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"It's quite simple, really," Sirius says as he aims his wand at a lemon on the counter, and he watches it slice itself into quarters. "You shoot the tequila, then you snort the salt up your nose, then you squeeze the lemon into your eye."
"Ouch. You first."
"No, really, I'm serious. You do it a couple of drinks into the night and you don't feel a thing."
"What do they call that again?" Remus says with a nervous voice, as he fiddles with the salt shaker with fumbling fingers.
"'The Suicide', apparently."
"Honestly, you don't think there's a reason why they call it that?"
Sirius pauses, the realisation dawning on his face. "Oh. I should of thought of that."
"Should have. God, you've been saying that for years now."
"Oh, I'm sorry, he-who-has-spelled-'defence'-with-an-S-for-the-past-thirty-odd-years-despite-once-holding-a-job-with-the-word-in-the-title."
"You know, this is all very exciting," Nymphadora Tonks pipes up, resting up on her elbows and looking about with a very dazed expression on her face, "but this counter is really hard on my back."
"Right you are, miss," Sirius says, patting her on the leg a little more harshly than he would have done if he were sober. "Hold still, or you'll knock the salt off you!"
"All right. Honestly." She rolls her eyes, and leans back, trying not to disturb the piles of salt peppered over her body: in the palms of her hands, on her belly, between her breasts and even (at the suggestion of the werewolf with the attraction to finely-shaped feet) in the little hollow between her heel and ankle. She's only got a pair of knickers and a bra on, and never would have agreed to this sober. Never. Not at all. But when it got to the second beer of the evening she'd thought it would be a fabulous idea, and though it took no effort to get Sirius to come around, Remus had been most reticent to the notion of getting completely drunk or doing anything that remotely challenged his well-crafted image of being either asexual or extremely British. But another couple of beers had loosened him up a little to the point of finally agreeing, though she did notice the redness in his cheeks when she tossed her robes and teeshirt to the floor. "Oy, Remus, can I have a swig before we start?"
"Erm, yes, hang on..." He unscrews the bottle, and holds it out to her, but she shakes her head and opens her mouth. Shakily, he tips a little into her mouth, and she coughs and chokes as she swallows it down, her face screwed up into a bitter expression. "Is that enough?"
"God yeah, cheers. Come on Sirius, you going to get on with it?"
"Right. Right." He relieves Remus of the tequila bottle and picks up a slice of lemon, and places it between her lips. She smiles nervously as she watches him pick a place to lick the salt from. He settles upon her left hand, and his tongue tickles her as it sweeps over her palm, his breath heating her sweaty skin, and soon enough she can feel the tequila being poured onto her belly. She gasps a little, and a few seconds later feels a tongue running over her and cleaning it all off her, dipping into her belly button, and finally relenting: releasing her breath as the tongue left her skin. She is only barely aware of the pressure on her lips as she feels him sucking at the lemon in her mouth, and merely seconds later he rises, his eyes pressed closed and breathing heavily.
"Hmm." She giggles a little, smoothing her now-free hand across her stomach, and avoiding the little patch of salt on her hip. She removes the lemon and licks her lips, feeling the tang on her tongue, and all of a sudden her skin feels ten degrees too warm.
"You all right?"
"Mm, yeah. More tequila?"
Sirius obliges her, and she swallows it without tasting it. It goes down easier this time, and she opens her eyes and smiles at Remus, who is doing a poor job of trying to look inconspicuous.
"Your turn," she says quietly, beckoning him over with her free hand.
"You... erm, you don't mind?"
"Of course not, silly!" She beckons again, and he approaches her feet slowly and lets one hand rest on her non-salted ankle. She sighs a little as his callused fingers skim over the underside of her foot as he bends down to suck the salt off her. He doesn't let his lips or tongue linger, like Sirius' did, and seconds later she feels the tequila pouring onto her again, splashing her bra a little: though, notedly, not as much tequila as Sirius poured.
"Are you--"
"Shut up and lick it off me," she says lightly, and he nods and obeys her. His breath is warm and she can feel his soft hair against her skin, and she squirms a little and lets out a tiny, silent moan, which she wonders if he can feel through her skin. Absently, her fingers tangle in his hair - purely out of habit - and she arches her back a little to press her skin to his face, trying not to knock the salt, which - by now - had stuck to her skin with the cold sweat.
He pulls away abruptly, his face red and his hair rumpled, and he looks more than a little sheepish. "I'm so sorry, I--"
She nods, and puts the lemon in her mouth. Taking hold of his hand, she pulls him down to meet her, and she thinks she can feel his bottom lip pressing against hers as he sucks the lemon: a dry, warm lip digging into hers, and she bemoans the lemon between their mouths. She sighs, as if trying to signal to him that she wants it to last longer, but eventually he breaks the contact and looks even more shameful than before.
"Wasn't too bad," she says, plucking the lemon out of her mouth. "Didn't kill you, did it?"
"No," he mumbles, staring at the little pile of salt between her breasts.
"Come on, is it my turn again?" Sirius grabs the bottle eagerly, surveying her body. "Where do you want me now?"
"Mm, my hip," she says softly. "Come on."
Sirius wastes no time as his tongue delves across her hip bone, and he dips his tongue just below the waistband of her knickers. She gasps as she feels a hand on her inner thigh, and she can feel his fingers inching higher. The liquor on her skin feels almost icy as it slides across her, and Sirius' tongue teases and flicks against her. She does little to stifle the moans, and as she opens her eyes she sees Remus watching on, utterly transfixed, with the bottle in his hand frequently making the migration to his lips. She's barely conscious of the fact that Sirius is no longer licking tequila off her, or that his hands have slid even further up along her leg, and she doesn't realise until the last second that when he bends down to her mouth that she hasn't put the lemon in.
His tongue is in her mouth in the blink of an eye; he tastes of tequila, and there's something a bit fervent and brutal and earnest about it that she likes. Absently, she rests a hand on the back of his head and opens her mouth to him, and as she does so she keeps an eye on Remus, who looks simultaneously hurt, jealous and aroused. She pushes Sirius away weakly, and he staggers backwards with a wide, stupid smile on his face.
"God. We don't tell anyone about this tomorrow, right?"
"I don't care," she says, reaching for the salt shaker and spilling more between her cleavage messily. "Come on, we haven't even finished the bottle yet."
"We nearly have, actually," Remus says, holding it up to the weak light. "Maybe one shot more."
"Whatever, hurry up," she says, reaching blindly for the slice of lemon. "Please."
Remus seems to hesitate, his eyes fixated on her. She takes his hand once more, squeezing it softly and stroking his palm with her thumb. Finally, with caution, he bends and tentatively places the tip of his tongue on her skin and sweeps up. She moans loudly this time, and reaches underneath her for the hooks of her bra, which she unclasps and throws to the floor. He looks at her for a minute, his face redder than ever before, and she takes the bottle in his hand and tips the rest of it over her chest. She takes his spare hand in her own, and kisses it softly. "Go on," she urges, and with that he bows his head and brushes his lips over her nipple before he takes it in his mouth, sucking and squeezing her other breast in his hand. "Oh, god..." She pulls his hair and presses him against her as her breathing becomes ragged and hoarse, and when he comes up for air it's his lips on hers now: not as forceful as Sirius' kiss but just as laden with alcohol. Then she feels something tugging at her knickers, and she involuntarily raises her hips as Sirius rips them off her. She can feel fingers stroking her now, slipping inside her, and she almost bites Remus' bottom lip off as she grinds against Sirius' hand, the fact that she's now quite naked in the kitchen with two much older men making their intentions very clear--
"Oh, fuck--"
"Come on, let's get her upstairs," Sirius says (or she thinks he says), and without realising too much more feels arms picking her up around her waist and carrying her off the bench. She squeals, and wraps her arms and legs around her abductor, who leans in to kiss her neck. She feels soft hair and a few days' growth, and she presses a kiss on top of his head.
"You're not afraid," she asks breathlessly as he carries her up the stairs, Sirius leading the way and thrusting his bedroom door open.
"Oh, I am," he says, setting her down over the threshold and leaning in to kiss her again. "Fuck... where's--"
"Get her over to the bed," Sirius says hoarsely. He's already tossed aside his robes and shirt, and his pants have all but dropped to the floor as he stands naked. She arches her back and presses herself against Remus again, and seconds later she can feel Sirius press against her from behind, his cock rubbing against her back. "You want to go first, Moony?"
"Oy, don't I get a say in this?" Her fingers fumble against Remus' chest as she tries to undo his shirt; his are no more controlled as they lightly run over the back of her neck, and she shivers when they rest on the base of her skull.
"I don't mind either way," Remus says quietly. "Whoever you want, I don't mind, Sirius can go first if he wants."
She hears Sirius moaning, and seconds later she feels herself being pulled from Remus and led towards the bed. She almost trips on the edge of the rug, and he catches her around the middle and edges her onto the bed. She turns around and sees him standing before her, with Remus watching on in the background half-naked and confused. She kneels on the edge of the bed and takes his cock in her hand, smiling as she strokes him. "You want anything?"
He thrusts forward gently, and the head of his cock presses against her lips. She opens her mouth and flicks her tongue over him, and Sirius' knees almost buckle.
Remus has come up behind her on the bed, and presses a kiss into the back of her neck. "Can I watch," he says softly into her hair.
"Uh huh." She takes Sirius into her mouth fully, sucking him from base to tip, and he grabs her hair to steady himself. He thrusts into her mouth, and she gags as he hits the back of her throat. She can feel Remus kissing her back and reaching around to stroke her breasts, and she settles into a nice rhythm, feeling warm and tingly and so desperate to be touched, and when she feels his hands slip down her hips and over the backs of her thighs she parts her legs a little to encourage his hand upward. And when she feels his fingers teasing her and stroking her skin she moans into Sirius, nearly biting him on the first rush.
"I'm not going to last much longer," Sirius stammers. She releases him from her mouth and nods, turning to face Remus on the bed and kneeling on all fours, opens her legs. She presses a kiss onto Remus' lips just as she feels Sirius pushing into her, and her knees turn to jelly as he grabs her hips and moans and pulls her to him. And Remus is kissing her and letting his hands traverse her body: drawing circles on her back, and teasing the underswell of her breasts, and slipping further down and down until she shudders, moaning into his mouth and groping for him. She hears a soft gasp as she wraps her fingers around him, and everything feels sticky and hot and wet and there's the ache that comes before... oh .
"Slow down," Remus whispers, and in a haze she moves her hand more slowly up and down him, but he shakes his head and raises his voice. "Slow down, Sirius."
"I can't--" He grunts, and thrusts harder, and before it can register on her mind she can feel his fingers digging painful into her hips as he comes loudly, slowing his pace and breathing heavily and almost collapsing on top of her in a sweaty mess. She gasps for breath and steadies herself against Remus, who's kissing her and stroking her hair away from her face.
"I'm sorry," Sirius pants as he slips out of her, "I couldn't... it's been so long--"
She turns to kiss him, hissing a lengthy 'shush' at him. "I don't mind," she whispers to him. "I liked it." And she kisses him again, feeling the wet heat between her legs cool in the night air.
"Here," Remus beckons, and she leans back into his arms. "Lie down."
She nods and does so, crossing her legs at the knees and watching him settle beside her. He's playing with her hair again and meeting her eyes most determinedly: as if he'd be seared by the sight of any of her body. She catches Sirius lie behind Remus, and as if by reflex Remus leans his head back against Sirius' shoulder, his eyes closed and his breathing heavy, as Sirius hand skims over his chest and downwards, and when he finally takes his friend in his hand she falls in love with the expression on Remus' face. But it's nothing on the face he makes when Sirius slides down his body and replaces his hand with his mouth.
"Fuck..."
"Shh." She leans closer, her breasts against his face. "Relax."
"I-- you won't--"
"You can't hold off forever," she says, leaning down to kiss him. "I like to watch too."
He nods feverishly, his ears red and his hair on end. "Do you want--"
"Fuck, yes," she says, and he takes a nipple into his mouth as one of his hands fumble between her legs. She's still messy from Sirius, and when he feels this he seems to almost lose it.
"I... can I--"
"Can you--"
"Can you... come closer..."
She thinks she knows what he's talking about, but she can't be sure for her head is spinning and her skin is so hot and the alcohol has seeped into every neuron in her brain. "Uh huh," she moans breathily, and kneels before his face, steadying herself on the wall. She's more grateful than ever that the house is empty, save for them, and when she feels this tongue against her she lets off a soft cry and sinks onto his face as he kisses her and licks away Sirius.
She can feel Sirius pull away from Remus, and he comes up beside her to push her aside. She's disappointed, but when she sees the desperation on Sirius' face she leans back to watch with baited breath. "I want--" He kisses Remus, his hands grabbing roughly at his head and pressing his hips against Remus. She sees him grinding his cock against Remus', and she can't help but slip a hand between her legs.
"Fucking hell," she mutters.
"Nobody finds out about this tomorrow," Remus groans into Sirius' mouth.
"We'll keep schtum, won't we?"
Sirius breaks the kiss, and nods sincerely. "It's us. We won't say anything. You can trust us."
"Here," she says, taking one hand and pulling him away from Sirius. "Come to me."
He succumbs, and shifts away from Sirius. "Are you sure," he whispers as she straddles his waist and smooths his hair out of his eyes.
She doesn't answer with words, but pulls him into her, gently rocking at first and getting used to the feeling of him inside her. His eyes almost roll into the back of his head, and he digs his fingers into her hips as he thrusts upwards into her. "I want... both..."
Sirius kisses him. "We've noticed."
"It feels..."
"Shh." She leans down to kiss him again, and grinds herself onto him. "Don't think about it." She wants to come: she wants to be left in a state with her skin flushed and her hair askew and her eyes bleary, and she wants to be fucked until she can't walk, and she sees his head being turned around to kiss Sirius and she cries out again as she rocks herself against him and her train of thought devolves into fumbling runs of poor grammar and mismatched words and when she does come, she collapses into Remus' chest as he groans loudly and holds her close as she can feel him coming inside her, and then there's nothing but the rushing of blood in her ears and the pulse in her fingertips and his chest, rising and falling in jagged gasps beneath her.
She feels her being rolled off him, and an arm pulls her tightly into a warm body; which one it is she can't tell, neither does she care to. A second body comes behind her and presses itself into her as hands stroke her face and her hair.
"Oh fuck," she gasps. "I--"
"Shh." Remus silences her with the lightest of kisses, and he lets the tip of his nose rub against hers. She can feel Sirius' legs tangle into hers, and she doesn't know if it's possible for the both of them to get closer to her.
"You all right?" Sirius is breathing heavily, with his hand resting on her stomach.
"Mm hmm. Tired." She inhales deeply, relishing the feel of her own skin against two warm bodies. "We are going to feel so fucked up tomorrow."
"Don't care." Remus' voice is sleepy, and she can feel his hot alcoholic breath on her neck.
"Like we have jobs to get to," Sirius jokes.
She stops for a minute to remember that she does, indeed, have a job of her own to get to, and she's about to bring this up until she realises that she's accrued two weeks of time off that she hasn't used up yet. She kisses the head to her left (she can't be bothered to open her eyes to check who), and doesn't even bother to reach for Sirius' lamp before she falls asleep in a tangle of limbs.