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Chapter Text

The day had been long, the mission had been to say the least, odd and Ro Laren was bone tired. ‘a long bath and a drink’, she promised herself as she crossed the bridge to the turbo-lift.
“Hold the doors,” Riker called as he emerged from Picard’s ready room and jogged up the ramp. Laren tried really hard not to let her dismay show on her face, she also firmly pushed away the little tremor of anticipation that raised goosebumps on her neck. Riker gave her a tight little smile and stood as far away from her as the lifts small space would allow.
“Deck eight” she told the computer, “Commander?”
“Same, I need to get some shut eye.” he leaned against the ‘lift wall, shoulders sagging and stifling a yawn.
“How’s your arm?”
“it’s a little stiff still.” he flexed his forearm, wincing a little as he straightened it. “Weird day.” Ro was impressed, it was the longest non work related sentence Riker had uttered in her presence for days.
“Yeah, it’s not everyday disembodied criminals possess senior crew members.” Laren rubbed aching neck muscles and groaned. “That was not a sentence I thought I would ever say.”
“Never a dull moment on this ship.” Will chuckled, he still wasn’t looking at her. He seemed to be entirely fascinated by the turbo-lifts carpet, scuffing the tip of his boot backwards and forwards. Laren wasn’t sure how to respond and the attempt at small talk died as the seconds ticked by slowly, the silence was smothering. She closed her eyes for a moment stealing herself, they couldn’t go on like this. The whole thing was getting ridiculous.
“Are we ever going to talk about what happened?”
“I didn’t think you wanted to talk about it.” he countered softly, still steadfastly refusing to meet her gaze. “you made it pretty clear how you feel.” he shrugged and folded his arms tightly.
“Did I bruise your ego”
“I’ll admit I am a little hurt.”
“Why?”Laren couldn’t help the incredulity in her tone, Riker actually seemed genuinely upset.
“Because-you know” he spread his hands wide, Ro tried really hard not to notice the way his cheeks and the tops of his ears suddenly flushed bright red.
“No Commander, I don’t know. Care to explain?” he shot her a wretched look and shook his head.
“Forget it” the lift doors opened and he stepped through. Ro followed him, their quarters were in the same section after all, it wasn’t like she was deliberately following him. She studied his back as he retreated down the corridor. Riker seemed determined to get as far away from her as he could. He quickened his stride, shoulders hunched eyes resolutely fixed on the deck. He looked, for want of a better word, miserable. Ro sighed, they really couldn’t go on like this. It had been almost easier when they hated each other.
“Will, wait” She had to jog to catch up. He halted and waited for her. “you are right, we should talk about this.” she folded her arms over her chest, trying to hide her awkwardness. “But not in the corridor, I don’t need to hear any more gossip about me,” she saw understanding in his eyes and found herself holding his gaze for longer than was strictly necessary; she had always liked Riker’s eyes, they were so very blue.
“Okay, my place is closer,” Ro saw his Adam’s apple bob up and down frantically and tore her eyes away. They walked the last few steps to Will’s quarters in a brittle uneasy silence.

“What happened, that wasn’t me. I don’t do that.” the words tumbled out of her mouth as soon as the doors shut on them.
“It wasn’t me either,”
“You went after the counsellor as well” Laren pointed out.
“I’m not like that, not any more.”
“Could have fooled me.” the words slipped out before she could stop them. Will went very quiet he shook his head laughing to himself.
“Everybody thinks I’m some kind of play boy.”
“You do kind of give off that impression.”
“So I enjoy sex, is that wrong?”he shrugged violently and turned away to stare morosely out of the window.
“What is the problem here?”
“Do you regret it? Being with me.” he demanded. Laren drew back a pace, her cheeks were growing hot.
“come on, Will we had amnesia” she stuttered. But, she had wanted him that much was true. She hadn’t worried who he was or who she was. Cheeks burning with mortification, she paced round Will’s quarters pretending to examine the contents of his shelves.
“So you do regret it.” he poured himself a drink. “Thanks, I don’t.” he muttered when she didn’t answer. He tossed the whisky down his throat and poured himself another one.
“I really didn’t think you were this fragile.”
“Well you don’t know me do you, not really.” Will threw himself down on the couch and pinched his nose.
“Maybe I don’t want to.” she pulled a book from the shelf and flicked through it’s pages. She read a few lines then snapped it shut, “Earnest Hemingway, really?”
“So I like classic writers, I like jazz too. Why don’t you want to know me?”
“all you ever do is reprimand me, nothing I do makes any difference because you have already made up your mind about me.” she slotted the book back into it’s place, “You didn’t even give me a chance.”
“I’m sorry.”he muttered, taking her by surprise. “I should have made more of an effort.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m trying to remind myself why I hate you.” she walked across the room and stood over him. Will peered up at her, frowning.
“Why do you want to hate me?” it was, Laren had to admit, a valid question.
“Can I sit?” she pointed to the couch. Silently Will shifted over. Laren sat down, clasped her hands in her lap and let out a deep breath.“maybe I just don’t like the way you see me.”
“That makes two of us,” Will stared into his glass and took a slow sip. Ro wondered what he was thinking. “I guess it’s because-” he paused biting his lip, “I’ve done things. What happened to you could have happened to me. I guess I don’t like being reminded.”
“What did you do?”
“Nothing I’m allowed to talk about.” Bitterness roughened his voice, Laren sensed a deep wound there. She recognised that kind of pain, that kind of guilt; it was an old friend.
“how bad was it?”
“People died, friends of mine.” he shifted, hunched in on himself.
“How many?”She reached out, gently pulled the glass from his fingers and placed it carefully on the coffee table.
“A lot”
“Could you have stopped it? Saved them?”
“I don’t know.”
“That is the kicker isn’t it when you don’t know.”
“Yeah it stinks. I’m sorry about what happened to you, it wasn’t fair.”
“That’s the thing Will, I don’t know if it was fair or not. I don’t know what I could have done differently.”
“Laren, Why are you telling me this?”
“So you know it’s not just you. Recently, I’ve learned it’s not good to try and carry everything yourself,” she shrugged.“And by the way, I don’t regret it.” she reached out and squeezed his hand, “I want to and I probably should, but I don’t.”
“Do you mean that? Or are you just trying to make me feel better?”
“Do you feel better?”
“A bit” Will admitted shyly, he half smiled at her and there it was again. Like a little jolt of plasma racing up her spinal cord dragging blood and heat in it’s wake. Her own heartbeat was suddenly very loud.
“It was almost nice not remembering anything,” a dark chuckle escaped her, “to not worry about anything for once. No baggage, no worrying about what people think.” Ro realised she was chewing her thumb nail like a child and whipped it out of her mouth. She glanced up at Will wandering if he had noticed, he was grinning at her.
“wow, that was cute”
“I am not cute. I’m gonna go.”Abruptly, She stood up.
“You don’t have to,” Naked invitation in his eyes. Laren hesitated, she had let herself be free with him, he had seen her completely undone. No one had ever seen her like that, she hadn’t ever let herself be that vulnerable. Slowly, Will got to his feet. “I mean-stay if you want.”
Taking an experimental step closer she looked up into those ridiculously blue eyes, who else knew her like that? She wanted to feel it again, that total release. The irony that it was Will Riker of all people, did not escape her.
“Do you want me to stay?” Teasingly, she took his hands guiding them to her hips.
“Very much,”
“You are not to tell anyone about this.” she thumbed his bottom lip.
“my lips are sealed.” Drawing his face down she kissed the grin he gave her. His lips tasted of the whisky he had drunk, smokey and dark. Fingers curling into his hair, she pulled him closer, kissed him harder. They pulled at each others clothes, seeking a more intimate touch. “slow down,” he muttered, his breath tickled her ear. “Are you sure?”
“As long as you don’t call me cute again” They were skin to skin now, Laren ran her fingers up his spine, delighting in the way he moaned and shivered at her touch.
“How about beautiful? Can I call you that?” His tongue grazed her neck, raising goosebumps and sparking sharp hot flares of need in her brain.
“Acceptable,” Laren groaned as he explored her body with lips and finger tips. She was already wet from anticipation when those long fingers slipped between her legs. His fingers fucked her, sliding in and out, while his hard cock pressed against her belly. She nuzzled his collar bone, he tasted of salt and smelt of the iron in his human blood. She pulled away a little so she could look into his eyes.
“You know for a human, you are quite pretty.” Her hands skimmed down his ribcage and across the taunt muscles of his belly.
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“It is.” Laren pushed Will down onto the couch, he sprawled there looking up at her, one hand lightly stroking his erection. Slowly, without breaking eye contact, she straddled him. She wasn’t ready to let him in just yet, remembering he liked to be baited and teased, anything to make the moment last longer and she liked that. Liked the fact he would let her do what she wanted. Instead, she let his cock rest against her clit and just let him feel her wetness.
“I missed this” Will groaned. Laren mashed her mouth against his, their teeth clicked together with the force of the kiss. He kissed her back, biting down gently on her bottom lip before transferring his attention to the nibbling the sensitive skin of her neck. Laren wrapped her arms around the familiar broad shoulders, glorying in the way his back muscles flexed and strained under her touch. He pushed her away a little and gazed up at her with a suggestive glint in his eyes.
“Beautiful, shall we go to the bedroom?”
“Why?”
“I want to make you come, please” he he lifted her chin and ran a gentle fingertip along her kissed bruised lips.
“How?”
“I think you know” he ran his tongue along his teeth and grinned dirtily. Ro bit her lip, she knew what he was suggesting. Her body was already responding, she felt suddenly hot and her breath caught in her chest. “So? Is that a yes?” Will raised his eyebrows at her. She nodded not trusting herself to form a coherent sentence. His hands hooked under her thighs and he stood up, lifting her effortlessly. Ro clung to him for the few steps it took to get to the bed, where he dropped her on her back and then lay down next to her.
Will’s lips touched her shoulder,“you ready?” She mustered another nod, the kisses continued across her collar bone. Little explosions against her naked skin. Two supernovas flared in quick succession as he paused to suckle her nipples, before working down between her breasts. Laren tangled her fingers in his hair, her belly trembled as he drew wet spirals ever downwards. He stopped and she groaned in disappointment. She opened her eyes and found him staring up at her, smiling slightly, like he was waiting for her too look. He held her gaze and agonisingly slowly dipped his head lower. His tongue touched her licked her, then pushed inside.
“Will, that’s it. Does it taste good” his tongue was
“you always taste sweet.”he lapped at her clit, then sucked hard. Ro jerked her legs spread wide, she was soaking wet, drowning in pleasure. Her back arched she grabbed Wills hands pulling him into a tight embrace and hanging on as the shudders died away. “I’ve got you,” he hummed in her ear, rubbing her back, while her breath huffed out in half gasped nonsense on his shoulder. He stroked her face, “have you had enough?”
“Don’t ask stupid questions.” Ro wrapped her legs around his hips, greedily she pulled him inside. All thought faded away, there was just the juddering driving visceral needs of their bodies. She wanted more and dug her nails into the bucking muscles of his ass, matching him thrust for thrust.
“Laren” his voice was a strangled groan of pleasure, some where on the edge of her hearing. Her hands pulled him closer as they rocked together perfectly in sync and then she melted, her mind going white as the tension building in her belly disappeared taking the top of her head with it. Will collapsed on her, breathing hard.
“Will, you are getting heavy”
“Sorry about that” he grinned and rolled off, throwing his hands behind his head, she listened to him try and master his breathing. “you are amazing Ro Laren.”
“Save the flattery,” She kissed him lightly and played with his chest hair for a moment. Reality was already bursting into their little bubble. “You know we can’t do this again” Ro said softly, Will sighed.
“I guessed as much.” his arm snaked round her waist, there was a resigned look in his eyes. “it’s not really appropriate is it.”
“Will, you are my CO. Things could get complicated.” she brushed his now unruly fringe out of his eyes, deciding that he looked best like this; messy hair, eyes bright and for once, totally relaxed.
“Things are already complicated.”
“I should go.” Unsuccessfully she tried to banish the reluctance from her voice. Laren had no real desire to go back to her own quarters and a cold lonely bed.
“Stay until morning? I’ll make you breakfast.” he suggested softly.
“Will-”
“Laren, it’s been a really stressful few weeks, and-” his voice stuttered into silence, he let go of her waist and turned over, scrunching the pillow under his cheek. “Forget it.”
“What are you trying to say Will?” Her fingers traced the curve of his shoulder.
“Why be alone if we don’t have to?”
“I guess our lives can stand a little more complication.”
“Thank you” Will muttered from the depths of the pillow. Laren lay back down and curled her self against the reassuringly solid warmth of his back. His hand sought out hers.
“Just for tonight.”

Chapter Text

Will tried to lose himself in the warp distorted stars as they streaked past the windows of ten forward. He had come to the Enterprise’s bar in the vague hope that being around other people would ease the load off his heart; it wasn’t working. The happy buzz of conversation grated on his ears, exasperating his loneliness dragging him further into self recrimination. He sensed her sit down opposite him, he heard a soft sigh.
“I’m fine” he growled.
“I know you are not.” Deanna countered softly. Will couldn’t look at her, couldn’t bear to see the sympathy he knew would be shining in her eyes. He didn’t want sympathy, he didn’t want to feel anything. ‘oh god just let me be numb’ he screamed in his mind, Deanna flinched picking up on his distress.
“Sorry” he muttered, the last thing he needed was more guilt. Her fingers closed over his clenched hands.
“Will, it wasn’t your fault”
“We both know that’s not true. Soren-” just saying her name made his breath snag painfully in his chest, for a moment he couldn’t speak. “She trusted me and I let her down.”
“You did your best”
“Did I? Because it doesn’t feel like it. What they did to her.” his voice broke and he snapped his mouth shut.
“you didn’t know this would happen.”
“I did, she told me how dangerous it was, I should have backed off.”
“Love isn’t always rational.”
“yeah well” he shrugged and pulled his hands away, “doesn’t matter now.”
“Will-”
“Deanna, I really don’t want to talk about this, at least not yet. Please I need some time to think.” he finally let himself meet her eyes. “I just need time” he tried to project reassurance, Deanna seemed unconvinced. She pursed her lips and let out another sigh.
“alright Will, but we need to talk about this.” She stood up, pausing to squeeze his shoulder as she passed. “Get some sleep, you look terrible.” Then she was gone, leaving him alone with the stars again.
He had managed to lose himself in a revelry of what ifs and maybes, his mind entirely focused inwards trying to push down the recriminations and regret; when he sensed someone else staring at him. “Uh Commander?”
“What do you want Lieutenant Barclay?” Will tried to keep the anger from his voice, even so Reg took a step back, almost cowering.
“I’m um sorry sir, only Doctor Crusher wanted to know if you are coming to the rehearsal tonight.”
“Rehearsal? What are you talking about?”
“For ‘The crucible’” Reg’s hands fluttered nervously, “1900hours sharp!” he added jauntily.
“No, I will not be attending” Will turned his attention back to the stars, he could still sense Barclay hovering behind his shoulder. He had forgotten about Beverley’s play.
“Sir, I know it is none of my business-”
“you’re right it isn’t”
“I’m sorry for what happened-”
“I’d stop now Reg” Will growled, clenching his fist. He gritted his teeth reminding himself that however good it would feel to scream in Reg’s face, the lieutenant was only trying to help.
“And if you would like to talk, I’m uh here for you sir” Reg ploughed on doggedly.
“Thank-you” Will managed thinking Reg would leave then, instead he felt two awkward pats on his shoulder.
“We have all been unlucky in love sir.”
“I beg your fucking pardon!” the last tattered thread of Will’s usually iron clad self control frayed away and he surged to his feet. He aimed a vicious kick at his chair, sending it flying backwards into the next table. The couple dining there jumped up as their drinks cascaded onto the floor. Will took an angry step towards Barclay, who backed away, his eyes round with shock. “You think that’s all it was? bad luck!”
A scandalous silence had fallen over Ten forward, every eye was on him. Guinen emerged from behind the bar, her face creased into a concerned frown. “They took her from me, do you understand Lieutenant?” Will lurched forward and poked Reg in the chest, hard. The lieutenant stumbled backwards, tripping over his own feet and landing on the deck with an undignified thump. “and there was nothing I could do about it.”
“Will, this isn’t the place” Guinen’s low voice rang out softly, he stared at her, than at the mess he had made. He looked down at Reg, who was trying to gather himself back together. Will pulled the discombobulated engineer to his feet. “Sorry Reg, I know you are just trying to help.” Helplessly, he looked around the shocked onlookers, trying to think of something to say. The words wouldn’t come, he was lucky nobody had called security. He fastened his eyes to the deck to avoid the sympathy laden gazes and blundered from the room.

Cheerfully door chime rang out again, Will raised his head from his couch and stared at it belligerently, who ever was out there was not giving in. The sound rang out over and over, irritating the headache starting to nag at his temple. He managed to stand the determined chirp for another thirty seconds, before he snapped. “Come in!” Ro Laren strode through the doors, she stopped abruptly, shocked probably, to find him sprawling on his couch like an undisciplined first year cadet. Will felt chagrined enough to sit up.
“What do you want Laren?”
“I came to see how you are doing”
“So you heard about what happened in Ten forward.”
“From three different people.” Laren folded her arms. “Three different versions too.”
“Shit” Will groaned, he rubbed his face and reached out for a bottle that was sitting on the coffee table. The whisky sloshed as he poured himself a more than generous measure, “here’s to the prime directive, Cheers” he held up the glass, in mock salute and then swallowed the whisky in one gulp. Laren raised an eyebrow at him.
“that’s not synthehol is it?”
“Nope not this time, 30 year old scotch, won it in a card game on DS4.” he grinned at her tossing the bottle from had to hand.
“And you think drowning your sorrows will help how?”
“Sarcasm? Thanks”
“Come on Will, this isn’t you.”
“you are wrong, this is me when I don’t know what the hell else to do,” bitterness poisoned his words, “There is nothing I can do, I let them take her away.” He stared at the glass in his hand, his mind flashing back to the moment the j’naii guards had dragged Soren away from him, the fear on her face had terrified him. He threw it over his shoulder angrily and took a swig from the bottle instead.
Unsatisfyingly, the glass failed to smash against the wall. It bounced off and hit the deck instead with a disappointing thump. Laren just stared at him. Will heard her resigned sigh, she crossed the floor in two quick strides and sat on the edge of the coffee table, hunkering down so she could look him in the eye. “I know it hurts,” Laren reached out and took the bottle from him, prying his fingers loose. She held it up for a second, took a swig and pulled a disgusted face. She glared at Will “that’s foul, there are better tasting ways to get blind drunk.” Laren sniffed the top of the bottle and gagged. “Why do humans drink this stuff, it’s like you want to get out of it, but you want to punish yourself as well?”
“Maybe that’s it” Will tried to grab the bottle from her hand, it was a half hearted swipe. Laren shook her head and glared at him again. “You are not drinking any more of this, find a better coping mechanism” She moved the bottle out of his reach placing it ceremonially behind her. Will made himself meet her gaze, the concern he saw in her eyes hurt. It made his own eyes prickle, he tried to dash the repressed tears away, but more replaced them. He pressed his palms against his eyes, the tears squeezed between his fingers.
“Oh Will” he felt her fingers brush his neck, before settling on his shoulder. Her touch broke him, he had been holding him self away from everyone. His chest ached from pushing down the hurt, now it slithered out of his throat; a long low moan followed by an unstoppable sob.
“I don’t know what to do”
“It’s okay, right now you don’t have to do anything.” she tugged at his hands, “look at me Will, please.” Will let his hands drop into his lap and peered up at her. Instant shame engulfed him, the blood rushed to his cheeks.
“I’m sorry, fuck, I’m so sorry.” he mumbled, Laren just blinked at him in surprise, before her expression turned incredulous.
“Why are you apologising?”
“Because you shouldn’t be dealing with this.”
“Koss Will!, you have to learn to take the uniform off”
“I thought we decided not to do that again” it was a bad joke, Will had no idea where it came from. It just landed on the tip of his tongue, and escaped his mouth before he could stop it. Laren’s eyes narrowed, she smiled brittlely and nodded.
“Will, if you were any more uptight, you wouldn’t be able to breath.”
“That’s rich coming from Ro Laren”
“Yeah well, if I think it’s bad, then it’s bad Will.” she stroked his cheek, “I’m worried about you.” she took his hand, slim fingers squeezing tight. “Just tell me.” her hand gripped his more tightly, she leaned forward, “I’m not going anywhere until you talk to me.” Defeated by the resolution in her eyes, Will let out a sigh.
“Alright” he muttered. “That last time I saw Soren,” saying her name made his chest ache all over again, “it wasn’t her. Who she was, was gone just gone.” he paused as the sobs crawled back up his throat, “and that is what nobody gets, whatever that was I left on J’naii it wasn’t Soren.” Will bit his lip as the tears returned, he couldn’t stop them this time. “I lost her.”
“it wasn’t your fault and you can’t let it eat you up inside, trust me don’t feed that predator”
“I really loved her” numbness spread through him, the anger dissipating into a miserable grey fog of hopelessness,
“I know.” she stroked his disordered hair, “you are allowed to be angry. They took her Will. They took her and they hurt her. But they did that, not you.”
“I should’ve saved her, it feels like she died.”
“when the cardassians killed my father, I blamed myself for not saving him.” The admission hurt her. He could tell from the counterfeit calm of her voice, he saw the unshed tears hanging in her eyes.
“Laren you were a child, it wasn’t your fault”
“Maybe but for a long time, I thought it was.”
“There was nothing you could have done.”
“and you did everything you could to save Soren, I know you did. You have to believe that”
“I wish I could” he muttered voice strangling in his throat, he felt sick. “Ever since alpha Onias three, I’ve felt this emptiness inside. Like something is missing.” He stuttered groping after words that wouldn’t come. That place, that world had given him a glimpse of a life he had never thought he wanted and ripped open an old festering wound.“I didn’t feel that when I was with her.”
“and now you feel like you are alone.”Laren concluded quietly. Will nodded, too embarrassed to admit she was right out loud. He stared at the carpet feeling small and exposed.
“You are not alone, Will.”
“you sound like Deanna”
“Maybe, you should talk to her”
“I can’t not about this.” Will’s mind baulked at the idea of that conversation, it brought up too many feelings he thought he had resolved. “I just can’t.” Fingertips stroked along his jaw and gripped the point of his chin. Will didn’t resist as Laren tilted his head up.
“There you are Riker.” she smiled at him sadly and dropped a platonic kiss on his forehead. “Will when I got here I had nothing,” She paused, fussing with his fringe, smoothing the disordered strands back into a semblance of neatness. “But now, for the first time in a long time; I have friends. Look at what you have, people care about you.” she was looking at him so earnestly, it made him half smile.
“I know, I guess I’m being pathetic.” Will muttered, trying not to sound too self pitying.
“maybe a little” Laren’s eyebrow twitched, “but you should ask yourself why I’m the only one you let see you like this.”
“like what?”
“Vulnerable” she explained simply. She was right, again. Will made himself really think about that, examine the void losing Soren had left in his heart. “Why do you think that is?” He took her free hand, rubbing his thumb across the knuckles. Part of him wanted to deflect Laren’s concern. It was tempting to bury the last few weeks at the back of his mind, pretend it had never happened. That would be wrong though and then there was Laren; concerned enough with his well being to sacrifice her free time to drag him out of his self inflicted purgatory. He owed her some kind of explanation. He must have been silent too long because Laren let go of his chin and sat up.
“Maybe because I don’t have to act with you.”
“Because we are both acting?” For a second Will thought he had upset her. Laren’s brow furrowed, but she shrugged “Starting to think you know me too well Will Riker.” a lock of her hair fell across her eyes. Without thinking Will tucked it back behind her ear. His fingertips grazed her jaw, his touch made her cheeks flush and she looked away quickly.
“Laren before the Enterprise, I was a selfish career driven asshole. I didn’t care enough about anyone to hold on to them. Even Deanna-”he stopped short of opening that particular can of worms. “I never let myself get close enough that losing them would hurt me.”
“Neither did I. Prophets help me, you are messed up Will”
“Thought you didn’t believe in the prophets.”
“It still helps to have a deity to swear by.”The smile she gave him was wide and amused, Will was glad he had lifted her mood, even if his own was still black.
“I’m going to have to apologise to Reg”
“And to Guinen , also to ensign Gates and crewman Curtis, you ruined their anniversary dinner.”
“oh.” Will whispered dejectedly, “I’ve really acted like a fucking idiot.” Laren shifted to sit beside him, she put an arm around his shoulders. He turned his head, resting his cheek against her collar bone. “I just want it to stop hurting.”
“I know” he felt her lips brush his forehead and this time it didn’t feel platonic. Confused Will pulled away a little and met her gaze.
“Laren, you don’t have to-” she pressed her lips against his shutting him up, despite the guilt bubbling in his mind, he kissed her back. “This is a bad idea” he told her when they broke for air.
“It was a bad idea the first time. Do you want me to go?” There was no judgement in her voice.
“No” Ashamed of his reaction and of himself for having it, he avoided her gaze. She stroked his thigh, a soul piercing gentle touch.
“it’s okay Will. We are two very damaged people,” she breathed in his ear, sending a tingling sensation down his neck. “I think it’s okay if we want to get lost in each other. Better than drinking alone anyway.”
“Not necessarily very healthy though.” It was nothing more than token resistance, a sop to his own shame. Smiling, Laren straddled him, her lips brushed against his teasingly.
“maybe not, but much more fun.”
“True” Will grasped her hips, pulling her closer. A moan of anticipation was his reward, the sound echoed round his skull, erasing all the rational reasons of ‘why this was a bad idea’; Before hurtling down his spine to add to the sudden tightness in his pants. Laren unzipped his uniform jacket, pushing it over his shoulders. Will shrugged it off, tossing it to one side. Then suddenly impatient he pulled the black undershirt over his head. Laren tugged at his fly of his trousers, her hand reached inside and closed around his shaft. Will’s head slumped back against the couch as she stroked and squeezed him.
“Do you want me?” Will barely heard her, she mouthed the sensitive skin of his neck and ground her crotch against his hardness.
“Yes.” Half assent, half plea.
“Will, look at me,”She stood up and unfastened her jacket, slowly she stripped her eyes never left his face.
Will reached out grasping her hips, pulled her closer and nibbled at her panties. His cock twitched as his tongue felt her small hard clit through the silky stuff, he hooked them with a finger and pulled them to one side. Pressing his tongue against her clit he took a long taste, she responded with a thrust of her hips pushing his tongue inside. He opened his mouth wider sucking her, plunging his tongue in deep.
He let out a disappointed noise when she pushed him away. Which turned to delighted anticipation as she turned round knelt down and glanced over her shoulder. Will hunkered down and kissed the quivering tautness of her buttocks, he let his fingers slide between her legs. She squirmed against him, he peppered the base of her spine with light kisses and pressed his cock into the warm slippery depths. He attempted to enter slowly, but Laren backed up against him. She hugged his arms around her waist and sat up. Will could feel her muscles rippling under his hands, the hot sweet rhythmic pressure as she rode him, was hard to bear. His mind emptied, there was just this. He let his fingers slide between her legs to fondle her clit. Laren jerked in his arms, “Will” their straining bodies were slicked with sweat. He wanted to come so badly.
“Laren” he hissed her name through gritted teeth, forcing his body to wait, drawing out the moment for as long as he could. She tightened around him buttocks thrusting against his hips with more vigour, breath huffing out in an uninhibited moan. Suddenly the friction disappeared in a moment of luscious fire as Laren came, his fingers were drenched with her juices. He lost control, the spring coiled at the base of his belly, snapped. Will let go, driving himself into her as she came again. Riding the lightening letting their conjoined bodies become the universe for a moment, he forgot his pain, forgot his lost love. He held on tight as their breathing returned to normal. He could feel her heart thumping against his skin, his own he thought must be audible. “Christ” not very eloquent but it was all he could muster,
“Told you it’s handy to have a deity” Laren laughed shakily and leaned her head against his shoulder. Will hugged her tight and kissed her cheek.
“Thankyou” he whispered feeling awkward.
“You don’t have to thank me Will.” she turned round, looking at him with amusement in her eyes. She kissed him quickly and drew back smiling. “I better get going, early shift tomorrow.” Regretfully, fingertip’s caressed his jaw. “And this time, we should really not do this again. However good it feels-” Laren paused and shook her head. “if somebody finds out, well I don’t want to deal with the gossip.”
“yeah I suppose,” Will muttered, knowing he probably sounded pitiful. He watched Laren fish her clothes from the floor. The loneliness was creeping back, Will bit his lip. “How about we stop in the morning” he suggested. Laren froze, her uniform jacket dangling from her fingers.
“I suppose that is rational.” Laren agreed. It was a lie they both understood that. She dropped her jacket on the floor and sauntered towards him. Will clasped her close, burying his face in her hair.
“So after tomorrow morning-”
“Never again.” Her hands stroked down his spine and gripped his buttocks possessively.
“Never.”

Chapter Text

Ro left Geordi in Ten forward, eating his way through the remains of the funeral buffet. Now she was huddled on the couch in her quarters, attention entirely focussed on a small painting a Bajoran friend had sent her. For a moment, she had thought she was really dead. It had all come rushing back, the adults singing the death chant for her father. Their droning voices spiralling up on dusty breeze of the desert camp. All the stories and songs from a world she could not remember. Home, what an absurd idea! She may have been born on Bajor, but she barely recalled it. Still she ached to belong somewhere, to be able to trust that it wasn’t just another stop on the way. Laren flinched as the door chimed. “Come in.” she raised her eyes briefly, it was Will. Laren had been half expecting him. He stood near the door, hands behind his back anxiety furrowing his brow.
“Are you okay?”
“I don’t think okay is the right word.” His presence always made her pulse quicken, it was becoming a little worrying. ‘Never again’ had become a lie they told each other. Two days ago, on the way to the bridge, she had impulsively kissed Will in the turbolift. There had been an illicit thrill to it; pulling apart the second the doors opened and walking on to the bridge as if nothing had happened. It had been a reckless thing to do, but then Laren was starting to see the value of a little recklessness.
“I see” Will said softly and wandered over to the couch. “What’s this?” he picked the painting up carefully and examined it.
“It’s a copy of the icon of B’hala, the sacred city of Bajor, an old friend sent it to me.”
“Oh” Laren heard the confusion he tried to hide, she almost smiled, that was the reaction any mention of her home world always inspired. People wanted to ask, but were afraid to. In case it upset her some how, as if being Bajoran rendered you so fragile a wrong word could smash you like brittle glass. She let out a huff of frustration; enough.
“it’s lost, been lost for centuries. My farther used to tell me stories about it.” She couldn’t stop the shake in her voice, her cheeks coloured.
“You don’t talk about your father much.” Will put the painting down with exaggerated care.
“I don’t remember much or maybe I don’t want to.” Laren looked down at her hands, she didn’t want to talk about her father it was like poking at a rotten tooth. Her thoughts scrambled looking for a way to change the subject, “What were you going to say about me? At the funeral, my eulogy?”
“What?” Will took a step back eyes widening in guilty surprise.
“I heard you in the turbolift with Picard.”
“Oh right” he was biting his lip, a sad smile crooked his mouth.
“So Will, what were you going to say?”
“Why do you want to know”
“I just want to know” Laren insisted and stood up, folding her arms tightly over her chest, physically reining in her tumbling feelings.
“I was going to say how much I missed you. Laren, believe it or not I do care about you.” He took a step toward her hands open wide, but stopped abruptly when she took an involuntary step back.
“Were you going to tell them about us?” her throat constricted a little.
“Maybe” he shrugged
“Why would you do that?”
“I was going to tell them about my friend Ro Laren, who drove me crazy with her insubordinate sarcasm, but also picked me up off the floor more times than I’d like to admit.” he sat down on the couch and looked up at her, blue eyes pleading with her. “Laren let me help you up this time, I owe you.”
“That’s sweet, I hate it when you are sweet.” Her voice caught in her throat, that was a lie. What she hated, was the way any tenderness shown made her feel; raw and exposed. “when I was phased I shot you in the head with a romulan disruptor-” She admitted and stared at the floor. “Can’t say I didn’t enjoy it.” that prompted a dark chuckle from Will. He shook his head and scrubbed at his face.
“I probably deserved it” he said with a wry smile. Gingerly, Laren sat down.”You look tired.”
“It’s been a long day, dying is surprisingly hard work.” Will took her hand, he was quiet for a moment. Something was clearly bothering him.
“I’m sorry I snapped at you in the transporter room.” he admitted softly. “I’ve spent the last two days regretting that my last words to you were so-” he paused grimacing, “So harsh.” It hurt how much regret she could see in his eyes. “I just kept wishing I could take them back. I thought I was never going to see you again.” She hated the way his pain cut her, part of her wanted it to stop; this wretched need, buzzing under her skin.
“No, don’t say that,” she tried to hide the hitch in her chest, and failed. “I don’t want losing me hurt you that much.”
“Laren, I’ve let you come close enough to hurt me,” he laughed a little, sad eyes flashed over her quickly. He let go of her hand and clenched his own together in his lap. “I care about you” Laren could sense the nervousness radiating off him, he avoided her eyes.
“It’s okay Will” she told him softly reaching out to unclench his hands, “I know, come here” she drew his arms around her. Not wanting to admit that she cared about him too, not sure if she was able to cope with the feeling. After a moments hesitation Laren buried her face into his chest, the odd rhythm of his human heart thumped against her cheek. “I really thought I was dead.”
“I’m glad you’re alive” he cupped her cheek and kissed her forehead.
“Will, I lost everyone I ever loved in the camps” the scalding hot tears came unbidden, she let them come.
“You’re alright, you’re safe.” he rocked her a little,
“you don’t understand.”she looked up, her fingers curled round his neck. “I thought it had happened again, I thought I’d lost everything again.”
“Laren-”
“All of this, all of you are just temporary, how am I supposed to trust it? It could all be gone in a second.”
“I’m not going anywhere, neither is the crew, you are home Laren”. Home, that word again with all it’s confusing connotations, impulsively Laren lifted her hands catching his face. She kissed him deeply, Will licked his lips and grinned at her. “I didn’t think I’d get a chance to tell you-” he stuttered to a stop biting his lip. Laren stood up abruptly not wanting him to finish that sentence.
“I need a shower, I’ve been wearing this uniform for two days.”
“Do you want me to go?” Quickly concealed disappointment flashed in his eyes.
“No” she admitted, “and I think you know that.” she held out her hand, Will stood up gripping her fingers tight.
“Laren I’m trying to tell you something-” she cut off his words with another kiss.
“Like I said I know, but can’t we just have this for now? Please.”
“Okay” He tilted his head, “What ever you need.” Laren stepped back, unzipping her uniform jacket.
“Scrub my back?” She suggested and walked towards her bathroom. She shrugged out of the jacket and threw it over her shoulder. Grinning, Will caught it.
“Sonic or water” He called jogging after her.
“I feel like getting wet.”
“I’m never going to get tired of looking at that” Will grinned widely. He leaned in the door way arms folded; looking at her from under those ridiculously thick lashes with frank admiration.
“So are you coming in or are you content to watch?” Laren ran her hands over her hips and then down, slipping a finger inside her self. Will watched her eyes widening. He reached up to unzip his jacket.
“Slowly” Laren told him. He tilted his head and raised an amused eyebrow, even so he slowed down.
“do you remember the turbolift last month?” Will asked grinning as he pulled off his clothes. She remembered, the memory filled her belly with sudden heat.
“When that metamorph was on board and you were so parash-sed that you couldn’t wait until we got to your quarters?” The smile that curved her lips was unstoppable.
“Yeah.” he kicked his pants to one side.“You want to do that again?” he sauntered forwards, hands reaching to grip her hips. Laren let him catch her, she pulled him under the warm spray of water; in a second his hair was plastered to his head.
“I wouldn’t say no.” Laren pushed his wet fringe back and let her fingertips wander along his jaw and down to trace his collar bone. Will bent his head, lips suckled her neck her breath caught in her chest. “Will” his name escaped in a soft moan. His finger tips stroked down her spine sparking red hot shudders. She slipped her hands over the broadness of his chest. ‘Built for safety’, Deanna had told her one night, after a little too much synthehol. She was right, snuggled securely in that embrace it was impossible not to feel safe. Her hands travelled lower, elicitating a low groan from Will as her fingers gripped his already hard shaft. Squeezing the base, the way she knew he liked, then letting her fingertips travel up wards to caress the slippery sensitive tip. His roving fingers grazed her inner thighs, found her wet folds and fingered her clit. She pushed against his hand, he acquiesced to the silent plea, sliding two fingers inside while his thumb massaged the hard bump of her clit.
“That feels good.” his breath tickled her ear, hands sliding over wet skin lifting her, ro wrapped her legs around his hips. The itch was building, clinging to his shoulders she ground herself against his cock. For a dangerous moment they tottered, then the wall was at her back, the cold tiles a delicious shock against her hot skin. Will lifted her hips and shifted, he let out a groan of utter abandon as he sank inside of her. Laren wriggled her hips buttock muscles tightening, sending a wave of unstoppable euphoria surging through her system. Prophets she loved this, she loved this moment. Loved hearing him sob out her name as they got lost together. Loved the salt on his skin, the feel of her passion bruised lips, loved the way her thoughts would fritter away because this moment was the only one that mattered. Let herself love him, just for an instant.
And then the instant was over, the wave washed her back to herself. She clung to Will’s neck listening to their hearts thumping. They stayed like that for a while, shaking, gasping letting the water wash over them. Will lifted his head first. He cupped her jaw there was something in his eyes, he almost looked scared.“Laren-” . Don’t, she mouthed the words. He hesitated, looking away. Goosebumps prickled as his palms slipped over her the wet skin of her thighs, he let her down slowly.
“Don’t say it” shaking her head she covered his mouth. “don’t”. Will pulled her fingers away, smiling sadly.
“I love you,” he breathed the words, he believed it too.
“No Will” she planted a brief kiss on his lips and pushed him away.
“why are you so afraid of this?” there was no judgement in his tone, just bewildered hurt. “You don’t feel the same way do you?” he grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist, for once he seemed off balance. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. I’ll go”. He walked back into the lounge. Ro followed him slapping the shower off and pulling on her robe. She watched him dress feeling? well she didn’t really know. Folding her arms and pressing her tongue against her teeth, she tried to find the words. Not wanting to tell the truth, knowing that maybe she should just let him walk away.
“I don’t know what this thing is between us” it came out a lot angrier than she intended. Will stood up straight and turned round.
“Because I am your XO?”
“No, because I don’t know how this supposed to feel.” Tightening the belt on her robe and she took a breath. She could see Will was confused, the hurt laden gaze he turned on her cut her deeply.
“What is that supposed to mean? Ro just tell me.” Anger spiking in his voice he stepped away from her, then looked embarrassed at his reaction. “I’m sorry”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“Please?” he pleaded, hands held wide.
“I um” biting her lip she tried to form her conflicting feelings into a coherent sentence, “I’ve never let myself feel this way, I’m not sure I like it. I’m not even sure I want it.”
“I see” Will let out a huff of frustration and sat down heavily, Laren wondered if he really understood. “Why?”
“I’m still not sure I belong on this ship.” Laren admitted even though it hurt to say the words out loud. “I’m not sure I’m home yet.” she crossed the floor to stand over him, stroked her fingers through his passion mussed hair. “I don’t expect you to understand.”
“You’re right I don’t.” Will muttered, misery radiating from every pore. Glancing away he licked his lips. “but, I thought I lost you, I thought you died”
“What’s your point Will” he got up slowly and took her by the shoulders, expression inscrutable.
“ I wanted to tell you, I thought I wouldn’t get the chance.” his voice hitched in his chest, the unshed tears in his eyes tore at Laren’s defences. “I just wanted you to know that you are not on your own anymore. I love you, you are my friend.”
“And if I decide we are not doing this any-more?”
“we’ll still be friends, laren whether I care about you or not does not hinge on us sleeping together.”
“You know I do though” Laren stuttered, unable to look at him, she fiddled with her earring. Will’s arms embraced her from behind, his breath tickled her ear.
“I know, you don’t have to say it, it’s alright.” he kissed the nape of her neck and released her waist. “You want me to go?” Laren turned round to look at him. Sooner or later she would have to say goodbye, she knew that with a rock hard certainty that she could not explain.
“No, maybe tomorrow.”

Chapter Text

Will stared out at the stars rushing past the big windows of ten forward, he had a warm cup of coffee in one hand and a padd displaying the next mission briefing in the other. Not that his mind was on the upcoming mission. Instead, he was preoccupied with the memory of earlier that morning; waking up with the warmth of Laren’s back pressed against him, legs tangled together and the curve of her cheek against the pillow.
“Enterprise to Will Riker” Deanna’s amused voice crashed into his day dreams, she was giving him an odd look. Will realised he had been sat staring at nothing with an inane grin on his face.
“Morning, how long have you been here”
“Long enough to wonder why you are grinning like the cheshire cat.”
“I’m just in a good mood” Will shrugged, he didn’t like lying to Deanna, that is what he was doing lying, no matter how much he tried to rationalise it.
“Uh huh” Deanna sat down, a waiter brought her a coffee. “Thanks” she set the cup down on the table and turned her dark eyes on him. Will shifted in his chair, feeling uncomfortable under the sudden scrutiny.
“Will there is something I need to talk to you about”
“Is something wrong?”
“No I’m fine” Deanna paused her fingertips tapping against the side of the cup. “Will, you know you can tell me anything” she leaned forward resting her elbows on the table. Will pretended to be engrossed in reading. He had a premonition as to where this conversation was going and didn’t like it.
“Nothing to tell I’m fine.”
“Come on, Will” frowning Deanna shook her head. “You and Ensign Ro, is it serious”
“We’re just friends” his tongue faltered over blatant lie, he couldn’t do it. “How long have you known.”
“Awhile” she admitted, shrugging and raising an eyebrow. Will felt like a prize fool, when had he ever been able to hide anything from Deanna.
“Does anyone else know?”
“No, I have an unfair advantage” Deanna smiled and tapped her head. “Though I had to put Beverly off your scent twice.”
“Thanks very little gets past the good doctor.” Will took a slow sip of his now tepid coffee.
“I can sense how much you care about her.”
“No one was more surprised than me.” Will couldn’t help smiling “or Laren” he added with a wry chuckle. Deanna smiled softly.
“And yet you are worried,” her voice took on a more serious tone.
“It’s been a while since I felt like this.”
“and that scares you?” Deanna tilted her head catching his eye. There was no point denying it.
“you know it does,” Will put the padd down and sat back. “I don’t exactly have the best record.”
“what happened with Soren was not your fault”
“How about what happened to us? Pretty sure that was my fault.”
“We were young.” She flapped a hand at him dismissively. “We’ve both grown up a lot since then.”
“maybe.”
“Are you worried about the time apart?”
“What do you mean”
“well with Laren getting into the tactical training program” Deanna’s voice trailed off.
“Deanna, what are you talking about?”
“Will, Ro is leaving”
“No she isn’t” he laughed back automatically incredulous, but Deanna would not tease him like that.
“so you have not seen the Captain yet this morning.”
“No, what are you talking about?”
“She got into the advanced tactical training school, I assumed you knew.”
“No I didn’t know. Why didn’t she tell me”
“I don’t know the answer to that.” Deanna reached across the table, fingers covering his. “I’m sure she had a good reason.” Will didn’t know what to say, his thoughts suddenly a jumbled mess. Why would Laren not tell him? His communicator chirped dragging his attention back to reality. He slapped it.
“Riker here”
“number one report to my ready room” Picard’s clipped tone. Will took a breath to steady his voice.
“On my way.” He stood up avoiding Deanna’s sympathetic gaze.
“Will-”
“Don’t!” Will snapped and immediately felt bad. “Sorry, can we talk later? I need so time to process”
“Its fine, I’ll call you.” Deanna caught his hand and squeezed it. “Will talk to her, don’t make assumptions.”
“I’ll be fine.” That was lie, but to himself this time.

Laren had spent most of the day in hiding in engineering ostensibly helping Geordi to realign the navigational array, but really avoiding the bridge. News of her transfer was finally out of the bag, the Captain would have told Will. She had wanted to tell him that morning, or at least that was what she told herself. Her heart had plummeted when she woke up to an empty bed. All day she had been on edge, expecting Will to seek her out, but he hadn’t.
And now her door bell was ringing. “What the hell do I say” she asked the universe outloud, the universe did not deign to answer. The bell rang again, ‘Come on’ she growled at herself, ‘he isn’t going away’. She sucked a last breath into her tight chest. “Come in.”
There was Will, arms folded tightly against his chest, laren recognised the tight closed off expression on his face. Clearly annoyed but trying not to show it, he stalked in and stood a meter or so away. “so I hear you are leaving”
“Yes, next week when we rendezvous with the Biko.” Ro scuffed her toe against the carpet pretending to be fascinated by the trail her boot left in the weave. After a few long seconds she dared herself to meet Will’s eyes and instantly wished she hadn’t. Anger she could have dealt with, but the stark misery caught her off guard. She wondered if this was really the right thing?
“I’m the first officer how did I not know my best helmsman is leaving?”
“When the captain recommended me I asked him not to tell you.” Laren sat down on the couch she tugged off her boots. Will made no move to join her, just watched her with that sad broken expression.
“Did everyone else know? was I the only one out of the loop?”
“No” Ro couldn’t get comfortable she picked up a throw cushion and scrunched it against her lap. “They didn’t know either”
“Why would you not tell me about this?” Will held out his hands begging her for an explanation. “Do you think I’m the kind of asshole who would try and stop you?”
“No”
“You have got to learn to trust someone Laren”
“I trust-”
“No you don’t” Will cut her off with a dark wry chuckle. “Because if you did, you would have told me you were leaving.” he shook his head “i don’t know what it is you want me to say Laren”
“I don’t want you to say anything” she hugged her knees. How could she explain? “I didn’t know I was going to get in. so what would be the point of telling you all”
“Right.”will snorted, completely unconvinced eyes darting up her. Ro clenched her fists as she tried to cobble together her conflicted feelings into a coherent sentence.
“Then I did get in, and I wanted to tell you. To tell everybody” Ro stared at her hands realisation dawning.“But I couldn’t find the right words. Still can’t.” The couch shifted as Will sat down beside her.
“ Are you sure about this?” his voice artificially calm, Laren half wished he would shout at her.
“It’s the right thing, it’s a great opportunity.” The words sounded hollow enough to her own ears, Will didn’t seem convinced either.
“It’s only a year we can survive a year apart, right?” his arm slipped round her shoulders, lips brushed her forehead. Trying to reassure her, Laren realised. She took a breath and gently disentangled herself.
“Will I might not get reassigned to the Enterprise.”
“What about us?”
“I’m sorry” Ro started, the rest of her words drained away. Will’s hand slipped from her shoulder.
“So that’s it.”
“yes”
“Did I do something wrong?” Typical Will, blaming himself
“No of course not, but we both know this thing between us is not going to end well,”
“You can’t know that.”
“I’m still not sure I belong here Will. I just need some time to figure things out”
“And space, that school is on the other side of this sector” a muttered sarcastic response. “I love you”, he hurled the words at her pain burning in his eyes. Abruptly Laren stood up, arms folded, determined to keep her resolve. Why was this so damned difficult for Will to understand?
“Don’t say that.”Laren took a deep breath and met his eyes. “I don’t want you to say that to me any more, you understand.” Will got to his feet slowly, tugging his uniform straight and rolling his neck as if his collar was too tight.
“Fine, if that is what you want”
“Will, I don’t even know what I want.”
“I get that” Real bitterness in his tone, Laren’s heart sank a little, she hadn’t wanted this angry parting. Will took a step closer his fingertips brushed her cheek then lifted her chin. “So long Laren,” her resolve stuttered was this this the right thing? She wanted to kiss him. If Will had kissed her then, she might have given in. But when she didn’t respond to the plea in those stupidly blue eyes; He dropped his hand and turned away.
“Will I am sorry, I just have to go,” Laren muttered, guilt prompting one last appeal for understanding. Will’s shoulders slumped and he flashed her a heartbroken grin.
“Good luck” he walked out the door without another word and Laren realised she still hadn’t said goodbye.

Chapter Text

“You are over him” Ro reminded herself sternly as the doorbell rang. Taking a deep breath she hit the control panel, the door slid open. There Will stood looking like he was on report, shoulders back, bottom lip jutting out.
“May I come in?”Will asked, cold formal. Laren weighed her options and stepped aside; deciding it was best avoid a blazing row with the first officer in a corridor, at least not on her first day back. Will brushed past her stalking over to the window.“So do you like your new quarters?”
“yes, they’re fine.” Ro folded her arms, typical Will dancing around the question. Blowing an exasperated breath through her teeth, She took a deliberate step forward. “So did you come down here to make small talk or was there something else you wanted to say?” No answer, the silence stretched between them. “It feels a little weird to be back here” she admitted, anything to break the tension.
“I bet it does.” savage bitterness underlay his neutral tone. “Don’t suppose you missed me?”
“of course I did.”
“you could’ve called.”
“I didn’t think it was a good idea.”
“yeah well, you’re probably right about that.” Laren watched him pace the length of her couch and then back again. He stopped abruptly and there was no way to escape his miserable eyes. “I missed you, a lot.”
“So I take it you are still angry, that why you skipped the party in ten forward?”
“you hate parties” Will mumbled, refusing to even look in her direction.
“So do you” Ro folded her arms and stepped forward, “After 20 minutes you always look for a way out. So are you still mad at me?”
“You know I had bridge duty,” the curtness of his voice answered her question.
“Will, I don’t know what you want me to say. I told you I needed space, everything was getting too much” Ro bit her lip.
“You mean you and me?” Will was staring out of the window again, arms folded.
“Not just us, everything.” Giving into temptation Ro crossed the floor and laid a hand on his braced shoulders.
“i understand.” Will let out a sigh, the ramrod stiff shoulders slumped. “Believe me, I do understand. Recently, I’ve felt like running away myself” The usual self protective bluster vanished, he seemed diminished. Will turned round, Ro studied his face. Exhaustion wrote itself large in the red rimmed eyes. A year ago there had been no grey in his hair, now silver was creeping into his temples. Will seemed worn out.
“Don’t do that” Ro muttered, pushing away a wave of sympathy. Still the feeling didn’t vanish it tugged at her making her heart ache.
“Do what?”
“look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“like a kicked puppy.”Ro gave in to the ache, the need to touch him. Cupping his face between her hands, she drew down his face pressing her forehead against his. “Will I know I hurt you, I handled things badly.”
“That makes two of us.”Not just tired, but broken.
“prophets Will, did you get more messed up while I was away”
“Things have happened”
“like what?”
“You remember I told you about the Pegasus” Will said the ships name bitterly. Ro remembered, a whispered stoic confession in the depths of the night; after Will woken up screaming.
“yeah, I remember.”
“It came back to bite me in the ass, pretty humbling experience”
“what did you do?”
“The right thing twelve years too late”
“A humble Will Riker, sorry I missed that” Ro looked him in the eye. “I feel like I missed a lot” there were shadows in his eyes that made her frown.“What’s been going on?”
“It’s been a difficult year and the last few months made me realise I've been a jerk. I have no right to judge any ones decisions” his fingers brushed her jaw. “I’m sorry you couldn’t trust me, that’s on me.”
“I do trust you Will. You may be a star fleet poster boy, but you’ve always been honest with me” Ro smiled to herself, remembering. “Bluntly honest.”
“Well in the interests of maintaining honesty, there is something I should tell you.”
“What.”
“I’m dating the new tactical officer” Will admitted his eyes darting to one side.
“oh” Laren stepped back, shaken by a wave of unexpected disappointment. “what’s her name”
“Rebecca smith”
“Cute name”
“are you jealous?” Will’s mood shifted he seemed genuinely irritatingly amused.
“of course not, I’m happy for you” The lie came out with barely a tremor and as much sincere warmth as Laren could muster, she even managed to smile. “How’s it going with you and, and” her mind blanked.
“Rebecca” Will reminded her.
“Rebecca?” Laren repeated forcing her smile wider.
“It’s fine, it’s good” Will was trying to reassure himself.”We’ve not been together long.”
“That’s good” Laren chewed her lip, words deserted her sucked into some black hole. The silence hurt, everything hurt.
“We had a rocky start” Will didn’t seem to like the cloying silence any more than she did.“On our first date I rolled over a cactus then turned into a cave man”
“That’s a pretty bad first date”
“I’ll send you the incident report.”
“You’re not joking are you”
“I wish I was, I ate the Captains fish.” Ro couldn’t stop herself from laughing, it bubbled up from nowhere; a slightly manic giggle. She patted Will’s chest fondly.
“I really did miss you” Will caught her fingers and touched them to his lips once. “is it serious, you and-” Laren blanked again, why couldn’t she remember the woman’s name?
“Rebecca” Will supplied the name, his lips twitched hiding a smile.
“Right Rebecca” Ro nodded “so is it serious? Because if it is you probably shouldn’t be here” Gently disentangling her hand, she pulled away and paced a small circle on the carpet.
“I don’t think so”
“How do you know?” Ro asked carefully. Will shrugged.
“feels like I’m acting, I’m not sure she would like the real me.”
“Well you can be an asshole.”
“Thanks I really needed to hear that.”
“You are here and not with her.”
“Yeah, you’re right I am an asshole.” Will grimaced and took a step towards the door, Laren caught his wrist.
“Don’t go.” The words leaped out of her mouth before she realised what she was saying.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea” Will didn’t pull away though.
“We were never a good idea.”Laren rested her head against his shoulder, a trace of cedarwood tickled her nostrils, Why did Will always smell so good?
“I’ve missed that”
“What?”
“The smell of your cologne.”
“Are you sniffing me lieutenant?”
“Yes, my pillows always smelled of you, I liked it. I liked the reminder that I had you.”
“You definitely had me Laren” Will breathed hands hovering before settling on her hips. His touch brought all the memories hurtling back. Laren wound her arms around his neck, her breath hitched in her throat. The need in those sea-storm blue eyes made her heart thump. She still wanted him, no point denying it. Rising on tiptoe Laren pressed her lips to his. Will caught her up against his chest, Laren let herself sink into the kiss, lost herself in the moment. Ro broke the kiss first, fully aware of the soppy smile curving her lips. “Come here” She dragged her fingers through his hair messing it up. “That's better, a little rumpled” A mischievous spark in Will’s eyes sent heat pulsing through her skin. Goosebumps prickled her neck as will drew down the zip of her uniform shirt. He pushed it over her shoulders, a delicious shiver following in the wake of his fingertips. Impatient Laren shrugged the rest of her clothes off. Grabbing his hands she guided them to her naked hips.
“That’s better.” A dirty smirk twitched his lips “a little naked”.
“What are you waiting for a fanfare?” Ro tugged at his shirt. Will actually blushed before peeling off his uniform.
“thought you liked it slow”
“It’s been year, humour me”
“So you haven’t-” Will wriggled his eyebrows “For a year”
“Not with anyone memorable” Ro slipped her arms around his neck,
“So I’m memorable, nice to know”
“Are you going to shut up? Hey!” Ro yelped in surprise as Will swept her off her feet dumping her onto the bed in one smooth motion. His tongue worked it’s way down her neck, sending shivers down her back, making her wet. Questing lips found her nipples, tongue massaging one into hardness, while his fingers squeezed other. Her knees hugged his hips, she could feel his cock growing harder as it slipped against her folds.
“lie down’” Ro grabbed his shoulders and twisted her hips. He grunted in surprise as she landed on top of him. Will blinked up at her.
“So you are in command now hmm?..uh god” words trailing off into a groan as Laren wrapped her fingers round his rock hard shaft.
“You know you like it” she squeezed rubbing her thumb across the thick tip, smiling as he jerked arching his back.
“Yeah” slippery between her hands now, matching her own wetness. Will’s hands gripped her buttocks tightly. She wriggled against him and was rewarded with another moan. She let him in slowly, inch by inch, thrust by thrust. Savouring the friction, rolling her hips to the delicious pulse in building her navel. Will sat up, his hands still firmly clasping her shivering shaking hips, his tongue teased her skin, flicked her hard nipples. it was too much, full to bursting they rocked hip to hip. Will was coming, the first hot spurt filled her up, she rode him harder. The air smelled of sex and sweat, “Will” the last year disappeared, washed away in a tide of ecstasy,. Just those waves, each one stronger than the last, until the last one crested and Will gasped out her name. She let it take her, let it shred her mind . In that moment, nothing else mattered life was simple, easy. But it never lasted reality asserted itself soon enough. Will smiled up at her, his chest still heaving.
“That was-” he stuttered and shook his head. “I have no words, just come here” he dragged her down onto the disordered covers beside him. Laren found Will’s hand and squeezed it.
“I meant it when I said I missed you” Ro twirled a strand of his chest hair between her fingers.
“I sense a ‘but’ coming” Will groaned, “You’re not going to stay on the Enterprise.”
“I’m that easy to read huh?” she trailed her fingers along his belly.
“no, lets just say I’m getting to know how you think” Sitting up abruptly, Will caught her fingers before they could travel any lower. “So stop trying to distract me and talk to me Laren.”
“I just think somewhere there’s a place that fits me, that needs me.”
“I need you”
“No you don’t, this is where you belong”
“I’m not so sure about that, like I said, this year I have questioned just about every decision I have made.” Will’s gaze turned inward, he shook his head. “and I’ve made some bad choices Laren”
“we both have.”
“So where does that leave us.” Will slumped back on his pillow.
“Same place we’ve always been, somewhere complicated.” Ro burrowed into his shoulder.
“I’m glad you are here now.” He sounded sleepy. Ro kissed his cheek,
“We will have time to work this out. I’m not going anywhere for a while.” that at least was the truth, but for some reason it also felt like a lie.

Chapter Text

“Are you coming in?” Will called from the shower, prompting Laren to smile to herself as she straightened the bed. It was a tempting offer.
“No, I’ve got to unpack” After restoring order to the passion tangled bedsheets she heaved her suitcase onto the mattress and flipped it open. Looking up she found Will leaning in the bathroom doorway wearing nothing but a towel wrapped round his hips and the Federation’s dirtiest grin.
“I think you should come take a shower”
“I already had one, while you were asleep.” Laren took a slow step forward, fighting the urge to smile back. So Will wanted to play did he?
“Then I think you should take another one”
“I think you should get dressed.”
“That is a terrible idea.” Will dead-panned, grin vanishing. He frowned, folded his arms and took a step forward almost touching distance. “I’ve got a better one you get undressed.” his voice had grown husky, carrying with it both the memory and the promise of pleasure.
“hardly the most sophisticated counter argument, but you might be winning me over”
“I’ll scrub your back” Will offered, and wriggled his eyebrows. Laren let out the laugh she had been holding in and let her hands find his hips. Will lips brushed hers, gently at first teasing her mouth then harder as she tugged the towel free.
The doorbell chose that moment to ring, “Ignore it?” Will groaned into her mouth, but it chimed again. “Impeccable timing.”
“Be quiet I’ll tell them I’m busy.”
“All right” Will muttered rolling his eyes theatrically. Ro waved a warning finger at him and tried to compose her voice.
“Who is it?”
“Captain Picard” Ro froze for a moment, she glared at Will, who stared back at her; stupefied.
“what do we do?” he hissed at her. she shrugged and shoved him back in the bathroom.
“Just be very quiet” she suggested throwing the damp towel after him.
“Not your best plan” he retorted as the doors closed. Laren spied Will’s shirt lying crumpled on the couch all three command pips clearly visible. Scooping it up, she shoved it under a cushion and scanned the room for any other sign she wasn’t alone. Will’s boots! she kicked them under the bed and turned back to the doors trying to pull herself together. “Come in sir”
“Everything quite alright Lieutenant?”
“Yes Captain I just wasn’t expecting you.”
“I’m sorry to disturb you lieutenant, but we need to talk.”
“of course sir” she stepped back acutely aware of that Will was hiding, naked in her bathroom. “I was just finishing unpacking” Ro pointed to her suitcase with what she hoped was a convincing smile.
“I have a mission for you” Picard held out a padd, she took it frowning, not liking the serious expression on the Captain face. It took a minute or so to read the text, another longer moment before she fully understood what was being asked of her.
“Starfleet wants me to infiltrate the Maquis?” If Picard noticed her disbelief he gave no sign. The hazel eyes seemed to look straight through her asking a question.
“Because of your recent training, because you're Bajoran, and because of your past troubles with Starfleet gives you a certain credibility.” Picard tilted an eyebrow at her, how could she refuse? She owed Picard and the debt weighed heavy.
“Well, that's certainly true.” Ro paused for a moment wondering if the Captain really understood what he was asking her to do. “And just how soon would this mission begin?” she didn’t have a choice not really, it was irked her that Picard could pull her strings like this.
“Immediately.” Ro walked over to her bed and mechanically began to unpack, needing something to occupy her hands.
“I see. I've spent the better part of my life fighting the Cardassians. Never thought I'd be helping them out.”
“This is a rare case when our interests and theirs coincide. We both want peace in the Demilitarised Zone.” Picard sounded like he was still trying to convince himself.
“I've heard a lot about the Maquis. One of my instructors at Tactical Training, a Lieutenant Commander in Starfleet, a man I admired and respected, he was sympathetic to them. He resigned and left to join them.”
“We're all sympathetic, Lieutenant. Our civilian population in the Demilitarised Zone is in a very difficult situation, but even sympathy has to end at some point.” Picard took a breath, his fingers curled into fists. “The peace treaty isn't just a piece of paper. If the Maquis force us into a war with Cardassia, it could mean hundreds of thousands of lives.” That part at least she could tell her Captain believed. “Two years ago, Starfleet would never have tapped you for this mission. They must have a lot of confidence in you now.” He didn’t just mean Starfleet, Picard was proud of her too. Suddenly she didn’t want him to know about her doubts.
“The way I see it, there's one good reason to take this mission, and that's to validate your faith in me.” The words felt false on her tongue, she wondered if Picard noticed.
“I knew I could depend on you” Picard smiled, pride shining in his eyes.
“Did you hear all that?” Ro called over her shoulder as soon as the doors closed on the Captain. Will emerged from the bathroom naked, rubbing his hair dry with a towel.
“yeah I heard” Will sighed, “I hoped we would have longer.”
“We will.” Laren promised, even though it felt like a lie. She draped her arms around his shoulders and kissed the soft skin of his neck.
“Shouldn’t you be getting ready for this mission?”
“I need a shower first”

A few days into the mission, Will was summoned to Picard's ready room.
“You wanted to see me sir?”
“Take a seat number one” Will sat down, he didn’t like the pinched expression on Picard’s face, the captain was angry or irritated about something.
“Sir?” Will prompted.
“I need you to accompany Lieutenant Ro when she returns to the Maquis.”
“you think she needs backup?”
“Not for that reason.” Picard’s steel gaze flickered, Will leaned forward.
“You want me to keep an eye on her” he couldn’t quite hide his disbelief, “Sir Laren would never-”
“Will I am worried about her commitment, this is a sore test of her loyalties. I merely want you there to remind her of where that loyalty should lie.” Picard snapped. He stood and crossed to the replicator. “Tea, earl grey hot”
“Sir, I read Ro’s report. To be frank I share her concerns, this mission feels wrong.”
“I know it does.” Picard put down his tea cup, the porcelain ringing faintly against the desk. “but sometimes we must make sacrifices for the greater good.” Picard didn’t sound entirely convinced himself.
“Somebody else tried to sell me that line recently, turned out he was wrong.” Will couldn’t keep the anger out of his voice, Picard gave him a sharp look. he had gotten to know the Captain's expressions over the years, this one translated to ‘you’re on thin ice, number one’
“We need peace with Cardassia, especially now.” Picard sighed as he sat back down. The captain leaned forward, fingers steepled together. “and I do not want Laren to throw away everything she has gained.”
“I see, the price seems a little steep, these are federation citizens. I will note an objection in my log”
“As will I in mine.” Picard answered shortly. “We don’t have to like the price.” silence stretched between them, Will tapped his fingers on the table.
“I’ll carry out the mission and I will look after Laren.” Will stood up abruptly he tugged his uniform straight and looked down at his captain. “One thing I can’t be just a random relative, these people may not accept me. Besides Laren hasn’t got any living family they probably know that.”
“What do you suggest?”
“Something a bit more intimate. I think we could sell that” Will hoped Picard wouldn’t see the guilty blush advancing up his neck.
“pardon me if I am wrong number one, but you and Ensign Ro have never had the easiest working relationship” Picard tilted his head raising an eyebrow.
“No we haven’t, but trust me this will work.” another long silence, broken only by another faint chime as Picard reclaimed his teacup and took a thoughtful sip.
“Well make it so number One”

Chapter Text

Will caught sight of his new Bajoran self in the dirty windows of the bar on Ronara. He gave himself one more cursory examination. Trying to get comfortable with his new face. The ridges on his nose itched, while the earring and cuff on his ear felt oddly weighty. Something wasn’t quite right. He reached up and tangled his fingers in his hair, messing up it’s usually straight lines.
There were a few patrons scattered about the bar’s murky interior, including Ro sat staring moodily into a glass at a table near the back. She sensed his approach and looked up. A half laugh bubbled from her lips.
“That is a new look”
“it’s a new tunic, you like it?” he half twirled, grinning.
“It’s certainly different, but I don’t need you. You should go”
“I can’t do that.” Will sat down he reached across and took her hand in his. “I have orders” he whispered meaningfully. Ro snatched her fingers away.
“You can’t be here” An angry growl, she stood up, headed for the door. Will followed her.
“Just what the hell is going on?” he demanded as soon as they were alone outside the bar. He didn’t get an answer, Ro just pursed her lips and carried on walking. “for fuck sake Ro!, the Captain only sent me here because he thinks you may betray us”
“We’re betraying them.”
“the colonists? Yeah I know, but war with Cardassia...” Will snapped his mouth shut, made mute by his own misgivings, the price of peace was too high it was true there was no denying it.
“you don’t know what the Cardassians will do to these people without the maquis to defend them. I do.” Will heard Laren’s breath catch in her chest.
“Laren, did something happen?”
“i met an old man, he looked after me. He liked hasperat and he could play the Klavion” Will reached out and folded her stiff shaking form against his chest
“Who was he?”
“Macius, just an old man who should’ve died in his bed not-”
“Tell me” Will whispered. Finally she met his gaze, so much hurt in her eyes.
“Cardassians attacked us in the village square. He died in my arms. We were going to eat that was all”
“Laren-”
“It brought it all back, my Father..the camps”
“Oh Laren I’m sorry, I’ve got you” Will stroked her hair and tried to understand why his captain had picked Ro for this, it felt cruel.
“what the hell is going on here? Let her go!” a voice barked, Will lifted his head and found two distinctly suspicious people staring at him and Ro. Laren slipped from his arms with a warning look.
“Kalita its all right, this is-”
“I’m her husband, who the hell are you?” Will interjected, he grabbed Laren’s hand and stood in front of her.
“You didn’t tell us you were married Laren”
“I’ve been away” Will growled.
“Doing what?”
“That’s my business” Will snorted and deliberately turned his back, he stroked Ro’s face. “Are you okay? Do you know these people?”
“Yes I’m fine and I do know them, they’ve been helping me.”
“I’m sorry about your friend” he told her softly, but loud enough to ensure the hovering couple heard.
“I’m glad you are here” she kissed him, Will threw himself into it
“Are you going to introduce us?” Kalita again suspicious, but Will noticed her hand had dropped away from her concealed weapon.
“Oh course this is my husband-”
“Sito Belar, call me Bel” Will cut in holding out his hand to Kalita with a smile. The woman stared at his hand for a moment before shaking it.
“So Bel, what do you do.”
“He is a pilot, a pretty amazing one” Laren’s fingers tightened round his, message was clear; time for him to shut up. Kalita appeared to come to a decision.
“Bring him, but watch him. Ro he is your responsibility.”
“i see you have made some charming friends while I was away.”
“They grow on you”
“So I’m an amazing pilot?”
“shut up Bel”

Chapter Text

“These new friends of yours are not very trusting” Will paced around the small octagonal room he and Ro had been left in, while her Maquis friends discussed his fate. He hated being shut in.
“Well they have reason to be, good reasons”
“I suppose they do.” Will forced himself to stop pacing and took a moment to look at Ro. Tension in every line of her face and body, arms folded on the defensive. Will tried a reassuring smile “are you okay”
“You shouldn’t have come”
“I know the risks Laren” Will smiled at her “Come here” he held open his arms. after a moments hesitation she folded herself against his chest. Will held her tight, stroked her hair felt her muscles start to relax. “I’ve got you”
“you are an asshole” An exasperated murmur, followed by a playful slap on his chest.
“I know”
“So, what’s our cover” Will grinned as her tongue flicked against his earlobe.
“we have been together a couple of years just got married, met on Bajor. I was your pilot during an undercover op.” Will replied quickly, catching the sound of voices outside the door. Ro’s expression told him she heard it too.
“Then you better kiss me again and make it convincing”
“That is not a problem” Will cradled her face between his hands, let himself fall into those deep brown eyes “Beautiful.”
“Save the flattery” Her mouth smashed into his with teeth rattling force, mutual passion acknowledging this could be the last time that death might be waiting outside of the door. It was easy to dismiss the world outside and the voices that grew louder with each passing second; an irritated cough interrupted them.
The reluctance which Will let go of Ro’s hips wasn’t feigned, her hand caught his interlacing their fingers firmly. Kalita stood in the doorway with her fellow cell members, the look gracing her face was disdainful suspicious. Will squared his shoulders. “What’s the verdict?” eyed the taller of the two guards as he edged behind him, there was a short screch as a chair was dragged across the floor.
“Sit down” a growl from Kalita accompanied by a meaningful wave from her blaster. Slowly, Will did as he was told, not breaking eye contact hoping Kalita saw the defiance in his eyes. “Ro over by the wall” another wave of the blaster.
“Kalita is this necessary?” Ro started forward half a step, grip tightening round his fingers.
“Yes”
“it’s okay Laren” Will whispered, her fingers clutched at his for a moment longer then let go. Will let himself meet her bleak gaze with a lightening quick smile. “nothing to worry about.” Kalita nodded and another chair was produced, sheathing her weapon she sat down. The other guard handed over a padd, which she examined in silence. Will shifted in his chair prepared to go down fighting if necessary.
“So Bel...you check out on paper” Kalita tossed the padd to one side and leaned forward suspicion glittering in her eyes. “But tell me where have you been”
“That is none of your business”
“it became my business as soon as you set foot here” Kalita stood up.
“Bel tell her what she needs to know” Laren advised him softly, Will risked a glance at her. She looked scared, terrified even. Will nodded at her.
“It’s okay Laren” Will stared at his adversary trying to judge what she would accept. He decided appealing to her emotions was the best strategy “i was trying to find out what happened to my niece”
“Your niece?” he had piqued Kalita’s interest, he could tell.
“she joined starfleet. A couple of months ago I got word that she..that she died. I wanted to to know what happened”
“What was her name?”
“Jaxa.”Will breathed the name out, it hurt still and he didn’t like using the kids memory in this way.
“What happened?”
“I don’t know everything, only that they used her”
“they?”
“starfleet, some undercover mission involving the Cardassians. She died alone.”
“I’m sorry”
“Are we done here? Or do you have more questions” Will stood up “can I leave?” he held out his hand to Laren.
“We will need to check your story, Don’t leave the village.”
“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere without Laren. I made a promise” A nugget of truth in the tissue of lies. Laren took his hand and squeezed it.
“Come on I’ll show you round.”

“These are good people” Will sighed softly as they walked through the village square.
“I told you” Ro squeezed his hand. “be quiet a minute, ears everywhere.”it was impossible to completely quench her annoyance with Will. Why had Picard choose him? He could have sent anyone. She lead him through the sparse crowd and up a staircase to a mezzanine that ran under along the eaves.
“There has to be another way. May be I could talk to the captain.”
“I tried, believe me. And it’s not just him it’s starfleet intelligence, they don’t want to hear an alternative.”
“Peace by any means” Will growled, his hand slapped against the wall.
“I can’t do this” Ro rested her arms against the edge of the balustrade. Down below in the square people bustled about. Sitting at tables in the low light, laughing, talking. Sudden remembered pain closed her throat, “You don’t know what it is to be forced from your home.”
“He shouldn’t have asked you, it’s cruel.”
“I don’t think he sees it that way.”
“Laren look at me” gentle fingers tipped her head back. “I promised, I would look after you. I promised I would bring you home. But you have to decide where that is.” Will was visibly torn, trying to find a way out best for everyone. Laren doubted there was one this time it wouldn’t just be her career that was over.
“Do you still love me?”
“You told me not to say that again”
“Maybe I need to hear it, Maybe I was wrong.”
“you wrong?” Will let out a dark chuckle.
“I love you” that snapped Will’s mouth shut, he blinked at her then let out a sigh. Laren started to step away, feeling foolish. Will caught her arm.
“I never stopped” a rushed whisper accompanied by a look in those eyes that kicked her in the heart.“What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know. Something stupid.” his fingers stroked along her jaw. She caught his hand and kissed the knuckles. “You really should not be here” Laren wondered if Will understood how messy this could get.
“But I am. What do you need from me?”
“Just trust me, what ever happens.”
“Alright” his Adams apple bobbed up and down, “but I meant what I said, I won’t leave you.” his earnest expression made her smile.
“come on”
“Where are we going?”
“My room” she gently flicked his dangling earring. “i like this look on you”
“Oh” Realisation dawned a wicked promising grin curving his lips. “I suppose we should maintain our cover” Will’s voice dropped an octave or two, it made her heart race.
“Well we are married.”

Chapter Text

“So this is your room” Will said softly as Laren pushed the door closed.
“Yes” Her heart was starting to hammer against her ribs, the click of the old fashioned key was very loud. Turning round Ro watched Will pace to the window wondering where the sudden nervousness bubbling in her belly was coming from. This was Will, for prophets sake. Will who probably knew her better than anyone else.
“Nice view” There was a shaky note to his voice, Laren realised she wasn’t the only one who was anxious.
“What’s wrong?” It was hard to cross the floor and stand next to him. Will’s hands were clenched behind his back, standing to quivering attention staring at the far distant mountains. “Come on Will, it’s me” A soft sigh and the rigid shoulders slumped.
“Why does it feel like you are saying goodbye to me.” Barely audible words, as if he didn’t really want the answer. Ro had no response, how could she answer that? She couldn’t lie, there had never been lies between them. She avoided Will’s gaze fastened her eyes on Ronara’s twin moons as they crested the horizon. “Laren you can’t even look at me”
“Because I am saying goodbye” The truth dissolved the tension hanging between them. Snagging Will’s chin, turning his face towards her so their eyes met. “but, not yet”
“And when you do?” Utter misery in his gaze, Laren didn’t trust her voice enough to answer tears stinging her eyes. Fingertips brushed her cheek, Will’s chest shuddered. “Right, okay I understand.” desperate lips found hers, she grabbed at his face holding him not wanting to let go.
“I love you, don’t forget that” she kissed him again, slowly this time. Let her hands grip his shoulders, tongue dancing up his neck as his arms tightened around her.
“Laren” her name little more than a soft entreaty, then strong fingers caught her jaw and she was drowning in those eyes. “i love you” soft whispered words that hit her in the chest like a phaser blast. Even now, when they had nothing but a little time, he still meant it.
“Take your shirt off” the suggestion prompted a shy familiar smile. Will dragged the offending garment off his back. Ro trailed her fingers down his chest, pressed her hand against the beat of his heart, felt its odd human thump strengthen at her touch. Breath catching in her throat she shrugged out of her own clothes and wrapped her arms around his waist. Hot breath on her neck raising goosebumps. Last time, this was the last time. The knowledge caused a deep ache somewhere in her Pa made her grasp Will tighter, kiss him harder. He responded in kind hands gripping her shoulder blades, hungry mouth travelling across her skin.
Her breath caught in her throat, Will’s roving tongue sending need rolling down her spine, intensifying with every touch of those soft lips as they worked their way between her breasts. “yes” naked need in that groan, but she was past caring; prophets she wanted him. Her hips quivered dampness between her legs, already wet anticipating that first lightening touch of his tongue. Will dropped to his knees, hands slipping deliciously over already hot skin to grip her hips. Laren clutched at his hair, he was looking up at her smiling, waiting. “please” the grin grew wider, then his face was pressing against her belly tongue delicately grazing her clit. Her hips jerked stoking the hot wet fire burning at the base of her belly. She gripped his hair harder thrust her self against his mouth. More shivers as his fingers caressed the inside of her thigh, pushing her legs further apart. She threw her head back and groaned as his fingers slipped inside, his tongue rubbing against her clit, beard rough on her thighs. Her legs trembled, she couldn’t keep her balance, Wills hands guided her to the floor. The stone tiles a delicious shock to her fevered skin. Will pushed her legs further apart, she looked down. Will still smiling one hand stroking his rock hard cock.
“i want to taste you, lie down” he blinked at her, smile turning into a dirty elated grin.
“Okay” Will obliged throwing himself down on the floor. Laren crawled up his body, kissed the grin. Then worked her way back down, sucking his nipples until they grew hard against her tongue. “Oh god” Will’s hands in her hair as she trailed her lips down his sternum, stomach quivering as she let her tongue slide downwards. Teasingly her mouth found first his hip then his inner thigh. Will squirming and moaning under her touch, just made the ache worse. ‘i want to forget’ forget it was the last time, just lose herself.
Laren paused and turned round swinging a leg over Will’s chest straddling his neck, feeling his hot breath between her legs. Gently she gripped his stiff cock and brushed her lips against the silky smooth head, tasting salt. His body went taunt and hands pulled her down on to his tongue, slipping deep inside, fucking her.
Encouraged she wrapped her lips around his cock sucking hard, while her fingers travelled up and down the thick familiar thick slippery length of him. Squeezing the base the way he liked, all the time his busy tongue teasing at her, building the fire in her belly. Laren started to come, felt her muscles bunch in anticipation of release. Will redoubled his efforts, sucking at her clit, tongue darting in and out. Laren let go, let herself sink into the waves pulsing through her, getting stronger with each peak.
Will lifted her, hands guiding her to sprawl on the floor. “Had enough?” his voice thrummed in her ear. Laren caught his face between her hands.
“Don’t be stupid”
“Good” His cock rode against her clit for a moment, then slipped inside. It triggered one last wave, a tsunami that dragged them both along. Will rode it with her, matched her thrust for thrust. They came together a hot wet pulse that erased everything
At least for a moment.

Laren rolled out of bed as the sun started peaking over the horizon. A grey pre-dawn glow flooded through the window throwing everything into sharp relief. Will was a sleeping statue; arms thrown above his head, legs tangled in the sheets. Beautiful, but broken, even if she was the only one who could see the cracks. She wished she could just let him sleep, put off what was coming. If it wasn’t for Will she would go to Kalita and tell her the truth. Take what ever punishment the Maquis deemed necessary. But what would they do to Will? Yes they were good people, but a Starfleet officer was a liability they could not afford.
She watched him sleep for a moment or two longer, trying to burn this moment into her memory. Then reached out and shook Will’s shoulder. “Time to get up”
“nope” Will’s eyes opened a crack then closed again, he turned over bunching the pillow under his head. Laren couldn’t help smiling, she sat on the edge of the bed and trailed her fingertips down his spine.
“come on, up.”
“i really need a proper vacation” Will grumbled as he sat up.
“me too.” She kissed him gently.
“maybe when we get back, we can go to Risa” there was another question in his voice.
“Maybe” The silence that followed was heavy with unspoken words, Will squeezed her hand.
“I got you something when we stopped at DS9” Will fumbled in his jacket and extracted a soft leather pouch he held it out hand shaking. “I was going to give it to you, but I kept putting it off and then you left” he shook the bag, “please take it.”
“what is it?” Curious and unable to hide a smile Laren took it from his outstretched fingers.
“just open it” Will sat down on the bed hands dangling between his knees, attention focused on the floor.
“Okay” Ro pulled the drawstring, and tipped the bag up. A bright silver chain slithered on to her palm. one end held a delicate ear cuff of twisted gold and silver wire, the other an earring in the shape of a starburst. Her breath caught in her throat.
“this is a D'ja pagh”
“Yeah”
“Why are you giving it to me now”
“Because I bought it for you.”
“you know what this means, giving me this?”
“Yeah, I know” One bright wretched flash of his eyes and his gaze returned to the floor.
“I can’t take this” she held out her palm Will made no move to take the bright thing from her.
“take it to remember us.” Ro sat down with a sigh.
“Were you really going to ask me?”
“What would you have said?”
“I don’t know how to answer that.” That got her a rueful smile. Slowly Laren unclipped her earring and slipped the new one into it’s place. The old one she folded into Will’s palm and kissed him soundly. “Sun’s coming up, we better get moving”
“Not yet” Will whispered in her ear and pulled her into his lap.
“I suppose Kalita can wait” she stroked her fingers across his cheek.
“Laren what are we going to do?”
“Do you trust me?”
“Yeah.”
“Then trust me.” somehow she would keep him out of this that was one promise she could keep. She would take the choice away from all of them Starfleet, the maquis and Will, it would be her decision and nobody would die; at least not today.

“we are getting close to the border” Will sighed, “what’s our play?”
“Just follow my lead.”
“Alright” Will didn’t sound happy, there was a rough edge to his voice. Ro sneaked a brief glance saw his jaw twitch in annoyance and knew that the lack of control was starting to get to him.
“Squad leader to all ships.” Santo's voice a reminder of the other ships in their small fleet.
“Go ahead, squad leader.” Ro strove to keep her voice calm, adrenaline starting to kick in.
“We'll be crossing the border in less than one minute. Arm your weapons.”
“Acknowledged.” Ro cut the connection.
“Are sure you want to do this” Will asked in a low voice. Ro couldn’t make her self answer him, she rubbed her suddenly sweaty palms on her pant legs and just nodded. Will raised an eyebrow “Starfleet can't make its move until we're out of the Demilitarised Zone. We're to break formation and take cover in the Nebula as soon as they appear.”
“The ships in the convoy are raising their shields. They've spotted us.”
“We cross the border in thirty seconds.” Will warned attention entirely consumed by piloting the shuttle. Ro bit her lip and reached for the phaser she had secreted under her console. Then danced her fingers across the controls locking Will out and initiating an algorithm she had prepared for this moment. No turning back now.
“What the-” Frowning Will lifted his hands from the console and then froze, comprehension dawning when he saw the drawn phaser.
“I'm sorry. I can't let this happen.”
“what are you doing?”
“firing a low frequency particle beam in to the nebula”
“That will make our ships visible, clever.”
“Nobody has to die today Will, that's worth something.”
“we’re still going to get court martialled”
“Ro, why are you firing?” Santos’ voice interrupting before she could answer, keeping the phaser trained on Will in case he sensed her intentions she hit the com button.
“Scan the nebula, There's a Starfleet attack force hiding inside it.” There it was done, Ro let out a breath.
“I see it! Squad leader to all ships. Abort the mission. Repeat, abort the mission.”
“Laren what are you doing.”
“Only way to save us both and all of them.” she tilted her head “Alpha Seven to Alpha Nine.”
“Go ahead.” Kalita responded, Ro wandered for a second what the Maquis would do with her. Will just stared at her, a sick look in his eyes.
“Stand by to beam me aboard.”
“Standing by.”
“You can take this ship back to the Enterprise.”
“You're going with them!” disbelief in his tone, disappointment too. It hurt this saying goodbye stuff, tears stung her eyes.
“It's been a long time since I really felt like I really belonged somewhere. Could you tell Captain Picard something for me?”
“Of course. What is it?”
“Tell him I'm sorry.”
“So long, Ro. Take care of yourself.”
“Goodbye, Will.” She paused, wanting to say more, but what else was there. They had already said everything “Energise.”

Will went to Picard’s ready room as soon as he docked the maquis ship in the Enterprise’s shuttle bay. The Captain was sat at his desk, reading something on his monitor. He didn’t deign to look at his first officer for a while, when he finally did the utter fury of his stare snapped Will to instinctive attention, ‘oh fuck’
“Where is lieutenant Ro” Picard asked mildly, the words dropping like coffin nails into Will’s future career prospects. Will’s throat went dry, he scrabbled around for the right words.
“she pulled a phaser on me, beamed to another ship” the truth sort of, Will pulled himself further to attention, dared to meet the captains eyes.
“and you made no attempt to stop her?” Picard skewered him with an unflinching stare that clearly said ‘are you lying?’
“it happened fast” he took a breath.“Ro told me to tell you she was sorry.” Will muttered failing to hide the bitterness in his tone. Picard didn’t react.
“And that’s all she said.”
“Yes sir” Picard expression grew stony, Will took a breath “She seemed very sure that she was making the right choice. I think her only real regret was that she let you down.” Will glanced down at the Padd in his hand “Here's my report.” carefully he put it down on the desk, Picard made no move to take it. Will left, taking the captains angry silence for dismissal.
He stood on the bridge for a moment looking at Ro’s station then headed for the turbo lift wanting to get away from the crews curiosity,.”deck eight” he wanted his quarters, wanted to be alone maybe scream at the walls. But Deanna had followed him into the turbo lift.
“Will what happened and where is Ro” she demanded as the lift doors snapped shut.
“Ro stayed with the Maquis” Will turned away stared at the wall. “she pulled a phaser on me”
“i see”
“not my worst break up” A stupid bitter quip that just dropped out of his mouth before he could stop it.
“Will I’m sorry” He flinched away from the tentative touch of her fingers on his shoulder. The lift doors opened.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Deanna”
“Will-”
“I’m fine” he forced another fake smile. “I’ll be okay”
“I don’t believe you” Deanna grabbed his arm and hauled him back into the lift. “I’m taking you to dinner”
“I’m not hungry”
“Well I am. Ten Forward” she snapped at the lift. “besides I don’t think you really want to be alone right now” she threaded her arm through his.
“you know me too well” Will sighed and gave in, incapable as always of lying to her. “you’re right, Imzadi. I really don’t want to be alone.” Deanna smiled softly at the old name.
“then you don’t have to be.”

Chapter Text

It was very late when Will finally allowed himself time to grieve “Laren” he whispered her name out loud for the first time in thirty odd years. Breathed it out, let the memories come hurtling back, grief sharpened their edges. Fierce, brave with that smile like a sunbeam. Beautiful, just as broken as himself. Those giddy few months they had been together, sneaking around they had been so damn young, so stupid. He could remember loving her, remember the way she would bite down on her thumb when she was thinking hard. The steel that glittered in her eyes when they clashed.
Laren was gone, an old pain hurt his heart, old secrets too. Secrets there was no point keeping any-more.

“Will?” Admiral Picard seemed surprised to see him.
“I wondered if you had a moment to talk”
“Of course come in” Picard waved him inside and sat down he smiled and held up a padd, “still going through Ro’s investigation, it makes for worrying reading”
“Yes I know” Will couldn’t stand to look at his friend. He crossed to the window and stared out at the warp distorted stars instead. “Jean-Luc I have to tell you something” he paused words stuck in his throat.
“well spit it out Will we are not getting any younger.”
“Earlier you said you didn’t know what Laren meant to you”
“I did yes”
“i can tell you what she meant to me” Will turned round Jean-Luc stayed silent just watched him, “all those years ago I was in love with Ro.”
“What” genuine surprise from Picard, which made Will want to laugh.
“you really had no idea?”
“no, you two fought like tigers over everything” Picard shook his head the ghost of a nostalgic smile twitching his lips.
“well we still clashed. Its just later I would go to her quarters and apologise.”
“I see, startling as this new information is Will, what are you actually trying to tell me?” Picard seeing straight through him as always.
“i knew she wasn’t going to complete the mission.” it felt good to finally let go of thirty years of silence.
“You let her go”
“I tried to persuade her to stay. But she was right to do what she did and I loved her for that.” Will sat down next to Picard, who rubbed his eyes and took a breath.
“Will you were right. I should never have sent her on that mission. On some selfish level I was testing her”
“I think she passed”
“indeed, I was just too stubborn to see it at the time. What do we do now Will?”
“we do the right thing. However much it hurts.”
“For Laren then”

"so long Ro"