Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Behind you," murmured Percy as he walked around Nico, who had recently lost his sight in the war against Gaea. He still wasn't used to living without that sense, and had a habit of walking into Percy if he didn't tell him where he was.

Nico jumped at the voice behind him but sighed when he heard it was only Percy.

“Oh, hey,” he said glumly, hunching over again. Though his hearing was getting better, it didn't help that he was distracted from starting his day with a nightmare of Tartarus.

Fear of the unknown was more terrifying when he couldn't see what was about to hurt him.

Percy rested a hand on Nico’s shoulder as he saw a scowl appear on his face.

“Hey, you’re okay,” he reassured. “It’s just me… Was it the nightmares again?”

Nico sniffed again and nodded, crossing his arms. He looked down so Percy couldn’t see his face.

Percy frowned and trailed his hand to Nico’s chin, which he tilted upward so that he could see the younger’s face. He ran a thumb gently over one of the scars that ran over Nico's eyes. Nico twitched but didn't move away.

“Are you at least okay now?” The older boy asked, knowing that he probably wasn’t but wanting to hear the lie anyway. He wanted to be able to at least pretend to be reassured, pretend they were both happy, pretend life was exactly like normal even though he knew nothing would never be the same.

Nico’s damaged eyes opened unseeingly, Percy’s finger still brushing over one of his scars. He pulled away.

“No,” he spat, trying to keep his voice from shaking. “I’m not okay, Percy. Does it look like I am?” He turned away to take a breath. He felt bad for snapping at Percy but he was sick of lying, and having nothing change so he just stayed miserable. But he knew he always would. Without turning back to Percy, Nico mumbled,

“I- sorry,” he sounded tired and rubbed his face wearily, ignoring of the feeling of his scars on his hands. Thoughts wandering to his nightmare, he added quietly, “A-and I’m sorry about…Annabeth. I-I tried but…she got hurt anyways and…I’m sorry.”

Percy’s eyes glistened with unshed tears.
“It’s okay. It was her own decision to charge into the battle like that. Don’t feel like you’re responsible over her death.”
He chuckled weakly as Nico muttered something that sounded suspiciously close to ‘Hypocrite.’

“Besides, we have each other now. Is that good enough for you?”

Nico's expression was strained and pained as he clenched his shaking hands into fists.

Percy had blamed him at first, but even after he apologized, Nico knew he was right.

He could've tried harder, he could’ve moved faster; he should’ve stopped her. He should’ve been the one to complete the task and he should’ve been the one to die.

He wished it had been him. If any were to die, it should've been Nico. But all he’d lost was his eyesight while Annabeth had lost her life. 

"Nico," Percy said sternly. "I know you think you’re the one that should’ve died, but it’s not true. What do you see in her that makes her worth more than you?"

Because of love, Nico thought. Because she’s worth your love and I’m not, and I never will be. 

Obviously, Percy had been greatly saddened by Annabeth’s death, but he knew he had to move on.

'Why are you still worrying about me, Seaweed Brain? I’m fine. Go be a hero or something,’  she would’ve told him. But Nico didn’t know her well enough to think that. He didn’t know any of the seven well enough to even begin to guess at anything about them, and the fact that he had been so alone made Percy want to wrap him in his arms and just hold him for a while.

So he did.

But when Nico immediately tensed up, he started to think that the hug wasn't the best move.

“P-Percy, w-what are you—” he decided to shut up. He wasn't sure what to do, so he just stood still, trying not to think about all the nights he'd woken up screaming, shivering and alone, wishing there was someone there to hold him. Before he knew it, he was pressing his face into Percy's shirt and just broke down.

Percy stiffened in surprise. He hadn’t seen Nico cry in so long… He began to rub Nico’s back comfortingly.

“Shhh, shhh, I’ve got you, I’m here, it’s all right,” he comforted, tracing shapes along the contours of Nico’s spine. Then, without thinking, he pressed a light kiss to Nico’s temple. It was completely chaste, and Percy just hated to see Nico so sad. It had been killing him to see the expression of suffering on his face, and he had just wanted to make it all better for him. Now he feared he’d made it worse. So much worse.

“W-why are you doing this?” Nico couldn't help but wonder aloud. 

"Why am I doing this…" Percy mused to himself. "That’s a good question…I don’t really know, Nico.
"...But have you ever thought that maybe Annabeth wasn’t the only person I ever loved?" He mumbled it quietly, avoiding looking at Nico, even though he knew the other couldn't see him.

Nico froze, though he tried to hide his rigidness and slight fear. He was scared. Scared of what Percy would say next, because….because what?
Because he was probably lying? Just saying this to make Nico feel better? Most likely. But he sounded so sincere…and what reason did he really have to lie about that? It’s not like he knew…did he?
Oh gods, did he? 

Percy sighed and looked down. He should’ve known that Nico wouldn’t return his feelings, could never. They’d been enemies too long, had crossed each other too many times.
"I just… I’ve missed you. And it hurts too much to see you cry."

Nico didn't know what to say. He was confused and just managed to force out,

"I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he mumbled, blinking paled eyes. He turned away. “Just leave me alone.”

"Nico," Percy whispered, the hurt apparent in his voice. "Please…Don’t leave me. Not again." He didn’t say what he was truly thinking;

‘I need you. I need the way you always scowl at me then laugh anyway, the way you’ve always proved to be stronger than you seem, the way I always feel better when you’re around me, the way you make me feel whole, complete, myself.’

He knew there would be no end to the melodramatic garbage he’d say if he opened his mouth again, so he just wrapped his arms tighter around Nico, resting his chin on Nico’s head.

"Please…" He didn’t even know what he was asking for anymore, just that Nico would say something.

Nico felt tears well up in his eyes, which made his damaged eyes burn.

“Well where were you when I was in Tartarus?” he shouted suddenly, shoving Percy away angrily. “Where were you all those years I was alone, living in the Underworld! I was ten, Percy, and all because you couldn’t keep your promise! YOU PROMISED ME!”

Now Nico was almost ready to break down right then and there. He remembered when he’d gotten The News,
the news of his sister's death.
He’d tried to let it go but it would never fully be gone. And it was true, all the pain Nico’d been through was because of Percy.

Stupid, idiotic, perfect Percy Jackson.

“You can save an entire camp, but you couldn't save one immortal girl??” he gave Percy another shove and backed away, stumbling over his own feet. “I’ll bet you barely remember her name. Too in love with Annabeth to pay attention to anything or anyone else! Why do you think I do what I do? Did what I did? Godsdammit Jackson, I love you!"

Percy’s composure crumbled. “I just…” He crouched, putting his elbows on his knees and his head between his hands. Maybe if he tried hard enough, he could bury these memories. Bianca di Angelo, the young girl with a beautiful smile, dead. All over a quest to save his stupid girlfriend that had broke up with him two months earlier. All that they’d been through, and she still couldn’t see past herself. And now she was dead too. Might as well bury that memory deep as well. And the boy in front of him, who had so little happiness because of things he couldn’t control. Things Percy had caused… It was all Percy’s fault. He couldn’t take it anymore.

“I’m sorry!” He yelled. He felt like he would explode if he held in his feelings a second longer. “I’m so sorry Nico! I betrayed you! I’ve done nothing to help you! But I still can’t help but to love you! Why can’t you just see that I’m still trying to help you! Why can’t you just see…”

"In case you've forgotten, Percy, I can't see anything." Tears spilled down his cheeks, over the scars that streaked across his eyes. "I wouldn't be able to anyways, because you aren't helping me! If you are, you’re doing a pretty crappy job at it! When I was in Tartarus, all you did was make out with your girlfriend! But when you were in Tartarus, I didn’t eat or sleep until I found you!" Now tears were streaming down the boy’s face as terrible memories of Tartarus came into his mind. "And why are you always so dramatic about it?" his voice cracked painfully. "You had the easy way. I made sure of it. And you had her, Percy, you weren’t alone! It wasn’t half as bad as it was for me! So stop saying you understand, because you don’t! Don’t say you love me just because you feel bad for me, because to me, love is different. It’s something else. It’s you, Percy, I love you.”

"But I’m trying the best I can Nico, don’t you understand that!?  I can’t always put you first because I have to save the stupid world!  I know you’ve had it tough, but so have the rest of us!  The first thing I did when I got to this camp was lose my mom!"  He knew he was being unfair to Nico, who had gone through way more than him, but at this point he was just done.  He just wanted to find some solid ground with Nico, but everywhere he stepped a metaphorical chasm appeared in the earth.  He knew he had done a crappy job keeping Nico safe, keeping him happy, but when you have to protect the mortal world from age twelve, it gets a little difficult to keep your own priorities straight.  He was just so lost…

"I didn’t even get to camp before I lost my sister!" Nico retorted, tears welling up in his eyes. "I was ten, Percy. You promised to keep her safe! Your mom didn't even die! Mine did- I had to watch my mom be killed! Bianca was all I had and you took that away from me just like you took everything else!” Nico was practically screeching now, tears falling from his scarred, unseeing eyes. “All I did for you,” now he was speaking quietly, so painfully broken and hopeless it was enough to send anyone away with tears. It definitely did for Percy, at least.
 “I didn’t even get a thank you. Everything - it was all for you! My sister. The Titan war. Making you invincible. That was for you. Searching for the entrance, growing up in the Underworld - falling into Tartarus! I gave you the easy path. I almost died for you, hundreds of times! Then I almost die for your stupid girlfriend but it doesn’t even matter that I got hurt because she’s gone! How does it feel, Percy, how does it feel to loose someone that was your everything - someone who was your whole world. How does it feel?”

 Percy shook his head, tears streaming down his face. He couldn't form words, he just couldn't....

"I was saving the world, too, Percy," Nico whispered. "You were my world. So I was trying to save you." the older boy looked up at Nico helplessly. He shook his head again.

"Nico, I..."

"Save it," the son of Hades turned away. "Don't waste your breath. You'll need it."

What did that even mean?  Percy thought. But Nico was already walking away.

"Nico wait!" Percy grabbed his arm, but he yanked his arm away. Percy's eyes widened as he lost balance and fell forward. "Hey-" he started to reach to help Nico up but Nico recoiled as if his touch was poisonous.

"Leave me alone," he muttered. "You've done enough."

Chapter Text

Percy watches from the top of the hill as Nico walks carefully away. The son of Hades was tense, knowing that he would never forgive himself if Percy watched him fall again. It was one thing to be blind, it was another thing to fit the part. Of course, no one including Nico himself, was expecting him to be immediately accommodated to his new disability, but he never thought he would be this... pathetic.

He jumped a bit when he felt someone brush his arm as they caught up to him. He started to snap at Percy to leave him alone when he heard Jason's voice instead.

"Nico! I didn't see you at-" the older boy paused, frowning when he saw Nico's expression. "Hey, are you okay? What's wrong?" Nico ignored him and kept walking, glaring at nothing. Percy watched as Jason put a hand on Nico's back, leaning closer to him as he spoke. The two talked, Jason's hand never moved, being a steady presence and occasionally making sure to gently steer him in the right direction if he started walking off track. And not once did Jason get yelled at, punched, or left feeling like a piece of shit as he stared at the space where Nico had been standing.

Percy frowned deeply as he watched, crossing his arms. Finally he just sighed and headed down the hill. He needed a distraction.

So he sparred a bit with some of the younger campers, helping them with techniques and giving them tips. But his head was far away. He couldn't shake his thoughts about Nico. Every time he blocked an attack, he thought about how Nico would've blocked it, or how Nico would've attacked. He thought about how he wouldn't be able to block or attack anything now, now that he was blind. 

Percy got a padded sword to the chest for his efforts. He sighed and mumbled some lame excuse as he jogged away and into his cabin. He huffed and threw himself down on his bunk, staring at the ceiling. 

He wondered how Nico would survive now. Would he ever be able to leave camp? It's not like he could go back to the Underworld- he could barely walk down a hill without breaking something, much less navigate through hell. And Percy was sure as hell not about to let Nico go off on his own. Not again.  He'd made a promise to keep Bianca safe, and had stolen her life from her, Nico's along in the process. He'd ruined the poor kid's entire life. Everything that happened to him was Percy's fault- from his sister's death up to him losing his vision. 

That just made him feel worse.

Despite everything, Percy knew how dedicated Nico was. He was powerful and talented and wouldn't back down from a fight for anything. Nico was probably the most powerful demigod Percy knew. But now, that was all gone, and it was all because of Percy.

Percy rubbed his face wearily. He wanted to help, somehow, but had no idea what to do. He couldn't let Nico down again, not after all he'd done to him. Whenever he tried to help, he always just seemed to make things worse.

It wouldn't be easy, Percy knew that, but he swore now that he would do whatever he could to help Nico. Of course he would never be able to make everything up to him, but he would do whatever it took to get close.

Walking out of his cabin, Percy spotted Jason just leaving Nico's. Nothing in his expression indicated that something had gone terribly wrong, though he'd looked happier in his lifetime. Percy jogged over.

"Hey," he said, coming up beside Jason. "How's Nico?" The blonde glanced at him, and Percy got a glimpse of something in his eyes, but couldn't tell what it meant.

"Fine," he said flatly, looking away from Percy, who frowned a bit.

"What happened?"

"Not much," Jason kept his eyes on the ground, letting his feet scrape against the grass as they walked. "I helped him clean up after his...fall." he eyed Percy at the word 'fall'. Percy's brow furrowed in confusion and worry. Then he realized what Jason was indicating.

"You- I- I didn't push him," he snapped defensively. "If anything, he pushed me. He just tripped walking away. I didn't hurt him or anything I swear."  Jason stopped walking, glaring at Percy. His eyes were flashing with anger and he clenched his fists.

"I saw you push him! Even if you hadn't you'd still be a liar. You've hurt him plenty."

Percy stared at the son of Jupiter in shock. He didn't think he'd ever seen Jason like this before. He started to protest, to defend himself, but stopped himself from what would be a pathetic attempt anyways. He sighed.

"You're right," he said, and Jason looked a bit surprised, probably expecting a moronic shouting match. "I hurt Nico. I've hurt him so much and I feel terrible. But I want to help him," he insisted. "But he just doesn't let me! I don't know what to do, Jason. I don't know how- I know he hates me, but I just don't know what to do anymore! I want to help him, I'm just so...lost."

Jason studied him for a minute before he spoke again.

"He doesn't hate you," is all he said. "Trust me. He doesn't hate you." And with that, he walked away.

Percy stared after him helplessly. 

What was that supposed to mean?

Of course Nico hated him. Anyone who could tell two plus two would be able to see that. How was that supposed to help him anyways?

"Thanks for the help," Percy huffed, turning away. He stood there, glaring at nothing for a few minutes before heading to the dining pavilion for dinner.

 He sat down at his table, looking around at all the other tables that were filled with laughing, chatting, stomping, campers. It was pretty damn depressing. He looked over at Nico's table, but it was empty. He sighed.

Summoning his dinner, Percy scraped some of it into the fire for offering.

"Please," he muttered. "Tell me how to help Nico." he added some extra for Hades, just for good measure.

He sat dejectedly back at his table, just picking at his food. He wasn't hungry. Thinking about Nico and all that he'd been through had made him lose his appetite. And to think- if just thinking about it made Percy feel sick, he couldn't imagine having to live through it.

He didn't want to imagine.

 Sure, Percy had been through a lot too, and he definitely wasn't about to deny it. But Nico had done so much, been through so much, and he did all of it alone.

Percy would make sure Nico was never alone again.

Percy sipped his coke for a while until it would raise less attention for him to slip out early, though Grover had been giving him worried looks all throughout dinner. He shoved his hands in his pockets and headed to the Hades cabin to check on Nico.

As he walked, he tried to think of an excuse. He knew Nico would be completely offended if Percy showed up just wanting to check on him.

"I don't need you!" he'd yell. "I can take care of myself! Just leave me alone!"

Percy didn't think he could handle that right now. But before he knew it he was standing in front of the Hades cabin, with no clue what to say. But as it turns out, he didn't need to think of a reason to enter. Before he could even raise his hand to knock, he heard a pain-filled cry from inside the cabin. 

"PERCY!"

After talking with Jason, Nico went back to his cabin. He was too exhausted to do anything else but curl up in his bed. The eery lighting of the Hades cabin cast long shadows, and though he would never admit it, it scared Nico. After Tartarus, after everything, all his fears were creeping from darkness. Tartarus had been dark, the shadows always cast by some monster, whatever was about to hurt him next. Sometimes it was so dark he couldn't see anything, and the pain would come out of the darkness. That was worse. He couldn't see where he was being attacked from, all he'd feel is another pain and wouldn't have time to so much as look in that direction before it struck again. 

He supposed that's what life would be like from now on. 

Nico closed his eyes tightly, throwing an arm over his face.

His argument with Percy had taken a lot out of him, though, having gotten all of that out he had to admit part of him did feel slightly relieved. But mostly he just felt like shit, because dammit, he'd probably just lost the one person who really cared about him. 

He lay there, going over the fight in his head, trying to figure out a way to get past it. He didn't really see the point though, so eventually he just stopped trying. Why would he want to be close with Percy anyway? Anytime the boy came within five feet of him he'd just get hurt again. He was better off without him.

He didn't really believe that, though.

Nico didn't even realize that he'd fallen asleep, but wasn't surprised when the nightmares of came. Of course, that didn't make it any less horrible.

He was back in Tartarus.

It was dark, and he was alone. He gripped his sword tightly and looked around. He could actually see. He'd figured out that in his dreams, he could see as if he'd never gone blind. At first, he hadn't been sure if that had been a good thing or a bad thing. Now, he knew: it was a very bad thing.

He started walking, trying to see if he could find out where he was, maybe figure out a way to get out. Even just find a place to hide, anything would be better than standing out in the open. He felt too exposed; anything could see him and attack without having to waste a second.

"Nico!"

The son of Hades turned upon hearing his name being called. The voice was familiar, and his eyes widened as he saw Percy Jackson running towards him. He threw his arms around the smaller boy, holding him tightly and breathing in his scent, face buried in his (really quite dirty) tangled mass of hair.

Nico was shocked, but soon hugged back. 

"P-Percy?" he spluttered, pulling away. "What- what are you doing here?!" Percy smiled somewhat tiredly at him.

"I came to save you," he said, like that should've been obvious. Nico's eyes widened and Percy's smile just grew. "What? I couldn't just leave you here alone, I had to make sure you don't do something stupid and get yourself killed!" 

Suddenly Nico pulled away, eyes narrowing.

"Wait...but you lost your memory," he said, frowning. He took a step back. "How do you remember me? And how did you know I was down here?" Percy just laughed.

"I remembered you," he said, stepping closer to Nico again. He trailed a hand across his cheek. "I could never just forget you. I had a dream seeing you down here, and I just...couldn't let you go through this by yourself," his expression was pained, as if just the thought of Nico being hurt caused him grief. But Nico believed it. He closed his eyes and leaned into Percy's touch. 

"I found an entrance," Percy continued softly, arms going gently around Nico. "It was hard to find, but I knew I had to get to you somehow. I'm so glad I found you." His finger moved from Nico's cheek to his chin, lifting his face to his. Nico slowly opened his eyes, and saw Percy's flick down to his lips. And then he pressed their lips together, and oh, it was amazing.

Fireworks went off in Nico's head, and just as he remembered to kiss back, Percy pulled back. He leaned their foreheads together, smiling softly.

"You don't know how long I've wanted to do that," he confessed. Almost as if he was reading Nico's mind, he spoke again, "Annabeth...I never really loved her. We both just...went into it, thinking it was inevitable because of our past. But it wasn't real. Every time I kissed her, I was thinking of your lips. Every time she touched me, I would try to pretend it was you instead of her. It's always been you, Nico, always." Nico closed his eyes as tears stung them, and he let out a shaky breath.

"Percy..." suddenly his feet were off the ground and he was sailing through the air. He crashed into the ground with a yelp, that was quickly muffled by dirt. He groaned and pushed himself up, but then Percy was screaming. His eyes widened as he saw the giant holding Percy off the ground by his neck. Percy was struggling weakly, but the giant just laughed. Over Percy's shoulder, he looked Nico in the eyes as he ran his sword through the son of Poseidon's body.

"NO!" Nico screamed, his entire being filled with agony and horror as he watched Percy's lifeless body fall to the ground. "PERCY!" blood was already pooling around his body, his eyes staring unseeingly upward. 

In that instant, Nico could see everything.

He saw everyone he loved, everyone he'd ever held close, dead. He saw Bianca's crushed body, still inside the destroyed robot. He saw everyone on the Argo II, lying dead and bloody. He saw Reyna, coach Hedge, Will, Jason, anyone he's ever known and cared about, all dead. But, most of all, he saw Percy. As he stared at Percy's lifeless body lying in front of him, he watched Percy die, over and over, in every way imaginable. And then he could see himself.

It was like he was reliving all the pain he'd ever experienced. From school bullies to hearing about Bianca's death, from falling and scraping his knee when he was a kid to the torture he endured while he was in Tartarus. While the monsters stood over him, almost laughing as he lay there in pain. He could see the face of Misery, blood tears streaming down her face. Then blood was streaming down his face and he screamed.

He screamed for himself, he screamed for Bianca and for his life, but most of all he screamed for Percy. Percy, who was lying dead, just a few feet away. There was so much pain, so much suffering...he couldn't take it anymore. Someone grabbed him by the shoulders and he screamed yet again, immediately lashing out with his sword. He couldn't even turn around, he just thrashed at the monster until it let go, and then he fled. But soon enough, he was being grabbed again. He was forced to turn around, and he stared into the monster's face as it sneered at him.

"Nico!" suddenly Percy's voice came from the monster's mouth. "Nico wake up!"

And then he was back in his cabin.

Percy was kneeling in front of him, gripping his shoulders tightly. He looked terrified and had a bloody nose from all of Nico's flailing.

"Nico it's me!" he said, shaking him again. "It's Percy, I'm here, you're safe." Nico's eyes were huge. He was breathing heavily, gasping through tears.

"P-Percy?" he gasped meekly.

"Yes," Percy replied immediately. "It's me, I'm right here." Nico reached out to touch him and then took his face in his hands, as if he couldn't believe it was really him.

"Y-you're here? You're okay?"

"Yes, Nico, I'm fine," he assured the boy. He put his hands over Nico's on his face and took them, lowering them gently to his lap. Nico still looked thoroughly shaken, and Percy pulled him close, holding him tightly. Nico hesitated before he broke into sobs, burying his face in Percy's shoulder. He clutched onto the older boy like he was his lifeline, not letting go for the world.

"It's okay," Percy whispered, kissing his head. He rested his cheek against his hair, rubbing his back soothingly. "Everything's okay. I'm here, I'm okay, you're okay. Everything's okay Nico I promise." Nico nodded slightly into Percy's shirt, though he only held him closer. Percy sighed, closing his eyes. "It's okay."

"T-thank you Percy," Nico choked. "I-" he couldn't finish.

"Of course," Percy pressed a kiss to his hair again. "Of course. It was just a dream. Everything's fine. Everything's going to be okay. I've got you." Nico didn't respond, and after that neither did Percy. He just held Nico, and he didn't let go.

Chapter Text

The two stayed like that for a long time. Percy’s muscles were starting to cramp, but he didn’t care. Even if he did, it was worth it. Nico was worth it. 

The younger boy was still shaking in his arms, and Percy’s chest ached just seeing him like this. He wondered how many nights Nico had cried in the dark, alone. Percy had to bite his lip, and closed his eyes, holding Nico closer. 

“I’m here,” he whispered. “It’s okay. I’m here. I won’t leave you….” 

Nico nodded microscopically. 

“You’re here,” he repeated. “You’re okay…” 

He said it as if he were trying to convince himself. Percy couldn’t help but wonder what he’d seen in his nightmare. Could Nico even see in his nightmares? That was an interesting question…but now wasn’t the time. 

“I’m okay,” he agreed, rubbing Nico’s back soothingly. “You’re okay, too. Everything’s okay.” 

He thought about the nights he’d wake up shaking and sweating, sometimes even screaming, from nightmares. 

Annabeth was always right there, somehow able to sense his distress a second before Percy even could, and she’d immediately hold him close. She would hold his head to her chest because she knew hearing her heartbeat comforted him. He needed a reminder that she was there, that she was alive and okay. She would comb her fingers through his hair, murmur comforting words into his ear until he calmed down. Then she would say something about how he really needed a shower or when was the last time he brushed his hair because holy Hephaestus it was like trying to comb through bramble. 

She always knew what to do, knew exactly what would make him feel better. He loved that about her, and hated that he couldn’t be that for her. He hated that he couldn’t be that for Nico, too. 

Annabeth knew when to be serious. Percy didn’t - most of the time, ‘serious’ wasn’t even a part of his vocabulary. 

Which was why he was especially proud of himself right now. 

He didn’t say anything else and just held Nico. 

Finally the son of Hades sniffed and pulled away just slightly, wiping his eyes and keeping his face pointed down. 

Nico felt ashamed; he wasn’t supposed to be weak and breaking down and crying like a child. He’d cried in front of Percy twice today. That was twice more than would be acceptable for his whole lifetime. He felt weak. 

He felt like the child he knew people still saw him as. 

Percy was watching him worriedly. 

“C’mon,” he got ready to stand and held out a hand to Nico. “Let’s go for a walk.” It took him a minute to remember Nico couldn’t see him and he quickly took the other’s hand, face reddening a bit. 

Percy stood and Nico reluctantly allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. He winced a bit as he straightened his knees after sitting in that uncomfortable position for so long. He let Percy lead him to the door, but stopped there. 

Percy frowned a bit and looked back. He gave the thin hand a small tug.

“Nico?” He prompted. “Walk with me.” 

So he did. 

Neither of them spoke for a while. They just walked next to each other in silence, the only sounds being the various animal (or monster; who even knows), the crunch of twigs under their feet, and the distant cheers and conversings of campers at campfire. Percy could see the light from the fire, changing colors along with the enthusiasm of the crowd. He’d always thought that was really cool. 

Nico was lost in thought, though he could hear everything and then some, he wasn’t paying much attention. He frowned a bit when he felt the dirt turn into sand under his feet. 

“Where are we going?” He asked, looking up at Percy in confusion. 

“The beach,” Percy answered casually. Nico groaned. 

“Percy-” 

“Nico,” Percy mimicked the smaller boy’s tone. Nico glowered at him and the son of Poseidon couldn’t help but shudder. Nico’s dark eyes were even creepier now boring into him unseeingly but seeming as if he were staring right into his soul. 

Nico just seemed satisfied with himself at Percy’s reaction. 

“Come on,” Percy whined, swinging their hands. “I stash soda just for this purpose! We’re almost there.” 

Nico raised an eyebrow. 

“How often do you bring people here?”

Percy smirked somewhat humorlessly and plopped down in the sand, pulling Nico down next to him. 

Nico was unprepared for that and practically fell down, huffing and pushing himself upright again. He straightened his shirt with a dark look in Percy’s direction. Percy pretended not to notice. 
He didn’t say anything, for once, and Nico sighed and appreciated the silence. 

Campers were beginning to disperse and head back into their cabins. It was dark, and now that there was no longer the light of the campfire, the moon shimmered and sparkled on the water. It gave a soft illumination, making Nico look even paler and ghost-like. He looked like he was glowing, and gods, this boy was beautiful. 

Percy marveled at the way Nico’s pale skin had a soft, misty quality to it. He marveled at the way his long hair fell around his shoulders and framed his face, a sharp but beautiful contrast against his pale skin. He marveled at how his eyes sparkled. 
Percy had never really looked at Nico like this before. He saw things he hadn’t noticed before, like the way Nico’s lips pouted gently as he leaned back on his hands, the small scar on his forehead that looked almost silver in the lighting. He’d never looked at his eyes before he went blind, either. 

The longest gaze he’d gotten was just minutes after Nico had been rescued from the bronze jar. He was pale and sickly, weak and emaciated, leaning heavily on Hazel and still struggling to stay upright. 
Percy saw the exhaustion in his eyes. It was more than physical exhaustion; everything about him just screamed tired. He looked tired with life. His eyes looked like broken glass, full of pain and experience and something else, as if part of Tartarus had stayed with him. 

“Stop staring at me,” Nico said flatly, startling Percy out of his thoughts. He raised his eyebrows, silently impressed. Nico couldn't see him; how did he…

“I can feel you staring at me,” Nico’s tone was frowning just as much as his expression was. “I said stop it.” 
Percy couldn’t help but smile, and looked away. 

Neither of them spoke for another few minutes.

“I get them too, you know,” Percy said suddenly, interrupting the silence, his voice slicing through the cool, still air. Nico looked over at him curiously.

“Nightmares,” Percy explained. “I get them sometimes too.” 

“Yeah?” Nico said softly. He had been wondering, but never would’ve worked up the courage to ask. 

“Yeah.” Percy didn’t elaborate and Nico didn’t push him. He wouldn’t want to be pushed into talking about it either, but he got the sense that Percy might.

"Tell me about them."

Percy looked over at Nico, his heart speeding up a bit. He stared at him for a few minutes, before looking down again. He traced shapes in the sand, trying to decide whether or not to tell Nico. Finally he nodded slightly, but didn't look up.

"My nightmares? I...they're usually about Tartarus," he swallowed. Nico nodded understandingly, looking straight ahead. For the first time, Percy knew Nico wasn't being condescending or saying that he 'understood' when he really didn't. People always did that around him, telling him that he could always talk to them, that they're there for him, all the bullshit that drove Percy insane. It bothered him so much, for someone like Piper or Frank or Grover to say that they understood how they felt.

Nico was the only one who really could understand. Because he'd been down there too, he knew what it was like. He knew the fear, the pain, the torture. He knew the panic and terror, knew how it felt to be afraid of shadows or jump when touched. He knew how it felt to not sleep for days in attempt to keep the nightmares and demons at bay. Nico understood.

So, Percy told him. He told him everything, everything he'd done and seen in Tartarus. He told him about the fall, about landing in the river of despair. He told him about all the times Annabeth saved him; about drinking the lava; about Misery and Bob and Small Bob...he choked up a bit at that, and Nico looked down. He was hugging his knees to his chest as Percy spoke. He didn't interrupt, he just stayed as a comforting presence and listened to Percy talk.

Percy told him about the Death mist, about Annabeth going blind and Percy getting shot through the chest. He told him about all the monsters, the pain, the fear. He told him about how he let Bob sacrifice himself so he and Annabeth could get into the elevator.

"I...I just left him there...I left him to die," Percy shook his head. His eyes were far away and Nico was concerned. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do, or how Percy might react. 

"After all he did for us...I just left him..."

Nico felt Percy jump and stiffen as he reached to put a light hand on the older boy's shoulder. Percy looked over at him, relaxing into him again.

"Percy, if you hadn't done that, you wouldn't be here right now. Annabeth wouldn't either...if Bob hadn't died, Gaea would have won. The world would be in chaos, apocalypse if anyone was even still alive at this point. We all have to do things we don't want to, we've all done things we regret. But you did the right thing. Bob did the right thing. The best thing you can do is keep his memory alive. The fact that you care so much just shows how good of a person you are. You can't blame yourself for this. You're not a killer or sadist. You're not a bad person. You're a hero, and you're the strongest person I've ever met. But no one's perfect, and you can't save everyone. You should know that by now." He spoke gently, voice soft and somewhat shaky. His eyes were watery and Percy could feel that his hands were shaking. He nodded and blinked back some tears.

"You're right," he looked down. "You're right. I...thank you, Nico. If you hadn't told Bob about us me and Annabeth probably wouldn't have lasted the first day down there. So you're the real hero; you saved us. And, you survived Tartarus on your own. You didn't have anyone else with you or anyone to help you. You're the strongest person I know and you don't give yourself enough credit." 

Percy had thought that a lot, and was satisfied that he'd finally managed to put it into words and actually say it out loud. Nico's reaction made it even more worth it. He seemed shocked, mouth opening and closing like a fish. Percy smiled, satisfied.

"But I'm really not that heroic," he said honestly. "You heard it yourself...you give me too much credit. Most of what people think I do or what I get credit for, was really other people being, well, stronger than me. I needed help, and I still do. Everyone needs help, and it doesn't make you weak," he urged Nico. "Don't push people away. Let people help you." Nico looked away, biting his lip. He just crossed his arms and stayed silent.

"Now that I've told you all that...does that still mean I'm not your type?"

Nico rolled his eyes and shoved Percy.

"I swear to god, Jackson -  You're impossible."

Percy just grinned and ruffled Nico's hair.

"You know you love me."