Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

12:08 PM | Disasters

Osamu Dazai has added Akiko Yosano, Atsushi Nakijima and 6 others to 'Disasters'.

Osamu Dazai changed his name to “Deadzai”

Deadzai: please help what pages did Fukuzawa assign yesterday

Ranpo Edogawa: and whyyy should we tell you?

Akiko Yosano: ^^^

Deadzai:because i dont want to get in trouble for not doing the reading T-T

Kenji Miyazawa: I think it was chapter 4-6?

Deadzai: thank you kenjiiii!

Kenji Miyazawa: No problem :D!

Akiko Yosano has changed Kenji Miyazawa’s name to “baby”

baby: C:

Doppo Kunikida: If that was all you needed Dazai, can I please leave this train wreck of a group chat?

Deadzai: absolutely not!!

Deadzai has changed Doppo Kunikida’s name to “Mom”

Mom: Thanks, I hate it.

Atsushi Nakajima: Did mom just m e m e?

Mom: I am not your mother.

Deadzai has changed Akiko Yosano’s name to “Grey’s Anatomy”

Grey’s Anatomy: i will break your fucking kneecaps

Ranpo Edogawa: fitting tbh

Grey’s Anatomy: traitor

Deadzai has changed Ranpo Edogawa’s name to “bens dick cum patch”

Atsushi Nakajima: FUVKSKAJJENABSBDBHA

Deadzai has changed Atsushi Nakajima’s name to “rawr XD”

Deadzai has changed Kyouka Izumi’s name to “murder hobo”

Deadzai has changed Junichirou Tanizaki’s name to “wouldnt you like to know, weather boy”

rawr XD: pfft-

wouldn't you like to know, weather boy: meteorology is cool, you guys are just mean

Grey’s Anatomy: its not a BAD show, its accurate at least..

bens dick cum patch: BAHHDJAJEJJA OKAY BOTTIM

Grey’s Anatomy: bottim

Deadzai: bottim

murder hobo: bottim

rawr XD: bottim

bens dick cum patch: @Mom HELOBIM BEING BULLIED

Mom: …

Mom: bottim

bens dick cum patch: WHSHHSHWJKDMNAISNQJS AUJR

Deadzai: FUCKIN WRECKRD

Mom has changed Deadzai’s name to “Safety Hazard”

safety hazard: fair

Mom: We ALL have assignments due soon, get to work, disasters.

Mom has muted the chat for 3 hours.

----

Dazai clicked his phone off with a snicker. throwing it in the bed and opening his textbook. He looked idly at the first page and groaned. ‘Nope, can't do it.’

He grabbed his tan jacket from the coat hanger in his dorm and walked out. As he made his way out of the dorm building, he took a minute to allow himself to adjust to the warm August air. Dazai’s dorm was always freezing cold, no matter what he did. He preferred it that way anyways.

The brunette kept walking until he approached his favorite bar and grill. He stepped in the familiar building with a smile. A friendly face waved him to the bar immediately.

“Hey, Dazai! How’s it going?” the redhead asked, drying off a glass.

“Hey Oda! pretty good, all things considered.” Dazai hummed. He looked behind his friend and into the kitchen. He saw a face he didn’t know, which was very odd. Dazai came here all the time and this kid had never been in before.

Odasaku must have noticed the other’s staring because he interrupted his pondering. “Oh, Right! We’ve got some new staff!” he grinned. “Good kid, trying to afford college. Hey Nakahara!”

The short man’s head snapped up at his name being called by his boss. He walked out and his eyes met Dazai’s.

‘Shit, he’s kinda pretty-’ but the brunette immediately silenced the thought.

“Nakahara, this is Osamu Dazai, he’s easily our best customer.”

Nakahara sighed and extended a hand to Dazai. “Just Chuuya is fine.”

“Good to meet you, Chuuya!” He said with a goofy smirk.

After Dazai ordered his usual (A grilled cheese with crab and whiskey on the rocks) and spent some time chatting with Oda. He paid for his meal, left his usual generous tip and headed out, back to his dorm. Checking his phone he saw a notification from Yosano.

---

Akiko Yosano | Osamu Dazai

Doc: Dazai

Doc: Dazai

Doc: Osamu fucking Dazai answer your phone right now.

Patient: ???

Patient: is everything okay?

Doc: no

Doc: im getting fucking evicted from my apartment

Patient: shit

Doc: I cant afford anywhere else either right now

Patient: do you need help rn??

Doc: Ranpo is talking with the building owner atm, hes pissed because i didnt get any notice

Patient: how long do you have??

Doc: Six days

Patient: fuck, im sorry

Patient: i could try to talk to mori about getting you a dorm,

Doc: You dont have to do that, i know you dont want to talk to him at all, dazai

Patient: yeah, id absolutely avoid any contact with my dipshit father but that doesnt matter. he has a lot of sway with the board and im sure he could get you a place in the dorms.

Doc: thank you so much,

Patient: Its fine, anything for a friend

---

Dazai sighed and as he took a detour, heading toward the administration office. He talked to the receptionist briefly before heading to Mori’s office.

“What a surprise, Osamu, I didn’t think I would be seeing you today.” The black haired man hummed.

“Cut the shit,” Dazai grumbled. “I need a favor.” He hissed out.

“Oh? What might that be?” Mori sang gleefully.

Dazai clenched a fist and bit the inside of his mouth. ‘Calm down, it’ll be fine’

“Akiko Yosano, she’s getting evicted from her apartment in a week without warning and she can’t afford another place where she could reach the school buildings in time for her classes, Dazai sighed. “I was hoping you could pull some strings and find her a place in the dorms.

Mori stroked his chin thoughtfully. “I suppose I could find her a place. She is a model student, one of my favourites,” he smiled, “I wouldn’t want her talent to go to waste.”

Dazai and Mori exchanged a few more meaningless words before Dazai headed back to his dorm. He saw Atsushi leaving on his way in.

“Where are you headed?” Dazai questioned.

Atsushi went red as a tomato. “W-Well, Uh- I have a-” he cleared his throat. “I have a class!” he said and then rushed off before Dazai could ask anything else.

Dazai stepped inside his own dorm and threw his jacket on the couch. ‘What luck I have, getting a single dorm for the price of a double just because they cant find anyone to room with me.’ he chuckled to himself.

He opened his phone and saw that Yosano had updated the group on what was happening.

---

Disasters | 2:46 PM

Mom: There is no way they can do that!

Grey’s Anatomy: Well they did :/

Grey’s Anatomy: Ranpo is still on the phone yelling, its been almost two hours

Safety Hazard: I talked to Mori. The Weasel said he would try to do something for you, do with that info as you will.

Mom: Ougai Mori?

Safety Hazard: Yes.

Mom: Why were you talking with him?

Safety Hazard: To get Yosano a room, I thought I had made that clear.

Mom: Yes, but why you and not Yosano herself? Mori seems to like her.

Safety Hazard: I asked him because he’s my father.

Mom: WHAT?!

Safety Hazard: Yeah. He adopted me when I was 13.

Grey’s Anatomy: Ranpo’s back

bens dick cum patch: Im goinng to fucking kill someone. this stupid transphobic motherfucker is going to rot in a ditch, i swear it.

rawr XD: what did i just come back to?!?!

Mom: Read up.

rawr XD: oh damn… im really sorry Yosano

bens dick cum patch: the only one gonna be sorry is the fucking owner. he cant fucking do that.

Grey's Anatomy: they probably can.

Mom: Okay now I’m confused.

Grey's Anatomy: That actually makes me :’)

bens dick cum patch: stealth 100 lmAO

Mom: ?????????

Grey's Anatomy: Im transgender

Grey’s Anatomy: Male to Female

Mom: OH

Mom: I support you completely Yosano!

bens dick cum patch: Wholesome

bens dick cum patch: But im gonna commit a felony. the fucker straight up said

bens dick cum patch: sorry in advance akiko

Grey's Anatomy: Oh its fine, youre just quoting him and ive probably heard worse anyways

bens dick cum patch: infuriating but okay

bens dick cum patch: “i dont want that stupid trap in my building, that he-she deserves to live on the street” and some more stuff i’d much rather not repeat because we dont stan saying slurs in this gc >:(

Grey's Anatomy: Wow! I’d much rather not be in this building anymore!!

Mom: Completely understandable. Atsushi and I’s room is always open to you, and Dazai also has space if you’d like to stay there temporarily.

Grey's Anatomy: I appreciate the thought but Id rather not stay in the guy’s dorm

Mom: Of course, my apologies.

murder hobo: I can ask my roommate if you could stay with us, Yosano. I'm sure she wouldn't mind.

Grey's Anatomy: That’d be amazing Kyouka, you absolute angel

bens dick cum patch: Wholesome!

rawr XD: is Dazai still around? he hasnt said anything..

Safety Hazard: Yeah i'm around

Grey's Anatomy: You alright?

Safety Hazard: Of course, why wouldnt I be?

Grey's Anatomy: Im coming over, jackass. I told you, you didnt have to go see the snake, Dazai

Safety Hazard: Im just peachy, you dont have to come over now.

Grey's Anatomy: Bullshit, ive known you ling enough to tell when something is up

rawr XD: Yosano: mom friend mode: activate

Mom: I thought I was the ‘Mom Friend’?

Safety Hazard: You are, kunikida

Safety Hazard: im doing a lot better now them earlier too, you dont have to come take care if me yosano,

Grey’s Anatomy: fine, but we're all going for lunch tomorrow. i decree it.

bens dick cum patch: yes ma’am

---

Chapter Text

Chuuya slipped out of his bed. He heard bickering in the kitchen and smelled something… Burning? ‘Oh for fuck sakes-’

The ginger pulled a t-shirt over his head and changed out of his pajama pants and into a pair of tight black jeans. Approaching the kitchen he saw his cousins pushing each other away from the stovetop, where a frying pan of bacon was becoming more burnt by the second. 

“Take it off, its done!” Gin said with another shove. 

“I was about to, before you started getting grabby!” Ryunoske hissed. 

Chuuya sighed. “Both of you out, i've got it!”

Gin snickered at her brother before stealing a hair tie from Chuuya’s wrist. He flicked her in the head as she pulled her hair back into a high ponytail. 

As he served plates of bacon and toast to the Akutagawa siblings he checked his phone, seeing messages from his group. 

---

gAnGsTa’Z | 7:23 AM

March 22, 2013: Gin is going to burn the house down and kill us all

March 22, 2013: Chuuya is still asleep

Grand papa: f

ACAB: silence, boomer

Grand papa: respect your elders, fuckin brat

ACAB: ChUUYA IS AWAKE

March 22, 2013: and I burnt the bacon

March 22, 2013: i'm afraid

no scurvy in this house: ew akutagawa you nasty bacon burner

ACAB: BAHAHAHAHAH

gimme my hat back jordan: the bacon kinda nasty tho 

gimme my hat back jordan: it tastes like fish-

ACAB: it does its scary

March 22, 2013: why do i even try?

chernobyl blossom: oh dear

gimme my hat back jordan: ???

ACAB: what?

chernobyl blossom: Kyouka is inviting a friend of hers to stay with us indefinitely.

prick: kyouka??????

ACAB: kouyou’s dormmate, you dense bastard

prick: ouch, no need to be a bitch 

ACAB: I will wear your skin like a cheap walmart tux, Tachihara

prick: oh yeah? bet?

ACAB: :)

gimme my hat back jordan: holy fuck dude, you're absolutely screwed. 

prick: w h a t

March 22, 2013: Gin just walked into the kitchen and then left the house and I think she took a knife

prick: W H A T

no scurvy in this house: f in chat

chernobyl blossom: …

chernobyl blossom: well ANYWAYS

chernobyl blossom: I’m fine with Kyouka’s friend staying, I guess I should get ready to meet her. 

prick: I JUST HEARD SOMETHING OUTSIDE 

prick: HELP IM SORRY I WAS JUST JOKISASKEKKQFN TN-&()

prick: $-8_82829’qocn!ajjm ql

ACAB: hey Chuuya im omw back home, could you wait a few minutes for me to get there and give me a ride to class when you head out?

gimme my hat back jordan: yeah sure

---

Chuuya sat in waiting for Gin to arrive. She walked in the door a few minutes later with a slightly bloody knife in hand. “No, I didn’t do any serious damage!” she giggled. 

Ryunoske snorted and Chuuya gave an affectionate sigh, grabbing his hat and jacket from a nearby hook. Gin rushed around grabbing her things and the three headed out to Chuuya's car. 

After dropping his cousins off in campus, he drove a few blocks away to the Lupin Bar and Grill. 

When he came through the staff entrance in the back, the guy from yesterday was sitting in the counter talking to Odasaku. 

“Hey Chuuya!” Oda said with a warm smile. Even though his boss was only two years older than him, he still gave off such a positive, fatherly energy. 

As Chuuya pulled off his hat and jacket near the entrance, he heard the brunette snicker. 

“That’s an…” Dazai paused to cover his mouth from laughing more. “...Interesting hat,”

Chuuya glared at the cocky guy. ‘As hot as he may be, I will not take shit from this dude.’

“You don’t have much room to talk with that outfit, bud,” Chuuya snapped. “You’re going to get disgusting crab juice all over those bandages, dipshit,” 

Dazai gave a pout. “Oda~ Your new puppy is attacking me!” he spoke in an exasperated voice.

“Play nice you two!” Yelled another voice from the kitchen. Chuuya was so caught up with Dazai that he hadn't noticed another coworker behind him working. Chuuya didn't recognize him, but there were lots of employees he had yet to meet, so he didn’t think too much of it. 

Dazai chuckled. “Sorry Ango, this tiny little kid coming in has me shocked~!” He teased. A taller figure with dark, slicked back hair and round glasses came into view. 

Chuuya gave a yap and pushed the brunette off the counter. “Im 22 you tall assed bastard!”

Dazai hit the floor with a thud. He reached a single hand back up onto the bar and then flopped back onto the floor. “T-Tell.. my f-father,” he gasped and wheezed dramatically. “Tell him that… I hate his guts.” he said finally before making a ‘blarg’ sound and going limp. 

The bell at the door alerted them all to the fact that more people were entering the building. 

“Get off your ass and stop giving the poor staff trouble, Dazai!” Barked a taller blond man clutching a pen and notebook. He wrote furiously in the book and didn’t seem to notice or care when he stepped in Dazai’s chest, simply walking over him. 

A bunch more people walked in behind him. Clearly they knew Dazai. Chuuya recognized Kyouka talking with another woman and a guy.

“Hey Kyouka! What are you doing hanging around this asswipe?” he said to the girl, housting Dazai up over the bar. 

Kyouka looked over and smiled slightly. “I wasn't aware you had met Dazai,”

“Kyouka, Atsushi! Help! This rabid chihuahua is attacking me!” Dazai begged to his friends.

Dazai reached off the ground for someone’s assistance. “At least make sure my death is fast! I want a painless suicide, not to be torn apart!” 

A kid with white, choppy hair grabbed Dazai and pushed him toward the table the others were sitting.

“Wait, aren’t you Ryunoske’s-” Chuuya thought aloud as he examined the one who had retrieved the bandaged bastard. 

The teen, Atsushi, gave a horrified yelp and brought one finger to his mouth to silence the ginger. Chuuya smirked and nodded. 

Oda walked out to get the ordered for the large group and then Chuuya began slaving away for them in the kitchen. 

As Chuuya chopped some lettuce he allowed his mind to wander. ‘Dazai and Oda seem to be pretty close. He must come here pretty often to be that close with him, or maybe they know each other from someplace else?’

“Hey Oda?” the short man asked, aloud this time. 

Odasaku glanced up from what he was doing. “Yeah? Whats up?” 

Chuuya hummed as he contemplated his wording. “Does Dazai and his crew come in often?” He finally asked, preparing the last meal to be delivered. 

“Dazai does,” he smiled “He and Yosano- the short black haired woman,” he gestured vaguely at her “have been coming here for years and years, they’re childhood friends. I remember my dad serving them lots and I would occasionally hang out with them as well,”

Nodding silently, Chuuya carried a few plates out to the chaotic group’s table. As he placed the dishes in front of them, the shitfaced brunette grinned at him. 

“Good doggy! You want a treat?” Dazai quipped, holding up a piece of crab from his plate. 

Chuuya growled and threw a towel at his face, narrowly missing one of his friends. “Like hell I’d ever want anything from you, you hot, dickhopping, crab eating pile of shit!” 

“Well aren't you a shortstack of repressed homosexual tendancies, aren’t you?” Added a dark haired guy in a brown hat and glasses. 

Chuuya gave a ticked off grin. “Who said they were repressed?”

That shut him up and made everyone else at the table laugh. As Chuuya began to turn and walk away victorious, Dazai spoke again. “Im flattered that a slug like you would be interested, after all, how could you not!” he said with a hand in his chest. “But I’m afraid that I am straight.”

Chuuya snapped back around and gave Dazai a deadly glare. “I was not hitting on you. believe it or not I have a bar of standards that isn’t on the ground.” he bit out before storming away. 

Chuuya took his 15 minute break and turned on his phone while pulling a cigarette out of his jacket and lighting it. 

---

gAnGsTa’Z | 11:41 AM

gimme my hat back jordan: GOD I FUCKING HATE HUMANS

March 22, 2013: me fucking too, chuuya. 

ACAB: why, may i ask?

gimme my hat back jordan: my boss has this prick who always comes in, he brought a bunch of his friends and then started insinuating i was a DOG. I dont understand why the fuck Kyouka hang out with this prick

chernobyl blossom: Our dearest Kyouka is hanging out with who? :)

ACAB: WAGSHAGSGAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

chernobyl blossom: Do I need to kill someone? I absolutely will if you think these people aren't worthy of being friends with Kyouka. 

March 22, 2013: Kouyou is the most terrifying person I know. 

prick: YOUR SISTER LITERALLY SLICED MY SHIN OPEN A FEW HOURS AGO

March 22, 2013: I know what i said. 

gimme my hat back jordan: BACK TO ME

gimme my hat back jordan: he kept saying shit to piss me off and then made it out like i was interested in him!!!

gimme my hat back jordan: the NERVE of this fucker. 

gimme my hat back jordan: LIKE YEAH HES KIND OF HOT BUT HE MADE IT PAINFULLY OBVIOUS HOW STRAIGHT HE WAS AND JUST U G H I HATE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH. 

ACAB: mmmmmm i see

chernobyl blossom: Oh Chuuya,

gimme my hat back jordan: what

gimme my hat back jordan: also Ryu 

gimme my hat back jordan: your boy toy is friends with him

March 22, 2013: Oh

March 22, 2013: OH

March 22, 2013: OH FUCKING DAZAI

gimme my hat back jordan: YES!!! HES SO FUCKING AWFUL!? HE IS SO INSUFFERABLY HOT AND ITS ALL A WASTE BECAUSE OF HOW SHITTY HE IS

daddy’s little monster has changed gimme my hat back jordan’s name to “smitten”

smitten: SHUT THE FUCK UP ELISE I AM NOT INTERESTED IN THAT CRAB EATING ASSWAGON

daddy's little monster: sureeeeee~ 

smitten: fUCK my break is over gtg-

---

Chapter Text

Dazai giggled as the redhead stormed off. “Well that ticked him off!”

Ranpo gave him a shocked look, which was rare from him. “You’re straight? No way, you’re shitting us.”

Everyone was looking at Dazai. He crossed his arms over his chest. “Yes, I'm straight, not that it's relevant to anyone.”

“Well, alright, can’t be helped I guess,” Yosano joked. “Hate the sin, love the sinner,” she laughed. 

Atsushi giggled. “I still love you, I just can’t support that lifestyle!”

Everyone continued poking fun at Dazai as they ate. Halfway through the meal, Ranpo pulled his phone out under the table and shot a DM to Kyouka. 

Ranpo Edogawa | Kyouka Izumi

Ranpo Edogawa: can i have your roommate’s number?

Kyouka Izumi: Why?

Ranpo Edogawa: Because i want to get a hold of that waiter for dazai ;)

Kyouka Izumi: Is that a good idea? I don't want to make Dazai uncomfortable by forcing anything…

Ranpo Edogawa: We wonttt! you won't be involved at all! 

Kyouka Izumi: I'm not going to do your bidding for you, Ranpo, get Chuuya’s number yourself

Ranpo Edogawa: fineeeeee ill try with my lovely charm ;)))

---

When Chuuya came back to tend to the table to check in on them, Ranpo met his eyes with Chuuya’s. They maintained eye contact for just a bit too long for it to be normal. This caused Chuuya to hesitate a bit. Ranpo kept up the game if being 'Interested’ in the fiery ginger until the check came to the table. 

“I’ll pay today, guys!” Ranpo said hurriedly, snatching the check away from Yosano, who gave him a look that spoke clear as day: ‘What are you planning’

Ranpo left a small slip of paper with the bills with a phone number on it and left the check on the table. Everyone one by one stood up and left  A few waving and saying quick goodbyes to Odasaku. Ranpo caught Chuuya's attention and pointed to Dazai, then winked. Chuuya looked taken aback, but collected the bill. 

Chuuya took the money and as he was, he saw a small scrap of paper. Grabbing it off the floor, he gave it a quick peek. 

‘xxx-xxx-xxxx

good luck ;)’

---

Akiko Yosano | Ranpo Edogawa

Watson: Ranpo what were you doing back there? PLEASE don’t be doing anything stupid 

Sherlock: I know what im doing! Besides, the way that waiter was eyeing Dazai? theres NO WAS he wasn't interested. 

Watson: Dazai said he was straight, and as much as we both know thats bullshit, we have to respect that. 

Watson: You know how hard emotions are for him, I dont want to force him into anything, alright?

Sherlock: I know, im not going to force anything, i just want to help,

Sherlock: I know mori fucked him up pretty badly, but i dont think mori is the homophobic type, i dont understand why dazai is so repressed?

Watson: Did he tellyou about it?

Sherlock: No, but ive pieced it together from little things hes said and what i know about mori personally. 

Watson: Makes sense

Watson: Im not sure, it's possible he is just ignoring all emotions and so he just says he’s straight to avoid anything else

Sherlock: and we’re sure he isnt just aro/ace?

Watson: I doubt it, aro/ace people jut naturally dont feel attraction and stuff, I think Dazai was just brainwashed out of it..

Sherlock: I feel kinda bad talking about this behind his back :/

Watson: I do too,

Watson: We’re just trying to help him

Sherlock: I gtg- have to go boo Poe at his reading ;P

Watson: Have fun bullying your boyfriend, himbo

Sherlock: T.T

---

Chuuya waved his goodbyes to Oda and Ango before grabbing his stuff and heading to his car. He quickly opened his phone, scrolled through his contacts and clicked the group chat. 

gAnGsTa’Z | 5:49 PM

smitten: im off work and MMMMMM FUCK

smitten: I think Dazais friend gave me his number????

prick: h???i??s??

smitten: Yeah, I have NO idea if its Dazai’s number or his pal’s but im kinda jut sitting in my car staring into the abyss

smitten: what? do i even do?

prick: NOT WHAT I MEANT 

prick: This dudes friend is also a dude, righth?

smitten: yeah?

prick: and it doesnt bother you that a guy gave you a number?

smitten: no?? why would i care if a hot guy gave me his number?

prick: youre hot too dude, no homo, but like??

smitten: BAHAHAHHAHSHAHAH WHAT?!?

ACAB: HOLY FUCKIGNNSBA

ACAB: YOU FUCKING TROGLODYTE

smitten: IM DYING IM DEAD HILY SHIT

prick: what

March 22, 2013: Chuuya isn't jealous, hes gay

ACAB: SO FUCKING GAY

smitten: IVE HAD MORE DICK THAN A FUCKING FLESHLIGHT

prick: WHAT?? 

chernobyl blossom: Too much information, Chuuya,

no scurvy in this house: how did you not know that, tachihara? he is NOT secretive about it at all

smitten: you've been in our house theres a fucking PRIDE FLAG on the living room window?

prick: I thought you just liked rainbows…

ACAB: Your stupidity never ceases to amaze me

prick: whATEVER

smitten: I was gonna ask, @ACAB @March 22, 2013 do you need a ride home?

March 22, 2013: I just left Atsushi’s dorm so, yes. 

smitten: alright, Gin?

ACAB: I have a lecture, I can walk home later

smitten: Okay, Ryu I’ll come grab you

---

Chuuya drove up to the male dormitories and saw Ryunosuke standing with his hands in his pockets. As he saw Chuuya's car parking he swung open a door and settled into the seat. 

“So you got his number?” Ryunosuke inquired, trying to suppress a smirk. “Have you texted yet?”

The ginger rolled his eyes. “He’s straight , I've learned my lesson about falling for straight guys,”

Ryunosuke gave a confused look. “Why would his friend give you his number if he knew that he was straight?”

“Don't ask me!” Chuuya snorted. 

“Try texting him,” Ryunosuke said finally. 

“What? Why?” The older man shot back. 

“Call it a hunch, just try,”

“Okay,” Chuuya grumbled, pulling out his phone. “But don't expect me to go anywhere with it!”

New Contact

First Name

Last Name

Home Number +

Work Number +

Address +

-

New Contact

Osamu

Dazai

xxx-xxx-xxxx

Message | Call | Share My Location

---

Osamu Dazai | Chuuya Nakahara

Chuuya Nakahara: Hey?

Osamu Dazai: Uh, who is this? I dont think I have your number in my phone..

---

Chuuya sputtered and dropped his phone in his lap. “Why did he respond so fucking quickly? What do I say?”

Ryunosuke shrugged and Chuuya let out a loud groan, slamming his head into his hands

“Just tell him the truth, you didn't know for sure who’s number it was,” He reasoned. 

---

Osamu Dazai | Chuuya Nakahara

Chuuya Nakahara: This is Chuuya Nakahara, the waiter from Lupin? Is this Dazai?

Osamu Dazai: Yes

Osamu Dazai: Ranpo or Atsushi?

Chuuya Nakahara: What?

Osamu Dazai: Which one gave you my number? The guy with the hat or Akutagawa’s boyfriend?

Chuuya Nakahara: They arent dating, they're just friends with benefits

Chuuya Nakahara: It was the hat guy

Chuuya Nakahara: How did you know it would be him?

Osamu Dazai: It was easy, little chibi

Osamu Dazai: They are the only two people who would have done anything, Ranpo just because we wants as much drama as possible, and Atsushi would do it to try and help out

Chuuya Nakahara: Dont call me fucking chibi

Chuuya Nakahara: I guess that makes sense though

Osamu Dazai: I knowwww ;))

Chuuya Nakahara: I dont know why the fuck he gave me your number, youre straight and I have standards

Osamu Dazai: :000

Osamu Dazai: is the slug saying I'm not good enough!?!?

Chuuya Nakahara: Why does it fucking matter?! And no you are very much not good enough

Osamu Dazai: Chibi is so meann ToT

Chuuya Nakahara: Shut your fucking mouth, shitty mackerel

Chuuya Nakahara: For a straight guy you sure flirt a fuckton -_-

---

Dazai recoiled slightly. ‘Flirting? I'm not flirting! I'm just teasing him, theres nothing romantic about it!’

Mori’s words rang out in his head. “I’d prefer you have a boyfriend than a girlfriend, men are much more tasteful, not that what I say matters in the end, it's just my own preference!”

He had a look of discomfort plastered on his face. He wasn’t gay. He had no problems with it, he just wasn't. It was what his so-called ‘father’ wanted, not what he wanted. some Men were attractive, yeah, but he wasnt gay. He wouldn't ever want to date a guy.

Dazai threw his head back onto his bed. He picked up his phone with a shaking hand and tapped Ranpo's contact. 

---

Osamu Dazai | Ranpo Edogawa

dumb but smart: Ranpooooooooo

smart but dumb: dazaiiiiiiiiiiiiii

dumb but smart: do you wanna come over and watch a movieeee

smart but dumb: sure! ill be over in a few

dumb but smart: okay, ill rent something

---

Ranpo entered the freezing dorm holding a large grocery bag that was making lots of crinkling noises. “Alright breeder, I'm here!” He announced as he threw the bag onto the couch. 

Dazai emerged from the kitchen holding a box of alcoholic beverages. One was missing from the box, it was found in Dazai's other hand. 

Offering a drink to Ranpo, the two sat on the couch and scrolled through some movies on the T.V. Ranpo ordered Dazai to stop on one particular movie, ‘Alex Strangelove’. 

Ranpo gasped and giggled a bit. “This one is fucking hilarious it makes zero sense!”

‘We might as well give it a shot’

Chapter Text

Dazai flopped down entirely onto the couch, “Ranpo, why are they licking a frog, wouldn’t a hallucinogenic frog kill them?” he tilted his head in questioning. “Maybe I should try it out, it could prove an interesting end,”

Ranpo snickered “Whatever you say, just pay attention to the movie. You might figure something out~” he said teasingly, tossing a pillow at Dazai’s head. 

Dazai groaned as the pillow hit his head. “Careful, don't spill my drink!-” he laughed. 

Dazai picked up his phone and tilted his head toward Ranpo. “Why did you give Chuuya my number?”

Ranpo scratched the back of his neck and smiled slightly. “I thought it would be appreciated. Even if you aren't interested in him, you could still be friends?” he offered. 

Humming, Dazai nodded. He took another sip of his drink, feeling the pleasant burn of the alcohol going down his throat. 

Ranpo heard a buzz from the coffee table in front of him. He picked up Dazai’s phone and read the notification. A message from ‘Chuuya Nakahara’. 

“Speak of the devil and he shall appear,” Chuckled Ranpo, throwing the phone toward his friend. Dazai looked confused before reading the notification and opening his phone. 

---

Osamu Dazai | Chuuya Nakahara 

Chuuya Nakahara: Did I break you or some shit??

Chuuya Nakahara: Don't leave me on read, shitty Dazai

Chuuya Nakahara: I’ll kick your ass, mackerel!!

Osamu Dazai: im finereee!! I habr a life outsoide of you, slug T-T 

Osamu Dazai: thhere's no need or threats, chibi~

Chuuya Nakahara: Are you sure your fine? the thousand fucking typos say otherwise

Osamu Dazai: Of course, little puppy!! Im judt a littlr intoxicated, im cutrently hanging out with ranpo

Chuuya Nakahara: youre drunk texting me. 

Chuuya Nakahara: and youre with the hat bastard

Osamu Dazai: funny you comment on his hat, chuuys

Chuuya Nakahara: Oh my fucking christ, nevermind then, you're obviously hammered

Chuuya Nakahara has changed Osamu Dazai’s name to “ idiot fucking mackerel ”

idiot fucking mackrel: awee, chibi jas a nickneam for me!

idiot fucking mackrel: well id better give chuuya a nivkmane then toi!1

idiot fucking mackrel has changed Chuuya Nakahara’s name to “ salty slug ”. 

salty slug: that makes no fucking sense!! if you put salt on a slug it will DIE, jackass

idiot fucking mackrel: thats the pountttt

salty slug: i'm done talking to you, fucking hell

---

Chuuya was tempted to throw his phone across the kitchen full force, but was stopped by the sound of his front door opening. 

“Im home!” Gin’s voice shouted from the next room over. “Kouyou is here too!”

Ryunosuke stood from where he was seated in the living room and started toward the wine rack, he stood in confusion for a few seconds before Chuuya pushed him out of the way and gestured for him to grab wine glasses. Chuuya selected a bottle of Chardonnay and retrieved some tortilla chips and salsa. 

As Kouyou entered the kitchen she smirked at Ryunosuke and Chuuya standing with horrified looks on their faces, trying to clean up the garbage that lay around. 

“Don't worry about that lads, just give me the wine,” she sighed. 

Chuuya sent a questioning glance at Gin, which she met with an equally confused look. 

Handing the bottle and a glass to Kouyou, Chuuya took a glass for himself. His mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water as he observed the collected, elegant woman take the bottle, pour herself a full glass of the dry white wine and down half of it without hesitation. 

“What, and I cannot stress this enough,” Gin spoke, baffled. “The fuck?”

Kouyou sighed. “I’ve met Kyouka and I’s new roommate,” she started. 

“And?” Ryunosuke prompted curiously. Clearly there was something going on, if it caused Kouyou, the most sophisticated woman he has ever come into contact with, to show up uninvited and immediately start drinking. 

“She cannot stay with us.” Kouyou said finally. She was met with three confused stares. 

‘Well,’ Chuuya thought, ‘Might as well spring this trap,’ he raised an eyebrow and poured himself some wine. “Why is that?”

Kouyou piled salsa onto a tortilla chip and shoved the entire thing into her mouth. She really had become unhinged, but fuck if it wasn’t an enigma.

She simply said “She's too hot,” 

There was a moment of silence that was broken by Gin bursting into violent snort-laughter. Everyone else awkwardly chuckled as Kouyou sighed and massaged her temples. 

“Her name is Akiko Yosano, she's studying to be a doctor. A doctor!” She exclaimed. “Doctors aren't supposed to be hotter than the sun!”

The name rang a bell with Chuuya. “Yosano, huh? I think I met her, actually, she’s really close with that bastard Dazai,” 

Kouyou looked at Chuuya with wide eyes. “Chuuya Nakahara, you are going to help me court this woman.” she said, grabbing his hands between her own. 

“Hah? What, no-” Chuuya stuttered, “Why me? Fuck her yourself, you useless lesbian!”

Kouyou pulled Chuuya into a side hug. “You and this Dazai fellow have to help me get into bed with her,” she rested her head uncomfortably in his shoulder, “There's nothing more I want in the world, dearest Chuuya,” she whined. 

Chuuya sighed and gave into the hug, “Fine, but I’m going to hate every moment I have to spend with that bandaged bastard,” He sounded caring, but it was obvious he wasn’t impressed. 

“Absolutely whipped,” Gin chuckled. Ryunosuke swatted her over the head. “Like you haven't done the same thing to me about Higuchi. You really need to get her off of me, before I commit a crime,”

Gin swatted him back “I'm trying! She’s more oblivious than a rock,” she groaned “And don't act all big and scary, Ryu, we all know you're too scared to break the law because of your oh-so-precious-detective-in-training boyfriend!”

Ryunosuke blushed and sputtered. “We are not dating! We just hook up and hang out sometimes, nothing else!” 

Chuuya snickered “That sounds like dating to me,”

“Ugh, just shut up!” Ryunosuke snapped, crossing his arms defensively.

Gin raised a brow at her brother. “Is everything okay, Ryu? We're just playing around,” she spoke quietly. 

Ryunosuke cleared his throat and nodded. “Yeah, Im fine, just stressed from classes,” 

Chuuya sighed. “Whatever you say,” he ruffled his cousin's hair, much to his dismay. 

“I have an essay to work on, I should do that,” The black and white haired teen said, standing from the table and walking toward the staircase up to his room. 

The other three exchanged quiet words on the topic, before going back to idle chatter. 

---

salty slug | idiot fucking mackrel

salty slug: SIGH

salty slug: kill me. i cant believe i have to do this but. 

salty slug: I need your help.

idiot fucking mackrel: ehat

salty slug: I wasn't aware that I could stutter through text, bastard

salty slug: nevermind, forget it

idiot fucking mackrel: nonononobo wait hang on

idiot fucking mackrel: give me a sexond to stip laugjing

salty slug: FUCKING ASSHOLE, NEVERMIND

idiot fucking mackrel: what do you need my help for chibi?~ 0.0

salty slug: …

salty slug: You know Kyouka’s roommate Kouyou?

idiot fucking mackrel: Yeah, i think we’ve met before

salty slug: She wants me to work with you to set up her and your friend Yosano

idiot fucking mackrel: Ahhh

idiot fucking mackrel: hang on lemme check smthn

salty slug: ??? okay???

---

Dazai called out to Ranpo, who was getting another bag of chips from the kitchen. “Ranpo! Akiko, does she like tits or dick?”

“Definitely tits!” he called back “Why? Who are you setting her up with?”

“Kyouka’s roommate, Chuuya said that Kyouka's roommate Kouyou wants to get freaky with Akiko,” Dazai snickered back. 

Reentering the room, Ranpo had a devious smile on his face. “You and Mr. Fancy Hat working together to hook up your friends, huh?” 

“You both make comments about each other's hats when referring to the other, even though you both have ridiculously tacky hats,” Dazai smirked. Ranpo pouted and threw an empty wrapper at Dazai. 

---

idiot fucking mackrel | salty slug

idiot fucking mackrel: yep, i think we can make that happen ;D

salty slug: fan fucking tastic, kouyou has been gushing all evening

salty slug: shit wait, has Ryunosuke’s “friend” been acting weird? Ryu keeps getting defensive whenever we bring him up

idiot fucking mackrel: Atsushi? yeah, he's been a bit more quiet lately, you think somethings up?

salty slug: must be, i’ll try talking to ryu about it

idiot fucking mackrel: ill talk to Atsushi too, and Akiko, i guess,

salty slug: sounds like a plan

idiot fucking mackrel: We make a pretty good team after all :D

salty slug: Dont get used to it, bastard, im only doing this for my friends

idiot fucking mackrel: :((((

Chapter Text

Dazai awoke the next morning far too late. Ranpo was passed out on the floor next to him, with Dazai on the couch. Drearily, the brunette checked his phone. The clock read 8:27. 

‘... Fuck’

Dazai scrambled off the couch and over Ranpo, waking him up in the process. 

“What the hell, Dazai?” He groaned. “Let me sleep,”

Dazai hurriedly got dressed, struggling to put clothes on top of his bandages, but not having any time to take them off and redo them, he continued on. “Get up! We had an Economics class at 8,”

Ranpo burst out into laughter, “You’d better get moving then, I transferred out of that class, remember?” he snorted, settling back down onto the floor. 

Groaning, Dazai pulled his coat on and grabbed his books. “Fuck off, I have to go,”

---

As Dazai walked in, the economics professor, Francis Fitzgerald, stopped in the middle of his sentence, looked at Dazai, standing frazzled in the entrance and glared. “How lovely of you to join us, Mr. Dazai. Is there any particular reason you are here late and interrupting me? I hope you know the rules still apply to you, even though your father-” 

Dazai made direct eye contact with Fitzgerald, and his words trailed off. He was left stunned at the sadistic grin on the other's face. 

“Just take your seat,” he spat before going back to his lesson. 

Dazai took his seat next to  Atsushi, who looked like he was barely following the lesson. 

“What a prick, huh Atsushi?” Dazai joked, nudging Atsushi. 

“Ah, Yeah,” He mumbled. Atsushi tapped his pencil against his textbook idly, his head rested in his hand. 

Dazai gave a small frown and poked his friend again. “What’s up with you?”

“Nothing,” The white haired boy sighed. “Just something dumb with Akutagawa,”

Thinking back to the previous night, Dazai remembered Chuuya mentioning something was wrong in that department. “What about him? Is something up with you two?”

Atsushi bristled a bit and nodded. “He said he doesn't want to talk to me anymore, it's not a big deal, we were never official.”

“Shit, Im sorry Atsushi,” Dazai awkwardly put a hand on his shoulder. “It's not your fault,”

“Yeah, maybe not,” Atsushi sighed, rubbing at his eyes to prevent tears.

Dazai spent the rest of the class trying to cheer up his friend, cracking jokes and such, but his mood stayed the same. Atsushi still seemed down and upset about it. ‘I'm going to have a chat with the chibi later about this shit.’  

---

idiot fucking mackrel | salty slug

idiot fucking mackrel: a little furry told me something very interesting, chibi

salty slug: ?? the fuck??

idiot fucking mackrel: Apparently, Akutagawa doesnt want to talk to atsushi anymore

salty slug: what??

idiot fucking mackrel: yeah. atsushi said, and i quote “He doesn't want to talk to me anymore”

salty slug: why the fuck would he say that??

idiot fucking mackrel: Im not sure, slug, but it better be sorted out in a way that doesnt hurt Atsushi, or he wont be the only one hurting

salty slug: are yoy threatening my fucking cousin, shitheel? i will fucking curb stomp you if you so much as GLANCE at Ryunosuke the wrong way, hear me bastard?

salty slug: whateverthefuck is happening, it's not Ryu’s fault. He was really happy with Atsushi, i dont know why he would do that. 

idiot fucking mackrel: whatever you say, chuuya

idiot fucking mackrel: anyways, whats the plan for the Lesbians™

salty slug: i dont fucking know

salty slug: send them on a date or something??

idiot fucking mackrel: chuuya chuuya chuuya,

idiot fucking mackrel: we cant just send them in a blind date ALONE, Wheres the romance? the intrigue?

salty slug: thats all teen novel bullshit, in real life people usually meet at clubswhile shitfaced drunk, fuck and then go from there

idiot fucking mackrel: do you know from experience? 0-0

salty slug: shut the fuck up

salty slug: we’ll try that. bring our collective friend groups out for a night clubbing and see if they fuck

idiot fucking mackrel: huh

salty slug: what?!

idiot fucking mackrel: thats. actually not a half bad idea, chibi!

salty slug: yeah, no shit!

idiot fucking mackrel: but once again, in order for our friends to come with, we have to quash the Atsushi/Akutagawa issue

salty slug: UGH yeah, we do

---

Seeing a new notification pop up on his screen, Dazai switched to the group chat with his friends. 

---

Disasters | 10:07 AM

rawr XD: Help i cant get Dazai off his phone!!

Grey's Anatomy: Have you tried taking the phone?

rawr XD: No!! that’s rude

rawr XD: He’s texting someone, i don't wanna interrupt his conversation

Mom: If anything, you’d be saving the person he’s having the conversation with. 

safety hazard: Kunikidaaa you wound me T-T

Mom: Damn, I summoned him. 

rawr XD: who were you talking to?

safety hazard: and why should i tell you 0m0

bens dick cum patch: It was Nakahara

safety hazard: traitor 

Grey's Anatomy: pfft

rawr XD: ah..

safety hazard: shut up, we have plots

bens dick cum patch: the same one from last night?

safety hazard: among others, yes :)

Mom: Well, that's ominous. 

Grey's Anatomy: Indeed.

safety hazard: dont worry about it! It will be beneficial to everyone

Mom: For some unknown reason, I don't believe you, Dazai.

bens dick cum patch: and you probably shouldn't

rawr XD: yeah… with dazai you probably shouldn't…

safety hazard: GASP, how could you betray me atsushi! i thought we were… homies…<\3 T-T

rawr XD: unfortunately, we are

Grey's Anatomy: Damn, sushi. s a v a g e.

safety hazard: et tu, brute?

Mom: Dazai, your melodrama never ceases. 

safety hazard: thank you ^-^

Mom: That was NOT a compliment.

---

Chuuya took the dishes on the table from the previous night and moved them into the sink, dumping the leftover stale tortilla chips into the garbage. 

Gin entered the kitchen, struggling to pull a hairbrush through her long black locks. "You aren't working today?"

"No," Chuuya responded, "Oda gave me Fridays and Saturdays off. I guess he wants to avoid me coming into work hungover on a Monday," he smirked.

The teen tied her hair into a high bun, a few stray pieces falling in front of her face. "Yeah, like that'll stop you," she snorted.

the redhead's voice got lower as he spoke. "Ryu ended things with that Atsushi kid, hey? Any clue why?" 

Gin looked surprised, a slight frown tugging at her lips. "No, no idea, I thought they were doing well,"

"That's what everyone seems to be saying," Chuuya sighed, putting away two clean wine glasses. 

Gin tilted her head in confusion "Who's everyone?"

Chuuya rolled his eyes and shrugged, "I heard it from Dazai, we both said that, he heard it straight from Atsushi, that's probably why Ryunosuke got so upset when we brought it up last night,"

She nodded, not saying anything else.

---

gAnGsTa’Z | 10:18

March 22, 2013: Sos

March 22, 2013: somebody help me, i can't do social interaction

grand papa: What did you do?

March 22, 2013: for the record, i didn't do anything

March 22, 2013: Atsushi won't stop texting me

grand papa: Why is that bad? 

ACAB: they broke up

March 22, 2013: we were never even dating! god, where did you even hear that from, Gin. 

smitten: I heard it from Dazai, I'm the one who told her

March 22, 2013: fucking of course Atsushi would immediately tell that bastard. 

prick: well rip to akutagawa's happiness, back to edge town, so much for pound town

ACAB: shut the FUCK UP, Tachihara!

prick: fucking hell, im just making a joke

grand papa: That's enough, both of you.

smitten: so are you going to explain?

March 22, 2013: No. There's nothing to explain. 

chernobyl blossom: It seems like there is. 

March 22, 2013: Ugh, Kouyou is here? who the fuck else is lurking?

daddy's little monster: sup twat

chernobyl blossom: Watch your damn language, Elise.

no scurvy in this house: i am also observing

gucci gang: uh, I'm also here, Akutagawa. I can leave though if you'd rather that!

prick: where in the flying fuck did you come from?!?

ACAB: I added her a while ago, dumbfuck. You can stay, Higuchi

gucci gang: Oh, okay :]

prick: DISGUSTANG Who TF uses emojis. That bullshit should’ve died with that movie.

ACAB: SHUT THE FUCK UP, TACHIHARA.

grand papa: BOTH OF YOU, THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH. 

grand papa has muted prick and ACAB for 30 minutes.

daddy's little monster: Okay, now that they're shut up, Ryu! Tell us what happened or i will send you to the fucking sun!!

chernobyl blossom: Language, Elise. 

March 22, 2013: Fucking FINE.

March 22, 2013: Atsushi wanted to make us official, I didn’t want to, he kept asking about it so I told him not to talk to me anymore. It's not that big a deal, we weren't actually dating and now we never will be. Whatever. 

smitten: Damn.

chernobyl blossom: I'm sorry, Ryunosuke.

March 22, 2013: Stop fucking apologising! there's nothing to even apologise for! it's not a big deal!

daddy’s little monster: you dense moron, quit eating your own foot. You care more than you’re letting on.

smitten: She's right.. it's obviously a big deal if you're getting this upset over it. 

smitten: Ryu, you should talk to Atsushi about this

March 22, 2013: Fine. I'll try.

---

Chapter Text

Dazai tapped a pen on his desk. Leaning back in the chair and groaned. That bastard Fitzgerald gave him extra homework. The screen on his phone lit up with all sorts of notifications. Many were from Atsushi and some from the slug. He assumed none of which were pleasant.

“This is what happens when an emotionally dense slug attempts to counsel an equally dense bastard.” Dazai snorted to the empty room. His eyes scanned over the barren half of the dorm. 'I wonder if Mori arranged me being alone or if everyone specifically avoids me because of him.' He pondered.

Coming to the conclusion he wasn’t going to finish his homework, he opened his phone.

---

Disasters | 11:07 AM

Safety Hazard: uggggghhhhh someone help me die faster, this is agonizingggg

murder hobo: What are you doing?

Safety Hazard: Well technically, nothing. Im SUPPOSED to be doing my economics homework

murder hobo: Oh. Professor Fitzgerald really hates you, doesn't he?

Safety Hazard: Yeah, he thinks i get off easy because im mori's son

bens dick cum patch: that's using the term loosely

Grey’s Anatomy: Which term? The “I get off easy” one?

Safety Hazard: …

Safety Hazard: You know that’s not what I mean. Anyways, Fitzgerald, much like Mori, is a corrupt bastard and needs to be s t o p p e d.

Mom: Maybe try completing your assignments and that’ll change.

Safety Hazard: Naaaah, Fitzgerald just hates my guts no matter what.

murder hobo: Dazai, how did you even get accepted into this school? You never do any work.

Safety Hazard: so blunt... you wound me kyouka T.T

Mom: His father probably got him in easy.

Safety Hazard: Nope! I just did good on the entrance exams

Mom: There's no way you could score well enough to just let you in without good grades.

rawr XD: and his criminal record…

Safety Hazard: You have so little faith in me smh… i really just did well on the test!

murder hobo: Press 'X' to Doubt

Grey's Anatomy: He's not lying 

Mom: WHAT?!?!?

rawr XD: omg…

Safety Hazard: I told you! I scored the highest out of everyone who took it

bens dick cum patch: It was two points dazai!! i should have beaten you >:(

Safety Hazard: hehehehehehhe… if it weren't for your spelling error on the esay portion he would have bested me but alas! i am on top, as always!

Mom: Said the pot to the kettle.

Grey's Anatomy: lmaooo

Safety Hazard: ToT

rawr XD : Dazai… If you're so smart

rawr XD : why dont you just do the work?

Safety Hazard: mmmmmmmmmmmm spite!

Mom: Spite?

Safety Hazard: Yep! just to spite Mori

murder hobo: Why would you do something like that to spite your own dad?

Safety Hazard: He is not my dad.

Mom: Legally he is though, isn't he?

Safety Hazard: He is my legal guardian, but that man is not my family.

Grey's Anatomy: Dazai…

Safety Hazard: It puts him in the hot seat with his colleagues too! his prodigal son being the biggest troublemaker on campus? it makes thing difficult for him 

Mom: But why are you so set on messing things up for him? That could seriously damage his career, Dazai! Why do you hate him so much?

Safety Hazard: That's gonna take 4-5 business days to ship

Grey's Anatomy: Dazai. Do I need to come whoop your ass

Safety Hazard: nO IM FINE I PROMISE

murder hobo: I feel like we're missing something here.

rawr XD: yeah, probably…

rawr XD: fuck. i gtg, bye.

Grey's Anatomy: im- what?????

bens dick cum patch: sushi said the fuck word???

Safety Hazard: 0д0

---

catboy | Akutagawa <3

Akutagawa <3: Can we talk?

catboy: Why are you messaging me? I thought you made it plenty clear you wanted nothing to do with me

Akutagawa <3: I know, I was being brazen and inconsiderate. I should have explained myself better.

catboy: It's fine, I understand. You dont have to explain any more, I get the picture! You dont want to be around me anymore and I dont blame you

Akutagawa <3: No, that's not it, Jinko. I was having a hard time doing… emotions, but I've figured out what I need to say. You messaging me repeatedly about our relationship was overwhelming and I panicked and told you not to contact me again without thinking it through.

catboy: Okay… So you want to talk still..? My opinion hasn't changed, I still want an official relationship…

Akutagawa <3: I've had some time to sort through my thoughts and emotions, and I feel the same.

catboy: oh

Akutagawa: Did I say something wrong..? 

catboy: nonono im just.. really glad

Akutagawa <3: Well now that that's settled… My place?

catboy: i'll be there in 10

---

Chuuya stood leaning on the frame on the front door, an unlit cigarette loosely hung in his teeth. As much as he loved Ryunosuke, he couldn’t handle his unrelenting somewhat repressed homosexuality at times. Kinda hypocritical, Chuuya internally admitted. To be fair, he hadn’t heard much about the situation since his cousin asked for guidance. He’d also heard nothing from that mackerel bastard, so he assumed the ball was rolling, and nothing had grievously gone to shit. 

That’s when his phone started to blow up with messages from the aforementioned mackerel bastard.

salty slug | idiot fucking mackerel

idiot fucking mackerel: Atsushi just said “fuck”, what did Akutagawa do?

salty slug: Isn’t he like 20????

idiot fucking mackerel: MY POINT STILL STANDS. Listen, he doesn’t say that stuff. He’s a good little Christian boy.

salty slug: he can't be that good if he's hanging around you, fucker

idiot fucking mackerel: oh come on~ im not that baaad. Besides, im the one who helped him financially to get mori off his ass...

salty slug: WHATEVER. I don't know whats going on, we just tried to get our edgelord to admit his feelings. Maybe it actually worked, because I am better at everything, and im the one who has to take all the initiative. 

idiot fucking mackerel: ( ´Д`) what ever do you mean? come on slug, give the rest of us some credit

salty slug: What have YOU done to forward our plan? Jack shit? sounds about right

idiot fucking mackerel: oh rightttt I forgot about that!

salty slug: WHAT? THATS THE ONLY REASON I HAVEN'T BLOCKED YOUR FUCKING NUMBER AND YOU FORGOT?

idiot fucking mackerel: Nope! i remembered! I just wanted to see Chuuya all riled up :D

idiot fucking mackerel: (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

idiot fucking mackerel: thats u

salty slug:  un. fucking. believable. 

idiot fucking mackerel: of course im unbelievable- im just so charming and good looking after all~~ 

salty slug: your fucking hopeless. How in the hell did you get into this fucking school?!

idiot fucking mackerel: *You’re, also im smarter than i look, chibi~ its not like mori handed everything to me on a silver platter after all

idiot fucking mackerel: I wonder why everyones been badgering me about this allll day! So insaciable, is it really that surprising? your doubt is bringing me down ;-;

salty slug: oh for fucks sake. unless you have something important to tell me, im gone.

---

Clicking off his phone in frustration, Chuuya lit his cigarette. He inhaled deeply and sighed a smokey breath. “Bastard...” He growled to himself. 

He looked out onto the street, seeing a few cars speeding by. Watching idly, he took in the city scene. Chuuya wished he could just sit back, crack open a nice bottle of wine, and enjoy the sounds of drunk guys punching each other.

Unfortunately, that wouldn't be possible, or at least not as long as his goddamn phone kept buzzing at him.

---

gAnGsTa'Z | 12:07 PM

ACAB: ryu

ACAB: ryu

ACAB: ryu

ACAB: RYUUU

March 22, 2013: what do you w a n t? i'm literally 5 metres away from you

ACAB: did you talk to atsushi?

March 22, 2013: Yes.

ACAB: ...and?

March 22, 2013: and what? we talked

smitten: she's asking if you're back together, dumbass

March 22, 2013: I don't see how that's relevant.

March 22, 201e: but yes, we are

chernobyl blossom: Oh shit? Tea?

ACAB: KOYOUSBIAWL

March 22, 2013: *sigh* this is why I don't tell you all anything

prick: did you just type out a sigh?

March 22, 2013: Yes, and what of it?

daddy's little monster: he got his man back and now he's an edgy little shit again smh

smitten: watch your fucking language

chernobyl blossom: I see you, Mr. Nakahara

smitten: *chuckles* i'm in danger

chernobyl blossom: Anyways, congratulations to you, Ryunosuke.

March 22, 2013: Thank you, Kouyou

ACAB: Yeah, congrats, jackass

smitten: we're proud of you for finally not being a dunderfuck

grand papa: welcome to the 'positive emotions' club, kiddo

March 22, 2013: I hate this family.

smitten: So, speaking of family…

grand papa: smooth transition

smitten: thank you. anyways. would yall be up to go out for a celebratory dinner for Ryu, on the house at the Lupin and then hit some clubs?

daddys little monster: fuck yeah!

chernobyl blossom: Elise. You are only 17.

daddys little monster: fuck the legal drinking age, ive got fake ids

ACAB: damn straight

gucci gang: I'll come, as long as Akutagawa is going and hes alright with me tagging along!

ACAB: you can come higuchi!!!

gucci gang: :D

smitten: fuck, thats wholesome

ACAB: i'm definitely in, and so is ryu

March 22, 2013: I didn't agree to this-

ACAB: shut up

prick: im down 

chernobyl blossom: I shall attend as well, if only to keep you all under control.

smitten: cool, ryu you should invite Atsushi and his friends too

chernobyl blossom: !!! Yes, that would be lovely

daddys little monster: haha lebs. lebsin. lesbaim.

chernobyl blossom: Take your time.

ACAB: god. lesbians. you love to see it.

gucci gang: i know!

ACAB: DBDUHnaiJaw(#(ISBWOAZMQQNIW91×*¥×0

March 22, 2013: You broke her.

smitten: ALRIGHT. disband, morons.

---

Disasters | 12:55

rawr XD: hey so uhhhh

rawr XD: Akutagawa and his friends are going out for dinner and clubbing tonight and we're invited?

Safety Hazard: Ooooo! 

bens dick cum patch: Is that a rhetorical question I see, Atsushi?

rawr XD: Kind of. I won't force you to come but like… Im kinda forcing you to come

Safety Hazard: thats what she said (lenny face)

rawr XD: Im gay, dazai

bens dick cum patch: DeADASS HAHAHA

Mom: *Sigh* I will go to monitor you imbeciles.

Grey’s Anatomy: I might not be able to go, my housing is still causing me issues. As well as my school work is piling up…

Safety Hazard: Yosanooooo ToT please yosano, dont leave us with Kunikida

Mom: If anything, I should be worried about being stuck with you drunkards all night. Dazai, I get headaches whenever you’re near me.

Safety Hazard: You should get some advil, then! O.O

bens dick cum patch: Come on Yosano, there oughta be some girls or something fun to do.

Safety Hazard: Yeah!! Come one Yosanooooo!!

Grey’s Anatomy: Fine, You aren't going to quit bugging me about it anyways. 

Safety Hazard: Yay!!!

rawr XD: Alright then! Let me get the time from ryu!