Chapter Text
Karasuno loses to Kamomedai, after Hinata’s fever and Kei’s leg cramp.
It feels like shit, and Kei hates how shitty it feels. Hates that they let themself care. But it also feels good, to have made it this far, because in the next two years, Kei knows that Karasuno will get further.
That doesn’t make them feel less like shit in the here and now, though.
“Oi, Megane-kun.”
Kei pulls a face at the nickname, despite being borderline used to it; so many people from other schools call them that at this point. As long as they keep their hands off of Tsukki, Kei really couldn’t give less of a flying fuck what they called them.
They turn, eyes widening only a fraction, barely betraying their surprise.
“Oh. It’s you.” Kei turns back around, sinking down on the bench where they sit. “Come to gloat?”
Hoshiumi Kourai huffs, loud and indignant, and stomps around to stand in front of Kei. “Oi, oi, whaddya take me for! I came to tell ya that next time, ya won’t be scoring any block points off me! So, just you watch out, Megane!”
“I have a name,” they mumble, refusing to look up.
“How’s yer leg?”
“It was just a stupid cramp.”
Hoshiumi hums. “That sucks even worse, that it was just something small.”
“What do you want from me?” Kei finally looks at him, a cold glint in their eyes. “Seriously, what the hell are you doing here? Because Hinata isn’t here, so–”
“Hinata Shouyou wasn’t the only player on the court today, Tsukishima-kun,” Hoshiumi scolds, hands on his hips and scowl on his face. “Forget that I even said anything. I’ll see ya next year, ya tall asshole.”
Hoshiumi walks away, and Kei has no clue what the fuck just happened.
“I’m not going.”
“You’re going, Tsukki–”
“I’m not going.”
Yamaguchi huffs and swats Kei’s book out of their hands like a cat.
“It’s Hinata’s and Kageyama’s first match against each other since junior high! You’re going! They’re our best friends.”
“No, they’re your best friends. My only best friends are you and Yachi-san.”
“No one has heard from Yacchan in like a year.”
“I know, we’re close enough that distance and time doesn’t affect us,” Kei deadpans.
“You’re full of shit, we’ve got to go!”
“You can go without me.”
“You’ll get to watch one of them lose!” Yamaguchi says it so fast, his words run together a little.
Damn. That does appeal to Kei, which is probably bad. But they have a whole other reason to avoid this match, alright? It’s not really about their shitty personality (though that is, admittedly, a contributing factor).
“Come on. Out with it, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi says, sitting on the table in front of them. “Why don’t you want to go, really?”
Kei groans and faceplants onto Yamaguchi’s knees. “Don’t make me talk about it.”
“You have to talk about it,” Yamaguchi replies, mimicking Kei’s whiny tone. “Because I’m dragging you to the match, one way or another.”
Kei groans again. “Don’t do this to me.”
“Come on, Tsukki.” He ruffles Kei’s hair. “Talk to me. What is it?”
“After the match, we’re all gonna go out for drinks,” Kei whines. “And then the morons are going to compete for who can say it faster, but it doesn’t fucking matter, because one of them will confess.”
“And you’re still hung up on Kageyama,” Yamaguchi concludes, sighing. “I’m sorry, Tsukki. But think, this is going to help you get over him. And you don’t know that they’re getting–”
“Kageyama told me that he’s confessing after the game,” Kei says miserably.
Yamaguchi sighs, hand running through Kei’s hair. “You still have to go.”
Kei’s misery melts from their features, and they look up at Yamaguchi. “Dammit.”
“Can’t try and use feelings to get by me; I know you too well.”
The bar that Bokuto leads them to is practically empty; a good, private place for popular volleyball players to sneak away to drink with their rivals after a game.
Kei hangs back in the corner, next to Sakusa Kiyoomi, and wonders why the fuck Sakusa even came. The man hates germs, people, and crowds. What gives?
Bokuto has his arm slung around Ushijima’s shoulders, talking loud and happy, as you’d expect. Slowly, more and more people filter in, but it’s only people that they know from high school. No one who’ll want to expose what’s sure to happen tonight.
Miya Atsumu and Kageyama are talking about something, and Atsumu pats Kageyama’s back with just a little more force than appropriate for something friendly.
Ah, rivals.
Kageyama must sense that Kei is looking at him though, and he turns to face them. His eyes brighten, and it goes straight through Kei’s heart like a cruel joke.
They’re not exactly friends since high school, but they’re not, not, friends. Sometimes, Kageyama comes over to talk, and they drink kahlúa and milk while bantering and catching up. And sometimes Kageyama falls asleep on Kei’s couch.
That was how Kei found out that Kageyama’s confessing today at all; a tipsy reveal that Kageyama probably doesn’t even remember telling them.
Kageyama makes his way over, nods in lieu of greeting.
“Tsukishima.”
“Yeah?”
Kageyama bumps their shoulders together, hands Kei a glass of something. Kahlúa, if he knows what’s good for him.
Kei takes a sip. It’s kahlúa. Good.
“Enjoy the game?”
“It was fine.”
“I’m surprised you came. Did Yamaguchi have to drag you?” he asks, sipping whatever’s in his own glass. Kei’s guessing whiskey. Liquid courage, and all that.
“Does it really matter?”
Kageyama snorts. “No. No matter how you act, I know that Yamaguchi can’t make you do anything that you don’t want to.”
“Whatever.”
“Thanks, for being there.” It’s so stupidly sincere. Kei hates it.
“Whatever.”
“I’m serious.” Kageyama bumps their shoulders together again. “Come on. Just because there’s people around, we can’t be friendly? You never have a problem being nice when we’re alone.”
“I have a reputation, your highness.” Bullshit, and Kei almost cringes at the sound of their own voice.
Kageyama just snorts, genuinely humored. Disgusting. “Okay, sure you do.” He takes another long drink from his glass. “But that was promising, hearing you call me your highness. Means you’re still in there.”
“Fuck off.”
Kageyama smirks. “Alright. Talk to you later, then, Tsukishima.”
He saunters off, and is replaced with Yamaguchi and Yachi. Both a welcome change and a frustrating one, because Kei knows that they both know what’s going through their mind right now.
But then, Yachi understands, Kei realizes, seeing the way she avoids looking at Tanaka’s hand in Kiyoko’s.
Right.
High school crushes die hard, or whatever.
They set the glass of kahlúa down. Right now, they don’t feel like drinking. Maybe it’s because this whole situation makes them feel sick to their stomach. The crowd, the unrequited love, all of that.
Kei doesn’t pay attention, really. They drink some water and continue to hang back. Yamaguchi and Sakusa speak to one another with surprising ease– but then, Yamaguchi has plenty of practice with socially awkward, sarcastic nerds. Yachi finishes whatever was in her glass and announces that she’s catching a cab back. Kei and Yamaguchi wave her off.
The night gets late, as the idiot duo start shouting at each other about something or other but the chatter in the bar is just loud enough that Kei doesn’t have to hear.
But they can’t miss it, not when the room quiets down in time for Kageyama to declare, “I’m in love with you!”
Kei’s heart drops to the floor, but their facial expression remains neutral. A fond yet irritated eyeroll, for show. As soon as Hinata tells Kageyama he wants a kiss, though, Kei is out of there.
They lean back against the building, breathing heavy but refusing to cry over something so fucking stupid. It was a high school crush. It’s barely a feeling anymore, isn’t it? So what! So what, if Kei and Kageyama have hung out once a week every week that they could since high school while Hinata was in fucking Brazil and so what! So what if Kei liked when they’d stay at Kageyama’s just a little too late and Kei would fall asleep on his shoulder.
It doesn’t mean that it was ever more than a stupid high school crush.
Fuck.
They are crying, after all.
The door to the bar opens and shuts, and when Kei sees a shadow on the pavement, they tense up. They’re expecting to have to tell Yamaguchi to get lost, they’re fine. But it’s not their best friend who speaks.
“Oi, Megane-kun.”
Kei looks up, surprised to see it was Hoshiumi Kourai instead who followed them out.
“Oh, it’s you.”
Hoshiumi laughs, loud and brash, but Kei doesn’t tell him to shut up. It’s better than the silence as they wallow in self-pity, they suppose.
“This is some kinda déjà vu, huh, Megane-kun,” Hoshiumi says. His eyes are shiny, but not from laughter. “D’ya wanna get outta here?”
Kei wipes a tear away pathetically and shrugs. “Whatever.”
Hoshiumi must understand that’s a yes. He nods his head towards the street, and then starts walking. Kei doesn’t know where he’s taking them, but they suppose it doesn’t matter. They just want to get out of here.
“What’s yer poison?” Hoshiumi asks as he turns his keys in the lock, pushes the door open. “I got beers, a few sweet wines and a few semi-dry ones, got some sake and some bourbon, a little rum, some vodka, some kahlúa–”
“Kahlúa,” Kei interrupts. “Why do you have so much booze?”
“Because the team crashes here sometimes and we drink, but for some reason, no one likes the same things! Always got kahlúa on hand for Tobio-kun, ‘n the sake and beers are for pretty much everyone, then the wines are for Romero but he also likes vodka and rum, Fukuro likes bourbon…”
“Got it.” Kei isn’t really interested in hearing every single member of the Schweiden Adlers’ drink orders, especially not if it’s going to lead to a conversation about Kageyama. They want to think about anything but Kageyama, though they suppose going home with his teammate wasn’t their brightest move.
Hoshiumi huffs at being interrupted again, tossing his keys in the bowl and toeing off his shoes. “Yeah, alright. Didja have anything to drink at the bar?”
“Water,” because they only got one sip of kahlúa, and Kei doesn’t drink beer. They toe of their shoes as well and murmur a, “Pardon the intrusion.”
Hoshiumi turns around and gapes at them. “Ya mean to tell me that yer stone-cold sober right now?”
“Yep.”
“And ya agreed to come home with me?”
“Yep.”
“Not even knowin’ if I had yer choice of alcohol?”
Kei gives him a flat look. “I’m sorry, would you like me to leave or something? Because it’s not as if I’m particularly committed to my decision to be here right now. Anywhere was better than there.”
“No, no,” Hoshiumi says in a rush, waving his hands. “’s fine, I’m not tellin’ ya to get lost or anythin’. I’m just surprised ‘s all, ’cause it ain’t like we know each other outside of havin’ some mutual friends.”
“Wow, did our brief, passive-aggressive encounter in high school mean nothing to you,” Kei deadpans, tossing their hair out of their eyes. “Look, I didn’t want to stick around to watch the wonder twins get all mushy now that they’re reunited, and I’m assuming neither did you. So, I’m here. And frankly, I don’t even know why, because you haven’t told me why you invited me.”
Hoshiumi’s whole face goes red, like he was hoping that Kei wouldn’t ask about that. He turns around and starts walking to another room. Naturally, Kei follows.
“Don’tcha even know what it usually means when someone says, ya wanna get out of here? Megane-kun, don’t tell me you ain’t ever heard that before.”
Kei’s brows pull together. They do, but they didn’t think that was even on Hoshiumi’s mind. It’s certainly not something they’ve ever been asked directly– not in that actual context.
“You didn’t honestly think that I was going to sleep with you, did you?” they ask, not bothering to beat around the bush.
Hoshiumi goes even redder, flinging open a cabinet and riffling through bottles of liquor. “’Course not! But to be fair, I also didn’t think you’d actually come home with me, or that you’d be so damn sober when ya did!”
Kei is equal parts confused and humored. They’ve never so much as kissed someone, let alone have sex, and they don’t plan to do so in the present moment with a guy they hardly know. But it’s a bit flattering and definitely hilarious that the Hoshiumi Kourai found them attractive enough to ask them back to his place and proceed to be surprised that they would agree, even sober.
“Wipe that damn smirk off yer face; I swear, yer worse than Sachirou,” Hoshiumi huffs, finally finding the kahlúa bottle and pulling it down. “’n for yer information, ‘s not like I was gonna try ‘n seduce you! I’m perfectly content just havin’ someone to hang out with while I process what just happened, alright!”
Kei raises their hands in surrender. “Alright, alright. Apologies for assuming you were trying to get in my pants, or for not assuming it earlier?” They do not wipe the smirk off their face.
Hoshiumi slams a couple of glasses on the counter and fills them with the kahlúa, and then he slides one over to Kei.
“So, how come ya were crying outside of a bar after Tobio-kun told Shouyou that he’s in love with him?”
Ah. So they’re getting right into that then. Great.
“I wasn’t crying. I had something in my eye.” Kei sips the kahlúa, their expression carefully neutral.
“Cut the shit, Megane-kun; you looked like someone stole the last piece of cake and then told ya there’s no such thing as Santa Claus.” Hoshiumi leans forward on the counter, eyeing Kei thoughtfully. “I only ask, ’cause I know that I got outta there to avoid thinkin’ about how Shouyou chose Tobio-kun ‘n it’s always gonna be Tobio-kun ‘n the rest of us were just stupid for hopin’ we stood a chance.”
Kei huffs, continues drinking. They really don’t want to get into this right now.
“Megane-kun, ya might as well talk to me about it. I’m one of the people who gets it, ’cause I feel the same shit.”
“No, you don’t.” They set their glass down, frowning at the counter. “You’re in love with Hinata? Good for you. So are most of the people we played with in high school.”
“Right, ‘n that’s my point–”
“No,” Kei says, firmer this time. “I’m not in love with that stupid little shrimp.”
Hoshiumi opens his mouth, probably to defend Hinata’s honor, just for it to snap closed. He’s processing, the information is bouncing around in his brain, and then, his eyes widen.
“Yer in love with Tobio-kun, ain’t ya?”
Kei clicks their tongue and picks their glass back up. “Love is a strong word.”
“Yeah. I just silently cry ‘bout unrequited feelings all the dang time when it’s nothin’ serious.”
“Fuck off,” Kei snaps. “Honestly, who do you think you are? You invite me here to get away from it and now you’re trying to make me talk about it like you’re some sort of therapist?”
“I’m someone who wants to be yer friend, ya massive dick,” Hoshiumi says, setting his glass down and crossing his arms. “Which I wanted to be in high school, ’cause ya were real good at keepin’ up with me and tossin’ banter back and forth. But yer too much of a cynical asshole to think anyone actually wants to be yer friend other than Float Serve-kun and it makes ya damn insufferable to try ‘n talk to!”
Kei glowers at him. “If I’m so insufferable, why did you invite me here?”
“Because I still want to be yer friend!”
They look away from him. This whole situation is stupid and confusing.
“Thought you were trying to get laid.”
“It woulda been nice,” Hoshiumi admits, “but mostly I needed someone who got it. Not someone who’d tell me maybe there was a chance, or I’ll get over it, or it’ll hurt less with time. Just someone who knows that it fucking sucks right now and there’s nothing to be done about it.”
“Yeah, well.” Kei picks up their glass and downs the rest of the kahlúa. “I’m not going to sit around and share sappy sob stories with you. We’re going to drink in silence, unless you want to talk about volleyball, and even then, think if it’s something I really care about hearing.”
“Trick question, ya don’t care about hearin’ anything, Megane-kun.”
“Do not call me that.”
Two hours and three bottles of kahlúa later find Hoshiumi and Kei in the living room. Hoshiumi is laying on the couch while Kei sits on the floor. Their feet are under the kotatsu and their head is leaning back against the couch. Hoshiumi plays with their hair, twirling the curls around.
“He’s just so– stupidly pretty,” Kei whines, tilting their head back to look at Hoshiumi. “You don’t get it Hoshiumi-san. You’re in love with Hinata just like fuck all everyone else. But Kageyams’ so…”
“I know, Megane-kun,” Hoshiumi slurs, “I totally getcha. ‘s so miserable when you just wanna hold his hand ‘n be like, hey yer super fuckin’ cute and I’m in love with ya, but instead they went off ‘n were in love with each other. Fuck that!”
“I couldn’t stand watching him serve today… How do you stand on his side of the court, ev’ry single day, Hosh’umi-san? He’s like… some kind of ether…ethere…” Kei’s face screws up as they try to place the word. “He’s fucking hot.”
“I know, Megane-kun, I know.” Hoshiumi lightly scratches his fingers across Kei’s scalp, and they sigh contentedly, leaning into him more.
“We drink together almost every week ‘n I dunno why I’m so shocked… I knew he was gonna confess but I still… I still hoped.”
“I forgot to get Shouyou’s number in high school ‘n then he went off to Brazil… ‘m so pathetic for still bein’ so damn whipped.”
“You’re not pathetic,” Kei slurs in earnest. “You’re just like the rest of us dopes who fell in love in high school ‘n then never got the fuck over it.”
“This is so lame,” Hoshiumi whines, readjusting to hang off the couch some, arm thrown over Kei’s shoulder. “Wish they could feel so… like this, like we do…”
“No you don’t,” Kei groans, “’cause you’re all stupid and in love and wouldn’t wish misery on them.”
“I hate it when yer right, Megane-kun.” He sighs and leans over more before toppling out of the couch and onto Kei’s lap. “Whoops.”
Kei laughs, and they’re not even totally sure why they’re laughing. But this is, for some reason, hilarious for them. Their laughter breaks into a yawn.
“Hey, ‘m I– ‘m I sleeping here, Hoshiumi-san?” they ask, poking his cheek.
Hoshiumi blinks up at them a few times. “Sure as hell ain’t lettin’ ya go home drunker than a sailor, so yeah, yer stayin’ over.”
Kei hums, satisfied with that answer, and pulls the blanket of the kotatsu over themself and Hoshiumi. “Okay.”
“We’re not sleepin’ under the kotatsu though, Megane, sorry to disappoint.”
Kei groans. “Fine.”
“Yer gonna sleep in bed like a proper grown up ‘n ya can borrow some shit to sleep in. Yer tall but yer still skinny, so ya should fit in my clothes, I think.” Hoshiumi gets up and offers his hand to help Kei stand.
Kei takes it and wobbles a bit. They’re not used to getting this drunk, ever. But the silence of the evening – and there was a lot of it – was filled with more drinking. And now they can’t walk straight. Well, they can’t do anything straight, really, but that’s more of a being gay thing.
“Do you think– d’ya think we could make ‘em feel even a little jealous?” Hoshiumi muses, wrapping an arm around Kei to lead them to his room.
“No… They’re in love with each other… wouldn’ spare us a second glance.”
Hoshiumi hums. “But what if we could? Or even jus’… have somethin’ goin’ on to throw ‘em off our scent?”
Kei frowns as they process. They’ve got no fucking clue what he means, but they’re too intoxicated to really know what anything means.
“How’re you gonna do that?”
“I mean… even if they ain’t crushin’ on us, we’re still a couple o’ fine lookin’ guys–”
“’m not a guy,” Kei mumbles, too far gone to think about the fact they just came out.
“Eh?”
“Nonbinary.” They point to themself with the hand not on Hoshiumi for support.
“A’right, well we’re a couple o’ fine lookin’ people,” Hoshiumi amends, “so even if it’s just a second, they’re bound to feel a little disappointed to see us off the market, don’tcha think?”
Kei shrugs, still processing what words mean.
“Oh my god.” Hoshiumi stops and looks up at them, eyes comically wide. “I’ve been callin’ ya Megane-kun, but yer nonbinary! Should I call ya somethin’ else!?”
“My name would suffice,” Kei slurs with an eyeroll.
“Oi, oi, now that’s no way to address yer upperclassman and the man who’s gonna save yer hide from yer big gay crush bein’ discovered,” Hoshiumi says, though he starts giggling halfway through for unknown reasons. “So, you just listen here, goldilocks–”
“Goldilocks?”
“’s what I said, blondie! Keep up!”
Kei rolls their eyes again, but so much eyerolling while drunk is starting to make them a little dizzy, and they stumble.
“You ‘n me, we’re gonna pretend to date!” and Hoshiumi says it like it’s the most ingenious plan of the century.
Kei gasps, drunk enough to believe it is. “Holy shit. Maybe you’re not so stup’d after all, Hoshiumi-san. I’m almost imp– impre’d…? ‘s a good idea.”
“Everyone thinks I’m dumb,” Hoshiumi sighs, pulling Kei into the bedroom. “It’s ‘cause I’m so pretty.”
“I don’ think you’re dumb,” Kei assures him. “No more ‘n I think everyone’s dumb.”
Hoshiumi’s eyes start watering, and he looks at Kei with the most ridiculous grin. “I think that’s the nicest thing ya ever said to anyone other ‘n yer cutie pie freckled friend, goldilocks. Lemme getcha somethin’ to wear to bed.”
Kei wakes up in an unfamiliar bed with an unfamiliar warm body wrapped around them like a squid.
They frown, but they’re exhausted and hungover, so they don’t try to move. Instead, they take stock of their current position and attempt to deduce what happened.
I’m wearing a shirt… but it’s not mine, they note, peaking an eye open. I’m wearing underwear, but no pants. Last night, I went home with… Hoshiumi-san.
Kei opens their eyes again to look at the head nestled on their chest. White hair… oh my god. I’m in bed with Hoshiumi Kourai. And he’s not wearing a shirt. And he’s clinging to me. Oh my god.
To their credit, Kei manages to stay still, even as they begin to panic. Before last night, Kei had never so much as kissed someone on the cheek, much less– well, you know! And they find Hoshiumi attractive, obviously. But they certainly wouldn’t want to just– just hook up with him! Especially not when they’re still all messed up about Kageyama!
Hoshiumi moves around a bit, and Kei holds their breath. They’ve got no clue what they’re even supposed to say to him right now; they’re still processing all of this information. He grunts and tightens his arm around Kei before his face scrunches up. He’s probably confused too.
(Kei hates to admit it, but it’s really cute.)
“Who’re you ‘n why’re ya in my bed?” he mumbles, practically still asleep.
“Tsukishima Kei,” Kei croaks out, “and I can’t answer the second one because I don’t remember.”
Hoshiumi’s eyes fly open and he pulls away from Kei at record speed. Kei wouldn’t say they’re offended, per se, but come on! There are way uglier people to wake up in bed with. Seriously, Kei was one of the most attractive people at the after-party yesterday. Hoshiumi should be so graced with their presence.
“Kahlúa,” Hoshiumi groans, throwing an arm across his face. “I remember a lot of kahlúa.”
“Did we–?” Kei looks at him, feeling like they’re on fire. “Did we sleep together?”
Hoshiumi takes his arm off his face and looks at them. “Uh…” He tugs their shirt collar down and they yelp, but he’s looking and they just sort of. Let him. “No. I’m a biter. And a top. You’d still be feeling it if we fucked last night.”
Hoshiumi releases the shirt, and Kei lets out a sharp breath of relief.
“Oi, oi,” Hoshiumi says with a frown. “This surely isn’t the worst hypothetical hookup you could’ve had!”
“Uh, it’s hypothetically the only hookup I would’ve had, actually,” Kei deadpans. “So, forgive me for being relieved.”
Hoshiumi’s eyes widen. “You mean to tell me that Tsukishima Kei is a blushing virgin!?”
“The secret’s out,” Kei snorts. “I’ve never kissed anyone either.”
“Holy shit.”
“I know. Side effect of unrequited crush since high school on someone I see regularly: I haven’t had a chance to really think about anyone else like that.”
“I could’ve been Tsukishima Kei’s first kiss, and first– wow.” Hoshiumi breathes a small laugh. “Lucky hypothetical me, huh, Megane-kun?”
Kei snorts. “Yeah. Lucky hypothetical you.”
They lay quietly for a moment, and then Hoshiumi turns on his side to look at them. “Hey.”
“What.”
“I think I tried to ask yesterday, but I was stupid drunk, so it came out wrong.”
“Oh…?”
“Do ya mind the -kun suffix? ‘Cause some nonbinary people I know don’t like the suffixes associated with their assigned gender, while others don’t really care?”
“I don’t really care,” Kei says. “The only thing that I ask is that you use they/them instead of masculine pronouns.”
Hoshiumi hums. “Okay. I can do that.”
“I think you switched from Megane-kun to goldilocks though,” Kei remembers, turning their head to him. “You’re awful at giving nicknames, and you clearly know my real name.”
“Aww, but goldilocks, nicknames are terms of endearment! You should feel so honored!”
Kei grabs the pillow from under their head to smack Hoshiumi in the face with it. “Shut up.”
“Ya come into my home, and ya attack me? What a terrible houseguest, goldilocks, didn’t yer mother teach ya any manners?”
“My mother is how I got my incredibly charming personality, actually,” Kei says. They laugh, and then they groan, because, ow, hangover.
“I’ll getcha some water,” Hoshiumi says. He scrubs a hand over his face and stands up, in all his shirtless glory.
Honestly, as someone who’s on a volleyball team with plenty of attractive and buff men, Kei is embarrassed at how quickly they avert their eyes. But they can’t help it! This is totally different from locker room context. Kei just slept in Hoshiumi’s bed.
They sit up when Hoshiumi leaves the room and fumble for their glasses, probably on the nightstand. Ah. Found them. Kei puts the glasses on, which only minorly helps their hangover headache. They stretch, their entire body feeling tighter than if they’d lifted weights with Kyoutani the previous day.
Who knew drinking so much would have such consequences?
It’s only mildly horrifying, the way that Kei remembers bits and pieces of whining about their years-long unrequited crush on Kageyama. But when Hoshiumi found them crying outside of the bar, he probably already knew that Kei had feelings for one of the idiots. Better he knew which idiot.
Hoshiumi returns about five minutes later, holding a small tray containing two glasses of water, two mugs of what smells like coffee, and a plate with a few pieces of toast.
“Ya can use my shower after ya get some water, caffeine, and carbs in yer system,” Hoshiumi tells them. He sets the tray down on the bed and sits across from them, on the other side of it.
“Breakfast in bed, how romantic,” Kei snorts. “I can imagine how much better I would have gotten than just toast, if we’d actually hooked up.”
“Yer so right,” Hoshiumi laughs. “I woulda brought out the good cereal, just for you.” He winks, and Kei rolls their eyes.
“Can’t cook, Hoshiumi-san?”
“Not for the life of me, nope!”
“How did you even make it this long living on your own if you can’t cook? Surely you don’t live on takeout– you’re an athlete.”
“There’s plenty of healthy foods that don’t require a stove, goldilocks.” Hoshiumi picks up a mug of coffee and sips it. “Drink yer water, or yer gonna feel like a goddamn zombie all day.”
“Lots of experience with hangovers, hm, Hoshiumi-san?” Kei snorts, but they pick up the glass of water anyways, because they don’t want to feel like shit for the whole day.
“No, ’cause I stay hydrated,” he laughs, drinking more of the coffee. “Eat the toast too. Carbs will absorb whatever’s left of the alcohol in yer system.”
“Stop acting like a parent, I know how to take care of myself.” Kei sips on the water. “Anyways, sorry for taking up half of your bed last night.”
“And my shirt,” Hoshiumi adds, but he’s smiling, unbothered. “It’s no problem. Ya can use my shower if ya need.”
“You already said that.”
“Right, yeah.” The smile slips, and Hoshiumi looks down, fidgeting. “Hey, do ya remember anything we talked about last night?”
“Other than angsting over our unrequited crushes on the idiot duo who are now happily in stupidity together?”
“Yeah… we were talkin’ about a little more ‘n just that, I’m afraid.”
Kei raises an eyebrow, curious. They switch their water glass for a mug of coffee; they’ve got a feeling that they might need caffeine for this particular conversation.
“Alright… then, what did we talk about?”
“We– it’s really stupid, so it’s okay if ya laugh or just wanna pretend we never even mentioned it,” Hoshiumi starts, giving a sheepish look up at Kei.
That doesn’t make Kei feel better about it.
“I was thinkin’ like, even if they don’t like us the way we like ‘em, we’re still pretty hot.”
“Okay…?”
“So, even if it was just a few moments of showin’ ‘em what we missed, if we were to be in a relationship with not them, they might feel a little bit like they were missin’ out?”
Kei’s brows draw together. “I don’t think I follow.”
“We’d just– just like, a few friend outings. ‘n on our private socials. Just like, pretend to date. For a little while. Even if all it does is throw ‘em off our scent while we commiserate ‘n mourn the fact that they’re probably gonna get married.”
Kei blinks. “Excuse me.”
“Just for a little while! Or a long while. I mean, this is an old crush we’re dealin’ with here, alright! And I love– I love Shouyou, Megane-kun.”
“You– oh.” Kei, to their credit, doesn’t choke on their coffee like they sort of thought that they would. But they don’t know what they’re supposed to say to that. Like– love.
“Yeah. And I dunno, I want him to be happy. I really do, ‘n I accepted a long time ago that didn’t mean me. But that doesn’t make it easy.”
It’s horrible, because Kei feels like they’re hearing their own emotions echoed back to them. That’s how they’ve been feeling about Kageyama. They love him, they want him to be happy, want to see him happy.
But it still hurts, knowing they’re not the one who’ll make him happy.
“But I don’t wanna come across like I’m not supportive, and I just thought…”
“Having someone to act disgustingly infatuated with would distract from the reality of our own miserable implied rejection,” Kei concludes, sighing.
“Yeah!!”
They nod and set down the mug of coffee. “I don’t know. Can I think about it? It’s kind of– well, it’s stupid.”
Hoshiumi gapes for a moment, then laughs loudly. “Jeez! Ya don’t gotta be so damn blunt like that! I know it’s a bad idea! But I don’t totally hate ya and I know that ya don’t hate me either.”
“You don’t know shit.”
“Yer still here, ain’t ya?”
It’s ridiculous. They can’t even argue with it, and that’s usually their main tell. That they’re still here. But the only person who calls them out on it is Yamaguchi, sometimes the idiots.
“Yeah.” They look down to hide a smile. “Yeah, I guess I am.”
“Ya can take some time to think about it, though.” Hoshiumi picks up a piece of toast. “I know it’s a lot, ‘n we got the start of the season ‘n everything. Take yer time, and we’ll see, yeah?”
Kei nods. “Yeah.”
When Kei gets back to their apartment, wearing the same clothes as the previous night, they do not want to open the door. They already know what view is awaiting them, and they’re not sure that their poor hangover can handle the judgmental, but not judgmental, look that Yamaguchi will give. Just disappointed. Worried. Frustrated that Kei ran out like that.
Or maybe Kei’s just projecting.
They haven’t checked their phone; they put their number into Hoshiumi’s and told him to text them, so they’ll save his number later. They don’t want to even think about the number of missed calls or texts.
But they have to open the door, so they do.
“I’m home,” they call, toeing off their shoes and hanging up their coat.
“Tsukki!”
Kei looks up to see a furious Yamaguchi standing before them.
“Hi.”
“Don’t you hi me!” he shouts. “I was so worried! Tsukishima Kei! You bolted out of the bar and then I didn’t see you for hours afterwards! You just disappeared! You just! Where were you! I was terrified!”
“I went home with Hoshiumi Kourai.”
That makes Yamaguchi stop, and he gapes at them. “You went home with Hoshiumi Kourai?”
“That’s what I just said, isn’t it?” Kei deadpans. “Yes. We went to his place. We drank a fuck load of kahlúa. We were so drunk that we passed out. He brought me water and toast this morning. He called me a cab.”
Yamaguchi nods, visibly relaxes. “Did you sleep together?”
“Yeah, we just slept, in his bed, but we slept.” Kei shrugs. “We talked. That’s really it.”
“Okay.”
“Hey.” Kei wrings their hands and looks at Yamaguchi sheepishly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you. It got so out of hand, so fast. I didn’t even realize that I– but I did. I just couldn’t be there anymore.”
Yamaguchi nods, his face sympathetic. “It was hard.”
“I love him,” and that’s the first time Kei’s ever said that out loud.
Yamaguchi reaches out to hug them tight and close. “Yeah. Yeah, I know, Tsukki.”
“Hoshiumi-san’s in love with Hinata.”
Yamaguchi pulls back just enough to gape at Kei. “Shit! I didn’t realize there was going to be tea! Come on! We can heat up some leftovers and you have to spill! Oh, is that what you talked about? Were you sharing each other’s agony over seeing your high school loves end up together? Aww, Tsukki~!”
“Shut up, Yamaguchi,” Kei groans. “And for your information, it’s much worse than that.”
That just makes Yamaguchi look happier, and he drags Kei along to sit in the living room.
“Okay! Spill! All of it!”
“We drunkenly talked about our stupid high school crushes panning out like this,” Kei says, slumping where they sit. “And then, he suggested the stupidest thing I have ever heard.”
Yamaguchi leans forward, beyond intrigued. It makes Kei want to flick him in the forehead.
“He suggested that we – he and I – pretend to date.” Kei’s nose wrinkles just thinking about it. “I mean, he thinks that it would either make them jealous, or at least distract them from us being jealous. And that’s just stupid.”
“Well…” Yamaguchi taps his chin thoughtfully. “You are kind of obvious with your feelings, Tsukki. Having a fake boyfriend just might distract from everything else going on!”
“Are you high?” Kei deadpans.
“I’m serious! Not only will it throw them off your trail, but it might help you too! And you never know! Maybe, Hoshiumi-san will turn out to be a good boyfriend–!”
“Are you high,” Kei repeats.
“I’m just saying, Tsukki! You should think about it!”
Kei doesn’t think about it.
It’s volleyball season, anyways. Nowhere near time to be getting themself overthinking about something stupid like fake dating a guy they’ve talked to twice. Even though they’ve exchanged numbers, they haven’t even texted.
Honestly, Kei has all but forgotten about it. And then, the inevitable happens.
It’s April of 2019 and the Volleyball League is on its off-season. There’s still practice, but no official games until October, so their friend circle has a bit of downtime. Since, you know, everyone and their childhood friend plays volleyball, apparently. And of course, university is over too. Really, the whole universe has just lined up for right now.
The idiot duo have moved in together, a nice apartment to share, and they invite everyone over for a housewarming party.
It feels like the night that they confessed all over again. Kei feels the agony in their chest, feels how stupid it is to be so affected, five months later. Five months spent not thinking about any of it. Not Hinata, not Kageyama, not Hoshiumi.
All Kei had to focus on was volleyball and finishing uni. And for what?
To be hiding in the corner of some stupid housewarming party, sipping a glass of water, trying to look at any- and everything but the hosts of said party. This is not how they wanted to spend their first month of freedom.
Hoshiumi is there, and he catches Kei’s eye, gives them an understanding look. Disgusting. They hate this. They hate him. They hate that just enough kahlúa was enough to make them confide in him.
Kei looks away. They’re not getting into this. Absolutely not. They won’t give Hoshiumi the satisfaction of being right.
Five months until matches start up again.
During that time, Kei goes to practice. They work in the museum. And then, they come home to where Yamaguchi is still working, and that’s the life that they’ve come to like.
The only problem is that Kageyama still wants to hang out every week. Kei sees him, but Hinata is always there, and it’s always different. Even if Hinata and Kei got along nicely, it’s just. It’s not the same as when it was just Kei and Kageyama.
Yamaguchi starts coming with Kei, and now it’s nowhere near the same, but at least it’s bearable. At least some of the awkward tension is lifted, because Yamaguchi just has that kind of presence in a room. Absently, Kei thinks that this is why he was the one picked to be captain. He always was the best at handling their group.
It's July, the next time that their friend group gets together. Hinata wants a beach outing, wants the pros to face off in beach volleyball. Kei agrees to go because it would be more suspicious if they don’t. People are starting to notice that they’re not a fan of being around Hinata and Kageyama, and that it’s different than high school.
But whatever.
Apparently, they’ve rented out a private beach. That makes sense, since no celebrity of any kind really wants their personal business displayed on the cover of a gossip magazine. Especially not when most of them aren’t even out.
Kei wears a tank top and shorts, because they don’t swim. They’re certainly not about to play volleyball when their own indoors practice is grueling enough as it is (at least, that’s what they tell themself, for now). They sit underneath an umbrella, feeling just a bit like a model because well, honestly. Kei flips through a novel that they’ve read before, so they’re not paying much attention.
“Oi, goldilocks.”
Their brow furrows on instinct. Of course he’s here.
“You know, normal people say hello, Hoshiumi-san,” they say with no inflection in their voice. “What do you want.”
“A rematch,” Hoshiumi replies easily. “Ya know, they’re about to start a game of beach volleyball. I got Sachirou on my team, and we’re about to face off against Bokkun, so I just thought maybe ya would like to be the blocker we go against.
“You’re going to play proper, two-on-two, beach volleyball?” Kei frowns over at the volleyball net, where Hirugami (the younger, who isn’t on a pro team) and Bokuto are standing in wait.
“You should go, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi calls from where he’s leaning over the cooler, pulling out a beer. Gross. “Beach volleyball might be fun!”
“Or I’ll suck at it,” Kei sighs, but they stand up anyways. “So, I’m with Bokuto-san, then?”
“Tsukki!” Bokuto shouts when he sees them approaching. Kei flinches, both at the volume and the nickname, but then Bokuto is wrapping them up in a strong hug and. Okay. That’s not terrible. Not that they’ll admit it. “You’re on my team! Let’s show these seagulls just what they’re up against!”
All of the V-League experience in the world has done nothing to prepare any of them for the sand. It’s annoying, and the wind is equally annoying, and Kei hates that Hoshiumi is mostly still good at it. Luckily, their play style has never required much movement, and they’re long enough to make do.
The hardest part it connecting with the ball, getting it to Bokuto. But they make it through the match pretty evenly, so Kei won’t complain.
“I can’t believe you really joined a V-League Two team!” Bokuto says to them when the match is done. “You’ve grown so much, Tsukki! I’m such a proud senpai!”
And then Bokuto is squeezing the life out of them again, and Kei thinks that it’s completely acceptable to die like this.
“Whatever; it’s your fault,” they mutter, and Bokuto (and Hoshiumi) give them a puzzled look. “You were always all… at training camp, and then you made me practice, and. Yeah.”
“You got hooked,” Bokuto says knowingly. “It’s because you stopped sucking so much.”
Kei rolls their eyes, but they don’t argue, because they know that they sucked. But they don’t anymore, and that’s what matters.
The day continues on, and Kei returns to their spot under the umbrella. It only takes an hour before Hoshiumi sits across from them.
“Ya know, I should be offended that ya never called,” he starts, voice light and teasing. “But I guess now’s as good a time as any to ask if ya ever thought about it.”
Kei sighs and sets their book down. “I thought about it a few times,” they admit, “but it never stopped being stupid. Plus, there’s no way we’d pull it off. Not believably.”
“Why not?” Hoshiumi presses. “I mean, it’s not like we’re super obvious about our real feelings. We’ve had multiple excuses to run into each other and get to know each other. So, why do you think we can’t do this?”
“Because it’s not a real thing people do,” they say. “I mean, have you ever heard of anyone doing that?”
Hoshiumi shakes his head. “Isn’t that the part that makes it believable? The fact that no one would expect it?”
Kei rolls their eyes. “Look, Hoshiumi-san, I’m not going to just magically become some affectionate partner. No one is going to look at me looking at you and think, yeah, Kei’s dating him. Not for any reason.”
Hoshiumi hums and moves closer on the towel. “So, you’re afraid that you can’t put on a believable show?”
“I’ve only ever held hands with Yamaguchi. No, I don’t think I would put on a believable show.”
Hoshiumi moves closer again. “Do ya trust me, Tsukishima?”
“No,” Kei replies instantly.
Hoshiumi doesn’t even look fazed; he just smiles as if he was expecting that answer. “Do ya think ya could learn to?”
Kei raises an eyebrow, considering. The truth is probably yes, and they don’t even know why. Possibly because Hoshiumi already knows an embarrassing amount about them, and he hasn’t aired their secrets out to the entire V-League, so maybe, just maybe, he has some trustworthy qualities.
In the end, they shrug. “Maybe.”
“Then, let’s do this together. If ya trust me, then I can lead the way. Ya don’t have to worry. Just don’t shove me off of ya suddenly or pull a face when I get close.”
Close. Something Hoshiumi is already getting, and Kei doesn’t know how they feel about that. It’s not exactly new. There had been a lot of being close the last time that Kei and Hoshiumi truly spent time together. So, maybe it’ll be fine. They just have to…trust him?
They don’t like it. Not one bit. But they see Kageyama and Hinata kissing with the sunset painting the sky over the ocean and–
“Okay.”
Hoshiumi smiles. “Then, I’m gonna do something. And you can totally punch me later, when everyone’s going home.”
Kei grimaces, just a bit, but they nod. As it is, they’re pretty sure that they know what’s coming.
Hoshiumi leans closer, and for a moment, Kei is stunned by his eyes. They’re gold, but green, but…not? They’re some color that Kei has never really seen before, much less tried to process, and then they’re closing, closed…
Close.
They feel Hoshiumi’s breath against their lips, and it takes all of Kei’s willpower not to tense up or run. This is the real reason they’ve been in the same stagnant romantic feeling for years. If they ever did anything about their feelings, they would have to face this awful fight/flight/freeze sensation threatening to take over their whole body.
And then, Hoshiumi’s hand cups their cheek. His nose bumps theirs, and his head tilts, and. Okay, he definitely knows what he’s doing, and Kei definitely doesn’t. But they finally realize, Huh, I should close my eyes now, and just as they come to that conclusion, Hoshiumi’s lips are on theirs.
Kei will never tell you if you asked them, but they melt at the touch immediately. They are nothing but clay in Hoshiumi’s gentle hand, moving their head to a better angle as he presses soft, fleeting kisses to their lips. It takes a few before they figure out this whole kissing back business, but they do, and wow.
Hoshiumi pulls back, and Kei absolutely does not follow after his lips. Absolutely does not mourn the loss of his touch. Their eyes flutter back open, lips still parted a bit. Okay. So, that just happened.
“Yer gonna have to get used to callin’ me Kourai, now, goldilocks,” Hoshiumi says, laughing lightly. “If we’re really gonna try ‘n pull this thing off.”
“You should use my name, then,” Kei replies evenly.
“I don’t think I will,” Hoshiumi hums, leaning back on his heels. “Really, goldilocks just sounds like a cute pet name, don’tcha think?”
“No, I don’t,” Kei says. Any traces of whatever they felt through the kiss disappears into annoyance once again. “Or are you too nervous to use my name, Kourai?”
The challenge works, and Kei sees it fire up in Hoshiumi’s eyes.
“Alright, Kei. I guess I can use yer name sometimes, Kei.”
Kei clicks their tongue and kicks him. “Get off my towel. I’m still reading, you know.”
“Can’t believe ya’d be so mean to yer fake boyfriend, Kei. Can’tcha see I’m tryin’ to bond with ya? Show ya my undying affection?”
“Gross,” Kei says, but they’re laughing too. They try to kick him away again, but Hoshiumi just catches their ankle and lays himself between their legs, looking up at them.
“Aww, what’s the matter, honey? Embarrassed to be seen bein’ affectionate with me, the love of yer life?”
“You suck. I’m fake breaking up with you.”
Hoshiumi just laughs and leans against Kei’s chest, pushing them down to lay on the towel. “Yeah, but Tobio ‘n Shouyou finally saw us. Can’t give up so soon, eh?”
Kei looks over Hoshiumi’s shoulder to where the idiot duo are, hand-in-hand, talking quietly as Hinata gestures way too obviously in Kei and Hoshiumi’s direction.
Huh.
Kei sighs and lays their head back. “Fine. I guess a couple more hours of this won’t hurt.”
“So, we have a deal?”
“We have a deal.”