Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Alright Kawaii-chan, I’m heading out!”

Nana turned her head from her spot in the kitchen. Katelyn was heading out to go hang with Travis for a while, she remembered. They always did this on Saturday evenings, at least ever since they all returned to the street. Shaking her head, Nana grins at Katelyn and calls out.

“Okay. Have fun, Katelyn,” she giggled. “But not too much fun!”

Katelyn turned around and gave her friend a smirk. “I should say the same to you.”

Nana blushed heavily. She was busy making cupcakes, so of course, she had texted Zane to see if he wanted to come over and eat some with her when she finished. Thinking back to it now, she should’ve been more discreet about it, especially since Katelyn caught her giggling off and on at some of Zane’s texts throughout the afternoon.

Katelyn chuckled at Nana’s expression and, with one more goodbye, she turned the knob and walked out the front door. Nana sighed and continued with her deserts. She was just about done with her batter (strawberry, Zane’s favorite), so she bent down and reached for a cupcake pan in the cabinet below her. Setting it on the table, she turned the oven to 350 degrees and began pouring the mixture into the molds. As a practiced baker, she made sure not to overfill the molds to where the batter would rise over. When she was satisfied, she opened up the oven door and placed the cupcakes in the center, and finally took a deep breath as she closed it back up.

Nana patted her hands against her aprons before she heard her phone ping. She looked at her screen and noticed it was a text from Zane, letting her know that he was on his way. She smiled. Suddenly, she noticed that her clothes had gotten pretty messy throughout her baking process and huffed. Nana ran up the stairs and grabbed some fresh clothes out of her closet, then proceeded to walk towards the bathroom.

She turned on the lights and set her clothes down next to the sink. Untying her apron and hanging it up on the shower rod, she gently began to lift up her shirt. When she looked in the mirror however, she stopped. Nana gazed downward and noticed the now pinkish scar that ran from her left shoulder to her stomach. She grazed her finger against the tainted skin and pressed the tip of her nail against it as she dragged the appendage down. She scowled. Disgusting, she thought to herself.

She then let her hands wander to her waist, to her thighs, to her breasts, to her face. Anywhere. Nothing felt right. Her legs shook as a few tears seeped from her eyes and her vision grew blurry. All she could see were the memories that flashed against her fluttering eyelids.

“Nana!”

Knocks pounded against the bathroom door. She jumped, then quickly registered the voice as Zane as she let out a shaky sigh. She always forgot about the spare key she gave him.

“Nana, are you okay?” He asked. No response.

“I know you’re there, Nana. Let me in, please.”

Shakily pulling her shirt down, she walks towards the door and lets her boyfriend in, albeit a little hesitantly. As soon as he steps in, he gently grasps her hands and lifts them to his chest. He grips tighter, trying to get her to look into his eyes.

“Talk to me.”

Nana says nothing. She feels a chill come over her and she slowly drops to the bathroom floor. Zane follows her, resting his hands in her shoulders.

After a few minutes of waiting for any type of response, he shuffles closer to her and embraces her from behind, slightly rocking her back and forth. Eventually, she mutters a few words.

“...I’m sorry you have to deal with me.”

Zane moves his head forward so that she’ll see him in her peripheral vision. “Don’t apologize. You’re no one’s burden.”

She turns towards him, still not meeting his eyes. “But I am. You’re sitting here right now just watching me nope around. You could be doing something else right now.”

“Nana, you’re always worth it. I’m not going anywhere.” He hugs her closer. “You’re beautiful just how you are.”

“Look at me!” She lifts up her shirt to reveal her scar once more as more tears begin to fall. “Look at this scar. I see this and...a-and everything else that never fit every day and I just-“

Zane grabs her face and presses their foreheads together. He feels her wet cheeks against his own. “Everyone has flaws. We can sit here and hate them til the day we die and never forgive ourselves. We can embrace them for what they are and recognize that they make us who we are.”

Zane opens his eyes and notices Nana finally returning his gaze. He removes his mask and gives her a small smile, and proceeds to swipe his hair away from his right eye. “You see this scar over my eye?” Nana nods. “Do you think I’m ugly because of it?”

Her eyes widen as she leans back. “No, of course not!”

“Thanks,” Zane chuckles. “It’s taken me a long time to see that for myself.”

Nana sighs and smiles tiredly. “I know what you’re doing.”

“Yeah, I know.” He leans back against the wall behind him. “Look, it’s gonna take a while for you to come to terms with yourself. Trust me. But I still want you to know that you’re wonderful. Scars and everything else.”

“Thanks, Zane.” She snuggles up to him and hugs him again. “I hope I’ll believe you wholeheartedly one day. But seriously, thank you for this.”

“No problem, Nana.”

As soon as Nana settled more comfortably in Zane’s hold, she gasped and quickly jumped to her feet. “Oh no, Zane, the cupcakes! I completely forgot!”

Zane grinned. “Don’t worry, I turned off the oven as soon as I sensed something was off. Do you really think I would let my favorite dessert go to waste?”

Nana giggled lightly. “No, I guess not.”

“C’mon, let's go downstairs and bake them together.”

She looked at his hand at her side once he stood up and intertwined it with hers. “Okay.”