Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Visiting Vanessa’s dad’s house is always an experience, to say the least. Vanessa always tries to herd her away before her dad can embarrass her -- a tactic Candace has used around her brothers more times than she can count -- but it rarely works. Today, for instance, as they were sneaking off to Vanessa’s room, Dr. Doofenshmirtz mentions that he’s working on a “melt-inator,” to get revenge on the local ice cream man. Candace has to admit, she’s a little disappointed that Vanessa drags her away before she can learn what the ice cream man did to him.

Much like the rest of the building, Vanessa’s room is very bland, but she makes the most of it. It must be the punk in her, Candace reasons, because she would never be able to turn this dark purple room into anything livable. She mentions it, just an off-hand comment as they’re pulling their schoolwork out -- who would have thought they’d share a biology class? -- that doesn’t warrant much of a response, but she gets one anyway.

“You think this is bad? You should see Norm’s room,” Vanessa says with a snort. “It’s basically a glorified closet.”

“Norm?” Candace raises an eyebrow. “I didn’t know you had a brother.”

“He’s a robot,” Vanessa says casually, like living with a robot is completely normal. Although, Candace reasons, living with someone as eccentric as her father, it probably is. After that mess with the do-over-inator, she wouldn’t put anything past him.

“Right, naturally,” Candace mutters. “Alright, let’s get to work.”

“Can I just point out,” Vanessa remarks, “that we are in high school, and we were assigned partners just to put together and color a poster board?”

Candace shrugs. “Beats putting in actual effort.”

She pulls out her pencil case and rifles through it -- taking a moment to admire the number of full and sharp pencils she has, because she knows it won’t last long -- to find her markers. She and Vanessa came to the conclusion in class that drawing straight on the board in marker would be the quickest way to get this assignment over with, because she has an internship to get to, and Candace has a date with Jeremy. Unfortunately, despite her best effort, the markers are nowhere to be seen.

Vanessa stands up and makes her way to the closet without being asked. “I’m sure I have some markers up here somewhere from my old art phase.”

Candace watches warily as Vanessa climbs up on an old, rickety stool to rummage through her closet. Though Vanessa herself doesn’t fall, digging through a shelf that’s likely been undisturbed for years doesn’t end without consequences, and a picture frame tumbles to the floor.

“I got it,” Candace says, already on her way to pick it up. The frame itself is still intact, though the glass covering the picture can’t say the same. She grabs the picture and holds it up to her friend, but it catches her eye and she pauses at the last moment to look.

The little girl in the blue tutu, no matter how out-of-character it looks, is unmistakably a young Vanessa. Though her sparkly wings and magic wand would give off a different impression, she’s obviously miserable. Her dad, on the other hand, is beaming with pride with his little ballerina.

“You were such a cute kid,” Candace remarks.

Vanessa takes the picture back to look at it. “God, I forgot I even had this.” She slides the picture out, and another one, previously hidden behind the first, takes its place. “I was never big on ballet, but I used to love tap class.”

She turns the picture frame around to reveal another photo of a young Vanessa, this time in a red sparkly dress and tap shoes. This photo is with her mom, and while they’re both smiling, Vanessa doesn’t seem to be enjoying herself.

“You didn’t look very happy,” Candace says, handing the picture back.

“Yeah, well, my dad’s a pretty shitty audience member,” Vanessa says with a shrug. “He’s the reason I stopped taking dance lessons in the first place.” She looks down at the photo for a few moments. “Sometimes I regret it, because the classes themselves were really fun, but what can you do, right?”

“You should take tap classes this year,” Candace suggests. “I’m sure they have lessons for teens. And it’s still the beginning of the year; worst comes to worst, you missed the first few weeks.”

Vanessa shakes her head. “I don’t think so. My dancing days are long over.” She puts the ballet picture back on top of the tap photo and places the broken frame back on her shelf. “Ah, here we go. Markers.” She pulls a box of markers out and climbs down off the stool.

“Should we clean up the glass?” Candace asks warily.

“Nah, I’ll have Norm take care of it when we’re done,” she says. “Perks of having a robot ‘brother.’”

Candace and Vanessa both sit on the floor, a large white poster board in between them. They begin discussing specifics, where they’re drawing each part of their cell and how they’re going to label them. It’s not very entertaining, but as far as projects go, it’s fairly uncomplicated.

There’s a loud BAM from the lab Dr. Doofenshmirtz spends most of his time in, and Candace jumps to her feet. Is he okay? Did the melt-inator somehow blow up? What’s going on?

“You know,” Dr. Doofenshmirtz says, his voice coming out muffled through the wall that separates them, “I gave you a key for a reason, Perry the Platypus.”

Candace scoffs. “Perry?” What’s he doing here? And what use could he possibly have for a key?

Vanessa gets up and grabs her arm before she can go anywhere. “Not your Perry. I mean, your Perry doesn’t do much, right? So he’s not -- it’s -- you know what?” Vanessa cuts past her and stands in front of the door. “I was thinking, and maybe you were right. Maybe I should pick up tap again.”

“Uh… yeah…” Candace raises an eyebrow. “Should we go check on your dad?”

“Oh, no, he’s fine,” Vanessa assures him. “He gets blown up all the time, so whatever’s going on right now, he’ll be fine. We, on the other hand, probably would not.”

“So you have no idea what that noise was, and you’re not even the littlest bit curious?” Candace says skeptically.

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned from living with my dad, it’s that you don’t check out loud noises in the lab,” Vanessa replies. “Now, about that tap class --”

“I really, really think we should go make sure he’s okay,” Candace insists.

Vanessa pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs. “Look, he’s just having a bit of an ‘evil relapse,’ and someone showed up to stop him from melting a bunch of kids’ ice creams or whatever. To protect what little dignity I have left, I’m gonna make an executive decision and say that no one leaves this room until my dad is done getting his ass handed to him by a two-foot-tall platypus.”

Candace stares at her. “That’s a sentence I never thought I’d hear.”

“At this point in my life, every sentence is a sentence I expect to hear,” Vanessa replies. “Now let’s get back to work.”

And work they do, to the soundtrack of many off-topic conversations. They discuss everything from their new classes to their families -- Vanessa seems mostly interested in Ferb, and Candace has a lot of questions about her robot brother -- just to kill the time, making their project a little more bearable.

“So,” Candace says, “are you really thinking about taking tap classes again?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Vanessa says. “I mean, it’s been, like, ten years since the last time I tried dancing -- like, real dancing. And I don’t really want a repeat of last recital…” She shudders at the thought.

“Personally, I think it would be worth it,” Candace says. “I mean, you get to make music with your feet. What more could you ask for?”

“Eh…”

“You enjoyed it as a kid,” Candace reminds her. “I bet you’d enjoy it now, too.”

“I don’t know…” Vanessa purses her lips together as she thinks. “Tell you what. I’ll do it, but only if you do it with me.”

“No way,” Candace says immediately. “I am not a tapper.”

“But I don’t want to do it alone,” Vanessa whines. “Come on, it’ll be fun! We can go for, like, one class, just to try it out.”

“I don’t think so,” Candace says.

“I’ll give you all the answers to the bio homework for a week,” Vanessa offers.

“Well…” There are about a million things she’d rather be doing with her life than homework, she has to admit.

“Two weeks,” Vanessa says, upping the ante.

Candace hesitates, then sighs. “Alright, fine. But just for one class.”

Chapter Text

Vanessa loves her dad. She really does. But she cannot overstate how relieved she is that her mother offers to drive her and Candace to their first -- and probably last -- dance class. She’d like to keep her dad as far away from her friends as she can, and sitting in a car with Candace and her father for ten minutes would have been unbearable. He’s already made it very clear that he’s excited that she’s started dancing again, despite her reminding him repeatedly that it’s likely a one-time thing, and she’s sure he wouldn’t be able to shut up about it.

Candace assured her friend that she would be waiting at the door, and that Vanessa wouldn’t even have time to step out of her car. That’s why, when they’re still sitting outside the Flynn-Fletchers’ house two minutes after their scheduled pick-up time, Vanessa’s almost hesitant to go inside. She’s used her fair share of excuses to keep people from meeting her family -- hell, she only pretended she wanted to start dancing again because she thought it would distract Candace from Perry, because she’s come to the conclusion in recent weeks that Perry lives with her and she has no idea he’s a secret agent -- so she tends to know when to stay away. But at the same time, she’s anxious to get to the studio, and they’re cutting it pretty close.

Vanessa hops out of the car and heads to the front door. Before she rings the doorbell, she can hear Phineas’s voice ringing through the house, though she can’t make out the words. If Phineas is around, Ferb must be, too, right? She’s not sure what it is about that kid, but she’s always liked him. There’s something about him…

She’s pulled from her thoughts when Mrs. Flynn opens the door. Vanessa’s only ever seen her in passing, but she’s always seemed like a nice person. Then again, people could probably say the same about her father, so she likes to avoid making those types of judgements.

“You must be Vanessa,” Mrs. Flynn says with a smile. “Come on in. Candace is just looking for her shoe.”

“Thanks.” She steps inside, and Mrs. Flynn closes the door behind her. It hadn’t occurred to her until now, but she’s not sure she’s ever been here. She’s been to the backyard, of course -- everyone in Danville has been to the Flynn-Fletchers’ backyard before -- but never the house itself. It’s weird, considering the number of times Candace has been to her dad’s place.

Just as Vanessa had expected, there’s a platypus in the kitchen. Candace mentioned her platypus before, during one of the stupid “ice breakers” their biology teacher seems to love, and it doesn’t take a genius to connect the dots. There can’t be too many platypuses named Perry in the tri-state area, after all.

Vanessa crouches down and holds out a hand, as if he were a cat. “Hey, buddy.”

Perry just chatters. She has to admit, he puts on a very convincing facade. It almost has her wondering if this really is Agent P, but, she reasons, the odds of him being a different Perry the Platypus are slim to none.

“Oh, that’s Perry,” Mrs. Flynn says. “You can stay there all day, but unless you’re Phineas or Ferb, he doesn’t tend to move for anybody.”

“Really?”

“It’s like Phineas always says: ‘He’s a platypus. They don’t do much.’” She bends over to pet him for a moment, adding, “But we love him anyways.”

“He seems very sweet,” Vanessa says, watching closely for any signs that he recognizes and understands her. She doesn’t get any. Wow, this guy is good.

“Oh, he is,” Mrs. Flynn says. She picks him up and carries him over. “Do you want to hold him? He doesn’t bite.”

“Sure!”

Mrs. Flynn hands him to her, and she holds him carefully, supporting his butt with one hand and letting him lean his stomach against her chest. It’s sort of like how Mrs. Flynn held him, and she hopes she’s doing this right. Mrs. Flynn doesn’t seem concerned, so she’ll take that as a good sign.

“Candace, honey!” Mrs. Flynn calls out. “Your friend is here!”

“Gimme a minute!” Candace yells from somewhere in the house.

Vanessa uses her mostly-free hand to scratch at the fur on Perry’s back, cooing, “Who’s a good little platypus? Who’s a good little platypus?”

Perry chatters.

Vanessa decides to up her game a little bit. “You’re such a cute little platypus, aren’t you? Aren’t you, buddy?” She rubs her nose against his beak like little eskimo kisses, but he still doesn’t react.

“I’m glad you guys seem to get along well,” Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher says. “Candace isn’t always the nicest to him, so I’d just assumed she would have scared you away from him.”

“Oh, no, of course not!” Vanessa says. “I love platypuses!” In her Pet Voice, she tells Perry, “And they love me too, don’t they? Oh, yes, you love me, too!” She cranes her neck down and presses a kiss to the top of his head.

Perry must finally decide he’s had enough, because he snaps at her face with his bill. It’s not close enough to touch her, and certainly not intended to hurt, but it’s enough of a reaction that she’s satisfied. She’s going to get such an earful tomorrow at OWCA headquarters -- though, knowing Agent P. like she does, it’s probably going to come in the form of a few glares until he knows he’s gotten his point across. That’s Perry for you: silent but sassy.

“Alright, buddy, here ya go.” Vanessa puts him back on the ground.

Candace takes that moment to step into view, and she immediately shoots a glare at the platypus. “Get him away before he gets his stupid fur all over us.”

“No, he’s fine, don’t worry,” Vanessa says. “You ready to go?”

“No,” she groans. “I can’t find my left tap shoe anywhere.”

“Want me to help look for it?” Vanessa asks.

“I wouldn’t even know where to tell you to begin,” Candace says. “I swear, I’ve looked everywhere. They were in my room this morning, and I told the boys not to touch them. They swear didn’t, but…”

“Honey, you can’t blame everything on the boys,” Mrs. Flynn says. “Maybe they have some at the studio you can borrow. And if not, you can probably go barefoot. I mean, it’s just one day, right?”

“I know, but --”

“Where are Perry’s favorite hiding spots?” Vanessa interrupts.

“I have no idea,” Candace says.

“Under things, usually,” Linda says. “Like, every time there’s a thunderstorm, he hides in the boys’ closet until it’s over. He has since he was a baby.”

“Oh, that’s adorable,” Vanessa gushes. Maybe “Fearless” Agent P. isn’t so fearless after all. To Candace, she asks, “Have you checked the boys’ closet yet?”

“What, you think Perry took it?” Candace scoffs. “He might be a pain, but I don’t think he has that type of motivation.”

As if to demonstrate, he chatters, drawing attention to how mindlessly unintelligent he looks.

“It can’t hurt to check, can it?” They’re cutting it really close to class time as it is, so at this point, she’s willing to try anything.

Candace sighs. “I guess not. Come on, let’s look.”

Vanessa’s almost hesitant to follow her, but Candace grabs her arm and drags her away before she can protest. They climb up the stairs, and Vanessa pauses when Candace gets to Phineas and Ferb’s room. She doesn’t want to intrude on anything, and she personally wouldn’t want a virtual stranger looking in her room.

Candace doesn’t have a problem with it, and she bursts in the room with a “Move, losers; I’m looking in your closet.”

“Still haven’t found your shoes?” Phineas guesses.

“Nope, but…”

Vanessa waits for her to continue, but her train of thought ends there. Curious, she pokes her head around the corner, where Candace is already halfway inside the closet. Vanessa’s gaze drifts to the boys, both of whom are lying on the floor and doing some type of work, though if it’s homework or just for fun, she doesn’t even venture a guess.

“Hi, Vanessa!” Phineas says with a smile.

“Hey, Phineas,” Vanessa replies. Because it would be weird not to, she tacks on a, “Hi, Ferb,” to the end.

Ferb just waves.

What is it about that kid…

“Oh, what do you know?” Candace steps back, tap shoe in hand. “I guess Perry did take it.”

Why Perry stole Candace’s tap shoe, Vanessa does not know, but she’s glad they figured it out. They have to run -- they can’t be late to their first day of tap class, after all -- but she makes a mental note to ask him next time they run into each other at OWCA. He tends to be strictly business there, so she can’t guarantee she’ll get an answer, but come on. He can’t just steal his owner’s tap shoes and not explain.

But enough of that. They have a class to get to.

Chapter Text

“We are surrounded by literal children.”

When they’d seen a class labeled “Level One Tap for Teens,” they had expected… well, teens. Practically adults, like them. But half of these kids have to be in middle school -- and, to make matters worse, they already seem to know each other. Candace is already starting to feel like an outsider, and she’s just gotten there.

Vanessa elbows her gently. “Hey, cheer up. Have you ever talked to a 12-year-old? They’re like high schoolers, but without the drama.”

Candace raises an eyebrow, but if Vanessa’s determined to enjoy this, she won’t complain. This is earning her two weeks of no bio homework, after all, and she gets a lot of bio homework. She’ll take whatever relief she can get.

The girls stand in the back of the studio for their warm up, trying to hide behind the children half a foot shorter than them. At this point, Candace even notices Vanessa looking wary about it, though she does her best to hide that when she sees Candace looking at her. Maybe Vanessa’s not as enthusiastic about this class as she let on.

But by the end of the warm up, Candace is living her best life. She may have no idea what she’s doing, but she’s having fun doing it. She blames that mostly on the teacher playing “Ready For The Bettys,” and it takes all her self control not to squeal, because not only is it the Bettys, but she helped them write it, too.

When the warm up is over, she glances at Vanessa, ready to share her new-found love of tap. Instead, Vanessa’s standing with her arms crossed and stone-faced. Apparently, Candace is the only one enjoying herself right now, so she shuts up. Or maybe it’s just her signature resting bitch face. It’s worth an inquiry.

“So?” Candace asks. “How was that?”

“A lot like I remember it,” Vanessa says. “I guess I had a different idea of ‘fun’ six years ago.”

Candace frowns. She really is the only one of them enjoying it, huh?

After warmups, they start working in center. They learn a few new moves, and, for the most part, Candace follows along fairly well. She has a pretty good idea of what she’s doing, and she enjoys doing it. She would never admit it to Vanessa, who clearly doesn’t agree, but she can’t lie to herself.

It gets a little more complicated towards the end of class, when the teacher decides to combine steps into an up-the-floor routine. Logically, Candace knows what all the steps are, and she can remember what order she’s supposed to do them in, but when it comes time to actually do it, she’s completely lost.

The class splits up, two people dancing up the floor at a time while the rest wait in the back. Everyone else is so calm and collected, waiting for their chance to go, but Candace is standing in the back of the crowd and desperately trying to figure it out. It shouldn’t be this hard -- it’s just shuffles and flaps, and neither step is difficult -- but she can’t do it.

But if she’s going down, she’s not going down alone.

She and Vanessa are the last two to go, and Candace can only assume Vanessa stayed back on purpose, too. They’re in this together, down to the last failure. Candace takes a deep breath and waits for the teacher to count her in.

“5, 6, 7, 8!”

Candace tries. She really does. But, in the end, she gets the first step and that’s it. To add insult to injury, Vanessa doesn’t struggle with it at all -- she’s smiling as she taps away, probably hitting every step perfectly, not that Candace would know. Candace does her best to copy her, but her eyes and her feet don’t tend to work together.

“Candace, try slowing it down,” the teacher says, already on her way to show her the slow way once again.

So Candace tries it again, this time at half speed, and it’s easy. It’s embarrassing as hell because no one else had this problem, but it’s easy nonetheless.

“Now try speeding it up,” the teacher says.

So Candace tries speeding it up, but even with the teacher saying the steps and doing it by her side, she can’t get it. God, tap is so stupid. Why did she even let Vanessa talk her into this? This was not worth two weeks of no biology homework.

“We’re out of time now,” the teacher says, “but we’ll work on this again next week.”

Candace rolls her eyes. Maybe they will, because they’re already perfect and there’s nothing that could possibly go wrong for them, but she’s certainly not putting herself through this again. Goodbye, tap shoes; hello stay-at-home Thursday nights.

Chapter Text

“That was so much fun,” Vanessa gushes as soon as they’re in the car. “Thank you so much for coming with me. I think I have a new favorite hobby now.”

“Really?” Candace says dubiously.

“Yeah, totally,” she says. “I can’t wait for next week!”

Candace raises an eyebrow. “I think you’re gonna have to go solo on that one.”

Vanessa frowns. She really thought Candace was enjoying it. Hell, she spent most of class thinking she was going to have to break the news that she wasn’t coming back. It wasn’t until that last combination that it really dawned on her that tap can be really fun. She can only assume they’re going to be getting into more of the quicker-pace stuff from now on, and that’s what keeps her interested.

Wait a second…

“Are you just upset about that last combo?” Vanessa asks. “I mean, I know it wasn’t easy, but come on. You’ll get better! That’s what practice is for!”

“No, I really think I’m just destined to be a horrible tapper for the rest of my life.”

Vanessa scoffs. “Okay, you and I are gonna get together this weekend and tap, whether you like it or not.”

“Vanessa --”

“I mean it,” she insists. “You, me, Saturday at noon.”

“Eh…”

“You have to!” Vanessa taps her mom on the shoulder. “Mom, tell her she has to come.”

“You should check with you dad first, sweetie,” Charlene says.

Vanessa frowns. Damn, it is his weekend, isn’t it? Her mom has some sort of conference or whatever is it she does, and she’s doubling down with her dad. It’s not like she can put it off a week, though -- she only has until next Thursday to convince her friend to stay in the class, after all. She’s just going to have to drag Candace back to Doofenshmirtz Incorporated, isn’t she?

“Candace, I’ll get back to you tomorrow,” Vanessa says. “But I’m going to teach you that combo. I don’t care if we do it in the middle of the school cafeteria.”

Candace shudders. “Yeah, no, I could do without that.”

Vanessa has no intention to force her to tap in the middle of the school cafeteria, especially because she has a reputation to uphold, too, but she's not going to let Candace in on that. She really wants to come back to this tap class, but it won't be the same if she goes alone. If convincing Candace that she'll tap at school is what it takes, then so be it.

“Then my dad’s place, Saturday at noon?” Vanessa asks. “I’m assuming he’ll say yes. He usually does.”

Stacy groans. “Fine. Saturday it is.”

Vanessa pumps her fist victoriously. Maybe there’s hope for them yet.

~~

It doesn’t occur to her until they’re dropping Candace off at her house that there may be another issue she hadn’t thought of yet. When her friend opens the front door, Perry’s face pokes out from behind her legs. It’s weird to see him in his natural habitat, which only confirms her fear that if Candace saw him, there would be some problems. As far as she knows, she’s the only one who gets to see him as an agent and a pet, and she wouldn’t wish that confusion on anyone.

When Vanessa gets home, the first thing she does -- after reluctantly putting her tap shoes away and taking a much-needed shower -- is call her dad. It’s always interesting to call her dad on weeks that she spends with her mother, because he doesn’t tend to stick with a consistent sleeping schedule and she never knows when he’s going to be awake.

She gets lucky this time, and her dad picks up the phone on the last ring. He was probably working on something stupid. That’s usually how it goes with him. He may not be evil, but he’s still a scientist, after all.

“Vanessa, sweetie!” her father says, and she can hear his smile in his voice. “What’s up? Is everything okay? Are you excited for this weekend?”

“Uh, yeah, about that,” Vanessa says. “You’re not expecting Perry over on Saturday, are you?”

“Not that I know of?” Heinz says uncertainly. “I mean, he doesn’t usually call before he shows up, what with not being able to speak and all. If you need to get ahold of him, Major Monobrow’s probably your best bet.”

“No, no, it’s all good,” Vanessa assures him. “I was just wondering if I could have a friend over on Saturday -- you know, to practice tapping -- and I feel like it would just get really loud if we were tapping and Perry was doing whatever it is Perry usually does.” That’s a good cover story, right? Because explaining that Perry has a host family… well, her dad wouldn’t quite understand that. Even if he knew to keep it a secret, he rambles so much, he’d definitely accidentally run his mouth.

“Who’re you having over?” Heinz asks. “It’s not Mini Monobrow, is it? Because --”

“No, dad, it’s not Monty,” Vanessa says. “It’s Candace -- you know, the girl I went to tap class with today? Thus the whole ‘invite her over to tap with me’ thing?”

“Oh yeah! Yeah, sure, she can come over.”

“Thanks, Dad!” Vanessa says, beaming. “You’re the best!”

“Of course, sweetie,” Heinz says. “Anything for you.”

That night, Vanessa goes to bed with the biggest smile on her face. She forgot how much she used to love dancing. She just hopes no one ruins it for her. Not again.

~~

Candace always beats Vanessa to biology class. Vanessa’s never cared much about that either way, but today, she’s grateful. If she had to wait any longer to tell Candace the good news, she would flip out. Sure, she could have texted, but it’s harder to say no to your friend’s face, and Vanessa is going to use that to her advantage.

As soon as Vanessa drops her backpack on the ground and flings herself into her seat, she says, “My dad said you can come over tomorrow.”

Candace frowns. “I don’t know…”

“Come on, gimme half an hour,” Vanessa pleads. “It’s so much fun once you get the hang of it, I promise!”

“Eh…”

“And my dad’s not going to make anything that will result in any type of explosion or breaking of the doors or walls, so we’re totally safe,” Vanessa adds.

Candace can’t help but laugh at that. “Ah, man, but that’s always my favorite part!”

“God, don’t even joke about that!” Vanessa slaps her arm playfully. “As if my dad needs any more motivation to make his stupid machines.”

“Girl, I am right there with you,” Candace says. “I swear, putting your dad with my brothers would be a death sentence.”

Vanessa shudders at the thought. “Yeah, let’s not do that.” She likes the Flynn-Fletcher family. She’d put a lot of faith in Phineas and Ferb if the situation arose -- like the zombie pharmacist debacle, for instance. But in a perfect world, those kids and their impressionable minds will stay as far away from her formerly evil father as possible.

“Now that I think about it,” Candace says, “I’ll probably spend most of my weekend trying to bust the boys anyway, and we already know that’s not gonna work out. If I’m gonna be frustrated, I might as well be frustrated with a friend.”

“That’s the spirit!” Vanessa says with a grin. “Are you going to need a ride -- bearing in mind that my mom is going to be out of town, so you’d be stuck with me and my dad?”

“If worst comes to worst, I’ll take my bike,” she says. “Because with what you’ve told me about your dad’s track history, I’d half expect the car to blow up while we were in it.”

“That is an excellent choice,” Vanessa says with a laugh. “He does have a tendency to put unnecessary self destruct buttons on things.”

Candace gapes at her. “Don’t tell me he put one on his car.”

“I don’t know,” Vanessa says. “I don’t typically know about them until they explode.”

Candace shakes her head. “Okay, maybe my brothers aren’t the worst people to live with.”

Vanessa just laughs. She loves her dad, but Candace is right -- he is not an easy person to live with. If she hadn’t been dealing with this for most of her life, she’s not sure she would survive it. Fortunately, she’s well-versed in her dad’s brainless inventions and pointless self destruct buttons, and, in all honesty, she wouldn’t trade them for the world.

Chapter Text

“Mom!” Candace calls through the house Saturday morning. “Where are my tap shoes?”

Phineas pokes his head through the sliding glass door. “Mom’s out grocery shopping, and then she’s getting her hair done.”

“Of course she is, because how else would you two be able to tear up the house?” Candace mutters. “Hey, Phineas, have you seen my tap shoes?”

“I dunno.” Phineas shrugs. “Maybe Perry took ‘em again?”

“But they’re both gone this time,” Candace says. “Why would he take two shoes?”

“Why would I take two shoes?” Phineas counters.

Candace frowns. “Good point.”

“Feel free to check our closet again,” Phineas says. “And if you can’t find them, let us know. We’ve still got a few minutes ‘til the parts come in, anyway.”

Candace grimaces. Of course they’re building something. Why wouldn’t they be? It’s not like they’re now middle schoolers and should have work to be doing. And it’s not like Mom would be pissed if she saw this mess. And it’s not like they would be so busted if she could just get Mom home in time. Oh wait, they would be.

But that’s why she wanted to go tap with Vanessa. She wants to get her mind off whatever ridiculous thing the boys are doing, and she can’t do that if she’s sitting in the house all day. At the same time, though, she can’t tap if she doesn’t have those damn tap shoes.

Perry just happens to walk by at that moment, and he’s just the rodent Candace was looking for. She eyes him for a moment, and he just stands there, staring off into space like he always does.

“Perry, did you take my shoes?” Candace asks.

Perry walks away.

Candace scoffs. “This is why no one likes you, Perry.”

He nudges the sliding door open with his face and joins the boys outside like the stupid little rodent he is. God, he’s annoying.

Candace heads up the stairs and to the boys’ room. The place is usually clean, but today the floor is strewn with blueprints. If she could get one of these blueprints to her mom… Oh, forget it. She’d lose it or it would disappear or she’d get to her mom and end up being a different, harmless blueprint. The world has a grudge against her, and she’s got better things to do than let it taunt her.

She carefully steps over the blueprints and makes it to the closet, but, to her surprise, it’s empty, save a few articles of clothing that can’t go in their bureaus. So maybe Perry didn’t take them. She’d feel sorry for accusing him, but, to be fair, he’s a platypus. He doesn’t even know she was mad at him.

Candace marches back to the yard. “Phineas!”

All the little sixth graders look up from their plans when she slams the screen door open.

“No luck?” Phineas guesses.

“No, they’re nowhere,” Candace says. “I swear, it’s like they vanished -- you didn’t make a vanishing ray or anything yesterday, did you?”

“What? No!” Phineas says as if the idea were ridiculous. “We built the ice cream maker we were going to make over the summer -- and this time, Ferb brought back the right blueprints.”

Ferb shrugs.

“Yeah, well, I’m supposed to head to Vanessa’s in, like, ten minutes, and I need my tap shoes,” Candace says. “So, like, help.”

“Sure thing!” Phineas hops up and heads for the door. “Whoever finds Candace’s tap shoes gets to fly the plane!” “I hope I find them,” Isabella says. “I’d love to go back to Paris when we’re not afraid of getting stranded.”

“Dream on, lover girl,” Buford says. “I’m finding those shoes, whether you like it or not.”

Candace rolls her eyes. They can talk smack as much as they want as long as they get her the shoes. She really should have found them this morning, but she was so sure she left them in the closet. She wasn’t expecting it to take more than a minute to grab them.

Candace walks all around the house, looking for anywhere she might have put them by mistake. They’re not by the front door. They’re not in her room. They’re not by the bathroom, so she didn’t take them off right before her shower… God, where are they?

Her dad may be infamously oblivious to everything else, but he’s nothing if not dependable. Right on time, he pops into the kitchen, keys in hand, ready to drive her to Vanessa’s. When he sees her looking in all the cabinets -- yes, the cabinets; she’s getting desperate -- he gives her a puzzled look.

“Candace, honey, what are you doing?”

“I can’t find my tap shoes!” Candace says. “I can’t show up to Vanessa’s to tap without my tap shoes!”

“Don’t worry, dear,” Lawrence says, already walking away. “I know exactly where they are.”

“You do?” Candace runs after him. “Where are they? How did you know?”

Lawrence stops in the living room, where he kneels next to the couch and reaches an arm under. “I saw them somewhere down here, I just have to…”

“Why are they under the couch?” Candace asks.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Lawrence says. “Perry probably moved them. You know how he is.”

So she was right! Maybe her knee jerk reaction to always blame either the boys or Perry is more rational than she thought. She nudges her father out of the way and lies down on the floor. It takes a bit of stretching and she’s decently sure she pulled a muscle, but she manages to get the shoes out, and it’s off to Vanessa’s she goes.

~~

Candace is relieved to see when she gets to Vanessa’s place that her dad is not working on some device that will eventually blow up. Instead, he’s watching some foreign film or TV show, and, if the pile of tissues on the couch is any indication, it’s giving him a lot of feelings. Before she can even question it, Vanessa drags her away and into her room.

“Perry left your shoes for you this time?” Vanessa says teasingly.

“No, actually, he hid them under the couch this time,” Candace deadpans. “I think he has a grudge against these shoes, because he never touches my stuff. He knows that if he did, it would be the last thing he ever did.”

Vanessa laughs. “Perry’s such an interesting little guy.”

“No, he’s not,” Candace protests. “He’s an annoying little guy. He’s never been interesting a day in his life.”

“Right, my bad,” Vanessa says, an amused smile on her face. Candace rolls her eyes. She’s not sure what Vanessa sees in that thing, but if there’s one thing she’s learned from Phineas and Ferb, it’s that you can’t convince a Perry fan that he’s an idiot.

Vanessa was prepared, already sitting in bed with her tap shoes on, so Candace follows her lead, kicking her own shoes to the side and sliding her tap shoes on instead. Vanessa pulls out her laptop, and Candace sits down by her side, watching as the older girl pulls up YouTube.

“What song do you want?” Vanessa asks.

“‘Ready For The Bettys!’” Candace says without a moment of hesitation.

Vanessa stares at her. “You want to listen to the Bettys?”

Candace fiddles with her thumbs. Is that a bad thing? She’d just assumed that Vanessa would like the Bettys too, what with them being a rock band and all. Isn’t that her whole thing? Don’t punk girls like rock music?

“Hey, if that’s what you like, I won’t judge,” Vanessa says with a shrug, already typing it in the search bar.

“I mean, I gave them one of the lines, so…” Candace says awkwardly, trying to defend her choice without seeming too enthusiastic.

“Really?” Vanessa scoffs. “Wow, you’re good.”

Candace can’t help but smile.

“Now c’mon,” Vanessa says, grabbing her hand and pulling her to her feet. “Let’s dance!”

Candace stands behind her, watching her feet closely. Vanessa starts the combination, but her feet move too fast, she can’t even process what she’s looking at. It may look great and sound even better, but Candace has never been more confused in her life.

“Can you slow that down a little?” Candace asks warily.

“Yeah, no, of course,” Vanessa says. “I’m just really used to doing it fast -- I’ve literally been practicing all day -- so I have to figure out how to do it slowly again.”

Candace frowns. Of course Vanessa’s basically a tap goddess. She’s good at everything. Why did Candace let her drag her to this class? Now not only is Candace the only one who’s not good at it, but she’s the only one who doesn’t enjoy it, too. And Vanessa’s already made it clear that she doesn’t want to go back without Candace, which means Candace has to choose between making a fool of herself every week or letting Vanessa down.

“Alright, I got it,” Vanessa says. “So it goes like this -- and let me know if I’m going too fast or too slow for you.”

And now she feels like that one student in class who can’t understand anything the teacher says, no matter how many times she says it. This is just great.

But, not wanting to complain, Candace follows Vanessa’s lead. It’s not hard, but, then again, doing it slowly was never difficult to begin with. It was speeding the combination up that was the problem. She mentions that, and, like a good instructor, Vanessa speeds it up -- just, not as much as the tap teacher did. It takes a couple tries for her to do it confidently, but she figures it out.

“A little faster?” Vanessa suggests.

Candace grimaces. Here they go…

But she gets it. She can do it at this speed -- and, more importantly, she enjoys it at this speed. She could do this all day and never get bored. Maybe there’s something to this tap thing after all. It’s just more fun when you know what you’re doing.

“Wanna try it even faster?” Vanessa asks.

“I don’t know,” Candace says warily. They’re already going about as fast as they were in class, and she’s not sure her brain-to-foot connection is strong enough to speed it up even more.

“Come on, it’ll be fun!” Vanessa insists.

Candace hesitates, then sighs. “Alright, let’s try it out.”

Vanessa counts them in -- probably four times faster than the music warrants, though Candace doesn’t have enough of a grasp on time signatures to know for sure -- and they pick up the pace.

The first few times, Candace can’t keep up. She keeps trying to copy Vanessa’s feet or listen to her call out the steps, and it just doesn’t work. As soon as Candace starts chanting the steps to herself, though, she figures it out. It takes a few run throughs to get in sync, but, within a minute or so, their shoes hit the ground on all the same beats, and it really starts coming together.

“Isn’t this fun?” Vanessa calls over her shoulder.

“Yeah, you got me,” Candace says. “Maybe I will stick with the class.”

“Yes!” Vanessa grins. “I knew you’d come around.”

Chapter Text

Vanessa loves her OWCA internship. Sure, she has to keep quiet about every little bit of it, but it’s worth it. She gets to help the agents fight evil, she gets to read the most interesting reports, and, best of all, she sees Monty in passing all the time. Needless to say, she considers it the best use of her time.

But, for the first time since she started a few weeks ago, she doesn’t really want to go. She’s been having so much fun tapping around the house, improvising to see what makes the nicest sounds. She doesn’t want to put her tap shoes up for the night, even for work.

Unfortunately, she doesn’t have a choice. Carl has made it very clear that Major Monogram hates when people call out, and she doesn’t want to upset him, not when he’s still so wary of having her around. Between being the daughter of a former evil scientist and the girlfriend of his son, they have a fairly strained relationship as it is. She doesn’t want to make it any worse.

Vanessa slides her boots on and heads off to work. The first thing she does is swing by Perry’s cubicle, but, unsurprisingly, he’s not there. She’s beginning to wonder if Perry actively avoids spending time at the agency when he’s not forced to be here. Carl did mention on her first OWCA movie night that Perry’s the only agent that’s never been to one. He’s not a very social platypus, apparently.

When finding Perry doesn’t pan out, she heads to her own cubicle, where she finds a mountain of paperwork waiting for her. Most of her internship here tends to be going through the agents’ mission files and keeping up to date on the activities of evil scientists without a specific agent assigned to thwart them. Needless to say, it involves a lot of sitting.

Vanessa glances over her shoulder every few minutes. She was so distracted tapping at home that she forgot to text Monty to ask if he was working today, and it’s a bit late to text him now. Knowing her boyfriend like she does, she’s half expecting him to pop up behind her at any moment to scare her, and for the sake of her heart rate, she’d like to catch him before he does.

While she doesn’t find Monty, she does notice Perry walking by with a cup of coffee in one hand and a large file in a manilla folder in the other. When he realizes she noticed him, he speeds up, but Vanessa hops in front of him to stop him before he can leave.

“Whatcha got there?” she asks, eyeing his case file.

Perry holds it out to her. The classified stamp on the front is no surprise -- this whole organization is classified, for god’s sake -- but she definitely wasn’t expecting the name on the flap. Dr. Degeneracy? The last she heard of him, he was living a peaceful life in the Bahamas, content with the evil legacy he’d already left behind. If Perry’s reading his file -- if Perry willingly came into OWCA headquarters for his file -- he must have done something really bad. Perry doesn’t come here for just anyone.

“Oof, good luck with that,” Vanessa says. Dr. Degeneracy is not a good guy. But, then again, that’s why they gave him to Perry -- he’s the best they’ve got. “So, I heard you stole Candace’s tap shoes again yesterday.”

Perry snatches his folder back and tries to walk away. Obviously, Vanessa can’t let that happen, so she blocks him again,

“Seriously, Perry, what’s up with you and Candace’s shoes?” she asks. “Are you just mad that she’s tapping with me?”

Perry just shakes his head, and it would be reassuring if it wasn’t so frustrating. Sure, she’s glad she’s not the problem, but that just means she doesn’t know what the problem actually is, and she really wants to know what Perry has against Candace tapping.

“Come on, spill the beans,” Vanessa says. “Do you just try to make Candace’s life difficult?”

Perry rolls his eyes, which she assumes means that’s not the case, either.

“It’s going to bother me until I die if you don’t tell me, you know,” Vanessa says. “If it’s not me and it’s not her, what about Candace learning to tap is bugging you? Or is hiding shoes some type of subtle way of asserting your dominance or whatever?”

Perry throws his head back in exasperation and heads to Vanessa’s desk, where he puts down both the files and his coffee mug. He mimics Candace tapping -- which, from a platypus with webbed feet, is honestly hilarious -- and covers his ears dramatically.

Vanessa raises an eyebrow. “What does that even mean?”

“That someone’s being loud, I’m guessing.”

Vanessa looks over her shoulder just as Monty appears, and they share a brief kiss on the lips. They’re usually pretty good about keeping the PDAs to a minimum at work, but they can get away with a single kiss while Major Monogram is in his office. Perry sneaks under their legs and grabs his work.

“So, what are you guys talking about?” Monty asks. “Or, you know, pantomiming about, in Agent P’s case.”

“Perry keeps stealing Candace’s tap shoes, and I can’t figure out why,” Vanessa explains. “He said it’s not because he hates me and it’s not because he hates her, but that’s about all I’ve got.”

“Candace?” Monty repeats. “Host family Candace? What is it… Fletcher, right?” He looks down at Perry for confirmation, and Perry shakes his head.

“Flynn,” she corrects him. “Candace Flynn.”

“Right, Fletcher’s the boy,” Monty recalls, and Vanessa finds herself wondering just how many of the agents’ host families this guy knows off the top of his head. “Well, here, I got your answer for you. He thinks Candace’s tapping is too loud.”

Vanessa looks down at Perry, who nods. Huh. Monty’s good at this. She can’t wait until he’s old enough to take over OWCA, because she can only imagine the agents’ relief when their supervisor cares enough to not only listen to them, but to take the time to understand them. His dad could take some notes.

“I don’t get it, though,” Vanessa says, eyeing the platypus. “She taps at the studio. How is that too loud?”

Perry just shakes his head and walks away.

“I have a feeling she’s not just tapping at the studio.” Monty remarks.

“Huh.” She’s not sure how he got that from a head shake, but Monty knows him better than Vanessa does. She’ll have to take his word for it. “So, how are you doing, Monty?”

“Well, first of all, I am shocked that you would spend your time socializing instead of working,” Monty jokes. “Shame on you, Vanessa. This is a very professional environment, and --”

“There is one professional in this agency,” Vanessa interrupts, “and he’s a platypus.”

Monty laughs. “Yeah, I don’t know why the government is still funding us.”

“No one does,” Vanessa replies, heading back to her desk.

Monty joins her, casually leaning against the wall of her cubicle. “I can’t believe I had to find out that you’re dancing again by deciphering a platypus’s frustration.”

“Oh, right, sorry,” she says. “It was really a last-minute thing to keep Candace from running into Perry -- don’t even ask -- and I didn’t think it was gonna last. It turns out, I really like tap dancing, and I pretty much spent yesterday trying to convince her to stick it out with me. I would’ve told you that I succeeded, but, you know, I was tapping. A lot.”

“It’s all good,” Monty assures her. “I was just teasing you.”

Vanessa can’t help but smile.

“Is there going to be some sort of recital?” he asks.

“I think so, but I don’t know if I’ll do it,” Vanessa says. “I told you what happened last time I had a dance recital.”

“I know; that’s why I was going to be so proud and so impressed if you did have one,” he tells her. “And, for the record, if you’re given the option, I think you should do it. I would definitely want to watch.”

Vanessa smiles and turns her attention to her work. Monty presses a kiss to the top of her head before presumably the same. She’s not sure what it is Monty does here -- he’s given brief explanations, but, for the most part, it’s too classified for even an OWCA intern to know about. Or maybe it’s just that she can’t know about it. She wouldn’t be surprised if that’s Monogram’s mindset.

Vanessa reads through files for a while, making sure everything is intact. A lot of them are signed by none other than OWCA’s favorite, Agent P. He’s been really productive since her dad quit evil. OWCA should have paired her dad with someone else all along, because Perry’s basically taking a new evil scientist to prison every day at this point. Imagine the good he could have accomplished if they’d sent him after the big bads all along.

The knocking on her cubicle wall pulls her from the case file she was reading, much to her disappointment. She always enjoys reading about how Perry takes down the bad guys, but that will have to wait. She looks up to see Carl standing beside her, his hands clasped in front of him.

“What’s up, Carl?” Vanessa asks. He tends to be too focused on pleasing the Major to show up for a social call.

“Major Monogram wants to see you,” Carl tells her.

“What? Why?” Vanessa asks.

“I don’t know,” Carl says. “He just asked me to go get you.”

“Okay…?”

Vanessa follows Carl to Monogram’s office. She’s only been there once, just to finish the internship paperwork on her first day. It wasn’t long after that when Monogram caught whiff of her relationship with Monty, and since then, they’ve essentially done their best to stay out of each other’s way. If Monogram is calling her in specifically… well, it doesn’t bode well for her internship or her relationship.

Carl opens the door, holding it open for her to walk in. She expects him to stay, but all he does is whisper a “Good luck,” before closing the door. Vanessa tries her hardest to hide her disappointment and her nerves and she heads to Monogram’s desk.

Monogram gestures to the chair across from him. “Take a seat.”

Vanessa does as she’s told. “Am I in trouble for something?”

“Well…”

That doesn’t bode well, either.

“We’ve gotten word that you’ve been spending a lot of time with one of the agents’ host families,” Monogram says.

Vanessa scoffs. “Don’t tell me Perry tattled on me.” He may only be, like, six, but he’s supposed to have the emotional maturity of a 30-year-old.

“Um… no?” Monogram says uncertainly. “Why would Agent P ‘tattle’ on you?”

“I think he’s mad at me because -- you know what? Never mind that.” Vanessa laughs awkwardly. She doesn’t need to get into details about why Monogram’s best agent doesn’t seem to like her at the moment. “I’m assuming you’re talking about me and Candace Flynn, right?”

“Not just her, but the entire Flynn-Fletcher family as well,” Monogram says. “I take it you’re aware that they’re Agent P’s host family?”

“Well, yeah, but Candace and I have been friends since before I found out,” Vanessa says. “I mean, we go to school together, I sit next to her in bio. I didn’t even know she had a pet platypus until a couple weeks ago.”

“And, ordinarily, we’d let that slide,” Monogram says. “But Agent P’s host family has had a lot of close calls. Those are some very curious and very nosy kids, and we can’t risk them learning about this operation.”

“I know,” Vanessa says. “I know the rules, and I’m not going to tell them anything. She'd get a lot more suspicious if I dropped out of her life, especially after working so hard to convince her to take a dance class with me."

Monogram stares at her. "You're taking a dance class?"

Vanessa's brows draw together. "Um… yes? Is that a problem?"

"Well, no, not really," Monogram says. "It just… it doesn't seem like something you'd want to do."

Vanessa lets out a short laugh. "Major Monogram, if you think I'm more likely to divulge top secret government information than I am to take a tap class, you clearly don't know me very well."

Monogram purses his lips but doesn’t speak right away.

“Look, I like Perry,” Candace says. “He was pretty much my dad’s only friend all summer, you know? And, more importantly, I like Perry's host family. If anything happened to him, the boys would be crushed, and I’d never forgive myself if it was my fault. Trust me, I’m not going to tell them anything.”

“Even if you didn’t,” Monogram says tentatively, “your father --”

“I told Candace about my robot brother, and she didn’t bat an eye,” Vanessa says. “My dad said he was going to use his ‘melt-inator’ to get revenge on the ice cream man, and she didn’t even flinch. I promise, anything my dad does, she’s seen weirder in her own backyard, and I’ve already made sure she knows he’s basically insane. She’s not going to care.”

“And what about this internship?” Monogram asks. “What does she know --"

“Just that I got an internship with my boyfriend,” Vanessa says -- which, for the record, is very awkward when you’re talking to your boss, who also happens to be your boyfriend’s dad. “It’s Candace; she’s done stupider things over just a crush. She’s not even going to question it.”

“And you’re absolutely sure you can keep this from her?” Monogram asks. “From all of them?”

“Of course I can,” Vanessa says. “Don’t even worry about it.” Keeping secrets is second nature to her at this point.

“I’m going to take your word for it,” Monogram says, “but if --”

“If I slip up, it’s on my head,” Vanessa finishes for him. “I know. I promise, I’ll look out for the agency.”

Monogram hesitates, then sighs. “Okay, but I’m holding you to that. You’re putting more than your internship on the line for this.”

“I know.” Vanessa forces a smile. “Is that all?”

Monogram gestures for her to go, and she’s never been so grateful to be dismissed. She nods once before getting up and walking away, and it’s not until she’s outside that she lets out a long breath. She has to be honest; she did not see this coming. But she’ll defend Perry’s identity no matter the cost, for Phineas and Ferb’s sakes more than anyone else’s. But she’s not going to ruin her friendship over it if she doesn’t have to, and right now, it looks like she doesn’t.

Chapter Text

Candace has a very interesting week. Evil pistachion monsters try to take over the tri-state area, and Phineas and Ferb team up with a bad luck charm from the other side of Danville to stop them. There’s also some sort of time travel involved, but, to be honest, that’s the most normal part of their adventure.

The only reason Candace brings this up is that Doofenshmirtz Incorporated fell to pieces, and Vanessa is now living with her mother full-time while her dad crashes on someone’s couch. Other than that, everything goes back to normal, and Candace can go home and tap around the house every day after school like she wasn’t just fearing for the lives of everyone in Danville just days earlier.

Thursday comes around again, and it’s tap day. This time, Linda drives the girls, and, as is usually the case with her, they get there a few minutes early. Better early than late, right?

The girls sit in the waiting room while they wait for the class before theirs to end. It gives them a chance to get their tap shoes on and take a breather before heading to class, and Candace appreciates it. Life has been pretty crazy lately, and a few minutes of peace and quiet are nice.

"Candace?"

She looks up at the sound of her name, and she finds none other than time-traveling, pistachion-fighting Melissa Chase standing in front of her.

"Melissa, what are you doing here?" Candace asks, gaping at her.

"This is my dance studio," Melissa says. "It has been for years. What are you doing here?"

"Vanessa and I wanted to try a tap class," Candace says. "You're not in the tap class that starts in a few minutes, are you?"

"Yeah, I am," Melissa says. "Were you here last week, too? Did we just not recognize each other all week?"

"Apparently," Candace says, and she's not quite sure what to do with that information. She was sure that if she crossed paths with these kids again, it would be through Phineas and Ferb, not Vanessa. Hell, Vanessa probably doesn't even know them.

As if reading her mind, she holds out a hand and says, "I'm Vanessa."

Melissa shakes it. "Melissa."

Candace gestures to Vanessa with her head. "She's Dr. Doofenshmirtz's daughter."

Melissa scoffs. "Oh, honey, I am so sorry."

Vanessa looks between the two of them, confused. "What do you guys know about my dad?"

"He's literally living on my friend's couch right now," Melissa tells her. "Trust me, I know a lot more than I need to."

Vanessa stares at her. "My dad is doing what?”

“Didn’t he tell you any of this?” Candace asks. “I mean, his whole building collapsed. I figured even if he didn’t tell you personally, you would’ve seen it in the news.”

“Well, yeah, I knew that,” Vanessa says. “But he told me he was staying with a friend. I didn’t know he meant he was staying with a child.” She pauses. “Although, I mean, I don’t know who I would’ve thought he was talking about. Now that I think about it, he doesn’t really have any friends.”

“It’s all good, though,” Melissa assures her. “Milo seems to like him -- which doesn’t mean much; Milo likes everyone, but still. It’s a family of weirdos. He fits right in.”

“That’s... comforting,” Vanessa says uncertainly. "I have so many questions right now, but, honestly, I don't think I want to know."

Candace nods. "Good idea." She may deal with her dad on a biweekly basis, but sentient pistachios is weird, even for her.

The previous class floods into the waiting room, and the girls’ class is up next. Just like last week, the warmup is to “Ready For The Bettys,” and Candace is starting to get the feeling that this is how they’re going to start every class. She definitely can’t complain.

Midway through the song, Candace glances over at Vanessa. Unlike last week, when Vanessa looked bored out of her mind throughout the whole warmup, this week, there’s a small smile on her lips. Candace glances at Melissa in the mirror, too, wondering how she’s doing, coincidently at the same time that Melissa looks at her in the mirror. They share a smile. If someone had told her at the beginning of the week that she’d be living her best life with Murphy’s Law Personified’s best friend, she would have called them crazy. Oh, how the turn tables…

After the warmup, the teacher tells everyone to head to the side of the room, so they can go across the floor. Everyone else just walks, but Melissa taps her way over, beaming at her friends as she does. Vanessa counters with some improvised tap of her own, and though hers is stationary, it’s no less entertaining to watch.

The teacher’s too busy trying to find a song for their next combination to notice what’s going on behind her, so no one is going to tell them to stop. Vanessa takes a step back and spreads her arms, welcoming Melissa to improv back at her. With a smirk, Melissa takes the challenge, but this time, her dancing is a little funkier. She seems to add something else to it, though whether it’s jazz, hip hop, neither, or both, Candance can’t guess.

This time, Vanessa doesn’t even wait for her to stop, just joining in on her own time and dancing “against” her new friend with just as much attitude. At this point, Candace isn’t the only one watching this tap battle go down. The whole class is watching, too, all captivated by their dancing. They’re genuinely incredible, especially given that they’ve only had a tap class and a half.

But as soon as the teacher picks a song and turns around, both girls are standing still like nothing happened. Candace, along with everyone else in the class, is gaping at them, and they just smile.

Huh.

Well, at least Candace’s two tap friends get along. She can’t complain about that.

Chapter Text

Flash forward a few months, and everything’s going well. Vanessa still carpools to tap class with Candace every week -- driven by any parent except her dad, of course, and Vanessa has no idea what’s up with him lately -- and they hang out with Melissa while they’re there. Every week, Vanessa can feel herself getting better at tapping, and she spends half of her down time at home just practicing. Her mother likes to tease her when she taps out to the kitchen for food, then taps back to her room, but it makes her daughter so happy that she doesn’t mind the racket.

Perhaps even better news than her continued interest in tap is what OWCA has been up to -- or, more specifically, what OWCA has not been up to. For instance, OWCA has not tried to keep Vanessa away from Candace or her family. OWCA has not come after her father for whatever mess has him living with Melissa’s friend. And, best of all, OWCA -- or, more specifically, Perry -- has not touched Candace’s shoes in weeks, ever since she started hiding them in her bureau. Perry has all but admitted that he knows where the shoes are, but he can’t get to them without raising suspicions.

Basically, all of this is to say that life is going well. Between dance, her internship, and her friends, there’s not much she would change about her life, even if she could. Sure, it would be nice if Johnny would leave her alone, or if her dad would get his life together, but she’s not going to push it. She has a boyfriend and she has one functioning parent, and she’s satisfied with that.

It’s Halloween week, and at Danville School of Dance, that means Spirit Week! According to Melissa -- the most reliable source she has, because it’s her studio, after all -- all the students dress up in costume for class, and for the last 15 minutes, visitors can come in and watch the routine they’ve been working on all month.

This results in a lot of bargaining. Melissa insists that Candace and Vanessa dress up, because everyone else will and Melissa is not letting her friends out of it that easily. Obviously, as the two oldest girls in the class, Candace and Vanessa refuse, though the former insists that Melissa spill the beans to her friends and invite them to watch. Melissa refuses, because she’s very insistent that they never find out she dances. At the same time, though, Melissa asks Vanessa to have her dad come, which Vanessa refuses because… well, it’s her dad. Need she explain more?

In the end, they all have to suck it up. All three girls go in costume, much to the chagrin of the older two. They all show up separately, because there are too many friends and family members coming to carpool efficiently. Vanessa’s not sure who her friends are bringing, nor does she really care, but she invited Monty and both her parents. Putting the three of them in a room together is not going to be fun, but she couldn’t ask any of them to stay home, so she’ll have to suck it up. At least they’re all driving up separately. She would sooner quit this class than take a drive with the three of them.

When Vanessa gets to class, Candace is already there, accompanied by her parents, brothers, Jeremy, and… Perry? She brought her pet platypus? Damn, if Vanessa knew they were letting anyone in here, she would have had her dad invite Norm. She’s sure he would have liked to come -- though the room is so crowded as it is, throwing a giant robot in here might not be such a good idea.

Vanessa taps fellow vampire queen Candace on the shoulder to get her attention. “Nice costume.”

Candace laughs. “What are the odds, huh?”

“I hope your boyfriend isn’t going to the party this weekend as a pimpernel,” Jeremy jokes. “It would be weird to have two vampire queen-pimpernel couples.”

“Well, that’s going to be awkward.” Monty puts an arm around Vanessa’s shoulders -- which makes her jump; she hadn’t even realized he was here until now. This place really is crowded. “That was the plan.”

Jeremy looks between them for a moment, surprised. “I’m gonna be honest here; I was completely joking. I had no idea you even had a boyfriend.” To Monty, he adds, “I really thought you were Norm.”

Monty raises an eyebrow. “Norm?”

Vanessa elbows him in the ribs. Now is not the time to check for a security breach, however subtle he may be about it. It’s a dance class, for god’s sake.

“Her brother?” Jeremy says uncertainly. “I think that’s what Candace told me.”

“And he’s a robot,” Candace adds. “I guess I forgot to mention that.”

“Yeah, no, I definitely would have remembered that if you told me,” Jeremy agrees. “I’m used to that type of thing with your brothers, not your friends.”

“Oh, speaking of, I should go say hi to your brothers before I forget,” Vanessa says, partially to get Monty away from them before the conversation drifts to something Monty is legally supposed to be wary of -- for example, giant robot brothers -- and partially because she really does like Phineas and Ferb.

Candace shrugs. “Your funeral.”

Vanessa takes Monty’s hand and pulls him across the room to the kids. Phineas and Ferb are sitting by the door, Phineas talking a mile a minute while Ferb listens patiently, holding Perry in his lap. Ferb looks up as they approach, which is the only cue his brother needs to turn around.

“Hi, Vanessa!” Phineas says with a grin.

“Hi, Phineas,” Vanessa says. “Hey, Ferb.”

Ferb waves.

“Who’s your friend?” Phineas asks.

“I’m Monty.” He holds out a hand. “Vanessa’s boyfriend.”

Phineas shakes his hand. “Nice to meet you, Monty.”

“You too, Phineas,” Monty says. “And you too, Ferb.” He looks down at Perry, a small smile on his face, and Vanessa can tell it’s taking all his self control not to mess with the little guy the same way Vanessa did before their first dance class. He may be a professional, but opportunities like this don’t strike often.

Phineas misunderstands his look, because he says, “Oh, that’s Perry.”

Monty chuckles. “Hey, Perry.”

Perry chatters.

“You can pet him if you want,” Phineas says.

Monty shakes his head. “I think I’m all set admiring him from afar.”

“Are you sure?” Phineas asks, seeming taken aback that anyone would pass up the opportunity to pet him. “He won’t bite. He’s just a platypus. He doesn’t do much.”

“I’m sure, thanks,” Monty says. “But he seems like a very good platypus.”

“Oh, he is,” Phineas says. He scratches Perry on the head. “Isn’t that right, buddy?”

Perry lies down in Ferb’s lap and leans into Phineas’s hand, clearly content with where his life is heading right now.

The next ones through the door are Melissa, her father, a dog, and two other boys. Those must be the mysterious Milo and Zack. Phineas and Ferb jump up to greet them, because, as Vanessa should have come to expect by now, Phineas and Ferb know just about everyone in Danville.

Perry is left on the chair, abandoned, but he doesn’t seem to mind. He curls up on the chair as if he were about to go to sleep, and out of the corner of her eye, Vanessa sees Monty’s amused smile. Before Perry can even think about drifting off, the dog runs up, his front paws on the chair, and licks Perry’s face. Perry chatters, almost looking angry, but cuts himself off after a brief moment. He smiles, ever so slightly, and boops the dog’s nose with his beak.

“Hey, where’s Diogee?” one of Melissa’s friends asks.

Diogee barks once.

“Oh, there you are, Diogee!” he says, heading to the dog’s side. He pauses when he sees the platypus. “Perry?”

Perry chatters.

“It’s been a while, huh?” the kid says with a grin, not seeming to think much of it.

Vanessa eyes them warily. This isn’t going to blow his cover, is it? She promised that this dance class wasn’t going to screw anything up, but she hadn’t accounted for Perry actually getting involved. She certainly hadn’t expected Melissa’s friend to recognize him, though if they know both her dad and the Flynn-Fletchers, she’s not sure which version of him to expect the kid to know.

Before anything more can go wrong on Perry’s behalf, the door opens again, and this time, it’s Heinz that enters. He looks a little off -- your building crashing to the ground and being forced to move in with a random family tends to do that to a person -- but when he sees his daughter, his face lights up. “Hi, sweetie!”

“Hey, Dad.” Vanessa gives him a hug -- a rare occurrence, but something it looks like he would appreciate right about now. He hugs her back without hesitation.

“Dr. D?” Melissa says, confused.

After a nice hug, her dad pulls away and looks down at the girl. “Oh, it’s… um… Milo’s friend girl.”

“I forgot you knew my dad,” Vanessa says. Except his dad apparently doesn’t know her back. He’s never been one for names, that’s for sure. It’s a miracle he even knows his own family’s.

“Well, this is… fun,” Monty mutters, his voice dripping in sarcasm.

Vanessa pats him on the shoulder sympathetically. He’s a big player over at OWCA, so this has to be stressful to watch. There are so many ways the organization could be exposed, and a lot of them don’t even revolve around Perry. With her dad here, everything’s fair game. She’s sure it will go fine -- everything always tends to work out in the end, so she doesn’t stress about it too much -- but she can’t blame him for being wary.

The class before theirs ends, and her classmates file in the room next. Vanessa gives Monty a quick kiss on the cheek. “Be good.”

“I always am,” Monty says with a grin.

Vanessa heads to class, Candace and Melissa following close behind. Vanessa takes a moment to admire Melissa’s costume -- a witch, thankfully, not another vampire queen. It looks cute, though Vanessa wishes her luck with that hat. She’s not sure she expects it to stay on.

Most of class goes as any other class would, but a little quicker. There’s not as much time to goof around, and Vanessa and Melissa don’t get the chance to tap-battle each other this time. She’s a little disappointed, but she’s not surprised. They want to look their best for their guests.

When their guests pile in, though, Vanessa notices that said guests are mostly from their tap trio, and the rest of the class pretty much only brought the one parent that drove them. That’s awkward. She watches them as they file in, and notices the backpack kid -- Milo, Melissa had said -- sitting between Phineas and Ferb. That’s weird; she didn’t think anything could separate them. Melissa’s other friend, Zack, sits on Phineas’s other side, and Diogee walks around in front of them for a few moments before settling down in front of Milo.

Vanessa waits for Perry, expecting him to settle down with the boys. Instead, she watches all the parents enter the room, all sitting down together -- the trio’s dads on one side and the moms on the other, with Linda and Lawrence sitting by each other’s sides and the Doofenshmirtzes as far from each other as space permits. That’s a relief; Vanessa has had enough of her dad making a scene at dance, and she’d rather that not happen again until at least the end of the year.

The last ones in are Jeremy and Monty, and at this point, there’s only one chair left. Jeremy gestures for Monty to take it, but Monty immediately shakes his head and offers it to Jeremy. She can’t hear the conversation, but she suspects the only reason Monty manages to convince Jeremy to take it is by telling him that the person on the other side of that chair is his girlfriend’s dad, and they’re not exactly the best of friends.

Perry trots in just before the teacher closes the door. He looks around, but ultimately, he stays where he is, just sitting down at Monty’s feet -- though whether that’s because he wants to hang out with Monty or because he doesn’t want to choose between Phineas and Ferb, she can’t say. She and her boyfriend share an amused look. She’s gotten used to him looking stupid when he’s out of work -- mindless platypus is his cover, after all -- but seeing him sitting down is a new level of stupid.

The dancers all return to their formation to show their guests their dance. Vanessa can’t help but glance at her boyfriend warily. He’s never seen her dance before -- she’s made sure of that -- so she’s a little self conscious. There are so many people watching her right now. What if she messes up? What if she forgets the dance? What if she slips? So many things could go wrong right now.

But when the teacher turns the music on, all those worries disappear. The dance comes naturally to her, ingrained in every muscle in her body from the first step. She doesn’t even process that it’s going well until the dance is over, and it all passes in the blink of an eye. She risks a glance at Monty, who’s leaning against the wall with the cutest little smile on his face. He was clapping with the rest of the audience, but when he sees Vanessa looking at him, he gives her a thumbs up, and she blushes.

Vanessa scans the audience. The clamour of the tap shoes must have excited Diogee, because he’s sitting up between Milo and Phineas now, his tail wagging. Her mom is smiling, but her excitement can’t even begin to rival that of her father’s. He’s clearly conscious of how loud he’s clapping, which she appreciates, but he’s beaming at her the whole time. Perhaps her favorite audience reaction, though, is Ferb’s, purely because there is no reaction. He’s clapping, but his face is, as always expressionless. She can’t help but wonder, not for the first time, what is going on in his head.

The teacher gives them some corrections, and they run the dance a few more times, but it’s never as nerve wracking as the first time. The hard part is over with, and she can just relax now. Everything is going to be…

“Vanessa, look out!” Melissa grabs her hand and pulls her away right before the speaker crashes to the ground.

Vanessa gapes at it. That could have crushed her. That would have crushed her, if Melissa hadn’t stepped in. Out of all her dad’s dangerous and messed up plans, this is what almost kills her? A freaking speaker mounted on the wall?

“Murphy’s Law,” Candace tells her. “Don’t even question it.”

Vanessa stares at her blankly.

“Honesty, we got off pretty easy today,” Melissa tells her. “I’m not sure I expect the same during the recital.”

Now Vanessa stares at her blankly.

“I don’t think I’m doing the recital,” Candace tells her, “but I’ll cheer you on and hope the stage doesn’t fall apart anyway.”

“Why would the stage fall apart?” Vanessa asks quickly. She’s not even planning on doing the recital, but the thought of the stage breaking down is terrifying nonetheless.

“You have to do recital!” Melissa says immediately, apparently deciding that this is more important than answering Vanessa’s question. “I will make you do recital.”

Candace crosses her arms. “And how are all four feet of you going to do that?”

Melissa crosses her arms mockingly. “You don’t know everything about me.”

Class ends not long after that, fortunately with no injuries -- though three of the lights do die, and they’re let out a couple minutes early so the teacher can clean up the glass from the spontaneously shattering lightbulb. It’s too much of a safety hazard for the kids in the audience -- or so she says, but Phineas and Ferb are the youngest ones here, and they’ve dealt with a lot worse than this.

As soon as the door opens, Perry bolts out of the room, and Vanessa fights back a laugh. Someone did not enjoy this, that’s for sure. Everyone else follows, but Vanessa hangs back, hoping the path will clear soon and she can make her way to her boyfriend. It seems she’s not the only one with that idea, because Melissa and Candace stay with her.

“Okay, Vanessa, now’s our chance,” Melissa says. “We have to get Candace to do the recital with us.”

Vanessa frowns. “Yeah, about that. Dance recitals and I don’t exactly get along.”

Melissa scoffs. “Didn’t you tell me that this is your first year dancing?

“First time in, like, ten years,” Vanessa says.

Melissa rolls her eyes. “You can’t judge yourself based on a 10-year-old performance.”

“I’m not judging myself,” Vanessa tells her. “I’m judging my dad.”

Melissa sucks in a breath through her teeth. “Okay, no, that’s fair. You dad’s kinda…” She circles her ear with her finger, and Vanessa snorts. That’s one way to put it. “But Milo’s gonna be there, and nothing your dad does is going to be as bad as Murphy’s Law. I mean, you saw how bad it was today, and that was with Phineas and Ferb sitting next to him.”

Vanessa stares at her uncomprehendingly. “What are you talking about?”

“You don’t know?” Melissa says incredulously.

“Know what?”

Melissa and Candace launch into a very long explanation of Murphy’s Law, including some examples that Vanessa finds very hard to believe -- what the fuck is a pistachion? -- but she has a hard time denying it. After the speaker that nearly killed her and the exploding lightbulbs, she’s willing to admit that there may be something slightly off about this Milo kid.

They walk as they talk, and the explanation conveniently finishes just as they’re entering the waiting room, where she’s relieved to see Monty is still waiting for her and didn’t just leave as soon as class was done. He’s standing by the door, presumably ready to leave at any moment, so Vanessa makes a beeline to him to see him off.

Monty presses a quick kiss to her lips. “You were fantastic.”

“Thanks,” Vanessa says, blushing ever so slightly.

“I have to admit, though,” Monty adds, “I almost didn’t want to watch you dance because Agent P was looking…” He lets out a low whistle, and Vanessa laughs.

“Now you see why I couldn't help but make fun of him?”

Monty nods. “Oh yeah. I swear, if it wasn’t for the fact that he could literally murder me…”

Vanessa slaps him on the shoulder playfully. “Don’t say that! He’s just a platypus, Monty! Didn’t you know they don’t do much?”

They both laugh at that one, but the joke gets cut off by Perry’s frustrated growl. Monty gives him a half-assed apology, but Vanessa doesn’t even bother with that. This isn’t the first time she’s made fun of Perry, and it won’t be the last.

“Alright, I am going to get going,” Monty tells her. “I will see you tomorrow -- and next time you do something like this, I better get an invitation again.”

Vanessa can’t help but smile. “Don’t worry; you’re on the permanent guest list.”

Monty gives her one last kiss before he leaves, and now it’s on to the rest of her guests. She’s not sure whether she wants to see her mom or her dad next, but the problem is solved for her when she almost walks straight into Phineas and Ferb instead. Apparently, her parents can wait.

“You are such a good dancer!” Phineas gushes. “I can’t believe this is your first year!”

Vanessa decides against mentioning the fiasco that was her childhood, instead accepting the compliment with, “Thank you so much!”

“It was truly very impressive,” Ferb tells her.

Vanessa fights back a laugh. “Didn’t you once hijack and win a televised dance competition from backstage?”

Ferb just shrugs.

“Yeah,” Vanessa says, “I don’t think I can really compare.”

“Perhaps not,” Ferb allows, “but I still can’t tap.”

Phineas looks between the two of them with a small smile. “Wow, you got two lines out of him!”

Vanessa grins, too. Yeah, she did get two lines out of him, and she certainly can’t complain -- though she is surprised he can dance as well as he does and still not know how to tap.

“Do you know where Perry went?” Phineas asks. “I don’t think he liked the noise, and I’m worried about him. He just bolted.”

“I just saw him a minute ago,” Vanessa tells him. “He’s somewhere around here.”

“Thanks.” Phineas says with a smile.

By now, people are starting to trickle out, which gives Vanessa a direct path to her father. She almost trips over both Perry and Diogee in the process, but she does manage to get to her dad in one piece -- and, in even better news, Melissa and all her friends are leaving, which means (hopefully) no more bad luck. The poor studio is practically falling apart as it is.

“You are such a good dancer,” Heinz tells her. “You always have been.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Vanessa says with a small smile, before remembering the actual, serious reason she came over here. “Dad, is everything okay? Do you need a place to stay or something?”

“Nah, I’m good,” Heinz says. “The Murphys’ couch is actually one of the nicer places I’ve lived in my life.”

Vanessa frowns. “Are you sure? I’m sure Mom could --”

“I’m not crawling to your mother for help,” Heinz interrupts. He presses a kiss to the top of her head. “I’ll be back on my feet in no time. Don’t even worry about it.”

Vanessa forces a smile. She’s a little hesitant to trust that, but, honestly, this is far from the worst thing to happen to him in the last 47 years. If he made it this far, he can make it through this, too. She has faith in him.

Chapter Text

Flash forward a few more months because, let’s be real, this fic is already a million times longer than it needs to be, and Christmas break has officially ended -- but not until Phineas and Ferb built one too many inventions and Candace’s head almost exploded. Never in her life has she been so relieved to have a hobby outside of busting, because heading to Vanessa’s or Melissa’s to tap for an afternoon is much more fun than worrying about whatever stupid thing her brothers are making that will inevitably disappear right before she shows her mother.

The first week after vacation, as Melissa has drilled into her head a million times, is when the students learn what song and costume they’ll have for the recital. It doesn’t particularly matter to Candace, who has no intention of doing the recital, but she’s excited for Melissa’s sake. She’s perfectly content just learning the dance in the back of the room for a few months and then disappearing until next year, when she’ll start all over again.

“Are you excited to see the costume?” Melissa asks eagerly.

Candace shrugs. “I dunno.”

“Yeah, I don’t think either of us are interested in the recital,” Vanessa tells her. “But we’re really happy for you?”

“Yeah, that,” Candace agrees, and though it may sound less that sincere, she is really happy for Melissa, and she hopes her friend likes it.

“You guys are no fun,” Melissa pouts.

The class before their ends, and it’s time to head in. Per usual, Melissa click-clacks her way through the studio, bouncing around and making far too much noise with her shoes. Candace and Vanessa share an amused look. They may love tapping, but no one loves it as much as Melissa does.

The teacher has all the kids sit down in a circle in the corner of the room. Candace sits between her two friends, all looking up at the teacher eagerly. Candace may not care too much about the costume given that she’s not going to wear it, but she still wants to see it. Clothes are her thing, after all.

“Okay, first of all,” the teacher says, her attention already on her iPad, “here’s the song you’re going to have for the recital.”

Candace recognizes the song from the first note. Of course she does -- she’s heard this song live in her own driveway. It takes all her self control not to squeal at the opening to “Music Makes Us Better” by none other than Love Händel. She can’t wait to see this during the recital. She already knows it’s going to be fantastic.

“And here’s a picture of the costume,” the teacher says, handing a laminated piece of paper.

With where the trio is in the circle, they’re the last to get the costume, but Candace doesn’t mind. She’s more than willing to bob to her parents’ favorite band while she waits. It’s such an upbeat song -- not one she would have picked for a tap piece, but one she’s sure will work great.

When it comes to patience, Melissa can’t relate -- she’s staring at the paper so hard, Candace can’t help but wonder if she can somehow see through it and to the costume. Candace and Vanessa share an amused look. Melissa is this close to literally exploding with excitement.

Finally, the paper gets to them, and Melissa grabs at it immediately. Candace can’t help but gasp at the site -- the costume is gorgeous. The halter top is covered in gorgeous red sequins, and though she’s never been one for sequins on a casual day, she would make an exception for this -- and everyone who knows her knows that the sleeveless look works wonders on her body. It looks to be some sort of body suit -- or leotard, maybe -- which she only guesses by how short the red and black fringe on the bottom is. It almost looks like a skirt, but no skirt would be that short or flimsy without a bodysuit underneath it.

“That… is… perfect,” Candace whispers.

“I know, right?” Melissa agrees, beaming. “Come on, admit it. You want to do the recital now.”

“Eh…” Candace hesitates. It is a cute costume…

“You should!” Vanessa insists. “Come on, you’re gonna do the class all year anyway, and when else are you going to get a costume like that?”

Candace looks between her friends and the costume for a moment before giving a firm nod. “You know what? You’re absolutely right. We should do it.”

“Woah, wait, what?” Vanessa puts her hands up. “I said you should do it. I am still anti-recital to the last drop.”

Candace shakes her head. “Uh-uh. You forced me to keep taking this class, and now I’m forcing you to see it through.”

“I mean, come on,” Melissa adds. “How can you say no to that costume?”

“Like this.” Vanessa takes the paper and holds it up in front of her face. “No.”

Melissa snatches it back. “Seriously, you can’t tell me you don’t at least want to try it on.”

Vanessa gestures to her all-black attire, made up of legging and a t-shirt and revealing absolutely nothing more than necessary. “Does this look like the fashion sense of someone who wants to dress up as a glittery firetruck?”

“Please?” Candace tries, as if that’s going to work.

Melissa tries a different tactic, and begins chanting, much too loudly, “Re-ci-tal! Re-ci-tal! Re-ci-tal!” until everyone but Vanessa and the teacher have joined in.

Vanessa frowns. “Fine, whatever. I’ll do the stupid recital.”

Candace feels a pang of guilt at that. She really wants Vanessa to do this with her, but if it upset her so much, maybe they shouldn’t have pressured her into this.

“You don’t have to,” the teacher tells her. “If you don’t want --”

“Yes she does!” Melissa interrupts. “It’s official. Can’t change her mind now.”

Candace makes a mental note to keep an eye on her friend. If it really looks like she’s not enjoying this, she’ll pull her aside to talk. As much as she’d like her dance partner, she values her friend’s feelings more -- though she’s reasonably convinced that Vanessa will decide that she does enjoy this anyway. It’ll just take time.

Chapter Text

It’s the little things that bring Vanessa the greatest joys in life. The click-clack of her tap shoes, the birds chirping, and facetime calls with her boyfriend tend to top that list. At the moment, only the third one is relevant, but that’s not to say she couldn’t click-clack if she wanted to; she has her tap shoes on, and if she hadn’t been lying on her bed in a fit of total exasperation, she’d be dancing around in them.

It’s Vanessa who initiates the call, and she doesn’t really expect Monty to pick up. He rarely does when she calls, usually too busy with his inconsistent work schedule, but it’s worth a shot. She needs someone to vent to, and her punk friends just wouldn’t understand. They never do.

To her surprise, Monty does answer the call, and Vanessa can tell by the navy blue wall behind him that he’s also lying in bed, just like her. It seems he may be free from work for the day. He greets her with a smile, and, despite not having had the best of days, she can’t help but smile back.

“Hey, Vanessa,” he says. “What’s up?”

“Where do I begin?” Vanessa mutters, before proceeding to infodump her entire day on him, not pausing once to let him speak because she is just so frustrated. Freaking Birgette from chem class refuses to do any work on their project, so she has to do all of it. Gym class is just a whole mess because… well, it’s gym. What more do you need? Tap usually makes her feel better, but now she's stuck doing a recital that she wants nothing to do with. Overall, it has just not been her day.

Monty listens patiently throughout the whole rant, and even gives her a moment to calm down and make sure she's done before he speaks, his voice calm and clear. “Okay, let’s go through these one at a time. It’s been a few years since I’ve taken chemistry, but I’m sure I can figure it out and give you a hand.”

Vanessa can’t help but smile. Of course Monty would take the logical route -- and sacrifice his own time and brain cells on a stupid high school project -- instead of just complaining with her.

“Gym is just gym,” Monty continues. “I really don’t think I can help with that. It just kind of sucks.”

Vanessa would be surprised if Monty actually disliked gym in high school -- he’s literally a spy; physical activity is in the job description. She definitely appreciates the attempt to cheer her up, though -- and the acknowledgment that literally nothing he says or does is going to make gym class any better, so he might as well not even try.

“And I think your recital is going to be great,” Monty tells her. “I’m really proud of you for leaving the past in the past and deciding to go for it.”

Vanessa purses her lips. She made it very clear that she did not want to do this recital, and here he is trying to turn it into a good thing, like she’s some brave soul putting her fears behind her. She can’t say that’s not the case because you can’t just tell someone to fuck off after they give you a compliment like that, but she’s sure he knows it. That tricky bastard…

“I will be there front and center cheering you on,” Monty says. “When is it? I’ll take the whole day off right now.”

“I should probably do that too,” Vanessa says reluctantly. As much as she would like to put it off until the last minute in hopes that Monogram decides not to approve her one singular vacation day, her friends would be pissed if she led them on and backed out at the last second.

Vanessa tells him the date, and they both pull out their laptops to request the day off, still FaceTiming through their phones. It takes Monty a little longer than it takes Vanessa, because, as she has come to realize over the last few months, the internet at the Monograms’ is awful. The Major is too cheap to get a decent connection -- probably, Monty theorizes, because he doesn’t understand how the internet works anyway -- so everything takes longer in the Monogram household.

"Come on, slowpoke," Vanessa says teasingly. "At this rate, you're still gonna be taking the day off on recital day."

"Worst comes to worst, I'll just ditch," Monty jokes. "It's not like my dad has any idea what I do at work, anyway. He wouldn’t even notice.” He pauses. “I hope he’s not home. That would be awkward.”

Vanessa can’t help but laugh. “What, you don’t want to smack talk him to his face?”

“I would much rather smack talk him to his face than behind his back and have him overhear it,” Monty says. “That probably sounds weird because I’m sure your dad is used to people making fun of him behind his back, but my dad is under the impression that everybody respects him.”

“You know, someday someone’s going to burst that bubble of his,” Vanessa says, “and I hope I’m around to see it.”

“And I hope I’m as far away as possible when it happens,” Monty adds. “Oh, I’m almost done. I just gotta…” He narrows his eyes at his computer. “And… almost… it’s processing…”

“You know, today’s a school night,” Vanessa reminds him. “I will eventually have to go to bed.”

“And hopefully, my request will be done before then,” Monty says, his gaze still on his screen. “Give it a second… and… done!”

Vanessa claps for him. “Bravo, Monty! And it only took…” She pretends to check the watch she isn’t wearing. “40 minutes! That must be a new record for you!”

“It was not 40 minutes,” Monty says indignantly.

“Well, it sure felt like it,” Vanessa says teasingly. “I know the recital is still, like, five months away, but I’m going to apologize in advance.”

“And I’m going to tell you in advance that you are an amazing tapper,” Monty replies. “I’m still waiting on that next visitor’s week, by the way.”

“I know, I know,” she says. “After the Halloween fiasco, I wasn’t bringing anyone to the Christmas one, but that one went fine. I’m sure there’s another one coming up that you can come to.” If not, recital is only a few months away. She’s sure he’ll survive until then.

“Let me know as soon as you’ve got the date,” Monty says. “I will gladly spend another 40 minutes trying to take the afternoon off.”

Vanessa laughs. “I appreciate that.”

Before he can speak, there’s a faint, “Monty, are you home?” from the other end of the call, and she recognizes the voice immediately as his dad. In the six months they’ve been dating, she rarely hears Major Monogram outside of work context. She distinctly remembers their first date -- the coffee day with her Perry saving their asses; for a platypus, she met through her dad’s evil schemes, he makes a pretty decent wingman -- when Monty mentioned his father always working late and consequently wasn’t involved in very much in his life. A glance at the time shows he definitely wasn't lying about his dad coming home late.

Monty covers the mic on his phone and yells, "Yeah!"

He must uncover the mic, because Vanessa can hear the Major clearly as he asks, "Where are you?"

Monty covers the mic and calls back, "In my room!" He uncovers the mic and says very quietly just to Vanessa, "Should I be worried?"

Vanessa just shrugs.

"I'm gonna wait it out," he says, "and if it seems like this is going to take a while, I'll hang up and you can head to bed."

"What, and let you suffer through this on your own?"

Monty chuckles.

Vanessa hears the door open, and Monty must decide to put his phone down, because she gets a wonderful view of the ceiling.

"Hey, Dad," Monty says. "What's up?"

"I noticed you put in for a day off in a few months," Monogram says. "What, uh… what's that for?"

Vanessa can't help but wonder how he knows about that yet. Does he get a notification on his phone every time someone asks for a vacation day? Granted, if there's one thing she's learned from the OWCA agents' gossip, they don't tend to request days off, probably because when they do, it's almost always denied. His phone definitely wouldn't be blowing up if he does get notified. She’s just not sure she trusts him to know how to use a phone.

"I'm going out," Monty tells his father vaguely.

"With Vanessa?"

"Yes, Dad, with Vanessa," Monty says. "She's my girlfriend, remember? We go out sometimes."

"I know, I know," Monogram says. "But five months in advance, that's… can I ask what you're doing?"

Vanessa has to wonder what he thinks Monty is going to do with his 16-year-old girlfriend. It's not like he's planning to propose to a high schooler or anything.

"It's just a dance recital," Monty says.

“Oh,” Monogram says, and, if his continued awkwardness means anything, he’s still not comfortable with that. “Is Doofenshmirtz going to be there?”

The worst part of having an evil scientist for a father, she decides, is that everyone calls him by his last name, as if that’s not her last name, too. It’s just weird.

“I don’t know, probably.” Monty picks up his phone, his face appearing on the screen again. “Vanessa, is your dad going to the recital?”

Had it just been Monty asking, she would give an exaggerated sigh with her answer, but with Monogram listening, she decides to give a less dramatic response -- though the irony of her referring to the Major by his last name in Monty’s presence after complaining of the same thing happening to her is not lost on her.

“I haven’t asked him yet, but I’m assuming he will,” Vanessa says.

“Oh, you’re talking to her now,” Monogram says awkwardly.

“Yeah, see?” Monty turns the phone around so the Major can see her for a total of maybe half a second before it faces him again. He returns to the matter at hand and asks, almost condescendingly, “Is the fact that her dad is going to be there going to be an issue?”

“Well, I mean, I don’t really…” Monogram says awkwardly. “Is Agent P’s host family going, too?”

“Probably,” Vanessa says, though part of her wishes she could lie. These questions don’t bode well.

“But we all went to her Halloween visitor’s week class, and everything was fine,” Monty assures him.

“Just because it went well once doesn’t mean it will go well again,” Monogram says.

Vanessa fights back a sigh and says, completely insincerely, “If you’re that worried about my dad slipping up, you can buy your own ticket and keep an eye on things.”

Though it was mostly a facetious remark, Monogram takes it for more than it is and asks, “Is it open to the public?”

Vanessa can’t help but roll her eyes.

“Dad, you really don’t have to go,” Monty says. “It will be fine.”

“I don’t trust Doofenshmirtz anywhere near any of my agents’ host families -- no offense, Vanessa.”

“None taken.” Sensing that he’s not going to cave any time soon, and not too keen on talking back to her boss and boyfriend’s father, Vanessa decides to make a bit of a sacrifice for the greater good. “We actually already got the tickets, but if you really want to come, I’m sure there’s a seat or two at the back of the auditorium still up for grabs.” This is a lie, of course -- tickets don’t go on sale for another few months -- but hopefully it will convince him he doesn’t want to come, or at least keep him far away from everyone.

Monogram hesitates. “Your dad’s not going to talk during the performance, right?”

“Of course not,” Vanessa says, which is a total lie. Her dad is definitely going to talk. It’s what he does. She’s just decently sure Perry won’t come up in conversation while he’s ranting about the dancers, so it doesn’t seem like something she needs to tell him.

“Then I suppose that works,” Monogram says.

“Cool,” Monty deadpans. “Thanks, Dad. Good chat. Thank you in advance for approving the vacation days, and now can I get back to talking to my girlfriend?”

“Oh, right, sorry,” Monogram mutters. “You guys, uh… you guys have fun, I guess. I’ll just…”

All Vanessa can see is Monty’s eye roll, presumably as his dad is walking away, before he positions his phone again to continue their conversation. Vanessa bites back a laugh. At least when her dad gets all up in her business, it’s because he cares too much. She’s not sure she would survive her dad butting in for security reasons and personal reasons.

"Well, sorry about that," Monty says. "I really didn't think he'd be too concerned with this."

"It's all good," Vanessa assures him. "I mean, I love my dad, but I don't think I'd trust him around Perry's family without supervision, either."

"I'm sure I can get him to back off if you want," Monty says. "It might take a while, but I'll wear him down."

"Don't do it on my account," Vanessa says. "I'm already expecting the day to be super chaotic. Your dad is the least of my concerns." Of course, that's mostly because her two biggest concerns — performing and Milo Murphy — outweigh literally everything.

“Are you sure?” Monty asks warily.

Vanessa nods. “Don’t even worry about it.”

She’s stuck performing onstage in some bright, sparkly costume that she already knows is going to be itchy and uncomfortable and far too revealing. She’ll be miserable no matter what. Why not add Major Monogram to the mix?

Chapter Text

It takes a couple months, but eventually, the entire tap routine is choreographed. The class cheers, though Vanessa is a little less than thrilled. She’s not big on having to learn dances -- the best part of tapping is the mindless fun that comes with actually knowing the dance -- so in theory, this should be great. She already knows the dance, though it will take a few run throughs until the new part becomes second nature like the rest of the piece, and then she can just enjoy it. The only problem is that they now have to work on this same routine until June. That’s going to be impossibly more frustrating than having to memorize the entire dance in the first place.

“We did it, Vanessa!” Candace says with a grin. “The hard part is over!”

“Mm, yeah,” Vanessa says, and Candace is seemingly oblivious to the lack of sincerity.

“Don’t get too excited yet,” Melissa chimes in. “Now we get to clean it.”

Candace frowns. “What does that mean?”

“We work on it and make it look presentable,” Melissa explains. “If we went onstage looking like this, the audience would laugh at us.”

“We also just finished the dance two minutes ago,” Vanessa reminds her.

Before Melissa can reply, the teacher steps in, announcing that they’re going to be running through the dance one more time before class ends -- but with the normal lights off and the “stage lights” on. In all honesty, the stage lights look fairly ridiculous. It’s just a bunch of mini spotlights all along the ceiling that barely light up the room, and if there's one thing Vanessa remembers from her recital as a child -- excluding her dad making a fool of them both -- it’s that the stage is a lot brighter than this.

But the kids in the class seem excited, so who is she to complain?

What she doesn’t see coming is the teacher closing the curtains over the mirror so no one can see themselves or anyone else. For the briefest moment, Vanessa panics, worried she’s going to fuck it up. She likes having a mirror in front of her, just in case she forgets what comes next and needs to subtly check what someone else is doing. That’s not an option anymore. She has to keep reminding herself that she knows this dance. She knows that she knows it. She’ll be fine. She just needs to focus.

When the music comes on, all her thoughts disappear. All she can think about is the dance, though “think” may be the wrong word for it. It has all her attention, but she doesn’t have to think about it at all. It just happens. It’s both calming and thrilling at the same time, something she’s never experienced before, and it carries her all the way through to the end.

"Damn, Vanessa, you've got this dance down," Melissa remarks.

Even after finishing the dance, Vanessa can't wipe the smile off her face. "I'm starting to think recital might not be as painful as I'd thought it would be."

"That's the spirit!" Melissa says with a grin.

That brings an end to their class for the week, and once again, it’s Vanessa’s least favorite part of the week -- time to take off her tap shoes. Sure, she can put them back on when she gets home, but that doesn’t make it any less disappointing every time she has to take them off. At least her friends are around to distract her, though. That counts for something.

“I don’t know how you guys got it that quickly,” Candace remarks, glancing up from her dance bag. “Like, I know it in theory, but actually doing it is a lot harder.”

“You just need to practice,” Melissa says. “It always gets easier with practice.”

“Correction,” Vanessa says. “We need to practice. Together. Are you guys free this weekend?”

“Not if Murphy’s Law has something to say about it,” Melissa says, “but I’m sure I can carve out some Milo-free time if I have a heads up.”

“Okay, then my house, Saturday at, say, two o’clock?” Vanessa suggests.

“No, sweetie, the painters are coming this weekend, remember?” Charlene chimes in. “It’s going to be too chaotic to have company.”

Vanessa groans. Maybe if her mom didn’t get the house repainted every few years, they wouldn’t have this problem. She gets that her mom is rich, but come on, there have to be better, less annoying things to spend her money on than repainting the same walls over and over. Is it that hard to pick a color and stick with it?

“We can practice at my house, if you guys want,” Candace volunteers. “I mean, we have to deal with the boys, but I’m sure they’ll be busy doing something very bustable in the backyard anyway.”

Vanessa fights back a laugh. “Works for me.”

“Ditto,” Melissa says.

“Awesome,” Candace says with a grin. “I can’t wait!”

Chapter Text

“I’m off to run some errands,” Linda informs her daughter, “but have fun with your friends today. I’ll be back in a couple hours. There’s pie on the stove if you girls want any.”

“Bye, Mom!” Candace says with a grin. “Thank you!”

Linda heads out, and it’s not until Candace hears the door click shut that she runs out to the backyard, early enough that the kids are still in the scheming phase of whatever evil plan they’re formulating to annoy her. That’s not going to fly today.

“Alright, listen up, twerps,” Candace calls from the doorway. “Vanessa and Melissa are coming over, and I don’t want --”

“Vanessa and Melissa are coming over?” Phineas repeats, sounding far too excited for Candace’s peace of mind. “Cool!”

“No, not cool,” Candace says immediately. “At least, not cool for you. I don’t want you guys bothering us while we’re practicing, got it?”

“But --”

“Good.”

Candace heads back inside and closes the door, but not before she hears the familiar, “Hey, where’s Perry?” come out of Phineas’s mouth. And there they go. The start to every obnoxious scheme.

But she has more important things to worry about — namely, getting ready to tap with the girls. There are a lot of formation changes in their dance, and while they're obviously not going to have space to do those full out as if they were on stage, they're going to need some space to work with. Unfortunately, the kitchen is a little small and a little crowded for that right now, so she has to try to move the table and chairs out of the way. The chairs are, as one would expect, very easy to move. The table can't say the same.

By the time the doorbell rings, Candace has only managed to drag it a few feet, leaving it even more in the way than it was when she started. Well, that's annoying. Maybe Vanessa and Melissa can help her move it. Sure, Melissa is, like, four feet tall, but she could probably move it by herself out of pure determination.

Their day begins with some small talk that isn’t interesting enough to read about, so let’s skip ahead to the real reason you’re reading this scene: Melissa trying to push the kitchen table out of the way and failing miserably. Apparently “pure determination” does not make up for what she lacks in the height, weight, and muscle departments. With Candace and Vanessa’s help, they do manage to move it… but it doesn’t do a whole lot of good, because they can’t just get rid of the table and it didn’t clear up as much space as they had hoped.

Apparently trying to shove a table around the kitchen for ten minutes draws a bit of attention, because Phineas pokes his head in. “Do you guys want any help?”

“No,” Candace says immediately.

“I think this is good enough, but thanks,” Vanessa adds.

“Okay, just checking,” Phineas says. “Have fun!”

Candace breathes a sigh of relief. She really thought the boys were going to come in and ruin her tapping experience for a second there. Thank god Vanessa is on her side.

“Hey, Phineas, whatcha working on today?" Melissa asks.

Why would she subject herself to that?

“We don’t know yet,” Phineas tells her. “But whatever is it, I’m sure it’s going to be awesome.”

Well, that’s comforting. Maybe Candace will get lucky and they won’t --

“You know what you should make?”

Candace smacks Melissa’s shoulder. “What are you doing?”

Melissa gestures for her to calm down before turning her attention back to Phineas. “The kitchen is kinda crowded. Do you think you could build a tap stage?”

Phineas’s eyes light up at that. “Yeah, we can totally do that! What do you want to see? Built-in speakers? Rainbow lights? Disco ball?”

“No!” Candace says immediately. “We do not need a stage, and we definitely don’t need a stage with a freaking rainbow disco ball.”

“Oh, no, the rainbow lights and the disco ball were separate,” Phineas tells her. “Although, now that you mention it --”

“No!”

“Ah, come on, Candace!” Melissa whines. “Do you really want your first time doing this dance onstage to be in front of hundreds of people without a chance to do it over?”

Candace frowns. “Well…”

“Come on, I think it’ll be fun,” Vanessa says.

Candace hesitates. “Fine, but only because we need to practice.”

“Whoo!” Melissa cheers. “Alright, Phineas, hit us with your best shot!”

“What about the speakers and then lights and --”

“Throw in as many bells and whistles as you’d like,” Melissa says. “If you want the ceiling to barf out unicorns, then throw in some unicorns. Make it your own.”

Phineas beams. “We won’t let you down!” And with that, Phineas disappears, ready to tell his friends the good news.

Candace crosses her arms. "I can almost get behind asking them to build us a stage, but did you really have to give them the okay on the barfing unicorns?"

"Hey, he's doing us a favor by making the stage," Melissa reminds her. "The least we could do is let him have some fun with it."

"Besides," Vanessa adds, "everything they build usually turns out great. You're just too distracted by the fact that your mom never sees it."

Candace groans. "You're both dead to me, just so you know."

"Cool," Melissa replies.

"Now come on," Vanessa says, a small smile on her lips. "Are we gonna tap or what?"

Both guests brought their tap shoes in a bag, and Candace's are in the other room just waiting to be worn. They all grab their shoes and gather in the living room, where they can share the couch. Candace is too focused on putting her own shoes on to worry about either of the other girls — at least until she hears Melissa mutter, "Oh, crap," under her breath.

"What's up?" Vanessa asks.

"I brought the wrong shoes."

Candace stares at her. "How do you bring the wrong shoes? What, you packed your ballet shoes instead?"

"What? No, they're tap shoes," Melissa says. "They're just not, you know, the tap shoes."

"Tap shoes are tap shoes, Melissa," Vanessa says. "I'm sure these ones will work just fine."

"It'll probably be easier to have my dad swing by with the right pair." Melissa zips her bag up. "You know, assuming he can find them."

"Okay, now I have to know what's up with these shoes," Vanessa says. "Why do you have tap shoes that you can't wear?"

"Well, I can, they're just… not… the right shoes," Melissa says awkwardly.

"Well, what do these mysterious wrong shoes look like?" Vanessa asks.

"Um…"

Candace, being the fantastic friend she is, reaches over and snatches Melissa's bag from her hands.

"Hey!" Melissa whines, but while she does reach for it back, she's not panicking, which seems to be a sign that Candace can take a look without being a horrible friend.

Candace hops up on the couch and holds the bag high above her head, where Melissa can't reach it. Perks of being the tall friend, right? She opens the bag, pulls out the first thing she can grasp in her hand, and tosses the rest back down to Melissa.

Huh.

So it is a tap shoe.

Weird.

"Why does your tap shoe have a heel?" Vanessa asks.

Melissa sighs. "They're character shoes. They're for, like, Broadway or whatever. The older girls sometimes get to wear them, but since this is my first year tapping, I'm not allowed to, so…" She shrugs. "I just use them at home."

Candace raises an eyebrow. That's kind of weird. She can’t imagine dancing in heels would be very fun, even if the heels are only a couple inches tall. It sounds like it would be weird and uncomfortable. Why would anyone want to --

“Those are so cool!” Vanessa gushes.

Okay, apparently she's alone on this one. Maybe that's because Vanessa's always wearing heeled boots. She'd have no problem trying out character taps. Candace, on the other hand, would break every bone in her body if she even thought about putting something like that on.

"Really?" Melissa asks warily. "You don't think that's weird?"

"'Weird'?" Vanessa scoffs. "If I thought I'd fit in your shoes, I'd ask to try them on right now. Now I want some!"

"You should get a pair!" Melissa says, beaming. "You both should! That would be so much fun!"

"I'm gonna do it," Vanessa declares. "I'm going to buy some new tap shoes, and no one can stop me."

"I can't wait!" Melissa squeals — like, literally squeals, and Melissa doesn't squeal. She must be really excited.

"Come on, put them on!" Vanessa says. "I wanna see them in action!"

Melissa beams. "Okay, gimme a second."

Candace turns her attention from her own shoes to Melissa's. She's not entirely sure what's up with these "character taps," but if Melissa and Vanessa both think they're God's gift to this earth, they have to be good.

The smile doesn't leave Melissa's face the entire time she's putting them on. She hops up and faces her friends. "Okay, are you ready to have your minds blown?"

"Yes!" Vanessa says immediately.

"Show us what you've got, girlie," Candace adds.

Nothing Melissa does is too complicated. Shuffles, paradiddles, flaps — it's all the basics; the very foundation of tap dancing. But there's something about it that's absolutely captivating. Candace can't tell if it's the shoes or Melissa's excitement, but she can't keep her eyes off the girl. Maybe Melissa and Vanessa had a point; these shoes are pretty cool.

Melissa ends her "routine" with a tour that lands with a giggle and a plop on the couch. "I love these shoes."

"I love them more, and they're not even my shoes," Vanessa says.

"We have to get you some character taps soon," Melissa says. "It's going to be awesome."

"I know, right!" Vanessa pulls out her normal tap shoes. "These are just so… boring now? Like how are we supposed to practice with you when you're one-upping our shoes like this?"

"Well, you better figure that out," Melissa says, "because I need my tap partners."

So they tap around for a while, theoretically working on their recital dance but mostly just goofing around. Candace's favorite part is, without a doubt, when Melissa starts messing with the music. She claims it's because they need to "know the counts, not just the music" or whatever, but Candace is fully convinced she just wanted to do their recital dance to "Gangnam Style."

Candace is having so much fun, she doesn't even remember that her brothers have been building some giant stage until all the neighborhood kids run into the kitchen, Phineas in the lead. The three tappers stop mid-song, though in a perfect world, they could have just ignored the kids and continued tapping.

"What?" Candace snaps.

"We finished the stage!" Phineas says, beaming. "Come on, you're gonna love it!"

"I doubt that," Candace grumbles.

"Let's go check it out, then!" Melissa says with a grin, ignoring her redheaded friend.

Phineas leads everyone to the backyard, and Candace can't help but stare. She usually hates her brothers' inventions, but this one is just… wow. It's incredible. It really is just a stage, but not in a derogatory way; she's never been so excited to try one of their inventions out.

"Give it a second…"

Phineas glances over his shoulder, and Candace follows his gaze to see Ferb sitting at a conspicuously large table full of buttons, levers, and dials. How Candace missed it, she's not entirely sure, but there he is. Ferb flicks a lever, and what looks almost like a ski lift floats down from the stage to the kids.

"Take a seat," Phineas says.

"Don't have to tell me twice," Melissa says, already on it.

Vanessa joins her on the bench without a moment of hesitation.

Candace eyes it warily. "Aren't there, like, stairs?"

"Nope!" Phineas replies, popping the p.

Vanessa taps the bench next to her. "Hop on!"

Candace sighs. "I hate that you made me do this."

The bench takes them straight up to the stage, which, Candace soon realizes, is huge. It has to be the size of three studios, and it's way higher off the ground than it has to be. No wonder they built a whole ski lift to bring them up here. It's not like they could climb it — though stairs would have been an easy alternative, but no one's ever known Phineas and Ferb to take the easy way out.

It's going to be a little disorienting to have this much space, but that's okay. If this is how they chose to go overboard, she's not going to complain. It'll save her a lot of headache later on, assuming everything else goes smoothly.

"Are there stage lights?" Melissa asks. "I love stage lights."

"Would it even be a stage without them?" Phineas says with a grin. "Ferb?"

Ferb pulls a lever, which Candace naively assumes will turn the lights on. Instead, it creates a giant dome over the entire backyard, save the bottom foot or two, probably as some sort of fire escape? They're just weird enough to put a couple feet of space and call it safety. Or maybe it’s just to let Perry in, because even though he always misses their inventions, the boys never seem to give up hope that he’ll make it back in time. Then Ferb flicks a couple switches and the stage lights come on.

Apparently, when Taylor Swift sang, "The lights are so bright, but they never blind me," her experiences were not universal.

"What the —" Candace immediately covers her face. "Did you harness the light of the sun or something?"

"No, these are the same lights they use at the high school you're gonna have the recital at," Phineas tells her. "It was a pain to get them delivered that fast, but it was worth it!"

Candace scoffs. "This is what it feels like to be onstage?"

"Pretty much." Melissa pats her on the back sympathetically. "You get used to it. The lights aren't even that bright to me anymore, I’ve been doing this so long."

"I doubt that."

"I think my eyes are starting to adjust, too," Vanessa adds. "I can't see anything in front of the stage, but I can see you guys, at least."

"That's usually how it goes," Melissa says. "You'll barely be able to see the audience." She pauses. "And if you're Candace, you won't be able to see anything but your forearm."

“I don’t know who decided stage lights needed to be this bright,” Candace mutters, “but screw them.”

“Hey, Ferb!” Melissa calls. “Kill the lights for a sec?”

He must listen, because the entire stage grows dark -- so dark that Candace can’t even see her own arm. Well, it’s not doing a lot of good there, blocking the stage lights that aren’t even on. She might as well put her arm down.

“Phineas, why did we not put lights on the stage dome?” Baljeet asks from wherever he is.

“I dunno,” Phineas says noncommittally.

“And now when Ferb turns the lights back on,” Melissa says, “don’t cover your eyes, ‘cause you can’t do that on the real stage.”

"No promises," Candace mutters.

"We can suffer through it together," Vanessa says.

"Alright, Ferb," Melissa calls again. "Let there be light!'

This time, though the lights are just as bright as before, Candace fights the urge to cover her face. She still has to squeeze her eyes shut, but after a few seconds, she opens them back up and the urge to gouge her eyes out isn't as strong.

"Better?" Melissa asks.

“Well, I still can’t see, but I don’t feel like my eyes are on fire, either,” Candace says.

She looks in her friends’ general direction, though with these lights, she doesn’t expect anything to come of it -- which is why she’s surprised to realize that she can see Melissa and Vanessa just fine. How is it possible that the lights are too bright for her to see anyone in the “audience,” but she can see everyone on stage without a problem? Is this some type of Phineas and Ferb pseudo-magic?

“So?” Vanessa says. “Are we gonna dance or what?”

And just like that, Candace’s questions about stage logistics are gone. They find their starting spots -- or the closest they can get with a stage this disproportionately large -- and Melissa calls out to Ferb to start the music. They start their dance --

And the stage itself starts making music?

Not the recital song -- though a stage that sings Love Händel would be cool -- or the click-clacking of their tap shoes, either. It seems to make genuine music, almost like a piano. Candace stops in her tracks. What is going on?

“Woah, this is so cool!” Melissa gushes. “Is the stage a piano?”

“Yes, yes it is,” Phineas says. “Ferb, turn on the keyboard lights so they can see it!”

Candace isn't at all sure what to expect -- what even is a keyboard light? -- but she’s already decided she doesn’t want to know. Unfortunately, Melissa and Vanessa jump at the opportunity to see it, so Candace can’t stop the boys from turning them on. There’s a click, and…

The entire stage turns into a giant piano. They’re each standing on a separate key, their shadows blocking out just a little bit of each one. Candace isn’t entirely sure what to do right now, so she does nothing.

Vanessa and Melissa, on the other hand, jump at the opportunity to try out this jumbo keyboard. Melissa starts it off, tapping all around the stage and hopping over keys to play what almost sounds like a jumbled scale. After a few seconds, Vanessa shrugs and joins the fun, playing lower notes than Melissa’s in a failed attempt at harmony. It sounds absolutely atrocious, but at least they’re enjoying themselves.

“Candace, come on, join the fun!” Melissa says, beaming.

“I think I’m good,” she says awkwardly. Nothing her brothers make is her idea of fun.

Unfortunately, Melissa won’t take no for an answer, so she drags Candace across the keyboard until she finally gets some sort of interaction. With three of them playing completely out-of-sync it sounds even worse than before, but Candace has to admit, it might be a little fun.

They fool around with it for a few minutes. In fact, between the three of them, they’re able to collaborate on an almost-recognizable version of “Jingle Bells.” Eventually, though, they decide to give it a break and try their recital piece, this time without the keyboard and amatueur musical accompaniment.

Candace will admit, the dance was far from perfect. She messed up a few more times than she’d care to admit. Had it just been her she would have been self conscious about it, but out of the corner of her eye she noticed Vanessa had a few minor slip-ups of her own. Candace blames it on the change in scenery. Muscle memory isn’t as reliable onstage, apparently.

Even if it's not the best run, Candace would be lying if she said she didn't enjoy it. Granted, she always enjoys tapping, but doing it onstage is just something else. She can't even imagine how much more fun it will be when the real recital comes around and they all have pretty costumes and stage makeup that Candace totally hasn't been practicing for weeks.

When they hit their ending pose, the audience erupts into the five very distinct cheers of her brothers and their friends. It hadn't even occurred to her that they would be watching. She's a little more embarrassed about messing up now, even if they don't seem to mind.

The dome surrounding them lifts, and the stage lights are replaced by the rays of the sun. As much as Candace enjoyed the stage atmosphere, the lights are one thing she will not miss.

Phineas runs up to the base of the stage. "That was awesome!"

Isabella, who's trailing not too far behind, adds, "You know, Candace, if you were still a Fireside Girl, that definitely would have earned you your tap badge."

"There was a tap badge?"

"Of course!" Isabella says with a cheerful smile.

Candace gapes at her. "Are you telling me you made me wrestle a crocodile when I could have just tapped?"

"Of course not!" Isabella says, like that's a ridiculous assumption. "That was an alligator. There's no crocodile wrestling patch."

There are about a million things Candace could say to that, but none of them are appropriate in front of nine-year-old kids so she clamps her mouth shut.

Melissa snorts. "You were a Fireside Girl?"

"For a day," Candace says quickly, but it occurs to her that there's really nothing to be ashamed of — other than the fact that she did it for tickets to a concert that Isabella could have brought her to — so she doubles down. "I actually have the record for the most patches earned in a single day."

"Girl, you wrestled an alligator," Melissa says. "You don't have to prove a damn thing to me."

Candace can't help but smile. That means a lot coming from someone who has to deal with Murphy's Law on a semi-daily basis.

"I can't wait to see it on the real stage!" Phineas gushes. "You know, with the whole group and all the costumes."

"Don't get too excited," Melissa says. "We still have a lot of work to do before we can really perform it."

“Are you telling me that wasn’t what it was supposed to look like?” Buford asks, and Candace braces herself for the inevitable sarcastic remark. Instead, he finishes that thought with, “Because I don’t know anything about dancin’, but I don’t see how you’re supposed to top that.”

“I must agree with Buford,” Baljeet adds. “That looked very good -- though your timing was off at the end.”

“That’s the new part,” Melissa says. “You should be impressed that we got it at all.”

Candace doesn’t feel compelled to admit that she stumbled through most of the ending. It was one thing to practice in place in the kitchen, but doing it on the big stage threw the ending off more than any other part of the piece. If anyone noticed her mistakes, they’re kind enough to keep it to themselves.

Melissa takes a seat downstage, her legs dangling off the edge. “This is cool,” she remarks, swinging her legs slightly -- and nearly kicking Phineas in the face until he side-steps out of the way. “I never get to sit here.”

“Well, if this is a rare experience, count me in,” Vanessa says, taking a seat by her friend’s side.

“Now I just feel too tall,” Candace complains, which, of course, prompts her to sit down on the end of the stage, too.

Candace has to admit, as annoying as her brothers and their friends are, she’s kind of enjoying this. Sure, this is just another Saturday full of giant inventions and presumably also a fruitless bust attempt to Mom, but it’s one of the better ones. She’s just sitting here on the end of a stage with her tap shoes on, surrounded by friends and family. Sure she’d rather be tapping, but this is a close second on her list of favorite things she could be doing.

“Wait,” Vanessa says, glancing around the yard. “Where’s Ferb?”

Oh.

Maybe she’s not spending some quality time with her brothers and friends after all.

Candace glances around the yard, her eyes landing on Ferb at his table all the way back by the house just in time to see him lowering his hand.

“Come on,” Melissa calls over to him, “take a break from DJing and join the squad.”

Ferb leaves his stand and walks up to the edge of the stage without a word. That’s pretty typical of him at this point -- the silence part, at least; she’s not sure why he wouldn’t have joined up with them earlier. He must have been lost in thought about something, but, knowing him, she’ll likely never find out.

Hey, Ferb," Melissa says. “In your expert dancing opinion, how much work do we have to do?”

“Well, I am far from an expert at tap,” Ferb says, “but I thought it looked great.”

Vanessa smiles. “Thanks.”

Ferb has never been the most expressive person, but Candace has been around him enough to notice his subtle shifts in demeanor and she thinks she might see just the faintest trace of a blush in his cheeks. Does Ferb have a crush on Vanessa? That would be so cute if it wasn’t so… not.

“Coming from you, that’s high praise,” Melissa says. “Didn’t you win that Let’s All Dance Until We’re Sick thing from backstage?”

Ferb just shrugs. Most people would think winning any sort of televised dance competition is cool, nevermind winning without actually competing, but that’s just another Tuesday for Ferb.

“Phineas said you guys are gonna have costumes, right?” Isabella asks. “What do they look like?”

“Oh, they’re so cute,” Candace gushes. “It’s, like, a leotard, and the top is all sparkly and red and the bottom is -- do you want to see a picture? I can show you a picture!”

“Yeah, show us the picture!” Buford chimes in.

Everyone just turns and stares at him.

“What?” Buford says defensively. “I wanna see it!”

Ordinarily Candace would at least raise an eyebrow, but right now her energy is more focused on finding her phone. She hops off the stage -- which really hurts her knees; Phineas and Ferb did not have to make the stage this tall -- and runs inside.

Now where did she put her phone…

She rushes through the house, her shoes click-clacking against the floor as she searches on tables and between couch cushions. She really needs to start taking better care of this thing. It’s bad enough that her phones tend to break as often as they do; she doesn’t want to lose them at the same rate.

Fortunately, her phone is lying on her bed, where she must have left it while she grabbed her shoes. She grabs it and runs back outside, eager to show off her costume. She pushes the doors open and steps into the backyard…

And the stage is gone.

“Okay, where did it go this time?” Candace asks, exasperated.

Phineas shrugs. “I dunno.”

Candace looks to Vanessa and Melissa for an explanation.

“I’m going to be completely honest right now,” Melissa says. “I have no idea what just happened.”

Candace groans. “Of course not.”

“Go show them the costume,” Vanessa says, which, as expected, distracts her from the disappearing stage with ease.

Candace pulls up the picture of the costume that she’s kept so carefully protected on her phone in case a moment like this arises. She shows it to each of the kids, and each one gives a positive reaction. She can’t say she’s surprised, though: it’s a really pretty costume. Even a bunch of nine-year-olds could see that.

As is typical following disappearing inventions, Linda pulls into the driveway, steps into the now-empty yard, and offers everyone pie. Candace can’t find it in herself to care too much that the stage disappeared just before she could see it. The euphoria of tapping on it and her desire of pie make up for whatever disappointment she could be feeling.

And no day’s activity would be complete without…

“Oh, there you are, Perry!”

Okay, now they can head inside.

“I was wondering where Perry was,” Melissa says with a grin. She crouches down and gives him a brief scratch on the head.

“He disappears every single day,” Candace says. “At this point I’m half convinced he has a second set of owners.”

Melissa snorts. “As opposed to Milo, whose dog appears every single day when there’s really no possible way for him to be there.”

The older girls sit down at the counter, and the kids gather around the kitchen table for pie. Perry would usually lie down by Phineas and Ferb, but today he sits down across by the wall. With the way his eyes are pointing, it almost looks like he’s watching both groups of friends at once. It’s kinda creepy.

“I think Perry wants some pie, too,” Vanessa remarks.

“I don’t know; he gets kinda sick of pie after a while.” Phineas takes his plate, complete with a half-eaten piece of pie, and places it on the floor. “Perry, want some pie?”

Perry just continues staring off into space.

“See?” Phineas picks his plate back up and sits down at the table with it. “He has a sophisticated palate.”

Vanessa seems to find that way more entertaining than she should, but maybe that’s just what it’s like to not have a pet at home. Everything someone else’s pet does is automatically more exciting.

Vanessa’s phone rings, and she quickly excuses herself to answer it. Perry seems to watch her leave, which is more mental presence than he’s ever shown in his life. Candace raises an eyebrow. Apparently Vanessa’s love for Perry is mutual. Who would have guessed?

“Did you girls have fun today?” Linda asks.

“We had so much fun,” Melissa says. “I don’t know about Candace and Vanessa, but I feel like I could perform it already -- you know, by myself so no one can tell if my timing’s half a count off.”

“That’s good,” Linda says. “I can’t wait to see it onstage. It already looks so good at the studio. I can tell you girls are really working hard.”

“Thank you!” Melissa says, beaming.

“How about you, Candace?” Linda asks. “How do you think the dance is coming along?”

“It feels pretty good,” she says. “I think I could probably do it by myself with only a few mistakes -- but there’s no way I’d ever be able to perform it by myself. That just sounds scary.”

Melissa shrugs.

“Wait, have you performed by yourself before?” Candace asks. “Do you do, like, solos?”

“I --”

Vanessa picks that moment to come back, the corners of her lips turned down in an annoyed frown.

“What’s up?” Candace asks.

“That was Monty,” Vanessa says. “He was supposed to be my ride home while my mom is working with the painters, but he just got called into work at the last minute.”

“I’m sure my dad could drop you off,” Melissa offers.

“Really?” Vanessa breathes a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”

“Or,” Linda chimes in, “if you guys aren’t doing anything for the rest of the day, you could sleep over.”

Candace lights up at that. “Yeah, we could have a tap squad sleepover! How cool would that be?”

“Are you sure?” Vanessa asks. “I don’t want to intrude just because Monty --”

“Don’t worry about it,” Linda says. “As long as your parents are okay with it, so am I.”

“Do it,” Candace whispers.

“I’m down,” Melissa declares.

Vanessa glances between them, then shrugs. “Sure, why not?”

“Then it’s settled,” Candace says. “Welcome to the first official tap squad sleepover.”

As if he can understand her -- and doesn’t like what he hears -- Perry gets up and walks away.

“Bye, Perry!” Vanessa calls after him.

“That’s weird,” Phineas remarks. “He usually doesn’t leave during snack time.”

“He’s a platypus,” Candace deadpans. “He’s supposed to be weird.”

“Did you know,” Ferb volunteers, “that platypuses are so weird, scientists originally thought they were a hoax.”

“Really?” Vanessa says, amused. “Well, he looked pretty real to me.”

“Yeah, real stupid,” Candace mutters.

Vanessa laughs. “He’s just a little platypus! What do you have against him?”

“He’s a stupid little platypus,” Candace says.

“He’s a nice little platypus,” Vanessa counters.

“I’m with Vanessa on this one,” Melissa adds. “He seems pretty cool.”

Candace crosses her arms. “You’re both wrong. He’s stupid and you should hate him.”

“She doesn’t really hate him,” Phineas assures them, much to Candace’s chagrin. “She may act like she does, but deep down, she kinda likes him.”

“That’s not true,” Candace says immediately.

This begins an incredibly long debate about whether Candace likes Perry and whether Candace should like Perry, and Perry himself is around for none of it. In fact, Perry doesn’t return until that night while the girls are talking about what movie they want to watch, because no sleepover is complete without a movie.

“Hey, Perry,” Vanessa says with a grin.

Candace rolls her eyes. “You don’t have to greet him every time he walks into the room, you know. It’s not like he understands you.”

“Maybe not,” Vanessa says, “but I like to think he at least knows that he’s not being ignored.”

Candace shakes her head. “If that’s what helps you sleep at night.”

“Back on topic,” Melissa says, “what do we want to watch? Something with dancing since, you know, it’s a tap sleepover?”

“Are there any good dance movies?” Candace asks. “I mean, if you guys know any tap movies, I am all ears.”

Melissa frowns. “Now that you mention it, I can’t think of a single tap-based movie.”

“We could watch Singin’ In The Rain,” Vanessa suggests.

“Isn’t that, like, super old?” Melissa asks. “Old movies aren’t really my thing.”

“It’s not too old,” Vanessa says. “Just the ‘50s. It’s still in color and it has sound and all that.”

“But old movies are so boring,” Melissa whines.

“Not this one,” Vanessa says. “It’s really good, I swear.”

Melissa turns to Candace. “It looks like you’re the tiebreaker. Singin’ In The Rain, or something made within the last half-century?”

Candace hesitates. She really doesn’t want to pick sides here, and in all honesty, she’s not sure how she feels about this movie. She knows she’s seen it before, but that was ages ago. She’s not even sure her parents were married back then, it’s been so long. Whether she liked the movie or not is long out of her memory.

… But if it’s a tap movie, maybe it’s time to bring it back.

“Sure, let’s watch it,” Candace says.

Perry turns around and walks away.

“See?” Melissa huffs, a small smile creeping up on her face. “Perry’s on my side.”

Candace scoffs. “How many times do I have to remind you two that he’s just a platypus and he has no idea what you guys are talking about?”

“You can say it as many times as you want,” Melissa says, “but as long as he helps prove my point, I’m going to ignore it.”

Candace rolls her eyes. She really has the weirdest friends.

“Enough about Perry, though,” Vanessa says. “We have a movie to watch.”

Candace isn’t sure what seems to surprise her friends more, her dad’s universal video player or the fact that the Flynn-Fletchers still have VHS tapes. It’s like they don’t know even her brothers, because Phineas and Ferb will make sure they always have something that can play VHS tapes just for the fun of building it.

Candace has to admit, she actually really enjoys the movie -- but the real fun, as always, comes from talking about it afterwards.

As soon as the movie ends, Melissa declares, “I would die for Cosmo.”

“Cosmo really did carry the whole movie on his back,” Vanessa agrees. “I mean, everyone else was great, but Cosmo…”

“The perfect dancer and comedian,” Melissa adds.

Candace frowns. “But what about the love story? Don and Kathy? You guys didn’t like that part?” They were her favorite part of the movie. She’s such a sucker for a good enemies-to-lovers trope.

“Not as much as I love Cosmo,” Melissa says.

“I love them, too,” Vanessa says, ignoring Melissa’s comment. “Honestly, I just love every part of that movie. There’s a reason it’s still a classic after half a century.”

“And that reason is Cosmo,” Melissa says.

Vanessa laughs. “You really love Cosmo, huh?”

“Obviously,” she says. “‘Do something! Call me a cab!’ ‘Okay, you’re a cab!’” She bursts out laughing, and the other two can’t help but laugh along -- not necessarily because they think it’s that funny but because Melissa’s laughter is contagious.

“You love every part of that movie?” Candace eyes Vanessa dubiously. “Every single part?”

“Yeah, of course,” Vanessa says. “What part wouldn’t I like? What part didn’t you like?”

“Well, when Lina --”

“Screw Lina,” Melissa interrupts.

“God, I hate Lina,” Vanessa says at the same time.

The three girls giggle. At least they can agree on one thing: Lina can suck it.