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Chapter Text

The slender frame of the brown-haired boy was unsteady as he stood outside the bedroom door. The edge of his sweater clutched in a death grip. As if that held a fragile tether to the reality unfolding right then.

“I’m sorry…”

“Jeongguk… don’t…” the boy whispered. Voice paper thin.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You…you deserve better, trust me you do.”

“Jeongguk-ah, don’t please. Please…!” the first note of desperation creeping into the usually sweet voice. He was now taking unsteady steps towards the front door. Right hand outstretched in a plea. The door to the apartment opened and an eager gust of ice-cold air gleefully hit like a ton of bricks.

“I’m sorry Jimin…I…”

The sentence remained unfinished as two bags worth of luggage was picked up and taken out briskly by its owner. Walking farther away and disappearing round the corner without a backward glance. Leaving the door of the now hollow apartment ajar, to the onslaught of the unforgiving wind.

The brown-haired boy fell down on his knees like a feeble house of cards as a tiny sob escaped along with a name, still cradled on his tongue like a reverent prayer.

“Jeongguk…”

-

1 Year Ago…

Jeongguk met Jimin four weeks before Christmas on a bus.

He was a third-year photography major, with all the requisite baggage of an angsty 21-year-old, bustling around, trying to build a career while also working to pay for his livelihood in New York City. And even though his school tuition was entirely paid for by his acquired scholarship, he still had to get by day to day and he absolutely refused to rely on his parents’ money.

Which is why he was on a bus, travelling to the elite Upper East Side on a Saturday afternoon.

Jeongguk had his headphones plugged in, elbows on the window sill, palm resting on his chin as he drummed his fingers against his cheek to the beat, watching the woollen clad city outside blur past him. The bus lurched a little and slowed, indicating the approach of a stop. After a few minutes the empty seat beside Jeongguk was occupied and the first thing he felt without turning his head from the window was a generous whiff of citrus. It was such an oddity to smell something that can only be associated with warmth and summer. Whoever sat beside him, smelt of summer, in the dead of winter.

A few more minutes passed. Jeongguk, never one to partake in being the chatty passenger on a commute, was minding his own business. That is until his co passenger finally spoke.

“You like Queen?” the stranger asked with a certain eagerness.

Jeongguk opened his eyes which he had closed for a bit, and turned around incredulously towards the stranger, a young man, who probably must be about his age. Also, to be momentarily blinded by the shocking mop of red hair.

“Excuse me?”

The stranger pointed towards his headphones and giggled a bit.

“You play your music really loud.”

Jeongguk felt a bit dazed as he stared at the young guy. Suddenly noticing that the man can easily be called beautiful. The striking red of his hair, so unnatural yet being pulled off by the owner with elan, paired with that dazzling smile that seemed to be in proxy for the sun which was currently busy behind the gloomy winter clouds. His cheeks retained a lovable baby fat around the cheekbones but was juxtaposed with a sharp jawline. The red head was wearing a green turtle neck with a long black trench coat, paired with black denims and boots. His eyes were still crinkling with mirth which made them charmingly look like two tiny upturned moons.

Jeongguk snapped out of it as the bus hit a road bump.

“Oh yeah, um…” he mumbled unintelligibly before pausing the song, which indeed was blasting at an unhealthy volume through his headphones, an old, bad habit.

“So, ‘Somebody To Love’?  I adore Queen, always wished I was born during their era so I could have seen Freddie in action!” the beautiful stranger happily rambled on without paying much heed to the fact that Jeongguk hadn’t really given him an entire sentence yet.

“Yeah, well, that’s one of my favourites.” Jeongguk said, referring to the song the stranger mentioned. And almost as an afterthought offered him a smile, which may have seemed a little odd. But Jeongguk was a top-class introvert and the little interaction that he was carrying on right then in itself was a novelty.

The stranger seemed perfectly at ease and beamed at Jeongguk which, if possible, amped up his sunshine meter by a few more notches.

“I’m Jimin by the way. Jimin Park.” He offered a gloved hand to Jeongguk.

Jeongguk was still feeling a bit out of it at the ridiculousness of the situation that was happening. Normally he would have absolutely despised this small talk ritual with strangers in buses and trains and categorically ignored them by turning his back and pointedly fixing his headphones, clear indications that he is not interested. But somehow this cheerful Red Head was anything but despicable. And in the frigid temperatures, the warmth emanating from the stranger, Jimin, was rubbing off on Jeongguk.

“Jeongguk Jeon.” Jeongguk said reciprocating the handshake.

“Wait…!” Jimin’s eyes widened as if he just heard that life was discovered on Mars. “You’re Korean?”

Jeongguk smiled at the comical disbelief of the man and responded, “Last I checked, yeah.”

Jimin clapped his gloved hands together and near about squealed at this information. An act which might have come off as cringey for a grown man to do but somehow the Red Head managed to make it endearing.

“Well in that case, I’m Park Jimin.” He declared with a big smile, cheeks getting bunched up in the process. Jeongguk blinked.

“Jeon Jeongguk.” He said with a slight smirk.

“You’re not very talkative, are you? That’s okay though. My friends always tell me I am capable of compensating someone’s unresponsiveness by my own verbal tendencies. I hope I’m not chatting your head off?” Jimin shared all in one breath, asking the last bit with a slight hesitation. Which made Jeongguk think if someone had called Jimin off for being too overbearing. Jeongguk though, was highly amused by this pretty stranger and even more so, surprised at himself for putting up with it. However, something about Jimin made it oddly easy to sit there and indulge his bubbly nature.

“No, that’s okay. I usually get companies of old grandmas around this time. So, it’s refreshing.”

Jimin seemed happy with the response, although at this point Jeongguk wondered if there was anything at all that could make the boy upset.

“So, you go to school here?” Jimin asked.

“Yeah, I’m a photography major. What about you?” Jeongguk asked, as it was only polite to ask him something in return since the conversation so far was flowing on Jimin’s sheer enthusiasm alone.

“Oh great! You’re an artist. Mine is pretty black and white though. I go to med school.” Jeongguk felt inwardly happy at being called an artist, because most people saw his line of study as some fancy hobby of rich children, which was obviously very far removed from the truth. But then Jimin being a medical student intrigued him, because he wasn’t sure what he had expected but a doctor wasn’t one of them. But perhaps that was Jeongguk being judgmental at Jimin’s hair colour choices.

Suddenly Jeongguk had this image of Jimin in a white lab coat with a stethoscope around his neck, giving candies and smiling cheerfully at children at his clinic. The image made him smile even though he had no idea why his mind conjured such an image in the first place.

“You should have introduced yourself as Dr Park, in that case.” Jeongguk said fixing his own gloved fingers with a slight smile. Jimin on the other hand fell into a bright laughter and if his smile was rivalling the sun, his full-fledged laughter had church bells ringing and ice bergs melting in the ocean. And once again Jeongguk found himself feeling slightly breathless as he looked up and found himself staring at Jimin’s brilliant countenance.

“You have a quiet sense of humour, Jeongguk,” he said smiling now, and Jeongguk couldn’t deny that his name from Jimin’s lips sounded ten times better than it did on others. “But I am not a doctor yet, I’m on my last year, you can call me that once I graduate.”

The way Jimin said the words seem to hold a promise of some sort of friendship which would enable Jeongguk to be around him after he graduates so he could address Jimin as such. And that idea uncharacteristically made Jeongguk look forward to it, and he found himself questioning his lifelong introverted nature that did he really just bond with some random stranger on a bus? Something that was probably the very last thing he pictured himself doing.

“I’m sure you’ll be an amazing doctor Jimin.” Jeongguk said sincerely, although he had no idea where such ardent sincerity was coming from, he truly believed that Jimin would be one. As someone so unabashedly honest and transparent it would be a shocker for him to not be so.

Jimin’s face lit up, clearly pleased with the compliment, “Thank you Jeongguk, I really hope I can do my bit.”

In the midst of their tete-a-tete, the bus had stopped once and neither of them had really noticed until at a particular lull in the conversation Jimin looked out the window and shrieked, startling an unsuspecting Jeongguk.

“Shit! I missed my stop!” he exclaimed hurriedly getting up from his seat, as the next stop was approaching.

Jeongguk suddenly panicked seeing as Jimin was clearly leaving and somehow Jeongguk was certain that he did not want this to be a little anecdote about a chatty passenger encountered one December afternoon.  He wanted to have more conversations with the effervescent Red Head.

“Wait!” he called and got up leaving behind his bag and headphones on the seat, as Jimin was already speed walking towards the exit. The next stop approached and Jimin began hopping down the stairs as Jeongguk rushed towards him.

“Hey! How do I see you again?” he yelled frantically, as Jimin got on the ground and turned back to him. The bus began moving slowly, the sparse passengers were all shooting exasperated looks at Jeongguk who paid them no mind.

Jimin began jogging with the bus and yelled back, “I take this route on this bus every Monday, Wednesday and Friday! Same time as I boarded today!” he was practically running by now as the bus rapidly picked up speed. Jeongguk’s heart lurched painfully to see Jimin finally unable to keep up and stop. Bending over with his arms supported on his knees and catching his breath. But he was still looking at Jeongguk.

Jeongguk lifted his hand and waved at Jimin, and even as Jimin’s figure increasingly became smaller, Jeongguk could see him waving back madly with that same blinding smile on his face. Jeongguk stood there till Jimin got lost as an unrecognizable silhouette among countless New Yorkers and then he made his way back to his seat. Feeling sombre. He was reprimanding himself for not asking for Jimin’s number. Granted, that he had never done nor did he think he’d ever do something so impulsive, but Jimin, with his incorrigible red hair and unadulterated persona, had somehow managed to leave an indelible mark, in an incredibly short time. And if Jeongguk were to be very honest, he found himself a little dumbfounded.

He slithered back into his seat, and was instantly hit with the remnants of that summery citrus aroma left behind by the Red Head. Jeongguk put on his headphones again and resumed ‘Somebody To Love’, making a silent decision to schedule a tri-weekly journey on this bus in fervent hopes of getting to see that smile again.

Chapter Text

To say that Jeongguk was moping would be an understatement.

After his chance encounter with Jimin, Jeongguk was determined to find the guy again and true to his words he had taken the bus diligently on the days Jimin had mentioned and waited patiently at the same seat, eagerly looking up every time Jimin’s stop arrived.

The lengths he had gone to get himself free around that hour was frankly ridiculous. On Monday his classes thankfully finished early as the professor of the last class was sick and absent. On Wednesday he begged his professor to let him leave early because his roommate had broken his leg and needed his immediate help, needless to say that was a massive lie. On Friday he made up some fantastic story of suddenly being hit by inspiration and if he could please be excused to deal with it with his camera.

Jeongguk was lucky he was an impeccable student with a clean track record. The professors seemingly believed him each day and Jeongguk got his way. But each day Jeongguk waited patiently for the Red Head only to be met with disappointment. He would travel up to the next stop after Jimin’s and get down feeling extremely unhappy, then cross the road and take a bus back. He was beginning to wonder if Jimin did really even exist. The half hour that he had spent with the guy was so ingrained into his mind that he simply could not dismiss it.

He began questioning if Jimin had just made up some random days to get rid of Jeongguk. He was, after all, a stranger and maybe Jimin really did see it as a passing encounter and wanted nothing more to do with him or extend it into any sort of acquaintanceship. The thought weighed down on him so greatly that he felt his heart sink. He himself could not fathom properly what was it about the boy that was affecting him so much and why was he wanting to see him so badly.

But the fact remained. Jeongguk was restless and undergoing some pseudo break up syndrome as he was certain that his heart if not completely broken, most definitely had acquired a crack. So, he found himself lying on the living room couch of the tiny but comfortable apartment he shared with his best friend, with Queen’s ‘Dragon Attack’ playing on his phone on loud speaker and a bag of chips in hand that he was nibbling on while blankly staring at a spot in the wall. And although his mood was nothing like the aggressive energy of the song, it was keeping him somewhat distracted. After God knew how long he heard the front door open and his roommate enter.

“Hey Namjoon.” Jeongguk greeted without turning his eyes away from the very interesting sight on the wall.

Namjoon, tall with a kind demeanour and his trademark dimples and wire rimmed glasses, was a couple years older to Jeongguk and was not just his best friend but an overprotective older brother.  He tossed his car keys on the counter and slipped out of his shoes while hanging his coat.

“Why the fuck are you creepily staring at the wall?” he asked while removing the gloves from his hands.

“Heh?” Jeongguk finally tore his eyes away and looked at Namjoon who had padded to the kitchen to get himself a glass of water.

Namjoon put the glass down and sighed, rubbing his temples. “Guk, what’s wrong with you man? You’ve been more closed off than anything I’d seen you do before. And that’s saying something because I’ve seen you while you were still in your diapers.” He said.

Jeongguk wrinkled his nose, “You most definitely have not seen me in my diapers.”

“Same thing. Point is, you’re upset about something and it’s been a whole week. And I know you like to be some sort of grand recluse, but you’ve gotta do something about it. Because for starters, you stink from a mile away.” Namjoon said, earning a cushion smacked on his face from Jeongguk. He laughed and made his way towards the couch.

“You can tell me if anything’s bothering you, Jeongguk. Did something happen at Uni? Work maybe?” he asked, sitting down beside Jeongguk.

Jeongguk contemplated telling Namjoon about his predicament but thought better of it. It wasn’t like he usually hid things from him, and even if he did Namjoon had some weird psychoanalytic skill that could just suck out secrets from people. It was crazy but not surprising because Namjoon was a proclaimed genius.

The whole thing with Jimin was such an irrelevant issue at the face of it that Jeongguk felt a little childish to admit to his friend how he was acting like a 14-year-old with a crush. Not to mention that if he did admit it to Namjoon, he would probably never hear the end of it, of how Jeongguk had forgone his holier than thou attitude in public transportation and indulged in conversations just because the stranger was a cute guy. So, he dismissed his friend’s concern with yet another lie, which he seemed to be doing and getting rapidly better at.

“It’s nothing Hyung, don’t worry. I’m just low on inspiration for my upcoming project. It’s inadvertently affecting my mood.” He said handing the bag of chips to Namjoon.

Namjoon peered at Jeongguk while he took the packet, as if trying to assess whether to buy that or not but seemingly deciding not to push it. It was not entirely surprising for Jeongguk to get cranky when he couldn’t exercise his craft properly and would run out at odd hours to take photos.

“Fine. But I’ll have you know, giving up on proper hygiene isn’t going to open some creative doors in your head. Seriously Guk, you need to freshen up and then maybe go out and get some air. Take your camera, click random stuff. I’m sure you’ll feel better.”

“Hmm, maybe later.” Jeongguk said to which Namjoon shot him a stern look and Jeongguk blinked back innocently.

“Tell me how was your day at the shop? Any new eccentric customers?” Jeongguk asked Namjoon to distract him for scolding him some more.

Namjoon was a book shop owner, and though that would seem highly incongruous given the calibre of his brain and who could have chosen to do much more illustrious things as people often liked to point out, he was perfectly happy with his job. Always having been a voracious reader, Namjoon had wanted to one day open his own shop, which now was one of the most sought after in that area as he constantly took conscious efforts to make available even the rarest of books.

The book shop was also one of Jeongguk’s favourite places to visit, where he liked to hole up in one of the reading tables and quietly read or some days take his camera with him and click away the multitude of people in their search for books.

Namjoon stretched out his long legs in front of him and wiggled his socked toes and said, “Nah, pretty boring today. I did hire a new sales guy though. It’s been a month. Ron had to leave because he graduated. You haven’t come in a while, studies been a bitch huh?” It was true that Jeongguk hadn’t gone to the shop in over a month, because of the extra pressure of projects due before the holidays began. But he made a mental note to spend some time in the pleasant quietude of his favourite place. God knew he needed a distraction.

“I know, maybe I’ll drop by tomorrow. It’s Founder’s Day so Uni’s closed.”  Jeongguk said as he rolled over and fell off the couch with a thud, wrapped halfway in blankets. The couch was smattered with chip dust and there was even a smear of mayonnaise on the armrest. Namjoon glanced at the mess and gasped as if he just saw something highly scandalous. Jeongguk in the meantime, sensing trouble, had already begun scrambling off the floor, gathering the blankets and pillows and fleeing towards his bedroom.

“Jeon Jeongguk! If you don’t get your ass back here and clean your shit up, you’re going to be in deep, deep trouble young man!” Namjoon bellowed.

“No can do! Gotta take a shower, I stink from a mile away! I’ll clean it up soon I promise.” Jeongguk shouted from his bedroom.

Namjoon sighed, “Brat.” He muttered fondly, getting up to clean the mess.

The next day Jeongguk woke up feeling significantly better after the solid admonition on the importance of personal hygiene that he received once again from one Kim Namjoon in details and taking a long shower to wash away his petulance. He had decided to spend some time at Namjoon’s shop after finishing with some homework.

So, after lunch he found himself taking that infamous bus once again. It was a Tuesday and despite that Jeongguk felt a tiny flame of hope flickering when Jimin’s stop approached. But except for a grumpy looking man who shot Jeongguk a withering glare as he got up, there wasn’t any sign of a certain Red Head. Jeongguk shook his head as if to get rid of his whimsical wishes and focused on playing Piano Tiles on his phone. After a while his stop came and while getting down Jeongguk realised that this was the stop that Jimin was originally supposed to get down the other day. Instantly he began hoping if maybe Jimin lived nearby or something or maybe he worked somewhere out here? Looking around as if he expected a mop of red hair to magically appear.

He realised he was behaving like an obsessed person and began walking briskly towards Namjoon’s shop. He had his camera with him today and as he reached the shop, Paper Tree, he stood and snapped a few photos. The shop had that old-world aesthetic, nothing too flashy or overtly modern. Opting to maintain that quaint and quiet charm. He finally entered and the front bell rang out in welcome.

Namjoon was at the front desk, handing out a wrapped book to an old lady and flashing his dimpled smile. There were quite a few people milling about searching what they wanted or just casually browsing. Paper Tree also had a small café at the back near the reading tables for those who would like a refreshment while at it and that addition itself fetched Namjoon more customers.

“Guk hey!” Namjoon greeted. And Mia, the sales girl waved enthusiastically.

“Hey guys. I’ll be out back. Namjoon, call me if you need any help.” Jeongguk said strolling towards his usual spot while Namjoon nodded. Mia, on the other hand, looked upset, having   clearly hoped to engage in her usual flirting, which Jeongguk rarely ever indulged, besides a polite acknowledgement.

He made his way over to the reading tables and found a particularly secluded spot surrounded on two sides by tall shelves giving away that musty smell of older editions of books mixed with the crispier one of the new, both of which were dear to Jeongguk. He dumped his bag and as he was making his way towards the comic book section, he heard a voice and for a second, he thought that maybe he had really lost his faculties and had now begun to hear projections of his fantasies. But as he turned a corner, he saw it.

He saw Him.

His elusive Red Head, smiling brightly at a young man holding a book and talking animatedly. Jeongguk felt his heart sink some more watching him with the man when he noticed an apron tied around his slim waist.

Wait.

That’s the shop’s employee apron.

Jimin worked here? The gears in Jeongguk’s head began turning and the initial disappointment at seeing Jimin with the unknown man turned into an ecstatic happiness as he registered that he had finally found Jimin. After a whole week of hope to see the Red Head only to have it crushed each time, he still could not believe the kindness of the odds that seemed to have turned in his favour.

And then he heard Jimin talking, “Oh yes Sir, I highly recommend Gone with The Wind. Margaret Mitchell has impeccable style. This is a classic. Your girlfriend would surely enjoy it!” Jeongguk heard him saying, still smiling brightly while the customer listened to him, obviously taken with Jimin’s chirpy nature. Jeongguk was this close from begging Namjoon to award Jimin employee of the year.

The man gratefully took the book and walked off towards checkout. Jimin brushed his hands on his apron to get rid of some non-existent dust and then ran his hands through his fiery red hair. He was in a bright yellow sweater and faded denims and Jeongguk was suspecting if he was a secret sunflower.

He was still standing hidden by the tall shelf watching Jimin from a distance, and without realising too much, he snapped a photo of Jimin as he stood there holding another book looking every bit beautiful. That happy warmth in his chest now a steady flame when he decided he should go up there and do what he’d wanted to do all week. Talk to Jimin. And so, he walked towards where Jimin was now standing up on a ladder, putting back the book on one of the upper shelves.

“You’re quite the rabbit in a hat with your disappearing act.” Jeongguk said.

Jimin’s back was turned to him so he hadn’t seen Jeongguk but his voice startled the poor guy so much that he missed the placement of the book and it fell to the ground with a thud, while Jimin himself missed his step on the ladder and tumbled backwards with a shriek. Jeongguk sprang into action and caught Jimin in his arms before he could hit the ground.

“Jeongguk!” Jimin whispered still breathless from his near fall and stared wide eyed at him.

“Hey you’re the doctor here, I wouldn’t have been able to deal had you gotten a concussion right now.” Jeongguk said unable to stop smiling while still holding Jimin around his waist.

“Jeongguk, oh my god Jeongguk!” Jimin said louder now and before Jeongguk knew what was happening Jimin had thrown his arms around his neck and hugging him as if his life depended on it, burying his face in the crook of his neck.

Every nerve in Jeongguk’s body seemed to have come alive at the unexpected show of exuberant affection from the boy that he had frankly been pining for and the astonishing turn of events were too much for his palpitating heart to handle.

But Jimin was here and he was hugging Jeongguk as if he had missed him too. So, before he could change his mind, Jeongguk wrapped his arms around Jimin’s waist tighter and hugged him right back as the scent of summer awoke every fibre of his being.

Chapter Text

“I thought I’d never see you again.” Jimin murmured, face still hidden in Jeongguk’s neck.

Jeongguk had closed his eyes sometime during the process, without realising it himself. “Why didn’t you come? Why didn’t you come any of the days?” he said, still holding Jimin and unable to hide the desperation and a hint of accusation laced in his voice.

Jimin finally peered from his hiding place and looked at Jeongguk. With that same wide-eyed wonder, that had left Jeongguk feeling dazed the first time that he saw it, his full lips parted slightly.

“You… you took the bus?” he asked, genuinely surprised.

“Every Monday, Tuesday and Friday.” Jeongguk whispered earnestly.

Jimin just kept looking, brown eyes rife with some unfathomable emotion that Jeongguk, standing in that corner among books, old and new, tried his very best to decipher.

However, the spell was broken as someplace near the comic book aisle a kid screamed and there was a sound of a crash. Both of them jumped violently, and Jeongguk realised that he still had his arms wrapped securely around Jimin, while the other man’s chest was flush against his, his head still near Jeongguk’s neck. As the initial euphoria of the discovery waned a bit the Resident Awkward that was Jeon Jeongguk returned in all his glory. Jimin seemed to have realised just as much as he unhooked his arms from around Jeongguk’s neck, blushing madly and Jeongguk decided that the faint pink on the man’s cheeks only added to his loveliness. Jeongguk reluctantly removed his arms as well, missing the sweet scent of citrus while Jimin fixed his apron, not meeting Jeongguk’s gaze.

“So, um…” he cleared his throat, “You’ll be here right? I’ll just…be a while.” He said pointing towards the aisle where the commotion had taken place. He looked at Jeongguk hopefully.

“Of course, I’m here. I’ll be at the reading tables.”

Jimin brightly smiled to that, shot him a little finger gun and an exaggerated wink to which Jeongguk couldn’t help but laugh a little and sauntered off quickly to do his job. Jeongguk watched him go feeling inexplicably giddy. He went towards his table and on his way saw that a little girl was crying and her mother trying frantically to pick up the stack of comics that the girl had probably dislodged. When she saw Jimin, the woman began apologising profusely to which Jimin, ever the sweetest thing, reassured her that it’s no problem at all and picked up the books and placed them back. Seeing that the little girl was still sniffling, Jimin miraculously whipped out a candy bar from his apron and offered it to the child and she instantly brightened up and gratefully accepted, while the mother looked on fondly. Jimin flashed them a smile and walked away to attend to a few other customers.

Jeongguk’s heart was filled with so much warmth at that, he wondered if he would catch a fever. He strolled towards the reading tables and sat down with a dopey smile on his face. He picked up the camera that he had left behind on the table after snapping Jimin’s picture and checked the one he’d taken. There he was, in all his sunshine aura, looking at ease with the book in his hand and face alight with tranquility. Jimin was such perfection on film that Jeongguk itched to take more photos of him and wondered if Jimin would want that. Jeongguk was busy staring at Jimin’s picture immersed in his thoughts that he didn’t notice Jimin returning and pulling the chair opposite to him and sitting down.

“Hi!” Jimin said. Jeongguk looked up to see the man smiling shyly. Jeongguk quickly switched his camera off and shoved it aside. Jimin noticed that and asked, “You brought your camera? Can I see some of your pictures? They must be really good.”

Jeongguk decided he shouldn’t be creepy and show Jimin that he had taken a picture of him without his permission so he switched the device on and adjusted the gallery and gave it to Jimin who took it eagerly. Jeongguk watched closely and a little apprehensively as Jimin’s face turned a deeper shade of pink as he saw that the latest one on the reel was a photo of himself. Jeongguk brought his hands on the table and laced his fingers together.

“You, uh, don’t mind, do you? I’m sorry I took it without asking.”

Jimin, looked up with that same shy glance tinged with slight embarrassment. “No, this…this is actually pretty good. I’ve never really had candids like these taken. Thank you.”

Jeongguk was pleased, so he seized the opportunity, “I can take more for you. If you want, that is.”

Jimin laughed a little of that choir chorus laugh of his and said, “I’d love to.”

He then went on to scroll further and see other photos in the reel offering a variant set of reactions to each. He admired deeply all the landscapes and nature shots that Jeongguk had taken for a Green Project last semester, cooed and near about cuddled the animal shots through the camera, a personal favourite of Jeongguk’s that he liked to take every time he spotted a fur ball anywhere and went slightly slack jawed at all the portraits and people in crowds’ lot. All while Jeongguk gazed at him, mapping out the way Jimin eyes lit up in genuine appreciation each time, how the corners of his eyes crinkled in happy laugh lines and his lush lips stretched without any hesitation. He handed the camera back to Jeongguk after viewing the photos.

“You’re so talented Jeongguk. I’ve never seen anything like your work before. And it’s so nice to see something creative, like the independence to create or capture whatever you want, you know? My stuff is pretty much all written out for me, if I step out of line, there’s literal death.” He chuckled slightly, adjusting his apron strap and leaning back on the chair looking at Jeongguk with sincerity.

“Thank you, it does get decided by the school what type of genre we are to pick for certain projects but yeah, it’s up to me ultimately how I wanna lay out the vision.”

They look on at each other for a few moments and then Jimin spoke, “I am sorry.”

“What for?” Jeongguk asked, surprised.

“For ghosting you.” He giggled and Jeongguk, unsurprisingly, liked the sound of it.

“You know, now that you mention it, I did begin to suspect if after all you were a demon’s minion or something.” To which Jeongguk was greeted with a full-bodied laughter echoing in the small cozy corner of the room. Jimin fell forward on the table in glee, and Jeongguk found himself smiling. Jimin calmed down, ran a hand through his hair and said.

“I’m sorry, you probably thought I had lied or something.”

The thought did cross Jeongguk’s mind but obviously he didn’t tell Jimin that. He let him continue.

“It’s just that my roommate, the klutz that he is, tripped on the stairs to our apartment while trying to carry all the grocery bags at once. I’ve always told him not to act smart and take two trips, but the guy grossly overestimates his strength.” Jimin sighed rubbing his temples, and added, “So of course that resulted in a fracture on his right ankle. I told him he was lucky that the bones along with his face hadn’t gotten smashed. Anyways, I had to deal with that, and also re-buy several of the glass items from the grocery, so I’d asked Namjoon Hyung to let me off for a week. I had no classes today so I decided to work an extra shift.”

Jeongguk listened to Jimin’s story with amusement. This roommate of his seemed a funny guy. Also, that annoying voice in his head that had been reminding him constantly the past week that maybe Jimin had just ditched his promise, if running with a bus and yelling can be called that, finally got silenced, and he felt happy.

“It’s okay, I, um, I was looking forward to seeing you again.” Jeongguk said quietly. He felt awkward that he may come off as clingy to someone he’d only met once for about a half hour. But Jimin, eased his troubled thoughts.

“Me too. When I couldn’t go last week, I was constantly thinking about whether you took the bus or not or what if you thought I lied to you and worse, I honestly didn’t think I’d see you again. You’ve no idea how stunned but happy I am at this giant coincidence. My luck is usually shitty.” He said playing with the multitude of rings in his fingers.

“Namjoon Hyung is actually my roommate and best friend, and this shop is like my little haven. I come here pretty often, although I couldn’t for the past month due to Uni stuff, which is probably why I didn’t run into you earlier.” Jeongguk said.

Jimin looked up and blinked, “Wait what? Really? You know Namjoon Hyung? Wow I was thinking you’d randomly chosen to come here. What a small world.” He said with a surprised little laugh.

“Small world indeed.” Jeongguk said.

“So, where were you off to that Saturday?” Jimin asked him.

“Oh, uh, I nanny at weekends. At Upper East Side.” Jeongguk said and ducked his head a little in embarrassment. It wasn’t that he was ashamed of his job, if anything Jeongguk couldn’t care less about the stereotype that babysitting or nannying are women’s forte but he had had to face a fair bit of mockery for choosing something ‘unconventional.’

Jimin stared at him and smiled widely, and Jeongguk, for a second thought if maybe Jimin was one of them too but then Jimin spoke and once again dispelled Jeongguk’s doubts.

“Oh my God! Jeongguk! That is so cute! So, tell me, is it a baby? Girl or boy? And what all do you have to do?” Jimin was as usual displaying genuine interest but for a while Jeongguk’s mind replayed the part where Jimin said ‘cute’. Trying to decide whether it was directed at him or the situation. Either way he liked it. A lot.

So Jeongguk told him. It was a 6-year-old girl named Milli, who according to Jeongguk was the most adorable thing. He’d gotten the job after Namjoon recommended it to him while Jeongguk was still looking for one and the employer’s younger brother Seokjin, who was Namjoon’s friend, had been asking for someone who could look after his niece during the weekends. The pay was well, since the family was obviously well off being able to afford more than one nanny to look after their daughter. One in the weekdays and Jeongguk on the weekends. And even though Jeongguk was apprehensive in the beginning to take it up because he wasn’t really the best with children, he surprisingly hit it off with the sweet but intelligent child.

Jimin listened with rapt attention both palms resting on his cheeks that adorably squished them a little making his lips poutier than they already were. “I love children.” He said, eyes shining “I can totally imagine you introducing her to cool music!” he said giggling and Jeongguk blushed.

However, Jimin had to abruptly leave to look after as more customers filed in and they decided that they’d return together since, as it turned out, Jimin lived only a few blocks away from Jeongguk’s which was understandable as theirs were the affordable student neighbourhood.

Jimin left and Jeongguk, still nurturing that happy feeling in his chest decided to catch up on some comics. He made his way over to the section and returned with his favourite superhero, Iron Man’s, exploits clutched in his hands and put his good mood to good use. After a few hours during which Jimin remained relatively busy and didn’t get any more chance to chat with Jeongguk besides the occasional smiles thrown every time he passed or pointing to some funny customers and making silly faces imitating them. Jeongguk watched his little antics and wondered what stroke of luck he had encountered that gave him another chance to further his friendship with this delightful Red Head. But Jeongguk wasn’t complaining, not one bit.

Finally, it was closing time and Jeongguk got up, returned the comic back to its rack and gathered his things. This was one of the perks he guiltily exploited being best friends with the owner. The shop wasn’t a library, if anybody was reading anything, they were expected to make a purchase, but Jeongguk could bypass that and Namjoon wouldn’t have it any other way even when some days Jeongguk wanted to pay him for his incessant pilfering through the book shelves.

Jimin appeared looking every bit fresh and tidy as if he hadn’t been running around manning the shelves and talking up books to the customers. He had removed his apron which hung from his arm, folded neatly.

“Ready to go?” he asked, smiling.

“Yeah.” Jeongguk said. Gathering up his stuff and heading towards the reception area.

They walked back to the counter to find Namjoon putting on his coat as the last of the customers filtered out. He eyed Jeongguk and Jimin who were both sporting tentative smiles while nurturing a proximity that didn’t exactly look like they’ve only known each other for a total of few hours. Jeongguk walked towards the counter while Jimin went to submit the employee apron. Mia, thankfully, had left.

As Jeongguk approached, Namjoon raised an elegant eyebrow with a knowing glint in his eye.

“Don’t start now.” Jeongguk hissed, as Jimin returned. It was decided that all three of them were to return by Namjoon’s car. And so, after locking everything up, they filed into the car. Namjoon getting into the driver’s seat while Jeongguk hastily moved to open Jimin’s door which earned him a bashful smile from the Red Head and an even higher eyebrow lift from Namjoon while Jeongguk himself chose to slide in next to Jimin. Namjoon eyed Jeongguk at the rear-view as if to say “can’t believe you just did that.”

They pulled out and Namjoon finally broke the silence. “So, I am assuming you two know each other?” he asked, amusement clear in his tone

Jimin answered, clearing his throat awkwardly, “Uh yeah, Hyung. Jeongguk and I actually met on a bus. I was on my way to work here. We sat next to each other.” He said, looking at Jeongguk with a hint of a smile.

“Intttterrresting. Guk has been crazy about buses lately. I had been wondering why?” Namjoon said casually, chancing a glance at the two, at the rear-view.

Jeongguk flushed and wished Namjoon didn’t quite literally have their lives on his hands at the moment, else he would have attempted a blow or two.

“Shut up Joon! You know I have classes. And also, I tend to wander about taking photos. It’s no biggie.”

“No biggie indeed.” Namjoon said, smirking.

Jimin on the other hand was dissolving into fits of giggles, clearly entertained. Jeongguk just decided to tune out Namjoon for the time being and bask in the summery warmth of Jimin beside him. Soon they were pulling up in front of Jimin’s apartment, a small complex consisting of 4 buildings. Jimin turned to Jeongguk and smiled, eyes crinkling up prettily,

“Goodnight then Jeongguk, today was fun and definitely unexpected.” He bit his bottom lip and then added, “I’ll see you around?” his big brown eyes, filled with anticipation.

Somewhere upfront Namjoon tried to mask some sort of snicker very poorly. Jeongguk ignored that and nodded his head fervently. “Of course, definitely!” and cringed inwardly at maybe appearing as an over eager puppy.

Jimin beamed and patted Jeongguk’s biceps and made his way out of the car. “I’ll see you tomorrow Namjoon Hyung, thanks for the ride!” he waved and made his way towards his apartment. Namjoon was about to start up the car when Jeongguk realised that he was once again making a stupid mistake and forgetting that he was a goddamn millennial. He suddenly opened the car door and dashed out as Namjoon yelled something at him.

Jimin was just about to enter his building when Jeongguk called, “Jimin! Wait!"

Jimin turned around, “Did I forget something?” he asked.

“Yeah. To give me your number.” Wow. Smooth Jeon, his brain supplied.

Jimin, laughed out loud at that and said, “Is that some drama’s line?”

“Maybe.” Jeongguk muttered, rubbing at his nape.

He handed out his phone to Jimin and he quickly punched in his number and returned the device.

“I’ll see you around Jeongguk. Text me. Kay?”

“I will.” Jeongguk promised because hell yeah that was the first thing he was going to do once he got back home. He watched Jimin enter his building with one final wave and jogged back to the car.

“Don’t.” he said, sliding into the passenger seat before Namjoon could open his mouth.

“As if I won’t.” Namjoon snorted, “I see that now your interest in riding shotgun has returned.” Namjoon said, pulling away.

“Hyung please!” Jeongguk whined, hoping that playing an annoying toddler might let him escape his friend’s third degree which was sure to begin anytime now.

“Nu-uh young man. That won’t work. You made friends? On a fucking bus?? What is this, the renaissance or something? Spill.” Namjoon said with finality.

Jeongguk sighed. Escaping Namjoon’s demands when the man means business is pretty much impossible so Jeongguk launched into his meet cute story while Namjoon sagely nodded and upon hearing that Jeongguk had actually yelled out to Jimin in a bus full of people, he nearly swerved the car violently out of utter astonishment.

“Are you sure you still are the gawky, tortoise Jeongguk from Busan or what?” he eyed Jeongguk wearily.

Jeongguk hit Namjoon’s shoulder making the man shriek indignantly.

“Stop being dramatic. And did you just call me a tortoise?”

“I have to. Times are rapidly changing and my little bean Jeonggukie is going around befriending strangers. Ah... I feel old.” Namjoon let out an exaggerated sigh.

“I am not ‘going around befriending strangers.’ What the fuck. This is literally the first time. And Jimin…” he trailed off. Cheeks flaming up slightly at the memory of the Red Head.

“Jimin…?” Namjoon urged.

“Well, Jimin’s different somehow. We bonded over Queen.”

“Are we really pulling that ‘not like other boys’ trope here Gukie?” he squawked.

“Shut up, you know what I mean. He works for you, you’d know.” Jeongguk murmured, fiddling with his coat sleeve.

“I do know. He’s a hardworking kid. Goes to med school, works for me and walks puppies and kittens from shelters once a week. A fine angel.” Namjoon said fondly.

Jeongguk felt like he’d burst.

“He walks puppies and kittens?” he squeaked.

“Oooh! Has our Jeonggukie developed a teeny tiny crush?” Namjoon wiggled his eyebrows while pulling up to their apartment.

“You’ll develop a headache very soon if you don’t shut up.” Jeongguk snarled.

And although Namjoon was taller and older than Jeongguk he knew better than to mess with the gym rat that his best friend was. He had fallen victim to Jeongguk’s chokehold and other assortments of assault which are playful in Jeongguk’s dictionary, one too many times. So, he chose to hold off on his drilling for a bit.

Namjoon parked the car and together they walked up to their apartment. After having a half ass dinner of instant noodles and some chilled coke, they decided to call it a day. Before going to their separate bedrooms Namjoon called out,

“Hey Jeongguk, any chance Jimin is the reason you lived like a frog for the past week?”

Jeongguk took a threatening lunge towards Namjoon’s door while said door was quickly shut and Namjoon’s boisterous laughter was heard from the other end. Jeongguk’s reaction was enough to confirm that he had hit the nail on the head.

“This isn’t over!” Jeongguk yelled shaking his fists at the door.

“I never said it is!” came his friends reply.

Jeongguk sighed. But a moment later found himself smiling as he made his way to his bedroom. Even his friend’s relentless jeering wasn’t enough to dampen his mood. It had soared a little too high today, no chance of hitting the ground anytime soon.

He quickly brushed his teeth and got under the covers with his phone and headphones. And predictably pulled out Jimin’s contact surprised to see the man had saved it as Dr Park. Jeongguk let out a whoop of utter joy. He opened the message box and let his fingers hover over the keypad thinking whether it would seem too desperate to start shooting texts when they’d parted literally a couple hours ago. But he just dismissed his insecurities with a what the heck and typed.

Jeongguk: That was some pretty good alignment of stars. (‘:

He waited, restlessly pulling the blanket and pushing it off and biting his nails a bit. A few minutes later the three dots appeared and Jimin replied.

Dr Park: You bet. Guess our galaxies were passing by each other. Good thing we seized the opportunity (:

Jeongguk grinned and typed back,

Jeongguk: How’s your roommate doing?

Dr Park: Oh, the usual. Being a pain in the ass. Thankfully he can wobble around on his own now.

Jeongguk settled on his pillows comfortably and wondered if it’s too soon to ask the question that had been making rounds in his head ever since Namjoon uttered the word ‘crush’. He couldn’t deny to himself that he was inexplicably attracted to the gorgeous Red Head. Finally, after typing and retyping a series of nonsense he decided to just fucking go for it and after writing it out, hit the send button.

Jeongguk: Do you like, maybe, wanna grab some coffee or tea or any sort of beverage or not, whatever, in a place where you don’t have to worry about kids throwing tantrums???

He cringed slightly at the excess hesitation, like he could literally hear himself stutter that sentence out. Hopefully Jimin would take it in his stride. He waited with bated breath, heart doing some legit laps in his chest.

Dr Park: xD you’re so cute Jeonggukie. You know what? I’d actually really like to grab some coffee or tea or beverage or not, in someplace else, with you. <3

Jeongguk’s mind reeled with that double attack of first Park Jimin calling him cute and second, that freaking heart emoji. Everything was way too much and at this rate Jeongguk had high chances of developing permanent breathlessness. He somehow reigned in his thoughts that were on overdrive and typed a response.

Jeongguk: Excellent. Great. So, maybe let me know when you are free of classes? And we can decide?

Jimin replied almost instantly.

Dr Park: I’m free tomorrow, after work. If you’re up for that?

Jeongguk: I am! I’ll drop by at the shop and we can go from there.

Dr Park: Deal. I’ll see you tomorrow then (:

Jeongguk: See you tomorrow Jimin. Goodnight.

Dr Park: Goodnight Jeonggukie. <3

Jeongguk threw the phone somewhere among the blankets and did some dolphin flails on the bed, acting like a kid who’s got ice cream. He couldn’t help it. All of this excitement, this giddy rush, all of this was new to him, but so welcome. He couldn’t help thinking about how he would love to hear Jimin call him Jeonggukie in person so he could hear his voice, make him laugh so he could be the audience to that fulfilling sound again and again. As he slumped into bed with his headphones on and shuffling Spotify, he realised tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough.

Chapter Text

Jeongguk woke up the next morning to the annoying sound of his ringtone going off. He groaned and checked the time, 6.30 AM. His classes started at 9. The distance being a forty-minute bus ride away, so he was good till another hour. Who the hell was rude enough to snatch the precious last few minutes of sleep?

He checked the caller ID to see that it was Yoongi.

Yoongi was Jeongguk’s closest friend at the university, also a photography major. They usually partnered for projects together, both sharing an almost equal fervour for film and both having intense competitive spirits. Yoongi spent his life fluctuating between being an arthritic grandpa with his grumpy attitude to anything that remotely bothered him to actually acting his age and enjoying things with mild amusement at best. There was no in between. Yoongi was known to not take shit from anyone, except perhaps Jeongguk, who he proclaimed was a world class brat but Jeongguk knew Yoongi cherished their friendship without being exuberant about it.

Jeongguk gave out a loud guttural groan that elicited a call from Namjoon from the living room- a “Stop being a bull dog early morning!” The phone stopped ringing as Jeongguk took too long to get his bearings together to answer but instantly began ringing again.

“Yoong—” Jeongguk began snappily but was cut off by Yoongi’s trademark rasp.

“If you think you can fuck with me and not pick up my call, you’re in for shit JK.” Jeongguk could hear the deadpan in his voice.

“What is it Yoongi? Did you want to wish me Good Morning?” he asked tiredly suppressing a humongous yawn.

“Shut the fuck up. We have to leave for class in like an hour, tops. There’s an impromptu field trip that’s been organised. Extra credit before the end of the semester. Pick out a topic among the surroundings and get it done. I know it’s optional, but Professor Leeson emphasized that its best if we take it. It’ll be better for the overall score and help lessen the work load by a margin for the compulsory ones.”

Jeongguk wanted to groan some more but he realised this was for the larger good. He could slack a little if he wanted to, not that he ever chose to do that, but it was good to have a buffer and reluctantly agreed. He informed Yoongi that he’ll be at the university in an hour and finished the call. Moving on to begrudgingly get out of bed and walk out to the living room where he was blessed with the warm aroma of fresh coffee. That, and Namjoon sitting at the kitchen counter reading the newspaper with a coffee mug looking every bit the intellectual, glasses and all.

Jeongguk breathed in deeply and said, “Did I tell you I love you?”

“Its too early for your mush.” Namjoon said without looking up from his paper.

Jeongguk made a hurt sound, his friend remained unbothered. So, Jeongguk resumed his shuffling towards the kitchen and grabbed a mug to pour a generous amount of coffee.

“You are not usually up for another hour. Who had called?” Namjoon asked folding the newspaper neatly.

“Yoongi. Got some extra credit shit going on, so gotta dash early.” He took a sip from the scalding hot coffee to suppress a yawn.

Namjoon hummed. Jeongguk contemplated if he should tell him about his date (if it can be called that since nothing had been explicitly expressed but god Jeongguk hoped it was) with Jimin. But then he decided it was bound to be found out anyway.

“So, Jimin and I will be hanging out for a while, after his shift.” He said casually, hiding behind the rim of the coffee mug, bracing himself.

“Will you now?” Namjoon began, “And I guess it’s one of those, what do you kids call it these days, hm, a date?” he smirked.

Jeongguk put the mug down and drummed his fingers on the counter.

“You assume too much, and ‘you kids’? What are you 40?”

“Taking care of you sometimes makes me feel like that.” Namjoon said with mock seriousness.

“I don’t have time for your entertainment, gotta get ready and scoot. I’ll see you in the evening.” He washed the mug quickly and skedaddled as Namjoon called out like an angry mother.

“What about breakfast young man?”

“Relax. I’ll grab something from campus.” Jeongguk responded from the bedroom.

After a quick shower Jeongguk was about to throw on his ratty white tee and faded denims with his faithful thick as a sheep hoodie which in itself was enough to ward off winters and only took a coat just for the sake of it, when he suddenly remembered that he would be meeting Jimin directly from school. Some effort was required. He could obviously not afford to face Jimin looking like a displaced trash can so he browsed through his wardrobe which was unsurprisingly monochromatic and decided to settle on a black tee instead of white ( the fact that black could effectively hide any dirt, was a big plus), black denims, a brown turtle neck and his long black trench coat.

He said a rushed goodbye to Namjoon, who wasn’t supposed to leave until later, put on his faithful timbs and took the bus reaching university at a quarter to 8. He walked into their classroom, after making a detour to grab a sandwich and chewing on it on the way over. Yoongi was sitting in one of the chairs fiddling with his camera, in a maroon jumper and dark denims and a beanie pulled low. He looked up as Jeongguk plopped down on a seat beside him shoving his bag on another.

“What the fuck.” He said, his poker face in place.

“What?” Jeongguk asked innocently even though he had an inkling.

“Did I forget about some British murder mystery show’s shoot?” he asked eyeing Jeongguk’s outfit.

Jeongguk snorted, spitting a bit of lettuce.

“Ew, you savage.” Yoongi said brushing off the crumbs from his jumper.

“I have a date.” He muttered, surprising himself at his own affirmation at calling it so.

“I’m sorry, what?” Yoongi asked leaning closer and putting the camera aside.

“A date. And you’re not gonna get any details until I go through with it.” Jeongguk said defensively.

“Oh, so that's why you’ve decided to clean up your otherwise ‘I’m-too-cool-to-make-an-effort image.” Yoongi grunted.

Jeongguk decided to look offended.

“Finish up your food, there’s no time for chit chat. I hope you give this date of yours a little more than your constipated disposition.” He said gruffly putting his camera in the bag and getting up. Classic Yoongi. Jeongguk smiled, knowing Yoongi’s sarcasm was his way of saying ‘best of luck on your date.’

They packed up their stuff and met the professor in charge of the project. Turned out the field trip wasn’t exactly a field trip more like, scattering around the city, individually, zoning in on a subject and taking 10 shots, describing each with what inspired it and what was visualised through the photo. Yoongi and Jeongguk decided to scour together since Yoongi had a car, a beaten down old mustang, not very safe but Yoongi treated it like his child.

They set off and decided to visit the crowded places to search for what they wanted. Jeongguk, after some deliberation, chose Unfiltered Emotion while Yoongi wanted to capture Indifference. They went about the city, exploring various malls, parks, most of the times leaving the car in the parking lot and navigating the surrounding area on foot to get the pictures. Jeongguk looked out for rawness, feelings without prior thoughts and he got some good stuff. From lovers looking at each other without judgement, to an old man quietly looking at a photograph, to teenagers sharing a riotous laugh, to a little boy crying.

They met up at various parking lots until both of them got their work done, taking obviously more than 10 pictures to select from and headed back to the university. It was quite a tiring day and by the time they reached back, it was past 1 in the afternoon and still the more tedious part of the project was due. Such as editing the photos, printing them, sorting and organising and writing notes on each. They got to work immediately, as the scheme of the project was not just creativity but also alacrity.

After 2 hours of editing Yoongi stretched, popped a few strains and grunted.

“I need coffee, my systems are shutting down. You want one too, right?”

“God yes.” Jeongguk groaned, exhausted and grateful for his friend’s offer.

Work resumed and when Jeongguk still had a few photos to write notes on, it was already early evening, and he began to get antsy. Jimin would be done in about an hour, and he didn’t know if he’d be done by then. He began fidgeting around, standing up and away from his laptop, pacing back and forth in front of their table at the library, cracking his knuckles, checking his phone. Most students were studying, wrapping stuff up before holidays, and nobody paid him heed. Yoongi though got fed up and snapped.

“Sit your ass back down and finish up if you wanna make it to your boyfriend on time.”

Jeongguk whipped his head, slithered back into his chair and hissed.

“He’s not my boyfriend, what the hell!”

“Yet.” Is all Yoongi offered without so much as a glance at Jeongguk.

“But-" Jeongguk began, ready to refute but one icy glare from Yoongi and he shut up and hurried to get his stuff done. But before that he sent a quick text to Jimin telling him about his current predicament and that he is trying his best to make it on time. Jimin assured him not to worry and to finish his school work first. That seemed to calm Jeongguk down somewhat and he resumed his work.  

After another couple hours it was finally done. Files neatly prepared with the Subject, the photos with descriptions to each. The sun had set, the cold had comfortably set in and it was 7pm. Jeongguk frantically called up Jimin, from outside the professor’s office, because Namjoon’s closing time was 6 and he wondered where could Jimin have gone and what he must think of Jeongguk’s tardiness on the very first time that they were to go out. The phone rang and Jimin picked up on the fourth ring.

“Jeongguk?”

“Jimin, God I’m so sorry. I just got done. The stupid thing had to happen today of all days. Are you okay? Where are you? Namjoon Hyung must have closed shop by now? Did you go back home? God, I feel terri-" Jeongguk’s panicked rambling was cut off by Jimin who Jeongguk realised was laughing.

“Jeongguk, Jeongguk calm down. I’m fine. Namjoon Hyung is really offended to hear that you assumed he’d just kick me out and close shop when he knows you are gonna come and pick me up.” He said giggling.

“Wait, Namjoon Hyung?  He’s there with you?”

“Of course, when I told him you might be late, he offered to keep the shop open a while longer so I could wait. You don’t have to worry.”

Jeongguk made a mental note to treat him with fried chicken for his benevolence.

“Tell Namjoon I owe him one. And Jimin? I’m on my way right now. See you in a bit.”

“See you. Come safely.” Jeongguk smiled at that. All while Yoongi stood scrolling through his phone but with a clear interest in the conversation taking place.

“Never seen you freak out that bad, JK.” He smirked without looking up.

“Shut up.” Jeongguk scowled.

“Careful! Because here I was thinking to give you a ride to make it to your date without having a panic attack on the bus there.”

“Hyung! Will you really? That’d be great!”

“Hyung? Wow, you really are desperate. C’mon let’s go.”

Jeongguk happily skipped off towards the parking lot with Yoongi who drove him to Namjoon’s shop in 20 minutes, which would have gone up to 40 in a public transportation.

He dropped Jeongguk off with a ‘break a leg’ kid and drove off.

Jeongguk stood outside Paper Tree to see that the sign had been turned to ‘closed’ but a few lights filtered out through the blinds. He fixed his attire, ran a hand through his hair, adjusted his bag on his shoulders and went in. The light in the reading area was on and he saw Namjoon and Jimin engaged in what seemed like a serious match of Uno.

“And UNO!” Jimin shrieked slapping his card down on the table.

“Jimin, what the fuck! This is the fifth time in a row. Fifth! Are you sure you’re not a magical wizard, or am I too dense to catch you cheating?” Namjoon sighed, resigned.

“Hyung! I would never!” Jimin gasped dramatically.

Jeongguk stood and admired the cosy little scene. Taking in Jimin’s excited profile, lit up by the yellow ceiling light. He was wearing a baby blue cable knit sweater with a blue denim jacket thrown on top and navy denims. Jeongguk sighed. The Red Head was such a cacophony of colours that he was a sight for sore eyes.

“Hey.” He called walking towards them.

“Jeongguk!” Jimin turned around and exclaimed, eyes shining. Namjoon did a mock salute.

“Ready to go?” Jeongguk asked.

“Yup!” Jimin giggled. While Namjoon threw a smug look which of course Jeongguk ignored.

“Guk, take my car.” Namjoon offered.

“Hyung, it’s okay we can take the bus.” Jeongguk said, although highly touched by his friend’s back to back gestures.

“I insist. Take it.  I’ll hop on a bus. Now off you go.”  He made a shooing gesture with his hands.

“Thanks, Joonie.” Jeongguk said gratefully and then left with Jimin while Namjoon stayed behind to finally close up.

Jeongguk opened the car door for Jimin and he giggled like he had last time but this time adding an amused, “What a gentleman!” to which Jeongguk predictably blushed. He slid into the driver’s seat and turned towards him.

“Well this has long surpassed just coffee or tea or beverage or whatever. I think we are dealing with a dinner.” He said, smiling.

Jimin laughed, “Dinner it is then.”

“Where do you want to go?” Jeongguk asked.

“Hm, well there’s this really good Korean Barbeque place a few blocks down, you up for that?”

“Don’t need to ask me twice.”

And so Jeongguk drove for a while, asking Jimin when his classes got over to which he said his classes usually ran till 1 on the days he comes to Namjoon’s which is how he can work the afternoon shift, and then he went on to retell gleefully about his unbeatable victory at Uno and how Namjoon damn near pulled his own hair out by the end of it.

They reached the restaurant, which was a small but satisfying affair. The interiors all dark red and with ground level tables and comfortable cushions to sit on. They ordered steaming plates of Bulgogi and spicy grilled chicken and two tall glasses of Coke since Jeongguk would be driving and Jimin didn’t want to be the only one to drink any alcohol.  

After the orders arrived and they thanked the waitress, Jeongguk said, “I’m sorry again, to keep you waiting.”

Jimin was in the process of popping a fried chicken in his mouth.

“Jeongguk, it’s not your fault you got the project. And anyways school work is always a priority. It’s fine, don’t worry.” He said and finally popped the piece in, humming contently.

Jeongguk relaxed and smiled.

“So, Dr Park, tell me about you.” He said.

“Ooh, the interview begins huh? Okay lemme see.” Jimin chuckled then scratched his chin as if in deep thought.

“Well, so I’m a would be doctor, I adore reading which is partly why I chose to work in a book shop and partly because of course it would be the best way to earn money while at it, I am from Busan, my parents are still there but I moved here to pursue a higher education, I walk dogs and cats at a shelter in weekends, I live with my roommate, Taehyung, the pain in the ass who broke his ankle, who also happens to be my best friend and who moved with me to the States, we go to the same Uni, he’s studying to be a nurse, I hate dark rooms, terrified of moths and love old movies.” He finished with a flourish of his hand. “Did I do good?”

Jeongguk was staring unabashedly. Taking in like gulps of water in an enchanting oasis the force that was Park Jimin, the guy he’d met on just two occasions and who had captivated him, someone so adverse to unnecessary human connections. Unlike Yoongi, who despised interaction with people outside his comfort circle, Jeongguk was awkward and shy, choosing therefore to minimise the people in his life. But Jimin, despite still being somewhat of a stranger, had eased Jeongguk’s age old reluctance just by being himself, unabashed, forthright and cheerful.

“You passed with flying colours. Welcome aboard. Just sign a few papers and you’re good to go.” Jeongguk said seriously, motioning with his hands to mimic a stack of papers being laid out. Jimin erupted into fits of giggles, his face brightening up like the sky at dawn and Jeongguk smiled proudly at having made him thus.

“Okay, okay Jeonggukie. Now your turn. I’m accepting applications for my company as well, so begin.” He said, continuing with the ruse, taking a sip from the chilled coke.

Jeongguk chewed on his bulgogi and began, “I’m a photographer in the making,” he said fixing his collar in mock conceit and Jimin batted a hand at him laughing, “And I’m from Busan too, my parents though had moved here 10 years ago in Maryland, so we only visit Korea during certain occasions, I’m pretty much a boring guy opting to hole in at home, playing incessant games and reading comic books, a nerd if you will. I love pizza and despise apples.”

“Apples? Who hates apples?” Jimin said, doubling over with laughter.

“I do. They’re very bland.” He murmured, eating one of the last pieces of chicken.

“If that isn’t cute Jeonggukie.” Jimin giggled.

Jeongguk’s ears may have gotten a bit red at having finally heard the nickname and the fact that Jimin called him cute once again. In person.

They bantered back and forth a bit during which Jeongguk also learnt that Jimin was looking to specialise in child oncology, which was so heart-breaking in itself but Jeongguk couldn’t imagine anyone doing a better job at it than Jimin.

“You know I’d imagined you handing out candies to kids at your hospital, when you had first mentioned that you were a med student. Turns out you do carry candies in your pockets after all.” Jeongguk said referring to that time at the bookshop.

“Did you now? You’re not wrong though. I do happen to carry candies about me. And they may or may not be for kids all the time.” He said over the rim of the now lukewarm Coke. And Jeongguk thought the fact that Jimin kept candies to nibble on himself was way too adorable to deal with.

Jimin also told him that changing his hair colour was somewhat of an obsession that he acquired from his eccentric roommate and once winter passes and the season changes, so will his current hair colour. Jeongguk also got to hear that Jimin was a secret violin enthusiast.

“Okay. What are you Dr Park? A prodigy of sorts? I’m beginning to get insecure here.”

Jimin laughed a little bashfully and waved a hand, “It’s nothing really, just something I do when I’m sad.” And Jeongguk didn’t like to imagine Jimin playing a haunting little tune, pretty mouth downturned in unhappiness. He decided he’d like to convince Jimin to play his violin for Jeongguk out of joy sometime.

After another hour of conversation during which they absolutely didn’t notice that the place had begun to get empty and it was approaching closing time, so very engrossed in each other. The waitress finally came up to them and cleared her throat.

“Uh, excuse me sirs? We’ll be closing shortly.”

Both Jeongguk and Jimin who had been leaning in to each other, unconsciously, with their elbows on the table startled and sprang apart.

“Right, uhm, could we get the check please?” Jeongguk stuttered.

After much protest from Jimin he finally relented with a threat that next time he won’t let Jeongguk pay (at which Jeongguk couldn’t help but feel thrilled, because that means he didn’t completely fuck up and Jimin wanted to go out with him again).

They gathered their stuff and headed out into the cold, the clock reading 10 PM. Both sporting smiles and walking towards the parking lot with light brushes of shoulders.

The car ride to Jimin’s apartment was spent with Jimin putting on some trash music and both of them howling out the lyrics, fucking up pronunciations but not giving a damn.

They reached Jimin’s place and Jeongguk walked him up to his door, feeling oddly nervous. He wanted to say something to Jimin but his inherent awkwardness had suddenly kicked in. But then there Jimin was standing beneath the faint porch light, looking like a resplendent star in all his simplicity and he blurted, “You looked beautiful tonight!” his eyes went wide at his own audacity as he watched Jimin turn a deep shade of crimson.

“Th-thank you Jeonggukie.” Jimin said, fixing his denim jacket just to occupy his hands, furiously blushing still. “You didn’t look too bad yourself.” He said peeking from below his fringes and smiling.

“Thanks, Jimin. Uh… tonight was so much fun. I’d…um, I’d like to do that again sometime.” He managed to say.

“I’d like that very much too.” Jimin said smiling softly.

Jeongguk beamed.

“So, I’ll uh… head out then. Goodnight.”

Jimin walked up to Jeongguk and stood in front of him and looked up. For a brief second Jeongguk panicked that Jimin might kiss him and was his heart capable handling that? But Jimin simply lifted up on his toes a bit and placed a chaste kiss on Jeongguk’s cheek, murmuring a “Goodnight.” With that same soft smile. Then he turned around and entered his apartment with one last look at Jeongguk.

Jeongguk stood rooted at the spot, recapping whether that really just happened. His cheeks tingled from where Jimin’s sweet lips had left behind a feather light symbol of affection. It was affection, right? Jeongguk wondered because suddenly Jeongguk wanted more. He wanted this lovely, kind man’s affections. All to himself.

He faintly registered some hollering coming from inside the apartment, must be Jimin’s roommate, who was clearly teasing him. Jeongguk realised he was still standing there transfixed like a moron and if Jimin were to look through the peep hole he’d freak out. So, he quickly booked it out of there and into the car and drove off in a daze which gave way to a loud cheer and a fist bump. Because the happiness of the long and tiring day culminating into the perfect evening with the beautiful man had finally set in.

As Jeongguk pulled up to his apartment, he realised that Jimin was teaching him. About certain emotions that Jeongguk had never really experienced in his life before, and how he’d love to be on the receiving end of everything Park Jimin. After parking the car, he shot a text to the man he’d just said goodbye to.

Jeongguk: Moths are pretty, I’ll show you some pictures I took of them so you won’t be scared anymore.

After a few minutes Jimin replied.

Dr Park: Apples are tasty, you only have to try my Apple Pie <3

There was that damned heart again, and Jeongguk’s squeal was muffled by the sound of the winter winds.

Chapter Text

Before Jimin, Jeongguk’s life was pretty much set in stone with not a hair out of place. Fierce ambition for his craft occupied a major chunk of his life. His entire purpose revolved around bettering himself at University, doing his damnedest to outshine others in his batch and more often than not succeeding at it. He knew he was good and he was determined to see that he carried forward his dreams of making it big with the thing he loved to do most, immortalising time with a vision.

Everything else, beyond that, was lacklustre. His job was pure pocket money and bill payments, his enthusiasm at socialising sitting pretty low on the charts, and even though he was very loyal to his friends, he wasn’t, rather he couldn’t bring himself to be overly enthusiastic about it. It was as if life was happening to him like he was on a tranquil train journey, that was passing by bland concrete cities. And although there wasn’t any aggression or disturbance as such, there also wasn’t any passion or excitement. Jeongguk only felt electric when he was given a new challenge at the university, a chance to prove himself and create something new.

Namjoon often called Jeongguk an obstinate mule with his unmoving principles and his absolute refusal to change, asked him to maybe expand his horizon, meet new people and live a little more. For Jeongguk, opening up to new people, unknown people, exploring unknown territories, was a big No Thank You. And so, life was going on at an unamusing pace and Jeongguk wasn’t necessarily complaining.

Enter Park Jimin.

Headstrong, and in a headlong rush, somehow with his incredulous abilities was able to bring a chink in the carefully conditioned armour of Jeongguk.

If Jeongguk ponders on it, he didn’t really have to think before plunging into this surprising friendship with Jimin. That first day on the bus, everything had happened so organically that it didn’t leave Jeongguk any room to dwell on his discomfort. He felt no pressure that he had to interact with someone who didn’t belong to his miniscule circle of people.

Jimin was a natural at making people feel at ease, comfortable and cared for.

And Jeongguk felt himself slipping, losing balance, and tasting that first rush of a freefall. Granted it was still quite early, but Jeongguk for all his coconut-headedness knew when to recognise that things had changed. Or rather how he had changed. Because he could sense that Jimin was making him feel something that he hadn’t ever before. He looked forward to the future other than just being successful career-wise. He began wishing, hoping and dreaming. And it was all so ridiculous and sappy, because Jeongguk wasn’t essentially a dreamer outside of his carefully visualised scene of making it big as a photographer. He hoped for the softer things in life. The sweeter things. He wanted to try Jimin’s apple pie. Wanted to consult Jimin if he experienced a bad flu. Wanted to ask the man why he loves his rings so much and why were his fingers so cute? So, yes. It was admittedly ridiculous. But that was exactly how it was. 

Jeongguk was not exactly a romantic. He wanted to fall in love of course, he wasn’t that cold hearted, but he didn’t know how, considering he was so incapable of willing himself to even go on dates. He did have a couple of boyfriends late in high school after he figured out his sexuality, but they were more a tradition rather than anything meaningful. The people he dated and the sparse few that he went on dates with, politely dismissed him by hinting at his inability to be more involved. They made no efforts on their end to try to get to Jeongguk so that he may have a chance to open up. But they never did, they never stayed that long. Eventually getting tired of Jeongguk’s stuttering, his shyness or his lack of any grand romantic gesture. So Jeongguk was pretty much hopeless at this point. More closed off and retracted into his shell, like Namjoon had mentioned the other day- a tortoise. And he had made peace with that image of himself.

But with Jimin, he didn’t even have to try. It was like his heart had finally recognised in Jimin a steadfast confidant and happily laid bare his secrets without Jeongguk’s express approval. Jimin was not judgemental, very patient and incredibly kind. If Jeongguk were to be honest, sometimes he still didn’t quite get why Jimin would even want to spend time with someone like him, but Jimin’s presence each time dismissed his self-deprecation, rinsing his troubled mind into a clean slate.

So, it came as no surprise that Jeongguk was desperate. Desperate to keep Jimin in his life. Because now that he had gotten a taste of how his personality was capable of changing into someone with something akin to passion, someone who was lucky enough to see that never changing smile of Jimin’s, he didn’t want to let that go. Jimin was that glimpse of a promising island in the otherwise mundane mirage of a sea. And maybe his own personal brand of summer.

It’s been 2 full weeks with Jimin being in Jeongguk’s life, and Jeongguk’s in a perpetual state of giddy abandon. They’ve met few more times since their date at the Barbeque place, both being plunged into the preoccupation of the school system. However, each time, Jeongguk was left getting wrapped around Jimin’s orbit slightly more. It was perhaps, a matter of time that he became his personal moon.

They texted incessantly, though. Jimin was a dedicated meme sender, Jeongguk realised early on and he had no fixed time for randomly shooting a text or two with some hilarious pun which had Jeongguk snorting unbecomingly and almost getting kicked out of a class where he’d been so bored, he decided to revisit Jimin’s textual hilarity. Jeongguk, on the other hand, devotedly wished the Red Head Good Morning first thing in the day, and Good Night the last thing at night. Indulging everything else Jimin had to offer through texts in between. One time Jimin had sneakily taken a photo of a corpse’s fingers that they were having class with in anatomy and Jeongguk had been so freaked he had yelped after seeing the thing pop up without a warning, which had enabled a flustered Namjoon to dash to his room stumbling and hitting his toe in the process, resulting in a string of expletives. Jeongguk wasn’t even sure whether Jimin was allowed to take pictures of such things as they were strictly for learning purposes but he had realised by now just how cheeky the man can be.

However, Jeongguk was currently dealing with a major predicament.

Christmas was around the corner and Jeongguk still had no idea what to get Jimin. Their friendship was relatively new, even though on Jeongguk’s end at least, it already held a supreme place in his life, one that now he can’t think of going without. And if Jimin’s behaviour was anything to go by, Jeongguk might tell that he felt the same. It’s funny that in such an extremely short span of time, how much importance Jimin was able to carve for himself. He cannot deny, that whatever he felt for Jimin wasn’t strictly platonic anymore. And although he obviously wasn’t going to rush into anything, Jeongguk still wanted to give Jimin something worth holding onto.

The problem was, Jeongguk was notorious for bad gifts. He was known to be trolled by his friends systematically for being clueless each year. One time he had given Namjoon a shirt that made the poor man look like he had suddenly hit puberty and his muscles were straining to pop the buttons right off the shirt. Turns out the shirt was from a teenage section. Jeongguk was highly embarrassed and tried to indignantly protest that he most certainly did not willingly buy something from the kid’s section, and that, how the shirt ended in the men’s section he had no idea but that he was profoundly sorry and would make it up to Namjoon. Who, in turn had rolled his eyes and tiredly asked him that he practically has been living with Namjoon for years and how could he still not know his right size? Jeongguk had muttered bashful apologies and even though Jeongguk’s failed attempts at gift giving, which made up for some riotous laughter every Christmas, none of his friends really minded. They were way too fond of Jeongguk for that.

But this year Jeongguk most certainly could not afford such tom foolery. This was Jimin, and he was determined to not embarrass himself, more than he probably already does. In his hours of deep contemplation, he suddenly recalled a conversation he’d had with Jimin at one of their outings to a movie, when they were chatting up while the commercials were playing. An odd place to do so, but Jimin was a cute chatterbox.

“Jeonggukie, have you ever had a pet?” Jimin asked quietly in the darkness of the theatre, with the low hum of the commercials playing.

Jeongguk was popping back to back popcorns while also dipping them in the nachos’ dips. He scooted closer to Jimin to respond.

“Um no, I didn’t. My cousin, Poppy, had a cat though, she used to come and stay with us often, she was a furry little thing, the cat.” Jeongguk recalled, licking the dip sauce from his fingers.

Jimin’s face could not be entirely made out in the dim lighting but it was clear that the man had brightened up, in longing.

“I’ve always wanted a cat you know? I had a dog back home when I was a kid, he died after having lived his full life. Both Taehyung and I are so busy with our studies, that at times it gets really tiresome and if we could come home to a cute little kitty welcoming and purring, I’m sure that’d brighten our days considerably.” He sighed.

Jeongguk knew how loving he was towards animals, having taken a walk with him once, when he was out at the shelter, so he could imagine him doting over the cat like his own child along with Tae, who Jeongguk had yet to meet.

“Why didn’t you get one then?” he asked.

“I don’t know, just one of those things you never get around doing I guess.”

The conversation ended there because the movie was starting up again. And Jeongguk had effectively forgotten all about it.

But it had now come back to Jeongguk at a very opportune time. Problems weren’t over though. He then began wondering if giving a cat at the very first Christmas when they’ve not even known each other for a month was too much. If perhaps Jimin might feel overwhelmed. So, he did what he does when he feels his overthinking self, getting a bit out of hand. He called his mother.

“Eomma?”

“Oh! I see my son remembers that he has a poor old mother still around.” His mother mock sighed on the other hand. Her warm voice already calming Jeongguk down considerably.

“I’m sorry Eomma, school’s been very busy lately. Are you and Appa doing all right?”

“We’re fine honey. I’m sorry to hear you won’t be able to make it home for Christmas this year.”

Jeongguk’s parents were to go to Busan like every year during Christmas to visit their extended family, but with end of semester and extra assignments Jeongguk had to pass on that this time.

“Yeah, I’m sorry too. Uh, Eomma I actually called you for something.” He nervously scratched his neck as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Jeongguk’s parents were liberal individuals who had no qualms about who Jeongguk decides to date irrespective of gender. Even then, Jeongguk felt awkward to talk about these things with his mom, like he was still stuck being a teenager.

“Yes Gukie, what is it?”

“So, you know how I am like really bad at giving decent gifts, right?” Jeongguk could hear his mother snickering on the other hand, herself having been the victim of a poorly arranged flower bouquet on one of her birthdays.

“Eomma.” Jeongguk whined.

“I’m sorry baby, go on, I’m listening, I promise.”

“Yeah so, um, I met this guy recently, and we’ve um, sort of become friends and I don’t wanna mess up by giving him something stupid you know? So uh, I was thinking if a cat would be too overbearing as a gift?”

Jeongguk’s mother was quiet for a solid 10 seconds, probably processing what her son just said. Jeongguk had never before called to ask help from his mother for giving anyone anything. So, the sudden need to seek advice and the implication behind it wasn’t lost on her.

“Friend huh? What’s his name?” his mother asked, tone smiling.

Jeongguk didn’t like it because he felt like a kid again where his mother would take one look at him and know that he had stolen butter again. She probably didn’t buy the friend part either.  

“Uh yeah, he works at Namjoon Hyung’s book shop and is studying to be a doctor, his name’s Jimin. Anyway, Eomma the point I—" before Jeongguk could finish his mother near about squealed.

“Oh my God Jeonggukie!  A doctor! Must be such an intelligent boy.” Jeongguk had to agree to that but he had more pressing issues at hand.

“Yes, yes Eomma now will you please listen to me?” he whined once again.

“Okay I’m sorry, so, a cat you say? Well why ever not? I think that’d be such a sweet gift. If the boy is not allergic to cats, that is.”

“Really? You don’t think it’ll be too much?  We’ve not known each other for long.” Jeongguk said uncertainly.

“Baby if you’ve thought enough to get him a cat then you obviously care about him and there’s nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t matter the amount of time one needs to spend to give someone something. It’s the gesture that matters.”

Jeongguk realised that made perfect sense and since Jimin himself had wanted a cat, so it shouldn’t come as an unwanted surprise.

“You’re right. Thanks, Eomma! I’d been beating myself over it for a while.”

“Have you now? Never thought I’d get to hear Jeonggukie being flustered over gifts.” His mother teased.

“Eomma.” Jeongguk deadpanned.

“Alright I’m sorry. When am I meeting this Jimin?” she asked curiously.

“Eommmaaaa! I gotta go, you’ll meet him when you’ll meet him. It’s no big deal.” He said hurriedly. And even though it most certainly was a big deal he was in no mood to deal with his mother’s leg pulling. His mother laughed and let him go after making him promise to call more often and visit after Christmas. 

Now that his gift issue was sorted out, he looked forward to the Christmas party at Jimin and Taehyung’s who were both enthusiastic and self-proclaimed Christmas lovers. In fact, Jimin had gushed about how he always gets so excited that he starts collecting ornaments when it’s still November.

They were all invited, and that included Yoongi and Seokjin. Yoongi, who Jimin had met once when he had come to drop Jeongguk off at Namjoon’s shop. And Jeongguk was surprised to see his friend’s perpetually unimpressed persona crack into a highly rare gummy smile at some of Jimin’s antics. Jeongguk quickly realised that probably even the stoniest of hearts were prone to weakness when it came to Park Jimin. And Seokjin, who Jimin already knew because he was a regular customer at the Paper Tree.

Christmas Eve dawned bright and wintry and was spent doing video calls with his family, who’d reached Busan a day ago. All his family gathering around the small screen and shooting questions a mile a minute and wishing a happy Christmas. Then Jeongguk headed to Namjoon’s shop to help him decorate it for the holidays.

Jeongguk got to witness the enthusiast that was Jimin, first hand. He entered the shop to see Jimin in an oversized orange hoodie, looking unsurprisingly good, even though Jeongguk usually believed that nobody really looked good in that outrageous colour. But once again, Park Jimin with his shockingly red hair, and bright orange garment, looked an absolute vision. An adorable one at that.

He was running around with Mia and another staff, putting up string lights, little floral arrangements and other assortments of festivity. Upon seeing Jeongguk he shrieked a high pitched “Jeonggukie!” and dashed to engulf him in an oversized hug. Jeongguk, feeling highly flustered in all the good ways, hugged him right back and participated in dolling up the place and make it more holiday appropriate. Namjoon usually stayed out of actually trying to put anything in place, known for having two left feet and probably two left hands as well and was content in just handing out the stuff for others to deal with.

At some point, Mia the consummate flirt, pranced over to where Jeongguk was trying to put up a particular string light draping it over one bannister. He sighed, knowing what was to come. Mia was relentless, although not having explicitly stated that he was gay, Jeongguk had made it quite clear that he was not interested romantically in her, because honestly, he didn’t think it was something he needed to proclaim around to keep people he wasn’t into. And even if Jeongguk had befriended one stranger (who no longer can be called that) it didn’t change the fact that Jeongguk was still reluctant towards people he wasn’t comfortable with.

“Hey JK!” she chirped, flicking her fringes a bit.

Jeongguk frowned slightly. Only Yoongi called him that and call him petty but he didn’t like that nickname shared by anyone else.

“Hello Mia.” He said shortly.

“So, you’re coming to Jimin’s party tomorrow, right?” she asked, hope evident in her voice. Jeongguk wanted to roll his eyes, like as if that somehow opened fresh doors for her. And he was somewhat hoping Jimin wouldn’t invite her, it wasn’t that Jeongguk hated the girl. It was just that she was annoying and kinda overbearing. But Jimin being Jimin, had obviously invited his colleagues.

“Uh yeah I am.” He was trying to keep the conversation to a bare minimum hoping she’d leave him alone.

Suddenly Mia drew closer to Jeongguk, and he looked up from the lights to see that she had come dangerously close to his face, and even gone so far as to put a palm on his bicep, softly and very slightly caressing.

“I can’t wait.” She damn near purred, voice loaded with insinuations. What was she thinking? That Jeongguk would kiss her under a mistletoe or something? Jeongguk was about to ask her to back the fuck off, when in that exact unfortunate moment who else but Jimin had to enter.

“Hey Jeonggukie, could you help me—oh.” He stopped short, seeing the clearly compromising position that him and Mia were stuck in, eyeing them uncertainly in what seemed like they were about to kiss. Jeongguk panicked when he saw Jimin’s face and entire posture visibly deflate and the usual happiness that radiated from the man, which thus far Jeongguk had never seen waver, except that one-time Jimin had spoken about his dead dog, crumble. His eyes went through a variety of emotions and if Jeongguk wanted to dwell on it, he could maybe even identify two, Jealousy and Hurt.

“Sorry, um, I’ll leave you two to it.” he said curtly. A tone, Jeongguk had never been subjected to before and he realised he hated it. He never wanted to be on the receiving end of it.

“No, Jimin, wait—” but Jimin had already rounded the corner and disappeared without another word. Mia, in the meantime had the sense to move herself off of Jeongguk, a good thing because if she hadn’t, he couldn’t be sure he wouldn’t have pushed her off himself.

Jeongguk felt extremely annoyed and angry at her. Despite his constant disinterest she had gone too far this time. And now Jimin, most certainly had the wrong idea about them and it did nothing to ease Jeongguk’s panic. All he wanted was to go to Jimin and tell him that he wasn’t into her, there was nothing going on. And never will be. Not with her, not with anyone else.

“JK, I, I’m sorry, I—” Mia began meekly, but Jeongguk cut her off. He wasn’t really rude to people, but right then he was having a hard time reigning it in.

“Mia, look, as much as I want to be flattered by your constant attention, I really am not. I am sorry, but if my disinterest in your advances wasn’t clear enough, let me spell it out for you, I am gay. Okay? I am gay and I am not interested. You are capable of doing well for yourself so please go ahead and find someone who’d reciprocate your affections. And also, call me Jeongguk. Now if you’ll excuse me.” Finally getting her off his back he briskly walked towards the direction Jimin had gone, leaving a gaping Mia.

Jeongguk walked to the reception area, to find Namjoon helping the other staff with something, but Jimin was nowhere to be found.

“Hyung, where’s Jimin?” he asked anxiously, a bad feeling swirling in his system.

“Oh, he suddenly had to leave, said that Taehyung called with some emergency. It’s fine though, we are almost done anyways.”

“Oh.” Jeongguk, feeling highly dejected made way to one of the reading tables, wherefrom Mia thankfully had removed herself, and plopped down. If Jimin left, that means he had felt genuinely hurt. Even though that did incite a slight sense of excitement in Jeongguk that confirmed that maybe Jimin liked him too, it was not more than the guilt and unhappiness that he felt at having him upset. He wanted to make it right, so he took out his phone and dialled Jimin’s number. He was half expecting Jimin to not pick up but the man did.

“Hello?” it stung a bit because Jimin always picked up Jeongguk’s calls with a cheerful “Jeonggukie!”

“Jimin, uh, why did you leave? Hyung said your roommate called with some emergency. Is everything alright?” Jeongguk asked, drawing random patterns on the table absentmindedly.

“No, it’s nothing. Don’t worry about it. Listen I gotta go though, I’ll see you tomorrow yeah?” Jeongguk, in all his 21 years of adulthood, wanted to cry. And he hadn’t cried over anyone that wasn’t his grandmother, when she was sick and over his love for photography for when he couldn’t give his very best at times. It was absolutely ridiculous but he had become so very accustomed to Jimin’s warmth, care and just general affection and attention that the Red Head bestowed on him tirelessly that this indifference and dismissiveness made Jeongguk’s heart hurt.

Jimin had misunderstood him, must have thought Jeongguk was some sort of a casual flirt and all he wanted at that moment was to run to the guy and gather him up in his arms while offering a hundred apologies. However, he could do none of that and was only able to muster a choked, “Okay, yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Cool. Bye Jeongguk.” And the call ended.

Jeongguk clutched the phone to his ear for several more seconds, trying hard not to be a fool in broad daylight. He seemed to have been making plenty of realisations of late, as he was hit by a fresh one.

There was absolutely no denying the fact that Jeongguk had well and truly fallen for Jimin, if he’s current hypersensitive state of not being able to right the situation and comfort and reassure him was anything to go by. Jeongguk didn’t care. Didn’t care that this might be deemed as a whirlwind romance, that this might turn out to be a temporary infatuation or whatever else. He knew what it was. It ran deeper than anything he’d ever felt even remotely for anyone before. It seemed like Jeongguk didn’t even have to try. It was like he just stood there and watched as Jimin unfolded his heart and made a place, all comfortable and cozy. Whatever he was feeling was because of the wonders that seem to follow wherever Jimin went. Who could even resist someone so amazing?

Ever since that first week, when he thought he’d never see the Red Head again. Jeongguk had never really stood a chance. And maybe Jeongguk wasn’t sure if he could tell Jimin how he felt anytime soon, he sure as hell wasn’t gonna let the other man cherish any misconceptions that Jeongguk could ever be anyone but his.

He didn’t know how long he sat there, wallowing in his misery, but soon Namjoon came to tell him that he’s closing early and that they were to head home.

“Guk, you alright? You look kinda pale.” He asked concernedly.

“I’m fine Hyung. Let’s just go.” Jeongguk said quietly.

Namjoon seemed like he wanted to push it, but decided not to, as it was clear Jeongguk needed space. So, they drove back home with some podcasts playing in the background that Namjoon liked listening to. Jeongguk, spaced out, and kept his eyes closed throughout the way.

Later that night, after the clock struck 12, he shot Jimin a text.

Jeongguk: Merry Christmas, Jimin.

He waited and waited but a response never came.

This time Jeongguk didn’t stop the tears from rolling down the sides of his eyes and onto the pillow. He vowed that he’d never hurt Jimin again.

Little did he know then, that he was shit at keeping promises.

Chapter Text

Jeongguk woke up on Christmas morning, sad.

It was rare because Jeongguk’s quota of emotions filled to the brim in perhaps a week’s activity. But here he was, feeling unbelievably gloomy with what happened in a matter of minutes. He checked his phone and his heart sank a little more to see no replies from Jimin. At this rate he began questioning whether he was really invited to the party anymore, but then he recalled Jimin saying he’ll see him tomorrow.

More than anything, Jeongguk wanted to make things right. And give Jimin his gift, explain to him. And hopefully the man would forgive him. Jeongguk didn’t know what he would do if Jimin didn’t.

He made his way out to the living room to find a hyperactive Namjoon, bustling about with a huge coffee mug, bigger than his usual, and making breakfast of pancakes. It was unusual for Namjoon to venture into the kitchen given how he usually tended to fuck things up, but from what Jeongguk could make out, he was doing surprisingly well.

“Hey, Joon.” Jeongguk said.

Namjoon turned around after flipping a pancake onto a plate and made his way around the kitchen and on Jeongguk in seconds engulfing him in a bear hug and going so far as to plant a wet kiss on his forehead.

“Jeonggukie! My baby brother! Happy Christmas! And to prove that it indeed is one, I haven’t burned down the kitchen. See?” he waved a hand towards where the food was, with flourish.

Jeongguk despite his sour mood, broke into a smile at Namjoon’s exuberance. He was sporting his trademark red socks with a white border and his extremely uncomfortable looking scraggly old grey knit sweater that he pulled out every Christmas.

“Happy Christmas, Hyung.”

And then Namjoon was pulling him over to the counter and seating him down. Making a pancake pillar and smothering it with syrup and butter and conjured two mugs of hot chocolate including his own huge one. Then he himself sat down and happily dug in, seemingly very proud at having successfully cooked them breakfast.

“Thanks for the breakfast, Hyung. How did you even manage to get all this together without hurting yourself?”

“Hey now, young man, there’s no need to get snarky. I am only a little clumsy at times, that’s all.” Namjoon said haughtily.

Jeongguk snickered.

“So, you got Jiminie anything yet?”

At the mention of his name, Jeongguk sighed and his shoulders slumped. Namjoon noticed and placed a hand over Jeongguk’s elbow.

“Did something happen? Ever since Jimin left yesterday you seem to be upset.”

Jeongguk licked the syrup off the spoon and put it down and told Namjoon what had happened.

“Fuck. Mia is such an airhead. What was she thinking coming onto you like that?!” Namjoon said, clearly pissed.

“It’s fine Hyung. She apologised. She’s always been clingy like that. I just want to explain to Jimin that it wasn’t anything like he saw. He hasn’t replied to any of my texts.” He said in a small voice.

Namjoon clucked sympathetically.

“It’ll be fine Guk. You’re gonna see him tonight, Jimin doesn’t seem like someone to hold grudges. I’m sure he’ll understand.” Namjoon reassured.

Jeongguk could only hold onto that. After breakfast they set up their little tree, a small and humble affair which the two of them decorated with their frugal ornaments. But that was fine. It didn’t feel complete without a Christmas tree, in whatever minimal glory.

Jeongguk was never one to buy gifts on time and so as per usual he found himself venturing out, after Namjoon left for his shop, who kept it open for a few hours on Christmas Day because apparently, Jeongguk wasn’t the only one who forgets their holiday chores.

Jeongguk was determined to not fail this time, with anyone’s gifts. So, he decided to buy a book of quotations for Namjoon because lord knew the man was into that stuff. A small camera bag for Yoongi, because he had heard him grumble of late how he needed an upgrade, and a Pierre Cardin, encased in a red velvet box for Seokjin. At least the cheapest of the lot, because even though Jeongguk got paid well from his nanny job, he couldn’t really afford the more expensive ones. He felt pretty proud of himself and wondered where this common sense was all those years when he categorically fucked gifts up. It was simply a matter of observation and a little insight.

He finally went to an adoption centre for puppies, kittens and rabbits. Jeongguk debated a little outside the place, making sure he wasn’t going overboard, once more, but his mother’s words of how the gesture of it was the most important thing and that there wasn’t anything to feel nervous about came back to him. Plus, right now he desperately needed to be back in Jimin’s good graces. The uneasiness at the pit of his stomach and Jimin’s disappointed eyes still made him want to abandon everything and rush to him. But he couldn’t, he wanted to make things right, the right way. He decided on a chubby little Munchkin breed, all soft eyes imploring for some love which Jeongguk was sure she was gonna get from her new owner. She was perfect really, had a white coat with splashes of black and specks of orange.

He got the kitten safely wrapped and placed in a pretty cane basket and decided to add some finishing touches later at home. She was already vaccinated and everything so she was good to go, and after grabbing a few cans of cat food, a litter box as the kitten was already litter trained, a few toys and a scratching mat, Jeongguk finally left the place. Armed with everything, Jeongguk made his way back to the apartment. He placed everything carefully on the coffee table, and took the kitty to his bedroom. the little thing was seemingly pleased with her cozy lay and purred quietly.

Jeongguk rubbed her soft tiny head and she purred even more, happy.

“I hope through you I’ll be able to tell him how much I like him, and that I’m so very sorry.” The cat let out a tiny meow, eyes blinking open blearily. Jeongguk cooed at the sight.

“Aren’t you a good little girl? You’ll be good for him, won’t you?” the kitten purred some more and nuzzled into Jeongguk’s palm.

“Of course, you will.” He brushed his lips softly on top of the kitten’s head and she snuggled closer into the basket preparing for another nap.

He then went ahead to take a hot bath and came out to see Namjoon had returned, who upon seeing the kitten nearly convulsed with affection till Jeongguk had to ask him to calm the fuck down, which he did, after substantial difficulty. They decided to get ready seeing as it was already evening and time for the party. Yoongi and Seokjin were going to drop by at their place and all of them were to then head out together.

For a change, Jeongguk had a no brainer when it came to the outfit for the night. It was Christmas, and that called for all the hideous sweaters to parade in glory. He could only hope that Jimin wouldn’t hate him for wearing what he was about to.

He donned his green (may as well be called the leprechaun green) and red pullover with a gigantic reindeer’s face stitched at the front. If one chose to put too much thought into it, the reindeer was capable of spooking people in the dark. But Jeongguk didn’t mind. At least for one day. He put on a pair of brown corduroys and brushed his blackish brown hair off his forehead, calling it a day and hoping for the best.

Namjoon too, was in his ugly sweater from the morning and upon seeing Jeongguk, emerge from his bedroom, he barked out a laugh.

“God, that never fails to be ugly!”

“Well same to you, Joonie.” Jeongguk said putting on his scarf.

“I know right?” Namjoon said cheerfully, and just then the doorbell rang and in came an impeccably dressed, in an off-white sweater and beige pants, Kim Seokjin and a casual as all hell in his dark blue turtleneck and faded denims with a denim jacket thrown on top, Min Yoongi.

“You both take bad Christmas fashion to another level.” Yoongi said flatly, eyeing Namjoon and Jeongguk’s outfit while Seokjin snickered.

“Shut up. We’re endearing.” Namjoon defended airily.

They decided to exchange their gifts at their place before leaving. Jeongguk received a brand-new headset from Namjoon (and Jeongguk may or may not have jumped the man out of sheer ecstasy), a fancy wristwatch from Seokjin, and a promise of free lunch till the next semester from Yoongi. While for some, Yoongi’s gift might seem miserly but hell, free food for students were better than the most expensive shit in the world, and Jeongguk happily looked forward to pilfering Yoongi’s wallet for all the sandwiches and milkshakes he would enjoy in the upcoming days.

Needless to say, Jeongguk’s friends stared in absolute shock at the gifts they received from Jeongguk this year.

“What the fuck? Did you make someone else shop for you this year?” Yoongi asked, voice full of suspicion.

Namjoon looked close to tears, holding the book of quotes to his chest while Seokjin stared in disbelief at the luxurious red velvet encased pen.

“Guk, this… what?” Seokjin muttered dumbly.

Jeongguk felt pleased to have delivered at least once. A change from his usual fuck ups. He rubbed at his nape and said,

“No. I, I really thought hard, I didn’t want to disappoint you guys yet again. I’m sorry I have always been so bad at this.” He said sheepishly. Namjoon made a fond noise of protest while Seokjin sighed happily.

“Oh, the wonders of love and a boyfriend.” Yoongi sighed dramatically.

“Jimin’s not my boyfriend!” Jeongguk sputtered.

“Didn’t even mention him, buddy.” Yoongi smirked and walked out the door. And Jeongguk realised once again, there’s no winning with Min Yoongi.

Jeongguk went to his bedroom to pick up the sleepy kitten and after giving her some cat food, which she happily devoured and thanked with a ‘meow’, he made towards the door. Seokjin eyed the feline and still seemed a bit shocked from the surprising turn of events and even Yoongi who usually masked any drastic change of expression with his usual nonchalance, seemed highly amused at that being Jimin’s gift.

“Not a word, let’s go.” Jeongguk huffed.

“I beg to differ but, whipped.” Yoongi smirked. Seokjin and Namjoon stifled their laughter and Jeongguk ignored them as usual.

They all filed into Seokjin’s car, and set off towards Jimin and Taehyung’s apartment.

Upon reaching, Jeongguk’s apprehension slammed into him full force. He clutched the basket handle tightly, as if the sleeping kitten might somehow provide his mind some solace. Jimin still hadn’t replied, did he really hate Jeongguk now? Had he lost his chance of being with Jimin without even trying for it? Without even telling him? His mind weighed all sorts of murky possibilities and they’d already reached the doorstep and Namjoon had placed a loud and cheerful knock on the door.

There was the sound of music coming from within, some sort of Christmas carol, and laughter. The exterior of the door held a pretty wreath and some string lights.

Footsteps could be heard and then the door opened to reveal a smiling Jimin.

Jeongguk’s heart did a lurch. It had only been 24 hours since he’d last seen that smile and it already made him feel like 100 days of starvation.

‘Oh! You guys made it!” he said happily hugging Namjoon, Seokjin and Yoongi. While Jimin was talking to Seokjin, Namjoon shot Jeongguk a look, who was standing a bit behind from the rest, nervously shifting from one foot to the other. A look of reassurance and ushered the other two inside until it was just Jimin and Jeongguk at the doorway.

Jeongguk felt his heart speed up exponentially as if sensing that there was only Jimin in front of him. And then Jimin looked up at him. Wearing a blinding red sweater, giving his red hair a run for its money, with a face of Santa Claus that could rival the ugliness of Jeongguk’s reindeer, and a pair of simple black jeans. Jeongguk instinctively smiled, seeing that apparently Jimin shared his ridiculousness of Christmas fashion. But then he looked at Jimin to see his expression a little guarded as he stared back at Jeongguk.

“Hi.” Jimin said timidly, a small smile adorning those full lips.

“Hi.” Jeongguk breathed, he was still clutching the basket in a death grip, and if both of them weren’t busy staring at each other like nothing else existed, Jimin would have noticed it, and Jeongguk would have already offered.

“Jimin, listen, I—” but before he could continue any further, thereupon descended a tall man in a blue and yellow gingham printed sweater, with a Santa hat perched on top of a head full of turquoise coloured hair, and blue pants. Jeongguk blinked a bit, hit with the cacophony of colours that both Jimin and the man were emitting.

“Jiminieeee!” the Turquoise Head screeched, throwing an arm around Jimin’s shoulders, “What’s taking you so long? Hobi Hyung is stealing all your egg nogs, oh—hello there! Merry Christmas!” he turned to Jeongguk noticing him.

“Uh, hi, Merry Christmas to you too.” Jeongguk said, awkwardly.

“Jeongguk, this is my roommate Kim Taehyung. Tae, this is Jeon Jeongguk.” Jimin said.

So, this was the Pain in the Ass roommate with a fetish for hair colours.

“THE Jeongguk??” Taehyung said eyes wide. Jeongguk felt himself blush.

“Tae!” Jimin scolded, embarrassed.

“Oh, hush Minnie! Jeongguk, it’s so nice to finally meet you, and before Jimin very rudely excluded, I am also his best friend for life. I have heard a lot abou—” before he could finish Jimin unceremoniously pushed Taehyung inside.

“That’s enough! Go and save my egg nogs from Hobi. C’mon!” he shoved the man in while Taehyung sputtered some indignant protests but relented.

“So um, come in.” Jimin looked at Jeongguk meekly, his cheeks tinted a lovely rosy shade and Jeongguk had to fight his urges to plant a kiss on them.

“Look, Jimin, about yesterday I-” Jeongguk began, unable to keep it in any longer.

“Let’s…um, can we talk about this later? Please?” Jimin looked imploringly at him and even though Jeongguk wanted to push it, he thought it’d anyways probably be better to save it for later.

“Okay, yeah. Okay.”  He said, and Jimin smiled, and Jeongguk felt the icicles in his heart melt, if only a little.

Jimin turned to get inside the apartment, when Jeongguk said,

“Uh, Jimin?”

“Yeah?”

“Merry Christmas?”

“Merry Christmas, Jeongguk.”

Jeongguk felt a lot closer to home.

Inside, the apartment was in an absolute riot. The good kind. Christmas decorations filled every space and more, as if the two roommates just decided to place the ones that didn’t fit anywhere anymore, to random places just so all could participate in the celebrations. A decent sized tree adorned one corner of the living room beside the windows, gifts littered below it, the light from the yellow string lights made the whole place resemble a cozy, cluttered cavern. The coffee table was full with snacks and baked goods. There were blankets placed on the floor, so one could choose to sit there if they wanted. Everything was highly homey and comfortable and just the right amount of Christmassy.

Jimin ushered Jeongguk in, who did, after toeing off his shoes, the kitten basket still in his hand. Namjoon was sitting on the ground in front of the coffee table with his back resting on the sofa, between Seokjin’s legs who was on the sofa, beside him Yoongi sat. Taehyung was in the opposite side of Namjoon and beside him Jeongguk noticed and unknown man, who he assumed to be Hobi Hyung, with a blinding smile and honey brown hair already eagerly chatting with Namjoon and the others. Behind them there was a smaller loveseat and that was the only unoccupied place in the entire living room. Jeongguk noticed that Mia hadn’t showed up and for that he felt profoundly thankful.

Both of them walked over and sat on the loveseat. And instantly Taehyung piped up,

“Well fucking finally Jiminie! Thought you were gonna hog his attention all on your own.” He said eating a chocolate muffin.

Jimin almost choked on his own spit.

The Blinding Smile guy swatted at Taehyung’s shoulder.

“Tae! Stop pestering the poor guy.” He admonished.

Jimin quickly cut in before his best friend could embarrass him any further, introducing Jeongguk and Jung Hoseok, aka, Hobi. 

“Uh Jeongguk?” Jimin suddenly asked quietly from beside him.

“Hm?” Jeongguk asked distractedly petting the kitten over the small yellow blanket. Completely forgetting that he was supposed to give it to Jimin.

“Why do you have a cat in a basket?” he asked trying to suppress a smile.

Namjoon, Yoongi and Seokjin snorted loudly while Taehyung and Hoseok looked on with interest.

Jeongguk went red, looking down at the basket that he had tied a red ribbon to on the handle.

“It’s um, it’s for you, uh… your g-gift.” Jeongguk felt his ears grow hot in anticipation of Jimin’s reaction.

Jimin stared at him dumbfoundedly and blinked at Jeongguk several times.

“Me?”

“Y-yeah, um, you’d once mentioned how you and Taehyung would feel so much better if you had a cat, you know, to brighten up your day, as a companion… I, I mean, I just thought that—uh, it’s a Munchkin breed. Y-you don’t have to accept if you think it’s too much, I’ll just—” before Jeongguk could go any further with his incessant, stuttered rambling, a small weight landed on his lap with absolute urgency. Thankfully he had the sense to put the kitty beside him on the floor. And then the next thing he knew, he was being tackled on the loveseat, engulfed in the scent of summer and the perfect weight of one Park Jimin.

Jeongguk was practically lying on his back while Jimin was right on top of him, in complete disregard of their audience.

“What have you done?” Jimin breathed. Pretty brown eyes in an absolute and utter glow with happiness. Jeongguk could may as well have taken a detour in their galaxies.

“I- it’s n-nothing.” Jeongguk whispered.

They both stared at each other, breaths mingling, smelling of chocolate and winter, eyelashes fluttering, maybe a little nudge and their lips would have met when right then the Munchkin meowed loudly and Kim Taehyung shrieked. The moment broke like glass. Jimin reluctantly disentangled himself from Jeongguk, his cheeks red and eyes shyly averted. Jeongguk was pretty sure he wasn’t any better. Their friends made various noises of different animals at their sudden display of affection.

The kitten was then given thorough attention. Jimin picked up the little thing, tickling below her chin with a forefinger blissfully happy, while the others and Taehyung in particular was practically swooning. Jimin looked up at Jeongguk with eyes bright and glistening slightly with unshed tears, a smile as radiant as that first day they had met on that goddamned bus. Jeongguk probably had the internal realisation for the umpteenth time that he would do anything to keep that smile remaining etched always, unchanging. 

“Jeon Jeongguk! You’re a fucking keeper. I’d say welcome to the family!” Taehyung gleamed enthusiastically.

“Can’t believe this is a Christmas gift, oh my god! Why don’t I meet cute strangers on buses more often, or at all?” Hoseok said with a dramatic whine.

“Hyung!” Jimin shouted indignantly. Jeongguk couldn’t help the absolute joy of a smile from stretching his lips apart, ducking his head bashfully.

While the others busied themselves in fawning over the new member some more, Jimin scooted closer to Jeongguk and whispered a quiet, “Thank you.” Intertwining their fingers together. Jeongguk thought his Christmas miracle might just be coming true.

From then on, conversation flowed with an ease that probably stemmed from the celebratory cheer and general goodwill. He learned that Hoseok was a dancer and co-owned a dance academy which was quite successful, that Taehyung was a nurse, which Jimin had already told him about, but Taehyung added how he can’t wait to be Robin to Jimin’s Batman and assist him in surgeries, earning a smack on his forearm from his best friend, followed by loud laughter.

Despite everyone not having known each other completely except just in passing conversations, the seven of them fell into a symphony that led Jeongguk to believe that maybe they were always meant to be friends. And he thought once again, what a small world.

Jeongguk couldn’t help steal glances at Jimin every now and then that filled his heart to the extent of flooding over. He had the kitten cradled lovingly on his lap, even though Taehyung was trying his best to steal her away for himself, but had his efforts thwarted by a possessive Jimin, who was running light fingers on the sleepy kitty’s small head, smiling brighter than ever.

Soon enough the revelry died down to the seven of them, laxing out in various positions after a boisterous night of too sweet food, and some hilarious games. Taehyung said that they should be cliché and watch Christmas movies and so Home Alone was set up and played on the TV in the living room and everyone rearranged their seating positions for their viewing pleasure. Jimin had, in the meantime, removed himself stealthily from beside Jeongguk and extracted a small package from beneath the Christmas tree and returned beside Jeongguk.

“Jeonggukie, do you wanna go to the terrace for a while?” he whispered. And Jeongguk had never agreed to anything quicker. And so, after nestling the kitten in Taehyung’s lap who eagerly took her without turning his head, they found themselves climbing out of the fire escape, leaving without the others noticing, too engrossed in the shenanigans ensuing on screen.

They emerged up into the cold winter night, the sky smothered in a layer of clouds, the air having a persistent bite to it. The distant, ever present hum of the sirens and other sounds of the city that never sleeps. There were lights coming from every direction, from the buildings around them, essentially a student neighbourhood, revelling in the Christmas cheer. Sounds of music and partying, loud and glad, while also some quiet croon of a Christmas carol or two.

Everyone and everything was awake.

Jimin walked towards the front of the building, near the parapet and sat down on an elevated platform. He turned his face towards Jeongguk, who was still standing in a daze a few feet behind Jimin, and beckoned him with a smile and a little nod and Jeongguk found himself walking towards and sitting down beside him.

“It’s been a couple years that I’ve been spending Christmas without my family.” Jimin said quietly, looking out onto the city ahead and below.

“Yeah?” Jeongguk replied.

“Yeah, I couldn’t afford to go every year and my parents couldn’t come either. And although I miss spending it with them, I have found my own little family here, miles away from home.” he said, clasping his hands together on his knees that were pulled up to his chest. Jeongguk dared to hope if he was included in that family.

As if reading his mind, Jimin said, “Tae was right.” and then he looked towards Jeongguk and smiled, “Welcome to the family.”

Jeongguk could only mirror the smile of the beautiful boy who was sitting beside him as he felt elation overtake his heart. Jimin then picked up the small box that Jeongguk had seen him take and handed it to Jeongguk. Chewing his lower lip shyly.

“Um, this-- this is for you. I don’t think it matches up with what you’ve given me. I’ve never really received anything quite so thoughtful either in my life before. And that’s saying something because Tae is an extravagant motherfucker.” He laughed and Jeongguk did too. “So, yeah. I hope you like it.” he muttered, before hastily shoving the gift onto Jeongguk’s lap.

“Jimin, you should know, that even if you give me a yarn of wool, I’d probably go ahead and put it up on display.” Jeongguk said, seriously and Jimin burst into his usual bodily laughter.

“Open it, you dork.” He urged. And so open Jeongguk did only to be promptly stolen of any retorts of a thank you.

Inside the brown paper box, was a beautiful vintage polaroid camera. Polished black in all its classic faded glory, fully functional and extremely proud.

Jeongguk held the camera and had a similar reaction to the one Jimin was having a while ago, staring at him at an absolute loss for words.

“I don’t know, um, if you have one already, but I was passing by this shop and saw this on the window and I don’t know, it seemed like the perfect gift for you.” He said, nervously, looking down at his hands and then taking a peek out of his fringes.

Jeongguk at that moment was filled with such profound fondness that he had to chill for like two seconds because of how overwhelmed he felt. He had always contemplated on buying a polaroid, just for those instantaneous memory making that it’s so popular for.

“Jimin, I… I’ve always wanted one, I just… how did you even know?” Jeongguk stammered.

“I guess, I just did. Seeing how you are so passionate about photography. I want you to make more memories with it.” Jimin whispered, looking at Jeongguk in all honesty.

“Only if you promise to be a part of those memories.” Jeongguk heard himself saying, registering a moment later of the implications of what he said.

Jimin’s eyes considerably widened. His sweet, sweet lips forming a small ‘o’.

Jeongguk moved closer to Jimin, taking his smaller hand on his larger ones and intertwining their fingers once again, deciding to go ahead with his beating heart.

“Jimin, I want to tell you that I am sorry. Yesterday, what you saw, it… I wasn’t. Mia, she’d always had this crush on me or whatever and she caught me off guard, I didn’t, I swear. I wouldn’t…” Jeongguk trailed off, thinking if he’d done a good enough job of convincing Jimin.

Jimin cradled Jeongguk’s face, who had lowered it in the process, and lifted it up to meet his eyes. Slowly brushing his thumb over the soft skin below his eyes.

“Jeongguk, I know now. You’ve nothing to apologise for. If anything, I am sorry. I don’t know… what suddenly came over me. I couldn’t fight it. I’m sorry, I didn’t reply to you either, I acted so petty. I just… I felt so sad. And I can’t explain. It—well, it got the better of me.” Jimin said, lowering his eyes a bit, regretful.

“I felt sad too. I realised I absolutely hated you not paying attention to me.” Jeongguk said with a little laugh. And Jimin looked up and smiled as well. “And I hated making you upset too…” Jeongguk whispered.

Jeongguk brought his own palms up and placed it on top of Jimin’s whose hands were still on Jeongguk’s face.

“Jimin?” Jeongguk whispered, looking straight into Jimin’s eyes.

“Mm?” Jimin hummed, leaning in ever so slightly.

“Will you make my Christmas wish come true?” Jeongguk leaned in as well, lowering his eyes to Jimin’s lips who ran a tongue across his plush bottom lip.

“And what would that be?” Jimin breathed, although his stance gave him away, that he probably already knew.

“Will you let me kiss you?”

Jimin’s reply was a small movement, falling into the miniscule space that was there between the two of them. Eyes fluttering shut in utter contentment as their lips met in a sweet, slow frenzy. Jimin tasted like how his heart was, sweet, soft and full of the kindest emotions. A little like chocolate from their earlier feast, a little like himself, bright and happy and Jeongguk doubted if he ever wanted, ever needed to be anywhere else besides this moment. Whether it was really necessary to carry on with life when he could stay right here with Jimin, kissing with intention while the city celebrated. The intimacy and familiarity of their close proximity, was so scary yet exhilarating, Jeongguk doubted if Jimin was ever a stranger, maybe he was always there, Jeongguk just had to find him.

They kissed for who knows how long, when finally, they had to come apart for air, still lingering a breath away, foreheads touching, Jimin’s hand making light movements at the base of Jeongguk’s nape. Jeongguk opened his eyes to the breath-taking image of a completely beautiful and vulnerable Jimin, eyes still closed, his long lashes splayed over his soft cheeks, a small smile pulling at the corner of his rosy lips, a little swollen from the action from a while ago.

How heartbreakingly perfect.

He dared to wind an arm around Jimin’s waist, pulling him closer. The move making Jimin open his eyes and shift his hands down to Jeongguk’s chest. Smiling like there was no tomorrow.

“Jimin?”

“Yeah?”

“Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Jeonggukie.”

And if they indulged in sharing their breath for a little more under the only witness of the winter sky, nobody had to know.

Chapter Text

Jeongguk was on the proverbial ninth cloud and seventh heaven. And if someone were to ask him why, he would probably just smile like a goof and scream Park Jimin, because that was reason enough.

The kiss on the night of Christmas had opened the Narnian floodgates of his heart and Jeongguk was eagerly taken by it. Suddenly all his senses were Jimin, Jimin, Jimin. His camera roll was full of Jimin’s pictures, he sketched Jimin on his sketchbooks which he essentially used for brainstorming ideas, he took the would-be doctor out to multiple coffee and muffin dates till every single café in their vicinity was visited and vouched for.

He kissed Jimin a million more times since that night, each time leaving an inferno in its wake, keeping him warm on the coldest of nights. He fell asleep to sweet nothings from Jimin, his soft voice like a lullaby, easing the toughest of knots in his heart. Jeongguk firmly believed that Jimin was the man of his dreams. And the ironic thing was, he probably didn’t even dream all that often.

Jimin, with his touch like Midas had singlehandedly turned Jeongguk’s life into a beautiful shade of gold. Nothing else mattered. Only Jimin did. It may have been scary for some people, because of how much and how deep Jeongguk was feeling for the beautiful man, in a matter of weeks, but to Jeongguk the feeling was dizzying, like he was on a rollercoaster’s freefall. And Jeongguk was loving every second of it.

He was pretty sure he’d do anything for Jimin. Would naively attempt to rewrite the stars should the man ask him to do so.  He was thoroughly enamoured and there was no going back. They hadn’t put any label on what they were, but it didn’t matter. Not in the slightest. All that really mattered was that Jimin was his.

The end of the year was fast approaching and Jeongguk probably had never felt happier in his life. He couldn’t believe that this year he had someone all to himself to share it with. Someone to kiss when the clock struck 12. Someone to walk with to a brand-new year. He had never really been one to get excited about these things like how Namjoon did. It was just another year ending, just them getting older. Usually thinking like a nihilistic 50-year-old. But probably his youth was rekindled too, along with a volley of other things, by Jimin.

Jeongguk wanted to do something special on New Year’s Eve. New York was the hub of celebration in usually a lot of things but New Year’s Eve was a different story altogether. Namjoon and Jeongguk along with Seokjin and Yoongi had visited Times Square once in the past for the iconic Ball Drop, screaming and cheering among the multitude of revellers, otherwise preferring to hole up in Namjoon and Jeongguk’s apartment with a stocked ammunition of chilled beers and a wide variety of take out and fried chicken, getting drunk within an inch of their lives and beginning the New Year with a promising hangover. And then carrying on with their lives.

However, none of those seemed appealing anymore. He had Jimin with him, and he was determined to make it memorable for him, so that he talks about that first New Year’s Eve he spent with Jeongguk for years to come. Maybe Jeongguk was just overwhelmed or maybe he was in a mad rush, but he had somehow conditioned his heart to never be without Jimin. And Jeongguk was happy. Not the borrowed, impersonal happiness, neither those that came from materialistic accomplishments. This was the flowers blooming, sunrise inducing, laughter brewing kind. And it was Goddamn amazing.

He returned from his nanny job in the evening. Shuffling through the door and hanging his coat and kicking off his shoes. It was Sunday evening and Namjoon was home sprawled over the couch, reading the Quotation book that Jeongguk gave him. Jeongguk walked over to the couch and propped himself promptly over the prostrate form of his friend.

“Ooof!” Namjoon puffed out, as Jeongguk landed on his stomach.

“Whatcha doing?” he asked.

“First off, get the fuck off me you Hulk. God you weigh like a ton of bricks!” Namjoon huffed shoving Jeongguk right off, so he landed on his ass on the floor.

“Ouch. Rude, Hyung.” Jeongguk said, opting to sit cross legged beside the coffee table.

Namjoon peered at him suspiciously from over his glasses. Closing the book and placing it beside him.

“Uh, what? The Jeongguk I used to know would have thrown hands at me for the double offence there.” He said.

“Double offence?” Jeongguk asked, cocking his head to one side and blinking innocently.

“Calling you heavy and shoving you off. What the fuck happened to your violent streak Gukie?” he asked, removing his glasses and still eyeing him with suspicion.

Jeongguk snorted, “Wow. You really make me sound like some sort of psychopath who used to torture you or something once upon a time.”

“I wouldn’t put it past you.” Namjoon muttered.

“What?” Jeongguk asked.

“Nothing. So, what the hell happened? You look surprisingly chipper for someone who had to babysit a 6-year old with tantrums.”

“I love Milli, and I love children.”

Namjoon shot up at record speed. Glasses almost falling off his chest.

“Okay that second part is such a huge ass lie coming from you, because you don’t and Milli is an exception and it’s highly creeping me out man.”

Jeongguk laughed at Namjoon’s stunned expression.

“Joon what the hell. I am not some heartless guy.”

“Possible.”

A smack landed on Namjoon’s right shin.

“Ow! See now that is very Jeongguk-like. I’m a little relieved I haven’t completely lost my adorable muscle pig.”

Jeongguk rolled his eyes and laid down flat on the carpet, staring up at the ceiling.

“I wanna do something nice for Jimin on New Year’s Eve.” He murmured.

Namjoon slid down the couch and sat beside him on the floor.

“Oooh. I see how it is. All this sudden optimism and rose-tinted glasses shit is because of a certain Red Head huh?” Namjoon said, poking Jeongguk at the ribs.

Jeongguk rolled away from him a little and replied in all honesty, “Yeah, it is.”

Namjoon had probably not expected such sincerity because he scooted closer to Jeongguk.

“You really like him, don’t you Guk?” he asked softly.

A small, fond smile appeared on Jeongguk’s face and he replied, “I do, Hyung. I really, really do. He is… he is just perfect.”

“I am happy for you Guk. I don’t remember the last time I have seen you talk so fondly about a guy.”

“That’s probably because it never happened. I’ve never felt this way before. God! I am such a giant cliché!” Jeongguk laughed.

Namjoon sprawled his legs out front and said, “Who cares if it’s cliché or not? If he makes you happy, then that’s all that matters.”

“He does. I’ve been the happiest in these past few weeks than I have in a long time.”

“Then go ahead and go all out and spoil him. What did you have in mind?”

“That’s the deal. I haven’t a single clue. I’m such a fucking novice. I’ve never had to do shit like this. I’ve… well, nobody’s ever gotten this far with me.” He said the last part quietly, playing with the hem of his sweater.

“Well it was worth the wait then huh?” Namjoon said, ruffling his hair and getting off the floor. “What do you say we microwave some popcorn and rewatch some Marvel?”

Jeongguk instantly perked up at that and got off the floor as well, rushing to the bedroom to get changed into comfortable stuff and emerging like a good boy in record time. Namjoon laughed fondly and they spent the rest of the evening in the sort of calm that movies and junk food seem to bring.

Later that night after dinner, Jeongguk decided to brainstorm ideas. After a while though he got exhausted as nothing good came to mind. He also wondered if Jimin already had made plans that day. Jeongguk was so high on his own stuff that he didn’t really stop to think whether Jimin would even want to spend that day with Jeongguk just as much as Jeongguk wanted to. He really hoped he did though. So, he decided that instead of speculating and moping he should just call and ask Jimin.

He took his phone off the bedside table and pulled the video calling app and tapped the call icon and waited patiently for it to connect, fixing his hair here and there a little self-consciously. They usually indulged in spontaneous calls such as these. And Jimin never seemed to mind. Being into it just as much as Jeongguk was. After a couple rings, the screen came into view to show a slightly pixelated but just as pretty Jimin, smiling widely at the screen.

“Jeonggukie!” Jimin screeched, in his usual happy high-pitched voice.

Jeongguk felt that familiar wave of fondness wash over him and he returned Jimin’s enthusiasm, smiling happily.

“Hey. Were you busy?” he asked.

“Very!” Jimin replied with a mischievous glint and proceeded to turn the camera towards Taehyung, who was sitting on the couch beside him, cuddling a sleepy but eager Luna (which was what Jimin had named the kitten). Taehyung’s deep voice uttering all sorts of incoherent gibberish in a baby voice could be heard through the phone and Jeongguk laughed.

“You’re having fun.” He said.

“I’m always having fun these days with this little fur ball. Never a dull day.” Jimin gushed. He never failed to remind Jeongguk every other day just how thankful he is for Jeongguk’s gift and how he already adores the feline with every bit of his heart.

From the background Taehyung shouted a “Hi Jeonggukie!” and Jeongguk greeted back. Jimin then got up from their couch and proceeded to take the call to his bedroom leaving Taehyung to coo over Luna’s tiny yawn.

He walked up to his bed and settled down under the blankets, back resting on the headboard.

“So…” he said softly, smiling at the camera.

“So…I missed you.” Jeongguk said, pulling the blankets up a little, stomach fluttering with some pretty massive butterflies.

Jimin was no better. He blushed a beautiful pink, rubbing his nose with his knuckles, looking so adorable that Jeongguk cursed the fact that he couldn’t just teleport to the man’s room right then.

“I missed you too.” Jimin whispered.

Jeongguk snuggled into the blankets more comfortably, and brought the phone closer to his face.

“Yeah? Bet you didn’t miss me more than I did.” He said, teasing. Jimin looked adorably indignant, brushed his red hair from his forehead a little bit and said.

“Nu-uh. I was busy whole day doing homework and undergoing graduation jitters, and all I could think of was seeing you and kissing you. So, I definitely missed you more.” He said matter-of-factly.

Now it was Jeongguk’s turn to flush at Jimin’s straightforwardness.

“Well, I could always go for a walk right now and happen to stumble upon your door. And if a kiss accidentally lands on your lips, that’s fine by me.” He said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Jimin burst out laughing.

“Jeonggukie! Don’t you dare. It’s freezing out.” He scolded.

“My kiss then?” Jeongguk pouted dramatically.

“What a baby!” Jimin said, rolling his eyes fondly, but blowing a small kiss at the screen all the same. Making Jeongguk’s insides melt quite positively. He made a motion of catching it in his palm and planting it on his lips. While Jimin blushed some more. All of it felt like a re-do of all the romance he’d missed out on earlier in life and Jeongguk didn’t care if it was too juvenile, he was perfectly content being grossly adorable with him.

“Now that that’s out of the way, I wanted to ask you something.” He said.

Jimin shifted on his bed and settled on his chest, balancing the phone somewhere on the pillows in front of him.

“Yeah? What is it?”

“Do you, um, do you have plans for New Year’s Eve?” he asked tentatively.

Jimin cocked his head to one side that he seemed to have a habit of doing making him look similar to Luna, and only made Jeongguk want to squish his cheeks.

“Well, Tae, Hobi and I usually go to Times Square, not every year though. But, uh, I’d hoped to spend it with you this time. I mean, if that’s what you want, of course.” He added the last part hurriedly.

Jeongguk felt giddy per usual at having his wishes confirmed.

“I want to spend it with you too--” He said happily. “I wanted to check if you had any prior plans that day.”

“All plans stand suspended. I’m all yours. What’d you have in mind?” Jimin said, both fists resting on his cheeks, feet dangling behind, red hair splayed across his forehead and Jeongguk had never seen anything quite so beautiful before. He blinked a few times, to make sure it was real.

“Well, uhm, it’s a surprise.” That was kind of a half-truth because Jeongguk had no idea what he wanted to do. But also, even if he did, he would have anyways kept it a secret.

“Jeonggukie! C’mon. Tell me!” Jimin whined.

It was hard not to give in, when Park Jimin was pouting with those soft rosy lips of his, but well, lucky for Jeongguk he really had no plan to tell.

“Nope. It’s just a day’s wait. You’ll have to be patient.” He said with a smug little smile.

“You’re mean.” The pout got exaggerated slightly, but Jeongguk knew Jimin adored surprises.

“And you’re cute.” Jeongguk cooed.

“Fine, you’re forgiven.” Jimin broke into a smile.

They chatted quietly for a bit more and then Jimin got sleepy which was a whole new level of self-control for Jeongguk, because Jimin, yawning cutely and blinking his pretty brown eyes just warranted some serious cuddles.

“You should sleep, baby.” The endearment slipped out unbeknownst to Jeongguk and for a second, he panicked if maybe he went overboard even though it felt natural, it felt right. But Jimin’s sleepy eyes shot open and he blinked a few times. And then the biggest smile graced his beautiful face and he got adorably shy.

“Yeah, okay. You too.” He whispered softly.

“It’s settled then. I’ll see you on New Year’s Eve.” Jeongguk said.

“See you on New Year’s Eve.” Jimin echoed.

The call ended and Jeongguk dug deeper into his pillow with a huge happy sigh. Images of crescent moon eyes and full lips, painted on his closed eyelids. A permanent fixture these days.

Jeongguk woke up the next day, determined to get his brains working and come up with something absolutely amazing that’s gonna sweep Jimin clean off his fucking feet. He spent the entire Monday, home alone since school was closed for the holidays and Namjoon was at his shop. He hogged an unhealthy amount of ramen, feeling a little bit feisty and making himself cups of hot chocolate though they didn’t really taste all that good. And the rest of the day passed by being moody on the bed at still coming up blank. He had less than 24 hours and not a single idea in mind.

He was mindlessly scrolling through his phone, wondering if he should ask Seokjin for some help when his phone dinged with a message from Jimin. He automatically smiled at Jimin’s saved name and opened the text to read.

Dr Park: hey Jeonggukie! So, Taetae was wondering if all our friends could hang out together at Times’ Square for the Ball drop. They seem to have hit it off well over Home Alone ;-)

Jeongguk: sounds great. We usually spend New Year’s getting hammered and have been to TS a couple times, but I’m sure they’ll jump at the idea to all go together.

Dr Park: excellent. I’ll let Tae know. And you and I are still on right? <3

Jeongguk blinked a little sadly at the hopeful tone of Jimin’s text. He probably thinks Jeongguk has some neat little surprise tied in a bow for him when he actually was shoving peanut butter like a hopeless moron moments ago. Jeongguk tried to pour in the enthusiasm because thank god Jimin hadn’t video called to gauge his fake smile.

Jeongguk: We are so on :-*

Dr Park: Stop with the kiss. I’m all red ^^

Jeongguk:  :-* :-* :-*

Dr Park: Status- Dead *_*

Jeongguk laughed and all of a sudden was hit by a conversation he had with Jimin on their very first date at the Barbeque Place. Jimin telling him, among other things, that he loved old movies. Of course. That’s it! Jeongguk did some mad rolling over on the bed, totally messing up the bed sheets and blankets then grabbed his phone to do a quick google search and then shot a text.

Jeongguk: I’ll make the ushering of the New Year worth your while Dr Park.  :-*

Dr Park: I don’t doubt it :-*

The last day of the year was a blur.

Jeongguk was super nervous, having never planned a proper surprise before. He never had to. Never wanted to. And here he was almost biting his cuticles off. After generous words of encouragement from Namjoon who reminded him to breathe and not be a fish out of water, over and over again, Jeongguk somehow decided that he can do this. Kinda.

The plan for the evening was for their friends to meet up at a restaurant, stuff up with food and pile onto Times Square. Although traffic was restricted, Jeongguk would still take the car with Jimin to their destined place. It was weird to not drink on new year’s night, but it was just a small price Jeongguk was willing to pay for the bigger reward.

After fussing over his wardrobe, he finally settled for a black turtleneck and a grey and black checked pea coat with black denims and black boots, swept his hair off his face and finished with his usual silver hoops.

They left home at 8 pm. Jeongguk took Namjoon’s car, while the others piled up in Seokjin’s SUV, to pick up Taehyung and Hobi from Jimin’s apartment. Upon reaching their apartment, Seokjin picked up a cackling Taehyung, as usual brimming with excitement and an amused Hobi. And then emerged Jimin, after locking the door, wearing black slacks, a black pullover and a shimmery silver jacket. His red hair was curled a little bit, and he had eye liner on. Jeongguk found it hard to breathe as Jimin slid into the passenger seat smelling of his trademark citrus and summer and offering Jeongguk a blinding smile.

“Hi.” He said.

In reply Jeongguk pulled Jimin by his nape and slotted their lips together. Jimin made a surprised squeak into the kiss but instantly melted and reciprocated with fervour. His lips as soft as fresh flower petals, tasting a little like some cherry chapstick that he had on, smooth and addictive.

“I missed you.” Jeongguk murmured after breaking away.

Jimin looked so pleased that Jeongguk couldn’t help planting a kiss right on the apple of his left cheek, making his already rosy cheekbones, rosier.

“Stop. Unless you want to be seen with a tomato.” He said giggling.

“I don’t mind. You’re one beautiful tomato.” Jeongguk grinned, beginning to pull away.

“And you’re a complete sap.” Jimin laughed.

Jeongguk navigated traffic which was a little haywire considering the occasion, all the while Jimin chatted away about what all Tae and him used to do before and even when he was in Busan. He also told Jeongguk that Luna was being babysat by her kind neighbour, an old lady, who lived alone and had already fallen for the kitten’s charms.

Soon they were pulling up to Hyde Park and Jeongguk watched as Jimin’s eyes widened.

“Jeongguk…” he whispered as he took in the scene, small hand coming up to his mouth.

“Do you like it?” Jeongguk asked apprehensively.

Jimin turned towards Jeongguk fully and stared with such deep affection that Jeongguk internally shivered.

“Like it? I fucking love it! Oh my God I don’t remember the last time I’d been to one.” He squealed. Eyes shining.

When Jeongguk had recalled the conversation of Jimin loving old movies Jeongguk had hit upon the idea of bringing Jimin to a Drive-In movie. It wasn’t very common for people to visit one on New Year’s Eve, which is why the place wasn’t very crowded. A few elderly couples and a few other people who probably preferred a quiet celebration. Jeongguk thought it was perfect. And seeing Jimin react so very happily to it, he felt rather proud of his choice.

Jimin was scanning the park where the cars were scattered and people were milling about, the movie not having started yet.

“I’m glad you love it.” Jeongguk said, and Jimin turned his head again, moved over the centre console and kissed Jeongguk’s cheek and then his nose for good measure and Jeongguk laughed.

“Jeon Jeongguk, you’re rapidly becoming my most favourite person in the world.” Jimin said, eyes brimming with sincerity and some underlying emotion. And Jeongguk smiled, wondering if he’d ever stop smiling around Park Jimin.

They settled in for the night. Jeongguk having already stacked the car earlier with junk food of practically all variety and quantity. Flasks of hot chocolate and two blankets (although they would later end up sharing one).

The movie, Casablanca, which earned another excited squeal from Jimin, began after a while, and both of them snuggled in the backseat, turning down the front two seats, for a better and more comfortable view.

Jeongguk had brought Jimin’s polaroid with him, in the dim lighting, illuminated by a few lamps in the park and the light from the movie screen, snapped away Jimin’s profile, or Jimin’s face when the man was turning towards Jeongguk laughing and scolding him to pay attention to the movie. Or Jimin shoving nachos in his mouth without a care for proper decorum. Or when Jimin was slurping loudly from the hot chocolate. And when Jimin scooted closer to Jeongguk for warmth pulling the blanket up to his chin, and resting his head on his shoulder, Jeongguk wished he had someone to snap a photo of them in that moment right there.

The movie finished at around a quarter to 12 and people around were beginning to get excited. They got out of their cars and walked around the park. From the distance sounds of fireworks could be heard and through a clearing among the buildings a nice view of a firework display in some place, could even be seen. Not having fully begun yet.

Jeongguk and Jimin chose to remain inside the car in the safe little bubble that they had created in the quiet winter night. Fingers intertwined, Jeongguk’s thumbs grazing softly over Jimin’s knuckles.

“You look so beautiful tonight.” He murmured, pressing a light kiss on the crown of Jimin’s fiery red hair, who still had his head on Jeongguk’s shoulder.

“You’re one to talk.” Jimin said giggling softly. Playing with the frills on the edge of the blanket.

“You know I’ve never done anything remotely like this in my whole life.” Jeongguk said, laughing a little.

Jimin looked up, his face turning upward slightly, eyes big and honest.

“Really? Never?”

“Nope. Nobody, um, nobody really wanted to be with me long enough to do something like this.” He shrugged, not meeting Jimin’s eyes.

Jimin sat up properly, taking both of Jeongguk’s hands in his.

“Oh baby…” the pet name, ignited a fire in Jeongguk to warm the chill raging outside. There was no pity in Jimin’s words, only affection. Abundant affection.

Jeongguk looked up to meet those pretty warm brown eyes.

“Then I guess… I am pretty lucky and honoured to be Jeon Jeongguk’s very first Drive-In date.” Jimin said proudly, and Jeongguk suddenly had this urge to cry.

Because here was this absolutely beautiful, intelligent, socially capable man, telling Jeongguk, a complete amateur at all things romance or emotions for that matter, that he was the lucky one to be Jeongguk's first. When Jeongguk was contemplating on how to tell this angel that it cannot even remotely compare to the fortune that Jeongguk experiences whenever he thinks of that fateful weekend on the bus when Jimin chanced upon him.

Jeongguk was absolutely thrilled in that moment, gazing at Jimin’s sincere and utterly happy smile, happiness that Jeongguk had instilled in him, content to be with him, without making demands to provide him things. Just taking with graciousness and absolute acceptance whatever Jeongguk was offering in his awkward glory.

Jeongguk could hear the countdown begin somewhere, but he was rooted to the spot. Unable to tear his eyes away from Jimin. His throat felt dry as a sandpaper despite all those hot chocolates. He swallowed thickly. His hands began feeling clammy, and he wondered if Jimin would notice. Jimin, was blissfully unaware of the storm raging within Jeongguk, he was excitedly looking towards the opening and counting down along with the crowd outside.

5… Jeongguk pondered if he should do it.

4… Jeongguk didn’t think he’d ever get another like Jimin in his life.

3… Jeongguk gathered the flailing bits of courage close to his heart.

2… Jeongguk didn’t care, despite the outcome, his feelings wouldn’t change.

1… Jeongguk decided to throw caution behind with the old year.

0… “Jimin?”

Everyone was screaming a Happy New Year, and Jimin tore his eyes away from the fireworks that had begun happening, smiling like an iridescent angel, his face glowing a rainbow’s prism from the reflection of the far-off fireworks.

“Jeonggukie.” He breathed happily.

“I love you.” Jeongguk whispered.

Giving his fragile, beating heart with the utmost apprehension to the man he had hopelessly, irrevocably fallen in love with. An echo in the void, waiting with bated breath to know if he’d ever receive a reciprocation.

Jimin was stunned into silence for good few minutes. The only sound coming inside the car were that of the fireworks merrily bursting, people voicing their excitement and music playing from the speakers outside in the park.

Jeongguk felt his heart shrink and crumble. But he had decided to not care no matter the outcome. He would love Jimin despite what he chose to do and so he hastily went on to explain.

“I’m sorry for springing this on you. I know it’s sudden, it’s way too early, and you might not even feel the same way and that’s perfectly fine. But Jimin, I do. I so completely do. I am in love with you, and with everything that you are. With every little idiosyncrasy and I don’t give a damn if I am rushing because it has never felt this good. And I never wanna feel this again, if it’s not with you.” He said, staring into Jimin’s eyes, that perhaps shone a little now.

And the next thing he knew was a blur and then Jimin was on his lap kissing him with a bruising intensity he hadn’t seen the man display before. With such utter urgency and just pure devotion. Jeongguk couldn’t help the whine escaping his throat. Jimin’s fingers were threading and pulling at his hair in a desperate need and Jeongguk held Jimin's waist like a lifeline. And then Jimin was pulling back, face a vision with his red hair askew, a few tears rolling down his beautiful cherubic cheeks and lips a lovely shade of rose and he whispered right against Jeongguk’s lips

“I love you Jeongguk. I am completely and utterly in love with you.”

Jeongguk closed his eyes and brought Jimin closer till their foreheads were touching and all he could smell, feel, see was Jimin.

“You do?” he whispered. The relief rushing through his veins were unlike anything he’d ever felt before.

“Of course, I do you idiot, with or without your grand speech. I was probably in love with you since you were yelling at me from a crowded bus making me run with it. You are a marvel Jeon Jeongguk. And I’m gonna keep you, forever.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Now kiss me.”

And Jeongguk did. He kissed Jimin, even after the fireworks ceased, even after the euphoria of new beginnings dimmed a bit for the night, even after they couldn’t kiss anymore, he kissed Jimin some more. Because Jimin was gonna keep him, and that’s exactly where he wanted to be.

A year later he would be looking back at this exact moment and would be crying into his pillow at night. Alone.

Chapter Text

January brought early snow and Jimin’s happiness. Jeongguk witnessed first-hand the absolute adoration the man had for the season. And his adamant request that they need to see the first snow together, which they did, after checking out the weather forecast beforehand and walking down the streets of their neighbourhood with Jimin jumping around like an over eager toddler and Jeongguk taking incessant snaps with the utmost sincerity. He was too far gone to deny Jimin anything at this point. The visuals of Jimin with his trademark colourful outfits, the one that he was wearing for the occasion being a red and white gingham printed pullover and a bright red coat thrown on top with faded denims, and with his unmistakable red hair made him look like some sort of rainbow apprentice among the shimmering white of the snow. 

Jeongguk still couldn’t believe he was in a relationship. Going by his reputation at keeping people he didn’t know since forever, at arm’s length, the fact that he was in love with one still left him dumbfounded at times. 

Things were sailing pretty smoothly and fast. After New Year’s, Jimin and Jeongguk met up whenever they they could make time. Which began to get sparse considering Jimin’s graduation was coming up and so was Jeongguk’s finals, forcing them both to jump into the thick of academics. Projects increased incessantly which led Jeongguk to hole up in the library with a highly grumpy Yoongi, which was saying something because Yoongi’s resident mood had always been on the annoyed side of the spectrum. Namjoon got busy with his bookshop, doing fan signs with authors as new releases flooded the markets and his shop being one of the popular ones that authors tended to frequent. And Jimin got super busy preparing for his last days at Uni which included a myriad of things consisting both academics and parties, and then his eventual residency. So, the best that they could manage as January rolled on towards its end was long phone calls, increased meme sending (on Jimin’s end) and video calls late at night. Besides the occasional coffee dates that they would squeeze in.

In a rare lull in their freight train of a routine, they decided to go for a morning run because both of them were fed up of not having that intimacy that they’d gotten so used to. Jeongguk had told Jimin he’d jog over to his apartment and then the two of them would just do a round around the neighbourhood. He woke up at 6am and found himself stretching out in front of Jimin’s at 6.30, after shooting off a text to him letting him know he’d arrived, bundled in a thick sweatshirt and a pair of trackpants because eventually the heat would kick in. Soon Jimin was coming skipping down the steps in an oversized blue pullover and grey joggers and quite literally jumped on Jeongguk’s arms.

“I’ve missed you baby!” he exclaimed and planted a big wet smooch smack dab on Jeongguk’s lips and Jeongguk fell into helpless laughter.

“I can’t believe your energy at this time in the morning.” He said, even though he was internally screaming with glee at Jimin’s exuberant affection. 

“What? I just missed my boyfriend after not having seen him for decades, I am allowed to be extra needy.” Jimin pouted, shrugging.

Jeongguk felt himself blush a violent red. The Boyfriend thing still very new to him and still making him shiver with warmth and happiness.

“Jiminie, we saw each other last week.” He teased.

“Shut up, you wanna run or not?” Jimin said airily.

Jeongguk pulled Jimin’s face and kissed him deeply and then kissed his nose for good measure. He pulled away to find Jimin with a wide grin like a cheshire cat..

“Now that’s the welcome I was looking for.” He said. Jeongguk bumped their shoulders playfully and they began their route. Jimin used his smartwatch to keep track of the miles and vitals. They ran for an hour, till both of them reached a park, and leaned on their knees huffing and out of breath. They bought two bottles of water from the vendor and gulped half of it down in one go. They then began jogging back slowly towards their apartments.

“Are you excited?” Jeongguk asked, stretching his sore muscles, after reaching Jimin’s apartment.

“About what? I’m excited about a lot of things, baby.” Jimin winked and Jeongguk rolled his eyes. He couldn’t refute that, Jimin was just a generally happy person.

“Your graduation and eventual residency.”

“Oh yes! Very! Finally, I can specialise and get into the thick of things!” Jimin said excitedly while running his fingers through his sweaty hair. 

“Good, I’m glad.”

“What about you? Your graduation is in a couple months from mine. Did you think about what you’re gonna do after?” Jimin asked, opening their mailbox to check and fish out their mails.

“Yeah, I’ve been applying to quite a few agencies hiring young photographers as apprentices. I hope I bag a good one.” 

Jimin’s face lit up with fondness and pride. “Look at my baby doing all grown up things.” He cooed, pinching Jeongguk’s cheeks with one hand.

“Stop. You’re so embarrassing.” Jeongguk muttered, squatting his hands away, though secretly very pleased.

Jimin laughed. “Hey you wanna come in for some coffee? Tae’s probably up and running around the house with Lunabanana. He’s been doing that literally every morning.” Jimin sighed.

“And stealing your quality time with her?” Jeongguk teased.

“Yes!” Jimin huffed.

“Share, baby.” Jeongguk said, poking Jimin. “But no love, I have to go. Got an early class. God I’m sick of being a student.” He groaned dramatically. 

Jimin clicked his tongue sympathetically. “My classes are really erratic these days. Just wrapping shit up. I have one in the afternoon.” 

“Lucky.” Jeongguk sighed.

Jimin grabbed his face and planted a kiss on his lips and Jeongguk couldn’t fight the huge grin from spreading over his face. He adored Jimin’s enthusiastic display of affection and although Jeongguk couldn’t always bring himself to do the same because of his age-old, shy nature, he always welcomed it wholeheartedly and Jimin was never one to back down. 

“Off you go then. Be a good kid.” He patted Jeongguk’s head.

Jeongguk rolled his eyes. “Okay, EOMMA.” He said and was rewarded with Jimin’s tinkling laughter which was a beautiful sound in the winter morning. They finally parted after another kiss which tended to linger and rapidly started becoming inappropriate for early morning on a freaking road till Jimin had the sense to pull away, all breathless.

Jeongguk jogged the rest of the way to his apartment feeling like an accomplished man.

January bled into February and then to March and Jimin’s graduation was around the corner. Jimin and Taehyung had both been behaving super pumped to finally be able to do ‘complete adult things’ and had planned a grand graduation party, which really was them getting wasted at a bar with bottles of beer and soju and an unhealthy amount of greasy food, for all 7 of them. The day of their graduation dawned bright and early. The chill was still present, but the city was no longer covered in a white blanket. 

“Guk, hurry up already. It’s your boyfriend whose pictures are gonna be taken, not yours!” Namjoon called from the living room, all dressed up and ready.

“Shut up, I’m just packing my camera.” Jeongguk lied. His camera was the first thing he had packed because of course, almost the entirety of his memory card was to be filled with Jimin today. He was actually fixing his dark grey suit jacket, choosing to go a little fancy yet not completely overboard as he’d paired it with tight black denims. He brushed his hair back quickly and spritzed some cologne. Then nodded at himself in the mirror and exited his bedroom, camera bag slung over his shoulders.

Namjoon whistled, taking his outfit in. “Someone decided to clean themselves up, I see.” He wiggled his eyebrows. He was himself in a plaid shirt and a corduroy jacket with beige pants.

“Yeah, alright. Not another word. Let’s go.” He quickly exited the apartment leaving behind a snickering Namjoon to lock up their apartment. They soon made it to the university that was bustling with students in their graduation attire, hollering and happy. They made their way to the main venue where seats were saved for all 5 of them. Jeongguk was eagerly craning his neck to catch a glimpse of his boyfriend in the front row, sitting among the graduating batch, till Yoongi poked at his ribs and he meekly stopped with his fidgeting. Soon enough, Jimin’s name was being called as he frantically took snap after snap to document it all. He admired the guy looking as stunning as ever with his fire engine red hair contrasted with the monotone of his graduation cape and Jeongguk felt a satisfying sense of smugness to know that that man was his.

After the doctors it was the nurses’ batch and sure enough Taehyung with his flamboyant turquoise hair had the students hooting. Frankly, both the best friends had quite the reputation. After the ceremony was done, where Jeongguk inadvertently played the resident photographer for their friends, they headed for the revelry. 3 hours later and highly happy and drunk they returned to their respective abodes with drunken promises of a brighter future.

2 months later saw a similar repeat of the ceremony when Jeongguk graduated with an ecstatic Jimin babbling excitedly how they were both now adults having a free reign on the world that was theirs for the taking. And if Jeongguk were to be very honest he couldn’t help feeling giddy every time he envisioned a sorted future with Jimin in it. 

The next step in their relationship came when Namjoon decided to move out to live with Seokjin. Jeongguk had an inkling of that happening ever since he realised there was something going on between Seokjin and his best friend, which now left no room for doubt. The two were basically married. All heart eyes and fond smiles and whenever Jeongguk pointed that out to Namjoon, pretending to gag, Namjoon shot right back saying Jeongguk should see his own face whenever Jimin was around. That would then lead to Jeongguk taking offence even though he secretly knew very well how hopelessly gone he was for the Red Head. 

Jeongguk had been contemplating asking Jimin ever since Namjoon decided to move out. That was not to say it didn’t make his palms sweat profusely at the very scenario of having to pop the question to Jimin to move in with him, and if it was too early to do that. Hell his entire romance with Jimin was a whirlwind, but Jeongguk didn’t regret it one bit. So, after much deliberation and finally steeling his nerves he called Jimin over to his place, while Namjoon was at the bookshop. They were both to start their next step in their careers soon. Jimin in a couple weeks, would begin his residency and Jeongguk was waiting to get a second call from this magazine company to begin his internship. 

“Hi babe!” Jimin chirped, kissing Jeongguk on the cheek, as he toed off his shoes.

Jeongguk was mentally chanting to calm his nerves. Jimin was here. It was now or never. He ushered Jimin in and led him towards the couch.

“O-kay. Thanks for the help love, but I know where the couch is. You okay?” Jimin asked, with a confused smile clearly noticing how nervous and weird Jeongguk was being.

“Yeah, yeah totally!” Jeongguk said brightly, maybe a bit too brightly.

Jimin eyed him uncertainly but sat down as Jeongguk sat facing him.

“So, what’s this thing you wanted to discuss with me about? Is it about your internship?” Jimin asked.

“Umm no. W-will you like some tea? Coffee maybe?” 

Jimin now was openly staring at Jeongguk in evident concern. “Alright. Jeongguk? You’re freaking me out here. Whats wrong?! Are you breaking up with me?” Jimin asked, beginning to panic.

Jeongguk’s eyes widened and he hastened to pacify his boyfriend. “What? Of course, not!” he exclaimed and then added in a low voice, “quite the contrary actually.”

“I’m sorry, what was that?” Jimin asked, eyes unmoving from Jeongguk’s face. 

Suddenly Jeongguk sprang up from the couch unable to bear the sudden pressure as Jimin watched in stunned silence. 

“I’m gonna make you some coffee!”  he declared and rushed to the kitchen and began banging mugs and pans. Jimin quite predictably, followed him there. Jeongguk had his back turned to him, wiping the coffee mugs but he felt him saunter close and wrap his arms around Jeongguk’s waist, placing his cheek on Jeongguk’s shoulder blades.

“Baby, don’t be weird. It’s just me. If you wanna share something, you can. You know I’ll never judge you.” He murmured. And Jeongguk felt himself smile despite his failing communication skills. He turned around in Jimin’s hold and lovingly kissed the Red Head’s soft cheeks. 

“I’m sorry. You go and sit. I’ll be right back and I promise I won’t be weird.” 

“Promise?”

“Pinky.”

Jimin grinned and walked away. After sometime Jeongguk carried two steaming mugs of coffee and a single blueberry muffin. He set the items down on the coffee table as Jimin scooted closer to him, looking at him expectantly. Jeongguk gulped. 

“So, uhm, do you like my place?” he began, avoiding Jimin’s eye.

“Of course I do. It’s so cozy.” Jimin replied instantly.

“Yeah it is. It-- um, it has a bathtub. Um, it’s small but comfy.” Jeongguk mentally cursed himself for talking like a realtor out to sell his apartment.

Jimin, on the other hand, had begun laughing. “Babe, I’m aware of that. We’ve used that tub for various reasons. Remember?” he said smirking, and poked Jeongguk on the cheeks which had gone red at Jimin’s reminder. It was true that they had defiled the place quite a few times when Namjoon wasn’t home.

“Right, right. Um. So, you know that Namjoonie Hyung is moving out right?”

“Mm-hm. I know that.” Jimin said, voice gone quieter now.

“Yeah. Seokjin Hyung and Joon are pretty cute together. And their apartment is super cool too. It’s not that far away, and we can always catch a cab there whenever we want to. And um, well, you know, there’s like 3 bedrooms, so sleepovers and shit and uh—”

“Yes.” Jeongguk stopped his rambling at the monosyllabic response from Jimin.

“Yes?” he asked dumbly.

“Yes. I will move in with you.” Jimin said, eyes shining. And all the air left Jeongguk. He hadn’t even got around to asking yet, too busy babbling like a moron and Jimin already Understood?

“How did you…?” he trailed off.

Jimin took both of Jeongguk’s hands and kissed both hands’ knuckles, looking at Jeongguk with so much affection that it made Jeongguk’s heart melt. 

“Because you were chattering away about unimportant things and you do that when you’re nervous. Also, I realised the moment you asked me whether I liked this place or not followed by the news of Hyung moving out which I already knew.” Jimin said, smiling triumphantly.

Jeongguk sighed. “I’m so stupid . Couldn’t even ask you properly.” 

Jimin let go of his hands and took hold of his face instead, making him look up and placing a soft kiss on his lips. “Baby, the wonder about us is understanding each other without having to actually say it.” 

“You’re so cheesy.” Jeongguk whined.

“You love it.” Jimin grinned.

“Unfortunately, I do.” Jeongguk said as he picked up the blueberry muffin, noticing that their coffees had long gone cold. He held the muffin like a ring and stared at Jimin with an exaggerated expression.

“Park Jimin, will you do me the honour of moving in with me?”

Jimin laughed, and took the muffin, immediately placing a big bite on it and with his mouth completely full, cheeks puffed out, he replied, “It would be my pleasure.” 

“You’re so gross.” Jeongguk scrunched up his nose but kissed Jimin wholeheartedly once the man had chewed the thing, tasting the sweet remnants of the muffin and licking at his lips for good measure. Things escalated from there on and they lost themselves in the throes of a particularly happy union, looking forward to all the things that they’d now be able to do together.

Chapter Text

Moving in with Jimin was as easy as breathing and as familiar as the blue sky. Not to mention fun. Like stomach in stitches kind of fun with the odd comments that Jimin threw every time he discovered a forgotten piece of item that had probably gotten lost in Jimin’s  room once upon a time. Followed by his excitement at having found them again and then launching on why they were important and what use they served him. And then his clumsiness at picking up the boxes or nagging Jeongguk to be careful of the cutlery and threatening him if something happened to any of his favourite mugs. Jeongguk was highly endeared by his boyfriend’s behaviour and just smiled and shook his head.

Taehyung was their primary help during the move. Extremely petulant at Jimin leaving him “after finding the love of his life.” But the very next instant, cooing at Jimin and Jeongguk’s apparent chemistry, going as far as to dab his eyes like a withering grandma. Jeongguk had asked with keen interest why he chose nursing instead of drama school to which he had received a smack on his chest and a “yah Jeonggukie respect your elders!” It was also decided that Luna would be in joint custody of both Jimin and Taehyung, because Taehyung loved the cat as much as Jimin did.  Jeongguk realised during their move, that Jimin was extremely finicky about decorating everything to the T. He moved around the furniture that were already owned by Namjoon and him and rearranged them to his liking, adding his own lamp shade that Tae had insisted he take back to his and Jeongguk’s place.

Then came the innumerable photographs that they had taken over the months. Jimin loved photographs and Jeongguk, needless to say, loved taking them. But roles were often reversed when it came to Jimin, because he liked to take Jeongguk’s pictures more, quietly taking the polaroid camera that he had gifted Jeongguk and clicking away when Jeongguk was least aware. He insisted that since it's always Jeongguk behind the lens, he wanted him to shine for once. So, much to Jeongguk’s embarrassment, their living room, their bedroom, their refrigerator was filled  with candids of Jeongguk brushing his teeth, playing video games, eating ramen, sleeping, caught yawning and sometimes even laughing at Jimin’s shenanigans. And then there were of course, 100s of pictures of the two of them together, along with their friends.

Jimin was a memory maker, and Jeongguk was more than willing to be part of the journey.

Once they were relatively settled in, complete with a cup on the bathroom sink with Jimin’s blue toothbrush besides Jeongguk’s black one, Jimin decided that they should throw a housewarming party.. It was a terribly domestic afternoon, with Jimin having returned a little early from his shift at the hospital where he had begun his residency and dyed his hair a natural brown for the onset of fall and Jeongguk had an off day at his internship office. Both were sprawled on their bed, (Jeongguk having an internal scream sesh every time the focus fell on ‘their’ ),  scrolling through their phones.

“Babe?” Jimin chirped.

“Mm?” Jeongguk distractedly hummed, occupied with an intense round of piano tiles, fingers flying to grab them all in time.

“Baaaaabe.” Jimin drawled, clearly demanding attention.

“Mm, just…yeah. Hi.” Jeongguk incoherently mumbled, still engrossed in hitting all the right tiles.

Jimin huffed and was about to roll off the bed when Jeongguk caught his wrist with one hand, the other still flying over the phone screen and eyes still trained on it. He gave a tug and Jimin fell right next to him with a squeak.

“How on earth did you do that?” Jimin asked, eyes wide. Jeongguk smirked, till a triumphant tune played indicating the end of the round, leaving a highly satisfied Jeongguk who then locked his phone and turned his face to see Jimin tucked into his side, cheeks puffed out in petulance. Jeongguk grinned widely and pecked his boyfriend several times on the lips.

“That’s because I’m golden. A star multitasker.” He bragged.

Jimin rolled his eyes and rolled away but was once again pulled back by Jeongguk.

“You were saying?” Jeongguk asked, fingers caressing Jimin’s cheeks.

“I do want to stay mad at you for ignoring me, but that’s gonna have to wait. So!” Jimin sat up excitedly despite Jeongguk’s whine of keeping him closer. “I was thinking of throwing a housewarming party for everyone!” he said gleefully.

Jeongguk put his hands behind his head and said, “But this isn't a new place. Joon and I have lived here for years.”

Jimin rolled his eyes once again. “It doesn’t have to be a new place to throw a housewarming party, silly. It’s still a new arrangement!”

“Just admit the fact that you look for every opportunity to bring your pinterest board to life.” Jeongguk teased and Jimin swatted at his chest.

“Shut up. I want all of us to have a good time! Plus Tae’s bringing Luna! Oh I’m so excited! It can also be a ‘Welcome home Luna’ party.”

Jeongguk laughed and sat up, “You’re really grasping for reasons now.”

“Okay, fine. I am!” Jimin huffed.

“Alright then. This weekend, Saturday? Do you have a shift?” Jeongguk asked.

“I do but it’ll be over by 4pm. I’ll be free after that.”

“Okay deal. We are throwing a housewarming party like middle aged suburban couples.” Jeongguk grinned and Jimin gleefully shifted closer to fall flat on Jeongguk’s chest demanding cuddles.

The next few days kept both of them busy with work. And when weekend came, Jimin fussed over the upcoming party despite Jeongguk reassuring him that it’s just their friends and not the Queen of England invited for tea, which earned him Jimin’s characteristic glare. For some reason, Jimin wanted to make homemade pizza. Declaring that they have take outs almost regularly, so he insisted on doing something different. Jeongguk, once again, too whipped to care, agreed with whatever Jimin wanted. Jeongguk returned at 5 on Saturday to find Jimin busting his ass in the kitchen, fluttering around like a hen, trying to follow the exact recipe of a classic Italian pizza. Jeongguk without a word, and with a heart full of fondness at his madly endearing boyfriend, toed off his shoes and went straight to the kitchen to wrap his arms around Jimin’s waist pressing a wet kiss right on top of the mole that Jimin had on the back of his neck.

“Hey. You’re back.” Jimin said happily, nuzzling a little onto Jeongguk’s chin, while still chopping the pizza toppings. “The dough is almost done.”

“Mm. You smell like pizza sauce. Wanna eat you up.” Jeongguk murmured, pressing soft kisses on his shoulders, that were peeking out from Jimin’s wide necked t shirt.

“Gukie.” Jimin said in a warning tone. Because Jeongguk knew he was treading dangerous territories and their friends were due in an hour.

“What?  It’s the truth.” Jeongguk said, voice all innocent.

“Yeah, I’m sure it is. Now go get freshened up and help me.” Jimin said, unfazed.

“Really? You’re not even going to kiss me?” Jeongguk pouted, letting go of Jimin and standing beside him.

Jimin wiped his hands in his apron and grabbed Jeongguk’s face to smack him loudly on the lips and then his cheeks for good measure.

“There. Happy now, you big baby?” He said fondly.

“Not entirely but it’ll do. For now.” Jeongguk said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively and Jimin threw him a chunk of onion in retort, which Jeongguk caught with a laugh.

Their evening was unsurprisingly pleasant, replete with tales full of Seokjin and Namjoon’s newfound domesticity. All of them collectively cooing at Jimin’s pizza efforts and how the house is now much cosier and lived in than before. Hoseok and Taehyung lamented about their painfully single life, while Yoongi grunted out that he was perfectly satisfied being on his own.

Needless to say, the housewarming idea was a total winner.

The end of August saw the first shift in Jeongguk’s life.

Everything was seemingly perfect except it was also kind of not. Jeongguk couldn’t pinpoint, but a dissatisfaction had set in. Jeongguk soon came to realise that it stemmed from work. The manager of the magazine company was an American and there was no denying the fact that he indulged in casual racism. At first Jeongguk hadn’t really noticed it, neither paid much attention to it. But he gradually began to understand the missed opportunities, the subtle ways in which his assigned task was handed over to someone else on the pretext of some careless excuse and Jeongguk ended up with the most bland and unexciting projects.

Initially, Jeongguk made do with it. Knowing full well that he could not expect to be handed out the best opportunities right from the get-go. He was still an intern after all. But he knew that his work was good, he knew he was fully capable of handling something slightly more challenging. His professors at the university had always sung his praises for being the most dedicated student with a vision, and for all the right reasons. Jeongguk never compromised when it came to his craft. So he was at a loss when time after time he was being given the most mundane of tasks, despite trying to prove himself consistently. Disillusionment eventually began to set in and Jeongguk couldn’t fight it. It had already been months since he was associated with the small company and by far there weren’t any breakthroughs.

Jeongguk was naturally ambitious when it came to photography so when his passion was slowly meeting its apparent dead end with nothing to look forward to, it inevitably reflected on his mood. He began growing cranky, easily irritable, and highly moody. Feeling  helpless and angry most of the time for not being able to enjoy the one thing in life that was always meant to be his calling.

It was the last day of August and Jeongguk returned home with an extremely sour mood. His boss had once again decided to neglect Jeongguk and hand over a modelling project with a popular clothing brand, one of their first and frankly rare collaborations to another guy named Andy, who Jeongguk and most of his colleagues knew wasn’t even deserving. Even after Jeongguk worked hard to get the assignment for himself, knowing he could do a good job with it. Things seemed to be falling apart even before his career properly took off. He wasn’t even at a permanent job yet and he was already getting shunned. He unlocked the apartment, toed off his shoes and threw his keys on the kitchen counter that slid off with the force of his throw.

He unceremoniously staggered towards the couch and plopped down, burying his face in his hands. The house was quiet, Jimin’s shift wasn’t supposed to be over until a few hours. Jeongguk thought of his boyfriend and how his career was pretty much settled. His residency would be over in 2 years. During which, his specialisation would be over too and then he would be a full-fledged doctor. Probably would be snatched off by an elite hospital. Jimin was extremely good at what he did, Jeongguk knew this and was proud of it. He had been one of the top students in his batch, and Jeongguk knew Jimin would be a famed doctor once he properly got in the field.

It had never bothered Jeongguk because how could it? Jimin was the love of his life and he was extremely happy for everything that his boyfriend had accomplished knowing full well how hard Jimin worked. But today, tired and upset at being mistreated, Jeongguk’s mind slid into a dark headspace, one that he wouldn’t be proud of the next day and he knew it. But he couldn’t help it. How was it that his boyfriend and all his friends were doing so well and were so happy at their respective jobs and it was only Jeongguk who had to go through this unfairness day in and day out? He had never taken his studying for granted, always put his one hundred percent into it. So how was it that the results were so blatantly lukewarm?

He gripped at the ends of his hair in frustration and sighed in absolute dejection. It was a bad day, and he needed a drink. He got up and walked to the refrigerator and got himself a beer. One beer led to two and soon he was sprawled on the floor reclining against the couch with five bottles emptied. He had never really gotten piss drunk on beer and had a high alcohol tolerance. But today he did. Probably choosing to just let his body go. He heard the lock turning on the door and he had no idea how much time had passed, too busy drinking his miseries away. He blearily looked up at the wall clock that read half past 11.

The door opened and the comforting aroma of citrus wafted through the air and Jeongguk took a deep breath in satisfaction. At least Jimin was here, he knew how to make everything better. Even though Jeongguk hadn’t told him anything about this underlying problem at his work, choosing to not worry his boyfriend. He really did want to but somewhere it was also a bit about his ego. He wanted the image of his workplace to be pleasant as well, just like Jimin’s was as he so often heard his boyfriend gush about his colleagues and all the new learning opportunities.

“Hi baby.” Jimin said without looking at Jeongguk and instead hanging his jacket and tossing his keys. Jeongguk was still lying in the same position, body half sprawled out.

“I’d left you some—” Jimin stopped short and Jeongguk guessed he had finally seen the state he was in.  He heard feet scurrying towards him in an instant.

“Guk, what happened?” Jimin asked, as he crouched down and sat cross legged across Jeongguk and the gentle voice of his boyfriend broke something in him and he couldn’t hold back the tears that silently slipped down his cheeks. He heard Jimin gasp and rush forward, taking Jeongguk in his arms without another word. And Jeongguk appreciated that. Appreciated the fact that Jimin understood him so readily as not to push him for the Whats and Whys immediately. He clung to Jimin’s sweater, inhaling his familiar aroma and cried his frustration out.

“It’s okay baby, let it all out. I’m here.” Jimin whispered kindly, running his fingers through Jeongguk’s hair.

“I’m-I’m not happy, Jimin.” Jeongguk finally said, now lying down with his head on Jimin’s lap, his face turned towards Jimin’s tummy, nuzzling a little. Jimin was still fully dressed in his work clothes and hadn’t even had the chance to change or freshen up. 

“Tell me what it’s about, love.” Jimin said in a quiet voice, dropping gentle kisses to Jeongguk’s temple.

And so Jeongguk told him.  All the days’ worth of frustration, anger and the unjust treatment that he was going through, finally letting it all out.

“And… I just, I feel like I’m losing my interest in my art, in my work. Because of how little I’m being allowed to use it.” he whispered, now having gotten up and sitting across Jimin, hugging his knees to his chest.

Jimin had been patiently hearing him out, never interrupting and letting Jeongguk be spontaneous with his emotions. He scooted closer as Jeongguk was done and held his face to place a few loving pecks on his lips, wiping Jeongguk’s wet face with his sweater sleeves.

“You know your worth, don’t you Guk? You know what you’re capable of. The countless folders in your computer, the various accolades that you’ve won over the years at Uni, and other freelance competitions, all tell a tale of just how talented and passionate you are about photography. And some stuck-up racist asshole is no one to undermine your worth.” Jimin said holding Jeongguk’s hands and rubbing soothing circles. Jeongguk sniffled and nodded, beginning to feel better with Jimin’s words. 

“Baby, if you feel they’re not letting you fully utilise your potential then go right ahead and quit on them. They don’t deserve your dedication, your time or even your presence. I’m hundred percent certain, New York has countless other agencies who would die to get their hands on someone as talented as you. Someone who has a vision, who has a meticulous thought process.” Jimin said, now lifting Jeongguk’s hands up and placing soft kisses on his knuckles.

The first real smile of the day broke through Jeongguk’s face and got mirrored in Jimin’s. “Why are you so amazing, care to remind me again?” Jeongguk asked, crawling closer to Jimin, and looping his arms around his neck, bringing him even closer.

“Just one of my countless charms, I believe.” Jimin giggled playfully.

“Mm, you are a charmer..” Saying so Jeongguk pushed Jimin on the floor as he let out a surprised squeak and kissed his breath away, feeling love unbidden and so much gratefulness to have Jimin in his life, supporting him, understanding him.

“I love you.” Jeongguk murmured pressing kisses on Jimin’s neck.

“I know, I’m adorable.” Jimin teased, poking Jeongguk in the ribs.

“Shut up, I’ll take it back.”

“No you won’t”

“No I won’t.”

Jeongguk slept better that night than he had in days.

The next morning he woke up to the overwhelming smell of food . Delicious food.

He searched for Jimin beside him but found the space empty. He frowned and opened his eyes to find a widely smiling Jimin standing beside his bed, with a single yellow balloon in one hand and a chocolate cake in the other.

“Happy birthday, sleepyhead.” Jimin said, bobbing the balloon a little.

“Fuck I can’t believe I forgot my own birthday.” Jeongguk said, as he sat up. Because honestly he had. He did forget that it was September 1 st . He had been so stressed in the past few weeks, losing track of time and day. And especially after the strung-out emotional unburdening of the past night, he had just forgotten everything and fallen into a fitful sleep. But of course, Jimin had remembered.

“Doesn’t matter. C’mon. Cut the cake, I wanna eat it!” Jimin said, moving over and sitting on the bed cross legged and placing the cake on the bed.

Jeongguk rolled his eyes in fondness. “You’re unbelievable.” Jeongguk blew out the single candle and then cut the cake. He then saw that Jimin had also made pancakes which was what the other delicious smell was. Their morning was spent in sheer domesticity with Jimin going all out in pampering Jeongguk. He understood that Jimin was going out of his way to show that no matter what happens he was there. Knowing that Jeongguk needed that extra comfort and Jimin was always endlessly giving.

Jeongguk chose to have a lowkey birthday, just video calling their friends but otherwise choosing to stay in with Jimin, craving the peace and quiet. And that’s what they did and Jeongguk led himself to believe maybe things would get better from here on out. That he would be able to fight this and overcome.

But that was all a false sense of security because things didn’t improve, but rather began its spiral downwards. The quiet day of September first was probably the last few days of calm, before everything was to go up in smoke.

He had decided to confront his boss, albeit civilly, to give Jeongguk the valid opportunities that he knew he was capable of dealing with. He did that a week later but needless to say the result was not as he had expected it to be. He got dismissed casually, the man reiterating that he knew what he was doing and that Jeongguk was simply new and had to wait for the right time. Jeongguk knew that was bullshit because he could see other interns being handed out better assignments just because they were American.

He then contemplated on what Jimin had said about quitting, but he got to hear from one of his colleagues that he won’t be paid the last couple of months of stipend if he chose to quit mid-way and with no other offers on the table Jeongguk was unwilling to do so. Not wanting to burden just Jimin to pay for their bills and other expenses if he sat at home unemployed. So despite the growing discomfort and raging dissatisfaction, Jeongguk had to stay put, until he found a better opportunity.

His temper progressively began getting short. More prone to snapping at the slightest thing, or throwing in a snarky comment or two. He had been admonished by Yoongi for that, who had offered him to speak to his boss under whom he was interning but Jeongguk was too proud to ask for something that he didn’t earn himself and so he denied Yoongi. He wouldn’t talk to Namjoon, being stubborn and not wanting to bother anyone with his troubles. And slowly began closing himself from Jimin too. Jimin, ever the patient one, never called Jeongguk out for his changing behaviour. Where previously he had never raised his voice or unreasonably snapped at Jimin, he now began doing that. Throwing tantrums for the slightest of things like putting too much sugar in his coffee or misplacing the toothpaste. Jimin would just calmly apologise or fix it for Jeongguk.

Jeongguk knew he was being an asshole. He could see Jimin’s face fall every time Jeongguk would be uncharacteristically rude, but he was just unable to apologise or make it right. He didn’t know what was happening to him. or why he was becoming this person. He simply felt helpless. He tried to make up for his shitty attitude by pulling Jimin closer by his waist every night, spooning his smaller frame from behind after Jimin fell asleep, and murmuring quiet apologies by pressing sweet kisses at the back of his neck. Feeling like a coward that he was unable to do so when Jimin was awake. When all that Jimin was being to him despite everything, was relentlessly loving.

Jeongguk knew he had fucked up for good when he forgot Jimin’s birthday. Jimin’s first birthday with Jeongguk after getting to know each other.

He knew of the surprise that his friends had planned for Jimin at a local diner, inviting two of Jimin’s friends from the hospital. He had been part of the planning process and despite wanting to be one hundred percent involved in his own boyfriend’s birthday, their very first together at that, he simply couldn’t bring himself to do that. Getting way too distracted. Mind wandering back to the office where he had been given a meagre assignment, merely a hand me down. He had overheard Andy, the boss’ star pupil, whining about how he didn’t want to do some small time deal and the man had readily agreed and let him bag yet another good one and had called Jeongguk at his office and nonchalantly thrust the project that Andy had rejected, to Jeongguk.

Jeongguk had clenched his fists, digging his nails hard into his skin and had mutely taken up the file and walked out of the office. Throwing it across his desk and plopping down on his chair, wanting to scream his lungs out. But of course he couldn’t. That very day,  plans were made for Jimin’s birthday. He was too ashamed to admit that he felt extremely jealous when Taehyung, who predictably took the lead in planning the party for his best friend, talked about Jimin doing extremely well at the hospital, assisting in surgeries and making two great friends. All along Jeongguk had selfishly not contributed to any of the ideas and just followed along with everything without an input.

He had felt horrible later on, but then the very next day, a day with yet some more disillusionment, the horrid feeling at having had no interest in Jimin’s birthday quickly got replaced with anger and bitterness.

So that finally led him to October the 13 th , where he had been asked to stay at the office doing someone else’s paperwork after a photoshoot and he didn’t even remember the important event to let his boss know that he couldn't stay back after 6 in the evening. When he exited his office at 8 and checked his phone that had been on silent throughout the day, the first thing that he noticed was the date staring back at him and then the countless missed calls from Taehyung and a few from his other friends.

“Fuck!” Jeongguk entered his car and raced towards the diner, without even a present for Jimin. He was completely dishevelled and utterly tired and felt terrible for not even wishing Jimin a happy birthday in the morning, nevermind making him breakfast at the very least. He thought back on Jimin’s yellow balloon and chocolate cake along with his endless love on his birthday just a month back.

“Shit. I’m so sorry, baby, I’m so sorry. I’m the fucking worst!” He muttered to himself, thrusting his head against the steering wheel until he was forced to move by the incessant honking as the light switched green.

He rushed into the diner 2 hours late, eyes searching for Jimin till he finally found him, along with their friends, squished into a semi-circular booth with red leather seats. He ran towards them, only to find all of them looking a little sombre and not exactly party appropriate. Most of the food had been eaten and just the cake stood untouched. And Jeongguk realised that Jimin had been saving that up for Jeongguk to arrive and then cut together. He finally looked at Jimin. He had his head downturned, hands clasped tightly in his lap and sitting quietly beside an unknown guy.

Jeongguk’s heart broke at the sight.

“I’m-shit I’m so sorry! I’m just… I just had to do this assignment at the last minute, and I lost track of time and I just—”

Just then Jimin looked up and smiled. Jeongguk could see that his eyes were the tiniest bit of red and Jeongguk knew him too well, he knew that Jimin had been trying hard not to cry. And Jeongguk felt like the biggest asshole ever.

“It’s okay. You’re here now. Let’s cut the cake.” Jimin said calmly.

“Jimin what—” Taehyung began, clearly pissed at Jeongguk but Jimin shut him up with a look. Jeongguk didn’t understand how Jimin was being so calm, so forgiving when Jeongguk definitely deserved to be yelled at.

“Just… let’s just cut the cake.” Jimin repeated and Jeongguk nodded, unable to say anything that would ease the tension.  He could feel the judgemental stares from their friends. He wanted to sit beside Jimin but once again noticed the presence of an extremely handsome looking man, sitting comfortably close to his boyfriend. Jeongguk couldn’t help the frown from overtaking his forehead, as he took the seat at the corner of the booth, beside Namjoon, who whispered a quiet “what the hell Guk” to which Jeongguk just kept quiet. He knew he had no excuses..

He observed with growing unease, just how comfortable Jimin seemed to be beside the man, who’s introduction was yet to be made. He knew deep down that he was seeing too much into it. This must be Jimin’s colleague so quite obviously they were supposed to be close, but Jeongguk had a long and yet another bad day and he wasn’t quite in the mood to rationalise. After the cake was cut, and the feeding was done, he once again observed with gritted teeth as the man swiped his right forefinger on the cake’s icing and smeared his boyfriend’s tiny adorable nose with a little smudge, while his boyfriend gave out a small delighted giggle. Jeongguk turned his face away from the scene and looked around the diner, poking his tongue inside his cheek and breathing deeply for a few seconds that went unnoticed by his friends, but he didn’t know that Jimin was already looking at him.

“Right…um, Guk?” Jimin called out and Jeongguk turned his face to see Jimin smiling at him a little tentatively. He felt really bad because lately due to his erratic behaviour and his constant bad temper Jimin had lost his way a little bit despite trying his hardest to adjust and understand Jeongguk. His smiles had gotten a little less bright than usual, his laughter becoming rarer. And that hurt Jeongguk and made him helpless and he just didn’t understand why he himself was changing so much. However for the time being he shoved all those thoughts aside and flashed Jimin, what he hoped was a bright smile.

“Yeah, love?” and he watched as Jimin blushed a sweet pink and preened at the term of endearment and it did somehow assuage his sour heart.

“Well since you were late, I didn’t get a chance to introduce you to Jackson Hyung,” Jimin said, waving his hands towards the man beside him, “so yeah, this is Jackson Wang. He’s my senior by a year at the residency.” Jimin said, now smiling brightly at Jackson, while the guy smiled at Jimin in fondness. And whatever calm that had engulfed Jeongguk’s heart promptly left at the little interaction. He tried his best to not scowl outright. Something dark was swirling within Jeongguk. he had never really been the jealous type, primarily because he never really had anything or anyone worth being so possessive over. Hell, he wasn’t even the angry type. But observing Jimin smiling and being so at ease, sitting beside this admittedly attractive guy the whole evening, Jeongguk realised that he was.  

He didn’t pay attention to the fact that he had zoned out, when Namjoon nudged him at the same time as Jimin called him again, “Jeongguk?” he snapped out of it to find Jackson Wang looking at him expectantly with a brilliant smile which did nothing to lessen Jeongguk’s currently raging envy.

“Jeongguk, hi. It is so nice to finally meet you. Jiminie here, talks about you all the time.” Jackson said brightly, extending his hand.

Jiminie. That’s what he calls Jimin. That’s what Taehyung, his best friend, calls Jimin. Not Jackson, who Jimin had merely known for a few months.

Jeongguk was in too deep with his thoughts to realise he was being blatantly petty but he had to put up appearances and plastered on a fake smile which he hoped wouldn’t give him away.

“Hello. I’m afraid, I can’t say the same. Jimin has never mentioned you.” He said shaking Jackson’s hand but instantly an awkward silence fell over the group and for the first time he saw in Jimin’s face hints of anger, because Jeongguk regretted the moment the words were out because in his irrational fury, he completely forgot that Jimin had mentioned a Jackson Wang. It’s just that lately he hadn’t been paying any attention to anything that wasn’t his shitty internship. So much so that it completely slipped his mind. He suddenly felt very guilty for putting Jimin in a spot like this, by being so outrightly rude.

“Jeongguk,” Jimin said his name with a clear edge to his voice, “I did mention Jackson Hyung to you, and also Emily, who was also supposed to be here today but got stuck on an emergency shift. Guess you’d been a little too preoccupied with work lately to pay attention.” The disappointment in Jimin’s eyes didn’t go unnoticed by Jeongguk. And as he was about to reply, he watched as Jackson threw an arm around Jimin and pulled him closer, playfully shaking him a little and smiling, “Oh it’s alright Jiminie. We’re all a little swamped in our lives right now, plunging headfirst into our budding careers.” He said and laughed, clearly trying to ease the tension as his other friends laughed light heartedly as well. Jackson looked at Jeongguk again, arm still around Jimin and smiled. But Jeongguk’s eyes were fixated on the arm slung around his boyfriend’s shoulder, his jaws were set tight and he somehow tore his eyes away and looked at Jackson's cheerful demeanour and mumbled an unamused, “Yeah, right.”

They sat for a while after that. Jimin insisted on ordering some food for Jeongguk since he missed the dinner but Jeongguk stubbornly declined, missing Jimin’s chagrin and hurt. He was so in his head with all the negative thoughts that he also missed Taehyung quietly trying to comfort Jimin, who had his head hanging low, while their other friends were chatting.

“Well, this has been really pleasant. We should all catch up again sometime.” Jackson said and Jeongguk felt annoyance flare up in him at the guy’s incessant social skills. His friends however thought otherwise as everybody, except him, seemed to have warmed up to this guy who may just as well be someone Jeongguk hates, because even Yoongi agreed to meet up with him again.

What drove the final nail to Jeongguk’s horrendous day was when they had all exited the diner after the payments were done and they were waiting to part ways. Jackson held Jimin’s hands and looked at him with that same cloying fondness that was now setting Jeongguk’s temper on fire. He watched as Jackson bent down from his towering height and placed a short kiss on Jimin’s forehead while Jimin giggled and lightly squatted at Jackson’s arm, while Jackson was smiling like nothing was wrong in the world and uttered an extra bright, “Happy birthday once again, Jiminie! I’ll see you at the hospital tomorrow!” and then he was driving his shiny SUV off into the night.

Jeongguk didn’t utter another word as he stormed off towards where he had parked his car, got in, slammed the door and viciously put his seatbelts on. He was tapping impatiently on the steering wheel when a quiet, dejected Jimin entered and got in, putting his own seatbelt and folding his hands on his lap. Face staring down at his fingers. Jeongguk still didn’t say anything as he started up the engine and sped off towards their apartment.

“Was everything alright at work?” was the first thing Jimin asked after they drove home in radio silence and were now hanging their coats and toeing off their shoes. Jeongguk did acknowledge the fact that Jimin -despite Jeongguk’s slacking behaviour- throughout the evening on an occasion that was supposed to be a very special one considering this was the first time they were sharing it together, never asked why Jeongguk didn’t show up on time, why he never brought any presents or even wished him a happy birthday. No. The concern, for Jimin was still Jeongguk, before everything else.

Jeongguk was probably being run by an evil autopilot at this point, because despite wanting nothing more than to run to Jimin, his ego was on a grim level. Refusing to give in. Because he couldn't quite get Jackson Wang and his apparent affection for his boyfriend out of his mind just yet. So, he refused Jimin an answer and walked to the kitchen for a glass of water.

He saw Jimin standing there for a while, probably disappointed once again, at him for being difficult, but then he heard him walk towards the kitchen as well.

“Jeongguk, what’s wrong baby?” Jimin asked, his voice, timid, fearful. And it was breaking Jeongguk’s heart.

“Nothing.” He replied shortly. Gulping down the water.

“Y-you didn’t even wish me a happy birthday…” Jimin finally said in a soft, small voice, pulling at the ends of his sweater, not looking at Jeongguk. And Jeongguk was about to say he’s sorry and that it’s still 15 minutes to 12 so he can still wish him a happy birthday but just then Jackson’s booming voice wishing Jimin came back to him once again and he reverted whatever it was that he had wanted to say. Something that would have saved their rapidly spiralling situation. But he didn’t.

“What does it matter whether I wished you or not? Looks like you had someone to make you feel special throughout the evening anyways.” He blurted before his brain could catch up. Jimin looked up at him sharply, eyes round and bewildered and Jeongguk instantly regretted it. Because what the fuck was wrong with him? He had never been this blatantly rude to Jimin. Ever.

“What? Who do you mean? Our friends?” he asked, genuinely confused and a wry laugh escaped Jeongguk’s throat. He put the glass down on the kitchen counter harder than necessary.

“Yeah I guess he is quite a special friend of yours.”

“Are you talking about Jackson?” Jimin asked in an even voice but Jeongguk caught the slight tremor in it and he understood Jimin was trying to control his temper.

“Do all your colleagues hold your hand and kiss you on the forehead, Jimin?” Jeongguk said cruelly, unable to help these vile thoughts from spilling out of his mouth. He knew deep down he needed to shut up before it was too late. Before he said something worse that could never be taken back.

Jimin stared at him in shock which slowly morphed into anger.

“What the fuck are you implying?” he said, voice still holding that steely calm.

“You know damn well.”

“NO . No, I don’t Jeongguk! Because from the moment I woke up today, all that I’ve been yearning to hear was you wishing me a ‘happy birthday Jimin’! You! Not anybody else but my own goddamn boyfriend who has barely even looked at me, let alone hold a proper conversation this past month! But I knew you were stressed at work, the difficulties you had to deal with every day so I didn’t want to impose or bother you. Then Tae and the others throw me a surprise and the first person I searched for, once again, was you! And guess what? You weren’t fucking there . You didn’t come till the very last hour and even then you wouldn’t even look at me properly or smile at me! And now you think me and Jack--we...I…? Jimin choked up slightly, unable to finish the sentence as Jeongguk watched Jimin’s chest heave up and down with his outburst. 

Whatever apology he wanted to make, died in his tongue once again at the mention of that guy. He was too blinded by jealousy and anger at this point and he didn’t fucking care. He didn’t stop to think about the consequences of his actions.

“Yeah well I am so sorry , Jimin, that my life, my career isn’t fucking perfect like yours. I’m sorry I’m not a budding doctor with friends who go out of their way to make time for me! I’m so sorry I’m such an asshole of a boyfriend!” Jeongguk spat, the sorrys dripping with sarcasm. He walked out of the kitchen and walked towards the couch standing aimlessly beside the coffee table with one hand on his hips and the other running through his hair as Jimin followed him.

“What?  Jeongguk, stop saying shit like that! We haven’t had a decent conversation in ages. You don’t tell me anything anymore, you don’t want to spend time with me anymore! When I’m the only one trying anymore in this relationship, Jeongguk I’m trying!”

“You don’t have to. You wouldn’t understand cause your life’s all sorted out. You wouldn’t fucking understand, Jimin.”

“Baby, don’t say that. Please. Why are you being this way?” The  despair was clear in Jimin's voice. Jeongguk could see him struggling to reach out to him.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” Jeongguk said, moving further away from Jimin and standing near the window, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Jeongguk, please just— talk to me, please, baby, please.” Jeongguk without even turning could hear Jimin’s tears , but he didn’t understand what heartless monster had possessed him but he just couldn’t bring himself to console Jimin, no matter how terrible he felt deep down. Disregarding that red alarm going somewhere in his head that told him to stop. Stop before it was too late.

“I’m going to sleep.” Jeongguk said, turning around to find Jimin on his knees, tears streaming down his face. He disregarded that pitiful sight as well, and walked towards Namjoon’s bedroom and closed the door shut. He could hear Jimin’s quiet cries from the living room for a while until there was silence and the sound of their own bedroom’s door shutting.

Jeongguk broke down finally and cried. Cried for hurting the love of his life so terribly, something that he never imagined himself doing. For ruining his special day. Never imagined himself to be this cruel. He muffled his pathetic whimpers in the pillow, wondering where the bright eyed, enthusiastic, Jeongguk who was hopelessly in love with Park Jimin from a year ago, disappeared.  

Jeongguk woke up the next day after their fight to find Jimin gone for the hospital, but to Jeongguk’s astonishment, he found in the kitchen counter a plate full of pancakes with a note that read- ‘I love you, I’m so sorry if I hurt you- Jimin.’ Jeongguk clutched the note to his chest and slid down the counter onto the floor and sobbed his eyes out. Because he didn’t fucking deserve Jimin. Why was he apologising? Jeongguk was the one who was viciously, ruthlessly breaking apart their peaceful life, playing heartlessly with his love. Jimin was not at fault. So why was he still being selfless with Jeongguk when he clearly didn’t deserve any of it?

That day at work proved to be yet another disastrous day and Jeongguk’s fragile self esteem was perilously close to shattering to smithereens. But even then he had decided to apologise to Jimin, so he had bought him a bouquet of sunflowers and had driven to Jimin’s hospital. His heart, however, broke promptly when he got down from the car and noticed in the little park in front of the hospital, Jimin and Jackson. More precisely a sad looking Jimin, ever as beautiful in his white lab coat and blue jeans, pastel coloured sweater peeking from underneath the coat and a stethoscope around his neck and a sympathetic looking Jackson, looking every bit gorgeous, who had his arms, once again slung around Jimin’s shoulders, taking a walk around the park casually as if it isn’t a big deal. As if the action alone wasn’t singlehandedly crumbling down Jeongguk’s already broken world.

He shoved the flowers in his backseat trying hard not to cry and pulled out of the parking lot throwing one last look at the two of them. His Jimin , maybe not his anymore. Deep down Jeongguk knew that this was all his doing. He was the one who was pushing Jimin away and into the arms of another man.

They predictably quarrelled that night, Jeongguk losing his temper like he had never done before and hurling unkind words at Jimin which ended up in him leaving for Taehyung’s place without a single word. And the moment Jimin exited the door, Jeongguk had half a mind to run after him and call him back, pull him to his arms where he belonged. He helplessly wondered what was he doing? Sabotaging his own dream relationship with his dream guy. Why? What was happening to him? Was he decidedly losing his mind? Jeongguk didn’t know, as he once again cried himself to sleep, clutching Jimin’s tee shirt to his chest, for his comforting citrus aroma.

It was a week later and Jimin hadn’t returned yet. Jeongguk had to listen to all his friend’s admonitions and interventions. Everyone except Taehyung, the most important to Jimin and somehow that bothered Jeongguk. Did  Jimin ask him not to reach out to Jeongguk? 

He was restlessly doing some half-hearted assignment on his laptop, half sprawled over the couch and consuming a copious amount of coffee. Just then his email notification pinged and he distractedly opened it to check a mail that read- Acceptance Letter. Bewildered Jeongguk opened it and quickly read it through with his heartbeat rapidly escalating. Because, fuck . He had absolutely forgotten about it.

When Jimin had suggested to him that he quit, he had sent his CV to many other companies seeking a long term placement of sorts. He did get a few call-backs but none were satisfactory enough for Jeongguk to quit his internship. But this. This was pretty much huge. The company was a famed modelling agency based in Los Angeles, easily dealing with Ralph Laurent and the likes and Jeongguk was staring at the email of him being accepted as a junior assistant photographer with the details of his transfer there, along with the salary should he choose to accept it.

Jeongguk’s first instinct was to call Jimin, more like run to Jimin and pick him up and twirl him in circles, hear him laugh, something that he doesn’t remember hearing in who knew how long and then kiss him silly. Sharing the good news with the only man that matters to him. But then he remembered why he couldn’t do that.. Because, Jeongguk was the reason that Jimin was not here. Jeongguk was the reason their beautiful relationship was hanging by a fucking thread. And it was all Jeongguk’s insecurity, his dark and negative thoughts and despite hurting Jimin so much he had made zero attempts at any sort of apology.

Jeongguk came to the eerie realisation that maybe he didn’t deserve Jimin after all. Maybe this opportunity to move out of New York was a sign of sorts, that it was no use trying to mend their rapidly breaking relationship, maybe him staying in Jimin’s life was doing nothing but hurt Jimin day in and day out.

Jeongguk had a lot to think. And a whole lot more to cry about. Because maybe he was about to let the love of his life go and set him free from his toxic clutches.

Tears blurred his vision as he quickly typed an affirmative, accepting the job and sent the email before he had a chance to change his mind.

He needed to be selfless for once.

“Jeonggukie, can we talk pl—” Jeongguk zipped up his suitcase swallowing the lump in his throat as he heard Jimin’s voice from the bedroom door. He had heard Jimin come in and had been trying his best to brace himself.

“Jeongguk, wh-what are you doing?” Jimin asked and Jeongguk turned around to see Jimin’s eyes were already glistening, his mouth parted and his lower lip caught in a slight tremble, sensing something was wrong.

“I’ve um, I’ve got a job offer in…in LA. And I’ve, I’ve taken it.” Jeongguk said, not looking at Jimin and trying to busy himself by putting on his wristwatch.

Silence.

“Los Angeles?” Jimin finally asked in a small voice.

“Yeah.”

“Jeonggukie, t-that’s great. I’m so happy for you,.” Jimin said, his sweet voice trying to muster as much enthusiasm as possible but Jeongguk could hear the tremors all clear.

He finally looked at Jimin, his own eyes doing no better in keeping the waterworks at bay.

“Jeongguk, don’t.” Jimin said, as a single tear rolled down his cheeks.

“Baby, the wonder about us is understanding each other without having to actually say it.”

Jimin’s words from all those months ago, came back to Jeongguk as Jimin understood without being told, once again, just what Jeongguk was about to do.

“I’m sorry… Jimin, I’m so sorry. I’ve been nothing but cruel to you these past few months. Done nothing but hurt you, doubt you. Clearly I’m incapable of taking care of you or making you happy anymore. Y-you deserve better.”

“NO! Stop it! Stop it Jeongguk! I want you! I need you! I don’t care about anything better. I’m happy with you! We will figure it out together, we will work this through. We can do long distance. Just, stay with me. Give me your trust, Jeongguk, please.” Jimin pleaded, now standing right in front of Jeongguk and taking his hand.

Jeongguk’s emotions were a mess. His heart was hurting in his chest and he could barely breathe properly. Because was he really doing this? This was his Jimin. The feisty red head he had fallen in love with. But every time he thought of all those insensitive, hurtful things he’d said to Jimin and Jimin’s selfless love, he realised he needed to get his shit together. Needed to be a better man first before he completely broke Jimin down and bruised him for good.

He needed to do this.

So he pulled his hand away from Jimin, watching with pain as Jimin’s face crumbled.

“I’m sorry… you deserve better, trust me, you do.” He said, taking his luggage out into the living room.

“Jeongguk-ah please, p-please don’t. please baby. I love you. What am I… what am I gonna d-do without you?” Jimin was crying now, and his words were like sharp knives jabbing at Jeongguk’s wounded soul.

“I’m s-sorry…I’m so sorry. I’m….” Jeongguk effectively choked up and without a backward glance, because he knew he’d break down for good, he picked up his luggage and opened the door to the apartment as an icy gust of wind blew in.

This was better. Jeongguk was a mess, and Jimin didn’t deserve him . Jeongguk chanted this over and over in his head as he briskly walked out even as he heard a quiet, “Jeongguk…” echo from behind him.

As soon as Jeongguk exited their apartment building and turned a corner into an alley, he flung his bags aside and threw up in the nearest bin. The agony of leaving behind a broken Jimin, devastated and hurting was like actual physical pain to Jeongguk, something that he never even knew existed.

“I am so sorry my love, I’m so, so sorry…”

Jeongguk cried, sitting down on the dirty floor of the alley, bags strewn away, wishing time could take him back before everything fell apart.

Chapter Text

“Can you spell it out for me, love?”

“J-E-O-N.” Jeongguk replied, adjusting the cardboard box and his messenger bag.

“Perfect.” The middle-aged woman, one of the seven receptionists in the long shiny golden counter, muttered as she typed away on her computer, inputting Jeongguk’s details. After a while of tapping away she looked up with a bright smile and handed Jeongguk a key card.

“Here you go, Jeongguk Jeon. Welcome to the building.” She beamed.

“Thank you so much.” Jeongguk smiled back, accepting the card, bowing to her a little which got the woman beaming some more. And then Jeongguk was off towards the elevators, bypassing the crowd moving to and fro in the large space in the reception area, until he reached the intersection that required the swipe of his newly acquired key card, deeming him as one of the employees of the lavish multi-storied building housing twenty or so offices. He successfully swiped the card, balancing the cardboard box and walked above the shiny golden marbled floor, nodding towards a few people who greeted a polite good morning. Finally reaching the elevators he pressed the button and waited for it to arrive, and soon enough five more people came and stood beside him. the elevator finally reached the designated destination with a ding and some people exited while Jeongguk and the rest stepped in. His office was on the 17 th floor and so he pressed the button while the others pressed their respective ones. And then he waited, the usual swoop of the belly occurring as the machine shot upwards.

The doors dinged open once again and Jeongguk found himself behind the glass doors of a shiny place that was to be his workplace from now on. He took a second to assess the surroundings of Aphrodisiac, the name written in fancy cursive on the large double glassed doors that led to the foyer and the reception. Jeongguk pushed in and entered. The floor was of spotless white marble, reflecting the sleek circular lights fitted throughout the ceiling. A medium sized chandelier hung at the very centre of it. A long corridor leading towards the main office was on the left while straight ahead lay a pristine white counter which was the reception and where a young man was currently sitting typing away. On the right, there went another corridor that said conference and seminar halls. The foyer was decorated with classic white marble statues and the wall behind the reception counter was adorned with framed photos of runway models associated with the agency. A rack of expensive and outrageous looking clothes stood in one corner, probably symbolism of what the company stood for. Fashion . And an ocean-green couch in another, with a glass table in front, housing multiple magazines.

Jeongguk took a deep breath and his grip on his belongings tightened. He was pretty much out of his depth here. But he had to begin somewhere and he was glad to be lucky enough to have gotten this opportunity. But then, at what cost...? He shook his head off those thoughts, those were frankly dangerous territories when this was his first day at his new job. He could see people milling about. Men in smart business casuals while some women in form fitting dresses and high heels that made sharp sounds on the floor, and others in more bohemian silhouettes and fancy flats.  

Jeongguk himself was dressed in fitted black slacks and a grey full sleeved button up, with the top two buttons undone, with his usual black trench coat thrown on top, which considering the central heating of the building, needed to come off. He had researched prior, the kind of dress code that was followed and it wasn’t necessarily corporate chic. Since they delved in fashion, the employees themselves were expected to be good at it. Jeongguk had been apprehensive because he had basically known sweatpants and tee shirts or a pair of fitted denims and a fancy shirt at best all his life.

He walked up to the reception and cleared his throat awkwardly, feeling increasingly nervous. The young man, with a mop of brilliant purple hair and soft features with a pair of red rimmed glasses perched on his nose, looked up from his computer and smiled a carefully mastered smile. Something about the outrageously coloured hair sent a sharp pain of memory in Jeongguk. A certain Redhead…

“Good morning, how may I help you?” Purple-Haired guy asked in a polished voice.

Jeongguk gulped slightly, and found out that his throat had gone dry.

“Uhm, Jeongguk Jeon, I’m the uh- the new Junior Assistant Photographer.” He said, once again adjusting his hold on the cardboard box.

The man turned towards his computer without a word and did some more clicking on the keypad, his eyes scanning to verify Jeongguk’s words until he smiled, a more genuine one this time.

“Ah, Jeongguk Jeon. You’re scheduled to begin from today. You’ll have to wait a bit for your ID. About 15 minutes. You make yourself comfortable over there, because you’ll need your ID to access your office. Is that alright?” he asked.

“Yes, yes of course.” Jeongguk replied, smiling back, as the man motioned towards the couch sprawled on one side of the reception.

“Great. Welcome to Aphrodisiac, Jeongguk. I’m Benjamin, by the way.” Benjamin said conversationally as Jeongguk gingerly sat down on the couch and placed his box on the floor. Everything looked so expensive that he feared of fucking things up.

“Nice to meet you, Benjamin.” Jeongguk smiled politely.

Benjamin grinned and got down to making Jeongguk’s ID.

Jeongguk took the opportunity and fished his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it.

No new messages, except for a missed call from his mother. It wasn’t like he had expected anything else. It had been two weeks since he left New York. The first week in L.A had been spent apartment hunting until he found a studio apartment twenty minutes from his office. The next week’s first half was spent settling in, buying a few things to furnish his new flat and the next half worrying about his new job till finally he had to come join today.

Ever since the time he left New York on a whim, he hadn’t contacted any of his friends, although they did try to reach out on the second day of Jeongguk’s literal running away. Especially Namjoon. Sending Jeongguk voicemail after voicemail and countless messages, trying to get Jeongguk to talk to him. But Jeongguk had shut him out and ignored everything. Mostly because of the raging guilt that weighed  down his heart. The way he severed every single bond he had with every single person that mattered to him. Had selfishly decided things for himself and not allowed anybody to have a say in it. He knew Namjoon, of all people, deserved an explanation, deserved an apology, but Jeongguk couldn’t bring himself to do so just yet. He was still so lost, so heartbroken, that he had just decided to take things as they came. Living one day at a time, knowing well enough that he had to face his friends, particularly Namjoon and Yoongi.  But then Jimin probably told them everything already.

Jimin…

The very thought of his name triggered an instant burning sensation behind Jeongguk’s eyelids, a threat of tears. He stared blankly at the white marble floor and chewed his bottom lip. He hadn’t seen Jimin in two weeks, which quite literally felt more than two years. Two weeks of radio silence. Two weeks since he broke apart and left behind his life with Jimin. He still gets choked up when he reads the last text Jimin sent a day after Jeongguk walked out of their apartment- I love you. Always take care of yourself.

Not a single spiteful comment, not a smidge of hatred. When Jeongguk knew he deserved Jimin’s rage, his hatred. Jimin was the one who deserved an explanation the most. But Jeongguk was too cowardly to give any. Too overwhelmed with his confusing emotions to take a breath and sort them out and not go ahead and set fire to everything he held dear. Everything he still holds dear. He has been waking up every night, in the arms of sleep, absentmindedly searching for Jimin beside him, mumbling his name, searching for his scent, his body warmth, only to jerk awake and find himself alone in a different bed than their own. No sounds of Jimin humming, of Luna mewling, of the sirens of New York, or the smell of citrus. Every morning he wakes up only to come up short and get his heart broken all over again. Yet he somehow gets through the day. He probably deserves this for being so weak as not being able to deal with a work crisis and projecting it on things and people that were everything to him.

He misses New York, he misses his friends-his little family.

He misses Jimin so badly that sometimes he finds it difficult to breathe. So badly that he has to drink some nights away to numb the pain. Only two weeks apart from him, and Jeongguk feels like a heavily bruised version of himself.

He still loves Jimin so much, that all he wants to do is to somehow run to him and beg for Jimin to take him back. But he knows he can’t, because what right does he have anymore? After he willingly crushed their hopes with his bare hands. Crushed Jimin’s heart too?

“Jeongguk? Hello? Are you feeling okay?” Benjamin’s slightly loud and concerned voice startled him. He hadn’t realised he had zoned out pretty badly and that his eyes had grown moist. He reprimanded himself and was highly embarrassed at crying on his first day at his new job and that too in public. He really needs to get a grip on  his scattered emotions. He sniffled a little and hurriedly got up and could feel the receptionist eyeing him curiously. Jeongguk doesn’t blame him.

“Sorry, I-uh, I caught a cold.” Jeongguk lied lamely, offering a stilted smile. Benjamin looked a little sceptical but then smiled kindly, searching on his desk and taking out a clean tissue and offering it to Jeongguk.

“Here you go. I hope you feel better.” Benjamin smiled. And something about the small act of kindness nearly coaxed more tears out of Jeongguk who really was in a highly vulnerable state. He accepted the tissue and dabbed at his nose a bit, not sure if sniffling like a withering old man was admissible so early on in the day.

“Thank you, Benjamin.”

“Please, call me Benji. Everyone here does. Well, except the boss cause she’s too proper for that.” Benjamin giggled. And Jeongguk snorted a little, already liking the guy. Benjamin adjusted his glasses and then picked up the freshly printed ID and handed it to Jeongguk.

“Now you’re officially an employee of Aphrodisiac.” He said cheerfully and Jeongguk smiled some more, the man’s light hearted friendliness feeling a sort of comfort, after going completely without friends or love for two long weeks. Jeongguk had never been subject to distance of this kind before.

“Thank you again, Benji.” Jeongguk took the ID and inspected it. His photo, which had been mailed, was plastered on one corner and his name and job details printed in neat letters with an access laser on top which would work as an access pass of sorts.

“Anytime, Jeongguk. I hope you have a great first day!” Benji said encouragingly and Jeongguk finally made his way to the couch to pick up his box and walked towards the winding corridor on the left that led to the offices. He was still feeling extremely out of it with all this drastic change from his murky old internship office, with their old-fashioned settings, never mind the fact that despite being a junior photographer he was granted a separate office now, understandably a small space, but a private one nonetheless, to call his own. Jeongguk eyed the big rooms on either side of the corridor, all glass doors and see through. Colourful clothes peeked out from all the display racks and the employees were all busy with their respective work.

He finally found his office, a small squared space, with the signature glass doors and walls and labelled with- Junior Assistant Photographer. He put in his ID and the door clicked open and he stepped in. The air inside smelt a little bottled up, probably like all closed rooms tended to be. There was a medium sized desk with a wooden top and a leather chair. Two more chairs facing his and the walls all lined with the generic Aphrodisiac accomplishments. It was a modest space that can be decorated on personal liking.

He placed his cardboard box on the table and walked towards the floor to ceiling windows overlooking a bustling Los Angeles. The blinds were drawn up and the sunlight was filtering in, a little mellow given the timing of the year- middle of November.

He sighed, nothing felt complete. He didn’t feel as happy as he knew he should. He also knew the reason. But there was nothing that he could do. He moved away from the window and began unpacking. First taking his laptop out and placing it in the middle. There was already a table calendar and a table clock set on the desk. He took out his camera and placed it in the single shelf kept at an arm’s distance from the desk along with a few other gear and camera equipment. Then he turned his attention to the cardboard box. Now this was more sentimental. He took out a small potted plant that Jimin had given him in one of their monthversary. Back then Jeongguk had teased him for celebrating their relationship month by month but Jimin had haughtily declared that he would do whatever he felt like because he was in love and he was gonna show it.

Now though, it was probably one of Jeongguk’s dearest possessions. He put the plant on a jutted-out space near the window where it could get sunlight. He was determined to take care of the plant. And then came out the photographs and Jeongguk had to steel himself a bit for that. He looked out of the office room and the corridor was frequently walked on by the employees. He had to be careful to not break down and freak people out. He had been close to doing that at the reception. He took a deep breath and first placed the framed photographs of his parents. Of himself with Namjoon, Yoongi and Seokjin. A group photo of Jeongguk, Namjoon, Seokjin, Yoongi, Hoseok and Taehyung taken by Jimin when they’d all gone to watch a movie together.

And then a framed polaroid of him and Jimin. Jimin had red hair then. His arms were looped around Jeongguk’s neck, his eyes were closed and his mouth was parted, caught in one of his famed all out laughter, wearing a yellow tee shirt and radiating happiness in waves. And then there was Jeongguk in a faded white tee shirt. Holding Jimin with one hand around his waist and the other hand caught in mid-air in some gesture. He was looking at Jimin, eyes scrunched in corners and all his teeth out. Looking at Jimin with all the love in the world . Jeongguk knew it was taken by Taehyung, sometime after both Jimin and Jeongguk had graduated.

It was one of his favourite photos of him and Jimin. But then again, probably all photos with Jimin were his favourite. He couldn’t stop his vision from blurring a little at the intense sadness he felt while watching Jimin’s blissfully happy face, something he hasn’t seen in the longest time. He watched his own face. His heart was still so full of love, but the happiness was now replaced with pain at having his lover no longer close. He closed his eyes and gripped the photo harder composing himself, grounding himself. And then gently placed it nearest to his laptop. He took out a few other knick-knacks from the box, a handmade coaster by his mother, a couple of fountain pens and a pen holder by his father and arranged them accordingly. Seemingly satisfied he sank down on the chair and stared out at the corridor, with his head in his hands. He bent his head low, gripping his hair. Feeling oddly aimless.

A knock on the glass door made him turn up to see a tall man in a red button up and dark brown slacks and slicked back brunette hair, standing on the other side and when Jeongguk sat up straighter, he entered, the smell of expensive perfume entering along with him.

“Hey, you must be the new photographer.” The man went straight to the point but he was smiling eagerly, not taking a seat yet. Jeongguk got up from his chair and self consciously fixed his shirt a bit.

“Yeah, hi, I’m Jeongguk.” he said, extending his hand, which the man shook.

“Pleasure to meet you, Jeongguk, I’m Malchin Kim, seems like I’ve found my fellow countrymen here.” Malchin laughed a little and Jeongguk was pleasantly surprised. It was nice to have someone to speak his language with at the very least. Despite living nearly all his life in America, there was nothing like speaking in one’s mother tongue.

“Wow, yeah, that is really nice actually. Nice to meet you too Malchin-ssi.” Jeongguk said switching to Korean and using honorifics thinking the man would probably appreciate it but to his surprise the man kind of did not. Rather he dismissively waved his hand and said, “No no. No need for all that formality here. Korean honorifics are so backdated anyways. Call me Malchin.” He said, partly in Korean but mostly in English. Jeongguk nodded a little even though he begged to differ. Because honorifics weren’t backdated, they were a tradition and he respected that. He only dropped them with people he was extremely close and comfortable with and knew on a personal level and even then he made sure to always maintain that respect. This is something his parents had taught him despite living outside their home country.

Jeongguk wondered why the man even mentioned their shared country when he just had to negate everything.

“Anyways, I’m the boss’s secretary and the newbies are called by in her office for an orientation of sorts, so I came to fetch you.” Malchin said, once again speaking primarily in English just throwing in a word or two in Korean here and there.

“Sure, let’s go.” Jeongguk replied, entirely in Korean, after picking up his portfolio.

They made their way to the big beautiful office of the head of the agency, Miranda Priestly, a silver tongued, impeccably dressed, highly intelligent woman, with greying hair and sharp features, who takes no bullshit from anyone. But her dealings with her employees were kind and just and Jeongguk knew that her agency had never been slammed with any sort of allegations regarding race, gender or otherwise. Case in point was Jeongguk himself and the secretary Malchin along with one French and one English lady. The diversity was there and Miranda may be sharp but she was efficient in her ways and the orientation went on pleasantly.

The rest of the day passed by slowly, with Jeongguk mainly getting acquainted with his work and meeting his immediate superior, the head photographer, Jonathan, a 40 or so year old man with eccentric clothing but excellent camera skills. Jeongguk felt quite comfortable already after interacting with him. At the end of the first day, he declined an after-office bar hopping invitation from Benji and headed straight home. It was 8 in the evening when he finally walked inside his empty apartment, without personality, without warmth, without Jimin. Putting his keys in the bowl beside the door he toed off his shoes and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. He had chosen to walk home. A decidedly odd move, but it wasn’t like he had somewhere else to be or someone to come home early to.

He drank his water, staring out the window of his first-floor apartment onto the opposite building. He had contemplated on maybe getting a pet, a mouse or a rabbit, to combat his raging loneliness, but then every time he decides against it ultimately. Deeming himself too irresponsible to care for the animals. He once again had a half-hearted dinner of some leftover pizza, knowing full well just how unhealthy it was, but he couldn’t find it in himself to give a single damn. He ate while watching some infomercials on TV. Mostly for background noise than entertainment. After dinner he cleaned the dirty dishes and his kitchen and walked to his bedroom with a cup of coffee, switching off all the lights in the living room, and just turned on his bedside lamp as he got into bed and under the covers with his laptop, switching it on to look over the brief that was sent by Jonathan that day.

Jeongguk was highly taken aback at bagging an assignment on his first day itself, a photoshoot for a magazine, to be held in some rich person’s mansion in Sunset Boulevard. Seeing how Jeongguk had gaped at the opportunity, Jonathan had laughed and informed him that this is just how things worked around in Aphrodisiac. The workload was always thick. Jeongguk didn’t mind that of course, he had missed this which was precisely why his last job sucked. But as he scrolled through the sample photos and read the theme of the shoot, which should have been making him extremely happy, instead just left with a taste of bitter dissatisfaction that mingled with the bitter aftertaste of the black coffee.

After studying it for over an hour, Jeongguk went to bed, putting the empty coffee cup on his bedside table and switching off the light, the streetlights from outside illuminating his small apartment. He knew he won’t be going to sleep anytime soon. So, he did what he had been doing every single night, taking his phone, unlocking it, staring at Jimin’s wallpaper for a few minutes then heading to his gallery and selecting one of the innumerable videos he had of Jimin and played one taken in their apartment where Jimin had been dancing hilariously to some funny music. Jeongguk himself had been laughing so much while recording that his hands were shaking.

He curled up in the blankets, clutching the phone with eyes glued to Jimin’s every movement. Wondering how his residency was going, wondering if he’s eating properly, wondering how Luna was, wondering on which side of the bed Jimin was sleeping, if he was taking care of himself, if he still misses Jeongguk, if he still loves him.

“I love you, baby. There’s not a day goes by that I don’t miss you. I wish I was brave enough to let you know how sorry I am…” Jeongguk mumbled, tracing Jimin’s face in a picture through his phone screen. Never did he think it’d come to this.

Jimin remained frozen in time and laughing and Jeongguk fell asleep, his pillow moist from his tears and phone unlocked and still clutched in his hands.

The days went by in relative ease. The misery regarding his work that he used to feel every day in his internship office completely got replaced with highly challenging work that Jeongguk thoroughly enjoyed undertaking. Jonathan was a good mentor, kind and patient and between the two of them they delivered fine work. Considering the fact that Miranda, would expect nothing less. Jeongguk was happy work wise, finally feeling like his career was taking off. But every single night he came home alone, the misery of his personal life hit him full force and evaporated whatever happiness he had felt at work. Leaving him with a hollow ache in his chest, that just never subsided no matter what he tried. He perpetually felt tired, and listless, and these weren’t just results of his work pressure. So, no matter how many drinks he shared with Benji or Malchin or Jonathan, that big missing part within Jeongguk remained empty.

Before Jeongguk knew it, he was waking up one morning and it was Christmas. He was prepared to feel bitter and thoroughly sad the entire day, given the fact that his mind was already ridden with memories of the past year where he had Jimin with him, where he had kissed Jimin for the first time, tasted the first flavours of love. He was making himself a cup of hot chocolate, all alone, eyes red with crying, because whatever else was gone from Jeongguk’s life, tears seemed to be a faithful constant. His monotonicity was broken by the sound of the doorbell. He frowned. He wasn’t expecting anyone. Even though Benji had become a good friend, Jeongguk had intentionally kept his new office colleagues at an arm’s length, unwilling to let anybody else close.

He shuffled towards the door in his sweatpants and his hideous Christmas sweater, which when he was wearing in the morning had made him smile in fond memories, missing Namjoon and his matching pair. He rubbed his eyes off the sleep and opened the door without checking the peep hole.

And blinked.

There standing with a few bags, was Namjoon and Seokjin.

Jeongguk stared in shock at the two faces he didn’t know he missed so badly till Namjoon spoke softly.

“Merry Christmas, Guk.” And that’s when Jeongguk noticed Namjoon was wearing his hideous sweater as well. Because tradition was tradition.

Namjoon, ignoring Jeongguk’s stupefied form, and without waiting for Jeongguk to ask him to come in, wordlessly stepped inside the apartment, discarded his luggage on the floor and took Jeongguk in an embrace, while Seokjin hauled their other bag in.

Jeongguk was still a bit astonished to react but finally it hit him, he hugged Namjoon back, burying his face in Namjoon’s shoulder. Namjoon who was a few inches taller than Jeongguk and who smelt like home and comfort and family. Something that had been absolutely missing from Jeongguk’s life for weeks, something he had punished himself from having. He clutched onto Namjoon for dear life just savouring the moment that his best friend and brother was really there with him. While Namjoon comfortingly patted the back of Jeongguk’s head like he used to when Jeongguk was younger.

After feeling satisfied with the proximity, Jeongguk detached himself from Namjoon as the other man smiled fondly, forgivingly and then he repeated the affection with a waiting Seokjin. He now thought back to how Namjoon had texted him asking his address in L.A. on the pretext of sending a Christmas Card. Jeongguk couldn’t have imagined them actually coming to meet him. But he has never felt happier.

His house was predictably devoid of festive decorations but to his surprise he found Seokjin had insisted on bringing over a table sized pine tree and some little ornaments because nobody should have to go without a little taste of Christmas. Jeongguk had almost cried at the gesture. He had missed it so much. Missed them so much.

It was 3 in the afternoon and they were all huddled in Jeongguk’s bed, half sprawled under blankets after ordering some take out and exchanging gifts. More like Seokjin and Namjoon bringing him sweaters and mufflers. Jeongguk of course, had nothing to give them for which he was highly sad about.

“How are you, Guk?” Namjoon asked. So far he had avoided asking anything directly related to Jeongguk’s personal wellbeing, choosing instead to talk about his book shop, which Jeongguk expressed he missed every day, and Seokjin’s niece Milli, who Seokjin told misses Jeongguk ever since he left his nanny job.

Jeongguk mulled over the question because there were a lot of factors that went into answering it. And none were straightforward. So he chose to give them a surface level reply.

“I’m doing okay, Hyung.”

“Are you happy?” Seokjin asked quietly, from where he was laying on Namjoon’s stomach, using him as a pillow.

Now that was a more serious question that required a lot of analysis. Because the first thing that Jeongguk wanted to say was no. No he wasn’t happy. But then again, he is supposed to be because the reason why he left behind his life in New York, his shitty job, was now nicely compensated for, by a very fulfilling workplace. However, not wanting to worry his friends, he said instead, “Yeah. The work here is really interesting and I’m finally getting to do what I wanted.” He offered them a small smile, hugging his pillow to his chest.

Namjoon was absentmindedly drawing circles around Seokjin’s hair. He suddenly looked at Jeongguk and said, “You should have given Jimin the option to choose what he wanted to do, discussed with him if he was willing with your sudden new arrangement. You didn’t have any right to walk out on him without giving him a choice or yourself a chance, Jeongguk.” Namjoon said, voice soft but words firm. And the mention of Jimin had his face crumbling.

Because finally it was out there, in the open. Like ripping a Band-Aid. He never had to speak about it with his friends till today, not face to face at least and even over text Jeongguk had avoided speaking about it. But he knew this was long overdue. Everybody in his life deserved an explanation, even his mother who had asked about Jimin once or twice only for Jeongguk to change the subject. He had been escaping from everything for his own selfish needs. And now Namjoon was definitely speaking to him with judgement but also concern and Jeongguk knew he deserved it.

He kept quiet for a long time, but his friends didn’t force him. The sounds of the street and the wall clock filled the space along with their own collective breaths. Finally Jeongguk sighed and spoke, “I thought I didn’t deserve him. I was consistently being such an asshole to him, even before his birthday, while he had been nothing but patient with me. It bothered me to an extent that I didn’t know what else to do.”

“And you just decided for him, that you just had to walk away? What if he thought otherwise? What if he still thinks otherwise?” Seokjin demanded.

Still thinks otherwise ….  No, no way. Jimin should have moved on from Jeongguk, he deserved that.

Jeongguk bowed his head and bit his bottom lip, looking at his palms above the blanket.

“How…how is he, Hyung?” he asked softly, eyes closed, so that he doesn’t have to look at them.

This was the first time he had asked about Jimin. After so long, he wanted to know how the love of his life was doing. His friends didn’t reply immediately but Jeongguk hadn’t expected them to.

“He’s… he’s dealing with it.” Namjoon said carefully, “he’s busier these days at the hospital.”

Jeongguk nodded, he knew he had lost his rights to ask details about Jimin’s life no matter how badly he wanted to know.

“It’s not really our place to say, Guk-ah… but, Jiminie… Well, he’s not the same anymore.” Seokjin said and the sadness in his voice didn’t go unnoticed by Jeongguk. He felt like the very worst person. Jimin is not the same anymore. Jimin, the bright eyed, ever happy, chatty Redhead who loved Queen and was scared of moths… and the last memory of him was a heartbroken tear-stricken brown haired boy… an image that Jeongguk had induced.

And now he’s not the same anymore, meaning he must be even worse than how Jeongguk last left him.

He couldn’t hide the tears that slid down his cheeks against his will. He wiped at them tiredly.

“I miss him…” he whispered.

Seokjin got up from his position on Namjoon and shifted till he could hug Jeongguk patting his back gently. Jeongguk sniffled and felt like a child crying on Christmas Day for having been denied gifts. And maybe it was true. His greatest gift of life was no longer with him.

“Jeongguk, listen to me. I know you’re doing well at your work here, but I can see how dreadfully unhappy you are. You look thinner than ever, the dark circles beneath your eyes are prominent and the youthful spark in your eyes that I grew up watching, is gone. There are so many job opportunities in New York, you know that very well. Stop punishing yourself like this when you’re clearly still hung up on Jimin. Come back home, Guk.” Namjoon spoke, now sitting cross legged with a pillow on his lap and looking every bit serious. Jeongguk was reclining on Seokjin’s shoulder who had his arm slung around him.

“I don’t deserve him. He deserves better.” Jeongguk robotically replied.

“ Stop deciding things for Jimin, Jeongguk!” Namjoon said heatedly.

And the sudden loud voice startled Jeongguk and he snapped out of whatever pessimistic daze he was in. He felt guilt weighing down on him, for disappointing everyone so massively.

“Are you or are you not in love with Jimin anymore?” Seokjin asked, much softly.

And Jeongguk replied in a heartbeat, “I still love him, more than ever.”

“Then promise me you’ll think about what we said, Jeongguk. Please, don’t do this to yourself. Nothing is more important than your own happiness.” Namjoon spoke, gentler this time.

Jeongguk kept quiet but eventually looked up at his friends’ expectant faces and nodded tentatively.

“Okay, okay… I will.”

He wasn’t sure whether he really will, because at the back of his mind the guilt of hurting Jimin beyond repair and taking his love for granted was always festering him. That dark voice was always taunting him and telling that he didn’t deserve him.

Namjoon and Seokjin left early the next morning on 26 th and Jeongguk cried like a baby whose parents were leaving him at boarding school, hugging both of them tightly, as they both cuddled him fondly like the youngest baby he was and promised to come visit him often.

“Or you could come back home, Gukie.” was the final thing Namjoon said with a gentle, reassuring smile, till their cab arrived and they left.

It was a gloomy February morning, raining out of season and Jeongguk was holed up in his office. He had been worse for wear. Nowadays infinitely more tired and unable to follow instructions properly and even the usually patient Jonathan had been a little stern at Jeongguk’s slacking behaviour warning him that Miranda won’t take it lightly and Jeongguk knew it. He had just been so monumentally sad to have missed a new year with Jimin, missed their first anniversary, the first snow that Jimin loved so much. He had been missing Jimin every waking second of his life so much that he had lost his desires for everything else. To eat, to sleep, to work.

So, when Malchin suggested they go for a drink after work he readily agreed, something which he wouldn’t have done usually, choosing to head straight home after work. It was now a quarter to 9 in the evening and the bar was filled with patrons nursing various drinks and buzzing in different stages of intoxication. Jeongguk himself was sipping now and then from his huge mug of beer, already pleasantly buzzed and mind feeling all sorts of loose while Malchin was downing a whiskey.

“So, Jeongguk, you have a partner?” Malchin asked, speech a little slurred from drinking the decidedly hard liquor, and his third glass at that. They had been mostly speaking about jobs and the fashion industry up until that point, but now with alcohol in their system, the more intrusive questions began showing up.

Jeongguk smiled in nostalgia staring at his bubbling beer mug, thinking back on an adorably drunk Jimin at their graduation party which now seemed like ages ago.

“Yeah, yeah I do.” He said unthinkingly.

“Wait, you do? As… as in you have someone in your life now ?” Malchin asked in surprise.

That’s when Jeongguk realised that he had spoken about his relationship in the present tense. He took a generous swig of the beer to tamper down the feelings.

“I mean… I did.” he said quietly.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Malchin said. He was looking at Jeongguk thoughtfully. “So what happened? Was it a girl or a boy?” Malchin was decidedly being way too intrusive for someone who Jeongguk didn’t really consider more than an acquaintance, what with the man’s inclination to toe the line with the Americans all the time and not even wanting to speak Korean with Jeongguk. But Jeongguk was kinda drunk so he didn’t really mind.

“I broke his heart. B-broke mine too.” He said, eyes glazed over with memories of his love as he clutched onto the mug tighter. Jeongguk didn’t notice that Malchin had slid down from his barstool and come up to stand beside him, placing a hand on his arm and rubbing softly.

“That’s too bad. Looks like you still love him.” he whispered, now having leaned down closer to Jeongguk’s ears.

“Yeah, yeah I do… I love him so much it hurts.” Jeongguk blabbered, discretion going out the window as he rapidly fell into the headspace of memory and nostalgia aided by the alcohol in his veins. He was still out of it to notice Malchin’s subtle manoeuvring, till he was sat on Jeongguk’s lap with his head between his palms, making Jeongguk look at him. Jeongguk had a hard time focusing on Malchin’s face, his fourth beer doing its tricks. He blinked up at Malchin.

“Why don’t I take that pain away, hm?” He murmured, leaning in closer.

“You’re...y-you’re so beautiful, Jimin…” Jeongguk murmured, awed, himself leaning in as well. In complete disregard of place, time or his own mental faculties, feeling and seeing things that absolutely weren’t there. All he felt, all he saw was Jimin , and how badly he needed him. But the movement was halted suddenly when the lips that he touched were most definitely not his Jimin’s. They weren’t as soft, didn’t taste like marshmallows and kindness, didn’t feel like home and suddenly clarity hit him like a ton of bricks and he jerked away before the kiss could escalate. The force of his movement dislodged the man sitting on his lap.

“What do you think you’re doing ?!” Jeongguk cried out, viciously rubbing his lips off the touches of some man who wasn’t Jimin. Fuck he had almost been unfaithful, almost cheated on Jimin, as if all his crimes so far weren’t enough. This was a close call!

“Well, you were the one who seemed all pathetic and shit. I just wanted to cheer you up.” Malchin said casually, wobbling on his feet a bit, totally drunk.

“I was not being pathetic! And you were clearly taking advantage of my vulnerability!” Jeongguk snapped, now nearly sober. He picked up his jacket and put it on, asking for a glass of water from the bartender and when he was given one, he drank it.

“Hey now, don’t be such a prude. It’s a fucking bar, man, we’re all drunk here. And anyway, didn’t you say you were broken up? What’s the harm in having a little fun?” Malchin said, walking closer to Jeongguk once again.

“I may be broken up but he’s the only man I love. So you stay the fuck away from me. I’m leaving.” Jeongguk retorted, paying his tabs and walking past the man even as he heard him call out his name.

The cold air outside sobered him up even more.

“Fuck, Jimin. I’m so sorry! I didn’t, I swear I didn’t!” he whispered, still furiously rubbing his lips. Feeling disgusted with himself to even imagine the implications if he hadn’t sobered up at the right moment. He finally hailed a taxi to head back home.

No, not home… his impersonal living space. This wasn’t his home. LA. wasn’t his home. Home was where his friends were, where a certain crescent eyed, sweet-smelling doctor was. Home was New York. And as he sat inside the cab and watched the city lights pass him by, Jeongguk realised the mistake that he had been making. Forcing himself away from someone without whom he quite literally cannot keep living his life, if his dwindling mental and physical health was any indication.

Jeongguk decided that this self-isolation needed to be over. He needed to fix things the right way instead of removing himself without giving anyone a chance at a discussion. He wanted to try again, start everything from scratch if he had to. Beg for Jimin’s forgiveness. Anything as long as he could see Jimin again. 3 months and he was already fucked up without Jimin.

This had to stop. He would be better. He would be worthy of Jimin. But not away from him. With him, having Jimin beside him.

The next few days were a blur with Jeongguk giving in his three weeks’ notice and needless to say, Miranda and Jonathan weren’t happy. Jonathan, especially, upset to have his bright young protégé leave so suddenly. He did ask for a reason but Jeongguk had only maintained that he “wanted to go home.” Benji was upset too, and Jeongguk promised to keep in touch with him, having grown quite friendly with the purple haired guy. The only person he avoided entirely was Malchin and thankfully the other man seemed to share his sentiment as he steered clear from Jeongguk the day he had come to collect his things. Returning the ID and the key card, Jeongguk took a flight back to New York that day itself, feeling a liberating sense of accomplishment. A weightlessness that he hadn’t felt in months.

The solid pain on his chest seemed to be lifted simultaneously with the lift off of the airplane as Los Angeles slowly receded to specks and soon New York came alive. Jeongguk hadn’t realised just how much he had missed the city with its sky-high buildings that housed all the people he loved.

“I’m coming back to you, Jimin.” Jeongguk whispered softly, as he watched the airplane rapidly begin touchdown.

Jeongguk was sitting inside the cab that was taking him to Jimin’s and his apartment, where Jimin still stayed as he had found out from Namjoon. He honestly didn’t know how he’d face Jimin after all these months or if Jimin would even want him there, but he knew it would be fine at the end of the day. He just needed to see Jimin, to finally be able to breathe properly again. He had a little smile as he watched the city rush past, taking in all the familiar sights.

Things happened suddenly, and in rapid succession. One second Jeongguk was sitting quietly with his thoughts filled with Jimin and his hands clasping and unclasping in nervousness and the next thing he felt was an impact and a deafening noise. A burning pain in his left abdomen and then he was toppling over till he skidded out of the cab, realising briefly that they were hit. The last thing he knew before he blacked out with an intense pain at the back of his head, was his mouth moving to form one single word. 

One single name.

“Jimin…”   

Chapter Text

“Love of my life, you’ve hurt me

You’ve broken my heart

And now you leave me

Love of my life,

Can’t you see?

Bring it back, bring it back

Don’t take it away from me, because

You don’t know

What it means to me

Love of my life, don’t leave me

You’ve taken my love

You now desert me

Love of my life,

Can’t you see?

Bring it back, bring it back

Don’t take it away from me, because

You don’t know

What it means to me…”

Jimin absentmindedly mouthed the lyrics to Love of My Life by Queen, as it played from his stereo, while he drove to the quiet stiffness of his car. It was almost instinct. This song had become an anthem of sorts for him. Everyday he drove back and forth from the hospital with just this one song playing. He played this as a background noise of sorts as he cooked, ate, took a shower. He knew it was pretty much manic at this point but he couldn’t help it. If anything had come close to douse the burning ache in Jimin’s chest, it had been this song. It was almost as if Freddie Mercury had written it for him. Because the lyrics were really a confessional of sorts, what Jimin had been feeling every single day, what he had been asking himself every waking minute. Where had he gone wrong? Had he not loved enough? Had he loved too much? Why was it that even after three, nearly four months, the pain was still as fresh as yesterday? They say Time's supposed to heal you. Or at the very least, lessen it a bit. But Jimin was pretty sure that not even a miniscule of it had lessened, ever since that fateful day in early November, every little thing felt the same.

If only he knew getting his heartbroken would hurt so bad, he would’ve thought twice before falling so hopelessly in love. Because here he was, with a substantial amount of time come and gone, and he was still as blinded, still as surrounded with everything Jeon Jeongguk.

He stopped at a bakery that was on his way to the hospital, to get some cupcakes and muffins for himself and Taehyung. He buys some sweet treats a couple times a week because Taehyung had a massive sweet tooth and it was nice to be eating something that wasn’t the bland hospital cafeteria menu. He parked his car and got out mindlessly. It was 8 in the morning and people were gearing up to begin their day. The bakery was an early opener, run by an old lady who was always kind and even snuck cakes and muffins on the house every now and then for Jimin, who had become a pretty much regular customer by now.

He entered the warmth of the place, his nostrils flaring up to inhale that distinctive sweet aroma of baked goods, filling up his senses and automatically making him smile a little. The lady greeted him in her usual enthusiasm and he ordered a few chocolate chip muffins and vanilla cupcakes. As he waited for his order to be prepared, he idly scrolled through his phone. There were a few messages from the nurses, updating him on his patients, two from Jackson asking how he is doing and multiple from Taehyung. The usual. He distractedly thumbed over Jeongguk’s contact and his messages that now sat at the very bottom of his chat list, given the fact that there had been no contact with the person he had literally been breathing every second of the day with only a few months back. He had lost count just how many times he had come close to dialling Jeongguk. The majority of that having occurred when he had been drunk out of his mind. He had been close to just calling him up and demanding an answer. Why did he do what he did? Why did he throw away their beautifully constructed relationship? But each time, he doesn’t do it, and Jimin doesn’t exactly know why. Some deep sense of sobriety stops him from making any rash decisions that he may regret later.

 He shook out of his thoughts and quickly locked his phone and pocketed it.

But as soon as he whipped his head up, his eyes found its way to the stacks of blueberry muffin and of course his mind had to take him back. Back when he thought he couldn’t be any happier…

“Park Jimin, will you do me the honour of moving in with me?”

Jeongguk had said, holding up the blueberry muffin and smiling goofily.

Jimin sighed for the nth time, probably too many to keep count so early on in the day, but that’s just who he had become now. He ran his fingers through his now natural black hair. All the excitement he used to feel, his fetish for changing colours with the season, had disappeared. Nothing drove him to do anything crazy anymore. Except his work, where he had poured every ounce of his dedication into. Trying to fix and care for people in need of him, his expertise. Since he himself seemed pretty much irreparable at this point, he tried to help those who needed it as best as he could, drowning himself in his duties and more often than not voluntarily asking for extra shifts, despite Taehyung’s protests that he was overexerting himself. Anything was better than coming back to the hauntingly empty apartment that had memories woven at every single corner. Jimin tried to spend as little time there as possible.

After it all happened, Taehyung had adamantly insisted that Jimin move back with him, begged him even. But Jimin stubbornly refused, probably holding some small flicker of hope that maybe Jeongguk would realise the hurt he had caused to both himself and Jimin and at least come back to talk. Maybe in a few days. But the few days turned into a few weeks and then a few months and no Jeongguk came back. By then, Jimin was too intricately attached to the ghosts of their apartment. The shadows of their precious love lingering in every corner, the phantom of Jeongguk’s lips etched onto his skin. He didn’t want to leave. He couldn’t leave because the apartment was where he had hoped to start a new life with the only man he had ever loved.

Taehyung had then selflessly insisted that Jimin keep Luna permanently, and that he would visit to keep the kitten, now a full grown cat, company.. Jimin agreed to that. Because the kitten was special beyond words, she was precious. She was Jeongguk’s first gift to him, something so thoughtful that Jimin still feels dumbstruck thinking back on that Christmas day. Luna became the only reason that drove Jimin to try and come home earlier and often. Because he had someone waiting for him. Even if it wasn’t who he desperately wanted to be. He often held conversations with the feline, pouring his heart out, as the cat quietly judged him. It was decidedly odd, but it somehow eased Jimin’s blazing anxiety, to talk to someone who was an excellent listener.

“Here you go my dear.” The kind old lady said, holding out the paper bag and beaming at him.

“Thank you.” Jimin said and offered her a smile.

“Of course, have a nice day!” she said cheerfully.

Jimin doubted it, but he could at least pretend to her. So, he smiled some more and walked out. Getting in the car he placed the paper bag carefully on the passenger seat and after putting his seatbelts on, began to drive away once again. The same old song automatically restarting with the ignition of the engines and Jimin resigned to another day of blankly staring ahead at the road, mind filled with thoughts about his work and patients on the surface but a dive deeper and it was all Jeongguk.

Soon enough he was pulling up to the twelve storied building, housing all those in need and a place Jimin had grown to love so much. He put his car in park and took out his overnight bag. He had an almost 24 hour shift today, and even though he had his change of clothes in his designated locker he wanted to bring in a couple of books on his course to study when given the chance. Taking the pastry bag as well, he began walking towards the entrance and once inside was being greeted by the receptionist, Lucy.

“Morning, Jimin! No muffins for me again, I see.” She teased, tucking her faded blue hair behind one ear.

Jimin laughed, he loved Lucy’s, who was much younger to him, ever-present enthusiasm and good humour.

“Sorry Luc. But there’s plenty here to share?” Jimin said, holding the door to let an elderly couple exit, bowing to them.

“Nah. Taehyung would probably come at me for stealing his share.” She said, grinning and returning her attention back to her computer to type away.

“Whatever you say, Luc.” Jimin said, waving at her, as she waved back.

“Park Jimin.”

Jimin sighed, knowing what was to come. He was already tired and it was just half past 8.

“Taehyung, let me breathe.” He said, walking up to his locker and shoving his bag in and pulling out his lab coat and his stethoscope. He had to begin his rounds in a half hour. They were in the common room and although doctors and nurses were usually given separate areas to lounge around and rest between duty, nothing could stop Kim Taehyung from blurring the lines. So, ninety percent of the time he was found chilling in the doctor’s common room, coffee in hand and studying various medical cases in his iPad.

“I will not. Why the fuck did you ghost your date last night?” Taehyung said, already making grabby hands at the bag of goodies that Jimin was bringing over to the coffee table in front of the couch where Taehyung was sitting, dressed in his scrubs. He had been at the hospital for 8 hours already and had another 8 hours of shift to go.

“I was studying. I can’t waste my time on dates.” Jimin replied shortly, sitting down heavily on the couch beside Taehyung, rubbing his temples with his left hand, checking the time on his wrist watch once. 25 minutes till he has to start work. Taehyung took a bite of the chocolate chip muffin and a generous sip of his black coffee. Then he put them on the table and turned towards Jimin.

“Bullshit. You were top of your batch. You’ve partied before your finals and still managed to ace. That’s not the reason and you know it.” Taehyung said, gentler and more serious this time.

Of course Jimin knew the actual reason and no matter how hard he tried to push it, he couldn’t bring himself to. It’s true that he had contemplated in his episodes of intense bitterness to move on, to date again, to maybe even indulge in casual sex, no strings attached. And maybe, just maybe , someday even fall in love? But every time he tried to make himself envision some future, the only face, the only person he saw himself with was of course Jeongguk. It was always Jeongguk. He had cried nights, tossing and turning on the too large bed, desperately wishing Jeongguk would come back. He couldn’t picture himself being intimate with anyone that wasn’t Jeongguk. Falling in love being out of question, considering he was still nursing his deeply broken heart.

But Taehyung, his best friend and the only one who had witnessed first-hand the spiral that Jimin had fallen into, had had enough one evening with Jimin crying himself dry on Taehyung’s lap, drunk and slurring. Cursing Jeongguk once second and in the very next whispering his name like a prayer and asking Taehyung why Jeongguk hadn’t come back to him. Taehyung couldn’t bear to see the mess that Jimin had become and Jimin knew why. He himself couldn’t recognise the person he’d become. He was usually someone with a generally cheerful disposition who liked making people happy which automatically made him happy. It didn’t take much to make Jimin smile, just the small meaningful gestures. Jeongguk himself used to tease Jimin for it, asking if there’s anything in the world that could make Jimin sad.

And now, it’s like he had undergone a complete metamorphosis, some gloomier, sadder, hollower version of an erstwhile happy Jimin. So, Taehyung, taking matters into his able hands, began to set Jimin up on dates. Which, of course, initially got denied and turned down by a vehemently indignant Jimin. Accusing Taehyung of being insensitive, and how could he ever think Jimin could move on? Could go out with someone that wasn’t his Jeongguk? Did he not know Jimin? Did he not know that when Jimin loved, he loved with his whole entire being?

Taehyung had patiently taken all of Jimin’s heated accusations in stride, understanding that his best friend was just a broken man and it would take time, a long time to heal. So he gave him time but never stopped suggesting a good guy to date, someone to just hang out with, to go out and talk, have something else on his mind instead of the same old loop from that fateful November day. Jimin had consistently denied him till he eventually got tired and gave in to Taehyung’s relentless pursuits. Despite everything in him screaming at him to go back home, cuddle Luna and maybe watch some documentary on octopuses, he pushed himself to go out on that first date, a month after Jeongguk left. He himself was very tired of carrying around the gnawing pain every second of every day.

But how wrong was he! Because not even 10 minutes into the date, with a really nice guy actually, a young architect whose name he couldn’t bother to remember, Jimin’s mind took him back to his first date with Jeongguk, how funny Jeongguk had been, how Jeongguk had moved his hands around animatedly. How he had licked barbeque sauce off his lips and how they had sung the lyrics to some trashy pop song all the way home. He had been absentmindedly nodding to something that his date was saying when every corner of his mind was infested by a certain doe eyed, bunny toothed boy.

Needless to say, the guy eventually understood Jimin’s blatant distracted self and the date ended up being nothing. The three others that he went on, were much the same, except out of the three Jimin had excused himself from two, halfway through, on the pretext of getting a call from the hospital. It was easy that way, people believed whatever doctors said. He just couldn’t go through with it. Not without comparing everything the other man did with Jeongguk and sometimes even seeing him in them and that just wasn’t fair to the seemingly decent guys. Maybe he was being highly dramatic, or maybe he was just losing his mind. Either way, Jimin knew he couldn’t move on. At least, not in the near future.

Maybe someday.

Which had led him to today with Taehyung reminding him of the poor guy he probably stood up at some restaurant they’d agreed to meet. Taehyung’s fourth attempt at setting Jimin up. Jimin knew he had acted like a classic asshole who couldn’t even bother letting his date know he couldn’t make it, but he was in a bad place, even if he felt like he should have at least called the guy. Another one of his episodes with anxiety had occurred, where all he could do is drink coffee like a mad man and pace the room with a thousand thoughts in his head and no outlet to get rid of them. Jimin had always dealt with anxiety no matter his happy disposition. He had always been a little insecure regarding himself, whether he was talking too much, or coming on too strong on someone, or if people hated him? Which is why he always went out of his way to make those around him comfortable so that people liked him. so Jeongguk leaving him without a proper explanation had, among other things, spiked his problems with anxiety ten folds. Which now he had a tough time dealing with and the reason why he immersed himself in his work, to keep himself distracted.

“I can’t… I can’t keep doing this, Tae.” Jimin said quietly, avoiding Taehyung’s eyes, who was studying him intently.

Taehyung shifted closer and took Jimin’s hands in his. “Jimin-ah, stop punishing yourself by shutting out everyone and everything, babe. Mark was a perfectly nice guy and if you’d only given him a chance—”

Jimin wrenched his hands from Taehyung and abruptly stood up running his fingers through his hair and messing it up more than it already was, in frustration. “Well, I don’t want to, Tae, I don’t want to! I don’t want to move on. I can’t move on, I fucking can’t! Every time I try to even remotely think about doing that, his face smothers my heart, his memories almost drowning me till I can’t fucking breathe! I just… I don’t know why he did that. He knew I’d give him the world if he had just asked me. But he just… he—” Jimin predictably choked up, but tried his best to keep it down, he couldn’t lose his shit and create a scene when he was working. In a hospital no less!

He sat down beside Taehyung once again, defeated and put his head on Taehyung’s shoulders, while his friend immediately took him in a half embrace. It was no secret that Taehyung was furious with Jeongguk, for hurting his best friend so casually. He had always been protective of Jimin, but seeing the state that his friend had diminished into, Taehyung didn’t know what else to do except to try and help his friend forget about someone who was clearly not coming back.

“I just wanna know what I did, Tae. He kept saying I didn’t deserve him. How could he say that, when he was literally the best thing that happened to me?” Jimin whispered, eyes getting filled up a little but he reigned it in, refusing to shed a tear.

“It’s not your fault, Jiminie, it’s not. Jeongguk had issues and he dealt with it in the worst way possible, projecting them on you. Don’t you beat yourself up, thinking what you did when all you’ve done for him is love him to the best of your ability.” Taehyung consoled, rubbing Jimin’s arm reassuringly.

Jimin finally got up and rubbed his face with his hands to gather himself a bit and then looked at his friend. “Taetae, I know you always want the best for me and I know that you want me to be happy, but…just, could you please not look out to set me up with anyone anymore? At least, not until I’m ready. And… I’m, I’m not ready, Tae. I’m not. I don’t know when I’ll be either. But just give me some time please… I just, I keep having a little bit of hope, that maybe Jeongguk… he-he’ll come back…”

“Of course, Jimin. I’m sorry if I’ve been too pushy. It’s just that, I’ve never seen you like this and it has been hurting me a lot too. I’m sorry.” Taehyung said, his head bent low in regret and Jimin immediately pulled his friend in a hug. No way was he going to let Taehyung think he did anything wrong when he was only looking out for Jimin, like always.

“Hey, hey, Taetae, don’t you say sorry. You were just being the very best friend that one could ask for. I just need some time, that’s all.” Jimin said, with a smile and finally Taehyung smiled a little too. “And, could you tell Mark I’m really sorry?” Jimin added sheepishly.

“Don’t worry, way ahead of you on that. Told him you had diarrhoea and were currently living in your bathroom.” Taehyung said nonchalantly.

Jimin stared in shock at his friend and then hit him hard on his arm.

“What the fuck! Why would you tell such an embarrassing lie?” Jimin glared and Taehyung had already dissolved into helpless giggles.

“There was no way I wasn’t going to have some fun with it.” He grinned and Jimin tried to glare some more but eventually began laughing himself as well.

“Thank you, Tae. You’ve been keeping me sane and for that I’ll be forever grateful.” Jimin said sincerely, when their laughter had died down.

“Alright you drama queen, don’t you go soft on me now.” Taehyung said, pinching Jimin’s cheeks, “What say we begin dyeing our hair again?” he added. Taehyung had stopped dyeing his hair the moment Jimin did too. Saying it was only fun when the both of them did it together. So now his hair was back to a natural dark brunette.

“We’ll see.” Jimin smiled. And then checked his watch again, 5 minutes to 9, “Well, I gotta go now. Make sure to leave me a muffin.” He said, getting up and fixing his clothes and running his fingers through his hair once again.

“Can’t promise that.” Taehyung said, already whipping out his iPad and placing a huge bite on another muffin. Jimin shook his head fondly and exited the common room and made his way towards the patient wards.  

“How are you feeling today, Mrs Fitzgerald?” Jimin said, while running through her progress report on his clipboard, and then proceeding to adjust her IV dosage. The 43-year-old woman had undergone hysterectomy due to first stage uterine cancer which thankfully didn’t spread to other organs and so the surgery could be conducted on time. Jimin hadn’t been the primary surgeon, he had assisted the senior doctor, considering his line of specialisation was oncology, and was now looking after her case as she recovers.

“Just a little sore, Dr Park. I miss my babies.” The woman said wistfully. She was the mother of two riotous sons, who came to visit their mother everyday with their dad and spent a boisterous half hour relating everything that they did that day, while the woman listened with the utmost fondness. It had already been a week of her surgery but she was to be kept for another before she could be discharged.

Checking her vitals once again and deeming everything in perfect order, Jimin smiled kindly at the woman. He knew she had been restless to go back home, missing her husband, her kids and her family. As most people who were admitted for a prolonged period of time here was.

“How are the little monsters?” He asked. He had met the two kids and even though they had been extremely naughty demanding that they be allowed to use Jimin’s stethoscope to hear mama’s heart, the kids were also extremely adorable. The woman’s face lit up at having been asked about her kids and she instantly launched into a speech about how her kids were doing at school and how they were being good for their dad and how she couldn’t wait to go back home. All along Jimin politely listened, checking in the machines and adjusting things here and there. He always indulged his patients into opening up to him instead of playing the cold, detached doctor. He believed it helped make the patients more comfortable and to also not dwell on their illnesses.

“Just a few days more, Mrs Fitzgerald. You’ve been so strong and brave, you’ll be out of here in no time, running around with your sons. Well, not exactly running around, because we want you to be hundred percent fit before that. But maybe a little jogging around? But you didn’t hear that from me.” Jimin said conspiratorially and the woman laughed.

“Feel better.” Jimin said, patting the woman’s arm in reassurance.

“Thank you, Dr Park.” Mrs Fitzgerald replied, smiling brightly. Jimin liked to believe that his presence helped people. And Taehyung would always drive that point home insisting that his presence and his way of dealing with his patients most definitely helped them much better than any other doctors did.

Jimin smiled one more time, picking up his clipboard and slinging the stethoscope once again and then walking out to move on to his next patient. It took him another hour to switch among three other females and four males. He was just about exhausted already, but he knew the day was far from over. Checking on and keeping track of so many illnesses definitely takes a toll but every time he looks over the progress reports of those who were getting better, it instantly re-energised him, validating him in a way that made all the hard work worth it. It wasn’t so easy when the opposite happened, but Jimin knew it comes with the job.

A nurse came bustling up as he was making some notes on the change of medicine and diet for a patient, balancing his clipboard on the desk at the nursing station.

“Oh, Dr Park, Dr Wang would like to see you in his office.” Ruby, a freshly appointed junior nurse informed him.

Jimin finished scribbling down his notes and handed the clipboard to Ruby.

“Okay thank you Ruby, and make sure the matron oversees this and let her know that the necessary changes are to be incorporated from tonight itself.” He said as Ruby nodded. Then he began making his way over to Jackson’s office. Jackson had finished his residency beginning of that year and had been given a separate office seeing as how his specialisation in Surgery had been over too and he had chosen to be associated with this hospital itself.

He knocked on his chamber’s door and entered. Jackson was sitting behind his mahogany desk which always was a cluttered mess of case files and other reports with his computer amidst it all. He was in his scrubs, likely just gotten out of a surgery, and was studying something with a frown on his face.

“Hyung?” Jimin asked, as he entered the room.

Jackson looked up from whatever he was reading and smiled and Jimin could see the tired lines around Jackson’s youthful eyes. Jimin knew how Jackson worked himself to the bone, having newly acquired the status of permanency.  

“Ah, Jiminie. Come in please. Sorry to call you so suddenly, I hope your rounds were over?” Jackson asked, stacking the papers that he was reading and folding his palms together placing them on the desk.

Jimin took a seat. “It’s no problem, Hyung. Yeah, my rounds just got over. Is everything alright?” He asked, noticing  Jackson’s clear distraction at something.

Jackson rubbed his temples with both hands and sighed, “No actually. I just got out of surgery. Was a case of kidney stones, but… I don’t know. It doesn’t look too good. The condition of the ureters that is. And it’s a kid Jimin, 15 years old. It seemed straightforward enough, but I guess further surgery is required. I’m just a little distracted with this right now.” He said.

Jimin knew all too well the toll that certain cases took, especially when the results weren’t promising. As a doctor there was nothing worse than to not see your patient recover under your care and go home healthy and happy. It sucked that it was a kid in this case.

Jimin hummed sympathetically. “Want to discuss the case with me?” he offered.

Jackson sighed some more but instead fished for another file. “No, that’s okay. I’ll maybe hold you to that tomorrow but right now this needs your help.” He said pointing to the file, “Appendectomy, admitted a while ago with intense stomach ache. Had ignored the issue, overlooking the pain as something they ate. You know the usual when it comes to appendicitis.” Jackson said, putting on a wry smile. Jimin knew. People often disregarded appendix pain as an upset tummy and ignored a doctor’s visit for the longest time till the case became severe and which required immediate appendix removal.

“You want me to operate this?” Jimin asked, browsing through the preliminary reports of a 30-year-old man.

“Yes please, he is currently being prepared for it, so you should be good to go in about 15 minutes. You don’t have any immediate cases, do you?” Jackson asked.

“No, that’s okay. I have a two-hour window before assisting Dr Gupta for an arm relocation.” Jimin said, already getting up, file in hand.

“Thank you so much Jimin-ah. I owe you one. You’re always helping me haul my ass.” Jackson chuckled a little.

“Don’t mention it, Hyung. You take care, and I hope you reach a breakthrough for that case.” Jimin said, making his way towards the door.

“I hope so too. Wish you luck on this one. You’re the best man to do it.” Jackson grinned with a thumbs up and Jimin smiled and waved as he exited his chamber and made his way towards his locker to change into his scrubs.

Jackson had more or less been Jimin’s biggest ally among the doctors in the sense that he’d always passed on a fresh case that was within the parameters of Jimin’s residency, knowing Jimin was the man for the job. Always encouraging him whenever Jimin had one of his break downs regarding some case or his endless self-doubt. Each time Jackson would point out that Jimin was here because of his calibre and nothing can take that away from him. Being one of the youngest in the building it would have been easy for Jimin to lose himself among the flock of older more experienced doctors, but Jackson had always been there to remind him of his worth. Jimin was endlessly grateful to Jackson for it.

The surgery went smoothly. A bit of local anaesthesia and a small, clean incision and out came the offending organ. The man was sedated for an hour with some saline IV drips and after listing the pain medications to the nurse and checking the stability of his vitals, Jimin was done for the time being. The man should be fit as ever in a couple of days.

He had another surgery to assist so only after washing his hands and drinking some water, he headed straight for the consultation room outside the second operation theatre where his senior, Dr Gupta, was waiting, scrubbed and files in hand, checking the patient’s reports. She was one of the best in their hospitals. She smiled as Jimin reported.

“Ah, Dr Park, ready to do this?” She said handing the file to Jimin.

“Yes Ma’am.” He said bowing and then taking the file from her. He always stuck to his own country’s tradition instead of shaking hands.

“Good, good. Go through the reports once. A pretty nasty dislocated arm, a rod will have to be inserted.” She said, adjusting her face mask.

“Hm, his blood pressure seems to be a little erratic, The diastolic especially on the higher side.” Jimin observed.

“Will be doing a whole-body anaesthesia here and preferably artificial oxygen supply.” She said and made her way towards the theatre.

“Right.” Jimin said and followed her.

After 2 hours, the surgery was successfully done, nothing surprising because Dr Gupta had never been known for anything other than straight success for her diagnosis and operations.

After 7 hours of work without a break, Jimin was finally dragging his feet towards the common room, heading straight for the small kitchenette to maybe have an apple or something. He was starving. The common room was almost deserted save for one other doctor, who nodded at him as he entered, herself too busy typing down something on her laptop while having a sandwich. Jimin did find an apple, and decided to cut it in half as he didn’t really feel like having the whole thing. He took out the small kitchen knife and wiped it on the cloth and just as he was about to slice the apple through, he accidentally struck the knife on his left thumb. The sharp blade instantly made an indentation as blood gushed out.

“Fuck!” he exclaimed as the sharp pain numbed his entire hand. He latched onto the thumb, trying to suck the blood, while looking around with one hand for the first aid supply. He found the small box, and ran his bleeding thumb under the water in the sink for a few seconds, hissing at the pain. Finally, as the blood seemed to have subsided momentarily, he carefully put a band aid around it. But suddenly he felt this crushing sensation wash through his entire body and he almost balanced himself on the kitchen counter with his uninjured hand, like as if his head spun for no apparent reason. Then began the clawing sense of foreboding. He frowned and looked at the knife that still had specks of his blood and then at his injured thumb, the band aid already soaking the blood and making a red dot appear.

He didn’t understand what exactly it was that he was feeling, but it wasn’t anything good. He lost his appetite and instead walked back to the common room and sat down on one of the sofas, the other doctor had left by then. He felt restless and oddly scared. Like something bad was happening or was about to happen. But he knew it was ridiculous of him to feel like that. All his patients were doing relatively good and both surgeries had gone off without a hitch. Then why…?

He stared at his finger again, the bloodied spot a little wider now.

“Jeongguk…” he whispered absentmindedly. He didn’t know why, but suddenly he had this urge to find out if Jeongguk was okay. He was contemplating on whether he should just pick up his phone and call the guy. Who cares that they haven’t been in contact for nearly 4 months?

But right then the common room door burst open and a dishevelled looking Taehyung rushed in. One look at his friend’s face and all the discomfort that Jimin had been feeling a while back came crashing down. He knew something was very wrong. Very, very wrong. He sprang up from his seat at once, already walking towards Taehyung.

“Taehyung, what’s wrong?” Jimin asked in an unsteady voice.

“An a-accident, Jimin. J-just came in, you better come with me.” Taehyung said, in a rushed whisper.

“Who is it, Tae?” Jimin asked, his hands shaking a bit.

Taehyung was avoiding Jimin’s eyes.

“Just, come with me, Jimin. Now.”

The cold dread engulfed Jimin’s entire body. The red alarm of fear going off in his head as he speed-walked towards the Emergency and prayed like a maniac to let it not be who his heart was telling it is. The Emergency was in chaos as it usually was when an accident case came in. Everybody on full alert and moving in the speed of light to provide the imminent care. There was already a gurney being rolled in and nurses were hovering around it and blocking Jimin’s view. But he could make out a limp hand that had fallen out of the gurney and which was the only thing he could see. The hand had specks of blood and Jimin could recognise those fingers anywhere. His knees almost gave out beneath him as his ears began ringing with static. His throat felt dry and his heartbeat accelerated dangerously.

“Hey, move, move!” Taehyung barked out to the other nurses and Jimin could finally see who it was, even though he already knew.

There lying motionless, with his beautiful face bloodied around the forehead along with his waist too, was the love of his life. Jimin put both his palms over his mouth to stop himself from screaming out loud. He had probably never felt horror like he was feeling right then, ever before in his life. He stood rooted to the spot, as the nurses looked at him for further guidance seeing as he was the only doctor there.

“Jimin? Jimin, keep it together. He needs you, Jimin.” Taehyung said with a steely calm voice, every bit the professional, now that a patient needed immediate help. And something in Jimin snapped. He was a doctor first and foremost and he needed to do his fucking job. Now more than ever when literally his own life was on the line.

“Get the non-breather, start the IV, stat!” he ordered as the nurses scattered to do as he asked, hauling in the oxygen cylinder and preparing the dosage for the IV. Jimin looked closer and inspected Jeongguk’s wounds. Besides the predictable gashes and cuts, it was certain that he had a concussion. The head was still bleeding, the white of the gurney’s sheet below soaked with scarlet. His left arm seemed to have been broken too and he had also suffered a hit on his lower rib cage. Jimin’s vision blurred with tears. In his medical career so far, this was probably the hardest that he found to do his job properly. Taehyung placed a comforting hand on his arm as he himself injected the IV and placed the oxygen mask.

Jimin swallowed thickly. “Medium to severe concussion, needing MRI and possible surgery. Probable f-fracture in the ninth rib, around the transpyloric plane. Broken ulna in the left arm. Abrasion and bruises.” Jimin listed mechanically eyes scanning his lover’s body, assessing the injuries he sustained. Once Jeongguk’s condition was inputted he was being wheeled away by Taehyung and the two other nurses, but before he could be taken away, Jimin latched onto Jeongguk’s right hand, staring and staring at his closed eyes, mouth parted a little as if he had been saying something at the very last minute before he was consciousness.

Jimin never could have imagined that after crying every night to sleep for just another glimpse of Jeongguk’s face, this was how he was going to be seeing him again. Bloody and broken. When did Jeongguk even return to New York? Where was he going? Who was it that dared to cause such harm to his beloved? A hundred questions were causing chaos in Jimin’s head and he had never felt more afraid in his entire life. For the very first time he began fearing that his expertise won’t be enough. That he won’t be enough.

As they rushed towards the Operation theatre, to get all his tests done and get started on the brain surgery, Jimin whispered over and over again, in complete disregard to his surroundings.

“You’re going to be okay, baby, you’re going to be just fine. I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise, Jeonggukie, I promise.” Jimin kissed Jeongguk’s bloodied knuckles delicately, uncaring of everything else as he couldn’t hold back any longer and the tears came streaming down. Wishing with every heartbeat that the damage wasn’t irrevocable. Wishing that he could give up every breath that he was taking and give it over to Jeongguk. Wishing that his love was enough to save Jeongguk from the precipice of never coming back.

“I love you.” Jimin whispered one last time and placed a loving kiss on Jeongguk’s forehead, just a feather light brush of his lips.

Once they reached the emergency OT, there already was a doctor there on duty for the day and she sprang up as soon as they all hauled Jeongguk in. Taehyung briefed her on the injuries while Jimin stayed glued to Jeongguk’s side, carefully assessing any sign of movement or subtle discomfort. The next hour was a rush as the tests were done and it was concluded that surgery was required, and although the danger of imminence had somewhat passed, it was best to operate as soon as possible, as there may be a chance of the internal bleeding to escalate.

As Jane, the one on emergency duty was just about to get prepared for the surgery Jimin stopped her with a light arm on her elbow. Jane and Jimin were good friends and so were on a first name basis, bypassing the professional formalities.

Jane looked at her arm where Jimin had held her and then towards Jimin’s face.

“Jimin? Everything alright?”

“I’d like to operate this, Jane.” Jimin said in a tight voice.

Jane stared at him for a few moments. She knew Jimin was perfectly capable at the job, but by far he had never gone out of his way to do something especially when she was the one on duty. Jimin wasn’t one of those misogynistic men who believed a woman couldn’t perform surgeries well enough.

“It’s… it’s personal to me.” Jimin said, eyes looking beseechingly at the other doctor, begging her to understand. He knew what he was doing was highly unprofessional. Jeongguk was someone he was closely attached with and in that sense he was not supposed to be operating his case because he may not be in his right state of mind to use his medical knowledge to the fullest and may even compromise Jeongguk’s condition. He knew that he may face consequences when his superiors found out. But Jimin couldn’t bring himself to care right then. He couldn’t leave Jeongguk in someone else’s hand. He wanted to be the one to see this through. He needed to be the one to do it.

Finally, Jane relaxed and offered Jimin a kind and encouraging smile.

“All the best Jimin. You are the one for the job.”

Jimin nodded and went to change into his scrubs again. He had asked Taehyung if he could assist him and his best friend agreed instantly. Once they were both dressed and ready to go and were standing just outside the doors to the main operating room, beyond which Jeongguk was being readied for the procedure, Taehyung squeezed Jimin’s shoulders.

“You can do this, Jimin. He is safe in your hands, remember that. It’s just textbook. You know what to do and you have to succeed. Now more than ever. And I'm there with you every step of the way.” Taehyung spoke in clear, sharp but gentle tones.

Jimin nodded fervently, blinking back the offending tears gathering at his eyelids. This was his real test. The real exam to scrutinise his prowess as a lifesaver. He knew if he failed this, he’d fail at life. And he didn’t know how he’d survive if he didn’t emerge unscathed on the other end of it with Jeongguk healthy and alive once again. This was it. And he’ll be damned if he didn’t pour his heart into saving the man he loved more than anything else in the world.

“Let’s do this.”

The doors shut behind them as they both entered the room and the lights above the door switched to red. 

Chapter Text

Jimin had always been one to do things by the book when it came to his medical studies. He may be  rebellious in his selection of a shade of hair depending on his mood and seasons, or gotten drunk the first thing after graduating high school but not when it came to his career. He had always been determined to take his work seriously, listen to his superiors and follow everything that is expected of him without falling off the tracks. He had believed that would be the case always, and that he would personally ensure that.

But as he stood with all the equipment in hand working meticulously on bringing back the man he loved from an uncertain future, everything that he had stood for fell apart. It was against medical ethics  to perform any type of intricate surgeries on a patient who the doctor was directly related to. Because the emotional aspect would often compromise the doctor’s work. But as Jimin worked on Jeongguk, with the assistance of his best friend and two other nurses, he had never felt surer. His hands did not shake, neither did he feel his expertise lessening in any way. Jimin always gave his all to every single patient, but since it was his Jeongguk, the things at stake were far more and far higher. So, he knew he absolutely needed to succeed.

Jeongguk had lost a substantial amount of blood, so he had to be given an entire bottle. The arm thankfully could be relocated without any type of object insertion and the rib bone would also heal. But what Jimin was worried about was the condition of his brain. Although the internal bleeding and the swelling in the brain could be brought under control, full recovery guarantee couldn’t be given before 72 hours had passed, during which Jeongguk would have to be kept in intensive care. As Jimin washed his hands clean after the surgery and Jeongguk was wheeled away, that’s what plagued Jimin’s mind. He also had to physically stop himself from placing kisses on Jeongguk’s now scrubbed clean but haggard and bruised face. And despite that, he still was the most beautiful man Jimin’s ever seen.

Jeongguk was out of imminent danger, but his final verdict would emerge after 3 days. Perhaps the longest 3 days of Jimin’s life and he didn’t know what he’d do with himself, without the surety that Jeongguk was going to be okay. But as a doctor, that’s the most that he could do. He had to trust Jeongguk’s youthful body to do the rest of the healing and Jimin knew that he would be praying with every fibre of his body.  

“You did your best Jiminie. He is going to be just fine, I’m telling you. He’s out of imminent danger now.” Taehyung rubbed Jimin’s back, already washed clean and devoid of his surgical gear. They were now in the post operating room, where doctors stay awhile after an OT to discuss, change and relax for a bit.

“He needs to, Tae, he needs to. After all this time, all this pain, heartbreak and distance, he needs to wake up. He needs to answer me. He needs to love me back...” Jimin’s voice broke at the end and he quickly turned around from Taehyung, placing his hands on the counter of the sink, and composing himself. He was honestly such a mess.

“Minnie, hold yourself together. We have had cases like these, countless times before. You know the drill, Jeongguk is under observation. You gotta have faith.” Taehyung reassured. Jimin nodded. He really needed to have faith. He was no stranger to uncertainty given the fact that he has to deal with it on a daily basis with so many patients. But he did a good job and now all he had to do was wait. He wiped his hands and with Taehyung, made his way back to one of the couches. Sitting down heavily with his head thumping back on the headrest. He felt utterly drained and exhausted. The trauma of seeing Jeongguk in that condition, the crippling fear he’d felt and then the surgery that lasted over 2 hours. It had left him clutching onto the very last thread of his sanity, having already been worked to the bone after the hectic day that he’d had before things spiralled out of control.

The sounds of rapid footsteps alerted them from their laxed out positions and before either of them could fully react what was happening the Dean barged into the room. And he most certainly did not look pleased. Both Taehyung and Jimin jumped to their feet.

“Dr Park, what were you thinking performing surgery on a patient who was apparently directly related to you? Did you forget your responsibilities? Do you know how unprofessional you were today?” The suit clad man stood tall and fired questions without any preamble as Jimin kept his head bowed. He knew this was coming.

“I am sorry, sir.” Jimin replied quietly.

“Sorry won’t cut it, Jimin. This wasn’t expected from you. You were compromising the health of a patient. The very virtue that is to be uplifted by a doctor, that which we have taken an oath for!” the Dean animatedly gestured with his hands.

“I understand, sir. You can take any necessary line of action. I am ready to face the consequences. But… I, well- I needed to see this through, Sir.” Jimin said, now looking at the Dean.

“That’s not how it works, Dr Park.” The Dean snapped. “I came to know about this when I asked Dr Han about her shift and she informed me that you had taken over the case. You cannot just arbitrarily take decisions like that. You are not authorised to. Do you know I can charge you with suspension? You’re still a resident. Do not forget that.”

Jimin took the Dean’s harsh criticism in stride. He was ready to face this, but as long as Jeongguk recovers and resorts back to being healthy again, he doesn’t mind having to deal with whatever repercussions he may be handed with and neither does he regret operating his boyfriend.

“I understand, Sir.” He said once again, knowing any decision the Dean took would be final and he’d have to accept that.

“If I may intervene, Sir,” Taehyung began and Jimin’s head whipped up and he shot Taehyung a glare. His friend shouldn’t be entangled in this. It was Jimin’s decision, Jimin’s fault. But of course, Taehyung being Taehyung, he carried on.

“Yes, Nurse Kim.” The Dean shot an unamused look at Taehyung.

“I personally assisted, Dr Park, Sir. And I can vouch for it first hand that Dr Park performed the surgery flawlessly. Despite his familiarity with the patient beforehand, he did not let his emotions overrule the task at hand. And Mr Jeon, the patient, he is out of imminent danger now and is currently being monitored at the ICU. It may have been a slight lapse of judgement on Dr Park’s part, but the end result was perfectly satisfactory, Sir.”

Only Kim Taehyung would have the balls to stand up and refute the head of the hospital’s admonition without breaking a sweat. And as much as Jimin wanted to cry with gratefulness at having such a rock-solid support system in Taehyung he also couldn’t help but feel a little irritated. He didn’t want Taehyung to get into any trouble because of his misjudgement.

The Dean looked in disbelief at Taehyung. Jimin knew his friend had a bit of a reputation to be a little rebellious even at their workspace. Like disregarding the strict rules of first filling up the paperwork and payments and then initiating treatment or admission. Taehyung would go ahead, give two fucks and admit the patient and then bother with the money and the paperwork later, insisting that treatment was the primary concern for those who required it. Everything else was secondary. The Dean was no stranger to Nurse Kim’s headlong ways.

“Sir, I’d like to reiterate whatever Nurse Kim said. Had it been any other doctor, I would have probably not allowed my shift to them. But I knew Dr Park’s capabilities and that whatever the circumstances entailed, the patient was in able hands.”

All three of them turned their heads towards the entry and saw Jane standing there. Jimin was feeling way too emotional and was sure that he might just break down and sob. He couldn’t believe his friends were adamantly standing up for him.

The Dean rubbed his temples with his right hand, the left tucked in his pocket. Jimin knew that he couldn’t very well suspend three hospital staff at one go. Especially when the offending one was being vouched for by the other two. He took off his glasses and looked defeatedly at the three juniors and sighed.

“Consider this as your last warning, Dr Park. Any more such rash decisions and your colleagues’ support isn’t going to help you.” He said sternly.

Jimin nodded vigorously. As did Taehyung. Jimin would make sure his stupid silly Jeonggukie wouldn’t go around getting hit on roads again. As long as Jeongguk was safe, Jimin can keep his sanity and rebellious ways intact.

“You’re lucky because I know what a talented doctor you are, Jimin. I don’t want to have to suspend you. So please, be careful next time.” the man said, gentler this time.

“I know. Thank you very much, Sir. I won’t disappoint you again.”

The Dean nodded briefly and briskly walked out. While Jimin staggered towards the couch once again and positively collapsed. It had been one heck of a long day.

Jimin practically lived at the hospital for the next three days, absolutely refusing to leave or even go eat. But Taehyung, forever the calmer one during a crisis, compelled Jimin to at least freshen for a change of clothes, and took Jimin out to a restaurant a block away from the hospital to eat a proper meal than the half assed stuff at the hospital cafeteria. All Jimin had been doing when he didn’t have his rounds or any surgeries, was manically check on Jeongguk, making sure his condition didn’t worsen or deteriorate in any way. He would stand and stare at Jeongguk’s face, who still hadn’t regained consciousness, which was nothing unnatural after a brain surgery.

Jeongguk’s face was pale, haggard and marred with bruises. His beautiful doe eyes were shut tight and it pained Jimin so much that despite his lover being so close to him, he still hadn’t had the privilege to hear that deep voice of his, watch his eyes shine or his mouth tilt up in that adorable smile. Each time he would stand and stare. and when he had to leave, even though he hated that he had to be away from Jeongguk, he would discreetly take the opportunity of placing a sweet kiss on Jeongguk’s forehead.

“I love you, Jeongguk. I still love you so much. I can’t wait to hear your voice, baby. Come back to me.” He would murmur and throw fleeting last glances at his sleeping form, and literally tear himself away from the room, adjusting his stethoscope and resuming work.

It was on the evening of the third day. Jimin was damn near losing his mind when Jeongguk had still not gained consciousness, uncaring that he was at work and was very close to breaking down in hysterics when Ruby came bustling into the common room.

“Dr Park! Oh, Dr park!” Ruby frantically called out and Jimin almost tripped on his feet to get to her. Ruby was looking after Jeongguk’s room.

“Ruby! Ruby what is it? Is Jeongguk okay?” Jimin exclaimed.

“Yes, I mean I d-don’t exactly understand, he-he just suddenly began mumbling something and at first I couldn’t get it. I was just checking his vitals but then he got more insistent, and… and then I heard that he was calling for you, Dr Park. Y-you’re first name is Jimin right? He was calling out for a Jimin. And I thought—” but before Ruby could finish, Jimin was already bolting out of the room, practically running to get to Jeongguk.

Jeongguk was finally awake. Jeongguk was going to be okay. Jeongguk had called out to Jimin, he had needed to see Jimin first thing after waking up. That surely must mean something right? Jimin didn’t know whether to smile or cry. He was relieved beyond words that Jeongguk was out of danger now, and that with time and care he would be fully okay. Did he still want Jimin though? Did Jeongguk still love him, like Jimin did? As Jimin hurried the last few metres towards Jeongguk’s room, he knew the answers could wait.

He just needed to see Jeongguk with his own eyes, alive and breathing. And maybe looking at Jimin with those eyes full of love.

He finally reached the door and turned the doorknob and barged in.

“Jeongguk!”

Chapter Text

Jeongguk had been experiencing a surreal feeling since the last few hours, like being immersed in a mist of haze and pain. Everything hurt, every tiny movement that he finally was able to do, made his body scream in protest. He couldn’t open his eyes yet but there was a persistent pain at the back of his head. which even though seemed dull, would sharpen as soon as he’d attempt to move it. His left arm seemed to be immovable and his entire chest and abdominals hurt. He couldn’t fight the groan that left his lips. He desperately tried to wake up, but it seemed like he wasn’t quite there yet. This went on for quite some time, him drifting in and out of blurry consciousness. Until finally, a sense of clarity returned, even though still just as much painful, it slowly kept creeping in.

He began registering various sounds. Voices, unknown. Machines whirring. Footsteps. And a multitude more. He began squirming a bit, the discomfort returning in waves as he finally began emerging from the influence of all the drugs in his system. He blinked his eyes open, after what positively felt like ages. Memories of the crash coming back in flashes of black and red and he flinched. He wondered if the driver was okay, who came to their rescue? He rapidly blinked to clear his head. It was difficult because of the throbbing in his skull. He saw the mellow white light on the plain white ceiling looking down at him. He painfully turned his eyes right to find a couch and a small table behind which there was a window with the blinds drawn. Sterile, bland, medical. He made his vision adjust better and then made the effort to look right and saw someone standing with their back to him, rummaging with the things on the work table. A lady. A nurse. A hospital…. Jimin…?

“Ji…min…” Jeongguk croaked in a hoarse whisper, unable to recognise his own voice. His throat was dry like sandpaper and it felt like he hadn’t had water in ages.

The nurse remained unperturbed and Jeongguk’s restlessness grew. Why wasn’t Jimin here with him? Was this not where Jimin worked? Did they not bring him to Jimin’s hospital after the accident? Where was Jimin?

“J-Jimin…?” he tried again, his voice still refusing to cooperate. He moved his arms a bit and instantly the pain hit him like a ton of bricks and he cried out. That got the nurse’s attention as the woman turned around in surprise.

“Mr Jeon! You’re awake. How are you fee—”

“Jimin! Where’s Jimin? Where is he?” Jeongguk knew he was being frantic but he didn’t understand why he was feeling like he needed to see Jimin, needed to see Jimin right now . Like he couldn’t trust anyone that wasn’t his Jimin.

“Mr Jeon, you need to calm down, please.” The nurse tried to placate him, looking at his escalated heartbeat on the vitals monitor in alarm. The beeping steadily rising with Jeongguk’s agitation.

“Please, please tell me Jimin w-works here. I n-need to see Jimin, please!” Jeongguk tried to get up, tried to move.

The nurse nearly shrieked when she saw Jeongguk trying to move. “Mr Jeon! You’re absolutely not to move! You’ve had surgery, please I need you to calm down .”

Jeongguk unwillingly plopped back down because with the sudden movements his head had begun feeling lightheaded, aided with the pain in his entire body.

“There, lie down and relax, please. I’ll get Dr Park.” The nurse said gently now, checking his vitals once again and relaxing when the frantic beeping of the heart monitor somewhat slowed down.

“Yes, p-please do.” He murmured. The nurse left the room and Jeongguk waited with bated breath, he was finally going to see Jimin. After all these months, after leaving behind his half-hearted life back at L.A., the reason why he was coming back in the first place, all culminating to this moment. He couldn’t believe his luck of getting to see Jimin in this pathetic condition. But also, the fact that it was the hospital that Jimin worked was where he was brought, the coincidence of it was mind blowing. Will Jimin be happy to see him again? The wait to finally see Jimin was agonising until he heard footsteps, more like running footsteps. Jeongguk's eyes were glued to the door, along with his heart, he could hear the heartbeat monitor’s beeping escalating, but he didn’t care. The door finally burst open-

“Jeongguk!”

Jeongguk collapsed back on the pillow and released a long-held breath. Taking in the vision of the person that he had longed for every single day. Jimin was breathing hard, his eyes wide taking in Jeongguk’s form on the bed, one hand still holding the doorknob and in his lab coat with the stethoscope around his neck along with his usual jeans and a plaid shirt. He was so beautiful Jeongguk could cry. Having deprived himself of the sight of Jimin for so long, he could barely even blink. Drinking it all in.

Jimin seemed to snap out of it as his eyes darted towards the heart rate and the vitals monitor and he rushed in. Checking the screen, and then looking at Jeongguk, every bit professional because the monitor was still beeping erratically.

“Jeongguk, calm down. Breathe.” Jimin ordered, eyes still fixed at the monitor, frowning.  But Jeongguk was staring at Jimin. He had never seen Jimin in his elements before. And he never did think he’d get to see it being used on himself.

“L-look at me, Jimin…” Jeongguk whispered scratchily.

Jimin instantly turned his face towards Jeongguk.

“Keep looking at me, please…” Jeongguk said, shifting his right hand extending it towards Jimin, pleading him to take it. Jimin looked down at his hand and a myriad of expressions crossed his face. He knelt down beside Jeongguk’s bed and grasped his hand and the moment he did, Jeongguk couldn’t keep back the single tear that rolled down his eye. The touch of Jimin’s skin on his, sparked every sleeping cell in his body. The touch that he had been craving for all this time.

“Breathe, baby.” Jimin said quietly, wiping the tear away and brushing Jeongguk’s hair back in an affectionate manner.

“Don’t take your eyes away from me, please. I’ll be okay in a while.” Jeongguk said beseechingly as both of them heard the heart rate monitor’s crazy beeping beginning to calm down. Jeongguk finally observed Jimin’s face from up close. He observed the dark circles around his beautiful eyes, the haggard lines around his mouth like he hadn’t been smiling enough. The slightly sunken cheeks, which had always been plump and rosy. And finally, the stark black of his hair. Devoid of colour.

What has he done?   Jeongguk thought in sadness.

“Jimin… I—”

“Not now, Jeongguk. Everything can wait. You need to get better now. You’ll be shifted to the private ward shortly. So, I need you to relax for me, okay? Can you do that?” Jimin was still talking in that same gentle and quiet voice, and it was so soothing, so comforting like a warm blanket after a frigid day that Jeongguk found himself nodding.

“Are you going to be there with me? Please, don’t… don’t leave me…” Jeongguk said the last part averting Jimin’s eyes. He knew he had absolutely no right to be asking Jimin that. The same thing that Jimin had asked once, and Jeongguk hadn’t listened. But he just needed Jimin.

Jimin smiled then, and the cold, dark mess that was Jeongguk’s heart, got allowed the tiniest bit of sunlight.

“I’ll be there with you. But after you get moved, I’ll be sedating you again. The more your body relaxes, the more quickly you’ll heal.”

“Okay. Just… be with me.” He whispered.

Jimin just smiled some more, gentle eyes gazing at Jeongguk which did nothing to quench the embers that had once again awoken inside Jeongguk’s bruised body. The fact that he had Jimin so close after all this time, with Jimin smiling at him without hate or judgement and despite all that, Jeongguk still couldn’t pour his heart out right then and there, was unfair. But this was perhaps just how things were supposed to be , Jeongguk guessed. He wanted to be one hundred percent in control of his mental faculties and not in some drug induced, traumatic haze, when he finally lets Jimin know all the agony that he’d undergone these past few months without him. So he nodded weakly, badly wishing he could just hug Jimin once. Feel him against his arms again but given the condition of his chest and ribs he doubted that was even possible. Never mind the fact that Jimin might not even want that, and that maybe he was just being polite because it was his job to be so as a doctor and Jeongguk being his patient.

The new few minutes passed by quickly with two nurses bustling in, one of them who Jeongguk recognised as the one who was there when he regained consciousness. She was a young girl and she smiled brightly when she saw Jeongguk was now fully awake. He heard Jimin instructing them to detach Jeongguk from the vitals monitor so he can be wheeled to the private ward and out of the ICU, and then coming near Jeongguk once again and checking for his pulse and a few other pressure points. All along Jeongguk couldn’t help but stare at Jimin like it was the first time he was seeing him. It pained him to see how quiet Jimin had become, how stoic and sombre with none of that youthful spark, a smart quip or two or that general vibrance that radiated from Jimin’s being at all times. Jeongguk’s mind was a chanting mess of “I’m so sorry Jimin” playing over and over again. He just wished he’d get better quickly so he could verbally convey all that.

Once Jeongguk was finally shifted to the other room and then hooked up to all the machines again, the nurses left and it was only him and Jimin, who had faithfully not left Jeongguk. The atmosphere was rife with tension and unsaid words but the circumstances were such that neither of them could do anything about it. Jimin stood at a distance from Jeongguk’s bed studying his face intently, a small frown marring his forehead while Jeongguk helplessly lay on the bed, wishing he could just run to Jimin already.

“Jimin—”

“I should probably—”

Both of them spoke at the same time and Jimin’s eyes widened as he gestured to Jeongguk to continue first. Jeongguk swallowed a bit, realising that his throat was doing much better than the desert that it was a while ago.

“Jimin, I… am I going to be okay?” He asked tentatively. He had been so caught up in thoughts about Jimin that he hadn’t paid much attention to what injuries he had sustained, suddenly feeling afraid that maybe his accident had crippled him in some way and maybe Jimin wouldn’t want him anymore. He knew the latter part was a ridiculous thought, but he was currently weak and in pain and as such his brain wasn’t functioning all that properly.

Jeongguk watched as Jimin released a breath he probably had been holding and finally walked closer to Jeongguk, his face a picture of soft affection and it warmed Jeongguk’s heart some more. He dragged the single chair closer to the bed and sat down, lifting his hand in what seemed as if he was about to hold Jeongguk’s hand but held back at the last instant and dropped them on his lap. The action broke Jeongguk’s heart a little but he probably deserved it.

“You’re going to be just fine. The ribs and the arm will heal in a few weeks and there is no further danger to the brain. Miraculously your legs weren’t broken besides the predictable bruises and cuts. But you do need to stay at the hospital for at least 3 weeks. To fully heal so that we can discharge you.” Jimin said looking into Jeongguk’s eyes with a million unnamed emotions. Jeongguk watched as Jimin averted his gaze and then seemed to decide something and brought his hand up to card through Jeongguk’s hair. And Jeongguk finally exhaled in bliss once again, closing his eyes as a small smile graced his lips. Jimin’s touch was as familiar as ever, and Jeongguk could even feel the love emanating from Jimin’s gentle fingers.

“I operated you myself.” Jeongguk heard Jimin whisper. He opened his eyes to see Jimin still not looking at him, and eyes still trained on his lap.

“You… you did?” Jeongguk asked.

Jimin nodded and then looked up and Jeongguk could see the wall of tears building in Jimin’s beautiful eyes. “I was scared out of my mind, Jeongguk. I-I couldn’t let anybody else handle your case. I… I n-needed it to be myself. To make sure you were gonna be alright. To take… responsibility.”

Jeongguk was speechless. Jimin saved his life? Even after all that Jeongguk did, his loving, selfless Jimin voluntarily chose to take Jeongguk’s case and quite literally delivered him from whatever dangers were awaiting Jeongguk.

“Guess it was providence that I was brought to your hospital, huh?” Jeongguk said with a feeble chuckle,  throat closing up a bit and Jimin smiled softly, that accentuated his beauty by ten folds. Jeongguk held up his left palm once again in a plea. Jimin stared down at it and removed his hands from Jeongguk’s hair to entwine their fingers together. He looked at Jeongguk and said in a quiet voice, “If not me then who else, Jeongguk? I’ll always be here to save you.”

“Even after all that I did?” the words slipped out before Jeongguk could stop them. The elephant in the room finally addressed. The skeletons of November being brought out from under the rug and out of the closet. Jeongguk panicked slightly because this wasn’t how he wanted to address the issue. He had meant to be fully recovered first, maybe take Jimin out on a coffee or something and then talk about it. But his brain had suffered injuries and probably had begun taking arbitrary decisions on Jeongguk’s behalf. He watched as Jimin’s eyes widened and his lips parted, he clearly wasn’t expecting that.

“Jeongguk I—” he began but before he could answer, the door opened and another nurse came bustling in.

“Dr Park, the Dean would like to see you now.” She said.

No, no, no . Jimin can’t go now. Jeongguk needed to hear what he was about to say. He looked desperately at Jimin who himself looked torn. But Jeongguk knew Jimin couldn’t very well not go. He reluctantly got up and Jeongguk grabbed his wrist without really meaning to. Jimin startled at the sudden movement and looked at Jeongguk, wide eyed. Then he turned towards the nurse who was discreetly looking elsewhere, trying to give them privacy.

“Um, thank you, I’ll just… be out in a minute.” Jimin said. The nurse immediately nodded and left the room. Jimin then turned towards Jeongguk once again and placed his own palms over Jeongguk’s where he was still holding onto his wrist.

“I’ll come back, I promise. And… you shouldn’t think too much or exert yourself right now, okay?” he said gently, his other hand soothingly brushing over Jeongguk’s forehead.

“I just… I need to talk to you, Jimin. Please. Promise, you’ll come back?” Jeongguk couldn’t keep the desperation out of his voice. In his vulnerable state, the idea of not having Jimin close at all times didn’t seem ideal.

“I promise. I’ll have to sedate you now. But when you open your eyes, I’ll be here. Just… don’t worry about anything now. Okay? You have to get better first. Can you do that for me?” Jimin asked with a smile that held traces of the exuberance that it once had, when they were happy and madly in love.

Well, Jeongguk still was. Still was madly in love with Jimin.

“Okay. I can do that.” He nodded, finally letting go of Jimin’s wrist.

“Good Jeonggukie.” Jimin said as he began preparing the injection and the sound of the nickname that he had been deprived of coming in Jimin’s dulcet voice was like honey to Jeongguk’s ears. A tiny piece of a sweet, sweet treat that already left Jeongguk hungry for more. He felt his cheeks warm in a feeling that he hadn’t felt in a long, long time and he nuzzled deeper into the pillow a happy smile etched on his face.

Jimin turned around to inject the sharp needle with care and Jeongguk didn’t even mind the sting, fondly staring at Jimin who himself threw fleeting glances towards him. After a few minutes, Jeongguk felt his body lighten and his mind got hazy. A calm relaxation engulfing his entire being and he felt himself embracing it. A little sleep wouldn’t be too bad. He was already on the precipice of a deep slumber and so he wasn’t sure whether it really happened or whether he imagined it all.

But he chose to believe that the soft lips grazing his forehead and the quiet murmur of “I love you…” , had been real and not a fragment of a wishful, drug induced dream.

When Jeongguk opened his eyes, he had expected to see a mop of black hair and a flash of a spotless white lab coat. But instead he saw a woman sitting on the chair that Jimin had previously sat. A magazine of sort in her hands, but she wasn’t flipping the pages or anything. Just absentmindedly staring with a frown on her face.

Jeongguk knew the woman. He loved the woman. And he hadn’t seen her in ages.

The sight of his mother after all the mental and physical hurt that he had undergone almost made him whimper subconsciously. And the woman’s eyes sharply looked up from the magazine and to his face.

“Eo-eomma…” Jeongguk croaked, realising his throat had gone dry once again. He understood that it was a side effect of the sedatives.

“Oh my poor baby…!” his mother could barely manage that much and then she was breaking down. Trying her best to muffle her cries with her patterned hanky. Jeongguk took the time to observe the woman, seeing her after so long. She was clad in a cream knitted sweater and loose pants, something that she loved wearing. And her shoulder length black hair, tinged with grey, was haphazardly pulled back by a scrunchie. She was still the prettiest, despite the deep lines that now ran around her eyes and mouth. And the redness of her eyes that Jeongguk knew was his doing. All his impulsive actions had hurt a lot of people. And all those people had been the ones he dearly loved.

“Don’t cry, Eomma… don’t cry. I’m okay. I’m—I’m alright. See?” Jeongguk spoke gently, trying to smile for her so she wouldn’t worry too much.

His mother sniffled sadly, looking up once again after dabbing her eyes and nose with her hanky. Jeongguk could see in the haunted look in her eyes, just how worried she had been. His mother had always been very protective of him, and Jeongguk had never really been in anything as drastic as this accident before.

“I can see how okay you are. What were you thinking, Jeon Jeongguk?! First your impulsive disappearance to Los Angeles without a proper explanation and now this? What’s going on Guk-ah? You barely even call me anymore, have been extremely evasive while you were at L.A. And all the while I’ve been worried sick, that something’s been bothering you. And when I got the call from Joon, oh my god. Had it not been for your Appa steadying me, I was so close to passing out!” His mother dabbed at her nose again.

Jeongguk, despite his mother’s admonitions which was very well deserved, just watched her fondly. Truth be told, he had even missed this--her dramatic outbursts, reprimanding Jeongguk. And although he felt terrible about having to put his parents through this, he wanted to bask in this attention like he was a kid all over again.

He smiled gently and took his mother’s hand on his own, trying his best to placate the woman, making sure to not dislodge the IVs. “Joon Hyung told you?” he asked. His mother had scooted closer and was now grasping Jeongguk’s hand in both her own instead. “Yes, of course he did. The doctor at the hospital informed him, the one who looked after you. Which reminds me, let me know when he comes to check on you, because I have to thank him thoroughly for saving my baby’s life.” His mother said, running one of her hands soothingly through Jeongguk’s hair. The touch so familiar and loving that Jeongguk almost melted.

Jimin . Jimin must have informed Namjoon and the others too.

“Eomma, I’m sorry for putting you and Appa through this. I—I was returning back to New York. For good.” he said, averting his mother's eyes and looking at the ceiling.

“It’s okay baby, you don’t need to explain yourself now. You focus on getting better, okay? Everything else can wait.” She said, patting Jeongguk’s cheek.

“Everyone just keeps saying that.” Jeongguk mumbled, thinking how Jimin had said exactly the same thing.

“Hm? What’s that?” His mother asked.

“Nothing. Um… where’s Appa? Has he come?”

“Appa’s here, Gukie. I sent him down to have something from the cafeteria. He had been refusing to eat anything at all till you woke up and spoke to him.” his mother said, shaking her head and smiling a little and Jeongguk felt horrible for the troubles that he’d caused.

“I’m so sorry, Eomma.” Jeongguk said regretfully, holding his mother’s hand.

“Shush, it’s not your fault. It was just a bad day. What matters is that you’re okay now. My prayers have been answered. Do you feel any pain anywhere, baby?” she asked, still patting his arm repeatedly in a gentle manner.

“No, just a little—” but Jeongguk got interrupted when the door opened and in walked Jimin, looking dishevelled and tired. He had his eyes trained on his clipboard so he didn’t notice the guest in Jeongguk’s room.

“I’m so sorry, Guk, I wasn’t here when you woke up. I had a surgery and—” he looked up then and stopped short. Eyeing Jeongguk’s mother then Jeongguk with wide eyes.

“Oh, I’m—I’m sorry. I can come back later.” He said and made to exit but before he could leave, Jeongguk stopped him.

“No, Jimin, wait! It’s okay, stay…” he said. The moment that he said ‘Jimin’, Jeongguk’s mother’s eyes flashed with realisation and she sprang up and walked towards a highly surprised Jimin.

“Jimin! Hello! You’re the one my son gifted a cat to, right?” She exclaimed excitedly and Jeongguk groaned, praying fervently his mother wouldn’t spill any embarrassing secrets. Jimin on the other hand just dazedly let the woman usher him in, looking between Jeongguk and his mother in confusion. Not sure what to say or do.

“Uh, Jimin, this is my mother.” Jeongguk said sheepishly.

“Oh!” Jimin said and instantly bowed a neat ninety degrees.

“Oh my! How polite! Aren’t you pretty?” Jeongguk’s mother cooed, patting Jimin’s cheek with wild abandon and Jeongguk watched as Jimin visibly blushed a deep scarlet.

“T-thank you.” He stuttered, biting his bottom lip. And Jeongguk couldn’t help the soft smile, knowing how Jimin did that when he felt shy. He wanted nothing more than to kiss those soft rosy cheeks right about now.

“So, Jimin, do you work here?” His mother asked. Ushering Jimin to sit on another chair beside her.

“Eomma,” Jeongguk called and his mother turned towards him, “Jimin’s the one who did my surgery.” Jeongguk said quietly, looking at Jimin, who was averting both their eyes, instead looking at his fingers on his lap.

The happy joviality in Jeongguk’s mother’s demeanour changed to something more serious as she finally eyed Jimin and without another word lunged forward to hug him. Jimin, taken aback at first at the sudden movement, relaxed and hugged her back. When the woman detached himself from Jimin, she had her eyes full of tears once again. She took Jimin’s hands in both of hers.

“Thank you. Thank you so much for saving my son.” She said earnestly.

Jimin blushed some more, but then he patted Jeongguk’s mother’s hands in a comforting way and smiled warmly, “It was my duty to, Mrs Jeon. I had to save him.” he said with just as much sincerity.

Jeongguk watched the interaction with his heart filled with love and fondness, he wished he could tell his mother that this was the man. The man he loved, and who he planned to maybe marry one day. He knew his mother would be extremely happy. But he couldn’t do any of that and the restriction and delay of the whole thing, pained Jeongguk. From then onwards, Mrs Jeon asked Jimin everything from where he was from, and knowing he was from Busan too, her ecstasy went up a few notches, to where he studied, what his line of specialisation was, how his family was doing. And by the end of it, Jeongguk saw a glimpse of the old Jimin. He watched as he spoke animatedly with his mother, laughing at her anecdotes and adding a few of his own. The relationship between Jeongguk and him wasn’t brought into the conversation for obvious reasons, but Jimin kept stealing glances at him every now and then with a private little smile.

Jeongguk was mentally thanking his mother for making Jimin feel comfortable enough to open up and give Jeongguk a chance to see his love being his old happy self again, even if for a bit.

“Uh, I should probably leave. I’ve a surgery to assist to.” Jimin finally said, checking his wrist watch sadly and it made Jeongguk wonder if he was just as upset at having to leave as Jeongguk was to let him go. He wanted Jimin to stay back and keep chatting with his mother so he could keep listening to his voice that he’d missed so much.

“Oh, of course, honey. You must work so hard, you poor thing.” Mrs Jeon said with sympathy, patting Jimin’s cheeks.

“It’s alright,” Jimin said smiling, “I had a really nice time with you, Mrs Jeon. And please don’t worry about Jeongguk. He’s in good hands and he’ll be better in a matter of weeks.” He said in reassurance as he got up. All the while Jeongguk looked at him with longing. So many unsaid words hanging in the air like chandeliers.

“I’ll come see you again, Guk. Take care.” Jimin smiled at him, and left as Jeongguk’s eyes followed him till the door closed and even after that, to the essence that Jimin left behind.

“Is he the reason you left New York, Guk-ah?” his mother spoke quietly, breaking the silence and Jeongguk was startled at having the issue being addressed so directly. So he kept quiet, averting his mother’s gaze.

“You don’t have to tell me anything now if you don’t want to, Jeongguk. But you cannot fool me. I can see you’re in love with that boy. And that something unforeseen has happened between the two of you. I can also very clearly see that he loves you just as much. So, whatever it is that’s going on, it's hurting the two of you. And if you’re responsible for it, you need to fix it baby.” The gentle tone of his mother’s voice summarising everything with such remarkable clarity rendered Jeongguk speechless. He kept quiet, thinking what could he even say?

“You—you think?” he finally murmured.

“Think what, Gukie?”

“That—that he still loves me too?” he asked in a small voice.

His mother shifted closer and took Jeongguk’s hands, kissing his knuckles then patting them.

“I know love when I see it, my son. Trust me when I say that Jimin is just waiting for it, waiting for you to fix things, whatever it was that caused such a wedge between the two of you. I was seeing the way he was looking at you every few minutes. Make it right, Jeongguk.” his mother said.

“I will, Eomma, I will.” Jeongguk said, with more determination this time. He had to make it right.

His father came back after a while and showed his concern though in a slightly more muted manner than his mother. They sat and chatted for a while, till it was time for Jeongguk’s change of IV and other medications. His parents took his leave letting him know they’d be in the city for a few days, staying back at the hotel despite Jeongguk asking them to go back because of his father’s job but they shushed him right up.

The next few days were spent with visits from all his friends and his parents as he himself felt his health slowly returning. The pain in his head lessened from the constant throbbing to a dull ache and then finally disappeared to a muted discomfort. The arm healed too and he could move it freely again and so did the ribs so he could lie on his left side without howling in pain.

All along the only constant was Jimin. He consistently dropped by to visit Jeongguk in between his shifts and surgeries and spent the rest of the time he had free, with him as well. Sometimes bringing chess to play or Uno. They never breached the subject of their separation. Because no matter how much Jeongguk wanted to, Jimin maintained that detachedness when it came to that sensitive topic, sticking by his words to discuss it once Jeongguk healed entirely. So Jeongguk took what he could get. Basking in these small moments with Jimin, feeling like he had Jimin to himself entirely, just like before. Getting to hear Jimin’s giggles and laughter and his beautiful eye smile, all warm and directed at Jeongguk. In a way it felt like Jeongguk was falling in love with Jimin all over again, in a completely parallel setting.

It was the last week of Jeongguk’s stay at the hospital. He was to be released in four days. He was reclining on the pillows and reading a book that his mother brought for him, now able to completely sit upright with little to no pain. The door opened and Taehyung walked in with a tray of his medicines. Jeongguk stiffened up a bit. Even though he had met Taehyung before because he was often the one to give him his medications and stuff, he had never had to meet him alone, Jimin had always been with him. But somehow having to face Jimin’s best friend after whatever happened made Jeongguk a little nervous. Taehyung must have his grudges.

Taehyung simply looked at him and smiled and went about his usual chores of changing the IV, one of the very last bottles, and then making Jeongguk take the oral medications.

“Mind if I sit here for a while? I don’t have any immediate patient to attend to.” Taehyung said, still smiling. But something told Jeongguk, this wasn’t a casual chatting session.

“Of course, please.” Jeongguk said closing the book and placing it on the bedside table.

Taehyung pulled the chair a little closer and sat down, looking neat and tidy in his nurse’s scrubs.

“How are you feeling, Jeongguk-ah? No evident discomfort, right?” he asked.

“No, just…you know a slight dullness when I move the head a little too fast or something.”

“Hm… that’ll pass. But it’s nothing to worry about. You’ve really healed remarkably quick.” He said chuckling slightly and Jeongguk smiled a bit too. There was silence after that. The awkwardness was so thick in the air that Jeongguk could damn near feel it as he breathed.

“So, Jimin.” Taehyung finally said and Jeongguk instantly went rigid because there it was.

He kept quiet, letting Taehyung continue.

“Do you plan to apologise to him?” Taehyung went straight to the point without beating around the bush.

“I do. I wanted to right away after I was brought here. But he—he insisted that I recover and get discharged first.” Jeongguk replied, staring at the table kept beyond Taehyung.

“What he needs is a legitimate explanation as to why you did what you did, Jeongguk. And you need to fucking give him that. You weren’t here to see the broken mess that my best friend was. And just because you’re here with an accident behind you, doesn’t mean that I’m going to forget and forgive the pain that you put him through. He became a completely changed person and all because of you. Because he couldn’t understand how you could leave him when all he did was love you. You may not know Jimin still, like I do, but you should know that when he loves someone, he can even put his own life on the line for them. He chose to operate on you. Despite knowing the risks of a suspension that could have been detrimental to his career, he did it. Because of you. So you better fucking man up, Jeon Jeongguk and not break my soulmate’s heart again. Or you’ll have to deal with me.” There was pin drop silence after the lengthy speech that Taehyung delivered. And all that could be heard was the quiet hum of the air conditioner and Taehyung’s own breathing, coming out a little harsh after all that he said.

Jeongguk took his time to absorb all that Taehyung said and the other guy gave him time. Jeongguk already knew the hurt that he’d caused Jimin but having it laid out on the table like that by Taehyung made him feel worse than he already was. Finally after what felt like an eternity Jeongguk looked at Taehyung, who was looking back at him with intensity.

“I’m not gonna hurt him again, Tae. I can’t hurt him again. I swear I wasn’t any better myself. Each day without him was hell for me. So I know what I put him through, because I had gone through it all and more myself. I only want his happiness.” He tried to say with as much honesty as possible.

Taehyung looked like he was going to refute him but he considered Jeongguk’s words and then he sighed, tousling up his messy brunette hair over his forehead with his right hand, probably choosing to believe Jeongguk.

“I trust you to do the right thing, Jeongguk.” he said, softer this time. And Jeongguk could only nod. Taehyung didn’t stay after that. He patted Jeongguk’s arm once, a gesture of truce and walked out, closing the door behind him. Jeongguk resigned once again to stare blankly at nothing in particular. He really needed to get the hell out of here. He had a heart to win back.

It was the day before Jeongguk’s discharge and Jimin was as usual spending his break with Jeongguk. They were playing Uno but mostly getting distracted by each other’s presence. As if both knew the burden of emotions that screamed to be unleashed.

“Jimin, I wanna meet up with you. First thing after I get discharged tomorrow.” Jeongguk finally said, unable to bear the stifling silence and the dancing around each other anymore, his cards long forgotten.

Jimin looked up at him and his eyes once again filled with that unfathomable emotion that Jeongguk hoped was traces of his love. Jimin bit his bottom lip and nodded, looking back at Jeongguk again. “I’d like that. I’d like to tell you somethings too. I have a busy next few days with a couple of seminars. But, next weekend? Let’s meet for coffee?” he asked, hope lacing his tone and Jeongguk found himself fervently nodding. Because, finally. Finally, they were making progress in the right direction, towards a possible reconciliation.

“Yes. Yes to coffee.” He said eagerly and Jimin smiled in what Jeongguk would like to believe was fondness. They stared quietly at each other, the silence for once, not suffocating anymore. But the moment was broken with the opening of the door.

And in walked Jackson Wang. Complete in his scrubs with an additional lab coat thrown on top. And he was still every bit as attractive as Jeongguk remembered. Jeongguk couldn’t help but frown a bit.

“Jiminie, are you ready to go for that fitting? Oh, hi Jeongguk! Feeling better?” Jackson asked, as cheerful as ever. Jeongguk was still wary of the man, but he had tried to reign in his irrational jealousy because that had been one of the reasons why things went downhill. And Jackson had been kind enough to visit him a few times during his stay, checking up on him. So Jeongguk couldn’t bring himself to be rude to the man. Jeongguk could also feel Jimin looking at him in apprehension.

He smiled at Jackson and replied politely, “I’m feeling better, thanks Hyung.”

“Excellent. You’ll be home tomorrow this time.” he said happily, then added, “mind if I borrow Jiminie a bit?” he asked. And Jeongguk wanted to say that, yes he minded very much, but of course he couldn’t very well say that so he simply nodded, still with a polite smile.

Jimin got up and gathered his things, putting the cards in the box and placing it on the bedside table and then picked up his lab coat that was draped around the chair.

“I’ll drop by later.” Jimin said and smiled softly. And Jeongguk nodded, wishing Jimin would just bend lower so he could kiss him. But Jeongguk couldn’t, not just yet. He wanted to go about it the right way.

He watched them leave sadly and resigned to counting down the minutes till he could see Jimin again.

Unfortunately, Jimin remained busy the rest of the day with multiple surgeries and one accident case and before Jeongguk knew it, it was the next day and he was getting prepared for discharge. Jimin came to visit him then, smiling brightly with all the paperwork done. And Jeongguk could feel the excitement engulfing his now healthy body once again. He couldn’t wait for the weekend. Jeongguk had decided that until things were cleared up, it would be better if he stayed with Namjoon and Seokjin so they were to come pick him up.

“I’ll see you this Friday?” Jeongguk asked, as he was standing ready to leave the cabin that had been his home for nearly a month.

“Yeah. I’ll see you. Make sure to take your medicines and make Namjoon Hyung drive you around. Take care, okay?” Jimin said, voice dripping with concern.

“Can I—is it okay if … if I hug you?” Jeongguk asked, unable to hold himself back. Ever since he returned, Jimin’s proximity is all that he had been craving.

“Of course, you can.” Jimin replied instantly and Jeongguk nearly lunged forward to hold Jimin in his arms once again. And the first whiff of citrus from so close again, seemed to bring his own brand of summer. The feeling of love, of comfort washing over him and calming him down. Healing him for real. He couldn’t help himself as he nuzzled his nose closer to Jimin’s neck, breathing him in, feeling his heartbeat. And he could feel just how desperately Jimin hugged him back. They had to break apart when the clearing of a throat disrupted the peace and Jeongguk was pleased to see the red tinging Jimin’s cheeks as he himself cleared his throat unnecessarily while Taehyung who had entered, smirked knowingly.

“Time to go, Jeongguk. Hyung is here.” Taehyung said.

Jeongguk nodded and took his overnight bag that Namjoon had packed for him due to his long stay at the hospital that was being handed in by Jimin. He had come to know from Namjoon that all his luggage and everything had been safely delivered by the driver of the cab who fortunately had escaped with just a few scratches and was the one to bring Jeongguk into the hospital.

“Take care, Guk.” Jimin said once again and despite everything in Jeongguk screaming at him to just kiss Jimin, he simply nodded and exited the room with Taehyung. As Jimin stayed back and watched from the doorway, because he had a surgery to leave for immediately. With one last look at Jimin who waved at him with a smile, Jeongguk disappeared around the corner and towards the exit.

It was Thursday and Jeongguk had just received very good news. Yoongi had contacted him asking what he was thinking to do job-wise and Jeongguk had said he had no idea yet. To that Yoongi had suggested that his friend was going freelance as a wedding photographer and was looking for a partner. He had already done solo work and was quite popular but with popularity came added pressure and now he required someone competent to share the workload, so of course Yoongi had recommended Jeongguk, showing the other guy some of Jeongguk’s works.

Jeongguk had said yes in a heartbeat, arranging to meet with the guy for further details. Honestly Jeongguk felt relieved to be working with someone instead of under someone. It felt liberating and he wanted to take things slow for a change, he was still young, he still had time to expand and explore his career. So, after that was settled, the first thought he had was letting Jimin know. He checked his watch and it was just a little after lunch. He knew Jimin usually was free around this time, unless he had any unplanned surgeries. He was supposed to meet him tomorrow for coffee. But he couldn’t wait to tell him the good news.

He texted Jimin asking if he was free, but the message didn’t deliver. Frowning Jeongguk contemplated what to do. He knew he would be scolded by Namjoon if he ventured out so soon after being released, but he also wanted to meet Jimin very badly and Namjoon neither Seokjin was home to stop him. So, deciding to just go ahead with it, he got dressed quickly, well as quickly as he could manage with his ribs still protesting a bit at any rash movements, Jeongguk took a bus to Jimin’s hospital, deciding to surprise the guy.

It took him about half an hour and soon he was walking up the familiar area leading up to the main building. Smiling softly to himself at the prospect of seeing Jimin. He wondered how on earth he was foolish enough to let him go. He was determined to make Jimin his again tomorrow, whatever it takes. He was walking by the small park towards the reception entrance when he noticed someone in the park, more like some people.

He casually turned his head around but when he saw who the two people were, he was transfixed on the spot with a strong sense of déjà vu. Taking him back to when he had come bearing flowers for Jimin and seen him with Jackson all those months ago.

In that same park, once again, was Jimin and Jackson.

Like some movie, scenes were being played out as Jeongguk stood rooted, unable to move and feeling compelled, for some reason, to watch.

Jimin was laughing wholeheartedly as Jackson was eagerly relating some story. They were casually walking back and forth on the grass, not a care in the world. Jeongguk hadn’t seen Jimin laugh like that with him, not yet. Not since everything went down.

But it seemed Jeongguk’s miseries and horrors had just begun because Jackson suddenly began feeling up his own pockets. Jeongguk couldn’t tear his eyes away. And out came a small velvet box. Jeongguk watched even as his world swayed a bit, Jimin’s eyes widened at the small jewellery box. And then Jackson was walking up to Jimin, closer to him and he opened the box and even from the distance Jeongguk knew it was a ring. A goddamn ring!

Jimin smiled widely then, the very sun held in his eyes and threw his arms around Jackson hugging him tight as Jackson hugged him right back, the ring box still clutched in his hand. Jimin was nodding his head vigorously and Jeongguk…

Jeongguk couldn’t watch anymore. He walked on unsteady feet towards a nearby bench, away from the view of the park or the main entrance to the hospital and sat down on it, feeling extremely light headed and felt bile rising to his throat, his vision blacking around the edges a bit.

“Jiminie, are you ready to go for that fitting?”   Jackson’s happy voice calling out.

“I’d like to tell you somethings too.” Jimin said, smiling shyly.

Was it all a lie? Had Jeongguk read all the signs wrong? Jimin… had Jimin really moved on? Moved on so far away from Jeongguk that he was getting engaged to someone that wasn’t Jeongguk? Jeongguk felt his chest constrict with so much pain that he was sure that, that was his heart breaking into a million tiny pieces. Never to get back together again.

All that Taehyung said, all of Jimin’s enthusiasm, maybe all of it were not for Jeongguk, but just to let Jeongguk know that Jimin has found happiness in someone else now and Jeongguk better be happy for him too and not hurt Jimin for it. Maybe this is what Jimin wanted to let Jeongguk know tomorrow. That he had found love again.

Jeongguk had well and truly lost Jimin and the implication of it hurt Jeongguk so heavily that he faintly lied down sideways on the dusty bench. Blankly staring at the road ahead, playing Jimin’s ecstasy at Jackson’s ring to him, Jimin nodding his assent to him, Jimin saying yes to a new life, to a new love… And Jeongguk… he was no longer in the picture. Jimin was someone else’s to hold, someone else’s to kiss, someone else’s to love…

And the familiar ache… the inability to breathe, returned in full force. Could he really live a life without Jimin? Just when he wanted to make things right again? Was life really going to be this monumentally cruel? Jeongguk didn’t know and he couldn’t care because all his feelings and emotions had numbed to a persistent, intense pain. Taking over his whole body.

He hadn’t realised he was shivering. Eyes moist and dripping with tears. And mouth moving to utter the same name once again, over and over again. Only this time he knew he had lost. Lost the only person he knew he could ever love. Jimin was no longer Jeongguk’s.

“Jimin…No...please, Jimin…”

Chapter Text

Jeongguk: Congratulations, Jimin

                  I’m happy for u. Take care always

Dr Park:   Huh?

Dr Park: Jeongguk?

Dr Park: Heyy

Dr Park: Gukie…

Jeongguk sighed with the weariness of a lifetime. He had to get his number changed.

-

A week later.

“Yoongi’s been praising you to the skies, Jeongguk. And I knew right away you must be really good, cause you know how Yoongles is, praises from him are hard to come by.” Elijah Kim laughed. This was Yoongi’s friend, half American and half Korean, who Yoongi had recommended Jeongguk to. Jeongguk was sitting at a café with Elijah and his cousin Noah discussing their new arrangement and also exchanging portfolios to get familiar with each other’s works. Elijah seemed perfectly easy going, competent and extremely talented. He had worked in Paris for a couple of years, eventually getting a little weighed down by the intense competition which is why he chose to go freelancing and gained a substantial amount of popularity and now had opened an agency to cater to celebratory photography, which included everything from weddings, birthdays, engagements and the rest.

By far it had been him and his younger cousin Noah, dealing with things, but as their demand rose, Elijah decided to split his share and authority over the company with another person who shared his vision. Which is where Jeongguk came in. Despite the heavy emotional turmoil Jeongguk had been going through for the past week, what with getting his number changed, and effectively blocking Jimin from his life and trying to get the excruciating pain of losing Jimin out of his mind and the countless sleepless nights, Jeongguk welcomed this distraction. And was even looking forward to plunging into work, to forget about his life that was otherwise in shambles.

Jeongguk took a sip of his scorching hot mocha and nodded, smiling. “I’m rather excited to work with you guys. It’ll be a really nice change from choosing between having to hit deadlines on the dot or getting fired.” He said, taking a bite of his banana nut muffin with a wry smile.

Noah laughed at that and Elijah snickered. “Yeah, you were working for the Dragon Lady herself! That’s really impressive though, Jeongguk. Why’d you leave? I mean, it must have been one hell of an experience.” Noah, asked, taking a sip of his own coffee as well and Elijah leant forward in interest.

Why did he leave? Because he was coming back to the man he loves. Jeongguk almost laughed out loud humourlessly at the irony. The person he was coming back for had moved on and was starting a new life. While Jeongguk stood paralysed, at the turn in the road where they were to meet, alone and waiting. Jeongguk closed his eyes for a few seconds, the hurt still very fresh. It’s like he had never healed at all, suffering back to back. He hasn’t been okay since last September. And he didn’t know if he ever will.

He cleared his throat to buy some time, because both the other guys had noticed the prolonged stretch of silence and it was beginning to get a little awkward. Jeongguk didn’t exactly know what to say so he stuck with a modified version of what he had told them back at Aphrodisiac.

“I missed New York.” He finally said quietly, running his right forefinger around the rim of his cup. Well more like he missed one particular person.

Elijah, probably sensing the shift in the mood, changed the subject quickly.

“Well, good for me actually. I found myself a partner!” he said jovially and Noah nodded eagerly. Jeongguk was grateful for them not trying to pry out why someone in their right minds would leave an offer to advance in their career from Aphrodisiac. So, from then onwards the conversation flowed relatively smoothly. Elijah informed him of some upcoming wedding shoots in a couple weeks. The earliest one being at Malibu, a destination wedding of sorts. And Jeongguk was eager for that to come already. He needed to escape the city. The city that did nothing but haunt him with memories of Jimin, of him falling in love with Jimin, of his life together with Jimin. And just Jimin, Jimin, Jimin…

He knew that at this point, he was just in denial and constantly escaping his reality, but Jeongguk wanted to avoid experiencing the heartbreak, head on, for as long as he could manage.

Elijah told him his office’s address, which was now to be theirs and to have Jeongguk come by at the earliest so Jeongguk could set things up on his side accordingly. After the paperwork and other details were finalised, they parted ways. Namjoon and Seokjin were away for a few weeks for Seokjin’s family business trip in London for their overseas partners, and Namjoon had decided to go with him as well, considering how he barely took any time off with a thriving bookshop to manage. But after handing over the charge of the shop to a subordinate, Namjoon could finally be convinced to relax for a while with his boyfriend. So, Jeongguk had the apartment to himself for the time being. He was however, looking up apartments online as he didn’t feel comfortable anymore to encroach upon his friends’ privacy 24x7, even though both of them vehemently scolded him for thinking that way. Jeongguk knew that he couldn’t live with them forever and now that Jimin… wasn’t in his life anymore, going back to their old apartment wasn’t an option either.

Although Jeongguk didn’t quite understand why Jimin kept living on his own at their shared apartment instead of already having moved in with Jackson. But he figured there must be a pretty good reason and he tried not to dwell on it. Not to dwell on them . But it was difficult. So fucking difficult to get the dreams he had with Jimin out of his head, so he helplessly resigned himself to feeling them break and shatter. He knew he’d be okay eventually, maybe one day. But so far, life was a mess of chaotic emotions, sporadic mood swings and a dull perpetual ache and longing. And Jeongguk was somehow coping amidst it all.

Fast forward two weeks and Jeongguk found himself on an airplane flying off to Malibu with Elijah, while Noah stayed back to look after their agency. Jeongguk was quite happy with the distraction since his friends still hadn’t returned, the deathly quiet of the apartment only aiding in fuelling his dark thoughts that had taken permanent residence in his head, with the person staying in that residence being Jimin. Jimin’s effervescent laugh and endless love. All of which were for someone else now. Jeongguk, in a way, had incorporated and acclimatised himself with this new reality, so his mind tended to slip into a dark space these days. He was glad to get away  from himself and look forward to something else other than his festering heart.

Malibu was the generic, popular beach city. Glitz and glamour and the thrill of the sparkling ocean tying everything together in a neat little bow. It was quite pleasant to feel the ocean waves lapping idly as if they had all the time in the world to make the journey to and from the shore, and maybe they did. The wedding was predictably taking place by the beach. Jeongguk was testing shots as Elijah instructed the wedding planner the type of photos he  had envisioned in accordance with the theme given out by the bride and groom. The place was nicely decorated keeping in mind a pastel colour code- a modern fairy-tale of sorts.

Things progressed smoothly, and soon vows were being exchanged at dusk, the sun glimmering low on the horizon, casting a golden glow on everyone and everything. Jeongguk and Elijah efficiently took the photos, and as Jeongguk inspected them on his viewfinder, he knew that they’d look the right amount of dreamy once edited. At a particular lull in their photo session, Jeongguk and Elijah grabbed two glasses of champagne and just admired the milling of the crowds and the bride and groom greeting the guests. Jeongguk followed their movements, how the groom had his arm lovingly around the girl’s waist, placing fleeting kisses now and then on her temple, making her glow all the more. He watched as they smiled and laughed, the ocean and the setting sun a marvellous backdrop for the couple, who were happy and in love. Jeongguk’s heart ached in longing. He hallucinated flashes of moon eyed smiles and wind chimed laughter, floating with the waves. Red hair and rosy cheeks. Gentle hands and warm love.

The moment shattered when his mind cruelly reminded him , that those weren’t his anymore. And suddenly Jeongguk felt suffocated. He wanted to leave but knew he couldn’t. There was still the dance and the dinner. So he swallowed his unbidden memories and focused on the happy couple. Taking their pictures to commemorate and immortalise their special day. And if Jeongguk went a little overboard on the champagne, nobody had to know.

The flight back home was subdued and quiet. Elijah already had his laptop whipped out and looking through the shots they took, deciding which ones to put into the album , always one to get started right away. Jeongguk on the other hand was too distracted, his heart still playing the images of the blatant show of love at the wedding, except that he wished they were someone else instead. Elijah didn’t mind, he insisted that he got the arrangement of the photos part covered and Jeongguk could relax on the way home. Jeongguk promised that he’ll take over the editing once they reached back. With that settled, Jeongguk resigned to listen to songs about heartbreak halfheartedly, for the remainder of the flight.

 -

It was the weekend. A couple of days after Jeongguk and Elijah had returned from their Malibu trip. Elijah had decided to celebrate Jeongguk’s first time as a freelance photographer after working under prim and proper companies by going to a club. Jeongguk, quite predictably, was opposed to it. Because lately, he hadn't really been feeling peachy about anything fun. But when Yoongi descended at his apartment, which was still devoid of Namjoon and Seokjin and practically dragged him out, lecturing him about the drawbacks of being a hermit, Jeongguk relented begrudgingly. There wasn’t really any winning with his friend. He was thankful that Yoongi didn’t ask about Jimin, although it was understandable, he guessed. Because Yoongi had been out with his team of photographers for a weeklong trip to Florida as well, so after visiting him at the hospital, Yoongi had left the city.

The club was thrumming with the signature bass drums and electropop as soon as Jeongguk set foot inside, Yoongi checked their coats at the counter and followed him. Elijah had texted and let them know that Noah and him had already reached as Jeongguk and Yoongi were running a little late. Jeongguk tried to adjust his eyesight among the myriad of flashing lights making it seem like the walls and ceilings had a life of their own. The time of the evening was still pretty early for people to get wasted and plaster onto each other on the dance floor, so the crowd, even though quite thick, was still moderately sober and the dance moves had their sanity intact. It was only a matter of time before things were gonna go wild.

They weaved through the crowd and reached the bar, where Yoongi scanned the booths for their friends. He soon found Elijah waving madly at them and they made their way towards one of the booths located nearest to the bar.

“Yoongles!” Elijah cheered, holding a glass of what looked like whiskey with ice sloshing around in his left hand. Yoongi grinned and the two friends hugged it out. Elijah, clearly a little bit tipsy already.

Noah was smiling widely as well, and tucked to his side with his arm thrown around was a woman, who had a little smile and was sipping on her bottle of beer.

“Jeongguk! How is it fair that when I try to convince you, you deny? But one word from Yoongles and you’re here!” Elijah said, voice loud to be heard over the heavy music.

Yoongi put an arm around Jeongguk’s shoulders and pulled him. “JK knows better than to say no to his Hyung.” He said smugly and Jeongguk couldn’t help but roll his eyes.

“Well, I’m glad you guys could make it. Come sit.” Elijah said and soon places were adjusted and they were all seated. Jeongguk stuck to his beer while Yoongi got himself a whiskey.

“Jeongguk, Yoongi, this is my girlfriend Maddie. Babe, this is Yoongi and Jeongguk.” Noah finally said, looking fondly at the girl who was already on her second bottle of beer. Dressed in a graphic black tee shirt and ripped jeans and dark hair, Maddie was attractive in the gothic way. She lifted her bottle with her right hand with painted black nails in a gesture of cheering with a tilt to her head and smiled widely.

“Yeah and they had been disgustingly in love for the better part of the evening so thank god for finally saving me from this prolonged third wheeling.” Elijah sighed.

“Happy to help. And nice to meet you, Maddie.” Yoongi said, lifting his own glass as well. Maddie, they learnt, was an architect and “one of the very best in NYC” as added by a gushing Noah who was clearly smitten, which was then followed by a heavy eye roll from Elijah. She was quite friendly and asked about both of Jeongguk and Yoongi’s jobs.

“Noah has gotten me into photography quite a bit. But that’s maybe because he keeps taking photos of me and I have to snatch the damn camera away for the continuous shots to stop. I often confiscate it and take pictures of my cat instead.” Maddie said animatedly and Noah bent forward to kiss her on the cheek, “That’s cause you’re too beautiful to not be captured, baby.” He said dopily and Maddie smacked him on the chest laughing and scolded him to tone it down. Elijah and Yoongi laughed and Jeongguk smiled too. Trying his hardest to not draw similarities between what Noah and Maddie did, to what he used to do with Jimin. It was unreal how in every little thing, every little situation, even after what happened, Jimin still found himself a way in.

Jeongguk had been fairly quiet throughout the evening, not exactly knowing what to contribute. So he focused on polite nods and smiles and concentrated on finishing his drink as Yoongi chatted away with them.

“You okay, kid?” Yoongi asked suddenly, his voice soft while Elijah was talking to the other two, as Jeongguk had been zoning out again.

“I’m not a kid, Yoongi, we were literally in the same class.” Jeongguk said slurring a little, the alcohol beginning to have its effect.

“Yah! Just because you’re drunk doesn’t mean I’m gonna let you disrespect me.” Yoongi scolded, although there wasn’t really any bite to his voice.

Jeongguk smiled a tipsy smile, “I’m fine, Hyung. Really.”

Yoongi searched his face, scrutinising, and Jeongguk hoped his sharp eyed Hyung couldn’t read the tales of heartbreak written in big bold letters all over Jeongguk’s face. If Yoongi saw anything disbelieving, he chose not to comment, instead nodding his head once.

“I’m gonna get another drink.” Jeongguk declared and after the others nodded, he made his way towards the bar. As Jeongguk waited for his drink, wisps of the song that was currently playing came floating by. At first, he didn’t pay attention to it, but as the music progressed, he realised that the beat wasn’t the obnoxious bass or some mindless metallic voice calling people to throw their inhibitions and get on the floor. No. This was a melody. And as his ears attuned itself more, he understood that this was a love song, an yearning, a lyrical letter. He absentmindedly accepted his drink and sat himself on the bar stool, not returning to his friends just yet. Letting himself feel the music. It had been a while since he had listened to it with all concentration, anyways. Jimin, it seemed, had taken away everything Jeongguk loved, when he left.

“… let me feel your love again

Cause I’ve been running round in circles

screaming out your name…”

Jeongguk took a sip of the bitter liquid, feeling his heart react to the lyrics. He could relate. God he could relate so much. Maybe he hadn’t lost his last threads of sanity and gone berserk screaming for Jimin, but in his dreams at night, ridden with nightmares, that’s exactly what he did. Aching, longing, wanting for Jimin to love him again. Wanting to feel Jimin’s love all for himself, again.

“… take me to a different place

Just the two of us and we can stay up all night

Kissing under streetlights

Doing what we want to…”

Jeongguk smiled a wry smile, devoid of warmth. Just holding onto those memories he had of having Jimin all to himself, loving him till the sun went down. And all over again as the first rays of a new day graced their shared apartment. Kissing him under the full moon, under the artificial fluorescence of countless streetlights, the warmth of Jimin’s brown eyes cocooning Jeongguk in a comfort that he never imagined he’d be losing someday.  

Jeongguk’s eyes flitted up towards the mass of swaying bodies in front of him, all bathed in a psychedelic hue of neon and alcohol, of want and desire, and love . So much love that Jeongguk’s heart begged to have a piece of it. He watched as the people seemed to all have a great time, embracing the change of music, holding their partners close, letting the song do the talking for them. Drunken promises of forever feverishly whispered between intoxication. But the night was one of distraction and little of remembrance, so everyone made the most of it. Except Jeongguk, because he knew he would remember each vivid detail even if he got shitfaced. Forgetting has been harder than ever for him lately.

Jeongguk had fallen into a trance watching the hypnotic rhythm in front of him, clutching his glass, and tuning out the rest, his mind honed in on the lyrics. But just as the chorus hit and the beat somewhat went into a crescendo, he almost choked on his drink, thinking if this was finally that stage where he would begin to conjure people who maybe weren’t actually there.

“…Let me be that someone who can hold your hand…”

Except his hands, his body was plastered onto someone else. Not Jeongguk.

“… I don’t even know if you can understand…”

Did he? Did he understand? How every second of this was like a fine shrapnel piercing Jeongguk’s heart?

“… how you make me feel I got you in my head…”

Head, heart, soul, body and Jeongguk’s entire goddamn existence. There was no respite, no escape.

“… Oh, I wanna be with you… be with you…”

Except he wasn’t. Jimin wasn't. He wasn’t with Jeongguk no matter how hard Jeongguk gripped his glass of whiskey or how hard he willed himself to look away from the sight in front of him. But he couldn't. He was under a spell and all he saw was Jimin. Some cruel puppeteer compelling Jeongguk to take his bruised heart in his hands and watch his lover… no… his erstwhile lover, dance the night away with his fiancé.

 Because that’s exactly what was happening.

Jimin was there. On the dance floor. Looking like sin personified, in skin-tight black leather pants, a V neck silk shirt whose neckline had probably decided to just go for it and plunge till oblivion, and a shimmery jacket. And adorned on his pale, swan like neck was a black choker. His black hair pushed and slicked back. All traces of innocence and softness gone. This was the devil . A predator . And Jeongguk currently felt enraptured and trapped all at the same time even as that goddamn psychic song kept playing and Jimin kept dancing like he was never gonna see another sunrise. Head thrown back, arms looped around Jackson’s neck with Jackson’s arms around his waist, holding him close.

Even amidst the cacophony of an ocean of colours, Jeongguk saw red . Chaotic, destructive red. Bleeding around the edges, bursting at the seams red. He shoved the whiskey glass away hard and it slid down the bar top and hit another patron who screamed an indignant ‘hey!’ but was probably too buzzed to care too much. That was the beauty of clubs, it mollifies some, while it enrages the other. A raging oxymoron. He got up from the stool, threw one hasty glance at his table of friends who were also probably too out of it to care much about Jeongguk’s disappearance. Yoongi had an arm loosely slung around an animatedly talking Elijah, while Noah and Maddie were silently canoodling.

He turned his head back on the dance floor. Jimin was still looking like a dream, still breaking Jeongguk’s heart just by existing. He began making his way through the crowd towards them. He needed to know why? Wanted to know why? Where had Jeongguk’s love gone wrong? Sure he had fucked up, but he was about to apologise wasn’t he? He was himself suffering those three months away from Jimin. Then why? How? How the hell could Jimin go ahead and fucking agree to marry someone else when Jeongguk couldn’t even go to sleep at night without Jimin’s name on his lips? He determinedly shoved past the dancing bodies, Jimin’s sensual form like a beacon amongst dull background noise.

He stopped suddenly, hesitating, when he saw a woman join them, laughing and whispering something in Jimin’s ear which made Jimin smile as well. Jeongguk thought, in his intoxicated brain, that he’d seen the woman somewhere. But where exactly…?  The woman then manoeuvred herself between Jimin and Jackson and Jeongguk frowned. Jimin was okay with some woman sticking herself like that with his fiancé? Then to his surprise Jimin patted the woman on the small of her back and nudged her towards Jackson who happily took her in his arms.

What the fuck was going on? Were they this friendly? Jeongguk thought. Still standing rooted on the spot, uncaring of the push and shove from all sides as the people danced.

Just as he rethought what he initially had determined to do and was about to turn around and get away, save his heart from another heartbreak, brown eyes caught him. Like an arrow through its purpose, Jeongguk found himself staring at Jimin. Because Jimin was staring right back. In all his beautiful, heart-breaking glory, Jimin caught Jeongguk red handed, with Jeongguk’s haphazard emotions among a mess of sweaty bodies. Jimin stared at him, stared at his soul, a hurricane turning everything inside out. Jeongguk could barely breathe . Could barely register that the song had changed. He felt like Icarus. This close to burning down in flames.

“… there’s too much smoke to see it

There’s too much broke to feel this

Well, I love you, I love you

And all of your pieces…”

Jeongguk wanted to scream in agony. What was this club, this place doing? Playing songs that told his story, bringing him back the one person his heart yearned for, only to play in front of his very eyes, the cruel irony of fate. Jimin held his gaze with an unwavering strength, as if challenging him, daring him to back down. Jeongguk almost cried with how dangerous yet hauntingly beautiful Jimin looked. But Jeongguk was weak, a coward. So, he lowered his eyes, closed them. Jaw clenched tight to will his nerves in order. He turned around without a word and away from that spot.

If Jimin wanted to flaunt his newfound love, then Jeongguk could pretend to not care too. Because he can’t let his real pain show, that would be opening the floodgates to a monster. He weaved his way through the crowd into a different spot on the dance floor. His eyes searching for someone, somebody. He finally found a lonely man dancing on his own, without a care in the world. Perhaps Jeongguk should take lessons from him, to let loose without a body to hold or be held. It was good that he had liquid courage. Because he couldn’t imagine his introverted self, doing something like this stone cold sober. He made his way to the man, who was a head shorter than him. Just like Jimin is , his heart treacherously supplied. He violently pushed the thoughts away and pulled the man by his waist. He realised that what he  was doing was probably wrong, and uncalled for. He had an apology ready on his tongue and to excuse himself immediately if the man called him out for it. But besides a surprised gasp, the man let Jeongguk pull him in.

Jeongguk didn’t want to see the man’s face. He knew he’d lose this petty courage, that he was using, in an instant when the face that’ll look up at him wouldn’t be of a certain brown eyed boy. But he pushed himself to forget, just this once. Just this one night, free of his Jimin induced haze. It was bad enough that the man was right there with him in the same room, inhaling the same clouded air. He nuzzled his face into the man’s neck and the man sighed, moaned even, pushing his body backwards to Jeongguk’s chest in ecstasy.

Wrong. All wrong.

There was no burst of citrus, no comfort of home.

This was some cheap perfume mingled with sweat and alcohol.

Not Jimin. Not his Jimin.

Stop it! Jimin isn’t yours anymore! His brain scolded him, egging him on to just enjoy this strange man’s company. And maybe even take him home for the night, to prolong the pretence and give his heart a break.

“… history’s a letter made in scarlet

Victories look better when you’ve called it

Misery’s the moment when I lost you

It’s pleasure in a costume

It’s more than what it cost you…”

The wretched song went on.

Jeongguk hadn’t realised he had started crying, but the moment the man made a disgruntled noise because he must have felt the wetness in his shoulders from where Jeongguk had his face hidden, he turned around in his hold. Concerned face peering at Jeongguk. And Jeongguk instantly closed his eyes. No . He didn’t want to see. He didn’t want to face the reality that he was currently slow dancing with someone that wasn’t his love, but some unknown man he literally jumped on.

“Hey you feeling okay?” he heard the man ask, a little loudly over the haunting melody. Jeongguk also felt the wetness sliding down his cheeks. God he was such a fucking mess! He nodded dumbly. Because he wasn’t about to burden his Pacific Ocean of a heart full of baggage onto this stranger from a club. The man was about to resume dancing probably, moving to turn around once again when Jeongguk felt a harsh tug on his right elbow which inevitably removed his hold from the stranger’s waist and turned himself around.

“… there’s too much smoke to see it

There’s too much broke to feel this

Well, I love you, I love you

And all of your pieces…”

The chorus.

The haze of alcohol.

The smoke of his burning heart.

And Jimin.

Jimin staring at him with fire in his eyes, as if he were the embodiment of rage, as if embers were flying out his eyes, his lips, his body. Making him glow, making him untouchable. But Jimin was touching him. He had his hand on Jeongguk’s elbow. Staring daggers of fire at Jeongguk.

“J-Jimin..?” Jeongguk unintelligibly murmured but even over the loud music, Jimin heard him alright.

“Dance with me, Jeongguk.” and with that Jimin was pulling him away from the stranger without sparing a single glance at the other man and towards a relatively empty space on the dancefloor. Jeongguk followed like a lost puppy, a puppy that was probably badly hypnotised. Jimin stopped at a favourable spot and stood in front of him, eyes still holding that unforgivable fire. He then slowly shuffled closer and snaked his arms around Jeongguk and the contact set Jeongguk’s body on aflame, as if the embers burning in Jimin’s eyes got transformed into him. His senses assaulted with citrus and summer, home and comfort, colours and vibrancy and Jeongguk knew that alcohol couldn’t hold a candle to the intoxication that was his Jimin. He automatically pulled Jimin in by his waist, not really registering his actions.

Jeongguk was drowning, and he willingly let himself go under because oh how he had missed this! Missed this warmth, missed Jimin’s body fitting like a long-lost puzzle piece into him.

“Open your eyes.” Came the voice of a siren, silk and sultry. This was Jimin at his most dangerous, something Jeongguk hadn’t encountered before.

He opened his eyes in hesitance, trepidation. Only to find Jimin staring at him, with all the softness of the world held in his beautiful eyes that reflected the neon of the club. The previous fire washed out by the wave of affection that glimmered in his eyes. Jeongguk got whiplash by the sudden change. Somewhere at the back of his mind, something was warning him to back off, to not cross a line, that Jimin was somebody else’s now, an engaged man. But his body and heart denied all that and only pulled him closer, and Jimin willingly came too. He couldn’t bring himself to care. Not when Jimin was there with him. Not when Jimin was his first.

“Jimin…” Jeongguk muttered once again. The chaos of the club falling into nothing.

Jimin’s eyes pierced deep into Jeongguk’s very core, as if trying to find answers. What answers, Jeongguk had no idea.

“Why?” Jimin all but whispered, but Jeongguk heard him loud and clear.

“Why, baby?” Jimin whispered again, this time bringing his palms up and holding Jeongguk’s face. And Jeongguk’s mind was running at dangerous miles an hour because what the hell was Jimin doing? Why was he entertaining this proximity with Jeongguk? What if Jackson found them out in this compromising position? But once again, Jeongguk couldn’t care, not really, holding his face over Jimin’s hands.

“Why?” he questioned Jimin back.

And just like that, the softness from Jimin’s warm orbs disappeared and the icy fire returned. The soft edges morphing into hardness, and Jeongguk realised, Jimin was angry. Not just a casual playful anger from before. This one ran deep, left chaos in its wake. Jeongguk felt Jimin grip his face harder, pulling him down towards his level, eyes never leaving his.

“What did I ever do to you, Jeon Jeongguk?” Jimin asked, voice laced with steel.

Jeongguk was at a loss. Was Jimin referring to their separation from all those months ago?

“I—what?”

“What did I ever do to you besides love you unconditionally?” Jimin asked again, demanded again.

“Jimin what do you mean, I—”

“Answer me, you coward!” Jimin screamed above the music, but thankfully nobody heard, all of them still too comfortable in their own little bubbles.

“Jimin, I wanted to apologise to you, I wanted to do that right after my accident. But you didn’t let me and then—”

“And then what? Why did you ghost me? Why disappear after a few texts? Why?!” Jimin was shaking Jeongguk by the shoulders now, and Jeongguk could see the mascara smudged around the edges and so was the liner, the choker bobbed as Jimin swallowed, dark black hair a wild mess. He looked so beautiful that it hurt.

“Why? Because you got fucking engaged! You said yes to someone that wasn’t me! You fucking moved on when I was coming to win you back!” Jeongguk finally snapped, breathing hard and ragged, and he knew his hold on Jimin’s waist had to be bruising but he didn’t care. Jimin wanted answers, and that’s what he was gonna get!

“You fucking fell in love with someone that wasn’t me...” Jeongguk now whispered, breathing in the citrus, for probably the final time in his life, getting to hold Jimin this close for probably the last time. He  knew wanting it was wrong but he couldn’t help it.

Jimin was staring at him in unabashed astonishment. Pretty mouth parted, eyebrows raised, eyes wide. What was so surprising about it? The fact that Jeongguk came to know about it before Jimin could tell him? Jeongguk bitterly thought.

“What now, Jimin? What do you have to say for yourself now?” Jeongguk taunted with a heartless smile, bringing Jimin even closer.

Jimin stared at him in a stunned silence for God knows how long.

“Kiss me.”

The words sent Jeongguk crashing in the shores with such intensity that he could barely collect himself.

“What?!” he asked, stupefied and stunned.

Jimin looked dead serious. Was he out of his mind? He was willing to cheat on his fiancé? What’s he doing? Jeongguk’s mind and heart was a mess.

“You heard me, Jeongguk. Kiss me.”

“I—what the fuck, Jimin! I can’t. Y-you’re engaged.” Jeongguk spluttered.

“So? Might as well have my last fling with my ex, don’t you agree?” Jimin said, smirking. Actually smirking .

The words hurt Jeongguk like shards of ice. Last fling. Ex. This wasn’t his Jimin. Who was this man?

Jimin shuffled closer to Jeongguk if that was even possible, pulling him down by his neck, their chests flush together, lips separated by a few inches and eyes still holding Jeongguk’s wavering gaze.

“Don’t you want to kiss the man you love, for the very last time Jeongguk?” Jimin murmured, right against his lips, eyes darting back and forth across his face.

And Jeongguk knew he shouldn't. He shouldn’t be complicit in whatever game Jimin was playing. This was dangerous. He didn’t want to make Jimin betray his fiancé. This was so wrong. So very wrong and immoral.

Kiss the man you love for the very last time…

Jimin’s voice tantalised him, Jimin’s body, his lips, his warmth making him lose his sanity and against his better judgement, foregoing the knowledge of time and place, Jeongguk found himself leaning closer.

“I do…” he heard himself whispering back.

And the very next instant their lips met with a fervour that hadn’t been there in any of their previous kisses that were wrought with innocence and young love. But not this one. As their tongues fought for dominance Jeongguk realised this was different. This was dripping with desire, yearning, heartbreak, pain and growth. They were no longer fresh out of college but adults dealing with the stresses of life. In all these past months of longing, he never could have imagined he'd be kissing Jimin again under such dramatic and uncertain circumstances. Like kissing Jimin while caught in an unforeseen storm but Jeongguk let the current take him away. He slid his hands down Jimin’s back and grabbed onto his ass, the tight leather pants leaving nothing to the imagination and just as he squeezed the ample flesh a beautiful moan dripped from Jimin’s tongue that got swallowed right up by Jeongguk’s lips. Jimin was desperately pulling at Jeongguk’s hair as if he couldn’t get enough. Jeongguk detached his lips from Jimin’s as the smaller man whined but instantly calmed down as Jeongguk began kissing down his jaw, and then down to his throat, teething at the choker, as if to tear it away.

Jeongguk’s mind was begging him to stop, but something dark within him egged him on selfishly to leave a mark on Jimin. His mark. So that the next morning Jimin would get reminded of Jeongguk. And maybe every other morning after that. Somewhere between Jimin literally grinding onto Jeongguk’s thigh and Jeongguk pulling Jimin’s jacket down one shoulder, Jeongguk was hit with a sudden bout of clarity.

What the fuck was he doing?! He was enabling Jimin to cheat! Tomorrow when Jimin would wake up sober, he would hate himself for what he did. Hate Jeongguk. He’d be burdened by his actions from a drunken encounter with his ex-boyfriend and that would probably break Jimin. The usually kind, selfless Jimin. Jeongguk couldn’t do that to him. Couldn’t let Jimin spiral down in guilt. So he stopped abruptly and pulled back.

Jimin looked wrecked with pleasure, and there were even tears rolling down his eyes. But Jeongguk immediately widened the distance between them. Even though his heart tried to reach out. He had already done enough damage to a relationship. Jimin was no longer his to heal. Jimin opened his eyes in confusion, probably bothered by the sudden lack of intimacy.

“Gukie…?” he asked in his sweet voice, looking so dejected and hurt that Jeongguk wanted nothing more than to hold him and cry.

“I can’t, Jimin. I can’t do this. You’re not mine anymore. What… what we did was wrong. All sorts of wrong.” Jeongguk whispered, eyes downcast, the guilt coming to catch up with him.

Jimin took two steps forward to reach out to Jeongguk but Jeongguk immediately took two steps back. He couldn't. He couldn't do it. For the sake of Jimin, for his happiness. Which wasn’t with Jeongguk anymore. This must be Jimin being drunk and reckless, and as much as that thought hurt Jeongguk, it had to be just that.

“Jeongguk, listen, it’s not—” Jimin tried but Jeongguk cut him off.

“No. Jimin, please . Just, get back to Jackson Hyung. He… he must be looking for you.”

“Jeongguk will you just listen to me! I—”

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry! Tell Hyung I’m sorry too. I’ll never bother you guys again.” Jeongguk tuned Jimin out and manically shook his head and began walking backwards away from him. Even as he could see Jimin looking horrified and trying to reach out.

“Jeongguk, no, wait--!”

But Jeongguk didn't. He took one last look at Jimin’s, angry, hopeless but most of all endlessly hurt face and turned around, running full sprint colliding with bodies but uncaring, making his way towards the exit. He finally flung himself out into the night taking huge gulps of the fresh air. Looking behind like a furtive animal as if Jimin might follow him out. But Jimin didn’t. Jeongguk steadied his breaths, and texted Yoongi saying he wasn’t feeling too well and then he booked an uber which thankfully was just down the block. It took about 3 minutes for his ride to arrive.

Jeongguk got in and settled himself down. Resigning to a ride and night full of guilt, pain, acute heartbreak and worst of all, fresh memories of Jimin. Of his lips, his body, his touch, his gaze, his affections. It was all so confusing and it hurt so much.

Jeongguk rested his head against the cold glass of the cab window and cried himself all the way home, his quiet sniffles getting muffled over the loud blaring of some trashy pop song the driver was listening to.

Chapter Text

The pounding just kept getting progressively more insistent.

Jeongguk tossed and turned in agony. Mirages of black and red, brown eyes and soft lips, neon hues and love quivering in a corner. Breaking, crumbling, crying out . Jeongguk willed himself to wake up, to free himself from the clutches of this menacing vortex of an unreachable ache, but he just couldn’t.

The pounding didn’t cease, just aided in intensifying the pain. Which, Jeongguk realised, wasn’t just in his heart anymore but his head too. His head was splitting into two, viciously paining to not let him take even a breath in peace.

“Stop, please…” he murmured, pulling the pillow from underneath his head and putting it above his head instead, pressing down hard, as if that would somehow alleviate the discomfort.

Still the pounding didn’t stop.

Was that someone knocking at the door?

Jeongguk begrudgingly removed the soft pillow and blearily tried to open his eyes, blinking one eyelid and hissing as the bright sunlight instantly assaulted his senses. He registered his surroundings and sure enough someone was nearly banging the door down. He let out a trembling sigh and got up. Feeling more like a freshly transformed zombie than a human being. How much did he even drink last night? He whimpered pathetically as soon as he stood up on his two feet and his whole body protested. He shuffled towards the front door managing to not trip and fall flat on his face. The banging on the door was bordering on manic now and as soon as he opened it he came face to face with a highly agitated Yoongi.

“You, kid, are a fucking menace.” He snapped and shoved Jeongguk aside to enter the apartment only to whirl around at Jeongguk who was still dumbly standing facing the entrance with his hand on the door knob.

“Turn around, Jeon Jeongguk. You’ve got some explaining to do.” Yoongi ordered, leaving no room for any argument. Jeongguk sighed and bowed his head. Guess he had this coming. He turned around slowly, head still hanging low and not meeting eyes with Yoongi who he knew was extremely angry right now.

“Did you check your phone?” Yoongi asked in a calm voice but Jeongguk could understand the worry and anger hidden in his tone. Jeongguk merely shook his head.

“Twenty times. I called you twenty times only for it to go straight to voicemail. You sent that text with a hundred typos, something about feeling sick and fleeing the club without even taking your fucking coat. And when you were just not picking your calls, I was worried shitless that you got hit by a car once again or something. Elijah brought me here last night, because I just had to make sure you were okay. But guess what? You weren’t fucking home either! Care to explain? Explain to me what in the wide world is wrong with you? And do you even give a fuck at all about the fact that there are people in your life who actually care about your wellbeing?” Yoongi finished all in one breath with that same steely calm and without raising his voice one bit. But the words hit Jeongguk like whiplash and he hung his head all the more in shame.

He was ashamed of everything that he keeps doing wrong, for hurting people. For making Yoongi worry so much that he had never seen him lose it so badly. He did give the cab the address to his apartment last night but instead of getting inside he had made his way up the stairs and to the terrace to sit quietly as the city lights and sounds lulled him into a hypnotic introspection. Of all that he did during the night at the club. Of letting the wind take away his guilt, his burning love for Jimin and all the troubles that were currently feasting on his heart. Yoongi had probably come during then only to find the apartment locked. Jeongguk had descended down and stumbled into the apartment and into bed late at night, or maybe early morning, falling flat on his face on the bed and passing out. Only to be attacked in the morning by a ruthless hangover.

“I am sorry, Hyung. I’m really fucking sorry.” Jeongguk said in a quiet voice as he kept standing at the front door. Yoongi made a little noise of distress, clearly sensing Jeongguk’s extremely dishevelled state and walked closer to him and gently took his elbow to lead him towards the couch and make him sit. Then he walked to Jeongguk’s bedroom and after a few seconds emerged with an Advil and then moved towards the kitchen to get a glass of water. Armed with everything, he walked back to the couch and wordlessly handed Jeongguk the medicine and the water and Jeongguk obediently took them and then placed the glass on the table.

It was quiet for a few moments. Jeongguk was staring down at his hands on his lap and Yoongi was sitting beside him a little distance away. He could feel Yoongi’s sharp eyes observing him. Jeongguk knew Yoongi could see all the traces of a breakdown on his demeanour. The bags and darkness under his eyes and the glaze of his saddened irises.

“What is it, Guk? There is something clearly bothering you. Don’t think I didn’t notice that last night as well. You know you can tell Hyung anything, right?” Yoongi asked, this time in a much gentler tone.

Jeongguk took his time in contemplating whether he should just tell Yoongi the truth. The one that had been tormenting him for nearly a month now. He was tired of keeping it to himself since Namjoon and Seokjin were still away and honestly it probably would feel better to share it with someone other than his own overthinking self.

He took a deep breath and whispered, “It’s Jimin, Hyung. He… he’s engaged.” Jeongguk swallowed.

There was silence for a good few minutes where only their collective breaths and the ticking of Seokjin’s favourite cat clock on the kitchen counter could be heard. Jeongguk was wringing his palms together in anxiety. This was the first time he was sharing with someone the thing that had been plaguing him since nearly a month. After what seemed like hours but was probably a few long minutes, Yoongi spoke up,

“Bullshit.”

Jeongguk’s head snapped up. He looked at Yoongi only to find the man sporting the calmest expression, not a hint of shock or surprise at what seemingly should have been pretty big news. Jeongguk blinked a few times, unable to process Yoongi’s almost deadpan reaction to something that was tearing Jeongguk’s heart apart.

“W-what? What do you mean ‘bullshit’, Hyung?” he asked, stupefied.

“Exactly that, bullshit. I don’t buy it.” Yoongi shrugged.

Jeongguk bristled. He sat up straighter. He didn’t buy it? What does Yoongi know? He didn’t have to be witness to Jackson presenting Jimin with a ring. Didn’t have to be the one to watch Jimin dance the night away with Jackson. He turned towards Yoongi entirely to face him.

“You can’t just casually negate the truth, Hyung. Jimin is engaged. I saw it happen with my own eyes!” he exclaimed, the memories of that day at the hospital making it hard for him to control his emotions as well as his temper at his friend’s apparent nonchalance.

“You mean you saw the engagement happen?” Yoongi asked.

“Yes, I did.”

“You actually saw Jimin’s fiancé… I’m sorry, who’s this fiancé again?”

“Jackson Wang.”

“The doctor from his residency, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Hmm…” Yoongi hummed, thoughtfully. He gazed at the coffee table for a while and then looked up at Jeongguk again. “So, you saw Jackson Wang put a ring on Jimin’s finger?”

Jeongguk kind of flinched at Yoongi deliberately spelling out the action, something that Jeongguk was trying to forget about.

“Yes!” Jeongguk snapped.

Yoongi was undeterred, he asked again, “You actually saw him slip the fucking ring on his finger?”

Jeongguk stared at his friend in disbelief and anger. What was the point of all this interrogation? Jeongguk sprang up from the couch in irritation. But the more he processed Yoongi’s words, he realised that he actually hadn’t seen that very action. But that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. And Jeongguk hadn't waited to see the whole thing anyways. He was human after all. He couldn’t have stood to endure his love being someone else’s in front of his eyes.

“Well- I… no, I didn’t exactly see that. B-but, I saw Jackson showing him the ring. And… and…”

“And what?” Yoongi urged.

“And… Jimin was nodding. He… he hugged him.”

“So, it’s true. You didn’t actually see Jackson put on the ring.” Yoongi said it as a statement and nodded his head as if deciding for himself. He looked up at Jeongguk who was now standing in the middle of the room in a daze. “Did you even talk to Jimin?” Yoongi asked calmly.

Talk to Jimin. No, he hadn’t actually done that. But there wasn’t any need for that, was there? No matter what Yoongi says, Jeongguk was the one that day to see the joy in Jimin’s face, the sheer happiness that radiated from Jackson when he showed Jimin the ring. He sat back down on the couch with a sigh.

“There wasn’t anything to speak about.” He said quietly.

“Jeongguk, listen to me. I like to believe that I’m a good judge of character, because I’m not really the impulsive type. And from what I’ve seen of Jimin, I can tell you this much—that kid loves you. I have never really seen any kind of deceit in him. I don’t exactly know what the hell happened here, but what you needed to—still need to do, is fucking talk to him, Jeongguk. Even if he moved on with someone else, don’t you think you deserve closure? Don’t you think both of you deserve that much? For your sake, JK, talk to Jimin.”

Jeongguk knew deep down Yoongi was right. He had felt throughout this ordeal, this burning need to confront Jimin and ask why he did what he did. Demand answers from him. But he was also afraid of how he himself would deal with those answers and whether he would break down further than he already had. Maybe he really was a coward, but he had decided that it was better this way. Not knowing the moment that change overtook Jimin’s heart was better for him. And just holding on desperately to the happiness he had with Jimin before it all came tumbling down. So even though his friend made perfect sense, Jeongguk knew he wouldn’t really act on it. Because if Jimin was happy, then that’s all that really mattered to Jeongguk.

“I don’t know, Hyung. Perhaps it's too late.” Jeongguk said, watching a coffee stain at a corner of the carpet that Namjoon had spilled and had gotten a scolding from Seokjin for.

He heard Yoongi sigh from beside him. The man was no stranger to Jeongguk’s highly obstinate ways. When Jeongguk had set his mind on something, he could rarely be swayed.

“So you’re just gonna give up on the love of your life without a fucking fight?”

Jeongguk closed his eyes and clenched his fists. And then he slowly unclenched them and released his breath too, calming himself.

“It’s too late.” He repeated.

Yoongi left Jeongguk to his own devices after making sure he was alright and even insisting on staying back for a while. he knew there wasn’t anything else that he could do to change Jeongguk’s mind, so he left, hoping his stubborn friend would just communicate for once in his goddamn life.

It was five days later and Jeongguk found himself once again on an airplane to San Francisco armed with their camera and filming equipment and Noah for another wedding assignment. He was admittedly a little overwhelmed at having one so soon after the Malibu wedding but he guessed it was just proof how well their agency was doing. So, he took it in stride.

However, the very odd thing about the whole deal was Elijah suddenly dropping out of it when he was initially supposed to be the one going for this one, giving some vague excuse of having family work and assigning Jeongguk instead to deal with it. Jeongguk didn’t press him for any explanation because he was okay with taking up the work. But what he found intriguing was the request of anonymity by their clients. Elijah refused to let Jeongguk know who it was that they were going to be photographing and did not give any names of the bride or groom while handing Jeongguk their vision file. Jeongguk had asked why and if they were any type of celebrity or something because frankly, he was finding it quite absurd. But Elijah refused to comply, insisting that he’d get to know once he reaches there and that names weren’t to be mentioned prior. Jeongguk was bewildered and even a little annoyed, pinning it to the snooty attitude of the rich people.

They reached and checked into their hotel which was paid for, a comfortable affair overlooking a busy intersection. The wedding was the next day so after ordering some room service for dinner, in Noah’s room, Jeongguk wished him good night and retired to his own room for a night full of playing aimless games on his phone to distract himself and eventually fall into a dissatisfied sleep.

They reached the venue bright and early the next day, which was a fancy plaza and the wedding was supposed to take place in the garden, which worried Jeongguk a bit because ever since the morning, the sky hadn’t been the clearest of blues. They were received by a man who welcomed them and took their credentials confirming that they were indeed the hired photographers. He showed them the way around the place, and soon Noah and Jeongguk were left on their own to get their cameras ready because they were supposed to get a few shots of the guests and the place for the album before the main event.

It was when Noah was recording the band playing a slow song and Jeongguk was checking the images he took so far in his camera when someone clinked their champagne flute. Jeongguk was too engrossed to pay attention and kept checking the photos. Someone then shouted gleefully, “Looking good there, Wang!” and “What a fine groom!” followed by a few more hollers and cheers, that Jeongguk’s head whipped up.

No…

Jeongguk watched as the crowd parted from in front of him to reveal a round table with a few people sitting and laughing, looking up at the person who had clinked the champagne flute to draw attention. The groom. Jackson Wang…

Jackson was grinning widely holding the glass up in cheers as everyone else did the same. He was looking impeccable in a crisp black tuxedo, his black hair parted neatly away from his forehead, the picture of absolute perfection. Jeongguk’s grip on his camera faltered a bit. Was this really happening? Or was this some cruel dream scene taken from a bad romance novel?

“I know it's probably unconventional to toast now, but hell I’m getting married!” Jackson exclaimed laughing as he did, bouncing his flute and everyone cheered as they all took a sip.

Suddenly the dress shirt was a little too tight for Jeongguk and the air a little too thin. This was Jackson’s wedding. Jackson and Jimin’s . And he needed to escape the place right now before he did something stupid. He couldn’t possibly stand and watch the wedding happen in front of his very eyes. He saw with growing panic as people rearranged themselves in their seats preparing for the main event- the wedding. Jackson had disappeared, probably making his way over to the little elevated platform where the vows are to be exchanged. Jeongguk, despite himself, scanned the place frantically to spot Jimin. Jimin can’t see Jeongguk here. He absolutely can’t. Especially not after what they left behind that night at the club.

He can’t. He can’t. He can’t.

Jeongguk grasped his camera harder and looked for Noah who was already on his way towards the platform where Jeongguk now noticed Jackson was standing with someone fixing his tuxedo.

“Noah! Noah, hey!” Jeongguk jogged towards him.

Noah turned around with his recorder in hand and a smile in place. Noah was a self-proclaimed lover of weddings.

“Hey, is everything alright?” He asked.

“I can’t do this, Noah.” Jeongguk said almost breathlessly, his urge to escape growing by the second. Jimin should be here any minute.

Noah’s brows furrowed in concern.

“What? Why? Are you feeling okay?” He asked in worry.

“Yeah um—I, I just…j-just feeling a little light headed, So I—” but Jeongguk got cut off when he noticed someone else walking in and towards the seating arrangements.

Kim Taehyung. And with him was Jung Hoseok. And they were both looking resplendent in their sharp suits.

Jeongguk felt faint with anxiety. Neither of them should spot Jeongguk here. He didn’t have the strength to face anybody right now. The whole place seemed like a gilded cage and he, a cornered animal.

“Jeongguk, you’re scaring me here. What’s wrong man?” Noah asked, now in a much more serious voice. Jeongguk realised then that he had begun sweating a little. He didn’t know what he could possibly tell Noah. He couldn’t just leave him behind and flee, even though that’s what he felt like doing.

“No, I’m uh—” he got interrupted however by the soft tune beginning to be played by the band and he knew it was probably time. Because yes, there Jackson was, fixing his bow tie one last time and clasping his hands together in front of him, an eager and radiant smile gracing his lips, as he looked expectantly towards the other end of the aisle. Jeongguk swallowed hard only to find his throat had gone completely dry. As if in slow motion, and against his protesting heart, he turned around towards the aisle. Noah was still looking at him in concern but he whipped out his recorder, because no matter what, they were here on a job.

Jeongguk couldn’t move his eyes away even if he wanted to as he kept staring towards the end of the aisle, as did everyone, in anticipation. Light footsteps could be heard and Jeongguk closed his eyes for a bit. Because this is it. He could hear someone enter, and people’s collective gasps in awe and then he heard the happy sighs and whispers—“Ah, she looks so pretty!”, “Absolutely beautiful.”

Wait, what?

She?

Jeongguk opened his eyes. 

Instead of Jimin, the love of his life, a petite girl in a flowy white dress and veil, with her elbows linked with a tall man, who was probably her father, was walking slowly towards where Jackson was standing. Her smile dripped with love and joy. Jeongguk stared stupefied. And when his temporarily frozen brain began working again, recognition flashed through him suddenly.

This was the same girl from the club that day! The one who was dancing with Jimin and Jackson.

Jeongguk felt his entire world undergoing a paradigm shift. The month long agony, the immense heartbreak, the sleepless nights, all for nought. Just because Jeongguk was a fucking idiot . Just because he refused to open his mind and communicate, talk.

“Did you even talk to Jimin?”  Yoongi’s words came back to him. Because of course Jeongguk hadn't. He had shut himself out completely choosing to believe his own little fabricated heartbreak. Yoongi had faith in Jimin when Jeongguk himself didn’t, when he was the one who was supposed to have it. He had refused to listen, to clarify. He was the one responsible for bringing himself so much of unwarranted pain. If only he’d listen and not willingly choose to miscommunicate so massively.

But worst of all, he had hurt Jimin. All over again . As if his fuck up from three months ago wasn’t enough, this time he refused to trust Jimin. Refused to listen to him. He didn’t trust his love, ghosted him for weeks, didn’t meet up with him. The list went on and Jeongguk could progressively feel himself crumbling because of the injustice that he had meted out to Jimin. The horrors that he must have put him through. Jimin’s desperate cries to make Jeongguk stop four days ago at the club came back to Jeongguk. Everything came back to Jeongguk to haunt him, laugh at him. Point out to him, what a terrible person he was. Hurting those he loved the most because of his inability and adamant refusal to simply talk. Entertaining just his blind assumptions instead.

The girl was almost at the platform and Jeongguk turned around once again to face the platform where his eyes fell on Jackson who extended his hand and the girl took it, neither of their eyes leaving each other’s. Jeongguk was still having a hard time processing the mistake that he had made, when he saw someone standing a little way away behind Jackson.

Someone whose eyes were fixated directly at Jeongguk.

Jimin.

Jeongguk shifted his gaze from Jackson and his bride getting settled to exchange vows, towards that of the beautiful black-haired man, in an off-white tux, who had a little box in his grasp.

The ring. The fucking ring.

He was Jackson’s best man, not his fiancé.

But what shook Jeongguk to the core was the haunting look Jimin had in his eyes. And with that look in his eyes, he was staring at Jeongguk, unwavering. Uncaring of the ceremony. As if he already knew Jeongguk would be here. Jeongguk wanted to scream from here, regardless of what was going on, scream to tell Jimin he was sorry. That he knew, no number of apologies would be enough to alleviate what Jeongguk had done to him. To them, to their relationship. Jimin’s face was a blank canvas, nearly devoid of emotions. No tilt of the mouth, no twitch of the eyebrows. Except his eyes, which have always been expressive. His eyes looked like Jimin had a hard time drawing the veil of indifference over them. Still he kept looking at Jeongguk and Jeongguk wished his own face, his eyes, his expression were enough to convey to Jimin the massive turmoil that he was experiencing inside.

With extreme reluctance, Jeongguk averted his gaze because even though he wanted nothing more than to rush to Jimin, he did have a job to do. He focused his camera towards the ceremony still underway, unable to help but shift the focus of the equipment towards Jimin, who had finally looked away from Jeongguk and had his head hanging low, looking at his feet. Jeongguk’s heart broke all over again. Without realising, he snapped a picture of him. Deciding to take it for himself. Jimin suddenly whipped his head up and looked straight at the camera once again, as if he knew exactly what Jeongguk was doing. Brown eyes drowning in a thousand unspoken emotions all guarded by a steely fence. He looked for a few seconds, during which Jeongguk kept the camera’s and his own focus on him, and then he shifted his eyes and towards Jackson and his would-be wife again.

Jeongguk released a breath he didn’t know he was holding and resumed to get this over with.

The ceremony passed by in a blur during which Jeongguk saw Jimin steadily, but from a distance. He was obviously captured in the recordings and photos being so closely related to the groom but Jimin didn’t look at him anymore, not even once. Resolutely avoiding Jeongguk. Even Jackson had come and spoken with Jeongguk, happy that it was him that was documenting his special day. Jeongguk wanted to ask if he was the one who had wanted anonymity or was it his bride, but before he could do so, Jackson was ushered away by someone else. It doesn’t matter, Jeongguk guessed. Whatever it was, it was done.

However, as the day progressed, so did Jeongguk’s desperation. Jimin’s challenging stare haunting him every second that he was there, in the vicinity of the man who won’t grace him with anymore looks in his direction. Jeongguk had to speak with Jimin. He needed to speak with him. And even if Jimin decided to hate him forever, which was completely fair given what Jeongguk did, he still needed to apologise to Jimin for doing what he did. He needed to get it off his chest and needed to let Jimin know. He could never live with himself otherwise. At this point, he knew he didn’t deserve Jimin’s love anymore. He’d be lucky if he got an ounce of the man’s forgiveness.

When the day and the ceremony neared its end, Jeongguk searched for Jimin with a burning urgency. But Jimin was nowhere to be found. Maybe he left early. He excused himself from Noah requesting if he could take his own gear along with Noah’s and that he would meet up later with him at the hotel. He told him something urgent came up and Noah easily complied. Jeongguk searched for Jimin wildly through the crowd. He watched as Jackson and his wife, Emily, thanked the guests for coming. Jeongguk now remembered Emily was Jimin’s friend from the hospital who was supposed to come on his birthday and who Jeongguk now recalled having seen at the hospital when he was admitted. But in all of the revelry, the one person was missing that Jeongguk was nearly losing his mind to see.

“You.” Someone said and Jeongguk whirled around to come face to face with a livid Kim Taehyung.

“Taehyung, listen I—”

“You have some guts to entertain the idea that I would be willing to listen to you. When you clearly didn’t extend the same courtesy to Jimin.” Taehyung cut him off in a voice so cold that Jeongguk felt the chills in his system. He hung his head in shame because he deserved whatever it was that Taehyung was saying and had to say.

“I despised the fact that you were coming instead of the other photographer for the ceremony. But my stupid best friend had a point to prove, I guess. So Jackson Hyung and Emily agreed.”

Jeongguk blinked.

“J-Jimin asked for me instead of Elijah?” he asked in a scared whisper.

“He did. Since you ran away from him, once again , he saw no other way but to quite literally drag you here and make you see the truth. Even though you don’t deserve any attention or consideration from him.”

Jimin was the one who fixed the whole thing. He was the one who requested anonymity. Elijah’s odd last minute change up. It all made sense to Jeongguk right now.

He was still wondering how to articulate words when Taehyung spoke again.

“I warned you not to hurt him anymore, Jeongguk. Do you remember, do you?” he asked harshly.

Jeongguk nodded, “I want to speak to him, Taehyung.”

“Oh! Now you want to speak to him?” Taehyung scoffed, crossing his arms across his chest. Glaring at Jeongguk.

Jeongguk looked up, his eyes burning with the threat of tears.

“I fucked up, okay? I fucked up badly. Please, please give me this last chance to make things right Taehyung, please.”

“And why should I? Why should I even trust you? I did last time, only to have my best friend broken some more. By you!” Taehyung said, the accusation dripping from his voice.

Jeongguk swallowed and closed his eyes, composing himself.

“Because no matter what I did, I never stopped loving him, Tae. Whatever I did, it was all just--- I... I thought I was doing the right thing by letting him go. I just… I want to beg for his forgiveness even though I’ve no hope of getting it. I just need to do this, Taehyung. Please don’t take this away from me.” Jeongguk said, uncaring of how desperate he sounded.

Taehyung was quiet for a long time, probably weighing his options. The wait was excruciating, Jeongguk just wanted to run to Jimin. The sky was now darker than ever, and somewhere lightning struck. The murmurs of the guests fading as people retreated inside the building.

“Even though you haven’t earned it but I’m gonna tell you because I know my best friend is still hurting, and he needs this to perhaps be able to move on. So yes, I’m going to give you this last chance, Jeongguk. You should do well to remember that.” Taehyung said, his hands now in his pockets, eyes boring holes into Jeongguk’s. Then he sighed, “Jimin left. He’s at a hotel two blocks down the road on the right.” He said, almost defeatedly. And along with relief at finally knowing where to find Jimin, Jeongguk felt ashamed at breaking someone’s trust so badly that they literally felt so very hesitant to put faith on him again.

“Thank you, Taehyung. Just—yeah. I won’t fail you this time, I promise.”

“I can’t say I believe you, Jeongguk. Guess your actions will speak for you.” Taehyung said, much calmly now.

Jeongguk didn’t have much to say to that so with a little nod of his head, after Taehyung told the name of the hotel, Jeongguk was dashing off like a mad man. and as soon as he stepped foot outside the plaza, the skies opened and the downpour began, a glorious storm eager to drench the city in its wake.

Jeongguk began running, sparing absolutely no attention to his rapidly drenched body as he powered through the increasing winds and the vicious rain splashing his face and making it difficult to see. He ran with all he had, side stepping people on the curb with big umbrellas, not even bothering to apologise.

“I’m coming. I’m coming to you, Jimin.” he kept chanting. All his senses, focused, hyper aware and rushing headlong towards just one destination.

Jimin. 

Chapter Text

Jeongguk rushed through the revolving door of the hotel Jimin was staying at, ignoring the startled and bewildered looks thrown at his direction by the people gathered at the lobby who were all eyeing his drenched and dishevelled appearance, while most people were shaking water droplets from their umbrellas or raincoats. The weather was still merciless, pouring like crazy and the warmth inside the large spacious lobby of the hotel did provide the much-needed warmth to Jeongguk who was shivering from having gotten wet to the bones but also from sheer nerves and anxiety.

He bolted towards the elevators, almost running into an aged couple who nearly shrieked and Jeongguk hurriedly yelled an apology. Thankfully out of the three elevators, one was already on standby and he hurried inside hitting for the 9 th floor where Jimin was staying before anyone else could hog the compartment and delay Jeongguk any further. As the doors slid closed and the ascent began, Jeongguk took a moment to catch his breath. He leaned on the glass wall behind him and closed his eyes, feeling how the water droplets were sliding down his body in all places, how his clothes were beginning to sag with the added weight of the water and his shoes were all squeaky and disgustingly wet and uncomfortable.

Nothing mattered though, except the rapid pounding of his heart and the anticipation. The eerie silence of his mind at the prospect of uncertainty that he might be faced with. Not knowing where it’ll lead or if it’ll lead anywhere. But he just wanted to see Jimin, and unburden his heart. His fucked up, overthinking heart and give it to Jimin all over again to make or break, to do what he pleases with it. Because in all his years of existence, nobody, not a single soul had the power to render Jeongguk a helpless mess other than Park Jimin. It’s him and Jeongguk knows it’ll only ever be him, who could break his heart or send it to paradise, all in the blink of an eye, single handedly.  

The elevators dinged and the doors slid open, Jeongguk was about to rush outside when he realised it was the 6 th floor and someone had pressed the button to board. He made a noise of disapproval, his patience running dangerously thin every second that he was not spending with Jimin, apologising his throat dry. Unfortunately, the elderly man who entered the place glared at him having heard Jeongguk’s irritated noise and his frown deepened when he took in Jeongguk’s drenched form, muttering something about irresponsible young men dirtying public places with their bad behaviour. Jeongguk could obviously care less, busying himself by running his fingers through his wet hair and chewing viciously on his bottom lip.

The elevators dinged once again and this time it opened on the correct floor and Jeongguk very nearly flew out of it, hearing the man tsk-ing away in disapproval. The lift went on its way upwards and Jeongguk stood in front of it for a while, gathering his thoughts. He breathed deeply a couple times and then looked left and then right. Jimin was in room 9D as Taehyung had informed him, so after checking the alphabets he ran towards the left where 9D was. He reached the shiny white door with a faux golden handle for knocking and a slot for a key card. He stood in front of the door and stared hard at a spot on it, as if somehow his vision would acquire the capabilities of an Xray and he would be able to see what Jimin was doing inside.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I hope I’m able to convey to you just how sorry I am.” Jeongguk muttered to himself, with his eyes closed and head hanging low. He hoped that when he walked out of this door after everything, he’d be at least unburdened to a certain extent of his guilt. Bracing himself, he knocked on the door and held his breath. A few seconds passed but no noise could be heard from inside. He knocked again and after waiting for a while he still didn’t get any answer. He frowned. Was Jimin sleeping?  It didn’t seem likely. He placed his ears on the door but everything seemed dead silent inside. He looked up and pressed the bell instead. He could hear the shrill sound echo throughout the room. Did Jimin go out somewhere? Jeongguk could still hear the rain pouring in sheets, and also Taehyung told him that Jimin had left for the hotel. Where was he?

Worry began to grip Jeongguk slowly. Unlikely and unwelcome scenarios slowly taking shape in his head. Jimin looked terribly sombre at the wedding. He didn’t really dance and nor did he really eat. Jeongguk knew because he was recording everything and even if Jimin didn’t spare him a glance after the intense one thrown at him during the vows exchange, Jeongguk was watching Jimin like a hawk. He began to panic, wishing Jimin didn’t go out somewhere all alone in this weather. He bit hard on his bottom lip, wondering what to do. He knocked and rang the doorbell again only to be met with the steady silence.

“Fuck!” he exclaimed quietly, feeling frustrated. He looked up at the door again and began calling out, “Jimin? Jimin are you in there? It’s me, Jeongguk. Please open the door, baby.” The endearment slipped out unknowingly and when he was met with some more of the horrible resounding silence Jeongguk was sure that if he didn’t find Jimin soon, he’d lose his mind. He was already at the last threads of his patience and sanity when he made it all the way from the venue to Jimin’s hotel.

Realising he wouldn’t be finding his answers standing in front of the offending door, Jeongguk began speed walking towards the elevators once again, to maybe enquire if they’ve seen Jimin exit the hotel. The wind outside along with the rain was so loud that Jeongguk could hear it even from inside the enclosed space of the narrow hotel corridor. The long glass window at the end of each side of the corridor was constantly getting splattered with the rain, the outside a blur of silvery wet lines. Jeongguk entered the elevator and was about to hit for the ground floor, feeling heavy with worry and discomfort when a thought struck him. He stared dumbly at the numbers displayed on the inside of the compartment and after snapping out of his brief reverie, he pushed the button to the topmost floor, the 13 th , instead of the ground one. He waited with rising excitement but also apprehension as the elevator zoomed upwards.

If he knew Jimin at all, this wild guess would pay off. And he hoped to every deity that it would, because he knew that he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from breaking down and crying like a child if he didn’t find Jimin soon. He couldn’t take it anymore. The ache, the uncertainty, the sadness. He simply couldn’t.

The doors slid open and Jeongguk rushed out once again. He passed a hotel staff sliding along a trolley of essentials and even that person couldn’t help but throw a suspicious glance at Jeongguk who understood by now just how out of place and crazy he looked. Thankfully he wasn’t stopped by the woman and Jeongguk soon heard the elevators being used once again as the woman disappeared. Jeongguk made his way towards the stairwell and pushed the doors to enter. He stood at the top of the staircase that led towards all the lower floors and at the bottom of the last flight of stairs that leads upwards. Probably forbidden for guests or anyone really, except the maintenance staff.

The terrace.

Jeongguk looked up the few steps that led to a heavy metal door.  Jeongguk knew the fascination Jimin had with terraces. How could he not know when he shared his precious first kiss with Jimin on a terrace while the city celebrated Christmas?

“Jeonggukie, do you wanna go to the terrace for a while?”

Jeongguk could hear Jimin’s voice in his head from all those months ago. A little shy, a lot apprehensive. Jeongguk had already drowned deep in everything about the then red-haired guy and he knew he would’ve said yes to anything he asked for in a heartbeat. Ever since then, Jeongguk realised Jimin loved terraces. Loved the open space, loved being so high up that’s so typical of the city they both love. Loved the illusion of the sky being nearer. Jimin loved it. Jeongguk used to often find the window to the fire escape open at odd times of the day at their apartment and he would know instantly that his boyfriend had escaped to the terrace again. So as Jeongguk stared at the formidable looking metal door that quite literally barked off limits, he honestly just wanted to find the man he loves on the other side. Only his beautiful, impulsive, feisty and slightly crazy baby would be out in the open when it’s pouring from the sky.

But that’s just how mesmerising Jimin is.

Without wasting any more time Jeongguk took the last few steps to the final landing and only then did he notice the door slightly ajar, being kept so by a small brick. And relief flooded through him in waves. There wasn’t a doubt anymore that Jimin was there. He broke the rules, sure, but he knew that he had to be careful for the door to remain open. Because it was a one-sided lock thing. Hence the brick.

He pushed the door, instantly getting hit with the howling winds and raindrops smearing him in every exposed surface possible. He opened the door fully, uncaring of how his somewhat dried clothes instantly got wet once again. He bent down to adjust the brick carefully and then straightened himself. Running a hand down his face to get rid of the excess water. Eyes scanning the open expanse.

The whole place looked like a smudged watercolour painting, with blurred edges and hazy strokes. The rain slanting with the east wind, showering abundantly everything that’s in its way. 

And among the misty concrete paradise, Jeongguk’s tired and frantic eyes finally spotted Jimin.

He was still wearing the off-white tux from the wedding, and was currently resting his elbows on the railings at the edge of the terrace, leaning down slightly, his head tilted to the side a bit. Absolutely unbothered of the downpour that he was surrounded by. Jeongguk’s heart skipped a painful beat at the pensive form of the man, standing forlornly as if he had nobody to care for him. Nothing to look forward to. Jeongguk brushed his dripping hair out of his face and fixed his button up self-consciously, a little amused at the ridiculousness of the action. As if the situation demanded presentability of any sort.

He swallowed, and despite the water literally everywhere, his throat was a stark contrast-- very dry. Jimin was still unaware of his presence, fixedly standing in that one spot. So, after steeling himself a bit, Jeongguk began walking towards the man. He stopped a little distance away from him and finally called out, voice a little higher than usual to carry forward above the noise of the rain and wind.

“Jimin?”

The wind particularly picked up speed for a beat, drowning Jeongguk’s already high voice. Jimin was still oblivious so Jeongguk erased the bit of space between them and stood directly behind him, swallowing hard, tasting the rainwater that dripped incessantly from all over his being. He lifted his right hand, tentatively, extending and reaching out, until it landed on Jimin’s water-soaked tux. As soon as the contact was made Jimin visibly jumped, effectively removing Jeongguk’s hand. He began speaking even before turning around fully, head hanging low as he fixed his suit jacket— “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to trespass. I’ll just… Yeah, I’ll leave right away. I’m really—”

The moment Jimin looked up to see who it was that had called him, the words died in his throat and his eyes widened. And Jeongguk watched helplessly, how along with the recognition there also came panic in Jimin’s eyes.

“You—what—w-what are you doing here?” he asked, hugging himself tightly, with his arms wound around his slim body, as if suddenly registering the cold and the rain. Jeongguk took a second to take in Jimin’s breath-taking form. Water droplets dripping from his hair and face and down his neck like little translucent pearls, on a lazy journey. The drenched appearance lending an ethereal aura to the already beautiful man making him look almost untouchable. But Jimin’s eyes were so sad and defeated, that Jeongguk was at a loss. Questioning if he really did break Jimin.

“I—” Jeongguk fumbled.

The wind carried forward a harsh flash of rain, spraying the water sideways and Jimin seemed to emerge from his trance. Jeongguk watched in horror as Jimin removed himself from the railing and briskly began walking past Jeongguk.

“I can’t be here.”

“No! Jimin, wait, please—”

“I can’t be here, Jeongguk. It’s okay. I’m leaving before you can leave. Because that’s what you were gonna do anyways. That’s all you’ve been doing.” Jimin replied, walking towards the terrace door, clutching his suit jacket tightly around himself, his back to Jeongguk.

Jeongguk wanted to scream, to beg, to make Jimin just stop and listen to him, even though he knew he’d lost the right.

“JIMIN!” he yelled, channelling every single feeling that he’d been feeling. And perhaps it was the dire yearning in his voice that made Jimin halt in his tracks, because he did. He stopped and turned around, a wide eyed, surprised look all over his face, his palms balled up and held up to his chest. All the while the rain relentlessly poured on them.

“Jimin, please, please, please….” Jeongguk feverishly cried. And even though, what with so much water everywhere it was hard to distinguish which is which, he knew the slight warmth sliding down his cheeks were his own tears. The salty residue getting mixed with the acid of the rain.

“Jeongguk, I-I can’t do this anymore. Please understand. I won’t be able to take anymore of your rejections. Of you running away from me. Of you giving everything up. It hurts, Jeongguk, it fucking hurts. ” Jimin’s voice rose a few decibels towards the end and so did the break in his voice as he ran his fingers through his dripping black locks.

Jeongguk took a few steps towards Jimin, staggering and unsteady. His head hanging down in shame and guilt so heavy, he was barely coping.

“I know. I know, I know. I don’t deserve anything. I don’t… I just—I, Jimin…” Jeongguk was mentally cursing himself for not being able to form proper sentences. Of not getting the words out. That which he had ran all the way here for.

“I can’t do this Jeongguk.” Jimin said with blazing finality but before he could leave Jeongguk lunged forward and grabbed his wrists in a weak grip, the water making everything slippery and before he knew it, he had slid down, knees hitting the hard concrete floor, Jimin’s right wrist held in his left hand, his eyes looking up at Jimin’s panicked ones. Tears and rain blurring everything together.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, and Jimin heard him because his eyes softened ever so slightly, even though Jeongguk could see his guard was up.

Jeongguk crawled forward a bit, his knees grazing over the floor, hurting a bit through the course material of his black slacks, but he couldn’t care less. Jimin was unmoving and stiff. Jeongguk reached closer till Jimin’s tummy was in front of his face and without further thoughts he lifted his arms and wrapped them around Jimin’s waist, this time tightly, placing his head sideways on Jimin’s toned yet soft abdomen. Jeongguk felt it as Jimin took a sharp intake of breath and his stomach contracted, Jeongguk only held on tighter. Just letting himself have this, not knowing what Jimin’s verdict will be. After a few seconds he felt Jimin’s muscles relax and the breaths beginning to get even.

“Guk, please don’t—” Jimin’s voice was unsteady.

“I’m sorry, Jimin. No matter how many times I say this to you, it won’t undo all that I did to ruin what we had. I don’t—I, I can’t even form proper sentences right now but all I know is that I’m so sorry, baby…” Jeongguk lost his words once again.

Jimin’s hands were limply hanging from his sides. But he didn’t make any attempt to remove Jeongguk so he held on, enjoying the warmth of the man he was still so painfully in love with, despite the cold engulfing them more and more each second.

“You hurt me. You hurt me more than I’ve ever been hurt before. Yes, you don’t deserve anything, Jeon Jeongguk!” Jimin spoke and finally his voice held the angst that Jeongguk had already expected. He wrapped himself tighter around Jimin and splayed his palms on Jimin’s lower back, in hopes of providing small comfort but he could feel through Jimin’s belly that his breathing had begun to pick up once again.

“Jimin, I—”

“No shut up! You don’t get to speak now. You don’t get to waltz in to apologise to me. Why? Because now finally you’ve got visual proof that I wasn’t fucking engaged? Because my word wasn’t enough to you?  Hearing me out for two fucking minutes wasn’t an option, huh?!” Jimin was speaking loudly and his voice was going haywire getting carried away in all directions by the wind. Jeongguk only held him, keeping his mouth shut and eyes closed, the tears a steady stream. He knew this was coming, he welcomed it. 

“I, I had to do it. I had to ask Jackson Hyung for help to replace the other photographer who Hyung knew personally. I had kept track of what you had been d-doing, I knew you worked with their agency. I used to ask Namjoonie Hyung every now and then how you were doing.” He whispered, shivering slightly. Jeongguk just patiently heard him, still refusing to look at his face, feeling small and insignificant at hurting someone who clearly cared for him more than anyone ever could.

“Tae scolded me for trying to get you here, saying you weren’t worth it. B-but I had to. I had to let you know the truth because you wouldn’t fucking listen ! You wouldn’t. That day at the club when you ran away, that was my last straw. I just—I had to make you listen to me!” Jimin said with profound emotion and Jeongguk could finally feel the helplessness that Jimin must have felt at Jeongguk’s behaviour.

Suddenly Jeongguk felt two soft hands petting his wet locks and he froze. The touch so dear and loving yet so foreign, something that he hadn’t felt in ages and had resigned himself into thinking he’d never feel again.

Jimin was carding his small fingers through Jeongguk’s hair.

Jeongguk squeezed his eyes, wanting to curl into a ball and cry holding Jimin close. His arms were unrelentingly holding Jimin, clinging on for dear life.

“And all this for what? I sometimes wonder if this is all worth it, you know? But then I reverted back to the day when I met you on that bus and you said you’d taken the bus for a week straight in hopes of finding me. I remembered the sheer joy I’d felt when I found you again at Hyung’s bookshop and I realised that maybe it is worth it after all. Maybe we’re worth it. No matter the hurt you put me through, I couldn’t for the life of me, give you up, Jeongguk, I couldn’t. I guess I have just surrendered myself to the endless love I feel for you. I don’t know what else to do…” Jimin’s voice trailed off, he seemed as if he was speaking to himself, a quiet monologue, still automatically running his fingers through Jeongguk’s hair.

Jeongguk finally, finally looked up. He saw Jimin looking ahead in a daze, and despite the rain, Jeongguk understood that a part of the wetness of Jimin’s drenched face was from his own tears.

“Baby…” he choked out, holding himself together precariously from breaking down in pieces.

Jimin looked down at him, eyes a bit unfocused and then he smiled, the softest of smiles. A small, delicate curve of the lips.

“I love you, Jeongguk. I’m sorry but I couldn’t bring myself to hate you. I must be mad to do this to myself willingly. But I am too far gone to come back. Whatever you decide to do, I’m always going to love you.”

And Jeongguk finally broke down at the words. There was no way he would decide anything other than choosing to be with Park Jimin and treating him like a fucking Prince from here on out, giving the whole damn world, make up for all that hurt he put Jimin through for the rest of his life. But he wasn’t sure if Jimin deserved someone like Jeongguk.

He finally got up on wobbly knees, hurting a bit from kneeling for so long. Jimin was still looking at him with that soft gaze but which was laced with hopelessness and defeat.

“Jimin…my Jimin… What did I do to deserve you? You’re an angel and I d-don’t think I’m worth it, baby. But fuck I love you so much. I have loved you every single second that I wasn’t with you. It was agony n-not being able to hold you, kiss you, see your beautiful sleepy face first thing in the morning. Jimin I… I wasn’t living, not really. A-And even if you don’t take me back anymore, I’d still spend every day doing everything to make you feel better and try to undo all the shit that I did. I’m just—I’m so fucking sorry, love. I’m so sorry.” Jeongguk slurred, cupping Jimin’s face in a loose grip, giving him the chance to walk away if he wanted but Jimin didn't. He stood and heard Jeongguk spill his heart out.

“You still love me?” Jimin whispered, his eyes scanning every inch of Jeongguk’s face.

“I do, baby, I do. I never stopped. I can’t stop. Not now, not ever.” Jeongguk said earnestly, wishing and praying that his sincerity reaches Jimin.

“We still need to talk about everything.” Jimin said, leaning closer slowly, eyes now zeroing in on Jeongguk’s lips and subconsciously Jeongguk ran his tongue over his own bottom lip, tasting the rain water on his tongue as he found himself leaning in as well, heart beginning to pick up its pace.

“Yes, whatever you want, love.” Jeongguk whispered back and the term of endearment seemed to settle something in Jimin. His eyes shot upwards towards Jeongguk’s finding that they were already looking at him.

“Do you remember what you had wished from me that first Christmas we spent together?” Jimin asked, eyes all intense, with the raindrops dripping from his pretty eyelashes.

Jeongguk swallowed, because how could he not? That was where it all began.

He nodded and whispered back, “I asked you to kiss me.”

“I’m asking the same from you, right here, right now, Jeongguk. And it’s not Christmas, I know. But would you still give it to me?” Jimin spoke, the words ringing clearly and resonating through Jeongguk’s being, marvelling at the way Jimin laid himself bare, chose to be vulnerable despite everything and how could Jeongguk deny this man anything? He wouldn’t anymore. No more. Not when Jimin had the heart of gold that held so much love and compassion. Not when Jimin looked like an otherworldly entity in all his glory. His own rainbow amidst the rain.

He reverently ran his thumbs below Jimin’s eyes, his hold gentle and pure, rubbing the tears in vain as they were replaced with more water from the sky.

“I would never deny you anything ever again, my love.” And with that Jeongguk closed the gap between them as they finally enmeshed their lips in a languid acceptance of fate. Of the torrential turn of events that led them here to this very moment. Jimin’s lips still felt like home, still had that nostalgic sweetness to it and Jeongguk was a starved man. His heart was wildly beating in his chest and the slow burn of the kisses suddenly switched to a blazing ember as probably both of them realised at once, the time that had passed since they’ve done this. The kiss at the club not to be taken into account as that had been under the garb of a pretence. But this, this was real.

The rain gleefully soaked their already shrivelling and shivering forms but the warmth of their burning passion made it easy for them to overlook the situation. Jeongguk without another thought, placed his hands beneath Jimin’s thighs and hoisted him up as Jimin instantly wrapped his legs around his waist. All the while their lips remained faithfully locked, feverishly tracing each other’s mouths. Jimin moaned into the kiss as Jeongguk licked at the roof of his mouth and then lazily caressed his tongue with own. The noises Jimin was making paired with the rhythm of the rain was pure music to Jeongguk’s ears and he belatedly realised that this may just be how heaven sounded like.

Soon Jimin desperation became frantic as he pulled and tangled his fingers through Jeongguk’s hair, begging for something while seeking friction through his steady grinding on Jeongguk’s abdomen. And Jeongguk himself wasn’t any better. It had been positively ages since he had Jimin like this. And even though nothing was really sorted and they still had to talk things out, he didn’t think he could stop himself from loving Jimin. He wanted it. He needed it. And from the looks of it, Jimin did too. Their pain and heartbreak had left them bruised and hurt and perhaps this is what they both needed. Fiery and unchecked love.

Jeongguk broke the kiss for air, blinking rapidly to keep the water out of his eyes, only to find Jimin being an absolute vision in his arms above him. His cheeks flushed, eyes wild like the storm around them, hair a rainy mess and lips bruised and red like the setting sun and he was radiating longing and Jeongguk felt the familiar but dormant fuzzy warmth reignited in his tummy.

“J-Jimin… do you…”

“My room. Please, Jeongguk, please… Please don’t run away from me anymore. I n-need you…” Jimin said breathlessly, looking near tears once again in apprehension and agony. And Jeongguk only held him tighter, closer. He’d never make the same mistakes again.

“I won’t, baby, I won’t. I’m here. I’ll take care of you.” He surged forward to kiss some more, blindly making his way towards the exit of the terrace, and when they finally reached the landing they finally had to break apart. Jimin let out a small displeased whine, as he hid his face on the crook of Jeongguk’s shoulders, his arms tightly wound around Jeongguk’s neck, still being held up by him in his arms, refusing to come down and all along Jeongguk shushed him and assured him that he wasn’t leaving while Jimin clung to him like a small baby. Needing him, just as much as Jeongguk did.

The trip from the terrace to Jimin’s room was a blur of stumbled movements and trails of water that they left in their wake from their rendezvous in the rain. The moment Jimin’s white hotel door fell closed behind them and clicked shut, it didn’t take them more than a mere few seconds to transport their absolutely soaked bodies to the king-sized bed overlooking the San Francisco skyline.

Jimin still clinging onto Jeongguk and Jeongguk still unwilling to let go, but finally laying Jimin down on the white bedsheets, gingerly, as the covers beneath instantly seeped the water from their clothes, staining them dark. Jimin was looking at him with so much vulnerability yet with a hint of anxiety. With deep want but also a hidden uncertainty. And Jeongguk wanted nothing more than to erase all the hints of unease from his lover’s small, shivering form. He bent his face lower watching how Jimin’s eyes closed in anticipation, both their bodies rustling with the wet fabric but neither of them minded at all.

Jeongguk nosed along the pale expanse of Jimin’s neck, over his Adam’s apple which bobbed under his touch. He was feeling thrilled beyond words internally at getting to have Jimin like this again, in his arms, for him to take care. For him, and only him to watch as he came undone to the touch of his loving hands. His conscience quietly reminded him that all his demonic insecurities were a fabrication of his own brain and he was determined to make Jimin feel good, even if Jimin chose to have nothing to do with him anymore tomorrow, he decided to give his all to this man.

“What do you want? Tell me what you want, baby, I’ll give you anything.” He whispered, placing a soft kiss on the skin below Jimin’s ear only to hear the sweet quiet moan that left Jimin’s luscious lips. Jeongguk pulled his face up to watch Jimin slowly open his eyes, pupils blown and lips parted in a silent plea.

“You. Want you. Just… don’t leave me tonight. I won’t be able to take it. Not anymore. I know… I know this doesn’t solve anything and t-that we have a hell lot to talk about. But just for tonight, can we pretend to be madly in love and endlessly happy? Fuck, Jeongguk tell me you can give that to me. Please, Just—” Before Jimin could go on, Jeongguk captured his lips in a searing kiss, to convey the wild thrum of emotions that he was feeling.

He came apart and pecked Jimin’s lips between each word. “I’ll give…” kiss , “whatever…” kiss , “the hell you want, baby...” kiss . And then another longer kiss, and he could feel Jimin squeezing his eyes tightly shut, hands looped around Jeongguk’s neck and bringing him closer. Afraid of losing him again. But Jeongguk had vowed not to leave Jimin ever again. Unless being explicitly told to do so by the man himself.

They made quick work of their drenched clothes, throwing them haphazardly on the floor, until they were left only in their boxer briefs. The rain was still pouring down, as if determined to see everyone’s soul flooded with heaven’s water and in the sweet and sensual soundtrack of wild droplets getting smeared on the floor to ceiling windows of Jimin’s suite, Jeongguk made love to him with his whole heart.

Jimin was desperate when Jeongguk littered his lovely neck down to his chest in colours of red and purple, possessiveness flaring in him to mark Jimin. During all his false thoughts of Jimin being somebody else’s, all he’d wanted to do was pull Jimin back to his arms where he belonged. And perhaps even though that misunderstanding had been cleared, Jeongguk’s brain was still a bit paranoid in the midst of pleasure and so he littered Jimin’s pale skin with bites of love only to watch the mesmerizing image of a panting, breathless Jimin, crying for more.

By the time they were both entirely rid of their clothes and just the grinding of their aching members had stopped being enough, Jimin literally whined.

“Guk, p-please. I need you now. I need you inside me. Please, oh f-fuck …” he broke of into a wanton moan as Jeongguk caught up to him quick and was already circling a long finger around Jimin’s rim. In the midst of their feverish exchange Jimin had blabbered incoherently of some forgotten packet of lube somewhere in his overnight bag when Jeongguk had asked him about it and so the slide was as easy as ever and Jimin was deliciously tight. The sun had long set and the skies had turned a dark purple. And by the time Jimin was writhing with four of Jeongguk’s fingers steadily stretching him open, the night sky was a smoky grey in all its stormy, rainy glory.

“Enough, enough. I’m ready, I’m ready. Please…” Jimin breathed.

Jeongguk tenderly kissed Jimin’s forehead that was now dried up from their coupled body heat but was instead coated with a thin sheen of sweat. He placed another kiss on Jimin's cherry red lips wondering how much more beautiful could this man get and then he whispered, licking small stripes along Jimin’s jaw.

“Baby, I don’t have a condom, do you?”

Jimin gasped at the dual sensation of Jeongguk tongue now working around his nipples while his fingers hadn’t relented their work down there.

“Did—have you b-been with anyone else?” Jimin asked in a small whisper and Jeongguk's movements halted. He looked up to find Jimin looking at him, biting his lower lip, waiting for his answer.

“Of course, I haven’t. D-did you?” Jeongguk asked.

Even in the midst of passion, Jimin rolled his eyes and gave out a dry laugh.

“No, Jeongguk. I had a lot on my plate, dealing with a raging heartbreak and trying to convince my boyfriend that I am not an engaged man. I didn’t have time to indulge in promiscuity.”

Any other time Jeongguk would have snorted and teased Jimin for his sass, but now he only felt guilt and shame returning back to him instantly. But the warmth he felt at Jimin still calling him his boyfriend made him capture his lips in an ardent kiss, dragging his tongue with Jimin’s with all his love. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He murmured above Jimin’s lips, knowing that given the current circumstances, that’s the best he could do.

“Jeongguk, I need you to fuck me right now. We can exchange apologies and explanations later, but right now I need this. I need you. I can’t wait anymore, please .” Jimin clutched Jeongguk’s shoulders desperately. And Jeongguk pulled at Jimin’s bottom lip to toy with him some more, watching in delight the way Jimin’s eyes rolled in pleasure.

“How do you wanna do it?” he asked Jimin.

“C-can you hold me against the window? I- I wanna see the rain.” The words sent arousal flaring hot and wild throughout Jeongguk’s body. He always knew of Jimin’s strength kink and he had always been more than happy to deliver. So without further ado he scooped Jimin up by holding him under his thighs as the man squeaked in surprise but instantly wrapped his legs around Jeongguk, as he carried him off the bed and towards the windows, that were entirely blurry with the splatter of the relentless rain. Jimin cried out in pleasure as his back hit the cool glass and Jeongguk thrust inside him in one smooth glide. The droplets of water slid down the window pane in tandem with the sweat beads sliding down their passion-heated skin. Jeongguk set a steady rhythm of pulling in and out of Jimin, their collective moans of desire getting juxtaposed with the music of the rain, plunging them into their own little bubble. Jeongguk steadfastly carried Jimin, strong arms holding him around his waist and thighs as Jimin clung to Jeongguk around his shoulders for dear life.

As the culmination of their highs approached, their lips met a couple times in messy open-mouthed kisses that were more of them sharing the breath of air in between.

“God, I love you. I love you so fucking much, Jimin.” Jeongguk grunted, sucking at the sensitive skin behind Jimin’s ear, not letting up on his rhythm.

“I— fuck! I- I’ve always loved only you. I’ve only ever been yours. If—if only, ah … if only you’d have understood.” Jimin panted, trying his best to keep up with Jeongguk’s bruising intensity.

“Yeah? Tell me you’re mine again, Jimin-ah. Tell me you’re fucking mine.” Jeongguk growled, all semblance of sanity out of the metaphorical window and in the rain.

“I’m yours, fuck, Jeongguk . I’m yours, yours, yours.”

And it didn’t matter. Nothing else, no other complications or discussions mattered in that moment for Jeongguk. That was all that he needed to hear from Jimin’s lips, all that he’d been dying to hear since forever. He chased their release with renewed vigour as he licked a broad stripe over Jimin’s collarbones.

“Come for me then, my love.” He demanded, sucking into the hollow of Jimin’s throat, knowing the fall into pleasure was near for both of them.

Jimin cried out in cue and unfurled like a yarn of white wool, splattering both his and Jeongguk’s abdomen with his pleasure. Jeongguk thrust erratically a few more times and then he too was spilling inside Jimin. The moment that it was over he could feel Jimin go completely lax in his hold, burnt out and exhausted. His head fell down to Jeongguk’s shoulder and he was breathing deeply.

“Baby, hey… stay with me a while longer, yeah? Let’s get cleaned up, love. We need a hot shower, hm?” After the emotionally stressful day along with them getting drenched for a long time in the rain, Jeongguk knew he had to make Jimin take a shower before they went to bed. Jimin rubbed his tiny nose along the crook of Jeongguk’s neck and hummed, looping his arms tighter around Jeongguk and Jeongguk’s heart exploded with affection and fresh love. His arms were beginning to ache with overexertion but he refused to let Jimin down. So he carried both of them to the bathroom and once under the shower did he finally let Jimin down and turned on the water to a scalding hot degree, because God knew they needed it.

Jeongguk cleaned Jimin up as the other man silently stared at him. Neither of them spoke, too spent and tired for any kind of mindful conversation but Jeongguk knew that both of their minds were running a mile a minute. It didn’t matter right now to him. What mattered was that Jimin was here with him and Jeongguk had the privilege to take care of him once again.

After their shower he wrapped Jimin up in a fluffy bathrobe and wordlessly carried him bridal style, towards the bedroom again. Jimin didn’t protest, just continued with his silent observation. He placed Jimin on the edge of the bed and looked around for his bag that he had hastily discarded after extracting the bottle of lube because he was too needy that time to care for the bag’s placement. He found it at the edge of the sofa and went to retrieve it. He opened it and took out a faded grey oversized tee shirt but stopped short when he recognised it.

It was his.

He turned around towards Jimin, shirt in hand and eyes burning with the threat of tears.

Jimin smiled softly and shrugged a little, “I can’t sleep without your tee-shirt on.” He said simply. And Jeongguk bunched the shirt in his hands and took two long strides to the bed and held Jimin’s face in his hands to smother it in a million kisses, kissing away a few stray tears that had rolled down Jimin’s eyes. But Jimin was still smiling and even giggling faintly at Jeongguk’s unrelenting affection. When Jeongguk stopped and just stared at his beautiful eyes, face held between his palms, Jimin looked back at him just as deeply.

“I missed you. I missed you so much. So much.” He whispered. And Jeongguk didn’t hold back the tears that rolled down his own eyes at the words, he squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his lips to the crown of Jimin’s head, the teardrops wetting the hair there.

“I missed you too. You have no fucking idea just how much. It’s a miracle how I survived without you.” He whispered back, laying his right cheek on top of Jimin’s soft head of hair.

That night he went to sleep in a spare tee shirt of his own and held Jimin close to his body feeling like a piece of his soul had come back home, feeling the familiar warmth in front of his chest as he felt Jimin involuntarily curl and cling towards Jeongguk. As Jeongguk petted Jimin’s hair while Jimin slept in peace, he pressed a kiss of promise on his temple, vowing to never leave him again, no matter what happened tomorrow or after that. Even if Jimin decided to take a break, Jeongguk promised to always be there for the Black-haired beauty. There was nobody else in the world like his Jimin. He’d always known that, but the words drove home the hard way this time around.

Jeongguk woke up the next morning with a dull ache in his left arm and he frowned in his sleep wondering what it could be. He was so used to sleeping alone nowadays in his too large bed back at home with his hands and limbs spread out star-fished that he couldn’t understand the sudden restriction of movement. He blinked his eyes open slowly only to be taken in by surprise at the unfamiliar view in front of him. The floor to ceiling windows, the skyline of a different city. But as soon as he heard a quiet snore from beside him, every memory and emotion from the day before came flooding in. He turned his head towards his left and was met with a sight that, till this day, he hadn’t realised how much he had missed.

A sleepy Jimin. One of the very favourite versions of Jimin that Jeongguk adored. His heart expanded in pure fondness for the man currently nestled into his side and who was the reason for the numbness in his left arm because Jimin was using it as a pillow, clinging onto Jeongguk even in his sleep.

Jeongguk took the liberty to trace Jimin’s beautiful face with his eyes, bare and puffy but still the most exquisite. He ran his right index finger in a feather light motion throughout his face, as if his fingertips were a paintbrush and Jimin was his canvas. The sleepyhead seemed to enjoy the caress because a small content smile etched on Jimin’s plump lips and unable to help himself at the sheer adorability, Jeongguk leaned closer and placed a soft kiss on his lips and then one on his forehead, bringing his other hand to pull Jimin closer to himself. Willing himself not to cry. And wishing fervently that Jimin would find it in him to forgive him someday for what he did. And that they can go back to being the happy young lovers that they once used to be.

Jeongguk was basking in the soft slowness of the morning with the morning sun spraying them in a gentle glow from the now cornflower blue sky when the shrill sound of a phone shattered the delicate peace. Jeongguk cursed mentally for whoever it was that snatched away these precious few moments of closeness with Jimin that he had been so heavily deprived of all these months. Jimin’s citrus smell of home, the slender curves of his body that fit so perfectly in Jeongguk’s arms and just the feel of Jimin near him, every bit of it that he had been losing his mind over and which he wanted so desperately to cling onto for just a while longer, letting himself have this as Jimin slept, because his guilt was still very much present for him to fully enjoy Jimin’s presence when Jimin was awake, thinking he still didn’t deserve it.

And now someone had to ruin it.

Jeongguk realised it was Jimin’s phone that was ringing. Jimin stirred, removing his head a little and smacking his lips together cutely. But he was forced to open his eyes when the phone began ringing once again after having already rung fully once. He blinked his eyes and looked at Jeongguk, sleepy and sweet. And Jeongguk took the opportunity to peck his nose.

“Good morning, love.” He spoke softly.

Jimin yawned, still disregarding the offensive device, snuggling closer and nuzzling Jeongguk’s neck a bit. The action felt so familiar to Jeongguk, just like how Jimin used to do before, that he hugged Jimin tighter to himself, pressing kisses on the top of his head.

“Mornin’.” He murmured, voice croaky with sleep, as he finally detached from Jeongguk to stretch his body and wiggle his toes, groaning. When the phone went off for the third time, Jimin made a noise of frustration and reached towards his left on the bedside table where it was ringing. Jeongguk laid on his back and stared outside the window wondering how to broach the topic of The Talk that he knew was imminent now when Jimin sat up bolt upright.

“Shit!” he exclaimed.

Jeongguk turned sharply towards him too, sitting up and pulling the covers closer to his naked body. He placed a hand on Jimin’s back, clearly sensing his agitation for whatever he saw on his phone.

“Hey, you okay? What happened?”

Jimin was typing in top speed in his phone and then dialled a number and held the phone to his ear, biting his lower lip anxiously and running his free hand through his messy bed hair.

“No it’s just—” he got cut off as the call got connected, “Hi, Ruby? Yes, yes I’m sorry, no I was right here. Yeah? How is he?.... Fuck. Okay, um get the IVs started stat, and shift to the ICU immediately and run the tests that I had suggested before leaving. If you need anything else urgently contact Dr Han. Yes…. I’ll be catching an earlier flight… yes. Okay, monitor diligently. Yes, I’ll see you soon.” Jimin finished the call and then frantically typed something more. All the while Jeongguk patiently waited, running soothing hands up and down Jimin’s spine. It was clearly an emergency call.

Finally, Jimin locked his phone and plopped down on the bed, arms covering his forehead, frustrated. He stayed like that for a few seconds and then sat up again.

“My patient, Mr Robinson, I’d been monitoring him for blood pressure fluctuation for a few days now. He’s suddenly having an unexplained internal haemorrhage. He was doing perfectly fine day before when I left him, and fuck! Just when I’m not there. I just, shit I hope I am able to be there on time, I—” Jimin was pulling at the ends of his hair in anxiety and Jeongguk immediately smoothed his clenched fists away from gripping the hair and held them in his own hands, rubbing a thumb gently over his knuckles.

“Hey, hey, breathe. C’mon. That’s it. It’s okay, everything’s gonna be okay. There are other doctors on standby until you reach and they’ll do their best in the meantime, alright? Don’t worry so much. Did you book the earlier flight?” Jeongguk asked in a quiet, tender voice.

Jimin nodded, taking a few deep breaths. “Yeah, yeah. I was supposed to leave with Tae this evening. I booked the earliest available as of now. It’s at half past ten.” Jeongguk looked at the small clock ticking away on the other bedside table and which read quarter past 9. Jimin needed to pack up and leave right away because the hotel wasn’t very near to the airport.

Which effectively ruined his hopes of finally having a heart-to-heart with Jimin after their night of passion. But of course, Jimin’s responsibility and another person’s life was always the primary priority. It didn’t help though in the way Jeongguk’s heart broke at the shadow of uncertainty that once again loomed over them. Over Jeongguk.

He didn’t quite know what else to say, the air of awkwardness was still present between them and especially in Jeongguk. He couldn’t help feeling a strange emptiness in his chest knowing Jimin will leave soon. Even though his own flight back to NYC with Noah was around afternoon and the fact that both Jimin and him were going to the same city. But what if everything once again crumbles down when they go back? What if this opportunity he got to love Jimin was just a fleeting fever dream waiting to be shattered? Jeongguk shook his head a bit to dispel his dark thoughts because all this while they’ve been nothing but a demon ruining Jimin and his relationship.

He kept quiet and looked at their joined hands on his lap, thumb still running circles over Jimin’s knuckles.

“Guk.” Jimin whispered as if sensing Jeongguk’s turmoil and Jeongguk looked up at Jimin, swallowing the lump in his throat, trying his best to be strong. Jimin pulled his hands away from Jeongguk and he couldn’t help the little noise of hurt he felt at the action. But he was soon satiated when Jimin placed the same small hands on either side of Jeongguk’s face, gently cradling his jaw.

“Give me some time, Guk. To process everything. To… to familiarise myself with what we did, what you said, and what we should do. I have to leave now but… can—will you wait for me this time? Wait for me to come back to you? You have to give me your word Jeongguk, because whatever it is, I want you to communicate. I want you to tell me exactly what you think, what you are feeling. please…” Jimin said, looking with intent and earnestness into Jeongguk’s eyes and before Jimin could even finish speaking, Jeongguk found himself nodding fervently. He placed his own palms above’s Jimin’s and spoke, “I will, I promise you. I know you may have a hard time believing me right now but, I promise Minnie, I’m gonna wait. So you take all the time you need. All I’ll say is that I’m so sorry. So sorry for ruining what we had. But if you decide to have me again, I promise I’d give it my all to rebuild everything that we had and more, from scratch. I love you, Jimin. I’ve only ever loved you.” Jeongguk couldn’t control the way his voice broke at the end, and the tears spilled out. The weight of his feelings weighing heavy on him. He lowered his eyes as a few drops of tears escaped them.

“Oh baby…” Jimin murmured, thumbing away at Jeongguk’s wet cheeks and before he knew it, Jimin was leaning forward and was kissing Jeongguk, with a silent fervour, a slow burning ember that held the promise of flames, that spoke unsaid words that the love was still there, simmering somewhere underneath. And even though it hurt Jeongguk a lot that Jimin didn’t say the three words back to Jeongguk, having only said that yesterday when they were both highly vulnerable and their emotions ran high, he knew he couldn’t hold Jimin accountable for it. Jimin needed time to articulate his feelings once again. And Jeongguk was gonna give it to him. Jimin deserved everything.

Jeongguk helped Jimin pack in relative silence while he himself wore his own attire from yesterday that was disgustingly crumpled but had thankfully dried off. He knew he must look a sight in his unkempt appearance but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Jimin made a call to Taehyung, who even though was in the same hotel, had gone out to run some errands and informed him of the situation. Taehyung expressed his concern and said that he’ll drop by at the hospital first thing after he reaches back with their other colleagues from the hospital.

It was when Jimin and he were waiting at the curb in front of the hotel for Jimin’s uber to arrive that Jeongguk felt a deep sense of longing engulfing him. A desire to not let Jimin go or at least to go with him. To beg, to plead and to make Jimin take him back. He was fidgeting and shuffling his feet, thinking all these things but unable to convey them. Jimin was his own brand of anxiety as a few more calls came from the hospital updating about the patient’s condition and he was texting constantly to give guidance.

When the ride finally arrived, Jeongguk’s heart sank. Jimin pocketed his phone and slung his bag over his shoulders. Jeongguk was standing beside him with his hands clasped tightly in front of him, and face downturned staring at his shoes. He felt Jimin move till he was in front of him. And then he looked up to find Jimin smiling. They stared for a couple of seconds and then Jimin leaned forward to take his lips in a soft, fleeting kiss that almost made Jeongguk chase for more. Jimin rested their foreheads together and closed his eyes.

“I’ve only ever loved you too.” He spoke, ever so quietly. And then before Jeongguk could process the fact that Jimin did return his feelings even outside the cloud of high emotions and passion, Jimin was already moving away from and briskly walking towards the waiting taxi. Jeongguk stretched out his right hand as if to stop him only to halt midway and then slowly lowering it. He watched helplessly as Jimin got in and closed the door shut and then just as the vehicle began pulling away, he placed the tips of his fingers of his right hand to his lips in a chaste kiss and then waving it softly at Jeongguk. A sweet kiss goodbye.

And then the taxi picked speed and was gone. While Jeongguk kept standing, staring at the direction it disappeared to, as a single tear rolled down his cheek and the scent of citrus invaded his senses, reminding him of his love.

2 weeks later

There had been absolute radio silence from Jimin ever since Jeongguk saw him off in that goddamn taxicab. Jeongguk had returned that same day that Jimin left, by his afternoon flight. He had even met with Taehyung before leaving and told him what happened, even though he felt highly embarrassed to actually confess that instead of talking they succumbed to their carnal desires. But he did mention their little talk before Jimin left. Taehyung’s eyes were boring into him the whole time that Jeongguk spoke, as if waiting for a single fuck up, but hearing everything out he only sighed and patted Jeongguk’s shoulder.

“I’m happy you were honest with him, Jeongguk. And I'm glad to know that you’ll wait for him. Something tells me that my little brat of a best friend, can’t let you go. Won’t let you go. Jimin is too much of a devoted lover for life to let some misunderstanding take away the boy he couldn’t stop gushing about a year ago when he met you for the first time.” Taehyung had said and Jeongguk had been unable to help the tiny smile and the small flicker of hope that took him over at Taehyung’s words. Maybe… maybe he still had a chance.

But it was two weeks later and Jeongguk was nearly losing his mind. He had thought of sending Jimin a text multiple times, but refrained. Choosing to stand by his promise and resilience and wait . Wait for Jimin to come to him on his own accord. Even though everything in him was screaming to just go to Jimin and make sure he was alright. Waiting had never felt so excruciating.

On an off day from his work with Elijah and their Agency, Jeongguk had decided to go to Paper Tree to spend a quiet afternoon, something he hadn’t done in ages and something that he felt he needed right now. Some peace and quiet in his favourite book shop, to just sit and read, get his mind off things. And now that Namjoon was also back, he insisted Jeongguk visit all the more.

He was feeling a deep sense of longing and nostalgia because he was taking that infamous bus. The bus that had led him to Jimin. Everything felt so different yet everything held a stark sense of belonging too. He was pleasantly transported back to that day as the situations weren’t all that different. He was still sitting in his old seat, still had his earphones on and Queen playing too loud, his palms resting on his cheek and elbow on the windowsill.

The bus ride was quiet for the most part because it was the weekend and Jeongguk having been a regular weekend commuter for when he did his nanny job, knew that during those days mostly old ladies and a few youngsters availed the bus during that time. Today was no different. The bus hit a road bump, which too tugged at Jeongguk’s memory, knowing the route all too well and then slowed to a stop. But Jeongguk wasn’t paying attention, too busy in dwelling on old memories, wishing he could relive them again, as he listened to the music and eyed the scene outside.

Suddenly, the scent of summer invaded his senses. And he jolted upright, one earpiece falling out in his haste. The dejavu was so strong that his head was spinning.

 …smelt of summer, in the dead of winter...

His realisation from all those months ago, when he had first taken a whiff of what would be his favourite scent in the world. And now it was back again. Jeongguk was frozen in his seat, afraid to turn around or look anywhere lest his fantasy was broken.  He was so engrossed in his own quivering bubble of thought that he hadn’t even realised that one important factor. The road bump. The bus, stopping.

Jimin’s stop.

“You like Queen?” The familiar voice said, the voice he loved and was longing to hear more than anything.

He opened his eyes and turned to his left only to be met with Jimin, wearing an oversized white full-sleeved tee shirt and faded blue jeans. Smiling softly, holding the beam on the side of the seat for support as the bus had begun moving again.

“W-what?” Jeongguk asked dumbly.

“You play your music really loud.” Jimin said, eyes shining.

And there it was. The entire repeat of their first meeting. Jimin saying the exact same words. Looking as beautiful as ever. But yet nothing was the same anymore. Jeongguk kept staring in a daze as Jimin sat down beside him on the empty seat, looking ahead now. And Jeongguk took a beat to observe him from up close. He was worried to notice that there were dark circles around Jimin’s eyes and even though his eyes shone with affection when he looked at Jeongguk, they were a little hollow and a lot sad. Like Jimin had recently experienced something traumatic.

For the first few minutes, none of them spoke. The music was still playing from Jeongguk’s earphones, creating a muted background noise as it lay dangling from around his neck. The bus was moving particularly slow, lazing through the afternoon traffic. And jimin looked steadfastly ahead, as if steeling himself. Jeongguk gave him time, just quietly observing Jimin’s profile, and how despite looking seemingly normal, he kind of wasn’t. There was some sadness underlying him because Jeongguk knew all too well to read his Jimin.

After what seemed like an eternity but was probably ten whole minutes or so Jimin broke the silence between them.

“My patient, Mr Robinson, he—” Jimin closed his eyes for a second and swallowed, “he passed away.” he finished, looking down at his lap now, entwining his own fingers together.

Jeongguk remembered this was the very man for whom Jimin had to leave early from San Francisco. He was at a loss. It must have been devastating for Jimin since he was handling his case. Jeongguk wordlessly extended his left hand and unclasped Jimin’s own hands from each other and instead entwined Jimin’s right hand with his left.

“I’m so sorry.” He offered quietly, understanding that Jimin had more to say.

“It’s—it’s the first time that someone I was looking after, died. I couldn’t… couldn’t save him. I tried everything but his state had already deteriorated so rapidly that… I just couldn’t do anything. And I feel so responsible. I feel like I could’ve done better, taken care of him better. He was only fifty. I just—I couldn’t, Guk, I couldn’t—” Jimin trailed off and squeezed Jeongguk’s hand tighter as he quietly began to sob. Jeongguk immediately unclasped his hand and instead threw his arms around Jimin’s shoulders and pulled him closer to his body, and wrapped his other arm over his front. Entirely hugging him as best he could from the seated position.

“Sssh… it’s okay…it wasn’t your fault, baby. You did your best. You always do your best. You always give your all to everyone who is lucky enough to be taken care of by you. It was inevitable. And you know this comes with the job, don’t you, love? Don’t blame yourself, sssh…” Jeongguk murmured quietly, his voice carrying above the noise from the streets outside and the dull chatter of the other passengers in the bus. He rocked Jimin back and forth soothingly while Jimin hid his face in his shoulders, sobbing pitifully while Jeongguk’s heart broke to imagine the helplessness that Jimin must have felt.

Finally, Jimin’s sobs quieted and he sniffled a few times, rubbing his eyes with the back of his tee shirt sleeves that were as usual longer than necessary and gave him paws. He detached himself from Jeongguk’s shoulder, but didn’t move away and neither did Jeongguk relinquish his hold on him. Jeongguk patiently waited until Jimin began speaking again.

“He… he had a wife. They were divorced. And like, when he realised towards the end that he—he wasn’t gonna make it… he was asking for her. Wishing to see her one last time. I kept trying to scold him saying that he would get to see her when he’d get discharged but he knew . Knew that he wouldn’t make it out alive. So…I contacted the woman and she… well, she refused to come saying she had nothing to do with him anymore. I was so taken aback, Jeongguk, I—I couldn’t tell him the truth. I simply couldn’t. Made up some bullshit about her phone being unavailable. And Derek—Mr Robinson, he was so sad. His eyes lost that hope, Guk. He resigned to his fate.” Jimin's eyes had once again filled with tears and Jeongguk himself found it hard to keep his composure. He ran his palms up and down Jimin’s arms, silently supporting him through his heart-breaking story.

“It made me realise something. That life is so fucking fleeting and it doesn’t matter. All these quarrels, misunderstandings, anger. None of it fucking matters. If at the end of the day you don’t get to see or be with the person you love. If you carry that constant pain in your heart that… that the one you love isn’t with you and you wanna be where they are. Desperately.”

Jeongguk’s heart was beating wildly the more Jimin confessed these raw, vulnerable things. He pressed a few loving kisses on the top of Jimin’s head, and Jimin seemed to appreciate that, as he nuzzled Jeongguk’s chin needily.

“I c-called Namjoon Hyung to ask about you. He told me you’d be taking this bus today and I almost laughed at this little full circle moment of ours. And I thought why not? Why not ask you to come back to me in the very same way that fate brought us together? Because Jeongguk, I still am madly in love with you. And I know you made mistakes, I made mistakes, but if we love each other, we’d navigate this shit together from here on out. No more holding things back, total transparency, yeah?”

Jeongguk didn’t stop the tears of relief, joy, and unimaginable love from rolling down his cheeks as he pressed more kisses to Jimin’s temple this time, as he nodded vehemently, still letting Jimin speak, holding him closer than ever.

“Because I’m tired, Guk. I’m fucking tired of staying away from you. It isn’t worth it when all I have wished every second was that you were with me again. because if I were to die, I want it to be with your face etched in my heart as my last memory. I don’t wanna be another Mr Robinson who left this world with a gaping emptiness. I don’t want that, I don’t—” Jeongguk shushed Jimin by fully hugging him, his hold almost bruising but neither of them minded. Nor the fact that they were openly being so emotional.

“I want whatever you want, baby. I promise to right my wrongs. I fucking promise you, Jimin, I won’t let you down. I will try my best to not repeat my mistakes. I’ll treat you the way you deserve, because I’m tired too. Tired of not waking up next to you, not holding you, not kissing you, not loving you. It’s hell. I fucking need you to breathe.” Jeongguk spoke, voice muffled in Jimin's shoulders, still hugging him as Jimin was now running his palms up and down Jeongguk’s back.

“Yeah?” Jimin said, his voice watery.

“Yeah.” Jeongguk replied.

They finally detached from their embrace and Jeongguk just went for it. He cradled Jimin’s face reverently and kissed him with every ounce of sincerity tasting the saltiness of their tears as they mingled in their cheeks. This was home, familiar, warm, comforting, safe.

Jimin was home.

“I love you so much. Never fucking run away from me again, you asshole.” Jimin scolded, eyes shining with renewed love letting out a sweet, watery laugh.

Jeongguk pecked his lips several times, unable to help himself. And then his nose and forehead and cheeks too.

“Never, never. I love you too. I love you, I love you, I love you.” Jeongguk said.

They basked in the aftermath of their emotional reconciliation until suddenly Jimin let out a tiny giggle, their foreheads touching and Jeongguk still holding Jimin’s small face.

“What is it?” Jeongguk asked, smiling, amused.

“You play your music really loud. Like really loud.” Jimin said, giggling more now and sure enough Freddie Mercury’s high pitched voice went into a passionate crescendo that was probably heard from a seat in front.

Jeongguk sheepishly turned the volume down a bit and then on a second thought held out one of the earpieces towards Jimin.

“We still have two stops to go, how about some karaoke?” Jeongguk wiggled the wire, his eyebrows arched.

“Jeongguk! We’re in public!” Jimin exclaimed, scandalised.

Jeongguk shrugged, “There are only grandmas now, I’m sure they would find it entertaining to hear music from their era.” Jeongguk said, referring to the 70s genre of Queen.

Jimin’s eyes shone with mischief and Jeongguk saw the glimpse of the old Jimin, the Redhead that he fell in love with, the one who was full of life and joie de vivre. And Jeongguk felt so endeared and exuberantly happy that he leant forward and kissed Jimin’s cheeks with a wet smack and then nosed the chubbiness of his soft cheeks, feeling in love all over again.

Jimin giggled happily and accepted the earpiece, but before putting it in he leaned forward and kissed Jeongguk affectionately on the lips.

“I’m so happy.” He said smiling the smile that had his eyes turn into beautiful little crescents.

“Me too, baby, me too.” Jeongguk smiled back.

They placed their earphones in and Jeongguk changed the song to one that was both their favourites. Jimin smiled brightly as Jeongguk hit play and Jeongguk wanted to commit this joyful countenance of the man he loved and tuck it away permanently in his heart and mind, to play again and again on a rainy day because this was it, Jimin was it. And then they both began singing as the elderly passengers threw them looks. First, annoyed, at the shenanigans of the youngsters these days who have no regard for public places but the annoyance quickly gave way to fond smiles at the recollection of their own memories about a song from a bygone era.

“This thing called love

I just can’t handle it

This thing called love

I must get round to it

I ain’t ready

Crazy little thing called love…”