Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“I can’t wait to have my own bed again,” Rin groaned as he got under the covers in his and Haru’s shared bed at the hotel in Sydney. Haru just huffed and closed his eyes, trying to fall asleep with his body turned so that his back was facing Rin, just like the previous night. It was awkward enough to be sharing a bed with Rin; facing him was more than Haru could handle. Plus, if Rin decided to drop more confessions tonight as well, it was best that he couldn’t see Haru’s face.

The previous night when Rin told Haru about how much he admired and looked up to him as a swimmer and rival was one of the things that spurred Haru to coming to his decision to pursue a career of professional swimming earlier today. Rin said that he needed Haru in order to keep trying hard to get better and faster, but Haru wasn’t going pro for Rin. Rin saw something in Haru that Haru had not been able to see himself, and Rin’s confession helped clear away any doubt about Haru’s relationship with swimming. He never thought he cared about his swimming times or winning his races. What mattered was that he was able to swim and able to swim with his friends. But, at the back of Haru’s mind was always the doubt that maybe he did care about winning races, that the energy he felt when racing against other swimmers, especially Rin, was just a part of competition. Haru now knew that he wanted to be the best.

Haru had always loved swimming, or just being in water in general. His mother always said that when he was very young he always enjoyed taking baths, and as a toddler when they visited the beach his parents had to make sure to keep a close eye on him or else he’d run right into the ocean. His relationship with water only deepened when he joined the Iwatobi Swim Club. At that time, water was an escape, and swimming relaxed him and took him to another world away from the one that exhausted him outside of water. It wasn’t until Rin joined in 6th grade that Haru first experienced annoyance at having to share his watery world with someone else. It irked Haru, the way Rin’s presence seemed to fill the pool with electricity, the way he dived and glided through it as if it were his own to conquer. Haru didn’t like the idea of someone being better in the water than him, that someone else could feel the water the same way Haru did, if not more, as if Rin’s relationship with water was greater than his. Of course, those were the somewhat silly thoughts of a 12-year old boy, and Haru knew that Rin didn’t feel the water the way Haru does (according to Rin, he’s not a “freak” like Haru).

Even if Haru did realize that no one was trying to surpass his relationship with water by swimming better that Haru, Haru secretly hated the idea of someone being better with water than him. After all, Haru was the water obsessed one; it only made sense that he be the best in it. But Haru couldn’t always rely on his natural talent. If he wanted to be the best, he had to work hard at it. And that’s where Rin came in. Haru would deny it out loud to anyone who asked, but it was because of Rin that he started running to and from swim club every day after school, and Rin’s reappearance last summer had the same effect on him. He never did it to swim for Rin and give him the proper challenge he so desired. Haru actually never understood exactly why he worked so hard, only knowing that maybe by giving Rin what he wanted, a truly earned win against Haru, that he would be able to move on from that dreadful day that winter in middle school.

So now here Haru was, in Australia, with a dream to be the best swimmer in the world. And he wanted it, to be the best. He had always wanted to be the best. It seems that maybe everyone’s compliments on his swimming did swell his ego and reassured him that he was the best. Now he was going to show the world that he was. Makoto had always said, “You really are the best in the water, Haru-chan!”

Makoto. The thought of his friend made him curl in on himself even more. Haru’s dream dilemma was resolved, but he had run away from Iwatobi without clearing up things with Makoto, and Haru was terrified of what he would go back upon his return to Japan. He had said some terrible things to Makoto in his anger and desolation, and he wasn’t sure if he was even worthy of forgiveness from his ever kind best friend. After all, Makoto was so worried about telling Haru about his decision to go to Tokyo because he was afraid of Haru would react, and Haru’s reaction was probably Makoto’s worst fear come true. Haru was a terrible friend. He should be happy about Makoto going to Tokyo and pursuing his dream, whatever it was. Haru had never asked. What hurt Haru the most was Makoto deciding this without telling Haru, although now that Haru looked back on it he realized that Makoto did try to talk to him, Haru just wouldn’t let him. But the real kicker was that Makoto was splitting them up. He wanted them to split up. He thought it would be okay if they parted ways, and Haru could only blame himself for never letting Makoto know just how much he needed him and wanted them to continue their lives the way they had always been, the way they were comfortable with.

Maybe it was time to let go, for them to grow up and learn to live by themselves without each other. The idea made Haru’s heart ache. It was more guilt than anything. He knew he and Makoto would always be friends. You don’t spend your whole life with someone only to forget that person. But there would be a distance. No more walks to and back from school, no more Sunday study sessions, and no more sleepovers every weekend filled with video games and loud twins would create a void that would probably never be filled, and the loss in this friendship is something Haru wished he could live without. Maybe if Haru had tried harder to be as a great a friend to Makoto as Makoto was to Haru, Makoto would have chosen differently, but in Tokyo Makoto would meet so many new people, maybe someone who was worthy of the friendship Makoto could offer. Makoto deserved someone who would be the best friend that Haru always should have been. It was too late to fix things now, so Haru could only wish his friend all the best with his soon to be new life in Tokyo, even if it made his heart feel like it was shriveled up.

“Haru? Are you awake?” Rin asked, interrupting Haru’s somber thoughts.

“…Yeah,” Haru quietly replied after a short while of debating whether or not he should feign sleep. Rin exhaled loudly, as if he has been holding his breath.

“I want to tell you something.” Not again, Haru thought.

“I know last night I told you about what you are to me,” Rin began. “But that’s when it comes to swimming. There’s more I want to say.”

Haru said nothing.

“I always thought you were amazing from the first time I saw you swim. I thought you were so cool,” Rin continued, and Haru could almost hear the blush in his voice. “Of course, when I transferred to Iwatobi I realized how much of a dick you were. But I still thought you were pretty cool, and I wanted to impress you so badly.”

Haru suddenly started feeling a little suspicious.

“It wasn’t until a while after I left Iwatobi that I realized what I was probably feeling at that time,” Rin laughed weakly, then getting a bit quieter. “I think I liked you more than I should have. But I didn’t think much of it, that is until I returned to Japan. I wasn’t particularly happy to see you again, and you still pissed me off, but you hadn’t changed. You were still the same Haru. The same, amazing Haru.”

Haru was now very stiff with eyes opened wide.

“For most of last summer we weren't on great terms, and I regret that. I don’t think I ever apologized for the way I acted towards you. I’m sorry.”

Haru didn’t know what to say. It was obvious that he had forgiven Rin. He didn’t think he’d be in Australia with him if he hadn't forgiven him.

“Being friends with you guys again makes me really happy,” Rin said after a while of silence from Haru. “But mostly, I think, I’m happy to be friends with you. We’re closer now than we ever were as kids, and it’s made me realize something. Haru, could you turn around?”

Haru just shook his head, hoping that Rin would pick up on the fact that facing him was the absolute last thing Haru would want to do right now.

“Fine. Whatever,” Rin sighed. “Anyway, I just want you to know that I like you, as more than a friend. I’ve always liked you. I think you’re amazing, Haru.”

Never in Haru’s life did he expect this to happen. If someone had told him one of his closest friends and rival would confess romantic feelings for him while they sharing a bed in Australia, Haru would have scoffed in their face and pegged that person as a lunatic. Maybe Haru had finally fallen asleep and was having a twisted dream that reeked of awkwardness. After pinching his arm under the covers, Haru came to the horrifying realization that this was actually happening, and Rin was probably expecting him to respond. Gathering up every ounce of courage he had, Haru slowly turned to face Rin.

It’s not that Haru didn’t like Rin, because he did, just not in the way Rin probably wanted him to. For Haru to say he didn’t know why Rin liked him would be a lie. He was very aware of how Rin brought out feelings in Haru that no one else could. He knew Rin felt the same electricity he did when they swam, but out of the water that intensity was more annoying than anything else. Rin could make Haru feel competitive, but also make him feel anger and frustration with his pushiness, like he had at Regionals, and sometimes Haru even felt jealousy over Rin’s skills. And other than swimming, he and Rin didn’t have much in common. Haru couldn’t think about what they even talk about that’s not swimming when it’s just the two of them. Haru and Rin were rivals, not lovers, and Haru wasn’t interested in being with Rin. Haru hoped he could convey these feelings to Rin without ruining their friendship. Once was enough.

Rin was lying on his side, facing Haru. Blue and red met, and Haru tried to convey what he was feeling with his eyes. But Rin wasn’t Makoto, and Haru would have to use words to answer.

“Rin… I…I don’t, um,” Haru stuttered and cast his eyes down, not knowing what to say. Unsurprisingly, Haru didn’t get many confessions, most girls having stopped trying to talk to the expressionless boy after the first few months of high school. He wasn’t good with words, which is why Makoto had to speak for him sometimes. But Makoto wasn’t here, so Haru decided to go with the simplest route.

“I don’t…feel…the same,” Haru started again, with eyes still not looking at Rin. “You’re just a friend to me.”

“I’m sorry,” Haru finished looking back at Rin. Rin closed his eyes and let out the breath he had no doubt been holding with a small smile on his mouth.

“Well, guess it can’t be helped,” Rin said, shifting so that he was lying on his back with his arms behind his head, eyes closed like he was preparing to fall asleep. Haru was thoroughly confused. He’d expected Rin to be a little more depressed. Rin, acknowledging Haru’s confusion while rolling his eyes, continued, “Oh, come on, Haru! I said I liked you, not that I’m desperately in love with you.”

Haru was still very confused. He’d expected things to get immensely more awkward, maybe some tears from Rin, ones that Haru was in no way equipped to deal with. He thought maybe he’d have to find another place to sleep if Rin decided to kick him out the room. As much of a relief the current situation was, Haru couldn’t shake his uneasiness.

“Um…Rin?” Haru asked quietly.

“Hmmm?” was Rin’s reply.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why’d you confess?”

“’Cause I thought you should know.”

“…Why?”

“Because you’re an unobservant dope who’s only proving even more that he’s not worthy of my affection,” Rin said with an exasperated sigh. “Do you want me to be all depressed and mopey, the way you were when we first got here? I didn’t realize your ego was that big.”

“No. It’s just…” Haru responded. “Random.”

“Not as random as you think.”

“…What?”

“Jeez, Haru, do I really have to spell everything out for you?”

“…”

“You’re hopeless.”

Haru huffed. “Fine, don’t tell me. I’m going to sleep. Goodnight.”

“I couldn’t move forward without telling you,” Rin said after a minute of silence. “Sousuke, he and I, we…we like each other. He confessed to me not too long ago, and I return his feelings, but I felt guilty about being with him because I still had feelings for you. Now that things between us are cleared up, I can be Sousuke without having to worry about ‘what if’.”

Haru took a moment to absorb this information. So that’s why Yamazaki acts the way he does, Haru thought, thinking back to almost every interaction he’s had with Sousuke.

“So…you’re not upset?” Haru asked.

“No, genius, I’m perfectly fine,” Rin answered sarcastically. “A little disappointed, but I’ll live. You don’t always ruin my life.”

Haru was relieved to hear that. Even if he didn’t like Rin romantically, he was still a close friend, and Haru couldn’t bear hurting him deeply again.

“Anyway, I kinda knew I never had a chance,” Rin said wistfully.

“…Why?” Haru asked, again confused. Why did Rin have to say such weird stuff?

“Because of Makoto. I could never get between that.”

“…”

Makoto?! Haru was again frozen stiff, blue eyes opened wide, wondering why Rin would say something like that. Rin noticed.

“No way. No fricking way. Nanase Haruka, you are shitting me.”

“There’s not…Makoto and I…We aren’t…What?” Haru blurted out.

“Haru! Oh my god! Are you serious?!” Rin was now sitting up, an incredulous look on his face. “You don’t know?!”

“…?” This just might be the most confusing night of Haru’s life.

“Haru. It’s one thing for you to not notice the way I felt about you. It’s downright shameful that you don’t even realize what’s right in front of you 24/7!”

“…Makoto...and me…”

“Haru,” Rin’s voice softened a little. “You really can’t tell? Because literally everyone else can.”

“…”

“Makoto’s in love with you. Do you not see the way he looks at you?”

It was like the past 18 years of Haru’s life and time spent with Makoto suddenly flashed through Haru’s mind, but every moment shared between them, every glance and gaze, everything they ever did was seen through a different lens. Haru was really seeing everything for the first time, finally realizing and understanding what the tender looks and lingering touches meant, why they happened in the first place. Haru had always thought that Makoto treated him the way any friend would treat their best friend, of course intensified by Makoto’s kind and giving nature. But now he could see that he and Makoto were not like normal best friends. They never really were. Always together, never allowing anyone else into their private, impenetrable world of Makoto and Haruka. The two were more like two halves of one whole, neither being without the other, always on the same page and accepting of each other, that is until recent events. Haru’s despair over his fight with Makoto finally put all the pieces in place.

“I…love…Makoto,” Haru said slowly as the realization dawned on him. His face must have been a sight to behold, because Rin started laughing.

“Oh, Haru. You’re such an idiot,” Rin chuckled.

Haru felt like he’d just swum across an ocean. His thoughts were muddled and his limbs felt heavy, his discovery taking over his entire being. The only thing that he could think about was Makoto. Makoto, Makoto, Makoto… Makoto’s face. Makoto’s eyes. His smile. They way his voice sounds. The way he says Haru’s name. Haru was suddenly very homesick. I want to see Makoto.

“You’re welcome,” Rin said, smug smile on his face.

Haru glared at him, but then softly said, “Thank you.”

“You know, I always thought that maybe you were too 'different' to feel something like love,” Rin said thoughtfully. “But, if there was anybody you could love, it would be Makoto.”

To this Haru smiled. It was true. No one else could even come close to being as close to Haru as Makoto is. No one would ever understand Haru the way Makoto does. And Haru was pretty sure that no one could ever love him as much as Makoto does.

Rin yawned, and Haru followed suit.

“We should go to sleep. We’ve got a plane to catch tomorrow,” Rin said through another yawn.

“Yeah…” Haru trailed off, closing his eyes.

Sleep sounded like the best idea. The sooner he fell asleep, the sooner they would get on the plane back to Japan. The sooner they got back to Japan, the sooner Haru could get to Makoto. And there was nothing Haru wanted more in the world than to see Makoto.

Chapter Text

“What do you mean you still haven’t told him?! Haru! It’s been weeks!” Rin yelled at Haru over the phone. Haru had half a mind to end the call.

“It’s only been two weeks…” Haru replied hoping Rin could hear the annoyance in his voice.

Haru and Rin had returned to Japan only to go straight to Nationals, and Haru didn’t think Nationals was the place to tell Makoto about his recent revelation. They had a relay to focus on, so Haru only told his teammates about his decision to go pro, and then he and Makoto had a much needed conversation, one filled with apologies and dreams for the future. Sharing a hotel room had given them plenty of time alone with each other, but Haru never brought it up.

The morning they left Australia, Haru had woken up excited to get back home and see Makoto. It wasn’t until he and Rin were on the plane that Haru realized telling Makoto his feelings might not be that easy. He was anxious for most of the plane ride back to Japan, fearing that he would come back to a team that had been broken up by him actions from the last time they were together. Afraid that Makoto wouldn’t be interested in talking to Haru, that any feelings he had had for Haru would be gone.

Rin could tell Haru was on edge and asked him what was wrong on the plane, and Haru voiced his concerns. Rin was understanding, reiterated his opinion that Haru was a jerk who didn’t know how to properly interact with people, and assured him that his friends would forgive him, especially Makoto. He also took this moment to tell Haru that even though he was 99.9% sure that Makoto was in love with him, Rin had actually never heard Makoto say that was the case.

So then Haru also had to worry about misinterpreting Makoto’s actions and embarrassing both himself and Makoto with an unfounded confession, thus ruining the most important relationship in his life.

What if Makoto doesn’t actually like me? What if he just thinks he’s being a good friend? What if he’s disgusted to find out I love him? were thoughts constantly running through Haru’s head.

Two weeks after Nationals, Haru is still wary of telling Makoto his feelings. They’d gone back to being the best friends they always were, but something was undeniably different between them. Haru didn’t know if it was just because of his realized feelings, or if his and Makoto’s relationship had actually transformed after their little hardship. All Haru knew was that he was happy to be on good terms with Makoto again.

Just being near the other boy made Haru feel warm all over, and every time their eyes met and Makoto would give Haru one of his infamous gentle, sweet smiles, Haru returned a small, soft smile of his own. He could tell that Makoto was happy to experience this changed Haru and that he was happy Haru was no longer in a depression over the future. But there was still a slight sadness at the prospect of them going their separate ways.

Haru still hadn’t made a final decision as to where he wanted to go for school, and he made a point to seriously consider all of his offers from universities in Tokyo. He wasn’t planning on following Makoto, but rather he wanted to work on his own dream in the big city. Being in Sydney opened Haru’s small world tenfold, and Haru figured it can only be better for him to keep expanding his world by moving to one of the biggest cities in the world while still enjoying the comfort of Japan. The fact that that’s where Makoto would also be was an added bonus.

“Well, two weeks can turn into two months if you keep putting it off,” Rin stated. “Makoto can’t wait forever.”

“What if...” Haru started and then trailed off.

“What if what?” Rin asked, only to be met with more silence from Haru’s end. “Haru, what’s wrong?”

Haru took a deep breath and quietly said, “What if Makoto doesn’t feel the same way?”

“I’m pretty sure he does, just saying,” Rin answered.

“But you said-”

“I know, but I just meant that he’s never said anything to me. I mean, being in love with your male best friend when you’re also a guy isn’t something you just blab to people, even if they are close to you. Society doesn’t work that way,” Rin sighed. “Plus, you know Makoto. That guy would rather keep quiet and his feelings to himself than burden others with his problems.”

Haru mused over this. It was strange, how Rin suddenly became his love guru in the past two weeks. After Nationals, Rin texted Haru, curious to know how things went over with Makoto, and after finding out things haven’t been moving forward, he took it upon himself to help Haru get to the point where he could confess. Haru would have never thought that Rin could be helpful and have advice to offer in a matter like this, but he was grateful. If Haru had to figure this all out by himself, he would have probably pulled all his hair out by now, or drowned in the tub trying to run away from his insecurities. Because even after realizing his feelings, Haru still couldn’t believe it was true. He couldn’t believe how stupid he’d been to not notice before. And he couldn’t convince himself that Makoto would want someone who was as unobservant, oblivious, and seemingly emotionless as Haru.

Of course, Haru had his redeemable qualities he supposed. But they were nothing compared to the sheer perfection that was Makoto Tachibana. Makoto deserved someone who would pay attention to him, someone who wouldn’t run away from him, someone who is warm and sunny like him. Basically, someone better than Haru.

Makoto deserved better than him, and that thought alone scared Haru to his core. He didn’t think Makoto would want him, and on the chance that he did, Haru didn’t want Makoto to be stuck with someone like him.

“Haru? You still there?”

“I can’t do it.”

“What do you mean you can’t do it?! You can’t not do it!”

“I can’t.”

“God, Haru, all you have to do is tell him you like him and that’s literally it. Sweet and simple, the way I know you’re capable of.” Haru heard murmuring in the background. “Oh yeah, and a kiss that’ll knock his socks off. If words can’t get your message across, then actions definitely will.”

“Hmph,” Haru wasn’t very happy that Sosuke knew about his predicament, and he also wasn’t thrilled about getting advice from the other boy. How someone as rude as Yamazaki could have a successful relationship with anyone was beyond him, but apparently things were going well for him and Rin. When Rin wasn’t chastising Haru for his lack of action, he had ridiculously happy tone to his voice that made him sound like one of the girls at school who just got a boyfriend. But he’d never tell Rin that. Not yet, anyway. After Rin helped him with his own love life, Haru would make sure to mention it.

But they had a point. Haru was not good with words. Even if it was only three words he had to say to Makoto, Haru wasn’t sure he’d be able to get them out. It was very possible that he would have to rely on actions, but Haru felt kissing was a bit too much for him to handle. He’d never kissed before, and had no clue how to go about it. Actually, that was a little bit of a lie. When he and Makoto were really young, Haru vaguely remembered a giggly Makoto giving him a small kiss on the lips, saying that it was something you did to someone you really loved. Haru had thought nothing of it then, and throughout the years just thought of it as an innocent, childish thing to do, but now thinking about it made Haru’s cheeks heat up. If only now it could be that easy. Also, a kiss between children is very different than the way a kiss between two college-bound teenagers is supposed to be.

“You are literally the worst person to talk on the phone to, you know that? I keep thinking you hung up with all of your long silences.”

“I’m thinking.”

“About what?”

“…I can’t do it.”

“You said that already,” Rin scoffed.

“I don’t want to ruin what we already have!” Haru snapped. “We can’t go back once it’s out there. It won’t be the same.”

“Ugh. And this is your problem. You and Makoto are so scared of saying things to each other that you don’t say anything at all! Didn’t that already cause enough problems for you guys?”

“…This is different.”

“Ok, so maybe it is. But Haru, you guys can’t live like this forever. Eventually one of you will break, but it’s going to drive you crazy before then. You shouldn’t keep things like this in.”

Haru considered not saying anything at all, that maybe he should let nature take its course. Everything was always so natural between him and Makoto. Feelings were mutual and understood easily, but recent events proved that not even they were immune from the consequences of poor communication. Haru wanted to rely on Makoto to make the first move, but if he’s waited this long to do it, Haru was pretty sure Makoto would never do it. Haru initially thought he could wait until Makoto gave in, but after acknowledging his feelings, the desire to be with Makoto grew stronger and stronger each day. And if Makoto didn’t feel the same way, Haru could go his whole life without ever telling Makoto how he felt. He was sure that if that happened, he would probably combust from all of the feelings inside of him.

“If you want,” Rin sighed. “I can talk to Makoto for you.”

What.

“Really?” Haru asked, sounding as hopeful as was possible for him.

“I’m not going to tell him outright ‘Haru wants to do you,’” Rin clarified. “I’m just going to drop some hints. I promised I wouldn’t meddle too much.”

“…Promised who?” Haru heard Rin make an unintelligible noise.

“Uh, doesn’t matter,” Rin recovered. “Anyway, do you want me to or not?”

“Yes…” Haru replied, still a little suspicious. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” Rin grumbled. “The only person who can come close to being as dense as you is Makoto. I’m not making any promises.”

Haru was a little offended, for both Makoto and himself, but still grateful. Maybe this would spur Makoto to make a move, since obviously Haru couldn’t be trusted to do it.

“Rin.”

“Hmm?”

“Thanks again.”

“You’re welcome, geez,” Rin sounded embarrassed. “I’m only doing it because I can’t stand to watch this go on any longer.”

“Right.”

“OK, I’m hanging up now. Gotta make lunch plans with your boyfriend for tomorrow. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye.” Haru heard the click signaling the end of the call and leaned his head against the wall his bed was pushed up against.

It was Friday night, and while Haru would usually be over at Makoto’s house at this time of the week, probably also sleeping over, he wasn’t today because some of Makoto’s relatives were visiting tonight. But tomorrow Makoto would most likely be free. Haru wondered if he was going to see Makoto tomorrow, and depending on how his conversation with Rin goes, he most likely will be.

Rin helping out made Haru feel a little more at ease, but he still couldn’t shake the lingering doubt. Haru got off his bed and headed to the bath. If anything was going to significantly calm him down, it’d be a nice, long soak in the tub.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rin ended the call with Haru and looked up at Sousuke, who was lying on the bottom bunk.

“Gou’s going to be so mad at you,” Sousuke said, grinning.

“Shut up. I’m not meddling,” Rin said while getting up from where he was sitting on the floor and stretching. “I’m just going to have a little talk with Makoto.”

“About what?” Sousuke questioned, reaching for Rin.

Rin crawled onto the bed and on top of Sousuke before answering, “I’m just going to talk about things.”

“What kind of things?”

“Like, things about Haru and stuff,” Rin clarified. “You know, to encourage him to confess.”

“I thought Gou said they needed to do this for themselves.”

“Yeah, well, they’re idiots who are incapable of doing it themselves. I’m being nice by helping them out.”

“You’re such a good friend, Rin.” Sousuke said, passing a hand across Rin’s cheek and through his hair.

“I’m the best. They are so lucky to have me as a friend.”

“Mmmm. You know who else is so lucky?” Sousuke continued, still grinning at Rin.

“Stop smiling like that. You look like an idiot,” Rin said as he leaned his face in closer to Sousuke’s. He pressed his lips to Sousuke’s in a tender kiss, and Sousuke’s hand held the back of Rin’s head as they continued the kiss a few moments longer before Rin started to pull away.

“Riiinn-” Sousuke groaned in protest before Rin silenced him with another quick kiss.

“Just one minute. I have to text Makoto,” Rin said, grabbing for his phone again.

“Talk to him tomorrow,” Sousuke said with a pout.

“Hush, you big baby. Just let me do this, and then I’ll be all yours,” Rin said, giving Sousuke a wink before going back to composing his message to Makoto.

Chapter Text

Makoto was surprised to hear from Rin. Rin sent him a text the previous evening asking if he was busy tomorrow, then proceeded to ask if Makoto wanted to hang out or something. Makoto agreed, since didn’t have anything planned for Saturday, aside from probably going to Haru’s house to get some studying done. The twins were relentless on the weekends, especially now that Makoto no longer had swim club activities to attend to, and they wanted to monopolize Makoto’s time for their own, feeling like they were owed time that had been taken away by afternoon and weekend swim practices. It’d be nice to have a little break, even if it was just a lunch with Rin.

Makoto was on his way to the café he’d recommended the night before. He and Haru had been before, and it was a nice little place, perfect for a leisurely afternoon with a good friend. Makoto and Rin hadn’t really talked with just the two of them since before Nationals. He’d asked Haru about how their trip to Australia was, but Haru told him about it in typical Haru fashion, meaning Makoto didn’t get a lot about what went on down under. Seeing Rin was his chance to catch up and get the whole story of Haru’s great revelation.

It was something Makoto kind of regretted missing out on, but he also knew that maybe it wouldn’t have been possible with anyone else besides Rin. Haru found something in Australia, and even though Haru didn’t make a big deal out of it, it was a big deal. He and Haru even fought over Haru finding a dream. Makoto repressed the shiver that came with the memory of that horrible night. They’d fixed things between them since then, not that there was much to fix. Yeah, Haru had said some hurtful things, but he wasn’t in a good place at that time, and Makoto never resented Haru for lashing out. But it was still one of the worst nights of Makoto’s life.

After Haru ran off after discovering Makoto was going to Tokyo, Makoto thought about going after him, but figured it might be best to let Haru have some time alone. He went and found Rei and Nagisa, and dishearteningly told them what happened and that Haru had gone home, and that they should too. It was a school night after all. Makoto went home, much earlier than expected, and the twins wanted to play a game before bed, but Makoto felt too bad about what happened. He tried not to let it show, but all he wanted to do was go to bed and forget that that night had even happened. Makoto thinks his mom noticed, and she got the twins off his back while shooting worried glances at him. Makoto just went to his room and lied down on his bed, replaying what happened over and over in his mind. He felt bad for hurting Haru. The look of betrayal Haru had given him broke his heart, and he wished more than anything that Haru had not misunderstood. Makoto didn’t want Haru to continue swimming if he didn’t want to, he just wanted Haru to find something that he wanted to do so he could be happy. But Haru didn’t understand, and then he said the other thing, about Makoto being a busy body.

Makoto didn’t mean to care so much. He just did. He’s always cared too much, especially where Haru was concerned. Makoto also knew that Haru thought of him as a busy body, always getting into people’s business and worrying about them when he shouldn’t, and even if he knew Haru thought it was a bit annoying, he never thought that Haru would spit it at him the way he did, as if Makoto was a huge annoyance and a burden. Maybe Makoto did care too much. Maybe he should stop. Even if it hurt him to. To not care about Haru was to go against his whole being, but at that moment Makoto wished he could. Perhaps if he didn’t care so much, this wouldn’t hurt so much.

An era was ending. The days of Haru and Makoto were almost at an end. Walking home from school together, afternoons spent studying in each other’s company, sleepovers on the weekends; these were all things that wouldn’t happen anymore, and it scared Makoto to no end. But he knew it was time to move on. They couldn’t stay the same way forever. It was selfish to want things not to change. Change is supposed to be good. Makoto wished it just didn’t hurt so much.

There was one thing Makoto was happy about, something that made him sick for being happy about. Up until their argument, Makoto was convinced that Haru was ready to leave him behind. Haru was moving on towards a place Makoto couldn’t follow, so when he decided to try for a university in Tokyo, he didn’t think Haru would be that upset about him leaving. But Haru’s reaction to Makoto’s decision was so different than he expected. Part of him wanted Haru to be a little sad, to show that he would miss Makoto, that it would be a little hard for him to say goodbye to his childhood friend, but mostly Makoto just wanted Haru to be happy for him, proud that Makoto was doing something on his own. He didn’t want Haru to be hurt. He didn’t want Haru to feel betrayed. Most of all he didn’t want Haru to feel like he was being left alone. After a whole life of people leaving Haru, Makoto made a promise to himself to never let Haru feel alone. Makoto leaving for Tokyo was breaking that promise, and it broke his heart.

When Makoto woke the next morning, his whole body ached, and he had a slight headache. He also had a text from Rin, saying that he and Haru were on their way to Australia and for Makoto not to worry; Rin would handle Haru. Makoto went to school, but all he could think about was Haru. Haru possibly hating Makoto. Haru on a different continent. Haru with Rin. Haru with Rin alone. The jealously spiked in his already aching heart, and as much as he wanted to hate that Haru was with Rin in Australia, he hoped it would be a good experience for Haru. Because he wanted Haru to be happy. Because he cared about Haru too much, much more than a friend should.

The train lurched to a stop, and Makoto got off, heading to the direction of the café. He needed to get his act together before he saw Rin. Makoto didn’t have anything against Rin personally, but his recent recollection awakened the jealousy that Makoto had towards Rin and his relationship with Haru, and Makoto really didn’t want Rin to think Makoto didn’t like him when it was so far from the truth. Makoto got along really well with Rin and he liked being friends with him. It was only when Haru got involved did Makoto sometimes slightly regret befriending their sharp-toothed friend back in 6^th grade. But he would overcome it, like he always did, and he greeted Rin with his usual cheerful smile when he saw him standing outside the café.

“Rin! Sorry I’m a little late! You weren’t waiting long, were you?”

“Nah, I literally just got here five minutes ago,” Rin said, also smiling in greeting. It was nice having Rin back as a friend.

They went in and sat down, getting into how things were going and what they were up to now that the swimming season was over while they looked over their menus. They gave their orders and Makoto inquired about the black cat he had found, to which Rin rolled his eyes and said that the cat was a diva who still didn’t completely trust him, much to his annoyance. Makoto just laughed and told Rin he needed to smile and be patient, which only made Rin deepen his scowl. It wasn’t until after the waitress brought them their food that Rin addressed the real reason he’d invited Makoto out.

“So, uh, did Haru ever tell you about what happened in Australia?” Rin started.

“Well, he mentioned that you guys went to the beach,” Makoto supplied.

“Yeah, can you believe that guy? A whole ocean right in front of him and he didn’t even go within 10 feet of it. I mean, it was a bit chilly, but I know a bit of cold water’s never stopped him before.”

“What?” Makoto asked, thoroughly surprised. “He didn’t mention that…”

“He didn’t even bring his swimsuit to Australia. I think your fight really did a number on him,” Rin said thoughtfully.

“He told you we fought?”

“No, I guessed.”

“How?”

“Well, you texted me about Haru’s predicament. I just figured you finally talked to him about it.”

“He wasn’t too happy about it,” Makoto said, then a little quieter, “especially about me going to Tokyo.”

“But he’s better about it now, right?”

“Yeah! I think he’s really happy for me.”

Rin nodded. “Yeah. I told him how badly you wanted to tell him about Tokyo. You should’ve seen his face. I think he was really sorry that you felt you couldn’t tell him.”

Makoto remembered how Rin was the first of his friends that he told about Tokyo. Rin was the one who originally asked about what Makoto wanted to do after graduation, and Makoto thought that Rin would be one of the most excited and encouraging to hear about Makoto’s plans. And he was right. Rin supported his decision and was really excited for Makoto, which assured Makoto that he was making a good decision.

It made Makoto happy to know that Haru felt bad about it, even if it was for the wrong reasons, again. Makoto was truly a demented psycho.

“I know. But that’s all okay now,” Makoto said. “Anyway, tell me about the swimming. Haru said you guys swam with the national team. What was that like?”

“Oh, man! It was so cool,” Rin said, getting really animated. “You know how at competitions when you’re surrounded by other athletes like you and it’s really cool? It was kinda like that, except waayy more amazing because they’re, like, professional athletes and stuff, and it was just so cool.”

Makoto laughed. “I can imagine. I would have felt really intimidated.”

“It was a little intimidating, but they were pretty friendly. They didn’t really pay that much attention to us,” Rin sounded a little disappointed. “Except when I challenged Haru to a race. I knew some of them were watching.”

“You guys racing is always exciting to watch.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Rin said, relaxing into his chair. “Other than that, we didn’t do much else. We had dinner with my home-stay parents from when I went to school there, and we did a tiny little bit of sightseeing. We didn’t have much time there anyway.”

“Mhmm, you were only there for two days, right?” Makoto asked, even though he fully knew just how long they were gone for.

“Two days and two nights. It was just a quick trip to settle some things for after graduation.”

“Are you excited? To be going back to Australia?”

“Yup! I feel like now I can do much better there than before,” Rin said with a hopeful look in his eyes. “I’m ready to kick Australian butt down there.”

Makoto laughed at that. He really hoped that Rin’s new experience in Australia would be better than his previous one.

“Anyway, those two nights were rough,” Rin continued, pushing his hair back. “I was so tired, I slept on most of the plane ride home.”

“What happened? Was the hotel bad?”

“Bad is an understatement. They messed up the room booking!”

“Really? That’s horrible. What did you guys do?”

“Well, we had no choice but to stay there,” Rin said, looking slightly embarrassed. “There was only one bed in the room, so Haru and I had to share the bed. It was so awkward.”

Makoto froze, feeling his eyes go wide. Haru did not mention that.

“…That’s…Wow, that’s so…crazy,” Makoto responded.

“Haru didn’t tell you about that?”

“No,” Makoto needed to pull himself together. “He probably felt too awkward to mention it.”

“Yeah, it was a bit uncomfortable.”

Makoto wondered if it would have been uncomfortable if he and Haru had to share a bed.

“But it wasn’t so bad. We aren’t bad sleepers, like going all over the place and stuff. It was just troublesome to make sure we didn’t touch or anything.”

“Well, I’m glad it turned out well.” Makoto couldn’t get the image of Haru and Rin in bed together out of his mind. He wondered if through the night they shifted, getting closer to each other, limbs touching. Or if they quietly talked amongst themselves as they tried to fall asleep. Things Makoto and Haru used to do when they were younger and could still fit in the bed together at sleepovers. He forced himself to stop thinking about it.

“It was a good trip. For both of us,” Rin surmised. “Especially for Haru. He figured out a lot of things down under.”

Makoto thought maybe a dream of swimming wasn’t the only thing Haru found in Australia. He knew something else was different about Haru. The far off looks, the way Haru seemed to be softly smiling to himself when he thought no one was looking. Makoto lost his appetite.

“…I’m happy for you guys,” Makoto forced out, trying to sound pleasant. “It sounds like you had a nice time.”

Rin was looking at Makoto funny. “Makoto…Are you okay?”

“Me? Uh, yeah, no. I’m fine! I just felt weird for a second.” Makoto was regretting going out for lunch. His heart was beating way too hard. He could feel it in his finger tips and it would pounding hard enough to almost drown out the sounds from his surroundings. He wanted to leave, to walk away from where this conversation was heading. But they weren’t done with lunch and didn’t have the bill yet. Makoto couldn’t just leave Rin to foot it by himself.

“You sure? You look like you’re about to throw up,” Rin said, sounding concerned.

“No, I’m good.” Makoto could excuse himself to the restroom, but he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to come out and face Rin again.

“Okay…If you say so,” Rin didn’t sound sure about Makoto. “Anyway, there’s something I want to tell you.”

Makoto was pretty sure he would rather drown than hear Rin’s next words. He already felt like he was drowning with the way he couldn’t breathe.

“For kind of a while now,” Rin started. “I’ve had feelings for this guy, and-”

“Rin!” Makoto interrupted. Rin looked surprised at Makoto’s outburst.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you,” Makoto recovered, not looking Rin in the eyes. He couldn’t bear to sit here any longer. “But if you’re going to tell me about you and… Haru, then I don’t think I can-”

“Me and Haru?”

“I mean, it’s okay if that’s what you want-” Makoto had to get away.

“That is so not what I’m talking about-”

“I’m sorry, Rin. I have to go,” Makoto said, making a move to get up.

“Makoto!” Rin said sternly, grabbing Makoto’s arm. “Sit down! Listen to me. I’m not talking about me and Haru.”

The blood rushing through Makoto’s head made it hard to understand what Rin was saying, but he remained seated, mostly because he didn’t think he’d be able to stand if he got up.

“I’m trying to tell you that,” Rin started to blush. “I’m pretty sure that I’m…gay.”

 “Okay…” Makoto slowly nodded. “And the guy you have feelings for is Ha-”

“Not Haru.”

Makoto’s head shot up.

“What?”

“Haru’s not the guy I like,” Rin said matter-of-factly. “I mean, used to like him, but now-”

“Then who?” Makoto was having a hard time processing everything that was going on. Then it struck him. Oh, oh god. So that’s why he invited me out to lunch. Makoto felt a fierce blush cover his face.

“Rin, I-I’m flattered, b-but I-” Makoto stammered.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Rin said, sounding extremely exasperated and running both his hands over his face, which also had a little blush. “Would you just shut up and listen, you big dummy! You’re also not the one I like!”

Makoto was frozen in place, probably wearing a really dumb expression. He was glad they were sitting in an isolated part of the café.

“Sousuke,” Rin exhaled. “Sousuke is the one I like. Sousuke is the one I was talking about. Yamazaki Sousuke, the guy I am gay for, do you understand? Not you, not Haru. Sousuke.”

Makoto took a few moments to take everything that just happened in. Then, realizing how stupid he’d been, he groaned and covered his reddening face with both his hands.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Rin. Sorry,” Makoto apologized in a rush. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“It’s okay,” Rin said, chuckling a little.

“Sorry if I was acting weird,” Makoto said, continuing to make up for his folly. “Don’t think it’s because I don’t accept it, because I do! I’m really happy for you! It’s just, I didn’t expect it to go this way. I didn’t know what to do. I’m such an idi-”

“Makoto. I said it’s okay,” Rin repeated, giving him a soft smile. “I kinda dropped that on you out of nowhere.”

Makoto let out the breath he’d been holding for the past several minutes and scorned the gods for how easily he blushed. This afternoon definitely made it onto his list of most mortifying experiences of his life.

“So…What the fuck was that about?” Rin demanded suddenly.

“…What was what about?” A lot had happened in the last 10 minutes.

“Ever since I started talking about me and Haru in Australia, you looked like you wanted to bolt.”

“I just-”

“And, shit,” Rin didn’t give Makoto time to make excuses. “When I got to talking about me being gay, I thought you were going to pass the fuck out.”

Makoto literally had nothing to say for himself.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me,” Makoto lied, knowing perfectly well why he reacted the way he did.

“Did the prospect of me and Haru being together really freak you out that much?” Rin teased, trying to hide a sly smile.

“No.” Makoto took a deep breath. “I just-I wasn’t prepared for it.”

“Hmm, I guess if I were about to find out two of my best friends wanted to do each other I’d freak out a little too.”

“Ha ha…” Makoto laughed a little uneasily. “Yeah, it’s just surprising is all.”

“Are you really surprised?” Rin asked, sounding a little incredulous. “About me, I mean?”

Makoto thought about it a little. “Yes, no, kinda. You always had this macho air about you though.”

“You can be macho and still like dudes.”

“You’re right,” Makoto said, shaking his head. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Rin paused, letting a beat go by. “You thought I liked Haru.”

Makoto really didn’t want to talk about Haru.

“Um, well, yeah. You and Haru have, like, a connection. There’s an energy between you guys,” Makoto tried not to frown as he continued, a decibel quieter. “Everyone can see it. Everyone always talks about it. It’s hard to miss.”

“Well, sorry to disappoint, but Haru’s not interested,” Rin said nonchalantly, taking a sip of his drink. “I talked to him about it in Australia.”

“Oh…” It figures, Makoto thought, Haru’s not interested in guys, or anyone for that matter.

“Lucky for you, I guess” Rin smirked.

“What do you mean?” Makoto questioned, not liking where Rin was heading.

“Nothing. Just that you looked so torn up about your best friend liking someone. Now you have nothing to worry about,” Rin replied. Then, gesturing to Makoto’s unfinished plate of food, asked, “You going to finish that? Lunch can’t last forever. I’ve got things to do.”

Makoto completely forgot about his food and quickly started stuffing the rest of it in his mouth so that he wouldn’t have to talk anymore. They finished eating without any more heavy, embarrassing things said between them, and after paying their bills, they left the café together.

“I promised my mom and Gou I’d go visit today, so that’s where I’m heading,” Rin said. “What are you doing the rest of the day?”

“Oh, I think I might just get some homework done.”

“Cool. By the way, thanks for meeting with me today.”

“No problem! I enjoyed myself.” Makoto said, smiling.

“Yeah, right,” Rin laughed.

They got on the train together, but Rin got off after a couple of stops, leaving Makoto time to ruminate over the day’s events. Then he pulled out his phone.

To: Nanase Haruka

>Are you home?

From: Nanase Haruka

>yeah

To: Nanase Haruka

>Can I come over to study?

From: Nanase Haruka

>yes

To: Nanase Haruka

>Ok! I’ll be over soon.

Chapter Text

Haru was just walking downstairs when the doorbell rang, signaling Makoto’s arrival. For once, Haru was going to answer the door instead of Makoto letting himself in. He placed his hand on the unlocked door, only to have it pushed open by another force. Both Haruka and Makoto stood with a hand on the door, surprised at seeing each other so unexpectedly.

“Oh, Haru! I thought you might have been in the bath,” Makoto said.

“I’ve been out for a while,” Haru said, turning around and heading towards the kitchen as Makoto followed him into the house. “I’m making lunch. Do you want some?”

“No, thanks. I just ate,” Makoto said, walking into the living room.

“Sorry if I took a while. I had to stop at my house to get my stuff,” Makoto chatted as he put his bag down in the living room. “The twins asked if they could come over too, but the minute I mentioned all we’d be doing is homework, they decided they would be fine at home by themselves.”

Haru smiled a little to himself, but didn’t say anything. Makoto knew he was listening. Makoto probably knew he was amused. He waited a moment before he asked, “You weren’t at home?”

“No,” Makoto said, his voice closer behind Haru than before. Haru glanced behind him to see Makoto standing in the doorway of the kitchen, arms crossed and leaning against the frame. “Rin invited me out to lunch.”

“Why?” Haru inquired, fully knowing the reason why. He’d planned on calling Rin later to find out what happened, but with Makoto now here, Haru could find out from him. The thought of Makoto confessing right then and there in the kitchen made Haru’s pace quicken. He debated on whether or not he should start cooking. If he did, the mackerel might burn if he got too distracted. But if he didn’t, Makoto would wonder why Haru was standing there doing nothing. Haru decided it’d be better for him to keep busy, and got to work on preparing the fish.

“He just wanted to hang out. We haven’t really talked since Nationals.”

“Ah…”

They were silent for a while, Haru cooking and Makoto still propped up against the door frame. Haru could feel Makoto watching him, and tried to act normal.

“He told me about Australia,” Makoto eventually continued.

Haru’s prior quickened pulse was nothing compared to the way his heart was beating now. What did he say about Australia? Haru wondered.

“Haru, you didn’t tell me you and Rin had to share a bed,” Makoto teased, smiling coyly at Haru.

“It wasn’t important,” Haru responded with his back still turned to Makoto. Was that it?

Makoto chuckled. Haru liked how it sounded. He wished he could always hear Makoto laugh.

They were silent again. Haru felt Makoto’s presence still in the kitchen doorway, as if he still had something left to say. But a few moments later he went back into the living room without a word.

Haru finished up his mackerel and heard Makoto unzipping his bag and taking out textbooks and notebooks. Haru placed his food on the living room table, then ran upstairs to grab his school stuff. By some miracle, his unfrequently used phone started to ring while he was in there, and after glancing at the caller ID, he quickly picked it up.

“Hello?”

“Yo,” Rin greeted on the other side. “You won’t believe what happened earlier-”

“I can’t talk now.”

“What? Why? What are you doing?”

“Studying.”

“I’m sure you can spare 10 minutes to hear about lunch.”

“I can’t.”

“…Oh, shit,” Rin said, realizing something. “He’s there, isn’t he?”

“I have to go.”

“Oh my god.”

“Bye.”

“Now you really have to call me later, okay?”

“I’m hanging up.” Haru ended the call and went back downstairs.

Makoto was sitting at the table with his books and notebooks spread over half of the table, the other half clear except for Haru’s plate of mackerel. Makoto was already flipping through pages of the text in front of him and scribbling things down. Haru sat down to eat and watched Makoto. Occasionally Makoto would cease writing to read something, scratching the back of his head with his right hand. It was during one of these pensive moments that Makoto glanced up at Haru.

“Is everything okay?” Makoto asked, catching Haru a little off guard. He always forgot how perceptive Makoto is.

“…I’m fine.” Haru answered, then stuffing some fish into his mouth.

“Mmmm…,” Makoto intoned, putting his pencil down. He stretched, arms up in the air, then stretched his back, placing his arms behind him to support him. He stayed like that, looking morosely at his schoolwork. Ever since they retired from the swim club, Makoto’s been spending most of his newfound free time studying for university entrance exams. Haru knew the extra workload was something new for Makoto. He also knew Makoto was determined to do well and get accepted to schools in Tokyo. It was difficult for Makoto to study at home with the twins around, and Haru was glad he could offer a quiet place that allowed Makoto to focus.

“Thanks for letting me come over,” Makoto said, reading Haru’s mind, again.

“No problem.”

“I’ve been thinking,” Makoto started. Haru looked up from his food to Makoto, imaginary ears pricking up. “I want to tell the twins. About Tokyo.”

Trying not to sound too disappointed, Haru asked, “You haven’t told them yet?”

“No. I talked to my parents about it, and they said it might be better to wait until after I actually get accepted.”

Haru nodded.

“But, if I wait until then, they’ll have less time to come to terms with it, and they’ll be devastated. I don’t want that.”

Haru nodded again.

“Then again, if I tell them now, they could be sad for all the months leading up to me going away, and I don’t want to go through that either.” Makoto chuckled humorlessly. “It’s horrible to say, but I don’t want to be around for when they finally realize I’m going away.”

“It’s understandable,” Haru offered.

“Yeah, I guess…” Makoto said, trailing off. Then he cast his eyes towards Haru. “Will they be the only ones to miss me, Haru-chan?”

“Don’t call me –chan.”

Makoto laughed. “Sorry.”

“…” Haru knew Makoto didn’t expect an answer, but he still wanted to say something to let Makoto know that, yes, Haru would indeed miss Makoto if they were to separate.

“Anyway, I think sooner might be better than later,” Makoto said. Then, rather tentatively, asked, “So, have you given any thought about where you want to go to school?”

This was the first time Makoto brought up prospective universities since Haru decided he would pursue a professional swimming career. After fighting over Haru’s future, it made sense that Makoto was a little wary of asking Haru about his future plans. But now Haru knew what he wanted. He thought to all the offers he’d gotten. He really had his choice of any school in Japan.

“I’ve been considering the offers.”

“That’s great!” Makoto was genuinely excited. “Any of them catch your interest?”

“Some…” There was one university that had a really nice new sports complex, complete with an indoor, saltwater pool. The fact that it was located in Tokyo was a bonus, but Haru didn’t want to give Makoto false hope. As wonderful as it’d be to be in Tokyo with Makoto, Haru understood that his decision would affect his swimming career. Choosing new pools and childhood best friends who smiles pure sunshine wouldn’t be enough to get Haru to the top. It was obvious that he should go for the school with the best swimming program.

“Well, I guess you don’t have to take the entrance exam for whatever school you choose, right?”

“Yeah…”

“That’s so lucky,” Makoto whined. As always, he could tell Haru didn’t really want to talk about it, and went back to his work, giving Haru one of his trademark smiles saying, It’s okay. We don’t have to talk about it now, before looking down at his books.

They spent the rest of the afternoon like that, silently completing their assignments, only occasionally discussing questions and the usual idle chit chat. Nothing was unusual about their time together; it was the same, comfortable companionship they were used to. But there was a charge in the air, filled with the things both Makoto and Haruka wouldn’t say to each other. Makoto didn’t bring up his lunch with Rin again, and Haru kept getting distracted, too busy about thinking how different the evening could be if he was able to say what he was feeling.

As much as he wanted Makoto to stay as long as possible, Haru also wanted him to leave so he could talk with Rin. Haru didn’t know how long he’d be able to stand being so close yet feeling so far from Makoto.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I can’t believe you!” Gou shouted at her brother as she hit his arm. Rin was surprised at his un-athletic sister’s strength.

“I didn’t meddle! I swear!” Rin shouted back. “I just talked to him about…stuff.”

“Was it stuff concerning his relationship with Haruka-senpai?”

“No! I told you already, I just filled Makoto in on some details about our trip to Australia that Haru didn’t tell Makoto.”

“Like what?”

“Like, how Haru was really sad about their fight.”

“That is sooo meddling!”

Rin arrived at his mother and Gou’s house after lunch with Makoto only to be inquired about his every action during the time that had passed since they’d seen each other last. It wasn’t like Rin didn’t talk to them on the phone; he called at least once a week, and if he wasn’t busy on weekends, he would try and spend the afternoon with them. But Gou had gotten a little suspicious when he mentioned he had just seen Makoto, and she wanted to know why he went out with just Makoto and not both him and Haru. It wasn’t until after their mother left the room that Gou completely turned on him and started blaming him for ruining the future of their friends’ relationship.

After Nationals, Rin asked Gou if she had noticed any change in Haru and Makoto’s relationship. It was a total mistake on his part though, because she caught on to why he was asking and told him that it was no one’s business about what happened between Haru and Makoto but Haru and Makoto’s and that was that.

She also told him that, in fact, nothing was really different, and that they were back to being the best of friends that they’d always been, at least from what she could see.

And she promised that if Rin did anything to directly interfere with how the way the possible romance between Haru and Makoto blossomed, either positive or negative, she would never forgive him. According to her, they had to figure it out for themselves. Whether they just stayed friends or if they did become lovers, it had to be because they came to that decision themselves, and not because of outside forces influencing them.

Rin was a little surprised that Gou knew about the more-than-friendship that Haru and Makoto had, but then again, it was really obvious. Rin couldn’t imagine anyone not suspecting those two of being more than just friends, and it would be completely reasonable for people to mistake them for boyfriends. The way they looked at each other, the way they talked to each other, the way they smiled at each other, the way they only showed certain parts of themselves they never showed anyone else to each other. These were all things glaringly obvious to the people around them, so of course Gou would notice. Rei and Nagisa probably noticed too.

After reconnecting with his friends and getting to know them all over again after last summer, Rin started to notice the way Haru and Makoto were together. They’d always been close, but now as teenagers it seemed to be a little too close. He suspected that they might be secretly dating, but when it became apparent that they weren’t, Rin started to hope that maybe they really were just friends. Maybe he could have a shot with Haru.

And he tried. He really did. He tried flirting with Haru, trying to get responses out of the stoic boy, but it never worked. Haru would just look at him like always, a steady blue gaze void of anything other than amity. It wasn’t until they threw Makoto a surprise birthday party that he saw something he knew he could only dream of getting from Haru.

Haru had baked a chocolate cake decorated to perfection and cooked Makoto’s favorite meal of green curry, and you could taste how much love Haru put into the food. And the smiles. The small, tender smiles he would smile at Makoto, the look of pure, unbridled bliss at seeing his best friend so happy with the surprise celebration. Haru had pampered Makoto, making sure the boy didn’t want for anything during the party, whether it was a drink or another slice of cake. And Makoto took it all in, telling Haru in typical Makoto fashion that he didn’t have to go through all this trouble, then looking brighter than the sun when Haru assured him it was no big thing at all and that he wanted to do it. He thanked Haru all through the night, smiling at him with a slight flush every time their eyes met (which, to be honest, happened a lot). Rin could see how thrilled Makoto was to see his friends going through all this trouble, but it was clear that nothing made him happier than knowing Haru put so much work into doing something for him.

It was that night Rin realized something definitely existed between them, but they probably hadn’t realized it yet. He had also accepted that Haru would never look at Rin the way he looked at Makoto. He would never smile at Rin the way he smiled at Makoto. He could probably never love anyone the way he loved Makoto. And Rin was okay with that. It hurt a little, because he’d always liked Haru, but he wanted his friends to be happy together, and he knew they would.

And that was exactly the reason he was getting so fed up with them not moving their relationship forward, because they were wasting time they could be together by not being honest to each other about how they so obviously feel.

“I’m done defending myself. I didn’t meddle. Anything that happens now is completely up to them,” Rin said, actively avoiding telling Gou that he was basically Haru’s confidante in his romantic trials. “Anyway, I should probably get going soon. I wanted to get some studying done before the weekend is over.”

“Hmph…” was the only response Gou made.

Five minutes later Rin was walking to to the train stop and calling Haru.

“Hello?” Haru answered after a few rings. Rin was surprised he picked up so fast. The idea of Haru anxiously waiting for Rin to call made him want to cackle.

“Yo,” Rin said. “You won’t believe what happened earlier-”

“I can’t talk now.”

“What? Why? What are you doing?” Rin wondered what was more important than this.

“Studying.”

“I’m sure you can spare 10 minutes to hear about lunch.” Hearing Haru taking studying so seriously threw Rin aback.

“I can’t.” Oh, shit. Makoto’s probably there.

“…Oh, shit,” Rin said. That guy. He must’ve gone there straight after lunch. “He’s there, isn’t he?”

“I have to go,” Haru said with a faint hint of desperation.

“Oh my god,” Rin laughed.

“Bye.”

“Now you really have to call me later, okay?”

“I’m hanging up.” Haru ended the call and Rin chuckled all the way back to Samezuka.

Quite a few hours later in their dorm room, Rin and Sousuke were lying side by side on the bottom bunk, lazily making out, bodies pressed together and hands wandering. They were in the middle of a very passionate lip lock when the sound of Rin’s ringtone rang through the room.

“Don’t answer it,” Sousuke murmured against Rin’s lips.

“It might be Haru,” Rin said, moving to grab his phone.

“Then definitely don’t answer it,” Sousuke said, pulling Rin’s mouth back against his.

“Mmmm…” Rin intoned. They kissed some more and the phone kept ringing. But as much as Rin didn’t want to, and right now he really didn’t want to, he pulled away from Sousuke and got up from the bed to grab his phone from his desk. He could hear Sousuke groaning and cursing Haru under his breath.

“Hey,” Rin answered on probably the very last second before it went to voicemail.

“What took you so long?” Haru said in his usual monotone.

“What took me so long? What the hell were you and Makoto doing all evening?” Rin was annoyed at Haru being so annoyed. “Plus, that’s no way to talk to someone who’s helping you. You’re lucky I even answered the goddamn phone.”

“…Sorry,” Haru replied. “Were you busy?”

Rin looked down at Sousuke who was pouting on the bed. “Just a little.”

“Can you talk?”

“Yeah, it’s fine.” Rin could feel Sousuke glaring at him.

“Why did you tell Makoto about the bed?”

“You mean us having to share a bed? ‘Cause you didn’t.”

“He didn’t need to know that.”

“Look, all I said was that it was awkward.”

“You shouldn’t have told him.”

“Why not? The poor guy needs to know things like this, since you obviously don’t tell him anything.”

“That’s not the point.”

“Can we just forget about the bed thing?”

“…What else did you say?”

Sometimes Rin wondered why he even liked Haru. The other swimmer could be so damn difficult sometimes.

“I told him about how sad you were about your fight.”

Rin heard a noise on the other end that sounded a little like a cat choking.

“Why would you do that?!”

“Jeez Haru, how else am I supposed to tell Makoto how much he means to you if I can’t tell him that?”

“You could think of something else.”

“I was just telling him what is true.”

“Hmph.”

Rin sighed. “Haru, if you can’t handle me telling Makoto about that, then how do you expect to tell him how you feel?”

“…”

“Listen, I know it’s embarrassing. And scary. But you have to tell him. It’s you he wants to hear those words from.”

“…So…you think he feels the same?”

“I know he does,” Rin laughed. “I told him about me and Sousuke, but for a minute he thought I was going to say you were the one I liked, and you should’ve seen his face. I thought he was going to pass out.”

Rin laughed a little more while Sousuke seethed on the bed. Sousuke was less than pleased that Rin used to have a thing for Haru, and was extremely jealous because of it.

“…Makoto was upset?”

“Yeah, at the idea of you and me being together. I’d take that to mean he wants you to be with him.”

“But you don’t know for sure?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes. That was the point of talking to him. To make sure he feels the same.”

“Haru. Makoto looks at you like you are the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. He feels the same.”

“…Ok.”

“Happy?”

“Yes. Thank you.”

“No problem. Any other pressing matters?”

“No.”

“Alright then. Talk to you later. Oh, and Sousuke says for you to get a move on.”

“Hmph. Bye.”

“They better get a move on before I murder them both for taking up so much of your time,” Sousuke said as Rin walked back towards the bed.

“It’s okay. I don’t mind,” Rin said.

“But I do.” And with that Sousuke pulled Rin on top of him, continuing their previous activity.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was Sunday night after the twins had finished in the bath and were preparing for bed, and the ever so dutiful older brother Makoto was drying Ran’s hair. They were sitting on Makoto’s bed, while Ren sat cross-legged on the floor playing a video game. The evening was no different from any other evening in the Tachibana house, except the twins were super quiet. And that never happened.

After much deliberation and talking it out with his parents and Haru, Makoto decided it would be best to tell his siblings about his leaving home and going to school in Tokyo now instead of later, so it wouldn’t be that much of a shock when it eventually happened. Makoto thought that having more than a few months to let the twins wrap their heads around the idea of their beloved onii-chan leaving would make the separation easier, or so he hoped.

But there were tears. So many tears. Buckets of tears streaming down the twins faces last night after he returned home from Haru’s and broke the news to the twins at dinner. Even Makoto and his mother started to tear up a little at the dinner table. Makoto’s father was just barely able to keep it together, and you could hear a little strain in his voice as he tried to calm his family down.

Ran and Ren hadn’t left his side since last night. They put up a fight before bed the previous night, tears in their eyes as they begged to sleep with Makoto. So they made a pillow fort in the living room and watched movies until all three Tachibana children were fast asleep, one twin cuddled up on both of Makoto’s sides. It didn’t escape Makoto’s notice that both children kept trying to fight off sleep and stay awake and with their brother for as long as possible.

Makoto was very glad that he finished all of his homework at Haru’s house, because he had no time to himself all day Sunday. Normally he would have to fight the twins for an hour or two of alone time, but today he was all theirs. Makoto’s guilt led him to want to spoil them for the day, indulging in their every wish and basically subjecting himself to each of the twins’ whims. But it wasn’t so bad. Makoto was happy to spend this time with his younger siblings, and the day was filled with laughter and gentle smiles, with the occasional trembling pouts and stray tears. The twins asked him questions throughout the day: “Where will you live?” “How will you eat?” “Won’t you be lonely?” “Will you miss us?,” and Makoto answered them as truthfully as he could.

Breaking the silence in Makoto’s room, Ran asked, “Onii-chan, who will dry my hair when you leave?”

“Mom can do it,” Makoto answered. “Or, maybe, you could finally learn to do it properly yourself.”

“Hmmm…” Ran responded.

Makoto had said it in a teasing tone, trying to lighten the atmosphere, but it didn’t seem to work. Ren had looked up from his game while they spoke, then said:

“At least I know how to dry my hair properly.”

“Shut up, Ren! It’s different because you have short hair,” Ran retorted.

“Hey now, be nice both of you,” Makoto intervened, the constant referee for the twins. And because Ran had sounded on the verge of tears, Makoto kissed the top of her head and said, “I’ll miss drying your hair too, Ran.”

At that Ran turned around and buried herself into Makoto’s open arms. Not wanting to miss out on the cuddle-Makoto-session, Ren jumped onto the bed and Makoto wrapped an arm around him too. They sat like that for a little while, little sniffles escaping from the twins every so often.

“What is Haru-chan going to do without you?” Ran asked quietly.

“Huh?” Makoto was a little surprised that she asked about Haru. Then again, it’s not like the twins hadn’t noticed how inseparable the best friends were. Makoto definitely did not think of the night before when he brazenly asked Haru if he would miss him.

“Won’t Haru-chan miss you?” Ren inquired.

“Haru is also going to go away you know,” Makoto explained. Earlier in the day he had mentioned that it was very likely Haru was leaving Iwatobi too, just where to he wasn’t sure of yet. “It’s not like I’d be leaving him the way I’m leaving you guys.”

“But you guys will still be best friends, right?” Ran asked.

“Of course we will,” Makoto assured them. “And yeah, we probably will miss each other a lot.”

“Haru-chan should go to Tokyo too, that way you guys won’t be lonely,” Ren said.

“Haru should go wherever he wants to,” Makoto said. “He has to go to a university that will help him become a good swimmer.”

“I think Haru-chan will miss you,” Ran stated. “A lot.”

“A lot a lot,” Ren seconded.

“He might miss you more than we will,” said Ran.

“How can you say that?” Makoto said, laughing. It was kinda cute how his siblings were so concerned for his and Haru’s friendship.

“Because Haru-chan’s known you longer and is more used to having you around,” Ren said.

“And because he loves you a lot,” Ran added.

“Yeah! As much as we do,” Ren agreed.

Makoto was speechless. He knew that they meant it in the most innocent way possible. The way they saw it, Haru was like a member of the family, and he basically was another older brother to the twins. Of course Haru loves him. He couldn’t not love him with the way their relationship is. But Makoto couldn’t help wishing that Haru’s love for him went beyond that of a best friend or a brother. Anyway, Makoto was more shocked that the twins were able to pick up on it in the first place. Haru isn’t exactly the most affectionate and emotional person. He’s never said in words what Makoto means to him. Anyone who didn’t know Haru and looked at their relationship would think that Haru was cold to Makoto. But Makoto knew Haru well enough to know what actions and words proved Haru’s appreciation of their friendship. And apparently so do the twins.

“You have to promise you’ll stay best friends with Haru-chan!” Ran demanded spiritedly, sitting up in Makoto’s lap. Ren vigorously nodded.

“You guys are already doing a bad job of it!” Ran continued, filled with an astounding amount of authority.

“Really?!” Makoto couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Yeah!” Ran and Ren said simultaneously.

“How?” Makoto was genuinely puzzled.

“Haru-chan hasn’t slept over in a long time,” Ran reasoned.

“And he didn’t want to have dinner with us that one time!” Ren continued.

“And you were a bad friend and didn’t make him have dinner with us. Poor Haru-chan must have been so lonely,” Ran finished.

“Okay, first of all Haru didn’t have dinner with us because he didn’t feel up for it. I was being a good friend by letting him do what he wanted,” Makoto cleared up. “Secondly, Haru and I have been really busy with school and other stuff, so that’s why he hasn’t slept over.”

“Still,” Ran said, crossing her arms.

“You guys are impossible,” Makoto sighed. He still couldn’t believe he was being lectured by his younger siblings.

“But you have to promise!” Ren reminded him.

“Haru-chan’s probably not good at staying in touch, so you have to make sure to do it, for the both of you, okay?” Ran said.

Sometimes the twins astounded Makoto with their level of understanding. He’d learned very early on to never underestimate them. This was one of those times.

“I promise.” And Makoto meant it. He knew it might be difficult for Haru to stay in touch, or at least keep his cell phone on him and charged.

“Good,” both twins said, followed by yawns.

“Alright, seems like it’s time for bed,” Makoto said in his big-brother voice, preparing to usher them to their room.

“But we want to stay with you,” Ren whined.

“You can’t. It’s not like last night when we could sleep downstairs. We all have school tomorrow,” Makoto reasoned, shooing them off the bed and out of the room.

“We can sleep in your bed!” Ran insisted.

“We won’t fit. My bed’s too small,” Makoto countered. He was an expert at handling the twins.

“But you and Haru-chan do it all the time…” Ren mumbled under his breath.

Makoto hoped they didn’t notice how red he turned. It was true that sometimes when Haru stayed over and Makoto was too lazy or too tired to get the guest futon set up they would both just get into bed together. But that wasn’t “all the time,” like Ren had said.

“Umm, no, actually we don’t, and if we do, it’s not on school nights,” Makoto recovered as the twins climbed into their respective beds. “Anyway, you guys will see me in the morning, and then after school. You can go a night without me.”

“But soon we’ll have to go many nights without you,” Ran whined, pouting while getting under the covers.

Makoto sighed as a wave of guilt washed over him.

“Then I promise we can make another pillow fort on the weekend,” he said, tucking Ran in and kissing her forehead.

“Can we invite Haru-chan, too?” Ren asked when Makoto went to tuck him in.

“Of course. I’m sure he’d love to join us,” Makoto smiled at him, giving him a kiss of his own.

He turned to leave the room and saw his mother standing at the doorway, a tender smile on her face.

“Goodnight, you two,” she said as Makoto walked past her and two voices replied their goodnights to her.

After turning out the light and closing the door, she turned to Makoto, who was waiting in the hallway. She walked up to him and reached up to his face, placing her hand on his cheek.

“You’re such a good big brother,” she said softly. “They’re going to miss you like crazy.”

“Mhmmm,” he nodded. “I’m going to miss them a lot too. All of you for that matter.”

Makoto’s mother just nodded quietly, and Makoto could tell she was about to cry, so Makoto leaned down to hug her.

“We’re all going to miss you,” she said. “So, so much.”

They pulled apart and she composed herself, then resuming her role as a rule-enforcing parent, said, “You should go to sleep too. You had a long day.”

“Yeah, I did,” Makoto laughed. “Goodnight, mom.”

“Goodnight, Makoto.”

And with that Makoto went back to his room, more than slightly grateful to have the space to himself, even if it was just for sleeping. He expected to fall right asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, but all he could think about was Haru.

Makoto wondered what the twins thought of him and Haru. He wondered what everyone else thought about him and Haru. Did they see them the way the twins did? Do they think Haru needs him as much as he needs Haru?

Makoto sometimes hates to think it, but he really does need Haru. Being strong doesn’t come easy to Makoto, and he wishes that it would, because he’s always relied way too much on Haru as a steady rock to help him weather any storm. He wanted to go to Tokyo to change that. Having to face everything on his own would surely be a good thing, right? It would make him stronger, braver, maybe more outgoing. But it still scared him. He constantly had to quiet the little voice in his head that told him it’d be easier with Haru there.

Makoto’s choice to go to Tokyo and separate him and Haru was supposed to be good for both of them. They would learn how not to be reliant on each other, becoming more independent people. They would figure out who they were without the other’s influence. And most importantly, Makoto would be giving Haru the freedom to do what he wanted and achieve his dreams without Makoto holding him back.

Makoto feared the ocean and what lied beneath the deep darkness of the unpredictable water. Makoto feared ghosts and monsters and dark hallways. Makoto was afraid of many things, but nothing was more frightening than being left behind by Haru. And he tried to keep up. Most times he was able to, except when it came to swimming. Haru was in a whole other league of swimming, something Makoto finally accepted during their race at prefecturals. Haru was heading somewhere Makoto couldn’t follow, and as much as it hurt to do it, he had to let him go.

And it hurt him so much. The realization of losing Haru would hit him sometimes, and it would bring him to tears. The boy he so desperately loved, the boy he’s always loved, maybe loved too much, was going where Makoto couldn’t follow. And Makoto would be damned if he tried to hold him back. Makoto wanted to keep Haru by his side for as long as he could, but it was time to start letting go.

Makoto willed himself not to cry at the thought of letting go of Haru. He didn’t want to think he was losing a friendship, a childhood, a whole way of life by going down a path separate from Haru. He wanted to be with Haru forever, even if it was just as a friend. Makoto accepted long ago that he would only ever be Haru’s friend. He was okay with that. Enough time has passed since he first understood his feelings for his best friend for it to not hurt to think about never being more than Haru’s friend.

But he could still dream, and as Makoto eventually drifted off into sleep, he knew he would probably dream of being happy with Haru, filled with sunsets, shared popsicles, walks on the beach, a life that would be a million wishes come true.

Chapter Text

~Monday~

“Mako-chan is so mean!” Nagisa exclaimed, looking positively scandalized with Makoto.

“I had to do it,” Makoto desperately tried to explain. “It was going to happen eventually.”

“Poor Ran-chan and Ren-chan,” Nagisa lamented, a look of pure sorrow on his face. “Probably didn’t even know what was coming.”

It was lunch time on the school roof, and Makoto had just finished telling his friends about the weekend’s event of breaking the news of Tokyo to the twins. Nagisa, of course, was making a bigger deal out of it than was necessary, and Haru really wished Nagisa would quit it. Makoto already felt guilty enough. There was no need to rub it in more.

“Nagisa-kun, Makoto-senpai only did what was logical to do in this situation,” Rei said, trying to quell Nagisa’s antics. “It’s also admirable that he put so much thought into how they would feel.”

“Ah, thank you, Rei,” Makoto said, lightly scratching his cheek, the way he does when he’s pleased.

“Still… I know how they feel,” Nagisa pouted. “You went through this too, right Rei-chan?”

As the youngest of four children, Nagisa has lived through all three of his older sisters leaving home, either for school or embarking out on their own. And Rei’s older brother was in university. Haru was kind of glad he didn’t have any siblings to leave behind.

“Yes,” Rei answered. “But it’s nothing to be distraught over! It’s a good thing that Makoto-senpai is going to a university in Tokyo.”

Rei was also trying to console Nagisa with these words. Ever since the realization that the rest of the school year was the last time the four of them would be together for a while, not a day passed where Nagisa didn’t mention how much he was going to miss Haru and Makoto or that he was sad they were leaving. Rei also has had somber moments, but he hasn’t been anywhere near the point of tears that he was at Nationals. Nagisa was a different story. Thankfully, today Nagisa hasn’t shown any signs of bursting into tears. Yet.

“What about you, Haru-chan?” Nagisa exclaimed, turning to Haru. “Did you decide where you want to go?”

“Not yet,” Haru replied. He was still debating, but closer to a decision than when he talked with Makoto on Saturday. He’d been a little distracted lately.

“Ah, I see. Well, I’m sure you’ll make the right choice!” Nagisa encouraged. “But it’ll probably be far away too, won’t it?”

“Of course! There’s no universities nearby that offer the services Haruka-senpai needs in order to succeed,” Rei said. The two continued their chat, hypothesizing where in Japan would have the best schools. It was this moment Haru took to tune out of the conversation, already tired of talking about it, but not before he noticed Makoto smiling at him gently.

His smile said, Don’t worry about it too much. And before he could even think about it, Haru felt himself smiling back. As soon as he realized what he was doing, he stopped, and hoped Makoto didn’t notice the panic in his eyes. But this was Makoto, and of course he noticed, and he gave Haru a questioning look. Fortunately for Haru, Gou arrived, saving Haru from fully panicking.

“Sorry I’m late everyone!” Gou said cheerfully as she sat down with her lunch. Now that swimming season was over, she didn’t have to keep that much of an iron fist over the boys, and she’s been splitting her time between having lunch with the swim team and her other friends.

“Ne, Gou-chan! I was thinking,” Nagisa turned excitedly towards her. “You know how soon we’ll have to change to our winter uniforms?”

“Yes?” Gou answered, not sure about where the conversation was heading.

“Well, that means that summer is almost officially over,” Nagisa continued. “As a way to celebrate our last summer together, we should all do something. And by all I mean Rin-chan and Ai-chan too!”

“Oh! That sounds like fun! Any ideas?” Gou exclaimed turning to the other boys.

“Well, for summer, it’s obvious,” Rei started in a matter-of-factly tone and pushing his glasses up. “We should go to a summer festival!”

“But, Rei-chan, there are no more summer festivals for this year,” Nagisa clarified. Rei looked slightly offended.

“Hmmm, when I think summer, I always think of camping,” Makoto offered.

“Um, no offense Makoto-senpai, but I wouldn’t want to go camping…again,” Gou said, laughing a little.

Haru had his head turned towards the ocean, taking in one of the last scenes of his favorite view during his favorite season.

Nagisa noticed this and exclaimed: “Haru-chan has the right idea! We should have a beach day!”

“Oh, yeah! The water should still be warm enough to go swimming,” Makoto seconded.

“Of course!” Rei added. “Why didn’t I think of it…”

“Sounds perfect!” Gou said excitedly. “When should we do it?”

“It’s September now, so as soon as possible,” Nagisa pondered. “That means it should be this weekend!”

“I can do this weekend,” Rei said.

“Me too,” Gou agreed.

All three second years turned to look expectantly at their third-year members. Knowing how busy Makoto was with studying, Haru, and the others, knew the final decision rested with him.

“Hmm, I think I have time for a beach day this weekend,” Makoto said. Haru nodded in agreement. Any chance to go in the water was okay with him.

“Hooray!” Nagisa and Gou shouted simultaneously, and Rei looked very pleased.

“I’ll tell my brother about it!” Gou said.

Makoto was smiling fondly at their juniors talking excitedly with each other, and it was enough of a sight to draw Haru’s eyes away from the glistening ocean. Haru loved the beach, and he liked being there with friends, but he would have been lying if he said he wasn’t most excited to be spending the day near Makoto. The ocean always seemed to have some kind of special significance for the two of them, and if there was a chance of something happening between them any time soon, it might be at the beach.

Although, on second thought, Haru didn’t much like the idea of confessing his love in front of all their friends.

~Tuesday~

The sun was setting as Makoto and Haru made their way towards the stone steps leading up to their homes. Today, just like the day before, Makoto stayed back afterschool in order to take advantage of the quiet library to do some studying. He was sure if he’d ask, Haru would let him come over every afternoon, but Makoto didn’t want to become a nuisance. But today Haru also stayed afterschool, having one of the last swims of the year in the pool before it got too cold for use and they had to drain it.

‘They’ meaning Gou, Nagisa, and Rei. Haru and Makoto retired officially from the swim club, but they still spent some afternoons at the pool. And of course Haru’s been there almost every day for the past couple of weeks. It was good, because now they could walk home together, something Makoto truly loved doing.

The two boys started ascending the stairs, when suddenly Ran and Ren burst from Makoto’s house onto the staircase. It was, in no small sense of the word, an ambush.

“Haru-chan! Would you like to have dinner with us?” shouted the twins simultaneously, huge smiles plastered on their faces. Makoto laughed and looked at Haru.

Both teenagers had jumped a little at the arrival and outburst (Makoto more so, but no one was really surprised at that), and Makoto could tell Haru was probably a little shocked. But when he looked at Haru’s face, Haru was smiling. Haru nodded and walked over to twins, giving them the opportunity to promptly latch onto the swimmer and drag him toward the house. Makoto laughed and followed them inside.

“Sorry, Haru,” Makoto said when he and Haru were taking their shoes off at the entrance. “I didn’t know they were going to ambush you like that.”

“It’s okay,” Haru said.

“Mom! Haru-chan’s here!” the two heard the twins announce as they walked to the kitchen, where they found Makoto’s mother cooking.

“Hello, boys,” greeted his mother, cheerful as always. “It’s nice to see you, Haruka-kun. It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, it has,” Haru replied, glancing towards the floor. Makoto’s mother just smiled more.

“Mom, isn’t it a bit early for dinner?” asked Makoto.

“Well, you see, that’s the thing,” she started. Makoto suspected his mother had an ulterior motive and used the twins to do her bidding. “Your father and I got invited out by some friends tonight, so I was preparing this for you guys to eat since we’ll be gone. Although I didn’t plan on the twins dragging Haruka-kun into babysitting duty.”

“No, it’s fine. I don’t mind,” Haru said somewhat eagerly.

It surprised Makoto, but thrilled Ran and Ran, who then proceeded to lure Haru to the living room to play with them while they waited for dinner to be ready. He was going to ponder it more, but noticed his mother beckoning Makoto over to where she was.

“Is it okay for Haru to be over?” she asked Makoto when he was close enough for the three in the living room not to hear.

“Yeah,” he replied. “I mean, we have homework to do, but we can do that later. Why wouldn’t it?”

“Oh, no reason. I was just wondering,” she answered. Makoto wished he knew what she meant by that.

Sure, things had been a little strained with Haru a few weeks ago, but they were good now. Better than good. Haru has been more attentive and openly friendly in the past two weeks than he ever has years prior. Makoto just thought Haru was trying to be a better friend, feeling guilty for not being so in the past. But now he was starting to wonder if there was something else to account for this change in his best friend, because the new behaviors have been getting stranger and stranger.

First, there were the far off looks. Haru was usually always tuning out and looking off somewhere, most likely in the direction of a body of water. But this was different. It’s like he was thinking about something in particular, not just imagining himself swimming instead of doing what he was supposed to be doing, like taking notes.

Then there was the watching. Haru usually watches Makoto, waiting for the chance of their eyes meeting so he could convey some sort of message to him. But now when Makoto felt Haru’s eyes on him and looked over at him, Haru would quickly direct his blue eyes somewhere else.

And then the faces. The faces were amusing, but confusing. Looks of surprise, panic, and, Makoto couldn’t believe it sometimes, sheepishness, were all new expressions he has never seen his usually expressionless friend show before. Whatever it was that was making Haru act like this, Makoto had never experienced it before, and from the way Haru was handling it, neither has he. It was for this reason that Makoto couldn’t figure out what was happening with Haru.

Nagisa tells everyone that Makoto can read Haru’s mind, and everyone believes it after seeing the childhood friends interact with each other. But it was simply that Makoto just knew Haru really, really well. Well enough that he could recognize what every facial expression, or lack thereof, meant, or predict how Haru would react to something, or what he would think of something. Makoto had understanding Haru down to an art. That’s why this different Haru was so confusing.

Makoto had thought that something happening with Rin was the cause; after, thankfully, finding out that wasn’t the reason, Makoto didn’t even know where to begin.

He’s probably just nervous about the whole college thing, Makoto told himself. Then again, he’s never known Haru to get nervous, and even if he has, it was never in this way.

Makoto walked to the living room and plopped down on the couch, watching the twins try to teach Haru the new DS game they got.

Here were the small, gentle, acquiescing smiles he was used to seeing Haru give the twins. What Makoto thinks Ran and Ren liked best about Haru, other than him pretty much letting them do whatever they wanted with him, was that he didn’t treat them like babies. He always treated them like equals, talking to them and listening to what they had to say as if it were completely valid (and to be honest, some of the things the twins spouted were the most invalid things ever).

A couple hours later, after eating dinner and when the Tachibana parents were long gone, the four of them were in Makoto’s bedroom doing various homework assignments. Haru was on the bed, lying on his stomach with his assignment in front of him. Makoto was sitting on the floor at the small table in the middle of his room, while the Ran and Ren kneeled around it. Makoto had finished some of his homework earlier at the school library, and now that he had no more to do, he was helping the twins with theirs. The current assignment required that they cut pictures out of magazines and paste them to a poster, so Makoto browsed for things they could use while supervising the cutting activities.

Makoto was just thinking that the twins were probably old enough to be trusted with scissors when Ren suddenly yelped.

“Ren!” exclaimed Makoto. “Are you okay?”

“Onii-chan! I think I cut myself!” Ren cried, tears starting to form in his eyes. Makoto jumped up and rushed Ren to the bathroom, practically carrying him most of the way.

Makoto shuffled around under the sink in search of band aids or a first aid kit while Ren sat on the toilet and cried, saying how much it hurt and stung and how he was going to die. Makoto then checked the medicine cabinet, only to come to the conclusion that the bandages were not where they were supposed to be.

“Ran!” Makoto yelled with all the authority he could muster. “Where are the band aids?”

After no reply, he was about to go out in search of them himself when he ran right smack into Haru at the door, box of band aids in hand. For a few seconds Makoto was frozen with shock, from the extremely close physical contact to Haru’s body and from surprise at meeting him there with the band aids. Fortunately, Haru could still function properly and moved around Makoto to rush to Ren and help with his wound.

“Ran said the band aids were in one of the cupboards in the kitchen, so I ran downstairs to get them,” Haru explained as he put a bright orange bandage on Ren’s finger.

Now that crisis had been averted, Makoto could feel just how fast his heart was pounding. Going into damage-control-mode always took a toll on him, which wasn’t good considering how many times he had to do it. He walked over to Ren and ruffled his hair and wiped stray tears from his face, happy to see that the tears had stopped and he was okay.

“Thanks, Haru,” Makoto said, smiling gratefully at him.

Haru turned his head to the side with a quiet, “No problem.”

Ran was peeking inside the crowded bathroom from the door, and as they shuffled out she took her twin’s uninjured hand in hers and asked if he was okay. Makoto tried not to laugh as Ren puffed out his chest and said, “Of course I’m okay. It’s just like a scratch anyway.”

But his sister was no fool, and told Ren that she never heard of anyone cutting themselves with scissors and that kindergarteners were better at using them than Ren. Bickering ensued, which Makoto had to break up, proving that things were already back to normal.

They all returned to the room and resumed their assignments, except this time Makoto was in charge of cutting things out.

It was after 9 o’clock when Makoto was walking Haru out the door, having successfully gotten the twins into bed and finishing the night without further incident.

“Thanks for helping babysit,” Makoto said walking outside with Haru.

Haru just shrugged, turning his face away.

“Sorry it was so chaotic tonight,” Makoto said with a laugh.

“It’s fine. I really don’t mind,” Haru said, slowly turning his head to look up at Makoto.

Here was a new expression.

If Makoto didn’t know any better, he would say it looked a lot like longing. Their eyes met, and they held the gaze for a while, Makoto trying to discover what was lying in the deep blue depths that was Haruka Nanase, Haru seemingly searching for something else.

And then he was turning away and walking up the stairs to his house.

Makoto stood there outside in the darkness, trying to process what just happened. As he went back to his own house, the only thing he could conclude was that maybe he didn’t know Haru as well as he thought he did.

~Wednesday~

“Are you sure it’s really okay for us to be here?” Makoto asked Rin for the umpteenth time as the red-haired swimmer led his friends from Iwatobi High School into the building that housed Samezuka’s indoor pool.

“Makoto. For the last time. Yes,” Rin answered, clearly getting fed up with his friend’s worries. “Ex-Captains get a lot of perks, and using the pool is one of them.”

“But-”

“And I’m sure the current captain won’t mind at all,” Rin said, interrupting another protest of Makoto’s. “Plus, we can just say it’s a joint practice if any teachers come by.”

“Yeah, Mako-chan! It’s fine!” Nagisa said and attaching himself to his much taller friend. “You didn’t have anything against sneaking in here without permission that one time, why shouldn’t it be fine now?”

“I didn’t want to sneak in that time!”

“Ehhh, you never said so!”

“Just because swimming season is over doesn’t mean we can’t have joint practices anymore,” Rei reasoned. “Plus, I trust Rin-san will do his utmost best to not let us get in trouble.”

It was true that swimming season was over for high schools, but the Samezuka swim team, like any other swim team, was continuing with training even as the weather got cooler, albeit with the advantage of their own indoor swimming pool.

Rin had asked if the Iwatobi swimmers, including the retirees, wanted to come by for an unofficial joint practice. And they would also have a chance to discuss plans for their upcoming beach day on Saturday. The group walked into the natatorium to hears the familiar sounds of whistles blowing, water splashing, and swimmers shouting, proving that the off-season and change in captains hadn’t slowed down the Samezuka Swim Team any. Nitori could be seen surrounded by what appeared to be eager first year members hanging on his every word as he gave them directions for their training that day.

As the rest of the team walked over to the benches to put their stuff down, Rin held Haru back. Makoto glanced back, but Rin shooed him off in the direction of the pool, claiming to want to discuss university stuff with Haru.

Once Makoto was out of earshot, Haru harshly said to Rin, “Don’t say stuff like that to him.”

“Stuff like what?” Rin responded, brow furrowing. “Shit, Haru, weren’t you the one who wanted to talk to me?”

Haru turned his face to the side and said quietly, “I don’t want him to feel left out.”

Rin sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “Whatever. But you really do need to decide on where you want to go.”

“I have decided.”

“What?!” Rin yelled out in response. Everyone in the room turned to look at them. Rin just grinned and dragged Haru over to the empty observation area so they could speak in private.

“Where did you decide? You can’t just drop that without any preamble!” Rin exclaimed.

Haru explained to Rin that he was going to a university in Tokyo with a top swimming program, sounding as excited as was possible for Haru.

“Oh man, that’s great Haru!” Rin said, genuinely happy for his friend. Then, while suggestively raising his eyebrows and grinning, he playfully elbowed Haru in the side and said, “Must be nice, going to the same city as Makoto.”

Haru looked away and Rin could have sworn there was a slight blush dusting the stoic swimmer’s cheeks. Haru mumbled something quietly.

“Hah? Didn’t catch that,” Rin said.

Haru huffed, and a little louder, but still very quiet, mumbled again, “It would be nicer if we were together…”

“Well, it’s your own damn fault for letting this go on so long unresolved!” Rin responded.

“I was thinking, maybe this weekend, at the beach…” Haru said, sounding and looking more hopeful than Rin had ever seen him.

“Whoa, Haru, who knew you were such a romantic,” Rin winked and grinned at him. “Don’t worry, I’ll give you some pointers for how to handle it.”

Haru sighed in relief, glad he’d have some support for Saturday.

“Oh, have you told Makoto about going to Tokyo?” Rin asked.

Haru turned his head away again, but this time looking a little sheepish.

“Oh for the love of-, Haru! You have to tell him! Preferably before you tell me! He’s your best friend!” Rin ranted.

“I know, I was going to tell him, but I didn’t know how to bring it up,” Haru said. “I’ll tell him on Saturday.”

As Haru was speaking, Rin happened to glance out the windows looking out to the pool only to see Sousuke glaring at the room, and presumably at the two boys inside it.

“Okay, but for now let’s get back out there before someone thinks we’re up to something indecent,” Rin said, moving towards the door.

~Thursday~

Sitting in his living room with the sound of Makoto’s pencil scratching on paper and the faint smell of grilled mackerel intermixing with the rather cool sea breeze coming through the open shoji doors had Haru feeling very at ease.

Both he and Makoto had come to his house after school, and both boys were doing homework. Makoto was also planning on doing some entrance exam prep work, and Haru offered his house as study space, knowing it was a much more comfortable place to be rather than the school library.

They were quiet, as per usual. Nothing was out of the ordinary. Haru thought he wouldn’t want it any other way.

Although, had they swum earlier in the afternoon it would have been better.

But in this moment, Haru didn’t want to be anywhere else, and was grateful that he got to spend moments like this with Makoto.

Makoto was currently concentrating very intensely on his work. Something that Haru should also be doing. But instead he opted to gaze at his best friend. Fortunately, Makoto was focused enough on his work not to notice Haru’s gaze. Haru kept telling himself to look away at something else before Makoto inevitably noticed (and he would, of course, he always did), but he just couldn’t tear his eyes away from the boy he’d known practically his whole life.

The corners of his lips started to lift as he thought that he would still get to experience the next few years of his life with the same boy.

Haru leaned over and grabbed his open sketchbook lying by the door, wanting to preserve this particular moment in time. His high school days were going to be over soon, and although he knew this probably wouldn’t be one of the last times Makoto sat in his living room doing homework (and that this similar situation would most likely recur in Tokyo), he still wanted immortalize this time, in his favorite place, with his most favorite person in the world.

Makoto glanced up with Haru’s movement, and smiled to himself when he saw what his friend was doing. He didn’t know what he was so worried about concerning Haru. Haru was still Haru, and as long as that remained true, Makoto would be happy.

~Friday~

Earlier at lunch, Nagisa had talked everyone’s ears off about the upcoming beach day. Even Rei, who never complained about Nagisa’s chatter, looked a bit like he wanted to put duct tape over the excited blond’s mouth. But you couldn’t really blame him; he was excited for their last beach hurrah. And as it always happened, his excitement rubbed off on his friends, leading them to forgive any annoyance with him in exchange for joining in with his confabulation.

But right now Makoto was tired. He put extra time into his studies earlier in the week so he would be free for the weekend. He even stayed after school today in the library to do his homework, knowing the temptation to nap would be too great at Haru’s house. And the twins wouldn’t give him time to nap anyway.

Said twins were again lying in wait to ambush their older brother and Haru as they climbed up the steps to their homes.

“Onii-chan! Haru-chan! Okaeri!” the twins shouted in unison.

Makoto laughed at their enthusiasm and answered, “Tadaima” as the twins bounded towards the older boys. The entire week the twins had been enthusiastically welcoming Makoto home after school, and while he knew it was because they didn’t want him to leave, he still enjoyed the attention.

“Onii-chan, wouldn’t tonight be the perfect night for a sleepover?” Ran said, looking up expectantly at Makoto.

“Yeah! Onii-chan said we could have a sleepover with you, Haru-chan!” Ren exclaimed.

 “Sleepover?” Haru repeated. Makoto nervously chuckled and scratched the back of his head.

Makoto was just about to tell his siblings that tonight might not be the best night for a sleepover since they were going to have a busy day tomorrow when Haru agreed to spend the night.

A few hours later, as promised, the four of them were in the process of turning the living room into a giant pillow fort. Everyone was fed and showered, and ready to spend the rest of the night playing games.

Earlier Haru had gone back to his house to quickly grab some clothes for the night and to wear tomorrow for the beach. The sight of Haru’s blue beach towel with the dolphins on it prompted the twins to ask if they were going to the beach on Saturday, and after finding out that the older boys were in fact going to the beach with all their other friends, Ran and Ren begged their older brother to let them come. Makoto didn’t want to say no and hurt their feelings, but he wasn’t sure everyone would want the twins there. He hadn’t voiced it aloud, but Haru could tell what he was thinking and said that it would be alright if the twins came. After all, they were going to be fairly close to the house. And everyone adored Makoto’s siblings.

After knowing the Tachibana family his whole life, he thought it would be impossible for anyone to dislike a single member of the notoriously pleasant family.

And so the night went on, laughter and general happiness exuding from the fort made to block out the rest of the world. Inside the fort, the twins forgot about how their beloved big brother and adored adoptive brother would be leaving them, Makoto forgot about his fears of being separated from his best friend, and Haru almost forgot that tomorrow was going to be the day he confessed his love to his best friend.

Pretty late into the night, Ren and Ran were asleep between Haru and Makoto, having finally worn themselves out from the evening’s activities. Makoto could feel sleep threatening to take him, but noticed Haru watching him.

“Sorry for letting the twins drag you into this, Haru,” Makoto said. He always apologized for letting Haru get caught up in the twins’ antics, even though he knew Haru really didn’t mind.

Haru just huffed, and Makoto closed his eyes, thinking it would end there. But then he heard Haru quietly murmur, “I had fun.”

Makoto smiled brightly at the other boy, causing him to look away in slight embarrassment. By the time Haru looked back at Makoto, he was already asleep, face as peaceful and beautiful as always.

For reasons Haru could not explain, and maybe would never be able to explain, he always loved watching Makoto sleep. Whether it was when Makoto dozed off in the afternoons or the times in the morning when Haru would awaken before Makoto when he slept over, Haru enjoyed watching his friend sleep.

Haru closed his eyes, thinking that he needed to get some sleep too for tomorrow. He thought his nerves for tomorrow would prevent him from that goal, but before he knew it he joined the other three and was fast asleep.

Chapter Text

Bright and early Saturday morning brought slightly uncontrolled mayhem to the Tachibana house. Makoto was in charge of getting the twins ready for the day while Haru offered to help Makoto’s mother with food preparation for their excursion. The twins couldn’t decide which toys to bring with them to the beach, and if it weren’t for their older brother’s intervention, they would have brought everything in their arsenal of beach paraphernalia.

Soon enough, the group of four were heading down the shrine steps towards the stretch of beach that they had known their whole lives. Everyone had agreed to meet at 11 o’clock in order to maximize the amount of time spent at the beach, while also allowing for some sleeping in and travel time.

The twins were, needless to say, ecstatic to be spending the day with all the older kids. It wasn’t often that they got to hang out with their big brother’s friends, and especially not all day at the beach. So no one was surprised when they excitedly bounded down the beach at the sight of Rei, Nagisa, and Gou, with Hana in tow, making their way towards the shore.

Not a long while after they were joined by their Samezuka friends, Rin having roped Sousuke into coming along, and Momotarou having invited himself when Ai mentioned that Gou would be there, and their beach gathering was well under way.

Haru was reveling in the proximity to the ocean. His closest friends’ presence only heightened his joy. After noticing Haru constantly glancing at the water and knowing how much restraint his friend must be exercising to prevent himself from launching straight into to ocean, Makoto suggested that they all go in the water.

Rin promptly issued a challenge, saying that the last one in the water had to treat everyone to ice cream later. Unfortunately, the girls had yet to take off their beach cover-ups (and since Gou is so unathletic) and were the last in the water, and after making a big deal of it and Gou complaining about her brother’s unfairness,  Rin sadly resigned himself to buying the ice cream later.

Sousuke couldn’t stop snickering, leading Rin to splash the salty water at him. Soon they were all splashing each other laughing, except for Haru, who was floating off to the side, simply enjoying the feeling of being surrounded by water. Of course, that didn’t stop Rin and Nagisa from stalking over and bombarding him with water. 

The water was a bit cooler than it would have been had it been the middle of summer, but it was a perfectly cloudless day, and the sun made it warm enough for everyone to enjoy themselves.

The twins started showing off their doggy-paddle swimming technique to Rei, who tried to copy it, if only to see if there was another “stroke” he could swim, and after failing, Ran took it upon herself to be his personal instructor for the day while Ren was a most dedicated motivator. Eventually Makoto had to free Rei from the clutches of his siblings, but then they begged their brother to play Chicken Fight.

“Chicken Fight? Where did you hear about that?” Makoto asked them, knowing that was a popular water game in America.

“From someone at school,” Ran answered.

“They said it’s really fun!” Ren added.

Makoto wanted to say no, afraid of someone getting hurt, but he couldn’t say no to the pair of pleading eyes imploring him to indulge in their wish. He agreed and Ren dragged Haru over to play with them. It was Makoto and Ran vs. Haru and Ren, with the twins on the older boys’ shoulders. The more competitive duo of Ran and Makoto one, to which Ren said only happened because, “Onii-chan is much taller than Haru-chan,” making Haru slightly pout.

Thus he was rather motivated to claim some victory when Rin challenged him and Makoto to go up against himself and Sousuke. A most fierce battle ensued, with the twins cheering on their brother and Haru, Gou and Ai cheering on Rin and Sousuke, and Nagisa cheering for absolute carnage. But after a while, Haru thought he would rather be submerged in the water again and pitched himself backwards to fall back into the water, dragging Makoto with him. Rin crowed victory and offered to fight someone else, but when Nagisa turned excitedly to Rei, Rei shot him down, saying “It’s not beautiful.”

Later in the day after they all, for the most part, got out of the water to relax, Rin decided that he would go get the ice cream. Sousuke was going to go with him and help carry the fare, but the twins wanted to go so they could choose their own ice cream. Makoto got up to go with them, but Rin stopped him.

“Don’t worry, Makoto, I’ve got this covered,” Rin assured him. “We’ll make sure they stay out of trouble.”

“Okay, if you don’t mind,” Makoto said. And then to the twins said, “Make sure you don’t leave them, alright? And be good.”

“Yes, Onii-chan!” Ren and Ran shouted in unison. Ran immediately grabbed Rin’s hand, and everyone watched as Ren looked up at the tall figure of Sousuke. Next thing they knew, Sousuke offered his hand for Ren to take, which he gladly did. The four of them went off in the direction of the nearest convenience store, but not before Rin gave Haru a pointed look.

Haru looked around from where he was sitting on their towels under an umbrella. Rei had dozed off and Nagisa was in the process of finding a marker to draw with. Gou and Hana were walking along the shore looking for seashells, and Momo was running eagerly towards them, carrying one of the twins sand pails, while Ai chased after him, a look of slight horror on his face. There weren’t very many people on the beach even though it was the weekend. Haru thought maybe if they walked a little further down he and Makoto would be mostly alone. It was then that he noticed Makoto looking at him. Evidently he had noticed the look Rin gave him and was giving Haru a questioning look.

Haru was just about to ask if Makoto wanted to go for a walk, when they heard screeches. Apparently Momo had found a bunch of crabs and wanted to show Gou, but in his excitement he tripped, sending the bucket full of very alive and antagonized crabs flying towards the girls. Makoto quickly got up and went to go make sure everyone was okay while Nagisa followed, camera in hand.

Haru sighed and laid back on the towel. He had been enjoying himself too much earlier and didn’t think about how he was going to get Makoto by himself long enough for them to talk. For some reason he had thought he would be able to have time with just him and Makoto, but Haru slowly realized that he and Makoto were not alone nearly as much of the time Haru thought they were. There were times when they would be with their friends when Haru and Makoto would talk to each other, or even just sit next to each other, and make Haru feel like it was just the two of them.

Haru was slightly disturbed that he could be so easily disregard his surroundings when he was with Makoto, but at the same time he wasn’t surprised. Many times he lived in a world of his own. And many times he would only let Makoto be a part of it. Makoto brought so much peace and stability to Haru; he couldn’t imagine living without him. If there was anything Haru was sure of, it was that he always wanted to be by Makoto’s side.

Haru’s thoughts of Makoto put him very much at ease, and before he knew it someone was gently shaking him awake.

“Haru, the ice cream’s here,” he heard Makoto say to him.

Haru opened his eyes to see Makoto looking down at him, humor lighting his eyes. He also noticed the twins giggling off to the side. Makoto saw where Haru’s eyes were looking and sighed.

“I’m really sorry, Haru,” Makoto sounded remorseful. “But Nagisa got to you while you were sleeping. Before I realized what he was doing it was too late.”

Haru wasn’t sure he knew what Makoto was talking about, but if Nagisa was involved it was enough to make him slightly concerned.

“What are you talking about, Mako-chan,” Nagisa came into view. “Haru-chan looks so cute with his dolphin drawing!”

“Yeah, except for the fact that the dolphin looks fucking ridiculous,” Rin snickered.

Haru sat up and noticed Rei was sporting a drawing of a butterfly with an outrageous smile on its face, and assumed the dolphin on his face had a similar expression.

“I’m sorry, Haru!” Makoto apologized again. “I was going to clean it off of you, but I didn’t want to wake you…”

The sound of Makoto’s voice and his touch as he tried to wipe off the offending drawing made it so that Haru couldn’t find it in himself to be even a little mad at their blond friend, although Rei looked like his pride was a little hurt. You would have thought by now he would know not to fall asleep around Nagisa.

The ice cream was distributed and they all ate it quickly. Nagisa offered Rei a taste of his strawberry shortcake flavored ice cream, and when Rei took a bite everyone knew he had already forgiven Nagisa.

They continued to have more fun afterwards, but as it got later a cool autumnal breeze started blowing, making almost everyone slightly chilly. They all didn’t want to part just yet, so everyone gathered up the stuff and decided to move the party to Haru’s house.

On the way up the shrine steps, Makoto’s mother intercepted them and told the twins it was time to leave the older kids alone. They yawned as they protested, but eventually agreed to say goodbye for now, the day spent in the sun having exhausted them.

Once at Haru’s house, the camera was broken out and Gou and Nagisa showed everyone the pictures from the day, with people requesting certain ones they definitely wanted printed out. Haru was in the kitchen making tea for everyone when Rin entered.

“I can’t believe you fell asleep while we were away,” he joked. “Need any help?”

“You can cut the watermelon,” Haru answered.

“I meant, do you need help getting Makoto alone?” Rin clarified, rolling his eyes. He went over to where Haru gestured and whacked the watermelon open. He was met with silence.

“Haru…”

“I’ll wait for everyone to leave.”

Rin sighed and grabbed a plate to arrange the watermelon slices on.

“Do you know what you’re going to say?”

“I’ll just…tell him how I feel.”

“Okay. And don’t forget to tell him about Tokyo.”

Haru looked at Rin like he was stupid. “I won’t.” How could he, it’s been all he’s been thinking about for the past few days.

Sousuke stuck his head into the kitchen. “Uh, Nanase. You wouldn’t happen to have any croquettes here?”

Haru shook his head and Rin snorted. Leave it to Sousuke to forget about his Haru-aversion in the pursuit of fried food.

“He told me about your little afternoon together back in middle school,” Rin said once Sousuke went away. “He couldn’t stop talking about the croquettes and how good they were.”

Haru started grabbing some teacups. The both of them walked out of the kitchen and distributed the refreshments to everyone. They spent the next hour or so chatting and enjoying the late afternoon with each other.

Haru was sitting next to Makoto at the small table in the living room. Like usual, Haru wasn’t really contributing much to the conversation, only answering when spoken. Makoto would always fill in the space Haru couldn’t. Haru was sitting close enough to Makoto to feel the warmth emanating from his body. That combined with afternoon lethargy made Haru very sleepy, and without thinking too much about it, he leaned to the side and rested his head on Makoto’s shoulder, closing his eyes.

Makoto was a little surprised to feel his childhood friend leaning on him, since Haru rarely ever initiated physical contact. But he figured Haru must be tired from the day’s activities, and probably from staying up late the night before with the twins. He let Haru rest there, against his body, glad that Haru felt comfortable enough to do that, especially in front of everyone else.

Makoto continued talking with everyone, and Haru could feel the vibrations reverberating through Makoto’s body when he spoke. Haru always loved the way Makoto’s voice sounded. It was so calm and gentle, but still strong and steady. And when Makoto said his name, it felt like his voice would wrap around his brain and push out any thoughts other than Makoto. While Haru always heard Makoto’s voice, this was the first time he was feeling it, realizing there was a physical aspect to the sound. It made him feel so much closer to Makoto, like he now knew a part of Makoto that maybe Makoto himself didn’t even realize he had.

Haru opened his eyes and was looking down at Makoto’s lap, where his left hand was resting on his knee. Haru slid his right arm underneath Makoto’s left, and with both hands began playing with Makoto’s hand. For half a second, Makoto stiffened, but then quickly relaxed, unfazed by Haru’s behavior. Haru knew Makoto was indulging him and wouldn’t pull away. He didn’t care that he was practically hugging his best friend’s arm, or that there were a lot of people in the room. He was enjoying himself far too much to care.

He ran his fingers over Makoto’s hand, feeling how hard the skin was and how strong it was from all the labor Makoto put it through, noticing how much larger and less delicate it was than his own hand.

“Haru,” Makoto said softly, in his sweet, sweet voice, and Haru looked up at him while Makoto simultaneously flipped his hand over and interlocked it with Haru’s right hand. They looked at each other, both searching for assurance that this was alright, both wanting to know what the other was thinking, and knowing, deep down but not fully acknowledging, that what they were feeling was the same for both of them.

They heard someone clear their throat, and people talking, but they weren’t addressing Haru or Makoto. Haru wasn’t sure if it had been silent the past couple of minutes or if his brain just blocked out all the sound that wasn’t Makoto.

“Hana and I should go before it gets too dark,” Gou stated, starting to stand up.

“We’ll walk you guys home,” Rin said, nodding at his fellow Samezuka classmates, letting them know it was time to go.

“We should probably go too, Nagisa-kun,” Rei said after Rin nudged him with his elbow.

“Right, Rei-chan,” Nagisa said with a wink.

Makoto and Haru got up to walk their friends to the door and thanked them for hanging out. The others thanked Haru for his hospitality (even if he stopped paying attention to them towards the end) and they promised to get together another day in the future.

Before Haru closed the door, he saw Rin giving him a very meaningful look, and then he made a very rude gesture with his fingers that he hoped to god Makoto didn’t see.

“I’ll stay and help you clean up,” Makoto said, even though he didn’t need to. Makoto always stayed after to help.

They brought the dishes into the kitchen. Makoto offered to wash while Haru dried, and they completed the task in comfortable silence. As Haru was finishing drying up, Makoto went back into the living area to check for any more things needing to be cleaning. Haru finished tidying up the kitchen and went to the living room.

Earlier they had opened to shoji doors to let the breeze in, and now you could see that the sun was setting. Makoto was sitting on the small porch right outside the doors, his legs hanging off the edge. The familiar white cat that Makoto loved was sitting next to him, stomach exposed and getting her belly scratched by the boy who could never say no to her. The golden light shone all over Makoto but created a silhouette from where Haru was standing, and it made Makoto look more otherworldly than human.

Haru went over and sat down next to him, the white cat between them. She barely acknowledged Haru, since she was also very familiar with him too, having had meals and a warm place to sleep at the dark haired swimmer’s house countless times.

“I’m going to miss this,” Makoto said.

“Hmm,” Haru intoned in agreement, while also encouraging Makoto to go on, knowing something was on his mind.

“I’m going to miss afternoons like this,” Makoto elaborated. “I’m going to miss seeing our friends and hanging out with them. I’m going to miss my home and our town.”

Then, playfully ruffling the cat’s fur, added, “I’m going to miss this silly kitty.”

She got up after that, a little miffed at having her white coat fluffed up, and jumped down from the porch to go somewhere else and groom herself.

Makoto chuckled as he watched her go off.

“But I think, most of all, I’ll miss you,” Makoto said quietly. “We do everything together, Haru. I honestly don’t know what I’ll do without you in Tokyo.”

Haru’s pace quickened. He knew Makoto was showing a vulnerability. This was his chance to let Makoto know it would be okay. He just had to come out and say it already. He didn’t know why it was so hard to tell his best friend. Perhaps it was a fear of rejection, but Haru knew Makoto wouldn’t reject him. He trusted Makoto. It would be okay.

“…Maybe you won’t miss me as much as you think,” Haru stated. Makoto gave Haru a slightly confused look. Haru mentally kicked himself because that wasn’t how he wanted it to come out.

“Because,” he quickly continued. “I also…I am…I decided. Where I want to go.”

Makoto’s eyes widened, but he remained silent, giving Haru the chance to say what he wanted.

“I’m going to university in Tokyo, too,” Haru finally said. A huge wave of relief washed over him as he saw Makoto’s expression brighten.

“Haru!” Makoto exclaimed. “That’s amazing! I’m so happy for you! Are you excited?”

Haru nodded. Makoto’s smile widened. This is what he wanted for Haru.

“I’m so glad,” Makoto said warmly. “What made you decide to go there?”

Haru shifted uncomfortably, his pace picking up. He didn’t know how to tell Makoto why he wanted to go to Tokyo without blurting out his deep love for his friend. But then again, isn’t that what he wanted? This was it. Now was the moment.

“Well…,” Haru started. He hoped his voice wouldn’t shake. He leaned closer to Makoto, knowing he wasn’t going to be able to make his voice loud. “There are many reasons why.”

Makoto gave him an encouraging nod.

“The school is good. They have a good swimming program. And I want to go to Tokyo. To broaden my worldview.”

Makoto nodded again, thinking those were good reasons for going to Tokyo. He tried not to think about how excited he was that they would both be going, and what a relief it was that he wasn’t going to lose Haru. This was about Haru, not him.

“But also,” Haru said, throat suddenly dry. He swallowed and continued. “I want to go. With you. I want to be where you are.”

This made Makoto freeze and eyes widen again, but much larger than before. Was Haru saying what he thought he was saying?

“I want…to be with you,” Haru said, leaning closer again and looking Makoto in the eyes. “Makoto, I…”

Makoto didn’t realize that he had also been leaning closer to Haru, and at the sudden proximity of Haru’s face he noticed how close to each other they were. He could see Haru’s eyes so clearly. So deep and blue, deeper and bluer than the ocean ever could be. He could see that Haru was scared, but also that he trusted Makoto. He could see how honest Haru was being, how vulnerable for telling Makoto his feelings. And he could see the hopefulness in his eyes, the hope that Makoto would understand, that he would feel the same way too.

“Haru…” Makoto said softly. He was going to try something, something he’d wanted to do for years. He moved closer still, until their foreheads were touching. He heard Haru take in a sharp breath, but the other boy didn’t move away.

Makoto slowly moved his face closer to Haru, giving his friend the chance to stop this if he didn’t want. He noticed that Haru had closed his eyes and did the same. Then his lips pressed against Haru’s.

The kiss was soft and simple, yet tender and full of emotion. Warmth flooded their bodies, starting at where their lips met and moving down to the tips of their toes. Haru had thought his heart would beat right out of his chest when this happened, but instead it was strong and steady. Makoto couldn’t reason why he’d waited so long to do this, when it felt so right to be kissing Haru.

“Haru…,” Makoto breathed against Haru’s lips, and Haru pressed his lips to him more firmly. Makoto moved his hand to cup the side of Haru’s face.

The kiss felt like it lasted forever, and after breaking apart they lingered there, faces still close and simply enjoying being so close to one another.

“I…love you,” Haru whispered, bringing his hand up to caress Makoto’s face.

“Oh, Haru,” Makoto felt tears come to his eyes. “I love you, too. I’ve always…”

“Shhh…,” Haru quieted Makoto when it sounded like his voice was going to break. He put his arms around Makoto and held him against himself as his life-long best friend returned the hug.

“I thought you’d never feel the same way,” Makoto whispered against Haru’s head. Haru held Makoto tighter and lightly kissed his cheek, knowing he had the same worry.

“Sorry I took so long,” Haru whispered back.

“I was ready to let you go,” Makoto said quietly. He pulled back to look Haru in the eyes. Who was he kidding? He could never let this boy go. Haru simply leaned back into Makoto, knowing he didn’t need to say anything else. Makoto knew. They would never need to let go of each other.

They sat like that until the sun was well gone, leaning on each other, arms wrapped around one another, soaking up all the feelings they’ve always felt but never said aloud. Occasionally Makoto would kiss the top of Haru’s head. Haru felt like he was drifting in the ocean, caught in a steady motion that made him feel completely at ease.

They both always knew they belonged together. And they would always be together. Always and forever.