Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter One

Five’s Point of View.

“So, I have to go to school?” I stepped in through the door, efficiently interrupting my siblings’ conversation.

“Were you listening the whole time?” Allison looked surprised.

“Sorry bud, but you kinda do. You’re physically 14 and the law requires-” Luther tried to explain.

“Fuck the law.” I cut him off. “Why is he still living here anyway, he’s dumb as hell.”

“Five, he’s right. Sorry, bud.” Allison said.

“Yeah. Is the local public school all right to you?” Diego asked.

I gave him my “are you dumb” look. 

“I guess, whatever.” 

School isn’t exactly what I had in mind when I said I was bored this morning, but it would be … beneficial? I guess? There are some things I don’t know, like … well, there’s stuff.

And I guess there’s people there. People are good, they make me feel less alone. Maybe I could make a friend?

“You’re seriously going along with this so easily?” Diego asked.

“Yeah I guess. Besides, you guys have jobs and I get bored.”

“What about your equations?”

“Who the fuck cares about those? They’re what got me into this whole mess in the first place.” 

“I’ll bring you shopping tomorrow.” Vanya cut in, “It’ll be fun.”

“Ok sure. I’m going to bed.” I said as I walked out the door. Of course I stayed outside of it to listen in, though. 

“Wait, so who’s gonna be his parents?” 

As the room descended into chaos I had on thought.

Yep, still my siblings.

The next day wasn’t a big deal. I got a few plain shirts, two pairs of jeans, and a few hoodies. 

I liked a lot more than I got, for two reasons, the first one being that this is Vanya, and she’s paying for this herself so I don’t need to make her go broke. The second is that some of the stuff isn’t typically what a person would think I wear. 

For example, I really liked a short sleeve button up with white and mustard yellow (almost?) large stripes and a few small black stripes (I didn’t get it because it would be something a person I know would say “is this actually Five?” to if I did; tl;dr I have a rep to protect). I also almost got black skinny jeans, which would go amazing with the shirt, by the way, but they were kinda pricey.

Before we left the store Vanya asked me if that was all I’d be getting. I told her not to worry about it. 

She dropped me at the house with my new clothes because she had band practice.

I came in and set all of my stuff down in my room. I was debating whether to put it in the closet or the drawers when Allison called me downstairs.

“Hey, Five. We think we’ve figured out who would be the most believable as your parents, just don’t flip, okay?” She asked me, so I nodded. “We think that… Klaus and Diego would be the most believable…”

“Why would I flip out about that?”

“Well, they’re gay, and-”

“Again I ask, why would I flip out about that? Is there anything other than ‘they’re two guys dating’? I’ve already told them I don’t care. They’d be the most believable, too. Besides, I’m gay, so…?”

“You’re gay?” Luther asked from his position on the couch.

“Did you mishear me, dumbass. I said I’m gay. Got a problem with it?”

“No…”

“That’s what I thought.”

I pulled out my phone and plopped on the couch. 

“When’d you get a phone?” Klaus asked.

“Took some of dad’s cash to get it.”

“Atta boy!”

“Five, you can't just steal-” You can guess who said this.

“I’m his literal child, it’s pretty much an allowance.”

“I guess you’re right…”

After a few minutes of silence, Klaus broke it.

“So Diego and I will go out to sign you up tomorrow. You coming?”

“I probably should, or you’ll find a way to fuck it up.”

“Yeah yeah, go to bed, you’re getting grumpy.”

The next day wasn’t that bad. I got up at 9:00 and made myself coffee. It wasn’t the shit stuff, so I was in a pretty good mood.

Diego came down at 9:30 (he had slept the night here), and Klaus stumbled down at 10:05, reeking of something. Probably alcohol.

He plopped down on a chair and let his head hit the table hard.

“Take a shower, Klaus, or should I say Dad?” I said from my spot on the other side of the table.

“Yeah, yeah.” He waved me off but actually took a shower, so that’s a plus.

Once we rode to the school for our 11:00 appointment (I wrote out a script and had Diego say it into the phone the night before) we went in and waited in the secretary’s office before we were allowed to see the principal. 

He was nice enough. Didn’t ask too many questions. He asked me a few things about my homeschooling and I showed him some stuff I’ve studied and he said he’d put me in some advanced classes. We also filled a lot of stuff out.

And then we left.

When we got back to the house we were bombarded with questions. I told them to shut the fuck up, teleported to my room, and flopped onto my bed.

Goddamn it my first day is in four days.

Chapter Text

Chapter Two

Third Person Point of View

On Five’s first day of school, he wakes up at 7:00. Yeah, seven’s a bit early when school starts at 8:30, but he wanted to be prepared, because no matter how dismissive he acts about it, he really wants to do good. (He’s excited about the prospect of friends.) 

He puts on a pair of his jeans and a gray t-shirt, but, knowing that his outfit was too plain, puts on a black hoodie over it. He then went downstairs to make himself some coffee and grab his school bag (which Allison had put together for him).

At 8:00 Diego comes downstairs. He was going to drive him to school today, because according to Allsion, “It looks bad when you walk to school on your first day.” Of course Five wouldn’t actually walk, he’d just teleport to a block or so away and walk from there, but that’s essentially what she meant.

By the time Diego had dropped him off, it was 8:25. He sprinted into the school.

***

By the time Five made his way into homeroom, it was 8:40. He introduced himself as Five Hargreeves and sat down in the back of the classroom. 

The teacher took attendance and left the kids to do whatever, because she had to copy papers for her History class, which Five would be in after lunch.

An Asian girl walked up to him once the teacher left the room. 

“So what’s your name?” She asked.

“I already said it; Five. What’s yours?”

“I’m Mun-Hee. That can’t be your real name though, it’s a number!” Mun-Hee said.

“It is though!” Five said, laughing.

“Well not for long…”

“What does that mean?”

“You’ll have to wait to find out, Five. Ugh, I hate that, please tell me you have a nickname?” She asked.

“Nope, I’m just Five.”

“Well, just Five, do you have anyone to help you catch up with the work?” Mun-Hee asked.

“No, I don’t know anyone here.”

“That fucking sucks, man. I’ll help you,” she got out her phone, “What’s your Snapchat?”

“What’s Snapchat?”

“Yeah, this will not be happening! This is a travesty! You don’t know what Snapchat is?!”

“No, not really…” 

“Oh, you poor thing. Please say you have a phone at least?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“‘Kay, hand it here.”

Five looked at her suspiciously.

“Oh! Don’t worry, I won’t steal your phone, I already have one! I’m just gonna give you my number so I can help you catch up. You should totally download Snapchat and Instagram, though.” She said.

“But why, what’s the point of it?”

“You poor child!”

“Hey!” Five exclaimed.

“I’ll have to explain everything to you later. What lunch period do you have?”

*** 

“Hey Five, how was your first day of school?” Allison asked when Five came through the living room.

Five ignored her, skipping up to his room. He put his stuff away and took out his homework. Just when he was about to start it, his phone dinged.

(Groupchat) Welcoming the New Boy 

Hannah

how did u like the school today, kiddo?

Mun-Hee

yeah, how’d u like it

(get the mac n cheese tomorrow, it’s super good)

Five

It was really fun today. Thank you for showing me around.

Hannah

a person who uses correct grammar?

unacceptable

Five

Sorry?

Mun-Hee

u need a real name

Five 

Five is my real name.

Hannah

no, shes right

u need an actual name

Five 

I don’t know…

Mun-Hee

it’s ok

we’ll find 1

just focus on filling out that atrocious history report

Five 

Why won’t you focus on it?

Hannah

she already did it lmao

Five 

what is an “lmao”?

Hannah

yeah munhee, we have our work cut out for us

Mun-Hee

we need to make him a snapchat and an insta soon lmao

he didn’t even know what they were when I asked for his

Hannah

WHAT?!

Five chuckled, turning off his phone. Mun-Hee was right, he did have a History report to start on.

Chapter Text

Chapter Three

Third Person Point of View

Allison, Diego, Klaus, Luther, and Vanya were all sitting in the living room discussing Five’s first month of school.

“He seems happier now, doesn’t he?” Allison pointed out.

“Yeah, he does. That’s really good, it means he’s getting friends.” Luther said.

“Did you guys notice he got a Snapchat?” Klaus asked.

“Yeah, he added me yesterday.” Vanya said. Allison looked incredulous.

“He hasn’t added me!” Allison cried.

“You have a weird ass name to ward off fans, Allison. He probably doesn’t know your user.” Diego pointed out.

“Oh, you’re right.”

“You guys should see what he posted earlier. He’s going shopping with his friends.” Klaus said, his phone having been out the whole time.

“I thought he was sleeping?”

“Honestly, Luther, you know this kid likes to get up at the asscrack of dawn everyday. Why does it surprise you?” Klaus asked.

“He was late to school yesterday.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s odd…”

***

“Felix! Record this!” Hannah yelled. 

Hannah, Mun-Hee’s girlfriend and Five’s second friend ever, Mun-Hee, Felix, Five’s other friend, and Five were all running around an empty parking lot, to “blow off steam”. 

Felix had been playing around on Five’s Snapchat when she yelled that. He went back to the main part of his Snapchat and recorded Hannah jump into an empty shopping cart and roll through the lot. (During the whole thing Five was laughing his ass off and Mun-Hee was cheering for her to go faster.)

Felix had been posting some really odd stuff on Five’s Snapchat the entire time they had been at the mall (which was hours by now). Some things he posted ere the girls popping up from behind random mannequins, Five doing a handstand the whole way down an escalator and the girls dancing in the middle of a walkway because their “jam came on”. 

By the time they were back in the mall/(this time just looking for a Cinnabon, it was past 3:00. 

“Damn, we’ve been here all day, haven’t we?” Felix asked.

“Yeah pretty much,” Five said.

Meanwhile, Mun-Hee and Hannah were watching them from a few steps away, squealing about “ships”. 

Randomly, Mun-Hee broke the content small talk. “I figured out a name for Five!”

“Wait, really?!”

“Let’s hear it!”

“It is, drumroll please…”

“Just say it, dear!”

“Alex!”

They all took a moment to look at Five.

“Yep, he’s definitely an Alex.”

And so his name was Alex.

(They totally then went through the trouble of changing his Snapchat to their theme [ughmunhee, ughhannah, ughfelix, and now ughalex] so it seemed more normal.)

(Also, Alex absolutely loves his new name.)

Chapter Text

(Groupchat) hello botches

Fairy 

what tf is this chat name tho

Pixie

1- let me like what I fucking like ok

2- im glad we finally corrupted u

Fairy

fuck you

Angel

that’s what I’m for sweetie

Phoenix 

hannah!!!

Angel 

felix!!!

Fairy

how’d we end up with these weird ass usernames tho

Angel

I’m offended you forgot

Phoenix

^

Pixie

it started when I called you small

Fairy

u didn’t say that I was small 

u said

“ur so tiny ur like a motherfucking fairy”

asshole

Pixie

no need to insult me Lexie

Fairy

Ugh

ill throw myself off a cliff lmao

Phoenix

alex 

i bet I can make you cheer up ;)

Fairy

BITCH WTF

Angel 

i kno i make a LOT of dirty jokes

but I’m just 15, and so r u

this ain’t happening on this chat young man

Phoenix

I didn’t mean it that way!!

Pixie

yeah sure

Fairy

not 2 mention I’m 14

Pixie

yeah Lexie’s the baby

dont pollute him perv

Phoenix 

Im sorry!!!

I didn’t mean it like that 

⊂(・﹏・⊂) 

Fairy

ur forgiven

if u come over and help me with this art project

Phoenix

omw 

Phoenix is offline.

Fairy is offline.

Angel 

ahh

young love

Pixie

well now that they’re gone

;)

Angel

bitch wtf

im a pure child

Pixie

We know that’s a whole ass lie

but ill forgive u if I come cuddle

Angel

but only if it’s only cuddling

Pixie

of course bby

i wouldn’t break ur trust like that

Pixie is offline.

Angel is offline.

Chapter Text

yoooo guess which bitch is back??

if u guessed me: ur right!!

so basically i read y’all’s amazing comments and decided to start updating again

congrats y’all convinced me

anyway so here i am

i’ll be updating past chapters to have actual slang because i cringed whole reading them lmaooo

so yeah i stand by my decision that Five = Alex and that’s shit isn’t changing

also i still hate luther as a character but i now understand that the was he acts is a byproduct of his abusive and neglect i’ve upbringing and that he likely latched onto it to fill the hole in his heart where his fathers love was supposed to go

ill also be setting this in 2020 minus the pandemic because wtf mother nature

gimme some suggestions in the comments if you have them 💕