Archive of Our Own ^beta

Everything was fine. It’s fine. He’s fine. Except he’s not. Nothing is fine. Everything is crumbling to pieces. He doesn’t know what is wrong. It started a little over a year ago when his girlfriend of two years broke up with him. He knows that it had nothing to do with him and that she needed to work out her own stuff, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. He has had time to heal, but it still left a scar.
After that, he started to get tired all the time. He did not want to do anything, but he still had to. He had to keep smiling even though all he wanted to do was cry. At first, it was just the things that reminded him of Liza(his ex), then it slowly progressed to any little thing. Someone didn’t like his video, he had nothing good to film, he can’t fall asleep, he’s not good enough. That is when it really started to get bad.
Along with not being able to sleep,( but still always being tired)when he did sleep it was plagued with nightmares about his imperfections. His receding hairline, he’s fat, he’s ugly, nobody want to be his friend and they just want him for the money. He also started to eat less. It just started because he was busy and forgot to eat, but once he had time he found himself feeling nauseous at the thought of eating.
He only realized that he was not in the same mindset as he was a few years ago, when he first thought about cutting himself to make the pain and sadness go away. He didn’t actually start cutting till a few months ago. He never wore shorts anyways.
As time has passed on, it has become his new normal. Wake up(if he even slept at all), film, fake a smile, cut, be sad, be depressed. And he would have continued to do so without anyone being any wiser if Jason never walked in him cutting.
It was one of his worse days where he just needed to cut just to feel something. He didn’t know that Jason was going to be here. David was rushing to his room to get his blade. He sat down on his bed and took a slow breath in and out to try and calm himself. Last time he cut in a panic he almost cut too deep. As he opened the bed side draw, he ran his fingers through his hair, disappointed as to what has become of his life. He looks down at the silver glint of the blade that his dad got him for his 18th birthday and unbuttoned his black jeans.
While he was pulling down his pants, a faint sound of the front door being opened could be heard to anyone but David. He was still not in the right state of mind to be able to focus on anything. David picked up the blade and got straight to work harming his own body. After three cuts, his blood was already dripping down his legs. He was so focused on cutting that he never heard a soft knock at his door with a muffled “David, you awake?”.
He only noticed when the door creaked open and he heard Jason’s voice say, “David! What are you doing?!”
David looked up at his father figure with tears streaming down his face. “Jason! What the hell are you doing here?!? Get the fuck out!” David screamed at Jason while running over to shut the door. Seeing as Jason was already in the room, he tried to push him out, because right now he just can’t deal with this. He needed to get out, he starts to hyperventilate and cry even harder.
“Jason, please just get out, don’t tell anyone.” David said while sobbing his eyes out.
“Oh David…” Jason stood there in shock about what he is seeing. Seeing as David is too worked up and will soon pass out if he keeps standing there, Jason embraces David in a hug.
David latched onto Jason like a lifeline. Because really, he is his lifeline. David needs this, he needs someone to just care. Because clearly caring about himself is something that David can’t do. Soon, David’s legs give out and both him and Jason settle on the floor with David sitting in Jason’s lap as David continues to bawl his eyes out.
Jason is trying to rap his head around everything that just happened. He understands what David is doing to himself. As Jason is comforting David, his hand touches something wet, and he realized that David is still bleeding and that he needs to clean him up, but first things first, he needed to calm David down enough to get him into the bathroom.
“Hey Dave? I need you to calm down, I’ve got you. Everything is going to be okay.” Jason soothed.
“No, it’s not okay, nothing will ever be okay” cried David. Jason didn’t know what to do at this point. He just decided to let David cry himself out and then clean him up. As they sit there, Jason starts rocking them back and forth while humming a tune. David curls up in Jason’s lap with his head tucked under Jason chin and his hands fisted into Jason’s shirt. Slowly, David calms down and unclenches Jason’s shirt while looking down in his lap.
“I’m sorry” he whispered.
“Hey, look at me” Jason said while lifting David’s head to look at him. “You have nothing to apologize for. I should be the one apologizing for not noticing sooner. You like my son, you mean everything to me. Ok now let’s go get you cleaned up.” Jason wiped some of David’s tears off with his thumbs and helped him stand up. Jason put his arm around David’s shoulders as David hid his face in Jason’s shirt and clings to his body.
They slowly make the short trek to the bathroom where Jason flips down the toilet seat lid and sit David down. Jason opens the cabinet and quickly spots the first aid kit and starts getting to work. He grabs a washcloth and wets it with warm water before cleaning David’s wounds. David just sits there with a blank stare and his arms wrapped around his waist. Jason is concerned but he knew he need to focus on bandaging the wounds first. He next grabs the bandage wrap and quickly and efficiently put it onto David’s legs. After, Jason cleans up the mess that he just made and looked at David. As he looked into his eyes, he knew that David was not ready to talk about it and need a little time to come to terms with everything. To be honest, Jason doesn’t think he is ready to talk about it either.
Jason squats in front of David, grabs his hands and says “hey, I know you don’t want to talk about it right now, so we won’t, but do know we will be talking about it. Do want to go watch a movie on the couch?” David looked up with teary eyes and nodded. “Ok, let’s go then.” Jason helped David up and help him walk to the couch as his legs were still shaking. Jason deposited David on the couch and when into the kitchen and go them some snacks. Screw his diet, his friend needed him more. Jason came back with 2 water bottles, 2 pb&j sandwich, and some feel good food. He set them on the coffee table and gave David the water bottle.
“Here, drink. You lost some fluids, you need to hydrate yourself.” David reluctantly took the bottle and started to take little sips. Jason sat down right beside David when he realized David still had no pants on.
“I’ll be right back, I will get you some sweatpants.” Jason quickly when and found David’s clothes and returned with the pants.
“Here you go”
“Thanks” David put on the pants and got comfy. As Jason was getting stuff for him, David was was choosing the movie. Of course he choose his favorite movie, About Time, on Netflix. Whatever make him happy, Jason thought. Jason grabs a blanket and covers both of them up. He puts his arm around David’s shoulders and brought him into a side hug. As they rest there and David eyes slowly close, he realized that while everything may not be fine, with his friends they could get better.