Archive of Our Own ^beta

it’s not like louis was worried. harry does weird shit all the time; they are all used to it by now. and the thing is: harry developed a habit of getting obsessed with stuff and things and, as soon as it comes, it goes, and that’s fine, really, but, today, completes five days  since harry started to carry a pineapple around, so yeah, louis may be starting to get really fucking worried.

it all started when louis was sitting on their hotel room’s couch, sipping his beer, watching the wonderful football match that portugal x germany was proving itself to be, when harry entered their room with a pineapple tucked under his arms.

“what the fuck?” louis asked, raising one of his eyebrows.

“nice way to introduce yourself to peach.” harry scolded as if louis was supposed to know the fucking pineapple apparently had a name.

“peach? harry that’s a bloody pine-”

“don’t you think we know that? her name just happens to be peach.” it also had a gender… amazing.

“why are you parading it around?” he recognized his mistake as soon as harry glared at him. “her, i mean, why are you parading her around?” that was fucking ridiculous.

“because i told niall we were thinking of getting a kitten, and he was like “yer not getting a kitten, you can’t even take care of yourself.”, so i was like “of course I can take care of a kitten”, because I know we can lou, our kitten would be the happiest kitten to ever exist. so, to prove it to him, i adopted peach.” he explained while looking from the pineapple to louis, and then to the pineapple again, as if it would jump off harry’s arms at any given moment.

“a pineapple.” he repeated.

“yes.” harry answered.

“why?” it’s not like louis didn’t understand, the problem was that he wasn’t quite believing in what he was seeing.

“lou, did you even hear anything that i said? it’s because i told niall-”

“no, no, no. i get it, all right? what i meant was: why a pineapple?” louis cut harry quickly, because honestly, he was losing the match, and he didn’t think his brain was high-functioning  enough to hear the whole pineapple story again.

“oh, because she’s pretty.” harry said with a dopey smile on his face while he petted it’s crown as gently as he could without cutting his whole hand. “and… they are also my favorite fruit.”

louis shook his head and got his attention back to the tv, internally praying that harry will have forgotten about the damn pineapple till they all had to go to parken stadium.

as per usual, luck wasn’t on louis’ side, because surely, when the two of them were about to leave their hotel room to go to work, harry was tucking peach under his arm. the damn pineapple had a £500 headscarf around its crown. and louis usually wouldn’t give a damn on what harry would use his headscarves, especially because they generally had the sole purpose of being tied on harry’s head or around louis’ eyes, but seeing the scarf he liked to see the most on harry, on a fucking pineapple was annoying the life beyond him.

“really? you had to use this one? you had to go and use my favorite scarf on you to play dress up with a pineapple?” he gestured to the both of them. them as in peach and harry. the fucking pinapple.

“but lou, i thought it would help you to get to like her better! doesn’t she look fancy wearing it?” harry giggled, fucking giggled, while looking fondly at the pineapple and poking the its rind. her rind. peach’s rind.

so louis did the only thing that he could think off and stormed out of the room, walking past 2 doors to the one he was looking for: niall’s room. louis started to bang and kick the door, as the mature young adult he was, of fucking course.

“NIALL. OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR OR SO HELP ME. YOU HAVE SOME FUCKING NERVES , LEMME TELL YOU.” louis knew he was probably as red as a tomato, but niall wasn’t the one dealing with his boyfriend babysitting a fruit.

“jeez, lou. get a grip will ya? what’s happening?” niall frowned at him, apparently blissfully ignorant at what he caused.

“harry adopted a pineapple, and apparently because he wants to prove to you that we can take care of a kitten.” niall looked like… well, niall looked like he couldn’t care less, hence why he closed the door of his room and turned his back to louis making his way to the elevator.

“you guys are fucking weird.” as if louis had anything to do with this whole situation.

louis kicked the door again. and screamed ‘till zayn shouted from his own room “louis shut the fuck up, will ya?”

he was going to burn niall alive.

so it went like this for five more days and an infinite number of annoying situations involving peach.

“lou, can you please watch something else?” harry came to him and asked one night when they were free to stay in and enjoy a nice night off.

“why? i thought you loved criminal minds.” louis asked without taking his eyes off the tv.

“well… im just worried about peach getting scared.” harry told him with a blank face. harry and his baggy sweatpants and fucking moth tattoo.

louis looked up to the ceiling and the only thing he could do was pray, and did he pray. “ont let it be long until peach rots. please. ill cut my own hand off if it means peach will be rotten in the morning."

louis threw the tv control in harry’s direction and got up the bed. getting off their room and going to zayn’s.

of course that as soon as louis got up he saw that god hadn’t been so good to him and peach the pineapple was more yellow than never and it seemed to glow in the warm morning light.

“harry,” he called “why is the pineapple on your side of the bed.”

“oh, i went downstairs to get some sandwiches and i didn’t want peach to get bored, so i left her in here watching tv.” harry smiled as if it was the smartest idea he had ever had.

harry sat the two sandwiches on the table and louis got up to get one. harry looked at him in disbelief. “what are you doing?” he asked.

“will you eat both of them?” louis inquired confused.

“of course not, silly. one of them is for peach.” harry said, eyes bright and smile even brighter.

“fuck off. you gotta be kidding me.” louis grabbed one of the sandwiches and took a bite. “peach can feed herself out of her own juices.” harry gasped. louis took another bite.

“well, i suppose you’ll have to wait peach. apparently, someone” harry gave louis a pointed look “really likes mayonnaise.” he huffed and louis smiled.

and now, five days after peach was introduced to louis, she (it’s only natural that he got used to her gender) was finally rotting and their whole room smelled like pineapple. they were laying on the bed together, face to face, legs tangled, when louis spoke.

“harry, this is the city of love, don’t you want peach to feel loved?”

“what do you mean?” harry looked confused.

“well, she’s starting to rot. we should eat her and let her serve to her purposes, i bet she would be so happy if you let her do what she was born to do.” truth is; all that smell of pineapple was making him crave it. to eat peach in especial, because, after all, he did grow fond of her. everybody has their own way of love.

“i suppose so… do you wanna do it… now?” harry looked torn between letting peach rot and agreeing with louis, because louis was right, of course he was, when wasn’t louis right?

“we can do it tomorrow love. let’s just get some sleep now, yeah?” harry kissed his forehead and threw his arm over the smaller lad’s waist. both of them falling asleep quickly.

when harry woke up, he woke up to the sweet smell of pineapple and a plate full of little cubes of it. he sat up and louis placed a plate full of peach’s pieces on his lap. harry smiled at his boyfriend, kissing his little button nose and popping a piece of peach into his mouth. “she tastes so good. i feel so guilty.”

louis only smiled and shook his head, picking a piece of pineapple for himself and kissing harry right after it. both of them laughing and tasting like pineapple. harry laid back down and looked at louis with a fond face “i fucking love pineapples.” and smiled.