Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Do you ever feel like things are coming full circle?

Jesus. Ronan?

Oh no, the girl, too!

Can we pick it off him?

Don’t. Don’t touch it-

Ronan, Ronan, don’t close your eyes-

He’s being unmade.

I have to do the sacrifice now.

You’ll just die.

I can’t watch Ronan die, Blue.

You already know what we chose!

Is it safe?

Safe as life.

I hate this.

It’ll be okay. I’m ready. Blue, kiss me.

Let it be to kill the demon.

Metal doors slamming, a roar pitched low, cold air, Ronan’s gasps grating in the dark, the car rocking from side to side, pained moans, dream creatures first breaths, a phone ringing and ringing, soft crying, gasping, gasping, gasping, dying.

Gansey fell.

…

Ronan, beautiful, animalistic, tough as nails Ronan, was crying. It wasn’t just a soft sniffle here and a lone tear there, it was raw and painful, each sob tearing right through him. He choked on it, rising in his throat, further splintering the broken pieces of his heart. He didn’t dare touch Gansey again, not after dragging his limp and heavy body from the road. His hands were shaking so badly he had the brief thought that he would never be able to hold anything again. He’d lost his father, his mother, Noah, and now his first ever friend. How was he ever supposed to collect the parts of his heart and put them back together? Could he? Or would they be severed forever?

Henry was quiet. He hadn’t known them long but as with all of Gansey’s recent relationships, they happened fast, with no warning, and were all encompassing. He loved Gansey, as he loved Blue, and was quickly beginning to love Adam, Ronan, and the shy little girl with the hooves. They were going to travel. They had plans. It was over. He felt nothing and everything at once. Grief, fear, uncertainty. It he hadn’t tried so hard to befriend Gansey, he wouldn’t be there right now, after watching him die. He would have saved himself so much pain. He wouldn’t have changed it for anything.

Blue cried no longer. She felt like she were drifting, both above the scene unfolding and deep underground, away from it. Her chest ached and burned, threatening to cut off her air and send her spiralling and spiralling until she was one with the dirt. She touched Gansey. He was warm, still. He was sleeping and he was dead. He was there and also gone. She clutched his hand, dreading the moment when the hand would cool and it would hit her that her soulmate, her Gansey, was truly dead. They’d had so little time together, though a million years still wouldn’t have been enough. She’d spent so long trying to ignore her feelings for Gansey, so long pushing it all down and telling herself not to fall for him. Blue had wasted so much time.

Orphan Girl didn’t understand, clutching and clinging to Adam, her eyes wide with frightened, confused tears. Her hooves planted firmly in the ground, her fingers crushing against Adam’s bicep. Kerah was crying and Adam was not, but they both held the same grief, unravelling even after the demon had gone. She was just a dream, used to be just a thought, now she was real. And she didn’t know what to do. So she pressed close to the broken boy, eyes on the ground.

That left Adam, expression and gaze blank, eyes bone-dry, not a tear in sight. He did not cry. He shouldn’t wouldn’t couldn’t believe that he was gone. He stared past Gansey, past the others, eyes focused on the blood strewn road but not really seeing it, not really seeing anything. He felt like his father fists had rained down on him, liked his body was bruised and broken except it was his soul that had shattered this time. Deep down he’d known that no matter how much they fought against it, this would happen. It made it no easier. Should he have warned Gansey as soon as he’d known, tried harder to find another way? Or was fate always going to drive them to this agony, no matter what?

The next couple of minutes passed in both a blur and took place over days and days of time.

Wake up.

…

Gansey was gasping.

It was terrible and grating and desperate but through all that, it was brilliant.

It meant he was alive.

However it didn’t mean that things were all great again.

Gansey still had yet to wake up and was shaking so desperately that Blue, hunched over him, head in her lap, was struggling to keep a grip on him. She’d found more tears, this time bubbling over with relief.

Now that Gansey was back, he was alive, he was breathing, Ronan had all but crumpled. He’d been holding the physical sensations wracking his body back, so powerful had the emotional ones been, but now he couldn’t keep it in.

He was currently curled up in the grass, retching miserably, black trailing thickly from his mouth, still streaming from his nose and ears. Orphan Girl whimpered beside him, her own face sticky with black.

Henry looked stunned, taking a step over to Gansey and Blue, finally dropping to his knees. He shed his jacket and helped tuck it around the boy’s trembling shoulders.

Nobody looked in any way ready to move, didn’t look like they had any plans on what to do, where to go, so Adam took control.

“We need to get moving, Gansey and Ronan can’t stay here, they need to get warm and to rest.” Adam pushed himself up from his knees, his legs threatening to buckle but somehow staying upright.

Blue dragged her gaze up from Gansey, taking a moment to find her voice. “We’ll go to my house. My mom will know what to do.”

“Okay, Henry will take his car with Blue and Gansey, I’ll take Ronan and Orphan Girl in the BMW. Henry, you can follow behind me. But first, we need to get everyone into the cars.” Adam knelt back besides the strange little girl.

“Kerah?” she whispered, eyes straying from Ronan, still hunched over, looking paler and paler by the second.

“We’re going to make him better,” Adam’s voice was surer than he felt, “but I need you to get into the back of Ronan’s car for me. I’m going to help him into the back and he’s going to lay on your legs okay?”

He held out a hand to help the girl up, nudging her in the direction of the BMW. She clambered into the still open doors, shuffling over to the left side.

Meanwhile, Blue and Henry were pulling Gansey up from the grass. Between the two of them, they managed to shuffle over to Henry’s car, nearly completely carrying their fallen king.

Adam next focused on Ronan, wiping his fingers over his eyes, trying to clear the black gunk from them. He attempted to clean his hands on the grass before gently touching his boyfriend’s forehead. “Ronan?” he asked gruffly, “I know you’re exhausted and you feel like shit, but we have to get back to Blue’s.” His fingers trailed down to the nape of his neck, rubbing gently at the top of his tattoo.

Ronan groaned softly, attempting to lift his cheek up from its perch on the black spotted grass. His lips moved but no words came out, he just shuddered and moaned, throwing up more dark sludge. “Easy,” Adam murmured, unceremoniously wiping the remains from Ronan’s lips. “I’ve got you. We just need to get you into the car, when we get to Blue’s you can rest.”

It didn’t even seem like Ronan was really awake, his eyelashes fluttering against his pale cheeks, but Adam knew he was clinging to consciousness. “Okay, well I can’t do that hero lifting you and carrying you shit, so I need you to help me out a little.” Adam shifted, up on one knee, arms around Ronan’s shoulders as he heaved him up into a semi-seated position.

A gentle hand touched Adam’s shoulder and he looked up to find Blue. Glancing at the other car, he found that Henry was struggling to get Gansey’s feet up onto the seat, but at least he was in the car.

“Here, I’ll take one arm and you take the other. On three-“

Getting Ronan to the BMW was beyond difficult. Every step the three took, Ronan’s legs gave out beneath him and they would nearly all stumble to the ground.

“Just a couple more steps, Ro, nearly there.” Adam whispered, swallowing back bile and the tears that threatened to burst out of him at any moment.

As some sort of six-legged creature pulled from Ronan’s dreams, they made it to the open car door, Orphan Girl’s scared face watching them from the other side.

They were just about to get him in and slide him over to her waiting hands when Ronan let out a sound that was part animal in pain, half scream. This time, the other two couldn’t keep him up and the boy ended up on his hands and knees, panting and coughing desperately, wet and wracking his entire body. The noise he made next was more of a muffled groan, low and deep and keening. His arms collapsed beneath him and Adam just managed to shove his hands under Ronan’s head before it hit the ground.

“Ronan-“ Adam whispered, unable to keep the terror out of his voice, “Ronan, hey, you’re okay, just breathe. Just breathe, I’ve…we’ve got you.”

Blue crouched beside him, looking frightened and overwhelmed. Her cool fingers brushed over Ronan’s forehead as they sat there, understanding that they needed to go slow, that they couldn’t rush this.

Another keening moan and this time Ronan’s hand made it up to clutch at his ear, black seeping through his fingers. Adam was at once reminded of himself, grabbing his deaf ear as blood ran down his face. Shuddering, he just murmured softly, fingers running over the back of his head. “You’re okay. You’re okay, just breathe, I know it hurts.”

Another few minutes passed, Ronan curled on the tarmac, Adam and Blue pressing hands to his trembling form. Adam was starting to think they wouldn’t be able to move from their positions but soon enough real life started to creep back in. A car pulled past them on the road and Henry honked from his car. They had to get going.

“Right, Ro, I know this fucking sucks, but we’ve got to get to Blue’s. So we’re going to lift you up, you don’t have to do anything, we’ll just get you into the car.” Adam nodded at Blue and without saying another word, the pair took an arm each, lifting Ronan from his fetal position and shuffling him into the back seats of the car. Once he was on the seat, Orphan Girl padded and pulled at him until his head was on her thighs. Her worried gaze watched Adam, her lower lip being bitten in to. She whispered, “Kerah?”

“He’s going to be okay, we just have to get him to a bed so he can rest. You be extra gentle with him okay? Hold his head so it won’t move and hurt him,” he pointed where she should place her hands, one across his forehead and the other holding the cheek closest to the seat in front of them. “Good job, just like that.” Adam reassured softly, closing the other passenger door and making his way to the driver’s seat as Blue retreated back to Henry’s car.

And then finally, after what either seemed like seconds or hours, they were on the road and heading to safety.

The drive wasn’t exactly pleasant.

Gansey, sprawled across Blue’s lap, had yet to wake up. He had just died, it made sense that he would be feeling ill and needed time to recover, but Blue couldn’t help but think that if he just opened his eyes for even a second, the fear crushing her chest wouldn’t be so bad. She kept meeting Henry’s eyes in the mirror as he checked on the both of them at least twice every minute for the entire drive. It was awful to see Gansey look so…dead still. Henry wasn’t sure if the shuddering of his form was reassuring because dead people didn’t move, or terrifying because no healthy person would be trembling like that.

Back in the BMW, Adam listened as Orphan Girl spoke to Ronan in their dream language. Ronan would usually tell her off, tell her she had to speak English or Latin, if she absolutely had to speak a different language. Instead he just listened. Adam, constantly looking in the mirror, could tell that his boyfriend was awake, though barely. Those blue eyes that entranced Adam with their silent knowledge, with their ability to see such fantastic things, were glazed over and blank. Ronan stared up at the roof of the car, though it was clear he wasn’t seeing anything, more that that was where his eyes had decided to rest.

Maura and Calla were waiting outside when the two cars pulled up. Adam didn’t know if Blue had called them or if they’d simply just known they were coming. Either way, it meant they could get moving into the house right away.

Gansey was unconscious, so Calla headed towards Henry’s car to help them and because Ronan was semi-conscious and didn’t need quite as much help getting inside, Maura went to them.

Between the five of them, because Orphan Girl was no help at all, they got the two boys into Fox Way.

Maura instructed that Gansey should be put to rest on the sofa and that Ronan should go up to Blue’s room. She was sure that in Gansey’s case, the boy needed a lot of sleep, some blankets and a hot, sugary drink every hour or so until he came around. In Ronan’s case, she was uncertain what he needed. He wasn’t unconscious, which would usually suggest that he wasn’t as bad off as the other boy, but in this case, she wasn’t so sure that was right.

Ronan was completely out of it, couldn’t speak, could barely move. He seemed to hear them, but his eyes remained fixed on one spot. Black smeared across his face, lodged in his nose, in his ears. He was still throwing it up. He’d been pulled apart, nearly completely unmade, his mind had been torn into and the black sludge had filled his throat and covered his eyes.

She helped carry/drag Ronan up to Blue’s room, letting Adam get him settled on the bed before getting to work.

Chapter Text

Maura had no idea what lasting effects being unmade would have on Ronan, so she dealt with the (hopefully) short term effects as best as she could.

Adam and her made quick work of wiping down the boy’s face as best as they could, gently and tenderly washing away the black staining his skin. A shower would have been far more effective, but that would have been near on impossible. So they made do with warm water, soap and soft wash-towels. Adam carefully used to corners of the cloths to get rid of as much of the gunk from up his nose and his ears as he could. Once the last noticeable stain was gone, Blue’s mother patted the boy’s face dry.

Just as they’d finished, Calla walked in, not hesitating as she crouched, fingertips brushing against his forehead. She closed her eyes and tilted her head forward.

A shudder ran through her and she withdraw her hand, her other one coming up to clutch at it.

“He’s trapped,” she said quietly, gaze focused on Adam. “Like when he brings something big from his dreams and he can’t move for a time, it’s like that but…” the unspoken but worse hovered in the air.

“Also he’s burning up,” she looked over her shoulder at Maura, “do we have any clean cloths left?”

“I’ll go sort it out and check on the others.” She said softly, nodding at Adam before moving towards the door.

Once she’d gone, Adam pitched his voice low and asked Calla, “is he in pain?”

He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Calla look anything near sympathetic but her expression was one of that. “Yes,” she nodded, unwilling to lie to the boy. Her fingers had absently found their way back to Ronan’s forehead, brushing over his temple.

“What can we do?” Adam asked, unable to pull his gaze from Ronan’s face.

“At the moment? Not much. We can’t give him any medications until he’s more awake, he could choke on it right now.”

Adam flinched at that, clasping his hands tightly in his lap. “So there’s nothing we can do?”

There was that sympathetic expression again, looking altogether out of place on Calla’s face. She hummed, “I think you know the answer to that.”

He did know the answer to that. Even if no one could help physically, there were always ways to help emotionally. Nodding his understanding, he waited until Calla had stood to leave before clambering onto the bed. He gently shuffled over, lifting up Ronan’s top half, so he could sit down against the headboard, laying the boys head in his lap.

His fingers scratched lightly over Ronan’s scalp, his other hand against his hip, holding him so he wouldn’t slide off the side of the bed.

Adam took a measured breath, allowing himself to close his eyes for just a moment. Just a small little moment where he could pretend he was just at The Barns, pressed close to Ronan under the covers, about to tuck his face against the join of his neck and fall asleep. He could pretend that he hadn’t just been taken over by a demon and attempted to kill the most important people in his life. He could pretend that he hadn’t had to listen to Ronan being unmade, knowing he couldn’t help, knowing he couldn’t do a damn thing about it. He could pretend that Gansey hadn’t just died, like full on stopped breathing, body shut down, died. But only a few moments of pretending.

Opening his eyes, Adam looked down at Ronan, tenderly brushing his fingertips over his forehead. “Ro, I…I’m so sorry this is happening.” He said quietly, “I’m sorry that you’re hurting and that we can’t give you anything to help. I’m sorry that you’re trapped. But I swear we’re going to get you through this. Gansey is alive, we’re alive. Now we get live.”

Maura came, dropped off the cold wet cloth, and left again with instruction to call for her if they needed her. Adam tenderly laid the cloth over Ronan’s brow and then tilted his head back, looking up at the ceiling.

The two stayed there for a little while, Adam silently trailing his fingers over Ronan, anywhere he could reach, just to remind the both of them that the other was there.

Adam wasn’t sure how long he’d been sitting there when Ronan started to move. At first, the boy was relieved, that was surely a good thing, it meant he wasn’t trapped anymore. But he realised quickly that moving was the wrong word, shaking was more apt. Though shaking seemed like an understatement. Adam moved quickly, lifting Ronan’s head off his lap and placing it back down on the pillow

Ronan wasn’t just shaking, he was seizing.

Oh shit. Oh fucking shit-

“Maura!” the boy shouted, hands fluttering uselessly.

Adam couldn’t see Ronan’s pupils anymore, his eyes were entirely rolled back into his head. The movements he was making looked painful and stiff, his limbs jerking and his neck snapping back.

Adam’s heart hammered frantically in his chest as he heard pounding footsteps on the stairs.

Maura, followed by Calla, burst into the room.

“Don’t touch him,” Calla snapped when Adam’s hands moved to do…something, anything. He quickly pulled them back, eyes wide and panicked.

“I don’t know what happened, he was just laying there-“

Maura quickly knelt beside the sofa, eyes scanning the boys shaking form. “There’s nothing to do but wait for it to pass, Adam keep an eye on the time, if it hits three minutes let me know.” Maura spoke quickly, casting an unreadable look over at Calla, watching from a foot away. The latter’s eyes didn’t leave the boy’s face.

“Maura, his nose.” The psychic said quietly.

Adam, too focused on the seizure as a whole, followed her gaze.

Ronan’s nose was bleeding again, except this time it wasn’t the black of the sludge coming back out, it was bright red blood streaming down his lips and chin.

“Jesus-“ Adam choked out, panicked eyes looking from his boyfriend to Maura and then to Calla. “What the hell is happening?”

Maura shook her head, mouth opening to say something before either thinking otherwise or realising she didn’t know what was going on.

Suddenly remembering that he was supposed to be watching the time, the boy dragged his eyes down to the watch he’d had to buy after he’d given his other to Orphan Girl. He wasn’t entirely sure when the seizure had started, but he’d glanced at his watch as soon as Maura had mentioned time. He followed the second hand, forcing down the lump in his throat, refusing to let the tears building up behind his eyes fall.

Adam couldn’t help, he couldn’t stop the seizure, he couldn’t figure out why it was happening, all he could do was watch the time. It seemed like if it hit three minutes, it would have disastrous consequences and everything inside of him pleaded to the God that Ronan believed in for it to not reach that point.

It ended up being very close.

The seizure started to slow two and a half minutes later, though it would be nearing three minutes since it had started, as opposed to when he’d first glanced at his watch.

Ronan shuddered one more time and stilled, blood smeared across his face and across Blue’s bedsheets. Adam was by his side in an instant, clambering onto the bed and over to Ronan’s side, hand cupping the boy’s cheek, thumb brushing over a trail of blood.

“Ronan?” He implored, finger next running under his eye, trying to will them to open.

Calla crouched by the side of the bed, her hand resting over to top of one of Ronan’s. She looked at Adam, gaze unnervingly focused on him for the next few moments. “He’s resting.” She said quietly, drawing her hand back.

“Is he…?” Adam wasn’t entirely sure how he wanted to end that question.

“He’s not trapped anymore, but he needs a lot rest, he needs to heal.” The woman put her hands on her knees, pushing herself up from her crouching position.

“If I may, I would suggest, when he’s awake and feeling better, that you take him to the doctors.” Maura suggested, “There are things that they can check that we can’t.”

Adam nodded. Even if he had to forcefully drag Ronan there, they would be going. “Yeah, that’s a good idea.” He said quietly, not looking back at her, watching Ronan in a way that the other boy would proclaim creepy if he were awake.

"Maura?" Adam asked, eyes on her figure in the doorway, "Gansey?" He could feel bile rise in his throat, chest tight as he waited for the answer. Logically, he knew Gansey was alive and nothing could be as bad as him being dead again, but he was terrified that Gansey was really sick.

Blue's mother had perfected that unreadable expression. "He's resting, like Ronan. I'm no doctor but I think he'll be okay."

It wasn't the firm answer he'd wanted, it never was, but it did ease the panic just a little. "Thank you for all your help."

Maura smiled.

He felt more than heard the women leave the room, and Adam was alone with Ronan once more. Reassured more than he cared to admit about Calla’s proclamation that he was just sleeping, Adam set about carefully wiping the blood from his boyfriends face. He used his sleeve this time, since he didn’t feel like moving. Ronan would probably shower as soon as he felt able to anyway.

Once most of the blood was cleaned off, Adam dropped his head to the pillow Ronan’s own was on. He draped one arm over the boys waist, letting the exhaustion seeping in every part of him take over. He was asleep in about five seconds flat.

…

Adam woke to an arm around his waist. Disorientated, it took him a moment to realise it wasn’t Ronan’s arm but Blue’s. He rolled over onto his back before looking over at her.

Somehow it was dark out now, no light coming in through the curtains.

“Hey,” Blue murmured, her voice thick and wavering.

“Hey,” Adam squinted in the dark, just able to make out from the light coming from downstairs, that Blue’s eyes were red and swollen. She sounded out of breath and on the verge of tears. “Panic attack?” He asked.

“Mhm, I’ve been waiting for it to hit since Ronan first passed out and then Gansey-“ She cut herself off, squeezing her eyes shut and burying her face against Adam’s neck.

“I know, it’s okay, you don’t have to talk about it.” Adam murmured, rolling over fully now so he could wrap his arms around Blue, chin resting atop her head. “I know that as soon as Ronan wakes up, I’ll probably freak out on him. For now, somehow, I’m holding it mostly together.” He paused for a beat, rubbing reassuringly up and down Blue’s spine. He wasn’t sure it was wise to bring it up but he’d been so preoccupied with Ronan being sick that he hadn’t yet gone down to see Gansey. Half of it was not wanting to leave Ronan, half of it was fear. Gansey had died. His first friend…ever, really, the first person to become a part of his found family. Gansey was alive now, yes, but he’d died and Adam couldn’t get that image out of his head. It was idiotic, seeing Gansey alive would surely soothe the fear that hadn’t left him, but he was afraid. Of what, he wasn’t entirely sure but something about the idea of seeing Gansey filled him with dread.

“How’s Gansey doing?” He asked after a little while.

“Sleeping too,” Blue mumbled against his shirt, “we keep force-feeding him one of mom’s weird teas and then he falls right back asleep. “He knew where he was though, and he said my name. Mom said that’s good news.”

“That does sound like good news.” Adam said quietly, shuddering and closing his eyes.

This time Blue rubbed at his back. “Is Ronan not doing well?” She asked quietly.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with him. I…I can’t help, I don’t even entirely understand what happened to Ronan. He hasn’t woken up at all, he had a seizure and-“ Adam’s breath hitched and Blue quickly cut in.

“I know, I saw a little of it. But he will be okay, Adam. It’s Ronan, he fights through anything and comes out the other side. A little nosebleed isn’t going to stop him.” The girl pulled her head away so she could look at him properly. “Okay? It’s me, so you know you have to believe me. Say it. Say that Ronan will be okay.”

Adam couldn’t help but smile at that, attempting to duck his head so he didn’t have to look directly at Blue. Blue however, had a different idea. She wrapped her fingers around his jaw, lifting his chin up.

“Say it, I’m not leaving here until you do.” She instructed, tapping her fingertips against his cheek. “I’ve got all night, Parrish.”

Adam groaned. “You’re annoying, you know that, right?”

Blue only smiled at him, one eyebrow raised.

“Fine,” the boy muttered, though he really wasn’t all that put out. He’d come to learn that his friend was often outright, not counting the time her and Gansey had hidden their relationship, but pretty much any other time she knew what she wanted to say and she did. It was the reason he had first been drawn to her properly, after the initial attraction, watching her go off on Gansey at Nino’s had been amazing. Blue often got what she wanted, and this was certainly going to be one of those times.

“Still waiting,” Blue hummed, that single eyebrow still arched.

Adam blew out a breath and nodded his head. “Ronan will be…Ronan will be okay.”

“Damn right he will be.” A gruff voice sounded from behind him and it took a second for Adam to register that that was Ronan’s voice.

Blue only hummed, like she’d known this would happen and honestly? She might not be psychic, but she probably had known.

She hopped off the bed, flicking on the bedside table lamp. “I’ll be up to check in on you boys later. And before you ask, Ronan, Gansey is fine, he’s sleeping and Orphan Girl is playing hide and seek with Henry. Rest up.”

As soon as the door swung shut, Adam was sitting up and rolling over, arms sliding around Ronan, his face pressed against the crook of his neck. He inhaled shakily, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. He must have let out some sort of cry because immediately Ronan’s hands were either tangling in his hair or sliding against his lower back so he could press Adam closer to himself.

“Hey,” Ronan’s voice murmured against his ear, thick with sleep and rough with disuse. “You’re okay, Parrish.”

“Of course I’m okay, I’m not the one who got unmade, nearly died and passed the fuck out for hours and hours, only pausing to have a seizure right on Blue’s bed.” Adam countered back, his fingers digging hard enough into Ronan’s skin to cause bruises in the coming days. Neither boy cared.

“That happened? Well, shit.” Ronan muttered, fingers trailing up Adam’s spine, “I…I’m sorry you had to see that.” And that right there was fucking progress because Ronan hated apologising, never thought it was right to apologise for anything outside of his control. And that was probably right, there was no need to apologise for things outside of one’s control, but here Ronan was, doing that, because he knew how affected Adam was.

“I thought you were going to die. We just got Gansey back and then…fuck, I thought you-“ He didn’t finish his sentence, just further burrowing his face against any space of skin he could reach.

Rough fingers pulled through Adam’s hair, the other hand sliding up the hem of his shirt to rest against bare skin, lips pressing against his temple. “I’m okay, Adam. I’m here.” He dropped his hand from the boy’s hair, to capture one of his hands. After a little bit of shuffling, Ronan tugged the boys hand to rest against his chest.

Understanding what he was doing, Adam dropped his head to Ronan’s shoulder, quiet, just allowing himself the relief of feeling his boyfriends heart beating reassuringly under his palm.

“I’m here, I’m alive, I’m going to be okay.” Ronan said softly. “It’s all going to be okay.”

Adam nodded, eyes squeezed shut. “Yeah,” he whispered, “It’s going to be okay.”

Chapter Text

Henry and Blue helped the dead weight that was Richard Gansey III onto the sofa. Blue, blowing out a shaky breath, looked over her shoulder to Calla, who was waiting in the doorway for the pair to set their king down.

Once the boy was laying down, the psychic moved towards the sofa. She crouched by Gansey’s head, slowly lowering her hand down to his forehead. Her fingertips had barely grazed the skin before she was recoiling, clutching the hand to her chest.

She looked pale. She didn’t move from her position, eyes faraway and not there at all.

Henry looked nervous. Blue thought that that was understandable, there had been a lot of new, crazy, mystical things happening all day. In fact, nervousness was relatively tame compared to the slew of emotions fighting one another in her mind. She pressed a hand to Henry’s back as they waited for Calla to come back to them.

Finally, the woman dropped her hand from her chest, exhaling and flicking her gaze up to Blue’s. She wasn’t quite sure how to even begin to explain the darkness she’d felt. The unwavering blackness, the absolute numb nothing Gansey had been floating in. She swallowed the lump in her throat. For only the second time in her life (the first being after Persephone had died), Calla Lily Johnson was rendered speechless. But Blue, her younger sister by all but blood, was looking at her with such fierce emotion that Calla was at once compelled to tell her the truth.

“He was lost,” the woman began, gesturing for Blue to come over. The girl crouched beside her. Henry knew he should leave the room, but he stood where he was. He wanted to hear it, something in him needed to hear it.

“Drifting,” Calla continued, “in the dark. He couldn’t feel himself, couldn’t feel anything else, couldn’t hear anything.”

Blue looked from Calla to Gansey, quiet and slumbering and still so pale. “He was alone.” She said quietly. “He was alone in the dark.”

“Not for long. He came back, Blue. That’s got to mean something.” The woman shook her head, leaning in to attempt to smooth the numerous flyaway hairs stuck to the girl’s forehead. “He’s not alone now.”

A small smile crossed Blue’s face and she looked over at Henry and back to Gansey. “No, he’s not.”

Calla patted her shoulder and stood in one fluid motion, “I’ll be down soon. You remember what your mom said you need?”

“Sleep, blankets, drinks, we’ve got it handled.” Blue nodded, craning her neck to try and see out into the hall. Orla and Orphan Girl were being nerve-rackingly quiet.

“Orla took her out to the garden. She wanted to climb the tree…which I’m realising I probably should’ve said no about because…she’s climbing on your father.” The woman pulled a face, causing a surprised laugh to bubble out of Blue, in spite of everything.

“I’ll get her in soon, she’s filthy already and Ronan will murder me if she’s still dirty when she goes to see him. Apparently he already has enough hoof marks all over his own shit.” Blue hummed, shaking her head.

“Good luck. Oh, and there are spare blankets in the reading room, he’s freezing. “ Calla still looked vaguely amused at whatever scenario her mind had conjured of the girl and Artemus as she left the room.

Henry, who had also been unusually quiet, headed over to Blue, slinging and arm around her shoulders. “Gansey Boy’ll be fine and hey, I’m great with kids, I’m sure I can convince the girl to get cleaned up.”

“I’m not sure anyone can convince that rascal to do anything, but have fun trying, stay out the way of her hooves, they leave a mark.” She bumped shoulders with the boy.

“Eh, I’ve had worse. Also…are we really calling her Orphan Girl? That makes it sound like she’s straight from Oliver Twist and can you technically be an orphan if someone dreamt you? And isn’t Ronan technically her dad? Because if he is, then she’s not really an orphan girl is she?” Henry was frowning as if it was a very important revelation, brows furrowed.

Blue only patted his back. “Yup, welcome to the trip, man, where we constantly ask questions about things we’ll never understand.”

Poor Henry looked a little like a kicked puppy so Blue directed him to the kitchen and set him the task of making drinks. It was easy enough but if Henry decided to steep the wrong tea, it was possible he would be off hallucinating around the house in no time. So the girl grabbed one of the least foul teas Maura had created, along with a bottle of honey because apparently sugar was going to fix Gansey or something. Getting him to drink it when he was passed out was going to be whole-ass problem though.

Leaving Henry in the kitchen, Blue rifled through the drawers in the reading room until her arms were piled with blankets. Carrying them over and taking care to cover everything of Gansey but his head with them, Blue took the other side of the sofa, absently tugging Gansey’s legs onto her lap.

She felt…weird was probably the only word for it. She’d cried so much and it was like it had left her drained. Realistically she knew it was shock, but another part of her mind refused to believe that. She wasn’t in shock because Gansey and Ronan were alive, Adam had his hands and eyes back, the demon was gone, they were all here. This numb feeling settling into her bones, into her blood, wasn’t shock.

She just knew that she was supposed to be feeling things, she was supposed to be feeling relief and joy and happiness that everyone was alive. She was supposed to feel fear and panic and sadness that it had all happened. Instead, she didn’t feel much of anything.

Lost in her thoughts, she didn’t notice her mother standing in the doorway, watching her with an unreadable expression. Maura cleared her throat and still Blue didn’t notice. It wasn’t until she’d stepped forward to the sofa and placed a hand on the girl’s shoulder that Blue’s gaze lifted from her hands. “Mom?” her voice was small and even though she’d only said one word, Maura could hear the uncertainty lacing it.

“How are you feeling?” the woman asked, perching slightly precariously on the arm of the sofa.

Blue snorted, “you’re asking me that? Gansey died, Ronan nearly died, Henry was thrown into this headfirst and has no idea what’s going on. I would say out of all of us, I’m doing the best.”

Maura had that undistinguishable expression again, one eyebrow raised. “If you are doing better than them, that still doesn’t mean you’re doing good.”

Shrugging, Blue glanced at Gansey’s face, refusing to look at her mother’s. “I’m fine for now, I just want to get the boys through this.”

Maura sighed softly, touching just under the girl’s jaw, tilting her chin up so they were face to face. “I’m going to believe you, for now. But if things change, I need you to come to me. I get you have this whole gotta be strong kind of thing going on, but even the strongest of people need help sometimes. I raised you to be independent, yes, but I hope I also raised a truthful young woman who isn’t afraid to open up when things get tough. So if you need me, you come to me. Okay?”

Blue pursed her lips and reluctantly flicked her gaze up to her mother’s. “Yeah whatever.” She grumbled.

“Good.” Maura ruffled her hair and hopped off the sofa arm. “I’m grabbing a cloth for Ronan, do you remember where we put the new ones?”

“Under the bathroom sink.” Blue’s teeth sank into her lower lip, hands twisting in the blanket. “Is Ronan…?”

“He’ll be okay, Blue. He’s resting right now, Adam’s taking good care of him.” Maura assured. “He’s just caught up in himself, like when he dreams. He’s hot and Gansey’s cold, like two sides of the same coin, huh?”

Blue thought that was probably the most fitting analogy she could have come up with.

Maura squeezed the girl’s shoulder, pressing a kiss to her hair. “I’ll be down soon. Holler if you need me or Cal.”

Blue grumbled at the kiss out of habit, but actually, secretly liked it. Just as Maura swept away up the stairs, Henry popped his head around the kitchen door. “Tea.” He proclaimed, looking proud as punch.

Smiling, Blue gestured for him to bring the steaming mugs over. “Look at you, proper little housewife.”

Instead of bristling at the comment, Henry seemed to be even prouder. “I am. Come back to Litchfield House and I’ll make you the best damn Ramen you’ve ever had.”

“Ooh, yeah, I doubt that. Ramen is the food of gods and a food I have perfected.” Blue hummed, a small smile pulling at her lips.

“Is that a challenge, Sargent? Cause it sounds like you’re proposing a Ramen-off.”

“I’m glad it sounded that way because I definitely am.”

Henry laughed softly, finally passing the mug of tea over. “It’s on.”

Bemused, the girl sipped at the tea. It was slightly bitter but really not as bad as any of the others. After having a good half of it, she placed her mug on the table.

“Okay, so now we have to get Gansey to drink. Any bright ideas?” She sighed, raising an eyebrow.

“Cheng2 sometimes smokes a littttle too much and y’now he gets the dry mouth and shit but he’s out of it so we have to help him, yeah? Anyway, we have to sit him up, one behind him.” Henry handed Gansey’s mug to Blue to hold as he got behind the slumbering boy, gently pressing against his shoulders until he was mainly upright. He got situated on the arm of the sofa, carefully holding him up.

A little uncertain, Blue shuffled as close to Gansey’s head as she could. “Now what?”

“Now,” Henry murmured, his other hand gently tipping Gansey’s jaw back, “now you just hold the mug up to his lips and tip it very slowly and hopefully, he’ll do the rest.”

Gansey, to begin with, really did not want to cooperate. A good few sips of it ended up down the front of his shirt but eventually he began to swallow the tea, still asleep for the majority of it. When the mug was nearly empty, Gansey’s eyes fluttered open, half lidded and glazed, not really seeming to see. The boy murmured something too soft to hear at first, until Blue leaned even closer, ear against his lips.

He was whispering her name.

Blue thought her heart would burst right out of her chest. She tilted their foreheads together, fingers scratching through his tousled hair. “I’m here. You’re okay, go back to sleep. I’ll be here when you get up.”

“Home?” Gansey mumbled.

“Home,” Blue concurred, “Sleep.”

Not needing to be told twice, the boy went slack once more.

Henry gently lowered him back down against the pillows, hopping off the side of the sofa and budging Blue up so he could sit beside her.

“That went well.” Henry murmured.

Blue shrugged and closed her eyes, leaning her head back against the sofa, squeezing her eyes shut. For just a moment, she wanted to believe that it would all be okay now.

Just one moment.

…

Blue hadn’t exactly been sleeping but she had definitely not been fully there when she was startled by the sound of Adam screaming for her mother.

She bolted upright, pushing Gansey’s legs off her lap. Henry was nowhere to be seen.

Heart racing, mind screaming Ronan’s dead Ronan’s dead Ronan’s dead, she raced up the bottom of the stairs, nearly stumbling into her mother and Calla at the top. She stood behind them, standing on her tiptoes to look into the room.

Ronan was shaking in a terrifying way, scarier than in the car, when it had been twitches and muscle spasms. This was worse, his limbs taut and snapping and moving in a way that seemed unbelievably painful. He was bleeding onto her pillow. She stumbled back.

She didn’t remember getting down the stairs, didn’t remember entering the living room, didn’t remember sliding down the wall, didn’t remember how she became unable to breathe or when she started crying.

Hands covering her eyes, Blue tried to catch her breath, frantically gasping for air that wanted to do everything but enter her lungs.

Can’t breathe can’t breathe can’t breathe

Am I dying? Oh god am I going to die now?

I don’t want to die I can’t die not now

A little dizzy, Blue hit her back against the wall, fists clenched at her side, raggedly gasping in the quiet.

Until it wasn’t quiet.

The first thing Blue heard was the clattering and crash of something being knocked over. There was a muffled, frustrated cry and the stamping of feet. Or more accurately, hooves.

Then Orphan Girl came crashing into the living room. “Boy?” She asked when she saw Blue.

Blue didn’t answer, shuddering and pulling in another stuttering breath, watery eyes watching the little girl in the doorway.

Orphan Girl, hands fiddling with the hem of her dress, came skittering over to her, dropping heavily onto her knees.

She rummaged around in her pockets, pulling out leaves and sticks and the odd beetle, even a garden worm at one point. Clutching her treasure triumphantly, the little girl held out a rock, covered in dirt and somehow sticky with god knows what. She pulled Blue’s hand down from her face, placing the rock in her palm and closing her fingers around it.

Momentarily distracted from the crushing weight against her chest, Blue watched with a teary gaze as Orphan Girl tucked her hooves underneath herself. She nudged her way into the girl’s personal space, patting her hair in a way that reminded her instantly of Noah. She missed him terribly.

The little girl head-butted at Blue’s hands until she lifted them enough for the Orphan Girl, and Henry was right they really needed to find her a name, to all but clamber into her lap. Her torso leaned against Blue’s chest, replacing the emotional ache there into a physical one. Somehow it seemed to help.

Still struggling to catch her breath, Blue rested the hand that wasn’t holding the rock atop the Orphan Girl’s wild and tangled hair. The girl was absolutely filthy but Blue didn’t really care, just looked down at the strangest little member of their family, attempting to pull her fingers through the straggly locks of hair. Her cap had gone missing sometime from the car to now so they’d have to find that. The girl felt much better with her skullcap. They were definitely going to have to clean her up. Though, looking at the hoof prints and layer of grime she left, maybe hosing her down would work better.

Over the next couple of minutes, Blue calmed some. Every time her breaths got too frantic, Orphan Girl would forcefully butt her head into her chest until she caught it again. When she cried without realising, dirty little fingers would pat under her eyes and over her cheeks. Blue was sure she was also now covered in grime but it was a small price to pay for the comfort she was receiving otherwise.

Blue clutched the rock in her hand, felt the slimy layer on the top, either from the little girl’s mouth or preferably, moss. She felt the weight of it, the edges, the sharp point on one side. She examined the colour, turning it over and over in her hand until her breathing was under control and her tears had dried up.

“Here, weren’t you playing with Henry? I bet he’s looking for you, go on and find him or he’ll think he’s won hide and seek. And that’s crazy because everyone knows you’re the champion of that.” Blue urged the girl up to her knees, smiling and nodding her head. “It’s okay, I have this lovely rock to keep me company.”

Orphan Girl grinned and Blue could see the remains of wood stripped by her teeth in there. Yeah, cleaning her up was going to be fun.

Once the little girl had skittered back towards the kitchen, Blue slowly got to her feet. Legs a little shaky, she walked back to the sofa. Remembering what Henry said, she lifted Gansey’s torso up again. She gave him the rest of his tea and hers before gently settling him down.

Maura and Calla walked in then, looking both worried and unreadable.

“Mom?” Blue’s voice cracked.

Maura, seeming to just notice her, offered a smile. “Ronan’s okay.” She said first, nodding at Calla who slid from the room. As she walked closer, Blue knew she’d seen the state of her face.

“Are you okay? Another attack?” Maura asked kindly, taking Blue’s hand.

Nodding, the girl squeezed her eyes shut. “I don’t want to talk about it yet.” She said quietly after a moment.

“That’s okay.” Maura replied, squeezing her hand and tugging Blue down so they were both sitting on the floor in front of the sofa.

They sat like that for twenty minutes, maybe more.

Blue somehow missed the usual chaos of the house. Orla had gone off somewhere, Gwen was off doing god knows what, though she would probably come back later covered in blood and feathers and other creepy shit. Even the multitude of kids that constantly took up residence were nowhere to be seen. Blue thought that Maura had probably known they would need the quiet and semi-serenity and the safeness Fox Way had always given her.

After a little while, Blue lifted her head from her mother’s shoulder, wiping a hand over her eyes. “I better go see Adam. You’ll watch Gansey?”

Maura squeezed her hand. “Of course.”

With a small smile, Blue forced her legs to work, trailing up the stairs.

When she got to her room, Ronan and Adam were asleep. The later was curled around the former, legs tangled together, arm tight around the boy’s waist.

Blue was unashamed to say she waited there, watching for a few moments. She didn’t remember seeing Adam so relaxed, his chin tucked against Ronan’s shoulder, fingers tangled into the other boy’s black streaked shirt.

Fire and ice, Blue thought, actually went surprisingly well together.

Adam moved in his sleep, mumbling something incoherent as Blue moved towards the bed. It was an exceptionally tight fit but she managed to lay down, sliding her arm over Adam’s waist. The boy mumbled again and slowly rolled to her, eyes blinking open.

“Hey.” She said softly.

“Hey.”