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Chapter Text

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CHARACTER PROFILES 

I love you till I die

Save me save me save me

I can't face this life alone

Save me save me save me

I'm naked and I'm far from home

The slate will soon be clean

I'll erase the memories

To start again with somebody new

-Save me, Queen

The sky was dark, except for the flash of sunlight that hit the room perfectly when you time it right. The snow was falling outside as a thousand feathers had fallen from the sky. Nothing uncommon for a cold December winter in London. When the flash of sunlight would hit the window, it was blinding. But also comforting.

He never did like the winter, too cold and everyone was out and about spreading whatever sickness they had. This winter was different, it was warmer more often but something happened in that winter that changed their lives forever. Luke Deacon lies in the bed, for once he felt safe and secure in the covers and blankets. Luke Deacon, the man who was probably going to be voted for cutest man alive. His long brown hair was sprawled across his face and shoulders from when he had fallen into bed the night before.

He didn't wake up because of the light, it was absences of the thing that laid next to him. He stretched his arms out with ease and moved the hair out of his eyes so that he could rub the sleep out. His eyes were big and brown, everyone always said it was one of his most demeaning qualities. He lifted his head up from the pillow (that had some drool on it) and looked up at the blurry figure that stood by the bed.  Ah, it was just this husband.

Rufus Tiger Taylor, world's renowned drummer. His long blonde hair was tied in a messy bun and looked like he had been up for a while now. He smiled at Luke, he had the bluest of eyes that you swear you can see the ocean in them. Luke always liked the way mornings, where he could see a little while an awake up to see Rufus staring at him like they were the only two people on Earth. Even though it seems a little creepy.

He smiled back and then looked at the thing Rufus was holding, it was a baby. It was their baby boy. Meddows Richard Taylor was only a few weeks old, but he seemed to be growing so fast. The top of his head was covered in blonde hair and he showed the same bright blue eyes Rufus had. The little boy smiled at Luke, he had no teeth to smile but it was still adorable.

They usually didn't get up this late, either Meddows was extra tired or Luke somehow managed to sleep through his screaming. He wouldn't be surprised if he did, especially with all the antidepressants he's been taking. “Say good morning to Dada” Rufus talked to the child and waved his tiny arm around like he was waving. To Meddows, Rufus was always papa and Luke was always dad or daddy.

“Good morning cutie” Luke smiled at the pair, it had become so uncommon that he smiled.

“Are you talking about me or him?” Rufus pointed to himself and then at Meddows.

“Both,” he said simply and sat himself up more to stretch his legs. Rufus walked over to his side of the bed and sat down near his waist, Meddows was reaching out for Luke to hold him. Luke always hesitated, the most parent would feel hot but Luke just felt fear. It's not that he didn't love Meddows, he loved him too much. He was scared of hurting him, the doctors called it Postpartum depression.

“Luke it’s okay, I got him” Rufus snapped him out of his thought and still held his out but supported his head and legs while he gently placed Meddows in Luke’s arms. His hands were shaking and he felt like he was going to drop him at any second, but he didn’t. Once he had a tight grip on his child he felt a lot better and smiled at the little boy who didn’t have a care in the world. He felt his son's soft hair and skin, he still had the weird new baby smell on him.

The last few weeks had been hell for Luke and for Rufus. Luke’s father had died, and Meddows other twin Veronica was stillborn. All things that could go wrong went wrong in those few weeks. Meddows had to stay in the hospital for a whole other week, just to make sure everything was okay with him. That meant Meddows couldn’t go home with them, it broke Luke and Rufus's heart.

Rufus nearly broke down in tears when they came home and he found Luke, lying on the floor of the nursey and holding a goose toy. They sat on the floor of the nursery and cried together for what felt like hours. In that week the only time Luke would go outside was the head to the hospital and check on Meddows and Tigerlily, he would spend the entire day there. Rufus would join him and take a picture, Luke even mustered up the courage to post a picture of Meddows with the caption saying “I can now join the dads who make dad jokes club”. They were flooded with congratulations but that seemed to make everything worse, it just reminded the couple that Veronica couldn’t receive all that love.

That week was exhausting and when Meddows was finally able to come home, that was the only thing that made Luke smile. Tigerlily already had a place for herself to live so she would be going as soon as they left the hospital. She made a promise though, to remain in Meddows life and visit regularly. to Meddows, Tigerlily was auntie Tiger but they would have to tell him the truth at some point.

Bean their dog was a little confused when they came home with Meddows. He sniffed and stuck his face in the baby carrier to try and pick him, but Meddows was just giggling the whole time and tried to reach out to pet him. Then they went into the nursery, they had two cribs and one would always remain empty. Luke couldn't cry, he ran out of tears to cry but you could tell he was close. When Luke began to cry then Meddows started crying as he looked at him.

“I'm sorry Meddows” Luke whipped his face and bent down to the baby carrier “daddy just a little upset” and kissed the top of his head. Rufus wanted to take the crib down that night but Luke insisted he didn't want to, Meddows would be sleeping in their room for the first year anyway. That night Rufus insisted that Meddows sleep in their bed, for his sake and Luke's sake. He didn't argue with it. “How did we get such a beautiful baby boy?” Luke held Meddows as they laid in bed, few stroked his hair and face.

“I have absolutely no idea, I love him so much” Rufus smiled and kissed the top of the little boys head.

“I love him too, more than anything” he hugged him like he could be taken away at any moment.

“I love you Luke” he put his hand on his cheek and looked him right in the eyes.

“I love you, Rufus, I'm sorry if i-i” he didn't need to say anymore.

“Luke, there's is nothing you need to be sorry about” he reached over and kissed him, it was so simple but it meant something. This one said, “you're okay, you're not broken at all, your perfect” then they broke apart. “Goodnight Meddows” Rufus kissed his son's head and wrapped his arms around him.

“Goodnight little duckie” he still liked the nickname and was still going to use it. He didn't let go of Meddows the entire night. He wasn't going to ever let go of his perfect baby boy, not like how he had to let go of Veronica.

“How did you sleep?” Rufus sat next to him off the bed and ran his long fingers through Luke's hair to get the knots out. Meddows was looking up at them with a big smile on his face and holding onto Luke's finger.

“Another dream” he answered sadly. Since Meddows birth, Luke had been having the most vivid of nightmares. He didn't remember them but there were a few little things he could recall from them, like a voice talking or a baby crying. He even saw Veronica in one of them. That would usually end with Luke waking up in a cold sweat and waking up Rufus and Meddows with a scream.

Those night Rufus would have to hold Luke down while he was freaking out and trying his best to calm him down, then he would check in Meddows to see if he was okay. “Luke, it's just a dream babe” Rufus held onto his shoulders and held his husband close to his chest and stroked his hair.

“I-ii” he stuttered his word but Rufus just held him protectively, like he would kill anyone who tried to hurt him.

“I'm sorry” Rufus hated thinking of those nights, he held Luke's hand and kisses his wrist. It was the same wrist that had the name “Rufus” tattooed on it.

“Well I didn't wake you guys up this time” he let out a small smile, he was trying to look at the bright side. For his own sake and for Rufus and Meddows.

“Yeah, that's a sign of improvement” he gave him a kiss on the forehead and got up to go get dressed.

“Is it that day?”.

“Yeah, it is” the smile that was on his face a few seconds before was now gone. Today was Veronica's funeral, the would be going to the cemetery. Rufus did most of the planning since Luke couldn't even bear to think about their baby. “A parent shouldn't have to bury their children” Rufus thought, children were supposed to outlive their parents. “Do you want to bring him?” Rufus pointed to Meddows.

“Yes, he needs to see his sister” he was a little hesitant since it was so cold outside but this would be the last time he would get to see her. Sometimes he wondered if Meddows has any memory of her when they were in the womb if he even knew she was there. He hoped he did. Luke dragged himself out of bed with Meddows in hand, still scared of dropping him. Rufus and Luke matched outfits with black blazers, jeans, and black heavy winter coats and scarfs. Meddows outfit was adorable and he was covered with a thick newborn jacket and wrapped in blankets.

“There you go little one” Rufus slipped the little rainbow beanie on Meddows head, it made Luke smile just a little bit. They had to get a new stroller because the one they brought before was fit for twins and it just felt wrong to use it, it was a physical reminder that Veronica was gone.

Veronica had a place in the same cemetery as her grandfather John Deacon, expect she was in the section specifically for children. “You ready?” Rufus asked, turning to Luke as they were sitting in the car, capturing all the warmth they could before stepping out into the cold winter.

“Not really, but we have to do it” he looked over at Rufus with his big sad eyes. Rufus wanted nothing more than to pull him into his arms, go home and pretend like none of this was happening. But there was nothing they could do to hold this off. Rufus, Luke, and Meddows were the only ones at the funeral, the press didn’t know about Veronica so they would follow them there. The cemetery was quiet and depressing, and snow was covering the ground.

Rufus pushed Meddows in his stroller as they walked through the fields of graves, Luke walked slightly ahead of them and looked down the entire time. Like he was ready to collapse into himself. They then approached the plack, it wasn't too big. “Veronica Debbie Taylor loved forever and always” Luke read it out loud and fell to his knees in front of it. Rufus took Meddows from his stroller, wrapped him in a blanket and sat next to Luke on the snow-covered grass.

“She had such small hands” Rufus looked the grave and in the corners was her little handprint the hospital took.

“Yeah, cute little alien fingers” he giggles a little bit before leaning his head against Rufus and trying to hold back tears.

“We also have this” Rifis got up from their spot, went to the stroller and came back with the little goose toy. Luke had given it to the morgue and they filled the toy with a box of Veronica's ashes.

“there she is” Luke smiled at the toy and cliches it to his chest, it was the only thing they had left of her. “Do you think he remembers her?” Luke broke their silence and looked at Meddows who was sleeping in Rufus's arms.

“Maybe, but we'll have to tell him someday” that day wouldn't be for a long time but it was a terrifying thought. What were they going to say? Hey, Meddows you have a dead twin sister that we kept hidden from you.

Meddows would be upset of course, because they didn't tell him earlier and the fact that his sister is dead. Luke didn't like to imagine the pain he would go through, knowing that he would never get to meet her, scare a room with her, talk to her. Or do anything with her.

“That won't be for a long time, I don't think he even knows what death is” he ran his finger through the little boy's soft hair. Babies brains where always developing and picking up things, would he remember this conversation? “But we'll have more babies, maybe a girl and we can name her-” Veronica.

“Luke, no matter how many babies we have” he took his hand in his and tries to talk as softly as possible “it will never bring Veronica back”. He started choking on his words.

Whenever asked, Luke would have to say he has only one child. It felt like he was erasing Veronica from his memory. Like she was nothing. In his and in Rufus mind, they had two children.

They didn't care who knew it, or who didn't. They had two children. Veronica has still encased in their memory, and the thirty minutes they spent with her before going back to Meddows. The child they did have needed them. They couldn't mope around.

They would never let Meddows feel neglected because they were busy mourning for the child they didn't have. “What are you scared of?” Rufus spoke and broke Luke's thoughts.

“usually nothing, but now I'm just scared of everything” he answered truthfully, something inside him changed and he didn't know if he would ever feel okay again “What's your fear?”.

“You” he spoke quietly and looked down at the grass.

“Me?” He was confused.

“I'm scared that one day you'll look in the mirror and see yourself as I see you. You'll realize just how amazing you are and that you deserve better than me... I'm afraid that you'll leave” he spoke with such emotions and leaned in and gave Luke a bit kiss.

“I would never leave you, or you” he pointed to Meddows “and child maintenance is expensive” they both laughed as they held hands.

“You ready to go?” It seemed to be getting colder and darker by the minute.

“Yeah, I'm ready” he sounded a lot stronger and he wasn't looking at the ground anymore. Maybe he was healing? Maybe he was hiding how much pain he was in from the whole world. Rufus didn't know, but he did know one thing.

He couldn't face with life alone.

Chapter Text

A word in your ear, from father to son

Hear the word that I say

I fought with you, fought on your side

Long before you were born

Joyful the sound, the word goes around

From father to son, to son…

-Father to Son, Queen

Your worthless

You can’t raise a kid, you can barely take care of yourself.

Your broken, Rufus is gonna leave you because your so broken.

Meddows will resent you, he doesn't really love you.

YOUR THE REASON VERONICA IS DEAD.

The nights were always the hardest, he was alone with his thought and Rufus was fast asleep and couldn’t be there to snap him out of it. It was terrifying, dark and his mind was racing a thousand miles an hour. Luke was never one to be this weak, but now it seemed like a simple sentence could make him go into a downward spiral. He turned away from Rufus’s back and faced the window that was shining bright moonlight into their bedroom. He faced the crib that held his newborn son who seemed to be moving around a little bit, he was facing Luke and looking straight at him with his big blue eyes.
He couldn’t just lay there so he did the only thing he could think of, he went and picked Meddows up from his crib and just held him. Now that he was looking closer at his son's face, he could see some resemblance. He had his nose and maybe a similar face shape but for now, he was too small to tell. “Daddy loves you, you know that right?” he spoke to the boy who probably didn’t understand a word he was saying. Did he know how much he loved him? Could he sense the distrust in himself whenever he was near Meddows or holding him?   
“I would never do anything to hurt you” a few tears landed on Meddows small face “Your smile looks a little weird without any teeth, but your still cute” his son was smiling at him with his toothless smile. How did I create such a cute babe? He asked himself, and he legitimately did not have an answer.

Loving something is terrifying, it opened him up to getting hurt. He loved his son, and he was hurting badly from the love he wanted to give. Never let anyone tell you that Luke didn’t love his son. He was scared but never, never, never would he ever stop loving his son. He would die for his son, just like how he would die for Rufus. He would kill for his son.
Never let anyone tell you that Luke didn’t love his son.

“So how about the nightmares?”.
“Rufus helps me through them but I can’t deal with them on my own”.
“Maybe we should work on that”.
“Okay”.
“What about your thought on Veronica? Do you still blame yourself for her…”.
“Yes, I do”.
“Luke, you need to-”.
“I know what I need to do, but I can’t”.
“Will you promise me you will try?”.
“I can’t promise anything”.  

He wouldn’t have gone to therapy if Rufus has not coerced him into it. It did help a little bit, but Luke didn’t like to admit to that. The therapist had taught him things to deal with his nightmares, how to stop the thoughts he had. It felt wrong going, he was an adult and he should be able to solve his problems on his own. Rufus only had good intentions with therapy, he saw how fragile Luke was and thought talking to someone would help. His therapist even talked to Rufus and told him how to calm Luke down.
He was grateful for that but he seemed to heal fine on his own and as time went on. “Hey” Rufus smiled at his husband as he came walking out of the therapist off, Rufus and Meddows were in the waiting room waiting for him.
“Hey stupid” Luke wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him gently and then bent down to look at Meddows who was in his little carrier. He held onto the little blanket he liked to suck on and was wrapped in a little blanket and a cute little onesie. “Hey little man” he touched his blonde hair that was sprouting up more and more as he grew and the little boy smiled up at Luke. They finally felt comfortable taking him out in public since it was now spring and he was vaccinated, so he wouldn’t get sick.
“You seem very happy today, which isn’t a bad thing” he moved a piece of hair out of Luke’s face so he could get a good look at his beautiful face “Did you have a good session?”.
“No, It was” he looked at Meddows and then pressed his lips to Rufus’s ear “Shit” he whispered.
“If it was that bad then why is my beautiful husband so happy?” he didn’t wanna press further.
“Can’t I just be happy to see you?” he cocked his brown at the blonde man.
“No, you never are” Rufus joked and received a punch in the chest from Luke in return.   
“I’m always happy to see you and I’m happy because we’re going out for lunch and I’m hungry” he turned away and picked up the little carrier that held Meddows. Rufus stared at him for a second, he was acting like his normal self, not like the quiet, reserved Luke that had come out. It was sort of weird, but also a sign he was getting better. Now only had they not taken Meddows out, Luke also hadn't been out in a long time. The only time he was when he would have band rehearsal and would return straight home afterward.
Rufus decided to treat him to lunch at his favorite place, it would be different with Meddows there but he would most likely be asleep the entire time. He was always asleep now a day.

“So that’s how Archie almost died” Luke was finishing his story as they walked through the shopping center, he held Rufus on his arm and Meddows was in his stroller fast asleep. Lunch was fantastic, Meddows barely fused and it was nice just to have a nice afternoon out. Luke was smiling and laughing, pecking light kissed on Rufus's cheek every once and awhile. After lunch, they did some shopping, mostly to Luke's favorite stores and just walking around.
“Thank you for being my bag holder,” Luke said to Rufus as they entered yet another store.
“It's nice to know I have some propose” he had about four big bags in his hands and Luke was pushing the stroller.
“it's a nice day, I'm happy” it was the first time in months that Luke could say he was happy. Like the winter, where the sky is so dark and the world seemed so cold. Now it was spring and the darkness had cleared, not all the way but enough to begin a journal towards recovery.
“I'm happy when you're happy, and I think he's been happier as well” he read somewhere that babies could sense emotions, and it seemed that whenever Luke was upset. Meddows would be upset as well and would cry and scream more.
“And it's even better when-” he so spoke too soon, he was going to say he was happy that no paparazzi were taking photos of him. He knew they wanted pictures of Meddows, they loved to pray on children, but Luke would be having none of it. He saw a few photographers outside the store, looking through the windows and trying to look a Meddows.
“Maybe we should get going” Rufus started guiding them to the exit.
“Hold on” Luke took out a blanket from Meddows diaper bag and wrapped it around Meddows carrier so that they couldn't see him. Then they walked to try and find a back exit but there was none, so they would have to walk through the photographer.
“You gonna be okay?” Rufus asked before they walked into the swarm, he knew how much this bothers him and the last thing he wanted was for Luke to fall back into that darkness.
“I'll be okay Rufus” he nodded and they stepped out onto the burst street. They're where around 4 or 5 photographers, most of them pointed at Rufus but a few towards the carrier. Luke tried to cover his face from the light and hid his eyerolls with the sunglasses he wore. Then one of the photographers started talking.
“Rufus, Rufus, can we get a picture of the baby?” The guy asked he seemed to from a big gossip magazine.
“No you can not, and can you please stop shining your camera in my son's face, it hurts his eyes” they all had the flash on and doctors said flash was bad for him. Rufus tried not to lose his temper because he knew that's what they wanted, for him to lash out and make a fool of himself. Luke tried to shield Meddows as much as he could but then another camera went off and the light hit Meddows directly. Luke and Rufus could tell because he could hear him moving and making little noises. “Hey-” Rufus was more than a little pissed and was ready to drag his camera when the guy spoke up again.
“What about the other baby?” Luke's heart stopped, he stopped right in his tracks and just stared at the guy.
“What did you say?” Rufus couldn't believe what he was hearing.
“You had twins, so where the other one?” He seemed generally curious, Luke just wanted to curl up into himself but he stood by for Meddows sake.
“No, we didn't, we have one kid and even if we did it's none of your damn business” Rufus snapped back and then held Luke's back as they walked away from the cameras. They kept waking up till they reached the car and put Meddows in the back, he still had the blanket over him. The drove about half a block until they knew none was following them.
“Hey, little man” Luke unbuckled as they parked and turned around to take the blanket off of Meddows face. He looked okay, maybe a little scared because of lights as he was whining a little bit.
“I'll feed-” Rufus was going to offer but Luke already had gone to the backseat, picked Meddows up and brought him to the front so that he could be fed.
“Did the cameras scare you?” Luke talked to Meddows as he drank the bottle and looked up at him. “It's okay, me and papa are here” he ran his fingers through the little boy's hair. Rufus looked on at the scene, Luke never really fed Meddows cause he was scared to hold him but now he seemed like a pro.
“Are you okay?” Rufus asked Luke, he knew the answer without even looking at him. Luke shook his head ‘no’ and looked down at Meddows. “Luke, talk to me” Rufus held his free hand, the therapist said they needed to talk to each other whenever something was bothering them or they were upset.  
“How did they know we have a second baby?” he spoke low and quietly “we didn’t tell anyone out of the family, how could they-” he cut himself off, talking a few deep breaths.
“I don’t know, maybe someone hinted at it” he was just a clueless as everyone else “but hey, at least they didn’t take any photos of Meddows”. They wanted to keep him out of the public eye as much as possible, make sure Meddows could have a normal childhood. It would be hard, people liked to snoop and spread rumors, but they would make it work.

Delilah meow, meow, mow (Delilah Mercury)

Delilah: Luke

Delilah: slut pick up your phone

Luke: your so impatient

Delilah: i’m not impatient, your just SLOOOW

Luke: I have a baby

Delilah: I have 4 cats

Delilah: I KNOW THE STRUGGLE

Luke: What was so urgant

Delilah: I forgot :/

Luke: :|

Delilah: I REMEMBER
Delilah:cheak The Sun website

Luke: The Sun, like the drama newspaper

Delilah: YEP

Luke: UGGHHH

It was later in the day and everyone was just relaxing in the living room, Rufus was holding a sleeping Meddows and Luke was cuddled up next to them. “What’s Delilah up to now?” Rufus asked Delilah was probably up to her weird shenanigans (typical Delilah).
“She said to check The Sun, probably some crappy gossip article or something” he opened google and typed in The Sun. The first result was the thing Delilah was probably talking about. The headline read “ROCK STAR’S NEW MYSTERY BABY, OVERPROTECTIVE DAD” he scrolled through the article. It read like a shitty novel, mostly talking about how people were so curious about Meddows and how people thought it was weird on how they covered Meddows face. At the end of the article was a video of Rufus confronting the paparazzi, people were calling him ‘defensive, aggressive and overprotective’. The thing that caught him off guard was the part that mentioned Luke, it talked about how Luke looked weird and depressed.
“What is that?” Rufus poked his head over his shoulder.
“Here” he handed his phone over to him and Rufus passed Meddows over for Luke to hold. He looked closely at the phone and Luke could see him getting more and more upset as he kept reading.      
“son of a bitch” he cursed without even thinking and rubbed his hands on his face, simmering he did so not to lose his temper. “And they think I harassed him, what the hell do they think they're doing!” He vented, his face turning red with anger.
“Calm down bullseye” Luke rubbed his shoulder to try and calm him and held Meddows close to them, it was impossible to get angry around his adorable little face.
“Maybe I should find where he lives and give him-” Luke cut him off with a kiss, messaging his face with his skilled fingers.
“Then I would have to bail you out of prison, and Meddows would miss you while your serving 6 months for attempted murder” Luke joked, it helped lighten the mood and he felt his relax under the palm of his hand.
“Your right, when did you become the calm one while I'm going crazy?” He asked Luke was different and calmer now. He still was crazy and wild, loved making jokes but he was still depressed.
“I don't know, though I can get pretty crazy in the-”.
“FILTHY” Rufus cut him off, he knew what he was implying but there was a baby around. Luke tried not to let the press get to him, but he was still so fragile. He hated being treated like glass or something to be fixed. Rufus wasn't there to fix him, he supported him. He had to solve his problems on his own, he had to do it for himself.
He had to do it for his son.

Chapter Text

Yesterday

Love was such an easy game to play

Now I need a place to hide away

Oh, I believe in yesterday

Why she had to go, I don't know

She wouldn't say

I said something wrong

Now I long for yesterday

-Yesterday, The Beatles

“Luke, you okay?”.

“Yes, I'm fine” his hands clenched the sheets and covers that surrounded his naked body. The soft cotton rubbed against his back and thighs like it was hugging him in an embrace. His long arms and legs were relaxed for the first time in what seemed like forever, no stress and no tension. Her face was still soft from the early morning and not stained with tears like they had been from the last few weeks, inserted not with the expression of pleasure and ecstasy.

Ecstasy, such a strange sensation now that he thought about it. How did he know it was real? That anything he felt was real and deserving, not just a thing he made up in his broken mind. His mind was not broken . That's what Rufus had told him, was his lover even real?

Snap out of it Luke, your supposed to be enjoying this.

He was enjoying it, the closeness of their bodies, the feeling of their heartbeats pressed together and the soft looks they gave each other. He hasn't felt this since Meddows was born a few months ago, it felt wrong doing it with him in the room. Now Meddows was approaching 5 months old and they had an excuse this time. Rufus would be going away.

On tour for about two months, he didn't wanna tour until Meddows was about one year old but now he didn't really have much of a choice. The new album so he had to tour, he wasn't happy about it and neither was Luke. What he really worried was him missing important millstones in Meddows life. He was going to be taking soon and late walking, he didn't wanna miss any of that. Luke sweated he would film whatever we happening but it wasn't the same.

“Fuck Luke, so close” Rufus moaned as he thrusting his hips forward and kissed Luke's neck, trying not to mark him. He was getting pleasure but yet he was still thinking about Meddows, he couldn't help it. Meddows was on his mind 24/7, he was always worried and scared when he wasn't around. Rufus thought it was cute the way Luke would talk about Meddows even when he wasn't around, calling him “momma bear”. He loved that kid even more than he lived himself or food.

“Rufus please” he went back to the task at hand, he worked his fingers through the blonde man's hair and all over his body. He looked up at Rufus who was laying on top of him, his long blonde hair acting as a curtain from the rest of the world.

“I love you,” Rufus said leaning in for a kiss and holding his husbands face in his hand as he kissed him softly and passionately. Their hands collided in a dance as they kissed, feeling their soft palms touch.

“I love you,” Luke said back, holding his hand harder as he came closer and closer to finishing.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck” he grinned in closer and let out a loud moan as he released inside his lover and collapsed on top of Luke in exhaustion.

“Wow” Luke let out as he let out a deep breath as his orgasm settled and he wrapped his arms around Rufus.

“Your so-”.

“WAAAAHHHHH” Meddows screamed just as Rufus sat up to look at Luke. Rufus let out a sigh as he got up to go take care of their little duck. One thing that Luke always noticed about Meddows, is that he liked to scream and scream LOUD. Like an ear piercing, defying scream that would scare them awake. Bean their dog even hated the screaming the would jump up in shock.

Luke tried to get up but Rufus was already cleaned up a little more and was holding the little boy in his arms, rocking him back and forth to soothe him. “Hey little screamer,” Rufus said as Meddows quieted down when he was rocked and had the little blanket that he liked to suck on.

“He's upset that you're leaving,” Luke said from the bed and Rufus brought over a much calmer Meddows.

“I know, I'm upset too” he sat on the bed next to Luke with Meddows sitting in his lap. It pained him being away from them. “I'm gonna miss you so-and oh my God I sound like a dad” Rufus laughed at himself. He always saw dad's that never wanted to be away from they're children and where overprotective, he never thought he'd be like that until now.

“Well you're a good dad, next thing we need is a minivan and tracking chips” Luke joked, Meddows seemed to be laughing too as he crawled on Luke.

“We are never getting a minivan” or they would at least get a cool looking one “and you're a good mum”.

“I'm a guy”.

“Doesn't matter, your so nurturing so you're the mummy” he kissed up Lukes neck and face. Luke was very nurturing, when in the right circumstances. When he's not in a state of other panic or confusion.

“Still he needs papa” he leaned into Rufus' shoulder and looked at the little blonde boy who was looking up at him.

“I know, but at least it's only for two months instead of 4” that's how long they usually lasted but this time it was different.

“Yeah” at least that was one good thing.

“Are you going to be okay on your own with him?” Rufus turned to him. Luke didn't know how to answer, he was an adult and could take care of himself. Now that he had a baby and was still in a weird mental state, it would be different and more difficult. The idea of having no help terrified him, he loved Meddows but he was a piece of work.

“I don't know” he answered honestly, Rufus wrapped his arms around his shoulders in a protective embrace.

“I'll call you every day, make sure your okay and-” Luke cut him off.

“Rufus you can't protect me from everything” he felt bad depending on him like he was made of broken pieces that Rufus needed to put back together. He had to put himself together again, even if it hurt him more and more.

“I know baby” He stroked Luke’s long brown hair and kissed his forehead. Rufus was struggling as well, he wasn't as obvious as Luke but the pain was still there. Luke didn’t hear the tears he shed when he was in the shower, or him pushing for a tour so he could get his mind off Veronica. He could never let him see, he had to be strong. For him.

Yesterday. Love was such an easy game to play

“You're adorable”.

“I’m not adorable, I’m scared and I strike fear into the hearts of thousands”.

“No, your cute” Rufus pinched Luke’s cheek as they waited for the tour bus to be loaded up. It was a sunny summer day and the sky was a bright shade of blue. Meddows wore a matching blue onesie with little rays of sunshine on them. “He's cute too” he looked down at Meddows who was laying in his stroller and looking up at his parents.

“Well now he is before he just looked like a potato” Luke jokes, it helped ease the anxiety he was feeling.

“Well now he's our cute potato” he gave Luke a kiss on the cheek and wrapped his arms around his waist.

“Hey Luke, Meadow” Justin Hawking came over to the group, gave Luke a hug and fluffed up Meddows blonde hair that was growing on his head. “Roo bus is almost ready” he pats on Rufus’s shoulder.

“I’ll be ready in a minute” he gave Justin a little nod and turned back to Luke and Meddows. “Come here” He opened his arm up and Luke jumped into a hug, he lifted him up a few inches which made Luke giggle. “Take care of yourself, three meals a day, take your medication or I swear to god I will have Delilah babysit you”.

“I don’t need a babysitter when I have a baby to take care of” Luke smiled at Rufus and took Meddows from his carrier and handed him to Rufus.

“Hey little man, be good for daddy okay? Be a big boy and take care of him while I’m gone” he spoke to Meddows with a half-joking half serious tone. Meddows was the thing that kept Luke going, his purpose in everything he did. They needed each other. “Papa will be home soon, I love you and I love you” he kissed Meddows forehead and gave Luke a big kiss with their baby between them.

“Stay safe okay, I love you” he kissed him again and took Meddows and held him in his arms.

“I love you, I’ll see you soon” he gave him one last kiss before he let go of Luke’s hand and walked towards the bus. Luke didn’t look at Rufus as he left, instead, he looked at Meddows. Meddows was a part of Rufus, a piece of his flesh and blood. Same blonde hair, same bl

“I BROUGHT DOUGHNUTS” Delilah made her entrance very obvious and very loudly. Usual Delilah always so bright, happy, positive, and most of all loud.

“Delilah you didn’t have to-” he was going to protest but Delilah already had a donut in his hand and she was sat next to him on the living room floor. Meddows was crawling around in his little play pin on the floor.

“I wanted to and you look like skin and bones” she poked at his ribs that showed a little bit through his skin, but his body had always looked like that.

“I’m not skinny, I’m…...skink,” he thought of a random word and took a bite of his doughnut.

“Skink? What does that mean?”.

“Skinny thick with one c” he gave his explanation.

“You're thick in an alternate universe where I’m white and your straight” she joked which made Luke smile even a little bit, he always had a nice smile. “Oh, Hi Meddows!” she squealed when she noticed the little boy crawling on the floor, he looked right at her and gave a smile.

“Say hi to auntie Delilah,” Luke said and crawled over to the pin to pick him up and place him in his lap.

“Still hasn't walked yet?” she asked, Meddows had started crawling a few weeks ago and it was coming to be the time when he was expected to start walking.

“Nope, doesn't even do it when I try to film it for Rufus” whenever he made any movement Luke would be filming for Rufus, but Luke would always help him up but he would fall straight back onto his butt.  

“He just needs some time” Delilah played with meddows on her lap and he held onto her finger. “Did you eat breakfast and lunch?” she interrogated him like a concerned mother.

“Yes, mother” he answered like a teenage boy who got asked the same question when they came home from school.  

“Good Lukie” she pet her head and Bean came over and sat his head on Delilah’s leg, “I think he’s jealous of Meddows”. Bean leaned his head towards Meddows and he tried petting him but he moved away.

“Don’t worry boy, I’ll always love both of you” he kissed the dog on his snout. “Bean I'll play with you later, the babes needs his bath” Bean was practically bragging for rubs but Meddows needed his bath.

“Don't fall into the trap l Luke, you must resist the woof woof Pets” Delilah joked as she rubbed the dog's stomach and head as Luke picked up Meddows. He got out the little baby tub for the sink and got Meddows unstressed for his bath. Meddows was smiling brightly, he always loved baths and loved to splash in the water.

“Okay, little…. Water baby” he placed Meddows in the little tub and he started giggling and splashing around. Luke reached over to get Meddows little baby wash, but he froze. He looked down at Meddows, he suddenly didn’t have control of his body and his hands started shaking. He looked so happy, so carefree in his little tub of water. He saw Veronica’s pale face on his sons.

Why do you keep doing this?

You did this before, this should be easy?   

You can’t do this, you’ll never be able to do this

He just kept staring at him, not moving and almost holding his breath. “Luke, you okay in there?” He heard Delilah call from the living room, but her voice was so distorted. He could only hear white noise. “Luke are you-” Delilah walked into the kitchen and saw Luke, standing at the sink looking down at Meddows with a dead expression and Meddows splashing in the water. “Luke, it’s me Delilah” she approached him slowly and held his hand to try and calm him.

“Stop” was all he said and pushed Delilah’s hand away, he picked Meddows out of the tub with the same dead expression on his face. “Why does everyone do that?” he leaned against the counter and sunk to the floor with a wet Meddows clenched to his chest.

“Do what Lukie?” she reverted back to his nickname, trying to get some sense into him.    

“Treat me like I'm made of glass like I’m something broken that needs to be fixed” his voice was quiet and low.

“We all just care about you so much, we only want what’s best for you” she explained, sitting down on the ground with Luke.

“No, you all think I’m crazy” he didn’t take his eyes off Meddows but he seemed so distracted in his own thoughts.

“No your not crazy, you just need some help and there’s nothing wrong with that” she held his hand and didn’t let him push her away.

“I’m not a good dada” he sobbed and clenched his son, pressing soft kissed to his face and head. He started hyperventilating and his whole body was shaking.

“Your an amazing dada, your the best dada” she wrapped her arms around his shoulder in a tight hug to try and calm him with Meddows between them. “You know my dad was scared about having me, but as I grew everything got so much better, it just takes time” she gave her two cents, she was usually never that wise.

“You sound so cliche” Luke joked a little bit, it made them both smile a little bit. He took a few deep breaths in and his body slowly went back to normal. Delilah was right, she always was. He needed time, he was pushing himself. It just takes time.

Roo (Rufus Taylor)

Delilah: You should call Luke

Rufus: I was going to tonight

Rufus: Is something wrong?

Delilah: You just need to talk to him

Rufus: Okay, I will

[Image attachment]

Delilah sent a picture of Luke and Meddows cuddled up together on the couch, Meddows wrapped in his blue blanket and Luke in his white bathrobe. Delilah left later that night, leaving Luke and Meddows to cuddle and nap together. Luke was awoken by the sound of the facetime app with the caller ID saying: MY LOVE ❤.

“Hey Lukie, hey Meddows” Rufus appeared on screen, his hair in a messy bun and laying on the bed of his hotel room.

“Hey Roo, what time is it where you are?” Luke sat up and rubbed his eyes from the sleep, Meddows still laying in his lap.

“10 o’clock, only one hour ahead” he was in France right then and he was no stranger to going to bed late on tour dates.

“Are you dying from missing me so much?” He exaggerated stretching his arms out.

“Always do” he was silent for a moment, looking at Lukes cute little face with his hair all messy. “Delilah wanted me to call you, I was going to anyway but I knew something was wrong” Luke froze, he really didn't wanna talk about it but he needed to.

“It was just...something that happened this afternoon” Meddows woke up and stretched on his lap.

“Luke, what happened baby” his words were soft and caring like he wanted to hug him with them.

“Delilah came over and I was doing okay, I really was” he started curling back into himself but he had to keep going. “I went to give Meddows and I started having another attack, Delilah helped calm me down” the attacks were less often but they always came out at the worst of times. When he was spending time with his family or just doing the simplest of things, it was a terrifying thing.

“I'm sorry baby, I wish I could be there” he wanted to reach through and hold him close. Rock him back and forth In his arms, kiss his lips and forehead while telling him everything is going to be okay. He felt worthless not being there.

“I'm tired of myself, it's like I can't even take care of my own baby or even myself” he picked Meddows up and held him to his chest so Rufus could see him through the phone.

“Luke, you're doing all you can and Meddows is so happy with you” he smiled at the little boy who was making little noises while Luke held him.

“Yeah but he doesn't know any better, doesn't know how-”.

“I know what you're going to say, and none of it is true” Luke was going to say how crazy and stupid he was. Rufus wouldn't let him talk about himself like that. “He loves you and I love you, even if you think you don't deserve it”.

“I miss you Rufus” he laid his soft little head on the couch and smiled at Rufus through the screen.

“I miss you too Luke, only 2 more weeks and I'll be home” he blew a kiss at the screen, they were 500 miles away but they felt so close. “Then we can crawl in bed together and I can-”.

“FILTHY” He yelled through the phone and covered Meddows ears with his hand. He could hear Rufus’s hysterical laughter through the phone.

“Just taking the piss, I love you and papa loves you duckie” Meddows smiled at his papa's voice and tried reaching for the phone before Luke moved it out of his grasp.

“I love you too, tell papa you love him” he spoke in a stupid sing-song voice that he hated using. Meddows smiled at the camera and waved his arms around.

“I’ll call you in the morning, goodnight”.

“Goodnight stupid” he ended the call “Well Meddows, we’re stuck with each other for a few more weeks, then you can go back to being a papa’s boy” The little boy giggled at him and Luke headed off to bed.

Before the night ended Luke made one more post to social media:

I love you potato head

With a photo of him squishing Meddows face in a duck face. Then he laid down with Meddows in his arms and pressed him to his chest. Like a warm hug from the child, he fell asleep.

Chapter Text

I go out to work on Monday morning

Tuesday I go off to honeymoon

I'll be back again before it's time for sunny-down,

I'll be lazing on a Sunday afternoon

“Good Morning potato head” Luke kissed his son's small forehead as they both awoke to the noise of a new day. Meddows stretched his tiny little arms out in a stretch, his big blue eyes still getting used to the light of the morning. “Hey pretty boy” he tickled him on the boy's stomach making him giggle loudly and roll on the bed, Rufus always did that every morning when he was here. Meddows always loved to play with Rufus but Luke always gave the best hugs and cuddles. “We’re stuck with each other for one more day”  the little boy gave his dad a weird face.

“Don’t give me that look” he pointed his finger at him accusingly but Meddows still stared at him “not even a year old and your already giving me sass”. He did sound kind of crazy talking to an 11-month-old with no one else home, except for Bean. He picked up the little boy from their sleeping crevice to get themselves ready for the day.

He sat him down in his highchair and fixed himself some cereal and gave Meddows a small bowl of bananas. He was now able to feed himself, with a spoon or just his hands. It was more like splashing himself in food than actually getting the food in his mouth. “Such a slob, I’m disappointed” Luke propped himself near the child who seemed to very happy in his banana covered bliss, he took a picture to send to Rufus later. “Let’s get dressed” he took him from his high chair and scooped him up to their bedroom.

Luke was in a good mood that day. It was a combination of Rufus coming back from tour and the fact that he hadn't had another big attack since that last one a few weeks ago. He was calm, cool and collective like a cucumber. He was proud of himself. And the fact that he wasn't woken up by his son's demon screaming.

“You’re gonna look nice today” he picked out a cute grey two-piece outfit that was nice for the fall weather. He studied every inch of his sons face, his hair was getting so long and becoming a nice blonde color that was slightly darker than Rufus’s. He had gotten his first tooth a few months ago and he now had about four with some still coming in. His face now was starting to develop a distinct facial feature instead of just looking like a baby you see in every Gerber commercial. Like him having Rufus’s nose, eyes and Luke’s lips,  he looked like a human being.

“You're getting so heavy” Luke picked him from the changing table and handed him his little teething ring, he usually prefers sucking on Luke's finger instead. As he got dressed Meddows just sat quietly in his swing. He was coming with Daddy to rehearsal, he had gone before when he was still very little and he always seemed to enjoy himself. He couldn't hear the cause of the headphones he had to wear since the music was too loud, he always clapped along. The other guys loved him, always calling him their biggest fan.

He sometimes fell asleep, he would usually have about two naps a day and tons of nighttime sleep. Luke was wrong when be thought he slept more than his son. He could get a babysitter, but he didn't trust anyone but himself and Rufus to take care of him. Plus it was good for his developing mind for them to spend time together, they enjoyed each other company. As Luke was brushing his teeth, his phone went off.

MY LOVE ❤

Rufus: show later today

Rufus: can't wait to see you :)

Luke: rehearsal, medds gonna have a jolly time

Luke: can't wait to see you too, miss you

Rufus: miss you too, stay safe okay?

Luke: I will, you said the same thing when I told you I wanted to cook lunch

Rufus: just making sure, and so you couldn't set the kitchen on fire

Luke: wanker

Rufus: love you too

Luke: love you

[Image attached]

He sent a photo of him and Meddows making weird faces at each other, Luke sticking his tongue out and Meddows with his nose scrunched up. “Papa I'll be home tomorrow” he announced to the swinging child and he seemed to clap his hands in excitement. The words papa and daddy always got some response out of him, but he could never say them. He also hadn't walked yet, he could stand for a few seconds but would fall back down. Maybe Rufus could motivate him a little more.

He grabbed the diaper bag, stroller, and his wallet and keys before they left to head off to rehearsal. They took the tram since Luke didn't know how to drive, probably should get on that one day. It was never too much of an inconvenience, Meddows loved looking at the people coming and going as they seemed to love him. One thing he noticed when taking Meddows was the looks, the ones Rufus never got when he was with Meddows.

For Rufus, it was obvious him and the little one were related, with the game luscious hair and same big blue eyes. For Luke he had deep brown curly hair and chocolate eyes, he looked like a babysitter and not the child's father. No one had said anything to him directly other than a “cute kid” or “hi” when they talk to Meddows. Today's ride was a little different.

The tram was normal, wasn't exactly the cleanest or nicest place in the world but at least it still smells like Pine Sol from when they tried to clear it. Meddows was in his stroller, looking around at the new faces and things around him. Luke sat down next to him, staring at the little boy and wondering what he was thinking. Probably something little “why is daddy taking me on a dirty train” or popping himself, a women who sat next to Luke also seemed quite interested in the child. She seemed a bit older and was in a business suit, probably for some big fancy job.

“Is that your son?” She caught Luke's attention, he wasn't even paying attention to her before.

“Yes he is, this is Meddows” he gave a polite getting to the woman and rubbed Meddows hair, which made him quite happy.  No one had ever tried to speak to him in a tram, but she seemed nice enough.

“That's a nice name” she smiled at the little boy who stared right back at her. Meddows wasn't a common name or even usually spelled the way they did, it was usually “Meadow” but his name was spelled “Meddows”. “You must have a very pretty mommy” she spoke to him, Luke chuckled a little at her unknowingness. People seemed to be obsessed with the idea of mommy's, but Meddows was very happy with having a daddy and a papa.

“Yeah, he’s very pretty” he stressed the word HE and then his phone went off and revealed Lukes screensaver that was a family picture. Meddows was 3 months old in the photo and both him and Rufus held him towards the camera, Rufus was smiling at the camera while Luke was staring at his husband lovingly.     

They arrived at their stop and Luke smiled at the woman who seemed to be shocked at his revelation, he pushed Meddows out of the tram. People were more accepting of gay couples having children, but it was still a taboo subject that was looked down on. Luke wasn't new to weird looks or comments when they announced they were having Meddows people protested and even sent death threats. They never let it get to them.

“Laurence that jumpsuit looks stupid” tom was tuning up his guitar in the studio while Laurence was showing off his new outfit.

“It doesn't, Luke what do you think?” he turned to Luke as he walked in.

“It looks like something you find in the clearance section at a 99 cent store” he spoke bluntly, wheeling Meddows in. All of his bandmates turned soft at the sight of the little boy, especially Laurence.

“Meddows, don’t you think this jumpsuit is nice” he showed it off to the boy who smiled at him “see he likes it,” he said in a matter of fact voice.     

“Stop brainwashing my child with your jumpsuit” he covered Meddows eyes with his hands.

“Why not? Don’t people have children so they can brainwash them” Laurence knew absolutely nothing about children.

“No” Stephan chimed in, looking up from his piano. He also had a child of his own.

“We have children for one reason and one reason only..” they thought he was going to say something like for love, or for happiness “Family discounts”.

“You are a terrible parent” Stephen pointed at Luke as he laughed his ass off “Can we just start rehearsing” he held his arms up in annoyance.

Rehearsal went well, working on new songs and whatnot. Meddows was clapping and nodding his head along as he heard Luke sing. Meddows loved when Luke sang, he remembered the last time he sang to him.

“Hey duckie” Luke rushed over to the crib where Meddows lied, it was around 3 in the morning and he was screaming his head off. Meddows screamed but he had grown out of screaming this early. “Did you have a nightmare?” he picked him up and rocked him in his arms back and forth.

So dear friends your love is gone

Only tears to dwell upon

I dare not say as the wind must blow

So a love is lost, a love is won

Go to sleep and dream again

Soon your hopes will rise and then

From all this gloom life can start anew

And there'll be no crying soon

Luke always liked that song, it was soft and seemed like the perfect lullaby Meddows cried began to soften as he sang and he stroked his blonde hair softly. “Beautiful little boy” he kissed his small forehead and Meddows reached his hand up and grabbed onto his finger with his small hand. “I love you” he held him close to his chest. Meddows was bonded to luke, like he was part of his body. He could recognize his voice and follow it, he would always have a big smile on his face when he looked at him. Would he be like this when he’s older? Probably not, he would always have a special place in his heart for Meddows. Meddows would always he loved, no matter how bad he was. He was his life.

Luke lay in bed that night, he had to be up early tomorrow to greet Rufus when he came home. Meddows was asleep in his crib, his small chest going up and down as he slept. Luke was passed out, tired from the day and was curled up into a ball on his bed. “Hey baby” a voice whispered in Luke’s ear which made him jump up, curl his hand into a fist and collide with whatever was behind him. Most likely with a nose which caused the figure to fall back in pain, Luke reached for the light to see who it was. “Luke, what the hell!” Rufus yelled as he held his nose which was bleeding from where Luke had hit him.

“Oh my god, Rufus” Luke crawled off the bed to see if he broke his husband's nose.

“Damm Luke I leave for two months and you decided to assault me” he held his nose, it wasn't broken and just bleeding,

“Sorry, but you shouldn't sneak up on people like a lame ninja” he got Rufus a cloth for his nose and gave him a big hug and kiss. “Missed you” he wiped his nose of the blood and went over to Meddows crib, he was wide awake from all the commotion.       

“Hey little man” his nose stopped bleeding and he took the little boy in his arms who seemed to jump with joy.

“Papa” two little syllables came from Meddows mouth, Luke let out a hysterical scream of joy.

“HE DID IT” Rufus pressed kisses all over his son's face and lifted him up and down.

“GOOD JOB LITTLE MAN” Luke kissed Meddows and tickled his stomach to make him giggle hysterically.

“Missed you, and you” Rufus wrapped his arms around Luke and Meddows as they laid on the bedroom floor. It was a quiet night and you could hear the wind blowing from the outside, Luke always liked the quiet nights. He laid his head against Rufus' chest, he could hear their heart’s beat in unison. They were connected in body, mind, and soul. They needed each other, he need Rufus and Rufus needed Luke. They both needed Meddows, he was growing up and time seemed to be going so fast. Time was a weird thing.

Chapter Text

I don't want to talk

About the things we've gone through

Though it's hurting me

Now it's history

Luke’s POV

Only Rufus Tiger Taylor would think it was a good idea to take an almost one-year-old on a trip to Puerto Rico. Again: his idea and not mine. He said, “It’s his first birthday, and we need some time to relax”. I agree with the relaxation part but not the birthday party. He’s one so he won’t remember a thing. It wouldn’t have much relaxation if Meddows decided to be a butt and scream the whole flight.

Of course, I loved taking care of Meddows but sometimes he could be difficult. He loved to scream and run around now that he was walking, it was a whole new experience. I don’t even remember my first birthday but it most likely involved cake...hopefully. Meddows would be getting a trip and probably piles and piles of presents once we get home. Hopefully, he would grow up spoiled and an asshole.

I don’t have much experience with babies other than him, but so far he seemed like the sweetest baby in the world. He’s growing up so fast (i sound so cliche).He’s much better at walking and he knows a few words like “Dada and papa” he tries other words but he just sounds like a drunk person.

I guess babies are just small drunk people.

Anyway….Meddows was energetic (he was already acting like Rufus) so we didn’t know how he would do on an airplane for 22 hours. “Here you go” Rufus sat next to me as we waited in the airport terminal for our flight to board. He had two large coffees in hand, he knows me so well.

“Liquid energy, thank you” I pecked him on the cheek. Meddows was sitting on my lap, holding his little duck toy in his arms (he would always cry when it was taken away for even a second). “Here you go little duck” I opened an apple juice package and handed it to him and he happily let go of his toy so he could hold the bottle. He could do it without help now after many. many times of spilling things all over himself.

“Happy birthday love” Rufus was talking about me and kissed me after I had stopped sipping on my coffee. My birthday was a week before Meddows and I didn’t want to do anything for it. Rufus and Delilah wanted me to have a party but I found it much more exciting sleeping in and watching movies with my husband and son.

“Rufus, if you got me something I swear to god-” I didn’t want any gifts (if he wanted to get me cake though, I wouldn’t complain).

“I didn’t, just wanted to know I remembered” Rufus may have had a shit memory but he was very proud of himself for remembering.

“I’m so proud that you did” I cheered him on like a mom watching his kid's soccer game then a women came over the speaker and announced our flight was starting to board. Rufus grabbed our carry-ons while I placed Meddows in his car seat and his heavy diaper bag. Getting into the plane was easy but I was worried about the actual flight.    

“So good so far” Rufus took his seat near the window with Meddows between us and me on the end. Meddows was sitting in his seat and looking all over the plane and at all the people walking past us.

“Don’t jinx it” I rolled my eyes at him and he laughed at my expense. His blonde hair was pulled in a bun with strands falling all over his face, Meddows had the same blonde hair. His hair was almost to his shoulders and was just starting to curl more similar to mine. “You two look like twins” I ran my hands through Meddows hair.

“Is that a good or a bad thing?” Rufus joked stroking Meddows face gently which made him giggle. He loved being held and touched, it would make him giggle and smile with joy.     

“A good thing” I smiled at him, maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

Rufus Taylor’s Instagram stories:

TRAVEL HOUR 0

A picture of me strapping Meddows into his seat while Meddows was smiling at the camera.

TRAVEL HOUR 6

A picture of Meddows in Rufus laugh as he was grabbing at the camera.

TRAVEL HOUR 12

A picture of Meddows asleep in my lap with his body wrapped in his blanket and me holding him in my arms.

TRAVEL HOUR 16

A picture of the sun rising through the window.

TRAVEL HOUR 20

Meddows was laying in my lap while was pinching his cheeks and making funny faces at him. “Hi” Rufus says off camera and Meddows stairs at him before saying a small “Hi” back.

WE MADE IT

Rufus kissing me on the cheek with Meddows in my lap (I have significantly more pronounced bags under my eyes).

Meddows was surprisingly quiet throughout the whole flight. Only giggling and making noise when he was hungry or wants to be held. He slept through ⅔ of it (and I thought I have a weird sleep schedule) still holding that duck toy and wrapped in his grey blanket with little suns on it. He loved being held by either me or Rufus and would cry whenever we didn’t. We got off the plane, it was late at night and Meddows looked as tired as the rest of us.

“Sleep. Now. bed” Rufus complained as he dragged the bags through the airport and into the taxi.

“Almost there just a while longer” we dragged ourselves into the car with Meddows already passed out.

“You look cute when your tired” Rufus leaned his head against my shoulder and held my hand.

“No, I look like a dying cow” he was trying to be cute but I was having none of it. Our resort was on the nicer side of the island and had the nicest view at the top.

“Finally no more travel” I put down Meddows seat and ran to the big king size bed in the middle of the room.

“SCOOT” Rufus jumped on the bed with Meddows in his arms as they landed on top of me (He seemed very heavy).

“OWW get off” I tried pushing him off my back and he rolled off, placing Meddows on the bed next to us. “Ready to go to bed?” I asked Meddows in that stupid baby voice as he crawled towards me “Can you say bed? Bed”.

“Bad” he attempted and failed but at least he tried. I picked him up and laid him on my chest “Dada” then he turned to Rufus “papa”.

“He’s getting so smart” Rufus kissed his cheek. Soon he’ll be even smarter than me.

“Yeah, he is, smart little duck” I still liked to call him duck. It was a cute name and it reminded me of when he was little, that wasn't the best time for me mentally but I still liked to remember. To me, he would always be my little duck. I read somewhere that ducks represent freedom and flexibility. That was everything Meddows was to me. A chance of Freedom .

“Meddows look out the window” Rufus was standing near the closed balcony, looking out onto the view while I was laying on the bed. Meddows was in the corner...staring at the wall and waving around a pamphlet in his hand. It must have been a really nice looking wall since he seemed very invested in it and was jumping up and down on his butt.

“He seems to be having a good time,” I said, going over to my son and picking him up so he could look out the window. He was still waving around the pamphlet.

“We’re gonna have so much fun love” Rufus ran his hands over Meddows hair and kissed his forehead. We were going to be out all day so Rufus was wearing a bright button-up with those sunglasses he always wore, our outfits almost matched. Meddows was only wearing his swim shorts and diapers and I made sure to smother him with sunscreen.

“You excited, duckie?” Meddows nodded his head excitingly as we started heading out for our day of fun, as Rufus had called it.

I just now realize that we had never taken Meddows to a water park (which was probably for the best). He was so interested in his surroundings, all the people, all the colors and sounds. I think if we just sat him on a rock he would still have a good time. Rufus insisted we take him and he even brought these stupid floaty things.

“He looks cute in them” Rufus put the floaty on him, it was bright yellow with a little giraffe sticking out the front and had straps so he wouldn’t fall out.

“Well….Okay fine he does look kind of cute” it was weird looking but it made safe and happy. “Lots go swimming” I picked the excited Meddows off the pool floor and walked him towards the water with Rufus following behind us.

“Swim,” Meddows said his first full word on this whole trip.

“Yes, swim good job” I gave him a kiss and a high five. It said in one of those parenting books that he should be encouraged to talk, so I was following their advice. Parenting was like cooking, you set a lot of things on fire but you get better with practice (I’m not a good cook so that’s probably not a good metaphor). I placed him in the water and the floaty kept him straight up. Rufus was on his other side as he kicked his little legs around like he was swimming.

Rufus was staring at me, probably at my hair that went straight when wet instead of the curls (kind of like a dog). “Your hair looks weird,” he said to me, running his hands through my wet hair.

“Hey, you look weird too” his hair was up in a bun but I needed something to fire back with. Meddows hair was flat like me except his was a golden blonde.

“Papa” Meddows moved over to Rufus and touched his shoulder and he picked him up. “AH” He let out a small yell and giggled as Rufus picked him up and threw him gently into the air and caught him. He was giggling loudly and wrapped his arms around his hand.

“Cutie” Rufus kissed him on the lips and moved a piece of hair from his face, then Meddows reached for me.

“Hey” I kissed his cheek as he giggled. He was so happy over just being held “Wanna go on the slide?” he nodded excitingly and I started walking from the pool with him in my arms. Rufus watched as I went to the top of the slide that was on the side of the pool. It was kind of tall and had water going down it and you were launched into the water at the end. Meddows was practically shaking with excitement. It was always so amusing when he got excited, he would make more noise and clap his hands together like a clap.

“Ready?” I asked Meddows, I wrapped my arms around his stomach and held him to my chest so that he wouldn’t slip out. He nodded quickly and raised his hands in the air like a kid on a rollercoaster. I scooted to the edge and then he started heading down. I fake screamed as we went down and Meddows was laughing with joy until he reached the bottom. We landed into the water and officially had our entire bodies soaked in water.

“Nice one” Rufus called from one side of the pool as we swam over. He quickly got out of the pool and grabbed his phone to take a picture. He took the picture: It was of me and Meddows in the pool, my hair sticking to my neck. I was kissing Meddows on the cheek and he was smiling up at the camera.

He always had such a contagious smile. I wonder where he got it from? (Rufus probably) They were already acting so much alike and he wasn't even his biological child (that didn’t matter of course). Hopefully, he wouldn’t be as crazy. (Hopefully).

I am the worst parent in the world. I AM THE WORST. Why am I the worst? You may be asking. BECAUSE I LOST MY FUCKING CHILD. YEP. I LOST A FUCKING ONE YEAR OLD IN PUERTO RICO. A. ONE. YEAR. OLD.

How did I lose a one-year-old in Puerto Rico? You may ask. One-year-olds move very fast and Meddows is very energetic and loves to move around. So it started when I was eating lunch with Rufus:

Meddows was sitting in a highchair sipping on some juice while I and Rufus ate lunch, it was a nice afternoon and we had been out all day. “I’m gonna go head up to the room to get him changed,” I said, he was still all wet from swimming and looked very cold and uncomfortable.

“Okay, I’ll wait for you down here” Rufus nodded to me and handed me the room key. I picked up the diaper bag and took Meddows from the high chair so he could walk on the floor.

We went from the restaurant and into the resort lobby, Meddows was still holding my hand as he walked and he had a towel wrapped around his shoulders. WHAT COULD GO WRONG? Everything. We stopped at the elevator and I let go of his hand to look through my bad for the key that I had thrown in there. When I looked back up with the key in hand I looked down to hold his hand again. But he was gone.  

Now I’m standing in the middle of the resort lobby trying not to look panicked. He had small legs so he couldn’t have gotten far but ladies and gentlemen: ONE-YEAR-OLDS MOVE FAST WHEN THEY ARE MOTIVATED.  If I don’t find him then I would have two problems: looking for a one-year-old in a foreign country and 2. Dealing with Rufus once he divorced me because I lost him. YEP I’M KIND OF PANICKING.

I looked all around myself but I couldn’t find him, I walked down the hall to my left. Checking every corner and doorway.

I ran down the hall towards the restaurant that had crowds of people forming outside. I scanned the crowd for him but they all seemed to be adults with no children. I feel like I’m in some sick comedy show. I ran past a blonde girl who I thought was Meddows but wasn't (i almost let out a sigh of relief when I thought she was). I ran up and down the hall and into the other rooms of the resort and I even checked outside but there was no sign of him.

Then the one place I hadn't checked because Rufus was there: The restaurant. I peeked around the corner to see and low and behold: Meddows was sitting on Rufus’s lap and playing with his hair. I walked over slowly to the table, trying to act cool like I hadn't almost lost my son. “There you are” I let out in relief once I got to our table. I was supposed to come up with some excuse but I had just rated myself out with those three words.    

“What were you looking for?” Rufus cocked a suspicious brow at me as I sat down and looked at Meddows, who was acting like he did nothing wrong.  

“Oh, nothing” I fidgeted with my hands in the hope I didn’t sound suspicious (i sounded very suspicious).

“Luke, your a terrible liar” he caught me.

“I was looking for..um..” Meddows reached for me and I gave him the look that said: “You're in big trouble for this”.

“You were looking for out infant!!” he said it louder than expected and gave me a kind of angry look.

“At least he found his way back” I shrugged and Meddows ran over to me. His face just asking for kisses so I kissed him on the forehead.

Rufus was mad at me, but not enough to really be mad. He let it go and so did I.

Parenting Tip: Don’t let energetic babies do anything. Keep them inside. They are wild animals.

Rufus’s POV

Luke was laying on the bed next to me with Meddows in between us. He was reading him a poetry book before we went to bed, he always insisted on poetry because it would make him ‘cultured’. Meddows was sitting laying on his back while Luke held him close as he read. It was a cute sight to see.

I was thinking about tomorrow, the cool things we could do and see. We needed this trip for not only Meddows but for us as well. I know Luke had been stressed lately.

Music was picking up for both of us and we were in the studio almost every day. It left very little time to relax or even spend time with Meddows when we were home. Luke didn’t want to hire a sitter because we had adjusted our schedules so that when I was at the studio he would be home. When he was at the studio then I would be at home. It was a weird arrangement.     

December was never a good month for him or me. It was his birthday and Meddows but...it was also Veronicas birthday and death date. I still remember the look on his face when we were told Veronica was told. I still sometimes get emotional about it when thinking about it. We needed this time to heal a little. I hadn't mentioned Veronica so far and intended to keep it that way. However, I knew it was on his mind.

My phone went off, the caller ID was Meddows doctor that we took him to every few months.

I answered and walked to the kitchen so as not to disturb their reading time. “Hello, is this Mr. Taylor?” Dr. Garrett asked over the phone

“Yes this is Rufus, is there something wrong?” Doctors usually never called late at night to give good news.

“Yes, there is” I could hear worry in his voice and I also heard the sound of papers being sifted through. “Meddows twin Veronica was stillborn correct?” my blood went cold.

“Yes, she was” I answered lovely. I hoped Luke wasn't hearing anything we were talking about.

“I was looking over Meddows pre-birth records and I found something strange in the notes of his checkup when his mother was 7 and a half months” I didn’t know what he was hinting at. I remember Lily going to that appointment and she said the doctors said everything was fine.

“What was it?” I was too invested to back out now.

“Well” more paper shifting, “It says here:

Male Fetus: Strong heartbeat, reached final development goal.

Female Fetus: Umbilical cord asphyxiation, no heartbeat found”

I zoned out as he spoke. Veronica was gone before she was born and the doctors lied to us, that just had to be illegal. They could have tried to help Veronica but they didn’t. They kept it hidden until Luke had her in his arms and she wasn't breathing. They lied.  

“Mr. Taylor are you there?” He snapped me out of it and my other hand balled into a fist.

“Yes, I am” I took a deep breath to try and hide how pissed I was.

“By law failure to inform a patient such as you of a medical accident is malpractice and medical negligence, you could make a case and sue” he was leaving the decision up to me “if you choose too then I know people who can help you and Luke”. I didn’t know what to say. If I said no then the doctor could do it to other parents and cause the same pain he did for me and luke. If I said yes then I would be putting Luke through all that pain all over again.  

“I’ll think about it and talk to Luke about it, thank you for informing me” I hung up. I mentally prepared myself for talking to Luke. I stepped back into the bedroom where Meddows was tucked in the middle of the bed with his grey blanket and duck toy. Luke was kissing his forehead and running his hand through his hair.  

“Hi” Luke got up from the bed and wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed me. He was smiling and looked genuinely happy. I still have to tell him. “What is it?” He could sense I needed to say something.

“I need to talk to you”.

Chapter Text

The winner takes it all

The loser's standing small

Beside the victory

That's her destiny

Rufus’s POV

“I need to talk to you” I spoke quietly so he knew it was serious and I could see worry come over him. I took his hand and pulled him into the kitchen area, Meddows was still asleep on the bed. I didn’t know how to break it to him. To tell him that our little girl whose death we were just healing from was gone before we even knew her.

“Rufus, what is it?” Luke asked, I held onto his hand for comfort and took a deep breath before laying it onto him.

“Meddows doctor called today” I spoke slowly, letting my words sink in.

“Did we miss an appointment? I swear we didn’t have anything-” he stopped talking when he felt me squeeze his hand a little harder.

“It’s not like that, he was looking into his records before he was born and he mentioned Veronica” I could see his face drop at that name and he looked down at the floor before looking back up at me.

“What about Veronica?” he hesitated when saying, Veronica.

“When Tigs went to her last appointment they found that..” deep breaths “Veronica was dead before she was born and they didn’t tell us”. His breath spiked and his eyes looked sad and confused “They lied to us, Luke”. He let go of my hand quickly and wrapped his arms around my neck and buried his head in my shoulder. I could hear him holding back tears, just like I was.

“What can we do about it?” he asked. He was holding onto my shirt so tightly that it almost left marks.

“The doctor says we can sue because it’s malpractice and considered medical negligence” he pulled away from me and held onto my shoulders. “Luke, we don’t have to do anything if you don’t-” he cut me off with a kiss and I already knew his answer.     

“I’ll do it” he pulled away and hugged me.

“Luke, we’re gonna have to talk about it in court and I don’t know if you're up to that” my hands balled into fists, I was more angry than sad.

“Rufus, I’ll do it” he kissed me again and guided me to the bedroom “Let’s just enjoy the rest of our vacation Okay”. He let go of my hand when he climbed into bed and I followed suit after him with Meddows sleeping peacefully in between us.

“Goodnight Luke, I love you” I leaned over and kissed him while running my hands through his hair as he kissed back. “And I love you” I kissed the top of Meddows small sleeping face.

“Love you too and you” he kissed me again and Meddows. He turned off the light and wrapped on arm around Meddows. He always loved to be close to him, in the day and at night. I sometimes wished I had that level of closeness with Meddows. Of course when he was born Meddows seemed to come to me the most but now it seems that he and Luke can never be separated.

It made me think of the future. I’m 30 and had my first kid last year. I and Luke still have so much time left together. It was exciting...but scary at the same time.

Luke’s POV

I can’t go through that again….  

I can’t retell it all again...

But i couldn’t live with myself if I didn't do it…..

Veronica is counting on me…

Rufus’s POV

Luke was different the next morning, not as energetic or happy. He was pretending for me and Meddows, he was never a good liar. Today was Meddows birthday so he wanted it to be a happy day and it was the last day of our trip. As we were getting ready for the day our phone went crazy, filling with happy birthday texts and heart emojis meant for Meddows. “The people love you Meddows” I took a video of him for Instagram, he was sitting on the bed in just his diaper with the widest smile.

“Happy Birthday duckie” Luke took him in his arms and smothered him with kisses that made him giggle. “Have we ever given him cake before?” he asked as he sat him back down.

“Nope, probably for a reason” toddlers + cake = probably not a good idea. Luke let out a weak smile, a smile that said he wasn't really happy. A smile that said he was in pain. A smile that said he needed support. A smile that was put on for show.

“PAPAPA” Meddows screamed my name as he ran into my arms while we were sailing across the ocean. It was a sunny day and the ocean seemed to be an even brighter blue. Luke was relaxing on the deck with about a pound of sunscreen on for his pale, soft complexion. Meddows skin was similar and very sensitive to the sun.

“RAHWW” I took Meddows in my arms and spun him around as he laughed. One of my favorite things about being a parent was getting to have fun and bond with him. Luke was looking over at us with a genuine smile, the first one of that whole day. I took my phone out and took a picture of him.

“What are you doing?” Luke asked taking off his sunglasses to look at us. His curly brown hair was tied in a bun and he was wearing only his bright flowery swim trunks.

“Taking a picture of you, see how beautiful you are” he stuck his tongue out at me so i would take a bad one. Beautiful. He liked being called beautiful, it made him feel special and loved. He still loved it even after all these years.

Luke was sitting on the edge of his bed while I laid next to him. Maybe it was our second time sleeping together and I had a few drinks the night before so my head was dizzy when i woke up. “Morning blonde” Luke’s back was facing me and he turned his head to look at me, I noticed he was holding an acoustic guitar.    

“Morning, you okay?” I rubbed my eyes and propped myself up on my elbows.

“I’m good, great actually” he smiled at me and his hands where strumming the chords mindlessly. I sat up and just stared at him. His curly hair was covering his eyes and moving in all different directions, he was only wearing some boxers and his bare chest was out. I noticed the small things about him. The scratch on his side when he ran into a table, the bruises on his hand from hitting his hand (he injured himself a lot).

“You’re Beautiful” I thought it but accidentally said it out loud. I had called his pretty before but pretty was different than beautiful. Pretty was a word said to primary school crushes and delicate flowers. Beautiful was mature, used to describe sexuality and strength. Luke was Beautiful.  

“I’m not beautiful, especially in the morning” he let out a small laugh and sat down his guitar. I sat up more and moved over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

“Your Beautiful” I leaned my hard on his shoulder and kissed his cheek and neck between words. He turned to face me and I took the opportunity to grab his hand and wrestle him to the bed so that he was on his back and I was on top of him.  “Why do you always put yourself down?” I asked, he giggles as I wrestled him and I held his hands over his head.

“I don’t know, I just don’t think I'm all that special” On how wrong he was.  

“Oh, your more than special” I leaned down and kissed him. He still had morning breath but I didn’t care, I wanted to show him how beautiful he really was.  “Your beautiful Luke” I pulled away from the kiss “And I love you”.

“Rufus” Luke interrupted my train of thought as I came back into the real word and still had Meddows in my arms. I smiled at him and walked over to him.

“Dada” Meddows crawled onto Luke’s chair and onto his chest as I laid next to Luke on the same small chair. It was uncomfortable but the closeness was nice. Luke was practically on my lap with Meddows between his legs, smiling up at him.   

“What is up with you today?” He asked me, half joking. I should have been asking the same but I didn’t wanna push him.

“Nothing, can’t I just wanna love my husband” I kissed his cheek and the back of his neck that seemed to be his sensitive spot. The husband was such a formal name, I just liked calling Luke by his name.

“Oookay, weirdo” he looked at me and then picked up Meddows to kiss him on the cheek as he buried his face in his chest. “We should start heading back”  he leaned back and kissed me on the cheek and got up from the chair with Meddows in his arms. Meddows was tracing his finger over Luke’s tattoo on his wrist that said ‘Rufus’. Maybe he wasn’t upset and I was overthinking this whole thing. I found out I wasn't wrong later on.

Meddows was wrapped in my arms when we woke up from our nap. It was maybe about 7:00 and we slept for about an hour. When we got back to the hotel room Meddows was ready for his nap and was asleep 5 minutes after we came back. Luke laid down next to him and wrapped his arms around him like a big mama bear, I laid down next to him. I think we were all tired.

From the day's activities and from the night before when Meddows woke us up at 3 AM with his screaming. I rubbed my eyes awake from a nice dream and Luke was gone. The place in his bed was left with marks from where he had laid down. “Meddows, get up sweetie” I shook him awake and gently pulled the pacifier out of his mouth.

“HI,” he rubbed his blue eyes and at himself up “Dada?”. He looked around and saw no Luke which made him frown and start to get upset.

“Let’s go find Dada” I picked him up and looked around for any sign of where he went. He left his phone and wallet but his bag was gone and his suitcase was wide open. Oh god, Luke please don’t run away from this.

Luke’s POV

Meddows woke up when I tried getting up “Dada?” he looked up at me and reached for me. I kissed the top of his head and placed the pacifier in his mouth when he started fussing.

“Dada i’ll be back soon” I kissed him one last time before slipping out of bed. I looked at Rufus as he slept peacefully with pieces of his hair framing his face. I turned away and walked out the room. I had to go somewhere, somewhere to clear my mind. Sorry Rufus, I just need to go somewhere.  

Rufus’s POV

“Luke! Luke” I held Meddows in my arms as we walked up and down the beach. I had checked all around the resort but there were no signs of him. He had mentioned wanting to head to the beach earlier that day so I thought that was the best bet. I probably had walked about half a mile in the hot sun while holding my 20-pound son. There where a lot of people on the beach that afternoon so it was getting hard to spot him.

“Dada!” Meddows pointed out a figure sitting in the sand near the water. I looked out and realized it was Luke from his curly hair and same flowery swim trunks.

“Nice one buddy” I gave him a small high five before I walked over to Luke. His knees to his chest and his face was covered with his hands “Luke” He looked up and I saw he had been crying. His eyes and cheeks were red and he was holding something between his legs. He didn’t respond so I sat down next to him and sat Meddows between us. Meddows held onto his leg and leaned against him which made him smile, even if just a little bit. “Luke, baby talk to me” I held his hand but I could see he wanted to talk but couldn’t.

I remember that same expression. The face he made when we found out we had lost Veronica. I knew exactly what this was about. “Is it about Veronica?” I asked gently and he nodded as he started crying again and revealed to me what was between his legs. He held up the little goose toy that held Veronica's ashes.

“I didn’t wanna leave her out, I know I shouldn't be thinking about her on this happy day but-” I cut him off.

“It’s normal, there’s nothing wrong with it” I reassured him and rubbed circled into his back “I was thinking about her too”. Especially after the call with the doctor and we would have to talk about our loss all over again.

“Really?” he tried wiping away his tears and he clinched the toy close to his chest.    

“Yeah, especially with everything going on” he held my hand tighter.

“I miss her Rufus, I didn't even really know her but there’s always this hole in my heart” he looked over at the water.

“I miss her too Luke, she’s our daughter and I miss her more than anything” I started crying as well at this point.   

“I’m happy we have Meddows but nothing can ever replace her, no matter how many years or how many children we’ll have” he picked up Meddows and held him close.  

“I don’t know what I would do without Meddows, he’s my world just like how your my world” I picked up his chin to look his right in the eyes “like how Veronica’s my world”.

“I’m scared, Rufus”.

“Of what?”.

“Meddows growing up, I’m scared something will happen to him or he’ll find out about Veronica before we’re ready”.

“Every parent is scared of that and we just have to play it one day at a time, I’m scared of him growing up as well” we were finally getting everything out in the open.

“I can’t keep doing this”.

“Luke, you just need time” I tried intersecting but he was having none of it.

“I’ve been given time Rufus! All the time in the world but I can never go strong, I don’t think I'll ever be normal again” his words broke into sobs. “It’s not just Meddows, it’s also my dad” he retreated back into himself. “I miss him too and i-I just wish he was here to see this and to see Meddows”

“He would be so proud of you and Meddows, he got to see Veronica” I was never religious. My dad never pushed religion on us but still, I believed that we’ll see the dead when we die.

“Would he Rufus? Really would he if he saw me like this?” he buried his hands in his face.

“Babe, look at me” he looked up “you are the strongest person I know and not everyone grieves at the same time and we’re both still grieving and that’s okay”.

“I’m not strong” he covered his face again.

“Why do you always put yourself down?” that made him look at me with an almost confused expression. “You're strong whether you believe it or not, I want Meddows to grow up to be just like you” he smiled a little bit.

“Is he really happy with me?” he looked down at Meddows who was smiling back up at him.

“Look at his smile so how can he not be happy with you” he held both Meddows and Veronica. Just how it should be.

“We took them both to see the ocean” we watched as the sun was setting on the beach. Meddows and Veronica were looking at the ocean. Veronica wasn't with us physically but she gave off this energy. Something warm and soft just like Meddows but more bubbly.  

“Veronica will always be with us, we won’t ever forget her” he let me wrap my arm around his shoulder as we looked out. I could almost see her.

Deep blue eyes like her brother but flat deep brown hair and a small body. She would grow with Meddows and be the most talented little girl the world had ever seen. She still is, even if she isn’t with us anymore. She’ll always be out little girl.

“Told your cake was a bad idea”.

“It sounded like a better idea in my head” I was holding a now cake covered Meddows. Like seriously, CAKE EVERYWHERE. On his clothes, on his face, in his hair, even on his legs (I have no idea how it got there)... At least the whole ordeal made for a really cute photo.

“You remember when I ate these 15 avocados, he looks like that” Ah how could I forget maybe the greatest and stupidest thing Luke had ever done.

“You did it cause Delilah triple dog dare you” I took a towel and tried wiping his off to no avail.

“Worth it, I think he needs a bath” Luke took him from me and headed towards the bathroom. “You wanna join us?” he smirked at me.

“Luke, we are not doing that with Meddows in the room-”.

“NOT THAT YOU WEIRDO” he yelled at me and swooshed Meddows into the bathroom for his bath. I was going to join them but I knew there was something I needed to do. I picked up my phone from my bedside and dialed the number for the doctor.  

“Hello” his voice came over the phone and I took a deep breath before talking. Doing this was opening a whole new can of worms for our life. First, we would have to get a lawyer then find some way to keep it hidden from the press. It would be a long and hard process but Luke wanted to do it, so I would go along. I could protest and say no but this had to be done.

“It’s Luke, I want to take the case”. He spoke with me for a few minutes, going through the steps we would have to go through and recommending people who could help us. We would start the case as soon as we got back which was tomorrow. I would have to update Luke but now didn’t seem like a good time. He was still upset but he was calmer now. I wanted him to be happy for as long as possible.

I took my clothes off to join him and Meddows in the bath. I walked in to see Luke washing away the last of the cake in Meddows hair. Meddows was splashing around the water and quite enjoyed the feeling of Luke running his hand through his hair. “Hey” he looked up at me and Meddows started reaching for me as I got in.

“Hey” he turned to me and kissed me gently. I was sitting in the tub behind him and Meddows was between his legs.

“Look how cute he is, he looks like you” I wrapped my arms around his waist and rubbed Meddows head as he played in the water.

“He looks like you, he had your energy and weirdness” He’s Luke Deacon yet he calls me the weird one.

“No, you're the weird one and he had your hair and your face” I leaned my head over his shoulder. “Do you wanna have another baby?” I asked it had been something that was on my mind.  

“Yeah, but not now, especially with everything that happened” I could see where he was coming from. I was expecting him to say no or be scared of having children. He was but he still wanted more of the “Let’s have five”.

“Not five, how about four” I suggested, the thought of raising 5 terrified me.

“Four’s okay, I want him to have someone to play with” he picked up Meddows and held him close. Mother ducks always held their young close to them.

“I’m proud of you” I laced our fingers together, our wedding rings connecting together.

“For what?” he looked at me deeply.

“For being strong, for being with me and Meddows” I kissed his cheek.

“I wouldn’t change it for the world” he kissed me again and ran his hand through my hair.

I wouldn’t change it either, Luke or Meddows for anything. I was happy with him. We had been through so much pain and anguish. We broke and healed together. We would have to go through all of it again.  

I wanted to protect him and Meddows. However, I knew I couldn't  We would have to face the past to go to the future. The future.

What an amazing thing.

Chapter Text

It's the fantastic drowse

Of the afternoon Sundays

That bored you to rages of tears

The unending pleadings

To waste all your good times

In thoughts of your middle-aged years

It's the vertical hold all the things that you're told

For the everyday hero it all turns to zero

And there's all the more reason

For living or dying when you're young

And your troubles are all very small

“You don’t have to go to trial,” Mr. James Faris said. He was sat on the couch inside Luke and Rufus’s home. The place where they felt the safest seemed to be invaded by their problems and worries. He sat across from the couple, Rufus held onto Luke’s hand. Luke was looking at Meddows who was playing with some toy cars on the floor. His mind seemed to be on anything but the lawyer and people could tell from the bags under his eyes.

“Luke?” Rufus snapped him out of it. Luke drew his eyes from the blonde child and back onto Rufus.

“Sorry, what were you saying?” he shook his thought away and looked at James who had been their lawyer for the past 5 months.

“I was just talking about how the NHS wants to negotiate”  the NHS was the UK national health service that employed Mr.Evans was the doctor who looked over Tigerlily while she was pregnant with Meddows and Veronica. He was also the man who sodomized the couple's trust when he didn’t tell them about Veronica’s death until after she was born. After talking to many doctors they learned that he could have helped Veronica, tracking her breathing and inducing labor early. They could have saved her or at least tried instead of letting her die.

“What is that wanker saying?” Rufus rose his voice, the whole case pissed him off more than anyone could believe. Luke leaned in closer to Rufus resting his hand on his and squeezed.

“They're offering a big payout but…” his voice trailed up and they could tell it was something bad “He’ll keep his license”.

“NO,” they both said in unison and looked at each other for reinsurance. They had talked about this before, what they wanted from the case. Under no circumstances would he be able to keep his license if it was up to them.

“Luke, Rufus, you need to listen to me right now” he started sweating and a lump appeared in his throat. “Almost all of these cases never work out, the NHS pays all of them out to shut them up. If we did take it further than the cost to you will be bigger than the payout” he talked as calmly as he could.

“What would happen if we did take it further?” Luke asked he was fidgeting with the loose string on his jeans.

“They will most likely throw out the case and all this will be for nothing” he was blunt and straight to the point since this wasn't the first time he had been on a case like there's. “It’s not uncommon, thousands of people die from negligence a year and 80% of them are paid out” Rufus looked over at Luke and could see him getting more and more upset while he was trying to stay calm.

“We can’t-you can’t” Rufus balled his hands into fists and his face became red.

“Rufus there's nothing we can figure out-” Rufus had heard enough.

“THEN FIGURE SOME SHIT OUT” Rufus had completely lost his shit. He stood up and stomped away to the basement where the music room was. Meddows put down his toys and tried following him out but Luke grabbed him before he could. He started struggling and kicking to try and break free but Luke knew Rufus needed space.

“PAPA” Meddows started crying as he couldn’t escape.

“Give me a minute” Luke excused himself out with Meddows kicking in his arms. He walked upstairs and into the nursery and sat him down on the floor.

“Papa?” he started calming down and looked genuinely confused and was looking around for Rufus.

“Duckie, papa’s just a little mad” Luke talked to him. He pushed a few blonde strands of hair out of his face and stared at him. He was 16 months old and Luke wondered how the world looks through his eyes. Was he upset that Rufus was mad or just confused? Could he sense how upset they were?     

“Mad?” he asked curiously in his soft little baby voice “Daddy?”. Luke had not realized he was crying and just let the tears flow. He never told Rufus he was upset but he knew something was up. He held all in like he was back to square one when Veronica died. He couldn’t go through all of it again.

Meddows looked at him with a confused gaze. Why was daddy upset? What’s going on? He couldn’t exactly ask why.Meddows got up from the floor and walked over to his crib and took out his grey blanket with a sunshine pattern on it. He walked back over to Luke and wrapped the blanket around his shoulders like how Luke always did when Meddows was upset or had a nightmare.

His whole life seemed like a nightmare right now and having a blanket around him wouldn’t solve anything. “Thank you duckie” Luke looked up at his blonde son and kissed his forehead before taking him in his arms and holding him. Meddows just wanted him to feel better. Sweet, kind, innocent Meddows. He didn’t deserve a daddy who cries when things get tough. He didn’t need any of it.

Luke went back downstairs and big their lawyer goodbye. He promised he would see what he could do about their case but said it wasn't likely. Luke just listened, not letting him see his tears. Then he picked Meddows up and went down to the basement where he could hear furious drumming coming from Rufus.

“FUCK” Rufus yelled as another one of his sticks broke in half and flew across the room. His knuckles were bleeding and covered in bruises from how hard he was playing. His blonde hair was falling out of his bun and wet with sweat, his shirt was also wet and kind of gross.

“Language!” he looked up from his kit and saw Luke standing in the doorway with Meddows hanging off his leg.

“Sorry” he got off his stool and walked over to his husband and son. He stared at Luke for a second noticing the tear streaks down his face “Come here” he held his arms out and Luke went in for a hug. Luke wrapped his arms around his neck and covered his face in his shoulder. Meddows walked over to his parents and wrapped himself on Rufus’s leg like a small hug. “Hey buddy” Rufus picked him up and sat down on the couch that was on the side of the basement.

“Sorry for walking out” Rufus sat next to Luke as they held each other close with Meddows in his lap.

“You were upset so I understand” he would have walked out as well if he wasn't so emotionally drained.

“You needed me to be there and I walked out, I’m sorry” he kissed his husband on the cheek  

“What are we going to do?” He tried changing the subject.

“We’re gonna take it as far as we can” he nodded to himself. The truth was that he really didn’t know what they were going to do.

“Rufus the lawyer said there was nothing he could do” it was the cold hard truth and there was no denying it. Luke had tried but failed to.  

“Luke you can’t-” he looked back at Luke and stopped when he saw he had started crying again. The tears landed on his hands and cheeks like rain and wouldn’t stop.

“We have to accept this Rufus, I’ve always been looking for someone to blame for her death but I can’t keep doing this for the rest of my life” he hit his fists against his knees and ran his hands through his hair. “Meddows doesn't need this” Meddows was their first priority. Everything in their life was about Meddows, he finally understood what it was like to be a parent.

“Your right, we need to heal for ourselves and him” Rufus looked down at the Meddows who was smiling like an idiot and tugging on his shirt.”I love you duckie” he picked him up so he was hugging him and kissed his cheek and forehead.

“We love you duckie” Luke kissed his son and then kissed Rufus.

“Luv you,” Meddows said for the first time (Luke always said he sounded like a drunk person when he talked). Rufus almost started crying as well when he talked. He almost cried at the thought that Meddows growing up with parents who couldn’t get over their problems. Meddows deserved to be happy with happy parents, they had to do something.

“What is this, depressed people anonymous”.

“Luke it’s a support group” Rufus walked them into the room with Luke holding onto his arm. Chairs were arranged in a circle with people sitting in them. Luke looked at all the people they were joining. Some looked like they hadn't slept in three days with big bags under their eyes just like Luke but some even worse. Otherwhere fidgeting with their fingers with nervousness or looking down at the floor (the floor was dirty so it wasn't a very good view).

Their presence was made known when the door closed with a loud bang and everyone looked up at them like a deer in headlights. Deers that were surrounded by foreign presences that didn’t seem very welcoming. Maybe they were misjudging the situation or maybe not. A few seats were open. Rufus stepped in first and pulled Luke with him as they sat in a circle with the other people.

Another woman with an ID tag came into the circle and stood up to talk to everyone. “Good evening everyone it looks like we have some new people joining us” her voice was soft and relaxing like she could do a really good ASMR video. She gestured to Luke and Rufus and everyone gazed at them.

“Hi, I’m Rufus and this is my husband Luke” he worried about being recognized here but the group leader had told him that everything said in the group would stay within the group.

“It’s good to see you here” she smiled at them “we’re here to support you two through your journey of the morning, feel free to share as much as you want”. The other people in the group began looking a little more friendly with small smiled and nodes of encouragement.

Luke realized something as he looked at all their faces. These people had also lost children and were experiencing all the same emotions as he and Rufus had felt. They looked tired like him because they were just like him. It made Luke look at himself as well.

He had huge bags under his eyes that were a deep apple red and his brown hair was sticking up in all different directions. Who was the one to judge? “Luke, do you wanna talk?” Rufus whispered in his ear moving a piece of loose hair out of his face. Luke looked up at the group and took a deep breath like he was preparing to tell his whole life story.         

“Umm...I don’t know how to start this so I'm just going to get into it” at least he was honest “I and Rufus decided we wanted children a little while before we got married. We were going to get a surrogate but his sister volunteered to carry our child and we announced our pregnancy during our wedding. We found out we were having twins at our gender reveal” he smiled to himself like he was reliving all the joy he felt in that moment. That feeling of joy seemed so, so far away.

“When she gave birth everything was going okay since she was healthy and we were so excited to have them but then they started coming and-” he took a deep breath to compose himself. This was the first time he was talking about this with anyone outside the family or his therapist. “My son Meddows came first, he was so healthy and loud” he still was loud even now (he screams so loud that the neighbors probably think he’s being murdered). “Then my daughter Veronica came and she..s-she wasn't breathing or moving” Rufus rubbed his back and kissed his cheek, trying his best to support Luke while also keeping himself together. “I held her in my arms and then they took her away from me” he felt the tears start to flow again, “they told us she died a few hours later”.

“I’m sorry,” the group leader said to them and handed Luke a tissue to wipe his face.

“That was a year ago and I thought I had healed but I really was just repressing it, I promised more than I could deliver and pushed myself” he closed his eyes. He should have told Rufus before Meddows birthday how he was feeling but he didn’t.

“Your brave” he opened his eyes at the leader's voice, her name was “Amanda” according to the nametag. “You admit that your struggling and there’s nothing wrong with that” she smiled at him. “I lost my daughter when she was three weeks old, about 4 years ago and it never gets easier” she didn’t look like someone who had lost a child. That just showed how much she had healed and to Luke that meant something.

“How did you do it?” Rufus spoke up, wiping the tears on his own face with his sleeve.

“I asked for help when I needed it and with time I was able to heal” how easy it all sounded “And I think you can heal too”.

“How do you know that?” Luke was so unsure that he could do anything.

“Because I was like you and everyone here was like you and some of them still are but their healing” she gestured around the room to all the people who were smiling at them.

“I believe in you too” Rufus held him on the shoulder and held him close.

He looked through the tears in his eyes and looked up at Rufus. His bright blue eyes also had tears in them and his blonde hair was tucked behind his ears. He was smiling at him and holding him like he was saying ‘you're strong’ and that was enough for him. Luke took out his wallet and looked on the inside. There was a photo inside, he found pictures inside wallets very cheese but it helped with his anxiety.

The photo was of Luke and Meddows. Luke was sitting on the couch and making funny faces at Meddows who was laughing his ass off. It was a cute photo and Meddows seemed about 8 months old in it. Luke decided he finally was going to pull himself together, not just for himself but also for Meddows.

He never thought he would have kids. He loved kids but never thought he would get married or have kids with anyone. He was living the dream but why did he feel like this? Living the dream wasn't always easy. Meddows was his dream, Rufus was his dream.

He could do this. He had to do this. Meddows would have a tranquil life, so would Luke. Luke would never forget that idea.

Luke was looking up at the ceiling. He really had no reason to be doing it but it just felt right at that moment while he was laying down on the bed. It was comfortable to just be laying there in some baggy shorts and Rufus’s old large T-Shirt. They had come back from the group a few hours earlier and they were both tired emotionally and physically. All he wanted now was to relax.

He looked over at one side of the room where the crib was, Meddows was asleep. He was wrapped in his grey blanket and holding his duck toy in his mouth. Luke took his eyes off the ceiling and looked at his son. He was so quiet and gentle that he almost looked like a newborn. He was the thing that was motivating him to get better and live happier.

He was everything to him. He was so focused on Meddowes that he hadn't even realized that Rufus had come into their bedroom and wrapped his arms around his waist to cuddle him. “He’s so cute,” Luke said as Rufus kissed his cheek and neck as they cuddled.

“Yeah, he is,” Rufus said propping himself on his elbow so that he could look at Luke. “I’m sorry” he spoke after a few seconds of silence. He looked nervous, fidgeting with his hands and pulling a piece of hair behind his ear.

“For what?” Luke turned to face him, propping himself up on the pillows.

“I got a call from the lawyer and…” he paused looking at his hands and then back up at Luke. “They threw out our case and the NHS put the doctor on leave and they transferred the payout to our accounts” so that was it.

After spending all this time. Both of them losing sleep over the last few months, spending time on their lawyer, emotionally preparing for a long legal battle. It all fell apart over a phone call. This entire situation was one big bag of fucked up.

“So that’s it?” Luke just stared at him.

“Yeah, there’s nothing else he said he can do” Rufus looked just as destroyed as he was, physically and emotionally. He couldn’t believe the entire situation.

“This is fucked” Luke laughed to himself. Not a funny laugh but a laugh of pain, he found it almost laughable how fucked this really was. He didn’t care about the money. They didn’t need money since they were financially well off. The NHS paid them enough to send Meddows to university (twice that amount).

That’s what they did with every case, not just theirs.

“Yeah, it is” Rufus couldn’t help but agree. He reached out for Luke’s hand and held him close. Luke looked back at Meddows and remembered something.

He scooted himself off the bed and walked towards the closet on the other side of the bedroom. The closet was a walk in with half being Rufus and half being Luke (Luke had the most clothes). He reached up into the top shelves and pulled out a small metal box with a lock on it, written on the top was “MEDDOWS” written in marker. The box had a little bit of dust on it from Luke not having touched it since Meddows was born.

Luke took the box from the closet and placed it on the bed next to Rufus. Luke dug into the bedside table and pulled out a metal key that would open it. “I didn’t wanna look at these but maybe now it’s time” Luke opened the box.

Inside were piles of pictures and other pieces of paper. Ultrasound pictures over the months from different appointments, and at the very bottom was Veronica's birth certificate and her death certificate.

“They were so small” Rufus picked up one of the photos from when they were about 2 months old. They were really small and looked like they were sleeping. Veronica was always towards the top and Meddows towards the bottom. Luke looked at a 3D ultrasound from about 7 months. You could see the shape of their face and body and some tufts of hair, he looked extra hard at Veronica's.

She looked like when she was born, kind of boney and small like Meddows but she had black hair instead of blonde. They both looked like aliens but weirdly cute.

“She was so cute” Luke looked at more photos and then at Veronica’s birth and death certificates. The papers were a little wrinkled from being buried and also had tear stains on it. He didn’t like that they gave him two certificates. A birth one that made him think of how excited he was for them to come and one for her death which marked when his entire life changed. What was supposed to be the best day of his life was the saddest.      

“You okay?” Rufus looked over his shoulder and pulling a piece of hair out of his face so that he could kiss his cheek.

“No, but I will be in a while” he put the death certificate down and turned to kiss Rufus on the lips. He didn’t know why but he needed to kiss him. He felt comforted and more at peace. He turned from Rufus when he heard a noise from Meddows who had just woken up. “I’ll get him” Luke got up and took Meddows from his crib and placed him on his lap on the bed.

“Hey, pretty boy” Rufus kissed Meddows head and held his small hand. Meddows looked down at the bed and all the pictures.

“That’s your sister” Luke held a picture of Veronica to Meddows who was looking at it. Telling Meddows wasn't even on his mind right now, he just wanted to enjoy the moment. Rufus took Luke’s other hand in his and looked him in the eyes.

Luke looked calm for once. Looking at the pictures and at Meddows who seemed so happy just to be near his parents. Luke had a shine in his eyes that he saw the first time he met him, the first time he kissed him, the first time he loved him. He was proud of Luke for doing this. Looking at pictured and facing it head on. .

He looked like he was glowing. He looked like he found what he was looking for, He looked like he finally found tranquility.

END OF PART 1.  

Chapter Text

“RUFUS YOU HAVE TO COME to LOOK AT THIS!” Luke screamed from down the hall. Rufus was busy getting dressed but dropped everything when he heard his husbands screaming like he was literally being murdered. He stepped into the nursery with his pants pulled half up and his shirt over his shoulder. Luke was holding a 3-year-old Meddows up by his armpits to show off his outfit. 

Meddows long blonde hair was pulled into a top bun, he wore a shirt saying “I LOVE MY TWO DADS” in the rainbow font. Overtop was a small jean jacket with jean pants. “LOOK HOW CUTE HE IS” Luke moved him closer to his husband, Meddows was smiling like a goofball and held his hands out so Rufus could carry him.  

“He looks great babe” Rufus took Meddows into his arms and he wrapped his small arms around his neck. He gave Luke a kiss on the cheek and took a look at what he was wearing. Him and Meddows outfits kind of matched but Luke had a “PRIDE” shirt with a rainbow heart and jean shorts and a jean jacket. His hair was placed loosely over his face. He was smiling the biggest smile he had all year and gave off the energy of warmth and happiness. 

“You look beautiful” Rufus stared at him for a second and then went over and kissed him on the lips over and over again. Meddows was in between them and giggling at their show of affection. 

“Kissies?” Meddows puckered his lips out at his parents just waiting to kiss. Rufus kissed him and then Luke which made him smile even wider. 

“Also you might wanna get dressed” Luke pointed at his sagging pants and shirt. He placed Meddows down on the floor and composed himself to be presentable. Rufus wore a full rainbow shirt with cutout sleeves and some shorts with rainbow trim and the shirt showed off his arms. “Much better” Luke ran his hands over his muscles and pulled him into a hug “Oh glitter!” he suddenly remembered and went over to the dresser on the other side of the nursery. He held out a palette of different colors of glitter and a makeup brush to put it on.      

“I want glitter!” Meddows jumped up and down at the sign of the sparkly colors and practically held onto Luke’s leg until he got it.  

“Come here and I'll put some on you” he took a seat on the floor with the glitter and Meddows sat across from him practically jumping up and down from excitement. “What color?” Meddows pointed out the blue and yellow and Luke put some on his both his cheeks and rubbed it in with the brush. “Does papa want some glitter?” Luke looked up at Rufus who was sitting looking at them. 

“Umm.. whatever just do it” he put his hands up in defeat and sat down next to him. Luke put every color of the rainbow on the side of his face and then did some on himself so they could match.    

“Papa’s got glitter!” Meddows clapped his hands together and giggled at Rufus who looked slightly annoyed and amused as he looked at himself with the glitter.  

“Looks great” Luke kissed his cheek that didn’t have glitter on it and helped him up.  

Today was London pride day so it was the perfect time for a family outing in the nice London summer. Luke and Rufus never really went to Pride since it just wasn't there scene especially now that they had a child to take care of. Since Meddows was now 3 and could walk around the festival so it seemed like a nice time for him to go out and explore. The festival was for all ages so they knew it would be safe for him to come and had seen lots of others bring their children. 

“You excited?” Rufus asked as they drove to the festival. 

“YASS!” Meddows clapped his hands together in excitement. He was dancing around in his car seat as a playlist of PRIDE music blasted through the car. Luke pulled out his phone and took a video of Meddows singing along to I Want to Break Free at the top of his lungs. 

“Little Rockstar” Rufus looked at the mirror and saw Meddows singing. His little mind looked blown as he looked out the window and saw all the rainbows and colorful outfits, decorations, and flags. He also saw other children with two dads just like him which was so foreign to his young mind.

They came into the festival after an even longer drive than expected since with all the traffic. The parking lot was packed with cars and people walking around to head to the main events. 

“Ready to go have some fun big boy” Luke went around to Meddows car seat and unbuckled him from the seat. 

“Let’s go!” he crawled out of his seat and held Luke’s hand as he was practically running to the festival. 

“Woah slow down” Rufus picked him up and swung him around as they walked towards the crowds of people. Meddows was holding onto Luke and Rufus’s hands as they came to the center of the festival. 

The festival was set in a large park in the middle of London. The trees were covered in streamers, flags, and beads of all different colors and had tons of different events. Meddows was looking around at all the jumpers, games and other children he could play with. “SLIDE” Meddows pointed at the big slide and tugged on his parent's arms to go over.   

“I’ll take him” Rufus looked over at Luke. 

“Okay, I’m gonna go look for something to drink” Rufus went over to the slide with Meddows running in front of him and Luke went over to the other side where the food trucks and bar was. The bar didn’t have any alcohol instead of just juice and other drinks. 

He took a seat at a table and placed his order for some kind of fruity drink. As he waited he looked around the festival, looking at all the families who seemed to be having such a great time and everyone was being themselves. The environment was full of energy and acceptance where people could just be themselves. Then a little girl came over to his table.

She was looking up at him with bright brown eyes like he was something fascinating. “Annie!” two other men came over to the little girl and she ran over to them. “Sorry,” one guy came over to Luke and picked up the little girl who he assumed was named Annie. 

“It’s fine, I have a kid too” Luke never really saw other gay parents like him and Rufus. 

“Oh, which one is yours?” he started looking around the rest of the festival.   

“Those two over there” Luke pointed to Meddows and Rufus. Rufus and Meddows where screaming as they went down the slide like they were having the time of their life. Ahh his two children, one an actual child and one a big man child. Rufus came over to Luke with Meddows in hand and saw the other parents he was talking to.             

“Hey” Rufus smiled at Luke and the other parents. 

“Hey, I'm Adam and this is my husband Aaron” they greeted Rufus and shook his hand “This is Annie”. Annie was a small girl around Meddows age and had big brown eyes and long hair. 

“I’m Luke, this is Rufus and Meddows” Luke bent down and gave his son a kiss on the cheek. Meddows walked over to Annie and started playing with her. 

“They seem to be getting along” Aaron looked over at the kids. Meddows and Annie were looking at the flowers and rocks around them and giggling together. Meddows always had welcoming and kind energy to him. He made friends easily and was always happy to talk and play with others. 

“They’re good kids” he looked at his son and Annie. He looked so happy just looking at flowers. 

“Have you guys been to the festival before?” Aaron asked as they took a seat opposite Luke and Rufus.         

“No, it’s our first time coming,” Rufus said stealing a sip from Luke’s drink. 

“Oh we come every year, it’s lots of fun and you get to meet lots of other parents and it’s fun for the kids,” Adam said as he looked over the children. 

“Yeah it’s been really great so far” Luke smiled at the couple. Talking to them felt almost therapeutic and for once they didn’t feel foreign or wrong for showing their love for each other and for their children. Their comfort was interrupted when Luke looked over his shoulder and saw a camera crew walking over to them and tapped him on the shoulder. 

“Umm excuse me are you Luke Deacon and Rufus Taylor?” A woman came up behind him. She was short and dressed in a suit and cameras were following behind her. Rufus rolled his eyes so hard that they were practically popping out of his head. People really didn’t know how to leave them alone. 

“Yes, we are” Rufus decided to play nice in front of the kids instead of snapping at them like he usually did. 

“Do you mind doing an interview?” she showed a big smile, one of those smiles they have to put on for the cameras to seem more appealing. Rufus turned back to Luke and gave him a look that said for him to just go along with it so that’s what they did. 

“Sure” they both got up from their table and Medddows came over and held onto Luke’s leg. The Camera people told them where to stand as the host fixed her hair for the camera. Luke took Meddows into his arms as they got ready and Meddows seemed oblivious to the people wanting to film them. He didn’t even realize his parents were famous. Then the cameras started rolling. 

“We are here at the London PRIDE festival with some of its attendees where we just so happen to run into Rufus Taylor from The Darkness and his husband Luke Deacon from Kid Jupiter. We also have..” she pointed at Meddows who was laying his head on Luke’s chest with his thumb in his mouth like she expected him to answer.  

“This is our son Meddows” Luke showed him to the camera who zoomed in on his face as he waved at the camera. 

“So cute” she was just saying that for the camera with the fakest smile “So how are you two enjoying the festival?”. 

“Oh, it’s great, really fun and has a really accepting environment” Rufus was an expert at interviews after about 10 years in the music industry.   

“Great for kids right?” she asked. 

“Oh yeah it’s very kid friendly and he seems to be having a fun time” Rufus played with Meddows hands as he clapped his small hands. 

“How old is he again?” it was a common question since Meddows looked older than he really was. 

“THREE” Meddows answered the question excitingly all by himself with a big smile plastered on his face. Even the cameraman thought it was cute as fuck.   

“That’s great, back to you in the studio” the host turned back to the camera and signaled as the cameras stopped rolling. The couple walked away as soon as they could and back to the festival so they could enjoy the rest of their day without interruptions. 

“I think we partied him out” Meddows was slug over Rufus’s shoulder with his blanket wrapped around him and drooling all over his shoulder and hair. Meddows slept like the dead as they drove home from the festival. It wasn't too late at about 6 o’clock but Meddows had been jumping around and playing all day so it was time to head home. 

Other than the sudden interview the rest of the day had been amazing. Meddows played with lots of different kids and seemed very interested in the branches and rocks (they were cool rocks he said). Luke and Rufus loved it since they got to socialize with other parents and spend some time with Meddows. Life had been so busy so it was strange being able to relax and spend time together without work getting in the way. One of their greatest fears for Luke and Rufus was being gone from Meddows life and him holding it against them later.   

However, Meddows didn’t seem to care and was just happy to be with his parents. Instead of going home they went by grandma and grandpa Taylors home. 

“Hey he’s already asleep” Rufus carried in a sleeping Meddows into Roger Taylor’s big house where he would be sleeping for the night. 

“Here I'll take him” Roger smiled at his first grandson and took him into his arms with his head resting on his shoulder. Meddows always had a room in the Taylor family house with a bed, clothes, toys and other things. Meddows woke up, stretching his arms out, rubbing his eyes and looking at his parents with a confused expression. 

“Hey duckie, me and papa are gonna be gone tonight but we’ll be back when you get up okay” Luke spoke to him softly kissing the top of his head as he slowly fell back asleep.     

“Okay,” he whined a little bit. He hated his parents leaving him, for the night or even for a few hours. He was too tired to whine or cry. 

“Love you duckie, goodnight” Luke kissed his head and Rufus said his goodnight. 

“Luv you too,” Meddows said back in a small tired voice and fell back asleep on Rogers Schouler. 

“Have a good time” Roger said goodbye and took Meddows to bed. 

Luke and Rufus were heading to the adult afterparty at a bar close to where the festival was. It was for 18+ so of course, Meddows couldn’t come, plus they needed a fun night to themselves. They rarely went clubbing when they were busy with Meddows and recording. Luke never drank but Rufus loved dancing and having fun.   

“Luke does this look dumb” Rufus called. Luke was looking at his stomach and ass in the mirror. 

“Baby you never look dumb” Luke went into their bedroom and saw what he was talking about. He didn’t look dumb at all. Rufus was shirtless and wore a BDSM harness. It was made of leather and had one thick in the center with other pieces wrapped around the arms with studs in the leather and tassels on the arms. “Damn baby you look great” Luke made his way over to his husband and pulled him into a kiss. Feeling up and down the leather and across his muscles.  

“You say I look good but have you looked at yourself” he separated their kiss and made Luke spin so he looked around at his outfit. Luke was wearing a rainbow crop top and some short black shorts. Very out of style for him but it seemed appropriate and very sexy. “Your beautiful” Rufus ran his hands through his curly hair and kissed him again with more passion. 

For a second it felt like electric like they were in love for the first time. They still had that electricity even after years of being together but now it was enhanced. Rufus was 32 and Luke was 31 but it felt like they were 27 when they first met “You ready to go?” Luke kissed his neck and cheek. 

“Yes let’s go” he pulled Luke out of the room, grabbing their bags and heading out to the club.    

“Come dance with me” Luke pulled Rufus from the bar and towards the dancefloor. Music was blaring through the club and sweaty bodies moving all around them. It was around 12 o’clock at night and things were just picking up. 

The energy in the club was ecstatic. It was hot from all the people crowded together and sweating from all the dancing or alcohol. Most people had clothes on but usually cropped off and showy. Rufus never saw so many different people collected all in one area. Gay men, lesbians, bisexual people, different colors and body sized but none of it mattered when they were busy having fun. 

Luke seemed to be having a great time. Chatting up different people and hanging out with Rufus at the bar. Rufus had been sat at the bar most of the time with Luke wrapped around his little finger, cuddling up close and kissing up to his face like he was in a daze. Luke hadn't drank once but Rufus was a different story. He wasn't drunk but tipsier with about 3 beers in his system. 

“Are you having a good time?” Rufus wrapped his arms around Luke’s waist as they danced. Luke had his arms over his head dancing and moving with the music. 

“It’s amazing baby” Luke wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed his neck as their bodies collided together. 

“Did you have anything to drink?” Rufus raised his eyebrows suspiciously. 

“No, I'm just happy” he kissed him again and turned around so Rufus caressed his bare stomach. 

“WOAH” Luke started rubbing against his husband or grinding. His shorts were riding up his butt as he ground and people seemed to be cheering him on. Rufus went along with it by pushing Luke against himself and slapping his ass playfully. 

“I’ll be right back” Luke stopped his grinding and kissed Rufus one more time before heading towards the bathroom “Get me something to drink, not alcohol”. Rufus stared at him as he walked away. He was smiling like a big idiot and being himself like he hadn't in a long time. It was very refreshing to see.          

Rufus made his way back to the bar sitting on the corner with a seat open for Luke. After some contemplation, he ordered a Shirley temple for Luke and another beer for himself.  

“Nice harness” a voice drew the blonde’s attention to the other side of the bar where a guy was sitting. He was wearing a full leather outfit, pants, shirts and all. 

“Thanks” Rufus smiled at the guy. He didn’t really care if he was getting hit on, maybe he was too drunk to care but he was too focused on having a good time. 

“Sup slut” Luke came up from behind him, wrapping his arms around his neck from behind and smuttering his neck in kisses. 

“Yeah, I’m the slut” Rufus smacked his ass playfully as he sat down and wrapped his legs around him. 

“Hey I'm beautiful” he gestured to his whole body and took a sip of his drink. Luke laid his head on his shoulder and held his hand tightly. Rufus could head his breath slow and become relaxed. 

As they there together the music and everyone else was blocked out. There was some calm with their physical connection and soft touches. “Your sexy” Luke wisped in his ear and kissed his ear seductively. 

“Are we going to do this here?” Rufus looked over at him and kissed his temple lovingly. 

“No but we can do this at home” he kissed down his ear and neck as he felt Rufus get more and more flustered as he kept going. They smiled at each other and made their way out of the club.  

NSFW AHEAD BEWARE!

“I think we partied him out” Meddows was slug over Rufus’s shoulder with his Luke’s nails were digging into Rufus’s back as he was pushed against their bedroom wall and was kissed passionately. They took a uber home that night with Meddows still at Rogers house so they could spend the night together without interruptions. “That’s a little gay Rufus” Luke broke away from the kiss and wrapped his legs around his waist while pulling his shirt off and tossing it to the side. 

“Luke we're-nevermind” he was a little too drunk to respond. Instead, he moved them to the bed and placed Luke softly on it. “Want me to-” he grabbed at his harness trying to get it off but Luke stopped him. 

“No, keep it on it looks good on you” Luke ran his hands over the leather and licked his lips like he was having some very, very dirty thought about the harness.“What are you doing?” Rufus started kissing from his neck and down his stomach. 

“Making you feel good baby” he smirked against his skin and kissed down his thin body until he reached the waistband of his shorts and underwear. He tugged the small shorts down and saw the bulge in his thin underwear that was practically see through. Rufus pulled them down and his erection popped out and almost hit him in the face. Pre-cum was leaking out and Luke was looking down at his husband with red cheeks from embarrassment and excitement. 

“Sorry” he wasn't sure if he was apologizing because of making a mess or because he was so turned on.         

“It’s okay lukie your beautiful” lukie was the name he used during early morning or cuddle sessions but now it seemed so erotic in nature. Rufus jerked Luke’s cock a few times before taking it completely in his mouth on one go. 

“Oh fuck” Luke moaned as he felt his cock absorbed in the warmth of his mouth. Luke was usually the one doing this but now their roles were reversed and it felt so much better. “Don’t stop please” he ran his hand through his long blonde hair and held his face down on his cock while lightly thrusting into his mouth.

“You can go harder” he pulled off his cock for a second and smirked up at him before deepthroating him again. He thrust into his mouth harder until he was close to cumming, eyes practically rolling back into his head in pleasure. Rufus pulled out at the last minute and his cum was covering his face as it shot out. Rufus looked shocked but also dazed. “Pretty boy” Rufus climbed back on the bed and pulled Luke into a kiss with cum still on his face and lips. The cum smushed on both of their faces as they kissed, Luke palmed him through his shorts feeling him get harder and harder.     

“Get these pesky things off” Luke unbuckled his belt and pulled down his shorts and boxers at the same time. 

“Let’s get you ready” Rufus broke the kiss and pushed him up further to the headboard and positioned his face near his ass. “Pass me the lube” Luke dug in the bedside drawer and pulled out the bottle and handed it to Rufus “Just relax okay” he kissed his thigh and spread some lube on his asshole and on his fingers. 

“Oh, shit” Luke moaned as he felt Rufus’s fingers enter him and stretch him open. Rufus eyed up his body as he worked his fingers in, jerking his cock a few times and looking at Luke’s face as he moaned and whined. 

“Your beautiful” Rufus smirked at him with his voice a little woozy from the alcohol hitting him hard right at that moment. 

“If you don’t fuck me this minute I’m going to hit you” Luke moaned, sitting up and pushing into his fingers. 

“So, so impatient” Rufus giggled at him, took his fingers out and squeezed some lube on his cock. “Ready baby?” Luke nodded and moved to the end of the bed when Rufus was standing and pushed himself slowly onto his husband's cock. 

“Roo push more” he pushed himself down further while Rufus met his thrusts. Rufus was drunk and his vision was blurry but he still felt all the heat, tightness and pleasure through his cock. Luke’s face made him even horner as he looked up at the ceiling like he going to heaven. “Fuck gets behind me” he opened his eyes and gestured for him Rufus to take him from behind. He got up onto the bed, Luke on his hands and knees and leaned over him bareback style. 

“Your so sexy” Rufus moaned sucking on his ear and holding onto his hips tightly as he thrust. 

“Fuck me harder please, that harness is such a turn on” he looked behind himself and kissed the blonde passionately as he arms gave out and his head was pressed against the covers with his hands holding the sheets till his knuckles where white.   

“Lukie I'm so close” he moaned against his shoulder blades kissing up and down his back and thrusting harder. The sound of skin slapping against skin was like music to their ears and they could be as loud as possible with no kids around. Moaning as loud as they can till god could hear their dirty deeds. 

“FUCK, SHIT I’m cumming fuck yes” Luke arched his back, jerked his cock as fast as he could and came all over the sheets beneath him. 

“Fuck Luke yes” Rufus trusted harder while moving Luke’s hips with his until he came so hard that he saw stars. “I’m gonna pass the fuck out” he pulled out fell onto the bed nearly hitting his head on the headboard. Luke was laying near the edge of the bed with his face against the covers while trying to catch his breath. 

END OF NSFW 

“We made a mess” luke sat up a little more which made Rufus giggle a little bit. His eyes were closed and he looked almost asleep. “You okay?” luke climbed onto him kissing all over his face and laid on top of him. Their dirty bodies pushed together and their breath slowing down as they relaxed. 

“That was fucking great” Rufus wrapped his arms around Luke’s shoulder and kissed his temple softly. Luke was playing with the leather of the harness he was still wearing. 

“We should go to pride more often” he kissed down his cheek and neck. 

“Uhh don’t think we’re gay enough for that” they giggled together. 

“I’m pretty gay, how about you? Are you as gay as me?” Luke asked like it was a serious question and it was something that Rufus never really thought about it. 

“I think I'm straight”. 

“How can you be straight when you literally married to a man” Luke leaned his head against his shoulder and looked up at him.  

“I’m straight with exceptions” he ran his hands through Luke’s curly hair. 

“What’s the exception?”. 

“You” he answered seriously. 

“Well I'm your husband and I'm the father of your children so I better be the exception” he punched his shoulder playfully and laid back down “I love you, Rufus” 

“I love you Luke” he leaned down and kissed him softly. The day was amazing. Rufus felt some closeness that they hadn't felt in a while, a closeness that was fun and energetic. They were close even without partying but it felt different this time. 

Holding each other and listening to each other’s heartbeat. It was peaceful and was something they both would never forget. 

“Kiss me please,” Luke asked. Rufus kissed him again and Luke stared at him for a second before yelling out loud “GAY”. 

Chapter Text

Spread your wings and fly away

Fly away far away

Spread your little wings and fly away

Fly away far away

Pull yourself together

'Cause you know you should do better

That's because you're a free man

Meddows John Taylor, Age: 4 years old. 

Luke Deacon awoke at about 2 a.m. His eyes filled with sleep and his body wrapped in a warm blanket that surrounded him with comfort. He didn’t have to wake up Meddows until 7. He wanted to sleep but was having trouble doing so especially with all the exciting events that would be taking place in the next week. Luke rolled onto his side to look at his blond-haired, blue-eyed husband. 

Rufus Taylor was sleeping like death, drool coming out of his mouth with no shame and his blonde hair looking more like a hornet's nest. He looked kind of adorable. Luke ran his hand over his face to move a piece of hair so he could see his husbands sleepy and kind gross face in the dark morning light. 

Sniff, sniff, sniff. 

The noise was quiet and barely audible but there was noise. Luke sat up in bed, pushing his curly brown hair out of his face and listened. 

Sniff, sob, sniff. 

He knew exactly where it was coming from. He snuck out of bed as not wake Rufus who would need his beauty sleep while using his phone light to see around the darkroom without turning the lights on. While also pulled his robe on before walking out and into the hall. Luke never liked robes but it seemed like a nice unnecessary luxury.  

The house had a total of four bedrooms, three upstairs and one downstairs. Only two were occupied that night. One for Rufus and Luke and the others were Meddows whose room was right next to his parents' room so he always knew where they where. 

“Meddows, duck duck, you okay?” Luke asked in a soft voice before opened the door slowly so as not to wake him in case he was asleep but the sniffing got louder and louder as he approached the bedroom. 

Sniff, sniff, sob. 

Luke flicked the light on and saw Meddows. He was sitting up on his white wooden bed, his legs covered by his favorite blanket that had suns on it and his comforted that had cars on it “Daddy?”. 

Meddows was a cute kid. Blonde hair along to his shoulder that he refused to cut and his bright blue eyes that shone against his pale skin. He was still a cute kid even when he was crying. 

Luke hadn't realized he was crying until he came closer and saw the tears staining his face and the collar of his dinosaur pajamas. “Duckie did you have a nightmare?” Luke came over to his son, pulling him into a hug and rubbing his back softly. 

“Yeah” his voice was quiet for such an energetic boy. Luke hated seeing him cry but he knew he needed to let his emotions out and the nightmares seemed to be happening a little more often. “You want something to drink?” Meddows nodded his head and wrapped his small legs around Luke’s waist as he carried him.  

Luke carried him downstairs and sat him down at the table, “Do you want some milk, juice or water?”. 

“Juice please,” Meddows said, Luke, pulled out the container of orange juice and poured some for him. Luke gave him a tissue to wipe his adorable face of tears as he drank his juice without even looking up to breath. 

“Are you scared about school?” Luke sat next to his son. Holding him to his chest and kissing his temple until his heart rate was slow and relaxed. 

“No, I can’t wait to go to school! I get to meet new friends and, and-” he was back to the energetic and friendly boy he always was. He was extremely social and was friendly with everyone even if they weren’t with him. Maybe he wasn't nervous but Luke was. He saw how people treated kids like Meddows who were extremely friendly, they did everything they could to destroy it.  

“You're so cute you know that right” Luke giggled at his excitement and poked him in the cheek to tease him. 

“I’m not cute, I’m a big boy” he stretched his nonexistent muscles. 

“Your a cute big boy” Luke carried him back upstairs but Meddows stopped him when they arrived at his door. 

“Can I sleep in you and Papas bed tonight?” he looked up at him with those big blue eyes like a small kitten. 

“Of course you can duckie, we just have to be quiet because papa is very tired tonight” he carried him into the master bedroom. 

Their greyhound dog Bean was laying at the foot of the bed and stared at them as they entered the room as quietly as they could. Rufus didn’t seem to notice the sound of small feet against the covers or felt Meddows cuddle up close to him and Luke. “Goodnight daddy,” Meddows said quietly, cuddling up into his arms with his blanket in hand and kissing Luke’s cheek goodnight. 

“Goodnight duckie” Luke kissed his head, wrapping his arms around his shoulder before falling into a much-needed sleep. 

Bleep, Bleep, Bleep. 

7 a.m. The first time they would have to wake up that early and they would have to do it for the next 12 years. “Wake up, up, up” Luke awoke his son who was clinging to his waist while drooling on his shirt, he looked kind of like Rufus when he was sleeping. He kissed his face to wake him up, Meddows sitting up in bed and stretched his arms out as Luke pulled out of bed and started getting him ready. 

Luke put him down at the end of the bed and Meddows ran over to Rufus’s side and kissed him good morning. Rufus opened his eyes a little bit to see his small son smiling at him like he was the greatest human being in the world. “Go with daddy squirt” he reached over and ruffled his hair before rolling over and falling asleep again like he never woke up in the first space. 

“Food time!” Luke twirled him around as they went downstairs to make breakfast. Bean was following them like he was waiting for his breakfast as well, Meddows wasn't complaining since he loved that dog more than anything. 

“Got it?” Luke asked, Meddows insisted on making the eggs all by himself and he seemed to be doing pretty well on his own.                 

“Did I do good daddy?” he showed him his beat-up eggs that looked great for his first time doing it by himself. 

“Yeah looks great, you the next Gordan Ramsey” he poured the eggs into the pan while also fixing up some sausage to go with it. 

“Who?” Then Luke remembered that he didn’t know who Gordan Ramsey was. (I was actually binge watching Hell’s Kitchen while writing this XD)  Meddows just stood on a stool watching him like a hawk. His little mind seemed to be blown by everything he saw his parents do, including cooking, cleaning, playing music, and even singing. 

Luke was so focused on cooking breakfast that he didn’t notice a sneaky prick names Rufus coming up behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist and kissed his neck. “AH Rufus you little bi-biscuit” good save Luke. 

“Well good morning to you, hey squirt” Meddows came running over to him and Rufus picked him up, kissing him all over his face and ruffling his hair.       

“He missed you” Luke served up breakfast and came over to Rufus, giving him a big kiss on the lips and running his hand over his cheek. 

“Did you miss me?” Rufus kissed him back still holding their son between them who was smiling like a big goof. 

“Yeah, sometimes” he teased kissing him again. He did miss Rufus, even if it was just for three days but he still missed the kisses and cuddles. Meddows did as well. Rufus had been away for three days at a music festival where The Darkness was playing. They weren’t supposed to be back until the next day but Rufus made sure to catch a plane at 10 p.m. and arrived home at 1 AM. He couldn’t miss the event occurring today. 

Meddows was starting primary school today. Rufus wouldn’t miss it for the world and Luke wanted him to be there. “Are you excited for school?” Rufus took his place at the kitchen table next to Luke and started shoving his face with eggs. 

“YES” He was practically jumping up and down on his seat with excitement while stuffing his face. Luke looked up from his plate and saw Rufus and Meddows both with eggs hanging out of their mouths like a bunch of pigs.       

“My two children” Luke laughed at them as he finished his breakfast. Rufus looked over at his son and they laughed at each other. He missed his son and the energy that never failed to make him laugh or feel warm inside. “I’ll go get him dressed” Rufus wanted to protest but he was too tired to even fight. He was still running on only 6 hours of sleep. 

“Hey” Rufus stopped Luke by holding onto his hand as he passes him “I love you”. It was a simple expression but Rufus always felt he needed to say it all the time. 

“I love you too, what was that for?” he leaned over and kissed him while still holding Meddows hand. 

“Just thought I'd say it, can’t you just learn to take a compliment” he joked and kissed Luke again. Luke loved being told he was loved, wither it was from Rufus or Meddows.    

“Do I get to pick my outfit?” Meddows walked into his big closet in his room. All in different colors with cute patterns and designs that he picked out himself on most days.

“No honey, you get to wear this little number” Luke showed off the uniform. It was a bright blue sweater, a white polo shirt, black pants, and some black dress shoes. 

Rufus had insisted that they send Meddows to private school to get a good education and also for privacy reasons. They both had attended private school except Luke’s was a catholic school and Rufus dropped out of before he could finish secondary school. They wanted nothing more than for Meddows to do good in school and get along with the kids. 

However, Luke thought the uniforms were stupid. They were just gonna ruin them anyway so might as well just let them wear normal clothes!

“Rufus come over and look at him” Luke stood outside Meddows room as he called Rufus over who was just finishing getting dressed and brushing his hair. 

“Meddows come on out and show us” Rufus held onto Luke’s waist and then Meddows came bouncing out. He looked happy enough wearing the uniform and the outfit seemed to fit perfectly on his naturally tall, thin body. “You look great buddy” he walked over and hugged Meddows close and looked over the outfit. 

“Do I look like a big boy daddy?” Meddows came over to Luke and gave him a big hug and twirled around to show off. 

“You look like a very handsome big boy” he picked him up and kissed his cheek which made him giggle. His laughter was contagious just like when he was a baby and everyone would love being around him because he was always so happy. “You ready to get going?” Luke turned to Rufus who was looking over at his son and husband. 

“Yeah, let’s get going” Meddows ran and grabbed his backpack while Rufus and Luke pulled on their jackets and shoes to head out for a very important day.

“Look at all those snobby rich parents” Made luke was being hypocritical, since both him and Rufus where both rich but not exactly snobby. 

“Hey their not snobby…..more like entitled but you never know” they pulled up into the school that was busy with parents and other children. The school was a big brick building with lots of windows and a gate that had to be opened by hand at the beginning of the day.  

“That’s a big building” Meddows looked out the windows with amazement. 

“That's your school buddy” Rufus looked over for a second at his amazement. Meddows was a man of many names, buddy, squirt, sweetie, honey, pain in the ass (from Luke when he's not there). He seemed to enjoy the little names people gave him maybe even more than his real name. 

“It's Tegan gonna be there?” He asked out of curiosity.

“No love, Tegan can't go yet, she's too little” Luke responded when they finally found a parking spot. 

Tegan Mercury-Malek the granddaughter of Freddie Mercury and the daughter of Delilah Mercury-Hutton and Rami Malek. She was born two years ago when Delilah randomly became pregnant (everyone was surprised and it nearly gave Freddie a heart attack). 

Meddows and her became instant best friends even when she couldn’t talk and he was still so much bigger than her. Rufus thought they were best friends while Luke thought they were dating but they never told Meddows that. 

Meddows looked a little sad when he realized Tegan wasn't there but he bounced back into joy when he thought about making other friends. 

“You ready to do this?” Rufus turned to Luke with a small smile. He could tell he was nervous even if he tried to hide it. 

“Yeah, let's do this” he gave Rufus a quick peck on the cheek before unbuckling and went over to Meddows side to unbuckle him from his car seat.

Meddows stood between his parents holding both of their hands as he walked with a pep in his step and nothing but joy in his heart. As they walked Rufus noticed something, all the children who had come from privileged families all had drivers or nannies who would drop them off with no parents in sight. Luke couldn't bear the thought of not being around Meddows for so long or sending him off every morning but maybe it was just him. 

“This is the class” Rufus looked at the campus map and found Meddows call at the end of the hall that mad lots of other kids and people waiting outside for the day to start. 

“You won’t stay?” Meddows looked up at his parents with big puppy dog eyes as kids started entering the class without their parents. 

“No Meddows we can’t stay” Luke bent down to his level and pulled him into a hug and kiss. He knew he was being over emotional but he didn’t care, he would miss his son. 

“I love you, be good okay” Rufus went in for a hug and kissed the top of his head as Meddows hugged him close. 

“Okay, Love you papa” he pulled away hesitantly like he didn’t want to leave and went back to Luke for another hug “I love you, daddy”. 

“I love you too duckie” Luke kissed him again and watched as his son skipped his way into class. He looked a little less excited than earlier but he still had a smile on his face.   

“You okay?” Rufus wrapped his arms around Luke’s shoulder, playing with his hair where he always liked.  

“Yeah, I think I'll be okay” he nodded his head confidently. He loved his son but he needed to loosen up, he couldn’t watch over him all day and night. He didn’t understand how Rufus could be so calm through all this. Meddows was their first kid so he wasn't an expert yet but he was learning to be a good parent. 

Rufus thought he was a good parent and so did everyone else but there was always simmering in the back of his head that said otherwise. 

“Let's go home, it's too early for this shit” Rufus practically dragged him out since he was tired. Bags still under his eyes and all he still looked amazing compared with everyone else. Luke let himself be leas out, come to think of it, both of the parents needed a nap together. 

“RUFUS YOU'RE SUFFOCATING ME!” His husband had jumped on top of him when he laid down. His blonde hair getting in his face and eyes while he was being sat on. 

“Your time is up Mr. Taylor” Rufus say up more and leaned in to get a kiss but was dogged. 

“You can't kill me, Meddows will be upset plus I'm his favorite” Luke struggled against him while still dodging him.

“LIER” he finally got Luke’s hands and held them down playfully “He” kiss “Loves” another kiss “Me”. Luke stopped fighting and let his husband kiss him with lots of love and passion. 

“Fine you win, now get off me” Rufus finally climbed his fat ass off him and laid down next to him. Wrapping his arms around his neck and cuddled up close to him “Don’t you have work to do today other than harass me?”. 

“Nope they won't be back until tomorrow, what about you?” Rufus gentle played with his curly hair while braiding it gently as he felt the hair straighten and curl again under his fingers. 

“Nope, absolutely nothing” well that was a first. 

“We both have nothing to do today?” Luke nodded to the comment “We can relax and spend all our time together” he cuddled up to him jokingly and kissed his jaw and up to his face till he reached his lips again. 

“Are you trying to have sex with me?” Luke asked blankly, rolling on his side so he could face Rufus’s smirking face and raised brows. 

“Well, we’re all alone so why not” he climbed on top of him and started kissing him more roughly. 

“Or we could nap and cuddle” Luke suggested and that seemed to be the perfect compromise. 

“That works too” the couple nodded and climbed under the blankets till there was no space left between them and their warm skin was close and connected. Luke wrapped under Rufus' arm and their faces close together and their legs tangled in a comfortable mess. 

It was quiet and comfortable just in the silence of the room and no kid to interrupt. They enjoyed these quiet times, they would need to treasure it for now until things started picking up again. 

Something big would be coming up later in the year that Meddows didn’t know about. Not just yet. 

“DADDY, PAPA LOOK AT THE DRAWING I DID TODAY!” Meddows came running out of the classroom and into his parents' arms. His blonde hair flowing as he ran like the wind with his bag slumped over his shoulder and his sweater wrinkled from a day of play. He was exactly how Luke expected, happy and filled with energy from the day in classic Meddows fashion.    

“HEY BUDDY” Luke picked him up as they collided in the middle of the hallway and Rufus held onto him as well. Meddows buried his face in his daddy's shoulder, holding him close and smiling ear to ear. 

“Did you have a nice time baba?” Rufus took him in his arms and carried him to the car. 

“Yes, we colored and did ADC’s and read and, and-” he was almost too excited to talk and was tripping over his words while he kept going on and on and on.  

“Well, I see your day was exciting” Luke took him from Rufus and placed him in his car seat while Meddows was still talking about his day in full detail. He was particularly excited about the drawing he did that would have to wait till they got home but was practically jumping up and down in his car seat.

He didn’t even wait to be unbuckled before jumping out and running inside the house. “We got to relax today but I did miss his stupid face” Rufus looked over to Luke while running after their son who seemed to be becoming more like Luke every day. 

“Well, we enjoyed it while it lasts” Luke went inside with Rufus behind him and saw Meddows trying to hang something on the refrigerator. 

“Daddy, Papa come look at this” Meddows pointed to the drawing and the couple went over to take a look.

It was a series of stick figures with different hair colors and a one big grey blob. Looking closer they could see what it was supposed to depict.  

A stick figure with blonde hair and a blue sweater with ME written on top of it. Next to him in big bold letters was DADDY AND PAPA with stick figure holding hands, one with long blonde hair for Rufus and one with curly brown hair for Luke. 

“I love it duckie” Luke took his son in his arms and held him to his chest tightly. 

“Daddy, what's wrong?” Meddows looked up and saw Luke with tears in his eyes that he was doing a terrible job with blinking away. 

“Nothing buddy I’m just happy” he kissed his son's temple and felt Rufus hug him from behind trying to comfort him. Luke was more than happy. 

Happy his son was happy and healthy but sad that he was growing up. He sometimes wished Meddows could stay small forever and be adorable forever (he probably would be but that wasn't the point). Rufus and he had talked about it before about how much they loved their son or how they would miss him when they were gone. 

He was their son, not just flesh and blood but in love and family.  

“We have the best kid don’t we?” Rufus asked in his ear.  

“Yes, yes we do” Luke said while still holding Meddows close. He loved his son more than anything, more than life itself. He knew Meddows was going to be okay. He was going to thrive and fly away in only a matter of time. .   

Chapter Text

So let me live (so let me live)

Let me live (leave me alone)

Let me live, oh baby

And make a brand new start

He should really stay off twitter but two hours of scrolling later then you can’t really stop. Rufus was rarely on Twitter but Luke was there all the time, mostly random memes or cool fan posts about the band or himself. Then he came across something buried deep in the timeline that he could have missed it if he scrolled fast enough. 

It was a collage of four pictures that all had one big theme to all of them, Meddows. “What are you looking at?” Rufus rolled over to wrap his arms around his waist and hold the curled up Luke to his bare chest. It was almost midnight in the Taylor household, Meddows was already in bed after getting his nightly bedtime story and they were both tired from a full day of work.  

“Something on twitter about us” that caught Rufus’s attention and he moved closer so that he could see the screen more clearly. Luke clicked to enhance the post and scanned the post to see what all the fuss was about. The post read: 

Luke and Rufus Taylor with their INBRED child 🤮

With the text were four pictures. One with Luke and Rufus holding Meddows hand as they dropped him off at school. The next one was a picture that Rufus had posted a few weeks ago with Meddows smiling at the camera and Rufus playing with his hair. The Other two were of the family leaving the school that was taken just a few days ago. 

Such nice photos had been turned into a picture that the poster found disgusting and found it proof enough to call Meddows. Poor, small, kind Meddows an inbred. Someone thought they were using their time wisely by making fun of a small innocent child.

It made Rufus angry, he wanted to punch the person who posted that in the mouth so they could feel his wrath. Luke wanted to throw up in his mouth so he just closed the app and shut off his phone. He could feel Rufus getting hotter and redder behind him and his hands clutching the covers until his knuckles turned white with anger. “That fucken prat” he punched the cover next to him and turned to lay on his back while closing his eyes and trying to take a few deep breaths to calm himself down.        

“Rufus, how did they get those pictures?” Luke was the one staying calm and was still thinking about the pictures.

Meddows went to the best private primary school in London with tons of other celebrity children. The school was supposed to be secure and be free from paparazzi and other intruders. Their son was supposed to be safe and shouldn't have to worry about his famous parents and being constantly harassed for things he wasn't involved in. He barely even knew his parents were famous. 

In his young mind, his parents just went away for work every once in a while and sang songs for people. Didn’t call the other kid's parents to do that as well? 

“I don’t know, I seriously don’t know” he was still trying to calm himself down and looked over at Luke. Just his face seemed to help a little bit by seeing how seemingly calm he was staying. 

“He could switch schools” Luke suggested, he didn’t want to say it but it was the only thing on his mind right now. Meddows likes school but he would never be left alone, he didn’t want that for his son. 

“No, absolutely not” he moved to face Luke and cuddled up close to him so it seemed like they were the only two people in the world. “He’s just getting settled and we can’t just move him every time things get tough” the more Luke listened the more he thought about it. Meddows would be devastated about having to adjust all over again. “Also we paid all that money for tuition” it made them laugh a little bit.   

“Yeah, your right and I don’t wanna put him through that” Luke laid his head on his bare chest while listening to the sound of his heartbeat. “I just want people to leave him alone ...maybe we shouldn't drop him off at school anymore” his heart broke slowly as he said it. He loved dropping Meddows off every day at school, seeing his excitement as he talked and played with the other kids or kissing him goodbye. Rufus loved it as well and it was almost the highlight of his day just spending time with him. 

“Babe I know how much dropping him off means to you and me, we can work out some other plan or-” he stopped talking when he felt Luke playing with his hair which was something he always did when he was thinking about something. 

“I don’t want to not drop him off but I’ll do it if it stops people from harassing him” he didn’t want Rufus to know how upset he really was so he just looked at the blonde strands between his fingers and focused on that instead. The softness of them and the color that was almost the same as Meddows.

“Are you sure Luke?” Rufus rubbed the small of his back that seemed to ease under his touch. 

“Yes, now can we just go to sleep before I change my mind” Luke turned to turn off the light and then back around to pull Rufus into a hug. Wrapping his arms around his waist and laying his head against the shoulder. He wanted to be as close as humanly possible so that he could feel Rufus’s warmth and love that he spread through words and gentle touches that he used to calm him down.       

“Your the weirdest, greatest, strongest person I know” Rufus bear-hugged him while kissing the top of his head gently. 

“Thanks, I think your dumb” way to spoil the mood Luke but they both needed something to laugh about “I love you, Rufus”. 

“I love you too Luke, you big dummy” he gave him a big kiss. Luke fell asleep wrapped in Rufus’s arms, surrounded in comfort and love. He thought of Meddows as he slept, he would be upset not having him there or having him there to pick him up and talk on and on about how exciting his day was. He would have to wait until he got home. 

For most parents, it wasn't a big deal but it meant something to Luke and Rufus. Luke had a fear of being a bad parent and Rufus just wanted to see his son more since he would be so busy during that year. It was a double-edged sword that wouldn’t work out in their favor. 

Let’s just say being the kid of a celebrity wasn’t an easy life to live. 

Meddows Taylor the boy with starry eyes. Eyes that saw the world as something beautiful or something that needed to be explored. Nothing or nobody would hurt him because people were kind at heart. His parent’s where the perfect parents who could do everything right and nothing wrong. 

Luke wished that was all true, just like how he wished he didn’t have to tell Meddows about how they couldn’t drop him at school. 

Meddows came running downstairs where Luke and Rufus were, sitting on the couch and waiting for him. His blonde hair was flowing on his shoulder and bounced up and down as he came towards them. His sweater a little wrinkled and his shorts, socks, and shoes all a little battered but presentable. Meddows wasn't a very clean child so it wasn’t that bad. 

“I’m ready to go!” he jumped down the last steep and ran to his parents while throwing his backpack on his back and jumping up and down as he stood. Rufus gestured for him to come closer and the little boy jumped into his lap and buried his head in his chest while giggling to himself. 

“Buddy me and daddy have to tell you something” Rufus spoke first, making Meddows sit up on his lap and looking up at both of them with a confused but still happy expression. 

“I and papa won’t be dropping you off at school anymore, someone else is going to take you” Luke looked on as he saw Meddows’s smile slowly fade away as he spoke. The starry boy looked down at the floor with a big frown on his face, he wasn’t saying anything for once. 

“Hey don’t be so down, we’ll still be here to say goodbye but he just can’t drive you or pick you up” Meddows looked up a little more but he still looked so sad. Sadness wasn’t a common occurrence for him since he always seemed so happy and energetic, even when everyone around him wasn’t always happy.  

“Promise you’ll say bye?” his starry eyes looked a little brighter and held onto Rufus’s arm and looked over at Luke. 

“Promise,” both parents said it at the same and that seemed to cheer him up even if just a little bit. He held out his pinkie to make it official for which both Luke and Rufus accepted happily.        

“Now let’s go, the chauffeur is waiting outside” yep a chauffeur. Rufus had found someone that one of his bandmates recommended. The guy happily accepted the last-minute position and agreed to the pay, time and they had a contract signed within just a few hours. Luke didn’t really trust Haden (That was the chauffeurs' name) yet since he only met him a few hours ago but Rufus seemed to trust him since he met him before and drove with him before. Parenting instincts. 

Rufus held Meddows as they walked out of the house and down the driveway towards the black car that would be taking him. Luke followed close behind them and stood next to Rufus as they came to the driver side.   

“Haden, this is Meddows” the window rolled down and revealed Haden. He looked around Rufus and Luke’s age with black slicked-back hair, a kind smile and a dress suit. “Haden this is Meddows” Meddows waved at the stranger and Haden smiled at him and reached out to shake his hand which the little boy accepted. 

“Hi,” Meddows said as he shook his hand and gave a kind smile. 

“It’s nice to meet you” Haden had a calm, relaxing voice that seemed to make Meddows a little less scared or nervous about being away from his parents. Rufus sat him down and Meddows hugged him tightly and laid his head against his shoulder and then ran over to Luke and hugged him. 

“I love you duckie, see you when you get back okay” Luke had to pull away and gave his son a kiss on the cheek and on his temple. Meddows hugged him again like he couldn’t bear being apart from him, just like how Luke couldn’t bear being away from him. 

“Love you” Meddows finally moved away and said goodbye and Rufus went over and buckled him into his car seat. 

The parents watched the car pull out from the driveway. Then the backseat window rolled down and Meddows waving his hand out the window yelling at them “BYE BYE!”. It made Luke and Rufus smile even though they felt anything but happy.  

“What if he’s a pedophile or secretly terrible driver” Luke held onto Rufus and told him all his fears and theories. He was only being realistic. 

“Luke, I think they would have told us that” Rufus laughed at him, he had faith in Haden and knew Meddows would be okay. “He’ll be okay babe, he’ll be okay” he rubbed the small of his back and they made their way back inside. 

Luke knew he would be okay but there was a devil in the back of his mind saying otherwise. 

He just had a feeling. 

A sinking feeling that something was going to happen. 

Maybe he was just being paranoid or overprotective. 

Something was going to happen. 

He just didn’t know what yet. 

The hate on twitter seemed to be heating up more and more. First, it was on twitter then stupid articles that had titles that were clickbait and filled with lies. Most of them about the pictures that people took of them, something as simple as taking your kids to school caused this much drama. 

“Luke, you okay?” Laurence got him off his phone and back onto rehearsal for their gig coming up. He noticed how distracted he was that day and so could everybody else. 

“Yeah, just have something on my mind” Luke put his phone down to get back into the zone of the music but then his phone went off with a text. He could see Laurence rolling his eyes as he picked his phone back up again. 

MY LOVE ❤ (Rufus Taylor) 

Rufus: Hey 

Rufus: Just wanted to say i love you 

Rufus: Also you might wanna stay off Twitter for a while. It’s getting kind of intense

Luke: I’m already planning on it 

Luke: also love you too 

Luke: Should I make a statement about the comments  

Rufus: I wouldn’t, it’ll just ass fuel to the fire 

Luke: Idea: All 😤 the 😫 haters 😡 is 😶 gay 🏳️🌈

Rufus:,,,,,,,

Rufus:This is why im married to you 

Luke: good ❤  

Luke posted the tweet and then muted all his notifications and moved the app so he wouldn’t be inclined to look at it. “Let’s start” he turned back to his band and they all nodded at him to begin playing.    

“Luke, Meddows got sent home early”. 

“What? Why did he get sent home? Is he okay?”. 

“Haden said that when he picked him up Meddows seemed kind of...fuzzy and out of it, not his usual happy self”. 

“Is he at home now?”. 

“Yes, he’s laying in bed right now”. 

“Thank you Annie” Luke hung up on Meddows sitter who was always there when he got home for school when Rufus and Luke couldn’t. Annie had been with Meddows since he was 2 years old so she knew how he acted when he got sick or upset. Luke was already on his way home when she called so he started rushing down the freeway to get home as fast as possible. 

He learned to drive just a year ago (when he realized he couldn’t depend on Rufus to be his personal chauffeur) so he was okay at driving up still rushed. Annie mentioned how he called Rufus beforehand and he was already on his way as well. 

Luke pulled up his houses front gates, scanning his key card that everyone needed to get in or be buzzed in. Rufus’s wasn’t there yet due to the absence of his car but Annie came out as soon as she saw his car pull up.  “Hey” Annie waved him inside as he left his car and made his way over to her. 

“How is he?” Luke went inside, slipping his shoes and jacket off. 

“He’s laying down but Haden was right, he’s not acting like himself” Annie guided him to Meddows room upstairs. 

Luke entered the room slowly as not to wake him in case he was sleeping. He wasn't and as soon as he heard the door moving he sat upright in bed. His blue sweater was laying across the floor next to his shoes and he still wore his white polo shirt and shorts. His blonde hair was matted from sleeping on it “Daddy?”. 

“Hey honey, you feeling okay?” he walked over and sat next to him on his bed and picked him up so he was sitting on his lap. Meddows wasn’t talking or really moving at all except for holding onto Luke’s arm and resting his head on his shoulder. Not Luke was getting worried. 

“Annie! Luke? Where are you?” He could hear Rufus calling from downstairs and then the sound of him making his way upstairs. His voice made Meddows jump up a little bit and he turned his attention to the doorframe when he walked in. “Luke there you are” he popped into the room and walked over to his husband and son “Hey buddy”. Meddows laid his head on his lap and his legs resting on Luke. 

“He’s warm” Luke felt his forehead and found him warm like he had a cold even though it wasn’t the cold season yet and no one around him had been sick. 

“You think he has a cold?” Meddows had only been sick one other time when he was two but he overcame it within just a few days and then was back to usual happy self. 

“He hasn't been coughing or sneezing, just acting weird” Annie knew since she had been keeping an eye on him since he came home. 

“Should we take him to the doctors?” Luke looked at Rufus who was running his hands through his son's hair which seemed to help him relax a little bit.      

“Tomorrow may be, let’s just see how he does for the night” Rufus looked back up at Luke who looked nervous. 

“Okay, I’ll take him tomorrow since I don’t have to record until late” Luke scooted off the bed and stood next to Annie who was already bitting off the last of her nails. 

“Let him sleep” Rufus moved Meddows small head onto the pillow and pulled the covers off him. He was already out like a light within seconds and curled himself into a ball underneath the covers like a cat in the cold. 

“Night Night duckie” Luke kissed the top of his son's head, smoothing his hair out and kissing him a few more times for good measure. 

“Night Buddy,” Rufus said his goodnight, gave him a kiss and then joined Rufus and Annie outside Meddows room. 

“Thank you for calling us Annie” Luke turned to her and took her hand to stop her from biting her nails even more. 

“It’s no problem, it’s my job to take care of him” she smiled up at the parents. They trusted Annie more than anyone and Meddows also trusted her since she was one of his best friends. 

“Well thank you nonetheless” Rufus hugged her and so did Luke which made her more relaxed. 

Annie left a few minutes later when she knew she wasn't needed anymore and Luke and Rufus would take care of him for the rest of the day. 

******************************************

“Do you think he’ll be okay?” Luke asked him and Rufus were relaxing on the living room couch. Rufus was working on a song while Luke was watching TV and resting his head on his husband's chest. 

“It’s probably just a cold, he’ll be better in a few days” Rufus looked up from is songbook and wrapped his arms around Luke’s shoulder. 

“Am I being a bad parent?” the voice in the back of his head was coming up again. He hadn't meant to say it out loud but he said it loud enough to catch Rufus’s attention.

“What? Of course not don’t be a stupid” he playfully hit him in the shoulder and kissed his nose and forehead. 

“Should I care what the media thinks?” he was announcing all his thoughts out loud for the universe to hear and he felt Rufus hold his hand just a little bit tighter. 

“I don’t, never have and never will” great now he felt weird “You can’t let them affect you, babe, you're amazing“. He never listened to people on twitter but when it all came at him at the same time it all became too much for him to ignore. He wished he could be as hyper or carefree, instead, he just made memes about it to make it look like it didn’t bother him. 

“Do you really mean that?” he knew Rufus loved him, more than anything in the world. 

“Of course I do and I also mean this” Rufus took his face in his hands and kissed him roughly and passionately. Luke kissed him back till he was almost on top of the blonde man like he was looking for anything to keep his mind off the world that was moving around him.    

“Daddy? Papa?” Luke jumped off as he heard a familiar soft voice coming from the doorway. Meddows was standing there with pajamas on now instead of his uniform, holding his blanket and duck toy in his hand. Usually, he would run over to them and plop on their laps with a huge smile on his face with his bright starry eyes. 

He wasn't this time. He looked tired despite having been asleep for the last three hours and he moved slow and sluggish, and the strangest of all was that he wasn't at all smiling. “Come here duckie” Luke held out his arms for him to walk into and he came over (slowly but surely) and hugged him tightly. 

“You feeling any better love?” Rufus sat him between them and he cuddled close to his parents. Meddows nodded no, still not saying a word. 

“Do you wanna cuddle with me and papa?” Luke asked and Meddows perked up a little bit and gave a small smile.

Meddows laid in the middle with Luke holding him on the left and Rufus holding him on the right. “Meddows, did someone say something to you at school?” Luke could sense something was up other than him being sick, but maybe now wasn’t a good time to ask. 

Meddows nodded his head slowly. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” he nodded his head no and closed his eyes to try and rest again.                

Luke held him tighter than he meant too, maybe it was just instinct or overprotectiveness. But he didn’t really care. 

He was going to take care of his son with Rufus. They were taking care of their son, despite what everyone thought of them.  

Meddows needed him right now. 

And no fucker was going to destroy him or his family. 

Chapter Text

Close your eyes

Have no fear

The monster's gone

He's on the run and your daddy's here

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful

Beautiful boy

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful

Beautiful boy 

-John Lennon 

Rufus opened his eyes slowly, seeing the light flutter through his eyelashes and the strands of blonde hair that had fallen in his eyes through the night. Meddows was asleep next to him. His duck pajamas and curly blonde hair a wrinkled mess from sleep. Luke was asleep as well with Meddows cuddled up close to him and tangled in his chest and arms. It was a cute scene. 

Sometimes he wished Meddows and him were as close as him and Luke. They had this heart and soul connection that seemed unbreakable no matter what, through thick and thin. Meddows loved him too but in a different way. It didn’t bother him that much instead it made happier than anything. 

“Papa?” Meddows voice was small and horse from not using it almost all day yesterday. 

“Good Morning honey” Rufus moved the pieces of curly hair out of his hair. The same curly hair that he got from Luke and always smelled of something fruity. “Feeling any better?” he placed his hand on his forehead, just as warm as yesterday or maybe even hotter. Meddows shook his head no and turned his attention onto Luke who was just awakening.   

“Morning you two” Luke propped himself up on his elbow and Meddows crawled over to hug him. Luke looked at Rufus with concern when he felt how warm Meddows. Then Rufus looked over at the clock and saw the time. 

“Shit I’m late- I mean-whatever” Rufus didn’t even bother to correct himself before hopping off the couch and hurrying upstairs to get dressed. Meddows must have noticed the time as well when his eyes went big and he headed towards the stairs to get ready for school. 

“Not so fast honey, you can’t go to school today” Luke stopped him by picking him up and holding him. Meddows didn’t seem to fight back or even move at all. He just let himself be held and stared ahead like his entire body was in a trance and not even his hand or feet were moving. It was almost scary. “Meddows? Meddows!” Luke shook him a little bit and then he finally snapped out of it. Meddows didn’t seem to know what happened cause be looked just as confused as Luke did. “Let’s go get breakfast” Luke didn’t know what to do except carry on with the day, for his sake and for Meddows sake. 

He could tell Rufus was worried too even though he didn’t show it as much as Luke did. Uggghhh parenting is hard.    

“Will you be okay on your own?” Rufus came downstairs after getting himself ready and pulled Luke into a hug, kissing his forehead. 

“I’ll be okay Rufus, I’m a good housewife, taking care of the children and cleaning”  he joked that made Rufus relax a little bit and they both looked over at Meddows. He was playing with Bean under the table, petting his head and stomach that were his favorite spots and he seemed to be enjoying himself. They took it as a sign that Meddows was feeling better even if it was just a little thing. It meant something. 

“Thank you, wife, I love you” Rufus kissed him goodbye like he always did every morning. Usually a kiss or holding each other tightly and closely in an almost a cuddle that was warm and full of love. 

“Love you too” he kissed Rufus again before letting him go to say goodbye to Meddows. Meddows was still talking quietly enough for just Rufus to hear but at least he was talking. 

Luke served him up breakfast but still no peep from him and Luke didn’t force him to talk. He would respond in nods or by shaking his head. What he gathered for him was: Meddows wasn’t hurting physically other than a headache, he was tired despite sleeping through the night. 

“Do you wanna go lay down?”Luke asked as Meddows placed his empty plate in the sink. He nodded his head slowly, rubbing his eyes and walking over to Luke so he could be picked up. 

He loved being held. Even when he was a baby he screamed and cried when people took him from Luke or Rufus’s arms. Luke picked his son up burying his small face in the crook of his shoulder with his messy blonde hair sticking up in all different directions.   

“I’m gonna go get you some medicine” Luke placed him down on his bed, tucking him in before leaving the room for a second to grab some children's Advil for his headaches. He also had time to call Meddows doctor to make an appointment. 

It was a little last minute but they had an opening for Meddows to come in a few hours and it also matched with Luke’s schedule since he didn’t have to be in the studio until about 5. 

“Okay thank you so much” Luke hung up the phone to the doctor's office and took a peek down the hallway of the upper story. It was quiet except for Beans who was licking himself in the hall (gross). Luke took the medicine from the cabinet and took it down the hall to Meddows room. 

The room was too quiet that he couldn’t even hear Meddows breathing. Luke gently opened the door to find Meddows bed empty, the covers pulled back and his son gone. “Meddows? Meddows?” Luke called his name through the hall but nothing.

It was strange for Meddows he usually never snuck off, maybe it was the sickness getting to his head. Luke rushed downstairs “Meddows? Where are you?” he called downstairs heading into the living room. 

Meddows was standing in the middle of the living room staring at the floor and seemingly frozen in place. 

“Meddows baby are you okay?” Luke moved closer to his son. He felt something rise in his chest, a feeling of anxiety that couldn’t be explained. “Meddows?” nothing. 

“Daddy?” his voice was quiet and rigid in a way Luke had never heard before.

There was a second of silence before Meddows looked up and he fell to the ground in a loud thump. 

“MEDDOWS!” Luke ran over to his son. 

Meddows was convulsing back and forth, his eyes open and his pupils dilated. Luke bent down to the ground on his knees and took Meddows into his lap. He searched frantically for his phone in his pajama pants and found it finally in his back pocket. 

“999 where is the address of your emergency?”. 

Luke gave their house address frantically almost slipping up his words while still keeping his eyes on Meddows. “M-My son he-he’s convulsing-i-i don’t know what’s wrong” he could barely hear himself over his sobs and also Beans who was whimpering. 

“Okay, sir i’m gonna need you to stay calm an ambulance is on its way” how the fuck did they expect him to remain calm. 

“Please hurry up, please!” Luke was practically begging through the phone. Meddows was still convulsing and his lips turning a deep blue. 

“Sir I need to ask you some questions, how old is your son?”. 

“Fo-Four he’s four years old” the operator's voice was a little soothing but Luke was still freaking. 

“Are his pupils dilated?”. 

“Y-yes they are”. 

“What does he look like right now?” Luke searched for the words to describe the horror he was looking at. 

“He’s still convulsing and-and his lips are blue oh god” he was bent over Meddows small body, holding him under his head. 

“Okay, I need you to turn him on his side and place something under his head” luke searched around and found Meddows grey blanket that was dropped on the floor. He turned a still moving Meddows on his side and placing the blanket with some spit coming out of his mouth.  

Luke’s head was spinning. He tried to focus on the fact that Meddows was alive . Breathing incredibly fast but still breathing. 

Luke listened over his own sobs and heard sirens coming towards him. Meddows finally stopped convulsing and his entire body went limp and his eyes closed “Meddows?!”. He was still breathing but not moving and his body was cold along with his face. 

“Sir, is the door unlocked for the EMT’s to get inside?” the operator was still on the line. 

“Yes, it’s unlocked” Luke placed his phone on his shoulder before taking Meddows into his arms. Holding his head under his arms and holding his legs. The siren was louder and louder and he could hear people running towards the house and men voice talking. “Their here” he spoke into the phone before hanging it up to open the door while still holding his son. 

The paramedics were right outside the front door when he opened it. “Help him please” luke walked towards the gurney that they had set up and placed him on it. The paramedic’s where rushing him into the ambulance while gesturing for Luke to join them. 

“What’s his name?” once they got into the ambulance Luke was balling his eyes out into his hands while the 

Paramedics attacked a heart monitor to Meddows and placing a breathing mask over his face. 

“M-Meddows” luke looked up from his hands to talk while the guy he was talking to handed him a tissue. 

“Does Meddows have a history of seizures?” seizures? Is that what Meddows was having? 

“N-No never, never ever” he shook his head while still looking over at the other paramedics to see what they were doing. “What is that?” he looked over and saw them sucking a liquid out of a bottle and stuck it into his arm. 

“Benzodiazepines” sounded like complete gibberish to Luke and he was even more confused now “It’ll help with the seizures”. It seemed to help because Meddows wasn’t twitching anymore and his heart rate became a normal speed. 

“Is he going to be okay?” Luke’s voice was still shaky and tears stained his cheeks and his eyes a bright red from crying.    

“Most likely, when we get to the hospital the doctors are gonna do some tests and check his over to make sure nothing else is wrong” his voice was calm for the situation. He’d probably did this about ten times before and dealt with many parents like Luke so he was inclined to trust him.  

Luke looked at his son. His small body laid out on a stretched and his pajamas torn from the paramedics checking him. His hair in naps and his hands and legs limp. 

It was horrifying to see him like that. His only son in such pain and turmoil that Luke couldn’t imagine going through himself. How scared Meddows must have been when he didn’t have control of his own body. 

Then Luke remembered something. Something he dreaded doing with his entire body and soul. 

He had to tell Rufus. 

 Meetings. One of the least exciting things about being a rockstar but they had to be done anyway. Rufus wanted nothing but to go home and be with his husband and son. Meddows was sick and it just made him feel like a bad parent for leaving Luke to handle him by himself. 

Justin Hawking, Dan Hawking, Franklin Poullain, their manager and Rufus sat across the table from their recording manager. Their manager was doing most of the talking while all the other members talked every so often and just listened. Rufus wasn’t listening as much as everyone else. 

He was thinking about Meddows and Luke, the two things he thought about every day. Then his phone went off. One time, two times, three times, four times all vibrating in his pants pocket. He peaked underneath his sunglasses to look at his phone that was hidden under the table in his lap. The texts made his blood run cold. 

Lukie Poo (Luke Deacon) 

Luke: Rufus call me 

Luke: Rufus pick up please 

Luke: Meddows had a seizure and is in the hospital

Luke: Please pick up please it’s an emergency 

Luke: please rufus 

“Can I step out for a moment?” Rufus looked up from his phone and up at the meeting and their agent who stopped talking when he spoke up. 

“Sure” their agent nodded his head to excuse him to head outside the room and into the hallway. Rufus took his phone out again and went to Luke’s contact and frantically picked his number to call. Rufus was biting his nails with anxiety as the phone rang. 

He saw Meddows just two hours ago and now his only son was in the hospital with a seizure. He had never seen a seizure in real life other than in movie but he imagined it being terrifying. Then he thought of Luke and how terrified he must have been or even traumatized by it. Luke...pick up, please  

***************************************

 Luke was sitting in the hall of the ER with his head in his lap and arms crossed. He still wore his pajamas that he left on since that morning with hospital socks on his feet so he couldn’t feel the cold ER floor. When he ran out of the house with Meddows in his arms he hadn’t even thought to put on shoes, there was too much adrenaline in his blood to even care. He had nothing else on his mind other than Meddows. 

Rufus still hadn’t picked up after texting and calling him over and over again. The doctors hadn’t let him see Meddows and locked him out of his room no matter how much he cried and begged to see him. He cried and cried even when he had no tears left to cry. 

It reminded him of a memory from long ago. Him and Rufus crying in the maternity ward while holding their dead daughter while they were both crying. That was the only other time he cried as hard as he had now. 

Then his phone went off snapping him out of his tears, it was Rufus. 

“Rufus?”. 

“Luke” his voice was frantic “Thank god you picked up, where’s Meddows? How is he?”. 

“i-I don’t know we’re in the hospital but they-they wouldn't let me see him” Rufus could hear him crying through the phone.             

“Luke, what hospital are you at? I’ll be there soon” Luke gave the address to the ER “Okay, I'm on my way”. He was going to hang up but added something to the message “I love you, Luke”. 

“I-i love you too Rufus” he hung up the phone and rushed back into the conference room. 

“I have to excuse myself, family emergency” Rufus peeked his head into the room and caught the attention of the band and their manager. He rushed out but Dan Hawking followed him down the hall and stopped him before he got to the elevator. 

“Rufus, what’s going on?” Dan asked, standing in front of him to look him in the eyes. 

“It’s-It’s Meddows he-he had a seizure” he was trying to not cry but he fell apart right then and there as the tears started coming. 

“Okay, okay go, go to him” Dan patted his shoulder and let him go. Rufus took the elevator down to the first floor and almost ran to his car. 

He drove to the hospital breaking almost 10 traffic laws but he didn’t really care. He had to get to his son. 

“I am looking for Meddows Taylor, is he here?” Rufus came up to the front desk and was met with a receptionist who seemed in no rush. 

“What is your relation to the patient?” the receptionist asked. 

“I’m his father, where is the i-i just want to see him” he was gripping the desk until his knuckles were white and the receptionist seemed genuinely worried about him. He was expecting to push back, having to fill out papers and beg to see his son. 

“Here take this” she handed Rufus a visitor badge to put on his suit jacket “He’s down the hall”. She pointed him down one of the corridors and he was already on his way down before she could say anything else.    

The rest of the rooms and patients seemed to fade into the background as he walked down the hallway. 

Almost running and the hall never seemed to stop and he saw nothing and nobody. Luke? Meddows? Where are you? 

He wanted to call out but he just couldn’t. 

He ran almost to the end of the hall and saw a hint of something promising. A silhouette of a tall man with curly hair sitting in a chair outside a room. It was Luke. 

As he approached closer he noticed something, he was crying and he looked terrible. “Luke?” Rufus stopped with a few feet between them. Luke brought his head up to look at the man before him and saw Rufus staring down at him. 

“Rufus!” He jumped up from his chair and ran into his arms with a big sob. Rufus held him tight in a bear hug, running his hand through his hair and crying into his shoulder just as Luke was doing. 

“Luke, baby, are you okay?” he pulled away from the hug while holding Luke by the shoulders so tightly that he probably bruised his arm. 

“I-I'm okay” he grabbed onto Rufus’s neck and kissed him passionately like he hadn’t been kissed in years. 

“Where are your clothes?” Rufus looked down at Luke who was wearing an oversized grey shirt that was most likely Rufus’s and some polka-dotted pajama shorts with some blue hospital socks.    

“Didn’t really think to put anything on” his comment made him laugh a little bit. 

“Take this” Rufus took off his suit jacket and wrapped it over his shoulder, he was getting ready to take off his shoes to give to him but Luke stopped him. “Where’s Meddows? Is he okay?” Luke was okay so now he had to find Meddows. 

“He's here” he pointed to the room behind him. The hospital rooms windows were blacked out but he could see light shining through and he couldn’t see or hear Meddows. “I haven’t seen him since he arrived an hour ago but they haven’t let me in” he could hear the pain in Luke’s voice and he opened his arms up for another hug for which Luke accepted happily. 

Everything was fucked. Meddows didn’t deserve this. No child deserved that. Meddows was a kind, happy, loving, exciting child who never harmed anyone. Why did the universe decide to hurt him now? 

He wanted to punch the door and go and grab his son and take him home, but he had to trust the doctors now. Trust that they would take care of him. 

“Luke Taylor?” the couple broke from their embrace and turned to a door next to Meddows room where the doctor was standing. The same doctor that Luke had seen when they arrived at the ER and when they whisked Meddows away.

“Yes?” Luke turned towards the door, wiping his eyes and straightening himself out. 

“I’m Dr. Emerson, it’s about your son” he held out his hand but the couple was frozen in place. 

They would have to face reality now.  If Meddows was okay or not. If he would ever be the same again. 

“Let’s go” Rufus held onto his hand. He looked up at him and nodded his head. 

Luke took a big breath one more time and went forwards towards the door with Rufus holding onto him. 

Meddows? Where are you?      

Where are you my beautiful boy? 

Chapter Text

“Come in, sit, sit” Dr. Emerson gestured for Luke and Rufus to enter his office. Rufus always hated hospital rooms, they were sterile and plain like being trapped in an isolated room. Meddows probably hated it here, he wanted to be home with his toys and his drawings. Speaking of Meddows…… 

“How is he?” Rufus began talking as soon as the door was closed and took a seat on the other side of the table with Luke sitting next to him. 

“Rufus Taylor correct?” The doctor asked, Rufus, nodded his head and felt Luke’s fingernails digging into his arm. 

“Did the tests come back?” Luke remembered the paramedics talking about tests that would tell them what’s wrong. 

“Yes, we did a-” he pulled out a clipboard and started shuffling through some papers when a loud female voice caught their attention from the hallway. 

“What do you mean I can't go back there? Meddows Taylor, I'm his birth mother!” Luke got up from his chair quickly, pulling the door open and looking into the hall. Tigerlily was yelling at the receptionist while throwing her hands in the air, effectively drawing everyone's attention to herself. 

“Tigs!” Luke ran out the room, standing in front of her and receptionist to try to calm her “Let her in” he turned to the receptionist who nodded and handed a still pissed off Tigerlily a visitor badge.

“Thank you for calling me” she pulled her brother in law into a hug. Luke got a better look at her up close, her makeup was a little runny from most likely crying and she was wearing a small dress and a thin jacket. Most likely from a photoshoot that she had skipped as soon as she received a call from Luke. He couldn’t judge since he was standing next to her in pajamas. He made sure to call her after calling Rufus since she was Meddows birth parent. 

Meddows didn’t know that Tigerlily was his mother. To him, she was just her auntie who loved him very much. She came over to hang out with him almost every week for a few hours and he would talk and play with her happily like any other auntie. He didn’t understand how strange his family was. 

Luke wrapped his arm around her shoulders and guided her back to the Dr’s room.   

“Rufus” she ran over to her brother and hugged him, she was feeling the same pain as all of them. The same sinking, broken, terrible feeling that no parent should have to feel 

“This is Tigerlily, Meddows mother” Luke introduced her and Dr.Emerson shook her hand and gave her a kind smile before pulling a chair out for her to sit down. 

“As I was saying” he turned his attention back to his clipboard and scanned over the papers before him before looking back up at the emotionally broken parents. “I would like to ask Tigerlily some questions” he fished out a pen and notepad. 

“Sure, ask me anything” she was suspicious about doctors but would do anything that might help the doctors help Meddows. 

“What was your pregnancy and deliver like?” probably not a very easy question to open up with. Tigerlily took Veronica death just as hard as Luke and Rufus, falling into a depression for a long time and blaming herself for everything that happened.   

“Meddows had a twin sister, Veronica” she could see the doctors surprised expression but went on “She was stillborn but other than that the pregnancy was normal and they were delivered a few days late”. 

“I’m sorry” the doctor could see the discomfort between them. Rufus held Luke’s hand tighter, sensing the sadness he still felt whenever the subject came up “Do any relatives have a history of epilepsy?”.    

“No,” Luke and Tigerlily said at the same time. They both never heard anything about epilepsy from both their sides. 

“Has Meddows ever a lot of staring, not paying attention or breath-holding?” Dr. Emerson was writing all their answers down and looked up to ask their question. 

“I noticed something this morning” Luke spoke up “When I went to pick him up he seemed to go..still” he searched for the words to describe it. “His arms and legs didn’t move and he was just staring ahead and not talking” back then he didn’t think of it as anything serious but it all seemed to make more sense now.

“Has he done that any other time?” Luke shook his head. “Well, the seizure could have been caused by many different factors, like fever, head trauma, or high blood pressure” they all were listening intently. “We didn’t see any of those in Meddows and the blood test came back positive for brain abnormalities but we can’t be sure if epilepsy was the reason”. 

“Why not?” Rufus sat forward, he wanted nothing more than to help Meddows. Why couldn’t the doctors help his son? 

“We can’t diagnose epilepsy unless the seizures happen more than once without a specific cause” they couldn’t give him medication or do anything. Rufus didn’t want to listen to them and neither did Luke, they where his parents and they knew something was wrong. “However we do know that Meddows experienced a compulsory seizure but we do not know the cause” they all just had enough, of people not doing anything and not helping at all. Rufus was getting ready just to walk out and find his son but something stopped him. 

“Dr. Emerson” A nurse came into the meeting room. She looked kind of shook up so whatever she was coming to tell him must have been important. 

“I’m in the middle of something, can this wait” Dr.Emerson looked up from his clipboard and up at the nurse with annoyance.  

“No sir, the patient is conscious” Luke knew she was talking about Meddows, he could just feel it. 

“You can see him now” Dr.Emerson got up and gestured for them to follow him and the nurse. 

Luke was still holding Rufus tightly while Tigerlily was still trying to hold herself together. As they approached the room that Meddows was supposedly they could hear noises that could he hear through the door. Rufus listened closely and hear Meddows soft voice and his sobbing. Now he had to see him. 

“He's here” The nurse stopped in front of the door before slowly opening it up so they could finally see their son. 

As soon as the door opened Luke and Rufus ran like lightning into the room and were greeted by a sobbing Meddows Taylor. 

He was sitting up in bed, connected to many tubes and monitors that made him extremely uncomfortable. He was only wearing a hospital gown and a hospital blanket. 

“DADDY! PAPA!” he was screaming and crying at the top of his lungs. He didn’t know where he was or where his parents were. One day he was at home and now he was in a random room in a place he never saw before. He was terrified. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay baby” Luke ran over to his son, pulling him into a hug and Rufus hugged his other side while rubbing his back and messy blonde hair. His cries muffled as he held onto his parents for dear life. 

“Daddy, papa” he was still crying from the shock of being with his parents again and the wires that were hurting him every time he moved.  

“Can you take these off him?” Rufus turned to the nurse while still holding his son to his chest. She came over and unhooked one of the wires but kept him on the heart monitor because it was the protocol for all seizure patients but he was happy if it made Meddows even a little bit more comfortable. 

“h-Home?” his voice was stiffly and he tried wiping away his tears     

“No honey, you're in the hospital so we can’t go home right now” Luke broke the news to him and could see Meddows face drop-in sadness “But we’ll be able to go home real soon”. 

“Hey buddy” Tigerlily came in, she stayed outside for a few minutes so Luke and Rufus could calm him down. 

“Tiggy!” his ears perked up and he held out his arms for a hug from his favorite auntie. She came over to him and leaned over his hospital bed to hug him and kiss the top of his head. 

“How are you feeling?” He sat on the edge of his bed next to Luke and Rufus. 

“My head hurts” he rubbed his forehead and stretched his arms and legs out on the bed. 

“Luke, Rufus can I talk to you outside for a minute” Dr.Emerson gestured for them to follow him outside. To them, it physically hurt to be apart from Meddows when they just got him back but what other choice did they have. 

“Duckie, we have to go for a minute” Luke turned back to Meddows. His sudden burst of joy faded away when he wrapped his arms around Luke’s waist to stop him from leaving.

“We’ll be back in a minute okay” Rufus kissed his forehead and moved his hands away gently so Luke could move off the crowded bed.

“Love you” Meddows hugged Rufus one last time before he left. 

“I love you too” Rufus held him for a second, not wanting to let go of him. He wanted to hold him and cuddle him till his arms and legs hurt, but he left anyway.

“Sorry I had to pull you away” Dr. Emerson apologizes profusely. Rufus wasn’t in the best mood now but Luke seems calmer and put together. “I just wanted to warn you of a few things” he took a piece of paper from his clipboard and handed two copied to the couple. “Meddows might seem fatigued or disoriented for a few days or a few weeks,” the paper read “Seizure Aftercare” and had several side effects, medications, and warning signs. 

“When will he get to go home?” Rufus spoke up, looking over his shoulder at Meddows through the window. He still seemed a little confused but was perking up a little bit when talking to Tigerlily. 

“If there are no more complications then he should be cleared to go home tomorrow morning” Meddows would be over the moon at the news. He wanted to be at home, in his bed, with his dog and his toys. His happy place. Not a hospital room.  

“Thank you for-” Luke wanted to thank him for everything, for taking care of Meddows and letting them see him. He was going to do that but a loud banshee shriek in the direction of Meddows room. Luke and Rufus turned to Meddows room and saw Tigerlily running from the room with tears running down her face and her hand covering her mouth 

“Tigs! Tigs! Tigerlily what’s wrong?” Rufus held his sister by her shoulder, trying to get something or anything out of her. 

“M-Meddows H-H-He’s” she pointed to his room. He could hear people moving around frantically and people yelling. 

Rufus, Luke, and Dr.Emerson ran to the hospital room and saw the scene before them. Meddows was convulsing on his hospital bed. His eyes wide open and his arms and legs flailing with several nurses watching him, not moving like a deer in headlights. 

“MEDDOWS!” Luke ran towards the bed trying to reach for him but the nurses were blocking his way. 

“Don’t touch him, it will only make it worse” Dr.Emerson pulled him away while Meddows seizure began to slow down and Luke was practically sobbing as he watched on. Rufus bent down to the ground to hold Luke as he cried and tried holding back tears himself.

Rufus wasn’t there when Meddows had his first seizure and he hoped he never would be, not because he didn’t care for Meddows. It was because it seemed so intense and stressing just from what he saw in movies. 

What hurts his heart more than his son having the seizure was for Luke to witness it. Him being all alone not knowing what to do or if his son was dying or not. Luke was happy and fun but also very emotional when it concerned their son or any of their friends and family. It reminded him of when Veronica died and how broken and traumatized he was, now it felt like they were back to square one.

Meddows body went limp when he stopped convulsing, giving the nurses enough time to move him on his side to check his vitals and the rest of his body for injuries. “Luke, Luke, baby it’s okay, it’s okay” Rufus held onto him, running his hands through his hair to calm him and pressing kisses into the side of his face. 

“Wa-What happened?” Luke was crying hysterically, his hands pressed against the floor with Rufus holding him by his waist. 

“The shock from his brain caused him another seizure” Dr.Emerson was completely calm and looking over Meddows who was unconscious and sprawled out across the bed. “He’s stable, just unconscious” He helped Luke off the floor and let him go closer to the bed. 

“I-I d-don’t know what happened” Tigerlily was sat in a chair near the doorway, his face covered in tears “he was fine and then he just started convulsing and-and”.Her voice was shaky with sobs.   

“It’s not your fault Tigs” Rufus turned to his sister while trying to comfort her and Luke. He and Luke were bent over Meddows hospital bed as the nurses kept looking him over.  

“Oh Meddows I’m so sorry” Luke laid his head on his son's chest and crying into his stomach. He blamed himself, as he did for everything that went wrong, He was supposed to take care of Meddows but now look where he was. In a hospital room unconscious.  

“Luke this isn’t your fault” Rufus and Luke laid next to their son with the rest of the world moving around them. Nothing else matters except Meddows and just holding onto him and not letting him go. 

Meddows was unconscious for a few hours (until about midnight) with his parents not leaving his room, not even to eat. Luke was straight-up paranoid about leaving for even a minute since he wanted to be there when Meddows woke up. 

Rufus was the one who had to leave to pack some things at the house for Meddows in cause he had to stay tomorrow as well. Also, he needed food…..he hadn’t eaten all day and neither had Luke. When Meddows was hurt their own needs didn’t matter but they had to eat at some point. Tigerlily left at 11 but promised she would be back in the morning to go check on Meddows. 

Now Luke was all alone with his son. His vitals were stable and his chest was beating up in down in a soft pattern. His posture reminded Luke of him when he was a baby, curled up into his arms and his small face pressed against the blankets. “Meddows?” Luke called out for him in hopes he would wake up or at least move to tell him that he could hear him. No response for a few minutes but then, his arm moved. “Meddows?” he called his name again and saw his blue eyes flutter open through his long eyelashes. 

“Daddy?” Meddows voice was quiet and hoarse but working well.  

“Hey buddy, oh I love you so much” the tears started coming as he hugged him close to his chest and kissed down his face and forehead.  

“I Love you t-to daddy” his voice was a little slurred and his legs were just starting to move a little bit.  

“I love you, I love you, I love you..” he kept repeating it over and over again as he would never say it again. He wanted his son to know it so he always said it every morning and every night. 

Meddows life would be 100% different now. New medications, new diets, new restrictions, and many other things. Luke didn’t want him to have to do that. He should be able to live like every other child, even if his parents were famous and Luke didn’t even want to think about what the media would think. None of that mattered. 

He was with his son and his son was alive. 

Luke wanted to hold onto him forever. This is where Meddows was safe. With him. This is where he belonged. 

With his husband and with his son.  

Chapter Text

Sail away sweet sister

Sail across the sea

Maybe you'll find somebody

To love you half as much as me

My heart is always with you

No matter what you do

Sail away sweet sister

I'll always be in love with you

-Queen 

The entirety of the Taylor family was cuddled together between two hospital beds. Rufus with his arms wrapped around his husband Luke on one of the beds and Meddows turned on his side with Luke holding him to his chest as close as he could. Meddows had monitors and IV’s attached to his arms as he slept. Their room and the rest of their hospital wing was quiet, almost too quiet for a busy hospital in London. Meddows wouldn't be waking up for a long, long time. His mind and body were exhausted from the seizures that usually cause drowsiness and fatigue. Beautiful boys need their beauty sleep.

Rufus was barechested with some long pajama pants and Luke wore an oversized Pajama shirt and pants. His old pajama thrown in a bag, the same clothes that he wore when Meddows had his seizure. He couldn't picture himself wearing them again after all he had experienced.           

“Meddows, wake up” Luke was the one to awaken his son. He wanted to let him sleep longer but the nurse asked him to wake him up so she could draw his blood. 

“Daddy, I'm tired” meddows held onto Luke’s arm as he sat up. He was still half asleep with his eyes still closed and his body refusing to get up. 

“I know honey, just let the nurse take some blood and then you can go back asleep” Luke pulled him sitting up just enough for the nurse to get closer to him. 

“Do they have to?” he looked up at Luke with big puppy dog eyes, he hated getting his blood drawn and always tried to avoid doing it. 

“Yes Meddows they do, just stay still and I'll hold your hand” Meddows gave in hesitantly. He held out his arm for the nurse to draw from and help Luke’s hand for dear life. He winced as the needle pierced his skin and his blood filled two vials for the doctors to test and he finally loosened his grip on Luke’s hand when she was finished. 

“Morning beauties” Rufus awoke with a big yawn and propped himself up on his elbows to look at his husband and his son. 

“Goodmorning” Luke smiled at him and leaned down to give him a good morning kiss and hug. 

“Good Morning papa” Meddows crawled across Luke's lap to kiss and hug Rufus. 

“Morning buddy” his voice was bright and energetic in an attempt to boost his sons' spirits “did you sleep well?”. 

“Yeah” he nodded his head and lay back down in between his parents. 

“Go back to sleep duckie” luke laid his head against Meddows forehead whispering in his ear and let him fall back asleep. Luke and Rufus got up to let him sleep a little bit before they got any other information about whether they could go home or not.  

“Notice anything about him in his sleep?” Rufus asked he was holding Luke in a hug and kissing him on his temple.      

“Nope, he slept like death” Luke looked over at an already sleeping Meddows. 

“He’s acting a lot more energetic, that’s a good sign” Rufus tried to sooth Luke as much as possible. He could tell how worried he was and Rufus was as well but Luke was downright paranoid. He was awoken more than one by Luke checking on Meddows in the middle of the night. 

“Goodmorning” Dr.Emerson knocked on the door before entering. 

“Morning” Rufus and Luke greeted him good morning and looked over at Meddows who didn’t seem to stir at his entrance.  

“I have some information about Meddows” he gestured for them to join them outside so Meddows could have a quiet place to sleep. 

They stepped outside into the hallway where everybody was starting to awake and the doctors and nurses were just arriving for their shifts. “I diagnosed Meddows with generalized epilepsy and prescribed him some medication to help the seizures” he handed Luke a bottle and went over what it did and some of the side effects. 

“Will these be safe for him?” Rufus asked, looking over the bottle and all the little writing on it.       

“Yes, decides from maybe some side effects” he was looking over some papers and then back up at them “According to these tests Meddows will be discharged as soon as he’s awake” the news was a breath of fresh air for Luke, Rufus and Meddows as well. Meddows hated the hospital and missed his house and his room. 

“Thank you for everything” Rufus thanked him kindly. He helped Meddows and did as much as he could so he appreciated him for that. 

“Thank you” luke shook the doctor's hand and then went back into Meddows room as he just started waking up again. 

“Hey buddy, we have some good news” Rufus took a seat next to him on the bed. 

“What is it?” he sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes and stretching his arms out. 

“You get to go home today” as soon as Rufus announced it Meddows was ecstatic, he had a big toothy grin and clapped his hands together.

“Really?” Meddows stood up on the bed and jumped into Rufus’s arms.

“Yes, let’s go get you ready” Luke sat on the bed and held him while smiling up at him, it was a relief to see him happy when he hadn’t in such a long time. 

“Go with daddy and get dressed” Rufus unhooked his monitors with the help of the nurse and Meddows ran off with Luke for him to get dressed. 

“Knock, knock” while Meddows was busy getting dressed a voice came from outside. 

“Come in,” Rufus said from the bed where he was waiting. Cameron Deacon, Delilah Mercury, and Tegan Mercury came into the room holding balloons, toys, and other gifts. 

“Just thought we’d stop by” Cameron walked in with the balloons with his usual happy and energetic smile and attitude.    

“It’s great to see you guys” Rufus got up from the bed to hug his family members and bent down to hug little angel Tegan. 

Tegan was Delilah’s daughter and Freddie Mercury's granddaughter. She bared an uncanny resemblance to Delilah with the same long brown hair and dough brown eyes. She had been best friends with Meddows since she was born. Her second word was “Medews” in an attempt to say his name and she still had some trouble saying it now. 

“She wouldn’t stop crying unless I brought her” Delilah pulled Rufus into a hug while holding onto Tegan who was practically trying to break free of her mother's grasp so she could search for her best friend. 

“Where is the little rascal?” Cameron was looking around the room for any sign of Meddows or his nig brother. 

“MEDDOW!” Tegan screamed, running from Delilah as soon as Meddows stepped one foot out of the bathroom. She was so much smaller than him but she managed to almost knock him down when she ran into him in a big bear hug. 

“TIA!” Tia was the nickname Meddows gave her and she pulled her into a hug, lifting her off the ground and twirling her around. Rufus, Luke, and Delilah watched from the sidelines at their cute little reunion. “CAMERON!” after he let go of Delilah the little boy ran over to Cameron who was waiting with open arms. 

“Hey, little man” Cameron hugged his nephew and lifted him off the ground to spin him around and filled the room with his joyous laughter. 

“Thank you guys for coming” Luke came out and hugged everyone tightly. Both Meddows and Luke needed this time to spend with family and relax after all the stress caused by the seizure. Luke could see grey hairs appearing in his hair just from everything that happened over the last two days.  

“It’s no problem Luke, just wanted to make sure your okay” Delilah hugged him again. She could see the stress in his face and in the way his body seemed slugged down with tiredness. 

“I’ll be okay..in a little while” he wasn’t going to lie and say he was 100% okay but he would be eventually. 

He looked over at Meddows who was playing with Tegan. He looked happy and healthy for once in a long time. 

Rufus stood next to him and looked at their son with him. It was a weird moment of calm in the storm that seemed to be calming down after everything that had happened. “I love you, you know that right?” Rufus leaned his head against Luke’s forehead in a comfortable embrace. 

“I know and I love you too” he kissed Rufus on the cheek and then his lips. He wanted to go home. Be home in his own bed cuddled up with Rufus and Meddows. Playing with Bean and sipping tea in the morning while Meddows was getting ready for school. 

That’s where they belonged. 

After a little while of visiting Luke and Rufus packed up the rest of Meddows’s things and took him home. 

Finally free from the hospital, the doctors, and that terrible hospital food.   

The outside world was almost foreign to them by now. Fresh air and no sterile white rooms. 

The beauty of the world outside reminded Luke of everything they missed while Meddows was in the hospital. Meddows never wanted to be sick again. Luke and Rufus would make sure he would never get sick again. 

Even though it was out of their control, Luke would protect Meddows. He had to protect Meddows.  

“I think he’s finally asleep” Rufus was looking at the baby monitor on their bedside table that showed an adorable sleeping Meddows. Luke was laying next to him with his arms around his shoulder holding him tight. It took Meddows a little while to adjust back to being back at home but it felt good to fall asleep in his own bed. 

Rufus and Luke read to him every night and always kissed him goodnight and tucked him in. Meddows fell asleep to Luke reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (because Luke insisted he read Meddows the entire Harry Potter series). 

“He needs it” Luke buried his face in the crook of his neck, yawning as sleep began to take him over. 

“You need it also, you’ve been so stressed these past few days” Rufus played with his hair, rubbing the spot he always likes. 

“Yeah I kind of have but thank you for not being annoying these last few days” he was half-joking half-serious. Rufus had been his rock in these times of needs and that seemed to make all the difference. 

“All in a day's work” he giggled with his husband and rolled Luke over till he was laying on top of his chest.  

“I love you butthead” Luke smiled up at Rufus and kissed him goodnight. 

“I love you too Beavis” he kissed him back and turned off the lights so they could finally sleep after a busy day. 

Though the silence was short-lived.  

“Daddy? Papa?” a small voice said into the couple's bedroom. 

“Annnddd there it is” Rufus had been expecting this to happen but that didn’t make it any less annoying.  

“Ah, the joys of parenthood” Luke rolled over and turned on the lights. Meddows was standing in their doorway with his blanket wrapped around him and his duck toy tucked between his arms. “Hey, baby, what’s wrong?” Meddows walked closer to them and climbed into their bed.  

“Couldn’t sleep” He sat between Rufus and Luke and cuddled up close to them.

“Okay, you can sleep in our bed for tonight” Rufus ran his hands through his son’s hair and kissed his temple. 

“Okay, goodnight daddy, goodnight papa” Meddows kissed his parent's goodnight and laid down to try and fall asleep again. 

He made if 5 minutes before rolling over on his side next to Luke and crawled on top of his chest. 

“Daddy?” Meddows shook his awake. 

“Yes, deary” Luke rubbed his eyes awake, just wanting to appease Meddows so he could finally get some sleep. 

“Why doesn't tiggy live with us?” his question made Luke sit up a little bit so he could see his sons expression. 

“Because auntie tiggy has her own house, so why would she live with us?” maybe he just wanted for her to live with them so he could spend more time with her. 

“Well she’s my mommy isn’t she?” oh shit. Neither Luke, Rufus, Tigerlily, Delilah or anybody had told him she was his mother. So how the hell could he know this? 

“Yes, she is honey, who told you this?” Luke broke it to him slowly, starting to feel bad about not telling him now. 

“Kids at school” Of course people were telling him things. He and Rufus should have told him, not some random person “Why doesn't she lives with us when all the other kids' mommies live with them?”.  

“Because you're me and your papas baby” he knew he would have to answer these questions at some point but he just wished Rufus was awake to help him. 

“What does that mean?” he wasn’t really catching onto what he was laying down. 

“Well I and your papa fell in love a long time ago and before we got married we decided we wanted to have a baby. So your auntie tiggy decided she wanted to have our baby and then she had you” he pointed to Meddows and saw how he slowly began to understand.     

“So am I your baby or tiggy's baby?” sometimes luke wished Meddows wasn’t such a curious kid. 

“Your our baby because we wanted to keep you but tiggy still loves you very much”. 

“Do other children have daddy’s and papas?”.

“Yes some do, we should go meet some other time” Luke could understand how he may feel isolated or strange from all the other kids or parents. If he had gay parents himself he would feel strange as well. 

“Do I need to have a mommy?”.     

“No duckie you don’t, plus mommies are overrated” he made Meddows giggle a little bit. 

“Yeah, mommies are overrated” meddows repeated back and smiled as he lay back down and cuddled up close to Luke again “I like having a daddy and a papa”. 

“And we love having you as our son” he held Meddows in his arms and kissed his temple. 

Luke wished he could be like Meddows. Free-spirited and good at heart that he didn’t care what others thought of him or his life.     

That’s what he got from Rufus, his loving personality. 

Meddows would keep asking these kinds of questions all his life. They wouldn’t get any easier to answer.

He had to hope Meddows would be okay with them. That he wouldn’t despise them for giving him a strange life. 

Meddows would be okay, right? Right? 

Chapter Text

Las palabras de amor

Let me hear the words of love

Despacito, mi amor

Touch me now

Las palabras de amor

Let us share the words of love

For evermore, evermore

For evermore

“Daddy? Papa?” Meddows poked his head over his parents' bed, gently poking their feet to try and wake them with no result. “Daddy, Papa!” He jumped and shook the bed to try and wake them up.

“Ughh” Rufus moaned as he rolled over onto Meddows without even realizing. 

“Papa! You're on meee!” Meddows struggled out from under him and shook Luke awake. 

“Goodmorning, did you mess with papa?” Luke sat himself up on his elbows and looked on at Meddows who was pocking Rufus with his hand. 

“We have to get him up, it’s a special day!” He shook him again and finally woke him up. 

“Mind telling us what’s so important” Rufus turned over and cuddled his son, he knew exactly what day it was but he just wanted to mess with him. 

“You know what it is” Meddows climbed out of his grip and sat between Rufus and Luke. 

“No, we don’t” Luke tickled him, deciding to play along with Rufus. 

“IT’S MY BIRTHDAY” Meddows yelled, jumping on the bed and raising his hands above his head in excitement. 

“Is it really your birthday?” Rufus sat up and took a jumping Meddows into his arms. 

“Yep,” he jumped in his arms with a big goofy smile on his face. 

“How old are you now?” Luke scooted closer to him. 

“I’m..” he counted on his fingers “five years old” he held up four fingers instead of five. 

“Uhh, do you mean your this many old” Luke corrected his fingers to five. 

“Ohh...Yeah five!” his mistake didn’t damper his mood at all and he held his parent's hand to try and drag them out of bed.

“Do you know what we’re gonna do for your birthday?” Luke scooted out of bed and pulled Rufus up with him. 

“I don’t know..something birthday-ey” he shrugged, still practically jumping up and down from excitement. 

“Well we're going to-” Rufus got up and picked Meddows up over his shoulder to make him giggle “go to the park, get cake-”. 

“Cake!” he clapped his hands together. 

“And hang out with Tegan and you get presents,” Meddows told them what he wanted to do for his birthday a few weeks ago. He didn’t want a big party like he had the last few years. He just wanted to hang out with his parents and Tegan with a nice day out. Or as nice a day you could have in the middle of a cold London December. 

“We also have a surprise for you today” Luke stood up next to his husband and his son. 

“Really! What is it?!” he reached out for Luke while still being held up by Rufus. 

“It’s not a surprise if we tell you big boy” Rufus put him down on the bedroom floor “We’ll tell you by the end of the day, okay?”.

“Okay, can I have pancakes for breakfast?” his mind wandered off the surprise and onto his favorite thing in the entire world: food. 

“Tegan!” Meddows ran into her arms as soon as she walked into the house. She was dressed in a nice sundress for the special occasion and her long black hair was tied up in some cute pigtails. 

“Mewdows!” still couldn’t say his name but she was trying. 

“Tegan looks nice” Luke went to greet Delilah and Rami (Malek) as they dropped Tegan off. 

“She picked it out all by herself,” Rami said, looking down at Tegan as she and Meddows were playing. 

“Well she looks very festive” Rufus popped out of nowhere next to Luke and wrapped his arm around his waist.  

“So what are you guys gonna be doing today?” Delilah asked, holding onto her husband.

“Meddows wanted to go to the amusement park then get some cake and then the family’s coming over for presents, you can come over as well,” Luke explained. 

“Yeah, we’ll definitely be over,” Delilah said and called over Tegan “Have a nice time with Meddows okay?”. 

“Okay, bye mommy,” Tegan said bye to her parents “Bye daddy” she hugged both of them before they left to have a nice day out without their daughter. 

“Daddy, Papa, can we go now?” Meddows tugged at Luke’s pant leg. Holding an even more excited Tegans hand, looking readier than ever. 

“Okay, okay, let's get going,” Luke said. 

“YAY!” The two excitable children yelled as they pulled their shoes on and practically dragged them out of the house.   

****************************

“That one!” Tegan pointed to a ride she wanted to go on and one she was old enough to go on. 

“Yeah, let’s go on that one!” Meddows wanted to go as well. 

“Okay let’s get in line” Luke held onto Meddows hand while Rufus held Tegan on top of his head. Tegan was a joy to be around, she was quiet but very friendly and polite for just being two years old. Rufus and Luke didn’t have any problem bringing her and she made Meddows happy. 

“Are you having fun duckie?” Rufus asked as they stood in line. 

“YES, I like all the rides and the games and the-” he then went on and on about all the things he loved about today, from the rides to the clothes he was wearing. 

“Meddows you sit with me and Tegan will sit with papa” They boarded the ride and Meddows sat on Luke’s lap and Tegan sat on Rufus’s lap so she wouldn’t fall out. 

“WEEEE” Both children yelled as the ride started. Meddows blonde hair flowing in the wind with a wide grin on his face.

His face was nothing but pure joy and excitement. Luke looked down at his son who was smiling up at him with his hands in the air. Him being happy made Luke happy and he could see the joy on Rufus’s face as well. 

It didn’t feel like five years. Five years since Meddows was born into the world with a big screech that even god would be annoyed with him. Five years since Luke first held him in his arms with him still covered in fluid (gross). Five years since Veronica di-

1. No, no, no, no. He will not think of Veronica today. He will not ruin his mood on Meddows big day. 

“Daddy?” Luke snapped out of it once he realized the ride had stopped and he had zoned out with Meddows still in his lap. 

“Sorry honey, let’s go on another ride okay” Luke apologized to his son and helped him get off the ride. As they walked away from the ride Rufus took his hand in his and gave him a look that said, “Are you okay?”. Luke nodded. Rufus could tell something was on his mind but he didn’t want to push so as not to ruin the mood.           

“Are you okay?” Rufus finally asked him out loud once the kids and then we're sitting down at the parks benches eating ice cream (in the middle of winter, but meddows insisted). 

“Kind of but..I’ll get over it” Luke looked up from his lap at Rufus who was sitting next to him on the bench while Tegan and Meddows ate their ice cream across from them. 

“Well, are you excited for tonight?” Luke knew exactly was happening tonight but Meddows didn’t. 

“Of course I am, it’s a big deal” the thought caused him to smile and hold his hand.

“What are you talking about?” Meddows pokes his nose into their conversation.

“It’s about your surprise honey, but we’re still not telling you,” Rufus said firmly.

“I’ll figure it out someday,” Meddows said suspiciously and then went on to gossip to Tegan about what he thought it could be. Tegan just listened. She wanted to be a good friend..also she knew 20 words but she tried to help.

“Happy birthday!” Everyone yelled as Meddows walked into the house with his parents and Tegan following close behind. Almost half of their families were there, Rufus’s siblings, his dad, and his mom. Luke's siblings, his nieces and nephews, and his mother. Delilah and Rami were also in attendance. 

Tegan went to join her parents while Meddows ran over to the rest of the family to say hello. 

“GRANDMA!” He went sprinting when he saw grandma Deacon and ran into her arms. 

“Oh hey my sweet little boy, did you grow taller?” Veronica took him into her arms and hugged him. Meddows shook his head no, she only saw him a week ago but maybe he did grow (he always was tall for his age). 

“Robert!” Luke walked towards the crowd and saw his oldest brother Robert with his wife and children “So glad you could make it”. He hugged him tightly and said hello to his children and wife. They were so much bigger than the last time he saw them just a few months ago. He rarely got to see his brother since he lived a few hours away and was always busy with his own family.  

“Didn’t wanna miss it” He took Luke under his shoulder and pulled him away so they could talk “So how have you and Rufus been?”. Robert didn’t really have an opinion on Rufus. Of course, when they started dating he was suspicious of Rufus and his rocker lifestyle but after meeting him a few times he realized he could trust him with his baby brother. He respected him, for taking care of Luke and being a great father for Meddows. 

“We’ve been great, being parents doing parenting-stuff” he didn’t really know how to explain it. Since Meddows was two things seem to be going almost too well, Luke was off his medication and out of therapy. Rufus hasn’t had an ADHD episode in years and their music careers were doing better than ever. Bean was still licking his own butt (still gross).   

“Well, Meddows seems happy and energetic” Robert looked over at their family. Meddows was playing with his children. He reminded him of Luke when he was a kid, friendly, energetic, and an all and all good kid. 

“Yeah, he’s a good kid, haven't traumatized him yet” Luke joked. 

“Hey have more faith in yourself, you're a good parent and so is Rufus” Roger patted his brother on the back. Luke always joked he was a bad parent but something always told him that he really was. 

“Daddy! Can we have cake now?!” Meddows ran into Luke and hugged his legs while jumping up and down. At that moment he felt like a complete idiot for thinking he was a bad parent. 

“In a minute okay?” that was enough for a blonde-haired boy to run back with the rest of the group. 

“Should we join them?” Robert looked at his brother.

“Probably, before Meddows gets to the cake” the brother laughed together and walked towards the party.

-1 cake later….

“We should have gotten a smaller cake,” Rufus said. 

“Yeah, probably” Luke had to agree. When they say Meddows ate a lot of cake they mean he ate enough to feed 5 people. He only got sweets on special occasions so when he got sweets he had a tendency to go all out. Especially on cakes and pies. 

There is nothing wrong with eating sweets except for when it's an energetic now five-year-old. “PAPA” He flew into Rufus's arms still in his sugar high. 

“Okay buddy I think you’ve had enough for tonight” Rufus swings him over his shoulder and spun him around as Luke started cleaning up. “I think this one needs a bath” he walked over to Luke with Meddows still over him. 

“Probably, I'm gonna get cleaned up over here” he hated cleaning but it needed to be done. He gave Rufus a little peck on the cheek before returning to his cleaning.

He heard bath water splashing from the bathroom and giggling from both Meddows and Rufus. 

“What are you two doing in here?” Luke peaked his head in the bathroom. Meddows was covered in bubbles playing with a rubber duck and Rufus's hair was wet from most likely being splashed. 

“He's still a little racy” Rufus looked up with his wet hair sticking to his face.

“Yeah, I can see that” he stepped into the room. 

“Come on out duckie” Rufus picked him up out the tub with his yellow duck towel and rubbed him dry “I’ll get him changed, then we can go talk to him”. He said to Luke, they had something very important they had to tell him. 

“Duckie, come over here, we need to talk to you” Luke was sitting at the kitchen table and Rufus brough Meddows over to sit across from his parents. 

“What is it?” Meddows climbed onto the tall chair, his legs hanging over the edge and his blonde wet hair falling on his shoulders. 

“Meddows” Rufus held his hand “Did you notice anything about auntie Tiggy?”. 

“Noo” He shook his head and looked between his parents for any hint at what they were going to tell him. 

“Nothing at all?” Luke pushed a little more, Meddows had hung out with her for most of the party so he should have noticed something.  

“Uh-uh,” he shook his head again. Rufus looked up at Luke giving him the signal it was time for them to spill the beans. 

“Honey, we have something to show you” Luke pulled out the picture and showed it to him for him to process. 

“What’s that?” Meddows pointed at the photo, Luke and Rufus didn’t expect him to know what it was. 

“That is ahead and that’s it’s a body” Rufus pointed out parts of the picture and had a big smile on his face as his son slowly began to realize what he was looking at. 

“Is it a baby?” Meddows looked up at his parents who were smiling down at him with joy. 

“Yes honey that’s a baby, that’s gonna be your new sibling” Rufus waited for some sort of reaction of Meddows. Joy or shock or sadness, anything. 

“A new brother or sister?” Meddows asked, still focusing on the picture which turned out to be an ultrasound photo from a week ago. 

“Your gonna have a little brother,” Luke said and breathed a sigh of relief once he saw a smile appear over Meddows when he got the news.

“Really?!” Meddows stood up on his chair with nothing but happiness and joy at the fact that he was going to become a big brother. 

“Yes really!” both Rufus and Luke said at the same time and Meddows got down from the table and hugged them. 

“Are you happy?” Luke asked as he held Meddows who was smiling against his hug. 

“YES, I’m gonna be the best big brother in the world!” he jumped up and down in his parent’s arms. 

“Yes, Yes you are” Rufus kissed the top of his head and just held him here. 

Rufus and Luke had kept this secret for four months. Tigerlily was four months pregnant and the only people who knew where Rufus, Luke, Roger, their mother Debbie and now Meddows. 

They kept it hidden for a reason. Luke and Rufus wanted it that way. It was because of what happened with Meddows birth. However, after all that, they still wanted another child and they were going to have another child. 

Rufus was happy and so was Luke, he was still terrified though for his own mental health and their babies healthy. 

Another beautiful baby boy. Another child. 

Another amazing/terrifying/scary/exciting few months ahead.

Chapter Text

5 months pregnant, size of a bell pepper….. 

Did we leave our way behind us

Such a long long way behind us

Who knows when now who knows where

Where the light of day will find us

Look for the day

“Why isn’t she breathing?”. 

“Where is she?”. 

“I don’t know, they just took her from me”. 

“I’m sorry”.

“Veronica is dead, i’m sorry”. 

“This is a dream”. 

“Why did they take her?”. 

“She was so innocent”.

Veronica? Where are you baby? Where are you? Why can’t i see you? 

Daddy? 

Veronica? Veronica? VERONICA? 

“Where are you? Where are you? VERONICA!” 

“LUKE! Luke, Luke, baby wake up, it’s just a dream baby, wake up” Rufus held him down in bed, trying to stop him from hurting himself as he convulsed all around the bed.

“No, no, no, no it’s not a dream” Luke tried breaking free of his grasp and failed. His eyes still closed and his mind still stuck in the dreamlike it was real. 

“Luke I’ve got you, you can wake up now” he let go of his wrists and wrapped his arm around his waist and stroked his hair to try and calm him. After a few seconds of struggling and screaming Luke finally seemed to calm down and his body went limp in Rufus’s arms. “Luke, baby are you okay?” he sat him up on the bed against the headboard and held his head in his arms. 

Luke was in a cold sweat and he could only move his eyes slowly to look up at Rufus who was still holding him “Rufus?”.  

“Yes, it’s me, baby, I’m right here” he rocked him slowly back and forth in his arms and wiped his forehead with a towel that was tucked in the bedside drawer. 

“Rufus I-I” he broke down in tears and buried his head in his chest. His breath hyperventilating and his handshaking. 

“It’s okay Luke, It’s okay just let it out” Rufus had no idea what to do. He didn’t want to make Luke talk about it yet so all he really could do was hold him and whisper sweet nothings in his ear. Hoping that Meddows didn’t hear or wake up.  

Luke didn't know if he was still dreaming or not, what was real and what wasn't. Was he in bed with Rufus or still in that world of dreams where he could hear a little girls voice calling out for him? Nightmares were some of the scariest things. 

This was a different kind of nightmare, not one like Meddows where he climbed into his parents' bed for comfort. Luke had to get himself out of this hell hole.

Luke didn’t calm down for a long time, a few hours in fact until the sun rose up above the hills and shined bright orange light into their bedroom and onto Luke and Rufus. Luke still shaking and his mind still so far away.

“I’m sorry” Luke finally spoke and was able to move his body even if it just a little bit. 

“Luke it’s okay, it was just a bad dream” Rufus kissed his temple and the top of his head while stroking circled into his palms. 

“No, Rufus it was more than that” he sat up in bed and turned to look at his husband straight in the eyes. Luke looked... confused, and disoriented. 

“Do you wanna talk about it...we don't have to if you don't want to” Rufus added quickly behind it. 

“No, I'm telling you about it, you deserve to know” his heart was still pumping out of his chest but maybe all Rufus wanted to do was help him “I was thinking about our son”. 

“Which one?” Meddows or the son they were expecting but still hadn’t given a name.  

“Our new baby” he held Rufus’s hand tighter “I’m scared Rufus... I’m scared that what happened to Veronica is going to happen to him-”. 

“Oh honey, it’s normal to be scared” he ran his hands in his hair and wiped the tears that just started flowing “I’m scared to”. 

“Really?” Rufus was so charismatic in a way that he never showed how scared or nervous he really was.   

“Yes honey, but you know what doesn't make me scared?” Luke listened closely “I just think about holding our son, look at him and picturing how beautiful he’ll be”. 

“Yeah, I bet he will be beautiful...I just feel bad” he rubbed his eyes that were now bright red from crying.  

“For what?” Rufus asked. 

“I-i don’t wanna get attached to him in case..something happens” his voice was shaky “But I can't help it, I feel connected to him just like how I did Meddows and Veronica”. 

“That’s what’s so amazing about you, you can feel him in a way I never could like he’s a part of you” Rufus scooted closer to him and wrapped his arm around his waist. 

“How long until he comes?”. 

“Three months”. 

“Oh, I don’t want to give him a name yet, not until he’s born in case something happens”  he looked down at his hands with guilt like he had done something wrong. 

“Okay, that’s okay, we don’t have to name him or talk about the baby right now until your ready. 

“Thank you for understanding Rufus, I’m gonna go back to bed” Luke crawled back into bed and wrapped the covers around himself like a warm hug under the softness and felt Rufus join him by wrapping his arms around his chest and holding him close. 

“I love you Lukie, and I love Meddows and I love our son” Rufus kissed the side of his face over and over again as he felt his husband's body relax beneath him. 

“I love you too Rufus, and our sons even if I’m scared”. 

“I know Luke, I know you do”. 

“Daddy, Papa look at what I drew!” Meddows came running into the house after school, his bad swung over his shoulder and a piece of paper crunched in his hand. He jumped onto the couch where the couple was relaxing. 

“Wow, it’s really colorful” Luke looked at his picture as Meddows sat between their laps. 

“It’s really nice honey” Rufus played with his son's blonde hair and looked at his picture. 

“Oh, I’ll go get the other ones!” Meddows climbed off the couch and raced upstairs, leaving luke and Rufus a minute alone.  

“We have the most adorable kid,” Luke said. 

“Agreed” Rufus wrapped his arm around his shoulder. 

“Let’s have another one!” Luke shouted out loud in a half-joking half-serious way. It took Rufus a minute to figure out the serious half. 

“Are you serious?” Rufus stopped laughing and sat up to look at Luke more clearly. 

“Yeah, why not?” It was such a serious thing that was being brought up like it was nothing, in true Luke fashion.

“What made you think of that?”. 

“I don't know, Meddows just seems so grown up and I miss having a little one around” he looked down at his palms, this was the first time he ever time anybody about these thoughts. “If you don't want any more children I think we could-”.

“Luke shut up, of course, I want more kids” Rufus had always planned on having more than one kid. Someone for Meddows to play with (or get annoyed with most likely) since there both grew up in such big families. Having lots of kids just seemed natural. 

“Okay, wanna have a baby?” Luke asked casually. 

“Sure,” Rufus said, shrugging his shoulders as he heard Meddows get pitter-pattering on the stairs as he came downstairs. 

Thought and idea always sounded better in thoughts than when acted out in real life. Luke woke up a few hours later with on alarm going off for once, it was the weekend so he and Rufus would have Meddows all to themselves for the weekend. Meddows was still asleep when he woke up and Rufus was just starting to get up as well. “Good Morning beautiful” Rufus kissed the top of his head romantically and rubbed his back.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Luke rolled over and looked up at his husband as his eyes adjusted to the light of his room.   

“Can’t I be nice to you when you have nightmares” Rufus laid his head on his chest and played with his hair.

“No, your never nice to me” Luke poked fun at him and sat up on the bed.

“Well I am today, so appreciate it” Rufus kissed his jaw before getting up to go get Meddows. 

Luke sat there for a minute, trying to collect himself after the territory he had experienced last night. It was unlike any dream he had before, it was vivid and almost lifelike. He almost believed it was real...almost.  

“Daddy!” Rufus came in carrying Meddows over his shoulder, Meddows was giggling and reaching for Luke as they approached the bed. 

“Morning duckie” Luke took his son into his arms and tickled his neck to make him laugh. 

“Morning” Meddows wrapped his arms around his neck and cuddled into him. Luke was still shaken up from his dream but he wasn’t going to let his mood get in the way of spending time with Meddows. 

“Did you sleep well?” Luke played with his hair and could see Rufus smiling at them from the bathroom. 

“Uh-huh,” Meddows nodded his head and stood up on the bed to jump around. 

“I see you in a good mood today” Rufus scooped his son up in his arms and twirled his around “let’s go get breakfast okay?”. 

“YAY” Meddows clapped his hands together, at the fact he was getting breakfast and for getting picked up by his papa.     

“I’ll join you guys in a minute” Luke called out for them, Rufus nodded his head before carrying Meddows downstairs. 

Luke sat alone in his bedroom. He looked up at his hands and then up at the white ceiling for no particular reason. “Come on Luke, pull yourself together” he muttered to himself, running his hands through his messy hair. His head hurt and he couldn't think straight, it was his dream.

It was his dream, it was his thoughts. It was everything. It was past. 

And the past was over and down with. In his mind, it never would be over. 

“Is she taking the test today?” Luke was sitting on the passenger's side of Rufus's car as they made their way home to a very energetic 4-year-old. 

“Yep, she said she'll call later today” Rufus glanced over at Luke. He could see his hands twitching with excitement and nervousness. 

It was the time of the month for tiger lily to take her pregnancy test to find out if they were having another child. Their second try was a lot more difficult than with Meddows and Veronica. For then they only had to be insinuated once and they found out about two weeks later. 

This time Tigerlily was in her second round of insemination and still didn't know if she was pregnant yet. they both knew it would most likely take more time, even with the twins they were still mindful of that. They knew all this but were still annoyed at how long it was taking. Luke was the most nervous, just wanting to know right then and there. 

He wanted to know if they even had a chance at having another child (Was his semen cursed?). If this time didn’t work Luke was tempted to just give up if this time didn’t work but Rufus never would give up. 

Lukes phone went off in his pocket, the caller ID reading: Tigerlily! 

“It’s Tigerlily” Luke looked at his phone and back up at Rufus who looked very interested in what they may be talking about.  

“Put it on speaker,” Rufus said and Luke answered the call and put the volume on full so they both could hear. 

“Hey Tigs,” Luke said into the phone, he could hear shuffling and moving on the other side of the line. 

“Hey Luke, is Rufus with you?” Tigerlily spoke. 

“Yeah he’s next to me, is something wrong?” Luke asked, he could hear some anxiousness in her voice and she sounded to be pacing based on how much ruffling he could hear.

“No nothing wrong, I just took the test” The test. The test that they all had been excited but also scared at the same time.

“Did you get the results yet?” Rufus but in over the phone. 

“Not yet, it’ll be ready in a minute” she sounded just a nervous as everyone else. She was affected by Veronica’s death just as much as Rufus and Luke and went through a long phase of postpartum depression afterward.  

“Luke” Rufus pulled up to the driveway of their house and grabbed onto Luke’s hand for comfort “it’ll be okay”. 

“It’s ready” their moment was interrupted by Lily coming back into the call and they could hear a door opening and then the sound of her picking something up, most likely a pregnancy test.  

“Tigs, what does it say?” Rufus couldn’t bear the silence of the call, he just wanted to know. 

“It’s...positive” she paused for a second and then finally gave the good news. 

“HELL YAH!” Rufus celebrated louder than he expected that made Luke jump a little bit in his seat and laugh in surprise and joy. “Come here” he took Luke into his arms and kissed the top of his head and ruffled his hair. 

“Congratulations!” Tigerlily said. 

“Congratulations to you, your the one who’s gonna be pushing it out,” Luke said, pulling Rufus into a kiss and kept back happy tears. 

“Ah, Lukie are you crying” Rufus half teased him and half comforted him, kissing him again and holding him close. 

“No, no I'm not..” he lied and wiped away his tears. They were happy tears but also tears of fear and worry. He thought of what their unborn child could be. Was it a boy or a girl? Where are they having twins again? (god help him if he did). Luke didn’t want it to be a girl, anything but a girl. 

His heart hurt at the thought of even loving his child any less if it was a girl. However, he knew it might happen. Even though he didn’t want it to…

********************************

Meddows Taylor walked into his bedroom on the upper floor of the house. His parents were busy doing something else so it was the perfect opportunity for him to sneak away. He pushed the door open with his body weight as slowly as he could and walked towards his toy box of the other side of his room. 

He propped open the box lid and pulled out a toy near the bottom, practically falling into the box so he could reach it. It was a baby doll almost half his size and dressed in yellow doll clothes. Luke had gotten it for him a long time ago, Meddows liked playing with lots of different toys. Some trucks, cars, dolls, barbies and sometimes this babydoll he now held in his small hands. 

He wrapped the doll in his sunshine blanket like the mothers did in movies and carried it in his arms downstairs.

“Meddows? Meddows?” Rufus came back into the living room with the lunch he was making for his son but found him gone as soon as he got back. 

“Papa look what I got!” Meddows came back into the living room with the ball in his hands and a big bright smile. 

“Why’d you get that for?” Rufus was very entertained at Meddows acting as he tried to rock the doll back and forth as he saw on the cartoons. 

“I need to practice” he answered simply and tried to feed the doll a piece of his sandwich. 

“For what?” he sat down next to Meddows and observed him.

“For my baby brother,” he said excitedly “I’m gonna be the best big brother in the world!”. 

“Yes, you're already a great brother,” Rufus said and then Luke came into the living room and stopped in his tracks. 

“Duckie what are you doing?” Luke stared at his son who was still holding the baby doll and rocking it back and forth.      

“I’m practicing for baby brother!” he jumped up and turned to his daddy. 

“Yeah Luke, he needs to practice”  Rufus defended him, at least he got him to laugh a little bit. 

“okay just don't-” he was going to say something about not dropping him but before he could even get it out Meddows drop the doll on the floor. 

“Sooo... He may need a little more practice” Rufus picked up the doll and handed it back to his son and noticed something going on with Luke. “Hey, something wrong?” He walked over to Luke and wrapped his arm around his waist and kissed the tip of his nose. 

“Just headache but it's fine I can just-” he didn't want to tap out over something so little but Rufus was having none of it. 

“Nope, your gonna go lay down”  Rufus stopped him from going anywhere and picked him up and threw him over his shoulder like a firefighter. 

“Rufus put me down!” Luke complained but didn't do much to fight back if he really didn't like what was happening. 

“No, the fair maiden must rest” Rufus threw him into their bed and threw the blanket over him. 

“Hey, I'm not a maiden... I'm a princess” Luke corrected him and tried laughing but that only seemed to make his head hurt worse. 

“Well go to sleep my princess” he laid down for a second and kissed his forehead and ran his hand through his hair. He tried to get up but Luke stopped him by grabbing onto his wrist. 

“Stay for a second please” Luke didn't let go so he had no choice but to go along with it.

“lukie what is it?” The little nickname he gave him made his comfortable. It sounded stupid and probably was but something as simple as a nickname meant so much to him. 

“I feel like a bad parent” he buried his face in Rufus' chest, trying to hide away from the rest of the world. 

“Honey no, your an amazing daddy, what made you think that?” He was silent for a few seconds “did somebody say something?”. 

“No, no it's not that,” he said quickly, mentally preparing for Rufus's reaction to what he was about to say. “Remember when he talked about not wanting to give our baby a name until he's born?” Rufus nodded his head yes “Well the reason I didn't wanna name his yet is that I felt guilty”.

“Guilt about what? Is it about Veronica-” Luke shook his head, he hoped Rufus would catch on to it so he didn't have to say it out loud. 

“No, it's because before we found out that we were having a boy I hoped-...I hoped that it wouldn't be a girl”. He waited for him to say something, anything. Anger or horror or disgust, anything. 

Rufus didn't say anything, just looked at him for a second before hugging him. No words were said between the couple but Luke knew what he meant. 

“It's okay, I'm not mad, it's okay Luke”. 

“You know I love you right?” Rufus asked. 

“Yes I know, you tell me every day”. 

“Do I say it enough?”.

“Only every two minutes Rufus” Luke looked up at his husband. 

They have been together for 8 years now. They have a beautiful son together with another on the way and a baby girl that exists in their memories. Luke thought to how carefree he was back then and how wild and crazy Ruus was (still is). 

It's funny how much changed over the years.  

Meddows was eavesdropping on their conversation. His mind could process or understand what they were saying. 

Who was Veronica? Was she one of daddy's or Papa friends? 

He thought back to a dream he had last night.

He was standing in the middle of a field. It was nowhere in particular, nowhere he knew or had seen before. The sky was an unnatural white like the entire world was covered in light. The grass was seating in one way and one way only in an unusual uniform way. 

He was only wearing the dinosaur button pajamas and no socks or shoes. He followed the way the grass was moving towards the east. 

He just kept running, like something was chasing him but he couldn't seem to stop. Where were daddy and papa? 

He stopped in the middle of the fields to catch his breath, there was absolutely no one around him. When he looked up from being bent over a girl stood before him. 

She was around his age, small and the same height as him. The thing that struck her out the most were her bright blue eyes that looked just like his and his paps. She was wearing a white gown of sorts and her hair was the same length as Meddows but dark brown instead of blonde. 

Her face looks like him but softer, almost toddler-like. He recognizer her...for some reason. He could recall seeing anyone else like her in real life. However, just looking at her gave him deja vu. 

She didn't talk, she didn't move, it didn't even look like he was breathing.  She just stared at him with a piercing gaze. 

Who was she? 

He woke up a few seconds later and never told anyone about it. 

He stopped listening in on his parents and sneaked away.

He didn’t remember what they were even talking about a few minutes later and he never would remember it. 

He forgot that Veronica even existed. He forgot the name, Veronica. 

He had no idea what any of that was about until years later..over 10 years later. 

But that's another story for another day. 

“He looks so small” Luke looked at his first ultrasound picture. 

“He hasn't grown enough yet” Rufus looked over his shoulder at the picture. 

“Are you scared?”.

“Yeah”. 

“Me too” Luke cuddled up next to him “are we gonna have other children after him”. 

“I hope we can or do”.

“I would like that, how about six?”.

“NO”.

Chapter Text

It's always a rainy day without you

I'm a prisoner of love inside you

I'm falling apart all around you, yeah

My heart cries out to your heart

I'm lonely but you can save me

My hand reaches for to your hand

I'm cold but you light the fire in me

My lips search for your lips

I'm hungry for your touch

There's so much left unspoken

And all I can do is surrender

To the moment just surrender

6 months pregnant, size of an eggplant.. 

“How are you feeling today?” Rufus asked his sister through the phone. 

“My backaches, I'm having heartburn and hot flashes..so just peachy” Tigerlily was stretched out on her couch, stretching her muscles out while trying to work out a cramp in her leg. 

“So normal pregnancy things” he could hear Tiger nodding over the phone “Is he moving a lot now?”. 

“Yeah, he kept me up last night just likes Meddows before he was born,” she rubbed her stomach lovingly. 

“Well, hopefully, he’ll behave while we're gone”. Meddows was on spring break for February so they decided it was a nice time for a family vacation to Spain. It wasn’t a faraway trip and was a county neither Luke or Rufus had been before. Tigerlily couldn’t come because she was getting more and more tired because of the pregnancy. 

“How long will you guys be away?”.

“Only a few days, about three, nothing too extreme” Rufus was packing his suitcase last minute as he was talking to her.

“He’s going to miss you guys” she was talking about their son. When Tigerlily wasn’t at home she was over with them. Rufus couldn’t keep his hands off his stomach and she was almost certain the baby could recognize his voice from a mile away. Luke wasn’t as affectionate but still loved being around her and the baby as much as he could.

The media had no idea about the new baby because Luke didn’t want anyone but family to know and some close family. She couldn’t go out much since she was looking very pregnant but she had a suspicion the media knew. 

“We’re going to miss him, take care of him for me okay?”. 

“He’s inside of me, I don’t really have a choice” Tigerlily joked making them both laugh. 

“HI TIGGY” Meddows screamed as he ran into their bedroom and jumped on the bed. 

“Hi Meddows, are you excited for your trip?” she spoke to him a child-like voice. 

“Yes! It’s gonna be so much fun!” he clapped his hands together and sat next to Rufus’s suitcase that was open on the bed. His hair was tied up in pigtails and he had his best travel outfit on with his Velcro’s shoes that had little stars on them. 

“Is your backpack packed?” Rufus asked as he tried stuffing as much as he could in his one suitcase. 

“Yep,” Meddows presented his backpack that was decorated with different buttons and badges from his parent's different gigs. 

“How’s Luke doing?” Tiger asked, even she had noticed a shift in his mood. 

“He's doing better, he’s a little nervous for the trip but it’ll be nice for him to get out” Rufus could sense it. Luke was getting more and more nervous as the pregnancy progressed but he was getting better at calming down and not letting it all go to his head. 

“Rufus you ready to go!” Luke came jogging into the room. 

“Hi, Luke” tiger called over the phone. Her stretching didn’t seem to be working and the cramp moved to her stomach. 

“Hey tigs, hows babe doing?” Luke took a seat next to Meddows on the bed. His suitcase was already packed nice and neatly, for once in his life. 

“Being annoying” she rubbed her stomach, trying to get out the cramps. 

“Ah, so he’s already taken after me” Luke joked as he held Meddows on his lap. 

“Well call me when you guys get their okay?” Tiger said. 

“I will don’t worry” Rufus finally finished stuffing his suitcase. He hung up the phone after him, Luke and Meddows said their goodbyes. 

“You gonna be okay without the baby?” Rufus sat down next to Luke on the bed and wrapped his arms around his waist from behind. 

“Not really but I’ll cope” he pressed his nose against Rufus’s while Meddows was looking up at them and giggling at their affection. 

“What are you giggling about?” Luke smiled at his son who was trying to cover up his giggles. 

“Nothing” he was still giggling. 

“Come on, let’s geo, we have to get to the airport” Rufus picked him up and placed him on the floor. Meddows grabbed his backpack and suitcase from the bed and closet and he started running downstairs because he was so excited about the trip. 

“When is the plane leaving again?” Luke asked as they made their way out of the house. 

“Oh, we’re taking the jet”. 

“Rufus, what jet?” he looked up at his husband. 

“My dads private jet”. 

“Your dad owns a private jet?”. 

“Yep,” Why was he even surprised anymore. 

****************************************************

She stood up and saw the blood rushing down her leg and onto her pants. 

She reached her hand down her pants and pulled it out, her hand looking like she just murdered a person. 

“No, No,no,no” 

“No, you can’t come yet”.

“Your not ready, you can’t come yet”. 

“You won’t make it if you come out yet”. 

“No, what am I doing wrong” Tigerlily almost pulled her hair out. 

“Rufus, Luke, where are you”. 

“Where are you?”

 “Why did you never tell me you had a private jet?” Luke asked. 

“I technically don’t own it, my dad does” Rufus was being modest. 

“STILL, you own a jet” Luke, Rufus, and Meddows where standing on the airfield as the plane staff was setting up before they could get on.   

“Technically WE own a jet” Rufus he’s featured between them. 

“Do I own a jet?” Meddows tugged at his papa's shirt.

“Yes Meddows you do own a jet,” Rufus said, maybe not the best thing to tell a five-year-old.

“COOL” He jumped up excitedly at his newfound jet. 

Riding on the jet was different from an airplane. First, they had the whole plane to themselves and their crew that meant they had all the legroom in the world. Meddows had enough room to run all around and Rufus and Luke could relax and enjoy a plane ride for a few hours. 

“Meddows you have all this to yourself,” Rufus said pointing to an open couch seat where he would be sitting. Luke and Rufus were sitting across from them in their seats. The crew was loading up their bags into the baggage hold and the attendants were asking what they wanted for drinks and snacks. 

“I will say, having a private jet is feeling good so far” Luke was sipping on coke in a fancy wine glass (because why not) and kicking his feet back. 

“Agreed” Rufus and he clanged their glasses together to a toast. Meddows was trying to read a book to himself with his blanket wrapped around him.   

“Want me to read to you duckie?” Luke asked, setting down his glass and opening his arms up for him to sit down on his lap. 

“Yes!” Meddows ran and sat between Luke and Rufus with his book and blanket.

Rufus looked on at his husband and his son as he read to him, doing all the voices and sounds in the book that sounded kind of stupid but was still really adorable. Meddows was giggling at his voice and trying to read along, holding onto Luke's arm and leaned his head against his shoulder.

They were in the air for almost an hour, halfway through their ride when Rufus’s phone went off. It awoke him from his nap and he quickly grabbed for it while looking at all the notifications he missed.

 Tigs (Tigerlily) 

3 missed calls

Rufus could feel something in the pit of his stomach, why would she call them three times if it wasn’t something important?

“Who’s that?” Luke looked over at Rufus, Meddows was catnapping between them. 

“Tigs,” Rufus said, turning his attention back to the phone and called her back “Hello-”. 

“R-Rufus?” he could hear her voice over the phone. She sounded in pain or about to pass out and was out of breath. 

“Tigerlily what’s wrong?” Rufus asked frantically, something told him it was something wrong with the baby. 

“It’s- It’s the baby, oh it hurts so bad- there's blood-blood on the floor” she sounded so much in pain and was hyperventilating.  

She looked down at the floor, blood down her pants and onto the floor of her house. Her legs felt like jello and felt the contractions coming every few minutes 

“Tigs I need you to calm down and tell me what happened” Rufus was shocked with himself for staying so calm and Luke was now sitting up and looked up at Rufus to try to figure out what they were talking about.

“I- I was laying down and then when I got up I saw the blood and then I started panicking and then I started having contractions”. 

“Okay, get to the hospital right now, we're coming home right now just hold on okay”. 

“Okay, okay, I'll call an ambulance and ill text you when I get the-” she meant to say there but hung up the phone by accident when another contacting came on. 

“TURN THE PLANE AROUND!” Rufus practically yelled as he got up from his seat and approached the pilot quarters but was stopped. 

“Sir we can't-” the attendees stood in front of the door. Luke and Meddows were still looking at him in confusion. 

“Luke cover his ears please” he talked in the calmest voice possible, he didn't want Meddows to hear what he was saying and then back at the attendant. “Someone is going to turn this goddamn plane around before I go in there and tell him myself, my second child is being born right now. I will not let you or anyone else on this plan get in the way of me being there so turn. The. Plane. around. 

His voice was almost scary when he talked in a slow but menacing way. He didn't mean to scare the attendant but he had no other choice, he was willing to fly the plane himself if it meant getting there. The flight attendant stared at him for a few seconds before going into the pilot quarters and talking to him most likely. 

He turned back to Luke and could see the horror in guys face. The same horror he had when he held Veronica and realized how cold she was. Or when Meddows had his seizure. 

“The baby's coming right now?” Luke uncovered Meddows ears and took a strap towards Rufus. 

“Yes, he's coming” Rufus let out, he looked calm on the outside but on the inside, he was just as scared.

“Oh my God” Luke buried his head I'm his hands and started sobbing. 

“Baby, baby, it's okay, he's gonna be okay” Rufus ran over and held him while rubbing his hair.

“No, no it's not, he's not ready yet, he wouldn't make it-” Luke started sobbing uncontrollably into his shoulder. Meddows was just looking up at them with a confused expression. 

“No honey, he's gonna make it, he'll be okay” would he really? What if he didn't? If they lost another child Luke would break, physically and mentally. He wouldn't be able to handle it, neither would Rufus. 

“Papa, is something wrong with the baby?” Meddows tugged on his shirt with big bright eyes that showed concern. 

“Yes honey” he wanted to be honest with him “the baby is coming early and we have to get to the hospital to see him.'' 

“Is he gonna be okay?” he was saying what everybody was thinking. 

“He’ll be okay”.

He had to be okay.

“He'll be okay”. 

The plane landed less than an hour later after a few more threats. As soon as the plans doors were open Rufus, Luke and Meddows grabbed their bags and made a run for it. Luke even took the liberty of carrying Meddows cause his legs were too short to run fast. 

They heard plans and people moving past them but the only thing they could clearly see was the exit to get to their car. 

“Tigs texted the address to the hospital” Rufus checked his phone and threw the suitcases into the car in no particular order and jumped into the driver's side. Luke strapped Meddows into his car seat and jumped in. 

Rufus drove like a mad man, skipping a few red lights every here and there while Luke panicked to himself silently, Meddows was sucking on his thumb. Rufus didn’t talk, there was nothing to talk about but he did hold luke’s hand while they stopped at a light. 

Luke was almost certain his son would die. He was so quiet because he was preparing himself for the news, we’re sorry he didn’t make it or we weren’t able to save him. He felt stupid for even thinking this pregnancy would work out or that he could have more kids. 

Rufus would leave him for this. He would never want to be with someone who couldn’t have a normal child. How would they tell Meddows? What would their families think? Would Tigerlily die as well? This entire thing was fucked up. 

“We’re here” Rufus pulled into the parking lot with a screeching halt and looked at Luke for a second to make sure he was all there.     

“Let’s go” Luke was staring at his hands and his voice was only a whisper but Rufus could understand. Rufus picked up Meddows from his car seat and held Luke's hand as they walked in. 

The maternity ward was busy in the middle of the day and they could hear the crying babies and parents from the hallway. “Is Tigerlily Taylor here?” Rufus asked the nurse, Luke, and Meddows were standing beside him and let him do all the talking. 

“What’s your relation to her?” the nurse looked up from her paperwork. 

“I’m her brother, he’s the father and this little one here is her son” it felt weird referring to Meddows as her son. Even Tigerlily didn’t refer to Meddows as her son. 

“Put these on, she’d down the hall and to the left” she handed them some badges to clip on their clothes and before she could even take down their names they were already down the hall looking for Tigerlily. 

“Ru, luke” they could hear a small voice coming from one of the rooms and they could tell that was her. 

Rufus burst through the door and saw Tigerlily sitting in a hospital bed looking surprisingly calm.

She was hooked up to different machines with several nurses in the room with her. Her face was red from crying most likely but her face was calm. 

“Tigs” Rufus ran over to her sister and hugged her. She cried into his chest as she was held and still held her hand on her stomach “Where is he?”. He was looking for a hint, was he alive? Where was he? 

“He’s hasn’t come yet, they-they gave me some injections that are supposed to-to prolong my labor” she rubbed her stomach. 

“So he’s okay?” Luke poked his head in with Meddows standing by his legs. 

“yeah-Yeah he’s okay” she sounded tired and was resting her head against her pillow. They all let out a collective sigh of relief at the news. Luke stepped closer to Tigerlily and hugged her while he began crying. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what I did I-I” she felt like this was all her fault. Veronica's death was also her fault and this one would be too. 

“Tigs it’s not your fault” Rufus rubbed her back. 

“He’s right, it’s not your fault” Luke pulled away and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear 

“I’m scared” she wiped her eyes of the tears. 

“I’m scared too, I’m scared to” Luke admitted it to her and held her hand. It was their baby, it was their son. 

“He’s gonna be okay, he’s gonna be okay” Rufus comforted both of them. He was just as worried as them about their son, he just wanted to see him. To see his son and see that he was okay. 

He prayed. He prayed for maybe the first time in his life, he was never religious. He prayed that his son was alive. 

Rufus reached down and picked up Meddows and held him. He didn’t know why he did it but he wanted to hold something. If Meddows could survive then so could their new baby. 

He held onto that hope. It was the only slice of hope he had left. 

The injections they gave her prolonged labor for almost 16 hours. Enough time for Luke to drop Meddows off to stay with grandma and grandpa Taylor until the baby was born. Luke and Rufus got into many serious discussions with the doctors on what their options where. 

He had a 50% chance of survival. 50% chance he would make it past being born or 50% chance he would die. Die before he could even open his eyes or even breath air, die before he even knew what dyeing was. 

“His lungs are at risk for respiratory distress so he'll need a breathing machine as soon as he's born and possible surgery. He also had a higher risk of infection so we'll have to keep physical contact to a minimum” The doctor spoke to them outside Tigerlilys room. She started going into labor a few hours ago in the middle of the night. 

“How’s he doing so far?” Rufus asked he couldn’t really understand anything the nurses were talking about. 

“He’s okay for now but we really won’t know until he’s born” that didn’t really calm their anxiety. Luke wanted his pregnancy to be under control, to know when and what was happening when in reality he couldn't tell the future.

The doctor let Luke and Rufus have a moment to themselves in the hall. 

“How are you doing?” Rufus held his hand tightly, feeling the sweat and nervousness he was feeling. 

“Do you think he’ll make it Rufus? Do you really think he will?” Luke was looking at the floor, his voice quiet and shaky.

“Yes I do, I think he’ll make it” he picked his face back up to look at him “You wanna know something my family doesn't tell anybody.'' 

“What is it?” Luke looked up his eyes were red from crying and his face was flustered. 

“You know my older brother Felix?” Luke nodded “he was born 2 months early, the doctors didn’t think he was gonna make it but look at him now, he’s just...short”. He joked and it seemed to make Luke laugh just a little bit. He was silent for a few seconds but gripped his hand. 

“Let’s go back inside” that was all he said before pulling Rufus back into the hospital room and into the room where their son would be born.       

4 Hours later….

February 17th 

“Luke, Luke, Luke!” 

“Luke get over here, the baby’s coming!” Luke had fallen asleep at some point near the middle of the night and Rufus shook him to wake him up. He could only hear Tigerlily’s screaming and the doctors voices.   

He looked up and saw the scene before him. Tigerlily was in full-on labor with nurses holding her legs up and Rufus standing next to the doctors between them as she was screaming. 

“Luke, there’s his head” Rufus pulled him so he was standing next to him as they looked on as he started coming out. 

Luke started crying as his head started coming out, all he was thinking was: Please be alive, Please be alive, Please be alive. 

“Okay push again in 3,2,1,” the doctors said and Tigerlily grabbed onto the nurse's arm for dear life as she pushed.  

“Baby, he’s gonna be okay, he’ll be okay” he whispered in his ear and held his hand hard like it could cut off his circulation. 

The room was still for a minute while the rest of the world kept on. His head hurt, too much noise, too much going on. He couldn’t look at his son that was on its way out, what if he came out and there was no noise. 

He couldn’t lose him. 

He thought back to Meddows birth, how happy and optimistic about his first child. He just wanted this to be over.   

“Daddy will I be a good brother?”. 

“When will the baby be born?” 

“Can I change him when he’s born”. 

“I bet you're so excited for another child”. 

“Have you picked a name yet?”. 

“Why haven’t you told anyone?”. 

“What will you do if he doesn't make it?”. 

“THERE HE IS” Luke didn’t hear himself scream before the room went silent. The room was full of people all surrounding this one baby who may or may not be alive. A boy who would be brought into a world of shock and dismay, not knowing who anyone was or what was wrong with him. 

The only thing he would recognize was his parent's voice. 

He heard something. Cries they were quiet but still there. Like a pin drop in a silent room.  

He was..alive. 

“Take him, get him on a respirator NOW” the doctor barked as soon as the umbilical cord was cut and took the baby from the table and onto another where they dried him off and started hooking him up to different machines... 

“Hey, Hey, let me see my son” Rufus broke away from the doctors and towards his son he could see him for more than just a second, Luke was frozen in place. 

“You can see him for one minute,” the nurse said as he kept hooking him up and gave Rufus and Luke some time to get close to him. 

Their second-born son was sprawled out on the table with a blanket around him. His skin was bright red with discharge and him still not developing his colors yet. He was small enough to fit in both of Rufus’s hands but much frailer than he was supposed to be if he was born at the right time. He only weighed 6 pounds. His hands were so small that they couldn’t wrap around his finger. 

His breathing was slow and shallow but still there and his heart gave off a healthy beat. 

“He’s beautiful” Luke didn’t expect to get so emotional, he bent over his son's body and stroked the top of his head gently. 

“Oh honey, I'm so happy your here” Rufus started crying as well and reached out his finger for him to grab and hold onto it with the small ounce of strength he had “I love you so much”. 

“We love you” Luke kissed the top of his head as the nurses gave him a look telling him to finish it up “You’ll be okay, you’ll be okay”. The nurses swept towards them and took the baby from their hands and through the doors and out of the room. He was here one second and gone the next, leaving Luke to look at the gloves he was wearing covered in his fluid.   

They took him away, just like how they did with Veronica except he was alive. Their son was alive but they weren't letting them see him. 

“We had a baby” Rufus was in shock. 

“Yeah, yeah we did, it’s our baby” our baby, our new baby boy. He started thinking about what he was like, what he would sound like or feel like when he was held. 

It was too early to think about all that. First, he had to make sure he would live first. 

That their son would live. 

Chapter Text

Time waits for nobody

Time waits for no one

We've got to build this world together

Or we'll have no more future at all

Because time

It waits for nobody

Nobody

-time waits for nobody 

Sleeping on some hospital cushions on the floor wasn't the most glamorous of accommodations. He slowly slipped his way out from under the thin blankets and stood up slowly as to not wake anybody. His feet puttered against the cold floor but nothing too loud to wake anybody.

The whole unit we starting to awake as well. The curtains were drawn and some of the hall doors were open for the morning checkups. He walked down to the hall, almost to the end.

The room he was approaching was closed, the nurses were not yet needed. He slowly opened the door and stepped in. The room was mostly empty except for the corner where all the monitors, wires and fluids stuck out from a glass enclosure.

It felt wrong calling it an enclosure, like an animal or a rabid dog. His son was in there. Alone. 

He was sleeping so he had no idea that he was alone but it probably didn't feel good to be trapped in a glass case with wires coming out of you. 

“Luke” he spoke quietly so as to not wake the sleeping newborn who was only 40 hours old. 

“He should be up any minute, I was just watching him” Luke looked at him for a second before turning back to his son. 

“What's there to watch” he was sleeping so there was nothing to watch. 

“I watch his chest, see how it moves and his fingers and toes to see if he's moving in his sleep” Rufus stood and looked at the baby with him “Sometimes I think he'll stop moving or breathing and then I'll have to get someone”. 

“That won't happen” Rufus spoke softly, as to not stress him or make it seem like he was upset at his thoughts “he doesn't have a name yet”. 

“Yeah, he doesn't do the” Luke pressed his hand against the glass, it was the closest he could get to him. 

“Any ideas?” He tried to listen to the mood. 

“No, not really” a name was the last thing on his racing mind.

“Okay, how about I list off some” like agreed to listen. “How about Henry or Harry, Peter, Jaymie, Arron, Riley” he had a lot more in mind. 

“I like Henry, makes him sound...smart” Henry. Henry meaning: power and ruler. A good name for a boy who seemed to overcome his first difficulty: being born.  

“Henry Taylor sounds a lot better than einstein” he looked down at his son now named Henry. He was going to say more but was stopped by his son moving his arms and legs as he awoke.   

“There he is” Luke twirled circles into the glass and saw Henry open his eyes. They were a deep chocolate brown like Luke’s, filled with warmth and newborn bliss. 

“He has such beautiful eyes” Rufus liked them because they were Luke’s, same color and vibrancy that made waking up next to him much more enjoyable. Henry started crying quietly, from the breathing mask and his natural quietness from his underdeveloped lungs. 

A nurse turned her attention from another baby and onto Henry to check upon him. The nurse soothed him by rocking him back and forth while being conscious of the wires and fed him till his sobs quieted. “Do you wanna touch him?” The nurse placed him back into the unit and opened the armholes so they could reach through to touch him.    

“Yes, yes please” Luke nodded and put on the gloves the nurse offered him and Rufus did the same. He placed his hand through the holes and finally got to touch him. 

The last time he and his son weren't separated by a piece of glass was almost two days ago. He wasn’t allowed to even be in the same room as him until a day ago for fear henry would get sick or an infection. Luke didn’t sleep that night or for very long the next night.     

He looked at him. Examining every detail of his face or body like he could disappear at any second, like a dream or a mirage. His skin was becoming a more natural white instead of the bright red he was born with and little specks of brown hair were beginning to grow.  He played with his little hands or toes that were beginning to move and stroked his cheek. He smiled at him.  

“He likes you already” Rufus was crouched down next to the case. 

“Yeah, I hope he keeps liking me or we're gonna have a problem” Luke joked, “You can touch him now”. Rufus moved his hands into the hole, trying not to pull no any of the wires that most likely made him very uncomfortable. 

“Hey, pretty boy” he whispered to him “Your name is Henry now, do you like that name?” he smiled at the mention of his new name. “When can we hold him?” he asked the nurse who was now supervising them. 

“We’ll know after the doctor checks him over but not until then” she broke the news to them. They were disappointed, to say the least. It should be him and Luke changing his diapers and feeding him, not some nurses and doctors.    

They didn’t want to leave, this wasn’t what new parents should be doing. They should be holding him like every new parent, not leaving him all by himself. 

“The doctor has to see him, I'm afraid you have to go now,” the nurse informed them as soon as she entered back into the room. 

“I love you, Henry, we’ll see you soon” Rufus stroked his face one more time before giving Luke a chance to say goodbye. 

“Be good okay, I love you,” Luke said bye and pulled his gloves off before leaving his son. Leaving the kid he just met without him, without the comfort or love every newborn needed. 

“He’ll be okay-” Rufus walked him out of the room and into the hallway, they were making their way down the hall when-. 

“Daddy, Papa?” a small voice called for them down the hall. 

“Meddows?” Rufus walked ahead of them and his son ran into his arms in the middle of the hallway. 

“Hey duckie” Luke hugged him as well and kissed his forehead. He was happy to see his parents after two days of being apart. They missed him as well, they felt it strange at how silent their lives were without Meddows there. Like missing a small part of their hearts.  

“I missed you,” he said excitedly and hugged them both again “Where’s a baby brother?”. The couple looked at each other for an answer to his question. 

“You can’t see him yet honey, but you can soon” Rufus sat him down and broke the news to him slowly. He looked sad for a moment. 

“I have pictures of him though” Luke opened his photos and pulled up some of the pictures he took the night before when he was sleeping. 

“Why does he look like that?” Meddows asked as he looked at a picture of his little brother sleeping, he did look a little weird with his red-tinted skin and tiny limbs. 

“You use to look like that too you know?” Luke reminded him. 

“Really?!” he looked shocked. 

“Yeah, and you turned out a little less weird-looking” he teased him and tickled him a little bit. 

“Does he have a name yet?” he asked excitedly. 

“We named him Henry” Rufus announced to him. 

“That’s nice” he continued looking at the pictures. His face was filled with wonder and excitement at the thought of being a big brother like he always wanted, like all the other kids. He wasn’t worried about his parents not paying attention to him anymore, he knew they would always love him and take care of him. He knew that Henry would need more attention, he wanted to pay attention to Henry as well. 

“I see you found them” the group walked back into Tiger Lilies hospital room where she was just waking up. 

“Yep, found them” Meddows pointed to his parents who were the exact people he was looking for.

“How’s he doing?” She looked at Rufus and Luke for answers. 

“They're checking him over right now, so we’ll know once they're done,” Rufus said, he took a seat next to meddows with Luke sitting on his other side “How are you feeling?”. 

“Tired and sore but I’m getting better” she rubbed her back and arms to soothe his sore muscles. 

“We picked out a name” her ears perked up at the mention since she had been nagging them since before he was born to pick out a name. 

“His name is Henry” luke announced, he really did like the name. He appreciated Rufus for suggesting it since he really didn’t want to pick a name himself.

“I love that name, Mr. Henry Taylor” Henry Taylor. A new member of the Taylor and Deacon family. 

“The doctors finished looking him up” Luke was the one to receive the news.   

“How is he?” Rufus asked. The room was filled with family members like Rufus’s parents and luke’s mom so they could finally meet the new baby. 

“He-he's” Luke began to cry. Rufus felt his heart begin to drop into his chest and his heart began to break. They worked so hard for this to work and to have another kid and now his hope was crumbling right in front of him. “He’s fine, He’s perfectly healthy” he was crying because he was happy, overjoyed. 

“Oh my god don’t do that” everyone let out a collective release of breath as their worried washed away. Rufus walked to his husband and hugged him. He started crying as well. 

Hey where tears of relief for the health of his son and the feeling of that dark time they went through with Meddows and Veronica. Henry was the thing they all needed in their lives. A calming void even though he came in a huge storm. He seemed to put all their minds at rest for now.   

A nurse came into the hospital room holding Henry. He was wrapped in a warm blanket with a blue beanie on his head. His head was turned towards them and his brown eyes staring up with them. 

“Hey, henry” Rufus took the baby into his arms and kissed his head. He still had to be careful because he was still so tiny. He passed him to Luke for him to hold and cuddle. 

“Meddows? Do you wanna hold him” Luke asked making Meddows jumped up in excitement and ran over to them and took a seat so he could hold him. 

“Just hold him like this and put your arm under his head like this, be careful because he’s still really small” Rufus adjusted him so he was holding him right and wouldn’t drop him. 

“Am I doing it right?” Meddows asked, staring down at his brother who was now resting in his arms. 

“You're doing perfect” Luke encouraged him, Rufus was holding him by his waist and resting his head against his.     

Meddows was fascinated with his brother in his arms. Henry was looking up and smiled at him “hi Henry” Meddows said to him and smiled back “I’m Meddows”. He waited for some sort of response “He isn’t that weird looking anymore” he was starting to look more like a human. 

“Yeah he looks kind of cute now doesn't he” Rufus sat down next to him and poked Henry's little nose.       

“I think we can keep him,” Meddows said matter of factly. 

“Well I hoped we would be able to keep him, we worked really hard to get him here,” Luke said, he was right. 

Luke Deacon was now the biological father of two wonderful sons with Rufus. It was kind of weird about how his DNA made two beautiful children who he loved more than anything.  

He used to think having children were something he never wanted, and something he would never do again after Meddows and Veronica. 

“Luke, you okay?” Rufus held him by the shoulder, his piercing blue eyes looking at him like he was the only person in the room. The same look he gave him when they first met, almost 8 years ago. 

“I’m fine, I'm perfect” he leaned in and kissed him. 

He looked down at Henry, a perfect little boy who had eyes like diamonds. Meddows with angel eyes and hair. 

Veronica was looking over at them from the side of the room. It was her, black hair and chocolate eyes he remembered from when she was a newborn. She was looking at Henry and then her brother Meddows. She smiled at them. 

She was happy for them and for her parents. 

They had finally moved on.  

Finally. 

The universe seemed to be back in balance once again. A sort of tranquility was finally reached within their lives once again. 

12 years later……. 

END OF SECTION 2  

Chapter Text

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* Meddows Taylor*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ 

Birthday: December 20 

Age: 16 

.・゜゜・Henry Taylor・゜゜・．

Birthday: Febuary 17 

Age: 12 

｡･ﾟﾟ･Tegan Mercury/Malek･ﾟﾟ･｡ 

Birthday: March 12 

Age: 14

✧༺♥༻∞River Taylor∞༺♥༻✧

Birthday: May 20 

Age: 2  

Chapter Text

I'm great at hide and seek 

I'm great at standing still when I wanna be 

On such a winning streak 

We wasted time but we did it so easily 

But you couldn't commit, in the pit, 

And you tried to hide from it 

And I couldn't commit, keeping fit, 

And I tried to hide from it 

So we couldn't commit, keeping fit, 

So we quit, so we quit

-Keeping Fit, Kid Jupiter 

11 years later…… 

Meddows age:16 

Henry age: 12 

Luke Deacon age: 45 

Rufus Taylor age: 46 

The foot collided with Meddows ribs over and over again, along with the fist that was punching his in the head and pulling his long blonde hair. Not exactly the best start to the spring school year. 

“Taylor!” Noah yelled as he approached Meddows with the group of his friends. The blonde teenager was waiting outside his school for the bell to ring so all his pupils could be rained into morning classes. He was scrolling through his Instagram like he did every morning while waiting for Tegan to pop up and walk her to call. 

“Noah, nice to see you this morning,” Meddows said with a charismatic smile and a slightly sarcastic tone but he wasn’t trying to be mean. He was used to this by now, Noah had been messing with him since he was 13 but he never did anything to Meddows. 

“Where’s your girlfriend?” He was talking about Tegan. 

“Tegan isn’t my girlfriend, haven’t you used that before?” he teased back. He was used to reminding people but it was an easy mistake because they were very affectionate for just being friends. 

“Hey!” Tegan appeared out of nowhere and stepped between Meddows and Noah with his friends. She was only 14 but very good looking for her age and was almost to Meddows height, she was also shy so this sudden act of bravery came as a surprise. 

“Tegan doesn’t waste our time, let’s go” Meddows held out his hand for her to grab. She took one last look at Noah and gave him the scariest look she could muster and turned away to take his hand in hers. They started walking away but Noah suddenly decided to be extra annoying that day. 

“Slut” he spat at Tegan just to get her attention and then some of the friends grabbed onto her other hand and pulled her away from Meddows so they could push her to the ground. 

“What the hell!” Meddows yelled at Noah. His other friends were laughing at her because his skirt had ridden up after they pushed her and they could see her knickers. She was frantically covering herself up. He leaned over to help her up but Noah’s friends pushed him down and started kicking and punching him.

Tegan was yelling something but he couldn’t hear her. He covered his face in hopes not to end up with a broken nose and he could feel his ribs and lungs taking every bit of strength out of him to get up. 

First day back from winter break and he was already getting beat……..greattttttt. 

Someone must have broken up the fight because now Meddows, Tegan and Noah were sitting in the headmistress office waiting for their parents to arrive. Meddows was holding an ice pack to his head and Tegan was sitting next to him with his uniform creased and dirty. 

 All he really remembered was a figure holding his hand out for him to get up and then his legs giving out again and falling on his face again. Then he ended up here. 

The room was silent as Headmistress Atkinson stared daggers into all three of them. She wore the same blue suit she always wore and the stupid haircut she hadn’t changed since 1999. Meddows hated her the most because one time when Tegan was turning 14 she wore her white button-up a little too low by accident. Ms. Atkinson thought it was appropriate to call her out for it in front of her class, she hid in the bathroom and cried for the rest of the day. 

There was a loud knock on the door of her office “Come in” Ms.Atkinson said and enter the secretary. 

“The parents are here,” the secretary said, she was talking about meddows, Noahs and Tegan’s parents who were most likely all fuming.  

“Send them in” Noah's father entered first, he was a heavyset man with a fancy suit that was most likely worn to some fancy business meeting. Noah was known for being a bratty rich kid with a father who owned some big banking company. Then came Rufus and Luke. 

They looked so much younger than Noah’s father for them being close in age. Rufus Taylor the aging rock star who was nearly 50 but looked around 30. He was still the same 28 years old but more mature looking. 

He entered the meeting with the same shoulder-length blonde hair like Meddows but with one long grey streak near the front and the same bright blue eyes. He wore a grey suit jacket with a white button-up with the top buttons unbuttoned and some black jeans. 

Luke was also very youthful-looking. Curly brown hair with grey streaks that grew over the years and was cut short now. He was dressed more casually with a grey short sleeve shirt and some jeans, he was just coming from studio time so he felt no need to dress up like his husband. They did not look pleased with their son and Tegan. 

“Delilah couldn’t make it, so we’re here for Tegan as well” Rufus spoke first with Luke holding his arm. The parents pulled out chairs for them to sit next to their kids, Noah's dad was looking at Rufus and Luke with disgust. 

“We're here to discuss the incident that happened this morning” Ms. Atkinson broke the silence. “This morning a student saw Noah and his friends kicking and breathing Meddows near the entrance of the school with Tegan trying to break it up. Meddows would you like to explain what occurred?” What the hell did he have to explain where he had an ice pack on his face. 

“I was waiting outside for school to start when Noah and his friends approached me and started messing with me, then Tegan came over and stood between us. I and Tegan then started walking away but they pushed her down and when I was trying to help her up they pushed me down and started beating me up” That was all he remembered. 

“Tegan is this true?” she turned to her and she nodded silently “Noah, do you have anything to say for yourself or anyone else involved”. Noah was silent for a moment, he knew everyone was looking and waiting for him. Meddows knew he was off the hook and so did Tegan based on how calm Luke and Rufus looked now. 

“No, no I don’t” he didn’t look up and he only looked up to see his father's face turning more and more red with anger. However, it wasn’t at Noah himself. The anger was geared towards Meddows and Tegan. 

“What did you do to my son?” his father turned to Meddows with rage. 

“I didn’t do anything sir” Meddows was remaining calm, for his sake and for the sake of his head that was hurting. 

“You must have done something to upset him!” this grown man was defending his son for beating him up. 

“He didn’t do anything,” Tegan said quietly, still looking down at the floor. 

“Sir stop harassing my son” Rufus shot back, he really wasn’t having any of his bullshit. 

“Well, at least I raise my son right” what the hell was that supposed to mean? Luke rolled his eyes at him. 

“Ms. Atkinson are we free to go now?” Luke asked he was already starting to get up. 

“Meddows and Tegan are free to go but I need to talk to Noah and his father alone” Meddows could practically feel Noah giving him a death glare from 20 feet away. 

“Thank you for calling us, meddows, Tegan, let’s go” Rufus shook the headmistresses hand and held Meddows by the shoulder as he escorted him out with Tegan following close behind them. 

The car ride home was silent for the most part except for the rock music that was playing on the radio. Meddows still had an ice pack and Tegan was trying to make herself look less like she rolled in the dirt. “Tegan this is your stop” Rufus stopped the car just outside Tegans house where her parents would be most likely pissed at her as soon as they got home.   

“Bye Meddows” she hugged him and kissed his cheek like they always did. She grabbed her bag from the back and waved goodbye as she headed towards the gate of her parents' home. 

 Meddows collapsed onto the living room in the couch as soon as he came home. The pain in his head seemed to finally ease and his joins seemed to finally stop aching after being beaten to a pulp from Noah. “Can I see your head?” Luke leaned over his son and pulled the strands of blonde hair out of his face that was pressed against the couch. Meddows complied and rolled over so he could see the little bruise that was left. 

“What a prick” Rufus looked as well “Has this happened before?”. 

“Never, didn’t really expect it either” he covered up the bruise and unbuttoned his shirt so he could throw it in the laundry.   

It was one of the many things he hated about his private school: the bloody uniform. The school colors where deep blue and Maroon so the uniform was a maroon uniform jacket with blue trimming and black pants or shorts with black knee-highs. The white dress shirt always got dirty which is why Meddows always had 20 extras. 

“Did you fight back?’ Rufus asked as he grabbed some aloe vera for the bruise.  

“Couldn’t really...I had a little situation” he didn’t want to talk about it upfront. 

“Meddows, did you seize?” Luke sounded serious. 

Meddows was lucky to never have a seizure during school or classes but this time he wasn’t as lucky. His seizures were somewhat unpredictable. Sometimes they were in the morning or night every other day or once a week or once a month. He had different types of seizures as well. ( a/n yes there are different types of seizures look it up)  

“Did you take your medication this morning?” Luke bent down to his level, his loving parenting instincts kicking in. 

“Yes I did” he never forgot, he had taken them every day since he was 4. 

“Well if it makes you feel any better I use to get bullied too” Luke revealed to his son. 

“Did you beat them up as I suggest?” Rufus but in.

“no I got beaten to a pulp ...but I didn't wanna tell you cause that's not very helpful” his voice got quieter as he spoke. 

“It's over and done with now, can I please head up to my room?” Meddows asked he was never one to hold grudges or be mad. 

“Fine, but you should learn to defend yourself Meddows” Rufus suggested. 

“Rufus, this is his first fight and he doesn't have a temper like you” Luke pointed out. 

“I don't have a temper!”.

“A few years ago you screamed at someone because they moved your drums” Luke reminded him. 

“Well they shouldn't have touched them” in his defense he did feel really bad about it afterward. 

“Wow dad you were crazy back in the day,” Meddows said from the staircase. 

“Hey I still am, I’m a cool dad” he used finger guns to exaggerate his point. 

“Yep, you are babe” Luke looked down in shame at his husband “ignore your father duckie”. 

“You still calling me that this year?” Meddows called down from the top of the stairs. 

“Till the day I die duckie” Luke teased. Meddows really did love his parents. 

“Naptime” Meddows shoved his door open and jumped onto his bed, he still had his Converse on and dress pants. He kicked off his shoes that were completely against school dress code and pulled down his jeans so he was just in his boxers.

“Meow, mow” he heard coming from underneath his bed. 

“Snickers come on out” Meddows leaned over his bed and pulled up his covers and saw a pair of piercing yellow eyes looking at him. 

Snickers was his calico cat that was about 5 weeks old now. She mostly lived in meddows room except for the exception of his parent's room every now and then. He had found her when someone was giving a box away on the street, he loved all animals so he couldn’t just leave it out there. Luke and Rufus didn’t mind that much. 

They hadn’t had a pet since Meddows was 10 and Henry 8 when their longtime dog Bean died so old age. They held a mini funeral for him and everything. Around that same time, their grandfather Roger Taylor died in his sleep of natural causes. With their grandma Veronica Deacon passing away a year later. Both Luke and Rufus didn’t have it in them to get another pet.      

Snickers jumped onto the bed and snuggled into Meddows hand. “Your growing so big now” when he found her she could just about fit into his palm but now she was the size of two of his hands. Meddows laid back against his bed and looked around his room. 

One wall was covered in band posters from different concert he had attended from over the years and another a wall of pictures of his different friends, mostly of him and Tegan. His several bases were hung up on the wall, some gifts from Luke and some be brought himself. Including a black one that was his very first bass, Luke gave him. His favorite thing on the wall was a poster of his band. 

Meddows was lead singer and bassist of a band called The Operation that he created with a few friends of his. They were mildly successful while playing several gigs a month and a few songs online. They got most of their attention from fans of Rufus and Luke. 

After a few minutes of just laying with his kitten before he fell asleep. He realized all at once how tired he was and the softness of his bed seemed to overtake him into sleep. 

He woke up at the sound of his door opening and his cat jumping off his head, onto the floor and burrowed under his bed again. 

“What did you do?” it was Henry Taylor who interrupted his beauty sleep. Henry was very different looking from Meddows. 

He had naturally black hair and brown eyes that were covered by thick-rimmed prescription glasses be had been wearing since he was 8. He was wearing the same uniform as Meddows but he wasn't covered in dirt. If you saw him and Meddows together you wouldn't think they were related in any way shape or form. 

One thing about Henry that Meddows didn't have was smarts. He had straight A’s in all his classes and was always top class. Meddows was more interested in music than school so he got A and Bs.

Henry was always very shy. He was okay with his brother and his parents but as the school, he never talked and had a tight group of friends. Meddows was the kid with all the friends and all the charisma in the world, so he was loved by everyone. 

“I didn't do anything” Meddows replied, rubbing his eyes and not caring that he was found in just his boxers. “That guy Noah beat the crap out of me” he explained. 

“Noah? The tall guy with friends?” he nodded yes at Henry's guess. “I've seen him around a few times but I never wanted to talk to him or hang out with him” Henry stayed away from all of that. 

“Good, I wouldn't either” Meddows pulled himself out of bed. 

“Dinners ready by the way” he suddenly remembers what he came in the room to do. 

“I'll be down in a minute, also how was school?” him and Henry were never amazing friends but they did love each other and acted like most brothers. 

“Pretty good, not much has happened yet so we'll have to see,” he said from the doorway and shrugged his shoulders before he left, most likely heading down for dinner. Meddows pulled on some plaid pajama pants and a long sleeve to protect him from the cold of her house and followed Henry down. 

“Meddos!” her voice was small but very loud at the same time, like a big ball of energy. It was his little sister River Taylor. Now she was 2 years and 8 months old and a very vibrant little girl. Her face was covered by her long blonde hair similar to Meddows and she had big piercing bless eyes and pale skin. 

Meddows was one of her favorite people in the world and Meddows felt the need to love and protect her as a good big brother should. 

“Hey squirt” he pinched her cheek as she was holding onto his leg. 

“River come here!” Rufus called for her from the table as he was setting the plates while Henry was setting up the cutlery.   

“It’s okay, I got her” Meddows let her hold on and walked towards the table while she was giggling and smiling and didn’t let go till he sat down in his table spot. River let go and ran into Rufus’s arms and he twirled her around before placing her down in her high chair.    

Rufus and Luke sat at the head of the table with River sitting next to them on the highchair. Henry was sitting across from Meddows like he always did. 

Despite all the weirdness of the day, family dinner was something normal. Something routine that would never change. It was Meddows favorite part of the day, he got to talk with his dad and his brother. 

They were his family, he could always trust them with anything. 

A sense of normalcy. 

“He’s graduating soon” 

“Yeah, he’s growing up so fast.'' 

“Rufus, we have to tell him”. 

“I don’t know, how do you think he will react?”. 

“Not well, not well at all”. 

“We’ll tell him...one day, one day…”.

Chapter Text

A few years earlier…... 

Meddows 14 years old. 

Henry: 10 years old. 

“I think my sperm is cursed”. 

“Luke, your sperm is not cursed”. 

“Rufus, I really think it is” 43-year-old Luke Deacon was talking with his husband Rufus who was 44. They wanted another kid. It had been 10 years since they had Henry and luke was experiencing the baby blues after all these years. “I’m cursed with something, every kid I have something goes wrong” Luke raised his hand and gestured to himself. 

“Luke baby, if it makes you feel better we’ll use my sperm to have another baby” Rufus was laying on the bed next to him and ran his hand through Luke's hair and held his hand. 

“You would do that for me?” they couldn’t use Tigerlily anymore since she was busy having her own children so they would get a surrogate. It would be harder since they would have to find someone and learn to trust them enough to have a baby. They even had to take a test so they could find out if their sperm was still active. 

“Of course honey” they had thought about this pregnancy more than they did Henry's or Meddoes which were kind of spur of the moment. They had been talking about it for the last year trying to work up the courage to do it. 

“You think Henry and Meddows will be excited?” Luke asked, propping himself up on his elbows so he could look at his husband's blue eyes that didn’t seem to change with age. 

“Of course they will baby” he placed a kiss against his head and stroked his cheek with his thumb. It would most likely be harder for them to get pregnant because of their age. However, Roger had Rufus’s sister Lola when he was 51 so they were young by comparison “So what do you predict, boy or girl?”. 

“Boy,” the couple said at the same time. Luke was happy to talk about their metaphorical baby. He was pass mourning for Veronica but he still thought about her and still kept her little goose toy with her ashes in it on his bedside table. 

“Third times a charm” Rufus giggled and kissed him again, “I can’t wait to have another baby with you”. 

“I can’t wait too” he cuddled his face into Rufus’s shoulder. Luke loved having children no matter how scary it was. He didn’t really care if it was a boy or a girl or an alien as long as it was healthy. He knew Henry and Meddows wanted a sibling, they had mentioned it before. Now all they had to do was to find a surrogate... 

“Are you Samantha?” Luke and Rufus approached a woman who looked similar to Rufus, she was blonde and had big blue eyes and porcelain pale skin. 

“Yes, are you Luke and Rufus?” Samantha stood up to shake their hand and pulled them into a hug. Samantha was the woman Luke and Rufus had chosen to be their surrogate for their third child. What attracted them to her the most was how experienced she was, she was 32 but had been through about 3 pregnancies for different people with no complications. 

“It’s nice to meet you” Luke hugged her first and then Rufus. They were meeting at a coffee shop so they could talk about their possible pregnancy.   

“Thank you for coming” Samantha was the one who wanted to meet with them after talking with them over the phone. 

This pregnancy would be different from Meddows or Henry’s. She wouldn’t be living with them since she had her own place and she wasn’t part of either of their families like Tigerlily was. She was kind, loving and was happy to learn about their family and their children. 

“This one is Meddows and this is Henry” Rufus was showing his pictures of his phone, some of when they were babies and somewhere more current. His favorites were one of Meddows when he was about two and sitting on Rufus’s shoulders and another of Henry playing on the beach with Luke. 

“They're adorable, so why were you interested in having another child?” Samantha asked as she looked at the pictures.   

“I was the one who brought it up,” Luke said as he was also looking at the pictures to reminisce. “I just missed having little ones around and we always wanted another child but never had the chance too” it was true, they did wait a long time to have another child. Things seemed to be calming down now and it seemed like the perfect time to finally do it.  

“Yeah, and we're so thankful to have you” Rufus held her hand in a way that made her feel appreciated. 

Being a surrogate was hard in the UK. It was illegal to advertise and also illegal to pay them for having a baby. She was doing this out of the kindness of her heart.  

“And I'm happy to help” she looked between the couple, they looked so happy to meet her. Like they had known her for a long time. Luke already loved her and so did Rufus, they were sure Meddows and Henry would like her as well. 

“Thank you, Thank you…” 

“Meddows, Henry! Can you come downstairs for a second?” Rufus called for them from downstairs where Luke and he were waiting. Henry can down from upstairs with Meddows following behind him, they were busy doing their homework while his parents where figure out how they were going to tell them.

“What is it?” Meddows sat next to Henry on the couch and across from their parents. 

“I and dad have something very important to tell you” Rufus started first and had his arm wrapped around Luke's shoulder, acting as relaxed as possible. 

“So...when dad and papa love each other very much they-” Luke started. 

“NOOOOO” Meddows and Henry screamed and covered their ears for the horror they expected to hear. 

“I’m just joking!” Luke raised his hands as Rufus was laughing to himself. 

“Don’t ever do that again” henry removed his hands from his head and the brothers relaxed again. 

“But we do really have something to tell you” he was back to serious mode “me and papa have been wanting another child for a long time and us-”. He could tell they were catching on. 

“So we're gonna get a sibling?” meddows asked, both he and Henry looked happy. 

“Yes, we got a surrogate and your going to have a sibling” Rufus was smiling at them and they were smiling right back.   

“Are you happy about this?” Luke asked hopefully. 

“I’m fine with it, I was getting tired of this one” Meddows pointed at Henry in a joking way and hit him in the shoulder, Henry was laughing with him.  

“I’m happy” Henry was smiling in the way he always did, not a very big smile but one that got across the joy he felt. Luke and Rufus knew they would be happy, they were both good with children like their cousins and they made plans for Samantha to meet them in a few days. 

“Good thing you guys are happy, cause otherwise, we would have some problems” Rufus laughed with everyone as he looked around at his family. He could feel this ease that he didn’t feel with the other pregnancies and Luke could feel it too. It was a strange feeling.

8 months later……….

May 20 

Luke ran his hands on the smooth wood of the white crib that their child would be sleeping in very soon. It was placed in him and Rufus’s room for now so they could watch over them and then it would be moved into the fully decked out nursery. The colors were completely gender-neutral since they wanted to be surprised by the gender of their baby. 

They predicted it being a boy but Luke wouldn’t be upset if it was a girl. He expected himself to be nervous about it being a girl because of Veronica. However, he had completely mourned and knew that what happened to Veronica would never happen again. A baby girl would be a new experience for both of them and their children. 

He was starting to feel like his dad, having lots of children and preparing for them. History repeats itself. 

“Hey, gorgeous” Rufus came up behind him and kissed his ear lobe and wrapped his arms around his waist.

“Hey blondie” Luke reached behind himself and felt his hair to make sure he was there “This is a nice crib”. 

“Well, it’s Meddows old crib so I'm happy it held up” he suddenly remembered it and could see a little bit of the paint chipping from previous use. 

“The baby will like it” speaking of the baby, it was four days overdue date. Samantha was staying with them until the baby came because she didn’t want to be far away from them when she gave birth. On the bright side, it gave them a few days to take more pictures. Their favorites where one’s of Meddows and Henry leaning against her stomach and one of Rufus kissing her stomach.  

“Are you excited?”. 

“Of course I am, I can’t wait to know-” Luke started. 

“Rufus! Luke!” Samantha was calling from downstairs. There was an emergency in her voice that they could recognize from Tigerlilys births. Luke and Rufus rushed downstairs and found Samantha stood near the couch where she had been relaxing just a few minutes ago. Meddows and Henry didn’t hear a thing since they were busy relaxing upstairs in their rooms. 

“Sam what’s wrong-” Rufus was going to ask but said no more when he saw water on her pants and the cushions.   

“I’ll get a towel” Luke saw the water as well and went down the hall and brought back a towel so she could dry herself off. 

“I’m gonna go hop in the shower” Samantha was calm because she was used to this by now and knew how to time her contractions. 

“Do you need any help?” Rufus asked he was surprised at how calm she was. 

“No, I can handle it, I’ll call if I need anything” she took out her toiletries and headed for the bathroom on the lower level of the house. 

“You wanna go talk to the kids?” Rufus asked. 

“Yeah, I’ll talk to Meddows” Luke nodded and went upstairs to talk to him while Rufus went to talk to Henry.

“Meddows?” Luke knocked on his bedroom door where he could hear him playing his bass. 

“Come in” the young boy called for his dad. He was lying on his bed with his bass in hand and playing a song he was still in the middle of writing.

“Hey duckie” luke took a seat next to him on his bed and moved a piece of his son's blonde hair out of his eyes so he could see his dad clearly. “Sams water broke and she’ll be giving birth to the baby soon so I was just wondering if you wanted to come to the hospital with me and papa to the hospital?” meddows knew about birth and how babies were made because of school so he knew exactly what a trip to the hospital would entail. 

“Sure why not” Luke was not expecting that. 

“Really?”. 

“I’ve got nothing better to do” he shrugged his shoulders and sat up on his bed. 

“You're the best, kid” Luke ruffled his hair and placed a kiss on his forehead “I’ll tell you when we’re ready to go”. He left his sons room and made his way back downstairs where Rufus was waiting for him, Henry’s room had moved downstairs so the nursery could be closer to their room. 

“Meddows wants to go”. 

“Henry does too so that solves that-” screaming, loud, eardrum piercing screaming coming from the bathroom. Rufus ran to the room and banged on the door that was locked “Sam, Sam!”. The door unlocked and inside was Sam sitting on the toilet with her clothes on sloppily and still wet hair, she was clutching her stomach. 

“They're getting closer together” contractions “I'm dilating right now”. 

“It's too early, how long had it been?” Rufus asked the universe. 

“About 30 minutes….I'll get the kids and the bags” Luke was already on it. “Henry get up, the baby's coming” he banged on his youngest son's door and could hear him getting up from outside. He was running up the stairs to the nursery first to get the hospital bag that was already prepared “Meddows the baby's coming”. 

The entirety of the Deacon/Taylor family was gathered downstairs while Rufus was starting to get Sam in the car so they could head to the hospital. “Henry, Meddows take this to the car and I'll be out in a minute” Meddows took the hospital bag and Henry followed behind him. 

Luke grabbed the rest of the things they needed and then the reality of the situation hit him. He was having another child, he wasn't panicking (yet), he wasn't upset (hopefully). He was proud of himself. 

He walked to the car with a pimp in his step and joy on his face, Sam, on the other hand, was not so amazing. She was sitting up in front next to Rufus who was driving while Meddows, Henry and Luke were pushed into the back seats. Luke held her hand as she kept having contractions and let out loud grunts of pain. 

“We'll be there in a little while” Rufus readied her as they hit the highway. 

“I don't know if it'll say in that long” that was everything went to shit. 

“What do you mean?” Luke asked, his hand covered in finger marks where she had held him. 

“I'm dilating fast, I'm trying not to push but if it's too long it might slip out on its own-” another contraction. Luke looked at Rufus for a second. He wasn't worried about her giving birth in the car, it was more the fact that they didn't know what to do once it was born. 

They were both there for Meddows and Henry's birth but other than that they had no medical training. 

“Just hold on as long as you can” Rufus began driving faster, it was about an hour into her labor. Meddows and Henry were looking on curiously but also weirdly in cause the saw something they didn't want to see. 

“L-Luke, if it comes out I need you to catch it” she was talking about the baby.

“Catch it? If It comes out or-” he realized what he may have to do and agreed. 

Luckily it didn't come to that and they arrived at the hospital after about an hour and a half into labor. Henry and Meddoes got out of the car and stood to the side so that Rufus could get Sam a wheelchair so they could wheel her into the labor unit. She was about 6 cm dilated, almost ready to push but she was holding it in. 

Rufus went up and talked to the front desk, while Luke was busy consolidating the children. “you don't have to come into the room, you can wait outside if you want” he told them. 

“Well stay outside” both the brothers said at the same time, both agreed they didn't want to see “that”. Luke looked back and saw a crowd of nurses going over to Sam and rolling her away while Rufus gestured to follow. 

Sam was put in a room down the hall and as soon as she was placed the nurses walked away. “I'll help you up” Luke helped her on the bed which was a task on its own because she was having contractions through everything while screaming. 

“I’m going to start push-” another contraction that was the hardest of all while still squeezing onto Luke's arm. He didn’t mind though, probably because he couldn’t feel it since her grip was cutting off his circulation.

“Where the fuck are all the doctors!” Rufus was trying to get people's attention but no one was listening to them so he was going to have to handle this himself. He had two kids already so he should know how to do it, right? How hard could it be?  

“Your doing good” Luke was standing by Sam next to the bed, her legs were spread on the bed and Rufus was at the front of the bed where the doctor should have been. Rufus looked calm but was actually flipping his shit while frantically googling “how to deliver a baby”. 

“Rufus, you need to catch it when it comes out!” Sam reminded him, he looked up at Luke who was staring back at him and giving him a look that said “do it” Rufus pulled some gloves on and prepared for what was about to happen. 

Outside the room….

“She’s screaming a lot” Henry and Meddows were peaking into the hospital room where their parents and new sibling where.      

“She’s having a baby, looks pretty painful” Meddows starred in, they were scared of what they would see but didn’t really want to miss all the action.  

“Three, two, one, push” Rufus counted down and Sam pushed with all the strength inside of her. The head was starting to come out now and he was prepared to catch it whenever he needed to. “Just a little bit more, your almost there” with every push they came closer and closer to meeting his child, boy or girl he didn’t care as long as it was healthy.  

“AH” she pushed again and the head was almost completely out and the only thing left was the shoulders. 

“Okay, Sam, one, two, three” that was enough for her to push for one last time. The baby broke free of the confines of her womb and into papa awaiting hands that were right there to catch it.   

“Is it supposed to look like that?” Henry asked. 

“I think so, it’s supposed to pop out soon-OH MY GOD” Meddows had just witnessed the beautiful, weird and gross miracle of life. 

“Luke, Lukie, I caught our baby”. 

“You did Rufus, you did good babe” Luke was crying now that he saw the baby. It came out with a big cry that filled the room and could most likely be heard from the hallway.

“Blanket, blanket” he reached out his hand and Luke handed him the yellow blanket they had brought with them and wrapped the little baby like a burrito before holding it to his chest. 

“Is-is it a boy or a girl?” Sam asked she was out of breath from pushing and was laying against the bed with her chest heaving. 

“Oh right, I didn’t check” Rufus giggled to himself at his mistake and loosed the blanket so he could check “It’s a girl!!”. The little girl slowly stopped crying as he held her and rocked her back and forth. She was a beautiful baby with a layer of whitish blonde hair and soft porcelain skin. 

The hospital room door suddenly slammed open and the parents were met with a crowd of nurses and doctors that were staring at them and their new little miracle. With the door being opened both Meddows and Henry fell to the ground. They had been leaning on the door to look in but were pushed out of the way by the doctors and nurses. 

“It’s a girl!” the boys said in unison with their arms raised in excitement, they were still on the floor. The doctor made their way over to them and started profusely apologizing while the nurses went over to take care of Sam and cut the umbilical cord that was still attached to her. Rufus still held his daughter to his chest to keep her warm and calm. 

“We need to take her for a second to check her over but she’ll be right back,” the nurse told Rufus. He didn’t want to let her go, she was too perfect to be let go but he complied anyway. He looked down at his button-up shirt and his hands that were now covered in reddish fluid from holding her but he didn’t mind. He looked back at the door and saw his sons finally start to get off the hospital floor and onto their feet. 

“Well boys, you have a little sister now” Luke wrapped his arms around his sons and pat their backs. 

“You guys are going to keep her safe right?” Rufus asked them. 

“I’ll try, Henry not so much but I will” he teased his brother. The nurses came back in with their baby girl and placed her in Rufus’s arms. 

“Hey honey” he cooed at the little girl then handed her to Luke so he could hold her for a little bit. 

“She's so cute,” Luke said, kissing her head and lips as she squirmed a little bit in his arms “honey, these are your big brothers”. He held her out for them to see and they just stared at her. 

“Hi... you,” Meddows said awkwardly, she didn't have a name yet. 

“She's looks, human” Henry added they were really bad at compliments. 

“Do you wanna hold her?” Luke asked and Meddows kindly accepted the little burrito baby. Luke adjusted his arm so he was cradling her head and holding her body with his other arm. Meddows rocked her back and forth. 

He didn’t really know how to feel. This random girl just popped into his parent's arms and they were somehow related. He thought she was cute. Henry thought something similar but they were both excited to have a sibling. Lots of crying, diapers, and less attention but still happy. 

 Luke was sitting shirtless in the hospital room with his daughter lying on his chest, his husband was sitting next to him and looking down at her. “She loves you already” Rufus kissed his cheek and felt a little bit of hair on his daughter's head.    

“I love this cute little slimeball” they both laughed at the little nickname. It was late that night and Sam was sleeping from all the energy delivering the little girl took from her and Meddows and Henry went to stay with Tigerlily for the night. The little girl began to wake up and opened her eyes for the very first time. Her eyes were bright blue like oceans and rivers, the same brightness he saw in Rufus’s eyes and Meddow’s. 

“Her eyes are so beautiful” Rufus felt tears coming as he looked at his daughter. 

“She still doesn't have a name” Luke reminded him as she started playing with his finger.   

“What name could fit with this little one?” they stayed silent for a minute as they thought of some ideas. 

“Maya, Alice” luke came up with some. 

“Sophia, lily...River” he thought of the name when looking at her eyes and how blue they were. 

“River’s nice, Ms. River Taylor” Luke presented his daughter to the world. 

Luke was a husband and the parent of three children, two boys, and a little girl. Life was strange and wonderful all at the same time. 

“This pregnancy actually went well” Rufus was surprised and Luke was as well. Other than Sam giving birth in only 2 hours, everything went fine. 

“Let’s get vasectomies together” Luke suggested. 

“Luke was both men, we aren't gonna get each other pregnant”.

“It'll be a nice bonding experience” sounding like a parent trying to spend time with their kids.

“Yeah, instead of dinner we get our penises cut-up” Rufus jokes, maybe not the most appropriate joke to make around a 5 hour-year-old baby but it made Luke laugh. 

“I love you,” Luke said still giggling. 

“I love you too Lukie and you” he kissed his husband on the lips and then kissed River on the forehead, it made her smile for the first time. “We have the best kids”.

“Yeah…...they're okay”. 

Chapter Text

It was a bad idea

Calling you up

Was such a bad idea

'Cause now I'm even more lost

It was a bad idea

To think you were the one

Was such a bad idea

'Cause now everything's wrong

-girl in red 

“I got us a gig!” Meddows came bouncing into his friend's garage, his bass case over his shoulder and his school uniform still on. The rest of Meddows bandmates for his band The Operation were meeting in Jake’s parent's garage (he was the drummer). Jacob was the lead guitarist, Wyatt the keyboard player and backup singer, Meddows played bass and the lead singer. 

Meddows had been writing music since he was 10 and singing since he was a toddler. Luke saw the signs first when his little boy would scream in his free time and had such joy doing it, he does have a talent for screaming. When he was around 5 Meddows started singing his parents songs at school and at home and he actually started sounding good. At 7 Luke gave him his first bass and helped his singing. Neither Luke nor Rufus had pressured him to sing or play bass, it was something he was just drawn too and loved to do.

The Operation was formed a year and a half ago, Meddows had been jamming out with Jacob for a while and they both wanted to start a band. They found Wyatt and Jake through the music class both of them were a part of. 

Jacob came up with the name “The Operation” since it was the nickname for the band before they even thought of giving it a name. They had released a few singles that were quite successful due to Rufus and Luke promoting them but some joined solely because they loved their rock and roll/indie style of sound. Meddows sounded a lot like Luke but he had more range, louder and fit more with the rock and roll sound. He and Luke were also similar looks wise and their fans made sure to remind him about it all. The. time.     

“Where is it?” Jacob asked, they had placed a ton of gigs before but Meddows seemed more excited about this one than the other they had played at.

“You know Riley” Meddows placed his case down and hopped onto the couch where the rest of the guys were sitting. 

“Riley Rowell?” Jake asked.

“Yep that’s the guy, he’s having this big birthday party tomorrow and wants us to play!” he held his arms open with a big bright smile on his face like he was expecting the rest of his mates to be as excited as he was. 

“A party? Really” Wyatt said, they could do better than a teenagers birthday party. 

“He’s paying us and about 100 people are gonna be there, plus we just have to play for a few hours and then we get free food and drinks!” Meddows knew they couldn’t say no to free food and drinks. 

“I’m fine with it, it’ll get our name out there” Jacob agreed to the gig and the rest of the boys nodded their approval hesitantly. They were silent for a second before Jacob butt in again “I have an idea”. 

“What is it?” Wyatt asked. 

“For this gig since this is our biggest, we need to get a cooler look” everyone else agreed. They mostly wore normal clothes when performing so some change would be good, even if just for this gig.

“You guys figure out what you’re gonna do but I have an idea for myself…” Meddows said, it could be a good or bad idea but it was different...

The blue-eyed, blonde hair little boy was no longer blonde. Meddows picked up the towel that was laying on the sink and dried his hair that was starting to curl. He was always called the blonde boy or golden boy. He didn’t mind the nickname but there was something derogatory about it. 

Blonde. Youthful, nieve, feminine and obedient. Brown, the same color as Luke’s but lighter. Earthy, wood, stability, like the fall or winter. He looked in the mirror, bright blue eyes staring back at himself. He picked up his phone and started texting Tegan...   

(My Cinnamon Apple) Tegan Malek/Mercury

Meddows: I did some shit

Tegan: ????

Meddows: IDK if you’ll like it

Tegan: Med, what did you do

Tegan: DID YOU DO SOMETHING TO SNICKERS 

Meddows: NO

Meddows: I’ll send you a picture. 

His hair was pinned up in a little bun and he was shirtless, his new dark brown hair on full display. 

Tegan: Thanks, I kind of hate it

Meddows: rude 

Tegan: It’s not that bad

Tegan: just weird. 

Meddows: I like it 

Tegan: Is that for the party? 

Meddows: Yep, still coming? 

Tegan: Yah, can you give me a ride there from my house? 

Meddows: Yeah i’ll be there around 6 

Tegan: okay :)

Tegan: bloop

Meddows: doop. 

He sent the picture to her at 5:30 and began getting dressed. His bass was in it’s case ready to go, along with his speakers and microphone.

His outfit was more on the rock and roll side with a leather jacket, a white undershirt, and rolled-up blue jeans with boots. His hair was sitting on his shoulder with the natural waves showing through. Meddows grabbed his case, wallet, keys and other equipment. 

“Dad, Pa, I'm heading out!” Meddows walked downstairs with his bags and saw his dads relaxing on the couch in the living room and River playing on the floor. 

“Heading to the party your playing at-Woah!” Rufus talked to his son casually but stopped when he saw his new hair up close.     

“What the hell did you do?” Luke sat up and felt Meddows hair. 

“I dyed it” he showed it off. 

“You look like your dad!” Rufus said, laughing to himself. 

“Is that a bad thing!” Luke looked at his husband offensively. 

“No dear” Rufus defender himself, Meddows loved watching them bicker. It was funny and nice to see his parents still so much in love after all these years. Some kids didn't have it as good as him so he appreciated it... 

“Well, I'm leaving” he made his way to the door. 

“Hey!” Rufus stopped him “be home by the time we wake up tomorrow if you gonna drink please do it below the legal limit and if you get in trouble call us okay?”. Rufus and Luke knew they couldn't stop a young teenage boy from drinking or possibly doing something illegal, they were once his age and did the same things. Meddows would learn from his mistakes. If he got drunk and admitted it to his dad's he would get in trouble but he would get in even more trouble if he kept it from them. The worst he ever drank was one beer and it was his first time drinking. Meddows knew he could come to his parents about anything, even to bail him out of jail (hasn't happened yet) or break him out (if necessary). 

“Okay, I will” the now brunet agreed to the terms and reached for the door “love you guys”. 

“Love you too” Luke and Rufus called after him. 

Meddows loaded his stuff onto the wagon for his bike. He only had a bike since he couldn't drive yet, but be liked biking so it wasn't much of a problem. The metal wagon was big enough to fit all his equipment and his bass. He checked the lights and the tires before riding off towards Tegan’s house. 

Meddows: I'm outside 

Tegan: okay coming 

Tegan came out a few minutes later, “You look nice” Meddows complimented. She wore something nicer than what others would be wearing, a nice black dress that was a little more fitting and was age-appropriate for a 14-year-old. 

“Thank you my dear” she tipped her dress and was luckily wearing shorts to protect her from the cold weather of the night. She hopped onto the back of his bike and wrapped his arms around his waist “The hair doesn't look as bad as I expected”. 

“Thank you?” he wasn’t sure if he was being complimented or insulted. “You gonna be okay at the party?” Meddows asked she would be the youngest person at the party and the only people she knew there were him and the rest of the band. Tegan was a shy girl and didn’t have a lot of friends but she was kind and bubbly to the people she knew well.    

“I’ll be fine, your gonna do great,” she said as they rode through the night and came upon Riley's mansion of a house. 

It was about the size of Meddows house but this one seemed more extravagant. The party wasn’t in full swing yet but from the front gate, the couple could see the pool in the backyard and strobe light coming from the windows. Meddows rode up to the front gate and pressed the buzzer “Who is it?” he could hear Riley's voice over the intercom. 

“It’s Meddows” he spoke, the line was silent for a second before the gate unlocked and he pushed it open to head inside. 

“Big House” Tegan commented and hopped off the bike as they walked up the driveway and to the front door. They saw Wyatt, Jacob, and Jack waiting outside for them. 

“Hey guys” Meddows and Tegan waved at them as they approached. 

“Hey, Hey Tegan” they greeted their lead singer and Tegan. They knew her well since she was always hanging around Meddows and where always friendly with her. 

“Come on in guys!” Riley came to the door a few minutes later and helped them with their equipment. “You guys can set up here” he leads them through the lower level of the house. They set up at the patio stage outside, next to the pool, near the outdoor living space where the main party would be taking place and close to the kitchen where some food and drinks were already set up (some regular drinks and some alcoholic). They set down their stuff and started tuning their instruments. 

“You guys ready?” Jacob asked as people started gathering in the house and the booze started coming out.

“Let’s do it” Meddows nodded at his band and looked out into the crowd that had gathered outside and looked at the several couched that were filled with people and saw Tegan. She was sitting on the end with some soda in her cup, looking up at her best friend. She gave them a thumbs up and smiled at them for encouragement. Meddows played the first string and put his face to the microphone “I feel you close to me...

Meddows played the last note of their last song, moved the long hair out of his face and looked up. The crowd was cheering for them. They had been playing for about 2 hours now and Riley finally informed them they were done for the night. “Thank you” he waved to the crowd and everyone else took their bows. The party-goers slowly made their way inside for the cake that was just being served. 

“Amazing” Tegan walked up to the stage as they were packing up.

“Why thank you, I only serve to please you” Meddows bowed dramatically and kissed her hand. Wyatt made the catcalls whistle at their affection which made Meddows chase after him and pretends to hit him. 

Tegan and Meddoes weren't dating but sometimes he wished they were. During their set he noticed her talking to some other guys next to her and she seemed uncomfortable around them but he kept on playing. He felt bad for dragging her into the party but she seemed happy just being with him and helping them pack up. 

“Guys! Come on it, join the fun!” Riley called them into the house with quite a few drinks in his hands and some girls surrounding him. 

“Wanna go in?” Tegan asked, holding Meddows arms. 

“Hell yeah!” Meddows said loudly, the rest of the band followed him in. Into the brightness of the house and the darkness of the events that would occur hours later.

WARNING: KIND OF NSFW AHEAD 

Lights, music, softness. Meddows Taylor held his red solo cup in his hand and softness against his head. He then realized that the softness was actually Tegan’s boob that his head was laying against, he didn’t even realize he was doing it but he didn’t feel like moving yet. He hadn’t drunk that much, just one or two cups but he didn’t feel drunk at all. Tegan only drank one too since she had never drunk before. He wasn’t supposed to drink alcohol while on his seizure medication but what damage could a few glasses do?    

“Walk with me?” Meddows sat up and looked up at Tegan. They were sitting in the big living room surrounded by people. Just off in the distance, they could see Jack, Jacob and Wyatt chatting up some girls in the kitchen with a few drinks in their hands. 

“Sure” Tegan got up and held Meddows hand to help him up and off the couch. They shoved past the crowd of people around them and made their way down the hall that had three or four rooms in it and entered into one of the guest bedrooms. 

They were alone together, kind of tipsy but not drunk. “What is it?” Tegan asked they were standing in the middle of the room and staring at each other. 

“Are you okay?” Meddows asked and was still holding her hand. He just wanted to check up on her and see if she was okay with being at the party or if she wanted to go home.

“Yeah I'm good, just a little tipsy” she rocked back and forth on her heels and looking up at him with her big dough brown eyes.   

“Okay, just checking up on you” Meddows was a little more drunk than her. He turned around and flopped onto the bed that was behind him in a sort of drunken tiredness that came over him.  

“What are you doing?” Tegan giggled and flopped down next to him and rolled on her side so that she was facing him. 

“Admiring the view” he was staring at the ceiling and then at Tegan “You look nice tonight” he whispered to her like he was trying to hide what he was saying. 

“You said that earlier but thank you” she accepted his complement slightly and moved her body closer to his.  

“You don’t take compliments very well” he observed and knew her very well and that she was self-conscious. 

“Well I wanted to be a model but I don't really think I'm cut out for it” he could remember Tegan modeling for him when they were kids. 

“I think you could do it, you’re beautiful” he pressed their foreheads together. 

“Meddows, what’s going on between us?” she was asking the question that was on his mind as well. He stayed silent for a minute to think of something to say. 

“I don’t know Tegan,” he thought back on everything, every cuddle, hug, or kiss by accident “You know I love you right?”. 

“And I love you too,” he told her every night, whether over the phone or text and he always meant it. 

“That's what we are” they were love, maybe not in the way people thought but a kind and passionate love. Their moved and faces were less than an inch apart now. 

“Can I um..” she was stuttering because she was nervous.

“Whatever it is, yes” he already knew what she was going to ask and went in for it. Tegan cuffed the back of his head and held him close before both of them leaned in and sealed the deal together with a kiss. 

Tegan had never kissed anyone before and just let Meddows lead the way, pulling her close to him on the bed but not too close as to make her feel comfortable. He moved his hand to the small of her neck and her cheek, “Are you okay?” He asked between kisses. 

“Yes,” she took a break just to breathe for a second before finally getting comfortable and wrapping her arms around his neck to get more of him. She felt this warm feeling inside of herself like she was being burned from the inside but didn't want to stop it. Meddows took his time exploring small parts of her body like her neck, back, waist, before landing on her thigh. He could feel Tegan daring him to do more in a kind of controlling way that he had never seen her before. She knew what she wanted. 

“Tegan i-” he pulled away finally and saw what he was doing for the first time with clear eyes. Tegans lips were red from the kiss and she was still holding onto him. “Fuck, do you want to do more?” he was staring down at her and almost moved his hand away from her thigh. 

“Yes I do, can we go slow” her voice was quiet again and self-conscious. 

“Okay, that’s okay, just tell me if you want to slow down or stop okay? Don’t be afraid to say something” he wanted to make her as comfortable as possible. Meddows could remember his first time and how awkward and weird it was, he didn’t want that with Tegan. Especially because she was so young.

“Okay I will” she nodded her head and kissed him again. Meddows slowly began to crawl his hand up her thigh until he reached her back where the zipper of her dress was. 

“Can I?” he asked for permission as he held the zip. 

“I’ll do it” she reached behind herself and unzipped her dress and pulled it off before throwing it off to the side. She was sitting on the bed with just her bra and shorts on, Meddows began to undress as well. 

He pulled her into a kiss again like he never would be kissed again. He ran his hands over her skin, looking at the brown pigment and the small imperfections on her skin that he saw as beautiful. 

You put your hands under my shirt

Undid my bra and said these words

"Darling, you're so pretty, it hurts"

You pushed me up against my wall

Threw my clothes down on the floor

"Darling, are you ready for more?"

Tegan was his best friend, the love of his life. He never admitted his feelings for her and she did the same for him. Meddows likes just being friends with her but there was always a steering thought in his head and heart that said otherwise. Tegan would be lying if she said she wasn't attracted to Meddows physically or emotionally. She never expected him to reciprocate feelings back. 

Having sex with him was releasing all the pent up emotions she held in for years. Finally being able to experience something with the only person she wanted to be with. Maybe it was a one time thing or a drunken fling they would forget in the morning but…. She wanted to ask in it as long as possible.

2 am 

Meddows wasn’t expecting to wake up on top of Tegan, his chest pressed against her back and his arms holding her close to him. “W-wha” Meddows awoke in a strange bed that's he was unfamiliar with and in a house that wasn't his own. 

“Hm-Meddows?” Tegan woke up as well weeks rubbed her eyes before she even realized he was on top of her. 

“Oh shut sorry” he rolled off her and finally remembered what happened. He and Tegan were laying in bed naked and somewhat hungover “Are you okay?”. 

“Sore” if was all now just hitting her. She just lost her virginity and lost it to her best friend. The boy she knew since she was born. 

“It'll go away in a little while, turn around I'll rub your back” she complied and turned around so Meddows could rub up and down her back and shoulders. He was gentle with her so as not to hurt her even more. “Your gorgeous” he kissed her back and moved the hair out of her face. 

“You were good” she was talking about the sex. Having sex in a random house may not have been the most romantic first time in the world but it was feeling pretty romantic right then. 

“Did I hurt you or-” Meddows asked with slight concern in his voice. 

“No, No, I’m okay,” she said quickly and turned to face him in the bed, she was silent for a second. Running her fingers over his collarbone and his bare chest “I just wanted to know if were-”. 

“Meddows! Meddows! Are you in here-HOLY SHIT” Riley called from the hall and stumbled into the guest room with a bottle of alcohol in his hand and saw Meddows and Tegan. He yelled as soon as he saw them. Tegan grabbed for the covers quickly to cover herself up and Meddows got out of bed and helped her cover-up. “I fucking called it, I knew you two where fucking” Riley didn’t care about their nudity and was more focused on him being right “You know it's like of selfish to do it as my party though”. 

“Riley, can we please be left alone to get dressed please” Meddows stood in front of the bed to hide Tegan, not really caring that he was nude. 

“Okay, okay, fine, also there’s blood on your penis” Riley used that to run out of the bedroom laughing to himself. He looked down and saw the blood he was talking about that was on the condom while Tegan was covering her face out of embarrassment. 

“Tegan it’s okay, here let’s get dressed” He picked up her clothes and handed them for her to change while frantically searching for his own clothes. He looked all over the floor and found his shirt and jacket but couldn’t for the life of him find his pants and underwear. “Where are my pants-” he talked to himself and then realized something “RILEY GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKING PANTS”.    

He ran out of the bedroom while covering his junk up with his hands. Several people were passed out in the hallway and in the other spare room of the house. “Riley!” he spoke kind of quietly so as not to wake people up “Riley!”. 

“Hello there” Riley was holding his pants while standing at the end of the hall.  

“Riley give them back now!” He was enraged with his dignity was bruised from the entire situation. 

“Okay, okay, I’m just fucking with you” he threw his hands up in defense and threw the pants down the hall. 

“Thank you,” Meddows said sarcastically and picked up his pants, he almost tripped as he tried to slip them on while running back to Tegan. 

As he entered the room Tegan was just zipping her dress up and pulling her shoes on in a rush “Let’s go, you staying at my place”. Tegan nodded before taking his hand and letting him pull her out of the room and through the halls of the house. They didn’t look back at the house, not until they were riding away into the night on Meddows bike. Out of the house and into the darkness. 

Their ride was silent for a few minutes, they didn’t really know what to say after what they did together. “How many people have you slept with?” Tegan was the first person to break the silence, to Meddows surprise. 

“What qualifies as sleeping with?” Meddows asked. 

“Putting your stuff in another person's stuff” she was still weirded out by sex a little bit with having just lost her virginity. 

“Five people, three girls, and two boys...along with some other things I've done with people” Meddows was somewhat open with his sexuality and sexual activities with both boys and girls. 

“When did you become a man whore?” Tegan asked half-joking and half-serious. 

“Ha, when I was about 14” his dads taught him about safe sex no matter how awkward it was and he was always safe with his partners. 

“Really?” she never knew all this about him. 

“Yep really” he felt no shame in talking about it. 

“I’m sorry I bleed on you” they were silent for a second before she said this. 

“It’s not your fault, it’s fine” he really didn’t mind since it wasn’t something she could control and more or less just blamed himself for maybe being too rough with her for her first time. Tegan was still embarrassed about it but decided to just let it go. She didn’t regret having sex with him, she didn’t wanna have sex with anyone else but him. The only thing she was feeling was confusion. Confusion about what their relationship was now. Only friends? Friends with benefits? Dating? 

“Come on, you can sleep in my room” they arrived at the front gates of Meddows house, he slid the keycard to get inside and they rode up to the front door “Sneak in through the back” he gestured to the back gate. Meddows placed his bike near the backdoor with Tegan following behind him. He slid open the glass door slowly and snuck in slowly and carefully so as not to wake Luke or Rufus. 

“Goodmorning” a voice spoke from the kitchen that was partially lit up with a light coming from somewhere like a phone. 

“Henry?” Meddows whispered into the darkness and used his phone to finally see if it was really his little 12-year-old brother. 

“Don’t worry, it’s just me” his light revealed Henry standing by the kitchen sink. He was dressed in his pajamas with messy hair and his big rimmed glasses glued to his face like he always did and a cup of tea in his hands. 

“What are you doing up?” he relaxed in his presence and walked into the kitchen. 

“I’m a night owl, up studying” Studying for one of his IB classes most likely thought Meddows could never understand why he needed to study, the knowledge just seemed to come to him naturally. 

“Our dad and pa awake?” Henry shook his head no and walked towards them with his cup of tea in hand. 

“Might wanna eat some gum, you guys reek of beer” he commented before walking past them and walked back into his room that was down the hall. Meddows grabbed onto Tegans hand and pulled her upstairs as quietly as he could until they were safe in his room. They both let out a big sigh of relief after finally realizing they made it back without getting caught. 

“Do your parents know you're here?” Meddows asked. 

“Yeah, that's what I told them,” Tegan said. 

“Okay” there was silence between them for a second as they remembered everything that happened that night like it was all one big dream. “Uh, you can sleep on the bed, I'll take the floor” he gestured to his bed that already had a few extra blankets set out on it and the covers pulled down. 

“Can you uh...sleep in the bed with me?” she asked shyly while climbing in the bed with her dress still on. 

“Sure” he accepted, Meddows slipped off his shoes, jacket and undershirt but kept his pants on. He climbed into the bed with Tegan on his left and causing up to him till her face was on his chest.

“Goodnight Meddows,” she said with her eyes closed and her eyelashes fluttering. There was no distance between the two of them and could feel each other's body heat. It was normal but comforting. 

“goodnight stupid-” he was going to call her a name but was cut off by his lips combining with hers once more. Her lips were still red from before but they were still soft and warm. He kissed her back and rested his hand on the side of her face. They finally separated and he placed one final kiss on her cheek before staring at her with a silent goodnight and laid back down on his back so she could cuddle with him again. 

He stared at her while he slept. Meddows couldn’t really believe the events of the night. The sun was slightly starting to rise a bit. Finally finishing the strange night that had just befallen them. 

Chapter Text

Carry on my wayward son

There'll be peace when you are done

Lay your weary head to rest

Don't you cry no more

-Kansas 

A small hand moved his brown hair out of his eyes. He opened his eyes to her, she was unfamiliar. Green instead of the brown and blue eyes he was used to in his family. Another girl came out of the corner of his eyes except she had brown eyes. She looked familiar but strange at the same time. 

The girls looked at each other for a second of recognition and then back at him. They looked almost scared of him like he was nothing but a pit of darkness in this world he seemed to come up within his mind. What was happening to him? He could suddenly move his head and he looked down at his hands. 

Blood, covered in it. All of it his but it seemed fresh but there were no cuts. He was losing his strength. 

Maybe he was nothing but a pit of darkness after all…

Meddows Taylor opened his eyes and saw the sunlight shining through the window. It landed on his left side and across Tegan who was laying on his left, cuddling up close to him. He felt the back of her hair that was soft and messy from sleep. Snickers the cat was laying between them purring and clinging to Tegan. 

“So, how was the party?” Luke was stood by the doorway and stared at Meddows and Tegan in bed. 

“Shit, you scared me” Meddows sat up in bed and checked himself to see if he was decent. He still had his pants on and Tegan still had her dress and shorts on.

“How much did you drink?” Luke asked in a casual tone. 

“two” he held up two fingers for the amount of beer he drank that night or how much he remembered drinking. 

“Did she drink anything?” he pointed to Tegan who was still half asleep. 

“Just one” he was being honest and it was her first time drinking so he hoped they wouldn’t tell her parents. 

“Okay, I won’t tell Delilah and Rami but please don’t let it happen again” he warned his son. 

“Fine” he caved in, he wasn’t planning to take her to a party like that ever again especially after all that happened. 

“For you your grounded for two weeks”. 

“Fair enough” he probably deserved it so he just accepted his punishment.

“You can bring her down for breakfast and I’ll drop her off” Luke insisted. 

“Thank you, dad, your the best” he rubbed his forehead as the hangover hit him. 

“Yeah, I know I'm the best” he announced proudly and studded down the hall and left Meddows and Tegan to finally fully wake up.

“Tegan, Tegan, Tegan, stupid face” he shook her awake. Her long eyelashes fluttered as she rubbed her eyes and awoke in a strange bed “Good morning”. He moved a strand of hair or of her face and kissed her forehead as she stared up at him.

“Good Morning” she sat up in bed and looked around the room as she processed what happened the night before. This wasn’t the first she slept in Meddows bed but it all felt different this time. 

“Do you wanna come down for breakfast?” Meddows asked as he sat next to her and leaned his head on her shoulder while holding her hand. 

“In a little bit” she wasn’t looking at him while speaking. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked. She was quiet for a second which meant she was thinking about something. 

“Are we dating?” she asked after a minute of silence. 

“I don’t know, are we?”. 

“I’m confused, that’s why I’m asking you” she finally looked up at him. 

“Well do you want to date me?” that was the real question she needed to ask herself. Did she want to date Meddows? Did she want Meddows her best friend in the whole world to become her boyfriend? Like a serious, serious boyfriend. She knew that if they broke up they would still be best friends no matter what but did she really want to risk that?.    

She remembered how she used to gush over Meddows like he was a god and wanted to be her girlfriend so badly. Some part of her still held onto that feeling no matter how many people she admired or thought liked her. What happened last night solidified the feelings she had. She never thought Meddows liked her.  

Meddows had an energy that attracted people, specifically girls. Flirting came easy to him and he had been with a few people that were not serious. He had sex with people, unlike Tegan who had just lost her virginity the night before. Why would he be into her? 

“Have you ever had romantic feelings for me?” She asked. 

“Yeah, I have for a while now, since we were kids” that was a surprise to her. 

“I have too but I didn’t think you did”. 

“Tegan” he held her chin up and cuffed her face in his hands. It was a moment of realization for both of them and he kissed her gently. It was a kiss to stability, saying they were together finally. She kissed him back before finally pulling away before anything could get further. 

“Your the best boyfriend,” she said jokingly with hearts in her eyes.

“Oh so were already using that term now” he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and the couple laughed together.

Meanwhile….  

“Rufus! Rufie” Luke skipped downstairs and flung himself at his husband who was making pancakes for breakfast. 

“Yes, my dear?” Rufus turned to Luke while leaning on the counter. 

“I called it!” he jumped up like Rufus was expected to know what he was talking about. 

“Called what?” Rufus asked, turning back to his pancakes so they wouldn’t burn.  

“Out little boy is dating Tegan” he was excited for them. He had been telling Rufus for years it would happen eventually but the blonde never fell for it.

“Henry is?”. 

“NO Meddows!” Luke knew he was joking but still went along with it and punched him in the shoulder lightly. 

“I’m happy for him, she’s a great girl” he pulled Luke close and kissed his forehead. 

“You think he took after you?”. 

“After me how?” he raised his brow. 

“The fact that you’re a player”. 

“I am not! Or at least not anymore, now that I’ve got the old ball and chain” Rufus teased Luke by kissing him on the cheek and neck. 

“I’m not a ball and chain! I’m a blessing” Luke giggled. They still had a great relationship after all these years together, it maybe wasn’t as passionate but they were still happy. They wanted that for Meddows and Tegan, for them to be happy. Happy together while following their dreams. Maybe even start a family if they wanted. 

However, their relationship was still new and things could change. Meddows could change or Tegan could. You could never tell in this life. 

❤️ (Tegan Mercury) 

Meddows: Dads won’t be home till late

Tegan:You sure?

Meddows: Yess ;) 

Tegan: Dirty mind! 

Tegan: Just text me when you get home okay?

Meddows: Whatever you say love

Tegan: ❤️

Meddows: ❤️

Meddows looked up from his phone as he packed up his bookbag. He was studying at the library, the first time he was able to go out now that his punishment was over with. He picked up his school suit jacket that was lain against his seat and threw his bag over his shoulder. His bike was locked outside and the streets were busy with people going from school, work and other places. 

His hair flew as he started biking down the busy London streets. The pavement rumbled against his wheels as he looked around the street. It was a nice day out, it was a normal day. Normal for Meddows at least… 

He was about a few blocks down till he would arrive home but he was still inside the city. He knew the streets all around him and the people around him. Then he stopped to text Tegan on the sidewalk to make sure if he could pick her up. When he was about to take off again he stopped for just a second. He heard sobbing, quiet and childlike sobbing that seemed to be coming from a sidestreet next to where Meddows was stopped.

“Hello?” He spoke into the darkness and the noise seemed to move closer to him. He got more of an idea of who it could be coming from. 

A small girl came out of the dark and into the light of the street. She looked around 4 or 5 years old was sobbing into her hands. Her face was covered but he could see her long black hair, light skin, and freckled face. She was practically curled into herself like a baby deer and was quivering in fear and from the cold. “Hey, are you okay?” he bent down to her level and his voice seemed to startle her but she looked up. She had big green eyes that were filled with tears and he finally got a look at the rest of her. 

She wore a long shirt and pants that were dirty and her face had remnants of bruising “What’s your name?”. Nothing, she only stared at him and tried wiping her face “Where are your parents?” it took her a minute to get the courage to talk. 

“He didn’t w-want me” her deer voice was small and shaky. 

“What do you mean he didn’t want you? Did you mom and dad lose you?” he handed her his jacket since she seemed to be shaking from either cold or fright.   

“N-No h-he said go and don’t come back after h-he dropped me” she seemed to shiver more every time she said, “he”. Meddows thought: Was it her father? Or someone taking care of her? 

“Dropped you off where?”. 

“H-here i-in the car” she pointed to the alleyway he saw her walking from. He stopped asking questions and thought. He could wait here from her parents to come back or call someone or do something. 

“My name is Meddows” he held out his hand for her to touch. He could tell how distressed or maybe even traumatized she was. She took her hand in his and seemed comforted by it and her tears slowly began to dry. “Come on, let’s go find your parents” he stood up from knees and she held onto his hand with a tight grasp. 

They stayed close to where he found her and she finally began to be comfortable around him. They were sat on the side of the street with her jacket wrapped around her. 

“Ella” she spoke quickly and quietly. 

“What?” Meddows asked. 

“Ella” she pointed to herself and spoke louder like a deer taking her first steps. 

“That’s a nice name Ella” he smiled at her and she gave a tiny smile back “Do you know how old you are?”. 

“U-Um” she counted on her fingers “Four” she held them up to him “How old are you?”.

“I’m a lot older, I’m 16” he couldn’t really hold out his fingers so he hoped she could understand him. 

“Your old,” she said lightheartedly and it seemed to make her laugh even if just a little bit.   

“Yeah I guess I am old” he agreed and she scooted closer to him and felt his hair that was resting on his shoulders. She was calm around him, a stark contrast to how he found her. Meddows was always great with children and his sister, he sometimes acted like a big child. 

He waited with her for a while longer

❤️ (Tegan Mercury) 

Tegan:are you coming? 

Meddows: Nah, something came up

Meddows: It’s important,i’ll tell you about it later 

Tegan: okay

Tegan: just call me if something happens, okay? 

Meddows: I will

Meddows didn’t wanna tell her yet. First, he had to sort out his current situation. He didn’t really know what he was going to do with Ella, where he was going to take her or who to tell. “Ella,” he said to get her attention. 

“Yah” she looked up from the pebble she was playing with and up at him with her big green eyes. 

“I think we should go to the police station to help you find your parents” he got up from the curb and Ella was quiet for a second as she processed what he was saying. 

“No, no, no, NO” she became hysterical and got up before holding onto his legs and sobbing into his shorts. “No, you can’t take me back, please, please, I’ll be good, I'll be good, I’ll be good” she begged even louder while Meddows tried to pry her off so he could talk to her. He had a bad feeling inside himself, like something bad would happen if Ella went back or that she was in some kind of danger from her parents. 

“Ella” he bent down to her level and whipped her tears with his shirt sleeve. He was probably making a stupid decision but he had to go with his gut. “I'm going to take you to my house where you'll be safe, okay?” her face lit up and she ran into his arms for a hug. He held her for a second and rubbed the back of her hair.

As they made their way to Meddows house he thought to himself. Why would Ella be scared of her parents?. He could imagine some scenarios of what could have happened and didn’t even want to talk about any of them happening to Ella. It made him appreciate his dad's even more. 

Luke and Rufus never hurt him or any of their other children. Rufus would rather kill himself than hurt any of them. They saw no point in making the kids scared of them when they could gain their respect more peacefully. He wished Ella was able to get that kind of love and nurture that he had growing up, love a sweet little girl as she deserved. 

He took her hand and they began walking quickly and quietly. 

As they approached home Meddows reached inside his bookbag for his key to get into the house but then realized something, he didn’t have the key. “Shit” he muttered to himself quietly. Now, this usually wouldn’t be a problem because he usually forgot his key in his locker and Henry or his parents were usually home to help him get in. This time was different.

“What’s wrong?” Ella asked, tugging on his sleeve. 

“We're locked out” he looked down in shame. Think Meddows, think he thought to himself. They had recently upped security on the outside because some idiot tried breaking in when they were on vacation. A motion sensor, cameras, and the gate were pointed so people couldn’t climb over. 

Henry was across town working on a school project and he couldn’t get a hold of him anyway. Luke and Rufus were both working in their respective studios, Meddows tried calling them but they weren’t picking up. Greatttttt…

“Guess we’ll just have to wait here” Meddows sat his bike down on the sidewalk and took a seat on the sidewalk with Ella sitting next to him, “My parents should be home soon”. 

“Who are they?” she asked, he pulled up a photo on his phone of his entire family. 

“This is my brother Henry, my little sister River and this is my dad and pa” he pointed at each person individually. She seemed quite interested in his big family. 

“You have two daddies?” she asked.    

“Yeah I do, their nice though so you’ll like them” he explained and she didn’t seem fazed at the mention of his unique family. As he looked up he saw the sky turning orange as the sunset just as it turned almost 6 o’clock and then he looked back at his house. “Ella, can you give me my jacket back for a second” he finally thought of something and she handed back the jacket “Stay here for a second”. 

The brunette boy approached the pointed gate and examined it before finally deciding to go through with his plan. He was tall enough to throw his jacket over the pointed part of the gate and started climbing his way up. His hands gripped onto the smooth part of the metal near the top with the balls of his feet resting between the bars to hoist himself up. If all went well he would throw himself over the pointed part of the gate and land onto a bush that was beneath him. That is IF all goes well. 

He held onto the spike that was covered by the jacket and gripped on tightly and prepared to eat shit on the grass in case he fell. One, two, three he counted before hoisting himself up over the spikes and flying into the air before gravity forced him to let go. He went through the air in a sort of ungraceful gracefulness.“Ha” he used his hands to cover his head as he rolled onto the grass and rolled for a second before landing on his back. “Made it” he raised his fist in the air as he caught his breath and took in the impact of his hard landing. 

If anyone asked he would just say he was “testing” the security system, kind of freaked him out how easily he got over the fence. “Hold on Ella, I’m coming” he picked himself off the ground and walked towards the gate where Ella was waiting for him. He opened the gate and pulled it open so she could finally get inside. 

Meddows held her hand as they walked in and he looked up at the sky. The clouds were just now rolling in over the neighborhood and sprinkles of water hit the ground in a light pattern. Just in time.   

Rufus Taylor, Luke Taylor, and River arrived home an hour later just as the sun was setting and Henry was expected to be dropped off soon. Rufus opened the front door with River walking decides him and holding his hand while Luke was walking behind them “Meddows, we’re home!”. No reply. “Meddows?” he called again and shut the front door, walking into the house fully and peaking in the living room.          

He found Meddows sitting on the couch with a small figure wrapped in a blanket sitting next to him. “Meddows what are you-” Luke came out from behind Rufus and approached his son closer and finally saw who the figure was. It was a little girl with black hair, green eyes, and pale freckled skin. She looked around 4 but her small figure suggested she could be younger.  

“Dad I can explain” he raised his hands up in defense and Ella looked up from the floor and stared at the men curiously and cradled into Meddows like she was trying to hide.

“Meddows,. Henrys. Room. Now” Rufus spoke angrily and slowly between words and pointed down the hall where Henry's room was since it was the only private room downstairs. 

“I’ll be right back” he whispered to Ella quickly before getting up. She held his arm for a second longer before letting go with a small whimper. 

Rufus took his son's hand and pulled him into the bedroom with Luke and River following behind him. He shut the door and turned back to his son who was preparing for the worst. “Meddows, explain” he spoke loudly but not yelling yet and crossed his arms over his chest. Luke was just as upset but was containing himself.     

“Okay so funny story” he sat down on the bed and took a deep breath before continuing. He then went on to explain everything that happened in full detail without really taking a breath or letting his parents talk for even a second. “Please don’t be mad at me” he finally finished and the room was silent as the men took in all that was just told to them.

“So you took a random child off the street and brought her home without calling the police and without finding her parents” he suddenly realized how bad that all sounded put together when Luke said it. 

“Okay fine maybe I handled it wrong but why would a parent just abandon her on the street, a four-year-old little girl, doesn't that seem suspicious” Meddows explained, they agreed with him on that front. “I also noticed some..other things” his voice grew quiet.

“Meddows, what did you see?” Rufus asked. 

“When I mentioned her parents she seemed..scared of them almost horrified” he felt bad just talking about it and Rufus and Luke could see the seriousness of her situation. 

“Okay, she can stay here tonight and we’ll talk to the police in the morning” Luke spoke softly and held Rufus by the shoulder to calm him down a bit. Rufus was still angry, at Meddows for not handling it differently but also mad at the people who may or may not have abandoned the little girl. 

“What’s her name?” he asked. 

“Ella, she’s four years old” Meddows relaxed a bit knowing that he wasn’t in any serious trouble. 

“She can sleep on the-” Rufus was going to say on the couch but he was interrupted by cries coming from the living room where River and Ella where. They left the room and went into the room and saw River playing on the floor and Ella was crying into the blanket she was wrapped in. 

Meddows rushed to her side and she attached to his legs and continued sobbing “Ella, what’s wrong?”. 

“Y-You left” she kept crying and curled back into her deer position. He didn’t realize how attached she was to him and his company, if he knew she was going to be upset he would have never left her alone. 

“I’m sorry, I'm sorry” he rubbed her back and looked up at his parents. As he held her he noticed something under her shirt. Under her sleeves where her purple marks that were bruised, some old and some newer. He also noticed some on her stomach and on her legs. 

Meddows looked up at Luke and Rufus who had the same expression of shock at what was revealed about Ella. 

“I’m sorry Ella” Meddows held her closer and picked her up. He felt sick to his stomach. 

He didn’t know what else to say to her or how to make anything better but at least she was there now. Safe in their house and far away from her parents who may have done this to her. 

He could say anything but “I’m sorry”.    

Chapter Text

 know you're scared of never knowing

What waits beyond the bend

Better falling than not going at all my friend

Go catch a waking sunrise

Cut ties with petty enemies

Hold tight for all the good times

Daydrinking at the cemetry

-Younglimbs, Luke Deacon 

Meddows ran his index finger over the palm of his hand and over the faint lines. Even over a small scar, he had when he cut his palm with a bottle a few years ago. Ella examined what he was doing with a keen eye and copied his movements on her own hand.

“Here you go” A warm cup was put in its place and he looked up and saw his dad Luke through his strands of hair. “You want some?” Luke wasn’t talking to him anymore, instead, he bent down to Ella's level on the couch and held out a cup for her. She flinched away from him and hid behind Meddows like she was in danger. 

“It’s okay, you can take it he’s okay” Meddows whispered and she looked up at him as he spoke and nodded before she was finally comfortable enough to take the cup slowly and cautiously. Luke gave her a friendly smile as he handed her the cup and took a seat next to his son.

“Hey duckie” he pulled the brown strands out of his son's face and ran his fingers through it in a way to comfort Meddows and himself. 

“Hi daddy” he muttered quietly and cuddled into Luke and rested his head against his shoulder like he was a kid again. A small little blonde boy who would go to his dad and pa for comfort and warmth. 

“Pa’s a little upset right now,” he whispered. Rufus was upset at Meddows for bringing Ella to their house and not going to the police. Luke was upset at him as well but he couldn’t really picture being in meddows situation or how he would react if he saw Ella. However, he thought his son did what he thought was best. 

“I didn’t know where else to take her, I knew she’d be safe with us,” he looked down at Ella who was sipping on her hot chocolate and dangling her feet over the couch. 

“Well she is safe now, I’m glad you brought her,” Luke said and made Meddows jump up a little bit in surprise. 

“Really?” he looked up at him. 

“Yeah, you did what you thought was right even if Pa does not think so” Luke looked at Ella and felt pain. Pain because of how much Ella reminded him of River. How small, skinny and frail she was. Other than that he could see a lovely and kind girl who had just been born into a bad situation. 

“I ordered some pizza, should be here in a while” Rufus walked into the living room and effectively broke up their moment with the anger and frustration he gave off. He didn’t look mad but his energy, stature, and voice showed he was not happy with his son. 

“Okay, I'm gonna start setting up the bed for her to sleep” Luke stood up and walked by his husband, squeezing his shoulder before going into the hall to get the extra blankets. 

Outside they could hear a car pulling up to the front gate and saw Henry walking up into the driveway. It was the time he told his parents he would be home, almost to the minute. “Henry” Rufus went up to him and hugged his younger son like he had been worried about him. 

“Hey, Pa, where’s dad-” he started asking but stopped when he saw Ella. She was startled by him but calmed down a bit when she saw Meddows greet him with a smile. 

“I’ll explain later,” Meddows said and gestured for him to get closer so he could introduce him to Ella. “This is my little brother Henry and this is Ella” he gestured to him and then her. Henry put out his hand for him to shake and she accepted hesitantly. She felt more comfortable around Henry because of the kind of energy he gave off. He was shy but still kind around the people who knew him. He wasn't intimidating like Luke or Rufus may have been.  

“Henry you there?” Luke came in with a pile of blankets in his hands. 

“Yeah dad I'm here,” he said from the living room and hugged his dad who held him for a while longer to kiss his forehead. 

“Help me set this up” he handed Henry some blankets to help him set up the makeshift bed on the couch for Ella. 

“Your gonna sleep here for tonight, okay?” Meddows spoke to her slowly and as she saw what they were setting up, a sense of panic came over her. 

“No, no, no, no, no I wanna stay with you” she was panicking and held onto held his legs again. Henry and Luke looked up and paused to see what was wrong. 

“It’s okay, you can sleep in my room for tonight” he rubbed her back in an attempt to soothe her and he looked up at his dad and brother “She’ll sleep with me for tonight”. 

“Okay, I'll put the blankets up in your room” Luke agreed and went upstairs. 

“You wanna come see my room?” he asked and Ella agreed and held his hand as he guided her upstairs. 

He slowly opened his door and she peeked her head through to look inside this strange new environment. She seemed curious at everything he owned, his guitars, his bed, his sheets, his curtains, and then she noticed Snickers. She jumped back as the kitten crawled out from underneath his bed and walked towards her. “It’s okay, she won’t hurt you” Meddows picked up Snickers from the floor and held her closer to Ella so she could pet her. She slowly pet the kitten who was purring at her touch and smiled.”Pretty kitty” she spoke to herself and kept petting Snickers. 

After a few seconds, she took her attention off the kitten and onto the stuff on his walls and on the bed. There were a few blankets and a pair of pajamas that looked way too big for her but were most likely Henry’s old ones.”I’ll leave you to get dressed, I’m gonna go get food and I’ll be right back okay?” Ella nodded, she seemed to be okay with him leaving for now since he made sure to warn her beforehand.                 

“How is she?” Rufus asked as he saw Meddows enter the kitchen and head straight for the pizza boxes. 

“She’s okay, just shaken up” he took a few pieces for himself and Ella. 

“Meddows, we’ll talk about what we're gonna do in the morning okay?” Rufus could tell Meddows was thinking about it. He didn’t want to abandon Ella like her parents may have but didn’t know what that would entail. 

“Okay pa, goodnight” he looked up and hugged his Pa. 

“I love you kid” he rubbed the back of his son's head. 

“Love you too” Meddows pulled away and nodded before taking his pizza and went upstairs to check on Ella.      

He knocked on the door lightly to signal he was coming in. When he entered the room he found the little girl curled up under his bedroom covers.

For the first time since he met her, she looked calm for once. She seemed happy and out of the constant state of fear she always wore. “Goodnight Ella” he tucked her in and placed for pizza on his bedside for consumption in the morning. He pulled his shirt off and crawled into bed decides her. His movement didn’t seem to wake her. 

She looked almost older as she slept, like an actual four-year-old instead of possibly three or two. Her face seemed more lively and not as thin. He didn’t even want to picture the life she lived before finding him or what possibly could have caused her to become so thin. 

Meddows didn’t know why the universe seemed to drop Ella into his lap that day. However, he grew connected to her in just a few short hours, an almost love for her.   

************************************

Meddows was lucky enough to be able to accompany his parents and Ella to the police station the next morning. It took them a while to convince her to come since she seemed to be terrified of going to the police. He had to promise her he would stay with her as long as he could for her to finally give in. 

As they entered the station they walked straight to the front desk where some officers were already expecting them since Luke made sure to call ahead and explain the situation as best he could. Meddows couldn’t hear what they were talking about but it seemed to be important, Ella was staring at her hand that was being held by him. “Okay,” Rufus turned to them “Meddows, they wanna talk to you alone”.

“Okay, in a minute” he bent down to Ella's level “I have to go answer some questions but I won’t be far away” a look of sadness appeared on her face.”I won’t be gone for long, okay?” he hugged her tightly before getting up and looked down at her. She still looked sad but stood next to Luke and Rufus as she watched him leave with an officer guiding him.

“Want any water or coffee?” The officer asked as he sat the teenager down in the interview room, it wasn’t a menacing room. It had a couch and posters on the walls.

“No thank you” he tried to make himself as comfortable, or as comfortable as he could be while being interviewed by the police.   

“Good Morning, I’m detective Larson and you are” he stuck out his hand in a friendly but also professional way. 

“Meddows Taylor” He gave the firmest handshake he could and sat up in his chair. 

“So meddows, I only know what your dad has told me and I just wanted to hear your side of the story on how you came upon Ella” Detective Larson pulled out a notepad and a pen, getting ready to note down everything Meddows would be saying. He took a deep breath before spilling his guts, telling them every detail of how he came upon her. Even the hours leading up to then and the hours after until they went to bed “Did you try calling the police at any point when meeting her?”.           

“No”. 

“Why was that?”. 

“She didn’t want to go back to her parents, I know I probably should have but she was scared” He admitted it, Larson didn’t talk for a moment as he wrote something down. 

“What made you think she was scared?” he clicked his pen against the desk.   

“When I mentioned take her to find her parents she started crying and kept holding onto my leg until I told her I wouldn’t take her back,” he thought back to her reaction and the look of fear on her face. 

“Okay, did you see any physical injuries on her when you found her?”. 

“I didn’t notice it at first but later on I saw bruises on her arms and legs” Meddows almost cringed at the thought, the officer was quiet for a second.

“Okay, that’ll be all for now,” he wrote down a few more notes, sucked the pad under his arm and stood up. “Thanks for all your help Meddows” he held out his hand and the teen shook it before following Larson out of the room and into another where Luke, Rufus, and Ella were sitting while talking to a woman.

“Where finished up with him” Larson was talking to the woman. 

“Okay, thank you” she pushed her glasses over her eyes and smiled at Meddows who was still stood by the door “Come on over Meddows” she pointed to a chair for him to sit down. 

“How was it?” Luke asked as Meddows took a seat next to him and wrapped his arm around his shoulder in a somewhat embrace. 

“It was okay.” he smiled at his dad and saw Ella jump down from her chair between Luke and Rufus and climb into his lap. “Hey Ella” he held her in her lap and looked up at the woman. 

“Thank you for joining us, I’m Ms.Russell, I'm a social worker and I'm here to help your family and Ella as much as I can” she wore a suit with big rimmed glasses across her face however she seemed friendly. “Now as I was saying” she looked back down at the pile of papers that were laid in front of her. “For Ella, she could either be out into a foster home until her parents are found and investigated for any possible abuse or we could sign your family up to be her emergency foster parents until the investigation is finished”. To their family the Answer was obvious. 

Meddows knew Ella wouldn't do well in foster care, Luke and Rufus knew that as well but they still sat quietly while thinking of their decision. 

“We’ll do it” it wasn't Luke who answered, it was Rufus. He may have not been the biggest fan of Ella at first but it was against his nature to not help her. Ella's eyes lit up seconds later like she finally processed where she would be going, someplace safe and loving. Meddows was surprised as well but he kept in mind that it was only temporary. “Luke?” Rufus turned to his husband, his hand resting on his leg like they were communicating through thought. 

“Yes, we’ll do it” Luke agreed while smiling like an idiot. 

“Well great, I just need you to fill out some paperwork and a social worker will be visiting your residence tomorrow just to make sure the house is fit for Ella” she handed over some paperwork and excused herself out to give them a moment talk. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Meddows embraced both his parents into a hug and shook them back and forth out of joy. 

“Okay, okay, your welcome duckie” Luke said between being smothered by his sons hug until he finally pulled away and saw how happy he and Ella were. 

“Luke?” Ella tugged on the hem of his shirt and looked down at her small figure “where am I going?”. He was silent for a second. 

“Home,” Rufus noticed her as well and sat her on his lap “You're going home”. 

Guilty . He felt guilty. He was supposed to tell him but he hadn’t. He made that promise to himself but he didn’t do it. Especially with all that was happening. 

He just didn’t find the time yet. Yet. He would tell him. He just didn’t know when. 

“Dad?” Meddows awoke Luke suddenly. He didn’t remember falling asleep. 

“Hey, duckie” Luke rubbed his eyes and realized he was lying across his bed with River tucked under his arm. She was holding onto his arm with her blanket and teddy bear lying next to her. 

“Finish the application?” his son stood next to his bed and flipped through the papers that were scattered on his bedside. Luke sat up on the bed as quickly as possible and pulled the papers out of his hands before be could read any more of it. 

“Yeah, I finished it” he moved the papers away so he couldn’t read them and moved them to the other side of his bed. 

“Okay,” he rocked back and forth of his heels with his dark hair over his eyes. 

“What time is it?” He sat up in bed while trying not to wake up River. 

“5 o’clock”. 

“Ah I’m gonna go make dinner, where’s Ella?” Luke asked, standing up from the bed and taking River into his arms. 

“Sleeping” he answered simply and walked alongside his dad. 

“Well, we’re best not to wake her” He wrapped his arm around his son's shoulder and nudged him gently. 

It was a small moment but for once it felt like a moment of normalcy in their hectic lives. A moment for Luke and his son. For once Luke wasn’t thinking about anything else on his mind, just his family and his son. 

Meddows wasn’t thinking like his dad was. He caught just a glimpse but it was enough info for him. He didn’t even mean to find anything, it just so happened to appear in front of him. The application said: 

History of biological children (living or deceased): 

Meddows Taylor, Henry Taylor, Veronica Taylor. 

It was a name he didn’t recognize but felt familiar at the same time. It was just a name but the name of a child that his dad or pa failed to mention. So the real question for him was...

Who’s Veronica?  

Chapter Text

And when I was younger, art was a lonely thing

And give me a few words for a woman to sing

Without worrying before night comes

I spent the summer in a cage

And all the while I fall deep, fall deep, fall deep, fall deep

And you tell me all the world's a stage

And it's giving me no sleep, no sleep, no sleep, no sleep

-Kid Jupiter  

“What are you thinking about?” Tegan ran her hands through the soft loose curls of his brown hair that rested against his face. 

“How do you find birth records?” Meddows asked out of nowhere. They both were cuddled up together in his bed with the mid-afternoon sunlight coming through the open blinds. 

“Internet or I’m guessing or the records office” Tegan rolled over onto her back and stretched out her arms while still staring at her boyfriends “May I ask why you wanna find birth records?”. 

“I don’t really know yet, I'll let you know when I figure it out” he propped himself up on his elbows and looked outside. It had been a few weeks since he found the application but it still hadn’t left his mind. Veronica Taylor. 

“How’s Ella?” Tegan pulled the covers off her self and picked up her clothes off the floor. 

“She’s adjusting, but she’s getting better” Ella had been staying with them for about 2 weeks now while the police investigated. They did find her parents or more specifically her dad who was the person who supposedly abandoned her, the case was still ongoing. At her new home, she shared a room with River and had her own bed along with her own toys and space where she could feel safe. She had a therapy appointment coming up in the following weeks. 

“Good, do you wanna-” her phone went off meaning Delilah wanted her home “I better get going”. 

“Okay, I'll call you tonight okay?” he was still laying down across his bed. 

“Okay,” she leaned over the bed and kissed him before shutting his door as she left.

Once she was gone Meddows sat up and reached over to his side of his bed where his laptop was sitting. He opened his desktop that was filled with unorganized files and opened up Google. He stared at the screen for a second before finally typing into the browser: Meddows Taylor birth . The first results where more current articles, mostly clickbait about innocent stuff he posted on Instagram. 

He looked the page over then filtered the page to see the oldest first. 

The oldest articles where posts when Luke and Rufus announced they were pregnant and rumor about whose kid it was, Luke or Rufus? He scrolled down onto another page when he was born. He smiled at some of the photos of him as a baby with his dad's but suddenly stopped at one of the articles. It reads like a normal gossip column with all the added flair and such but there was another part written at the bottom. 

“The couple was released from the hospital last Saturday, with their newborn. It was rumored that the couple was expecting twins but that rumor appears to be untrue.” 

He stared at the section for a minute and read it over more than a few times. It was just a rumor but he couldn’t help it true based on the name written on the application. What he really needed to get the birth records….. 

Meddows approached the Registration Office late in the afternoon, just after he was released from school. He made sure to have all the proper paperwork and registration forms ready before coming but there was still a pit of anxiety in his stomach. It was from the fear of what he might find or not find from the records. 

“Good afternoon, do you have an appointment?” The receptionist asked him as he approached the desk. 

“Yes, Meddows Taylor” she looked down at the schedule. 

“Ah yes, just down the hall and to the left” she pointed down to the exact hallway. He could see someone waiting for him in the room she pointed him to. The room was one of many and filled with filing cabinets of different names and dates, in the middle was another reception desk. 

“Meddows Taylor correct?” the receptionist asked. 

“Yes, yes” He shook his hand and flashed his ID to prove it was him. The receptionist shuffled around for a minute, flipping through other files and papers.  

“Well here they are” He placed down the file on the desk, it didn't seem too full from the looks of it.

“Thank you” Meddows picked up the file and weighed it in his hands, light but if supposedly had all the answers he needed. He waved the receptionist a quick goodbye and tucked the file under his arm before practically running towards home.   

Most of his hair was hanging out of his bun when he arrived back home. The file was still tucked under his arm as he resisted all of his instincts that he had to open it right then and there. No , he had to wait. 

He didn’t open it until he was in his room and sat at his desk. The file was made of plain paper and had  a stamp on top with the records office’s emblem. He ran his fingers over the course paper before even thinking of opening it up. 

He was anxious to open it up but once he finally had the opportunity, he hesitated. His dads would never hide something from him. Or at least he believed they would never hide something, these records would prove that they wouldn’t. He took a deep breath and opened the file. 

The paper on top was his birth certificate:

Date and place of birth: December 20, 2021 8:30 AM. London Maternity Hospital

Name and Surname: Meddows Richard Taylor 

Below it was Tigerlilys and Luke’s information but everything seemed normal. The next document was something he had never seen before, it was another birth certificate.

Date and place of birth: December 20, 2021 8:35 AM. London Maternity Hospital 

Name and Surname: Veronica Debbie Taylor 

He didn’t read anymore before he moved the certificate out of the way and saw a death certificate underneath it. 

Name of deceased: Veronica Debbie Taylor 

Sex: Female 

Age: 0 

Cause of death: Strangulation by Umbilical Cord 

He didn’t need to read anymore. He stuffed all the papers back into the file and slammed it shut like something was about to crawl out. 

“Fuck” he muttered to himself and ran his hands through loose hair. So it was true, he had a twin sister. His parents hid from him for 16 years. 

16 opportunities to tell him, 16 years of lies. 

Veronica, no wonder that name rung a bell. She was his sister, his twin sister. The sister he never knew, never grew up with, never even spoken to. What elsewhere his parents hiding from him? 

A tear rolled down his cheek and onto the file that lay in front of him.  

He wiped it away but the feeling was still there. The anger came first but then the sadness set in. His sister died while he survived, he could have easily died and Veronica survives. It was unfair and the world was unfair. 

Veronica didn’t deserve to die. It was like a chunk of him was missing, a chunk he never knew was missing. 

He thought about how she might have been like, what her personality may have been, and what she looked like. Then he remembered something. 

Meddows got up from the desk he was sheltered in and made his way down the hall and into his parent’s bedroom. Luke and Rufus would be home soon, he had to be quick. He made his way to their closet and peaked his head over the top shelf. There was a metal box with a lock on it, the key was lucky sticking out for him to see. A rim of dust sat around it, meaning it hadn’t been moved or opened in a while. 

He picked up the box and sat on the floor to get a closer look at it and saw that on the top the name “Meddows” was carved. He turned the key and saw a pile of photos hidden inside. 

Meddows laid the pile out on the floor and picked up the first picture that caught his eye. It was an ultrasound picture of what looked like two beans, then he picked up another one that was more clear and could make out the shape of two babies. It was labeled 6 months on the back. He flipped through and found more and more ultrasound photos until he found the baby pictures. 

He recognized the picture because he saw the same photo hung up in their living room. It was of him when he was only a few hours old with a blue beanie over his small head and a blanket wrapped around him. Meddows remembered seeing Luke stair at the picture as he hung it all those years ago, was he thinking about Veronica when he looked at it? Was he always thinking of her?

The next picture was of Luke and Rufus holding another baby in a pink beanie, Veronica. She looked so small and her skin looked thin and pale. His parent's eyes were red and puffy in the picture most likely from crying. However, they were still smiling in the picture.  

Is that why he heard his dad crying the night of his fourth birthday? Is that why they always avoided talking about his birth? Because it was too painful for them. 

He had more questions than answers, questions that pictures couldn’t answer. 

“Meddows?” He could hear Luke’s voice from somewhere close by. He panicked. Should he hide the pictures or wait for his parents to find him to show that he knew their dirty secret, their dirty lie . He didn’t have time to think before his parent's bedroom door swung open and Luke staring straight down at him. He saw his son with the pictures laid out in front of him, like a child with his hand in the candy jar. He hoped this day would never come, that he would never find it out this way. 

“Meddows-” Luke felt out of breath like he had just been punched in the gut. He looked down at the ground in shame, shame at his lies. When he finally looked up he saw tears welling up in his son's eyes.

He had to explain-to think of something, anything to tell him. His mind was blank. 

Luke didn’t have time to think before Meddows got up from the floor, pushed through him and bolted it straight towards his bedroom. He tried to follow but his son already had a packed bag slung over his shoulder and was bolting it to the front door.  

“MEDDOWS” Luke screamed after him as he made it downstairs. He walked outside and watched as his son's silhouette faded into the distance as he rode away.           

Till he was gone.