Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

They just moved in. They smiled, talking to each other about how fun this year here will be. The leader of the villainous household stepped out of the crowd a turned to them. "Alright, friends. We have a house to make ours and a new neighborhood to wander about. Now, first things first, introduce yourselves to the families we'll be living around." 

The blonde in a suit walked over with the two pink haired men, one in a cut out sweater the other in a shirt that really revealed him, to the house on their right. The leader and his dark skinned friend stepped towards the first house with the purple haired man following behind. Both the purple haired guy and the leader held umbrellas above them, protecting them from sun rays. All while the remaining three gone into their new home. 

Both parties knocked on their respective doors. 

The door for the left house opened. The person who opened the door was a teen in a hat. He didn't say anything until after looking at all of them, then he sighed. The teen looked back into the house, and shouted. "Gramps! The neighbors are here!" Soon enough a young looking man happily stepped over to the door. 

"Thank you, Jotaro." The teen known as Jotaro grunted in response to the man who responded to Gramps, though not looking the part. "Good morning, neighbors! Who might you fine fellows be?" 

"I'm Dio, this is-" Dio was quickly cut off by the dark skinned guy. 

He cleared his throat. "My name is Enrico Pucci. If you need any assistance with the lord, I may aide you." 

"I'm Kars." The purple haired one smirked. 

"Well, Dio, Enrico, Kars, welcome to the neighborhood! I'm Joseph Joestar and this is the Joestar Residence." A few people passed by but a woman stopped and smiled. "Oh, Holly, this a few of the new neighbors. Like your household, we have quite a few in this house too!" 

"Ohayou gozaimasu! Or as one would say in English, good morning!" 

Soon enough a few younger looking people rushed over to the new family. A boy with a pompadour, a blonde guy, a girl with black and green hair, and that same hat fuck. Why we already despise this Jotaro kid? We're honestly not sure ourselves. He just gives off some vibes that we really don't care for. 

"Buongiorno, new friends. I'm Giorno." The blonde put his hand for Dio to shake. Dio gadly shook it. 

The pompadour kid smiled. "I'm Josuke!" He waved. 

"I'm Jolyne!" The green and black haired chick winked. 

The Joestars that were introduced looked at Jotaro. "Yare yare daze, I'm Jotaro. Welcome to the neighborhood." 

Joseph smirked. "That's everyone. I hope everything goes well this year together." 

- Time Skip Brought to You By: Vampires and Co. next door - 

When they all entered their home, they found a dusty, cobweb-filled, living room. "This is... something else..." The blonde man in the suit's eye twitched, feeling as though him and his cat wouldn't like this. 

"I know Kira, it's a fixer-upper, but isn't it beautiful when looking past the dust and cobwebs? I'd say this house is perfect for us." Dio stared in wonder at the room with the fireplace and Victorian wallpaper. To him it was gorgeous, but to Kira and Pucci, it was something that required a lot of work to fix. 

It's quite a house, but Dio has a point, it's perfect for them. 

"Esidisi? Do you think this house is safe?" The redhead with two black horns asked with a serious facial expression and tone. 

Esidisi, the one with white hair, nodded. "I believe so Santana, it makes me feel safer by the second." Santana tried to relax since his older friend said so.

The lighter blonde in a dark cyan crop top looked at his friend and wondered before asking. "Kars, what might you think about this new home?" 

"Well, Wamuu," Kars paused. Wamuu knew his answer before Kars could even say. "It's perfect." Damn, Wamuu thought he would say the opposite. Though Wamuu thought it couldn't be worse, he knew even if he wanted out, he couldn't. He couldn't leave such a charismatic man and his family. 

The pink haired boy in a purple cut out sweater looked his pink haired friend in the eyes as the man's green eyes pierced his. "Doppio, you're staring... Does that mean you want a kiss?" The pink haired friend smirked. 

Doppio blushed at his previous boss. "Yes, Boss, if I may..." 

"Call me Diavolo..." Doppio closed his eyes when seeing Diavolo close the distance, but opened his eyes when feeling a pair of lips kiss his forehead. Diavolo backed up and smiled. "There you go." Doppio forced a smile and thanked him. 

"Okay lovebirds... let's get to cleaning." Dio said before a cleaning sequence shown as music played in the background. 

(Just imagine the villains dusting, mopping, etc. while listening to something like Maniac by Michael Sembello) 

- Time Skip Brought to You By: She's a maniac, maniac on the floor... - 

"It's clean at last. Now, Killer Queen, you can come down." The pink cat that was on the shelf dropped down. Kira scratched behind her ear and gave her compliments, earning purrs from the feline. 

Dio smiled to himself. Cats were superior to Dogs so he enjoyed hearing how good the strange-colored cat was. "Well now that it's clean we should bring out our friends and see how much they like it." Dio pulled out a tarot card from his pocket, setting on the freshly swept and mopped floor (Good thing it's dry). 

*Poof* 

Out of the card and yellow smoke came a muscular man with blond hair, a gold tank top, and baggy pants. His belt buckle was shaped like a heart, and on the back of his neck was the words 'The World' tattooed from shoulder to shoulder. 

This Stand, known as The World, raised his eyebrow and stared at Dio. "Would you like to see my room?" Dio asked. 

.

..

...

"Of course." He mumbled with his deep voice. 

Dio smirked. "That's my World." Dio picked up the card and ambled towards the master bedroom. 

When Dio left, Kira put a collar on Killer Queen. Once again... 

*Poof*

The pink smoke cleared and revealed a neko girl with a pink tail, ears, and hair. She wore black everything: heels, shirt, gloves, skirt. Her hair was in twin tails, and her gloves along with her shirt and heels had belts connecting certain parts. "Nya! I can't wait to see your room Kira!" 

Kira put on a smile like a proud dad. Yoshikage took the lead and went up one flight of stairs to his room. Once they entered, you could hear a squeal of approval. 

Pucci took out a disc, put it into a DVD player and (you know the drill).. 

*poof* 

Crawling out of the TV like the girl from the Ring, came a dude in a black collar and mask along with a hoodie and skinny jeans, but you can't forget about his boots or his white hair or even the fake black crown. He took out the disc and gave it to the normal looking man. 

"Let's check out my room, shall we, Whitesnake?" Enrico put his hand out and immediately it was taken by him. They gone up to the room across from Kira. 

*Poof* 

As soon as they went up the stairs Doppio and Diavolo rubbed a gem on a crown and suddenly a redheaded, green eyed, man in a red suit with black criss-crosses, stood up and let the crown fall onto his head. 

"Come on King Crimson!" Doppio smiled. 

"Let's go to our room." Diavolo looked at the King then gone up the stairs to their room. 

Kars, Santana, Esidisi, and Wamuu sighed. "Let's Go." Kars demanded, all walking up two flights of stairs to the attic. 

- End Scene -

Chapter Text

They were all doing their thing- Diavolo and Doppio chatted together, Dio sat on the couch watching an animal documentary with Kars, Santana was still in the attic, Esidisi and Wamuu talked at the table, and Pucci dusted. They didn't do much else until Kira opened the door when coming home from work. 

Dio turned off the TV, bringing Kars back to reality. Everyone turned to Kira when they heard the television shut off. "Kars, could you get Santana?" Dio asked politely. Kars immediately went up to the attic. 

.

.. 

...

"Put me down!" Santana shouted. Kars went down the stairs, holding Santana on his shoulder. Kars put the younger of the four pillar men on the couch, then sat on his bean bag. 

"Now that Kira is home, I have an idea to share." Dio began. Kira had an idea about what Dio was going to say. It was going to be something outrageous. "We are not normal, and if we continue our ways, our neighbors are going to see it. What we need to do is act normal, and what better way than a family tradition? We are going to try something called 'Family Game Night'." 

Silence... Was it from awe? Or disgust? Or even- 

"Okay. It's simple, all you have to do is play board games." Kira stepped towards the stairs before being stopped by Pucci's question. 

"Do we even have board games? The closest thing we have to a game is tarot cards but we don't have a full deck." Enrico asked simply. 

Kira didn't think about that. He wasn't the type to play games, he was the type to do work, so he sold his board games. "Well, we can always get some. It's not like we're too poor for it. Let's go to the store. Besides, I have things to pick up for me and my girlfriend." 

"Ooh, I didn't know you had a girlfriend!" Dio exclaimed. 

"Congratulations, you finally got one!" Doppio smiled from ear to ear. 

"Don't tell me it's the cat." Wamuu closed his eyes disapprovingly. 

Kira scoffed. "You all are so rude." Yoshikage began to put his work stuff back in his room then stopped. "She's human by the way." 

- - -

Getting dressed like normal people, which they obviously were not, and a few getting their parasols, led them out the door. Kira began to lead before Dio rushed to the front. "Let me." He smiled. As the leader of this group, Dio just HAD to lead. Dio started to walk in front of the Joestar house before he stopped. 

"Why'd you stop?" Kira spoken quietly, partially glaring at the captain. 

Dio smirked sweetly, as if he was in front of a lover of his. He appeared bold to the others, but to the cat lover, he looked like his title was "Super Stupid". "Where's the store?" The blonde vampire fluttered his eyelashes, holding the parasol between his jaw and shoulder while his hands held his knees as he crouched to be at eye level.

Kira sighed. "Just follow me." They continued, this time with Kira in the lead and Dio right behind. The villainous cast spoke to each other as they walked behind Kira. Dio started to strike up a conversation with Pucci, but Pucci immediately dismissed him. 

They looked around at their neighborhood, several houses and people were around the area. The homes on one side of the street had a bunch of friendly people- like that kid in a baseball player outfit around house number 1506, or the teen with a mostly shaved head and pompadour with the older blonde boy that has the braid. 

All that friendliness was enough to make some of the villains question this neighborhood. With those happy faces, it was hard to be in a bad mood. It's like the happiness was rubbing off on them while rubbing them the wrong way. Dio thought about it then shrugged. Kars was glancing around for squirrels that he saw on TV. Kira stayed serious, and continued leading. Doppio and Diavolo spoke back and forth with each other. Pucci strutted as if he wasn't a sucker for God. 

It was taking five-ever. Everyone, excluding Kira, wished it was right around the corner. Past the "For Sale!" homes, and past the other blocks, it took at least three minutes. Well, it would've taken three minutes but Kars found a squirrel and a hawk started following Dio. The hawk presumably got the chain holding it broke and flew away, looking for a new owner since it had a collar and purple scarf. What a fancy bird. 

But the bird may or may not be important. The hawk followed them all the way to the store, then waited by the door. The villain group stepped inside, Kars and the two older pillar men struggled a bit (especially Kars) Santana fit through perfectly though. 

The part of the group that was foreign to this place (that is totally not Wal-Mart) looked around in awe. They put away their parasols and held them by their sides. "Hi welcome to Wal-Mart!" A lady at the front said with a smile. 

As if the woman smashed a bottle and yelled "scatter!", they began walking around. Dio read the sign that said "woman's" and just HAD to see the panty section. Pucci joined him, hoping he wasn't doing what he thought he was doing. Diavolo and Doppio went to the technology section. Kars and Wamuu gone to the pet area. Esidisi and Santana went to the toy section. Leaving Kira alone. Yoshikage looked behind him and saw nobody. 

"This is just great. Everyone left faster than me saying 'Bite the Dust'." Kira spoke to himself. "Come on darling. Let's find them." He looked in his jacket pocket to speak to his girlfriend. 

- - -

Since Kira was going to the game area and it was right next to the toy section, Kira grabbed a few games and put it in the cart that he grabbed off screen. He heard the angsty teen's voice. "I don't want dolls, I want- wait that one is actually kinda cute... Can I have him?" Santana nearly shouted at first but his voice died down after he found the most handsome doll. 

Kira gone to the doll isle and saw the two- Esidisi was explaining how Kira would get it for him as Santana held a doll with blonde hair and blue eyes. The blonde cat lover coughed. "Come on you two, let's find the others." Santana slightly pouted like he REALLY wanted the doll. "Put it in the cart." The redhead thanked Yoshikage and put the doll in the cart. 

The three gone past the technology section but paused when seeing the pink haired boys looking at phones. They seemed to be agreeing on something, when Kira got closer, the men saw a figure of a manga character in Doppio's hands. 

"I could always get it for you. But I forgot my wallet." Diavolo explained before Doppio started looking glum. 

"How much is it?" Yoshikage's serious voice cut through to their ears. Doppio's face lit up from the darkness of the other's words. 

Doppio checked the price on the bottom and read it aloud. "Twenty dollars." Kira nodded to the cart, signaling him to put the figure in the cart. The pink haired boy done as he was "told", and set the manga character in the cart. 

"Now, where are those last few?" Kira asked himself. Suddenly, he remembered Kars' love for animals. To the pet section! 

The pink haired boys joined the party! 

They all moved forward to the pet section. Moving in different walks, past the fabric and sewing area, to that isle with supplies for small animals, reptiles, and fish. To their avail, they saw the long purple hair and short blonde hair of Kars and Wamuu. The isle also had Jolyne and Jotaro, looking at fish. 

Wamuu and Kars looked at the group, holding a play pen for small animals. "Put it in." Kira sighed. They done just that. "Now, where's the last two?" 

"No! I refuse to wear female underwear!" The group heard none other than Pucci, shouting about panties. "I am clearly a man!" 

"Why is a man shouting about underwear, dad?" Jolyne tried to contain her laughter. 

Jotaro smirked. "Good grief." 

Oh no. The villains thought and rushed to the feminine area. Once they got there, Esidisi covered Santana's eyes so that he couldn't see the- um- interesting area. But everyone else there could see, clear as day, Dio grinning while holding a thong and bra and Enrico blushing with wide eyes. 

"It would look great on you..." Dio spoke in a sing-song voice. 

"No it would not! Besides, that kind of underwear is so sinful!" 

"Would you prefer cheeky?" Pucci's blush darkened at the words that spilled from the blonde's mouth. 

Kira groaned. "Shut it. If he doesn't want it, leave it be. We have to buy this stuff, so let's go to check out." 

"Alright~" Dio sang. Enrico moved towards the check out. "Let's get it anyway." He whispered. 

"Fine but if I wake up to screams of terror, I'm throwing you out." Yoshikage threatened. Dio shrugged and followed Enrico after putting the underwear in the cart. Esidisi removed his hand from over Santana's eyes, and walked with the group. 

- - -

As the cashier scanned items, Kira couldn't keep his eyes off of her hands. The lady tried handing the bags to him, but he was too focused on her lovely, dainty hands. "Sir?" She asked, snapping him back to the real world. "Your bags." 

"Oh, thanks." He felt awkward but took the bags and paid up. "Have a nice day, Adrian." He took back his card then speed-walked to the door. 

"Ugh, Kira wait up!" Dio nearly stood for to long until realizing Kira was nearly out the door. The cashier giggled and smiled. 

Kars and the other pillar men followed. Enrico was close behind. "Thank you so much!" Doppio blushed. 

"Here's our number." Diavolo held out a piece of paper with numbers written on it for the lady to take. Before she could take it, Doppio snatched it away, then ran away. "Doppio, don't try to leave me!" He shouted and ran to the exit. 

The cashier sighed. "Cute, aren't they?" A Burger King worker spoke to the cashier. 

"Yeah, Aimi. They sure are." She responded. 

"Miss? Do you know where this address is? I'm not from around here." 

- - -

Once they got home, they immediately looked at the games Yoshikage got. Monopoly, Uno, The Game Of Life, etc. But one definitely caught their eyes. A game called Villainous. But (to avoid copyright) they played Uno. 

"Ok. We are not allowed to use our stands to cheat. That's the only rule I have." Kira set up the game by handing out seven cards to those who were playing. Santana played video games in the attic, Esidisi watched Santana play those games, Wamuu and Doppio cheered on their leaders, as the other five played Uno. "And to make sure we aren't cheating, they will be watching us play." 

Dio already knew what he would do. "The World!" The World came out of the card and stopped time. "Will you help me? All you have to do is stop time when someone I give you a signal." 

The World stared, then shook his head. "I refuse." 

"What?! No! I have to win!" The World resumes time after Dio exclaims. 

Kira put the collar on the pink housecat and Killer Queen appears. "Let's win this Kira!" 

Diavolo rubbed the gem and King Crimson stands behind him. "We got this." Diavolo and King Crimson both say in unison. 

Pucci puts the disc in the portable DVD player and crawling out of the screen was Whitesnake. Once he gets out, he sighs. "It sure was cramped in there..." 

Everyone looked at the cards that were handed out and the game was decided. A green nine. Dio was first, and he played a green seven. "Easy as that." He said cockily. 

"So, we have to match colors?" Kars asked. 

"You can match colors, or numbers. If you don't have a cards that match the number or color, then you draw from the deck until you get something to play or until you reach four cards." Kira explained. 

Kars nodded. "What does this card do?" He pulled out a plus four. Kira's eyes widened, knowing he was next. 

Dio burst out laughing. "If you play that card then the next person gets four cards and you change the color." He tried to stop the laughter by talking but he nearly coughed when doing so. "So, what are you going to do?" 

Kars hummed in thought, then he took a card. Before placing it down, or even where the others could see, he looked at Wamuu. "Of course, sir." Dio felt he knew what card he was going to place, so he smirked and crossed his arms. He would have the upper hand against the ever-so-lucky Yoshikage Kira. 

Kars soon placed the card after Wamuu gave the signal of approval. Or what I, the Narrator, like to call "The F*ck Yes Do it!" signal. Only be- oh sh*t. 

Dio, I'm sorry, but your prediction was incorrect. 

A blue seven. 

Dio looked at the card Kars placed, then at Kars, then back at the card, Kars, card- this could go on. 

But before you continue... 

Try saying "Kars Card" ten times fast. 

Ready? Cool. 

Dio saw what was going on. Kars was trying to get the turns reversed so he could play the plus four on Dio. But Kars didn't understand much about human culture, right? He only really understood animals. Dio thought to himself about how HE'S the ultimate being and how Kars shouldn't be called that. 

When he smirked, Kira knew what was going through the vampire's mind. I don't need to repeat. 

Kira's turn was a simple blue three. Killer Queen pouted. I know. I could've done worse. Kira thought to him and the Queen. 

"Oh! That one!" The younger pink haired boy pointed at a card and the older of the two placed it. The game continued and rage ensued until a winner was decided. The winner was Kira. Who wouldn't have guessed that the ever-so-lucky Yoshikage Kira would win? 

- End Scene - 

Chapter Text

A knock on the door wasn't too unusual. Most of the time it would be girl scouts, neighbors, even random people introducing them to the neighborhood. But today was quiet. No knocks. Well, until a car pulled into the unused driveway. 

Let's pretend we're following the car's passengers and NOT the house of villains! 

"Oh my! I love it! Do you think it will be a great home for us?" A woman with dark brown hair and a red sweater dress spoke to her spouse. 

The man chuckled then responded. "Why! Of course darling! This will be such a beautiful home for us and our future children! I can almost envision us..." 

OH GOD. 

Umm... Let's go back to the house. 

When hearing the door open on it's own, Doppio (who just so happened to be in the living room) freaked out. He thought the house was haunted and nearly screamed. He tried going towards the door but freaked out even more when seeing a couple. 

When the blonde man in pink sighed and said 'ta-dah!', Doppio screamed. The man's eyes opened up and he was startled to see a pink haired boy in his soon to be house. "What the?!" 

"What's going on Doppio?" Dio and Kira peaked out of their rooms while Pucci and Diavolo rushed to Doppio's side. Then they saw the intruder and got scared by the bland man. 

"Who are you and what are you doing here?!" Kira shouted. The new man and the businessman bickered. 

Pucci and Diavolo worried in different ways. "Doppio did you lock the door?" 

"I did! He unlocked the door and came in!" 

"He must have some kind of unlocking locks stand..." 

Dio growled. "Shut up! Everyone calm down! I'll solve this." Dio spoke as if the intruder wasn't there. "Sir. Who are you?" 

The blonde intruder crossed his arms. "I'm Funny Valentine. Who are you stowaways?" 

"We aren't 'stowaways'. We live here." Kira tried to continue asking questions but Doppio told the man his name. 

"I'm Vinegar Doppio!" 

... 

"As I said. We live here. Explain yourself." 

Funny looked at them and started. "We were moving in. I unlocked the door, and then Mr. Doppio screamed. Easy as that." They were the only ones who had the key, so how did he open the door? "Before you ask, I have the key as well. I presume you do too?" 

Kira pulled out the house key. "Of course I do. Once again, WE LIVE HERE." Yoshikage put emphasis on his repeated words. "Who gave you the key?" 

"The owner of this home, Robert Speedwagon." 

Press "x" to doubt. Kira was spamming the x button so hard. 

Press "a" to truth. Funny was, in fact telling the truth. 

They sat in silence for a while. Kira was wondering about what they should do with this weirdo. Funny was staring at Kira, waiting for an answer. Dio walked to the other blonde and whispered important things to him. 

"Ugh... Apparently we have another room open that you two can stay in. Dio, which room is it?" 

Dio knew exactly where. "There's a basement, it hasn't been claimed, and it comes from the living room. So you won't be coming out of another's area." Funny's eyes widened at the thought of it. 

"No. Absolutely not! I wouldn't want to live somewhere a vampire would live in!" Dio at first was enraged, but then realized that Funny didn't know the coincidence. How- dare I say- funny! 

"So will you live somewhere else then?" Kira's voice raised when he felt he knew what the foreigner would say. 

"Wait!" They stared at Dio. "As much as I hate to live in drab places, I will... 'take one for the team' and move my things into that... wretched room..." 

Funny clapped lightly. "Oh! How nice of you, Mr...?" 

"Brando. Dio Brando." He looks at the camera and winks... wait. WHAT?! 

Kira groans. Yoshikage knew that Dio was up to something. Dio, on the other hand, didn't have a clue as to why he moved into such a disgusting area of the house. "Well thank you men so very much!" The woman finally entered the conversation. 

"Oh! This is my first lady, Scarlet. I hope you, me and Scarlet, enjoy our time together and come to appreciate America as much as I do!" The last part was a little confusing but overall they got the message. 

- Time skip brought to you by: Two Americans packing their stuff in a house with "people" they have no idea about! -

"Ah, at last our stuff has been moved in! My love, this requires celebration..." He winks at Scarlet. 

"NO!" They all shout. 

"How sinful..." 

"That's weird..." 

"Ugh, eww..." 

"Human lust is so gross..." 

"Why can't I do something like that..?" 

They all muttered to themselves. Mostly about how gross it was, but Dio needed answers. But we won't talk about that. 

"Fine. we won't do that, at least until everyone is asleep." Everyone tried to hold back the vomit that came from the idea of two strangers doing... IT. "Do you have any games to play? We can be brought together by it. Or maybe some hunting? Do you guys have stands?" Funny kept asking questions, inquiring to "bring them together". 

This is going to be a long night... 

- End Scene -

Chapter Text

At night, when Santana was alone, he would read teen magazines. He didn't find the human male's magazines interesting so he read the female ones. He didn't understand it very much but he continued reading to find out how regular humans felt. 

Dio gave him the idea; he remembered the time clearly. 

"Here. Read these. You have to act normal so maybe reading these would make you act like a regular teen." 

"Why? Because you look like a teen and we need to act normal for others!" 

So he read all the boy ones, because his sex was male. But, like I said earlier, he didn't care for them. They were about sports, and stupid stuff. He wanted to get a girlfriend so he thought that maybe reading about women would help. 

He only read them at night so that no one would know. He threw them away on the day he got them so that Dio thought he wouldn't read them. But, later on, he took them out and read away. 

So tonight, he continued to read. He got to a page. "How to impress a Boy" He already had an idea of how, so he skipped the page. The next one was makeup tips, then clothing ideas, everything a girl should have, blah blah blah.. 

He decided to go back and read that dumb page. Why not how to impress girls? Oh well. I guess they don't know that boys can read this. He read it word for word, line after line. 

Maybe I could make a friend like this... 

- Time skip brought you by: Little Santana just want to make a friend -

Morning. That's when humans wake up. So when morning came and sun shown up, he got dressed in regular attire and grabbed his parasol. 

"Where are you going?" Kars asked before Santana set foot out the door. "Especially without sunscreen." 

Santana groaned but kept his mouth shut when thinking about that time when he told Kars his thoughts. He told him once that no sunscreen can prevent him from burning. Kars immediately grounded him for it. No television for a week. 

Kars put some sunscreen on his nose, then walked away. He gave a signal before going towards the attic; a signal that told Santana that he can go now. 

Once he exited the home and shut the door behind him, he rubbed the sunscreen off. If some cool guy saw him with sunscreen (ONLY ON HIS NOSE) they would probably think he's a coward or a stupid vampire, but there are more chances of being called a coward.

Once he got off the porch and past the driveway, he decided he would look around the neighborhood. He knew that the Joestar residence is filled with boring protagonist-like people, so he decided to adventure to the other side of the block.

1508 had a family having a picnic, wearing their swim attire. How weird. The only normal ones were a girl with pink hair, and a boy in a sailor style- only because they wore regular clothes in this irregular neighborhood. 

1507 had a handicapped man in a wheelchair and (presumably) his friend who sat in a rocking chair next to him. A man in a jockey outfit was flirting up a storm with a girl who had pink hair. That's probably a no go too. 

1506 came with the boy with the baseball player outfit, a man with a fuzzy hat and horns, a man with long pink hair daydreaming, a lady with medium hair looking at her phone, and a girl sipping on a super big gulp filled with water. They look cool but, let's look some more. 

1505 had a man with lilac hair and a man with a black bob sitting and talking, a man with a hat and a boy with messy hair running around, shouting and shooting each other with squirt guns, and lastly, a boy reading with a girl looking in a mirror (maybe she's adjusting her makeup). 

1504 came with a LOT of people. They had an outdoor table and a chef who was barbequing. One with a mostly shaved pomp and a man with a blonde braid talked, two small boys talked to- wait- THE FAMOUS MANGA ARTIST?! Also a few other's but hey, they don't matter. 

1503 had three men and a dog. There was one with cherries playing mobile games, one with a tall flat top talked with an Egyptian man who held the dog on his lap. They seem cool. 

1502 had a man with a blonde flat top talking to a younger blonde man and a woman with shades and a cigarette. They look cool too!

And last but not least. There was 1501 which had two men sitting by an outdoor table, sipping on wine, eating salted sandwiches, and trying on each other's hats while a little kid ran around. A woman with blonde hair watched with a smile. 

Time to think about which one to see! 

7 and 8 have weirdos, so no. 1 has a cool family thing going so they probably wouldn't care. 3 and 5 seem too cool for me. 4 feels like a family reunion so going there would be bad. So 2 and 6. 

He began stepping over to 1506. "Hey, uh, you guys look cool... Can I hang out with you guys and maybe become your friend?" It sure was hard talking to others. 

The one with the big gulp and the base-boy smiled. But the daydreamer kept doing his thing as the other stayed on her phone. The hat man raised an eyebrow. "Maybe. But you would have to talk to Jolyne." 

"Oh, OK. See you guys later then." At least speaking like a human was easy... 

Who even is Jolyne? He thought. Probably someone from the Joestar Residence... 

He walked towards 1502. Being sure to stay on the sidewalk, avoid the squirt guns, try not to stare at the manga artist, etc. 

1502. He could hear the taller blonde man talking and shouting, sometimes in German, which gained Santana's attention. "You! Ja you!" Santana looked at him. "Are you new here?" 

"Yeah, kind of." 

"Well I haven't seen you out of the house since you moved here." He chuckled at the joke that Santana didn't understand. What did the teen pillar man do? Laugh as well. "When someone laughs and makes a joke, laugh with them, it makes them feel better for the joke." He read that in a magazine. 

"Haha, yeah. I've found video games and now I'm obsessed..." They both laughed about that one. 

The man got out of the laughing fit. "I understand that feeling." He said in his thick German accent and chuckled again. "I'm Rudol Von Stroheim. What's your name?" 

"I am Santana. It's nice meeting you." 

Rudol thought for a second. "Can I give you a nickname?"

"What's a nickname?" 

Rudol laughed even though Santana was serious. "It's a fake name you would give another." 

"I guess you can then." 

"I shall call you Sanviento!" 

"Can I give you nickname, Rudol?" Stroheim nodded. "I will call you, Stroheim." 

He sighed. "Sure, why not?" 

"Are we friends now?" 

- Time skip, brought to you by: Santana made a friend! - 

As the days passed, their friendship increased. Santana began ditching the magazines (for real this time), and started going outside more often. He spent more and more time with Stroheim and started feeling weird- but only when Stroheim was around. 

What was this feeling? Was it the same feeling between Wamuu and Kars? No... It couldn't be... 

Was he.. IN LOVE?!

Santana decided to confront this feeling... by talking with his family. He started from the latest members of the family. He went to the living room to see the couple watching a documentary on TV. Surprisingly enough, they were the only two down there. 

"Valentines. I made a friend and I feel weird when talking to him." He stated. 

Scarlet put her hand over her mouth in shock. "This can only be one thing!" They both exclaimed. 

"Hatred!" 

"Love!" 

They both shouted. Scarlet looked at Funny. "Yes. It has to be love!" Funny looked away, embarrassed. "Just tell him or her how you feel." 

Santana thanked them, and went to Pucci's room. He repeated the statement. Pucci, told him it was love. He went to see Doppio and Diavolo, repeating the statement, getting the same answer. Kira told him he didn't know. Dio was being weird so he gone to the attic. 

Santana took a deep breath, exhaled, the entered. 

"Lord Kars, Esidisi.. I made a friend, and I think I'm in love with him." 

Esidisi looked shocked. "It's a boy? Santana, that's adorable!" 

Kars glared at Esidisi, signaling at him to shut up. "That's great, I'm just surprised you found another vampire in this neighborhood." 

"That's the thing, he's... not."

Kars' eyes widened. "You.. are trying to love a squirrel?! I'm surprised you caught one but-" 

"He's not a squirrel either. He's human." 

Esidisi began bawling his eyes out. "He's in love with a hamon user! What have we done wrong?!" 

Kars, once again, glared at him. "Who is this human you are interested in?" 

"He's in the house 1502. His name is Rudol Von Stroheim." Santana explained. 

Esidisi leaned towards Kars. "Sounds like a hamon user..." Esidisi said a little too loud. 

"He's not a hamon user! He's just extremely attractive, and humorous, and smart-" 

"And he's human! What will happen if he finds out you're a vampire?!" Kars cuts in the sentence with an angry tone. "Will he try to kill you? Or will he accept you? If you want to see if he loves you too, tell him who you really are and see what his response is!" 

Esidisi tries to rejoin the conversation. "Kars, calm down, please." 

Kars takes a breath. "Until you decide to confess, you're staying in your part of the attic to think it over." Kars and Esidisi exit the room, going down the stairs. 

- Time Skip Brought To You By: Santana got a love interest but at what cost? -

Santana sobbed into a pillow that night. He wanted so bad to just go out and prove Kars wrong, but he was scared. What if he was right? What if Stroheim would try to kill him? He decided to look in a magazine. He wanted to tear it up since it was full of useless information, but then he saw a page that would change his thoughts. 

"Don't be afraid. If you don't do it, you might lose the chance." 

That was it. Exactly what he needed. 

- Time Skip Brought To You By: Confidence Upped! -

The next day came a little sooner then he could handle. He wanted to practice what to say, he also wanted to slap Kars in the face while he was sleeping, but he wasn't allowed to do either. So when the day hit like the smack he wanted to give Kars, he was terrified. "Are you going to confess?" Kars squinted at Santana when he woke up. Santana nodded and gained the balls that he didn't know he could gain when Kars was around. 

When Kars opened the door to the Attic, Santana hissed. "That's my boy." Esidisi and Kars said in unison. 

Santana gone down stairs, and picked up his parasol. "Ooh! Look who's going to see his lover boy!" Dio mocked him. Santana was already confident, so instead of passing by like Dio said nothing, he glared at him and flipped him the bird before exiting the house. 

Going to 1502, seeing Stroheim waiting for him. When he saw the redhead, he got excited, then angry, then a mix of both. "Where were you? You weren't out yesterday!" He shouted with that thick German accent- that damn accent that sent butterflies down Santana's throat and into the stomach of the young pillar man. 

"I have thought about things- serious things." Rudol raised an eyebrow. "I have two things to tell you." 

*GULP* 

He didn't know which to say first. They were both hard to say. 

*SIGH* 

"I love you... I think." Stroheim was first in awe, then he laughed when hearing the last part. 

"You think?" 

"I have never loved humans, which brings me to my next point." He sighs again. "I am not human." 

...

"Are you an alien? Werewolf? Zombie?" Santana shook his head at all of them. 

Santana felt a little weight taken off when seeing that Stroheim hasn't ran away. "I am a pillar man, a vampire." 

Stroheim blushed. "I have two things to confess to you." Santana hummed. "I love you too, and... I have a thing for vampires." Surprisingly enough, Santana knew what he meant; blushing when realizing those two factors. 

Santana and Stroheim had the same idea. So they mooched like there was no tomorrow right there. Santana nearly dropped his parasol in the process. After a minute passed of their make out session, they felt like someone was watching. Santana looked behind him and saw Wamuu while Rudol looked behind him and saw Caesar. 

... 

"What the fuck, Stroheim?!" Caesar said in his Italian accent. "How did he get a boyfriend?!" He looked at Wamuu. 

"I know, right?" Wamuu threw his hands up. "How did Santana get a boyfriend before me?" 

The two s' shrugged and mooched again, lightly this time. 

"Can you teach me how to love, Stroheim?" 

He nodded. "If you can show me how you feed off humans..." He winks. 

Caesar and Wamuu nearly vomited right there. 

- END SCENE -

Chapter Text

Another boring day! Santana was hanging out with Stroheim at 1502, Dio was pestering Pucci, Doppio and Diavolo were playing a two player Video Game. Kars and the other two pillar men were upstairs, and the Valentines were watching the Video Games. Little did they know, another room opened up. They heard something and Pucci looked in the hall, seeing ANOTHER ROOM! 

"Was that room always there?" He asked Dio. Suddenly, a knock at the door! "Oh, Santana must've gotten locked out, or Kira forgot his house keys." Pucci ambled to the front door. He opened the door and standing behind it was Kira. 

"I forgot my house keys." He stated with a brown stain on his pinstriped shirt, stepping inside after and closing the door.

Enrico's eyes widened. "WHAT HAPPENED?!" He shouted. 

Kira looked down at his shirt. "Oh, yeah. There was this kid at work, when I said his name and thanks, my coffee got spilled." 

"Strange." Doppio said. 

"It's not strange, it's a common occurrence." Kira corrected the pink boy. "Anyway, I heard that we're gonna have a neighbor. That kid said he would be moving into our neighborhood. He gave me the coffee, so I think he'll be a good kid." Yoshikage explained. 

"Hopefully it won't be as much of a hassle as Mr and Mrs Valentine..." Diavolo mumbled. Funny nearly got up to speak some sense towards Diavolo, but Scarlet pushed his shoulder down so he fell back on the couch. "So, what's the kid's name?" Diavolo focused on the game but carried on the conversation. 

Just when Kira needed to remember, he instantly forgot. "I'm drawing blanks..." He groans. "I think it started with a U? Or was it a T?" 

*DING DONG* 

The doorbell was rang so Kira opened the door. They felt it might be the neighbors, but after the door was opened, they saw Santana. "Did you see?" 

"See what?" They asked in unison, all curious as to what is happening. 

Santana pointed outside. "There's a person greeting others!" They look outside to see a person with suitcases and bags along with a moving truck close to their home. "I thought he was going to take that home over there. Huh." 

When hearing that, they knew what was going to happen. Kira made a note to himself: Talk to Speedwagon about why people keep moving in. Once the person was done greeting the Joestar Residence, he started heading this way. Oh no... 

"Hello! Um, why are you at my house?" 

OH NO.

Santana looked confused. "Um, what do you mean 'my house'?" 

Kira took a look at him. Black curly hair, kind eyes, a weird fashion sense; has to be the kid he seen at work. Now Kira remembers the guy's name. "Tooru..?" It sounded like it was a question. 

The boy known as 'Tooru' looked over at Kira in response. "Oh, Mr Kira!" He sounded like he was going to ask for help, but realized that Kira was in 'his' house. "Mr Kira... What's going on?" 

Kira was straight to the point. "We live here." Kira felt that he said that one too many times. Dio raised an eyebrow, and the rest peaked out of the house at him. 

"Then- then why would Speedwagon let me live here..?" He sounded almost scared. "Jokes over... Haha, you guys can leave now..." 

... 

"Oh god you're serious..." 

Pucci whispered in Kira's ear. "Apparently we have one last room." Tooru perked up immediately. 

"Then, can I live here?" He smiled sweetly, almost as if he was sweet-talking his way into the family. 

Kira groaned. "Fine. But we aren't helping you move in." 

"Not even that muscled blonde can't help?" He looked and pointed at Dio. 

Dio felt flattered when Tooru called him muscular, making another reason for Dio to help him. "I'll help, and I'm sure that Pucci will to." Pucci nodded. Of course the darker skinned God lover would want to help! Kars overheard them talking so Kars came downstairs. When Tooru saw the purple pillar man, his jaw dropped. If you thought Dio was muscular, you clearly haven't seen Kars. It was like he was a fitness god. 

"Will you help me out too?" 

Kars had no idea what he was talking about. So what was he gonna say? "Sure." Tooru shown his excitement through his body language; he put his fist in the air and he wore a smile with his raised brows. "So, what are we doing?" Kars asked while scratching his head. 

- Time Skip Brought to You By: Filling in Kars! - 

After explaining to Kars and moving in Tooru, they decided to chill out. Funny was curious so he started a conversation by asking something simple. "What's your thing?" Tooru looked over at the blonde man in pink. His face shown confusion as his mouth hung agape. 

"What do you mean by that?" 

"Well, for starters, do you have a stand?" He demonstrated by taking out a napkin with the American flag printed on it. He began waving it around before setting it on the floor. Cyan light began flowing out of it. Coming out of it was a woman with that same shade of cyan for hair, a mask with three pink lines on it, a light blue top with pink sleeves, pink shorts with a black x over the *ahem* gendered region, and black thigh high boots. Her ears were close to a rabbits in shape, but had a pink design over the cyan. 

Pucci nearly fainted with how lewd the lady looked. Tooru saw her clear as day, so they new exactly what he was thinking. "Yeah, I have a stand..." He opened the door and in came a boy who looked EXACTLY like him. The only thing differing the two is the clothes. The one that just entered wore a longer coat, a bowler hat, and a scarf. It was summer, mind you. 

"That's your stand? It's.. interesting..." Funny Valentine fibbed. The American boy actually found the stand boring- there was no pazazz to it- but who knows what the stand is capable of? 

Tooru smiled. "Thank you! It can actually change forms too!" Scarlet stepped out of the Valentine room, then cocked her head. Why were there two of the same person? Also, who is the young man to begin with? When she blinks the second man in the coat was gone, but in his place was a blonde girl in pink. It reminded the first lady of someone.. Huh... 

"Oh my stars and stripes!" Funny shouted. "I feel like I know that woman.. Weird, but cool!" He smiled and laughed. Scarlet figured she was drunk, so she went back to the room. 

"So, what exactly are you, Tooru?" Dio walked up to him, examining him closely. For some reason Pucci felt envious. Pucci shook his head and thought about prime numbers. "You don't seem normal.." 

Tooru got flushed in the face when Dio asked that and examined him. "I- I'm just a boy with a stand! I can't be any more weird, otherwise I might be an alien! Haha.." He scratched his head. 

Kira snickered. "I like this kid and his humor. You gotta tell me more jokes, Tooru." When he begins to walk away, he trips on nothing. "Huh..?" 

"SORRY!" Tooru apologizes loudly. "I- I mean.. You must be really clumsy today, huh Mister Kira..?" Everyone was confused at first, but then they shrugged it off. 

So everyone got along, some more than others but you get it. As Dio and everyone smiled at him, Enrico started to get feelings he never felt before. Most people didn't see it, but Dio could actually take a peek at his emotions. It reminded the vampire of some feelings he had.. 

But I guess that's a wonder for a different chapter. 

- End Scene -

Chapter Text

Another summer day starts. As summer is getting closer to ending, the family is hiding in their well-ventilated home. While other families played in the sun, the villainous group stayed in the air-conditioned house. Most of the group were doing what they always did, but Funny was bored and slightly irritated. Maybe it was the heat, or the fact that he was crammed in the house with a bunch of weirdos. Weirdos that were stranger than his ability to play a mandolin with his feet. 

Nonetheless, the patriot was VERY bored. He wanted to go outside with his hilarious, albeit strange, friends. Alas, they sat in their rooms, played video games, and didn't dare go outside.

Funny and Scarlet sat in their room. The blonde man sighed. "What's wrong dear?" Scarlet stepped towards Funny who was writing at his desk. "Do you have writer's block? Or do you not know what words to use?"

"I would like to go out. But they seem to be glued to their screens. I want to have fun and play out in the sun..!" Funny clenched his fist in a patriotic way. "What should I do?" He looks over to his first lady and stuck out his hand gently.

"I think you should ask Kira. He seems to be the man of the house, so maybe he could assist you and bring the group to the beach. Or where ever you would like to go."

Funny swore he could see stars. "That's a beautiful idea! Scarlet my starlet, I adore you!" He stands up from his chair and gives a quick and sweet kiss to Scarlet. "I'll be right back!" Funny rushes out of the bedroom door, leaving Scarlet's side.

The brunette lady sighs softly. "My funny valentine, sweet comic valentine..." She sang to herself. "You always know how to make me blush..." Scarlet puts her hand on her cheeks lightly.

- Time skip, brought to you by: Each day is Valentine's Day... -

"No." Kira says plainly. Funny's jaw drops. "Unless you and everyone else have some form of swimwear.. Consider it not happening." Killer Queen stands next to Yoshikage, looking as upset as the American.

"But, Kira!!" Killer Queen and Funny Valentine say in sync, causing the humans to stare at her in confusion. "Haha, did I say that out loud? Whoops..." She chuckles nervously.

The blondes return their gazes to each other. "As I was saying.. But Kira!!"

"Nope. My words still stand and they won't fall. So, get asking. If the answer is 'yes' and you're quick enough, then I will take you guys to the beach.. Deal?"

Funny nods. "Deal. But first.. Who do I need to talk to?"

"Everyone who lives with us. Including Santana."

"And how many people live with us?" He cocked his head ever-so-slightly.

"Dio, Santana, Wammu, Esidisi, Kars.. " Kira counts on his fingers. "Doppio, Diavolo, Pucci, Tooru, Scarlet, and us. So... Twelve."

"Jeez, how do we even make it? And how big is this house?!"

"Don't ask, just go ask everyone."

- Time skip, brought to you by: No seriously, how are they still alive in this economy? I know most of them aren't human but still. Could you imagine-

- AHEM! Time skip, brought to you by: Supernatural beings in a supernatural house! -

As soon as Funny exited the room, he saw Doppio making ringing sounds and searching for something. Very bizarre. Didn't we already say something about how weird everyone was? Well, there's one example. Funny made a face of confusion while the pink haired boy searched. "Aha! It's in your pocket!" He points at Funny's coat. Doppio reaches in his pocket and grabs the special napkin that would summon D4C. He puts it up to his ear. "Hello? Hi boss!" Despite 'playing telephone', he was being extremely gentle with the napkin.

*POOF!*

D4C pops in, her 'bunny ears' twitching. "No, you don't have to do anything, doll. You can go back home." Funny explained quietly. "Mr. Doppio? Can you ask your 'boss' if you two have swimwear?"

Doppio asks the fated question. "Mr. Valentine wants to know if we have any swimwear..? I don't know! I thought it sounded weird too, but I'm sure it's alright. He seems to do things for the good of many." Funny took that as a compliment. "We do? Cool. Maybe we could go to the beach? We should ask Mr. Kira! Oh, I gotta go, talk to you soon! See ya!" Funny puts his hand out so Doppio could give back his napkin. The pink haired boy does just that, smiles, then gives his thanks in Italian.

Funny makes a mental note of that, dismissing his stand and walking away. He steps down the stairs quickly and efficiently. As soon as he reaches the floor, he notices that Dio and Pucci weren't in the living room. Instead of them were Tooru and the Pillar Men. Santana was there too, surprisingly enough. "Santana? Why aren't you hanging out with Stroheim?" Funny put his hand on his chin, curious to find out why the youngest wasn't with his boyfriend.

"Stroheim is at the beach. I want to see it, but I'm kind of nervous."

"Nervous? Why?"

Santana looks down. "I'm not a child of the sun- I don't like the outdoors as much as Kars- and I don't know what to wear... What do normal humans even wear to the beach?" The redhead sounded even stranger than usual to the blonde. The question was probably the strangest part (ignoring the first part). To be fair, Santana wasn't human. But Funny didn't know that!

The middle-aged man got an idea. "Swimwear is a staple. Whether it's swim trunks or a speedo, it doesn't matter! Do you have anything like that?"

"Weird question, but yeah. Kars got me a two piece. Is that suitable?"

Funny nodded with a smile. Despite that, he was confused why Kars gave him a bikini. Oh well.. "Of course! As long as you can swim in it without being weighed down, you're A-OK!"

"Thanks, Valentine." Santana hummed in approval and nodded.

Santana starts to walk away before being stopped by the other man. "Oh! Can you ask your.. Family ... if they also have swimwear." Santana nods. "Thanks, little man."

Funny walks to Tooru. The young man had an ear-bud in as he cleaned. "Tooru..?" The not-quite-human looks over at him and accidentally gets dust on Funny.

"Oh! Sorry! What- uh.. What did you need?" He paused his music.

"Do you have any swimwear?"

"Like- to borrow?"

"No!" Funny shouts a little too loud. He clears his throat. "Not to borrow. I wanted to go to the beach with everyone, but Kira said 'no, unless we all have swimwear'. I already have my own, but I have to check in with everyone."

"Oh.." Tooru understands now. "I have my own pair. Does anyone else need a pair?"

Funny shakes his head aggressively. "No, we're fine. Besides, you need yours."

"Right. Then we're good on my end!" He smiles toothily. 

Once again, Funny was feeling second-hand-weirdness. It was terrifying to him how little he knows about his 'family'. Maybe he should ask more questions... 

"Gosh, going out to the beach sounds great! Whether it's under the shade, or in the water, there's so many fun activities!" Tooru put on an open smile, innocent as always... 

The blonde man nodded. "That's what I'm saying! Maybe you should influence Yoshikage." 

"Haha! That's silly..." Tooru itches the back of his neck nervously. 

"Well, I'm going to find Dio and Pucci. Do you know where they are?"

The Swiss-Roll-like haired shrugged. "I can see if Dio is in his room. I'll even ask for you, if you want." 

"That would be great help. I'll check on Mister Heaven-Sent." They both chuckle at Funny's remark. Tooru waves at the middle aged man as they both knock on their respective doors. 

*knocking sounds...* 

... 

No response. Maybe he didn't hear him. So, Funny knocks louder. He hears a gasp from within. "C- Come in!" The man in the room sounded anxious. Funny noticed that, but didn't say a thing. Instead, he opens the door. "What's up?" Enrico looked flustered. 

"Uh, I was wondering if you had some swimwear. Not to borrow, but for you. We're trying to go to the beach, but Kira is making it hard." Mister Valentine explained, learning his lesson from talking to Tooru. 

"I have to talk to Mr. Kira about that.. But yes, I do have a pair." The dark-skinned man explained. "Ah, the beach would be lovely. I hope everyone else has swimwear too..." Pucci looked lost in thought now. 

"Alright, I'll leave you be now. See you later." 

Pucci didn't respond, so Funny steps out of the room, shutting the door behind him. 

Tooru and Santana stood with a am smile and a natural pout, in that order. "Dio, has some!" 

"So does the others." 

"Beautiful! It's time to tell Kira and head out!" Funny shouts. 

-Time Skip, brought to you by: Let's go to the Beach..! Nicki Minaj -

As one may tell by the sunlight, sand, and sounds of waves, the Villains have arrived at the beach. And, as one may guess, basically EVERYONE was here in this place that may or may not be Morioh. Even strange side characters, like that chef and beautician that nobody remembers. But the most important part was that everyone was having fun. Under the shade, in the water, playing on the sand.. What's better than this? 

Kars and the other vampires put a SHIT TON of sunscreen on and held onto their parasols like their lives depended on it. Mainly because it did. Santana immediately saw his boyfriend Stroheim out there, abs glistening with sweat and water. But who cares about him (aside from Santana)? 

The youngest pillar man rushed out to see his boy-toy, leaving others in his sand track. Everyone ran off to do whatever except for Kira. Dio started checking out the ladies and gents, the remaining pillar men started looking for a place to set up towels, Doppio and Diavolo rushed to the water, Tooru saw his friends and decided to see what's up, and the presidential lovers began making sand castles. All of this and more gained a lot of attention. 

Kira counted everyone. "I'm forgetting someone..." Enrico was staring into space. Or at least that's what it looked like. In reality, he was staring at Dio and his beautiful bod. The scars and birthmark made him stand out so well... "Why aren't you going out with Dio? You're usually by his side." 

Pucci's cheeks flushed and he jumps. "Yes, I will go out with him!" Enrico rushed after Dio. 

"Eleven. Good, now I can check out some hands..." Kira noticed the girls from that Walmart. "Maybe I should go see them.. Wink, wink." Yoshikage begins walking over. 

Play under the sun, beneath it's rays. Play in the sand, ride the waves... 

- End Scene -