Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Taka settles his winter coat and keys atop the coffee table before he directs himself to make dinner alone. His date didn’t go well again. Not that the girl was bad. If anything, she was pretty decent, intelligent even, that every time she spoke, Taka swore she sounded like a talking encyclopedia or something with the amount of knowledge she has. She’s smart, which is one quality that Taka looks for in a person. All of them were, though, girls he went on a date with. They were all pretty and smart. But he’s dumb and crazy because every time the date is about to go to an end— and greatly at that— he screws it up by telling them he wasn’t really interested in committing to a relationship. That the date was just a one time thing and nothing will work follow after. After which, the girls would tell him he shouldn’t have wasted their precious time if he wasn’t interested to begin with.

But he’s trying. He really is. He juggles his studies, social life, band practice and gigs, part time job, and potential love life in his hands like a fucking juggler whose life is at stake if he fails to catch all these balls altogether. But of course, one can only do so much. Eventually, he deems that he’s simply not meant to have a love life. Not at this moment though, he thinks, incredulously. He has time, he knows. He’s only 22 for fuck’s sake. So much to learn and so much to discover.

He can blame it all on his busy schedule all he wants. Blame it all on how in the morning he has got to go to the university, work in afternoon, band practice every after day, and rest when he has the chance. Blame every other encounter or circumstance as to why he couldn’t get himself to like every girl he’s gone out with.

They’re all perfect, don’t get him wrong.

He saunters towards his excessively large bedroom and huffs. He feels a little bit down today more than ever. And no, it’s not because he has just rejected a girl yet again. Something feels odd.

“Ah, it’s today,” he realizes as soon as he turns the lampshade on his study table and finds the calender. It’s December 7, and the temperature has gone down to five degrees celsius outside. Extremely cold for his taste and extremely bad for his voice.

He plops on his bed, December 7 whirling about in his head while he taps a finger on his cushion. The beat follows a song of his past that should have long been forgotten.

And yes, he can blame his hectic schedule for how miserable he is on the aspect of love, but he can’t run away from the fact that he can’t seem to forget about a certain person.

Rewind to December 2006

The heater works its way around the coffee shop, warming the customers while strong wind blows outside. The winter air is crisp outside and the sun begins setting as early as 5 in the afternoon. Though warm, Taka is shivering in his black winter coat, warm cup of chocolate drink in his hand. He is waiting for his two other friends, who are also his bandmates. They all belong to the school’s music club and performs as a trio band in school festivals.

Now, he sits in one of the coffee shop’s wooden chair awaiting Tomoya and Ryota. His guitar slants beside his chair, in a black, leather case his mother has given him. Minutes later, his bandmates arrive with huge grins on their faces. They are all excited to play in tonight’s winter festival at school. All students have been asked to attend.

“Kaori says she’s bringing along friends from another school to watch us tonight,” Tomoya excitedly says as they walk to their school. He is holding his drumsticks in his calloused hands, tightly gripping them out of sheer excitement.

“You think they’ll like us? I’m really nervous I’ll mess up the bass,” Ryota adds.

“I am scared I’ll mess up my vocals and guitar,” Taka responds. “But we’ve practiced really hard. Plus, Kaori’s bringing her friends, we cannot mess up in front of new people.” He chuckles and pats his friends in the back as they enter the gates.

Colorful buntings decorate the pathwalks and hallways. Along the corridor heading to the school gymnasium, snowflake cutouts were pasted on the wall and streamlined with blue Christmas lights. The hallways are full of students cleaning up their booths before they head to the gymnasium for the opening night of the year’s fest.

The trio met up with Kaori, their class president, in the backstage where other student performers are busy preparing their props.

“Are you guys ready?” She inquires as she fiddles with her fingers.

“Yea. We’re the last to perform right?” Tomo confirms.

“Yes,” Kaori answers as she peers behind them as if looking for someone. “I have a friend who came along.”

“I thought you said friends?” the bassist looks in confusion.

“I did say that. They backed out. But,” she points her forefinger in the air, “my other friend really likes music so he came along.”

“Where’s he? I really get psyched every time new people get to watch us perform,” Tomo responds, grinning at Kaori.

Taka hides behind his bandmates, muttering in silence some kind of a mantra. His heart is beating fast seeing all the students starting to pile up inside the enormous school gym. Of course, he has played for this people before. It should already be easy. But still, he feels listless as he grips the handle of his guitar case. Kaori notices him and he fidgets when she touches his shoulder to call hid attention.

“Hey there, popular guy! What’s wrong?” she asks.

Taka looks at her and brushes up his dark brown hair.

“I’m oddly nervous,” he says. He is sweating underneath his thermal shirt.

He doesn’t have any reason at all to be nervous because

1. He’s extremely musically talented. Girls swoon just by hearing his voice.
2. There’s no doubt he has excellent guitar skills.
3. His bandmates are equally awesome as he is.
4. He’s the most popular student in the school.

The list could go long if anyone asks anybody what it is they see in Taka that makes him the most likeable person in the school. He doesn’t need to be nervous.

“Ah! He’s here!” Kaori exclaims while she waves at the direction of a tall guy about the same age as them.

Chapter Text

Taka followed the direction of Kaori’s hand waving and that’s when he sees him, dressed in all black wool coat, fitted black jeans, and cherry red 1460 Doc Martens. His hair is dyed blonde, or is it white? He can’t tell. But holy shit, who’s he?

“Toru!” Kaori squeals and places her arm around the blonde’s.

He looks first at Tomoya, then Ryota, and lastly at Taka whose forehead was sweating.

“It’s winter, why are you sweaty?” the blonde asks and his voice is so low and deep that it makes Taka’s stomach churn, but in a good way.

“Guys, this is Toru. He’s the son of our family friend. He’s from Osaka,” Kaori turns to the band and her eyes smile. “He stopped studying to move overseas, but he’s here for winter break.”

The singer eyes Toru with slight interest. He is the tallest among all of them, and has a nice sense of fashion, too. And immediately, Taka reduces himself into a crouching piece of shit with an intense and massive crush on Toru. But of course, he does not literally roll into a ball. His heart, however, is heaving as though it’s going to break free from his chest at any time.

They introduce themselves before the band headed to the backstage and Kaori accompanies Toru to the front of the audience. There’s a barricade between the stage and the part where the students pile up to watch.

“You’re suspiciously stylish today, Toru-san,” Kaori remarks and tugs the sleeves of Toru’s black turtleneck. He has already removed his coat and hung it on the steel bar of the barricade.

“What do you mean? I’m always stylish.”

“I mean, you’re trying to impress the students here with your good looks, is all. Hey, you know Taka, the band’s vocalist and guitarist, is the most popular in this school,” she informs him.

He smirks and says, “is that really a thing? And which one’s Taka? I can barely remember.”

They spend minutes watching several artistic performances by students from different levels. Sometimes, Toru yawns in boredom. He is very meticulous when it comes to school shows he attends, especially when he was still in Osaka. Had he had a choice before, he wouldn’t have attended any of those, but he needed to maintain his good student reputation.

Minutes after, he sees a trio getting on the stage. Immediately, his eyes roam around to look for a certain vocalist and guitarist. Taka steps on the middle of the stage, and Toru realizes fast that he’s the one Kaori talked about earlier.

By then, the students start squealing and screaming for Taka’s name. Contrary to Toru’s perception, Taka is a rather shy person. When he hears the students call his name, he just smiles meekly and almost hides behind his guitar; if that is even possible. Toru only notices later that he is smiling from ear to ear watching the vocalist sing and do his guitar riffs.

When the school night is over, they leave the campus premises and hang out at the nearest coffee shop. The one where Taka usually waits in.

“Nice set,” Toru speaks. His voice was so deep and Taka fights the urge to swoon at him right there and then. He holds his iced coffee near his chest and blames it for how unbelievably fast his heart was beating.

He mouths a “thank you” at Toru and they stare at each other for a while. Taka can’t resist looking at Toru’s dyed hair and well-defined jawline. Can’t help but register how deep his voice is and how long his legs are, and how it’s being emphasized by the shoes he is wearing. It’s illegal for him to exist, he thinks.

The night passes by so quickly as Taka sits in his bed with his phone in his hand. He knows he’ll never see Toru again, unless of course if he asks Kaori to bring him to school. Which is really weird. There’s no way he can approach Kaori and talk his way into making her bring a stranger inside the school. Impossible. He stares at his phone with laser eyes, angry because he doesn’t even know Toru’s full name, let alone his mobile number.

Great. He finally has a crush after 17 years of existence, and the crush happens to be a “he,” and he is nowhere near his reach. He can almost hear his heart break apart.

His phone rings.

Parents are out. Come here with food and drinks to celebrate our successful gig. Ryota’s on his way. Tomoya’s message reads.

"It’s midnight. Are you sure?”

"Yes. C’mon. 20 mins, be here."

He throws his phone to the floor and scoots on his closet, grabs some sweatpants and a hoodie. The weather is getting worse and everybody knows he hates winter. /p>

One good thing about his family is that they let him do whatever he wants. So, going out at midnight is easy peasey.

He places a cap on his head and covers it up with his hoodie after which he puts a mask on half his face. His house keys are safe in his pocket along with his wallet and phone. When he opens the door, the chilly winter air abruptly runs through his hands and the parts of his face that the mask doesn’t cover. He shudders and runs to the gate to head to the nearest convenience store.

The wind chime rings as he enters the store; his eyes roaming around the aisles of snacks. Tomo likes anything, he thinks, as well as Ryota. So picks up random snacks and cans of sodas and places them in a plastic grocery basket. The place is empty of people expect for the two crews who are in the counters. He walks to it, head bowing down as he fishes out cash from his wallet.

“Would this be all?” the crew asks and Taka’s brows furrow. The voice seems familiar. It was deep and low, and he swears it isn’t that long since he has heard it.

He looks up to find a tall teenager with hair so light it’s almost white. Toru.

Chapter Text

“It’s you,” he fumbles with the bills in his hand and places them on the counter and says, “you work here?”

“I’m wearing this stupid store shirt so maybe I am?” he deadpans. “You’re Taka, right?”

Taka feels his cheeks heat up at the way Toru has spoken his name and even more so because he remembers. He remembers.

“What’s a high school student like you doing outside this late?” Toru inquires. The plastic bag sits on the counter, almost abandoned. His eyes sparkle as he waits for Taka’s answer. But the singer seems to have his tongue cut out of his mouth.

“I…uh…well…you know, Tomoya?” he stutters.

“Yea. Hanging out?” Toru replies.

“Uhm, yeah…uhh…kinda? He said it’s like a victory party?” the smile on his face never dissipates no matter ho hard he convinces himself, internally.

“You’re not asking, but I’m filling in here for a week starting tonight. The crew I filled in for is on vacation,” he informs him and remembers the bag that has been shoved on the side.

“Really?...Uhh, okay. Thanks for telling me, I guess? Uhh…I better get going,” Taka answers nervously and scrunches up his nose at the store crew.

The wind chime sounds off again and two customers get in.

“Don’t stay up too late. School activities start tomorrow,” Toru says back as he waves at the walking figure of Taka walking out the store.

Taka is hastily walking away from the store continuously praying that the fire in his cheeks and ears doesn’t show up or he swears he has no way to save his face. He thinks hard and maybe he can blame it on Winter season. Before he can turn to the next alley, a hand lands on his right shoulder and grabs him backwards softly.

He looks back in fear and almost jolts.

“You forgot your groceries,” the blonde speaks as he places the handles in Taka’s hand. “Good bye again.”

The moon has probably witnessed the most idiotic version of him at that moment. He has never been that distracted, never been that forgetful, and never been that astounded. Not until Toru has started showing up in their school earlier that day. And now it seems like he would just keep showing up right in front of his face.

The first day of club activities for the school’s winter festival starts off with the gathering of all students in their gymnasium. The program starts with the school principal speaking in front of them, then the student leaders follow, after which, they all proceed to their respected booths in their assigned areas.

Taka’s class section has set up a café and restaurant in their classroom. By the door, two of their pretty classmates stand to greet customers and ask them to get inside. Right where the blackboard is, a counter is built for cashiers and two students help with taking payments. Right at the center of the classroom is where the tables and chairs are arranged uniformly with table cloths in monochromatic colors. Towards the corner, a mini stage stands where one high stool sits. There’s a microphone right in front of the stool and one speaker at the back. The set up looks promising and Kaori can feel the excitement in her chest at the sight of their class’ plan come to life at last. She pokes at the cheeks of Taka who is staring blankly at the stage set up. It’s only a few minutes til they let the waiting customers outside come in.

“Everybody’s excited to see you sing,” she whispers.

“Well, I hope they’re as excited to see me sing as they are to eat our food,” he claps back.

“Tomoya made sure the food caterer we made business with makes good food. Also, Ryota and the others really did a good job with the interiors here,” she replies and shoves Taka on the stage to let him start singing.

His head is still up in the air. Tomoya, Ryota and him only had four hours of sleep which was Tomoya’s fault because he invited them over. They talked a lot about their very recent gig and future plans, and before they knew, it was already 3 in the morning. Taka had an even harder time to put himself to sleep. When he would close his eyes, he kept seeing the blonde guy— his black winter coat and his Doc Martens and the way his hair laid on the side of his face and it just fit perfectly.

Now he knows where to find him. Not that he’s planning to always see him though. It’s nowhere near that, he thinks. He’s not pining for him, not when nobody in his life knows it is possible for him to like guys. He scoffs at that, thinking this is, maybe, why out of the many girls that had shoved their love letters to his direction, none of them just spark a least bit of interest.

He snaps out of the trance he was in when he hears the loud giggles from the group of girls at the table nearest to the stage. Kaori signals him to start his set as his other classmates begin taking orders from the seated customers. Outside, there is already a line of students waiting to get in.

Taka isn’t exactly sure what people find attractive in him. Of course he doesn’t mean that in a condescending manner. If anything, he wants to keep it lowkey and humble. For instance, he thinks he’s not that tall. He’s only 5’6”. But he’s super neat— from the uniform he wears to his school shoes to his school bag and his school supplies. Aside from that, his hair is in medium length with the fringes that are slightly waxed upwards, though sometime they fall on his forehead. But what he thinks his best quality is that he sings.

Sometimes sadness creeps into his bones whenever he realizes that his voice is the only integral part of why he is liked by most of the school’s population. It scares him because he has become dependent on it. But what if he loses it? Would the other parts of him still matter to people? He shakes off the idea and begins singing a song that almost passes up as an elevator music judging by how calm its sound is. Just mellow enough to relax their customers.

The day ends at exactly five in the afternoon after the sections commenced on removing their classroom decorations and cleaned up the mess. The booths outside the building have also been disassembled one by one. Tomorrow, the best class activity winner will be announced, and once again, Taka and his band will play afterwards for the after school party.

A few minutes before midnight, Taka finds himself walking in his neighborhood heading to the little playground. He really should stop walking around that late. A few more of nights like that and he is sure eye bags will take over his entire face. It’s just that Winter makes him a bit sadder than he ever could. It reminds him of his father and his back against them, doors closing before his eyes, and the sound of shutting and the lock clanking so loud and destructive.

He sighs as he absentmindedly walks on the road without looking before him. Before he could look up, he accidentally bumps into a stranger who looks like he could be years older than him, and even a frightening one. He has a gangster image along with his three other friends that send fear running down his spine. The stranger, who reeks of alcohol, raises his hand at him and hits his face strongly before he could protest. His friends stops him from his violent actions letting the 17 year-old run for his life.

Tough life. He shouldn’t really have walked alone at midnight.

A few steps later, he arrives at the near convenience store and sits himself on the plastic chairs. A crimson red stain appears on the side of his mouth and he winces when he touches it with his thumb.

“What happened to you?” someone asks.

He hasn’t noticed the wind chimes go off so imagine how surprised he is to find the blonde, in full glory of his convenience store shirt, standing before him with a curious look. The singer notices he was looking at the cut in his mouth.

“Wait here.”

From where he is seated, he face palms himself, drags his hand up and down in embarrassment. Shame feels even more painful than the wound on his lips. The fact that Toru works in that store completely escaped his brain. He groans and wishes he sinks under the cement ground.

Toru steps out of the store minutes later and seats himself on the empty plastic chair across from Taka. Only a 2-feet length table separates them from each other. He hands Taka a first aid kit.

“I’m not good at guessing but were you beaten up by a group of gangster-looking guys, one of which seemed drunk?” Toru asks.

Taka’s slightly frowns in disagreement. “First of all, I wasn’t beaten up. He hit me on the face because I accidentally bumped into him. So stupid.” He doesn’t show it, but it’s impressive that he has gotten over his stuttering phase. Maybe the hit got it out of him.

“Hope that doesn’t leave a mark on your pretty face,” the blonde says under his breath, his forefinger pointing at Taka’s cut.

Taka swears he heard his heart explode, and if he knows any better, he should already be running off to hide the pink blush spreading across his cheeks.

“What…wha…what do you mean p…pretty?” Okay, the stuttering comes back.

“Good looking? Beautiful? Stunning? Pleasing? Pretty. Here I thought you should already be used to compliments since you’re popular,” the blonde smirks at him.

“Bold of you to assume that. It’s only the most uncomfortable thing in the world,” he replies, busying himself with the ointment and cotton.

“You shouldn’t have walked alone at this hour,” Toru remarks and grabs the stuff from Taka’s hand. He applies the ointment on Taka’s lip cut by himself and places a small band aid over it. “It’s not safe. Plus, the night is chillier and it’s gonna affect your voice.”

“Oh,” Taka loses his ability to be articulate.

“Kaori said you’ll perform again tomorrow? She invited me so I’ll be there to watch you guys,” Toru tells him.

“Making the most out of your vacation, huh?” Taka replies without looking at the person across him. He pushes his brown hair backwards, trying to suppress the pink stardust blush that’s starting to take over his cheeks.

Toru leans against his seat and folds his arm as if he has something in his mind, but holds back. He smirks after he makes up his mind and says, “why are you even out at this hour? Makes me wonder.”

“I couldn’t sleep so I decided to stroll around the neighborhood,” is what Taka says. “Hey, I forgot to ask you this, but Kaori mentioned before that you’re moving overseas?”

Toru is about to open his mouth to answer when a couple of customers enter the store which is his cue to go back to work.

“I should get back. We can talk tomorrow though. Bye Taka!”

“Oh. Alright.” Before he could say it, Toru has already scooted back inside the store and leaves him to his own devices. “Bye, Toru!” he whispers and decides to leave.

Chapter Text

The sun hasn’t completely risen yet when Taka wakes up from his sleep. He hears the footsteps from downstairs and he immediately figures his two brothers are awake. After staring at the ceiling for a considerable amount of time, he considers going downstairs to check on his brothers.

“Where’s mom? Why are you making breakfast?” he leans on the kitchen counter where Tomohiro, the middle child, is whisking eggs in a bowl.

“In her room. It’s today, Taka-nii,” Tomo answers with a worried tone. He continues whisking the eggs while Hiro, the youngest, sits on the chair in the dining room.

It’s the anniversary of his mom and dad’s separation. It’s been 6 years since he left them. And in those 6 years, on this same day, his mother would sulk in her bedroom all day, not going to work, not giving his children any attention. They have adopted to it. Sometimes, Taka still wants to cry himself to sleep when he remembers his mother falling apart right in front of his eyes when his father went away. It hurt him, too, and it still hurts even more when the day comes.

He looks over his brother, Hiro, who is fighting drowsiness. A glass of hot milk sits on the table in front of him. There’s a slight pang in Taka’s chest while he observes his youngest brother. He probably doesn’t understand what’s happening. Probably doesn’t get why instead of their mother preparing breakfast today, it’s Tomohiro and Taka. It pains Taka seeing his brothers like this and he wishes nothing but anguish towards his father.

***

According to TV reporters, temperature will drop up to 5 degrees celcius today. Cautiously, Taka wraps himself with three-layer clothing and a thick checkered scarf. His guitar hangs in his right shoulder while he walks to his high school. They weren’t required to come to school on a regular time today since they only need to attend the awarding and closing ceremony as well as the after party. He sighs in gratitude as he drags himself on the road, invisibly facepalming himself as his mind returns to the night before.

“Taka!” A familiar voice calls for him. And goddamn that voice, he immediately knows who the owner is.

He practices a smile before he looks behind him and there he was. Toru’s white hair glistens in the winter sun. He looks so good in black, Taka thinks to himself.

“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” He says, aware that Toru works on a night shift in the 24-hour convenience store. There’s no way he wouldn’t feel sleepy.

Toru gives off a smile at Taka and the latter thinks the sun could possibly lose its job with how much brighter that smile is. He must be going crazy.

“It gets lonely in my aunt’s house,” he simply answers, both hands in the pocket of his winter coat.

“How did you know we come to school late today?”

“I asked Kaori. But trust me, it’s only by chance that I bumped into you today,” Toru tells him.

“Oh. Too bad you can’t come in yet. Ceremony’s only for students who study here,” he responds, regret slightly obvious in his voice.

“It’s alright. I’ll stay over at the near coffee shop til your after party starts,” the blonde says and loses his smile when his eyes darts towards the part of Taka’s lips where the cut is showing, exposed. He had forgotten to cover it with a band aid.

“Your cut, did you put ointment on it? Your classmates are gonna worry about you.”

He flinches at the gentle touch on the side of his lips.

“I did, but I forgot to place a band aid,” he smiles nervously. “I’ll put one inside. Bye.” Then he starts sprinting towards the gate.

Toru watches as the vocalists is running to the gate into the walkway of their school, pink dust visible in his cheeks. The guitar looks heavy on his shoulders as it bounces on his back with how fast he sprints away from the blonde, who can’t help but laugh.

It’s only 10 in the morning and the coffee shop isn’t as packed as he used to remember from that night they first knew each other. Cold winter wind blows behind the door as he enters and goes straight to the cashier, ordering coffee, fighting the visible sleepiness he’s been feeling.

“It’s not so bad,” Kaori remarks as he presses a cotton on Taka’s wound. “You’re fangirls are gonna go batshit crazy when they see this, but don’t mind them.”

“Of course I don’t think about them that much. I’m not high on popularity. It’s as annoying as it gets,” he scoffs at Kaori, brows furrowing in annoyance.

All three of them are in the cafeteria getting something to eat before the closing program commences.

“Why did you even get hurt like that? And the night before our performance, too?” Tomoya goes hysterical in an exaggerated manner. He flings his arm mid-air, acting like he is mad, but he’s only worried of their singer.

“Can you stop yelling? It’s already bad as it is, but I can still sing.”

Kaori finishes the band aid on the side of Taka’s lip before they plan to walk to the gymnasium. It’s only 4 in the afternoon and the horizon is starting to swallow the Sun, spreading hues of yellow, orange, and pink across the sky.

“Toru’s coming, right?” Taka asks shyly, tuning his guitar and not looking at Kaori.

Kaori looks at him suspiciously and calls the attention of Tomoya and Ryota. “Yes. And you know this because?”

“Yea Taka, why do you know?” Ryota asks playfully, nudging at his side. “Wait. Are you friends now?”

Taka feels crimson red blush crawling on his cheeks as he tries to hide it by frowning at his friends.

“Uhh…no?! He told me last night!” he answers, panic obvious in his tone.

“Last night?? You were with him last night??” Tomoya reacts in disbelief, looking at Ryota and the Kaori who are as surprised as he is. “You’re already making progress on Toru behind our backs!”

Tomoya gasped.

“Oh my God! What do you even mean?!” he exclaims as he tries stopping his two male friends from running around in excitement.

“He works as a cashier at the convenience store near us. I knew it the first time when I came over to your house the other night, Tomoya. Geez, you guys overreact a lot,” Taka clarifies and proceeds to drink gulps of water.

“But what about last night?” Kaori examines the situation. “Hold on. Was he the one that hit you? Oh no, tell me he didn’t do that,” she adds as he crosses her arms over his chest.

“No of course not. A bunch of bullies did this. Toru helped me take care of my cut.”

The three of them eye him with great suspicion.

“God, why am I being interrogated for making a friend?” he rolls his eyes and slings his guitar case over his shoulder.

“Friend,” Tomoya emphasizes.

“Yes, Tomoya, friend. I can’t believe you all think of me that way!” He gasps and dramatically clenches his fist on his chest. “You guys go ahead. I’ll just go to the soccer field for a while. I got this note,” he waves a tiny sheet of paper at his friends’ faces. “From Yuko-chan. Said she wants to talk about something before the show.”

“Oh. Another confession? Life of a popular guy,” Kaori snorts and places both his arms around Ryota’s and Tomoya’s shoulders as she drags them to the gymnasium, leaving a flustered Taka behind.

The soccer field is rather empty of students save for one girl standing near the benches, obviously waiting for Taka. He is all smiles as he approaches Yuko who’s wrapped in an adorable mustard yellow wool coat, shivering in the winter air. She’s been a good friend to him, but now that he thinks about it, he’s not so sure what she wants from him.

“How’s the guitar practice going?” he asks in an innocent manner.

Yuko joined the music club a few months ago to learn music, and in the club, Taka and his bandmates are all members.

“It’s been great. Thank you for being the best teacher,” she smiles sweetly. She picks out a small white stationery from her coat pocket. “Actually, that’s not why I asked you to come. I just…want you to have…to have this,” she looks at the ground shyly and extends her arms, hands holding the paper, to Taka.

“I like you, Taka. I’ve been having these feelings for a long time now. To be honest, I only joined the music club because of you, but believe me, I’ve come to love the club, too. I just want you to know that you make me happy, and that if you’d give me a chance, maybe we can go out?” Yuko speaks, looking straight into Taka’s eyes with utmost intent.

He only stares at her. Whether in awe or disbelief or utter disappointment, he can’t tell. So, he just pushes her hand holding the stationery away from him and towards Yuko’s. It’s done so lightly so he doesn’t appear condescending or arrogant, but only with pure consideration towards the girl in front of him.

“I’m sorry,” he says and starts backing away. The temperature is at 5 degrees Celsius, but he’s fighting off bullets of sweat forming in his forehead. He is muttering under his breath as he walks to the gymnasium, something about how he is the worst person in the world and that he doesn’t deserve the good things coming his way.

As he was making his way from the soccer field, a cold hand tightly grips his arm. He flinches and looks at who it is only to find a tall guy with hair so light it was almost white, smiling at him so gloriously. The way his heart drops from his chest at the sight of the blonde with him is ridiculous and unbelievable that he swears, he wishes the earth swallows him whole. He doesn’t understand it. Doesn’t understand he’s so astonished and dazzled. Doesn’t understand why everything that’s been happening is happening so fast. Doesn’t understand why it’s him. Doesn’t understand why it’s Toru that causes a loud lightning booming within the walls of his chest and why he feels all helpless now.

He only stares at Toru in return, being dumbfounded and not knowing how to react.

“The guards let guests come in already,” Toru tells him. “And…” he continues, full of suspense, “I brought you this tiny strawberry cake,” he proceeds and hands Taka a small box of strawberry cake, which he bought from the near coffee shop.

“Why?” Taka asks, not accepting the cake yet.

“To congratulate you for a successful event,” he answers and grabs Taka’s hand and places the box on his palm. “Kaori also said your section won most popular booth, thanks to your charm and voice,” he adds and playfully winks at Taka.

“It’s not all me but thank you. I don’t know how you manage to be this instantly friendly at me,” he murmurs, holding the cake to his side.

Toru smiles at him again, only this time it’s a close-mouthed smile and there’s a light wrinkle at his nose that Taka finds so endearing. He shakes it off and fixes the sling over his shoulder to carry the guitar more comfortable.

“You’re just easy to get along with. Kaori’s been telling me so many things about you,” Toru relays as they started walking together to the gymnasium. The two probably look like two princes prancing next to each other, when, as they enter the walkway, most students can’t help but stare at them like there are sparkles surrounding their bodies and leave glitters along the path walk.

“Wha…what? Has she? All good things, I hope?” Taka snickers and Toru nods in agreement.

The event goes by so fast that Taka can’t help but feel thankful that it’s over. No more class meetings and band practices to take care of. Now, all he needs to do is study for the finals before winter breaks starts and he goes full vacation mode with his friends.

Tomoya, Kaori, and Ryota all head home first. It’s only 8 in the evening and the Winter air intensifies, causing Taka to shiver underneath his coat.

“Wanna grab dinner,” Toru asks, out of the blue. Taka hasn’t even noticed that he has been standing behind him by the doorway of the gymnasium all along.

“Weren’t you going home with Kaori?” he replies in confusion.

“No. She goes the other way. Besides, I want to invite you to have dinner with me,” the blonde replies, voice ever so deep. “Please?”

The singer feels as though his heart is going to jump out of his head because why is this guy so damn blatant and aggressive?

“I’m only going to come if you pay for everything since you’re the one with a job between the two of us, and I’m only a student dependent to my limited allowance,” he answers, grabbing his guitar case, heavy on his shoulder.

Toru yanks the guitar from him. “You’re gonna damage your back some time soon. Let me carry this for you.”

The vocalist could only stare at the blonde as the other starts walking towards the exit. He holds the box of cake in his hand, still intact as he forgot to share it to his friends after the activities since all of them left earlier.

As they walk towards the gate, Taka can’t help the burning blush in his cheeks as the other students watch both of them heading outside, side by side, especially when Toru is already carrying his guitar for him. He keeps asking himself why Toru seems so friendly towards him, how mysterious he is, why is he so kind despite only knowing him for a few days. Heck, they haven’t even had deep conversations and barely know each other except for the obvious fact that both of them are Kaori’s friends and that Toru’s only staying for a while. What is all these for? He feels his head twitch for thinking too much. While they walk, he peeps at the boy beside him, tries to get a view of his face behind the blonde hair that covers a part of his eyes.

God, his eyes.

He almost hates himself for having these weird feelings towards Toru. It’s not like he hasn’t had crushes before; it’s just that he hasn’t felt this way for another boy before. He can’t even point it out bit by bit. It’s like it’s beyond the boys pretty looks—beyond his lean stance or the way his voice cuts deep through his fast beating heart.

“Are you okay?” Taka’s stream of thought come to a halt when Toru snaps a finger at him. “You’re in a trance.”

“Yes. Everything’s copacetic. I’m just hungry,” he immediately answers, smiling and scrunching his nose at the tall boy.

“Good. We’re here.”

The tall boy points to a fancy looking restaurant which is located a few crossings from their school. He opens the glass door for Taka and they both get inside, Taka being astonished at how glamorous the place looks like for a high school student like him.

From the glass door, customers are welcomed by a staff in all black uniforms. Walking further, around fifteen tables are arranged neatly, black table cloth above them, each with a small vase of white roses at the center. The whole place is monochromatic and minimal in design. And fancy, so fancy, that Taka wants to back out in embarrassment feeling like he doesn’t belong there.

Chapter Text

The two of them are seated on a table that’s directly beside a glass window where Taka can see the night lights of the establishments outside. It’s beautiful from where he was sitting; he can see the people passing by from all walks of life. Some students, some workers, some children, families, friends. It warms his heart and soon he realizes it’s been a long time since the last time he went out with his family like this. And more significantly, it’s been so long since he had let anybody else in his life the way he’s letting Toru now.

“Why did you want to come here?” he asks the blonde who’s busy choosing the food from the menu a waiter handed to him.

“I like the interiors, and I searched the internet and this place got good reviews,” the blonde answered without taking his gaze off the menu. “Should I order for you? Don’t worry, it’s my treat.”

Taka shyly smiled at the blonde even when he has been internally screaming since they had started walking to that place.

He nods and says, “sure you can. I can eat anything. Also, can you get me a glass of passion fruit juice? It’s my favorite.” Wow, getting comfortable now.

Toru snickered at that, placing the menu down and looked at the shorter boy.

“You’re adorable,” he says, after which, Taka can already feel his cheeks on flame, and he can’t even stare back. “In case you’re wondering, I brought you here for a very special reason.”

The blonde teenager fishes out his phone from his pocket and starts scrolling on the screen as if looking for something. When he finds what he’s looking for, he shows the phone screen to Taka. It’s the calendar highlighting the date that day, December 7, 2006. Taka frowns in confusion, not quite understanding what the calendar means.

“I’m not sure what I’m looking at,” he responds and Toru chuckles, not putting the phone away from Taka’s face.

The short boy stares some more at the calendar until he sees a cute, little icon of a birthday cake just at the bottom right of the box for December 7. He slaps his mouth with his palm in surprise and disbelief.

“It’s your birthday today?” he gasped.

Toru nods and says, “17th birthday, to be exact. Thank you for being here, Taka.”

A small band from the far corner of the restaurant begins to play a song. Customers start to fill in the place, most of them probably coming from after work, making Taka and Toru the only young people inside the fancy restaurant.

“You should’ve told me before we came here so I could’ve bought you a present,” Taka speaks with regret, but his stomach is a sanctuary of butterflies as Toru gives him the brightest and warmest smile he has ever seen in his entire life.

“It’s fine. You don’t have to give me anything. You already allowed yourself to come with me tonight, which by the way, I assume you’re already considering me a friend, and I’m very grateful for that,” the blonde boy responds, and Taka can see the honesty in his gleaming eyes.

Before the food gets served, Taka excuses himself to the washroom to which Toru just nodded. Toru busies himself, watching the people walk by outside, when suddenly, he hears a familiar voice. He looks around the restaurant, looking for the source of the voice, and halts when he finally sees Taka on the mini-stage by the electronic keyboard. The blonde can feel his face burning as Taka starts to press the keys in the tune of the Happy Birthday song. He really wants to stop himself from smiling too much, but how can he when he hears the most beautiful voice he had ever heard, singing and wishing him a happy birthday? Screw it. He grins and grows shy at the attention from the other customers who has also started singing along with Taka and even clapping their hands for Toru. Right there and then, Toru has just witnessed the ultimate charisma of his new found friend and has yet again understood why he’s loved by a huge population of students at their school. He feels so lucky that he thinks he might cry. But that’s out of his character. So, when Taka comes back to their table, he covers his face with his hands, feeling a little too shy from the act that Taka just pulled off.

“No wonder girls easily fall for you. You’re such a charmer,” he utters as soon as Taka sits down.

“I wish I wasn’t” Taka replies and adds, “that’s the only thing I could give as a present. Corny, I know. But what can I do? I’m only a high school student.”

“It’s the best, Taka. Thank you so much.”

When the food arrives, the two of them eat without talking. Sometimes, Taka would glance at the boy in front of him and observe the way he eats. Not in a creepy way. He’s just admiring the view, is all. He has noticed how Toru has removed the bits of tomatoes from his marinara pasta and that he only drinks warm water, never iced or cold.

“Did you like the cake?” Toru asks him after he finished his food.

“Oh my God. Did you buy this cake coz it’s your birthday?” Taka gasps, looking at the unopened box. “We didn’t eat it. I’m sorry.”

“Better. I bought it specifically for you anyway,” Toru says, words smoothly gliding out of his mouth, shameless. Taka blushes again and awkwardly drinks from his glass of passion fruit juice.

“I saw you at the soccer field today, by the way. With a girl,” the blonde says.

Taka almost spits the juice out of his mouth in embarrassment as his eyes went wide at the blonde’s revelation. Suddenly, the air in the restaurant turns stuffy in his lungs as he calms himself. The blonde just sneered at his as if he’s aware just how shy and nervous Taka has become.

“Another confession, I guess? But you looked down after though. What happened?” the blonde asks, leaning closer, curiosity obvious in his gleaming eyes.

And holy fuck if Toru’s eyes aren’t the most beautiful set of eyes he has seen in his entire life. He’d be lying if he says he’d rather stare at Toru than talk about the tragedy that is the confession he got from a friend. He just smiles back at Toru before he decides he is to be trusted with his feelings.

“Everybody befriends me, and I honestly like that so much. But then some just have their ulterior motive, mainly something romantic. It’s something that makes me sad. I just wanna have friends, but by the time they tell me their real feelings, and I can’t reciprocate, I lose them. Then I feel empty,” Taka says, melancholic amidst the pop music in the background.

“You have Tomoya, Ryota and Kaori,” the blonde replied.

“The only ones that stuck with me through it all. Honestly, what would I be without them?”

The short boy brushes his fingers on the side of his glass, the cold liquid seeping through it.

“And now, you have me,” Toru declares, the tips of his forefinger almost touching Taka’s hand on the table.

As if on cue, the band on stage starts playing a sappy pop love song that wraps the entire place, other diners enjoying their food, and Taka being electrified by how close Toru is and he can’t understand it. The world stops when Toru smiles like that—so assuring and happy. Happy, happy, happy. Fireworks bloom in his stomach, but there’s a storm in his head because he doesn’t understand it. He can’t comprehend the strange feelings boiling within his chest, and he wants so bad to know why he feels so. It’s a crush, for sure. But is it really just a crush when he sits there, Toru on the other side, and he badly wants to touch that hand and just tell him everything about himself?

The world moves again when Taka’s phone rings violently in his pocket.

Chapter Text

Taka quickly runs up the stairs and straight to the locked door of his mother’s bedroom. His brothers have incessantly called his phone since he was in the restaurant with Toru until he reached the gate of their house. They claimed that they heard a loud, alarming scream from the inside followed by something heavy falling. When Tomohiro got upstairs, as what he has told Taka, the room was already locked and his first thought was to immediately call his brother for help.

He feels bad. Both because he has run off from Toru without explaining to him what was happening, and because he couldn’t do anything about his mother. Doesn’t even know what’s happening to her. It wasn’t like this the last time and it puzzles him now. There are tears welling up upon the waterline of his eyes as he violently knocks on the door and screams for his mother. Minutes later, Tomohiro comes back with the house keys in his hands, fumbling as he inserts a key to the keyhole praying every time that it is the right key.

Taka places the soft blanket over his mother’s sleeping form on the hospital bed. As per the doctor, she has overdosed on sleeping pills and lost consciousness after crying for help.

“Mom,” Taka whispers as he clasps his mother’s hand and stops himself from tearing up.

“Please don’t leave us. I can’t live without you.”

Before he can even stop himself completely from breaking down, he is already sobbing. So loudly and shamelessly. Something he has deliberately never done anywhere where his brothers can see. He’s the strongest among them and he needs to live by that idea. But he’s at his breaking point and he blames it all on that time his father completely disappeared. And now, the only person he could ever trust with his entire life is ruined and gone, and has become a whole new person Taka cannot even recognize. Not even with this short distance between them. He falls apart right there and then while his mother lies on the bed so peacefully as though not a single storm has ever trampled her.

“I won’t ever leave you until you come back, mom,” he says as he hiccups; his hand trembling and throat heavy with sobs he hasn’t cried yet.

It’s almost midnight when Toru notices a brooding figure of a boy by the seats outside the convenience store. There hasn’t been a lot of customers in the past minutes and it feels like Toru hasn’t seen a single human being since his eventful birthday dinner. He’s still thinking about it. Thinking about how it was a smorgasbord of happy, fluttering, sullen, and then panic and adversity.

The way Taka’s eyes widened when he answered the phone in front of Toru befuddled him. But even more so, he felt worried especially when Taka started running off without a single word, just a vexing gaze at him. It could’ve been the best night of his life, he thought. But now, even when the odds were against them, it has drawn him closer to Taka. He wants to know what happened; wants to know what made him scared. The urge is growing more and more the more he thinks of the way Taka sings, the way his eyes speaks, the way he prevents himself from smiling, the way his face turns from happy to melancholic. He admits he wants to be a part of all of it.

“Taka,” he breathes out his name as though it will magically bring the boy in front of him.

He turns away from the cashbox and pretends to arrange the piles of cigarettes behind him. He reaches out for one pack, acts as if he’s reading its label, and puts it back on its shelf before he picks up another one. His mind keeps going back to that dinner, and even farther away to that time he first heard Taka sing and play the guitar. Maybe he’s going crazy. He hasn’t felt this way for another person, let alone for a guy. He’s a popular high school heartthrob at his old high school to begin with. What with his cool stance and intelligent mind. What has Taka done to him?

“Toru.”

He shudders and says, “damn, I can even hear his voice now.”

The air conditioning feels colder than before. Toru continues to pretend arranging the cigarettes and shaking thoughts of Taka away.

“Toru-san.”

He freezes.

“Aaaahhh!!! Why am I hearing his voice? I’m really going crazy!!”

He screams to himself and even smacks his cheeks to wake himself up.

“Toru, I’m really here. If you would just turn your back!” Taka shouts as he reaches for Toru’s shirt collar to pull him backwards and make the blonde look at him. “I’m here,” he repeats.

The cigarettes in Toru’s hands all drop on the floor and he feels thankful he hasn’t said anything embarrassing aside from the fact that he thought he was only imagining Taka’s voice. His panic slowly dies down when he notices Taka’s eyes are red and puffy. Taka is wearing his usual black hoodie, but he has a thick black muffler around his neck up to his nose like he has intended to cover his entire face.

“What’s wrong?” he asks as he swiftly exits the counter and heads to where Taka is standing.

As if out of reflex, he cups Taka’s face to get a better look of the singer’s face. He can’t be hurt again. He just almost got beaten up by thugs the other night.

“Are you alright? What happened to you? Did you get hurt? Are you sick? Did you come here alone?”

Toru’s questions start flooding unstoppably that Taka’s chest felt heavy amidst the soft touch of the blonde’s hands on his face. Taka could no longer stop himself as he breaks apart in front of Toru and starts crying on the blonde’s chest. He is crying so hard he’s sure he’s wetting the blonde’s shirt but he doesn’t care. He feels like there’s nobody else for him but Toru. His hands are clenched in fists on the side of his thighs as Toru, dumbfounded as he is, pats Taka’s head and back. The cold air surround both of them, but Toru’s chest is warm with Taka’s tears.

“What happened?” Toru asks, this time in a calm manner.

Taka raises his head from Toru’s chest and it almost breaks Toru’s heart to see the short boy like that.

He brings Taka a small carton of strawberry milk as the boy sits on one of the plastic chairs outside. Taka has already stopped crying. He takes the milk from Toru, eyes focused on the cement ground.

“You can tell me what’s bothering you when you’re ready,” the blonde tells him.

The short boy sniffles and then punches the straw on the carton. Tears start welling up in his eyes again as he takes a long sip, and then breathes in heavy after swallowing the drink.

“You’re my friend, right?” Taka asks but without looking at the boy across from him.

“Yes,” Toru answers without hesitation. “Of course, I’m your friend.”

Toru is on the edge of his seat as he waits for Taka to speak. He prays hard nobody comes in the store so he could listen to Taka and be there for him even when he has zero understanding of what’s happening yet.

“Today is the anniversary of when my father left us,” Taka starts telling his story all while staring blankly at the ground.

The moon hangs heavy upon the starless sky and the neighborhood stand in complete silence. The only sound they can hear is each other’s breathing— thick due to the winter air. Toru spots Taka’s listlessness; a very far cry from how he sees Taka. He realizes this is the version of Taka he doesn’t want to witness. Yet, there they are, sitting in deafening silence across from each other, and Toru looking at Taka in despair.

“Mom’s suffering from depression. But she gets to her worst on this particular day. She takes a day off from work and stays in bed all day, just that. But today was different. Today she did something bad,” Taka narrates, pressing and folding the empty milk box in his hands.

“It’s not something I expected her to do because she’s always been expressive about not leaving us, me and my brothers, unlike dad.”

Toru refrains from showing how shocked he is. He feels guilty for taking Taka’s time earlier when he could have just let him go home. Maybe if he did, none of it would have happened. Maybe if he knows how to set his feelings aside. Maybe if he knows his place. Maybe.

“I just came from the hospital and stayed there til visiting hours were over. My mom looked like a whole new person. It’s like I don’t know her anymore and I got so scared, Toru. I got so scared.”

Taka muffles a whimper in his thick scarf and the blonde can see tears falling every now and then from his eyes. He reaches out for Taka’s hand and holds them by their knuckles, his thumbs drawing circles as if for comfort. He gets up from his seat and walks to Taka’s side, wordlessly commanding him to stand up. When Taka stands, Toru embraces him so delicately as though it’s the only thing he can do.

“I’ve always felt so lonely, Toru,” Taka murmurs as he gives in to the hug and places his arms around the blonde’s waist.

“You don’t have to feel lonely now. I’m here.”

The two of them remain standing in a soft, warm embrace for a few good seconds til Taka pulls away. He feels ashamed crying and breaking down like that in front of someone he barely even know. But when he looks up, he sees Toru’s bright, dazzling eyes. And they’re so comforting that for a second there, he feels alright and safe.

Safer, even.