Archive of Our Own ^beta

The first night after she found out, Rey felt a burst of intense terror beyond anything she’d ever imagined. It lasted mere seconds, but it branded itself into her brain and reminded her of those horrible nightmares of losing Ben. Helplessly being seized by Sidious with Force-lightning; bittersweetly smiling up at her, cold and listless in her arms, as he passed his life to her; the last trace of his Force print fading into the spectral voids in a desert night sky, lost beyond time and space forever…

It was okay to feel these pains. They were healing. As long as they had each other, they could keep going. Keep following the promising glints of light - and now, Rey knew, it wasn’t just about the two of them anymore.

Ben didn’t know yet. She’d have to tell him, no matter how afraid she was. How he might react was where some of her fear came from. To say he’d been bad to his own father would be generous… in the past now. Let it be behind us. Her fear calming down, Rey rested her hand over the flat of her abdomen, committing its sleekness to memory, just like she had when Ben had first tentatively touched her. It all started with bare hands, and gradually they pulled each other closer, finding more to desire, the more they found… that very first time had been far more wonderful than frightening. Encouraging. And they encouraged each other, finding out what felt good, even when their orgasms nearly struck them dizzy with their sweet fierceness. Maybe that intensity was what made them love it even more, and crave each other… the dyad certainly needed careful handling.

Time to be grown ups now. The quickening in Rey’s womb would need the right kind of protecting, growing into new life that would be hungry for nurturing, and if they did it just right, this would help them grow stronger too. Pushing them into a new journey together. A little girl, Rey had a good feeling. A child with extraordinary headstrong character, coming from two powerful conductors of the Force. She’d be a handful. Exasperating, but a lot of fun. Her life would run with incredible power - whether she’d turn light or dark, Rey didn’t want to wonder… but regardless, she’d have a big family to soak her with love.

A satiated, carefree Ben sprawled over his half of the bed beside her, deeply asleep, oblivious to the budding life bursting from what he’d planted in Rey. They hadn’t really seen much of each other lately. Times were busy, which they both knew was keeping them healthy. She smiled softly at him, loving the sight of him relaxed; they hadn’t been here that long, but even so, they were free now, to get to know themselves again… here was home now. A stately estate belonging to the planet’s royalty. A place of safety surrounded by freedom. Isolated enough to dismiss thoughts of the unrest from which they’d come. On the other side of the war, decades earlier, another man and woman had come here to hide, and realised love while they were here… after a while had passed, Force-sensitives had started to show up here hoping they could find some kind of guidance from them, and there were frequent trips to the Capital or elsewhere, for keeping tabs on the world slowly rebuilding itself: this was what kept them busy. Now, winter was in full swing and they wanted some down time.

Tranquility spread right through the villa, which Rey didn’t want to disturb. It was the longest night of the year, cold enough for her to wrap herself in blankets, before she slipped off the bed and out. She headed out to the veranda, facing out towards the water, which was as still as a huge pane of glass. Not a touch of wind in the air. Theirs was the smallest of the few houses around the lakeshore, the others all gated up and slumbering. Rowboats tied at the mooring, groves of pines, speeders resting on the grass, all perfectly silent, beneath the deepest blue sky she had ever seen, held with a sharp brightness by the cold. This was beauty.

Under her layers, Rey hugged her belly and thought on her nightmares, carefully going through the motions: the fighting was over, she and Ben were alive and well, they had each other, and their lives were getting better… Rey loved the rain, the lake, and she loved tending to the gardens most of all, and sometimes she sang to herself, sweet and mournful, after a long emotional day. Ben spent hours at a time poring over inkings in traditional Alderaanian style, in fact he had affection for a lot of handmade things, even when he sometimes needed to break something. And, learning how few well-cooked meals Rey had eaten in her life, Ben had a perfect excuse to rediscover how much he enjoyed cooking. Shacking up quietly was something else, but it was working out pretty well…

So what was it that had scared her so much? Rey wasn’t an innocent little girl anymore - and she was determined to make sure her own baby would be loved and raised as best as she could… that frightened girl abandoned on an arid junkyard backwater planet had no reason to not be afraid. She didn’t know anything else. How could she know why her parents drowned their own past in hard liquor, and sold her into harsh anonymity? Was that the worst she could imagine? Now she knew it wasn’t. Now she knew why her parents abandoned her. And why she decided she had to avenge her lost childhood.

When she let herself consider it, the truth of it chilled her far more than Naboo winters ever could. Goosebumps rose across her skin, and she clutched her belly even tighter.

But before long, comfort came, flowing through the dyad. When she and Ben had faced the evil that wanted them destroyed, the two of them eventually won. Their lives carrying on was all they needed for a victory. Ben clearly sensed that she wasn’t in bed, and woke up to look for her. She felt his big presence approaching her before she saw or heard him.

“Are you okay?” His voice was gentle, as he appeared next to her.

“Can’t sleep.” She muttered.

“I know.”

“I had a bad dream… I keep thinking about… horrible things.”

“You don’t have to talk about it.”

“No. No, I want to. I need to… get it out. It’s about us… I hope you’d understand.”

“I’m pretty sure I will.”

Rey cleared her throat, her nerves tense. “Ben… do you remember Black Spire outpost? The Twi’lek fortune reader, she asked me my full name, I said Rey Skywalker, and she… she looked at me like I was mad. She told me… I’m not a Skywalker. It’s not in my blood, Ben.”

“Does that really matter?”

“She said it does matter. And I didn’t get it at the time… I do now.”

Holding her close, she seemed so little, bundled up in a blanket against him. Worn and fragile at the same time. The elegant curve of her skull laid perfectly against a soft depression at his shoulder. “Tell me.”

“The Emperor… he worked on you, your uncle, your grandfather. Tried to turn all of you to the dark side. He totally succeeded with Anakin, and now the galaxy doesn’t remember him. Only Darth Vader. Luke didn’t turn, but he’s gone now. He sacrificed himself, for your sake… and we nearly lost you too. If I’d never got you out of that dark place, then Ben Solo would’ve been lost forever. The galaxy would only remember Kylo Ren.”

Rey lifted her head to face him properly; she was sure nothing in the Lake Country was as unbearably gorgeous as him, right in this moment, his face all softened and hair an unruly mess from sleep, a long slice of his throat and chest exposed by the robe he’d lazily wrapped himself in, and mildly amused doubt in his eyes. Not that she needed to be reminded of what she wanted, how saving him had been worth it. “Do you really believe that, sweetheart?”

“It’s true, isn’t it? You saved me, but that’s not the point! Nobody saw you do it, so maybe you could’ve died some other way.”

“I didn’t care either way. I had to go back to Exegol for you! You’re the light, Rey. I never cared what happened to me, as long as you made it out alive. What else could I do to make up for what I’d done?”

“But I… I’m not a Skywalker.”

Ben sighed. “I won’t argue with that.”

“I’m a Palpatine… I came from his bloodline.”

“That doesn’t matter to me. It never did. You don’t need to come from anywhere special, to be special to me.”

Any other time, Rey would melt inside at him saying things like this. But not this time. She shook her head, and felt a sob creep down her throat. “You don’t get it, do you… Ben, the Emperor was this close to wiping out you and your entire family. Stealing away all the good things every Skywalker ever did. And I would’ve got all the credit for saving the galaxy.”

A cloud passed across Ben’s face. The torment he’d spent most of his life carrying was still being dug out. And since they’d settled quietly together, she knew more about it than he wished she did. She deserved so much better.

“Do you get it now? Even if blood doesn’t matter to you, it matters an awful lot to a lot of people. And if that’s so, then the Emperor could’ve won. He could’ve won a war he fought with three generations of your family. That is just beyond evil… and you can do so much, to help the galaxy heal. I’ve seen you do it already.”

Such sweet misery… Ben knew she was right. Even with the still-lingering beliefs that he’d done too much damage to deserve a second chance. That he’d done an awful lot to help that evil thrive, and he’d been so convinced that it was his destiny. And he was powerless against its deadly embrace. His name, his blood, tainted by a curse. He had been condemned before he was even born, so there was no point trying to fight it. Instead, just let the Skywalker legacy be reduced to dust… he’d rather that, than have it be stolen, by someone greedy for others with great power, to twist to suit their own selfish desires. Manipulate him into thinking it was all his fault. Sorrow filled his features, as he gazed long and lovingly at her.

“I never wanted to steal the light. I just wanted to be part of a family that let me decide what I wanted to be…”

“Why are you bringing this up?”

“Something’s happened, Ben - it’s nothing bad! If you don’t want it, we don’t have to have it… but I’m - but we… when we, erm…”

“Rey, what happened?”

But her voice was fading, so she reached for his hand, and brought it towards her, laying it on a patch of her abdomen, pulling it under her covers so he could touch her skin.

A beat of silence passed, before Ben closed his eyes, reaching out for something, whatever it was that she wanted him to feel…

“Not something… someone.” Rey whispered.

Indeed, he could feel a very faint trace of a Force-print that was not hers. His eyes peeking open, shock began to creep in and loosen his tense features. His jaw dropped.

“What… when did you find out?”

“This morning… it’s, maybe, six weeks gone already. I wanted to be sure… Ben, I want this… but it’s okay if you don’t…”

She honestly couldn’t say much more of anything, not when Ben was dissolving into a mess of intense brilliant terrified joy, hands up to his face, eyes brimming - she wrapped him in her arms, nuzzling into the skin in between silken fabric… and she felt his own arms tighten around her, kisses landing in her hair and over her forehead.

“We’re going to have a baby?!”

“Oh, we are, Rey. It’s gonna be the craziest thing we ever do… and it’ll be amazing.”

Sliding an arm under her thighs, he scooped her up, and carried her off the veranda, like a bride in his arms, like she might shatter if they weren’t careful - and laid her back on the bed, settling in beside her once he’d shed his robe, dropping it wherever. Rey couldn’t help but smile, admiring her lover’s sleek brawn, and didn’t hesitate to curl around him when he reached for her. Her body suddenly seemed to weigh her down, pressing against Ben, buoyed by how heavy he was; the heady, deeply male fragrance of his flesh; the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. Nowhere else in the entire universe, would she ever feel so safe.

“I’m scared, Ben… I want to be a good mama…”

“You will. You’ll be brilliant, I know it. It’s me who we should worry about.”

Rey had to giggle, even a tiny bit. “Oh, that’s not what worries me at all. You’re gonna be a superb dad.”

“Am I?”

She was grinning, loving the gentle tease in his question. Oh, her big bright smile… truly a thing of beauty. Especially here, in the dark hours, hours for deep questions and making love and talking of all manner of dumb things… she would wear a soft, unguarded smile, that nobody else would ever get to see. Ben treasured it.

“Yes you are.”

It was quite warm enough under the covers. Rey stretched happily beside him, relishing the glorious feel of human closeness, her light bindings loosening around her. Dainty strips of fabric wrapping her warm sun-kissed skin. She was fabulous, lean, strong, elegant in her own way. Fighting fit. Freckles dusted over her shoulders, scattered on her arms and across the bridge of her nose. They teasingly ran down her back, always tempting Ben to touch, count as many of them as he could, cover all of her up again with his lips and hands.

Indeed, victory seemed too hollow a word for them. Regardless if they’d been born in a time of war or peace, they still suffered their lonelinesses. A disconnection between what was real, and what they’d wished for. To have a real place in the world. For his first ten years, Ben didn’t know beyond what his parents would, consciously or unconsciously, teach him. He didn’t even know what it was about him that made him ‘special’ - they didn’t tell him for such a long time, out of fear. Hardly noble. Nobody can escape the will of the Force, and nobody can run from a curse. Not even a Jedi’s descendants, certainly not a smuggler. They must have known things would change once their little boy found out. But their fiercely contrasting personalities, and their demanding lives, pulled them apart, and perhaps the little boy might’ve been the only thing guaranteeing they’d stay together as long as they did. They just couldn’t break the cycle of storming apart, pining for one another, and hastily rebuilding their relationship.

A funny irony, Ben mused. They’d loved to have been grandparents.

That boy was a man now. And the girl, ten years behind him, was a woman; the war had driven them in curving tangents, circling around the light and dark, tangling together before eventually joining. They’d clashed blades, argued, confessed secrets, shared feelings, wounded each other, confronted painful truths, reconciled, fought together, and eventually saved each other. A crazy, mythic adventure - at least they both agreed it was wild - they’d risked their lives for each other several times, before they’d learned what they enjoyed in down times. And they’d survived horrors together.

The dyad pulsed brightly in their isolation, encouraging them as they got bolder with their feelings. The sex was wonderful as well, but raw emotion and greedy cravings weren’t the same as a joining of minds. The dyad reminded them they were two separate creatures, joined by a bond that was deeply mysterious, feeling each other’s emotions and pains whether they wanted it or not. At first, one of them would leverage the dyad to try pushing more delicious tension into their embraces, until they seemed to agree on forsaking it for a while. Dismiss all from their minds, and let the immediacy of it be the focus…

Certainly, Ben being so much larger than her, Rey would let herself feel a tiny moment of complete helplessness as he engulfed her in his arms - and it gave way to bliss, when he held her and kissed her with such gentleness. Nervous and eager, his big hands would carefully unwind her wrappings, and her small hands cunningly slipping under his clothes in response. She kept alert for an excited gasp, and delighted in touching him, mapping where was supple as leather, and where was unexpectedly soft… excitement steadily growing as more skin was uncovered, the two of them laughing at the awkwardness of bared skin, heavy joints, and sudden tenderness. Trust shining through those laughs.

Almost inevitably, his extra height had him pinning her beneath him, and he slowly undid her from mouth to root with kisses, feasting on her - did he feel such hunger, as she did? …bliss gave way to burning elation with every slow inch he claimed on her. He did take his time! - his warm sigh, his fingertips soft on her breasts, his tremulous grip on her waist came from a giddy euphoric edge. Like he still couldn’t quite believe this… her garbles of delight encouraged him, until she cried loud and wordless, trembling fingers tightening in his hair as he drank into the moist heat pooling between her thighs…

She’d return his touches, when she pushed him onto his back and straddled his hips. And she’d spend uncounted ages trailing her hands over him, searching for where his skin felt most silky, brushing kisses as light as the falling rain she loved almost as much as him. She traced across his broad chest, kneaded his shoulders, nibbled the sensitive place where they met his neck. She let all the aching pleasure he’d poured over her wash through him, riding him fearlessly, spurred by his hardness plunged inside her, while he clutched her hips as his mind scorched white, gasping her name… 

Alas, only the joining of bodies, melting together only at the moment of climax - a short moment at that. What do you feel? …do you feel as I feel? …do you love me as I love you?

Thankfully, they’d had a good amount of practice at being patient. Maybe the way they’d met, on opposing sides, with artificial identities they had in an effort to survive, was a blessing in disguise. Rey didn’t compare him to what had come before; Ben just knew she was more than just a scavenger, whoever she was. They’d never have predicted this would be what they’d become. Do you feel the same way I do? …do you understand what I feel? Do you know what it’s like to be so alone? …will you be there with me?

It turned out, they didn’t really need physical intimacy to answer such questions. They already knew.

They spent the next few hours sleeping, but not much. Rey still had more things on her mind. She didn’t want them left undiscussed, if Ben could sense her restlessness. Emotions running high made even brighter by the prism of the dyad.

“You said the other day, that Snoke didn’t create the dyad, he just woke it up.”

“Palpatine told me that. At first Snoke wasn’t meant to have anything to do with the dyad, but he pulled off quite a coup when he got us talking to each other instead of fighting.”

“Yes, because the Emperor needed us both. He wanted the power in the dyad to restore his life, for real.”

“But, Rey, when you’ve been literally bred and designed to be at the top of the hierarchy, engineered to be a powerful dark side user, it’s pretty easy to get so hooked on power, you’ll be desperate to just eliminate anything below you that’s not perfectly obedient. And from Palpatine’s point of view, he needed some kind of wildcard, something to put into the game to make me crack, and get Snoke out of the way.”

“Wow. And it just so happened that I was the other half of the equation, so to speak… I guess that proves how smart the Emperor was, and always was. He wanted us both, and so he gradually worked on you until you’d got me to crack as well, and you thought I was in so much danger that you’d be right behind me.”

“Yeah, when you put it like that, that makes sense. But, if I’m totally honest, I’m not surprised. I mean, it’s disgusting that someone would have a child because they’re thinking, ‘I must have an heir for my unlimited power!’ - you should have a family because you care… but you were hidden away from him, to keep you safe, until you discovered your power. How could you stay hidden then?”

They were laying on their sides, facing each other, comfortable while still close enough to touch. Almost as if they were leaving room for a small person to wedge herself between them. Rey kept her voice soft, a crease of worry in her features, hesitant to ask. Even though she wanted an answer, and Ben would know she couldn’t ignore it. “What about killing your father? Did the Emperor plan for that to happen?”

“Oh, absolutely. The where and when and how weren’t set in stone, but… it was gonna happen, somehow. Snoke had drilled it into me that this was part of my training. To destroy every last reminder of my old life. Banish the light forever. And, I… I couldn’t hide anything from him… and nothing was ever enough.”

“Ever?”

“That’s what he wanted, Rey… he wanted me to hate… and that would make me powerful…” He tensed with remorse, breaking eye contact.

“Ben, you can say it. It’s okay.”

“When I… uh…”

She stroked the side of his face. This was a safe place to talk about these things. “Say it.”

“When I killed my father… Snoke insisted it made me weak. It made me unbalanced… and he was right. I knew it. You beat me… and I didn’t want my mother to forgive me, even though I knew I couldn’t kill her too. I didn’t want you to care. I expected you to never let it go, to always be berating me about how lucky I was, to have a family who’d always cared about me when you had nothing.”

“Ben, you know I’m not like that.”

“Okay, okay - and I do know that it’s unhealthy to latch onto people you’ve only just met. I think you knew what you really wanted, you just hadn’t admitted to yourself.”

“I suppose… but I never expected you to be so brutally honest. It made it a hell of a lot harder to keep hating you.”

“Rey… can you keep a secret?”

“Of course.”

“Rey, when I saved you on Exegol, and you woke up, I expected you to just go… just leave, go back to your allies, and never look back.”

“Oh, Ben… how could I do that? After I’d been alone for so long, and I’d just found out I’d been half of a dyad in the Force all that time?”

Naboo turned. Spring crept into being, sweating into summer, and then into autumn. News spread rather fast, and excitement and nervousness churned relentlessly, but Rey waved it away. She soldiered forward as she grew heavy, consuming spiced soft drinks to combat her nausea, crafting a festive collection of miniature garments, indulging in the cool air blowing off the lakes and filling the villa every lazy morning. Ben barely left her side, cradling her as she slept in his arms, squabbling with her over the accoutrements of the approaching new arrival, amusing her with his clumsy enthusiasm to prove his newfound maturity.

The days were just turning cold again, when they arrived, panic and determination pulled tense, at the office of obstetric droids, followed by an unnecessarily lively crowd… after hours of noise, mess, brutal pushing, blood, sweat, and tears, at last baby Ciara was curled at Rey’s breast, being rocked gently by her long relieved gasps. She was barely two hours old before Finn, Rose, Poe, and Chewie were all clamouring round her, joyously admiring her, arguing over who’s turn it was to hold her next. Ben had to laugh, but Rey blearily gazed up at him, feeling nothing but exhaustion mushed with happiness, her Force-signature radiant… she was miraculous. A breakaway from a curse, a myth, a wild dream, made flesh. A fighter in her own right, in balance with him, and now they both had their own little treasure… she reduced him to happy tears, shed quietly as he leaned down carefully beside her, a gentle arm draped over her. She dropped a kiss onto his hair, and let herself weep with him.