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Published:
2020-06-28
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1,511
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1/1
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you were a good dream

Summary:

Bokuto used to dream that after the Tokyo Olympics, he would finally confess to Akaashi after all these years. Akaashi would smile, the one that crinkled the corner of his eyes and made Bokuto’s heart leap, and say, “I’ve been waiting.”

It was a good dream, Bokuto thought as he watched Akaashi and Osamu Miya slice into their onigiri-shaped wedding cake two months before the Olympic team tryouts. 

Notes:

Title taken from Ben & Ben's Lifetime
OsaAka has been living rent-free in my brain and I've noticed that there are so many one-sided/pining Akaashi fics but barely any pining Bokuto ones! Tipping the scale a bit haha
I feel like a traitor because BokuAka is actually my favorite Haikyuu ship but this wrote itself 🙈

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

 

I was scared to lose you then

But secrets turn into regrets

Buried feelings grow

Oh, you were a good dream

-Lifetime, Ben&Ben

 

Kenma had just finished his best man speech and Atsumu was fixing his collar, coughing to clear his throat dramatically before grabbing the mic from the smaller man who was rolling his eyes.  

“I have over two decades years of dirt, Keiji-kun and everyone —“ 

“Boo! Atsumu you suck!” Suna Rintarou from the Raijins cheered as the crowd laughed and Osamu Miya, Akaashi’s husband, gave a thumbs up.  

From the corner of his eye, Bokuto could see Kuroo next to Kenma eyeing him warily and the entire Furokodani table where he was seated was quiet. Because of course they knew. They knew that he had a crush on their former first year setter. They knew that by the time he graduated, he was so in love with Akaashi Keiji and so torn about confessing because he knew that he wouldn’t have time to pursue a relationship, wouldn’t be able to put in the effort in the way Akaashi deserved.

He thought it would’ve been easy to dismiss the feeling after graduation. But he missed Akaashi, missed his tosses, missed someone understanding him so completely. Selfishly, he also missed the way Akaashi indulged him and let him be himself without judgment. Becoming a pro-volleyball player meant he had to let go of some of his more childish tendencies during a game. It made him grow and it made him stronger on the court but off of it, he was still the same little brat that got babied by his teammates.

He thought about Akaashi in the small instances and missed his constant presence dearly every single day of his first few months on the circuit. He was still in Division 2 when Akaashi graduated and he had an away game in Osaka. The text message he sent congratulating Akaashi felt so insufficient, so lacking and when Akaashi replied with, “Thank you, Bokuto-san and good luck on your game.” 

Bokuto wasn’t the most perceptive but even he could tell something was falling away from his grasp in that moment. His team won that day but it felt like a loss when Yukie sent over a photo of Akaashi with the former third years, Kuroo, and Kenma on an izakaya near the school, all smiles and grins.  

“If ya guys don’t know, I am responsible for these two getting together—” 

Osamu scoffed and Akaashi chuckled. Suna was booing again, along with Akaashi’s mangaka, Tenma Udai.  

“Nah, ya guys listen! These two got together because of the Adlers-Jackals game! And Osamu wouldn’t be there if it weren’t fer’ yers truly—”

“Yes, I recall we had a good laugh at your missed opening serve, Atsumu-san.” Akaashi deadpanned. 

The crowd hollered and Bokuto couldn’t help but grin at Akaashi’s usual dryness. Osamu Miya gave Akaashi a high-five and kissed his cheek.

“Keiji-kun, so mean to yer new brother!”  

 

— 

 

Bokuto was dancing with Yukie when Akaashi interrupted asking for a dance. The music was slow and they were pressed closed and Bokuto could almost imagine that he was the one marrying Akaashi, could imagine himself carrying the other man during the reception, screaming “Hey! Hey! Hey!” in joy. 

“Bokuto-san.” 

“Akaashi?”

“Ah, sorry if this is awkward.” Akaashi began, leaning close to whisper closely to Bokuto’s ear. “You were my first love, you know?”

All the room in the air suddenly vanished and he could hear his breath hitch. 

“I, I know it was totally unrequited but I just wanted to say it. And I just want to thank you. I was at the Jackals match to support you.” Akaashi continued. Bokuto heard the words but could barely comprehend them. “Thank you for leading me to Osamu-san, Bokuto-san.” 

Bokuto swallowed the lump on his throat, the things he wanted to say. The thoughts slipping by, It wasn’t unrequited. You were my first love too, Akaashi. I still love you. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. Could we start over? 

He reigned them in. One day, maybe he’ll let Akaashi know too. Not today, not when the words still rung true and not a memory to cherish. To his horror, his voice cracked as he said, “Hey! Hey! Hey! Anything for my favorite setter and kouhai!” 

“I heard that!” Atsumu piped in.  

To his eternal gratitude, Konoha and Komi stole Akaashi for a three-way dance which was looking more and more ridiculous. Akaashi humoured them, laughing and radiant. 

The world was very fuzzy. Bokuto could see the outlines of the people, could hear the music playing. But the world felt so misaligned, as if he has almost but not quite tuned in to radio station and static was clashing with sounds. He’s vaguely aware that  Kuroo was leading him out to the gardens but was powerless to do anything but follow.

“Bo, you okay?”

“Kuroo, bro,” he started weakly. “‘Kaashi said I was his first love. That could’ve been me at the altar.” 

Kuroo offered no comfort, just a wince and a pat on the head as Bokuto continued crying.  

“Do you want to leave early, Bo?” 

“In a bit. Not ready to see him so happy but I’m happy he’s happy and ugh, Kuroooo.”  

“They’re cutting the cake now and calling for a toast. ” Kenma called after a few minutes, holding a shot of vodka and offering it to Bokuto.  

Bokuto breathed deeply, wiped his tears and snot with the back of his hands, and slapped his cheeks. “All right, let’s go.” 

Their cake was onigiri-shaped and there was baby onigiri cupcakes on the side. It was so cute and Akaashi looked so happy. He looked so beautiful, like a dream —the best kind of dream, the one you want to bring forth into existence. 

People started clinking their glasses, calling for a kiss. Osamu dipped Akaashi dramatically and kissed him deeply to the cheers of their friends. Bokuto joined the cheers because his heart might be breaking at the moment but he was still truly happy for Akaashi. 

Sarukui approached, looking drunk but Bokuto knew better. “Hey, Bo, you need an out?” 

He nodded. He had great friends. There were people in his life that supported him. There was volleyball still. He had more dreams to pursue, more adventures to be had. He would be okay. He would recover. He could be happy for Akaashi and one day, find his own happiness elsewhere. 

“Mm’kay. We gotta say goodbye though?”  

Bokuto nodded. “You’re the best.”  

Sarukui ruffled his hair. “We always had your back, then and now.”

“‘Kaashi! My dearest kouhai, you are so grooooown up! Getting married before your senpaiiiis.” Sarukui slurred, walking precariously towards the married couple.  

Sarukui looked back and pretended, quite convincingly, that he would trip and Bokuto was with him in an instant.  

“Congratulations, Akaaaaashi!” Sarukui exclaimed, hugging the other man.

“Thank you, Sarukui-senpai.” Akaashi replied, laughing at the wet kiss that was planted on his cheek. 

Turning to Osamu, he declared. “Now you take care of ‘Kaashi, ya hear me?”  

“Of course, Sarukui-san.” 

Sarukui nodded exaggeratedly and clung to Bokuto.

“Bo, I’m gonna vomit I think.” 

“Wha—No!” He turned to the Akaashi and Osamu and hoped that they couldn’t see right through him as he sheepishly said, “I’ll take this drunkard out. But congratulations both of you!” 

Akaashi nodded with a smile as Osamu said his thanks. 

“Now you.” He pointed at Osamu. “You better take care of him and make him happy or we’re all gonna come after you!” 

Osamu smiled at him and Bokuto hated how it looked like he was assessing him, like he found something worth noting but chose not to comment. Osamu and Atsumu had the same eyes but the latter’s didn’t pierce like Osamu’s. “It would be my honor, Bokuto-san. I am so happy to see how Keiji is loved by the people around him.” 

Bokuto nodded and heaved Sarukui up, carrying him on his back. 

“Sarukui, let’s go?” 

Sarukui mumbled in response.  

“Bye, ‘Kaashi! Miya-kun! Congratulations both of you!” 

“Bokuto-san!” Akaashi shouted, his left hand cupped on his cheek. “I can’t wait to watch you in the Olympics, ace!” 

“Hey! Hey! Hey!” He responded, his arm not holding Sarukui raised.  

He once had a dream of marrying Akaashi and carrying him off and loving the other man in the way he deserved. Somehow, he thought it came true in the cruellest way possible. There was a marriage. There was a happy couple and a man loving Akaashi dearly. There was him carrying a man during the reception while saying “Hey! Hey! Hey!”. He wondered, if in some other universe, his heart was bursting with joy and he was the one holding Akaashi by the waist and causing that dark blush and that crinkly-eyed smile. 

 

Was it the wrong time, 

What if we tried giving in a little more

To the warmth we had before?

Is there a lifetime waiting for us?

All this time, I have been yours

-Lifetime, Ben&Ben

Notes:

Kudos and comments make my day and help me a lot, so please do comment/kudos if you enjoyed! I haven't written anything in nearly 7 years until this month (shoutout to the Haikyuu time-skip for sparking this creative recovery).