Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Dean: Did you take your medicine this morning?

Ph@m: Shoot, sorry P’, I totally forgot

Ph@m: I had an early morning club thing and left my bottle on the counter

Dean: I have some in my bag packed for emergencies, I’ll be over soon

Ph@m: Thank you P’, love ya!

Dean: Love you too

Pharm sighed, shoving his phone back into his back pocket before washing his hands and rejoining his fellow club members. The Music Club was taking a forest trip, and The Cooking Club had been asked to provide them with snacks for the bus ride.

Pharm had been in the clubroom since 5 AM, helping to prepare snacks and mini sandwiches. He had had a nightmare last night, and had found it difficult to fall back asleep. As such, he had missed his alarm, and in his rush to get to the school on time, forgotten to take his medication.

He was lucky he had such a dedicated and supportive boyfriend, prepared for just about any emergency. Pharm sighed as he began skinning carrots, Dean didn’t used to be this over prepared.

After Pharm’s “Breakdown”, Dean had made himself responsible for every aspect of Pharm’s health. Even during their break from each other, Dean constantly checked up on the younger boy, making sure he was up to date on all his appointments and medication. While it was nice to have such a caring boyfriend, there were times when it got a little stifling, though Pharm was hesitant to tell Dean.

One night, Pharm had had a nightmare about the night In took over, Dean had been so panicked, he insisted Pharm stay home and rest all day, even asking if he needed to call Pharm’s therapist.

After that night, Pharm had made sure to keep his nightmares a secret, worried that Dean would respond in much the same, overprotective way.

“Oh! P’Dean!” P’Oom, the club president suddenly spoke up, pulling Pharm from his thoughts. He looked up and smiled as his boyfriend walked into the club room. “Are you here for Pharm?” Dean nodded, and P’Oom turned to Pharm with a smile, “Nong, you can go ahead and take a break, you’ve been here since the beginning, go spend some time with your boyfriend!” She chuckled as Pharm blushed.

“Khrab, thank you, P’.” He placed his carrots on a plate for someone else to finish cutting up, and, shedding his apron, went to join his boyfriend.

They walked, hands intertwined, down the path towards the gazebo that lay just outside the building. Sitting down, Dean immediately reached into his bag, pulling out a waterbottle and a small pill box.

“Here,” Dean said, handing the objects to Pharm before ruffling his hair, “You should set yourself an alarm so you don’t forget.”

Pharm rolled his eyes as he swallowed the pill down with a mouthful of water, “I do set an alarm, I was just too busy to listen to it this morning.”

“Mh,” Dean moved closer, his brows furrowed in concern, “Are you sleeping well? You have bags under your eyes.”

Pharm waved his hand dismissively, “I’ve just been busy with school and the club, it’s nothing to worry about.”

Dean, however, did not look convinced, “Pharm, we promised to talk about these things, are you really ok?”

“Yes, P’,” He smiled and placed a comforting hand on Deans, “I promise, if things get bad, I’ll let you know, khrab?

Dean sighed, “Khrab.”

Pharm leaned upwards to kiss his boyfriend on the cheek, he felt guilty for lying, but this was for the best. He had classes to attend, he couldn’t have Dean forcing another “mental health” day on him. 

“Oh, P’,” Pharm spoke up, tapping a finger on his chin, “I just remembered, Mannow and Team wanted to do a triple date with all of us sometime this week, they wanted me to ask when you’d be free.”

Dean smiled and ruffled Pharm’s hair again, a habit that was as endearing as it was bothersome as Pharm fixed the tangles with a pout that left Dean laughing. “For you, nong, I’m always free. But I can do tonight or tomorrow if that works.”

Pharm clapped his hands together, smiling wide, “Wonderful! I’ll let them know and text you the details later, ok P’?”

Dean nodded, eyes twinkling as he watched his boyfriend go off on a tangent, discussing which restaurants the friends were debating on a date place. 

Suddenly, a sharp alarm rang, interrupting them. Pharm checked his phone, “Oops, I have to go, class is starting soon, see you later babe,” He leaned down and gave Dean a peck on the lips, throwing his bright yellow bag on his shoulders. He raced away waving goodbye to his boyfriend, who smiled, and waved back.

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Perhaps this date was a bad idea. Pharm had had another sleepless night of gunshots, blood, and eyes that stared blankly back at him. Eyes that morphed from Korn’s dark, to Dean’s diamond blue.

Overall, he was exhausted, stressed, and on edge. And yet, here he was, barely hiding his shaking body as he tried his best to smile at his friends and their dates as they waited for their Korean BBQ to arrive.

Dean, who could tell almost immediately that something was wrong, had whispered in Pharm’s ear, asking him if he wanted him to make an excuse so they could leave early. Pharm had shook his head, regretting that action, and instead, chose to focus on the way Dean’s thumb brushed across his hand in a comforting manner.

Mannow cheered, hugging her boyfriend Pruk once the waiter arrived with plates of raw beef and sauces. “Yay!” She squealed, “I was ready to starve to death.”

Team rolled his eyes as Win chuckled, taking the thin slices of meat and placing them on the grill. “Oh please Mannow, you say that everytime you’re about to eat. If you were starved as you claim to be, you would have wasted away ages ago.”

Mannow pouted and Pruk patted her back with a smile, “Don’t worry babe, as long as you’re with me, you’ll never go hungry.”

“Aww, thanks babe,” She cuddled deeper into Pruk’s arms, sticking her tongue out at Team, “That’s love, bitch.” She said, and, without either looking at each other, both Pruk and Mannow raised their hands and high-fived each other.

Pharm giggled at his friend's antics. It had been a while since all six of them had been able to hang out together, so he was determined to make it through this date without incidence.

“Oh, Pharm,” Win spoke up, flipping the meat, “I’ve been meaning to ask, how are you doing lately?”

“What do you mean, P’?” Pharm asked, confused.

“Well, we never did find out why you were in the hospital for a whole week, Team here was hysterical the whole tim-”

Team slapped his boyfriend's arm, “I was not hysterical, I was only worried.” He turned to Pharm with a frown, “But P’Win is right Pharm, we were all worried about you. Are you doing ok these days?”

Dean’s hand gripped his a little tighter, and Pharm could practically feel the intense look Dean was giving them all. Pharm removed his hand from Dean’s and patted his lap to signal he was fine.

“I’m doing ok, just a bad fever,” Pharm assured his friends, “I promise, I’m doing much better now.”

Mannow sighed, “That’s good to hear,” She raised a finger and shook it at Pharm sternly, “But the next time you get sick like that, let us know. You just vanished on us, we didn't know where you, or P’Dean disappeared to for a full week. We thought maybe you guys had run off to America to elope or something!”

Pharm blushed, rubbing In’s ring on his finger. He was embarrassed to admit that he and Dean had actually considered performing such an action before.

Dean, meanwhile, did not look amused. “Can we just focus on the food, Sat-Win, you’re burning the meat.”

“Oops,” Win quickly pulled the half-burnt piece of meat from the stove and placed it on Team’s plate, “Here you go, love!”

Team grimaced at the charred meat on his plate, “How romantic of you to feed me, P’Win.”

Win smirked, “Only the best for the love of my life.” He fluttered his eyelids, leaning closer to a Team who just rolled his eyes, crossing his arms.

“Clearly.”

The rest of the dinner was spent with mindless chatter and small talk as the couples gossiped between each other. Eventually though, all three couples left the restaurant, bellies full, hearts warm as they walked hand in hand with their loved ones, heading towards where they had parked the cars.

Suddenly, there was a loud screech of tires on pavement, and the couples looked into the road, just in time to witness a motorcyclist go flying off his bike with a sudden crash as he swerved to avoid a stray cat that had come racing into the road.

The cyclist, who had not been wearing a helmet, lay on the pavement, blood pooling about his head and bent limbs as witnesses screamed and asked someone to call an ambulance.

Pharm felt sick. He couldn’t breathe, over and over again the sounds of gunshot rang in his ears alongside the echoing, sickening sound of the crash. He turned and threw up into the bushes besides them, Dean, panicking and rubbing his back.

Pharm couldn’t hear anything besides the screams, the shots, the wailing. Blood. There was so much blood. 

Korn…

Pharm collapsed onto the sidewalk, panting. Cold, everything was cold. The smell of iron and copper tainted the air, and Pharm choked on the sharp, acrid scent. He couldn’t feel the hands on him as Dean and his friends struggled to lift him.

One hand gripped his arm too hard and Pharm was suddenly back in that room, being held back as the love of his life shot himself right in front of him.

“Let me go! Let me go!” Pharm sobbed, struggling to get away. He had to get to Korn. “Korn! Korn!” He wailed. “Stop, make it stop!”

Hot tears ran down Dean’s face, “Not again,” He pleaded, though to whom, he did not know, “Please not again.”

“What’s going on?” Team stressed, horrified at the writing mass of pain and fear his ordinarily happy friend had become, “Who’s Korn?”

“Pharm, Pharm, focus on my voice,” Dean continued, ignoring Team. “Pharm, you aren’t there, you aren’t In. You’re Pharm, you’re outside with your boyfriend, it’s me, Dean, Pharm please.” Dean choked on his own spit as he tried so hard to calm his boyfriend, who had stopped flailing about and was now curled into a ball, sobbing.

“Please…” Pharm wailed, “Please make it stop…” His hands and face were scratched and bleeding from his nails raking across his skin, and the sight only further broke Dean’s heart.

Behind them, the ringing bells of the ambulance pulled into view, flashing lights further illuminating the scene. A few medics quickly attended to the motorcyclist, while one raced over to the group of friends, noticing the chaos.

“What’s going on?” The medic said, immediately checking on Pharm.

Win ran a hand through his hair, “I-I don’t know he, he just-”

“He has panic attacks,” Mannow supplied tearfully, “He has a phobia of loud noises, but it’s never been this bad before.” She let out a sob and Pruk pulled her in to rub her back.

Dean, who had remained silent and stone faced, spoke up, “He’s suffering from a major PTSD breakdown, this happened a few months ago before. He needs to see a doctor.”

The medic nodded, carefully gathering Pharm up to bring him inside the ambulance as well. Dean stood up, following the medic to join them on the ride to the hospital. He tossed Win his keys.

“Take my car, you can bring everyone home. Be careful.”

“What, Dean,” Win raced after him, struggling to keep up with the fast pace to the ambulance, “Dean, what did you mean Pharm was suffering PTSD? What do you mean this has happened before, Dean-”

Dean raised a hand to stop Win, who immediately fell silent, “I’ll explain later,” He said, hopping into the back of the ambulance, “For now, please take care of everyone, I’ll call you later.”

And with that, the doors shut, and the ambulance drove away in a myriad of flashing lights and a wailing siren, leaving Win and the rest of the couples staring at the retreating vehicle which contained their friends. 

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Dean sat next to the hospital bed rubbing Pharm’s bandaged hand. Silent tears fell down his cheeks as  he watched his boyfriends sleeping face, listening to each soft breath and the beat of the heart monitor.

How could this happen again? He had tried so hard to protect Pharm, and yet again, he had failed. He could only count himself lucky there wasn’t a gun nearby for Pharm to grab again.

He shuddered at the memory of Pharm, eyes clouded with pain, grief, and the gaze of another being from a different time. A gun held to his head as Dean pleaded with him.

“What if I choose to leave you first?” Pharm asked, stepping back as Dean tried to move closer. His hands were cold and shaking, water dripping down from his wet hair and mingling with the tears that had poured out from his heartbroken soul. 

“I’m leaving you!”

“In, don’t do this,” Dean had pleaded, he didn’t know what to do. The gun was still pointing at Pharm and Dean tried hard to swallow the fear that was slowly overtaking him. “Don’t take him away from me!” He knew it couldn’t be Pharm, not his brave, smiling Pharm. Pharm could never look this hurt, not because of Dean.

“Please, don’t do this,” He begged the long dead lover of a life past, “I’m right here, I am here now.”

“Please, Pharm,” Dean whispered, “I’m right here, P’Dean is here now.”

The door to the hospital room creaked open, and Dean turned to see P’Sin enter. “How’s he doing?” The rugged man asked, glancing down at his cousin.

Dean sighed, “The doctor’s say he’ll be ok, just needs rest and fluids. I’ll have to schedule an extra meeting with his therapist as well.”

“Mh,” P’Sin grunted in acknowledgement, “What happened? You weren’t very specific when you called me.”

“Motorcycle accident.” P’Sin raised an eyebrow, “He wasn’t in one,” Dean further explained, “A cyclist had an accident in front of us. I’m guessing the noise and blood just...caused another attack.”

P’Sin sighed, plopping down on a chair beside Dean, “I thought we were past all this ‘reincarnation’ crap.”

Dean shook his head, “So did I after Korn and In reconciled. As far as I know, neither of us has received any further dreams about our past life. But I know Pharm has had a nightmare about them before. I guess the trauma of the memories is still there.”

P’Sin frowned, “Poor kid, can’t imagine the things that go through his head. Just watching his first breakdown was rough enough for me.” He turned to Dean, concerned, “And how about you? How are you faring?” Dean opened his mouth to speak, but P’Sin interrupted, “And don’t give me any of that ‘I’m fine’ shit, I already know that’s not true so don’t even try.”

Dean sighed, “I can’t hide anything from you, can I?”

“Nope.” P’Sin smirked.

“I’m...trying.”

P’Sin leaned forward, confusion furrowing his brows, “What do you mean you’re trying?”

“It’s...been hard,” Dean admitted, “I know Pharm is a little annoyed I’ve been on him so much lately, but…” Dean swallowed, “It was so hard, that day. Watching him fall apart, knowing it was my fault. I almost lost him that day, P’Sin,” He choked on his words.

“Pharm almost died and that would have been my fault. And just, watching him break down like that,” A tear ran down his cheek, “In that moment, I really did lose Pharm, not in the physical snese, but in that moment, that wasn’t Pharm, that was In. And I never want to watch that happen again. But it did. I was right there and it happened again.” 

Dean clenched his fist in anger and slammed it down on his thigh. P’Sin, who had been listening the entire time, simply nodded.

“I understand how you feel, but keep in mind, it wasn’t your fault, no, don’t try to argue. It was Korn who decided to leave In. Not you. All you’ve done is be there for Pharm, and I’m sure if he were awake to hear it, he would agree with me. You need to stop this self blaming shit you got going on. Honestly, it’s not even Korn’s fault this all happened. They were both in a bad place at the time, and Korn couldn’t handle it anymore. He didn’t know what consequences his actions would have.”

Dean sighed, but before he could respond, his phone rang, quickly, he answered it. “Hello?”

“Dean?” It was Win’s voice, “Dean, what the hell happened tonight? Is Pharm ok?”

“Dean, please tell me Pharm is ok,” This time, Team spoke up, Dean guessed Team was at Win’s again.

“He’s doing ok now, he’s asleep. They have him hooked up to some fluids.”

“Seriously Dean,” The phone was back in Win’s hands, “What the hell happened? You said Pharm has broken down like this before? What does he have PTSD from? Dean, you gotta tell me man. You guys really freaked us out tonight.”

“It’s...hard to explain,” Dean whispered softly into the phone, casting Pharm a glance, “Once Pharm is awake, I’ll talk to him. This is more his story than mine, if he wants to tell you, then you’ll know. For now, all you need to know is that, that week Pharm spent in the hospital was because of something similar, and we’ve been working hard to fix it.”

Dean could hear Win exhale heavily through the phone, and Team’s faint complaints in the background,  “Fine, I’ll wait. You should text or call Pruk and Mannow, I’m sure they’re just as worried as we are. Get some rest too man, you sound exhausted.”

“Thanks, Win.” Dean said, hanging up on his friend and shooting a text explaining the situation to Pruk, who immediately responded with well wishes, and the same advice for Dean to get some rest.

“Everything good?” P’Sin asked.

“Yeah, just...we had an audience this time, they want answers.” Dean responded, rubbing his temples. He could feel the sharp pain of a headache behind his tired eyes.

P’Sin frowned, “I overheard what you said, you two really gonna tell them the whole story?” He gestured towards Pharm with a nod.

“If Pharm wants to, yes. They’re his friends, and mine as well. I trust them.”

“If you say so, and hey,” He stood up, patting Dean on the shoulder, “You should get some rest, I’ll be back tomorrow.”

Dean rolled his eyes, “I’m not that tired, everyone’s worried for no reason.”

P’Sin laughed, “Funny, you look like shit man, seriously, check the mirror. Anyway, see you later dude.” And with that, P’Sin left, leaving Dean to slowly nod off, his hand still holding Pharm’s.

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“You sure about this?” Dean asked, rubbing Pharm’s hand.

The, now awake, boy smiled and nodded, “I’m sure, P’Dean. They deserve to know.”

Dean sighed, “Alright then, they’ll be here in a few minutes, you ready?”

“With you beside me? Ready for anything.”

The door slammed open, and in rushed their friends, Mannow and Team, crying as they surrounded Pharm. Win and Pruk went to stand beside Dean, slapping his back in greeting.

“Hey man,” Win said with smile, “Nice to see you took our advice and got some sleep last night.” Dean just rolled his eyes, then he and Pharm shared a look.

Pharm coughed to gather everyone’s attention, “Well, I’m guessing you guys have a lot of questions about last night.”

“A lot doesn’t even cover it,” Team scolded, Mannow nodding in agreement, “How did we not know about any of...this?” He gestured to Pharm laying in the hospital bed, and the small boy blushed.

“It was a private matter,” Pharm explained, “It’s...not exactly something...normal…”

The group raised their brows in concern, “Do you have some weird, rare medical condition or something?” Team asked, and Pharm shook his head.

“No….see...let’s start with this, do you guys believe in the concept of reincarnation and soulmates?”

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After the whole story has been explained, Mannow and Team are crying into Pharm’s shoulders while Pruk and Win look thoroughly amazed, confused, and slightly terrified.

“This is crazy man,” Win says in awe, “You realize that, right?”

Dean shrugged, “We’ve gotten used to it at this point, so not really.”

Pruk shook his head, “I can’t believe you guys are reincarnated soulmates , if you hadn’t called P’Sin to help confirm and send proof, I honestly wouldn’t believe it.”

“I can’t believe you almost died Pharm!” Mannow wailed, “I can’t believe you waited till now to tell us!”

Pharm chuckled wetly, his own tears falling down his face, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know how you’d react.”

“Pharm,” Team said seriously, “We’re your best friends , no matter what crazy stuff goes on in your life, we will always be on your side.”

“Thank you,” Pharm sobbed, “Thank you so much guys.”

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The next few days were filled with tears and, in addition to overprotective boyfriends, now Pharm had a whole team of overprotective friends watching his every move. Pharm sighed, perhaps it was time to have a talk with Dean.

He invited Dean over for dinner that night, and after eating, Pharm sat on his bed, patting the spot next time. Dean sat down and leaned in for a kiss, but Pharm raised his hand, stopping him.

“Is everything ok, Pharm?” Dean asked, brows furrowed, “Did I...did I read the atmosphere wrong or-”

Pharm shook his head, “It’s ok, P’Dean, actually, I wanted to to you about something.”

Dean unconsciously took hold of Pharm’s hand, “What’s it about?”

Pharm took a deep breath, then suddenly spoke in a louder than usual tone, “I need a break!” He blushed, eyes widening at the fear in Dean’s eyes, he pulled his hand from Dean’s embrace and shook his hands, “No, not like... that , listen, P’Dean,” He sighed, taking hold of Dean’s hands once more, “I absolutely love being with you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” He smiles softly, his blush deepening, and Dean relaxes, “It’s just that...after everything that’s been going on, you’ve...kind of been a helicopter boyfriend? If that makes sense? Hear me out,” Pharm continues, 

“I understand that you’re worried about me, I get that, but almost all of our conversations the last few months have been about my health , you won’t let me go to school if I have a nightmare or anxiety attack, you’re constantly following me around like you’re afraid I’m about to fall apart. And I know you’re doing it because you love me and want me to be safe, but Dean, I don’t want to feel like an invalid, or like a burden.”

Dean frowns, he knew Pharm had been a little annoyed with how protective he had been lately, but he didn’t know it was this bad.

“I just...I want us to be a normal couple,” Pharm explains, “We never had that chance before with both of us dealing with...In and Korn...but now, we can finally be free to be in our own , real, relationship. I’m not saying you have to suddenly stop caring about my health, I know that’s an impossible thing to ask of you, all I’m asking is that you...relax a little. 

“I’ll tell you when I need extra help, or when I’m feeling down. I want you to relax, and focus on yourself a little. I know you haven’t been taking care of yourself as much these past few months. And it hurts me to see you hurting yourself.” Pharm leaned his head against his boyfriend’s wide chest, “Please,” He begged, “Please take care of yourself a little more, for me, na?”

Dean wrapped his arms around the younger boy, pulling him close, “I’m sorry if you felt like a burden, Pharm,” He whispered, “I’ve just been so scared, after what happened, I never want that to happen again.” He pulled Pharm from his chest, and rubbed their noses together in an eskimo kiss, “I promise to take better care of myself and ease off of you a bit, as long as you promise to take care of yourself as well and tell me when you’re having a bad day, do you?”

Pharm smiled, “I promise. We’ll both take better care of ourselves.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” Dean smiled softly, then pulled the younger in for a kiss. And this time, Dean definitely read the atmosphere right.

Chapter Text

“P’Dean, relax,” Pharm soothed his boyfriend who had been pacing back and forth for the past half hour, “You’ve met them already, and you join me for our weekly video chats all the time, you have nothing to worry about.” He stopped him from walking and set about to fix his crooked tie and brush loose hairs away from his forehead.

“But we’ve never met in person, except for that one time….”

Pharm raised an eyebrow, confused, before he remembered and frowned, “I forgot about that,” He whispered, now joining Dean in his journey to wear a path into Pharm’s kitchen tile.

Pharm’s family was back in town for spring break, the first time either had seen them since Pharm had had his breakdown, and his grandfather died. Overall, not a great first impression. Or maybe not. Having a boyfriend ready to protect you, even if it was from your heartbroken past life, wasn’t bad at all. Right?

Pharm took a deep breath, “Ok, we’ll just...try to avoid that conversation. We’ll go, have a nice dinner, and talk like ordinary people. We can do that.”

Dean nodded, “Of course. We have normal conversations with my family all the time.”

“Not your grandma though,” Pharm supplied, before placing his face in his hands, “I’m not helping, am I?”

Dean walked over and ran his hands up and down Pharm’s arms, “We’ll just have to be extra careful, we’ll be with each other the whole time, we can do this.”

“Yeah,” Pharm nodded slowly, “Yeah, we can do this.” He frowned and slapped Dean’s arms softly, “I can’t believe you had to go and stress me out like that.”

Dean smiled, “Sorry, but hey, at least we’re on the same page now?”

Pharm giggled, “I suppose,” He glanced up at the clock, “Oh no! P’Dean!” He quickly raced over to the counter where his phone and wallet sat, “We have to go! Our reservation is at 5:30, we should have left 10 minutes ago!”

Dean swore, gathering his things and following Pharm out the door as they raced towards the elevator.

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“It’s ok P’Dean,” Pharm squeezed his boyfriends hand as they stood outside the restaurant, “We can do this.”

Dean smiled at him and squeezed back, and suddenly, the tall glass doors that stood before them didn’t seem so daunting anymore.

They walked in hand in hand, and Pharm smiled at the hostess who stood at the front with a larger than humanly possible grin. “Hello, welcome to Mots de Nourriture, I’m Pan, and I’ll be your hostess for tonight, how can I help you?”

“I’m here for a 5:30 reservation,” Pharm said, “Family name, Triwinij?”

Pan looked through the binder on the desk in front of her, then smiled back up at them, “You folks are seated at table 12, please, follow me.” The hostess led them through the dimly lit restaurant towards their table where Phoom, and Pharm’s mother sat.

The friendly woman gave the couple a bright smile and waved hello, Phoom smirking at their joined hands. He whistled lowly at them, “You guys are so cute together,” he teased.

His mother playfully bopped the back of his head as Phoom laughed at Pharm and Dean’s flushed faces, “Be nice,” She scolded him. Then, she turned to smile softly at the blushing couple, “Go ahead, sit down, order whatever you want, it’s on me tonight.”

Dean shook his head, “Don’t worry about me ma’am, I can pay for my own food.”

She laughed, “Nonsense,” her eyes softened, “I invited you both out here tonight so I could spend time with my son and his boyfriend, I don’t mind paying.”

Pharm smiled at his boyfriend and brushed his thumb over his hand, then he turned to his mother, “Thank you, mae.” The two sat down on the opposite side of the table as a waiter arrived to take their order.

Both Pharm and Dean ordered the Endives Au Gratin, while Phoom ordered a Mediterranean mango dish, and Pharm’s mother ordered Foi Gras. While they waited for their food, another waitress brought them a bottle of champagne and a sparkling water for Phoom.

“So, Dean,” Mrs. Triwinij smiled softly at him, “How have you been?”

“I’ve been good ma’am,” Dean responded, he had nothing to fear. He had spoken to Pharm’s mother over a thousand times, meeting in person like this shouldn’t change anything. “How is your restaurant?”

“Oh, it’s doing absolutely lovely, you two will have to fly up some time to visit,” She exclaimed, “You two will love New York, very friendly, perfect for a romantic getaway,” She winked at Pharm.

It took them a moment to realize what she was insinuating.

“Maeeee,” Pharm whined, “P’ and I already decided to wait before getting married!”

She just shrugged, “I didn’t specify when you had to come visit.”

Dean chuckled as Pharm and his mother argued back and forth, relaxing in the warm atmosphere. Perhaps this night wouldn’t be as stressful as he had thought it would be.

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Mrs. Triwinij was a simple woman. She fell in love with a simple man, had two lovely boys, and after the love of her life passed away, moved to New York and opened a simple restaurant.

She had never considered herself boring, but she knew she wasn’t the most interesting person by far. She was plain, normal, and perfectly happy with that fact.

She had believed the same applied to her sons. Phoom was the typical, teasing younger brother. Pharm was shy, kind, and just a little bit sassy.

But then she had received the call about her father-in-law. He was dying of cancer, so she asked Pharm to meet with him one last time. She had luckily managed to find a friend to watch the restaurant, allowing her and Phoom to surprise Pharm when they arrived back in Thailand.

But much to her horror, instead of a warm welcome, she had to listen to the most terrifying, painful news in her life. Pharm had stolen a gun. Pharm had run away. Pharm was suicidal. 

Sin had explained everything over the phone as she frantically waved down a taxi. It was unbelievable. Her son, the reincarnation of her husband’s brother’s boyfriend? It sounded like something out of a movie. 

But then she and Phoom entered that room. Tears ran down her face as she witnessed her son scream and cry. She knew then that what Sin had told her was true. But then worrying thoughts ran rampant about her mind, how long had Pharm been dreaming about these things? How long has her son been suffering? All this time, he was in so much pain, and she had remained blissfully unaware.

She wiped away her tears, determined to run forward and envelop her son in a warm, loving hug. All she wanted to do was comfort him. But P’Kritt had stopped her, stepping in and finishing the story of the two young lovers, lost to the pain of heartbreak and prejudice.

Watching her son breakdown and cry like that, curled up so small in Dean’s arms, sent chills through her body. She vaguely recognized what had almost occured that night. Her son had almost died. Her son was lost as another boy took over, and placed a gun to her son's head.

The boy she had given birth to, the small, warm body cradled in her arms. The little child who snuck out in the early hours of the morning to try and make an omelette. The boy whose knees she had bandaged, whose forehead she had kissed at night, whose body she had cared for when tears ran down his feverish cheeks.

Those nights of finishing homework together, the desserts they had baked together, the tears she wiped away as they held each other close, watching a casket lower into the ground. Her happy, laughing son, so dear to her heart, was now laying in a hospital bed. And she had very nearly lost another member of her family.

His face was so pale, cold sweat rolling down his forehead. Wires and tubes crowded his small body, and she had to choke back tears. Her face was hot, and her throat backed up with repressed sobs. 

She had to remain strong, Phoom was also scared. She held her son in her arms, cradling his head in her bosom as she stroked his hair. “Shh,” She whispered, “It’s ok, Pharm will be ok, just you wait and see.”

But once the night fell and she was alone, she cried. She cried like she wasn’t allowed to do so in front of the world. A mother had to remain strong, she was their guiding light, if she let the darkness take over, no one would be there to guide her sons.

Hidden in the corner of the dark room, the tall person who entered didn’t notice her. She watched as Dean stumbled slowly to the seat next to Pharm’s bed, and took hold of his limp hand.

“Pharm,” He whispered, “I’m so sorry,” sobs racked his body, “I’m so sorry Pharm,”

Her heart only further shattered as she watched the boy, who had given himself so fully to her son, cry over his unconscious body.

“Pharm, I have so many things I want to tell you,” Dean took his other hand and ran his fingers through Pharm’s unwashed hair, “I love you so much, I love you like I have never loved before. Even without In and Korn, I would have fallen in love with you at first sight. You’ve always been so kind, so brave, so good to me. I wish I could give you more, the moon, the stars, the sun,” A wet chuckle, “But it’s impossible to give you what you already are to me, so all I can do is give you all of me. Every last particle of me belongs to you Pharm.”

Mrs. Triwinij held her breath, stifling the sobs that racked her body. She knew Dean loved her son, but how much, she could only guess before.

“Pharm,” Dean squeezed Pharm’s hand, “When I think about my future, you are all I see. You are everything to me. I,” He took a deep breath, “I can’t lose you, not yet. I want to grow old with you, I want to marry you, even if it means running to New York and eloping. I want to open a restaurant like you’ve always dreamed of. I want to walk, hand in hand with you, now and always. You’re my forever Pharm.” He leaned in and gave Pharm a kiss on his forehead, “Even love is not a strong enough word to explain my feelings for you.”

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Mrs. Triwinij smiled as she watched her son’s boyfriend feed him a spoonful of his food. She had never told anyone, not Dean, not Pharm, what she had heard that night in the hospital. It was meant to be private, so she would hold her tongue.

Watching the way her son seemed to explode with color and joy around the older boy warmed her heart. She knew the strength of their love, and she would support them, all the way.

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Phoom was not convinced. Sure, he had been supportive of Pharm and Dean at the beginning, but now?

It wasn’t that he was against gay couples, he would never hate them for that, no. Phoom was still thinking about that night. The night he and his mother had rushed in to find Pharm wailing and flailing about, a loaded gun by his side.

The whole story had never been explained to Phoom, he had only caught bits and pieces, but he understood what had happened. And though he tried not to, he couldn’t help but blame Dean.

None of this had ever happened before Dean had met Pharm. If Dean hadn’t met Pharm, the dreams may have just remained as such, dreams. A dark secret, never to unveil itself.

Instead, Phoom had had to watch the pain his brother felt, watch him collapse, watch him spend that awful week in the hospital. He hadn’t said so, but he knew his mother cried when she thought she was alone. And Phoom couldn’t trust anyone who caused his mother to cry, who hurt his brother in such an awful way.

But his mother supported them, and Pharm seemed incistant on staying with Dean, so he would respect them, for now.

That night, after the dinner, Phoom and his mother joined Pharm at his apartment. Dean would be going to his own home tonight. Their mother would take the bed, Phoom the couch, and Pharm had set up blankets on the floor for himself.

Phoom lay on the couch, deep in his thoughts. Once he could hear the quiet breathing of his mother, now asleep, he turned his head to look at Pharm. Pharm was still awake, texting someone. No doubt Dean if his smile was anything to go off of.

“P’...” Phoom whispered.

“Ah, Phoom, are you still awake?” Pharm shut off his phone and placed it behind him so he could focus on his brother. “Are you cold? I can get some more blankets for you?”

Phoom shook his head, “No...actually P’...I wanted to talk to you…”

Pharm sat up straight, listening intently, “What did you want to talk about?”

“Well…” Phoom played with his fingers nervously, “It’s about P’Dean.”

“P”Dean? What about him?”

“Pharm...do you trust him?”

Pharm smiled softly a dreamy look in his eyes, “I trust P’ more than anyone else in this world.”

“Even though he hurt you?”

Pharm frowned, furrowing his brows, “Phoom….What are you talking about? P’Dean has never hurt me.”

“He did though,” Phooms voice grew softer and he looked down, refusing to make eye contact as he felt the sharp prick;e of tears in his eyes, “That night….You remembered everything. If P’ hadn’t met you, maybe you wouldn’t have. Maybe you would have been fine.”

Pharm thought for a moment, “That’s a pretty big ‘Maybe’ Phoom. Maybe the memories wouldn’t have come back, yes.” Then he smiled, “But what if they did? Then I would have had all those bad memories, and no P’Dean.” He got up and sat next to his brother, pulling him in for a hug, “I know, that night was scary. For you and for mom. I’m sorry you guys had to see that,”

“But-”

“I know,” Pharm assured, “I know it wasn’t my fault. It was a lot of traumatic memories, things that I just couldn’t handle on my own. But luckily,” He nudged Phoom with a smirk, “I had P’Dean with me. He helped me out of that dark place, Phoom. He was hurting too, you know, and he stood by my side through it all. 

“And after everything that happened, he was always making sure I was ok. That I was keeping up with my appointments, that I was taking my medication,” Pharm laughed softly, “He became almost annoyingly careful with me. To the point that we had to talk about it.”

He rubbed his hand up and down Phoom’s arms, “Yes, our relationship isn’t perfect, and yes, we’ve suffered a lot for it. But we stuck together through it all. Know this, Phoom,” He raised a finger as if giving a lecture, “Nobodies relationship is perfect, but a relationship isn’t measured by the amount of pain you endure together, but by the amount of love you give. And Dean has given me more love than can possibly be measured.”

“Pharm?”

“Yes?”

“You really love him, don’t you?”

Pharm smiled, “More than anything, he’s more than just a boyfriend to me, he’s my forever.”

“Do you...do you think I’ll meet someone like Dean someday? Someone who loves me like you two love each other?”

Pharm shook his head, and flicked his brother’s forehead when the younger gave him a crestfallen look, “I don’t mean that you’ll never find love Phoom, but if you spend your life comparing your relationship to others, you’ll never find the relationship that works best for you .”

“Your brother’s right, Phoom.”

Both boys shot up, “You’re awake, mae?” Phoom asked, surprised.

Their mother smiled at them, opening her arms to them. Pharm felt like a little child, but he joined his brother on the small bed as his mother held them close to her.

“My boys, you are both so brave, so wonderful.” She kissed both their foreheads, “I am so proud of you both. When did you two get so smart?”

Phoom giggled, “Maeee, stop it!”

She laughed, tightening her arms around the two boys, “No can do, It’s my job as a mother to lay my love on thick.”

Laughing, the small family of three spent the night telling stories of childhood’s past and silly jokes, until all of them fell asleep, their mother’s arms still holding her children close.

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Pharm and Dean waved goodbye to Phoom and Mrs. Triwinij as the mother and son boarded their plane.

“I’m gonna miss them,” Pharm said with a sigh.

“You know, we can always take your mother’s advice and visit them in New York city.” Dean wriggled his eyebrow’s teasingly.

“P’Dean, don’t you start too!” Pharm chastised him, then, with a smile, he took hold of his boyfriend’s hand, “So, was it nice?”

Dean smiled back and nodded, “Mh, I had a really nice time talking with your mother,” he wrinkled his nose, “Though Phoom kept acting weird around me.”

Pharm waved a hand dismissively, “Just ignore it, he’s going through his ‘Angsty Teenager’ phase.”

“Hm, if you say so,” Dean pulled the smaller boy closer as they walked out into the parking lot and towards his car.

“So, now that your family’s gone, does this mean we get to spend our nights together again?”

“P’Dean!”

Chapter Text

“Del, be a dear and get the door, will you?” Her grandma asked, stirring the sour soup they were having with tonight’s family dinner. The scent filled the small home with a warm scent of familiarity and comfort.

“Of course!” Del responded, tripping over her feet as she ran towards the door and swung it open with a smile, “Hey Pharm, nice to see you again!”

Pharm grinned up at her, laughter sparkling in his eyes. Dean’s arm was swung over his shoulders, and in his arms he carried a plastic box of Thai desserts to share with the family.

Normally, family dinner was just that. For family only. But for reasons yet to be discovered (To all but a select few), Grandma insisted Pharm was part of the family, and invited him over every Sunday to join them. Del wasn’t complaining though, he always brought delicious desserts with him every time he visited.

“It’s nice to see you too, Del!” Pharm exclaimed as Del guided them into the house and led them to the kitchen where an old but still melodic voice sang along to an old song.

“Pharm, is that you sweetie?” Grandma came round the kitchen corner, her smile widening as she caught sight of the small boy, “Oh, Pharm, it’s so good to see you again,” She rushed forward and enveloped him in a warm hug as they laughed, age wrinkling her eyes. She then brought Pharm with her towards the stove to help finish dinner.

“You know, I’m here too,” Dean joked, though he was used to these strange hellos at this point, and wasn’t much hurt by it. Happy his boyfriend was so welcomed into his family.

“P’Dean, I swear, your boyfriend is closer with Grandma than any of us at this point. I think she even put him in her will.”

Dean smiled as if he knew something Del did not, “I wouldn’t be surprised.”

Eventually, dinner was ready, and the family, minus their parents as they were out of town again, sat down to enjoy.

“Here dear,” Grandma said, giving Pharm an extra helping of the sour soup, “I made your favorite tonight.”

Pharm gave her a sweet smile, “Thank you, Grandma, I’m sure it’s just as delicious as always.”

“Grandma,” Don asked, “How do you know Nong Pharm’s favorite food? I didn’t think P’ had brought him over that often.”

Dean smirked at his brother, “Is somebody jealous?”

“N-no! Of course not!”

Pharm shook his head and smiled at Don, “Don’t worry, next time we meet for dinner, I’ll bring those floral desserts you like so much.”

Don perked up immediately “Chor muang?”, Pharm nodded and Don pumped his fist in celebration of the much awaited dessert.

“Today, however,” Dean interrupted with a sly smile on his face, reaching under the table to grasp Pharm’s, “We brought over my favorite.”

Pharm nodded and turned to Grandma, “I brought over some more leum kluen, I remembered some of the tips you gave me last time and tried them out.”

Grandma clapped her hands, “Oh, that sounds absolutely delightful In! I cannot wait to try them!”

Dean and Pharm froze at the name, and Grandma quickly threw her hand over her mouth, “Oh, I am so sorry Pharm, it’s just so hard sometimes to forget that he’s not here anymore.”

Don and Del looked at each other, confused. “Grandma,” Del asked, “Who is In?”

The elderly woman simply laughed nervously and leaned over the table to place a spoonful of shrimp in the girls mouth, “Nothing to worry about my dear, simply my old mind acting up.” She glanced back apologetically at Pharm, who gave her a soft smile to show all was forgiven.

“Actually…” Dean looked over at Pharm, who nodded at him, and the older boy continued, “Pharm and I have decided to tell our families exactly what’s been going on with Korn and In, and what happened that night Pharm was sent to the hospital.”

Grandma gasped as tears sprung to her eyes, “Oh, Dean, you know, you aren’t obligated to tell us if it’s too much for the two of you.”

Pharm shook his head, “No, recent events have taught us that...this is something we need to discuss with our loved ones. It’s alright.”

The old woman nodded and smiled at the two boys, “Well, if you’re sure about it.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Don turned his head back and forth between the couple and Grandma, “In and Korn? Who are they? What have you guys not been telling us?” , Del nodded her agreement, still chewing on the large spoonful of soup that had been thrust into her mouth.

Dean took a deep breath, Pharm’s grip on his hand tightening, “Well, I’m Korn, and Pharm is In.”

Del swallowed hard, “What? What do you mean by that?”

“Er, it’s kind of hard to explain,” Pharm blushed, rubbing the back of his head, bashfully, “Let’s start with this, thirty years ago, a boy named In fell in love with a boy named Korn…”

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By the time the boys finished with their story, Del sat with tears in her eyes, hands over her open mouth. Don simply stared at his dinner, which had long gone cold, a blank look on his face.

“So, what,” Don asked, voice tight with emotion, “Are you saying that occasionally Pharm gets possessed by our dead great uncle and you become his dead lover? Is that it?”

“Well, not quite-”

“Why didn’t you say something sooner!” Dell wailed, “I could have helped you! All those nightmares and awful moments, you suffered them all alone!”

“Dell, it’s okay-”

“No!” Don shouted, face growing red, “No, it’s not okay. Listen, I know we were never really close as children, but I thought we were over that! We’re you’re family, you should have told us this sooner.” He slammed his spoon on the table with a low growl, “Pardon me for a moment, I need to get some air.” He shoved his chair back hard, toppling it to the ground, and stomped away.

Del, meanwhile, carefully stood up and walked over to her brother, enveloping him in a warm hug, “I wish you had told us sooner so we could have helped, but thank you for at least telling us now. I’m so sorry.”

Dean buried himself into his sister’s warmth, tears of his own prickling in his eyes. “Thank you, Del.”

She chuckled wetly, “Of course, what are sister’s for?”

Pharm smiled at the heartwarming scene before him, then cast a worried glance out the door of which Don had walked out of. Grandma patted his back, “It’s alright,” she whispered, “We just need to give him some time, he’s probably feeling guilty he couldn’t have helped his brother out more, I know the feeling all too well.” Her gaze saddened as she looked into eyes so different yet all too familiar.

Pharm frowned, “Grandma, what happened to In wasn’t your fault.”

The old woman gave him a sad smile, “Maybe not directly, but I wasn’t there for him, not like I should have been. And I regret that every day of life.”

 “Grandma…” Tears welled up in his eyes as he moved in to hug her, “You were there for me in all the ways that mattered.”

The four sat and cried, and when Don walked in, tears of his own streaming down his face, they welcomed him into the warm embrace.

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When the time came to speak to Dean’s parents, all three siblings and one boyfriend were a bundle of nerves.

Pharm had only met P’Dean’s parents a handful of times, work keeping them far away and busy quite frequently. He worried what they might think, that their son was possibly married to a maniac was one thought that ravaged his brain.

But, when the family finally sat down and the story was told, only warm hugs and tears were shared, much like the reveal with Del and Don.

“Well, that went much better than I expected.” Dean breathed out a sigh of relief as he and Pharm entered their apartment.

Pharm nodded, “I’m so glad they didn’t just decide I was crazy,” He laughed.

Dean raised an eyebrow, “Who’s to say you aren’t?”

“P’Deeean!”

“Not super crazy! Just a little bit! Don’t worry,” He winked, “I find it very sexy of you to be a little bit crazy.”

“P’Dean!”

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop.” he smiled down at his boyfriend, who’s face had grown red, “I’m glad too.” He whispered, “It’s nice, you know, knowing that they know.”

Pharm smiled back, standing on his tippy toes to give Dean a small eskimo kiss, “Mmm, it is, isn’t it.”

“Well, my crazy lover, what do you say to a nice, quiet night of cuddling?”

“You’re the crazy one if you think you’re getting any cuddles after calling me that.”

“Phaaaarm!”