Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was the year 836. June of the year 836

Warm days, not a cloud could be seen in the sky.

Perfect for running in the big fields full of flowers and grass. To feel the smell of summer, the breeze on her face and in her hair, to smell the grass and the flowers. To roll her little body over it laughing and smiling. While dreaming of one day being able to do so outside the walls.

Elena was the name of the curious little girl. Well... She didn't like that name, so everyone called her Lena. Who, like any child, dreamed of one day knowing the world outside the walls. They knew well the men and women who protected them from the monsters that wanted to eat them, and they couldn't help but feel an admiration and curiosity of what it would be like to be one of them. Even if all the adults told them otherwise.

After all, children are the only ones who can see beyond what eyes can see.

Divagations aside, it was a perfect summer day. And how Lena loved summer. There was no school (only she knew the torment she went through having to spend a day stuck in a room) and she would go play with her friends from Shingashina.

Or she could, because not only she couldn't take advantage of such a beautiful day to do whatever she wanted, but she still had to dress up all tight and stuck in a white cotton dress, only used for special occasions, and wear shined leather shoes. Lena was always barefoot, and having to wear shoes was another torture for the little girl.

"Elena, hold still so I can tie your hair. You're not going to the procession with those loose wild curls" her mother said, as she tried to tame that fire-colored lion's mane.

The little redheaded girl, trying not to feel the pain of having her curly hair pulled as hard as she could, looked out her bedroom window at the beautiful day outside. No school, sunny days, she could climb as many trees as he wanted and skin her knees right afterwards whenever she wanted. And she had to be there being tortured by her own family.

Not wanting to arouse even more anger from her mother, which had already shown when she spanked her butt for not wanting to put on her shoes, she decided to ask one more time to see if she would change her mind.

"Mom, why do I have to go to the procession?" the little gingerhead complained, already with tears in her eyes because her mother was pulling her hair.

"Don't start with your tantrums. You have to go, and that's it" the middle-aged woman replied, in her usual harsh and strict tone.

"But I wanted to play with my friends from Shingashina, their parents don't make them go" Lena challenged her mother's authority once again, because nothing would hurt more than having her hair pulled like that.

"I don't want to hear anything else. What others do is not our business" the woman replied, as she put more pins in that untamed hair.

The middle-aged woman had short brown hair, already with a few white highlights, which was covered by a long kerchief, and two eyes as green as the fields of Wall Maria. She had once been a beautiful young woman, very popular with the men of Shingashina. And she still was, even with a few wrinkles and with her hair already grey. When she got angry, her eyes would get squinty and her mouth would expand. She looked like a lizard, and Lena never knew whether to laugh or cry.

"And it's done, thank goodness. I don't know where that hair came from" Liesle said, and like the ringing of a bell, the little gingerhead jumped out of her chair "Now I don't want to see any of that messed up. No moving around too much until the end of the procession"

The little redhead sighed in supplication. She couldn't understand why they were putting her through that torture, just to look good for everyone to see. After all, if God loved them, he would love them just as much dressed in old clothes stained by grass and food as dressed in dresses that were only worn once in a while.

Lena's family was very religious, and they had passed on a lot of these values to her. The girl prayed every night, and she had started early on to sing in the choir together with her father, who played the guitar. Her parents had a dream of having one of their children follow the path of God, to become a nun or a priest. But none of the three seemed to be interested in that.

The mother and daughter went towards the living room, where the rest of the family was having breakfast, already ready to go to mass and, soon after, to the procession.

It was a humble house, made by the hard work of the man and the woman. Small, made entirely of stone, with only three rooms, but a cozy living room and kitchen, always with a smell of rosemary and a bottle of wine on the table. A house of the people.

"Take a look at these girls, huh? All pretty to go to the procession. Let me even get up to get a better look at you" Lena's father, Hugo who was already ready, stood up and looked at his wife and daughter.

Hugo was Lena's father. A very respected man in Shingashina. Well, at least by the good people. He was very religious and dynamic, taking the initiative for many solidarity campaigns for the poor. Even though they were not a wealthy family either, he always said that sacrifices had to be made in order to help others.

He was a good man, very patient, friendly and outgoing. The total opposite of his wife, who was much colder and complained a lot, although she was also very kind-hearted.

It could be considered that Lena had a little of both within her, even in terms of appearance. Hugo was blond and had the same blue eyes as Lena, as well as the smile. Liesle, on the other hand, had the chubby cheeks, the broader body, and the freckles on her face.

"I'm glad you say that. To make this girl putting on her shoes was hell" Liesle rolled her eyes, getting ready to sit down at the table.

"Oh she does have your temper" Lena's older sister Louise said as she giggled. Also already dressed up and sitting at the table.

"It's your father's fault, he should be more strict. Go, Lena. Go eat before you go to the procession."

What Lena felt like doing was rolling her eyes and refusing to sit down. But she knew that the only response to that act would be another spanking from her mother, who was no longer willing to put up with any more disrespect. And Lena knew well that Liesle was already out of patience just by being the stress of Shingashina's parties.

"Oh Louise!!!" a male voice sounded through the kitchen outside. It was Peter, Louise and Lena's older brother, already dressed in his shirt but holding his jacket in his hand "Look how you ironed this shirt for me. Only in front and on the fists, the rest didn't see the iron"

Peter and Louise were Lena's older siblings. Much older, as they were already 17 and 18 years old. They used to say that Lena had been a surprise. They were tall like their father, Louise had hazel eyes and brown hair like Liesle. Peter had the same blue eyes as Lena and Hugo, and brown hair as Liesle and Louise. The only thing they had in common was their tiny noses and big smiles. Although, when in light, the brown hair of the siblings would become closer to the youngest's ginger hair.

In personality they couldn't be more different either. Louise was a quiet person, rather reserved but very sweet, responsible, studious and down to earth. Peter also had their mother's temper, as well as her frivolity. However, he was also responsible and a hard worker, since children. Meanwhile Lena hated school and only was seen outside playing. In the beginning, she even needed to be dragged by her hair. She hated being locked up, because she thought the Walls were enough for that. Besides, for being always restless and misbehaving, she was always getting slapped by the teacher, who was a real boring men. However, she loved learning and was even considering becoming a doctor one day.

"I ironed that well. Next time don't fold it any way" Louise simply replied as she took a bite of her bread.

"Are you saying I don't know how to fold shirts?"

"Well Peter, I never do see you folding, ironing, or embroidering. I only see you in the vegetable garden" Liesle replied with a few laughs in a wry tone.

"Someone has to make sure we don't starve to death" Peter rolled his eyes and sat down at the table along with the rest of the family.

Things were bad in Shingashina. Bad weather had ruined the harvest season, causing famine to spread. And now, a severe drought had dried up the rivers greatly, decreasing their flow. Lena's family ruled themselves by selling fish at the market, and without rivers, there were neither fish to sell, nor fish to eat.

But even so, the people didn't stop their processions and parties.

"By the way, Lena. I heard you don't want to go to the procession?" Peter asked with a small smile. He was asking to tease his mother.

"Peter, you don't pull that subject I don't have the patience to discuss this anymore. Every year it's the same thing, she never want to go" Liesle spoke up, putting her hand on her head and looking at her oldest son.

"Liesle, let the girl talk" Hugo said with a gentle smile. The gentle smile that was always painted on his face "Why don't you want to go, Lena? Is it because you have to put on your shoes and that dress?"

The little gingerhead looked at her father, still not smiling. However, after her father winked at her, she finally opened her mouth to speak.

"It's not just for that! It's the first day of summer. I wanted to enjoy it and go to the fields today with my friends" Lena finally opened her mouth. She knew that if her mother didn't understand, her father did "Besides the shoes make my feet hurt and I can't even move in this dress"

"See what I say? It's always the same conversation every year. Only this year you're even more stubborn" Liesle only complained about that situation. She really clashed with her youngest daughter's free spirit.

"Lena you'll still be able to spend all day with them. You'll only lose one morning in the procession" Hugo replied, trying to get around the little redhead.

"But then we'll have Sunday lunch with Patricia's family. Then in the afternoon and evening it's Shingashina's party and I won't be enjoying anything" Lena replied, quite sure of what she was saying.

"Then we'll do it this way. Isn't Patricia going with you to the fields too?"

"She is"

"Then we'll arrange lunch an hour earlier, so before the party, you can go with Patricia and the other rattlers to the fields" Hugo started to say, trying to resolve that situation. As he used to solve it every year whenever the little redhead didn't want to go "Then you'll meet us at home and we'll go together, alright?"

"Hugo, for God's sake. The girl has to learn that when she's supposed to go, she's supposed to go and that's it. End of discussion" her mother warned, hard and stern as an oak tree.

"Oh come on, mom. You're always so stern too. Relax, woman, or you'll get even more gray hair!" Peter laughed, as he started to get up from the table along with Louise.

"Someone has to teach you discipline, since your father doesn't know what that is." Liesle rolled her eyes, making the blonde haired man laugh "But if it's meant to end this discussion, let it be like this. But she'll have to meet us at home! I already know, she's going to come home all dirty from playing!"

If for Liesle Hugo was not disciplined, he who was one of the most obedient and exemplary men in Shingashina, you can imagine how strict that woman could be. However, that was the proof how she sometimes gave up.

Liesle and Peter, already up, were getting ready to go. The 17-year-old was wearing a long dark green skirt with traditional patterns and a beige blouse with lace and ruffles at the bottom and on the sleeves. The 18-year-old, on the other hand, was wearing his ill-fitting shirt, a tie, a plaid blazer, and pants of the same color.

"Mom, I'll take a bunch of rosemary and lavender to spread on the streets right away. There's more in the living room if you want to take it" Louise warned, turning to her family.

"Lou and I are going to go. We're going with our classmates from trade school. See you in a bit" the blond boy warned, eliciting a 'see you in a bit' response coming from the rest of the family.

Lena sighed. Sometimes she wished she was Peter and Louise's age. Since she was the youngest and they were many years apart, they didn't have a relationship with her like they did with each other. Not to mention she was envious at the freedom they were given, I don't understand that it was because she was just a child, and her older siblings were almost adults.

"So Lena, are you going to the procession or not?" her father asked again, snapping her out of her thoughts with the same smile.

"Even if I didn't want to I still had to go" Lena rolled her blue eyes. However, she also thought about how every year she went along with the choir, who sang those songs so beautiful and melodious, and it seemed to pain her a little less "But dad.... I can still go with the choir can't I?"

"Of course you can, you're a member of the choir. You sing and I play with the band" Hugo smiled at his daughter, who reciprocated him with her blue eyes sparkling.

To Hugo's chagrin and Liesle's relief, the older children didn't pay much attention to music. But their father did, and he passed on this love of music to Lena as well. The little redhead loved to sing and play. And for her age, she had a very beautiful voice.

Sometimes she would even sing in the street and people would pass by and offer her money, sometimes even candy.

"Even in the music craze you both are the same. But when I ask you to sing for the neighbors you always say no."

"Mom, I like to sing when I feel like it. Not when I'm forced to"

"And that's the way it has to be" Hugo smiled at his daughter, realizing better than anyone what the redhead was talking about.

Maybe the procession wasn't so boring after all. It was every year that torment to get to go, and every year she gave in because of her love of music and singing. All because of her father's influence.

...

After the mass only for the Shingashina cathedrals, there was the procession. A beautiful but protracted ceremony, as they traveled through the entire Shingashina district, with some holding figures. While singing chants and spreading flowers through the streets. Then, the families would have lunch, and in the afternoon and evening was the district's annual party. They would all gather in the main square, do traditional dances and drink lots of wine.

As soon as they finished lunch, she quickly changed into her old dress full of grass and food stains, let down her curly hair, and took off her shoes that were choking her feet. Ready to go with Patricia to the fields to join her friends from the neighborhood.

Patricia was two years older than Lena, and they had known each other forever. Neither Hugo nor Liesle had any other family besides them so Patricia's family was like their own. At every annual party, Christmas and Easter, the two families would get together and have lunch.

The sun was already flying over the light blue tones of the sky, together with the imposing figure of the monstrous saw, with bits of cotton on its top. Two mountains, in fact. One high up, and one on the ground, among the waters of the river. They seemed to sing the cool breeze of summer, reminiscent of the comforting joy of childhood. Meanwhile, in the valleys below the mountains, large green fields stretched out over the horizon.

At times, Lena could be a scandal to some of the inhabitants of Shingashina. How her parents would let her be an crazy and misfit "tom-boy".

Lena never understood why they called her that.

She liked being a girl, she liked pretty dresses, she liked flowers, she liked feeling pretty. She just couldn't subject herself to what the "well behaved girls of school" went through. They couldn't even get dirty, or run on the grass because it wasn't "lady like".

Now, having her parents, even if in their severity, always given her the freedom to do whatever she wanted wherever she wanted, it was all very strange to the little redhead. Maybe that's why they always told her "a bad behaved boy is one thing, a bad behaved girl is just wrong".

But now, that didn't matter. Finally Lena found herself in the place where she belonged. In the middle of nature, feeling great joy at finally being free. And with her were also the children from her neighborhood. Schoolmates and life companions, who always joined in their games. Lena was the youngest, they all found her very funny.

At that moment they had made a race to the big tree in the middle of Maria's fields. Lena had already given up halfway through, and decided to just roll over and lie in the grass and flowers looking up at the sky.

"Lena!!! You gave up?" the oldest one said, who was also Lena's best friend. His name was Adam, he had curly brown hair, sweet brown eyes and also had a face full of freckles. He was always barefoot, just like Lena.

Lena giggled non-stop as she felt the breeze on her already sweaty face from the run. She just wanted to feel the grass on her body, and enjoy the freedom after that torture that had been walking in those shoes and tight dress in the morning.

"I didn't give up! I'm just resting!" the little gingerhead giggled.

Lena looked up at the sky and let out a grin from ear to ear. How she loved summer...No school, sunny days, she could climb as many trees as she wanted and skin her knees right after, whenever she wanted. And whenever there was no school, the neighborhood group all played together. Sometimes in the streets, but most of the time they would go to those green fields, which gave them enough space to do all their playing.

It consisted of seven boys and only three girls. The oldest were Marianne, Adam and Patricia, all three of them were 12 years old. Marianne had very long black hair, an olive skin and green eyes. Patricia, on the other hand, had light brown hair until her chin and two sweet hazel eyes. Next was Stefan, who was 11 years old, with brown hair and brown eyes. Stefan, the tallest of the group after Adam, with red hair and brown eyes who had a sweet crush on Marianne. Cynthia, who was 11, with short strawberry blonde hair, almost looked like a boy, with brown eyes. Claus, a 10-year-old blond boy, very pale with big blue eyes and the smallest of the group after Lena. Friedrich, who 11, with light brown hair and black eyes. Hans, age 10, with blond hair and brown eyes. And last was Aurick, who was missing because he was grounded. Aurick was 10 years old and also quite tall for his age, with blue eyes and black hair.

There could be many more, but many children in Shingashina were not allowed to play, having many obligations that they had to fulfill. Some had to guard the cattle, some were required to work in the fields, which all the children eventually had to help, some were even working. Most of the girls were also forced to stay at home, to do chores like cooking, embroidery, or cleaning. Their parents simply wouldn't let them live out their childhood.

"Guys!!! The other day I found this book and read it! We can play something related to this!" Marianne said, as she picked up a book she had kept in her bag.

Meanwhile, the children had all gathered under the tree in the field right in front of the wall to plan their next game.

"What's it about, Mari?" little Cynthia asked, standing beside her with curiousity. It was a very old, dusty book with a brown cover.

"It's about a man who steals the money of the rich to give to the poor. Then he has battles with justice and the king. We can do it like a play!" the brunette girl said, excitedly.

Lena was also excited. It was the perfect story for them to play. She was already imagining pretending to be in a fight and ending up flat on the floor.

"Marianne, since when does a girl read things like this?" Claus asked jokingly, but the girl didn't seem to find it funny.

"Did someone ask your opinion, Claus? Then shut up" Marianne complained, being immediately supported by Lena, Cynthia and Patricia. They loved their boy friends, but there were some really dumb ones who didn't understand why they liked to play with them.

"Yes, Claus! Just for that, I'm going to be Robin Hood! To show you that girls can be better heroes!" Lena laughed, having found the perfect opportunity, not only to annoy the boys, but also to be the main character in the story.

The other boys immediately started complaining, naming the different reasons why each of them should be Robin Hood. Patricia had already decided that she would be the king, and Marianne had already decided to be Little John. But they all wanted to be the protagonist.

"Guys, wait!" Adam said who, being the oldest, captured everyone's attention "I think Lena should be the Robin Hood. She always wants to be the hero but never is because she's the youngest. I think we should give her a chance"

Lena smiled from ear to ear and thanked Adam with her eyes, her freckled cheeks already red. She thought Adam was amazing. He was a leader by nature and always stood up for her when she needed him. He was her best friend there. He always went along with her on pranks and was a lot of fun. Her more romantic side even said he was a prince, what a child's crush...

...

After the game, the clothes of the group of friends were already full of green marks from the grass and full of dirt from the falls. The hill gave a huge view of Shingashina and Wall Maria. At that moment, everyone had already gone to the party, it had been two hours since lunchtime. The annual Shingashina party brought all the people together. However, Lena and Adam stayed a few minutes longer, admiring the boats floating on the river, full of goods for the richest people on the walls. The bells of Shingashina rang and echoed, creating a magical effect. The two children were lying on the grass, just feeling the wind on their childish, innocent faces.

"You know, Lena..." the curly-haired boy began, looking down at the verdant grass. The little gingerhead looked at him curiously "I'm thinking of going into the military, now that I'm old enough"

"What? To the military?!" Lena asked in surprise and shock. She had not expected Adam to become a soldier. Her heart broke a little as soon as he said it. If Adam went into the military, he would leave Shingashina forever....

"Yes, to join the Military Police and help the people on our walls" Adam replied, determined and confident "I want to do some justice within the walls. Stop the bad men who do bad things"

"So you want to be an MP? Are you sure?" Lena asked, whose voice was already starting to break. She didn't want Adam to leave. She had heard from her parents that it was too dangerous. Or was it the Scout Regiment that was too dangerous? The little ginger girl wasn't sure...But still, the brown haired boy nodded, now looking at the river that lay in front of the two "Why don't you go to the Scout Regiment? I hear they are very brave"

Adam looked at her in complete shock and Lena made a confused expression. Had she said something wrong?

"Brave? The Scout Regiment is useless! I don't understand why we need them. We have the walls to protect us! Why do we need some 'half-assed heroes' to pretend they're bringing us freedom?" Adam sounded angry at the Scout Regiment soldiers, but Lena couldn't understand why. Weren't they helping them kill the monsters and bring freedom to their people?

"So you want to go to the military to be a PM?" Lena asked again, just to make sure that it was what Adam really wanted.

"Yes. I'm going to be the best PM here. Then I'm going to protect the people, stop the bad men, make the walls a better place, live in the interior and be rich!" he replied, always with his confident demeanor that made Lena almost smile.

"And then what are you going to do?"

Adam looked at Lena, his cheeks already turning red. Lena smiled curiously as he looked, once again, ahead. Butterflies were flying in the air and more and more people were entering Shingashina. It really was quite a busy but beautiful day....

"Then I'm getting married" Adam gave her a smile and got up from the grass, from where he was lying. Lena stared at him once more, frowning, already feeling a hint of jealousy. What did he mean by getting married?

"Marry? But who are you marrying?" Lena asked, and Adam's cheeks were getting redder and redder.

"Uh...I don't know yet but..." Adam looked down at the floor, making Lena more and more curious "I was thinking about someone..."

"Really? Who is she...? Do I know her...? Is she one of the girls in our group?" the little gingerhead asked sadly...He really wanted to marry someone...He was going to leave her alone....

"She...She is you, Lena!" replied Adam, as he grabbed Lena's small hands. The little one's freckled cheeks began to turn red and red as well "Lena, I know this is very sudden but will you marry me? Before I go to the military?"

Lena's heart began to beat faster and faster. For the first time, that little redhead who never shut up had been speechless.

"W-WHAT? W-What are you saying?"

"You don't want to, do you? I-I know I don't have much money and I can't even read or write but-"

"NO! OF COURSE I WANT TO!" Lena hugged Adam tightly. At that age, she didn't really understand what it meant to marry or love someone. But if there was one thing little Lena was sure of it was that she wanted to marry Adam, that boy she admired so much "Yes, Adam I want to marry you! Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow! Right here, by this tree!" Adam replied, with a big smile on his freckled, haggard face.

And so, a childhood love story was formed. Maybe Lena wouldn't consider it love some years later. But, it was love. It was love, to what they knew knew about love at that time.

...

After the proposal, Adam and Lena walked back to Shingashina hand in hand. Everything was already in celebration. Basil decorated everywhere, the little stalls where drinks, food and handicrafts were sold. In the background, on the poor little stage, the first musical groups were performing, which would last for the rest of the afternoon and into the night. How people like to party.

The little gingerhead already liked the annual Shingashina party, so being there holding hands with her first boyfriend made it all the more magical. She looked at the freckled-cheeked boy with a smile and rosy cheeks. He even asked her to dance with them later.

Meanwhile, many people were already at the party. A young and beautiful Carla Yeager, dressed up, prettier than ever, was walking among the stalls while holding hands with a tiny Eren, just a year and a half old.

"Ah, Carla is that you?" a familiar voice sounded.

The chestnut-haired woman turned and bumped into a young Hannes who, by the redness of his cheeks, was already half clouded from the drink.

"Good to see you, Hannes. How are you?" Carla greeted, smiling.

"I'm very well, better than ever. I don't miss a Shingashina party" Hannes laughed, and immediately got on his knees to mess with the little brown haired boy "And look who's here. Little Eren. How are you?"

"Say hello to Hannes, Eren" Carla said sweetly to her one and a half year old son, but who quickly hid behind his mother's legs "Come on, Eren. Don't be shy"

"It's okay! So, tell me about it. What have you been doing? How is Dr. Yeager?"

The gingerhead and the brown-haired boy then stopped in front of the little stall Carla and Hannes were talking at, right by the chapel.

"I'm going to have to go home. I still have to go finish going to help my dad build something" Adam said to Lena, separating their hands "But I'll be back tonight, I promise"

"Okay. I'll go look to my house. They are probably waiting for me by now" the gingerhead replied, sadly that the brown haired boy had to leave already.

However, as Adam started to leave, Lena gave him a kiss on the cheek. Leaving him completely flushed, the boy smiled embarrassed and waved goodbye.

Now, not having been discreet with their puppy love, that scene had attracted some attention, namely from the blond man and the young woman, who knew Lena's family. Hannes, in particular, got along very well with Hugo.

"Look, Carla. Am I seeing wrong because of the wine or is that Hugo's daughter with a boy?" Hannes asked Carla, while laughing, who had also spotted the two children.

"Well, it sure looks like it. Those blue eyes really are her Dad's" Carla smiled.

"She is fresh, she is. In terms of boys she takes after her mother, no doubt about it" Hannes laughed at that funny scene, remembering how once a young Liesle was known at the town of dating lot of boys. He wasn't expecting to see the daughter of the saintly Hugo Häustler with a boyfriend so young.

"Oh, Hannes. These are romances of children. You had them too, I had them too" Carla replied, shaking her head. That man wouldn't miss an opportunity to make fun of Hugo "Look, I'll be going. Mrs. Muller won't settle down until she sees Eren. See you later."

As she walked through the atrium looking for her house, still with her mind on her marriage to Adam, the little gingerhead failed to notice a wooden box in front of her, full of basil to decorate the streets. It only took a second for the head in the clouds to trip, fall into the box full of those plants, and fall back to the ground, flipping everything over and skinning her knees, already on top of another skinning.

The redhead was shedding tears of pain. Her knees were already skinned from one last fez that had fallen on stone, it hurt even more.

"Oh my god! Are you okay honey?" a voice asked Lena. The little girl looked up and saw a beautiful woman who was holding hands with a little boy...Maybe only a 1 year old. He couldn't even walk properly yet.

"Thank you, ma'am" said Lena, smiling from ear to ear. Which made the woman give her a smile as well.

"You're welcome. Are you looking for your parents? You looked a little lost" Carla giggled as she looked at the little girl's figure. She was a cute little girl with those freckled chubby cheeks.

Lena looked at the little boy, only 1 year old, who was hiding behind his mother. Or at least, supposed to be his mother. She smiled again.

"No, I'm going to my house so we can come to the party later" Lena replied.

"You should be more careful. Look at the state of your knees" Lena laughed at the nice woman, while the brunette shook her head "Our house is not far from here and my husband is a doctor. Maybe he could see your little damage before your parents find out"

Lena just smiled at that woman who was sweeter than honey. She didn't think she needed to be seen by a doctor, but her parents would kill her if she came home with blood all over her face and knees.

"Thank you so much! I apologize, but what is your name, ma'am?"

"Carla Yeager" the woman gave that nice woman a gentle smile "And this is my son, Eren"

The little 9 year old looked at the small child, clearly embarrassed by that situation. He hid behind his mother and Lena smiled at him, which made him even more embarrassed.

"Hi, Eren!" said Lena in her sweet voice. Eren looked at her, but didn't say anything "I'm Elena, but you can call me Lena"

"Eren! Say hello to this pretty girl" Carla warned, pushing the boy closer to Lena, who blushed at the compliment.

"H-hello... " Eren shyly said, which made the little gingerhead girl smile even more at his cuteness. Contrary to what some people could think, Lena's smiles were genuine. It was as if anyone who looked at her smiling wanted to smile too.

And it was like this, that an old and beautiful friendship began. The friendship between little Lena and little Eren, that would last forever.

...

At that moment Grisha Yeager, the doctor, was examining Lena's knee. It was nothing to worry about, but still, it was convenient to have it seen by someone, if only to disinfect it. As luck would have it, it was Shingashina's annual party, so Grisha was home for those three days.

"Hmm..." the doctor muttered to himself, taking his eyes off the gingerhead girl's knees "You did quite a service to your knees, but you'll be fine. You just have a few little pieces of wood stuck in your skin. With alcohol and a pair of tweezers we'll get them out easily."

Lena wasn't too worried. She had fallen out of trees many times before and that time it was just a small wooden box, but it still hurt a little. Grisha knelt down so that she was at the same level as the little redhead.

"You should be more careful. I noticed your knees were already skinned from other times weren't they?" Lena nodded, saying nothing. The tall man went to his emergency kit and took out a small wooden box. Kneeling down again, he took out cotton and dipped the cotton in the liquid of the box "This is going to hurt a little, okay?"

Carla and Eren watched that scene. The doctor started to put some liquid on the girl's knee. Lena moaned in a little pain, but managed to contain herself until the doctor took the cotton from her knee. With tweezers, he removed the rest of the pieces of wood. It had hurt a little, but not much.

"And...it's done. Be more careful next time, you hear me?" Lena nodded and stood up from the wooden chair. The beautiful young woman looked at her with an amused expression.

"She's a brave little girl, isn't she, Eren? She didn't even cry..." Eren's cheeks flushed as soon as Lena looked at him. Once again, he hid behind his mother, who was laughing at her son's shyness and cuteness "Come on, Eren. You're not usually this shy"

"Elena" began Doctor Yeager and the little girl turned her head towards him "Are your parents at the party or are they still at home?"

"Right, I don't know. They weren't at the party, so they are probably still waiting for me at home" Lena replied, shaking her head "But I don't live very far away. I live in one of the first houses in the south, near the Wall"

"Well... If you're still at home, you'd better go now. Your parents must be getting worried..." Grisha said, as Lena walked towards the door with a smile on her face and examined her knees, to confirm that they were already okay.

"Thank you so much, doctor. For making healing my knees" she smiled, causing the doctor to give her a small smile as well. Then, she turned to Carla "And thank you so much, ma'am. For helping me."

Carla could only smile at that little girl of 9 years old, so small, with such red hair full of curls and chubby, freckled cheeks. She wondered if she would ever have a daughter, while Eren only looked at her, shy and embarrassed.

"If you need anything, we are always here"

...

After 20 minutes of walking, Lena finally arrived home.

She walked through the small garden where various vegetables were planted, a little afraid of what her parents might think when she got home, with her old dress completely green and full of dirt and her knees suspiciously red. And on her face, it looked as if a cat had taken its revenge. Then, finally, Lena knocked on the door.

The little ginger girl heard a few footsteps toward the door and was welcomed with her mother's worried expression.

"Elena!" exclaimed the middle-aged woman, pulling the little girl by the wrist into the house "Where have you been?! We were so worried!!!"

Liesle hugged Lena tightly and she just giggled at that sudden gesture. It was rare to have physical contact from her mother. It was more her father who physically showed their affection. Separating from each other, Liesle watched her youngest daughter.

"Dear, God! Your knees are all skinned! Don't tell me you fell out of that stupid tree again!"

"No, no! I fell because of a wood box!!"

"It's always the same thing! Always falling, the other children don't go to their homes in late and on this state!" Liesle said, with her eyebrows frowning.

"Just this morning you said what others do is not your business, and now you say this?" Lena crossed her arms and sulked. Her mother was always the same thing, comparing only when it benefited her.

"Ah, Elena. Don't answer me" Liesle stroke back, already irritated. Suddenly, she placed her eyes on Lena's skinned knees "Wait...Did you put alcohol in here?"

Lena realized what her mother meant and nodded.

"I didn't. A doctor who lives further north treated my knees. He was very nice!" Lena smiled and Liesle's eyes widened.

"A doctor? What was his name?"

"Oh, now I can't remember"

"Wasn't he Dr. Yeager?"

"YES!" Grisha Yeager, that was just it. He had really been nice to her. However, her mother didn't look very happy "Why are you making that face, Mom?"

"I can't believe you arrive later at house, skinned your knees and went and bothered poor Dr. Yeager!! I swear Elena, you're just like your father!" Liesle spoke loudly, making the gingerhead feel bad for giving her mother so much trouble. But at the same time, trying to hold back laughs because seeing her mother irritated could be a scary, yet funny exprience "Well, get in there to get dressed for the party. And hurry up!"

And so, Liesle and Lena entered the house and were faced by Louise and Peter's curious gaze. Together they let out a smile. They already knew what had happened and couldn't help but find it funny that their mother was losing her temper with their little sister.

"Did you see, Mama? I told you she was coming!" Peter joked, taking a sip from a glass of water. Louise was just smiling sweetly at Lena.

"She was coming, she was coming. And if something happened, what would it be like?" exclaimed Liesle, angrily to her youngest daughter.

"Liesle...Calm down. She just came a bit later. Nothing to worry about..." Hugo said, entering the room already all ready, with his blond hair well gelled and his beard done.

In that house, it was always Hugo who tried to calm things down when there was an argument. Between Liesle and her children or between the siblings, which happened more between Liesle and Peter who, after all, were only 1 year apart in age.

"And then you continue with your talk! The streets of Shingashina at dawn are no place for a 9 year old girl" Liesle continued insisting on the same thing.

As Hugo could see that Liesle was already getting worked up, he approached the little redhead and gave her a sly smile. Lena answered him with a playful face. He already knew what he intended to do to calm the tempers.

"Oh Lena. Why don't I bring the guitar so we can all sing a little before we go to the party?" Hugo asked , which made Lena's big blue eyes shine even brighter. It had been a long time since they had all gotten together to play.

"For God's sake, Hugo. Not the stupid guitar again. You know I hate music in the middle of an argument! On top of that we're going to be late and Elena hasn't even showered yet!" Liesle explained in an angry and irritated tone of voice. All Hugo could do was to burst out laughing.

"What argument?" Hugo asked with a smile, which made Liesle hold back a smile as well. The next moment he turned to Lena again "Come on! Let's get the guitar!"

...

Hugo and Lena entered the living room with the guitar in Hugo's hands. Louise and Peter joined them, also ready to listen to music. The older children did not pay much attention to music, as did Liesle. But Hugo loved it, and he transmitted this love for music to Lena as well. The little gingerhead always said that her personality came from her father. And of course, with pride.

"Very well..Do I have any suggestions?" Hugo asked, already seated in the living room chair, as he tuned his instrument "A traditional song, a fado, a love song?"

The freckled cheeks was the first to raise her hand, her giant blue eyes shining.

"That ginger-headed lady there!" he replied smiling.

"Can it be...the one that you used to play played for mom when you were younger?"

Liesle rolled her green eyes with her cheeks turning red. If there was any way to make Liesle embarrassed it was to remind her of her relationship with her husband when they were younger. How much in love they were. Hugo just smiled at his wife and replied with a "of course you can". And slowly he started to play...

(click the link and listen to the song :))

https://youtu.be/HS1OLc1WWnY

"Wise men say only fools rush in
But I can't help falling in love with you" Hugo winked at Lena and gave her his playful smile. The little gingerheaded girl supported her head with her hands, sitting on the living room floor as she sighed, just feeling the melody of the song.

"Shall I stay?
Would it be a sin
If I can't help falling in love with you?" Hugo looked at Liesle with a sweet gaze still full of passion. Liesle smiled and rested her head on the wall behind her.

"Darling so it goes
Some things are meant to be
Take my hand, take my whole life too
For I can't help falling in love with you
Like a river flows surely to the sea
Darling so it goes
Some things are meant to be
Take my hand, take my whole life too
For I can't help falling in love with you
For I can't help falling in love with you..."

Hugo stopped playing and Lena's big blue eyes sparkled...She loved music so much...It was an inexplicable love. Especially with her father singing and playing with his old guitar...

Her family all together, with her father playing his guitar and singing... That was the picture Lena missed the most about her childhood...

Chapter Text

And, like a soft summer breeze, so nine years passed.

Lena had become good friends with Eren, Armin, and later Mikasa. Of course, being 8 years older than the children, the still small gingerhead did not spend as much time with them as they passed with each other. They were many years apart and Lena, now 18, had many more responsibilities. However, this did not stop them from becoming almost a family, with the freckled cheeks being a true big sister to the three children, for whom they had great affection.

Their childhood friends had all gone their separate ways. The vast majority finished their studies and went to live in Wall Rose, others went into the military along with Adam. Sometimes she wondered if Adam had become a PM as he wished. Lena had sent him so many letters after he left...But he never answered any of them. Apparently he was not not up to live a silly childhood romance. Now at 18, the memories of the "marriage" gave her a certain shame. But at the same time, it filled her with nostalgia for her happy, naive childhood.

Besides Adam, Lena had had many loves over the years... She was a woman of passions, of falling madly in love, and falling out of it the next day... 

Long orange curls, dry and dehydrated, fell over the shoulders of the young woman. Her sad blue eyes stared into an embroidered sparrow. She and her mother both sat in the cobbled room, doing embroidery. The death of the good man Hugo was three years ago, but the women of the house were still mourning. A somber mood, though as bright as they let it be, had permeated the house since that day.

Now Liesle was sick, too. And Peter and Louise had left home years ago, started working, married and started a family. With misery spreading and no time to fish, they had to sell their stall in the Shingashina market. It was up to Lena to support herself and her mother.

"Peter told me in his last letter that they are looking for shoemakers in Utopia" the hoarse voice from Liesle's already enraged mouth sounded through the kitchen. The middle-aged woman had chapped lips, unkempt hair, and a voice that, once so commanding, sounded weak.

Peter was a shoemaker in Wall Rose with his wife Aurora, who was from a middle class family, very honest and humble. They already had a 2-year-old boy. Louise was about to have her first child, by an Aristocrat from Mitras, Wall Sina. Only good news for the family. They were in the interior, further and further away from the Titans, and with stable lives without any poverty.

Lena let out a big sigh, not taking her eyes off her embroidery, which was to be a centerpiece on an empty table. And with a whiff of rosemary to beautify the room. So that even in misery there was beauty.

"Well, Mom, what bad news. Peter will just get more competition for shined shoes" the gingerhead gave an answer that didn't please her stern mother.

"Don't give me smart talk. He told you already the last time he was here, I know well he did" Liesle warned, with her demanding, yet somewhat concerned and distressed expression "Can you tell me, Elena, why didn't you accept?"

Lena's blue eyes came out of the embroidery and stared at her mother. The mother whose soul had once been much wilder and full of fire. Now, she looked like a gray cloud being squeezed out so that rain would come out. Liesle had not shed a tear since Hugo had died, but her daughter knew how much she had suffered...

"Mom, I don't want to be a shoemaker" the little redhead replied with another sigh.

During the day, Lena worked as a waitress in a tavern in Shingashina. It wasn't a very well-regarded job, and she couldn't say she liked it. But it was close to her home, where she could watch Liesle whenever she needed, and every now and then they would let her sing. Sometimes she even sang in the streets to earn a few more coins.

She didn't see a soul in herself that she knew either, but still, she knew herself well enough to realize that being a shoemaker would only kill her more.

"Would you rather serve in a tavern full of scum?" Liesle said, in a stern tone.

"I'm also studying medicine with Dr. Yeager. The tavern won't last forever" Lena went back to embroidering, to avoid her mother's disappointed look.

If there was one passion for Lena besides music, it was medicine. One day she dreamed of opening a children's hospital, but Dr. Yeager was away too long, so he couldn't give her enough lessons compared to a medical or nursing course at Wall Sina.

"With the times he's here you'll get to my age still not being a doctor"

"I wouldn't mind just singing until then"

Lena would not have made it through those years without singing, nor without playing on her father's guitar. She sang in the street, she sang at home, she sang everywhere. And people even stopped to listen to her voice. If she was as good at medicine as she was at singing, she would be an excellent nurse or doctor.

She sang her pain out of her chest, her joy and her sadness.

Just like her father, much to Liesle's chagrin.

"Oh daughter, you are disgraced. You have the same disease as your father" her mother almost cried, but tried to stand firm as she always had been "The same disease that killed him"

That sentence, Lena insurged.

"Music didn't kill my father. If anything, it saved him so many years" the gingerhead stopped embroidering and stared again into Liesle's green eyes "What killed father was that he was poor. And that he couldn't afford the surgery"

"Then keep on singing we will remain poor" Liesle continued with her eyes on the centerpiece.

"I'm going to sing in the street. People give me money sometimes. And in the tavern they let me sing too" Lena replied with her smile, as she got up from her chair where she was sitting. In the midst of all that heartache, music would still be a part of her life "And so, in the meantime, I stay alive..."

Liesle turned back her centerpiece, but she couldn't keep a smile from appearing on her face. Even between all of that sorrow, the mother couldn't deny that it made her feel better knowing her daughter was doing what she loved, and how she didn't give up despite everything...

"You were always the stubborn one of the three..." her mother said, though with a sad cheerfulness in her voice "You're going to lunch with Ingrid's son and his wife, aren't you?"

"I am. I'm going to play with Eren, Mikasa and Armin now in the morning. Then Patricia and Friederich invited me to lunch there" Lena commented, before fetching her guitar "You know I'd take care of you today too, there was no need to bother Mrs. and Mr. Wagner"

"Nonsense. It's your day off and your great friends are here"

"They could come over and I'd prepare something"

"Oh, oh Elena shut up and go. Prepare something.... You're a terrible cook, you've been working all week and young people don't want old people around" the woman said and Lena sighed with a smile, with a mix of compassion but fear as well "Go enjoy your youth, I enjoyed mine"

Before she went, the gingerhead went to her mother and gave her a hug and a kiss on the forehead. With the years, Liesle had also become more affectionate than she was...

Lena loved her so much...

And so, 3 years after leaving her childhood, having grown up, she was more alive than ever. Even in the midst of so much loss, in the midst of so many struggles, joys and sadness, the wild and spontaneous little gingerhead was still alive.

There were times when she thought a lot about death, since her father had died, and when she saw the Scout Regiment soldiers returning. It was something that frightened her, but she put an effort to stop being so afraid. After all, life was a unique miracle, and death was a part of it.

But even with so much sadness in her chest, which was reflected in her sad blue eyes, but which still showed joy, Lena kept on living.

Maybe it was because she was so afraid of death that she lived so intensely...

...

Her long curls flew in the sweet morning wind, as she looked to the horizon. Or rather... the giant wall in front of her. The wall she had known all her life. Lena wondered if they would ever be able to live outside of it, if they would be able to go anywhere and see anything they wanted...

She already had her notebook and her guitar, already ready to go to the big green and flowery fields. Where she used to spend her childhood, dreaming, running and jumping.

And the longing she had...

The little gingerhead began to walk through the streets of Shingashina, her long curls flying in the wind. The inhabitants of the district always saw her as a somewhat eccentric, yet funny girl. Of course, she didn't care about such things. She was polite, honest and a good person. And that's what really mattered. Of course, she also had her faults, like any human being. Clumsy, stubborn, perhaps too forward and impulsive, and of course always with her head in the clouds. It was rare that her boss didn't complain about broken dishes on the floor.

Her blue eyes could already spot the smiling faces of Armin and Eren. Mikasa was not one of showing much emotion, only to Eren, who had already explained to Lena what had happened to the little girl. It was indeed a very sad story, making her the most reserved of the three. But still, the beautiful black-haired girl also had a fondness for the freckled cheeks.

"Hey, Lena!!!" Eren shouted, with a big smile. Lena reciprocated with an even bigger one. She had known that boy since he was only 1 year old. He was really grown up.

The redhead started to run, already excited to go to the three children, but it wasn't long before she tripped over a stone halfway down the sidewalk and fell flat on the ground, as usual. The three children realized the fall and ran towards the 18-year-old, who could only complain about the fall.

"Lena, are you okay?" Armin complained, holding out his small hand to her. The smiling girl grabbed his hand and, with the blonde's help, managed to get up off the floor. With great luck, neither her notebook or her guitar were broken.

"It's always the same thing! Always falling! " Lena complained to herself, as she touched her back, not even noticing that she had imitated her mother "But I'm fine!!! This was nothing, I spend my life on the floor!!!"

...

The four friends went to the same green fields by the Wall, while Eren and Mikasa went to get some branches and wood for the winter. Lena and Armin decided to help them, and after a short time the four of them were lying on the ground looking up at the sky.

The gingerhead felt the grass on her body. She loved her days off, and especially loved spending them with those children.

"Look, look, that one looks like a duck!!!! Can you see it? Look at the beak there!!!" Lena laughed as she pointed to the big cloud in the blue sky. She was dressed in a white blouse with sleeves up to her elbows and a long dark brown skirt, with a red and blue apron tied around her waist.

"That one looks like a butterfly..." Mikasa said softly. Lena smiled at her, even though she wasn't looking. She admired Mikasa so much. So young but already so strong...Maybe even stronger than the gingerhead herself. Lena had always considered herself a rather weak soul, not that she couldn't take care of herself. But emotionally, she was very weak and especially cried so much. She cried so much that sometimes she wondered how she hadn't dehydrated herself yet....

"Lena..." Eren called out, rolling his green eyes, which captured the young woman's attention.

"What is it, Eren?"

"I'm tired of looking at the clouds...Can you play for us?" the 10-year-old asked. Lena giggled in defeat. That boy really loved music, or at least the music she played.

She quickly got up from the grass, followed by the three children. And, walking in steady strides, the freckled cheeks picked up her trusty guitar, which had been made by her father when he was still a young boy. He taught her to play and sing, and it quickly became an incomparable and giant passion. It made her feel alive and not trapped in some silly Wall.

"All right! What song do you want to sing?" the little gingerhead asked, as she tuned the guitar strings. Armin was the first to suggest something "Go ahead, Armin!"

"That one! About the rainbows and the birds!" he replied with enthusiasm present in his voice, but it quickly faded when Eren rolled his eyes,

"She sings that all the time. Do you know any other songs besides the ones you already played for us?" Eren asked. His eyes greener than Maria's verdant fields sparkled with curiosity. Lena thought about the proposal...Indeed, there was one song she had not yet played for them.

"All right! I'll see if I can think of any!!!" Lena replied, starting to play on the strings of her guitar

(click on the link to hear the song :))

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpqcPKwUWLs&feature=emb_title

"Edelweiss Edelweiss
Every morning you greet me
Small and white
Clean and bright
You look happy to meet me

Blossom of snow may you bloom and grow
Bloom and grow forever

Edelweiss Edelweiss
Bless my homeland forever..."

"Did you like it?" Lena asked, still dreaming of the beautiful song. She looked at the children, who were also staring at her with eyes filled with hope. At the end of it all, it was the song that brought hope in the midst of her humiliating life...They could take everything away from her, but they would never be able to take the song from Lena's heart.

"It was so beautiful..." Mikasa said with her gray eyes shining.

"But what is an edelweiss anyway?" Eren asked curiously. The other two seemed to have the same question on their minds. Lena just smiled and decided to answer them.

"Well...No one has ever seen one. But my father used to tell me that it's a beautiful, white, tiny flower. That it's on the highest of the mountains..." Lena sighed, wondering if, someday, she might see one "It's a thing.... A thing like this"

Lena set her guitar down on the grass and picked up her notebook that was right next to her. She had never seen an edelweiss, but her father had told her the myth about them. Somewhere outside those walls was a hill full of those white and yellow flowers that she loved so much. It was something Lena loved to draw...She wasn't sure why, but thinking about the existence of those flowers filled her with joy and peace.

"Wow...I didn't know you drew so well..." said Eren, his cheeks already red as a bell pepper. Lena smiled at him and closed her old notebook, putting it back down "An edelweiss is that?"

"It's like I said, no one has ever seen one. But...If we ever live in a world without Titans, where we can go anywhere...The first thing I want to do is find an edelweiss..." Lena sighed with a dreamy look looking up at the sky.

One day...One day all that was going to change.... One day her mother would heal, the Walls and the Titans would end forever. She knew it would.

"Really? The first thing I want to do is see the ocean" Armin said, also with a dreamy expression. Armin talked a lot about something called 'ocean' or 'sea'. A giant lake filled with salt water. Eren and Mikasa doubted it a bit, but Lena knew it was true. There was so much out there that they didn't know about. She also knew that the world was much bigger than they would have them believe.

Lena considered herself a dreamer since childhood, a complete head in the clouds, always dreaming about the world, about her music and her drawings. Dreaming about her books she read with the songs she sang. And she dreamed especially of edelweiss.

After all, it was dreaming and in her own world that made her forget the real one...

...

After the morning with Eren, Armin and Mikasa, Lena had to go back to Shingashina to have lunch with her childhood friends. Armin also had to leave early, which was a good thing as Lena could take him home and catch up. The freckled cheeks loved talking to Armin for his imagination and maturity.

"What?? Eren is thinking of going to the Scout Regiment???" Lena asked, shocked at what she had just heard. She would never have imagined that Eren wanted to be a soldier. He spoke often that living trapped behind those walls was humiliating and stupid, but Lena would never have imagined that he would think that far ahead.

Armin and Lena were walking down a noisy street, full of people giving them strange looks. Which caused Armin to immediately ask Lena to speak in a lower tone. It was one of the things Lena didn't like about herself, sometimes she didn't think properly before she said things. She was like a dog among cats. And of course her voice, though soft and sweet, but also naturally high didn't help much.

"I don't know if that's true...He just told me that he seemed to be interesting..." said Armin lightly, moving closer to Lena.

Lena made an even more shocked expression as they passed through the filthy streets. Some religious fanatics were shouting about the Walls and the Goddesses, but it's not like they weren't used to it. They also passed a group of nuns, who were singing in chorus and giving coins to the poorest. Lena sighed...

"Do you think it's crazy?" Armin asked, obviously curious about her opinion.

The little gingerhead just gave a small sigh, as she smiled. Eren was still young and full of dreams. He was still too young to think about things like Titans, deaths and Scouts.

"I don't. But now that I think about, that idea is really Eren's face!" Lena laughed, thinking of a little brown haired boy fighting a giant Titan "You are at the age of dreaming about the world outside.... Dreaming about what's outside the Walls..."

"I don't think it's mere curiosity... It's just Eren who lives very disgusted with this world. He says it's humiliating to live like cattle..."

"Look, do you want to know what I think? I think Eren is too young to think about such things" Lena replied, looking into the curious eyes of the little blond boy.

"So means you think it's crazy, doesn't it?" Armin asked again, with a sigh.

"Armin, that's not what I said" Lena smiled sweetly at the blond haired boy. She knew Armin was a smart boy, so she knew it was worth it to be honest with him "Ten year old boys shouldn't worry about wars or deaths.... It's not right..."

Lena couldn't remember being 10 years old and having as much maturity as those kids. All she cared about was climbing trees and falling out of trees.... To go play with her friends from her neighborhood and to sing their songs. However, she also realized that they did not have the same childhood that she had, and it gave her anguish. They had suffered so much... So much and at such a young age... The world could be really unfair.

However, like any child, she also remembered dreaming about outside the Walls, and thought about the Scouts who were going to fight those monsters.

"You think we're growing up too fast..." the blond boy commented, to see if it was really what Lena was intending.

"You want me to be honest, honest yes, I do. But it doesn't matter, it's normal to have those dreams. After all, it's the dream that commands life!" Lena laughed at that conversation. So she looked up at the sky and inhaled deeply "It just makes me sad to know that you didn't get to have the happy childhood I had..."

At that moment, it was Armin's turn to look down. He knew that Lena's situation was getting worse and worse, and he knew how much she missed the times when she was happy...

The redhead was 18, she was also young, and she wasn't enjoying her youth either by having to work all the time and worry about things that someone 18 years old shouldn't worry about. Paying for medicine, taxes, food, clothes, her mother's illness... But in spite of this she was always smiling and not letting herself get discouraged, because she knew it was still her life. And she would enjoy those small moments, because that was what made life special in his eyes.

Fighting hard, loving deeply and dreaming big...

"But by the way, does Mikasa know that? I wanted to see her let Eren go to Scout Regiment alone..." Lena gave the blond boy a big smile again, not believing that the little girl would let the brown haired boy go to that adventure by himself.

"I don't think Mikasa likes the idea very much..." Armin scratched the back of his neck, remembering the moment Eren told the girl with the hair

"I thought so... It's her and Mrs. Yeager. Oh I want to see when Eren tells her, she'll be pricking him with needles until he bursts" the little gingerhead laughed, as she walked down the street along with Armin.

If she knew Eren's mother well, and she had known her for nine long years, it was that she had the same temper as her mother. Always with their feet on the ground, not liking adventures or dreams about the life outside the Walls. And especially, how they cared so much for their children...

"What about you, Lena? Have you ever thought about going to the Scout Regiment? You want to go out there so much, I thought you might want to go..." the blond mumbled the last sentence, yet Lena could hear and gave the 10-year-old a sweet smile.

"Me? That would be beautiful, I'd stick myself against a tree before a Titan got me" the little gingerhead laughed at Armin's question "I don't belong out there. It's here, with you, with mamma, with you, with Eren and Mikasa"

She sounded so sure about her future...But inside she was so scared and confused. Her mother would not live forever, Lena wished she would. What could she do when it was all over? Maybe she would become a doctor, like Grisha Yeager. Or maybe she could be a singer, or an artist. Or maybe even a nun...I loved watching the nuns sing in the streets. They were so kind, and Lena admired them so much.

Or maybe...She would never be able to recover from another loss....

"So you want to stay here in Shingashina?" Armin asked once again confused. Lena was so adventurous, and she didn't seem the type to want to live until she died in her homeland.

Lena looked down and wondered.

She didn't have that many choices. Her mother needed her there and she had nowhere else to go. Going to her brothers' house was not an option, after all they were starting their own families. Families that had no room left for her younger sister.

She had to admit she wasn't the most hard working person, at least before Hugo's death. But she worked hard to give her mother the life she deserved. Louise and Peter would give her some money to support the household, but still, it wasn't enough. And with what she earned at the tavern plus the expenses of when she accidentally broke a plate, for example, it wasn't enough to give her mother and herself the life she wanted.

Life played many tricks; it hurt Lena that she could never have finished her studies. But she had no time to complain.

"Where am I supposed to go?" Lena asked, this time in a lower, more melancholy tone, as she looked down. Armin frowned and the little gingerhead looked at him again "My mother needs me here. And I don't want to go to a job I don't even like. But... That's a thing you don't have to worry about yet, Armin."

Armin sighed sadly... Lena didn't understand that both he, Eren, and Mikasa understood what she was going through. They understood too much. And she understood the reason for their sadness, she just wanted the three of them to have the happy childhood that the freckled cheeks had had, before they felt the reality of adulthood on their skin.

Lena did everything to make them happy. She sang with them, played with them, helped them with the housework whenever she could... Just like a sister, who only wanted the good of her brothers and sisters. There were no words for the love she felt for those children.

"Elena?" a voice was heard. Lena looked forward and came across a tall, blond man dressed in Garrison's uniform. The little redhead didn't recognize him at the moment, but as soon as she saw his brown eyes, she could. It was Hannes.

"Hannes, good morning!!" Lena said cheerfully. Hannes approached and was surprised to see Armin next to her "It's been so long!"

"I haven't seen you in years! Look at you! You're a grown woman!" the blond man exclaimed, causing Lena to let out a few laughs "But still you can't even reach my shoulders, can you?"

"You know how it is! I'll get anywhere, even with a chair!" Lena replied with a big smile, which caused Armin to giggle as well. Hannes looked at the 10-year-old boy with curiosity.

"And you, Armin how are you? Your grandfather was looking for ya" Hannes said and Armin put his hand on his forehead. Lena gave the blond boy her usual playful smile.

"DANG IT! I'm late for lunch! Bye, Lena!" Armin rushed, as he ran toward his house, leaving Lena laughing at his sudden haste. He was always a stressed but funny kid.

And so, the soldier and the young woman stood alone in the middle of the Shingashina market. A smell of bread, herbs, and fresh fish permeated the space. It smelled... Home.

Lena watched Armin running through the streets of Shingashina and suddenly remembered when she was his age. Full of dreams, full of hope. She was still full of dreams and full of hope. But back then she had no worries and no responsibilities. Just a little girl of 10, climbing trees and coming home with her knees all skinned.

The little gingerhead smiled. Longing for the times that were gone... And fear for the times to come...

"You miss being a child, don't you?" asked Hannes, making the freckled cheeks turn her gaze in his direction. After a small laugh, she let out a big sigh.

"Not of being a child... Of how life was so simple back then..." Lena looked down, drawing circles with her feet "But there you go, times change, challenges change..."

"It was how many years ago?"

"3 years ago today..." Lena sighed. They were talking about the death of her father. He and Hannes were old friends, from when they were young. Hannes was devastated by his death and had not seen Lena and the rest of the family since the funeral.

"And you still go play with the kids, and smile like nothing has happened" Hannes said, in a playfull, but somehow sad expression "How can you do it?"

"Well...It's like he used to say...Fight hard, love deeply and dream big. Even if life plays cruel pranks on us, we shouldn't ever give up and never be afraid of giving the love we have to others" Lena said in a sorrowful expression "I really miss my father, and if I could make a wish, I just wished he was here with us... But life goes on. That's why I'm going to live by his words until I die. And I have to show that to the kids too"

"You do well...And you are helping your mother, right?" asked Hannes. Lena looked down, a little embarrassed...

"Yes, I'm taking care of her. I work in a tavern and sing in the street."

"What about your brothers? Aren't they living in Wall Sina?"

"Peter is in Rose. Louise is in Mitras, in Sina" with that information, Hannes was a bit confused.

"So but they...Can't they give you money to pay the rent and the medicine and stuff? Or are you the one who has to pay for everything?"

Lena sighed and looked at the floor.... People always asked her the same question and she always knew the answer.

"They help, well, but it's not much.... Louise and Peter already have a family to take care of" the little gingerhead replied "Louise pays the doctor who helps treat her mother, Peter helps pay some of the rent but.... Medicines, the rest of the rent, clothes, food.... It's not enough"

Hannes had been surprised by this information. He couldn't understand how, especially his eldest who had married an aristocrat, wouldn't give him enough money to take care of his mother.

He also knew, however, that Lena had never been very focused on work, unlike her siblings. She used to live a very bohemian life of singing, music and local parties. Being handed such a responsibility had helped her a lot to mature and to see what life really costed. On the other hand, she knew how hard it had been for the girl to give up her studies.

"So...you don't say anything about it?" asked Hannes, in shock. Lena was not someone who shut up easily. Sometimes she was even too forward and didn't think twice before saying things.

"You know, Hannes... Times are hard for everyone and it wasn't fair for me not to contribute to my mother's health either. And believe me, I've had to get upset many times when they they didn't pay what they should "Lena replied, her sad eyes staring at the man "But, even so, family is family. We have to help each other."

"I actually thought you were learning medicine from Dr. Yeager"

"Yeah and I am...But I can only on my days off and most of the time he's not even in Shingashina.... My mother even says I'll get to her age without being a doctor"

"That's a shame... You could become a doctor, like him. It would improve your mother's life immensely..." Hannes commented, with a certain pity for that family.

"And believe me, I'd be doing something I really enjoy... I'd be happier than a flea on a dog" the little gingerhead sighed, thinking how much she loved her mother, and how much she wished she could give her a life she deserved and at the same time see her daughter happy and succeeding well in life...

"Exactly... Anyway, won't you join us for some cards and wine?" Hannes tried to brighten the conversation with a topic that everyone was excited to talk about. Wine.

"Hannes... Believe me it pains me to have to refuse wine!" Lena laughed "But I'm already going to drink at the house of some friends of mine who came over for the weekend. See you later!"

"See you! And you know that also if you need anything, just let me know" Hannes smiled and ruffled her curly ginger hair. Lena also started laughing until the blond man let her go.

"Thank you so much, Hannes!!! It was a pleasure to see you again!!!" Lena said, returning to her usual cheerfulness.

"The pleasure was all mine" Lena started running towards her old friend's house "Oh Elena!! That way is the gate!!

"OH RIGHT! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!"

The blond man let out a few laughs again....

Once Lena Häuslter, always Lena Häuslter...

...

KNOCK!
KNOCK!
KNOCK!

Lena waited impatiently for the door to finally be opened. She couldn't wait to see her old friends. And, most of all, to have an afternoon to relax after so much work, laughing until she cried as she always did when she was with them. And she hadn't seen them for so long, they would surely reminisce again about their happy memories...

Suddenly Lena spotted someone opening the door. There was Patricia. One of her childhood friends, and daughter of her parents' friends. Tall, slim, brown eyes and long brown hair. God, she looked beautiful. Her honey-sweet eyes were the same, as was her enthusiastic smile, just like Lena's.

"Lena!!!" exclaimed Patricia, as happy as Lena was to finally meet again.

Suddenly, the brunette hugged Lena tightly in her arms. They were laughing, but also crying with excitement and happiness. Patricia still had the same smell of strawberries. Lena loved strawberries! So she always remembered Patricia's smell.

"OH HELLO PATRICIA! THE WAY I MISSED YOU!!!" Lena screamed on Patricia's shoulder. On their faces were huge smiles and rosy cheeks.

They separated from each other and looked at each other intently. From top to bottom. All they could do was smile and laugh with each other. The way they always did when they were innocent children.

"Wow!!! look at you!!! You look stunning!" Patricia commented, making Lena laugh even harder "If it wasn't for the red hair I wouldn't even recognize you!"

In that respect, Patricia was correct. Lena's long, unruly fire-colored curls reminded anyone of the girl anywhere they went. Maybe that was the reason why almost everyone in Shingashina knew who she was. Well...The fact that a hurricane, aka her loud and eccentric personality, came in tandem with her body also helped.

Lena had also lost quite a bit of weight. She had always been a chubby child and young woman, she loved to eat and was naturally largee, just like her mother. However, after so many shocks in her life, she had lost quite a bit of weight.

"Look at me?? Look at you!!! You're even taller!!!" Lena smiled non-stop at her old friend.

"Oh Lena, keep your voice down! I can hear you even in the kitchen!!!" a shout of Stefan's playful, low pitched voice was heard from the living room, although they couldn't see him yet.

"Stefan!!! You know how I am! I don't control the timbre very well, only singing!" Lena replied, feeling so good to be with those people she had seen growing up.

"Come on, come on in Lena. We have a lot to talk about" Patricia replied to the teasing of the two, and moving away from the door politely.

...

After a good lunch, a piglet made at Wall Rose, which Lena couldn't even remember ever having eaten, the five childhood friends spent the afternoon talking, drinking, and laughing with each other until they couldn't anymore.

The two boys, Stefan and Friederich were much taller, there was no doubt about it. Stefan, who was a frumpy boy, full of pimples on his face, was well formed and a very handsome man. Friederich had always been a handsome boy, and now he seemed to be even more so. With his black eyes and hair in an undercut, he looked like a real prince.

Marianne, who had married Stefan, was also beautiful. She had always been a beautiful girl, with somewhat darker skin, long black hair, and sweet hazel eyes. Her strong personality hadn't changed much either, which sometimes clashed with her husband's laid-back manner.

"Oh my!! And remember at that Shingashina party when Aurick got drunk and climbed a tree saying he was a bat?" Marianne laughed, already a little clouded from the wine they had been drinking.

"Aurick was screwed for drinking too, all it took was a couple of glasses and he was already on the ground!" Stefan replied, still with one glass in his hand, and the other around his wife's shoulders.

They were all in the living room of Patricia's parents' house, who were at that moment at Liesle's house taking care of her. Lena still felt very guilty for having gone to disturb the gentlemen and to be with their friends while her mother was ill. But, she tried to think that one day it wouldn't hurt either.

The three of them spent the afternoon talking.

Laughing, smiling and remembering good times. Maybe that was what the 18 year old girl needed...to see her childhood friends again. Patricia's house was the same. Not too big and not too small. Made of wood and stone and with a window from which you could see all of Shingashina. The redhead felt like she was home. The sun was almost setting and it was a beautiful afternoon....

"Oh my god, that's right... How is Aurick doing? I never saw him again" Lena asked, knowing that Aurick, Stefan and Friederich had gone to Military in the same year.

"He's an MP in Sina. He knew a bunch of guys there who gave him a job, but at the academy he didn't move one finger" Stefan replied, somewhat disgusted, giving another goal in the wine "This is a disgrace. And we're the ones paying for these slackers"

"Yeah, and aren't you Garrison people slackers?" Lena asked, wanting to get a reaction from Stefan "I don't know what it's like in Rose, but I just see the ones from here hanging around drinking and playing cards"

"If you think we're slackers it's because you haven't seen the ones in Sina for sure" The redhead gave a half smile, he knew it was all about messing with him.

"That's right, Lena. You haven't by any chance been with Adam? You haven't heard from him?" Friederich asked in a much softer voice than Stefan's.

Lena stopped laughing and looked down at her glass of red wine she was holding....

She couldn't say that Adam still affected her, but she couldn't say that she was completely over him either... After all, he had been her first love, and even though she had had two or three other boyfriends who had also taken different paths in the meantime, she still couldn't get over the curly haired boy who had never answered her letters again.

"What a good question. I don't know, he never answered any letters. I've also given up sending them now" Lena replied, rolling her eyes "I don't know why he never answered me.... All I know is that it hurt me more than a fly being swatted by a slipper"

The other adults looked at each other. Friederich and Stefan were both younger than Adam, so they had not entered the same year as him. They didn't know what had happened to the one who had been the leader of the group of children.

"Yeah, we never saw him again either. He didn't even go to our wedding" Patricia added, taking a gulp from the tea she was drinking.

"Sometimes I see his parents, and they say that when he comes to Shingashina he really only comes to visit, and that he doesn't have time to do many things" the little redhead said... Until, when she looked at the window and saw the sun already setting, she remembered that she had only arranged with Patricia's parents until the evening "Look, I have to leave. Patricia's parents will be here soon"

"Take it easy, girl. But isn't your mom any better?" Stefan asked, watching the freckled cheeks already up and setting her glass on the kitchen table.

"The doctor says she's very unstable.... Most of the crisis are at night or in the winter when it's cold" Lena replied quickly, setting down her wine glass and wiping her brown skirt of the crumbs from the cookies she had eaten.

"What about you, Lena? Are you really thinking of staying in Shingashina?" Marianne asked, not understanding how a young girl like the little redhead would choose to stay in that district that was of no interest to anyone.

The redhead turned to the four adults, already with an expression of no patience, which they could understand as soon as they saw her.

For probably the fifth time that afternoon, Lena sighed...That question had haunted the little redhead's mind all day. First her mother, then Armin, and then Hannes. Yes, she was 18, an adult. But she had already made her choice to stay. It wasn't that complicated to understand.

"I've already said it and I'll say it again. I'm staying here."

In a sudden moment, the ground began to shake. Noises of what sounded like explosions sounded outside the house. The old friends were elated by those sensations....

"What is this?" Patricia asked, puzzled and a little worried

"It must be an earthquake... " Marianne replied.

The three adults decided to go outside to investigate where the strange noises were coming from. Their eyes widened at the sight in front of them. A giant Titan hand, climbing up the Maria Wall...

...

Patricia's house was not far from the gate leading up to the inside of the Maria Wall, but Eren and Mikasa's house was. The five of them stood there, watching that horrifying scene. Patricia was crying on Friederich's chest, who had no reaction whatsoever. Stefan was hugging Marianne tightly as he looked at what was going on. Lena just stood there...completely helpless. Her big, sad blue eyes lost the sparkle they used to have....

And then suddenly...

POWWW!!!

The huge Titan kicked a portion of the Wall, which created a huge explosion. Rocks flew through the streets of Shingashina, creating a scene of authentic destruction, death and terror. People whose homes were only a few meters from the Wall to the outside had been completely crushed. People screamed in horror and despair...This is what the end of the world looked like?

It was a matter of seconds before more Titans emerged from the fragment of the Wall. Those macabre, smiling faces that caused panic in the entire population. Friederich held Patricia's hand, completely terrified, making the gingerhead look at them.

"WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!!! LET'S GO!!!"

The five adults ran to the main gate. The despairing cries of the population could be heard. Children crushed by the boulders. Everyone was running in panic for their lives. Whole families killed by those man-eaters. Screams were the only thing that could be heard beyond the Titans' steps.

Until she remembered...

Her mother...

Oh no...

Lena's house was on the other side of the district, closer to the Wall...

How could she forget?

"MAMMA!!!" Lena screamed in agony and ran with a strength she didn't even know she had towards her home. Her heart felt like it was going to burst out of her chest, it was beating hard but so hard. Stronger than she ever thought it could beat "MAMMA!!!!"

"LENA, NO! THERE IS NO TIME LEFT!!! WE NEED TO GET TO THE MAIN GATE!!!" Patricia was screaming and crying. Lena looked at the people around her, who were also screaming and crying. Whole families being devoured by Titans. She wouldn't live with herself if she didn't...

Lena broke free from her friend's hand and ran without stopping towards her home. Both her heart and her legs were hurting and resisting, but she hardly even noticed. All she could think about was finding her mother and heading to the main gate and then to the boats before it was too late. The Titans were getting closer and closer to her home and Lena began to feel the fear in her veins. Tears and tears of despair were falling down her pale cheeks.

Suddenly, like a falling tear, she spotted him. A Titan. A giant, macabrely smiling Titan looking in her direction. Its eyes were filled with hunger, yet they were also empty, not a measly emotion could be felt....Lena was torn at that moment, and forever and ever...If she kept running, she would be eaten, if she turned her back, she would flee to safety. Lena saw the hideous creature reach out to grab the little redhead.

"LENA!!! COME ON!!! LET'S GO!!!" Stefan held her hand even tighter, but Lena was resisting and trying to get loose. She had to save her mother!

"STOP!!! I NEED TO GO TO HER!!!"

"SHE'S PROBABLY ALREADY ON A BOAT IN SAFETY! WE HAVE NO CHOICE!!! WE HAVE TO LEAVE!!!" the red-headed man shouted again, as the Titan came closer and closer.

Lena closed her eyes...She had no other choice. Turning her back, she cried heartlessly for her mother and prayed that she was still alive. Maybe someone had been able to help her...But she could not live with herself ever again. Guilt stabbed her chest as she turned her back on her home where she had lived since birth.

"I'm sorry, mamma..." Lena shouted desperately, running through the streets of Shingashina "I'M SORRY!!!!"

Suddenly, the little redhead remembered. Eren...Mikasa...Armin! Where were they? Would they be okay? Lena felt the guilt squeezing her chest even tighter. But everything got worse when she had that vision....

Lena turned her head back and spotted Eren's mother, Carla. The kind woman who treated her like a daughter...Being devoured by the smiling Titan who had looked at her a few minutes ago when she tried to help her mother...Lena was already crying, but at that moment it was as if everything became blurred, a kind of fog...Crying desperately, the tears fell heavier and heavier down her pale cheeks, now pale as a ghost...

All because of those creatures devouring men and hope...

...

Lena was waiting patiently with Patricia, Patricia's parents, who were walking towards home when they were caught up in the tragedy, Stefan, Marianne and Friederich for the departure of the boat they were on. Her eyes were red from crying, and her soul black with guilt. Selfish. That was the only word Lena could think of. How could she abandon her family like that? 

She had asked everyone if they had seen her mother. No one. No one said if she was alive, if she had been eaten or crushed by a rock.

And all because she had valued hrr safety over her mother. And all because she hadn't stayed home that day....

"Mamma..." Lena cried again and sat on the floor, her eyes covering her face " Eren...Armin...Mikasa...Forgive me..."

Patricia and Marianne held her shoulder and sat next to her, also crying non-stop. The brown-haired women put their heads on the little gingerhead's shoulders. Marianne didn't know about her mother or younger brother either. This made Lena cry even more for the ones she loved...It all happened so fast...One moment she was happy, talking and laughing with her friends she hadn't seen for years. And the next moment...All that tragedy had happened.

There was the next boat. Quickly, all the people started to get on, as the first one was already full. Lena held Patricia's hand. She and her family all got on the boat together.

First her father...then her mother...and with any luck...herself too...

...

Lena spent the night with Patricia, Friederich and her family. Her heart ached with the doubt whether her mother was alive or not. Because she could be there, even though it was not very likely. Patricia's parents said they were leaving Lena's house when it all happened...They had seen her house...Her little house smelling of rosemary and red wine, from the day she was born had been crushed by those rocks...

Lena could do nothing but cry non-stop. Her heart also ached about the children. Armin, Mikasa, Eren. Would they be okay? Or not? She hadn't seen them on the boat, or at the delivery of the rations to the refugees. So that...Lena came to the conclusion that she had also lost the three beautiful children...

She felt like she herself had been killed. At that moment, only her body was present in that world. And if she already thought that a part of her had died, Lena was certain now that rest had to...

Peter would visit them from his village. That way he would be able to give Lena a home to stay in. As would Patricia's family, since they had always been by her side from the beginning of the tragedy until the end. Marianne's mother and brother had died, there was already confirmation. Stefan's parents were alive because they were in Marianne's camps at the time of the invasion. Therefore, the couple met separately with the redhead's family. Friederich only had his father, who was also in good health.

The little gingerhead was lucky that her brother lived on the Rose Wall. At least he would have a home for the next few weeks. But where would she go after that?

"So... You're not getting any sleep?" Friederich asked, who was lying down next to the little redhead. They were all lying on the floor, with only a few blankets that Garrison's soldiers had given them. Lena turned her face to that of the brown-haired man. The man, with a compassionate smile, made the young girl feel a little better.

"Is there anyone who is? At a time like this..." Lena stopped with a sob and let even more tears fall.

She never thought a human being had the ability to shed so many tears... 

"Take it easy. We are safe now" the man whispered and kissed the little redhead's forehead in an act of affection. "Try to fall asleep, if only a little. Okay?"

Lena tried to do as Friederich told her... She just wanted to sleep, and then open her eyes and see it was all a dream...

She just wanted to die... So she could be born again..

Chapter Text

"Five years passed since the fall of Wall Maria...

Eren, Mikasa and Armin just graduated from the Military, ready to fight for the Humanity. Eren's hatred for the Titans grew more and more each day.

About Lena, well...As a way to escape the tormenting memories of that terrible day that kept chasing her, she made the old dream of her parents come true... To go to a a convent in Wall Rose. Well, she still needed to take her vows. She spent the entire first year isolated from other nuns and novices, only praying. So God could forgive her for her mother's possible death. And using religion and music as a refuge.

After recovering from the trauma, which still took a year, she seemed like she had been born again. She had found her soul, her sweet, wild and extrovert soul.

Maybe too much wild for a convent full of grouchy nuns. But being there made her happy, because she knew God would always be there for her. Her faith was what kept her fighting.

And also because she could sing with them. They gave her a guitar, since her old one got destroyed in the fall of Shingashina.

Her love for music only grew more and more each day...And so did her wonder of meeting new places..."

...

"Wait, Sister Mary. What do you mean you're leaving?" the grave voice of the Scout Regiment Commander sounded through the wooded room.

The handsome and charismatic man Erwin Smith was in his office filling out paperwork, when he was taken by surprise by the middle-aged woman, all dressed in her white nun's habit, who was staring at the Commander with her brown eyes, on top of some almost black circles under her them, disapprovingly, as it could be seen by her frowning eyebrows. Erwin only stared at her in surprise, even though he seemed quite serene for the news he had been given.

"It means I'm leaving. Don't you understand, you want me to draw you a picture?" the lady's shrill and, the man couldn't lie, rather irritating voice sounded.

"What I want is to understand the reason of your departure. I can't understand" Erwin continued, tapping lightly with his quill on his desk "I apologize but you must give me a valid justification for your resignation. We need you very much, sister Mary"

The blond couldn't lie that that nurse, or healer, was not one of the best the Scout Regiment had. She was a nun from Sina, whose hard work was all about commenting on everyone's life and healing the wounds of one soldier or another. But she was the only one in the midst of so much demand who was willing to go and serve that cause, after months and months of searching. With the appearance of more soldiers since Erwin Smith took over as Commander, six healers were needed, and at that moment there were only five.

"You want me to give you a justification? I will. I have never felt so humiliated, disrespected and mistreated in my entire life!" the middle-aged woman exclaimed in a completely disgusted tone, causing Erwin to frown.

"But what? Did soldiers mistreated you? Tell me who they are to put an end to this" the blond man replied assertively.

Although he didn't mind Mary leaving either, he had to do his utmost to make the lady decide to stay. God knew what would happen if there was one less nurse, and he also knew the journey it would be to find another to replace her. Which might not happen.

"First, they soldier on with sprains and strains. I'm no physical therapist! I'm just a healer!" Mary began, staring at the Commander strongly "But worst of all.... Was that I was insulted by that disgraceful, by that thug!!!"

"By who?"

Mary took a deep breath, trying not to burst into angry tears, before she began to tell what had happened.

"Why, I was in my office, all very well. Until three soldiers come in who got hurt in training. And I had to get upset because I was already following up weekly on two more and they weren't going to give me three more, on top of that on my afternoon break time!" Mary continued "I asked who it was that sent them to me, and they said it was their squad captain. I went to him, explained myself and warned him that things don't work that way, and he insulted me! I even pointed here!!!"

The woman pulled a small piece of paper from the pocket of her small purse. She coughed, and put on her round reading glasses to start quoting what she had written on that small paper.

"Now, perdon my language for what I am about to say: Lazy old bitch, incompetent Sina hag, dumbass nun" Mary said, with tears already falling down her cheeks "Do you think this is normal? And shouldn't I want to get out of here? But is this admissible???"

Erwin really didn't want to start laughing after those very original insults. If he didn't know better, he would say that it was his subordinate and long-time friend Levi who had chanted such amusing names. And, more obscene names aside, he even agreed with what they had called that elegant woman, who was most likely not very used to working in a place like that.

"Sister Mary... Your life here is not like life in the hospital in Sina. You know that, certainly. There is a lot more work. When we were sent your information we were told that you knew how to treat sprains and fractures. So I don't think you have any reason to complain" Erwin continued, taking a deep breath and trying to hold that one. He knew that the moment he gave a smile, the woman would be out the door "As for the insults, I agree with you that this is not acceptable. And that whoever uttered them will be punished appropriately. What is the soldier's name?"

"It was that thug Captain Levi!!! He doesn't have an ounce of education in that body!!!!"

The blond man swallowed dryly and felt like slapping his own forehead.

No wonder those insults reminded him so much of the captain. Even when he had sworn an oath to him that he would be more careful about the things he said.

Of course it had to be Levi who said something like that to Sister Mary. It wasn't enough that he couldn't stand nuns or religious people, he wondered how the black-haired man would react when they complained to him and showed him attitude.

And what's worse, Erwin knew that no matter what punishment he gave Levi he wasn't going to stop saying what he really thought.

"Right. I'll go talk to Levi so we can settle the matter. But this is not at all justification for your resignation" Erwin explained, putting his hands on the table in a serious tone.

And what had he told her?

The nun, completely dressed in white, with her black covering that covered all her hair, frowned in anger and stood up in a jolt.

"Is that so? Then maybe this is!!!" Mary shouted, placing her resignation paper in front of Erwin's desk "I resign!!!"

Erwin didn't even have time to react as the nun ran out the door, slamming it hard.

The blond man gave a long sigh and placed his hand on his forehead, still processing what had happened and processing that he would have to get a new nurse within two weeks for the expedition that was going to take place.

Well... At least they didn't have to worry about complaints about being interrupted at her 7 o'clock tea time...

...

"Why are you giving me that bastard's face?" another grave, disinterested, monotone voice sounded in Erwin's wooded office.

Humanity's strongest soldier, the Squad Captain of the Scout Regiment, and, curiously, only 5'3 feet tall, was standing in front of the Commander, sitting right in front of his desk. He had dark raven hair in an undercut, and grayish blue eyes sculpted by a lifetime of suffering. However, his claw and a sharp tongue were his most salient features, especially at that moment.

"Levi I wanted to talk to you about an important subject" the blond man began, trying to think where he would pick up that tricky situation.

"No shit. You came to interrupt me while I was cleaning my room. It better be important" Levi frowned and crossed his arms in annoyance.

Erwin took a deep breath. They hadn't even started their conversation and the Captain was already complaining.... He guess he should've known, after all, Levi gave extreme importance to cleaning.

"Today... Sister Mary came to me asking for her resignation" the Commander began.

And, as if he had won the lottery, it seemed that Levi's gaze had taken on a new life.

"Well it took her long enough. It's about time that incompetent saint went away" he said, in the most enthusiastic tone he could transmit.

He didn't care enough about that dandy nun to say he was happy, but he could say, however, that it was one less headache for him. And that, already, was one reason why that day wasn't totally depressing.

"And do you happen to know the reason why she gave up?" Erwin began to pull in what really mattered, arching one of his thick eyebrows.

"Probably because she finally realize what a pain in the ass she was and that she would only cause more deaths" Levi replied, direct and cutting as he always was, still with a slightly sarcastic tone.

"She told me you called her some.... Rather incorrect names" Erwin continued, ignoring a response from the Captain. Then he picked up the paper Sister Mary had given him and began to read "Lazy bitch, incompetent old Sina hag, dumb nun.... Are any of these from your memory?"

Levi remembered. And he also remembered how angry he was when that woman complained to him, who only recommended as Captain that they go see a nurse. But, as all people of that type did, she decided to leave to start complaing. For they didn't know how to do anything else, they just complained.

"Erwin that woman came to me complaining about doing her job, what did you expect me to do?"

"Levi, I understand... But you have to have a little more self control, or at least filter more of what you say to people" Erwin tried to explain without making the 32 year old man feel like he was a child being lectured "Remember, order and politeness are always a must in here"

"You can forget it. I won't be polite to people I don't even respect" Levi replied with his eyebrows furrowed in an expression of complete irritation.

"Well, thanks to your straightforwardness, now we have to find another nurse".

"Well, isn't that great? You should be thanking me instead of lecturing me like I'm 5 years old" the black haired Captain said rolling his eyes.

Erwin let out a sigh... It was going to be a big job and he didn't even know if it would be possible to get a new healer until the expedition.

"Well, at least we won't worry about her anymore, in that you are right..." the blond man said, then opened the paper with the addresses of the convents on the walls "Then I'll have to start writing the letters to the convents immediately"

"You've got to be kidding me... Are you hiring those religious bastards again?" Levi asked, always in his monotone and melancholy tone "Sure as hell worked with this one"

"Convents have more nurses and healers than regular hospitals. With these plagues and the concentration of the population due to the fall of Wall Maria, they now desperately need more doctors and professionals from nursing schools" Erwin replies, starting a writing the letters of demand for nurses "Our only options are the convents which have some of them that are not working full time. So please Levi... Be more reasonable with the next one we are hiring."

"Tch, they are nuns who are on the most corrupt fuckery within the Walls. That already makes me respect the next one less..." the Captain grumbled, shifting his gaze to the bookcase full of books.

Erwin gave a sigh and a smile as he wrote the letters with quill and ink. That man might not have filters, but he had great values that he wouldn't break.

"I think what you're lacking of is a woman. You won't be able to be that unfiltered with her, you know?" the Commander sighed with a laugh.

"Ah? How do you even know I don't have a woman? I can give you their names to be more specific..." the black haired man looked away again.

Levi did not consider himself a lady's man. But he was a man, at the end of the day. He had his needs and his desires, and the fact that he was humanity's strongest soldier, and one of the most handsome in the Walls, made him quite popular with women. He had never shown interest, not only when they took the initiative.

Some of them interested him, but not many. In fact, he hadn't been with anyone for quite some time.

"I mean a woman as in a lover, as in a wife..." Erwin decided to get specific, since Levi didn't want to understand, or he really didn't understand...

The dark haired man with the cutting look in his eyes looked at the floor....

"Tch, love... That whole concept must be one of the most nonsense things I've heard..." Levi rolled his eyes, causing Erwin to look at him "It's all just to try to distract us from this shitty world we live in... It's for the naive ones"

The blond man smiled at his long confidant.

"I don't know... Maybe once you find it you'll change your mind..."

...

A now grown, but still small, gingerhead was running in the green fields, feeling the cool wind against her face, that purified her lungs.

She loved moments like those. Moments of joy, peace, nature and music. Her life in the convent was just like that, when she wasn't at the local hospital working as a nurse or at mass. Nothing compared to feeling the summer breeze on her freckled cheeks. And singing...God, how she loved to sing.

Rolling and twirling, she sang with a smile from the size of the Walls. Her chest sang too, as were her eyes... Her whole being seemed to sing different melodies...

Lena looked up at the sky and watched the birds that flew freely. She sighed. How she envied the birds. Not having to worry about anything, doing what they wanted when they wanted. Singing when they wanted, where they wanted. Unlike her, since she was only a novice, singing outside the convent was forbidden. Sometimes Lena forgot that, or pretended to forget.

In the convent, at night, the now 23-year-old woman would go to a private room to pray until midnight. However, during the day she sang with the other nuns and worked in the local hospital.  Music was the one thing that had always been with her. Ever since she could remember, in her darkest moments. 

Lena had also learned the art of medicine. She was one of the best novice healers in the convent. The little redhead would have treated and cured about 80 people a year, not much, as the more serious cases were left in the hands of the more experienced nuns. Although they suspected that Lena would be able to treat them too. The warmth and gentleness with which she dealt with the patients also gave her a certain advantage.

And so, Lena sang. 

Her voice echoed in the mountains, imagining that she harmonized with herself, and walking through the fields, smelling the beautiful flowers. Her fire-colored curls flew along with the wind. Her voice was so sweet and angelic, now more mature and powerful, that it made everyone want to listen to her as she sang.

The little gingerhead was on a hill near the convent. She was not late for the four o'clock mass. The bells had not yet rung. And, up there, she could hear everything. But, to tell you the truth, Lena didn't feel like attending a two-hour mass at all. What was the point of doing one three times a day? Yet Lena knew it was wrong to question the older nuns who taught her medicine. And the ones who offered her a home rechristened with love in the worst moments of her life. The ones who gave her back her love of music. 

The ones who made her feel like herself again, after so many long years of forgetting who she was...It was true...The freckled cheeks owed them a lot indeed...

DLING DLONG...!

DLING DLONG...!

DLING DLONG...!

Oh no...

It was the bells announcing the end of the 4 o'clock mass. 

Lena hadn't realized how long she had spent in the fields singing, dreaming, and dancing. But it had all happened so fast! Lena only wished she could spend more time outside, in the mountains and in nature, and not stuck in that convent. But the nuns were already so nice about letting her out during the day, she felt bad for pushing her luck.

The gingerhead was dressed in her religious garb, only her black veil. Quickly, Lena grabbed the hairpiece and ran down the mountain back to the convent. Since she was just a novice, she wore only a simple black dress down to her shins and a veil that covered her hair, except for her curly bangs.

She was in trouble for sure...

...

While the ginger headed woman hurried back to the convent, the nuns were running between the convent's corridors completely fumbling and busy, looking for the youngest and most spirited novice of them all. Some of them were deeply irritated by Lena's attitudes, but others found it very funny. She was always a head in the clouds.

The corridors were gray, all made of marble, full of paintings of the Walls, God, saints and other nuns before them. It was a huge building, with giant doors and beautiful gardens. Giant pedestals, nuns praying and chapels. The churches were also huge and beautiful.

"Where is Elena?" Sister Gretel asked to some nuns who passed by her side. They were the ones who couldn't stand Lena's distracted, forgetful and clumsy attitude.

"Me too! I went looking for her in the chapel and she's not there" Sister Doriane replied, also irritated and tired. Not many seconds passed before more nuns appeared to look for the redheaded novice.

"She's not in the garden either. Has anyone seen Elena?" this time it was Sister Liliane, one of the younger nuns. Unlike the other nuns, she saw Lena as a young and funny girl, and not just silly and clumsy.

"I've been looking for her for hours and I can't find her," Sister Anne said, already tired of looking for the little redhead. At that moment, fourteen nuns were already looking around the courtyard for the novice.

"The novice Elena hasn't arrived yet"

"She hasn't arrived yet"

"It's always the same thing! There isn't a single mass where she isn't late or has gone missing! God forgive me, that girl doesn't learn," Sister Susanne commented, another who couldn't stand the gingerhead's agitation.

Suddenly, the Reverend Mother joined the group of nuns, observing the agitation and despair of the older ones. Unlike them, who often exchanged opinions about the gingerhead among themselves, she had always kept a neutral opinion about Lena.

"What's going on here? Something happened during mass?" Reverend Mother asked, with a calm and serene expression, even though she already knew exactly what was going on.

"Reverend Mother! Thank God you are here," Sister Susanne exclaimed, "Elena is not here, she missed mass again! We looked everywhere for her and nothing!

Reverend Mother gave a small smile. It was Sister Susanne who was always against the redhead's attitudes. If it were up to her, she would have had her thrown out of the convent, or made her kiss the ground for weeks and weeks. With all the things she did, she still felt that she was too soft with her.

"I was the one who gave her permission to leave the convent during the day," the older nun said calmly. The others sighed in frustration, while Sister Lilian held back little giggles.

"Reverned Mother, you know how Elena is! She goes for a 10 minute walk and doesn't come back anymore," Sister Agatha added.

"Sister Susanne, in charge of the postulants, and Sister Anna, in charge of the novices, never agree when it comes to the young Elena" Sister Anna adored Lena for her naivety and simplicity. Sister Susanne was the complete opposite. She didn't hate the novice, but she found her careless and reckless attitude annoying "What do you think of her, Sister Doriane?"

"Uh- me? I like Elena very much... But that girl will never be a nun," replied Sister Doriane. "That airhead does nothing but sing and dance all day long!"

"Am I the only who thinks she's a funny girl? I mean, she's so naive and simple. Besides, she's a great nurse. And I don't think she does with a bad purpose"

"I just think she could use a little more discipline! Four years and she still hasn't learned a thing," commented her sister Susanne, closing her eyes and crossing her arms "Wherever she passes, there's always a hurricane! And must I say, sometimes even mannerless and rude!" 

"Worse than the plague..."

"But she prays fervently"

"Her head is always somewhere else!"

"But Elena is so genuine!"

"That girl has to understand that life is not all singing and laughing!"

"She's such a sweetheart!"

Reverend Mother let out a small smile. Even if she remained neutral about Lena, inside she had a special affection for her. Maybe it was because she sympathized with the gingerhead that the fall of Wall Maria happened. She remembered vividly when Lena first arrived at the abbey. She was just a poor frightened 18-year-old girl with her soul lost. She had been through so much, and yet her joy, sweetness and affection remained. Reverend Mother wondered how she could do it. Perhaps having isolated herself, just praying and eating in her first year would have helped.

"After all, she's just a young girl" Reverend Mother said, with a smile on her wrinkled face, holding up a piece of paper, which the other nuns noticed was a letter.

"Reverend Mother, what's that that you are reading?" Sister Lilianne asked curiously.

"It's a letter from the Scout Regiment" the oldest woman began "They are asking if we could send one of our healer sisters, since the last one they hired from Sina has decided to return"

The nuns' eyes widened at the mention of the Scout Regiment. Being a religious group, they considered the men and women going outside the Walls to kill Titans a waste of time and money. And, the more conservative ones even insurged at their nerve to ask the convents, a sacred place, for nurse sisters.

"Those rotten apples are asking us to send more nurses? Didn't they already have one from our convent?" Sister Susanne asked, disgust present in her voice.

"Yes, and it seems that the one you hired from the convent of Sina has given up..."

"I don't condemn her decision..." Sister Gretel sighed "God only knows the things she saw there..."

"It's very tough, indeed... Only someone with a true wild spirit would accept such a mission" the oldest nun replied, still looking at the letter. The other sisters widened their eyes even more "That's why I was thinking that...Maybe Elena would like to go"

The nuns looked at each other in shock. To tell you the truth, the whole convent was in shock. Just the thought of a sweet, innocent Lena going to a place like that would make anyone feel shivers on their spines.

Suddenly, all the tension in the room vanished the moment they spotted a pair of blue eyes and freckles running around the abbey. She immediately noticed all of them with a scolding look and decided to bless herself, so that the punishment wouldn't be too harsh.

"Elena. Just the person I was looking for..." began Reverend Mother The next instant, Lena knelt down and kissed her hand. She stood up again, looking at the Reverend Mother with a rather nervous and regretful look on her face "Come with me, child. I need to talk to you"

Lena nodded without saying a word and walked beside the oldest and most important nun of all.

...

Lena had been in that convent for 5 long years, only the first being a retirement. Her only purpose was to pray. In her second year, she began to do the life that the other novices were doing...Watching them progress, taking the vows of lifelong devotion to God made the little gingerhead wonder if that was really the path she wanted to take for life...

But as she thought about the fall of Wall Maria and her parents, the doubts were over, and she became certain that it was what she was meant to do, and what was God's will for her to do.

At that moment, she was in the office of the most important nun. The Reverend Mother. She was the oldest nun, and the one with the most experience. And the one who gave Lena a home in the worst moments of her life, when Wall Maria fell. 

Lena was sitting in a chair, with a table in front of her. Behind the wood-paneled table was the Reverend Mother with an odd handwriting in her hands. The room was old and rundown, but very beautiful. With paintings of saints, such as of Wall Maria, Rose and Sina.

"Elena I..." Reverend Mother started, being immediately interrupted by the little redhead, who put her hands on the table, completely distraught.

"Forgive me... Forgive me, Reverend Mother, please. I lost track of time out there. Everything was so green and everything smelled so good that I..." Lena looked at the older woman with her big, bright blue eyes and sighed, looking down at her hands "I'm so sorry...I ask, please your forgiveness..."

The older woman looked into the girl's eyes. They were the eyes of a young girl who needed to go outside those and see the world. She needed adventure, she needed madness. A convent full of old nuns was not ideal for someone as wild as Lena. It might even have been her pillar when those tragic events happened, but it was not at all what Lena needed at that moment.

She was ready to take another direction in her life...

"Elena..."

"Yes, Reverend Mother?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Yes, Reverend Mother"

"Why did you decide to join our convent?" the older nun asked. She also had blue eyes and a sweet smile. But at that moment her expression contained no particular emotion, other than curiosity.

The little gingerhead's eyes stared at the woman, and she gave a small smile as she relived old memories.

"Well... My parents were always very religious and passed on many of those values to me. When I lived in Shingashina, I often saw the sisters of the Convent of Maria giving food to the poor. And I would hear them singing in church. Sometimes I would go there with my family on purpose to hear them sing. One of my parents' dreams was to have a daughter follow the path of God..." Lena stopped for a moment and tried not to collapse as she thought about what she was going to say next, trying not to feel her emotions completely "And when Wall Maria fell, I thought it was the best time to become one of you"

Reverend Mother removed her glasses, giving a sigh. She placed them by an old painting and propped her elbows on the table. Lena swallowed hard, not from nervousness, but from guilt for making Reverend Mother and the other nuns lose patience with her.

She didn't know why, but she couldn't control the messes she made. She kept singing and saying what was really on her mind. Sometimes they called her a big mouth, other times she was honest. It was as if her heart ruled more than her head, and while she liked it on the one hand, in the convent it only brought her trouble.

"So that was the reason you came to the convent? To fulfill an old wish of your parents?"

"No! No, of course not. Ever since I was a little girl I thought of becoming a nun... I always had that possibility" Lena quickly replied with a big smile "My family taught me to pray, they taught me to always count on God in the darkest moments. And that's what I do, and what I will always do..."

Lena stopped talking, and Mother Superior gave her a tired expression. The little gingerhead lowered her head, was about to say something when Mother Superior began to speak.

"Elena. I just want to know if you're truly happy here" she asked, which left Lena quite confused- "I mean, it's been four years...Do you really think this is the direction you want to take?"

"Of course I'm happy, Reverend Mother. You gave me a home to stay in. You've taught me medicine, which I love so much. You gave me peace and happiness and music. Things that I had already forgotten what they were" Lena sighed and smiled, thinking how much she owed them for making her want to live again "And you made me believe in God again. I am eternally grateful to all of you..."

Lena looked at the paintings on the ceiling and sighed because she felt so safe in that place. In the face of such an unstable life, it seemed the only thing that brought her comfort. Reverend Mother just watched her expressions, gathering courage for what she was going to ask her next.

"I just don't know if it's God's will for you to stay here, daughter"

The little gingerhead's blue eyes almost burst into tears upon hearing that sentence, and her heart seemed to burst loose from her chest. She quickly got down on her knees and held the older nun's hand, her eyes filled with despair.

"Oh, please, Reverend Mother! Don't send me away!" Lena pleaded, completely helpless "It's here where I belong, this is my home...!"

"The Scout Regiment is looking for a nurse" the older nun finally decided to get down to business, even though she felt so sorry for the young girl, who was in such despair "And asked if we could send them one of the novices"

"The Scout Regiment?" Lena asked completely surprised.

It was nothing new how much the convent was against the Scout Regiment. After all, they were religious, and just the act of even dreaming outside the Walls was reprehensible in the eyes of the more conservative convents. Why should they offer novice nurses, and why was the Scout Regiment asking for them?

"I think it would be good for you" continued the Reverend Mother, in a serene voice "You'll get to see new places, new people, and train your habilities  as a nurse. You might find the path you truly want to take...and find God's plan for you, my child"

The gingerhead was in a state of complete shock. Joining the Scout Regiment was a big responsibility. A giant responsibility, too much to think about. Lives would be in her hands. Lives of people who were fighting every day to save mankind.

The freckled cheeks looked down, struggling to breathe just thinking about that possibility...

"I don't know... It's a huge responsibility. What if I'm not up to it?"

"Oh, my child... You are 23 years old, a novice for 4. And we have already seen you heal wounds in your second year of the convent. Besides, even though you still have lives in your hands, you will only heal from the less serious ones" Mother Superior was saying that with such a calm and serene voice that even Lena felt calmer "They have to get someone because the last one they hired from the convent in Sina has decided to return"

"Oh... Why did the last one leave?" Lena asked with a suspicious tone, crossing her arms and raising one of her eyebrows. She knew that the Scout Regiment was a tough and difficult place. So it wasn't hard to expect the horrors and sadness one might find there.

"God will show you, when the right time comes..."

They both got up from the chair and the gingerhead knelt down, kissing Reverend Mother's hand once more. After she stood up, the old woman caressed her freckled cheeks, but was taken by surprise when Lena opened her arms to give her a hug. The older nun smiled and returned the gesture.

They would miss Lena's loud, though always sweet, voice echoing through the halls, they would miss when she went to masses singing and dancing. Even her sister Susanne would miss telling the redhead to kiss the ground when she did the crazy things of hers...which happened almost every day...But most of all, the patients in the hospital would miss her. Especially the children that Lena loved.

Quickly, the two women separated from each other and Lena sighed, completely terrified at the thought of leaving her home, where she had lived for 5 years. However, she felt again the so perfect feeling of being about to do such a great crazy thing

"God bless you, Elena..."

Chapter Text

Lena packed all her things from her dormitory, which she shared with her sister Rosaline, a novice when they met. She was going to miss her.

Her dormitories were not the best, but she still preferred them to sleeping isolated from the rest of the convent at night. Lena remembered her first year so well, so lonely. She had gotten so used to talking to herself by then, that it gave her a great pleasure to talk and to people, about everything... Even if many of the nuns had no patience for her endless dialogues.

The little gingerhead had only her religious habits, only three. After the fall of Wall Maria, she had left all her clothes at her home in Shingashina. She had only the dresses her brother had given her after that terrible day. But when she joined the convent, Lena had had to donate all her clothes to the poorest of the underground city and to the refugees from Wall Maria.

If there was one thing Lena would like, it was to be able to dress freely again. In beautiful dresses of all colors, full of flowers, polka dots and all patterns. And to be able to walk around with her hair always loose, and to do the hairstyles she missed so much...

While Lena finished packing her things, she thought about whether to bring her guitar or not. Maybe they wouldn't want music in a place where only order and discipline were allowed. But... she could no longer imagine living without her guitar. Surely they would let her play at least a little bit alone, during the night. Or at least she hoped so...Lena couldn't survive without music.

After packing up all her belongings, which were not many, Lena went to say goodbye to all the sisters she knew, including the Reverend Mother, who gave her a rosary to pray whenever she needed guidance.

Doubts and more doubts began to rise in Lena's heart as she opened the large gate leading into the convent...

The little gingerhead looked at the convent one last time. She was leaving her home where she had spent five long years. All the songs she had sung, all the masses she had forgotten, all the times she had broken something and had to kiss the ground to make up for it, all the times she had given a less than polite answer to some nun... Everything...Lena hadn't left yet and she was already missing the whole convent so much.

The young girl with the freckled cheeks gathered her courage and stepped out of the gate, closing it immediately afterwards. Placing her hand on the iron gateway, she leaned her head against it. And she let out a long sigh. Everything was going to be so different. What would the soldiers be like that he would meet? She knew they were going to be tough and severe. Could she handle something that just wasn't.... Her?

Sighing once more, she started walking straight ahead, leaving the convent behind. Lena had been told that headquarters was too far to walk to. So they advised her to find a ride at the ration deliveries in Trost, which were headed there.

After a few minutes of walking, Lena arrived Trost district. The little gimgerhead was walking through the streets. She was also going to stop coming to Trost. Admiring the streets, the big fountain full of beautiful sculptures, seeing the children jumping and playing that reminded her of her childhood... The women singing in the streets that Lena sometimes joined in with as well....

As she relived her past, she opened the map that was stuck between the strap of her bag and her hand and looked around. It was by a large fountain in the center of Trost. She should go straight ahead, then turn right until she spotted a carriage filled with sacks of potatoes, meat and bread.

And that is exactly what Lena did. She started walking to one of the most populated spots in Trost.

The gingerhead sighed, always thinking about what her life would be like in the Scout Regiment. She wondered what those soldiers would be like. Would they like her? Or would they find her clumsy and careless? After all, they all thought she was careless, clumsy, and had her head too much in the clouds.

Feeling her heart beating so hard, in a way she didn't remember feeling anymore, she filled herself with confidence and adventure the moment she spotted the carriage.

"Very well, I've made it this far. There's no turning back now!" Lena said to herself, holding her luggage tightly, ready to ask the man for a ride to headquarters.

Yes, that's what she was going to do. She was going to show everyone what she could do. That she brought honor to her name and her profession as a nurse. Just as an ex-novice. No forgetting about work. No head in the clouds. A serious, demanding Lena like no one had ever seen before.

"Excuse me, sir!!!" called out Lena, in her sweet but loud voice. So loud that it startled the man in the carriage "Are you heading to the Scout Regiment headquarters?"

The man, already quite old, looked at the gingerhead. He gave her a sweet smile and a curious look.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I am. I'm going there to deliver the rations. But why do you want to know?" the man asked, clearly curious to see such a young girl in a novice costume asking him if he was going to the Scout Regiment.

"It's because I'm going to be a nurse there, you know? And the sisters at the convent told me to come to you," explained Lena with her huge smile and immensely enthusiastic tone. But still, with her innocent and naïve expression "You don't mind giving me a ride, do you?"

"No, of course not! Come in, miss novice!"

"Thank you very much, sir!!" Lena replied, always with a smile. Before climbing into the carriage, she approached the man and gave him a friendly and enthusiastic handshake. So enthusiastic that it looked like she was going to rip the old gentleman's hand off with the force she was making "I'm Elena! How do you do??"

"I'm very well, thank you! I'm Hans!"

...

After a few minutes, they were already going to the most secluded part of the Wall Rose. Lena found that man very funny and nice, he really liked to talk as well as she did. It had been a while since she had such a lively and long conversation with someone.

At that moment they were already in a forest. The roads were not the best but the view was beautiful. It was reminiscent of a fairy tale, and besides, the day was very sunny, which made it all the easier to enjoy...

"So tell me, a pretty novice like you in the Scout Regiment?" the man asked, looking at Lena as she petted the brown horse's mane.

"I look that little like a nurse?" Lena with replied with a laugh. Without her veil, her long orange curls flew in the wind, reminiscent of flames in flight.

"Of course not. Everyone knows that the church and the Scout Regiment don't get along very well," the older man answered "Is it normal for them to hire novices to work there?"

"Usually they hire nuns already, not novices. They had hired one from our convent and another from Sina. But, since the one from Sina decided to go back to her convent, they needed another one to replace her. So the Mother Superior asked if I wanted to go, and I said yes," Lena explained with a determined expression. The man just laughed at the 23-year-old woman, already assuming what was going on.

"So why did they ask just you?"

"Well..." Lena laughed in a nervous way "I guess I'm not very good at being a nun..."

"I understand! A young girl like you shouldn't be stuck in a convent with old nuns. But you see, the Scout Regiment is very tough. Every month they go on an expedition, and on each expedition, the soldiers come back with such wounds that are almost impossible to treat," the old man commented, laughing. However, he stopped the moment he looked at the girl's terrified expression "Oh, I don't mean to scare you, sorry!"

"Dear God... You're already making me in a bundle of nerves... But you seem to know a lot about the Scout Regiment! Don't you have any advice for me?" Lena asked, in a mixture of nervousness and enthusiasm. The middle aged man could only laugh.

"Maybe one or two. Do you know Commander Erwin Smith?"

"Yes, well, I've heard the sisters talk about him"

"Good. Never question his orders. Always follow them and remember, no questions asked. And the same goes for Captain Levi" to that curious answer, Lena frowned in doubt.

"Captain Levi?"

"Have you never heard of him??" the rather shocked man asked, but still with a smile. Lena denied with her head, she had never heard of him "He is Humanity's strongest soldier"

"Humanity's strongest?? My goodness, that sure is a lot of strength!!" Lena replied, completely surprised.

The strongest in Hunanity?

She couldn't do anything but imagine that Levi as a huge, bearded, muscle-bound man yelling at the rest of the soldiers. And especially, yelling at her for making another one of her crazy things.

Lena really hoped she wouldn't have to meet him...

"That's true. But he's also very demanding. So never question his orders. He may not be very big, but the Captain is tough as an oak tree. Can you clean?"

Lena made an even more confused expression. There was no doubt that this trip was already starting full of surprises.

"Clean?" Slowly, curiosity was replacing her insecurities and nerves "Yes I know how to clean. Why?"

"You better know. Captain Levi hates the dirt"

"Well... Don't we all?"

"With him it's different," answered Hans. But this time, in a very different tone. Serious, firm and confident in what he was saying "He wants all places spotless. Not a hint of dust is allowed. He is a complete cleaning freak, with all due respect, of course"

"But why?" Lena asked, quite confused. The old man let out a long sigh in response.

Then he looked deep into Lena's eyes, as if to tell her the biggest secret.

"Who knows? Some say it's because he smells like the blood of Titans everywhere, it reminds him of dirt. But the best known myth is that the Captain came from underground"

"From the underground city? But that's where the sisters went to give food to the poor after the Wall Maria was destroyed!" Lena's head was a complete explosion. If he really did come from underground, then he had come a long way "Poor man... If he hates dust of course he left. Everything there is dirty"

"I beg you not to spread this around. It's just a rumor, but they say that it was Commander Erwin who found Captain Levi down there. Then he brought him to the Scout Regiment. I even heard that it was against his will," Hans whispered, as if afraid that someone might overhear that conversation.

"Wow, if that's true, then that's wonderful. The Captain must be very grateful to him"

Hans looked away, letting out a few lower chuckles after a while. Lena looked away as well. The fairy-tale-like forest scenery became less dense. A few minutes later, a few houses made of wood began to appear.

"Here we are" Hans said.

Lena's heart felt like it was beating out of her chest. Her life was about to begin.

...

Hans left her to explore the place alone, since he had to go to the dining hall with the food. Lena had no idea what she was supposed to do. Her sisters advised her to find Commander Erwin first. But where could he be?

It was a very different region. The wooden tents were supposed to be the soldiers' rooms, and it was a very isolated place. Completely deserted. The huts were made of wood, and some cadets were walking around or training. Those who passed by the redhead gave her curious and unusual looks, because she was still in her religious habit. Sure, without her veil, but a long black dress down to her shins was definitely not something common to see in the Exploration Corps.

The ginger haired girl tried to look for the Commander further south. More unusual looks. There were no indications of anything. Just people walking by or training. Lena walked and walked and walked. Until she heard a noise.

Her big, curious blue eyes went towards the direction of those sounds, and surprise filled her heart, when she saw horses. Beautiful horses of all colors, black, white, beige and brown. Lena had no choice but to go there. The redhead had always loved animals...

"Hello, you little cutie" Lena said in an even sweeter and gentler voice than usual, walking over to a horse with a brown mane. It neighed in protest, but as Lena approached it began to calm down "Come on, calm down pretty thing..."

The horse began to calm down even more, and Lena petted his mane. And apparently the beautiful horse seemed to like her touch, at least it didn't neigh anymore. Lena had always loved animals. And after birds, horses were her favorite. She dreamed so much of having a horse to ride it all day, to feel the wind on its freckled face.

"Oh, who's a good boy? You are, you are..."

"Hey! What's going on in here?" asked a voice, causing Lena to turn towards it.

"Oh, I'm sorry...I didn't meant to..." when Lena saw the owner of that voice, her heart stopped.

The owner of the voice was a man. A...rather short man, it had to be said. His hair, black as the night and his eyes...Lena wasn't sure what color his eyes were. They looked blue, but a grayish blue. She had always been told that the eyes were the windows to the soul, but his were like locked cells. On his face was a frowning expression. Not a single trace of relaxation. His entire expression was tense and intimidating. 

But all the same one of the most handsome men Lena had ever seen.

"Who the fuck are you and why are you here?" he asked, in a voice so gave and hoarse that it made Lena feel goose bumps. He could be an alto in a choir, the redhead thought.

Lena couldn't say anything else, she could only stare at that man. He was cold and rough as ice. Tense and with a perfect posture. Extremely firm and stoic. Could he be the Commander Erwin that the sisters were talking about? Not at all what she was expecting, of that she was sure. Lena couldn't confirm it, but something told her that he was watching her too. After all, he had never seen her there.

"Did I stutter? Who are you and why are you here?" he asked, this time at a louder volume. It eventually broke Lena out of her trance. 

God... How long had she been staring at him?

"OH! I'm so sorry! I am the new nurse you hired," Lena replied. The man just let out a little tch and rolled his gray eyes "I was walking around here, then I saw the horses and couldn't resist, I love horses! You wouldn't happen to be that guy? The Comminder Erwin?"

"I think you mean... Commander" replied the man, looking at her with a confused, but also a bit disgusted look. Maybe it was because he didn't know how to pronounce the word, but Lena already knew they weren't going to make it easy for her.

"Oh! Then can you tell me where can I find him?" Lena asked. If he wasn't the Commander it seemed. His posture from top to bottom conveyed leadership.

"Tch. Follow me, I'll take you there," the man answered, then started walking, "But you better start memorizing everything. We don't need bratty nuns from Sina always asking for directions"

Charming man, no doubt... thought Lena, rolling her blue eyes.

"Actually, I come from the convent of Rose" Lena said in her usual sweet voice, as they walked by the places where the cadets trained. They were looking at them with curious eyes "My name is Elena"

"Then shut up and walk, your holiness" he replied in a tone so arrogant that it made Lena's nerves almost explode.

She was about to give him a more aggressive answer to show him that he couldn't talk to her that way. She couldn't stand rudeness, but he could be one of her superiors and she definitely didn't want to get off on the wrong foot. So she tried to remain calm.

"I'm sorry, but you didn't introduce yourself" Lena commented, already in a more annoying and less friendly tone. And he could call himself lucky for not being even less friendly.

They stopped walking. The dark-haired man looked at the ginger-haired girl with eyes she had never seen in anyone before. A mixture of irritation, disgust and annoyance. Lena was sure she didn't want to see that look again.

"I'm Captain Levi. Now, walk at once" he said. Lena's brain froze.

That man was Captain Levi?

Humanity's strongest soldier?

He was so short! Maybe only about ten centimeters taller than her. The opposite of the strong, muscular, bearded, big man she had imagined. Just like Hans said...Small, but tough as an oak tree.

Lena did nothing but stare at him, especially since he was also one of the most handsome men she had ever seen...

"What now?"

God...Was she staring for that long?

"No, no! Nothing! It's just...You don't look like a Captain, that's all..." Lena replied, scratching the back of her neck in embarrassment, which was not something common for her... Discreetly, she looked once more at the black haired man.

Levi arched one of his eyebrows, still looking full of revulsion, but at the same time with a certain curiosity.

"Then I guess you don't look like a nurse. Now shut the fuck up, and walk"

What a language... thought Lena, her blood boiling. Just because he was the strongest soldier in mankind didn't mean he could be an arrogant bastard.

Finally, Lena decided to remain silent, which was a difficult thing to do. Aside from not being able to say exactly what she thought (he was her Captain, after all), Lena hated silence. She had had too much of it when she was isolated in her first year at the convent. 

Chapter Text

"We're here. This is the door," Levi began, with no sign of letting his guard down. It was as if he suspected the redhead. But why? Had she done something wrong, or made a bad impression? "Are you going to enter, or do you expect me to enter with you?"

"Oh, I'm sorry" Lena came out of her trance and held the Captain's hand for a friendly and enthusiastic handshake "It was a pleasure to meet you, Captain Levi, sir!

Levi just stared at her with a bored face, as he let go of Lena's hand roughly, leaving the redhead quite confused. She was expecting the seriousness of the soldiers, but not that much. To the point where you really couldn't relax...

God...Would that man ever smile?

"Just enter..." he muttered as he rolled his eyes. Levi started walking towards the entrance of the building, saying nothing else.

"Thank you so much for bringing me here!!!" thanked Lena.

He just did another tch and left without saying anything else. Lena frowned in confusion. She wasn't quite sure what had happened at that moment...She knew the soldiers were serious but at least she thought they would be polite. She wondered if they were all like he was. So serious, so stoic....

The little gingerhead tried to make the thought of that Captain disappear from her mind and gathered the courage to knock on the office door. Lena wondered what Commander Erwin could be like? If it was Captain Levi, then she was definitely out of luck. She had never imagined someone that distant...

Knock!

Knock!

Knock!

"Name and subject?" a voice answered. If Lena had thought Levi's voice was deep, she was absolutely sure that Erwin's voice was not for an alto, but for a bass.

"Elena Häustler! I'm the new nurse. The novice from Rose," Lena answered rather nervously.

"You can come in, Elena"

Lena sighed with relief, not knowing exactly why.

The little redhead entered the office. It was not a large office as was Mother Superior's. In fact, it was just a classic room all made of wood, with large bookcases, a desk full of papers and a simple chair.

In it was a man. A tall, rather strong man. Blond hair, big blue eyes and a confident expression, who looked at her with an emotionless face. But not as unfeeling as Captain Levi's. His eyes conveyed some feeling and shone brightly, they were full of hope.

"Sit down, please," he began. Giving a long sigh, Lena sat down in the chair opposite his desk. At least he was polite, unlike the first person she had met there "So, unfortunately, the sisters didn't have time to give me the information in a more detailed way. So I will ask you a few questions. Starting: how old are you?"

"23, sir!!! My birthday is August 6!!!" replied Lena, so quickly that she ended up not thinking about what she said. She made a mental note to be more careful with the words she said, but nerves were able to take advantage of her.

Erwin was clearly doing it on a precautionary basis, to see if she was someone fake or not. The Scout Regiment had many enemies.

"Alright...Where were you born?"

"Shingashina, Wall Maria" Lena felt a deep sorrow on her heart, once she thought about her home. God...How she wanted to go back to her youth.

That seemed to bother the Commander as well. On his face was an expression on regret, yet compassion for the redhead.

"I see...How many years of convent do you have?"

"Five...Four actually. My first year was a just a retirement. I was isolated from the other nuns, only praying" Lena explained.

"And do you have any family?" Erwin asked.

Lena felt again longing on her heart. Her family...She hardly saw Louise and Peter since she went to the convent. Visiting Peter was more usual, but she didn't see her older sister for at least a year. And her parents were both in heaven, may God protect them...

"I do, my older siblings, Louise and Peter. Louise is living in Mitras, and Peter in a village in Wall Rose"

"Don't you have another family, besides them?" Erwin asked. The ginger haired woman was getting even more depressed. She knew he wasn't doing on purpose, but even so, it hurt. It hurt hard.

"No, sir. They're all I have left..." Lena said, in a quieter tone.

The Commander looked down. He was started to feel sorry for the girl. After all, the fall of Wall Maria had brought great tragedies in people's lives. It was a tough experience indeed. He imagined how she and all others had suffered.

"Well...Them and the sisters in the convent! They are like family to me! For some reason we call them sisters!" Lena said again, this time already with a smile and her eyes sweet "They gave me a home when I thought I had lost everything. I owe them a lot. A really, really lot"

Erwin let a small smile. Certainly, that girl was different from what he was thinking. She clearly wasn't the best example for a nun. If her healing skills were as good as her talking, then they were well served with her. But he still had doubts on how such a young woman could possibly be that great nurse the sisters sent in the letter.

"Mm...How many people did you heal last year?" Erwin asked. He wanted to make sure she had the skills that they needed.

"Oh, I'm not quite sure, sir. Around maybe 80, 90. Excluding the less severe, of course. And there are also others, who I started treating, but the older nuns took care of them after knowing they were more severe than they thought" Lena answered, still with a smile in the face. But inside, she was nervous. What if he would think that she wasn't good enough to be in there? "B-But the sisters will send more detailed information on these few days"

"Alright, that's enough for me" Erwin said, getting out of his chair "You're officially a Scout Regiment nurse. Be welcome"

The tall blonde man put his hand on her shoulder. Lena also got up from the chair and gave him a great smile. Her blue eyes shined even more. She had loved Commander Erwin. He could also be a man of few words, but he wasn't closed off as Captain Levi.

"Really?! Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, sir!" Lena jumped, giving Erwin a friendly, yet excited handshake "It's a pleasure to work with you, Commendor Erwin!"

"It's...Commander. And you're welcome" Erwin let a smile again. Her bright eyes, her enthusiastic smile, her eccentric posture... Surely Hange would like her. There was no doubt that she was not a usual one to be in that place, especially a nurse, all of whom were known to be very serious. So, then, he led the redhead to the door "Your room is right in front of this hut. This is where my office and Captain Levi's office is. Tomorrow morning we will be in charge of showing you to your office"

"Sir! At your orders, sir!"

"Oh, and you shouldn't wear your religious habit. It's not practical. Wear the most casual clothing you have, please"

Her religious habit was a black dress until the heels and long white goal. Lena almost couldn't breath on it.

"But, I don't have other clothes. When we enter in the convent, we give our clothes to the poor people" Lena explained. Erwin signed. She would give them more work than he expected "But if you have some fabrics, I can make some in less than a month. The sisters in the convent also taught me how to sew"

"Right, I forgot..." Erwin sighed. She would give them more work than he thought "Very well. I'll make sure to send you your uniform anyway. You'll have it by tomorrow. Good night, Miss Häustler"

Lena felt a hint of disappointment in her chest when she heard the word uniform....

"Sir, just one thing! Will I only have to wear the uniform? Can't I really wear other clothes? Like this, pink dresses, blue dresses, yellow dresses?" Lena asked with a dreamy smile, leaving the man completely confused.

If there was one thing she wanted to enjoy, it was the fact that she could dress as she pleased, and explore her way of dressing again. Lena was looking forward to making new dresses of all colors, with embroidery and lace, that really conveyed what the little gingerhead was

"U-Usually nurses only wear their uniforms on expedition. So if you want, one day go to Trost to buy fabrics, surely you will understand these things better than I do" the blond man sighed.... Surely it would give them more trouble than he thought "But, you do realize that the Scout Regiment is not a boutique, right?"

At that moment, Lena realized what complete nonsense she had said. She was in the Scout Regiment, for God's sake. The commander's last concern was the redhead's uniform and dresses. And it should also be her last concern.

"This won't affect my work, Commander! I promise!" Lena swore, already regretting having brought up the subject of the dresses. But for some reason, she couldn't understand why she had such a curious reaction "I just... I wish I could dress normally again... You know?"

Erwin couldn't help but smile. He could see how nervous the redhead was, and he could see the truth in her words.

"I... I trust your judgment, Miss Häustler. It's just unusual to be asked those kinds of questions" Erwin replied, this time with a smile "Well then, if you have nothing else to ask me, you are free to go. It was a pleasure to meet you"

Lena's heart warmed at the Commander's understanding. This was how she imagined soldiers to be. Serious, but polite, and good-hearted.

"My pleasure, Commonder Erwin! Good evening," Lena said, and in the twinkling of an eye she was out of her office again.

The blond man sighed, closing his eyes.

He would be lying if he said he didn't like the gingerhead. He had noticed in her a genuineness and enthusiasm for the role she was about to play, unlike Sister Mary's arrogance and coldness. The only thing was that it just seemed that her head wasn't quite in place.

However, he knew he shouldn't underestimate her. He believed that she might even surprise them.

He wondered if Levi would think so too...

...

Lena entered in her bedroom and took a look around. It was a really simple bedroom, she assumed she was going to sleep with some other female scouts. God, her whole life had changed since she go out of the convent. And it wasn't even her first working day...

All of that was surreal...

Putting her things on the ground, Lena lied on her bed and sighed to the air. A new adventure was going to come for her...She only wished her mother and father were there...At least she knew they were looking upon her in heaven... But even so...That feeling of sadness and longing never seemed to leave her...

Her mind reminded her that moment. It was almost evening, but it felt like a new morning.

Lena had a mental note in writing a letter to her brother and sister, so they could know where she was, in case they wanted to visit her.

Quickly, Lena picked up her old notebook and took off two of the pages. Lucky her, that took some envelopes. Now, she only wanted to find... Maybe the email box or something. There had to be a mail box. But first, she needed to write. Peter would be the first.

Dear Peter,

I'm sorry for not telling you earlier, but it happens that I'm not in the convent of Wall Rose anymore, and I'm afraid that I won't be able to visit you during this month. I'm extremely busy.

It's because the abbey was called by the Scout Regiment, they were looking for a new nurse. The Reverend Mother thought that I wouldn't make a very good nun, so she decided to ask me if I wanted to go. I accepted. I'm sorry if I couldn't tell you earlier. There was no time, it was all very sudden.

I know that you don't trust the scouts, but please, support me on this. Please don't come after me. I know you well, so please. Please have faith and trust in me. And please, understand that I'm not a child anymore and that I can handle myself.

I hope you and your family are alright. I can't wait to hear more about Aurora, Gretel and Carl. I heard Gretel is turning 5, and I hope I can be there to see her. Carl is about to turn 7, right? I wish I could be there with you.

With lots, and lots, and lots of mountains made of love,

Your younger sister, Lena.

She only had to write the same for Louise. Even though she was sure her reaction wouldn't be very alarming. Her sister and Peter had very different opinions about the scouts. Louise really trusted them. In fact, her husband was once a scout, but had to retire because of a severe injury. He was lucky, because he was an aristocrat from an extremely rich family.

Peter, on the other hand, didn't trust the scouts at all. He thought they were a waste of time and lives. So, the new that Lena was working with them, kinda freaked him out. At least that's what Lena thought it was most likely to happen. He found the Scout Regiment the most useless in the military.

They always argued with each other about the Scout Regiment when they were together. And those discussions usually ended up on screaming and offenses.

After writing the letter to Louise, Lena tried to get ready for dinner. It would be a little embarrassing for her to go out in her novice habit, though she hoped everyone would understand. Finding the cafeteria would also be a problem.

But Lena was going to trust herself and God. This was his will, after all. At least that was what Reverend Mother had told her.

Lena only wished she knew where the shower rooms were. She really needed a bath to relieve the stress. But first, she needed to wait for the dinner time. She was so hungry... It seemed that the dinner would never come. But what could she do until then? Perhaps getting to know a bit of the headquarters. It would be a good idea, since Captain Levi told her that they didn't need any bratty girls to ask for directions.

Lena wasn't doing anything in there, and the dinner would just probably be at night. So, the gingerhead thought it was the best time to get to know the space.

...

Walking in the rough soil of the roads, made her feel a bit intimidated. Lots of soldiers of all shapes and sizes walked by and gave her strange looks. She wondered where the training areas were.

Some of them were really young. The youngest ones couldn't be more than 15 years old. Her heart melted a bit, when she remembered Armin telling her about them joining the scouts...It was on the the day when Wall Maria fell. On the day that her life changed completely. They would be the age of the cadets by that time. They were such good children...She missed them so much.

While Lena was walking, lost in her thoughts between sorrow and nostalgia, she didn't notice a figure in front of her, and ended up bumping in front of it. They both fell on the ground, and she could hear a familiar voice complaining to itself about that little accident. A way too familiar voice...

"OH! I'm so sorry! I didn't see you! Are you okay?!" Lena quickly asked, getting up and cleaning herself. Then, she reached out for the person who was on the ground, and then, her heart was filled with memories and...Longing.

The owner of the figure was a boy, not older than 16 years old. He had short spiky brown hair, and dressed in the Scout Regiment uniform. But then, while he was moaning in pain from the fall, he opened his eyes. Those big, green, determinate green eyes. Lena was sure she had seen one of those before...

The boy casually took her hand. On his face, it was also an expression of shock, yet suspicion. He had gotten up. God, he was really tall for his age. Lena only barely reach his chin. Her blue eyes only analyzed him. That brown hair, those green eyes...

"Do I...Know you?" He asked, with his eyebrows frowned.

Green eyes...Green eyes...Where had she seen them?

Then, suddenly, everything came into realization.

Green eyes...

GREEN EYES!

THE GREEN EYES!

"Eren...?" Lena asked quietly, so she could make sure that wasn't a dream, or that she wasn't hallucinating.

"L-Lena?" He whispered, even lower. That was it. The confirmation.

Before thinking of anything else, Lena let heavy tears fall across her face, seconds before she wrapped her arms around his neck. Tears, tears, tears and more tears fell across her freckled cheeks...She couldn't believe it. It was too good to be true...

"EREN! OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU EREN!" Lena screamed "I thought you were dead!!!"

"I thought you were dead!" He replied. God, even his voice was different. Everything in him was different, except his determinate green eyes. She could notice that he was crying as well, and a lot"I can't believe you are alive!!!"

"Oh, Eren! I missed you so much...!!" cried Lena and closed her eyes. The last thing she imagined to find in there were her lost childhood friend... "This feels like a dream!"

Then, they separated from themselves and took a long glance in each other. Suddenly, the tears became a giant smile on her tiny lips. He was so different. He was even taller than her.

Eren was alive...After 5 years and he was alive and healthy...

The, something went suddenly on her mind. Mikasa and Armin...Were they safe too? Were they also in scouts? She had to many questions...

"OH MY GOD! LOOK AT YOU!" Lena screamed, maybe a little too loud. Other scouts were looking at them, with confused looks, that made the redhead make her tone a bit lower "You're so grown up...I...I can't believe it...You're a man, Eren!"

"And you haven't changed a bit!" He replied, also excited to see his long time friend "Red hair, blue eyes, freckles! Everything is on their place!"

Lena only could laugh. Laugh and cry and celebrate... So many feelings that Lena couldn't name them all. But she liked to feel them, oh she did...

"Wait...But? How?! How did you survive?! I..." Lena paused for a moment and lowered her tone again "I saw what happened to your mother..."

Eren stopped smiling, and just looked down. He couldn't say that he hadn't seen it. He knew and had seen well what had happened. Now he imagined how Lena must have felt those years. Without knowing if he was alive or dead...

Then, Lena put her right hand on his left arm, and looked at him with the same old compassionate look of hers.

"I'm so sorry..." Lena whispered, after seeing his disappointed and sad expression. That boy had been through so much pain.

"And I saw your house being crashed by those rocks..." Eren whispered and gained courage to look into her eyes "I thought you were dead. Along with everyone else..."

"Well... But I'm alive and you are too. That's all that matters" Lena said. Now Eren understood how the redhead truly cared for them, and that made him smile "Wait! What about Mikasa and Armin?! A-Are they alive too??"

"Yes, they are! In fact, they're here as well!" Eren exclaimed, clearly excited so they could reencounter each others again. That made Lena burst out a really huge smile.

"Oh my god!!! You're all here! The three of you! Still together..." tears and more tears were falling down her face again "It's just...I can't believe that you could escape Wall Maria...And then you came to become scouts??"

"But what about you? What are you doing here? And all dressed in black, I thought you hated black..." Eren said between chuckles.

"I-" Suddenly, she got interrupted by a voice.

"Cadet Yeager! Paperwork, now!" It was one of the superiors, the young woman supposed.

"Crap! The paperwork! I have to hand these to Commander Erwin"

"It's alright! You can go! At dinner we talk better!" Lena gave him an encouraged smile, that he quickly imitated.

"It's great to see you, Lena...I...Never thought..." When he was about to turn to face her, Lena immediately made him look front again.

"Not now, Eren! We can talk at dinner" She laughed "Now, hurry hurry! Before your bosses gets even angrier!"

Lena sighed and let the tears fall again while giggling with hysteria and happiness...

They were alive... They were alive and well...

Now that was something she wasn't expecting to encounter...

...

Lena entered in the cafeteria. It definitely wasn't as good as her convent's dinning room but again, she was in the Military after all. They couldn't have such luxuries in there.

After being served, Lena felt an emptyness inside. It was just a piece of meat, a potato and a bread. The gingerhead sighed...She loved eating. The dinner in her convent had a lot more of variety of types of food. But that was her life and she needed to accept it. After all, it was the man who took her there to give them the food.

After being served, she started to look for the brown haired boy, and a feeling of longing, yet curiosity filled her heart. She would finally see how Armin and Mikasa were, after all those years. Eren was really grown up, he was even taller than her. He was a really handsome boy, at her eyes. It surprised her how he was not surrounded by a lot of girls when she saw him passing by. With his green eyes, his determinate smile, his spiky brown hair and now his mature features. She remembered Armin and Mikasa as beautiful children as well. The gingerhead always loved Mikasa's long black hair and Armin's bright blue eyes.

"Hey, Lena! We're here!" She heard Eren call for her in one of the tables. She turned her head and almost dropped her food.

There were they. The three of them, together as always.

Armin was also a lot of taller, his features were more mature as well. His blue eyes remained there and his blond hair was exactly the same. But then, there was what made Lena almost drop her food. Mikasa.

If it was not because her exotic features, the redhead wouldn't have recognized her. She was as tall as Eren, her hair was shorter and her face was so different... She was a delicate and pretty girl, but now, Mikasa had become a strong woman as well, and still remained beautiful

Without a second thought, she ran over to the teenagers, setting the tray down on top of it. Mikasa and Armin immediately got up from the table and just stood there watching the gingerhead. Armin was the first to approach, causing Lena to put her arms around his neck in a tight hug.

"ARMIN!!! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!" Lena screamed, maybe too much loud. The other people started to stare at them with curiodity, but Lena couldn't care less.

"I missed you too...So much... " He replied, in a quiet voice as well. Tears fell from his eyes as he hugged her even tighter...

They separated themselves, and Lena hugged Mikasa the same way. God...She was who had changed the most from the three friends.

"Oh, MIKASA! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH AS WELL!!!" Lena could feel that she had gained some muscles. She was no longer the little girl that was always around Eren...And neither were Eren and Armin the little boys listening to her songs under a tree "Oh my god...You three are so grown up...And remain together..."

"I missed you, Lena..." Mikasa whispered, in a way that made Lena burst out in a smile. A great joy was in her heart to listen to that girl's soft voice again

They were so grown up... They had become so strong and beautiful...

Lena was still crying. She just couldn't believe all of that was real. She had lost everything from the good old days in Shingashina, and seeing them again made the memories and the happiness go back to her heart. Almost as if she was back to those days gain... Just like a piece of a puzzle who had been lost for so many years.

Then, they sat down at the table. There were also a pretty short boy, a brunette and a tall guy with a... Rather bizarre haircut.

"Guys! This is Lena! She was one of our best friends back in Shingashina!" Eren started, with a true smile on his face "Lena, these are Sasha, Connie and Jean. But you call him horse face"

"Hey!" Jean replied, angry.

Lena couldn't blame Eren. He did looked like a horse face, but he also seemed like a nice boy.

"Nice to meet you all! I'm Lena and I know this three since they were little children" Lena giggled sat down with them on the table and took a look at everyone. Then, she turned her head to Armin "So you did it. You really joined the Scouts!"

"Yeah..." Armin replied with almost a whisper "The things were bad, after the fall of Wall Maria"

Lena sighed. The fall of Shingashina...The nightmare that hunted her for the past 5 years. She remembered. She remembered it as if it had been the day before...

"But..." Eren started and looked at her "How did you do it? How did you escape? We saw your house being crashed by those rocks..."

Then, Lena looked down. It was not a pleasant memory...But she had to tell them anyways. Her blue eyes were suddenly less bright as she thought about that moment.

"That's because I wasn't in my house at that time. I was in the house of a friend of mine, that was closer to the main gate" Lena explained, this time in a more secure voice. But suddenly, her voice broke "But my mother was in there...Unfortunately she couldn't escape..."

Suddenly, the tension started to build up at that table. Everyone was looking down, and they could feel it on other tables as well. They were probably listening the conversation, as if that wasn't a usual thing. But Lena didn't find it wrong. They were curious about it, it was normal.

"I'm sorry, it must have been really hard for you too..." Mikasa said softly, putting her hand on Lena's arm. Even her voice was different. Mikasa always had had a smooth voice, but now it was more grown up. Lena gave her a kind smile and turned to Eren and the others, who had also compassionate smiles on their faces.

"It was hard, I know...But you can't imagine how happy I am now!" Lena felt the tears already falling heavily down her face "To know that you three are still together. Still alive, young and healthy. And knowing that you belong to the Scouts...It makes me so proud of you..."

"And we are happy knowing that you're alive as well..." Armin replied, making Lena look at him. The blonde boy looked at the table... The tears were starting to fall again "We really thought that you were gone..."

"We went to look for you on the next day. But there was no sign of you. We asked everyone if somebody had seen you and nobody could say anything..." Eren replied.

Guilt was starting to eat her soul... How were they alive and never encountered each other? All those years, they could've spend together as they usually did... And yet it was the terribçe fate playing its tricks on them.

"And I asked for you three as well before going to my brother's house. Nobody said anything, as I saw your mom I-" Lena stopped and took a deep breath "I really thought you were gone as well...I guess they were all too traumatized that they couldn't even remember..."

Lena looked at the table again... She was trying not to remember that, but she couldn't... All the memories from her that moment kept pursuing her, over and over again... Even more ears started falling down her cheeks. As she saw everyone with a sad face on, the gingerhead tried to lighten up the mood.

"Very well... We already talked about disgraces and bad things. Let's get to happier ones shall we?" Lena tried to put on a smile while she cleaned her tears.

"Okay, so what did you do after the fall of Shingashina?" Eren asked this time with more of a smile , already with curiosity on his eyes.

"Well...My brother let me stay in his house for some weeks. And then, I went to the convent of Wall Rose" Lena answered, making Eren let a small laugh, and eventually, so did Lena "But what's so funny?"

"So, you became a nun??" Eren tried to calm down. There was just no way Lena was a nun. She was too much wild and outgoing for that.

"Hey, hold your horses... Hold your horses that I'm not a nun yet" explained Lena, still smiling " I'm still just a novice"

"Then what are you doing here? I thought the church and the Scouting Regiment didn't get along" Jean asked, also with curiosity.

"The last nun that they hired from Sina gave up, God knows why. So, they decided to get another one from Rose. The Reverend Mother asked me if I wanted to do it, and I said yes" Lena replied, sounding confident, and aware of things "I just don't think I would make a good nun..."

"Yeah, you used to told us about it. But I never guessed that you would actually do it" Eren said, this time with a kind smile.

"But what about you? Why did you decide to enter in the Scouts?!All of you?!"

...

While the cadets told the redhead each reason why they had entered in the Scout Regiment, and how they had survived the fall of Wall Maria, on the table across the room, there were the the 5 leaders also chatting with themselves. Hange, Mike, Moblit, Levi and Erwin.

"Tch. The brat that you hired is really loud" Levi rolled his eyes to Erwin, that was in front of him.

"Yes, she is indeed" Erwin replied, with a small smile. He was actually curious about their opinions of her "With the time, she will calm down"

"Oh, I think she's fine!" Hange said, giving them an excited smile "I mean, at the dinner all I've heard was laughing from her! I bet she's super funny! I can't believe she wasted her time being on a boring convent! What do you think of her, Moblit?"

Hange took advantage of that moment. Moblit hadn't taken his eyes off her all dinner, with a deep shade of red on his cheeks. He looked at Hange, who gave him a playful smile.

"Think? Think of what?" He asked, caught off guard.

"You know, the newbie! The redhead that you've been looking all dinner!" Hange replied. Moblit was such a cinnamon roll. He couldn't even pretend that he hadn't noticed her.

"UM! I-I!" Moblit scratched his net and looked down embarrassed "S-She's f-fine, I guess..."

"Is the soup that warm? Your face is all red" Levi said in a sarcastic tone.

The redhead wasn't the most beautiful woman he had known, she had rather a simple apperance. With frizzy red curls, freckles in all her face and shoulders, thick undone eyebrows, and bigger body, as in chubbier, he meant.

But he couldn't say that he hadn't noticed her other features, after all, it was him who had taken her to Commander Erwin. She had such big blue eyes who shined with such an innocence and hope, almost with a childlike joy. Her excited and big smile reminded him so much of someone he once knew...

But God...She was too noisy. Almost like Hange, no wonder why she had liked her.

Besides being another religious crazy head like the last one they hired, Levi had no patience for people who talked too much. Especially too loud.

"Huh? W-What do you m-mean?" Moblit was ending himself. And Hange was loving the show.

"Oh, nothing! Let's just hope she doesn't end up like Mary, the one before her!" Hange said, still grinning. Then, she turned to the raven haired man, with a smirk and a playful smile "So! Please be nice to her, Levi!"

"You're saying like it was my fault that that saint went back to the happy life in her convent" Levi replied, drinking his cup of tea.

"Well...Wasn't it your fault?" The brunette asked again, clearly suspicious about the words of the squad captain.

"No, it wasn't. She left because she couldn't handle the pressure, she was useless and an incompetent. If she stayed it would only be a waste of lives. And I'm not sure if it won't happen again with this one"

Erwin almost choked on his drink. If there was one thing that could not happen, it was that Levi and and Lena would meet. He couldn't go through another quest of finding another nurse.

"E-Elena is one of the best novice healers in the convent of Rose" Erwin said, trying to sound secure in those words "And I'm sure the sisters made a good choice"

Levi looked once more at the table where the red-haired woman was sitting. She was no longer looking at him. She just laughed, smiled and talked, although she noticed a certain sorrow disguised between that artist posture.

Perhaps a little bit of loneliness...?

She reminded him so much of her...Even in personality.

He wondered if she would keep the same relaxed posture after the first expedition.

Chapter Text

After dinner, Lena went back to her 'house', to take a long sleep. She was exhausted. Once she got to bed, there was no one who could wake her up. She would also meet her room mate. She would be nice, she hoped.

She had also met Marco, Christa and Ymir after dinner. The redheaded girl really found it curious how two such different people could get along as well as those two girls. Christa seemed like a sweet and polite girl, while Ymir was more of a tomboy and a bit cold. But still, they seemed to love each other very much. Opposites attract, Lena thought. Already Marco was a complete sweetheart, she had really liked him.

The gingerhead opened the door carefully, and tried to see if her room mate was already inside. She could see the silhouette of a person. With the nerves on her heart, she opened the door and looked at the bed next o hers. It was a woman, maybe around her 40's, reading a book and looking at her with curiosity.

"Hello there" Lena started with a smile "I am the new nurse. You are my roomate, aren't you?"

"Well yes. Yes I am" The woman had a beautiful dark hair and two green eyes. A kind smile on her face and she so had freckles "I am Judy. It's nice to meet you"

Lena came closer to the middle age woman and gave her a friendly, yet excited handshake.

"Hello! I'm Elena, how do you do?" The redhead asked, with a big smile as usual.

They separated from themselves and Judy looked at Lena from her feet to her ginger bangs. Then, the middle age woman gave her a sweet smile.

"Elena...What a cute name" She said, still with a grin on her face.

Lena also looked at her from feet to head. She was elegant and had a good posture. Judy was dressed with a brown skirt until her knees and a white shirt with buttons. The redhead hope she could wear more colorful clothes than those.

"Thank you. You may call me Lena, if you like" The redhead replied with a sweet smile "That's what my friends call me. You see, I didn't like my name very much when I was little, so I told everyone to call me Lena. And that's how it ended up!"

"Well, both names are cute. They really suit you" Judy answered, with the same kind smile. She reminded Lena of Eren's mother..."You seem really young for a nurse. How old are you?"

"Oh, I'm 23. And you seem really old to-" Lena gasped, immediately stopping in the middle of what she was about to say. She had known she was messing things up again, as the red shade started to appear on her cheeks again "Ah, I mean...Um...You...Seem...To have a lot of experience. Yes..."

Judy started laughing at that sentence and at the clear nervousness of the redhead. Her stupid big mouth ruined always everything, always saying the wrong things at the wrong time.

"You are certainly funny. And you're right, I've been on the Scouting Regiment for 10 years"

"10 years?? 10 years ago I was still sleeping in my parents' bed!" Lena joked. 10 years ago she was 13, so she was pretty sure she wasn't sleeping on their bed at that time "So, you do have a lot of experience"

"And I'm not the oldest of here. The oldest is Rudella. She's been here for 30 years. And she's the best healer of here, but also a lot of demanding, so don't ever joke in front of her" Judy warned her with a playful smile.

"My God...Then I hope I'm at her standards. Otherwise I...I will be kicked out of here, faster...Faster then when the Colossal Titan kicked the blocks of Wall Maria" Lena said, this time not laughing, yet looking at Judy with a certain nervous expression.

"Do not worry, everything will go just fine. Besides, I'm always here to help you" Judy put her hand on the gingerhead's shoulder and they both smiled kindly.

"Really?! You will help me?!" Lena asked, with an excited voice. Judy nooded her head "Oh thank you, thank you so much!"

Judy looked outside and so did Lena. It was night, already.

"Of course I will help you. It's my duty as your new colleague. But now you should sleep. Today must have been a tiring day for you" Judy told her and Lena nooded.

Before going to sleep, Lena knelt next to her bed, in order to pray a little. She always sang the prayers her mother had thaught her before sleeping.

...

"AH!!!" Lena woke up in alarm with a peculiar noise of a whistle. Sitting on the bed, the gingerhead moaned with pain and put her hand on her head "Oh my God, what is this noise?? Where am I??"

Lena looked front and saw a woman. A pretty chubby woman. She had short curly brown hair already going grey, two brown eyes and was dressed in a black dress until her knees. By her looks, she could say that she was not happy to see her.

"You're in the Scout Regiment headquarters" She said in an annoyed voice. Her voice was high and dusty. All of her posture screamed leadership and respect. She was obviously around her 60's, clearly by the wrinkles on her face "The reunion of nurses is right now. So dress up, do what you have to do but fast"

"Wait...What?" Lena asked confused. She was really there. It wasn't any dream...She was really in the Scot Regiment...She started questioning herself how she found the courage to do such a crazy thing like that "But...Where is Judy?"

"Ms. Judy is already there"

"Huh?" Lena asked again with her eyebrows frowned in confusion as she scratched her right eye, still sleepy. Why didn't Judy wake her up? Strange, she thought "Then why didn't she wake me up?"

"She woke up earlier to finish some paperwork. So, hurry up and be ready at once"

Once the woman closed the door, Lena sighed and lied in the bed again. She put a pillow in front of her face looked to the ceiling. She was cold. And hungry...That room wasn't the warmest one in the world, and she only ate what they gave her for the dinner...

The redhead decided to get up and shave her wild orange curls. That were all disheveled. Then, a question popped on her mind. What about her clothes? There was her religious habit. She had no choice but to wear it...Which was a bad thing. She wasn't up to all the soldiers looking at her with strange looks again. But again, she was there to work, and she wasn't ashamed of being a novice.

There was a mirror in the room, and while taking her long night dress out, she stared at her naked figure's reflection. Her puberty had been a long time ago, but she couldn't remember the last time she looked at herself naked. When she became a novice, there were no mirrors on her room...

She was different from the last time she looked at her reflection without clothes. Her breasts got bigger and so did her curves, her thighs seemed to be even thicker from what they used to be...She was different indeed.

Shaking her head, Lena tried to get those thoughts away from her. She couldn't be late for the reunion, or that old woman who woke her up with that whistle would be even angrier at her. Putting her black habit, she got out of the bedroom and tried to find the nurse's offices. While passing through the crowds of cadets, she could find a sign saying that it was that way. With her excited and confident smile, she decided to follow it. Since she didn't want Captain Levi to show her the way again. And to be rude to her again.

Lena opened the door, that was the smallest one, with only 6 doors, for the 6 nurses. Great...Which one was it? Maybe she would start at the first one.

KNOCK!

KNOCK!

KNOCK!

"You may enter..." She heard a familiar dusty old voice replied. It was probably the woman who woke her up at the morning.

Slowly and taking a deep breath, the gingerhead opened the door of the office. It said Rudella. Perhaps she was the person who Judy was talking about last night. The one who had been in the Scout Regiment for more than 30 years. It didn't surprise her...She looked like a Commander but from the nurses, with a good and imposing posture.

And there she was. The same brown and grey hair, brown eyes, chubby appearance and a stoic posture. Next to her, it was Judy, tall, black hair, green eyes and slim.

Besides them, there were four more nurses. One was even taller tan Judy, and she looked like she was older than her a few years. This one had blond hair, already with some grey nuances and her hair in a ponytail. Next to her, there was the shortest one of them, but still was taller than Lena. Brown hair, hazel eyes and freckles. She appeared to be maybe on her late 30's. That one looked like her sister Louise. The one next to her, was also a bit chubby, blue eyes, curly blond hair and a kind smile.

Then, the one that made Lena feel shivers on her spine. She was tall, thin and had the eyes of a person who was about to kill someone. Long black straight hair and two black eyes, even darker than the night. Gosh, she looked like a witch on her early 30's.

"Good morning! How do you do?!" Lena asked excited to all of them. They all laughed, except for the oldest and the one who looked like a wicked witch.

"We're fine, thank you" The oldest answered. She took a good look at her, and Lena felt a bit awkward "I really hope your need of sleep requires less time than that. I had to enter in your room with a whistle, and I only do that when I don't like what I'm sensing..."

"I'm sorry. Nobody told me at which hours to wake up and I-"Lena got interrupted by her again.

"I don't wanna hear excuses. Now, to the presentation. I am Rudella. I'm the oldest nurse here and I've served the Scout Regiment for 40 years"

"40 years, oh God..." Lena repeated in a whisper, making the other nurses laugh, except one of them.

Rudella took a good look at her again.

"Don't you have any more clothes? Wearing the habit is unpractical"

"Well, I- I 've already told Commander Erwin. He's going to give me my uniform today. And just after this I'm going to buy fabrics at Trost" Lena explained the issue. They had to know that, they had already one nun from her convent.

"Very well, then. These are going to be your colleagues from now on. Please present yourselves" The oldest nurse ordered.

"I am Judy and we've already met" Judy said with a kind smile, which made Lena return the gesture "I really hope you enjoy the things here"

"Thank you!"

"I'm Helga. And I hope we get along well" The blond one said with a sweet and high pitched voice "Even though, I'm pretty shy at first"

"Oh, it's okay! I talk a lot!" Lena replied. Immediately understanding the second later that it didn't make any sense "U-Uh...I-I mean It is okay, because... I like meeting new people"

"I am Gabriele and I'm also from the convent of Rose. And it's nice to meet you, Elena" The brunette with hazel eyes said. So she was sister Gabriele. She was the one the sisters were talking about. She could say she was from a convent, with a rosary on her neck, all of her presence transmitted light and peace.

"It's nice to meet you too!" Lena replied, smiling excited as always.

"I am Berthe and I've served the Scout Regiment for 20 years. So, I am the second in command!" The curly blonde presented herself, also taking a lot with her hands, as Lena did.

"I am Evelyn. And I really hope you are as people say" It was the dark haired woman that looked like a witch.

"Huh...What do people say about me, exactly?" Lena asked in a nervous way.

"You know, they say you're one of the best healers in your convent. But you're so young that..." Evelyn looked at her eyes, with a deadly look. It was so weird...It was like she had no bright in them. There was simply emptiness "It's actually hard to believe..."

Arcking an eyebrow, Lena had accepted the challenge, so, she put on a sassy and attentive expression.

"Well...For you to know" Lena replied, offended, but tried to remain calm "Age doesn't even matter to Jesus if you do your job well. And I have already 4 years of experience, I'm any new person who has no idea what she's doing"

Evelyn smirked arrogantly and came closer to the gingerhead, that casually stepped back.

"You're a pretty confident nun. Am I right? Let's see if all that confidence doesn't end up blinding you" Evelyn replied in a harsh and cutting tone. Lena's nerves were on fire....

What was that woman's problem?

She was about to reply something, when Berthe grabbed her shoulder. Lena looked at her and the older woman gave her a 'it's okay, she's just like that' look.

The gingerhead sighed...She didn't want to start in a bad way with one of her colleagues.

"Now, miss Häustler" Rudella started, breaking in the tension in the room "This is going to be your office. You have already everything you need here"

The oldest nurse started to walk towards the office, and Lena payed attention on what she was saying. She opened a drawer where there were some, medicine, alcohol, cotton and needles.

"This is where the first aid quit is. And here are the needles and the cotton whenever a soldier is with a deep cut. Have you ever done that?" Rudella asked.

"Yes, yes. I've done it many times" Lena asked with a kind smile.

"Good. Then, there is the bed. Whenever a soldier is sick, or with an injure that makes him unable to walk, or when a soldier is simply resting. There are two more beds if there are many of them with pretty severe injures.Although it probably won't be necessary since we are going to handle them" The old woman explained, while walking on he office.

The office was similar to Commander Erwin's. Only it was much bigger. With a window where they could look at the trees, probably to calm them down. Then, a washbasin, with some drawers were, a bed, her desk with some papers, some pens and pencils and some medicine.

"Your stethoscope is in the drawer of your desk and you'll use specially in physical check ups. You'll also have a libra next to the bed and a height meter. The physical check ups will be tomorrow. Do you get it?" Rudelle continued, and Lena kept taking mental notes. Gosh...Next next next day. Would she have time to memorize all of that.

"B-But tomorrow?! You mean like...Tomorrow tomorrow? The day after today?!" The nervousness of Lena started to make her heart beat fast.

"Of course. After tomorrow they have the expedition on Wall Maria. We have to make sure everyone is ready" Rudella explained, being pretty serious about it "But don't worry. You'll have no choice but to memorize all of it"

"At your orders, sir!" Lena answered, pretending to put on a stoic and serious expression

"It's ma'me! Commander Erwin and Captain Levi, they are sirs!" The woman corrected and kept walking. This time, she stopped in front of Lena.

"Got it!" Lena replied with an enthusiastic "Do you have any more questions?"

"Yes. Did you memorize all the names?"

"Judy, Helga, Gabriele, Berthe and Evelyn" The gingerhead said, excited "And you are Commander Rudella, the leader of the nurses!"

Lena made a salute and Rudella smirked on her already growing old face.

"Great. I hope you're ready for what's ahead of you. Because the Scout Regiment is anything but easy! So, we truly trust you, Elena" Rudella said, this time more confident about the abilities of the redhead.

A whole new future, a whole new life was ahead of her... 

Chapter Text

Lena passed the rest of the afternoon making her new dresses. Beautiful dresses of all her favourite colors, from the fabrics she had bought on the second day in the Scout Regiment in Trost.

Yellow, blue, white, pink, green, violet, with lots of patterns, just like flowers... Just like her soul, full of color.

Judy helped her with some of them, and Lena was really thankful. By dinner time, with Judy's help, she had already five dresses. One more dress and it was enough. After all, how many dresses did a nurse need?

Lena was afraid they would have to wear boring colored fabrics. The gingerhead liked colorful fabrics, like her favorite color. Blue. Lena absolutely loved blue. Not only it matched her eyes, but also because it reminded her of freedom. They were very light and flowed with the wind, they gave her freedom to move better. Which was something she didn't have in her novice habit.

At dinner, she ate again with Eren and his friends. This time with Ymir and Christa as well. Christa was a sweetheart and Ymir was kind of a Tomboy. Still, they seemed to really love each other. Lena found that really cute.

Levi, on the other hand, was getting tired. Her voice could be heard from one place to the other on the caffeteria. He wondered how someone could be almost as loud as Hange that, by the way, also introduced herself to the gingerhead at dinner

"So you're really from a convent?" Hange asked with a curious look. Lena just smiled and nooded "I thought that Erwin was just joking. But turns out you really are a nun!"

"Well then, guys. I'm going to our table that shorty is getting all stressed out! See ya!" Hange laughed and walked over the captain's table. All the cadets could do was laugh, and so did the redhead.

But then, the redhead subtly looked over their table and found a pair of piercing grey eyes looking directly at hers, while he drank a cup of tea. His eyes were like a storm. Cold as ice and tough as a rock. It made her shivers on her spine, and she decided to look at the other cadets instead. They all started talking again, making Lena feel more relaxed.

Levi, on the other hand, was surprised to see Lena looking directly at him, catching the right moment when he was staring at her. It didn't intimidate him, but even so, it got him off guard.

Her eyes were blue, but not a cold blue. Instead, they were blue as the sky, but also sorrowful as the waters of a river...

He decided to continue staring at her to see her reaction, which surprised to see that she kept looking at him. Normally she would immediately look down or at least stop directly at his eyes. The redhead, eventually looked at the other direction with the cadets laughing and chatting.

"Tch. You had to go there interrupt our dinner" Levi rolled his eyes, not understanding why Hange had gone to their table to talk to the newbie.

"In case you didn't notice, I have already eaten" Hange answered with a smirk, sitting on the table again to drink her tea "And you should go there to meet the new nurse as well. Lena is really nice!"

"I have more things to do that talk to a noisy chick. And besides I already met her when she arrived in the headquarters..." Levi stated with a bored voice. He looked back at her again. That smile...

She reminded him of Isabel. And Levi knew that wasn't going to be good...

____________________

"Be careful out there tomorrow, okay?" Lena said, while ending a physical check up to one of the cadets. They were going to have an expedition on the next day, so they had to be healthy.

"I will, thank you. Goodbye" He said and then, he left the room. Waiting for their time outside of the office, there were other soldiers waiting for the physical check up. Lena smiled. She was actually enjoying doing that. Some soldiers weren't very nice, but all she had to do was to see if everything was doing great.

Then, she heard a knock in the door. It probably was her next check up. It was pretty easy, she thought. Way easier than healing people in the convent. But Lena knew that the hard part was still coming. When they came back from the expedition. That part scared Lena the most.

"You may come in" Lena answered in a sweet voice. But, the person that came in immediately stopped her smiley figure.

It was Captain Levi. The Humanity's Strongest Soldier. The most unapproachable human being in all the walls. Lena gulped.

That was going to be a long check up...

"Captain! It's an honor to have you here, sir" Lena tried to act nice and friendly, but deep inside, she was feeling a bad vibe. He was looking at her with arrogance, after all "I know I may sound a bit too honorific and all, but it's true that it's an honor for me to have you here!"

"Well...If it's such an honor, please hurry up. I got more things to do" Levi replied arrogantly, while he sat down on the chair.

Lena sighed, already a bit annoyed...The typical reply.

"Right. Let's hear your heartbeat first" Lena said. The ginger went to pick up her stethoscope and put in on her ears "If you don't mind, please remove your shirt. It's better for me to do the check up"

Levi let another one of his tchs and quickly unbuttoned his shirt. He was clearly getting tired of being there. Medical check ups were probably really boring for him. He took off his shirt, showing all of his naked torso, showing all of his scars, some of them deeper than others.

Lena sighed, embarrassed, already feeling her cheeks heating up, and put the stethoscope in the man's back.

"A-Alright, inhale and exhale. Do it 4 times" Lena orders and Levi seemed pissed.

He was probably really frustrated to see someone who was not his superiors ordering him. But he had to swallow that, otherwise he would die sooner than he thought. Then, the redhead picked a flashlight.

"Very well. Everything is normal. Now we are going to have to check....Your eyes... Open them widely"

"Is all of that really necessary?" Levi asked.

"Look, haven't you ever done a medical check up?" Lena was starting to lose her patience. Not only he was being slow as hell, but he was also contradicted for no reason.

"Of course I have. Is that even a question?"

"Then, you'd know that yes. All of this is really necessary. Isn't that how the other nurses work in here?"

"It's your first time, and I don't really trust your decisions. You're the one who has never done a medical check up before" Levi replied, with stuck-upness and arrogance that made Lena's blood boiling. She looked at him with an offended expression.

"Are you trying to say that I don't know what I'm doing??" Lena asked, maybe a little bit louder than she thought.

"Look, the nuns in your convent might think that you're a prodigy. But you have no idea of the things that happen here..." Levi replied, making Lena feel even more tense "People come from expeditions with no arms or with not legs, or other parts of their body. This is for experienced and serious people. And I believe that you haven't mentalized yourself of that. This is only a warning"

Lena looked at him with shock. How dared he to call her an incompetent? On her freckled cheeks, a dark shape of red was starting to appear, only it was because of anger. Her eyebrows frowned in an expression of absolute annoyance.

"I'm sorry, captain. I'm very direct... Sometimes too much" Lena said, also looking away "Now c'me on, let's finish this before it finishes with us"

She took a look at him...

One thing that Lena couldn't deny, was the he was a truly handsome man, at least what she thought. With such a mysterious and cold aura, it was a weird sensation...Being in the convent for so much long made her almost impossible to see a healthy and young man. Of course, the other soldiers that she had treated weren't that ugly either. But the gingerhead needed to stay focused. She was there on God's will, and besides. Levi could be attractive at the outside, but what guided her was on the heart. And the captain's heart was a stone.

This time, it was his turn to sigh. He didn't trust her. But he had no choice but to follow her orders and that frustrated him. She was always smiling, always laughing...That was the only time he had actually saw a serious Lena. Even when she was serious, her innocent look still remained. She sure was direct. Well at least that was enjoyable in her. Though he wasn't sure if she was direct or was simply a troublemaker. Maybe that was the reason why the nuns had sent her away. One more reason not to trust her.

Lena came closer to the Captain's face again, to analyze his eyes...Touching them to see them closer, Levi opened them widely...That was really embarrassing...He couldn't even open them straight. There was a tension in the air...A strange tension...Lena's heart started to beat a bit fast...But she had no idea why. Analyzing his right eye and breathing a bit heavily, Levi took some sighs...That never ended did it? The raven haired man only wanted to get out of there. There was even a moment when he could felt her orange curl on his cheek...

"Oh God...." Lena mumbled while she came closer to the Captain's eyes. On her face was a frown of curiosity, yet confusion.

"What?"

"Captain...How many hours of sleep do you have per night?" Lena asked, watching closely his right eye, touching it so he could open it more widely. 

"I rarely sleep...But when I do, I get maybe 2 hours or something" Levi answered. Then, he opened the other eye so Lena could see it as well.

"WHAT??" Lena exclaimed on a way that made the raven haired ears hurt. He let another of his tch's and scratched his ear of his ear because of the nurse's sudden scream "Captain, you have an idea how much little sleep you have?? That is really dangerous!"

"I've had this since I can remember...It hasn't affected my expeditions and performance in training in any way. So I don't understand why you're making a huge deal out of it" Levi crossed his arms...None of the nurses who ever did his medical check-up have ever noticed it, or even dared to warn him out of it...So why was that one doing it?

"It may not be a huge deal in the physical aspect, which it still is anyways. But what insomnia affects the most is here" Lena touched her head with her index finger, widening her blue eyes "Have you been depressed, easily irritated, anxiety, constant unsatisfied feeling?"

"Well...Yes. But I've had things like that since ever" Levi crossed his arms again, looking sarcastically at her. She just sighed...That man could be even more stubborn that she was.

"I doesn't matter. You see? Insomnia is affects a lot the psychological. If you're not balanced in your mind, you won't be able to balance your body as well. Just like the author of a book I'm reading said, 'Sane mind in a sane body'" Lena picked her notebook and started writing something on it "The thing is...I'm still not sure what the treatments for that issue are...It would be better if you didn't go to the expedition tomorrow but-" 

"Tch...No way I'm gonna miss an expedition. I'm not a cadet, I can handle well some shit that I've always had in my life" Levi insisted, but Lena looked at him with a tired expression.

"What I was trying to say...Was that it would be better if you didn't go. BUT, you are a Squad captain after all, so it's better if we don't take any risks. Instead, you'll have to come here again, maybe next week. I'll try to find a book about it so we can try to solve your problem"

"You gotta be fucking kidding me...You know I have training to do, right?"

"The health of the soldiers is more important than any other thing. You, as a captain, should know that by now" Then, Lena moved around to his back and put her hands on his back. Levi went tense and confused. What was that redhead trying to do? "Don't be so tense, I'm just trying to check your muscles. To see if everything is in their right place"

"Tch, fine do what you want..."

Levi let a sigh...He was enjoying the feeling, but what he wasn't enjoying, was the check up that never ended. She made pressure especially on his neck, which made him frustrated. The other nurses had never done that in a medical check-up...Then, she went slowly to his shoulders...He tensed even more...Shivers in all his body...He wasn't used to have that much physical contact and especially not by someone like Lena...He hated to admit, but that woman was beautiful...And her touch was so gentle, like her hands were made of glass...And he was a man. That meant nothing of course...He interacted with beautiful women all the time, it was a common reaction to be feel embarrassed by that. Especially since he wasn't so used to it. 

"Aren't you done, yet?" Levi asked frustrated and embarrassed. The gingerhead made more pressure on his shoulders and he tried to contain himself...

"Yes, I actually am" Lena casually answered, removing her hand from his back "I was just massaging your back  and your neck to see if there is some nodule. But it seems that everything is fine. When you get back from the expedition, we'll work in your insomnia "

"Huh, for once in my life, I actually wouldn't mind to die in a expedition" Levi said sarcastically.

"Oh, don't worry. If you die out there, that problem is solved either way..." Lena said, finally giggling a bit after that tense moment "Now. You can put your clothes back on"

Levi started to feel relief again. Finally that shit was going to be over. He hated medical check-ups so much...Levi buttoned his shirt again and Lena sat again on her desk. He stood up and took a glance at her...Lena had a lot of paperwork to do. A lot of files to write with information of the soldiers

"I bet they didn't tell you about that part" Levi said. The gingerhead looked at him with her eyebrows frowned of confusion "The paperwork. That's by far the worst part of working in here...Good luck with that"

"Don't even tell me about that!!  I have huge files of paperwork to do!" Lena whined returning to her loud voice. That made Levi do his tired and annoyed expression.

"Also...Speak more quietly. And less, it's annoying" Levi replied.

"Uhhh well if you don't like then-!" Lena was about to reply when the Captain closed the door right to her face. Lena's eyebrows frowned again with annoyance. That was a really bad second impression...

"Arrogant man..." Lena thought and started reading the book she was studying again.

"Annoying chick..." Levi thought while walking through the corridors of the barracks.

Chapter Text

The freckled cheeks sighed and entered in the bedroom, starting taking of her shoes and dress, to put herself on her long and large night dress. That had been a really long day and Lena had never felt that tired before. One whole afternoon of medical check-ups, before the important expedition on the next day. Luckily, the cadets only had to go to Trost, which was already a relief in Lena's heart. It would mean her sugarplums would be at safety...

The redhaired foud that bedroom really comfortable, not as good as hers at the convent, of course, but it was really cosy and she loved it. 

There was just one thing that Lena missed...The music. 

In there, there wasn't any music, only the talking and some laughs of the soldiers. Lena was missing that the most. So, that was when she had an idea. Why not play a bit on her guitar?

Immediately, already in her white and long night dress and barefoot, the redhaired knelt down and opened her guitar case. Her blue eyes went brighter once she saw the instrument and a gentle smile appeared on her snow face. The same good old instrument that had lived with her since she was 9 years old, when her father gave it to her. Of course, that after the Shingashina Fall, her guitar had been completely destroyed, she was sure. But even so, the memories of her father playing the guitar couldn't get out of her mind.

Carefully, to make the less noise possible, Lena picked up the brown guitar and started to try tuning the instrument. She played one chord, and immediately moved the keys. She played another one, while singing the melody in 'Na na na na na'. Moving the keys up and down, the guitar was already tuned. Doing soft chords and movements in the guitar, she started playing.

(Click the link and listen to the song :))

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-sKfCf3LzY

"My sweet heart, come along
Don't you hear the sweet song?
O sweet notes of the nightingale flow
Don't you hear the fond tale
Of the sweet nightingale
As she sings in the valleys below

As she sings in those valleys below..." Then, Lena tried to make it a little bit faster.

"Pray let me alone, I have hands of my own
Along with you Sir I'll not go
To hear the fond tale of the sweet nightingale
As she sings in the valleys below

As she sings in those valleys below...

Pray sit yourself down, with me on the ground
On the speck where the primroses grow
You shall hear the fond tale
Of the sweet nightingale
As she sings in the valleys below

As she sings in those valleys below....

The couple agreed and were married with speed
And soon to the judge they did go
No long is she afraid for to walk in the shade
Nor to sit in those valleys below. Not to sit in those valleys bellow..."

She suddenly stopped playing and sighed, not even noticing Judy entering in the bedroom, with a kind smile on her face.

"That was truly beautiful..." Judy said to her, catching the gingerhead off guard, which made her look at her really surprised "But I wouldn't recommend you to play guitar and sing at this hour of the night. Some of nurses might hear and report you to to Captain Levi"

Great...Getting reported to Captain Levi was the last thing she wanted at that moment. Or interacting with Captain Levi at all. Lena looked at Judy with tired eyes, that made the brunette sigh. She couldn't help it. Music was everything she had.

"I'm sorry, Judy! I couldn't contain myself! I'm so tired that I really needed to play some music to relax and calm me down..." Lena sighed, looking at the guitar again "And to sing. I really needed to sing. I haven't sang for two days, Judy, you know how long that is?"

Judy just laughed and started dressing on her night dress as well. It was similar to Lena's only it was less large and blue. Quickly, Judy lied on her bed, covering her body with the sheets. Lena observed her. She was on her 40's and a very good nurse. Would she be able to become one one day? Worse, would she be able to stay for at least a year in the Scout Regiment? The doubts started appearing in her mind.

"I understand you...We never had music here..." Judy stated, as Lena put her guitar next to the wardrobe "You know, no one is ever in the mood for that. But you seem to be the opposite"

Lena put the candle on the bedside table and lied down her bed, that was a bit smaller that Judy's. Covering herself on the sheets, she looked at the ceiling and sighed. The gingerhead was really scared. She was scared of losing all those lovely cadets, especially Eren, Mikasa and Armin. Music was the only thing that ever seemed to calm her down...

"I use music as like an escape from life. I play when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm angry and when I'm tired. All I do leads me to sing" Lena sighed "I sound like a mad woman who's not taking her job seriously, don't I?"

"Oh! Lena, why would I think such a thing?" Judy laughed "I think it's perfectly normal. If music makes you happy, then you should do it. Only if it doesn't affect your job"

"Oh no, Judy. It has never affected my job in any way" She answered "Oh! I forgot to pray!"

Quickly, Lena stood up from her bed and Judy followed her with her eyes. The redhead knelt down, closed her eyes and held both of her hands. Another thing that gave meaning to her life. God's will.

"Dear lord, thank you for giving me such an opportunity to start a new life and to try new things. I'm eternally greatful to you and I promise to always do your will. Bless all of the soldiers that are going on the expedition tomorrow, and please, please, please, don't let them enter in your kingdom yet. They're not ready and are too young. Bless all the nurses that have been so kind to me, bless the sisters in the convent who I know are supporting me, bless Commander Erwin, Commander Hange and Captain Levi, and make them conquer their dream of freeing the humanity. Bless all of the soldiers and give them strength for the next missions, bless all the people that are still left of humanity and give them courage to continue fighting. In the name of the father, of the son and of the holy spirit. Amen" 

Lena prayed, and then blessed her self. The ginger haired woman turned her head and put her big blue eyes at the middle age woman, who was looking at her with curiosity. Most likely wondering what she would next...

The freckled cheeks smiled at her.

"I'm going to say a prayer to give me strenght that my mother taught me. You want to hear it?"

Judy gave her a compationate look and nodded her head.

"Of course, your prayers help me sleep"

...

All of the soldiers were almost ready to go their expedition within Wall Maria. Lena observed them as she was walking through the headquarters. Some of them seemed excited, yet others seemed really scared. The gingerhead wanted so bad to keep them all safe, but she simply couldn't do it. She wasn't a soldier and she couldn't order them to stay. Now that she thought about it, it was a bit silly.

She was already in her new light pink dress. With some brushes and fabrics of every color, she could draw lots of flowers on the skirt. In her black boots, she continued walking through the tough ground, almost feeling all of their pain. Suddenly, she saw some young soldiers all in a circle and she heard a cry.

The gingerhead came closer to see what it was, and her eyes widened when she saw a man, not much younger than her, in a fetus position on the ground, crying and screaming.

"It's so okay. Everything will be fine" The others said, trying to calm him down.

"NO!!! I'M NOT GOING!!! I'M GOING TO DIE IN THERE!!!" He yelled, heavy tears falling down his cheeks.

Lena frowned her thick eyebrows, thinking of whom those desperate screams belonged. The gingerhead entered in the circle and the others looked at her, curious.

"Hey, what's going on?" Lena asked, calmly. She wouldn't forgive herself if she didn't at least, tried to do something.

"It's Benjamin! He's having a panic attack!" A female soldier answered, also on the ground, trying to calm him down, with her hand on his shoulders.

Lena knelt down and came closer to Benjamin. His eyes were a deep red for the crying, and his hair was a dark brown.

His expression showed a complete feeling of despair. A fear that Lena had seen right in the day when Wall Maria fell.

"Hey, hey, hey...It's okay..." Lena tried to say softly, as she forced the young boy to look at her. She put both of her hands on his cheeks and gave him a kind smile "Nothing will happen...Everything will be fine..."

"NO!!! I WILL DIE IN THERE!!!THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND!!! I DON'T WANNA DIE!!!" Benjamin cried desperately.

"First. Calm down and look at me..." Lena said in a soft voice. He continued crying "Benjamin, look at me...Come one"

Still crying, his brown eyes looked at her blue eyes and Lena gave him another kind smile on her freckled face.

"Everything will be alright...Your comrades will be there to help you..." Benjamin seemed to be calming down, but even so, he couldn't stop crying in despair "Now, come on...Calm down, Benjamin. Everything will be fine. You just have to believe..."

Lena hugged him on the ground and he seemed to calm down a little. Lena passed her hand on his back, to give him comfort. He closed his eyes again and he stopped crying that loud.

"There....Calm down..." He seemed to calm down. Benjamin started to slow his breathing "Come on, breath...Now, look at me"

Benjamin looked at her with his brown eyes, red from the crying. Lena gave him another one of her kind smiles, and she touched both of his cheeks with her hands.

"You don't have to be afraid...Your comrades will be there, your captain will be there, your commander will be there...They're not going to abandon you" Lena said in a soft voice "I'm not a soldier, but I can give you an advice for today's expedition. Think about all the things that make you happy, have faith, have courage, and, if you have one, pray a little to a rosary"

Lena stood up and held his hand with her warm touch. Her hand was so soft and warm... The gingerhead giggled and the teenager gave her a little smile. Not only his eyes were, but his cheeks were starting to be with a deep shade of red. He scratched the back of his head with embarrassment.

"I'm sorry..." He was only able to say that, but that didn't stop Lena to give him another smile "I didn't want to worry anyone..."

"It's alright. But remember what I told you, you hear me?" Lena continued and gave him another hug "There..."

They separated from themselves and the people who were watching the scene looked at the gingerhead with shock on their expressions. Lena looked at everyone and smiled, full of hope and kindness. They were just looking at her...

"Guys. Before you go out there...Just remember that this is what you've been trained for. You won't be alone" Lena stated with confidence in her voice "Remember what your goal is. Remember the reason you're here and remember that you still wanna live to see the next day. But most important, believe in yourself. Believe in your superiors and know that you can do it!"

They all nooded, some of them smiling at her words. Others were crying and Benjamin was only red on his face and eyes. Lena winked at him, in a friendly way, and started walking towards Rudella's office, to give the rest of her files that the sisters had forgotten to hand to Commander Erwin and the reports of the check-up of the soldiers.

"Who was that girl, after all?" One person asked, Benjamin, however, couldn't take his eyes off her, wondering about who that such kind woman was.

"I don't know, I've never seen her here before" Another one answered. Ben sighed, but he didn't smile.

"She's the new nurse. She was the one who made my medical check-up" Other cadet replied.

The Saint of the Scout Regiment.

Lena's heart broke into pieces watching that scene. She couldn't not help him, she wanted to do for them what no one did for her in the fall of Shingashina. Saying that they wouldn't be alone, saying that there would still be hope.

...

KNOCK!

KNOCK!

KNOCK!

Lena knocked the door of Rudella's office, with the rest of her files. She couldn't stop thinking about that poor boy.

How he was scared, how he was desperate. He was probably another one of the survivors from the Fall of Wall Maria. When she looked at him, she was seeing the terrified faces of the people on that day. On that horrifying and cruel day. The freckled cheeks sighed...She hated so much the vibes of that place. A place where it should be about teamwork and hope, she was only feeling despair and anger.

"Name and business" Rudella said. Then Lena remembered that she always forgot to say that when someone entered in her office. She was used to say 'you may enter' but appearently, in there it was a dumb thing to say before saying that.

"It's Lena, ma'me. I have here the rest of my files that were missing" Lena answered. The nuns in the convent had forgotten to send her files, so she had to say it out loud to Commander Erwin. To precaution, they had to have that written, so they sent a letter to the convent asking for those files.

"Oh, you may enter, Elena" The older woman replied, making Lena stepping forward. Rudella was her desk filling some paperwork, probably about the information from the soldier who were going to the mission on that day. Lena closed the door and smiled to Rudella.

"Good morning, Comman-" Lena immediately stopped talking. Crap, she always forgot that she wasn't a commander "I-I mean...Good morning mrs. Rudella"

"Good morning, Häustler. I suppose that you have already your files" Rudella said, taking of her reading glasses and looking at the gingerhead.

"Yes! I do have them here! The sisters apologize, actually" Lena replied, handing the papers to the older woman "They said they were sorry and that they had forgotten to send them"

Rudella analyzed the paperwork and Lena looked around, still thinking about that scene next to her cabin. Was the boy finally calm? Were the other cadets like that too? Did anyone else need to calm down? Those were a lot of questions for a surprisingly little time before Rudella started talking again.

"Yes, I believe everything is here" Rudella took off her glasses again and put them in the table. Lena smiled without showing her teeth, curious about Rudella's reaction to her regists. She wondered what the leader of the nursed thought of her in that moment, after seeing her information "You may go now, thank you"

"Um...Excuse me, ms. Rudella..." Lena started "But...Does it usually happen the soldiers starting to cry in despair before going to an expedition?"

"Well, of course it's normal. They may or may not be back here after that. The most experienced soldiers can hold their tears, but the youngest ones, especially the ones who just stopped being cadets, are really afraid of what can happen"

"And...Don't the most experienced soldiers try to help them?"

"Some of them do. But they usually let the cadets support each other so they can develop teamwork and bond" Rudella answered. She was right about that, being supportive towards each other was a great way to bond and to develop teamwork. But Lena couldn't stop thinking that...They were just kids after all "But why do you ask?"

"Oh, nothing! It's just that I saw a soldier crying and his friends were trying to help them. It still didn't seem to be working out, so I tried to calm him down. He wasn't a cadet but... He still seemed to be very young. It really hurts to see children passing through those emotions at such a young age" Lena replied, looking at the side.

"Well, Elena...You are right about that. At least the children should have some help, especially in moments like this. Unfortunately, we can't do anything about it. It's only up the superiors" Lena was surprised about Rudella actually agreeing with her. She should talk to Commander Erwin about that. Maybe after the expedition.

...

"Wow...When there's a expedition things here get really lonely" Lena commented in the cafeteria. She was lunching with Judy and Helga, while the other nurses were still finishing their work. Seeing the tables so empty made Lena feel an empty feeling inside of her, like something was missing.

"Yes...They sure do. You'll get used to it, don't worry" Helga answered, eating her hot potato.

"I think I'll never get used to see soldiers go to an expedition to where they may not come back..." Lena sighed and looked at the ceiling.

"Well, Lena, it's their job. What are they supposed to do?" Judy asked, finding her caring and compassion with the youngest soldiers really funny.

"I can't help it, Judy! They are so kind and especially the younger ones have so much life ahead of them...It hurts so much thinking that they may not come back. And even if they do, most of them will come with their hearts broken. When people around you are dying, you can't help but feel guilty to be alive..."

Helga and Judy sighed... Lena was right, after all. They were really good kids and it really messed with their head how such young people could go out there to sacrifice themselves for the humanity.

They were really strong, indeed. But even so, they were just teenagers. Rebel and wild teenagers. It reminded Lena about her life back in Shingashina. She was their age when her father died... 15 years old. She cried rivers of tears that day...Well...3 days. Not even in the fall of Wall Maria she cried that much. Maybe it was because it was not only affecting her, and made her relieved that people actually understood what they were passing and were put together to help the population. On that time, she was 18. Now she remembered how naive she was... Now with 23, still was a bit. More mature and wiser, and all thanks to her sisters and in God.

18 years old. She imagined if she was 15 like the cadets of there...Lena couldn't even imagine losing friends to hungry titans at 15 years old...

"It's so not fair..." Lena sighed, resting her chin on her hand "People suffering like this... No one deserves, not even the meanest person in the Walls"

"You are from Shingashina, aren't you?" Judy asked, and Lena looked down. She nooded in agreement "You must have been through a lot... I'm sorry..."

"Why are you saying sorry?" Lena gave the best she could of a smile "It's not your fault..."

"We know, but it's always hard" Helga continued. The gingerhead looked at her, with her eyes already a bit sad "But at least you've come far. The Scout Regiment isn't for anyone. It takes a lot of strength, courage and talent. So be flattered if the sisters in the convent chose you"

"Wow...I already knew it was important but I never guessed that it was that... You know, very very important" Lena giggled, drinking her cup of water right after that. Then, the loneliness and longing was back on her eyes "I only wished my parents were here to see it..."

The other nurses exchanged looks of compassion and sorrow. The gingerhead noticed those looks and quickly tried to recover from that expression. She hated that people felt pity for her.

"God, don't look at me with those eyes...I don't need people to feel bad for me" Lena said with confidence, even if it seemed fake, in her voice. The nurses let small smiles, already understanding the whole picture "It was actually God who gave me all this strength. Also the sisters in the convent. I wasn't the half as strong if I hadn't gone to them. I'm so thankful... I don't know if I'll ever be able to repay them... "

The two women looked at each other and smiled towards Lena. The gingerhead was so generous...They couldn't remember meeting someone that genuine. Everything she said, the way she talked, the way she moved... Everything of her was transparent as glass.

"You already did..." Helga started, being the only one from the convent of Rose "You doing God's will is enough repayment. And I know that you found it right here..."

Lena smiled, really happy about having someone to talk to after all those years in a convent full of grouchy nuns, that once she started to talk, were already getting out of that place, without patience to hear her. Not about the deepest things, but for the silly things that made her happy like, a flower in the Spring or a rainbow after a rainy day, or when snow covered the grass in the winter. Or when playing music, for example!

"You have no idea how happy that makes me feel...You know, one of my fears about coming here was being... Like a stronger" Lena explained, always moving her hands to give better the idea. When she talked, she ways moved a lot her hands and arms, but she never noticed that "But I was wrong... You're so welcoming and nice... Everyone here treated me really good!"

"Even Captain Levi? That surprises me..." Helga answered, making Lena choke on the water she was drinking. All she could see was Judy's amused expression.

"Are you okay, Lena?" Judy asked, giggling. Lena coughed because of the water and gave nervous laughs.

"Me?? Yes, yes everything's fine! Why wouldn't I be okay?" Lena replied, still coughing in a nervous way.

"Lena...What happened with the Captain?" Helga asked in a suspicious tone of voice, crossing her arms. Lena sighed...

Lena couldn't say she hated Levi, after all, he had never done anything to her. All he did was do his job... But even so, she wasn't a fan of his style at all. He was a ball made of arrogance and coldness. Gosh, the redhead hoped she wouldn't ever again make a medical check-up to him.

"Oh, nothing! I was the one who did his medical check-up and... I am surprised how he doesn't have any wrinkles already..." Judy and Helga started to laugh out loud, capturing the attention of other workers in there "What? What did I say wrong??"

"Oh Lena..." Judy replied, still laughing with Helga "He's not that old, you know?!"

"I know! But have you looked at him? He's always with a bad face... I've never seen him smile!" Lena answered, while Judy and Helga were still laughing "Please don't tell him I said this, the last thing I want is to be reported to Captain Levi... Better yet! I don't think I want to interact with him, ever again..."

"Well, I understand you... Captain Levi is a pretty distant man. He's really unapproachable, especially on his first years in the Scouting Regiment" Helga said, and Lena's widened.

"You met him when he was a cadet?" Lena asked, imagining Levi as a rebel teenager, but somehow, not being able to.

"Well...He wasn't actually a cadet. He was maybe on his 20's. To be fair, I never payed much attention to him...I have never even done his medical check-up" Helga stated, making Lena let a sigh and supporting her chin on her right hand "I know Captain Levi looks a bit insensitive and arrogant. But he's a good man, very noble, loyal and honest..."

"Yes, Helga is right. Besides he had a hard life... The underground city is a danger zone, of course he had to grow up being more distant than the others..." Judy continue.

"I suppose so..." Lena answered, still with the more quiet tone of voice.

Chapter Text

Lena passed the afternoon cleaning her office and putting in it the new material that they had given to the nurses. Later on, she went to her bedroom and read a book that the nuns had given to her before going to the Scouting Regiment. "Techniques of Medicine volII". It was really a good book, and it had helped her a lot while doing the medical check ups. It was an old book, written before the Titans appeared. The author was unknown, but whoever they were, Lena praised them with heart and soul.

It was already afternoon, the morning sun was up high. Lena was outdoors, sitting next to a tree with the calm summer breeze, with her book in her hand. It didn't even look like soldiers were sacrificing their lives to save humanity... Lena shook her head. She couldn't think of that... Not while she was studying. Yes, she studied a lot of medicine. The gingerhead studied even more than some of the nurses in the Scouting Regiment. Yes, she was still a novitiate, but she worked to much....

The little brown book was really good, but also really boring... Taking some notes on the book, Lena's eyes were already starting to close... Oh god, no... She couldn't fall asleep while studying. But that breeze on her face felt so good...

By her position, she could see a bit of the wood shacks in there. No one was there, only the nurses and maids.

"For God's sake, girl! You can't fall asleep right now... They are most likely coming back!" Lena slapped herself and continued reading. She was dressing another one of the dresses she made, only this one was a light green, which she still was able to embroider yellow flowers all over it "Now: How to apply correctly the..."

Too late.

With her book in her hand, Lena fell asleep under the tree....

...

"Lena! Lena! Wake up!!" A voice called, feeling something shaking her "Wake up!!!"

Lena opened her eyes widely and suddently fell to the ground with the shake and the call for her name. The gingerhead looked up and saw no other than Judy, holding a paper in her hand, with a desperate look on her face.

"Ow! Judy, you scared me!" Lena giggled and then paused to breath, and looked again at Judy's face "Judy, what's wrong?"

"I-W-We just received the report of today..." Judy replied and Lena's heart started to beat faster and faster... "

Oh lord... Something really bad had happened...

Lena got up from the ground and faced Judy's freckled face with worry on her eyes. The gingerhead looked deep into her brown eyes with her blue ones. She already knew what was going on...

"Judy... What happened?" Lena asked, eventhough she had an idea whom she was talking about...Judy looked to the side, with tears falling from her face.

"Besides the soldiers who died on today's expedition, Trost has been invaded... And a lot of cadets died" Judy answered. Lena's eyes also started to let the tears fall down....

So, she covered her face so Judy couldn't see her weak and broken expression.

"Oh dear god....May they rest in peace in heaven...." Lena said in a quiet tone. Then, the gingerhead removed her hands away from her face and looked at Judy with her eyes full of fear and worry "But... Who died in Trost?"

Judy looked at her with pity and sorrowness on her face, Lena already knew...Even more tears started falling from her face.

"Eren did"

When Judy said that sentence, Lena's world just collapsed...

Eren... Little Eren... Her childhood friend who she knew since her 10 years old, had died between the teeth of Titans... She had just discovered that he was alive after 5 years. She had just found him and they took him away from her again...The suffering waa too much, too much to hold the tears from falling.

But it wasn't a moment for crying... A lot of soldiers would be send to headquarters to be treated.

"I'm sorry, Lena..." Judy hugged her and the gingerhead started crying even faster.

It was her third day in the Scout Regiment and her world had already collapsed...The third day and she already felt the pain of losing someone she loved...5 years later, right after she found him again...

...

Lena had said that she was only going to her bedroom to change to her uniform to get back to work. Judy, however, didn't believe in her.

And she was right, Lena had lied.

The 23 year old woman entered in her bedroom and started crying without stop...

She cried, cried and cried... About everything. Eren, the other cadets, even because of Judy's desperate face...

He didn't deserve to die...None of them did. Lena wondered if Mikasa and Armin were okay...She couldn't bear to lose another one of them....If only she knew that they were alive, they would have spent so much more time together, to make new memories.

She started to feel regret and yet anger at the fate and at the world. After 5 years Lena had finaly seen them again...

If only she knew earlier...

The gingerhead cleaned her deep tears, it was no time for crying. She needed to understand that she had to control her emotions in the Scout Regiment... It was not about her losses, it was about the soldiers. A lot of injured soldiers would come in need of healing... And she couldn't be distracted of her true duty, eventhough it was difficult...

More difficult than she ever thought it would be...

Thinking about those words, she sighed and put on a fake confident expression. She couldn't let her emotions keep her away from her job, treating the soldiers. Otherwise, she would risk to cause another loss... She needed to do that for Eren. And for all the other people she lost.

...

"So she locked herself in her bedroom instead of preparing everything for the arrival of the soldiers??" Evelyn asked, with her usual arrogance "I knew that such a young girl working in here would cause too much trouble..."

The nurses were all reunited in Rudella's office.

Evelyn wasn't found of the gingerhead as the other nurses were. To her she was a brat who would ruin all their work. Especially because of her bubbly personality, as well as her creativity and clothing. The dark haired nurse valued seriousness over everything else.

To her, Lena wasn't taking their job seriously enough.

"Lena is on her way" Judy replied, ready to defend the youngest nurse at all costs "You're forgetting that she already dealt with several losses, since her father to her mother... Weak is not a word I would to describe her. I'm sure she won't let her emotions affect her job"

"She survived the fall of Shingashina alright... But if she's that strong, why did she lock herself in her bedroom crying for the loss of a cadet?" Evelyn asked with the same arrogant expression. That was already getting on the middle age woman's nerves.

Some of them weren't fond of Evelyn's personality...But she was a great nurse, very hard working and was talented. And when she wanted she knew how to be nice...

"Elena told me she was going to change her clothes. Also Evelyn, have some pity. She lost someone really important to her" Judy's nerves were starting to burn, while the black haired nurse looked at her with arrogance.

"Then if she's not capable of putting her emotions aside, what is she doing in the Scout Regiment? One of the things that we value is putting others and our work before our emotions. If the nun isn't capable of that, what is she doing here, after all?"

A great, cold silence settled in along with sighs from the nurses, who looked down at the incredibly heavy atmosphere in that room... They were all waiting for Rudella to say something about it, but in the end she didn't.

"Miss. Rudella! Don't you have something to say about it?" Evelyn asked, with her eyes looking at the oldest nurse, who was the only one sitting at her desk.

Rudella closed her eyes and took a long sigh.

"You know I-"

"I'M HERE!!! " the women almost jumped because of the loud voice coming from the door of the office. They turned around, and saw misheseleved curly red hair, blue eyes with a tone of red in them and a big smile on the freckled face. Lena had arrived "Sorry, I'm late!"

"Elena, we were just talking about you..." Rudella smiled to the youngest nurse.

Lena seemed pretty confused when she looked at the other women. All of them were smiling expect Evelyn, who was looking at her with the same arrogant expression. Judy looked at the black haired woman with a confident smirk.

"Really? It wasn't anything bad, was it?"

...

Rudella explained Lena what was going to happen when the injured soldiers arrived. Some of them needed treatment in the moment, but they would let the most experienced nurses do that. Lena would have the less injured.

The gingerhead was in her office, with her heart beating out of her chest, sitting on her chair, she supported her head on her hands and sighed... Anxious was a soft word to describe how she was feeling. Lena had treated a lot of patients in the convent, but even so...

Her mind still wondered to how her childhood friends were... And knowing that Eren had died made her feel completely weak and helpless. Even trying to control her emotions and her sorrow, that squeeze on her chest didn't seem to go away... But she had to. It was her job after all... That wasn't the first she lost someone important to her... It was okay... She would recover like she had recovered, even not completely, from the others.

The silence seemed to last forever. This time, Lena was wearing her nurse uniform, which consisted in a brown dress until her knees a white shirt under ir and a white apron. Her curly hair was tied behind her neck, showing even more her freckled cheeks and big blue eyes.

"Oh God... Nervousness will be the end of me..." Lena sighed to herself.

She had checked if she had the right equipment there fiur times. The gingerhead was a head in the clouds, so she could have easily forgotten about something. And that would be pretty bad.

Suddenly, she heard foot noises. Her heart started beating faster and faster...Lena sighed a few times to stay calm. She needed herself to calm down, if not, she wouldn't be able to concentrate on her mission. The gingerhead was wearing the rosary that the Reverend Mother had given her. She asked God for strength and thought about Eren...Then, a door opened.

"Mrs. Haustler!" A soldier, apparently fine, said, making her get up from her chair "Here you have 8 soldiers in need for healing. I will call each one at a time, good luck!"

"Thank you so much" Lena replied, trying to put a smile on her face.

"First: Rudy Levine!"

...

"Okay, here you go..." Lena said, putting a big bandaid in the leg of a soldier named Mia "Remember, you must not put any efforts in your arms, or legs. Maybe three weeks of physiotherapy will help the healing"

Mia looked at her, still feeling painful, but she was surprised by how good nurse the gingerhead was. She had given her clearly instructions, actually helped to calm her down, made the pain less and she seemed to know what she was doing. Not only that but her affection also helped a lot to calm her down. Mia only shook her head.

"I know it must be hard for you..." Lena said, putting her hand on the soldier's shoulder carefully "Remember that we're always here if you want to unburden. We're not just nurses, we are friends and counselors, okay? If you need something, physically or emotionally, just knock"

"Thank you mrs. Haustler..." Mia smiled to the gingerhead.

"Please... Call me Elena" Lena replied always with them same kind smile "Actually I prefer Lena, call me Lena"

"Oh, okay... Thank you Lena" Mia smiled, now feeling a bit shy. She walked out the door and Lena still smiled to her.

"You're welcome, dear. Lots of strength okay?" Lena sighed... She had already treated 7 soldiers. All of them with different injuries. And 4 of them needing physiotherapy. It was almost night "Next!"

The door opened and Lena's jaw fell when she saw no other than Armin, walking towards the desk with an empty and clearly traumatized expression. Once he looked at her his eyes widened barely.

"Armin?? Armin!!" Lena ran towards the young blonde and hugged him, carefully not to deep his injuries "Oh, thanks God you're okay..."

"Yeah... I am... But what's the point? All others are dead..." Armin looked down, on his eyes there was regret, pain and sorrowness.

"I know... They are in a better place, and are looking down at us from above" Lena made an effort not to cry. Armin couldn't see he in that state as the gingerhead couldn't see him like that "Mikasa... Is she okay??"

"Mikasa is fine... She's at her room resting..." Armin replied.

"Okay, tell me everything that happened while I'm treating you!" Lena put on her stethoscope and Armin took off his shirt. His heart was beating fast, but it seemed to be everything okay.

Armin had a cut on his face, that needed treatment immediately, and cuts on his legs as well. It wasn't the physical that worried her, but the psychological. If they didn't do something, Armin could get in a depressive state and that would be a problem. If the mind is not okay, the body won't be okay.

Lena took the cotton and wet it on alcohol, that she used the desinfectate the cut on his face. Armin moaned in pain, but Lena had to do it, otherwise it could cause worst injuries.

"I know what happened to Eren... I still can't believe it" Lena started, trying not to cry. The gingerhead put a band-aid on his cheek, and put cotton with alcohol in the cuts of his legs.

"I know it's terrible...Now they think he's monster and want to kill him..." Armin replied and Lena was confused. What was Armin talking about? "It's up to the Scout Regiment to defend him"

"Wait... What? What are you talking about Armin?" Lena asked confused. Was Armin's injuries not only on the outside but in the head as well? He seemed a little confused.

"Didn't anyone tell you? About the titan shifter?" Armin looked at her shocked and confused expression. Then the blonde boy looked down in realization "Of course... It was only a little time before the soldiers arrive..."

"What's a shifter?? They told me that Eren was dead!!! Armin, please... Please, explain me what happen that I'm not understanding anything!!" Lena was already tearing up completely lost and confused.

"Eren can turn into a Titan!!!" Armin explained, and Lena became even more shocked... She frowned her eyebrows "Don't ask me how, we have no idea"

"What?? Now, for God's sake Armin don't joke with things like that!! You're making me more nervous than a lame horse before a race!! Tell me what happened to Eren, now!!"

The gingerhead was already losing her patience. The reports that arrived said that Eren had died, then Armin told her he had turned into a Titan?? She was almost certain that wasn't possible.

But again, it was Armin and that boy was so smart and trustful. She got divided...

"I'm not joking! Why would I joke with something like that? A Titan appeared from inside other Titan and actually defended the humans! Later on, Eren revealed himself inside of it! We just can't explain it!"

Lena's mind was messed up. She was relived that Eren was alive, but at the same time she was not happy at all by the fact that Eren was a Titan!!! Only the biggest treat to the humanity...Her head seemed like blowing up, all of that was was completely surreal...

"Wait wait wait wait wait wait....." Lena looked down and put her hands on het head "Eren... EREN IS A TITAN SINCE WHEN???"

"I told you! Don't ask me, nobody has no idea how"

"Oh my god... Oh my god!!! How?? How is that even possible?? Oh thank god you're the last patient...." Lena sighed with her brain almost exploding. If it was in another situation, Armin would burst himself laughing because of her reaction, but on that moment it was no time for that "Wait... But where is Eren??"

"Eren is in Trost District, now in jail. He didn't hurt anyone, that's what doesn't make sense. When we ask Eren he doesn't remember anything" Armin explained, but it didn't seem to do any effect on the gingerhead. Her mind was already a mess and no explanation could calm that down.

"Alright... This is such a crazy, nonsensical thing...Like I've never heard in my life!!!!" Lena sat in her chair with her hand on her forehead, still trying to understand everything that had just happened "You're free to go now, alright? We'll meet after lunch"

Chapter Text

Lena went to her bedroom, with the tears falling off her sky blue eyes. Lying on the bed, she let the tears fall strongly and heavier. Her mind and heart were a mess. How was it possible? Eren becoming a Titan was so unbelievable... She just couldn't think straight.

Lena looked into her mirror, analyzing her anatomy . A human... A beautiful human being turning into a heartless beast. It was almost impossible to believe it. But the gingerhead trusted Armin from the bottom of her heart, so she was 100% sure that he was telling her the truth.

Her blue eyes wondered through the bedroom, and Lena remembered that she still had work to do, the reports and the paperwork for the injured soldiers. Well... She would just leave that for later. Her priority was to find Eren and to know if everything was alright... To make sure nothing happened to him.

It was almost lunch time, it was when Lena was supposed to meet Armin and Mikasa, for them to explain better how Eren turned into a freaking Titan and if he was alright. Off she goes...

Picking her bag and freeing her curly and messy red hair, the 23 year old went out from her bedroom, with millions of thoughts and doubts surrounding her.

_________________

Lena arrived at the cafeteria, where all the cadets that had survived were having lunch. She looked around. Everyone one of them was pale, and couldn't even eat straight. Their eyes who shined with hopes, dreams and life were now dark and without soul. The gingerhead wondered... Such a young age, already losing so many important people.

Before seeing Armin and Mikasa, she noticed the girl and the boy who were trying to comfort that scared cadet, that had a panic attack the day before... Ben, if she remembered well. The girl was still crying and that cadet wasn't with them. All made sense in Lena's head...He had died as well. After she said that his teammates and superiors were going to be with them...

Lena had lied to them...

The minute the girl noticed that Lena was looking at them, it was the minute that she got up from the chair and ran to hug her. That caught Lena right off guard. The tears fell heavily from the cadet's face... So they fell from Lena's...

"He died... Ben died..." the girl said, in almost a whisper. Her voice was weak and fragile, like a broken glass, but could cut someone in any moment. It sure did cut Lena...

"I know, I know..." Lena replied, her voice already becoming fragile, but always keeping the sweet tone. She kissed the girl's head and fethered her back, in order to comfort her "Shh, it's okay..."

"It was my fault... I told him to the right. Right after the superior told him to go to the left..." The girl was saying that with a voice that Lena almost couldn't understand what she was saying. Crying so much.... "It was me!! It was my fault!!"

"No, no... It wasn't your fault..." Lena replied, crying as well. They separated themselves from that embrace and the gingerhead faced the red brown eyes of the cadet "Look, you had no idea, ok? I'm sure Ben wouldn't want you to blame yourself for something that it wasn't up to you"

"But if it weren't for me, Ben would still be alive!!" She cried even more, and Lena hugged her one more time.

"No, no, no! You didn't know it ok? Please don't blame yourself, your frienfmd wouldn't want that... " Suddenly, all the cadets were looking at the girls in the middle of the caffeteria "Look at me"

They separated from each other and the brown haired cadet looked into Lena's eyes. Her eyes transmitted light, positivity and hope...

"Don't blame yourself for it, or it will consume your whole life" Lena had her hand on her shoulder, trying to comfort her "Your worst enemy, after your mind is your heart. If you aren't balanced in your heart, it won't be able to balance your mind as well. If you continue to blame yourself over and over again for this, it will haunt you everyday and every time. Like a ghost. And you'll slowly start to lose yourself... "

The girl looked at Lena still with tears in her eyes, paying attention to what the gingerhead was saying to her.

"Guilt is like a ghost. It will haunt you, every time, everywhere. At night, in your dreams, at day, when you're eating, when you're sleeping... " Lena stated "We lose people that we love, that's how life works. We can't do anything about it...But we can't lose ourselves... If we do we lose everything"

The girl nooded, paying extreme attention to what the gingerhead was saying to her. It showed an incredibly stunning maturity, but at the same time a gentleness that made everyone want to hear the girl. Now, a lot of cadets and even other soldiers were paying attention to that scene. It wasn't something they saw everyday in the Scouts.

That woman resembled a saint, an angel... Little did they know, she was as human as they were...

"Did you understand? Ben is now looking for you up in heaven, with God. Neither God or Ben will abandon you, okay? And they will not blame you for anything" Lena touched the cheek of the girl, who just cried even more.

"Ok.... Thank you ahm...."

"You can call me Lena" The gingerhead replied with the same sweet smile on her freckled face "If you ever need anything else, you know how to find me. And your friends do too as well. God bless you"

The girl smiled to her as well and sat on the table with the other cadets who still looked at her with shocked expressions. Who was she? Why was she helping them? How did she know what to say in a moment like that?

They all stared at the gingerhead. Some of them knew her from the check-ups or from the lunches and dinners. She was known from speaking very loudly. But the older ones had never seen her there.

Lena went to the table where Armin and Mikasa were. They were all looking down, their eyes didn't shine... They didn't look like the children she used to play with. They had known so much pain, it broke Lena's heart.

"Now, come on, don't give me those sad faces.." Lena held both of their hands and looked at them with her kind and compassionate smile. The teenagers looked at her, still with tears on their eyes and dark eyes "Please, tell me what happened with Eren..."

They hesitated a bit... But Mikasa was the first one to speak.

"I was being chased by a Titan. At that time we thought that Eren had died... But then, a huge Titan defended me... He fought the other and could kill him" She stared, her voice wae cold and cracked "We all were surprised because we never saw a Titan that could do that... But then, suddenly...."

Mikasa stopped a bit and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Lena held her hand with more strength...

"Suddenly, the Titan started evaporating. And Eren came out of it...We don't know why, we don't know how.... But it did" Lena listened to her with close attention "Then, a lot of MP's and Garrison soldiers showed up, claiming that Eren, me and Armin were traitors and then we probably were Titans as well..."

Mikasa groaned and punch the table with anger... Lena and Armin looked at her surprised.

"It's not fair!! Now he is going to have a judgment to decide if he should be killed or not!!"

"What??" Lena shouted angrily, making all the cafeteria look at her "He is going to be judged by something that wasn't even his fault?? That makes no sense!"

"We know that, Lena... That's the reason why we are in this state" Armin said, still looking down.

"Mikasa Ackerman and Armin Arlert!!!" They heard a voice coming from the door. It was a soldier from the military police.

Mikasa and Armin got up from the chair. Lena sighed... She wished she could do something about it... But the only thing she could was praying... Otherwise.....

"Sir!!"

"You're ordered to attend and act as witnesses at today's deliberation!!"

Mikasa and Armin were hesitating. Lena looked at them with sorrow. Should she do what she was planning. If not, at least she had tried. She couldn't let them defend Eren by themselves. She was the one who had known Eren for most time.

"S-Sir!!! I want to ask something!!" Lena stood up and spoke. Mikasa and Armin looked at her with confused expressions.

"And who the hell are you?" The MP asked, curious about the gingerhead.

"My name is Elena Häustler, I'm a novice from Rose's convent but I'm working as a nurse in the Scout Regiment. I know Eren ever since he was still a small and cute little babg and I can... I-I should defend him in the deliberation!! If you can, accept me as a witness!!" Lena said, with determination on her voice. They all gave glances at her.

The MP gave her a look of shock, but Lena remained her determinate posture. She couldn't let Eren be absolved for something he had no fault of...

"Well... I guess there is no problem with one more witness" Lena's blue eyes glanced with hope "Very well. You can come... But if we discover that you are a fake... You will have tough consequences..."

"Well, if it's only that then I have nothing to fear..." Lena replied with the same confidence and determination, that even surprised the MP.

________________________

Lena, Armin and Mikasa were taken to the courts. The gingerhead didn't know what to do... She had never been in a judgment before, so she had no idea what was going to happen.

While walking through the corridors of the building, Captain Levi and Commander Erwin passed by them. Mikasa and Armin stooped and put themselves in position.

"Armin...Mikasa...It's good to see you here. We were just going to the court room. Eren is now on his jail, I hope things work out as planned" Erwin stated, making shivers on Lena's spine... Eren being inside a jail was something she simply couldn't imagine...

"Yes sir! We will try to defend him with our lives!" Mikasa replied with a huge determination on her voice.

"Elena...I see you are here too" Erwin said, catching Lena off guard.

"Yes, Commander Erwin" Lena replied in a nervous tone, still "I am going to defend Eren as well... It's not fair for him to be in a jail like that. I've known him since he was just a baby and I deny to agree that Eren is dangerous"

"Tch..." Levi said with his usual arrogant expression "Good luck with that..."

Lena looked at him and then he looked at her. Their eyes came in contact like an electric shock. His icy eyes met her fire ones and they seemed to explode. Every time they looked at each other's eyes it was an explosion...

"Well, then Levi... We shall go see if everything's on their place..." Erwin said, already feeling the tension between the nurse and the squad captain "Good luck to you..."

"Thank you sir! " Armin and Mikasa answered at the same time.

The two men continued walking through the corridors. Lena was still a bit tensed by what just had happened. Levi's eyes were ice. Pure ice. Completely unapproachable, like closed cages... Lena had never known a person that cold...

"Ugh, Captain Levi sure is tough as a stone..." Lena sighed to the both cadets.

"It's Captain Levi, after all.. He's completely impossible to read..." Mikasa replied, making Lena look at her with a curious look on her eyes.

Lena sighed again...It looked like Levi hated her guts. She didn't really want to have a bad relationship with one of her superiors... Well, she didn't properly want to be friends with him. He wasn't a person that captured Lena's attention in a positive way, but she did wanted him at least to respect her.

They stated walking again to the room where the judgment was going to happen.

"Noticed some tension between you two" Armin said to Lena, giving her a little smile "I never saw your eyes looking that cold"

"W-What? There is no tension between me and the Captain...Or if there is, he's the one who created it" Lena gave a simple reply. It was true, she had no intentions of not getting along with Captain Levi. He was the one who didn't respect her and was rude to her in the first place.

_________________

Already in the room of the deliberation, Armin, Mikasa and Lena stood close to each other. Lena felt the sweat and tension coming out from her body. Nervous was a weak word to describe how she was feeling...She had never been in such a scenario. But again, she wasn't surprised... Going to the Scouting Regiment meant dealing with things like those in daily life....

The room was filled with men. The only women present there were the soldiers. The rest were men. Soldiers, priests, politicians...Looking at the teenagers with nerve and anger in their eyes. Like they wanted to murder them with their mind. Lena felt shivers...If she thought the nuns usually pressured her, she couldn't describe the way she was feeling at that moment...

Suddenly, they heard a smash in the door. Lena turned her head immediately...It was Eren. But an Eren the gingerhead had never seen before. His hands were tied, he was scared, desperate...She could feel what he was feeling in that exact moment. Lena started crying...That was a picture she didn't expect or wanted to see...She just wanted to go there and hold him tight...Telling him that he was going to be okay. To calm the woman down, Armin put his hand on her shoulders.

Eren was looking around the room, when some soldiers picked what looked like a staff and put it on the ground, tying Eren even more, so he couldn't make any moves. Lena looked at him again...She just couldn't believe on what her eyes were witnessing...Suddenly, Eren glanced at the four of them. His eyes were filled with fear and anxiety.

"Everything will be ok..." Lena managed to whisper. Eren nooded, but, hearing a noise, he looked front again....

The judge started the deliberation. Lena was tense and she felt the sweat falling from her skin... Seeing Eren on that position made her so uncomfortable... She still saw him like the 10 year old that played with her on the fields full of grass and flowers and she refused to believe that he was a monster. And she had to prove those people that...

Suddenly, Lena felt herself remembering their childhood in Shingashina... God, how she missed those times... Playing with Armin, Mikasa ane Eren hide and seek... Singing songs under a tree, without a care in the world, only focusing on the games and music... Eren was not a monster. He was just a boy. All of them were only children...

"Lena" Armin called her and she went back to the reality. The redhead was already lost in her thoughts again "Focus, they're purposing what they want to do with Eren..."

"Right, I'm sorry..." Lena sighed, looking front and focusing on the moment. God, would that take much long? She hated that... She hated seeing Eren being treated like a beast...

"Now, I'd like to hear the Scout Regiment propose-plan" the judge declared.

"Yes sir. As the Commander of the Survey Corps, I, Erwin Smith, propose the following " Commander Erwin replied. Lena felt even more tense. She took a deep breath, she shouldn't be nervous... Commander Erwin was a wise man and she was sure he wouldn't make a cruel decision "Let Eren become a full member of the Scouts and we will utilize his Titan ability to retake Wall Maria"

Everyone started whispering with each other. Lena sighed... As she was thinking, Commander Erwin Smith was a wise man. Eren becoming a full member of the Scouts wasn't something she would like to see so early, but it was better than only dying because they thought he was a monster.

Suddenly, a man started screaming that it would make more sense for them to make the other gates stronger than the Wall Maria, who had already fallen. Another man started shouting at them. Things were getting intense...

"Screaming louder won't help your case, pig" This time, it was Captain Levi who spoke. Lena looked at him.. Always with the same cold and distant expression "When you say 'we can't afford' do you speak for anyone other than your fat merchant friends? Do you pigs even realize that most of our people are struggling just to survive of the little land we have left?"

Lena was surprised.. For the first time on her life she actuary agreed with Levi. Well said, she thought. He was 100% right. The people were struggling, she had seen what they had been through. In the convent some nuns even gave them rooms where the poorest ones could stay for a while...

"I'm simply saying that sealing the gates is the only guaranteed protection we've got" the man replied, clearly intimidated by the cold gaze of Humanity's strongest soldier.

"Hold your tongue, you vile heretic!!! Are you really suggesting we, mere humans, touch Wall Rose?? A gift brought to us by God??" Everyone cringed at those sentences. It was a priest from the church of the Walls. They made religious groups look so bad...Even the nuns didn't have patience to hear their radical speeches "The Wall is a miracle!! And its divinity transcends human compression!!"

The gingerhead rolled her eyes... How was it possible that the church of the Walls was gaining strength? God was up high and would protect them but it wasn't certainly him who had built the Walls... The catholic convents were also against them.

"It's that cult...They are the ones who made the arming of the Walls take more time..." Armin whispered to Mikasa and Lena.

"That shows you the support and power they've got. I don't trust them at all..." A female soldier with glasses also whispered to them.

"I don't trust them either... They make the actual faith look like fanaticism...We're so ashamed of them..." Lena replied, trying hard to speak quietly "It's because of their growth that the convents and churches are becoming emptier..."

Lena observed the way he talked... Just a fanatic who ashamed all the believers and put lives in danger... She felt such a repulse...

"Order! I ask you to save your personal sentiments for other time! Now mr. Yeager, I have a question for you" The judge declared. Lena got even more nervous. She was feeling anxiety just by seeing Eren in that state. She prayed to herself the he would be alright at the end... "As a soldier you've taken an vow to answer humanity's call. Can you still serve by controlling your ability?"

Lena looked at Eren with compassionate eyes. She was sure he would leave there safely... Or at least she hoped so...

"Yes, I will sir" Eren's voice was always with determinate. Yet the fear was clear in there...

"Well...This report from the battle of Trost contradicts that statement..." The judge replied. What was he talking about? "Just after transforming, it seems you tried to crash Mikasa Ackerman"

Lena's eyes widened. She couldn't believe in what that man was saying... Eren looked at Mikasa the same way the gingerhead did. He couldn't have done it...It couldn't be true...

"No... Armin... Tell me that isn't true..." Lena asked really quietly the blonde boy who looked at her with sad eyes and looked at the ground... She already knew the answer...

"He doesn't remember any of it...He... He just lost his total control " Armin replied also in a whisper. Lena covered her mouth with her hands. She just couldn't believe it...

Mikasa glared at the white haired soldier. That was too much information for the gingerhead...

"What, you expect me to lie in a report? Denying that important fact would be even worse for Eren..." The soldier replied.

"Who is Mikasa Ackerman?" The judge asked.

"Me. That would be me, sir" Mikasa replied. Lena tried to gave her a trustful look, although her head was about to explode.

"Is it true that Eren Yeager tried to kill you while he was in Titan form?"

Mikasa hesitated. All of that just seemed surreal. Lena couldn't believe her childhood friend tried to kill someone as a Titan. All of that didn't make any sense.

"Yes, all of that's true..." Mikasa replied. Lena's heart was accelerating even more... "But Eren also saved me twice after that. And in each circumstance he was using his Titan ability. I'd like you to take these facts in to consideration!"

Lena let a sigh in relief. She knew Eren wasn't a monster... He was only a kid.. With an ability he couldn't understand, it wasn't his fault. Now that Mikasa had said it she felt much more relieved...Still, it did confused her. How was it possible for that to happen?

"Objection!" An MP shouted "I have reasons to believe that personal feelings play a large part in her testimony. Mikasa Ackerman became orphan at a young age and the Yeager family took her in. Our internal investigation into this matter led to a even more shocking discovery..."

Lena could feel Mikasa become more tense...Everyone was becoming more tense. And yet the gingerhead still hadn't done anything to defend Eren...

"Mikasa Ackerman and Eren Yeager at the age of 9 stabbed two kidnappers to death" The same MP continued. Everyone started to whisper to each other and Lena's eyes widened..The children she had known all her childhood had done something like that? She couldn't believe it...No, those couldn't be the same children who listened to her singing under a tree..."Granted this was done in self defense. However no one can help but question the violent nature of the act. Knowing all of this should we really invest in him money, men, power and perhaps the very faith of us all"

"O-Objection! Or... A thing like that..." They all stopped whispering and looked at the owner of the voice...It was Lena. Armin and Mikasa looked at her with their eyes widened...She couldn't just not say anything about them "If that was done is self defense, I think it was alright to do it! And it has nothing to do with any violent nature! I know Eren since he was just one year old and Mikasa since she was taken in by the Yeager family! They were never violent and were always peaceful children! I refuse to believe that they are the monsters you want them to be!"

Everyone looked at the gingerhead with shocked expressions...They had never seen her before, although ones knew her from being a nun in the convent of Wall Rose.

"Tch...Idiot..." Levi whispered to himself.

"Another one taken by personal feelings huh!" The MP stated, making Lena's nerves almost exploding "You didn't even see Eren Yeager in his Titan form, so your opinion is not valid, nun!"

The court started whispering with each other again and Lena became speechless. How did she have the courage to do that? She looked at Armin who gave her a little smile. Then, she looked at Eren who as well looking at her with his eyes widened. He then, turned his eyes to the ground.

"Oh please I bet Mikasa Ackerman is also a Titan! I bet she's one of them! I bet she's not human either!" A man screamed and Mikasa made a shocked expression. Lena was feeling even more tense. Things were getting too intense.

"Now hold on a second! Maybe I'm the monster that you want dead! But you leave her out of this!!" Eren screamed in despair and pain. Mikasa's eyes were almost in tears...She clearly hated seeing Eren like that...Would that pain and suffering end? "She's innocent!"

"Like we trust you!" Another man shouted, making Lena's nerves boiling. She couldn't stand people talking about someone they didn't know... "She must be one if you protect her!"

"STOP IT!!!" Eren screamed, making everyone just stop talking "What does it even matter...? None of you has ever seen a Titan! So why are you so afraid?! There's no sense in having power if you're not going to use it to fight!"

Eren's green eyes were bright with determination again. The same green eyes...

"If you're too scared to fight for your lives fine!! Let ME do it!!! YOU'RE ARE COWARDS!!!" The 15 year old burned with nerve and determination. Courage and bravery...That was the Eren she knew...Lena tried to give him a little smile, even though she was still nervous "JUST SHUT UP AND PUT ALL YOUR FAITH IN ME!"

That was the time when the court became even more speechless. Everyone stopped talking, even if their mouths were opened by watching that scene...The MP's were the most shocked and tense from all of them. Suddenly, one of them finally said something.

"Take him, damn it!!!" He ordered, making the other point his shotgun towards Eren. Lena's heart nearly jumped out from her chest.

"NO!" The gingerhead screamed.

Chapter Text

POW!

The raven haired man, Humanity's strongest kicked the 15 year old boy right in the face.

POW!

Then, in the belly

POW!

And then in the face again with his knee...

Levi continued beating him up...The court became shocked while watching that violent scene, including Lena. What was once fear and nervousness had been replaced with anger and hatred...Mikasa was up to go there to stop that scene, but Armin stopped her in time.

Lena's face became red with anger...Eren's face was full of blood and bruises...The gingerhead couldn't watch that scene anymore. It was a mix of anger, disgust and shock. All at the same time...It was such a cruelty ...

"You know personally...I think nothing teaches discipline better than pain" Levi said in a cold and arrogant and harsh tone. Lena became even more mad, growling at him with hatred in her eyes "You don't need a good talking to...What you're in need of, boy, is to be taught a lesson. And you happen to be in the perfect kicking position"

Eren moaned in pain while the raven haired continued kicking him and beating him up. The freckled cheeks had to close her eyes...She couldn't watch that scene, she simply couldn't...But one thing was for sure...She wouldn't let Levi get away so easily with that torture...

"Hold on Levi...What if he gets angry and turns into a Titan?" An MP asked. However, Levi kicked him again.

"Don't be silly" Levi replied harshly "During the time that he was transformed you said that Yeager was able to kill 20 Titans before he would run out of strength. As an enemy, his intelligence makes him even more dangerous. But I can still take him down without a problem...How many of you can say the same? Before you torment the beast you better think: Can you actually kill him?"

Beast? Levi calling Eren a beast was ironic...It wasn't Eren who was beating up a teenager almost to death. Lena thought, feeling the anger and revolt on her veins. If she wasn't fond of Captain Levi before, now she was sure she hated him...He had no right doing that cruelty to a boy.

"What a shame... A man beating up a kid that didn't anything wrong..." Lena whispered creepily to herself. Her eyes were cold and her voice was harsh as a stone, like no one had seen before in her "He'll know what I think after this is over..."

"I know it seems too harsh but if the Captain didn't beat Eren up the MP's would kill him...He did that to save him, you know?" Armin put his hand on the gingerhead's soldier to calm her down. Then he smiled to her, already seeing what Lena wanted to do "Please don't do anything crazy"

"I'm with you, Lena" Mikasa replied, angry about that scene as well "I won't just stand here doing nothing about it...He didn't have to go that far"

Suddenly, Erwin raised his hand, making the two soldiers and the nurse look at him.

"Sir, I have a proposition" The Commander started "There's too much we don't know, so I suggest this: Eren Yeager be placed under Captain Levi's supervision. And we'll conduct a recon mission outside of the wall. Eren will join us in this excursion and you can look upon this mission's results yourself. If he successfully controls his ability, Eren will prove his value to man kind"

"God, bless Commander Erwin..." Lena sighed, while she let the tension out of her body. Eren being supervised by Levi wasn't something she would like to see. But at least they would leave him alone "He's the only person in this room with a little bit of common sense..."

"Eren will be supervised...What if he loses control?" The judge asked, looking at Eren. Lena looked at him as well...He was completely on the ground, full of blood...She couldn't stand seeing him like that...

"I can definitely kill him if it comes to that. The thing is...There is absolutely no middle ground" Levi turned around to see the faces of Eren's friends.

Lena took the opportunity to give him the best he could of a glare, alongside with Mikasa. Her eyes were full of fire and hate, but at the same time they were cold as ice. Almost being able to cut someone just by look at them. Armin had also an unpleasent expression, maybe he wasn't enjoying Captain Levi's choice of words as well. His eyes focused on Lena, their eyes meeting again like a thunder. Then, he looked at the judge.

"Then I have made my decision"

___________________________________________________

"You should probably go with your superiors" Lena said to Armin and Mikasa while the three of them walked through the corridors of the court house "I'll try to see Eren okay?"

"No, I need to see Eren as well! This might be the last we'll ever talk to him...We need to go with you!" Mikasa put herself in front of the gingerhead with her eyes already a bit wet because of the tears. Lena sighed...How she would love to let them see Eren...

"It won't be the last time, Mikasa I promise" Lena held both of her hands, with the same compassionate look "You know Eren as much as I do. I know he won't fail us. But now you should go, otherwise you'll get punished for being close to him. I'll tell him that you wanted to see him, okay?"

"Lena is right...We should go, Mikasa" Armin said to the half-asian girl, in an attempt to calm her down "Besides, we are going to see him again when we graduate after all"

Mikasa looked down, which made Lena's heart break. After all those years with them apart, they were finally together. And just in that moment happened something like that...It was like the universe hated them...What was God planning to do with all that tragedy?

"Fine...But please tell Eren we tried to see him" Mikasa told, feeling her voice breaking. Lena gave her the best she could of a smile.

"Of course I will, sugarplums..." Lena tried to light up the mood with a bit of hope. She had to try make them see that all of that situation wasn't going to be so bad...Positivity before anything else...

"Thank you. Bye Lena, see you later" Armin took Mikasa's hand and started heading over to the big door where the other recruits were going as well.

The gingerhead sighed, feeling a deep sadness and fear...How could all of that be happening just when she had finally found them again after 5 years thinking they were dead? It was just so unfair...She had to admit...She would prefer a million times having Mikasa and Armin with her. How was she supposed to know where Eren was? That place was giant.

Then, Lena finally gained courage to walk through the corridors again, he couldn't be very far away. Suddenly, she remembered when they had passed by Commander Erwin and Captain Levi...They were coming out of a room...Maybe Eren was in there. Walking again, this time more determinate, she tried to remember where that room was.

"I can say that you're lost?" A familiar voice called from behind her. Lena became tense after that voice...Just who she was looking for. The gingerhead turned around and saw no other than Captain Levi. The most cold hearted man in the Walls. The one who beat her friend up "That doesn't look like a pleasant face"

" YOU CRUEL COLD HEARTED BASTARD!!!" Lena shouted, making the his eyes widened. Her face was full of anger and rage...He would never imagine seeing the smiley Lena with that expression.

"Huh?" Levi replied with the same disinterested and monotone tone of voice.

"Don't play dumb with me!!! Why did you do such a cruelty to Eren?? He's only a boy!!" Lena exclaimed, with a mix of anger, sadness, pity and disgust on her voice.

"Tch...A boy that can turn into a fucking Titan" Levi answered. Lena's nerves were boiling once again..."I don't know if you noticed but it's because of what I did that your friend is still alive. If I hadn't done that 'cruelty' to him, your sweet little Eren would be a corpse on a cave right now"

"OH you think I don't know that??? But what was all that violence for?? You didn't have to go that far!!" Lena replied again, shouting even louder than usual "God, it seems like you actually enjoy seeing suffering!"

The gingerhead looked at the ground without saying a thing, already with tears forming on her eyes. Levi only stared at her emotionless, not a bit of pity, caring...Nothing. Completely empty.

"You're too naive to understand..." Levi looked at the ground...Always with the same dull and disinterested tone that filled Lena with anger. How could a person just never care about anything or anyone?

"Who are you calling naive you arrogant WANKER?!?" Lena came closer to Levi without thinking straight. Levi's eyebrows frowned...What was she planning to do?

"OH Levi! It seems like you found Lena!" A female voice said, entering in the corridor with Erwin and Eren. Their eyes widened when they watched the little gingerhead actually trying to punch Humanity's strongest in the face "Oh...Did we come in a bad time?"

Lena's small fist was aimed right in the direction of the raven haired's face, with his hand blocking the movement. He had obviously stopped her ridiculous tentative of a punch, but Levi had to admit the gingerhead caught him off guard. No one had ever the courage to even look at him in the eyes. Was Lena that brave or that of a idiot?

Her eyes were full of anger, but it wasn't quite it. Not like rage that made people's eyes look cold the way she was in the deliberation. Instead her eyes were full of fire. Their eyes met again...And they could feel once again another explosion, the one that always happened when their eyes met...Lena's expression seemed to soften a bit...

"Lena, stop!!! What are you doing??" Eren called her name, running towards her direction. The 15 year old pulled her behind, leaving her fist from Levi's hand. and her expression softened definitely... "Are you crazy?? Captain Levi is our superior!!!"

"Häustler, calm down" Erwin ordered.

Lena looked at Eren and put her arm down, looking at the ground. Maybe she had went to far...But she just couldn't contain herself. That Captain just drove her so mad...He had beaten that boy up and still had that pedant, cocky and superior attitude. Lena couldn't stand people like that...

"Now, let's all calm down" Hange stated, trying hard not to laugh. That scene was just too amusing for her...Levi was already short, Lena was even shorter than him...Seeing such a small girl trying to punch Humanity's strongest on the face was something she didn't expect to see. And it was too funny "And let's get to business instead shall we?"

"It was this crazy chick who started shouting like a goat in the first place..." Levi replied harshly was always. Deep inside, he was amused by watching that feisty little woman angry and desperate to punch him. Her eyes were burning with anger and rage once again.

"You stuck up basta-!!!" Lena started going at him, being immediately stopped by Eren who grabbed her even tightly from behind.

"Lena!!! Calm down!!! Are you out of your mind?? " Eren said trying to stop her from doing some craziness, although that had already happened when the ginger head tried to punch Levi... "C'me on, Commander Erwin has something important to say!"

Once she heard that, Lena immediately stop resisting and calmed herself down by taking a deep breath...Hange was looking at that scene with an amused expression, while Erwin was standing there a bit uncomfortable by all that tension. Eren only let her go once he saw Lena calmer, even though he wasn't sure if it wasn't such a good idea...He knew Lena was feisty when she got angry. He had seen them too many times when they were kids...But he had never seen the gingerhead with such a rage.

"I'm sorry Commander...I might have overreacted" Lena sighed rolling her blue eyes. Her guard was still up though, still looking with deathly eyes at the Captain.

"You might?" Eren questioned in a sarcastic tone. Lena looked to the ground and faced the Commander of the Scout Regiment.

"Well...Now that everything is more serene, we have a proposition for you, Elena" Erwin started, making the ginger head raised an eyebrow. However with a nervous and maybe a bit frightened posture.

"A-a proposition, sir?" Lena asked, putting a piece of her red hair behind her ear. What were they planning to do with her?

"Yes. Before the other soldiers from the Survey Corps arrive to the new Head Quarters, you will join our especial operation's squads as a nurse" Erwin explained, making the ginger head's eyes widen "As you said in the deliberation, you're the one here who knows Eren for the longest time. You know him better than all of us put together. See this a trustful position or as a witness. Besides, you'll be really helpful if one of our soldiers or even Eren gets hurt during the training"

Lena looked at the ground...It was a dilemma, indeed...On one hand, she wanted to help Eren at all costs and support him no matter what. It would also be a good way for her to train her abilities' as a nurse. To start with a few soldiers and then get to the real business. It was a good plan, but still...It was a pretty frightful thing to do. What if Eren got out of control and killed? The ginger head couldn't bear to watch that happen...

"But...I have soldiers in the old headquarters who are in need of physiotherapy and medicine. Should I just leave them out of the frying pan and into the fire?" Lena asked, worried about that subject. It would be a headache not to keep the health of the soldiers alright. It was her responsibility...

"You don't need to worry about that. We will instruct the other nurses to be in charge of it. A week later and they will all go to the new headquarters, so you don't need to be stressed about it" Erwin replied with a calm and soft voice. Erwin saying that made her feel more calm and confused...Why was she hesitating with that decision? Lena always loved the unpredictable and adventure... "But it is your choice after all..."

"Lena, please say yes I beg you!!!" Hange shouted, coming closer to the gingerhead. The crazy scientist took both of her hands and stared into her eyes with a psycho smile "You'll be really helpful in my experiences!! You know a lot about the human body, maybe better than I do!! Please!!! I am really needing some help doing that!!! Just imagine discovering the secrets of Eren's titan ability together!!!"

"Hange, don't pressure her" Erwin said to her, sensing both Lena and Eren's nervousness "It's up to her to decide"

Lena looked at Hange's eyes and felt like laughing. That woman was really obsessed with Titans, but it was really funny. The gingerhead couldn't decline that proposition...She would be with Eren, after all. She would make sure no one would hurt him that way again and help Humanity as well. Could that be God's true will for her?

"Well...I guess I have nothing to lose then...You can count on me!!" Lena exclaimed with joy and excitement.

"YAHOO!!! THANK YOU LENA YOU'RE THE BEST!!!" Hange replied, almost smashing Lena's bones with a tight hug. The freckled cheeks hugged her back as well, laughing out loud. Letting the brunette go, she faced the tall blonde man and gave him a confident smile.

"Thank you mrs. Häustler. We are grateful for you help" Erwin smiled at her as well, and the gingerhead tried to make the salute they usually made.

"It's my honor, sir!"

Then, she turned at Eren, who was looking at the ground...Lena could tell that he was so anxious and nervous. Putting her hand on his cheek, the 15 year old looked at her. She let a kind and compassionate smile in a way of saying 'everything will be alright'. The boy let a little smile to her childhood friend. Then, they hugged each other in a embrace full of nostalgia and caring. Trying to say that they would always be there for each other

"Okay, you two can leave that lovey-dovey shit for later" Levi interrupted their hug, coming closer to the gingerhead and the brown haired boy. Lena and Eren separated from the embrace and faced the squad Captain.

She had forgotten about him...Lena couldn't believe she would have to deal with that grumpy uncivilized arrogant man. Just thinking about it made her almost want to give up on the Scout Regiment thing. Knowing that he would be the one supervising Eren made her feel angry and yet afraid. Captain Levi was tough as a stone and had a icy heart. She was sure he could kill him just because he felt like it. One more reason for her to go with them as well, to stop her friend from being beaten up or even killed by that man.

"So what? Now I can't hug my friend?" Lena asked with nerve. With a confident look on her face, she faced the squad Captain like a sequoia.

"Actually the deal here is for you not being too close to him. He might transform into a Titan and you end up biting the dust. I know you're a nun, but I'm sure you wouldn't want go to heaven this early"

"Levi, that's enough" Erwin warned. The Commander knew exactly what was going on...Not only Lena couldn't stand Levi, but Levi also enjoyed to mess with Lena as well. The only thing was that he had no idea why. Levi wasn't usually like that "Please, I ask you two to get along. We have no time for childish fights. Humanity's on the line"

Lena and Levi looked at each other with a disgusted look. Lena sighed...She had to deal with that cocky Captain for Humanity. It was her mission, after all...

"Yes, sir. I will try to control my frontality..." Lena replied, looking at the ground "But I can't promise that I will just stay quiet if I see something that goes against my values"

The two leaders exchanged looks. Both of them smiled kindly to the ginger head, while Levi just arched his eyebrow. Lena sighed...She had no idea how could she control herself...That Captain messed too much with her nerves. She would never imagine getting so little along with someone... But Lena had to try. For Humanity, for her friends, for Eren...

"Very well...Levi? Are you up to work together with mrs. Häustler?" Commander Erwin asked.

The Captain looked front right to her again...With the same uninterested expression of his. However, this time, there was a bit of intensity as well. At least some flames could be sensed on his cold eyes...

"It's not like I have a choice..." Levi sighed. Lena's nerves were boiling once again with his arrogance "So yeah. As long if Häustler doesn't pull me much crap. I'm all up to work with her"

Lena crossed her arms, still staring at him. All of the people in that corridor was sensing the tension between the two of them. That was what happened so two polar opposites met each other...A total storm that couldn't do anything but explode with thunders, tsunamis and earthquakes.

That was going to be a long and agitated month...

Chapter Text

On the next day, Lena packed her things again to head into the new Scout Regiment headquarters. It was ironic...The gingerhead had just arrived to that place and was already going away...Just after memorizing where everything was, after getting comfortable with her room, she would have to leave all of that behind again...

"Don't worry much about it, Lena...I'm sure you'll be great" Judy said, giving her a kind smile. On that moment Lena was saying goodbye to Helga, Judy and Berthe. While they walked to meet with the new soldiers...Those middle aged women were really kind, she found herself so lucky working with such amazing people. They helped her calming her down and stop her usual nervousness. Lena was forever grateful for them...

"Oh, Judy...Don't even mention that...Just thinking about it leaves me with a bundle of nerves!" Lena replied nervously while she walked through the rough soil.

Her hair was getting longer and longer, almost hitting the end of her back. She thanked God she didn't need to cut it, otherwise her head would look like a bush. The gingerhead loved and hated her hair at the same time. There were days when it had perfect soft curls, usually when she washed them. But other days, the volume was so big that it looked like a lion's main. On those days, she would just tie it in a bun or make two long braids. Thankfully, her hair was collaborating with her on that day. Lena was also wearing a light green dress, with some flowers she had drawn in it. The sleeves only hit her elbows and it was a really fresh material.

"Why are you so nervous? You just need to do what you do in here. Only there will be less soldiers" Helga tried to calm the redhead down...But nothing seemed to work out...Her face was completely red and sweaty.

"I know...But if Eren loses control they are going to kick his bucket!!" Lena replied loudly "But I swear I'll do anything to stop them from even thinking about it! Even if I have to join the fight"

The three middle age women only laughed at what the gingerhead was saying. She clearly didn't have the notion of what elite soldiers like the ones in Levi's squad were. Her innocence was a funny trait of hers.

"I'm sure Eren will be fine, don't worry much about it... The boy is fierce and courageous, he'll not let himself down! " This time, Berthe was the one who said it.

Lena found amazing how tolerant the other nurses were to the idea of Eren being a Titan shifter. Usually people would just call him a beast and blaming for lots of things that weren't even his fault. But those women seemed to see the young boy that he still was. The gingerhead smiled to herself... She related so much to them in so many ways... She never thought of meeting such kind and caring people like them in the Scout Regiment.

"Thank you so much for your support. I'm so lucky to have such amazing colleagues..." Lena commented with a kind smile. Judy touched her shoulder and the other middle age nurses returned her kind smile "I will miss you on this time we're apart..."

The nursed exchanged glances and smiled at each other while they continued walking to head over with Levi's operation squad.

"We will miss you too. I already got used to your prayers and songs before going to sleep" Judy replied messing her orange curly hair.

"And I already got used to you Judy, waking me up! At this time how will I wake up on time by myself??" Lena asked, giggling and laughing. The other nurses laughed as well.

Lena smiled... They knew each other for such little time and had such high age differences but even so they got so much along. Those nurses were old enough to be her mother and they understood each other so well. They were like family already. Gabriele was always praying during the day, in her office. Rudella was a sweetheart too, even though she tried not to seem like it. After all, she was really tired as well from all those years of treating and healing soldiers... The one who got less along with Lena was definitely Evelyn. Her eyes were so cold, but not cold like Captain Levi's eyes were. She was full of negative and dark vibes... Like if she wanted to murder someone. Lena wasn't a big fan of her style... But she had no reason to hate her. Only when she had been rude to her on the first day. But maybe she could prove herself to her and would change her mind.

"Look, Lena. There they are" Helga put her hands on the gingerhead soldiers while they looked front.

Lena gasped...There they were... Levi squad. The ones who would kill her childhood friend if he lost control. There were next to the horses with Eren too. Three man and a woman, who had ginger head like she did. Only it wasn't as intense and was straight.

And then, Captain Levi... He looked at her up and down again... Like he was freezing her with the eyes. Always with the same stoic and firm posture... Always with the intimidating look...But Lena put her chin up. She wouldn't let that stuck-up man let her down. She was confident in her abilities, and she would prove her worth to all the operation squad. But most important, she would help Eren.

All the soldiers started to look at her with odd looks... Lena became a little tense with those exchange of glanced... They seemed like they were going to eat her...Lena admitted to herself, she was afraid... If Levi was already scary, then those tall soldiers made her fear really uncomfortable and nervous...

"Look who finally arrived..." Levi commented with the same arrogant tone, that already made Lena ready to punch him. But she had to control her temper "Soldiers!"

"Sir!" They all said in unison making the salute.

"This is Elena Häustler. She is the nurse who will accompany us in our special operation. She'll be the one who you will go to if you get injured and will also supervise Eren's experiences with Hange and Moblit. I ask you to respect her and her abilities, even though it might be hard..." Levi looked away from the soldiers and put his eyes on the gingerhead again. She frowned her eyebrows to him, in a way of saying you're the one to talk..."Häustler, these are Petra, Gunther, Oruo and Eld. The soldiers who will execute Eren if he loses control"

Lena looked at Eren with a nervousness expression and he shrugged. All the soldiers looked like they were judging her, that made Lena frustrated and even more nervous. Or maybe it was just things from her head...She wasn't sure but the nervousness was consuming her even more. No, she had to maintain a confident posture. She was there to help Humanity, even if it was just a little bit...They had no choice but to trust her abilities...

"H-Hii! My name is Elena and I'm... I'm going to be your new nurse. So uh...It's an honor to.. To work with such good soldiers! And if you get hurt in push ups or in those things you do...I'll be the one treating it!" Lena said in a completely explosion of nervousness and tension. On her face was a nervous smile and her big blue eyes were wide opened. All the soldiers could do was chuckle. Lena looked down..."I'm so sorry...I beg you not to think I'm silly or that I don't know why I'm doing. It's just that I'm just really nervous...You know...To be around such great soldiers"

"Don't worry, Elena. We understand. You'll have time to get used to it" The girl named Petra said. She was really pretty at the gingerhead's eyes. With a sweet expression and nice smile, she was the one in the group who seemed less judgmental.

"Only if you don't get too close with the green horn here. We already know you two are besties or something" The one who was called Oruo, if she remembered correctly said. A man with strange eyes and a smirk on his face said, while pointing towards Eren "We'll have no choice but to punish you alongside him"

Lena frowned her eyebrows in confusion. He didn't sound like he was expecting... He kind of sounded like Captain Levi. Great... She already had to deal with one, she certainly didn't need two.

"Oruo! She's already nervous, don't make things harder" Lena heard Petra whispered while beating his shoulder.

"What I'm simply saying the truth you-..." Lena ignored what Oruo was saying and focused on the other two soldiers.

Gunther was also really tall and was the most stoic of the group. Black hair, black eyes and a darker skin that the others. He was chatting something with the other one Eld. Eld, on the contrary, was blonde and had a more at ease look. Although he was the tallest of the group. Unfortunately, he noticed that the gingerhead was analyzing them and took a glance at her eyes as well. Lena looked away nervously and decided to go closer to Eren.

"Eren, do you need any help with your things?" The gingerhead asked, standing next to 15 year old, who tried to put all his things on the back at the horse.

"No, I'm fine thank you" Eren replied, while he continued to put what it looked like some bags on it.

"Are you sure?" Lena asked with a suspicious voice, that made Eren turn around to face her "You seem really tired, Eren... You shouldn't put so much effort in yourself. You'll need strength to train and do the experiences Hange wants to do"

Eren rolled his eyes. Finally they were in a more relaxed environment. Without the pressure of Eren being beaten up by Levi or everyone wanting to murder him.

"Can you stop acting like a mom all the time? You haven't changed a bit..." Eren said in a frustrated way that made Lena chuckle.

She was always considered the 'mother' of the group of friends. That was an easy thing to think. After all, she was much older than the kids and had her caring and worried personality that made the children be really fond of her. Always kissing them, hugging them, caressing them, pulling their ears when they needed to, giving them advice, there was no doubt that they always saw her as more than just a good friend. They looked up to her and viewed her as someone they could always rely on. Even if she wasn't any soldier or any hero.

Especially Eren...When he thought Lena had died he became even more revengeful and guilty. He couldn't help her like the way he couldn't help his mother...But now that she was with them again everything was different. Everything had changed. Like if fate was giving him a second chance of redeeming himself. Now Eren he was even more determinate, sure and certain. Though he wouldn't ever admit it, he loved Lena deeply. He loved her like someone from his family. Despite all their differences and him being a total jerk sometimes. And with all those years covering his ass up and protecting him like he was her brother now, as a soldier, it was his job to protect her as well.

He needed to show her that he would be the one protecting her, and not the other way around.

"And you're still so grumpy! I'm not acting like a mom, I'm just being your nurse. If I wanted to act like a mom I would say that your hair is all disheveled like this" Lena laughed, putting her hand on Eren's hair to mess it with her hands.

"Ugh can you stop?? All the soldiers are looking at us!" Eren asked embarrassed as the gingerhead took her hand away from his hair.

"I just want to make up for all the years I had been thinking you were dead!" Lena replied sarcastically still with the playful smile.

"You can make up those years without treating me like a little kid, you know?" Eren answered in an angry and embarrassed way, although the gingerhead knew he wasn't truly angry at her. That was the Eren she knew after all.

"Ohh Eren, you know you'll always be a little boy to me"

The soldiers were looking at them...Chuckling but seeming suspicious as well, never letting their guard down. Lena sighed... She needed to show them they could trust her. That they could trust both of them... Eren was such a good kid... She needed to make them see the person he truly way. That he was more than someone who could turn into Titan.

"Yeah yeah, look who's talking. Who is the little kid right now huh?" Eren teased her, putting his hand upon his head, showing the clear height difference between them. Lena chuckled, he was right about that.

"Would you look at that... You must think you're so special! Everyone is taller than me, sugarplum!" Lena giggled making fun of her own height while at the same time, making fun of him as well.

"Stop with your nicknames! I'm not a kid!"

"Hey you two" The voice of the Captain called, making Lena turn herself to him with an unsatisfied expressions "Enough with the chit-chats. It's time to go"

"Uh y-yes sir!" Eren saluted in a nervous and frightened way. Anyone could sense the fear, yet the respect, that the 15 year old had for the Captain. Lena rolled her blue eyes instead...

"Häustler" Levi called her. Then, the gingerhead turned her face at him with a unpleasant and tired look on it "Do you know how to ride a horse?"

"I don't sir. The only thing I've ever rode was the back of my father when I was little" Lena replied, also in a nervous way.

Then she noticed the nonsense thing that she had just said... She put her hand on her already red face in embarrassment... At that moment she knew she was going to he the clown of all that place...

"Don't share information we don't need to know. You'll go along with Eld's horse. Hurry up" Levi stated, always with his secure and stoic tone of voice.

Lena looked at Eld and he suddenly looked down... Just his height scared the hell out of her... Why they did all of them have to be so tall? And especially since Eld was the tallest of them...

The gingerhead tried to climb into her horse. Luckily she had always loved animals, and they understood each other pretty well. So it was no surprise that horse was pretty calm to her. Lena smiled... She was going to ride a horse... She never rode a horse before...It was one of her biggest dreams when she was little. Even if she wasn't actually riding it... She would just be sit on it and Eld would take its rope to guide it.

Finally, with success climbing on the horse, Lena tried to calm it down by using her gentle touch. It seemed to have worked, at least. Then, Eld's horse came closer to the side and the blonde soldier took its rope. Lena turned to Eld and gave him a big smile.

"Thank you so much!" Lena replied and Eld looked at the side with a smile "You're Eld, aren't you?"

"Yeah Eld Gin. You're welcome. And you're Elena right?" He said, making the gingerhead smile. They rode the horses through the forest as Oruo and Eren talked with each other.

Eld seemed like a nice person, although the first impression she had of him was that he was pretty intimidated. After all, he was so tall and he was a great soldier. He could kill her if he wanted to.

"You can call me Lena, if you want! It's what everyone calls me" She giggled and gave him a sweet smile. She was hoping she could at least make some friends in there, or at least some aquaitenses.

"Yeah, figured that out already. As the Captain doesn't call you that I didn't think I might" He replied with the same smile. He looked like a little older than her, he was maybe on his late 20's, had a rough voice, but not as deep as Levi and Erwin's.

"Oh, don't mind that really! The Captain is the Captain after all. He doesn't even call me by first name, he's always like 'Häustler, this. Häustler that'. It's kind of strange" Lena replied, rolling her eyes, but still smiling a bit nervously. She was probably saying a lot of nonsense things...

"I see... I've never seen you around here before. Are you a new nurse or something?" Eld asked with a curious expression.

"Yes. I've only been here for some days. So you can guess this is all being a little...Well, different" Lena said in a more nervous way "But at least I got to ride a horse! It was one of the things I really wanted to try"

"It's amazing isn't it?" Petra asked some space behind them "You feel like you're just free to do anything"

"Y-Yes! Even if we're riding slowly, I really feel like that" Lena answered, feeling a bit intimidated by those such amazing soldiers "It feels like I go anywhere... Like I can even go flying in the sky..." 

"And for your first time, you're pretty good at this" Eld commented, also giving her a smile.

"A-Ah...Thank you" Lena giggled embarrassed "You know, I always loved animals. Since I was a child, so we understand each other pretty well"

Levi looked at her from behind... On his eyes was a look of pain, yet nostalgia as well...Why did she have to remind him so much of Isabel? She didn't all the time, but there were just times that he couldn't help but remembering her...His old friend loved animals as well and she was also good at riding horses.

"You're not saying you understand horses, are you?" Petra asked, thinking that she was just joking. The gingerhead only laughed.

"No, of course I can't understand them. But they can understand me. You see, animals can understand really well humans. You just have to find the right way to show them" Lena replied, still with the same naivety and innocence, petting the horse's main...

Both of the soldiers stared at her with confusion, yet curiosity on their eyes. Then, they gave smiles at each other.

___________________

Finally, they had arrived to the Headquarters. A giant castle, that was the old Scout Regiment headquarters back in the old days. At least that's what Oruo was saying. It resembled a fairy tale... Hidden between a forest, it really looked like one of those castles of the books that she used to read when she was little. The gingerhead smiled...At least she had plenty of trees that she could use to play songs. She wondered if they would let her play some songs with Eren...Lena missed so much singing to him, Armin and Mikasa. She wanted to make up to all those years they had been apart.

The soldiers and the nurse got out of the horses and started to take their things. The gingerhead looked at Eren. He was observing with the attention the soldiers of Levi's squad. His eyes were attentive as he listened to Oruo's and Petra's conversation. They seemed like really good people, at least that relieved the gingerhead. But again, they were good and incredible soldiers, so they followed their Captain's orders strictly.

"Wow...Just look at this place!" Lena exclaimed, getting closer to Eren, that was still observing the soldiers talking to each other "It looks so much like that those castles in fairy tale books we used to read together remember?"

"Yeah..." Eren replied without any emotion "Only this time it won't have any fairies..."

"Are you alright? Suddenly you became really quiet. Did you leave your tongue on you horse or something?" Lena asked, worried about the sudden quietness of the brown haired boy.

"No, it's just that..." Eren sighed, closing his eyes "I'm nervous...What if I lose control and become just a mindless monster like in Trost? Like the others...What if I'm just a waste of time and lives?"

"You're not going to lose control" Lena replied, sounding certain about her words.

"How are you so sure?" Eren looked at her with a clear look of fear.

"A feeling. And you know my feelings always come true!" Lena smiled playfully and put her hand on his shoulder "Come on, cheer up! In a few weeks Armin and Mikasa will also be here with us! You'll only have to wait for the next expedition. I'm completely sure you'll be amazing!"

"Thanks I guess...At least you're here as well. It would be worse if I didn't know anyone " Eren replied and the gingerhead giggled.

"Me too, Eren..." Lena gave him the same compassionate smile and looked better at the building. 

It did looked like a castle from a fairy tale. But an abandoned one. It was all dirty, the buildings were completely shambled and worn. Not exactly the proper place for having soldiers there...Lena sighed...She missed her convent. She missed the sisters...But she was loving her new life as well.

"Hey, brats" Levi called, making Lena turn her face at him with the same tired expression "Grab a broom and get to work"

Right...She forgot about the cleanfreak thing Hans had told her about...

Chapter Text

Captain Levi ordered the soldiers and the nurse to clean every part of the headquarters. They obediently did exactly as he told. Those soldiers were so strict...No wonder why they were elite soldiers, the best of the best. Levi didn't give them any choice, after all. Any act of insubordination would give them a special place in the punishment jail. And possibly not being in such an important squad like the Levi Squad. There was no place for that.

Which was why Lena was having a hard time...

"Häustler!" The Captain called her, as she swept the floor of what would be an office of one of the superiors. She had already cleaned practically all the first ground. Turning her head towards him, she let a sigh...An earthquake was coming... "After this, go upstairs and clean your office. I'm going to show it to the other soldiers. I believe you have brought your materials with you?"

"Y-Yes, sir! I'm almost finishing the...This office? At least I think it's an office, I'm not really sure" Lena answered, sounding a bit hesitant and nervous. She knew she had to follow his orders strictly, but she was just concealing herself not to tell him to go to a certain place...

"Then you're settled. By the way, this floor can be swept way better. I still can see some dust" Levi replied harshly, that made Lena's eyebrows frown with annoyance and anger...He was never satisfied and it was already messing with her nerves "And the corridors aren't that good either. Remember I said that I wanted it spotless"

"Really...Then why don't YOU-???" Lena started angry but then she covered her mouth, once noticing her angry tone. She promised Commander Erwin to control her bluntness, even though it was driving her mad... "I-I'm so sorry sir...I'll sweep it one more time. Then I'll go immediately clean my office"

"Good. And hurry up, the office needs to be ready for the soldiers" Levi answered with the same strict and harsh tone of voice that made Lena's nerves boil.

The Captain headed towards the door but he took a glance at her one more time. She was turning her back as she swept the room's floor one more time. She was mumbling something to herself that he didn't quite hear. It was amusing seeing that woman and her sharp tongue trying to be obedient. Her cleaning wasn't bad, at least was better than Yeager's. He wondered if she had also learned how to clean in the convent. Without saying anything else, the Captain got out of the room.

Lena glared to herself...She hated that Captain's orders. He was never satisfied with anything. She could spend all day cleaning one room that he would still complain that it wasn't spotless. But what annoyed the most were the way he said those things. Like he was superior than her, and not in the professional way. Sure, she was no soldier. Much less an elite soldier. And the gingerhead wouldn't lie...She was feeling really intimidated while talking with those great soldiers because of that. But nevertheless, she was important as well. Despite the way Captain Levi treated her...

"That annoying Captain Ice Cub..." Lena grouched to herself, tired of sweeping the same floor over and over again. He wouldn't leave her alone, would he? And somehow she and Eren were always the victims of the hardest work "At least, the other nurses we'll be in here soon and this nightmare will be over...God, give me strength to deal with this!"

Little did she know, that another redhead girl was watching the freckled cheeks talking with herself while she did all of the work. She was finding it amusing...

"This isn't clean enough!! That isn't decent!! Sweep all over again!!" She imitated a grave tone of voice, that was meant to imitate the Captain's. That only made Petra chuckle "What is he going to order me now? Go cleaning the horse cells? For God's sake, not even in the convent I had to clean like this..."

"Are you talking to yourself?" Petra asked, suddenly entering in the room with an amused expression.

Lena opened widely her eyes, caught off guard. She turned her head to the other gingerhead girl and gulped. She had listened to her talking badly about the Captain...That would be really bad. The last thing she wanted was to make things even more complicated. The effort she was making to control herself was already enough. But...Maybe Petra hadn't listened to her in that part...The nervousness didn't disappear, but she tried to stop it a little bit.

"U-Uhh...Yeah, yeah, yeah! I talk with myself all the time! Usually when I'm stressed, you know? It helps relieving it" Petra could only chuckle "What? Is it that weird?"

"No, of course not!" Petra answered, still giggling "I also talk with myself sometimes...And you're right, it does helps us releasing some stress"

Lena gave her a sweet smile. She didn't know Petra very well, but she was the first one to talk to her when the gingerhead had first met the soliders. She had a sweet and kind expression, and was really nice as well. She was sure she was a good person.

"But, I heard you talking about the Captain, am I correct?" Petra gave her a playful smile, that turned the other redhead's cheeks into bright red and the nervousness started to dominate her again "Was that suppose to be his imitation? Everyone seemed to take the day off to imitate the Captain. Oruo was doing the same a while ago"

"W-wel-l...I-I...!!" Lena tried to start, but the nervousness wasn't letting her talk. If Levi heard that he would make her clean the floor of all the castle by herself. To calm herself down, she took a long sigh "Please don't tell the Captain about this!! If he finds out, he's going to give me so many chores to do that I'm gonna grow old with a broom and a mop instead of hands!!"

Petra started to laugh at her reply. Lena hoped she didn't think she was too ridiculous. After all, she was from the Levi Squad, an elite in killing titans. Lena was just a nurse. She bet all the soldiers thought that she was just a silly clown...As if that wasn't an usual thing. Not that she tried to be, that was simply the way she was. Sometimes it frustrated her, but she just couldn't stop saying all the things she truly felt.

"No, of course I won't tell. And I don't think the Captain would bother himself so much just because of that" Petra sat on he dinner table and Lena joined her.

"I don't know, Petra. The Captain is so stressed sometimes...That I'm surprised how he doesn't have grey hair already..." Lena sighed...He was so serious, never at ease, never off guard...

"Well, being a Captain is not properly the easiest task in the world. I'm sure you understand that" Petra started, trying to make the other gingerhead understand that whole situation "And especially not in the Survey Corps"

"Yes I know that, but... He's always so serious" Lena explained, still talking a lot with her hands "Always with a frowned expression... Like he's just done with the world"

"You're right about that, I don't think I've ever seen the Captain smile" Petra looked at the ceiling, trying to remember the image of a smiley Levi... But nothing came to her mind.

"You see what I mean? I know he had a hard life and is Captain and all...But...Still, how can someone be so... Distant all the time?" Lena asked, really confused about it. She didn't understand how someone could be just so unapproachable, without bonding with anyone.

"I see you don't get much along with the Captain do you?" Petra asked, still with the same playful smile and curious eyes.

"Not really... I can't stand his way of being! And I'm sure he can't stand mine either" Lena explained, making Petra chuckle.Then she crossed her arms and rolled her blue eyes in an annoyance "So at least it's a mutual thing"

"You know, Captain Levi isn't that bad once you get to know him. He is by far one of the best people I know, if not the best" Petra said. Lena frowned her eyebrows again "Up close he's just like any of us. Only a bit shorter and maybe too much of a clean freak"

"I don't doubt that reallyyy deep inside he is a good person. I just can't seem to get along with him! He's completely different of me!" Lena explained, remembering the first moment of their meeting. When he found her caressing the horse's main. Looking at her all up and down... Freezing her with his eyes. The gingerhead took a long sigh and closed her eyes "Believe me... It doesn't matter how much we try...There's no remedy. We'll never get along"

"Never say never. You'll see once you start getting to know him your opinion will change" Petra replied, clearly understanding all of the picture "Everyone is caught off guard by his seriousness and distance"

"I hope so... And I swear I'm bending over backwards to do it" Lena replied, with a tired expression as she took a sigh...But then she remembered she had to finish cleaning the kitchen so she could clean her office "That's right! I have to finish cleaning this! God, I completely forgot!"

"Oh, sorry. It was my fault, continue your work" Petra quickly got up from the table with an expression of guilt. Lena gave her a kind smile.

"It wasn't. Don't worry about it. I get distracted even if I see a fly" The gingerhead chuckled as she picked up the broom "It was really nice to talk to you Petra"

"I say the same. Good work with the rest of the work" Petra replied, starting to get out of the room.

Lena sighed... Well, at least Petra was someone nice to talk to. She was really nice and seemed an understanding person. Now the gingerhead felt a little silly when thinking of how afraid and nervous she was feeling.

But again, they were the soldiers who were going to execute Eren if he lost control. Whenever she thought about it she felt a squeeze on her heart. But Lena had to trust them...They seemed like human and kind people, so she was sure they understood...The nervousness and anxiety didn't disappear. But she had to trust them, and she had to trust Eren...

___________________________________________

After cleaning that room and the corridors (which there was not much dust to clean after all, Levi was just too much of a clean freak) Lena went to her office to clean it. That was going to take even more time, since it was one of the biggest offices in there. The nurses' rooms were really big, with some for the soldiers with most severe injuries. Hers was the smallest one, it had only 3 beds, since she was with the less severe ones. Even so, some of the soldiers could get sick and that was her department.

Suddenly, an old melody started appearing on her mind...

(clink the link and listen to the song:))

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9y4Hm5VghnE

"Mmm...

I'm a little bit in love,
Never felt this way before" Lena hummed while she swept the floor.

"Mmm...

Just a little bit in love,
Or perhaps a little bit more..." The gingerhead smiled as she turned around with her broom.

"When he
Looks at me,
Everything's hazy and all out of focus.
When he
Touches me,
I'm in the spell of a strange hocus-pocus" Lena danced, sweeping the floor. A dreamy smile was on her face as she put the broom down and picked up a rag to wet in the water, in order to clean better the windows.

"It's so...
I don't know" The gingerhead sang to outside of the windows as she wet the and cleaned them to shine brightly with her rag.

"It's so...
I don't know.
I don't know... But I know,
If it's love,
Then its lovely!" Lena smiled widely as she danced and turned around with the dreamy eyes of hers.

"Mmm...
It's so nice to be alive
When you meet someone who bewitches you...

Will he be my all,
Or did i just fall
A little bit,
A little bit in love?" Lena sang, closing her eyes and imagining her alone, harmonizing with herself, with only the melody of the song...

The gingerhead sighed to herself...She hadn't sang for two days...That was already too long for her. Perhaps that was exactly what she needed. She had been so stressed and nervous lately that she barely had time to think about music. Singing that song felt so good...

When she sang the whole seemed to stop existing...There was only her and the melody...

After finishing cleaning all of her office, she would start putting all the things in order to start working and studying. Putting her rag on the window to let it dry, she went to pick all of her things to prepare her office. The desk and the beds were already in there, however she still needed to put all of the things in order. She sighed...After memorizing all of the things where all the things were in the old head quarters, she just had to go away...She sure had some luck.

"It's always the same thing, now I'll have to memorize everything again..." Lena sighed, putting her hand on her forehead "I'm sure lucky..."

But then, the gingerhead shook her head. That was no time for whining. She was there to work, and to take those things seriously. She remembered the vow she had made to be a serious Lena that no one had seen before. Well...All the soldiers probably thought she was a clown on that moment...

"Wow, now that's a great voice" Lena heard someone say. Her cheeks became completely red once she noticed someone had heard her. She gingerhead never guessed that someone actually heard her. After all that place was enormous. Turning to the door, she noticed Eld and Gunther at the door with smirks on their faces.

"Oh my God!! I'm so sorry, I didn't think you could hear me!! I didn't distract you did I??" Lena asked with her cheeks completely red from the embarrassment. They had heard her... Not only Petra herd her talking badly about the Captain but Gunther and Eld had heard her singing... That day couldn't get any more awkward.

"Don't worry you didn't. But if I were you I'd be more careful on where you sing" Eld commented with a smirk and Gunther shook his head. Lena was still red as a tomato, especially since they were those two. Those damn towers made her feel a bit scared "You have a great voice, but I bet Captain Levi wouldn't be very happy hearing you around the head quarters"

Lena sighed and looked down... That wasn't something she wouldn't expect. She was already imagining Levi yelling at her for not being able to do something because of her singing. The gingerhead knew he probably wasn't a music lover, but perhaps he could let her sing only a little bit. At least she hoped so...

"You don't think he'll let me sing? Only for a little bit! I promise it won't be more than 2 minutes!!" Lena asked with a nervous look and voice.

"You should probably ask him instead. But I think he won't mind" Eld answered. Lena sighed in relief... At least that was something good. She wouldn't sing much but she could sing at least just a little bit.

"You think he won't mind? Are you okay? The Captain hates music" Gunther replied and the gingerhead's head explode.

Levi hated music? No, that wasn't possible. It was impossible not to like music. Even for Levi, it was impossible. No one was able to hate music... If that was true, then Lena would definitely declare a war to him... Perhaps she loved music too much, but no one could hate it. It was just not possible.

"The Captain hates what??" Lena asked completely perplex.

"He doesn't hate music. He simply doesn't enjoying hearing it" Eld replied, punching Gunther's soldier. Lena was already understanding the whole picture.

"So he hates music!!!" Lena exclaimed, rolling her big blue eyes. The gingerhead sighed... "And here I was thinking that I couldn't dislike him even more... How is it possible?"

"But I think as long as if he doesn't hear your it's okay. Even though we would like to hear more of your voice" Eld said, with a kind smile that made Lena become calmer "We never had music in here... When we were in training there was always someone singing songs and dancing but here... Nobody is just in the mood"

"Y-Yeah, I already knew that. And if you want, I would always be happy to sing you songs" Lena replied in a nervous, yet sweet tone "I-If you're not too busy of course, I don't want to be a distraction..."

"Don't worry about that. It's not some singing that's keeping us away from our focus. We're scouts, after all" Gunther said with a little bit of a smile. Lena smiled as well... Those soldiers were nice after all.

"Tomorrow do you want to go watch our training? Your friend Eren told us you always wanted to watch the soldiers use the 3D maneuver gear in person" Eld asked.

"The three di manu what?" Lena asked, tilting her head to the side with a confused expression. Eld and Gunther only chuckled at that reply. The gingerhead went confused. What were those soldiers talking about?

"Those things we use to fly" Gunther replied playfully and Lena remembered what that was.

"Ohh! Right... " Lena put her hand on her forehead with her eyes closed... Could that become even more embarrassing? She didn't want to imagine what those soldiers were thinking of her that moment... Even so, she returned her eyes to the soldiers and gave them an embarrassed smile "B-But, I would love to!! And yes, I always wanted to see people using them in person!!"

"It's settled then. And watch your friend closely, we don't want him to get to any trouble. After all, we don't know what he's capable of..." Gunther said suspiciously. The gingerhead sighed again...

"Don't worry. I'll do what I can to prove that Eren is not dangerous" The gingerhead said excitedly.

Then the two soldiers took glanced at each other, and two small smirks could be seen on his faces. Now it was Lena's turn to smile... At least the soldiers were very nice and welcoming. Just thinking of how she was afraid of not fit in there made her feel really silly at that moment. All of the soldiers were so nice and treated her like she was one of them. But again, the nurses were the ones who treated them...

She guessed that at the end of the day they were all comrades....

____________________

Meanwhile Lena and the other soldiers bounded with each other, a raven haired man was just drinking his tea after cleaning his office. He looked at the wall... A voice was singing again... Probably Lena. Certainly Lena.

Resting his hand on his chin, he thought about when he entered on the kitchen when she cleaning it... Her cleaning was acceptable, he had only argued to see until when she could control herself and her feistiness. It surprised him seeing her actually being able to control her bluntness. Even though Levi was sure that she had tell him to go fuck himself on her mind every time they interacted. Or in her own way of saying that. He didn't believe that Lena was even capable of swearing.

Without noticing, his head traveled to the day after Eren's deliberation...

Flashback

"I don't know how do you expect me to work with that woman" Levi said to the Commander of the Scout Regiment as he walked over to the wall of that room. Erwin only sighed, already understanding what was going on "Didn't you see the way she tried to punch me? She's completely crazy..."

"Levi, you have to make an effort. She promised to make an effort was well. I ask you, please, focus on what's more important. Humanity" The blonde man, who was sitting next to his desk filling some paperwork, looked into his eyes as he spoke with seriousness.

"I honestly can't see what benefit Humanity will gain with us working together. One of us will end up murdering each other either way" Levi replied, sarcastically with his tired and uninterested voice.

"It's me who can't see how you're not able to trust a person like her" The blonde man sighed, opening his notebook to write something on it.

"What do you mean a person like her?" Levi asked, raising his eyebrow. He wasn't understanding anything of that conversation.

"Elena has..." Erwin started. Then, he let a little smile to the table in front of him "She has this light..."

Levi's eyes widened... Erwin  had felt the exact same thing he felt when he first met her. That she had some sort of brightness... But Levi would never admit that, of course.

"A light? Erwin are you hearing the shit that's coming from your mouth?" Levi said, completely confused about what the Commander was saying "She has a light... Are  you crazy?"

"I just know that she's a good woman. And that you have no reason not to trust her" Erwin stated, continuing his serious tone but keeping it casual as well. As a normal conversation.

"It's seems to me that what you have is a crush for the nun" Levi frowned his eyebrows sarcastically. Erwin let a chuckle .

"Believe in what you want. Ask Hange and she will answer the same I did. Ask Mike and Moblit and they will answer it too" Erwin stated, still giving the Captain a little smile "That doesn't change the fact that you'll have to work together. Whether you like it or not"

Levi stared at the Commander with an emotionless  expression . Taking a long sigh he closed his eyes and supported his head on the wall... He would trust Erwin as he always did... But it didn't change the fact that he wasn't gladly doing it. And if something less pleasant happened he could rub it in Erwin's face.

"Just give her a chance, Levi. She might surprise you"

End of flashback

Levi let another sigh, and perhaps what could be the little beginning of a smirk...

"A light, huh..?"

Chapter Text

Lena, Hange and Levi were standing next to a well. Levi had been teaching Eren the anatomy of a Titan. Lena was actually curious about it. She learned a lot about the human anatomy so learning about Titans was really interesting for her. She found herself even taking notes about it. Hange understood so much about it as well, that woman was a genius and the gingerhead admired her intelligence, creativity and enthusiasm until the moon and back.

On that moment they were making Eren do his first authorized transformation. Lena felt shivers down her spine and her whole body was tense...She knew it was safe but even so...Seeing Eren turn into a Titan was something she didn't wish to see. Seeing him turning into the monsters that massacred her home...The freckled cheeks gulped. That was a vision she definitely didn't want to have. But, after all, it was needed to help Humanity.

Levi noticed the gingerhead's tension while they were doing it. He didn't judge her...Her friend was about to transform into a men-eating monster. She was shaking, looking down and biting her lip in a complete nervous wreck. Not with the same at relaxed and touchy posture who just drawn everyone into her...She was even paler than the usual and her curly bangs were covering half of her eyes, since she was looking down at her feet. Her hands grabbing tightly the light brown fabric of her dress. The raven haired sighed...

"Don't need to be so tense. This has to be done either way. Being nervous won't change anything" Levi replied in an attempt to calm her down or at least stop a bit her tension. After all, if she was too scared, it wouldn't work out well for the experiences. Lena looked at him with her eyes not so bright and still with the scared expression. 

"I don't know what you're talking about. I-I'm completely fine..." The gingerhead grouched in response. Levi looked at her sarcastically. Did she really thing no one noticed that her clear mess?

"You're ready down there, my dear???" Hange shouted to the well. "When we're good to begin I'll fire off a smoke signal! What happens next is entirely up to you!"

Lena tensed even more, gulping and widening more her eyes. That was really going to happen. She only wanted for that to stop... But the gingerhead knew that was needed and Levi was right. That had to be done either way...Not only Eren could die but turn into a Titan was something unbelievable...

God, she didn't even want to see it...

"I'm ready when you are Commander!" Eren shouted from the well. Lena was completely frightened...Shaking from every part of her body. 

"Wait!" The gingerhead exclaimed, capturing the soldiers' attention . The scientist looked at her confused "I-I'm sorry...But...A-Are you sure...? That, you know...This is safe? I-I just don't want Eren to....T-to...To hurt himself..."

Lena was looking at her with her blue eyes full of fear and nervousness. She was shaking, her skin was pale and her eyes wide opened. The gingerhead hated herself for it, she knew she had to trust Hange. That woman was incredibly intelligent and she was sure she wouldn't let anything happen to him...But it wasn't just that...The thought of seeing him turning into the monsters that destroyed her home was something she didn't want to see. At all.

"You already asked that three times, Lena. We already told you, there's no guaranteed that Eren will be safe. But there's high chances that he might" Hange replied with her eyebrows frowned with confidence and seriousness "We get that you have a deep affection with the boy, but I ask you. Please try to get your emotions out of this okay? Right now, he's not just your friend Eren, he is Humanity's only hope"

Lena gulped at that reply...It was so hard seeing Eren as Humanity's only hope. But sh had to try. At least try. Otherwise they wouldn't go anywhere. Shaking her head, Lena closed her eyes.

"Y-Yes...Of course...I'm so sorry Hange. I shouldn't have interrupted it. Go on" Lena opened her eyes and looked at the ground. That was one thing she hated about herself. Always acting on her emotions...

"It is okay. Now let's get to business!" Hange looked front again "If the boy loses control this well should hold him. If not we'll go with Levi's method. Now we have to step aside"

The three adults stepped some meters away from the well. Lena only stared at it...The fear was each time stronger as well as the tension. She started biting even more her lip and looking down. Levi looked at her with curious eyes...He got that it would be strange but why was she so tense? He had never seen her like that, not even in the deliberation.

Finally, Hange fired off the signal signal. The gingerhead looked even down. Her shaking started to get worse and her face was a complete mess. Her freckles almost weren't visible because of her paleness. 

Some minutes had passed and there was no sign of Eren's transformation. The three adults were confused. A part of Lena was praying for him not being able to transform but the other part wanted him to do it so they could make progress.

"Strange, perhaps he missed the signal...?" Hange commented on her horse. 

"Or perhaps we're just naive thinking that he could turn it on and off" Levi replied, coming closer to the well. Slowly, the gingerhead and the scientist came closer to it as well.

Lena frowned her eyebrows...Levi was probably right. The human body was already a mess and very hard to control and understand, so it wouldn't be a surprised if Eren wasn't able to transform when he wanted. That was such an interesting subject...A scary one but also interesting.

Lena, Levi and Hange looked over to the well and a shocked expression went to their faces once they saw Eren full of blood on his hand and on his mouth. Lena felt like she was about to cry...She hated seeing him like that, he didn't deserve anything that he was passing through.

"I'm sorry...I don't think I can do it now..." Eren said in an empty and lost tone.

"Eren!! When you get out of there I'm going to treat your hand!! " Lena shouted into the well, making an even more echo of her already loud voice.

_________________________________

"I could've easily treated my own hands. You didn't need to do it" Eren said, while Lena put the first aid quit on his hands. The gingerhead started kindly caressing them, showing that she would be always there for him.

"That would make me a useless nurse" Lena smiled gently. Then, she turned her face to the raven haired man, who came closer to face Eren "Look I don't understand anything about Titans but weren't his hands supposed to be healing themselves or something?

"They were...No offense, but you're not much good too us in this form" Levi commented, staring at Eren with an angry and disappointed look "Pull it together! And yes that is an order!"

"Yes, sir...." Eren replied, in complete frighten and fear. He was probably feeling so bad on that moment...

Lena frowned her eyebrows. Didn't Levi understand how terrible Eren was probably feeling? The gingerhead knew that everyone was in a very complicated position but even so. They sometimes forgot that it was a mystery to Eren as well. And that he was just a kid.

"Now hold on, you don't need to be so hard on him!" Lena got up and followed the raven haired with an angry expression. The Captain looked at her again "Eren is doing what he can, he's also feeling bad right now. But pressuring him like that only makes it worse!"

"Spare me with your sentimental talk" Levi replied in a harsh tone that seemed to cut the gingerhead's soul "You think this is the time to lay under a tree and have compassion? Humanity's on the line. What I said to him I say to you. Pull it together and spare me with that God and that light of yours. I should've known a shitty nun on this operation would be a mistake"

Lena's jaw fell as she stared at the Captain with a shocked look. She actually became speechless with that reply. Her nerves were boiling once again... She promised to give him a chance but on that moment she swore to herself that she would kill him with punches.

"Just... Just WHO do you think you ARE to talk to me like that??? Just because you are Humanity's Strongest that doesn't give you the right to insult people!!! Especially my work!!!!" Lena shouted, caughting Levi off guard one more time "I swear I've been trying to control myself but I can't take it anymore!!! You're a rotten apple!!! An arrogant twig!!! A...A Captain Ice Cube!!!!"

"Enough!!! Say anything else and you're out of this operation!!! I can't deal anymore with your insolence and rudeness!!! Let the other superiors deal with you because I've had enough!" Levi shouted, seeming truly angry at the gingerhead for the first time. Lena's nerves were an explosion once again.

"Oh but you've got some nerve!!! You can't deal with me??? I have to stand your arrogance and comments and you can't deal with me???" Lena and Levi were just standing, facing each other with deadly looks on their faces. No one even dared to come close to them "Maybe I am rude and insolent like you say but at least I'm not a pedant runny-nosed snot like you are!!!"

"Do you know who you are talking t-???" Levi started in an even higher tone, but slowly stopped when they heard an explosion.

BOWW!!

Lena turned around and her eyes widened when she felt a giant explosion with thunders and steam. The gingerhead fell on the ground and covered her face because of the air that was blowing and the light that blinded her vision. The soldiers that were next to the table fell on the ground and screamed in agony.

Feeling her hair flowing with the rage of air and supporting her hands on the grass, Lena tried to open her right eye and saw the bunch of steam, finally calming down. Her eyes widened again in horror, when she saw the silhouette of Eren trapped in the torso of a Titan. The gingerhead let a scream and stepped behind in agony.

"DAMN IT!! WHY NOW??" Eren screamed, trying to release himself from the Titan body.

Lena covered her hands and moved behind in an absolute fear. The brown haired boy looked at her and his heart broke, seeing his friend that treated him like a brother running away from him completely frightened. The gingerhead started crying and closed her eyes in despair.

"This isn't happening, this isn't happening!!!" Lena shouted in fear and agony "God I beg you!! Not again!!!"

It was an irrational reaction, but she couldn't think straight. Seeing Eren transforming into the monsters that took everything from her. That took her home, that took her mother, that took her happiness...That took her childhood...Even so, Lena tried opening her eyes again. The soldiers were all in position to strike Eren down.

"The situation is complicated. Now calm down" Levi said in a smooth voice to the soldiers that were looking at the boy with anger and rage on his eyes. 

Lena tried to calm herself down...Her eyes widened even more in realization. Eren was also with a desperate and afraid expression, while looking at those soldiers who wanted to strike him down. It was still Eren. He could be a Titan but it was still Eren. Her heart started beating even faster even if she was slowly calming down.

"What the hell do you think you're doing??" Eld screamed

"Sir, please!!" Eren replied with fear and despair on his voice. Lena didn't leave the ground, it was all too much for her to handle.

"No one gave you permission to transform!!!" Eld shouted, with the same stoic and angry expression.

"I said calm down" Levi said, trying to make the situation more serene.

"Answer the question, Eren!!! What has gotten into you??" Oruo screamed. Lena didn't move, just stood lying on the ground watching that scene completely baffled.

"Leave it!!! Explanations can come later!! First things first!! You need to prove you're not hostile like your life depends on it!!!" Günther stated, coming even closer to Eren's Titan form. Eren only looked at him with scared and hesitating eyes "Prove it or we kill you!!!!!"

That was the sign for Lena. The gingerhead quickly got up from the ground and ran towards Eren's Titan form.

"Wait!!! I don't think he intended to-!!" Lena started, immediately getting interrupted by Oruo.

"If you don't prove it, I'll take your head off!!! This is the first and only warning you'll receive!!!" The soldier screamed and Eren looked at him with even more frightened eyes "I can end you in a heartbeat, do you understand me, boy??"

"ORUO! How many times do I have to say-??" Levi asked, that made the gingerhead coming even closer to Eren, in an attempt to touch him. Even though it got stopped by the Captain in time "Don't touch him!!! It will burn your hand!!"

Lena quickly stepped back, analysing him with face full of fear, tension and agony.

"Captain!!! I need you to step away!! You're too close!!!" Petra screamed, aiming her sword to Eren's Titan form.

"Right now, you are the one who need to step away!!" Levi replied in an harsh voice, making the soldier quiet in an instant.

All of the soldiers started threatening him and shouting at him, making Lena even more tense and frightened. What could she do?? She needed to help Eren but if she tried to do anything the soldiers would kill him without pity and then kill her right after him...

"STOP IT!!!" Eren screamed, getting the attentions of all the soldiers and stopping the threats.

Tears and more tears fell down Lena's cheeks...Why was that happening? How could that happen? She hated herself for not being able to do anything about it...She had failed protecting him...Just like she couldn't protect her mother...

The tension quickly ended when a crazy scientist appeared, screaming of enthusiasm to discover more of Eren's ability. Lena sighed...Hange appeared on the right moment. Sighing her tension out of her body, the gingerhead became more relaxed. They weren't threatening to kill Eren anymore, at least that was a good thing.

Then, Eren pulled his arm out of the Titan body. With a scream, he fell right on the ground, even thought the soldiers were still aiming towards the 15 year old. He breathed heavily on the ground, still wondering of what had happened. The gingehead took that moment to run closer to him.

"EREN!!!!" Lena shouted, kneeling down next to his side and embracing him. She put her arms around his shoulders and held him closer. He moaned in pain and closed his left eye "Are you alright?? Is something hurting you?? Do you need some water?? Oh God you look paler than a ghost in a haunted house!!"

"Oww, oww" Eren replied quietly, still breathing heavily and looking at the ground. Lena got a little away from him and held both of his hands.

Suddenly, Levi started to step closer to him. Lena looked at him, still holding the brown haired's hands. Her eyes softened...He was the only one who was by Eren's side when he transformed. She never expected him to do it.

"I'm sorry, Captain..." Eren said, still breathing heavily. Levi looked down at him with his expression more soft as well.

"So you're feeling okay or what?" The Captain asked, in at least what the gingerhead thought in a caring way. The raven haired man looked at Lena. Her eyes were sparkling more and her expression seemed to soften a bit when she thought of how he defended him and tried to calm the soldiers down. Shaking her hand, she looked at Eren again.

"Can you breath straight? Your breath is really heavily. Let's take you away from the crowd and you can drink a bit of water"

_____________________________________

After that whole situation, the soldiers had a secret meeting to discuss what had happened. A meeting that Lena couldn't attend for obvious reasons. It wasn't something she wouldn't expect to happen. After all, all Lena was was a nurse. Even so, it broke her heart knowing that she couldn't do anything to protect him. 

That was why the gingerhead was planning to sneak to the cellar before going to sleep. Just to check on Eren, she wouldn't even sleep straight even she didn't go there to see him. She just couldn't help it, that boy wouldn't probably sleep as well.

Being a total mom? Perhaps. Would Eren argue with her? Especially as she wasn't allowed to go there? Probably. Would he just argue to show her he was grown up and didn't need any help even though he secretly enjoyed it? Definitely. Lena knew him too well.

Stepping carefully not to make any noise, Lena walked trough the corridors of the buildings. The thing was, those headquarters were amazingly giant so trying to find a certain room in there was harder than making dresses for mice. And the freckled cheeks was already an airhead, so finding those stairs would be a really difficult thing to do...

"Finding something here is like looking for a needle in a haystack, God..." Lena grouched to herself, already a bit annoyed. All those corridors looked the same, how was she supposed to find those stairs? "This place had to be enormous didn't it?"

After some more minutes of walking and mumbling to herself about her terrible orientation and the size of that building, the gingerhead finally found the stairs that were supposed to reach the basement. Sighing, she opened the door carefully, to see if nobody had seen her going there and started climbing down the stairs.

After climbing the stairs, carefully Lena opened the door of the cellar. Eren was lied in a bed, and he couldn't stay in the same position more than 3 seconds. The gingerhead sighed...He was probably going to so much. It was her duty as his friend to check on him and make sure that he was okay. 

"Eren...?" Lena whispered through the door, catching the teen off guard. He opened widely his eyes.

"Lena?? What the hell are you doing here??" Eren asked maybe too loudly. Lena came closer to his bed and put her finger in her lips, letting a 'SHH!'. Immediately Eren closed his mouth and only stared at her in confusion.

"Be quiet...!" Lena said quietly, putting the plate and the bread in the table next to the bed "I just came check on you... To see if you were alright. And to get you this bread, you didn't eat anything at dinner"

Lena sat on a chair next to Eren's bed and gave him the bread and the tea. The brown haired boy looked at her with a confused expression. Then, he looked down at his hands that were already healed and took a long sigh...

"You know you shouldn't be here... And I already told you I can take care of myself okay? I'm not a little kid anymore!" Eren replied harshly, still looking down. Lena let a small smile.

"I don't doubt that! But I wouldn't sleep straight if I didn't know how you were... After all, I'm still your nurse. I'm supposed to check on you" Lena answered, letting the same kind smile of hers "Now eat your bread because I can hear your stomach growling"

Eren covered his stomach with his arms in embarrassment and picked the bread. Lena looked at him with the same old caring expression.

"Look I am not the same brat from when we lived in Shingashina. I'm a soldier, and you have to understand that I don't need anyone to take care of me" Eren asked, right before putting the bread on his mouth "It's getting a little annoying"

Lena looked down and Eren cursed himself from what he had said. But he needed to say what he thought, it was a thing that she always told him. To always speak his mind. The gingerhead, however, just sighed...

"I know, and I'm so sorry, Eren. But what happened to you today messed with my nerves..." Lena said with sadness on her voice "I promise this is the last time. It's the natural feeling of protection, we didn't know we were alive until last week how are you supposed to expect me just not to care? "

Eren sighed... He understood her side. And knowing that after all those years apart she still cared about him and loved him like a brother made him feel warm inside. But Lena needed to understand that he wasn't a child anymore.

"You can't be so attached to the past. What it's gone it's gone... Even if we try nothing will ever be the same... " Eren looked to the side. Lena also looked to the side...Eren was absolutely right.

"I know Eren... But that doesn't change the fact that we found each other. It was fate, it was God's will that brought us together" Lena held his hand, this time giving him a smile "We can't change the past but we can change the future. And our friendship, it's stronger than ever Eren. We are here. We are alive. We have to enjoy this time while we can"

Eren stared deeply into her big blue eyes that shined everything they saw. Lena had always been like that...How was it possible for someone care so much for... Everything?

"Okay, but I need you to trust that I'm not a brat anymore. I can handle myself" Eren rolled his green eyes and the gingerhead could only chuckle.

"I trust you. But remember that if it weren't for me you would be starving right now, sugarplum" Lena giggled and messed his hair with her hand "I guess I have to stick a little around just to make sure you don't make any craziness"

"Man, you sure are the same stubborn ass..." Eren mumbled, making Lena giving him a punch in his arm "OW! Was what that for???"

"Language...!!" Lena replied more quietly with a playful smirk on her face "I didn't raise you to be mannerless!"

"Yeah yeah, look who's talking. The crazy chick who tried to punch Humanity's strongest in the face" Eren counterattacked and Lena started to feel the blood rising to her cheeks "It was me had to keep you from doing a craziness, remember?"

"Oh my God... I had forgotten about that..." Lena said with her eyes widened and covered her mouth with her hands. Then, she looked at Eren like if she was going to tell him a giant secret "You think I should apologize...?"

"You mean you haven't yet apologized to the Captain??" Eren asked completely baffled

"Well he also didn't apologize to me... You know how I am, Eren...I can't stand violence and arrogance" Lena stated, looking down at her hands "But I was so rude to him today...I have to apologize...I may be a little stubborn but I'm not a haughty"

"Yeah, I'd like to see you trying to apologize to the Captain" Eren smirked and Lena giggled again. The gingerhead stood up, leaving Eren on his bed "It's probably gonna end up with you cutting each other's guts"

"You'll see! I'll apologize!! And if he doesn't accept then he can go to-" Lena covered her mouth once she noticed what she was going to say. Suddenly, she pretended to put a stoic expression "Anyways, I don't even know what I'm doing here. I just came to see of you were alright and to give you this bread, I'm going to bed!"

Eren shook his head smiling, already understanding that Lena was making an effort to trust him.

"Goodnight, Eren. Sleep well" Lena smiled kindly while she opened the door. Eren smiled to her as well, also with a sweet look. Or at least Eren's typical sweet look.

"Goodnight, and go to bed already"

Lena chuckled and just closed the door. Starting to climb up to the stairs she found herself remembering her conversation with Eren...She knew he wasn't being serious when he made fun of her. He had always been like that... Deep down she knew he cared for her as much as she cared for him...

And that was why she needed to let him go as well...

Chapter Text

Lena was lied on her bed, right after visiting Eren. Even so, she just couldn't sleep straight. What if he transformed in the night?? She knew she had to trust him, but it was a thing that he had no control and it was a mystery to him... The questions on the freckled cheeks' mind were the reason why she couldn't stay in the same place on her bed. She turned, and turned, and turned but she couldn't fall asleep. Sighing in frustration, she turned around one more time and changed her position There was no remedy...She couldn't sleep.

The gingerhead got up already in her white long night dress and decided to go to the cafeteria to make some chamomile tea to calm her down. She was sure there was a bit left, usually they all made tea when some of the soldiers couldn't sleep. Some even took it to their room. She lightened up the lamp of her bedside table and started heading towards the cafeteria trying to make the less noise possible, no no one woke up because of her.

Arriving at the cafeteria, Lena put her lamp in one of the tables and started looking for the cups and the teapot. She opened the cupboard, that was right behind the table and took a teacup. Carefully, she started pouring the tea on it. Just feeling the smell of the sweet chamomile tea calmed her down and made her feel much more relaxed. Perhaps that was just what she needed. Not even singing little tunes seemed to calm her down, which was what she usually did.

Lena took the cup full of tea, carefully heading towards the table. The thing is she didn't notice a broom right next to it. Getting caught in a tangled situation of feet and the stick of the broom, the gingerhead lost her balance and let the teacup fall with a huge crash.

"Dang!!!" Lena said loudly, immediately covering her mouth once she noticed the noise she was making. Grouching to herself, Lena picked the broom and started sweeping the cracks on the floor "Luckier than a lamb in the Easter Sunday, stupid clumsy-!"

"Just what happened in here?" A voice called, making Lena look towards the door. She covered her mouth with her hands. A certain captain was looking at her with very deadly eyes "What are you doing here at this hour of the night?"

"Before you say that it was my fault and that I'm always making a mess of everything look, I just tripped over this broom!" Lena replied, not having patience to argue with that man. She was already irritated enough "What? Don't tell me you never broke a cup"

"Easy, I was just asking a question. No need to get so defenseless" Levi said in the same tired and husky voice of his. Lena sighed... Thinking of a way to apologize to him.

"Well I just came here to make tea, I couldn't sleep"

Lena tried to pick the pieces with her hands. Levi only looked at her, wondering if he should do what he was thinking of doing. Listening the gingerhead grouching to herself completely annoyed and embarrassed was amusing. Yet, having a nurse injuring herself wouldn't be so much fun to see.

"You're gonna end up cutting yourself if you pick them with your hands" Levi said, caughting Lena's attention. Levi came closer to her with an old rag and knelt down.

Lena looked at him. He was picking the pieces with the rag. That situation was so embarrassing that she clearly didn't think with all of her brains. Analyzing his expression, his stoic face seemed to soften a little bit. He wasn't with his guard always up anymore. But why was he helping her after all? Didn't he say he had no patience to deal with her?

The gingerhead found herself staring at his features and face, that was closer to hers...The light of the lamp made him even more mysterious and...Handsome...Her eyes went to his collar bones that were shown, because he was wearing only a shirt. Not only he was handsome, but also well built...

Lena shook her head, trying to get those thoughts away from her. She was there on God's will, she couldn't those kinds of thoughts taking advantage of her...Lusting over something was wrong and it wasn't what God wanted for her...

Levi got up and so did Lena, right after him. She stared at him, as he came closer to the trash...

"Am I actually seeing this or is it because it's night?" Lena smirked while crossing her arms. Levi looked at her with confusion "Are you being nice to me?"

"I don't have anything against you, big mouth. At first I didn't trust you, but now you've proven me wrong..." Levi replied, putting the pieces of the broken cup into the trash "And for that... I apologize..."

Lena's eyes widened. That she was expecting everything but Levi apologizing to her...

Now she was feeling a terrible and haughty person...

"You're being nice to me and apologized??" Lena asked with her smile getting even bigger "A Saint is going to fall from the altar!!"

"Don't make me regret it" Levi replied in an harsh tone, that made Lena immediately change her posture to a more hesitating one. Then he sighed and looked down "Look... I'm sorry if I offended you in any way. It wasn't my intention..."

Levi looked at her again, while she stood there staring at him... That woman was sure stubborn. She got him to apologize her, which was something he rarely did. Especially when it wasn't only his fault. Her eyes looked at him with confusion, and maybe regret and guilt...

"I... I have to apologize too, Captain..." Lena looked down in a more quiet and guilty tone "I should have never insulted you the way I did...I understand if you want me out of this operation..."

Lena was feeling terrible about herself...Petra was right, she was too hard on him. Now she felt like a terrible person for the way she insulted him...

"Lena is what everyone calls you right?" Levi asked. The gingerhead looked at his eyes.

"Y-Yes...?" Lena answered with her eyebrows frowned in confusion.

"I don't want you out of this operation. You were a great help for us while discovering a way to control Eren's ability. Just like your healing skills were to help Eren's healing" Levi explained and Lena felt a great happiness inside her. Her smile widened and her eyes sparkled with joy "Even though you should try to control your compassion as well. You won't be there to protect him if a Titan comes for his ass. And I'm not even going to mention you exaggerated frontality"

"I know and I'm trying so hard... I swear I am... " Lena sighed, looking down. Then, she smiled kindly to the table "Eren... Eren is only a boy... And he's been so lost lately. The pressure is just too much for anyone to handle"

"I get your point... But don't forget he chose to be a soldier" Levi said, sitting at the table while he put his tea on the drink. Lena joined him and sat as well "He chose to vow his heart to Humanity. And he needs to be ready for what's ahead of him, no matter what it takes"

"I know that... And thank you so much for helping Eren today. If it weren't for you he would have been probably killed...You're there to protect him after all, and he prove that he is strong enough as well..." Lena replied and took a gulp from the tea. She smiled, with her blue eyes filled with sadness and longing "I guess I'm too much protective of him as well... But what can I do? I think it's normal to feel that way if you think a friend of yours is dead for 5 years, and then suddenly BOOM! You discover that he has been alive all these time!"

Levi's widened once again. What was she talking about? Had she been on the fall of Shingashina as well? Now that he thought about it, it made sense... She knew Eren since he was a child and those kinds of friendships didn't just bonded in a few years. She must had gone to the convent after that event... How come that possibility never occurred in his mind?

"You mean... You didn't know he was alive until you arrived here..." Levi replied, not knowing much what to say.

Lena shook her head looking down. Her expression went so vulnerable when she talked about it...Her eyes became less shiny and her skin become paler...

"N-No I didn't..." Lena replied with a broken voice "Not him, Armin or Mikasa..."

Levi sighed... So that was the reason why she was so attached to the cadets... Suddenly everything started to make sense.

"I see...I guess that pretty much explains why you're so attached to him" Levi continued, understanding how Lena was vulnerable and clearly not wanting to talk about it. The gingerhead looked at him again "For some moments I thought that you loved him"

"What??" Lena slowly returned to her smiley expression. Clearing the beginning of some tears that were forming in her blue eyes "I mean, I do love him like a brother, but nothing more than that..."

Levi looked down...Now he understood the whole picture. He was feeling kind of guilty for arguing like that with her. She had a good explanation. And he was a big dickhead to her. It didn't surprise him if she started to insult him.

"Well...I'm glad we finally came to an understanding" Levi commented, drinking his cup of tea as well.

"Me too, Captain. I apologize again for my rudeness and frontality. I will try to control myself" Lena put her hands together and looked at him with puppy eyes "And... I'm sorry if I tried to punch you... Sometimes it seems like I don't have all my marbles..."

"Apologies accepted. No need to worry more about it" Levi replied in the same cold voice of his "And I expect you to do as you promised. I don't believe you used to give this much trouble in the convent"

"Oh, no sir. I used to give them much more, you can't even imagine!" Lena replied laughing, hoping for a reaction of him.

Even though she was laughing hard, his reaction was the opposite of her expectations. Levi kept the same serious and not talkative persona while drinking his tea. Lena stopped laughing and looked at the table again, putting her cup on the table. That was awkward...

"Well uh... I already drank my tea, so... I guess I'm going to sleep" Lena said, as she got up from the table and the raven haired man followed her with his eyes.

"Yeah, I think so too..." Levi replied in his usual grave tone. Before Lena opened the door, she remembered an important issue.

"Now that I speak about it! Wasn't I suppose to treat your insomnia??" Lena asked, remembering the moments before the battle of Trost.

"I don't know what you're talking about. Go to sleep big mouth" Levi replied sarcastically. Lena only chuckled at that reply and got up from the chair.

"Ah! You sure very smart, sir! When things get stable again don't even think you will get rid of that!" Lena replied, this time with a smile. She headed towards the door and turned around to face Levi "Thank you Captain, once again...Goodnight"

Levi looked at her with his eyes, for the first time, that showed a little bit of warmness and bright...

"You're welcome, have a goodnight..." Levi replied, drinking his tea again.

Lena stepped out of the room with a smile on her face... For the first time an actual civilized conversation between her and the Captain. And she felt... Happy? Relived perhaps... At least they didn't have to argue like that anymore... He sure was different when he wasn't mad or annoyed.

His eyes showed a little bit of a warmness, they weren't the same closed windows. His at ease posture was (even though she wouldn't admit), very pleasant to look at...Such a mysterious aura, that made her feel...Well, let's say strange. Of course she still didn't want to be 'friends' but at least a little trust could be belt. And that was enough.

Levi was too relived that they had came to an understanding...

His head went back when Erwin had told him about the 'light' of the gingerhead. Suddenly he was seeing Erwin's point. She seemed like shining when she wasn't mad. Her bright blue eyes, her smile, sweet voice, her clumsiness...Perhaps that was the light Erwin was talking about. He only hoped it didn't end up burning the headquarters down though....

...As he was already hearing another huge crash followed by her voice complaining to herself again...

"Ow!!! Why do things always get in the way of my feet??"

He really hoped it didn't burn it down....

________________

"Wow!!! That is so good!! " Lena exclaimed, smiling and clapping her hands. The soldiers were training in the trees with the 3D maneuver gear through the trees. Lena only admired them with her big blue eyes shining brightly... She only wondered how would the sensation of flying with those things would be. The gingerhead had to admit, she was pretty jealous of them being able to "You are so amazing!!!!"

All of the soldiers laughed as they watched the freckled cheeks' reaction from seeing their training. She envied them so much... Even though that was probably really scary as well. But she didn't care, that feeling of flying in the sky could be worth every scare ever. Lena sighed... It was like they were birds. And she always wanted to be a bird to fly...

"You're overreacting. We are just doing basic maneuver gear moves to warm up" Petra giggled, although she understood the other gingerhead's reaction. She probably had never seen soldiers using that kind of material in person, and especially by elite soldiers like they were.

"I'm not I swear!! If I were a Titan I would run away with the tail between my legs if I saw you doing that!!" Lena replied, still laughing. The other soldiers' expressions seemed to be down a little.

"I wish that was how it worked, girl. Those damn Titans... " Oruo said, still giving her a bit of a smile.

Lena understood them...If the fall of Shingashina still haunted her after all those years she couldn't imagine what those people had seen and experienced...They had such a strength, such courage, determination, will of fighting, altruism and many other qualities that were too much for Lena to describe in a single sentence. She had such an admiration for them...And being there, watching those amazing soldiers training in person made her feel incredibly lucky.

"You'll see guys...I believe in you. You will change humanity. You are just...So amazing..." Lena looked at them with admiration and hope on her eyes. The soldier were looking at her with shocked, yet amused expressions "I wish I was as brave as you..."

"We're glad you feel that way...Not many people do..." Eld replied, looking down. They were all looking down with less motivation.

Lena sighed...The gingerhead knew well how the people in the Walls viewed the Scouts. She had the best example in her family: her older brother, Peter.

He found the Scouts repulsive and a waste of time, lives and money. Usually at Christmas, Easter or other family gatherings, he always ended up fighting with her sister Louise about the Scouts. Her husband was once one of them, so Peter wasn't happy at all with that information...He always said that their parents didn't want Scouts in the family. The thing was that wasn't true...Neither their mother or their father were against Louise's marriage, especially since he wasn't a Scout anymore.

Peter was a complete hater of them. 'Waste of people's money', 'waste of good men', 'suicidal bastards', 'heroes-wanna-be', and far more insulting words and expressions. Of course Peter wasn't the only one. They were good if he was the only one hating them. Comments far worse than Peter's were always heard on the streets. How come they didn't understand how brave and selfless the Scouts were?

"W-Well...But what matters is that you're totally completely doing your best to help Humanity and that's what really matters! And that it's such an honor to work with such amazing people and soldiers!!" Lena exclaimed excitedly, trying to lighten up the mood. After all they still had training to do "But now, you should train again, please!! I already spoke too much, I'm sorry!! Good luck!!"

"Actually we are just ending for today. Let's get down" Eld stated to the other soldiers.

They all got down from the trees and Lena went next to them, seeing and observing the equipment they used to fly. It was really complex, yet it was really a curious thing to think about how it worked. How they flied in the sky like birds...

"God...Flying in those must feel so good..." Lena sighed, to the other soldiers, who were already sitting in a table to rest. The gingerhead followed them and sat next to Eren "Flying like birds...What a dream..."

"If you want to try it so much why didn't you ever join the Military?" Petra asked with curiosity.

"Me?? In the Military?? I would crash into a tree before a Titan could get me!! Besides I don't think that was God's will for me after everything that happened. But I'm always supporting you from backstage!" Lena chuckled at the last sentence. Putting a peace of hair behind her ear, the gingerhead continued "But let's change the subject! How is it to fly in those things??"

"It's something rather amazing..." Eren replied with a bit of a smile on his face "You feel like you can do anything from up there!"

"Eren is right! It's an unique sensation!" Petra continued, smiling dreamily and staring into the sky.

"Well, when you're not running away scared to get your ass eaten by a Titan is" Oruo chuckled, in a uninterested voice, kind of like Captain Levi did.

"Without talking about the Titans of course. We have enough of those shit heads in our daily life" Gunther replied to Oruo in a playful tone.

"Basically it's like you're away from this world. It's really fulfilling" Petra smiled to the other gingerhead.

"Wow... That feeling must be worth everything in the world..." Lena smiled dreamily while she supported her head with her hand "Flying like birds..."

"It's really indescribable ... Like you just can conquer the world if you want to..." Eld also commented, just admiring the gingerhead's dreamy eyes.

"It reminds me of being in love... It's almost the feeling isn't it??" Lena asked curious, making the other soldiers starting to laugh at that sentence "What?"

"You and your comparisons..." Eren replied, a little embarrassed by her comment.

"That's rather a strange one, I must say... " Oruo put on a clearly fake emotionless tone, while the 23 year old felt the blood rising on her freckled cheeks.

"I mean... The way you describe it, it feels to me like when a person is in love" Lena smiled, trying to explain her comparison "Like, it's really frightening but you feel you can conquer the world... Especially the part of being an unique sensation, you know?"

"You know? You're right! It's actually pretty similar, now that I think about it!" Petra also laughed.

"Sweet lord... That makes me curious to try it even more..." Lena said, dreamily again "You guys are so lucky to get to experience that..."

"I wouldn't say lucky..." Gunther said, in a more serious tone "On that part yeah, your right... But the price... I don't think it's that worth it..."

The table became silent at Gunther's reply...They got to try that sensation and to fly... But the price wasn't that worth it... They saw their comrades die in most cruel ways possible and still remained their strength... Like Oruo was saying. It felt good when they weren't running away from Titans. They almost couldn't enjoy flying on those things straight. Their priority was always to kill Titans... And it made her feel bad for them instead of jealous like she was before...

"Well, what matters is that we chose to do this. So we can't complain" Eld said in a harsh, yet secure way "We have to show it to the cadets too"

"Wait now that I remember...Isn't it today that the newbies are arriving?" Petra asked.

Lena's eyes widened a bit. The other cadets were coming, so that meant the other nurses were coming as well. If that was true, it would be wonderful...Finally she could handle the injured soldiers. She felt really guilty thinking that the nurses had to treat them while they weren't in the old headquarters as well. At least now that they would be together, they could divide the work better between them.

"Yeah I think so. After they arrive, off to study the plan of the expedition" Eld also answered in a tired voice. The freckled cheeks gulped...She had forgotten about the upcoming expedition...Another expedition from what they might or might not came back...

Suddenly, they saw the silhouette of someone coming closer to them. It was Levi. They all stood up from the table and put themselves in position.

"Sir!" They answered at the same time. Lena stood at the table, not sure if she had to make the salute like they did or not...

"Soldiers. As you know the newbies of the Scout Regiment are coming today. I expect you to take one last cleaning before they arrive" Levi stated.

"Sir! Yes, sir!" They all said in unison. Lena looked at them... Definitely the Military wasn't a thing meant for her...

"And you, Häustler" Levi faced her. She found herself analyzing his cold eyes... Such a distant and closed look. He was impossible to read and it drove her mad... How was it possible for a person just not show any emotion? "You are in charge of preparing the other nurses' office. I'm aware you cleaned them already...?"

"Y-Yes, sir! I already put them shining in the first days of cleaning!" Lena pretended a stoic and serious expression that was only laughable. Her eyebrows were too frowned and her mouth was too crooked. Like a lizard.

"Very well. All of you, off to work, now!"

"Yes, sir!" They said at the same time again and started heading towards the building.

Lena got up from the table and started walking as well right behind them.

"Wait, Häustler" Levi called her. The gingerhead stopped and turned around to face him "There's one thing I need to talk to you about"

"I'm all ears, sir! Ears, mouth, eyes...Uh... Well, you get it, I'm listening!!!" Lena tried to hide her nervousness unsuccessfully. She was already a mess. An earth quake was coming when Levi wanted to talk to her.

"That's... Fine... " Levi replied, maybe a little confused "Nevertheless... Last night, have you been in any more besides the cafeteria to drink the tea?"

Lena went silent and her eyes widened. She couldn't believe that Lebi suspected her of going to the cellar. Her heart was already jumping from her chest...

"Me?? What?? Of course not!" Lena laughed nervously "I mean only if you mean like on the corridors or something! Yeah, no! I-I wasn't in... In any more places last night..!"

Levi looked at her with an unsatisfied look. She really hope he was buying it. It would be awful now that they had came to an agreement to argue again.

"You're a terrible liar you know that?" Levi asked sarcastically. Lena sighed and looked down, there was no point in the lying anymore "I know you visited Eren in the cellar last night, so there's no point in trying to hide it"

"No I didn't....?" Lena asked quietly, but ended up giving up "Okay, I did! I-I only went there to give him some food a-and to see if his injuries were already healed!"

"Häustler, the rules in here must be followed strictly. You don't have to be any smart ass to know that" Levi replied harshly, which made Lena sigh and look at him with puppy eyes "And I wouldn't like to argue again either since we already had came to an understanding"

"I know that, Captain I just... I'm sorry... I promise it would be the last time! I swear to God!!" Lena reached her hand and left her pinky out "You see?? Pinky promise!"

"Tch pinky promise? What am I, a brat? The only thing I need is for you to prove you have set that on your mind. The rules for the soldiers apply to the nurses as well" Levi explained with the same stoic, yet not so harsh expression. Lena look down.

"Yeah, I know sir... I swear I won't do it again" The gingerhead replied, in a more quiet tone "B-But wait...How did you know I visited Eren?"

"I was sweeping the stairs headed towards the cellar that and noticed an orange curl right on the ground..." Levi started suspiciously, making Lena looking down with her cheeks already red as a tomato "It didn't take me too long to remember the only person who has curly hair and never listens to my orders"

"A-Alright! I don't need more explanations!" Lena said completely embarrassed. Sighing to calm herself down, she decided to have the courage to finally ask what she had always thought of asking "But...There is one thing I really need to ask, sir..."

"Well... Like you 'tried 'to say before, I'm all ears" The Captain said, crossing his arms and put on a curious face.

"Do you mind... If I play music in here?" Lena asked, a bit hesitant. It was true that she had already sang sometimes (but Levi didn't need to know that) "I have my guitar, and it really helps me calming me down. But I heard you don't like music in here very much... So if I promised not to break any rules anymore, I really need to know if I'm allowed"

Levi stared at her, and so did Lena... He had listened to her singing more than one time... Why did she need his approval just on that moment?

"As long as it doesn't distract anyone, I don't see how that could be a problem..." Levi answered, making the gingerhead smile widely and her eyes shining brightly.

"Thank you, Captain!! So much!!" Lena grabbed both of his hands, catching the Captain completely by surprise. He looked at her with his eyes widened with her sudden touch.

"Tch another rule is for you not to touch me, big mouth" Levi replied and pushed her away from him. Lena stopped her smiley figure and scratched the back of her head in embarrassment "Now, off to work, that's an order"

"U-Uh...R-Right... I mean sir! Got it sir!" Lena messed up that sentence again as she put on a try of a stoic expression and made the salute they usually made.

Lena started heading towards the building with a happy and silly smile on her face. Levi was letting her play and sing... It was true she had sang in there, but with her guitar it would be much better... Perhaps that was just was she was needing... He was so nice in letting her play, even though he didn't like music. His reaction when she grabbed his hands was an odd one. She knew Captain Levi wasn't much of physical contact, but his face had became a mess. It was a bit amusing.

Levi just observed her dancing happily through the grass to arrive the headquarters. Why was that woman always such a hurricane?

He chose not to tell her that he had heard her singing because there was already too much going on. He wanted to stay away of arguing as much as possible. And besides, that wasn't necessarily a rule... He didn't enjoy hearing music all the time, but if it helped her being less stressed and jumbled why would he forbid her? His head remembered the way she grabbed his hands. Who on the Walls would even think about grabbing the hands of a Captain like that? She was a complete lunatic.

But there it was again...

Her light...

Chapter Text

Lena was ending up organizing the nurses' offices. It was a difficult task, since she wasn't sure of where they wanted to put their things. Even so, the gingerhead thought she had made a good job. Every office was completely organized, clean and ready to work with. She was actually kind of surprised with herself. She was usually a very messy person. With every tool in each different parts of the office. Perhaps she was finally learning some organization.

While ending up cleaning the window of Rudella's office, the last task she had to do, she noticed the nurses starting to walk towards the building. A wide smile appeared on her freckled face. Quickly putting the rag she cleaned with in the bucket full of water, the gingerhead got out of the room and started running towards the first floor. With a silly and happy smile, knowing that her colleagues arrived on that moment.

While the gingerhead ran down the stairs lost in her thoughts, she didn't notice the figure of one of the soldiers with a bunch of paperwork on his hands. After bumping right in to the amount of files, both of them ended up on the ground.

Lena opened her eyes with difficulty, not knowing exactly what had happened on that moment. Once she opened them, her heart started beating fast when seeing the mess she had made. Nervousness and embarrassment started dominating her again, giving her cheeks the usual red shade whenever something like that happened.

"Oh my God!! I'm so sorry!!! I didn't see where I was going!!" Lena quickly started picking then files of the paperwork of the ground. Her eyes turned to the face of the soldier and felt even worse when she saw the face of a nervous Moblit picking up the files of paperwork as well "Wait, let me help you!! I'm so so sorry!! I'm such a clumsy!!"

Moblit looked at her and on his cheeks a huge amount of red started to appear as well. His eyes widened and shined even more once she saw the pair of freckled cheeks and blue eyes in a nervous wreck picking up the paperwork of the ground.

"Uh... No, it's okay!! Don't need to worry about it!!" Moblit tried to say, but Lena was too busy picking the amount of papers spread on the floor "Wait! You don't have to do it I wasn't looking as well!!"

"No, it wasn't your fault!! I was more in a hurry than a bunny running away from a fox!" Lena chuckled, while she finished up helping Moblit. The gingerhead got up and stood in front of him with a sweet smile. "You're Moblit, aren't you? I don't think we've ever been introduced before, I'm Lena"

"No, I don't think we have...But well, we do experiments together after all" Moblit scratched the back of neck with embarrassment and nervousness all over him "And Hange talks a lot about you too. She says you're really funny, cute and small"

"Really? Aww Hange is sweeter than sugar" Lena smiled sweetly with her cheeks red as well "A bit crazy, but sweeter than sugar"

"Yeah, especially crazy" Moblit sighed with a tired tone. He being the assistant of Hange probably was a really tiring job... That woman was completely maniac. But she was so genuine and funny. And listening to her talking about Titans, theories and their experiments was amazing. There's no even need to say they she was incredibly intelligent...

Lena smiled. Moblit seemed like a good person as well. Although awfully stressed being Hange's assistance, which was a difficult, really difficult thing to do, he was always loyal to her in everything. Even if having that job was like taking care of a child or even more difficult. He remained loyal and always appreciative of Hange. Lena found it really sweet.

"Here... You paperwork. I'm sorry again" Lena gave the soldier the files of his work and smiled kindly at him. He only looked down, embarrassed and with his cheeks completely red.

"Uh, no worries..." Moblit replied, still not looking directly at the gingerhead.

"Well, see you around Moblit!" Lena said cheerfully, putting her hand on his shoulder and continuing running down the stairs.

Moblit stared at her... He immediately went even more stressed and embarrassed remember what just happened. He had never talked to the new nurse, but he couldn't lie that he had been keeping an eye on her since she had arrived, which caused Hange to tease him a lot about it. And could anyone blame him? 

"Those eyes..." Moblit thought, while blushing even harder.

After that little incident, Lena finally saw the nurses entering on the building. The gingerhead smiled widely and her eyes shined brightly once she saw the faces of her so loved colleagues. Running towards the door, the nurses smiled at her as well.

"Judy!!!!!!" Lena shouted happily as she put her arms around the middle age woman. Judy started laughing out loud and hugged the gingerhead back "Ohh I missed you!!"

"It's only been some weeks, Lena!" Judy laughed. Lena let her go and held Helga's hands instead.

"Helga!! How are you??" Lena asked enthusiastic. She had missed those women so much... They were practically all one big family at that point and her work would be a thousand times easier with them there.

"We're good, Lena. What about you? Did you have any reason to be nervous or not?" Helga asked playfully, remembering how nervous the gingerhead was when she had told them about her operation with Levi Squad.

"Oh, Helga you wouldn't imagine even if you tried what happened while you weren't here! I need to tell your everything!" Lena smiled even more excitedly. Not being able to stay on the same position and jumping on the ground. She was so excited that, one more, she didn't notice someone who was passing right behind her.

"Ow! Why don't you watch where you're going, nun?" A familiar voice argued, making the gingerhead look at her. Evelyn. Still with the same arrogant tone of voice.

"Oh...Sorry! Evelyn how are you?" Lena tried to be nice to the black haired woman. After all, they were colleagues. She didn't want to have a bad relationship with one of them. And she was sure deep down she was a good person, maybe she was like Captain Levi. At first rude and arrogant by once Lena proved her worth her attitude would change.

"Clumsy and annoying oh my... Why don't you go play with your little delinquent friends?" Evelyn asked rudely, which made Lena's jaw fall with shock and annoyance.

"Now, Evelyn... You don't have to be so tough on Elena" Berthe said already sensing that someone was about to blow of rage.

"Berthe, please. I know how to defend myself" Lena interrupted her and looked at the tall woman with a challenging expression "Why are you always more sour than a rotten lemon?? Do you want some toasts with honey to sweet your mood or something??"

"Now girls, calm down" Judy tried to interfere but it was hopeless. Lena and Evelyn were facing each other with deadly looks.

"And insolent as always I see...As much as I would love to put you in your place, I have more things to do than arguing with a loudmouth" Evelyn turned her back after giving her a sharpened look on her dark as the night eyes, like she could cut her soul if she wanted to...

Lena watched the dark haired woman walk fancily towards the stairs. Evelyn could be full of herself, but the gingerhead couldn't lie that she had fairness. Her clothes were always on point, it was actually hard to believe that she was a nurse in the Scout Regiment...

She usually wore long and beautiful dresses, with large cleavages and accompanied by a fancy jacket. She wore a lot of make-up, red lipstick, deep mascaras and an eye-liner on point. Despite her not simple appearance she was also a very attractive woman, with long and curly raven black hair, eyes dark as the night and big pouty lips. It was no wonder why a lot of male soldiers wanted to her to do their medical check-ups.

Lena had always felt a little jealous of her beauty and body... 

She couldn't help not thinking that maybe she didn't have her belly, thick thighs and chubby arms and larger body, as well as her freezy hair, she could feel a little better with herself.

However, that was how she was... And she didn't need to worry about those things... After all, more important than appearance, was what was on the inside.

"I swear, I don't understand how you can deal with her..." Lena glared between her teeth. The nurses smiled at each other. They could notice the anger and annoyance in the gingerhead's voice while talking about Evelyn.

"Well Evelyn is an incredible nurse. Besides, when she wants, she can be sweet" Helga explained in an attempt to calm the youngest nurse down.

"Looks like I care!! She has the temper of a Titan!! Or even worse!!" Lena exclaimed, pointing towards the way Evelyn had headed to. If she wasn't angry anymore with Captain Levi, of course it had to appear someone else to irritate her.

"Just don't mind her. I am not a fan of her style as well" Judy whispered to the freckled cheeks and gave her a comprehensive smile "But now to the real business. The patients that were needing physiotherapy are almost healed. Maybe one or two weeks and it's settled. I have even here the reports of that, but I suggest you to talk with Mrs. Rudella to see what she thinks"

"Ah...Thank you so much. I still have to finish some reports from the battle of Trost as well. Only three or four soldiers are left" Lena explained, remembering the mornings and evenings she had spent in her office filling all the paperwork. But that was the price she had to pay for not finishing them before and instead running to the deliberation in order to help Eren "Wait...If you're here...That means that the cadets are already here as well, right??"

Lena became even more excited. Armin and Mikasa would be there as well. She really needed to talk to them. To see how was everything, and to tell them they had nothing to worry about. The upcoming expedition would be soon, and it like Lena couldn't sleep straight just because of that...She didn't want to lose them, she couldn't lose them...But again, that was the Scout Regiment...She should have known what she was getting herself into.

"Yes, they arrived just now like we did" Judy explained, making the gingerhead smile even more widely "They must be receiving their capes right now"

"Amazing!!! All I want to do is to see them!!" Lena exclaimed with a huge smile on her face. Seeing her childhood friends would brighten up her day in every way. She would ask them if they wanted to sing under a tree someday, like in the old days. After all, the next expedition would be soon and she didn't know what could happen. She prayed God and all the saints in heaven to protect them...

"Well, then we're going to see our offices. Just to check if you did a good job" Helga replied chuckling. Lena scratched the back of her neck in embarrassment. The nurses knew perfectly how messy the gingerhead was. They were curious about the state of the offices, knowing that it was her to organize them.

"Don't be too hard on me! I'm still new to the thing of being organized and everything!" Lena laughed in response "I'm going to see the cadets!! See you later!!"

In a way, or more like in Lena's way, of saying goodbye, she kissed the cheeks of the nurses that were in there. The three women only laughed at her gesture...It was no new for them having Lena to kiss them and hug them. The four of them were really affectionate people, so they didn't mind the gingerhead always demonstrate her friendship through physical contact. In fact, they loved having someone so affectionate in there.

Running towards outside of the building, the gingerhead looked every side to see if she could find the newbies. None of them were in sight, instead soldiers from all shapes and sizes were walking around with their things, ready to unpack them on their rooms. Lena sighed... They couldn't be very far... Suddenly, she started hearing noises, coming from the other side of the building.

The 23 year old turned her head and smiled widely once she saw them...

Her not little anymore sugarplums...

Eren, Mikasa and Armin.

The three teenagers saw Lena next to the door of the building a huge smile went on their faces. The gingerhead smiled from ear to ear as well and her eyes shined brightly. Maybe things would start getting better from that moment...Or perhaps that was the calm before the storm...The expedition within Wall Maria would be very soon. Just thinking about how they could die made her chest tight. She didn't even want to think about it...

"LOOK WHO'S FINALLY HERE!!!" Lena shouted, making all the soldiers looking at her with confused expressions. The gingerhead started to run fast towards the smiley faces of Armin and Mikasa.

Once she reached them, she wrapped her arms around both of them, almost smashing their bones due to the tightness of the hug. Hugging them tightly as ever, Lena closed her eyes, to feel even better that they were there. And that they were with her...

"L-Lena...You're going to...S-Smash our bones..." Armin tried to say, but with difficulty because of the strength Lena was using to hug them.

Lena laughed and finally released them. Stepping a bit towards back, she smiled kindly at the teenagers. A few soldiers were looking at that scene with amused expressions.

"Sorry!! It's just that I missed you on this month! A lot of things could've happened on this time!!" Lena said, still chuckling "What if you had tripped over a rock and died?? What if you had an heart attack in the middle of the night?? What if you had eaten up something expired and got sick?? What if you-??"

"Lena, calm down..." Mikasa replied smoothly. The gingerhead closed her mouth and smiled with a shade of red on her cheeks "I think we can handle ourselves"

"I already told her not to worry about us. But of course this stone head wouldn't listen" Eren answered, rolling his eyes.

"By the way. Eren, have you brushed your teeth?" Mikasa asked. Lena started laughing at Eren's face, that was a complete mess.

"What?? I mean you tell her we can handle ourselves and now you pull this crap, Mikasa?? I don't need any babysitter!!" Eren shouted, frustrated and angry, while the asian girl started to ask him more questions.

Lena and Armin laughed without stop at that scene. Not only Eren had to deal with the protectiveness of the gingerhead, but also of Mikasa. And Lena believed Mikasa was far more protective that she was, since they were children. She only wished the boy good luck.

"Well, I'm guessing these two are already settled for today" Armin smiled at the freckled cheeks.

"You're right, Armin! I wish Eren all the luck in the world. If he hates being protected, I don't think Mikasa will make his life any easier!" Lena laughed at the blonde.

"So, what have you been up to on all this time?" Armin asked with curiosity. Lena sighed...It was a long story to tell. Too much details she was sure Eren would tell them sooner or later.

"Experiments, paperwork, cleaning. Experiments, paperwork, cleaning..." The gingerhead replied with a tired tone of voice. She rolled her eyes, already remembering the hours she had spent inside her office filling the reports of the battle of Trost.

"So you did it! You did experiments with Eren" They heard a voice coming. The two friends turned their hands and saw Sasha, Connie and Jean coming closer. Lena smiled at them...She had missed them as well. She had missed all the cadets. Knowing that they all had chosen to become Scouts made her feel so proud of them. They were already wearing the capes with the wings of freedom and everything...

"Yeah I did, Connie. We didn't discover anything special world but at least was a good try" Lena say sadly. It was an adventure doing all those experiments but they weren't useful for new revolutional information. Then, the gingerhead noticed that Jean was there as well "Jean! You're here as well? Didn't you want become an MP or something?"

They all got caught off guard by Lena's maybe too direct question. They all looked down and gingerhead became confused...Had she said something wrong? They all seemed depressed after those sudden words.

"I was...But I changed my mind. I want to actually help humanity and..." Jean sighed, looking down...Lena frowned her eyebrows in confusion "And to avenge Marco's death..."

The gingerhead's eyes became completely dark, not even with any bright ...Her head seemed to travel somewhere else...Somewhere dark, cutting and heavy...The same place she had gone to when her loved ones had died...

Marco was dead...

That adorable sweet freckled boy was dead...Why was destiny doing such cruel things like that? First she thought Eren was dead, now Marco was actually dead...How was it possible for someone just to die? Like that?

The tears started appearing on her eyes...She didn't talk to Marco very much, but she could tell that he was an adorable and amazing person...She guessed God took all the best people first...After all, when we go picking flowers we always pick the most beautiful ones...

"M-Marco is dead..." Lena whispered to herself, while letting the tears fall heavily down her cheeks.

Eren, Armin and Mikasa took glances at each other, and then at the other recruits. They looked down, not knowing exactly what to do or what to say...It was completely killing. Mikasa was the first to come closer and put her hand on her shoulder. Then, she was caught off guard when the gingerhead pulled her closer for a hug. Then, she started to let tears fall as well.

The new recruits looked at each other, as the environment started to get heavier each second. Only Lena's crying could be heard in the group...They let both of them be in that hug for a few more seconds...

Then, the gingerhead finally had courage to get out that hug. She took a long and painful heavy breath and tried to clean her completely red eyes.

"Marco...Marco is now in a better place..." Lena managed to say between hiccups, breaths and tears. Holding Jean's hands, she looked deeply into his eyes, that were already letting some tears as well "He's looking at us from above and protecting us... And resting peacefully in heaven..."

The soldiers exchanged looks because of the heavy tension. Jean looked down, with the tears falling deeply from his eyes as well.

"Guys...I think we should enter..." Armin said quietly, not wanting to create an even heavier environment "The superiors are calling us for dinner..."

The gingerhead looked at Armin, let Jean's hands and cleaned her tears. Jean did the same... Everyone was sad, looking down... Was that going to be like that everytime they came from an expedition? No one knew... After all it was the damn Scout Regiment... That was the hardest moment for Lena... She couldn't bear it... She could only think about Marco...

"Armin's right, we should enter..." Eren added, with sorrow on his voice as well. He was looking down, together with Mikasa, Sasha and Connie.

The gingerhead took a long breath as well, and tried to clean more her completely red eyes from the crying. That was no time for crying... She couldn't cry like that anymore. The Scout Regiment wasn't a place of cry babies. She needed to put her head up high and follow the instructions.

"Yes... Of course, let's eat something. You must be starving..." Lena sighed, and touched Eren's shoulder.

While they entered the building to get dinner, a certain Captain was observing that scene from the horse cells, after he had feed his horse. The raven haired stared at them from afar...

Levi had never seen Lena crying like... It was rather unusual watching that stubborn and talkative woman crying. He guessed that despite being loud and obnoxious, she was also a crybaby... He wasn't even sure if he expected her to be like that or not... He just knew that it was a strange thing to see.

But she had to handle it. She couldn't just start crying if anyone she knew died in a mission. She was allowed to feel grieve, sorrow... After all they weren't machines, they were humans... But Lena had to learn to keep those emotions for herself. And most important, not letting them affect her way of working. The little he knew her, he was already sure that the gingerhead was one of letting emotions get the best of her. She had to learn to control them.

The way Lena had grabbed that rookie's hands was similar to the way she had grabbed his in the other day. Was grabbing people's hands a kink of hers or something? Probably not... Maybe she just enjoyed touching people in an inappropriate way. Always hugging them, kissing them and touching them...

But why was he even thinking about her in the first place?

_________________

"What?? You transformed into a Titan just by touching a spoon??" Connie asked completely baffled.

On that moment Lena, Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Sasha, Connie, Reiner, Berthold, Christa and Ymir were eating all together at dinner.

They were curious of knowing all the details of the experiments and Eren's training in Levi's squad. Before eating the dinner, Lena insisted for them to pray a little for Marco's soul. Even the ones who didn't believe in God prayed, just to avoid making the tension in there even heavier.

"Yeah, I really thought I would be dead on that moment. The soldiers of Levi's squad were just ready to kill me" Eren explained, still a bit confused by that memory.

Lena could feel Mikasa glaring at the table where Levi squad was. The gingerhead sighed, and touched Mikasa right hand, who was sitting in front of her. She understood what she was feeling. 

"Calm your horses... It was unintentional, they thought Eren was doing it on purpose. Even I got scared" Lena replied, already sensing Mikasa getting tensed up. The half Asian girl seemed to calm down and the red on her porcelain cheeks started to appear.

"That really is something..." Berthold said, apparently shocked about that sudden information as well.

"You mean you can't control whether you transform or not?" Jean asked with his eyebrows frowned in suspicion. It was all a completely different thing for them...It was like all the eyes were staring at Eren with not so trustful looks.

"It's really weird...Like I can't do two transformations at the same time... There's a lot of stuff we don't know" Eren tried to explain, even though unsuccessfully. The looks on the teenagers' faces became really disappointed. They wanted to know more about that ability, and it was understandable. But they needed to understand that it was a mystery for Eren as well.

"I guess it's all a big shit huh? I'm sorry for you, man" Reiner smirked in a friendly way, making Eren sigh.

"Imagine if somebody wanted to kill us just because something we couldn't control. Man, I'm sure I wouldn't be able to handle it" Connie commented with his face on a complete nervous wreck.

"Yeah, if it weren't for Captain Levi, I would be dead right now" Eren continued and all the soldiers looked at him with his eyes widened. Picturing the blunt Levi actually calming things down and saving Eren was something odd to imagine "But I don't blame them...It's a damn Titan after all..."

"Uhh so what's working with Captain Levi like?" Sasha asked with curiosity on her eyes, while eating her so beloved potatoes.

"Is he too rough?" Christa asked quietly.

"I heard he beat you on the court, Eren, what about that?" Ymir said, with a smirk on her face.

"Well uh...I was mostly caught off by his seriousness. I didn't think he was the type to follow rules, but he's actually damn strict at following the high ropes" Eren replied, with all the cadets looking at him with a curious expression.

"All I know is that he's going to pay for hurting Eren in the deliberation..."Mikasa glared at the table "I don't understand why the hell he took things that way...I swear he's gonna-"

"Calm down will you? I already told you what he did was necessary. And besides..." Eren put his hand on Mikasa shoulder. The asian girl looked at him and sighed in an attempt to calm herself down. Then, Eren let a little smirk at the gingerhead "I think Lena already took care of that for you"

Once Lena, who was distracted drinking water, started coughing in nervousness and shock. A deep shade of red started to appear on her cheeks and the embarrassment took care of her body again. She didn't want them to know that she had tried to punch Levi, they would think she was a total idiot. A idiotic idiot. The queen of the idiotic idiots.

"EREN! Do I have to stick some glue on your mouth, you tattletale??" Lena asked frustrated with her cheeks completely red in embarrassment and shame.

"Lena tell me you didn't do anything crazy to Captain Levi... " Armin asked with the same worried face. He had warned not to do any crazy thing in the deliberation. Of course that she wouldn't listen to him...

"Whoaa what did you do??" Sasha asked, feeling her curiosity taking the best of her.

"W-wow, okay... Take it easy, it wasn't anything from another world!" Lena tried to hide her embarrassment unsuccessfully. Her face was already red as a tomato "I just... I got mad at him and... Tried to punch him..."

The whole table jaw's fell completely once the gingerhead say that. They all started laughing except Armin, who took a long sigh smiling, already knowing that Lena did the complete opposite of what he had told her to do.

"You tried to punch Humanity's strongest? You're either really brave or a total idiot..." Ymir replied, smoothly. Lena scratched the back of her neck in embarrassment. They were all probably thinking she was an idiot.

"So what did the Captain do?? Did he punch you back??" Connie asked with his eyes widened opened.

"N-No! Of course he didn't do anything, otherwise I would be dead and buried right now!!!" Lena answered completely embarrassed.

"And it didn't stop in there. Man, they had to control not to cut each other's throats for this entire time" Eren continued with a smirk on his face.

"BUT!! He apologized and I apologized to him. So we're... Good? I guess?" The gingerhead tried to explain.

She found herself remembering the conversations she had with him... When he knelt next to her to pick the pieces...That was the moment that caught Lena off guard the most. Who knew that the blunt and distant Captain would have a little bit of gentleman in him? When he wasn't yelling or angry at her he was a whole different person. He looked better, with the same mysterious and rough aura...He was indeed a handsome man (even though she kept denying it)

His eyes showed at least a little bit of warmness...Not to mention that he let her play music even though he wasn't a big fan. Could there be some sort of light inside that dark as the night soul?

Now that Lena thought about it, she wanted to help him...Nobody should live in the shadows, nobody should just not be able to smile. She was sure he once had a smile, she was sure he once felt happiness. She wanted to help him find that happiness again. Even if he ended up pushing her away or insulting her. It was her duty not only as a nurse but as a human being as well. Not only that, it would a repayment for the terrible things she had called him.

Lena was sure that deep inside that skiff of cutting ice there was a heart...

Chapter Text

Lena was sitting under a tree, feeling the sun of the afternoon and the summer breeze on her freckled face. Playing with the strings of her guitar and singing little melodies, carefully not to make any loud noises. The soldiers were all training, so they couldn't get distracted. But they were in the other side of the headquarters. And even so, like Gunther was saying, they were scouts, how could they be distracted by some guitar sounds?

The gingerhead sighed...Nothing was better than feeling the summer breeze on her cheeks and playing her guitar... She had spent the entire morning and a bit of the afternoon on her office, treating the soldiers who needed physiotherapy. Luckily, they were almost healing completely. The other nurses had done an amazing job treating them, she found herself so lucky to work with such competent professionals. And of course, incredible people as well. Both the nurses and the soldiers...

Usually they didn't have a personal relationship, maintaining it only professional, not exactly great bonds were created between the nurses and the soldiers. Judy had explained her about it, she even warned her not to attach so much with the new recruits. And told her the story of Helga. Who was head over heels for one of the scouts but he ended up dying in an expedition before he could marry her. Once the gingerhead heard that, she ust started crying ....She guessed all of that was ordinary... The nurses were safe behind the walls, but the soldiers were out there fighting. They could die at any moment, at any expedition. It was always a risk creating bonds and friendships or even relationships with scouts. The middle aged women preferred not to, and so did the soldiers.

However, that all changed when Lena arrived...

Even not talking to every soldier, they found themselves drowning in her happiness, excited smile and shiny eyes just by seeing her passing by. She didn't seem to be afraid of bonding with anyone, on the contrary. She wanted to talk to everyone and to get to know them. The other soldiers seemed to talking more with each other or even with the nurses. It was like the Scout Regiment wasn't the suicidal Military branch the way people always described. With the soldiers looking at the ground with a sad and broken look on their faces...Since the freckled cheeks appeared almost everyone was smiling more and more motivated to fight. How could a mere girl affect a place so much?

"Na na na na na..." Lena sang the little melodies, while closing her eyes, just feeling the music and the melody taking her in... She was really needing that... She decided to make a more sharpened tune "Na na na na na..."

"Singing without us?" Lena heard a voice. Opening her eyes, she let a huge smile once she saw the faces of Eren, Armin and Mikasa. They were coming over from training, she could tell because they were washed up, with their hair wet.

"You finished early today didn't you?" Lena asked happily. Usually they all ended up almost in the sunset. The teenagers came closer to her and sat on the ground. The gingerhead came closer to them and whispered, as if it was a huge secret, widening her eyes "Did Captain Ice Cube let you go early or did you sneak away from the training?"

"You mean Captain Levi? He let us go early. We spent the entire morning cleaning..." Armin replied, smiling. Lena sighed and rested her head on the tree. There was a feeling of nostalgia in the air... They were together under a tree again...

"Wow...He really did you a favor... Look at us... Sitting under a tree again, like in the old days" Lena smiled dreamily up to the three. Remembering the afternoons they passed under a tree singing. Then she looked at the faces of the three teenagers and gave them the same kind and compassionate smile of hers "My sugarplums...I mean...I know you're not my little sugarplums anymore, sorry..."

Lena looked down at her guitar...She both hated and loved seeing them so grown up. To her they would always be her little friends, and it hurt her seeing them grow up. But at the same time, it filled her with such a happiness and pride knowing that they had grown into such strong soldiers...

"Don't apologize, it's normal to feel that way" Mikasa gave her a small smile. The gingerhead looked at her...Mikasa was so beautiful. She had always been a really pretty girl, but now with her exotic features and more mature face, she had became a beautiful strong woman...Eren was also a handsome man as well, even more than when he was only a small boy. Armin as well...They were all so beautiful...

"No! I have to mentalize myself! You've become so strong and beautiful..." Lena giggled, cleaning already some tears from her blue eyes. More tears started to fall...Not tears of sadness or sorrow, but tears of pride and emotion...The gingerhead covered her face so they couldn't see her cry "I'm sorry...I'm sorry if you think that I thought you couldn't handle yourselves...You're soldiers, for God's sake...I have to start treating like the strong soldiers you are!"

"Man, I feel bad for your future kids! Pull it together damn it!" Eren joked, making Lena started laughing and crying at the same time. Then, the brown haired boy looked at her eyes with a more serious expression "Look, we don't want you to treat us like helpless little brats, but we don't expect you to treat us like soldiers as well"

"Eren is right...If you started treating us like soldiers, it wouldn't be the same..." Armin let the same adorably cute smile of his "We love the affectionate person you are, just don't over do it"

"What they're trying to say is that we don't want you treating us like any heroes, because we're not" Mikasa replied, blunt but smooth as usual.

Lena looked down at her guitar one more time and cleaned the tears from her eyes. She then smiled to the ground...

"Remember the first time that I taught you three a song?" Lena smiled through the tears, picturing the moment when they were under a big tree for the first time "On that day I had left the work earlier so we went swimming on the river. And then, we went to the hill to get ourselves dry..."

"Yeah... I think I remember..." Eren replied, giving Lena a small smile, trying to remember the scene entirely.

"I remember too...It was a little while after Mikasa was taken in" Armin said smoothly. Mikasa seemed confused, but then her eyes shined brightly once she remembered what they were talking about. Her childhood with Eren, Armin and Lena...

"It was the first time that I sang to you three together. First I started singing to Eren, when I was still learning how to play guitar, then with Armin and then with Mikasa as well...And you were my three little sugarplums..." Lena smiled with nostalgia, longing and sorrow...

Remembering her father teaching her all the chords, remembering him singing love songs to her mother, singing songs to her...She felt like crying, but the tears wouldn't take advantage of her as well. She sometimes asked how the fate could be so cruel, and started doubting if God was ever real...If he was so good and so helpful how come he didn't help her when she needed the most? Or how come he didn't save her father from that illness or her mother from the fall of Wall Maria? But then the Reverend Mother had told her the biggest lesson from her years in the convent...

When God closes a door, somewhere it opens a window

The only reason she was in there was because of all the thinks that had happened. Perhaps her story wasn't the happiest in the world, but it could have a happy ending. She only needed to keep fighting, loving and dreaming. That was what she always did.

Fighting hard, loving deeply and dreaming big. Then she understood what the Reverend Mother's words truly meant. It broke her heart, hurt, and that pain never ended...I didn't matter how much time it passed, it was never gone. But if that what God had planned for her...It was because it meant something...

"I was just thinking..." Lena started again, looking at her guitar. Then her eyes went on their faces as well "Why don't we sing that one?"

"Huh? Hold on, we're actually singing?" Eren asked, caught off guard by that sudden question.

"Why not? Don't tell me you lost your amazing singing voice, Eren!!" Lena gave her the funny playful smile of hers. The brown haired's cheeks started covering with blush and he made an angry expression. The gingerhead chuckled. She already knew what he was going to reply...

"What are you talking about?? I-I never had an amazing singing voice, idiot!" Eren argued, making Lena laugh even more.

"Really? I am always hearing you humming around the place" Mikasa joked, somehow keeping her same serious yet serene expression.

"W-What?? You must be hearing things Mikasa!!!" Eren replied even angrier and more embarrassed. Lena and Armin only laughed at that scene.

"But do you want to sing a song or what?? We're talking about Eren's singing voice when we could test it right now!!" Lena smiled again excited. Her big blue shiny eyes seemed even bluer with reflecting the sky, and were shinier than ever "So what do you say? Let's rock the boat??"

"For me yeah...I haven't heard music for years..." Armin replied, looking down. Lena stared at him with pity and shock. She wasn't mentally capable of just not listening to music or singing for more than 3 days, she didn't even imagining spending years without it...

"Dear God, Armin. I have no idea how you survived but let's get some music magic into the Scout Regiment!!" Lena started again excitedly. The gingerhead started getting her guitar all settled on her lap, ready to play with the strings.

"Mind if we join as well??" They heard a voice coming from behind. The teenagers looked behind and the gingerhead looked past them to see the faces of other cadets, Sasha and Connie.

"Of course not!! The more the better, c'me on! Sit right here next to them!" Lena replied, with a wide excited smile on her freckled face "Where are the others?"

"Reiner and Berthold are doing some extra training by themselves. And Ymir, Christa and Jean are having cleaning duties" Conni explained, sitting next to Mikasa. Sasha sat next to Armin in the other edge. The teenagers were sitting in front of the gingerhead, who was supporting her back on the tree.

"Ohh too bad...Next time they will sing with us as well" Lena smiled. Then, she did some chords on the guitar and looked at the teenagers "Do you know the lyrics of 'A Million Dreams'?"

"I don't...I don't know any songs..." Sasha replied with an embarrassed smile.

"Not any?" Lena asked again. Poor girl, she didn't know what she was missing "Then we'll learn this one together okay? I'll start"

Lena started to move her fingers through the strings of her guitar, trying to remember the melody. Finally, on a stable tune and with the right chords on her mind, she started singing...

(Click the link and listen to the song :))

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCMmNkU5HnY

"I close my eyes and I can see
The world that's waiting up for me
That I call my own..." Lena started singing but then, she looked again to the faces of the rookies, who were just staring at her with dreamily eyes.

"Through the dark, through the door
Through where no one's been before
But it feels like home..." The gingerhead smiled kindly and with nostalgia to her guitar...

"They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy
They can say, they can say I've lost my mind
I don't care, I don't care, so call me crazy
We can live in a world that we design..." She stopped and looked at them again. Then, Lena filled her soul with energy and started to move the strings faster.

"'Cause every night I lie in bed
The brightest colors fill my head
A million dreams are keeping me awake
I think of what the world could be
A vision of the one I see
A million dreams is all it's gonna take
A million dreams for the world we're gonna make..." Lena started slowing down again as she finished the chorus of the song.

"There's a house we can build
Every room inside is filled
With things from far away
The special things I compile
Each one there to make you smile
On a rainy day" The gingerhead continued.

"They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy
They can say, they can say we've lost our minds
I don't care, I don't care if they call us crazy
Runaway to a world that we design...TOGETHER!" Lena shouted excitedly, making the cadets start to sing her quietly with her as well.

"Every night I lie in bed
The brightest colors fill my head
A million dreams are keeping me awake
I think of what the world could be
A vision of the one I see
A million dreams is all it's gonna take
A million dreams for the world we're gonna make" Lena slowed down again, and started only moving a string each time.

"However big, however small
Let me be part of it all
Share your dreams with me
We may be right, we may be wrong
But I wanna bring you along to the world I see
To the world we close our eyes to see
We close our eyes to see" She then smoothed and calmed the tune.

"Every night, I lie in bed
The brightest colors fill my head
A million dreams are keeping me awake" Her soul seemed to fill with energy again, screaming and letting all the negativity, sorrow and frustration go away.

"I think of what the world could be
A vision of the one I see
A million dreams is all it's gonna take
A million dreams for the world we're gonna make" Lena stopped a little, extending for a while the word 'make'. That extension full of strength, passion and amazing vocal made the teenagers' dreamy expressions be switched with a shocked one.

"For the world we're gonna make..."

Lena stopped playing and gave them a kind and compassionate smile. They were staring at her with dreamily and yet shocked faces... They weren't used to sing together... And it was like magic.

"Wow... I had forgotten how amazing it felt..." Armin sighed smiling with his eyes shining brightly. Full of joy and pleasure...

"Your voice is so amazing, Lena! Did the nuns teach you how to sing as well?" Sasha asked with curiosity.

"Yes, Sasha. They have beautiful choirs in the convents. And ours is the best!" Lena replied, giggling. She started to remember her days in the choir of the convent... "But I have always sang, since I was little...My father used to say that I started singing before I learned to talk!"

"Well and I guess we have already found out the amazing singing voice Eren has!" Connie joked, making all the other teenagers and Lena laugh.

"Shut up!!! I don't have an amazing singing voice, you guys are just annoying!!"

Lena just started laughing and looking dreamily into the sky.

Nothing could ever replace that emotion when she played...

That sorrow and pain she let out when she started singing...

Nothing.

___________________

As songs and laughter could be heard under a tree, the Captain and the Commander of the Scout Regiment were discussing the details and the plan for the next expedition. But practically everything was already settled.

"They seem to be having a fun time" Erwin commented, tilting his head towards the window "It's not everyday when we hear someone singing in the Scout Regiment"

Levi and Erwin were in Erwin's office. The Commander was sitting in front of the table with the big window behind them. However the Captain was in front of the other side of table, facing the window. He had already noticed the music a little time ago, but it was briefly and they could only hear some quiet melodies. It was quite relaxing, actually.

"I already regret letting them sing. The Scout Regiment is going to become a fucking music school" Levi replied, tired of hearing the sound of the guitar.

He only hoped it wasn't distracting the other soldiers who were cleaning. Since he was already seeing some other soldiers going outside from the window of the room they were in.

"I'm actually surprised you let them... You're going soft, Levi" Erwin said playfully, still drawing the map for the next expedition.

"Tch. Whatever you say" Levi replied and supported his head with his right hand. He wouldn't say he was going soft, more like he had no patience to deal with a certain nurse when she was angry.

"Was she any trouble?" Erwin asked, smooth. Levi raised an eyebrow, clearly knowing what Erwin was talking about. Of course the Commander had to come out with that subject.

"Who?" Levi asked, pretending not to know that the commander was talking about a quite loud gingerhead woman.

"Häustler. Were you able to find a balancing point?" Erwin asked again as he took off his eyes from the map and faced Levi instead.

"At the beginning I'm surprised how she didn't murder me. Then, after some accidents we came at least to an understanding. That's all in the reports" Levi sighed, while his mind remembered the way she grabbed his hands again with the excited smile of hers "She is a good woman. A stubborn and impulsive idiot, but a good woman"

"What did I tell you? I'm proud of you, Levi"

"Tch you say that like I'm not able to have some self control"

"It's not that. For a control freak having someone like Elena is quite like dealing with Hange. I thought you'd come to me begging to never work with her again. But instead you seem rather serene about it" Erwin let him a smirk.

"Could you at least explain me why would I do that? Who am I to beg you to do anything? Besides, even if I did you would refuse anyways. So I don't understand the point" Levi replied uninterested yet bluntly as usual. Erwin let another chuckle.

"You're right, I apologize. It was a bad judgment" The commander sighed, although he was still smiling.

Levi continuing filling up the paperwork, in silence. Erwin sometimes only said nonsense things. But again, he was the commander of the fucking Survey Corps. Maybe after too many years of working in there his brain was starting to get rotten like shit.

"But did you understand what I had said about that light?"

"You sure are talkative today damn it" Levi argued, already getting annoyed about that nonsense talk. Why did Erwin like to bring that subject up so much? "Why are we even talking about this shit?"

"Nothing..." Erwin said, this time in a more serene way "I wast just curious if you had came to that conclusion"

"That she doesn't even have swear words in her vocabulary? Yeah I have. Let's only hope that light doesn't end up burning the headquarters" Levi answered sarcastically although with the same tired and emotionless voice.

"That would be an amusing thing to see..." Erwin smirked and he faced the map of the expedition one more time.

Levi only sighed and took a glance over to the window. The cadets and Lena had already gone...That didn't surprise him since he stopped listening to the soft melody of her voice and her guitar.

She had brought music to the Scout Regiment. Along with some sort of happiness. Everyone was acting differently. He wasn't sure if it was because of her, but he didn't doubt it...

But it was so confusing. How was she not afraid of getting close or attached to everyone when literally any of them could die? The other nurses were close to the soldiers because of that. Why was she any different? She must have lost people important to her in the fall of Wall Maria. She thought Eren and the other kids were dead. She knew what losing someone was... How wasn't she afraid?

And most importantly, when the people she cared about eventually die out there, which she still be able to remain that light and that happiness? Or would the reality slap her? If Lena had really lighten that place, it wouldn't last for long. Sooner or later, she would be in so much pain and suffering that she would lock herself in her bedroom for months. Knowing the cry baby she was...

And eventually, she would lose her happiness and innocence. It was what happened and what would always happen. It was the god damn Scout Regiment, where people dropped like flies. Darkness would come at her sooner or later...

A part of him wished that didn't happen...

Chapter Text

"Ok... Let's lift your leg one more time, alright?"

Lena was doing physiotherapy to one of the female soldiers, Ninfa she thought, who got injured in the last expedition. It wasn't too dramatic, only a fractured arm, which she had already settled, and a more severe torsion on her leg. Thankfully, she was practically treated since the other nurses, more specifically Gabrielle, made an amazing job. Lena owned them so much for that...

The redhead soldier was sitting on the gingerhead's office bed. Grabbing her ankle, she lifted her leg by flattening it with pressure to her chest.

"Oww..." She moaned in pain. It didn't seem like it, but physiotherapy was something terribly painful. Lena hated doing that and clearly did the soldiers as well.

"I know it hurts. A little remedy to ease the pain is to eat some ginger or blue berries. It works really well, trust me" Lena winked while she did the regular leg movements. She kept doing that for a while and then, finally, the gingerhead left the leg of the soldier "There, you're settled. It's not hurting as it was in the beginning right?"

"I mean it still does, but not as much. Can you tell me when I will be healed?" She asked with puppy eyes. The freckled cheeks sighed...Those soldiers sure were determinate and stubborn, she related with them on that subject.

"Well...Maybe a week of physiotherapy will be enough. But to be completely honest, I don't know if you will be able to go in the next expedition" Lena explained, trying to get the soldier to understand that it was really risky. And they couldn't play with the soldiers' life like that...

"Are you serious?? Damn it!" She argued angrily and put her hands on her forehead in frustration. Lena sighed sadly, looking down...It was so hard giving them those news. That was the worst part of being a nurse and a doctor. She couldn't even imagine having to tell someone that their loved ones had died, the way doctors did...

"I said that I didn't know. It depends a lot of the state of your leg. If it gets better until next week, maybe I will talk with the other nurses, but it's very risky. A damaged soldier cannot go out there recklessly, it's completely irresponsible" Lena answered, sounding very mature and responsible. That didn't seem to calm the woman down, so the gingerhead put her hand on her shoulder with kindness. She gave her a smile "Believe me. You're a scout for God's sake! You kill Titans, tou fly with those ropes of yours between the trees...I'm sure you understand that life is not any joke"

The soldier gave her a small smile, making Lena returning with a big smile and chuckling.

"Thank you...And yes I understand" She replied quietly. The gingerhead smiled kindly to her in sympathy.

"A scout must suffer more than a nun's knee in the holy week, I can tell..." Lena started looking down, but still smiling "So if you ever need a friendly shoulder, I'm always here. Even not knowing each other, in moments like this is good to...Throw it all out"

"Thank you so much...It's good to know that we have someone to rely on who most probably won't die..." The soldier smiled kindly to the gingerhead. Lena smiled to her, feeling a squeeze on her chest as well. 

She sometimes forgot where she was...In the place that all of the people were afraid to go to...Except those amazing soldiers that Lena admired so much. Especially since the freckled cheeks started to work there, it seemed like her admiration for them grew even stronger.

"You don't have to thank me, it's my job. The nuns who taught me medicine were always saying that health is not only in the body but in the mind" Lena giggled, pointing with her index finger to the head of the soldier "And all of my books say it as well"

The gingerhead smiled, looking down...She missed so much the sisters from the abbey...Even if they were always arguing with her to tell her not to do bad things, she missed so much having them teaching medicine. She wonder if she had stood in there more time she could maybe advance more in terms of that subject. Medicine was something that had always got her attention. And some of the nuns were incredibly intelligent and told her so many good advise, so many books...Lena owned them everything...

"Thank you...I'll promise not to forget" The female soldier chuckled "Can I go? I missed lunch so I haven't eaten anything yet... I'm hungry"

"Ahh o-of course you can!! Sorry, sometimes I get lost in talk, I'm sure you have already noticed!" Lena laughed, as the soldier got up from the bed and put on her pants and belts "If you ever need anything you already know, just knock"

She started towards the door and Lena sat back on her desk, already filling the paperwork about that soldier's recovering. She was recovering pretty well...But the gingerhead couldn't say if she would be able to do to the next expedition. Maybe if Commander Erwin put her in a safer position? But why would they risk it all?

Whatever, it all depended how her leg would recovered until next week. Physiotherapy helped but it did no miracles...The nurses weren't any saints who could cured the blind as Jesus did in the Bible. On one hand Lena wanted her to recover fast, so she wouldn't feel guilty for not going in, but on the other hand, she didn't want her to go...

The gingerhead shook her head. Those were soldiers. They would all go and return home safe and sound. The expedition would be next week and Lena prayed every night before sleep so they could return safe. But even so, she was so afraid. No, she wasn't afraid. She was completely frightened...She was maybe more scared than some soldiers.

Everyone had already lost so many loved ones...No one deserved, no one...

Still lost in her thoughts, while still filling the huge amount of paperwork, Lena heard another knock at the door.

"You may enter!" Lena answered, taking her eyes off the files of paper.

Suddenly, her blue eyes widened once she saw no other than Humanity's Strongest entering the door, and slamming it with his back. Opening his eyes, Lena observed how tired they were...She couldn't imagine the last time he had a proper sleep at night...But she couldn't lie, it suited him. It made him look even more mysterious and... Handsome...

"Captain Levi!!!" Lena smiled excitedly and got up from her chair, making the salute of the soldiers "I'm at your orders sir!!!"

Levi looked at her sarcastically, even though still staring at her with his piercing eyes... Lena felt herself starting to be nervous because of his  gaze... He was from such a coldness like she had never experienced before...How could a person be that hard to read? She wouldn't lie, it frustrated her so much not knowing what was going on in his head...

"I suggest you not to be at my orders, otherwise I would just leave you here talking to yourself" Levi replied with his usual sarcasm.

"That's what you wanted, sir. But I'll not leave you out of the frying pan and into the fire!" Lena started laughing, expecting some kind of reaction from the raven haired man.

On the contrary of her expectation (just like the last time), Levi only stared at her laughing like a hyena with his usual sarcastic and tired expression. The gingerhead coughed and returned to her ordinary face, already with her cheeks red as a tomato. How the hell could she make every moment embarrassing?

"A-Alright...You can sit in front of my table if you may" Lena tried to say without saying something completely nonsense, the way she usually did "I'm surprised how you chose to come here this early. I wasn't expecting you to come before the expedition"

"It's not like I had a choice. Four eyes practically dragged me into here" Levi answered while he stepped closer to the table. Lena started searching in all her papers and annotations to see if she could find the treatments for insomnia. She remembered some, but her forgetful self could easily miss one or two.

"Hange can go a bit bonkers sometimes, but she's completely right about that" The gingerhead replied while she took the main notes and books that she had found about insomnia right in front of her and Levi, who was already sitting in the chair. With quite of an unpleased face "Okay, let's at least try to get you on dreamland more often from now on. Insomnia can't be treated definitely, since it's more of a psychological thing. However, that are still some remedies you can use to help it"

"Yeah, make it quick"

"Right, uhh..." Lena picked one of her papers and slowly started remembering what was written in it "First we have nuts. They are really helpful for insomnia because they help relaxing and relieving stress. Second, you can fill the air with lavender. It improves your mood and relieves your pain. You can put it next to your pillow or in your bedside table, breathing its essence is really helpful to relax. Not to me though, I'm allergic ahah"

Levi listened carefully to what the young nurse said. She had searched all that in a couple of weeks while still having to search for remedies for other patients, doing physiotherapy and filling paperwork. And she still had some time to lay under a tree and sing with the cadets. He was actually impressed by her capacity of working, knowing the airhead she was. And especially how organized she was in terms of time schedules. 

"Okay, I red in a book and some Rudella's notes that you can eat cheese as well, but maybe it's not a good idea to mix its smell with the lavender oil so..." Lena giggled a bit nervously and took her eyes off from all of her papers, facing Levi's gaze with them "Instead of eating cheese you can just, and please don't make fun of me because of this, drink a cup of warm milk before sleeping"

"Tch, what like I'm some shitty brat?" Levi asked, not looking amused by the recommendations of the nurse. Lena sighed and gave him another smile.

"Yes! Because not only it helps relaxing the muscles but it's really psychological as well" Lena opened more of her eyes and got her face closer, like she was going to tell him a huge secret "Warm milk usually reminds us of you know, when were just babies and were drinking our mother's milk. We were at peace, and were feeling protected. And the only way you can have a proper sleep is by being at peace, so the warm milk usually resembles that and helps you being more at peace you know? Actually I was the one who figured about the second option. I used to drink it a lot when I was a little girl, every time I couldn't sleep that's what I usually did. I'm still not quite sure if it works but-"

"Okay, slow down. I don't understand a shit your saying damn it" Levi interrupted her, making Lena cover her hands with her mouth "You were saying milk resembled when we were babies and felt at peace. But do you expect to have fucking milk in the Scout Regiment?"

"W-Well, last time when Gabrielle went to the town to buy some products I sent her a list of the remedies I needed for some treatments. And so she brought some bottles of milk, I'm keeping them in the cellar, where it's more cold. I also have the lavender and the nuts" Lena explained everything, always talking a lot with her hands. Then, she crossed her arms and frowned her eyebrows in annoyance "B-but why? You think I don't know what I'm doing Captain??"

"It's not that, big mouth. I was just not expecting having milk around here. This place is starting to look like a damn kinder garden" Levi replied, looking at the ceiling. Lena went confused.

"W-Well...It's for health purposes! It's not like I actually want to make the Scout Regiment like you say. Believe me sir, it's not what I want..." Lena whispered only the last sentence. That made Levi wanting to laugh.

"I believe you, I guess. I only hope these treatments of yours work out. Otherwise I will just ask Commander Erwin to send you away like what happened with the last nurse we hired" Levi said, obviously only joking. Though Lena didn't seem to quite catch that, already making a completely frightened and worried face.

"Oh please Captain! I ask you for everything that's most sacred for you, don't send me away! I-If it doesn't work out, I promise I will search better and to study better and I will find another treatments! But please, I beg you!" The gingerhead put her hands together like a desperate puppy not wanting their owner to leave them for a day of work.

"It was just joke calm your ass down" Levi replied, crossing his arms, just observing the sudden and desperate reaction of the freckled cheeks. Exaggerated and expressive as it always was...

"Oh...In my defense, it's really hard to tell if you're joking or not!" Lena replied, this time more at ease. However, still nervous which caused her to take a more defensive reply "Wait but now you make jokes?? I thought you only knew beating people until they lost their teeth!"

"You're still on that? I thought that brat had already explained why I did it" Levi answered, with his tired and emotionless voice that he always had.

"I-I decided to draw a line under that. But I still haven't forgotten! When someone messes with one of my sugarplums messes with me as well!" Lena replied in an obviously fake tough and serious tone, although quickly remembering how desperate and painful Eren looked at the deliberation after Levi had beaten him up.

"Sugarplums? This is becoming a fucking kinder garden...What's next the cookies and the nap?" Levi asked, making Lena leave her more serious expression and letting some chuckles.

"I mean, if you want...If you took a nap that meant that your insomnia would be treated!" Lena chuckled and appreciated Levi's more at ease posture...She enjoyed seeing him more relaxed, not with his guard up all the time.

Lena wondered if having those conversations with him and letting him make fun of her helped him relaxing a bit. The gingerhead promised to help him and maybe slowly getting closer and at least breaking a little bit his giant walls could be a first step. What mattered was that he was slowly trusting her and maybe Levi would find out he could confide in her as well...And maybe help him a little bit...

"Tch whatever you say. Can I go already or does the 'governess' have anything else to say?" Levi asked sarcastically.

"Governess! I take that as a compliment, Captain" Lena chuckled, while picking up the lavender from the drawer of her desk "Here it is the lavender. The first bottle of milk is in the cafeteria and so are the nuts"

Getting up from the chair, Levi took the lavender and observed the gingerhead's featured while smiling at him. It was the first he actually had a more at ease conversation with someone...Usually the talks would always end up at the same thing. Death, plans, military and Titans. He found it a bit...Relieving to actually talk about other things, even if it was only about medicine.

"I appreciate it, Häustler. Commander Erwin will know about your good work" Levi said, before stepping towards the door.

"Are you making another joke or are you serious?" Lena asked with her worried expression back on her pale and freckled face.

"Tch his time I'm serious" Levi replied emotionless as always. But that was enough to make Lena smile widely again.

"Oh!! Thank you, thank you so much, sir!" The gingerhead said, giving him the same kind and excited smile. He returned his eyes to the door again and went out of the gingerhead's office.

Lena giggled in excitement. Levi was actually appreciative of her work! A saint was going to fall from the altar. The raven haired man was always so strict and rough that she had never imagined him actually telling her that she had a good work.

But again, she had spent so much time searching for treatments, asking advice to the other nurses and reading books. He obviously valued her hard work and it was already a good thing. It would take a long time to break his walls, Lena wondered the last time he had someone to talk to...

The gingerhead hope those treatments worked out... That man really needed to sleep at least more than 5 hours. Though it would not be completely healed, at least it could work at least a little bit. She felt bad for him...What was once hate and annoyance (which it still was a bit) had been transformed into empathy. Levi kind of reminded her of herself after Wall Maria fell. The sleepless nights she had in that dark room, only praying and crying...

______________________________________

The rest of the afternoon passed in the blink of an eye... After filling the paperwork of the soldiers' recovering, Lena passed the rest of the day studying on her office. She felt tired... She hadn't gone outside to play her guitar in a few days... She was missing it...

The gingerhead hadn't seen Eren, Armin and Mikasa in a while too... That worried her... Lena had promised to trust the brown haired boy and the others to protect him... But she couldn't help being worried and scared... And knowing the next expedition would be soon made her feel completely frightened...

On that moment, Lena was lied on the ground of her bedroom with her old guitar, while she wrote something in a piece of paper. She had been thinking about a melody of a song. A melody that kept chasing her...Writing on the paper the chords and trying them with her guitar.

"No...It's not this..." Lena grouched to herself, as she tried another chord "This, it's this..."

Carefully moving the strings of her guitar and singing quietly the melody, so one woke up, her traveled for her conversation with Levi...His eyes looked so tired...And lonely...The gingerhead could only imagine the last time he actually had someone to rely one. Someone to confide on...Of course she didn't know him and she could be wrong, but it still broke a little thinking about how alone he could feel...

But why was she was suddenly thinking about him? When playing her guitar and singing Lena didn't think about anything else? Why was she thinking about him just in that moment?

"Hello Lena, sorry I had to stay in the office to fill some paperwork" Her confused thoughts got interrupted once the smooth voice of Judy entered in her bedroom. Lena sighed and gave her a smile.

"It's okay, Judy. I was just trying some melodies that have been in my head for a while" The gingerhead replied, still writing something on the paper in front of her. 

The middle age brown haired woman came closer to change her clothes for her clear yellow nightdress while Lena got up from the ground and put her guitar on her case, still confused about those sudden thoughts and melodies...

"You spend more time singing than you spend talking" Judy joked, giving the same sweet smile of hers. Lena went immediately into the sheets of her bed and just stared at the ceiling.

"Never doubt that, Judy!" Lena chuckled as she put herself comfortable in the bed.

"I'm so tired...The minute I lay on that bed I will go right into the dreamland" Judy sighed and ligthened off the candle in the bedside table.

"Before you fall asleep can I ask you a question?" Lena asked, with her big blue eyes still wondering through the ceiling.

"If I can answer it, I'm all ears sweetie" Judy answered as she put herself comfortable between the sheets.

"You think I made a mistake getting so attached to the soldiers...? I mean...I know you already told me it's a bad idea and I didn't listen...But even so...You think I will regret it?" Lena sighed, looking at the ceiling.

"To be completely blunt about it, I think you will, Lena. But you already know my opinion on that" Judy replied. One of the things the gingerhead found amazing in the middle age woman is that how honest she was about everything. Blunt and direct but still so kind and generous...

"Yeah, I know that... But if I didn't get attached I would be heartbroken as well I might as well get to know them..." Lena sighed again to the ceiling as she tried to get the thoughts of the Titans away from her "I'm just so scared...I don't if they-"

The gingerhead got interrupted with the noises of Judy's quiet snores... She was already asleep. Dang, the woman had told her the truth. The minute she lied on the bed she instantly fell asleep...

Lena smiled and stared at the ceiling again...The gingerhead couldn't stop thinking about the upcoming expedition. Only 5 days were left. And practically all that time she was stuck in her office attending soldiers and doing paperwork. She barely saw the cadets in that time...Even the dinner and lunches they had in separate hours. Only when she had time to go outside to play a little they would come for her and spend the rest of the afternoon together.

Lena sighed...She would regret not spending time with them as she wanted...It made her want to slap herself. But what could she do? She already got her work late to spend time with them outside. Their training also didn't help...

The gingerhead tried falling asleep but her head was kept on those adorable kids and those amazing soldiers. Lena had been trouble sleeping since she had arrived on that place. Usually a cup of chamomile tea helped calming her down. Not being able to sleep sucked... Especially someone like Lena who just loved sleeping too much. Without schedules, she would just sleep all morning and wake at noon. Lena wondered if that was how Levi felt with his insomnia.

Dang why was she thinking about him again? 

"Jesus Christ..." Lena whispered to herself already annoyed, moving to another position. Why was her head always thinking about things? She wasn't an overthinker at all. But since her arrival to the Scout Regiment she couldn't help but thinking about all kinds of things...Her mind tried to remind her to think about positive ones. But without noticing, it went back again to the soldiers and the next expedition "It can't be help can it?"

Carefully as a feather, Lena got up from her bed, planning to drink more chamomile tea. The gingerhead was sick of turning around and around to find a proper position to sleep. She hated going to the cafeteria in the middle of the night, but she had no choice. She'd rather drink a cup and go straight to bed without waking anyone up than only sleep 4 hours.

Walking in the corridors of the Headquarters with her lamp, careful not to wake anybody, Lena tried not to step on any more things, the way she did the last time. Otherwise she knew the risk of bumping up at somebody or even bumping up to Captain Levi like the last time.

Said and done.

"SWEET MOTHER OF GOD!!!" Lena screamed, once she bumped at someone that was coming from the other side of the corridors

Lena let a gasp in frighten once she saw no other than the raven haired man. Covering up her mouth in complete shock, her eyes widened. Sometimes fate was completely confusing. He only stared at her, a bit shocked, but crossing his arms right after that sudden bump.

"What are you doing here, Captain Ice Cube...??" Lena whispered already annoyed and irritated by that little scare.

"Tch I ask you the same, big mouth" Levi replied sarcastically, even though still whispering.

"No, I ask you...! The sleeping schedules to your insomnia must be taken seriously...! Otherwise I am not resurrected Jesus Christ to do any miracle...!" Lena whispered with her eyes wide opened, still off guard by that bump. And it had to be Levi didn't it? Just Levi?

"Look. I did every shitty thing you told me to do. It didn't work. So I was going to the kitchen to fucking drink the milk" Levi whispered, annoyed as well for always bumping up in the redhead in the middle of the night.

"You didn't drink the- Ughh!! Oh my God you're stubborn as a mule...!!" Lena whispered in an angry tone, frowning her eyebrows.

"Yeah sure, I am the stubborn..." Levi said in a sigh "We never had fucking milk in the damn Scout Regiment did you expect me to remember? And you didn't answer my damn question"

"I-I...I...I couldn't sleep...! So I was going to the cafeteria to drink tea" Lena replied, crossing her arms and facing him with a confident expression.

"Tch if you're going to drink the tea I might as well go with you. To keep you from breaking something and waking everyone up like the last time" Levi looked at the side and Lena widened even more her eyes.

Captain Levi wanted to go drink tea with her? Was he out of his mind? He wanted to drink tea with the 'big mouth' as he always called her?

That was more rare than a Titan that didn't eat humans.

"W-Well...If you want, sir. At least it's better than drinking by yourself in the dark" Lena gave him a sweet smile. While she looked at him right in his eyes, who still looked so tired...

"Then what are you waiting for? Move your ass" Levi argued, while the gingerhead let a quiet chuckle and started walking still with her lamp on her hand.

Well... That was going to be a long night...

Chapter Text

"Hmm..." Lena mumbled while tasting the flavor of the warm milk in her mouth. Taking the mug from her face, she looked at the face of the raven haired man, who was drinking his smoothly "Thanks God I discovered warm milk is good for insomnia. I haven't drank this in ages, it helps you calming down even more than chamomile tea"

Lena and Levi were sitting in a small table at the cafeteria. After Levi had made the warm milk for the two of them, which surprised her, considering she didn't think of the Captain as the type to make food or drinks. But again, he did love tea and cleaning. He was actually good for a housewife now that Lena thought about it.

"Do you ever stop talking?" Levi asked bluntly in the same tired and sarcastic tone of voice "We have been here for 5 minutes and you still haven't stopped for a second. It's getting annoying"

"And do you ever stop being a Captain Ice Cube? It's getting annoying too" Lena asked rolling her big blue eyes and crossing her arms.

"Captain Ice Cube uh? I hope that shit doesn't stick around..." Levi sighed tired to the ceiling and supported his back with the chair.

"Yes, because you're as cold and tough as one"

"Now seriously have your parents ever stuck glue on your big mouth so you could shut the fuck up?" Levi joked while he took a gulp of the warm milk.

Lena looked down at her mug. She remembered so well how her mother would argue with her to talk more quiet and slower. And how her father would just tag it along... She remembered like it was yesterday and those feelings still remained...

"Not my father that's for sure, he loved talking. We used to talk a lot...But I bet my mother would've loved that idea" Lena tried to giggle, even if her expression wasn't with her usual bright. Levi noticed her sudden quietness and raised one of his eyebrows.

"Would've?" Levi asked, confused. When the gingerhead looked down again without a smile on her face he came to a realization "Oh...My bad... If I knew I would have never tease you about it..."

"It's okay, sir... You didn't know. I don't have it written in my forehead or anything like that..." Lena smiled with her eyes full of sorrow and longing as she looked at the mug full of warm milk.

"Is that the reason why you talk so much...? Because you used to talk a lot with your father?" Levi asked, still holding the mug. He didn't know much what to say in moments like that...Lena stared at him with her blue eyes not shining that bright...

"I guess it is... My mother was a woman of few words, everyone got a little scared by her bluntness and too much transparency. She often screamed at everyone who disagreed with her" Lena giggled with sorrow at the last sentence... She remembered so well her mother scaring people off while starting screaming and arguing.

"You got that from her that's for sure" Levi commented while resting his chin on his left thumb.

"Ah, always sweeter than honey, Captain..." Lena rolled her eyes again "My mother's bad temper ended up scaring people away, so she was usually by herself and didn't talk much to anyone...But my father..."

Lena's eyes were started to shine with nostalgia and an old happiness... Levi only appreciated the way her eyes shined when she talked about her parents...There was sorrow and longing he could tell. But there was a bright of old happiness that kept shining...

"My father was the complete opposite... Me and him used to have endless conversations at night... About everything. Nothing was a secret between us..." Lena smiled dreamily with her eyes sparkling with nostalgia "We talked about music, flowers, rainbows, he told me the stories of Jesus and his miracles, what was beyond he walls, about his love story with my mother...And there we stood talking all night long..."

Levi observed the way she talked about her father... He used to talk a lot with his mother too, before she died... He almost had forgotten the feeling... Just the last time he felt comfort and the last time he had someone, really.

He had actually... But then they died between Titan's teeth...

How could someone keep a talkative persona after that? Lena seemed to be opposite..

"But then he died and I stood with my mother, my siblings moved from Shingashina... " Lena continued looking at the mug with more sorrow. Her eyes were starting to form tears "And then Wall Maria fell and I went to the convent... Where no one had the patience to hear me... The minute I started talking they were already leaving the room. So I just talked with myself in hope that somebody would listen..."

Levi stared at her...She had lost her father and then her mother in the fall of Wall Maria...Now that was a rough story. His eyes widened even more when heavier tears started falling from her blue eyes...

Damn that woman, always getting him off guard...

"Gosh I'm sorry, sir... I know I'm a crybaby..." Lena cleaned her already heavier tears that fell through her cheeks. Taking a long sigh, she faced the raven haired man.

"You don't need to apologize... It's normal to feel that way..." Levi replied "I lost a lot of people too. I-.... The pain never goes away, but the only thing we need is to carry on and give a meaning to their death"

Levi didn't know what to say in a situation like that, so instead he kept impersonal and direct. The way he handled all the situations.

"I know...That's what I do every day in my life..." Lena took a long sigh and cleaned her already red eyes "My father used to always say 'fight hard, love deeply and dream big'. And that's what I do and what I'll always do..."

Levi looked deeply into her big blue shiny eyes...Erwin was right, it had a bright in them. Hope, and happiness but also...Sorrow and loneliness all mixed together.

"Your father seemed to a good man. And your mother too" He tried to say something about it. Though he wasn't really sure how to act in a moment like that...

"They were...The best people that I've ever knew..." Lena smiled at the mug. Then she lifted her eyes to meet with the Captain's.

"But you have family besides them, right? You said something about siblings" Levi commented with his same tired and emotionless voice.

"Yes, my older brother Peter, my older sister Louise and my nephews and nieces" Lena smiled kindly, remembering the last time she had gone visiting her siblings. Peter still was a bit mad for her working in the Scouts but Louise was very proud of her "Maybe you know my sister's husband, Herr Schmidt. He was a scout but he got injured on a mission and now he can't walk"

"Oh yeah, Officer Schmidt. I remember him. He retired a few time after I joined..." Levi replied while he took another gulp of his tea "Too bad... He was a good soldier. A noble and a selfless one"

"Yeah I really like him..." Lena said with her smiley figure "And... What about you Captain, do you have any family?"

Lena was curious about how Levi's parents were...Were they Ice Cubes like him? Levi looked down emotionless and Lena covered her mouth. She should've guessed he was not a person for sharing his personal life. That was an inconvenient question...

Why did she always have to ruin everything??

"I-I mean...! If you don't want to talk about it it's fine...! I get you don't open yourself to anyone you know. I'm so sorry..." Lena quickly said before he could argue or reply to her inconvenient and maybe too personal question.

"Well your guess was right...I don't know you that well" Levi replied, with his posture returning to his stoic self. Lena looked down...Just when she was starting to make him more at ease around her, she had to ruin everything "And you shouldn't open like that up to anyone you know either. Not everyone has good intentions"

"Captain I'm not naive. I know perfectly the people who I should trust and the people I shouldn't trust" Lena explained, already with a smile on her face.

The gingerhead could swear that Levi had nearly smiled the moment she said that.

"You're even more naive than I thought"

"No I'm not!"

"You are"

"With all the respect Captain, I am really not!

"You are...Trust me" Lena sighed in frustration...He wasn't going to let her win an argument "People know how to trick. They know how to manipulate and wear masks. They can seem the sweetest most lovey-dovey person on the walls. But deep down be a total son of a bitch"

"So what? You're saying that I'm some... Dumb and naive little girl?"

"Don't put words in my mouth, idiot. Being naive doesn't mean you're not intelligent. It only means you have a pure heart. And in the world we live in, that is not the smartest thing to have" Levi finished making his tea and Lena started to feel red on her cheeks.

Heart too good? Did Captain Levi really think that? She never imagined him saying something like that about her. Lena took a long sigh...The tension was starting to become heavier...

"And you ask why I call you Captain Ice Cube..." Lena said quietly, crossing her arms "You can't either sink or swim. You can't open up to the first person you met but you can't keep your emotions all to yourself as well. Otherwise you'll get fatter than a turkey in the Christmas eve...Just instead of corn, you'll have your belly full of pain...And suffering...And sorrow.."

"Tch your point is...?"

"I'm just trying to say that you shouldn't restrain yourself so much. Your squad for example! They admire you so much and care so much about you...Don't you think you could show that you care about them as well?" Lena asked. Levi looked down.

"Then I guess I finally discovered the only thing we have in common" Levi replied, facing his gaze towards Lena's.

"And don't you dare changing the subject you-!!"

"That we both care so much...Too much. For everyone..." Levi replied, leaving Lena speechless.

Levi actually cared about people... And not only his comrades... About everyone... Just like her... How could she ever thought that he didn't care for anything?

He simply didn't show it... Because he could get hurt and they didn't get too attached. Like a defense mechanism... Levi had a heart of gold. But he tried to hide his true emotions because of years seeing people right in front of him...

"Then show them, Captain..." Lena whispered and put her hands in his and looked at him with a compassionate look "Before it's too late..."

Again caught off guard, Levi looked deeply into her eyes with a confused expression. His eyes met hers and they could feel the same explosion on their chests, that it always happened when their gazes met... Lena started to feel butterflies on her belly and a squeeze on her heart. Just analyzing Levi's features...His cold eyes, pale skin and the dark as the night hair that feel through his eyebrows. His hypnotic and piercing gaze that looked deeply into her eyes seemed to devour her soul...

More butterflies...

A deep shade of red started appearing on her freckled cheeks

More butterflies...

Suddenly, she started feeling difficult to breath... Feeling like something was stuck on her lungs and throat...

Levi, on the other hand, was feeling hypnotized by the sky on her eyes... That woman was from a simplicity and a pureness that made him want to lock her in a tower so nobody took that innocence away...

Levi also felt a squeeze on his chest... Like if he was being stabbed on his heart...

At that moment was like nothing else existed... No Titans, no humanity, no scouts... Just the two of them looking at each other's eyes... For the first time in years, he was feeling... Comfort? That someone was actually there and would be there...

What was he thinking?

"Lena..." Levi whispered and the gingerhead was almost closing her eyes. He removed his hand from hers and quickly pulled himself together "I've drank my milk. I'm going to bed. Goodnight"

Levi got up from the chair quickly, not even facing her. Lena followed him with her head, also pulling herself together...Seeing the raven haired leaving the room.

What had been that? What on the walls was that sensation? Was she lusting over him? No... That wasn't it... Yes, Levi was handsome but it was not his appearance that made her feel butterflies... Even with his tired eyes and stoic expression. Sure, he wasn't any prince, but he had the appearance and the heart of one...

The gingerhead started breathing heavily to that thought. What was that feeling? What was she feeling? If it was only lust, she would pray twice before sleeping... She couldn't be distracted from the duty by those thoughts... That wasn't what God wanted from her.

"Goodnight..." Lena whispered, even though Levi had already gone.

At least he almost smiled...

__________________________

In the next day, by Lena's surprise, Levi had shown up again to drink warm milk and talk at night. The gingerhead didn't believe it first, thinking that maybe he was being sarcastic to make fun of her as he usually did. But it turns out that Levi was genuinely getting better from his insomnia and that warm milk and conversations were actually helping him. Lena felt like she was going to smile for the entire world. Knowing that she had actually done a good job and actually helped Levi. She felt amazing knowing that he was getting better...

Of course Levi confessing that to her took maybe around an hour when Lena ran to him after morning training to ask if he was sleeping better. And you can't imagine how long it took to him to admit that it had worked and that he actually thought that those conversations helped him as well. And he might or might not have indirectly said that he wanted to continue those late talks accompanied by the warm milk at night.

And there they stood...Sharing conversations that didn't seem to end. With Lena being the enthusiastic and maybe too straight forward person she always was and Levi replying with insults and sarcasm. And surprisingly, they seemed to understand each other just fine. Who would've guess that those two people that were completely different from each other seemed to get so much along.

"You got married at 10? That is so ridiculous..." Levi commented and Lena could only laugh. She knew Levi was going 3 answer something like that. They were both sitting in one of the tables of the cafeteria, drinking the warm milk like they usually did. "You were a weirdo even in that time..."

"Don't you dare giving me that look, Captain Ice Cube! He was my first love!! First loves are like that!!" Lena smiled and giggled dreamily. Just like a hopeful child. Levi said, even though he maintained a serious and stoic posture that he always had.

"You're pathetic..."

"Pathetic?? It's so adorable!!"

"So you haven't been with anyone since that brat went away?" Levi asked with his hand supporting his chin, looking uninterested, even if he was actually curious about that.

He didn't exactly knew why...

But he was.

"Oh I had many... But it was nothing serious, we were just teenagers by that time. Only those awkward kisses, dancing and singing" Lena laughed, as she remembered her loves throughout her teenage years.

For some reason, picturing a gross image of a 13 year old Lena with even frizzier hair with a brat with a stupid smirk on his face made him a little uncomfortable and annoyed...

"Tch you sure you were a big flirt" Levi rolled his eyes, trying to get that annoying picture from his mind.

"I am nothing like a flirt! I just fall in love easily" Lena chuckled, looking at the raven haired man's clearly annoyed expression

"You must have really tricked those heads to make them want anything to with you"

"For your information, all of them were gentlemen, unlike you" Lena rolled her eyes. As she watched Levi's irritated face, she decided to tease him a little more with that subject "The one I liked the most was a boy named Bill, a guitarrist I met when I sang at the tavern. God, he was so fun!! He was an amazing singer and dancer. I sang and he played and we danced all night long... And he also was so handsome-"

"You already said too much, big mouth I only asked you a question of yes or no" Levi replied annoyed by what the gingerhead was saying. Not that he cared, he just thought it was gross picturing those teenage years "Why didn't you choose to be with them one of them, then?"

It was Levi's surprise when Lena started to sad her expression a little bit. Levi got tense. He didn't really know what to say when he touched sensitive topics of her life. He hated it because he never knew what to say or to do.

"Well... We all went separate ways. After my 15 years old my father died and I had to take care of my mother. I just didn't have the time or the head.... Besides, nobody else caught my attention... " Lena smiled dreamily to her cup of milk instead, making Levi look at her with curiosity. Her big blue eyes were shining brightly again...That bright that seemed to lighten everything they touched "But I do miss being in love... It just seems like everything is far easier... Like every problem is not that bad, or even the greatest pain is easier to surpass..."

"Tch yeah it must be really that simple..." Levi replied sarcastically, which made Lena frown her eyebrows in confusion "Love, relationships just get in the way of the true duty... Every feeling and emotion do...It's a waste of time... "

"Sir, you talk like you've never been in love before" Lena smiled in a playful tone, and Levi only looked at her without saying anything. Then, everything came into a realization. Lena closed her expression and widened widely her eyes. She couldn't believe that was really what she was thinking "Wait... Don't tell me you never fell in love..."

"No, I haven't and why should I? It's only a distraction...It makes you weak, vulnerable... There's no place for that in the world we live in..." Levi replied harshly and the gingerhead went shocked. She knew Levi was harsh but she never guessed he would be such an anti-romantic.

"But Lev- I mean Captain...Love is something amazingly wonderful... " Lena smiled dreamily again with her eyes shining more than ever. Levi only appreciated the way her eyes shined when she talked about that subject "You just feel like... Like you can do anything. Kinda like flying on your maneuver things... It gives you butterflies, yet you feel so secure... It scares you, and it's so frightening but the happiness you feel... It's just indescribable...You just feel like you can conquer the whole world..."

Lena sounded like a dreamy child talking about her favorite toy...He only looked at her shiny blue as the sky eyes and dreamily smile on her thin lips...How could someone still think like that in the world they lived in? That woman messed too much with his head.

"Well, I don't need to conquer the world or doing all those things" Levi replied and took another gulp from his cup of warm milk. He then, continued looking down "Emotions are too...Complicated"

"By complicated, you mean you can't control them..." Lena replied with a playful smile, already understanding the whole picture.

"Well, if you put it in those words..." He continued looking uninterested and Lena just laughed. The little she knew about Levi she already knew he was a completely control freak. She finally understood why he couldn't stand her. Even in that they were completely different from each other.

"But Captain that's the most amazing thing about love" There she was again with the bright in her eyes and dreamy smile..."You can't choose, no one gives you any choice... You either fall or fall... No one can explain it... It just happens... Even the most different people in the world can fall in love and no one is able to explain how, because that's how love is... I know it's very scary... But it's worth every scare in the world..."

"Quit being a hopeless romantic..." Levi replied playfully, although with the same emotionless voice "Now answer me this... Why would I waste my time being with someone if I can die at any moment?"

"That's just it, sir!" Lena replied laughing "You don't know how much life you have ahead of you...Why wouldn't you want spend the most time you can with the person you love?"

Levi only stared at her... He had never thought about that... His priority was always to survive, to fight for Humanity. How could he ever think about silly things like true love? He grew up on the streets with only the love of his mother until a young age. His whole life had been about survival... The minute he left the underground, his friends had died... How was he supposed to think about those things? He didn't care if he died, he didn't care to live his life to the fullest.

Why would he? If life had already taken him so many things away from him? There was no point in living a life that he wasn't meant to live from the start.

But Lena was different... 

She had a completely different view of life than him. And it surprised him, because she had already lost many people who were important to her as well... Yet she remained her love for life and joy. He asked himself how could she do it... Using religion and music as an escape perhaps? Levi want sure... But something told him that he wanted to know more about her and the way she faced life. It was so different from him, curious and... Quite good. Hearing her talking about love with those dreamy eyes... It made him feel like locking that woman in a room, not letting anyone take her innocence and purity.

"Tch whatever you say, big mouth..." Levi got up from the chair and Lena followed him with her eyes. Levi, however noticed that she hadn't still drank her warm milk. It was maybe in the half of the cup "You know instead of you talking like a chicken without stop maybe you should hurry up and drink your milk. You might be punished if someone sees you in here"

"Worse than my punishments in the convent I really doubt it would be" Lena joked "Whenever I did something bad the superior sisters made me kiss the floor"

Suddenly, Levi became really pale and his eyes got darker. His expression went from a stoic one to a nearly shocked... Lena started to panic a little bit. Had he seen something bad? Was it a rat or a bit of dust on the ground?

"Uhm...Captain?? Is everything okay? Are you flipping out??" Lena asked with worry on her voice and eyes.

"The sisters in your convent...Made you kiss the floor...?"

Oops...Perhaps it was a bad idea to tell him that story...

Chapter Text

The expedition within Wall Maria would be in 2 days and Lena found herself even with more trouble to sleep. She started even having nightmares about the fall of Shingashina. The gingerhead didn't have those in a long time....Even though the warm milk and the conversations with Levi helped her, she often woke up in the middle of the night in a complete frighten because of that... Would that hell ever stop?

The nurses and even the soldiers noticed her lack of enthusiasm and joy. Even if she was always with a smile on her face, the massive change was something obvious to everyone. The nurses tried to understand what was going on but Lena restrained it away. She simply didn't want to talk about it because she knew it was going to be worse... And they had already a lot to think about. They didn't need some cry baby nurse whining across the corridors.

"Big mouth..."

But just thinking about those poor kids and amazing soldiers going out to an expedition where they might or might had not come back... It made a squeeze on her heart and felt like throwing up.

"Big mouth...!"

Just thinking about Eren and her sugarplums...

Just thinking about Petra, Gunther, Eld, Oluo, Hange and Moblit...

"Big mouth....!!

Just thinking about Levi....

"For fuck's sake, Lena!!"

Suddenly, the gingerhead got away of her overthinking state, her eyes widened as she understood where she was.

She was with Levi as always, drinking the usual warm milk. The Captain was looking at her with concerned eyes, frowning both of his eyebrows in suspicion. Lena looked down, feeling the heat rising on her freckled cheeks.

"What? What is it, Captain?" Lena asked, her voice sounding weak and tired. She was sure she was going to hear a lecture from the Squad Captain and that wasn't good.

"What is it? I've been calling your name for 5 minutes. What the hell is going with you?" Levi asked with an angry tone. Lena gained courage to look at him and his eyes widened. She was really pale and her gaze was dark...She looked like she was losing her usual light...

"Nothing is going on with me, Captain. I'm fine as a fiddle. Fresh as a new morning. Happy as the su-"

"Stop with your damn comparisons" Levi stated firmly, while he looked at the gingerhead. She felt shivers because of his gaze.... "You really thought nobody would notice your sudden change? You're always such a hurricane and now you're lamer than a race of snails"

"W-Wow Captain, now you kind of sounded like me" Lena smiled kindly at the raven haired man. Her always gentle and fragile smile as glass always made him feel a squeeze on his stomach. Like he was being stabbed right in his chest...

"Don't change the subject, big mouth. Spill it out" Levi asked, blunt and direct as he always was. Lena sighed...

She never really unburden with anyone. She always kept her emotions to herself. The gingerhead believed she was annoying someone when she talked about her feelings.... Maybe that was due to years in the convent with the grouchy nuns that didn't have any patience to hear her...Lena wasn't sure. But she knew Levi wouldn't leave her alone if she didn't tell him what was going on with her. The change was clear as glass. Even a blind could see the gingerhead's sudden change of behavior. And maybe deep inside Levi also knew what was going on.

Slowly, Lena sighed and looked at the mug full of milk one more time. She didn't have a choice in the matter...

"I...Do...Do you ever feel like...Like you're just powerless? Like something that's greater than you and you know you just can't control, but you can't help being desperate about it?" Lena tried to put her uncertainties into a coherent sentence. It felt weird unburdening with Levi...She didn't think he was the type to even understand her emotions. But again...He said that a thing he had in common with her was that they both cared too much for everybody.

Levi stared at her, never once the gingerhead dared to look at him in the eyes. While the raven haired man tried to put her words in his head. He understood what she was trying to say, and he was almost sure of what she was talking about. How could it be more obvious? But that damn women needed to control her emotions.

The Captain understood what Lena was feeling. Maybe too much. Maybe much more than what he wanted. But it didn't change the fact that he did. Hell, if there was a feeling he understood was that feeling. And after so many years in the Scout Regiment he'd be damned if he hadn't learned to control that helpless and powerless sensation. He had watched too many of his close friends dying between Titans' teeth. And Lena had too as well. But he knew how to control them and how to hide them. Maybe that wasn't the healthiest solution. But that world was already sick. And that was what he needed to show her.

"I know that feeling..." Levi simply answered, taking a gulp of his warm milk. Lena finally gained courage to look at him in the eyes. Their gazes met again and created the same explosion it happened whenever their eyes met...The gingerhead bit her lip, trying really hard not to look at his lips and collarbones... "You have no idea how many times I've felt that way...You just feel like an useless piece of shit...And it consumes you every day and every night..."

The two adults looked at each others eyes and they seemed to see perfectly what each other was feeling...The pain that each other had passed, the guilt that they felt everyday, the fear, the demons chasing after them. They did have more in common than they thought...

"It must be so hard...Watching your comrades-" Lena covered her mouth with her hand as she felt the heaviest tears she ever felt falling down her blue as the sky eyes...

"The pain is never really gone... But you need to learn to live with it. You should know that better than anyone else" Levi stated, bluntly and putting back again his stoic posture. Suddenly, he looked deeply into her eyes with a petrifying gaze that made Lena freeze "If can't handle your emotions properly, go back to where you came from"

Lena gulped and tried to clean her tears. What Levi was saying wasn't any new to her. She always kept telling that to herself. But coming from him felt different... He was always so sure of himself and so decided. It was true her head turned around and around but that coming from Levi made her feel more sure in that subject.

"You're right, Captain...Look at me! Here I am crying over things that didn't even happen yet..." Lena put her hand on her forehead in embarrassment.

Levi almost felt like smiling. Almost.

"Damn it I know I'm right and you're ridiculous. Just finish your milk, pull yourself together and go to sleep" Levi continued bluntly and Lena let some giggles.

"Alright! You don't have to talk like that, I'm finishing my milk, Captain Ice Cube..." Lena took a gulp of the mug with the warm liquid. It felt good that warmth... She hadn't felt that warm in a long time...

Then, she took a look at Levi, who was getting up from his chair...

Always so distant...Always so serious...But how was he the only one who made her feel better and sure about herself? He was such a mystery to her... She wanted to dissolve that mystery....

"C-Captain..." She asked a little hesitant. Levi looked at her with the same cold, yet shining eyes.

"What now?" He replied sighing...

"Thank you..." The captain made a confused, and maybe a little shocked expression "Thank you for spending these nights talking to me... For having patience to hear me, especially at these hours of the night. Hearing my ridiculous stories, and my silly emotions...Thank you... "

Levi opened widely his lonely and sad eyes, feeling the same knife on his chest and looked at the being coming from heaven standing right in front of him...

Lena's face looked like a work painted by hand with oil paints on a canvas. The ranging fire of the lamp made a contrast with the sweetness and serenity of the moonlight. Making a hurricane on the gingerhead's soft face, leaving her eyes with a shade of green because of the orange tonality but her skin silky and brilliant with the white, clear and angelic light

An almost perfect representation of how that unusual woman was. Motherly and docile, even though agitated and wild as fire. And all of that went together on her face. Making her who she was....

The same gentle and selfless smile in her thin lips, and the sky down her thick eyebrows looked at him with the same gaze that always faced Levi... Eyes of compassion, of humanity and goodness... Although, also of solitude, sorrow and melancholy....

And of course, her hair....

Her hair of the color of the wildest fire, fell upon her shoulders until the middle of her back. With beautiful and soft, even though frizzy curls, already dry since the last washing. Also falling on his face little orange tornadoes, above her thick and always so expressing eyebrows, above her long lashes and ended before the little stars on his cheeks and nose.

And her freckles... How was it possible not to talk about her freckles. A little detail that made that so perfectly imperfect woman even more of true self. She was herself with her freckles...

Now Levi understood why the other soldiers called her a saint...

"You don't need to thank me..." Levi answered, as he went back to the cold and cruel reality. He left behind of his mind Lena's angelic figure and went back to the world he had always known. A world of evil, cruelty and despair. Despite being a short trip, at least he had met a little part of the after world...At least if any after world existed. Levi was never a religious man. He had never even considered the possibility of a all good omnipotent being existing. With his suffered life and in the world they lived in, really doubted the existence of some 'God'. But, if there really was a heaven and a hell, he was no doubt that Lena would be both.

Levi left quickly the cafeteria and closed the door in a rapid second. Finally away from that agonizing room, ran his fingers across his hair, dark as the night, breathing heavily with a more desperate look...

He had to stop that madness....

What he most feared of happening, happened. He had bounded with Lena. A part of him knew it was going to happen, but he chose not listening to himself. Which was something rare of his. He had no idea what he was thinking spending all those nights with the gingerhead....But damn, it was stronger than him. Like a cigarette needing to be smoke, alcohol needing to be drank or a room needed to be clean. He felt weak and helpless. Humanity's Strongest Soldier weak, it was almost ironic.

Levi took a long sigh and started walking between corridors to his room, millions of regrets flying through his mind.

Lena was preparing to go to her room as well. She thought about her moments with Levi... Thinking about his sad and lonely eyes that looked at hers with a warm and cozy indifference... His eyes weren't so cutting anymore, but they continued mysterious, cold and piercing... That hypnotized her soul...

The gingerhead asked herself in how someone so serious as Levi could even enjoy spending time with a mere clumsy and talkative nurse. But at the same time, she thanked heavens he did... Even if that Captain was cold as ice and closed as the windows of a prison, he had the patience to deal with someone like Lena. To deal with her crazy things and silly stories left her with a warmth on her heart. She had no idea how much she needed to talk with someone after all those years...

And even if Levi refused to open up at her, she knew he would do it whenever he was ready. And she would respect his privacy and his feelings

Deep down, however, she couldn't deny that that Captain captivated her in an extraordinary way. And that she wanted to know more about whatever made him hide behind that wall of ice and mystery....

...

There she was walking through those stoned and solitary corridors once again...Looking for the cafeteria to have dinner. And somehow not remembering where it was once again...

It almost recalled her of the times when she was a novice. Walking from corridor to corridor, from hallway to hallway. And somehow never getting tired of it.

It made her missed her convent, her home...Lena wondered how her sisters were. Had a new clumsy novice entered who ruined the patience of sister Lillianne? What about Mother Superior, who was always so nice to her? Who welcomed her in that home, even it wasn't enough...

"May God protect them..." Lena whispered to herself, holding her hands together.

Already in the cafeteria, with her tray in her hands, she saw Eren, Armin and Mikasa from a distance.

Her sugarplums were so joyful, talking about the future, happy and hopeful with their never ending friendship.

Only looking at them made her chest hurt...She asked herself how much long their happiness and hope would last...

"Uh-Hey Lena!" A voice called her.

The gingerhead turned her back and came across with the smiling face of Petra, also standing with her tray. Beside her, there was also the rest of Levi Squad. Günther, Eld and Oruo. With trays in their hands, they smiled kindly and welcoming to Lena. Except Oruo, who was standing like he was trying to be mysterious.

She smiled...

"Good evening, guys! How are you?? I heard you've been training your bodies up!" Lena asked, always enthusiastic and joyful.

"Well damn right we are. More than prepared to fight those shitty Titans" Oruo answered proud and with a clear fake arrogance. Lena sighed...Petra had already told him that Oruo was always trying to imitate Captain Levi. It was pretty funny but also low-key embarrassing...

"Oruo...What have I told you about trying to imitate Captain Levi? You're only making a fool of yourself" Petra protested, looking at Oruo with an irritated look.

"And what have I told you about you treating me like a wife, Petra?" Oruo laughed, coming closer to Petra in a suspicious way. Lena could only laugh of that wholesome 'couple'.

"Petra is right Oruo! You're no Ice Cube like Captain Levi is so you don't even have to try to imitate him!! You're perfect the way you are!" The gingerhead replied, still laughing confidently of what she was saying. That resulted in laughs from the other soldiers, expect Oruo of course, who just rolled his eyes blushing from head to toes.

"I couldn't have said better myself, Lena. So would you give us the pleasure of having dinner with us?" Eld asked, while putting himself in front of Lena.

"Thank you so much, Eld! But I'm going to have dinner with my sugarplums tonight. I'm not with them for a very long time. Work has been filling my head" The gingerhead complained, sighing and rolling her big blue eyes. Just after that, she got closer to the group of soldiers an whispered "Don't tell them I called them sugarplums, they don't like it"

"Do not worry" Günther said with a smirk.

"See you tomorrow! We count on you to heal our wounds!" Petra smiled with the other soldier.

"See you tomorrow! I'm counting on it!" Lena smiled back and started walking towards her childhood friends' table

She was also afraid for Petra, Günther, Oruo and Eld...They were extraordinary soldiers and people...She knew that if someone could protect Eren it would be them. And that they were going to arrive home safe and sound...

But the freckled cheeks didn't stop having an irrational fear. A tightness that didn't leave her chest. Lena tried to keep herself positive, it was the only thing that stopped her from going crazy. Thinking that she was was going to see them again, even with a few wounds, walking towards the headquarters saying 'Fortunately everything went okay'. With Oruo imitating Levi as usual and Petra complaining about that. She would take care of her wounds and all of the other soldiers as well.

Lena smiled...Yes, that was what was going to happen. She was sure of that. She only needed to keep praying and thinking positive.

"Hello my sugarplum!!" Lena smiled to the three teenagers. With her big blue eyes not shining as usual, but with an exciting and sweet smile to hide the lack of bright of her gaze. What she always did...Hiding the fear in her eyes with joy on her smile.

"Hi, Lena!" They answered at the same time, while eating their dinner.

"Finally we have dinner together again huh?" Armin asked, his beautiful blue eyes shining with the vision of his friends together...

"You're right as always, Armin. I've been working more than a carpenter ant...!!" Lena answered, taking a bite of her potato. She then took a good look at them...

They were all wet, Lena guesses they had taken a bath earlier. Even if they looked happy and hopeful, their postures screamed tiredness. Those three teenagers probably trained until they were on the ground...The gingerhead's eyes shined a happy sorrow....They had worked even harder than her. That was easy to think, after all they were soldiers. She was always complaining about her work and how she didn't have almost any time to rest and there they were working until they couldn't walk properly.

It made her feel ungrateful...

"Don't even mention it...There are days that it hurts even walking, damn it" Eren complained, frowning his eyes, also taking a bite of the bread in front of him "It better be worth every effort we put in..."

"Of course it will, Eren! Look at you, you were a thin as a stick and now you're all buff!" Lena teased the brown haired boy and a deep shade of red appeared on his cheeks while his eyes widened. The gingerhead loved to tease and make fun of him...He had such defensive and funny reactions.

"K-Keep your comments to yourself will you??" Eren answered completely embarrassed. Mikasa giggled, knowing that Lena only did that to make fun of him. Armin, however only sighed smiling...

"What, you don't think I'm only talking about you do you? Armin and Mikasa are all strong as well! Remind me not to ever mess with you, I wouldn't even have time to think!" Lena laughed, both Armin and Mikasa smiling along with her.

"Even if you did, we wouldn't hit you, Lena. Only if you showed a sign of any threat for us" Mikasa smiled smoothly, although that reply made Lena a little bit intimidated. Mikasa scared her a little bit now that she was all tall and strong.

"Yeah! So you better not commenting around stupid things again!" Eren replied angrily still with his cheeks full of red.

"Your ears are red, that means your lying...Oh, Eren, you wouldn't even dare to raise a finger at me!" Lena continued teasing him as she squeeze his cheek in a caring way.

"H-Hey!! Stop that I'm warning you!!!"

Lena smiled sadly into her other friends....

Being there the three of them together just like in the old days in Shingashina...A deep nostalgia filled her chest and sucked her soul. She reminded herself to always value and treasure those moments. Because who knew how long it would last? Just thinking about it made her feel so scared and helpless...But as she took a look at their smiling faces, those insecurities seemed to calm down a bit.

They were so strong, they weren't going to die in vain. She was sure of it.

"May I have your attention, please!!!! A voice called, making Lena and Eren look front, and Armin and Mikasa turned around to see who it was.

In the center of the cafeteria, Commander Erwin Smith was standing proudly and imposing. With a straight back, eyes looking around all the soldiers. With a stoic and majestic posture that screamed leadership.

Lena frowned her thick dark orange eyebrows...What would the Commander say?

"As you may know, tomorrow is going to be another expedition day! Another battle in which you, brave and dedicated soldiers will fight in and may or may not survive! Even with that uncertainty, you have chosen to give your hearts for Humanity and I'm eternally grateful for you! However, these are different times. The world is becoming smaller day after day! And we now have a new weapon that was given to us" Every table started to look at Eren. A tear of sweat fell upon his face as he felt the gazes directed right at him "If it was God, fate or simply luck, we are not sure. But we are sure that it will be a great help for us to finally progress in creating a new, fairer and more human world! And not just a world for some giant creatures that want to destroy it!! Let this meal be the first to happier and more hopeful meals in the future!!

The soldiers all cheered, raising their beer and water cups in the air. Lena smiled kindly at the blonde man...Always so hopeful, honest and true...That was Erwin Smith, the Commander of the Scout Regiment.

Subtly, Lena took a glance at Levi, who was in the other side of the cafeteria. He looked at Erwin with admiring eyes, that were still so mysterious to her...She drowned in his facial expressions, her eyes following from his dark as the night hair to his lips....Making her cheeks heat and suddenly realizing what she was doing.

God, stop it Lena...

Her heart started to beat even faster, when she saw Levi staring at her as well...Even from different points of the room, their eyes had still the same explosive impact on each other...They studies each others' features, not saying a word. Even if, to make the tension go away, the gingerhead decided to smile. Burning from her forehead to her chin, Levi looked at the side doing what she could almost hear a tch

He's never going to change is he?

Her daydreaming suddenly stopped when she saw the crazy scientist getting up from next to Levi. Was Hange going to give an inspirational speech too...?

"Oh by the way! I have a suggestion to make!" the brunette said, also capturing everyone's attention "All of the other Military branches have some sort of entertaining!! Why don't we have one as well?? Why don't somebody go front and sing?? It can give us some motivation to the next expedition!"

The soldiers started to whisper to themselves and Lena frowned her eyebrows...She seemed to understand what Hange was meaning with that, but at the same time she had her doubts.

Suddenly, all the doubts disappeared when she saw all the soldiers looking at her...Her cheeks started to burn even more and her heart started beating even faster

Wait, what??

"Hey Lena! Why don't you go sing in there?" Armin asked with a smile on his face.

"WHAT? You guys must be flipping out! I-It's been a lot of time since I sang for this many people!!!" Lena replied loudly as her face became the same nervous wreck as always.

"Ohh come on...As a repayment for teasing me earlier" This time, it was Eren's time to tease her. Lena felt even more embarrassed.

"Everyone wants to hear you sing" Mikasa said.

Her heart never seemed to stopped beating, as she looked at Levi, who was also glancing at her. He gave her a curious and challenging look, that made her chest even tighten but it filled her with a different courage and determination.

His eyes said 'Go on...I bet you can't do it...'

Lena frowned her eyebrows at him and stood up from her place with a stoic posture.

"Alright! I'm going to do it!!!!" The gingerhead exclaimed excitedly and the soldiers started cheering for her.

"Uhhh! Go Lena!!!" Petra shouted as the freckled cheeks walked to the left side of the cafeteria.

In the left side, she was right in front of all the soldiers. So they could see her better (after all she was a small woman) she stood up in a wood box.

"The first song I will sing is a popular song, I'm sure that almost of all know it! The Lonely Goatherd!"

Levi observed her every move...

His eyes glanced her body up and down. His eyes were stuck on her...He knew that if he challenged her she was going to say yes.

That woman

Lena coughed and sang little melodies to herself so she could tune her voice...

(click the link and listen to the song :)))

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_6ioe2PQIA

"High on a hill was a lonely goatherd
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo
Loud was the voice of the lonely goatherd
Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo

Folks in a town that was quite remote heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo
Lusty and clear from the goatherd's throat heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo

O ho lay dee odl lee o, o ho lay dee odl ay
O ho lay dee odl lee o, lay dee odl lee o lay" The soldiers started singing along with her as they looked at Lena with funny eyes.

"A prince on the bridge of a castle moat heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo
Men on a road with a load to tote heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo

Men in the midst of a table d'hote heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo
Men drinking beer with the foam afloat heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo

One little girl in a pale pink coat heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo
She yodeled back to the lonely goatherd
Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo

Soon her Mama with a gleaming gloat heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo
What a duet for a girl and goatherd
Maria and the Children:
Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo"

At the instrumental part, Lena started to clap her hands with a big smile on her face. The soldiers clapped their hands along with her. Lena danced, lifted the edges of her long light brown dress, spinning around with the biggest smile anyone had ever seen.

Ummm (ummm)
Odl lay ee (odl lay ee)
Odl lay hee hee (odl lay hee hee)
Odl lay ee
Yodeling

One little girl in a pale pink coat heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hoo hoo
She yodeled back to the lonely goatherd
Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo

Soon her Mama with a gleaming gloat heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hmm hmm
What a duet for a girl and goatherd
Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo

Happy are they lay dee olay dee lee o
Yodeling
Soon the duet will become a trio
Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo

Odl lay ee, old lay ee
Odl lay hee hee, odl lay ee
Odl lay odl lay, odl lay odl lee, odl lay odl lee
Odl lay odl lay odl layHoo!"

Lena stopped in with a great step on the ground , all sweaty and with a big smile on her freckled face....She had never sang to so many people and it actually felt good....

Bowing in thankfulness, she turned her eyes subtly at Levi while all the soldiers clapped. He had the same serious and stoic expression... But something about his eyes was different....

Were they shining more? Maybe... Or maybe it was all in her head.

"We want another!!! To give us luck!!!" A soldier shouted from one of the tables.

"Another??" Lena laughed loudly "Alright ... I'm going to sing a song that the my Reverend Mother used to sing in the convent a lot... Whenever we doubted something or an adventure was ahead of us.... Kind of what you'll be going through tomorrow.

(click the link and listen to the song :))

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIFIQvRdgCQ

"Climb every mountain
Search high and low
Follow every highway
Every path you know

Ooh, yeah

Climb every mountain
Ford every stream
Follow every rainbow
'Till you find your dream

A dream that will need
All the love you can give
Every day of your life
For as long as you live

Climb every mountain
Ford every stream
Follow every rainbow
'Till you find your place

Climb every mountain
Ford every stream
Follow every mountain (every mountain)
Don't you ever give up, no ohh
Climb every mountain (every mountain)
There's a brighter day on the other side
Follow every rainbow
'Till you find your dream"

Lena stopped singing. It even sounded like she had a choir of angels singing next to her. For some reason no one knew, but it was just like she had a choir next to her. Every soldiers looked at the gingerhead with sparkling eyes...The way she sang transmitted light, hope, peace, that none of them could properly describe...

But from all of them, Levi was the one who looked the most awe of her....He knew Lena had a beautiful voice (he himself heard singing almost everyday from his office). But he would never guessed that she could sound that angelic and imposing....

Lena looked like she was taken straight from heaven...

It even sounded like she had a choir of angels singing along with her. He wondered how could someone so fiery could portrait such peace. She was a hurricane, always breaking things, always messing things up, always stressing out, always shouting, always running....

But there was something about the gingerhead... A strange peace that Levi felt whenever their gazes met but what it also seemed a big explosion...

Lena was imperfect. Long disheveled and dry orange curls, freckles all along her face, but mostly her nose and cheeks, small nose and tiny lips. Her eyebrows were thick and badly arranged, a darker orange than her hair. Her body even was far from perfect. Her thighs were thick, but she wasn't very fat. Maybe could be described as a little chubby.

How could something that imperfect could look like something from heaven?

Chapter Text

After dinner, Lena returned to her bedroom. Judy was already asleep, it had been a tired day... Full of work, stress and fear of what the upcoming expedition would bring. The gingerhead was saying to herself that it was going to be okay. That they were going to be okay....

But that same dark feeling didn't leave her chest...

Her blue eyes left the book she was reading lied on her bed with her head resting in the wall and looked down at the rosary on her neck. A long sigh escaped from her thin lips...

God would be with them... He would not abandon them...

Closing her book and putting it in the bedside table, where it was her lamp, Lena got up from the bed and took the rosary from her neck. The gingerhead knelt on the ground, in front of the window that reflected the moonlight on her face...

There was that peace... That peace that only God could provide her...

Lena held the rosary tightly on her hand and let heavy tears fall across her cheeks. She closed her eyes, focusing her attention only in that moment...

"Our Lord, I beg you... Please protect those brave soldiers in the expedition tomorrow...They are not ready to enter in your kingdom yet... They have so many life yet to live...Protect my dear Eren who just discovered his new power. God bless him... God bless my little sugarplums and their friends. God bless Commander Erwin. God bless Commander Hange... God bless all of the other soldiers and please.... " Lena stopped for a moment, as she pictured Levi talking to her at those hours of the night. Her heart raced at the thought as she breathed heavily, still with the tears falling "And God bless Captain Levi... That poor man has probably suffered so much, he doesn't deserve to suffer no more... I beg you my Lord, protect him with all you can...In the name of the father, of the son and of the holy spirit. Amen... "

Lena closed her eyes again, holding the rosary even more tightly. Tears were falling and falling towards her freckled cheeks... As she let all the pain and fear out, it started to be replaced with peace and hope... Very slowly, but it was...

The gingerhead started slowly praying the rosary... As in a hope that God could hear better her prayers. Also, because she had lost her habit of praying the rosary. And it was a thing she didn't have much patience to do because it took a long time. But she needed to...It was what God wanted her to do...

As Lena was praying, Judy suddenly woke up. The middle aged woman rubbed her eyes and saw the silhouette of the freckled cheeks knelt on the ground. Despite praying quietly, Judy could understand what she was doing in the moonlight.

The nurse gave her a smile and closed her eyes again, only listening to Lena's prayers as it passed a while, and a while...

"Hail Mary,

Full of Grace, 
The Lord is with thee. 
Blessed art thou among women, 
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus. 
Holy Mary, 
Mother of God, 
pray for us sinners now, 
and at the hour of our death.

Amen..." Lena prayed with devotion, her eyes closed and her hands holding the last one of the prayers.

She blessed herself and slowly got up from the ground. Her knees hurt. She couldn't remember the last time she had stood that long on the ground. The gingerhead wasn't used to it yet...

Yet, Lena barely even noticed her hurting knees. The peace she was feeling at that moment was indescribable... It made her wonder for a fraction of second why she left the convent... Religion was such a big part of her. It was something rather different, nothing could ever compare to the peace and the warm on her chest she felt when after praying...

God and all the saints would be with the soldiers... At least she hoped they could protect them...

... 
A long night had passed, and it was now the day of the truth.

All of the Scout Regiment soldiers were standing on their horses, right in front of the big gate that led to Wall Maria....

Everyone of them were focused. But tense as well... The expedition was about to start and who knew how many of them would not come back... Especially Eren, who was right next to the Levi squad.

Levi frowned and started recalling all of the moments he had before stepping foot, or in this case, horse, outside the walls. That expedition was going to cause a lot of grief and pain... He just knew it.

His mind went to the gingerhead... Wondering if he was going to come back to hear her ridiculous stories at night. To make fun of her eccentric person and hear her voice singing across the hallways.

Levi shook his head. There was no time to think of some loud and annoying nurse. He had to protect Eren and his squad at all costs. And from what he was sensing, the boy and the others were in a bundle of nerves. He had no choice but to protect them...

"Open the gate!!!" Erwin ordered with his loud and imposing voice. All of the soldiers tensed at the sound of the gate opening "FORWARD!!!"

The horses started running into the other side of the Wall. With determinate and brave eyes, the scouts were as fierce as ever.

Levi frowned his eyebrows again with determination.

He was going to live...He was going to come back...

....

Lena was between dark hallways....

She looked all around her, to see where she was. Frowning her eyebrows, she felt cold sweat falling across her skin...

That didn't look like the headquarters of the Scout Regiment. It was really cold and it seemed to be a more ancient and worked building than the castle of the Scouts.  Suddenly, candles next to the windows lightened in the corridors. Her blue eyes went even bigger as she looked around her again.

Statues of saints were all over the hallways and as well as a big cross right at the end of it. The smells of marble, wax and incense filled her nose and her lungs. And then she came to a realization.

Lena was in her old convent. But something was off. She was dressed in her white large night dress instead of her habit. The corridors weren't as warm and peaceful as she remembered. They were rather cold, lonely and cutting edge. It reminded her of the first year she passed in isolation. Dark, solitary and cold...

"Why am I doing here...?" Lena asked herself... Her legs were shaking and her skin was completely shivered.

Suddenly, the cutting silence stopped. A big noise was heard and even more candles lightened, showing a giant painting of a big red monster, with sharpened teeth eating humans.

Lena widened her eyes with fear. 

Analyzing the faces of the people in the paintings, her eyes darkened in terror when she saw it were the faces of her friends and the soldiers she knew...

But what shocked her the most was a figure looking like Levi, watching his comrades being eaten to death.

"No...No!! " Lena covered her mouth in horror as the tears started falling across her face.  Another crash was heard which made the gingerhead fall on the ground, with her eyes widened in terror.

"I couldn't save them...It's all my fault!!" She heard a awfully familiar voice. The gingerhead turned around one more time still on the ground. It sounded like the voice of a certain Captain. Lena breathed heavily in completely terror.

"Please... Come home!" Another voice spoke, this time a female one, coming from the other corridor.

"I've always hated you..."

Suddenly, sounds of screaming filled the room and Lena embraced her knees completely frightened and despaired. She couldn't run away, the noises were everywhere she looked. Quietly, the gingerhead blessed herself an started praying quietly with despair.  The last time she had felt like that was in the fall of Wall Maria and when Eren transformed himself. She would never get used to that despair and horror.

The freckled cheeks stopped praying though, when she opened her eyes and saw Levi appearing right in front of her, from the dark corridor who had the people's screaming.

"C-Captain...?" Lena whispered, her tears stopping briefly from falling as she saw that familiar face. The moonlight reflected his skin and he looked even more beautiful than usual...

"Come with me, Lena... I will take you away from all of this tragedy..." Levi said, reaching out his hand.  But his voice was sounding different... Smoother and more crystalline. And the way he talked... He didn't even sound like Levi even if he was just like him.

Lena tried to get up, still with her hands and face shaking with fear. Having Levi there made her feel safer. But at the same time there was a strange energy around him...A dark and cold energy. Even if Levi gave some of that energy, there was just something odd about it, an obscurity she couldn't identify.

The gingerhead observed him already stepping on the ground. Her eyes were red from the crying, her face was pale and she was still in her white night dress.  Yet, she didn't move a muscle. There was something about that Levi in front of her that just didn't feel right...He was dressed on his usual Scout Regiment Uniform. Lena observed him better and her blue eyes widened when she noticed what was wrong with him...

He was smiling...

Levi never smiled.

Lena took some steps back and her breath started to become heavy again. All of that didn't make any sense. Levi didn't smile, at least he had never smiled in front of her.

"You...You are not Captain Levi..." Lena confronted him, tears falling down her cheeks once again. That figure didn't move a muscle and it continued smiling. Her eyebrows frowned with anger and her body started to fill up with rage and despair "YOU ARE NOT LEVI!! TELL ME WHERE HE IS!!"

Suddenly, on that figure's smile appeared the tongue of a snake. That made Lena even more frightened. She tried to run, but her legs didn't move from the ground. Looking back at him, the gingerhead became even more despaired when Levi's figure transformed into a giant snake crawling to her

Lena let screams of despair as she closed her eyes. Kneeling on the ground again and putting her arms around her head, she let the heavy tears fall across her pale cheeks.  Begging God for that to stop...

....

"Lena!! Lena!!!!"

A distant voice called her...

"Lena!!! Wake up!!!"

The gingerhead opened her eyes and got up from the bed in fright. Opening widely her eyes and breathing heavily, she tried to situate herself in time and place.

"Lena...I'm glad you woke up..." Judy's already wrinkled face met hers with a worried look. Lena was still in shock about what had happened, looking down at her face. The middle age woman put a hand on her shoulder and the gingerhead looked into her eyes again "You were having a horrible nightmare..."

"A...A nightmare...?" Lena asked, her face baffled and shocked. Putting her hand on her head, looking down at the bed, she tried to process everything that happened. She was relived "It looked so real...

"You were screaming and turning around the bed. And you're very sweaty too, could you have a fever?" Judy questioned her with her worrying and maternal voice. Lena looked at her and gave her a small smile.

"Don't worry, Judy. I'm sure I don't have a fever" Lena got up from the bed and took a long sigh. It was only a nightmare, she didn't need to be afraid "I just have to take a bath to take this sweaty smell away"

"Are you sure you're okay, Lena? What was in your dream that made you look so frightened?" Judy insisted, still sitting in the gingerhead's bed.

Lena turned her face to the middle age brunette. Should she tell her what was in her dream? She didn't want to worry Judy, much less in the expedition day. Even if the nurse looked worry and also frightened, Lena didn't ant to distract her from her job. Just like she wouldn't get distracted. At the same time though, Judy wasn't obviously going to believe her. She saw her in complete despair.

"I will tell you. But you have to promise not to tell a single soul!" Lena said, going back to her bed, still wearing the same long and large white night dress. The gingerhead stared deeply into the brown eyed woman "Promise to God and all the saints in heaven you won't tell anyone, Judy!!"

"Of course I won't tell, Lena. Just tell me what it was you're just making me worry even in more" Judy replied. Her eyes were still full of worry and fear. Like the freckled cheeks' feelings could be transported to hers...

"Promise me not to be scared or think I'm crazy?"

"I promise for all the things I loved" Judy gave her a heartwarming smile and Lena took a long and deep sigh. There was no point in hiding it. Even if Lena was scared that Judy was going to think she was crazy or afraid of her. God would be with her she hoped.

"I think..." Lena started, but the tears started falling across her face and she felt shivers across her skin in every part of her body "I think I saw the devil..."

"What? The...The devil?" Judy widened her eyes in complete shock. The gingerhead already regretted her decision of telling her.

"I was in my convent but it wasn't the real one. That one was cold, solitary and cutting ice.. Suddenly a friend of mine appeared...And I know that was him."

"But...How do you know he was the devil?"

"The devil hides among the good...Disguised himself as one of my friends" Lena blushed at the last sentence. She didn't want to tell her she saw Levi on her dream, there were enough things to worry about "But before that, a painting appeared. The painting of a single Titan eating all of the soldiers. Then I heard a crash, screams and some voices I couldn't identify"

Judy listened carefully to what the gingerhead was saying. She was also feeling shivers down her spine. No wonder why Lena was screaming and sweating. That nightmare could make anyone shiver with fear...

"I fell at the ground and my friend disappeared, only to be substituted by a giant snake..." Lena continued. Her skin was completely shivered despite being sweaty. Years had passed since she had such a macabre and frightening nightmare...

"Well...That doesn't mean anything, Lena. It was just a dream" Judy tried to calm her down, putting her hand on her shoulder. Lena looked at the middle aged woman with sad eyes. The brown haired woman noticed and gave her a small smile "Now, go take a bath. Rudella might call us in a few hours"

Judy got up from the bed and took Lena's hand so the gingerhead could stand up with her.

"After the bath, let's eat breakfast to gain strength and head for today" Judy said and the freckled cheeks gave her a more wide smile. Judy was in Scout Regiment for so many years, she obviously knew what she was doing.

Suddenly, Lena wrapped around the middle aged woman shoulders, in the same tight hugs of hers. That caught Judy off guard, but she hugged her back.

It had been years since Judy had hugged anyone...

...

"Alright, nurses. We have only 7 hours left before soldiers arrive from their expedition" Rudella stated, walking around the 5 nurses, who were all in the oldest office. Every reunion started in Rudella's office. So they knew what to do and also a few words were exchanged to calm them down "This operation is from an extremely importance. I have to say it, but I predict that a lot of soldiers are going to comeback with very severe injuries. If they have the luck to come back"

Lena swallowed in nervousness. Her heart was already skipping her chest and 7 hours were yet left to prepare everything. She didn't know if she could handle all that pressure...And looking at the other nurses, all of them had fear on their eyes, even if they were making an effort to portrait a put together and confident expression. 

But one thing they all knew was that it was their job and they had to do it in perfection. Otherwise, what were they doing in the Scout Regiment?

"Why am I sensing my ladies so tense?" Rudella asked, as she supported her hands on the desk behind her. All of the nurses took glances at each other and then proceeded to took at the already wrinkled face of the oldest nurse "What's the matter with you all? This operation is not different than any other you've handled. You're the best nurses from all around the Walls, or at least you claim to be"

Lena listened to her with close attention. It was true that operation wasn't different than the others, but it was the first time they had Eren with them. And knowing what he could do, of course all of them were afraid. Even the freckled cheeks was. She had seen him, and even if she loved and trusted Eren with all of her heart and soul, she couldn't stop thinking in all of the things that could happen.

"We know that but..." Helga started, putting some of her blonde hair behind her ear.  All of the nurses looked at her with attention "It's just...."

"This operation is very specific and particular. Different from the others" Gabrielle continued, calm and serene as she always was.

"We're being tortured with this pressure. They have a goddamn Titan with them for the first time" Evelyn stated, bluntly. She stood there, proud and always with a perfect posture "They're lucky if a quarter of them come back. Especially considered the fact that the beast is only a kid"

Lena frowned her eyebrows in irritation and anger...Evelyn didn't know what happened when she messed with one of her friends.

"Evelyn" Rudella warned at the black haired woman.

"First of all, his name is Eren. And second of all, why do you call him a beast? You don't even know him!" Lena replied, turning herself to face Evelyn face to face. Despite being in the other side of the room. Her eyebrows were frowned and looked at Evelyn with revolted eyes.

"Girls don't start now, please" Gabrielle tried to calm them down.

"Why do I call him a beast?? Well maybe because he can transform his ass into a Titan. But I don't expect you to find it that shocking, since you know him so well" Evelyn remained surprisingly calm, but that didn't stop Lena's nerves to boil.

"In case you haven't noticed we're all afraid of what this operation will bring. But I don't expect you to feel at least a little empathy for anyone!" Lena replied. Judy had to touch her shoulder to calm the gingerhead down "

"Oh my, please. Like you know me, nun"

"Oh now you don't like when I judge you without even knowing you!!"

"It's enough!!" Rudella slammed her hands on her desk to calm the two women down. All of the nurses jumped in scare with the sudden noise "You weren't sent here to act like little children!!! Do you want me to send you back from where you came from??

"No, please!!" They both answered at the same time.

"Then act like the two grown women you are and focus on the expedition!!!" Rudella turned her face to the gingerhead and she swallowed in fear. Rudella's gaze made her freeze, just like Levi's used to "Especially you, Elena. You need to control your temper and stop acting so recklessly!"

"ME???" Lena opened widely her blue eyes in complete awe "A-Am I bad tempered for defending my friends??"

"THAT'S AN ORDER, ENOUGH DISCUSSION! Unless you want me to send you back to your convent!!!" Rudella shouted, slamming her hands on the table with an angry expression on her wrinkled face "I admit proudly that your attitude has improved. I can tell you're not the same reckless and impulsive woman that got here months ago. But even so, you need to improve more! To control more your temper and not acting so recklessly!"

Lena suddenly stopped talking and looked to the side with her cheeks completely red in embarrassment. Rudella wasn't the first person and definitely wouldn't be the last one to say that she was a reckless and impulsive idiot. But what made her blush was the 'change' her superior had noticed in her since she arrived in the convent. Could that be because she was spending a lot of time with Levi? If that was the case, she was going to thank him after the expedition. The thought of him made her feel with butterflies, not knowing well why. Probably because she was wondering if he was alright or not...

"And this applies to you too, Evelyn" Rudella said again, this time turning her gaze to the black haired woman.

"And what have I done?" Evelyn replied, putting her hands on her hips with one of her thick black eyebrows raised.

"Stop being a smug woman. Even if Elena still has some changing to do, her attitude got a lot better since she got here" Rudella stated secure of herself. Facing Evelyn with the same stoic posture, despite being a small lady. Rudella transmitted leadership, honor and values  "This is a place of honor, not a place of arrogance and vanity"

"Whatever you say. I get paid for healing the soldiers, not to be some kind of missionary. So if you may, mrs. Rudella, go on with the orders so I can get my office organized" Evelyn crossed her arms again with a bored and indifferent expression. 

The environment started to become even heavier. The nurses looked at each other with worried eyes, the two other women looked down, even with a little expression of guilt, though they would never admit it, knowing how stubborn they both were. Rudella took a long sigh...After years and years of working, she had never thought she would have to deal with two children fighting again.

"The soldiers are arriving at half past 19. I expect your offices to be ready at 16 and you to be completely ready at 17. No one knows if there will be orders for them to return earlier" Rudella continued, this time all the nurses paying close attention "And lastly, this is only a suggestion, take a long bath to be completely clean and eat dinner earlier, so you won't get hungry during the appointments. I thank all of you for being here. Your help is essential for the health of the soldiers and to the life of the Scout Regiment. Have a good lunch"

"Thank you, mrs. Rudella" All the nurses said in unison.

Lena sighed...Rudella was such a great leader. Even the superior soldiers respected her and her orders, despite being a woman in a world full of men. Her posture screamed professionalism and seriousness, though, for her, it lacked a little bit of kindness, just a little bit. The gingerhead wondered if she could become like her one day...To be respected and to be take serious. Of course she had a lot of work to do until then...

Even after all that commotion, that dark cutting feeling never left her chest once...

Chapter Text

Lena was dressed in a long brown gathered skirt until her shins with a white apron wrapped on it. A white middle sleeved blouse that was tucked in her skirt and, for the hair, she was wearing a flower beige kerchief that covered all of her hair. It was a rough choice to make, but that operation was going to be one of the most important, and she couldn't have hair in front of her eyes or some locks falling in some patient injury. And besides, her wild curly flaming hair wasn't collaborating with her that day.

Already at her office, waiting for the injured soldiers to arrive, that dark feeling on her chest didn't leave her once. It had even chased her in her sleep...She wondered if that dream had anything to do with her friends.. Or even with Levi.... She didn't understand why she had dreamed about him. Just him? Why, she wondered. Levi had become an acquaintance to her but she wouldn't consider him as a friend...

Or would she?

Now that Lena thought about it, those conversations they had every night with her telling him her biggest secrets, fears and stories didn't seem like a captain/subordinate relationship to her. Neither just some acquaintances. Without noticing, the gingerhead had developed a bond with that short tempered raven haired man... She wondered how things had become like that. They hated each other since they had met.

But slowly, Lena started to develop something strange for the Captain. A feeling of warmth and trust. The gingerhead even wondered if she had actually hated him from the start or if she just found him annoying.

Truth was that relationship was complicated. And Lena knew Levi didn't like to bond with others. He said no to love and to friendships. He only treated everyone like comrades, like subordinates. Relationships built on mutual trust and respect.

But if that was the case why did he agree talking to her every night? How did he have the patience to listen to her when Levi himself had told her she was annoying and talked too much? Why did he seem to listen to her stories with genuine interest and even remembered little details. Was he doing that because he pitied her? Because he knew Lena had no one to talk to for years? A part of her believed that, but other parts of her kept telling her there was something else.

Either way, that wasn't what a nurse/patient relationship looked like. Hell, that wasn't even what a captain/subordinate relationship looked like. But Lena was happy with that and didn't want that to change. Even if she would like to be able to say hello to him when she saw him at lunch breaks. Levi didn't necessarily specified that that 'friendship' had to be kept a secret. But the gingerhead decided not to do it, it was better if things were kept the same.

If Levi came back of course...

Lena shook her head. There was no time to think about what would happen on that mission. If she did she would just get distracted and not do her job right...

The clock in the wall of the office said it was 18:30...

The gingerhead blessed herself and touched the rosary on her neck. It was almost time for them to arrive and she still hadn't mentalized herself of that... The anxiety started to grow stronger and stronger.... It seemed like she was being stabbed in her chest with all the fear....

Lena tried desperately to calm herself down with some deep breaths. Affirming to herself that she was going to do it, that she would have the least injured so she didn't have to worry about nothing more. That her friends would come to her alright, and that God had protected them...

Lena took long deep breaths and very slowly calmed herself down....

After some more minutes of impatient and pressured wait, still with millions of thoughts surrounding her head, the gingerhead heard someone knock on the door. She quickly got up, adjusted her apron and put some pieces of her wild orange curls behind the kerchief.

"N-Name and business?" Lena said with her soft and sweet voice, although anyone could sense the nervousness and hesitation.

Suddenly one of the veteran soldiers opened the door. Lena felt shivers all over her spine...

His head was covered with a big bandage. It was still absorbing the blood, so it was very red. His eyes didn't have any bright. Even his expression, who was always so imposing, typical of a veteran, was crestfallen. Even so, he turned his eyes to the gingerhead, who felt even more anxious facing him eye to eye.

"Mrs. Häustler! Here you have 4 soldiers in need of recovering!!" The man tried to replace his dispirited gaze with a stoic and secure voice. Although anyone could sense his true emotions. At least Lena could...

"Yes, sir! Thank you so much!" Lena failed miserably trying to make a salute once again. The nerves were too many...

4 soldiers?

It was half since the last expedition...

Lena gulped and tried the hardest to keep her posture. That was going to be a long afternoon...

...

"And there you go..." Lena finished up stitching the injuries of a male soldier, who she really didn't remember the name. Turning her head towards his, she observed his obscure expression. Just like the veteran, his eyes had no bright. He had spent the entire expedition silent "R-remember to put some ice on your bruises and perhaps next week you'll be able to take off your stitches"

"Thank you, miss. May I go now?" He had spoken for the maybe third time in the appointment, making that conversation a bit awkward.

Lena took a long sigh and got up from the chair she was sitting. The soldier was sitting in one of the three beds, as he looked at the wall, he didn't dare to look at the gingerhead eye to eye.

"You may..." Lena replied as she went back to her desk. The soldier got up from the chair, and started to button up his shirt. The gingerhead felt like she had to say something, but she wasn't quite sure of what to say. He was almost heading towards the door and Lena knew it was the best opportunity to say something "Before you leave-"

The male faced her for the first time. That look on his eyes made the freckled cheeks feel shivers on her spine. His eyes reminded her from the fall of Wall Maria. People used to say that her gaze was just like that.

"-I-I know we can't do much... Me and my colleagues can only heal injuries and bruises. But we can't yet heal someone's heart" Lena started, looking down at the table, trying to figure what the appropriate words "But we can still try. So if you and other soldiers ever need anything, all of us are here to help in whatever you want. Since unburden to even give advice. But please don't keep all the suffering to yourselves... Trust me, that is the worst thing anyone can do... "

The soldier looked at the gingerhead and a little bit of bright seemed to return in his gaze. Though it was just a little bit...

"We appreciate your help" He could only say that, before he get out of the door.

Lena sighed one more time... The environment really was tense. She was sitting next to her desk and started filling the paperwork of the soldiers. Just thinking about how less the soldiers were in comparison to the last expedition made her chest tighten up with anxiety and fear...Could that be the dark feeling she felt since that night? Could she had an actual reason to feel like that? Could that have been a sign of God that things weren't going to end well?

The gingerhead started feeling even more trapped in her own emotions...That thought didn't leave her mind. She had grown used to leave her thoughts in the back of her since she had joined the Survey Corps. So hopefully that didn't stop her from doing her work correctly. After all, there still were 2 more soldiers to treat.

Her mind went back on the grey eyes of Levi. Somehow the Captain never once left her head since the beginning of the day. She assumed it was because she didn't wish for him to suffer no more. After spending so much time with him, Lena started developing so much empathy for him...Not pity, since the freckled cheeks hated to be pitied, so she wouldn't do that to people. But a empathy and a compassion that made her give him a special place on her heart. Just the thought of him getting hurt or watching his loved ones dying made her chest tighten.

Lena only hoped he was alright...The Humanity needed him...His comrades needed him.

And she would never admit it, much less even recognizing it. At least not yet in that time, Lena needed him even more...

KNOCK!

KNOCK!

KNOCK!

Lena gulped, returning to reality.

"You may come in" Lena said in, once again, a hesitant voice, looking back to the paperwork she was starting. The freckled cheeks was only sure of one thing. When the appointments were all over, she would run off to take a bath to take the thoughts away.

Slowly opening the door, a familiar face entered in the office. The person's gaze met with the gingerhead's and it made shivers on her spine. Those big green eyes that shined so brightly with happiness, were now lifeless and dull. Around his head, across his wild brown hair, there was a bandage. Lena looked at him with the same compassionate look, running towards him desperately.

"Eren" Lena said in a whisper, wrapping her arms around him. In warm, full of melancholy hug. The 15 year old boy returned it shyly "I'm so glad you're alive..."

"Of course I am damn it" Eren whispered as well.

"What about Armin and Mikasa? And your other friends? Are they okay??"

"They're also fine. They had a few injuries but nothing to worry about"

Lena sighed in relief, feeling already some tears of joy falling down her cheeks. She held Eren even tightly and closed her eyes, only feeling the comfort of her childhood friend, knowing they were all alright made her feel that that heavy sensation on her back disappear a little...

"Dear God...I'm so glad..."

They separated from each other and Lena took a good look at him. He smelled horribly. Still, that didn't stop the gingerhead from hugging him warmly. She gave him a little smile, just to create another environment and put her hand on his head.

"Don't tell me yet what happened. Let's treat you firstly alright?" Lena asked as she went back to the drawer in her desk to take the first aid quit. The gingerhead only turned her head towards the brown haired boy, who was just standing there awkwardly and let a chuckle "Sit down on the bed, man. I'm gonna treat you standing up"

Eren did as Lena said and sat down in one of the three beds of the chamber. He said no words, only looked down as if he was just wandering inside his mind. The freckled cheeks took a long sigh...She hated seeing him like that. Eren was such an energetic and charismatic boy. Perhaps with a sense of justice too big for his age. But he was young, after all...She couldn't stand seeing him in that depressed state.

Lena took the box with the first aid quit and got up again, ready to heal Eren's injuries. Taking again a long sigh, the gingerhead went next to him and sat in the bed. She looked at him with sad eyes...There were no words to describe the pain she felt while looking at him. Broken, dull, with no bright...When was that nightmare, that pain, that misery going to end? And to end, would fate take away the young and spontaneous souls such as Eren's? Lena prayed it didn't...

"Let's see the injury in your head shall we?" Lena started, talking the most delicately she could. The freckled cheek had already a sweet voice, but when she talked quietly, as rarely as it was, it became even sweeter and motherly.

"Yeah, let's just get over with this" Eren replied, this time gaining courage to look at her in the eyes.

Lena gave him a small smile and put her hand on Eren's brown hair, carefully taking the bandage of his head. It was a surprise that it didn't smell like blood. Frowning her thick eyebrows, she continued turning the bandage upside down from his head. But then, what surprised Lena was that there was no injury on his head anymore. The gingerhead tried to touch it to see if it had been just disinfected and hided among Eren's thick pieces of hair.

But it wasn't. There wasn't any injury.

"Eren...Has your wound already been healed?" Lena asked, still running her hands through Eren's hair, to see if she could find at least some stitches.

"What? It has?" Eren asked a little baffled. He also touched his head and couldn't find any sign of blood or of cuts or anything. He looked down at his hands "It must be because of my Titan ability..."

"Well then...It's one less thing to worry about..." Lena sighed and put the old bandage next to her, still sitting on the bed "Let's see if you have more. Take off your shirt, please"

A bit embarrassed, the brown haired boy took off his beige shirt and turned his back towards the gingerhead. He was not in his military uniform, but in a basic beige shirt and brown pants until his ankles. Almost identical to what he used to wear when he was child.

"Oh my...You have there some ugly bruises in your back" Lena commented. Carefully, the gingerhead made pressure in one of them, no surprise when his response was a moan in pain "I'm guessing your Titan powers don't heal bruises am I right? Hang on, I'm going to get some cold water"

Lena got up again but, before going to get the cold water, she looked at Eren again, who was still looking at his legs. That was the part of her job she would never get used to. Seeing the people she loved in state of suffering every day and not being able to do anything about it...

Quickly, the gingerhead put some cold water she had in a cabinet under he desk, in a ceramic bowl. Along with a rag that was right behind it, she had the material she needed to treat Eren properly. Picking up the bowl and the rag, Lena went back next to the bed and sat next to it.

"This might hurt a bit, I'm sure you know that" Lena warned kindly and started to lean the wet rag into the dark hematomes. Surprisingly, Eren didn't make a sound, which was strange compared how he had reacted in the first time Lena touched it. She knew what was going on, he was trying to make himself look strong "Eren..."

"Yeah what is it?" The 15 year old turned his head towards her.

"You know we've always confined in each other. We never kept any secrets and were always true in our intentions. Right?" Lena lifted an eyebrow with a small smile as she continued putting cold water in the bruises.

"Uh, yeah we have but why is that?" Eren asked, lifting one eyebrow as well in confusion.

"I'm just saying that we should keep what we have always had" Lena took her eyes of Eren's back and switched them to his gaze. In hers there was a look of certainty, yet doubt was always present "It doesn't matter what happens. You will always come to me and I will always go to you. It doesn't matter what it is. So please I beg you...Don't try to pretend you're fine, when you're not. Don't try to prove me you're strong because I know you are. I haven't been quite the example lately, I know I've been busy, as you have been with your noble work. But you have no idea how much it hurts seeing you trying to hide all the pain. Promise me, please..."

Eren looked at her in disbelief, this time turning all his body towards the gingerhead. Delicately as always, the freckled cheeks put her hand on his cheek, the way she always did and gave him the same compassionate smile.

"Will you promise me Eren?" Lena asked one more time, her big blue eyes looking directly at his green ones.

Suddenly, the tears finally started falling down his cheeks and the young boy moaned in pain and agony. He wrapped his arms around Lena as well, as his head fell on her shoulder. He grabbed her tightly as he cried desperately. All the pain, all the guilt or the regret was being throwing out, even if it never really disappeared at least it was a little bit of relief he felt having someone to cry and to embrace.

"It was all my fault...If I had just transformed...None of that would've happened...They wouldn't have to die...They died because of me!" Eren cried and cried and cried...Lena grabbed him tightly and ran her fingers through his hair in a caring way "The Levi squad...Why did they have to die??"

Suddenly, Lena opened widely her eyes in total disbelief as she felt her heart breaking into a million pieces...

Levi was dead...Not just him, but Petra, Günther, Eld and Oruo...Heavy tears started falling once the gingerhead realized she would never hear Petra's sweet hello, or Eld's laugh, or Günther's intimidating, yet sweet expression, or Oruo's horribly imitation of Levi.

Levi...

If Lena thought her heart couldn't be more broken than it was already, it broke into even more pieces when she realizes she would never hear the sarcastic comments of Levi, that she would never talk to him at midnight or drinking warm milk with him...She wouldn't see his piercing grey eyes anymore or the raven hair that fell on his forehead...He wouldn't listen to her stories anymore...It felt like a nightmare that the redhead was sure was going to wake up. That it was some bad prank. 

He was Humanity's Strongest Soldier and even so God had decided to take him earlier. But she wanted to know why in that moment. If they had such things to do? Lena still hadn't learned his history, how had he became like that. She still weren't able to help him...Why just on that moment? The other soldiers had a long life ahead of them...

When was that pain going to end?

"Eren...They're now in heaven...They're looking at us from above, protecting us" Lena managed to say between tears, still in the brow haired boy's arms "They're no longer suffering in this cruel painful world...And you have no fault in that..."

"Yes I do...They made me chose between transforming or trust in my comrades...And I decided to trust them..." Eren cried as Lena did, caressing his brown hair.

"Eren...Those choices are really difficult to make...Trust me I know that better than anyone...- Lena continued. Suddenly, she opened her eyes and a distant memory went back to her mind...

The distant memory of her standing in front of her house, looking into the eyes of an ugly grinning Titan in an attempt to save her mother from those monsters...

...

At that moment, she got divided forever...If she continued running, she would be eaten, if she turned back, she would go out safely. Lena watched the ugly creature putting his hand closer to grab her.

"LENA! COME ON! LET'S GO!" Manuel grabbed her hand even tightly, but she tried to release herself. She needed to save her mother!

"STOP! I NEED TO GET HER!"

"SHE'S PROBABLY IN A BOAT ALREADY! WE HAVE NO CHOICE! WE HAVE TO LEAVE!" Patricia cried hopelessly as the Titan was came even closer.

Lena closed her eyes. She had no choice. Turning her back, she cried for her mother and prayed for her to be still alive. Hopefully, someone would help her...But she wouldn't live with herself since that right moment. The guilt headed on her chest as she ran away from her home since she was born.

"I''m sorry, mamma..." Lena screamed in pain, running to the way out of Shingashina "I'M SO SORRY!!!"

...

Lena felt her breath become heavier once she remember that memory...

Now Eren was the one passing by the guilt of making a decision that would depend the life of the ones they loved...And now she understood perfectly why everyone kept saying that wasn't her fault. That they had no choice but to save themselves. That they couldn't do anything else. It irritated her, because they had no idea how it happened. They didn't understand that she was willing to save her mother's life. Or in that case...She wasn't willing enough. That pain and guilt consumed every inch of her since that day and people didn't seem to understand that.

Lena was a big hypocrite for saying that to Eren. But now that the freckled cheeks thought about it, everyone was an hypocrite until the same thing happened to them...And that was just the nature of not wanting people to feel more hurt with themselves than what they already were. She also was an hypocrite in that exact moment for not shouting in pain and despair, what she wanted to do in that moment, but instead only crying. Lena had told Eren to say what he truly felt, so how come she wasn't doing the same? 

Suddenly, Eren tried to release himself from the gingerhead. Carefully, Lena started to open her arms to separate herself from the brown haired boy. Now that they weren't hugging anymore, Lena looked into his big green eyes, now red because of the crying.

"So...Did it help at least releasing a little bit of the pain?" Lena asked, also with her eyes all red, looking into Eren's. The 15 year old looked down and took a long painful sigh...

"I guess...I'm sorry for sounding like a brat" Eren replied. Then, he finally noticed the red in the gingerhead's usually so bright blue eyes "You were...Crying as well?"

Lena opened widely her eyes, and cleaned some tears that were still falling on her cheeks. Truth was, she wasn't done crying. In fact, that was only the beginning and no matter how hard it was, she had to hold herself together if she wanted to help Eren. At least on that moment. 

"Well yes...I was really close with the Levi Squad as well. You were there when we met, I'm sure you've noticed" Lena answered, still talking quietly, as hard as it was.

"Yeah I remember...Especially with Pe-...." Eren tried to formulate a sentence without starting to collapse. More tears started to fall across his cheeks "...Especially with Petra...."

"Yes...I was..." Lena replied, intertwining her hands with Eren's. The tears were too many that it was impossible to contain it "And with...And with Levi...."

Just thinking about him made her completely numb, impotent and despaired...Not having him there anymore. Immediately regretting all that time she had spent hating him and calling him names. Not valuing him what he was as a person the most she could...Not-

"Captain Levi is still alive"

Lena's eyes went wide opened and she looked deeply into Eren's green ones. Everything seemed to stop once she heard that one sentence.

"What?"

"He wasn't with us when me and his squad fought the Female Titan" Eren explained while Lena listened with close attention to what the brown haired boy was saying "He survived, but I think his ankle got broken or something"

"Where is he??" Lena asked, immediately grabbing Eren's hands even tightly. Her eyes so wide opened that it felt like they were going to leave her face.

"Well uh...I think he's on his office or something" Eren replied a bit awkwardly with that conversation. 

Lena felt like she was going out of bread and it felt like a new light had ascended in her heart. A new hope. Even if she felt broken because of the news of his squad, knowing that he was alive could put at least some pieces together....

"I have to talk to him...I need to see him to be sure this isn't just a dream..." Lena said to herself, even though Eren could listen exactly what she was saying. Her voice wasn't so quiet anymore since he had told her Levi was still alive.

"Then go. I'll be fine" Eren replied, getting up from the office's bed carefully not to hurt his bruises. Lena stood up right next to him and looked at her childhood friend with guilt and a little bit of pity. Was she being selfish if she wanted to see her Captain when Eren was in that state? The gingerhead held tightly his hands again, just to make sure he was real.

"Eren...You can talk to me more if you want! Do you need to cry more? Do you need to know anything else? Do you want to tell me some secre-??"

"Lena, I'm not a kid anymore" Eren answered quickly, putting his big hands on the gingerhead's shoulders. Lena stared into his eyes, looking for at least a sign of certainty "I'm not gonna make you stand here and watch me cry all night. Go find Captain Levi if you want. I'm going to see Armin and Mikasa now. We'll see each other at dinner"

Eren put on his simple beige shirt and turned his gaze back to Lena. The freckled cheeks observed him turning his back on her and starting walking towards the door...She wanted to continue talking to him, for him to let go of his pain...But perhaps talking with friends his age would be better to bright the atmosphere of all of that.

Lena promised she would trust him after all.

"Thank you, Eren..." Lena smiled for the second time in that afternoon, to which Eren returned with difficulty.

"You're welcome..."

Chapter Text

Levi was sitting on his desk, filling the paperwork of the last expedition. He took a long sigh...It was going to be a long night.

The rain dropped heavily outside. And how much he hated the rain. On his face, it was an emotionless expression, while he filled the paperwork. But on his heart, a terrible pain seemed to consume him. It was his fault. He was their leader, and he wasn't there when they needed him. The guilt filled his heart as he filled the paperwork.

Levi couldn't even say goodbye to them...Or telling them how he truly felt and how much he cared from them...The guilt never went away, that pain never went away. He just asked how much longer would that last? Probably forever...The raven haired man started believing he was cursed. Like a demon. Anyone he touched, anyone he talked to seemed to be gone...First his friends, then his comrades. Constantly...

But he needed to keep his posture. He was a Captain. A boundless warrior. Cold, insensitive and cutting.

An ice cube.

That was the nickname, if anyone could call it like that, Lena had given to him. He understood why since the first day she had used it. That was what he was after all...A cold cutting ice cube. Letting no people need. No feelings. No emotions. Only relationships based on platonic respect. That was what everyone thought he was...Even himself.

And the raven haired man planned on keeping it that way. The expedition proved the point that he had tried to prove Lena nights before. There was no place for love in the world they lived in. Why should people love each other if they could die any minute? Why would people choose to show each other that? The world was a cruel place and those who believed that love could make that world better were delusional idiots.

KNOCK!

KNOCK!

KNOCK!

Levi took a long sigh. He wasn't in a mood of attending anyone. All he wanted to do was finishing his paperwork and drink his tea in peace...

"Name and business" The raven haired ask. His voice was weaker and fragile than usual, even no one would properly notice the difference, Levi did.

"Captain? It's Elena" He opened widely his eyes once he heard the sweet, yet worried, voice of the youngest nurse of them. Levi couldn't see her at that moment. He couldn't bear it. "I wanted to talk to you..."

Levi was almost panicking inside...He couldn't handle seeing the only person who caused him so much emotions. He didn't take her advice of showing his subordinates that he actually cared for them and look at what happened. He wasn't in a state for that...Even though that deep inside all he wanted was to be with her...

"I'm busy right now. Come back later" Levi replied shortly.

Lena sighed from the other side of the door. She should've known that was going to happen and she hated it. All she wanted to do was to see him to make sure that wasn't any dream. And to show her feelings for his squad's death. And to tell him how she cared for him and wanted to help...

Thinking about that, it would be a pretty long conversation...And obviously Levi wasn't in the mood for that. So Lena would respect it...

"Please, it's really fast! I'll go away in a second!" Lena insisted desperately. The tears were already falling from her sky blue eyes. She was desperate. She needed at least to hear more of his voice.

"I just said that I'm busy at the moment. The paperwork is too much. Come back later, that's an order"

Lena's heart broke into even more pieces.

That was right...He was her Captain. She was his nurse. That was what their relationship was. Now Lena understood why Levi had said she was naive. The gingerhead actually thought they were other than that? All she wanted to do was to say sorry for his loss for respect. That was all.

But why did her heart ache? If that was a normal situation, she would just start shouting at him for not letting her say what she had to say. But what she was feeling wasn't anger, it was sorrow, guilt and disappointment.

Lena couldn't bear seeing Levi trying to hide all the pain, she couldn't bear to see him on that state of suffering. She wanted so much to help it and to give him a shoulder for him to cry... He had spent so many nights listening to her, the gingerhead wanted to make him feel the same way he had made her feel. She wanted to give him all she could...

But Lena wouldn't be able to do it if Levi didn't let her...

"Okay, then I'll say it quickly right here" Lena insisted one more time.

Levi sighed because of that stubborn as a dunk woman...Of course that would happen. He only wished it was fast. Even her voice made him completely weak and helpless. How on the Walls did he think spending those nights talking to the gingerhead was a good idea? Well, he knew it wasn't and even so he spent them with her. It was like an addiction that needed to be stopped immediately.

"Here it goes..." Lena whispered to herself with a sigh. Gaining strength to talk about her now gone friends "I heard the news about your squad and....I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry for your loss....They were amazing people and such noble soldiers...They inspired so many people just like you do, Captain. They're going to be missed to much..."

Levi started hearing small hiccups along with that sentences, Lena was obviously crying. The raven haired man stopped doing the paperwork and looked at the table with dull and emotionless eyes, that, even so, transmitted pain and suffering. They were such young and amazing soldiers. Not only skilled but true, noble and kind as well. It was a horrible loss indeed...Levi blamed himself every single hour, he didn't want Lena to talk about them any longer. It would only ache his heart even more...

"Is that all?" Levi asked, in a more broken tone, still from the other side of the door.

"And that...If you...If you ever need someone to talk to. Someone to...To unburden-" Lena continued, putting her hand on the door and looking at it with her eyes full of worry and sadness "I am here..."

Despite knowing exactly that the gingerhead was going to say that, it still had an effect on Levi. He felt on his chest a mixture of warmth, yet like millions of knives were being stabbed on it. Why? Why did that woman have that effect on him? Why did he think of no other thing that crying on her shoulder?

But Levi had to resist that temptation. He had already gone too far by spending those nights talking to her. It was a complete irresponsibility and now it was cursing him. Lena had to understand they couldn't be anything else but Captain and nurse. Not friends, only comrades fighting for the same thing, even if they fought in different ways.

That was all.

That was all....

"I know you're not the type of person who opens up to anyone And I know that you find me annoying. But" Lena paused for a moment and looked at the door again, imagining Levi looking at her with an emotionless expression, but still with the eyes of a man who had suffered so much "In moments like this, it's good for us to...Throw it all out"

Lena felt so much guilty...Thinking that she hated a man who had probably suffered all those years with so many losses. It didn't seem like Lena didn't know the pain of seeing their loved ones dying...She was such an idiot. The gingerhead only hoped Levi and God could both forgive her...

"Is that all?" He finally asked, and Lena sighed, still holding her hand at the door made of wood. She wanted to tell him many more things but...She said that it would be quick.

"Yes, sir. It is all" Lena replied from outside of the office, looking down with embarrassment and sorrow in her heart. She only wanted him to say something about the things she had said "I'm so sorry for the bother"

Levi closed his eyes in pain and agony and lifted his head...

The raven haired's mind was an absolute mess...He couldn't go on with that absolute craziness. Every time Lena talked to him it was like he was in some sort of delirium, like he was drugged. He couldn't think straight, all of the reason and common sense seemed to just disappear in a fog.

But one thing Levi knew.

He didn't want Lena to suffer like he did. She had already suffered so much in life, with so many losses important to her. He couldn't bear causing her that suffering, he would never forgive himself if that happened. The Captain had already millions of lives on his back. He couldn't handle any more guilt. She would be safe behind the Walls, with no connection to anything that went over the Walls. That was the only way she couldn't suffer on that place. Especially suffering created by him...

Levi had to step away from her... Not only for her sanity but for his as well. As much as it would hurt him, as much as it would break him even more. He knew continuing seeing Lena would destroy him and her even more. They had gone through too much pain... And she didn't deserve to go through more because of his own selfishness.

And also because he was afraid...Anyone he touched died. Anyone he cared for just disappeared...He didn't want that fate to Lena as well...Just thinking about that destroyed completely his soul and every sanity he had left. Those were the reasons why he needed to step away. Sometimes he forgot that he was a soldier, a Captain. And that he couldn't have ordinary feelings or relationships with ordinary people. He couldn't give in to that temptation of seeing Lena every night...

Levi looked at the ceiling again and ran his fingers through his hair. Taking a long sigh, he closed his eyes in a hope that that pain was going to end...

"I'm sorry... I won't follow every rainbow..."

...

 Five days had passed since that day

Everyone was very quiet. Not a laugh or a giggle could be heard in the entire building. Not even the youngest cadets who had the most joy and energy among them.

The last expedition had taken away most of the hope they had. But there was always a little light inside their hearts. Even if it was only to revenge their comrades who had passed away.

Time would heal their sorrow, as it always did. They were used to it, but at the same time they weren't. Watching their friends dying between Titans's teeth wasn't something that could easily be used to. Everyone was like that. Since the veterans to the young cadets.

Five days had passed also since the last day Lena had talked with Levi for the last time...

After that, Lena had tried multiple times to talk to him, or to at least know if he was alright. She had knocked at his office a lot of times, but no one responded. She had tried talking to the Captain when he passed by the corridors but he ignored her like she was invisible. 

It made her heart ache and at the same time, she was furious at him.

Lena was eating lunch on her own. She wouldn't have any appointments soon. After all, most of the soldiers were already dead and the others had only injuries that had already been healed. She hoped there weren't any hurts in the training. The gingerhead was in no mood to attend anyone.

Maybe it was selfish of her, she was there to treat them and should be honored to treat those amazing soldiers. But she was still a breathing human, and not a saint with the purest heart of the world. Just like Levi was...

Levi didn't leave her mind once. It was driving the woman insane.

He hadn't showed up in those five nights to drink milk. The freckled cheeks stood there for hours waiting for him in those five nights. But Levi didn't show up in any of them. Lena barely saw him, only took glimpses of him at dinners, lunches and to clean. Sometimes, she smiled kindly at him, but he turned his head and pretended not to see her.

That pained so much the gingerhead's hearts. But she also had to respect it, he was going through a terrible time. But why did he talk with Erwin and Hange as he usually did. Why wouldn't he talk to her? He knew she was there to help him at whatever he needed. Why wouldn't he come to her? All she wanted was to know if hew as okay and to maybe helping him if he'd let her...

Thinking about him, there was the raven haired man walking towards one of the tables. Elegant and imposing as usual. More handsome than ever...

Lena cleaned her mouth quickly with the napkin next to her and stared discreetly at him. Levi continued walking front, which made the gingerhead hopeful that he would sit next to her. After all, the cafeteria was almost empty.

"Good morning Captain-" Lena tried to say with a smile when the raven haired man passed by her table.

Her heart broke into a million pieces when Levi continued walking without even looking at her. Lena turned her head and continued staring at him. He had sat a table by himself as well. Not even bothering looking at her.

The gingerhead took a long sigh...

Was Lena really thinking he would sit next to her?

"Dumb, dumb, dumb! God why are you as dumb as a chicken Lena??" Lena talked to herself as she hit gently her forehead with her fist.

"Don't tell me... You're talking to yourself again?" A high pitched voice asked.

Lena opened her eyes and saw no other than Hange staying in front of her with a smile. The gingerhead's cheeks went red as she had noticed the mad scientist.

"No! I mean--yeah I was! You know, I always talk to myself when I'm stressed" Lena replied completely embarrassed and off guard. She still wasn't used for people to hear her talking to herself.

"Yeahh I had figured that out already! Mind if I sit??" Hange asked, smiley as usual. She was one of the few people who could brighten up the mood in that place. Of course, she had hurt a lot as they were, but her recovering was always better "Or do you want to be alone?"

"No, of course not! Sit, Hange! The last thing I want in this moment is to be alone" Lena answered a bit without thinking.

Hange sat in front of Lena as she started eating her lunch. The veterans were probably finished earlier than the other soldiers, the gingerhead assumed.

"So...How have you been? We don't talk since before the expedition" Hange asked with a kind smile, obviously worried about the freckled cheeks.

"Well... I have been better, but I also have been worse" Lena replied, looking at her fingers in the table "I've been singing more than usual. To distract from everything that has been going on"

"I understand. In every expedition the same thing happens... But this one seemed like it was way worse..." Hange sighed.

Lena looked down at her empty plate. Seeing Hange down was such a strange thing. The only day she had seen her on her worst was when Sawney and Bean were murdered. The gingerhead wished that smiley Hange never went away.

"But let's not talk about sad things. Did you know I could figure out a lot of Eren's powers we didn't know about??" The brunette asked in her usual excited tone, which made Lena a lot better.

"No way, really?? That's so good Hange! Amazing" Lena replied with a smile. That was the first time the gingerhead had smiled widely in a long time "Is my sugarplum handling it well?"

"Yeah... He's very whiny sometimes but overall he's been doing amazing. Although we might need help with some issues that are more on the medical area..." Hange sang the last sentence, winking at Lena. The gingerhead sighed with a smile, she already knew what that mad scientist wanted.

"Don't tell me... Is that why you came to talk to me at lunch Hange?" Lena giggled, already seeing the whole picture.

"Oh of course not dear Lena!! I also wanted to know how you've been! I'm just saying that, if you know some nurse! A nurse with no patients to treat, hopefully, could be able to help us...? If you find out someone could you please let me know?" Hange smiled awkwardly as she remained her sarcastic tone.

"Hange, you don't need to make all that scene! Of course I will help you!" Lena laughed and Hange gave her an even wider smile.

"Ohh! Thank you, Lena you're as sweet as sugar!!" Hange hissed happily with the gingerhead's decision "We will start our studies tomorrow morning! It would be great if you could appear maybe at 10 o' clock because then we have-"

Hange stopped talking as she looked front and saw Levi walking almost next to their table.

"SHORTY HEY!"

Lena choked in the water she was drinking when Hange had called Levi. Coughing in a mix of embarrassment and butterflies on her belly, she took a napkin to clean the mix of water and saliva on her chin.

Was Levi going to answer her?

"Why didn't you join us at lunch?! We would enjoy your company wouldn't we Lena??" Hange asked, making Lena even more embarrassed, the red filling her forehead to her chin.

Levi almost reached their table walking, however he didn't stop. He didn't even look at Lena, only at Hange.

"Don't bother me four eyes, I've got more shit to do" Levi answered, passing by their table and continuing walking front.

"Well you don't need to be so grumpy Captain!" Hange said, laughing out loud.

Once Levi was out of the room, Lena was finally more at ease. It broke her heart even more when she saw that he replied to Hange and not to her. All the times she had tried to approach him, he ignored her. Lena was thinking that it was because he was in mood to talk to anyone but if he at least replied at Hange...What could it possibly be?

"Damn, he's really in a bad mood today" Hange commented as she took a gulp of water "Who am I kidding? He's always in a bad mood!"

"Well at least he responds to you. Whenever he sees me it's like I'm a ghost" Lena looked at the side with a big sigh.

"You have not been talking to him?" Hange asked with a thoughtful look.

"I've tried to talk to him. Especially right now that he's in a bad time, I wanted to help him..." Lena crossed her arms, feeling really vulnerable talking about him to Hange. She didn't really talk about Levi to anyone "I just wanted to... See if he was alright.

"Lena..." Hange said sadly. She hated seeing the gingerhead woman who was always to joyful and talkative like that "You have to understand Levi is... He's not really a person like the rest..."

"I know that, Hange but... I hate seeing him suffering. He has been though so much and never talks about it to anyone... And maybe he could unburden to me the same way I did to him..." Lena looked at Hange with puppy eyes. The freckled feared she was acting childish. But that was when she felt after all. And she was always true to her feelings "Maybe it's my fault... Maybe he realized that I'm just not worth of his time. Or maybe he decided not to trust me..."

"Lena, it's nothing like that trust me" Hange held the gingerhead's hands to comfort him "Levi is a very complicated person. And being very distant, he's a mystery to all of us. I'm not going to tell you his story because he trusts me, but his life has been really hard, you don't even imagine..."

Lena listened carefully to what Hange said. She already suspected that his life had been hard. But what could Hange possibly mean? The gingerhead didn't even imagine what could it be.

"Everyone of us is a broken one. Every last one of us has been through so much pain suffering...In this world we live in... Hange continued, this time looking at the ceiling with a thoughtful expression "When you came, Lena, you gave a new light to this place, with your music, happiness and life. And inspired a a lot of us. You were broken too, and remained that light that made everyone smile. You showed that anyone can heal and ended up even healing some of us"

Lena widened her eyes at what Hange had said. She had no idea she had that impact in the Scout Regiment. She was only a nurse who liked to sing and hated suffering. But she didn't care about that, the gingerhead only wanted to know about Levi.

"But Levi's different" Hange said, this time in an assertive and cold tone "He's the most of broken of all of us. Humanity's strongest soldier, a mystery that no one had been able to solve. The rude and small, yet imposing soldier who is feared by every Titan, and even humans. A prince hidden in a skiff of ice waiting for a kiss of fire that will melt his walls...Even so, he also gave his way to you. Discovering something in him, he even sounded different he used to since he met you. But it's not easy for a broken one like Levi to recover"

"Please Hange, tell me how can I help him!" Lena begged, holding her hand even tightly. Some little tears were already falling from her eyes.

"You can't" Hange looked at her with a serious expression.

"What?" Lena asked, widening her big blue eyes at the brunette's response.

"You can't heal all broken ones, Lena" Hange answered, in a way so wise it sounded like it had been taken away from a book "Maybe Levi won't even heal. And it's not your responsibility to. You're no saint. When Levi is ready, he will come to you"

Lena stared at Hange with shock all over her face. Not helping Levi was the last thing she had thought about... All she wanted to do was to give everything to see him well and not hurt...

But it made sense now and it had cleared her mind a lot.

"Hange... I didn't know you were so wise. You kind of sounded like Reverend Mother" Lena gave her a smile and kind eyes. Hange took off immediately her thoughtful look and gave the gingerhead a smile as well "Thank you so much for your advice, Hange... I think I know what I have to do now..."

"You're welcome my dear Lena!! But I'm sure you would come to that conclusion by herself. Love always knows its way!" Hange took a bite of the bread and Lena chocked on the water she was drinking one more time.

Couching and coughing, her cheeks was redder than they had ever been. Her heartbeat started to beat so fast it seemed like it would explode off her chest.

"Love?? What are you talking about are you bonkers Hange??" Lena asked in a complete nervous wrack, not knowing much how to react, only moving her hands in some weird and uncoordinated gestures with her face red from her forehead to her chin.

"Nothing nothing!!" Hange laughed without stop "You'll find it out eventually!!

"I should've known you were being too wise and serious... You still only knit on one needle"

Hange wasn't well on her head. Love? Let's not go that far, Lena didn't Levi. She didn't even know him. All she had was empathy, caring and friendship for him. That was all.

Was that?

Chapter Text

Lena couldn't understand how many papers could be in a desk at one time...

Nights and nights of filling the information of the soldiers whom she had attended were coming to her. It was her fault for leaving everything for the last hour. But before that day, she just had no mind for filling pages and pages of paperwork. And to make the situation worse, the gingerhead had to give those files to Rudella in two days. She could guess what was going to happen...Nights and nights only with paper, a feather and ink in front of her with a candle.

The freckled cheeks took a long sigh...That was the most boring part of her job....Lena wondered how Levi used them an escape.

And there she was thinking about him again...Was he missing their conversations? Probably not. Was he okay? Lena hoped he was. The Levi squad had been a great loss for all of them...The freckled cheeks missed them so much. They were such nice and approachable soldiers, they made her feel at home when she had first came to the new Survey Corps headquarters. Levi knew them for so long and Lena knew he cared so much about them....

Lena had taken Hange's advice and decided not to chase Captain Levi around anymore. He would talk to her when he was ready. Even though that was extremely hard... The raven haired man was in her mind every hour of the day...Worry consumed her body because all she wanted was for him to be alright. But, like Hange had said, it wasn't her responsibility.

It made her feel guilty and she only hoped he would come to her soon. The gingerhead missed talking to him, hearing his low voice saying sarcastic comments about her that made her laugh, his always so serious expression that softened when she said something ridiculous...

He was probably going through so much....But Lena couldn't go to him and being pushed of again. It was like Hange told her. Whenever he was ready, he was going to talk to her about that. But it felt so wrong...It felt like Lena wasn't doing the right thing. But at the same time it die? Her head was a complete mess..

"Dang it! That Captain Ice Cub just can't leave my mind alone!" Lena whined, closing her eyes and putting her hands on her head. At that rythm there was no way she would finish that paperwork on time "C'me on, Lena don't think about him! Just forget he exists at least for these hours! If you don't finish this you're going to be fired but fired!"

Lena shook her head and put one of her hands in her forehead. It was useless, she couldn't keep doing that forever. She needed to get serious. It was like Levi had told her. If she couldn't handle those emotions, the door was right away.  Moving her eyes to the the wall, the freckled cheeks sighed again.

The clock marked 00:00,

How long was that going to end? Every day, Lena thought about the Levi Squad...It felt so strange not having the sweet hellos of Petra, Eld's smiles, Günther's sweet silence or Oruo's sarcastic comments. Or his imitations of Levi...Lena only knew them for two months and they had spent so little time together, but it was like they were almost one big more distant family. Like distant cousins who only appeared sometimes in some holiday but it was like nothing had changed by the time they were separated. The other nurses had always told her to not bounding with anyone. And, from the point of view of someone who wasn't in the Scout Regiment, maybe the last expedition had proven their point. But could that actually be possible?

After all, they were all fighting for the same thing, even if they fought for it in different ways. Bounding was something inevitable. Well...She had no time to think about that on that moment. A lot of paperwork was waiting for her to finish and, by the close of business, the gingerhead wouldn't be able to finish it all on that night. Taking another long sigh, Lena started filling the pages with the pen full of ink.

However, suddenly the freckled cheeks heard a noise. It was like noises of footsteps of someone running. It was midnight, how could someone be running in that hour? Continuing filling the paperwork, Lena tried to ignore that strange noise. It was pretty late and she was completely tired. Maybe she was starting to hear things.

The noise became closer and closer and even harder for Lena to ignore. Rolling her blue eyes with her eyebrows frowned, she gave a soft slap on her cheek. She had to focus on the paperwork and that was all.

"God, I must be really flipping out, now I'm hearing noises??" Lena whined to herself and wet the pen on the bottle of ink.

Then, in a sudden, someone opened the door of Lena's office in a glimpse. Letting a scream, the gingerhead got up from her chair, with a scalpel on her hand, in case someone was going to attack her. It wouldn't probably make any difference, but at least it could scare whoever was attacking her.

"Don't shout idiot! Be quiet!" The person of the door said in a whisper and came closer to Lena.

Lena calmed herself down and put her arm down with the scalpel, softening her expression when she saw Eren in the entrance of her office. On his face, was a tired yet frightened expression. He was in his sleep habit, a beige shirt and beige pants. That made Lena even more furious and unfocused. Frowning her eyebrows again, she came closer to Eren and thrown her scalp to the table.

"What in the Walls are you doing here Eren?? Did the fly of sleep not sting you because it should!!" Lena shouted in whispers completely furious to the brown haired boy. His response was to come closer to the gingerhead and grabbing her by her hand "And what are you-??"

"I don't have time for this you have to come with me...!!" Eren whispered, starting pushing Lena out of her office. The gingerhead was completely confused at what was happening.

"Wait no! Eren let go! Let go!!" Lena growled in anger while Eren continued pushing her through the corridors of the headquarters.

What was happening?? Lena had no idea what Eren was doing, she was even starting to think that was a dream. They ran through the dark corridors, making it hard for the gingerhead not to step on anything in the dark. If they continued like that, they were going to fall both on the ground. But it wasn't only that. What was going with Eren??

"Eren!! Are you flipping out or what?? Let me go!!"

"Be quiet you idiot...!!" Eren argued in another whisper. Lena tried desperately to release herself but that boy was way stronger than her.

"No!! If you don't let me go and explain me what's going on I will give scream and wake up Captain Levi and he's going to kick you where the sun doesn't shine!! You have three seconds! 1...2...-!" Lena continued arguing, leaving Eren no other choice but to let her go.

"UGH okay...!!"

Eren stopped running and let the gingerhead's hand go. Lena breathed heavily and caressed her own hand that was hurting from Eren's grabbing. She was completely off of what had just happened. She couldn't understand it. Just in a second, the freckled cheeks was sitting on her office wondering about life the way she always did and filling the paperwork and in another second, Eren was pushing her from her own office God knew why.

Frowning her eyebrows in irritation, her face becoming red of anger, Lena growled at Eren one more time. She came closer to the brown haired boy, who looked at her with a little bit of regret on her eyes.

"Who do you think you are to invade my office in the middle of the night, pushing me to run off the hellhole and hurting my hand...Without telling me what in the Walls is going on???" Lena whispered in complete annoyance and anger. Still caressing her hand, the freckled cheeks tried to calm herself down by taking a sigh.

"Armin is having a panic attack okay? Or whatever the hell that is" Eren tried to explain, looking even more rushed to start running through the corridors again. Lena opened widely her eyes once Eren tried to tell her what had been going on all that time "Look it had to be done, we have no time...! He's not breathing well and you're the only one who can help him...!"

"Armin..." Lena whispered to herself. Suddenly an image of a little Armin, reading all of his books and listening carefully to the gingerhead's singing crossed her mind. He couldn't be doing badly "Then what are we waiting for?? Let's go help the poor boy!!

"That's what I've been-! Ah, forget it!! It's like talking to a wall!"

Lena and Eren continued running through those dark corridors, only with some candles in the middle of it. Little did they know that the gingerhead wasn't the only one who was awake and listened to the footsteps of the 15 year old boy. A certain raven haired Captain was observing that scene from one of the corridors, with his grey eyes looking at them both. Armin was having a panic attack? Levi only hoped that wasn't a lie, he had never trusted that boy. But why would he lie so Lena could go with him? He only had one possibility in mind, but that possibility made his nerves boil and he couldn't make hasty conclusions.

But nevertheless he was going to follow them. Even if it wasn't all a lie, Eren should've waken up his superiors to address the problem, and not doing everything on the sly. Who could tell if that was a panic attack or something worse that would make incapacitated to train?  

They had finally arrived in the room of Eren and Armin. Once they entered, Lena came across with a heavy breathing Armin being embraced by Mikasa. The half Asian woman was sitting on the bed, resting her back on the wall, and the blonde boy was with his head lied on her chest in a fetus position. Mikasa kept telling him to calm down, but he just let go heavy breaths and moans in pain. The freckled cheeks opened widely her eyes and gasped.

"Armin...My sugarplum what's going on...?" Lena asked in the voice she always had when she was worried about someone. A sweet one mixed with sorrow and care "Oh my God he's so pale..."

The freckled cheeks' first instinct was to knelt beside him and holding strongly his hand. He only breathed heavily and moaned in pain. His face was pale as a ghost and tears were falling off his sky blue eyes. It was a terrible image to see...

"He's been like this for some minutes. Keeps talking about the female Titan and the last expedition..." Mikasa explained. Lena continued holding tightly his hands, whispering that everything was okay.

"Armin look at me....C'me one look at me...Slowly open your eyes..." Lena caressed his hands and turned his blonde bangs out of his face "C'me on, sugarplum all you have to do is open your eyes..."

Slowly, Armin started opening his blue eyes, who were shining but with fear and despair. However, he continued moaning and having difficulty to breath. Lena continued caressing his hands, kissing them and looking at his eyes that had the color of the sky. It was so painful seeing the blonde haired boy like that, hopefully he would be okay in a while...

"Everything is okay...You are okay...I am here, Eren and Mikasa are here...You are safe...." Lena said in a soft voice, almost in a whisper.

"I...I-I know who she is....I d-don't w-want t-to die..."- Armin whined, this time with less heavy breathing.

"Lena I think you should hold him instead" Mikasa commented. The gingerhead nodded her head and prepared to switch positions with the raven haired girl.

Quickly, Mikasa got up from the bed and stood beside Eren, both stepping back from one of the beds. Resting Armin on her chest, Lena embraced him like she embraced a teddy bear, caressing his hair and kissing his head. Only feeling the blonde haired boy's coldness. He was so cold it made shivers on her spine...

"Think about happy things...Like breathing fresh air in the middle of the mountains..." Lena said in the same soft, almost in a whisper, tone while Armin's breath slowly started to become calmer. "That's it...Continue...Think about finding that ocean you talk so much about. Breathing a fresh air and the joy you're going to feel when you find it...Breath slowly c'm one..."

Levi had arrived just on that moment. Staying slyly next to the door, he only took a few peaks at what was going on in that room. So that brat was telling the truth, the blonde haired boy was really having a panic attack. And Lena seemed to be calming him down. And for that, he decided not to interfere, after, it seemed like everything was under control. Even so, he decided to stay a little longer observing that scene discretely to see what they were going to do after that.

Tch, she treated him like if he was her son or something...

After one minute of slow breaths, kisses and caring words, Armin's breath was back to normal. He was already with some color on his cheeks and was finally able to calm down. Eren and Mikasa both sighed in relief and sit on the back with Lena and the blonde haired boy. All of them were smiling, except for Armin, who was blushed from his forehead to his chin.

"Guys...I'm so sorry for this..." Armin said, still with his head lied on the gingerhead's chest. Anyone could notice his embarrassment, but at least he wasn't pale compared to some minutes ago.

"Don't be sorry" Mikasa had only said, holding one of his hands.

"Mikasa is right... You had a panic attack or something similar, anyone can have one of those. What matters is that you are okay now" Lena also affirmed, still caressing the head of the blonde haired boy. Then her blue eyes went to the other two teenagers "I'm guessing this nights haven't been nice for you right?"

"Not really...We haven't had a good night of sleep in a while" Eren replied. He frowned his eyebrows in anger "Those damn Titans..."

Lena looked down with sorrow. It was true, they looked so tired. Eren and Armin had huge dark circles under their eyes. Mikasa looked the healthiest of the three but also looked pretty tired. That expedition had taken everybody's sleep. The freckled cheeks planned in leaving them to rest but...Would Armin be okay?

"Armin...You were saying something about the female Titan. That you knew who she was" Eren added to the conversation, breaking the gingerhead out of her thoughts.

"It's better if I tell you in the morning...We're too tired for that kind of information..." Armin replied, still a bit dizzy and his voice very weak.

"I'm staying the night with you two" Mikasa said determinated, making Eren look at her with his green eyes widened.

"Are you crazy, Mikasa?? If the superiors find out you're going to have a big trouble!" Eren argued.

"I don't care. I already took a risk by coming here in the middle of the night" The raven haired girl insisted and the other 15 year olds only took a long sigh. Mikasa was really stubborn when she wanted, they wanted where she had learned that. And, of course, they both looked at Lena.

"Lena! Tell her she shouldn't sleep here!" Eren continued, moving his eyes to the gingerhead and Lena laughed in response. Did that boy actually thought she was going to make Mikasa do anything?

"I think you do well, Mikasa! One night isn't like the others and your friends need you here" Lena commented, winking to the raven haired girl, who gave a little smile in response. Eren only rolled his eyes and took another sigh.

"I should've known, you're both stubborn asses..." Eren frowned his eyebrows in defeat. The other teens and adult only laughed at that scene.

Lena had missed being with them. No matter how many time passed, she would always love them as siblings. The state of Armin in that night had made her completely shocked, thanks God he was now okay. And hose three were still so lovely and wholesome, always supporting each other no matter what. It made the freckled cheeks so proud of them. They were so strong, so united...

But most important, they were alive...And they were well, at least for now...

"Lena, you should sleep here too" Mikasa said, this time caught Lena by surprise.

"Me?? No, no, no! I'm fine in my bedroom. If Judy doesn't see me in the morning, she's going to think I got kidnapped!" Lena laughed at the idea of the raven haired girl. Then, an idea popped in the gingerhead's mind. Putting a playful smile on her freckled face, Lena turned her eyes to Eren and Mikasa "But I have an idea. You two, come over here as well. Armin, go a little bit more to the side"

The two teenagers took a glance at each other a little bit confused. Lena was now under the sheets of the bed while Armin had done what the freckled cheeks had told him and moved to the side, with his head resting on Lena's shoulder and her arm around him. Then, they understood what she was meaning. Mikasa went immediately next to Armin, resting her head on his shoulder. The last one who was missing was Eren.

"Eren don't be a killjoy and come cuddle with us" Lena laughed at his reaction. It was like he didn't know much what to do.

"I'm not going to cuddle with you, I'm not a kid!" Eren frowned his eyebrows and looked at the side, completely embarrassed.

"C'me on, Eren. Just this once. Like Lena said, one night is not like the others" Armin replied, clearly enjoying that comfort his friends were giving him.

"Ugh fine...But I'm leaving before you two" Eren gave in, with no little that one insistence.

Lena giggled as Eren snuggled on her other side, resting his head on her shoulder. His face was so red she just wished he could see how he looked. After all, it had only taken one insistence, for him to come cuddle. He was so tired that his stubbornness disappeared. Lena took a long sigh after that...She was so comfortable and they looked so comfortable as well...

Levi only watched that scene...That woman's love blinded her completely... She couldn't be so attached with the soldiers like that. They could die at any moment. Didn't she realized that? Or didn't she want to realize? The last expedition had proven exactly his point, that no one should have close relationships with anyone. Because one day or another they would all be gone. Why did she insisted?

Either way... Lena was going to end up hurting herself one more time by being that close to them... They loved her and had a truly deep affection... But they could die. And the Captain was 100% sure she would lock herself in her room for a year if one of them died. But that didn't even matter, she made a bond with everyone she met in there. With almost every soldier... That was a completely strange thing for Levi's mind. How couldn't she not be afraid when she knew all of them could be gone at any time? Even the other nurses had warned her. But that woman was stubborn and insisted.

"Alright...We're all settled in, now I'm going to sing you a song and then, when you're already asleep I'm going back to my bedroom. To give you three a night of sleep that will compensate the others" Lena said to the three of them, admiring their cute sleepy expressions "Are you all comfortable?"

Their only reply was 'hmm hmm', which made the gingerhead giggle. Leaning her head on the wall, she hoped that song could give them the night of sleep and the comfort they were needing. And, especially, to make them know she would always be there for them.

(click the link and listen to the song :))

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lSR70LFR7U

"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels
Door bells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things

When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things

When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad..." Lena stopped singing and took a look at her childhood friends.

They were already sleeping and the three of them snoring quietly. The gingerhead gave them a kind and sweet smile... At least on that moment they looked peaceful... She only hoped they stood like that for the rest of the month. Either way, that sleep would be worth all sleepless nights since the last expedition

Lena sighed.... They were really tired... 

The gingerhead tried releasing her arms from around the teenagers, very carefully to not waking any of them up. But they had been so tired she was sure that not even with a trumpet playing next to their ears could waking them up. But, while the freckled cheeks was trying to get out of the bed, she took a look at the door and her heart seemed to pump out of her chest once she saw who was there.

The raven haired Captain peeking on the room. Once he saw her looking at him, Levi went out immediately of the room. The gingerhead 's beat fast and fast and she wasn't sure if she was ready to throw some words at the Captain and how he was a being a eavesdropper or if she would start excusing herself for not being on her bedroom. Why was Levi even in there? He had been avoiding her all that time and now he was spying on her?

Levi was outside the room, with his back on the wall, scratching the back of his head. She had caught him watching her...That was a really bad sign. He was already hearing her complaining about that and he the last thing he wanted on that moment was to talk to her. He knew perfectly that following them would end horribly and even so he decided to do it...He didn't want to talk to her, he couldn't do it...Otherwise he would not be able to stop...

Lena finally opened the door and faced herself with a tense Levi. The gingerhead crossed her arms and frowned her eyebrows, making a judgmental and suspicious look. 

"Lena-"

"I didn't know the job of a Captain required spying the nurses" Lena started harshly.

"Tch you really are full of yourself, big mouth. I heard noises in this place so I came here to see what was going on" Levi replied with his eyebrows also frowned while he looked down at her. She was still with her arms crossed, looking to the Captain with a confident look.

"Of course...Then how did you hear those noises if we were all whispering and speaking quietly huh??" Lena argued.

"You want to know how? I heard your loud voice echoing through the corridors, followed it and ended up in this mess. So before you accuse your superiors of anything, it's better if you know all the information" Levi continued, with his tone of voice so harsh it made shivers on Lena's spine. But she wouldn't let herself intimidate.

"O-Okay well...Then what are you going to do? Making me kiss the floor as punishment?" Lena asked, but became completely embarrassed once she gave the response. She put the hands on her face in frustration "God, I'm sorry sir...I'm just very tired! I'm going back to bed"

Lena started walking past Levi but the raven haired held carefully her wrist.

"Lena, wait-" Levi said quietly.

But once he turned Lena around to face him, he exaggerated on the strength and put their faces together by accident. Their foreheads were touching, so were their noses. Lena could even smell the raven haired's breath on hers, that breathed heavily, like he was running a marathon... She had never felt her heart beating so much faster than on that moment.... Levi, staring deeply into her eyes that made her almost faint... 

She found herself staring at his lips and observing the details of his face, with her cheeks completely red. His eyes, a cold blue, were not so cold comparing to the moment she had met him.... She didn't know what she was doing... It was like something was bigger than her...

They said nothing, only stood there close. Resting their foreheads in one another and their noses touching, overwhelmed with everything that was going on...

Levi also observed her features... Her bright blue eyes who seemed to shine everything they touched... Her tiny lips that gave him the same compassionate and kind smile of hers, her freckles. Such a simplicity and innocence, that made if wonder if people like Lena existed anymore. The way her air fell on her face while in a ponytail... Everything...

Then, both of them closed their eyes, only feeling their presence in each other, feeling how they had never felt... So close to each other... Like some magnetic force putting them together, and even closer that their lips barely touched...

The clock on the wall marked 1:30AM...

Chapter Text

Levi's heart beat like he never thought it ever could. He didn't even know it could beat that fast.... He was dying with her presence... It was like a drug, he had never consumed any drug more powerful than that...Her skin wasn't soft, having signs, marks and freckles in practically everywhere, but even so all he wanted to was to touch her. But then... Once like the same unknown force started pulling their faces even closer, to the point that their lips were almost touching each other... Levi realized what everything was going on. He opened his eyes, breathing heavily and took a few steps back.

They couldn't go any further...

"No, no, no...This cannot go on...Shit!" Levi said to himself, completely impotent, running his fingers through his hair.

"C-Captain...?" Lena asked, still dizzy and with her eyes closed, raising an eyebrow.

The freckled cheeks opened her eyes and observed a panicked Levi a few steps away from her. She still was breathing heavily and completely blushed. She was feeling so hot, all she wanted to do was put her hair in an even higher ponytail to fresh up...Still, not sure of what had just happened. It was like she was in a trance...Her heart was beating so fast, so fast it seemed like it was going to explode out of her chest. It wasn't the first time that had happened with Levi, but this time it seemed like it beat even faster, like the raven haired man could take her breath away even more...But why did she only felt that way with Levi?

"We're just very tired that's it...That's why I'm thinking these crazy things..." Levi replied quietly, still not looking at the gingerhead "I'm so sorry, Lena for all this mess... Go back to bed"

Levi started to walk front, past Lena. The gingerhead, still taking deep breaths, had her blue eyes wide opened and tried to process everything that was going on. They had gotten so close, it almost felt like they were going to put their lips together. Just thinking about that made Lena feel even hotter and blushed. But all of that was a completely mess. Why were they even doing that in the first place? And what did that even mean? When she saw Levi walking past her, turning his back on her, Lena only wanted to have answers. 

"Sir, wait! Tell me please what's going on!" Lena asked, completely perplexed and confused. Levi pretended not to listen to her, and continued walking front "Why have you been avoiding me all this time?? What are the crazy things that you're thinking??"

"Lena you're very tired damn it. Go back to bed. That's an order" He could only respond, not even looking at the gingerhead. Lena stood on the same place with tears falling from her blue eyes.

She had no idea what to do...Her mind was a mess and the only thing she wanted was answers from Levi. She could not just stand there and watching him use the Captain argument to get away with that. What had happened had nothing to do with that kind of relationship. Lena decided to stay on the same place, looking at the ground, feeling completely numb.

"Look I understand that you're going through a horrible mourning, as we all are..." Lena started, feeling even more tears falling down her blushed cheeks. She turned her head up, only to see Levi's back "But I just wanted to know what does that have to do with me!"

"It has nothing to do with you!"

"Then why do you avoid me like the plague??" Lena asked desperately, but keeping always quiet enough so the cadets couldn't hear "I would understand if you just didn't show up at night like we used to do or if you just wanted to have time alone, I would understand it but... You haven't even looked at me in the eyes. It's like I'm just a ghost..."

Levi gained courage and turned around to face her. And there she was crying her eyes out. He had no idea he had caused her so much sorrow...But Lena had to understand it was for her own good. He couldn't take a risk of hurting her even more, even if he would look like the bad guy. He continued warning himself and even so he had decided to follow her. He knew exactly what it was going to happen and even so he wanted to follow her...The only way to stop it was from stepping away once and for all...

"I am your Captain. You are our nurse. That's how it is and how it has to be" Levi stated, trying to make up a stoic and harsh posture. Even though deep inside he was completely helpless as well "Let's keep it that way and no one will get hurt. I don't want to discuss this further. Go back to bed and rest"

Levi continued walking front. His heart was breaking into even more pieces...Even if he thought he knew he was doing the right thing, something was telling him not to continue walking front. But Levi needed to have responsibility. A person like him couldn't have ordinary relationships with people. Especially with someone who was safe behind the walls. It wouldn't be fair to her and she already had multiple soldiers to worry about...

And even if he had a strong connection with Lena, he couldn't risk hurting her because of his own selfishness.

The gingerhead only stood there, watching the raven haired man walking front to his bedroom, or to wherever he was going, without stop. The tears couldn't stop falling from her cheeks... She was completely impotent and helpless. Why was Levi doing that? It made no sense. They got along and were acquaintances, what did he mean with 'no one will get hurt'? And why did it break her heart to watch her Captain walking away ...?

Lena was so confused, her head was a mess, her heart ached and she was too tired to process everything that was going on. She made the decision to go back to her bedroom and finally go to sleep. Her head and her heart were both a mess...Nothing like a good night of sleep wouldn't help.

After some minutes of walking, Lena finally arrived at her bedroom. Carefully not to wake up Judy, the gingerhead took off her swamp green dress and quickly put on her large and long white gown. Right after that, took off the elastic she was using to bun her hair, and let the messy orange curls fall on her shoulders. Still with millions of thoughts surrounding her, the gingerhead knelt on the ground again, next to the window and did what she always did when she needed answers to her questions. Praying to God, and to her now gone parents.

The gingerhead took a long sigh, that was going to be a long talk...

"Dear God, mamma, pappa that always help me in the worst times of my life...What is going on with me? I mean what is going on with me and Captain Ice Cube? Did you just hear what he say? That man isn't well on his head...First he starts to get closer, then he starts to pretend I'm invisible, then he comes even closer, then he acts like he just murdered someone and says we should have never gotten close? I'm sorry but this isn't normal" Lena complained quietly not to wake up Judy. Then, the freckled cheeks took a deep breath again and closed her eyes "I don't know what's going with me...I understand that he's not the easiest person in the Walls. But why can't I help being hurt? If it was in the beginning I would tell him to go thresh some corn but but I can't! Why can't I...?"

Lena touched her rosary and looked at the moon, waiting for some response. Which was absolute silence. The gingerhead sighed again...She wasn't going anywhere with that.

"My head is more shuffled than a deck of cards..." Lena said quietly "I'm sorry for having to hear my complains. God bless Captain Ice Cube and my sugarplums, who I hope must be sleeping. In the name of the father, of the son, and of the only spirit. Amen"

Lena blessed herself and got up from the ground. She only hope sleep could take that mess away...

...

On the next day at morning, Hange, Moblit and Lena were,finishing some biological experiences in the Headquarters' lab. It was a perfect idea for Lena to fresh her mind. She hadn't sleep very well, especially after that crazy night. With some rest of the lavender she had from the last time she had helped treating Levi with his insomnia, at least she was able to sleep a little bit. And it was pretty good considering of everything that had happened.

Her mind was always returning to the events of last night...The way she was so close to the Captain, with their lips almost touching...What was that feeling? Her heart had never beaten so fast and it seemed like she was going to stop breathing. It wasn't the first time Lena had felt that way with Levi but...But that was even more intense and magnetic. It was like everything wanted to make them even closer. Like a force pushing them to one another. Or...Maybe that force was Lena herself.

Could she actually be....In love with Levi?

No, that couldn't be. Lena was there on God's will. Besides he hardly knew him...What she was feeling was probably only lust mixed with deep friendship and affection. Levi was such an handsome man it was normal that any woman wanted to be closer to him...But why did she start crying when he started to walk front? Why did her heart break into a million pieces when he said they couldn't be anything else but Captain and nurse? Why did she cried her eyes out once she arrived in her bedroom. Why was she always dreaming about him?

The freckled cheeks was so confused....Her heart surely knew how to pull its tricks on her...

"Lena, are you okay?" A voice asked, breaking her away from her confused thoughts. The gingerhead turned her head to the direction of the voice and came across with a Moblit with a worried expression.

That was right...She was still helping Hange and Moblit with their experiences. Her eyes wandered around the dark room under the headquarters and saw also a worried brunette. How long had she been zoned out with only her thoughts and feelings? The gingerhead wasn't sure, but she could only remember the beginning of the experiences. They were probably completely angry at her for not paying attention. It was a good idea to fresh up her mind and it didn't seem to be working.

"Yeah, I think? Where were we? In Titan's anatomy?" Lena asked, touching her head a bit dizzy.

"We were discussing Armin's theory about the female Titan. Lena where has you head been on this hour?" Hange asked, with a worried voice and a sweet smile. 

"God, I'm sorry Hange...My head has been more there than here..." Lena sighed and started walking to rest her hands on the table in the middle of the room "But you were saying something about the female Titan?"

Hange took a long sigh and folded the big pages that were on the wooded table. Lena felt so guilty about wasting the brunette's time. She had agreed in helping them and useless was the best word to describe her on that moment. Looking down, completely embarrassed, Lena caressed her own hands in hope for that shame to calm down.

Moblit observed the gingerhead with curiosity. It wasn't like her being that quiet. Sure she could be a head in the clouds sometimes, but always with a smile and energy...He was starting to get worried.

"It's better if we stop for today. We are in advance on the research so, no worries" Hange put her hand on the gingerhead's shoulder and she gave her a sweet smile "But you have to make an effort to pay attention even if your head is more there than here"

"Yes Captain- I mean yes Hange!!" Lena quickly said with her cheeks completely red. That made the brunette raise one eyebrow. Why did she have a feeling that she knew exactly what was going on? "I'm so sorry again, you two..."

"Don't worry about it. We have been working fine by ourselves- not that we don't need you!" Moblit tried to say but failed miserably, he was already blushing and stuttering "I-I mean...You work has been helpful, but l-like Hange said, we have work in advance so...So don't worry..."

"Moblit is right! But for today that's enough... We have training to do at the afternoon, maybe a bit of rest until the lunch" Hange said, this time going to Moblit's side and resting her arm on his shoulder.

"Then I'll get going as well...Thank you so much..." Lena said, still her voice sounding weak. 

The freckled cheeks let go her ginger hair that was hidden in the same flower kerchief and started walking towards the door. Already with her thoughts taking advantage of her, she felt something grabbing her hand. Letting a confused 'huh?', she faced Moblit's brown eyes again.

"I'm sorry to bother you Lena but..." A kind of blushed and hesitant Moblit said "I just wanted to know if...Whatever is going with your head...Do you want to talk about it? O-Only if you want of course!"

"I can try... But I warn you is not going to make much sense... Because not even I understand what's going on inside this head" Lena said, with a small smile. Moblit returned it and took a little sigh.

"I'll be sure to make an effort to understand" Moblit said kindly, which made Lena's chest warm.

She didn't know Moblit very well but they had talked a few times and he seemed like a sweetheart. As well as trustful person. And he was being very kind to her in that moment. She really needed someone to unburden... At least to try to put together those ideas.

"Thank you Moblit...Let's go?" Lena gave him a more excited smile. Right after that, the brown haired man and the gingerhead started walking outside so they could breath more fresh air.

Hange observed that scene carefully. She was a bit septic about Moblit and Lena. The gingerhead was so oblivious that she didn't understand that her loyal subordinate had a crush on her. And she only had eyes for Levi, even if the freckled cheeks wouldn't admit it or even recognize it.

The brunette sighed... She only hoped Moblit wouldn't get hurt in the process...

Well... At least he would help her to clear her mind and who knew...? Maybe she could be wrong about her theory. And thinking about that, Hange herself would be sure to ask Levi if he had anything to do with that.

...

Moblit and Lena had gone to the outside part of the headquarters. In a more isolated part, very a very beautiful one. With lots of trees, little forest animals that sometimes showed up. The only people there were some soldiers with individual training, who looked at them with curious looks. The day was pretty sunny and a sweet breeze blew in their faces.

"So...What has been going inside that head of yours?" Moblit asked, making Lena taking a long sigh.

"I wish I knew too Moblit...But this head of mine is messier than a dinner table in Christmas eve..." Lena said, still looking down at her yellow flower patterned summer dress "My ideas are all shuffled... And even if sometimes I know what I have, other times I just try to ignore it..."

"Well but that has to come from somewhere. Do you know at least where that mess comes from?" Moblit asked, trying to understand Lena's problem. Her responses was always after long sighs... She was probably really confused.

"I do... But at the same time I wish I didn't...." Lena simply answered, with her eyes full of frustration and confusion.

"Do you mind if I ask what it is?"

Lena looked at Moblit with puppy eyes. She wasn't sure if she would tell him. No one but Hange knew of her and Levi 'friendship'. But he was her helper after all and he was completely loyal to the brunette. Also he was being so kind to her and she knew he just wanted to help her.

Moblit was also very surprised by the look on her face. She was really confused and that confusion was messing with her head. He only hoped he could help her at least clearing her mind.

"It's more like a who instead of a what..." Lena sighed and looked down at her feet. Then, she tried desperately put into words how Levi made her feel "He never leaves my mind. And when I'm with him, it's like I can't think straight and he takes my breath away and my heart seems like it's going to explode. But, one time he does a thing, then he does another and leaves me completely confused. I mean, it's not him that makes me confused. I make myself confuse too... I have no idea what it's going on my head...I know that wasn't very clarifying but... That's what I'm feeling... "

"I see... You're trying to say that you're in love then?" Moblit asked, making Lena face his eyes. It made shivers on the brown haired man's spine. Her eyes were so vulnerable, like they were afraid of a gun. But they were also so helpless... "Oh... So that's what has been messing your head..."

Moblit's heart broke a little... He wasn't expecting Lena to be in love with someone. But she did seemed like a person who loves very much and a lot of soldiers fancied her... So he guessed he had seen it coming. How could he actually have thought he had a chance...?

"And this person that you're talking about... Does he love you?" Moblit asked.

Lena frowned her eyebrows, thinking about that question... Could Levi love her? Levi in love was something no one could imagine, he didn't even have any close and intimate friendships, much less a relationship. But those he spent listening to her, what had happened on the night before?

Could that cold as ice Captain be in love with someone like Lena? It felt almost impossible and unimaginable. But then she remembered that he said relationships were too complicated, that they had no space for love in the world they lived in. So even if he was also in love with her, he would always deny a relationship... Or he wouldn't even recognize what he was feeling.

"I think he also has no idea...He's more confused than a person in a road with no indications for anywhere. Not even with a map... " Lena said "But even if he was, it doesn't matter... He says no to love..."

"But do you still want to figure out your feelings, right?"

"I do...Because I'm here in God's will and... If I'm in love, it's going to feel like I missed completely my purpose of coming here in the first place..." Lena held her own arms with her hands, touching the fabric of her yellow summer dress. She was really vulnerable talking about that subject..

"Then I would recommend you to start paying more attention to how he makes you feel. You said that he takes your breath away right?" Moblit asked and Lena nodded her head "Then, the next time you are together, see if you actually enjoy being with him, if you can imagine yourself being with him forever. And then you'll have your answer..."

"And what if I am? What am I supposed to do?" Lena asked, looking at him again, with already with some tears forming on her sky blue eyes.

"I guess you just have to live with it... And..." Moblit took a long sigh "And most importantly to understand that maybe your paths have to be separate ones...And that sometimes you meet the right person in the wrong time"

Lena gulped. She was so scared of that... Just why did she have to develop those complicated feelings for that Captain Ice Cube?

"But you shouldn't stress so much over that. You're going to figure out your feelings sooner or later. When you know, you will know" Moblit smiled kindly, and out his hand on her shoulder, that was much below his "Trust me..."

"That was a really helpful advice..." Lena said softly, already with a bigger and more genuine smile, looking kindly at Moblit "Thank you so much for this, Moblit...You're as sweet as honey..."

Moblit also gave her a smile, a bit of a sad one. His heart was aching a little, but at the same time he was very happy he had been able to help the gingerhead with her dilemmas. And now that she was finally better, he didn't regret speaking from his heart. Dealing with Hange everyday he was far more used to giving the brunette's advice and she gave him hers. And she had always told him to speak from his heart.

He was happy Hange was right.

"You don't have to thank me. Now is your mind more clear or not?" Moblit chuckled, messing her orange hair. Which made her laugh for the first time in some hours. The freckled cheeks pulled his long arm away from her head, with both of them laughing.

"Yes, it definitely is! But now, let's not talk about my crazy head anymore. Do you mind if I ask you a question?" Lena asked, with her eyes already shining more and with already some color on her freckled cheeks.

"No, of course not" Moblit replied sweetly, with his cheeks already getting redder.

"Why did you decide to enter in the military?" Lena asked with her eyes shining with curiosity. He was surprised by that question. He had never thought Lena wanted to know something about him...

"Well... I always loved and looked up to the Scouts. Always wanted to see the outside world, fighting for freedom... Even though my parents didn't have the same opinion, I decided to join..." Moblit replied with a sweet and kind smile "But...Why do you ask?"

"Nothing... I just wanted to get to know you better. We're always helping Hange with her experiences, it could be nice if we got to know each other a little" Lena gave him another sweet smile "I really admire the scouts as well. I think you're utterly amazing people, you're more noble than the aristocrats from Sina"

"Well...Don't exaggerate... I'm just a Section Commander helper. I'm not any hero like Captain Levi or Commander Erwin" Moblit looked down and scratched his head with embarrassment.

The mention of Levi made Lena feel butterflies on her stomach and her cheeks blushing even harder. Just remembering the events of that night made her almost faint and feeling  her cheeks completely hot, like she was going to burn.

"D-Don't say that! You're fighting for Humanity! To give us the freedom we deserve! Everyone of you is a hero, even the supporters" Lena tried to say awkwardly and smiled compassionately.

She did meant what she had said. It weren't only the soldiers or the medics or the nurses who made a difference but also the supporters of the Survey Corps, which there weren't many. For example her sister Louise and her husband.

"Yeah, I guess you're right..." Moblit chuckled.

Lena and Moblit continued walking around the Headquarters, chatting and laughing. Perhaps that was just what she needed to clear her mind...

While a certain Captain was staring at them with not so satisfied look at one of doors.

Levi hadn't seen her since last night...

His mind fought to resist the memories of those events...He only hoped Lena didn't remember some parts, since she was pretty tired. Thinking about how close they got, even if it was by accident...It was like someone was stabbing his chest, but a sword full of fire...It had broken his heart, or at least what it was left of his heart, to tell her those things. And his mind was an absolute mess. He didn't even know what he was feeling about that anymore.

Then he realized that he was doing exactly what he did the night before. Observing her from a distance. He had to stop that... Besides looking a like fucking creepy stalker, he knew damn well it wasn't going to change anything. It would only make the situation worse...

The raven haired man took a long sigh in frustration...

"Leviiiiii!" He heard a voice calling. Turning around, he saw the same overly excited scientist coming at him with a bunch of papers "We got already all these experiments done!! It's so great that we get to do it with Eren!! Can we-?"

Levi was just watching carefully the redhead and the brown haired man talking with each other as they walked. Of course seeming chill and relaxed, even with his usual stoic and serious posture. Nobody would notice any slight difference in the Captain. However, Hange knew exactly what was going on.

"You seem off what's wrong?" The scientist said with a playful smile and a an eyebrow raised, looking towards the redhead and the brown haired man's direction.

"Nothing is wrong with me, four eyes" Levi commented with his arms crossed and resting against the wall, finally facing the mad scientist

"Ohh there is definitely something wrong with you" Hange said, giggling "Now would you give your old pal Hange a clue?

"Even if it was something wrong with me, I would never tell you in a million years. You're so loud even those shitty Titans would know" Levi had only said. Hange gave him kind smile, already seeing what was going on.

"Now you don't need to be so mean, you know you can tell me anything!" Hange laughed in a comedic way which made Levi roll his eyes even more "Okaaayy! I'm going to trust your judgment! But don't do the same with Lena!"

Levi almost choked in his own saliva when the mad scientist mentioned the ginger haired woman.

"Tch! What does that big mouth have to do with this?"

"She told me you've been avoiding her, can you tell me why?" Hange asked. She knew why Levi had been avoiding her and, just like she had said to Lena, she respected his decision. But as Lena was completely off and a bit depressed on that day, Hange couldn't help but get suspicious about that 'separation'.

"That woman is so full of herself it's unbelievable. I'm not avoiding anyone" Levi replied in an irritated tone. Just what he was expecting... "I've just been busy..."

"Alright! I'm going to trust you as I always do! But remember you can always ask me for advice! See ya at training shorty" Hange exclaimed, still letting some giggles and walked front in her way to the cafeteria to have lunch. Levi, however was only looking at her with the tired and sarcastic expression he always did.

His eyes went back on the gingerhead and the brown haired man. It was odd seeing those two hanging out. After all, they were completely different. Moblit was put together, responsible and reserved. Lena was a hurricane, too outgoing, clumsy and forgetful as hell. She was practically hanging the all the conversation. But after all. Levi and Lena were even more different and they had a connection so strong...

"Tch" Levi had only said as he took off his back from the wall and walked to his office to finish paperwork before lunch.

His mind was slowly turning into Titan's shit. He had no business in two adults' life. So why did he suddenly feel strange by seeing them together? Like he was going to puke. Seeing Lena talk so at ease with a blushed and awkward Moblit. It made him feel so sick and uncomfortable but Levi didn't exactly know why. He never gave a damn about his subordinates' love life.

Levi needed to understand he didn't have anything to do with Lena's life anymore. Actually, he never had. He couldn't let the gingerhead rely so much on someone who could die at any minute so much. He only hoped the last night was explanatory to her. She would thank him later, he was sure of it...

Even thought, at the same time, it didn't feel right at all...

Chapter Text

"Alright...The plan for the capture of the female Titan is almost done. It might be risked, but we have to give everything we've got. And most impor-" Commander Erwin was saying, but stopped immediately once he realized a certain Captain was not paying attention.

Levi and Erwin were in the Commander's office, almost finishing the plan to finally capture the female Titan, in human form of course. Armin had immediately gone to Erwin once he had discovered who that human probably was. It would be risked, but it was a matter of life or death. And it was unusual seeing Levi, who was always so focused on work, distracted by something he didn't exactly know what it was. Even though he had his suspects.

"Levi?" Erwin tried to gain his attention, by calling out his name with a smirk.

The raven haired man turned his eyes at him. He was standing with his back resting on the wall. But before that, he was looking at the window next to him. His mind still went back to that night's events...He only hoped Lena didn't remember some parts, since she was pretty tired. Hopefully she could just think all of that had been a dream. Thinking about how close they got, even if it was by accident...It was like someone was stabbing his chest, but a sword full of fire...It had broken his heart, or at least what it was left of his heart, to tell her those things. And his mind was an absolute mess. He didn't even know what he was feeling about that anymore.

He also couldn't stop thinking about her and Mobit...The tightness in his chest and the sickness he was feeling...He had no idea what was going inside his head anymore. Levi frankly thought he was going insane, as if he wasn't already insane...

"What?"

"Is something wrong? That's not like you to zoom out when we're having a conversation" Erwin said, already suspecting everything that was going on. Levi took a sigh and looked at the side.

"Private stuff. It's none of your damn business, Commander" Levi harshly replied.

"Oh? If it's affecting your work I think it's of my business indeed" Erwin got up from the chair he was sitting to pour some tea into his teacup "Is your mourning not going well? Do you need more privacy?"

"I think about my soldiers everyday but it's nothing like that. And I don't have to tell you any shit about my private life" Levi continued, stepping away from the wall and walking front. Erwin gave him another playful smile.

"Wow, whatever it is it must be really getting into your head. In a normal day, Levi would just tell me to eat shit and leave the room once the reunion was already over" Erwin said, taking a gulp of his cup of tea.

"Is the reunion over, can I fucking leave?" Levi finally faced Erwin's blue eyes. That bastard had a damn smirk all over his face "What the hell are you smiling for?"

"I just thought about something...Have you...Have you never seen Elena anymore?"

Levi's muscles tensed once Erwin said her name. He only wanted to know why he had brought that subject suddenly. He only hoped he didn't know anything, but Levi had no time or mind to discuss that subject with the blonde man. He had already discussed that with Hange before the reunion.

"I don't have time for this, I'm leaving. If you don't have anything of important to say I'm waking out that door" Levi warned with his eyebrows frowned, pointing towards the door with his arm. 

"Hange came telling me something this morning...She said Lena has been very down and distracted" Erwin ignored his reply and put his eyes back on the tea.

"What the fuck does that have to do with me?" Levi asked, raising his eyebrow.

"And you've been like that too. Hasn't she been treating your leg?"

"No, she hasn't..." Levi sighed...

Levi had hurt his leg in the last expedition and Erwin had told him to go to Lena for physiotherapy if it didn't get better. But he never did because he was already in a fragile moment and didn't dare to talk to her again. And now that that mess had happened, he wouldn't go to her for real...

"Mind if you tell me why? Wasn't she supposed to help you heal your leg?"

"I'm treating my leg on my own and I'm fine doing it. If it doesn't get better I'm going to talk to her okay?"

"Levi, this is serious. Tell me the truth, you know you can confide in me" Erwin insisted and got up from the chair he was sitting "Has she being getting too much on your nerves and you got mad at her?"

Levi faced the blonde man with the same serious and stoic expression and Erwin did the same. Like a game of cat and rat, with the Commander as the cat who was going to discover what the Captain had been hiding. There was no point in lying to Erwin, after all, he had his undeniable trust and Levi had never regretted trusting him once. Besides he was going to find out eventually, he was too smart.

Before, he started telling him everything, Levi took a long sigh.

"She is getting on my nerves...But it's not in the way you think..." Levi started, closing his eyes and putting his hand on his head "When Lena was treating my insomnia, we got...We started to get to know each other better. We started talking and unburdening and all of that shit. I mean she unburdened with me, not the other way around..."

"That was before the expedition am I correct?" Erwin asked, still feeling a little sensitive about the last expedition.

"Yeah...We used to spend a lot of time talking and.....I guess I bounded with her, a strong connection built between us...At least, I felt that..." Levi continued, looking down at his feet with his eyes full of sorrow and longing "Then I realized it was too late....I had to step away from her. I shouldn't make a connection like this with anyone. Especially with someone who's safe behind the walls. It wouldn't be fair to her. So I recently told her that...We couldn't see each other like we used to anymore. And maybe she is upset, but she has to understand it's for her I'm doing this...."

Levi finished speaking, and he felt like a huge weight had been taken away from his back. He wasn't being completely honest with Erwin, there was another reason why he was afraid...But nevertheless, he and Lena couldn't rely so much on each other. They were just going to end up hurt. It wasn't fair and it needed to stopped.

"I see...I guess understand what's going on now..." Erwin sighed, looking at the table "But Levi...If this decision is bothering you both so much why don't you just give in on it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Lena doesn't seem worried about that issue. So why don't you just give in to that 'strong connection' or whatever you want to call it?"

Levi sighed and closed his eyes at Erwin's response. 

"Lena is very young...She spent 5 years of her life in a convent. She's naive and doesn't understand anything about life" Levi insisted, already tired of having that conversation "It would be a fucking irresponsibility"

"A greater irresponsibility is what's going on right now. Elena's completely off, you are off. If she is alright with bounding with someone like you, why would you want to decide what's better for her or not?" Erwin looked directly into Levi's eyes. The raven haired man felt shivers on his spine...He was using the same old manipulation technique "Lena simply has a different view of life than you...You two grew up in very different environments. You can't just say that the way she views life is wrong"

Levi looked down again...It didn't matter anymore to try lying to Erwin. He was too smart and wouldn't leave him the hell alone if he didn't tell him the whole picture. And even if he didn't, that man was going to discover himself with his power of deduction.

Here it went...

"I also don't think I am capable of holding that kind of thing..." Levi replied, looking down. For the first time in that strange conversation, he had shown a bit of vulnerability on his eyes and voice. It was rather a new thing to see, Erwin thought "The only people who have my inherent trust is you and four eyes and that is because we've worked together for years. I'm just...Afraid of letting another person emotionally in my life. Because who knows what can happen? Who tells me it's not going to happen to her the shit that happened to the others?"

"Levi, Lena is not going anywhere. She is not a soldier" Erwin insisted, stepping firmly on the ground, even if he was sitting.  Levi looked down...Erwin didn't understand his point.

"My mother wasn't a soldier either..."

Erwin bite his tongue in regret. Levi was a really complicated person when it came to emotions, and he didn't judge him. He's had a terrible life. The only love he had ever felt ended up going away in merciless ways... His mother, then the two of his best friends, and everyone he knew. It had been a rough life indeed, maybe he didn't even thought he deserved to have someone like Lena on his side.

He probably, or more like certainly, didn't even know that what he felt for Lena was love, and not just a 'strong connection' like he was calling. He never really believed in those kinds of things and never had the proper examples of romantic love in this life... 'Love is just  for the naive ones', he used to say...And now he didn't know how to react to that kind of situation. Even not knowing that what he felt for her was indeed love. But who could blame him after all?

And of course, that Erwin couldn't blame him for that either...

"Very well then... I respect your decision" Erwin finally said, returning to his serene persona.

"Tch of course you do. It's my private life and you're not my dad" Levi said, rolling his eyes.

"But, if it's really your final decision, at least talk to Lena. Did you have at least a conversation about it?" Erwin asked, and Levi cringed at that memory.

He remembered perfectly the way Lena was crying her eyes out and begged him for saying why he was avoiding her. And he gave her dry responses. Levi only wanted to get out of there. And not interacting with the gingerhead anymore, it would only make things worse...

"We talked but it was a bit on the heat of the moment... Not a 'conversation'" Levi explained, scratching his net with a little bit of blush on his cheeks.

"Then talk to her again, Levi. Have a proper conversation about it" Erwin adviced, always serene and calm about it. Levi listened to him carefully "Tell her your story, have her understand your decision. Confusion can hurt a person more than you think"

Levi looked at the ground one more time. It would be hard facing Lena again after that night... But Erwin was absolutely right. He needed to have a proper conversation with the gingerhead that night. To clarify everything and tell her the truth. At least she wouldn't suffer so much, hoped...

However, telling her his story was a completely frightening thing. Lena was going to finally see the monster that was behind all of that organized, intimidating and controlling persona. So, even if Lena still insisted on not separating themselves, she would go away by her own decision...Like everyone else did...

Even though he was sure that looking directly at her lonely blue eyes would make him regret every word he would say...

"I'll be sure to do that, thanks Commander" Levi replied, taking off his back of the wall. He faced Erwin one more time, just to see his playful smile. He was probably having too much fun with that "If you don't take that bastard's smile on your face and I'll regret my gratitude"

"Alright, I'll do my best to keep it" Erwin replied, chuckling "And you're welcome"

Levi went out of the room and started walking towards the corridors. He already knew what he had to do. It would be hard, but it had to be done, whether he wanted or not.

...

A few hours passed and it was already dinner time.

Lena was in the cafeteria, having dinner with Armin, Mikasa, Eren, Jean, Sasha, Connie, Reiner, Ymir and Christa. Basically all of the cadets. Everyone found it strange having a 23 year old having dinner with the youngest members of all, but the gingerhead couldn't care less. She loved those kids.

"So...I told the Commander about my theory and he said to me that they are going to find a plan to confirm it"  Armin explained carefully about his theory of the female Titan. He said he believed it was a girl named Annie, that was a colleague of them in the military school. A very cold and distant girl, but she was almost identical to the female Titan "Although first they want to see it from themselves. So, first they are probably going to observe her in the Military Ball"

"This is all so crazy..." Lena commented, with her hands on her freckled face "Who would've thought that you will be fighting a human and not a Titan? It almost doesn't feel real"

"Especially Annie, who would've guessed that cold ass girl could be actually a freaking Titan shifter" Jean added, then resting his hand on the table "There is just too many questions that need answers and if we lose it now we're screwed"

"Thank God they're first going to observe her in the Military Ball. Maybe they'll be able to believe in you, Armin" Christa said, with her always soft voice and sweet blue eyes.

"That's right, the Military Ball is just two weeks away" Eren said in a bored tone.

Lena frowned her eyebrows. She had never heard anyone talking about a Military Ball. At least no the nurses.

"Wait, what Military Ball?" Lena asked, a bit confused. 

"You don't know what the Military Ball is???" Sasha asked completely shocked, still smashing her potato on the mouth.

"Don't talk with your mouth full, that's gross potato girl" Ymir commented.

"The Military Ball is an event they are going to make in honor the military branches and the already gone soldiers who died fighting for the Humanity" Armin explained.

Suddenly Lena's eyes got brighter. A ball? How come no one told her that? She wondered if that was a big ball like the ones she had read in fairy tales and romantic novels... With beautiful gowns, dancing in the moonlight in a big ballroom with classical music playing.

"And is it like a ball ball?? Like those on that big ballrooms, dances, fancy dresses and music that we read in novels??" Lena asked, with her blue eyes shining like a child.

"Well... For the all those MP pigs are organizing it, it probably is" Jean replied, taking a piece of meat.

Lena's eyes shined even more...Imagining herself in a big blue ball gown and having a drink of a fine champagne.

But she also automatically thought of a handsome Levi in a suit, dancing with her in the moonlight. Her cheeks immediately went all red just to think of that. She would be lying to herself if she said she didn't want that to happen...

"I can't wait to see my Christa in a cute ball gown" Ymir smiled and put her hand around the blonde girl's, which made her giggle.

"And it's gonna have so many good and the best food if the walls!! Oh my God... I'm already imagining..." Sasha sighed dreamily and closed her eyes. Probably dreaming about the food she was going to find.

"You're so excited for nothing. Wearing a suit all night and having to deal with that pigs of MP's and rich people? I'll pass" Eren complained, crossing his arms.

"C'me one, Eren. I bet it's going to be fun" Mikasa said to the brown haired boy, blushing as well.

"So are you all going?" Lena asked, still with her shiny eyes thinking about Levi in a suit. But at the same time trying to resist her thoughts.

"It's mandatory for the newbies. So Eren has no choice but to go" Reiner chuckled. All of the table laughed along along him.

"Ah ah, very funny guys. You'll know I'm right once you arrive there" Eren rolled his eyes and gulped a little of his drink.

"Do you know if the nurses have to go as well?" Lena asked, with her eyes full or curiosity. The freckled cheeks couldn't lie, she really wanted to go.

"I have no idea, but I heard you can choose to go or not" Armin shrugged his shoulders with a smile on his face "But you should ask your older colleagues. I'm sure they know better than us"

"I'm going to right after dinner!" Lena replied, smiling excitedly.

"Why would you even want to go to that crap?" Eren asked with a disgusted expression.

"Don't you see, Eren? It's a ball!! You get to wear beautiful dresses, see beautiful women, handsome men, music all night long!!" Lena smiled and sighed dreamily, imagining what could that ball be...That was no doubt the gingerhead really wanted to go "I would die to go to one of those..."

She wondered if Levi was going to as well. Knowing him, he would be probably cursing his life to have to attend an event like those. And he would just probably stand there the whole night with the same tired expression asking what he was doing there.

The gingerhead smiled, she definitely wanted to see it happening. But most importantly, she would be there with him all night, him even more handsome in a tuxedo, in the moonlight...Dancing with her in a beautiful blue ball gown all night...

Then, she felt her cheeks blushing one more time when she realized what she was thinking and a great sadness hit her. Levi wouldn't dance with her... Because he didn't want to be with her... How naive Lena was. That raven haired man wanted her as far as possible... And even if he did love her, he wouldn't want to be with her as well. Although Lena found that hard to believe.

How could a Captain, Humanity's Strongest Soldier be in love with someone like her? A ridiculous woman who failed even at being a nun...

And... Why was she sad? Was that because she was actually in love with him? It had been years since she had loved someone... Since Adam, her first love, went away. Perhaps she was mixing things up.

"Well I agree with the redhead. It's going to be pretty fun" Reiner commented, always seeming chill and relaxed.

Lena went back to the reality. She gave a shy smile to them. Always losing herself in her thoughts it was unbelievable... But at least being with her sugarplums and her other friends made her feel better.

...

"I'm telling you, one time a soldier was afraid of needles and he just started screaming whenever he came to an appointment" Helga's laugh echoed in the corridors, as Lena walked beside him.

After dinner, she had gone to help the blonde haired woman with some laundry she had. The gingerhead wanted any excuse to not deal with a night full of paperwork and she never minded helping her dear colleagues.

"Oh my God, how could someone fight Titans and be afraid of needles??" Lena laughed at the story Helga was telling her, holding a basket full of washed clothes.

"Well, he wasn't the bravest soldier in the Walls. He died still in his first year. But despite that strange fear he was a very sweet boy. May God bless him" Helga continued with her voice soft as it always was.

"May God bless him..." Lena said more quietly. The Scout Regiment was such a cruel place, it took the purest souls away. As she was already seeing Helga in a sad mood, Lena decided to change the subject "By the way Helga... Do you know anything about a Military Ball?"

"The Military Ball? Yes, it's a ball all the Military Police is organizing for all the soldiers do some weeks from now. Why do you ask?" Helga asked in a suspicious voice, stopping in front of the door of her office.

"Yes, that ball! Do you know if nurses are invited as well?" Lena asked, raising an eyebrow with curiosity.

Helga seemed to be caught in surprise. She frowned her eyebrows and her green eyes formed a curious look.

"Why would we go? We're not soldiers. We don't go out there risking our lives every month" The blonde haired woman chuckled, crossing her chubby arms in confusion.

Lena went disappointed with that information... She wouldn't go to that ball to live what she loved, neither she would see Levi in a tuxedo. Or having fun with her friends, and listening to music all night long...

"Oh...Then we're not going?" Lena asked with puppy eyes, very disappointed.

"You wanted to go, tulip?" Helga asked. She had flower nicknames for all of the nurses, 'tulip' was Lena's and she found it so cute.

"I did...I just wanted to spend a night like that at least once in my life. I'm always reading about those balls in books...And my older sister who lives in Sina is always telling me about it.... I wanted to try too..." Lena smiled dreamily, thinking of those memories. Her expression suddenly changed to frowned eyebrows and held tightly the basked full of laundry "Just why can't the nurses go? Aren't we contributing as well to Humanity's victory? Those rich soldiers must think they're better than us!"

"Lena, you know perfectly we aren't in the same level as them. Don't argue" Helga put her hand on her soldier in hopes to calm the revolt of the gingerhead "We don't fight for our lives everyday. It is true that we help them but to them, that help isn't enough"

"I know Helga... I was so excited to go" Lena went back to her disappointed expression.

"Who knows? Maybe you will! I heard the soldiers can bring a guest. Maybe one of them can invite you to be his pair" Helga gave her a playful smile, the gingerhead still holding the nest full of laundry.

The gingerhead's blue eyes widened and shined as she let another smile.

"Really? You think that could happen?" Lena asked with her very widened and a hopeful smile. Helga only shrugged her arms, still smiling playfully.

"Who knows? But remember what me and the others told you" Helga switched her playful expression to a more serious one "No relationships with the soldiers. It's not forbidden but it's not a good idea. You're already taking much risks of having your friends in here"

"Yeah Helga, I know" Lena rolled her eyes with a smile "I came here on God's will, after all"

"I really hope so...I really hope you don't get your heart stolen by any soldier. It would be really unfair for you" Helga commented, raising an eyebrow in suspicion "It wouldn't be the first time a nurse got her heart broken by a soldier who died out there. God I know that better than anyone..."

Lena could feel the deep sorrow on Helga's voice. She remembered perfectly the story of how Helga's first love, when she was about the gingerhead's age had died in a expedition. That blonde haired woman truly loved him and he disappeared in a second. It was normal that the nurses warned not to get attached to the soldiers. Helga wasn't the first and she certainly wouldn't be the last to have her heart broken. The Scout Regiment was a very hard place, after all.

"I know, I know Helga..." Lena smiled in hopes of having the older nurse to understand .

"I'm not trying to make you feel pity for me, I'm just giving you advice" Helga gave another sweet smile. Suddenly, she took the other basket of laundry that the gingerhead had in her arms "Thank you so much for your help, tulip. Now, go to sleep"

"You're welcome. And don't worry so much about me, I'm tougher than steal!" Lena chuckled, caressing her own hands and giving the blonde woman a sweet smile.

"I don't. I just don't want to see that golden heart of yours aching" Helga said sweetly to the gingerhead. Her eyes were full of care and friendship, Lena was so lucky to have such kind women working with her.

"Helga, your heart is the golden one here...You're sweeter as honey" Lena smiled kindly to the blonde haired woman

"Well then, have a goodnight, tulip" Helga said, opening the door of her dorm hardly because of the two baskets of laundry in her arms.

"Goodnight, sleep with the angels!" Lena replied, giving her a flying kiss.

After Helga closed the door, Lena started walking to where they came from to go to her office, ready for another night of paperwork.

The gingerhead thought about what Helga had told her. It wasn't the first time her colleagues told her not to mess with the soldiers. To not get heart stolen by any of them, that she would have her heart broken. The freckled cheeks never worried much about it. She wasn't interested in finding anyone, her focus was to find God's will and to treat the soldiers in need. 

But now, Lena was scared.

What if it was too late? What if she had fallen in love with Levi and did the opposite of what the other nurses told her not to do? After all, love wasn't something she could control, but even so it made her feel very guilty. Could that be what Levi meant the other night when he said 'No one will get hurt'? Lena wasn't sure...But the nervousness was taking the best of her...

And, as if God knew when she was thinking of him, there was the raven haired man walking in the same direction as her. 

Levi was always handsome. But when he wasn't on his Scout uniform, just with a simple shirt and pants, it made him even look more handsome at her eyes. The raven haired man could look more sophisticated in his Scout uniform, with his cravat giving him a look of elegance. He looked like a prince. But something about him using more simple clothes drawn her in even more...

Lena continued walking casually, waiting if he would say anything to her, with her cheeks completely blushed. He was almost walking past her, she restrained herself not to say anything. It would just make the situation even more embarrassing. Instead, the gingerhead tried not to look at him and hided her blushed cheeks.

"Now you're the one avoiding me" Levi had finally said, stopping where he was and turning his back, only to see the two ginger braids that fell in Lena's back. The raven haired enjoyed when her hair was braided, the curls got away from her face.

Lena slowly turned around to face and tried not to faint for embarrassment. That Captain would be the death of her. Just why did he have to be so handsome? The blush on her cheeks didn't stop but it at least could be disguised as red of anger.

"And what about it? I thought that was what you wanted" Lena simply said, with her heart beating faster than Titan steps on the ground. But she still had the courage to face Levi's greyish blue eyes "I don't understand anything anymore..."

"That's why I was looking for you" Levi started, coming closer to the gingerhead. Lena only looked up to him with her blue eyes analyzing his expression to see if he wasn't being sarcastic "I wanted to...Have a conversation with you"

"Well, is it a normal conversation and you won't leave in the middle of it? Because if it isn't I won't even bother" Lena said, putting her head up to show the Captain a confident expression, even if it was fake.

"Damn, respectful as always I see" Levi answered sarcastically, still a few steps away from her. 

"I learned with the best. And you didn't answer my question, sir..." Lena continued giving him that fire tempered attitude, and it was already boiling Levi's nerves. He knew he wasn't going anywhere if he replied badly to her...

But one thing Levi couldn't deny, her tentative of acting cold and harsh didn't work on her at all, her fire and warmth still remained in there. And it kind of made him feel some kind of way...Levi wasn't quite sure.

"I won't leave in the middle of it, big mouth..." Levi sighed.

"R-Really?" Lena was already losing her guard. Her confident look was already fading away and her expression became more vulnerable.

 "Tch are you def or what? It's not going to be like the last time...Do you mind if we go to my office to talk better?" Levi asked, even without noticing, losing his guard as well...

Lena raised an eyebrow. His posture was different than the one he had in the night before. He was more...At ease. Not with the same stoic and with his guard up self as he always did. Maybe he was trying to make Lena more comfortable, but a part of her was still very vulnerable. 

The gingerhead only nodded her head and Levi sighed in relief. He already regretted taking Erwin's advice. All he wanted was to step away from Lena...And he already knew that conversation was about to make him do the opposite. The more he talked to her, the more he was with her, the less he wanted to be separated from her...

And after all, the raven haired Captain was about  to do what he feared the very most...Telling that woman who caused him so many strange sensations and emotions. The only person who had been able after all those years to wake up something inside of him, that he still didn't understand what it was, something good and horrifying at the same time, his story.

He was going to show Lena the shadow behind Captain Levi, Humanity's Strongest Soldier. The rude and sarcastic man who never smiled. He was about to tell her...Everything that was going inside of his messed up mind.

Chapter Text

Lena and Levi were already in the raven haired's office, the tension and awkwardness between the two of them was undeniable

The Captain was on his table, that still was full of paperwork to finish. The gingerhead was in front of the table, like the first time she had met Erwin Smith, when she arrived in the Scout Regiment. It seemed like Levi was going to interrogate her, even though what would happen was probably the opposite. Still, Lena felt very intimidating. Having Levi in there, after that night...Looking at his piercing eyes, made her heart beat so fast and having her cheeks completely blushed.

"So, I guess I own you an apology..." Levi started, still very tense, not knowing well where to begin. Lena frowned her eyebrows, but still feeling very vulnerable in that situation "I was...Very caught up in my emotions that I ended up leaving you without answering your questions and to leave you lost"

Lena was surprised. She wasn't expecting Levi to apologize, he rarely ever did admit she was right. The Captain was always so stubborn after all.

The gingerhead squeezed her brown long skirt, that was tucked in a clear yellow shirt, with sleeves until her forearm. Her red hair was in two french braids, that fell on her back, so it made all of that situation even harder for her, since she couldn't hide her blush with her hair, just touch it when she felt nervous.

"You left me very confused...I was more lost than a rabbit looking for a carrot in a maze..." Lena admitted. Anyone could notice the hesitation and vulnerability in her blue eyes "But I accept your apologies, sir...I guess...I acted without thinking as well. I-I was just so...-"

"No need to explain yourself, I understand" Levi continued, leaving Lena without talking one more time.

Lena looked down again. The tension inside the room was leaving each other speechless. They didn't know much what to say. And now Levi who was always complaining about the freckled cheeks' too talkative self, was now needing her chatter and spontaneous talking. But just when he was needing that the most, she decided to stay quiet and only looked down.

The raven haired took a long sigh, trying to figure out a way to start the conversation.

"So...Are you going to explain me or are you just going to stand there quiet as a mouse?" Like answering Levi's prayers, the gingerhead decided to break all of that tension.

"Lena I wanted to start by telling you that-" Levi started, but was soon interrupted by a knock at the door. As much as the raven haired hated on that moment, he decided to answer "Name and business?"

"It's Rudella, sir. I'm here to give you the files by the nurses until now" the deep voice of the oldest nurse of them said.

Lena mentally cursed herself, opening widely her eyes and putting a hand on her head in panic. If Rudella saw her, she was going to start complaining to not have given the paperwork in time. And Levi would start to make fun of her again...

"You may enter" Levi said, already wondering what was going on with the redhead for her being so nervous

The chubby and stern figure of Rudella entered the office with reams of papers on her hands. The gingerhead tried that the oldest nurse didn't see her, trying to cover her face with one hand naturally, but obviously without any success. Levi, however observed her failed tentative of trying to hide herself, and it actually made him want to laugh.

"Good night, Captain. Here you have the files of the nurses that are yet filled with the information about the last expedition" Rudella was almost putting the papers on Levi's table, but immediately noticed the youngest nurse of them. She took a good look at her, with a look that could make anyone freeze "Elena Häustler??"

"Ah, h-hello mrs. Rudella" Lena tried to say completely embarrassed by that whole situation, while uncovering her face. She gave her a nervous smile and waved to the oldest nurse.

"Captain, did Elena do something? If she did, don't worry. I will handle her myself" Rudella said, in the same demanding and stoic posture.

Levi was enjoying that comedic scene. Rudella handling Lena was something he would pay to see. He didn't talk to her very much, he didn't talk with any of the nurses. But Rudella was very respected there due to the many years she worked in the Survey Corps. The raven haired bet she never imagined meeting someone like the gingerhead.

"Mrs. Rudella! You are already thinking I did something and you didn't even let me talk??" Lena complained.

"AH! You hush, Häustler! I was talking to Captain Levi, not you!" Rudella said, turning her tone of voice even higher.

The gingerhead rolled her blue eyes, sighed and crossed her arms. Levi had to admit, he was finding that whole scene funny. Seeing the gingerhead sulking was always comedic to him.

"She didn't do anything, mrs. Rudella. We were just talking about an issue, it has no importance" Levi replied, surprisingly very polite and respectful towards the oldest nurse.

"See??" Lena smiled in victory. But once the wrinkled face of Rudella turned to face her, she immediately closed her mouth.

"AH! HUSH!" Rudella said and the gingerhead shut up in less than a second. Then, the oldest nurse turned around to face the Captain, with a little smile "That's good, Captain. I was worried for a second. I won't bother you anymore"

"Thank you" Levi simply said.

"And you!" Rudella turned to the freckled cheeks with her eyebrows frowned in annoyance. Lena gulped, she definitely wasn't going to enjoy what she was about to hear "Don't think I didn't notice that you still didn't deliver your paperwork. As it is your first time not giving them on time, I will let it slide. But you have to finish this week! No more time after that!"

"At your orders, Commander Rudella!!" Lena made a salute, trying to look serious and obedient.

"I hope so! Continue your talk, I'm sorry for interrupting" Rudella said, this time in a more at ease and less angry tone.

Rudella walked out of the room, with her grey dress and always impeccable shiny black shoes and closed the door. Once that happened, Lena immediately let a long sigh in relief. That had been a short yet frightening conversation. She knew well how the oldest nurse was she was angry. Rudella could be the sweetest person on the Walls when she wanted. Even if she was very demanding, Lena had always a special care for her. But everyone was afraid of her when she was angry

Lena was red from her forehead to her chin. She had made a fool of herself in front of Levi...She only wanted to hide herself.

"I-I-I'm sorry, Captain I-!"

"Why don't we go somewhere else? If we stay in my office we'll always be interrupted" Levi asked, trying to ignore the gingerhead's embarrassment.

"Where then?"

"I was thinking maybe my room?" Levi asked casually.

BOOM BOOM

BOOM BOOM

If Lena was already blushed, then on that moment she was as red as a tomato. Levi wanted to take her to his room? She tried so hard to fight those polluted thoughts from her head that she felt ashamed. She couldn't be thinking those things, she had been a novice and was there on God's will.

Why did that Captain have always that effect on her?

"W-WHAT??" Lena asked with her freckled face completely red and her blue eyes even more widened.

"Why not? At least we'll have more privacy to have a proper conversation" Levi casually said, like it was nothing.

"It's not that!! Y-you ask a question like that to-to-to a lady like it's nothing?? To a woman of God?? You are a s-shameless man, that's what you are!" Lena stuttered and blushed like she never did.

"TCH what the fuck are you talking about? It's not nothing like that, big mouth" Levi said "But if you prefer we can stay in here. We just won't be able to talk properly with everyone walking in or out"

"N-No! W-We can go. I don't care!" Lena crossed her arms, cursing herself. She didn't have her hair down to cover her blushed, she was so done...

Levi almost let a smirk. He didn't see her nervous and embarrassed like that in a while, and frankly it was pretty amusing. Seeing her freckled cheeks completely blushed and agitated hand gestures. He knew exactly what she was thinking, and maybe he asked that question so casually on purpose to see her reaction.

Why did he enjoy seeing her like that? He had no idea...

...

"Enter, c'me on" Levi opened the door of his bedroom, so the freckled cheeks could get in first.

Lena, still very embarrassed, walked in the raven haired's bedroom. Blessing herself so God could take those polluted thoughts away from her mind, she observed the division with her blue eyes wandering around the room.

It was a bit bigger than hers, with a window from where they could see the training areas. On the middle of the bedroom, backboard to the door, there was a big, yet simple bed. Right next to the wall, there was a little wooded table and a chair, where his Scout Regiment uniform was on. In front of the bed, on the other side of the wall, there was a little wardrobe. Everything was spotless and completely organized. The gingerhead didn't expect less from Levi.

"God...Your room is heaven. Not even a little bit of dust" Lena said with a smile small smile.

"Tch. With your organization skills of course you're surprised finding a room like this" Levi commented sarcastically, entering the door right behind her.

"It's not that bad. But compared to yours, my side of the room is a pigsty" Lena replied, obviously exaggerating.

The freckled cheeks shared her dorm with Judy. Even though it was always clean, Lena's side was completely unorganized. Papers from songs she was composing with her guitar across her part of the room, pencils, books everywhere...And speaking of books, the gingerhead was really surprised to find lot and lots of books on a book shelve in front of the bed

Coming closer to the book shelve, also because she was a little awkward, Lena examined the amount of books Levi had in just one table. Of course, all of them being organized by gender and author.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Levi asked, breaking her away from her thoughts.

Lena turned to him, a bit ashamed for being nosy on his things.

Levi took a good look at her. He felt a knot in his throat. Seeing the gingerhead in his room was something odd to him. The raven haired was used to having women in his room, not in the Scout Regiment, but in other places or where he used to live in the underground. Of course, only to satisfy his needs, he never had other reason than that. But having that woman there made him feel some kind a way...Like a mixture of sweet yet bitter feeling. He also was trying that those thoughts he had had since the day they met didn't take advantage of him, and he could do it successfully. He knew Lena was a woman devoted to religion.

But, after all, he was still a man. A man with desire. But for Levi wasn't easy to give in to temptations. Of course that, when it came to the gingerhead, it was the most difficult thing he could do. Not about physical desire, he had met a lot beautiful women before her. He felt the need to be with her, not just in the sexual way, but in something as simple as drinking tea or even cleaning. The raven haired assumed it was only a deep care, as well as lust in the middle. Lena was beautiful at his eyes, even with all her imperfections, and she was a good person as well. So, Levi assumed that what he felt was simply that.

But it still needed to stopped.

"I'm sorry sir, I didn't want to be nosy. I was just surprised. You have a lot of books in here" Lena replied nervously, stepping away from the bookshelf.

"Yeah, I like to read in my free time. Since I learned how to, it just became something that I enjoyed doing" Levi explained. He also stepped away from the door and came closer to his bed "You didn't take me as a reader person did you?"

"If you want me to be honest, I didn't." Lena replied, being the direct person she always was "I'm much more imagining you cleaning when you don't have work to do"

"You're not totally wrong, big mouth" Levi said more quietly, casually looking at the side.

Lena continued observing the books on Levi's bookshelf. She had read some of those that were there. More of the category of medicine, which had surprisingly lot of books. Her blue eyes stopped, however, in the category of novels. It had only one book, that made Lena quickly turned her head to Levi in surprise.

"You have only one novel? It's my favorite gender" Lena asked surprised.

"Of course it is..." Levi sighed "I didn't read that one. Four eyes gave it to me last year. I don't like that kind of shit" 

"Of course you don't..." Lena rolled her blue eyes, but with a little smile. She touched the book to see which novel it was, and it surprised her seeing that it was a book the gingerhead had actually read. She turned to Levi with, the same small smile on her face "The Last Carnation is an amazing book, Hange has taste. You should give it a try too"

"Tch. You are delusional if you think I'm going to read some lovey dovey shitty romance" Levi simply said.

"Sir, this book isn't just about the romance. I-It's also about morality, freedom, the society we live in, searching for your own identity and a lot of other themes. Michaela Doherty is an amazing author..." Lena smiled, still a bit awkward by having a normal conversation with Levi for the first time in a while. "The love story is amazing, but it's not only that makes it special"

Levi raised an eyebrow at the gingerhead's comment. Of course she was going to try to convince him reading a book like that. The raven haired thought it was only those silly and unreal love love stories. But now that Lena talked about it better, it seemed more interesting to him. Perhaps he would read it when he had some free time, which it probably wouldn't happen in a while...

"Are we here to talk about literature or to have a conversation about the other night?" Levi asked bluntly.

Lena's cheeks got red again. She got caught up in wanting to learn even more about Levi and ended up forgetting the reason why they were on his room in the first place. The freckled cheeks stood there, not quite sure of what to do, still very embarrassed.

"R-Right! We are! So uh-..." Lena tried turned to the side of the chair, and then turned to where Levi was, completely lost in what she was supposed to do.

"You can sit in my bed, stop walking around like a chicken" Levi said, which made Lena blush even harder.

"F-fine! I-I'll sit..." Lena replied, feeling completely ashamed and embarrassed. There were those thoughts again.

The gingerhead walked front in the direction of the bed. Levi was sitting in the end of it, so Lena decided to sit next to him, but on the other side. She looked down with her freckled cheeks completely red. Frankly, she didn't know how she hadn't exploded yet with all that embarrassment. Squeezing her blue dress, she hoped that Levi could at least say something to start that awkward and tense conversation.

"S-So, w-where did we stop?" Lena asked, stuttering and still not looking at the raven haired man.

"I was...Going to explain you what I had said on the other night" Levi replied with a long sigh.

Lena finally gained the courage to look at the Captain, and it made her heart hurt a little. He wasn't looking at her either, and was squeezing his pants as well. He was probably really vulnerable and nervous as she was...At least knowing that Levi was feeling the same as her made her feel more safe and not so much alone.

"On the other night I got too close accidentally and I didn't know how to-" Levi started, bluntly as usual.

"Y-Y-You don't need to explain that part. You are a man...I am a woman, even if I'm a woman of God. It was frightening but I understand" Lena interrupted, feeling her cheeks going even redder. But, on that time she tried to remain calm to actually have a proper talk. Trying to gain strength to go to the subject she was interested in, the redhead took a long sigh "I-I just wanted you to explain what were those things you said to me. That whole conversation of 'I am your Captain and you are my nurse, that's what we have to be so no one will get hurt'. What were you meaning with that?"

Levi sighed and gained courage to look at the gingerhead's bright, with her eyes more than a sky. He was going to tell her everything that was going on his messed up head...It almost didn't feel real. But that was what he needed to do, if at least to keep his promise to Erwin. But most important to say to Lena that they could not see each other, once and for all.

As hard as it was...

"Being as blunt and as honest as I should be, I'm saying that we shouldn't be with each other anymore. Not as friends, not as acquaintances. Only as your Captain and you as our nurse. It's what we should just do" Levi stated, being so straight forward that the gingerhead felt shivers on her spine.

"B-But why? We were already getting along and I liked talking to you..." Lena said, sounding completely helpless.

"That's just it. We were getting too much along...We were stating to rely on each other too much and that can't happen" Levi affirmed, looking at the ground again. He didn't dare to look into her eyes while telling her those "You're already have those brats to worry about. You don't need to worry about anyone else. It wouldn't be fair"

"I'm sorry sir, but who are you to make those decisions for me?" Lena crossed her arms and frowned her eyebrows "Do you think if I cared about those things I would get along with other soldiers like Hange, Moblit or my sugarplums?"

"In that case it's up to them to die with the guilt of hurting you" Levi exclaimed, this time looking at the gingerhead "Because I don't want to carry that weight on my back"

"That doesn't make any sense! It would hurt me much more not being able to be with you while you're here than you dying with all of the memories we made together!" Lena contested, already with tears falling down her eyes.

"No it fucking wouldn't..." Levi said, closing his greyish eyes in frustration.

"That's up to me to decide Captain! I prefer knowing that we enjoyed our moments when you lived than regretting that I wasn't able to be with you while you were here" Lena said, already crying, in hopes that Levi could look at her "But why are we even talking about you dying? You are here aren't you? So let's just live the present and worry about the future later!"

"You don't understand any damn thing!!" Levi exclaimed once again, this time looking at her. That sentence made the gingerhead's chest hurt and filled it with a cold, like she was just putting herself in ice "Maybe you would 'prefer' to be with me on the time I am alive...But what if it's you that dies? What am I suppose to do then?"

"What...? What are you saying, Captain...?" Lena whispered in complete frustration. She wasn't understanding anything that Levi was talking about.

Levi took the longest sigh he had ever taken and bend over to cover his face with his hands. He really needed to tell her his story so she could understand.

"You're a fucking idiot..." Levi said, taking his hands of his face and recomposing himself "For you to understand...I guess I have to tell you the whole story"

"What story?" Lena asked, cleaning the tears on her left eye.

Then, Levi turned to her. When their gazes met, it was like that same explosion that had always happened when his cold as ice eyes met with hers that, even though were blue, were warm and comforting, yet fiery and intense whenever she got angry at him. Lena started to feel hypnotized by them again, and couldn't look at anything else, but him.

"My story..." Levi said, for the first time, in a more docile tone.

Lena opened widely her eyes even more.

"Sir, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I-I'm sure I'm going to understand either way" Lena tried to say.

It was true she wanted to know the mysterious past of the raven haired man. But the gingerhead knew it was something he didn't want to talk about. It was a very fragile thing and the last thing she wanted was to force him to tell her something he wasn't emotionally ready to.

"No... I have to do this..." Levi said, looking down at his feet.

"But Captain I'm sure I'll understand if you don't tell-"

"I think it's up to me to decide, big mouth" Levi interrupted her, imitating her.

Lena closed her mouth, and looked at him again. She had never seen Levi like that... So helpless, numb, vulnerable... She just wanted to hug all the sorrow away from him. Maybe after he told her his past she could do it. Lena wondered how that would be...

"I was born in the Underground, a city under the capital..." Levi started "Where everything was a piece of shit...The people, the filthy streets, the piles of trash, everything..."

Lena felt shivers on her spine once the raven haired man said that. She knew people spread rumors like those, after all it was all true...

"My mother was a prostitute..." Levi didn't dare to look at the gingerhead. He only stared down at his feet, with his eyes even darker and more dull than they ever were... "She got pregnant by one of her clients and had me. So, I never knew who my father was"

Lena was already speechless with that information. Levi never knew his father and grew up underground... It was no wonder he looked so dull. He kept not looking at her, but of course the gingerhead didn't judge him. She wanted to cry just by looking at the raven haired man at that state...

"She died when I was just a kid... I have only a few memories of her, but those I have, they are always on my mind..." Levi said, still broken and fragile "I almost starved to death, I was completely filthy, I had nowhere to go... I was a lost cause"

Lena's blue eyes were letting fall the heaviest tears, Levi could hear her quiet hiccups. And the worst hadn't even came...

"Then, a man who knew my mother appeared. He taught me everything I needed to know to survive on that hideous place" Levi felt another knit on his throat "I've done things that I regret... But it was what I needed to do if I wanted to survive. I've stolen, hurt... I've killed people..."

Levi closed his eyes... Trying not to remember all of the details of that life. If Lena didn't want to stop talking to him, after hearing that story she most definitely was going to. After all, he was a monster, and no one was going to want to be near a monster. Not even her.

"That man abandoned me when I was a teenager... And I was left alone again" Levi continued "I was on my own until I met Farlan, an old friend of mine. We started gaining money for people who were worse than us go to the surface. We stole maneuver gears from the Military Police, so we trained even in there. Then, we met Isabel..."

Levi stopped there. Trying to stop those memories that kept entering on his mind... The happy memories, the sad ones...All of them were starting to consume is mind again. However, the raven haired man remained focused. He only needed a time to breath, that was all.

Lena observed him stopping right on the moment he had remembered his 'old friends". She had shed so many tears while he was telling his story and now she just wanted to wrap his arms around him and telling him that everything was okay. But at the same time, her arms couldn't move by their own. It was like all of those walls made of ice were melting, but the gingerhead could only watch.

"Captain, you don't have to continue" Lena said in a whisper, touching his back carefully to see if there was a reaction.

Levi freeze at her sudden touch. Taking a long sigh, he put himself together and straightened his back again. Still looking at the wall in front of him, never at Lena.

There was no turning back.... All of that was in the past...

"Erwin came to us in the Underground and recuited us to the Scout Regiment. I was about 20 by that time" The raven haired man continued, this time in a more secure voice "But we had made a contract with a guy to kill Erwin. That was our main priority and goal"

Levi felt another sting on his chest as he remembered what goal he first had in mind when he joined the Survey Corps.

But he felt a knife on his heart once he had to tell what had happened next.

"On our first mission, Farlan and Isabel died between a Titan's shitty teeth" Levi had finally said, as the sorrow and the longing seemed to consume him each time he opened his mouth.

Lena found herself crying even more. Levi had such a hard past...She didn't think she had met anyone with a more tragic life story than him...Now she understood why he was so cold. The freckled cheeks was so regretted for calling him names and being an idiot in the beginning...

"And that is my story. I decided to follow Erwin and became Humanity's Strongest Soldier. The man you call 'Captain Ice Cube'" Levi finally gained courage to look into her eyes.

Lena's blue eyes were completely red from heavy tears that continued falling without stop. She covered her mouth not to do any noise or interrupt him when he was talking. Just what he was thinking... She probably thought he was a monster...

"S-sir I-I...." Lena tried to say, but failing miserably with the tears falling and falling. Always covering her mouth so she didn't make any unnecessary noises to make the situation worse "I am so sorry..."

Suddenly Levi felt the arms of the gingerhead wrapping around his waist...

Lena buried herself in his chest, with her warmth filling his every bone and flesh. She wanted his suffering to stop, she just wanted to protect him. Levi didn't deserve any of that, he didn't deserve any more pain... All the freckled cheeks could do was cry. How could a man with a heart like his go through so much suffering? It wasn't fair...

Levi had frozen right on that moment. He simply couldn't move not even a muscle. He started breathing heavily like on that night but he didn't understand anything that was going on. What was that warmth the gingerhead was providing to him?

Could that be.... The comfort he had forgotten about?

His walls of ice started melting to her touch, and Levi found himself wrapping his arms around her as well. Burying his face on the crook of her neck. Not crying once, Levi had already shed every tear that were on his body, but releasing all of that despair and sorrow that was inside of his soul.

"I'm sorry for all the times I called you those stupid names..." Lena cried to his chest heavily "You didn't deserve those things... You didn't deserve anything that happened to you... You didn't..."

For the first time on his life, even for a brief moment Levi believed in someone who said he deserved better than that life...He felt a huge weight going out of his back...

But what was he doing? He had came that way to tell Lena that they shouldn't see each other again and now they were embracing each other like they never did... Levi tried to release himself but he couldn't....He felt too much at peace, too much at home...

They stood like that for some minutes, which, of course, felt like seconds to their hearts...

"I don't understand..." Levi said "Even after I told you my story... You still want to rely on someone like me? Who has so much blood on my hands?"

Lena opened her blue eyes, still letting some tears and completely red from the crying. Slowly, the gingerhead started releasing herself from Levi's arms, which was a difficult thing to do since he was very strong.

The raven haired man started feeling her warmth going away and, without even noticing he reached out to her when he felt her releasing his chest. He had never in his life felt that way... He wanted her to go, but at the same he didn't...

Lena stood in front of him, with her eyes completely red from crying. Her braids were already letting some little curls fall on her face. She looked at Levi. He hadn't shed a tear and was looking at her, with his eyes showing so much vulnerability, so much pain... The raven haired man looked at her as well... Like trying to say something, but not knowing the right words.

"Captain... We both know you didn't want blood on your hands. You had to fight for your life and to help the people who needed..." Lena told him, softly as she always talked "You have a heart of gold, sir... And your story made me admire you even more..."

"How can you still remain that talk? Are you that naive?" Levi asked, frowning his eyebrows. "We live in a fucked up world. No one has that heart of gold that you talk about. No one. Much less me..."

"Don't say that... I still believe in the good that there is in people's hearts. If it weren't for that we wouldn't even be where we are now" Lena said, with the same kind smile, although still letting tears falling down her freckled cheeks  "And I promise sir, I'm always going to be here for you. Always."

"You can't promise me something you can't keep, big mouth..." Levi sighed in frustration.

Lena looked down and stopped smiling...

Levi was right...

"I'm sorry, sir..." Lena said, still looking down at her brown long skirt "Your mother... And your friends... They seemed like very good people..."

"They were...I miss them so much..." Levi sighed, and then looked at Lena again "I don't remember much about my mom but I believe she was the kindest human I ever met... Farlan was so honest and always loyal. I spent so many good times with him"

Then, Lena saw it. A little bright of happiness on his eyes... She couldn't help but smile kindly towards him... At least Levi had made some happy memories with them...

"There was one time, a shitting old man was trying to steal one of the thugs that we knew. So me and Farlan stole him first. Farlan put his pants down when he wasn't watching and I took all the money he had. We ended up giving him to that poor brat" Levi almost laughed, almost.

He wasn't sure of what was that feeling. He usually felt a lot of pain once he remembered his friends. But now that he was remembering better, he also had good moments in his life with his friends... As little as they were...

Perhaps he had done something good in his youth?

"And Isabel...She was so short tempered, but always smiling and laughing. Sometimes she could be a total idiot" Levi said "You know? You have always reminded me of her..."

Lena felt her heart beat fast again as Levi said that. But happiness filled her heart, reminding Levi of his childhood friends was an honor...

"You had the same smile, the same bright in your eyes, the same hope, the same enthusiasm about life, the joy, your stubborness especially..." Levi commented, this time sounding at least a little flattered.

"Wow, really?" Lena smiled to him "Imagine if we both were here... We would give you a living hell..."

"Tell me about it... I don't even want to imagine" Levi rolled his eyes.

But he wanted to imagine... In fact all he did was imagining what his friends would think about her. Isabel would've obviously loved her... They were so similar after all...And he was sure Farlan would've loved her too. After all, who didn't? He almost smiled thinking about that scene...He only wished they were there with them...

"I'm glad you told me your story, sir..." Lena smiled in the same compassionate way she always did "It made me admire you even more than I did... And I finally understand why you are that Captain Ice Cube"

"Lena..." Levi called her name.

"That's my name" Lena giggled.

"Can I.... Can I rest my head on you lap... The way Armin did....?" Levi asked, for the first time with his cheeks burning red.

Lena's heart started to beat faster than it ever best in her entire life. Her face was completely red, and the worst thing was that she didn't have the curls to cover it. That Captain would be the end of her... 

How was that supposed to happen? The gingerhead didn't know how to react at that question but to become the ball of nervousness she always was.

"W-What?? I-I-I t-thought you said you d-didn't want to get more a-attached!! Why are you bringing that talk?? Frankly I sometimes don't under-!!"

"Please...." Levi insisted.

When Lena looked at his eyes she figured out she couldn't ever say no to him... He was so alone... So helpless... His expression was all tiredness and despair in one...

Lena couldn't say no to him... Ever again...

"I hope you don't regret this, sir..." Lena said one more time.

"I'm sure I will... But it doesn't matter anymore..." Levi whispered, with the same husky and dull voice that made shivers down her spine.

Lena sighed and put her back on the wall. So she could have at least some place to lay her back.

"Y-You can come..." Lena said, completely embarrassed.

Levi slowly, placed his feet on the bed and moved to the direction of the gingerhead. He carefully laid perpendicularly his head on the gingerhead's lap, with her legs laying diagonally.

He felt everything... Her warmth... Her comfort... How was he ever supposed to step away from her after all of that? But that woman took all the rational self he had... And as much as he wanted to step away from her... He wouldn't be able to do it ever...

It wasn't her fault. It was his own fault.

"I wanted to have this conversation to make you and myself understand that we couldn't rely on one another too much...But I already knew that the opposite would happen" Levi whispered. Lena's heart beat so fast...But at the same time, she felt so much at peace "I don't know what this feeling is...But I just know that...That even if I tried my hardest I couldn't stay away from you..."

Lena felt knives on her chest, but it was such an bittersweet sensation...She wanted to cry but at the same, she just wanted to hug him to make all of his suffering disappear...Her Captain was so beautiful that it almost blinded her...

"Then what do plan to do?" Lena asked quietly.

"I guess...Even if you leave one day, that at least I made memories with you until the end..." Levi replied.

"Didn't I tell you? But you're stubborn as always so of course you wouldn't-"

"Shut up..." He said, with his eyes closed, only feeling her presence and her warmth "And please...Sing to me..."

That caught Lena off guard.

Captain Levi. The man whom she started hating was lied with his head on her lap. And wanted her to sing to him... It was like it was taken away from a dream...

"Sing? Sing what?" Lena asked, with all her face still on a bright shade of red.

"It can be any... Your favorite song" Levi answered, still with his eyes closed, feeling her warmth. The warmth that he only felt with his mother.

"Well...I have a lot of favorite songs, Captain"

"For fuck's sake it doesn't matter. Just sing a damn song..." He closed his eyes again, and Lena gained courage to sing for the Captain for the first time.

"Alright...

(click the link and listen to the song :))

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpqcPKwUWLs

Edelweiss Edelweiss
Every morning you greet me
Small and white
Clean and bright
You look happy to meet me
Blossom of snow may you bloom and grow
Bloom and grow forever
Edelweiss Edelweiss
Bless my homeland forever..."

Lena would start to sing again, but noticed that he had already his eyes closed. He was so peaceful...It hurt Lena so much knowing that he had been through so much pain. Levi had the heart more valuable than the jewels of a lady from Sina, and she felt really bad knowing that she tried not believing in that. Lena thought that he was bossy, insensitive and cold, that didn't care about other people's feelings. How she was wrong...

Suddenly, she remembered what Moblit had told her to do. To pay attention what he was making her feel. And she guessed the confirmation was already there...

Lena was in love...

Lena was in love with the man she swore to hate.

But she should've known. Behind those icy walls of his there was a heart indeed...A heart so good that needed to protected at all costs. A heart that needed to be loved. He was so beautiful, so noble, so brave, so good...How was she supposed not to fall for him? He was a beautiful moon that, even though it didn't shine everything it touched, it shined on its own and was its own form of beautiful. And that illuminated the people around him with hope, even if he didn't notice...

Lena had broken her promise to Helga, she had broken her vows with God...But that felt so right. It was like that was what God wanted for her. He wanted her to love that man with everything she could...Levi had suffered so much in life...He was her polar opposite that bounded together in their similarities...

It was like everything she remembered love to be, but even stronger...And it made her ever happier when the gingerhead realized that he maybe loved her back. It was such a hopeful and sweet feeling, it was worth all of their fights and all of their disagreements.

The clock marked midnight. Lena didn't want to leave him...Ever again. But he needed to rest, and so did she. Sleeping with him would be completely crazy and she wasn't yet on that level.

"I'm sorry sir, but I have to go..." Lena whispered. She then lowered her head, and placed a caring kiss on his forehead "Sleep with the angels..."

Carefully not to waking him up, she started to go lean his head on the bed. Lena looked at him one more time...She still couldn't believe all of what was happening was real...But of course, the freckled cheeks didn't complain.  Lena put her feet on the ground and got out of the bed carefully. Then, the gingerhead started to walk towards the door, never once leaving her eyes off his peaceful features...How she loved seeing him like that, not angry or in any pain, just lying there as if he was in heaven.

A raven haired angel...

"I love you, Levi." Lena said with her lips, but not saying a word, and got out of the room.

While walking to her bedroom towards the corridors, the gingerhead took long dreamy sighs, hummed soft melodies and danced all around the building, spinning and making little jumps. And kept repeating the same sentence to herself with a never ending happiness and hope...

"I love him..."

Chapter Text

It was a fresh morning to everyone. But it was fresher to at least some of them

The Military Ball was only five days away and every soldier in the Scout Regiment was busy preparing everything. The dresses, the suits, the shoes, everything was going too slow for those who wanted desperately to have a nice night with their pair, with friends, or simply just to enjoy that fancy party. And, of course, too fast for those who didn't want to go to that ball full of higher class people. That idea was stuck in their throats like knits.

"OWW! BE CAREFUL!" a tired and desperate Eren Yeager screamed as a certain ginger haired woman was pinning pins on his suite.

"If you didn't move so much maybe I could place the pins in the fabric and not in your skin, Eren!" Lena said, already getting tired with the brown haired boy's complains.

Lena, Eren, Armin and Mikasa were in the freckled cheeks' office in the headquarters. The gingerhead was helping the 15 year olds with an incident that had happened just when they returned from Trost after buying their suits. It turned out that Eren had bought one too large for him, and Lena decided to try to tighten the pants, the blazer and the tuxedo shirt. And of course, for that she had to insert pins on the areas she was going to cut and make the hem. 

And of course Eren was living a hell. He already didn't want to go to that ball, but submitting himself to that was the worst that could happen to him.

"Armin only had luck because he bought he tried on the store. These kind of things only happen to m-OWW!!!" Eren was standing in the middle of the room as Lena was trying to adjust the upper part of the tuxedo shirt.

"EREN OR YOU STOP MOVING OR I'M GOING TO TIE YOUR LEGS AND ARMS YOU UP WITH SCOTCH TAPE!!"  Lena screamed, already getting irritated by the movements of the brown haired boy "It's for you to learn! If you hadn't taken the first one that you saw on the store we wouldn't be doing this!"

"Please Lena, be more careful with those" Mikasa said. She seemed like she could felt the brown haired's pain.

"Don't forget that he can turn into a Titan" Armin also said, supporting his arms on a chair.

"He's not going to turn into a Titan with some little misplaced pins. And it's not up to me to not hurt him! Eren's the one who should stay still!" Lena complained, as she got her knees and got started for pinning the pants "The tuxedo shirt is ready, now I have to pin the pants"

"Take away from this torture, please!" Eren protested, closing his determinate green eyes.

"Eren I swear to God, if you don't stop complaining I am going to start putting pins in your skin on purpose!" Lena growled.

"What's all the commotion?" A voice asked from the direction of the door.

They looked over to the direction of the door and a shocked expression appeared on their faces as they saw no other than Captain Levi, looking at them with a curious expression.

Lena's heart started beating faster and faster...Knowing that she was in love with him made her even more nervous when she was around him, feeling her heart beating so fast and a tingling through her whole body...Especially since he hadn't used his military uniform in a while...It gave him such a different aura...

The three of them put themselves in positions and made a salute.

"Sir!" They said.

"Sir!" Lena also got up in a hurry to salute, which failed miserably

What she didn't notice, was that she had taken the pin from Eren's pants accidentally...Which made them immediately fall on the ground.

Uh oh...

All of their eyes widened as they faced a Eren with only his underwear shorts. Lena covered her mouth, completely embarrassed for what had happened to the brown haired boy. Armin and Mikasa had their mouths and eyes wide opened. And Eren was just red from his forehead to his chin. 

Levi had also his eyes widened, he didn't know if in disgust or in shock. All he knew was that he wasn't supposed to see that scene.

"OH MY GOD! I AM SO SORRY!!" Lena immediately started panicking and got her knees again to try to pin the pants "Let me help just wait a minute!!! For God's sake why am I so clumsy??"

"Lena, don't do it I can pull the pants by myself..." Eren whispered, but also completely paralysed to what had happened to him.

"Yeah, r-right!! You can!! Of course you can!! I'm so sorry, Eren!" Lena said, in a complete nervous wreck, getting up from the ground.

Armin and Mikasa started to look at each other, and the effort not to laugh was becoming harder and harder to do, as Eren looked them in the eyes with the eyes of someone who wanted to commit murder. Levi only coughed and looked down so he didn't make that scene eve more awkward.

"U-Uh..What did you come to do, Captain?" Armin asked, trying not to burst out laughing after that scene.

"I came to look for Häustler, but...It looks like you're kinda busy..." Levi frowned his eyebrows, trying to remove the scene he just watched from his head.

"For me? What for?" Lena asked with a smile on her face that almost reached her ears. 

Levi and her hadn't seen each other in some days, in all of that building it was almost impossible for them to see each other, not to mention the amount of paperwork Levi still had to finish. But at least they had been close enough and talked sometimes in the corridors, or in breaks. Only a little but to Lena it didn't matter how much it was, just having Levi talking to her was already enough to make her day.

"I'll tell you later, I see that you're busy with... Whatever you are doing" Levi commented "Do you mind if you come to my office later?"

"No problem!" Lena smiled, maybe too much excitedly. The freckled cheeks noticed her too much enthusiasm, so she just composed herself and tried her best to remain serious "I-I mean...Of course, Captain. I will shall then, go to your office after I finish this"

Levi took one good look at her. This time her hair wasn't braided, her curls were all loosen and more defined than the usual. She had probably taken a bath...Her little curls on her bangs falling in her forehead covered up a little her face...The Captain preferred them to be tied up behind. But at the same time it was her curly hair which distinguished her. She was also dressed in her same brown dress with a shirt underneath, and a white apron tied up around her waist.

But...Why was he even looking at her that way?

"Right...I'll expect you there then..." Levi said, coughing so he remained his posture "H-Have a good luck with that..."

Levi turned his back on them and immediately walked out the door. He gulped...Why had he gotten so nervous 

 "LENA!!!! YOU CLUMSY ASS I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU!!!" Eren shouted at the gingerhead, who was right beside him.

That was the opportunity for Armin and Mikasa to burst out laughing after that scene.

"C'm one, Eren...You have to admit it was pretty funny" Armin laughed without stop, almost not being able to make a complete sentence.

"I have never seen the Captain that shocked" Mikasa also laughed, not as hard as Armin though...

"No it was't!!! That was the most humiliating thing ever!!! And just with Capt- " Eren shouted and then turned his face to the gingerhead. She wasn't even listening to anything, instead she just continued looking at the door with a silly smile on her face "And you're not even listening to me, damn it?? JUST WHO DO YOU THINK-??"

"Eren! Stop shouting! Everything went beautiful as the sun..." Lena sighed dreamily with the same silly smile on her freckled face.

"You idiot!!! Are you listening to yourself?? Captain Levi saw me without pants!!!" Eren insisted in shouting and being the dramatic boy he was.

"Is it just me or was the Captain 10 times nicer today?" Armin asked, already observing the way Lena's eyes were shining and that her cheeks full of freckles were painted in a strong color red.

"Perhaps it was because he saw Eren without his pants" Mikasa laughed quietly, not wanting to annoy Eren, but she couldn't resist. That scene was too funny.

"Okay one more joke like and I swear I'm walking through that door!!" Eren argued.

While the brown haired boy was still arguing with Mikasa, Armin was observing the gingerhead's expressions...She was a head in the clouds, but not to the point when she could ignore Eren's shouts. After all who could ignore his loud voice? But it was just when Captain Levi appeared....

The blonde was already making a theory about it...

"Uh...Lena are you there?" Armin asked, touching the freckled cheeks' shoulder.

Lena got away from her trance and looked at Armin's blue eyes, still with blush on her cheeks. Her eyes were shining so much more than usual...Now that he finally looked into her eyes, Armin was absolutely sure of what was happening with her.

"Of course I am. Don't you see me right here next to you?" Lena giggled, touching his shoulder as well.

"I meant here mentally. It's like you're in some kind of distant place" Armin said, making Lena giggle again.

"I don't know. Maybe I'm getting sick..." The gingerhead smiled playfully at the blonde boy, who only sighed.

"Then before you get sick finish this mess of a suit will you??" Eren asked, still angry with his eyebrows frowned "Before somebody comes in here and the same thing happens..."

"I'm sorry! I'm sure Captain Levi knows it was an accident" Lena smiled. She then proceeded to pick up the pins so she could finish to adjust Eren's suit.

"I don't give a damn!!! It was the most humiliating thing ever!!" Eren shouted, making Armin and Mikasa sighing and put their hands on the forehead, still smiling.

Lena knelt again so she could be pin up the pants to the brown haired's size.

"I'm sorry, Eren, I really am...And I promise I'm going to do such a great job with the suit that you won't ever remember that accident!" Lena smiled again, putting the first pin on the black fabric, right next to Eren's leg.

"Yeah right...It's more probable you stop being an stubborn ass..." Eren grouched in hopes that Lena didn't hear...Unfortunately she had heard well "OW!!! Again?? I told you to be careful!!"

"Oh this one was on purpose!"

...

Levi was already at his office finishing all of the blank pages he had on his desk...

That would never stop would it? Somehow it seemed like the work increased day after day. The raven haired man really wasn't feeling like doing it. But at the same time, he would have free time until the plan to capture the female Titan. And he wanted to take advantage of that.

Then, his eyes went to an item next to the reams of paper. The Last Carnation. He had brought the book to his office after the night with Lena so he could read it in the middle of the work. Somehow after she had told him that it was a really good book, he had felt like reading it. She could turn everything into a better thing...Levi asked himself everyday what did she see in him to have so much care for him. It was something odd...

But why was he thinking about her again? That woman didn't leave his mind and was driving him insane...Why had he gotten so nervous when he went there to look for her? His legs were going numb, there was tingling all over his body. Every time that he was with her that happened. Could that be because he was adjusting his mind to the fact that he was finally letting someone in his life emotionally? That was probably it...

Since Levi had let her inside his icy walls everything seemed different. Well...Everything had became different since the moment he met her. But his mind was more worried about the fact that he couldn't get attached to her and a dark feeling was on his chest that he said he needed to stop. He couldn't let her in. And now that he finally allowed himself to be with her and to feel everything he refused to feel, everything seemed different. He found himself noticing small details that reminded him of her and appreciating little things such as the rays of sunshine that shined on the wood of his desk.

Even if that meant that one day everything would be gone, at least he was making an effort to let her inside his walls, at least a little bit. Even if he wanted to keep her away he couldn't. So at least he could enjoy those moments while he could.

Then, the raven haired man decided to pick up the book. To at least make him remember what was it about.

"The Last Carnation", written by Michaela Doherty

The determinate and independent Camilla Müller, a girl from a small village in Wall Rose, goes to Wall Sina to become a painter. Camilla ends up having to paint the portrait of a family of aristocrats and meets Benhard Kimberly. The oldest brother of the family, at her eyes pedant, rude and ignorant. Camilla does not dream of love or marriage. Could someone change her mind?

"Tch..." Levi said, while reading the summary. The same old unrealistic nonsense.

Still, it wasn't all about that. 

When Levi opened the book and was almost starting reading the first pages, he heard a crash at the door.

"Heyy shorty!!!!" A smiley and enthusiastic Hange burst in the raven haired's office.

Levi rolled his eyes...He wasn't needing the brunette's loud voice at the moment.

"Don't you fucking know how to knock?" Levi asked with a bored voice "What do you want, four eyes?"

"You could be more polite you know? What are you doing at the moment?" Hange looked at the desk and she opened widely her mouth once she noticed what Levi was reading "You're reading the book I gave you last year?? I thought you didn't even like it!!"

"I never understood that . If you knew I didn't like it, why the hell did you buy it for me?" Levi asked with the same unemotional voice, only putting his hand on his forehead in tiredness.

"I just thought you were needing a breath of fresh air from all of those other things you read about! But why did you finally decide to read it just now?" The brunette asked with a smirk on her face.

"Because I felt like it, that's why, four eyes. Now why did you come in here?" Levi insisted.

Hange gave him a playful look...She was almost sure of what was going on with him. And it was better if he didn't even dare to think she wasn't going to tease him about it.

"It's because of the preparations for the Military Ball. To see if everything is going well. Do you have your suit?"

"No" Levi replied harshly. The brunette opened her chocolate eyes widely.

"What?? But the ball is five days from today!!" Hange said, completely shocked by what the raven man had just told her.

"I don't give a damn, I'm not even going to that shit" Levi answered, taking a gulp at the tea that was next to him.

"What do you mean you won't go??" Hange shouted, beating the table of Levi's office. He rolled his eyes, already sensing what Hange was up to "Levi, you are the most important squad captain and Humanity's Strongest Soldier. It's a matter of etiquette!"

"I couldn't care less about the stupid honorifics..." Levi answered with the same uninterested voice. He had no patience to deal with Hange in that moment. Especially to talk about that stupid ball he didn't even want "Seeing those pigs of the Military Police and a room full of hypocrites and liars? I'll pass"

Hange needed to change her strategy. If she wanted her plan to succeed she needed to find another excuse right at the moment. But not yet her special card on her sleeve, she was going to leave that for later.

"But it will be fun!!! You just have to ignore them Levi!! C'me oonn!!" Hange tried even harder to convince the squad captain to go. Not that she was surprised. Levi wasn't a man of going out especially to parties or balls "Everyone will go. The Scout Regiment won't look good if you don't go. And you can have a drink, a little chat and you'll be able to relax a bit. You need to have fun!!

"Not my proper idea of fun. You can stop trying to convince me. I won't go, it's my final decision" Levi stated with a decided voice. Hange was getting really frustrated with his insistence "Now get lost, I have paperwork to finish"

Hange rolled her eyes and sighed in frustration. Levi was clearly the most stubborn person that could possibly exist. But then, she remembered of her secret weapon. It was the perfect moment for her to use it. The brunette decided to smile playfully and started waking towards the door.

"Fine then. Do whatever you want, I'm done trying to convince your stubborn ass" Hange opened the door and turned to Levi, who was looking at her with a suspicious look "Buuut Lena will also be disappointed!"

Levi almost fell out of his chair when Hange mentioned the gingerhead. His cheeks started to heat up a little, but soon tried to return back to his serious self.

"What does Lena have to do with this? Nurses are not evening going" Levi asked, a little embarrassed but trying to sound uninterested. Clearly Hange was up to something...

"And that's where you're wrong!! Lena can go if a soldier invites her to be his pair! Maybe she's already invited by someone. There are so many soldiers who have their eyes on her..." Hange decided to just go to the teasing part. Patiently expecting a reaction from Levi.

And of course, he didn't even wait a second to react.

"What??" Levi asked . Suddenly remembering that he was supposed to not care about the freckled cheeks. He recomposed his posture and rolled his eyes "I mean...Tch! If she wants to go then let her. I don't need her to make decisions for me"

"I know that...I just wanted to tell you that she's going to be very disappointed if you don't go...Oh well... Enjoy your eternal solitary life then. Bye bye!!"

"Wait, four eyes-!!" 

But it was too late. Hange had already closed the door. And Levi could hear her giggling on the other side... He took a sigh... That crazy yet clever scientist...

What the brunette had said about the other soldiers having an eye on Lena wasn't any new to him. Levi himself had sometimes to glare at some brats who were trying to approach her or hitting on her. But could she actually been invited by to the ball? In a way that would be good...

His mind's picture of the ball didn't look so bad if he thought Lena was going... She was one of the few people that he liked having by his side and he enjoyed her company. Not to mention she was honest and genuine unlike most people that would be there... 

He started thinking about what Hange had said. She would be disappointed if he didn't go? Clearly it was a thing four eyes had told him just to convince him to go... Sure he liked Lena as a person, that was why he had all that trouble trying to break his walls for, right? Even if he was going to regret his decision he was actually happy Lena could be by his side. She enjoyed his company as much as he enjoyed hers and that kind of gave him comfort. 

However, suddenly Levi started imagining Lena in there with a pair. His stomach went sick. He could already imagine a disgusting spoiled and immature soldier taking the gingerhead to the ball and only being with her because he wanted to get his hands on her. And Lena wasn't a woman of those things. She needed to be respected and the thought of someone taking advantage of her innocence and position made his nerves boil...He preferred if she didn't go to the ball at all than seeing her with one of those hideous men. 

Just some days ago one of them was trying to approach her in a disgusting way and he had to glare at him so he could go away. Of course she didn't notice. The raven haired man sighed...He needed to be attentive at those brats.

...

"And...It's done!" Lena said joyfully, pinning the last pin in Eren's pants. Lena got up and straightened her back, taking a deep breath.

"Finally!! I can finally go out of this thing!" Eren exclaimed in relief.

The brown haired boy carefully took off his pants, standing again in his underwear shorts. Mikasa blushed at that scene, so she tried not to pay attention to Eren taking off his clothes. 

"You're going to have a beautiful suit. It will make you even more handsome!" Lena smiled at her childhood friend. Eren blushed and went immediately flustered at that sentence.

"Y-Yeah, don't think I forgot what happened a while ago. I'm still angry" Eren grouched, with his cheeks already completely red, as he pulled his brown pants on.

"And I already apologized! Do you want me to write a letter?" Lena teased, putting her arms on her waist confidently.

"What I wanted was that you stopped being such an idiot!" Eren frowned his eyebrows in anger. But Lena knew he wasn't truly angry at him. His green eyes would turn cold as ice and they were fiery as usual "And to be more careful with the things you do..."

"I am so sorry, Eren...For real. I swear it won't happen again! What can I do more to make it up to you?" Lena said again, knowing that the brown haired boy was feeling really embarrassed.

"Nothing. You're already helping Eren with the suit" Mikasa came closer to the gingerhead with a hand on her shoulder

"Shut up!! It was my opportunity to ask her to pay me food at the ball!" Eren exclaimed at the raven haired girl.

"That's what you wanted! Money doesn't grow on trees my boy! Besides...I don't even know if I'm going... " Lena suddenly lowered her face in sorrow...Lena sat down in one of the chairs, next to the table.

"Nobody invited you yet?" Armin asked, worried about her sudden change of mood.

"No...But there was a time when a soldier came to me and I was sure he was going to invite me but...Out of blue, he just put some excuse and ran away like he was scared of someone" Lena explained. Then the gingerhead smiled and took a long sigh, with her cheeks already getting red "But it wouldn't matter anyways...I wanted to be invited by someone specific..."

Eren and Mikasa frowned their eyebrows in shock and the blonde haired boy just got the confirmation of his theory. The three friends came closer to her, dying of curiosity.

"Don't tell me you're in love..." Mikasa asked with a smile on her face.

Lena faced her, with her cheeks completely blushed, her eyes smiling and a silly smile on her freckled face. Nodding her head, the two of them grew even shocker.

"No way! Who is he??" Eren asked.

"That's what you wanted to know!" Lena giggled, standing up and sighing to the ceiling "All I can say is that...I'm completely head over heels"

"I think I have a guess who that is..." Armin raised an eyebrow and let the gingerhead a smirk.

"And I want to dance with him all night long...!" Lena smiled, taking Eren's hands and spinning him around the room, while giggling uncontrollably 

"Heyy!! S-Stop it!!" Eren complained as the gingerhead spin him around the room.

"Lena...It's not Eren is it....?" Mikasa asked hesitant with a worried expression.

"Of course not!" Lena giggled, finally letting Eren go, who was still a bit flustered "But I'm going to tell you. At least not yet"

"Well whoever he is...I hope he invites going to invite you sooner or later" Mikasa gave her a small smile, now more relived that the gingerhead didn't love Eren in that way.

Lena sat down on the chair again, and rest her head on her hand. She could imagine Levi asking her to go as his pair...But the gingerhead knew that probably wouldn't happen. The raven haired Captain wasn't quite of a hopeless romantic like she was. And he had made that very clear when they started getting to know each other.

"I don't know...I don't think he likes things like that very much..." Lena sighed, looking at the teenagers with shiny eyes "But it would be a dream if he asked me..."

"He better have the patience of a saint to deal with you" Eren chuckled with a smirk, making Lena smack immediately his arm "OW!"

"This stubborn as a dunk boy gets on my nerves!!" Lena laughed at the brown haired boy.

"Oh yeah look who's talking! You're the most stubborn person I know!" Eren said, knowing also that deep down the gingerhead was only joking.

"I guess we can all agree that you two are equally the most stubborn people on the Walls" Armin giggled. 

"Armin is right...As always" Mikasa smiled at the two childhood friends.

Lena smiled kindly at her friends...

She was so happy they were there with her. The gingerhead didn't know where she would be at that moment without them there. And it frustrated her not spending so much time with them as she wanted...

"By the way, Mikasa. What about your dress? Can we see it?" Lena asked to the raven haired girl, smiling excitedly.

"I still don't have one. When I went shopping with them I didn't find anything that I liked" Mikasa replied, smoothly.

"What? But the ball is in some days! We have to find one for you!" Lena said determinate, making the raven haired girl frown her eyebrows in confusion "Tonight we are going shopping to get you a dress!"

"We would be wasting our time. I didn't find anything I liked or that suited me" Mikasa replied dryly, like she didn't even care that much "I think I'm just going back one of these days, get the first thing I see and that will be it"

Lena went sad when the raven haired girl said that... She didn't want Mikasa to wear something she didn't like to a night like that.

"Why do you girls care so much about that? As long as you don't pick those pink and flowery dresses it's fine to me" Eren replied, also dryly, making Mikasa blush and look down.

"Well are you the one wearing the dress, Eren?" Lena asked, raising an eyebrow with a smirk.

"What kind of question is that? Of course I'm not"

"Then you don't have a say in what Mikasa wears or not" The gingerhead smirked, winking at him. Then she turned her a look at Mikasa and smiled kindly at her "Every girl likes to feel pretty on her own, it's not just about impressing boys. And we have every right to enjoy looking at ourselves in the mirror, even if it's just once in a while"

Mikasa's eyes shined and she smiled sweetly at the gingerhead. The raven haired girl didn't show her emotions a lot, but when she smiled she looked even more pretty at Lena's eyes. She was already beautiful, but when her grey eyes shined and her lips formed a sweet, yet shy, smile she looked even more.

"Fine...You don't have to exaggerate, I was only saying..." Eren replied, even though he had probably regretted what he had just said.

"It's okay, Eren..." Mikasa replied, with her cheeks still red.

"Yes we know you weren't meaning it like that. It was just a warning" Lena winked at the blonde and the brown haired boy. But then suddenly an idea popped up the gingerhead's "You know what? I'll be the one making your dress, Mikasa!"

"W-What? But I don't want-" Mikasa opened widely her eyes, not knowing much what to say to that.

"No buts! Just tell me more or less the design you want and I can make it in a few days" Lena smiled , getting up from the chair she had sat on and facing Mikasa with a smiley face "We can go shopping tonight for fabrics, I'm sure there are plenty of your taste"

"Lena, I seriously don't want you to through all this trouble for this" Mikasa said with a worried voice.

"Don't be silly, Mikasa! I love sewing, I haven't done it since I made my dresses when I arrived in here. I would love to make a new dress. Especially if it's for you" Lena said with a sweet smile on her freckled face "It's not going to be as fancy as the ones from the stores but at least it can have a little bit of yourself and of your own taste in it"

Mikasa only smiled, and her grey black eyes shined even more brightly. 

"Thank you...And I didn't want anything fancy anyways" Mikasa said, smiling down with her pale cheeks blushing "But do you think they will let us go out?"

"I can talk to Captain Levi when I go to his office later. But I bet he won't mind, the older soldiers are always going out at night" Lena said, already with her cheeks going red just thinking about the raven haired man.

"Then...I would love to go" Mikasa replied, still with her smooth and soft voice "But can Armin and Eren come as well?"

"How are you even asking me that? Of course they can!" Lena replied laughing and then turned to the brown and the blonde boy "Maybe you will even find something for yourselves"

"Sounds great, what do you think Eren?" Armin asked.

"Okay, and you can pay me food in Trost then!" Eren smirked.

Lena started laughing. She was so happy to go out with her friends...They hadn't been together for so long and it was amazing that they got to spend time together before the next mission. And she was going to take advantage of that time to make the memories they had wasted together...The gingerhead loved them so much...No words could explain the love she felt for them...

And making Mikasa's dress was going to be a great breath of fresh air after all that work. She just wanted them to be happy and feel happy...

"I love you, sugarplums...We're going to have a great time together..." Lena smiled kindly at the teenagers. But then, she looked at the clock on her wall "God, it's already this late! I told Captain I would be at his office by now!!"

"So if the Captain lets us go out, we see each other at 8pm?" Mikasa asked. It was more or less after they had dinner.

"After I talk to him I'm going to meet you to give you his answer! And then at that hour we can meet! It's going to be so much fun!" Lena giggled excitedly.

The four of them started walking towards the door, with smiles on their faces. The gingerhead closed the door of her office with her key, and the three teenagers went to the front of her. After locking the door, she turned at them with a sweet yet awkward smile.

"So...See you later?" Lena asked excitedly.

"See you, Lena" Mikasa said, also with a soft smile on her porcelain skin.

"Bye, see you later" Eren chuckled.

While they both started walking front, Lena felt a hand grabbing her shoulder.

"I already know who he is by the way...Good luck with your talk with the Captain" Armin said to her quietly in an attempt to tease her because of how in love she looked like.

Blush covered Lena's face all over again. Of course that boy was going to find out who he was, that boy was smarter than the three of them together.

"How do you-?? You don't dare tell anyone, Armin! You hear me??" Lena whispered to him in panick.

"Don't worry, my lips are sealed" Armin giggled "But seriously, good luck. I just want you to continue looking that happy"

Armin gave her the same kind smiles of his and Lena gave him a warm hug. To which he immediately returned...

"Thank you, Armin..."

Chapter Text

Levi was still on his office, waiting patiently for someone specific to knock at the door. He was drowning in paperwork and now with his leg on its state he couldn't even go training. But at least he could drink tea to calm down...

And there the raven haired waited for her to appear...She didn't leave his mind since that night. Every time she appeared it was like his legs were going numb, his heart beat so fast it looked like he was going. Perhaps he was getting sick...

KNOCK! 

KNOCK!

KNOCK!

Levi immediately got up from the chair in an instance, almost letting his cup of tea falling. Could it be her?

"Name-Name and business?" Levi said between coughs. Damn, he needed to calm the hell down, he didn't even know if it was Lena.

"I-It's Lena, Captain! You wanted to talk to me?" Her sweet voice asked.

Levi took quick deep breaths and kept saying to himself that he needed to calm down. After all it was just Lena, that talkative and clumsy woman of always. He had absolutely no reason to feel nervous.

Letting her finally into his life probably made him feel still regret, fear and hesitation. But at the same time... It didn't feel bad at all. Those emotions were negative, but he didn't feel that way. That was different... He had never felt that way in all of his life.

What was going on with him? First he was scared of getting too close, then he made the decision to continue what they had, he even fell asleep on her. So what the hell was he feeling?

"You can enter- I mean you may enter" Levi replied, sitting on his chair again. 

Putting his hand on his mouth and he was cursing himself mentally without stop, so he decided to pretend he was just busy with the paperwork he was finishing.

The gingerhead opened the door, and peeked in the room with her head. She saw a clearly busy Levi drowning in paperwork. She sighed...He was beautiful even when he was concentrated and filled with work...

Slowly entering the room with her toasted yellow summer dress and her orange curls falling down her shoulders, Lena gave the raven haired man a sweet smile, with her blue eyes shining.

Levi was already feeling the sweat falling down his skin with his accelerated heartbeat as he heard the gingerhead entered in his office. The raven haired man composed himself, coughing and pretending to have the same stoic yet uninterested self.

"You wanted to talk to me, sir? " Lena said in the same sweet voice and her blue eyes shining with curiosity.

She came closer to the raven haired man's desk, also with her heart beating like crazy. Levi looked handsome even he was busy and concentrated... But nothing could compare to when he almost smiled...

Lena wondered how would he look if he one day he showed his smile...

"Yes...I got my leg hurt in the last expedition and I've been treating it by myself. But as it's not healing fast enough the Commander told me for you treat it" Levi said, trying to make himself feel calmer "So...You think you can make any time for it?"

"I would love!" Lena answered in the most excited way possible. But some seconds later she realized she was being too enthusiastic about it"I-I mean, it's always a pleasure to help, sir. But I should warn you, I can't do any miracles. I can help you treating your leg but these things take some time. So physiotherapy can help, but it's not guaranteed of anything"

"Tch as long as you don't break it more I'm sure I have nothing to worry about, big mouth" Levi replied, trying to sound uninterested. Then he took a sigh and looked at his paperwork again "So... Mind if we start tomorrow?"

"For me it's more than alright! I will more than happy to break your leg- I mean treat your leg!!" Lena said, so excited and nervous than she switched the words. She really needed to control more jitters when she was around the raven haired man.

Levi hadn't seen Lena smiley and enthusiastic like that in a while. But somehow she was smiling more lately and her sad blue eyes shined so bright.

The gingerhead observed his features as well. Levi had been with his guard down around her more... And it gave him such a different aura. She firmly believed that Captain Levi Humanity's Strongest and Levi were two different people. And she definitely liked more of Levi himself. And wouldn't ever get tired of him letting go of his always guard self.

"I-I appreciate your help" Levi said smoothly, returning his eyes to meet hers.

"I told you, I am always going to be here, sir..." Lena replied, with her sweet smile of always.

"A-Alright..." Levi replied, looking down, already feeling the nerves and the warm on his chest taking advantage of him. He still had no idea how to react to that...

"B-By the way, there was something I needed to ask you about as well" Lena said, putting a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Well, spit it out" Levi just replied, with his eyes back on the paperwork in front of him.

"I have to drop by Trost tonight so I was thinking that... Maybe I could go with my friends as well...?" Lena asked, a bit hesitant.

"Your friends you mean the Titan boy, Mikasa and Armin?" Levi asked, raising an eyebrow in sarcasm.

"I already told you not to call Eren that" Lena argued, frowning her thick eyebrows.

"Well do I win a special price if I don't call him that?" Levi teased. Lena knew the game he was playing so she decided to continue.

"Yes, sir! I don't throw a hissy fit and you don't have to listen to me shout at you" Lena chuckled, clearly just messing with the raven haired man.

"Oh is that a price? This is the shittiest contest I've ever been in" Levi continued being sarcastic as Lena just gave him the same playful smiles.

"Then you shouldn't have entered on it" Lena replied playfully.

"Yeah yeah whatever, are you meaning those three or you're not?" Levi continued, being the stubborn man he always was.

Lena rolled her blue eyes but let a little smile. The gingerhead loved teasing him too much. She loved that playful side of Levi and needed to see more of it. There was something about him wearing those simple clothes and being so at ease that he didn't even seem like the man she had met when she first arrived. And Lena remembered the first time they met like it had been on the day before.

"Yes, it's them. I want to make a dress for Mikasa so I'm going off to the town to find one that she likes. And maybe finding something for the boys was well" The gingerhead replied.

"You're making a dress for that Ackerman girl?" Levi asked confused.

"Yes, I'm going to be her fairy godmother for the Military Ball" Lena replied with a sweet smile.

"Right... The Military Ball" Levi murmured to himself as he remembered what Hange had talked to him about before Lena had arrived "Well... You four can go, as long as you don't return very late. And... Are you sure you will be safe?"

Levi knew exactly why he was asking her that. He didn't want Lena to go to that pee smelling hole full of creeps and not have the proper defenses. Just imagining that scenario freeze completely his chest. And he didn't dare to lose any other again.

The people of the city were horrendous and Lena hadn't been out in a while. He just wanted to make sure she would go safe and come back safe...

"Are you well on your head, Captain? I have Armin, who is the smartest person I know, Eren who can turn into a Titan and Mikasa. Mikasa" Lena laughed, still with her arms crossed, almost not believing what her Captain was asking "So yes safety is not a problem with bodyguard like them"

Of course he hadn't thought about that...Having those three by her side would help but even so it wouldn't grant her safety. They were teenagers, they would most likely be distracted by something. Not to mention it would be most likely Lena to have responsibility on them because she was much older. It managed him to feel more calm, but even so he was still a bit septic...

"Tch I know those brats are strong, but even so..." Levi looked down at the table, embarrassed with that question "Just be careful..."

Lena smiled from ear to ear with the raven haired man's clearly worried tone. It was so heartwarming to know Levi was worried about her safety...His icy walls were finally melting and it made her so happy...

Then, she ran towards him and gave him a caring kiss on the cheek with a smile on her face.

Levi paralyzed at her act.

He was feeling completely numb, the tingling on his stomach increased and opened widely his blue greyish eyes to look at that woman who had a damn smile on her face.

"Thank you so much! I'm going to tell them right now, Mikasa's going to be so happy!!" Lena smiled, already with her cheeks red "See you later, Captain! And tomorrow you already know, time to treat your leg!! Goodbye!"

Lena started walking towards the door, still with her excited smile and blush on her cheeks. She had been bold and had no courage to face the Captain after that...What would he be thinking after she kissed him? The gingerhead had no idea...But she had to start at somewhere and it had only been a caring kiss. Lena kissed her friends all the time, and she was sure the raven haired man would understand.

But she was still curious about his reaction...

Levi was still looking at the door even if the freckled cheeks wasn't already there. His eyes wide opened, his heart beating and still processing everything that happened.

The raven haired man touched his cheek in awe, still thinking about what had happened.

Tch of course Lena was the type to do that He was always seeing her kissing her colleagues and her friends on the cheek. But even so it left him completely aghast. The raven haired Captain still wasn't used to that kind of caring contact. But still plenty of women had kissed him in plenty of ways, why did he feel so nervous when it was her?

And with all of that he had forgotten to ask her if she was really going with someone to the Military Ball. Only because he was concerned, that was all. A complete uninterested worry, of course.

Levi sighed...His mind was a mess. But at the same time he felt...Good. Those nerves would probably go away with the time. He only needed to get used to it

...

Later on, Lena and her three sugarplums went off to the city of Trost after a long day of training, paperwork, cleaning and making dresses.

They walked through the illuminated and crowded streets as they chatted happily with each other. There were a lot of people outside at that hour, it was usually when families went to get dinner together at restaurants. As most of the population was from a middle class, they could afford those things.

The gingerhead observed the children with their parents, playing and eating together. Going into stores in that lovely pre-evening. Lena loved children so much and really missed working at the local hospital to taking care of some of them. Sure some of them were really rude, but nothing that some words of love couldn't solve.

"What store are we going in first?" Mikasa asked as they four walked at a line.

The three cadets were still wearing their uniforms, so people would know that they were soldiers and not to mess with them. But Lena was wearing a long flowing summer white dress so she could walk more at ease around the town.

"I was thinking about Victoria Fabrics. They have the most beautiful ones, I used to go there to make dresses for my nieces" Lena replied with a smile, although trying to remember where that store was.

"Do we really have to go too? Can't we just go somewhere else and then meet you here?" Eren asked, looking at the gingerhead.

"But Mikasa wants your opinion on the fabric and the design she's going to choose. Even if I don't really agree, right Mikasa? " Lena asked and the raven haired girl nodded her head.

"But it's boring I bet you're going to spend there hours!" Eren complained.

"No we're not! Mikasa is a decided girl. And besides can't you just handle a little of bore to help your friend?" Lena asked with a playful smile.

"Ugh if you put it that way..." The brown haired boy rolled his eyes and took a long sigh.

They had finally arrived at the avenue of the district. With a big fountain in the middle of it, stoned in horses figures. The gingerhead sighed...She hadn't been to Trost in such a long time. She certainly didn't miss that sewage smell but everything went back on her head like a distant memory. It still was very torn out because of the Trost almost fall. But luckily they had Eren. Lena was so proud but at the same time things were still could still be frightening. 

But the gingerhead trusted him so much. She was sure he was going to save Humanity from the Titans, there was just something about Eren that made everyone feel hope. And he could be too straight forward and emotional but he was from a determination that even inspired her. With his green eyes full of fire...

"Now...Where could that store be, I can't remember" Lena frowned her eyebrows and observed the exists of the avenue.

"Isn't that store next to the Trost primary school?" Armin asked "I remember passing there in one of our training

"Yes!I used to go to the store right before I would visit the children!" Lena slapped her forehead in total realization "I swear I only don't forget my head because it's tied on my neck! It's this way, come on!"

The four of them started entering in one of the streets of Trost.

People walked in and out of stores, restaurants, cafes and taverns. Some drunk men in esplanades whistled and catcalled Lena and Mikasa, which infuriated them, but then Eren and Armin faced them and they immediately quieted down. The gingerhead and the brown haired boy were about to say some things to them, but of course Armin stopped them before they got into more trouble.

After some minutes of walking, they had finally reached the primary school, a pretty big building with a gigantic garden and gate. Right in front of it, at the other side of the street there was that ancient fabric store. When they were almost passing through the street, the gingerhead took a look at the building.

She didn't go to the school very often. Perhaps in the beginning of her first year, but as soon as they figured out she was better as a nurse, Lena immediately was transferred to Trost's hospital. It broke her heart a little leaving all those children behind. She had loved playing music to them, even if it was just for some weeks. The freckled cheeks loved children, and one of the things who made her undecided before joining the convent was that she had always wanted to get married and have children, becoming a nun was only an old dream of her childhood. But there was something that called her heart to that place, and she couldn't ignore her heart, besides making her parents that were in heaven to forgive her...

"Elena?" Lena heard someone call her name and immediately turned back.

It was no other than sister Agatha and some novices. A giant smile painted her freckled cheeks and she started walking behind.

"Huh? Hey Lena where the hell are you going?" Eren asked, already in the other side of the street.

"You go in without me! I won't take much time!!" Lena said excitedly as she ran over to find the brunette sister.

"Are you serious? She didn't let us go somewhere else and now we enter without her?" Eren rolled his green eyes and sighed "She still acts like a mom all the time..."

"Lena has always been a maternal person...But now that we're soldiers it's a bit strange..." Armin replied, entering in the store, where some people were already buying fabrics.

"She just wants the best for us..." Mikasa said smoothly, getting the attention of the other boys. The raven haired girl was already seeing some fabrics in the shelves "It doesn't matter if we are cadets, captains, squad leaders of even commanders. She will always want to protect us. And I will always protect her as well"

"Me too..." The blonde haired boy said, giving Mikasa a kind smile.

Eren looked at his feet with longing. Maybe sometimes he was too harsh on her, but Lena had always told him to be straightforward and to say what he felt whenever he felt like. And perhaps he took her advice a bit too far...Her protective way irritated him, it made him feel weak. He was the one who was supposed to protect her, not the other way around. He was a soldier, not the same boy she met.

But Eren couldn't deny that he loved that way as well. It brought him back to his childhood in Shingashina. And he loved her unconditionally like an older sister, even though he would never admit it.

"You're right...As much as annoying as Lena is all the time..." Eren started, looking down at his feet with longing "She's like my sister and...I want to protect her too.."

From the other side of the street, the gingerhead hugged tightly sister Agatha, who was so happy to see the ex novice again. She was one of the ones who found her funny rather than irresponsible, mannerless and forgetful. One of the ones she could have a proper conversation with.

"Sister Agatha, I missed you so much!" Lena exclaimed to happy to see the brown haired middle age woman.

"I've missed you too, my child. Dear God, you look different. Much more mature" Sister Agatha commented, making the gingerhead touch her own face in instinct "You must have grown a lot"

It was true, Lena's face was now with maturer features, and with a maturer soul as well.

Since the Scout Regiment, she might not have been able to notice, but the growth was something as clear as glass to her. Still straightforward, wild and joyful of course. But much less impulsive and reckless. Also perhaps stronger emotionally with all of those losses, it was a necessary pain. 

Lena was needing growth and the Reverend Mother's plan was just that. She wasn't doing anything on that convent anymore, she needed to see new places, meeting other people, to grow as a person. And her plan had been successful, at least for now. Of course Levi was the main person that contributed to her change, teaching her to think twice before doing those crazy things of hers and not be that passionate.

"Don't exaggerate, you're making it seem like I'm an 80 year old lady!" Lena joked, still intertwining her hands with the middle aged nun.

"But it's true. Perhaps it's because you've gained some weight as well" Sister Agatha continued.

Lena blushed at that sentence and began to to feel a little bit uncomfortable.

It was possible that Lena had gained some weight, she didn't go to the hills like she used to in the convent, all the time or she was or walking around or playing guitar when she wasn't treating soldiers or drowning in paperwork. She had never been skinny, but she wasn't fat either. Maybe someone could consider her a little chubby and being short didn't really help. Her thighs specially were very thick, and her hips were also large. All of that made her look chubbier than she was.

Lena had always felt comfortable in her body and never really cared about what people thought of her. But that conversation was starting to pop her hidden insecurities out.

"Huh? And what if I gained some weight, is there something wrong with it?" Lena asked without thinking.

"Of course not dear, it just changed your appearance, that's it" Sister Agatha noticed her sudden change and decided to change the subject "But tell me how has your life been between the Scouts. Have they been giving you a hard time?"

Lena shook her head and tried to vanish the other subject of her mind.

"Well... At the same time it's harder than I thought, but at the same time it's not that hard when I have amazing soldiers beside me..." Lena started "I know this that God really wants me to do. Just in the first day I met some friends of my childhood that I thought I had lost in the fall of Wall Maria. If this isn't destiny what can you call it?"

"Impressive indeed... It looks like God has finally decided where you belong. I am so happy for you my child..." Sister Agatha gave her a smile and touched her cheek "So I'm guessing you are going to stay there then"

"Yes... Even though it's so frightening every month and... It makes your soul hurt so much when you don't see your soldiers coming back to treat them... And seeing the despair on their faces...." Lena started to talk in a sadder tone, looking down "It's what God wants me to do. And I'm always going to do his will. And even if I'm apart I still pray everyday and sing like I used to"

"That makes me so happy that you found your will... But it also leaves me a bit disappointed..." Sister Agatha said "Ever since you left... It's like the abbey lost a part of its soul. Even Sister Susanne noticed your departure. And at the hospital... The nurses miss you so much..."

Lena opened widely her blue eyes and frowned her eyebrows. How could they miss her? They were always complaining about her... Now it made Lena a bit regretful of going away. But at the same time she wasn't...

"I... I never thought I could make any difference in there..." Lena looked down at her feet, without knowing much what to say

"Oh but you do... Even though, knowing that you have found God's will for you, we all miss you very dearly. Are you sure you don't want to return?" Sister Agatha asked.

"No, I'm sorry but I'm not going back. I have all of my soldiers who need me, I don't think I am ready to make a life like you and also...." Lena blushed, thinking about the raven haired man.

Lena didn't have the courage to leave Levi.

She had grown so used to him...Just thinking about leaving him made her completely frozen. Just when he was avoiding her she had missed his presence and him talking to her. But now that he had finally allowed her to enter in his life emotionally and not only as a colleague and acquaintance but as a friend and in her hopes as a lover, it made her impossible to think about leaving that man behind. And just like staying there was God's will for her, so was to love him with everything she could and to be there for him. He had lost so many on his life, he passed all of his life with people abandoning him...

Lena had promised to be there for him. She couldn't handle being far away from him anymore...She needed him, she needed to hear his voice making fun of her, she needed to see his blue eyes that pierced into her soul and her heart... She couldn't imagine not seeing them anymore. And perhaps one day she was going to regret it... But Lena knew she was going to regret not being by his side while he was still here much more.

"I am so glad you are happy... My child" Sister Agatha started again, taking her away from her trance "And those friends of yours, were those children who walked into that store?"

"Yes, it's them... I love them with all my heart" Lena smiled sweetly as she looked at the other side of the street "Speaking about it, they are probably waiting for me. I should go"

"You do well, Elena" Sister Agatha smiled.

Lena gave her a sweet smile and another hug. Sister Agatha was a very conservative woman, but she meant well and the gingerhead could tell she was a kind person. And she couldn't deny that she missed her.

"I miss all of you..." Lena said kindly as she separated from the middle age woman.

"We miss you too... And remember to visit us in the convent when you have free time" Sister Agatha said.

"Of course I will. Goodbye, sister Agatha, God bless you" Lena gave her a flying kiss with a smile and went back to running towards the other side of the street.

The gingerhead quickly passed the street and stood in front of the store in front of her. The shop was enormous and imposing, having even two floors just of fabrics, accessories and sewing material. Right on the entrance, there was a big sign that shined with the lamps of the street.

Victoria Fabrics

Lena hadn't been inside in a long time, since the last time she had made clothes for her nieces and nephews. The fabrics that the store sent weren't as sophisticated as the dress they had on Sina or in other stores of Rose. But the gingerhead thought they were beautiful and, not only they were cheap, but imitated those fancy and soft fabrics of the dresses of the high class. Lena thought they were even more beautiful than the others.

With a smile on her face, she finally entered the building and her eyes faced shelves and shelves full of fabrics with all colors, textures and patterns. Lena started touching the ones that were right next to the door. Not her style, those were pretty harsh in tones like beige, light brown, yellows and grey. Very pastel tones. It was more or less the colors of her dresses, only she had drawn some flower patterns on them so they didn't look so dead.

In the middle of the room, there were stairs that led to the the second floor. Behind and in front of the stairs were a hundred of beautiful fabrics and accessories to choose. Her blue eyes wandered around it looking for her friends, but there was no sight of them.

"Strange, maybe they went upstairs..." Lena whispered to herself as she looked around if she saw another fabrics that she could see.

Her gaze suddenly stopped in a shelve right next to the stairs, where she saw a strange bright. With curiosity, the freckled cheeks started walking to the direction of that reflection. She loved seeing fabrics, but she couldn't stay for much long since Levi had told them to arrive early.

Already next to that shelve, her eyes started shining when she found one of the most beautiful fabrics she had ever seen, with her favorite color.

It was of a beautiful light blue, even more blue than the sky itself but also really soft and bright. It was probably almost the same color of her eyes, at least it was just as bright. It didn't have any pattern, it was just a plain blue and it didn't look it had a harsh texture.

Softly, the freckled cheeks touched it to feel its texture. It was as soft as it looked and it was so beautiful. If one could fall in love with an object, Lena had fallen in love with that fabric. It was so beautiful and soft, she could only imagine making a beautiful dress with that...

"Lena! We're upstairs!" Armin, who was at the end of stairs called.

"Ohh I'll be right behind you!" Lena smiled, as she left the fabric with sorry and started climbing the stairs.

She arrived at the second floor. It was just like the first, only instead of the door it had a big window from where she could see the whole primary school building. It also had lots of fabrics, but that floor was more used to accessories. Her eyes met immediately the faces of the two teenagers. The gingerhead went right next to them and gave them a kind smile.

"So, did did something catch your eye?" Lena smiled towards Mikasa, who nodded her head.

"Yes, a lot of them. But actually I'm really undecided about these two" Mikasa replied smoothly as she touched two fabrics in the table that was in the middle of the room.

Lena came closer finally saw the fabrics the raven haired girl was talking about.

One was a beautiful light middleton pink. As soft and tender as the blue one that she had seen on the first floor. Also very bright and it resembled just like the ones from the fancy dresses of the other stores. The other was just like the first, but instead of pink it was a pretty lavender. Lena's eyes shined brightly at those beautiful fabrics.

"Wow...They're so beautiful. And they both would look so pretty on you. No wonder why you're undecided" Lena smiled kindly to the raven haired girl.

"I really like the pink one, and I think it's what I think it's more like me. But at the same time, lavender is also beautiful and Eren said he liked it the most" Mikasa explained.

"Hey! I didn't say any of that! You asked me which I preferred and I was honest" Eren said, supporting his body in one of the shelves.

"I think the lavender would make a better contrast with her pale skin. But pink also would look great" Armin said, being completely honest.

Lena observed the two and then looked at Mikasa.

There was no doubt that the lavender would make a beautiful contrast. But the pink transmitted so much Mikasa's usually serene personality. And it would look so good on her, she could make an amazing dress with that tone.

"Which of those do you like the most? I mean which of those would you prefer to see you in? Don't forget it's going to be an unique night" Lena asked. It wouldn't resolve the problem but at least it could help her decide.

"Well...I think if I could chose one in the last hour...Maybe the pink one" Mikasa answered, still a little bit hesitant "I think it's much more of me..."

"Take your time. We still have at least an hour before the Captain Ice Cube sends a search squad to look for us" Lena giggled.  

"No, I think I already decided" Mikasa smiled with her cheeks full of a shade of red. Then she took the pink one and smiled kindly at the gingerhead "I choose this one"

Lena smiled excitedly to the raven haired girl. That color would look beautiful in her and the gingerhead could already imagine making a beautiful dress that was just her face.

"Yes! It's going to look so good on you!!" Lena held her hands in a caring way, suddenly having already an idea for the dress "Hang on just a minute, I had an idea!"

The three teenagers looked at the freckled cheeks running to the other side of the room and to one of the tables, right next to the big window. She moved and moved her hands, picking some material and putting them back until she finally found what she needed.

"There it is!!" Lena exclaimed happily, holding a more transparent fabric, more or less the same color as the dress. Also with something that looked like petals on it.

"What's that?" Eren asked, raising a eyebrow.

The freckled cheeks picked up the fabric and went back to those three teenagers. She showed it to Mikasa, so she could understand more or less what she was planning to do with that.

"This is a thing that can be use in the dress. It's very loosen and transparent and can give the dress a more flowy appearance. What do you think, Mikasa?" Lena asked with her blue eyes shining brightly.

"It's beautiful" Mikasa replied, always with a soft voice, as her dark as the night shining as well.

"So? Is it decided you're buying that one?" Armin asked, smiling kindly towards the raven haired girl.

"Yes, I think I really am going to wear a dress I like..." Mikasa said, still a bit shy.

"Yes you are! You're going to feel beautiful..." Lena exclaimed giving Mikasa a giant smile, that could shine the whole building.

"Thank you so much..." Mikasa said to the gingerhead.

"You don't have to thank me, sugarplum. Now let's make it official and buy it?" Lena asked excitedly.

"Let's go! I'm tired of staying in here!" Eren sighed, rolling his eyes and started walking towards the stairs.

Lena giggled as she watched her three friends, so wholesome... It made her feel so good knowing they were happy. She could even go beyond the Walls if it meant they could be happy and feeling good. And she needed to live those moments with them while she could.

After all who told her how much time they had?

...

"Come back whenever you want, thank you for buying in Victoria Fabrics" the employer said as the four of them walked outside of the store.

"Thank you so much!" They all said in unison.

Lena, Armin and Mikasa started walking on their way to the headquarters. The raven haired girl with the box of the fabric on her arms, they were already getting out of the town. It was 10pm, just in time for them to return home.

Home was a strange word to describe that place. But it was the closest they had to a home, after all.

And just in time before Levi got all worried about where they could be. She knew the Captain trusted her and the kids, but even so he couldn't help but to be protective. The gingerhead smiled thinking about that...

Levi wasn't the best at showing his emotions, probably even the worst she had met. But when he tried to be protective without seeming too obvious was so adorable... He could be so cute when he wasn't angry. Lena blushed and smiled like a fool just thinking of him...

Armin and Mikasa talked more at front of the group and as Eren noticed  the freckled cheeks' silly smile and blush, of course he was going to tease her about it.

"Hey is your head even in here? Lately you have been more in the clouds than ever" Eren asked, touching the gingerhead's shoulder.

Lena got out of her daydreaming about the Captain to find a brown haired boy with a playful expression. She smiled playfully at him and her cheeks blushed even harder.

"What do you want me to do? I can't help it. There's so much going on that I feel my head is going to jump from here to out of the Walls" Lena said, not understanding much what he was talking about.

"I meant with that stupid smile on your face. You look like a kid" Eren replied crossing his arms.

"Then if I look like a kid, you look like a grumpy old man who's always complaining" Lena laughed and punched his shoulder in a friendly way.

"Oh yeah I forget that you're older than me because you still look like a 13 year old" Eren teased with a smirk.

"Be careful that the saint is made of mud! Small body big soul, don't forget that" Lena laughed, and Eren replied with chuckles.

There had been a while since they had teased each other like that. Their friendship was basically like that with playful insults, Eren getting mad at her and Lena just laughing to that dramatic boy's reaction. And the gingerhead wouldn't give up on it for the World.

She was sure Eren was going to grow up to become an amazing man and soldier.

"Okay, I was kidding. It's just...Nice seeing you that happy again" Eren said, giving one of his kind smiles to his old friend "But I already warn you. If he hurts you I'm going to kick his ass, no thinking twice..." Eren said, frowning his eyebrows. 

The gingerhead started laughing, already imagining Eren when he found out who was the person Eren was talking about. Levi was most likely to beat his ass and the other way around. But it was nice seeing the brown haired boy protective.

"Ohh my little Eren worried?" Lena asked playfully at him, which made Eren blush and roll his eyes.

"Shut up! It's normal to be worried especially when you're kind of stupid" Eren smirked, making the gingerhead give him a punch one more time.

"Oh, you shut up. It's sweet knowing you're worried. But I'm a grown up woman" Lena smiled sweetly at him, the brown haired boy still with blush on his cheeks. Then she gave him a playful smirk "Now tell me about you! Is there someone special in your life? Do you have a pair for the ball...?"

"W-What's with the change of conversation, huh?? And there is no one!" Eren blushed even harder and crossed his arms.

"Hmm I don't know. Maybe there is someone closer than you think" Lena said, touching his shoulder and looking at the raven haired girl there was in front of them.

Lena had always known Mikasa liked him, but that boy was so dense that he had no idea of that. Although the gingerhead wasn't sure if he simply chose not to know. All she knew was that the raven haired girl wasn't ever going to tell him what she felt. She was too afraid, and with good reasons.

"W-What are you even talking about, dumbass?" Eren rolled his eyes, still with his face completely red.

"Nothing! When you're older you will get it!" Lena laughed at the brown haired boy flustered self. Then she remembered something she had bought in Trost "Oh and by the way, I bought you your food as a repayment for this morning's accident"

Lena took from her old bag a bread that had what it looked like grilled meat inside. Eren's green eyes started shining as he saw the gingerhead hand him that food.

"Wow, thanks! The next time Sasha has to come with us as well" Eren chuckled and he took a bite from that delicious meat.

"I think that's a great idea!"

She then gave the brown haired boy a tight and warm side hug. Still continuing walking behind Mikasa and Armin. Eren got caught by surprise but soon put his arm around her as he rolled his green chuckling, feeling the freckled' cheeks laughing on his chest. And there they walked until the Headquarters

Lena loved them so much and couldn't imagine anything happen to them. At least she prayed nothing would happen...

Lena only knew she needed to live those happy moments with them while it lasts...

Chapter Text

The gingerhead's room had transformed into a boutique. Pink fabric everywhere, scissors, measuring tape and a big mannequin right next to the window. On the table there was an old sewing machine which Lena was using to make the raven haired's dress.

It was almost ready, she only needed to place the more transparent one and the accessories. The freckled cheeks let go a squeal in excitement. She was already imagining Mikasa dressing on it. It wasn't a sophisticated dress like the ones from those fancy stores and boutiques, which made Lena a little insecure. After all, she was no expert, even if she had learned to sew by herself since an early age, and the nuns in the convent had given her lots of advice.

"It's not a very fancy dress but...At least it has a little bit of Mikasa in it. She's going to be so happy!" Lena said smiling from ear to ear and giving little jumps in excitement.

She only hoped Mikasa would like it.

KNOCK!

KNOCK!

KNOCK!

"Come in" Lena said with a smile looking at the door.

It was no other than Judy, still with her apron wrapped around her waist, wearing a playful smile.

"May I come in, Mrs. dressmaker?" Judy asked smirking, making the gingerhead laugh.

"Of course you may!" Lena laughed, staring to touch the dress so she could place some pins on it.

The middle aged brunette walked in the room and gave the gingerhead a sweet smile. While observing the long pink dress that was in front of her full of pins and fabrics all around the floor. Her chocolate eyes looked at Lena with a playful smile on her face.

"Wow...It's getting really pretty. You did this today?" Judy smiled, and Lena's cheeks blushed already with the compliment.

"Yes, I just have to sew some parts, place in the transparent dress and it's ready. It's not like the dresses of those ladies of Sina but...Maybe my sugarplum will like it" Lena smiled kindly thinking about Mikasa's sweet face getting painted with joy.

She only hoped Mikasa liked it, the pressure was more than what the gingerhead expected. She really wanted to see her happy with that dress and feel like herself. It would be completely disappointed if she didn't like the dress.

"I'm sure she is. The only thing I complain however is this mess" Judy changed her expression to a more serious one "Just look around you. This is looking more like a dress store than a room. I really hope you clear up all of this, Lena"

Lena smiled awkwardly. It was true the room was pretty messy but she couldn't help it. She was already messy in the daily life, now with all of that materials around her it made her organization even more terrible.

"Stop exaggerating, it's not even that messy" Lena giggled. Judy widened her eyes and have her a kind of shocked smile

"Have you gone blind? Since you've been working on that thing this room had never known piece" Judy said, not in an angry tone, but in a surprised tone. Probably wondering how was it possible for Lena to not have noticed all of that disorganization.

"Okay maybe it's just a little bit unorganized. And I know you always want everything in place so don't worry that I'm going to arrange everything" Lena said, much likely with a finger crossed behind her back. There was no way she would arrange all of that in so little time.

Judy raised an eyebrow with a smirk.

"Of course you are...It's more probable a saint to fall from the altar" Judy smirked sarcastically, already knowing the gingerhead too well. Lena chuckled at Judy's bad mood "Besides you haven't done other thing than working on that dress lately. I really hope you're not slacking off to work"

"Dear God, Judy it sounds like you don't know me at all. I'm just going to start treating Captain Levi's leg today" Lena crossed her arms with a smile "Look I'm sorry I made a mess and haven't been helping you lately. But I promise I will compensate, okay? I promise promise"

The middle aged brunette took a long sigh. Lena gave her an awkward smile, she didn't exactly know why Judy was freaking out of a sudden. She wasn't sure if it was all because of that mess or not.

"I know...Just promise you are going to do it. Not like the other time when you said you were going to mop the floor of the room while I was out and I arrive in here with everyone still full of dust and papers all around it" Judy said, trying to remain calm.

"Oh but that's different! It was when I just had arrived and I ended up cleaning it didn't I?" Lena tried to excuse herself already a little awkward.

"I'm sorry if I'm in a mood. The Military Ball and the next expedition is making me more stressed than ever" Judy sighed, running her hands through her brown hair and sat on her bed "All of the kids are distracted, when one of them comes to an appointment I have to ask them twice what pain they are feeling. I don't know what's going on with this younger generation"

"Judy, don't you see that they're excited to go the ball?" Lena smiled sweetly and sat next to middle age woman "It only happens once in a lifetime, it's normal for them to have their heads on the clouds. Even if it is only to distract themselves for all of this pain...

Judy put her hand on her forehead in disbelief. Lena found it funny how that woman could be the most comprehensive woman on the Walls but when she was with no patience it seemed like she was going to explode. And probably just sighing and putting her hand on her forehead the way she always did.

"Well that's what I can't understand. Just the complication of finding a dress, hairstyle, shoes oh my God...It increases even more someone's stress" Judy said, looking back at the freckled cheeks, just making her chuckles

"Don't tell me you aren't a woman of parties as well" Lena gave her a playful smile.

"I like casual parties like birthday parties, sometimes a wedding or two, it's fine. I can arrange me but it's not anything complicated. But parties like this? Dear God...I admire who has the patience to go" Judy complained while she put her brown hair into a low ponytail "Well I think I'm off to my office. I almost have no time to do anything, I had lunch in 10 minutes now I'm going to have to mark physiotherapy sessions for some soldiers. I never stop"

"Yes, I am also going to have lunch. I spent all morning sewing" Lena said, getting up from the bed she was sitting "Do you want any help with the appointments? So you don't have all the work to yourself"

"No, thank you. Just cleaning all this mess will be enough" Judy smiled, also getting up from the bed. Then, she put her hand in the gingerhead's freckled cheeks and gave her the same comprehensive smiles of hers "Good luck with dealing with the Captain tonight. I think he has been more grumpy than usual"

"If he's grumpy I'm making him some tea before the appointment so he can calm down" Lena joked, already with her cheeks blushed and an awkward smile.

"I thought you didn't get much along with him" Judy raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"It's... Complicated" Lena answered, with a deep shade of red on her cheeks "Let's just say he's not at all what I thought he was. So he's like... A good surprise..."

Lena lowered her head, with a sweet smile and blush on her cheeks.

Levi really was a surprise, even if at the same time Lena had always found him intriguing and with some sort of mystery around him that caught her attention. But of course, he had later shown what she had thought it were his true colors. And, after all, she ended falling in love with him...

"Oh God, I know that look on your face" Judy frowned her eyebrows with her brown eyes shining with curiosity "I really hope it's not what I'm thinking"

"Wow look at the time! I'm more hungry than a Titan!" Lena laughed embarrassed with her cheeks completely red "See you later, Judy"

The gingerhead kissed Judy's cheeks in a caring way and went out of the room as fast as she could. The embarrassment was already taking advantage of her.

...

"I'm telling you, I have never seen Judy like this. She has been so stressed lately that if we lighted a lamp next to her it would burn the whole building" The gingerhead commented to Helga, eating her warm potato.

Lena having lunch with the blonde haired woman. Everyone had already lunched and were now doing their business. By that time they were only a few soldiers here and there, more likely injured because they didn't have schedules for the training.

"She is exactly like that. Just by seeing people stressed she gets stressed as well" Helga giggled, taking a bite of her meat "And don't even talk about parties. She gets more stressed than a hurricane"

"Yes I already noticed. I'll try to help her in her appointments if she lets me" Lena responded with her eyes looking towards the ceiling "It's the least I can do for her"

"Lena, you still have your work as well. The next expedition will be very soon, don't forget about it" Helga warned, with her brown eyes always adverting that gave the best advice "Besides Judy is going to be fine. She has dealt with worse than this"

"I hope so, Helga...For God and all the saints of heaven" Lena gave the blonde woman a sad smile and compassionate eyes.

Lena was worried about her colleague. Of course everyone had their bad days, but Judy hadn't been herself lately. She hated seeing her all stressed and not being able to rest. It was a bad idea to put all the work in her, she wondered how on the Walls Rudella had agreed to that.

"I know she is. And what about the dress, is it getting good?" Helga asked sweetly.

"I think so? I mean it's no Cinderella's dress but...I just want Mikasa to like it. I'm going to finish it in two days!" Lena squeaked in excitement.

"I'm sure she is...But maybe you should try to keep things more organized. Judy doesn't need more stresses" Helga giggled, taking another bite of her potato.

The gingerhead was about to add something to Helga's reply with a giggle until she observed some of the veterans walking over to the table with their foods. Hange, Moblit and the imposing Levi.

The freckled cheeks' heart was already starting to beat faster and faster. While Erwin, Hange and Moblit were still wearing their training clothes, the raven haired man was wearing his usual casual grey shirt and beige pants.

Lena sighed, starting blushing form her forehead to her chin... It was morning and she already had to see that man. The freckled cheeks didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing, she only knew that she didn't mind seeing him at all.

"Tulip..? Are you there?" Helga's sweet voice asked as she noticed the gingerhead's day dreaming.

"No I'm not..." Lena sighed, with her blue eyes shining so brightly that they could illuminate an entire building.

As they came closer to the table, Lena was almost panicking inside. But at the same time she felt in clouds as she observed the imposing and strong figure of Levi walking. Touching her red hair, she tried to hide the blush on her cheeks with it, the way she always did.

"No...It can't be...It can't be..." Helga asked with her blue eyes widened and a worried expression.

Then Levi, who was just looking at the ground, lifted his eyes up to meet hers.

They felt the same explosion that happened whenever their gazes met. And Lena found herself one more time drowning on his eyes... Analyzing his always so harsh expression that softened when he looked at her. Also studying her features, which made her feel butterflies and feel the red shade on her cheeks starting to appear.

They were almost finally reaching their table and Lena immediately focused on the potato she was eating.

"Good morning, Lena!!" Hange exclaimed with an enthusiastic smile "Good morning, mrs. Helga"

"Good morning, Hange" both of the nurses replied at the same time.

Levi turned around to face her, and the look that had been cold and piercing had disappeared once he had seen her. But still, those eyes seemed to hypnotize completely her soul, his mysterious aura still remained even after he told her his story, and it drove her insane.

She only hoped her hopes weren't lifting up...

"Good morning, Lena" Moblit said with a smile, only watching her smiling face that shined like the dawn.

"Good morning guys" Lena smiled to the three adults. Then, she turned her head around to Levi with blush on her cheeks and a silly smile "Good morning, Captain..."

Levi was starting to feel those strange things again. Sweat, accelerated heartbeat and something on his stomach.

What was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to act? And why was he thinking all of those things?

"Morning...." Levi murmured to the side, trying to avoid her gaze. Desperately hoping that warm he was feeling on his cheeks wasn't a shade of red growing.

"Are you guys having lunch? If not do you mind if we sit next to you and Helga?" Hange asked with an excited smile.

"It's o-"

"We finished, Commander Hange. But thank you for your invitation" Helga interrupted "Let's go. I want to have a talk with you"

Lena frowned her thick eyebrows, watching Helga become a person that she didn't recognize. Her blue eyes that were always so sweet, turned into a cold grey with no bright. Her shy smile on her already with some wrinkles face, that could illuminate the entire building had disappeared.

"W-Well we'll go to another table. See you around, my dear" Hange replied sweetly.

Helga got up from the table and quickly grabbed the gingerhead by her hand, leaving their boards on the table with still half of a potato on.

"Helga, what's wrong?" Lena asked confused, as they walked outside the cafeteria together.

Lena turned around to see the raven haired's face still observing her features. Her blue eyes became even sadder when she realized she had to leave him. It was an opportunity for her to talk to him and the blonde haired woman didn't let her. What had gotten in her mind?

Levi looked at the freckled cheeks being pushed away from the cafeteria. His cold eyes got more despondent once he saw her leave the room. He hadn't talk to Lena since the day before and it only had been a little bit of time. Actually, he almost didn't talk to her anymore...And he...He kind of missed it.

The gingerhead and the blonde woman went to Helga's office, which was right in front of the cafeteria. The middle aged woman closed the door and then faced her with a look that she had never expected to see in her colleague.

"Just what has gotten in your mind, Helga? You pushed me out of that room faster than a rabbit running a marathon!" Lena exclaimed, completely confused about what was going on.

"You know well what has gotten in my mind" Helga assertively replied.

Lena frowned her eyebrows. That wasn't the Helga she knew. She seemed like a completely different person. Almost like Captain Levi when he was an ice cube.

"If it's because you didn't want to have lunch with the Commander Hange, Moblit and Captain Levi you could've just told me that you were going to leave. Did you see their faces? They almost looked offended by that-" Lena started, still with a shocked look on her face. But was immediately interrupted by the blonde woman.

"It wasn't because of that" Helga said, still with a firm posture and a cold look on her face "I mean it was, but the problem wasn't in that"

"I don't understand anything that you're saying. Just spit it out at once!" Lena asked bluntly, the way she always was.

"I noticed the look on your face when they entered" Helga replied, her voice seemed like it was about to crack "You're in love with one of them aren't you? And I think I already have a guess of which one it is"

Lena opened widely her blue eyes, still with her eyebrows frowned.

Her heart seemed like it was going to explode out of her chest. Helga wasn't supposed to know about that. None of the nurses were supposed to know. Relationships between nurses and scouts weren't forbidden but were very inadvisable. And she knew perfectly how fragile she was when it came to that subject.

She should've been more careful with her transparency. Why did she have to show her emotions like that? Sooner or later eventually they were going to find out about her love for Levi. But the gingerhead didn't think it would be that early.

"F-Frankly, Helga. You're making a scene in your head!" Lena tried to say awkwardly "I am not in love with anyone, you know I am a woman of God-"

"Don't lie! It's not worth it" Helga interrupted again, crossing her arms. Her now cold blue eyes looked like they were going to crack like glass "You think I don't know what that look on your face was? Blushed cheeks, silly smile, sighs...You think didn't notice your eyes sparkling like the moon when they walked in that door?"

"Helga I-!"

"I know what someone in love looks like and you also didn't have much trouble to try to hide it" Helga said, still with her arms crossed and a cold look on her face.

That wasn't the Helga Lena knew, but she understood why. The death of her lover in there affected still ached her heart. Even so, that whole thought of not wanting to be in love went against to everything she defended. And there was no point of lying anymore.

"And what if I am? Huh?? I am a grown up woman I can take care of myself. My life is my concern alone" Lena said confidently.

"After everything I told you...After I said over and over again that you couldn't get attached to the soldiers you do something like this??" Helga asked still in an angry tone, although almost with tears forming on her eyes.

"You're being very unfair, Helga! You know perfectly love is not something I can control! I didn't ask to fall madly for someone like this... " Lena argued, her blue eyes burning with fire with the conviction she was saying "What did you expect me to do? Live in a lie and pretend that my feelings aren't real? To turn them on and off like a switch?"

"I expected you to stop getting close to every soldier you meet! Just being close to those kids was a complete irresponsibility and now this??" Helga ran her fingers through her hair in complete despair "Do you know the pain it feels to not watching the person you love come home? Do you know it feels losing the only person who understood you, who listened to you? The only person who loved you as who you are? Do you understand it, Lena??"

Lena took a deep breath, already with tears falling down her freckled cheeks.

"I don't. But I do understand what it's like losing people I love. And I am also completely frightened by what is happening..." Lena said. Then she lifted her head, even if heavy tears were falling "But life is too short to be lived on fear. I want to love! I want to live this love, I want to feel everything with no regrets!"

"And what about your God? Didn't you come on his will?" Helga asked harshly.

"God's will for me is to love him with everything I can" Lena answered immediately "Frankly don't you remember what it's like to feel yours legs going numb when you see the person you love? The butterflies on your belly, the peace, the warm on your heart? Would you choose to not have felt any of that??"

Helga looked down, and put her hand on her forehead. She wasn't with the same firm position anymore. Slowly, she was melting all of the sorrow and longing that were stuck on her heart since her love had died on that mission. Crying her eyes out with that pain and suffering she was feeling.

"Oh Helga..." Lena said, this time more softly. The gingerhead started coming closer to the blonde woman "Come here..."

The freckled cheeks wrapped her arms around her and embraced her, while the crying never stopped. Letting her pain out, all of the suffering Helga had locked on her heart. That was why she wasn't looking like the woman she knew...The fear was blocking her, it was taking advantage of her and consuming her.

Maybe Lena had been too hard on her. But if it wasn't because of that, Helga would still have all those emotions on her heart.

"Of course I would choose to have felt it...I would do anything to feel it all over again..." Helga cried, burring her head on Lena's neck, touching her soft red hair "But I don't want you to feel the pain I felt...I don't wish that even to the worst person in the Walls...."

"I know...I'm sorry, Helga. For shouting at you..." Lena replied, with her eyes closed, caressing the back of her colleague.

After a minute, they separated from each other and Helga cleaned her red eyes from crying. The blonde woman took a long sigh and put her hand on her forehead again.

"I'm also sorry for all of this...It's your life, tulip. I have nothing to do with it" Helga said, taking a rag from the pocket of her white apron, and blowing her nose to it "In reality I'm just being an hypocrite. I wouldn't have change the moments I had with the love of my life for anything in this world. You have the right to live them too. But I...I just wanted to protect you"

Her blue eyes were back to normal. They were shining again, maybe it was because of the crying, but they weren't cold like they were some moments ago. Lena let a small smile...At least she was back to her sweet yet fragile self. She never wanted to see Helga being an ice cube again.

"You don't need to apologize...I know you were only trying to protect me. But I took it wrong and started shouting at you. I'm sorry, Helga..." Lena touched the blonde woman's shoulder in a caring way "By the way...Can I ask you a question?

"As long as I can answer..." Helga smiled weakly.

"If you're ever ready one day, will you tell me how he was? I love hearing people talking about the person they're in love with" Lena asked with a sweet smile on her freckled face "It doesn't have to be today, next week...Or in 10 years. I just want to hear you talk about the person who made your shy heart flutter"

Helga returned the kind smile to the gingerhead and pulled her for another tight hug. They had so much luck to have supporting and comprehensive colleagues. It was amazing how, even after the blonde woman had been through, still managed to give advice and to comfort her. Her reaction was completely understandable and maybe Lena had been too caught on her emotions as well.

"Of course, tulip..." Helga smiled kindly at the freckled cheeks.

Lena gave her the same compassionate look. Helga was an amazing woman she admired so much. Her strength had no end and her kindness too. They could've had that little disagreement but at least they were able to comprehend each other. They were very different, but they understood each other's hearts like anyone.

...

"That was strange...Mrs. Helga didn't seem very happy" Hange said with her eyebrows frowned in confusion "Did you see the look on her eyes?"

While that scene was happening, Levi, Hange and Moblit were having lunch together. The veteran reunion had ended in a while. While Erwin and the others were still discussing some details, the raven haired man and the two brunettes were dismissed to go eat something.

"Yes and Mrs. Helga is usually very sweet, especially when she's with Lena" Moblit commented. Then he blushed and let a sweet "But after all...Who can't be happy when Lena is around?"

"Tch and just how do you know that?" Levi asked harshly, lifting his cold gaze to the brown haired man.

It wasn't any new for him that Moblit was interested in the gingerhead. He could see it from distance, whenever she passed he couldn't take his eyes off her. And of course Lena also talked to him like she talked with everyone else. She had a deep care for him.

But why the hell was that bothering him?

"W-Well for my own experience, Captain. We also used to work during the experiences remember?" Moblit said, already getting intimidated by Levi's gaze.

"Yes I recall...I just didn't know you were such good friends" Levi replied, his voice harsher and colder than ever.

What the fuck am I talking about?, Levi thought.

What was he thinking? It was their lives, he had nothing to do with it. It was normal for him to not wanting those brats to get close to her but Moblit was a fine soldier, at least from what he knew of him. At least he didn't even know if he had those intentions. But still...It didn't feel right at all seeing those two together.

"Well... We have been helping each other in experiences. We kind of got to know each other a little" Moblit answered, confused about all of that strange tension in the air.

"Yes that's only it. So you have nothing to worry about, Levi" The brunette said, winking to the raven haired man.

Levi could already feel the warm on his cheeks and the sweat falling from his forehead.

"What do you mean?" Moblit asked, confused. But at the same time with a suspect of what was happening.

Levi was going to murder Hange. Then he was going to murder Erwin who was the one who told her about him letting Lena on his life emotionally. And of course the brunette had started teasing him day and night.

And of course Levi had nothing to worry about. He had absolutely no business in the soldiers' lives. If they wanted to be friends they should be friends. What had the raven haired man to do with i? He was being a nosy bastard and that wasn't his character at all.

What the hell was going on with him lately?

"Fucking anything. You already know shitty classes doesn't have all the marbles" Levi said lowering his head, although facing the brunette with a deadly look "I'm finished, I'm going now"

Levi got up from the chair cursing himself and Hange.

He still needed to figure out what was going inside his messed up head. And he was going to figure it out. He was going to figure out why the hell did he care about what Moblit had with Lena. Even if nothing was happening between the two he wanted to figure out why that was bothering him so much. It just didn't make any sense.

"Shit..." Levi glared to himself as he walked outside the room.

While that happened, Hange and Moblit observed the raven haired's strange reaction.

"Mrs. Helga is not the only one who was strange. What the hell is going on with Captain Levi?" Moblit asked with his eyebrows frowned in confusion "And what was that conversation that he had nothing to worry about because me and Lena were just friends?"

"Well...Let's just say our dear Lena is melting Levi's ice..." Hange laughed, as she remembered the raven haired's reaction to her joke. It wasn't even anything serious and Levi had took it too literally.

Then, the points came together for Moblit.

No... It couldn't be...

Levi was also in love with her? Could it be him that Lena was talking about? But they were so different, he didn't even recall them being close. They were like polar opposites. He had a hard time even imagining him being friends.

"You mean that... Captain Levi is..." The words were hardly coming out of his mouth. All of that just seemed surreal.

"Shh!! You don't tell anyone okay, Moblit??" The brunette covered his mouth with her hand.

Moblit felt like he was being stabbed on his chest.

Levi in love? It was an unthinkable thing. Especially with Lena? It looked like some silly joke.

He couldn't deny that he was feeling jealously. Just imagining those two together made his stomach ache. The most deep and selfish part of him couldn't deny that he wished Lena didn't love him back...But he was sure it was Levi she was talking about. It made perfect sense, even if at the same time it didn't.

"You're talking about like it's some kind of secret mission" Moblit mumbled, taking the crazy scientist's hand off his face.

"I'm so sorry, Moblit. I know you also liked Lena" Hange said with a sad expression "But that's why I'm telling you this, so you don't get more hurt.

Moblit lowered his head in sorrow.

"It's their life. If they feel the same way for each other I should just feel happy for both of them..." Moblit said with a sad smile on his face "Though I'm still not sure how those two happened. They are completely different!"

"I know right? But I guess it's the cliche story of opposites attracting" Hange replied, her sweet brown eyes shining.

Yes, it was the old cliche story of opposites attracting. Of course they were more similar than they thought. They both cared so much for everyone, even if they had different ways to show it. They both had dealt with losses all through their lives. They both needed comfort and to know someone would be there for them.

They needed each other, even if they didn't know how to.

...

Lena and Helga had just got out of the blonde haired's office. The gingerhead face the middle aged woman with a smile on her freckled face.

"See you around, Helga. If you ever need help with something let me alright?" Lena said kindly to her old colleague.

"Of course I will..." Helga replied.

Then, the middle aged woman pushed gingerhead again for a kind and comforting hug. Lena closed her blue eyes and caressed her wavy blonde hair that lengted until her shoulders, already with some grey nuances. She just wanted her pain to go away. Helga didn't deserve to suffer like that. She was one of the best people she had ever met...

They separated from each other and the gingerhead put her hand on her colleague's cheek.

"Stiffen up, woman!" Lena laughed and took her hand from her cheek to tap friendly her shoulder. Helga's hair was disheveled, her eyes were red from the crying and so was her nose "Imagine if Mrs. Rudella comes walking in the corridor and finds me with you in that state. She is already going to think that I made some crazy thing again"

"Which you did, But don't worry, tulip. I only have to brush my hair and wash my face" Helga giggled sweetly "And you should go too. It's like you say, imagine if Mrs. Rudella comes in with me looking like this"

"Goodbye, dear Helga. See you around" Lena gave her a big smile and caressed her hands before she left the door.

Then, the gingerhead was back in the main corridor.

That conversation with Helga left her more afraid and with more doubts of her love for the Captain. Not if she loved him, but if that was really the right thing. If living that love was the right thing. It would hurt her and it would hurt him if something happened. And they lived on that cruel and nasty world. Lena kind of understood Levi and Helga's point now...

Was she selfish for not abdicating her heart to protect him? Was she selfish for wanting to love him freely with no regrets?

No she couldn't have been. Love was always right and Lena would always fight for it. She just wondered if Levi thought the same...Even though he hadn't even asked her for the Military Ball. It made her wonder if he didn't feel the same for her...

Levi made her feel like no one had made...He made her feel safe and peaceful. She needed to hear his voice, feel his arms around her...She wanted to see him smile even it was just a little bit. 

Those beautiful moments yet to come couldn't be wasted because of fear.

Chapter Text

While the freckled cheeks was walking through the corridors, right after her discussion with Helga and completely lost in her thoughts, she didn't notice a figure in front of her. Both crashed in each other and Lena already started complaining with that situation.

"Oops I'm sorry. Are you okay?" The owner of the voice said.

Lena opened her eyes moaning in pain and saw a figure of a young soldier. He was probably around his 20 years old, definitely not older than that with a short brown hair, hazel eyes and a more tanned skin than the others. Not very tall, but he was kind of cute, Lena had to say.

"N-No. I-I mean yes of course I am. I'm sorry to bump into you I was in the clouds" Lena gave him an awkward smile, immediately turning her back on him to start walking again

"No, wait" He said immediately before the gingerhead had the chance to disappear with the distance. Lena turned around to face him, with her eyebrows frowned in confusion "I know you. You are that nurse who came a few months ago right? Lena?"

Lena came closer only a few steps. She never recalled making an appointment to him, but she remembered him from walking around the headquarters.

"I am, how do you know? Don't tell me you are a soldier that can read minds" Lena opened widely her blue eyes and put on a suspicious expression.

"No, I can't read minds. At least not yet" The man laughed, making the gingerhead smile as well "But I'm very attentive and...My eyes wouldn't slip out someone like you"

Lena frowned her eyebrows in confusion. She was already feeling uncomfortable with that situation. His eyes looking at her up and down and his smile that didn't seem very genuine. Was it all in her head or was he in an attempt to start something with her?

"Ah, you're funny. But I really have to go because I have many things to do!" Lena tried to escape him. But before she could do anything, he had taken her hand.

"Hey what's the hurry?" The male had said with a smirk. His eyes looked they were devouring her with his mind "We have just bumped to each other. What if it's destiny pulling its tricks?"

Lena frowned her eyebrows and let go violently his hand, already not enjoying all of that talk.

"Hold your horses and let's settle some walls. You won't gain anything by putting one of Romeo" Lena responded direct as always with a fiery look on her eyes. He said nothing, instead he continued eyeing her up and down "And stop looking at me like a wolf looking at a sheep will you??

"Geez...I'm sorry. I was only telling what my heart says" The brown haired man said with a smooth yet mellifluous voice. He did sounded like a Romeo wanna be.

"Your heart or something down there? Sometimes men confuse the two of them" Lena crossed her arms with her eyebrows frowned.

"Wow! I didn't imagine you to have such a sharpened tongue" He laughed, then his eyes stopped at her chest that completely covered with the fabric of her brown dress "But I'm not gonna lie...I didn't hate it"

Levi was walking through the corridors to his office, still thinking about what had happened.

His mind was even more of a mess but he needed to pull himself together. The raven haired man had no idea what was going on with him, but he had to put it in the back of his mind. Slowly he was starting to lose his real goal: to free humanity and the next expedition.

That was his reason to live, that was what he should think about. Not Lena and Moblit just like no one else. The next expedition was going to be in a week and he needed to be more focused than ever. Especially now that he had a bad leg.

When he was walking front in the direction when he heard a voice that sounded familiar. Levi frowned his eyebrows.

"And here I thought you were an approachable person. I heard everybody talking about how sweet you were after all..."

Levi stood with his back against the wall and peeked his head to see what was happening.

His greyish blue eyes widened when he saw the gingerhead talking to Baltasar, a soldier of one of the newest squads. That feeling of repulse went back on his stomach again. What were they doing in that corridor?

"I am an approachable and sweet person when I'm treated with respect. Not when someone tries to approach me with the delicateness of a Titan jumping to a lake!" Lena replied back, still with her eyebrows frowned and her arms crossed.

"But when did I ever disrespect you? All I did was say that you were beautiful..." Baltasar continued, still eyeing her up and down.

The raven haired's nerves were boiling once again. He only wanted to smash that perverted brat into the wall. It was like he always suspected, those brats only wanted to take advantage of Lena's innocence. But he couldn't act on the moment, even if the only thing he felt like doing was kick on his face. He only had to wait some more seconds.

That fucking brat didn't know with who he was dealing with...

"I know well where those eyes have been wandering" Lena looked at him with such a look of disgust that the raven haired had never seen in her "Don't you have shame?? You think a woman is only an object, only a piece of meat??"

"What an idea of course not! I just wanted to get your attention so you could be interested in me, that was all" Baltasar continued and lowered his head.

"Oh I did get interested. I'm interested in going away because this whole conversation is making me sick!" Lena bluntly replied, touching her brown dress and turning her back on the man.

Levi sighed in relief...Lena was being able to stand up for herself. In her strange way...And he couldn't deny, he enjoyed seeing that feisty side of her. At least she wasn't as naive as he thought.

Tch that guy was making him sick too. If he tried to approach her again he would take action to give him a proper lesson.

"Wait don't go yet, please" Baltasar asked again, reaching her hand towards "I admit...I wanted to ask you something important, ok? That's why I insisted in continuing talking to you"

"Are you deaf? Didn't you hear that I'm not interested? Or do you want me to make you a drawing??" Lena replied, already with her nerves boiling and her face red from anger. Rolling her eyes, she switched side to him, being in the direction of the rest of the corridor "What is the important question? And you better not ask some perverted thing because I am a nurse of respect!"

Levi came out of behind the wall and showed himself completely. Resting his back on the one that was beside him, he waited for the brat to look at him. If Lena continued giving him talk that would have no end. She gave people second chances too much. So it was his moment to act. Besides, he already knew what was the question he was going to ask.

And he wouldn't ever let it happen.

"It's not I swear with my whole life" Baltasar started, looking at the gingerhead's big blue eyes. She was starting to feel shivers on her spine "I wanted to ask you if you wanted to go-"

Then, he stopped immediately with his mouth and eyes wide opened in fright.

The raven haired man was facing him with the eyes. The eyes. A gaze that transmitted everything a person could fear. Like the Medusa, it only needed one look at that and anyone could turn into stone. Coldness, anger, disgust, annoyance all in one.

He had already looked at other brats who had tried to ask Lena for the ball like that. But with Baltasar, the eyes had been ten times more powerful.

"Yes...? You wanted to ask me something important? Don't tell me that now you have amnesia" Lena rolled her eyes. Baltasar continued petrified like a statue "Now he freezes?? Oh Jesus Christ, come one spit it out! I don't have all day I have more important things to do!"

Levi continued facing him from the wall, not stopping for a second. Making that brat know everything that he wanted to do with them if he didn't step away.

"Ah, I-I-It was nothing. I-I-I have to go" Baltasar simply said, almost in a whisper.

Then, he turned his back on her and started running to the gingerhead's opposite direction. Leaving Lena with her mouth opened and her arms on her hips, completely lost about what had happened.

"He freaked out! I mean first he says all of those pick up lines and then he runs away with the tail between his legs? And for his tone he really wanted to ask me something important...What if he saw something...Supernatural?" Lena commented to herself, with her eyes widened thinking about the possibility of that man seeing some kind of supernatural thing. Still confused about what had happened, she slowly composed herself and rolled her eyes "Ah and why am I complaining?? Thank God and all the saints that shameless man went away!"

Levi went to the corridor behind and took almost let a smirk, maybe because of the relief he was feeling. He couldn't stand those spoiled little brats. Especially when they tried to take advantage of someone. But at least Lena was capable of defending herself.

The raven haired wondered how did he ever thought she wasn't able to. After all she had tried to punch him in one of the first moments they met. She was the one who was always shouting at him and calling him names whenever she didn't agree on something. Tch. A big mouth. He remembered so well thinking she was absolutely crazy, which he still thought. Lena was by far the craziest person he had met besides Hange. Just her insistence to be with him even after everything he had told him about showed her craziness.

The raven haired man started walking to the rest of the corridor in order to return to his office.

But then...

"Ow, again?? Don't people in this place know-"

Levi opened widely his eyes. He had also bumped to the ginger haired woman...They were now standing in front each other face to face. Her blue eyes were wide opened too and her cheeks were already gaining that deep shade of red.

BOOM BOOM!

BOOM BOOM!

There was that stupid heartbeat that made him make the worst kind of decisions. There were those annoying squeezes on his stomach that made him feel like he was going to throw up at any moment. There were her eyes analyzing his features and looking deeply into his eyes...

"C-Captain Levi...? W-What are you doing here?" Lena asked, still with her eyes widened, looking at him from his forehead to his chin.

"Tch I-I'm going to my office, big mouth. It's this way, remember?" Levi tried to answer without breaking into stutters and explosions of his chest.

"R-Right!" Lena slapped her forehead, taking a few steps away from the raven haired man. The gingerhead took a long sigh and faced the Captain again "God I'm sorry, it's like I don't know where I'm going"

Levi also took that moment to take a deep breath and trying to calm himself down. There was no reason why she had to take all of the rationality he had left. Why did she always make him like that?

"I've noticed. You better watch your way next time" Levi replied, pretending to have an harsh tone. But of course it wasn't convincing, the gingerhead knew perfectly his cold as ice tone.

"A-ah well if you had watched yours you could warn me before I bump into you and you didn't." Lena gave him the usual playful smiles she always wore next to him. The smiles and shiny eyes only he could see.

"W-Well...It must be because I'm spending more time with your annoying ass. Your clumsiness must be contagious" Levi crossed his arms, still not knowing how to properly react when she started getting playful.

"Once a Captain Ice Cube, always a Captain Ice Cube. Impressive" Lena giggled with a giant smile on her face that could light up an entire room if she wanted to.

Levi observed her features with his eyes completely zooming off from the reality he was in...

Her eyes were eyeing his face up and down... Since his hair, to his forehead, to his nose, his cheeks, his lips and his chin. Her gaze was hypnotizing his brain and was taking him to another place. Another place, where there was only him and her...

What was that? Why did that always happen?

"Hello? Captain are you in there??" Lena then complained with a small smile, waving to him so he could get back to Earth "Oh not another person who freezes while talking to me..."

Levi went back to reality he was in. Lena was still observing his features, but with a smile. Probably wondering where he was.

"I-I'm sorry, big mouth I..." Levi tried to say but the words wouldn't come out from his mouth.

"What's wrong? Why are you looking at me with hurt bunny eyes?" Lena asked with a worried expression.

"Lena I want to ask you something" Levi said without thinking.

Lena's heart started beating faster and faster whenever he looked at her with his piercing eyes that seems to stab her soul with fire.

But there was something in them...They weren't so cold, they were radiating some kind of warm. He wasn't with his guard up like the usual. It made her look even more handsome and not at all an ice cube...She wished she could see him like that more often.

"D-Don't scare me... The last time someone said he wanted asked me something he left in the middle of it like he had seen a ghost. Which I don't know if he did..." Lena replied, looking at the side while she remembered that strange conversation of before "What? Did I do something wrong?"

"N-No, big mouth. You didn't do anything" Levi shook his head, trying to find the right words to go straight to the subject he wanted to talk about.

"Oh...Then what do you want to ask?" Lena, lifting her head again for her eyes to meet his.

Levi observed her eyes that shined with curiosity and tiny lips forming a shy smile...Had Lena always be that beautiful? He had always thought she was pretty, but had she always been so beautiful that he couldn't look at anyone else but her?

How I am I supposed to ask that without sounding a fucking creep? Levi thought, as he stood closer to the freckled cheeks.

"I-... Are you going to the Military Ball?" Levi finally gained the courage to ask her.

His heart seemed like it was going to explode out from his chest. Why was he asking her that? What in the Walls he was doing? It was like he couldn't think, his rationality on that moment had gone away. All of his mind was becoming weaker and weaker by each second.

The freckled cheeks' heart filled with hope and joy...Could that be really happening on that moment? Was Levi going to ask her at last? Lena just wanted to pinch herself to see if that wasn't a dream. Whatever doubts she had if Levi felt the same, they were all slowly being replaced with hope.

"I don't know...I-I mean- if I could I would go but nobody invited me. So..." Lena lowered cheerlessly her head, focusing on her brown summer dress.

"Not even those brats?" Levi asked with a husky voice that made the gingerhead's belly filled with butterflies. He was asking if her friends had invited her, even if it was just for her to go.

"No, not even them" Lena giggled quietly, Then, she lifted it her head up for her gaze to meet Levi's "B-But why do you ask?"

The raven haired man was struggling to even find a response to her question himself.

Why did he ask? Why did he want to know? It wasn't like it wasn't anything of his business. Why was he being one of the worst characteristics he knew that was being nosy? Why did he care that she got along with Moblit? Why did he care if she went to the ball? Why was she the first thing he thought when he woke up and the last thing he thought before falling asleep, even it was for only 3 hours? 

Why's and more why's popped up in his mind each and every second. Ever since he had met her...

Levi stared deeply into her eyes, almost absorbing every sanity she had left...Taking her completely by impulse and advantaging her most polluted thoughts from the back of her mind...She just wanted to kiss his lips and his face, to hug him tightly and not letting him go anymore...

"I don't know..." Levi finally answered.

"What?" Lena frowned her eyebrows in confusion.

"I mean...It's nothing. Just forget about it" Levi shook his head one more time. He took a few steps away from her so he could take deeper breaths "I was just curious. That's it. And... Also because I wanted you to clean parts of the hall, since every soldier is going to be at the ball"

Lena's smile slowly faded away.

A part of her asked if he was being honest, but the other part couldn't stop thinking about why he was doing that to hide his true feelings. Levi still couldn't adjust to that idea of opening up his emotions. If he did had feelings for her, he probably was feeling more scared than she could imagine...

But it still managed to hurt her...

"R-Right...Of course..." Lena said quietly, lowering her head "I'm going to do it. After all I'm probably not even going to the ball..."

Levi was still staring at her. Why did she look sad? He didn't know what do or what to say...He had answered the first excuses he could think about. He would eventually get used to them and starting to believe that that was the true reason. After all? What could be the other reason?

"Good. That's good, I appreciate your help" Levi touched her shoulder, still a bit awkward.

Lena gave half of a sad smile, taking her eyes off his and sighing to the ground.

"You don't need to thank me, sir...It's my job and my pleasure to help the Scout Regiment wherever I can..." Lena replied, still with her melancholic grin. Then her gaze met Levi's "I-I have to go to work...And don't forget that tonight I'm going to treat your leg"

"Tch who exactly do you think I am? I'm not forgetting shit" Levi tried to sound playful but ending up just sounding a bit rude and awkward.

"I know you're not, Captain...It was just to confirm..." Lena responded sorrowful, although still with a smile. The gingerhead caressed his arm in a friendly manner and gave another sad grin "See you later..."

The gingerhead started walking to the opposite direction, leaving Levi by himself on that endless and solitary corridor. He didn't understand why Lena had suddenly changed her mood. Could it be because that wasn't the answer she thought she was going to have?

Levi only knew that it broke him seeing her like that...He wondered what was the answer she would have liked to hear from him.

The freckled cheeks walked towards her room, Levi never leaving her mind a second.

Lena didn't know if Levi hadn't been honest because he was confused or because he was afraid. Maybe it was both. Fear is love's worst enemy. And it can make him think that what he feels for her is anything other than his true feelings. It was blocking them and confusing them.

Lena knew she couldn't just force them out of him, but she couldn't help but being impatient and frustrated. All she wanted was to live happy with him...But for that, she was going to have to wait. Even if that wait was painful...

"Please stop letting fear rule you, sir..." Lena whispered to herself, closing her eyes...

...

The old and grumpy Rudella was at her office, filling paperwork and paperwork. The next expedition would be very soon, right after the ball. She had been in the Scout Regiment for more than 50 years and she had never recalled the Scouts' advancement so much. Since they had found that Titan boy...

Her grey thin eyebrows formed a frown as she thought about it. She had attended him on the first day he had arrived. That boy was really something else. But she couldn't deny after years and years of working on that place, after years and years of watching soldiers' come and go, she had a hope in her heart. 

Rudella trusted Erwin with her whole life and she was sure the Scout Regiment had never had a Commander like him.

"MRS. RUDELLA!! MRS. RUDELLA!!" A voice emerged from the direction of the door.

Of course it had to be the loud gingerhead woman, busting inside the door with an excited look on her face.

"Speak quietly, woman! I'm old but I still hear well!" Rudella lifted her hand in frustration, still with the same demanding tone of voice.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Rudella! I have here all of the reports, organized by soldier and level of injure. I even put on clips so it can be more organized!" Lena came closer to the old woman and gave her all of the paperwork she still hadn't handed. And, with the same enthusiastic tone, pointing towards all of the divisions she was talking about.

"It's about time. Since it was your first time handing it after the deadline I'll let it slide" Rudella gave her a small smile. Which coming from her was already a lot "You are a hard working woman, I have to tell you that"

Lena grinned excitedly with her old colleague's compliment. When Rudella wanted she could be sweet in her own way.

"Thank you, sir!! At your orders!!" Lena saluted, trying to cover her excited expression with a serious one. Obviously failing completely.

"It's m'am!!" Rudella complained, of course it wasn't a genuine angry tone "And don't think that just because I let it slide this one you can do it again! You must never hand your reports after the deadline you hear me, woman?"

"Correct and affirmative got it! See you tomorrow, Commander Rudella!" Lena smiled excitedly and waved goodbye at her older colleague.

The gingerhead opened the door of Rudella's office in order to go have dinner. She was starving and really needed to eat a good piece of meat. To gain strength to her next appointment as well. The freckled cheeks had to be strong enough to not completely melt in the Captain's arms while she was treating his leg...

Just thinking about him made her weak...

Lena loved his serious and intimidating persona who made her feel butterflies. But there was just something about seeing Levi vulnerable. Him showing his true feelings and opening up to her. Seeing his inside completely and to know who he really was. No words could explain how much she wanted to see more of that side of him...

"I'm telling you, I tried to ask her for the ball and there he was looking at me with the eyes of a murder!" A familiar voice had said from one of the corridors.

Lena frowned her eyebrows at that familiar voice, but continued walking minding her own business. However she had stopped in the cross of corridors when she noticed, not only the man who had talked to some moments before, but also the other two boys who had came to talk to her as well.

The gingerhead hided behind the wall so they wouldn't see her passing by, so she couldn't help but to listen to their conversation.

"No way! It happened to me too! I can't believe it has happen to you two as well!" The other boy, who was a bit taller than the others replied.

"Seriously I really thought I was dead. But what did he do to you exactly?" The other boy asked.

Lena raised one of her eyebrows. She hated to poke her nose where it didn't belong and hearing the conversations of other people, but there was something intriguing about that whole talk.

"I was almost asking her for the ball then he just appeared in front of me looking at me with deadly eyes. What did you want me to do he's Humanity's Strongest!" the man who had approached some moments ago replied.

Lena became even more confuse. They were talking about Levi...But that conversation was so confusing. What were they talking about? Levi and ball in the same sentence? Something was really off...

"He did the same to us. Damn remind not to mess with the nun, again. Unless you want the Captain to glare at you from the other side of the room" The taller boy commented with chuckles "And especially remind to forget about taking her to the ball"

Lena frowned her eyebrows and opened her mouth in shock.

The reason why the soldiers who had tried to ask to the ball ran away scared right before they could do it was because Levi was glaring at them from across the room. The gingerhead wouldn't believe it if she hadn't listened to it with her own ears.

Suddenly everything made the perfect sense. Every time that they had came to talk to her to ask her something they ran away like they had seen a ghost. After all it wasn't a ghost, it was Levi.

"That Captain Ice Cube...." Lena whispered to herself, still in shock about what she had just heard "He's going to hear it from me oh yes he is...!"

Lena got away from the wall and started walking immediately as assertively towards the cafeteria so she could get dinner with her friends as fast as possible. That Captain wasn't going to leave the appointment without giving her an explanation. 

...

After the dinner was over, Lena was back on her office, finally at the time of the appointment. With her both hands supporting her chin, the gingerhead was still thinking about the conversation she had heard.

At first Lena thought that Levi didn't want them to ask her because he didn't want her to go the ball. But in a matter of seconds she shook that thought away from her mind. Levi wouldn't ever hurt her and just thinking about that made her feel guilty...

The raven haired man probably didn't want her to go to the ball... With them. That immediately lightened a new hope on her soul. But at the same time, she couldn't deny she was mad. He was basically getting into her business and getting involved in her life. And she hated that.

Lena didn't know it for sure. And she was going to confront that ice cube right on during the appointment. Or maybe after since she needed to be concentrated on his leg. Just thinking about how she was going to have to touch his leg to do physiotherapy she already was feeling warm inside the room.

"Stop thinking these things, Lena. You are not a shameless woman to think that way about you patient. Well but it's also not your fault he's the handsomest man you ever met...And he has those muscles and his jawline and his arms..." Lena was already diving to another world but soon composed herself "...Now come one, stop it! Besides you still have to ask him about that whole talk of scaring those kids away..."

But Lena couldn't deny she was going to need strength to keep those thoughts away from her. Levi could bring the most lusty and polluted thoughts from the depths of inside her mind. After all, she was still a woman.

KNOCK!
KNOCK!
KNOCK!

Lena immediately shook with the knock of the door and felt her freckled cheeks go red.

"Bane and nisness. I MEAN name and business??" Lena started already mixing up words with the nerves. She slapped her forehead in embarrassment and took a deep breath.

"It's Levi, big mouth. May I enter or not?" The deep and sarcastic voice or Levi replied.

Lena sighed, blessing herself to what was what was ahead of her. It was going to be a long appointment...

"R-Right you may enter, Captain..." Lena spoke more quietly than usual but loud enough so Levi could hear.

The raven haired man entered the room and the gingerhead was already asking God to keep that lust away. He looked at her from her red curls until her brown sabrinas. But his gaze eyeing her like that didn't feel uncomfortable the way it felt with the other guy. It seemed to turn her into stone, but a million butterflies seemed to be flying inside her belly...

"Now that's unusual..." Levi commented, noticing the gingerhead's strange posture "The big mouth being quiet for more than 4 seconds?"

"First you complain about me talking too much, now you complain about me being quiet! What do you want me to do, huh?" Lena crossed her arms, raising one of her thick eyebrows to make that strange question to the Captain.

There were moments when Levi felt like smiling. Of course he didn't smile, the closest he could do was to give a less piercing expression, maybe almost half of a smirk. And that moment was one of them. That ginger haired woman could lighten his mood for the day completely with her craziness and babbling.

And soon it was the warm feeling on his cheeks...

"I-I want you to heal this shitty leg, that's what I want" Levi, coughed with his fist in front of his head so he could hide the red shade of red that was forming.

Lena couldn't help but to smile sweetly at Levi's embarrassed self. Though she was still suspicious at what he had done, after treating his leg she was going to finally confront him about it. 

"The leg is going to heal with the time. I can help it to recover but we aren't saints to do miracles" Lena got up from the chair, already with what she needed to make the physiotherapy session "Now, y-you have to l-lie in that bed, Captain Ice Cube..."

Levi raised an eyebrow. It was still unusual Lena being the one who gave orders, but he needed to handle it if he wanted to go to that mission in Stohess, in Wall Sina. He needed to be fine until then, and he knew the gingerhead wouldn't grant his participation. Still, the raven haired man trusted her to at least try to make him recover faster.

With a sigh, Levi walked over to one of the beds that the office had and lied on it with a tired expression. Despite feeling those little knifes stabbing on his chest until his belly, just by thinking that the gingerhead was going to have to touch him and being on top of him. That was going to be a long appointment...

"Alright!" Lena picked up the chair that was in front of her big desk and took it next to the bed where Levi was lying down. Then, with an elastic, she tied her hair so she didn't have red curls all over her face. The con, however, was that Levi was going to see her blushed cheeks "F-First we're going to start with some exercises? Have you ever had physiotherapy on your leg before?"

"No, I don't usually get hurt during missions" Levi tried to look away so he didn't see the gingerhead so close. Especially now that her hair was tied up.

"Wow, I swear you are luckier than a leprechaun" Lena chuckled "Alright, you can remain in there. I'm just going to lift your leg until your chest. Also you never did physiotherapy so I should warn you that...It's a little bit painful"

"Tch nothing that I can't handle I bet" Levi replied, still looking away. 

Lena took a long sigh, feeling already her cheeks going red. Here it came the hardest part...

"I-It's better if you like...Push the fabric of the side of the pants that is covering the hurt leg. I don't even don't know i-if that makes any sense b-but-" Lena started with her eyes close, trying to keep herself calm at that vision

"Got it"

Lena opened her big blue eyes and saw that Levi had already one of the pants pushed so she could see the bare leg, always being the obedient person he was. He continued lying on the patient bed, looking at a point of the wall. 

Don't think about that stuff, Lena...Just be concentrated, you dumb chicken. Just why does he have to be so handsome??, Lena whined to herself, already feeling that place hotter and hotter

"A-Alright then, let's f-finish this before it finishes with...With us" The gingerhead put her hand on her forehead with a sigh "I'm going to bring your leg to your chest. Do you understand, Captain?"

"Yes" Levi simply answered, still not having the courage to face the gingerhead on top of him "Just get over with it, big mouth"

Lena took another sigh, cursing and whining to herself over and over again. Her whole face was probably red as a tomato and if it continued like that she was going to have to put some water on her so she could fresh down.

The gingerhead gained courage to stand up and touched his ankle with her right hand, not daring herself to open her eyes to see him laying down on the bed like that. Carefully, she placed her left hand on his calf, feeling already his muscly thighs. 

Please...Continue at looking at the wall because if you start looking at me with those eyes I can't take it...,  The ginger haired woman thought to herself in an attempt to calm herself down.

Lena felt like she was about to die of embarrassment...

Levi also felt like he was about to die of embarrassment...

The raven haired man simply looked at the other side of the room. His heart beat like crazy just for being in that situation, but now that the freckled cheeks was finally touching his leg, it felt like it was going to explode out from his chest. Slowly, he was being able to calm himself down...But still, it was harder than any other appointment he had ever been in.

Lena started lifting carefully his leg to his chest. Very carefully so it didn't hurt just in the beginning.

Levi let a quiet grunt. The freckled cheeks was right, that was damn painful. But nothing that he couldn't take.

"D-Does it hurt much, sir?" Lena asked, since she had probably heard that pained sound.

"N-No, don't worry" Levi replied.

It was bothering more Lena touching his bare leg than the pain felt by that whole physiotherapy thing. Just like the first she had made an appointment to him and had to see if he had a nodule on his back, her fingers seemed like they were made of glass. And nothing had changed since then...Her hands were cold, but were so delicate that lifted his leg, while at the same time with strength, carefully like she was afraid she could break it.

They stood like that in silence for some more minutes. Only with the gingerhead lifting his leg up and down. With the time passing by, the pain was going away. The atmosphere was not so tense anymore. Even Lena was more calm and less nervous with all of that.

Levi had finally the courage to look at her, but he immediately regretted the moment he set his eyes on her...

The curls of her bangs were falling in her forehead, her blue eyes were reflecting himself. It felt like he was being stabbed with a sword of fire. It was taking all of his thoughts, hypnotizing his soul...She still had her sad eyes, that despite that, shined an entire building if they could.

"Okay, I've finished all of the exercises. You can stand up" Lena said, still not looking at him.

The gingerhead was about to stand up from the chair when she noticed the raven haired man staring at her, while he continued lying on the bed.

Those were the eyes she was talking about...The eyes of a broken man who needed comfort...Who needed love. Lena felt completely drowned by those blue eyes from where she could almost see every inch of his soul...

Levi got his back from the bed slowly and sat himself, with his legs falling of where he had sat. Still, never taking his eyes of her. With such an intense, yet docile gaze, that touched completely her heart.

The gingerhead was already breathing heavily with all of that tension. They were starting to get their heads closer to each other again...

And just like the last time, Levi coughed and stood farther away from the freckled cheeks.

"I-is the appointment finished or not?" Levi looked down in embarrassment.

"Y-Yes. Y-Yes, of course it is..." Lena lowered her head so she couldn't be hypnotized by his beautiful eyes. She quickly sat on the chair again, waving her hands to herself so she could cool down. 

What was he thinking? Damn...There was that strange tension again. That need to touch her...Levi needed to have more control of his actions. Lena wasn't a woman of those things. Of course a part of him believed that she wanted the same, even if she wanted she would reject it because she was 'a woman of God'.

And it didn't really matter because there was just physical attraction and a strong connection, right? He didn't want to ruin whatever he had with Lena just because of his own desire.

"So..." Lena started with a giant sigh, looking at the ground "From now on sir, you are going to do this exercises by yourself when you have time. Then, once a week you're going to come back here. Do you understand or do you want me to make you a drawing?"

"Tch I'm not dumb, big mouth. I understood" Levi rolled his grey eyes at her tease.

"Before you leave...Can I ask you a question?" Lena raised of her eyebrows and crossed her arms. She was still sitting in her chair and Levi was still sitting on the bed.

"Damn it...Nothing good comes when you want to ask me a question" The raven haired man said, tiredly looking at the side.

"Oh sir, you can bet it won't" Lena stared confidently already with her fiery attitude. 

Levi looked at the side again. He wasn't already enjoying the tone of the conversation.

"Then spit it out..."

The gingerhead closed her eyes and took a deep breath so she could calm down before confronting him.

"Why don't you want me to go to the ball?" Lena asked bluntly, already feeling the blush growing on her cheeks.

The raven haired man opened widely his eyes with her question. 

"Who said I don't want you to go? It's your damn life I have nothing to do with it" Levi replied harshly, even that wasn't completely true.

"You don't lie to me, Captain because I know perfectly you've been meddling in my life" Lena looked deeply into his eyes with a the same fiery look "You really are a Captain Ice Cube..."

Levi's heartbeat increased even more. Did the freckled cheeks know about him being bothered by Moblit and her? No, she couldn't have known, he hadn't told anyone. Otherwise the brunette had told her about his strange attitude at lunch. But even so, that didn't have anything to do with the ball.

"What the hell are you even talking about? And I don't understand why you're talking that way to me" Levi stated, trying to ignore the suspicious voices that told him she was talking about what had happened at lunch.

"Don't play dumb with me because it won't get you anywhere! I heard three scouts talking to each other! You scared them so they wouldn't invite to the ball! Why?? Do you want me to stay by myself cleaning, is that it?" Lena asked with a hurt tone of voice.

Levi's heart seemed to have stopped right there and then. The last thing he thought of was that she was talking about him glaring at the brats who were tried to invite her to the ball. But why did she even care about them? They were only spoiled kids who wouldn't treat the way she deserved.

"For God's sake I can't believe you're actually mad about that..." Levi put a hand on his face in embarrassed, however he was still with that uninterested tone "Lena they're just brats. They ask you to go to the ball the next minute they're looking at your like they want to fuck you"

"And?? I'm a grown up woman I can take care of myself!" Lena exclaimed with her blue eyes widened and her eyebrow raised.

"You pushed them away every single time why are you even mad?" Levi asked, this time confronting her gaze with his.

"I'm only mad because of you treating me like a dumb little girl! Don't you have anything else to do??" Lena replied, always too impulsive and without thinking.

And suddenly, they were back to the time when they had met each other. The same discussions and fights. Lena being the impulsive and feisty person she was and Levi not taking her sassyness. The two of them being two head strongs. Even so, the same fiery tension and attraction still remained there since the day they had met.

"You have to be fucking kidding me...I try to help your ass and this what you give me in return? The same sassy and disrespectful attitude?" Levi looked deeply into her eyes, in a way to intimidate her so she could calm down.

"Don't you dare giving me the 'I am your Captain card' or this is going to end in tragedy!" The gingerhead exclaimed. Lena then lifted her head up with a fake confidence "A-And you know what? For your information I...I am already going with someone!"

For a second, Levi felt that tight on his stomach when he heard what the freckled cheeks had said. But then he realized how that didn't make any sense.

"That has to be the worst lie I ever heard" Levi crossed his arms and frowned his eyebrows.

"What makes you think I'm lying? You think only brats want to invite me??" Lena asked, sounding offended by that comment.

"This is ridiculous. Just this morning you said you didn't have a pair and now you're coming to me with that talk? I don't believe in a damn word you're saying" Levi put his face closer to hers, already losing patience with that whole made up story.

"W-What you believe or not it's your problem" Lena replied a bit hesitated for lying to Levi. 

"Alright...Then might I know who that is?" The raven haired man put his face even closer to hers.

Lena was already breathing heavily as the Captain got closer to her...Her head was starting spinning and vulnerability was already taking advantage of her.

"T-That's what you w-wanted to know!" Lena tried to say without breaking completely into stutters, as she felt Levi's grey blue eyes analyzing her features "Y-You always say you don't want people in your business, but you're being the firs to poke your nose where it doesn't belong"

"Don't fucking change the subject" Levi whispered in his husky tone that made the gingerhead almost go crazy "All I did was asking a question..."

Lena had already tears forming in her eyes. She didn't know if she should feel embarrassed, ashamed for having to lie to him, regretted, sad or without patience.

"And...And why do you care who my pair is?? This morning you also weren't being honest! Why do you care with whoever I'm going with?? Can you answer me those questions or not??" Lena got up from the chair, already shedding some tears that were falling on her cheeks.

Levi got up from the bed right after her and noticed the crying. The raven haired immediately put both of his hands on her cheeks to clean her tears. It was an impulse, a complete irrational thing that he had absolutely no idea why had done it.

"Why don't you answer those questions for me?" Levi whispered, his eyes also completely lost and broken "Because I have no idea..."

Lena, who was still looking at the ground, gained courage to look at him in the eyes. That same gaze who drove her insane and only made her want to hug him and to take all of his sorrow and despair away...

The gingerhead said nothing, only looked at him, with her eyes full of tears.

"Lena..." The raven haired Captain insisted in calling her again "Tell me why I care so much..."

The freckled cheeks looked at the ground again. Again, the same mix of emotions on her stomach that didn't have idea how she should act.  She only know

"Y-You really have no clue? Not even just a little bit?" Lena replied quietly, still crying. Then she returned her eyes on him one more time.

"I have no fucking clue..." Levi replied, his voice sounding each time more desperate and needy.

"I don't know if you really don't see it, or if you just don't want to see it..." Lena whispered, only feeling his cold hands on her warm chubby cheeks "But...That's a question you need to answer yourself...It's not up to me or to anyone else...Only you"

Still with his hands on her chubby freckled cheeks, Levi leaned his face even closer. He had no idea why he was doing that...But that didn't matter anymore...

He and Lena closed their eyes, only feeling each other's heavy breaths and warmth. All very slowly, like a slow crescendo of an orchestra, their noses were touching. It was beginning to get even more difficult to breath. Lena's cheeks were covered with a deep blush...The only think she could think in that moment was to press his lips on hers. Wrapping her arms around him and kiss him with all the love she had for him...

The inevitable was about to happen...Lena put her hands on his, feeling his presence all over her...

Their lips were finally touching when-

"Lena, sweetie!" A voice echoed through the room. It was no other than Judy. With her eye and mouth opened widely as she observed the scene that was happening in front of her "A-Am I interrupting something?"

Lena and Lena finally understood where they were and immediately separated themselves. Lena put a piece of her red hair behind her ear in nervousness and tried to cool herself down, waving her hand to make air.

"W-What an idea, Judy of course not..." Lena replied, still a bit breathless "C-Captain Lei was just leaving, right?"

"Y-Yeah I was..." Levi answered, running his fingers through his hair as well, still feeling breathless from what had happened "T-Thank you so much for your help..."

Before leaving, the raven haired man took a good look at Lena, who was also looking at him with a guilty expression. He turned his back on her and faced the middle aged woman, who still looked at him with a suspicious look. She obviously wasn't believing anything they were saying.

Then, Levi felt relieved once she gave him a kind, yet tired, smile. Like in a way of saying 'Don't worry, I didn't see anything'. The raven haired Captain passed by her, that was still on the door and left the room.

Lena took the longest sigh she had ever let out in her entire life and covered her face with her hands.

"I came so we could talk about the appointments. Helga told me you were insisting in helping me" Judy walked towards her, observing her strange reaction "I'm sorry, I thought the appointment had already ended"

The gingerhead gained courage to look at her colleague, whose sweet brown eyes that reflected the light of the lamps of the room, gave her a sensation of comfort.

"O-Of course...I really want to help you, Judy..." The freckled cheeks gave her a shy smile and also came closer to her.

"We can talk about do that just now" Judy gave her a kind smile, putting her hand on her shoulder "You look like you had a sun burnt on your face"

Like an instinct, Lena touched her cheeks to feel them. They were so hot, all of her was so hot that she felt like she was going to burn fried up.

"You're terrible..." Judy chuckled, obviously only teasing her "First being friends with the soldiers...Now this?"

"Please Judy, don't lecture me...For that I already had Helga" Lena closed her eyes in frustration.

"Does Helga know??" The brown haired woman asked completely shocked.

"She does...She almost put me in the oven to bake me when she found out" The gingerhead decided to open her big blue eyes and looked at her colleague "But everything is good now, don't worry..."

Judy took her hand off her shoulder and gave her half of a smile.

"Well that makes me feel better. Now let's discuss the hours of the appointments? We can talk better about this later" The brown haired woman said, still grinning sweetly at the gingerhead.

Lena sighed again, putting all of her concentration into what she was about to do.

"Sure! Let's do it!"

Chapter Text

Lena and Judy were both in their room, after that long day had been over. Each of them already in their night dresses, the brown haired woman had sat in the gingerhead bed with her, decided listening carefully to the freckled cheeks' explanation about her and Captain Levi.

"Wait wait...Let me get this straight" Judy moved her long arms with a small smile on her face "First you wanted to kill each other and now you're in love? With that ice cube, as you are always calling him?"

Lena had her cheeks covered in blush, as she looked to the ceiling dreamily.

"Judy he's much more than an ice cube...He's the strongest man I've met, and not in Humanity's strongest. He has a heart bigger than the walls! He worries about everyone's well being and has suffered so much in life...He deserves all love in this world... " Lena sighed, as she braided her long orange and wild hair "Even if there are moments when I still feel like cutting him to pieces... He's just so kind...So selfless...So beautiful...That makes it impossible for me to not love him forever with everything I can..."

The gingerhead looked at the ceiling with her eyes shining more than a thousand stars, her face covered in a deep shade of red. But especially her eyes...Judy noticed perfectly the way they sparkled whenever she talked about the raven haired man.

"I'm still very confused about all of this but..." Judy admired her shining blue eyes and let go one of the same sweet smiles of hers "You really love Captain Levi, don't you?"

"He is everything to me..." Lena smiled, her eyes already shedding some tears to how much love she had for him... "I didn't even know my heart could love someone this much...Every time I see him it's like my heart is going to explode from happiness...Every time I talk to him I remind myself how lucky I am that he's still here with me...How lucky I am that I still can look at him and hear his voice...I feel my heart beating so fast, my legs are shaking and...God sometimes I feel like I'm going to pass out..."

"But what about your convent? What about coming here for God's will?" Judy asked, frowning her eyebrows in confusion.

The gingerhead looked down...

She couldn't deny that she had felt guilty since the beginning for having those lustful thoughts about the Captain. And even when she was starting to fall in love with, simple and suddenly as falling asleep, she didn't know what she could do. Lena had devoted herself to God, she had lived in a convent for 5 years. She had came to that place to do God's will. And yes, it felt guilty at the beginning.

But when the the gingerhead had him lied on her lap, feeling his breath and watching on his most vulnerable and broken state, she knew she had no reason to feel guilty. Lena had fallen in love with Levi because God wanted her to. Everything on that life had a reason, every person she had met, every person she had lost, very song she sang, every mistake she had made...It all guided her for that exact moment. If the freckled wasn't meant to fall in love with Levi, then God wouldn't make her to.

So it could only mean that his will was for her to love him. To love him with no guilt and freely. Especially since Levi deserved it...He deserved all of the stars together. 

"At first I was really confused and frightened...I thought that it was wrong if I came here on God's will to devote myself to someone else...I...I thought it was wrong to feel happy...To be honest I still am completely frightened..." Lena started, giving sad chuckles "But now I know that...Nothing is a coincidence in God's plan. And if I fell in love with Levi, that means that it's his will for me. Love is not something I can control, that's why I love to feel it. Even if I tried to shake Levi away from my heart I wouldn't be able to do it...And we already have such a short life...I would like to spend the rest of it loving him with no regrets and guilt"

 Lena gave Judy the same compassionate smiles and put her and on the middle aged woman's hands She then lowered her blue eyes to look at their united fingers...Distant memories coming back to her mind, the freckled cheeks let a dreamily and sweet smile.

"My father, before he died, he used to tell me a lot 'My Lena. There are three things you need to do to live a happy life, even it's short. Fight hard, love deeply and dream big. Those are the most important things in the world...'" Lena said, remembering perfectly her father Hugo's words "I live by his advice to this day... I think that...Even in this cruel world and between all of this tragedy and sorrow there are beautiful moments. We need to cherish those moments while we can...And especially to know that love is something beautiful that shouldn't be devalued or conditional. Because it's not...It's everywhere, just like dreams. That is what distinguishes us from the Titans. And it's going to be what will set the Humanity free, I'm sure of it..."

Lena let a playful smile when she saw the brunette's reaction.

Judy had her mouth opened and her brown eyes shining. She had probably never heard something like that in her life, especially in the buildings of the Scout Regiment. There was that side of the gingerhead that made people say she had a light...How could someone think like that? Among all of that tragedy, death and grief? It seemed like such a naive way of thinking...But when a person thought deeply about it, it made sense.

Love and Dreams were what had kept them alive all of those years. By dreaming to a world without Titans where everyone was free and by loving the people next to them to keep them safe. 

"You know...I was about to give you the typical advice that I've always given you...But as not even Helga could convince you, I'm not going to do it either" Judy got up from the bed smirking to the gingerhead "That's a real...Unique view of things..."

"You think I'm a naive dumb girl don't you?" Lena lowered her head in embarrassment.

"Of course not..." The brown haired woman replied, already between her sheets "I'm just thinking how can someone still think like that in the times we are...There is something very special about you, Lena"

Lena felt her heart tightened, as she also got between her sheets, feeling her braided hair on her pillow. Judy clearly didn't know what she was talking

"Special? I'm as ordinary as a rock..." Lena replied, with her blue eyes shining while she thought about her parents.

"Don't say those things...And I don't think you are naive at all..." Judy said smiling at the ceiling "Perhaps...That's how this world show needs to think too..."

Lena turned her head to the side to look at the brown haired woman. She was smiling dreamily to the air...The gingerhead never saw Judy as out of reality as that. Her feet were always on the ground and she didn't get distracted easily.

"But now let's change the subject. Did the Captain ask you to be his pair for the Military Ball?" Judy asked joyfully turning her head towards the freckled cheeks.

Then, Lena remembered about their conversation of earlier. The way Levi grabbed her face and was so close to hers, how he sounded so desperate and unsure of his feelings...How they had almost pressed their lips together. It made her cheeks even redder.

But most importantly, she remembered the reason why the raven haired man had done that in the first place.

"DANG IT! I told him I already had a pair to see how he would react!! Now what do I do??" Lena asked, feeling the nerves taking advantage of her.

"What kind of question is that? You tell him the truth, obviously" Judy answered with a chuckle.

"I can't! I'm going to give him reason! And besides...It's not like he's going to invite me even if I'll tell him..." Lena sighed sorrowful.

"You don't know that for sure. Maybe he can figure out his feelings before the ball"

"Don't even try to convince me! I already said that I'm not going to do it!"

"Lena you're being stubborn! For crying out loud!"

...

Levi's hands were supporting his hands as he studied the plan for the capture of the female Titan. But his mind couldn't focus on that. Which was ironic, he usually didn't think in anything else but the plans for the Survey Corps. But of course all of that had changed since he had met her...

The raven haired man was desperate.

Why did he care about who was Lena's pair? Levi knew that was probably a lie made up by whatever reason she had. The gingerhead had already such crazy ideas that anything from her surprised him anymore. Though he had to admit...That he felt strange. What if that hadn't been just a lie? What if she was telling the truth? And worst of all, what if it were only those perverted brats? Or what if it was other person that Levi didn't know about? 

His mind was already stepping back from the real question: why did he care?

He had no idea why that was so strange to him, why she made him act that way, why he couldn't stop thinking about her every second of everyday... Why his chest seemed to explode every time he saw her. How he couldn't imagine a life without her anymore...

Levi had felt that way since the moment they started having those conversation at night and with the time, those feelings grew even bigger and more intense. Lena had taught him so many things that he even view them differently than he used to...He even let her emotionally in his life, which was something unthinkable for him if it had happened months ago. Maybe at first he would only view it as a deep friendship and respect...But he wanted more than that. The real question was: what was that 'more'? Was that because there was physical attraction in the middle? Though he also felt more emotionally connected with her than with anyone else...

"I don't know if you really don't see it, or if you just don't want to see it..." Lena whispered, only feeling his cold hands on her warm chubby cheeks "But...That's a question you need to answer yourself...It's not up to me or to anyone else...Only you"

"Tch" Levi said, putting his hand on his forehead.

Was he that naive that he thought Lena had the answer to something that he was feeling? No, more likely it showed how desperate he was to figure out what that was. 

Levi had only cared about fighting. He had no other purpose in life other than surviving. After all who could blame someone that, after so many years of losing important people to him, to care about any other thing? Yes, he cared about his comrades, but those were relationships more likely based on respect, trust and friendship than anything else. 

But with Lena...It was different. It was like there could be a purpose on his life other than fighting. The way she viewed life was completely different from him and he had always thought she was just naive because of that. But once he finally let her in he was already seeing why she thought those things that, for him, were always unrealistic. Ideas like dreams and happiness, seemed each time less impossible ever since he had met her...She made him think that maybe following his heart rather than his head all the time, wasn't that much of a bad decision.

So what was that? How could someone be there, both emotionally and physically, that was way deeper than the other people he knew?

While the raven haired was still completely drowned in his own thoughts and strange emotions, he heard someone knocking on his door.

KNOCK!

KNOCK!

KNOCK!

"Name and business?" Levi replied unemotionally. 

He wasn't in the mood for attending anyone, but he also didn't care to send them away. He would still be lost in his thoughts either way.

"It's Erwin. I have some changes on the plan that I need to hand to you" The blonde's deep voice replied. 

"You may enter..." Levi answered immediately, still with the same uninterested voice of his.

For a reason, seeing Erwin maybe could make him more aware in his emotions. He was usually more feet on the ground wit those kind of things. And Levi trusted him implicitly. Perhaps asking him for advice didn't sound that ridiculous and childish after all.

The blonde man entered on the door with some papers on his hand. As he saw Levi looking contemplative at the table, he immediately sensed that something was off.

"So, after a while of talking, Armin decided to take another approach" Erwin started, walking towards Levi's table.

The raven haired look at the Commander with one of his eyebrows raised, in a way to show he was listening to him with attention. At least he was trying...

"Armin, Mikasa and Eren are going to approach Annie Leonhart by themselves. What happens next is up to Eren and, in a special case, into the scouts" The blonde man said, while he placed the paper with the plan's changes on Levi's desk.

"We're really going to trust the Titan boy again? Your mind is becoming shittier each second..." Levi replied sarcastically, skeptical about all of that conversation.

"Let's just say we're going to trust Armin and our soldiers. There is something I must ask. Is your leg going to be fine until then?" Erwin frowned his eyebrows in seriousness.

Levi looked at the side and recalled the gingerhead's words...How she sounded so sure of herself...How she deeply cared about his well being, with how much delicateness she touched his leg to lift it up. How she looked like an angel when he opened his eyes to her on top of him...

Damn it. There he was spacing out again and thinking about her...

"Lena says that physiotherapy doesn't grant the leg will recover soon. I'm going to need to do some exercises by myself and to be there once a week" The raven haired Captain explained as he tried to hide the red shade that was forming on his cheeks "S-she also said that nurses are no saints and that the leg is going to heal with the time...So there's no tell if I will be able to go or not"

Erwin opened his blue eyes a bit surprised by how he had memorized everything the ginger haired woman had said. Then he gave him a comforting smile.

"I see...I'm sure there will be no problem. Even if you don't go, no soldier alone is able to bring down the female Titan by themselves. That responsibility is up to Eren" Erwin said, putting his hands together and examining the raven haired man's strange expression.

"Tch I only hope you're making the right decision. We can't risk causing more deaths" Levi frowned his eyebrows with frontality.

"There's no guarantee...But...Let's just hope the plan is successful..." Erwin replied as he looked down at his hands.

Levi also looked down, thinking. He was feeling a bit useless if he didn't join them to that plan...But his leg wouldn't probably be recovered until there. Just to think the plan might not be successful made him want to jump off a bridge.

He couldn't take any more deaths...

"By the way...Did the appointment go well?" Erwin asked, taking Levi off his trance.

The raven haired man lifted his blue eyes to look at his, already feeling that accelerated heartbeat as he recalled everything that happened some hours ago...

"It went fine..." Levi replied with a lower voice, trying not destroy himself in stutters. But, as he saw the typical Erwin suspicious face, he already knew he had to tell him the truth "It went more or less..."

"Is that so...Did it hurt doing physiotherapy for the first time?" Erwin gave him a small smile seeing Levi's embarrassed expression.

"Yeah but nothing I couldn't handle. Especially since Lena...Since she was making an effort not to hurt even more the leg" Levi said, taking his eyes off Erwin and looking at the table instead "Erwin, do you mind if I ask you something?"

Erwin couldn't deny that he was surprised. Not because of what Levi had said before but because he already knew what he was going to ask. Or at least why he wanted to ask him a question. The blonde haired man warmly smiled to his comrade.

"Of course. It's still early after all" Erwin replied. The clock marked 23:48, almost midnight, but the older soldiers usually slept much later than that.

Levi took a long sigh...Asking his Commander for advice on things like emotions or feelings felt really strange. But he trusted Erwin with his life, so he knew he could give him some advice. Erwin was much more aware of emotions than he was. 

"What does it mean to give a shit about who someone's pair is?" Levi asked, lifting his eyes up to meet Erwin's again.

"I-...Don't think I understand what you mean" Erwin tilted his head to the side in confusion.

"W-Well...Shit, how am I supposed to explain it?" Levi slapped his forehead in annoyance.

"Wait...Is this because of the rumor that has been going around that you're scaring some cadets who want to ask Elena for the ball?" Erwin asked with a smirk and one of his bushy eyebrows raised.

Levi opened widely his eyes. If anything he wasn't expecting Erwin to know about that. If even Erwin know, of course it had to be only a matter of time before the gingerhead finding out. Perhaps he should've tried other way that would be less suspicious...

"How-How the fuck do you know about that?" The raven haired asked still a bit shocked about how the blonde haired man knew.

"Walls have ears, Levi..." Erwin chuckled at his question. But then, he put on a serious look, although not harsh. Simply attentive as if he was going to ask him something important "Before I give my opinion, I'm going to ask the same question to you. What do you think it means?"

Levi made a tch at Erwin's reply.

The raven haired man had already spent hours and hours thinking about that question himself. He had always assumed it was because he cared about Lena so he wanted to make sure she got treated with respect and that no brat would take advantage of her. 

But then he realized that he cared too much. So much to the point when even picturing Moblit and her together made him extremely uncomfortable. 

"I think it means that...I care about Lena and that I don't want her to go with some brats who won't treat her the way she deserves" Levi tried to answer, even if he wasn't completely honest. But after all, how could he be honest about something he didn't understand?

"Are you sure it's only that? Don't you think there is any other reason beyond that?" Erwin asked again.

Levi looked at his hands again...Any other reason? But what reason could exist beyond that?

"That's what I'm trying to figure out, damn it" Levi said harshly, even if anyone could notice the vulnerability on his tone. His eyes became sadder, yet brighter as he thought about the gingerhead "Lena is a very important person to me. Since she entered in my life, long before all of this shit, that everything started changing. My way of thinking, my way to see life....She woke up emotions in me that I didn't even know I had..."

"Could it be...Because you think the only person who could treat her the way she deserves...Is you?" Erwin finally said.

At that answer, Levi's mind seemed to go completely blank.

"That...That doesn't make any sense" Levi said, with a completely confused expression.

Erwin only felt to slap his forehead. He knew Levi was very unaware of emotions, especially a feeling that he had never experienced before. 

"Levi...Just answer me this question with honesty" Erwin started, looking deeply into his eyes "Would you want to go with Lena to the ball nor not?"

Levi opened widely his eyes in confusion...

Did he? The thought of Lena being his pair didn't feel right at all...But at the same time it felt. It didn't make any sense, but at the same time it put all of the points together. Imagining her next to him looking as beautiful as she usually looked like. Spending all of the night talking to her, hearing her loud laugh and stubborn attitude. Watching her big and bright blue eyes looking at him, and at only him...Her smile that could warm the coldest parts of his heart...

All of that only meant to him...

"I-" Levi tried to find the right words, but for the first time in his life, he was left speechless.

"I think you already have your answer.." Erwin gave him a warm smile. Then the blonde man got up from the chair and patted friendly the Captain's shoulder "Have good night, Levi. And don't stress much about it. Everything is going to make sense at the end"

And with that, Erwin left the room, leaving Levi alone with his thoughts one more time.

The raven haired man's mind and heart were more confused each time....He had no idea what he was supposed to think about. Levi wanted to go the ball with her. He wanted her to be his pair. But why?

Slamming his fists on the table in complete despair, Levi Tried desperately to calm himself down. At least Erwin could've helped him a little bit. He could perfectly well trying to take a guess and not leaving all of those questions to himself.

Something told him that the whole 'wanting to go to the ball with Lena' was a allegory, like a metaphor to something. But what could that be?

Levi wasn't going anywhere with that, so he decided to do other thing to get himself distracted besides paperwork. The raven haired man looked around his desk. There was the book that the gingerhead had told him to read. Funny, even simple decisions like that were thinking about her...

He decided to start reading it, since the last time he had tried, the crazy brown haired scientist had burst out inside the room before he even opened the first page.

Levi opened the book and read it mindfully, through the words of the first page.

"(...)

I never knew in the whole eternity of my days what it was like to love one another. I always have assumed it was a doltish idea made up to enslave us even more than we are. Perhaps it was because my mind always rejected the idea of the ridiculous antique formalities, such as writing love letters, to court, or even to marry. I had no desire to feel, I had no desire to look for a partner. I had no desire for looks, I had no desire for money. I had no desire for physical touch. I only desired to find my intent on this world. The walls separated me not only from what was behind it, but for my utterly sensation of wanting live"

Levi rolled his eyes, it was the first page and it was already the most boring thing he had ever read in his life. Still, he had nothing to do and he really needed to distract himself for all of those crazy thoughts.

And there he spent hours...Reading that lame cheesy book...Flipping from page to page, trying to keep those thoughts away from him.

The story was indeed more interesting than he thought. Camilla's fight for her financial independence and the present social criticism of the higher class's ignorance made him compliment the author on his mind. He also could identify with some traits of hers, such her fight, her tragic past and her intolerance of spoiled rich snob bastards.

However, as he read the development of Camilla and Bernhart's relationship, he noticed something off. Not only Camilla was similar to him in all of those other things, but she had also very difficulty in understanding her emotions. What started as a love and hate relationship with that snob bastard, starting slowly becoming an impossible love story. 

Levi found himself even identifying to what she felt when she was around Bernhart...And there was a particular quote that made him almost drop the book.

"My life has changed completely since I met him. I have always had new particular feeling when I encounter him around me. Like I am being stabbed with a hundred daggers on my chest. And when he leaves those daggers come off, an hemorrhage starts and dirts all my body, my soul and my mind. Although it's not pain that I feel when he stabs me, it is when he leaves and the bleeding starts and begins to smudge my interiors. When he comes close, I feel the same sensation as someone whose knees are being broken. However, I don't feel any pain. It is a rather syrupy and sour sentiment that consumes my entire being. It frightens me like a thousand daggers, but it does not hurt me. In fact, I could never feel more secure with anyone else"

The raven haired man's heart started beating faster as he read more deeply.

"I love you and I can't stand being away from you"

"I love you...And you won't ever need to be away from me anymore..."

Levi closed the book in panic. 

His grey blue eyes were wide opened, his mouth had became dry and his heart was filled with a strange anxiety.

Could that be...That just like Camilla loved Bernhardt.... He also loved Lena?

Was that the answer for all of those strange emotions he was feeling? That beating heart that seemed like it was going to explode, his legs shaking and shaking every time he encountered her, sometimes even feeling that he was going to faint. The warm on his cheeks, the butterflies on his belly, that need to touch her, that need to be with her each and every second. That sick sensation when she was with any other man without it being him...

Levi knew exactly what was that feeling...All of that time he only needed a word. A single word that made his confusion disappear. 

Love.

That was the answer to everything...To every doubt, to every question. Maybe that was even the answer he was looking for her all of his life. However, those certainties were quickly replaced to even more confusion

Levi shook his head and put his hands on it. He shouldn't determine what he was feeling by reading a book. That wasn't how emotions worked. He had never needed any book or any person to tell him what he was feeling. He need to dive deepen into his emotions. Paying closer attention to what he felt when he was around her.

But the worst question he could think about was: what if he did? Levi was always in need to control everything around him, he couldn't stand the unpredictable, the inevitable or anything disorganized...

"But Captain that's the most amazing thing about love" There she was again with the bright in her eyes and dreamy smile..."You can't choose, no one gives you any choice... You either fall or fall... No one can explain it... It just happens... Even the most different people in the world can fall in love and no one is able to explain how, because that's how love is... I know it's very scary... But it's worth every scare in the world..."

Levi recalled Lena's words like if she had said them on the day before...

Love was something beyond his control. He couldn't make a plan, or organize it. He felt completely numb and powerless...And he couldn't deny, he was almost having a panic attack with all of that new information.

Levi couldn't say that he wouldn't like to be in love with Lena...But it was all of that idea that frightened him completely. It froze him and broke away every single Wall he had built to hide himself. It made him feel weak, vulnerable, powerless...And that was the worst way he could feel. Worst of all, he didn't even know if Lena felt the same. Though it was true that her actions were just like his...But how could she be in love with someone like him?

Or perhaps he had always known what he was...Maybe he was choosing not to see the obvious. All of that confusion and fear were blocking him from deciphering his own emotions. Why did he have to be so complicated?

The raven haired man shook his head again...He couldn't use phrases of a book to determine whether he was in love or not. Even though everything made sense and that was the only answer to every question on his mind, he would wait until he had a certainty. If Lena had feelings for him too, he wouldn't dare to hurt her just because of his own confusion.

That was it. He would have to wait. Even if that wait was painful...

...

The next day had arrived. After a long night of sleep, when everyone had already finished the morning's training, Lena decided to take a little time to sing under a tree right in front of the building.

Dressed in her white dress until her shins, very flowy and also with large and flowy sleeves that lengthened until middle of her forearm. The only things that were showing were her arms and the rest of her legs since the shins. The gingerhead sat with her back leaned on the tree and felt the summer breeze on her face.

The freckled cheeks quickly opened her guitar case to reveal her old guitar, that had always been with her. She hadn't played in a while, and that moment with only herself would feel like heaven. Tuning the chords with a soft na na na na na and some scales, the gingerhead beat on it with her eyes shining

(click the link and listen to the song :))

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2s2_9DWg2w

"Here comes the sun do, do, do
Here comes the sun
And I say it's all right

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here

Here comes the sun do, do, do
Here comes the sun
And I say it's all right" Lena moved strategically her fingers through the guitar's strings as she sang.

"Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear

Here comes the sun do, do, do
Here comes the sun
And I say it's all right

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes

Little darling
I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling
It seems like years since it's been clear

Here comes the sun do, do, do
Here comes the sun
And I say it's all right

Here comes the sun do, do, do
Here comes the sun
And I say it's all right

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here

Here comes the sun do, do, do
Here comes the sun
And I say it's all right" Lena stopped playing in softer chords and stopped singing

The gingerhead looked at the endless sky with a silly smile on her face. If there was one thing that would never abandon her was her music...The beautiful music that kept her alive and breathing.

Then, Lena looked to the building and went face to face with a Moblit with his mouth wide opened and blushed cheeks. He was right in front of the head quarters' castle with some books on his hand. Looking at her like he was seeing the embodiment of God himself.

"Moblit!!! Hello!!!" Lena called the brown haired man with a giant smile on her face and shiny eyes "Come sit here if you want!!!"

Moblit gulped in nervousness and decided to walk towards the direction of the freckled cheeks. It pained him even to see her. Just thinking that he never had a chance with her, that she wouldn't ever feel for him what he felt for her...

Still, he liked her company nonetheless and wanted to continue being her friend. It would hurt much more not talking to her anymore than, even if it was painful, continuing to get along with her and being friends.

"H-Hi, Lena!" Moblit waved awkwardly as he sat on the grass in front of the gingerhead "What are you doing here outside?"

"I finished all of my work so I decided to be outside a little bit singing. It's such a beautiful day isn't it?" Lena smiled warmly to the section helper.

Her eyes shined so brightly, her cheeks were so red and her smile could melt a iceberg just if she laid her gaze on it. One look at her and anyone could notice how head over heels she was. It made her look more beautiful than ever. And he only wished she was looking like that for him. That he was the reason why she looked so beautiful. And it hurt, it hurt so deeply...

But at the same time, Moblit was also happy just because she was happy. And he only wished that she wouldn't suffer the way he was on that moment. He didn't wish anyone to go through that, much less Lena.

"Yes, it is. Do you know why the sky is blue?" He asked her. The gingerhead looked at him with curious eyes.

"Well the sky is blue because God made it that way isn't that obvious?" Lena answered innocently, which made Moblit chuckle.

"That is a perspective. But it's actually an effect provoked by the dispersion of sunlight through the gases that surround our planet" Moblit explained. Lena looked at him with her big blue eyes widened and sparkling. Like the eyes of a child learning something new in school.

"Oh my God, really?? We really should've had science in the convent! That's so interesting!" Lena exclaimed with a huge smile and bright big eyes. Moblit snorted with that ironic sentence. Religion and science didn't really mix up well "One more proof that world is so beautiful....If only it didn't have these brute Titans... Can you imagine what could we do?"

"Yeah... I think of that every day..."

"Well then think, my friend. Because dreams command the life. And there are so many, so many... " Lena said dreamily, tapping on Moblit's shoulder. Then the gingerhead gave him a big smile "So tell me how have you been?? We haven't talked in almost a year!" 

"You'ew exaggerating. And I've been....Great" Moblit tried the hardest to put a smile on his face "You know, helping Hange with her crazy ideas. And also busy for the Military Ball"

"Uhh the Military Ball. Who is the lucky one that will be your pair?" Lena asked playfully with a big smile on her face.

"N-No one! I mean, I'm going myself. I almost don't have time to hang out with anyone" Moblit scratched the back of neck awkwardly.

It was most likely be because the person he wanted to go to the ball with had absolutely no interest in him and was was in love with someone else...

Moblit felt like he was being stabbed on his chest. But he needed to get used to it. Lena was happy, that was all that mattered. He shouldn't want her to feel pain for not having her feelings returned by the person she loved. Even if it hurt him...

"Ohh don't tell me. What a waste! Are all the girls blind or what?" Lena asked with a playful frown and a smile.

"Come on stop it, you're sounding like my mom" Moblit smiled, more awkward at each time with his cheeks completely red "By the way what about you? How have you been?"

"I've been more or less..." Lena let out a sadder grin.

Moblit raised an eyebrow at her reply with curisosity. Then he decided to make sure if what he suspected all of that time was actually true.

"Oh? Does it have to do with a certain Captain?" Moblit asked, trying to force a smirk.

The gingerhead's world seemed to have stopped right there.

How on the Walls did Moblit know about her and Levi? Her heartbeat was already increasing and the warm on her cheeks was rising again. 

"W-W-WHAT?? Y-You have to be kidding...H-How do you know about that??" Lena asked in a nervous wreck, shaking from her head to her toes redder than a tomato.

The brown haired man took a melancholic sigh...It was true. It was really Levi she was talking about. It had been him all along.

Moblit couldn't say he didn't get her. The man could be small, distant, cold and a bit rude but he was Humanity's Strongest Soldier. As much as it pained him to admit, he was also incredibly handsome, noble, brave and imposing. Things that he would never be...

It was ironic, he had nothing to do with Lena, they couldn't be more different from each other. But for whatever reason that he still wasn't able to figure out, they seemed to complement each other. Or at least he thought, they were in love for some reason right? Perhaps more than he ever could...

"Well taking away the fact that you're not very discreet, Hange is always teasing Levi about it" Moblit gave her a small smile.

"No way...That Hange..." Lena put her her hand on her forehead chuckling.

"So I'm guessing you will go to the ball with him...You wanted so much to go, and now you even have the chance to go with the...With the person you love" Moblit lowered her head in sorrow.

Lena took a long sigh and put hugged her knees a bit gloomy.

"That's more complicated..." The gingerhead gave him half of a smile "In other words I messed up...I completely messed up. I made a mess bigger than the sky and all the stars together"

"Oh...Is that why you're just more or less?" Moblit looked at her with curiosity. The gingerhead nodded her head and made him let a chuckle "You made one of the crazy things of yours didn't you?"

"The true truth is that...I was frustrated because he didn't admit that he was jealous of other soldiers who wanted to invite me. And really angry for him meddling in my life" Lena started with hesitation, feeling regret of her quick decision "So I kind of told him that I already had a pair for him to realize and to admit he was jealous"

"Lena...That's a bit..."

"I know...God I'm so regretted..." The gingerhead put her hands on her head in embarrassment and guilt "He's probably so scared and confused...But I was impatient and couldn't keep my big mouth shut..."

The brown haired man observed the way she talked about him...Her eyes were shining so much, the tone of her voice showed a complete regret over the decision she had made. He couldn't hate seeing someone so in love...

"Then tell him the truth. I'm sure he's going to understand" Moblit said, anyone could notice the sincerity with he was talking.

"No way. He's going to get mad at me because I lied, thinking he has all the reason and probably not even asking to the ball after all of that..." Lena said sorrowfully "Besides I don't even care about that ball! He can go, I couldn't care less..! I'm fine on my own cleaning..! Then I can just say that my pair got sick or something"

"You're lying to yourself and you'll lie to Levi again..." The brown haired man smiled at her reaction. 

Lena talked about how Levi was confused and scared...But she was also very afraid and confused in what she should do. One look at her face and anyone could notice her lost gaze.

Moblit really shouldn't do what he was about to do. He was only ending up hurting himself even more. But...Seeing the gingerhead by herself and not happy made him sad and hurt as well.

He knew what he had to do...But was it really the smartest decision?

"You know what? If you need a pair then I can go with you..." Moblit started and then immediately got more nervous once the freckled cheeks stared at him with her blue eyes wode opened "A-A-As friends!! Y-You know, w-we get along and y-you really want to go to the ball and I thought that maybe...I don't know...."

Lena's heart was warming with the brown haired man's kindness...She almost couldn't find the right words to answer him...

"What...? But....But Moblit what if you find someone that you actually want to go with? I can't accept it, I wouldn't be fair" Lena tried to say, but still a bit overwhelmed by his act of pure kindness.

"Don't worry, I doubt I'll find someone else until tomorrow" Moblit said with a sweet smile.

"B-B-But I don't even have a dress and-" Lena said, the embarrassment and awkwardness getting the better of her.

"You'll find a way. You're not a woman of sitting back" The brown haired man replied, his eyes shining and his cheeks blushing.

Lena was completely overwhelmed by Moblit's decision...She already knew he was an angel, but doing a thing like that for her? Knowing she was counting on someone like him made her so happy. So sweet and loyal as a shield. The gingerhead found almost impossible that no girls were interested in him. The brown haired man was so kind and his looks weren't bad either.

"Moblit...I-I don't even have words..." The gingerhead looked at him with her eyes shining with gratitude. Instead of saying anything else, she just wrapped her arms around him, still sitting on the ground with a big smile "Thank you...Thank you, thank you, thank you! You're even more sweeter than sugar and all candies on the Walls together. You're going to make someone so happy..."

The brown haired man returned the hug, feeling all of her warm. If only Lena knew the person he wanted to make happy was her...And in a way, he was doing it. He only wished he could be happy too.

While Moblit and Lena's moment happened, a certain raven haired Captain walked towards the outside of the building in hopes to have a fresh air. It wasn't healthy for him to be inside all day, especially with his leg on that state. 

Once he got in the outside, his eyes faced a ginger haired woman and a brown haired man embracing each other lying on the grass.

Levi filled himself with a sorrow and despondency that seemed to have no end. Different that all of those times when he just felt like punching the one who was approaching her. It was a feeling of...Regret, fear, desolation and insecurity...All at once.

The raven haired man gulped, trying to compose himself as they separated from themselves. Maybe that didn't mean anything. It wasn't like they were kissing or making out in front of him. But still...He knew well how Moblit was interested in Lena. And even if Hange said they were just friends, that didn't stop that horrifying feeling that consumed him.

Levi quickly went back to inside the building, that scene wasn't making him feel healthier, he was doing the exact opposite.

The raven haired man sighed in frustration. Moblit was more like her, he could understand emotions better, her could show them better, he was a kinder and more polite person than he would ever be. Could he be naive to think that Lena didn't feel anything for him? And why did he even care about that again?

Oh, that was right.

"Because I love her..." Levi whispered to himself in sorrow...

Chapter Text

And the big day (or more like the big night) finally had arrived.

Every soldier was jumbling around the headquarters to prepare themselves for the magic night that was ahead of them. Everyone just saw clothes, ribbons and shoes all over the ground. There were only 12 hours left until the event started at 22:30. Time was losing and losing and they found themselves almost going insane with all of that pressure. Such as preparing their hair, iron their dresses and tuxedos, polish their shoes, doing their make up, letting their pair know they were ready and many many other very important things that took time and their patience.

But at the end everything would be worth it to live a magic night that would take away their stress at least until the mission to capture the female Titan.

"I still don't understand where are you taking me! If you don't tell me soon I will beat all of you I couldn't care less if you are scouts!" A certain curly red haired woman complained while she was getting pushed by Mikasa while covering her eyes.

As Lena gave them the new she was going to the ball, even if it wasn't with Levi, her three sugarplums knew they needed to do something for her. So, right when they found out she had waken up and was ready for a new day, they knew it was the perfect time.

"That will ruin everything, just be quiet for some seconds will you?" Armin asked, walking by the gingerhead's side.

"Armin I swear if I die because of a heart attack it's going to be your fault! You know perfectly I hate to be dragged to God knows where without anyone telling me what's going on!" Lena continued complaining without stop.

"Shut up! You haven't stop complaining since we came to get you on your room!" Eren said, being the one who was covering Lena's eyes. He was trying really hard not to burst our laughing.

"Well don't tell me! I bet if someone covered your eyes and dragged you to the hellhole you would be complaining as well! I swear a person has to deal with things that we can't ev-!!

"We're here!!"

Eren took his hands away from her face and the gingerhead took a sigh in annoyance.

But then, when she opened her eyes, her heart filled with a sweet warm that covered all of her body and soul. She was in her office, and in front of her was the most beautiful dress with the most beautiful color she had seen in her entire life...

Lena covered her mouth and came closer to the dress. She brought her delicate fingers to touch it and her eyes widened when she noticed it was the exact same fabric she had adored when they went to Victoria Fabrics. The light blue that matched her eyes, imitated silk perfectly, was softer than a bed of roses.

"Oh my God...You didn't-" Lena admired the dress with her eyes shining like stars. Then she started jumping excitedly with a giant smile, screamed and squeaked "AHHH OH MY GOD IT'S SO PRETTY!!! IT'S JUST THE COLOR I WANTED AND THE DESIGN IS SO BEAUTIFUL!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!"

"We knew you'd like it..." Mikasa smiled, looking at the gingerhead with a kind smile.

"I didn't like it, I LOVED IT!! B-But? How did you-??" Lena turned to her friends still with a shocked, yet cheerful expression.

"It was Mikasa's idea. When you arrived to the store after us and stood a little longer on the first floor, I noticed from upstairs you were having your eyes on that fabric. Then Eren chose more or less the design he thought you would like it" Armin smiled kindly with blushed cheeks.

The gingerhead was already starting crying. She ran towards her friends and hugged so tightly that they felt she was going to smash their bones. How did an ex nun had so much strength? They had no idea...But they knew she gave the best tight hugs...

"Ohh my sugary sugarplums..." Lena whispered to them still crying "Thank you so much...I'll always remember this..."

"Just a little a while you were complaining about it. You idiot..." Eren chuckled, still in the hug.

"I'm sorry... I can't believe you really did this for me..." Lena closed her eyes as she felt those three teenagers' warmth around her.

"Stop crying...It was just a little something to give you" Armin smiled awkwardly with blushed cheeks at that tight group hug.

"And to thank you for making my dress...I know perfectly you stood up nights to do it" Mikasa let go little tears.

The gingerhead and the three teenagers separated themselves. They immediately noticed Lena's crying because of their gesture and smiled warmly at her.

Lena looked at the three of them with an emotional smile on her freckled face.

Sometimes she forgot how lucky she was that those three were still with her. Still alive, healthy and more united than ever. To see Eren's bright green eyes full with determination, Mikasa's beautiful black hair and Armin's sweet smiles that always warmed her heart. Knowing she was going to spend a night like that with them made her feel like the happiest person on the Walls.

And now that beautiful surprise they had made to her...

Lena was planning to go shopping for a dress on the afternoon, though it would probably happen to her what happened to Mikasa. So the fact they had knew about her enough to know exactly the type of dresses she wanted and the exact color of the fabric left the freckled cheeks speechless and filled with love.

Yes, because she loved those three teenagers. Love wasn't only about romance, like the way she felt about Levi. Lena loved them like loving a son, or a brother, or a sister. An unconditional and non physical love.

"God...I still have no words..." Lena said, cleaning the tears that were forming on her blue eyes "I love you so much...Thank you so much for this..."

The three teenagers switched gazes with each other and then smiled at their older friend again, as she touched the dress with excited eyes and smile. Feeling its smooth fabric and spinning it around like she was already wearing it and dancing.

"Hey don't touch it too much. As clumsy as you are you're going to ruin it and we're not paying a new one" Eren came closer to the gingerhead and tried to take the dress away from his friend. As he was already sensing what it was going to happen if she spin it too much.

"Eren, stop being a grumpy killjoy! I just want to feel it a little a more" Lena picked it excitedly from one edge and to the other, with her eyes, which were the exact color of the dress, shining enthusiastically "God it's so pretty and beautiful...!"

"Someone better take the dress away from her or this idiot is going to screw it up" The brown haired man advised the other two teenagers.

"Lena, you're going to try it later anyways. Maybe it's better if you let it on the mannequin" Armin tried to change her mind using his sweet and rational voice, but it didn't seem to be working out.

"Alright, alright I'm going to...But just let me imagine myself with it a little more...!" Lena giggled with her eyes dreamily and shining brightly.

The three friends slapped their foreheads with smiles as they observed the gingerhead still spinning the dress around humming little melodies.

Lena really didn't change at all...

...

And just like that, other 9 hours passed by. Perhaps for some, slower than they wanted to. If the headquarters were already busy, jumbled and hurried with all of the preparations, they were more than ever when there were only 3 hours left until the big night. Anyone could already feeling that sensation of getting ready to a party. Smell of home made shampoo next to the showering rooms, as well as enormous queues of soldiers wanting to go to the ball fresh as a daisy. Inside the dormitories, clothes were spread all across the rooms and the smell of foundation, eye mascara, lipstick filled the air.

However, for some, the hours were passing way faster than they should.

Levi was one of them.

Having just taken a bath in the superiors' shower rooms, he returned to his bedroom like he was being tortured. He didn't want to go to that horrendous place. Not only he was going to have to deal with those pigs from the Military Police but, if the gingerhead had lied to him, having to spend an entire night without her. Or, if she was telling the truth, he would have to deal with her and some other guy that wasn't him...

"Take me away from this fucking torture..." Levi sat on his bed and ran his fingers through his wet hair.

Only to think that he was going to have to spend an entire night having to talk to spoiled hypocrites, liars and snob bastards made him want to kill himself. There were no words for how much he hated those kinds of events. Especially that knowing it was an entire night. An entire night of that....

Oh, and not to mention those old ladies married with the reformed soldiers who were always trying to make love matches with every soldier that was single. Or those reformed soldiers themselves who tried to start a conversation and were lamer than a race of snails, forgetting what they were talking about in less than two seconds after. Or, another pretty good example, was those who dirtied all of the floor with spilled drinks and food. And didn't even bother cleaning it up. Then anyone could step on it and ruining their shoes.

Yes, Levi had experiences with that, and they usually ended up in the raven haired man ordering them to clean it. And as they did a bad job, he went to clean it himself.

The raven haired man looked at the tuxedo that was right on his desk. At least he had an excuse to take a bath, feel clean and dress good. Nothing could be completely bad. Even if it seemed like it.

...

"OW!! Be careful, please!!" Lena hissed in pain as the small Christa tried to do something with her wild curly red hair "I swear if this hair dressing keeps for much long I'm going to go bald!!"

The gingerhead was in the teenage girls' dormitory. They had all planned to help each other out to prepare themselves for the ball. Such as to dress up, or to put on make up. Or, as what was happening, to style their hairs.

Lena's hair was obviously the most difficult of them all. Not only it was long until almost the end of her back, but it was also unconquerable. Strong and thick, it would probably take thousands and thousands of hairpins to make a perfect bun of it. Christa was the one with more delicate hands, so she was chosen to trying to dominate the lion in the freckled cheeks' head.

"I'm so sorry, Lena. Don't worry, I'm almost finishing styling it" The blonde haired girl commented, putting hairpin after hairpin, while the gingerhead was sitting on a chair feeling her life passing by.

"We've been here for half an hour I don't think I can't take it anymore!" Lena complained as she felt the tears falling down her eyes with that endless pain.

"Geez...Thanks God I wasn't born with that bear hair" Ymir said with a smirk, sitting on the bed. She was already finished dressing up, with a long simple brown dress, yet classy, until her chins "You sure are a Goddess my Christa, to being able to work with it"

"But it's so beautiful though...It looks like flames of fire and when your curls are defined it looks even prettier. I kinda wished I had curly hair too" Christa smiled awkwardly as she put one of the last hairpins.

"Trust me, sugarplum. If you had curly hair you wouldn't say that not even in the moon, not even in a million years" Lena closed one her eyes, feeling the pain on her head again when Christa pulled it one more time.

Sasha and Mikasa were only watching that scene. Christa had already taken care of their hairs, the only thing that was missing was their dresses and the make up. The blonde haired girl had made Sasha a beautiful long french braid and two braids that got together at the middle of her black hair to Mikasa.

They looked beautiful, only the dresses and the make up was missing. Though the last part they weren't sure they were going to use. None of them was used to beauty products. The only one who was more experienced in those areas was probably Lena, as she had already put on make up during her siblings and friends' weddings. But even so, the gingerhead also wasn't very sure, her family had never those kind of things since they were poor and also because her parents always warned her to be modest and humble. Though she had to say that she liked wearing it one time or two.

"And...It's done! There wasn't much I could but at least it looks pretty" The blonde haired girl sang sweetly and gave a hand mirror to the freckled cheeks, who was still sitting on the chair.

Her blue eyes widened once she saw how her hair had turned out.

Her curly braids were pinned behind, so all of her face was perfectly visible. The front parts of her hair was also tied behind in a giant french braid that fell down her back, also with pins so it wouldn't leave the place. The bottom parts with less curls fell down her shoulders and back.

Without her wild curls, Lena looked almost like a different person.

"Dear God, Christa...You truly are amazing with hair..." Lena commented, still shocked by the image she was seeing right in front of her. It made her a completely different person with her natural hair "I guess all of that suffering was worth it!"

"I told you. It truly makes you a different person" The blonde girl giggled kindly.

"But now I'm scared! One wrong movement and I ruin this work of art! And as clumsy as I am..." Lena asked with a worried tone of voice, not even daring to move her head to the side.

"Don't worry, practically all of my hairpins are in there. Not even a hurricane is going to ruin it" Christa said, determination being present in her sweet voice. She then, turned to the tall brown haired woman with blush on her cheeks "Ymir, want to be next?"

"Of course, any excuse for you to touch my hair is worth it" Ymir smirked while she let go chuckled, making Christa blush even more.

"Any of you girls wants to put on make up? I'm not very good but at least I can try a little bit" Lena asked, picking up a box that Helga had shared with her. Sasha and Mikasa, that were still on their simple and basic white under dresses.

"No thank you, I don't really like to paint my face. Besides they all smell so good and it makes me almost want to eat it" Sasha almost drooled smelling the foundation, lipsticks and blush on the gingerhead's box.

"I can put a little bit. Maybe just those things for the lashes, though... " Mikasa said, a little bit insecure about putting make up for the first time.

The gingerhead sat on the bed next to the raven haired girl and gave her a big smile. Then, with her delicate hands, she took off the box Helga had shared with her one of the containers of the products.

Lena smiled at her...Mikasa's eyes were already beautiful and with her lashes more defined she was going to look even prettier than she was. None of them needed any make up to be beautiful, every soldier of any shape and form was beautiful at Lena's eyes, but if they wanted to feel prettier, she was always going to help them.

"Alright, applying mascara is pretty easy. All you have to do is like, pick it up and start doing like this" The gingerhead tried to explain while she waved the little brush on her lashes.

Mikasa watched her doing that with her eyes widened and a terrified expression. She couldn't stop thinking about the possibility that she could stab her own eye with that. Even if Lena made it seem very easy, she was scared of even picking up that small brush.

"You see? It's easy-peasy lemon squeezy. Try it out" Lena gave the raven haired girl the mascara.

Mikasa observed the small object with a suspicious look. Like someone observing how deep was a sword. Carefully, and still frightened by that little toodle, she lifted up to the level of her eye very slowly. Then, almost in a burst, the raven haired girl leaned in into her eye.

"Wait wait wait!" Lena waved her hands in panic to stop Mikasa for doing what she was going to do. Then, the gingerhead let out sweet chuckles. "You're going to stab your eye if you do it like that, girl!"

"I'm sorry, Lena...I don't think I can do it..." Mikasa lowered her head in sorrow, handing the mascara to the freckled cheeks.

"Don't be silly, Mikasa...You fight Titans and you're scared of a small brush?" Lena smiled playfully to her childhood friend, who was only looking at the ground embarrassed. Noticing immediately her sad look and red cheeks, she gave her a comprehensive smile and took the mascara from her "Here, I'm going to do it. All you have to do is to hold your head still alright?"

"I got it..." Mikasa replied, still a bit sceptical and scared of that thing "But please be careful..."

"No worries! You're not even going to notice I'm doing it!" Lena smiled excitedly.

The gingerhead leaned her brush to the level of Mikasa's eyes and started carefully painting her lashes black. She almost didn't need any mascara, since her eyelashes were already very dark and voluminous. Very careful, to not hurt her friend, Lena did delicate and slow movements so she could make them even bigger than they were.

The raven haired girl's heart beat so fast that she was sure she had seen death right in front of her. She couldn't imagine if Lena stabbed her eye with that thing.

"And...It's done! I didn't apply much because your lashes are already so long and beautiful" Lena said with a kind smile, taking the small brush away from Mikasa's face "See? You didn't die, did you?"

"But I got close..." Mikasa replied softly with an awkward grin. Her response made Lena let out some chuckles.

"I don' think anyone was ever killed by eye mascara. You should put this pink lipstick too. It's going to combine with your dress" Lena said, giving another beauty product container to her friend.

Mikasa took it and started painting her thin and shiny lips. It was also a very discreet color, but it looked beautiful on her pale skin.

Lena smiled...Those were the moments that she loved. Being able to spend time with her friends as much as she could. God...She wouldn't switch that moment for anything...

However, the freckled cheeks couldn't deny that she was feeling butterflies on her belly thinking that Levi would be there too. Knowing he wasn't going to be her pair and spend all of the night with her, just with her...Listening to her deep voice and sarcastic comments that never failed to make her laugh, looking deeply into his greyish blue eyes that shined so much...Especially having him giving her that same soft look that wasn't meant to anyone else...Only her...

Lena only wished she could be with him, at least a little bit of the night.

"Okay, let's try your dress, Mikasa??" Lena forced herself away from her thoughts and smiled excitedly at her childhood friend.

Mikasa stood up from the bed where her dress was lied down. It was really a beautiful dress made with the most love anyone could put into something. The raven haired girl took it carefully and started putting on top of her under dress and corset.

When she was finished, it left Lena speechless...

It was a beautiful long middle ton pink dress, with the bottom and the upper part pleated. The upper part showed a shoulders, ornamented with a frill of tulle that fell down until the middle of her arm. It was tight on the waist, only with the pink fabric and the skirt of the dress was also ornamented with the same frill of tulle, shining with the bright pattern.

The light pink fabric matched perfectly her pale skin. It gave her even a more beautiful that she was, even if it was even possible. And with the hair pinned behind, and her discreet make up, she truly looked like someone from royalty.

"Wow....WOW!! YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL!!!" Lena jumped excitedly "Oh my God...You look like you were taken straight up from a fairy tale!!"

"D-Don't exaggerate..." Mikasa smiled to the ground with her cheeks completely blushed.

It was amazing how Mikasa could be so strong, emotionally and physically, a true soldier who wasn't afraid of anything, but at the same time, so fragile like she was made of glass.

"Wow Mikasa!! You look more beautiful than a bag of hot potatoes!!" Sasha shouted, as well in her yellow ball gown already.

"Is that supposed to be a compliment, potato girl?" Ymir asked with an eyebrow raised, in her simple long brown dress.

"Uhh? I didn't mean to offend anyone! I just thought that potatoes are beautiful and Mikasa looks beautiful" Sasha scratched the back of her head in embarrassment.

"Ohh we know that, Sasha. It was sweeter than sugar" Lena smiled kindly at the brown haired woman "You all look beautiful as well...Inside and out. More beautiful than a bag of potatoes!"

"Yeah I'm never considering that a complement..." Ymir chuckled.

"Come on, Ymir don't be mean" Christa tapped on her shoulder, right after finishing dressing up in a red ball gown.

Suddenly, they heard a noise.

KNOCK!

KNOCK!

KNOCK!

"Hey! Are you girls ready? We have to get going!" Jean's voice echoed from the other side of the room.

"God you're really hasty! We're just finishing!" Lena replied to Jean, laughing.

And just like that, they finished getting ready. In hopes for having a night full of fun, music, dancing and laughing.

...

The most awaited moment had finally arrived.

It was a warm night, the fireflies were everywhere and there it smelled like a truly summer night. All of the soldiers were already arriving in one of the biggest palaces in Sina, ready to have a little chat, dance and fun. But unfortunately, there was always a tension in the air between the MP's and the Scouts. Some exchange of glares and looks, but they would try to get along, or at least tolerate each other at that event.

The palace was from an absolute grandeur, it looked like it was taken from pages of a book. It was surrounded by a gigantic garden around all the building. Full of trees and exotic plants, giving a cozy yet fancy atmosphere. Right at the entrance, a beautiful stairway which led to inside of the house. In those, soldiers arriving and chatting with each other could be already seen. The palace was all lightened up and they could hear an orchestra paying inside the ballroom. It had also huge windows and balconies. Though it was only allowed access to the first floor.

Lena arrived at the palace with the younger cadets. The foundation she was using covered her cheeks, but at the same time gave her a more touch of elegance she usually didn't have. Her thin lips were painted with the same lipstick that Mikasa was wearing, which made them looked a little bit fuller. The mascara she was using made her eyes look even bigger and bluer.

The so loved dress was more blue than the sky, but it wasn't intense. The skirt of the dress lengthened until her chins and, just like Mikasa's dress, was ornamented with a blue more transparent tulle, that made it spin. Only it was puffier and not as long.The upper part was also tight, even the the tulle on top of it was attached to the body. It was very simple, a not very revealing neckline and with short sleeves.

Lena had always been a woman of the people. Simple, honest and humble. But on that moment, she looked like a lady from Sina.

"Dear God... This is almost bigger than the convent of Rose... I'm going to enter and lose the way out right after" Lena said still observing the great palace just in front of them. Jean, Connie and Sasha chuckled at what the gingerhead had said.

"It really is something else..." Armin also said almost in a whisper, almost blinded by all the luxury he was seeing.

The gingerhaired's eyes were on that magical place as well, but her heart still wondered and beat for Levi...

Just to think she was going to encounter him soon dressed in a beautiful tuxedo made her weak on her knees...And his hair, his soft dark hair matching the black tuxedo and his piercing greyish blue eyes illuminating with the moonlight.

God...She was already feeling the summer breeze hotter just by thinking of that...

"Well we have time to admire it inside! Our superiors are waiting for us as well as my pair" Lena took down her serious expression for for funny one and started pushing Jean and the others front "Chop chop come on!!"

The teenagers and the young adult entered in the gigantic garden that covered the palace. Huge trees with streetlights and beautiful swings with a lot of fireflies. It was a really pleasant night. Hot temperatures but a soft breeze on their face made feel much better.

Before climbing those stairs, there was Moblit, also dressed in a tuxedo. His brown hair was pushed back with hair gel. The brown haired soldier was also very handsome...

He looked at Lena and his heart seemed to stop completely at her sight. Probably wondering how on the Walls there was someone that beautiful...Was that even humanly possible?

"Good evening, good evening!!" Lena shouted happily at Moblit and gave her a friendly hug in front of the bottom of the stairs.

Moblit was blushed from his head to his chin...He didn't even had a reaction to that hug, only looking at the teenagers that were behind the gingerhead with his eyes widened. They all laughed in awkwardness of that scene.

Lena finally let him go and took another good look at them from head to toe.

"My look at you, Moblit!! You're a complete gentleman!" Lena laughed at her vision.

"Y-You l-look beautiful..." Moblit tried to say, but almost not being able to say any words at what he was seeing.

"Not bad for a dwarf, right?" Lena joked about her own height with a playful smile, feeling the excitement of already being in there with the people she loved the most.

"Now that the whole crew is together, let's enter come one!" Jean said, pushing the gingerhead by touching her shoulders.

"God, you sure are a hasty bean aren't you Jean?" Lena laughed excitedly. Then she turned her face to Moblit who still looked like he had seen a ghost, only instead of pale, he was completely red "Let's go!!"

They started climbing the big stairs to enter in the enormous palace. At the door, there were two MP's checking the names of the guests. The moment they noticed them, disgust expressions could be seen on their faces, making the cadets glare at them. Lena sighed, already feeling the tension between them...

"Well...And you kids are...?" The MP asked arrogantly, making the cadets look in his eyes in anger. Already sensing the start of an argument, Moblit decided to step in.

"Moblit Bernet. Lena is with me" Moblit spoke, looking at the gingerhead still with blush on his cheeks "We're all from the Scout Regiment"

The MP took his eyes off the soldiers and started searching for their names on the list as long as each one of them said it. There were three lists, which were all divided by each military division: The Scout Regiment, the Military Police and the Garrison. The soldier observed the names and luckily, or maybe not so much, the Scout Regiment was the shortest one, so it was easier to find their names.

"Alright, here they are" The MP circled his names with his pencil "You may enter, enjoy the night"

The cadets started, ignoring the MP and walking firmly with confidence and boldness. When they walked inside, their mouths and eyes went opened. The inside was even bigger than what it looked at the outside. It was full of lights and people walking around, drinking cups of champagne and chatting. Enormous chandeliers in the ceiling full of paintings and gigantic stairs that led to the ballroom. Everything in there shouted imposing and outstanding.

After they become amazed by all that luxury, they started walking front in order to climb the stairs for the ballroom.

"I don't think I've ever seen a room with this much artificial light..." Moblit mumbled to himself looking around everywhere.

"My eyes, man! I think I'm going blind!" Connie shouted as he and Sasha covered their eyes in pain.

"Why is there so much light??" Sasha complained after Connie.

"Keep it together, damn it! Don't you see it's because of the chandeliers and the gold?" Jean exclaimed, already getting embarrassed by being next to his two friends.

The guests were already looking at them with judgmental looks. MP's probably? But also maybe members of the royal court, or aristocrats.

"Truly amazing..." Armin said with his blue eyes wide opened, looking everywhere amazed with all of that luxury.

"Let's just get going" Eren replied while he saw all of the people that were next to them shocked with the sight they were seeing.

They all started to climb up the stairway that led to the entrance of the ballroom, their eyes still wandering everywhere inside of that palace.

Lena noticed some of the paintings that were headed on the walls next to stairway. Some of them had nuns, priests, saints, or simply artistic paintings. Those were truly beautiful, even just those walls that were painted in a clean white and ornamented with golden lines.

Then, the group encountered an immense balcony, from where they could see all of the ballroom. It was grandiose. An enormous table with all kinds of foods and drinks. A lot of soldiers chatting with each other and laughing, some of them already dizzy because of the drink, even if it was only the beginning of the night. And of course, the typical waltzes and group dancing, with the music playing by a small orchestra in the corner of the room.

Lena sighed. The gingerhead couldn't believe she was actually in surroundings like those. It all was exactly like what she imagined in the books that she read. Just like a fairy tale...

And speaking about fairy tales...There was the most beautiful knight in shining armor of them all...

Levi was dressed in a tuxedo suit. Only it was different from the ones dressed by the other men. The blazer was still black and so were the pants. The tuxedo shirt was white, just like the vest and the little detail of his usual cravat. His hair was still the same, dark and soft. On his face was dreadful expression, he was probably already tired by being in there for 20 minutes...

His eyes were still piercing, and with that artificial light it made them look less blue than they were. He looked at those people with a serious look. Lena loved to see him with his guard down and more vulnerable, but she couldn't deny his serious self was something else too. With his sharpened jawline, frowned eyebrows and piercing eyes made him look like the main character of a novel...

Lena sighed, feeling like she was going to faint just by looking at his handsome face...And dressed like that gave him more of a irresistible classy aura...

"Look, Captain Levi and Commander Hange are downstairs" Christa said to capture the group's attention.

The gingerhead was awaken from her trance and looked at the group that was behind her. Moblit was looking at her with a small smile, already sensing what was going on with her.

"Moblit I think I'm going to pass out..." Lena sighed quietly to the brown haired man, closing her eyes and feeling the warm raising on her cheeks, even if no one could see because of the foundation.

Why did he have to be the handsomest man on the Walls? She couldn't take it that way...

"Just stay calm" Moblit replied with a sad smile. Then he turned to the teenagers "Let's get down, shall we?"

"Look, who finaly arrived Levi!!" Hange shook the man who was drinking a cup of champagne.

Levi looked up and immediately choked on his drink as he looked to the stairway.

The gingerhead was climbing down the stairs with the same illuminated smile on her face. Her dress matched perfectly her bright blue eyes, her hair wasn't all styled, so her face was much more visible as the curls weren't in front of her face. Her eyes looked even bigger and her freckles were covered with that foundation that made her skin look much smoother than it was.

But besides all that, her true essence still remained. That woman never stopped being herself even in a fancy party like that...

Levi couldn't look at anyone else in that room. And the same was happening to Lena. Their eyes were meeting each other and couldn't look away. Like they were being hypnotized by each other's gazes.

"Good evening young people!!! Enjoying the party?" Hange asked in a smiley expression, taking Levi away from that hipnose.

When the raven haired noticed, she was already right in front of him with the other teenagers. His heart seemed like it was going to explode. He didn't know what to do or how to act, his legs were shaking and shaking and he could already feel the warm raising his cheeks.

"Good evening, Commander" Lena said, after the other soldiers. Then she turned her eyes to Levi, feeling her heart beating and beating as she looked at him "G-Good evening, Captain..."

"E-Evening good...I-I mean, g-good evening-" Levi tried to say, but ended breaking into stutters and more stutters. The soldiers looked at him with shocked looks on their faced at what just had happened. Levi, instead grunted embarrassed and turned his back on them "I-I'm going to get a drink"

The raven haired man ran over to the table of drinks to put on his glass more champagne, with one of his hands covering half of his face

Damn it, he needed to control himself. Just by being around her he felt weak on his knees. It was the beginning of the night and he already felt like taking his blazer off to cool himself. His cheeks were already so red people who looked at him would probably think he was already drunk.

But he wasn't, he was only hopelessly head over heals for a certain ginger haired woman...

Then, he looked at that scene again. Lena had came...She hadn't lied when she told him she really had a pair. And of course it had to be Moblit. Levi felt like cursing himself with all the words he could find. Just because he was an idiot when it came to emotions and he was too coward to invite her.

If he discovered his emotions earlier...He would be the one standing by Lena's smile. Being with her all night long. What if it was already too late? What if she wanted to be with them and not with him...? He had to be a coward, he had to ruin the one thing that made him feel alive...

The raven haired man turned his eyes back to them with a sorrowful expression.

The teenagers had already gone separate ways. Lena was chatting friendly with Hange with Moblit by their side. Once in a while, she wondered her eyes to the table of the drinks and their gazes met. Creating the same explosion it had always happened since the moment they had met...

Levi took a deep breath, another gulp of his champagne. Perhaps he was letting his insecurities take the best of him...But he didn't know what to do or what to act. He was afraid...Of being rejected. He had always thought it was strange to be afraid of rejection, but the truth was that he was frightened.

While the ginger haired woman was talking excitedly with Hange and Moblit, she took glances at Levi that was right next to the table of with the drinks. She didn't understand if he was doing that because he liked her or because he didn't want to get more attached to her...

Lena made a sorrowful expression...She didn't know how much she could take holding those emotions to herself. But she needed to handle them, or Levi would just get scared. The last thing she wanted was to make pressure on him and making him uncomfortable

"Lena?? Is that you??" A voice called from the gingerhead's back.

It was no other than her sister Louise. Brown hair perfectly styled, beautiful and shiny hazel eyes with the exact same shape as Lena's, just like the thin lips and the little nose. She was dressed in a fancy blue ball gown, just like a Lady of Sina got dressed.

"Louise!!!" Without thinking twice, the gingerhead ran towards her sister with a giant smile on her face.

They hadn't seen each other in months, even before Lena arrived to the Scout Regiment. They wrote a lot to each other, especially since Louise was very worried for Lena's suddenly change of plans. And she was probably going to be even more shocked after the freckled cheeks telling her she wasn't going back to the convent.

"Finally, Levi. You were taking forever!" Hange giggled as Levi got closer to the table. She knew exactly what was going one and Levi felt like he was going to die.

"Tch there was only the sweet champagne, I prefer the brute I had to wait some minutes" Levi stated, trying his hardest not to look at the ginger haired woman.

"That was just about that what we were talking about. This champagne is amazingly delicious!! I'm on the 5th glass and we only came in 20 minute" Hange asked, taking another gulp of her glass.

"Hange, be careful. You know what happened the last time you got drunk in a party like this" Moblit adviced, the events of the last time passing by inside his head.

"Give me a break, Moblit my dear. You're making it seem like I just started insulting everyone that got in my way!" The brunette laughed.

"That was exactly you did, Hange"

"Ohh that's right I did that, didn't I?! I even called one of the MP's a fucking raised crested rooster!! That night was truly amazing!!" Hange laughed and laughed without stop. Not because of the alcohol, but because of the eccentric person she was.

"Amazing to embarrass the fuck out of the Scout Regiment that was..." Levi mumbled to the side, not even wanting to recall that night's events "Even Erwin got mad at you"

"God you're a bunch of boring people I swear!!" Hange rolled her brown eyes smiling and adjusting her tuxedo shirt. "And you just came when Lena left...Isn't that lady Herr Schmidt's wife?"

"Yeah...Lena's sister" Levi commented, as well looking at the two women embracing each other.

Levi recalled the gingerhead telling him about her. She wasn't lying when she said they looked very different from each other. And if he remembered well, their personalities weren't also very similar. But they looked like sisters, indeed. Their smile were the exact same and so was the way their eyes shined.

"Really? But she looks much older than her" Moblit said, turning himself to face the raven haired Captain.

"Tch if I'm saying they're sisters it's because I know they are, Berner" Levi replied harshly looking at the brown haired man with sharpened eyes.

Bad enough he had taken her to the ball, he dared to thought that he knew more about her than Levi did. The raven haired man knew he couldn't take his frustration onto Moblit, after all he had done nothing wrong. But he couldn't help it feeling completely insecure about it...

Moblit was a very good soldier, loyal and kind. It would be no wonder the ginger haired woman would choose the brown haired man over him. Not to mention he was taller...His deepest insecurities couldn't help but to pop out every time.

"I-I'm sorry I didn't mean to say that. It was just a comment" Moblit tried to defend himself as he felt Levi's piercing eyes on him.

The raven haired man said nothing, instead continuing looking at the freckled cheeks talking excitedly with her sister. She looked so happy...Her smile and shiny eyes could really warm the darkest heart on the Walls.

"Good evening, gentlemen" A voice said, coming from the other side of the ballroom.

It was the figure of two men. A tall brown haired one, probably around his 30's, with a stubble and a big nose, dressed in only a tuxedo shirt and dark blazer. And right next to them, there was a blonde man with hazel eyes in a wheel chair made of wood.

Levi recognized both of them. The taller one was Raymond Wagner, a famous writer who wrote poems along with his wife Lillian. He was a bit eccentric, but very charming and intelligent. And the other one was no other than Herr Schmidt, Louise's husband and Lena's brother-in-law.

"Good evening!! Raymond, I'm glad to see you here! I didn't think you were having patience to deal with military people again!!" Hange exclaimed, shaking the tall man's hands.

"Hange Zöe, I can't quiet down my anarchist tendencies. But you know I always make an exception for the Scout Regiment. Captain Levi, how are you?" Raymond reached his hand to the raven haired man Captain and he took it suspiciously.

Levi made an effort to not go away right on that moment. He didn't have nothing personal against that man, but he couldn't stand his talking that seemed like it had been taken away from an anthology. And the conversation always ended up about philosophy, poetry and how art was so devalued in the society they lived in. A bit out of this world, but he wasn't full of himself like the other rich bastards.

"I've been the same, nothing much" Levi just answered, trying his hardest not to roll his eyes at that man's handshake.

"Ah, I see you're the same prince hidden in a skiff of a ice, waiting for the kiss of fire that will melt your Walls..." Raymond declared with an expressive and musical voice, smirking at the raven haired man.

"I knew I heard that phrase from somewhere, Hange is always saying that" Moblit smiled, being the next to shake the tall man's hand.

"And I always give the proper credit!!! Or not..." The brunette whispered the last sentence to Levi who only made a tch.

"Raymond, you're not poking your nose in Captain Levi's business again are you?" Herr asked with a sweet smile as he came closer to the group of soldiers.

"Officer Schmidt!! We haven't seen in ages, how are you??" The crazy scientist shook his hand excitedly.

"I've been good. Nothing much to do expect taking care of my kids...I lost a purpose when I got injured but soon found a new one" Herr replied with a hoarse laugh.

Now that was a man Levi liked to talk to...

Herr Schmidt was one of the men who had most taught him when he arrived the Scout Regiment, even if it was only for a month. From an aristocrat family, he had a purpose to fight and we wanted to actually contribute to Humanity's victory, unlike his other idle family. And even after he retired, he continued supporting the Scouts like he was still an officer.

It was a big loss for both the Scout Regiment and for Herr as well.

"Captain, how are you?" Herr shook his hand and Levi gladly took it.

"I've been the same. Cutting off shitty Titans..." The raven haired man looked at the side.

As all those soldiers were having formal conversation, the ginger haired woman was also having an amazing talk with her sister Louise.

They had talked about everything. Since Lena's adventure as a nurse of the Scout Regiment until Louise's second child. She had missed her dear sister so much...

Lena had to admit they weren't the closest on their youth. The gingerhead was working to sustain their mother and she got offended when none of her siblings contributed it so much, even if they had money to do it. It turned out that, after the fall of Wall Maria, they got closer again and were regretted for not being able to help their mother while they could. And Lena, with a little bit of difficulty, but being the forgiver she was, she decided to draw a line under that. Especially because she knew there wasn't much else they could do while their mother was alive. 

"I have to say, when I read that letter I got more scared than a bunny in a cauldron full of boiling water" Louise's sweet voice giggled, still with her hands intertwining with Lena's "I swear, you were always the crazy of the family"

"I might be a crazy but you can bet your entire mansion that I wouldn't have done it any other way!" The ginger haired gave little jumps of excitement and with a smile from ear to ear.

"That's a really weird thing to say about the Scout Regiment...Are you sure you're not just trying to cope all of those losses?" Louise asked raising an eyebrow in suspicion.

"For God's sake Lou, it almost seems like your husband is not addicted to the Scout Regiment as well!" Lena laughed at her older sister's comment "It's true that it's very hard but...I wouldn't have done any other way. This is God's will for me, I'm sure of it..."

"Is Peter at last replying to your letters?" The elegant woman asked.

Lena immediately let go the hands of her sister...

When the gingerhead had first arrived in the Scout Regiment, she had written a letter to Louise, Patricia and Peter. Her sister and friend had replied maybe a week later and continued writing to each other through letters. But her older brother...There was no sign of it.

Lena should have suspected that...Peter was always against the Scouts, God knew why. He couldn't stand even being in the same street as them without saying some rude comments. But she was expecting him at least to be supportive about her new decision. The freckled cheeks was very naive...Peter despised the Scouts.

"No...He is not..." Lena lowered her head sorrowfully "The last time I spoke to him it was a few weeks before I left the convent...After that, not even a sign of him..."

"That Peter never changes....It's impressive..." Louise said also in a melancholic tone of voice.

The new that Louise was going to marry Herr also wasn't a pill very easy to swallow. Peter and her had multiple fight about that subject and to that day, their older brother had still a prejudice against him. Even if he had already retired, even if he was on a wheelchair...Peter didn't care. He was a Scout, and would always be a Scout.

Lena didn't even want to remember the discussions they used to have.

"I guess our family's destiny is the Scout Regiment, as much as Peter doesn't like it" Lena smiled at her older sister, trying to lighten up the mood "Wait until he finds out about the details of my adventures...."

"Ohh? Details? What kind of details are you talking about?" Louise asked, raising one of her thick brown eyebrows.

The gingerhead looked down, embarrassed to admit that she had also fallen in love with a scout...She knew her sister's reaction would be laughing at Peter's cruel fate.

"Wait a minute...I know that face. You got a man in there didn't you?" Louise asked maybe too loud than the ginger haired woman wanted to.

"SHHH!" Lena covered her mouth so that no one could hear the conversation they were having. Then she looked at her older sister with a silly smile "I didn't get any man...It was more like a man got me and my heart..."

Just like she was expecting, Louise's reaction was to burst out laughing. They had made an habit to make fun of Peter's weird ideas. And it was funny, considering how much close Louise and him were when they were younger, since Lena was almost 10 years younger than them. On that moment, the two sisters got much more along than the older brother. The reason being her marriage to Herr.

But nevertheless they loved Peter, and more than anything in the Walls, they wanted to go back to the way they were.

"You really are the craziest of us three...Mom and dad were right all along!" Louise caressed her cheek playfully, as she remembered the way their parents used to call Lena a sneaky little misfit with dreams bigger than the Walls.

"It's not my fault...I just fell in love. That was it..." Lena gave her a small smile, the red cheeks not being shown because of the foundation "Another headache for Peter..."

"He is going to lose his mind...When I married Herr he had already retired and his reaction was what it was" Louise smiled awkwardly at that situation "I wish all the luck for you, Lena...It won't be easy..."

"That's for sure! I mean...If we ever get together...I don't even know if that's going to happen..." Lena lowered her head in sorrow.

"He doesn't like you?" Louise asked with sad eyes.

"It's not that...He's very closed off with his emotions and...Sometimes I wonder if he doesn't want to get attached" Lena said, being completely sincere in what she was feeling "So I don't know if I should step in, I don't know if I should give him space to not scare him away...All I know is if I keep hiding my feelings much for longer I'm going to explode..."

"Well...Then tell him everything. If a person truly loves another, those feelings become harder and harder to hide under your heart" Louise explained and the gingerhead listened attentively "Just like you said, there is going to a time when we reach a point that we can't do it anymore"

Lena looked down...

She knew if she continued keeping her feelings away from Levi much longer by trying to figure out what he truly feels wouldn't change anything. On the contrary, she would eventually explode and telling him everything she felt for him in a pump. But at the same time...She didn't want to make pressure on him...She knew how Levi was with emotions...

"Hey, Lena don't put on that face" Louise's hand reached to the gingerhead's cheeks and she gave her a kind smile "Just like dad always told us...If it's mean to happen it's going to happen..."

Lena returned her gesture with another tight hug. She had missed her older sister giving her advice...

"I missed you so much, Lou..." Lena embraced tightly and Louise returned it even tighter.

"Me too, you little baby..." The brown haired woman chuckled at the gingerhead's always touchy person...

The freckled cheeks smiled through the tight hug...Louise was a wonderful sister who deserved everything in the world. Above all of the social status she now had, she was a good wife and amazing mother. Herr was sure lucky for having found such a great woman, just like she was for having found such a great man.

They separated from themselves and Louise held her hands one more time...Despite the difference of the hair and the eyes, there was no wonder that their smiles were exactly the same. Sometimes Lena forgot how lucky she was that her siblings were still around.

"Lena! Commander Erwin is calling us to go to the other side of the ballroom" Moblit said, walking towards the ginger haired from the area he was in. Then he noticed Louise giving him a smirk "A-Ah, good evening. My name is Moblit, you're Lena's sister right?"

"The one and only" Louise shook the brown haired man's hand while smiling.

"Louise, this is Moblit. He's a friend and my pair for the ball. He is the sweetest person you will ever meet, even sweeter than sugar. Moblit, this is Louise, my beautiful sister" Lena said smiling at the two of them.

"Ohh so you're Lena's 'friend'..." Louise smirked with her hazel eyes shining.

"Uh...Yes?" Moblit asked, frowning his eyebrows in confusion.

"N-No! Louise, it's not him" Lena whispered on her sister's ear, already embarrassed for that scene"

"Oh, dang it...Nice to meet you, Moblit. Thank you for taking my little sister to this ball. It's always been her dream since she was a little girl" Louise said with a sweet smile on her face.

"I-It was my pleasure...Your sister is a great help for the Scout Regiment. It was more than fair that she came" The brown haired man said, looking at the ginger haired woman. "Lena we should go, Commander Erwin wants us in there"

"R-Right. See you later, Lou" Lena held her sister's hand one more time with a big smile and started walking with Moblit towards the garden.

They all gathered on the left edge of the giant ballroom, in a more isolated part. Right next to the place where those ancient busts made of marble and architecture columns that seemed like they were taken away from ancient Greece.

Erwin, Levi and Hange, as well as the youngest soldiers were all there with cups of champagne. Sasha obviously eating those fancy foods that they had in the event.

"Oh, goodnight Elena. I'm glad you could make it" Erwin, said smiling to the gingerhead.

"Goodnight, sir. I'm very very happy to be here" Lena replied showing the big smile of hers again.

Levi was leaned to one of the big architectonic columns. His eyes faced the gingerhead discreetly, and so did she. It was funny how they just couldn't take their eyes of his each other for so long.

"It looks like you all have been having fun. Some of the veterans were supposed to be supervising Annie Leonhart's actions, but it seems like she's not in here" Erwin raised an eyebrow in suspicious.

"One more excuse for us to have more fun!" Hange laughed with her cheeks already red from the alcohol. 

Suddenly, the orchestra started to play a different song.Everyone in the ballroom started dancing with each other a very strange choreography. No one of the youngest soldiers could recognize it.

"Wait, what song is this?" Reiner asked, curious of seeing all the people dancing in what it looked to be a pretty difficult dancing "That dance sure is a little weird"

"It's a famous folk dance from the interior. Me and my friends back in Shingashina used to dance it all the time" Lena replied, remembering the times when she used to dance that song with Adam and her childhood boy friends with nostalgia and longing

Suddenly, Erwin came closer to the the gingerhead with a smile on his face, making everyone look at him with a surprised look on their face. Including Levi.

Tapping on the gingerhead's shoulder, the blonde haired Commander made bowed.

"Mr. Haustler, may I have this dance?" Erwin asked, leaving everyone with a surprised and shocked expressions. Lena had the most surprised of them all, but soon gave Erwin a big smile.

Levi opened widely his eyes, not knowing exactly what to feel about that situation.

"I'd be delighted, Commander" Lena replied, making a courtesy and giving the blonde haired man an excited smile.

"The Commander's going to dance??" Moblit exclaimed as well surprised by what was happening.

"Ohh...Unfortunately you can't kill this one, Levi" Hange teased the raven haired man, who rolled his eyes.

"Have you noticed that the only thing that comes from your mouth is shit, four eyes?"

The pair waited for the music to start from the beginning, and made all of the first courtesies. Then, they started dancing. 

The tiny jealously he had felt at the beginning had disappeared while he watched Lena and Erwin dancing. It was kind of strange, but also comforting. Maybe because it showed that the two people he trusted the most besides Hange got along. And especially that Erwin did liked Lena as a person. He valued his opinion a lot, and it felt good knowing he also liked her...

But Levi did got sad for not being the one who was dancing with the gingerhead...But he didn't know how to and would be too embarrassed to do it.

The pair stopped dancing and made another courtesy. The soldiers started clapping with smiles on their faces. The height difference between the nurse and the Commander was astonishing, making it even funnier to watch.

"Dear God...What a nostalgia dancing this..." Lena sighed with a smile, going back to being in the middle of Moblit and Eren "And Commander! I would never guess you had a such a full dance card!"

"I also used to dance this a lot in my teenage" Erwin replied, his blue eyes shining brightly with a lot of memories going back on his heart.

Levi continued leaning on the column with a an emotionless expression.

Lena took a look at the raven haired man...

He wasn't looking at anybody, instead he was only looking at the ground. She wondered if he liked to see her dance. The gingerhead doubted he was jealous, Erwin was Levi's most trusted man. Then why did he look so thoughtful and didn't look at her?

The freckled cheeks took another sigh in sorrow...There was now words to explain how regretted she was for lying to Levi about the ball. The atmosphere had been so distant and weird between the two of them since that night. And Lena hated it...

"I think I'm going outside to have some fresh air" Lena said with sad eyes as she turned her back on the soldiers and walked towards the big doors that led to backyard garden

She wasn't taking it anymore. She had no idea what to do or what to feel...What Levi wanted, what he didn't want...If the freckled cheeks didn't control herself she was going to explode all of her feelings in the raven haired's face, just like Louise had said. And the last thing she wanted was to scare him even more...

Being by herself and breathing some fresh air of the night would help her to calm herself down.

"Wait, Lena let me go with you" Moblit called her, already worried about her sudden change of mood.

"Leave her" The raven haired man grabbed the section helper's shoulder while he attempted to go look for her "If she wants to be alone then let her"

Moblit finally gained courage and faced Levi with his eyebrows frowned.

"Captain Levi...With all the respect may I tell you something?" Moblit started, still with a serious expression.

The raven haired man looked back to where Hange, Erwin and youngest soldiers were. They probably wouldn't hear anything from there. Not like it wasn't any secret, that was the exact problem. They wouldn't stop bothering him, especially with Hange's teasing.

"Go for it" Levi simply answered with one of his eyebrows raised.

Moblit took a deep breath, ready to tell the Captain everything he was thinking.

"I'm not sure if you notice but I'm in love with Lena. I've been since the first time I saw her. And that's not going to change at least for now" Moblit started, so much blunt that he made the raven haired Captain opening better his blue grey eyes "I already know my feelings will never be reciprocated but even so there is some hope in my heart that they are"

"How do you know they're not-"

"I'm not finished yet" Moblit interrupted aggressively the Captain "I still have some hope in my heart because she is not with the person she truly loves. And because of that, I will always be by her side. Actually, I will always be by her side even if she doesn't love me..."

Levi stared at him in awe. Lena didn't love Moblit...But she loved someone. If it was him or not, he wasn't sure...But he cared less about it each time.

"I want to extinguish this little bit of hope that I still have. So if you have some respect for me, you will go to Lena and you will tell her your feelings for her because I know you have" Moblit argued, leaving the raven haired man completely speechless "Stop being a coward...You can kill three titans at a time but you can't deal with your own feelings?"

"Lena is also being a damn coward. If she loves this person she should just tell them straight up" Levi stroke back, frowning his eyebrows in frustration.

"I never said she wasn't one as well. In fact I was going to tell her just that. That you and her are two both cowards. She's not afraid of loving, but then she's so afraid of hurting everyone that she forgets about herself" Moblit replied, always honest and blunt "And you know what? Do whatever you want. I just don't want to anybody to get hurt. We have more things to think about, like capturing the female Titan and keeping Hange from getting drunk"

Levi opened slightly his mouth in shock...

The way Moblit was right in absolutely everything he had said was scary, but also showed the empathetic and transparent person he was. As well as his emotional intelligence. His conversation all pointed out to the fact that Levi and Lena were in fact feeling the same for each other. Still, there was no certainty.

But Levi couldn't care less about it.

"Tch think it's already too late...Hange is already insulting everyone. Keep an eye on her for me" Levi replied, with a more at ease look on his face "I appreciated this chit chat, Bernet. But don't forget that you're still my subordinate. A little more respect, alright?"

"Y-Yes, sir. I'm sorry for being too blunt" Moblit turned back to his embarrassed self.

"You escape this time" The raven haired man replied, starting walking towards the backyard garden.

Levi had made his final decision, he was going to tell her everything. Everything that was stuck on his throat. He couldn't care less about anything anymore, in fact, all he needed was that little push from Moblit.

He was going to find her and telling her everything, not caring about its consequences....

...

Lena was sitting on a stoned bench, lost on that amazingly grande garden.

It truly was a beautiful summer night. The moonlight reflected her pale skin and blue eyes and there were fireflies flying around everywhere. The backyard was full of a fragrant grass and flowers, as well as bushes from all shapes and sizes. It was warm for a night, but it still was a fresh breeze and surrounding by all of that nature made the ginger haired feel more relaxed.

"I talk badly about people who are afraid to love and guess what I'm doing now" Lena complained to herself as she grabbed the blue fabric of her dress "My ideas are more confused than...I don't even know. If I confess I might hurt him, if I don't I might hurt him...And there is probably even a third option that I still didn't figure out!"

The freckled cheeks supported her head on her hand, that was supported on her legs. Looking front, she just wondered what she could possibly do to make that situation less complicated.

Levi walked carefully through the garden, wandering his eyes around it in order to find the gingerhead. Then, he heard a voice and stepped closer to the left. Right after a bush, there she was sitting on a bench and talking to herself. The woman in the blue dress.

"All I know is that the next time I see him that I'm going to explode. I'm going to tell him everything. All I want and all I don't want..." The freckled cheeks complained to herself, with a sad expression and still on the same position she was.

"Big mouth?"

The ginger haired woman's heart started beating faster and faster as she listened to that voice.

Lena turned around, still sitting on the bench, and came across with Levi standing up right behind her, next to a bush. His features in the moonlight looked even more beautiful, if that wasn't even humanly possible.

"C-Captain? W-What are you doing here?" Lena asked with her blue eyes widened, her heart beating faster than a Titan running a marathon.

The raven haired man admired the way she looked...Her moonlight reflected her pale skin and made her eyes even bluer. She looked like an absolute angel...

"Why do you think? You said you were going to take a fresh air and didn't come back. Did you get lost or something?" Levi asked sarcastically, as he stepped to be right in front of her.

"W-Well I didn't come back because I wanted to stay here more time. Look at this place, after all. Isn't it beautiful?" Lena replied, letting a sad smile.

"I'm going to pretend I believe you..." Levi sighed rolling his eyes. Then he looked the way she had her head lowered while she stared at her black sabrinas "By the way... You and Moblit-"

"Don't start. We just came as friends. Moblit is one of the sweetest people I know but we don't have anything..." Lena embraced herself, feeling very vulnerable in that situation.

"I didn't even say anything. I was just surprised to see you weren't lying after all. I'm sorry if I offended you..." Levi lowered his head. He probably shouldn't have thought or said all those things to her...He probably had really offended her, but all of that situation just seemed suspicious.

The ginger haired woman said nothing, instead she continued looking at her black sabrinas...Her blue eyes were becoming sadder and sadder each second. Filled with guilt, regret and sorrow.

She couldn't take it anymore...

"I was lying..." Lena finally said, capturing again Levi's attention "Moblit asked me after I told you that I already had a pair...He was just the sweetest angel on the Walls to go with me that was all..."

Levi opened more his eyes. After all,  he was right. That had really been a lie...

"I knew it..." Levi said quietly with a softer expression, almost with a smile. "I can't believe you lied like that... Why did you even do it?"

Lena cleaned the tears that were forming on her eyes and got up from the bench, turning her back on Levi. She didn't have courage to face him like that...If she did, she was going to explode and she didn't want to scare him off. That was the last thing she wanted to do...

"I did it without thinking..." Lena embraced her arms "I was impatient, sad, frustrated... So many emotions that I felt like I was going to explode faster than a bottle of champagne..."

Levi took a few steps front and stood behind her. Only seeing her thick orange braid and softer curls falling down her blue dress.

"Why were you feeling all those emotions?" Levi asked in a whisper, but it was loud enough for the gingerhead to hear him.

Then Lena gained courage to turn at him. He was looking at her with such warm eyes that they didn't even feel like they belonged to the same person. The moon, the dark of the night and the fireflies made them look even bluer than they were with the artificial light of the ballroom.

She couldn't take it anymore...The bomb was starting to count.

"Because...I" Lena tried to say, her foundation not being able to hide the blush that was forming on her cheeks "Because I wanted you to invite me yourself...And...Maybe by saying I already had a pair you would be regretted that it was too late and then-"

"Lena, is this only about the ball?" Levi interrupted her, with a warm yet husky tone that made the gingerhead go crazy.

Lena shook her head in negation.

"No...It's about so much more..." Lena said, looking deeply into his eyes.

There it was...

The explosion.

"I am in love with you... I am utterly hopelessly completely in love with you..." Lena finally said, such a desperate and intense way that anyone could notice her sincerity and despair. Then she came closer and looked even more deeply into his eyes, with hers reflecting all the love she felt for him "My Captain Ice Cube..."

With that sentence, Levi's heart was filled with a warm and a light that he had never felt. He didn't think he had ever felt that happy on his entire life. Lena loved him. And she was saying that right in front of his eyes. It wasn't any dream, he wasn't hallucinating. All of that was real life, all of that was happening.

Without thinking twice, the raven haired man grabbed and both of her cheeks and pressed his lips on hers...In a tender, full of caring, worry and love kiss...And how long he had waited to do that...

Lena's reaction was to immediately kiss him back. Her heart beat so fast, but at the same time she was so at peace. Levi's lips were so soft, it felt like time had stopped. The whole world seemed to stop. There weren't any Titans, any scouts, any walls any humanity... Just the two of them, loving each other....

They continued deepening the kiss until the lack of air. Then, they stood there with their faces and noses together...

But once the gingerhead noticed what was going on, she covered her mouth with her eyes wide opened, yet shining like the stars on the sky, her face red from her forehead to her chin...

"B-B-But b-but w-what is wrong w-with y-you?" Lena tried to say almost breaking into stutters, not sounding mad, but instead just extremely embarrassed "K-K-Kissing s-someone like-like that...D-Do you want t-to take a-all the a-air I have l-left or what???"

"You're an absolute dumbass..." Levi whispered, putting their foreheads even closer "I'm also in love with you... So in love..."

The gingerhead was almost crying at what the raven haired Captain was saying...

Levi loved her. And he was the one who had told her that. He was the one who started the kiss...

Could that mean that she would be finally able to love him freely?

On that time, she was the one who pressed their lips together.

In a more passionate and loving way... Lena wrapped her arms around his neck and Levi put his around his waste...They started to feel a warmth and a light around them, while the sounds of the kisses filled the silence in that peaceful night.

They separated each other again, and the impossible happened... Lena had to open more her eyes to see if that was what she actually seeing...

Levi was smiling.

And it wasn't a smirk, or half of a smile. It was a genuine smile...He was even showing slightly his teeth.

The gingerhead also a smile and the tears falling from her eyes were becoming deeper each second. If that wasn't heaven, that she was sure it was the closest to it...

Levi smiling wasn't something from this world... It was something from other world, way more beautiful and pure than this one...

"What is this?? Are you..." Lena took away her hands from around his neck and caressed his cheeks, feeling Levi's strong arms around her waist "Are you smiling?? You're smiling!!!"

"I'm smiling because... Because I love you" Levi left her waist and got his hands on her cheeks, caressing them. He looked deeply into her eyes "And I finally allowed myself to be happy... Without fear, without regrets... All because of you..."

"This.... This doesn't sound at all like Captain Ice Cube..." Lena giggled.

"I'm speaking from my heart... Something I've never been able to do..." Levi sighed, still giving her his own smile "So I ask you this... Will you give me a chance... To try to be happy with you?"

"I'm yours... All yours, Captain..." She whispered. The gingerhead leaned her faced towards his, only feeling each other's warmth.

"Drop the Captain... I want you to be with Levi and with Levi only..." He replied, whispering as well.

Lena sighed, closing her eyes and kissed all of his beautiful face. Since his forehead, to his nose, to his cheeks and finally stopping at his lips.

Pressing their lips together as again, the raven haired man deepened it using his tongue and almost taking all of Lena's air. He responded with soft moans she with sighs, hearing perfectly the sound of the kisses.

She felt like she was in cloud 9...

"Careful... If you continue kissing me like that... I'm going to pass out right here and now...!" Lena sighed, breathless giggling with ecstasy. Then she embraced his waist tightly, feeling all of his warmth "I love you more than all of the stars in the sky...Levi"

Levi flushed at that gesture and the way she said his name. He still wasn't the used to the caring and tender person that Lena was... But he did felt good... He embraced her awkwardly as well, only feeling her warmth and smelling her beautiful hair.

"For here you are standing there, loving me
Whether or not you should

So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good..." the ginger haired sang quietly with her face drown on his strong chest, as she embraced him with all the strength she had...

And there they stood... Both of them in that beautiful garden, only feeling each other's warmth and love.

And the night that was supposed to be about dresses and dancing, ending up being much more magical...

Nothing comes from nothing
Nothing ever could

So somewhere in my youth
Or childhood
I must have done something
Something  good

Chapter Text

Lena and Levi tried to go back inside, after that confession and those desperate and loving kisses. Walking towards the building, they looked everywhere to see where the entrance was,the gingerhead had just to go almost to the middle of it. Finding the ballroom was being an impossible mission.

"Wait, wait, Lena" Levi said, holding her hand, as she walked across the garden.

The gingerhead woman stopped walking and turned herself to him again. Her hair was messier and her lipstick wasn't there anymore due to the kissing of before. Levi couldn't lie, he wanted to do much more and seeing her like that completely drawn to him drove him crazy. But he knew that Lena didn't have much experience in those things, especially because she spent 5 years in a convent without 'carnal temptations'.

But she was still a breathing woman and not any pure saint without desire after all, and he wanted to believe that she was attracted to him. But Levi would take things slow, he didn't want to scare her off. Even if he had to resist those same temptations.

"What?"

"I don't think we should officialize...Whatever we have right now..." Levi bluntly tried to explain himself but ended up sounding a little confuse. "There's just too much going on..."

Lena frowned her thick dark orange eyebrows in confusion. 

"Officialize? Is love a position in the military like a commander, captain or those things you have or something? Why do we have to officialize anything?" The ginger haired woman replied, obviously not understanding anything that Levi was talking about.

"No, Lena you're not understanding what I mean" Levi chuckled quietly. Then he took a sigh, as he came closer to her and just admired her features in the moonlight "What I mean is...We shouldn't be opened to our relationship very much on these days...Not only it can be dangerous to your safety, but I also don't like public displays very much"

"Ohh..." Lena rolled her blue eyes, feeling an absolute idiot for not understanding what Levi was meaning at first. Then, she gave him a small smile and shiny eyes, swinging slowly her body  "Well, that's fine to me. What happens with the two of us should stay with the two of us...As long as you don't try to hide it"

"Tch why would I ever do that?" Levi asked with his right eyebrow raised.

"I don't know...To make yourself look more like a Captain Ice Cube?" Lena gave him a big awkward smile and shrugged her shoulders.

"You're an idiot" The raven haired man shook his head with a small smirk. Lena only smiled sweetly at him and gave him those puppy eyes of hers.

"Well...But you do like this idiot don't you?" She whispered, eyeing up and down the features of his face...His lips shined with the moonlight, and so did his pale skin. The way those eyes stared  warmly and her drove her insane...

"I would be lying if I said I didn't..." Levi sighed, admiring her beautiful face under the moonlight.

"Then would you give me another kiss?" Lena asked with a playful smile on her face and bright shiny eyes.

"You sure do like kissing don't you?" Levi asked with a small smile.

"I love kissing. Especially kissing you..." The gingerhead lowered shyly her eyes with her cheeks completely red.

Saying nothing else, the raven haired man pressed their lips together one more time. His tongue asked for an entrance to which Lena happily allowed and they started to explore each other's lips.

Lena thought that feeling was so wrong but at the same time so right... She never noticed how long she had waited to do that...

The air was eventually finishing so finished the kiss with small pecks, more like Lena started it because of her more tender persona.

Then, the gingerhead woman put her eyes on his face one more time... She caressed his cheeks with her hands and just admired how beautiful he was...

"I just noticed... If you want to be that discreet you better take that red lipstick from your face" The gingerhead woman giggled at the face Levi did at that comment.

"Ah, damn it..." Levi took a napkin from his suit and tried to clean the shades of red on his face.

Lena only admired how he looked...

She couldn't deny that her lip marks on his cheeks and red shade covering his lips made him look attractive, just as his messier hair and eyes that seemed like wanting to devour her soul. Even if sometimes he just looked so dizzy that it was too sweet...

The gingerhead sighed biting her lower lip as she admired him under the moonlight... She was the happiest women on the Walls at that moment. Sometimes she wondered what made Levi fall in love with someone insignificant like her...

"Are you sure this is really what you want?" The raven haired asked, putting the napkin on his blazer again "I am not caring, or sweet, or romantic like you are. I was barely even alive until I met you...So why me?"

Lena opened her blue eyes... Levi was feeling the exact same way she was feeling. Did he not see the person he truly was?

"Levi, don't be silly...I fell in love with the person that you are you...Don't you see the value you hold?" The gingerhead came closer and touched the side of his chest "I couldn't care less if you're not tender, or romantic or whatever. I just want you for you..."

The raven haired man felt more emotional than he thought he would at her response...

"Damn you... Now I'm getting embarrassed again..." Levi said covering his right cheek with the blush forming on his skin.

"It's so cute don't worry..." The gingerhead said, kissing his cheek one more time. Levi flushed again, he had a long way ahead before adjusting to that whole new thing "And if that makes you feel better I'm asking myself the same thing. How on the Walls can you want someone like? I'm  clumsy, always forgetting about things, I'm not elegant, or-"

"Alright you shut up I don't even want to hear anything else" Levi interrupted as he put one of his hands on her mouth.

"Exactly..." Lena replied, taking away his hand and holding hers onto his. She stared warmly at his beautiful features, studying him from his hair to his eyes to his nose and to his lips "We should just shut our mouths and just... Just love each other. Without explanations, without logic..."

"Tch you hopeless romantic brat..." Levi smirked.

"What? I'm speaking from my heart" Lena gave him the same puppy eyes and compassionate smiles. As she stared deeply at his soft gaze, completely drowning on their dark blue color "God...How was I suppose not to fall for those eyes of yours?"

The raven haired man shut the freckled cheeks up with another kiss on her lips. He caressed her cheeks and she put her hands on his chest, deepening even more the kiss. 

Levi couldn't be very good at affection or being tender. But if he was good at something was at those intense and devouring kisses. It drove her to cloud 9 and she could feel exactly his passion and fiery desire. To which she replied with the same amount...

His lips were so soft but at the same time it filled with such an electricity and magnetism it made her almost faint. 

She never wanted to leave them again...

"Alright..." Levi said, breaking the kiss to the ginger haired woman's misfortune "We need to get going. Or they'll probably prepare a search squad or some shit to get us"

"You're completely absolutely right..." Lena gave him a silly and in love smile "But please before that, promise me one thing..."

"As long as I can keep it..." Levi replied, his eyes shining like a thousand stars, even behind that look of despair and suffering.

"Promise you won't regret this...If you do, I-I don't even know I might throw a hissy fit and-" Lena tried to say.

"I try to never regret the choices that I make" Levi said, confident but at the same unsure "And I know I won't regret anything that comes to you. At least I'll try..."

Lena held both of his hands and caressed them with such a care and affection that made the raven haired Captain's beat so fast, but he wasn't nervous like before. Feeling his heart beating like that made him feel so alive, feeling the gingerhead's love made him feel so secure. He was risking so many things...They both were risking so many things.

But that was worth all risks of the world. Even if they wouldn't be like that together forever, just the thought they had been able, one day to love each other freely was enough to make them risk everything they had. Their sanity, their balance, their heart...

"Now move your ass, let's go back inside" Levi said with a small smile, tapping on her back so she could get moving.

"Alright, alright you hasty been! Geez!"

...

Inside the ballroom, the party seemed to cool down in comparison with the beginning of the night. There were less soldiers all around, others were too drunk and others just continued dancing and chatting. 

Sasha, Connie and Jean had already eaten all the food of the ball, Moblit had to put a scotch tape in Hange's mouth so she didn't say anything to the members of the Military Police since it would most likely to cause a fight, Reiner and Ymir were fighting to dance with Christa. Mike and Nanaba were struggling to supervise them since they had exaggerated on the drinks as well. Everything in the Scout Regiment was the same.

And, of course, there were Eren, Armin and Mikasa in the entrance of the building in from the backyard on a stoned bench, with glasses of water as they chatted with each other.

"Weird, we haven't seen Lena in a while" Eren commented, looking around everywhere.

"Didn't she went to the backyard?" Armin asked, taking a gulp of his glass of water.

"Yeah but that was a long time ago. I haven't seen her when he went inside" Eren said, with his eyebrows frowned in worry "I wonder if something happened..."

"Eren is right...What if something happened to her?" Mikasa suddenly turned her face towards the two boys. She had a worried expression on her face and her own eyes slightly widened at that thought.

"Well yeah that is strange...But I'm sure it's not anything serious" Armin gave them an awkward smile. Eren and Mikasa were probably overreacting.

"I would've believe it some minutes ago. But then I remembered that even Captain Levi went to look for her and still didn't come back" Eren crossed his arms and looked at the sky with worry on his voice "Maybe we should look for her ourselves..."

Armin's blue eyes widened at what Eren had said.

"Wait...Captain Levi went to look for her?" the blonde boy tried to ask without absolutely burst out laughing. Why was he already imagining the whole story?

"I'm not sure. When Lena left the Captain left too some moments later" Eren said, looking at Armin. Then, the brown haired boy turned his eyes to the ground and frowned his eyebrows in anger "I bet it was something that bastard said when we weren't looking...I swear if he did something to her and that's why she's not coming back I-"

Armin couldn't contain himself but to start laughing softly at what his friend had said. Sometimes he forgot that he was the only person who knew about all of Lena and Levi's 'case'. When Eren told him the raven haired man went to look for her in the garden all of the points were starting to come together. 

"What the hell, Armin? Lena is probably in danger and you're laughing?" Eren asked, with worry clearly present on his voice "I swear if this keeps up I'm going to look for her myself"

"Me too" Mikasa added, although looking at her pink bright dress.

The blonde haired boy continued chuckling. He kind of didn't understand why they couldn't see what was going on, but at the same time he did. In their eyes, Lena and Levi hated each others' guts.

"Don't worry. If Captain Levi is with her then she's safe" Armin tried to say and started cleaning the tears that were forming on his eyes due to the laughing "He's Humanity's Strongest soldier, he wouldn't ever do anything to her"

"You're forgetting that they wanted to cut each others' throats? Captain Levi probably said something that made Lena freak out like always and now they're fighting each other. I mean else could happen for them to be alone??" Eren asked already exalting with all of that situation.

Armin wanted to facepalm himself. Again, he understood that Eren wasn't looking at the situations with his own eyes. Because he knew, in fact, that something was happening between Levi and Lena. But Eren didn't, and that caused him to be completely clueless to the fact of what was happening on that moment.

"Unless..." Mikasa started started. The two boys gave her curious looks. The raven haired turned to them with her eyes slightly widened and blushed cheeks "Captain Levi is the one that Lena loves..."

"What?? What are you even saying Mikasa? Don't you remember Lena talking all bad things about him?" Eren replied completely shocked by what Mikasa was saying.

"Yes but that was before, they get along now. Haven't you noticed the way Captain Levi starts blushing and stuttering when Lena talks to him? And she looks like she is about to drool" Mikasa giggled, recalling all of their interactions when she was able to see how the raven haired man reacted to the freckled cheeks presence.

"I-I never really thought about that..." Eren replied with his green eyes widened at what the raven haired girl was saying. Then he put a hand on his head in a thoughtful expression "Man, that doesn't make any damn sense but at the same time it does..."

The brown haired boy wasn't sure about what to think about all of that information.

Lena and Levi hated each other, he had seen it with his own eyes. It felt like yesterday the moment when that crazy ginger haired woman tried to punch him furiously. Her eyes were full of a fiery anger, everything about him irritated her. And Eren didn't blame her, she had watched him getting beaten up by him and to add that, they couldn't be more different from each other. Levi couldn't stand her impulsiveness and sharp tongue and she couldn't stand his coldness and arrogance.

But now that Eren thought about it...Maybe those were the things that drawn them to each other.

Although, even if all that information messed with his head, if Mikasa's theory was correct, it made him feel calmer knowing that she was okay.

"What do you think, Armin?" Mikasa asked to the blonde haired boy. 

"I-I...I think it's a possibility-"

"Wait a damn minute" Eren interrupted him, finally putting all the points together "You knew that didn't you, Armin? That's why you started laughing when I said that before!"

Armin looked at the side with a suspicious expression. Should he tell them that he knew what was going on? He didn't want to break Lena's trust but...She did also trusted them more than anything.

"I did, okay..." Armin sighed with a small smile and his eyes closed "I found out some time ago and Lena confirmed that she liked Captain Levi. But she wasn't sure if he felt the same way"

"You knew and you didn't tell us?? Some friend you are!" Eren rolled his eyes in frustration.

"Eren, I'm sure Armin had a motive" Mikasa tried to calm Eren down as she put her hand on his shoulder.

"Yes, Lena asked me not to tell anyone. She wanted to make sure the Captain felt the same for her before" Armin replied, remembering perfectly the moment when he found out.

Her eyes were shining so brightly, the blush on her cheeks...Only someone as blind as Eren wouldn't suspect that there was something wrong with her. 

Suddenly, they heard footsteps coming from a far away tree in the middle of the garden

 Turning their heads towards that sound, the three friends widened their eyes when they saw a certain nurse and a certain Captain walking towards the entrance of the backyard. The ginger haired woman and the raven haired man started going until the porch but, as they saw, the three teens sitting in a stoned bench right next to the gates, they started blushing from their foreheads to their chins.

"H-Hello, sugarplums" Lena smiled sweetly and embarrassed at them as they climbed the little stairway that led inside the building.

The three friends took glances at each other and immediately started chuckling.

Lena and Levi looked at each other as well with worried expressions. They weren't expecting for them to be on that place precisely. They were probably already understanding the whole story. Not that they didn't trust the teens. Okay, maybe Levi didn't trust them after all he barely knew them, but Lena trusted them with her life.

"I'm going inside to see if four eyes doesn't get any drunker" Levi said, clearly awkward by that whole situation.

"Y-You do well. I'm staying with my sugarplums here" Lena tried to say. It would be a good opportunity for her to explain them what was going on. The gingerhead woman sat on the stoned bench in front of them and gave Levi a silly smile "See you later, Captain Ice Cube?"

The raven haired man nodded with his head and entered the building, a bit hesitated for leaving Lena.

The gingerhead watched him go away with her eyes shining brightly and smiling. She did looked completely in love. Anyone could notice in the way she looked at the stern Captain. Like she was was in a strange trance, like a fever dream. Had Levi hypnotize her?

How did I never noticed...?, Eren thought to himself as he observed Lena's eyes.

"Uh, Lena?" A voice asked, breaking her away from her trance.

The gingerhead looked at the three friends who only gave her curious eyes on their faces. Well...They probably already suspected what was going on. There was no reason to hide it from them anymore.

Lena only gave them an awkward smile, like she was saying 'Well, it is what it is'.

"Don't put up that stupid smile! We were starting to get worried something had happened to you!" Eren asked, frowning his eyebrows in suspicion "But after all you were safer than we thought..."

"You better not start thinking about dirty things, Eren!" Lena warned him with her eyebrows frowned, which made Armina and Mikasa want to laugh.

"Hey I didn't say anything like that. And you also didn't tell us that you liked the Captain" The brown haired boy grouched, looking at the side and frowning his eyebrows. Then, he crossed his arms looking even grumpier.

"T-That means that...That you already know?" Lena asked with a worried expression. She wasn't expecting them to find out right on that day "And can you tell me how did you find out? Armin if it was you...I swear I will pick up a pan and fry you like a croquette!!"

"H-hey I swear I didn't tell anyone!" Armin said, putting his arms in front of his face, due to seeing an angry gingerhead right in front him.

"Armin didn't tell us anything, dumbass. We figured out by ourselves" Eren said with a smirk, seeing the gingerhead's blushed face "Actually, Mikasa was the one...Then Armin gave us the confirmation..."

Lena took a long sigh and looked at her black sabrinas one more time...

"I'm sorry, sugarplums...I swear I didn't want you to find out like that..." The gingerhead said sorrowfully, feeling guilty for not telling them anything. Then she embraced herself and looked at the side "But why are you giving that importance to this subject? God, it almost seems like it's something from the moon"

"Well, maybe because it's you and our Captain? You and Levi wanted to kill each other maybe two months ago" Eren replied sarcastically.

"That's completely different! W-We had just met and besides he had beaten you up in front of everyone. What? Did you expect me to look at a man using you as a kicking bag and fall in love at first sight??" Lena asked, this time putting her hands on her waist confidently. 

"I just don't understand how you can love the Captain after he beat Eren up in the deliberation" Mikasa asked with her eyebrows frowned.

"Mikasa, you know well he didn't have a choice. It was either that or they would shoot Eren like he was a quail. At first I also thought he didn't have to go that far, but now I understand that it was something very very much necessary" Lena replied, also looking at the raven haired girl with a more serious expression

"H-Hey, you're both making me seem like a baby who always needs to be protected" Eren commented, already completely embarrassed and frustrated.

"Look...We just fell in love ok? I know we're different, I know we don't have anything alike...But it just happened" Lena tried to say smiling joyfully and dreamily to her childhood friends.

"Lena is right..." Armin said, also giving the gingerhead a sweet and comforting smile "Besides, she is a grown up woman and Captain Levi can keep her safe enough. I wouldn't worry about that"

Eren and Mikasa looked at each other. Maybe they were being too much overprotective of her, more or less like the way she was with them. But they couldn't help it, they were soldiers who were supposed to protect the people they loved. Not that they didn't trust the Captain, those circumstances were just only very strange.

But at the end of the day...They guessed the only thing that mattered was Lena's happiness.

"Hold on your horses, that I don't need any body guard to keep me safe. I always fended for myself and for my own problems" Lena complained at what Armin had said with a playful smirk.

The three friends started laughing to what the gingerhead had said. Finally everything was becoming more at ease.

"Yeah I bet you would keep that talk if an old man tried to kidnap you and there was no one there to rescue you" the brown haired boy smiled. 

"Dear God, Eren! Imagine if that really happens! ...Well, I guess you're right, now that I think about it..." The freckled cheeks murmured as she opened widely her eyes to that frightening thought "But let's go back inside? I'm hungrier than a Titan in a night of fasting"

"You must've had wasted a lot of energy if you are this hungry..." Eren smirked maliciously, immediately receiving a slap on his head "OW"

"That's what you get for having a dirty mind" Lena raised an eyebrow as she got up from the bench "Does anyone want to come or not?"

"I'll go. I'm also feeling hungry" Armin awkwardly smiled and he got up from the stoned bench as well.

...

Lena and Armin were already inside. Levi was with Hange, Moblit Erwin, Raymond and Herr discussing whatever they had to discuss. The raven haired man only wanted to get out of there and go back to that garden with Lena...He hated those formal talks more than anyone could imagine.

"Finally, Levi. We were starting to get worried. Where have you been?" Erwin asked as the squad Captain came closer to the where they were.

The raven haired man looked at Moblit, and as the soldier noticed, he lowered his head embarrassed. Levi had to say he felt sorry for him...He had never really experienced heartbreak in a romantic way before, but he knew for sure it hurt. Maybe he was going to have a talk with him after all that party was over. After all, it was more than fair so he could thank him for that little push. And especially for not being selfish about his own feelings. Something Levi had been in the beginning...

"None of your business" Levi turned his eyes away from the brown haired soldier and turned and directed them to the Commander

"Ohhhhh stooop being shy, Leviii...We know perfectly what you've been doinggg!!!" Hange exclaimed, wrapping her arm around the raven man's soldier. She smelled like alcohol and was completely red on her face.

"Hange, you drank to much, let's just go to the bathroom" Moblit pulled her arm away from the Captain and stated pushing her to somewhere else, while she continued laughing. Then, Moblit turned to Raymond and Herr "Don't mind her, she exaggerated on the drinks she's already not thinking straight. We'll be right back"

Levi sighed...He definitely needed to thank Moblit after all that was over. 

"Well, but now I'm curious" Raymond said with a smile. Another annoying characteristic of that man was his nosiness.

"I wasn't in any place, you shitheads have nothing to do with that" Levi replied bluntly as he always were.

"Levi, watch your manners" Erwin said, not angry, but as just a friendly advice.

"I'm sorry, your graceful shitty heads have nothing to do with that" The raven haired man continued giving sarcastic remarks.

Obviously, Raymond and Herr just started laughing at him, for Erwin and Levi's own good. The blonde haired man gave him a smirk and Levi only rolled his eyes.

"This man really is amusing" Raymond laughed as he appreciated Levi's sarcastic expression.

"Am I? I really wasn't trying to be"

"I have to say, Captain, I am impressed. I never heard you talking so much" Herr chuckled, capturing the raven haired man's attention.

Levi raised one of his eyebrows. Herr was a man that he really liked talking too. He reminded him of Erwin in some aspects. Knowing that he was Lena's brother-in-law gave him a strange sensation of comfort, but at the same time, pressure. Only he didn't quite understand why. It almost felt like he needed his approval for something, which he didn't.

"I wish luck finding a wife...A woman likes a gentleman, someone who gives her a rose, who opens the door of the carriage, who pulls the chair for her to sit, who writes her love poems...Etiquette is very important" Raymond commented, doing one of those distant gazes of his.

"Well too bad, I guess I'm going to die by myself..." Levi rolled his eyes in annoyance.

Little did he know...

While that happened, Lena and Armin were on the food table trying to get something to eat. There weren't much to the gingerhead's disappointment. Sasha had eaten all of it at the first minutes of the ball. Also since it wasn't properly food that ended hunger.

"Honestly...Is this what rich people eat? Half a dozen of crumbs in a plate?" Lena asked as she ate one of those mini croquettes who couldn't even take the hunger of a dwarf "And here I was thinking that we could eat one of those big fat juicy steaks..."

"Now you just sounded Sasha" Armmin said with a small smile when he noticed the gingerhead was already drooling to the thought of that steak.

"Now I understand why she ate all the food. To pass the hunger a person has to eat thousands of this, dang it..." Lena complained, still with the little empty plate on her hands.

The gingerhead took a look at Levi, who was far away from them, in a little edge of the room. The raven haired noticed she was staring at him, so she decided to give him a sweet smile while her cheeks covered in blush. He replied also with a small smirk like saying 'You know I'm watching', although not in a creepy way. More like as he was saying for her not to make any crazy thing and to protect her at the same time.

"No way..." They heard a voice, breaking her from her thoughts.

Armin and Lena looked front and they came across a man. A pretty average height man, maybe a bit short. Curly brown hair, brown eyes and a handsome face. His mouth was opened widely as he stared at the ginger haired woman in awe, like he was trying to confirm something.

Lena looked at him with her eyebrows frowned in confusion...His face seemed familiar. Maybe too familiar...

His brown curls reminded her of someone, but she couldn't quite tell who...

"Lena? Is that really you?" The man asked, coming closer to the gingerhead and the brown haired soldier. As he noticed that the gingerhead wasn't remembering her, he decided to go straight to the subject "Don't you remember me? It's me, Adam!"

Lena's world fell apart right on that moment...

Adam...One of her boy friends when they were children? The one that had been her first love? It couldn't be, it was impossible...

"A-Am I losing screws inside this head of mine or...Did I hear that well?" Lena asked, still processing everything that was happening "Adam...?"

"You could say that..." He replied with a smirk on his face.

That smirk...It really was him.

The ginger haired woman opened widely her eyes and covered her cheeks in shock. It was him. It was really him. After more than 10 years passed, he was there. But he didn't even seem like it. He was so different, but she guessed that was normal since he wasn't a little boy anymore. His jawline was more sharp, his eyes were smaller and his curls weren't that wild as they were...

"I can't believe it...It's really you..." Lena repeated to herself, completely shocked by what was happening.

"Yes it's me! Now will you give me a hug or not? I remember you used to give the best ones" Adam smirked at the freckled cheeks' state.

Opening his arms, he embraced Lena tightly, which she didn't return, still a completely shocked because of all that new information. She wasn't sure of what to feel, so she turned her gaze to Levi, who was still at chatting with those men.

Levi decided to take another look at the gingerhead and went shocked by that strange scene. Who the hell was the guy hugging her? And why did she look so helpless like she was silently screaming for help? 

Levi's instinct shouted louder and he gave his cup of champagne to Erwin.

"Hold this for me, I'll go deal with something" The raven haired man said and started walking towards the other side of the ballroom, even before Erwin could ask what was wrong.

After some seconds, Adam let Lena go and started eyeing her up and down one more time.

"What on the Walls are you doing here?" Adam asked with his thick eyebrows frowned.

"I-I ask you the same! What in the Walls are you doing here and talking like that?? We haven't seen each other for 13 years and you're treating me like it's only been a few months??" Lena asked, with her blue eyes widened.

"U-Uh, Lena...Do you guys need any privacy?" Armin asked, a bit uncomfortable by that situation.

"No, sugarplum, don't worry. Whatever Adam has to say to me he can say to you too" Lena crossed her arms. Then the ginger haired woman turned her face back to the man who had been her first love "What are you doing here? And why did you never reply to all the letters I sent you??"

Adam looked down embarrassed and scratched the back of his head. He could already feel the sweat falling down his face.

"Why don't we sit in a table to talk better?" Adam asked awkwardly.

"No! I already told you what you have to say to me you can say to Armin as well!" Lena replied defensively.

"Please...I really have a lot to tell you" Adam insisted.

Lena's expression softened once she noticed his powerless and desperate thought. He really looked like he had a lot of things to tell her...

"Hey, the hell's going on here?" Levi asked with his eyebrows frowned, giving Adam a scary look.

"L-Levi..." Lena said quietly as the raven haired man put his arm in front of her, so that man couldn't touch her.

"Wow, would you look at that...Captain Levi, it's an honor" Adam gave a smirk and he stood his arm in an attempt to do a friendly handshake.

Levi simply slapped his hand to reject that gesture, and he started looking at him with an even duller and cold look than before.

"Who the fuck are you, brat?" Levi asked, giving him off a deadly glare to freeze his soul. He was lucky Adam was a few inches taller than him.

Lena held Armin's arm to look for comfort, as they were both sensing all of that tension in that gigantic ballroom.

"H-Hey, don't need to get so defensive man" Adam said, putting his arms in front of himself to calm that short angry man "My name is Adam Meyer, I'm from the Military Police. I'm...Elena's first boyfriend"

So that was Adam...

Levi recalled the ginger haired woman talking about him. The one who had 'married her' under a tree when they were children. Her description, if he recalled well, also fit him. The curly hair and the brown eyes. She only forgot to mention the dumb smile on his face. But he didn't forget how he was also the one who had gone away and never replied to her letters.

"Levi, please. Let him go" Lena decided to step assertively and put her hand in the raven haired man's shoulder. Then, she turned herself to Adam "We have nothing to talk about, Adam. I sent you so many letters, and you never made an effort to reply. You didn't even go to me when Maria fell...If it weren't for your parents I wouldn't even know that you were alive or dead..."

"Lena, I know I was an asshole. But I swear everything has an explanation" Adam insisted, making the gingerhead's expression softer "I ask you...Please just let me explain everything..."

Lena analysed his features and her heart filled with nostalgia. She remembered so much of him...She was completely head over heels for that smart and brave boy. And somehow, he still had kind of an impact on her. Though it wasn't half of what she felt for Levi...But Adam still was her first love. The one who had first awaken her to sentiment...Even if they were only children.

"Alright...We can go..." Lena replied look down, still a bit hesitant.

"Lena..." Levi warned her with his dark eyebrows frowned.

"Please..." Lena looked at the Captain. Her eyes were broken, hesitant and sorrowful...As well as many other emotions that he wasn't very able to decipher "I have to do this..."

Levi raised an eyebrow and turned his eyes back to the curly haired man. There was something he didn't trust about him...He didn't know if was that dumb hairstyle or that annoying smirk. Or because he was an MP and the MP's were all bastards. But there was something he didn't like about him...

"Tch...You do whatever you want" Levi replied, crossing his arms "But if I suspect you're trying something with her...You have no idea about what I can do..."

"I-I wouldn't worry about that...I come in peace" Adam said, giving that same ugly smirk. Then he turned to Lena "Let's go sit on a table?"

Hesitating, the gingerhead nodded her head and started walking with Adam in direction to the tables and the chairs. Before continuing walking, she turned to Levi and gave her with one of her lost and solitary gazes.

The raven haired glared...They could be farther away but he was going to keep an eye on him. There was no way he would just let that bastard do whatever he wanted.

"W-Well...I think I'm going back to Eren and Mikasa" Armin said, still processing what had just happened there. Then, he took a look at the Captain "By the way, Captain..."

"What?" 

"Don't worry about Lena...I know for a fact she really loves you and she's not leaving you for nothing on the Walls" Armin gave him a smile.

Levi gulped. 

Sometimes it surprised him how people could understand easier his emotions than himself. He was afraid of Lena leaving him. After all, they had just got together some hours ago. Could that be the reason why he didn't trust that man?

No, that was one of the reasons, but it wasn't the main one. There was something about him. Something very strange about him. What Levi knew was that he was going to keep an eye on them.

Lena and Adam were already sitting on a table, next to people from all the Military branches.

"I still can't believe you are here...You were the last person I thought I would find..." Adam said, still giving that smile of his.

"Don't play dumb with me. You have a lot of spitting to do" Lena replied defensively crossing her arms.

"Alright, alright...Jut ask me a question and I'll answer" He replied as he was already sensing her suspected gaze on his.

"Good idea. First, why did you never reply to my letters? And you can't tell me that you didn't receive it because I sent you thousands and thousands! Sometimes the postman is distracted but it's impossible he missed the residence so many times!" Lena started with her fiery eyes looking at him to make him feel pressure.

Adam chuckled, lowering his head.

"Actually...I really didn't receive them" the curly haired man replied, making Lena frown her eyebrows "You got the residence wrong, that's why I never received any of your letters"

"That's not possible! I asked your parents and everything! They would never lie to me, they were like my family!" Lena stated again assertively. 

"And they gave it to you...The residence of the private Military training areas. I was in the public one" Adam replied, staying still calm and collected "I lied to my parents saying I was accepted in the private with a scholarship because they would never let me go to the public academy. Imagine if I hadn't made it to top 10, I would have to be part of the Scout Regiment or the Garisson. They wouldn't ever let me"

Lena's mind was already a mess.

All of those years...She was finally hearing an explanation why Adam had never tried to reply to her. It was because of his strict parents. It was a strange excuse...But she guessed it answered her question.

"Then why didn't you write them yourself? Stefan and Edwards's girlfriends were always receiving letters from them" Lena asked again, still with her arms crossed and an eyebrow raised.

"Well...They didn't make it to top 10. I spent entire days training until my body wasn't able to move" Adam explained "And it was all for you...I wanted to come back the faster I could...But then they signed me to Stohess until now. I didn't even know Wall Maria had fallen. I only knew maybe a week later"

"It's hard to believe you, Adam..." Lena said, looking down at the table

"Believe in what you want. I'm telling the truth..." He replied, studying her features "If you don't trust me why did you accept in having this talk to me? Frankly, don't you remember all of those moments we spent together?"

Lena felt her heart aching just by remembering that.

All those mountain climbing, those plays, those swims in the river, those dreams...The time when she still had her parents, when she had found her first love, when she was happy. She didn't know why that have to end. 

Seeing Adam again made her feel like there was something left from those happy times. Perhaps, she should give him another chance.

"Alright...I believe you. After all, you were always defending me when we were little children right?" Lena asked, that time sounding more playful "Even if I was always doing my crazy things that scared the grandmothers of Shingashina"

"Now that's the Lena I know..." the curly man chuckled, and so did Lena "But let me tell you with more details about the Military Police"

As Adam started telling the gingerhead the reason he had left and what he had been doing on all those years, Levi was observing them right next to the table of the drinks. 

They are laughing now...I wonder the lies that bastard told her...Damn Lena, why are you so naive?, Levi thought with his eyebrows frowned.

He knew that was something off with him. A person didn't just leave and then suddenly came back like it was nothing. Lena could be tricked by his green eyes and chit chat, but Levi wasn't. He was going to observe him very closely and to understand what was that guy's business.

"Captain?" He heard a voice. Turning his head to its direction, he came across with a Moblit that looked he had missed nights and nights of sleep.

"What the hell is wrong with your face, Berner? You look like you were fucking a Titan" Levi commented sarcastically, still with his eyes on the childhood lovers.

"I spent all this time watching Hange. Mike is now taking my place..." Moblit explained sighing as he touched his head.

"Tch that damn four eyes doesn't really let anyone rest..." Levi said, rolling his eyes.

"You can bet...I'm always glad to help her, though" Moblit smiled kindly.

The raven haired looked at the section commander helper. Lena could've been with someone like Moblit but chose him instead. There were things that just didn't make sense on his mind...

"And what about you, Captain?" He asked, with a broken look on his eyes. Levi knew exactly what he was meaning with that question. Then the brown haired soldier looked front, and saw the gingerhead and her childhood friend chatting on a table "Who is that guy talking to Lena?"

"He's Lena's first boyfriend...A fucking MP, that is" Levi replied with disgust present on his voice "They reencountered themselves a while ago..."

"I see..." Moblit commented under his breath. Then he gave the raven haired man a smirk "I'm happy to see it disgusts you as much as it disgusts me..."

"I wanted to thank you, Berner" Levi suddenly changed the conversation, as he continued observing the gingerhead from afar.

"Huh? Me?" Moblit frowned his eyebrows in confusion.

"If you didn't push me to gain some balls and confront my feelings for Lena...I don't know what else could happen" Levi said. Anyone could notice the transparency and honesty with which he was saying those words "Thank you for not letting me be a coward..."

"So...You're saying that...You're together now" Moblit said, with a sorrowful expression.

"Yes, yes we are" Levi answered bluntly.

The brown haired man let a sad chuckle in return. He didn't know why that still affected him. Neither did he know why he was a little bit surprised. Moblit guessed that, really deep inside, he still had a hope that somewhat she didn't feel the same for the Captain. That little bit of hope inside the heart ruined everything, and is our biggest enemy.

"That's great...I'm happy for you two..." Moblit sighed, taking all the pain and frustration he was feeling onto that. Then he looked at the raven haired Captain "I just hope you can treat her the way she deserves, because the second you let her go, I'm going after her"

There was fire on his eyes, Levi was a bit surprised by that affirmation, but decided to give him a smirk in return.

"That's a deal" Levi said "Even if that's never going to happen"

On that moment Levi's worry was another. It was that bastard who had suddenly came after more than decade that thought had the right to come back to Lena's life like it was nothing. They were still talking and laughing, which made him feel sick.

"So now you're in the Scout Regiment as nurse?" Adam asked, laughing "Now that's something we don't hear everyday"

"That's right! I'm fighting for Humanity with the Scouts. Well, more or less" Lena explained with a cocky smile on her face.

"Well...If you can call that fighting..." The curly haired man murmured to the side.

Unfortunately, the gingerhead had heard well what he said.

"What did you say?" Lena asked again, shaking her head.

"Well...It's not everyone who says that the most useless Military branch contributes to Humanity's victory..." Adam continued murmuring to the side, which made Lena's nerves beginning to boil.

"Adam, if you want to tell me something be direct and talk louder. You know I hate indirect sentences" The gingerhead exclaimed, not liking one bit about that attitude of his

"Oh is that why you like Captain Levi so much? He sure is blunt" Adam suddenly changed the subject.

Lena's cheeks started blushing again, her luck was that the foundation could hide most of the red shape on her cheeks.

"W-Why are you changing the theme of conversation? What do you have to do with what I do and what I don't do?" Lena tried to defend herself, however she ended up sounding a little bit confused.

"Nothing, let's talk about other things shall we?"

"Alright, I'm not liking those indirect sentences a little bit! If you have something to say than say it to my face directly and louder!" Lena complained again, already feeling her nerves boil by that attitude of his.

"Alright, alright... Forget about this"

Suddenly, the raven haired man looked at their table one more time. From that perspective, Lena was stepping away from him and he was insisting in something. Levi wasn't liking the scene he was seeing. If that kept up, he was going there and tell that bastard some useful words.

"What's wrong?" Moblit asked, looking at the direction Levi had set his eyes on again.

"Someone wants to die" Levi replied sarcastically, making the brown haired man shivering at his response.

"Let's just recalling those happy days...Remember when we climbed the tree of your neighbor? And then she told our parents? Mine did nothing, but your beated you up!" Adam asked, laughing.

And just with those sentences, the ginger haired woman forgot about the subject that they were previously talking about. She remembered those moments so much, she had been so happy on that time...Even if she was always getting in trouble and getting punished by her parents, there wasn't a single day that she went asleep sad or thinking about life...

That innocence, that happiness, all of those dreams and hope...

Lena still tried to live her life like that, and even if everything had changed since that time, she still lived by the words of her father. But she couldn't deny, it was harder every single day. Although, meeting Levi made her feel love again, and it was also a piece of her childhood that came back. 

"I-I do..." Lena smiled sorrowfully to the table. Then, she gave sad chuckles thinking about that memory"We were so terrible, oh my God..."

"Or when we used to play Robin Hood and ended up dirtying all of our clothes...It feels like yesterday" Adam continued bringing back memories that ached, but at the same time, warmed her heart entirely.

"O-Or...When we climbed those trees close to the Wall...And then we fell and skinned all our knees" Lena chuckled sadly as she remembered all of those moments.

"Great times, am I right...?" Adam asked with a smile on his face.

The gingerhead took a long sigh, still looking at the table with longing.

"The best times of my life..." Lena sighed.

"I also remember our wedding under that tree..." Adam said, this time with a softer and warmer tone. As he tried to look at her facial expression.

Lena looked at the curly haired man. He was looking at her with a strange expression. It was like the Adam was there, but at the same time there was something covering up. She didn't know if it was because so many years had passed, or if there was actually something off about him.

What was she thinking? Adam had already explained everything to her. Why would he lie to her about that? The gingerhead wanted to believe he was actually determinate to go back to the way there were. Of course, without the love part. After all, she was in love with Levi and not even Adam could change that.

"Neither did I-"

"Lena" Levi's imposing figure appeared next to their table.

The two childhood friends looked at the small raven haired man. He had a deadly expression, like he was going to freeze him with his eyes.

"Commander Erwin is calling us. It's time for the Scout Regiment to leave" Levi said in a dull and harsh tone, as he silently glared at the man sitting next to her.

"Alright...Then let's get going before the Commander gets angry" Lena gave the raven haired man one of those dreamily and silly smiled as she got up from the table. The curly haired man got up as well and they locked eyes "It was...Amazingly amazing to see you again, Adam..."

Levi rolled his eyes, already annoyed by that whole situation.

"Me too...Are you free tomorrow? We still have a lot to catch up" Adam asked.

"For me it's-"

"She's busy" The raven haired man interrupted her, by turning his eyes to Adam's "You shouldn't go around causing trouble to the nurses, brat"

"I'm so sorry...I didn't recall Lena as a busy person" Adam replied, a tiny arrogance showing on his voice. Then he turned to the gingerhead again "Well, if you find some free I'll be on the Scout Regiment headquarters to see you"

Lena smiled to the ground. It wasn't that she didn't want to accept, but she was busy indeed. Besides, on the next day it would be the capture of the female Titan and she was going to evaluate the health of the soldiers.

"Are your shitty ears okay? I just said she was busy" Levi glared.

"Levi..." Lena gave him a playful smile. She understood why she was worried, but she didn't think he had anything to worry about "I'm not very sure but...I would be very happy"

"Great...Then we'll see each other tomorrow hopefully" Adam said with a smile. Then he turned to the Captain and reached his hand again to a handshake "Pleasure to meet you, Captain"

"Tch" Levi simply said, obviously too disgusted to even touch his hand.

The curly haired man made an awkward look and started walking in the direction of the backyard.

Levi and Lena observed him going away. It was the opportunity for Levi to face the gingerhead about what had just happened in there.

"Can you fucking tell me why did you accept?" Levi asked with a disappointed expression.

"Levi...Despite everything he is a friend of my childhood..." Lena replied, sorrow and longing present on her blue eyes "It's like I am back on those times again...And it's nothing serious, we are just going to talk"

"I don't trust that guy...There is something strange about him" Levi warned.

"Trust me, Adam is a sugarplum. And he already explained me why he never replied to my letters" The gingerhead smiled at his unsatisfied look. She turned on her usual playful grin as she understood what was going on "Wait...Don't tell me you are jealous..."

Levi opened widely his eyes as his cheeks started burning red.

"Tch now you freaked out for sure. Jealous? Why would I be jealous of a brat?" The raven haired crossed his arms, rolling his eyes.

The freckled cheeks shook her head chuckling. Levi being jealous was one of the cutest things she had ever seen. 

"That's true...Why would you be jealous? It's you who I love, not Adam. You have no reason to be jealous" Lena smiled kindly at him as she discreetly held his hand. She tried to hard not to kiss him on that moment at front of everyone...

The raven haired man's heart melted at her touch and what she had said...Even if he knew she was being for real, his insecurities obviously were getting advantage of him. Especially because that man had known her since she was a child.

 "By the way...Wasn't Commander Erwin telling us to go back?" Lena asked, frowning her thick eyebrows.

"That was a lie. I just wanted you to get out of there"

While that happened, Adam climbed up the stairs that led to the balcony, that for its own led to the way out of the palace. As he was farther away, he observed the couple and noticed the way Levi was talking with Lena. The way his gaze had softened completely, like he was watching a different person than the one who had talked to him.

The curly haired man let a malicious smirk.

"Well well well, Levi Ackerman...I finally found your weakness..."

...

Finally that whole crazy night was over.

All of the soldiers had already gone to each headquarters or their homes, in every part of the Walls. And as such, the scouts had also gone away to their ancient building. Tired, some of them so drunk that they had fallen asleep in the carriages, others so drunk that they still thought that that was a party. Which was Hange's case.

Lena had entered the building by herself as she went on the carriage with her friends. The gingerhead was walking towards her bedroom, completely tired but at the same time with her heart pumping and pumping with excitement, love and happiness. That night had truly been more magical than she thought. So magical that she had already forgotten why she wanted to much to go.

The handsome men, beautiful ladies, dresses, champagne and everyone dancing on the ballroom looked like insignificant things compared to what had happened on that night...

As she was walking through the corridors, still lost in her thoughts, she noticed the sillhouette of the raven haired man on his way to reach the stairs that led to his bedroom that was on the ground that was up that.

It was her opportunity.

"Levi..:! Levi...!" She whispered, capturing the Captain's attention.

 The raven haired turned himself to her and his eyes went immediately warm as he noticed that it was her. 

"What?" Levi asked as he saw the gingerhead coming closer to him.

Lena gave him the same playful smile as she held on his shoulders and pressed her lips on his...That was just what she needed to end that beautiful night.

It had caught the Captain by surprise, but he soon returned the kiss, as he touched her cheeks gently, like he was afraid he was going to break her face. They stood there, only feeling each other's lips, as an ending to the magical moments they had lived...

They broke the kiss because of the lack of air and the ginger haired woman stared at him. Even if it was dark, she could still see his beautiful eyes softening to her sight.

"What was this?" Levi asked confused to why the gingerhead had kissed just on that moment.

"What a question. It's a goodnight kiss, of course" Lena smiled sweetly seeing his dizzy expression.

"A...A what?" He asked frowning his eyebrows in a confused expression.

"A goodnight kiss!" Lena answered, still giggling about that puzzled off expression "For you to dream with the angels. I know it's not probably going to end with your insomnia but...Maybe it can help a little bit"

"You should've given me that prescription right when you started treating it...Maybe it would have a more helpful effect" Levi whispered on her ear with that same husky and grave tone that made her completely on her knees...

"N-Now, careful with the andor that the saint is made of mud..." Lena sighed already losing her composure "It's time to go to bed...This was a long night..."

Levi couldn't help but smile at the sight of her. How in the Walls did he get so lucky? How in the Walls had life, that had always been so cruel to him, been able to give him someone like Lena? And how was it able to even make her feel the same for him...?

It almost sounded like a silly dream...Perhaps she wasn't wrong in dreaming so much, after all.

"Goodnight, then..." Levi said, kissing her cheek "And this was my goodnight kiss, or whatever the hell that is..."

Lena smiled at him, touching the cheek that Levi had kissed. It was the first time he was the one showing affection to her. But even on that affectionate touch, there was still his intensity and magnetism.

"Goodnight..:"

Chapter Text

There hadn't been a single night of sleep that compared to that.

Levi hadn't slept that peacefully in such a long time, even if it was only for 4 hours. His heart continued beating so fast every time he recalled the events of the night before...The way he had kissed her lips under the moonlight. The way she told him with soft whispers how she loved him. The way they stood there only feeling each others' warmth. It just looked surreal coming from that romance novel he had read about. Only it felt more real...

He knew those emotions were like drugs. If one day they left, he would be even more miserable than he was. He was risking so much and he was so frightened. Every second of every minute Levi kept asking to himself 'Am I doing the right thing?' 'Am I being selfish?' 'What if I end up regretting this decision'. But he also knew that he had to keep those thoughts away from him. And to live the present, value Lena's love while it lasted. Just like she always told him to.

It all didn't seem real. Levi found himself smiling while his face was leaning on the pillow. He really had to confirm if that wasn't any dream. It felt almost too good to be actually happening. The raven haired man only asked how was it possible. A person like Lena had fallen for a monster like him. Through his life, he never really understood the concept of love, or romance or relationships. But who could blame him? In the middle of his misery thinking about true love and romance was a luxury.

But with Lena everything had changed. Levi started valuing the little things. And those little things were what made life so special and valuable.

He had learned so much with her...And he also knew she had also learned so much with him as well.

The raven haired man turned to the ceiling. It was already morning, the expedition to capture the female Titan would be the day after that. Not to mention that childhood boyfriend of hers would appear in the Scout Regiment.

He made a worried expression...Perhaps he was speaking too soon. But, like he had said, those feelings were like a drug. And even if he wanted them to stop, it was already to late.

Levi only hoped life wouldn't be cruel to him again...He wanted to live that journey and that love for much long time. And if he could ask, he wanted to live it forever. For the first time in his life, he had a million dreams inside of him that he wanted to keep chasing.

He only hoped that never went away...

...

There she was again dreaming about him again...Only this time that dream could be way closer.

"Lena...!" A voice called, while the ginger haired woman felt someone shaking her.

She woke up in a hurry, still a bit sleepy from the last night's adventure, coming across with an already dressed up and ready to work Judy. Her dark brown hair tied in a bun, a simple brown skirt with a shirt underneath and a white apron. Her green eyes were shining and she was giving her the same playful, yet frayed smile in her thick lips.

"Judy...." She said a sleepy voice and her eyes closing slightly.

"The one and only"

"Judy the one and only. Good morning" Lena replied, not saying things that made much sense, since she was still very sleepy.

"You better stiffen up, go wash your face and get dressed, girl. Today is your turn to go wash the laundry" Judy said, as she arranged her bed. Completely ready, like she had waken up hours ago, which she probably had.

Lena rubbed her eyes one more time, as she tried to remember what she was dreaming about.

Of course it had been with Levi...He didn't leave her mind even when she was sleeping. Only thinking about the events of the night before made her feel on the clouds and with a happiness no one could describe. But then she started wondering if that had been a dream...It was just too good to be true. The happiness she was feeling was too much...

"Last night was probably a lot of fun for you to be this tired..." Judy chuckled as the gingerhead got out from her bed still in her long white night dress.

Lena took a long sigh while thinking about the last nights' events... It was like she could still feel Levi's lips on hers. She never wanted to forget the feeling again. A man like Levi chose her...A man like Levi fell in love with her and chose to be with her. It almost didn't feel real...

"It was the best night of my life!!" Lena exclaimed smiling from ear to ear, taking Judy's hand and spinning her around with so much strength that made Judy feel dizzy.

"Careful!! You're going to rip out my arms!! And I need both of them to work!" Judy chuckled, stopping the gingerhead's spins.

"God I'm sorry, I'm just so happy Judy!" Lena said joyfully with her eyes shining like a thousand stars.

"I can see that, for someone who was so sleepy you sure gained energy fast!" Judy commented, crossing her arms. Then, the middle aged woman gave her a playful smile "Wait...Does this have to do with Humanity's Strongest Soldier?"

"I'm sorry but I can't tell you...!" Lena laughed as she gave her colleague one of the biggest smiles of her. Then she turned her back on her in an attempt to finally get ready to work "It's a secret...!"

Judy playfully grinned at watching the ginger haired woman's surprisingly good temper, since it was just in the morning and Lena in the morning could be even grumpier than Levi.

"Ohh I get it...If it's a secret you better not tell me" The middle age said with the same playful expression while the freckled cheeks squatted to take off a dress from the big wood box under her side of the bed "But I only hope it's something that makes you happy..."

Already with her night dress on the bed, Lena changed to another of her collection of dresses. She had thanked Commander Erwin on her head a lot of times for giving her so much fabrics from those she could make beautiful clothes. Not to complicated or like the dresses the ladies of Sina wore, but they were beautiful just because of their simplicity.

On that time, she had chosen a white dress until her shins, with large and flowy sleeves that lenghted until middle of her forearm. The only things that were showing was her arms and the rest of her legs since the shins.

"It does...It makes me so happy...It's like my chest is full of butterflies flying around. And my heart is warmer than an turtle burning in the sun" Lena smiled dreamily as she adjusted the dress with her hands.

"Then that makes me happy too...You deserve to feel that way, everyone does..." Judy said with a kind grin "But now I hope you have that head on the right place. You have to wash the laundry and tomorrow it's the expedition, remember?"

Lena quickly went back to reality when Judy said that. She was right, the next day would be the capture of the female Titan. She couldn't be daydreaming about Levi when soldiers were needed to be seen, to see if everything was in the right place after that. They wouldn't go to Wall Maria but they could get hurt as well..

That was right, Adam had also said he was going to come to the Scout Regiment headquarters so they could continue their conversation from the other night.

"Don't worry Judy. I am totally completely ready to pull my sleeves and work like a working ant" Lena put on another smile and a better posture.

Lena wondered what she should do...

Levi had told her he didn't trust Adam, but she couldn't say if it was because he was simply jealous or if there was something else behind it. But the gingerhead knew she couldn't take that opportunity away from her. Maybe he could even tell her where were the rest of their group of friends were on that moment. And they were just going to talk, she doubted Adam was still into her. After all, 13 years had passed. And even if he was, which she really doubted, she would make him understand that she already loved someone.

Maybe that was what she really would do. Who could blame her? She had met her first crush, the one who had first awaken not only love but a deep friendship. Lena couldn't deny, she wanted them to go back to the way they were. A sweet and excited smile painted her face. It would be amazing having someone from her childhood back.

But nevertheless she was going to tell Levi. Just for him to know that important choice of hers, and also because she wanted to hear his advice. Though she was certain he was going to tell her not to. Perhaps he would understand...Lena only hoped he did.

...

"Why don't you answer her letters, Peter? Lena really misses you..." Louise asked, her green eyes shining with sadness.

At that moment, Lena's older sister Louise was at the house of their older brother Peter. It wasn't a mansion like Louise's was, since he lived in a small one in a small village in Wall Rose. A very simple wooded and stoned house, that suited perfectly for him, his wife and his two children.

The two siblings were sitting in two different chairs in the living room. The shiny sun entered through the windows and illuminated all of that place. The light made Louise and Peter's brown hair be closer to Lena's in terms of shade. Of course, each of them with a cup of tea on their hand as they put the conversation on day. It was a cozy surrounding, but the conversation was already starting to become tense.

"And I couldn't care less. She should've never gone to that nest of snakes in the first place" Peter replied, frowning his thick brown eyebrows and putting the cup of tea "And now you tell me that she has a case with a Scout? That girl has freaked out for sure"

"Stop being such a headstrong. This is me and Herr's story all over again" Louise stroke back, slamming her hands on the little table in the middle of them "They are Scouts, they're not devils. It's just like any other Military branch"

"No, it's not like any Military branch, Louise. Aurora knows what she suffered because of a Scout" Peter replied, crossing his arms in disgust"That bastard of a father knew how much she needed by her side all of her life and even so he decided to go chase Titans like a lunatic..."

The same story all over again.

Aurora, Peter's wife, was always the excuse to justify his disgust for the Scouts. The poor woman's mother had died when she was a little girl, and her father was a scout. Not even for her he decided to give up on his dream to free Humanity, so he ended up dying on a mission. Aurora was sent to the orphanage when she was just 11 years old. But she didn't hate them, however when someone asked Peter why did he hate them so much he always replied with the same story.

But of course Louise was a smart woman and she knew that wasn't the true reason. He got too much along with people from the Military Police for her taste and they put those ideas inside of his head.

"I already know that story back to front. I don't understand how you care so much about that. Not even Aurora cares as much as you do" Louise insisted, trying to finally make Peter.

"You know why I care? Imagine if that...Scout that is giving trouble to our sister does the same thing to her" Peter frowned his thick eyebrows again and faced the brown haired woman with serious eyes "Imagine if he leaves her alone, pregnant, only wanting to have fun...Those bastards are all the same. They don't care about anyone. They don't care about love, or family. They only care about that stupid dream of theirs-"

"Peter, I'm not having this argument again. It's like talking to wall..." Louise shook her in disappointment.

"You know what? I will answer her letters. I'm going to have a talk with her and you can bet she won't put her feet on that place again" Peter insisted, frowning his eyebrows.

"Peter that's ridiculous-" Louise started.

"And she won't see that man again, that's for sure. Lena is easy to manipulate but if there's one person they can't trick is me" The brown haired man continued slamming on the table. If anyone heard him they would say he was the one who was crazy.

Louise didn't know which one of their parents Peter looked more alike. He also had the temper of their mother but none of them were that stubborn to the point where he didn't listen to anyone.

The woman took a long sigh to remain calm.

"Lena is living her own life. And just like you didn't have right to stop me from living mine, you can't stop her from living hers" Louise said in a more serene tone. She knew losing her cool wasn't going to help the situation at all "I'm happy that you're willing to talk to her. But please don't do anything you might regret"

"Did you come here to talk about those assholes or what? Because if that's the only thing you want to talk, feel free to see yourself out" The brown haired man sighed, adjusting himself on the chair to feel more comfortable.

Louise frowned her eyebrows and took a long sigh. She had the patience of a saint to deal with that stubborn brother, especially when she was trying to prove a point and he didn't give up on it.

"I also came to tell you about a very important thing..." She started, taking a deep breath. Then, her eyes met Peter's "A very important thing, for real..."

Peter raised an eyebrow at Louise's serious tone. She had changed humor quickly, he wondered what she wanted to talk about so suddenly.

"What?"

"Do you have dad's inheritance documents?" The brown haired woman asked.

"Yeah, they're on the attic with the old stuff from Shingashina. Why?" Peter replied with a curious, although intriguing, expression.

Then, Louise's eyes were on Peter's again. The 31 old man felt shivers on his spine...She was looking at him with a piercing and serious gaze. Like if she was going to tell him a secret that no one could know. Not even their closest friend or partner.

"I just need a confirmation..." Louise finally replied, continuing facing Peter with the same look on her face.

"A confirmation about what?" Peter repeated, not understanding well what his sister was talking about.

"A very important confirmation..." She simply answered "I think I will even need to sleep here tonight..."

...

"I really should stop getting my and Judy's laundry mixed or this is even more confused..." Lena said to herself while she walked through the corridors holding her laundry.

While she was walking, the gingerhead noticed a brown haired soldier's figure walking in the opposite direction. It was Moblit, full of papers on his hand. Lena smiled excitedly once she saw his silhouette. She still hadn't thanked him for being his pair for the 20th time, before and after the ball. Because no matter how much she tried to thank him, there wouldn't be enough times to do it. And of course, before going away from the ball, she also had told him that she and Levi were together and that she had met Adam again. She wanted to tell him everything that happened because he asked her to be his pair...

Moblit had been the sweetest angel on the Walls...If it weren't for him, she didn't know where Lena would be on that moment. And it was because of him that Levi and her were together on that moment.

"Moblit!!" The gingerhead called him, but he had already seen her.

Moblit gave her a smile but gulped. She couldn't continuing smiling like that, he wasn't going to take it. Every time she appeared so happy it hurt him. Because the brown haired man knew she wasn't smiling because of him...

The freckled cheeks started running with the basket on her arms. If anyone else watched her run, they would immediately think she was going to drop the basket. And of course the brown haired soldier quickly noticed.

"L-Lena, careful with the laund-"

But it was too late.

Lena had already fallen on the ground along with the basket full of clothes and linen. The gingerhead started moaning in pain as she stood there lying on the floor with pieces of clothing on top of her. The basket ended up falling next to her, still with some pieces on it.

Moblit took a sigh and let go a small smile. He knew exactly that was going to happen but it had been too late. Obviously he went right after her to help her pick the laundry and getting up.

"Are you okay?" The brown haired soldier asked with a kind smile, kneeing down to take the clothes away from her.

"No...! Dang it, I beat my back right on the ground...!" Lena moaned in pain as she tried to see straight after that fall. As the freckled cheeks opened her eyes, she saw Moblit taking the clothes away from her "You don't need to do it, Moblit. Let me do it myself"

"I'm always glad to help, don't worry" The soldier smiled kindly as he finished putting the clothes and the linens on the basket. That whole scene made the gingerhead's heart warm.

"Moblit, I swear...Is there anyone more of an angel than you?" Lena asked with her eyes shining and a sweet smile, taking Moblit's hand and getting up with his help at the same time she held the basket on her hands 

"I'm sure there are plenty. You just have to find them" Moblit replied, already feeling his cheeks starting to get red.

"I'm serious...I have no words for how much you've done for me since we met..." The gingerhead gave the same compassionate smile as she looked into his eyes "I don't think I will ever be able to repay you...Thank you so much for everything..I swear, thank yous so much, Moblit..."

"Y-You said that maybe...198 times since I asked you to the ball" The brown haired chuckled awkwardly scratching the back of his head "I'm glad you and the Captain are finally together...I'm happy knowing you're happy...Both of you"

The gingerhead couldn't take it anymore and gave him another tight hug of hers. There were no words to explain how thankful she was for Moblit. He had been the sweetest angel of the Walls ever since they had met. He was one of the kindest people she had ever met and was always prepared to help everyone. She only wished everyone had their own Moblit in their lives...No wonder Hange trusted him with his life.

The brown haired man smiled, as he smelled discreetly his hair...Knowing that was the closest he could get to her made his heart ache...But at the same time, at least he was thankful that he could hug her like that. And he would continue whatever they had...Loving her in silence and watching her love another man. But at least she was happy...That was everything that mattered to him...Or what he wanted to make himself believe.

They got separated from each other and Lena continued knelt to pick up the laundry basket once and for all.

"By the way...Is it really true that childhood crush of yours is coming here?" Moblit asked with curiosity as the gingerhead picked up the basket.

"Yes...W-Well, I'm not sure he told me that yesterday. But he probably is" Lena answered awkwardly while shrugging. Then she noticed the concerned look on Moblit's face "You think I'm being dumb for giving him a chance don't you?"

"H-Huh...No, of course I don't. To be honest I think I would've done the same thing" Moblit sighed, being completely honest "But I don't know...I saw him yesterday and there's something I don't really trust in him..."

"You too? Levi thinks the exact same thing. Don't tell me that it's because he is an MP" Lena rolled her eyes, even though still smiling.

"I mean that helps not trusting him..." The brown haired soldier chuckled awkwardly "But I think it's more because of...His eyes..."

Lena tilted her head in confusion.

"His eyes? They're brown and what about it? Your eyes are brown too"

"It's not the color...I don't know how to explain it" Moblit tried to find the right words but he somehow couldn't figure out what he wanted to say "It's like he has no bright...It's a very dull gaze..."

"Oh...I never noticed that..." The ginger haired woman tried to remember the way Adam's eyes were like "But I don't think someone should or shouldn't be trusted by the way their gaze is. I mean only if he looks like a ghost or a killer with a knife"

"I'm just trying to say for you to be careful..." Moblit said with the same concerned expression "And to reconsider if you'll really go talk to him or not"

"There's nothing to reconsider. I'm going to talk to him. No one can change my mind on that" Lena stated proudly, giving the brown haired soldier a smile.

"You're really stubborn aren't you?" Moblit sighed in defeat, closing his eyes and putting his hand on his forehead "If not even Captain Levi can change your mind, I don't think I'll be able to do anything about it. Did you at least tell Captain Levi?"

"I'm going to, don't worry...I'm just going to take this laundry to my room, eat lunch and then I'm going to tell him. He's at his office isn't he?" Lena raised an eyebrow in curiosity.

"I think so...Since his leg is still injured, he's not been training. Just spends the days on his office filling paperwork like a martyr" Moblit replied, scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment. 

Lena smiled sweetly to the ground thinking about Levi cursing himself with the amount of paperwork he probably had to do...Perhaps giving him a visit once in a while wouldn't be that bad of an idea. She didn't want to interrupt him or be a burden, but if Moblit said that he spent entire days on his office, maybe he wouldn't mind her company.

"Thank you, Moblit...For everything" Lena smiled compassionately at the brown haired soldier.

"T-That's the 199th time you thank me..." Moblit replied, feeling the blush covering all of his cheeks "And the 199th time I say 'you're welcome'..."

"Bye, see you later!!" Lena tapped his arm in a friendly way and turned direction to go to her room.

Moblit observed her walking with the laundry basket on her hands and. The brown haired soldier took a long sigh...

Why did I have to fall in love with you?, he thought to himself.

As the ginger haired woman was walking, she was thinking about Moblit....

She wanted to do something for him. Lena knew perfectly that no matter what she did, it would never come close to all of the things Moblit did for her. But even so... She wanted to thank him at her own way.

Lena wondered why could she do... Maybe later she would ask Hange some advice.

...

The raven haired Captain was on his office like a martyr...

Pages and pages of paperwork were already filled, but he still had to write more and more. Erwin knew perfectly that Levi couldn't train and took that opportunity to give him more work for him to finish in advance. He didn't mind, but the truth was he was tired.

Levi didn't really like to go outside, he preferred to stay inside by finishing work. At least he did something useful.

KNOCK!
KNOCK!
KNOCK!

The raven haired man sighed... Who could it be this time?

"Name and business?" Levi asked in a tired tone.

"What a question it's Lena! Can I come in or not?" he heard the gingerhead's voice laughing at the other side.

Levi gave a small smirk... It was just what he needed for that day at least to get better. After all, it wasn't any dream. It was the true reality... He couldn't blame himself. Whenever he was with her it was like he was dreaming. Like he was in a whole other world completely different from that reality.

A good...And a wonderful one.

"You can come in as long as you don't bother me, big mouth" Levi teased going back to his serious self as he wrote on the pages of paper.

"Well that depends. What do you consider bothering? Does it have like a scale from 1 to 10 or something?" Lena asked from the other side of the door.

"You know what, forget it. Just having you inside is annoying enough" Levi replied sarcastically, waiting for the same feisty response of the freckled cheeks.

"What a Captain Ice Cube!!" Lena said stubbornly, obviously knowing that the raven haired Captain was only teasing her "Alright then! I'm going to Eren and Armin's room I'm sure they're going to be wayy more welcoming!"

"Not way in hell, get in"

The gingerhead chuckled at his sudden change of tone and opened the door. She soon faced Levi with his usual white shirt, cravat and black jacket. His eyes changed from looking at the paperwork and looked at her instead.

Lena blushed and her eyes shined...She quickly ran to him, bend over and placed a kiss on his cheek, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, to what he usually flushed.

"Be honest, am I bothering? Because if I am, I'm going to come back when you're less busy. You don't worry about anything...!" Lena asked with a worried expression. She really didn't want to be a burden for Levi when he was doing work.

"You're bothering because you're annoying but it's not because I'm that busy" Levi replied bluntly, telling the truth but at the same time just teasing her. The raven haired man just felt and appreciated the way her arms were embracing him from the neck to his chest. He took sigh... "So you can stay...As long as you don't start talking nonstop"

Lena smiled excitedly at him and sat on the chair next to him, resting on his shoulder and just observing the way he wrote the paperwork. His calligraphy was very pretty, even if he only learned to write and read only a few years ago. Hers were a mess, especially since she wrote the paperwork in a hurry to finish.

Then, the ginger haired woman put her eyes on him...Levi looked so handsome even when he was focused. The way his eyes faced those papers with such a focus that she never imagined herself being so focused on anything. And he smelled so good...She couldn't properly described but it was a good smell...

"Tch, stop looking at me like that, you're distracting me" The raven haired man said, feeling the blush rising on his cheeks.

"The deal was for me not to talk, now I can't look? God gave me two eyes and a mouth for a reason" Lena teased while she observed his flustered self.

"It was the worst mistake he ever made, then" Levi rolled his eyes, still feeling the red shade still rising.

"Don't be silly, God doesn't make mistakes!" The gingerhead chuckled, taking her eyes off Levi and directing them to the paperwork "You sure have a lot of paperwork to do. Dang, Commander Erwin really made you a martyr because of your leg"

"Tell me about it...I don't think it's even fucking possible to finish all of this in a month" Levi sighed, closing his eyes in agony.

"Don't you get tired of sitting in a chair entire days? Every time I have paperwork I end up the day only wanting to climb the mountains after that" Lena smiled, thinking about every day filling paperwork and not being able to move. 

"I miss training, but nothing more than that" Levi replied a bit dryly.

"That butt must be more sore than a rock from sitting there hours and hours" Lena murmured, almost being able to feel the pain that he was feeling. Then, she put on a bright smile on her freckled face "Maybe we can go on a date someday. You know, so you don't have to stay inside all day" 

Levi almost choked even with nothing on his mouth. The butterflies on his stomach went back again just with the thought of going on a 'date' with Lena.

It was strange, he had already nothing to be nervous about. He already knew Lena was in love with him...But even so he couldn't stop feeling those ties on his chest. Maybe that was the happiness of being in love, a different kind of happiness and a bittersweet feeling. 

But what could he do? Levi had no experience in dating or romance. He had no idea what to do. And even if Lena had said she didn't care about those kind of things, he couldn't stop being insecure about it. Having her there next to him while he filled the paperwork already felt amazing for him...Would a date even be better?

"A date?" The raven haired man could only ask, as he tilted his head to the side.

"A date, how can I explain it. A date..! We can go to the town, we can have a picnic, a walk in the woods, we can go to a concert..." Lena started enumerating the examples of dates she could think about "Look, basically it's spending time together. We can do anything"

"I know what a date is, big mouth. But I don't think we'll have time for that" Levi replied bluntly as he usually was.

"Oh..." Lena said in a disappointed tone, which she quickly replaced to a sweet smile "Then it's okay, we can just be here. This can also be a date"

Levi felt like cursing himself. Why did he have to be an idiot when it came to romance? If only he could show his affection in other ways, more physical ways he meant...But Lena wasn't ready for that. He wondered what he should do...

"Are you sure you don't mind just being here?" The raven haired man asked one more time.

"Of course not. I love seeing you do anything really. Even cleaning, only if you're not grumpy though..." Lena chuckled, to make Levi understand that she was only teasing him "It doesn't matter the place or what we do...Just being with you is enough"

Damn, Levi was sure lucky to find someone like her. And he wanted to show her that. 

"By the way...I felt like I had to tell you this to take these load of things out my back. I have made the completely important decision to go talk to Adam" Lena said in a hesitant tone.

Levi sighed, closing his eyes in agony...Now that sentence distracted him. Worst, it bothered him and irritated him.

"Why did I already know that was going to happen?" The raven haired man rolled his eyes.

"What did you want me to do? He is my friend from a long time. And besides he already explained everything to me blow by blow" The gingerhead answered, resting her head on his shoulder again "Don't think I'm dumb, Captain Ice Cube please..."

"I don't think you're being dumb, I think you're being an fucking idiot" Levi replied "Why would that brat suddenly care about your existence after more than 10 years?"

"I know that sounds bad but he already explained me why. And besides it felt good seeing one my childhood friends again" Lena sighed, being completely honest and transparent the way she always was. Then she let go a sweet smile "It's like a piece of my childhood coming back"

"It doesn't matter if it's good. I don't trust that guy's intentions" Levi said between teeth, as he remembered that stupid smile on his face "But if that's your decision I have no other choice but to respect it. Just don't say I didn't warn you"

"Don't worry that it's not going to happen. I know I'm right and I put my hands on fire to prove that Adam is just like the boy he used to be" The ginger haired woman let a cocky smile, looking again at the raven haired man's face.

"Tch I don't know which one I hate more about you. Your stubborness or your way of thinking that everyone has good intentions" Levi rolled his eyes with a sigh.

As Lena felt his grumpy self to strike again because she wasn't going to do what he wanted, the freckled cheeks grabbed his cheeks and kissed it again. Wanting to show all the love she felt for him. Levi quickly moved his head to meet her face and pressed their lips together one more time...It had only been a night but he already missed them...

The truth was...Those were the exact things that made him fall in love with her...

...

After maybe an hour of the ginger haired woman and the raven haired man just in the office with each other, feeling their warmth and company. Lena talking and talking and talking and Levi pretending to be annoyed by it, when in reality, he wouldn't change that for anything. They enjoyed just being with each other like that...It had started when they had those conversations at night and after that they had gone addicted to each other's company. Only they could be even closer, with Lena resting her head on his shoulder, kissing him and hugging him. It was all very knew for Levi, but he was already addicted to her tenderness...

It was already the middle of the afternoon. Adam would probably arrive in the Headquarters more or less at that hour. To the raven haired man's misfortune, Lena was really decided about going to him. After so many warnings and advice, that headstrong wouldn't listen to him. But what could he do? He couldn't forbid her to see that brat.

"I still didn't understand why you decided to come with me. I have two legs and two feet I can perfectly go meet Adam by myself" The gingerhead said as she and Levi walked over to the outside training areas "For someone who wanted to be so discreet, this isn't discreet at all. The only thing missing is a board on my forehead saying 'Property of Captain Levi'"

"Shut your big mouth. You know why I decided to go" Levi replied "You can bet that he won't lay a finger on you if I'm there"

"You're an exaggerated. You'll see that Adam won't do anything to me" Lena smiled to the raven haired Captain's protective persona "Still...It feels good knowing that you care so much"

"Damn right I do. You already know I don't trust that brat" Levi rolled his eyes embarrassed, still not knowing exactly what to reply to her bright eyes and smile.

Already outside, right next to the entrance of the building, they could already see the curly brown hair of the 5'5 soldier. He appeared to smile at the ginger haired woman but it slowly faded a way to a not so pleasant expression when he noticed who was with her.

"Adam hi!!" Lena greet cheerfully and waved at the childhood friend. Levi always behind her glaring at him with a deadly gaze.

"Lena...It's amazing to see you again" Adam said with a smile. Then he looked at the Captain and reached his hand towards him again, this time with not such a big smile "And...Great to see you too, Captain"

"Tch" Levi could only say, not even bothering to take his hand.

"So...Is he going to be with us the whole time?" Adam asked awkwardly to the ginger haired woman.

"You have a fucking problem with it? If you have something to say just ask me directly, brat" Levi answered dryly, already not liking his not so straight forward way.

"N-No, of course not...I was just hoping to be alone with Lena. There are some important things I must tell her and I would prefer if she was only with me" Adam tried to explain as he was feeling the sweat falling down his forehead "I understand if you're trying to play the role of responsible Captain. But I bet your subordinates need your watch more than Lena does"

"Now, Adam you don't have to talk that way. Captain Levi is just worried because he doesn't know you well" Lena faced Adam in an attempt to break that tension.

"I just know what I have to do..." Levi said, with his gaze even deadlier than before. He came close to the curly haired man and looked him straight in the eye "I'll leave you both alone. But if I suspect you lay a finger on her, if you even touch a hair...You have no idea of the things I can do...Don't think I will spare you just because you're a brat..."

"Don't worry...I grant you that won't be needed" Adam said with the usual smirk. Then, he turned back to Lena "Let's go?"

The ginger haired woman turned her head to see Levi's. He was still staring at the curly haired soldier like a hawk. Observing his every move. When he finally looked at her, she gave him a reassuring smile, in a way of saying 'Don't worry I can handle myself and nothing is going to happen'. It was kind of amusing how they understood perfectly each other only looking at their eyes.

The raven haired Captain took a sigh as he observed the two of them starting walking around the building. Then he growled in anger, frowning his eyebrows...He only hoped Lena didn't regret her decision

...

"What a fucking idiot...That shitting son of a bitch" Levi growled as he entered in Erwin's office.

The blonde Commander was sitting on a desk filling pages and pages of paper. Levi's entrance had startled him, but he soon gave some quiet laughs.

"Are all those compliments for me, Captain Levi?" Erwin chuckled.

"As if. It's for that brat that is now paying visits to Lena. He's such a fucking moron you have no idea" Levi complained, sitting in a chair in front of Erwin's desk.

"I don't know. From what I heard Adam Meyer is one of Nile's best soldiers" He replied as he continued writing on the pieces of papers.

"Like that means anything. Shit, you have no idea how shameless that brat is" The raven haired man continued complaining in complete anger and furstration.

"Don't you think you are overreacting? Let those two have fun while they can"

"Erwin don't be naive. Why would he suddenly want to know all about Lena after more than 10 years? Suddenly now he's all interested in her?" Levi rolled his eyes, remembering the way the curly haired man talked and smiled...Everything of him was annoying "I don't believe a single shit about his 'explanation', but Lena does...And she's such a stubborn ass that I couldn't convince her"

"Lena is a grown up woman she can take care of herself" Erwin decided to raise an eyebrow and let a smirk "Or is there something else in the picture?"

"Here you come with your talk...What the hell are you talking about?" The raven haired Captain faced him with the same tired and sarcastic look.

"Levi...Could you be jealous?" 

Levi let go another tch and tried to stop the blush rising on his cheeks. That was really embarrassing for him to admit, but there was no point in lying to Erwin.

"I know I'm jealous. I admit that I'm fucking jealous" Levi said assertively "That maybe is one of the reasons, but there's something about him that I don't trust at all"

The dark haired man looked down in a thoughtful way...

There was just something about him. He didn't know if it was his dull eyes or his annoying smirk, or his stupid haircut. Or even the way he talked, like he was trying to hide his arrogance under as layer of kindness and friendliness. Levi wasn't born yesterday and he knew perfectly the way of a manipulative person. Even when Lena had told him why he hadn't replied to his letters. Saying 'It was you who got the residence wrong' and 'I did what I did because of you'. Like it had been her fault that they had got separated. And he doubted that he was telling the truth.

Maybe Lena would deny and say that he was seeing things where they didn't exist. But Levi knew that perfectly their ways.

He would give them half an hour. After that, he was going to look for them and then to send that brat away.

...

The ginger haired woman talked with the Military Police soldier around the Headquarters. It was a pretty hot day, but a breeze was blowing, and it made the surroundings cozier. 

Lena couldn't deny, that hearing that man talk was draining her energy. He could only talk about how he had been the highest grade in the military academy, or how his Commander had already lifted him to some higher positions and how he would probably be a Captain soon. And sometimes he would ask questions about the Scout Regiment that she didn't quite understand or that she didn't know the answer. And, of course, occasionally saying indirectly that he was expecting the gingerhead to go further in life than just being a nurse in the Survey Corps.

"I have to say, I was shocked when you told me that you said you had gone to a convent" Adam chuckled as they continued walking around the building "I knew you were religious but...Don't you think you wasted all of those years? I mean it's kind of a waste of time"

"Look, I know I had my reasons to become a novice and you have nothing to do with it" Lena answered with her eyebrows frowned "And who do you think you are to talk about the convent? It made me grow a lot and if it wasn't because of that, I wouldn't be the person I am today. It helped me recover from the fall of Shingashina, which you don't know anything about because you didn't even bother to go there"

"Hey, I already explained why I didn't go, okay? It wasn't my fault, why can't you still trust me?" Adam asked sounding offended "I know that a lot of years have passed but I'm still the same person I was"

"You see how you got it? A lot of years have passed so it's normal if things aren't the way they used to be" Lena tried to explain in a less angry tone.

Then Adam stopped walking. When the freckled cheeks noticed, so did she. They ended up standing in front of each other with their curly hair flying with the breeze.

"I know better than anyone that things aren't the way they used to be..." The curly haired man said, in a pained and serious tone, as he stared deeply into her blue eyes "But when I saw you...It was like something inside me had awaken. Like a distant memory. Didn't you feel the same way?"

Lena looked down...

She couldn't lie to Adam and saying that it she had felt completely normal when she saw him. It was like her childhood coming back to her all over again. And she couldn't deny that he still had his effect on her, not about romantic love, but it made her recall the person she was once in love with. It was very hard to explain. At the moment it had felt frightening, but then remembering all of those moments, the happiest times of her life, it had felt good...And she couldn't deny that.

"Yeah...? I mean, it reminded me the times when I was happy..." Lena answered, looking down and with a broken tone "When my parents were still here... When I had my first love...When Shingashina wasn't full of Titans..."

Adam caressed her freckled cheek with his index finger, but as he noticed her flushing at the act, he took his hand away. And instead just started looking deeply into her sorrowful eyes.

"Then why don't we just go back to those times?" Adam asked, his voice sounding smooth and desperate. He analysed her face, that looked very different from the time when they were children. Even if she had still her chubby freckled cheeks and big blue eyes.

"You want to go back to Shingashina to become a Titan's morning snack?" Lena asked with her eyebrows frowned in confusion. 

"No, I'm not talking about that..." The curly haired man chuckled, looking at the side.

"Then what are you talking about?" The freckled cheeks asked again, still confused. She wasn't understanding at all what Adam was talking about.

"Lena... When I saw you, I realized that... That..." Adam tried to say with his freckled cheeks lifting up to form what it seemed to be a compassionate smile "That I am still in love with you..."

Lena's eyes widened at that reply and stepped away from Adam, completely perplexed. The last thing she thought she would hear from Adam was that. 

"W-Wow....H-Hold your horses and lose the air on your brain" The gingerhead said, completely confused and confused that she didn't say things that made sense. She took a sigh and looked at the curly haired soldier still with her eyes widened. "You love me?? How can you love me?? We haven't seen each other in 13 years! That's right!! I counted them all with algorithm and everything!!"

"But you almost didn't change. Still the same wild, sweet and joyful girl that I fell in love with. It was destiny that put us back together" Adam said, smiling and held her hand again in a caring way "Come with me. Leave the Scout Regiment and come with me..."

"Now you flipped out for sure...Are your neurons even working, Adam??" Lena answered in an angry tone, letting go of his hands. "We don't talk for 13 years and now you give me that talk about going with you and leave the Scout Regiment like it's nothing?? That brain is more melted than an ice cube burning in the sun!"

"What are you even doing here after all? I'm sure those suicidal maniacs can handle themselves. You're too good for them, Lena" Adam replied with arrogance that made Lena's nerves boil "What? Did they put ideas on your head?"

"Adam...You are not well. Those fuses inside your head are all burned to a crisp!" Lena tried to remain calm, but it was becoming harder and harder to do it.

"You think that I'm crazy?" The curly haired man asked with an offended and fragile expression.

"What do you want me to think?? You think you can come here and go back into my life like it was nothing? And then telling me to go with you?? If that's not crazy then what is??" Lena replied, crossing her arm.

"I thought you liked crazy things and adventures...Especially when it came to love. But it seems like I was mistaken..." Adam said, looking down in sorrow and embarrassed.

"Adam don't you understand that is not the point?" Lena tried to make him understand "Even if you had came earlier I still wouldn't go. This is what my destiny is, this is what God wants me to do. I'm not going anywhere"

Adam suddenly changed his expression into a baffled one. The ginger haired woman faced him haughty, like she was proud in herself for belonging to the Scout Regiment. 

"Why would you even...?" Adam started, completely perplexed. Then, his eyes widened in realization "Oh... I see...Is it him that is in between us? That midget? "

"What does that even matter??" Lena asked completely embarrassed and angry "And no! It's not because of him that I want to stay!! I mean....It is a little bit but not the main reason!! And why did you even call him a midget, you're not that taller as far as my eyes can see!!"

The raven haired man got out of the building in an attempt to look for the childhood friends. As he started walking towards the direction they had gone to, he could already hear the gingerhaired's loud voice. So he knew something was already going on...And he wasn't enjoying that.

"You're always talking about how I didn't make an effort to find you. What about you? Why didn't you ever tried to find me?" Adam asked, immediately leaving the freckled cheeks to the burge of tears.

"Because after my father died I had to work 18 hours per day on a tavern to sustain my mother's illness!! And then I lost her too when the Titans appeared and destroyed everything I had!! You think I had the head to go look for anyone??" Lena asked, already letting some tears falling from her cheeks.

"I was busy too! I had to train every hour of the day to be able to enter in the Military P-"

"If you say Military Police one more time, I swear I'm going to take off my ears and cook them in the frying pan!!" Lena closed her eyes in anger as even more tears fell. The gingerhead opened her eyes and faced his gaze.

Lena just stood there facing him. His expression was a mess. His eyes were widened, his mouth was opened and some sweat was falling down his face. Lena made a sad face...That wasn't the same Adam that she once knew... He was a whole different person. And Levi was right, once again...

"Look I am not the same naive and innocent girl that you knew okay? Unlike you think I am a whole different person than I was in that time" Lena stated with a serious expression "And I finally found my purpose. I am surrounded by people I love and I feel like I'm actually making a difference. So why would I chose to go with you??"

Levi had finally found them. The whole building could probably hear her loud voice, so knowing where they were wasn't as hard as the raven haired man thought it would be. From what he could see, Lena was crying and facing him with deadly eyes, but at the same time, her expression was broken and fragile...

If that brat did something to her I swear I'll break his teeth..., Levi growled to himself and he frowned his eyebrows.

"That's too bad...I even thought I could tell you something about your family" Adam murmured to the side, making the gingerhead even more confused "Something very important..."

"What are you talking about? What does my family have to do with anything?" Lena asked, not understanding anything of what he was saying.

"Why would I tell you? If you don't want to come with me, I guess that doesn't matter to you" The curly haired man let a small smirk and his eyes became even duller than they used to be.

"You know perfectly that has nothing to do with it" Lena warned him with fire on her eyes. Then she shook her head in disappointment and looked at Adam with disgust "Frankly...One thing is to be bonkers, one completely different thing to try blackmailing me. I don't believe in a word you're saying anymore"

"Do what you want. But you're going to end up regretting it" Adam answered in an arrogant tone of voice "When you do, come to me so you can live the life you were meant to live"

"This shitty chit chat is getting too longer for my taste" Levi finally stepped in, coming closer to where Lena and Adam were standing. He stood at Lena's side and faced the MP with deadly eyes "What did I tell you about laying a finger on her?"

"L-Levi, he didn't do anything to me. Adam is with some loose screws but nothing that can't be fixed with a screwdriver!" The ginger haired woman said, putting her eyes back on Adam at the middle of the sentence. To which Adam only rolled his eyes.

"Well, Lena. I gotta get going. See you around" Adam said. When he was about to step front to get out of the outside part of the Headquarters, he faced the gingerhead again with the same look on his eyes "Remember my proposal..."

Levi looked at him with an even more deadly expression, like he was going to murder him any time he wanted...That had been even more intimidating that the previous guys who had tried to ask Lena to the ball. Even more coldness, anger, disgust and annoyance. Like he was going to freeze him to death.

"Careful brat" Levi glared, grabbing his arm with so much strength that he could break it whenever he wanted. Adam looked at him nervously "If you trouble her again, I'll make sure it'll be the last time. Don't doubt my words"

The sweat started falling on Adam's forehead. Even if he was trying to make a serious posture and not letting himself intimidate, there was not doubt that he was scared of that short man. He faced the deadly look of the Captain one last time, released his arm with the most strength he could and turned his back on him in the direction of the tree where his horse was.

"Tch spoiled brats disgust me...Especially when they go around annoying people" Levi commented as he observed the curly haired man jumping on his horse. Then he looked at the gingerhead to see if she was alright.

Of course that she was looking at the ground with her blue eyes even sadder than what they were...

"Are you alright or what?" The raven haired man asked hesitantly.

"Adam... Adam is not the same person that I knew..." Lena started feeling the tears from her eyes.

"I can't say that I didn't warn you..." Levi crossed his arms and rolled his eyes "But you preferred not to listen to listen to me like always..."

"Don't argue..." Lena's tears fell even more when she wrapped her arms around the Captain's waist while burring her head on his chest, catching him completely off guard "I am an idiot...You were right all along and I didn't listen..."

"How many times have I told you not to trust all the people you meet? Especially a fucking MP" Levi sighed, looking at the sky as he embraced with all of his strength. Lena let some tears again "Big mouth look at me"

He tried to caress her cheek with his index finger the way Adam did to her...Being there with Levi made her feel so comfortable...It made her feel so protected and warm. Even though his touch was cold, all of him was from a coldness that made her feel butterflies...But it didn't freeze her. In fact, it was like he was the one melting her that time.

"These kinds of people are everywhere...And the worst of all, you can never guess at first which one they are...Only if you are very attentive and have years of experience" Levi said, looking deeply into her blue eyes that shined with sorrow and regret "I'm not telling you to lock yourself in a cage like I do. But be more careful with the people you think you can trust. For me and for you"

The ginger haired woman hugged him again...She just wanted him to thank him for everything. To make him feel all of the love she had for him. There were no words to explain how lucky she was for having a man like Levi... And even if he couldn't properly show it, then Lena would. 

And she did it with no regrets. 

...

The night had came suddenly, just like falling asleep...

In a poor bar in Stohess, two mysterious men talked with each other alone, only hearing the hair of the bottles of wine and whisky.

"So I'm guessing you couldn't convince the girl" A figure in a chair, covering his face with a hat said. 

That bar in Stohess was already empty. More likely because two soldiers of the Military police scared them all of. The curly haired soldier was also sitting in a chair, only with a cup of whisky on his hand.

"No, she's not as naive as I thought she was. But I should've known, she's head over heels for that midget and he's always glued to her" Adam commented, rolling his brown eyes as he remembered the past interaction with the raven haired man and the freckled cheeks.

"Midget? You know he's probably not much smaller than you" The figure that had the face covered with a hat and the legs resting on the table said.

"Does that matter?" Adam asked, frowning his eyebrows in annoyance.

"Not at all, just never met a woman into short man" The figure chuckled with his coarse and husky voice.

"She's not very tall herself" The curly haired man put on a thoughtful expression as he took a gulp of his whisky "On one hand it's good...He's so head over heels for her that we can use it to our advantage when things start to take action"

"That won't probably happen any soon. We can't act right now...There's no confirmation and things are still very green what about the oldest siblings, that aristocrat's wife and that shoemaker from Wall Rose?"

"The oldest we have wrapped around our finger, he gets along with some MP's from that place. But from what I heard, the middle child is already asking protection until it's confirmed.To the youngest it won't be needed since she's in the Survey Corps. We can't do anything yet" Adam answered, resting his head on his thumb.

The figure under the hat that had his legs rested on the table in front of him let some chuckles in amusement.

"How poetic it is..."

Chapter Text

"I'm sorry but these documents don't prove shit" Peter complained as he and Louise sat on the dinner table as they analysed those papers and papers.

A day had passed, the brown haired woman had stayed in her brother's house. They had spent the day before and that morning analysing those inheritance documents, letters and much more. Peter was skeptical about all that story his sister had told him, but Louise was convicted in finding out all of the truth of that strange mystery that had been going out around the house. 

Louise and Peter's brown hair were exactly the same. When they were illuminated though, their brown shade looked a little bit like Lena's. Peter and Lena's blue eyes were exactly the same, big and shiny, that had came from their father. The freckles, the smile and the little nose was similar in the tree of them. They still didn't understand from where Lena got her wild curly red hair, but their great grandmother mother used to say their great grandmother's hair was just like Lena's.

Louise frowned her eyebrows, trying even better to read those perfectly written letters and papers. Louise usually didn't wear any glasses, even if her vision was a bit worse she could read perfectly fine. But she insisted in wearing them to that occasion, just so she could observe every little detail of those documents

"There must be here something that clears this up..." Louise said, as she looked at the papers carefully. Her delicate hands turned each page observing everything about it. The way they were written, the calligraphy, the grammar, if there was something between the lines...But it wasn't in their favor "How could there not be anything?"

"Listen, I don't believe in anything you said. But if there was any paper or any document that proved your theory, it should be here. And if it's not here, then it was probably left in Shingashina. By now it must be in the stomach of a Titan" The brown haired man said, rolling his blue eyes, that were just like Lena's.

"It's not my theory and I don't believe it either. The Military Police started this and we have to defend ourselves how we can" Louise said serene, continuing insisting to read those letters better "I just wanted to find something to prove that it's not true..."

"Louise, nothing is going to happen to us. The MP's are great people and they wouldn't do anything" Peter crossed his arms and frowned his thick eyebrows. He was already out losing his patience.

That statement made the brown haired woman laugh. She had no idea what those soldiers had done to him, but his brain had been washed very well. Peter was going to find out the truth about the Military Police sooner or later and if he wasn't careful, it was going to be in a way that he wasn't going to enjoy.

"It's cute that you actually believe that..."

"You have much to talk. You should be worried about the Scouts, not the MP's" The brown haired contested.

"It wasn't a Scout that came to Herr to interrogate him about dad" Louise looked at Peter with a suspicious look on her face, as in a way to warn him that he had no idea what he was talking about "He didn't even have any courage to speak directly to me"

"That doesn't mean anything. You don't know what their true intentions are, so don't make hasty conclusions" Peter stroke back, frowning his eyebrows and facing his sister with a expression of someone with no patience left.

"Well that's exactly the problem. We don't know what their true intentions are" Louise sighed, looking down...

The brown haired woman knew they had to do anything to be careful. If they had found some document, or letter, anything to prove that what they were insinuating wasn't true...If they didn't do anything a great danger would come to them. And even if Louise had already asked protection to Herr with some Garrison soldiers, Peter and Lena were still at risk. Peter was at a bigger risk even so. Lena was under the guard of the Scout Regiment so that made her feel relieved. But Peter not only was alone, but he got along with the MP's as well.

She was worried...She wanted to protect her family at all costs, but if one of them didn't corporate that it wasn't even worth it. And worst of all, they hadn't found anything to prove anything.

Peter noticed his younger sister's stressful posture. His eyes went also down...Perhaps he was being a little insensitive, she did looked very worried about all of those things.

"Lou..." The brown haired man started, but was quickly received with a frowned and determinate woman.

"Let's just revise everything we have, shall we?" Louise asked one more time. Adjusting her glasses and looking at her brother with her convicted green eyes. Then, she started organizing all of those papers in the table "So, pappa was born in a very poor village in the center of Wall Maria. He never knew his father, he was raised by his mother and older siblings. Then at 7 he ran away and went to work to a property of a farm. It's everything father had always told us...The thing is just his unknown father. I bet that that's what is making the MP's being suspicious"

"Yes, but it was because he died before he was born. Dad always told us that" Peter continued skeptical and looked at her with one of his thick brown eyebrows raised.

"There is only three possibilities" Louise frowned put on a thoughtful expression "The first is that what the Military Police is thinking is not true, the second is that it is and father didn't know anything. And the third, is that father knew and he didn't tell us anything"

"I still want to know you came to that conclusion. Why would the MP's be so worried about our dad being the bastard son of some rich guy?" Peter asked "I think it's all a big story you're writing in your head"

"Look I don't know, ok?? What I know is that they won't rest until they find evidence and go look for us" Louise said, already with some tears falling down her chubby cheeks. She rarely cried, so if that brown haired woman was crying, there was no doubt that it was a serious matter.

Peter looked down one more time.

He had no doubts that his sister was making a storm in a glass of water. But at the same time, she looked really worried and scared. All he wanted to do was to shake her and tell her to wake up, that she was worried over nothing. But Louise wasn't a headstrong and emotional like he and Lena were, she was much more rational and controlled. So there really was something that was worrying her. 

But even so, Peter didn't believe that it was the Military Police that was behind it.

"I just want the rest of our family to be safe...We already lost our parents...I don't want lose you or Lena or Herr or my children or your wife or your children" The brown haired woman said, while the tears fell down her cheeks "So please, Peter...Promise me...Promise me you will be careful..."

"Don't be silly, nothing is going to happen to us..." Peter tried to say, already awkward by all situation "And what about Lena? Do we tell her or what?"

"Of course, we have to tell her..." Louise calmed herself down with a deep breath and cleaned the tears on her green eyes "I don't care if you are mad at her, she's still our little sister and we need to protect her"

"Who do you think I am, Lou? I would always protect her and you, it doesn't matter if we're angry at each other" Peter insisted with confidence as he looked into her eyes with confidence and determination.

Louise nodded his head as they looked into each other's eyes with shivers on their spine. They weren't sure of what was going to happen, all they knew was that they had to be there for each other, otherwise, nothing would play out the way they wanted.

...

The nurses were finally ready to receive the injured soldiers after the capture of the female Titan. They still hadn't received any kind of information, but they knew it had probably been a very hard battle that the scouts were going to fight until the end. And for that, they needed to see if everything was in their right place. Such in physical and in psychological health.

Of course, they had the usual reunion of nurses in the oldest's office.

The five of them were already standing next to each other, each one with their aprons, tied hair and determinate expressions on their faces. Rudella, with the same simple greyish black dress until her chins and white apron, her already going grey hair covered in a kerchief, faced them with a serious look.

All of her posture was from a leader, all of her transmitted respect. She had been like that since she was only 19, when she had first joined the Scout Regiment. Never was someone to play around or not to take her job seriously. Always handing the papers on time, always organized, always responsible and also very talented. There was no wonder she became the best and the most dedicated nurse.

But her dynasty was going to end soon...

"Good morning, ladies. I'm glad that all of you came" Rudella started supporting her hands on her desk and facing those women, who were listening to her very attentive "Before saying my usual words of motivation, I have something really important to say to all of you. So I'm going to be straight forward about it"

All of the nurses tensed at the oldest colleague's words.

An important announcement? They wondered what Rudella was going to announce. She was never a person of grande things, being always discreet, straight forward and not liking exaggeration. So if the grey haired woman was announcing something with that much suspense, it was because she was talking about something really important.

Lena was dressed with the same long dark brown pleated skirt, and a white apron . Her usual beige blouse that tucked in her skirt and the flower beige kerchief covering all of her wild hair. She gulped...What would Rudella announce?

Rudella took a deep breath, and faced those five women one more time.

"I'm going to retire soon" She casually said.

The nurses gasped at that information. Their eyes and mouths were wide opened because of what the oldest colleague had just said.

Lena looked at her with the same shocked expression. She was sure that Rudella was going to stay in the Scout Regiment until she died. She wasn't the young woman she once were and wasn't getting any younger, but she still was the same dedicated person who never failed. It didn't seem real that she was going to retire.

Still, the gingerhead was very disappointed. Even with her strict and demanding persona, she had gain a special place for that old and grumpy woman on her heart. Everyone had her on their hearts. Behind all that grumpiness and discipline, she was a softy who were always defending them against everything and everyone, and who always pulled their ears when they needed to.

"Retire? Ms. Rudella, when?" Helga asked, also with her eyes and mouth widened.

"Two weeks from now" Rudella replied serenely, like she had already rehearsed that before.

"So it's just like that? You'll leave without even giving us an explanation?" Evelyn asked, raising one of her thick black eyebrows and facing Rudella with her dark brown eyes observing her figure. Her tone wasn't of shock, but more of curiosity. Although deep inside, she was also surprised and disappointed by that information.

"Evelyn...I'm not getting any younger. This job is already something that can harm my health, it takes a lot of time and strength" Rudella tried to remain serene, but always serious "I've served the Survey Corps with everything I had in my life for 50 years... I think it's fair that I also get some rest at peace before I die..."

The room had suddenly became silent. Everything Rudella had said was true. She had always dedicated her heart and soul to the Scout Regiment, it had been her purpose since she was only a 19 year old. She never really wanted to have children, and through her fertile years, she would always asked constantly why she had never formed a family, why she had never got married or settled in. And her answer was always the same 'My home and my family are the soldiers from the Survey Corps'. And of course, she would get judged. 'You will regret not settling in, they said', 'You will change your mind with the time', they said.

At the end of the day, Rudella didn't regret any of her choices. She had gained the respect of the scouts all through the airs. Even Commander Erwin Smith and Captain Levi had a deep respect for her. Those had been 50 years serving that cause, even if it was at the backstage.

Lena stared at the old woman with shiny eyes...There was no doubt that Rudella was born for that job.

"We respect your decision, Mrs. Rudella. But if I ask...Who will command the nurses from that moment on?" Gabriele asked, always with her soft and bright voice.

"I already treated everything." Rudella answered straight forwardly "The person who is going to substitute me is Berthe. She has always been my right hand and I'm sure she's going to be a great 'Commander' of the nurses. And she said she'd be honored"

They all looked at Berthe with smiles on their faces, leaving the blonde woman smiling awkwardly. She wasn't as demanding and strict as Rudella was, but she also helped them whenever they needed and was very professional. Besides, there weren't doubts that she could also be strict when she needed to.

Lena gave a bittersweet smile and shiny eyes...She was very happy for Berthe and she had no doubts she was going to be a great substitute for Rudella. But her heart couldn't stop thinking about how much she was going to miss that woman. She had so much patience for always pulling her ears since the gingerhead had arrived her and helped her grow a lot. She was going to miss her...She was going to miss that woman a lot.

The nurses looked at Rudella one more time. They were all going to miss her. After all, it was Rudella, the 'Commander' of the nurses who was going away. It was like Scout Regiment was going to lose a part of its essence and identity.

Lena couldn't take it anymore, the tears were already falling from her cheeks...

"Don't look at me like that. I'm going to continue visiting the Scout Regiment" Rudella said, frowning her eyebrows. Anyone could notice she was trying her best not to start crying "And besides, I'm still going to be here for a week. So save your tears for the farwell"

The gingerhead looked front and observed all of the nurses trying to save her tears. Rudella hadn't been just a role model to her, but to every woman inside of that room. Especially the ones who were there for longer time. If Lena was already hurt hearing that new, she couldn't imagine what the others were feeling. Even Evelyn who wasn't much of a soft person was trying to keep the tears from falling.

"We know, Ms. Rudella...This is just too much baggage for us to handle..." Lena said in a more quiet tone, trying her hardest to keep the tears from falling.

"Yeah...For the first time I agree with the nun..." Evelyn crossed her arms to hide her vulnerability.

"Now, come on... We should be happy for Ms. Rudella. She has the right to rest after all of this years" Gabriele said softly, putting both of her arms and in the dark haired and ginger haired women. She gave her old colleagues soft smile, even though she was fighting the tears as well "We are eternally grateful for your help, Ms. Rudella. You are truly a nurse that will be remembered"

Rudella smiled awkwardly with her wrinkled face, closing her eyes. The other nurses only looked at her already feeling the emotion coming.

What would the Scout Regiment be without Rudella?

...

"I can't believe Ms. Rudella is really going away..." Lena said as she organized her office with Judy by her side "I really thought she was going to be here until she was really old"

The middle age woman and the young nurse were at the ginger haired woman's office. Judy was needing more material for the first aid quit, so she decided to ask Lena for more cotton and needles. Since she was the one who took care of the less injured soldiers, the first aid quit was what she used the most.

The freckled cheeks was sitting in her own desk with a broom on her hands, she had just finished cleaning it all, and Judy was taking a look at the first aid quit in the office's drawer.

"And you have been only here for a few months, imagine us who had her teaching us since we were young Rudella had always dedicated herself to this..." Judy said, as she picked up some cotton, alcohol and needles "I bet even after she retires she's going to continue watching us to make sure we don't make any trouble"

Judy was right...The gingerhead had only been there a few months and she was already feeling to be very strange and different. She couldn't believe what the oldest ones were feeling. Even Evelyn who was usually so haughty looked very bothered and vulnerable to that situation. After all, it had been a shocking thing to all of them.

Every soldier had a deep respect for her as well...They wondered how Commander Erwin was feeling about that situation. 

"On the bright side, Berthe is now getting a promotion" Lena said with a smile in a freckled face "One day it's going to be you, Judy!"

The middle aged woman seemed surprised to that comment and felt the heat rising to her cheeks, taking the eyes off the material and looking at the gingerhead.

"Have you hit your head? Me the leader of the nurses of the Scout Regiment? I can't even organize a birthday party" Judy laughed, but also feeling very awkward in that situation. Anyone could notice that by seeing her scratch her net in embarrassment.

"Are you serious? But you were always telling me what to do when I first got here" Lena chuckled when she noticed the middle aged woman reaction "And you're always comforting Helga when she feels more down. And always pulling my ears when I need. Not only you are kind, but you also are demanding. I'm sure you would be a greatly great leader"

Judy looked at the freckled cheeks with surprise on her face. Now those statements wasn't what she expecting to hear. But the younger nurse was kinda right. A good leader couldn't be just kind as well as not just demanding. It was important to exist the balance between the two of those. Someone considerate and understanding, but also tough and direct. And Lena thought that Judy was the perfect balance of those.

"N-No, don't say those silly things that I get all embarrassed" Judy said with a smile and blushed cheeks "Well...But I can't say that...If Berthe said no, I wouldn't mind to take her place. Only it's a really big responsibility"

"Well...All of us are expected at least one time in our lives to do a job that surpasses us" Lena shrugged her shoulders as she gave the middle aged woman another grin "You sounded like me when the Reverend Mother asked me if I wanted to come to the Scout Regiment. I'm sure you would do that job better than those doctors of Wall Sina"

"If that's really what you think, thank you so much..." Judy replied, giving the ginger haired woman a kind smile, as well as two blushed cheeks "And what about you? Where do you want to take a career in medicine"

Lena frowned her thick eyebrows and put on a thoughtful expression.

There wasn't much she could do with her education...She wasn't any graduated doctor and most of the study she had made was by herself reading books. Only five years in a convent with nuns that taught the basic things. But she couldn't deny, she did had always an idea on mind when she thought about that.

The ginger haired woman gave Judy a big smile and shiny eyes.

"Well...By first I wanted to finish my studies and become a full doctor, with a degree and everything" The freckled cheeks smiled excitedly "And then...I would love to open a children's hospital"

Judy also seemed surprised, but also soft with her reply.

"A children doctor? I think it really suits you" The brown haired nurse replied, also with a kind grin "But do you think you'll able to finish your studies?"

"I don't know...One day...When the Titans are gone...It's something I really wanted to do..." Lena smiled dreamily to the ceiling, still holding her hands on the broom and sitting in her desk.

The middle aged woman looked at the side with what she had said. Lena seemed awfully certain about what she had said, but could she be really able to fulfill her dream? The gingerhead seemed so hopeful and dreamy. It wasn't any new to her that she was a dreamer, but could she really be naive to the point where just saying like that?

KNOCK!

KNOCK!

KNOCK!

As the two nurses heard someone knocking on the door, they turned their heads to it.

"You may enter!" The gingerhead replied to the knocks.

Her heart stopped beating when she noticed a short raven haired man, with the same white buttoned shirt, white cravat, black pants and black jacket on his shoulders. Piercing greyish blue eyes and always softened when he saw her, and burned with a light. His soft lips, that always met hers with sensitivity, but at the same time with a passion that devoured her Her eyes seemed to melt at his sight...He was the most beautiful person on the Walls...

"Levi?" Lena gave him the biggest smile she could have and her blue eyes that shined once she saw him. Then she noticed she called him by his first name in front of Judy. What was once a melted expression, suddenly turned out to nervousness "I-I mean C-Captain Levi"

Judy gave her a malicious smile as she chuckled at her nervousness, and all of that scene in general. Levi had also a little bit of awkwardness, however he was trying to hide better than Lena. Youth love was just something else for her...

"Good morning, Captain" The brown haired said, trying not to chuckle at that adorable scene.

"Good morning" Levi said dryly, but at the same time a little bit embarrassed "I'm sorry, I just wanted to-"

"Wow look at the time! I need to go clean and organize my office" Judy gave the freckled cheeks a smile and took the materials of Lena's first aid quit in her stitched bag "Thank you so much for your material, dear"

"Don't be silly, Judy. You don't even need to thank me" Lena replied with an embarrassed grin as she looked down. Having Judy and Levi at the same room was strange, but at the same time was very comforting.

"See you" The brown haired woman caressed her shoulder gently and gave her another smile. 

Then, Judy put on a playful expression and winked at her, which made the ginger haired woman immediately be more nervous than she should. Starting scratching the back of her neck in embarrassment.

"B-Bye, Judy" Lena replied with a kind smile.

Levi stepped aside from the door in order to make space for the middle age woman to pass. As she got closer to the door, she gave him a kind, yet playful grin. As in a way of saying 'Good luck, it's now your turn to deal with her', to which Levi looked at the side embarrassed. There went his plan of being discreet to the window...And he thought Lena would be first the one to ruin it with her big mouth.

Still, he also didn't hate when people knew they were together. It was more a matter of safety. In fact, he wouldn't mind to show her off to people and making them know that she was with him. With no one else, just with him. And of course he wouldn't ever try to hide her. If they were in a different situation, maybe he would show her off just fine.

"Come on, spill the beans. What did you come here to do? N-Not that I'm complaining or anything" Lena asked, still sitting in her desk with a silly smile.

"Tch I came to see if your office wasn't a pigsty" Levi replied raising one of his eyebrows as he looked around the office. It was clean indeed, but he wasn't surprised since she was holding a broom. She probably had just finished cleaning it.

"Ohh...Does that mean 'It was because I missed you' in the language that ice cubes speak?" Lena asked with a playful smile in her freckled cheeks. 

Levi flushed at that sentence. Slowly Lena was starting to understand his language and he wasn't sure if he liked it or not. He couldn't just say to her straight on her face that he had missed her, he would die stuttering and it would be too embarrassed. He would just ruin everything...

Maybe with Lena understanding it could mean that he would be able to express himself in his own way, things wouldn't be so complicated and strange to him.

"You sure are full of yourself" Levi said, as he came closer to the ginger haired that was conveniently, sitting on her desk.

"That doesn't really answer my question, you know?" Lena chuckled with a cocky smile.

After some seconds in silence, the raven haired was finally in front of her. He looked her face up and down, and he could already see the blush that was forming on her cheeks. That made her completely irresistible...The only thing off was her wild hair hidden in a kerchief, which was annoying him, but at the same time, her face showing off more.

Lena's heart beat so fast that she seriously thought she was going to faint just in there. The raven haired's piercing grey eyes were analysing her up and down...Those weren't only the soft warm eyes and looked at her, they were full of fire...It was like he was going to devour her just by turning his gaze to her.

The ginger haired gulped and closed her eyes as he started putting his face closer to hers...

"Does this answer your question?" Levi whispered on her ear in such a tone, that made Lena completely weak...

Suddenly, he pressed their lips together in a heated and passionate kiss. It had been different from their other kisses, this time it was more intense, magnetic and fiery.

Lena tried to dominate with her tongue with difficulty putting her hands around his neck. But the Captain was much stronger and pressed his hands on her thick thighs, to show her who was was in charge of that situation. That resulted in another sigh of hers between the kisses...And that was music to his ears...

 His skin made shivers on the gingerhead's spine, all of him was from a coldness and mysteriousness that made her feel such different sensations. The fact that he responded with soft moans also helped that...She had never really understood of how badly she needed him...Since his soft raven haired to his feet. And when he put his cold skin with her warm one, no one could describe but her...All of his touch was making her mad. And she was getting already addicted to it...

"W-Wait, L-Levi" Lena separated their lips, both of them breathing heavily to all of that tensions. Levi's eyes were full of hunger, and that was making her so weak... "T-This is m-my work place"

"And what about it?" Levi simply whispered on her ear one more time, always in his husky and desperate tone...

Before she could say protest anything else, the raven haired man grabbed her thighs a bit tier to support his hands and lowered his head, making his way towards the gingerhead's neck. Levi started kissing it, slowly so she could get adjusted to that...

And, just as he was expecting, the ginger haired woman was already letting soft moans.

Lena really didn't want to put on those shows at her work place. But his touch just made her completely out of her mind...She just couldn't think straight with all of those new sensations she was feeling. It felt so wrong and sinful...But at the same time, it was Levi. So, would it be wrong to enjoy feeling those things with the person she loves?

Levi knew he had found her sweet spot, when he heard her let a gasp. He gave a smirk and started licking and kissing even deeper. Lena was already feeling that she was going to be without air...

The gingerhead let quiet moans and gasps while the raven haired Captain continued kissing from her neck to her collarbones. She really shouldn't be doing that, but at the same time, the last thing she wanted was him to stop. Damn Levi, he knew perfectly what he was doing. If she wasn't all drowning with his touch, she would punch his arm.

The raven haired man let go of the top of her ties and just wrapped his arms around her waist to take her to another passionate and fiery kiss. He also let low moans of just feeling that stubborn and unbearable woman melting with his touch. Lena put her arms around his neck one more time and leaned in to taste every little thing of that kiss...

Sometimes, they stopped in the middle of those heated kisses, to take heavy sighs and just appreciating their breathless and blushed expressions...

Levi growled...All he wanted to do was to lie her down in her desk and step forward in the process. But he had to contain it...He knew Lena wasn't ready, even if she had never told him. She was a woman devoted to religion, and all of those things were very complicated.

Maybe if they had gone to another room, they could enjoy other things and be more comfortable. But for now, they had been enough..

Levi finally took his lips away from her and just rested his head on her shoulder, with his face right on her neck. Even if he wasn't kissing it, it still gave shivers on her spine feeling those heavy breaths against neck...
 
"S-Sometimes I feel that... You really want me to faint and beat my head on the ground..." Lena sighed with a tired smile.

"Maybe" Levi said, still with the face on her neck.

"You're an idiot, you knew perfectly I don't like this kind of shows in my work place. I am a nurse of respect" Lena grouched to the side, still very red on her checks.

"Really..." The raven haired finally lifted his head to meet hers "You weren't complaining before were you?"

"S-Stop, you're a shameless man... A..." Lena tried to say but Levi was already kissing her face again "A... dark haired and...And a handsome shameless man..."

The raven haired man left his lips from her face and faced her again. They were so close...It had been a while since Levi had been so close to someone. Especially with Lena, who he wouldn't mind to stand like that with forever.

The ginger haired put her hands on his cheeks and caressed them with a silly and tired smile on her faced.

"I came also to say goodbye. You know we have the expedition today" Levi said, already with his eyes full of fear "I won't be participating but... Who knows what can happen?"

"Then don't say goodbye, please..." Lena asked desperately "Say... See you later. Every time one of us has to go away... Whatever the place, we'll say 'see you later'"

Levi gave her a small smile, as she continued caressing her cheeks delicately with all the love she had.

"See you later, then..."

...

Peter and Louise were still drinking tea and talking in the kitchen when a tall, strawberry blonde woman, perhaps in her early 30's walked in the room. Along with two children, a boy around his 7 years old and a little 5 year old girl. The boy with light brown hair and blue eyes and the little girl with the same hair color as her mother, as well as the same blue eyes.

"Aunt Lou good morning!" the boy smiled and ran towards the brown haired woman sitting in the chair as he ran towards her.

"Ohh good morning my little misfits!" Louise smiled, already with the two children sitting on her lap and hugging her. Then she turned to the strawberry blonde woman "Good morning, Aurora"

"Good morning, Louise. Did you sleep comfortably?" Aurora asked coming closer to the brown haired man, who just picked up the newspaper with a sigh.

"Yes I did, thank you... The bedroom was lovely" Louise answered, caressing those little children.

"Aunt Lou are you going to stay here for long?" the little girl asked, still hugging tightly her aunt.

"Only for today, Gretel. Uncle Herr is going to pick me up in the afternoon" Louise replied giggling at her nephew and niece.

"Why can't you be here for longer?" the little 7 year old complained.

"And what about Johanna and Lucia? Why can't they come?" Gretel asked one more time. That little girl spent all day asking for the brown haired woman's daughters.

Lucia was born at the year Wall Maria fell, so she was only a few months older than Karl, Peter's older son. Johanna was 3. They loved playing with each other and they had been seeing in a long time.

"Come on, don't bore your aunt. She's very tired from tonight's reading" Peter said as he got up and gave a lovely peck to his wife.

"And aunt Lena? She never came here to visit us anymore" Karl said with a sad tone of voice.

Louise sighed...

Their children absolutely adored Lena. Whenever the adults were talking with each other, she was always playing and spending time with them until they were tired and went to sleep. And, of course, the gingerhead ended up the day completely exhausted. She ended up lying on the couch having conversations with the other adults already a bit sleepy.

She organized shows with plays and sonte for them to perform to their parents, she sang songs with them that she played with her guitar, she climbed trees with them, she went to swim in the river... And of course, whenever someone behaved badly, she didn't hesitate to punish them.

Lena hadn't been with them since a few weeks before she had left the convent to the Scout Regiment. And those children missed her very dearly.

"Well I saw aunt Lena at the Military Ball. And she told me once she has a free week, she's going to visit us and your cousins" Louise told them with a kind smile "She's going to stay here all week with you"

"Yess!!" both of the children celebrated.

Louise looked at Peter, who was just looking at the table. Then, she took a sigh...She knew perfectly how her brother was one hell of a stubborn man, kind of like Lena was. So it wouldn't be easy for him to accept her new job and affair with a Scout. But the green eyed woman knew he would soon give it up because he loved his younger sister too much.

"Lou, do you want to eat something?" Aurora asked as she prepared the breakfast for the children. It wouldn't be much, since they weren't from a rich family like Louise was. Two breads with butter would do the job.

"No thanks, dear. I already drank some tea" Judy replied with a kind smile. Then, she looked down to her nephew and niece with a playful look "And you two, go eat breakfast"

Gretel and Karl left the brown haired woman's lap and went to sit on the table with them, ready to eat breakfast. It was still early, perhaps around 11 o'clock. Louise and Peter had waken up hours ago. As the strawberry blonde woman was serving the warm milk to the children, Louise rested her hand on her head.

Suddenly, she started hearing some weird noises. Her eyesight might not be the best, but she compensated that with her audition. It weren't almost unrecognizable, but if she payed more attention she could listen to them perfectly. They sounded like steps on the ground...

"Aren't you hearing anything?" Louise asked with her thick brown eyebrows frowned.

The two adults looked at her with confused expressions. 

"I'm not hearing anything. Are you?" Peter replied, looking at his wife.

"Well...Now that you mention it, I hear some noises coming from a distance" Aurora said, frowning her eyebrows and attentive eyes, in an attempt to listen to it more carefully.

"Or I'm the only deaf here, or you women reach a point when you hear things" The brown haired woman raised an eyebrow.

Then, the sound started increasing and increasing...And as they noticed, the land started shaking...

...

A whole morning had passed in the blink of an eye. It was already evening, and the sun was almost setting. The youngest soldiers, expect for Mikasa, Armin and Eren had gone to another building in Wall Rose. The rest of them had gone to Stohess with the goal of finally capturing the female Titan.

But it was almost evening...There was no sign of the soldiers coming back...

Lena waited patiently on her office waiting for any alarm or soldier coming through the door. But as much as she waited, nothing was heard.

The ginger haired woman was starting to get worried...She looked at the table with worry on her eyes. She couldn't stop thinking about all of the possibilities. But at the same time, she convinced herself that it was still early. After all, they appeared at sunset. Lena couldn't think that way...She had to think that everything had went well.

But just to confirm, the gingerhead touched the white rosary on her neck and looked at the ceiling.

"Please, my God...Don't let anything happen to the soldiers, to my sugarplums and to my Captain Ice Cube..." Lena said, closing her eyes in despair "I know I wasn't quite the example some hours ago and I'm always asking the same things but this isn't about me...Let them come back here safe and sound. I ask you with all my heart...In the name of the father, of the son and of the holy spirit. Amen"

Lena blessed herself and turned her eyes to the table one more time. The gingerhead couldn't even think that something had happened. But at the same time, something told was telling her to go straight up to them. Like a siren call. Her mind was just on Eren, Armin, Mikasa, Moblit, Hange and all of the other soldiers. Petra, Gunther, Eld and Oruo were already dead...And she couldn't bare to lose any of them...

And, of course there was Levi.

Even if the freckled cheeks knew that he was Humanity's Strongest Soldier, that didn't stop her from being frightened that he couldn't come back by each time they went out on an expedition. Lena couldn't imagine herself without him...She needed him more than anyone else on the Walls. She needed to ear his voice, to feel his touch, to hug him with all the strength she had and to kiss him with all of her love. They still needed to grow so much together and to live adventures. Even between all of that chaos, she still was certain that they could be happy together...

That journey had only been starting, it couldn't end like that. And Lena was sure God would protect him from happening. Although that didn't make her feel any relaxed.

Suddenly, someone opened the door and the ginger haired woman felt some hope. Her eyes suddenly went sadder when she saw Rudella breathing heavily in the door.

"Ms. Rudella? What's wrong?" Lena asked confused from seeing the old woman on that state.

"We need to leave to Hermina right now. Pack all of your things this minute and go outside. There's a carriage waiting for us" Rudella alarmed, making the gingerhead feel even more confused.

"But...What on the Walls happened for you being such on a hasty?" Lena asked, feeling completely confused and numb to all of what was going on.

"Shut up and do what I say. It's a matter of life and death" Rudella insisted, looking at her with a serious expression no one had even seen in the oldest nurse.

Then she took a deep breath and looked deeply into the ginger haired woman's blue eyes, that were wide opened staring at her. She frowned her eyebrows.

"The Titans have breached Wall Rose"

Lena's whole world stopped when Rudella said that one and simple sentence.

"We don't have time for shocking faces. Grab your things and let's leave" Rudella ordered, going back to the corridors already with her bags.

The ginger haired woman said nothing and did what the oldest nurse had told her to, but still not processing everything that was going on just then.

...

The nurses and some soldiers that had came to protect them were already putting all of their things in the carriage ready to go in the direction of Stohess. It was the only way to keep them all face and farther away from the Titans. 

Judy, Evelyn, Helga, Gabriele, Rudella, Berthe were already inside ready to go. All of them were completely lost, devastated and frightened. All of that didn't look real and they had no idea what it was going to bring. There was only one of them missing.

"Elena! There you are!" Rudella called her, worried for the ginger haired being taken that long.

Lena stood in front of the carriage looking down. She knew what she have to do, but she wasn't sure if they weren't going to let her.

"I'm sorry but I can't go with you to Hermina" Lena said, looking at them with her sorrowful blue eyes.

"Are you crazy, nun?? Enter in the carriage and shut your mouth" Evelyn complained, although still with a smooth voice.

"Wait, Evelyn. Let Elena speak" Rudella said, this time more serene and calmer "Why can't you go with us? Where do you want to go?"

"My brother and my family live in a village to the east. I need to go see if they're alright at all costs" Lena said, trying her best to remain calm. But deep inside she was almost having a panic attack to all that information "And my convent...I need to see the sisters!"

The moment Rudella mentioned the Titans had breached Wall Rose, the first thing she had thought was her brother and his family. And she suddenly had flashbacks of the fall of Shingashina. She couldn't let anything happen to them, it couldn't be like the first time. Some seconds later, the picture of Wall Rose's convent passed through her mind as well.

Lena was completely frightened that any of them could see her shaking and her eyes weren't that bright.

"I understand your worry. But it was reached to me that all of the refugees are already somewhere safe" The old woman said in an attempt to calm the woman.

Suddenly, the flashbacks came back to her again...

"SHE'S PROBABLY IN A BOAT ALREADY! WE HAVE NO CHOICE! WE HAVE TO LEAVE!" Patricia cried hopelessly as the Titan was came even closer.

"NO!" The ginger haired woman stepped on the ground, already with tears forming on her eyes "I have to go to them!!"

"Elena, get in the carriage and everything will be alright" The old woman insisted, serenely as always. She knew how Lena had passed through two moments like that, so she knew getting angry and complaining at her wouldn't do anything.

"You don't understand....!!" Lena cried, with all of the memories of Shingashina coming back to her to haunt her "I can't let it happen again...! I have to be there to protect them!!"

"Elena, we understand your worry but orders are orders" Rudella affirmed firmly "Besides even if they are at danger? What can you do to protect them? You're no soldier"

"I don't know... But I'm sure there's something I can do...!" Lena insisted, obviously not thinking straight with all that was going on "I can't let it happen again... I can't be a useless brat again... I can't lose my family again!!!"

"If you want to help your family, you're going to enter in the carriage!" The old woman ordered one more time "If the information is that refugees are already safe, it's because they are. You're not going to put yourself at danger like this, it's completely reckless"

Lena only wanted to climb into a horse and to go see if her brother, his wife and her nephew and niece were alright. She was wasting her time, she needed to help them and to see if they were at danger. Perhaps some months ago, she would've done just that without listening to anyone. But on the moment, the ginger haired woman covered her broken face and took a deep breath.

She needed to calm herself down...She couldn't act on her instinct and emotions that time...

"Come on, Lena. Come here. You're going to be with us" Helga said kindly, reaching her hand towards the ground.

Still, crying her eyes out and feeling that same tightness on her chest, Lena took the blonde nurse's hand and got herself in the carriage. Adjusting herself inside, which would be hard because they were 6 and the transport was already pretty full, she only looked at the ground. 

Then, the carriage started moving in direction of Hermina district in Wall Sina. Her mind couldn't stop thinking about her family and if they were alright...She couldn't lose them, she couldn't lose them... They had already lost their families...Lena would collapse, she would explode. Karl was only 7 and Gretel was only 5. They had just came into the world. Aurora was a sweet woman, whom the gingerhead grew to love. And Peter was her older brother...Even if at that time they were more separated.

Lena cursed herself...If she had only spent more time with them...If only she had chosen things differently...

"Lena, don't think that they are at danger yet..." Judy said, putting an arm on her shoulder "I'm sure they are already safe in Hermina..."

Lena nodded her head, still looking at the ground. Judy was right...She needed to have hope. Hope was the last thing to die. And if they said they were with the other refugees, it was because they probably were...

If God was with them, then they were alright...

Chapter Text

With the carriage trip, the sunset came soon.

The capture of the female Titan had been a complete failure. Not only the district of Stohess had been

almost completely devastated, they had lost so many innocent lives and they couldn't even complete the mission. Annie Leonhart had frozen herself in a layer of a strange indestructible material. Which made all of those efforts in vain. They only hoped they could find anything, any time soon.

Levi walked through the corridors of the building with a frown on his face. Just thinking about that mission made him want to punch someone...Especially on that moment the MP's were all over the Scout Regiment. Erwin to be more specific. Treating him like he was some kind of criminal...

"Tch" Levi said under his breath as he continued walking.

All he wanted was to get the hell out of here with the other soldiers to the Headquarters. But all of his hopes went down when he heard the voice of a soldier saying...

"The Titans have breached Wall Rose!"

Levi's greyish blue eyes widened in panic once he heard that information...

No, that couldn't be....How was it even possible?

The raven haired man changed direction and almost running, since he couldn't make too much an effort, planned on going to the directions of the base.

There was only thing on his mind on that moment. And that was if the ginger haired woman was safe and sound...Lena had promised him...She had said 'see you later'. Or was his happiness finally coming to an end?

Levi shook his head. That wasn't what mattered in the moment and he couldn't lost his composure. He needed to be fully minded and rational the way he always was...But his heart wasn't contributing to it. Every time he thought something had happened to her, no one could explain the pain and the tightness that he felt.

After that, they were probably going to Wall Rose to eliminate the Titans. And as he heard, Hange was probably already thinking some crazy thing of hers.

Levi only had to hope everything went well...

...

"But how do you not know anything?? Why are you part of the Garrison then, to go sit in a bench and making houses of cards??" Lena screamed at a random Garrison soldier at the refugees' post.

"I already told you, young lady. We can't know every person's name. If they're not here then they're not here. Period" The tall soldier stated, firm as a rock as he faced the small ginger haired woman.

"What are you even saying?? They have to be in here!!! Don't tell me that you graduated in the military academy of cockroaches!!!" Lena shouted, already getting desperate and with no patience.

After they had arrived in Hermina district, they had gone straight up to the post where the other refugees were. It wasn't permanent, after that they were probably going to another temporary headquarters. After all, they had to stay somewhere. Not every soldier was going to be fighting Titans.

"Lena, leave the poor man" Judy grabbed her by arm in an attempt to calm her down. Then she turned her face to the Garrison soldier "I'm so sorry, sir. She's just very exalted and frightened"

"I've noticed. You better control her, everyone is facing a difficult situation. Having crazy hysterical women in here will only distract more the refugees" The soldier said arrogantly, raising an eyebrow.

"But you go call crazy hysterical to another!!!" Lena exclaimed, trying to get closer to the soldier, but being immediately stopped by Judy.

"Hey, what have I told you? Let's go meet the other nurses" Judy said as she pushed the ginger haired woman to other side

"Great idea! Since no one can help me and the soldiers don't do anything, I'm going to preach for another land!!" Lena exclaimed to the soldier, losing completely her patience.

Judy pushed her back slowly do the ginger haired woman and her could get going. She understood how nervous and completely frightened Lena was. And that usually gave her off strange mood swings. One minute she was crying her eyes out and the other she was just shouting at everyone.

Judy hated her seeing her like that... But Lena also needed to calm herself down, because she wouldn't gain anything by being that way.

"Please Lena, I ask you to control a little more yourself... It's not going to help a lot the situation..." Judy said with her grave and a bit coarse voice, trying to make the gingerhead call down.

"That soldier was the one who was just standing there on a wall drinking beer and playing cards!" Lena grouched as she turned to Judy "What these men don't want is to work"

The two nurses walked together. They saw everyone crying in despair and sadness. They had lost everything they had to the Titans...Why was that world like that? Why was it so cruel that took everything that was good away?

When they were just reaching the place where the nurses were, suddenly they heard a voice.

"Lena!"

The gingerhead turned her head and couldn't believe what her eyes were seeing.

It was Levi...He was still dress with his every day clothes instead of the Scout Regiment's uniform. And he was looking at her with such despaired eyes that made her feel shivers on her spine. Without thinking of anything else, she started running towards him and as she reached him, she wrapped her arms around him a tight hug. As if she was looking for comfort in him...

"Levi! I'm so glad you're okay..." Lena cried to his chest, even if Levi hadn't noticed at first.

Levi also couldn't believe in what was happening. He couldn't even think of a response to that but to embrace her even tighter.

Lena was with him...She was alive...She was safe, healthy and was hugging him on that exact moment. Perhaps life was really giving him something in return for all of those losses. Perhaps she was really there to stay. The raven haired man knew it was too soon to say that, but he couldn't stop that lightening hope that was shining on his heart. Knowing that Lena was okay meant everything to him...

But then he noticed...She was crying to his chest. He could feel her tears falling on his buttoned up shirt and hear her hiccups.

He quickly separated from the hug to confirm and it was true. Lena was crying her eyes out...He had never seen her cry like that. Only some tears that fell but soon was back to the same big smile of hers. On that moment, she was crying for real...

"What's going on?" Levi simply asked in a worried tone.

"Oh man, tell me about it..." Lena cried without stop, her eyes were already redder than a tomato "I don't know anything about my family...I don't if they're in here or not and no one can tell me anything...This is the fall of Shingashina over and over and over again..."

Levi sighed. How he hated seeing her on that state...If he could help, he wouldn't even think twice. But there was nothing he could do...

"I'm sorry...I'm sure they're safe and sound somewhere" Levi said in a warm tone, that suddenly made her feel more hope.

"And what about the mission? How is everyone? Are they all safe?? What about my sugarplums??" Lena asked, in an even more worried voice. It seemed like it was going to a crack in a second...

"The mission was a failure" Levi answered bluntly with a sigh "Stohess is left a graveyard...Eren, Armin, Mikasa, Hange and Moblit and the rest of the soldiers are alright but it costed hundreds of innocent locals. And now we don't even have the female Titan"

Lena looked down and cried even more...Why was everything happening right on that moment? When there was finally a chance. They had finally a chance of discovering what was going on with that sick and cruel world. And Levi and Lena had finally a chance to be happy... Would all of that end eventually?

Could happiness... Really have an expiration date?

It wasn't like it wasn't usual to both of them. When they finally felt happy, there was always something that would break it away. But at least on that moment they had each other. Even if things were complicated, even if the whole world was burning, they had each other. And if that wasn't already the best thing in that cruel world, then what was?

"Sometimes I wonder why everything had to happen so suddenly..." Lena whispered, looking at the ground and letting some tears fall "Why Wall Maria had to fall, why it had to appear the Female Titan, why did all of this had to happen..."

Levi looked at the woman with despair and pain on his blue eyes. He asked himself the exact same thing. Why did everything had to happen like that. Why was the world like that. He still didn't have the answer, but the raven haired Captain wanted to find out soon. But at least Lena was okay. The worst thing they could do to him was to take her away from him. It was for her to suffer. Just thinking about that made him feel completely numb and despaired. And he knew

The raven haired man knew that Lena wasn't going to lose her hope. She never did. What was happening was just temporary, and he was certain that the ginger haired woman would go back to tell him how life was beautiful, even if it had those cruel moments.

"I know that this is supposedly to be God's plan...But I can't help but to questioning the reason..."

Levi embraced her one more time, and she wrapped her arms around his waist again. While that light of hers didn't shine, he was the one who had to stop from extinguish it. Jut like she stopped him from extinguish his. The faith of Humanity.

"Excuse me, miss!" a grave voice called, making Levi and Lena separate themselves. It was one of the Garrison soldiers that had been helping the refugees out since they started arriving "You're looking for the Häustler family right?"

Lena's heart started beating faster and faster with hope. If he knew her family that meant that they were in there. And that meant that they were alive and well. For the second time in the afternoon, the first being when she saw that Levi was alive and cried to his chest, she felt her chest already getting warm and lightening.

She knew hope wasn't lost...

"Yes!!! Please I beg you for everything that's more sacred to you can I see them??" Lena came closer to the soldier with Levi following her, to make sure she didn't make any crazy thing while she was in a complete despair.

Her blue eyes were red, full of anxiety and hopelessness. No one could blame her. After everything she had passed by, after losing both of her parents, it was normal that she had to make sure that the rest of her family was okay. And even if Lena hadn't lost anybody, she loved until the moon and all the stars together.

"Come with me, if you may" The blonde haired soldier said, touching her shoulder to make her walk front.

Then, Lena took a look at Levi in hopes he could go with her. But instead, he just stood there thoughtful watching her with pained eyes for seeing her in that state. The dark haired man needed to go with her, he needed to be with her always and to do for her whatever she needed. But that time, Lena had to go by herself, as much as it made him feel pain.

"I'm sorry. I have to go with Hange and the others" Levi said, that made Lena turned herself in front of him completely. He looked deeply into her eyes that were now sadder, to show her that he didn't want to leave her "I'm going to come back soon, don't worry"

Lena gave him a sorrowful sigh, but was substituted with a small and sad smile.

She couldn't lie and say that she was disappointed that he couldn't go with her. She felt much stronger when Levi was by her side, like she could conquer the whole Walls if she wanted to. And she needed his strength and courage to follow the soldier. But the raven haired Captain was still a soldier and he needed a job to fulfill. A job that was way more important a duty that needed to be done.

Levi knew Lena would be fine by herself, he knew that she was strong enough to do it.

"No worries. We'll meet later, Captain Ice Cube. Also, if you see my sisters of the convent, please tell me..." the gingerhead said looking at him with bright eyes. Then she held one of his hands tightly and kissed it tenderly "See you later"

Lena released his hand with a small and comforting smile and followed the Garrison soldier away. Subconsciently, the raven haired man reached out to her as she walked away. His eyes felt immediately more painful. He just wanted to be with her in that hard moment, maybe he couldn't do or say anything to make her feel better, but all he wanted was to at least be by her side.

Levi sighed with a small, almost unseen, smile. Lena was strong and he knew she was going to be fine on her own.

...

The ginger haired woman walked through Hermina district with the Garrison soldier. She didn't understand what they were doing in the town. Her family should be in the refugee space, unless they were in a different one.

It was a very cold night, a freezing breeze made shivers on her skin. Lena was feeling cold already. She had left her knitted coat with the rest of her things because all she could think about was finding our family.

Suddenly, the gingerhead saw the hospital of Hermina. She had never been on that district, she had never been to Wall Sina if not for her sister's wedding. It was a big hospital, he had heard it had a lot of doctors going in or out. Lena didn't quite understand how Wall Sina had such big hospitals if the people who were more likely to get diseases because of famine and poor conditions was in Wall Rose.

Suddenly, the Garrison soldier stopped in front of the building. The gingerhead frowned her eyebrows in confusion.

"B-But...But why are we stopping here?" Lena asked, making a more worried and frightened face that she had before.

"Your family is in the second floor. Apparently one of them got injured while they tried to run away from the Titans. So they got them here immediately after" The fall soldier explained.

Lena's heart was already beating faster again of fear and fright. Her blue eyes went darker and wide opened as she observed the dark hospital that now seemed to terrifying. She had always thought of hospitals as something bright and hopeful. Even if she had seen moments of suffering and sorrow, as she herself experienced with the death of her father, she had never seen hospitals as a bad place. On the contrary, it had always been a place of hope for her.

But on that moment, Lena was absolutely terrified to be in there...

Already inside the building, the ginger haired woman accompanied by the soldier started climbing up the stairs to reach the second floor. From the corridors, she could see entire families waiting for visits before entering the rooms full of people lying on a million beds... Some people would get good news, some people wouldn't...

Lena sighed one more time... She wasn't enjoying already that situation.

Then, they had finally reached the second floor. The soldier and the ginger haired woman looked over to the first door that led to the first room.

Lena opened widely her eyes and a giant smile painted her face once she saw her brother Peter, Aurora, Karl and Gretel in there with other families. All safe and sound, with not even a wound.

Without thinking twice, the ginger haired woman ran towards them, feeling already the heavy tears falling down her freckled cheeks and a weight going out of her shoulders.

"Guys!!!" Lena shouted as she ran towards her family.

"Aunt Lena!!" Karl and Gretel shouted.

Immediately, Lena got her knees to be at the same level as Gretel and Karl, and hugged them tightly with all the strength she had.

"I'm so happy you're okay, my sugarplums...." Lena whispered, still crying, hugging them and kissing them with all of her love.

"Lena!" Aurora also went next to her with the same shy and reserved smile, but sweet expression.

"Aurora!! You're okay too, I'm so glad!!" The gingerhead exclaimed, pinching the children's cheeks playfully in a way of leaving the hug. She stood up and also gave her sister in law a hug, crying her eyes out "This is a miracle..."

Then they separated themselves and Lena looked at Peter. The brown haired man was sitting in a chair, looking at her with pained eyes. He was also apparently okay, none of them were hurt so why were they on the hospital?

But to Lena it didn't matter, they were alive and okay and that's all she cared about. It had been a truly miracle...

"Peter..." Lena said with a small smile.

There was still a tension between the two of them. Both of them knew that things weren't the brightest, two feisty and stubborn personalities shocking in two topics. Two topics that they had opposite opinions on. But by that time, it was what mattered the less.

The brown haired man looked at his little sister with a pained expression as he got up from the chair and hugged her tightly. The gingerhead let some tears fall, she had missed her brother... And no matter the distance they or the tension they had nothing would change the love they felt for each other...

"I'm glad you're okay..." Peter whispered as he caressed her head gently.

"Me too... I missed you so much..." Lena replied, letting the heavy tears fall from her cheeks.

"Louise is hurt..." he whispered with a broken voice as he hugged tightly.

The ginger haired woman quickly separated from him and gave him dark and widened eyes. Her heart beating faster and her expression was from someone completely shocked and helpless.

"Louise? What does Lou have to do with this?" Lena asked. The brown haired man held her shoulders, but he didn't look at her straight in the eyes.

The freckled cheeks felt shivers on his spine...

The only time she had seen that expression in him was when they were told their father was dying and the other was after the fall of Wall Maria. His usual bright and spontaneous eyes that even though when he was grumpy shined so much were empty. Dull and with no life...He wasn't even looking into her eyes, and Peter was always straight forward...

"Louise came to visit us these two days to discuss some family business..." Peter explained. It was better if he didn't tell her yet what was going on "When the Titans attacked, we started running away with the other refugees from our village. But because of her dress she was the slowest of us, so one of the Titans that were attacking grabbed her"

Lena covered her mouth with her hands, as she opened widely her eyes, the tears continued falling and falling without stop. She felt a knife stabbing on her heart and slowly every organ...

"I told Aurora to run away with the children so I could fight him with an axe. Then a Scout appeared and she could kill it just in time. So she didn't die but she lost a lot of blood...We have already been since noon as they're treating her" Peter continued, still with his broken and helpless tone. Then, he grabbed the shoulders of his sister tightly as he looked at the ground completely desperate "The doctors don't think she's gonna make it..."

She just stared at Peter...Her head wasn't processing everything that was happening. Suddenly everything was a blur, her heart ached but at the same time she was pinching herself to see if it wasn't just a nightmare. There was still hope she could wake up and not remembering any of that...

"Don't tell the kids, please...They only think she's sick..." Peter said, still not looking directly to her eyes.

The ginger haired woman couldn't take it anymore...She fell on her knees and cried, cried and cried without stop. To let all of her despair away.

"Aunt Lena don't cry.  Aunt Lou is going to be fine" Gretel came closer to the freckled cheeks said with a lovely smile and hugged her while she was on the ground.

Then Lena looked at her. She decided to try her hardest to hold her tears. The kids needed her at that moment and she needed to pretend she was strong. She needed to pretend she was certain everything was going to be okay. She needed to pretend everything was okay...

But at the same time, the ginger haired woman asked if it didn't even make it worse.

"O-Of course she is..." Lena said with a forced smile as she held the strawberry blonde back "You know how I am a crybaby...I-I get emotional with these things..."

Lena sighed. She could lose her older sister...She could lose her calm and collected that was always pulling ears older sister...The gingerhead was still opening it was all a big nightmare, and that she was going to wake up soon. But at the same time, she needed to have hope. It was like Gretel was saying, she was going to okay...

Then she thought about Johanna and Lucia. If Louise didn't recover they could lose a mother. They had just came into the world and they could already lose their mother. Not to mention Herr...He was already taken away from his passion that was the Scouts, they could take the other thing that gave more meaning on his life. His wife for 7 years...The mother of his children...

Lena didn't even want to talk about it, all she needed to think about was her sister being okay. Silently, as Gretel and Karl was still hugging her, on the ground while she was with her back leaning on a wall of the Hospital, she started praying quietly. And praying and praying and praying...

She prayed without stop, there wasn't a single second when she wasn't praying. Even if she was talking with the children and trying to give them fake smiles to hold the tears, she was praying. On her head or whispering quietly. If there was a moment when she didn't want God to abandon her was that moment. She had even made a promise to him 'God, if my sister recovers, I'm going to start, or at least trying, to go to church every Sunday like I used to. I will never fail a mass, never...But please make my sister recover...'

Suddenly, Herr on his wheelchair, Johanna and Lucia arrived. Lena's blue eyes went their way and felt another knife stabbing her chest.

"Peter, Aurora, Lena where is my wife?" Herr immediately asked looking a the three adults with his blue eyes with a worry no one could describe.

"Can we talk in private, Herr?" Peter could only ask, still not looking directly at his eyes.

"Where is mamma? I want mamma" Lucia cried, as she climbed to the blonde man's lap.

"Lucia, stay here with Johanna and your cousins. Look, aunt Lena is there too" Herr said, with a smile on his face.

The gingerhead felt shivers on her spine. The way those adults were hiding what their true feelings were because of their children, just showed how much they loved them and Louise. Herr was smiling, but any grown up could see on his eyes he was completely frightened, he was despaired and helpless. But Lena knew that parents, good parents, do everything for their children. Including what it took for them to soft their suffering. The worst thing possible in the mind of a parent was their child suffering.

Peter and Herr went to the corridor to talk more by themselves. Johanna and Lucia, both with light brown hair and hazel eyes came closer to the gingerhead and hugged her tightly.

"Aunt Lena I want mamma! Where is she??" Johanna cried, holding Lena's tightly. She took a long sigh, and looked at the other children. 

"Your mamma is very sick, so she came to the hospital to get better. Didn't she, Karl and Gretel?" Lena asked the other children that were sat next to her with a forced smile on her face.

"But we want to see her!" Lucia said, holding the gingerhead as well.

"I'm sorry you can't right now...Your mamma needs a lot of rest, or else she won't be able to recover. You understand don't you, sugarplums?" Lena asked, her heart never stop breaking into a million pieces.

"Your aunt Lena is right. Why don't you stay and play little with Gretel and Karl?" Aurora said, already with Gretel and Karl sitting next to her.

"No! We're going to see mamma! Come, Johanna!" Suddenly, Lucia started running towards the corridor holding her little sister's hand in an attempt to reach the door of the hospital.

"No!! You both come here young ladies!!" Lena called them, as she got up from the floor and started chasing them down the hospital.

...

While all of that happened, the Scout Regiment was dealing with such important matters. While the others stood at the front lines of Wall Rose fighting the Titans, others were handling more 'theoretical' issues. Which was the case for Levi, helping Hange and the others to get a certain pastor of the order of the Walls to speak up. A pastor that could know all the secrets they had been looking for her all those years.

The old pastor was walking through the door that led to Hermina district. Coincidentally, it led to the same walk where the refugees were going. Hundreds of people who had lost everything.  He observed with terror all of their faces and became even more aware of what was happening when he observed the nuns of the convent of Wall Rose walking along side them...

Everyone with desperate and dull looks on their faces...It looked like it had been taken away from a book...

"No one said stop" Levi said from behind, as he kicked him on the back so he could continue walking "Rolling stone gathers no moss"

"This is..." he said, almost in a whisper. Still apalling by what he was watching in front of him.

"Maybe you expected to see something quaint..." Levi commented, looking at the crowd from behind him. But at the same time, keeping an eye on him so he could intimidate him "This is what happens when the Walls give..."

Children crying, calling for their parents...Old people holding the rest of what they had, parents comforting their children. Knowing they had no place to go, knowing they had no idea what the future awaited. With their families, houses and belongings all gone.

What had taken an entire life and generations to build, in a day it had been destroyed...

The pastor couldn't see any more of it, he couldn't take it. The man started to step aside so he could leave, that way he wouldn't have to see all that again. But then, he was quickly stopped by Levi who put an arm on his shoulder.

"No. Take it in, holy man..." Levi said, his voice filled with disgust and authoritarianism "These are the faces who've lost everything they ever had. Human beings you and your kind abandoned accidentally. Hard to look at it, I imagine. But if the church had its way, this would be all of us"

The man continued observing the faces of the people like a torture...

"The Titans would make a feast of what's left...Shoveling men, women and child down their guts..." The raven haired man continued, staring at the pastor from behind with a piercing gaze on his face "All Humanity digested in one..."

...

As they waited patiently at the hospital, Aurora, Gretel and Karl had already gone home. It was already very late and the children needed to rest after that long and frightening day. Even if they didn't really understand what was going on, they knew they were smarter than they looked like...

On that moment, there was only left Lena, Peter, Herr and the two girls. The two men were sitting on some chairs in one of the waiting rooms. The ginger haired had successfully catch Johanna and Lucia just before they could enter in the hospital room. It would only be worse for them, to see their mother at that state and they could catch some contagious diseases. So, she had been telling them stories while they lied on the ground in hopes they could fall asleep. But it was useless. Those girls were just too afraid and too agitated to fall asleep. 

"And then...The princess kissed the frog and he turned into a prince. They got married, had a bunch of babies, and cats and dogs and sheep and cows and dunks and they lived happily ever after..." Lena finished maybe the 5th fairy tale in the night. 

The ginger haired woman had been bottling her emotions so much, that as soon as she went out of there, she would probably scare the people. She only wanted to scream. She only wanted to scream and to cry, and cry and cry without stop...

"Why do stories always end like that?" Lucia asked. Both of them were calmer on that moment, but they also had been crying a lot...

"Like what?" Lena asked, feeling already very tired for being in there for hours and hours.

"They always live happy ever after. What if there was a story where they didn't?" Lucia asked with curiosity.

"Because that would be sad, Lucia" Johanna replied to her sister. Her voice was already a bit sleepy, but she had been like that for hours. Lena was sure she wasn't going to sleep that night...

"But it's always the same thing it's boring" Lucia said, sounding very certain on her words "Because even if they live happily ever after, something is always going to go wrong. Imagine if the princess is allergic to cats. Or if she gets mad with the prince. Happily ever afters don't exist"

"Yes they do!" Johanna shouted.

"Shh, come one you two don't fight because of that" Lena tried to calm the two girls down. Then she turned at Lucia "Lucia is right. Something is always going to go wrong. Happily ever after is not about life being perfect you know?"

"See? I told you" Lucia said to her younger sister, who immediately replied by letting her tongue out.

Lena took a look at both of the girls at the same time with a small pained smile on her pale face, that looked even whiter because of that terrible day.

"But happily ever afters do exist, Lucia. Only those happy ever afters may not be perfect. Just like in the story, the princess had to fight with a lot of bad guys so she could have her happily ever after, and she is always going to fight for her happiness" Lena tried to explain what she thought into words "Sometimes they put villains and challenges in our story, because that's the way we become stronger to face all of the other challenges that will appear next. They may not be as big or maybe they are. But hat's where the true happily ever after is. It's about making our dreams come true, having courage everyday to face our adventures and to never give up. While at the same time, being next to the ones we love and to the ones that love us. And that's how we get our happy ever after"

Herr and Peter listened to the gingerhead attentively. Then, they looked at each other. There was no doubt that she had matured a lot...Even if she talked in the same way, using all of that fairy tales, imagination and music, what she had said wasn't entirely wrong. And it was actually a pretty good lesson for what those girls was passing through on that moment. What all of them were passing through, but especially Johanna and Lucia. Who had just came to the world...

"They could explain that better in the stories" Lucia tilted her head.

"I guess they are just too lazy to do it" Lena giggled.

"So...You that we can never be happy?" Johanna asked, confused.

"Well, it depends in what you think makes you happy" Lena replied, caressing the chubby cheek of the 3 year old "For me is to make all my dreams come true. What about you?"

"Mine too" Johanna answered with a silly smile. But then, it slowly faded away "But now is for mamma to get better..."

Lena's heart broke into a million pieces by hearing that little girl talking. She was 3 years old and was already passing through a moment like that...She just wanted to take the both of them home and doing whatever she could for them, giving them all of her love and support so they didn't have to suffer...

"Well, once you have hose things, you'll be happy. But just that won't grant your happily ever after. Because you are going to have a lot more challenges to face" Lena explained, trying to run away of the subject so she didn't injure more their hearts "The real happiness is when you know you have the strength to defeat every challenge that comes in your way. And I know both of you are stronger and braver than a knight in shining armor"

The gingerhead started kissing and tingling them in a caring way. They giggled and giggled, but Lena's heart was pained by each second. She wanted to believe Louise was going to live, but at the same time, that didn't stop that stabs on her heart...She only hoped none of them felt the same pain she and her siblings had felt...

...

"Once we leave Hermina, we'll be on Titan territory proper" Hange said to Eren as they walked through the space. Then, they stopped where Moblit was standing.

Already in the Scout Regiment new temporary base, where everyone was already putting everything in order to go into Titan territory meeting with the other soldiers from the front lines.

"Eren, well enough to ride a horse yet?" The brown haired soldier asked to the 15 year old boy.

"Yeah, should be able to manage one without difficulty" Eren replied.

"Settle up then, soldier. There's one waiting for you on the left" Moblit said, quickly get Eren to follow him to the place where the horse was

Hange stopped from where she was going with Moblit and Eren and observed two men walking towards her. It was no other than Captain Levi and Pastor Nick. Quite an amusing duo, anyone could say.

"Section Commander, we're pressed for time" Moblit called the brunette, that seemed more distracted than the usual.

"Thanks, Moblit. Give me a second" Hange replied, immediately running towards the two men. She stood in front of the pastor with hope on her heart "So, have you seen the light by any chance?"

The religious man stared at her with a serene, yet tormenting, expression. Then he looked down...Not even saying a single word.

"Oh God damn it!!! Make up your mind!!! This isn't some spiritual test, lives are on the line!!!" Hange screamed, already despaired by all of that time and the situation itself.

The man took a sigh, still looking down.

"I guess I have no choice. Neither myself or those who believe are in liberty to reveal the truth..." The pastor replied. While at the same time his expression and voice was serene, there was some kind of storm and tornadoes filling up all of face...

"That's a lot of help you are!!! Thanks for keeping us company!! It's been fun!!!" The brunette replied sarcastically as she turned her back on him.

"I'd offer my help if I could. But this is too much of a duty for a single person..." The pastor said, still with the same tone of voice, capturing the Section Commander's attention one more time "The order of the Walls obeys by the sacred will our faith commands us to obey"

Hange raised an eyebrow in curiosity.

"What sacred will? You mean like God or something?" 

"I can't answer that...But what I can do is provide you with a name" He started. The other soldiers payed attention to what he was about to say, like they had never did in their lives "An individual the sacred will divine wisdom instructed us to monitor"

"Monitor?" Hange repeated the word.

Pastor Nick took a long sigh and finally opened his eyes.

"It's a person you know. Someone who entered the Scout Regiment this year"

Armin, Eren and Mikasa opened widely their eyes. If anyone they weren't expecting them to be in the Scout Regiment, just in the same branch and just in the same year they were in...

"A child by the name of..."

"IMPORTANT MESSAGE! I'm with the 104th cadet cord. And my name is Sasha Braus, sir!!" A voice cracked through the door, but everyone was too attentive to even listened to it.

The three teens had gone mute to what that man was telling them. It almost felt like taken away from a book...

"No way..." Eren whispered.

While that happened, Sasha tried to capture the attention of Hange to deliver her message. But none of the efforts seemed to be working out. Everyone was to caught up at what the pastor was saying.

"You must find her the fastest you can. She may know things we can't even understand" Pastor Nick continued "And one more thing...Protect the Häustler family at all costs"

Levi opened his eyes and flushed at that sentence... Could it be talking about the thing he was thinking? But what did that have to do with anything?

Eren, Armin and Mikasa did the same... They weren't sure if he was talking about the same thing, but they were still baffled by that sudden information.

"What?? Lena's family??" Eren asked, completely baffled by what he was hearing.

"You know them?" The pastor repeated, to make sure of what he was actually hearing.

Levi frowned his eyebrows and a feeling of worry filled all of his blood. What did that have to do with anything? All he wanted was to punch that son of a bitch and torture him so he could say the reason. Even though Levi knew he had to maintain his cool, losing control would only make things worse.

"If we're talking about the same Häustler's yes, we used to live in Shingashina" Armin replied, as well as confused by all of that conversation.

Pastor Nick made a pause and looked at the ground...In a thoughtful way, like he was thinking of a way to say something.

"Did you happen to know...Hugo Häustler?" the religious man asked.

"Lena's father?" Armin asked to the brown haired soldier next to him, who just nodded.

"Me and Armin knew him before he died. But what does that have to do with anything??" Eren asked with his eyebrows frowned, already with his blood boiling for all of those secrecies.

"Do what you can to make sure the youngest is safe..." Pastor Nick said "That's all I can say...The rest I leave in your capable hands..."

Levi let out another one of this 'tch's' and just turned his back on the middle aged man.

"It's hard to believe the shit that this holy man is saying" Levi simply said arrogantly. Then his eyes warmed up as he looked at the ground thinking about the ginger haired woman "But protecting her has always been part of my plans..."

...

The gingerhead was still lying with her back leaning on the Wall and with the children already sleeping on her lap. She caressed them and gave them soft kisses so they didn't wake up. Hours and hours and hours had passed by. It was already maybe 4 or 5 am...

Finally with the girls asleep, she could finally cry...Even if she couldn't make much noise, she let little tears fall. To at least letting some of her despair out.

"Are you going to stay here until tomorrow?" Lena asked quietly to Herr and Peter, who were still sitting on the benches.

"I am. We're not leaving until we know Louise is alright" Herr stated confidently "I would get the children to your brother's house, but they need their father at this moment..."

Lena had never seen Herr Schmidt on that state...

He was always so calm and collected. Always so rational and not impulsive at all, kind of like her sister was. She didn't want to imagine the pain and suffer he was going through. Actually she could imagine, sue was passing through that same thing...

But even so, it was his wife. Lena didn't want even to think about what it would be like to lose Levi...

"Lena, you should go home too" Peter warned, Herr nodding right next to him.

"As if. If you are thinking that I'm going to leave my sugarplums you are completely mistaken" Lena grouched, hugging those girls even more tightly.

"Lena, I agree with your brother. You should go home and to sleep" Herr said, returning back to his serious posture.

"No way. I'm not going to leave them by anything in the world. They need me I'm going to be here" The ginger haired woman cried.

"You've been taking care of them all night. You deserve to go home and rest" Herr tried to say his eyes pained by what he was witnessing.

Lena just hugged those girls... Being there hurt her, being there made her feel desperate and helpless. But she couldn't leave her nieces. They had their father and uncle, but they always said they wanted her there around. She couldn't just go away...If they wanted her there, then they would have her there.

Then suddenly, a figure appeared right in front of the family. Lena's blue eyes warmed when she saw Levi, still dressed in the same shirt with his black blazer on his shoulders. Looking at her with a worried expression.

"Levi..." Lena whispered, giving him a sad smile.

Just by looking into her eyes, the raven haired man knew something bad had really happened to her... And that destroyed him...

"Captain Levi... What are you doing here?" Herr asked, with his eyebrows frowned in curiosity.

Peter observed the figure of the man. So that was Humanity's Strongest Soldier...He couldn't lie, he was expecting him to be a lot taller. But he couldn't deny that his presence was imponent and strong. But what did he want to do with Lena? And why was she calling her only by his first name? Something in that made him feel suspicious...

"I came to take Lena to our temporary base. We just finished for today" Levi said, never taking his eyes off the ginger haired woman.

Lena also didn't take her eyes off him...Having Levi there had changed completely her surroundings. It made her feel so much safe, and so much hopeful...All she wanted to do was to wrap her arms around him and cry to his chest...

"You heard him, take your butt from the ground and leave us with the girls" Peter affirmed with an eye roll.

It was a surprise how he just didn't leave when Levi got in the corridor. Maybe he was feeling a sentiment of guilt after that Scout had saved his sister from getting eaten by a Titan. Or maybe he didn't have energy enough to. 

"I'm sorry...I have to stay here with them..." Lena said again. The truth was she just wanted to be with Levi, but at the same time she just wanted to be with Johanna and Lucia until Louise got better.

"Are you an idiot? Look at your face, you look like you stood up entire nights" Levi said harshly. But his tone was simply of a worried man.

"I couldn't care less..." Lena whispered, not being able to stop the tears from falling down her freckled cheeks.

"Now's not the time to be stubborn. You'll come with us, that's an order" Levi said again, coming closer to the gingerhead woman, who was still on the ground. She did nothing, only held the girls with more strength "Let's get this straight. Or you'll lift your ass from the ground or I'm going to have to make you. And then punish you for insubordination"

Lena opened finally her blue eyes, that were all red. The raven haired man's expression was emotionless, but if anyone payed close attention to his eyes, then they could see he was also desperate and worried. The gingerhead looked down again and, very very careful so she didn't wake them up, picked up the girls on her arms. She almost couldn't walk properly. 

The freckled cheeks put them on one of the benches so they could be leaning on their father Herr. The blonde man gave her a sad smile and caressed Lena's cheek. Life really did pull its tricks on all of them...

"Sleep well, Lena. Tomorrow we're going to give you news, alright?" Herr said in a caring way "Thank you for being always here taking care of the girls with me and Peter...We love you"

"You don't need to thank me...It's the least I can do..." Lena replied with no energy. It didn't seem like the same person who was always smiling and that had that contagious laugh and joy.

Then, she looked at Peter, who was getting up from the bench. The brown haired man wrapped his arms around her into a hug full of love, caring and worry. They were passing by that for the third time...They had missed each other so much...And both of them were regretted that they were distant for such a long time.

"Peter, I still have to present you to Captain Levi..." Lena said, still with no energy, but decided to put a sad smile on her face "Captain Levi this is Peter, my older brother"

"It's...Nice to meet you, Captain" The brown haired man said. Not even reaching his hand to give him a handshake.

"My pleasure" Levi answered a bit awkwardly. Then he turned to the gingerhead "Let's go?"

Lena nodded sorrowfully. The raven haired man only looked at her with the same pained eyes...He couldn't take her watching her that way. He couldn't take seeing her suffering. It was like he could feel the same suffering she was feeling. 

Levi needed to be there for her at all costs. Even if he didn't really how to comfort people and never knew what to say in moments like those, he was sure there was something he could do for Lena.

...

Already in the new temporary headquarters, the raven haired man and the ginger haired woman walked through the corridors. It was completely empty. Everyone had already gone to sleep or they were still studying the plans for the next missions. There wasn't a single sound.

Not even the freckled cheeks, who was so loud and always talking. She hadn't said a word since she had got out of the hospital with Levi. It was just so off...Seeing her sad, down and not with the same enthusiastic smile and bright eyes. Though they still shined, it was a bright of sadness like she was going to burst out in tears in any moment...

The raven haired man also wasn't saying anything...He just didn't know how to. And it was driving him insane. The only thing he could was holding her hand, which she held with such a strength that it was she was going to break it. But he wanted to do something else, he wanted to show that he was there for her...He couldn't ask what was wrong, because he knew it would only make this worst...

"By the way...I saw the nuns of Rose. I think they're all okay" Levi started, capturing her attention.

Lena took a long sigh of relief...That question was tormenting her since that morning...

"Thanks heavens..." The ginger haired could only say. Right back returning to silence.

"Lena..." He called. He didn't want to have more silence...It would only make her more suffering, Levi knew how Lena hated silence.

"What?" Lena asked, looking at him with the same hurt bunny eyes.

"Do you want to...Stay the rest of the night with me?" The raven haired Captain questioned, very hesitant "I just don't you to be hurting by yourself..."

Levi stopped walking and faced her. It didn't look like the same woman he knew. It was breaking his heart into a million little pieces. All he wanted was to take her suffering away...

Lena nodded weakly and held his hand again with more strength. She looked completely lost, hopeless, helpless and melancholic...

Then, they went to the raven haired man's room. With their everyday clothes on, the two of them lied on his bed...Under the sheets, they were finally warmer. Lena was very cold, after all, she had spent the entire night on the hospital not even with a cardigan or at least something could warm her. Feeling Levi's warmth was something else, that made her feel so secure...

They stood there lied on the bed, the two of them facing each other. Still with their eyes opened.

"So...How are you feeling?" Levi asked, but he cursed himself immediately after that. That was such an idiot question.

"I'm feeling...I'm feeling like I just got ran over by an entire team of horses. Like I have a big fat snake around my neck, suffocating me. Like I just received a kick from a ram right on my chest" Lena explained, her voice sounding so hurt and broken than it was like it was going to break by any time "But I need to have hope...I need to have hope that my sister will recover..."

The raven haired came closer to her and hugged her tightly. A bit frightened by the gesture, Lena put her arms on his back and cried to his chest. How she had waited to do that...She cried, and cried, and cried, and cried...With Levi caressing her back and pressing little kisses on her hair...Maybe he wasn't great with words of comfort, but he knew the comfort he liked to receive from her. So that was what he was going to do..

"I should've stayed with them...They need to hear my stories and my lullabies...What if they wake up in the middle of the night?" Lena cried, holding Levi even more tightly.

"You can't give what you don't have to people. Why do you think I took you away from there?" Levi whispered on her ear "Lena, there are moments where you just can't be a ray of sunshine. You can't just think about others and forget about yourself. About your health..."

"But I...-"

"Don't. Just cry..." Levi said, holding her even tightly. Lena did exactly what he told her to...

They spent minutes, almost 2 hours, with the ginger haired woman only crying and giving quiet shouts to his chest. The raven haired man took all of her suffering as if it was his own...All of the sentiments of despair and fear that were locked in her chest were being released. And she was finally feeling a little bit calmer.

Levi didn't say anything, he was afraid he was going to say the wrong thing. So instead, he just hugged her. Sometimes his mind would go back to what Pastor Nick had told him that same night. 'Protect the youngest at all costs'. He was going to protect her at all costs even if he hadn't told her to. But when that man told them that information like that, it was because it truly was something important that would probably make her in danger...

But the raven haired Captain wouldn't let it happen, even if he had to die for it...

Chapter Text

It was a usual busy day in the little market of Shingashina. People selling all kinds of products shouted to capture the interest of the ones who passed by to buy their fish, or baskets, or fur, or even some meat.

And of course, that was the same for a little 10 year old ginger, who was helping her parents in the little marketplace. They usually went fishing on Wall Maria's lakes and rivers, to catch fish so they could sell it. There was less fish day by day, so much less money arrived home. Even so, when there was no school, Hugo and Liesle counted with the help of their daughters, since Peter had already moved to Wall Rose to finish their studies.

"WE SELL FISH!! WHO WANTS FRESH FISH!!!" Hugo shouted with baskets full of all kinds of species of fishes from river.

"TROUTS, LARGEMOUTHS AND EELS!! WITH A GOOD PRICE!!!" Liesle continued.

While their parents stood at the counter to capture clients, Louise and Lena prepared everything from behind. Some clients passed by and bought the fish, which meant that more money was going to come.

Suddenly, they all stopped shouting and the marketplace transformed in an absolute emptiness of silence. The two sisters got up from the ground and went next to their parents to see why every noise had suddenly stopped.

And of course, it was because of the men and women who were coming back from the outside world. Soldiers from all shape and sizes walked through the ally, with their eyes looking like they had seen hell right in front of their eyes. Which maybe, just maybe, they did. Soldiers with bandages wrapped around their heads and faces. Soldiers having support on each other. Soldiers crying. People crying.

Lena observed that scene with her big blue eyes wide opened. She had never seen the soldiers coming back from an expedition...

"These people can be very brave, but they don't have much intelligence" Liesle commented as she watched the soldiers with an annoyed, but although broken, look on her face.

Then, the ginger haired girl looked over to her sister. But what she wasn't expecting was to see her smiling at that sight. And a smile of true happiness and hope...Was she well on her head?

"Lou, why are you smiling? They all look sad" Lena commented quietly to her sister.

Then, Louise understood the figure she was making in front of everyone. She turned to the little girl and gave her an awkward grin and blushed cheeks.

"I-It's nothing..." Louise replied, scratching her net in embarrassment. Then, she looked at her father "Pappa, can I go see a friend of mine? She's also here watching the Scouts coming back"

"Of course you can. Go on, girl" Hugo replied, giving her the same sweet smile as an answer. As the brunette excitedly got away of the little stand and started running through the avenue, the blonde man looked at his youngest daughter "Lena, can you go there buy a little bit of wool?"

"Yes, of course!!" Lena replied with shiny eyes. She loved when she bought things, even if it weren't for her. It gave the sensation that she was grown up.

"Careful to always count the change. You know how crook those wool sellers are" Liesle warned with the same grouchy and suspicious look.

The gingerhead smiled and nodded in excitement as she also got away from her parents stand. And just like that, there she was buying the wool and counting the change. She noticed her older sister hidden between a building with a blonde haired man with blue and shiny eyes. They looked like they were dancing with each other discreetly. Herr kissed the brunette's freckled cheek with passion and love as she held onto his shoulders and giggled.

But little did he know that someone else was observing him...

"I was almost thinking you wouldn't come" Louise chuckled, feeling Herr's soft lips on her cheeks.

"I promised at least one dance and a kiss. And you know I never break my promises" Herr looked at her from up and down. Like trying to keep her image, her face and her body on his mind.

"Spare me... Staying in this hole and not going to those fancy dresses and champagnes in Sina's palaces right away? I'm sure you'd prefer to be there" The brunette said playfully as she gave him a discreet smirk.

Then, the blonde man took her little hands smoothly. Louise looked back at his blue eyes that shined with everything they had, and his smile made her melt completely.

"Why would I prefer to be there? All of those people are just a big hypocrites wanting to show a facade" Herr joked, not even once taking away Louise's hand "But most importantly...You're not in there, you're in here. Even if I was at the most expensive restaurant, or at the fanciest party with the best food on the Walls...It all wouldn't matter if you weren't there"

The brunette's reserved posture was slowly fading away with his words that put butterflies on her stomach and warmed her heart. Why did he have to be so beautiful, so kind hearted, so everything...He was everything she asked for and much more...

Saying nothing, because she was already blushing with his words, Louise looked down embarrassed.

"So what? May I kiss you again?" Herr asked one more time, knowing the exact game he was playing. The blonde man loved too much the always so unapproachable girl blushing.

Louise nodded with her cheeks completely red and immediately pressed the brunette again to one of the houses. He then started kissing her passionately and heatedly. They had waited so long to be together to finally do that...Herr was alive, he was there, he hadn't died...For Louise that meant everything. They could be finally together like that...

Lena stood next to the stand of the wool and smiled sweetly and dreamily at that scene. She wondered if Adam would ever come back to be like that with her again...Dancing with her and kissing her with no one watching...

When the blonde man was finally kissing her neck, they saw a figure of a man coming closer.

"HEY! YOU TWO DELINQUENTS!" The man said, breaking them away from each other.

They were caught off guard by the sudden movements and they started breathing heavily as Louise saw who he was... He was Shingashina's priest. The habit and the sick and hysterical expression never failed to make someone remember his features.

The people of the market started looking that way, since that man was very loud especially when he was making one of his scandal. That included Hugo and Liesle, who were selling fish to a woman who was a friend of theirs.

"Your kind makes me sick! Doesn't anyone tell the Scouts to stop bothering women??" The bald man shouted at Herr, who wanted to hold the brunette's hand but was too scared to do it.

"Mr. Reverend we weren't doing anything wrong..." Louise tried to say, but soon faced the horrid face of the man.

"And you don't speak! A girl so young and you're already doing these dirty shameless things? Is that what your parents teach you??"

Lena's attention was captured by that scene as well. Her eyebrows frowned...She wasn't enjoying that scene at all. She had never liked that priest, he was always aggressive and never let people do anything. If a child cried in church he would be the type to scream at them so they didn't make any noise.

"Your daughter is in trouble..." The woman who was buying the fish commented to Liesle.

"Stay here...I'll talk with Mr. Reverend" Hugo touched his wife's shoulder to comfort her and went out of the stand to understand what was going on.

"But we weren't doing anything, we were just kissing" Herr tried to explain at the same time looking at the crazy eyes of the man in front of him.

"Don't make me laugh! What starts with kissing ends up in other things!" The bald man shouted hysterically, capturing the attention of everyone at the market.

As Lena was started to walking towards the same way to tell that crazy man some things, Hugo was quickly in front of her as well and arrived where Louise and Herr were.

"Mr. Reverend, can you tell me what this commotion is all about?" Hugo asked with his blue eyes looking at the teenagers with concern "What is going on with my daughter?"

"I'll tell you what's going on! Your daughter is having an affair with a Scout! A Scout!!" The priest explained with his eyes wide opened as if he wasn't believing in what he was saying "Doing unholy and heretic things...You should be ashamed"

"They weren't doing anything!! Stop being a boorish" Little Lena shouted as she got in front of her sister, catching everyone off guard.

"Get out of here, brat this has nothing to do with you!" The priest said with his eyebrows frowned, looking at the little girl in a despicable manner.

Lena's nerves started boiling at what the man was saying and kicked his leg with anger. The priest growled with pain and lifted his big arm to hit her, but she soon hide behind her father's strong figure.

"Lena, stop it" Hugo moved his neck to see a little bit of his daughter hiding behind him.

The ginger girl faced the man with her eyebrows frowned in anger. She couldn't stand that priest, she couldn't stand anyone like him...

"A daughter who has fun around doing shameless things and another daughter who speaks up when a man is talking. You don't even seem like a good catholic man" He said, his voice giving a sensation of disgust and contempt.

"God was specific in what he said" Hugo told him with a serious expression "My daughters pray the rosary every day. They're modest, honest and good hearted. Isn't that what God asks for us all to be?"

Louise and Lena looked at each other with smile on their faces. The brunette finally could held Herr's hand and they smiled towards each other...With loving eyes and two beating hearts that came together as one.

"Be careful, Mr. Häustler... You have the respect of everyone in Shingashina because of your dedication in the church. Don't make that respect disappear in a blow" The priest started again with threatening eyes. Then he looked at Lena, who was still facing him, not letting herself be intimidated "Also, next time I see this girl her hair better be covered up. It looks like hellfire"

The ginger haired girl made a giant effort not to kick him again right on his leg. And as they watched the priest walk away, the marketplace was back to normal...Just like that scene had never happened in the first place...

...

Louise Schmidt (Schmidt by marriage) could survive from the injuries. Still very weak, and after that greatly horrid blood loss. Her face was whiter than trim painting, her green eyes could barely open and she had lost her slim figure. The elegant Sina woman could had taken a lot of physiotherapy and still needed to recover a lot of time in the hospital. On that moment, she could already walk with a crutch, but still had a lot of difficulties to walk, since the Titans had eaten half of her right leg.

Even so, the woman still showed her usual elegance, class and beauty.

When the doctors finally announced that Louise had survived, the family had become hysterically happy. After all, that little bit of hope inside their hearts didn't shine by anything. However, they had immediately warned that she wasn't going to live her normal life again. And of course, that tore them apart as well. But at least, Louise was there with them made it less painful.

Her sugarplums on that moment were all fighting in the front lines, some watching over the Wall and others fighting directly against the Titans in Wall Rose. The Scout Regiment was still on its new temporary headquarters. No one did exactly know for how long, but everyone was equally wondering what would happen next... There were still so many questions yet to answer and so many battles to fight.

Lena's life had been turned upside down since the arrival of the Titans in Wall Rose. It had been a true miracle that her sister had survived, but at the same time, things weren't back to the way they were. Louise couldn't neither walk, nor speak properly and she looked like a whole different person. Thinking that a few weeks ago, she had encountered her looking fresh new in the Military Ball...

But the gingerhead knew she couldn't complain. Having her sister alive was all that mattered and helping her was her responsibility. Whining never solved any problem, and she hated when people played victim.

On that moment, she was on her sister's house helping her recovering. She went there every day to make sure everything was alright and to help the most she could. The gingerhead knew Louis wasn't probably going to recover fast, but the least se could do was to help her.

The brunette's bedroom was incredibly gigantic. It had an enormous princess like bed that was meant for her and Herr and a window from where they could see all of Mitras. Around the mansion, there could be seen many maids and cooks walking around busy as bees.

"Your ribs are getting better, Lou. Now you're breathing much deeply" The gingerhead said as she held the stethoscope in the brunette's back.

Louise was sitting on her bed even if she was under the sheets. Around her body there were bruises everywhere, her skin was pale even with a slight shade of grey. She had dark circles under her eyes, her shin from her right leg had been amputated, and she was as thin as a stick. Even if the brunette could walk with a crutch, she wasn't allowed to make a lot of movements.

"..i'm...gla-glad..." Louise tried to say but with difficulty, the voice getting all coarse. She lied on her bed again, with her leaning on one of the big puffy pillows.

That was absolutely breaking Lena's heart. Louise was always such an eloquent person and now she could barely say a sentence. She looked so much in pain for not being able to do all of the things she wanted to do... Luckily, she and Herr were rich enough to afford proper medical conditions. Lena was just there to make sure she was recovering.

Lena didn't want to imagine how it would be if they were poor... She didn't even could think in all of those refugees from Wall Rose would be on that moment... The differences between riches and poor were beginning to be even bigger. And it was just so unfair...

"There's nothing much I can do, Lou I'm sorry..." The ginger haired woman replied, looking down at the face of her sister already lying down her bed. Paler than a ghost, with no energy even to say a single word "If only I could continue my studies... I could've helped you more..."

Louise gave her a weak smile... In a way of thanking her little sister and to make sure she knew she loved her. The brunette put her arms up to call Lena for a hug.

Already with some tears in her eyes, the gingerhead embraced her tightly and carefully. With difficulty, Louise caressed her back. Lena just wanted her to be alright... She just wanted to see the shiny smile on her again and to hear talk again... She just wanted Louise to be happy and healthy. Why did that have to happen? Why did all of that have to happen?

"By the way... I have a surprise for you. Stay here" Lena said with a smile on her face, getting away from the hug.

Louise raised an eyebrows and have her a smirk in a way of saying 'are you serious'. Making Lena immediately understanding what she had just said and slapping her forehead.

"Oh my God right, you can't get out of bed alone..." Lena sighed closing her eyes in embarrassment and guilt "But it's alright! I'm going to back in a while"

The gingerhead got out of the room and, after some minutes of waiting, came back with no others than Herr, Peter, Lucia, Johanna, Aurora, Gretel and Karl. The whole family stood in front of the bed (since the bedroom was big enough).

Louise just sat up on the bed again with a surprised look on her pale face as she observed all of her family reunited right in front of her. Lena with her guitar, she and the children made a line with the adults being more separated than the rest.

"This is a song that Lena and the children have been practicing all week. Dedicating to you, Louise..." Herr said, always with a smooth voice and sitting on his wheelchair. His hair perfectly styled as usual, as his blue eyes shined seeing his wife alive... Even at that state.

They could already see the brunette getting emotional.

"Now, are you sugarplums ready?" The gingerhead asked to the children with a smile on her face and already with her guitar tuned.

"Yes!!" The three of them explained excited to show Louise their new song.

"Aren't you going to sing with them?" Aurora whispered to Peter.

The three adults were more separated from the others, so Louise could see the ones who were singing better.

"Singing is not my thing. It was more between Lena and our father" Peter replied embarrassed.

"But I think Louise would love it if you did... Don't think I don't remember the way you used to sing me songs at my balcony when you moved to Rose" The strawberry blonde woman teased him, making him roll his eyes.

"I'm still surprised how you didn't go deaf by that...." Peter said already feeling the blush rising on his cheeks "Let's just hear them singing"

And, in a second, Lena and the four children started making the performance to help Louise recover from her injuries a lot better. After all, they said music was the best remedy...

"Do mi sol do

Do sol mi do

Every truly cultured music student knows

You must learn your scales and your arpeggios" Lucia and Johanna started singing with their high and sweet voices. Missing the tune a little bit.

"Bring the music ringing from your chest

And not your nose

While you sing your scales and your arpeggios" Gretel continued.

"If you're faithful to your daily practicing

You will find your progress is encouraging

Do mi sol mi do mi sol mi fa la so it goes

When you do your scales and your arpeggios" Karl, the oldest with the best tuned voice continued.

"Do mi sol do do sol mi do

Do mi sol do do sol mi do

Though at first it seems as though it doesn't show

Like a tree ability will bloom and grow" Lena and the three girls sang with smiles on their faces.

"If you're smart you'll learn by heart what every artist knows

You must sing your scales

And your arpeggios!" The children and the young adult stopped singing and gave Louise an emotional look.

The brunette clapped with difficulty as she let the tears fall from her green eyes. The other adults joined her and clapped emotionally to the performance of their children.

"Johanna, go now" Lena whispered, kneeling to be at the same level of her niece.

The light brown haired girl went outside and the room and immediately came back with a bunch of white roses on her arms. The whole crew grew emotional at the adorable 3 year old holding a really big bunch of white roses and walking carefully so she didn't fall to the brunette's side at the giant bed.

"This is for you, mamma. For you to get better" Johanna said, reaching out the flowers to Louise, whom obviously accepted.

"....t-thank you..." The woman said as she gave her a weak smile. Then, she picked her daughter up to stay with her next to the bed "....Lucia, come..."

The oldest daughter ran immediately to the other side of the bed and Louise embraced her tightly, yet carefully because she knew she couldn't make much efforts.

Lena smiled compassionately at that scene... Even if Louise was hurt, she was there with them. They could embrace their mother, they could listen to her voice even if it was just uncompleted and simple sentences, they could smell her usual perfume, they could make her feel warm. Her condition could be complicated and maybe she couldn't be completely recovered... But Louise was there.

"Aunt Lena. Are we going to sing more songs?" Gretel asked the gingerhead, grabbing by her light yellow summer dress.

The freckled cheeks gave her a sweet smile.

"I'm sorry, maybe next time. Aunt Lou needs to recover and I have to go to work as well" Lena knelt down again to be in the same level as the little strawberry blonde girl "I promise next time we're going to sing much more songs. I have a lot more to teach you"

"Karl says he wants to learn how to play guitar too" Gretel smiled innocently, as the little boy came closer with blush on his chubby cheeks.

"Hey, shut up I still don't know" Karl contested, coming closer to his sister and shaking his head in denial.

"You don't know? Well make up your mind quickly because I would love to teach you" Lena chuckled at the embarrassed face of the boy, that suddenly was replaced by a curious look "I didn't learn by myself, you know? It was your grandfather, me and your dad's father that taught me"

"Grandpa Hugo?" Karl replied.

"Yes, he knew how to play guitar as well. He was a music lover just like me, and he taught me everything I needed to know" Lena explained with her eyes shining with longing and nostalgia "Maybe one day I can tell you more about him..."

The ginger haired found herself again drowning in memories of the time when their family was all together. Their father and their mother always fighting but soon get along together when their father started playing his guitar and their mother started getting all embarrassed. How they would play all kinds of games, even if Peter and Louise spent more time inside and studying, while Lena hated being inside the house and was always outside doing all of what she could think of.

Times that never could come back... But now, they were together as well. And the family had growen even bigger. Hugo and Liesle were proud of them in heaven, Lena was sure of it...

...

Already in the Scout Regiment temporary headquarters, the ginger haired woman was organizing her office. Some soldiers would be coming back soon and, even with everything that had been going on, it was still up to the nurses to treat them. The job of the scouts didn't stop, so theirs couldn't stop either. Even between all of that chaos, even between all of that confusion.

"Lena" A voice echoed to the room from where the freckled cheeks was.

Lena turned around and faced a worried Levi. He was still with the same casual attire. The raven haired man was slowly recovering and perhaps some weeks later he would be able to go back to missions. But something was off... He had been way more protective than usual. Not that Lena complained, but it was just a little bit strange.

But again, it was Levi. He had already lost so many people, it was normal for him wanting to keep his loved ones safe. And when he wasn't too boring with all his protectiveness, he was absolutely adorable.

"Good morning, Levi" Lena gave a small smile as she continued packing her things on her bag "You're here for physiotherapy right?"

The raven haired man came closer to her. He had a pained look on his eyes... Lena hadn't been herself since she found out her sister was ill. She wasn't enthusiastic, talking loud and happy the way she usually was. Though the freckled cheeks maintained her kind persona, Levi missed seeing her old self.

Watching her in pain made him feel pain... He only wished he could take all of her suffering away from her.

"Yeah. Before the soldiers arrive, at least let get over with this" Levi replied smoothly. He was now in front of her, as she continued unpacking her things turning her back on him.

"Then let me just finish organizing this" Lena said with a sigh, as she turned to him again and went putting some materials on the shelves and the cabinets.

Levi only observed her...If she was just now organizing the clinic, that meant she probably didn't have much time to do it before. Everyone had just been so busy. The soldiers, the nurses...Since the Titans arrived, it was like nothing was quite the same. The fall of Wall Maria all over again.

"Did you visit your sister this morning?" The raven haired man asked, even if he already knew the answer.

"Yes I...I want to make sure she recovers fast..." Lena replied sorrowfully looking at the ground, not turning front to Levi "And even if she doesn't, I want to stay by her side all the time..."

Levi lowered his head...He felt like he needed to say something. But he never knew what to do or what to say when he saw someone crying or passing through a hard period of time. He did tried to help in his own way, like hugging her and let her cry to him. Even so...Sometimes Levi felt useless and helpless for not being able to make her pain go away, especially because they were spending much less time together.

"And...It's done" The gingerhead said, capturing his attention again and stood up to finally face the Captain with a sad smile "You can sit in the bed. I know it's smaller now, but I'm sure it can also work"

Levi did what she told him and sat in the bed. Lena was right in the office being smaller. In what was once a room with three beds, now it was just one. Not to mention, there wasn't even a proper desk for them to fill paperwork. But that was all they could have for that moment.

The freckled cheeks quickly tied her ginger curls in a quick bun that was right below her neck and went next to the bed where Levi was sitting. Sitting in the chair right in front of it, Lena gave her a comforting smile and held his hand fondly. That sudden gesture had caught the raven haired by surprise but he soon got used to it, feeling her hand on his...

"You already know, you have to lay down" Lena simply said, looking into his eyes.

"Right..." Levi replied awkwardly and right after that he lied on the bed again.

"Why are you quiet like a mouse? You usually would call me big mouth and tell me to go to a certain place" The ginger haired woman frowned her eyebrows in curiosity.

Before he could think on an answer, the freckled cheeks started picking up his ankle with her hands and lifted them until his chest the way she always did. It almost didn't hurt compared to the last time he did physiotherapy, so that probably meant that his leg was healing. That made Levi feel relieved...

"Well...It's because I don't really know what to say in shitty moments like this. You know what I'm talking about" Levi replied bluntly as he always was.

"You don't have to say anything. Louise is alive, I'm alright..." Lena said in a soft and comforting tone, in a way for the raven haired man to know that she was alright and that she was being honest.

"We both that's bullshit" Levi simply answered, feeling the hands of the gingerhead lifting his leg up and down "I'm sorry if I can't do much to help...I'm just terrible at comforting people"

"Levi, you're helping most that I even could thank you..." Lena whispered, even if it was loud enough so he could hear.

Her sorrowful blue eyes watched him as she lifted his leg up to his chest. The raven haired man's face looked like it had been sculpted by an artist from ancient Rome...His blue eyes that also shined with sadness observed her attentively, but they also showed a warmth and vulnerability that Lena had never encountered. His raven hair falling onto his eyebrows and forehead, so bright and so soft gave him the same mysterious, yet princely look...And his lips...His lips were so soft, but at the same time, gave her those devouring kisses of his, they also shined so brightly.

Levi had been her pillar on all of those days...Even if they weren't spending much time together, even if he was 'bad at comforting', Lena didn't know where she would be on that moment if it wasn't for him. That night when she thought her sister wasn't going to survive, Levi had embraced her through all the pain she was feeling. Because he had felt that way too. Too many times...So many times that he didn't deserve...

He squeezed all of her despair away for her to at least have a proper night of sleep. And even if they both were busy, just to know he was supporting her and being a pillow for her numbness, that was enough. That was everything Lena could ask for...

"I don't know where I would be if it wasn't for you...I don't think I would even pass by that night" Lena said, still looking at the man she loved the most on that world "Just knowing you are here...That is enough for me. You being here is enough for me"

The ginger haired woman caressed his cheeks delicately, like if she was afraid that his face could be torn apart. She could see on his eyes that he was still feeling sorry, but that her words had given him some kind of comfort.

And in an instant, Levi got up from the bed and pressed his lips on hers. Lena kindly returned it, as she continued touching and caressing his cheek. They stood there for some minutes, only feeling the comfort and warmth that they gave each other. Maybe they had different ways of doing it, but they comforted each other like no one ever could...They read each other's souls like no one ever could. And that was enough for them...

At the lack of air, they both got separated from each other and stood their with their foreheads together. They looked into each other's eyes... They never noticed how similar their eyes were... A blue that shined with sorrow, yet hope...

"I love you..." Levi whispered desperately.

"I love you too, my Captain Ice Cube..." Lena chuckled quietly as she continued running her fingers through his hair "You have know idea how much..."

"I wish I didn't. In that case you'd concentrate on the physiotherapy instead of looking at me like a lunatic" The raven haired joked, making Lena immediately remember what they were doing.

"You have some nerve. Starting it and then complaining..." The gingerhead chuckled quietly and left his hair, although never taking his eyes of him "And then you say I'm the clingy one..."

"Let's just finish this or not?" Levi sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Actually we're already finished" Lena replied with a smile "The articulations and the leg is moving way better. And if it didn't hurt that means it can move well enough. Did it hurt more or less than last time?"

The raven haired man turned completely front and let his legs fall from the bed. Then, he touched it with a concerned expression.

"I felt almost nothing. It doesn't even compare to last time" Levi replied, still touching his leg. After massaging by himself his leg one more time, just to certify that it really didn't hurt, he looked at the gingerhead again "That means I can go back in missions?"

"I think so, if everything goes well and you don't make much efforts until there. So you better remember not to exaggerate on training" Lena kept her eyes on his and gave her one of her compassionate and kind smiles.

"Finally I won't just stay here doing nothing" Levi said "By the way...How's your sister?"

"She is...She is getting better" Lena replied, this time looking down at her feet "Lou is a strong woman, if she survived, she can also recover all of this"

The raven haired man observed her again...Her eyes looked even more sorrowful than the usual. Her life had been turned upside down since the day Titans had reached Wall Rose. But Lena couldn't do anything else other than move forward, the way Levi had always done. If he could help, then it was up to him to show her to grow stronger and step forward even when destiny pulled its tricks on them.

Even when everything and everyone seemed to be against you. Even when everything seemed hopeless, that we could never give up. Because they were all much stronger then they thought they were, so strong that they could face every challenge that came their way. The only thing they needed was to believing in that...

"Let's just hope she will. You're doing a good job going there everyday" Levi said, his simple words showing honesty and admiration "You are...You and her are very strong"

That made the ginger haired woman chuckle.

"Sometimes I feel like I'm not strong enough..." Lena sighed and looked at the raven haired man's eyes again "But I do have my pillars. Tomorrow I'm going to church in her honor. We all promised to go every Sunday if she survived"

"Every Sunday" Levi repeated in a dry tone. He couldn't imagine spending 1 hour and a half on a building listen to priest talking without stop.

"Every Sunday without fail..." Lena smiled to him.

"How can you still believe in a God after all this bullshit?" Levi asked still with the same skeptical look on his face. But then he realized how incredibly disrespectful towards her faith he was being. As he saw her looking down again and holding a rag in vulnerability "Wrong words I mean...How can you believe in some being as God in the world we live in? It's just very strange to me..."

The gingerhead woman set his eyes on him again. They had never really talked about that subject before, Levi knew it was a delicate matter and they had complete opposite views in that. But he was curious to know, how it was even possible. He could not be a believer but that was a big important part in Lena's life, so he also wanted to understand her point of view.

Taking a deep breath, the freckled cheeks decided to start talking.

"Well...Faith is not something I can really explain...It's something only you can feel..." Lena explained, looking at Levi's eyes as he listened attentively "I do believe that God really does have a plan for us. And that even in this horrible and cruel world we live in, there are such beautiful things that no one can explain. And I believe those things are made by God...I know it's strange, but I can't really explain. My family has always been very religious so they passed a lot of those values to me"

"If I offended you, I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention" Levi apologized in advance.

"It's alright, don't worry about it" The gingerhead smiled kindly and then put a curious expression on her face "You know? I never really told anyone about this and please don't tell anyone about this, I ask you please don't tell..."

"Tch who do you think I am? A big mouth like you are? Of course I won't tell" The raven haired man joked, raising one of his eyebrows one more time.

"Alright, it was just to confirm...You want to know why my family is so religious?" Lena asked and Levi nodded in confirmation "It's because my father...He saw our Lady..."

Levi widened a little bit his eyes in surprise.

Her father... Hugo Häustler. The one Pastor Nick had asked Eren and Armin about. Could what Lena was telling be linked with any of that strange conversation?

"Our lady you mean...?" Levi asked, not really sure if he was thinking about the right thing.

"Virgin Mary..." Lena said, in a soft and peaceful tone that it even managed to calm him down.

"And can you tell me how? It's just seems unlikely that he saw something like that" Levi commented.

He didn't know if it had to do with any of what the Pastor was talking. But maybe knowing more about that man could help them to stop the Military Police from getting what they really wanted. And that way, they could protect them...

"Well...When he was little he used to live in a very...In a very hard family..." Lena explained, like trying to figure out the better words to tell that story "They were very poor, they passed a lot of hunger, their only sustain was their sheep, his mother died when he was little, his older brothers were always drunk and he never knew his father..."

Levi listened attentively, watching the ginger haired woman looking down at her feet and running her index finger through the curls that were falling down her shoulders.

"One day, he went to the hills to guard the flock, like he was did. Sat on the hill and listened to the sound of the bells of Wall Maria's convent and listened to the nuns singing...And...Suddenly, he looked back and he saw her" Lena explained. Her blue eyes sparkled as she remembered the exact words Hugo had used to tell them that strange, yet beautiful story "'A beautiful lady, all in white that shined like the sun...' those are the words he used to describe her. He asked her why she had made him so sad, why she made him so miserable. And he says she answered that...His job would be to give people the love they didn't give him. To love each brothers and sisters the most he could and to never give up on finding his own happiness..."

Levi was left speechless to that story. Something about it just didn't seem right, and he couldn't lie saying that he believed in it. But at the same time, it transmitted such a different aura. So even if it hadn't happened, it still had an effect. The raven haired man wasn't really fond of religious people, most of the times they were hateful fanatics, who thought they had the right in meddling in other people's business. Not to mention the corruption of the institutions. But the story Lena had told him was different. It was like...That was what religion should be about. Love. Loving each other, instead of hating.

That was what the world should be about. And even if they knew it was impossible, as long as humans walked on those places, that man taught their children the exact same thing. That was why Lena loved so much and so deeply everything. That was why she view life that way. Her father taught her to. And she taught Levi, even without noticing...

"That story was a secret for as long as he could remember. He only told me, my mother and my siblings" Lena continued, putting her eyes back on him again with a smile in her freckled face.

"You said that your father passed hunger...Couldn't those be some kind of...Mind tricks to make him believe what he was seeing?" Levi asked, still thinking about how that story just didn't sound real.

"If that really happened I don't know. No one knows. But that was the reason why he was so religious" Lena sighed, looking at the side. She wasn't asking for Levi to believe in her. After all, he wasn't a believer like she was.

"I'm sorry...You know I don't believe in this stuff..." The raven haired man looked down, not really knowing what to say about all of that talk. He only knew he had to keep being true and blunt.

"And you have the right not to" Lena giggled quietly towards the raven haired man "Faith is something very personal and different in every person. And not everyone feels connected to it. There isn't really an explanation, you just either feel or you don't"

In Lena's case, she felt it. And she also knew that other people didn't but claimed to feel it. And they used it to do the exact opposite of its purpose. She remembered so well how her father would get bashed by the church's priest when Louise started dating Herr, when they were still teenagers. She also remembered how she had always meddled in for defending her sister and then they would call Hugo and say 'A daughter who has fun around doing shameless things and another daughter who speaks up when a man is talking. You don't even seem like a good catholic man'

"So if your father was so religious why didn't he ever follow that path?" Levi asked in curiosity. He didn't know well how, but he still had the feeling that the whole religious thing had to do with what Pastor Nick was talking about. After all, he was also a religious man.

"That's a funny story, actually. He actually went to the seminar in Shingashina to become a priest when he was 18. But he ended up giving up in the beginning of his first year" Lena explained, still smiling towards him.

"Why is that?"

"Well...Let's just say...Some people shouldn't follow the religious path if they're not capable..." Lena replied with her blue eyes becoming darker "Those priests...He saw many horrible things...Well he didn't really like to talk about the seminar because of that"

Again, things that weren't any news for Levi. The church wasn't only full of corruption but also full of unhuman things, and Levi could almost take a guess in what she was talking about. That probably hurt Lena a lot as well...

"But...If it wasn't because of that he wouldn't have met my mom. They met right on the first day of the seminar. He was lost between the town so my mom who was selling fur on the little market helped him. And...The rest is history..." Lena smiled, slowly remembering her parents telling her how they had met "Then they got married and he always devoted himself to church with my mom. He was very respected, but sometimes they took a lot of advantage of his good intentions and was left aside a lot..."

Levi wondered if he should question her... After all, they had agreed with the family to keep that whole mystery a secret. The raven haired man opposed to that the moment they had mentioned it, but there wasn't much else he could.

"Lena...Did your father know...-"

"Ms. Häustler!" The voice of a soldier echoed through the room, capturing the gingerhead and the Captain's attention "Some soldiers who are in need of healing are entering right now. And Captain Levi, since you are here too, Commander Erwin Smith needs to talk to you"

They looked at each other with sorrow, knowing that they would have to be separated again. Well...They supposed it was good while it lasted. They needed to enjoy every moment together, even if they weren't many.

...

The raven haired man was already in the Commander's room. He had been severely injured in the expedition. He had no left arm, what the Scout Regiment would be without his guidance if he wasn't healed until then, no one knew. What they knew was that they had found many other news that no one had been expecting to hear.

Thad received the biggest stab on their backs after discovering that, in reality, Reiner and Berthold were the ones who destroyed Wall Maria. Reiner, the friendly and brave boy who was never hesitant to help his friends was the Armored Titan. And Berthold, the shy boy who rarely said a word...He was the Colossal Titan. And not to mention Ymir, who was also a Titan shifter like Eren. Christa, or Historia, was also evolved in that whole story. Things were moving way to fast and they didn't know how to handle, even if they had to swallow it whether they liked it or not.

KNOCK!

KNOCK!

KNOCK!

"It's Hange" Levi said to the blonde haired man, and he nodded in agreement "Come in"

"Pardon the intrusion, Erwin" The brunette said, opening the door of the room with Connie by her side. Then she noticed that Commander Pixis from the Garrison was also there and quickly made a salute "Commander Pixis. Glad we caught you"

Hange closed the door and came closer to the soldiers, who were looking at them with curiosity.

"This is...State your name" The brunette said to the boy who was beside her.

"Sir, Connie Springer, sir. From the 104th Cadet Corps" Connie said, making another salute.

"Connie here is originally from Ragako" Hange started again,

The three soldiers' expressions went to a surprised one because of the statement of the Squad Leader. He was from the right place when the invasion had started...And his dark eyes showed that something had happened to him as well...

"Yes...Where the invasion seems to begun, correct?" Pixis said, like in an attempt to confirm what he was saying.

"Yes, sir. In fact he has a valuable piece of evidence in that regard. I think you'll find your story supports our hypotheses" The brunette replied, then putting her brown eyes into Connie "Soldier, if you would"

Connie held the frame he had on his hands tightly and took a deep breath, ready to tell the whole story...

...

Lena had already taken care of the soldiers, and had received the new that her sugarplums had already gone back from the mission. Running through the base, looking for the teenagers, she was careful not to fall on the ground. Since she had gotten up from her desk so fast at the moment they had told her they had come back, that she almost didn't have time to put on her shoes.

Finally, the freckled cheeks had seen them. Eren, Armin, Mikasa and Jean in the corridors of the garden. A desperate smile painted her face as she ran towards them, more than happy to see that they were alive.

"Sugarplums...!" Lena was finally close to them and wrapped her arms around the three friend at the same time "I'm so glad you're all alright..."

"Lena..." Mikasa whispered sorrowfully as she felt her arms around her.

They all looked down, even between the hug. There was so much they had to tell her, and so much they didn't want to tell her. Everything had changed in a fraction of second. It almost sounded like a horrible and cruel joke.

They separated from each other and the ginger haired woman cleaned her tears of relief. But, something was off. They weren't smiling the way they did. Not even Jean, who was always teasing Eren was talking. Lena immediately assumed that something bad had happened.

"Your hurt bunny eyes are scaring me until the bones..." Lena said quietly, feeling already the fear and anxiety taking advantage of her. Then, gaining courage, she took a deep breath "Can you tell me what happened or not?"

The four teenagers looked at each other. They didn't want to hurt her even more by telling her everything that had been happening. But at the same time, Lena deserved to know the truth, and she was going to find out eventually.

Jean decided to be the first one to speak.

...

Connie and Hange finished telling the veterans their theory. They were looking at them with shocked expressions, which wasn't something unusual...After all...

"So you're saying...That Titans are people?" Erwin asked in a more simplified way.

The raven haired man's heart seemed to be stabbed into a million little pieces. He only wanted to believe that was a lie, that four eyes was only telling a joke. But unfortunately, that was as real as it could be... Titans were people. It was just like he had a huge ball of iron falling on his chest.

He had spent all of those years murdering other human beings...The ones he was supposed to defend and protect...Why did it have to be so cruel? Why was everything so cruel?

"We have no proof yet..." Hange said, in an attempt to relief the sudden tension in the room.

"Great...Perfect..." Levi sighed to himself. He felt completely numb and powerless, like he had just been stabbed in every inch of his soul "I've spent all this time...All this energy killing people? Is that it?"

The brunette looked at Levi with concerning eyes. She knew how much he valued human lives. That new hadn't been an easy one to digest to anyone. But especially to him...

"Look, we don't know for certainty..." Hange said. Her voice was also quieter than usual...

Now that was something no one was expecting to hear...

After Hange, Connie and Pixis left, the raven haired man was left alone with Erwin to discuss new plans for the missions. Levi turned to him, and a shocked expression was painted on his face when he noticed the Commander of the Scout Regiment was smiling after all of that cruel and disgusting story.

"What's with that smile?" Levi asked with his blue eyes and mouth wide opened.

Erwin finally looked at him. Not only he was smiling but his eyes were sparkling too much. That made the raven haired man give him an even more shocked look.

"Oh it's nothing..." Erwin replied as he stopped smiling "It's just seems to me that we've taken one more step towards the truth..."

"Wow...What a step, huh? We're going to run off soldiers before we find out the truth..." Levi commented and turned his back on the man who was still sitting in the bed "The sacrifice's not worth it"

The blonde man frowned his eyebrows and put on a serious and determinate look.

"Everything comes with a price..." Erwin started. Then, lifting his head, his eyes shined as he sensed a new challenge right in front of him "One day we'll come close enough to break through the Wall boarding us from the truth..."

...

The four teenagers and the young adult were still sitting on the same corridor in open air. They had just explained Lena everything. And, of course, her reaction wasn't quite the most pleasant one...If there was a thing that she wasn't expecting from hear was that...

First the Titans in Wall Rose that made almost killed her family and now she found out those two boys were the people who had taken everything from them... It made her nerves boil with rage, anger and revolt but at the same time completely numb and helpless.

Lena still hoped that was all a joke...That it was all a nightmare...It didn't seem real and she didn't want it to be real...Why was that world so cruel?

"Lena... Are you okay?" Eren asked.

The ginger haired, who was now sitting in one of the stoned benches, turned her face towards the brown haired boy. He was looking at her with worried eyes. The tears weren't falling much more...After all, she had shed every tear on her body for the month.

"I'm fine..." Lena whispered looking at him, but soon broke down immediately and covered her face with her hands "Actually no, I'm not fine why on the Walls everything has to be like this? God your heart probably broke into a million pieces"

"We're not going to lie...It is..." Jean said, looking at the ground "Those bastards took everything away....And we swear this won't end here...."

"Reiner and Berthold...Who would've thought?" Armin asked sarcastically.

"And because of me most of the veterans are dead...I am the useless one here..." Eren cursed as he closed his fists in anger and rage.

"Eren..." Mikasa said softly.

Lena got up from the ground quickly and grabbed the brown haired boy's shoulders with strength and determination.

"This isn't the time to use yourself as a punching bag. You hear me well with those ears of yours??" The gingerhead frowned her eyebrows and looked deeply into his green eyes "What is done is done. Nothing can be changed and we don't have any clock that reverts the time"

"I know that..." Eren looked at the side, embarrassed.

"Good. Then stop punching your own stomach that it doesn't get us anywhere" Lena continued, taking her arms away from his shoulders although she continued looking at him. Obviously 'punching himself' was kind of a metaphor, but it didn't surprise Lena if the boy actually started punching his own face. After all, she knew him too well.

But after all, who was she to talk? Lena did the exact same thing when it came to her... Everyone talked, except when the same situation happened to them. And even if they gave some advice, that thought didn't change...

"By the way, Lena..." Jean said, capturing her attention again. He looked at her with a serious expression "Historia wants to talk to you..."

Chapter Text

The grey and old woman was at her dark, yet comfortable new office. Grey, brown dresses, white aprons, shiny shoes, long white night dresses were already packed in the bags, waiting for being taken by the woman through out the door. Her small caramel eyes wandered around the office, as she observed every little detail of it.

She was expecting to say goodbye to her old offices. To remember every healed patient, every patient who didn't recover, every hugs and cries and laughter... The offices where a new nurse always presented herself, in hopes to be guided by that demanding and rough, yet bittersweet strong woman. However, it was a different time. The Titans had suddenly appeared and probably destroyed every piece of the old headquarters.

A sad smile painted her wrinkled face...Her brown greyish hair was wrapped behind in the same perfect bun. Her usual grey dress that lengthened until her shins was always shiny and clean. Knowing that she was going to leave that job, the one purpose on her life, the whole other reason why she lived, was such a queer sentiment. It almost didn't feel real.

"Ms. Rudella...May I come in?" The grave voice of the Commander of the Scout Regiment called.

Rudella sat on her chair, and put her stethoscope on the table.

"Of course, Commander Erwin..." Rudella said, cleaning the tears that were already forming on her wrinkles.

The blonde, tall and imposing Commander entered the room. He was still with his Scout Regiment uniform, as he observed the expression of the oldest nurse, that was soon going to leave them.

"Now that's a thing I wasn't expecting to see. The good old Rudella leaving her so beloved Scout Regiment. I seriously thought I'd die before that could happen" Erwin commented as he faced the old woman with a clear admiration "That's rather a strange sight...Almost uncomfortable"

The old woman let out a small and sarcastic laughter echoing in the office. Looking at the blonde haired man with a smirk on her face and challenging eyes. It was like Erwin didn't know that no one could trick her...

"Oh, Commander...I know what you're trying to do. I wasn't born yesterday" Rudella warned. Then, taking the eyes of the imposing figure of Erwin, she looked down at her greased shiny shoes "All those years I understand that little small talk. You won't try to convince me to stay"

Erwin widened his blue eyes, but soon replaced that surprised look with another smile. Rudella could be already a bit old, but her smart and astute mind was still as fresh as new.

"I should've me known...Ms Rudella always as smart as a fox" The blonde haired man chuckled "Although I was in hopes I could convince just staying a little longer"

"You're wasting your time, Commander. I made my decision" The old woman declared, haughty and with certainty on her voice.

"Then don't think about as me asking you to stay. Think about it as me asking you for one last favor for the Scout Regiment" Erwin said, this time with a less smooth voice, coming closer to the table where Rudella was sat "The nurses are lost, Titans took away from her everything they had, almost even their families"

"Berthe can handle it, I trust her as my right hand woman" Rudella answered with certainty on her voice. There was nothing that could take that woman down "I'm always going to be here when she needs guidance. But I can't do what I used to do anymore"

"Ms Rudella, I'm just asking-"

"Commander Erwin Smith...I'm old. My mind and my body are not like they used to be anymore. I cannot deal with this job the way I could before" Rudella got up from the chair and faced the Commander with secure and stoic eyes "You know that I've always went beyond my strength to serve the Scout Regiment with everything I had. And now it is the time they let me go..."

Erwin looked down at his feet to what the old woman was saying. The way Rudella was right made him feel even more uncomfortable and sorrowful. But that was the reality and they all needed that to sink in. The demanding and grumpy Rudella was going to leave the Scout Regiment. It didn't feel real, but it was the truth.

The blonde man gave her a little sad smile. He had no other choice...

The grey haired woman observed him... Her chest felt like being stabbed on, and the tears were already fighting to fall in. But at the same time, Rudella didn't want to seem vulnerable in front of the Commander of the Scout Regiment. Not only him, but to Erwin Smith himself as well.

"Don't put on that expression. Don't think it's not painful to me as it is to you. Watching you grow up from a dreamy young boy... Into the Commander of the Scout Regiment..." Rudella said, putting on a facade of strong not wanting to seem vulnerable or weak "Some of you got lost in the way... But I still remember everyone and every single soldier's names. And I know I'm always saying to my nurses that they shouldn't bound with soldiers, but it's an impossible thing to do. We are all the same..."

The blonde Commander took a long sigh...

"I know you are going to avenge their deaths like no one. I am putting my trust in you, Erwin" She said again, looking deeply into his blue eyes.

Erwin looked at the older woman with surprise. Rudella had never been one of speeches or too much talking. She was always straight forward in what she wanted to say and most of the times, not even showing a little bit of emotion. On that moment, however, it was a whole different picture. But could anyone blame her?

The man switched to his small smile again, as his blue eyes shined brightly with the already emotional atmosphere. They looked into their eyes, with a deep trust and respect for one another, as they always have.

"The Scout Regiment won't be the same without you, Ms Rudella.... You will be missed"

...

Historia sat in a stoned bench in one of the corridors. Her sorrowful blue eyes, that looked that they had no bright left in them, wondered through the ground, almost seeming like they were analyzing every stone that her feet were stepping in. There wasn't any sign of a smile, only pained and completely lost expression. She was dressed in a simple white buttoned shirt and the same dirty pink skirt until her shins.

Her eyes continued wondering through the rocks of the ground... She tried not to think about everything that had happened, but her mind and her heart couldn't stop bringing her soul until that right moment. That moment who turned her life and herself upside down completely.

Everything seemed like it didn't make sense anymore, everything seemed like cracking at any second. Nothing seemed real, nothing seemed worth it....

Not with her gone...

Then, the blonde girl heard some steps on the ground. As she lifted her head up, she noticed the woman she was looking for walking in the corridor. 5'0 feet tall, chubby appearance and the long frizzy ginger curls until the end of her back. Dressed in a simple clear yellow summer dress until her shins.

Historia gulped...The older woman was looking at her with her sorrowful eyes. The blonde girl didn't talk to her very much, but she liked her spontaneity and honesty. She had always felt jealous of her for being able to be so much herself, or of everyone really...Everyone was themselves, except for herself.... Well... Reiner and Berthold too...

"Lena..." Historia started in a quiet tone, as the ginger haired woman came closer to her.

"Hi, Chris-" Then the ginger haired noticed what she was about to say. She quickly shook her head, not smiling, but showing an expression of worry "I mean... Historia"

"So you know then..." The blonde girl commented to the side, a bit embarrassed. She still wasn't used to that. But she assumed everyone would find out eventually.

Lena started walking towards the stoned corridor she was sitting, and decided to sit right next to her. Seeing her face so helpless gave her a sentiment of nostalgia, but of course, for the worst reasons. She didn't seem the same joyful girl she had met when she had first arrived at the Scout Regiment. But the gingerhead understood why, and that worried her...

"They told me a while ago..." Lena said, this time with a smile. As in a way of trying to tell her it wasn't anything serious.

"I didn't meant to lie to all of you... I was just-" Historia started, but was quickly interrupted by the freckled cheeks.

"That's what matters the less right now, you don't have to explain anything..." Lena said in a serious, yet serene, tone "What matters is now...Are you feeling alright?"

The blonde girl said nothing, instead she turned her eyes away from her and looked at the ground. She looked like she was trying to find the right words to explain what she was feeling. It was probably a mix of them in her heart, Lena knew that feeling too well...

"Did they tell you about Ymir, Reiner and Berthold too?" She asked, as she continued looking at the ground.

The ginger haired woman took a sorrowful sigh...

"Y-Yes, they did... That's why I asked you how are you feeling" Lena said, still looking at her "As someone who almost lost her sister a week ago, I know that you're not feeling alright at all.

"I didn't call you to talk about this..." Historia replied, almost in a pained whisper.

"It's good for us to throw it all out, you know? Everything, every pain and every sorrow on that heart" Lena said, and put her hand on her shoulder. Then she gave her a small smile, trying to show the teenager that she was there for her, and that she understood what she was passing by "But if you don't want to talk about it, it's okay... I just want you to remember that me and your friends are all here"

Historia looked at the ground one more time with a pained bright on her blue eyes.

"There's no point in trying to hide what I feel...I already hided enough things from you..." Historia said, looking down. Then she took a long sigh to gain strength "I am completely lost... I don't know what else I can do... With Ymir gone I lost my purpose, and I've lost completely who I am... Even if deep inside... I understand that it was her own choice..."

Lena noticed the way the blonde spoke of Ymir. It was the same way she spoke of Levi. With all her heart and all her being. With all her sadness and her joy. With all her bright, and yet the darkness...

The redhead looked at her with pity on her freckled face.

"Ymir...You loved her didn't you?"

"She was the reason I had for living...I feel like I've lost completely what I am..." Historia said "Maybe it's strange for you, two girls loving each other like this..."

"Historia that's what matters the less. Love is not something conditional...You loved her and Ymir loved you..."

"Then why did she run away? Why did she leave me?"

"I don't know...But I know Ymir loved you more than anything in the world..." The ginger haired woman caressed her cheek with caring "I'm sure that whatever was the reason she had a good explanation. I know she has... What matters is that you will always keep her in your heart"

"But she told me to continue living my life..."

"So? You can continue living your life and be happy on your own, that doesn't mean you have to forget her..." Lena smiled kindly to the blonde girl "Historia...That name suits you better than Christa"

Historia raised her thick eyebrows and blue eyes. She still wasn't used to be called by her name. After all, more than five years living under a mask and a fake name, she was surprised how she hadn't completely transformed in person she pretended to be. However, talking with the rest of her comrades, who were always true to themselves and genuine, slowly she would get used to it.

The blonde girl smiled, blushing, and faced the ground made of stone, analysing well the conversation she just had with the young nurse.

"Thank you, Lena..." She said, almost in a whisper "This conversation helped me a little bit to clean my mind. But there's still things that I must tell you..."

Lena opened widely her eyes to the serious and direct tone of the young girl. The freckled cheeks had forgotten that wasn't the reason why she had called her to talk to her. But, even so, she was happy to at least help Historia a little bit. She asked herself what were the 'things' that the blonde was going to tell her. She was curious, but at the same time a fear ballasted through her veins.

What things? What mysteries could those be?

"Then tell me that I'm getting more nervous than a sinner in a church" Lena said, in her usual hesitant tone that she had whenever she was anxious. And, once again, starting to talk about things that didn't make any sense "It's nothing bad, is it? Don't tell me I'm also a Titan and I don't know. You know I didn't have anything to do with the fall of Shingashina or the Titans in Wall Rose. No need to be suspicious of me"

If it was a different situation, Historia would've laughed. But, with everything that was happening, it was hard to laugh with things like that. Especially because she was almost telling Lena something that will turn her life upside down.

"I want to tell you something... Something that I feel like you should know about" Historia said, looking into her eyes "Something about your family..."

"Huh? About my family, Historia?" Lena asked, frowning her eyebrows.

And then, suddenly, the words coming from Adam's grave and coarse voice returned into her mind...

"That's too bad...I even thought I could tell you something about your family" Adam murmured to the side, making the gingerhead even more confused "Something very important..."

"What are you talking about? What does my family have to do with anything?" Lena asked, not understanding anything of what he was saying.

"Why would I tell you? If you don't want to come with me, I guess that doesn't matter to you" The curly haired man let a small smirk and his eyes became even duller than they used to be.

"That's it, now I'm really going to go crazy. But after all, what is going on with my family?" The ginger haired woman sighed into the air, but quickly put her eyes back on Historia.

"MP's have been watching you and your family for a while" The blonde girl started, already feeling the sweat falling from her forehead. Just from seeing the widened eyes full of nervousness of Lena made her be almost regretted of what she was about to tell her.

"What?? I'm not understand anything, what did my family do??" Lena asked, feeling each time more exalted "And why did you know that we were being followed and never told us anything??"

"I was hiding my identity as well...So I couldn't have done it" Historia said, already feeling the regret on her heart as she observed the ginger haired woman's expression "I'm sorry...Will you forgive me?"

Lena took a long sigh and put her hand on her forehead, trying to calm herself. She had to understand that Historia had no choice, but at the sake time her most selfish side couldn't be helped to be disappointed and angry at the blonde girl.

"I forgive you but I'm still angry!" Lena breathed deeply one more time "Historia I just want to know why we're being followed..."

"Nothing is really confirmed. So I can't tell you this for sure. Don't take my words as a fact, because they're not" The blonde girl warned.

"I couldn't care less about that. Please, just tell me what's going on..." Lena repeated, feeling each time more dumb with the despair on her heart, deepening even more.

Their blue eyes encountered each other.

Until Historia finally gained courage to tell her everything she had been hiding until that moment.

Her mouth opened slowly and Lena's eyebrows raised.

"Lena... The MP's believe...That you and I" She started. Her eyelids becoming more widened each second "-Are from the same family..."

. . .

Maybe many times, we ask ourselves why. Maybe many times we ask ourselves for what reason. Why this, why that. And maybe we're never truly satisfied until we have an answer. And Lena wasn't an exception. Her mouth and her throat had became dry, and her eyes widened. She didn't quite know what her heart was feeling. Surprise, fear, perhaps a certain relief?

"We're...We're what?" Lena asked. Her heart was beating at a thousand an hour and her throat seemed unable to omit any sound.

"Lena, we don't know for sure. That's what the MP's believe" Historia tried to calm her down, since she was already sensing the ginger haired woman going crazy at that new information.

"But how do they believe that if they have no proof?? And what is the matter with your family that they are persecuting you?" Lena kept asking questions. Questions which Historia couldn't respond, because she herself didn't have an answer.

"Don't ask me questions that I can't answer, please..."

Lena understood the pained and regretted tone of Historia and immediately tried to calm herself down. But, however, her heart kept beating faster and faster. She just asked that her family would be alright... She had to warn them. Lena would immediately go to Mitras to warn Herr and Louise, and then they would be able to warn Peter and his family. She couldn't simply stay quiet in that situation. Her family was in danger one more time.

The gingerhead couldn't risk losing anyone else. She couldn't risk not even slightly.

"Thank you for telling me Historia..." Lena put a hand on her shoulder, making the blonde girl look at her with sad eyes "You know you can come to me whenever you need"

Historia could've easily put a smile on her face, but she had promised she would start being her truest self, without faking, without pretending. So, she simply referred to a more serene expression and nodded with her head.

...

Levi was finally back from the reunion. It was strange having a new squad, especially since they were all from the 104th cadet corps. Protecting Eren and Historia was such an important mission, he was surprised how Erwin had decided that. Even though, they had talents like Mikasa Ackerman and Armin Arlert, who were so intelligent.

Walking through the corridors made of stone, he would go to his room packing his things to go away on that exact moment. But first, he would say goodbye to Lena and explain her the situation.

Not being able to tell anything about what was going on with her family, simply because her brother didn't let ir, was killing him insine. An endless fire lightened on his chest. But he had orders from Erwin, and orders were to be followed. Followed well and strictly. There's not a worst life than the life of a soldier.

As he arrives in Lena's room, he hears quite peculiar noises. Carefully, he opens the door and observes the ginger haired woman putting a few things on the bag she usually wore when she visited her sister from Sina.

Lena had just gone to her house on that morning. Would she go there again?

"Can I come in or not?" Levi asked, immediately capturing the ginger haired woman's attention.

He looked into her eyes with a worried look. Levi felt goose bumps all over his body. The last time he had seen Lena like this was when her sister was in the hospital recovering.

What had happened?

"Why the hell are you packing your stuff? Are you going on vacations?" the raven haired man asked sarcastically, raising one of his dark eyebrows.

"Levi I don't have time for now to talk. I have to pack my things to go to my sister and to my brother. Now, right now" the ginger haired woman continued trying to close her bag with hurry.

"Weren't you at her house this morning? You know it's not safe to go out more than once a day" Levi tried to warn, his protectiveness speaking always louder, but all the time discreet.

"It's way more dangerous if I stay here" Lena finally picked her bag and faced Levi front to front "Historia explained me everything. Louise, Peter and my nephew and nieces are at a great danger. I have to warn them now"

Levi felt like he was being without air at once...

And of course that Historia knew everything, most likely much more than they did... And now, Lena also knew about it. At least a huge weight had been taken away from his consciousness. But, even so, he felt so regretted for not telling her. Even if he knew that he didn't have a choice...

"Don't be an idiot, big mouth. It's almost night, if you go right now you'll only put your dumb ass in danger" Levi stroke back.

"If you think I won't warn my family that they're in danger, you're very mistaken!" Lena insisted, frowning her thick eyebrows and putting a determinate expression.

Levi cursed himself. Sometimes he forgot he was talking to one of the most stubborn people on the Walls. But he could be more stubborn than she was.

"Don't be an reckless idiot and listen to me for once. It's getting dark and you want to go from one side of the territory to another. If you think I'll let you act like an idiot, you're completely mistaken" The raven haired man faced her already annoyed face.

"Why are you doing this??" Lena asked, already feeling nervous and angry about all that situation.

"I'm doing this because I don't want you to get hurt" Levi exclaimed.

"If you don't let me my family is the one who will get hurt!!"

"Lena, your family knows about it" Levi finally admitted. His heart seemed like it was going to explode out of his chest with so much regret.

That regret grew even bigger when he saw the ginger haired woman's numb and confused expression. He was regretted for not telling him, but he didn't have a choice. He only hoped Lena would understand...

And as he expected, her reaction wasn't very relieved or happy. Instead, she just supported her bottom on the table and looked at him with her blue eyes widened.

"What?" Lena simply questioned. Her blue eyes with a sad and melancholic bright.

"It's better if you sit down"

"I'm not sitting down at all! How did my family know and how did you know that they knew?? I'm not understanding anything!!" The ginger haired exclaimed, running her fingers through her frizzy curls, and feeling her throat even more dry.

Levi took a deep breath, with her heart being squeezed each time.

"Pastor Nick and your brother told me and the veterans. But we were ordered not to tell you, your brother ordered us not to" Levi finally clarified the mysteries that the ginger haired woman wanted to hear.

Hearing that was like a knife on the freckled cheeks' heart. She didn't know what to do or what to say. She didn't know if she should feel angry, frustrated, sad or disappointed.

"Oh so you knew too!! Apparently I am the only dumb one who didn't know anything!!" Lena exclaimed with her voice louder "Why didn't you tell me? I had the right to know!!"

"Lena I had orders-"

"Orders, orders, orders, orders!!! You don't talk about anything else but orders! If you were ordered to throw yourself into a well, would you do it??" Lena asked, already exalted. And for his part, Levi was already losing his patience. She couldn't understand why.

Levi was already feeling the nerves of Lena boiling, she was becoming that emotional mess it always happened when she was angry and lost. Not balancing the words she said and perhaps saying things she would regret later. The raven haired man's goal would to calm her down so he could make her be more rational.

But how would he do that?

"I know that, damn it. You think I'm not regretted for not being able to tell you?" The raven haired man asked.

"That's right... You're regretted because you know you should've tell me!" Lena continued in a higher tone, although calmer "I'm not a soldier, so this thing about following strictly orders is still new to me. But in my opinion... There are times when your values and opinions are more important than following orders!"

Levi frowned his eyebrows in annoyance.

Didn't she understand that all the burning in his chest since the day he was told he couldn't tell her what was going on? But for some reason, he didn't know how to tell her, or how to speak. As if he had frozen in that immediate place. He had never seen Lena with such a disappointed face, not even in the endless arguments they had when they first met.

The black-haired man wanted to tell her everything his heart wanted to tell her, but the words wouldn't come out.

"You know I didn't have a choice!" he had just said.

Lena's eyes remained only on the floor, in an expression of pain.

"There's always a choice..." Lena said, holding her arms in vulnerability.

Then the redhead left the room, her heart still feeling like it was going to burst out of her chest. Hasty words in a moment of intense emotions and feelings. One of Lena's worst faults... Which ended up hurting Levi as well. He felt helpless, weak, guilty... But at the same time, he only asked Lena for a little more understanding.

"Lena, wait a damn minute" Levi said, as he also got out of the room.

It wasn't like the usual fights where Levi felt like teaching her some lessons of respect. It was so strange... Like a completely bitter feeling, a knife on his chest that didn't seem to stop. He didn't want to scream at her, he only wanted to hold her tightly and not letting her go.

And while she walked through the corridors, her tears fell from her eyes. What was she supposed to feel? Angry? Sad? Afraid? It was all at a time, that the freckled cheeks felt like she was going to explode. She was angry at her brother, who still treated her like a little girl, she was angry at Levi for not telling her, she was angry at all of that situation.

Lena only wanted to crawl into a cave and disappear. It was too many things happening, and too many emotions, some of them she couldn't even name them.

"Lena get your ass in here" She heard Levi's voice walking through the corridors.

Suddenly, she felt a hand grabbing her arm. Turning her around, she faced the raven haired Captain's face. Suddenly, he made her arm go up and pressed her against the wall. Their faces centimeters away from each other.

"What do you think you're doing! Let me go!" Lena exclaimed as she tried to release herself.

"Not until you listen to me closely and with attention" Levi's husky voice echoed through her ear. It made shivers on her spine and butterflies.

No, she was still angry.

"D-Don't you dare come to me now playing Romeo. You... You Captain Ice Cube!" Lena closed her eyes, not wanting to see his handsome face so close to hers. She wouldn't take it that way...

"Stop acting like a spoiled brat and listen to me!" Levi insisted, moving even closer to Lena. But she wouldn't budge, her eyes still closed.

In an irritated sigh, the black-haired captain pressed his lips over hers. If she wouldn't look at him one way, then she would look at him another way. And he happened to know the perfect trick to make that stubborn redhead melt at his feet.

And his plan had succeeded. Lena surrendered completely to his lips, putting her arms through his black hair, they explored each other's mouths in a kiss with a high tension of their argument. And so a few minutes passed, with Lena caressing Levi's face and Levi increasing more and more the intensity of those fiery kisses.

Running out of air, they both stopped. Lena's blue eyes stared into Levi's. One look at them and he could see all her sadness and sorrow for what had just happened. Levi felt sorry, regretful, and morbid. He had hated every second of that argument. And so did Lena. It was not like the silly, unimportant arguments of the beginning over trivial matters.

"I'm sorry, Lena... I know I should've told you everything from the beginning but I just couldn't..." Levi sighed, not even looking into her eyes.

The redhead sighed too. She caressed his cheek, as she always did, and gave him a kiss on the forehead, which made Levi's heart flutter.

"Yes you should've... But I understand. A soldier's life is more confused than a medicine leaflet" Lena sighed, taking her eyes off Levi's "I'm sorry, Levi...I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. But I was just so scared and angry and-"

"Don't explain what you can't explain..." Levi quietly said.

"What am I supposed to do, Levi?" Lena asked, still crying and letting hiccups "How am I supposed to help my family if I can't even protect myself?"

"The best thing you can do to protect your family right now is to stay safe yourself. Herr Schmidt had already taken care of some soldiers from the Survey Corps to keep an eye on them. So don't worry" Levi whispered in a way to calm her down "Just say on the headquarters and don't go out much. Or at least go out with someone during the day"

Lena nodded, still feeling completely helpless. She hated feeling like a damsel in distress. She hated that Levi and the other soldiers had to protect her. She hated being dependent on someone. The black-haired captain understood what the redhead was feeling. Lena was used to taking care of her problems and had always been independent, she hated being looked after.

Still, Levi probably felt even more scared than the ginger-haired woman. He didn't know if he had done the right thing in telling her. He still hadn't gotten used to having a 'relationship' with someone. Sometimes he also felt helpless and was afraid that he wasn't being a good partner. But at that moment, his terror and determination to protect Lena overcame any fear and insecurity he might have had.

"What about you? Are you going on a mission?" Lena asked.

"Yes, me and my new squad have the mission of protecting Eren and Historia. Me, Armin, Sasha Jean and-"

"What? My sugarplums are already going on a mission like that, but is everyone crazy or what??" Lena questioned, this time already feisty as she usually was.

"Don't be an idiot. They go fight Titans out there every month, they can handle this. That's why I chose them" Levi replied, taking a few steps away from the redhead.

Lena let out a sigh.

She had to learn to control her protective instincts. At that moment, they would probably even be the ones protecting her. Knowing that Levi would be there for her warmed her heart like never before, and almost made her forget the argument from a few minutes ago... She had let her emotions take over once again. And Levi hadn't gotten mad or yelled at her....

"Then please... Protect them like they were your own children" Lena begged, her blue eyes saying the most sentimental and worried things.

"Tch not the way you do, that's for sure. Don't expect me to sing them lullabies the way you do" Levi said, making her giggling for the first time in all of that long hour.

How could someone like Levi, with the most bizarre sense of humor she had ever met, make her laugh at her worst and darkest moments. Not just laugh, he made her feel a myriad of things. He was her light, her darkness, her sorrow, her laugh, her cry, her peace, her confusion, her temptation. He made her feel every possible emotion.

And Lena loved him so much, so much that it hurt.

...

The next day had came soon, Levi would be out in the middle of the forest with his new squadron. Protecting Eren and Historia.

Lena was standing by her bedroom window, running her fingers along the strings of her guitar. She was looking at the window with a deep longing in her eyes, playing a soft and melancholic melody, almost representing the feelings that dominated her little heart.

She stopped playing and touched the rosary on her neck.

"Please God... He stopped playing and touched the rosary on his neck. Make sure my sugarplums are safe. Not only them, but Hange, Moblit and Levi too..." Lena said to herself.

Lena leaned her head against the window, her sad eyes watching the streets, with soldiers leaving and entering.

Among these soldiers, Lena would ask for one of them to be Levi. He would enter the castle and take her away from that place. To a place without Titans, without sadness, without tragedies, without evil. And they would live happily ever after.

"Look at me... I look like a maiden crying for her lover and calling out to God like in those medieval songs" the ginger haired woman sighed...

Her most selfish, darkest inner self was asking for that. She was asking God that her family would be okay just like her sugarplums. But deep inside, the thing she wanted most was to live a normal life with the man she loved. A life of peace, love and happiness. Until they achieved that goal, Levi would be that life. He would be her world of happiness. As long as Levi was with her, this world could become the world she dreamed of. Even if it was only for a few minutes.

While Lena found herself melancholy and longing in her room, those feelings would not last long.

KNOCK!

KNOCK!

KNOCK!

Her sad eyes turned to the door. It must have been Judy cranky about the lack of soldiers.

"You may enter" Lena replied, wiping away the small crystalline tears forming in her eyes.

As soon as the door opened, her eyes replaced the sadness with a look of fear.

The brown colored curls, the morbid brown eyes, the face that seemed to be sculpted by God, the freckles and the mischievous smile.

"Adam...?" Lena said, almost in a whisper "W-What are you doing here?"

Adam let out his usual mischievous smile. Seeing his face, Lena immediately got up from her chair and stood back.

Adam knew about her family. He knew, which was why he had blackmailed her the last time they had been together. She had never thought Adam could be that dangerous, but it was as Levi said. She had to be as cautious as possible. 

"Come on spit it out! Are you deaf? What are you doing here? How did you get in here?" Lena asked, her heart beating a thousand an hour.

He was in his MP uniform, staring her up and down. His brown eyes, without light or brightness looked as if they were going to suck out her soul. Now Lena understood what Moblit had said about Adam's eyes. The other times she hadn't noticed, but now that she was looking more closely, she knew what the soldier meant...

They had no light, no brightness, no soul. Have they always been like this, or did something happen to make them like this?

"What? Can't I just pay a visit to court the woman I love?" Adam questioned , giving her the same smirk.

"Don't be a synic liar and tell me, for God's sake! How did you get in here, what do you want from me??" the ginger haired woman continued. Her blue eyes were full of something that she hadn't felt in a long time... Fear.

Adam started to approach the redhead and she took a few steps back. Always with the chair in front of her. Only, the wall was behind her and Lena couldn't go anywhere else.

"Adam, Adam or you stay back or I'll throw this chair on you!" Lena demanded, her eyebrows frowning, but her heart beating with fear.

"Why are you running away from me, Lena?" Adam asked again. His voice was smooth and grave, just like a true gentleman from Sina. Even with the slightly fancy accent of those aristocrats.

"Why? Why?? Because you're scaring me!! Or you tell me why you are here or I'm going to scream and call a soldier!!" Lena shouted.

Adam only chuckled to the side, as he got even closer to the freckled cheeks.

"Sometimes I feel like you don't know me at all..."

"It's because I truly don't know you at all... First you want to come into my life like nothing had happened and now you want to come into my room for some reason that I still don't know!!" Lena said, already letting tears fall down her face "Tell me what you want or else I'll kick you away from here...!!"

Adam continued getting closer... And closer... And closer to the point where he was only in a two feet distance. Lena held her chair even tightly and started to think about a way to get into the other side so she could get out of the room. 

"You know, Lena... I have to say that you surprised me. I still thought that you were that naive little girl who I fell in love with when we were children. And, to be honest, I'm still utterly in love with you-" Adam continued getting close to the ginger haired woman and she continued to put her chair in front of her.

"Shut up!!! I don't believe in a word you're saying, you liar!!! If you think you can trick me so I'll go with you, you're terribly mistaken!!" Lena continued shouting desperately "Why are you here?? What do you want from me???"

"The only fault you have though... Is being even louder than I remember"

And as Adam moved even closer, the redhead jabbed the chair into his abdomen, making him groan in pain and anger. Quickly, trying to run towards the door. But just as she started to run, the brown-haired soldier grabbed her so fast that she didn't even have time to move.

Adam's arm was around the redhead's neck and a knife was pointed at her back.

Tears of panic and fear began to fall down Lena's cheeks....

"HELP!!! SOMEBODY HELP!!!!" Lena screamed desperately in a mix of panic, fear and with the thick tears falling from everywhere.

But the moment Lena screamed, Adam placed a cloth over her mouth and nose with a hideous smell. And the second after that, she lost her consciousness and fell in Adam's arms.