives

11:30 AM

{CrocsAreValid And 19 others have logged on}

CrocsAreValid: Looks like you caught us!

DesignatedDecorater: Literally Bakugo please put us the fuck down

DIEnamite: Not Till You're Done

DesignatedDecorater: Well shit, I guess we gotta tell them, Kiri,

CrocsAreValid: Alright baby <3

DesignatedDecorater: AbalBnKbnNQKAJSLSBAMAMNB

DesignatedDecorater: BABE STOP I AM TURNING RED

CrocsAreValid: Good <3

90’sLavaLamp: So puré

Newton’sAHoe: AWWWWWWW

PikaPretty: Jesus Ochako I heard you from across the cafeteria

DIEnamite: Squealing aside

DIEnamite: Shitty Hair and Scotch Tape explain how y’all became canon

SadColgate: Canon? Did you write fanfiction as a pre-teen Bakugou?

BillNye: I feel attacked

DIEnamite: Shut the fuck up, you don’t want to know what I wrote Katy Perry

TheGreenCareBear: You really don’t want to Todoroki It’d make you cry

SadColgate: Brb

SadColgate: I’m going to go covet death

{SadColgate has logged off}

TheGreenCareBear: He's going to find your Endeavor/AllMight fanfiction and shit his pants

DIEnamite: I know :)

90’sLavaLamp: RIP TODOROKI

ThePumpkinKing: Nah

ThePumpkinKing: He froze my GreenDay cd

ThePumpkinKing: Let him perish

CuteKakashi: So petty, May come to next emo meeting just for that

DIEnamite: Alright now that you’ve stolen another one of my minions

BillNye: Are you in a gang?

PikaPretty: Yeah But DONT tell Iida

JustDissapointed: I been knew

JustDissapointed: Bakugou proceed

DIEnamite: Thank Fuck

DIEnamite: @DesignatedDecorater And @CrocsAreValid What’s the truth?

DIEnamite: Cause I know that both of you were still pining pieces of shit the last time you texted me about each other

DIEnamite: And that was two days ago

PikaPretty: Same

90’sLavaLamp: Mood

CrocsAreValid: Well, last night I went down to the kitchen after I got a text from Sero to get Oreos and come to his room

PikaPretty: Sero bro you made the first mood?

90’sLavaLamp: I myself am sister shook

DesignatedDecorater: Nope

PikaPretty: Qué?

DesignatedDecorater: I didn’t ask him to come to my room, but someone had texted him with my phone to get him to

CrocsAreValid: I figured that out when I was pushed into the cleaning closet two doors down from Sero’s room

CrocsAreValid: And found him sprawled out on a bed of sponges

TheMid2000’s: Are you sure he wasn’t trying to seduce you, Kiri?

DesignatedDecorater: I’d been there an hour Jirou

DesignatedDecorater: I had to adapt to survive

PikaPretty: Oof

DesignatedDecorater: But as we were saying after Kiri got pushed into the closet the person who started all this locked him in

DesignatedDecorater: And slid a note under the door that said: “Get your shit together and talk to each other”

DIEnamite: Chaotic Good

DIEnamite: I like them

CrocsAreValid: I knew you would bro

CrocsAreValid: Cause you said the same thing when you claimed him for the BakuSquad :)

PikaPretty: Wait

PikaPretty: A

PikaPretty: DAMN

PikaPretty: MINUTE

PikaPretty: MONOMA?!

CuteKakashi: Guilty as charged in both the courts of common law

CuteKakashi: And the court of public opinion ;)

Newton’sAHoe: ALAÑALKASLLALALALALALAPAPAPÑSMSNSSNKSKSKSKSKSKSKKSLSLS

Newton’sAHoe: SWEET HOLY FUCK

90’sLavaLamp: How the fuck did you go all “Done with your shit” on them

Newton’sAHoe: And then acted like you knew nothing about it with us 

CuteKakashi: I’m a man

CuteKakashi: Of many talents

DIEnamite: Thanks to you I don’t have to hear pining at 2:39 AM

DIEnamite: For that

DIEnamite: I'm naming a fucking Hamster after you

CuteKakashi: I am

CuteKakashi: So honored

CrocsAreValid: But I'm gonna let the new IT couple explain the rest of the story before I combust out of pure self-love

TheGreenCareBear: Don't know what that’s like but go off I guess

CrocsAreValid: That’s a mood

CrocsAreValid: But yeah so for an hour we tried to unlock the door, but then we got tired and started watching YouTube cause we procrastinate even our feeling

DesignatedDecorater: It's true, we were at the three-hour mark before I asked him “ Can I take you out Kiri” and you know what he said?

Newton’sAHoe: What’d he say

CrocsAreValid: “Hell yeah man I’d love to get out of this closet”

PikaPretty: GodDamn Kiri

DesignatedDecorater: You should have seen my face when he said that, it went as blank as my resume

CrocsAreValid: But then he sighed and pulled me into a kiss by the collar of my shirt <3

Newton’sAHoe: YES

Newton’sAHoe: HELL YES YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS KIRI?!

CrocsAreValid: DOUBLE DATE WITH OUR BEAUTIFUL BABES?

Newton’sAHoe: FUCK YES DOUBLE DATE WITH OUR BEAUTIFUL BABES

DesignatedDecorater: My face

DesignatedDecorater: It burns

KermitKin: The blush never fades Sero

KermitKin: Get used to it

DesignatedDecorater:...... Well I have Kiri so

DesignatedDecorater: It's worth it <3

CrocsAreValid: ANDNZMnznamlakAkajjAKKA

CrocsAreValid: Baby I'm coming to kiss your face off

PikaPretty: God I want a love like that

90’sLavaLamp: Same

DIEnamite: Question for the mother’s and fuckers of this group chat

TheMid2000’s: Tag yourself I’m the fucker

DIEnamite: Since Shitty Hair and Scotch Tape are both in the BakuSquad

DIEnamite: WHO the Fuck do we give the shovel talk to?

PikaPretty:... Oh shit

PikaPretty: He's got a point

90’sLavaLamp:..... I guess

90’sLavaLamp: Both of them?

LovelyLavender: That sounds good

CuteKakashi: I’m fine with that

DIEnamite: It's been voted on

DIEnamite: So if either of you hurt each other

DIEnamite: I WILL Break your respective faces

DIEnamite: And if need be I’ll break both your faces at the same time

DIEnamite: Capiche?

CrocsAreValid: Yes bro!

DesignatedDecorater: Yes captain!

TheMid2000’s: Holy shit they really are in a gang

Newton’sAHoe: It's like they're in The Godfather

CrocsAreValid: The GodFather Bakugo?

DesignatedDecorater: Sorry we only know The Good Father Bakugou

DIEnamite:.....Shut the fuck up you beautiful bastards

12:55

Prívate PM

{SadColgate to DIEnamite}

SadColgate: How do I send your fanfic to my father?

DIEnamite: ........

DIEnamite: You’re trying to give him a heart attack aren’t you?

SadColgate: Very much so, Yes

DIEnamite:.....

DIEnamite: Alright, which one are you sending?

SadColgate:........

SadColgate:... There’s more than one?

DIEnamite: There’s seven

SadColgate:.......

SadColgate: Send

SadColgate: T hem

SadColgate: All

DIEnamite: The deed shall be done

Chapter Text

4:30 AM

{PikaPretty and 7 others have logged on}

PikaPretty: Okay so hypothetically could MonomaBro touch Pro Hero Hawks and get red wings?

PikaPretty: Cause if he could he’d look like Icarus

LovelyLavender: The Sun Fucker?

PikaPretty: Yup!

LovelyLavender: Very appropriate Kami

PikaPretty:: Why thank you~

PikaPretty: @TheGreenCareBear Your Thoughts?

TheGreenCareBear: Hypothetically I believe he could, but this all relies on his ability to copy physical modification quirks.

TheGreenCareBear: Can he, for example, copy Tokoyami’s quirk and get a dark shadow of his own? Or would he take Tokoyami’s Dark shadow and copy his face?

TheGreenCareBear: So, in conclusion, its a very complicated question that requires more research

PikaPretty: Or an experiment?

TheGreenCareBear: Yes an experiment would be wonderful!

TheMid2000’s: Why

TheMid2000’s: After abandoning this group chat for a whole ass month

TheMid2000’s: Do y’all decide to revive it at 4:30 AM on a FUCKING SATURDAY

LovelyLavender: Cause sleep is for the weak

PikaPretty: You say that

PikaPretty: Yet you pass out on me every time we have a movie night

LovelyLavender: It's your presence

LovelyLavender: It's too calming for me

TheMid2000’s: How

TheMid2000’s: He never shuts up

LovelyLavender: He’s like a favorite song on repeat

LovelyLavender: I don’t mind it

TheGreenCareBear: That’s smooth as shit Shinsou what the fuck

PikaPretty: I’m crying in this Chili's tonight

TheMid2000’s: Before you swoon like a maiden on a quest Kaminari

TheMid2000’s: Please answer my question

PikaPretty: Well, you see my therapist said if I can’t sleep I should try and write out what’s keeping me awake

TheMid2000’s: And Monoma is what’s keeping you up?

TheMid2000’s: Damn, Ayoama is gonna have to assassinate you

PikaPretty: Shut the fuck up headphones that only work on one side

TheMid2000’s: How

TheMis2000’s: Dare you

PikaPretty: Vengeance, it called me

PikaPretty: But really I just wake up some times and think things like

PikaPretty: “If Todoroki grew a beard would half of it be on fire and the other half be frozen”

PikaPretty: I can’t control it

TheGreenCareBear: I feel that in the very depths of my soul

TheGreenCareBear: Sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat thinking

TheGreenCareBear: “ If Aizawa-Sensei deactivated Tokoyami’s quirk would he lose his face?”

PikaPretty: Also

PikaPretty: “ Did Tsuyu’s mom give birth to her or did Tsuyu come from an egg?”

TheGreenCareBear: Oh my god yes

LovelyLavender: If you two made a podcast you’d cure my insomnia

LovelyLavender: And my depression

PikaPretty: Then I guess we’re making a podcast, you in Midoriya?

TheGreenCareBear: Yes I am when do we start

PikaPretty: Today at 10 AM

TheMid2000’s: Why so fucking early

PikaPretty: Cause the Emo Meeting is tonight and I don’t wanna miss it

LovelyLavender: Plus the BakuSquad game night is at midnight so he’s got a busy night

PikaPretty: Yup!

PikaPretty: I’m gonna try and get more sleep before then though, so goodnight guys!

LovelyLavender: Night Kami

{PikaPretty has logged off}

TheMid2000’s: Goodnight Its 4 am

LovelyLavender: Goodnight isn’t a phrase that is measured by the time of day

LovelyLavender: It's a phrase that’s measured

LovelyLavender: By your soul

TheMid2000’s:......

TheMid2000’s: Go to sleep Shinsou

9:20 AM

{DIEnamite and 16 others have logged on}

DIEnamite: Are you, idiots

DIEnamite: Just incapable of a normal sleeping schedule

DIEnamite: Or do you simply covet the cold embrace of the final sleep?

DIEnamite: Cause I can make that happen

SadColgate: The fact that you use the word covet on a semi-regular basis makes me want to take you to an Emo Meeting Bakugou

DesignatedDecorater: Don’t you dare take another one of my children away to the darkness Todoroki

BillNye: Your children?

BillNye: What is this family dynamic?

DesignatedDecorater: It's confusing but we all love and support each other so we don’t question it

SadColgate: If you're so supportive then let him go to an Emo Meeting

DesignatedDecorater: No

DesignatedDecorater: He’s not Emo so it doesn’t count

DIEnamite: If Y'all are done acting like bickering kingdoms wanting my hand in marriage

DIEnamite: I’d like to check on my sleep deprived idiots

CuteKakashi: I don’t think it’s acting for Todoroki

TheSun: Très vrai mon étoile

CuteKakashi: I swear to god I will become fluent in French for the sole purpose of understanding what you are saying

SpyMaster: Should we tell him?

90’sLavaLamp: Don’t you dare

DIEnamite: @LovelyLavender , @PikaPretty , @TheGreenCareBear , and @TheMid2000’s

DIEnamite: Are you idiots alive?

TheMid2000’s: Don’t you dare wake me up

{TheMid2000’s has logged off}

{LovelyLavender has logged on}

LovelyLavender: I'm more than just alive Bakugou

LovelyLavender: I’m prospering

CrocsAreValid: Did Kami finally take you to that cat cafe you wanted to go to?

DesignatedDecorater: Did Aizawa Sensei officially adopt you?

90’sLavaLamp: Did your order of caffeinated tea come in?

CuteKakashi: Did you finally kick the asses of the general studies students who used to pick on you?

DIEnamite: Did you finally get some fucking sleep

Newton’sAHoe: Jesús Christ did you guys coordinate that

DIEnamite: No

DesignatedDecorater: We’re

90’sLavaLamp: Just

CrocsAreValid: That

CuteKakashi: Good

KakashiFusion: And today is the day we learned the fear of God

DIEnamite: Back to the fucking topic

DIEnamite: How are you prospering Troll Doll?

LovelyLavender: Kami and Midoriya are actually recording the first episode of their podcast at this very moment

LovelyLavender: And it’s the most soothing thing I’ve ever heard in my life

DIEnamite: What the fuck do those two do on a podcast?

LovelyLavender: They discuss quirk theories, their favorite things, and childhood stories

LovelyLavender: Speaking of which Bakugou can you make me a candle? Midoriya mentioned you making some when you were both ten

CrocsAreValid: Bro

CrocsAreValid: You can make candles??!

DIEnamite: Damnit Deku now I’m never gonna live this down

DIEnamite: Yes I can make the best fucking candles you will ever smell

DIEnamite: But I will not make you or anyone else one

CrocsAreValid:Bro

DIEnamite: No

SadColgate: Bakugou I will buy all the necessary ingredients/ equipment for it if you do

DIEnamite: No

DesignatedDecorater: Ah Damn

SadColgate: I’ll also buy you a new AllMight blanket

CuteKakashi: Will

CuteKakashi: Will that work?

DIEnamite:......With your bastard fathers credit card?

90’sLavaLamp: Apparently it will Holy Shit

SadColgate: Always

DIEnamite:....Throw In some Spicy Udon and I’ll do it

SadColgate: Brb I’m going to go order all the stuff on Amazon

SadColgate: And I will take you out for spicy udon tomorrow Bakugou

{SadColgate has logged off}

DIEnamite: Todoroki you fucking little shit

DIEnamite: YOU DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO BUY

DIEnamite: I’ll be back, I’m gonna stop him from ordering shit we don’t fucking need

{DIEnamite has logged off}

Newton’sAHoe: Please Cthuhlu 

Newton’sAHoe: Someone has to follow them when they go out for Udon tomorrow

CuteKakashi: Why?

Newton’sAHoe: Cause I want to see how they interact when we’re not around

SpyMaster: I’m on it like a fly on the wall

90’sLavaLamp: Send pictures when you start snooping tomorrow??

SpyMaster: Of course~

ThePumpkinKing: You do know they can see this right?

KermitKin:  What he meant to say was

KermitKin: If you let them see this they will kill you without mercy

SpyMaster: Don't worry!

SpyMaster: I'll just text Hatsume in a minute and ask her to delete our plan from the GC <3

Newton’sAHoe: Bless you, Goddess,

BillNye:......Guys, I don’t mean to break up the mood but

BillNye: Isn’t spying on their date too much of an invasion of their privacy?

KermitKin: Ah But Momo

KermitKin: They didn’t call it a date, and they’re not dating

KermitKin: So it’s fair game

BillNye: ......I suppose

BillNye: You're right

SpyMaster: Hell to the yeah

BillNye: But! You shouldn’t stay the entire time and don’t let them hear/ notice you; it’d ruin their outing Hagakure

SpyMaster: Aye Aye Captain!

BillNye: Good!

BillNye: Also, what is the name of Midoriya and Kaminari’s podcast? You've piqued my interest 

LovelyLavender: It's called Hero Theory Hour

Newton’sAHoe: Oh my god that’s so cute

Newton’sAHoe: Is it online yet, please say it is?

LovelyLavender: It is officially up ladies and gentlemen and nonbinary besties

TheSun: Thomas Sanders?

LovelyLavender: Yup

TheSun: Absolutely Lovely <3

5:30 PM

When Did We Become Parents GC

{AccidentalFather and 6 others have logged on}

AccidentalFather: @SuperStripper

AccidentalFather: Why can I hear my kid's voices coming from your headphones

GoodGrandma: Aren’t all of you supposed to be doing lesson plans?

AccidentalFather: Yes, we are

AccidentalFather: As I was saying Nemuri why do I hear Kaminari and Midoriya’s voices?

HardKnockLife: The way he avoided that question tho

GoodGrandma: Shouldn’t you be working on lesson plans too?

HardKnockLife: @SuperStripper Answer the man's question, please

{SuperStripper has logged on}

SuperStripper: Shota your kids

AccidentalFather: What about my kids

SuperStripper: I love them and I’m stealing them

AccidentalFather:..........

AccidentalFather: No

SuperStripper: Please Shota Just let me adopt ONE

AccidentalFather: Never, But also why?

SuperStripper: Midoriya and Kaminari have made a podcast about heroes and quirks!

SuperStripper: They even had your purple son as their first guest star

AccidentalFather:......GodDamnit

AccidentalFather: What’s the Podcast’s name

SuperStripper: Hero Theory Hour~

SuperStripper: Ya know your husband is listening to it too right?

AccidentalFather: No I didn’t know, no wonder he looks like he’s ready to squeal

AccidentalFather: Jesus Hizashi is going to buy them professional equipment

HardKnockLife: How do you know that?

AccidentalFather: I can feel it in my bones

{LivingSoundSystem has logged on}

LivingSoundSystem: SHOTA HAVE YOU HEARD

AccidentalFather: What did I tell you?

LivingSoundSystem: OUR SONS HAVE MADE A PODCAST

LivingSoundSystem: AND I AM SO PROUD OF THEM

LivingSoundSystem: CAN WE BUY THEM A NEW MIC SET??!

AccidentalFather: We will if you turn off the caps button Hizashi

LivingSoundSystem: Okie <3

HardKnockLife: So fast

SuperStripper: I need me a love like that

SuperStripper: And like 23 kids

SuperStripper: But I guess I’ll have to settle for Auntie Minnie cause Shota won’t share

LivingSoundSystem: Honey, just become a homeroom teacher

LivingSoundSystem: Then you can adopt the Junior high kids who are applying next year

SuperStripper: Be right back I have to go talk to Nedzu about becoming an official mother

{SuperStripper has logged off}

AccidentalFather: I pray for her children

LivingSoundSystem: Awww Shota, don’t say that.

LivingSoundSystem: We’ll teach her how to be a parent!

HardKnockLife: I pray for her children

LivingSoundSystem: GASP

LivingSoundSystem: B e t r a y l

LivingSoundSystem: Oh! I almost forgot

LivingSoundSystem: Shota, I think you need to call Endeavor  

AccidentalFather: Why would I ever need to do that Hizashi

LivingSoundSystem: Well Yagi texted me and said he had a minor stroke

LivingSoundSystem: So should we call him and ask him if he wants Todorki to come to visit him in the hospital?

LivingSoundSystem: Shota?

LivingSoundSystem: Honey?

5:35 PM 

Private PM

{AccidentalFather to SadColgate}

AccidentalFather: What did you do 

SadColgate: My best

AccidentalFather: Is your best Illegal?

SadColgate:.................................................................................................................................

SadColgate: Technically

SadColgate: No

AccidentalFather: Good

AccidentalFather: Don't Do It Again

AccidentalFather: (Without my permission)

SadColgate: I-I Thank you?

SadColgate: Is this what loving a father is like

SadColgate: God I've been missing out these past 16 years

AccidentalFather: ...................

AccidentalFather: On second thought

AccidentalFather: Make him suffer

Chapter Text

6:10 PM

Private PM

{SadColgate to DIEnamite}

SadColgate: Can I propose to you again?

DIEnamite: It has not been ten years IcyHot

DIEnamite: And why the fuck are you asking again?

SadColgate: Aside from generally wanting your presence every day?

DIEnamite: Nah, try again

DIEnamite: Nobody wants that shit

SadColgate: Ex-Fucking-Cuse me? You are a delight

DIEnamite: There's a shit ton of lies and slander today isn't there IcyHot

SadColgate: ........

SadColgate: That's it, I'm coming over

SadColgate: And I'm pulling up American Home Videos of children falling over for us to watch on my phone

DIEnamite: Bitch no, you have that shitty ass Emo Meeting tonight

SadColgate: I'll just skip this one, I have enough  rage to make up for it

DIEnamite: Bird-Lord will have your soul

SadColgate: He can't take what I don't have Bakugou

DIEnamite:.......Bring me some wasabi Kit Kat's?

SadColgate: On it KingKatsu

6:15 PM

{DIEnamite and 18 others have logged on}

{DIEnamite has changed their name to KingKatsu}

CrocsAreValid: Bro! That looks so cool

PikaPretty: And eerily accurate

KingKatsu: Shut the fuck up Pikachu

KingKatsu: Shouldn't you be applying eyeliner right now?

PikaPretty: Not yet, the meetings on hold for a few minutes

DesignatedDecorater: Why?? Tokoyami is usually pretty time conscious

PikaPretty: Cause Tokoyami is calling Hawks right now to ask him to come to visit the campus for our HTH experiment!

TheGreenCareBear: And all it took was my attendance at the meeting today!

90'sLavaLamp: You're what at the what

CrocsAreValid: NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

BillNye: Oh dear it seems they've taken Midoriya as well

DesignatedDecorater: Tokoyami you monster

DesignatedDecorater: TAKE ME INSTEAD

DesignatedDecorater: I BEG OF YOU, JUST DONT TAKE THE CHILD

TheGreenCareBear: -_- Seriously guys?

TheGreenCareBear: I'm not a baby!

Newton'sAHoe: Yes you are

Newton'sAHoe: Your mine and Tsuyu's baby

90'sLavaLamp: We love our lesbian moms

KermitKin: Son

KermitKin: I'm very disappointed in you

theGreenCareBear: I've never felt the need to go wash dishes in redemption more then I do now

Newton'sAHoe: Good

TheGreenCareBear: But I really want to know if Monoma can copy Hawk's wings so I'm going to ignore it!

90'sLavaLamp: Oh Shit

SpyMaster: And so the teen rebellion begins

LovelyLavender: That

LovelyLavender: Or he and Todoroki just switched places

SpyMaster: Shinsou I love that theory

SpyMaster: But how did you come to that conclusion???

LovelyLavender: 

LovelyLavender: This

LovelyLavender: This is my scientific evidence that shows that Todoroki and Midoriya have switched personalities

SpyMaster: HOLY WHAT

Newton’sAHoe: MY EYESMSLANDLABQNKQMQLQLAMSNKSL

CrocsAreValid: I'm crying?

CrocsAreValid: Tears of pure happiness are cascading down my face

CrocsAreValid: Baby hold me?

DesignatedDecorater: I’ve got you, baby,

DesignatedDecorater: We’ll cry together

KakashiFusion: I'm glad Tokoyami isn’t online right now

KermitKin: Why??

KakashiFusion: There’s too much cuteness in this chat, he’d turn into literal ashes before our eyes

KermitKin:...

KermitKin: Actually ya know what that sounds accurate

BillNye: My Son is SMILING

TheGreenCareBear: Oh shit Mama Momo

BillNye: God is real

BillNye: AND SHE IS GOOD

LovelyLavender: Yeah, it’s pretty rare so I thought I’d send it to you guys

BillNye: Thank you, so much

TheMid2000’s: Wait for it Shinsou

LovelyLavender: ???

PikaPretty: Awwwww! Todoroki looks so soft when he smiles <3

Newton’sAHoe: I know right?!!

LovelyLavender:.......

TheMid2000’s: Did you forget that Todoroki is our trademark pretty boy Shinsou?

LovelyLavender: ......I may have

TheMid2000’s: And did you forget that pretty boys are Kami’s weakness

LovelyLavender: Ą̵̛̥͇̻͍̝͕̻̜̭̜̲͕̲̩̓͆̊̎̊͒͒͘͝l̴̛̼̹̩̭͉͚̝̳͉̰͍̻̩͂͑̿̏̂ͅr̵̨̹̬̪͇̣̺̮̱̘̆͒̿̋̐̌̈́̎̈́̚͘͝i̴̳̺̳̪̜͉̍͂̋́̐̿͂̅̈́̕̕g̷̗͌͝͠h̶̢͈̪͍̤̘̻̟̯̘̪̼̀͋͋̕ț̵͖͎̜͉͇̘̩̦̖̰͔̜̏͐̄̈́̈̍̒͒̈͛̽̚̕ ̸̛̛̻̝͖͍̯͔̯̈́̆͒̆̃̊͒͠͠͝J̵͇̣̗̬͍̞͉͙̗̜̹̰̓̍̃́̃̑̕͜͜͠ï̶͚̬͚͔̥͓̪͖͎̬̲̗̈́͊̔̏̃̆͠r̵̡̛̹͈̱͚͉͓̟͕̞͊̾̏̑̒̑̆̈́̅͝͝ͅö̶̧̩̮̥̬̯̻̞̻͆̑̌̈́̎̅̏̂̚͝u̶̲̮͚̤͚͊̑͋̄̉̃̽͌̑͑͝ ̸͙̗̃̿͋͗̂̓̕͘̚m̴̨̡̪͎̯̱͇̳̰̬̔̽͊̒̆̓̋͌̉̓͌͒͝͝ȩ̶̯̹̺̠͍̮͠e̶̛̹̻̭̍̇͂͗̆͋̉͌̚̚͝t̴̤̼̬͚͙͉̦͑̍̊͐̀̈͊̎̚͝͠ ̸̛̱̜͇͗̋͂̈̏̔̽̊̆m̸̖͌̎͒͛̓̊̃̒ë̷̡̳̦̬͔̬̤͚́͊͝ͅ ̶̦̌̏̈̿̄̋͛̚͘͠ï̵̢̗̳̩̻̝͍͎̬̝͉̱͇̉̃͊̓̈̈͠ͅṉ̵̢̗̰̯͋̃̾͋́̄̈̍̈́͘ ̸͕͔͎͂̋̇̃͂͑͒̄̔̓͆t̶̨͚̼̰̩̦̪̻̱͛͒͂̈́̓͘ȟ̷̡̡͕̫͙̦̝̘̺̭͔̜͊̒̈́̕e̴̡̡̡̢̘̮͎̻͉̲̭̞̲̠ ̵̧̠̟͂̓̋̏͂͛̄̀f̸͍̬͙͓̹̹͙̱͉͛̐̄̋u̶͙̜̩̳̺̺͉̪̩̓̑͋̑͐̏̽̆͋͜͝c̴̛̮͉̗̪͍̳͚̝͓̣̝̰͗ķ̶͇̩̖̣̝̖̩̝̺̾i̸̙̻͆̽͗̈̌̽̚ṉ̵̡̝̜̞̠̜̖̘̆͜ ̴̜̯̰̙͚͈͍̿͐̔̉̀̂̿̈́͜͝͠ͅp̷̛̛͓̫͔͍̟̤̠͚͕͎̣̐̆̑̊̋̄̆͂̚̕͝i̸̧̢̠̠̩̰̹͖̹̤̺̋͛͛͋̿͗̈́͐̇̏̏́̐̕̕t̸̳̦̝̃̄̃̃̌̾̈́͗͗̽̌͝

PikaPretty: Huh?

CrocsAreValid: Its nothing honey!

CrocsAreValid: Jirou stop meddling so hard like fuck

PikaPretty: ? ? ? ? !

{ThePumpkinKing has logged on}

ThePumpkinKing: Come to me my anointed ones 

ThePumpkinKing: It                 Is                 Time 

DesignatedDecorater: So dark

DesignatedDecorater: So dramatic

DesignatedDecorater: Are you the phantom of the opera my friend?

{ThePumpkinKing has changed their name to ThePhantom}

ThePhantom: Why Yes

ThePhantom: Yes I am

DesignatedDecorater: Understandable have a nice day

ThePhantom: Alright @PikaPretty, @TheGreenCareBear, @KakashiFusion, @TheMid2000 ’s, @SadColgate, and @LovelyLavender what’s your statuses?

PikaPretty: Putting on my eyeliner!

TheMid2000’s: Grabbing my CD’s

KakashiFusion: Getting Cheetos

LovelyLavender: Stealing one of Kami’s Corpse Bride shirts

PikaPretty: Is it the one that matches the shirt I’m wearing?

LovelyLavender: Yup

PikaPretty: Then we're gonna match nail polish too, so come over to the table so I can apply it

ThePhantom: Beautiful, I love it

ThePhantom: What about the rest of you?

TheGreenCareBear: I’m on my way to your room Tokoyami! I’m bringing my comforter, but it’s yellow so is it okay?

ThePhantom: Of course you superb cinnamon roll, yellow can be Emo too

TheGreenCareBear: ^u^

Newton’sAHoe: Unexpected purity is unexpected

ThePhantom: @SadColgate what’s your status?

{SadColgate has logged on}

SadColgate: Currently watching children fall over with Bakugou

ThePhantom:...... Does this mean you will not be attending today?

SadColgate: Yes, please forgive me

ThePhantom:...... Say Ten Hail Evanescence’s and attend next time my son

SadColgate: Thank you for your mercy Father

90’sLavaLamp:.........

90’sLavaLamp: @JustDissapointed shouldn’t you be

90’sLavaLamp: C O N C E R N E D????

JustDissapointed: I am

JustDissapointed: However

JustDissapointed:....... I don’t know if Tokoyami having his own religion goes against school guidelines so I’m going to be politically correct and not interfere

90’sLavaLamp:......

90’sLavaLamp: They scare the fuck out of you don’t they?

JustDissapointed: Very much so Mina

7:00 PM

{KingKatsu and 17 others have logged on}

KingKatsu: Hows the meeting you angsty fucks?

CrocsAreValid: AKA “ Are you making my friends uncomfortable Tokoyami, if so prepare to die”

KingKatsu: Shut your fuck ShittyHair

PikaPretty: I feel so loved

PikaPretty: Don’t you feel loved Shin?

LovelyLavender: I feel positively enveloped in affection

LovelyLavender: What about you Midoriya?

TheGreenCareBear: I’m crying as we speak from all this fondness

KingKatsu: Shut all your fucks

Newton’sAHoe: Bakugou’s emotional constipation aside

Newton’sAHoe: How IS it going?

TheGreenCareBear: Really nice! We’re watching Edward Scissors Hands and cuddling while Tokoyami watches over us from his perch

Newton’sAHoe: Perch??

ThePhantom: My computer chair

KermitKin: Why aren't you in the cuddle pile Tokoyami?

ThePhantom: I find watching them all cuddling very comforting but I am not comfortable with physical contact that much

90’sLavaLamp:.....

90’sLavaLamp: Okay that’s actually really sweet, I’m fine with the religion of Tokoyami now

TheGreenCareBear: Okay but hearing Kami softly singing Never Too Late by Three Day’s Grace in English as the movie goes on is the softest thing I’ve ever seen

KakashiFusion: It is quite nice

90’sLavaLamp: Awwwwwww

KakashiFusion: Now Jirou and Shinsou have joined him, it’s adorable

KakashiFusion: Um Midoriya you okay over there?

90'sLavaLamp: Wait, what

Newton’sAHoe: Is he alright??

KakashiFusion: I don’t know, he just looked down at his phone and stopped talking

PikaPretty: He looks like he’s doing an anime double take

KingKatsu: What the fuck did you do to Deku

PikaPretty: I’m not sure

PikaPretty: But now he looks like he’s praying

KingKatsu: I swear to God I WILL come the Fuck in there if he doesn’t tell me if he’s okay

{TheGreenCareBear has logged on}

TheGreenCareBear: KACCHAN

TheGreenCareBear: KACCHAN ENDEAVOR HAD A

TheGreenCareBear: S T R O K E

KingKatsu: N O O

TheGreenCareBear: Y E S S

PikaPretty:........

PikaPretty: That’s why you were thanking Jesus?

TheGreenCareBear: Hell yeah it is

KingKatsu: Amen

KakashiFusion:....... How bad a human being is Endeavor?

KingKatsu: Look at Todoroki’s therapy bill and you’ll see how bad he is

KakashiFusion: Well Then

KakashiFusion: Preach on brother

KakashiFusion: Preach on

Newton’sAHoe: Bakugou you’re with Todoroki aren’t you, is he okay?

KingKatsu: Okay?

KingKatsu: He’s reading this over my shoulder and fucking cackling Round face

KingKatsu: So I think he’s okay

KermitKin: Midoriya How did you find out about Endeavors stroke before the news?

TheGreenCareBear: AllMight texted me and asked me if Todoroki is alright and I asked him why he wouldn’t be

TheGreenCareBear: Then I received the wonderful news that Endeavor is gonna be stuck in the hospital for a week cause of both the stroke AND his high blood pressure

BillNye: I feel kind of bad celebrating the fact that Todoroki’s father had a stroke

TheGreenCareBear: Don’t Momo

TheGreenCareBear: It was a minor one 

KingKatsu: And he’s an abusive prick who should burn in the fucking pits of hell anyway so

KingKatsu: Don’t feel bad Mother

BillNye: !!!!!!!

SpyMaster: Oh no

BillNye: You called me mother

90’sLavaLamp: Here comes mama Momo

BillNye: Endeavor’s stroke

BillNye: Is now the best thing to ever happen to me 

KingKatsu: Same- Todoroki

KingKatsu: DON’T TAKE MY PHONE TO TEXT THEM, YOU HAVE YOUR OWN YOU LAZY BASTARD

KingKatsu: No I refuse to pause the falling children videos-Todoroki

KingKatsu: They're my reason to live- Todoroki

Chapter Text

11:19 AM

Chapter Text

6:30 AM

Chapter Text

 11:45 AM

Chapter Text

 7:00 PM

{DesignatedDecorater and 15 others have logged on}

Chapter Text

6:30 AM

{ Newton’sAHoe and 15 others have logged on} 

Newton’sAHoe: Do we even want to know why everyone looks traumatized?

KermitKin: Or why Kami is begging us to not read yesterday’s chat? 

DesignatedDecorater: You Don’t

DesignatedDecorater: You really 

DesignatedDecorater:  Don’t

Newton’sAHoe: Well now I’m just curious 

Newton’sAHoe: Iida, you’re 50% of impulse control

CuteKakashi:  Just 50?

Newton’sAHoe:  Tsu is the other 50 %

Newton’sAHoe: What do you think I should do? 

JustDissapointed: Put the phone down 

JustDissapointed:  And pretend there is a god 

Newton’sAHoe:...

Newton’sAHoe:  @EveryMotherAndFuckerUpInHere  

Newton'sAHoe: What  did you do to him? 

PikaPretty: Nothing we’re proud of 

SadColagte:  That’s presumptuous  

KingKatsu : Yeah, speak for yourself Pikachu

Newton’sAHoe: Ah,

Newton’sAHoe: So it  was  you  two

KingKatsu: Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t 

KingKatsu: The only way to find out  

SadColagte:  Is to read the chat

Newton’sAHoe:...

{ Newton’sAHoe has changed SadColgate’s name to SovereignSho} 

SovereignSho: I have 

SovereignSho:  Questions?

TheMid2000’s: Same

PikaPretty: Urakara 

PikaPretty: W h y 

Newton’sAHoe: Cause If they commit the crime together 

Newton’sAHoe:  Then they get matching nicknames on their tombstones

DesignatedDecorater:  Oh Shit they dead

11:45 AM

{KingKatsu and 16 others have logged on}

PikaPretty: How the hell did you two get away with only sprained wrists?

SovereignSho: Our combined combat experience

KingKatsu: And our ability to guilt-trip RoundFace

SovereignSho: Well yes, 

SovereignSho: That too

PikaPretty: How the hell did You guilt-trip her enough to survive traumatizing Iida 

TheMid2000’s: Yeah, I thought you two  would be in pine boxes by now 

SovereignSho: If any of you bury me in a pine box 

SovereignSho:  I will haunt you till the day you die    

LovelyLavender:  Promise Mr.GucciGhost?

PikaPretty: We'll finally get to use the  EMF detectors! 

TheMid2000’s: Alright Zak Bagan chill your jets

SovereignSho: As for how we survived

SovereignSho: Well We mentioned that our son would become an orphan should she kill us. 

KingKatsu: And that he would inevitably gather a massive hamster army and wage war against humans to avenge our deaths 

SovereignSho: It would be a shame for the great rodent war to be on her hands 

PikaPretty: As the uncle of CopyCat I would like to say 

PikaPretty: With father's like his we'd be doomed  

LovelyLavender: That may be true 

LovelyLavender: But I still  doubt those balls of fluff and sunshine are capable of that

TheMid2000’s: You’ve never actually owned a hamster have you?

TheMid2000’s: Cause they are  more  than capable of overthrowing us and forming a utopian society 

KakashiFusion:  Why a utopian one?

TheGreenCareBear: Thank you all so much for making me paranoid 

TheGreenCareBear: Of

TheGreenCareBear:  H A M S T E R S 

TheMid2000’s: They have tiny hands that they rub together

TheMid2000’s:   They cannot he trusted Midoriya 

TheGreenCareBear: Does that rule apply to raccoons as well? 

TheMid2000’s: Hm, they don’t know how human governments work

TheMid2000's: So no 

90’sLavaLamp:  But hamsters do???

KakashiFusion:  You watched Hamtoro as a kid didn't you Jirou 

TheMid2000’s: The tiny trash pandas can be trusted 

LovelyLavender: Tiny Trash Panda, what a mood 

{ThePhantom has logged on}

ThePhantom: Guys

PikaPretty: When are we going to discuss the true monsters here

PikaPretty: Aka the American possum

ThePhantom:  Guys

TheMid2000’s: I actually don’t know what American possums look like, aren’t they like the Australian ones?

ThePhantom:  Deprived souls of the abyss answer my call

LovelyLavender: Nah bro American possums are all 

LovelyLavender: P o s s e s e d

PikaPretty: Its kind of sad their only marsupial is a straight-up demon 

ThePhantom:  I swear to all things holy if I have to take over the government before Bakugou and Todoroki's small son can  

ThePhantom:   Just   to get you to listen

ThePhantom: İ̴̡̱͎̲̥̬̜͔̭̣̹̯̳̪̺̗̰̝̯̙̙͎͖͍̣̒̅̇̈́͒̎͆͒̀͗̊̉̀̓̒̊̓̐͆̚͠ ̶̠̥͔͍̖̊̑̉̉̓͂̉̍̾͐͋̚̚͜͝͝͝Ẅ̴̩͖̦͖͇̺͙͎̹̟̤̮͙̼͍̈͊̎̇͊̈́͆͐͑̎̉̽̽̈́̊̀̿͜͠͠ͅí̸̼̑l̴͔̜̲̤̠̬̺̥̳̝̣͔̱͌̆͌̉̽̑̊̉͒̑̂̏͠l̸͙̞̤̰̩̫͈̆̐͌͛̂̂͛̅̀̈̔̿͗̇̂̏́̄ͅ

SovereignSho:......

SovereignSho: You have our attention Father Tokoyami 

ThePhantom:  Thank you, my child

90’sLavaLamp:  The religion grows stronger every day

ThePhantom: As I was trying to say 

ThePhantom: My Bird Dad is here to touch Monoma

TheMid2000’s: Rephrase that 

The1TailedBeast: PLEASE rephrase that 

ThePhantom: My Avian Father is here to experiment with Monoma 

TheMid2000’s:  That's somehow worse 

DesignatedDecorater: Although if we’re going by Monomas face right now 

DesignatedDecorater: He wouldn’t mind either of those statements 

CuteKakashi:  Sero shut the Fuck up  

CuteKakashi: He’s just 

CuteKakashi: .... Very attractive 

DesignatedDecorater:.... I’ll be honest 

DesignatedDecorater: I wasn’t expecting you to confirm it 

CuteKakashi: Have you seen that man?

CuteKakashi: It’d be both a lie AND a crime to deny my attraction to him 

TheSun: Rival amoureux

TheSun: I will destroy him 

90’sLavaLamp: good luck Aoyama, I wish you the best in your endea-

KingKatsu: Don’t 

SovereignSho:  Say  

TheGreenCareBear:  It  

90’sLavaLamp: -ring conquest! 

SovereignSho: Nice save 

90’sLavaLamp: Thank you, It was born from my desperation to not get brutally murdered 

ThePhantom: My Father is at the dorms  

ThePhantom: Should I tell him to let himself in, or warn him that Monoma will jump his bones when we return? 

CuteKakashi:  Im not trying to jump his bones damnit 

CuteKakashi: Im just mildly infatuated with him

CrocsAreValid: Okay but, 

CrocsAreValid: Can you elaborate on that 

KingKatsu: Step aside bastards, let me translate 

LovelyLavender: What does his highnesses linguistic abilities say about Monoma’s statement? 

KingKatsu: The present tense of his confession indicates 

KingKatsu: He's got a hard-on for the glorified pigeon

CuteKakashi:  My King has betrayed m e 

JustDissapointed:  And that somehow surprised you?  

TheGreenCareBear:  You might want to cut back on the salt Iida, you’ll give him cholesterol issues  

CuteKakashi: Where the fuck is The French Revolution when you need it? 

TheSun: Darling

TheSun: Im right here 

5:30 PM 

{PikaPretty and 16 others have logged on}

PikaPretty: Is 

PikaPretty: Is Hawks wearing, what I  think  he’s wearing? 

PikaPretty: Cause if so I may have to fight Tokoyami to the death for the right to be that man's student 

SovereignSho: If you think he’s wearing the  “Former Emo Support Group”  shirt from Hot Topic 

SovereignSho: Then you’re correct 

PikaPretty: Well damn, I guess this means you gotta die Toko 

ThePhantom: Im fine with that 

JustDissapointed:  Where’s the number for the mental health office at?  

KingKatsu:  Just text the depressed dad, he has it memorized 

The1TailedBeast:  The  Fuck  you are Tokoyami, you bastard, you’re gonna live and you’re gonna like it 

ThePhantom:......... Is that inspiring or insulting

ThePhantom: I can’t tell which 

The1TailedBeast: Maybe it’s both  Mr.Xx_Darkness_xX

ThePhantom: H

ThePhantom:  How did you find my Tumblr page 

The1TailedBeast:..... I didn’t 

The1TailedBeast:  But I can now  

DesignatedDecorater: I’ve never been on Tumblr before in my life 

SovereignSho:  A sound life decision 

DesignatedDecorater: But now I will be creating an account for the sole purpose of reading Tokoyami’s edgy poetry 

Newton’sAHoe: Same! 

ThePhantom:  sHIT! 

90’sLavaLamp: Can we get back to the matter at hand 

SpyMaster: I don’t even remember what we were talking about earlier 

90’sLavaLamp: Hawk’s hotness and status as a former Emo 

SpyMaster: Ohhhh wow

SpyMaster: We got off topic didn’t we?

90’sLavaLamp: Yup 

90’sLavaLamp: I blame it on Tokoyami and  Orijou’s complex courting ritual

ThePhantom:  Our what

{ MyEyeliner’sBetter has entered the chat}

MyEyeliner’sBetter: Why is my bird son squawking 

PikaPretty:  He acknowledges his dadhood

PikaPretty : There's no way this man could be more perfect

CuteKakashi:  He bench pressed three heroes in an interview once  

PikaPretty:  I stand corrected  

ThePhantom: HOW

ThePhantom: DID YOU GET IN HERE 

MyEyeliner’sBetter: PresentMic set me up an employee account for my visit

MyEyeliner’sBetter: Although I low-key think he’s trying to get me to stay and teach 

SoverignSho: Day one and you’re already getting recruited by a cult 

SovereignSho: Impressive 

MyEyeliner’sBetter: Thank you, my  personal  best for cult recruitment was 30 minutes 

MyEyeliner’sBetter: Baby Bird,  seriously are you okay?

MyEyeliner’sBetter: You sounds like you’re choking 

ThePhantom:  IM  NOT  OKAY

PikaPretty:  You promise?

ThePhantom: You, the man who rushed me to both a doctor  and  a vet when I sprained my  pinkie  toe, can see the stupid shit I do now 

ThePhantom: Im going to be Incased in bubble wrap by  nightfall  

MyEyeliner’sBetter: Baby Bird you know damn well  I don’t trust you around bubble wrap anymore 

ThePhantom:... I had hoped you had forgotten that

MyEyeliner’sBetter:  I will never forget when you almost got killed  by bubble wrap 

Newton’sAHoe: I need that story more then I need  air

90’sLavaLamp: And the story behind Tokoyami’s nickname cause 

90’sLavaLamp: BABY 

90’sLavaLamp:  BIRD

ThePhantom:  Oh god no 

MyEyeliner’sBetter: Well it all started when Tokoyami came to intern with me 

MyEyeliner’sBetter: He came in a cloak of pure darkness, so of course I knew I had met a kindred spirit 

90’sLavaLamp:  Oh God  Yes

MyEyeliner’sBetter: I was ready to deal with a ball of angst, hatred, and possibly daddy issue. 

MyEyeliner’sBetter: But instead I got my soft son who is only mildly angsty

MyEyeliner’sBetter: Do you know he freed all the birds from a pet shop near my place? 

90’sLavaLamp: NO

90’sLavaLamp: HE  DIDNT  

MyEyeliner’sBetter:  Ah but he did  

MyEyeliner’sBetter: Of course I had to pay for all the birds he freed but I didn’t mind 

MyEyeliner’sBetter: It was adorable 

ThePhantom:  Dad please, I have a reputation  

TheMid2000’s: I’m loving this 

TheMid2000’s: Can we invite your dad to the emo meetings sometime? 

MyEyeliner’sBetter: Meetings? 

SovereignSho: I  need  to know what his favorite band is 

MyEyeliner’sBetter: Currently?

MyEyeliner’sBetter: Ice Nine Kills 

PikaPretty:  Please say he can come

ThePhantom:..... Oh for god's sake 

ThePhantom: F I N  E 

ThePhantom: But someone’s gonna have to tell Aizawa Sensei why Hawks is visiting a tiny religion 

MyEyeliner’sBetter:......a tiny religion?

ThePhantom: Ah well, club works too...

MyEyeliner’sBetter:.......

MyEyeliner’sBetter:  Tokoyami Fumikage you better not have a small cult up in this bitch 

ThePhantom: But it’s a  nice  cult! 

KingKatsu: Somehow 

KingKatsu:  This  is our fucking lives 

MyEyeliner’sBetter: Toko we will talk about this...  later

MyEyeliner’sBetter: Right now, 

MyEyeliner’sBetter: Which one of you is Monoma? 

CuteKakashi: That would be me 

MyEyeliner’sBetter: Hey little blonde bro!

MyEyeliner’sBetter: Sorry I took so long to get to the experiment 

90’sLavaLamp:  Oh shit I forgot that was why he was here

MyEyeliner’sBetter: My son distracted me 

ThePhantom: Hey don’t blame me, you distracted yourself 

MyEyeliner’sBetter: Remind me which one of us has an emo religion again? 

ThePhantom:...Okay, fair.