Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

9 months after your funeral…

Ring ring… ring ring…

Jaehee fished through her purse as she maneuvered through the crowd. Pulling out her cell phone, she pushed aside her now shoulder-length hair. She had forgotten what a hassle it was at this length. 

Ring ring...Ring ri---

“This is Jaehee Kang speaking.” 

“Hello, Mrs. Kang. This is Chairman Han, have you gotten those documents from my son yet?”

“I am outside the Hannam Apartments now. I will get them to you before your 12 o’clock meeting with Harbour Coffee.” 

“Good.” There was a slight pause before the Chairman continued in a worried tone. “When you arrive at the office please tell me how he is doing. He is avoiding my calls.” 

“I will, sir. Goodbye.” Jaehee hung up and pressed the button for the top floor. Despite being the most expensive apartments in Seoul, they couldn't hold a light to Jumin’s old penthouse. 

Two weeks after your funeral, Jumin Han had suddenly packed a suitcase and moved here. It wasn’t a big move; he bought mostly new furniture for it. 

No one was surprised when he left. Everything in the penthouse seemed to remind them of you. Your wedding pictures on the mantel are now collecting dust. Your heirlooms and trinkets, you collected on business trips. The remnants of your favorite wine bottle remain untouched in the fridge. The blue RFA party dress he gave you for the first party is hanging in the closet.

You were everywhere. Sometimes she expected you to come out of the guest room or find you on the couch with Elizabeth the Third.  It was like you never really left. 

The elevator ding brought Jaehee's attention back to the task at hand. She needed to collect the necessary documents, but most importantly, she needed to talk with her friend. 

She knocked on the door. “It is Jaehee.”

She waited, but there weren't any sounds on the other side of the door.

“Mr. Han?” she knocked again. Nothing. “Jumin?” A muffled noise came from inside. “I am coming in.”

She unlocked the door with the spare key. She hated using it, but on days like these, they were necessary. Otherwise, she would have to wait outside for hours. 

She already knew what to expect before she entered. 

Jumin was asleep on the couch with Elizabeth in his arms. Two empty wine bottles and a partly full glass were on the coffee table. It looks like he fell asleep there since he was still wearing his clothes from yesterday. 

The cat yawned and spread its legs out before wiggling out of his grasp. She padded over to Jaehee, mewling for affection and food. 

“Hello, Elizabeth.” She checked her watch. 9:02 am. “Hmmm, I assume he hasn’t fed you yet since he is still asleep.” 

After giving Elizabeth her food, she grabbed a glass of water and some Advil before crouching beside Jumin on the couch. 

“Jumin. It is time to wake up.” She shook him slightly and he groaned in protest. 

Jaehee was thankful his overdrinking had subsided but there were still times when he would overdo it and just shut down. He was still grieving...they all were. 

Sighing, she nudged him harder. “Jumin. You have to get up.”

“Not so loud, Assistant Kang.” Jumin slowly sat up and rubbed his head.

“Here.” She gave him the medicine and water. He quickly downed both.

“The last time this happened was two weeks ago.” Jahehee stood up and fixed her skirt before sitting on the armrest. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

Jumin lowered his head. “No. I just… found something. It... still had her perfume,” he cleared his throat. “I’m fine now.” 

Elizabeth had finished her food and was now making herself comfortable in Jumin’s lap, purring as he petted her.

“It’s okay if you’re not,” Jaehee whispered. 

“What?” 

“It’s okay to not be okay.” 

“I’m fine,” he said curtly.

“Mr. Han. I have known you for over five years. You always masked how you were feeling and kept everything locked away until you met y/n. I watched you change and grow as a person. It may be different from before, but I can tell when you are putting on a mask.” 

“I have done no such thing.”

“I may wear glasses, but I’m not blind.”

“You’re one to talk. You don’t seem to be pretending. How are you doing so well when your best friend is dead?” He snapped. Jumin’s face instantly fell, realizing what he said. “I’m sorry. I did not mean that.”

“I know.” Jaehee stood and started to clean off the coffee table. “People deal with grief differently. Everyone in the RFA is still grieving in their own ways. I… I have accepted it.” 

She set the bottles on the kitchen counter and rinsed out the wine glass. “But you were each other's whole world. You shouldn't force yourself to be okay when you still need to grieve. You don’t have to pretend to be okay.” 

Jumin put Elizabeth to the side and walked to the window. 

“I don’t think I will ever stop feeling this way.” 

Jumin stared out at the city in silence as Jaehee started to make coffee for the two of them in the kitchen. This had become a daily routine for them. Jaehee would come by before work, make coffee, check on him, and go over reports for the day. He was slowly getting in the mood to work again, so his father gave him three projects to work on. Nothing too important, but enough to help him stay busy. 

Jumin ran his hand through his unkempt hair. “Thank you for your kind words, Assistant Kang. How is working with my father going?”

“It is going well, though I much prefer working with you.” 

Jumin chuckled at that. “I am glad to hear he isn’t overloading you with work.”

“Yes, well...I made my conditions very clear when I agreed to work with his team.”

“Thank you.” Jumin walked to his desk and sat down. “I haven’t checked the app lately. Would you fill me in?”

“Of course. Today is Yoosung’s first day as a Vet Tech in the animal hospital downtown. I was a bit worried he wouldn't get it since he almost missed the interview.”

Jumin sipped on his coffee. “I’m glad he decided to follow that path. He makes a  better Vet than a businessman.”

“Haha, I agree. Zen got an offer for another role a few days ago and will be auditioning for it tomorrow.” Jaehee’s smile falters a little. “Seven isn't on very much still, but he says both he and saeran are doing well. It has been harder for them. But V will be taking them to the mountains in a week to take a break from everything.”

“Are they still...”

“I think so. I don’t think they have stopped searching for the people who took her.”

He sighed. “I should talk to them.”

“What do you mean? I thought you agreed with them?”

“I did before, and I still sort of do. But it's like you said...we can't push our pain away. I can’t watch them overwork themselves because of my selfish request.” Jumin said as he started looking for his phone.

“I think it is more than that to them.”

Jumin found his phone on the floor and checked it. The last notification popped up on his screen.

6 missed calls from Zen? Whatever. I don't have time for him.

He slid his phone into his back pocket and looked at Jaehee.

“You might be right about that. Shall we discuss the reports then?” 

“Are you sure you don't want to change? Or maybe shower first?”

Filing through the papers, Jumin finds the documents he needed. “I can do that when you leave.” 

Jaehee grimaced a little. “If you say so.” 

---Somewhere in a neighborhood in the outskirts of Ansan, Korea (south of Seoul)---

In your parents' garden, a soft breeze flows through the yard, making the flowers dance and the wind chimes jingle. You lay under the big orange tree in the corner of the yard. You're not sure why but it is your favorite spot in the garden. It feels familiar somehow. Maybe you did this before as a child? Lay here looking up at the green leaves and the vast sky just past them. If you squint the sky almost looks green. But not anymore with all the blooms that have sprouted along the branches. In a few weeks, you will have some juicy oranges to snack on. 

I can't wait to eat oranges again. When was the last time I had them?  

You struggle to recall but are interrupted when you hear your mother's voice. 

“You silly child, did that accident make you deaf as well as forgetful?”

“Oh. Sorry, mother. I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Well, wash up and help me set the table. Dinner is ready.”

“Okay, I'm coming.”

“Good girl, Soo Jin. I am happy you are with us again.”

Chapter Text

The first thing I remember is the fog. This thick cloud weighs heavily on my shoulders. I do not know how I got here, nor how to leave. Unable to move, I try to grasp at thoughts, but nothing forms. This fog has everything I am missing, but it shows me nothing. Not even mercy.

Wisps of smoke float around me freely. They point in different directions, each one indicating something is in the fog with me. But oddly, I know whatever is there isn’t going to hurt me. It is just as lost as I am.

I don’t know how long I stood in the emptiness that surrounded me, but it felt like an eternity. Soon, I became aware of something pulling me. I had nowhere else to go, so I let myself be pulled through the smoke. The heaviness dissipated around me as I left the fog. Though I was happy to have the weight off my soul, I couldn’t help but feel I left something behind.

I focus on what’s ahead. I can hear something beeping in the distance. Distant and muffled voices whisper somewhere above me.

Slowly, the beeping gets louder.

“She’s waking up!” an older woman’s voice said in alarm. “Quick! Honey, go get Yong-min.”

There are sounds of furniture moving and footsteps hastily walking away.

My eyes flutter open, but I flinch at the bright light that hangs from the ceiling above me.

Objects slowly come into focus. White ceilings. A large monitor is next to my head. Two tacky green chairs in the corner of the room, one looks a. Various doctor’s equipment and strange tools are scattered across the counter. The white walls are given one muted painting to add color to the bare room.

Movement brings my attention back to where I lay connected by tubes and wires to the monitor. There is another chair at the foot of my bed…someone was just there. An older woman I don’t recognize steps into view at my right side, startling me.

“Hey, sweetie,” she says softly. She sees the startled confusion on my face and begins to soothe me. “Oh, hey, it's okay. Mommy’s here. You are going to be okay.” She tried to hold my hand, but Ipull back from her touch.

No.

“Sweetie, it's okay.” She gently tries to take my hand again. “You’re in the hospital. There was a bad accident, but you're better now.” My throat is so dry I can only grunt in protest.

No…I don’t like this.

I finally find the words to speak. “Who…Who are you?” my voice is hoarse from lack of use.

The woman’s face falls, and instantly becomes concerned. “It’s me, Soo-jin. I’m your mother.” She now holds my hand with both of hers. They feel uncomfortably cold. I try to pull away, but it only makes her tighten her grip.

“Soo-Jin. It’s okay. I’m your mom.”

Something isn't right...

“You..I’m.. Who?” I struggle to find words as I try to scoot away from the older woman claiming to be my mother. I don’t know hats happening but I know I am scared. My heart is starting to race and the monitor starts to match my panicked heartbeat.

“Honey, it's okay. Calm down.” My so-called mother makes another failed attempt to soothe me.

My monitor must have alerted the staff because a nurse runs into to room and tries to talk my “mother” into letting me go.

“Mrs. Kim, Dr. Ji is on his way. Please let her go, her head injury requires her not to be stressed.”

As she loosens her grip, a Doctor and an older gentleman come jogging into the room.

The older gentleman walks to his wife’s side and rests his hands around the woman’s shoulders, causing her to relax a little. She reluctantly let’s go of my hands.

“Soo-jin, I am glad to see you are awake. You had us worried,” the doctor said, turning my attention away from the couple. The doctor sends the nurse back to their duties before checking the monitors.

He…feels familiar, but I don’t know why.

“How are you feeling?” he says as he pulls a stool next to my bed.

“I…What’s going on?”

“You were in a bad accident when our family home caught fire and burned down. You were spared from the fire, but you were hit by falling debris and caused severe head trauma. You have been unconscious for almost three weeks.”

I tried to wrap my head around what the doctor was telling me.

“You said our home? Who are you?”

Something flashed in his eyes as he looked into mine before vanishing. It happened too quickly to decipher what it was. It felt…wrong?

“My name is Dr. Ji, but you have always called me brother.”

“I don’t remember you.”

He looked at me inquisitively. “What do you remember?”

I tried to think, but my head throbbed. I couldn't find anything. Panicked tears started to form in my eyes.

“Nothing... I-I don’t remember anything.”

After a few seconds of strained silence, the doctor speaks up again.

“You don’t remember anything?” Yong-min asks. “Do you remember your name?”

“It’s..it’s um—”

“Soo-jin! It’s Soo-jin.” The woman interjects. She trembles as she fights to hold in her tears.

“Mother, please. I need to hear from her.” Yong-min turned to his parents.

The old man beside her guided her up from her chair. “Let’s go into the hallway, dear.”

The woman was hesitant but followed her husband outside. The doctor turned back to you. You sat there in the hospital bed in a shocked stupor.

Why can’t I remember anything? I should…I should at least know my name…

That woman keeps calling me Soo-jin. Is that…who I am?

“Soo-jin?” Yong-min leans closer to you, making you look up at him. “Oh, you responded. I suppose that is a start.”

“I guess I did. But I still don’t think…I don’t know if I am who you think.”

“I understand. You’re confused and scared. Based on what you told me, it seems your head trauma was much more severe than I initially thought.”

“You said I was in an accident when our house caught on fire. How did that happen?”

“As I said before, you were spared from the fire, but you were hit by falling debris when you were escaping. You were house-sitting for our parents while they were away on vacation. The police believe it was an accident. The fire spread quickly, and we lost most of our belongings.”

“I see. That’s terrible.” You lower your head to stare at your hands. They were still clutching the bedsheet. You tried to relax a little, but realized something.  

Odd. It didn't look like you had any burns. So what caused the head injury?

Yong-min put his hand on your shoulder. “It was just items and knick-knacks. We are just happy we didn’t lose you again.”

Wait

“Again?

“Hm?

“What do you mean again?”

Yong-min looked as if he had let out a secret. “Ah, that probably sounds strange since you don’t remember what happened before the accident either. You kind of cut us out of your life before. We didn’t reconnect until about two years ago. It was as though we had lost a family member while you were gone.”

He turns and starts scanning the monitor. He occasionally writes notes on the clipboard in his hands.

“O-oh.”

This was so weird. You were learning so much about Soo-jin... oh uh…yourself… and you had just woken up from a coma 30 minutes ago. Everything was happening so fast. Trying to process it all made your head hurt.

“How do I know that I’m who you say I am?” you ask.

“I suppose you just have to trust me.” Yong-min smiles as he finishes writing his notes and presses the ‘call nurse’ button on the wall.

I am going to have the nurses run some diagnostics and an MRI. See if we can find out what is going on in there.” He pokes the middle of your forehead. “I’ll also ask our parents to bring pictures tomorrow. Maybe that will help bring back your memories. It will also keep them occupied for the rest of the day so you don’t have to worry about them smothering you today.”

“Um. Thank you, Dr. Ji.”

“Soo-jin, please. I may be your doctor, but I am your brother first.”

You nod and he leaves you to your thoughts.

I guess…there isn’t much I can do right now, you think to yourself.

THE NEXT DAY

“And here you are with your father on your first day of kindergarten. Oh! This one is so precious; you and your brother are playing in the yard together. This was you the day we brought you home from the hospital.” Your mother — who you discovered is called Hee-Young Kim, had brought over the (only slightly damaged) photos and memorabilia they were able to gather from the ashes. She spread them out all over your hospital bed and told you all about what was happening when it was taken.

“Let’s see…” She picks up a picture that has one side burned off, but the rest of the picture is fine. “That person was burned out, but I think it was your uncle’s birthday.” She rotates it a bit. “Or maybe your grandpa’s funeral?”

Your father, Beom Kim, sat beside her. He was more soft-spoken than his wife, but when he did speak, his voice was gentle and comforting. He dug into the bag they brought and pulled out an old stuffed rabbit.

“Here, sweetie,” He hands it to you. “This was yours. You took this everywhere you went up until middle school.” He smiles at the memory.

“Thank you.” You bring the stuffed animal up to your face. It smells of smoke and dust but there is also a subtle smell of…something you can’t make out.

Seeing the look on your face, your father spoke up once more. “We can wash it a few more times, but It might be a while before the smell is gone.”

You look at the photos that cover you. You notice most of them are of you as a child. The oldest you are in these pictures is maybe ten or eleven years old.

“Do we have any more recent pictures? I am so young in these it's hard to tell if it is me.”

 Your mother’s face falters as she pauses her story, “these aren’t ringing any bells?”

“No…I’m sorry.”

“Oh sweetie, don’t be sorry. It’s okay. The doctors said it may take some time.”

“We have some of our recent pictures but there aren’t many with you in them. After you reconnected with us you were only with us for a few months out of the year before the fire.”

“Why was that? What would I do?”

“Work mostly. You were a chef in the city over from where we lived. The restaurant closed down a month or so before the accident. Let’s see…I might have some with me. Ah! Here.

She pulls out six photos of you that seem to have been taken in the past two years. Two of them were selfies of you eating ice cream in the park and one with a person who has been mostly burned off. The others were family pictures taken on vacation at a beach somewhere.

That…defiantly looks like me, or at least very similar.

“I'll bring some more when we visit tomorrow.” Your mother said. She started to gather the scattered pictures.

“Thanks... mom.”

She beamed when she heard those words. “Anything for you, Soo-jin.”

Later that night your mind was still racing from all the new information.

So much has happened that I don’t remember. Is any of it real?

I guess that they had those pictures of me so…it must be.

I must be their daughter. I must be Soo-jin….

Right?

Chapter Text

~~10 weeks after your funeral~~

ZEN

“Damn. I’m out of beer.” Zen cursed as he searched his fridge. “I guess I’ll go buy some. Hmm I should also get some more milk.”

Zen grabbed his wallet and keys before disguising himself in his usual garb. He made his way to the convenience store a few streets over. It was getting dark out so he would have to hurry. He didn’t like being outside at night in his disguise. It made him feel like a creep.

He rounded the last corner and stopped in his tracks. The convenience store had three guys sitting off to the side smoking. It wasn’t unusual for customers to smoke once they buy, but for him it was a big deal. It’s been almost two years since he quit smoking and his cravings had come back at full force since you died.

He watched as the men put the cigarette to their lips and puffed. Smoke bellowed out of their mouths. That smell was so distinct he could almost remember the taste of it.

Zen shook his head and braved his way into the store.

Nope. Not happening.

He repeated these words as he shopped.

You're so much better now. It’s not good to smoke.

He refused to look at the cigarette case as he checked out.

Just a little further.

Once out of the store, Zen jogged back home. He needed to get away. After he got inside, Zen flopped on the couch, not even bothering to unpack the few items he bought now abandoned in the doorway.

Come on Hyun, you know it wont help. You’ve lasted this long.

He pulled out his phone and opened his photos. He scrolled to his favorite picture of you and Zen together. It was a selfie of both of you backstage after one of his plays. The other RFA members weren’t able to come but you did. It had meant the world to him.

For her.

Just then he got a text message from Jaehee.

Jaehee: hey, you able to talk?

Zen: Sure, whats up.

Jaehee: Im nervous about tomorrow.

Zen: You? Nervous?

Jaehee: strange I know.

Zen: Call me. Let’s talk about it.

The two friends talked on the phone for over an hour before saying their goodbyes. In the end, they decided to meet for coffee the next morning to finish their conversation.

Zen stepped out onto his apartment’s roof and took in a deep breath. Holding it in, he closed his eyes and let the wind flow through his hair before letting it out. The stars were as pretty as ever tonight, but they had changed.

“Don’t worry y/n. I will keep my promise.” He whispered.

JAEHEE

Jaehee stood in front of the mirror examining her outfit. She straightened her skirt and turned a little to see every angle. It felt strange putting on her work uniform again after not wearing it for so long.

Chairman Han had offered her a temporary assistant position with his branch until Jumin is more suitable to return to work.

“Yes. This is better.” Jaehee walked past three other discarded outfits on the bed she left her room. Once it was time to leave, she grabbed her purse and office items she prepared the night before from the table.

She walked to the café she and Zen decided to meet for breakfast. Once there, Jaehee was able to easily spot him in the crowd. She knew every one of his disguises since they met up so often to chat.

“Oh, hey Jaehee.” He said. “Here I saved us a spot.”

Zen ordered a waffle topped with fruit and powdered sugar and a mango smoothy. Jaehee decided to get the specialty coffee and strawberry crepe. Jaehee didn’t realize how hungry she was. She had to keep herself from drooling. As they ate, the two friends continued their conversation from the night before.

“The Chairman would do that?” Zen said in disbelief. He scoffed. “I don’t blame you for being nervous. I always thought he was more…loose compared to Jumin.”

“He was for most things but when it came down to business, he got very serious.” She took a sip of her coffee and sighed. “Life has been so crazy since I last worked. I know I will do a good job. It’s just…well..”

“so much has changed.” Zen finished for her.

“yeah.” Taking another bite, she pointed her fork at him. “So what’s this about not accepting that role from that new director?”

“Ah. I was hoping you’d forget about that.” Zen winced.

“How could I? it’s a big deal.”

“noooo it’s not.”

“To me it is. I’m worried about you.” Jaehee said. “You rejected a no audition role and you haven’t even mentioned any new auditions.” She looked down at her lap. “I know I may be overstepping since everyone is taking her death differently. I just don’t want you to lose these opportunities. You worked so hard to get here.”

“I understand Jaehee, but you don’t need to worry about my career.” He reached over and squeezed her hand. “I will be fine. I just…don’t think I should be on stage for a little while. I need time to get myself sorted before I can do better.”

“Okay.” She checked her watch. “I should go. Thank you for meeting me.”

“Anytime, Jaehee.”

Calming her nerves, she made her way to work for the first time since you died.

YOOSUNG

Yoosung stood on the corner of the sidewalk with dozens of other people as he waited to cross the street. It’s been three days since Yoosung finished his internship for C&R. The internship gave him some time and work experience after he graduated but now…he didn’t know how to move forward.

In the past few weeks, the internship was the main reason he didn’t shut himself in his apartment— well, that and his mom who had come to stay with him when she heard you had died. She was a big help.

He had reached his destination. Staring up at the colorful sign, Yoosung remembered the day you first brought him here two years ago. Jumin was away on a business trip at the time and you were feeling lonely.

               “Y/n, as much as I want to do this, wouldn’t Jumin get upset?”

               “Oh, He wouldn’t be upset. Besides, what my husband doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

                You laughed gleefully as you entered the Dog rescue shelter. So carefree.

               You had volunteered the two of you to spend the day there with the animals and prepare them for new homes.

               "They need our help. You can’t say no Yoosung!” you put your hands on your hips and pouted.

              He sighed in compliance and followed you to the dog play pin.

It was one of his favorite memories. A secret kept between the two of you.

Yoosung wiped a stray tear away before entering the building. God, he missed you.

Yoosung decided that getting out and volunteering again would be helpful. It would cheer him up and maybe even get him back on track to being a veterinarian. This rescue was the best place to start.

JUMIN

Ever since you died, Jumin had felt numb.

He turned every picture of you together face down. He slept in the guest bedroom because he couldn’t bear not waking up in bed next to you. And when he couldn’t sleep, he drank until he could.

He was numb. Heavy. He didn’t leave the penthouse and he didn’t talk to anyone but the RFA, his father. And Elizabeth the Third.

In some of his more casual clothes, Jumin gave his apartment one last look before leaving. He had decided to move into another penthouse but couldn’t sell this one. Not yet. He didn’t need to bring everything with him, just the necessities and Elizabeth the third. Poor girl was doing her best to comfort him.

He grabbed the suitcase handle and closed the door.

“It’s nice to see you going out sir.” Chief Kim said as he escorted Jumin to the lobby.

“Yes. Please tell the driver we are making a quick stop before going to the new penthouse.”

“Would you like us to accompany you, sir?”

“No, that’s not needed where we are going. It’s plenty safe. Just meet me at the new building,”

Ever since you died, Jumin had felt numb.

Jumin wasn’t numb anymore. Now he was angry.

Jumin stood outside of 707’s apartment, his leg bounced impatiently as he waited to be greeted.

The door finally opened to reveal a slightly confused redhead.

“Hey Jumin, why the sudden house call.”

“I need your help.”

“Oookay? With what?”

“I want your help in tracking those bastards down and making them pay.”

“What? Jumin, are you serious?” Saeyoung looked taken aback by his outburst.

“Of course, I am? Why wouldn’t I be? They took my wife from me. Your close friend.”

Before Saeyoung could do anything else, Saeran appeared from around the corner.

“I’ll do it.” He said. He looked calm, but there was a deep anger in his eyes.

SAERAN + SAEYOUNG

“Wha-now wait.” Saeyoung stammered.

“I said I would do it.” He said curtly.

“But—” Saeyoung started to protest but his brother cut him off.

“But what? What is there to argue about?”

Jumin piped up. “It seems you two should discuss this. I will leave you to work this out. Call me when you’ve made your decision.” And with that, he left as quickly as he came. Saeyoung stood there with the door still open looking confused at what happened. He closed it and turned to his brother.

“We shouldn’t do it.” Saeyoung’s words pierced through his heart. Saeran tried to keep himself calm.

“Why? Why don’t you want to do this?” Saeran stormed over to his brother, determined to get his way. “This is our chance to avenger her. To find her killers!”

 He pointed a finger into Saeyoung’s chest. “Why are you holding back? Don’t you want this?”

“Of course, I want to find them but it's not smart to search as we are now,” Saeyoung said in an effort to calm him down.

“What?”

“As an agent, I was able to do everything because I wasn’t attached. It's like how doctors can’t treat family members or police can’t be on cases they are personally close to. It hinders effectiveness.” He was starting to raise his voice.

“but we can find them! We are the best in our field.”

“Don’t you see Saeran! They are already gone! They’ve been gone! We couldn’t find them in time. They were on our level a-and three steps ahead every time. We couldn’t find them when it mattered so why would we have a chance at finding them now?” Saeyoung yelled, no longer holding back his voice.

“Because if we don’t try it would be like we willingly let this happen!” Saeran said loudly as he started to tremble. The room fell silent. Saeyoung could see the tears that were forming in his brother’s eyes.

“She fought to save me from Mint eye. She stood by my side as I got over my addiction. She helped me put myself back together after I went through hell.” Tears now streamed down Saeran’s cheeks. “She did all that for me when she didn’t have to because she was truly good.” He hid his face behind his hands, but that didn’t stop the passion from overflowing. “She deserves this. She deserves justice and I will be damned if I don’t continue to fight for her. I will fight for her.”

Saeyoung could only stand there in stunned silence and tears now crawled down his face. He moved his glasses and wiped his eyes as he moved toward his brother. With one big motion, he brought his brother in for a giant hug.

“You’re right. She deserves justice. But I….I-I don’t… I’m scared.” He admitted. “I'm scared of what I will do if we find them and I’m scared of what happens if we don’t. I just…don't think we should. We are too close.”

“Then stop thinking like an agent and start thinking like a hacker. I know we can do this brother. With Jumin’s resources and our combined forces, we can find these evil scums and bring them out of hiding.”

“Maybe you should stop watching those old-timey mafia movies. You're using so much old slang.

“I'm serious.”

“Me too.” Saeyoung sighs and releases his brother. “Okay. Let’s do it.”

Chapter Text

~~11 weeks after your funeral~~

Today was the day. You were finally being released from the hospital. That dreaded white cell faded into a nice, quiet neighborhood.

You shifted in your seat as you watched the city go by. You were happy to be out of there after all those tests, treatments, and the constant oversight of your doctor /brother.

It makes sense that he was concerned but it was honestly suffocating.

The car slowed and came to a stop in front of a large white traditional zen style fence. If you stood on your tippy-toes you could barely see over the top to see the house hiding behind it and the branches of a tree reaching over the fence.

“This way Soo Jin.” Your mother ushered you over the dark wood gate that opened to reveal a good-sized courtyard. There were so many flowers of all sizes and colors that led the way to the front door. There was even a small cherry tree on the left side of the entrance. That must be the base for those branches I saw over the fence.

You could hear water trickling nearby, maybe a pond of sorts or even a fountain.

“Wow,” you said in astonishment. “Mother you never mentioned the garden was this beautiful.”

Your mother laughed. “Oh-ho-ho, sweetie. This is just the entrance. The garden is off to the right there

behind the house. But first, we must get you settled in, then the tour.”

You watch as your mother instructs a few helpers to bring your items into the house. Since your stuff was burned with the old house, your parents let you pick all new items and clothes while you stayed with them during your recovery. At least, that is what they said, but they made it sound like you would be there longer than they insisted.

You turn back to the house and scan your surroundings. Its was so serene. The house had a traditional style like the fence but had been modernized in a few areas. It was a nice mixture of the two. Each style’s detail clearly defined but melded together perfectly. 

“Come, Soo Jin. I’ll show you to your room.” You mother said as she waited by the door for you.

“Ah. Yes. Of course.”

The inside of the house was just as exquisite as the outside. You couldn’t help but be in awe.

“How are we able to afford this kind of house after our old one burned down? Are we rich or something?”

“We are well off, mostly thanks to your brother. he does so much to provide for this family.”

“So..we are rich. Being ‘well off’ sounds like something a rich person would say.”

“Hmm. Not exactly rich but we are upper class.”

That’s oddly vague but okay.

“I didn’t realize being a doctor paid that well. I mean, I know they make good money, but I never expected this.”

“Your bother has done amazing things to get this family where it is today. He even managed to bring you back from the dead practically.”

“huh?”

"Oh-uh..well…” she stumbled over her words for a second before regaining her composure. “we weren’t sure if you were ever going to wake up. Your brother had to perform an emergency brain surgery on you to prevent your brain from swelling too much.”

“He did? Why didn’t you mention this before?”

“you’re still recovering. We don’t want to stress you out too much while you are regaining your memories and such.”

That…makes sense…I guess.

Before you could ask for more info, your mother stopped abruptly in front of you.

“Here it is!” she said excitedly, turning to get your approval. “what do you think, sweetie?”

“It’s nice.” You look around the empty room. “I’m looking forward to decorating it a little.”

“That’s a wonderful sweetie!” Your mother wrapped you in a hug. “I'm so glad your back home with us.”

“Yeah. Me too.” You hugged her back.

“Okay, you can help me with dinner while your father tells the movers what to do with your things.”

LATER THAT EVENING

“Wow, that was delicious. Thank you, mother.” You leaned back in your seat and rubbed your belly. That was waaaayy better than the food you ate in the hospital.

“I'm glad you enjoyed it Soo Jin and you don’t have to be so formal. You can call me mom.” She looked at you with almost pleading eyes.

“Okay…mom.” Just by saying that one word her face lit up. It was a sweet moment but as you thought about it…something seemed off.

Was it really that big of a deal I called her mom? Even if I called her that before, it's not like it a special nickname or anything. Oh well, I guess she just missed hearing it.

You brushed it off and began to help your father clean the table before your mom stopped you.

“Oh no no no, we will take care of that. It's been a long day. You should rest.” She took the dishes you collected and handed them to your dad.

“I fine, really. I don’t mind hel—”

“Nope.” She took the rest of the dishes before you could. “Oh, don’t go anywhere yet, I want to talk with you.” She called behind her as she went into the kitchen.

“I- uh- okay.” You just awkwardly stood there now. You weren’t sure what to do so you just sat back down.

After a few minutes both your parents returned.

“Soo-jin, we wanted to talk about some rules we have.” Your father said. His voice always surprised you, mostly because it was always your mother doing the talking.

“Oh, okay.” You straightened your back a little to seem more responsive. You still weren’t sure how to act around them. They always seem to expect more from you somehow but you weren’t sure why you felt that way.

“We ask that you don’t go into our rooms or offices unannounced.” He said authoritatively.

“Once you have regained enough strength your only duties will be to help in the garden.” Your mother said looking proud of herself. “But until then you are to rest and not do anything that will cause you stress.”

Your father took a  breath before saying the next one. Like he was preparing for something.

“So, since you had such a traumatic injury and your now suffer from amnesia, we don’t want you going anywhere alone,” he said. “You must have one of us, your brother, or our assistants escort you. You have to tell us when you are leaving and where you are going.”

Wow, really? That’s excessive.

“You also cannot leave town. Your brother doesn’t think you are suitable for travel.” Your mother piped in.

“Don’t you think that is a bit much? I’m an adult. I think I would be able to travel down the street by myself.”

“We don’t want to fight about it. You broth—your doctor suggested it. It's for your own good. We can’t have you forgetting where you are or have a seizer in an alleyway alone.”

“But I... understand. I guess.” You couldn’t really argue with their logic. Although it sounded ridiculous. Neither of those scenarios has happened since you woke up.

Your parents looked relieved that you weren’t going to fight it.

“Great!” your mother clapped her hands together before continuing. “Well, why don’t we go over some more pictures I found? I was digging through—”

“I am actually kind of tired,” you interrupted as you stood from your seat. “Can I go to bed?”

“Of course sweetie. Do you need anything to help you sleep?” she stood up and started to fuss over you.

“No mom. Thanks.” You shooed her approaching hand away.

Once you got to your room, you studied your surroundings. Most of the furniture and item they bought for you were unpacked and put together but some boxes were untouched in the corner of your room.

“Hmmm, it could still use some work. It's pretty bland in here.” You whispered to yourself.

You found some pajamas and got ready for bed. It was only 8:45 p.m. but you were exhausted. Not long after your head hit the pillow were you fast asleep.

You started to dream.

You dreamed you were in a grand ballroom, a golden chandelier hung from the ceiling in the center. Music was playing in the background as people mingled in groups. They were in all sorts of attire. Most wore elegant gowns or tuxedos but there were a few guests who stood out from the crowd.

Is that guy wearing armor? You turn around to find another guest wearing a hazmat suit.

What an odd clothing choice to wear to a party. Wait… what am I wearing?

You looked down to find you wore a long light blue dress with ruffles down the slit in the right side. It was beautiful.

You were admiring the details of your dress when a waiter offered you a try of snack foods.

“would you like any hors-d’oeuvres, miss?”

“No thanks, I just ate dinner.”

“At…noon?” he asked confused.

“No?” now you both were confused.

Suddenly, a familiar voice came from the front of the ballroom.

That voice. Where have I heard it?

You follow the crowd to the front of the room where a slender woman stood on a stage, but what was scary was… she didn’t have a face.

“Hello everyone and welcome to Avn@JF’s party.

Your head began to throb as she spoke.

Ow. Ugh. What's going on?

“For any% newcomers the IR!JC$F is an org$$^%anization where #@SSjjuTS, @!@EMSKEO@!$%%SCNSRK”

“Arg..ahhh!” you whined out as you put your head in your hands. Why does it hurt so much?

You bolt upright in a cold sweat gasping for air as you clutched your head. After a few seconds of heavy breathing, the pain resides.

What was that?  

You look at the clock set up on the dresser. 4:33 a.m.

You lay back down but the adrenaline pumping through your veins says you won't be going back to sleep anytime soon.  

Chapter Text

~~13 weeks after your funeral

Vanderwood entered the apartment. After he and Saeyoung escaped the agency, he hid out in the apartment complex next to sevens. Now after all these years, he is still cleaning up that idiot’s messes. He hadn’t been there in a month since he was traveling for work and he was already dreading what he would find.

The hum of computer fans and rapid typing filled the air. The apartment was dark but there was just enough light to see the empty cans of Phd. Pepper, Honey buddah bags, and empty takeout strewn across the tables and floor. 

Great. Now I’m scared to turn on the lights.

He rubbed his hand against the stubble on his cheek and went further into the room.

The main sources of light were five computer monitors and their busy components, illuminating the twins in their natural element. Well at least one of them. The other was laying on the floor either dead or sleeping, and knowing these two it could be anyone’s guess.

An error sound popped onto the monitor and the twin (who sounded like Saeran) cursed before starting over. They didn’t know he had come in.

“Struggling with an assignment?” Vanderwood said as he stood in the doorway. He knew not to get to close when they were in the zone. He has taken one too many blows to the gut to forget.

Saeran jumped up in surprise and put up his hands.

“It’s just me,” Vanderwood said calmly. “Can I turn on the lights?”

Saeran loosened his stance before going back to work at his computer. “Not right now. He’s sleeping.” He nodded in the direction of his brother.

“Maybe you should too? When was the last time you took a break?”

“6 hours ago. I’m fine. Just let him sleep a little longer.”

“Okay… I’ll start in the other rooms then.” As he turned to go Saeyoung sat up sleepily.

“Who are you talki—AHH!!” Saeyoung stood up and flung himself into Vanderwood’s arms.

“AHHHH My sweet Mary Vanderwood. How I have missed you!”

“Ugh. Get of meee” Vanderwood groaned as he tried to peel himself from the redhead’s grip. “I wasn’t gone that long.”

“You were gone long enough I didn’t recognize you! You changed your look again.” The redhead whined.

Vanderwood had to cut his hair when they first went underground. He was too recognizable in his old style. In his more recent disguise, he kept the top longer and softer than the sides and would push his bangs to the side. It was different from what he had while working under the agency but it looked cool. Almost like those pop idols he sees all over TV. A common but sexy hairstyle. Vanderwood also grew a slight beard but usually wouldn’t keep it for long. He preferred to be clean-shaven.

“You’re also blind as shit without your glasses,” He walked past him and looked at their computer screens. “what are you so intently working on?”

“I'm getting revenge,” Saeran said bluntly. It was clear that was all they would be getting out of him.

“Care to explain?” He asked Saeyoung.

“Jumin hired us to track down MC’s Kidnappers. We thought that we could find them since we had more time and money but….we keep hitting dead ends.”

“How is that possible? You two combined are able two of the best hackers in Korea—no the entire continent.”

“I Know!” Seven threw his hands in the air. “IM GOD SEVEN! GENIUS HACKER! I had rivals sure, but I hardly ever met a challenge I could not win.” He sighed “Whoever planned this made sure that all the bases were covered. We are barely finding the breadcrumbs. They left no physical or electronic traces they didn’t want us to find.”

“Comfort me,” he tried to hug Vanderwood again.

“No.” a rejected seven slouched over dramatically.

Vanderwood thought for a moment. “Do you think that one of the agencies could be behind this?”

“The thought occurred to me but I don’t think so. We still have the crumbs.” Saeyoung walked back to his computer and began to prepare his work. “We are still piecing together what we’ve found.”

Vanderwood watched the twins get sucked into their work once more.

“Okay,” he sighed, “If you need me for anything, I am happy to help.” 

“Thanks” Saeyoung nodded before turning back to the screen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jumin sat quietly at his dining table. He had barely touched his breakfast. Instead, he simply watched as Elizabeth the Third ate for her crystal bowl on the counter. She seemed to be taking the adjustment to the new penthouse fairly well, though she was still getting used to their new home.

Jumin hated uprooting her like this. After they both experienced such heartbreak. Before the move, Elizabeth would sometimes wait by the door, as if she expected you to walk through. Now in the new apartment, she watches the door from her favorite spot on the couch. She is waiting for you to come home. She doesn’t understand that you won’t be coming home anymore.

Jumin starts to tear up and Elizabeth looks up from her morning feast. She trots over to her owner’s feet and weaves her way around his legs trying to comfort him.

“Hello Beautiful,” Jumin bends over to grab the white cat. He gently picks her up and places her in his lap. Elizabeth looks up at him with big blue eyes filled with love and concern for her master. “I'm sorry. Am I worrying you?”

He strokes her soft fur pulls his hand over his face in an effort to clear his head. His course hand messages his cheeks. A cold metallic band on his left hand brings him back into the present. Your wedding ring is the only memory he brought with him from before.

Living life without you was…well…it wasn’t hell but it was a kind of torture so deep it cut his heart in two at the mere mention of your name.  Even talking about you among the RFA was hard.

Jumin understood that everyone was grieving in their own way.

He understood that guilt was overwhelming Zen.

That Jaehee has begun to heal herself.

That Yoosung clung to the memories you shared by reliving them.

That anger had consumed the twins, with his fuel adding to the fire.

The one thing he didn’t understand was the immense darkness that had grown inside him. It was like the numbness he felt before. It was a mixture of the rage and fear and sadness the had consumed him from his mourning.

Jumin placed Elizabeth back on the floor as he stood and cleared the table. He used to have the maid do it, but he found that keeping his hands busy helps to keep the darkness at bay.

Jumin slowly did his morning routine, though by now it was already noon.

After breakfast, Jumin would brush his teeth, shower, fix his hair, and put on clean clothes.

Once that was done, Jumin would grab a book and sit in the reading nook while Elizabeth the third played at his feet. Sometimes he would read. Most of the time he would look out the nook’s grand window and watch the city live out another day.

Today he chose the book “In Search of Lost Time” by Marcel Proust. It was quite fitting for the mood he was in today.

Lost time…lost love…just…Lost.

Jumin stared as the city thrived below. About an hour had passed when a sudden knock on the door startled him from his stupor.

“Were you expecting someone?” He asked Elizabeth as he stood and fixed his shirt. She only stared blankly at his question. Jumin chuckled, “I’ll take that as a no.”

He opened the door to find V waiting for him.

“Hello.” Jumin smiled, “It has been a while.”

V smiled at his childhood friend, “Yes. It has been hasn’t it.”

“Please come in,” Jumin gestured for him to enter the apartment. “Forgive the mess, this visit was quite unexpected.”

“Ah. I tried to call but you didn’t answer.”

“You did?” Jumin checked his phone to find 4 missed calls. One from Jaehee, one from his father, and two from V. “It must have been on silent. I didn’t even hear it ring.”

“It’s okay. I was hoping you would join me for lunch today. It has been a while since you’ve left the apartment.”

“I suppose…it wouldn’t hurt.” Jumin said. “what do you have planned?”

The small smile on his friend’s face spread with excitement. “I was thinking we could eat at ‘Gongsang’ by the aquarium.”

Jumin turned to his hall closet to grab his coat. He didn’t feel like putting on a suit today. “

“So, V…” Jumin slid the coat over his shoulders as he spoke. “I was wondering what prompted this sudden lunch.”

“Can’t a guy be worried about his friends?” V said as he pushed his teal hair from his face.

“If it were anyone else, I would suspect there was a catch.” Jumin laughed as he put his hands in the large coat pockets. He paused.

“It’s a good thing I’m not anyone then…” V noticed his friend’s hesitation. “Uh. Jumin? You okay?”

Jumin knew what it was, the hard cylinder shape that burned his hands. He had forgotten that it was there. In the temporary purse of his coat, was your favorite lip gloss.

He still vividly remembered the last time you wore it.

“Come on my love, we are going to be late. You look beautiful.” Jumin said as he leaned against the doorway. He couldn’t stop looking at you.

“I know, I know.” Your sweet voice echoed in his ears. You applied the lip gloss and tucked a loose strand of your hair behind your ear. “Here.” You said as you embraced him. “keep it safe for me?”

Jumin leaned down and kissed the tip of your nose. “Always.”

Who would have thought that something so simple and easily forgotten could instantly cause Jumin such a headache?

“Jumin?” V asked concerned.

“Uh..sorry.” Jumin placed his fingers to his temple. Tears started to form in his eyes. “I suddenly have a migraine.” He started to take off the coat, leaving the lip gloss hidden in his pocket. He left the coat on the floor and sluggishly walked to the couch. “I’m going to pass on this. Maybe next time.”

V picked up the coat and studied it. It didn’t take long for him to find the culprit to Jumin’s mood change. “Oh.” He hung it back in the closet and put the lip gloss on the counter.

“Jumin, I—I know you aren’t feeling well but we don’t want to leave you here like this. What if we ate in the rooftop garden instead?”

“I appreciate it V, but I would like to be alone right now. Maybe tomorrow.”

“No. Jumin, you didn’t give up on me. I’m not going to give up on you.” He sighs. “Jumin, I’m worried about you. Come with us to the garden. If not for lunch at least for a short walk. We won’t talk unless you want to.”

V crouches down to be eye level with Jumin.

“You need fresh air. You look like Hell.”

After a minute of silence, Jumin reluctantly sat up and sighed.

“Just a quick walk then.”

“Perfect.” V held out a hand to his best friend. It wasn’t because he needed help getting off the couch or anything but V knew he needs support. And so, Jumin took it.

They stood at the couch for a moment before V hugged him. It was brief but strong. After he let go of V he felt as if some of the weight had been lifted off him.

“Let’s go for a walk then,” V said as he led Jumin out the door.

“I’m sorry,” Jumin said quietly.

“Don’t be. I understand.”

When they got to the rooftop gardens, Jumin stood in the warmth of the sun. He didn’t realize how much he missed it.

“V…”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

V chuckled, “Anytime.”

Chapter Text

~~15 Weeks after your funeral

Soft music flowed through the air as your eyes fluttered open. You were there again… in some far-off dream. When you weren’t having those strange dreams that hurt your head, you found yourself back here. It’s become your safe space.

You stood in a large room with modern furniture and wide windows that housed the orange glow of the setting sun. You couldn’t move to see your surroundings but you felt at peace.

A soft purr came from your feet. You looked down to see a beautiful white cat looking up at you. Like the times before, you pick her up and stroke her fur as you watch the warm glow fade into night.

The music stops and you hear footsteps move toward you before strong arms wrap around your waist. You relax into the embrace and feel both your bodies breathe as one entity. While you both watch the scene in the window, you know deep in your heart that you love this person.

The sun has long since faded away when you sigh to yourself and put the cat down. “It’s time for me to go.”

The arms tighten around you as if begging you to stay, before slowly letting you go.

You close your eyes and the next thing you know you lay awake in a room that doesn’t feel like your own. You look at the clock on the wall across the room and sigh. 6:04 am.

You’ve been waking up early ever since you came back from the hospital. No matter how many times you tried to go back to sleep, you never could.

Your heart is full as you roll over in bed, fondly remembering the dream you just left.

It is always the same each time you have that dream. You open your eyes, you pet the cat, you watch the sunset, you are embraced, then you leave. Rinse and repeat…

I wonder what that dream means…

Could I have been in love before? I wonder what happened.

By now, the sun peaks through the curtains and you can smell something mouthwatering.

Mom must be making breakfast. I should help her.

Even though they were wealthy enough to have a chef, your mom always insisted on making breakfast herself. She says it helps keep her humble.

You got ready for the day before heading to the kitchen. You enter to find your mother cooking on the stove, humming softly to herself.

“Good morning.” You say from the doorway.

“Oh!” she Jumps, “good morning, Soo-Jin.” Your mother laughs and leaves her spot to give you a kiss on the head. “How did you sleep?”

“Perfectly.” You said with a smile. “Can I help you?”

“Sure sweetie. You can help me with the stew. I start the last side dish.”

You pour the last of the ingredients your mom laid out into the pot and began to stir.

You hear the door to the garden open and your father’s heavy footsteps. He enters the kitchen holding the morning paper. He must have gone to the convenience store at the end of the block to get it. He goes there a lot.

“Good morning dad. Did you have a nice walk?”

“I did.” He opened the fridge and got out some juice. “I ran into the neighbors walking their dog. I couldn’t leave once they started talking.”

Your mom chuckled. “Oh? Was it Ms. Yuu? She is always poking around.”

“Yeah.” He laughed.

“Who is Ms. Yuu?” You ask, feeling out of the loop.

“Oh, just one of our neighbors who likes to get involved in everyone’s business.” She waved you off “No one you should be concerned with sweetie.”

“Well… it would be nice to meet her. She sounds like a fun person to talk with.”

You haven’t talked with anyone other than your family since you left the hospital. You hadn’t even left the house. It was ridiculous!

“You should take me with you next time dad. It would be nice to go for a walk.”

“oh, we don’t want to stress you out sweetie.” Your mom had started setting the table. She placed the side disses and the rice make down and motioned you to bring the stew.

“It’s just a few minutes down the road.” You say as you hand her the stew. “It would be good exercise and a great way for me to know the neighborhood.”

“I don’t know…” Your father says. Your parents exchange worried looks.

“It’s not like its far away and I won’t wander off.” You make pout and make puppy dog eyes at your parents. “Please.”

Your dad sighs and turns to your mom, “I don’t think it would hurt her to come with me to the store.”

You gasped excitedly. “Really!”

“Beom, I don’t...” She trailed off

You rolled your eyes at your mother’s protest, luckily, they didn’t see it.

“Hee-Young, she’s been home for 4 weeks and she hasn’t left the property once, even with an escort. We should give her this.”

Your mother sat down with a huff. “I still don’t think this is a good idea. I’ll contact Yong-min and ask him about it after breakfast.”

You met your dad’s eyes from across the table and mouthed ‘thank you’. He smiled and winked before digging into his breakfast.

After breakfast, you were forced to endure another one of your mother’s daily checkups. She was very persistent in making sure you weren’t dead or dying every few hours.

You had a whole day to yourself… again. You decided to read in the garden. There wasn’t much else you could do. Plus, it was such a beautiful day.

Your time online was limited and you suspected they were tracking your searches. Once you tried to search for information about the fire but couldn’t find anything. A few hours later, your parents “casually” brought up that the accident wasn’t reported and to ask them if you had questions.

You knew they were hiding things from you, but you had no idea how to get answers when you were always being watched.

You grabbed a random book from the shelf in the study and headed to the garden. You sat under the large orange tree that was just turning green again. You weren’t sure why you were drawn to this spot. It felt as if you were close to something important when you sat beneath it.

The grass felt soft on your legs as you sat down.

A gentle breeze found its way through the garden hopping from flower to flower. The tree’s branches swayed a bit as you leaned against the trunk before the chill of the wind was gone.

You started to read the book but after two hours or so you were growing tired of it.

“uagghh” you sigh as you lean your head back. “I’m so bored.”

You bring your knees to your chest and rest your forehead against your legs.

It’s so frustrating. I’ve read just about every book in the library now, I’ve started like three hobbies that aren’t going anywhere, and I’m not allowed to even go down the road without someone with me.

Why can’t I leave? I’ve been fine for weeks now.

“Why are they hiding things from me?” you mutter.

Just then you hear loud voices inside.

“Huh?” you get up and peak through the backdoor.

“Oh I’m so glad you came,” you heard your mom's voice say happily. “She will be so excited to see you again.”

Is someone visiting?

“After your call this morning how can I not?” you heard your brother's voice reply. Chills went down your spine.

Ugh, He’s here. I didn’t think he would come over.

You begrudgingly started walking toward the voices.

“I’ll go get her and we can have some tea.”

“No need.” You said as you rounded the corner to the front hall. “I’m here. I heard him come in.”

You didn’t get any closer though. Even though he had a smile on his face, something about it made you weary. He seemed to mean well but your gut couldn’t shake the feeling that you should be alert around him.

“Perfect” she clapped her hands together, “I’ll start the tea then and we can cha—”

“No, it’s okay mother,” he interrupted, “I actually wanted to take Soo Jin out for Ice cream.

“What?” you perked up.

“It’s been a while since we have hung out.”

“You mean…we get to go into town?”

“Geez, you make it sound like you’re a prisoner or something,” your mom crossed her arms exasperated.

“Of course." Yong-min said, ignoring your mother's comment, "I happen to know where the best ice cream stand in town is. Shall we go?" 

“Okay.” you started to put on your shoes and your mother looked over your shoulder.

“Are you sure she should be going out?”

“She will be fine, mother. I won’t let her leave my sight.”

You watched your mother's face as it changed slightly. Something flashed in her eyes before disappearing.

Fear

“I want my baby back safe okay.” She said locking eyes with her son.

“I promise, she will be back in one piece.” he opened the front door and paused. "Oh, and tell Beom I say hello."

Without breaking eye contact, He placed a hand on your back and ushered you out the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~

At the local park, there was a portable ice cream vendor that sold a nice variety of Ice creams. There were Ice cream popsicles, cones, and numerous topping options.

“They move around the city every day.” Your brother whispers in your ear as you wait in line. “It’s a part of the game to find them. Really makes the ice cream worth it.”

He points to the menu on the side of the vendor’s cart. “So, do you see anything you would like to try?”

“Hmmm, I don’t know. It all looks good.” You ponder for a moment, “I guess I could go for the fudge pop. That seems like a safe choice.”

“What do you mean safe choice?” he asks as you both move up in line.

“Well I don’t want you to spend your money on me and then I don’t like it. I would feel bad.”

“Haha Oh Soo Jin,” your brother laughs as he ruffles your hair. “you don’t have to worry about that. Try something new.”

It was now your turn so you decided to choose fast.

“Okay um, I’ll have a cone with mint chocolate ice cream please.”

“I’ll have a strawberry sorbet pop please.”

After your brother paid and you both received your sweets, Yong-Min leads you to a bench in the shade.

“So how is everything at home?” he asked as you sat down, “they aren’t smothering you are they?”

“Oh…uh kind of, but I know they mean well.” You say as you stared at your ice cream. “I know they are worried about my health.”

“Yeah. It was like that before too.” He said between bites, “They were always worried about you since you always got into trouble.”

“I was? How so?”

“Well for one, you were way too trusting. I often picked on you for it.” He chuckled. “I wasn’t the best big brother growing up.”

Huh…okay.

You feel a drip on your hand and panic when you realize the ice cream is starting to melt.

“Oh no.” You quickly start to lick the cone in an effort to save grace. However, after a few big licks, you get a splitting headache. “Ack.” You put your palm to your forehead.

“What’s wrong?” Yong-Min asked concerned.

“B-Brain freeze.” You muttered.

“Oh, got to be careful with those. Put your thumb to the roof of your mouth. It will help.”

You do as he says but the pain gets worse.

You watch your ice cream fall to the ground as darkness closes around your vison.

“Soo Jin? Soo Jin!” you hear a distant voice call.

“Hey, y/n. put your thumb to the top of your mouth.” A familiar voice says.

You look up to find you’re not at the park anymore, but instead, you are on a pier at sunset.

“Did you hear me?” The redhead who spoke to you demonstrates. “Lhike thwis.

Smiling, you copy him and the pain recedes. “Wow S@$%2ng, where did you learn that trick?”

“S#@45& taught it to me,” he said as he points to the white-haired clone of himself looking at the flowers nearby. “We ate ice cream all the time as kids when our mom wasn’t around to care. Ice cream was, and still is, our therapy.”

“I’m glad you both are sharing it with me.” You laughed you watch as he tries to steal his brother's ice cream.  

“Of course. You’re our family too y/n. Tip, tricks, and ice cream should always be shared with family!” he said as he swung his arm around his brother. you almost didn’t notice his spoon inching closer to the ice cream in his brothers’ hand.

“but can family EAT THEIR OWN ICE CREAM!” his brother yelled as he pushed the redhead away.

“What!? Just one bite?” the redhead pouted. “Y/n will give me some, right y/n”

“no way!” you teased.

“Oh, come oonnnn, I’ll let you try mine!” he laughed as he held his cone out to you. “it’s mint chocolate chip”

“stop bugging her.” The brother elbowed him in the gut.

“Oofgkh, critical hit. Man down. Man…dow….

“Soo-j….Soo jin!” you were suddenly brought back to the present. A few people had gathered around where you fell.

“What happened?” you sat up holding your head.

“You fainted.” Your brother said. “I’m sorry. I think the brain freeze caused your body to panic.”

He quickly checks your temperature and looks for any scratches on your arms and legs.

“Can you tell me today’s date?” he says as he takes your pulse.

“Uh..no..” he releases your hand and you pull it to your chest. “I don’t really look at the calendar anymore.”

“Okay, well. You seem to be fine. Let’s get you home.”

Yong-min helped you stand. You brushed yourself off and let him lead you back home.

Your mind was racing with newfound questions. You knew your family had the answers hidden somewhere, but how are you supposed to find them?

Chapter Text

The four-month anniversary of your death shocked each RFA member, even though they saw it coming. For some members of the RFA, the time flew by. They began to steady themselves again after your sudden departure. For others, it was dreadfully slow. Time could not go fast enough. They still clung to every part of you they could muster. These memories are ones that each member holds deep within their hearts.

Jaehee

“Come on Jaehee! I think this is the building.” You pulled Jaehee excitedly across the street. And into the small learning center.

“Y/n, slow down,” Jaehee laughed. “the class doesn’t start for another 30 minutes; I think we earned the right to talk our time walking in.”

“I know I’m just so excited! It’s been a while since I baked anything.” You beamed excitedly. You looked just like a child at visiting Disneyworld. “Thank you for inviting me to the class with you Jaehee.”

“I’m really glad you were able to come, I am excited to brush up on my baking skills.”

Mr. Han was away for a few days on a business trip and gave Jaehee time off from her assistant duties. She can now go home at a reasonable time like her peers.

She had heard about this Baking 101 course from a friend at the café she frequents and wanted to try it out. Today was the first of the 5-day course and the class was making Sweet Red Bean Rice Cake.

“You knooww…” you started, “if you master these skills maybe you can impress the cute barista at that café.” You wiggled your eyebrows and Jaehee blushed.

“Wha—I don’t—you,” she stuttered. Folding her arms over her chest Jaehee gave a huff. “You are so mean to me sometimes y/n.”

You laughed at her and patted her shoulder. “oh, come on I’m just playing with you. Besides I’m sure she would love it.”

Later during the class, both of you were mixing your batter when you walked over to her.

“Hey what does your batter look like? I’m not sure about mine…”

Jaehee tilts her bowl in your direction and you frown.

“I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Does it look weird to you?” You showed her your batter. It looked almost the same as Jaehee’s but it was a little clumpier and slightly darker cream color.

“It does look a little different than mine. Did you make sure to add everything in order?”

“Yeah. I did the dry ingredients first then I added the milk and everything. I haven’t added the bean paste yet though.”

“Maybe you just added a little too much of something. I don’t think it would be a problem.”

“Hmm. Okay. I’m here to learn right. If it goes wrong, I know what not to do next time.”

You both pour your battering into the cake pans and set them into the oven. After an hour, the class takes out their cakes and taste their creations.

Jaehee was proud of her cake. It came out exceptionally well. It was a nice golden brown and didn’t stick to the pan at all.

“Wow it looks so good!” she said as she admired her work, “how did yours come out y/n?”

She paused as she looked at the giant cake you were holding. “How is it so big!?” Jaehee yelled shockingly.

You burst out laughing. The cake came out nice like the other but it had a huge mountain top instead of a flat surface. “I have no idea.” You said between laughs as tears gathered in your eyes.

The teacher came up and examined your cake. “It seems you added to much baking soda. That is what makes cakes rise. How much did you use?”

“I used a tablespoon as the recipe said.” You said bashfully.

Jaehee snorted and covered her mouth, “oh no. y/n. It was supposed to be a teaspoon, not a tablespoon.”

Your face grew red with embarrassment as you both laughed. “haha, well. Heh, we should try it.” You both take a bite of y/ns cake.

“It’s a little dry but it's not that bad. Let me try yours.”

After sampling both cakes, the two of you cleaned up your stations and started walking home.

“I can’t believe I misread that.” You laughed as you exited the building. “What should we do with these cakes? I know Jumin will want to try mine but you still have your whole cake.”

“I can take it to work tomorrow. I’m sure the assistants would love a treat.”

“That’s a great idea. But I still think you should take a piece to that barista. It would be better than just watching her while she works.”

“I don’t watch her. You make me sound like a creep.”

“Ah but you do. I’m not blind Jaehee.” You nudged her with your arm. “Talk to her. You have your conversation starter right here.”

“okay okay… your right y/n” Jaehee sighed.

“As always.”

“Oh, so you were right when you created Cake Everest.” Jaehee laughed.

“*Gasp* I’m definitely calling it that from now on.”

Your laugh was one of the things that Jaehee loved most. It was contagious.

Jaehee took another bite of the Rice Cake. It was still warm from the oven and practically melted in her mouth. Jaehee smiled at the memory.

“Hey babe, I’m home.” Jaehee’s girlfriend Emma called as she walked through the door to their apartment. “mmm. something smells good.”

Emma kissed Jaehee on the head when she noticed the cake. “Hey…Isn’t that the cake you gave me one time at the café?”

“Yeah. I was craving it so I decided to make it. Want some?”

“I would love some.”

Yoosung

“Okay, so this button is to attack. And the space bar is to jump…” Yoosung explained the instructions for LOLOL as you sat at your computer. Yoosung finally connived you to try out the game so you two could play together more often.

“Good job. Now, use this button to attack the slime.”

You frantically pressed the buttons and successfully hit the target. After a few more hits, you killed your first monster. “I did it!” you cheered.

“Whoohoo! Yay, y/n.” Yoosung pumped his fists in the air. “you ready for me to give you the tour? Or do you want to practice in the tutorial more?”

“I think I'm ready.” You nod.

“Okay go to this door and watch the cutscene, ill wait for you at the spawn point,” Yoosung said as he put on his headphones.

After watching your character's introduction and story cutscene, your avatar popped onto the screen.

“Okay, I’m here.”

A large male avatar in bright purple armor jumped into your point of view and didn’t stop jumping.

“hurray!” Yoosung’s voice echoed through the headset. Even though you were in the same room it was hard to hear each other with the headsets so you both opted to use the in-game microphone.

After a few hours of teaching you how to not die, where all the best loot was, and getting you to join his guild, Yoosung set his mouse aside and stretched in his seat.

“Whew. Do you think you can do some Player v. player? That skill is super important.”

“Yeah, show me what you got blondie.” You joked.

“Uh-oh, I think it’s a little too soon to be trash talking. You just learned how to walk.”

“Don’t go easy on me.”

“You do realize I’m 70 levels above you right? I have to go easy on you or you die instantly.”

“Not if I do this!” you quickly moved left then right and used your special skill to strike a blow against his chest. It was only -1 damage.

Yoosung threw his head back laughing while you just stared at the screen in silence.

“Maybe I should battle players who are my level first.”

“Good idea, y/n.” he wiped away a tear from his eyes, “Good idea.”

Zen (includes inner monolog)

Of all things Zen expected the RFA to do for their summer trip, a group camping trip in the mountains was not one of those things.

Well, it was more like glamping. The RFA stayed in cabins, full plumbing, a small kitchen, everything to make ones stay comfortable.

Members were split up into four two-bedroom cabins; Zen and Yoosung, the twins, Jaehee and y/n, and V and Jumin. Jumin had almost brought the furball but thankfully you talked him out of it by saying she would stain her pretty white fur or something. You were such an angel. You saved Zen from countless encounters with that thing. But that’s not the point, the point is that the trip was an unexpected blessing.

After doing some research, Zen found out that there would be a meteor shower on the last night the RFA was there.

Now the time has come. The weather was perfect for viewing the shower. Not a cloud in sight. The brisk cold of the mountains was certainly refreshing, and there were so many stars. Way more than Zen could usually see from his roof.

The RFA set up a spot with blankets and some snacks for everyone to enjoy while they waited. Yoosung handed you and Zen a cup of hot cocoa to help warm you up.

“Oh, y/n come here for a sec.” Zen gestured to you. “Look up there do you see that really bright star.”

You followed his line of sight. Your eyes sparkled with the jewels of a thousand stars. It was mesmerizing. Zen looked at the sky again.

“Do you see how it's connected to the three stars above and below it?”

“Woah, yeah!” your face lit up as you made the connection. “Is that a constellation?”

“Mmmhmm, it’s called the cycuns or the swan. It's linked to a myth about the story of swan lake.”

“You mean the ballet?”

“Yeah. I don’t remember all the details but I know that it’s a big inspiration for it.”

“That so cool Zen! What other constellations you know?”

“well, ah, if you look a little up and to the right, you with see the string of the constellation Lyra. It's an instrument.”

“Hey, wait is that the big dipper?” you pointed to a spot in the sky.

“You're close but that is the little dipper. The big dipper is in the spring.” Zen high fived you. “good job spotting it though, y/n.”

“Thanks!” Your face beam as bright as the stars. It wasn’t long before a dark figure appeared over your shoulders. Jumin appeared and put his hand on your back.

“What are you two talking about?” he looked down into your eyes. He probably saw the same thing zen did before.

“Hey, sweetie. Zen was pointing out some constellations to me.”

“That’s nice.” Jumin smiles softly at you before staring down Zen. he couldn’t read his face which made his blood boil.

“What CEO-in-line? You mad I stole her away from the group for a few minutes?”

“No, I'm just surprised.”

“huh? about what?” Zen asked confused.

“That you’re so knowledgeable about the stars. I knew you like them but I never realized it was a serious interest of yours.”

“oh uh--,” Before Zen could say anything Jumin turned his attention back to you.

“y/n, my love, I’m going back to the group. The meteor show will start soon so you should come to find a comfortable spot.” Jumin looked back at Zen. “You too Zen. this was your idea after all. You don’t want to miss the show.”

Zen was kind of impressed as Jumin walked away.

“you expected him to be jealous, didn’t you?” you giggled.

“uh…maybe.” Zen chuckled. “He usually is when we are together.”

“I do miss his being jealous sometimes but it's nice to know that he trusts me. We trust each other.” You take a sip of your drink and look back at Zen. “He trusts you too, you know.”

Zen smiled to himself. “I know.”

You both walked back to where the group was sitting. You snuggled up to your husband and Zen took the spot in-between Yoosung and the twins. After you two both got cozy, Yoosung pointed at the sky excitedly. “Look there I go!”

Hundreds of lights fell across the sky. It looked as if heaven was falling. Oooh, that would be a good line for a musical. I should write that down.

Saeran

Saeran pulled on his tan vest in excitement.

You leaned over to him from the right side of the car. “you excited?”

“Yeah.” He nodded. An excited blush rested on his cheeks.

I can’t wait to pick out flowers.

With his mixed personas, Saeran often presented a hard outer shell, but you were able to sneak through the cracks. Not many people knew his softer side. Only you and Saeyoung knew about it. When you discovered that Saeran loved flowers, you promised you would take him to the store to buy things to build a garden at 707’s new apartment.

“Have you thought about what flowers you want to buy?” you asked.

Saeran nodded. “Since the garden can’t be too big, I decided on some flowers that would have a lot of blooms but wouldn’t take up too much space.”

“Well, that’s great. Are they the flowers you want though?”

“Yeah, I want them. I don’t mind what kind of flowers they are. I’m getting one of my favorites too.”

“Oh? what is it?”

“Lilly of the Valley.”

“Oh that one is very pretty!” you beamed. “I’m excited too. It's fun taking care of the rooftop garden, but it’s even for exciting to start from scratch.”

The car pulled up to the plant farm Jumin found. He was happy to help you two on your quest but he sadly couldn’t help with setting up.

“Okay so we need soil, plant food,” you started to list everything you both needed and assigned people to get them, “and lastly seeds.” You held your hand out to Saeran. “shall we?”

He took your hand as you led him through the greenhouse to the seed rack.

“Okay, what were some of the flowers you wanted to buy?”

“Um let’s see…” his eyes scanned the bags of seeds, “Let get the Holly Hocks, windflowers, baby’s breath...”

“What about hyacinths? Or this agro-agopan-uuuhh agapanthus! They have a lot of pretty blooms.” You say as you show him the packets.

The excitement on your face warmed his heart. He loved talking about flowers with you. You were always so happy when you learned something new about gardening.

“Yeah, let’s get them!” He smiled, “Oh let's also get snapdragons and moonflowers to satisfy Saeyongs fantasy needs.” You both laughed softly.

“Oh! and we can’t forget this one,” You say happily as you snatch the lily of the valley seed packet from the shelf.

“Here you go sir, one lily of the valley,” you playfully hold the packet out to him.

“Thanks, y/n.” he smiled brightly at you. You made him feel so loved, he was couldn’t help becoming softer around you. “Should we go check out?” Saeran said pointing to the register.

“Yes, everyone should be ready by now.”

You both start to walk to the cashier but saeran wasn’t paying attention and hit a hanging fern with his head.

“Ouch,” he laughed.

“careful,” you giggled, “are you alright?”

“Yes.” He said, a little embarrassed.

“Hey, lean toward me.” You said.

Saeran leaned over without question. You lightly plucked of a small green leaf that had found its way into his hair.

“We had a stowaway.” You hand him the leaf with a smile before brushing your hand through a lock of his hair, “your hair is looking good, its almost back to your natural color.” After fixing his hair, you took a step back.

Saeran chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s a little scary when I look in the mirror though.”

“I won’t lie, it will be strange seeing you without the white hair. I’ve grown used to it.” You admit.

“Heh, should I keep a few strands white just for you?”

“Haha, no-no. it's fine.” You laugh lightly hit his shoulder. “besides you would just end up looking like a peppermint.”

After paying for all the materials, you and Saeran headed back to the apartment to start setting up the new garden. After a long day of work, you both finally set down your tools.

Saeran wiped the sweat from his brow and took a sip of water.

“I can’t believe I have my own garden again,” he said happily.

“I’m so excited to watch them grow.” You said, “I know I can’t come over here much but you have to keep me updated okay!”

“Okay. I’ll be sure to send you pictures when they sprout.”

“Promise?” you held out your pinky finger to him.

Saeran chuckled before wrapping his pinky around yours. “Promise.”

Saeyoung

“are you sure you should be put here?” you asked 707 who was bundled up in a disguise. “I don’t want you to get caught or anything.”

“Please, no know knows I’m here.” He pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose. “besides, even you didn’t recognize me.”

“Haha your right,” you giggled, “I thought you were some creep or something.”

“Ugh, you wound me y/n”

Both of you wore wigs and inconspicuous clothes since you two couldn’t be seen in public. You because you were Jumin Hans's wife (without a bodyguard with a random guy), and Seven because he was a wanted man by his old job and his old man.

The disguises were necessary today because it was the release date of the new limited edition Ph.D Pepper chips.

Saeyoung had camped out in his car the day before and was still the 22nd person in line.

“I'm so HYPED for this new chip flavor!” Seven said a little too loudly but thankfully none of the other campers were bothered by it.

You had come to relieve him of his post for an hour so he could refresh himself.

Yoousung would have done it but if he skipped another class, he would automatically fail and have to retake it next semester. You were the next available option.

“Remember what you promised me?” you asked.

“yes yes, 5 bags of the new chip and 30 bags of Honey Budah.” Hey waved his hands defensively. “I won’t take long so just sit here and wait for me.”

Saeyoung then bolted around the corner to find an available bathroom. After relieving himself and stretching he grabbed some juice and snack from a nearby vending machine and headed back to the store.

“Here,” he said handing you a carton of juice and some crackers, “nourishment.”

“If this is what you think nourishment is I fear for your health.”

“My health is doing just fine. I’ve limited myself to 20 Honey Budah bags a day Vanderwood has been teaching me and Saeran how to cook.”

“Oh, that’s sweet of him. But still…20 bags? How are you alive?”

Seven contemplates for a moment before throwing up a peace sign and saying, “a mix of spite, love, and desperation.”

“well… at least your honest about it.” You snort.

You both talk more about how the twins are doing in their new apartment, what cute this Elly did that morning, and how to help Yoosung find a girlfriend so he would stop complaining.

Saeyoung looked at his phone and realized you stayed with him for two hours. Seven knew you were busy, and he didn’t want to interrupt your schedule.

“You don’t have to stay, y/n. I can wait on my own.” he smiled thankfully.

“I don’t mind staying. The store opens in what…45 minutes? I might as well keep you company until then.” You bumped him with your shoulder.  “and it’s been nice talking with you in person. I’m glad to see you’re doing okay.”

“Oh, y/n.” Saeyoung faked a swoon, “What did I ever do to deserve such a kind-hearted friend like you?”

You laugh before getting a text notification. you look at your phone and gasp.

“Jumin just sent the cutes picture of Elizabeth. Wanna see?”

“DO I EVER!” Saeyoung had to stop himself from snatching your phone away as he buzzed with excitement.

This memory of you two huddled in front of the store in ridiculous clothes and oversized wigs just chatting away may not have meant much to others, but to Saeyoung this moment was everything.

Your presence always made him happy. How could it not? You were his guardian angel.

He didn’t admit it to you then, but he was glad to see you were doing okay too. It got lonely sometimes when the twins and Vanderwood were hiding. You always found a way to make him feel better.

Ever since you joined the RFA, there was a special place for you in his heart. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for you.

Jumin

Elizabeth the Third may have been his heart, but you were his everything. From the moment you were wed, Jumin made sure he knew everything about you. Your interests and hobbies, what kind of flowers you liked, what books you liked to read, what music you would listen to. He especially loved learning things about you. He loved to count the freckles that graced your body, find the places that tickled, and discover the areas that were the most sensitive to his kiss. Each night while you slept, his eyes would trace the details of your face so that if he were to lose his sight, he would remember every gorgeous detail.

What he loved the most about you was the way you brought a sense of calm to him. Before you two officially met he would call you just to hear your voice. It soothed him even then. It was no different after you were married.

When it was discovered Elizabeth the Third had a small tumor during their annual check-up, Jumin was terrified. To him, she was at death's door, but you knew better.

When you got home Jumin fussed over everything Elizabeth did until she needed her space and hid from him. When he couldn’t find her, his fear shot through the roof and he started to hyperventilate on the couch. You were swiftly by his side to comfort him.

“Hey, honey, it will be okay.” You cupped his cheeks in your hands and lifted his eyes to yours. “she just needs a moment to herself.”

“But what if she is in pain. I want to help her, y/n.” His worried expression made you smile.

“It is easy to fix. She will be alright.” You cooed. “The doctor says it probably doesn’t even bother her. She isn’t in pain, It’s just a temporary inconvenience. One that will be fixed in the morning.”

“Will she be nervous to get the surgery? Will she be okay with me not there?”

“I’m sure she will be relieved to get the surgery over with. Elizabeth is a big girl. She knows how much you love her. She knows you wouldn’t leave her with doctors you don’t trust.” Your soft voice allowed him to loosen up. You pulled him onto a hug while you cradled his head. 

“You take her to the most esteemed vet in the city, you made sure she was absolutely comfortable, heck, you practically know the ins and outs of these procedures with all the research you did.”

You kissed the top of his head. “You are doing an amazing job Jumin. Thanks to you, Elizabeth will be just fine.”

“Y/n…” Jumin closed his eyes and breathed you in now fully relaxed in your embrace.

You managed to tame his panic in mere minutes.

A soft meow surprised him and Jumin looked down to see Elizabeth rubbing between his feet.

“See? She came back to you.” You said as you released him.

He bent down and scooped the cat into his arms with a relieved sigh. “You’re right darling. You are always right.”

He stood from the couch and placed a soft kiss on your lips before resting his head against yours. “Thank you, y/n. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Without missing a beat, you playfully replied, “Suffer.”

Jumin let out a hearty laugh before pulling you close to him and trapping you in a hug. Your squeals of laughter echoed through the house. In that moment everything was perfect.

BONUS

Jihyun (V)

Today was unlike your funeral. Instead of being trapped behind rainclouds, the sun poured over the green cemetery illuminating each headstone with an angelic glow. Jihyun walked through the rows of the stones until he came upon yours. It was the first time he visited your grave since you were buried. He lay the bouquet at the base and lit an incense wand for your grave. He noticed that four others were burned recently. A few loose wildflowers lay atop your headstone and a smaller bouquet—though still fresh—wilted slightly off to the side.

It seems I’m not the first one here. Heh. You were loved deeply by all who met you. V thought to himself.

I may have been the founder but you were truly the core of the RFA.

Jihyun was eternally grateful that you came into their lives. You did what he could not. You saved each member of the RFA and gave them new hope, including himself. If you hadn’t gotten angry with him that night and knocked some sense into him, he would be completely blind by now.

He laughs each time he remembers that dinner he had with you and the RFA. Oh, what a disaster it was, but boy was it fun. He hadn’t laughed so hard in so long. Of all things that came out of that dinner, you managed to talk him into getting eye surgery. He couldn’t remember exactly what you said but whatever it was, it worked. He had scheduled the consultation later that week.

With a deep breath, he spoke softly to your headstone, “I miss you, y/n. It’s strange leading the RFA without you. You changed everything for the better.”

It had been a while since he prayed, but at that moment it felt right. He prayed for your soul to find happiness and that you could get all that you deserve and more. He ended the prayer with a wish. He wished that one day, you and the RFA could be happy together again.

Chapter Text

~24 weeks since your funeral~

Faster, keep running!

You have been running for hours through thick black smoke. What was once a calm fog turned into something sinister. You weren’t sure when it happened, only that it was more dangerous than before.

Now you run blind in a void that keeps dragging you back into the deepest part of your nightmare.

Don’t look back

You're growing weak. Your muscles ache and scream at you to stop. You know you can’t. You claw at your burning chest and pull at your aching throat. You stumble as you choke on the smoke as is suffocates you. You try to gasp for air but only smoke as thick as water fills your lungs.

Don’t stop! He coming!

You can’t breathe. You can’t think. You just run.

Your bare feet scream as they pound against the hard, cold floor that keeps you steady.  Getting nowhere you falter. You look in every direction for a sign or a path or anything that can help you escape.

The clicking of footsteps get louder behind you, then to your left, and walks past you on your right. You franticly spin around to pinpoint where the sound is coming from. It’s no use. You freeze in place when you spot a dark shadow that lurks in the shadows. Too close.

An inky hand emerges from the darkness, then an arm, then a torso.  You turn to run but suddenly your pulled back by the monster. Its touch burns your skin. More arms reach out from the smoke. You fight the hands that grab at you, you claw at the slimy skin, prying the sticky fingers off your body.

Sobbing, you reached your limits and go limp. Your body aches for relief. Slowly the dark ink thickens and crawls around your body, hardening as it swallows you whole.

“NOOOOOOO,” You scream as you bolt upright gasping for air. In the dark of your room, you struggle with the covers and fall out of bed with a loud ‘thunk’

Your bedroom door bursts open and your parents rush to your side.

“Soo Jin!” your mom pulls you into her arms, “honey what happened are you okay?” she worriedly checks your body for any injuries. Once she is satisfied you’re not hurt, she places a hand on your cheek in an effort to calm you. Your dad crouches at her side.

“Oh mom, it was awful.” Your eyes start to water and you bury your face in her shoulder as you hug her. “It was so dark and I c-couldn’t breathe.” you whimper into her,” it was s-so real.”

“Oh poor Soo Jin,” she said as she stroked your back. Gently she rocks you both back and forth as if she was calming a toddler. You peek over her shoulder when you hear your father sigh and watch dismiss the two men in suits who rushed in behind them.

You didn’t know who they were or why they were there. They don’t look like the people who assist your parents during the day, maybe the night shift? No, they looked more…rough. What did your parents do for a living again?

The more you thought about it, the more you started to fear that you didn’t wake up after all.

This nightmare went on for weeks. Each time slightly different from the last but it always ended the same. Each time made you more and more afraid to sleep. In the end, you just spent most of your days napping under the tree in the garden, where the dreams couldn’t follow you.

Your brother conducted more tests as he tried to resolve your sleeping problems, and each time you went to see him the worse the nightmares got. You stopped having any good or even weird dreams. You were always just running in the dark fog. When you awoke it was as if nothing changed. You were being suffocated by your parents and the ever-watching eyes that lurked around the house doing their bidding.

It wasn’t until one night when something shifted, that made you question your own sanity.

Faster, keep running!

You have been running for hours through a cloud of thick black smoke. What was once a calm fog turned into something sinister. You weren’t sure when it happened, only that it was more dangerous than before.

Now you run blind in a void that keeps dragging you back into the deepest part of your nightmare.

Don’t look back

You're growing weak. Your muscles ache and scream at you to stop. You know you can’t. You claw at your burning chest and pull at your aching throat. You stumble as you choke on the smoke as is suffocates you. You try to gasp for air but only smoke as thick as water fills your lungs.

Don’t stop! He coming!

You can’t breathe. You can’t think. You just run.

Your bare feet scream as they pound against the hard, cold floor that keeps you steady.  Getting nowhere you falter. You look in every direction for a sign or a path or anything that can help you escape.

The clicking of footsteps gets louder behind you, then to your left, and walks past you on your right. You franticly spin around to pinpoint where the sound is coming from.

Bitch RUN!

Frantic you run forward, just as an inky black hand reaches out from the darkness and drags you backward. Your open your mouth to scream, but nothing comes out. You sob as you force your body forward, fighting against the pull of the figure.

You have to break free. I know you can do it.

GIVE IN

Keep going!

YOU ARE MINE

Don’t stop fighting!

YOU CAN’T ESCAPE

"I won’t let you!" you scream angrily startling the monster.

With one final yank, you manage to break free and stumble forward. You brace yourself to collide with the floor but nothing comes. You continue falling into the depths. You squeeze your eyes shut.

"wake up, wake up, wake up!" You whine as you quickly descend. The sensation of air rushing past you makes your stomach drop. Until it stops…

“Huh?” your open your eyes to find you are now floating softly downwards, a hard surface slowly approaching. you see that you landed in a familiar setting. A warm living room with large windows. Oh, how happy you were to be back there.

"Your back" you hear a deep voice say behind you and you jump a little. He's never spoken to you when you dreamed this before, but it...  was oddly familiar. You weren’t scared anymore. You instantly felt warm and safe as he embraced you.

"It’s been so long since you visited."

"I missed you. I’m so glad I made it back," you said teary-eyed hugging his arms around your chest.

“You’ll go back soon."

“What? No. please.” You said in alarm.

“Don’t worry, it won’t be for a while. You have control over it.” The man rubbed your arms, easing you into his chest. “Ill be with you until then.”

You sigh and rest your head against his chest. you attempt to look up but you cant see the mysterious figure behind you. after what seems like a few hours, you feel a kiss on the back of your head.

“It’s time”

“I don’t want to go.”

“I know it’s scary but You have to find the door,”

“Huh? The door?”

“the door holds all the answers.”

“I don’t understand,” the room starts to fade around you.

“look for the clues when you wake up. then find the door.”

“This is weirding me out.”

“if you don’t you will be trapped here forever.”

“I cant-I…what do you mean?”

“I mean—wake up.”

You gasp as you wake up in a cold sweat. Sitting up, you run your hands through your hair and check the clock on the wall. 5:48 a.m.

You decide to take a nice relaxing bath to calm your nerves.

The bathroom is already starting to steam as you lower yourself into the warm water and let the water wash away your worries.

You stare at the ceiling as you lose yourself in your thoughts.

What is going on with my dreams?!

Could they mean something?

At first, they were strange but soothing, then terrifying, and now…..I don’t know what to think of them.

Maybe I need a dream book…. yeah…yeah, a dream book.

If I discover what is going on in my head. I can stop these strange nightmares.

You wave your pruny hand and slosh water over the tub.

Letting out a big sigh, you sink lower into the bathtub. The water now tickles the outline of your face as you close your eyes, take a deep breath and go under.

One

You need to get out of this house

Two

You need to get help

Three

You need to remember

Four

Five

Six…

Seven…

Eight……..

Door

Door?

Oh, someone is knocking on the door.

With a loud splash, you come up for air and hear pounding on the bathroom door.

“Just a minute.” You call out.

You let the water drain from the tub and wrap a towel around your body before going up to the door.

“Who is it?” you ask through the door.

“Just me.” Your father says. “I noticed you were up and wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m fine.”

“Okay,” a few seconds of silence passed before he spoke again. “I’m going to be in the garden to watch the sunrise if you want to join me.”

“Okay.” you hear his soft footsteps receding down the long hallway.

After getting dressed, you start to head back toward your room when you see your father from a window. He was sitting on the porch with a drink and binoculars. Curious, you head to the garden instead.

“Hey.” You say to him as you sit in the spot next to him.

“Hey, good morning Soo Jin.”

“I hope you’re not watching the sunrise with those.” You point at the binoculars.

“Hm? Oh haha no. These are for the birds.” He says. “Our garden has been getting a lot of visitors lately.”

“I didn’t know you liked to bird watch.”

“I haven’t done it in years. Not since so- uh not since you left the first time.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It’s not your fault.” He sighs, “It never was.”

“huh? What was that?” you ask.

“Oh, nothing.”

You sit in silence as you watch the sun's first rays’ peek over the large fence that surrounded the house. Slowly it was as if the earth came to life.

The warm rays passed over the wall and weaved through the garden as you watching it bring life back to the flowers. It slowly made its way up the path with its warm orange glow. It tickles your toes and crawls up your legs, warming them from the cold night’s air.

You took that warmth in. you let it seep into your veins and fill your heart with a new determination.

For the first time in weeks, you felt a calm wash over your body. You no longer dreaded nightfall because you realized there will always be a sunrise to wake you from your nightmares.

Chapter Text

~25 weeks after your funeral~

You and your father sat on the porch in silence for hours watching the sun warm the earth and bring light to a new day.

The bustling noises of the neighborhood preparing for the day could be heard over the fence. You longed to climb it and see what was on the other side but held back the urge since you weren’t alone. 

Your thoughts were interrupted when your father spoke.

“Are your dream still bugging you?” He asked.

“Hm? Oh.” you hesitate. “Yeah, kind of.”

“I’m sorry sweetheart.”

“I wish I knew what they mean. Maybe if I knew, I could make nightmares go away.”

“Well, I’m sure being cooped up here doesn’t help.” Your father said sarcastically.

You remembered an idea and turned to him. “Dad, do we have and dream books?”

“Dream Books?” he looked at you confused.

“You know like dream interpretation books.”

“Oh. hmm, no I don’t believe we do.”

“Then could we go get one?”

“Sure, I can grab you some the next time I go out.”

“No, I want to go with you,” you clasp your hands together and give the best puppy dog eyes you could muster, “I want to go outside. You said it yourself, it doesn’t help I’m trapped here.”

“Honey we talked about this. You can go on a walk with me next time.”

“You said that months ago and then stopped going on walks.”

Your father starts to make excuses but you see right through him.

“Whatever, that doesn’t matter right now.” You rise from your seat and stand in front of him, blocking his view.

“Dad, please. I just want to go outside and get a book.” You take a breath to calm yourself. “I’m not going to faint when I leave these walls but I might if I stay here.”

Your father looks at you guiltily before he looks down with shame. With a deep sigh, he replies.

“You’re right Soo-Jin. We’ve been coddling you and it's not fair to anyone.”

He rubs his calloused hands over his face as he thinks. You can only stand there with the sun on your back as you wait for a verdict.

“Okay, I’ll make arrangements to go out today.” Your heart jumps as a smile spreads across your face. “I’ll have to convince your mother, but you need this.”

“Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!” You tightly hug his neck.

“Okay okay,” he taps your arm, “let’s go help your mom with breakfast. I’ll ask her after.”

Your mother was already hard at work chopping vegetables for the side dishes when you both entered the kitchen.

“good morning you two!” She called without looking up from her work. “Did you both enjoy the birdwatching?”

“Yes, dear it was lovely.” He walked over and lightly kissed her cheek.

“I’m so glad you’re doing that again, it gives me peace and quiet in the mornings.”

“Is there anything I can do to help mom?” you ask as you lean against the counter

“Yes. I need to start the stew. Do you think you could handle chopping the rest of the veggies?”

“Yes, mooom I can handle it.” You roll your eyes as you take the knife from her.

She laughs and kisses your forehead, “Good girl Soo-jin. You've gotten so big.”

“Mom, please. I’m not a child.”

“Oh, I know. I’m just saying.” She says with a playful smile.

“You fuss over her too much, dear.”

“I do not! I’m giving her the attention she deserves.”

You zone out as they start to bicker. Slowly chopping the green onions, then the carrots, then the peppers, then—“Ouch” You wince as you hold your injured finger. The strong scent of blood fills your nose.

“OH MY GOSH, SOO-JIN ARE YOU OKAY?” your mother franticly pulls you to the sink and starts washing your hands.

“Mom it’s okay, it’s just a small cut.” You swat her hands away. “I can take care of it on my own.”

You turn to head for the bathroom where the first aid kit it but your mother tries to follow.

“I’m just worried, what if it gets infected. Let me help you, sweetie.”

“NO MOM! I can do it on my own.” You shrug off her advances.

“How ungrateful! I’m only trying to help Soo-jin.”

“Hee-young calm down.” Your dad pulled her back.

“What has gotten into her. She can’t talk to her mother like that.”

You decide to let your dad handle it. You go to the bathroom to clean and wrap the small cut on your index finger.

Geeze, why did she react like that? It’s not even that bad of a cut, it’s not like I was going to die. Sure, she is overbearing but I’ve never seen her that worked up before.

You decided to spare yourself the headache and let it go.

Hopefully, she will at least let dad take me out today.

An hour later, you were looking for your father when you heard sharp whispers coming from behind a closed door. You carefully crept closer and peeked through the slit of the door. Your parents were arguing, probably about letting you go out. You couldn’t quite make out what they were saying. You pressed your ear to the wall hoping it would help and focused in on what they were saying.

“It’s still too soon Beom. She still so fragile, what if she gets hurt?”

“She’s a grown woman now Hee-Young, she isn’t a child anymore.”

“Yong min said—"

“Don’t bring him into this. It was a close call last time we got on his nerves. You know your son is dangerous.” Angry desperation lingered in his words.

“No! He’s not! He brought Soo-Jin back to us. He brought our baby back.”

Your father grabbed her shoulders and shook her slightly.

“Hee-young, please snap out of it. She’s—"

“And I don’t like how you talk about him like you don’t claim him.” She yells as she breaks from his grip. “You knew what you were getting when you married me.”

“It’s not like that. I’ve missed our baby too, but she doesn’t need our constant attention anymore. She is now healed from the accident.”

“I’m scared she’ll get hurt. She’s just a child” she starts to tremble and your father lets out a defeated sigh.

“I won’t let that happen. I promise.” He embraces her, “I won’t let it happen again”

You quietly back away from the door. Once you are a safe distance from the door you rush out to the garden. You struggle to breathe as you lean against the tree.

What the fuck? What the actual fuck?

WHAT IS GOING ON.

Again? How is my brother dangerous? Wha—

A thousand questions raced through your head so fast you lost track. You hide behind the tree's large stump and cradle your knees as your breathing becomes more frantic.

Wha—why did they—I don’t understand

You clutch the sides of your head as it starts to throb. Images flash through your mind.

A bright light overhead, faceless man, cold steel             

It hurts!

Needles piercing skin, mother and father crying, blood…lots of blood…

Hot tears stream down your face as the pain becomes to much to bear and you pass out. Slumped against the tree that bore witness to your silent unraveling, your still flowing tears water the earth. Soon the pain of the panic attack would be forgotten as if it never happened.

………

A soft hand pulls you from your slumber. You drowsily open your eyes to find your father sitting over you with a worried look on his face.

“Soo-Jin, are you alright?” he hugs you tightly. “I was looking everywhere for you.”

He wipes his rough hand across your puffy cheeks. “were you crying sweetheart?”

Bringing your hands to your eyes you can feel how sore they are. You wipe the dried salt from the corners of your eyes and wonder what caused them.

“I’m sorry. I must have had another nightmare. I don’t remember falling asleep.”

“It must have been a scary one.” He pulls a handkerchief from his pocket, “Here, wipe your face.”

He watches you in silence for a moment. “Perhaps we should postpone going to the library.”

“NO! I want to go today. I need that book.” You yelled as you leaped to your feet.

“Heh, Okay okay.” He stood and dusted off his trousers. “Are you ready to go then?” he held out his elbow as an offer to escort you.

“haha, what are you from the 1800s?” you laugh as you take it.

He leads you to the front yard. You look around for a car or any attendees but you don’t see any.

“Are we not taking the car?”

“No. The library isn’t far from here and I promised you I would take you on a walk.”

Your eyes widen with excitement as the two of you walk arm-in-arm down the street. You take in a long deep breath and watch the sky. It’s so wide and blue today. The perfect day for a walk.

You eagerly examine your surroundings. Long white traditional fences lined the street. Many of the houses were blocked from view, similar to your own, but as you kept walking the wall got shorter and more open.

You past an elderly couple planting flowers in their front yard, a house with a bunch of children’s toys littered on the grass. In the distance you saw a younger woman walking her dog. Your father steered you both to the opposite side of the road and showed you a flower growing out of the wall, turning your back to her. You didn’t start walking again until they passed you.

At the bottom of a hill, you passed a playground and a daycare with a large colorful sign. The sound of children laughing filled your ears and made you smile. Their voices, despite being shrill and loud, were also very sweet. You missed that feeling. Innocence.

“We are almost there,” your father said as he patted your hand.

“Great,” you said beaming. I’m finally getting to know the neighborhood.

You rounded another corner and came across a large building. The words Gunpo Central Library were plastered along the front of the building.

“I’m going to continue down the street to buy something for your mother. I’ll meet you inside after.” Your father turns you to him before leaving. “Unless you can’t avoid it, don’t talk to anyone.”

“What? Why?” you looked at him confused.

“Well-I just, your brother doesn’t know I took you out.”

“Ooh…That’s why we don’t have escorts.”

“He is well known in this area for the charity work he does. If someone tells him you are outside of the house, he will get mad.”

“But you’re our dad. Aren’t you supposed to be in charge?”

“Yes, but he is also your doctor who hasn’t cleared you for ‘travel’” he uses air quotes and rolls his eyes.

“But I know you’re doing better and I want you to be happy.”

You smile and hug him again. “Thanks, dad. I’ll be careful.”

He pats you on the back gently before parting ways. You enter the library but can’t shake a strange feeling like your dad was lying.

After searching the library for 30 minutes you still haven’t found the right book section.

“I didn’t realize the library would be this big.” You whispered to yourself as you tried to read the signs. “I guess ill have to ask for help after all.”

Much to your dismay, you had a hard time finding a person too.

“Am I seriously all alone here?” you scratched at your head in frustration.

After a few more minutes of searching, you find a librarian on the second floor and she points you in the right direction. You scan the bookshelves and decide on a few to check out.

As you head downstairs you spot a public computer area. You eyeball the computers as you pass them.

“Huh, 10 won for an hour. Not bad.”

I wonder if I can use those to find out what they are hiding.

“Soo-Jin, there you are.” Your father said quietly as he walked toward you.

“Oh hey,” you eye his empty hands suspiciously. “did you not buy anything?”

“I did but it will be delivered to our house.” He points to the books in your arms. “You ready to check out?

You nod and head to the front desk together.

You made sure to walk extra slow on the way back home, taking extra time to enjoy your freedom. When you turn back onto your street, a loud voice startles you from behind.

“HEY! Mr. Lee, I thought that was you.” a middle-aged woman half yelled as she speedwalks over to you two.

“Oh, is this the daughter you’ve told me about?” She looks you up and down. “She is very pretty.”

“Yes, this is my daughter Soo-Jin. I would love to stay and talk but we are in a rush to get home for lunch” He tries to wave her off but you stop him.

“Oh now, dad it would be rude to just leave.” You turn back to her, “Hi, it's nice to meet you mrs….”

“Wow, pretty and well mannered,” she laughs. “I’m Mrs. Yuu. I live four houses down from you.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you Soo-jin. Since no one in the neighborhood has ever seen you and your parents don’t talk about you very much, we almost thought they made you up.” She throws her head back in laughter.

“Haha, I can understand why. I wasn’t allowed out of the house after the accident so I could heal.”

“Your father mentioned that. I figured you would look thin and pale, maybe even a little sickly, but you look as healthy as can be.”

“Yes, I am doing a lot better an—”

“BUT she is still not fully cleared yet so we are taking baby steps.” Your dad interjects.

“Oh nonsense, look at her. Ah, I miss my youth. I was a killer you know. Had every boy wrapped around my finger. You know now that I look at you better Soo-Jin, you seem familiar.

“Her grandparents said she was a spitting image of her mother.” Your dad said sweating as he tried to pull you closer to the house. “maybe you’re thinking of Hee-min.”

“No, I don’t think—” She starts to protest but your dad cut her off.

“Well, it was nice talking to you but my legs are killing me so if you’ll excuse us.”

He practically drags you inside the yard.

“Woah, dad, what was that about.”

“I'm sorry Soo-jin, my legs are really hurting. I need to sit down.”

You follow him into the living room and sit next to him on the couch.

“Mrs. Yuu seemed nice.”

“She is a lovely woman but she is such a gossip. Don’t believe what she says.”

“What does that have to do with—?”

“Soo-jin, would you get me some water? I’m feeling a little faint.”

“Oh. yeah…of course, dad.”

You get a cold glass of water in the kitchen and turn to go back when you almost bump into a large figure. It was one of your parent's assistants.

“Oh! I’m sorry.” You could have sworn you were alone.

“No need to worry,” the man said in a stoic tone before taking the glass from you. “I can take this to him, miss. That was a long walk, please rest in your room until lunch.” He turns and leaves you standing in the kitchen dumbfounded.

“Why are they acting this way.” You pace around your room as your mind searches for answers. “It’s obvious they are keeping things from me, but do I even want to know? Am I overthinking it?”

You lay back on your bed with a huff. “even if I wanted to know more about my past and such, I doubt I would get far.” You sit up quickly, “no I should find out what they are hiding. It could be the key to unlocking my memories. Maybe then I can have a normal life without creepy assistants or locked doors or no internet.”

You kept trying to think of ways you could search for clues discreetly. You knew you weren’t able to investigate with your parents fawning over you. Then there was the matter of the assistants/ bodyguards that lurk around the house and show up out of nowhere. You needed to find a way to keep them distracted so you could do some digging.

Frustrated you flail your limbs and accidently kicked the bookshelf next to you, knocking over the old teddy bear your parents gave you when you got first came home. It had creeped you out so you hid it on the highest shelf in your room so you wouldn’t have to look at it.

“Oops.”

You pick it and stare at its into it black button eyes. It felt foreign in your hands, like you were holding something that wasn’t yours. You hold it to your chest and rub your chin on its head. You start to calm down as you breathed in the detergent, but you get a faint whiff of that strange copper smell again.

You could smell it on the bear at the hospital but couldn’t figure out what it was. You cautiously lift the teddy bear to your nose and deeply inhale. Your body stiffens as a chill sweeps over your body.

You gasp and drop the old doll. It was hard to detect but the smell was lingering in the fabric like a ghost. You knew that smell from this morning.

You back away from the doll in terror.

Oh my god

It smelled like Blood.

Chapter Text

~26 weeks after your funeral

Jumin + Saeyoung
“We are here, sir.” Driver Kim said as he looked at Jumin in the rearview mirror.
“Thank you,” Jumin put on his shades and messed up his hair. He knew he had to be discreet when visiting the twins. “Pull around to the side. I’ll let you know when I’m done.”
It had been a while since either of the twins had been in the messenger or sent any updates, and it made Jumin worried.
He looked both ways before he exited the small car and entered the building.
This trip was the fourth time he left his apartment, but it still felt strange. It was crazy how the world could still move on after his world stopped turning.
The elevator beeped as it slowed to a stop. Jumin walked down the plain hallway until he stopped at a large door with an almost larger electric lock. He rang the doorbell and waited. After a few seconds, he heard shuffling and cursing coming from behind the door.
After a concerning number of unlocking noises, the door swung open to reveal angry Vanderwood holding a garbage bag full of junk. He was wearing a bandana and a frilly apron that read “Maid in Heaven” on the front.
“Good. You’re here.” Vanderwood said as he stepped aside to let Jumin in. “Please talk some sense into them.”
The place was just as filthy as Jumin expected, it was no wonder Vanderwood was peeved. It usually was quite dirty when Seven went on his work binges in the past and Vanderwood was the sole person in charge of keeping the place clean. Now there were two of them to clean after.
“Thank you, Vanderwood.” He scanned the empty room. “Where are they exactly?”
“Saeran is picking up takeout and Seven is in there.” Vanderwood pointed to the door on the left. It was open but the lights weren’t on. His face became very serious. “He hasn’t made a joke in days.”
Jumin slowly moved toward the door and poked his head inside. As his eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness, he could make out the figure laying on the bed and a faint light hidden under the blankets.
“Saeyoung?” Jumin called out quietly.
The covered figure sat up and wiped its face before getting out of the bed and turning on the lights. Saeyoung’s unkept red hair was longer and his eyes were puffy and bloodshot. Jumin wasn’t sure if it was from working on computers all day or from crying.
“Hey Jumin, I didn’t hear you come in,” he said in a tired voice.
“Sorry for the sudden intrusion, I wanted to check in—”
“Ah the mission, yeah it's going slowly but we think we might have some leads.” Seven interrupted. He was now shuffling around the room picking up papers and trying to organize them.
“Seven, I—”
“Your father may be a good man but he’s done a lot of sketchy deals in his early days.
“Seven that not what—”
“He made a lot of enemies and sorting through them all takes a lot of time—” Jumin puts his hands on Seven's shoulders, halting his cleaning.
“Saeyoung, stop for a minute.” Jumin said, “yes, I am here for an update but I’m also here for you. no one has heard from you or your brother in weeks.”
Saeyoung drops his head with a sigh. “Sorry, we’ve been really busy. I’ll get in the group more.”
“It's not about that. *sigh* Saeyoung… when was the last time you slept?”
“What does that have to do with anything?” Seven asked as he broke away.
“You seem tired is all.”
“I’m fine.” He said, quickly ending the conversation.
Seven sat at his desk and pushed a few buttons. Four large computer monitors flickered to life. The screens bathed Saeyoung in a calming blue light. He stared at the screen to his right for a moment then started typing. “I’m going to print out a list of some suspects think might have been capable of such complicated processes.”
Jumin took a moment to scan the room. Something about it seemed…off. The rest of the house was a mess but Saeyoung’s room was too clean by the twin’s standards. Only parts of the room looked lived in. The area around the bed and the computers were the dirties parts. Some of the furniture in other parts of the room was starting to collect dust.
Jumin walked closer to the monitors and watched the Red-head work. The screens were full of data, security camera footage, and this Jumin didn’t understand. He turned to the screen that Seven was looking at and sucked in a breath. Instead of the coding and data, it had pictures running in a slideshow. All of them were focused on memories of you. The RFA’s various trips, You and Jaehee at Zen’s performances, and even some photos from your personal social media accounts. It was all a reminder of why they were here, in this stuffy room, searching for any hint of information.
You are gone, and you are not coming back.
Jumin was at a loss. As the numbness he felt in his heart turned into a deep sadness for a friend, Jumin realized what he needed to do.
“I think we should pause the operation.”
Seven’s head snapped back to look at Jumin in surprise “What no! we are getting close I can feel it.”
“We aren’t giving up. Just putting it on hold. This mission is taking a toll on you, we need to stop.”
“I’m fine,” Saeyoung said firmly.
“I don’t think you are.”
“Stop acting like you know what I’m going through. I’m not you Jumin, I can’t numb the pain.” Seven was getting irritated. “This mission is important to me. I’m going to see it through.”
“Saeyoung please, I know it’s not ideal but it's what is bes—"
“NO! If I can’t help bring her justice then I’m just as useless as I was back then!” Seven shouted.
Jumin paused at his sudden outburst. Large tears poured down Seven’s face as he continued.
“I wanted to die Jumin. I was miserable. I blamed myself for everything that happened in my life, but she—she made me want to stay.” Saeyoung started to gasp for air between words but didn’t stop. “They helped me realize I wasn’t at fault. Hell, she helped me get my brother back.”
Jumin stood in silence for a few seconds as he listened to Saeyoung’s sobs. He doesn’t know what compelled him to do so, but he pulled seven into an embrace.
Jumin sighed, “We need to take a break from this. I’m pulling my resources, Seven. I already lost the love of my life. I can’t lose a friend too.”
Wiping his tear-stained face, seven looked back at Jumin with determination “I’m going to continue, with or without your help.”
“And I… can’t stop you.” Jumin sighed.
“I think you should leave Jumin,” Seayoung said. “I need to get back to work.”
The redhead turned away from Jumin and started working, pretending that he was already gone.
Jumin just stood there contemplating what he should do next. After a few minutes, he turned and left the room.
“So you’re leaving then?” Vanderwood said as he was resting on the couch. “It’s over?”
“For now, though he probably won’t listen to me.”
“You know he won’t. They are both very stubborn.”
“Will you keep me updated on them? I need to know they are okay.”
“I will do what I can.”
“Thank you, Vanderwood.”
“Don’t. I would have done it anyways.”
Jumin left the apartment with a heavy heart. For the first time since you left, he started to feel again. But why did it have to hurt?

Saeran + Saeyoung
He doesn’t know how he got here. He meant to go for a short walk to clear his head and get some food, he didn’t intend to visit the cemetery. Now the food was growing cold as it sat at the foot of your grave. Saeran stuffed his hands in is jacket pockets and cleared his throat.
“Hey.” He said softly. “I-uh- I would have brought something if I knew I was going to come here.”
His eyes shifted to the forgotten take-out bag. He slowly sat down and took out his meal.
“Um here.” He took out a piece of meat and put it at the base of your headstone. After a few seconds, he threw it into the bushes. “Sorry, I didn’t want to attract bugs to you. It was a bad idea.”
Saeran sat and ate his food with you, though he didn’t dare to look at your headstone. Thankfully his hoodie covered his eyes just enough that he could act like this was a normal meal.
“It’s so weird…not having you here I mean. Two weeks ago seven sent a message in the three amigos group chat on accident and I was worried why you weren’t responding. Heh. I had forgotten that you couldn’t.” he said taking a few more bites of his lukewarm meal.
“Seven is okay. He could be better. We all could be actually.” He sighed. “we been fighting more recently. Not about anything in particular but just kind of everything. I don’t mean to but it's been frustrating with all the dead ends. I just burst sometimes.”
He brings another piece of food halfway to his lips and pauses before setting it down again. His eyes focused on the base of your gravestone. A stewing sense of anger bubbled inside his chest.
“I want to hurt them. I want to hurt the people that did this to you. I want to wring my hands around their throats and watch them struggle to breathe. I want them to feel your fear.” He stopped himself and took deep breaths.
“I should go.”
Saeran put the food back in the sack and stood up. As he turned to leave, he notices a small patch of wildflowers growing nearby. He plucked a few daisies and placed them on your grave.
“I miss you.” he whispered.
He left the cemetery, cold food in hand, feeling a little lighter than when he arrived.

He got back to the apartment and placed the plastic bag on the coffee table.
“There you are, where the hell have you been?” Vanderwood asked. He picked up the sack and rustled through it. “Wha—Saeran, the food is cold!” he said in frustration.
“I took an unexpected detour,” Saeran said. If they knew where he was, they would just start prodding him.
Searan enters the dark room and sees Saeyoung looking at his computer screen intently.
“Is the food here,” Saeyoung asked gruffly.
“Yea.”
Silence passed between them. The two had been working on finding your killers together, but after a while, it was like a thin wall was built between them. The brothers now acted like co-workers than brothers, consumed by your disappearance. Now they worked quietly, holed up in their rooms on separate sides of the apartment. Only venturing to the other side to relay information or when they were lonely.
Saeran hoped they could go out together again. Maybe get ice cream, but he knew it probably wouldn’t happen anytime soon.
“Did you find something new?” Saeran asked as he moved closer to his brother’s setup.
As he neared the computer, he saw what his brother was looking at. He froze in place. Saeyung was staring at your photos. Since when did he have those photos set up?
The pain of the memories squeezed at his heart. He couldn’t face you… not when he hasn’t found your killers.
Saeyoung frowned as he watched Saeran look away.
“How do you do it?” Saeran asked.
“Huh?”
“How can you stand to look at those photos, those memories knowing that the monsters who did that to her are still out there.” Saeran clenched his fists. “How can you face her when we aren’t any closer than before.” Saeran did his best to keep from raising his voice.
Saeyoung plainly started at his twin then back at the screen of rotating photos.
“I forgot what color her eyes were.” He said sadly. “I forgot what she looked like Saeran.”
Saeran lowly looked up and watched the images of you slide by on the screen. Then he looked at his brother, really looked at him, and felt something change in his heart.
“I can’t forget what she looks like,” Saeyoung said as his voice waivered. “She means to much.”
An overwhelming emotion-filled Saerans senses. He pulled his big brother into a soft side hug.
“Saeran?”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?
“For not seeing what you are going through. For being so wrapped up in my own anger.” He squeezed tighter “For leaving you alone.”
Saeyoung put his arms around his twin and hugged him back.
“Let's take a break,” Saeran said without letting his brother go.
“OH, not you too—”
“Just for a few days. A breather if you will.” Saeran said. “We can go get ice cream or watch a movie or something.”
Saeyoung contemplates this.
“I heard there is a meteor show going on tonight, we could watch that,” Saeyoung said sheepishly.
“Can we get ice cream?”
“Heh of course,” Saeyoung buried his head into his brothers’ shoulders.
“I’ve missed this,” Saeran said after a moment.
“Me too.” Saeyoung agreed as he broke off the hug. He wiped away a small tear at the side of his eye and gave a genuine smile at his little brother.
He took in a large breath, “Two days. We can take a break for two days.”
“I can’t wait.” Saeran smiled. His heart felt a little lighter.
And for the first time since your funeral, Saeran looked up at the screen to find you smiling back.

Chapter Text

~26 weeks after your funeral       PART 2

V + Yoosung

Jihyun Kim walks briskly into the hospital. This was the Fourth time he has had to come here in two months.

He gets the room number from the nurse at the front desk and heads to the elevator. Feelings of concern and frustration sit in the pit of his stomach. He knew he needed to keep an eye on the twins but he never thought that Yoosung would be such an issue.

“We can’t keep meeting like this Yoosung,” He sighed as he walked into the room. Yoosung was sitting up in the hospital bed in the middle of the room. V was glad that the beds next to him were empty.

“Wow the famous V came to visit moi.” Yoosung said in a bored tone.

“What happened this time?” V Scanned the bandages on the boy’s right forearm and hand.

“I fainted while getting coffee. The burns arent too bad but I got a slight concussion too so they are keeping me overnight.”

“Does your mom know?”

Yoosung was silent and he looked at the empty bed to his right.

“Yooosuung?”

“I didn’t want her to worry.”

“Is that why I am your emergency contact?”

“…..maybe.”

Jihyun breathes out a chuckle and shakes his head.

“If you are going to scold me again just get it over with,” Yoosung said, still not facing V.

“Okay. You can’t keep throwing yourself into these charities.”

“Is putting all my effort into charities so bad?”

“It is when you are actively hurting yourself. You were lucky the injures haven’t been too severe the past few times, but you probably won’t get lucky again.” V sighed and lightly placed his hand over Yoosung’s injured arm.

“I hate seeing you like this,” his voice broke.

“Wow. Would you look at that?” Yoosung said flatly. “I didn’t know you still cared.” He removed his hand from under V’s.

“What do you mean? Of course, I care about you Yoosung. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t”

“I know... because you are doing it again.”

“Huh?”

“You are pretending she didn’t die. Just like you did with Rika. Though I guess that time you were lying soooo,” Yoosung let the insult hang in the air as V looked at him shocked.

“Do you even miss her? Did you even mourn her?” Yoosung looks angry but is on the verge of tears as he asks those questions. “Why do you ignore what’s happened and act as though you are the RFA caretaker?”

V could feel his heart start to burn. You became one of his closest friends. It was hard to deal with your death but he kept mostly to himself and took care of the other RFA members. Maybe Yoosung was right. Maybe he did throw himself into caring for the other members.

Jihyun was silent as he reflected on his own state of mind.

He had mourned the loss of a close friend and he felt he had mostly accepted your death. That didn’t take away the guilt of not being there for Jumin during the initial search. For only coming after the tragedy.

Perhaps there are still some things he needs to resolve in himself.

By now a few minutes of silence have passed as Yoosung just stares at Jihyun.

“I think you are partly right,” he sighed. “But that doesn’t explain why you are doing this to yourself. Are you trying to forget –”

“No!” Yoosung shouted as clutched his wounded hand to his chest. “I’m not doing it to forget. I’m doing it to remember.”

V looked at Yoosung with sad eyes. He knew what that feeling was like. He tried everything to remember the good times when Rika turned into the Savoir, but the past couldn’t help him. 

“When I work with charities she loved, that we cared for together… it feels like she is still here with us…with me.” He tried to fight back the tears knowing that once they started, they wouldn’t stop. To his surprise, V placed his hand on his shoulder and gently brought him into a hug.

“I’m sorry Yoosung,” V said. “I’m shouldn’t have gotten upset with you.”

Yoosung felt his emotions bubble up to the surface. He could no longer hold back the tears. Big swells of tears ran down Yoosung’s cheeks as he wept into V’s shoulder. V responded by quietly rubbing his back.

“Don’t do it again V. you can’t. You can’t keep pushing it down to care for us.”

Tears trickled down V’s cheeks.

“I know. I thought I had mostly accepted her death, but you are right Yoosung. There are things still left for me to do.

They break away from the hug.

“Let’s make a deal Yoosung. I will try to do better about putting myself first if you promise to do the same. These charities will gain nothing from your suffering.”

“Okay” Yoosung mumbled as he wiped snot from his nose. “What should I do then?”

“I might have an idea. I was thinking of putting on a show, well, a memorial of sorts full of her favorite photos and selling them. We can give the proceeds to her favorite charities. Will you help me put it together?”

Yoosung’s eyes lit up at the idea and he nodded eagerly.

“Good. we can start planning once you have healed.” V said as he pat the young boy’s head.

Jaehee + Zen

“No sir. I’m sorry, I don’t think I can play that part.” Zen said remorsefully into the phone.

“Zen. Please. I’m running out of options for you.” his manager begs on the other side of the phone. “You don’t have to decide today but you can’t keep turning down these roles. I know you are grieving but—”

“I’m sorry, I have a headache. I'll call you back later.” Zen hung up the phone before his manager even had a chance to say anything else.

It has been what, 7? 8 months since you died? There was no way Zen could act again so soon.

Not after how he failed you.

I need a beer

Zen looked at the clock. 2:49 p.m.

Day drinking at its finest.

He walked into his kitchen and checked every corner of the fridge but no luck. He was out of booze. He was out of a lot of things actually.

“I guess I should go get groceries.” He muttered to himself.

Zen grabbed his house keys, his wallet, and his phone. He opened the front door to find a fist inches from his face and a surprised Jaehee looking back at him.

“Woah—” He jumped back.

“OH my gosh!” Jaehee yelped as she took a few steps back too.

After a few seconds, they both started laughing.

“Ahahaha, you startled me Jaehee.” Zen wrapped his arms around his belly as he continued to laugh.

“I startled you!? I wasn’t expecting you to barge out like that.” She wiped a tear of laughter away.

“I thought you were going to hit me”

“Can you imagine if I knocked on your face as you came out!” Jaehee said and they burst into louder laughter.

“Oh, that would have been even funnier.”

“I would have died of embarrassment right here on your doorstep,” Jaehee said still chuckling. But Zen wasn’t anymore.

“Please don’t joke about that.”

Jaehee’s smile fell slightly. “Oh uh…you’re right.” She cleared her throat, “sorry.”

“So what brings you here Jaehee?” Zen asked as he put his hands in his pockets.

“I wanted to check on you. You haven’t been in the Messenger lately and I got worried.”

“Oh uh- sorry about that. I’ve been practicing for gigs and such…” Zen lied.

She raised an eyebrow at him. He knew he couldn’t fool Jaehee but he wasn’t sure how to tell her the truth.

“You headed somewhere?” she asked.

“Yeah, to get groceries.”

“Okay. Do you mind if I treat you to coffee or something on the way there? I was hoping we could chat for a bit, ah – only if you are available though.”

Zen paused to think for a moment. Well, it’s not like I had other plans besides groceries.

“You know, that sounds nice Jaehee. Let’s do it.” Zen smiled at her.

~~~

*At a nearby coffee shop*

Zen removes part of his disguise after grabbing their drinks. The only two other customers are older gentlemen playing chess and drinking coffee by the front window.

Jaehee takes a few sips of her cappuccino and savors the flavor.

Zen watches her over the rim of his own cup.  I wonder what she wants to talk about.

“Okay,” Jaehee sets her ups down and looks Zen in the eyes. “I think I’m going to get to the point.”

“Oh no am I in trouble,” Zen said lightheartedly.

“Hmmmmm that depends.” She leaned on the table and places her head in her hands.

“On?”

“On why you lied.” She said blatantly.

The two friends sat in silence for a moment as Zen contemplated his answer.

“I don’t..”

“I know you have been turning down roles.” She leans back and drinks her coffee. “I’m just worried about you.”

Zen stares into his cup. It's half empty.

“I didn’t think you could be so selfish Jaehee.” Zen said softly.

“Huh?” Jaehee cocked her head in confusion.

Zen could feel the frustration building in his chest. He just stared down into the bottom of the coffee cup as he decided to let it pour out.

“Just because you moved on already means I have to as well?”

“What no that not what I—”

“I’m tired of everyone asking when I’m going to get on stage again. They only want to see me perform. They don’t really care why I stopped.”

Jaehee watched wide-eyed as her friend covered his face. She didn’t stop him. She wasn’t sure how.

“I can’t pretend everything is fine Jaehee. I just can’t.  I’m an actor not a robot. I can’t turn off my emotions like you can. It’s not normal.”

Oh no—don’t—

“You aren’t normal.” He said. He sucked in a breath. Shit

He didn’t mean that. He knew she was just worried about him.

When Jaehee didn’t say anything, he lifted his head to find her watching him with a sad smile.

“I’m sorry, I… didn’t mean that.” He looked away remorsefully.

“Yes you did. I think you have wanted to say that for a while.” She sighed. “Is that why you were ignoring my calls? Because I was moving on?”

Zen frowned. He hadn’t realized it but he had been ignoring her calls. He shook his head.

“Still, I should have taken my anger out on you.”

“I forgive you.” She places her hand on his, “look I know I can be… forward at times and it was probably rude for me to intrude, but I know that something has been wrong for a while. I’m worried about you Zen. I’m worried you are giving up.”

“You think I’m… giving up?”

Jaehee nodded.

“Giving up what?”

“Well…On your dreams. You have been turning down roles and when you do accept you quit within a week. What really concerned me was that you haven’t even been posting selfies as much.”

Zen grabbed onto his friend’s hand and held it tight.

“I just… I feel like I don’t deserve it.”

“Your roles?”

“No—well yes—but I guess just being happy. I feel like I failed her and its isn’t fair to her.”

“Her as in y/n?”

Zen could only nod. Teardrops gathered in his eyes and he would blink them away.

“You are right I don’t think it's fair to her. She would be so mad at you right now.”

“Huh?”

“She would be mad at you for putting everything on hold because she isn’t with us anymore.”

“I couldn’t save her.”

“It wasn’t your job too.”

“I couldn’t stop them.”

“But you did everything you could.”

“It’s not fair,” Zen said a little too loudly and pounded a fist on the table.

The others in the shop turned to look at the two, Jaehee waved an apology and turned back to Zen.

“Sorry I just… It feels wrong to continue to reach for my dreams when I couldn’t help her reach hers.” The tears pooled in his eyes making his vision blurry. “I just feel so lost.”

He heard the creak of a chair and felt a gentle touch on his back. Jaehee pulled out the chair next to him and sat down before hugging him. Zen heart suddenly didn’t feel so heavy anymore.  

“I think I know how that feels.” Jaehee sighed. “Obviously it’s not the same for you but…I know that feeling.”

“You do?” Zen asked as he pulled back.

“Mmhm. Did I ever tell you that I struggled with depression after high school?

“No, I don’t think you have.”

“After my parents died, I felt stuck. Like I was frozen in place but everything still moved around me.” Jaehee felt a pain in her heart as she recalled the hardest time in her life.

“I didn’t understand how my parents were suddenly gone and I was still expected to be a happy high schooler and get good grades. But I knew that my parents wanted me to work hard on my studies so I made sure that I graduated with honors…and it helped with the pain for a while.”

“Once I graduated though… I didn’t know what to do with myself. I didn’t want to be a burden to my aunt and uncle anymore so I tried to find a job and live on my own but it was hard to be alone again. I was stuck again and I hated it. I finally hit a breaking point and decided to go to therapy.”

“Wow, I didn’t know you went through that.”

“Yeah. It’s a little weird talking about it. After I started working as Mr. Han’s assistant, I was too busy so I stopped going. I started going again a few months after Jumin and y/n got back from their honeymoon.”

Jaehee turned to face Zen again looking more determined.

“I know It’s not the same and you have different reasons for it, but you deserve to be happy Zen. I know that she would want you to be happy and continue to reach for your dreams.

Zen didn’t know what to say but he knew his friend was right.

“I don’t know when It will get better, but I and everyone else at the RFA will be here with you until it does.”

“Thank you,” Zen whispered as the tears started to roll down his face. He wiped them away with his handkerchief. “Great now my eyes will be puffy for the rest of the day.”

“Hehehe, do you want some help with your groceries? I don't mind.” Jaehee laughed.

“NO! I forgot about groceries. I can’t be seen like this.” Zen quickly put on his disguise again. “I’ll only grab the essentials… and maybe a facemask.”

“Are you sure you don’t want my help?” Jaehee asked as the two prepared to leave.

“Yeah. I will be okay.” Zen smiled genuinely at his friend.

Outside the coffee shop, the two friends said their goodbyes.

“Thank you Jaehee. For everything. It means a lot.”

“Of course.” Jaehee gave his arm a reassuring squeeze. “Be sure to call me when you get home okay? I feel bad for making you cry.”

“You can make it up to me later.” Zen joked.

As Zen headed for the nearest market, he looked up at the bright blue sky. It was such a nice day.

He opened up his phone and texted his manager.

               Zen: 4:44p.m. Sorry about earlier. Can we talk game plan tomorrow?

               Manager: No worries and of course!

I have a long way to go but…I can at least start somewhere.

Chapter Text

~~29 weeks after your funeral

You find comfort as you look out at the city landscape. The arms wrapped around your chests tighten in almost desperate way. You sigh and lean into the embrace.

“I missed you.” the voice said slightly breaking.

“I missed you too.” You whispered back moving your hand to theirs.

You still are unable to turn and look at the voice source, but you know that you are safe.

Here, in this familiar space, you feel as though your truly belong. You don’t fully remember what happened to make you leave, but you wished with all your heart that you could return and not just in your dreams.

You know that time has passed but you feel as though it was mere seconds in his arms.

“Don’t go.” The voice begged as he squeezed tighter around your waist.

“I will be back.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You wake up to a stream of light shining through the curtain onto your face. Again, you don’t feel right.

Something is wrong with this place and your parents are not telling you the truth.

Ever since you realized what was on that bear, every shadow has seemed more menacing.

“I need to find the truth or I will go crazy.” You whisper.

It had been weeks since you started making note of your parent's and the workers' routines. It was hard but you managed to find a 50-minute window where there is no one near the office.

The only problem is the door is always locked and the only key you know of never leaves your father’s sight.

How do I get that key without him noticing it’s gone?

You think of all the possibilities as you go toward the kitchen where something smells delightful.

 “MMMmhhh” you breathe in, “good morning.”

Your mother turns from her spot at the stove. “Good morning Soo-jin Sweetie. Did you sleep okay?”

“Yeah, it was fine.”

“Good. breakfast will be ready soon. Can you please grab some more brown sugar from the pantry? I’m almost out.” She says as she gestures to a basically empty bag next to her.

You nod and walk over to the large walk-in pantry on the side of the room.

Your eyes scan the shelves for another bag but you can't find it in the dark cubby.

Maybe if I turn on a light?

As you back up you bump into the pantry door and slam it closed.

“Oh, soo-jin! You okay.”

“Yeah, I'm fine.”

You feel for the wall. Then the door, then the door handle, and give it a try to turn it.

Uuuuhhhh

You try to turn it again, this time giving a slight tug.

“Soo-jin, come out of there.”

“I'm trying mom. Just a second.”

You twist and pull harder this time but the door still doesn’t budge. You are trapped in the small dark room but your mother is the only one panicking.”

“Oh my go-Hold on baby!” She jiggles and twists the doorknob while practically shoving herself against the door.

“Mom-mom! I'm fine, it’s just stuck or rather locked.”

“O-o-ok I'm getting your father hold on.”

You hear her footsteps rush away from the door and sigh deeply. You she means well but…she can be so suffocating when she acts like that. What happened to me to make her think I’m so fragile?

You hear her and your father arguing about the door as they approach. He jiggles the door nob too and takes a step back.

“Yup. It locked alright.” He said.

“Thank you Beom very helpful.”

“Calm down Hee-Young the lock is just stuck again. did you try the pantry key?”

“You know we lost that key months ago.”

“oh right, I’ll get the master key and everything will be fine.”

Master key? I wonder if it would work on the office?

You press your ear against the door to hear any clues to its location.

The sound of a chair being dragged, a small creaking sound, and the sound of metal being dropped on the floor with your father searing? It’s definitely kept in the kitchen. Sound like it’s up high.

The footsteps approach the door again, and your back up as far as you can into the darkness.

With a sweet click you were finally free.

“There we go, no harm done.” Your father smiled as he hands your mom the key.

She ushers you into the kitchen and props the door open again.

“Maybe we should just get rid of the door.” She says.

“Why is there a lock on the pantry door anyways?” You ask.

“It used to be a washroom but when we renovated the place we decided we needed more space for the kitchen.” Your mother said, still gripping the key in a way so you can’t see it.

Your mother practically pushes you and your dad out if the kitchen so she can finish cooking undisturbed. As you walk away you hear the faint sound of a chair being placed back at the table.

They put it back…now I just have to find it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It has been three days since you went back for the master key. It was difficult to search for it in the dead of night without making much noise but you managed to get the key without getting caught.

Now you just had to wait for a chance to sneak into the office and snoop as fast as you could.

You pretend to read the magazine that your father bought for you yesterday. Recently it's been the only way you can read what’s happening elsewhere.

Strange though… it’s from last week. What store sells week-old magazines?

Before you could contemplate further you hear your parents’ car leave the driveway.

You can't get up right away though. There is usually a guard posted by the front door that checks your whereabouts after they leave.

 It should be Marty working today. He does his own thing so I should be fine once he leaves.

As if on cue, an older man turns the corner and takes a mental note of where you are. He is older than the other goons your parents hire but definitely not one to be messed with.

He gives you a nod before returning to his post by the front of the house.

You tiptoe to the office and slide the master key from your pocket.

I really hope this works

The key turns with ease. You hear the slight click and mentally celebrate.

You make sure the coast is clear before you slide into the office.

You turn on the light and sigh. The room is small but not very tidy. Whatever your parents do requires a lot of paperwork since boxes of documents are strewn across the room. In the back are filing cabinets and a large desk with a computer on it. A small storage closet lines the right wall.

There is so much stuff in here…where do I even start??

You mentally note the time on the clock and start with the filing cabinets by the large desk.

Most of the files are related to house work and bills. But there are a few cabinets that have patient information from various brain studies.

I guess Yong-Min stores his stuff here too…

Just thinking about your brother gives you the creeps but you aren’t sure why.

You move on to the desk and drawers. Maybe you can even find the password to the computer in here somewhere. Skimming through the drawers does not provide much but one drawer has a sticky note with a computer password hint on it.

“Her birthday”

Well, that’s vague and unhelpful.

You put the note back and check the clock again. 28 minutes left.

You contemplate opening some of the boxes but decide to look inside the closet instead.

The moment you slide open the door you can tell these boxes are much older. They are more beaten up but it looks like they have been moved recently. Some boxes have less dust than others.

Okay, we can start there.

 You open the nearest and find a few of old photos of the family. It's mostly pictures of Yong-min as a child but there are picture frames of your mother and father in what you assume to be Europe.

One photo shows a man in a suit you don’t recognize with your mom and a toddler of Yong-min. It looks like a family portrait but…they don’t look happy. There aren’t many photos of him with the others so you aren’t sure if he matters.

You shift it aside and notice one box in the back corner has the faded words Soo-jin’s things written on the side.

You open the box and inside you find hundreds of loose pictures of a small girl as well as a file folder, a baby blanket, some baby clothes, and a small wooden box with an elegant flower pattern etched into the top. It was heavy in your hands but it looks to be sealed shut. You put the box down and decide you will come back to it later.

You pull your attention back to the baby photos.

Is this supposed to be me? I thought mom and dad said all my baby photos were lost in a fire. Why would they lie about that? Weird though, we have different colored hair.

You examine the photos and find writing on the back of some reading: Soo-Jin’s first Christmas, Soo-Jin’s third birthday, Halloween 1994, and a few more. One that made you pause was Soo-Jin’s sixth birthday. It looks like she had just opened a present and showing it to the camera. It was the teddy bear. The bloody teadybear in your room.

And that was it. There were no more photos of her.

You fold the photo and tuck it in your bra. You check your time and grab the file folder under the blanket. Inside is baby handprint art, some silly drawings, basic newborn information, a copy of Soo-Jin’s birth certificate and….Oh my god…

Your gasp gets stuck in your throat and your hands start to tremble as the panic starts to set in.

Oh my god, Oh my god, OH MY GOD!

Her death certificate.

The piece of paper almost burns your skin as you try to keep calm.

You read the dates on the death certificate. November 27, 1998.

You look back at the birth certificate. October 25, 1992. Your brain is throbbing as you try to do the math. Almost a month after her sixth birthday.

I knew it. I knew something wasn’t right about this place.

Tears form in the corner of your eyes and you fight to keep them from falling. You shove everything back into place and close the closet door. You need to get out. You need to get out of this room before…

A sharp pain in your head makes you stumble and you lean against the wall for support.

I cant…breathe… You gasp for air. The shock has made you start to hyperventilate. it… hurts.

You open the door and fumbly lock it behind you. You don’t care how loud you are. You need air. You need to get out.

You run through the halls into the back garden and hide behind the small garden shed. You sink to the ground and sob.

Your head hurts and it’s hard to breathe. Everything is wrong.

You didn’t care if those strangers were going to get home soon. In that moment you wanted to stay hidden forever.

You didn’t even know you had fallen asleep until you looked up and saw the city landscape.

You can breathe again. Your head doesn’t hurt. You don’t remember why you were crying.

A calm feeling washes over you.

“Hey, sweetie. Are you okay?” his voice fills your chest with warmth.

“I am now.” You lean into his embrace. You knew it was coming, like second nature.

You relish how perfectly you fit in between his arms.

“Good. I can’t stand to see you in pain.” He whispers into your shoulder.

“Where is the—” but before you can finish you are interrupted by a meow at your feet.

“Ah, there you are.” The arms retract to let you scoop up the furry animal and cradle her in yours. She purrs as she swats gently at your chin. “You know how to make my day even better.”

The arms rest gently around your waist and you feel him rest his cheek on your head.

“You are more beautiful than this view.” He says gently. “Both of you are.”

“I wish I could see you.”

“Me too. But… it’s impossible now…”

You want to ask why but before you can you are jolted away by your hysterical mother sobbing over you.

No. Not Mother.

Capture.

You are not the daughter they want. You are their prisoner.

~~31 weeks after your funeral

Today was the first time you felt you were ready to enter the office again. You haven’t been near this room since you discovered the life-shattering secret that Soo-jin was actually dead.

For days you tried to wrap your head around all the lies they told. Around the reason you are here.

Why are you playing house as a dead girl with these people?

Why can’t I remember anything before meeting them? No that's not true. Some memories have seeped through but they are fuzzy.

Who are these people? Who am I? Why am I here?

These questions occupied your thoughts for days as you lay bedridden with a fever after the incident.

Luckily, you slid the photo you took between the dresser and the wall before your “parents” could find it.

Your only solace was your dreams. You found yourself looking at the cityscape every night now. There nothing could hurt you. It makes you want to do whatever it takes to get back there. To where you belong.

Now you brace yourself to enter the room again. Today, your goal is to get into the computer. Hopefully, it will have more information about you and maybe even why you are here.

You slip into the room and sit down at the large desk. You search the drawers for the password hint again.

“Her Birthday….”

You glance at the closet. Your jaw clenched as you stood and walked to the closet of horrors.

Slowly, you slide open the closet as your heart races. Pulling out Soo-jin’s box you do your best to avoid looking at the poor girl in the photos. The girl you were supposed to be.

Should I keep these as evidence? Would they notice if it was missing?

You decide to take the risk. As you are putting the folder back you see an old book with leather binding you didn’t notice before hidden under the photos and the dust. It kind of blended in with the color of the cardboard. It seems so fancy yet fragile. Like it could fall apart at any moment. What was it doing in this box?

You pull it out and carefully open it to the first page. It looks like a diary that belonged to… Yong-Min.  

Your stomach twists as you read the crayon markings of his name claiming ownership. It looks like he was given the diary very young and wrote in it as he got older.

Just thinking of him makes you anxious. You hate your monthly checkups with him. Even more so now you know he can’t be trusted.

It seems like your fake parents can’t fully trust him either. Your “mother” constantly praises him and his accomplishments but once he is in front of your fake parents, they act like prey hiding from a predator. Afraid to step out of line.

You debate bringing the diary with you and figure you might as well. It might give you some insight into your bother.

With the information from the certificates, you type in Soo-jin’s birthday.

You let out a sigh of relief as a welcome back screen greets you.

I mean, who else would this cryptic message have been about?

To your disappointment, however, there isn’t much information on the computer. It has apps and programs you would probably see on any computer.

You search for any files or documents but can’t find anything regarding Soo-jin or your past.

Damn, really? A dead end? I thought surely this would have more.

You open up some of the apps but it’s mostly work-related projects. Luckily, you notice one project from a few months ago is labeled “family photos” in the computer’s photoshop.

You click it to find a few of the original photos from the scrapbook your parents gave you at the hospital. Except… There is a different girl in these photos. She looks similar in appearance to you but doesn’t seem to be involved with the family. Most of the photos appear to be from a social media site.

Maybe they chose this girl cause her cause it was easier to fake?

You really hope that was the only reason.

Other photos with the family showed another girl with a similar height and appearance as you. She didn’t look as happy to be there though.

Pulling up a “cutouts” folder you find pictures of yourself, granted only you were cut out from whatever photos you were in. There was nothing else. Nothing to tell you who you were, or who you were with.

One thing you knew for sure was you were happy. You haven’t smiled like that since you woke up.

A heavy feeling pulls at your heart.

“I want to be happy again.” You cry softly as you tenderly touch your fingers to your past self on the screen.

A new emotion stirs in your heart. A wave of anger you haven’t felt before.

What did I do to deserve this? Why did they take me away from my life before this?

With nothing else that you can find, you close out of the programs and cover your tracks by opening the more recent projects. Once you are satisfied with your work you log off and do one last sweep around the room.

You mentally catalog the items you have found so far:

• The teddy bear with the lingering blood smell (gross)
• The box ofSsoo-jins baby items and photos – a few of which you have stashed in your room for later.
• Soo-jin’s Birth and Death certificate (which you are also going to stash in your room for later).
• The doctored photos on the computer.
• And the weird diary from your “brothers” childhood.

It's a lot of information. But none of it helps you find out who you are…just who you aren’t.

After locking up and returning the master key to its hiding spot, you take your newest evidence to your room and stash it behind your dresser with the photos from last time.

You glance over at the diary sitting on your bedside table the nat the clock on the wall.

I have some time left before anyone gets back. Maybe I could read a few pages.

You carefully open the leather book and examine it. It's so battered up that you are afraid it could fall apart in your hands. The book was either very loved or very hated. You couldn’t tell. It's just clear that time was not kind to this dairy.

You turn back to the first page. The barely legible writing and comically large letters lead you to believe Yong-min was still a child when he got this. Definitely under the age of 10 at least. He didn’t date it though.

It read: Deer dary, mommy said to write to you like a friend but I think that’s dum. You are book.

You couldn’t help but chuckle at this. The next few entries are about Yong-min learning how to play piano and starting the second grade but soon the writing got neater and sadder.

May 5, 1992: Mom and dad were yelling again last night. It was the longest one I can remember. Dad is upset about mommy’s secret friend she goes on trips with. I like him though; he gives me candy. I don’t understand why dad doesn’t. I couldn’t sleep so I got up and practiced drawing. Mommy caught me though and made me get back in bed.

July 17, 1992: Mom left with her friend and Dad says they aren’t coming back but we don’t need them. He is stupid if he thinks that.

December 3, 1992: Dad took me to a work meeting and said if I was good, we could get a new toy on the way home. It was so boring but another man brought his kid too. He was younger than me and very weird. It was fun teasing him.

February 23, 1993: The housekeeper scolded me for hours after she found the rats. She says she is going to tell father but I doubt he will care. He is always too busy at work to care what I do. Besides, I didn’t I did wrong. They were stuck in the traps and I set them free. Even if they were dead they don’t deserve to be trapped. I’ll put them in her purse next time and see how loud she screams then.

March 12, 1993: I knew we needed mom. She kept everything together, including dad no matter how much he hated it. She helped him a lot at work and without her, he kept getting in trouble. Now he’s dead. I found him hanging in the study yesterday. Since the police can’t find mom, I’ll stay with my uncle. Dad left it in the will that everything will belong to me when in 18, but there isn’t much left. Uncle said he will help me grow into a better man than my father could be. I can’t wait.

Your palms start to sweat as you read the next entry.

August 29, 1996: Hey dairy, it's been a while. You will never guess who I found. Mom. She and her friend got married and she changed her name. She didn’t care enough to tell me. I also found out that I have a sister now. Her name is Soo-jin and the little brat is turning four soon. Mom doesn’t know I found her new family. I’m making arrangements with uncle so I can live with mom again. I won’t let her leave me again. I can’t wait to see the look on her face when she sees me again.

December 7, 1996: She didn’t seem as happy to see me. After she and uncle argued for a long time about me living with her new family, she finally gave in. I asked her if she hated me and she said it was just hard since I look just like dad and it makes her sad. I hate it when she says that. I’m nothing like that coward. She says she wants to be a family again. I don’t know if I believe her.

January 3, 1997: I really like Soo-jin. She is so gullible and wants to be on my good side. Mom doesn’t like that I tease Soo-jin but she is just too protective. Mom and Beom baby her too much. She will never understand the darkness in the world with how they protect her from everything. Soo-jin deserves to know. She needs to know that mom is a liar who left her son behind and that the world is not nice. Maybe I could set her free.

A knock on the door jolts you from the dusty pages. You quickly shoved the diary under your pillow and grabbed the book on the dresser next to you as the door opened.

Thankfully it does not seem like your mother noticed the secret under the pillow but she did notice your panicked expression.

“Goodness sweetie are you okay?”

You put out a hand to stop her from rushing over to you.

“Y-yes, mom I'm fine, y-you just startled me. I was really into the book so I didn’t hear you coming.”

She breathed a sigh of relief.

“Oh good, okay. It must be a good book. What is it?

“Um,” You look down and swear you are a goner. Shit, this was the first thing I grabbed?

You try to pretend you aren’t reading the title for the first time. “The Gardeners choice: the difference mulch and wood whips and how it…well it’s about a…gardening so… it’s a long title.”

You nod awkwardly and just pray she doesn’t question it.

She looked a little puzzled but nodded. “I see.”

“Yeah, it is very interesting.”

“I’m sure it is. Sounds like important research but dinner will be ready soon, can you help me set the table?

Whew

“Yeah, I’ll be right there just let me use the bathroom first.

Once she leaves, You take the chance to hide the diary between your dresser and the wall with the other files. You need to get a better hiding spot for them soon.

You breathe in deeply as you recall the last entry you read.

Oooh boy. I am not looking forward to tomorrow’s monthly appointment.

Chapter Text

~~2 years earlier~~

His fingers traced the barrel of the gun hidden in his coat pocket as he watched you from under the rim of his cap.

Following you over the past few moths had proved to be fruitful as he finally found a break in your usual routine.

Every first Tuesday of the month you would visit a small local bakery without your guards and escorts. Only a driver. You would spend thirty minutes to an hour in the small shop before returning home with boxes of baked goods.

Yong-Min took another sip of his coffee as he eyed you from his spot across the street.

Perhaps this store meant something to you before you met your husband? Meh, Doesn’t matter.

Today he would get revenge on Jumin. He had waited for this moment for years.

The only thing was … He was starting to lose his nerve.

It was a shame you had to die. He thought you would be another stuck-up rich bitch, but you were actually a gentle soul. How could someone like you marry the monster that was Jumin Han?

The cold metal felt heavy in his palm as he stood, his fingers tracing the trigger.

He made himself presentable as to not raise suspicions before he got to you and crossed the street.

You would die today at his hands and Jumin would lose his world. A least, that was the plan. Until he saw your eyes.

Your eyes met with his as you exited the shop and smiled. He hadn’t seen them from up close before. Only from afar or behind a camera lens which did not do them any justice.

“Good day,” you said with a nod. “Beautiful day, isn’t it?”

Your eyes were so warm and welcoming, it reminded him of her. He had to have them.

Yong-Min smiled back, a new plan already forming in his head.

“Yes. It’s perfect.”

`````````````````````````````````````````````````

~~9 months after your funeral~~

Saeran stretched his arms over his head as the computer screen dimmed. A pale, skinny boy with sunken eyes stared back.

They were sooo close to finding your killer.

The twins kept working on discovering the truth despite Jumin pulling out a while back . He had asked them to stop multiple times before he gave up speaking with them at all.

Now, after months of tireless nights and endless days, they had narrowed the list of suspects who killed you to five. All enemies of C&R in some way with a vendetta against the Chairman and, by connection, Jumin.

The chairman had turned out to be pretty cold in his younger years. Taking out competition in whatever way he could, all to late be swept under the rug. It’s a wonder the company hadn’t been targeted before.

Saeran grabbed the last of the files off the printer and placed them in the folder of suspect 4 labeled YM.

They would present these folders to Jumin in a few days and hope he would start an investigation into them.

With everything in order, the redhead went to check on his older brother.

Saeyoung was even more run down than he was.

The twins only reprive from the constant analogs and code was you.  The two would make an effort to visit your grave once a week. It was the only thing that really kept the fire in their hearts going at this point. They would talk to you for hours before returning home with a newfound resolve.

We are so close. We will get those bastards and make them regret killing you.

Saeyoung was fast asleep in his bed and too his brother surprise, he looked peaceful. They had both been having trouble sleeping lately. Saeran was glad his brother could get some form of peace.

Saeran’s anger slowly dissipated as laid next to his brother, listening to his soft breathing.

Now that everything was ready, the grumpy boy could finally relax as well. His eyelids got heavy and darkness creeped in. 

As Saeran slipped into sleep, he wished with all his heart to see you in his dreams.

ZEN

He didn’t know where he was or how he got there. Did he run too far on his jog?               

Zen looked down to find he was in his normal suit and not workout clothes, so that was out of the option. The morning sunrays were peeking over the clouds dotting the sky. It could not be barely 6 or 7 in the morning.

What is going on??

Zen looked around for any clues of his whereabouts but the signs were blurry.

That’s odd. Do I need to get my eyes checked?

He walked down the long streets of the suburban neighborhood and stopped outside a large home with an orange tree peeking over the edge of the fence.

Those look like its almost time for them to be picked. Maybe I should get oranges on the way home. Once I find my way.

He turned his attention back to the house. Something felt as though it was pulling him in. Calling him.

Hearing voices walking his way he steps back from the house hoping to get a glance at whoever approached.

An old man carrying some bags turned the corner and was talking to someone behind him. Zen was about to ask him for directions when he saw a ghost.

It was you.

You were talking and laughing with the old man as you passed Zen, not even acknowledging his presence.

You had the same voice, the same hair, the same smile. You laughed at something the man said and Zen’s heart almost burst from his chest. Oh how he missed your laugh.

It was without a doubt you. It had to be. You were alive.

As you entered the front gates the tones shifted. The world went quiet and Zen stopped breathing as you turned toward him, fear etched onto your face.

“I can’t leave.” You whispered.

He wanted to run to you but was held back by an invisible force.

“Y/N!” Zen yelled. “Where are you?”

He would never forget the words you said next before he was dragged back into reality.

He gasped for air as he awoke, caked in sweat on the floor of his bedroom.

Sitting up, he grabbed at the clock on the nightstand and squinted at the red numbers in the darkness. 6:13 a.m.

Zen rushed to get ready. He understood now what that was.

The last thing you said to him remained burned in his brain.

Find me.

He needed to talk to Jumin.

By 6:27, Zen was tying his wet hair into his signature look. No time to care for details today.

He grabbed his jacket and started his bike.

You asked him to find you and, in his heart, he promised he will.

He won’t fail you again.