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Seeing that he had gained some senses and stopped his advances, Xie Lian let out a sigh in relief. However, as he stood in Hua Cheng’s embrace, he felt the unsettling energy inside of the Supreme fighting to break out. No wonder Hua Cheng kissed him the moment he caught him. With such chaos going on internally, he had to find an outlet to expel it. Though, in order to fully return him to his normal state, blood must be drained. However, Hua Cheng wasn’t alive, how would he have any blood to let?
After a moment of consideration, Xie Lian came to a conclusion, “... Forgive me.”
He cupped Hua Cheng’s face and voluntarily covered the other’s lips with his own, gently guiding the turbulent flow of heat into his own body, helping to ease the pain and suffering of the other. Instinctively, Hua Cheng looped his arm around Xie Lian’s waist, making Xie Lian shiver just the slightest. In the next second, the two were tumbling on top of the altar.
*
Xie Lian lets Hua Cheng push him back onto the altar, but as soon as his back hits the jaded surface he flips them over so that it's Hua Cheng below him instead of the other way around. Hua Cheng makes a sound into his mouth and grips his waist tighter. Xie Lian's thought process here had been that if he's on top he can better control what happens, and prevent Hua Cheng from taking things too far. But it quickly occurs to Xie Lian that in fact being on top just means that his arms are occupied keeping himself up without squishing his friend, and Hua Cheng is free to do as he pleases with his hands.
And his legs, Xie Lian realizes with a sort of amused dismay, as Hua Cheng wriggles underneath him and wraps his legs firmly around Xie Lian's. Gods, of course Hua Cheng is a cuddler. It's really cute, unfortunately, and it feels good to be held so tightly, to have Hua Cheng's big hands roaming firm and clever across his back. Oh, gods: Hua Cheng's understated little fangs at his lips, his tongue. Xie Lian realizes dimly that he likes this; he wants Hua Cheng sincerely, wants to kiss and be kissed all the time.
Which is why he breaks their kiss and holds Hua Cheng's face in his hands, searching his expression for some spark of intelligence. "San Lang," he says, a little breathless. "San Lang, are you in there?"
But Hua Cheng's pretty black eye is still glassy with demon fever, his expression stupid, his face flushed. His only reaction to Xie Lian's question is a frustrated little sigh, and even that is probably in response to not being kissed anymore. Xie Lian can already feel the febrile chaotic spiritual energy building in him. He lowers his head again to kiss Hua Cheng calm. His heart beats hard in his chest as spiritual energy pours down his throat, riots down his meridians until his heavenly constitution is able to process it into something quieter, easier to handle.
Hua Cheng keeps writhing underneath and around him, and it feels good, but it mostly just makes Xie Lian feel sad. He wishes that Hua Cheng wanted to do this for real, when he's awake and in control of himself. He twists his fingers into Hua Cheng's black hair and kisses deeper into his open mouth, trying to suck more spiritual energy out of him so this can end sooner, but it works too well and he chokes. He pulls away and sits up, dizzied by the sudden rush. Hua Cheng makes an inquisitive sound and sits up too, hands sliding down Xie Lian's back to his waist, hips, thighs. Xie Lian closes his eyes, only to feel, moments later, Hua Cheng's mouth cool and wet at his throat. He shudders, puts his hands back in Hua Cheng's hair, pulls his head away gently.
"No," he says, meaning That won't help you, meaning I like that, meaning I don't get to like that.
Hua Cheng blinks and straightens his back — humiliatingly, even with Xie Lian sitting in his lap, Hua Cheng is still taller than him if he doesn't slouch — and tips his forehead into Xie Lian's. He closes his eye and breathes Xie Lian's air and doesn't kiss him, although his hands tremble at Xie Lian's waist with the force of the energy inside him.
"San Lang," Xie Lian says, touched and impressed: however senseless his friend may be right now, he's still hardwired to accept Xie Lian's no. Xie Lian only wishes Hua Cheng had the power to provide his own no, too, make this yes mean something it doesn't right now, can't.
He cups Hua Cheng's face in his hands and closes the distance between their mouths again, lets Hua Cheng sigh boiling energy into his mouth. Then, for the first time, he releases his hold on Hua Cheng's jaw and pushes closer. Hua Cheng had seemed to like it when Xie Lian had hugged him back earlier; Xie Lian wants to reward him now, somehow, or console him, so he wraps his arms around Hua Cheng's broad, too-bony shoulders and hugs him tightly. Hua Cheng squeezes him back, one open palm flat and solid at the small of his back and the other settled perfectly between his shoulder blades.
Xie Lian is overcome with the desire to pull away, kiss Hua Cheng's handsome face all over, tell him how sweet he is and how brave and funny and smart. But to do that would be to let Hua Cheng's angry spiritual energy build inside him, just to gratify Xie Lian's stupid crush. So he keeps kissing him, mouth open to receive energy, and tucks that desire away in the back of his mind to fully repress at a later date.
Then Hua Cheng brushes his tongue against Xie Lian's and it surprises him so much that he can't swallow his moan in time. Evidently, this encourages whatever combination of impulse and necessity is driving Hua Cheng's actions at the moment; he drops his hands to grasp Xie Lian's hips and pulls him impossibly closer, then leans back in a frankly impressive display of core strength until he's on his back again with Xie Lian draped over his chest. Xie Lian's knees are still folded up by Hua Cheng's ribcage from having essentially straddled his hips; fortunately he's flexible enough that it's not uncomfortable, just strange.
He notes in a kind of detached, almost-scientific way that he can feel Hua Cheng's erection dragging against his own, and then he decides, valiantly, to ignore it. But Hua Cheng seems to have other ideas; he's still gripping Xie Lian's hips, and he uses that leverage to roll their hips together, punching twin gasps out of both of them. "San Lang," Xie Lian breathes into his mouth, "San Lang," and Hua Cheng has time to roll his hips again, then once more, before Xie Lian's brain kicks in and he stills above him, struck by indecision. On the one hand, he could let this continue; he could just let Hua Cheng rut against him until he comes. It would be a fast and easy way to expel a lot of spiritual energy. It wouldn't have to mean anything.
But on the other hand, it feels like there's a huge difference between kissing and sex, and Xie Lian doesn't want what isn't freely given. It may not mean anything to Hua Cheng, but it would mean something to Xie Lian. And anyway, if nothing else, knowing what Hua Cheng looks like, sounds like, tastes like when he comes would make upholding his vows of chastity a lot harder.
Hua Cheng rolls his hips again and gasps, "Please."
"San Lang??" Xie Lian answers, startled from his thoughts. "San Lang, are you back?"
Hua Cheng doesn't answer him, just holds his waist tighter and pushes against him again and repeats, "Please, please, please." Xie Lian frowns and leans down to kiss him, worried that he's let too much spiritual energy build in his indecision. Hua Cheng kisses back messily, all teeth and tongue, and writhes underneath him. He breathes shakily into Xie Lian's mouth and begs, "Dianxia. Please, Dianxia."
Xie Lian is only a man. Xie Lian is so fucking hard. He unconsciously squeezes his legs together around Hua Cheng's skinny hips and Hua Cheng moans, thrusts against him again, moves his hands from Xie Lian's waist to the swell of his ass. Xie Lian gasps a little. Hua Cheng just keeps rolling his hips, fucking upwards, his cock dragging against Xie Lian's through their many layers of clothes. Xie Lian kisses him soundly and repeats mantra after mantra in his head, wills his own erection to go away. This isn't real, he reminds himself. This is a practical solution to a real problem. You don't get to enjoy this.
But Hua Cheng seems to be enjoying it well enough. Their kissing has devolved into mostly panting into each other's mouths, sparks of spiritual energy carried on Hua Cheng's false breath, and he keeps making little sounds with each thrust of his hips, ah into Xie Lian's mouth, ah - ah - ah. He doesn't speak again until his rhythm starts to stutter, and Xie Lian holds him as he starts babbling, "Dianxia, Dianxia, please, love, please, let me--"
And Xie Lian says, "San Lang, come," and Hua Cheng sobs, "Xie Lian," and comes.
Xie Lian stares at him as they catch their breath. Hua Cheng is as glassy-eyed as ever, still fevered and un-self-aware, spiritual energy coming off him in waves. What does it mean that he had gasped Xie Lian's title? His name? Is Hua Cheng in there somewhere after all, able to control himself for brief moments? Does he want this too?
Hua Cheng kisses him, clumsy and soft-mouthed. The amount of spiritual energy that Xie Lian receives from him has dropped drastically. At least that worked, he thinks hysterically. Hua Cheng pushes at his shoulder, and Xie Lian lets himself be maneuvered onto his side, let Hua Cheng move his hands over his back, his sides, his waist. He starts to trail his fingers lower, towards the heat that Xie Lian has been ignoring so bravely. Xie Lian stops him with a gentle hand at his wrist.
"No, San Lang," he says. "You don't have to."
Hua Cheng makes a noise in his throat, but he doesn't insist. Instead he kisses Xie Lian again once, then ducks his head to push his face into Xie Lian's shoulder. Xie Lian nuzzles his hair and strokes his shoulders calmingly, uses some of his convenient new spiritual energy to clean Hua Cheng up with a flick of his wrist.
"My poor San Lang," he sighs. "This must be so strange for you." Hua Cheng exhales shakily into his neck as if in agreement. Xie Lian keeps stroking his shoulders. He wants to protect Hua Cheng, although he realizes that there probably isn't anything out there that Hua Cheng couldn't beat and Xie Lian could. Still: the impulse to hold him, keep him safe.
They lie there for a long time, kissing intermittently as Hua Cheng's rogue spiritual energy rises and falls in waves. The waves get further and further apart, though, and it takes less each time to quell them. Hua Cheng falls asleep around two in the morning, although he's still too warm for Xie Lian to think the danger's passed just yet. Xie Lian himself stays awake, worried and vigilant, and his concern pays off when Hua Cheng shakes himself awake around three-thirty, choking on chaotic energy. Xie Lian kisses him until he falls back asleep, runs his fingers through his fine black hair over and over, unable to muster up the energy to think anything but poor thing, poor sweet thing.
It happens again around five; Hua Cheng shudders and pushes closer and smears his closed mouth against Xie Lian's throat, an almost-kiss, and Xie Lian blinks back into full wakefulness. He thinks for a second that maybe this time Hua Cheng has really woken up, and he whispers hopefully, "San Lang?"
But Hua Cheng doesn't say anything, just clutches at his robes and pointedly does not kiss his neck, so Xie Lian cups his face and kisses him, lets spiritual energy flow warmly into him like liquor. Hua Cheng falls asleep mid-kiss — stupid cute — and Xie Lian kisses him one last time before curling sleepily back around him.
At some point Xie Lian must really fall asleep, because he wakes up when Hua Cheng stirs in his arms again some time later. Xie Lian blinks against the bleariness of his eyes and leans down to press his mouth to Hua Cheng's, one hand curled softly in his hair. His eyes drift shut again, and he breathes through his nose, slow and shallow, for a long moment, until he realizes that he only thing he feels is Hua Cheng's cool mouth on his: no wine-warm spiritual energy spilling down his throat, no discordant static swirl in Hua Cheng's meridians, not even the desperate grasp of Hua Cheng's hands at his waist.
He opens his eyes. Hua Cheng is staring at him, his eye clear and focused, his mind evidently back in his body again.
Xie Lian stops kissing him.
"Don't stop on my account," Hua Cheng jokes half-heartedly. His voice is graveled with sleep and disuse. "Gege… What's going on?"
Xie Lian slithers out of his embrace and sits up, although the 'respectable distance' effect is somewhat ruined by the face that their legs are still tangled, just sideways now. He hides his face in his hands, suddenly deeply embarrassed. He hadn't thought of how he might explain this. "San Lang ah," he says, stalling for time. "I — all of your demons were struck by, by some sort of fever, and you too — I couldn't think how else to help…"
Hua Cheng kind of grunts in acknowledgment. There's a sound of quiet movement, and Xie Lian peeks through his fingers at him only to see that Hua Cheng has covered his face with his hands too. "Dianxia, this one apologizes," he says miserably. "Dianxia shouldn't have had to do that for this one. He could have left, his kindness is immeasurable."
Xie Lian drops his hands and leans over Hua Cheng, distressed. "No, I couldn't have left," he says, pulling at Hua Cheng's wrists. "Don't say that. You needed help, San Lang. I couldn't have left you. I wouldn't. I won't."
Hua Cheng looks at him, then away. His face is flushing again. Xie Lian releases his wrists to press the back of his hand to Hua Cheng's forehead. "San Lang, you're warm," he exclaims. "Last night when it was worst, you were warm. How's your energy feel? Are you feeling balanced?"
"I'm fine, gege," Hua Cheng croaks, batting his hands away gently. He carefully pulls his legs to himself, so they're not tangled anymore. "I'm embarrassed. That's all."
"San Lang, you don't need to be embarrassed. You don't need to apologize either," Xie Lian insists. "I'm the one who should apologize. I — I know I could have found another way, we could have sparred or, or something, I didn't have to — and I know you have a beloved, it wasn't fair for me to — I'm sorry."
"If we had sparred I would have destroyed you," Hua Cheng says bluntly. "And then myself, for having raised a hand against you."
They look at each other miserably, depressed by this fantasy of mutual violence.
"Okay kissing is better than that," Xie Lian concedes.
Hua Cheng laughs bitterly. "Yeah," he sighs. He looks like he hates himself. God, this sucks. Xie Lian just wants to go back to holding him.
"Did I -- did I force myself on you?" Hua Cheng asks abruptly.
"No!" Xie Lian says immediately. "No, San Lang, of course you didn't."
"I've kissed you without asking before," he points out.
"I know, but, there's always been a reason," Xie Lian says. "It's alright, San Lang, I really do understand. I trust you. If for whatever reason you really need to-- to kiss me, or to do anything at all with me, you don't need to ask."
"I do," Hua Cheng insists. "I'm sorry."
"San Lang," Xie Lian sighs. "I'm sorry but you don't think I need to be. You're sorry but I don't think you need to be. Our apologies cancel out and now we can go back to normal, okay?"
Hua Cheng huffs a laugh. "Okay," he agrees, but he still has the look of someone who's planning to punish himself later.
Xie Lian scoots closer and pulls him into an awkward hug. "San Lang, I swear you don't have anything to be sorry for. I really, truly don't mind last night. Given the circumstances, you were a perfect gentleman."
Hua Cheng snorts, but his hands which were so bold all night come shyly up to return Xie Lian's embrace. "In fact, you should know," Xie Lian continues, stroking Hua Cheng's hair, "you really did stop when I told you to stop. Even though I know you weren't really in control at all, you stopped."
Hua Cheng hums. "Okay," he says quietly. "I'm sorry you had to tell me to stop at all."
"San Lang ah," Xie Lian groans. "It's really fine. You just -- you wanted to kiss my neck, it was sweet. It wasn't a big deal."
"Oh," Hua Cheng says, mortified.
Xie Lian bites his lip, makes a decision. "I stopped you because I liked it," he admits, very quiet. "I wanted you to keep going. I stopped you because it wasn't fair that I could enjoy it and you weren't even really there."
"Gege," Hua Cheng whispers.
"I really -- I really, really, really like San Lang," Xie Lian says into his hair. "I think San Lang is just the best. So -- so I don't mind if sometimes you have to kiss me for whatever reason. I just wish the reason was that you wanted to."
"Gege," Hua Cheng says again. Xie Lian blinks against the sting of sudden, self-pitying tears. He releases his hold on Hua Cheng, abruptly worried that he might be making his friend feel obligated to -- something.
"Sorry," he says wetly, drawing away. He can't look at Hua Cheng now. "I'm sorry, I know you have a beloved, I really-- I'm really happy for you. They're really lucky."
Hua Cheng ducks his head, trying to make eye contact. Xie Lian avoids his gaze, embarrassed and ashamed of himself. "No, you aren't," Hua Cheng says.
"Happy for you? I really am, I --"
"Lucky," Hua Cheng says. "You aren't very lucky at all. It's kind of a thing with you."
"What?" Xie Lian says.
"Gege," Hua Cheng says softly. "It's you. My beloved. It's always been you."
"Oh," Xie Lian says. In his mind he hears Hua Cheng saying the worst thing is to see your beloved trampled and ridiculed and being unable to do anything about it. He hears Hua Cheng asking gege, do you want to get married? He hears Hua Cheng moaning his name as he comes. He says, "Oh," again.
"Gege, will you kiss me again?" Hua Cheng asks, peering up at him through his short straight eyelashes. He's so fucking handsome. He continues quietly, "I'd really like to kiss you."
Xie Lian looks at him, his face heating spectacularly. He reaches up with trembling hands to cup Hua Cheng's face in his hands once more, finally makes eye contact. Hua Cheng's expression is clear and open and absolutely lovestruck.
He leans in and presses their mouths together and means it. Hua Cheng kisses him back, and he means it too.
Xie Lian thinks he could live off of water and Hua Cheng's sweet mouth. At last he says so, and Hua Cheng laughs breathlessly. "God, we could try," he jokes.
"We can try," Xie Lian agrees.