Archive of Our Own ^beta

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September 12^th, Riddle Loft

New York City, get ready, because the bitch is BACK! (I know you can’t hear me, Journal, but I just Thanos-snapped like a queen) That’s right, summer break is over and I’m finally back from Genovia. More importantly, I’m back to QUIRRELL!!!!

The past 2 and a half months in Genovia have been absolute TORTURE. No Wifi, no laptop, aka no way to contact Quirrell except for a handful of calls when my Dad lent me his phone out of pity. Like, do they not realize that I’m 18 and at the prime of my life??? I should be out having road trips and partying with my friends, not trapped in a palace all summer.

Ugh, I know, I know, could I be anymore ungrateful to be living in a palace in a beautiful country with sunny beaches and perfect weather year-round? Yeesh, I get it, but let me tell you: living with Grandmére puts the Spanish Inquisition to SHAME. Thank god I’m back in NYC for school and away from being around Grandmére 24/7, because I was THIS CLOSE to ripping my hair out in frustration. Which would be a downright shame, since my platinum blonde hair is now blessed by the touch of Paolo.

Anyways, Grandmére is just so- she’s so UGH! Like, it’s bad enough that I have endure 3 hours of Prince Lessons with her every single day (the only thing that has me coming back each time is the $100 a day that Dad donates to the Save The Snakes Foundation in exchange for letting Grandmére DEVOUR MY SOUL!!!!!), but she is seriously pushing my limits.

Does she care that I am very happily in love with Quirrell, my best friend of 14 years and the most wonderful boyfriend in the entire world- scratch that, the entire GALAXY- who is the literally the only thing keeping me sane? No, of course she doesn’t. Why, you ask? BECAUSE SHE IS AN INSANE, SHRIVELED OLD WITCH WHO CARES ABOUT NOTHING BUT HER DOG, CHANEL NO. 5 AND GITANES!

For the umpteenth time, she dragged Quirrell’s name through the mud and asked me to break up with him. And for what reason? Oh, that’s right, all because she thinks he’s POOR. Well, excuse me Grandmére, if not everyone defines poor as not having a room full of jewels and enough Louis Vuitton to fund an entire village!!!! I mean, come on, Quirrell’s parents are respected psychologists and they are certainly not living in squalor OR a hovel OR the slums, as Grandmére rudely accused.

Worst still, she keeps pestering me to dump Quirrell for “that saucy Potter boy”! First of all, have I mentioned how crazy in love Quirrell and I are? Second of all, gross, Harry is my friend, that’s all we are, and he is most definitely not saucy. Third of all, HELL NO because Harry is dating Bella, who aside from Quirrell, is my total bff!! I may be a lot of things: a failure of a Prince, an actual failure at school, a closet dancer and Zefron stan, but I am NOT a man-stealer.

2 years ago, it was Princess Reneé who she tried to set me up with. Last year, it was Prince Feurgin. When is she going to take the hint? I AM VERY HAPPY WITH QUIRRELL AND I DO NOT CARE THAT HE IS NON-ROYAL, GRANDMÉRE!!!!!!

Oh, Yaxley just sent me a text!

Yax: Are you excited for the first day of senior year tomorrow? Are you?? I’M SO EXCITED!!!!!

Voldy: Dude, chill. It’s just senior year

Yax: Uh, NO, it is not “just senior year”! This is our last year tgt in HHS :( We have to really cherish this year! I’m gonna miss you guys so muchhhh

Voldy: Aw Yax, we’ll all still get to see each other and stuff…

Yax: Oh that reminds me, have you and Quirrell made post-graduation plans yet? Are you going to college tgt? That would be SO romantic!!!! For me, you know my first choice is Harvard and Severus wants to go to Berklee, so the two of us will be just a few mins apart yay! 

Voldy: Cool, I’m so happy for you two. But…isn’t it a bit soon to be thinking about post-graduation tho?

Yax: It’s never too late! If you wanna go to college with your boo, you need to start planning ahead. Anyway, you didn’t answer my question. Have you and Quirrell discussed college yet?

Okay, so here’s the problem: I’m too scared to even THINK about college right now. Because I know that Quirrell and I are never going to go to the same college. I mean, just look at my shit grades. They’re…wow, I’m looking at my report book right now and they are really shit. Meanwhile, Quirrell is so smart and his dream is to go to freaking Columbia University, which I could never get into!!!!

And besides, I still don’t know what I wanna do in the future! It feels like all my friends have got it figured out: Quirrell’s into all that science-y crap with a side of Jane Austen, Bella’s all set for political science, Yax is considering pre-med, Harry’s pursuing playwriting and Snape’s been bursting our eardrums with his violin for years.

Me? I have no dang clue.

Okay, you know what? This is fine. This is totally fine. We still have our entire senior year to figure it out and no matter what, we’ll stay strong together. Yax is just freaking me out with his inhuman pro-activeness; I bet Bella and Harry haven’t even mentioned college to each other yet. Quirrell and I are fine. There’s no need to rush, we still have a lot of time-

Yax: Yo, Voldemort, you still there, man?

Yax: HelloooOOoooOoo

Yax: ????

Oops, forgot he was still waiting for my response.

Voldy: Yeah, was distracted, sorry! Uh, no, we haven’t discussed it yet

Yax: Duuuude, you better get on it then! Have you seen Quirrell since you came back from Genovia?

Voldy: Not yet! Buuuuut we’re meeting tonight!!!! He says he has something “important” to tell me

Yax: OMGGGGG what do you think it is???

Voldy: Idk, guess we’ll see ;)

Yax: AH!! You better be giving me all the deets tmr! Oh, speaking of Quirrell, are we still on for our Prom Night plan?

Right. So, Yaxley’s aunt waxed poetry to him about the sanctity of virginity and ever since, he’s been determined to keep his “Precious Flower” for “the right man”. And according to him, Snape is “the one”. But he still insists on giving away his Precious Flower on a special occasion, which is, you guessed it, Senior Prom.

And I don’t know HOW he did it, but Yax somehow convinced ME to do the same. Seriously though, I never thought I would be one of those guys who wanted to wait, but somewhere along “Don’t you want your first time to be SPECIAL, Voldemort?”, Yax’s big puppy eyes, and Grandmére plying me with Jane Eyre, I kinda thought it might be nice to wait.

Plus, Quirrell’s totally cool with our Prom Night plan! Well…not exactly. More like sighs and smiles painfully every time I hit pause on our makeout sessions, but goddamn it, I have a VISION, okay?! Imagine how much more MAGICAL it’ll be when we finally do it on Prom Night!!!! AHH, I can’t wait!

Voldy: Yep, we’re still on!

Yax: Yay!!! I’m betting that you, me, Quirrell and Severus will be the last virgins at HHS lol

Voldy: HAH, Last Virgins, sounds like a cheesy romcom. Wait…what about Bella and Harry?

Yax: Um…well I’m pretty sure they already did it during that one weekend they spent alone at her parent’s place in Albany

Voldy: NO way. Bella’s my bff, she would’ve told me!

Yax: Did she tell you that she touched Severus’s, you know, thing?

I roll my eyes.

Voldy: You mean his penis?

Yax: …Yeah

Hold up.

Voldy: WAIT, SERIOUSLY?!?!

Yax: YEAH!!!!

Oh my god, I think I’m gonna puke. GROSS!!!! I’m NEVER gonna get that mental picture out of my head now!

Also, I should probably explain: 2 years ago, Bella used to date Snape and apparently they did a lot more than I was privy to, and then Bella dumped him for a hot busboy. He was heartbroken initially, but eventually found new love in the arms of Yaxley (his words, not mine). Also, Snape got hot, but I’ll never be able to see past the butt-tooting and the weird way he tucks his sweaters into his pants, so no, I definitely do NOT welcome Yax’s frequent and detailed descriptions of Snape’s abs.

Wait, where was I? Oh right, meanwhile, Bella went through a string of boyfriends and girlfriends, until she went steady with Harry after he transferred here a few months ago and joined our little group of friends. All caught up now? Aight, let's carry on.

Voldy: EWWW why would you tell me that????

Yax: To prove my point! Bella doesn’t tell you everything, so you can’t know for sure that she hasn’t slept with Harry yet even tho she hasn’t told you

Voldy: Well…I mean, I guess?? But I still think she would’ve told me

Yax: Sighs, okay, whatever you say. Don’t forget to update me on how the date with Quirrell goes! ttyl!!

Voldy: Yep, sure! Bye!!!

September 12^th, kitchen of Number One Noodle Son

Oh my god, oh my god, what is happening right now?! My head is spinning like crazy. Which is why I threatened Kevin Yang into letting me hang in the kitchen for a little while to collect myself. Thankfully, he took one look at me and nodded, because there is some SELFISH person hogging the bathroom right now. Don’t these people understand that there is a boy in crisis right now, who REALLY needs to pretend to wash his hands while staring the mirror and having deep reflective thinking?

I mean, the kitchen’s not exactly great, either. Kevin has all, like, ninety of his cousins working tonight and for some reason, everyone’s ordering Peking duck so I have a few dozen duck heads smiling at me which is totally not unnerving.

But it’s better than being out there, with Quirrell. At least here, I can take a breath and compose my thoughts without his chocolatey eyes staring into my SOUL.

I just don’t get it. I mean, things were perfect. I think I might’ve fallen in love with Quirrell all over again when I saw his gorgeous face for the first time in forever. And then he hugged me, giving me a huge dose of his uniquely Quirrell scent, and I promptly melted into a puddle of endorphins. Literally, though, my entire body sagged against his taller frame until my bodyguard, Lars, cleared his throat behind me, causing us to separate with red faces.

He brought us to Number One Noodle Son, which is, like, OUR restaurant. When we first arrived, Rosey, the hostess, immediately seated us at our usual seats by the window and invited Lars to the bar with her to watch the football game. Then, it was just us. Me and Quirrell. For the first time in almost 3 months. God, he’s beautiful.

He laid a hand over mine on the table, lacing our fingers together gently. “I’ve missed you, Voldy,” he said with a soft smile on that extremely kissable face of his. His stutter had almost all but disappeared over the past 2 years, except for when he was super excited or distressed.

I grinned back like a loon, blushing slightly. “I missed you too, Squirrel. So? What’s the big news you have for me? I’ve been waiting in suspense ALL day.”

Quirrell shifted uneasily. “I’ll tell you after dessert. Let’s catch up first?”

I frowned slightly. “Ohhhh, so it’s like that, huh? Tease.” I joked, sending a wink his way.

He smiled fondly at me, his bright smile lighting up the room. “Yeah, yeah. So, shall we get our usuals?”

Over my favourite cold sesame noodles and his barbequed spiced ribs, we chatted amicably about what had happened over our past few months apart.

“-I shit you not, man. Last week, Grandmére’s dog, Rommel, went crazy. You should’ve seen him, he was humping EVERYTHING in sight. Hah, Dad’s face was priceless when Rommel started digging his little claws into his designer pants while humping his leg vigorously. He kept screaming, ‘Armani! Armani!’ while trying to pry Rommel off.”

Quirrell snorted into the drink that he was trying to take a sip of, gasping loudly for air. He bent over the table giggling.

“That’s not even the worst part. Grandmére is so worried that Rommel is ‘losing his vitality’ that she bought a new poodle to be his- oh my god, I’m think I’m gonna puke- his bride.”

His face turned slightly green, matching my own complexion. “Oh dear, that poor, poor dog.”

I nodded in sympathy. He squeezed my hand softly, “Well, I’m glad you’re finally back from Genovia and don’t have to be around all that 24/7.”

“I still have Prince Lessons everyday, though,” I pouted, jutting out my bottom lip.

Quirrell tilted his head, smiling. “But you also get to see this everyday now, though?” He gestured teasingly to his face.

I bit my lip, my face flushing. “…Yeah, I do.”

He grinned brilliantly in response, “Exactly. And quit doing that with your lips, it’s distracting.”

A trill ran up my spine. “Oh? You mean…this?” I bit down harder on my bottom lip, sucking it into my mouth. My stomach fluttered as his eyes darkened. I released my lip with flourish, smiling roguishly at him.

Quirrell narrowed his eyes. “You’re the tease, I swear.”

I raised my eyebrows coyly in response. “Anyway, did you hear? Bella got blonde highlights!!!!”

His eyes flew wide open in shock. “What?! NO WAY.”

“YES WAY!! Apparently, Harry likes blondes,” I shrugged casually.

Quirrell frowned slightly. “You’re blonde.”

I clutched my chest in mock offense. “Excuse you, I am PLATINUM blonde, mister. How dare you-”

Rosey interrupted me with our desserts. “Here you go, have a good night!”

I cleared my throat. “Thanks, Rosey.” I turned back to Quirrell. “Oh yeah, so what was it that you wanted to tell me?”

He took a deep breath and began, “Okay, so remember the research project that I’m doing with Columbia U?”

Right, did I mention that my boyfriend is a freaking GENIUS? Though Jane Austen novels and flowers will always be his first loves, aside from yours truly of course, he found his passion in all that mind-boggling science stuff since freshman year. Recognizing his brilliance, Columbia U took him on for a special research project to develop some idea he’s been working on.

He’s tried to tell me about it a few times but every time he starts talking, I zone out. I’M SORRY, OKAY? I know I’m a bad boyfriend but when he starts talking science to me, I get all hot and bothered because he just looks SO good and then we just start making out! It’s not my fault!!!! It’s biology. There. See? I was listening.

“So, they think my idea is really promising and they want me to develop a prototype for it. They’ve contacted another university who’s willing to fund the entire project and everything. If it’s successful, the CardioArm could seriously revolutionize heart surgery!”

My eyes widened and I clap my hands over my mouth in delight. “Oh my god, Quirrell, I’m so proud of you!!!”

He smiled nervously, reaching over to grasp my hands. “I’m really glad you think so.” Quirrell leaned forward, locking eyes with me. “Because the project is going to be in…Japan.”

WHAT.

WHAT!!

WHAT. THE. [REDACTED]!!!!!!!

“Wait, JAPAN?!?! As in, sushi and sakura flowers, Japan??? Like, on a whole other CONTINENT, Japan?????”

A furrow formed between his brows. “…Yeah. Do- Do you know any other Japan?”

“DO NOT BE CUTE WITH ME RIGHT NOW, QUIRRELL. YOU’RE LEAVING ME TO GO TO JAPAN?!?!?!”

My yelling drew the attention of the other patrons. Quirrell’s eyes widened in alarm and he shushed me.

“Do not shush me, you little squirrel! How can you leave me?” I whisper-yelled at him.

“Voldy, I-I’m not leaving you! Don’t you get it? I’m doing this for us,” He spoke earnestly.

I scrunched my face up in confusion.

“L-Listen, so we both know that your Genovian side of family haven’t been exactly…supportive of our relationship. And I get it, I truly do. You’re a Prince, and I’m…nobody. I don’t deserve you,” I open my mouth in protest. “Shh, let me finish. So, I’m doing this for us. If I invent the CardioArm, then maybe your family will accept me because I will have finally made something of myself. I’ll finally deserve to be with you.”

“But- But you don’t need to do any of that, Quirrell. I love you just the way you are, and you don’t need to prove yourself to anyone, least of all my family. If anyone is undeserving of the other, it’s me.”

His eyes hardened in resolve. “No, Voldemort, I have to do this. It’s the only way that we can be together. Your family will never accept some lowly commoner. I have to do this, don’t you see? And of course, if it all goes to plan, I will have created something that makes heart surgery so much safer and easier, for all the patients and healthcare staff out there.” His chocolate brown eyes stared into mine imploringly.

I slumped into my seat. “How…How long will the project be?”

Quirrell’s face contorted into a grimace. “A year, maybe two.”

A YEAR? MAYBE TWO?! ARE YOU [REDACTED] KIDDING ME?!?! How am I supposed to survive without Quirrell for that long?! Oh my god, I think the walls are closing on me. Everything is spinning. I CAN’T BREATHE!!!!

I drew my hands back from his. “I…I’m sorry, I need some space.”

And then I ran for the kitchen.

September 15^th, HHS

Bella: Why are you being weird

Voldy: ???

Bella: Don’t play dumb, you butthead

Voldy: Hey! Rude

Bella: Whatever, your royal highness. I’m talking abt the way you basically sprinted away from Quirrell when he tried to talk to you this morning

Voldy: Can we not do this now, Bella? It’s the first day of school, I just wanna get thru it, okay?

Bella: UGH, can you stop being such a girl and just TALK to the damn guy? His sad, pitiful, longing look at your retreating cowardly butt made me lose my appetite

Voldy: …

Bella: Well? I’m waiting for an answer, dumbass

Voldy: ARGH FINE

Bella: Good, glad we came to the same consensus. Now, be a dear and stop texting me in class, I need to focus

Voldy: What the- YOU WERE THE ONE WHO TEXTED ME!!!!!

Bella: Voldy… What did I say about texting?

Voldy: *eye twitches*

Ugh, that BYOTCH! Why am I BFFs with her, again?

What does she expect me to DO? I’ve been avoiding Quirrell ever since our talk at Number One Noodle Son where he dropped the news about freaking JAPAN on me. I don’t even know what to say to him!!

1% of my brain is telling me that it’s only a year (or two) and that he’s doing it as a romantic gesture of love to win the approval of my family and his invention is going to save millions of lives.

The other 99% is screaming JAPAN?! I WON’T SEE HIM FOR 1-2 YEARS BECAUSE HE’S IN JAPAN?! WHAT IF HE GETS LONELY AND DECIDES TO GET FRISKY WITH A BOY-GEISHA?! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COMPETE WITH A GEISHA?!?!?!?!

I know that plenty of couples are able to survive long-distance relationships but you don’t understand, Journal, I am ADDICTED to Quirrell. The smell of his neck is literally my drug. How am I supposed to be apart from him for a whole year, possibly more????

Oh god, I feel the tears welling up in my eyes again. It feels like I’ve done nothing but cry these past few days, imagining all the scenarios where Quirrell leaves me for a gorgeous Japanese geisha. It’s the freaking first day of school and I’m hiding from Quirrell in a stupid washroom stall, argh!

The sound of the door opening caught my attention. A pair of shoes shuffled their way over, before stopping in front of my stall. Wait…those shoes look familiar…

“Voldemort?”

OH MY GOD IT’S QUIRRELL!!!! HOW DID HE FIND ME?!

I remained silent.

“I know you’re in there, Voldy. I can hear you scribbling into your diary.”

I retorted, “It’s a journal!”

Crap! I slapped my hand over my mouth, but the damage was already done. Ugh, he really knows exactly which of my buttons to press to get me to crack.

He chuckled lightly, before sobering up. “Look, I j-just want to talk, okay? Please?”

Sigh…Fine. Slowly, I eased the door open and peered out. His anxious brown eyes greeted me.

“Voldemort, I know I kind of sprung this on you the other night, but c-can’t you see that this is a good thing for us? Yes, we’ll be separated for a long time, but isn’t it worth it so that we can truly be together without your family breathing down your neck to break up with me?” He stepped forward and wrapped his long arms over my torso.

“But… What about school? You haven’t even graduated yet!”

He scratched his head sheepishly. “Actually…about that. I got the offer about 2 months ago, shortly after you left for Genovia. But I w-wanted to wait till you came back, to tell you face-to-face. In the meantime, I took my classes over the summer break and well, I graduated early.”

SERIOUSLY?! DOES ANYONE TELL ME ANYTHING ANYMORE????

“Wait, so you didn’t even need to come to school?” I narrowed my eyes at him in suspicion. “You came here just to ambush me, didn’t you?” He shrugged non-committally.

Wait a minute…

I pulled back to stare into his eyes. “Hold on, if you got the offer 2 months ago, then when are you leaving?”

This time, Quirrell cast his gaze down, avoiding my eyes. In a small voice, he said, “A w-week.”

OH. MY. GOD. HE’S LEAVING IN A WEEK?!?!?!? NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOO WE WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE THE ENTIRE SENIOR YEAR TOGETHER!!!!!!!

A fresh wave of tears come pouring out. Dang it, Bella was right. I really am a girl. I clutched him to me tightly, burying my wailing face in his shoulder.

Quirrell flinched back slightly in surprise, before patting my head, running his fingers through my ash blonde locks gently. “It’s going to be okay, Voldy. We’re going to be just fine, trust me, okay?”

I sniffled before peering up at him. “You…you promise?”

He nodded reassuringly before pressing a chaste kiss to my lips.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present…my boyfriend. Get you a man who will willingly kiss you while your face is covered in snot and tears and your nose is as red as a fire engine.

“So, are you free tonight?”, Quirrell asked.

Oh crap. “Uhhh, well, actually, I already made plans to see the High School Musical marathon showing at the cinema with Harry, we’ve been waiting for it since FOREVER… But I can totally cancel on him, if you’d like?”

He smiled tightly. “No, no, it’s fine. Enjoy your time ogling Zefron with Potter, okay? I’ll see you another time.”

“Well, if you’re sure…”

He nodded, before a devious gleam shone in his eyes. “You know,” he brushed his thumb over my bottom lip teasingly. “I’ve really missed you these past few days,” his brown eyes darkened, sending a shiver down my spine.

I raised my brows cheekily. “Oh, yeah?” I gazed back sultrily with half-lidded eyes.

“Mmhmm… We never really had a proper reunion after you came back from Genovia.” His eyes dropped to my lips. Deliberately, I moistened my lips, my tongue darting out lightning-quick to swipe over my lips. The look in his eyes made my breath hitch.

With a groan, he surged forward to capture my lips again. My mind immediately went blank at the sensation. I groaned against him, my heart beating faster.

The next few minutes were a blur of hot kisses and hands roving over my body as Quirrell pulled me towards the nearest stall, sandwiching himself between me and the wall. My heart pounded in my ears as Quirrell directed his ministrations to my neck, sending me spiraling. I was so focused on the magic that he was doing to my pulse point, that I didn’t notice his hand sliding its way up my thigh.

I inhaled sharply as his fingertips grazed dangerously close. Automatically, my hand snapped down to hold his from straying further.

“Um, I-I think we should take a breather,” I stammered. “We’re waiting, remember? Plus, we’re in school.” I gestured to our surroundings sheepishly.

Quirrell blinked slowly, his eyes still clouded over with want. “Oh…Oh, uh, yeah, right.” He pulled away reluctantly, adjusting his clothes with a grimace.

I smiled apologetically. “I’ll see you later, okay? I love you,” I pressed a light kiss to his cheek and made my way towards the door.

He nodded distractedly. “Love you too.”

September 15^th, Lincoln Plaza Cinemas

OH EM GEE I LOVE ZEFRON SO MUCH!!!!! I’m literally smiling like a crazy person because I just sat through 5 hours of Zefron and- and oh crap, I really need to pee!

I turned to Harry to let him know I’m going to the toilet, but he’d already snuck off to answer a phone call. Weird.

Anyways, AHHHHH Zefron is life, I swear. Too bad Quirrell isn’t a huge fan, if not, I’d totally be watching this with him. Thank god I at least have Harry, though! I was SO pumped when he transferred into HHS and we totally bonded over our shared love of Zefron and snakes.

As my thoughts drift back to Quirrell, a sense of uneasiness fills my gut. I know we made up this morning and he promises me that it’s all going to be fine but…what if it isn’t? A year or more is a really long time. Anything can happen during a year. Anything. What if the distance gets too much? Like, I know that Quirrell loves me, but I still don’t get what he sees in me. I mean, I’m a psychotic Prince with shit grades who is probably going to destroy his own country and Quirrell just deserves so much more than me.

He’s so going to find a hot, smart Japanese boy who likes normal animals other than snakes and actually listens to and understands his science-y stuff. Then, he’s going to forget all about me, and we’ll break up, and I’ll be all alone, and I’LL NEVER LOVE AGAIN!!!!!!!!

Oh, Harry’s back. Ooh, I love his shirt by the way; it’s got little cartoon snakes all over, so cute!! Crap, he’s giving me a strange look, probably because I’m breathing really heavily and my heart is pounding in my chest because MY MAN IS LEAVING ME!!

“Uhh…everything alright, Voldemort? Are you ready to go?”

I shook my head slightly to clear it. “Uh yeah, let’s go!”

With a sigh, I picked myself up off the seat and followed Harry. On the way out, I tripped over an empty popcorn box that some buttface left lying on the ground. So much for being a graceful dancer, huh?

“GAH!” I shrieked as I lost my footing in the dimly-lit theatre.

With lightning speed, Harry’s arm shot out to grip my arm, curling protectively around me as I regain my balance.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I’m pissed as hell though. Don’t these turds know that there is a PLACE for trash? Trash goes into the BIN, not the FLOOR, goddamn it!!!” I kicked the offending popcorn box away from me.

Then, I paused. Oh, for god’s sake. I picked it up gingerly and tossed it into the bin nearby, suppressing a shudder at the amount of GERMS that must be on that thing.

As we exited from the building, my heart sank at the sight of the reporters lying in wait for us. Seriously? How the hell do they always know where to find me???? I let off an exasperated sigh at the lights flashing in our faces.

“Prince Thomas! Can you tell us who you’re wearing?”

“Over here, Prince! Is Harry Potter your new beau?”

“What are your thoughts on snake-skin leather, Prince Thomas?”

“Prince! Have you and Quirinus Quirrell finally called it quits?”

With a roll of my eyes, I tuned their voices out. Oh, the joys of being a Prince. I smiled gratefully as Harry guided me towards the limo with a firm hand still on my arm, sheltering me from the paparazzi. He settled me gently into the backseat and smiled.

“I had a great time tonight, Voldemort.”

I smiled back in reciprocation. “For sure, Harry. I’m always game to watch Zefron with you. Goodnight, see you tomorrow at school!”

Harry chuckled before leaning in slightly, “Goodnight, Voldemort, I’ll-”

The slam of the limo door cut him off. I whipped my head around to stare questioningly at Lars, shocked by his rudeness at closing the door on Harry’s face. My eyes followed his bulky stature in disbelief as he casually made his way around to the other side of the limo and slid in.

Lars shrugged. “What?”

“You are so weird, you know that right?”

He shrugged again, turning to glare out of the window at the persistent paps outside. As the engine started up, I mouthed a ‘sorry!’ to Harry while waving goodbye through the window.

Sigh, being a Prince SUCKS.

September 17^th, The Plaza

My jaw is literally on the ground right now. What the hell. You would not BELIEVE what Grandmére just suggested to me, oh my god!!

So, I came to Prince Lessons all gloomy because Quirrell is leaving in FOUR FREAKING DAYS and instead of being with him, I’m with a thousand year-old crazy person teaching me the difference between a salad fork and a dessert fork like WHO CARES?!

Grandmére took one look at me and was like, “What’s wrong with your face?”

I gasped in offense. Rude. “Nothing is wrong with my face!”

She raised an eyebrow that was way too arched (seriously, she needs to fire whoever does her make up because those brows are in her freaking hairline) and scoffed. “Whatever is going on with you, Thomas, you need to get rid of it. Frown lines are terrible for a Prince’s complexion.”

Ugh, she is totally mental. Who even cares about frown lines? I’m 18, frown lines are literally the LEAST of my concerns right now.

Her eyes narrowed at my continued silence, which let me tell you, is a TERRIFYING sight to behold. I don’t know which tattoo artist was dumb enough to do it, but that woman has been scaring the crap out of people with her tattooed on eyeliner for…well forever, I guess? No one really knows how old Grandmére is, since she burned all copies of her birth certificate in the palace.

I sighed despondently. “Quirrell’s leaving me to go to Japan for his research project.”

To my horror, Grandmére smiled. Her eyes lit up in joy as she bared her pearly whites at me. Oh god, forget what I wrote earlier; THAT was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen. She clapped her hands together gleefully and exclaimed, “Oh, finally! I’m so overjoyed that you’ve finally come to your senses and broken up with that good-for-nothing peasant. This calls for a celebration!” She snapped her finely-manicured fingers in the air. “Fetch me a Sidecar, on the double!”

As her butler scurried away to fetch her Sidecar, I huffed angrily. “Grandmére, Quirrell and I aren’t broken up!”

And just like that, the light in her eyes extinguished. “What.” She levelled her deadpan gaze at me.

“We…we’re going to try to do the long-distance thing. I’m just really sad about it, that’s all. I really don’t want him to go, but he insists on it.”

She turned her nose up at me, rolling her eyes. “Don’t be obtuse, Thomas. If you truly don’t want That Boy to leave, then you know what you have to do.”

Eh? What the hell is she talking about? I frowned at her in befuddlement.

Grandmére clucked her tongue. “Stop frowning, Thomas. Goodness, it’s like you WANT to get Botox by the age of 40.”

I suppressed a roll of my eyes. Ugh, she’s SO insufferable. “What do you mean ‘I know what I have to do’? What do I do to stop him from leaving?”

She lit another Gitane and took a long drag from it. “This is exactly what I’ve been grooming you for, Thomas. Remember Jane Eyre? By playing coy and teasing Mr. Rochester, she kept his interest and kept him from straying. And what did she end up becoming? That’s right, his bride.”

I scratched my head in confusion. “So… You want me to…marry Quirrell?”

“For god’s sake- No, you buffoon.” In retaliation, she blew the cigarette smoke in my face. “By keeping That Boy deprived of your nubile body-” I gagged at her words. “-you hold all the power at your fingertips. Now, it is time to use that power. Give him what you have been denying him all this while, and he’ll never leave your side again.”

I flinched back incredulously. “Wait- Are you telling me to do it with Quirrell?”

Grandmére sniffed daintily. “If ‘do it’ is teenage slang for sex, then yes. I am telling you to do it with Quirrell.”

OH MY GOD. WHAT THE HELL.

Grandmére is INSANE. What she’s suggesting is just…it’s crazy, right? There’s no way in hell I’m doing that. Also, there’s no way that it’ll work. Quirrell’s totally not going to stay just because I give him my Precious Flower…right?? Right????

PROS OF DOING IT WITH QUIRRELL:

- Maybe he’ll be so enraptured by my sexual prowess and chiseled abs that he’ll forget all about Japan (why build a robot arm when he can have THIS robot arm instea- Okay, I don’t really know where I was going with this, but YOU GET THE POINT OKAY)

- Even if he doesn’t stay, he’ll be haunted by our night of making love that he’ll never look twice at a Geisha; SUCK ON THAT, GEISHAS!!!!

- Also, Quirrell is really, REALLY hot and I totally wanna tap that

CONS OF DOING IT WITH QUIRRELL:

- What if he doesn’t stay???? I mean yeah right, “sexual prowess and chiseled abs”, who am I kidding

- Do I want to compromise my principles and use my body to get Quirrell to stay? I mean, this is the goddamned 21^st century for Zefron’s sake!

- AM I REALLY TAKING SEX ADVICE FROM FREAKING GRANDMÉRE?!

Argh, I need a second opinion.

Voldy: GUYS I NEED UR HELP

Yax: WHATS UP IM HERE

Bella: Ugh this better be good, dumbass

Voldy: So…Grandmére just had the CRAZIEST idea

Yax: Uh huh…I’m listening…

Bella: Get on with it

Voldy: She thinks that I should do it with Quirrell so that he won’t wanna leave for Japan anymore

Bella: …

Bella: That has gotta be the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard

Voldy: :/

Yax: Aw, but what about our Prom Night plan???

Voldy: I’m sorryyyy, Yax, but if this works, I HAVE to do it… So, do you think this’ll work?????

Bella: No. It will most definitely NOT work

Voldy: Yax?

Yax: I meannnn I guess it could??

Bella: What NO, Yax do NOT encourage him

Yax: It’s just like one of my romance novels!! The heroine throws caution to the wind and uses her wiles to capture the heart of the dashing Earl who is insistent on fighting for his country in the war. With her charm and wit, she convinces the Earl to stay with her and they live happily ever after!

Voldy: OMG that sounds exactly like what I need!!

Bella: NO NO VOLDY THIS IS NOT A GOOD IDEA

Voldy: Thanks for the help Yax!!!

Voldy: And Bella, I’ve taken your advice into consideration and I regret to inform you that it has been rejected

Bella: GODDAMN IT VOLDEMORT

Voldy: All in favour of Operation Sexy Time Squirrel?

Yax: Ew, we need to workshop that name

Voldy: Yeahhh I didn’t really think that one through

Yax: Anyways, AYE

Voldy: AYE

Bella: NAY NAY NAY NAY HELL TO THE NAY

Voldy: Sorry Bella, majority wins. Guess I’m sexing up Quirrell!!!!

Yax: WOOO GET IT GURL

Voldy: ;)

Bella: Why do I even try

So...it's settled then. I am going to have sex with Quirrell.

OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH QUIRRELL!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter Text

September 19^th, The Grand Hyatt

Oh gosh, I am SO nervous, I think my eye has started twitching sporadically. Tonight is THE NIGHT. The night that I am going to “make sweet, tender love to my beloved and stake my claim on his heart, such that it will stay in NYC, where it belongs with me”, in the words of Yaxley. Ugh, Yax is such a dork. Okay, let’s go through the checklist one more time.

Moisturized all of my skin so it’s smooth and silky, the way Quirrell likes it? Check. Cleaned myself up following slightly dubious Wikihow instructions? Check. Brought condoms and lube? Check. Booked a room at the Grand Hyatt and prepared room service, complete with a rose petal-covered bed? Check.

I think that’s everything? Omg, I’m so nervous, ack!

Wait, hold on…what if- what if I fart when we’re, you know? OH. MY GOD. If I fart, he’ll totally know that it was me; there’s no way to hide it!!

!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, don’t freak out, don’t freak out, everything’s still chill. It’s Quirrell, okay? We’ve been farting in each other’s presence since we were 4, I don’t think being naked makes that big a difference. My fingers run over the grooves of my ring again, the calming motion serving to slow the onset of panic. With a sigh, I look down to admire the ring. It’s really gorgeous actually, Quirrell gave it to me on our 1^st year anniversary and it’s shaped like a snake coiling its way around my finger, with two beautiful emeralds as its eyes. Have I mentioned that I have the BEST boyfriend in the world? I mean, he totally gets me, even though he doesn’t quite understand my fascination with snakes.

Quirrell’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts. “Voldy, what are we doing here?”

With a smirk, I slipped the key card out of my pocket. After a quick scan, I pushed the door open. “After you,” I gestured for him to enter. Quirrell shoots me a confused, but amused look as he follows my command. His stride stumbles to a halt as he takes in the room. “Surprise,” I murmured into his ear as I wrapped my arms around his waist from behind.

“V-Voldy, you did all this for me?” His eyes widened as he stared in awe at the gourmet meal laid out for us, the champagne waiting in the bucket of ice next to a plate of chocolate-covered strawberries, and of course, the gigantic four-poster bed with a smattering of rose petals over the bedding.

“Mmhmm,” I hooked my chin over his shoulder. “You’re leaving in less than two days, so I wanted to treat you to a little surprise.” I led him over the table, while his eyes scanned the room in stunned silence.

“But…why a hotel room?”

I smiled coyly. “Just…wanted some privacy, I guess.” I’ll wait till after to drop the bomb on him. The SEX bomb, that is.

He nodded dumbly, still processing my “surprise”. I gestured to the food before us. “Come on, eat up!”

....

After we polished off the last strawberry, I told my nerves to calm the hell down before I locked eyes with Quirrell. I cleared my throat awkwardly.

“So uh, the surprise isn’t over yet.”

Quirrell raised his eyebrows, smiling. “Oh?”

A shy smile overtook my features. “I haven’t told you the real reason why I booked a hotel room for us tonight.” I felt my face heat up. “It’s because I want us to spend some time…together.”

He smiled knowingly. “I was pretty sure I knew what you had planned, but I didn’t want to assume, in case you were planning to invite our friends over or something.”

I chuckled. “What, you think all this was for our friends? Hah! They wish.”

Quirrell grinned at the thought, before reaching over to hold my hand. “Voldy…are you sure?”

I stared into his chocolate brown orbs, and my heart thudded loudly in my chest. In response, I surged forward and kissed him. Immediately, Quirrell responded enthusiastically, his hand clutching the front of my shirt to pull me closer.

We tumbled gently onto the bed, his hand cradling my face as we locked lips passionately. My heartbeat quickened as he fingered at the buttons on my shirt, slowly undoing them. Oh my god, we’re doing this. We’re really doing this. My head spun as my entire world just became Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell-

All of a sudden, he pulled away. What, why? I leaned forward to recapture his lips. He gently placed a hand on my chest to pin me down.

From above me, he said, “Wait, I j-just want to make sure that we’re on the same page. You know that this doesn’t change anything, right? I’m still leaving in 2 days.”

What. WHAT. HE’S STILL GOING TO JAPAN?! I just offered him my Precious Flower and he’s- what, planning to take it AND still leave for Japan?

Something must’ve shown on my face, because Quirrell sighed and rolled off me.

“I thought we went over this already. I have to go, Voldy.”

I sat up and glared at him. “No, you don’t. WHY do you still want to go when you could be having this everyday,” I gestured along the length of my body. “Which you can’t in Japan?”

He groaned, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Stop torturing me, Voldemort,” he adjusted his slacks. “Look, if you don’t want to have sex with me anymore because I’m still leaving for Japan, that’s completely fine. If you do still want to have sex, you know I’m always game. But can you PLEASE stop behaving like a child about this?”

My jaw dropped. HOW DARE HE-

Quirrell continued, oblivious to my growing anger. “How many times do I have to tell you that I’m doing this for us? What is one or two years of separation to ensure we have a future together? I have to do this.”

I clenched my teeth. “Funny. For something that is supposed to be for us, it sure is all about you.” I spat acidly.

He flinched back in confusion.

“You, you, you, everything is about YOU. What you think that you need to do to for us to be together. Your decision.” I scoffed and threw my hands up sarcastically, “God forbid that I have opinions about this!”

Quirrell’s face scrunched up. “What? That doesn’t even make any s-sense; I’m doing this for US, can’t you see-”

I cut him off, my rage building like a crescendo. “Well, shouldn’t something that affects us, be something we decide together? A relationship consists of TWO people, Quirrell, not just you! But you just decided to take this offer unilaterally, not even considering my opinion about it!”

He opened his mouth in protest.

I spoke over him, “If this was about something completely unrelated to me and we weren’t dating, then fine, do whatever you want. But not only are we in a relationship, this whole situation is because you’re insecure about how my family sees you and so, I am very clearly involved, which is why this should’ve been a decision that we made together! And you got the offer MONTHS ago! Instead of discussing it with me, you decided all on your own, even getting your GED while I was totally unaware!” My chest rose up and down rapidly, my blood rushing through my veins.  

Quirrell stood up tensely. “Well, sue me f-for not consulting you on a decision about MY life!”

“YOUR life?! This affects me too!”

He sneered angrily. “Oh, spare me. If I had told you sooner, you w-would’ve just have freaked out, just like you’re doing right now, just like you do every single g-goddamn day!”

“What the hell is THAT supposed to mean?”

He whirled around, a messy lock of hair falling into his eyes. “It m-means that you’re so freaking neurotic, Voldemort. You freak out about EVERY little small thing, it’s so exhausting to be with y-you.”

My heart clenched tightly in my ribcage. “Screw you! I think it is VERY valid to be freak out about your boyfriend going away for a year or more, when this was supposed to be your last year together before college! We were supposed to have ONE more year, and you’re ruining it by leaving!”

Quirrell laughed mirthlessly. “I’m s-sorry, I’m ruining it? HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THAT THIS IS FOR US TO HAVE A F-FUTURE TOGETHER?!”

The last dredges of rationality fled my mind. “WELL, IT WON’T MATTER WHEN YOU FIND A GEISHA THERE AND DUMP ME FOR HIM!!!”

He exploded. “Oh my god, you’re UNBELIEVABLE! I’m going halfway around the w-world to work on a project to secure a future for us, and you’re worried t-that I’ll leave you for some geisha?!”

“YES!” I screamed.

“YOU ARE COMPLETELY INSANE!” He dragged his hands through his hair roughly. “Honestly, r-right now, maybe it’s a good thing that I’m leaving, because being alone in a foreign country sounds A LOT easier than b-being around you lately.”

I flinched in shock at his words.

He continued yelling, “Every other day, there is some sort of s-stupid crisis that you’re having, which I have to calm you down for. D-Do you realize how tiring it is to deal with you?! And god, don’t even get me started on your r-ridiculous Prom Night plan!”

“What? I thought we AGREED on waiting till Prom Night to have sex!”

He scoffed. “Uh, no we d-didn’t. You let Yaxley freaking brainwash you into that stupid ‘P-Precious Flower’ bullshit and I just had to go along with it, because I didn’t w-want to pressure you into sex!”

My face turned an unholy shade of red. “Well, it sure sounds a lot like pressure right now!!!”

Quirrell pinched the bridge of his nose. “No! I’m not p-pressuring you, okay? I just wanted you to know that I think it’s DUMB to wait for Prom Night. What makes you t-think that the night of High School Prom is going to make us any readier for sex than any other regular night? I just don’t get it!”

“Of course, you wouldn’t get it. All you think about is sex, every time we kiss, you’re ALWAYS trying to get into my pants!”

“HEY!” He pointed a furious finger at me. “That is NOT f-fair. I respect your boundaries, I just don’t understand w-why you even WANT those stupid boundaries!”

The next words spilled out of my mouth before I realized what I was shouting. “Well, if my boundaries are so STUPID and I’m so NEUROTIC and my freak outs are so goddamn EXHUASTING for you, then maybe we shouldn’t even be together!!!!”

Quirrell stopped short, stunned. “W-What? V-Voldemort. No, n-no, don’t say that.”

I felt my heart twisting painfully in my chest. “No, I have to say this. If you think I’m so difficult to be around and my opinions are stupid and don’t matter, then it’s better if we just end things.”

He stammered and reached blindly for my hand, which I yanked sharply out of his grasp. “V-V-Voldy, come on, don’t d-do this. We can f-fix this.”

I shook my head slowly, a throbbing ache in my chest. “Goodbye, Quirrell.”

Shakily, I removed the snake ring he’d given me last year and pressed it into his hand. With tears overflowing in my eyes, I fled the room.

September 19^th, In a cab

Ephrain Kleinschmidt- that’s my cab driver’s name, according to his license in the bulletproof screen between him and me- keeps shooting me frantic, worried looks even though he should be looking on the ROAD. I guess he’s never had an 18 year-old Prince sobbing in the back of his cab before. He keeps asking me if I want more Kleenex- NO EPHRAIN I DO NOT WANT MORE KLEENEX I WANT QUIRRELL!!!!!!!!!

I just…what the hell happened? One moment, we were so in love and about to share our Precious Flowers with each other and then, the next? We’re SCREAMING in each other’s faces and I broke up with him?!?! Please tell me this is all a highly realistic delusion.

But all the things he said to me…they just struck a chord. I know that I’m a neurotic freak who worries about everything, has OCD, is best friends with snakes and is maybe a little over-dependent on Quirrell. I know that he goes through a lot to put up with me and deserves someone better than me. I know. But to have him throw those things in my face was just…too much for me to take.

Everything right now is too much to take. I don’t what to do. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know if I even want to fix this.

The cab comes to a stop. “Uh…feel better, sir,” Ephrain says.

I send him a small, watery smile in response.

September 19^th, My bed, 11:59 pm

Crap, I can’t sleep.

 September 20^th, My bed, 12:11 am

Ugh, has the loft always been this hot?

September 20^th, My bed, 12:48 am

OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE DID I SERIOUSLY DUMP QUIRRELL

September 20^th, My bed, 1:02 am

Should I get a snack? I’m kind of feeling like nachos

September 20^th, My bed, 1:37 am

I KEEP BLEEDING, I KEEP-KEEP BLEEDING LOVE

I’m blasting this song on repeat and I don’t CARE if you’re sleeping, Mom!!!! I’M NEVER GOING TO FEEL LOVE AGAIN

September 20^th, My bed, 1:53 am

Get it together, you egg!!!! You are a strong, independent man who don’t need no Quirrell to complete you!

September 20^th, My bed, 1:58 am

I wonder if it’s possible to actually die from a broken heart.

September 20^th, My bed, 2 am

IT’S 2AM, I HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW, LET ME SLEEP

September 20^th, My bed, 2:14 am

My phone dinged. My breath caught in my throat when I saw Quirrell’s name on the notification.

Nope, I am not opening that. I am going to SLEEP, damn it.

September 20^th, My bed, 2:15 am

Okay, I’m opening the text.

Voldemort, let’s just talk, please. I still don’t really know what happened between us earlier, but I know that we both lost our cools and said some stuff that we didn’t mean.

I’m leaving in less than 2 days, do you really want to spend our last 2 days together like this?

I KNOW that we can fix this if we just TALK. Call me back, okay? I can’t believe this happened to us. This is so stupid. Just- just call me, okay?

My eyes zeroed in on THAT word. “Stupid”?! Nothing about this stupid! There he goes again, dismissing my concerns and calling everything STUPID, argh!!!!!!!!

I threw my phone back onto the table without replying.

September 20^th, My bed, 2:23 am

I still can’t sleep.

I hate Quirrell.

September 20^th, My bed, 2:30 am

I love Quirrell.

September 20^th, My bed, 2:34 am

I don’t know anything anymore.

September 20^th, HHS cafeteria

A tray slammed down in front of me.

“Dude, what the hell?” I asked.

Bellatrix arched an eyebrow. “What happened last night?”

A deep pain filled my chest at her words. God, I still can’t believe everything that went down yesterday.

“What- What do you mean? N-Nothing happened,” I shrugged casually, avoiding her piercing gaze.

She ripped her straw out of its plastic wrapper and pierced it into her drink packet aggressively. “Oh yeah? Then why did Quirrell call me last night at THREE FREAKING A.M. because some ponce decided to break up with him?”

My face drained of colour. My eyes darted around our table of friends, to Yaxley, Snape and Harry, whose conversations had stopped abruptly in favour of listening in to ours.

“You KNOW how important my beauty sleep is to me, Voldemort, and you RUINED it.”

I sputtered in denial. “What? No, Quirrell was the one who called you, not me.”

“EXACTLY. He called me, not you.”

I stared at her, my eyes roving around her face in confusion. I raised my eyebrows, “…Your point?”

Bellatrix sighed in frustration. “Why did I hear from QUIRRELL about the break up? I thought WE were best friends, Voldy, why didn’t YOU tell me?”

“Oh.” I leaned back onto my seat. “Well, I mean, I just needed some time to myself-”

She continued talking over me. “And based off what Quirrell said, you were being downright stupid.”

I stilled at the word that left her lips. My veins turned to ice. In a low tone, I asked, “He said that?”

“First of all, you went with your Grandmére’s crazy sex plan, which I expressly said was a BAD idea- I mean, I hate to say I told you so, but…I told you so. And second of all, he told me that you accused him of only thinking about himself, when he’s CLEARLY doing all of this for the both of you. Like, come on, Voldemort, get over yourself. Do you know how many people would kill for a dedicated boyfriend like that?”

The rest of our table inhaled sharply at her harsh words. Harry interjected, “Come on, Bella, lay off him.” Bellatrix ignored his comment and glared expectantly at me.

Indignation welled up in me. I retorted hotly, “Well, did he tell you about all the other shit he called me? Calling me neurotic and insane and difficult and exhausting and stupid?!”

Bellatrix rolled her eyes. “Relax, he probably just said those things because you were screaming at him about geishas. I mean, really, Voldemort? Geishas?”

My face reddened in mortification. I shrank away from Bellatrix’s fiery tirade, casting my eyes down onto my lap.

“Look, Voldemort, I know that Quirrell going away for a year or more seems like the end of the world right now, but you guys are meant to be together. You just need to get your thick, dense head out of your ass and stop freaking out about stupid things that don’t matter-”

“Okay, that’s enough, Bella!” Harry slammed his palm onto the table loudly. Bellatrix went silent, as the rest of us swiveled around to stare at the couple in shock.

Harry stood. “We need to talk.” He took hold of Bellatrix’s arm firmly and led them out of the cafeteria in haste.

Which left me, Yaxley and Snape staring after them with wide eyes. Yaxley cleared his throat and turned to me. “Well, I’m so sorry to hear about you and Quirrell. Whenever you’re ready, you can always talk to us about it, okay? We’re always here for you.”

Snape continued staring blankly in the direction that Harry and Bellatrix took off. Yaxley elbowed Snape harshly in his ribs. “Oof- I mean, yes, of course, please feel free to talk to us.”

Then, they put on twin sets of disgustingly cheerful smiles like overgrown, dweeby versions of the twins from The Shining. Sigh, this is going to be long day.

September 20^th, English class

Crap, how could I forget that I have English with Bellatrix after lunch?

This is seriously JUST what I need on the day after I broke up with my boyfriend: to have a huge fight with my BFF who is siding with said boyfriend. I mean, HOW COULD SHE?! She’s never even been that close to Quirrell, considering they’re always disagreeing about one thing or another, so I don’t understand why she’s being so MEAN to me right now, ugh!

I lingered at the doorway, considering turning around and making a run for it. I’m pretty sure no one’s seen me yet, right? I can totally make it if I run now.

Too late. A Gucci-covered shoulder shoved me non-too-gently into the classroom before I could make my great escape. “Watch it, loser. Quit blocking the doorway,” a nasally voice intones as he flips his silky blonde hair while sauntering into the room with Cho.

Ugh. Malloy. Charming as always.

I rolled my eyes at his jibe. He hasn’t gone out of his way to be an asshole that much lately, except for when I’m in his way. Do I really want to waste my breath? Nah. I pursed my lips and decided to leave it be.

As I stepped hesitantly into the classroom, my eyes find Bellatrix in her usual seat…crying? Wait, what? I rushed over to her, my mind running a mile a minute.

“Oh my god, what happened?”

This is so weird. I’ve never seen Bellatrix cry, like, EVER. I didn’t even know she possessed tear ducts. She’s literally never cried before, even when watching Up or The Notebook. She’s THAT inhuman. So…what the heck happened????

She sniffled before glaring at the nearby gawking students until they averted their gazes hastily. Ahh, there she is. She blew out a breath of air with a ‘whoosh’ sound.

“…Harry broke up with me.”

I gasped loudly. “NO.”

Her face scrunched up weirdly, like a wrung-out sponge. “YES. The saddest thing is, though, I blame myself.”

My eyes widened. Bellatrix Black? The self-proclaimed Oh Wise One Who Is Always Right? Taking the blame?! What. Is happening. Right now.

“Uh, what? No way, how is any of this your fault?”

She sighed, dragging her hand over her face. “I think I always knew it was going to end like this. I mean, the first time I told him that I loved him, he replied ‘Thank you’.”

I cringed. Ouch, that had to hurt. 

“All the signs were right there, staring me in the face. I just…refused to acknowledge them.”

My eyes softened. “Oh, Bella…”

“It isn’t his fault, though. He can’t control his feelings, so he just can’t help it if he doesn’t love me the way I want him to. The way that I love him. He tried to tell me before, but he didn’t want to hurt my feelings. He said that he’d hoped he would fall in love with me in time, but it never happened.”

I patted her arm gently. Poor Bella. “Wait, then why did he choose to break up with you now? Is there someone else?”

Bellatrix hesitated, her eyes going distant for a moment. “It doesn’t matter. What matters is, YOU need to hang onto what you have with Quirrell. Can’t you see how you guys are made for each other? He loves you so much and you love him just as much. Please don’t throw away all of that, because trust me, love like that isn’t easy to find.”

She wiped the remaining tears from her eyes. “I’m sorry I was so harsh on you earlier. I really didn’t mean to hurt you; I just wanted you guys to be happy and not give up on your relationship. But it all came out wrong and I ended up being really rude and insulting, which was seriously out of line. I’m sorry.”

My heart melted. With a small smile, I replied, “Aw, it’s okay, Bella. I know you were just looking out for the two of us.”

She reciprocated with a watery smile. “You two are my best friends and I just want the best for you. I’m rooting for you guys, you know?”

I nodded. “Okay, I’ll…talk to Quirrell before he leaves. Whether we patch things up or not is still up in the air, but I think we both need to talk and get some closure either way.”

Bellatrix sought my hand and gave a reassuring squeeze. “Good.” She released my hand. “Now, kindly shut your face, some people are actually trying to get an education here.” She grabbed a pen and fixed her eyes on the whiteboard.

With a good-natured roll of my eyes, I followed suit. Never stop being you, Bella.

September 20^th, Chemistry lab

Dear Journal, I screwed up. Seriously. I screwed up BIG TIME. Things happened so fast, I…I honestly don’t know how it all played out this way. I’m just in shock right now. I never meant for anything of this to happen…I never meant to hurt anyone.

Sigh, I should probably explain, right? Okay, let me start from the top:

I trudged into Chemistry class with a heavy heart. I mean, come on, 2 break ups in 48 hours?? Seriously, what the hell. It’s almost like there’s some anti-Cupid going around, breaking our fragile little teenage hearts. Wait, is the anti-Cupid an actual thing? Like, you know how Krampus is like Evil Santa? Is there an Evil Cupid? (Note to self: Google whether Evil Cupid is real and find a way to kick its butt)

As I walked into the lab and sat down 2 seats away from my usual spot, I noticed Harry trying to catch my eye. Ugh, that candy-ass byotch. How dare he? I know we’re the only ones in our friend group who has Chem lab together, but he dumped my BFF. That revokes all rights of being my Chemistry partner! I huffed angrily as I avoided his gaze.

The displacement of air beside me shook me out of my reverie. I turned to find Harry, cheerful as a goddamn daisy, arranging his newly deposited belongings on my bench. As I glared with incredulity, Harry directed a sunny smile at me.

What the [REDACTED] is wrong with him?!

“Hey, Voldy.” Harry greeted me enthusiastically.

My jaw dropped. Uhhhhh, WHAT????

“I guess you didn’t notice that I was already sitting at our usual bench over there,” He jabbed a thumb towards said bench. “You seemed like you had a lot on your mind, so I just moved my stuff here. It’s nice; pretty good view from here.” He nodded approvingly at our bench, patting the benchtop like a dork.

Is he shitting me right now?! WHY is he acting like nothing’s happened???

I pinned him with a glare. “What the hell do you think you’re doing, Harry?”

His smile froze in place. “…I’m sorry?”

“You broke up with Bella, man.” I crossed my arms sternly. “You can’t expect me to be cool with that!”

Harry’s face fell. “…Oh. You heard about that already, huh?” He scratched his neck uncomfortably.

I raised a single sassy brow. “Yeah, no shit.”

He raised his hands in a placating gesture. “Look, just hear me out first, okay? I feel really crappy about it, but it’s for the best. No matter how hard I tried, I never felt the same way about Bella that she did about me. Trust me, I tried. I wish I loved her that way…but I don’t. I just want the best for her, and I can’t give her that. So, it was time to let go.”

My stony glare softened slightly. “But you were together for months, Harry. If you didn’t love her, why did you lead her on for so long? That’s not fair to either of you.”

He slumped into his seat. “I know it was wrong. I know it wasn’t fair. But…I guess I thought that I would eventually fall in love with her. And I was so scared of hurting her feelings by telling the truth of how I felt, that I didn’t realize I was hurting her more by staying silent.” Harry sighed heavily. “That’s on me. But today, I realized something. At lunch, she- she was so malicious and hurtful with the words that she threw at you. I mean, you were clearly already hurting from your break-up, and she rubbed handfuls of salt in like it was nothing.”

He faltered, his cheeks adopting a faint redness. “…That’s when I realized I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t keep pretending to be in love with her, if that’s the way she treats her best friend.”

Oh shit. He broke up with her because she yelled at ME? Crap, Bella is so gonna kill me.

I protested weakly. “But- But she apologized and told me that she was just looking out for us! She was just being Bellatrix, as usual. You know, super blunt and slightly reminiscent of an 80s serial killer, you know the deal. She didn’t mean to be so hurtful.”

Harry sighed. “Well, maybe you’re okay with the way that she treats others. But I’ve had enough of it.” He turns to cast his pleading eyes my way. “Listen, I know I broke up with your BFF…but we’re still friends, aren’t we? I hope that this thing with Bellatrix doesn’t affect our friendship, because I really value us, and I don’t want to lose my best friend in HHS.”

I bit my lip hesitantly. What should I do? I mean, on one hand, he totally dumped my bestie. And told her “Thank you” when she confessed her love. Like, hello, dick move. But on the other, she doesn’t seem to blame him and he’s being really nice and defending me, plus it makes sense that his break-up with Bella shouldn’t affect OUR friendship…

“Alright, class dismissed,” a voice boomed from the front of the lab.

I jolted in shock. OMG, class is over already? That was fast.

I gathered my belongings slowly as I pondered silently on how to proceed. Would Bella be super pissed if I stayed friends with Harry? She didn’t seem that angry with him earlier, so maybe not. Do I really want to lose my only friend who loves Zefron and snakes as much as I do? It’s gonna be SO hard to find another friend who will spend an entire day crafting an evolution timeline of Zefron’s abs with me…

In the hallway, I finally turn to face Harry, who’d been silently walking by my side. “You know what? You’re right. We shouldn’t let your break-up with Bella interfere with our friendship.”

Harry beamed widely in response. “Phew, you really had me worried there. So, friends?”

I smiled back, “Yeah, friends.”

He opened his arms for a hug. Eh, why not? I leaned in and hugged him, relieved that another bridge had been fixed today. Harry is honestly such a great friend. He’s always on my side, no matter what. I can’t believe I almost let our friendship die. That would’ve been stupid.

Then, I did something ACTUALLY stupid.

I pulled back from the hug and gave him a peck on the cheek. As friends do, when one is being really nice and sweet and making the other feel less shitty about himself after breaking up with his boyfriend of 2 years. You know, a NORMAL cheek kiss. I know what you’re thinking: cheek kisses are for grandmas, idiot. Pfft, au contraire, monsieur. There is NO place for toxic masculinity in this friendship, so I didn’t see anything wrong with it.

What was wrong, though, was my phenomenally bad timing.

Just as my lips neared his cheek, Harry turned his head to say something and then- Time stopped. I froze, flabbergasted to find a pair of lips against mine, instead of the slightly oily cheek that I had been aiming for. A loud gasp stole my attention and my eyes swiveled to the right, to see Bellatrix standing a few feet away. Crap!!

Finally regaining control of my motor functions, I ripped away from Harry and turned towards Bella, only to see her retreating back as she sprinted away.

“Bella, WAIT!”

Her only response was running faster away from me.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, SHIT. This is bad. This is REALLY BAD. OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!!!!!!!!!

I whirled back to face Harry. “I’m so sorry, I just wanted to peck your cheek because you were being so sweet and understanding and I had no idea you were gonna turn your head-”

“Whoa, whoa, breathe,” He interrupted my ramble. “It’s okay, Voldy, I get it. Don’t worry about me.” He looked in the direction that Bellatrix took off in. “…Seems like you have a lot more pressing concerns to worry about now, though.”

I let out a pained groan, rubbing the heels of my hands into my eyes. This day just keeps getting better.

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay,” Harry patted my back gently. “I’m sure you guys will work it out. At the very least, you still have me.” He pointed his thumbs at his face that was now donning a goofy smile.

Thank Zefron for small mercies.

I sighed. “Yeah, thanks Harry. I’ll catch you later!” Without waiting for his response, I jogged off to find Bella.

September 20^th, In the limo

Voldy: BELLA

Voldy: ANSWER ME

Voldy: I swear it wasn’t what it looked like, it was an ACCIDENT

Voldy: Bella? Please, just answer me

Bella: GO AWAY, TRAITOR

Voldy: OMG BELLA YOU REPLIED!!!!!!!!

Voldy: I DIDN’T BETRAY YOU I SWEAR IT WAS JUST A MISUNDERSTANDING

Voldy: Please, you have to believe me!!!

Voldy: Bella?

Voldy: BELLA????

Error: The user you are trying to reach has blocked you. You will not be able to send or receive messages or calls from this user.

....

Voldy: Quirrell? We need to talk.

Squirrel: …

Squirrel: Bellatrix told me everything already. There’s nothing left to say, Voldemort.

Voldy: No, there IS! This is all just a huge misunderstanding, trust me!

Voldy: Can we meet? I think it’s better if I talk to you face-to-face

Squirrel: Um

Squirrel: I just- I need some time to think on my own, okay?

Voldy: …Okay.

Voldy: Lmk when you’re ready to talk

I paused, my fingers hovering over the keypad.

Voldy: I love you

The typing bubble appears.

A few seconds later, it disappears. My eyes dart to the top of the screen. Quirrell went offline.

My heart sinks. What have I done?

September 20^th, Outside the Lincoln Plaza Cinemas

A sense of déjà vu overwhelmed me for a second, as I emerged from the entrance of the theatre with Harry, only to find the paparazzi surrounding us like vultures once more. Didn’t this exact same thing happen like, 5 days ago? God, why won’t these shitheads gets a LIFE?!

So, as it turns out, the “time” that Quirrell requested for was longer than expected. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, however, Harry dragged me to the next showing of the HSM marathon to cheer me up. I mean, I’m not significantly cheered up, but I will admit that Zefron’s defined biceps did make me feel slightly less shitty. Zefron: what can’t he do?

As I made my way out, yet ANOTHER offensive popcorn box attacked my foot. Okay, fine, it was just laying there, it didn’t jump at me or anything. But it was assaulting my delicate sensibilities, alright! WHEN will people stop being littering buttwads?!

Harry swooped in to catch me from falling and the paps erupted. Screams of “When did you and Quirrell call it splits, Prince?”, “Will you and Harry Potter be going to college together?”, “How does Harry’s family feel about him being your Prince Consort?” filled the air.

Ah shit.

I gripped Harry’s arm and dragged him away from the reporters, practically sprinting away as Lars shielded us with his gargantuan shoulders. I shoved him into the limo and yelled to my driver, “GO, GO, GO!”

As I hunched over catching my breath (man, I’ve gotta work on my cardio), Harry and I caught each other’s eyes. With a slight wheeze, we burst into laughter.

“Phew, that was a close one.” Harry tilted his head back against the seat and giggled.

A sudden flash of melancholy zipped through me as the memory of Quirrell, giggling as I told him about Rommel humping Dad’s Armani suit, took hold of me. I swallowed thickly.

God, I miss him.

“-Voldemort? Voldy, you good?”

I snapped back to the present, my smile long faded. I cleared my throat. “Uh, yeah. We’ll drop you off first, okay?”

Harry’s brows furrowed in confusion. “…Yeah, sure.”

The rest of the night passed in a blur as I moved numbly around, acting on autopilot. Regret filtered in. Yes, Quirrell said some very hurtful things to me, but I was acting pretty irrational as well. I shouldn’t have given up on us so easily; I should’ve fought harder. I should’ve given us a chance to fix things, like Quirrell had tried to do.

Now…everything’s a mess. A giant, screwed up, boiling hot mess.

With a sigh, I reached over for my phone and pulled up our messages. I slumped over defeatedly. Quirrell still wasn’t back online. What was he DOING for that long??

I scrubbed a hand over my eyes tiredly. I tossed my phone back and dropped my head back onto my pillow.

Must as well try to get some sleep so I don’t look like Shaun of the Dead when I talk to Quirrell tomorrow. Another sigh escaped me. Looks like Grandmére was right about ONE thing: at this rate, I really am gonna need Botox by the age of 40.

September 21^st, HHS

Something’s wrong. I can feel it. Quirrell isn’t answering my texts and he HAS been online, I checked. Bellatrix isn’t around either, she skipped school today.

My leg bounced anxiously. Yaxley looks at me with wide eyes. “Voldy? Are you okay? I know I’m not part of your little…love-square with Quirrell, Bella and Harry, which is like- weird, so thank GOD I’m not, so you can always talk to me about it, you know? I promise I’ll be an objective party.”

He bit his lip sheepishly. “Okay, fine, that was a lie. I’m totally NOT objective but that’s because I would totally be on your side, so we’re good!”

My lips lift upwards unconsciously. “Thanks, Yax. It’s just… Yesterday, Quirrell said he needed some time to himself. I assumed that we would talk today, seeing as his flight leaves in like, 2 hours. But he hasn’t SAID anything, even though he’s been online, and I’m really worried now. What if something happened to him? Or-” I gasped. “What if he changed his mind and he doesn’t wanna talk because he hates me and he just wants to LEAVE FOR JAPAN WITHOUT SEEING ME OH MY GOD!”

My breathing rate picked up as hyperventilation kicked in.

“Whoa, take deep breaths for me, in and out, in and out, okay? I’m sure that’s not the case, Voldy… But if it is,” I turned to stare at Yaxley in panic. “Why are you waiting for him to contact you? Just go find him and- and MAKE him talk!”

I scrunched my face up. Yaxley sighed, “Yeah, I know, not the best way to phrase it, sounds kinda rape-y, I know, but come on! There’s no time to waste; if he’s really leaving without seeing you, you HAVE to catch him at the airport and confess your love for each other! After that, he’ll turn to leave but then he’ll stop and look at you longingly. Then, he’ll drop all of his bags and hold his arms out as you run to them and embrace tightly as everyone in the airport applauds.” Yaxley clapped his hands together excitedly, his eyes shining with delusion.

I eyed him warily. Maybe his craziness is contagious, who knows?

“Uh, Yax, you do realize that reality is not a Lifetime movie, right? There’s no way what you just described is gonna happen.”

“Nothing happens unless you believe it can,” Yaxley declared. “Now, what are you WAITING for??? Go! Get yo’ man!!!!”

I rolled my eyes fondly and stood, gathering my things. Well, here’s hoping that one of Yaxley’s fairytale delusions actually comes true.

September 21^st, The airport

Dear Journal, how did I manage to fool the entire world into thinking that I’m a fully-functional human being? Because I’m not. Clearly.

You would think that a person who is being groomed to one day rule a nation would be able to navigate his way through an airport.

You would be wrong.

Lars and I have been walking in CIRCLES. Where the hell is gate 42????? I swear that this gate does NOT exist. Same as I am 100% sure that we’ve passed the same Hello Kitty Café at least 3 times in the past hour. That stupid, adorable face feels like its mocking me every time I pass by, all like, “Hello! Lost your way again? Have some chamomile, it’ll calm your nerves and comes in a cup shaped like me!” NO, Hello Kitty, I do not want to drink from a cup shaped like your body, that sounds hella freaky, ew.

This is all Dad’s fault. And Grandmére’s. What were they thinking, letting me fly in the private Royal Genovian Jet all the time? Now I have no idea how airports even work! What does that arrow even MEAN?! Does that mean walk forward or go upstairs?? WHY IS THE AIRPORT FULL OF CODED DIRECTIONS!!!!

I slowed my frantic brisk-walking to a stop. Turning to Lars, I said in a defeated tone, “Lars, I don’t think we’re gonna make it. According to that clock, his flight is leaving in 5 minutes. There’s no way he isn’t already on the plane, seated and ready to go.”

Lars protested, “We still have time, Prince, we can find him.” Lars, bless his pure soul, has been the Number 1 Quirrellmort stan since day one.

I sighed heavily, my eyes burning with the effort to hold back tears. “I know Quirrell; he’s always early and prepared and he’d never be outside his gate 5 minutes before the plane takes off. I lost my chance. I’ll never be able to see him again until-”

My words cut off as my eyes land on the number 42, like a magical oasis that had miraculously appeared. And below said number, a head of brown tufted hair.

“Quirrell!”

I dashed towards him, faster than I’ve ever ran in my life.

“QUIRRELL, WAIT!!!”

I ignored the rapid pounding of my heart as I saw him step towards the stewardess, handing her his flight ticket. Why isn’t he turning around?! Can’t he hear me?

“Prince, hold on!” Lars called out for me.

Clenching my fist, I ignored Lars and put on a burst of speed. The stewardess tore off the ticket stub and returned his ticket to him. No, no, no, no-

I caught his shoulder, just before he stepped through the gate.

I whirled him around to face me. “Quirrell, I-”

“Who are you? What do you want from me?”

My thoughts stumbled to a halt as the man turned and revealed a face that was decidedly not Quirrell’s. What.

“I…I…”

He left.

“I…”

He left without saying goodbye.

“I…”

He left me.

“I- Oh god, I am SO sorry, I really thought you were someone else! That- that’s why I grabbed your shoulder. Again, I’m so sorry for the inconvenience.”

The man gave me a weird look, before shrugging me off with a “Whatever”.

Dazed, I walked back to where Lars stood.

“So, I’m guessing that was NOT Quirrell.”

I nodded numbly, my mind still reeling. “He- Quirrell left me, Lars. He didn’t even bother to say goodbye, he just left.” My voice broke on the last word. That’s when the tears really started flowing, pouring out of me like a dam had burst.

“There, there,” Lars patted my back awkwardly, while simultaneously shooting dirty looks at the bystanders gawking at my meltdown.

“Let’s just get you home, alright, Prince?”

I nodded silently, still hiccupping with tears as he led me to the taxi stand. We’d left school in such a hurry that we didn’t have to time to bring the limo around. I let Lars gently direct me into a cab, too absorbed in he left he’s gone he left he’s gone.

I looked up. Oh great, it’s Ephrain Kleinschmidt again. Of all the cabs in New York, really? Ephrain shot us a panicked look when he saw me crying again and brandished Kleenex at me like how a priest wards a demon off with his cross.

I sighed. Guess I’m the demon.

September 21^st, Riddle Loft

The first thing I did when I walked into my room, away from the worried gazes of Lars and Mom, was blast September by Earth, Wind & Fire.

Do you remember the 21st night of September?

Love was changing the minds of pretenders

While chasing the clouds away

A noise escaped my mouth which was equal parts a sob and a laugh. Quirrell loved this song. He was into 70s retro music of all things, that dork. A sharp pain stabbed me at the thought of him, busting out his corny finger guns as he bopped to the song.

I missed my chance to ever see him embarrass himself to September again.

Breathing heavily, I checked my phone. I froze.

Wait.

Holy- OH MY GOD!

You have 1 voicemail message from ‘Squirrel’.

With my fingers trembling, I clicked play.

Hey Voldemort. It’s- It’s Quirrell. A huff of breath sounded. I’m sure you already kn-know that, since you’re playing this voicemail.

By the time you’re listening to this, my plane will have already taken off for Japan. First of all, I want to say that I’m s-sorry for not meeting with you, like I said I would. It’s just- I don’t think I can do this in person with you. It’s e-easier on the phone.

If I saw you, saw your face and that tremble-y thing your lip does when you’re about to cry whenever you see someone wearing snakeskin boots, he chuckled slightly, I think I wouldn’t be able to handle it. He took in a deep breath. I w-wouldn’t be able to do what I have to d-do.

I stumbled over to my bed and sank down slowly, a pit of growing dread in my stomach.

S-Second of all, I’m sorry. I know I didn’t apologize when I texted you after that n-night in the hotel room. So, I’m doing it now: I’m sorry. I said some really t-terrible things to you, which was unacceptable. I n-never meant to hurt you. He hesitated. No. That’s not t-true. In that moment, I did want to hurt y-you. Because I was just so angry at you. And so, I f-flung those barbed words your way. But I regret doing that and I r-regret causing you pain. It h-hurts me to see you in pain. I’m so sorry.

His breathing picked up, as his voice got tighter. And t-third of all, you were r-right. It is better if we end things n-now.

My breath hitched. Something like bile rose up my throat.

If the p-past few days have been any indication, we clearly have a lot more g-growing to do. Growing that we should do w-without each other. Quirrell sighed. I l-lashed out at you because I’m insecure when it comes to you and your family. Which was unfair, because it isn’t your j-job to try to make me feel less inferior than I always think I am w-when I’m around you. I worked so hard to get this offer in attempt to p-prove myself, but…who am I kidding? A mirthless laugh bubbled from his mouth. How can I ever prove my w-worth to you and your family, when I, myself, don’t believe in my own worth?

I swallowed around a lump in my throat. I never wanted him to feel inferior. But no matter how many times I told him so, he never believed that he was “worthy of me”. I wiped a tear away. Stupid goddamn inferiority complex.

But it’s hard n-not to feel inferior when you’re compared to people like Harry freakin’ Potter. With his Hollywood-famous Dad and g-gold stamped approval from your Grandmére, of c-course you’d prefer him to me. I know you said it was a misunderstanding, but r-really, Voldemort? A kiss in the h-hallway? Even if that really was just a b-blunder, like you said, then why go on movie-dates with him h-holding you in his arms?

His voice thickened with repressed tears. I kn-know we were broken up, but h-how could you move on that fast? With B-Bellatrix’s ex-boyfriend, no less. He sighed tiredly. Maybe this really is all just a huge misunderstanding, but from where I-I’m standing, and where B-Bella is standing, this h-hurts. A lot.

Oh god, they really think I’m with Harry now? How could they think that? I would never- We’re just friends- How the hell do I fix this?! Quirrell has to know that I would never do that to him, ever!

I don’t even know w-why I’m telling you all this. M-Maybe it’s because we won’t see each other for a very long time, if ever. My point is, I think it’s b-better if we take time to learn to be on our own. We’ve known each other since the s-sandbox days. Don’t you think it’s scary how co-dependent we are on each other? A sniffle sounded over the phone. I think we both have more m-maturing and growing to do, and maybe being together was s-stunting that growth. Maybe it would be g-good for us to experience the world on our own, maybe even…maybe even d-d-date other people. He huffed slightly. I don’t know if any of this m-makes sense.

I hope that we can still be f-friends after this. You know, exchange emails every now and then. We were friends b-before feelings got involved…I hope we can get back to that one day. A long pause.

G-Goodbye, Voldemort.

The voicemail made a click sound when it reached its end.

A sob escaped my throat. We- We’re really over. 14 years of friendship, 2 years of being together, just gone. The tears stream down my face. It feels like my chest is imploding into itself. I can’t believe he decided to end things. Even after I squinted into the sky and saw his plane from within Ephrain’s cab, a small part of me still harbored hope that we could fix it. That we could still work it out.

Now, that hope is gone.

My cries rack my body so hard, it hurts. I throw my body back onto the bed, curling into a fetal position.

My thoughts are with you

Holding hands with your heart to see you

Only blue talk and love

Over my muffled sobs into my pillow, September continues to play on repeat.