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Language:
English
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Published:
2014-06-16
Words:
1,388
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1/1
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35
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693
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happy Father’s Day dad :-)

Summary:

@Calum5SOS: @Ashton5SOS happy Father’s Day dad :-)

Notes:

this is based off a prompt that at least 40 people gave me im not joking i didnt know about the tweet from the tweet notification i knew about it because as soon as it happened i got about 5 different people yelling YOU AHVE TO WRITE A FIC ABOTU THIS PLEAS at me and i was lke maybe Maybe but then i did and it's not really that great but its just a lot of banter basically oops

Work Text:

@Calum5SOS: @Ashton5SOS happy Father’s Day dad :-)

The tweet pops up on Michael’s phone first, and he chokes on his mouthful of toast, letting his phone clatter onto the table as he struggles between laughter and breathing. Calum’s sitting opposite him, and he smirks and carries on retweeting and favouriting and following as if nothing has happened.

“Calum,” Michael says weakly, once he’s swapped choked laughter for getting oxygen into his lungs. “Calum, Ashton’s going to kill you.”

“I know,” Calum says happily. “But it’s payback for having to listen to Luke moan it all of last night.”

“Oh my God,” Michael says. “I- why didn’t you wait until I’d finished my toast? I nearly died.” Calum shrugs.

“It would have been an added bonus,” he says, and Michael scowls and opens his mouth to reply but is cut off by a strangled scream from the bunk area.

“Calum!” Ashton yells, and then there’s movement, a small ow, fuck, what was that for? from Luke and heavy footsteps stomping into the kitchen area. Ashton appears a few moments later, dishevelled and tired-looking with messy hair and nothing but a pair of jogging bottoms hanging low on his waist but a hot glare focused on Calum. Calum tries not to smirk before Ashton’s even said anything.

“Calum Thomas Hood,” Ashton says dangerously, once he reaches the table Calum and Michael are sat at. “You delete that tweet right now.”

“No,” Calum says. “Freedom of speech, Irwin.”

“Freedom of speech does not include exposing me to the world!” Ashton says. “I’m going to sue you for- for slander.”

“Slander is lies, though,” Michael points out. “You do have a daddy kink.”

“Oh my God,” Ashton mutters, and his face heats up a little at Michael’s words so Calum nudges Michael’s knee under the table, a small well done that makes Michael smile to himself. “Don’t ever say that again. We aren’t discussing kinks. This isn’t what it’s about.”

“It is,” Calum says, “because that’s what the tweet was about.”

“Stop tweeting about my daddy kink!” Ashton splutters. “It’s a private matter!”

“If it’s private why does Luke scream it loud enough to wake up the whole of Australia?” Calum demands.

“We’re not even in Australia,” Ashton says.

“Exactly!” Michael puts in.

“What do I do?” Luke asks, ambling into the kitchen area scratching the back of his head and yawning. He wraps an arm around Ashton’s waist and falls into him a little, and it would be cute if it weren’t Ashton and Luke. Maybe if it were Calum and Michael. They’re damn cute, Calum knows they are.

“Scream ‘daddy’ loud enough to wake Satan himself,” Calum tells him, and Luke flushes.

“Oh my God,” he mutters, sounding pained, “tell me you don’t hear that.”

“We can’t not hear it,” Michael says. “It’s lucky Ashton’s not got any stamina-“ Ashton kicks him in the shin.

“Shut up,” Ashton says. “Delete that tweet.”

“Make me,” Calum says challengingly.

“Is this the fathers’ day tweet?” Luke asks. “You put the apostrophe in the wrong place. And you didn’t capitalise ‘happy’.”

“I’m sorry, Mr Grammar-Who-Didn’t-Even-Finish-High-School,” Calum says sarcastically, “do you want to read over every single one of my tweets before I post them, then?”

“Hey,” Michael says, staring intently at his phone. “Luke’s reply has the wrong version of ‘your’ in it, so I wouldn’t get too fussed.”

“What reply?” Calum asks, grabbing Michael’s phone out of his hands and reading it because it’s easier than picking his own up from the table. “Oh my God, Luke, do you want to sound any more jealous?”

“What did he say?” Ashton asks, snatching the phone from Calum.

“Just break my phone, that’s fine,” Michael mutters. “Not like it’s my property or anything.” Everyone ignores him.

“Lukey,” Ashton groans. “You sound so jealous, seriously.”

“I am,” Luke protests.

“Don’t bring me into this daddy shit,” Calum says warningly.

“Don’t bring daddy shit into anything,” Ashton retorts.

“Don’t do daddy shit,” Michael suggests.

“Stop adding ‘shit’ after daddy,” Luke says.

“Don’t say daddy,” Michael says. “Nobody say it. It’s the unspoken word. Call it You Know What.”

“It’s not Voldemort, Mikey,” Calum says. Michael scowls.

“Every time someone says You Know What, I’ll tweet a kink of theirs. Starting with ‘Ashton Irwin has a You Know What kink’.”

“‘Cause everyone’s going to know what a You Know What kink is,” Ashton says.

“They all already know about your da-“

“I’ll do it!” Michael shrieks

“-You Know What kink, oh my God, Mikey, none of my kinks are even embarrassing,” Calum says.

“Then why didn’t you just say the word?” Michael asks.

“‘Cause I’d still rather not have the whole world know I like dirty talk,” Calum says.

“Everyone likes dirty talk,” Luke says.

“Yeah, especially you, going by Ashton last night,” Michael says.

“Why does every discussion we have end on the topic of mine and Luke’s sex life?” Ashton demands. “Are you guys that lonely?”

“No,” Calum says, “it’s a fun family topic of discussion.”

“Quite literally,” Michael adds. “Daddy.”

“You said it!” Luke crows. “I’m going to tweet one of your kinks!”

“Do you even know my kinks?” Michael asks.

“No, but Calum does,” Luke says.

“Why would Calum know my kinks?” Michael asks defensively.

“‘Cause I know you guys used to fuck around when we were in high school,” Luke says, tilting his chin up.

“Who said ‘used to’?” Calum says, and then squawks as Michael stamps on his foot.

“Don’t tell me you still do,” Ashton says. “This is too much. We’re meant to be the gay posterboys of the band, not you.”

“Nobody even knows you’re together,” Calum points out. “Pretty shitty posterboys, if you ask me.”

“People know,” Luke says. “They just do.”

“We’re getting off topic here,” Ashton says. “Delete your tweet.”

“Okay,” Luke says obediently, pulling his phone out of his pocket and unlocking it swiftly, scrolling to find the tweet and deleting it before Ashton’s had the time to process what he’s just done.

“Not you!” he splutters, but it’s too late. “Oh my God, this band is shambles. You’re shambles. I hate you all. Luke, for God’s sake, now you look even more jealous. And obvious.”

“Well, I’m sorry,” Luke says defensively, “but you didn’t specify a name.”

“I didn’t think I had to!” Ashton says. “This band sucks so much. And if anyone makes a blowjob joke I’ll quit.” Michael and Calum immediately start shouting things to do with the band sucking, tripping over themselves and each other to try and get their words out, yelling about blowjobs and literal sucking.

“I hate you,” Ashton says.

“You set yourself up for that one,” Luke says unsympathetically.

“I hate you,” Ashton says. “Now the world’s going to know about my You Know What kink.”

“People know,” Michael says, mimicking Luke. “They just do.”

“I hate you,” Luke says.

“Good thing I don’t,” Calum says, nudging his knee against Michael’s.

“You can’t,” Michael says. “I sucked you off this morning.” Ashton splutters.

“Is that true?” he asks Calum.

“Do you really wanna know?” Calum says.

“No,” Luke says faintly, “I really, really don’t.”

“Yes!” Ashton protests. “I can’t believe this band. I’m last to know everything.”

“Last to join, last to know,” Michael says. “Those are the rules.”

“That was never a rule,” Ashton says.

“It is now,” Michael says.

“This band is the worst,” Ashton decides. “No wonder I used to hate you.”

“Hey,” Luke says, pouting.

“Not you,” Ashton amends.

“I hated you,” Michael reminds Luke. “And so did Cal.”

“Let’s all fuck and forget,” Calum says. “Without mentioning the You Know What word,” he adds. Ashton scowls and flips him off.

“I’m not having sex with you two,” he says.

“Fine,” Calum shrugs. “We weren’t really looking for someone who lasts under two minutes anyway.”

“This band,” Ashton mutters, and he flips both Calum and Michael off before storming back into the bunk area, making Luke wobble a bit as he regains his balance after leaning on Ashton. They’re silent for a while, all of them just blinking at each other, before Luke breaks the silence.

“So, like,” he says, sounding concerned. “Are you seriously still fucking around?”

Calum can’t help but laugh.

-

@Ashton5SOS: @Calum5SOS wtf

Calum thinks it pretty much sums it up.