Chapter Text
“Hey, brother?”
Killua leaned into the doorframe, illuminated from behind by the bathroom light as he brushed his teeth. “Wha izi?”
Alluka’s arms were crossed on the windowsill, and she leaned her cheek against them as she turned her head to look at him. It scrunched her face up, but he still noticed that her eyes were puffy. “What does love feel like?”
Killua’s face scrunched up as he reeled backwards to spit into the sink. He tried to think of an answer, but the question had frazzled him so thoroughly he didn’t get much of anywhere past ‘not looking someone up.’
“Um.” He came to sit next to her on the bed, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. She swung her gangly legs around so they faced the same way, pressing their arms together. Whereas Killua seemed to take more after their grandfather, Alluka started growing taller on her fourteenth birthday and hadn’t stopped. Carrying her from danger was fast becoming impossible, no matter how strong he was. Except here was a danger he couldn’t carry anybody from. Killua leaned back on one hand, stroking her hair with the other. “Did something happen?”
She shrugged dramatically, her shoulders heaving higher as she sniffed, then suddenly collapsed sideways into his lap. Bemused, he continued stroking her long hair. When could she have possibly met someone? They’d been in the village three days and she’d been out of his sight for scant minutes. But then again, she did have her own phone now. He frowned down at her, thinking hard about who they might have met to prompt such a question.
He supposed he should count himself lucky. Alluka was 15 now, tall and beautiful with big blue eyes and a smile made out of light. Love was always going to seek her out. At some point he was a laughably incapable obstacle.
“Can you tell me...” she twisted around in his lap, looking up at him imploringly, “what it was like with Gon?”
The world tilted. “U-m” Killua stammered, heat flaring across his cheek. He swallowed down the flurry of denials that automatically rose to the fore- he didn’t lie to Alluka. Or nanika. That was a rule, too. Not a rule for using powers, but just as important.
They’d spent two years of their life together. Gon was the reason this life with Alluka had been made possible. Gon had- changed everything. But. It was so long ago, and life had a way of continuing on. Alluka had totally changed his priorities, and missing Gon had become background radiation. An indistinguishable part of him, like the weight of his arms or the prickle of his nen.
Alluka’s expectant stare made him look away, awkwardly turning away to hide his blush. “Like laughing was easier. Like, um-” he thought these things but he never said them out loud. He’d let them sit and blister until they burned their letters into his flesh, “like he lit up everything around him, and I was just- just lucky to be standing in it.”
Killua inhaled shakily, surprised at how raw it felt again now that he was talking about it. It bubbled up into his throat and he took another shuddering breath to press it down. He squeezed his eyes shut. “Even when he turned his back on me it hurt because I couldn’t help him. I- I just. Um.-” Wanted to lay the world at his feet as long as he could join him on the adventure.
Wanted Gon to want that, too.
Killua swallowed the ball in his throat.
“Killua... Why sad.”
He jumped a little, furiously scrubbing at his face before dropping his arm. “Nanika?” He asked, embarrassed. The smiling girl crawled up to wrap her arms around his shoulders in a hug. She rubbed her cheek against his shoulder. “Don’t be sad Killua.”
“I’ll try,” he reassured her, rubbing her back before detangling himself. He got up and nudged her towards the pillows, helping tuck her into bed. Alluka hadn’t done that in years, but nanika still liked it. “It’s time for sleep now.”
“’Ai~”
He kissed her forehead and she went straight to sleep.
Killua grimaced to himself, inhaling deeply. His nose felt wet, and the wad of feeling stuck in his throat wasn’t lessening. His eyes moved to the bedside table, where a beetle-shaped phone sat, taunting him. He swallowed again, ineffectually.
Killua stepped out of the motel room, shutting the door with a soft click behind him. He jammed the keycard into his back pocket, leaving his hand there as he dialed a familiar number, tilting his head up to the stars as it rang.
“Killua?!”
His breath puffed out white, swirling up with the wing that cut through his short-sleeved top. “Hey. It’s been a while, just-” he shrugged awkwardly, glad Gon couldn’t see him. His cheeks were already heating up. “Wondering what you’ve been up to, I guess.”
“I’ve been training!”
Killua’s eyebrows arched. He tucked his arms against his side to push off the cold- since when was he worried about that stuff?- and turned to look at the light through the curtains of his door. Should he go back inside and risk waking his sister? “Really?”
“Yeah! I’m a Hunter so I decided I didn’t want to go back to school so I started training again! I tried training on my own but somehow Biski found out and she showed up to ‘teach me properly!’ It suuuuuuuucks.”
Killua laughed despite itself, only mildly alarmed by the way it rattled in his chest. Gon’s voice had a way of softening everything. “So how strong are you now?”
“I’m stronger than I was before, Killua! I’m almost strong enough to come find you!”
Killua choked. “Wh-at?” The cold was nothing, suddenly.
“I don’t just want to not slow you down, Killua. I have to be really strong so I can protect both of you!”
Killua pressed a fist into his cheek. “Idiot,” he bumbled, “I don’t need protecting.”
There was a weighted pause. Killua tucked his free hand under his arm, pacing up and down the motel’s raised walkway. “Hey, Killua...” Gon’s voice was soft now, serious. “Bisqui taught me how to turn your nen into electricity. I-” Killua inhaled silently, his eyes a little wild as he stepped back, biting his lip. “I’m amazed, Killua is really amazing, but... I’m also sad, you know? And kind of. Mad.”
Killua believed in people changing, but as far as he knew Gon, Gon didn’t do ‘kind of mad’. “Gon, it’s- it’s in the past, it’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing.” And he recognized that hard edge. Something cramped in his chest, but Gon passed through it before he could formulate an answer. “Anyway, just wait a little longer, I’m working on a new technique and then I’ll come find you! I’m really close.” Gon finished on a self-satisfied note, laughing.
Killua blinked at his phone, breath caught. His heart was a drumbeat. The moon seemed to ripple as he stared at it.
Gon was serious again, quiet and weighty. “Do you think that would be okay with you, Killua?”
He exhaled noisily. His hands shook as they touched his wet cheeks, surprised by what they met there. “Ye-yeah. That’d be okay with me.”
“Good. That’s what I want.” Killua scrubbed at his cheek ineffectually, dazed. “It’s going to be so awesome!! I can’t wait to show you!” Gon shouted enthusiastically.
Killua tore the phone off his ear, holding it at arm’s length. “What the hell’s wrong with you, you idiot, do you want me to go deaf?” he yelled at the phone.
He could hear Gon laughing. A curtain moved across the way, and a light flicked on two doors down. Killua jumped and spun around, disappearing into his and Alluka’s room before anyone could catch him. He thunked his forehead against the closed door, overwhelmed by the sudden heat of the room. At least that would explain why he seemed to be blushing from head to foot.
“Maybe another year, but no more than that, ok! I’ll see you soon!”
“Uh. Yeah. Ok.”
“I gotta go!”
“Ok.”
Gon hung up, and Killua rubbed his cheeks hard. Oh boy.
He turned and startled- not that he’d admit it- when he saw nanika staring back at him, smiling. He huffed at her, eyes narrowing, pushing his phone deep into his pocket. “Was this your plan?”
Her big black eyes widened, her mouth falling into a frown. She shook her head from side to side slowly.
“Uh-hu.” He pouted, and despite having just brushed his teeth, stomped over to the minifridge and drained a bottle of chocolate milk. “...I’m not mad, you know,” he muttered, scratching his cheek.
Nanika pulled the covers up over her face, giggling. Killua snorted, dropping down on the other bed. “Who taught you these things? I definitely didn’t.”
“You’re the brawn and I’m the brains, brother!” Alluka beamed at him, throwing the covers away from her so that she could reach her arms towards the ceiling.
“If I’m the brawn then what’s Gon?”
“He’s the guard dog, silly!”
“Oh. Of course. My mistake.” He flicked off the light and went to sleep smiling, his cheeks hot where they hid under his comforter.