fool me, fool me

jonathan sims: Remember when you said you’d do anything for me? Like, you meant it as a joke and you were sloshed out of your mind and i get that but you did say it? did you mean that?
gdelano: uh
gdelano: ...what happened?
jonathan sims: A LOT :(

Notes:

i wrote this for fun and to be funny lets go jongerry supremacy

Chapter 1: dear, i fear

Chapter Text

TUES 17:58 PM

jonathan sims & gdelano message history:

jonathan sims: Gerry.

gdelano: hello to u too

jonathan sims: I need to ask you something.

gdelano: this is so ominous lol

jonathan sims: remember that one time when you said you’d do anything for me? like, you meant it as a joke and you were sloshed out of your mind and i get that but you did say it? did you mean that?

gdelano: uh

gdelano: ...what happened?

jonathan sims: A LOT :(

gdelano: shit jon, are you safe rn??

jonathan sims: yes yes im safe i just need your help with something at work

gdelano: and you couldn’t ask georgie?

jonathan sims: not really uh

gdelano: do you just need me to stand around and look intimidating? if someone said smth shitty to you im def willing to do that

jonathan sims: uhhhhhh

gdelano: ?

jonathan sims: its sort of the opposite really

gdelano: oh you said something shitty

jonathan sims: NO

jonathan sims: well okay like

jonathan sims: kind of

gdelano: ha

jonathan sims: shut up

gdelano: hahahahaha

jonathan sims: shut up shut up shut up

gdelano: why

jonathan sims: LET ME EXPLAIN!

jonathan sims: gerry?

jonathan sims: you there?

gdelano: sorry i had to take a minute. told the dog how stupid u are

jonathan sims: fuck off

gdelano: well? explain then

jonathan sims: okay uhhhhhh

jonathan sims: this is embarrassing

gdelano: im sure

jonathan sims: so i just need your permission to lie about something really. just to make sure

gdelano: and what are u lying abt?

jonathan sims: uhhhhhhhhhh

jonathan sims: right so

jonathan sims: i’ll try to be brief

jonathan sims: so my coworkers are very nice people. not up for debate theyre very pleasant you know? sasha is a great head archivist and shes a good boss and very smart. martin is there. tim is also smart and hes friendly and he thinks hes so much funnier than he actually is. its all great. so great. so anyway! we’re all in the break room right? eating food. thats what people do in breakrooms and we are doing this. completely normal, all four of us, having a conversation. and i wasnt really talking but thats only because i had a sandwich to worry about. no other reason! so tim and martin and sasha are having a conversation and im getting breadcrumbs on myself basically and thats NORMAL. so they start talking about music, martin is giving his little recommendations and theyre NOT GOOD. ive never heard of halsey. and tim says something about one of these artists you couldnt pay me to recognize being gay culture. he says queen princess or whomever is gay culture

jonathan sims: and gerry. gerry it is so important that you know that i am NOT out at work. sweater vest goes on and the pride pins come off and i do a humiliating walk of shame down to the archives every morning. so tim says this and obviously im going to scoff about it because i have taste beyond watered-down pop music for white people and martin and i guess i was louder than i thought because everyone went silent and stared at me

gdelano: this is not brief

jonathan sims: and tim said “what? got a problem with that?” and im an idiot so i assume hes talking about MUSIC TASTE. i raise an eyebrow. sasha is glaring now and martin starts looking at the door and im thinking “wow alright these people have never listened to nine inch nails thats so embarrassing for them” and then tim goes “what?” and i go “not everything obnoxious is gay culture” and then i shut up and dont say any more because my mouth is full of sandwich and i dont talk with my mouth full like some kind of freak. so its silent for a second. and then martin gets up and LEAVES. HE LEAVES THE BREAKROOM.

gdelano: oh my god

jonathan sims: this was YESTERDAY. and i spent all of today getting the evil eye from sasha and tim, who think im homophobic

gdelano: oh my godddd

jonathan sims: and i need to tell them something to change their minds. and if i just come out to them randomly, they might think its a joke. and so i thought “well jon you’ve been with men! youve had plenty of boyfriends (which is to say one. one boyfriend)!” so my idea is that i lie and casually mention i have a boyfriend currently so they realize they misunderstood me and it all goes back to normal

gdelano: and i am that boyfriend

jonathan sims: YES i just wanted your permission before i lied about it and mentioned you. its fine if you say no, you can think about it for as long as you need

gdelano: give me a minute

jonathan sims: of course

gdelano: …

gdelano: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

jonathan sims: :(

gdelano: you’d rather lie your arse off than apologize to someone for being a weird little music elitist LMAOOOO

jonathan sims: >:(

gdelano: this is incredibly funny

gdelano: which is to that say that yes you have my blessing. lie away

jonathan sims: thank god

jonathan sims: and don't worry, you won't have to do anything. i’ll just lie once and everyone will let it blow over

gdelano: sick

gdelano: so

gdelano: which one of my nudes do u want for ur phone background

jonathan sims: gross

WED 8:30 AM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

sarchivist: tim, you almost here? martin and i didn’t show up early just to wait around for you

tiiim: no lol

sarchivist: i could have you fired, honestly

tiiim: you wouldnttttt ;)

sarchivist: unfortunately

mkblackwood: maybe sasha couldnt, but a few complaints filed by a coworker might do the trick

tiiim: nooooo

mkblackwood: a few notes to HR, maybe

tiiim: all for little old me?

mkblackwood: lol

tiiim: but srsly thats what you should be doing to jon

sarchivist: ^^

mkblackwood: guys, come on

mkblackwood: honestly we don’t KNOW that he meant it that way!

tiiim: oh i think we do

mkblackwood: maybe he doesnt like my music taste! maybe he thinks something else is gay culture!

sarchivist: martin i would have agreed with you, except for the last bit he said

sarchivist: “not everything obnoxious is gay” i mean, come on! thats hostile, we all felt it. even if hes the type of straight person who doesn't understand why that would be offensive, it doesn’t make it okay.

mkblackwood: idk maybe hes just a dick! we dont know that hes straight!

tiiim: if he wasnt he wouldve realized what he said

tiiim: and he wouldnt have spent a day moping around and not talking to any of us

mkblackwood: i guess

mkblackwood: sucks because i thought he was cute :(

sarchivist: :(

tiiim: tragic

WED 8:59 AM

jonathan sims & georgie! message history:

jonathan sims: georgie, i’ve decided

georgie!: oh thats great!

georgie!: btw what the hell are you talking about?

jonathan sims: i've decided that i'm just going to apologize to martin

jonathan sims: i think the only real way to clear the air is to be honest with him and tell him what i was thinking

georgie!: sure? this sounds good

jonathan sims: i’m still going to lie about the boyfriend thing though

jonathan sims: just in case

georgie!: i see

jonathan sims: thank you georgie, this was very helpful

georgie!: okay i guess

georgie!: still don’t know what's going on

georgie!: man

9:03 AM

georgie! and gdelano messaging history:

georgie!: hey gerry?

gdelano: oh my god i’ve been waiting to tell u what he did its so fucking funny

georgie!: ah

Chapter 2: facing a problem

Summary:

mkblackwood: What

Notes:

to me, s1 jon is a little harlequin who causes problems :)

Chapter Text

WED 9:03

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

sarchivist: he’s here

mkblackwood: tim?

mkblackwood: oh nvm jon just walked in

tiiim: 3 minutes late, jon? embarrassing

sarchivist: really, he should take after your shining example

sarchivist: tim stoker: never been late a day in his life

tiiim: obviously

tiiim: by the way i just headed out, should be there in an hour

sarchivist: coming in early today, i see

mkblackwood: hey guys? can we direct our attention to jon for a second?

tiiim: has he sat down? is he glaring at you lol

mkblackwood: no he's not making any eye contact… looking down at something

mkblackwood: can’t really see it, but i think he’s on his phone?

mkblackwood: what’s he doing ?

sarchivist: sweating

sarchivist: shaking like a leaf

mkblackwood: no i meant on the phone. he's just… staring? making a weird face?

tiiim: prob just googled “gay people”

tiiim: “gay people real?”

sarchivist: hes on webmd looking for a cure <3

mkblackwood: CLOSE ENOUGH. HE TEXTED ME?

sarchivist: holy shit

sarchivist: i wish i could be looking over your shoulder right now. god dammit send screenshots

tiiim: lol sasha in her head archivist office. locked in her little prison

sarchivist: been here since the day started like YOU should've been

tiiim: gonna fire me about it, then?

mkblackwood: GUYS…

mkblackwood: [screenshot.png]

mkblackwood: um

sarchivist: huh

WED 9:07

jonathan sims & mkblackwood message history:

jonathan sims: Martin

mkblackwood: Hi Jon! Did you need something?

jonathan sims: Yes, I need to apologize

WED 9:07

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

tiiim: oh?

sarchivist: good! that's good!

tiiim: unless he’s got a shit apology

tiiim: a real “i'm sorry you felt that way”

sarchivist: a good old “i didnt mean it like that, i have a gay friend”

tiiim: now you're getting it

mkblackwood: he looks so upset…

mkblackwood: maybe he feels bad?

sarchivist: hopefully!

mkblackwood: he's been typing for So Long

mkblackwood: [screenshot.png]

WED 9:10 AM

jonathan sims & mkblackwood message history:

jonathan sims: It’s about what I said the other day. I want to apologize. I didn’t know you were gay. Or maybe you aren’t gay, and Tim is gay because Tim is the one who made the joke. Anyone could be gay and I don’t judge or know because I don’t know anything. I’m so sorry. I don’t know who Panic At The Disco is. How could it be gay culture, if I personally have never heard of it? That was presumptuous. I’m so sorry. It all comes down to what one would define as “gay culture”, doesn’t it? What defines culture, even? I’ve spent the past four minutes considering this in great detail, and I have decided that the variations within a subculture are too numerous and fluid to truly define. I don’t listen to songs. I do, I just lied and I’m sorry. But I don’t listen to the songs you listen to. Personally, I think the songs you listen to aren’t good and I don’t like them. But that’s okay because I know for a fact that you would not like any of the media I tend to consume on a regular basis. In fact, we know very little about each other. I think we may be completely different people. Back to the issue at hand, I didn’t mean it like that. I am so sorry. Also it is important to note that I was eating a sandwich at the time. It was a great sandwich, required chewing and swallowing and all the like. I believe I did not express myself clearly because I was multitasking between conversing and eating. I said very little because I try not to talk with my mouth full because that’s disgusting. Also, I don’t think you’re disgusting. Or Tim. Or Sasha. I shouldn’t have eaten that sandwich I am so sorry.

jonathan sims: Also I have a boyfriend.

mkblackwood: What

WED 9:19 AM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

mkblackwood: WHAT IS THISSSS

tiiim: yeah i’m not reading all that

tiiim: hey boss what’s it say?

sarchivist: he apologized five times and none of them were for the right reason…

mkblackwood: “i shouldn’t have eaten that sandwich I am so sorry” what the hell. literally what the hell

mkblackwood: i can’t tell if he's joking, i really can’t

sarchivist: look at him, he looks so freaked out

sarchivist: is he smiling or grimacing? no idea

tiiim: so it’s got to be a joke then

tiiim: wait actually now i want to look at it

mkblackwood: it reads like he had a panic attack as he typed

sarchivist: this is almost funny. it’s also a shit apology

sarchivist: honestly, martin? i’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. if you’d like, i could try to have him moved back to research for another assistant. if jon can’t realize what he did wrong and apologize to you, you shouldn’t have to be around him all day.

mkblackwood: omg no sasha it’s fine!

mkblackwood: i’m a bit annoyed to be fair, because it seems like he didn’t make much of an effort to actually take the blame but also? i’ve heard so much worse from so many other people that it doesn’t bother me much

mkblackwood: and i have you two! you’re great friends :)

sarchivist: awww martin :)

tiiim: guys. what about the boyfriend?

sarchivist: shit, right. does he actually?

mkblackwood: ...no idea

mkblackwood: he’s never mentioned a boyfriend? but he also doesn’t talk much about his personal life so maybe??

sarchivist: i mean, if he has a boyfriend we could probably conclude that he’s not homophobic at the very least

sarchivist: rude, but not homophobic

tiiim: right but what if he’s just saying that so he’ll be off the hook?

tiiim: like, he knows his apology was shit but if we think he’s not straight then we’ll chalk it up to misunderstanding

mkblackwood: i mean. that’s kind of ridiculous, no offense tim

sarchivist: only one way to find out. ask about the boyfriend!

mkblackwood: ok ok i’m asking

WED 9:22

jonathan sims & mx.mel message history:

jonathan sims: melanie, i’ve made a mistake :(

mx.mel: what else is new

jonathan sims: you can insult me later, i need your help

mx.mel: yeah? what’d you do

jonathan sims: so i was apologizing to a coworker for a comment I made two days ago

mx.mel: haven’t you had that job for like, a week? how did you already start shit

jonathan sims: i’ve worked at the institute for a few YEARS now so it’s different!! i just got transferred to the archives!

jonathan sims: anyway

jonathan sims: i don’t think my apology went very well, i got nervous about the lie i was planning on telling and started rambling

mx.mel: first piece of advice: don’t lie when you’re apologizing you idiot

jonathan sims: no the context is important here, just listen! so i think i gave a bit of a shit apology, and i figured “hey, i need to talk to someone who’s great at apologizing for doing imbecilic shit constantly.” and then i remembered “hey, i'm friends with an influencer!”

mx.mel: fuck off

jonathan sims: no. anyway i was thinking i would send you what i sent my coworker, and you could tell me what i should say to fix it?

mx.mel: i’m not an influencer. i’m an investigator

jonathan sims: seriously?

mx.mel: i do RESEARCH

jonathan sims: you’re insufferable. hold on, the coworker is replying

WED 9:30 AM

mkblackwood & jonathan sims message history

mkblackwood: A boyfriend?

jonathan sims: Yes

jonathan sims: I do have one

WED 9:30 AM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

mkblackwood: [screenshot.png]

mkblackwood: so it seems like he’s going with that?

tiiim: ask for proof

sarchivist: ^^^

WED 9:31 AM

mkblackwood & jonathan sims message history:

mkblackwood: Really? That’s great!

jonathan sims: Yeah

mkblackwood: What’s he like?

WED 9:31 AM

jonathan sims & mx.mel message history:

jonathan sims: [screenshot.png]

jonathan sims: what do i do

mx.mel: jesus fucking christ give me a minute to read all that

mx.mel: wow

mx.mel: well, your apology is so bad it’s comical. you should probably try again later. as for the boyfriend thing, if you admit that you lied about having one then they’re going to be pissed at you. you’ve dug your grave with this one really

mx.mel: so i guess just give very vague descriptions of a guy you might date? and in a week or two you can tell them that you guys broke it off so you won’t have to worry about keeping up the lie long-term

jonathan sims: so describing gerry should be fine, right?

mx.mel: HUH?

mx.mel: gerry? like my co-host on my show, gerry??

jonathan sims: it should be fine

WED 9:39 AM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

mkblackwood: so i asked him to describe his boyfriend and he isn’t responding…

tiiim: sus

sarchivist: sus

mkblackwood: wait, he’s typing

WED 9:40 AM

martin blackwood & jonathan sims message history:

mkblackwood: Jon?

jonathan sims: Sorry! I was just thinking

jonathan sims: His name is Gerard. He’s kind of short, pale, dark hair. He likes music and he’s quite nice.

WED 9:42 AM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

mkblackwood: [screenshot.png]

sarchivist: pale, dark hair, likes music…

sarchivist: GERARD WAY FROM MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE?

tiiim: does he think we’re stupid

WED 9:42 AM

mkblackwood & jonathan sims message history:

jonathan sims: He’s also got a lot of tattoos. Eyes on his knuckles and whatnot

WED 9:43 AM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

mkblackwood: [screenshot.png]

sarchivist: eye tattoos…

sarchivist: GERRY DELANO FROM GHOST HUNT UK??

tiiim: he DOES think we’re stupid

mkblackwood: ...it could be a coincidence

tiiim: martin. my friend martin. how many men named gerard with eyeball tattoos do you know?

mkblackwood: …

sarchivist: the fact that he’s being so vague about the description makes me think he’s lying. if he was really dating the guy from ghost hunk uk, he would’ve just said so yeah?

tiiim: god i know he’s not using his parasocial relationship with a youtuber to lie his way out of a proper apology. i know he’s not

sarchivist: …

mkblackwood: …

mkblackwood: it could be something else? what if he IS dating gerry delano?

sarchivist: what if the earth was made of jello

mkblackwood: -_-

tiiim: martin is there something you can do to get more proof? don’t make it too obvious

mkblackwood: i do have one idea. hold on

WED 9:45 AM

mkblackwood & jonathan sims message history:

mkblackwood: I’m happy for you, Jon! He sounds really nice!

jonathan sims: Thank you :)

WED 9:45 AM

jonathan sims & mx.mel message history:

jonathan sims: i think he bought it! thank you melanie

mx.mel: uh you’re welcome i guess

WED 9:46 AM

mkblackwood & jonathan sims message history:

mkblackwood: In fact, I’d love to meet him!

jonathan sims: Oh

mkblackwood: Sasha and Tim were planning on having an archival staff drinking night tonight. We’re going out to that pub down the street around 8, you could bring him along if he’s not busy!

WED 9:46 AM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

mkblackwood: [screenshot.png]

mkblackwood: >:)

tiiim: LMAO MARTIN

tiiim: YOU GOT HIM

sarchivist: right so either we meet jon’s boyfriend tonight or we laugh at him for the rest of his life

WED 9:47 AM

jonathan sims & mx.mel message history:

jonathan sims: [screenshot.png]

jonathan sims: NEVERMIND

mx.mel: NO WAY LMFAO

jonathan sims: DON’T LAUGH AT ME THIS IS SERIOUS. HOW DO I TURN HIM DOWN WITHOUT BEING SUSPICIOUS

mx.mel: LOL I DONT THINK YOU CAN?

jonathan sims: I’M A BAD LIAR AND GERRY IS A BAD LIAR AND WE’LL BE DRINKING! THIS IS SO BAD!

mx.mel: i told you to be vague, not describe a person they’re likely to know already. now if you don’t show, they’re gonna be suspicious and figure out that you lied.

mx.mel: why pick gerry anyway?

jonathan sims: i mean, he was the first person that came to mind. i’d already asked him and he said it’s be fine if i lied about him

mx.mel: okay sure, but you could’ve just made up a guy

jonathan sims: …

mx.mel: didn’t think of that, did you

jonathan sims: i was nervous

mx.mel: lol

mx.mel: anyway go RSVP to your banquet of lies jon

jonathan sims: ugh

WED 9:50 AM

jonathan sims & gdelano message history:

jonathan sims: [screenshot.png]

gdelano: oh my god

jonathan sims: not so funny now, is it

gdelano: still kind of is. should i wear makeup

jonathan sims: fuck it, sure

WED 9:52 AM

mkblackwood & jonathan sims message history:

jonathan sims: We’ll be there.

mkblackwood: Great! Can’t wait to meet him :)

WED 10:01 AM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

tiiim: just walked in. why does jon have his head facedown on the desk?

sarchivist: HAHA

Chapter 3: make you do

Summary:

tiiim: personally, i’m excited to meet whatever poor bastard from grindr that jon convinced to draw eyes on his knuckles in sharpie

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

WED 19:30 PM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

tiiim: soooo how much do we want to bet that hes a no-show?

sarchivist: i mean, does anyone actually think he’ll pull through? do we REALLY think he’s going to bring gerry bloody delano out from the woodworks of wherever that man lives for this?

tiiim: personally, i’m excited to meet whatever poor bastard from grindr that jon convinces to draw eyes on his knuckles in sharpie

sarchivist: really putting in the work for his deception lol

mkblackwood: it’s crazy, but part of me honestly thinks that he actually knows gerry somehow

mkblackwood: like, maybe they have a mutual friend and he’s asking gerry this favor as an elaborate lie

tiiim: martin

tiiim: no offense but

sarchivist: that doesn’t really make sense

tiiim: ^^^

sarchivist: because gerry specifically is someone that everyone in supernatural/paranormal circles knows. he probably just got overzealous and said whatever came to mind lol

tiiim: besides, why would jon of all people be friends with gerry? jon dresses like an old lady, do you really think that doesn’t carry to his relationship with technology

tiiim: i’d be surprised if jon watched ANYTHING on youtube, let alone Ghost Hunt UK

mkblackwood: tim come on that’s a bit of a stretch

mkblackwood: but i guess i cant really imagine the guy who said he goes to bed at 9PM every night and gerry delano ever knowing each other. so youre probably right

sarchivist: you two are vicious today

tiiim: always am ;)

tiiim: anyway do you reckon he’ll show up early? i’ve staked out a spot already and i’m watching the door like it’s my job

mkblackwood: you’re already there?

sarchivist: oh so you’re late for work half the time, but early for drinks?

tiiim: yeah i think i’ve got my priorities in order

mkblackwood: so you’re just sitting alone in a pub on a wednesday night?

tiiim: well when you put it like that

mkblackwood: it’s sad?

tiiim: mean! just hurry up

WED 19:35 PM

georgie! & jonathan sims message history:

georgie!: you’re heading out, right?

georgie!: stay safe, have fun, love you, etc etc!

jonathan sims: yes, thank you :)

jonathan sims: this is so stressful though :(

georgie!: :(

georgie!: there’s probably still some way you can get out of it? you can’t possibly HAVE to go

jonathan sims: oh but we do

jonathan sims: personally, i don’t want to have to quit my job, change my name, and disappear from London entirely. so my only alternative is that i show up with gerry

georgie!: hmm

georgie!: maybe just don’t drink then?

georgie!: or at least gerry shouldn’t. you could probably get away with saying weird and suspicious shit to your coworkers while drunk, i think

jonathan sims: right. do you really think that's going to happen?

georgie!: damn it

georgie: properly fucked this one up, haven’t you?

jonathan sims: :(

georgie!: alright well, good luck

georgie!: i’m not busy tonight btw. shoot me a text whenever and i can come pick you guys up. what’s the address?

jonathan sims: [ link ] thank you!

georgie!: anything for my least favorite ex boyfriend <3

jonathan sims: ...is that me :(

georgie!: depends on the day, really

jonathan sims: wow alright, love you too

georgie!: mwah mwah

georgie!: anyway good luck again! you guys have your story straight right? how you met, how long you’ve been together, etc etc?

jonathan sims: well

georgie!: JON

jonathan sims: its fine! its fine! we’re going a bit early anyway, so we’ll have time to figure it out before anyone gets there

georgie!: all right, all right

georgie!: one more thing

jonathan sims: yes?

georgie!: this is really really stupid

WED 19:45 PM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

tiiim: you all made fun of me

tiiim: you all laughed

tiiim: but who’s laughing now? when i’ve got my sights on jon, who decided to come early JUST LIKE I SAID

tiiim: that sneaky bastard

mkblackwood: i feel like at this point me and sasha are just late

mkblackwood: also i don’t see how coming early would help him?

sarchivist: could be trying to chat up some random guy, convince him into identity theft for a night

sarchivist: or maybe he just wanted to be drunk before we got there so he could leave early?

tiiim: hmmmm

tiiim: maybe, but he’s not coming inside

tiiim: he’s faced away from me, lingering at the door. i think he’s talking to someone?

mkblackwood: who?

tiiim: don’t know, i can’t see them from here

sarchivist: omg watch it actually be gerry

tiiim: god can you imagine

WED 19:45 PM

jonathan sims & gdelano message history:

jonathan sims: right, so we should come up with some sort of backstory before we go in, shouldn’t we?

gdelano: yeah that would probably help

gdelano: why are we texting though, ur in front of me

jonathan sims: if someone hears us???

gdelano: who? who is going to hear this and care?

jonathan sims: i don’t KNOW! someone!! i dont know!!

gdelano: hey its alright, its alright

gdelano: it’ll be fine jon, i’m here

jonathan sims: right, thank you

gdelano: we can text then, its fine

jonathan sims: just

jonathan sims: take this seriously

gdelano: i rlly dont think i can lolll

gdelano: theyre prob going to have a lot of questions

jonathan sims: ...yeah

jonathan sims: the way we met can be the same i think, and we can say we got together very recently

gdelano: like how recent

jonathan sims: ummmmm

jonathan sims: last week?

jonathan sims: ah wait no

gdelano: why no? that works for me

jonathan sims: no because melanie gave me advice earlier, and she said we should “break up” in about a week so we don’t have to keep up the lie

gdelano: naturally

jonathan sims: so wouldn’t it look weird if we break up just as we got together? not a substantial enough relationship to really make the lie work

gdelano: idk ive had some pretty short relationships. havent you?

jonathan sims: my shortest relationship was with georgie and it lasted 2 years

gdelano: jesus

gdelano: well consider this. if they think youve ended a rlly LONG relationship, theyre gonna try to comfort you and be there for you and shit

jonathan sims: ew

jonathan sims: how about a month?

gdelano: yeah that works

jonathan sims: okay great!

jonathan sims: what else could they ask?

jonathan sims: are you cold?

gdelano: theyre not gonna ask that

jonathan sims: no no i’m asking. you look like youre cold

gdelano: im not

jonathan sims: really? because last time i checked you get cold very easily

jonathan sims: oh? what was that?

gdelano: it’s allergy season one sneeze means nothing

jonathan sims: sure sure

jonathan sims: come on, let’s go in

gdelano: you sure? you were worried before

jonathan sims: i wasn’t worried i never worry. we’re early anyway. no way that they’ll be here already, if tim coming in late to work constantly is anything to go by

gdelano: fine fine

gdelano: you’re paying for my drinks right

jonathan sims: with how much you drink? no

WED 19:47 PM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

tiiim: shit, he’s coming in

mkblackwood: is anyone with him??? do we see a boyfriend?

tiiim: hold on

tiiim: no way

sarchivist: what?

tiiim: NO FUCKING WAY

mkblackwood: holy shit

tiiim: this has to be a trick somehow

tiiim: [photo.png]

tiiim: am i seeing things

sarchivist: NO

mkblackwood: OH MY GOD

sarchivist: HE WAS TELLING THE TRUTH??

tiiim: it may not be him it still may not be him

tiiim: this guy is putting an arm around jon

tiiim: …i see the eye tattoos

mkblackwood: HELP HELP ITS REALLY HIM

sarchivist: HOW?

tiiim: insane literally insane

tiiim: they haven’t spotted me yet. god they're making eyes at each other, this is surreal. i feel like i'm being pranked

sarchivist: well? call him over!

WED 19:50 PM

tiiim & jonathan sims message history:

tiiim: hey jon i see you!

tiiim: i’m to your left, towards the back

tiiim: i see you brought your boyfriend

jonathan sims: yes gerry is my boyfriend

jonathan sims: i like him

tiiim: you been drinking already?

jonathan sims: no but i’d love to be

tiiim: that’s the spirit! get over here

WED 19:59 PM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

mkblackwood: just walked in! i see you guys :)

mkblackwood: um. are you guys okay?

sarchivist: fuck this fucking traffic i SWEAR

sarchivist: sorry guys, i’m going to be a bit late. what’s going on over there martin? is it really gerry delano?

mkblackwood: ummm it is yeah. theyre just sitting there? tim and gerry delano are staring at each other

mkblackwood: oh. it was a staring contest. gerry just won

sarchivist: good to know tim’s not the only one who turns into a literal child when he drinks

mkblackwood: aww jon is leaning on gerry. he looks so happy :)

mkblackwood: actually i’ve never seen him this happy. or this hammered

sarchivist: im glad hes happy!

sarchivist: with gerard delano! from my favorite fucking channel ghost hunk uk! insane!

mkblackwood: god i know

mkblackwood: i “predicted” this but i’m still in total shock

mkblackwood: uh ok i just sat down and gerry looked at me. and just started laughing?

tiiim: HI

sarchivist: hi tim

mkblackwood: hi tim

tiiim: that was for sasha not yoy

tiiim: fuckyou

mkblackwood: ok tim

sarchivist: are you having fun?

tiiim: yeahhhhhhhhhhh

tiiim: gerry’s cool. idk why hes w jon

sarchivist: does he look unhappy with jon?

tiiim: NO its weird hes SO happy

tiiim: bad tast for real

sarchivist: SO happy?

mkblackwood: jon is trying to convince us that human fingers grow back when u cut them off and gerry is just on his shoulder looking like he believes it jesus fucking christ

mkblackwood: jon seems to believe it too…

mkblackwood: “its like lizards! ever met a lizard? martin, you’ve heard of lizards haven’t you? wonderful people, they are. fingers for tails.”

sarchivist: HA

sarchivist: so i guess that solves the issue then

sarchivist: jon’s not homophobic or a liar, he’s just stupid

sarchivist: also, i'm walking in right now

mkblackwood: i see you! thank god, im putting my phone away now

mkblackwood: “most animals are all just the same animal, but they’re different” -jon, just now

mkblackwood: i need a drink

WED 23:49 PM

jonathan sims & georgie! message history:

jonathan sims : g

jonathan sims: eorgie

georgie!: right, im on my way

THURS 00:03 AM

gdelano & jonathan sims message history:

gdelano: hey jon idk when you'll see these but i went back to my flat instead of staying over at georgies jsyk

gdelano: good luck with yr hangover lol

gdelano: also it went pretty well today? they didnt ask any questions or anything which was shocking

gdelano: whatever i wont look a gift horse in the mouth. but yeah everything is going to be fine, see?

gdelano: we just need to wait a week and then itll be over completely

gdelano: ok actually thisis a lot of msgs sorry bye

gdelano: sleep well

Notes:

best way 2 detect a lie is 2 get drunk and also be on your phone the whole time, obviously

Chapter 4: stick to another

Summary:

sarchivist: ahhhh this is so exciting!!
sarchivist: i just really really need to Know!!!

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

THURS 9:01 AM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

tiiim: hrrhrhrgghhhhh

mkblackwood: good morning tim

sarchivist: good morning tim

sarchivist: good to see you at work on time for once

tiiim: shut Up SHUT UP

sarchivist: well that’s no way to talk to your boss, now is it?

tiiim: my head hurts. fuck this world

mkblackwood: shit tim, you need a glass of water or something?

tiiim: i need to die

sarchivist: you know, nobody told you to drink so much. you made that decision on your own, sir

tiiim: its not like it was JUST me dammit

tiiim: gerry and jon drank themselves stupid

tiiim: and where are they? hm?

mkblackwood: gerry doesn’t work here

tiiim: SHUT

sarchivist: actually yeah, come to think of it i haven't heard from jon

sarchivist: martin, you know if he’s coming in today?

mkblackwood: not sure, i haven’t heard from him either

mkblackwood: last i saw him was last night, i think he and gerry got picked up by a coworker or someone

sarchivist: a coworker? i don’t remember anyone else we know being there

mkblackwood: idk

mkblackwood: might not have been, i just recognized her voice from somewhere..

THURS 9:10 AM

jonathan sims & sarchivist message history:

jonathan sims: Hello, Sasha. I’m just messaging to let you know that I will not be able to make it to work today. A personal matter has come up and I feel that I will be unable to spend the day at the office given the specific circumstances. Thank you for understanding, and please let me know if there is anything I will need to do to make up for this absence.

sarchivist: lol are you hungover

jonathan sims: yeah :(

sarchivist: it’s okay! stay home, rest, feel better! also tell gerry i said hi :)

jonathan sims: :)

THURS 9:15 AM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

sarchivist: jon isn’t coming in today, just letting you both know!

sarchivist: i’ll try to get a handle on the follow-up he’s been doing this week, but if i call one of you into my office just know it’ll be for help with that! also martin if you would, see what you can dig up on the location of that corn maze statement i recorded on monday? i’ve attached a list of possible areas and contacts to the file, but i’d love if you could narrow it down a bit! but of course, i know you’re short on sleep. don’t worry too much about it today, it’s not a time-sensitive case! tim, just take a nap. you look like you need it

mkblackwood: sure thing sasha!

tiiim: finally some important work

sarchivist: cherish it, this is the one time i’m letting you off the hook for being hungover

tiiim: wow. was the jon and gerry situation that important?

sarchivist: obviously! and what a situation it was…

mkblackwood: now that i think of it, we didnt even get any info on how or why they got together

sarchivist: oh damn that’s right :/

sarchivist: i was so caught up in the rush of meeting jon’s boyfriend AND gerry delano simultaneously that i forgot to ask them anything…

tiiim: and i was drunk

sarchivist: very

mkblackwood: well, we can always ask jon about it tomorrow can’t we?

sarchivist: oh definitely

sarchivist: i don’t think we need proof or anything, but i’m just happy for them :)

mkblackwood: me too!

sarchivist: anyway! i have spooky shit to look after. i’ll be in my office with the door unlocked if you need me

THURS 11:30 AM

jonathan sims & gdelano message history:

jonathan sims: good morning!

gdelano: morning!

gdelano: i’ve been up tho

jonathan sims: same here, but my headache only just subsided. i still feel dead on my feet though

gdelano: wow imagine having hangovers

jonathan sims: ugh don’t rub it in

gdelano: no no i mean it. devastated that im not a horrible lightweight

gdelano: i drink as much as i want and never feel the consequences later. so sad so sad

jonathan sims: you're mean

jonathan sims: i tell you i’m in PAIN and you mock me, unbelievable

gdelano: anything for u <3

jonathan sims: -_-

gdelano: lmaooo anyway

gdelano: stayed home today?

jonathan sims: clearly

jonathan sims: even without the hangover i’m fucking exhausted from yesterday

gdelano: yeah? we didnt end up outright lying that much i dont think

jonathan sims: we didnt, but just thinking about it constantly

jonathan sims: ughhhhhhhhh felt awful

jonathan sims: whatever. you know how i get

gdelano: :(

jonathan sims: but you were right, just a week and then we can forget about it entirely. i’ll be alright

gdelano: :)

gdelano: what can i say im always right

jonathan sims: well

gdelano: its true no exceptions shut up jon

jonathan sims: i’ll let you believe it

jonathan sims: are you busy today?

gdelano: not especially, just going over some footage and planning bonus content

gdelano: it’s my turn to do the bonus episode as well, so i’m thinking about what to talk about for that

jonathan sims: the last one where you talked about that unsolved murder was good, could do something similar?

jonathan sims: or teach your audience of impressionable people how to make explosives like you promised

gdelano: look i said that ONE time

gdelano: not my fault it became a meme :/ not going to do it

jonathan sims: oh why not? you’re no fun

gdelano: says you

gdelano: but really if you’re free all day you could come record the bonus ep with me? i like it better when i’m not just talking to myself

jonathan sims: i don’t want to be on the internet :(

jonathan sims: sorry

gdelano: its fine its fine

gdelano: still come over tho?

jonathan sims: always :)

THURS 2:33 PM

jonathan sims & mkblackwood message history:

jonathan sims: melanie.

jonathan sims: gerry blocked my number because i called him short can you tell him to unblock me and also tell him to stop pretending to cry from across the room because i'm this close to throwing something at him

mkblackwood: ...what

jonathan sims: wait

THURS 2:34 PM

jonathan sims & mx.mel message history:

jonathan sims: there we go

jonathan sims: he’s here now he’s grabbing for my phone this is time sensitive

mx.mel: you know i feel like if he’s trying to steal your phone, he won’t be looking at his

jonathan sims: HFJFG

mx.mel: and he’s got him

mx.mel: the hell am i supposed to do?

jonathan sims: hi

mx.mel: hey gerry

jonathan sims: no its me jonathan sims the archival assistant

jonathan sims: hold on martin is texting

THURS 2:35 PM

jonathan sims & mkblackwood message history:

mkblackwood: a lot to unpack there

jonathan sims: hi

mkblackwood: hi jon?

jonathan sims: thats me i am jon

mkblackwood: ..that’s great? never said you weren’t!

jonathan sims: oh you’re too nice i can’t lie to you

jonathan sims: [photo.png]

mkblackwood: oh! hello gerry!

mkblackwood: thank you for your honesty, i guess :)

jonathan sims: oh yeah it was really tearing me up

jonathan sims: horrible at lying, i’d never do it

mkblackwood: well, honesty is good!

mkblackwood: also is jon okay?

jonathan sims: oh yeah hes great never better

mkblackwood: what are you guys doing anyway?

jonathan sims: work

mkblackwood: doesn’t look like work

jonathan sims: doesn’t it?

mkblackwood: looks like you’ve got jon in a headlock

jonathan sims: its very important ghost business martin, i wouldnt expect u to understand

mkblackwood: wow okay

jonathan sims: anywayJSSJDJDJKFKGFH

jonathan sims: I AM SO SORRY ABOUT THAT

mkblackwood: oh hey jon! welcome back!

jonathan sims: thanks

jonathan sims: turning off my phone now

mkblackwood: yeah that's probably a good idea

THURS 2:45 PM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

mkblackwood: apparently jon is friends with melanie king too

mkblackwood: i guess it’s not surprising? like, considering him being gerry’s boyfriend it makes sense that he knows melanie

mkblackwood: but i just figured hey! that’s one new thing we sort of know about jon now!

sarchivist: omg that’s perfect then!

sarchivist: i still have melanie king’s contact info from a previous thing, i could ask her about gerry and jon!!

mkblackwood: oh, didn’t even think of that!

sarchivist: wait. that’s not creepy, is it?

sarchivist: i’m curious, but i don’t want to overstep any boundaries

mkblackwood: i guess it just depends on what you ask? if you just ask about how they met, how they know melanie, etc then i don’t think it’s invasive personally

mkblackwood: and also, if something is too personal i feel like melanie just won’t tell you about it. it’s not like you have some way of forcing her to tell you things

sarchivist: yeah, you’re right martin! thank you!

sarchivist: ahhhh this is so exciting!!

sarchivist: i just really really need to Know !!!

THURS 3:30 PM

sarchivist & mx.mel message history:

sarchivist: Hi, Melanie! How have you been? Hope I’m not interrupting you in anything important, I just had a few questions that I thought you could help me with?

mx.mel: Hey, Sasha! Good to hear from you, I’m doing well! And yeah, I’m free to talk for a few minutes.

mx.mel: Is this a research-related question?

sarchivist: Oh no, nothing like that. It’s actually not professional at all, so feel free to ignore me haha

sarchivist: I’ve just been wondering about Jon and Gerry! I only found out they were dating recently, so I’ve been wondering how long they’ve been together?

THURS 3:33 PM

London’s Sweethearts (and gerry) message history:

mx.mel: [screenshot.png]

mx.mel: what do i say??

gdelano: tell her we’ve been together for years

jonathan sims: oh yeah, decades even

gdelano: ^^

gdelano: lovers in every past life

mx.mel: seriously?

gdelano: 100%

mx.mel: right then, i’ll just tell her that exactly

jonathan sims: WAIT DONT ACTUALLY

mx.mel: HAHAHA

gdelano: dammit jon u broke character

jonathan sims: :(

jonathan sims: can’t blame ME! you never know what asinine shit melanie is about to pull!

mx.mel: HEY

georgie!: right so do none of you people do work?

mx.mel: i do!! i just get sidetracked by these pieces of shit

gdelano: i dont do work lol

mx.mel: great look for the brand, gerry. thanks a lot

mx.mel: so what should i actually tell her?

jonathan sims: about a month. stuff about how we met can be the same

mx.mel: got it

THURS 3:37 PM

sarchivist & mx.mel message history:

mx.mel: They’ve been together for about a month now!

sarchivist: Oh, that’s wonderful :)

sarchivist: So I guess that’s how you and Jon know each other? Through Gerry?

mx.mel: Well

mx.mel: I actually met Gerry through Jon, who I met through Georgie Barker

sarchivist: Like from What the Ghost?

mx.mel: That’s the one. Everyone in the “paranormal entertainment” type circles end up knowing each other eventually

sarchivist: I can imagine. But why is Jon in that circle?

mx.mel: Oh, it’s because he and Georgie are really close.

mx.mel: Also I have to go, sorry!

sarchivist: Oh no, that’s fine! Have a great day!

mx.mel: You too

THURS 2:41 PM

London’s Sweethearts (and gerry) message history:

mx.mel: good god jon your boss is nosy

jonathan sims: she’s nice :(

mx.mel: nice AND nosy

mx.mel: her questions weren’t weird or invasive or anything, but i guess it was the way she asked them? i felt almost compelled to answer

gdelano: oh weird

gdelano: you ok?

mx.mel: yeah i’m good! said everything you told me and she bought it

gdelano: good! thats good

THURS 2:41 PM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

sarchivist: man

mkblackwood: ?

sarchivist: talked to melanie, now i just have more questions. she had to go pretty abruptly which was probably a sign that she didn’t want me to pry anymore but MAN how does jon know georgie barker? and how does he know gerry?

mkblackwood: georgie barker from what the ghost?

sarchivist: YEAH georgie barker from what the ghost!

mkblackwood: well, if jon hasn’t told us maybe he doesn’t want us to know?

mkblackwood: or he forgot to. could be either one, knowing him

sarchivist: yeah he didn’t tell us about gerry for a while, but once he remembered to, he didn’t have any issue with us knowing and meeting him. so i think it’s likely the second thing

mkblackwood: you’re right. and we’ll back off if he tells us to so it’s not a creepy thing

sarchivist: exactly!

mkblackwood: so we’re asking jon about it tomorrow then?

sarchivist: no i have a better idea

sarchivist: let’s ask gerry

Notes:

archivist sasha go brrrrrrr

Chapter 5: surely deserves me

Summary:

jonathan sims: i just think we seem like too healthy of a couple. we’re too happy and we need dysfunction to make the inevitable breakup seem realistic

Notes:

how do i format transcripts on ao3. pain pain pain <3

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

THURS 3:45 PM

sarchivist & gdelano message history:

sarchivist: Hi, Gerry! Hope you’re not busy!

gdelano: hey sasha

gdelano: so what did jon do?

sarchivist: Sorry?

gdelano: ...is he okay

gdelano: shit

sarchivist: Jon didn’t do anything! He’s fine!! I just wanted to talk to you, actually!

gdelano: cool

THURS 3:47 PM

London’s Sweethearts (and gerry) message history:

gdelano: mel was right this lady is fucking nosy

mx.mel: see? what did i tell you

mx.mel: also wait why is she texting you, she just talked to me like an hour ago

mx.mel: tell her youre busy

gdelano: okay

THURS 3:48 PM

sarchivist & gdelano message history:

sarchivist: Great! Just let me know if I’m being too intrusive, but I was talking to Melanie earlier and she mentioned that she met you and Jon through Georgie Barker. I’m so curious to know how you and Jon know her?

gdelano: uhhh so jon and georgie knew each other in uni and theyve been friends since then and i was in the same sort of music scene as them around the same time so we just ended up talking a lot.

sarchivist: Jon and Georgie were friends in uni? Never would have expected that!

gdelano: yeah

gdelano: btw i am not jon or georgie

sarchivist: Shit, you’re right. Sorry, I won’t pry anymore!

THURS 3:50 PM

London’s Sweethearts (and gerry) message history:

gdelano: [screenshot.png]

gdelano: i think shes done now

gdelano: wait nvm

THURS 3:55 PM

sarchivist & gdelano message history:

sarchivist: I do want to be friends, though. You and Jon are really good for each other, if meeting you both last night was anything to go by! You clearly love each other a lot :)

gdelano: oh

gdelano: yeah i rlly do

sarchivist: I’m glad! Jon’s a great guy, but I never saw him as the affectionate type before, you know?

gdelano: i’ve been told he’s pretty different at work

sarchivist: SO different! I saw you two holding hands and attached at the hip the entire night and I was like, “Hello? Is this the same guy?!”

gdelano: yeah he’s very sweet to me

gdelano: cant recall a time when he wasnt, actually

sarchivist: Awww! :)

sarchivist: Damn it, I’ve actually got some stuff I need to do before I leave work today, so I’ll have to go. Great talking with you, though!

gdelano: you too :)

sarchivist: And hey, if you ever need any research material, the Archives has you covered! Paranormal investigators gotta stick together! :P

gdelano: thank you!

gdelano: actually that gives me an idea, can i ask a favor? i just need someone from the archives to help me work on something

THURS 3:55 PM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

sarchivist: who wants to help gerry with something he’s working on?

mkblackwood: ME

tiiim: ME

sarchivist: martin said it first lol

tiiim: NOT FAIR FUCK YOU

mkblackwood: !!!!!

mkblackwood: wait whats the project what am i working on

sarchivist: idk he didn’t tell me

sarchivist: maybe a threesome

tiiim: martin you lucky bastard

mkblackwood: how do i know how to help if he didnt tell you!!!!

sarchivist: hey, it’s okay! i’ll get him to text you about it rn!

mkblackwood: hhhg

mkblackwood: ohhh look at me! about to text gerry delano

sarchivist: you have no need to worry! he’s nice and really good at his job

mkblackwood: h

THURS 4:00 PM

sarchivist & gdelano message history:

sarchivist: [ contact ]

sarchivist: here’s Martin’s number!

sarchivist: I know you met him already, but he’s the best! Masters in parapsychology and everything!

gdelano: oh good for him

gdelano: thanks sasha!

sarchivist: No problem!

THURS 4:01 PM

gdelano & mkblackwood message history:

gdelano: hey martin its gerry, sasha gave me ur number

mkblackwood: hey! yeah, she just let me know!

gdelano: sick

mkblackwood: what was it you needed help with?

gdelano: ok so

gdelano: idk if you even watch ghost hunt uk, much less if ur subscribed to the patreon. but we do bonus episodes for ppl who donate $15+ a month and theyre p much just an audio recording of me talking abt whatever i want for an hour. fun stuff. so i already know what i wanna do and i got all the research etc etc i just wanted to see if someone from the archives would b willing to be on the episode w me

gdelano: its rlly easy, i just dont like doing them by myself

mkblackwood: oh i’d love to! sounds like a lot of fun

gdelano: hell yeah

gdelano: and that parapsychology degree might help

mkblackwood: right haha

gdelano: u free tmrw morning around 10? its fine if u cant skip work for a bit, we can just wait a day

mkblackwood: no no its fine!

mkblackwood: see you then!

gdelano: :)

FRI 8:45 AM

gdelano & jonathan sims message history:

gdelano: good morning good morning

jonathan sims: hi :)!

jonathan sims: youre happy today

gdelano: yeah i just cant wait to replace you with martin

jonathan sims: ah

jonathan sims: you joke, but who will be laughing when he asks you to listen to cavetown?

gdelano: ur so mean to him and for what?

jonathan sims: oh like you wouldn’t say the same things if you were in my place

gdelano: i WOULDNT

gdelano: very important that u know i wouldnt start any of the shit u started this week i am too smart

jonathan sims: sure

jonathan sims: anyway, are you recording the bonus episode with him?

gdelano: yeah im gonna come steal him around 10

jonathan sims: i’ll keep an eye out for you

jonathan sims: he’s just keeping you company then?

gdelano: yeah keeping a seat warm

gdelano: i mean i guess i could’ve asked him to help with the info for the episode cause its kinda relevant but like

gdelano: idk

gdelano: i just dont like being alone

jonathan sims: i understand that

gdelano: well

gdelano: whatever!

gdelano: the topic of the episode is so funny btw

jonathan sims: what is it?

gdelano: its so good

jonathan sims: what is ittttt

gdelano: gertrude robinsons unsolved murder LMAOOO

jonathan sims: IS IT ACTUALLY?

jonathan sims: goddd martin is going to be sweating bullets

jonathan sims: gerry please im asking so nicely. send me the audio file for the episode when its done

gdelano: youll see it when it comes out wont you?

jonathan sims: :(

gdelano: oh thats right

gdelano: SOMEONES not subscribed to the ghuk patreon. unbelievable

jonathan sims: listen

gdelano: i would subscribe. georgie subscribed.

jonathan sims: i am not a rich man

jonathan sims: how much do you think the archives pay?

gdelano: i edit youtube videos for a living jon anything amount u make is riches beyond my wildest dreams

jonathan sims: you say, typing from inside your flat where u live without roommates. in london.

gdelano: at least i dont live w my ex girlfriend like im waiting for a lease to run out

jonathan sims: HEY

jonathan sims: we are friends first and bitter exes second. its not as weird as you make it sound

gdelano: no its definitely a little weird

jonathan sims: okay then you try being 2 people of colour in an alternative music scene in like 2010. see if that doesnt make u inseparable and soul-bonded and permanently flatmates.

jonathan sims: speaking of exes though. how should we break up?

gdelano: arent we still waiting a while? five days i think

jonathan sims: yes but im worried it’ll look too abrupt

gdelano: so we’re staying together for longer then?

jonathan sims: no no dont worry! i just think we seem like too healthy of a couple. we’re too happy and we need dysfunction to make the breakup seem realistic

gdelano: i dont think i could convincingly be mean to u

jonathan sims: gerry of 2 minutes ago would disagree. also i dont think we need to be mean? just like. distant i guess?

jonathan sims: you could tell martin i dont return your messages enough or something

gdelano: i feel like i’d be the one to do that

jonathan sims: have you met me?

gdelano: have you met me?

gdelano: but yeah thats a good idea. i’ll try to foreshadow a breakup or whatever when im recording with martin today

jonathan sims: good luck!

gdelano: :)

FRI 9:50

gdelano & mkblackwood message history:

mkblackwood: hey gerry! got the go-ahead from sasha, so i can head over to your place as soon as you send me the address!

gdelano: martin do u have a gluten allergy

gdelano: or are u normal

mkblackwood: what?

gdelano: i said

mkblackwood: no no i saw what you said

mkblackwood: why

gdelano: oh nvm the line at the shop was way shorter than it looked so i already got them btw do you like donuts or do i have to give all of these to jon

gdelano: [photo.png]

mkblackwood: oh, wow! thank you gerry!

gdelano: np :)

mkblackwood: that looks like about a dozen though, so i’m assuming some are going to jon anyway since youre coming all the way to the institute

gdelano: ah. you got me

gdelano: also im here let me in

mkblackwood: omw!

FRI 10:01 AM

tiiim & sarchivist message history:

tiiim: since youre in your office all locked up, im just going to text you updates on whats happening because gerry just came in.

tiiim: aren’t you lucky to have me

tiiim: oh, he brought food. love this guy

tiiim: and hes spotted jon

tiiim: eyes locked on the target. hes moving in

tiiim: aaaaaand there it is! forehead kiss with perfect accuracy! truly a spectacular performance

tiiim: never seen jon this pleased or this flustered in my life, what a world

FRI 10:25 AM

EXCERPT FROM THE TRANSCRIPT OF “gerry talking about whatever he wants EPISODE 30”

GERRY: Right, so I don’t think I told you what we were actually going to talk about before I roped you into this, did I?

MARTIN: You did not.

MARTIN: I don’t have to know anything for this, do I? Because I was worried that-

(GERRY chuckles. The sound of papers rustling)

MARTIN: Yeah see? Look at all those notes. That’s intimidating.

GERRY: (laughing) I guess if you do end up knowing something I don’t, it’ll cause a new set of problems. Anyway, we’re not talking about anything big.

MARTIN: Oh?

GERRY: Nothing important, really.

MARTIN: I’m not sure I believe you.

GERRY: Probably haven’t even heard of her.

(MARTIN taps his fingers on a desk. GERRY’S laughter is bright and genuine)

GERRY: The murder of Gertrude Robinson.

(MARTIN chokes)

MARTIN(clearly smiling as he speaks): How far in are we? We’re - hold on - five minutes , Gerry! And we’re already disrespecting the dead.

GERRY: What’s she going to do about it? Die again?

MARTIN: Haunt you, probably!

GERRY: Gertrude Robinson died like a loser and if she tries to haunt me then I wish her luck.

(MARTIN’S laughter is muffled, as if he has turned away from the mic. Something makes a clattering sound)

FRI 10:25 AM

tiiim & jonathan sims message history:

tiiim: hey

tiiim: you going to eat that?

jonathan sims: ?

tiiim: your donut :(

jonathan sims: Oh, I guess I forgot. You can have it.

tiiim: spacing out? what’s wrong mate?

jonathan sims: Nothing is wrong, actually. I was just… thinking.

tiiim: about gerry?

jonathan sims: Yes.

FRI 10:37 AM

EXCERPT FROM THE TRANSCRIPT OF “gerry talking about whatever he wants EPISODE 30”

GERRY: And that’s just it, isn’t it? People are always hiding things that could’ve stood to see the light of day. Not for any malicious reason, but more personal ones.

MARTIN: And then their bodies are found by janitorial staff in tunnel systems.

GERRY: Exactly. The most common way to go. Not that I would know.

MARTIN (chuckling): No?

GERRY: Martin, do I look like I’ve died or gone to university before?

(MARTIN hums, considering this)

MARTIN: Might’ve had a death or two.

GERRY: Possibly. But I think if i ever set foot on a campus, I’d start to disintegrate. I don’t think I belong in that sort of intellectual nightmare.

MARTIN: Same here.

GERRY: ...What?

MARTIN: Uh- I mean… Um.

GERRY: What happened to the parapsychology degree?

MARTIN: Well, someone probably has one of those. Sorry.

GERRY: Hey, no. Don’t be sorry. I really don’t care.

MARTIN: Oh.

GERRY: Pretty impressive, actually. Lied on your CV and everything?

MARTIN: ...Yeah. It’s pretty easy, to be honest.

GERRY: You know it doesn’t matter, right? I don’t care that you don’t have a degree.

MARTIN: No, yeah, I know that. I just - the fact that I lied at all feels wrong. I mean, if I found out that I’d been lied to about something significant like that, I wouldn’t be able to look at that person the same, you know?

GERRY: It’s not that simple.

MARTIN: ...I guess not

(a pause)

GERRY: Gonna have to edit all this out, by the way.

MARTIN: Oh my god, please do.

FRI 10:37 AM

tiiim & jonathan sims message history:

tiiim: all good thoughts then

jonathan sims: I suppose

tiiim: ?

tiiim: everything alright? talk to me if you want

jonathan sims: Ah, i dont want to bother you with it

tiiim: its not a bother if i fcking ask about it. besides, im good with this stuff

jonathan sims: okay

jonathan sims: i’ve just been feeling. uncertain.

tiiim: listen jon, take it from me. new relationships are awkward in the beginning. youve only been together a month, youre going to be uncertain at times and that’s to be expected

jonathan sims: youre right. theres just an undercurrent of worry every time im with him

jonathan sims: even when i have no reason to feel so apprehensive, i cant help but be on edge. there is a part of me that always just feels watched when im with him, like something bad is going to happen if i dont do everything right. gerrys nice. hes perfect really. our relationship hardly changed when we moved from best friends to… well, a relationship. i have nothing to hide or be ashamed of. but regardless theres this persistent part of me that continuously tells me that if i make one wrong move or say one wrong thing, everyone will find out. im not sure what theyll find out, or even who “everyone” is, but the fear is so overwhelming i feel like im not allowed to think about anything else.

tiiim: internalized homophobia is a bitch

jonathan sims: yeah

tiiim: lucky you, i know the solution

jonathan sims: ?

tiiim: he’s the solution, if you want him to be. somewhere down the line, you were taught to be afraid and the only way to feel more comfortable in your relationship is to direct your energy into loving your partner. you get to create a reprieve from fear in the arms of the person you love.

jonathan sims: what if we’re not in love

tiiim: if you’re not, that’s alright. things will run their course. but you love him?

jonathan sims: so much

tiiim: then things will go the way they’re supposed to

jonathan sims: you’re right

jonathan sims: thank you tim

tiiim: anytime!

tiiim: now can you pleaseeee bring me your donut ive been longing for her doughy skin and sweet, saturated taste <3

jonathan sims: something is wrong with you

FRI 11:34 AM

EXCERPT FROM THE TRANSCRIPT OF “gerry talking about whatever he wants EPISODE 30”

GERRY: And we’re done.

MARTIN: So we are. Thank you for having me, this was a great time! Learned a lot about the Institute. And murder.

GERRY: As one does.

MARTIN: As one does.

GERRY: And thank you for being here and getting me through (the sound of pages flipping) 1500 words of shit I wrote on that woman. Batshit insane, I tell you.

MARTIN: Careful, she’ll start flickering your lights. Possessing your dog.

GERRY: She can’t hurt me, I was raised by my mother.

(MARTIN sucks in a breath)

MARTIN: God, I know the feeling. But again, thank you! I’m a bit surprised you didn’t have Jon do this one with you.

GERRY: Oh, he “doesn’t want to be on the internet” apparently. Which I know is a lie because he loves arguing with strangers.

MARTIN (laughing): That’s a pretty good Jon impression.

GERRY: Thank you. Proximity breeds familiarity, and all. Anyway, it’s been an hour. Bye.

EPISODE ENDS

FRI 6:01 PM

jonathan sims & gdelano message history:

jonathan sims: successful day today. survived a conversation with tim and didn't even consider lobotomizing myself at any point

gdelano: so proud

gdelano: i think im friends with martin now :)

jonathan sims: :)!

gdelano: guess i’ll be having him over more often then, all bright eyed and ready to talk abt music

jonathan sims: ughhhh nvm

gdelano: endless entertainment

gdelano: soooo

gdelano: any luck convincing people that we r a sinking ship?

jonathan sims: actually yes!

gdelano: oh good

jonathan sims: my conversation with tim all but confirmed that he thinks we’re going to break up eventually. he said things will run their course. couldn’t have been clearer

FRI 6:01 PM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

tiiim: still thinking about the convo i had with jon today

tiiim: i wont get into the details because man! incredibly personal!

tiiim: but i could tell how much jon cares about gerry, its amazing really.

tiiim: if theres any couple that’ll get together and stay together, it’s them. couldn’t have been clearer.

Notes:

maybe lying... is bad

Chapter 6: desperately pondered

Summary:

jonathan sims: you were right
georgie!: i usually am
georgie!: btw what?

Notes:

do they have 7 eleven in the uk? idk im not br*tish

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

SAT 4:00 AM

gdelano & jonathan sims message history:

gdelano: jon

gdelano: jon this is so important

gdelano: jon

gdelano: jonnnnn

gdelano: jon

jonathan sims: WHAT?

gdelano: just wanted to say

gdelano: hi :)

jonathan sims: …

gdelano: that was all

jonathan sims: i should tell melanie you're scared of snakes

gdelano: do NOT do that

jonathan sims: you deserve it

gdelano: im so kind to you and for what

jonathan sims: youre annoying

gdelano: im not im beloved

gdelano: everyone likes me

jonathan sims: is this why you woke me up on a saturday? to gaslight me?

gdelano: GASLIGHT YOU…

gdelano: yes thats why <3

gdelano: anyway im bored do u wanna go to 7 eleven

jonathan sims: at 4 am?

gdelano: yeah

jonathan sims: obviously yes

SAT 4:33 AM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

mkblackwood: seeing people you know at a 7 eleven is WEIRD because it feels like the illusion of being in a 7 eleven is gone

mkblackwood: anyway jon and gerry are here

sarchivist: why are any of you anywhere at this hour? go pretend to sleep like normal people

sarchivist: tim is sleeping

mkblackwood: tim is honestly the only person i know who gets 8 hours on weekends

sarchivist: yeah thats true

sarchivist: well, stay safe and tell jon and gerry i said hi!

mkblackwood: oh i havent gone up to them yet

sarchivist: no? how come?

mkblackwood: well

mkblackwood: i dont want to be mean but theyre really bad at shoplifting :(

sarchivist: LMAOOOO

mkblackwood: i just dont want to get caught in the crossfires of that because i really dont feel like paying for these crisps

sarchivist: wow martin. confessing to crimes, are we?

mkblackwood: oh no not me i would never

mkblackwood: im just saying that if i were one of them i wouldnt be holding hands with my boyfriend the whole time. its very sweet but it really lowers your mobility

sarchivist: its their date, let them be bad at crime

mkblackwood: i AM, im just saying!!

sarchivist: lol go get your crisps

SAT 7:00 AM

georgie! & jonathan sims message history:

georgie!: hey, where are you? gerry’s?

jonathan sims: yes, dont worry

georgie!: okay, just checking in! im heading to bed rn, goodnight!

jonathan sims: georgie its morning

jonathan sims: gerry says youre a freak

georgie!: im self-employed. i make my own hours

jonathan sims: you dont get to reinvent time

georgie!: jon do you really want to go down this road again

georgie!: time literally isnt real

jonathan sims: stop

jonathan sims: i dont want a migraine, go be nocturnal

georgie!: im diurnal, my definition of daytime is just different

jonathan sims: [photo.png]

jonathan sims: he says youre a vampire

georgie!: i wish

georgie!: could you wake me around noon? ive got a date this afternoon

jonathan sims: sure! good “night”

georgie!: night!

SAT 9:57 AM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

sarchivist: jon and gerry spotted at the park

sarchivist: i think they're conversing with the ducks, looks very serious

mkblackwood: awww :)

tiiim: morning!

mkblackwood: morning tim!

sarchivist: gm! scroll up for martins shoplifting advice loll

mkblackwood: >:(

tiiim: wow

tiiim: you think theyve been on the same date for 5 consecutive hours?

sarchivist: ohh thats so sweet :0

mkblackwood: god i want a relationship like that

tiiim: ^^^

sarchivist: GUYS this is so cute

sarchivist: i was about to take a video but then i realized how much of an invasion of privacy that would be, so i refrained

mkblackwood: yeah def dont do that

sarchivist: instead im just going to describe it in great detail while i eavesdrop

mkblackwood: is that better?

sarchivist: martin dont judge as if them being at 7 eleven was your business :P

mkblackwood: when a grown man takes like 8 years to shove a soft drink into his coat pocket it absolutely is my business

tiiim: just admit you're both nosy and evil

mkblackwood: :(

sarchivist: :)

sarchivist: ANYWAY theyre sitting together on a park bench and gerrys got his head in jons lap :) jon is just sort of absently playing with his hair

tiiim: :)

sarchivist: theyre talking to each other now and they look so peaceful aww. hold on

sarchivist: ah

mkblackwood: what happened?

sarchivist: “but what would motivate a duck to eat you? it hasn’t got the bloodlust of a goose” -jon

sarchivist: “i’m saying it’d be a Pavlov sort of thing. you feed the same duck enough times, it associates you with food. after a while, it only needs to see you to think about eating. so, when you show up to the duck pond empty-handed, it doesn’t think and just goes in for the kill” -gerry

tiiim: right

tiiim: so theyre made for each other then

SAT 11:49 AM

jonathan sims & gdelano message history:

jonathan sims: georgie, wake up!

jonathan sims: also please open the door before gerry tries to pick the lock :(

georgie!: forgot your keys, did you?

jonathan sims: i was tired

jonathan sims: let me be

georgie!: lmaooo

georgie!: coming coming

georgie!: btw since you both are here, youre reviewing my outfit

jonathan sims: sure :)

SAT 3:30 PM

London’s Sweethearts (and gerry) message history:

georgie!: hello everyone!

gdelano: shit georgie, texting us before nightfall?

georgie!: very funny -_-

gdelano: careful, wouldn’t want you turning to dust in the sunlight

georgie!: youre a child

georgie!: just wanted to inform everyone that my date went really well!

mx.mel: yeah i heard the girl u met is hot as fuck

georgie!: oh definitely

georgie!: hot as fuck and my girlfriend!!

jonathan sims: wow i thought i was your girlfriend

mx.mel: BE HAPPY FOR US??

jonathan sims: I AM HAPPY FOR YOU

georgie!: oh jon you were always more of a side chick <3

jonathan sims: changed my mind. worst day of my life.

mx.mel: “i am happy for you”

mx.mel: bullshit

gdelano: he is happy for u, he just has to be weird with georgie or he’ll die

mx.mel: wouldn’t be so bad

jonathan sims: HEY

mx.mel: kidding! my girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend-slash-girlfriend is also my friend

mx.mel: tentatively

gdelano: for real though i am happy for you both :)!

gdelano: youre good for each other

georgie!: awww love you thank you!!

mx.mel: ily gerry!

mx.mel: anyway its crazy how easy it is to date the person you like

georgie!: thats true. just have to be blunt and ask them

mx.mel: no fanfare, no stress, just “hey i like you, lets grab lunch”

georgie!: absolutely. very important that everyone knows that

gdelano: uh ok?

jonathan sims: great thanks guys

georgie!: its very easy, just common sense

jonathan sims: im sure

SAT 3:45 PM

gdelano & mx.mel message history:

gdelano: hey melanie

gdelano: ive got a question

mx.mel: arent you with jon rn?

gdelano: yeah but weve been hanging out all day so we r at the point where we just sit around separately on our phones. im not busy

mx.mel: well i kind am about to be

gdelano: with what? its saturday

mx.mel: with georgie

gdelano: oh

gdelano: lmaoo sorry have fun

mx.mel: thank youuuu

mx.mel: i’ll text you later, okay?

gdelano: cool

SAT 6:30 PM

mx.mel & gdelano message history:

mx.mel: hey

gdelano: THREE HOURS?

mx.mel: well i also took a shower

gdelano: STILL

gdelano: you know what? congrats on the gay sex

gdelano: anyway i am in emotional turmoil

mx.mel: shit, whats wrong?

gdelano: its about the lying thing with jon

mx.mel: that makes sense? you having a hard time keeping up the lie?

gdelano: sort of. the acting part isnt really hard but a part of me just feels like shit whenever i remember that we r faking a relationship.

mx.mel: i see

mx.mel: what do u think is causing that?

gdelano: honestly i think its guilt? im actually friends with jons coworkers now and theyre nice. and the basis for me knowing them is a lie. i know if they found out, theyd be pissed at me. i have you guys, but having friends still feels like a foreign concept tbh. they seem like something thats easy to lose and holy shit would i lose them quick when they realize what i did. again, fuckin pissed at me

mx.mel: only at you?

gdelano: obviously

mx.mel: gerry im gonna be honest, im no good at comforting people. but i do love you, youre one of my best friends and theres nobody else i’d rather work with on the show. i think you should talk to jon abt this maybe?

gdelano: thanks

gdelano: you too

gdelano: and i might. but hes so freaked about it all the time already. idk we’ll see

mx.mel: okay, whatever ur comfortable with. me and georgie are always here for u both

gdelano: i know. thanks

SAT 6:35 PM

mx.mel & georgie! message history:

mx.mel: [screenshot.png]

mx.mel: im worried about them

georgie!: god me too :(

mx.mel: this whole situation is so convoluted it fucking blows. i want to just say like, hey idiots! you can go out for real! its so easy!

georgie!: dont i know it

mx.mel: so close to doing it

georgie!: baby, dont

georgie!: the one thing both of them hate is feeling like other people are controlling their choices. i feel like if we meddle, itll just cause them more grief

mx.mel: yeah

mx.mel: fuck

georgie!: to be honest, im not sure what we’re supposed to do for them. they need us, but they also need to do these things on their own lest they think its not genuine

mx.mel: i guess we just

mx.mel: give em shoulders to cry on

georgie!: yeah

georgie!: hey mel?

mx.mel: yeah?

georgie!: i love you

mx.mel: woww georgie buy me dinner first

georgie!: i bought you lunch!!!

mx.mel: and i paid u back, doesnt count lol

georgie!: the worst, literally ur the worst

georgie!: theres still time to go out for dinner?

mx.mel: okay! theres a new thai place down the block

georgie!: i want hungarian food :(

mx.mel: ughhhhhh

georgie!: please?

mx.mel: ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fine

georgie!: hehe :)

SUN 9:57 AM

jonathan sims & georgie! message history:

jonathan sims: you were right

georgie!: i usually am

georgie!: btw what?

jonathan sims: dont worry i know what i need to do

georgie!: oh? good on you jon! doing it today?

jonathan sims: no today i am sleeping bc i was up for 24 hrs and gerrys warm

jonathan sims: but tomorrow

georgie!: good! proud of you :)

jonathan sims: thanks goodnight

georgie!: and here i should make a comment about how its morning, actually

georgie!: sleep well jon!

SUN 9:59 AM

georgie! and mx.mel message history:

georgie!: hey darling i told you we didn’t need to interfere

mx.mel: i like darling, thats a new one

georgie!: mwah mwah you ARE my darling

mx.mel: :O

mx.mel: i love you!!

mx.mel: also wdym? something good finally happening with those two?

georgie!: [screenshot.png]

mx.mel: oh shit

mx.mel: so he’s going to tell gerry how he feels?

georgie!: yes!!

georgie!: and we know how gerry feels

mx.mel: this is great, seamless transition from fake dating to real dating

mx.mel: knowing jon, he’ll still fuck it up somehow

georgie!: hey!! have a little faith in him

mx.mel: okayyy

mx.mel: :)!!!

georgie!: :)!!!

MON 8:30 AM

jonathan sims & georgie! message history:

jonathan sims: not going into work today. this is stage 1 of my plan

jonathan sims: can you hold onto my phone so i dont say anything before i planned to?

georgie!: ok

georgie!: i was asleep

jonathan sims: sorry sorry! go back to sleep, i’ll leave it in your room!

georgie!: okay

MON 9:30 AM

jonathan sims & gdelano message history:

gdelano: hey jon, let me know when you do it

gdelano: uh. good luck i think?

MON 9:30 AM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

sarchivist: anyone heard from jon? he’s never late and he always tells me when he can’t make it to work…

mkblackwood: haven’t heard from him, no

tiiim: me neither boss

mkblackwood: maybe he’s sick?

sarchivist: maybe, but hes been sick before and he always called in

sarchivist: but i feel like i’ve been so nosy towards him lately, so maybe im overstepping?

mkblackwood: yeah, maybe we need to take a step back? i know i’ve been a bit nosy too

tiiim: well i haven’t, i’m calling him

tiiim: he seemed upset friday. and even if he’s just a work friend, he’s a friend

tiiim: i’ll let you all know what’s going on with him

sarchivist: thanks a million tim!

TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO CALL BETWEEN TIMOTHY STOKER AND JONATHAN SIMS (9:35 AM - 9:50 AM)

TIM: Hey, Jon. You there?

GEORGIE (blearily): Wrong number.

TIM: Uh… Who is this? Where’s Jon?

GEORGIE: Huh? (softly) Fuck… Right number

TIM: What.

GEORGIE: Sorry! This is Georgie, I had Jon’s phone on me and I just woke up!

TIM: Shit, Georgie Barker? Love your show, mate. This is Tim, I’m Jon’s coworker from the Institute.

GEORGIE: Nice to meet you, Tim! You checking up on Jon, then?

TIM: Yeah, he’s skipping out on work today and nobody’s heard from him. I guess this is probably why. Is he alright?

GEORGIE: Oh yeah, he’s fine! Left his phone with me earlier this morning while I was sleeping in, so I’m not sure where he’s at. Sorry, Tim!

TIM: It’s no problem, not your fault he’s got his own thing to do today. Man, sleeping in sounds lovely on a Monday. You make your own hours?

GEORGIE (laughing): It’s pretty great. As long as I put out an episode each week, I work when I want and sleep when I want. Dream job, really.

TIM: Ha! Can’t say I’m not jealous. Hey, also. If you don’t mind me asking, why was Jon at your-

(The sound of a door opening. Footsteps, someone enters the room)

JON: Hey, hey. So sorry to wake you, Georgie, but I think it’s a good time for me to-

(A pause. Brief shuffling)

TIM: Is that Jon?

GEORGIE: Shit. Hey, Tim? I’m gonna mute myself for a second.

TIM: If it’s Jon, can you ask him why he-

GEORGIE: Sorry!

(A loud, prolonged shuffling noise, followed by the sharp sound of a finger tapping the phone screen. Georgie, to her knowledge, thinks she has pressed the mute button. Tim, who is still listening, can observe that she has not)

GEORGIE: Your friend, Tim, was calling. Woke me right up.

JON (apologetic): Ah, I didn’t think they’d call so quickly. I’m sorry, Georgie.

GEORGIE: Fine, it’s fine. What are you up to, though? What should I tell him?

JON: Hm… Tell him I’m not coming in today, and that it’s a personal matter.

GEORGIE: What kind of personal matter?

JON: Well, I was about to-

(He cuts off, likely making gestures that Tim cannot see)

GEORGIE: All right, I’ll tell him and I’m sleeping. Again.

JON: Of course. (softly, now. listening closely, the smile can be heard in his voice) Thank you. Sorry I woke you.

(The shuffling of fabric. The soft, smacking sound of a kiss on the forehead. From Tim’s end, a muffled gasp of shock. An absentminded tap as Georgie “unmutes” the call)

GEORGIE: Sorry about that! Flatmate walked in. Anyway, Jon just texted and he said he’s got some personal issue going on? Didn’t really give details, but if he hasn’t clocked in yet then I doubt he will later today. Sorry again, Tim!

TIM: Um, yeah. It’s no trouble. Bye, Georgie!

GEORGIE: Bye!

MON 9:50 AM

tiiim & sarchivist message history:

tiiim: so uh

tiiim: jon’s fine, apparently he had a “personal issue” and he’s not coming in today. also, apparently he’s real affectionate with georgie barker

sarchivist: well, i’m glad he’s alright. and that makes sense i guess? melanie told me they were close.

tiiim: okay but this was like. weird. even with gerry he’s pretty restrained, gerry’s the one who seems to always initiate the PDA. but i heard jon kiss georgie, either on the cheek or the forehead or somewhere on the face?

tiiim: and like. kissing your friends isnt weird. its affectionate, i’ve done it! its just the fact that jon is doing it. like, before last week i thought he was this standoffish, reserved guy but apparently not?

sarchivist: what are you saying, tim?

tiiim: i don’t think he’d cheat on gerry. he’s a good guy who clearly loves his boyfriend. but you can love two people at once, can’t you?

tiiim: i dont know. just struck me as out of character for him

sarchivist: i guess i can see that? but you know what i think?

sarchivist: i dont think we know him well enough to determine whats in or out of character for him, you know? hes been friends with georgie for years, and we only just started to find out anything about his personal life. i think youre overthinking it

tiiim: ...yeah

tiiim: thanks boss

sarchivist: anytime!

sarchivist: oh? message from jon?

9:55 AM

New Group: sarchivist, mkblackwood, tiiim, & jonathan sims message history:

jonathan sims: Hello all. Just wanted to let you know that I’m not coming into work today. Gerry and I finally broke it off

mkblackwood: what? thats terrible, im sorry jon :(

sarchivist: ???

sarchivist: god jon, im sorry. feel free to take the day off

tiiim: what?

jonathan sims: um yes. we are no longer a couple.

tiiim: you guys seemed so happy together, though?

mkblackwood: ^^ did something happen over the weekend?

jonathan sims: what

mkblackwood: i know you guys were really good for each other, you think its a temporary breakup?

jonathan sims: um

jonathan sims: its permanent. sorry to disappoint.

jonathan sims: bye

jonathan sims left the group!

MON 9:57 AM

tiiim & sarchivist message history:

tiiim: UM

sarchivist: ...YEAH

tiiim: did you see this coming? what the hell this is the last thing i expected

sarchivist: god i know.

sarchivist: hm

tiiim: hey. do u think that maybe. its got something to do with georgie.

sarchivist: i mean. i really really dont like the implications of that but? maybe?

sarchivist: he’s never initiated a kiss with gerry but you heard him kiss her?

tiiim: yeah, she tried to mute the call and accidentally didnt. thats when i heard it

tiiim: his voice was all soft too

sarchivist: hm

tiiim: i know

sarchivist: shit

MON 10:00 AM

mkblackwood & sarchivist message history:

mkblackwood: hey sasha, you good?

sarchivist: yeah martin, im alright. just a bit shocked at jon’s… news. why?

mkblackwood: idk maybe it was a trick of the light

sarchivist: ?

mkblackwood: this is going to sound weird but

mkblackwood: for a second there, it looked like your eyes were glowing

Notes:

uh oh

Chapter 7: reason will not lead to solution

Summary:

mkblackwood: you know at this point i would’ve preferred it if jon was homophobic

Notes:

anything bad could happen and jon will just go "ok bye"

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

MON 10:20 AM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

sarchivist: do you guys think its weird that we haven't gotten any live statements recently?

sarchivist: also elias hasn't been emailing me random clips of video feed from the breakroom to increase my productivity like he usually does, which is also weird…

mkblackwood: what???

sarchivist: oh uh

sarchivist: yeah that's why those plastic fruit are in there. he's got the whole hidden camera thing going on

tiiim: jesus fucking christ

tiiim: also idk, i havent spoken to the guy since he stopped coming down here and having staring matches with me and martin. that was last week i think?

mkblackwood: yeah

mkblackwood: honestly? im not going to look a gift horse in the mouth

sarchivist: yeah hopefully whatever hes preoccupied himself with watching is more entertaining than our shit

MON 10:30 AM

sarchivist & gdelano message history:

sarchivist: hey gerry!

sarchivist: how are you doing?

gdelano: hey sasha

sarchivist: jon told me the news a bit ago, i just wanted to make sure you’re okay

gdelano: oh

sarchivist: its none of my business, i know that. but i just wanted to make sure you know that me, martin, and tim are your friends just as much as we are jon’s friends. we’re here for you

gdelano: ah

gdelano: thank you sasha. i really appreciate that

sarchivist: ofc!

gdelano: it wasnt a messy split, i agreed with jon when he said he wanted to break it off. i dont feel great, but im okay

sarchivist: you know, the one thing that rlly helps me through breakups with someone is talking to everyone who isn’t them. and ive got nothing better to do right now soooo

gdelano: arent u at work?

sarchivist: okay yes but

gdelano: lmao

sarchivist: i think my boss has pretty much given up on supervising the archives so i can get away with not doing anything

gdelano: yr in luck then, im also putting off work

sarchivist: :O!

sarchivist: what are the odds!

gdelano: yeah compiling stories abt ghosts murdering people in cars gets old pretty quick apparently

sarchivist: shit, how am i just now realizing that our jobs are basically the same

sarchivist: supernatural stories, putting together information, recording things, follow-up investigations that break trespassing laws

sarchivist: only real difference is that you get all the adoring fans :(

gdelano: god dont start

gdelano: its very sweet but its so fucking weird

sarchivist: oh nooo people respect and admire you what a nightmare

gdelano: there is porn of me on the internet sasha

sarchivist: small price to pay in my opinion

MON 11:00 AM

gdelano & jonathan sims message history:

gdelano: the story we r going with is that you broke up with me and i was fine with it right?

jonathan sims: yes! is someone asking?

gdelano: yeah sasha is

gdelano: told her that and she believed it so its all good

jonathan sims: good!

jonathan sims: now she’ll likely tell martin and tim, and then its all over and done with

gdelano: yeah

gdelano: thats good

jonathan sims: gerry i really cant thank you enough. this was a really weird and difficult thing to ask of you, but i really appreciate that you did it for me. thank you thank you thank you

jonathan sims: i think i would have lost my mind if not for you

gdelano: always lmaoo its cool

jonathan sims: i MEAN it!! i couldn't even keep up this lie for a week, and i wouldn’t have been able to at all if not for you. nobody else would’ve done this

gdelano: :)

gdelano: goddamn jon is the breakup hitting you that hard

jonathan sims: im being NICE to you!

gdelano: too nice

jonathan sims: never. no such thing

MON 4:45 PM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

sarchivist: i think gerry is going to be okay, just spent the past few hours talking with him and it was a good time

mkblackwood: that's good!

mkblackwood: i've been trying to get a hold of jon, but hes not answering my texts :(

tiiim: man :(

tiiim: they were so good together, and gerrys cool as hell

sarchivist: yeah, i doubt gerry was being honest when he said he was okay

sarchivist: he said it was jon who broke it off so he must be devastated

tiiim: fucking jon

mkblackwood: what??

mkblackwood: we don't know his reasons so i don’t think we should be so harsh?

MON 4:48 PM

sarchivist & tiiim message history:

sarchivist: should we tell martin about georgie?

tiiim: i dont know

tiiim: only told you in the first place bc i dont know if he's got the best judgement w this sort of thing, no offense to him

tiiim: i don't want to lie to him but this is the guy who thought gerry might be pretending to date jon as a favor

sarchivist: oh i remember that

tiiim: ridiculous

sarchivist: a little bit, yeah

sarchivist: i think we should give him a chance to talk to jon at the very least

tiiim: yeah

tiiim: and hey, maybe im wrong

MON 7:59 PM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

mkblackwood: jon’s finally answering his texts

MON 7:59 PM

jonathan sims & mkblackwood message history:

jonathan sims: Hello martin i will be back at work tomorrow dont worry

jonathan sims: There are no problems

mkblackwood: okay, are you sure?

mkblackwood: breakups are hard, and you clearly liked each other a lot

jonathan sims: no its fine its easy

mkblackwood: you don’t need to pretend you’re not having a rough time of it

jonathan sims: I’m not. Genuinely i am not and i have been waiting to do this for a while and its not a sad thing because we weren’t together for a very long time but it was long enough to be an actual relationship anyway i am so glad we separated now the stress is gone and you and tim and sasha dont need to think about it or ask me questions or anything ever again goodbye martin

mkblackwood: this isn’t easing any concerns :(

jonathan sims: why not

jonathan sims: a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and i am so happy

mkblackwood: if you say so

jonathan sims: i do

mkblackwood: good

jonathan sims: good!

MON 8:03 PM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

sarchivist: what's he saying?

mkblackwood: i think he’s just freaking out

mkblackwood: i’ll be surprised if he actually does come in tomorrow

TUES 8:59 AM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

sarchivist: jon’s here

tiiim: how do you even know that, you're nowhere near the door

tiiim: oh shit he is here

tiiim: this bitch

mkblackwood: so much hostility…

mkblackwood: are we still pretending to do work or have we given up the pretense entirely so we can talk to him?

sarchivist: i don't think he’s going to answer any questions tbh

sarchivist: lets see what he does? and then try to corner him during lunch

mkblackwood: sure

TUES 11:28 AM

sarchivist & jonathan sims message history:

sarchivist: hey jon, you not joining us for lunch?

jonathan sims: Ah, no. My apologies. I actually have a prior engagement currently, so I’ll have to skip out on eating with you all.

sarchivist: a prior engagement with whom?

jonathan sims: If you must know, I’ve made plans with my friend Georgie to meet for lunch. I will return before my break is over, don’t worry.

sarchivist: georgie as in georgie barker?

jonathan sims: Yes

jonathan sims: Also bye

sarchivist: hm

MON 11:30 AM

jonathan sims & georgie! message history:

jonathan sims: you almost here?

georgie!: yes im omw. i can’t be expected to get there at exactly 11:30 jon

jonathan sims: you can’t be expected to show up to a place at the time you said you’d be at that place?

georgie!: hush

georgie!: how’d you get there so fast anyway?

jonathan sims: i ran here :(

georgie!: work was that bad?

jonathan sims: yes ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

TUES 11:30 AM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

sarchivist: i cant TAKE it anymore

sarchivist: hey martin we (and by this i mean tim and me) are like 99% sure that jon broke up with gerry to leave him for georgie barker from what the ghost because tim heard them snogging or something when he called jon and now jon is on a DATE with her

tiiim: IS THAT WHERE HE WENT?

mkblackwood: WHAT?

sarchivist: HE WAITED ONE DAY. ONE DAY.

tiiim: FUCK THIS GUY FOR REAL!!!!

mkblackwood: WHY DIDNT I KNOW THIS????

mkblackwood: SHIT WHEN I WAS TALKING TO HIM HE KEPT INSISTING HE WAS RELIEVED ABOUT THE BREAKUP. I THOUGHT HE WAS LYING

tiiim: FUCKING JON

sarchivist: gerry must be fucking DEVASTATED

sarchivist: his bf left him for his friend and doesn’t even care…

mkblackwood: god

mkblackwood: you think gerry even knows? we don’t know what jon told him

tiiim: for all the shit he’s pulled, jon should’ve at LEAST had the DECENCY to be honest

mkblackwood: you know at this point i would’ve preferred it if jon was homophobic

sarchivist: honestly

tiiim: ^^^

tiiim: i feel betrayed and it's not even ABOUT ME

sarchivist: if i find out i’ve been lied to one more time im literally going to kill jon, revive his shitty old man body, and kill him again

mkblackwood: well

mkblackwood: thats a bit much no?

tiiim: no

mkblackwood: right then!

TUES 11:35 AM

jonathan sims & georgie barker message history:

jonathan sims: hey hey sorry can we text instead of talk aloud rn?

jonathan sims: sorry i just

jonathan sims: don’t want to.

georgie!: sure

georgie!: this is a really stupid thing youve done, you know?

jonathan sims: you’re going to have to be more specific…

georgie!: just

georgie!: ALL of it

jonathan sims: i guess so

georgie!: can i just ask questions? because i really don’t understand why you did any of this

jonathan sims: ask away

georgie!: why did you do the breakup early?

jonathan sims: i got scared

georgie!: of what?

jonathan sims: i don’t know. i just felt like something bad was going to happen

georgie!: alright

georgie!: well, why did you lie in the first place? its funny and all but seriously why?

jonathan sims: i had to prove i wasn’t homophobic? you know this

georgie!: bullshit

georgie!: you could’ve just made up a random guy

georgie!: you could’ve apologized

georgie!: you could’ve just said gerry was your ex boyfriend!! and none of this lying would’ve had to happen

jonathan sims: i guess

georgie!: remember around the first week we got together? and my roommate thought you hated her because you wouldn’t talk to her when i wasn’t around?

jonathan sims: …

georgie!: remember how that lasted for like, three days before you noticed she looked upset and asked her what happened? and you were so blunt about it, and later she told me that it would’ve been rude from anyone else, but she was shocked that you even noticed and shocked that you tried to fix it even when you didn’t know what to do?

georgie!: remember when we met gerry and you were the one who would seek him out because he never seemed to talk to anyone else? and he wasn’t talking because his voice was cracking he’d only just gone on T, but he talked to you

jonathan sims: both those things were different. this is different

georgie!: sure, but YOU’RE not

georgie!: i know you make stupid decisions when you panic, and i know you’re allergic to giving sincere apologies to anyone who isn’t me, gerry, or mel, but you’re one of the most sincere people i’ve ever known and you don’t like outright lying. there’s no way you did this just because you thought it was the only possible thing to do

jonathan sims: its stupid, though

georgie!: this whole thing is stupid and i have no idea why you’ve done any of it

jonathan sims: i mean

jonathan sims: i did it because i wanted to. obviously i was panicking and made that stupid decision to text gerry and ask him about this in a haze of misjudgement but even still a part of me just liked the idea. i think if i hadn’t, i never would have asked him. just told him what happened so he could have a laugh. maybe i thought that giving myself this, even under a false pretence, would do something to remedy the fact that i’ve been in love with him for so long. but it didn’t. the whole time we were lying, i was just constantly afraid that everyone at the archives would find out and that gerry would find out and i dont know what i would have done if either had happened. gerrys my best friend, i always want him around. i didnt think this would be any different and in a lot of ways it wasn't, but the new wave of guilt and stress just ruined everything. and i did the breakup early because i didn’t know what else to do

jonathan sims: and now we’re here. the end

georgie!: that’s a lot

jonathan sims: yeah

georgie!: HEY WAIT

georgie!: YOU’VE BEEN IN WHAT WITH GERRY

jonathan sims: I THOUGHT YOU KNEW?

jonathan sims: WASN’T THAT WHY YOU TEASED ME WHEN YOU AND MELANIE GOT TOGETHER?

georgie!: OBVIOUSLY I KNEW

georgie!: BUT I DIDN’T KNOW YOU KNEW

jonathan sims: I ALWAYS KNEW! I THOUGHT THAT BECAUSE YOU SEEMED LIKE YOU KNEW, THAT YOU ALSO KNEW THAT I KNOW!

georgie!: HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT YOU KNEW THIS WHOLE TIME AND THAT YOU KNEW THAT I KNOW

jonathan sims: I DON’T KNOW

georgie!: GOD…

georgie!: this is why i broke up with you

jonathan sims: really? this situation specifically

georgie!: shut up

jonathan sims: ha

georgie!: how long

georgie!: have you known that you were in love with gerry

jonathan sims: i don’t know. it never felt like a new thing, or a shock. i’ve just been aware of it

georgie!: christ. so you know gerry’s in love with you too then?

jonathan sims: WHAT?

georgie!: ah

georgie!: jon i had sympathy for you earlier, back when i thought you were still trying to figure out how you felt. but this is insane

georgie!: you’ve loved gerry so long it feels natural, and the strength of your relationship hasn’t ever changed. how could that be, if he didn’t love you just as much?

georgie!: at the very least you could’ve asked him out for coffee or SOMETHING. even if you didn’t know how he felt

jonathan sims: i could’ve. i felt like i shouldn’t

georgie!: literally why

jonathan sims: because i was already happy with this! i don’t need other things. i have him, he’s happy, i’m happy, what would be the point of trying to have even more ?

georgie!: jon

georgie!: what the fuck is with you?

georgie!: i was already happy the first time i kissed you. i didn’t need it, but i did because i wanted to

georgie!: do you want to be with him

jonathan sims: i mean, i would like it

georgie!: then grow the fuck up. you’re an adult, and you’re responsible for your own life.

georgie!: if you want something, you can just ask for it

jonathan sims: shit

jonathan sims: i guess you’re right

georgie!: so you’ve said

georgie!: after all this youre paying for my food

jonathan sims: sure sure

TUES 11:45 AM

mx.mel & gdelano message history:

mx.mel: hey gerry, you get a chance to look over any of the stuff i sent you?

mx.mel: rhetorical question lmao, i know you’ve probably read it twice over by now

gdelano: not yet

mx.mel: its cool! get thru it before tomorrow, though!

gdelano: sure

gdelano: also scratch the first investigation plan because it is one big fire hazard

mx.mel: you love fire hazards, what’s wrong? :(

gdelano: tired i guess

mx.mel: i can imagine :(

mx.mel: you talked to jon at all?

gdelano: of course

mx.mel: hows he handling the fake breakup?

gdelano: hes perfectly happy it seems

mx.mel: and you?

gdelano: :(

gdelano: i feel like shit and i dont know why

mx.mel: do you feel like something bad happened?

gdelano: i feel like i lost something idk. nothing CHANGED technically except im not lying to jon’s coworkers constantly anymore but i feel. bad. not fun for me

mx.mel: i’m sorry gerry, i hope you figure everything out

gdelano: me too

gdelano: thank you melanie

mx.mel: of course! love you

gdelano: you too

gdelano: i’ll prob just bother jon. that should help

TUES 11:55 AM

georgie! & mx.mel message history:

georgie!: [screenshot.png]

georgie!: are you seeing this shit, beloved

mx.mel: NO FUCKING WAYYYYYY

mx.mel: AAAAAAAAAAAAA

TUES 12:00 AM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

tiiim: is jon back

sarchivist: no

sarchivist: i think he just left and we let him

TUES 12:01 PM

gdelano & jonathan sims message history:

gdelano: jonnnn

gdelano: melanie sent me some outlines and plans for future episodes of ghuk do u want to read thru them w me

gdelano: oh wait youre at work oops

jonathan sims: im not anymore

gdelano: thats a yes then?

jonathan sims: i want to, but im very busy right now :(

jonathan sims: sorry

gdelano: its cool

gdelano: another day i guess

TUES 12:01 PM

jonathan sims & georgie! message history:

jonathan sims: gerry just texted me and asked me go over to his place

jonathan sims: and i was thinking very hard about everything you told me fifteen minutes ago

georgie!: so youre on your way to his flat?

jonathan sims: no i said i couldnt go

georgie!: WHY??????

jonathan sims: I NEED TIME TO PLAN IF IM GOING TO OFFICIALLY ASK HIM OUT!!!

jonathan sims: I FOUND OUT HOW HE FEELS JUST NOW, I NEED TIME TO PROCESS AND THINK ABOUT WHAT TO SAY

georgie!: FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YOUR LIFE YOURE STEPPING BACK TO PREVENT IMPULSIVE DECISIONS AND IT JUST HAPPENS TO BE THE TIME WHERE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT

georgie!: GERRY FUCKING LOVES YOU, DO YOU THINK THIS DOESN’T SEEM LIKE A REJECTION TO HIM?

jonathan sims: FUCK

jonathan sims: WELL I ALREADY SAID NO SO LIKE

jonathan sims: I’LL WAIT AN HOUR AND THEN GO TO HIS PLACE

georgie!: OKAY

georgie!: GOOD LUCK I LOVE YOU DON’T BE STUPID

jonathan sims: THANK YOU LOVE YOU TOO AND I ALWAYS AM

TUES 12:15 PM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

tiiim: fuck, i can’t stop thinking about how unfair this is to gerry

tiiim: you know what? fuck it, ending my friendship with jon to be full-time friends with gerry

TUES 12:17 PM

tiiim & gdelano message history:

tiiim: hey, is this gerry delano? it’s tim!

gdelano: yeah its me. hey tim

tiiim: hey!

tiiim: how’re you holding up, mate?

gdelano: im alright

gdelano: seems like you and sasha have been taking turns asking after me

tiiim: well yeah, we’re your friends

tiiim: and you know what friends are for?

gdelano: i suspect ur about to tell me

tiiim: DRINKS!

tiiim: if you’re not busy tonight, come out for drinks with me? no strings attached, it’ll just be fun and i insist on paying

gdelano: listen tim, i appreciate that and im flattered but like. im not rlly interested atm, sorry

tiiim: NO, don't worry it’s not like that. i wouldn’t try to come on to you the second after you ended a serious relationship, im not a piece of shit

tiiim: i just want to get sloshed out of my mind w you so you don't have to think about anything else that's been happening. i’m your friend and i care about you, you know?

gdelano: well if you insist on paying, then i guess i have to accept dont i?

gdelano: didn’t have any plans tonight anyway. lets drink on a tuesday like divorcees

tiiim: hell yeahhhhh

gdelano: :)

gdelano: thanks tim

tiiim: anytime!

TUES 1:15 PM

jonathan sims & gdelano message history:

jonathan sims: so. change of plans

gdelano: same here lol

jonathan sims: ?

gdelano: going out for drinks w tim tonight, very exciting

jonathan sims: oh

jonathan sims: have fun be safe don’t tell him the truth

gdelano: yeah yeah i got it

gdelano: what was your change of plans?

jonathan sims: uhhhhhh

jonathan sims: ive decided to spend today daydrinking

gdelano: ooh fun

gdelano: i’d invite myself over but like

jonathan sims: yeah

jonathan sims: tim is nice

gdelano: yeah? i know

jonathan sims: good

gdelano: ... good?

jonathan sims: yes ok have fun bye

TUES 1:19 PM

jonathan sims & georgie! message history:

jonathan sims: i should just DIE

georgie!: what?? no! whats wrong?

jonathan sims: i was too late and now gerry has a date with FUCKING TIM

jonathan sims: UGHHHHHHHHHH

Notes:

we've come full circle now

Chapter 8: cry, pray, beg

Notes:

we are nearing the end...
also tw for coercion/forcing someone to speak from "untitled audio recording 1" to "something in the archivist's voice"

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

WED 7:00 AM

gdelano & tiiim message history

gdelano: hey tim wake up you have work

tiiim: ughhhhh

tiiim: i hate you

gdelano: hahahahahaha

tiiim: why did i DO this again my head hurts so bad

gdelano: because im devastated and heartbroken?

gdelano: actually what was it you said?

gdelano: im “mourning the loss of my shithead skinny boyfriend”

tiiim: are you just not hungover? whats wrong with you?

gdelano: never felt better

tiiim: FUCK you

tiiim: i don’t remember saying that… liar

gdelano: lol do you remember anything?

tiiim: i

tiiim: no

tiiim: man…

gdelano: yeah i’d be surprised if you did bc you were fucked up

tiiim: how much did i drink?

gdelano: lots

tiiim: did i ask you any questions?

gdelano: tons of em. all about jon

tiiim: FUCK :(

tiiim: this was you plan all along then? having me forget all your secrets? evil

gdelano: ah you got me. darn.

tiiim: forcing me to drink myself into forgetting… how could you gerry?

gdelano: i didnt FORCE you

tiiim: didnt stop me either

gdelano: :)

WED 9:00 AM

sarchivist & jonathan sims message history

sarchivist: good morning jon

jonathan sims: Good morning! You always seem to know the exact second I walk into the archives.

sarchivist: didn’t see you after lunch yesterday

jonathan sims: Sorry

sarchivist: it’s fine. how was lunch?

sarchivist: how’s georgie?

jonathan sims: Good and good

sarchivist: i see

jonathan sims: Sorry. I’ll make up for my absence

sarchivist: you can try

jonathan sims: What?

sarchivist: well that’s no way to speak to your boss

jonathan sims: Sorry, I just don’t know what you mean by that?

sarchivist: don’t be so nosy, jon

WED 9:02 AM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

sarchivist: oh my god fuck this guy

sarchivist: [screenshot.png]

sarchivist: i’m being as passive aggressive as i possibly can and he LITERALLY doesn’t care

mkblackwood: he seems genuinely confused

tiiim: does he think we don’t know?

mkblackwood: probably

sarchivist: ughhhh

WED 10:15 AM

jonathan sims & mx.mel message history:

jonathan sims: no one is talking to me :(

mx.mel: smart

jonathan sims: thanks melanie you always know what to say

mx.mel: <3

mx.mel: is something up, though? usually you text georgie or gerry with this not me

jonathan sims: i’ve put georgie through enough grief recently

mx.mel: actually yeah you're right. leave my gf alone lmfao

mx.mel: gerry though? he always wants to talk to u

jonathan sims: apparently not

mx.mel: what?

mx.mel: oh right

jonathan sims: a DATE with TIM

mx.mel: i doubt it was a date

mx.mel: like honestly would gerry go out with a guy he just met? not like him at all

jonathan sims: BUT THEY DID GO OUT. HE TOLD ME.

mx.mel: as friends probably

jonathan sims: there’s no way. you think someone would just ask gerry out for drinks alone and not mean for it to be romantic in nature?

mx.mel: i think you’re biased

jonathan sims: i’m a researcher. i’m right

mx.mel: uh huh

jonathan sims: you are no help

mx.mel: right

jonathan sims: ok bye

mx.mel: bye jon

WED 11:02 AM

tiiim & mkblackwood message history:

tiiim: martin please tell me you’re not actually doing work rn?

mkblackwood: no! god no!

tiiim: good

tiiim: what are you doing then?

mkblackwood: found georgie’s personal instagram last night and she let me follow

tiiim: OH?

tiiim: and here i thought sasha was our champion of cyberstalking

mkblackwood: i also know how to use social media tim

mkblackwood: anyway im scrolling all the way to the bottom to get a proper timeline

mkblackwood: she posts a lot

tiiim: any hot pics of jon?

mkblackwood: god i hope not

mkblackwood: okay! ive reached the first post

mkblackwood: oh its her cat :)

mkblackwood: [screenshot.png]

tiiim: that thing is round as hell

mkblackwood: are you bodyshaming a cat? he can’t defend himself :/

tiiim: i’m NOT?

mkblackwood: [screenshot.png]

mkblackwood: the early half of this account is almost entirely pictures of the cat

tiiim: i respect it

tiiim: what are you looking for anyway? i doubt any dirt on georgie is going to be dug up from the social media she allowed you to follow

mkblackwood: honestly? it’s like hatereading

mkblackwood: its backfiring because she seems like a genuinely fun person. complicit in cheating but fun.

tiiim: damn

tiiim: does she post about politics? maybe she’s a tory

mkblackwood: no :(

mkblackwood: [screenshot.png]

mkblackwood: she also went to pride

tiiim: god DAMN it

mkblackwood: [screenshot.png]

mkblackwood: look at this, she’s a cool goth with a cute cat. this sucks

tiiim: at least we know jon has a type

mkblackwood: oh? jon makes a cameo

mkblackwood: [screenshot.png]

mkblackwood: so i guess they’ve been flatmates this whole time too

tiiim: jon left gerry for his FLATMATE…

tiiim: i would kill myself, no joke

mkblackwood: his flatmate AND close friend!!!

mkblackwood: [screenshot.png]

mkblackwood: look at this! they all used to hang out before jon dated them :(

tiiim: GERRY :(

tiiim: hrhgjgjhgjrk

mkblackwood: tim?

tiiim: sorry, i looked up and saw jon at his desk. was filled with violence for a second

mkblackwood: that’s understandable

mkblackwood: [screenshot.png]

mkblackwood: more cat pictures, i guess she found out about pet costumes

tiiim: you know i read somewhere that cats HATE wearing little wizard robes and pointy hats

mkblackwood: did you?

tiiim: i bet that fucking cat wants her dead

mkblackwood: jesus christ

mkblackwood: wait a minute

tiiim: i could find the article if you don’t believe me. it probably even exists

mkblackwood: no no not that

mkblackwood: [screenshot.png]

mkblackwood: read the caption…

tiiim: GOTH JON? EYELINER JON?

tiiim: oh wait let me read the caption

tiiim: “my least favorite ex boyfriend” WHAT?

mkblackwood: I KNOW

tiiim: so they dated in the past… broke up… and got back together?

mkblackwood: that has to be it i guess! nobody is that close with their ex

tiiim: NOBODY is long-term flatmates with their ex girlfriend

tiiim: does this mean gerry was a rebound?

mkblackwood: :(

mkblackwood: WAIT

mkblackwood: HER MOST RECENT POST

mkblackwood: [screenshot.png]

tiiim: IS THAT MELANIE KING?

mkblackwood: “my gf”....

mkblackwood: she posted that yesterday…

tiiim: WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK?

tiiim: SO SHE’S WITH MELANIE KING

mkblackwood: JON FOLLOWS HER, I CHECKED. SO SHE WOULDN’T POST THIS IF SHE WAS CHEATING ON HIM…

tiiim: maybe it's a polycule situation

tiiim: maybe jon cheated on gerry with TWO mutual friends instead of one. fuck thats sad

mkblackwood: i don’t think it is? she hasn’t posted anything like this about jon. why would she give one partner preferential treatment

tiiim: maybe its a privacy thing?

mkblackwood: shit maybe. gerry did tell me that jon doesn’t like being on the internet so MAYBE

mkblackwood: but then, why would georgie have that other post of him in the gothic getup? its literally JUST 10 pictures of him that she isn’t in, and she tagged his account. so surely she’d have taken that one down?

tiiim: fuck you’re right

tiiim: why would jon be worried about a picture of him with his girlfriend being on instagram, but not the goth girl photoshoot he apparently did and is tagged in?

mkblackwood: also, jon clearly liked gerry. i mean, they were genuinely happy and in love with each other when i saw them at 7-11 the other day. why would jon be in a relationship with two close friends but not the third one whom he clearly also loves?

mkblackwood: it doesn’t make sense

tiiim: this is insane. were we wrong? there’s SOMETHING we clearly don’t know about!

mkblackwood: we KNOW melanie is dating georgie. we KNOW gerry likes jon, because he’s an open book. we know jon likes gerry because of how he acts around gerry. we know jon also likes georgie because he acts the way he did around gerry

tiiim: wait

tiiim: DOES he act the way he did with gerry when he’s around georgie?

tiiim: i mean, we haven’t even seen those two together, we’re really just going off a bit of audio and the way jon went out with her and then just didn’t come back

mkblackwood: yeah he left like he was desperate to escape lol

mkblackwood: wait

tiiim: ah

tiiim: was jon going out to be with georgie, or going out to avoid us?

mkblackwood: shit, tim

mkblackwood: i think we’ve made a big mistake

WED 11:38 AM

Sasha’s iPhone: Notes

“there is something he’s not telling me and i don’t understand what it is or why i am so desperate to find out but i cannot stop. of course, i cannot stop my own heartbeat, nor the rise and fall of my lungs in my chest. the flowing of my blood. the itching of my mind, i need to know. i need nothing more than to know. i worry about this deep-seated ache that has taken up residence in the pit of my stomach, twisting and churning and shrieking at the emptiness surrounding it. why am i hungry? i have never felt so starved. he has a story for me. he will tell the archive. he will”

WED 11:39 AM

mkblackwood & tiiim message history:

mkblackwood: what the fuck was that?

tiiim: no idea

tiiim: hold on

WED 11:39 AM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

tiiim: hey boss

tiiim: everything alright in your office? there was like a large, green flash of light? or something?

tiiim: also i heard a click and now some whirring. you doing a statement?

sarchivist: i’m about to be

tiiim: oh okay, we’ll keep it down out here!

tiiim: uh

tiiim: what the fuck?

tiiim: okay i can clearly see that you’re not looking at your phone right now because you’re looking at jon, but why are you grabbing him?

tiiim: WAIT SASHA we found out he didn’t cheat on gerry or anything!! we were wrong

tiiim: aaaaand she’s gone

tiiim: and she’s locked the door. hope she doesn’t kill him

mkblackwood: we should listen in, maybe?

tiiim: oh definitely

untitled audio recording 1 [11:30 AM]:

[CLICK]

(There are sounds of shuffling, a chair scraping the floor, two people sitting down. The Archivist takes a deep breath)

ARCHIVIST: Statement of Jonathan Sims, regarding what he is hiding . Statement recorded direct from subject. Audio recording by Sasha James, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London-

JON: Sasha, what?

ARCHIVIST: There is something you’re not telling me.

JON: Well-

ARCHIVIST: And it is something you want to tell me. I know this.

(There is a pause. Only Jon’s nervous breathing can be heard)

ARCHIVIST: It’s just us, please don’t worry. You need to tell me, and I need to know.

JON: Turn that off, then.

ARCHIVIST: What?

JON: That- you’re recording this. Stop it, please .

ARCHIVIST: What? I didn’t even-

[CLICK]

untitled audio recording 2 [11:32 AM]

[CLICK]

JON (sounding panicked): Sasha.

ARCHIVIST: What , Jon? Oh! Shit, did that just appear?

JON: It’s not you doing it?

ARCHIVIST: No, you watched me turn the other one off.

JON (softly): What the fuck. Sasha, turn it off.

ARCHIVIST: If I do, another one will replace it.

JON: Sasha.

(The sound of a hand sharply grabbing someone else’s wrist, slamming it down on the desk between Jon and the Archivist. A pained noise from the back of Jon’s throat)

ARCHIVIST: I’ll pour water on it or something later, you don’t need to worry about it. Please just tell me whatever it is that I don’t know.

JON (desperately): Why? Why should I? Who are you to me that I owe you so much? Why do you want to know?

(The Archivist’s laugh is soft, little more than a short exhale. Yet somehow, it is cruel and cutting)

ARCHIVIST: Need to know.

JON: What does that-

ARCHIVIST: Jonathan Sims, what are you hiding from me?

(A moment of silence. The choked sounds of someone trying and failing not to speak)

JON: Gerry and I were never together.

JON: We’ve been lying this whole time, this whole week. When you all got upset with me and assumed things about me, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t say anything, because what could I say? I don’t know how to apologize. I don’t know anything. I’m the type of person who gets scared very easily. I jump at loud noises, I worry about everything, I don’t go anywhere alone. Most of all, I keep things to myself. You and I aren’t close. Same with Martin and same with Tim. We’re work friends, and then I leave work and none of you know enough to be a part of my life outside that. So, you can see how afraid I was, right? All three of you figured you knew me well enough to know what I was thinking, and throughout this week nothing has terrified me more than the prospect of correcting any of you with the truth. I’m bisexual! I’ve been bisexual! But I couldn’t just come out, because who’s to say I wouldn’t fuck it up and make it look like a joke. Or worse, if you had all believed me. How could I honestly say that my entire work persona was nothing like me? How could I possibly go about my days as normal with you all knowing me in a way that I hadn’t been able to control? So I pretended to be in a relationship with Gerry, because he’s been my friend for years and it was the only thing I could think of doing that wouldn’t make it worse. He is the only thing that wouldn’t make it worse. So we lied, and did a good job of it.

JON: The relationship was fake, the breakup was fake, none of it was supposed to matter because it was an elaborate short-term lie to do away with a problem. But you wouldn’t leave me alone. And now we’re here. Why are we HERE? Why are you DOING THIS TO M-

ARCHIVIST: I asked you, and you chose to answer.

JON (shouting): I DIDN’T CHOOSE! I DIDN’T

ARCHIVIST: And you chose to lie.

JON: WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE? I JUST SAID-

ARCHIVIST: I just don’t appreciate being lied to.

JON: Sasha, do you know why I wasn’t out at work in the first place? Because I didn’t want to be! That was my choice! And when you, Martin, and Tim misunderstood me, that wasn’t! I didn’t know what to do , Sasha. I haven’t hurt anyone. It doesn’t matter. And now Gerry’s with Tim, so it literally can’t happen again. Please just let me leave.

ARCHIVIST: Hold on, what?

JON: Shit, sorry. I’m sorry, I know I’m being disrespectful and I shouldn’t-

(Something in the Archivist’s voice has changed. A slow exhale, as Jon finds that he is suddenly able to relax)

SASHA: Gerry’s with who?

JON (suddenly uncertain): ...Tim?

(Sasha laughs, and she does not sound like the Archivist)

SASHA: Jon, I am quite sure that he isn’t. Seriously, Tim’s a flirt, but he would never go for someone he thought was mourning a recent breakup.

JON: But they went out for drinks…

SASHA: For a first date? We all know that drunk Tim is the worst Tim.

JON: Huh.

SASHA: Speaking of dates, I guess that means your thing with Georgie wasn’t the dick move we thought it was. Sorry about that, I hope you two are happy together.

(It’s Jon’s turn to laugh)

JON: Me and Georgie? What?

SASHA: I thought- didn’t you have a date with her the other day?

JON: Georgie’s my ex-girlfriend. We’re friends, but the novelty of dating wore off years ago.

SASHA: Oh.

JON (sheepishly): To be honest, I really only went out for lunch with her so I could get away from the Archives for a bit. You all seemed upset, and it was making me nervous.

SASHA: Oh… Um. Georgie forgot to mute the phone when Tim called her that one time, and we thought you were cheating on Gerry with her…

JON: What?

SASHA (apologetic and a bit mortified): Sorry…

JON: I should be more upset, but this does indicate that I did a passable job of hiding my actual personality. I wouldn’t do that. Ever.

(A pause)

JON: I’m sorry I lied. And I’m sorry I was rude to Martin.

SASHA: No, Jon, I’m sorry. I mean, yeah. You did some shit too, apology accepted. But I am so sorry for-

(A chair scraping against the floor)

JON (quickly): Don’t worry about it. I’ll just…

(He trails off. The sound of footsteps, and a door being unlocked)

SASHA: No, Jon, please don’t go. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me, but I-

JON: It’s alright. Um, I’m clocking out early. Bye.

(Jon’s breathing, ragged and unsteady, can be heard. A door closes. The shifting of elbows against wood, as Sasha buries her head in her hands)

[CLICK]

12:30 PM

jonathan sims & gdelano message history:

jonathan sims: are you home?

gdelano: always. whats on ur mind

jonathan sims: can you let me in

gdelano: lmaoo skipping work again? theyre gonna fire u one day

jonathan sims: please dont say that

gdelano: ?

gdelano: uhhh okay im opening the door

gdelano: gonna be real sad if youre not here

gdelano: shit shit you alright? what happened

jonathan sims: i dont want to talk

gdelano: oh my god please dont cry

gdelano: i dont know what to do.

jonathan sims: im not. its fine

jonathan sims: just

gdelano: yeah, yeah of course

gdelano: come here. come in, its okay

gdelano: ive got you

12:30 PM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

sarchivist: hey, sorry about that

mkblackwood: i just saw jon rush out, is he okay?

sarchivist: thats my fault. fuck, im sorry

mkblackwood: whoa, are you okay?

tiiim: ^^^

sarchivist: NO

sarchivist: i mean, im fine. but this isnt about me

sarchivist: actually, can you guys just step into my office really quick?

sarchivist: i have something you both should listen to

Notes:

sasha's eye powers r slightly different from jon's bc they are different ppl with the similar motivations but like. in every universe the plot gets busy and the gay archivist gets mean >:)

Chapter 9: love me, love me!

Summary:

gdelano: u missed me didn’t u?
jonathan sims: hardly

Notes:

gerry’s a white dude with a podcast so of course hes gonna try to impress his crush by reviewing a movie

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

WED 1:00 PM

Excerpt from the transcript of “gerry talking about whatever he wants (secret episode!!)”

(The sounds of movement, of two bodies trying to make space for each other in a chair that’s too small for them both. The quiet whir of a ceiling fan. The hum of a radiator. The soft sound of Gerry’s head hitting Jon’s shoulder and the silence of him keeping it there. The audio, clearly recorded on Gerry’s phone rather than any proper equipment, is fuzzy. It echoes slightly)

GERRY (smiling): Hey there, Jon.

(Jon’s laugh is mostly lost in his tired exhale, but it’s there)

JON: Hi, Gerry.

GERRY: Been dying to have you on the show.

JON: So I’ve heard.

(A pause)

JON: Sorry… I’m not-

GERRY: No, no! It’s fine. I just… It helps me? When I’m… nevermind. I can turn it off if-

JON: No need.

(More movement as Jon and Gerry press closer together)

JON: I don’t want to talk, though. I’m… I’m tired of having to explain myself, really. I keep panicking, saying things, and having everything go wrong and I don’t want to anymore.

GERRY: That’s alright. Don’t have to do anything.

JON: Thank you.

GERRY: You need anything, though? I’m right here.

JON: Yeah, I see you. And - hm...

GERRY: Jon?

JON: I don’t know. I feel… like shit, honestly. But I don’t know that you can fix that for me.

(Jon breathes in and out with purpose. One, two, three)

JON (quietly): ...She said she was sorry.

GERRY: Who?

JON: Nevermind. I think… I’m done talking.

GERRY (softly): That’s okay.

JON: I’d rather just listen.

(Gerry’s smile, now reappearing, bleeds into the edge of his voice. He sounds far away now, almost muffled, as if he’s turned from the mic to speak into the crook of Jon’s shoulder)

GERRY: Well, you’re in luck. I’ve been told I never shut up.

JON: Really? Whoever would say such a thing?

GERRY: Oh, just some guy. He’s a librarian or something, a real piece of work.

JON: Sounds dreadful. Hope he’s not around too much.

GERRY: Quite the opposite. I can’t get rid of him.

JON: I see. Something tells me you’re not trying hard enough.

GERRY: That’s generous. It’s more that I wouldn’t try at all.

(A pause)

JON: See, that’s on you, then.

(Gerry laughs)

GERRY (fondly): There you are. Right, this wouldn’t be an episode if I didn’t get to talking about whatever I want.

JON (teasing): Not going to thank your patrons? For shame, Gerry.

GERRY: This one’s not for them, Jon . It’s for you.

JON: ...Oh.

GERRY: Yeah, oh. Anyway, I have to talk about Train to Busan now.

JON (laughing): Well, don’t let me stop you.

untitled audio recording 3 [1:00 PM]

SASHA: Hey guys.

(Two sets of footsteps, belonging to Tim and Martin. They approach Sasha slowly, as if unsure of how to proceed)

TIM: Why are you-

SASHA: I’m not. Not on purpose, at least. The tape recorders just sort of… show up? I don’t get it, but turning one off just spawns another.

TIM (under his breath): Weird.

MARTIN: Um… So, what did you… What’s wrong?

(Sasha sighs. A slight clattering, the sound of her retrieving a tape recorder from the pile of them that’s been steadily growing under her desk in the past week)

SASHA: It’s this. (a pause) When you both were listening at the door-

(Martin and Tim’s objections overlap)

TIM: What? We didn’t-

MARTIN: We weren’t!

SASHA: I know you were. What did- or, no. I would like to know how much you heard of my conversation with Jon.

MARTIN: Nothing, really.

SASHA (annoyed): Look, Martin, I already told you I knew you were listening. You can’t pretend otherwise.

TIM: No, he’s telling the truth. I couldn’t hear anything either. Just a lot of loud static.

MARTIN: We gave up after a bit. Couldn’t parse a word of it.

SASHA: Oh. That’s good, I suppose. I’ll fill you in from the beginning.

TIM: Yeah, no, I’d love some clarity. Because we just found out that Jon isn’t with Georgie at all, and that we sort of fucked him over.

SASHA: I discovered the same.

MARTIN: He told you?

SASHA: I…

(a pause)

SASHA: I took his Statement, I think. A live Statement.

TIM: So like, he told you? I’m not really seeing the significance of “statement”.

SASHA: He didn’t… Shit, I’m so sorry.

MARTIN (comforting): What are you apologizing for? What’s going on?

SASHA: He told me, but he didn’t choose to. At least I don’t think. I didn’t know. I swear I didn’t. But he spoke like it was being torn out of him, and it’s my fault, and I don’t know what I did or how to fix it. Oh god, I don’t know how to fix it.

(Sasha’s composure breaks. She begins breathing heavily and drumming her fingers on the desk with a nervous speed)

MARTIN: Oh.

TIM: Shit, Sasha.

SASHA: I know. God, I know. That’s why he left. But he explained everything. And I- I mean, the tape recorders… They- Um, I have it here. Everything he said. And, if we all know everything that’s going on, then maybe we can-

MARTIN (quietly): I don’t think we should.

SASHA: What?

MARTIN: I just… I don’t need to know? I know enough, and that’s that Jon broke up with his boyfriend and is having a rough time of it. I’ve already done enough prying and I just feel bad. It didn’t help. It was just like “Oh! He’s a person I don’t know much about!” and I think he wanted to keep it that way.

TIM: Yeah, Sasha. I think we’re good.

SASHA: You never found out that-

TIM: It doesn’t matter.

(Sasha’s exhale makes her sound as if she’s groaning in pain. The sound of something being placed gingerly on a desk, so as not to jostle it any further)

SASHA: You’re right. Both of you are right.

TIM: Now, what I’m still concerned about is that green light shit that was happening. What was that?

SASHA: Hm?

TIM: Like, from your office when you brought Jon in? What was the light coming from?

SASHA: I… I didn’t notice a light?

MARTIN: A similar color was coming from your eyes the other day. I thought I was seeing things.

SASHA: Yeah, you messaged me with that. I was lost in thought, must not have noticed.

TIM: Did you feel similar when you talked to Jon?

SASHA: I did. What are you trying to say?

TIM: I don’t know. But… I think it’s got to mean something. You guys feel like looking through statements?

MARTIN: What would we look for?

TIM: Don’t know. Like, eyeballs, green glowing things, compulsion. Sasha, you said he was forced to speak?

SASHA: Yeah… I didn’t threaten him or tell him he had to or anything like that. But looking back on it, I don’t think he could’ve said nothing if he wanted to.

TIM: We’ll look for that, then.

SASHA (small laugh): We’d be lucky if we found anything of note, really. I still haven’t figured out what Gertrude Robinson’s filing system was.

MARTIN: They’re organized by date, I think?

SASHA: Somewhat. And that’s only the written ones. The recorded statements just live in a big pile in a clutter of boxes.

MARTIN: I could… go through those? Wouldn’t have to file them, would I?

SASHA: Don’t think you could. Thank you, Martin.

TIM: Guess we’re going through the written ones, then. I’ll start with the most recent ones.

SASHA: Great, that’s good.

(A chair moving against the floor as Sasha rises to her feet)

SASHA: Let’s figure this out.

MARTIN: Oh, also.

SASHA: Yeah?

MARTIN: We should all probably apologize to Jon, shouldn’t we?

SASHA (decisively): Yeah, we should.

WED 4:30 PM

jonathan sims & gdelano message history:

jonathan sims: ok i thought you were joking. did you actually go away and fall asleep

jonathan sims: it’s the middle of the afternoon

jonathan sims: who are you? georgie? walking into another room for like one minute and passing out like a child. that is so embarrassing for you

jonathan sims: hold on

jonathan sims: if this is that thing where you’re just waiting in the doorway to scare me i am going to rip your door off its hinges

WED 4:35 PM

jonathan sims & georgie! message history:

jonathan sims: is gerry asleep

georgie!: well i certainly was

georgie!: also i dont know? why would i know?

jonathan sims: sorry

georgie!: you’re not

jonathan sims: just sleep at night!

georgie!: just check on gerry! aren’t you at his flat?

jonathan sims: what if he attacks me

georgie!: what

jonathan sims: like as a joke

jonathan sims: to scare me and then say wow that was so funny

georgie!: goodnight jon

jonathan sims: it is not night

georgie!: die <3

jonathan sims: well. goodnight

WED 4:36 PM

jonathan sims & gdelano message history:

jonathan sims: moment of truth, i suppose

jonathan sims: [photo.png]

jonathan sims: unbelievable

jonathan sims: lying on your bedroom floor, dead to the world

jonathan sims: this is so HZBZHSBJKSJ

jonathan sims: FUCK YOU

gdelano: HAHAHAHAHA

gdelano: FUCKING GOT YOU AGAIN LMAOOO

jonathan sims: i knew you would do this.

gdelano: DID YOU? DID YOU REALLY?

jonathan sims: shut UP

gdelano: BC IT SEEMS LIKE YOU DIDN’T

gdelano: this is so easy every single time. not once have i failed in scaring u

jonathan sims: i hate you

gdelano: today is a good day :)

jonathan sims: >:(

gdelano: fine fine. im sorry

jonathan sims: you are NOT

gdelano: i am not. however

gdelano: actually nvm i have no excuses

jonathan sims: are you a child? you’re not. you’re almost 30. why do you always do this to me

gdelano: maybe if u didn’t jump a meter in the air every time someone scared u, i would act like a normal person

jonathan sims: i don’t jump when i’m startled

gdelano: u DO and its so funny

jonathan sims: ugh

gdelano: lmao

gdelano: u missed me didn’t u?

jonathan sims: hardly

gdelano: liar. anyway come here lie down

jonathan sims: on the floor?

gdelano: with me

jonathan sims: i’m not going to lie on the floor in your room , where there’s a bed

gdelano: boring

WED 4:59 PM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

mkblackwood: one of these boxes literally has cobwebs on the outside…

mkblackwood: [photo.png]

mkblackwood: and there’s only one tape in it?

tiiim: oh my god

tiiim: gertrude robinson really just put shit wherever

sarchivist: that’s so weird lol

sarchivist: tim and i haven’t found anything yet btw :(

sarchivist: maybe that tape is important?

mkblackwood: hope so!

WED 4:59 PM

gdelano & jonathan sims message history:

jonathan sims: seriously, you can get off the floor

jonathan sims: it’s depressing to look at

gdelano: says you

jonathan sims: what?

gdelano: u have been upset. not gonna make u talk about it but like.

gdelano: you were crying

gdelano: if i can help, i will

jonathan sims: i mean

jonathan sims: i don’t mind telling you

gdelano: but do you want to? im not abt to force you to tell me everything

jonathan sims: yeah thats what sasha did

gdelano: she what?

jonathan sims: oh lol now you’re finally off the floor

gdelano: jon

gdelano: please be serious

jonathan sims: i mean like she didn’t technically force me

gdelano: that is not reassuring. jon did she hurt you?

jonathan sims: no no no no she didn’t. she didn’t touch me she didn’t threaten me or raise her voice. she just asked me to tell her everything. and i did because i couldn’t stop myself. so she knows abt the lying thing now in full. and then i left

gdelano: so she asked you?

jonathan sims: she said to tell her everything and i felt compelled to answer. i tried not to. but i don’t think she knew she was doing it? she thought i chose to talk, i think. so like

gdelano: don’t make excuses for her

jonathan sims: sorry

gdelano: don’t apologize either. you dont need to

jonathan sims: okay

jonathan sims: but i want you to know she didn’t try to hurt me. she grabbed my wrist like once but she didn’t injure it

gdelano: you said she didn’t touch you

jonathan sims: i just remembered

jonathan sims: the memory is foggy, like im not sure what all the details were

jonathan sims: i remember being afraid

gdelano: shit jon

gdelano: im sorry

jonathan sims: and you tell me not to apologize

gdelano: no, i mean that im sorry it happened

jonathan sims: oh

jonathan sims: you couldn’t have stopped it

gdelano: ok but still

gdelano: none of that should’ve happened to you and im sorry it did

jonathan sims: i think im alright now. you helped, so thank you

gdelano: of course

gdelano: im glad you left

jonathan sims: yeah

gdelano: im glad youre here with me

jonathan sims: me too

WED 5:15 PM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

tiiim: wowww look at us staying at work after hours

tiiim: just filing away

mkblackwood: UM OKAY HEY EVERYONE HI

tiiim: hi martin?

sarchivist: martin?

mkblackwood: I FOUND SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT SO IF YOU GUYS COULD WALK OVER HERE THAT WOULD BE GREAT

sarchivist: okay well, can you tell me what you found?

mkblackwood: its a recording that gertrude robinson made and i only listened to the first bit and then she mentioned your name sasha so like i think you should hear it

tiiim: holy shit

WED 5:15 PM

gdelano & jonathan sims message history:

gdelano: seriously though, what can i do?

jonathan sims: you’ve already done so much

jonathan sims: i mean that in a good way. you’re good. so thank you

gdelano: yeah but

gdelano: you got hurt

jonathan sims: you are already helping

jonathan sims: actually wait

jonathan sims: can you get me some water or something?

gdelano: that it? yeah of course

gdelano: i’ll be right back

jonathan sims: oh also if i fall asleep please wake me up!

gdelano: sure?

jonathan sims: i refuse to give georgie the satisfaction of me sleeping before dark

gdelano: lmfao alright

gdelano: glad ur feeling better

jonathan sims: yes yes i know

gdelano: ur not going to pretend to be asleep and scare me now are you?

jonathan sims: …

gdelano: gotcha

jonathan sims: ...would you believe me if i said i hadn’t even considered it?

gdelano: no <3

WED 5:30 PM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

sarchivist: FUCK

sarchivist: at least i know? sort of know? what i did. but holy shit. oh my god i used fear powers on jon

sarchivist: i didn’t even know. it felt good

sarchivist: shit

sarchivist: we need to tell him. he needs to know

tiiim: right but, not before we apologize right?

sarchivist: of course yeah but. this is insane. i need to make sure hes safe and i can’t do that if i dont tell him whats going on

sarchivist: but youre right, and i havent contacted him yet because i know im not in the proper headspace to give him a mature and genuine apology like i should but fuck i can’t wait on this? i can’t put it off, can i?

tiiim: sasha, i know what you’re saying but nothing is going to get done if you talk to him while you’re upset.

tiiim: where are you now? you walked out a bit ago?

sarchivist: im in my office

tiiim: breathe, okay?

tiiim: you need to clear your head before you make any sort of important decision

sarchivist: i need to keep you all safe

tiiim: you will, i trust you. im walking over to you rn

sarchivist: okay

tiiim: i think you should head out? martin and i were about to anyway

sarchivist: i dont want to be alone right now

tiiim: yeah me neither. but its worse if you camp out here all night, come on. i’ll walk you home

sarchivist: thanks

sarchivist: let me get my coat

tiiim: sure

sarchivist: thank you tim. let’s go

WED 5:30 PM

Excerpt from the transcript of “gerry talking about whatever he wants (secret episode 2: the second one)”

GERRY: So, I called Jon’s bluff on the pretending to sleep thing. It’d be stupid to jump at me, because I already told him I expected it and also I’m holding water. He’s not gonna do it.

(pause)

GERRY: Which is exactly what he wants me to think.

(the sound of Gerry opening the door, quietly stepping inside)

GERRY (whispering): Alright, moment of truth. And he’s- Oh.

(silence. muffled shifting of fabric as Gerry sits on the edge of his bed)

GERRY (whispering): He’s actually asleep…Well, only one thing to be done.

(Gerry sets the glass of water on a table and takes a deep breath)

GERRY (yelling so very loud): HEY JON, WAKE UP!

(Jon fucking screams. The wild, shifting movements of him bolting upright and smacking Gerry on the arm. Gerry laughs through it. The dull thump of his phone being knocked out of his hand and hitting the bed sheets, now forgotten in the commotion. The audio is muffled, but can still be heard)

JON: Fuck you.

GERRY (grinning): Aw, but I got you water.

JON: At what cost? My life?

(Jon moves about a bit, grabbing the glass of water and draining it quickly. Gerry chuckles softly, and the sounds of movement continue as he brings his head back onto Jon’s shoulder)

GERRY: Didn’t realize you were this tired.

JON: Well. Rough day, right?

GERRY: Sorry I woke you.

JON (bemused): I told you to.

GERRY: Right.

(A pause, as Gerry bites back something he was about to say. There is silence for a second. He thinks hard about whether or not he wants it to be heard)

GERRY (quietly): You know I love you, right?

JON: I do. I love you too.

GERRY: And- And when I say that, I… It’s not like just, um… I’m-

JON: You’re in love with me. I know.

GERRY: What?

JON (slow and deliberate): I love you too.

GERRY: Oh.

(A muted thunk as Gerry lets himself fall backwards on his bed, against Jon’s lap. He slaps his hands over his face)

JON: Yeah, oh.

GERRY: Well, if you knew! If you knew! Why didn’t you say?

JON (defensively): Well, okay! I only found out like, yesterday, so I haven’t been holding out, really!

GERRY: Could’ve said something ‘like, yesterday’ then! How did you- who-

JON: ...Georgie told me.

GERRY: Of course.

JON: But, for what it’s worth, I think I’ve been in love with you for much longer.

GERRY: How long?

JON: Well…

GERRY: How long ?

JON (quietly): Well, how long have I known you? About that long.

(Gerry makes a strangled noise)

GERRY: And you never said. But then again, neither did I.

JON (soft): Yeah.

GERRY: Like, we didn’t know how the other…

(he trails off)

GERRY: But you did! You said you already knew for a bit, and you didn’t throw yourself into my open arms or whatever. What’s with that?

JON (clearly flustered): I was going to…

GERRY: Good start. Well?

(Jon pauses, humming with no small amount of embarrassment. Gerry begins to laugh incredulously)

GERRY: What, Jon?

JON: Well, when I texted you that day… Uh, you said-

GERRY (delighted): No way.

JON: You mentioned Tim and… Well!

(Jon trails off again. Gerry laughs even louder, and Jon yelps a bit as Gerry sits up and holds onto him tightly)

GERRY (murmuring, pressed close to Jon): This is the funniest thing you’ve ever told me. The funniest.

JON: Ugh.

GERRY: You told me you were daydrinking

JON: Are you really surprised that I lied to avoid being embarrassed? At this point are you really?

GERRY: Shit , Jon. You’re crazy.

(For a moment, there is comfortable silence)

GERRY: We could’ve had this a long time ago, you know?

JON: I mean, we kind of already did.

(More sounds of movement and gentle laughter as Jon and Gerry turn to face each other. The sound of Jon’s leg hitting something suddenly. He stops)

JON: Is that your fucking phone?

GERRY: Shit! Sorry, I’m sorry! I dropped it and I forgot-

(It’s Jon’s turn to laugh. Gerry scrambles for the phone to shut it off. It takes him a bit, with all the distractions. The sound of Jon kissing Gerry on the forehead, on the cheek, on the corner of his mouth. With a decisive tap, the audio recording ends)

WED 10:06 PM

sarchivist & jonathan sims message history:

sarchivist: Hi, Jon.

sarchivist: I know you don’t want to hear from me right now, god knows I wouldn’t. But it’s not right if I don’t apologize for what I did. You deserve a genuine apology. Don’t feel pressured to respond before you’re ready, but

sarchivist: Can we talk?

Notes:

hehe this chapter took so long to write bc as i went thru i realized ah. i don't know how to write romance i've never done so... turned out fine in the end i think :)
alsooo i wanna add that i originally wrote this as a chatfic cause i thought it would be easier but MAN the constraints of a dialogue-only story are difficult when ur trying to write anything other than Silly Group Chat! do not recommend it

Chapter 10: say that you love me!

Summary:

jonathan sims: sasha texted and i didn't want to disturb you
gdelano: you never do

Notes:

last chapter...

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

WED 11:06 PM

jonathan sims & sarchivist message history:

jonathan sims: hi sasha

jonathan sims: sorry about the late response, im free to talk

sarchivist: please don’t apologize, you haven’t done anything wrong

jonathan sims: okay

sarchivist: i’m going to say everything at once, you can interrupt at any time or stop me if you need. okay?

jonathan sims: that’s fine. go ahead

WED 11:12 PM

gdelano & jonathan sims message history:

gdelano: you still awake? where’d you go?

jonathan sims: kitchen

jonathan sims: sasha texted and i didn't want to disturb you

gdelano: you never do

gdelano: are you okay? u don’t have to talk to her if u dont want to

gdelano: and i can talk to her. actually no u prob don’t want that, but i can hang over ur shoulder or smth

jonathan sims: i’m okay, please don’t worry

gdelano: i’m not worrying

jonathan sims: yes you are

jonathan sims: she’s apologizing, and she’s not going to ask me anything

jonathan sims: wouldn’t say no to you hanging over my shoulder though

gdelano: ughhhhh okay gimme a minute

gdelano: now i have to get up

jonathan sims: hey, you offered

gdelano: i did cause i was worried bc i love you but its COLD

jonathan sims: i love you too but you have the constitution of a baby

jonathan sims: the weather resistance of a dandelion

gdelano: wow okay

jonathan sims: just stay in bed i’ll come to you

gdelano: :)

WED 11:20 PM

sarchivist & jonathan sims message history:

sarchivist: first off, i want to say that i’m sorry i didn’t do this sooner or in person. i should have apologized to you the second everything happened. i didn’t feel as though i was together enough to give a proper apology until now, but that still doesn’t excuse the fact that you went nearly half a day without hearing from me after what i did to you.

sarchivist: and as for everything i’ve done, i am so sorry jon. regardless of my intentions (which were not to hurt you, but invasive nonetheless), i ignored your personal boundaries and your desire for privacy at work. i abused the authority that i have in the archives and put you in a situation where you were unable to refuse to answer my questions or leave. i grabbed you too, when i shouldn’t have touched you at all. there is nothing i can say to lessen the damage that i have already done, but i want you to know that i am aware that i was at fault for all of it and that you should never have been forced into those circumstances.

sarchivist: but my actions today do not exist in a vacuum. it wouldn’t be fair for me to absolve myself of the guilt of what i did today without also taking responsibility for the uncomfortable situations and invasions of privacy that i’ve allowed you to be subjected to in this past week as well.

jonathan sims: thank you sasha. i can’t blame you for some of the things you thought, though

jonathan sims: i’m no great communicator. i had you all thinking i was homophobic in a work environment with lgbt staff

sarchivist: you were never the issue. the issue is that we thought it, but didn’t actually ask you or talk to you about it. instead, we ended up putting you in a position where you felt the need to ask your friend to pose as your partner just to convince us of something that we could’ve found out if we chose to communicate with you. i am especially responsible for this, because of my position. it’s my job to make sure that the archives are a safe work environment, and i didn’t do that. you shouldn’t have felt the need to lie, and i’m sorry that i caused this for you

sarchivist: tim, martin, and i should have talked to you. i’m sorry i didn’t act maturely and interfere with all the bullshit we caused for you, gerry, and georgie. we assumed the worst of you on multiple occasions and excluded you in conversations. i truly hope your friendships with gerry and georgie haven’t suffered at all from this. if they have, i take responsibility for that. i’m sorry.

sarchivist: i also want to make it clear that you are not required to forgive me if you don’t feel that you should. you deserve this apology because you were not at fault for what happened, and however you choose to proceed is completely up to you. if you’d like to transfer out of the archives or leave the institute altogether, i’ll talk to elias about it and do everything i can to vouch for you.

jonathan sims: this is a lot

jonathan sims: wow um

jonathan sims: thank you sasha. i appreciate your words

jonathan sims: my relationships with gerry and georgie are unscathed, please don’t worry. and i won’t leave the archives, i don’t think

sarchivist: it’s okay if you’re unsure, but please don’t feel pressured to stay if you’re uncomfortable. you aren’t bound to this position.

sarchivist: wait

jonathan sims: ?

sarchivist: ah shit

WED 11:40 PM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

tiiim added jonathan sims to the chat!

tiiim: hi jon

tiiim: i’m just gonna get it out of the way: this is a gc we made like right after the music discussion where we all thought you were homophobic bc we didn’t want martin to not be able to talk to us without u also being there making him upset. but you’re not homophobic, and it was unfair of us to assume the worst of you

tiiim: the things i said and did are on me, i’m sorry i treated you that way. you should’ve gotten your privacy.

mkblackwood: i’m really sorry jon. you didn’t deserve any of this

jonathan sims: oh

jonathan sims: thank you

jonathan sims: is sasha here too then?

sarchivist: yeah, hi

mkblackwood: i genuinely feel awful for everything that’s gone on, but we’re here for you if you’ll have us. it's up to you

tiiim: ^^

mkblackwood: also, how are you holding up handling the whole gertrude tape thing? it’s got to be a lot

mkblackwood: i know when we all heard it, we freaked out and played it back like three times

jonathan sims: the what

mkblackkwood: uh

mkblackwood: did… did sasha not tell you? shit, sasha what the hell?

jonathan sims: what is the gertrude tape

jonathan sims: what does it have to do with me

sarchivist: oh my GOD martin i was literally just typing it all out for jon

WED 11:40 PM

sarchivist & jonathan sims message history:

sarchivist: [ gertrudeaudio.mov ]

sarchivist: here, the audio’s a bit shite because i had to record myself reading a written transcript of the tape. it wouldn’t digitize properly.

sarchivist: but essentially, it's some spooky shit. this is a recording gertrude left in the archives for the next archivist to find, and it's so important that you hear it. many of the statements we read are real (as you may already know) and the things in them are dangerous. she explains everything

jonathan sims: right

jonathan sims: give me a moment

sarchivist: take as long as you need

WED 11:43 PM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

sarchivist: i sent him the audio just now, it’s alright

mkblackwood: sorry :(

sarchivist: no need to be, you’re fine!

tiiim: jon, i hope you’re alright

tiiim: wish you didn’t have to listen to it all alone

jonathan sims: i’m not don’t worry

tiiim: oh, good

jonathan sims: gerry’s here too

tiiim: huh

WED 11:50 PM

jonathan sims & gdelano message history:

jonathan sims: that was all real right?

jonathan sims: you heard it?

gdelano: yeah

jonathan sims: sorry about the texting, but i dont know if i can talk about it out loud. it feels surreal

gdelano: i know

gdelano: i hope this isnt the wrong thing to say but

gdelano: i almost expected smth like this, what with leitners and shit being real

jonathan sims: god yeah

gdelano: wait shit im sorry

gdelano: jon im sorry i wasnt thinking

jonathan sims: im alright

gdelano: youre not

jonathan sims: fine. i’m not, but i think i agree.

jonathan sims: that fucking spider book was real, so why not this?

gdelano: yeah

gdelano: goddamn

WED 11:59 PM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

tiiim: glad you’re not by yourself, at least

sarchivist: take your time with it jon, i know it’s a lot and i’m sorry to spring this on you so suddenly

sarchivist: but know this: i’m the archivist, so i’m going to do everything i possibly can to keep you, tim, and martin safe. and by extension, everyone else. i’m so sorry you’re bound to this job but i am never going to put you in the way of any sort of supernatural power again

jonathan sims: i have a question

sarchivist: of course, whatever you want to know

jonathan sims: when you were asking me about everything, was it actually you?

sarchivist: i mean

sarchivist: i wasn’t a different person suddenly. i was under the influence of the beholding, but that doesn’t magically absolve me of guilt. i think those powers are a part of me, not a separate identity

jonathan sims: part of you or not, you didn’t know did you?

sarchivist: no. martin found the tape hours after you had left and i didn’t know before

jonathan sims: i see

jonathan sims: i forgive you

sarchivist: are you certain?

jonathan sims: yes

jonathan sims: you apologized, you won’t do it again

jonathan sims: i guess it seems simplistic when i write it out, but if what that audio recording tells us is real then i have to trust you. and i want to, so i will.

sarchivist: okay

sarchivist: thank you, jon

jonathan sims: but where do we go from here? what do we do?

sarchivist: ...i don’t know

sarchivist: i think i need to gather information? but i don’t want to take live statements, so i’ll have to figure out some other way to proceed

tiiim: sasha, we’re here to help

mkblackwood: ^^^

sarchivist: honestly i’d like to keep you three out of it

sarchivist: it seems like this is my role

mkblackwood: it’s not just you alone in this, we can help!

sarchivist: martin

sarchivist: how much do you know about gertrude robinson’s assistants?

mkblackwood: not really anything, why?

sarchivist: well. she had three of them, like i do now

sarchivist: and they helped her out with her work, in the same way you’re offering to it seems

sarchivist: now, all of them are dead. disappeared at the very least

sarchivist: i don’t know if gertrude had a hand in that. but i’m NOT letting that happen to you three. i’m not going to protect myself by using my assistants as cannon fodder for gathering intel on something we don’t understand

jonathan sims: this is just a suggestion so feel free to ignore. but gerry’s had an idea

tiiim: yeah? let’s hear it

jonathan sims: what if the people helping sasha weren’t part of the institute?

jonathan sims: or, even better, weren’t susceptible to fear at all?

sarchivist: oh

tiiim: hell yes

mkblackwood: actually wait i’m a bit confused

mkblackwood: i get that the people outside the institute are all the influencers that jon is inexplicably friends with, but who do you know that’s immune to fear?

jonathan sims: hold on let me get someone's permission for something

THURS 1:34 AM

London’s Sweethearts (and gerry) message history:

jonathan sims: georgie and melanie but mostly georgie hello this is important

georgie!: finally you text me at a reasonable hour

jonathan sims: you know what?

jonathan sims: i’m going to ignore that because i’m being serious

georgie!: oh? you okay?

jonathan sims: [ gertrudeaudio.mov ]

mx.mel: jon are you giving us podcast recs at 1 in the morning

jonathan sims: please just listen

georgie!: holy shit

mx.mel: …

mx.mel: what is this?

jonathan sims: [screenshot.png]

mx.mel: holy shit

georgie!: well i mean, at least i don’t have to worry about fear entities terrorizing me

georgie!: WAIT OH

jonathan sims: yeah

jonathan sims: it’s a lot to ask, but i think the archives need allies or at least other people in some capacity

mx.mel: so jon

mx.mel: are you sending this because you think that your friends will be willing to do supernatural field work for your research institute, essentially involving us in an end of the world plot? you think that me and georgie and gerry will be willing to risk our lives for this? do you think i’m willing to dive headfirst into this with almost no basis or prior knowledge?

jonathan sims: oh

jonathan sims: shit, i’m sorry

mx.mel: because YEAH i absolutely am

mx.mel: i’ve seen some of those statements. i could squeeze out an episode of ghuk for each individual one if i tried. this is PERFECT

jonathan sims: oh thank god

jonathan sims: melanie dont DO that >:(

mx.mel: what? you don’t want my help?

jonathan sims: NO

jonathan sims: I MEAN YES I DO

georgie!: omg melanie leave him alone

georgie!: does everyone at the institute know about this?

jonathan sims: only the archives, i believe. and elias

georgie!: i knew that guy was fucked up

jonathan sims: i feel like you couldn’t have predicted this

georgie!: ok no but

georgie!: he called south asia “the colonies” didn’t he? you should’ve known

gdelano: DID HE REALLY

mx.mel: morning gerry

gdelano: JON YOU DIDN’T TELL ME LMAO

jonathan sims: no i figured georgie and melanie would get more of a kick out of it

georgie!: sorry white boy <3

jonathan sims: but also, this is serious!

jonathan sims: will you help? also can i tell martin you’re immune to fear?

georgie!: yes and yes, just don’t tell him the reason im like this

jonathan sims: got it

jonathan sims: thank you thank you thank you

THURS 1:45 AM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

mkblackwood: uh, jon?

jonathan sims: georgie is medically unable to feel fear

sarchivist: like actually?

jonathan sims: yeah thats why shes a podcaster

sarchivist: holy shit

tiiim: this is actually really good? she has a huge platform, she can reach out to ppl to give and get information

tiiim: same with ghost hunt uk

jonathan sims: exactly!

mkblackwood: this is good! things can be good!

sarchivist: yeah

sarchivist: thank you, jon

jonathan sims: you would’ve done the same if i was in your shoes

sarchivist: i mean it, though

sarchivist: i’ve put you through an unimaginable amount of shit, and here you are helping me without hesitation. thank you

sarchivist: and this goes for all three of you. you’re good people, and you’re people i trust. as long as i’m alive, no supernatural entity is going to hurt you.

tiiim: thank you, sasha. and you too, jon

mkblackwood: ^^

mkblackwood: do you think we can just. carry on as normal? i mean, what else do we do?

tiiim: i mean i'm not coming in tomorrow ive already decided

tiiim: or i guess today . it's morning…..

sarchivist: lucky :(

tiiim: can’t skip a day of work, sasha?

sarchivist: whenever i don’t show up early, elias starts texting me the names and addresses of my extended family members -_-

sarchivist: it’s so annoying

tiiim: fuckin freak

tiiim: martin? what about you?

mkblackwood: if we’re bound to the institute, we literally can’t get fired right?

sarchivist: pretty much

mkblackwood: then i guess i could :0

mkblackwood: i don’t want to leave you alone, though :(

sarchivist: aww i mean i welcome the company

tiiim: next time then

tiiim: of which we have many

tiiim: jon? how about you?

jonathan sims: he’s asleep lol -gerry

mkblackwood: oh hi gerry!

jonathan sims: hi martin!

jonathan sims: anyway jons not going anywhere tmrw if i can help it ok goodnight

mkblackwood: wait wait wait

mkblackwood: are you and jon, like, okay?

tiiim: ^^^

tiiim: yeah you guys split pretty abruptly?

jonathan sims: oh uh

jonathan sims: yes

jonathan sims: ok bye xoxo

jonathan sims left the chat!

tiiim: right then

mkblackwood: that was a very jon move

mkblackwood: if they were together then, they seem fine?

tiiim: yeah, seems like it

tiiim: i guess sasha fell asleep at some point too

mkblackwood: it is pretty late. i’m going to head to bed, since i’m the only one actually showing up to work voluntarily and all

tiiim: now who could that be directed at? i wonder

mkblackwood: good night, tim

tiiim: night!

THURS 2:05 AM

sarchivist & gdelano message history:

sarchivist: i’m not sure if jon let you know, but i know about the fake relationship thing. and i’m incredibly sorry for my involvement in all of it. i know about it, but it’s just me.

sarchivist: obviously, i’m not going to tell tim and martin. that’s up to jon. for all they know, you two just had a brief rough patch. but i really don’t know if it’s a good idea to continue the lie…

gdelano: oh shit hi

sarchivist: yeah i probably should’ve led with a greeting

gdelano: it’s cool

gdelano: we’re not

sarchivist: sorry?

gdelano: like

sarchivist: OH

sarchivist: oh i see! i’m happy for you two!

gdelano: thank you :)

gdelano: for real tho im gonna sleep bye

sarchivist: oh, okay! good night!

THURS 7:00 AM

jonathan sims & sarchivist message history:

jonathan sims: hi sasha, did something happen to the archives chat?

sarchivist: OH SORRY, i’ll add you back!

sarchivist: gerry was talking in there from your phone, and i think he got embarrassed?

jonathan sims: ...by what?

sarchivist: [screenshot.png]

sarchivist: don’t worry, tim and martin don’t know and they won’t unless you say something

jonathan sims: ah, i see

jonathan sims: you know, in the spirit of workplace privacy i honestly am not going to say anything

sarchivist: i get that

sarchivist: you two were pretty much a couple to begin with anyway

jonathan sims: don’t i know it

THURS 7:00 AM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

sarchivist added jonathan sims to the chat!

sarchivist: welcome back, jon

jonathan sims: hi :)

tiiim: you people are insane to be awake rn

jonathan sims: we have work?

tiiim: allegedly

sarchivist: tim has decided that he’s taking a day off, now that we know it’s pretty much impossible to get fired from the archives lol

jonathan sims: that’s smart. get some rest, tim

tiiim: i will! i will do that!

jonathan sims: hope you won’t mind if i’m running a few minutes late then sasha?

sarchivist: well

sarchivist: gerry seemed pretty dead-set on not wanting you to come into work at all today so like

jonathan sims: he cannot possibly mean that

THURS 7:05 AM

jonathan sims & gdelano message history:

jonathan sims: heading back to my flat, i’ve got to get ready for work

gdelano: do not

gdelano: i am very dead set on not wanting u to go to work at all today

THURS 7:05 AM

NORMAL PEOPLE FROM THE ARCHIVES message history:

jonathan sims: ...i stand corrected

mkblackwood: enjoy your day, then!

jonathan sims: thank you

mkblackwood: and i’m glad you and gerry worked everything out!

jonathan sims: yeah, me too

THURS 7:06 AM

jonathan sims & gdelano message history:

jonathan sims: what am i to do all day, then?

gdelano: get more than 4 hrs of sleep

jonathan sims: that was you. i got 5

gdelano: oh well in that case!

gdelano: no

gdelano: hang out with me

jonathan sims: …

jonathan sims: i truly can’t argue with that logic

gdelano: :)

THURS 2:50 PM

Excerpt from the transcript of “gerry talking about whatever he wants (secret episode 3: number three the third)”

(The sound of running water, and dishes knocking together as they’re set down in the sink. Jon yawns as he steps back and approaches Gerry. The movements of a chair against floor tiles as Jon takes a seat)

JON: Alright, done.

GERRY (smiling): Thank you. You didn’t have to, you know? It’s my flat.

JON: At this point, I’m over enough to have some claim over the chores. Besides, it was the least I could do after- Oh? We’re doing this again?

GERRY: Doing what?

(Jon taps the edge of Gerry’s phone with his finger)

JON: This. I can’t be that entertaining, who are these for?

GERRY (light laugh): I said it before. They’re for you. Also, for me.

(a pause)

GERRY (quietly): I like hearing your voice.

JON: Well, you’re in luck. I’ve got something I should say.

GERRY: Yeah?

JON: When I told you that I love you, I didn’t do it right. I was- I mean, I wanted to decide to tell you. But with the way it ended up, you told me and I just agreed with you.

GERRY: Well, I didn’t really-

JON: Let me finish. I can do better.

(Jon intertwines Gerry’s hand with his and brings it to his lips)

GERRY: ...Go on.

(Jon inhales, soft and slow)

JON: You are the most important person in my life. You always have been. It’s not new. You don’t know everything about me, but you know me in such a way that everything I’ve ever done comes back to you. I came to you yesterday because it didn’t occur to me for a second that I should go to anyone else. You’re the first one I tell…well, basically everything. I’m always thinking Gerry should hear this, or Gerry would like this , or I miss him . Do you know how long I’ve loved you? I don’t remember what it’s like to feel anything different. I always seek you out. And I trust you. And you’re the only person who can tell me that I’m going to be okay and actually have me believe it.

(Even the air holds still. Slowly, Gerry stands up)

JON: And...yeah. That’s all I have, really. I needed to say it. Um, are you-

GERRY: Jon.

(The sound of Jon being pulled gently to his feet. He hums appreciatively as Gerry runs his hands through his hair, holding tightly to his waist. Gerry speaks in a hushed tone. It is as if the air has been knocked out of him. It is as if he thinks talking too loud will frighten away the delicate devotion that has crawled into his chest and settled there)

GERRY (breathless): I love you. I… (his words dissolve into a lingering grin, muffled as he presses his face into the crook of Jon’s neck)

JON: Well, don’t get embarrassed now.

GERRY: Oh, fuck off.

JON: ...Tell me again?

GERRY: I…

JON (quickly): Or don’t! You don’t have to. Just be here, it’s okay.

GERRY: No, none of that. Ask me once and I’ll do anything. I love you.

(The sound of a brief kiss)

GERRY: I love you.

(With the sound of quick motion, Gerry snatches his phone up from where it sits on the kitchen table, speaking directly into it. His voice is clear and bright)

GERRY (slow and deliberate): I love you.

(What else can Jon do but kiss Gerry sweetly, dizzy with fondness? He wants to, and he does. Again, and again, and again)

[RECORDING ENDS]

Notes:

and there you have it, jongerry supremacy.
for real though, this is the first fic i've ever really written and the first writing project i've ever really finished. i had so so so much fun with it and every single person who commented, gave kudos, and bookmarked this fic have consistently made my day every day. i love u all :) and i hope you have enjoyed reading baby's first fanfic as much as i enjoyed making it.
as for other things, i started a witch au series called cold spot a bit ago and im going 2 update that a bit. im also doing nanowrimo this year, so i'll post my project for that in a few weeks.
thankyou to everyone who read this you are soooo smart <3

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fool me, fool me

orphan_account

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Chapter 1: dear, i fear

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Chapter 2: facing a problem

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Chapter 3: make you do

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Chapter 4: stick to another

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Chapter 5: surely deserves me

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Chapter 6: desperately pondered

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Chapter 7: reason will not lead to solution

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Chapter 8: cry, pray, beg

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Chapter 9: love me, love me!

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Chapter 10: say that you love me!

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