Archive of Our Own ^beta

It was a party night.

The people in the room were laughing, talking, drinking, dancing. Everyone was happy there. Papillon wouldn’t have a victim in that place. Maybe he could use two people on that room, but they had been used as akumas once.

Alya cringed, adjusting the orange shawl she wore over her long formal dress, trying to warm up.

She knew that it had been the biggest mistake of her life to have agreed with Marinette and Adrien and coming with them. It would have been much better staying at home, writing furiously some of the articles that had been delayed or simply jumping from roof to roof and patrolling Paris like she had done for five years.

What was she thinking when she agreed to come?

Nino, she thought. It’s for Nino that I’m here.

As much as it was suicide to stay in that place, it was because of Nino that she was there.

Alya sighed, running her hands over her face, drying it. She looked at her fingers, hoping to see some black traces of her mascara, but there was nothing. Mari must have used waterproof mascara.

Blessed be that smart girl.

Trixx left Alya’s purse, and flew to the height of his Chosen’s eyes.

“Alya,” he whispered, slipping into Alya’s curls, being careful not to undo her hair. “we can go home if you want. They will understand.”

Closing her eyes, Alya nodded. Suddenly listening to steps, Trixx flew at speed of light back into the bag hanging on the shoulder of his Chosen.

The woman turned, and her heart clenched as she saw Nino approaching. He was in a suit, though his tie was gone. It was strange to see him with tidy hair and without the red cap he loved so much – a cap he had to buy again because Alya stole the one he'd been wearing since his childhood and hid inside her apartment.

And she never gave it back. It was the only thing she did not give him back when they broke up.

Even his heart, which he gladly gave with all the love in the world to his brave reporter, Alya forced herself to return.

Alya looked him up and down, noticing that his eyes were a little worried, and deep purple purses were visible beneath his eyes.

“Hey.” He said, running his hand through his hair, like he did every time he was anxious about something.

“Hi.” she replied, forcing a smile that was not in her eyes.

“It’s very cold out here”. he commented, stepping closer. He placed them on the balcony, looking at the horizon. The scenery was beautiful, but…

Empty for both.

“The sexual tension between Adrien and Mari was bothering me.” Alya smiled, this time an honest smile. Since their friends started dating two years ago, they were always having a honeymoon phase.

“They’re both so unbearable!” Nino teased. “When they stare at each other? Looks like they’re having sex. It’s disgusting.”

“Tell me about it!” Alya rolled her eyes, giggling softly. A small relief filled her chest that had been tight for some time. It was so easy to talk to Nino. Play with Nino. Being with Nino...

No, Alya, don’t think about it! It’s ended. You’ve made your decision. It’s over now.

Because I was forced! Because I needed!

But it’s over now. It’s water under the bridge.

Alya sighed, shrugging her fingers.

“Alya, I… I’m very glad you came. Even though I know how much it bothered you to be here. You’ve been crying, haven’t you?”

“I’m glad I came, Nino. Really.” She chose not to answer his question and change the subject. “The headphones are hanging in your neck? Really?”

“I…” he trailed off, his hand brushing the orange headphones, a gift Alya gave him when they were still dating. “The wedding songs are cool, but…”

“You prefer your songs.” she said. “You’re incorrigible.”

“Ah, come on, my songs are the bomb.”

“And you know what the worse thing is? You’re right. They’re really good.” she commented, pretending she was making a great sacrifice for it. Nino laughed, pulling off his headphones, and handing it to her.

“Have you got your cell phone?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“I want to hear your playlist to know if you still listen to good music.”

“Excuse me?” she pretended to be offended. “My musical taste is infinitely better than yours!”

“Oh, really?” he raised his eyebrow, grabbing his cell phone and plugging in the headphones. He handed it to Alya, who hesitated. “I’ll show you a song. If it’s better than yours, you’re forced to go back indoors, get a glass of champagne, and have some fun.”

“What if mine is better?”

“You can ask me anything.”

Alya has gone through many temptations in life and failed miserably in almost all of them, giving in once more. The decision she regretted the most was having said yes to Papillon when he offered her the Lady Wifi’s powers.

But she was almost certain that she would regret even more the decision she made now. She picked up the headphones and put them on her ears, closing her eyes.

The familiar sound filled Alya’s hearing. It was a song by Echos, a band she loved so much. The music was Gold. She would never, ever, forget that song.

It was the first song she heard from Echos, music that Nino showed her. It was the music she heard every night to sleep because it reminded her about her lover. Because of his eyes –  the golden which warmed her and loved her.

It was the song he chose to play on her eighteenth birthday, when they made love for the first time. When she promised never leaving him, no matter what.

A promise that she broke the next day, when she almost saw him being killed in front of her because she was too stupid, and in the middle of her second mission as Rena Rouge almost making him being killed.

Everything happened because she stopped to help other civilians and threw herself in front of a chair that had been thrown at Nino only because she didn’t want him to get hurt.

The akuma saw that Nino was her weakness and took advantage of it. Sometimes when she closed her eyes, she could still see Nino squirming in akuma’s hands, as the villain hurt him while she was unarmed, defenseless, and with her hands around her necklace, almost handing it over to the villain so that Nino would be safe again.

If it weren’t for Ladybug and Chat Noir, she would be lost.

That’s why she broke up with him. Because she knew as long as she had that necklace around her neck, while she was protecting Paris and had this mission on her shoulders, she couldn’t be with him. Alya would always put herself in danger and Nino would always go after her to do something to protect his girlfriend.

Papillon was impatient. His akumas were more powerful and bloodthirsty. They didn’t care if anyone would get hurt or die. He wanted power, he wanted the miraculous and he would do anything for it.

Alya couldn’t control herself. If Nino were in danger again, she would kill anyone – and herself – just to make him safe. She would do crazy things for him.

And she wouldn’t allow it.

She knew that even though he was only her ex, she would still take the risk for him. But when she embraced her fate as Rena Rouge, she embraced Trixx's company and broke up with Nino. She did it because she hoped he would stay away from her and be safe again.

And it worked. Nino stepped away from her life.

Nino was away from her now and she had to be happy.

But she wasn’t.

She heard the song with her eyes closed, feeling the tears falling on her cheeks, when she finally had the courage to lift her head and take off the headphones.

“How could you do this with me? You know what this song means to me!” she said with shaken voice and handed over the headphones to him.

“Alya…”

“You know what it does to me and yet you made me listen! Do you know how much I try to banish this song from my life? I deleted it from all my devices, I ignored it! I just stopped listening to Echos because of this song!”

“Please, let me explain.”

“I tried to get it out from my heart and my mind, but at night I always wake up to the echo of this song in my head. I always wake up with the lyrics on my mouth and with memories in my mind. The memories of your body on mine and your eyes and… and feeling the love that you fell for me… how could you, Nino? I banished this song from my life for my sanity, for your sake, for your safety. I miss you every single day. I wake up at dawn longing to hear it. I want it back to my life, but it’s too late!”

“You chose to keep it away from you!”

Suddenly, it wasn’t about the music they were talking about.

“I had to choose that. I had to get you away from my life, Nino, because suddenly it was no longer safe to have you by my side.”

“What has changed, Alya? I… I thought it had been perfect, that you had liked... Did you regret it? Did… did I hurt you that night?”

Her anger dissipated at the sight of the despair on his eyes. He thought that their relationship ended because he had done something she did not like or because he had hurt her.

“Oh, Nino, no!” she whispered, approaching and touching his face with the palm of her hand. Nino leaned toward her hand, intensifying the warmth of the touch. “That night was perfect and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.”

“Then why, Alya? W-Why we broke up?”

“Does it matter, Nino?” she said, sighing tiredly. “It's past. We move forward with our lives. Soon, you're going to the US to be the famous DJ you deserve, and you're happy.”

“I still want to know, please. Sometimes I can’t sleep thinking about it. I still think it was something I did.”

“No, it was something I did. But that doesn’t matter anymore. I… I made the decision to break up with you, Nino, because I thought it would be best. I thought you'd be better without me. I broke up with you because I loved you so much. I would hurt you, and I would never want to see you hurt.”

“You thought you would hurt me? You were afraid of hurting me? What the hell would you do that would hurt me, Alya?” he said confused.

“I can’t tell you.”

“And why not?” he shouted in frustration.

“Because I can’t!” she cried back, sobbing. He shook his head angrily.

“I have loved you since I was fourteen, Césarie. The four years we spent together were the best years of my life.”

“Don’t say that! You can’t say this. Not today.”

“I can and I will. I don’t regret the decisions I've made in my life or the ones I've taken that lead to this day, but…” He trailed off, taking a deep breath, trying to contain himself. “But you know that if at any moment before tonight you asked me to run away with you, I would.”

“Stop!” she screamed, covering her ears, blocking the echo of the music playing in her head and his voice. “I don’t want to hear it.”

“You never wanted to, Alya. You just broke up with me and you didn’t even give me an explanation. Don’t you think I deserve one?”

“You do, but I can’t tell you.”

He cupped her face in his hands and pressed her forehead against his.

“Why did you abandon me, Alya?”

“Because I wanted you to be safe.” she cried.

“Was it worth it?”

“Yes. You’re alive, happy, and safe.”

“Why did you leave me?” he asked in a whisper, his mouth close to hers.

“Because I love you, idiot.” she whispered, burying her fingers in his hair, wanting to break the distance between them, between their mouths. “Say yes, Nino, and I’ll kiss you. Say no, and I’ll walk away from your life forever. I’ve already made many decisions about our relationship and I did it alone. I'm giving you the opportunity to decide our ways.”

She saw the temptation in his golden eyes. She saw how much he wanted her, how much he still love her.

Just like the lyrics of the song… his eyes say so much to her.

“No, Alya.” he finally said, taking her arms out of his neck and pulling her away. “I can’t”

“Yeah. Right.” she agreed, moving away. “I understand.”

“I think you’d better go in. You can catch a cold or something. It’s really cold here.” he said, turning his back on her.

“It's true. Actually… Can you tell Marinette I went home?”

He nodded, his hand on the door handle of the balcony, ready to go back into the party.

“Nino?” Alya called.

“Yes?” he turned, staring at her.

“Be happy, babe. You deserve it.” even so she was filled with pain inside and tears on her eyes, she truly smiled at him.

And she was rewarded by the sweet and sincere smile that made her fall in love with him.

“You too, babe.” and then he entered the hall.

Alone again, Alya wrapped the shawl around her shoulders. She opened her purse, releasing Trixx and stared into the purple eyes of her kwami.

“Come on, Trixx. Let's go home.”

*

Nino approached Adrien, who was talking to Ivan.

“Hey dude. A word?” And without the consent of the man, he pulled his friend by the arm.

“Easy, Nino.” Adrien gripped his shoulders in concern. “What happened?”

“Where’s Mari?”

“She is trying to find Alya.”

Nino shook his head.

“Alya went home.”

“Nino, are you okay?” Adrien said worried.

“I am. It’s just... there’s a lot on my mind, you know? I still can’t assimilate everything.” He sighed, looking at the bride in the middle of the dance floor, laughing.

“I get it. If you need me, you know where to find me, right?”

“Yeah, I know.” Nino squeezed his best friend's shoulder. “Well, let me go. Malia will freak out if I disappear.”

“Yeah. I'm going to look for Mari.”

“Ok, dude. Thanks for everything.”

After a tight hug, Nino headed to the center of the dance floor, putting his hand into his pocket and stroking the head of Wayzz, his kwami, who caressed his fingers trying to comfort his Chosen.

Nino stopped halfway, lifting the sleeve of his jacket. Since when he received it, the tortoise-shaped jade bracelet weighed on his wrist. Becoming a hero the day after Alya broke up with him had been the pillar of Nino's sanity. If he didn’t have to save Paris, he would have buried himself in suffering. But he knew he couldn’t get carried away, that he had to move on, that Paris, Ladybug, Chat Noir, Rena... they all needed Carapace. They needed Nino.

But the greater burden of responsibility came from the ring around his finger.

“Nino! Dear!” Malia ran, clutching the edges of her wedding dress, laughing excitedly.

He quickly lowered his sleeve and forced a smile.

“Hey, honey.” he said.

“Come on, time for our waltz. Hey...” her smile died. “Is everything ok?”

“It’s gonna be okay.” he promised, kissing her forehead. “I swear.”