Archive of Our Own ^beta

Madness. Absolute, fucking, madness.

A mad Daederic Prince? Going into someones MIND? A stick that can turn people into chickens!?
Almythen had seen a lot of odd things, but this was just too much. WAY too much for him to even comprehend right now- is that what makes people go crazy? Maybe he should stop wanting to know everything...Nah.

Finally arriving to his home, Almythen dismounts his horse, excited to return to his darling of a husband and finally hear that honey sweet voice he'd come to love so much and share some of the amazing wine he'd totally not stolen from the Blue Palace while he was there...totally.

Swinging the door open with great enthusiasm, he almost doubles over in laughter when Faendal falls right out of his chair and onto the floor.
''For the love of all things living if you do that ONE MORE TIME!''
Faendal threatens
''I missed you too darling'' Almythen replies in a singsong voice, waltzing over to his husband to engulf him in a rib-crushing hug- it's normal for Dunmer to grow THAT much right? What the fuck did this guys family feed him to make him as big as a damn frost troll?
Faendal huffs and returns the hug, wheezing at the tight embrace but he'd be lying if he said he hadn't missed it.
''So, what wondrous things happened on your travel to Solitude this time my love?'' Faendal asks- perfectly well intentioned you should know.
Almyhtens face drops ''Wondrous? More like madness! Absolute fucking madness Faendal!''
Oh boy, here we go.
''So I'm just walking around y'know? On my way to crash this wedding and kill the bride, yadda yadda. BUT THEN, OH BOY BUT THEN!!''
Faendal groans and sits back onto his chair, frowning at his stew all over the table now- that'll need cleaned later.
He loves his husband, really he does. But the man NEVER shuts up! He could probably out-talk the mad prince himself!
''This dude is all like 'ooh noo my masters disappeared, take this FUCKING HIP BONE and go find him' and i'm just thinking what the FUCK?!''
Amlythen seats himself on the chair opposite Faendal and talks with his hands so much he's lucky the shelves are so far from his arms.
''So I go to Pelgaius's wing of the palace right? And then i'm IN HIS FUCKING MIND I GUESS?? And i've gotta do all this shit- and guess who's fucking there?'' He asks rethotically, and I say that because he doesn't even wait for an answer.
''THE MAD PRINCE HIMSELF, SHEO-FUCKING-GORATH!''
Wait what?
''You talked to THE Sheogorath?'' Faendal asks, now severely confused and very concerned ''Are you hurt?? Did he do anything? Did you agree to some weird deal and give him your soul?!'' Okay Faendal, calm the fuck down your husband isn't THAT dumb...well I guess that's debatable.
''Oh no we had a lovely conversation after I almost FUCKING DIED! AND WHAT DO I GET FOR IT? THIS FUCKING STICK THING!'' Almythen yells, shaking the staff around ''THIS THING IS FUCKING STRANGE! IT TURNED ONE GUY INTO A CHICKEN, ANOTHER INTO A DAEDERA AND I TURNED A BANDIT INTO A WHEEL OF CHEESE ON MY WAY HERE! IT'S FUCKING MADNESS FAENDAL I TELL YOU, MADNESS!''
Faendal is a little relieved when his husband slumps on the chair ''So my weeks been odd and tiring and I need some cuddles before I hug the next soft and furry thing I see''
''Well that'd be bad so come here you strange, strange being'' Faendal replies, taking Almythens hand and going upstairs with him for some much needed cuddling....okay and probably a massage too.