Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

She used to be introverted until Yeonjun, who was all smiles and rainbows, came into her life. Ironically, when they first met, he looked intimidating. She could laugh reminiscing about it, thinking how their whole relationship revolves around their careers. It was there from the start.

Simple black sleeveless tank top and white shorts. Dancing in front of their gigantic mirror, barefooted. He was skilled. Too skilled. He undoubtedly deserved the title he coined: Bighit’s Legendary Trainee.

Sooji will never forget how naturally he first spoke her name. It was almost as if he’d been waiting his entire life just to say it.

“Are you working hard for it, Sooji?” The voice echoed the room. “It doesn’t matter how long you practiced but it’s how you going all out every time you do.”

She learned a lot from him, you know? From dancing and rapping, he was the man you would run for help. Well, Sooji technically didn’t even have to run towards him because his hands were ready to catch her.

He’s always been like that. Giving and giving and giving. It was her fault that she had lost track. That Sooji focused on herself and what the people, who she didn’t know, would think of her instead of cherishing the ones who were closer. He’s always been selfless and she has always been selfish. They both knew that but he insisted to adjust everything for her. She always has been the bad guy.

To Life lessons. Sooji was the type to be the person that is silent yet wanting to be praised by others. She had standards but Sooji wanted to reach the spectators’ expectations more. Though, she’d push anything away from her just for her ego.

She’d choose her pride than experiencing heartache, than showing people that she was in despair. Her ego was her religion. Sooji was stubborn but Yeonjun eventually taught her to lean on him instead of herself. Baby steps, they’ve achieved it. Or so she thought.

Yeonjun pushed her into thinking that whatever the netizens may claim, it can’t and won’t control them. It was too ideal. They believed in false hope too much. Because reality speaking, what really happens when the world looks at you as if you’re doing something wrong: you start to believe it.

“You can take the risk with me, Jiji. We’ve done this before.” His voice was strained but he kept his fighting spirit. The optimistic one between them.

“It’s best what we have now,” Sooji said muttered as she tried not to show any emotion. “That way we can stop this from going further.”

“Is there any way I could change your mind?” He asked like he was begging for another answer, letting out a muffled noise. He held on her wrist closely as if he was getting the strength on the tiny accessory that was wrapped on it.

“None.”

None. There were too many things against them.

During that time, she held on to it more, her last resort. Sooji knew she’d come back to Yeonjun if she didn’t put her walls up. She thought it was a good decision for them both. 

She thought she was doing it for the both of them.

It was her fault. 

Her fault.

Guilt washed through her entire being. She was breaking down. For the first time in her life after her father’s ghost of the past, she was crying.

She was crying because of him.

For the only man, she has ever been romantically in love with. 

He was in pain. Sooji knew him so much that she could hear his faint sobs as he tried to sing the song flawlessly. She was staring blankly at the cover photo in Soundcloud. It was him in his studio room. Sitting on a desk chair. Surrounding him were his desktop set, speakers, microphone stand, and piano. He was wearing an all plain black outfit: coat, shirt, slacks, and leather shoes. He was crossing his legs and tilting his head downward and because of the cap he was wearing, lips were the only ones evident. It was filtered black and white. 

Visuals and vocals. It was painfully perfect.

It was painfully perfect to have that song sang by Choi Yeonjun himself. Her it boy.

“Let the song cry.”

Was  her  it boy.

Chapter Text

Pre-debut. 2018.

She doesn’t even know where to start. There are too many things bugging her mind. Funny enough, she can’t even look at her face in the mirror.

“Relax, Ji. You’re gonna be okay.” her brother soothes.

The female looks at her attire: black thrasher large tee and biker shorts, wise choice of using her checkered vans slip-on that would be comfortable for practice later.

Groaning, she peers at her brother through the mirror. “Are you sure, Binnie? What if I get bullied?” 

The tall man lays a hand on her right shoulder. “And you think I’ll let them?”

“So scary, bunny.” she knocks at. Soobin just rolled his eyes knowing that she was right.

“Your brother has the right to be stressed. You look so beautiful!” Sooyoung compliments, leaning her shoulder on the door while her arms crossing. Sooyoung is there long enough to watch her children bickering non-stop. It is a nice view actually, knowing that had gone out of the house to live in their own dorms. The week is one of the rare moments when both of the teenagers aren’t busy and slept at home. “Go to school now, both of you.” 

“Let’s go.” Soobin nudges her panicking figure while she fixes her things ironically in chaos. “Calm down, you animal. You’re not even going to attend school every day.”

“You’re not gonna practice, Soobin?” Sooyoung asks while taking steps downstairs.

“I will. Yeonjun and I are gonna go first. Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Hueningkai will have to fix their class schedules.” 

Sooyoung perkes up at her brother’s statement. Even though they are close, she hasn’t met Soobin’s friends but Hueningkai.

“Yeonjun is your sunbae, right?”

Soobin nods casually. “Yeah, he’s a batch higher than her.” 

“College. Means he’s not the same liner as your sister.”

“No.”

Sooyoung sighs in disappointment.

Sooji stops in front of the car, her eyebrows curling. “Why, eomma?”

“You’re not liners with him.” Soobin answers, annoyed by the fact that his mother favored Yeonjun too much. Don’t get him wrong though Sooyoung’s bias is a bit over the line.

They both place a peck on their mother’s cheek before stepping inside the car. Their mother’s sudden pang of distaste confused Sooji for a moment, losing herself in thoughts.

“Have fun!”

Sooyoung’s natural long jet black hair sways as the Sooji glances at the side’s mirror. People would say she’s the carbon copy of her mother. Sooji likes to believe that way but she couldn’t. Sooyoung is just a goddess compared to her. Every time Sooji looks at her, she’s amazed by Sooyoung’s beautiful and delicate features. Also the reason as to why Sooji doesn’t want to cut her hair, wanting to keep it long because it exposes her long curly lashes. Hoping she would truly look like her birth giver.

“Who’s Yeonjun?” she questions in fake innocence.

Sooji is aware who Yeonjun is because basically, he’s the role model of trainees from different labels. Sooji’s co-trainees have been talking about him for being BigHit’s Legendary Trainee. Always snatching the first rank in all categories.

Who does that?

Sooji stares at the mirror once again. observing the rays of sun shining on her natural dark eyes.

Soobin annoyingly taps her head.

“Yah!”

Since the start of their teenage years, Soobin stepped up to fill in her father. Their father who cheated on their mother when they were twelve. The night of the revelation was clear as crystal in her head, so many tears and hurtful words. 

“Sooji, let’s go.” Soobin smiled, his lips were quivering so badly.    

Sooji knew better than anyone that it was fake. She knew something was not right in our home, not when she saw her father’s things were messily packed.    

“How dare you do this to us?!” Sooyoung’s face was full of tears and rage.

“It’s not what you think!” Dowon pursued, shielding himself as Sooyoung threw his things hysterically.

“Soobin?” Sooji called with a questioning look on her face. Soobin was terrified. The little girl was as the same. “Is appa leaving us?”

“I don’t ever wanna see your face again. Even the twins won’t! You disgust me!” their mother's voice thundered the whole house.

They've never heard her yell like that her whole life.

Soobin swallowed a lump on his throat, still wrapping his arms around Sooji’s fragile body. “I don’t know.”

That moment, they knew, Soobin was gonna take over their father’s place.

“Let me see my kids first!” The last word she heard from their appa before Soobin finally managed to get her inside her room.

Sooji was young but she wasn’t naive. She understood what happened and it made a huge impact on her to the point that she refuses to meet boys. They frighten her, and Sooji’s existence only revolves around her twin brother. Sooyoung protected her from the boys in this world. Though, Sooji thinks she harbored her too much when Sooyoung decided to send her to an all-girls school since that incident. 

“She’s also transferring schools,” Sooyoung informed them. They were eating quietly on the dining table very unlikely back when their family was complete. The tension was always all over the place and the air was suffocating them so much from the sudden plot twist in their lives. No one expected this to happen. Their parents were in love with each other, and they were a happy family. 

“Where?” Sooji asks, quietly grabbing her glass of water to drink upon the apprehension.

“Kyunggi.”

Soobin dumped his utensils, failing to suppress his emotions. “All girls? Don’t you think it’s too much, eomma?”

“She can do it.”    

“We can be on the same campus. That way I’ll protect her.” Soobin bartered.

“Soobin, you said you wanted to be an idol? If you become a trainee, you know you’ll take online classes?”

“Eomma?” Sooji pleaded to stop them from arguing because of her. “I wanna be an idol too.”

The twins stared into each other’s eyes as if there was telepathy going on between them. Soobin was gonna fold his dream but the other didn’t want to. Sooji was still yet to know what she wanted but she was ready to let go of her future dream to follow the same path as her brother if that what it took for Soobin to be happy again. She knew how important it was for Soobin, he would talk about it with her with stars glittering on his eyes every day.

“Fine. But on senior high.”

“Eomma!” they both called with so much desperate in their voices.

“Enough! Sooji will transfer to your school when she graduates high school! In the meantime, she will attend her classes in Kyunggi!” Sooyoung convicted with so much superiority which led them no other choice but to settle down.

Sooji was bored in her alone state. It was a normal day when Sooyoung drove Soobin to BigHit for him to audition. The little girl sneaked her way inside her mother’s room only to look for her spare phone to text her father. But Sooji was taken back when she saw a picture in her gallery. It was a picture of Dowon holding a baby. 

It wasn’t Soobin. Nor her.

Until then, she knew what happened. she had mental trauma and vowed not to get emotionally attached to other guys because she realized... they will just hurt her feelings. Sooji learned that because the first guy who hurt her so much was... her own father.

Soobin’s laugh brought her back to reality. “Stop thinking. You’re both out of your leagues.”

“Huh?”

Soobin continued to laugh without saying anything. Their topic changed about how her class system works and other things she needed to know.

“Since we’re still trainees, our classes would be blended face-to-face and online,” Soobin explains.

Sooji flicks his head. “Aren’t you gonna debut next year? It’s March now.”

“Yah! Don’t disrespect your big brother!” Soobin grunts, caressing his forehead where he felt the fleeting pain.

“We’re twins.”

“Just remember not to be too ignorant about things, okay?” Soobin cues as he turns off the car’s machine. “Especially with boys.”

Sooji’s lips forms into a thin line. Soobin goes out of her car and brings her bag. Two people suddenly walked towards them.

“Soobin!” a man with brown hair and sleek jawline greets her brother.

“Taehyun, how are you?” Soobin asks in joy.

Taehyun snorts at that. “Fine. The short break was relaxing! I’m still waiting for Ningning to get to our class.”

“For real. I spent her time with so many anime!” Soobin says which made them laugh. “By the way, this is Sooji, my twin.”

“Nice to finally meet you, Sooji!” Taehyun greets her. “I only see glimpses of you whenever you visit Soobin at our dorm but I haven’t had the chance to meet you officially.”

“It’s because Sooji's shy.” The girl beside him sneaks her way into the conversation. “I know her, we’re both trainees!”

Sooji looked at the other female. Her hair was bleached on the lower strands. She’s pretty even with her strong features and a foot taller than her.

“Sooji, right?” Sooji shyly nods while shaking their hands. “Ryujin, in case you didn’t know?”

“No, no. Of course, I know. You’re amazing!” She bluntly replies, mentally earning a face-palm.

“You are too!” Ryujin says before turning to the side. “Soobin, your sister is a shy mess but let me tell you she is exact the opposite inside the practice room.”

“Figured,” Soobin reacts with a proud face plastered on his face. They start walking towards her building. The students are probably aware that some trainees and idols are studying here too because the school has quite the reputation.

“You’ve been a trainee before, right? Why did you just transfer schools now?” asks Taehyun.

“She’s sheltered,” Soobin answers shortly.

Though, people can’t help but look at their group. Sooji steals a glance over her shoulders and sees few of the students look as if they are waiting for someone to walk with them. Was this group always getting attention?

“Since when did you start practicing?” Taehyun further inquires.

Sooji rubs her neck before she speaks. “Two and a half years ago, I auditioned for JYPE.” 

“Yeah, she’s really feisty. At first, I didn’t allow her cause it’s too draining but she sported her puppy eyes the whole week!” Soobin exclaims, making Taehyun and Ryujin chuckle.

“Well, it was a good decision. I think she’ll become a great idol!”

“I second that!” Ryujin pokes her. “We’ll debut together, you know.”

“I hope so.”

“Nope. You both will!” A man smaller than Taehyun stands beside Soobin. He looks at Sooji and smiles widely. “Hi, I’m Choi Beomgyu!”

Sooji’s heart races but she tries so hard to compress it. Choi Beomgyu is attractive. The shape of his face looks round because of his hair. They also almost have the same black irises. His nose is perfectly on set and his lips are in the shade of pink.

“Gyu!” 

“What’s up, people of the world!” 

Sooji’s eyebrows creased when she saw their handshakes. It was so.. chaotic. Their hands were all over the place and they were turning around so much.

“It’s their signature handshake,” Ryujin informs her with a small smile.

“Where’s Yeonjun?” Soobin finds.

“Maybe flirting!” Beomgyu quipped.

Taehyun smacks the back of Beomgyu’s head. “Yeonjun? Flirting?”

“What?” Beomgyu makes silly faces.

“We all know he’s extroverted but he panics and put on a straight face when girls flirt him,” Soobin comments while ruffling Beomgyu’s hair.

“Bin!” Beomgyu complains as he fixes his hair.

“Facts. He’s only comfortable with me cause he knows he isn’t my type.” Ryujin adds.

“And who’s your type?” Beomgyu asks playfully, moving his eyebrows vertically like a creep.

“Shut up.” Taehyun savagely blocks.

Soobin notices his phone. “Speaking of, he texted me.”

“What did he say?” Taehyun asks, controlling Beomgyu who wants to peek over Soobin’s phone.

Beomgyu chuckles, nudging Soobin’s chest annoyingly. “Bet you five bucks, he’s whining.” 

“He’s whining,” Soobin declares openly and  Beomgyu screamed. “He’s waiting for me at the car park. We have practice while you kids study.”

Ryujin nods. “Sooji and I will go now. We have to get our schedules too.”

They stop at a six-story high building. The design of the building is very European, painted with shades of dirty white to give an expression of a castle.

“Go to your classes, Ji,” Soobin says, pecking her on the side of her head after giving her her bag and keys. “Take care of the car!”

They all wave their goodbyes as Soobin goes out of the building while Beomgyu and Taehyun take off to find Hueningkai who apparently was dropped off by Yeonjun. 

The girls continue to walk towards the administrator’s office. “So... Kyunggi? All girls?” 

“What?” Sooji gapes in shock. She doesn’t remember telling Ryujin about her former school. They halt in front of a counter and Ryujin thankfully volunteers to talk to the person who’s in charge. 

“I can feel how hard you will cope up to your new environment.” Ryujin trails. “I was also from Kyunggi, have you noticed?”

Sooji’s neutral face turns into shock. “Really? I-”

“Yeah. I’ve known you since. We’re in the same batch, even though you’re a year older than her because I studied too early when I was a child.” Ryujin shares while they were waiting for their schedules to be given. 

“So, we have the same classes?” Sooji asks, tapping the side of her legs anxiously.

Ryujin nodded, looking at her reflection at the window, fixing her cool hair. “I looked upon you back in Kyunggi. You’re sensible but you’re so shy and soft. I honestly couldn’t believe it when you stepped inside the practice room and danced to  City Girls  by Chris Brown.”

“Oh... that.” Sooji covers her face in embarassment, remembering the day she first performed in front of her co-trainees and other higher-ups.

“Don’t  that  me, Sooji! Do you know how awesome you were?!” Ryujin excitedly stated. “You almost made the other girls have a heart attack. They were so nervous!”

“You’ve known me since but you didn’t say anything.” Sooji sulks on her spot.

“Stop pouting! I always give you water every break but I just don’t know how to approach you more. You look intimidating since you’ve been a trainee.” Ryujin argues, raising her hands as a form of surrender.

“I do not!” Sooji let out a small laugh. But no kidding, she always feels left out. Her social skills aren’t exactly high to make it any better.

Ryujin looks surprised at her sudden burst but she just nodded along to keep it going. “You’re aesthetic is street-style and grudge. Very different from the other trainees. You always stand out even when you don’t try to.”

“I just like wearing Soobin’s clothing.” Sooji defends herself with her hands on her waist.

Ryujin chuckles. “It fits you. Although, I think you’ll still pull off the stereotyped fashion style, Sooji.”

The clerk gives their catalogs. As it turns out, they only come to the university when they have their practical exam but the rest is modular.

“You can call me Ji.” Sooji tells out of nowhere. 

“I’m sorry?” Ryujin laughs nervously, thinking if she said something wrong that made her say something so welcoming.

“It’s cool.” she thinks out loud. “Besides... we’re friends, aren’t we?”

Ryujin’s eyes sparkles at the implication. “Of course!”

Chapter Text

“And that’s a wrap!” Bae Dabin, their head trainer for choreography, shouts after their last movements.

The trainees automatically slump on the floor and the others to the wall, frantically catching their breaths. Sooji laughed beside Ryujin. “That was so fun!” 

“How... how dare you call it fun! It’s so tiring!” Ryujin whines, weakly reaching out to the nearest bottle of water, looking as if she was going to be dehydrated anytime soon.

“I saw you laughing while dancing!” Sooji accuses, pointing a finger at her with the same lack of energy.

“You looked like you were having a time of your life dancing to Playing with Fire, Ji.” Yuna, their co-trainee, implies. She was one of the youngest trainees but it didn’t stop her from snatching high ranks during monthly evaluations. Yuna has so much charisma that is sophisticated for an underaged teen like her, and her charming appearance with her big doll eyes helps her be in the way too.

“Fine, I enjoyed it!” Ryujin finally confesses, still snatching her breath after drinking water.

“Listen, girls,” Dabin called out everyone’s attention. “You will all have stricter individual evaluations every week. As you all know, the next girl group JYPE will be debuting will only consist of 5 members. And how many are you?”

“126!”

“126 and only 5 will remain. We will finalize the members by the end of September.” Dabin further states, giving goosebumps on the poor trainees’ skin. “Go home and rest. See you tomorrow.”

Sooji sighs heavily as she walks out of the practice room. Her legs practically giving up but she is already used to this. Then she takes a quick shower, which she’s grateful for JYPE for having such facilities, and changes into a gray hoodie and her black shorts that are only an inch above the knee.

“Sooji-”

Sooji gives her a look warningly. “Yah! Don’t kill me.” Ryujin laughs, raising her hands in front of her in resignation. “I mean— Ji. The boys texted me to visit them.”

Eyebrows furrowed, Sooji asks. “And my brother didn’t tell me this?” 

Ryujin pouts and looks away. “Soobin said he flooded your phone but knowing you have your notifications off.. so...” 

Sooji scrunches her nose out of mannerism. Ryujin’s eyes peek up when she caught it. “It’s a habit!” Sooji covered her face again which made the younger giggle.

The girls get inside the elevator together with some of the newly debuted boy group. They bow to them as a sign of greeting and respect since technically, they are their seniors. Sooji gives them a small smile that she doubts they saw since she has her hoodie over her head.

“Hey, Ji.” the guy with light brown hair greeted.

“Back off, Jin. She’s Soobin’s sister.” Ryujin offensively claims, cowering over Sooji to get her out of his view.

He lifts his hands in defense and rolls his eyes. “I just wanna be friends. Chill out, Jin.” 

“Jokes on you.” Ryujin raises her eyebrow. 

“I haven’t even introduced myself?” the man asserts in amusement.

Ryujin veers to her. “He’s Hyunjin. He’s bad news.” 

Hyunjin and his two members laugh out loud. They even jab Hyunjin to be near her.

“That’s not even true—”

“Honestly, Hyunjin?” banter the STRAY KIDS members.

“That’s not even my intention!” Hyunjin upholds in frustration, his face crumpling. “I really want to be friends.”

“Are you for real saying that line to Choi Soobin’s sister?” Ryujin flares out laughing, disbelieving Hyunjin’s bluntness. Can’t blame her when BigHit trainees are also famous even if they aren’t part of the big three companies.

“Bro, you know Soobin’s friend is Yeonjun?” the playful-looking guy interrupts. 

“BigHit’s Choi line will riot you down here. I’m telling you, brother. You wouldn’t wanna try.” His other member puts in, trying to coax Hyunjin’s mind. “They’ll come for your neck when they debut.”

Anyway, speaking of the Choi line being mentioned, they’re famous because they are one of the trainees that are expected to debut soon. People are anticipating them so much. All while on the underground level, the trainee level, they are the kings that no one wants to play with, along with their maknae line; Taehyun and Hueningkai.

Last two years, someone tried to battle underground using freestyle and Yeonjun volunteers to be their company’s representative. Let’s say all the dancers who were courageous enough went home like fallen soldiers. People started talking about Yeonjun since then, and the term  Bighit’s Legendary Trainee  brought to life.

Yeah, no one wants to mess up with them. 

Hyunjin whistles in disappointment. “I just want to be friends with her and you’re spilling her these? Changbin and Han, I despise both of you.” 

“Sorry, dude. I’m friends with Yeonjun, can’t blame me for knowing the man.” Changbin defensively remarks. “‘Sides, doing this for you.”

”Absolutely.” Han chimes with teasing.

The elevator rings, signaling they’re on the ground floor. Sooji quickly bows to them, a bit uncomfortable being in a small space full of blustering testosterone. “Congratulations on your debut.”

Ryujin bows the same before linking their arms, getting away from the boys.

“I’m really interested, Ji,” Hyunjin shouts which made his members tackling him for being too loud.

Ryujin scoffs.

“Is he really bad news?”

“No, I was kidding earlier. He’s really nice to befriend. But Hyunjin’s one of my best friends in this industry. I know his type and that’s you.” Ryujin answers truthfully, shrugging her shoulders.

Sooji opens the car, and they get inside. “That can’t be true.”

Not gonna lie, Hyunjin’s really something.

“He went inside our practice room once cause he needed something from our choreographer. We were practicing that time and he saw you danced. He got hooked, I guess. Ever since he would make an excuse to see you but you are so busy with yourself that you don’t even notice.” Ryujin laughs.

“That bad?” Sooji chuckles alongside her while steering the wheel and driving towards Soobin’s dorm.

“Yeah and if you ever both work out, it’ll be hell. He’s an idol now and you will be too. Lucky for you both if the agency sees your chemistry but if it goes the other way, you can’t even imagine.” Ryujin implies which makes her nod.

Just thinking about it makes goosebumps crawl under Sooji’s skin. She wouldn’t want to experience such a thing, would she?

“Though, I did that not because of that reason. I did it for your overprotective brother.” Ryujin coughs as she goes through her phone to select songs to put on.

It’s been almost a month since Ryujin and Sooji were friends but Sooji feels at ease and continues to grow fond of her. Not to be dramatic but she’s her first best friend. Sooji always settles with herself and only confides with Soobin (when she really needed to). But having Ryujin now really makes her feel not alone.

Sooji wiggles her head, tapping on the steering wheel as they listen to whatever Ryujin is connecting on the radio. “Of course, Soobin.” 

“Caught in a lie~”

“Did Beomgyu lie to you?” 

Ryujin was belting the high notes but proceeds to choke when she hears what Sooji said.

“B-Beomgyu, what?!” Ryujin stutters, eyes shape like she has seen a ghost.

“Aren’t you dating?” Sooji innocently questions. She isn’t totally aware of this kind of aspect in life, knowing what happened to her past she just doesn’t wanna try.

“I’m completely single, for your information!” Ryujin exclaims, flushed red appearing on her face.

Sooji smirks when she catches how rosy her friend’s cheeks are despite successfully parking the car in front of the building. “Then date him.”

“Yah, Choi Sooji! Where is my shy Choi Sooji? Come back!” Ryujin stomps on her feet as they walk towards the familiar room number.

Sooji tries so hard to keep a straight face while ringing the doorbell but it’s hard when Ryujin is acting extra childish when it comes to Beomgyu. 

“Cheongdam-dong sisters, how are you both?!” Hueningkai greets ever so joyfully as he opens the door. 

“Hueningkai! Is it them?!” Sooji hears her twin brother over the blasting loud music. She exchanges a questioning look with Ryujin.

“Perks of having soundproof walls,” Ryujin mutters, shrugging her shoulders.

Hueningkai shouts back before gesturing them to come inside. “Sorry. It’s Yeonjun. He’s in the mood for extra dance workouts.”

“You know him. Our instructors already made us come home to rest but he’s a beast himself,” informs Taehyun who appears beside their youngest. “How was practice?”

Ryujin and Sooji both groan. “Why would you ask?”

They step inside the living room. Sooji spots Soobin standing beside a man who’s a little smaller than him. He’s wearing a simple black tank top and white shorts. The man is facing the wall mirror and watching himself dance.

Sooji’s heart skipped a beat when she seizes on how good he is at popping. Freestyling makes it more appealing. From a dancer’s point of view, she’s already falling in love with the moves he is dancing into as it gracefully portrays the R&B melody.

“Ask what?” Sooji hears a faint voice speaking, but she’s too engrossed with what she is watching. Too focused to get distracted. Too distracted to get focused. “Ji?”

Sooji and the man in outrageous tank top stare into each other’s eyes when he notices Sooji looking over him through the mirror. Eventually when he realizes they have visitiors, he stops dancing and palms his phone to turn off the music.

“Nothing,” Sooji mumbles, looking away and putting her hoodie over her head to hide her face that’s starting to heat.

They all sink down on the sofa, except for the man who’s still standing in the same place Sooji saw him.

Ryujin sighs in exhaustion. “The group will be finalized in six months, tops.”

“And you’re pressuring yourself?” Beomgyu comes from his bedroom, messy hair and puffy cute eyes. A shred of evidence that he has just woken up.

Ryujin looks startled by the sight, Sooji couldn’t blame her for it so she vouchers for her instead. “I’m not really confident about it, guys. And it’s okay, they trained longer than me.”

“Are you working hard for it?” the voice beamed the room. It was  him . “It doesn’t matter how long you practiced but it’s how you going all out every time you do.”

Panicking internally that she couldn’t utter a single word, Sooji just nods as an acknowledgment. Unfortunately, there’s a sudden shift of uncomfortable silence envelops the air, and Sooji hates suffocating on atmospheres like this.

“Aside from that, you know Stray Kids?” Ryujin asks, purposely changing the topic.

“Yeah, they just debuted,” says Soobin.

Beomgyu yawns bored joining the discussion. “Fourth generation too.” 

“They’ll be our competitors when we debut next year,” Taehyun adds while Hueningkai hands Ryujin an orange juice and gives Sooji a glass of water that the boy noted she preferred.

“Yah! Our refrigerator just got loaded, why would you give her water?” Yeonjun scolds the poor youngest, slightly agitated.

The poor maknae stares at Yeonjun dumbly, his innocent eyes blinking as he processes what’s happening.

“It’s her favorite?” Hueningkai tells in confusion from the sudden turmoil.

Yeonjun turns to glance at her. “Your favorite drink is water?” 

Again, Sooji nods and avoids any contact with Yeonjun, meeting her eyes with Taehyun who looks like he’s observing her the whole time. They aren’t really close but they talk casually from time to time to be comfortable with him.

Sooji feels Yeonjun’s head turns to Soobin, his voice laces with incredulity as he speaks. “You can’t be twins.” 

“Yeonjun, you need to rest.” Beomgyu laughs loudly, he even tilted his body to join his chuckles, almost dropping himself to the floor.

Yeonjun shows an over-exaggerated childish face that imitates Beomgyu’s playful comment. “Yeonjun, you need to rest?”

Now, they all laugh at his childishness. Earlier, he looked utterly, beautifully professional while dancing but he tilted 180 degrees by how he’s acting. The duality.

“As you were saying about Stray Kids?” Taehyun, obviously the only one who’s focused, asks.

“Hyunjin was hitting on her!” Ryujin condemns. “If you were there, Soobin would be seeing red!”

“But he wouldn’t do anything!” Hueningkai screams, causing them to laugh because of the accuracy.

“I don’t know about you but they mentioned Yeonjun coming for their necks too.” Ryujin teases, crossing her arms over her chest.

Everyone, except for Sooji and Yeonjun, lets out their own versions of silly noise. Sooji instinctively glances at Yeonjun and the man just smirks before stealing a wink at her. Sooji’s cheeks flush in an instant because of his subtle flirting — so she thinks of the best way to avoid it: shrinking herself further in her hoodie.

“Aw, is our baby Soojinie flustered?” Beomgyu pokes fun at it because that’s just how he’s built of. Whenever Beomgyu sees someone flustered of something, he’d press it more for his entertainment. 

Yeonjun coughs in objection, ruining the mood. “She’s not your baby.”

“I said  our ?” Beomgyu, Ryujin, and Hueningkai burst into thick laughter much more than earlier. The ‘00 liners are whacking each other chaotically as they watch Yeonjun sells himself zero.

“Did you just fall into Gyu’s bait, Jun?” says Taehyun in a tone that clearly points out how dumb Yeonjun is.

“Yah! Stop talking about my little sister.” Soobin irritably speaks, but he was also hiding his laugh without anyone noticing earlier.

“You’re literally twins, Soobinie.” Hueningkai counters.

“I tell that to him every day, trust me, it doesn’t work.” Sooji proclaims, sighing. Soobin rolls his eyes at that statement. He’s never going to let go of their ‘age gap’ that was literally less than an hour.

“YJ, come one, man. You could do better.” Beomgyu resumes again, not fully moved on from what happened.

“Whatever, alligator. I’m gonna go to my room to shower and rest. We have practice tomorrow morning. Make sure to wake up.” Yeonjun announces before walking away. The room is booing at his poor attempt at daddy jokes.

Yeonjun doesn’t even spare her a glance, not that she’s waiting for it in the first place. No, no, totally not… cool.

Soobin also excuses himself to go with Yeonjun with an excuse that he’s going to discuss something about the group. Being the leader and eldest seem like fun until they grasp the responsibilities it bear.

“He’s the legendary trainee?” Sooji whispers to herself but they all heard it because of the sudden quietness.

“Caught your eye?” Beomgyu questions. “Ideal man?”

Sooji instantly shakes her head in denial. “I don’t even know my ideal man.” 

Does Jeon Jeongguk count?

Hueningkai excuses himself too, saying he’s tired from their practice. And Sooji refuses to accept the apology. “Don’t apologize! We’ll get going soon. I’m just gonna wait for Soobin to come back.”

Hueningkai sweetly smiles at that.

Taehyun sits beside her when he sees Ryujin and Beomgyu silently bickering about the orange drink. No clue why. It’s just how their friendship works, not letting a second pass without trying to argue even the small things that didn’t make sense.

“You know you’re transparent as a person but you’re still hard to read.” Taehyun states. It isn’t like a creepy way, but more like a wise man talking. Taehyun is one of the people Sooji liked to talk with, striking Taehyun’s knowledge and maturity are on the roof even at his young age.

“What do you mean?” Sooji asks, clueless.

“I know about a thing or two about eye contacts, Ji.”

Chapter Text

There are only three months left before D-Day and Sooji dreadfully accepts her fate that she wouldn’t get a chance to be on the debut list. However, that thought was constantly changing as she grows closer to Ryujin. Sooji realized more than ever that she wants to debut beside her newfound friend than completely giving up. They don’t hang with the boys often too. After they visited their dorm, there was a hectic schedule ahead for both of them. Bae Dabin wasn’t lying when she said they would be more strict during the weekly evaluations. From 126 they were now reduced to 27 trainees that have a chance to go into the top 5.

“If you catch over-fatigue, I will kill you myself.” Ryujin threatens her in worry when she catches Sooji testing her limits by practicing seventeen hours a day.

“This is nothing, Ryu. Stop worrying. I know my body.” Sooji cracks, patting the younger’s head before letting go. Ryujin sighs, and runs a hand through her hair and Sooji can see the sweat on her forehead as well.

“Just live in the practice room, damn it.” Ryujin cusses under her breath but still manages to bow in front of her.

“I’m still older than you.” Sooji silently whines. Ryujin leaves with a pout that makes Sooji laugh. She shakes her head, and then turns to her phone, finding a song that she could practice her dance skills too.

Sooji remembers someone whom she would always run on to during this kind of conflict. Immediately, she calls his number. Inaudibly praying that he isn’t busy like their schedule has always been.

“What does the Choi Sooji want from me?”

His gentle yet playful voice greets her over the call. Even with the fame that he is earning every day, he doesn’t change. Sooji likes that about him: always so humble despite being one of the members of the biggest boyband in the world.

“I’m sorry for calling this late. Are you free to talk?” Sooji asks, a bit hesitant as she looks at herself through the mirror while fidgeting the hem of her hoodie anxiously.

“Oh, it’s an honor.”

“Jiminie!” Sooji spats out at her senior’s teasing.

“Calm down, okay? What’s up, child?”

“I don’t know what dance I should cover and I need something extra, if you could maybe suggest anything?” Jimin could sense a bit of Sooji’s sullenness even on the call, he absorbs carefully the information he was getting in order for him to know how to help the trainee.

“Extra? Aren’t you practicing the whole day already?”

“You know better than anyone.” Sooji pulls out a reverse card. Ruthlessly speaking, they are the same in terms of putting in hard work. Not stopping until they’re contented with what they show, even with their legs pleading to get the hell out of the practice room and rest in instant.

“I’ll give you my dance practice. Stop sulking, you brat.”

“But that’s a group dance, it’s going to drain me. Just recommend some songs...” Sooji points as a matter of fact.

“Nope. I’ll release a new song in two months, I think? You can pull it off, I swear.”

Sooji’s eyes almost pop out of mixed emotions, cringing when she watches through the mirror how excited she is. “An unreleased song? Are you kidding me!”

“I haven’t heard you scream but this is not what I’ve expected to be my first time. I think my eardrums broke.”

“Is this even allowed?” 

“If you leak this, I will end you. Do you understand?”

“As if I will.” Sooji implies with enthusiasm, her voice was now cheerful compared to earlier.

“Okay, I’ll send it to you after the call. Make sure to film yourself when you master it and send it to me.”

Sooji scoffs at the absurd idea that suddenly passes through her mind. “And what? You’ll judge me? I’ll pass. Thank you very much.”

“I’m your fanboy, Ji. I know your capabilities, stop doubting yourself.”

Sooji’s lips form into a thin line at what Jimin started, mentally sighing at how hard Jimin’s words assault her.

“I gotta rest. Remember the deal.”

“Got it, Jiminie. Thank you so much. Have a good night's sleep!”

“Don’t stress yourself too much, Ji.”

A minute after Jimin dropped the call, he sends a dance practice video entitled  Demo: Serendipity

JIMIN

only tip: just relax n enjoy the dance

also pretend you’re in love <3

inlove? ew no wtf

anti-romantic lil shit

ugh tell me about it

thanks minie, i rlly owe u one

Sooji attentively watches the video that Jimin delivered. She almost chokes at how graceful Jimin looks while dancing to his song. Hell, Jimin wasn’t fooling around when he told Sooji to just relax and enjoy... and pretend that she’s in love; because holy shit, that’s what the song was trying to convey. And as a performer, Sooji knows she has to express the emotions behind the music. Thereupon watching the video two times, Sooji starts picking up a few movements and decides to dance it, freestyling if she ever forgets a step.

“Let me love... let me love you~” Sooji sings softly under her puffing breath after finishing the  choreography .

Someone claps loudly which results in the echoes bouncing off the walls of the practice room.

“Yeonjun?” Sooji squints her eyes as she holds her thumping chest before realizing that she has to hunch as respect. Confusingly, Sooji could see the shameless proud look on Yeonjun’s face. “You scared me! What are you doing here?”

“Your brother was dead worried about you.” Yeonjin enunciates after locking the door. Sooji senses her heart racing rapidly at the presence of the legendary trainee in front of her. Why is her heart beating so fast?

“Why are you here and not him?” Sooji asks in curiosity. She doesn’t purposely mean to be rude but it’s like a question meant to ask.

Yeonjun hands her a liter of water. “Soobin doesn’t even know I’m here.” 

“You aren’t even allowed here.”

“I have connections,” Yeonjun smoothly contradicts, amusement creeping up his tone with every word being said. “Which leaves me guessing too, how did you know SERENDIPITY?”

“I have connections.” Soobin mimicks Yeonjun’s statement with the same energy. Do you know what they say? Two can play this game.

The legendary trainee’s eyebrow quirks, suspicious with her intentions. Sooji barely sees it through the strands of Yeonjun’s bangs that annoyingly curl over his head. “Park Jimin is my senior.” 

Sooji looks at him through the mirror and notes how Yeonjun looks awfully good in his oversized black shirt and black shorts. The white cap and black vans also did a number on him, and it’s just so unfair. Sooji swears she doesn’t know her type until she’s trapped in a room with a man named Choi Yeonjun.

“Jimin is my friend,” Sooji mutters, trying to be humble as possible. “How did  you  know SERENDIPITY? It’s unreleased.”

“I was supposed to be the backup dancer for it but our debut date got moved in an early date so...” Yeonjun answers, fixing his cap. The song they were talking about serves as their background music, thankfully preventing any awkward silence to sheathe.

Yeonjun suddenly grooves to the intro, and Sooji gulps at how satisfying to watch him dance. Yeonjun’s muscles are elegantly striding around, synchronizing with each movement. Even with the small details, Yeonjun makes it look pretty. Park Jimin and Choi Yeonjun don’t have the same dancing style yet they share a common denominator.

Charisma.

“I like your style,” Yeonjun confesses after the song ends, only for it to start over as it is on loop.

With all the courage Sooji musters, she peers at Yeonjun. “What style?”

Yeonjun clears his throat before striding towards her. “You. Your fashion. Your dance, which by the way, I’ve only seen now.” 

Sooji’s mouth parts at Yeonjun’s compliment.  This is not happening for sure, she contradicts. Choi Yeonjun? Bighit’s Legendary Trainee can’t be praising her. What a good dream.

“I’m not the only one being talked about, Ji,” Yeonjun says after a long moment of defeating silence, tucking the piece of hair strand behind Sooji’s ear.

Sooji blushes at the action but keeps a straight face for as long as she can. “Talked about?”

“A rumor has been spreading in every agency that JYPE has a secret weapon for their new girl group.” Yeonjun insists, his eyes boring into hers. “I thought the possibility of it being you.”

“And you care, why?” 

“You aren’t feisty like this in front of others,” Yeonjun smirks, stepping closer. His teeth playing tug against the insides of his cheeks as he continues staring at Sooji like he found his prey.

Sooji uncomfortably steps away, trying to control the tension she’s feeling. “I— I don’t know. Maybe you’re a spy?” 

“A spy for a girl group? A different category?” Yeonjun chuckles sarcastically. “I was informed that you’re smart, Jiji.”

“What are you even doing here, Yeonjun?” Sooji questions, almost rudely.

“My name sounds heaven when it rolls out of your tongue,” Yeonjun seduces. “You should do it often.”

Sooji blinks twice before looking away, feeling extremely uneasy. Why is she feeling nervous?

Before Sooji bangs herself against the wall, Yeonjun already clutches her wrist, caressing it softly like feather touches. “I came here... because I wanted to dance with you.”

“You wanna dance?” Sooji deadpans, not actually believing what she was hearing Yeonjun’s excuse. “Aren’t you tired?”

For sure, Yeonjun’s been practicing like the ever so legendary trainee he is. So why in the world would Yeonjun travel from Gangnam-du just to be in the same practice room as her? Like Sooji who’s suffering from fatigue after depleting dance practices, Yeonjun can’t have his time go to waste when he can go fuck everyone off in exchange for a good sleep. So again, why in the world is Yeonjun visiting her just to… dance?

“I’m stubborn when it comes to this, angel.” Yeonjun proclaims with the pet name, and Sooji feels her tummy doing a backflip because of it.

Yeonjun lifts up her right wrist and caressing it using his thumb. “Let’s dance?”

Dancing with Yeonjun feels relaxing.

Even if they’re dancing DNA by BTS.

“You have quite the stamina, I’ll tell you that.” Yeonjun appreciates as he watches her through the mirror that seems to be shamefully familiar. His hair is damped out of sweat.

Sooji’s legs unsurprisingly give up after the god-forsaken routine so she opts to sit on the floor with her legs sprawling out. Yeonjun slumps his head on her right thigh, but only after giving her water.

“Says the legendary trainee himself.” bickers Sooji, carding her hand through his black hair. 

“It’s getting tiring to hear that,” Yeonjun suddenly opens up. Sooji strokes his eyebrow using her index finger for comfort while quietly listening to his sentiments. “It’s an honor, at the same time, a curse.”

“Do you feel pressured?” Sooji questions, almost inaudibly, feeling the air being so fragile, it feels like Yeonjun would break if she says the wrong words.

For a month, they met thrice a week. Two days on weekdays and sacrificing a rest day. Yeonjun helped her with what she was lacking in the performances that she performed during the individual evaluations. They also benefited together, exploring the different variety of dancing styles.

The last time they danced together, Yeonjun told her that his senior producers were encouraging him to write his own rap to ready himself after debuting.

“They just expect too much. What if I don’t reach it?” Yeonjun sighs, looking away from the harsh shame. With the little amount of time of knowing Yeonjun, Sooji figures how perfectionist the dancer is but in a way that lives to his own standards. Listening to him being frustrated about someone else’s expectations seems like an additional burden piling up, and Sooji doesn’t want that for Yeonjun.

“Listen to me, Yeonjun,” Sooji calls, bopping his nose with her index finger. Yeonjun smiles faintly because of Sooji’s adorableness. “They’re expecting from you because they see great potential in you. That’s a blessing and a burden, I know. But it doesn’t mean you’ll focus on their expectations. Remember why you started?”

Yeonjun sighs. “I loved performing.”

“You love performing.” Sooji corrects and surely boops his nose again. “Enjoy it.”

Yeonjun smiles sadly and flicks her chin. “Thank you, pretty.” 

It feels sad at how much weight Yeonjun is holding. Yeonjun can’t even talk to anyone about it because of his ego. Being the eldest member doesn’t help either. The fact that Yeonjun consulted Sooji makes her feel so thankful.

“You will be the Fourth Generation’s IT boy, Yeonjun.” Sooji confidently claims, smiling until it reaches her ear. “And I will be here every step of the way.”

Yeonjun looks up at her. “I’m your IT Boy, Choi Sooji. And you’re my IT Girl.”

“Shut up, we sound like marrying each other.” Sooji dismisses, hitting Yeonjun’s forehead in the process.

“We’re soul-it,” says Yeonjun firmly, not dropping another pet name he formulated for her. Sooji can’t count the number of nicknames Yeonjun calls her in a span of thirty-one days, each of them having damaging effects on her in a way that Sooji’s cheeks immediately redden when she hears one. Yeonjun isn’t even subtle in watching her all red and flushed because of him.

Sooji chuckles at Yeonjun’s nonsense. “That will took you years, Jjunie.”

With forehead creases, Yeonjun sits up from her thigh. 

And he is pouting so hard.

What a sight.

“Why?” Yeonjun asks, a bit too aggressively. There’s a look of complaint on the man’s face, and the way he pouted was so cute that Sooji couldn’t resist but smile.

“You have a fixed position, I don’t.” Sooji simply answers as if it isn’t a big deal. It’s true, BigHit is a little advanced when they finalized their new boyband’s group. But well, it was expected since they flew across the country to train overseas. Yeonjun is already confirmed to debut by the first semester of the incoming year.

Sooji heaves a heavy sigh before standing up to get a towel and damps it on her face and neck that are sweaty from their routine.

“You’ll get in, Jiji,” Yeonjun assures her with a comforting voice. He stands up and unlocks Sooji’s messy bun, solely to fix and ties it again. Yeonjun notices how Sooji hates the process of tying her hair considering that Sooji is a very, very impatient person. As a result, Yeonjun would always tie it for her every practice. No words need to be said, he just knows.

“If you get in, I’ll take you out on a date.”

Sooji wants to react. God knows she wants to react but her face just can’t move a damn muscle. 

“Soobin,” she mumbles her first thought.

“He’s my best friend. Of course, he knows how much I am pining over his sister.” Yeonjun laughs at the humiliation. He puts his chin at the top of her shoulder while they face in front of the mirror.

Pining?

“Does he know we dance together?” Sooji asks, purposely changing the topic. She isn’t prepared to talk about Yeonjun’s feelings that she isn’t sure but she’d like to think so. Still, Sooji cares about the opinion of his twin brother; and existing in between Yeonjun and Sooji. The overthinker she is has already visualized many scenes that  could  happen in just seconds.

“No. Do you want him to? I’ll text him right now—”

“No!” Sooji exclaims as she snatches his phone from his hand and Yeonjun stares at her with no emotion. “I— I’m not ready for his scolding.”

Yeonjun sighs, long and loud as he thinks of better ways to express the thoughts he was thinking at the moment. “You know he can’t do that to you, Jiji? He takes care of you so much.”

“And you think dating me won’t anger him?” Sooji hisses out of defense, thinking of strategies that can calm herself down because she clearly was acting the opposite.

“I think dating you is helping him take care of you.” 

“I am not some fragile thing for the both of you to feel responsible for me. I am my own person!” Sooji starts to agitate, angry and she has always been hating to feel that way. Sooji rarely gets herself mad and she absolutely doesn’t want Yeonjun to see it.

Yeonjun’s eyes immediately weaken, fingers shaking as he tried to reach out to her. “Angel—”

“Do you understand?” Sooji can’t explain why she’s pissed but she is exceptionally mad.

Yeonjun’s eyes go wide at her stern question, grabbing Sooji’s hand to hold it immediately. “I know... I know, baby. You are your person. I just wanna take care of you because I want to. Not because I see you weak.”

Sooji’s breath hitches as Yeonjun mentions the pet name. Sooji could handle his sweet names, but not this one. It feels a lot more intimate for her, and she only knew just now. Sooji fears the implication of Yeonjun casually calling everyone like how he calls her. Did it fall off or he said it on purpose?

“Do you trust me, Yeonjun?”

“I do. You know, I trust you.” Yeonjun assures, tucking his head on her neck. Yeah, kinda uncomfortable, don’t you think? But Yeonjun is already attached to her that he doesn’t even care.

“Then trust me to make it on the next debut.” 

Yeonjun scoffs, determined to take it as a challenge like how the competitive person he is. “Do you trust me, mhm?”

Sooji rolls her eyes but nods, keeping her lips in a thin line as she fights hard to keep their eye contact.

“Then trust that I’ll date you in two months.”

Sooji and Yeonjun learn the IDOL choreography as soon as it is released to the public. Risky, but Sooji chooses it to be the song that she would be performing for her last evaluation. It’s hard, Yeonjun really put an effort to teach her the key steps, especially the jumping that is incredibly painful for the knees, if not done properly. And being the hoobaes of BTS, Yeonjun has the privilege to be a step ahead in memorizing the choreography.

After a very tiring week, finally, Sooji takes a day off to sleep. Yeonjun had to cancel a week of their upcoming practice because his trainer wants to focus on his rap, saying he’s already a dance monster himself. 

Ryujin deliberately pursues to put her to rest after a long scolding of the pros and cons if Sooji continues to practice  that hard . The younger even threatens her into staying with her until she’s fully rested. Ryujin still has no clue that Sooji is having secret dance practice with Yeonjun, and hanging out at different food places before going home. No one does. No one is suspicious enough.

Around sunset, Sooji wakes up from a missed call and a text.

JIMIN

u busy?

just woke up

lmfao  u took a cheat day? that’s odd ( 。ˇ ⊖ˇ)

u wish

practice later ofc   ㅋㅋ 

just come n meet me my fav child

where

bh

??

arent u busy?

u literally just had a comeback last wk

arent u gonna use idol for ur last hoorah

what

h ow did you knkw

YEONJUN?!

yeonjun who

hold up holy fuck u mean our yeonjun ??

the legendary trainee ????

ahuhhh TASTE

NO NOOO

how did YOU even know

saw his snapchat story

i didn’t wanna assume but that was JYPE practice room he’s someone who’s hiding their face using hoodie looked awfully lot like u

wanna tell u more? ;)

shut!! im omw 

ㅋㅋ

Sooji releases a long sigh before getting off the bed, wanting to just stay at home and craves the feeling of getting enough sleep but she can’t. After taking a shower, she changes into a gray unbuttoned loose blouse with a white tee underneath and track pants partnered with the classic high-cut converse. Moreover, completing the outfit with a black cap and mask for resistance against the ash fall before going out.

“What do you want from me, Minie?” Sooji asks as soon as she meets the renowned idol.

“Get on with that attitude and I’ll not hesitate to snitch your little crush on our Jeonggukie.” Jimin threatens, sporting a faded jacket over his white tee. He’s also wearing black pants and white shoes. Both of them matching with black caps.

Sooji’s eyes widen at his foul statement. “Don’t use that on me, you know I’ll do whatever you ask me to.”

“You got a thing for all-rounders, huh?” Jimin teases as he playfully nudges her to go inside.

Sooji tries her best not to pout when she bows to anyone who passes them by, a simple form of greeting. She feels out of place at the moment because it really isn’t her environment, but people around here are friendly enough like Jimin. 

“Are we going inside... a practice room?” Sooji breathes sharply with a tired expression.

Confirmed. There won’t be a day that she would rest.

“Bet,” Jimin replies before he stops by in front of the door.

Sooji grips on Jimin’s shirt but it doesn’t stop him from opening the door. Similar to what she expects, Bangtan Sonyeondan was complete. Sooji’s gaze meets with Jeongguk’s pair of bambi eyes that expands a bit more when he sees the girl he is anticipating for ages to meet with. Jeongguk runs towards them in an adorable shocked manner. “Are you real?!”

Jeongguk hugs her tight that she thinks she’s about to pass out in front of all these men. Behind Bangtan’s golden maknae views confused members and a specific Yeonjun.

Yeonjun.

YEONJUN?

“Yah! I thought it was Jimin’s girlfriend but it turns out it’s Jeonggukie’s?” Hoseok laughs, sitting beside Yoongi who’s looking down on his phone.

Sooji quickly pushes Jeongguk gently and bows to them, fisting into Jimin’s shirt behind the back while avoiding all pairs of suspecting eyes. “Jiminie, please let me end you,” she whispers against his ear.

“I would suggest wiping the red on your face before thinking of something else” Jimin hums back before bursting out into obnoxious thick laughter.

“Ji, what are you doing here?” Jeongguk gushes, small hopping in a place like the bunny he is as he leads her inside.

“Wait. She’s Sooji?” Taehyung asks. The young woman nods in confirmation and bows again, feeling so small inside a room full of famous idols. “She’s the one you two have been crushing on!”

“It’s not a crush!” Jimin defends, scoffing in the process because he never once had romantic feelings for Sooji but platonically likes her like a little sister.

Looking over Yeonjun, he’s preoccupied at the moment with Namjoon and another man, who Sooji assumes to be their choreographer. Yeonjun is currently busy minding his own business that he won’t throw a single glance of acknowledging her presence. A small striking pain pangs Sooji’s chest. She doesn’t know why, or maybe because she’s expecting another reaction.

“We met during our extra dance practice sessions! Do you remember? The one I’m with Jimin? Sooji’s an excellent good student, unlike Jimin. That’s why we became friends.” Jeongguk exclaims, his eyes shining as he explains.

Jimin kicks his butt, his body exerts extra effort because of their proportional gaps. “You brat. I’m talking to you too, Sooji. God, you’re all brats!”

“Coming from the biggest brat in the universe himself?” Sooji teases, her innocent features amplify a toll on the joke as she speaks words with an impassive face. The Bangtan Sonyeondan members let out a chaotic laugh at the Sooji’s sudden clap-back, not expecting she had it in her. Instinctively, Sooji hides behind Jeongguk’s back but he removes himself from her to get his friends more view of her. Sooji has never felt so betrayed until now hence the subtle glare towards Jeongguk.

“I did not ask to suffer like this.” Jimin states.

Well, she did not ask to share the same oxygen with both of her crushes inside a room too!

“Why did you bring her here?” Jeongguk asks, sitting beside Taehyung who’s leaning at the wall as he cools down.

“Practice is done, right?” Jimin raises which makes Jeongguk nodded and attentively listening to Jimin’s words while they were stretching their bodies down. “I’ll dance with Sooji like old times.” 

“Jimin, are you mad? You’re gonna teach her IDOL, aren’t you?” Yoongi speaks in a raspy voice. Sooji’s knuckles turning to white when she hears Yoongi talking, he’s one of the people Sooji looks up to when it comes to rapping. She truly likes his flow and lyrics, how he disses the people indirectly to the point that it leaves people guessing if Suga’s track was about them.

Sooji looks away but she meets Jeongguk’s eyes again.

“No way!” Jeongguk yelps, dramatically covering his mouth using his left hand. “She knows it already!”

“I didn’t even tell you anything,” Sooji mumbles, feeling a bit conscious when more attention fixates on her.

Jeongguk scrunches his nose, showing his bunny teeth as he proudly grins. “I know you!”

“Well... show us if you don’t mind?” Namjoon request with an assuring smile. The choreographer already gives his farewell to the group and goes outside. While regarding Yeonjun, Sooji doesn’t dare to know. Besides, she’s already panicking because of BTS.

Sooji nods before whispering to Jimin. “If I flop in front of these legends, this is all your fault. I’m taking you to my grave.”

Jimin just laughs with his whole body before slightly pushing her to the center. Sooji pulls the hem of her shirt nervously. “Can I... um. Can I face in the mirror?” 

They answer with comforting smiles, understanding what Sooji must’ve been feeling inside. They have gone past it after all.

“Whenever you’re ready.” Jimin reminds with an excited tone.

Sooji takes a deep breath and nods at Jeongguk to start the song. The maknae smiles at her but all Sooji can remember was the week when Yeonjun worked hard to practice  this  with her.

When Sooji hears the last beat drop, she gathers herself to catch her breathing. Sooji mentally curses at about fifty times how difficult the choreography is, considering the need for an enormous amount of energy to do the steps precisely.

“Choi Sooji, what the fuck?” Jimin gushes.

Other members are blown out and keep muttering words she can’t comprehend because they abruptly turn havoc, fighting themselves. Being BTS, they chaotically bicker with each other with incoherent words that only they can understand.

“You practiced this in only a week?”

“In a week...”

“Jimin, we have to steal her!”

“Jeonggukie-”

“I don’t care, Taehyungie. Quick!”

“She hasn’t even debuted yet!”

Sooji’s gaze suddenly lands on Yeonjun who’s beside the door, a proud smirk is plastered on his face. He nods at her subtly and tucks his free hand inside his pocket. 

Yeonjun winks at her before going outside.

Sooji might have thought she’s going to pass out; not because of the toughest choreography, she ever danced to, but because of a distinct man named Choi Yeonjun.

And the results are out.

“You are insane!” Ryujin shouts from the bottom of her lungs. “Sixth member? Damn!”

“Oh my god, Sooji! You did so well!” Chaeryeong exclaims, jumping vertically. Ryujin clings onto Sooji’s body while Chaeryeong cheerfully claps beside her. Their eyes forming into crescent shapes out of happiness.

“Congratulations, Sooji!” someone greets her from the back. “How did you even dance to IDOL?”

Sooji’s eyes widen in surprise, her lips part in shock. “T-Thank you, leader!”

Yeji laughs and drapes an arm over her shoulder. “We’re both liners! You don’t have to be formal.” 

Sooji nods with a pixelated grin. Yeji really intimidates her. Her aura screams from the leader that she always has to obey or else she’ll get beaten up. Sooji looks up to her too, especially at her charisma. Yeji was often one of the tops in their rankings.

“Where is Yuna?” Ryujin asks, her eyes now searching through the busy crowd.

“She’s there!” Chaeryeong answers with her lips forming a wide and easy grin. “Yuna!”

Yuna’s innocent eyes search for the voice that called her but they already run on her way for a group hug.

“Congratulations to us!” Yuna yells with tears still streaming down her face.

“I can’t believe this,” Sooji mutters under her breath, a little bit unfocused with what was happening around her. All she remembers was feeling so down when the top five was called, and then feeling empty and confused when her name got called on the stage being as the sixth member, also known as JYPE’s secret weapon.

They stop hugging to gather themselves. The five of them wiping their tears off while laughing at their puffed faces.

“We should hang out!” Lia implies, still sniffing. 

Yeji nods, calming Yuna down who’s smiling wide while crying. “Once we move to our own dorm, that’s for sure!” 

Ryujin hugs her from the side as Yeji cried while Sooji pats Chaeryeong’s back. It’s too cute that Sooji couldn’t cry at all.

“We should wrap it up today, girls.” Jinyoung interrupts the group with his grinned teeth to show a proud smile. “Congratulations, ITZY.”

They proceeded with the ceremony and took pictures before saying goodbye. Ryujin and Sooji walk outside beside each other, still dazed at what the results turned out. The moment Sooji spots Yeonjun’s tall figure, she sprints towards him with her remaining energy.

“I made it!” Sooji keeps murmuring against Yeonjun’s skin as she conceals herself inside the crook of his neck. She can smell Yeonjun’s baby powdered scent that welcomes her in comfort. “Jjunie, I made it...”

“I know, baby. I know.” Yeonjun whispers in a comforting yet proud tone, a beam of pride rising up to his system as he watches how happy Sooji is in her arms.

Yeonjun kisses the side of her ear before fixing Sooji’s hair that got messy because of their little act, also realizing that there’s an uncomfortable material squishing between them. Yeonjun catches how Sooji cooes at the flower that Yeonjun brought for her.

Sooji peeks at the bouquet of white roses after Yeonjun hands it to her, her throat constricting the air from entering her lungs because he remembered. Yeonjun remembers that the only flower that Sooji likes were white roses; might be bad luck because it’s somehow connected with death but she doesn’t mind, she isn’t afraid of death anyway. Sooji simply likes it because it signifies purity, innocence, and youthfulness. And above all, it represents new beginnings and everlasting love; because she wants to believe in love again, without the ghost of her father’s mistakes choices haunting her.

 “Yeonjun...”

He steals a piece and tucked it on her ear, he smiles endearingly.

“I’m proud of you, my IT Girl,” Yeonjun says before pecking her forehead before giving her another comforting hug.

“Are we gonna go or what...”

“Am I seeing this right?”

“So, that explains the flower.”

“Gyu... that’s not even the issue here?”

“Jun, can I have my sister now?”

Sooji’s eyes widen once they’re taken back from their fantasy, pushing Yeonjun away from her lightly.

“Congratulations, Ji!” Hueningkai greets her and gives her a hug. His hair falling all over the place as the wind blew stronger. Sooji grins in response when the others do the same. Then she looks at Soobin’s who was pouting the whole time he watches the scene.

“Soobinie~” Sooji sing-songs and hugs him the widest, making up for the scene she caused earlier.

“Are you two dating?” Soobin bluntly asks, glaring at his eldest in suspicion.

Yeonjun steps forward, looking guilty. “Bin, I asked her but—”

“Yes, we are.”

The maknae line screams incredibly loud as if they’re watching a romance-comedy movie.

“YJ, how did you?” Beomgyu asks enthusiastically, annoyingly pinching Taehyun’s side.

“You only met once?” adds Hueningkai who’s clinging sweetly on Ryujin who’s still in shock but smiling as well.

“As if they’ll date each other when they only met once!” Taehyun concludes his skepticism as he tries to get Beomgyu’s hands off him. If Beomgyu’s not bickering with Ryujin, it would be Taehyun he would be arguing with. There’s just no in-between.

“Well then, how do you sneak out when both of you are practically living inside the practice room?” Ryujin contemplates, her arms crossing over each other.

Yeonjun and Sooji couldn’t stop themselves from cracking up, laughing out loud. Yeonjun rests his head on Sooji’s shoulder, arching a bit to reach her height. The rest of the people in the group have to admit that it’s a cute teeth-rotting sight of two supposedly lovers just giggling with each other’s glowing presence.

“Stupid! They’re practicing with each other obviously.” Soobin deduces, blinking rapidly to stop himself from rolling his eyes.

Sooji stops laughing in instant, and shifts into a stunned expression. “You knew?”

“Caught him talking to Jimin about you last week.” Soobin shrugs while crossing his arms. He’s acting a bit sassy but Sooji is grateful that this is the only extent of Soobin’s reaction regarding his relationship with Yeonjun. She wouldn't know what to do if Soobin chose to get in between the two of them.

“I tried to keep it, Jiji, but I really can’t lie.” Yeonjun defends, gently wrapping his hand on her tiny elbows. He’s scared that Sooji would get mad at him, again. Yeonjun doesn’t want it to happen.

“No, it’s okay.” Sooji smiles at him brightly before looking back at her brother. “I’m sorry for keeping it from you.”

Soobin doesn’t waste time stealing Sooji away from Yeonjun to hug her again, sighing very audibly. “I don’t want you keeping things from her ever again, okay?”

Sooji nods. 

“We gotta go back to practice.” Soobin reminds them, checking the time using his phone. “You have a break?”

“A week barely.” Sooji snickers, leaning her body to Yeonjun’s chest as Yeonjun’s subtly snaked an arm around her waist for support.

“We have to pack up, moving dorms can be a hassle.” Ryujin grimaces.

Soobin nods, understanding. “Make the most out of it. You might not get another rest week.”

The boys agree which makes Sooji and Ryujin groan because it’s true. Sooji thought they wouldn’t be able to meet them today but she guesses they squished her special day into their busy schedule. For consolation, she hugs the boys tightly again, feeling a bit emotional today.

“Congratulations, Ji. I knew you could do it,” Soobin smiles at the new couple who are the last ones standing in the same site. The boys already went inside Yeonjun’s car while Ryujin rested in hers (Technically, Soobin and Sooji’s but she needs it more).

Using his right hand, Yeonjun pushes the strands of hair blocking her face before gripping her chin. “I’ll take you out when you go back. Rest well for me, please?” he sweetly says.

Sooji nods and wraps her small tiny hands-on Yeonjun’s waist, his body stiffening for a while because it’s the first time she had initiated a move. It immediately softens when they both sigh in contentment.

After a solid half-minute, Sooji decides to break it, looking at him in the eyes. “Take care of yourself, Yeonjun.” 

Yeonjun enjoys the sight of his girl’s cute puppy eyes staring straight into his. He’s so happy. “Text me anytime. Likewise, I’ll facetime you before I go to sleep,” said Yeonjun with so much assurance. 

“It’s okay if you’re tired.” 

“I won’t be getting good sleep if I don’t talk to my angel.” Yeonjun pouts, his cheeks falling.

Sooji chuckles at his mood swing. She’s used to it by now, the way Yeonjun just sulks if he doesn’t get what he wants. It’s not annoying but rather delightful to look at, in a way that makes her heart jumping out of her chest to resign because it just couldn’t handle it anymore. “Okay, then. I’ll be waiting.” 

Soobin honks the horn.

“I have to go.” Yeonjun purses his lips, again. ”Your brother will fry me alive for sure.”

Sooji fixes his petty coat and smiles. “Stay alive. You owe me a date, Choi.”

Yeonjun’s face lits up at the sudden encouragement. “Of course, angel. Take extra care and rest for me, hm?”

Chapter Text

Sooji practically throws herself on the floor when Jinyoung and Dabin finally decide to walk out of the practice room. She doesn’t really know what to feel at the moment, her face displays an emotionless expression as she tries to process the words in her head.

“Don’t mind them, Ji. They just have high goals for you.” Yeji comforts, still catching her breath. She badly wants to just lie on the ground and breathe peacefully but she urges herself with the remaining energy she possesses.

The girls have been practicing non-stop since the choreography was finalized. Jinyoung even gives them a strict diet plan which doesn’t help them at all to catch up with the tough routine. Everything is too... suffocating.

Yuna nods, her eyes pleading with guilt. “I don’t get it too. I was the one that made a mistake but they blamed it on you? I’m sorry, Ji.”

During the practice, Yuna almost tripped beside Sooji when they were transitioning into a new position. Jinyoung seemed to be in a bad mood so when he caught the mistake, he got so mad and scolded them for an hour. 

Well... Sooji.

Sooji shakes her head and smiles, not knowing if she was consoling Yuna or herself. “No, it’s okay. I have my share too. I should’ve adjusted.”

“Doesn’t mean you’re the main dancer, it’s all your fault.” Yeji contradicts, giving her a pitying look. “You were breakdancing while rapping, are they out of their heads for giving you that part?”

“I’m not the main dancer,” Sooji mumbles at that.

“Unbelievable,” Ryujin says sarcastically.

“They expected a lot from her when she danced IDOL.” Lia deduces, her body’s down, doing a child pose which what the other girls should be doing to relax their body. The practice was too intense they’re certain their muscle would experience some atrocious soreness tomorrow.

Ryujin helps Sooji to cool down her body for the reason that Ryujin exactly notes how lazy the main dancer is when it comes to stretching and cooling down. It’s one of the JYPE’s secret weapon’s worst habits.

“You still don’t have a fixed position, Ji?” Chaeryeong comments, wiping the sweat off of her face using her clean towel.

Sooji shudders her shoulders in response, avoiding any eye contact from any of the girls as stares into the ceiling with thoughts about what the higher-ups have criticized her, replaying over and over in her head. 

“I don’t think they would give you any.” Yeji bluntly remarks. Sooji glances at her through the mirror and tries to connect Yeji’s thoughts. “You’re an all-rounder.”

“Maybe I wasn’t supposed to debut in the first place.” 

Immediately regretting once the girls yell, synchronously disagreeing with her statement. Sooji inevitably winces when she feels Ryujin grips too hard on her shoulders, not purposely but only because Ryujin gets carried away as well.

“Are you crazy?” Yeji screams, looking at her as if she’s dumb.

“Come to think of it, it’s supposed to be a five-member group. Why are we six?” Sooji strongly deliberates which causes Ryujin to stop stretching her and tilts her head to look at Sooji in disbelief.

Lia chuckles without humor. “Weren’t you listening back then?”

“It’s a five-member group but six of us will debut, probably some strategy that would stir Seoul,” Chaeryeong explains as she does her final stretch. “To put it that way, you’re a secret weapon.”

“You’re basically the secret weapon, Ji.” Ryujin repeats.

“Stop thinking about it, okay?” Yeji advises.

Lia moves towards Sooji for a side-hug. “Everything’s just so fast, Ji...” 

With that, everyone else promptly runs in their direction to join the hugging session.

They have only been living with each other for over a half month but their chemistry’s already on point. They know each other’s weaknesses and strengths, especially in terms of performance. They’ll try to cover each other’s back as they can. It isn’t even hard since the five of them are already close as for the fact that they trained longer than Sooji, and they were already good friends back then. Even so, the girls try hard not to make Sooji feel out of place.

Ryujin gets up and hands Sooji a bottle of water as if she’s used to it already. “Well, can’t we blame ourselves? The debut date is set on February and it’s already mid-October.” 

“We have to polish the two songs as soon as possible. We’ll be shooting the music video by December.” Lia notes too as she starts to pack her things. 

“I can’t believe we’re cramming this,” says Chaeryeong.

Yeji grumbles in agreement while she gets up. “Let’s go back to the dorm and rest now. We need to be up early tomorrow.”

“Damn, are we all rockstars already?” Ryujin jokes, making them laugh.

They all fixed their stuff while Sooji hitches her breath, waving a farewell which makes the girls confused.

“You’re staying again?” Yeji asks.

Sooji faintly nods.

Ryujin scoffs, loud and rude. “No way.”

“Ji, you’ve been practicing non-stop since they gave us the choreo.” Lia points out with a displeased look on her face.

“You haven’t slept a complete eight hours since we got back,” Yuna adds in worry, pouting.

“How about you sleep here, Ji? It’s late already, anyway. I’ll just bring you clothes for tomorrow.” Chaeryeong kindly suggests.

Sooji shakes her head and gives them a genuine smile, she’d figure something out. “I’ll be fine!”

Sooji wants to learn the whole choreography before the month ends and no one will stop her. Indeed at this point, they know how stubborn she can be if it comes to this.

After minutes of trying to persuade Sooji to go home, they eventually give up and walks out with bothered looks on their faces.

Sooji glimpses at Ryujin who’s still not moving from her place. “Yah! Go home and rest, Ry!”

“Don’t use that seniority card on me, Ji. I’ll make sure to report this to Yeonjun.” The younger threatens. And before Sooji could stop her, Ryujin runs away from the room.

Sooji sighs and peeks at herself in the mirror. She doesn't even realize until now how tired she was, fatigue lacing her body but it fades away when she sets her mind back to the nights when Yeonjun and she used to practice. So exhausting, but Yeonjun’s passion can be very contagious. It reminds her of the purpose, gives her direction of the bright future they can reach. It’s one of the reasons why Sooji loves being inside the practice room. It’s her escape. And so, she moves her body with thoughts in her head to keep her going.

Unfortunately, their supposed date becomes long overdue. As soon as Sooji gets back from her break, Yeonjun’s rigid schedule comes crashing their plans as predicted. Sooji can’t really blame him when she’s the same. Sooji knows dating another trainee would be hectic, but what she doesn’t know is why she still goes through with it. Their dating status hasn’t even reached a month and it’s already hell for the both of them. 

After mastering half of the choreography, Sooji halts her body when she feels her throat itching, commanding her to cough it out— a clear sign that fatigue is consuming her completely.

“You never rest, do you?” 

Sooji jumps, startles embarrassingly by someone. She absolutely needs to lock the door next time if she doesn’t want anyone else interrupting her peaceful space. But for now, Sooji turns her body and sees the familiar figure. 

“Hyunjin,” Sooji calls and bows deeply.

The man waves his hand as a sign of dismissal. “Stop bowing too much when you see me. What the hell?”

“Y-You debuted. T-Technically, y-you’re... Uhm, my senior.” Sooji stutters, badly because she’s horrible at meeting new people.

Hyunjin laughs. “Hyunjin is fine.”

Surprisingly, Hyujin hands her an energy drink. Sooji silently snickers at the action, regretting it soon, and prays that the other man didn’t notice.

If he’s Yeonjun, he would definitely give her water.

What was she thinking?

Sooji buries out her ungrateful ideas and plasters a grateful smile instead. “Thank you. You didn’t have to.”

“It’s a pleasure. I actually wanted to do this for a long time ago. I just can’t make a move.” Hyunjin grins, shyly. “Shall I walk you back to the dorm?”

“No, of course not. What a bothersome!” Sooji exclaims in horror, rubbing her hand over her neck.

Sooji turns around to wipe off the sweat before she hurriedly loads her things. 

“I’m offering so it’s not. Besides, we live in the same building and it’s already too dark for you to be alone.” Hyunjin implies with a concerned look on his face. “You can’t stop me. I’m still going back to the dorm, just wanna ask you if you wanted to walk together since we’re going in the same direction. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

Sooji accepts, seeing the clock striking to a little over midnight. “Okay.”

Hyunjin smiles widely, eyes disappearing when he grins cutely. Sooji laughs while shaking her head as she drags her backpack. Hyunjin even extends help with it but Sooji declines, saying that she could do it by herself (and she doesn’t want to give him any false intention, just in case).

As soon as the elevator docks on the ground floor, Sooji’s phone vibrates from her pocket.

Yeonjun’s calling.

A simp, Sooji quickly answers it, unaware that she’s smiling as she taps on the green button. “Hi.”

“Hey, baby.” 

“Were you asleep?” Sooji asks, notes how Yeonjun’s voice sounds so scratchy. Her mind takes back to reality when Hyunjin gestures to continue walking.

“We got back by ten and fell asleep on the couch.”

Yeonjun chuckles, so hoarsely that makes Sooji feel bad that the other trainee chooses to use his rest time to talk with her when Yeonjun should’ve been getting all the sleep that he needs.

“Are your muscles stiff? Are you okay?” Sooji questions, almost too incoherently because of her sudden worry.

“Not stiff, thank Heavens. I was in the middle of a good dream and I remembered I haven’t texted you.” 

Yeonjun whines softly like a baby and Sooji could imagine his lips pouting. God, long-distance dating is so hard, she doesn’t think she could do it again, particularly to someone who’s as irresistible as Yeonjun.

“I told you, it’s fine—”

“And then I woke up seeing a text from Ryujin saying you stayed up again?”  

Shrinking when she gives attention to Yeonjun’s voice laced with superiority and concern, Sooji excuses. “I-I’m just polishing the half.”

She almost crossed the road but Hyunjin held her back before the motorcycle got her.

“Ji, be careful!” Hyunjin scolds her with a mix of softness and authority that Sooji hears for the first time.

Sooji’s heart begins to thump fast but she’s too drowsy to speak so she opts to bow as an apology before returning to the call.

“Are you okay? Are you out? Where are you? I’ll go there now!”

Yeonjun asks in full alert now, sleepy voice completely faded which causes her eyes to dilate. Hyunjin nudges her to resume crossing the road as it is now safe.

“Nothing to worry about, I’m with someone-”

“Oh, you’re with someone?”

When and how did the air suddenly shift to an intimidating one? Sooji can only gulp before speaking again. “I’m with Hyunjin-oppa.” 

Hyunjin glances at her when Sooji mentions his name, a questioning look on his face.

“Hyunjin-oppa? As in Hwang Hyunjin? Oppa? You know you’re at the same age as him, right?”

Sooji’s face hacks down so she abruptly stops walking and looks over Hyunjin who does the same when he notices the other has halted her steps.

“What?” Hyujin asks, brows furrowed in confusion.

“You didn’t say we’re liners!” Sooji accuses, feeling a bit betrayed even though they aren’t close in the first place.

“What? I enjoyed your honorifics.” Hyunjin smirks.

Is he flirting with her?

Sooji blinks twice before she decides to literally kick him on his back, dropping her phone from her ear. She says words that she couldn’t even understand herself but Hyunjin laughs at her violent yet feathery hits as he strives to avoid her. 

“H-Hey! Stop it! We’re here!” Hyunjin cues while laughing.

Sooji takes it and precedes walking, leaving him on the side road. Then, she looks at her phone and sees that the dropped call so she contemplates calling him back but immediately decides against it since Yeonjun might’ve fallen back to sleep.

YEONJUN

asleep?

im eating ramyeon.

uve been eating ramyeon too much lately

thats not healthy

idfc

i love ramyeon

ramyeon is my soulmate

are u ok?

why wouldnt i be

u sure?

Once she walks inside the dorm, Sooji drops her bag and goes straight to wash the disgusting sweat off her body. Soon after, she looks at her phone, expecting a reply from Yeonjun which she ends up not getting any.

we ok?

Sooji heaves a sigh as she collapses her body on the bed. Ryujin, her roommate, is already sleeping, snoring every minute but Sooji’s used to it.

go to sleep

u too jjunie

gn

Sooji frowns at his message. Yeonjun would usually put a heart or cute emoticons when he texts her but it’s bitterly different tonight. 

Maybe Yeonjun’s tired.

“Tired of me?” Sooji whispers to herself, her eyelids fluttering shut in the process.

“Are you okay?” Ryujin asks as Sooji hands her meal. It’s late when they stopped by a local diner to buy dinner since it’s Saturday night (which also means they’ll get their whole rest day tomorrow, TGIF).

It’s been four days since Hyunjin insisted to go back to their dormitory building together and Sooji has been receiving cold shoulders from Yeonjun ever since.

“I don’t know...” Sooji huffs, munching on the food as they strolled back to their dorm.

“It’s Yeonjun, isn’t it?”

Instinctively, she perks her right eyebrow. “How did you know?” 

“As usual, you don’t open our group chats with the boys.” Ryujin condemns, shaking her head in disappointment. “Yeonjun’s been sulking for days now, it’s getting Beomie irritated. They even bombarded you with messages about Hyunjin. I think it’s connected.”

“I’m just friends with Hyunjin...” Sooji mutters under her breath, feeling small.

Ryujin chuckles at her friend’s distressed state, patting her head. “The rumor about Hyunjin liking a female trainee from our own company has spread like a wildfire to others too. Even the guys have heard it.”

“It’s not me!” Sookie quickly defends.

Ryujin looks at her with incredulity. “Who would it be? You’ve been hanging around with Hyunjin a lot. The girls even questioned you about it.” 

“He knows I’m dating someone else,” Sooji argues before taking another bite of her burger. Diet plan, long forgotten.

“Does he know who it is?” Ryujin presses more, her eyebrows raising.

Sooji hits her lightly on her shoulder. “Obviously, not. This is between the seven of us. Probably, eleven if the girls ever find out.”

“That explains it.”

Sooji’s forehead creases in confusion and Ryujin is watching in awe, chuckling at the sight of Sooji being so oblivious to her surrounding. “Explain, what?”

“Hyunjin thought you’re playing hard to get since you didn’t mention nor show a picture of the person you are dating. I think that’s why he purposely spread the rumor himself. He was already calling dibs on the alleged JYPE’s secret weapon.” Ryujin connects, so sure of her statement. “Then Yeonjun received the news.”

Sooji hunches anxiously. “How is it connected?” 

“Are you this dense? Girl, he’s jealous!” Ryujin bursts out laughing as they push inside the building.

Inside the dorm, they mind their own business and proceeds to do their usual night routines. Approximately an hour ago, Ryujin passes out while watching a drama on her laptop.

Sooji’s phone beeps.

sleep well

Sooji smiles sadly at his usual message. She would be lying if she says she’s used to it when her heart cracks every time she receives it. Admittedly, after every practice, Sooji daydreams about both of them. Or worse, she tends to overthink.

Until she decides this has got to stop; sending a text to Soobin instead.

SOOBIN

hey u guys home?

yeah

we have to sleep early, recordings tmrw

except for jun, he’s scheduled in the afternoon instead

if ur asking

Sooji gets up and carefully peels off Ryujin’s face sheet that Ryujin would always forget to whenever she collapses, all while contemplating if she should go ahead with her plan.

oh cool

sweet dreams binie

u too ji

The young woman quickly changes into a random oversized tee and shorts. She even puts on her favorite black cap and mask. With a satisfied look, Sooji clutches on her keys and phone, punching a text to Ryujin.

RYUJIN

im outside

idk when i’ll come back but i’ll be alright

Sooji steps into the building of TXT’s apartment after she drives herself to their place. She smiles at the receptionist that grows fond of her already since Sooji stays here whenever she can. Nervously, she calls Yeonjun’s number.

“Ji?”

Yeonjun screeches as he has just gotten out of sleep, voice was rough enough to assume.

“Let me in,” Sooji commands, anxiously tapping her legs using her fingers from her free hand. “I— I’m outside.”

Sooji hears shuffles from his background and before she knows it, the door opens.

“What are you doing here?” Yeonjun asks, his eyes are still half-closed.

Sooji’s eyebrows lower as her eyes squint, trying hard to intimidate the boy. “Are you ghosting me, Choi Yeonjun?” 

Yeonjun cocks his head, eyes narrowing from the same confusion. “What? Get inside.”

Sooji follows his gesture but instead of putting her Birkenstock slide on the rack, she carries it and walks straight into his room, not wanting to be caught by her brother.

“Uhm... come in?” Yeonjun implies in a sarcastic yet awkward tone.

Sooji stands in the center of his room as he locks it. It’s neat and minimalistic, which she doesn’t expect from a twenty-year-old boy. A big mirror is placed in the corner of his room. Knowing Yeonjun, Sooji assumes he bought this so he could have a mini-version of his own practice room.

“We will talk,” Sooji affirms, watching him sit on the edge of his bed that‘s covered in white sheets and comforter. 

“Come here.” Yeonjun urges, signaling her to join.

It’s like Sooji is caught up in a spell and obeys him, entirely forgetting that she’s trying to intimidate the man. Sooji was about to sit beside him until Yeonjun pulls her on top of his lap, facing him.

“You want to talk? Then let’s talk.” Yeonjun says in a challenging tone. His hands firmly grasp her sides while his eyes intently follow the movements of her shy gaze.

“Cat got your tongue, angel?” Yeonjun mocks, eyes stalking down on her body before steadying in her eyes. “Let’s talk about Hyunjin and why was he going around, claiming someone I thought I’m dating?”

Sooji shivers at the sight of Yeonjun being dominant, arms possessively crowding around her. His eyes staring at Sooji like she’s his prey, waiting for her to make a wrong move.

Sooji puts her cap down, fixing her hair after. “We’re just friends, Jjunie,” 

“Bullshit.” Yeonjun curses, scoffing and twisting his lips. His eyes rolled in annoyance before setting it back to her. “Look at me in the eyes and tell me you’re just friends with him.”

It’s not that Sooji’s guilty of not being able to look at him. Sooji can’t look at Yeonjun simply because he’s Yeonjun. But if that what he wants, then fine.

With the utmost courage she could muster, Sooji takes his challenge and looks at him straight in the eyes, mimicking the energy that Yeonjun was radiating. “Hyunjin and I are just friends, Yeonjunie. Why are you so jealous?”

Yeonjun gapes shock at her sudden bluntness yet he puts back the resentment in him within a second. “Because he obviously likes you.”

“And I fancy you.”

Yeonjun is weak. So weak for Sooji that it isn’t surprising when his gaze softens and his grip loosened. His lips turning into an adorable pout. “And he’s near you...”

“And I drove herself down here at midnight.” Sooji grins proudly, knowing that his walls are finally backing down.

Yeonjun’s lips try to form a smile but it feels into a frown, his insecurities starting to crawl out. “He’s an idol, Jiji.” 

“You’re my it boy, yes. Your point?” Sooji brags, carding her hand through his hair. “Stop feeling this way, Jjunie. It’s not healthy.”

“I’m sorry.” Yeonjun apologizes, tucking his head on her neck. Sooji can feel his hot breath fanning over her clavicle. “I was just insecure.”

“It’s okay, don’t apologize. Just don’t bottle up feelings like this again.” Sooji comforts as she caresses his back. “And I don’t want you feeling insecure, Yeonjunie. Know that I think of you always.”

Yeonjun removes his face from her neck to get a better view of her. “I think about you too... and I missed you, angel.” 

The air conditioner isn’t broken which left them wondering why it’s getting hot as they stare at each other. Yeonjun’s eyes never fail to give her such raw emotions. Sooji bit her lip from the anxiousness yet his gaze trails on every movement she makes, making it worse for her.

“Can I kiss you?” Yeonjun asks hesitantly.

To his surprise, Sooji nods while her heart beats hard, rapidly, she knows Yeonjun can feel it. They’re too close to each other.

Yeonjun leans in to touch her forehead, her breath hitches as she anticipates for more. He smirks in smug when he realizes and before she knows it, Yeonjun kisses her. It’s just a small kiss, a brushing of lips. Yeonjun calculates his move because he doesn't want Sooji to get overwhelmed.

But she just missed him so much.

Sooji vows to herself men are off-limits but this was Choi Yeonjun in front of her. He could hurt her, she’s damn aware of that. But she’d still be grateful that she met such an amazing person.

And so she risks. 

Sooji parts her mouth to give him a signal, which he hesitates at first before cupping her cheeks to angle her face to kiss her better. This time, deeper. Their tongue colliding and in sync like it’s supposed to be connecting each other their whole life. Her hand going through his black hair as if she’s made to do it. The other hand is gripping his shoulder to steady herself on his lap. 

Yeonjun’s hand that was on her cheek moves to soothe her neck while the other courses from her sides to her exposed legs, leaving her goosebumps exposed. Yeonjun lets out a quiet hiss, arousal heightening when Sooji’s body responds to every bit of what he gives.

And Sooji can’t even describe it. Yeonjun looks neat but he tastes better than she imagined him to be. Guilty, okay? Sooji expects him to be this experienced. After all, he’s one fine young man. For sure, he has his fair experiences. But experiencing it first-hand is way different, better than what she dreamed about.

Yeonjun’s movements are so provisional at first. However, that was before he decides to savor his lips into hers, and Sooji swears she almost loses her mind. Her body goes limp but Yeonjun catches her, flushing closer together. Shivers run through her spine that she can’t help but lets moans roll out of her lips. Yeonjun smirks as he swallows all of it, he realizes just how much he was affecting Sooji and he likes it.

Sooji debates if she likes or hates the fact that Yeonjun knows he’s damn good at this.

“Are you...” Yeonjun pecks her neck. “Gonna stay...” Her jaw. “The night?” before he kisses her lips again.

Sooji calms her nerves down after she pulls back, breathing so hard as if she just finished a hard routine. 

“I don’t know...” Sooji voices out small, inaudibly, avoiding his eyes that intensely darts into her.

Yeonjun chuckles at her shyness, pulling her close to snuggle her. It’s now Sooji’s face tucking into his neck and she breathes in the familiar scent that she hasn’t smelled in almost a month. 

“It’s late...” Yeonjun contemplates, lust slowly fading from his eyes. “Just leave tomorrow morning.”

“The boys will see me.”

Yeonjun feels his shoulder slumps down at her statement but he accepts anyway. “Leave after they’re gone.”

Sooji nods. With that, Yeonjun pulls her out of his neck with her arms still tangled around him. 

Yeonjun leaves a kiss on her forehead and smiles sweetly. “Let’s sleep. I know you haven’t gotten any sleep.”

Perks of dating Choi Yeonjun? He can control the shifts in their mood.

Yeonjun guides her to lay down on his bed, his sheets smell like him so much for Sooji’s satisfaction. She rests on Yeonjun’s chest while her free hand sits on it while Yeonjun’s fingers draw patterns on her back. 

It’s so comfortable.

It feels like her safe place.

“Jjunie?” Sooji calls softly.

“Mhm?”

“Can you sing for me?”

Yeonjun, the whipped man he is, unable to deny his baby’s request. “So, there’s this song that has been playing on my mind lately... and I couldn’t resist but think of you.”

Sooji smiles at his statement and looks over the framed picture of their band that’s established on top of his table. They were at the dance practice room, laid down on the floor. Yeonjun was the only one standing with a cute grin on his face as if he was making fun of his members who looked too exhausted to pose. It displayed nothing but cute and pure friendship. 

“Just... just don’t get overwhelmed at the lyrics, okay? I know it’s too early.” Yeonjun cautiously reminds.

Sooji nods, settling on his neck instead of his chest. They scramble into a more comfortable position before he starts singing.

“Lady, I love you... I just wanna show you~”  Yeonjun tucks the hair that’s covering her face behind her ear. ”From the way you touch me..~”  gently touching her cheeks. ”And kiss me..”  now, caressing the outlines of her lips which renders her breath on hold. ”To the sparkle in your eye~” he sings rawly, his voice is husky that bestows more texture and emotions.

Sooji’s chest feels breaking out as she reached a different level of contentment. She has never felt this safe and happy until Yeonjun came into her life. She’s painfully aware of how early and dangerous for them to take the risk. 

But she thinks they can do it.

Yeonjun holds on to her tightly like he’s shielding her from anything bad that might come to her. ”Oh, how I love you. I just feel so lost without you... With my love and intuition, you’ll never have to say goodbye.”

Chapter Text

“Very well,” Dabin compliments proudly as the girls stand in front of the panel of dance instructor and mentor who feels the same way. 

“Yeji, observe yourself when you belt out. I can sense some hesitation, let go.”

“Lia, posture is good enough but you have to control your facial expression. It looks so awkward.”

“As for Ji, I like your gestures during the opening but be cautious of your breathing when you rap. You’re going off the rhythm sometimes.”

“Ryujin, I need you to control yourself during the intro line. You’re too tense, it won’t match with Yeji. Better work on your chemistry, okay?”

“And Chaeryeong, I need more stage presence. Your dance is good, keep it up.” 

“Yuna, more charm!” Jinyoung comments with an unusual calm tone but the way he’s looking thoroughly into their eyes says it otherwise. 

The soon-to-debut girl group nods. Once again, the head of the company peeks on the paper that he’s been holding the entire time. While the others exchange hidden glances, Yeji subtly rubs Sooji’s back, her reassuring smile can be seen from the mirror at the back of their mentors.

“Recording next week, I want your voices to be prepared. I skimped on the past few months because you’re learning the choreography but your vocals are just so— not it.” Jinyoung remarks, disappointed. Sooji gulps when meets her gaze with him. “Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir!”

“Wrap it up. I’ll see you soon.” With that, he leaves the room, much to their satisfaction.

The panel bid their farewells too, though not before telling them to keep up the good work. Sooji doesn’t miss the opportunity to discuss with one of her favorite mentors and ask if she lacks in her performance. Smiling, the latter only tells her that she has improved. Nonetheless, there are still things that she still needs to develop.

“You’re going with us?” Ryujin questions, stunned when she Hawks at Sooji who’s packing up.

The black-haired girl nods. “Yep, I’m concentrating on my rapping so I need to wake up early tomorrow for the session.”

Ryujin grins and tugs out of the practice room. Ahead of them are Yeji and Lia who are both busy as they talk about facial expressions since the leader knows it most in their group. Chaeryeong and Yuna are half-dead walking, clearly weary from the rehearsal.

The elevator stops and opens for a while, revealing the STRAY KIDS members looking exhausted as they are. They smile and nod at each other when their eyes meet. Sooji bows back a greeting, then quickly looks away.

Hyunjin walks up beside her with a smile on his oval face. It doesn’t hide the depleted look, though. “Hey.”

Sooji offers the same smile. “Hi.”

Hyunjin scans her members who are either chatting with each other or staring at nowhere. Due to the tired condition, Ryujin doesn’t even bother to playfully lash out at Hyunjin like she usually does, no when she has no energy left.

“Your members look worn out...” Hyunjin chuckles lightly, scratching the side of his head.

Heaving a sigh, Sooji sighs. “Surprise evaluation.” 

“So, it isn’t just us, huh? Damn, we got scolded so much, that’s why we just finished practicing.” he shares as he skims his hair while looking at his reflection on the elevator’s corner. “It’s almost one, you just finished the evaluation?”

“Panel went inside of the room when we were about to wrap up.” she shrugs.

“You still look pretty even when you’re beat.” Hyunjin shamelessly states. Before they know it, there’s a sudden awkward silence forming along with few scoffs and stifling laughs.

Sooji avoids the eye contact that he was giving her before responding with a simple  thank you.  The elevator opens onto the ground floor and Sooji steps out first, walking down the hall to the exit. Somehow, the trek is much longer with her sore legs. She just wants to collapse on her bed as soon as possible.

“Hyunjin, are you coming with us?” Changbin asks, the same boy who was with him the first time they met. 

“Food?” 

Han drapes an arm around Hyunjin, looking at her before he waves his hand. “Yeah. We’re gonna buy at the nearest store open. Too late already.” 

Hyunjin nods and places his gaze on Sooji. “You want something?”

His members already scattered around the street. Unsurprisingly, some are going straight to the dorm. Opposite to Han’s group who seem to be already walking towards the mart.

Sooji shakes her head in refusal. “No need.”

“If you’re gonna scold me for assuming that you’re bothersome then don’t. You’re not, Ji. You know I like you.” 

The people around them halts whatever they’re doing, resulting in Sooji to stop walking. Changbin and Han squeal loudly as if they’re watching some sort of a local drama. Unprovoked, Hyunjin keeps the eager look on his face.

“I’m dating someone else, Hyunjin...” Sooji reminds which immediately makes everyone fall into deep silence. The girls probably heard it as Sooji realizes they ceased walking behind her.

“I am aware of it, yes, but I’m not trying to do anything suspicious here. I just want to do the things he can’t,” he questions rudely, forehead creasing. “Where is he anyway? I don’t see him taking care of you. What a waste.”

That’s where Sooji draws the line. She scoffs and looks at the man, offended. Ryujin eventually steps in the middle when she senses her best friend's change of mood. Han carefully pulls Hyunjin away from Sooji to avoid him from saying anything stupid that he might regret.

“Back off, Hyunjin.” Ryujin barks.

Hyunjin chuckles sarcastically, still clenching his perspective. “What? I’m stating the obvious.”

Sooji’s lips form into a narrow line. “He’s busy.”

“That excuse? You actually believe that shit?” Hyunjin mocks.

“He’s a trainee.” she retorts with her chin up, ready to maintain the conversation if Hyunjin wouldn’t stop it.

The audience drops their jaws as soon as they hear what she has said. Sooji is already physically tired but to hell with everyone who dares to speak ill about her lover. 

“Ji...” Yeji trails as if she’s warning her.

“Not from here.” Sooji quickly defends and the girls sigh in relief at that. Ryujin smiles at her as if to say she got her back.

“Then from what company? I’m sure I know him.” Hyunjin continues to pry.

Eyes laser-focused, attention locked, they’re all anticipating her answer but Sooji only shudders her head. “That’s all I can say.”

Han nods, understanding her situation. “We’re sorry, Ji.” then looks at his member. “Fuck, bro, let’s just go.”

Dejected, Hyunjin doesn’t move. Sooji decides not to hold a grudge and smiles kindly. “He’s treating me well, Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin crinkles his nose before closing his eyes. Sooji takes that cue and bows once again and steps away. The supposedly short walk towards their apartment feels long with the heavy silence.

So before going inside their own rooms, Sooji speaks up. “I’m sorry... I’m just not ready to tell anyone yet.”

The youngest winks her doe eye. “You’ll tell us when you’re ready?”

“In a heartbeat.” Sooji relaxes, thankful that her members are very understanding that she doesn’t need to explain further because that would be awfully tough. “I’m really sorry.”

“As long as you’re happy, Ji.” Lia comforts.

“Personally, I can see he’s not a distraction,” Yeji says, opening the door of their space. “Sleep now, girls. Ryujin, you’re on morning call.” 

Ryujin grimaces before nodding. Approximately an hour later, Sooji finally settles down on her bed to rest. 

“Are you okay?” her roommate asks.

“Peachy.” Sooji chuckles to let her know it’s real. “Go to sleep, Ry. If I wake up first, you’re treating her dinner for a week.”

The other girl, of course, whines. “That’s not fair?”

She breathes loudly. “Just go to sleep.”

Not even a minute later, Ryujin’s complaints fade into the abyss while Sooji gets her phone from the nightstand. She avoids notifications that aren’t necessary and clicks on a specific cluttered text.

YEONJUN

back to dormm

wru my baby

im watching my dance vids just call me when ur abt to sleep

But those messages were already sent three hours ago. Sooji hesitates on ringing his phone but eventually, she does. A few rings before she agrees on dropping it instead until Yeonjun finally picks it up.

“Angel,”  

“Who’s angel?” Sooji teases, controlling the volume of her voice like the usual whenever they call.

“My angel. My baby. My prettiest it girl. My Jiji.”

Sooji puckers her lips as she imagines what his face would be right now. “You sound exactly like eomma.”

“If you’re trying to offend me, it’s not helping at all.” 

Sooji laughs at Yeonjun’s come back, concluding they could never live without bickering with each other, and she prefers it anyway. “Go back to sleep. I’m sorry I called you.”

“It’s okay, silly. I can talk for a few minutes!”

“Calm down?” she sneers at Yeonjun’s demand.

“I just miss you so much and your brother won’t let me hug him. I just want something that’s close to you, it’s not fair.”

“Life is not fair, Yeonjunie~” Sooji sings in a random tone and pulls the comforter over her body, missing the comfort of Yeonjun’s warmth.

Feeling the same, Yeonjun sighs over the line.

“The next time we see each other, I need my cuddles.”

“Okay.”

“And my kisses?”

Sooji doesn’t even need to look at Yeonjun to know he’s pouting. But still, it would be nice if she’s with him and having this conversation.

“What? Don’t tell me you didn’t like it?”

She groans.

“You know how to kiss, huh. I thought my pretty angel is innocent?” 

“That was my first kiss! I am innocent!”

“You’re what?”

“Innocent,” she answers.

“Pardon?”

Tries again. “Innocent, pretty angel?” 

“Come again?”

Sooji rolls her eyes when she understands what Yeonjun expects to hear. “I am your innocent pretty angel.”

“You’re my pretty angel.”

The thing about Yeonjun is, he’s definitely aware of how charming he is and uses it in situations like this to turn the table around for his gain. So instead of rolling her eyes again, she feels her stomach flutters. He’s always been good at flirting, saying words that Sooji wants to hear. Or even the words she doesn’t know she wants to hear until it rolls out of his smooth mouth.

”How was your day?”

“It was fine... had our random evaluation that’s why I couldn’t text back,” she explains, remembering that she was already holding her phone to message Yeonjun but the door suddenly opened and the panel’s in front of them.

Sooji hears him, probably turning into a more comfortable position. ”How was it?”

“Jinyoung PD-nim said I just have to practice my breathing while rapping,” Sooji notes, playing the cord of her charger as she stares at the ceiling.

“Oh... one of your killing parts?”

Yeonjun knows about the outline of the choreography since Sooji tends to rant every single night about the rehearsals or even just small details. Yeonjun does the same, especially when he’s frustrated about his own evaluation.

Thinking back, Sooji thought Yeonjun was the type to be pressured about someone else’s expectations since that’s what he opened up to her the first time... but as time goes by, she proves herself wrong. So wrong. Yeonjun is much more of a perfectionist for himself. He doesn’t look over the scores or ranks. He’s sharp about the bar he set on himself.

And it’s higher than anyone else’s.

“Yes, the part where the rap and breakdance clashes,” Sooji says, closing her eyes and feeling the fatigue absorbing her system.

Polar opposite to Yeonjun, Sooji is a perfectionist herself too but she cares a lot more about other people’s opinions. She doesn’t disclose but she gets easily destroyed when she fails to reach their expectations. It’s one of the reasons why Soobin opposes the idea of his twin going the same path as him. From an outsider’s view, he looks more fragile on the outside but Soobin is a lot more mentally strong. Unlike her.

“Ah, I get it... then we practice.”

Sooji’s right eye peeks. “We?”

“We.”

“...but—”

”We could go through your lyrics then you rap it over the call. I’ll tell you the cues of where and when you take a breathe or say the words out.”

Sooji tilts her head. It was actually a wise plan but there’s just an uncomfortable feeling. “This is too much for you, Yeonjun. You’re already been going through many things.”

“Let’s just allot a time every day. Even five minutes would do it until your last recording.”

“Are you sure it’ll be okay for you? It would take your free time to rest.”

“Jiji, baby, you  are my rest.”

“Bud, why do you look pale?” 

Sooji taps her shoulder. “It’s just the anemia and I have my period now.” 

Everyone who knows her enough seems to be aware that Sooji is suffering from anemia. It started when she became grade conscious during high school that she would pull out an all-nighter just to ace her review up, similar to how she stays in the practice room after rehearsal. Although, Sooji has maintenance medicine she’s too neglectful to take. Had Ryujin and Yeonjun not there to remind her, the pills would most likely expire at the back of her drawer.

“I still have to practice my vocalization with Ry. Will you be fine waiting here?” Yeji asks, getting up from her seat.

Currently, at the lounging room outside the recording studio, they chill for a moment as Sooji just finished recording her part since it’s only rap and a few hidden vocals. Yeji and Ryujin come in after taking their voice lessons while Chaeryeong and Yuna are taking their practical examinations in school.

Their schedule for the month is packed that they have to put up with their examinations in advance since they needed to concentrate on shooting the music video the following week as it is already the end of November. 

“I have to study for finals too, I’ll be in the cafe downstairs. Do you want something?” Sooji inquires, gathering her Herschel bag that’s quite heavy because of school supplies and spare clothes in it.

“We’ll stop by after this,” says Yeji.

Ryujin agrees. “Perfect, we can go home together.”

They all stand up at the exact moment when their vocal instructor calls the two. Sooji walks through the building while looking at the windows where she catches glimpses of the setting sun that’s hidden away from the winter clouds.

“Wintermelon bubble tea, please.” Sooji orders, interchanging the friendly smile that the cashier is giving her. “Extra large and also add a plain waffle too for dessert.”

Nodding, he gets her card for her payment. Sooji takes that chance to scan the warm-toned room as she waits for her name to be called. There are wooden tables and decorations as design that gives home vibes. She even sees some of the staff and seniors spending their leisure time. She bows politely at them which they nod politely.

“Here’s your order.”

Sooji smiles, reaching over her tray. “Thanks.”

Then she decides to sit at the free table around the corner considering the fact that she gets easily thrown off by random noises when she studies. Also, for the perfect view that calms her nerves down. She even takes a picture of the drizzling sky and posts it on her Instagram story.

Sooji scrolls through her feed as she slurps the boba tea when the phone vibrated. An Instagram banner indicating that Yeonjun acknowledged her story.

@CHOIYJ replied to your story:

i miss you

( view photo)

Sooji clicks the picture he sent her, showing a selca of the five of them with Yeonjun holding the phone as he pouts while the other boys did their own aegyo. Hueningka is carrying Soobin who’s upside-down behind his back.

whats happening there ㅋㅋㅋ

eyes off from them for a sec

ure just mad u missed the fun

:(

Sooji giggles before sending a selca. The planes of her face are exposed to the camera as she poses for a simple V-sign.

my!! pretty!! baby!!

Sooji feels her cheeks blush as she likes his message before deciding to drop her phone and finally reflecting on her handwritten notes. She wears her earphones and puts on her Lo-Fi playlist. 

That’s one of her differences with Yeonjun. Whenever they would hang out, they tend to argue about each other’s music preferences. Sooji doesn’t let him breathe for choosing to listen to hardcore hip-hop. In her defense, she likes them too— but only when she’s dancing to it... not when she’s sitting down and supposedly studying. 

However, they raise white flags when it comes to R&B. That’s a different case. An exemption. A truce.

Sooji exhales shaky, realizing she’s missing Yeonjun too much. 

About two hours later, she’s almost finished reviewing, someone sits on the seat in front of her. Sooji glances at him before nodding and avoiding eye contact. “Hyunjin.”

“Sorry...” He starts off soft, Sooji still couldn’t see his face as she busies herself into skimming through her notes. “I really am.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not... but I still want to clear things out,” Hyunjin confesses with hesitation. “To be honest, I still don’t buy that dating card—”

Emotionless, Sooji puts her gaze on the man on the fore. Hyunjin stiffens to his stool when he receives the cold warning glare.

“...but I respect you. And I’m honest when I told you that want to be friends, ” he confides, meeting her eyes. “Or anything that you can offer. I understand.”

Wow, she thinks.

Anxious from the anticipation, Sooji drinks from her tea before facing him, pondering what appropriate words to answer back. “We’re friends, Hyunjin.”

The man fondles his hands while grinning wildly. “Thank you.” 

“It’s nothing.”

Hyunjin accepts with a smile of relief plastered on his face. “I’ll be going now. You seem busy studying.”

Sooji cringes at the dreadful word, nose scrunching at the same time. Maybe she shouldn’t have hung out too much with Jeongguk back in the day. She inherited his habits, unwillingly.

“Finals.”

“Finals suck.” Hyunjin mimicks, prepares to leave the table. “For what it’s worth, stay strong with your relationship.”

Cheeks flushing in crimson, Sooji waves her hand in denial. “W-We’re not on that level.” 

Hyunjin throws his head back, cackling so hard and getting the attention of customers nearby. “Yet... maybe? You’re the type to be into for the long howl. I hope he is too.”

“I hope.” Finally, something both of them could agree on.

“Well, if he doesn’t keep you... he’s a dumb fuck. You should know your worth.” he winks.

Sooji laughs lightly before looking away. “Yeah, I guess...”

“Go get that perfect scores and debut, Ji. If you need me, I’ll be there.” he cheers, sporting a warm smile before turning around to move out.

It’s earlier than usual when Yeji, Ryujin, and Sooji got back to their dorm. Yeonjun already texted her to get some rest and not to wait for him since they’re going to have a long practice for their weekly evaluation tomorrow. Their debut is set to be a month later than the girls yet they’re working just as hard, probably a lot harder because BigHit has more plans for promotion.

Also, the expectation of being the first boy group to be debuted after the international superstars is a pain in their asses that Sooji couldn’t imagine for herself.

“Ji!” Yuna calls from the living room.

Sooji pushes herself up to get out of the room, wincing once she feels her lower abdomen cramps. “Yes?”

“Delivery!”

“I didn’t order... what?” Sooji reboots, scanning the paper bag that the youngest is clutching in her hands.

The leader appears out of the kitchen with a spatula in her right hand, looking at the maknaes who are still carrying their backpacks. “You just came?”

“We had to stop by the company,” Chaeryeong responds with a tired voice, slumping down on Lia’s lap who is laying on the couch as she watches a movie on her phone. 

“Ji, have you taken your medicine?” Ryujin questions as she emerges behind Yeji’s.

Sooji nods. “Yes, eomma. I’m going to the mart, who wants to come?”

“What are you going to buy?” Lia inquires about her interest, shifting her weight carefully while Chaeryeong soundly dozes.

“Pads.” 

“I have extra?” Yeji offers loudly as she moves back into the kitchen. 

Sooji shakes her head in embarrassment. “I still have but I just wanna buy another pack.” 

“Okay.” the leader replies. “Kimchi rice will be good to eat in a few minutes, is Chaeryeong still up?”

“Dead-beat,” answers Lia. “Let her rest for a while.” 

Yuma screeches as if an idea pops up from her mind, “Oh! Ji, I think you have one in your delivery?”

“I didn’t order anything...” Sooji mumbles as she accepts the package.

“Maybe it’s from your boyfriend!” Yuna teases.

The girls let out their own squeals, Chaeryeong just mumbling incoherent words. Not wanting to stand in the spotlight, Sooji laughs shyly before she excuses herself to go back to her room. Curiously, she unfolds the package. And when she does, her eyes broaden upon discovering the items. It consists of a bottle of energy drink, a chocolate bar with walnuts, and her preferred brand of the napkin. A letter is also attached.

hey angel, i saw the calendar lol idk much abt this it’s my first time i had to ask eomma what to give u  ㅋㅋㅋ drink the pocari for hydration and chocolate since it’s ur face. did i get ur pads right? sorry im not there cuddling hr pain away. i’ll do better next time. i promise!

warm hugs n kisses from Yeonjunie <3 

Sooji’s lips quiver as she browses his handwritten note. Immediately, she pulls out her phone to type him a message.

YEONJUN

this is perfect jjunie. thank u :(

Suddenly, her phone vibrates.

“Hey baby,”  

Yeonjun sounds like he’s gasping for air in which Sooji quickly figures the boys are still trapped in their practice room.

“You’re rehearsing?”

”We’re on a five-minute break. Did I get everything you need?”

“All of it. Thank you.” Sooji smiles at the thoughtfulness. Sucks hard knowing Yeonjun couldn’t see it. “How did you know?”

“I listen to your random thoughts, angel. Though, the drink was mama’s idea.” 

He giggles groggily.

”Now, she won’t stop me from asking who I’m dating.”

Sooji’s cheeks flush again, but before she could reply, there’s a random sound of movements shifting over the call.

“Jun, break is over.” Sooji hears her twin’s reminder. ”Hi, Ji!”

Sooji doesn’t reply since it looks as if it’s just a passing greet, and Yeonjun sighs silently like he doesn’t want her to hear his disappointment.

“Have to go. Take care of yourself, hmm?” 

“Hwaiting, Junie,”

“That’s all I need, baby.”

Sooji takes her time looking closely at the letter when Yeonjun drops the call. The same butterflies erupt in her stomach as if it’s the first time she has read it even with the fact that she already did more than twice.

She’s only brought back to reality when Ryujin’s head peeks from the door. “Dinner’s ready. Oh— was that from Yeonjun?”

Nodding, Sooji answered. “He sent it through instant delivery service.”

Ryujin laughs, not even surprised what Sooji has said. It’s pretty clear to everyone how smitten Yeonjun is when it comes to her.

“Whipped.”

Sooji goes out of the building as soon as she wraps up the daily rehearsal. Yeji tells Sooji to not wait for the girls to finish recording last minute since it’s her birthday. It’s basically a free pass to ditch work and relax.

Still, her heels turn around and walk back to the tower, and still practices without the others knowing. She consoles herself that she would have enough rest for tomorrow since the rehearsal starts after lunch. To her pleasure, school is also out of her mind as its hell week is finished.

So now that she’s getting her keys, Sooji’s thinking of alibis to cover herself. Although that stressing thoughts immediately put at the back of her mind once she opens the lights and the loud confetti pops loudly as it rains down on her. Eyes widening as she saw her members, the boys, and her mother.

“What is happening!” Sooji yells in shock amidst the chaos and chattering of  Happy Birthday!

Hueningkai appears beside her to close the door and the lights, doing the traditional birthday agenda. Sooji still finds it hard to process what’s emerging right in front of her.

“Saengil chukahamnida! Saengil chukahamnida! Saranghaneun Choi Sooji! Saengil chukahamnida!”

Ryujin collects the frozen girl and makes her stand beside Soobin who’s holding the cake. 

“Make a wish, Ji!” Yuna exclaims in excitement.

The twins exchange their oddly identical bunny grins. “I already blew my candle the moment I woke up. Hueningkai almost shoved it to my face!”

Hueningkai pushes his hands forward while waving them, defending himself. “It’s your 19th birthday and you weren’t waking up!” 

They all laugh at Soobin’s accused statement. Sooji nods and closes her eyes to focus on her wish: ITZY’s successful debut and a happy life together with the people she loved. It’s all that matters to her.

Then she flutters her eyes open, Sooyoung hugs her daughter so tight, tears filling her own orbs. 

“Eomma...” 

“I missed you, my Sooji. Happy birthday!” Sooyoung greets with a warm smile on her face before setting her free.

As soon as Sooyoung walks to the table to fix the plates and utensils, Soobin places the cake on the counter before appearing in front of his twin again.

“Happy birthday to us!” Soobin giggles softly. Maybe it’s their bond in their mother’s womb when they feel some sort of distinct comfort that only the two of them could give one another.

Subsequently, the girls greet Sooji as well as if they haven’t greeted her earlier in the morning in the form of waking her up with bodies suffocating her. They traded a few solo selcas with Sooji and birthday wishes. 

“Yah, Choi Sooji, how are you still pretty after practicing!” Lia sarcastically reprimands after clicking the camera button.

Next, of course, the boys who have their playful grins on their faces that are almost too alarming when they greet the birthday girl. Smile fading, Sooji only notices that they’re miserably incomplete.

“He... Uhm. He couldn’t go.” Soobin reasons as if he read her mind.

“He was supposed to until Sihyuk-nim called him back for the song he’s writing for our next album,” Beomgyu adds, trying to lessen the sudden shift of sensitive mood.

“Album already?” Sooji asks in shock. 

Taehyun nods as he beams proudly. “Yeonjun has been studying lessons on songwriting for too long. I guess the producer thinks he’s inclined now.” 

“Well, I kinda caught him smiling widely a week ago...? I recall him telling me Sihyuk-nim liked the concept of the song he’s writing. He just needed to find a theme that would fit the vibe of our album.” Hueningkai explains and worries flash across his face when he sees Sooji's expression changing. “Are you okay, Ji?”

Of course, Sooji could only accept whatever reasons they’ve been feeding her. They came here even with the hectic schedule. It’s more enough for her, nonetheless. “I understand.”

Soobin messes her hair which earns him a groan from his twin in annoyance. Eventually, Sooyoung calls them to eat the food she cooked.

“Eomma, I missed your cooking!”

“Eomonim, the food is really good! Thank you for this.” Yeji appreciates which follows the rest to compliment the food. 

After a long conversation while eating, Sooji volunteers to help on washing the dishes but they all reject and tell her to sit down while the boys do the entertainment.

“So, how are you and Yeonjun?” Beomgyu inquires, his eyebrows wiggling vertically which causes the boys to tease Sooji, except for Soobin who’s helping the girls with the chores.

“We’re okay...” Sooji awkwardly says, covering her face that’s flushing in embarrassment.

“Jiji is shy~” Hueningkai choruses.

Taehyun chuckles at the youngest’s mockery. “Yeonjun comes off to be in L word. What have you done to him?” 

Hueningkai’s eyes perk up as if he thought of something interesting to add. “Exactly! He smiles and plays with us too much!” 

“Isn’t he like that even before?” Sooji retorts in playful disbelief, crumpling her face in suspicion.

Beomgyu nods. “Before, he’s contented with what he was doing. Like he’s used to being a trainee and getting his goal—”

“But now, it’s like he’s feeling emotions. Yeonjun is happier with what he’s doing like he found another purpose to work hard.” Taehyun cuts him off.

Beomgyu spanks Taehyun’s shoulder as a joke for interrupting his speech. “Right... right! I thought Yeonjun’s already a monster for being good but now he improved a lot!”

“Honestly? I envy him for juggling too many things at the same time. I don’t know how he does it.” Hueningkai confesses and then goes to hug Sooji so casually. She doesn’t mind though Hueningkai is naturally clingy.

“Are you talking about Yeonjun?” Soobin queries a bit quiet.

“Who else would it be?” Hueningkai reacts, receiving a mad yet cute pout from Soobin.

“I caught him smiling at nothing the other day! He’s literally just staring at the sky then he smiled?!” Soobin exclaims dramatically, joining the gathering of  What is happening with Yeonjun  club. “I didn’t know what to react!”

Hueningkai rises from her side to chime in. “Me too! He did that after drinking water.”

“Anyone notices how happy he is every morning?” Taehyun asks.

Simultaneously, they all nod. Beomgyu veers to her direction. “Do you have morning or night calls?”

“We call during the morning but it’s merely to wake each other up. Just good morning and drop. We call before sleep? Recently, he teaches me on rapping. Then we talk about our day. That’s it. It’s kind of routine, already.”

“That’s why,” concludes Taehyun.

It’s a funny sight when the boys huddle around her with the damn shining eyes on them as if she’s telling some bedside story. Having no choice at all, Sooji breathes heavily to contain patience for the teenage boys in front of her.

“Yeonjun teaches you how to rap? How?” asks Soobin.

Sooji shifts her weight on the sofa. “I sent him my lyrics then he tried it at first. When he got it,  quick , by the way, he gave me some advice... Or guides. Then I’ll try it. Sometimes, we’ll do duet rap.” 

“That’s so—”

But Beomgyu gets reduced because of Sooyoung, saying they need to go as it is already late and she has to drop off the boys before she could go home. Pouting, they hug each other and tells her random parting thoughts before Sooji waves farewell. The girls snuggle her too before going inside their rooms to sleep. It’s another exhausting day.

Sooji showers and gets changed into a thin shirt but thick pajama bottoms and socks when the phone vibrated. Yeonjun’s calling. 

“Hello?” 

“I’m outside your dorm building.” 

Sooji’s jaw slacks from the unexpected visit. “Why are you here?”

“I parked in front of the convenience store. See you, angel.”

Yeonjun is talking too fast that Sooji almost flunks in understanding the information he keeps spilling out but she obeys the crumbs she absorbed. And when Sooji is facing his car, she barely realizes she’s still wearing her sleepwear and a usual black cap with a mask covering her face.

Sooji pushes herself inside of his car. “What are you doing here?”

“Happy birthday, pretty!” Yeonjun celebrates with a happy grin on his face. He pinches her cheeks, clearly amused by his successful antics.

“I— What?” Sooji stutters in confusion once Yeonjun sets the engine and drives away from the apartment. “Where are we going?”

Yeonjun huffs in dissatisfaction. “Han River. There’s nothing open at this hour.”

Sooji nods. She knows she needs this getaway anyway. 

“What time will you be waking up tomorrow?” She questions, locking her seatbelt. It worries her at the thought of staying up all night could compromise their rehearsal schedules set for the next day.

“I don’t know. Pd-nim told me recording starts at three in the afternoon so,” Yeonjun replies. “Which reminds me, can you get my phone and text Soobin, please? I forgot to pass him the message.”

“You just got out of work and went straight here, didn’t you?” Sooji interrogates as she reaches his phone from the dashboard. “Password?”

Yeonjun chuckles and rests his free hand on her thigh. “Your birthday.”

Sooji blushes at his touch but it’s dark so she let it be. Then she unlocks his phone which later on, reveals her face as his wallpaper. She’s supposed to be used to this, but Yeonjun is just too much for her.

Staring (and cringing) at the screen, it’s a screenshot of their video call where she fell asleep.

“Why would you use this as your wallpaper!” Sooji storms, looking at him.

It’s a red light and Yeonjun takes it as an opportunity to look back and winks as a reply. She rolls her eyes with the non-verbal response and pursues in typing the message to Soobin, copying how Yeonjun does it.

“Why are you aegyo-ing to Soobin?” Yeonjun cackles when she makes him read her message to double-check. 

But she already sent it.

“Because that’s how you type?” Sooji mumbles with hesitation.

Yeonjin laughs harder as he grips on her thigh for a short while, just enough for goosebumps to come out. “I only do that with you, dummy.”

Sooji’s heart is in mayhem but she loves it.

Chapter Text

“It’s late yet there are still so many people,” Sooji comments as they get out of the car. “Wear your mask, Yeonjun.”

Of course, Sooji has to keep in mind that people in their industry actually know each other. Even trainees in different companies have their own group chat where they can rumour. And if the news gets out that Choi Yeonjun, Bighit’s Legendary Trainee, is spotted getting cozy with someone at Han River, Sooji can’t imagine what would happen.

“Okay, baby,” Yeonjun says, the pet name seems to slip out of his tongue out of habit that he doesn’t notice how much it flushes Sooji’s cheeks. Involuntarily.

As Yeonjun rummages something from the backseat, his date opts to take her time and scan the surroundings. Lights lit up on the bridge, the river is frozen since it’s winter season, and people are either sitting on the cold floor or just walking around. There are even cyclers strolling around despite the darkness.

Yeonjun stands beside her and gives her the pink thick hoodie that he was wearing earlier. He’s changed into a black pullover and a thick navy blue scarf around his neck.

“I didn’t use it during practice, don’t worry.”

As if she’s thinking that?

Unquestionably, Sooji wears it for the sole reason of wanting to be wrapped around his baby powdered scent. So much like Yeonjun.

The man beings said watches admiringly at how she (not so) subtle whiffs his clothing her before he forcibly pushes himself to walk.

Fidgeting from the cold, Sooji feels like she needs to do something as she takes note of Yeonjun’s hand being full from the things he’s carrying. “Do you want me to help you?”

The absolute sweet boy smiles. “It’s fine, maybe find a place for us?”

Sooji obeys, her heart feeling like it’s going to burst anytime soon. It’s not like she’s not used to this. There’s just something about Yeonjun that gives him a free pass to crawl under her skin.

After a few indecisive selections, Sooji finally sights a place where she’s sure would be private and comfortable enough for them to chill on. Wanting to get over it and settle already, Sooji bravely clutches his arm loosely to guide him to the chosen spot.

When they arrive, Yeonjun hands her the paper bags he bought from Subway before fetching her.

After laying down the blanket that keeps their asses from freezing, Yeonjun gestures her. “Let’s sit.”

It’s the moments like this that instills in Sooji the reminder of how much she enjoys his mere presence. Eating their favorite proscribed fast food with him, talking with him, bickering with him, giggling with him, even just sharing comfortable silence – Sooji loves it all and after being deprived of their morning ritual for a few months, this feels like euphoria.

“I heard you wrote a song?” Sooji breaks the lull as she cleans their trashes on a single bag.

Yeonjun tries to help but fails, only to discover that she purposely beats him to it. As a sign of silently asking for consolation, he signals her to move closer. “I did but something is missing.”

Without wasting any second, Sooji changes position: sitting in front of Yeonjun; who seems to be just as eager as he quickly imprisons her in his arm and his chin resting on the side of her head.

“What is it?” she mumbles at the cold winter breeze.

Linking their fingers at the top of her lap, Yeonjun answers. “That’s what I’m trying to figure out.”

Sooji smiles at the sweet movement. “You’ll come around.”

“I will. If you’re beside me, I’m confident, I will.”

Sooji quickly frets upon his inferiority. “You don’t have to depend on me, Yeonjun. That’s not how it works.”

Sighing, Yeonjun strokes her hand with his smooth thumb. “You’re just my inspiration.” 

“Will we be ready?” Sooji utters. In all honesty, she wants to close her eyes and sleep but the fearful thought that this scene is all going to vanish once she opens back, she chooses not to anymore.

Yeonjun shuffles to peek at her troubled expression. “For what?”

“We’re gonna be an idol in three months, Yeonjun. You know how this works.” Sooji asserts, her voice slightly breaking. Well obviously, she doesn’t want to ruin the date but hell forbids her to resist overthinking about negative things.

As soon as he hears her hoarse voice, Yeonjun pulls her closer for a nuzzle. “I’m too attached to you, baby. I can’t let go now.” 

“We’re gonna make this work?” she questions, borderline genuine and sarcastic.

“See this?” Yeonjun asks, gesturing for her to look at their intertwined hands. “This is what I’m never letting go of.”

“Words are harmful, Yeonjun.” 

“Don’t you have any faith in us?”

“It’s not about that... Imagine how hard it would be for us when we debut.”

“It’s probably gonna be the same,” he reckons, the hidden frustration slipping by the tone of his voice. “Look, we’ve been through time management already. We understand each other.”

Silence.

“Hey, if I was in this relationship with someone, not you, I don’t think it would work. I’m positive that we’re compatible. Do you get me?”

Wordless, Sooji nods, avoiding another negative thought slip past her lips.

“If it’s not going to be the same then, we take a step together. Easier said than done, I know. But I have trust in this relationship so much.” Yeonjun adds. “Even though, we’re not official.”

“Alright.”

“Alright?” Yeonjun repeats apprehensively. “Alright, what?”

“Alright like all is well. If we’re still dating on the day of your debut, we’re official.”

Yeonjun’s fox eyes widen as he carefully leans to look at her face. “Holy shit, that’s not what I meant, but for real?”

“You don’t want?” Sooji asks mockingly, trying to ease the tension.

Like the smug he is, Yeonjun smirks. “Challenge accepted, then.”

Feeling at ease, they return to their previous position and pitch on talking about random topics. Yeonjun mindlessly fiddles with either Sooji’s wrist or hand as the other stares at the night sky. 

Sooji clears her throat before reluctantly addressing another sensitive issue. “Since we’re going to be idols in a few months... we have to stay away from each other, right?”

“I guess,” he responds, still playing with her fingers. “We can still be subtle in person.” 

Sooji tilts her head and pressed on his chest. “How?” 

“Do you know sign language or any gestures at all?” Yeonjun ponders.

She shakes her head.

Yeonjun grabs her right hand to spread her palm, her fingers straightening. Then, he gently puts the middle and ring finger down. Forming into common  rock n roll  hand sign.

“This is the  ILY sign ,” Yeonjun explains, so meticulously as if he’s scared Sooji would react adversely.

However, she’s too confused to act like that. “That’s a rockstar.”

Yeonjun groans in a pout, muttering incoherent complaints about her ruining the mood.

“I’m kidding! It’s cool, okay? Stop whining!” she cackles. “We can use it if one of us feels nervous about the performance or anything at all. It can even be just to greet.”

“It’ll be our little secret.” Yeonjun points out a bit too flirty.

By instinct, Sooji rolls her eyes. “Whatever, yeah,”

Yeonjun hums, satisfied and continuously twiddling Sooji’s little fingers. “Then, we should be keen on each other’s movements too.” 

Sooji chuckles before goofing him. “As if you’re not already keen on my movements.”

Scoffing, he takes something out of the hoodie’s pocket that she’s wearing. “I can’t believe you didn’t notice.”

Sooji gasps in shock. “I can’t believe you put it there!”

Yeonjun pouts, taking two bracelets out of the box. “It’s your gift.”

“But this picnic alone was perfect as it is, Yeonjun. You have to stop spending your trainee allowance—”

“Stop asking me to quit spoiling my baby because I will never.” Yeonjun nags in finality as he ties the minimalistic bracelet around her left wrist before placing a chaste kiss on top of it.

Sooji looks at the pendants.

Then, blinks.

“YJ?”

Of course.

“For Yeonjunie and Yeonjunie only,” he says cutely. “SJ for me!”

Sooji chuckles at his mood swing before glancing at the bracelet that Yeonjun is wearing the whole time. She didn’t notice it until now. “SJ for Sooji?” 

“Assuming!” 

“And here I thought we’re both loyal here?” Sooji retorts, glaring at him, suspiciously. 

Yeonjun kisses the side of her head before hugging her again. “I’m joking, baby. My eyes are always on you.”

“You and your words,” Sooji whispers before heaving an audible sigh.

“Do you ever think about running away?”

On the spur of the moment, Sooji grips on his hand. “Running away?”

“From being a trainee? Student? Reality?” he trails. “I’ve never thought about those in my five years of being a trainee. Not until now.”

“If I were to think straight, I’d say that’s not a good option.” Sooji laughs awkwardly, fading into a grimace. “But believe me when I say I think of it too these past few days.” 

“What makes you think that?” asks Yeonjun, his other hand unclasping from her to fix the loose hair blowing on Sooji’s face.

“You,” Sooji simply says. “Like right now, this is Platform 9 and Three Quarters.”

“Platform what? Why are you pulling math on me at this hour?” Yeonjun fusses, suddenly pulling away to plop down on the freezing surface.

“I can’t believe you don’t know Harry Potter.” Sooji retaliates, shaking her head in disappointment.

“I know him! He’s the wizard!” Yeonjun defends, propping his elbows to meet her judging gaze.

“And?”

Swallowing the nervous lump on his throat, he avoids her eyes. “And... the one with circle glasses.” 

Sooji mentally facepalms herself, she’s dating this dork for months?

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that,” Sooji sympathizes. “Going back, Platform 9 and Three Quarters is a train station where Hogwarts students boarded the Hogwarts Express. You can only go through it by passing through the magical barrier.”

Pulling the reverse card, he questions almost uninterested if it wasn’t for her enthusiasm. “And?”

“This is hard to explain but in short... for me, it’s where you meet your friends are. Together, you run away to a special place wherein you can forget reality and be yourself.”

“Fuck...” he cusses, an imaginary light bulb appears to have lit on the top of his head. “Fuck! Fuck! You are amazing!”

Yeonjun exclaims and kisses her loudly on the cheeks before hauling for a back hug again.

In confusion, Sooji laughs at his sudden burst. “What is up with you?”

“Nothing,” the excitement of his voice says contrarily. “Just tell me if you don’t wanna stay. Now, we can go.”

“I’ll tell you when I need your hand the most, Yeonjun.” Sooji decides to ride on his bubble. “Promise me that you’ll tell it too.”

“I promise,” he commits sincerely. “You should take me to the magic called  us  when I do.”

Alright, maybe the bubble is a bit extreme. “Us?”

“Of course, who would it be? We’ve got to be together to get to the hidden 9 and Three Quarters.”

It’s almost an hour before midnight and the rest of the girls are already resting, except for the ones in Room 2 who are still hanging around the living room. Ryujin’s eyebrows are furrowed, body slumps on the couch while watching their recent dance practice video with earphones on. On the other hand, Sooji is standing in the middle of the open area she organized earlier by moving the furniture to the side.

“Let’s recall.... [nam singyeong sseugo salgin akkawo] then breathe a little more. You can exhale at the same time on the word [hago] but be fast with [sipeun il hagido bappa]. Make sure you drop the [My life] powerfully, okay? You always run of breath that’s why you can’t get the timing. You can breathe for like... a second and a half before proceeding to [nae mamdaero sal geoya malliji ma].” 

These days, their supposedly free time is still spent on practicing. Yeonjun checked up on her but it ended to be an hour-long call since they’re going through a last-minute run. 

Tonight is different, Yeonjun is practically multi-tasking as he supervises both of his group and soon-to-be girlfriend on the line. Sooji highly disagrees but Yeonjun is too serious about this that she couldn’t talk back. Well, she tried.

“Got it,” Sooji accepts, getting to her position before she dances and raps to her part. “[Nam singyeong sseugo salgin akkawo. Hago sipeun il hagido bappa- My life! Nae mamdaero sal geoya malliji ma.]”

Sooji hears Yeonjun clap from the other line. “Perfect! You got it again.”

“Really?” Sooji jovially exclaims as she catches on her breath.

“Ye— Yah! Soob, be careful with your footwork!” he shouts, mainly to remind his teammate. “Yeah, you can rest now. Make sure you don’t forget what we have learned for months!”

“Yes, sir!” Sooji makes fun of Yeonjun’s mentor mode. But seriously, he’s intimidating considering how good at what he does.

“Kinky.”

“Do you want to die?”

Yeonjun laughs at her reply before pouting. “I still don’t know your opening moves, Jiji. That’s not fair, baby.” 

“How many times will I tell you? It’s a surprise!” Sooji upholds while moving the tables that she pushed aside earlier. She meets Ryujin’s signal to leave which she responds with a nod.

“You don’t even let me watch your music video! The rest of the boys were talking about it for days that I couldn’t relate to!” 

“You promised to watch the first performance.”

“You made me promise! You lured me into ramen trap,” Yeonjun grouses as he attempts to prove a point. “I’m gonna watch, anyway.”

Sooji slips to the room to get her clean clothes before going inside the shower room. “You literally have rehearsals.”

“You really think I’d missed your debut?” Yeonjun challenges smugly. “Think again, angel.”

“Yah, Choi Yeonjun!” Sooji scolds as an objection. “If you do something I don’t agree—”

“As if your brother will miss it too?” he snaps back. “We only have to do the photoshoot for MNet. No rehearsals.”

Sooji heaves a sigh of defeat.

“Rest well now. I’ll see you soon, my pretty little thing.” 

All of the girls are so nervous. How could they not be when they’re up next to perform on the stage for the first time? Yeji is busy getting ahold of herself but miserably failing, Lia engages the mirror while chanting some of her lines, Ryujin essentially mutters every word that gets inside her head (no matter how nonsense it is. She just wants to let the nerves out), Chaeryeong looking like she’s about to cry, Yuna can’t control the shaking of her legs as she sits beside Sooji who seem to be the only one who looks composed.

Sike, Sooji feels like she’s a second away from passing out. Wisely, She diverts her emotions and does breathing practices as she watches the video of her SERENDIPITY with Yeonjun. Effectively, the angelic voice of her senior calms her down the same thing as she sees Yeonjun and her body gracefully dancing in sync.

Sooji didn’t send it to Jimin, though. She doesn’t want to break the promise she gave out but how could she share something that feels so intimate? 

“Let’s go,” Yeji calls when their teaser plays on the Television places at the wall of the waiting room.

Sooji slides her phone back into her bag before abruptly scanning herself in the mirror. She’s outfitted in a black-fitted midriff top with fishnet underneath but still reveals the outline of her abs, black and white camouflage track pants, and leather boots that matches their theme. 

Areum, her personal stylist fancies her choice of fashion that’s why they came to terms that the all-black outfit and high clean ponytail to be Sooji’s signature look.

As the leader, Yeji speaks to encourage. “Stay focused and enjoy. ALL IN US?”

“ITZY!”

Without giving a second thought, they step into the stage and proceed to their starting positions, anxiously waiting for the lights to turn on for the  performance  to start. 

“ARE THEY ON?” Yeonjun yells in panic as he frantically runs to the dressing room after his individual photoshoot.

Don’t get him wrong, he’s restless because the photoshoot adjusted which means there’s a possibility that he would miss it. He did miss the teaser but he did so well with his work that the photographer lets him go after being satisfied with the outcome of his concept pictures.

“Calm down, YJ. The lights aren’t even open...” Beomgyu teases, making silly faces to annoy the elder more.

The exact moment Beomgyu has spoken, the lights shimmers the stage. The beat drops and Sooji’s face is the first one to be seen from the camera.

“Shit...” Yeonjun cusses at himself as he looks at Sooji.

Initially, Taehyun planned on taking a video of Yeonjun’s reaction to use it against him but it immediately backfires when he’s also hooked on the performance.

As can be seen on the Livestream, Sooji keeps her fierce visual as she dances to the opening; the part where her right hand is going to touch her left shoulder, she forms her fingers to the ILY sign that they created back during her birthday.

“S-She—” Yeonjun stutters in awe.

“She, what?” Hueningkai sneers, amused.

“Keep quiet.” Soobin reprimands, eyes fixated on the screen.

At their will, the boys are watching intently like the rest of the audience as Ryujin starts the first verse, follows by Yeji who looks so stern; portraying what the song is about. 

“I honestly don’t know if they’re cute or scary.” Hueningkai comments.

“Keep quiet.” Surprisingly, Beomgyu is the one who berates.

Hueningkai presses his lips, stifling his laughter as he watches how ridiculous his members look at the moment.

To his knowledge, Yeonjun knows that Sooji’s killing part is about to come. Their transitions go smoothly as they gather to their position; where Sooji is the center, rapping as they breakdance.

Bad bad. I’m sorry, I’m bad

I’m just the way I am!

Sooji raps as she dances at the center of the stage. Then, she suddenly stands and mocks a pose.

I don’t care about anyone else

I’m busy doing what I do

Then, she switches her facial expression into a fierce as she does the floorwork, still rapping.

My life!

I’m gonna live my life in my own way!

Yeonjun jumps on his spot with his knuckles punching the air happily, his face putting a proud grin. The staff looking at him weirdly and his members laughing at him. Yeonjun bows as an apology before watching ITZY’s performance again.

On the other side, through her adrenaline, Sooji hears the gasps and cheers of the audience in front of them get louder. She knows she aced her part.

Days after their debut still feels like a fever dream. Or like... she literally reached her dream.

It’s nothing but bliss when they ended successfully. The fanbase is growing fast and Seoul became crazy about it. They even trended on huge social media platforms because of the number of netizens who kept searching for their name.

“Have you seen Twitter?” Ryujin asks as she bends her body to reach her toes using her hands.

Jinyoung is, in Sooji’s words, thankfully satisfied with their debut show. Dabin is also happy with what they showed on the stage but it doesn’t mean the panel is any less strict so now, they’re about to practice for the day.

“No, I haven’t had the time to check,” Sooji answers before drinking water. “Why? What’s up?”

“Seoul speaks... about you.” Ryujin laughs as she spreads her body on the floor. And no, they aren’t talking about Seoul only.  Seoul  is another term for the whole K-POP industry; media, fans, and even idols. “I wonder how Yeonjun is holding up with this.”

Sooji’s forehead creases as she mimicks her roommate’s stance. “What do you mean?” 

Before Ryujin has the chance to speak, Yuna comes banging the door. “Ji, you have so many presents!” 

Again, Sooji’s face automatically crumpled in confusion. “Huh? From whom?”

“Your fanboys, you fool!” Lia exclaims as she enters the room.

Ryujin shrugs with a lazy smile. “Exactly, yes.” 

Chaeryeong walks in with Yeji holding a paper whose brows are furrowed as she reads through the pages. Yuna connects her phone to the speakers and plays a random pop song for their typical warm-up routine. 

Sooji leans closer to Ryujin, proceeding with the conversation that was interrupted. “I think he’d understand.”

“Yah, why!” 

Yeonjun whines from the other line. His face expressing a childish outrage, lips pursing, and cheeks purposely bloating from his beak of a pout.

“It’s just gifts, Yeonjun.” Sooji chuckles, looking at him through the screen.

His chest presses against the bed cushion as his neck is tucked by a black pillow that he’s also hugging. Like the usual nights, Yeonjun is shirtless but his body is hiding behind his comforter.

“From admirers!”  

“From Seoul.” Sooji corrects.

“No.” 

“Shut it, Yeonjun. Your name initials are wrapped around my wrist.” Sooji retorts as she raises her wrist for the camera to catch sight of.

Yeonjun’s face changes into a happy one, giggling as he shows his bracelet too. He looks over the moon knowing she’s wearing his gift.

“I’m debuting in a few weeks!”

“I’m so excited!” Sooji beams with him before her mood falls. “I can’t watch live, though. I have vocal lessons.” 

TXT’s comeback date is dated on the 4th of March. Unfortunately, the girls have no schedule to perform on that day, and the maknaes returns to classes while the others are going attend their individual practices.

“You should watch it on the next live performance. We’re both performing on the 7th.”

“But—”

“No. You owe me one.”

Sooji blinks twice, trying to recall what he just said. “Owe you, what now?” 

“For using the ramyeon card on me!” 

Thanks to technology for being able to create something so helpful like video calls, Sooji sees Yeonjun’s lips turning into a beak as he bickers .

“I couldn’t watch your damn music video.”

Sooji gives a half-suppressed laugh. “Isn’t it your fault you fell for a ramyeon?” 

“Don’t you laugh at me now, angel? This has to be fair!”

“It is fair and square. You’re just too occupied seeing the ramyeon packs behind me that you chose it over the music video.” Sooji reminds as a matter of fact before sighing. “But, okay. I’ll watch it live, then.”

“Hmph!”

Hopeless. So hopeless.

Chapter Text

TXT finally debuted a few days ago but Sooji was not able to watch due to the petty pact she had with Yeonjun. Ryujin wouldn’t stop teasing her about it as well even as time goes by, mouthing the lyrics as she listens to the song through her earphones.

“Ryujin is seriously dedicated to the other group’s music... I can’t with her.” Yeji deadpans, observing the fake maknae who’s dancing in tiny at the middle of their dressing room.

Yuna perks up from the staff that was fixing her earpiece. “Their songs are good!”

“Blue Orangeade’s a bop for me, not gonna lie.” Lia compliments while getting her hair styled.

“Sheesh, I read they broke the record for the most viewed K-Pop debut music video within 24 hours for a boy group with Crown, though,” Chaeryeong adds, putting on her shoes. “I like their concept. I think they’re going for a friendship story.”

“You all watched it?” Sooji asks in envy but barely moving her eyes from the same SERENDIPITY video she always watches every pre-performance. It helps her calm her nerves down so much as if it’s already a ritual.

And yeah, she would never send this to Jimin.

“Please, ” Yeji groans. “Ryujin wouldn’t live us down. She even gathered us in the living room. Thought you knew?”

Yuna gasps, her lips forming into a ring shape. “You haven’t watch your brother’s debut?” 

Sooji puts her hand forward as a sign of defense. “No, no, no. It’s just that... I promised someone I’ll watch it first today.” 

“Who?” Lia intrigues, looking at her through the mirror.

“Y—”

The volume of the television gets louder. By the moment Sooji hears the first beats of the song, and when it registers into her mind, she quickly turns. 

Yeonjun’s face is on the television.

“It’s TXT’s turn!” Ryujin squeals loudly, taking off her earphones.

They all, except Lia who’s still not done with her hair, fills the couch. Sooji gets crushed as they jam together and watch the live  performance .

The boys wear matching white pants and black converse, their tops varying. As Beomgyu sings the first verse, Sooji couldn’t ignore but stare at Yeonjun. He’s wearing a white shirt that has a red italic text of LOVER underneath the unbuttoned red vertical-stripes polo. A bright red belt is also supporting his tucked-in top and hips, and damn that’s enough to make him look straight out of a retro movie.

“I don’t know about you but I think Ryujin’s betting on Beomgyu.” Lia attempts to provoke Ryujin who seems to glower at her statement.

“Hey, I want to be Hueningkai’s friend!” Yuna chimes in. She jolts up unexpectedly that Lia’s stylist startles.

“We’re literally schoolmates with them, Yuna. Sit down.” Chaeryeong scolds savagely, eyes still on the show.

Sooji laughs as she gets hit by the familiarity. “I’m surprised you’re still not friends with Tyun. You’re each other’s equal.” 

“Ah, really?” Yeji taunts. 

Even Chaeryeong proudly glows at her statement. “An intellectual, I see!” 

They stop bickering for a while during Hueningkai’s part where he acts as he’s going crazy. Subsequently, Beomgyu stands up for his part. Taehyun being the next one who also does well.

Finally, Yeonjun goes to the center as he sings his line.

Guhaejwo eojjeomyeon nan goemuri doenjido molla

Got no one but you

Something’s burning. Oh, wait. It’s just Sooji feels her cheeks scorching when Yeonjun makes cute gestures. Promptly, she hides her face but Ryujin catches her, laughing so hard at what she has seen, resulting the members looking at her in confusion.

Receiving dagger looks from her roommate, Ryujin tries to find a way to draw away the attention. “Soobin and Lia would most likely be close since they’re both slow.”

“Yah!” Lia lets out a playful scream. “Yeji and Yeonjun as the oldest, then!”

Sooji stiffens at hearing Yeonjun’s name. She calms herself down and Ryujin peeks at her subtly. Don’t get her wrong, Sooji isn’t panicking because he’s being linked to her leader. Sooji is panicking because she realized how long she hid Yeonjun from her members.

“I think that Bighit’s Legendary Trainee fits more with JYPE’s Secret Weapon.” Yeji contradicts, staring at her.

Yuna screeches from beside her. “Oh my god, I totally ship!” 

They all glance at Sooji who still looks agitated. She shrugs awkwardly, then continues to focus on Yeonjun’s rap.

Sesangeun daeche wae irae nahante

Haruachime ppuri dallin nae sangtae

Bichi isseulkka? agmahantedo

Geuttae nunapeseo pyeolchyeojin ne nalgae

Sooji’s chest sighs happily as she watches him work passionately at what he does best. For solid six months, they started talking, the majority of it consists of their careers.  It was nice having someone to be with throughout the journey, she thinks.

“ITZY!” The stage manager calls, pulling her out of her reverie. “Are you ready? You’re next!”

“Yes!”

Having no choice but to cut watching the performance, they stand up from the sofa. Sooji mends her black-fitted crop top as she stares through the mirror. Thankfully, Ryujin helps with the crease on her glittered gold skirt. 

On the hallway directing to the backstage, TXT suddenly appears from the corner, on the way to their dressing room since they have another song to perform after ITZY. Soobin, together with the boys who are smiling widely, waves at Ryujin and Sooji instantly. Sadly, Sooji wants to give Soobin a quick hug but they’re in the middle of a set. Instead, her eyes lock wanders around and meets Yeonjun’s as they bow rather too casually. Their members doing the same too as they exchange polite words.

“You did well!”

“Hwaiting!”

“Good work!”

When Sooji notices Yeonjun’s arm moves, she automatically drops her gaze down to his hand, seeing that he’s sporting the ILY sign. Nervously, she forms the same too. They smile at each other before walking in different directions.

“Sooji...” Lia gibes, slowly, her eyebrows moving up and down. “What does it mean?”

Chaeryeong drapes her arm on Sooji’s shoulder as they walk backstage. “Trainee, huh?” 

“As much as I want to laugh, let’s focus now.” Ryujin chuckles.

“Hey! You know something...” Lia accuses, squinting her eyes in suspicion.

“I see a power couple in the making.” Yeji states, smirking.

“My ship is sailing!” Yuna exclaims as they stand beside the stage, waiting for their teaser to finish.

“Okay, girls. Forget about the award later. Let’s enjoy the show.” Yeji commands, switching into her leader persona. “All in us?”

“ITZY!”

Panting from the  performance , they get out of the stage. TXT is already waiting at the backstage. Edgy, Sooji bows shyly without making eye contact before walking away.

Sooji feels a familiar grip on her wrist. The girls hold their screams at the back of their throats as if that’s possible. Sooji silently prays that what she’s assuming was wrong but when she looks at who it is, she might have created exit scenarios in her head.

“Are you okay?” Yeonjun questions, worries in his eyes that are carefully searching for hers.

Sooji nods, still avoiding his gaze. Instead, she anxiously scans the room; only to find that no staff is looking at them since they’re all busy. “Just thirsty.”

They hear TXT being called, saying they only have a half-minute left before they go back again. 

“I have to go,” Yeonjun says, subtly caressing the accessory he gave her. Sooji’s eyes locate his own bracelet, wearing it as well. “You did so well.”

“Thanks... Go up there, Jjunie.” Sooji smiles as she points the stage by tilting her head in its direction. Then, raising her tiny fists before cheering, “Hwaiting!”

“Hwaiting.” Yeonjun mimicks, removing his hand from her wrist before creating it into an ILY sign again. Sooji returns it and they nod at each other as the others watch the telepathy in front of them.

When Sooji wakes up it takes a moment for her to entirely open her eyes. Her body is stiff and tired as she stirs to the other side, planning to sleep some more when she hears someone bursting the door. She frowns.

“Keep it down...” Sooji mumbles incoherently, pressing an extra pillow to cover her ears.

“Keep it down?!” Ryujin yells, pulling the pillow from her face.

Yeji and Chaeryeong seek inside their room with reactions Sooji couldn’t absorb since she just woke up from Ryujin’s thumping.

“Ji, look at your notifications! You’re trending with Yeonjun!” Yeji demands urgently.

Anxiously, Sooji sits up real fast and unlocks her phone. She’s indecisive about whether to check the number of messages she has received or open social media. But she chooses the latter.

“Yeonjun? Suji? TXT? ITZY?” Sooji reads out loud as she scrolls through the trending section. “4th gen power couple? JiJunie?” 

“It’s your ship name!” Yuna exclaims as she appears, running inside with her gummy smile on with a sleepy Lia beside her that looks like she’s also got dragged out of her room by the youngest.

Sooji peers from her phone, still bewildered. “Ship? Ship name? What—”

“Ship as in, Suji and Yeonjun equal to JiJunie!” Ryujin playfully hits her to digest the information.

“Good luck with the media!” Lia makes fun of her, tying her long hair.

“Good luck with the company!” Yeji adds before going out. Sooji freezes on the spot. “I’m kidding. Just don’t be obvious, okay? Yuna, go back to your cooking! If the food burns, you’re on breakfast duty the whole week.”

Yuna rolls her eyes as she pouted. “It’s just toast.”

Finally, after an excruciating round of teasing, they all get out of the room except Ryujin who pats her back. “You okay?”

“Just overwhelmed,” Sooji answers, propping her body back to the bed before letting out a tired sigh.

Ryujin nods and shuts the door to give her space. Reaching over the phone, Sooji continues to scroll through dozens of messages. Most of it is congratulatory greetings about her debut yesterday from friends and relatives. She quickly sends a good morning text to Sooyoung and Soobin (ignoring his messages about the trending list) before proceeding to another text.

𝙹𝙴𝙾𝙽𝙶𝙶𝚄𝙺

𝙲𝙾𝙽𝙶𝚁𝙰𝚃𝚂 𝙼𝚈 𝙶! 𝟺𝚝𝚑 𝚐𝚎𝚗 𝚙𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝚖𝚑𝚖𝚖

𝚜𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚌𝚑 𝚔𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚊’𝚜 𝚙𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚛 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚗𝚊𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚗 𝚞’𝚕𝚕 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚝𝚊𝚎𝚔𝚘𝚘𝚔

𝚛𝚞𝚍𝚎

𝚍𝚒𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚕𝚒𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚘

Sooji laughs as soon as she reads his reply. Also, she sights a text from the other idol too.

𝙹𝙸𝙼𝙸𝙽

𝙲𝙾𝙽𝙶𝚁𝙰𝚃𝚄𝙻𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽𝚂 𝙼𝚈 𝙲𝙷𝙸𝙻𝙳

𝚄 𝙱𝚁𝙾𝙺𝙴 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚃𝚁𝙴𝙽𝙳𝚂 𝚃𝙷𝙰𝚃 𝚆𝙰𝚂 𝙼𝚈 𝙹𝙾𝙱

𝚊𝚗𝚠 𝚞 𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚊𝚛𝚢 𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚢𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚍𝚊𝚢

𝚋𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚏𝚞𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚔𝚜, 𝚓𝚒𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚎.

𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍𝚗𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚍𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚞

𝚒 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕

𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎

𝚗𝚍 𝚙𝚕𝚜 𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚐𝚐𝚞𝚔𝚔𝚒𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚙 𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚖𝚎

𝚑𝚎’𝚜 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚓𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚌 𝚑𝚎 𝚐𝚘𝚝 𝚛𝚎𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚎𝚍 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚘𝚘𝚕

𝚜𝚛𝚜𝚕𝚢 𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚘𝚔?

𝚠𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕.

𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚞 𝚜𝚘𝚘𝚗

Yeonjun’s contact lits on the screen, requesting a facetime.

“Why are we trending?” Sooji asks immediately the moment she picks the call.

His video looks shaky as it is he’s walking. Sooji could see him bowing to different people as he wanders through BigHit’s hallway, by the looks of it.

“Goodmorning to you too, lover.” 

Sarcasm could be heard in his tone. Sooji is left dumbfounded, forgetting what she’s going to say. 

“You’re forgetting we’re official now.”

Sooji’s eyes widen at the realization. “Fuck, did we really debut?”

“I already debuted five days ago but okay.”

“Why are you so early for work? Did they call you in because of what happened?” asks Sooji, panic in her voice is evident enough for Yeonjun to notice.

Yeonjun chuckles, fondness so evident on his face as he draws back just enough to look Sooji in the eye through the screen.

“Easy, baby. It was for the songwriting workshop. I don’t even think they’d make a big deal out of it.”

“I saw the tweets?” Sooji retorts, getting up to start her day. Technically, she still needs to go to work even if she dejectedly wants to lock herself up in her room.

“Calm down. They just find us cute yesterday when we were standing beside each other.”

“You  winked  at me during the encore, Yeonjun!”

“Don’t think about it.” 

Yeonjun lets out another set of a laugh before recognizing that Sooji is dead serious about the issue.

“Seoul ships idols in this industry, Jiji. Plus, I think this could benefit our debut too.”

“Are you saying this is fanservice?” Sooji scoffs, offended by Yeonjun’s wording.

His attention goes full alert, stiffening at Sooji’s warning voice.  “No, baby. That’s not what I meant.”

“I have to get ready now. Focus on your day and I will too.” Sooji says without letting him speak. 

Fuming, Sooji drops the call and mutes the notifications from him. She puts on serene music to help her get distracted at how upset she’s feeling, not wanting to go on a rampage when she comes to work.

For an hour, Sooji showers and does her routine, changing into a terno dark gray oversized shirt and cotton cargo pants. She walks towards the door where Ryujin and her headdresses are located to grab her large black bucket hat to hide her face. She’s extra unsociable today.

“Buddy, you have to talk to your guy. TXT’s flooding our chatroom.” Ryujin tells while munching her food.

She sinks beside Yuna who gives her the usual  good morning! hug. “You seem under the weather?”

Sooji browses through their concerned faces before smiling shortly for consolation.

“It was just about the trends...” Sooji shrugs, getting the box of cereal.

Yeji’s face crumples in alertness as if she’s a second away from reprimanding Yeonjun. “Why? He’s against it?” 

“No way in hell.” Ryujin promptly disagrees dramatically. “That guy is a total goner for her. If anyone between them likes being shipped loudly, it has to be him.”

Lia hums. “Possessive.”

Chaeryeong gets up to get a carton of orange juice, placing it on the table. “Can’t blame him. The amount of fans, especially boys, biasing Ji?” 

“Did he get mad at you because of it?” Ryujin questions, pouring the fruit drink in her glass. 

“It’s actually the other way around,” Sooji confesses, shaking her head to deny. “I mean, he whined about it for a minute—”

“That’s cute!” 

“I told you he’s a goner.”

“Then he said something that made me feel bad,” Sooji adds.

“What is it?” Chaeryeong asks, voice wary.

“He said the shipping would benefit both of our debuts,” Sooji replies with an irritated tone, pushing the bowl of cereal that she doesn’t know she finished eating. “I’m just upset because it’s like fanservice for him.”

“Oh.” Lia reacts lowly, her hand covering her mouth.

Yeji leans back on her chair with no expression. “I don’t think that’s what he meant, Ji.” 

“Fanservice and Yeonjun don’t fit in the same sentence and you know it,” Ryujin argues, putting a hand on her shoulder. “All of you have seen it yesterday— how genuine he was towards her.”

Reminiscing what happened after the MNet show, they went straight to their dorm to rest. The girls bombarded her with questions the moment they were out of their manager’s sight; while Ryujin just stood beside her, laughing at how badly Sooji was dealing with it.

“Let’s get this straight. The one you’re dating...”

But Yeji cut Lia off. “Is Choi Yeonjun! You’ve got to be kidding me?” 

Sooji nodded shyly, just sitting on the sofa while the girls were standing in front of her. “He’s actually my boyfriend now...”

Ryujin pushed herself out of the wall with a betrayed look. “The hell, since when?!” 

“Way back my birthday, we went out at late night. We ate and talked for a bit about what’s going to happen.” Sooji started, nervously. She didn’t want to look at Ryujin’s judging eyes because she failed to tell her about it. “I told him that if we’re still dating by then, we’d make it official once we both debut...”

They sported different reactions. Yeji with an amused face. Lia with a face that looked unbothered but her eyes expressed the other way around. Smirk plastered on Ryujin as she leaned again against the wall, letting the girls interrogate her. Chaeryeong tried to calm Yuna down who looked like she was going to burst out of exhilaration.

“Ji?” Sooji hears Yuna’s voice calling her back to reality. 

Her eyebrows uncurling. “Ah, yes?”

“You spaced out.” Ryujin points.

Standing up, Sooji doesn’t waste time so she goes to the sink while carrying her dishes to wash them. 

“Just talk it out, you’ll work it out,” Yeji advises, fixing the table.

“I think she needs space for a bit. This can be staggering.” Ryujin chimes in while getting the washed plates from her.

Lia yawns, probably still feeling the fatigue from yesterday’s performance. “This is going to be a long ride for them.”

“Just don’t let Seoul get you.” 

Sooji recalls her mother’s advice, sighing before pushing her feet to stroll through the building. Everyone is busy but her. Yeji and Ryujin departed to the mall to refresh while Lia went out with her other friends. The maknaes chose to stay in their dorm to work on their missed activities.

“Alone?” Sooji heeds a voice from behind her. 

She looks at him and smiles with exhaustion. “Hey, Hyunjin.”

“You okay?” the man questions when he takes her tired figure. He jogs towards her. “You look drained. Extra work again?”

Sooji shakes her head, exerting force to walk. Hyunjin follows her trails beside her. “No... I’m not in the mood.”

Hyunjin gasps strikingly. “This is a first?”

Strangely, Sooji feels comfortable around him and decides to press the button of the main elevator without knowing where to head.

“Everything just feels out of the place,” Sooji mutters, putting her mask on before going outside the elevator.

“Let’s get you a coffee?” Hyunjin offers which she accepts.

No words were exchanged except for when Hyunjin just asking for her order. She goes to find a table where no one would see them. Since they’re both idols, it could get messy with the media.

“I don’t think it’s out of the place, Ji,” Hyunjin states as he slips on the chair in front of her, sliding the Java Chip Frappuccino she requested.

Sooji’s brows furrow as she takes off her mask. “What do you mean?”

“It’s just that... you’re not used to this world.” Hyunjin hesitates to conclude, downing his cup before continuing. “I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings, okay? I assume it’s like that because I’ve been there which... Congratulations, by the way.”

He sends a mocking grimace.

“Feels suffocating.” Sooji quips, staring at the gloomy sky even though it’s spring.

Hyunjin hums, agreeing sympathetically. “Seoul suffocates.”

“It does.”

“But I can’t imagine dating another idol,” Hyunjin says, making Sooji stiffening on her seat. 

Blinking twice in disbelief, Sooji questions. “How?”

“Your ship is snatching spots on the trends ever since you’re caught interacting back.” Hyunjin points out, rubbing his chin as his eyes twitching.

“That doesn’t make any sense.” Sooji purses her lips in annoyance.

“Your shippers are already crazy about you. Hell, it’s only been... what? Almost a month since they debuted. Yet, here they are, analyzing left to right.” Hyunjin explains, pushing his loose hair back to his forehead. “And that bracelet did help to raise the suspicion at all.”

Sooji leans back on her chair, instinctively hiding the bracelet Yeonjun gave her. “Is the matching bracelet too obvious?”

Chuckling, Hyunjin shakes his head in disagreement. “I didn’t even know Yeonjun has his own. I only saw you wearing that every time I see you. Kinda figured it’s something special.”

Sooji sighs in relief. She thinks of Yeonjun’s outfits during their performances were long-sleeved. The bracelet wouldn’t get noticed unless it’s peeking out.

“It’s impossible to know who it was since they’re so many people whose name starts with Y. But your issues got out... Then, I connected the dots.” says Hyunjin. He leans back to his chair, imitating her position, with arms crossed.

Sooji feels her phone vibrating from her back pocket. Pushing her back away from the chair, she reaches over it.

𝚈𝙴𝙾𝙽𝙹𝚄𝙽

𝚋𝚊𝚋𝚢

𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚏𝚛𝚎𝚎?

𝚒𝚖 𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚔

𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚊𝚋𝚝 𝚝𝚖𝚛𝚠?

𝚒𝚝’𝚜 𝚜𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚊𝚢!!!

𝚒𝚍𝚔

Sooji breathes heavily, throwing her phone on top of the table frustratingly. 

“Woah there, tiger.” Hyunjin calms, unclasping his hand from his chest to raise it in surrender. “Did you fight?”

“We’ve been fighting since the shipping got out,” Sooji answers, tapping her legs anxiously as she looks away. “Well... me.”

“Jesus Christ, that’s like so long!” Hyunjin exclaims. “What happened?”

She groans, not wanting to talk about it anymore. “Just felt like this is fanservice for him.” 

Sooji knows she’s showing too many emotions to Hyunjin right now. This isn’t like her, but she can’t help it. She needs to let out or she’d explode any moment.

“Fanservice—” Hyunjin cackles.

“Why are you laughing?” Sooji retaliates in frustration, freezing on the spot.

“What do you fucking mean fanservice, Ji...” Hyunjin says with amusement, trying to calm himself down. “That’s Choi Yeonjun you are dating! Seoul has been anticipating him for as long as I can remember. He doesn’t need fanservice to get him more fans. He already has!”

Sooji stares at him blankly. “I know.”

“Then why?” Hyunjin asks in total composure.

“I know I overreacted, but I don’t know how to approach him. So, I didn’t.” Sooji raises her palms onto her face to hide.

“You don’t know how to apologize?” Hyunjin laughs.

Sooji nods in shame.

“I don’t know what to say, okay?” Sooji hurls defensively before Hyunjin could tease further.

“It’s not nice being prideful, Ji.”

Bull’s eye. 

“I don’t wanna give him an impression of being petty. I should look strong.” Sooji justifies, intertwining her hands anxiously.

“I know Yeonjun enough to know that he’s amazing, and you are too. Even if you weren’t not dating, people will still ship you both because you’d look adorable together.” Hyunjin states as he tries to get her to look at him. “And he’s not like the media or other people, Ji. He’s your boyfriend.”

Boyfriend.

Yeah, Yeonjun is her boyfriend.

Chapter Text

“Why does this have to hurt so much!”

“You’ve been having stomach ache since you got home! What did you eat? Where did you go?” Ryujin’s voice thunders, caressing her roommate’s back comfortingly.

“C-can’t sp-speak.” 

Yeji sits on the floor to face her and sacrifices her hand for Sooji to grip the pain. “Where is he? I will seriously kick him when I see him on the next Inkigayo if he doesn’t appear any minute now.” 

“He’s here!” Yuna shouts from the living room.

Dazed, Sooji hears rattling footsteps until she sees Yeonjun rushing inside the room. He abruptly puts down a gym bag he’s carrying.

“Came as soon as I could.” Yeonjun tells the leader who swaps their hands. “I’ll handle her.”

The familiar warmth of Yeonjun invades her palms. 

“Where’s Soobin?” Ryujin asks, putting a warm compress on her stomach.

“Still practicing. He can’t go because he has to stay with the guys.” Yeonjun replies, fixing the chain of Sooji’s bracelet that is stuck on the hem of the pillowcase.

“How are you here?” Yeji ponders, standing up.

Yeonjun kisses the side of Sooji’s head for comfort before speaking. “Did a perfect solo run to get a pass.”

“That’s... awesome.” Chaeryeong quietly comments, fascinated.

“I think I deserve a time out to take care of my girlfriend.” Yeonjun thoughtfully states as he strokes Sooji’s cheek with his thumb.

Lia nods in concern before signaling the girls to go out. “We’re just gonna be in our rooms.” 

“No funny business, Choi.” Yeji reminds before going.

Yeonjun suddenly coughs out of embarrassment, his cheeks flushing as he smiles at Sooji.

“I’ll be sleeping in Yej’s room for tonight. Will you both be alright?” Ryujin questions, standing up from her bed. 

Yeonjun nods. “Thank you, Ryujin. Good night.”

After Ryujin closes the door, Yeonjun unclasps their hands to get something from his bag. 

“W-What are you doing here?” Sooji asks impassively, concealing the pain and humiliation she’s feeling.

“Taking care of you.” he takes out a litro of water and a vapor rub. “Where did you go? I thought you’re busy?”

Yeonjun helps to angle her body and asks for a consent to move her top to reveal her stomach. Once Sooji agrees, Yeonjun gently rubs the ointment on the area in pain. 

“I went for a coffee.” Sooji answers with guilt, wincing when the pain kicks again.

Yeonjun warm demeanor suddenly turns into an upset aura. “Damn it. Why would you fucking drink coffee when you’re acidic?” 

Sooji feels herself shrinking like she’s being reprimanded, hiding herself behind the pillow. 

“Baby,” he calls softly when he’s done rubbing the cream.

Yeonjun supports as she sits up on the bed, leaning on her headboard before getting the water and a piece of banana to give it to her. 

“I want half-litro consumed before you sleep, okay?” he commands softly, excusing himself to wash his hands.

Sooji obediently eats the banana. And when Yeonjun comes back, she drinks the water. Yeonjun sinks behind her as he silently ties her hair into a low messy bun.

“Feeling better?” he asks, smiling with solace and comfort.

“I’m s-sorry.” Sooji croaks, pertaining on the real issue aside from her illness.

Yeonjun smiles understandingly, getting the leftover to discard it. “It’s nothing.”

“I was with Hyunjin earlier...” Sooji admits, playing with the pendant of the bracelet.

“I know.”

Sooji’s face contorts instantly as her eyes quiver. “What?”

“I saw you.” he trails emotionless she’s failing to read. “I was gonna surprise you in the lobby of your building.”

“Yeonjun...”

“But Soobin calls for an emergency meeting.” he cuts off. “I was lucky you had company or I’ll embarrass myself.”

“Hyunjin and I are just friends, you already know that.” Sooji tries to reassure as sshe moves on the bed, leaving the right side free for Yeonjun who scoots the way she likes it.

It starts with an arm thrown around his middle, then followed by a similar motion with one leg loosely placed upon his own, basically shifting her body so he could spoon her from behind.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to explain.” Yeonjun places a chaste kiss on her shoulder. He plays with the initials of her bracelet before he finally intertwined her hand. “I missed you.”

Yeonjun’s expression is blissful, as if he’s totally content now, wrapped around Sooji like this. Surprisingly, it seems to be enough for Sooji to calm down as well. Just by looking at the others’ tranquil expression, she starts to relax, but the weight of guilt is still there.

“I meant it when I apologized.”

“What’s important now is you’re with me.” Yeonjun says, voice deepening.

Sooji can’t take it anymore. It just makes her more guilty that she hides feelings when Yeonjun has always been honest all the time.

“I was pressured when we trended...” Sooji confesses slowly, pushing herself to say the words. “It’s like I needed to look better to deserve you.”

Yeonjun stops himself from stroking her skin. “You avoided me because of that?”

Sooji releases their hands to stir around and press her face on his chest. “I don’t want to bring you down. I didn’t tell you because I don’t want you to see how emotional I can be. You’ll only think of me as a baggage... and that’s not what you need right now.”

Yeonjun gently pulls her out to check her face, looking at her with a mellow gaze before caressing her back.

“First of all, fuck Seoul.” Yeonjun storms, words heavy. “Let them guess and judge, angel. We don’t care about them. Our relationship is not for the cameras too see.”

Sooji’s heart swells on his optimism.

“...So, let them talk. Second, have you seen yourself? You’ve been the darling of the crowd since you debuted. They aren’t gonna talk shit about you now unless they’re insecure.”

Sooji doesn’t know how Yeonjun does it but she finds her lips involuntarily lifts into a smile as she watches how Yeonjun’s been gushing out, not thinking how consoling his words are. The main objective is always to make Sooji understand. And slowly, she is. 

“Last, stop thinking about wanting to look better for me. I get it, I am like that for you too. Though, I want to better myself for you and this relationship to work out but with honesty, okay?” Yeonjun speaks as gentle as possible. “I like you because you’re you.”

Yeonjun is staring at him. Sooji almost fucking chokes, because Yeonjun’s eyes are black and blown and he’s staring at Sooji like he cares for her, like he needs her, and it’s so much for her heart to process.

“Okay.”

“No, really.” Yeonjun clarifies once again. “Give me the good, the bad, the hell. I literally want all that you can give me.”

She wakes up cuddling against Yeonjun’s chest and feeling his warm breathing against her. Even when asleep, Yeonjun is clingy with cosy nuzzles, and there’s always gentle arms embracing her and pulling their bodies flush against each other. 

So, it’s reasonable when Sooji automatically smiles. She’s thankful that she had the chance to sleep beside Yeonjun and waking up to see his face first thing in the morning despite of their debut season.

She takes time to absorb the features of his face, trying to memorize every details. Considering the busy schedules, she never knows when would be the next time they’d ever get this opportunity again.

Forehead creased while leaning close when she notices an eye scar between the ends of Yeonjun’s eyes and brow.

It’s fast when Yeonjun grips on her waist, pulling her closer before he kisses her lips.

“Well, if you don’t do it then I will.” he chuckles at his antics. 

Sooji quickly pushes herself off him and lays her back flatly on the bed, staring at the ceiling with cheeks flushed. “Morning breath, Yeonjun!”

“Oh sorry, didn’t think about it. Your lips was too sweet itself.” he pouts with fake innocence.

Yeonjun suddenly climbs on top of her to attack her with kisses. Sooji reddens harder, failing to cover her face as he pinned her wrists down on top of her head. 

“Good morning, lover,” He greeted, placing a trail of kisses from her lips to her chin and jawline down until her neck. “You woke up late. I assume you had a good night sleep.”

“You were awake first?” Sooji asked shockingly. Suddenly, she pictured herself of how she looked like during sleep. She scrunched her nose in disgust.

“Of course.” He answered smugly, pinching the bridge of Sooji’s nose. “I watched you sleeping for almost an hour.”

“Creep!” Sooji accused while hitting his shoulder, knuckles closed.

“Said the one who was leaning in while I was pretending to sleep?” Yeonjun teased before sucking the back of her ear. She whined quietly. “Sorry, angel. You’re irresistible.”

He pressed his figure against her without applying too much pressure, just simply cuddling her. The door slammed open revealing a wide-eyed Ryujin.

“What is going on here?” Ryujin accused with exaggeration.

With her strength, she pushed Yeonjun off her to put him back on his previous place. He complained in frustration.

“I was cuddling with my girlfriend but thanks, Ry.” Yeonjun sassed in sarcasm.

“You whipped man. Do you want me to tell her that I caught you staring at her like a highschool student pining for his crush?” Ryujin retorted with playful disrespect.

“I’ve been pining for her bestfriend’s sister for years now. You aren’t wrong there.” He replied wittily. 

Again with the pining? Sooji thought.

“I- What...”

He exchanged a gun handsign with Ryujin before laughing. Sooji was stuck there watching them transitioned from bickering to supporting each other’s statement. 

“Anyway, I came to say I’ll go now. I have to meet up with her family for lunch. The girls aren’t coming back early either.” Ryujin informed before getting a mask in their table. “I’ll see you later, Ji-ah”

Sooji nodded. “Take care!”

“Yeonjun-sshi, take care of Sooji. Understood?” Ryujin gave an authoritative order.

Yeonjun’s hand flew on his eyebrows, imitating a salute. Ryujin chuckled before bowing and showing herself out.

“She’s snarky.” Yeonjun commented, going back to cuddling her. 

Sooji wrapped her arms around his body, being the big spoon even though she was at the bottom. “That she is.” 

“Why is she speaking informal with you?” Yeonjun asked with pure curiosity.

“I told her to. She’s my bestfriend and my buddy. Therefore, she’s exempted.” Sooji answered, covering her mouth as she yawned.

“Do you want to sleep more?” He asked, untangling himself on her as he sat up.

“No.” Sooji shook her head in disapproval. “What time are you going back?”

“I’m free the whole day.” Yeonjun answered happily, shaking his head joyfully. “Unless you want me gone?”

Sooji looked over the bag that he carried with when he got here. “Are we going somewhere?”

“Depends on you if you’re up for it.” He said, shrugging his shoulders.

“Let’s just stay in and order.” Sooji implied, considering the laziness taking over her.

He bounced his head horizontally. “I’ll cook instead. It’s unhealthy to get used to delivery.” 

Sooji arched her right brow. “Weren’t you the one eating ramen literally every night.”

“I’d marry them.” Yeonjun replied nonetheless, not even offended by the statement.

“At this point, aren’t you already?” Sooji remarked, getting up from the bed.

“Aw!” He playfully wailed with teasing look. “My lover is jealous.”

Sooji rolled her eyes and decided not to bite back, resulting to Yeonjun laughing while putting his hands on his stomach.

“What’s the plan?” Sooji asked, standing by the bed with her hands placed on her hips.

Yeonjun sat up before leaning in her body, making his head comfortably pressed on her stomach with his arms circled around her legs as he trapped her.

“Let’s buy some ingredients first then let’s binge-watch anything?” He suggested, tickling her stomach as he muttered the words under his breath.

Sooji raised her right hand to card it through his hair before nodding. “Sounds good. I’ll just take a shower.”

“Can’t we just shower together?” Yeonjun asked, turning his head upward to look at her with fake-innocence.

Instinctively, she hit his shoulder. “Yah, Choi Yeonjun!”

“That’s hot...” He commented further with the same expression. Sooji pushed him off her body before walking away to get her shower necessities. “I’m kidding!”

After they showered, separately, they made sure they wore clothes that no one will notice us since it’s broad day light. 

“I think everyone will still notice you.” Yeonjun said as they climbed inside the empty elevator.

“Why?” Sooji asked, fixing her mask and white cap.

Yeonjun chuckled, draping his hand on her waist. He knew she didn’t like it when people put weight on her shoulders. “Were you not aware that your fashion sense is clearly unique that netizens claimed it to be your print?” 

“You’re kidding?” Sooji scoffed, getting out of the elevator.

They went out of the building to go to the nearby grocery store. They opted walking instead of riding a car since the weather was good, not cold nor hot.

He intertwined their fingers as they moved from side-to-side. “They said you owned the dark colors and oversized outfits so...”

“It’s because I’m comfortable with her clothes!” Sooji groaned while shaking her head. Great, her hair getting messy with her hat on. “Now, I’m insecure.”

Using his free hand, he tucked her loose hair behind her ear like it was his habit already.

“You don’t have to totally change yourself for them, baby. If it makes you comfortable then go. Plus, no one is asking for you to change it. They like it the refreshing fashion, anyway.” He consoled, opening the store’s door for her when they were in front of it.

“Really?” Sooji asked in small voice.

“As the fashionista in this relationship, I highly like with your taste.” 

Sooji choked, overreacting. “Fashionista- Excuse me?” 

“What? I didn’t lie!” Yeonjun defended with innocent eyes.

Sooji rolled her eyes while getting a cart. “You have to stop applying your it boy agenda on me, Choi Yeonjun.”

“That’s just facts, baby.” He said with smug expression, giving her a boasting smile before winking.

Yeonjun pushed the cart after stealing it from her, causing it to fall under his control.

“Shut up,” Sooji laughed, dismissing him. “Are you sure you’re going to cook? I can cook, you know.”

“I’m surprised you know how to cook when Soobin just...” He trailed, looking over the cans.

“Just what?” Her brows furrowed as she watched him looking so focused.

“Just can’t.” He deadpanned.

Sooji giggled hard, shaking her head in disbelief. “You’re so—” 

“For the second time, I didn’t lie!” Yeonjun argued, getting a pack of spices.

“What are you cooking?” Sooji asked, getting her attention away from Yeonjun while she scooped her phone from her pocket.

“A— Yah! Why are you using your phone?” Yeonjun asked with high-pitched tone.

“Dude, chill. I’m checking for any important notification.” Sooji said with mocking tone, brow lifted.

“Did you just call me—” Yeonjun dramatically sassed while tucking his imaginary hair behind his ear. “I’m breaking up.”

Sooji rolled her eyes with incredulity. “Whatever, Junie. What are you going to cook? Let’s hurry up, these people might notice us.”

“Just say you want me all to yourself and go.” He scoffed teasingly.

“God, why is he my boyfriend?”

“That’s a foul, angel.” He stated while laughing. “I’m cooking Aglio e Olio.”

“You cooked it before?” Sooji asked, nodding at his suggestion.

“No.”

“I—” Sooji mumbled, astonished at his confidence.

“I need an assistant.” He commanded dominantly, as if he knew what he was going to do. “Let’s go to the noodles station.”

When they got to the aisle where noodles were placed, he immediately put the first spaghetti pasta he saw on the cart.

“Yeonjunie,” Sooji chuckled lightly as she went to put the pasta back. “You should look for good qualities.”

“But that’s the most expensive one?” Yeonjun asked confusingly.

“Doesn’t mean it’s high quality.” Sooji stated, getting the pack that she remembered Sooyoung would always prefer.

“How do I know what it looks like?” He further asked.

“You’ll know when you see it.” She answered vaguely, winking at him before walking forward.

He stood up in the middle of the aisle with mouth opened, processing what she had said.

After getting the ingredients and some snacks, that he insisted so much, they went to the cashier. Sooji saw him getting his wallet.

“Yah! Yah! Yah, Choi-” Sooji threatened before realizing she’s speaking loud. 

Yeonjun’s face crumpled, confused by her sudden burst. “I’ll pay for this...”

“Let’s split the bill!”

“I got it.”

“Let’s split the bill or I’m not talking to you.”

“Did I tell you I sometimes despise that pretty little brain of yours?” Yeonjun agreed in irritation, defeated.

Sooji smiled, only showing her crescent-eyes because of the mask. They paid for the groceries and began to walk towards the exit. Yeonjun was holding four plastic bags as they walked back. One bag for the ingredients and another three for the snacks. He was holding two per hand.

She reached out to help him but he switched the groceries in one hand to intertwine it with hers.

“I was reaching out for the bags!” Sooji pointed out in a low voice.

“It’s fine. Besides, we’re near and I get to hold your hand.” He hummed happily, shaking his head enthusiastically while small dancing. 

Sooji smiled sheepishly. 

Choi Yeonjun really dances anywhere he feels like it.

“How should I assist you?” Sooji pondered as soon as they got back to the dorm.

“Sit pretty.” Yeonjun answered in monotone while he was busy putting out the ingredients.

“Yeonjun-ah...” Sooji warned.

He sighed in disappointment and stopped doing what he was doing, and he pouted. “I want to do everything but you’re being you.” 

“This is not a one-way thing.” Sooji retorted.

She went beside him help him organize the groceries. Yeonjun nodded as they continued what they were doing. He played a chill beat playlist to minimize the dead air since they were too busy to think of a topic to talk about.

“You’re playing non-hiphop songs... That’s new.” Sooji commented as she settled all the snacks in one bag.

He let out an offended cough as he put the oil in the cooking pan. “If I play that now, bet we’ll be bickering non-stop.”

“It’s nice of you to know me already, Yeonjunie.” Sooji laughed.

“Everyday, I’ll learn more about you.” He bragged as he winked towards her direction. “Lover, could you move the kimchi to the plate... Please?”

Sooji nodded and obeyed what she was told to, humming quietly to the song that Yeonjun played. “When we both know that deep down, the feeling still deep down is good~”

Contradicting to what Sooji was doing, Yeonjun was singing the song passionately. “If I could see through walls, I could see you’re faking~”

He put down the pasta to boil on the stove before going to her place. Sweetly, he hugged Sooji from behind as she poured the kimchi on.

“If you could see my thoughts, you would see our faces~” Yeonjun sang on to her ear. It was so gentle that she felt like it crawled towards her heart.

Yeonjun placed a kiss on her cheeks before releasing his arms to get back to cooking, giggling in the process like a lovesick teenager. Sooji could only smile, and washed her hands when she was done putting the kimchi on the plate. After, she excused herself from the kitchen to change into more comfortable clothes.

When she went back to her room, Sooji was thinking what should she wear appropriately since Yeonjun was with her, she felt conscious. Scanning mindlessly, Sooji suddenly saw the pink hoodie Yeonjun used last night that he threw off when he joined her on her bed. 

She decided to use it instead and changed into her lavender dolphin shorts, tying her hair the usual messy and let Yeonjun fix it later.

“Yeonjunie,” Sooji called as she went out of her room. 

“Yes, baby?” He asked before turning around from the table where the food was already set. His eyes widened at her appearance.

“Why do I look small in your clothing?” Sooji questioned sadly.

Yeonjun chuckled before urging her to walk towards him. “It’s because you are small. I don’t know how. You’re Soobin’s twin sister but your maknae... Yuna? Yeah, Yuna is taller than you.”

Sooji sent him a glare as she sat up on the chair beside him. “It’s called Science, you assbutt.”

Yeonjun threw his head back so hard as he laughed at what she had just said. “Assbutt-”

“Shut up...” Sooji warned in embarrassment while hiding her face behind her hands.

“Oh, my lover...” He breathes heavily as he tried to calm himself down.

“Thank you for the food!” Sooji bowed politely while he poured food on her plate. 

He observed her with anticipating nervous eyes as Sooji had her first bite of the Aglio e Olio he cooked. 

“Hmm...” Sooji trailed as she chewed the pasta satisfyingly. “It’s really good!”

He looked at her with a broken grin, nerves a bit relaxing. “Really?”

“It is!” Sooji said while getting another fork of the pasta. “You cooked great, Junie~”

Sooji laughed as she watch him miserably failing to hide his smile. One thing she had noticed about Yeonjun was that he liked getting compliments but when he actually got one, he would turn into a shy mess. 

They talked about random things, mainly about Soobin and his well-being, as they went through the food. Sooji volunteered to wash the dishes after.

“Let me wash the dishes, Yeonjun-ah. I’m gonna ignore you if you keep doing all the work.” Sooji chastised while fixing the plates to put it on the sink. She began washing it.

“Fine.” He muttered with a childish tone.

Yeonjun went behind her back and tucked his chin on her neck as she busied herself with the dishes, his arms loosely snaked around her waist. Her heart fluttered happily because of the gesture.

“What is up with you today?” Sooji chuckled, questioning.

Yeonjun sighed as he relaxed himself. “We won’t know when we’ll get busy again.” 

Sooji nodded lightly without saying anything. Comfortable silence enveloped the room as she finished washing the dishes. Silently, they set up her bed for binge-watching. 

“What do you wanna watch?” Sooji asked as she scrolled through Netflix using her laptop.

He was choosing snacks that they bought, only deciding not to buy chips because the crumbs are messy. “Let’s watch Harry Potter.”

“We wouldn’t be able to finish this in one day.” Sooji reminded him. He raised two popcorn bags with different flavors, asking her what to get. “Caramel.”

Yeonjun shrugged his shoulders. “No, it’s okay. I wanna know why it’s your favorite.” 

Sooji nodded and opted to pick Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s stone and played it. Yeonjun scooted beside her after, placing a bowl of almond M&Ms and the popcorn bag. Her liter of water and his strawberry milk on top of her bedside table.

They exchanged words as the movie kept going on. He was giving her his opinion and she was giving hers too. Sooji could tell he was in deep with the movie at how he was intently watching it.

“This is the most interesting by far.” Yeonjun commented after they watched the third movie.

“I beg your pardon but the next movie is my top tier.” Sooji argued. He looked at her like he was processing the information. “Let’s watch it next time. I’m sleepy.” 

“You sure? If you’re thinking I’m getting bored, I’m really not.” Yeonjun assured her, shifting her head to his chest after he placed her laptop on the bedside table. The bowls were also discarded by the end of the second movie.

“It doesn’t look like it.” Sooji mocked, booping Yeonjun’s nose with her forefinger. “Want to talk more or stay like this before you go.”

He nodded, getting his phone to check the time. It was a quarter to 4. “We got plenty of time.” 

They played a bit with his camera to take selfies as a visual reminder of this day. Then, he busied himself with playing with her hair. Sooji settled on closing her eyes to enjoy the feeling.

“Yeonjun-ah...” She called, not moving.

“Yes, baby?” He asked as he switched his hand to caress her bracelet.

“I’m bad at this... relationship thing.” Sooji confessed faintly.

“Trust me, you’re not. You’ve been nothing but the best. What are you saying?” Yeonjun remarked softly.

“I overthink a lot, Yeonjun-ah. And I’m always like this... so pessimistic. Aren’t you tired of me yet?” 

Sooji didn’t know why she was opening up to him like this. This wasn’t like her at all. Maybe it’s the hormones talking or maybe he’s helping her to change for the better.

“I’m with you. No matter what else you have in your head, I’m always with you.” He said, placing a kiss on top of her hand. “Stay with me, it’s all I ask.”

“I don’t think I have anywhere else to go.” Sooji scoffed enthusiastically.

“And just trust me, okay? Trust me, Jiji. In this industry, it’s our only foundation.” Yeonjun mumbled with strong feelings underneath.

Or maybe Sooji really had it bad.

“I love you.” He added.

Chapter Text

Yeonjun called her in the middle of the day. He was frantically flooding her with messages just calling her pet names but with no context. Good thing, they had their lunch break at the moment. Sooji was just hanging out around Hyunjin in their lounge. 

“Lover! My angel! Baby! The love of my life!” 

Yeonjun screamed through the phone. Sooji excused herself from Hyunjin and he nodded to give her privacy. 

“Breathe, Yeonjunie.” Sooji replied, shifting her weight to avoid Hyunjin’s gaze.

“Are you free now?”

“I still have an hour...” Sooji trailed, looking at the wall clock. “Maximum.”

“I’m outside of your building. Can you get out for a minute?” 

Indeed, her first reaction was shocked. Then questions came flooding in her head. Why is he here? Why is his voice like that? Did something bad happened? This has to be serious.

“Baby?”

Sooji blinked hardly to bring herself back from her worries. “Give me a minute.” 

Sooji didn’t drop the call just in case he was going to say something. Hyunjin looked at her with his left brow raised, questioning her sudden change of expression.

“Something happened?” Hyunjin whispered, looking a bit worried too.

Sooji shrugged her shoulders in the same confusion as Hyunjin was potraying. “I don’t know too. He’s outside.”

Hyunjin’s lips automatically rounded at the information. He gestured her to get out of the room now and go to Yeonjun.

“Where are you?” Sooji asked when she got outside of the company building.

“Same spot, lover. I see you now.”

Her eyes furrowed. To be honest, Sooji didn’t really know what’s the same spot. However, she saw his tinted white Audi R8 that was shining beside other vehicles in the parking lot. She walked towards it, getting anxious about the public media now. It’s always been like that for her since then. Whenever she stepped outside, she’d get paranoid that someone was watching her. That one suspicious move, she’d be the headlines for tomorrow.

The car was a gift given from his parents when he debuted. Perks of being the only child. Though, he sold his old car and gave the payment he received to his parents. Stubborn like him, they refused. And Yeonjun being Yeonjun, persuaded them until they gave up. 

No, they didn’t. They wired the money back to Yeonjun, not minute after. He whined about it for so long every time he would call Sooji.

“Yeonjun, why are you here?” Sooji asked as she stepped inside his car, dropping the phone call as soon as she did.

Sooji looked over his appearance. He was wearing a bomber jacket with white shirt underneath that was tucked into denim pants. 

Her eyebrow furrowed when she looked at his lips. “Why are your lips red?”

“Oh, I forgot about that. Just got out of taping and I flew here the soon as I did. I have something to say.” Yeonjun rambled, he was speaking fast that Sooji could barely understand even if she was a rapper herself.

She raised her hand to put it on top of his chest, calming him down. “Talk when you’re ready?”

“Lover, I’m going to America!” Yeonjun exclaimed with so much happiness in his face. “We’re having their first showcase there!”

Her eyes shot up in surprise. “Oh my god! Really? I’m so proud of you!”

Sooji quickly hugged him as she muttered words of encouragement. Ironically, she was the one rambling now.

“We had their surprise film earlier. I was feeling out of it at first. I thought it was gonna be a dance practice but they put make up on us before going somewhere.” He spoke, his eyes sparkling at every words.

Yeonjun took the wet wipes out of his glove compartment. One could call Yeonjun a boy scout. He was so ready for anything, especially when it comes to cleanliness.

Sooji leaned closer to him to carefully wipe out the tint on his lips. It was almost ineffective since she was just using a wet wipe. 

“That’s so exciting! God, Yeonjunie. Congratulations!” 

“I’m thrilled too but I’m freaking nervous now that it’s coming to me...” He muttered with a hint of anxiousness.

Sooji stopped wiping off the stain on his lips but she didn’t back away. She pinched his mochi cheeks. “It’s normal... You’re still going to do great during those times.”

“Fuck, I don’t know. We’re far away from each other. How am I gonna survive the timezone?” He groaned, closing his eyes dramatically.

Sooji giggled at his reaction. “Stop it. You know we’re stronger than that.” 

His eyes opened in surprise. “Did I hear you- Why are you optimistic?”

Sooji rolled her eyes. “Do you want me to think of negative things, then?”

“No, uhm...” Yeonjun trailed but he didn’t continue.

“If we can’t squish the night calls, then we won’t have too. It’s okay. We’re both going to be tired anyways.” Sooji stated, pondering more about the situation they would be getting into.

He pulled her hand to intertwine it with his. “Send each other updates when we can. I don’t care if you text her short or long. Or reply late. As long as you reply, okay?”

“How long will you be gone?” Sooji asked after agreeing to his request, absent-mindedly caressing his eyebrows.

He pouted adorably. “Showcase is two weeks but we were invited to perform in iHeart Radio.” 

Sooji leaned back with disbelief in her face, she unlinked their hands so she could cover her face. “Wango Tango? You’re joking me, right?”

“I’m not. Your boyfriend is going to be there.” Yeonjun scoffed, voice a bit impassive to show enough sulking.

“He is! 5 seconds of summer will be performing too. They just announced it!” Sooji yelled and punching her fists to the air, getting out of her excitement.

“I knew you’d say that...” He accused, pouting more now.

And yes, he knew about her music preferences. 5 seconds of summer might not have a chill discography but Sooji liked them, biasing on the lead singer.

Sooji laughed and pinched his lips. “Ah, Yeonjunie is jealous again?” 

“It’s not funny.”

“You know I have one boyfriend and that is you, you giant baby.” Sooji tried to tease.

But she think she failed.

Yeonjun’s body tensed positively. “You called me-”

“Shut up, I was teasing you.”

“You said baby.”

“I said Giant Baby.” Sooji corrected him but he was still in rainbow land. “You were supposed to be against it.”

“Why would I be? You called me baby.” 

“I said-”

“Baby.”

“Yeonjun-”

“Baby.”

Sooji flicked her tongue in defeat. He’d never gonna let go of this one.

“Come on, Yeonjun. You have to go now.” Sooji sighed for the ninth time of the morning. 

Yeonjun’s flight was being announced but he still couldn’t get her out of his grip. The guys were busy saying good bye to their own families. She’d already talked with Soobin when they squished their time to sleep at home and bond with Sooyoung, who was incredibly proud of her son. Yeonjun’s parents weren’t here because they had to work but he also came home yesterday to visit them before going to the other side of the world.

“Hyung.” Taehyun called from afar. It looked like his parents already let him go, seeing he was standing beside Soobin who was busy on his phone. 

They literally had to hide from everyone else including their manager and staffs. Yeonjun only excused himself for a restroom break to meet up with her. It was hard for her to go inside the airport too since there were fans waiting for them. Even though she was Soobin’s sister, it was hard to risk. In stan twitter, fans have been waiting for her too if she was going to the airport with them, saying they would get a Jijunie crumbs.

“Junie, I have to go too. Practice starts in two hours.” Sooji reminded him sadly.

He pouted in distress, pushing away the hair that was covering her face. “Take extra care of yourself, okay?”

“Please, don’t tire yourself. I’ll be cheering you from here, I promise.” Sooji smiled, pulling him into a wide hug. 

“It’s just three weeks, baby. I’ll come home to you soon.” Yeonjun consoled, kissing her on top of her head. “Take care of the car too, lover. I don’t know what I’ll do if something happens to that pretty thing.”

Sooji chuckled lightly at his attempt of lightening up the mood. He actually picked her and Soobin up from their house using his car so they could go together, leaving the keys to Sooji before sneaking out to go the rest of the boys where the fans and media would meet them. 

Aside from Soobin’s snores from the backseat, the rest of the drive was unusually quiet but it was relaxing when he placed his right free hand on her thigh the entire time. It was a non-verbal way of saying it will be fine.

“YJ, let’s go.” Beomgyu called, he was standing behind her. “Noona, stay safe on your way back. I’ll watch over hyungie for you. Don’t worry.”

Sooji nodded, letting go of Yeonjun. He picked up his luggage before looking at her as if he was memorizing her face. Sooji smiled to let him know that she was okay. He nodded mindlessly and pecked a kiss on her lips, earning a disgusted groan from Beomgyu. 

Yeonjun dismissed the distasteful reaction of Beomgyu and let himself place another kiss on her forehead. Sooji felt Yeonjun’s breathing, like he was calming himself down using the gesture. 

They turned their back on her and before she knew it, they were gone. On her way back, they were messily flooding the group chat about how excited they were and Ryujin panicking because Sooji was still driving, and their practice was going to start in less than an hour. Yeonjun scolded them for getting her attention, stressing the fact that Sooji was still driving.

When Sooji arrived to their building, she went out of the car immediately. Completely forgetting to wear her mask because of hustling to go inside, but she was still wearing a buckethat so it was fine. She noticed some press that took picture of her while she was walking towards the building. Sooji bowed still even when she felt uncomfortable from the flashes.

“About damn time!” Ryujin yelled as soon as she got inside, panting from running late.

“She’s technically not late.” Chaeryeong assured, stretching herself as she laid down on the floor.

Sooji looked at her phone to see the clock was two minutes before eight. She breathed heavily at the relief. Her eyes scanned the room to see it was just the five of them. They were called for a morning practice with the choreographers because they would have to perform at KCON Japan in a few weeks and two songs on KBS next month. Sooji blinked in confusion when she saw none of them were here to observe them.

“Dabin-sunbae and the others were called for an emergency meeting. You’re truly a daughter of heaven, Ji-sshi.” Lia joked out at her luck.

“Ji, warm up now before they come back. We won’t be taking any breaks until before lunch.” Yeji reminded before going through her playlist.

They were friends, alright. But Yeji was different when it came to practice. Unlike Sooji, she focused solely on bettering herself first before applying it to the team. Yeji, as a leader, she had to weigh in her priorities. She was stricter than any of them but they were thankful for it. 

As she put down her things, she caught sight Yeonjun’s texts.

YEONJUN

(sent a photo)

yeonttomeok (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و 

When Sooji opened his messaged, she saw a ton of food placed on his board. Different variety like Beef Stew, Seafood, Tofu with spicy sauce (Sooji assumed since he was Yeonjun), Bread, Cake, and Salad. 

ME

did you not eat before leaving??

thats a lot

YEONJUN

bg was sleeping 

they gave me his food 

theres also ramyeon!!!!!!!

yeonjunie has ramyeon!!!!!

ME

jun-ah, wont your tummy hurt...

YEONJUN

my heart hurts

ME

what happened?

does your manager know?

YEONJUN

im miles away from u :’(

ME

come back here so i can kick you

brb gotta practice

YEONJUN

just say u miss me

go get em my it girl

<3 yeonjunie

Sooji smiled before tossing her phone away. Focusing on the practice now. Ryunjin, as usual, helped her stretch since she was lazy enough to do it. Yeji blasted Twice’s discography. Sooji chuckled, remembering that it was her favorite girl group. Lia, Yuna, and Yeji were currently dancing to FANCY while laughing at their actions. Chaeryeong was busy doing a cobra stretch while looking at her phone.

“Ji-eonnie,” Chaeryeong called, tilting her head towards her direction.

“Why?” Sooji asked while getting off gently from Ryujin. 

“You and Yeonjun-oppa are being talked about again...” She informed slowly, looking at her and her phone, back and forth. 

“There’s no day that your shippers will let you rest, huh?” Ryujin playfully commented, getting Chaeryeong’s phone.

“They said you were using Yeonjun-oppa’s personal car?” Chaeryeong asked unsurely.

Sooji breath hitched at the allegation. She turned her head to Chaeryeong’s phone that Ryujin was holding. 

WEAREIDOLS

BREAKING: ITZY’s SUJI, 19 year old, was seen driving herself on her way work with AUDI R8. The newly debuted gg member is a chaebol?!

(SEE PHOTOS HERE)

@jjuniegyu

ISNT THAT YEONJUN’S CAR?!

@sooblueorg

SOMEONE FIND THE PLATE NUMBER!!!

@choisiblings

wtf ppl can buy same things u deranged

@dallaji

PAUSE THE MF MUSIC .. if she just got there now theres a possibility she went to the airport too!!!!!

@tyunreal

@dallaji We didn’t see her. Now stream CROWN

@ityeonji

MATCHING CAR... 4TH GEN POWER COUPLE

@winkyeonji

@ityeonji I THOUGHT WE WERE KIDDING

@hwangsooji

hyunji superior ;)

“My head hurts.” Sooji mumbled, giving the phone back to Chaeryeong.

“If they get the plate cards, you’re both dead.” Ryujin muttered, both of them looking worried at her.

“Seems like the ones who took the pictures have limited angles. It’s okay, eonnie.” Chaeryeong cheered up, showing a thumbs up.

The door swung open revealing the choreographers. Bae Dabin had a smile on her face, looking like she was in good mood. Sooji got nervous when they all gathered up on one side. Without a second, Jin Young came along. The members and Sooji didn’t waste a heartbeat to stand in their feet.

“Good morning.” He greeted cooly, his posture giving the same intimidating aura.

“Good morning, JYP PD-nim!”

They all greeted as they bowed respectfully. He gestured them to loosen up. Sooji’s hands were placed in front of her body, crossing together. She took advantage of it to subtly hold the pendant without anyone seeing.

“How are you girls holding up?” Jinyoung asked, standing in front of them.

Yeji tilted her head, but not too upwards, just the right angle to show that she was attentive. “We’re okay. Thank you for asking.”

“You’ve bagged awards these past few months, that’s good.” Jinyoung stated while nodding in satisfaction. “Bae-sshi, have you been practicing them for Japan?”

Bae Dabin stepped forward to answer. “Yes, PD-nim. I’ve also told them about their performance in KBS next month.” 

“Fantastic. I don’t want any of you making a mistake during the day. Many groups will be there and media will most likely be preying on you.” He proclaimed, crossing his hands over his chest. “If any of you misses a step or a line, even a little detail, I will postpone your comeback on August. Understood?”

“Understood!”

“That’s all. We’ll further discuss about your comeback after the performance.” Jinyoung said before excusing himself. They bowed as he walked away.

The girls’ eyes widen when Sooji looked at them through the mirror, clearly overwhelmed at the announcement. 

“Girls!” Bae Dabin called with an excited tone.

“And then when he joked out, Pd-nim suddenly appeared behind him!” Hyunjin bursted out laughing, his arms crossed across his stomach to stop it from aching. 

It was their another usual night when they would go back to the dorm at the same time. Sooji just got back from New York to attend Louis Vuitton fashion show with the girls for promotion purposes. Even though Yeonjun and Sooji were at the same city, they couldn’t see each other because of their hectic schedule and strict security. They couldn’t even talk properly because their schedule was colliding. If Sooji was free, Yeonjun wasn’t. And vice versa.

Hyunjin and Sooji didn’t have busy schedules for the week, but practicing, so they maximized it on extra lessons. The producer, Galactika, was actually used to Hyunjin and Sooji staying at his studio. He gave tips when it came to recording their vocals too. It was fun to work with them.

“No way! What did he say?” Sooji asked in pity, she assumed Changbin was scolded basing on Hyunjin’s story. 

He groaned. “They all got punished because of him. He was being so playful the whole day, JYP Pd-Jim made him dance to MIROH for an hour while we stood up in front of him to watch.”

“You all got punished?” Sooji gasped but then chuckling as she waited for the green lights to turn red.

“Yeah, it’s nothing new. Don’t you girls experience the same?” He asked, nudging her when they were free to cross.

“It’s the same, I guess. Except when someone makes a mistake, we all do it over and over again.” Sooji answered, walking a bit consciously when she felt someone was staring. 

Hyunjin desperately pulled her wrist while they were walking. “Holy shit, camera! Pull up your mask!” 

Quickly, she wore her mask while walking fast. Hyunjin raised his free hand to hide his face. They didn’t know they would get ambushed during times like this. They were doing this for awhile yet they haven’t been into the situation they’re in now. 

Sooji felt tracks following them, he did too. They looked at each other before running frantically towards their dorm building. When they got inside the elevator, he released his grip on her. Hyunjin’s eyes falling to her figure with worry. She realized she wasn’t breathing properly. 

“Fuck! Okay... okay, Ji, calm down...” Hyunjin said, trying to ease her breathing. 

Sooji did her best to hold it up but Hyunjin shook his head. “Don’t hide it, Ji. Come on, it’s just me.”

She didn’t even realize that they were in front of her dorm until she saw Ryujin’s figure, her eyes landing on Sooji with worries the same as Hyunjin. 

“What the fuck happened to her!” Ryujin yelled when she saw her distressed state. 

She helped Hyunjin to place Sooji on the couch. The other girls went out of their rooms with sleepy faces on but as soon as they saw her, they switched into high alert. Ryujin excused herself out of the commotion.

“Hyunjin, what the—”

Hyunjin looked up to Yeji after he safely placed her on the sofa. “We were walking back when the paparazzi saw us and took a photo.”

“Seoul speaks! Why weren’t you keeping safe!” Yeji scolded, obviously thinking of what the outcome would be in the morning. “Yuna, get her water please.”

Yuna went out of sight. Ryujin came back with her inhaler. Sooji quickly accepted it with dizzy vision.

“Shit, I remember you can’t do this alone.” Ryujin muttered under her breath before looking back at her. “Do you want me to call your brother... or Yeonjun-oppa?”

Sooji shook her head desperately.  ”D-Don’t... I can do it.”

Sooji tried to focus on the inhaler and did her routine but the external conversation was clouding her mind too. 

“Do you think they got a picture of your faces?” Lia asked in fear, trying to use her hand to fan Sooji.

“To be honest, I think so. We weren’t using their masks.” Hyunjin answered, rubbing his face in exhaustion.

“The hell were you thinking?” Yeji asked in annoyance.

“I’m sorry. I’ll take full responsibility.” He apologized, his hands clasping behind his neck. 

Sooji stood up after feeling less anxious. “It’s fine, Hyunjin. Go to your dorm... I’m going to get some rest. I’m sorry, everyone. Please, don’t tell about this to anyone.”

Yeonjun. She was pertaining not to tell Yeonjun.

They nodded and gave words of assurance. Sooji bowed to them before going inside her room. She slumped on her bed tiredly. Her phone rang in her pocket. Sooji contemplated if she should answer it but when she saw Yeonjun’s face, she didn’t hesitate anymore. 

“Morning, lover— oop were you sleeping?”

“No, it’s fine. I just got back.” Sooji couldn’t help but release a monotone.

“Did you tire yourself again?”

“I didn’t. I only had extra rap lessons aside from the practice. Will you stop worrying?” Her sentence came out wrong.

Sooji tried. Sooji tried so hard suppress her emotions but talking to someone was triggering her. She thought Yeonjun could help her but he’s one of them.

“Jiji, hey.. Baby, is everything okay?” 

His demeanor shifted from being normal worried to being extra worried. Sooji could feel Yeonjun’s uneasiness through the call line.

“I don’t wanna talk about it, Yeonjun. Can we talk about something else?” 

Sooji heard a sigh that sounded like he was getting some patience. 

“Okay, baby. I told you they went to BTS-sunbaenims concert yesterday, right?”

“I can’t remember but tell me about it.” Sooji said, trying to sound enthusiastic. 

“Are you sure? Aren’t you going to sleep?”

“I’m not gonna ask if I was.” 

Sooji mentally slapped herself for failing to stop herself from conversing like this with Yeonjun. Knowing him, he probably sensed something was wrong. This was not her.

“Oh... okay.” 

Sooji changed into comfortable clothes while Yeonjun was telling about the filming they did before actually attending the concert. They had to complete five missions before getting their prizes. The last mission almost had Soobin crying because he thought they had to jumped on cold sea. Yeonjun also told her it was raining so much while it was filming, the staff had to give them medicine to assure their health. Sooji was silently listening rather than giving out comments.

“You there?”

“I changed clothes but I’m pulling my comforter now. Go on.”

“When we went to the venue, we were so nervous! We all thought Soobin was gonna shit on himself-”

Then she fell asleep.

It was early in the morning when Sooji was called to work. Yeji bursted inside their room to wake her up. 

“Should I wake Ryujin now?” Sooji asked, stretching a bit from sleep.

“No.” Yeji answered, looking away from her gaze. “JYP Pd-nim said it’s rest day for us but you.”

Sooji breathed out her nervousness before placing a smile on her face. She absolutely can’t breakdown. “Okay. Thanks, Yeye.”

Yeji walked in front of her to rub her arms as a sign of comfort. Sooji smiled widely at the gesture. She did the same before walking out of the room. Hayi informed her that there’s a car service that was already on the basement floor since there were people who were waiting in front of their building.

This can’t be serious, right? She thought.

WEAREIDOL

STRAY KIDS’ HYUNJIN and ITZY’s SUJI were seen walking together at midnight. Labelmates reportedly dating?

(READ MORE)

@hyunjingalaxy

MY BABY IS NOT SINGLE ANYMORE?:?:!/$

@staychan

LABELMATES- I CHOKEDNIS THIS EVEN ALLOWED YOUR HONOR

@jijuniesroyalty

they were only seen walking pls calm dOWN

@hwngsuji

@jijuniesroyalty stop being jealous :(

@itgirljiji

GET YOUR MANS AWAY FROM OUR GIRL 

@yeonbingaze

LMAO yeonji sank just like that 

@yeonjicentral

@yeonbingaze LMAO yours didnt even sail

@yeonbingaze

@yeonjicentral who said i was a shipper

“It’s serious.” Sooji thought again in her head after she read the headline.

Manager Hayi was with her inside the car, massaging her face as she scolded Sooji.

“Why were you with him?”

“We both came back from recording.” Sooji answered in low volume.

“Recording? You aren’t supposed to be recording anything by now!” Hayi pointed out with rage.

“It was for extra lessons...” Sooji tried to defend without looking at her way.

The manager released a loud huff in disbelief. “Are you dating Hyunjin?”

Her eyes widen at the accusation. “We’re friends!”

Hayi didn’t comment but it was clear that she didn’t believe any of her word. Her face plastered a distasted expression. Was she disgusted of Sooji?

When the car stopped in front of JYP Entertainment, it was surprisingly not crowded. Sooji guessed that security already handled it beforehand, seeing the other group of people were waiting back in their dorm. She was nervous when they had to walk inside a conference room. Sooji saw Hyunjin with his own manager, who was scrolling through his phone mindlessly. Both of them looked up when they stepped inside the room. They bowed to each other before taking a sit across. 

“Sajangnim will be here in a moment.” Jinyoung’s secretary, Sooji assumed, informed. 

Her phone beeped from her pocket. 

HYUNJIN

are u feeling well?

ME

peach

HYUNJIN

lucky shit

im nervous af

Sooji decided not to reply. Fortunately, she didn’t because the door opened after Sooji read his text. Jinyoung stepped inside the room, the air shifted in more intimidating one. They bowed respectfully before he gestured them to sit.

“What have you done both.” 

Sooji gulped at his statement. It wasn’t a question but an accusation. 

“We were coming home from work—”

“I’m sorry. It will not happen again.” Sooji cut Hyunjin off, breathing hard to control her emotions.

Hyunjin looked at her as if she was insane enough to cut his explanation off. All heads turned to her direction. Sooji felt less of a person because of the stares. 

“Are you dating?” Jinyoung dropped the question, staring closely at their reaction.

“No.”

“We’re friends.”

“You should know that you are not allowed to date anyone in this industry until your respective group is five year old enough.” Jinyoung stated, crossing his arms.

Jinyoung looked at Sooji with unreadable expression before looking back at Hyunjin. “Hyunjin, you’ve been an idol for a year yet you don’t know how to stay safe off camera? Are you this amateur?”

“I’m sorry, sir.” Hyunjin apologized, his head was stuck on a bow position. He couldn’t look at the man in front of them.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have debuted you in the first place.” 

Her gaze automatically went to Hyunjin in worry. Instinctively, she was going to approach him but Manager Hayi knew her. She coughed lightly to get her back in reality. Sooji wanted to curse herself for being so careless.

“And you, Choi Sooji-ssi.” Jinyoung mentioned, turning his attention to her. “I am deeply disappointed. I expected a lot from you.”

Sooji winced mentally at the words she received. It felt like poison through her core. Sooji didn’t want this. Oh, god. Sooji didn’t want to hear those words ever.

She bowed in apology. “I’m sorry, I was not good enough. I promise to do better.”

“I am considering this a warning for the both of you. Spread this with your groups and no one shall be seen dating anyone until you pay back what the company has been giving you.”

Jinyoung leaned back from his posture. Sooji felt less intimidated by his action but she was still anxiously scratching her palms that she had been hiding under the hoodie she was wearing.

Jinyoung looked like he was in deep thought. But a few seconds later, he turned his attention back. “With benevolence, I will refrain from banning your friendship but it will stay as it is. Understood?”

Hyunjin sighed in relief but Sooji paid no emotion. 

“Understood!”

“Good thing, Seoul talks positively about this aside from the shippers. You kids... I don’t know why you have shippers. Dear, heavens!” Jinyoung commented with exaggeration.

The day continued peacefully by herself. Hyunjin was worried about her state but she pushed him off. He seemed to be distracted too that he decided to go back to the dorm. Sooji answered the people who texted her, saying she was okay and not to worry. Contradicting to it, her mind was in chaos. Her heart was aching with words that wouldn’t stop ringing in her head.

I am deeply disappointed. I expected a lot from you.

Sooji looked at herself in the mirror, panting while a random loud music was playing. She put the playlist on random to just dance to whatever songs that was going to play. She wanted to tire herself out.

Sooji exhaled loudly before finally letting herself drink some water. As she finished her bottle, she went to get her phone to switch playlist to even more hardcore one. When she opened it, she saw a text from Yeonjun.

YEONJUN

beautiful morning my lover

2nd showcase today so i wont be touching my phone until then take care of urself 

<3 yeonjunie

Sooji remembered that she fell asleep last night when he was talking about the concert. She couldn’t believe it only slipped in her mind now, and that she haven’t texted him the whole day and dinner time had already passed.

ME

hwaiting

Sooji wanted to text him more but he has a schedule and yeah... with all that’s been happening today, she felt guilty. Sooji didn’t know how would she face him nor talk to him.

Why was she feeling guilty, anyway? It’s not like she and Hyunjin were really messing around. Did Yeonjun know about the article already? But he sounded like inactive. She kept thinking. Nevertheless, he was going to know about it sooner. Sooji was just delaying the inevitable.

YEONJUN

@ orlando 

hey angel? wyd?

i miss you 

Sooji was delaying the inevitable, she really did. It was two days after the issue came out. Sooji was sure that Yeonjun heard about it since the boys were freaking out on her messages. They were sending her private messages instead of bombarding the group chat.

HUENINGKAI

he’s okay, dw about it noona

literally yeonttomeok everyday

ME

does he know?

HUENINGKAI

i think u should ask him instead

ME

hyuka

HUENINGKAI

hwaiting noona! hehe

Sooji heaved a sigh, thinking what to reply to Yeonjun. She had limited time since they were going back to shoot for MAC. She only used her break to check her messages.

ME

shooting 

ive to go

{i miss you too...}

{i miss you too...|}

{}

Sooji wanted to send that, but she was just afraid that if Yeonjun found out that they’re both free to talk, they would talk. Sooji didn’t have a courage in her to receive another disappointment. Not from Yeonjun too.

Another text from Yeonjun that caught her full attention. Sooji’s heart raced when she read it.

YEONJUN

soobin’s not in good condition 

fucking hell why does it have to happen now

Sooji excused herself to call Soobin, didn’t care about anyone or anything anymore.

“About time, sister—”

“What happened to you?” Sooji asked in worry. She was fidgeting her fingers to control her uneasy emotions.

“More like what happened to you?”

Reverse card.

“Shut it. Yeonjun texted me you’re not in good condition. What happened?”

“Hyung!”

Soobin whined. His voice sounded like it was away from the mic when he did.

“Soobin.” Sooji warned two things: to tell about his health and not to tell Yeonjun that he was talking to her.

“Is that Jiji? I thought she was in shooting?”

That familiar voice.

“My eye is just swelling bad. Focus on your shoot, you delinquent.”

Sooji wanted to protest at his retaliation but she was out of focus when she heard a small commotion going on the other side of the line.

“Can I talk to her?”

Oh, no.

“Do well on your performance. Good bye, Soobinie.” Sooji hung up quick when she heard the phone was being passed.

SOOBIN

??????????

ME

get well soon u careless human

i will tell eomma so she could scold u when u get back

who’s delinquent now :>

SOOBIN

collect ur bf im begging

hes been walking back n forth looking at his phone

ME

tell him im filming for mac

thx soobinie

bring hersheys when u get back here

SOOBIN

go off

Sooji breathed in exhaustion before going back to the girls. They were just inside a waiting room with the other staffs, waiting to be called. She slid back to her place beside Ryujin.

“I want to sleep.” Ryujin whispered, leaning on her shoulder.

The girls were worried about how Sooji was doing extra works again but she assured them that she knew her limits. They eventually understood and agreed with her decision half-heartedly. Hayi and Yeji basically pulled out a tag-team to put up a curfew, specifically for Sooji— for her to come home early.

“Last shoot and we’re going to Japan, Ry.” Sooji motivated her nonchalantly, putting her phone inside her bag.

Ryujin was the most excited one to go to Japan. They were set to perform on KCON and they were thrilled to do so. 

Ryujin coughed awkwardly. “Have you talked to your man?” 

“Just... casual.” 

“For what it is worth, he’ll understand. We may debuted ahead of them but he’s not blind about the world we’re into.” Ryujin patted Sooji’s knee before pulling herself back to sit properly when the Manager Hayi walked inside the room.

Ryujin’s advise echoed at the back of her head but she still seemed to doubt it. Days went by and she wasn’t still thinking straight. Yeonjun already updated her that they were in Atlanta. The issue died down, thankfully. Not to be a bad person but it was because of another scandal by another idol. Being in this industry wasn’t really easy.

When Sooji was a trainee, she imagined the hardwork would be worth it after she debut. But three months after, she was already feeling suffocated. It was her first issue spread by the media, and it was a dating rumor. The issues may have calmed down but their fans didn’t. Everytime she would go online to scroll through her name, she would see fans of TXT, STRAY KIDS, and ITZY were fighting. Sooji just hoped they would stop sooner. It was making her feel more guilt.

Fortunately for Sooji, she had not received large amount of hate. But she had been used like a toy being paired with either Yeonjun or Hyunjin. It was exhausting to think of. She wanted to be her own person. 

YEONJUN

bg’s injured.

Sooji’s eyes narrowed as she read his message. Yeonjun texted her earlier to rant about the stage, that he was worried about it, complaining to her that it was small enough for their choreography. Her eyes suddenly widened when she saw her reply didn’t sent. It was stuck on the drafts, waiting to be sent. It looked like she left him on read. 

ME

my message didnt send 

what happened to gyu? how is he feeling now?

YEONJUN

lol

hes not ok i need to be there for him n the others

gotta go, u do u 

Sooji’s eyes furrowed at his last message. 

u do u 

What does it mean? Is he mad? She pondered.

ME

what?

That was the last update she received from Yeonjun. Her ego carried her throughout the day. But she was still bothered. Sooji was extra silent the whole vocal practice that her instructor wasn’t used to seeing her being unenthusiastic. She was gradually obeying what was she’d been ordered to do without trying to put up a smile. She looked like a robot.

“You’re a little off today, Ji. Are you okay?” Manager Hayi asked during the last minute break for KCON.

“I’ll tune in again.” Sooji said in monotone, fixing her headphones.

“You’re lacking of emotions these past few days. Is this about the issue?” Hayi further asked.

“No. I’ll do better. I’m sorry.”

Soon, she got a text from her twin brother the next day.

SOOBIN

r u guys still on a fight or what

he threw me his phone saying he doesnt need it

ME

i

what?

SOOBIN

he said “put my phone away from me” and dipped

ME

how is he listening to music 

Sooji knew Yeonjun couldn’t live without listening to any music. He needed either to stream a song nor sing as his pre-performance ritual. Yeonjun cannot afford to discard his phone; his music playlist was in there.

SOOBIN

stealing beomgyu’s another earphone

wait

thats not the point here 

ME

idk he didnt reply to me

SOOBIN  

have u considered that MAYBE he was tired of adjusting for u

ME

im adjusting too wdym ???

SOOBIN  

sure

if adjusting for u means taking every chances of avoiding ur boyfriend then sure

ME  

u dont have to be rude

SOOBIN

someone has too

fix it. we have showcase going on he cant get distracted

Sooji’s nostrils released flames when their conversation ended. This was the first time Soobin was actually rude towards her. Was she stepping on the line? Was she delaying too much? 

Still, Sooji held on to her ego.

Chapter Text

Morning came. Sooji woke up because of her alarm. She was the one in charge for being the morning fairy so she did her job and woke the members up. It was hard to wake Ryujin since she stayed up on her phone, scrolling through her own social media accounts to check the fans’ reaction about their performance at KCON. Eventually, Ryujin listened when Sooji threatened Yeji to be incharged of her.

“Ah! Fashion~” Ryujin sing sang when she finally joined them to Yeji and Lia’s hotel room where they all agreed to gather up.

She was wearing black longsleeves turtleneck and denim pants, enhancing with a retro breton hat. For Sooji, she wore a gray-toned plaid trench coat with white cropped top underneath and low waist skinny jeans, added a simple black beret to fit the aesthetic. Sooji was kind of matching with Yeji who was sporting a beige trench coat with black fitted shirt underneath and leggings.

“Ew, why are they wearing dark shades!” Chaeryeong panicked while looking at their outfits, judging everything that she was seeing.

Sooji chuckled in satisfaction, scanning her eyes too. “This is cute.” It was her color aesthetic; of course, she would be contented.

Lia was wearing a knitted sweater and denim jeans, both black. Chaeryeong, on the other hand, was also wearing a black and white polka-dots blouse and leggings. Lastly, Yuna, who looked attractive and matured for her age, with a leather jacket and white band shirt partnered with high waisted washed jeans.

“This is so embarrassing. We’re going to look like we’re from a girl group.” Lia commented as she face-palmed herself.

“Are we not?” Yuna asked with sarcasm, cackling hard at the statement.

They stopped debating whether to change outfits when Yeji’s phone rang. She picked it up and they waited patiently, knowing that Manager Hayi was on the other line. Instinctively, Sooji checked her phone for notifications too.

Empty.

No text from Yeonjun at all. She shook her head, they were still busy. Eating her pride, she thought of leaving a text for Yeonjun who wasn’t still texting the whole day. But then, it made her more discouraged so she opted not to.

“Hayi-nim said they’re already waiting for us downstairs. Did you double-check everything you need? The flight is an hour before midnight.” Yeji said, rising from her phone call.

All of them did another check on their bags before muttering a yes to Yeji. They went out of the hotel to ride on their shuttle service. Sooji was silently listening to the girls’ conversations flying to different topics. Her silence didn’t bother the girls since she would still try to interact with them and pouring her comments. Sooji just had a hard time being the first one to speak up when it comes to conversing.

Fuck ego.

There she said it. Of course, receiving a call from Beomgyu in the middle of the day. They arrived at the Tokyo Tower, settling on a spot while waiting for the staffs who was still parking the car. Sooji was confused because it’s already late in Dallas. And Beomgyu... he was panicking on the line. Sooji’s mind was still slow in absorbing incoherent words from him.

“Gyu, calm down.” Sooji soothed, the girls were happily busy with taking pictures so she had to hide her state. 

“Hyungie is burning up!”

Her eyes immediately twitched. “What do you mean burning up— Does he have a fever?”

“He’s shaking so much, noona. I don’t know what to do!”

“Why did you call me first? I’m on the other side of the world!” Sooji nagged, massaging the bridge of her nose in distress. This was ridiculous, she couldn’t even do anything but to feel anxious.

“He’s your boyfriend. You should know him well!”

“You’ve literally been with him for years, Gyu,” Sooji clarified. She tried her best to calm herself down, knowing that scolding Yeonjun’s roommate won’t do anything good. She felt bad too. “Sorry, call your manager right now. I’m going to call Yeonjun’s line. Pick it up for me, okay?” 

“I will, noona.”

“Thanks, Beomie. I’m sorry for panicking.”

They did what they planned. Beomgyu placed Yeonjun’s phone in front of Yeonjun when he accepted her facetime request. Sooji saw Yeonjun’s ill state. He was paler than her and his shivering were evident even on the camera.

All the emotions she have been feeling for the past few weeks had been washed away. Yeonjun was sick in front of her, virtually, and Sooji couldn’t do anything but stand here and look at him.

“Hey, Junie.” Sooji greeted as gentle as she could. It was painful to look at Yeonjun’s sullen state: Eyes shaking, lips quivering, nose sniffing, and he was so pale. ”I told you to take care of yourself, didn’t I?”

“You did. Few weeks ago.”

The aura was not good. This wasn’t good. Sooji was taken back when she heard him cough rapidly after spitting those cold words.

“I...” Sooji trailed but he was right. Yeonjun knew better than her.

Yeonjun cleared his throat harshly after the repeated coughing.

“You only called now?”

“Yeonjun-”

“So the only way we will reconcile our next fight is when I’m on my deathbed, yeah?”

“Don’t think like that!” Sooji snapped. Ryujin looked at her, her smiley eyes disappearing after seeing her stressed state. Ryujin signaled a thumbs up, asking if she was okay. Sooji exchanged a nod before looking away. She didn’t want to ruin their day because of her.

“You’re making me think!”

“I’m so sorry. We’ll talk about this when you get better, I promise.” Sooji said genuinely, her members were now flocking towards Manager Hayi. She looked at her to call for her attention. Sooji nodded quickly, panicking whether to ask for a minute and continue the call or tell Yeonjun that she had to go.

“I’ll see you when I get back.”

“Okay.” Sooji said, as if she was telling it to herself. “Okay. Take care of yourself.”

Yeonjun dropped the call without replying. Sooji could still hear his faint coughing before he did. She did an improper breathing exercise and turned around to go back to work. They all filled them up with their agenda today. Strolling around Tokyo Tower then attending to TWICE’s concert. It was nerve-wrecking for her to see her seniors.

Taehyun silently updated her throughout the day. She didn’t talk to Beomgyu since he had a lot on his plate considering that he was still injured from their last showcase in Atlanta. Sooji felt bad that she scolded him, thinking she should do something when they both get back in exchange for an apology and gratitude. Yeonjun wouldn’t answer any of her texts which made her feel more uneasy since Taehyun said Yeonjun had been completely occupied with his own mind. 

“He’s not himself the whole day. It’s making me worry, noona. Whenever we’re all gathered up, he’ll assure us that he’s okay. But I know he’s hiding his sickness for us not to worry. I stood by him after the practice and he was panting like a thirsty dog.”

“I don’t know what to do. He’s not answering any of my texts.” Sooji scratched the palm of her hands out of anxiousness.

“He’s focusing on tonight’s showcase and we have two members who aren’t feeling well. This is the biggest one so I think he’s feeling much more about it. But I don’t know too, noona. Keep texting him before the show, I suggest.”

Sooji hummed in mixture of agreement and nervousness. “Okay.”

“I have to go, Ji-noona. We’re starting in a few.”

“Thank you, Tyun. Good luck on your show.” Sooji thanked, pulling the sheets on top of her body to warm it up. The temperature of the room was too much for her and her body was still down after the long strolls.

Taehyun thanked her before saying his farewell and hanging up the call. Even when it was so hard, she continued to sleep since yesterday day was still tiring. A pending schedule not later in the afternoon was waiting for her. Their trip to Japan was only short, though, aside from the KCON it’s nothing much but having a camera with them while strolling around. 

“Why were you eating ramyeon early in the morning?” Lia laughed as they strolled around the hotel garden. Surprisingly, she was the first member who woke up and caught Sooji eating an instant ramyeon she bought when she went to the convenience store. Sooji couldn’t sleep for more than two hours after Taehyun’s update.

They already started filming since they went downstairs, just wearing casual for the day. Sooji wore three layers for her top: white shirt, large sized-blue plaid blouse, and denim jacket being the uppermost layer.

“Don’t look at me. Are you seeing Yuna right now?” Sooji defended, playfully diverting the attention to Yuna.

Yuna was holding a carton of milk and piece of cake while they were walking around the garden. Sooji had to give her credits for multi-tasking.

“She ordered that from room service.” Chaeryeong added fuel.

“I can’t believe you’re betraying me like this, eonnie. I thought I’m your favorite.” Yuna pouted, settling on a random bench as she put her food down.

Chaeryeong chuckled. “What favorite?” 

“I’m talking to Ji-nie.” Yuna pushed out her tongue to retort. They all laughed at their petty fights. It’s always the maknaes.

“Maybe ramyeon reminds her of someone.” Chaeryeong teased, turning all the attention on her- including the camera. 

Oh, they were filming.

“Yah, let me eat ramyeon in peace!” Sooji defensively scolded, avoiding to look at the camera. 

“Do you miss him?” Yuna slipped. Their eyes widened at her question. Yuna realized it too when she saw their reactions. “I m-mean—”

“Soobin? How are they?” Yeji saved, flipping the air back as it was. The tension was still felt and the awkward silence was still there, but they worked on it.

“Heard their showcases were sold out. I guess, they’re doing well?”

Lie. 

Yes, truthfully. They were doing well with the performance. The only thing that’s messing it was their health. It’s one of the core factors in being a performer, for Sooji, and she was deeply concerned about the boys.

“Is this allowed?” Yeji asked Manager Hayi who was also with them.

“Yeah, sure. It’s for content anyway. Message to TXT? They’re your friends, right?” Manager Hayi asked before excusing herself to attend a phone call.

“I hope you have a successful showcase! Return safely, okay? Yah, Soobinie, get me chocolates!” Sooji chuckled at her own childishness. The girls flocked behind her. They were sitting beside Yuna, Yeji was standing. 

“And the others?” Yuna asked with double-meaning. Sooji swore, no one can top Yuna’s shipping agenda.

“Ningning, I know you’re still young and maybe scared now but you have you plushies beside you. Hyungs too!” Sooji said, grinning on the camera. “Taehyun-ah, I know you guys only have a single braincell and it belongs only to you. You’re one of the maknaes but please, take care of the others...”

“Yah, Ji-ah, that’s mean.” Lia rebuked but she was containing her laugh.

“It was an inside joke. Don’t bash me, please.” Sooji laughed nervously, looking at the camera again. “Beomie, you’re the mood maker of your group. I sincerely hope you’re doing okay. Noona is always here if you need someone to talk to, okay?”

If Beomgyu wasn’t injured, she would’ve stated another playful remark; but he was. Sooji couldn’t imagine being in his state and basing from Yeonjun’s rants, he’s also a perfectionist himself. A center that he was, he had to be.

Yeonjun.

Right.

What was she supposed to say?

“Are you serious?” Lia laughed while they were on their way to Tower Record.

Sooji groaned in embarrassment, sitting on her usual car seat. “Shut it.” 

“Eonnie, you’re so corny!” Yuna teased, nudging her from the backseat. Sooji was beside Chaeryeong while Lia was on the other side of the car. Yeji and Ryujin joined Yuna on the back, it’s their favorite spot.

Ryujin stood up from her seat, mockingly doing the same what Sooji did earlier. She raised her hand, doing the ILY sign. “Yeonjunie, hwaiting! Rock and roll.”

“What was that, please. I’m laughing!” Yeji bursted out cackling harshly with the others. 

“I couldn’t resist herself from doing the hand thing! I forgot they were filming!” Sooji explained, clearly in defense mod. She used her hand to hide her face but they were already hysterically laughing at what she did earlier. Sooji was lucky they weren’t with Manager Hayi in the same shuttle.

They stopped teasing her when the staffs gave them self-camera to film theirselves. Hayi excused herself to let them have fun on their own after reminding them about the schedule and the safety precautions. 

First stop was at Tower Record. They had fun looking around the floor where the K-POP merchandises were located. The music video of DALLA DALLA was even playing on the big screen. They were overwhelmed seeing many people were watching it with them. 

Next was Harajuku. They decided to split the groups. Yeji was with Ryujin, Lia with Chaeryeong, and Sooji was with Yuna.

“No way.” Ryujin laughed when she saw the pairings.

“This is hilarious! Imagine if Ryu-nie joined that group.” Chaeryeong added, pointing her fingers at Yuna and Sooji to make the camera see.

“Sooji and Yuna, we’re still going to eat. Go stroll around and don’t buy snacks, okay? I’m talking to the both of you.” Yeji commanded with a playful worried tone.

“Did you hear anything, Ji-nie?” Yuna asked, looking around as if she was clueless.

Sooji decided to join her tactics since she was hungry too. “What? Suddenly, I can’t hear anything. Let’s go, Yuna?” 

“Aish!” Yeji hissed but contorting into a laugh. 

“Yah, atleast update us to where you’re going!” Sooji heard Lia shouted using her big sister tone. Yuna pushed out a thumbs up while Sooji was busy setting up the camera that they would be using.

Unsurprisingly, their assumptions were correct. Yuna and Sooji spent their free day playing on a local arcade establishment and buying snacks. Their group chat with the members were ringing wildly according to Yuna. They sent a selfie while waiting for the ice cream they ordered. 

YEJI

if i get white hair i’m blaming both of you

RYUJIN

get me some too!

CHAERYEONG

we’re meeting in a cafe pls stop eating-

YEJI

where are you and lia?

wey’re just got inside the cafe

CHAERYEONG

she’s busy shopping for her family 

actually she’s paying now

they’re not far from there we’ll be there in a few

YEJI

ji and yuna?

ME

on our way!!! 

They stopped by the cafe and saw Yeji and Ryujin only, chattering around with the camera. They look at them with surprise expressions.

“What’s up?” Sooji asked, Yuna took the seat beside Ryujin. She decided to stand up since she was still giving a thought if she should order a drink to take out.

Ryujin spatted Yuna’s hand that was sneakily getting a piece of churros. “You got here first before Chae and Lia.” 

“There they are!” Sooji exclaimed, pointing on the door when she saw two familiar figures.

“Thank God! Where were you-” Yeji asked in stress. She cut her own statement when she saw what they were holding. “A crepe... really...”

“In my defense, Chaeryeong made me order!” Lia defended with her hands raised, holding  three shopping bags and wrapped crepe.

“Put the blame on me as if you didn’t enjoy the blessing.” Chaeryeong barked, taking a seat on the table.

“Guess we just have to do better on the rehearsals when we get back.” Ryujin laughed as she chewed happily on the churros.

“Are they leaving now?” Sooji asked, looking at her phone. There were no updates. Still.

“In an hour,” Yeji answered.

Sooji nodded. “Anyone wants to get a drink before going?” 

The girls shook their heads and mouthing a thank you while busying theirselves with their business. Ryujin warned her about caffeine before talking to Yuna about the arcade. The others showed the camera what Lia bought during her shopping spree. Sooji went to the counter to ask for a lychee fruit tea with coconut gel as sinker. When she got back, Manager Hayi was there to fetch them. Their things from the hotel were already on their car. Hayi also joined them in the car so they could discuss their schedule when they get back to Seoul.

“You have lot of time in your hands but you have to film during work, still. Enjoy it while it lasts because I can assure you that it will be busier after this month.” Manager Hayi advised, looking at the road. 

There’s nothing much except the preparation for the KBS half year special. It was significant for them as a rookie group knowing that they would be with other senior artists too. Sooji could vividly recall Yeonjun told her that TXT was still tentative about joining too.

Think of the devil and the devil shall appear. Her phone beeped from her lap. They also arrived to the airport. Sooji was thankful enough that the fans here in Japan were polite. They didn’t pile towards them but instead, they were busy waving and bowing. Sooji smiled widely at their cute faces as they walked inside.

YEONJUN

im eating breakfast

dallas showcase was successful so im feeling ok

ME

we’re heading back in seoul

when will i see you? 

YEONJUN

our flight is on the 5th

June 5... that was two weeks more. Sooji mentally calculated. She texted him that she was already in the airport and he told her they were going to be busy the whole day too so they didn’t talk. After hours of waiting to board, they’re finally settling down on the plane. 

“Yej, you aren’t going to sleep?” Sooji asked, fixing her eye cover. She was sitting beside her. Sooji wanted to be on the window but it was clear that Yeji was so excited to seat on it so she settled on the aisle instead.

“I like looking at the view from here.” Yeji muttered, eyes sparkling at the sight. “I’ll wake you up when we get there. It’s not far anyway.”

Sooji nodded and gave her a smile. Yeji was filming herself, quietly murmuring the words that Sooji failed to understand because she was falling asleep.

Sooji spilled her water from her mouth, bursting the tiny drops of liquids everywhere near her.

“Manners!” Sooji heard Yeji scolded.

“Why are they here!” Sooji screamed frantically.

They were having a break from rehearsals. Fortunately, the people in the room was only them. The instructors left earlier after the girls did a perfect run of WANT IT and DALLA DALLA.

“Who?” Lia asked.

“TXT?” Chaeryeong guessed.

Exactly. Sooji was scrolling through her feed when she caught sight of pictures and clips from the airport. The press was going insane with their arrival. Fans too. They flocked over them. Sooji was thankful for the security they had or else they’d be hurt.

“What are you saying, Ji? It’s June 5. Didn’t you open the group chat? Hueningkai and Soobin were flooding airplane selfies. They had wifi.” Ryujin stated, furrowing her brows in confusion at her sudden outburst.

“It’s June 5?” Her eyes grew as she looked at the date on her phone. “Already!”

“We lost her,” said Ryujin.

Sooji typed TXT arrival on the search bar and saw more contents. Yeonjun looked handsome with his simple outfit. Just black longsleeves loosely tucked into denim pants and his classic vans. He looked dashing despite the buckethat covering his face.

“Eonnie, are you okay?” Yuna asked, she was still dancing to random moves. Sooji assumed her maknae was still hyper because of the amount of sweets she ate before the rehearsals.

“I lost track.” Sooji muttered. The girls just chuckled, going back to their own activities. 

When they got back to Japan, less than a week after, Jinyoung called for a meeting and told them to start recording their own demo for the pending song for the upcoming mini-album. It wasn’t a title track nor completely sure that it will be on the album but they still did their best to prove that they deserved a comeback on August.

They needed to perform perfectly on KBS to get that opportunity. Free and easy things didn’t exist on idol life. 

ME

you didn’t tell me you’re back

YEONJUN

i told u we were coming back today

ME

okay point taken

YEONJUN

good to know ur talking to me

can we meet up now

ME

aren’t you tired from the flight

YEONJUN

u know im never tired when it comes to u

Sooji gulped at his last text. Was he feeling better now? 

YEONJUN

give me a hug, my home

Sooji still didn’t get it. Why wasn’t Yeonjun mad? Sooji was rumored to be dating someone else. And the fact that it was Hyunjin, who he had been jealous of, made it worse. If Sooji was in his place, she wouldn’t throw any glance at her anymore. 

ME

im wrapping up now

where will we meet?

YEONJUN

my baby is with u

ME

you mean the car?

YEONJUN

yeah 

and u ofc

ME

i thought u were mad

YEONJUN

do i have any reason to be?

ME

none

nevermind i’ll text u when i’m near ur dorm

give me two hours just go and rest first

He texted an okay, drive safely so Sooji started fixing her things. She cleaned her sweat on the shower room. Not gonna lie but she was imagining bad scenarios. 

“I’m going back to the dorm. You gonna join?” Sooji asked Chaeryeong, who was fixing her toiletries, getting ready to shower. They were the last ones left. The other girls had their own agendas.

“Huh? Weren’t you meeting Yeonjun-oppa?” She whispered, afraid of anyone eavesdropping.

“I will, though, I need to change cars first. I’m using mine now and I have to return his.” Sooji answered, putting on an oversized white hoodie that ends one inch above her knee. She was wearing bleached denim shorts inside, no worries. 

“Okay, I still have to take a shower. Is it okay?” Chaeryeong asked, holding her towel.

Sooji smiled and nodded. “Sure. I’ll wait on the lounge on this floor. I’ll get some drink.”

Chaeryeong nodded her head lightly and went out of her sight to go inside the cubicle. Sooji packed her things in her herschel and went to the lounge. Hyunjin was there. He looked at her and grinned, as if there was no scandal that had spread about them.

“How’s my favorite girl?” Hyunjin asked, chuckling at his own sweet words. Sooji realized this was their first interaction after the incident. Thank Hyunjin for not being awkward about it.

“Usual.” Sooji answered, shrugging her shoulders. “Are you treating me a drink?”

He smirked playfully. “When did I never?” 

“I’m joking. Back off, I got this.” said Sooji, getting rid of Hyunjin’s hands on the vending machine. 

It was her personality to ask for something, but it was solely meant as a joke. People kept falling for it and she was the type that didn’t want to hold any debt. In the end, Sooji would just panic to stop the person from buying her anything.

“Heard TXT just got back.” Hyunjin cleared his throat, opening a conversation. “You lovebirds, okay?”

The strawberry milk fell from the machine. Sooji quickly got it before Hyunjin since she knew how gentleman he was. “We’re getting there.” 

“Oh.” He coughed, awkwardly shifting his weight while leaning on the side of the machine.

“Hey, you’re performing for the half year too?” Sooji asked, fixing the uncomfortable air that was starting to envelop them.

“Yeah. Only 12 artists will perform yet Pd-nim’s been crazy over it.”

“It will be aired live on a national television, he’s supposed to be.” Sooji said in agreement to the situation. “We’re supposed to be.”

Hyunjin chuckled, holding a fist on top of his mouth. “You’re making me nervous now!”

Sooji saw Chaeryeong going out of the showerroom before she laughed at his reaction. “Well, got to go now.” 

“Can’t believe you’re leaving after twisting my mind. I dislike you with burning passion.” He rolled his eyes playfully. “Take care!”

They bowed to each other. Sooji linked her arms with Chaeryeong who looked surprised at her action.

“You’re happy?” She chuckled with her eyes in shock.

“No, Chae. I’m straight up nervous seeing Yeonjun.” Sooji giggled, contrasting to the message.

“You’re not in good terms?” She gasped, clicking the elevator. It opened in instant, showing an empty space.

Sooji sighed. “Since the Hyunjin issue.” 

“That’s almost a month, eonnie.” Chaeryeong said, disbelieving.

“Look, I was overthinking at how he would react.”

“You didn’t talk to him about it?” Chaeryeong asked but it was obvious that she concluded already.

“No. I told you I was nervous.” Sooji exhaled sharply.

The younger lady let out a confused sound. “Until now?” 

“Yes. Then he got impatient.” Sooji added, avoiding any eye contact from her. It felt like she was held in a court room and Chaeryeong was the lawyer from the opposite side.

“I wouldn’t blame him. No offense, eonnie, but you’re the one in the wrong.” She commented, getting out of the elevator. 

Sooji walked towards her car and opened it. “I know. It’s the reason why I’m nervous in the first place.” 

“Yeonjun-oppa looks like he’s a good man. Don’t prolong this any longer, eonnie.” Chaeryeong advised which she only nodded in reply, digesting Chaeryeong’s words.

Sooji started driving towards the dormitory. It wasn’t far, it’s just unsafe to walk on the streets. She didn’t want to be in the headline anymore. Then, she dropped Chaeryeong off the dormitory building before switching cars, leaving her bag safely. It was alarming to drive Yeonjun’s car, knowing that the media was aware about his car. Even writing an article about them.

Sooji was early when she got in front of their building and was about to text him until she caught glimpse of him going out of the door. Yeonjun was wearing a simple band shirt and ripped jeans. He looked fresh, probably from the air on Los Angeles. Sooji suddenly recalled that Yeonjun told her it was his favorite place on America because of their trainee days.

Sooji was happy to see him. It’s been a month since she had seen that healing face. She didn’t know but whenever she looked at him, something inside her just felt okay. He was the personification of her safe place. 

Choi Yeonjun could never hurt her.

Sooji got out of the car with her mask and hoodie on, excitement rushing in her veins as she manipulated her phone to call him. When she raised her head back to his direction, Sooji saw him suddenly holding hands with a member that was from IZ*ONE.

Choi Yeonjun could hurt her.

He just did.

Chapter Text

“I want to go home.” 

“You saw it wrong! Chaewon slipped in front of me, it was her instinct to help her.” Yeonjun explained, his eyes full of worries and assurances. 

Yeonjun saw her the moment he bowed to Charwon for farewell. And Sooji could see Chaewon’s faint blush from afar. Or was she just imagining things?

Sooji nodded tiredly. “Okay. I just want to go home.”

“Aren’t we going to talk?” Yeonjun asked, brows furrowing, feeling a bit betrayed.

“No. We don’t have to talk about. I’m tired.” Sooji muttered dismissively. 

It was true. Sooji didn’t want to talk about anything. She knew Yeonjun wanted to talk about the issue but with what she saw earlier, Sooji couldn’t think straight. The ghost of her father was still hunting her. If they talked now, it wouldn’t end well.

“I’m sorry with what happened earlier but I swear nothing is happening between us-”

“I know, Yeonjun.”

She didn’t.

“And you know damn well what I want to talk about.” Yeonjun’s voice stormed, causing echoes in her head. Her heart beat loudly, but she put on a straight face.

“And I don’t want to talk. Take me back to my dorm.” Sooji objected, her ego was eating her again.

Sooji was always like this. Whenever she felt like she would get hurt, she would raise up her walls to everything and everyone. She wouldn’t even waste a second thinking about what might happen, as long as she’s protecting herself. It was her defense mechanism.

“What the fuck, Sooji?” Yeonjun cursed in frustration, looking at her with betrayal yet longing eyes.

“Fine. If you don’t want to take me home then I’ll take the cab.” Sooji said in finality, pushing herself to go out of the car. 

Yeonjun quickly held her body in place. His other hand locked the door as if it was useful. “Fucking stubborn, baby. I’ll take you home if that’s what you want.” 

He went back to his place after seeing that Sooji stayed in here. Yeonjun’s hands were gripping the steering wheel hard as he maneuvered angrily.

“C-can we talk? Or just hear me out... I can’t hold this anymore.” He pursued after parking on their basement floor. “I was gonna buy you roses that’s why I was out early. The floor was wet, and she slipped right in front of me. I can’t just let her fall, Ji.”

Yeonjun explained it with genuineness. And yes, he couldn’t. Yeonjun was kind enough to help everybody in need. It was his nature. But one couldn’t blame Sooji from being obstinate. She saw how her father cheated on their mother in front of her. 

“I get it, Yeonjun. Now, leave me alone.” 

Yeonjun looked at her with pain and rage. Her heart hurt when she felt his breaching of trust too. “Fucking hell! I know you’re hurt but I’m hurt too. When I read those articles, you think I was okay? I was feeling every damn thing!”

Sooji heard his muffled noises. She tried to take a glimpse of him, and there were tears coming down on his cheeks. He angrily wiped his face before looking at her, eyes blood-shot. Sooji stayed quietly, unable to say anything by just looking at his state.

“I was feeling so pressured about the showcase. People’s eyes were on us, waiting for any mistakes. We’ve been receiving comments that we’re only famous because of their seniors. I wanted to do more. To prove them wrong...” Yeonjun ranted, panting from the heavy words he was saying. “The boys... Soobin, Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Hueningkai were getting eaten up by the double standards. Fuck, I had to stay strong!”

“I was doing well. It was fucking alright to be the only shoulder they were able to lean on. They were away from everyone. I was the eldest hyung, I had to take care of them... but I needed someone too.” He exhaled sharply before looking back at her. “While they were depending on me... I was depending on you.”

“I was confused why you stopped texting me anymore. And when I had the time to scroll through my SNS, I saw Hyunjin and your name. Dating, they said.” 

Sooji avoided his gaze and looked at her hands. She was still wearing the bracelet he gave her. “You believed them?”

“I was hurt but my love for you wasn’t shallow. I know it was just rumors and I convinced herself that it’s okay for you to have other friends. As much as I want you all by herself, you are your own person. I told you that last year, do you remember?” He stated, finally calm and collected.

Sooji nodded before gulping. Still processing his point of view, asking herself how did she get someone that was an angel in disguise?

“But you weren’t like you used to. You were harder to read and fuck the distance, it made it worse! Days pass by and you were getting colder and colder. I streamed your performances and you didn’t do the hand signal. It’s like you didn’t care about me anymore. What was I supposed to think?”

She looked at him, gathering up courage to explain her side. “What was I supposed to say, Yeonjun? I don’t know how to approach you! What face am I going to show you? I didn’t do anything wrong yet why am I feeling that way!”

“You didn’t do anything wrong so why are you guilty?” Yeonjun asked, blinking twice. He cupped her cheeks to make her eyes look at his. “Look at me, Jiji. Tell me anything, baby. I’m gonna listen to you... please.”

Sooji couldn’t look at him anymore longer without hurting. She was reminded of what happened in the past month, mixed with him holding Chaewon. His eyes that once reflected as a sunny day changed into a storm surging that if Sooji looked at any longer, she would drown. 

Like how she drowned when her family fell apart.

“No.” Sooji opposed, getting his hands off her face. It wasn’t tight and he didn’t fight back anymore. She figured, Yeonjun was already tired. 

“Fuck!” He shouted, hitting the steering wheel with frustration. Sooji jumped lightly because of the sound and hard impact.

“We need space.”  

“I don’t need such shit. Do your thing. Get your damn space, I don’t fucking care. Just tell me if you’re done with that damn pride of yours.” Yeonjun turned his look to her opposite side. Sooji sighed, letting out the hurt she felt when he said those acid words. 

Sooji got off his car without saying anything. As soon as she did, he flew past her. It was cold at how fast Yeonjun drove out of the parking lot. 

“That was sassy.” Sooji heard Ryujin commented after doing a dry run of their new choreography.

Schedule had been changed the day she met up with Yeonjun. She was still numb from what happened, and when she got inside the dorm, the girls were pilling up on the couch. 

“We’ve been contacting you. Where were you?” Sooji looked at the one who spoke, and it was Manager Hayi. 

“What’s happening here?” Sooji asked after bowing, avoiding the question she asked.

Turned out, their schedule had been revised. It was packed, getting ready for the comeback. It had three songs and choreography so they needed to move now. The comeback was still uncertain, though. They needed to ace the special stage first.

They tried out the dance of ICY for a week and half; then on the rest, they would be focusing on the polishing for the half year special. They had to juggle two choreographies at once because they had a flight waiting for them by next month since they’re shooting the music video in Los Angeles.

Everything was packed. It made her more preoccupied. Especially, a paparazzo that was lurking caught Yeonjun and Chaewon’s interaction. Seoul basically went hysterical. Not just theirs, but some fanbases like Hyunjin’s and hers got into petty fights about shipping. They were throwing hands at each other that she just had to log off her social media to detox. It was affecting her.

When Ryujin commented that it was sassy, Sooji agreed. ICY was about being confident and being perceived as cold. Because sometimes, being confident can be misinterpreted by some people. Judging you’re arrogant or bitchy when you’re just actually confident about what you’re doing.

“Ji, Hayi-nim’s asking for you in her office.” Dabin informed her, stopping the music. 

Sooji stood there, blinking in confusion. The girls were sharing looks about it. Yeji was in some alert leader mode. Lia and Chaeryeong looked like in deep thought. While Ryujin showed concern. And Yuna being clueless as she chewed on her bubblegum.

Dabin resumed the music. “Girls, continue. Get your things, Ji. This is the last run for today, anyway.” 

Sooji did what she was told to do, and packed her things. She hurriedly went to the restroom first to wipe off her sweat and changed clothes since she wouldn’t be able to take a shower.

Biting her lips nervously, she knocked on the door before opening it. Sooji saw her manager sitting by her swivel chair with hand holding her head as she scanned through the paper on top of the desk.

“Hayi-nim.” Sooji greeted, bowing.

Hayi lifted her head to look at her and smiled. “Ah, Sooji! Done with practice?” 

She gestured Sooji to sit down on the chair in front of her as she busily searched for something.

“Dabin-sshi already dismissed me.” Sooji answered, obeying at what her manager was offering.

Hayi picked a paper from her desk and handed it to her. It was a script.

“You’re an emcee for the backstage interview.” 

Her eyes widened. Sooji scratched her head in confusion. “What...”

“You’re in charge of interviewing your members before your second performance starts. You’re also with another 4th generation boy group but Music bank is still deciding whether it will be STRAY KIDS or TXT.” Hayi stated. Sooji stopped her breathing, processing at the informations she was saying. 

“May I ask who would it be from both groups?” Sooji asked politely, mindlessly skimming through the short script.

“STRAY KIDS clearly would be Hyunjin since both of you had left a good impression on the media.” Hayi answered while Sooji formed her lips into a thin line as she recalled what happened there. “TXT probably would be your brother? That’s a good combination.”

Sooji sighed in relief.

“Or the eldest? You’re being shipped with him, right?” Hayi added.

Sooji’s teeth clenched on her bottom lips, and her hands curled into a fist.

“Choi Yeonjun... am I correct?”

“You told me you’re going to do better and you’re giving her this?” Jinyoung’s voice boomed inside the practice room.

Sooji stood there, helplessly looking at the floor. She didn’t know where she went wrong. Sooji was so sure she did her moves perfectly.

“With all due respect, I don’t think Sooji missed anything.” Sooji looked up in surprise to see Dabin was defending her.

Jinyoung went closer to point at her face with his palms open. “She did it flawlessly but did you see her facial expressions? She looked like a dancing zombie!”

Sooji felt so ashamed of herself. There were too many people in the room considering that it was three days before the actual performance. 

“You show yourself like this on that stage and I will be moving your comeback. Do not test me.” He threatened her before going out, slamming the door, furious and disappointed.

Sooji looked at herself in the mirror. People were looking at her but when she actually got eye contacts, they avoided it out of pity. She swallowed the lump in her throat.

Never let them see you bleed.

“This is it for the day. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Dabin dismissed them with her hands massaging her head in distress. “Sooji?”

Sooji put on her usual face before looking at her.

“You’re skipping practice tomorrow, if ai am not mistaken?”

“Yes. Hayi-nim and I will go to the venue for the group representatives.” Sooji answered, spitting the last word in disgust. How could I be the chosen representative when she keep messing our group? 

“Tell Hayi-sshi to send me a picture and the details of the stage, alright? I want to check if we need adjustments. I’m hoping for a smooth screening before the show day since we have time constraints, I don’t want to have unnecessary adjustments.” Dabin commanded in deep thought, crossing her arms in the process.

Sooji nodded and fixed her things. The practice room was unusually quiet which was because of her. She drove back to the dorm with her members like what they used to, but there was an uncomfortable silence too. Later on, they went inside their rooms and took their shower. 

They ate the food that Lia ordered. The members were now being loud and cheering her up but she just smiled and told them not to worry because she would do better. 

“He said it himself. You danced flawlessly, Ji-eonnie.” Chaeryeong assured.

“No need to worry about it. He was just probably having a bad day.” Yuna added.

Ryujin raised her fork up, making silly faces. “Or he’s nervous about the performance!”

They laughed at her attempted joke before settling down when Yeji cleared her throat.

“Let him be nervous as long as we aren’t. To be honest, I’m proud of us. Let’s keep doing their best...” Yeji confessed, looking away at the sentimental phrase she let out.

“Leader-nim~” Yuna teased, wiggling her eyebrows playfully. They chuckled at Yeji’s reddening face.

“Yah, Shin Yuna. You’re in charge of the dishes.” Yeji announced, defending herself from the embarrassment.

“It’s Ryujin-eonnie’s turn!” Yuna complained with her hands raised, pouting at the sudden change of routine.

“You’re fault.” Ryujin giggled, adding gas to the fire.

The bickering continued for another minute and Sooji could only sigh contently. Just being with the girls made her cheer up whenever she was being scolded. But sometimes, she thought of not having to deserve the place that she had right now.

What if ITZY was just a 5-member group?

It’s what she think of constantly.

Sooji was brought back to reality when she noticed that Yeji was staring her long enough. Their eyes met and she signaled her on the living room. The girls bid their day off and went to their separate rooms. They probably felt it too. That Sooji needed a talk with Yeji.

“How are you holding up?” Yeji asked. Instead of going to the living room, they went to the small balcony. Cold summer night wind blew both of their hair. It was difficult yet refreshing.

“I’m fine, Yej. Please, don’t worry about me.” Sooji said in assurance, faking what she really felt.

“I will be honest with you, Ji.”

Sooji shifted uncomfortably at her place but she gestured her that it was okay to speak. Yeji looked at her with uncertainty before speaking.

“How many people have you pushed away so you could be miserable by yourself?” 

Sooji avoided her judging gaze. Yeji wanted to get answers from her, Sooji was sure of it. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t think you noticed but... you affect everyone around you. We all do. One shift of an action, movement, mood, or feelings, we all affect the people surrounding them.” Yeji stated wisely, putting her hands on her hips. “Even if you try to hide it, I can feel it. Maybe the others are too dense but there are some people who can see through eyes, Ji... I guess I was lucky enough to be your leader that I noticed this.” 

“I’ve been noticing small things since your issue with Hyunjin came out but I refrained myself from speaking because I wasn’t sure if you needed help. Is this about it?” Yeji asked, carefully not offending Sooji with her words.

“My mind is all over the places, Yeji. I don’t know what to do... or what to decide. I keep delaying the inevitable and standing up only for herself because I don’t want to get hurt.” Sooji finally rasped out, the words crawling out of her mouth with so much fragility.

“You have to listen to me, okay?” Yeji started as she went closer to her. Sooji silently leaned her head on her shoulder. 

“You have to decide what’s important... keeping your pride and getting nothing.... or taking a risk and maybe.. maybe getting everything you’ve ever wanted?” 

Sooji felt her world stopping for a moment at what she stated. It got her thinking so much but it cleared her mind a bit. Yeji noticed it too and pat her head before releasing herself from her.

“Isolation is not the same as independence. Think about it. Think about the happy moments you’ve experienced. The bad ones are just part of it but it doesn’t define you. And just think about the good things that you might receive from risking.” Yeji said and smiled before walking out, leaving her with her thoughts and the moonlight.

Maybe Sooji and the moon can talk about it.

Sooji closed her eyes as she did her breathing pattern properly. She thought of the good things recently. Aside from the blooming in her career, she only thought of Yeonjun and his reassuring smiles.

Sooji reminded herself that Yeonjun was far different from her father. He couldn’t be the same as him. Yeonjun took care of her that he sacrificed so much of himself. All he did was to make her happy and comfortable these past few months. How could Sooji had the audacity to accuse him otherwise? 

Choi Yeonjun is not my poison.

Choi Yeonjun is my antidote.

Sooji pulled out her phone, deciding to press the button that would call directly on Yeonjun’s number. But she was hesitating and it made her more mad. Sooji was mad at herself for hesitating, always, always, hesitating even when she already knew the things she wanted.

“H-hello?”

Sooji heard his tired voice but she could feel Yeonjun’s mind running miles to her place. He was probably shocked that Sooji called him first.

“I miss you.”

It was a sunny morning when Sooji woke up from the only peaceful sleep that she felt for months. Hayi looked at her weirdly when she got inside the car service. 

“You seem like yourself today, Sooji-sshi.”

Sooji grinned her teeth and smiled widely towards her. “I’m excited for the show.” 

Hayi gave her identification card for the venue pass, and started discussing about their agenda for today. Aside from practicing the script with her co-emcee and observing the venue, there’s nothing much since there will be an official screening tomorrow with the whole line up. It’s just the representatives today.

Speaking of emcee-ing, Sooji still didn’t have any clue who it was. She decided to text Hyunjin.

ME

are you my emcee partner?

HYUNJIN

omg beshie ur ITZY’s emcee?

chan’s on his way to the venue though

ME

he’s my partner then?

HYUNJIN

wym? i heard txt will collab with u 

ME

WHAT

HYUNJIN

WhAt

Sooji silently groaned at Hyunjin’s playful reply, silently thinking who was her partner between Soobin and Yeonjun. She thought of texting them but they were probably busy so it made her guess more. 

“Let’s go, Sooji.” Hayi said when the car stopped by the entrance of the venue. The media was either prohibited or didn’t have a clue since no one was here. 

Sooji went through security precautions before actually going inside. From there, she met members from different groups like RED VELVET, NCT, ASTRO, and other soloists too. She was feeling small by their presence but they were kind. RED VELVET’s Irene even praised her for being JYP’s secret weapon, she said. 

“Thank you, Irene-sunbaenim!” Sooji thanked, bowing in process.

“Just stating the truth, Sooji-sshi. Good luck with your performance.” Irene smiled before waving her off good bye. Sooji quickly looked at the selfies they took. She smirked playfully, sending it to her members. She was certain the girls would react wildly once they see this.

Manager Hayi went inside the room where Sooji assumed they would meet other emcees. She put her phone inside her pocket to focus on her work. She bowed politely once she saw bodies were standing.

“Good morning.” 

Everyone exchanged greetings. When she finally surveyed the room, Sooji saw a familiar figure. Her face fell when she looked at his face. He subtly chuckled at her shocked expression.

“Great, both of the emcees of TOMORROW BY TOGETHER and ITZY are here! Thank you for coming early, Yeonjun-sshi and Sooji-sshi! Shall they start?”

Chapter Text

“The complete betrayal is felt.” Sooji commented once they were finally done practicing.

He laughed beside her, giving her another bar of chocolate. Yeonjun kept giving her treats that he bought from the vending machine every chance he had. He did that every break, giving her water to hydrate like if Sooji didn’t sip every hour, she would pass out because of dehydration.

“You alright?” He asked after being amused with her tantrums.

“I’m okay— apart from the fact that you did not tell anything about you’ll be emcee-ing with me!” Sooji accused, drinking water.

Everyone was busy with their businesses so she didn’t pay attention on what they might assume. Besides, not that they would care to create an issue towards Yeonjun and Sooji.

“Yah, you didn’t ask me!” Yeonjun countered, putting his hands on top of his chest and acting like he was offended. “You literally called me last night and said those words then dipped!”

“Yeonjun!” Sooji scolded, scanning at the people surrounding them.

“Yah, did you know you almost gave me a heart attack?” He added, shaking his head while suppressing his smile.

“I’m sorry.” 

Yeonjun jolted and looked at her in surprise. It took one look to know what she was sorry about.

“Do you wanna run away?” 

And so, they did. Her heart was pounding hard throughout their journey. Sooji was basically shaking when she asked permission from Manager Hayi, who looked at Yeonjun and Sooji suspiciously before dismissing her, assuming that Sooji would meet up with Soobin.

“Yeonjun, for the I-didn’t-count times! Where are we going?” Sooji asked impatiently.

Yeonjun was driving his Audi R8 with left hand on the steering wheel and the other alternating between controlling the gear shift and holding her thigh. His grey hair sprawling messily because of the wind coming inside of his rolled down window.

“Calm down, baby. We’re almost there.” Yeonjun said, squishing her thigh with assurance.

“Are you kidnapping me? We’re already in Boryeong!” Sooji exclaimed hysterically.

They logged out of the venue a little too early in the afternoon, and seeing the skies turning into a sunset soon, it was making her suffer from hysteria. And Yeonjun was driving for a bit too long now, it was adding to her paranoia.

He only laughed before passionately belting out the lyrics of LOVE. by Kendrick Lamar and Zacari. Sooji smiled at him when his hand went from her thigh to her hands, intertwining it. It was a one-direction empty road so he didn’t use it often. 

Sooji looked at him, adored by his happy face. The view of the calming sky and grasses they were passing by helped a lot. She took a picture and even a clip of Yeonjun’s angelic visual as he hit the high notes, beautifully mixing with the nostalgic summer view and posted it on her private instagram account.

@ csjiji_

my healing.

Sooji joined Yeonjun’s singing, jamming together BTS’ SPRING DAY. She was laughing at how they were singing, careless how their voices were cracking. She stopped to look at her feed, seeing new comments from her new post.

@ ryuddaeng

HELLO?!?!

@ moonlightyun

this is why i hate couples

@ angel313

AYOOOO YJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@ yeyedong

thats my g

@ yunanana

COME BACK WITH FOOD EONNIE 🥺

@ cottonchae

isnt that boryeong

@ dallia

(2)

@ soobunny

where arE YOU GOING?

@ ningningdungies

?!!!!?!???!?!?!!?!??

Sooji didn’t reply to anyone, but she texted Yeji that she might go home a bit late. The leader reminded her about the early call time they had tomorrow for the final screening. Sooji replied that she would be there before putting her phone down and gripping Yeonjun’s hand. He smiled at her with pure assurance. 

“What happened to that?” Sooji asked when she noticed a faint bruise on his right eye.

“Your brother punched me after reading the article. Who else?” He answered in a casual tone.

“Soobin did what!? Let me see—” Sooji leaned closer to take a check on it. “Does it hurt?”

“Soobinie might seem soft but please, he goes all out when it comes to you.” Yeonjun commented. “Understandable.”

“Are you guys good?” Sooji asked in hopes she didn’t ruin their friendship.

“In terms of being a co-member, we’re cool. I told him my side and he’s weighing. Plus, the guys wouldn’t allow their hyungs to have bad blood towards each other.” 

Nothing new about Soobin, he had always been the open-minded between the Choi twins. He would choose to listen about the other people’s point of view before concluding something. It’s one of his best qualities for being the leader.

“But as friends? No. He avoided me when it doesn’t concern anything about the band. And it’s the first time Soobin has held on to a grudge? I was surprised at first but I understood, you’re his sister.” Yeonjun added, maneuvering the wheel.

Yeonjun took a turn and parked his car. Sooji’s eyes widened when her mind processed that they were at Dongcheon Beach. He threw her a fresh white mask and his large baseball cap, giggling when the cap hit Sooji’s nose adoringly. Sooji quickly took off her leather jacket since it was hot, leaving with her white fitted sleeveless cropped top. She wore it and pushed her body out of the car. Then, she ran towards the shore, wearing leather boots and black leggings but she didn’t care about the sand sticking to her clothes.

Sooji was looking at the orange skyline in awe. Yeonjun eventually joined her with a small blanket on his hand.

“Did you plan this?” Sooji asked while he was setting up the blanket.

“No. I always have a blanket in my car to sleep in between shoots.”

Sooji pulled him next to her and gestured him to join her impromptu dance.

“There’s no music.” Yeonjun pointed out but there was a hint of smile playing around the corners of his plumped lips.

Sooji rolled her eyes in annoyance before turning her back on him, enjoying the view. “As if that’s ever stopped you, Choi.” 

For almost a minute, Sooji got surprised when Yeonjun put an airpod on her ear. She recognized the classic song. A moment later, they were looking into each other’s eyes; swaying together with the soft melody of the song playing in their ears, the sounds of the waves colliding, and his sweet voice humming gracefully.

“Take my hand... take my whole life too.”

Sooji’s heart felt strange. It was a good strange. It’s as if she could live in this moment forever, staring at Yeonjun, who looked so carefree without worries. Feeling emotions bursting out her body. Yeonjun took all her anxiousness. This was her epitome of contentment.

Sooji wished to live in this moment forever. Wholesome laughs were exchanged after they accidentally stepped on each other when they submerged on the pearl white sand. Not another single thing but warm smiles could be seen as the sun sinks into the horizon. The rays kissed Yeonjun’s honey glazed skin and natural flushed cheeks, glowing as he reflected on it ethereally. His eyes forming into crescents and his nose scrunching out of happiness. Under the orange sky, Sooji was staring at those deep brown irises shining the whole time.

There couldn’t be possibly anything more healing than the combination of Choi Yeonjun and the sunset. 

“I wish I knew what you really thought of me.” Yeonjun whispered, voice mixing with the strong wind.

I love you. I love you. I’m in love with you.

“But it’s okay. No pressure. You know, I’m completed with just having you by my side...” Yeonjun contradicted for a while. She felt his hand snaked on her waist tighter yet comfortable.

“Yeonjun...” Sooji called, stopping them from slow dancing. She pulled him on to the blanket to sit down, and he instinctively obeyed. Sooji sighed before speaking. “After having your heart ripped from your chest, it’s hard to trust anyone.” 

“Who was your first heartbreak?” He asked in a protective tone.

“My father.”

Yeonjun blinked at the revelation before looking at her with regret in his eyes. “Fuck. I’m sorry...”

“H-He cheated on my mom.” Sooji added in a small voice. The familiar agonizing pain went to her throat. “The reason why Soobin’s overprotective.”

“And he has every right to be. With that pure heart of yours, he should push away everything that might stain it.” Yeonjun remarked, agreeing. “Even if it’s me.”

“I understand what happened.” Sooji said, slowly, as she refused the lump forming in her throat. “And I’m sorry I had to push you away.”

“You have every reason to feel that way. The first thing you do is you push people away when you’re about to get hurt. I get why you acted the way you did. I triggered something that was traumatizing for you. I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for it.” He contrasted, feeling bad after hearing her confession.

Sooji raised her eyebrows in surprise. “You noticed?”

“I notice every little thing about you, baby.”

Sooji wheezed at his statement. Sometimes she would stop and think about how he knew Sooji more than she knew herself.

“I realized... I want to learn about it.” 

“About what?” He asked.

“Love.”

“Oh...” Yeonjun hummed, stuck in his own thoughts. Blue hour was starting now. It’s the sight of different variants of the colors: orange, pink, and blue; a particular transition when the day changes to night. Pleasingly attractive but complicated.  

Sooji liked to compare it to her relationship with Yeonjun.

It was so beautiful.

But it was so tragic too.

It’s painful to be with someone that you’re forbidden to keep. 

“You make me want to learn.” Sooji added, putting her gaze back at the waves when she felt a pang in her chest.

It was true. Sooji felt like the risk would be worth it. And if ever she ended up in pain, she would still be grateful at the memories she made with Yeonjun. 

Sooji felt Yeonjun’s finger tucking the loose hair behind her ear. “I want you to know, I’m not messing around with you. I’m literally risking it all, baby.”

Sooji gulped at the heavy words he stated then she looked at him, Yeonjun was already staring like he was going to say something more. He looked away when she caught his gaze.

“That’s dangerous.” He said, shaking his head with a small smile.

“What?” 

“Your eyes.”

Sooji was flustered. She assumed Yeonjun was pertaining to the statement he said before that. 

“I could feel you blushing from here.” He teased, but using an impassive tone.

“It’s because you’re dropping a pick up line out of nowhere.” Sooji fired back, leaning on his shoulder.

Yeonjun let out cough before speaking. “What pick up line? Your eyes are very dangerous, lover.” 

“How so?” Sooji challenged.

“It was the reason why I called you angel in the first place... There’s light in it that I don’t ever wanna lose.” Yeonjun answered, like he was saying something secretive. “Your eyes hold everything my soul yearns for.” 

Yeonjun shifted his position, pulling her into his arms. Imitating the same position they did back in Han River. His arms wrapped around her stomach as his head resting on her shoulder. There were no people surrounding them since Sooji went to the least common spot. It felt peaceful during this brief period.

“Did I ever tell you about that time that I keep falling in love with you in every one of my lifetimes?” He chuckled but there were no humor behind it.

Sooji furrowed her eyebrow. “Yeonjun, what are you saying?”

“My mind is a dark place too, Jiji. I think we all are.” He muttered. It was another topic.

Sooji continued staring at the sea while listening to Yeonjun, making her feel at ease during this conversation.

“You make the bad thoughts go away... when I talk to you, my mind just stops thinking about them and focuses only to you. And even though I overthink about you like how should I treat you? or does this makes you comfortable? At least it’s about you.”

The waves crashed the same way her heart did. “God, Yeonjun. I didn’t know.”

“I was having a bad month but when you called me yesterday... it just felt like I could breathe again.”

Sooji bit her lip to stop herself from saying anything. This was his moment to let out his unspoken thoughts. She was processing Yeonjun’s feelings while intertwining their hands, reminding that she was here for him.

“I’m alright now, love. Don’t worry. We all have our bad days. And it’s the moments like this that we should hold on to.” Yeonjun advised but it felt like he was saying it to himself. Nevertheless, it was applicable to the both of them.

“Thank you for making me feel loved.” Sooji blurted out as she pushed her face to kiss his cheek.

“Never in a second that I will make you feel otherwise.” Yeonjun stated, smiling but it slowly faded. Sooji could feel his hesitation when he said that but she pushed it out of her thoughts. “Do you trust me?”

“I wouldn’t be here if I don’t.” Sooji answered, letting out a laugh to point out that she wouldn’t come with him to a place three hours away from Seoul if she didn’t trust him.

“Please, continue to trust me.” 

Sooji nodded but she was preoccupied, feeling a little uneasy now that he begged said that. Though, she shook the bad feeling. Contemplating that it’s just probably her mind overthinking. 

“I got scolded again.” Sooji started her rant. It felt like it’s a good cue to start another conversation. “During rehearsals.”

“What happened?” Yeonjun asked, tilting his head on her direction. She felt his warm breathing, he was inches away from her neck. In her peripheral vision, Sooji could see the way his eyes traveling through outlines of her face as if he was learning how to read her just by looking.

“I don’t really know. I was confused at first until he pointed out my facial expression.” Sooji shrugged. “I’ll do better.”

“It’s okay to rest, lover.” He said ironically like he wasn’t a workaholic himself. 

Sooji shook her head in disapprove. “I want to show off my skills.” 

“You will.” He smiled before placing a light kiss on her shoulder. “I can’t wait to watch you become the best version of yourself.”

“There’s no best version, Yeonjun. I will always strive myself to do better.” Sooji contended. “That goes out being your partner too.”

“You’re already enough for me.” 

Sooji smiled at his assurance. She sighed when she recalled what they were talking about. “But then I don’t think I’ll ever stop trying to exceed their expectations.” 

Yeonjun hummed as if he understood. “You’re going through a lot, baby. It’s completely normal not to be a hundred percent all of the time.” 

Sooji envy him a lot. For the whole four years of him being a trainee, he had not stepped down even on the second place. He was always there. At the top. she wonder how does it feel to be always there? How does it feel to be everybody’s favorite without having to surpass their standards but your own? What’s more pressuring? Their expectations or your own?

“I’m never a hundred percent.” Sooji argued.

“You could be negative zero and I’d still think you’re a fucking blessing to this universe.” 

“You’re only saying that because you’re in love with me.” Sooji unjustified his biased opinion.

“Oh, baby... you don’t know what it feels like to be in love with you.” He retorted, playing with the thread of the bracelet he gifted her.

“And for what it’s worth, I don’t think you have disappointed me.” He added, kissing her forehead even on an awkward position. “I don’t think you ever will.”

Sooji smiled at him, intertwining their hands. “Can I ask something?”

“Always.” said Yeonjun, pulling her closer against his chest.

“You’re extroverted yourself, Yeonjun. How could you settle for a relationship you can’t speak about?” Sooji asked lightly, signaling that she was open for any reactions.

“We’re literally idols, Jiji. I don’t think I can speak at all.” He said as a matter of fact— but it felt like there was more to it too. 

There was more to it, clearly, but Sooji couldn’t point out.

“And it’s not being extroverted too. You could be extroverted and still choose what to share to other people. I don’t need a love that is loud. I just need a love that supports me in my highs and lows.” Yeonjun said as he caressed her cheek. “I just need a love that is there.”

“I’m always there.”

At this moment, Sooji clarified her feelings. A moment of realization strikes her as she looked at him, with startling clarity at how badly she wanted this, this right here...

And how badly it was gonna hurt when it’s gone.

Chapter Text

YEONJUN

you have the most gorgeous smile, my it girl. i hope you get to use it a lot today 

<3 yeonjunie

Sooji didn’t reply, they had their agreement not to message each other before a performance but Yeonjun, being the clingy boyfriend he was, broke it. Though, Sooji couldn’t help but smiled in instinct before she placed her phone back to her bag to prepare for the show. After months of practice, this was their last promotion for their debut single. It’s not like they would stop performing it, but they would have more songs to focus on aside from WANT IT and DALLA DALLA.

“Ji?” Areum, her personal stylist, called. 

Sooji was close to Areum ever since they met each other. Areum was easy-going and fun to talk to. One of the things Sooji like about her was that she always knew when to pull her out for a conversation or just stay quiet while she took care of her. Areum was the one that fought hard to keep her own style and let her fashion be so yes, she was comfortable with her.

Sooji turned her head from the locker, done from wearing her first stage clothes. They had two performances but there was a big gap to give way to other soloists and CHUNG HA because she had other schedule to attend to. Before the latter, their backstage interview will be held first. It’s like an official introduction for the 4th generation groups- TXT, STRAY KIDS, and IZ*ONE.

IZ*ONE.

Right.

Whatever. Sooji internally poked her head to keep her sanity, sitting on the chair where her hair and make up would be done.

“You look blooming, Ji-sshi.” Areum teased as she clipped Sooji’s hair away from her face.

Sooji chuckled when she watched Areum wiggling her eyebrows. “Good night sleep.” 

Areum hummed, still suspicious. She changed the topic elsewhere, telling her about what she planned on her look today. Sooji just listened to her since she had no objections with style she wanted to achieve. She trusted Areum that muh.

For WANT IT, their theme was the same street fashion but more grudge. She was wearing black cropped top with different colors of graffiti sprayed on it, flaming red high-waisted shorts, and knee level leather boots. Areum styled her face into a more charismatic look. Her jet black hair was exposing more of her glamour even in a sleek high ponytail.

Getting off stage with their adrenaline still kicking in. Sooji breathed heavily in and out, the usual way that she could keep her asthma from attacking after a performance. She bowed politely at the staffs before getting out to get changed. They still had a backstage interview and DALLA DALLA to perform. And their day was just starting.

Manager Hayi was with them as they walked through the long aisle with Yuna beside her and the others in front of them, Sooji saw Yeonjun and Hueningkai walking towards them. They were still in their casual clothes. The break was long, anyway.

Hayi was busy talking to Yeji about something. Yuna cleared her throat when the two gentleman were near them. ITZY was already bowing to them. Hueningkai looked at Sooji after tearing his eyes off the girls. He smiled widely but kept it on for theirselves, just in case someone would want to create a malicious content about it. They had to keep it lowkey.

Yuna and Sooji bowed to them as well. Yeonjun even attempted to wink but he failed, causing Hueningkai to let out his dolphin laugh echoing the hall. Sooji chuckled quietly too, her back was already turned against their direction. She was aware ever since that Yeonjun had difficulties at winking; because he asked for some help from Sooji but he still couldn’t do it. In the end, he would just play around and try it foolishly. Yeonjun told her it was because he wanted to make her laugh.

They were almost at their dressing room when IZ*ONE appeared, walking out from their own assigned room. They greeted each other politely before their members walked out. Suddenly, Chaewon was the last one out of their room. There was no bad blood between them. She bowed at her with smile on her face. People would always mistake her for being snob because of her resting bitch face so she wanted to look friendly at least. 

Chaewon blinked twice when she scanned her from her head to toe before bowing to her members, not her, and trailed behind her own. The girls and Sooji exchanged looks like they were having a telepathic conversation. Sooji raised her shoulders to express ignorance and to just drop it. 

Areum retouched her make up after Sooji changed into her new set of stage costume. She was busy memorizing her line for the interview later. The girls wouldn’t stop teasing her about it in modest matter since their staffs were here. They would look at her in the mirror as Sooji stated her script and they would share laughs. Sometimes, Sooji would join them too out of nervousness. 

“Aigoo, our Choi Sooji is hardworking today!” Lia provoked in a playful way. 

“Lia, have you memorized yours?” Yeji talked back, obviously want to start a something.

“Why should I? It’s short and I have it all in her head. It’s not like I need to memorize because I’m nervous... Right, Ji-sshi?” fired Lia, making the girls laugh in unison.

“Yah...” Sooji groaned in embarrassment, hiding her face behind the placard that she will use. Areum quickly spat it off her face, saying the make up would be ruined. 

A minute before their broadcast starts. All of them were already here, ready for the camera to roll. It was cute when both of their groups’ themes contradicted with each other. ITZY was sporting the rebellious school girl look for DALLA DALLA while TXT looked like classy men in blue and gray suits. They were awarded for being the Hot Rookie of the First Half.

Their members were busy laughing at each other. Yes, they were already best of friends since the screening yesterday. Thank Yeonjun and Sooji for being the bridge since all they did was make fun of them. 

Sooji tried to focus but there were so many things happening in one time. Yeonjun’s visual did not help at all. Styled gray hair, exposed forehead, in a dark blue suit associated with the same color plus red and white tie. He was wearing black horn-rimmed eyeglasses too.

Am I a joke to him? Sooji kept thinking.

“Stay focused, Sooji-sshi.” She heard Yeonjun whispered when he caught her checking him out.

Sooji looked at him with irritation. His lips formed into a smirk. Before she could retaliate, the director already counted down. Sooji pulled herself out and focused on her script.

When the cue dropped, Yeonjun and Sooji used the placard to hid ourselves for a second before putting it down and leaned on each other sideways like what they had to do.

“Ta-da!”

Even in the backstage, they could hear how the audience were going feral. Sooji didn’t want to assume but she assumed she heard their ship name being screamed.

“Yeonjun who appeared at the waiting room!” He greeted in joy. 

“And I, who appeared at the same waiting room, Sooji-imnida!” Sooji greeted, looking at the camera before giving a glimpse to Yeonjun. “Who wants to go first?”

“As if I’d ever stood a chance against you, Sooji-sshi.” He commented in a flirty way, playing the script. Sooji could hear light chuckles from behind them. “Why are we here?”

“ITZY and TOMORROW X TOGETHER were chosen as Music Bank’s New Artist in the half of 2019!” Sooji answered, proudly clapping her hands.

They all let out a congratulatory noises. Yeonjun and Sooji positioned ourselves beside their respective groups to introduce in front of the camera. 

“Wow... you’re all dressed good! What can you say about TOMORROW X TOGETHER’s style today?” Yeonjun asked after they introduced ourself.

Hueningkai held the microphone to speak. “Manners maketh man.”

“That’s right! It’s our first time showing this side of us so make sure to stay tuned for our performance later! We’ve prepared, especially for you!” said Soobin, with his bunny teeth grinning widely as he tried to interact.

“I’ve never seen this side of TXT before. Everyone, we should watch their performance later!” Sooji commented. “Anyway, ITZY’s preparing a special stage too!”

“We prepared a performance that we hadn’t done in a music show.” Yeji stated, her charismatic side showing even just by speaking.

Lia raised her hand like a student reciting in class. “Of course! If I give a spoiler-” 

“No!” Chaeryeong exclaimed.

“That’s for later!” Yuna reminded.

Ryujin let out a dramatic sigh. “TXT, last words to say to your fans?”

“Ah, yes. Everyone! Look forward with ITZY’s charm and TXT’s classy special stages!” Taehyun added.

“Just a wait a little more.....” Beomgyu trailed.

“See you!” They simultaneously said before the camera stopped shooting.

They said their farewells since they’d be going up the stage pretty quick. Their microphone devices still needed to be installed. Yeonjun and Sooji did their handshake fast too. They had it improvised when they were back at the beach. Their hands, that was formed into a ILY sign, would meet each other before sticking their pinkies into a promise sign. Yeonjun had big brain about sign languages.

Sooji ran up to the staff after. The members were still teasing them by letting out either a mocking whistle or sound.

“Let’s just skip the party.”

“No.” Sooji kept her ground, pushing him away. “You won the hottest rookie award, you have to stay here with your group.”

They were at the after party for the half year special. It’s not a formal party and rather like a college one, just the 4th generation groups. The setting was like a house party. To be honest, Sooji didn’t really know who set this up. She just got dragged last minute and now she’s with Yeonjun in the kitchen, currently away from the wild crowd. 

“I want to ditch with you and go somewhere.” He stubbornly implied, whining with little whimpering noises.

“Yeonjunie, my man!” Sooji heard someone shouted, which was unsurprising since the speakers were loud enough to hear from the living room.

“Woo,” Yeonjun greeted, shifted from pouting to sporting a grinned smile. It was Wooyoung from ATEEZ. Yeonjun once mentioned him, he told her he was his best friend. And Sooji saw him earlier too.

They shook their hands before Wooyoung looked at her. “Sooji from ITZY, right?” 

Sooji bowed and smiled. “Yes. Nice to meet you.”

“I’m guessing you’re friends with Yeonjun because of Soobin? He’s your brother.” said Wooyoung before taking a sip of his drink.

Yeah, it was basically cheat day for them. It was a tradition of idols that whenever it’s half year, a gathering will be held according to your own generation. Sorta like a free day before another half of the year starts.

For them. But ITZY? The girls had to continue practicing for ICY since they would be leaving in a few days for Los Angeles. 

“Excuse you. She’s the love of my life.” Yeonjun scoffed, showing that he was offended. Sooji was leaning to the kitchen counter and he took a step towards her to snake his hand on her waist, proudly showing off to Wooyoung.

Wooyoung and her eyes widened at his action. Sooji got a bit conscious about someone else knowing about their relationship so she kept a good distance between them.

Wooyoung basically choked from his drink when he heard Yeonjun’s statement. “Fuck you, Choi! You didn’t tell me?!” 

“Probably slipped from my mind.” casually answered by Yeonjun, shrugging his shoulders.

“Fucker’s hella lucky. Better have your sight on to the lady, my guy. You never know who’ll steal her.” Wooyoung commented, patting Yeonjun’s back. 

“As if I’d let anyone.” Yeonjun said with smug but with a hint of possessiveness. He looked at their before winking. Good attempt, though.

“Asshole got a girlfriend but still doesn’t know how to wink! What a loser. Anyway, Jun, gotta roam. It was nice meeting you too, Sooji. Don’t have too much fun, kids!” Wooyoung said, chuckling at his own antics. Sooji assumed he’s already tipsy at how he was walking horribly.

“You told him about us...” Sooji pointed out when they were alone again.

Yeonjun patted her head. “Wooyoung would never tell a soul.” 

“I think I’m going now to find the girls. We have rehearsals tomorrow.” Sooji informed.

As if on cue, Ryujin went inside with Beomgyu, who looked like he was having a time of his life.

“The fuck, Beomgyu? Are you drunk?” Yeonjun asked, his hyung instincts jumping out.

“Where’s Soobin?” Sooji asked too. Even though, they already met up earlier and took a selfie.

Even if it’s a party, minors aren’t allowed to drink. It’s one of the challenges of self-discipline here too. Sooji understood where Yeonjun was coming from. He was the only one in legal age in TXT, the weight of responsibility was on his shoulders.

“Didn’t drink, YJ. Calm down.” Beomgyu said, laughing out loud at Yeonjun’s outburst. “We were playing Just Dance and Ryujin asked for my help to find you.” 

“We’re going back to the dorm-”

“Boo! Party poopers!” cut out by Beomgyu. That’s why he was chaotic beside Ryujin when they went inside the room earlier. He probably trash talked them for going so early. 

Ryujin rolled her eyes in annoyance towards Beomgyu before looking at the couple again. “But if you want to stay, it’s okay.” 

“We’ll ditch the party but I’ll get her home.” Yeonjun insisted with determination in his eyes.

“Ahaaaaaa YJ!” Beomgyu shouted again, lifting his hand to high-five Yeonjun. Yeonjun stared at him with lips formed in thick line before accepting the gesture out of pity.

“Aren’t you drunk?” Sooji asked Yeonjun. 

He got pulled in a beer pong game with Wooyoung against San, and even Changbin who she didn’t know he was close with. Sooji watched them from afar but she could still see Yeonjun lifting his head towards her direction, attempting to send a wink with the audacity to smirk whenever he shoots a ball into a cup.

His dynamics with Wooyoung was great comparing with the other two that was playing cats and dogs whenever someone would miss a shot. Nevertheless, they won.

“I have high alcohol tolerance, lover.” Yeonjun answered.

Beomgyu faked vomiting on the side while Ryujin nodded at Yeonjun and turned her head towards her direction. “Yeji can drive your car?”

Sooji shook her head in disapproval. She wanted to let Yeonjun have his fun considering that he was a social butterfly himself and tonight was his only free time to communicate with other people. If Sooji was going to stay here, Yeonjun would just go boyfriend-mode, and she can’t have that.

“I’m tired from the performance and we’re waking up early tomorrow. I need to sleep.” Sooji said, looking at Yeonjun who was pouting hard.

She pushed herself from the kitchen counter and started walking behind Ryujin and Beomgyu. People greeted them as they passed by them. Some even stopped Yeonjun to have a short talk. 

“Choi Yeonjun, come over here!” Changbin shouted, taking over the sound systems. He suddenly stopped the song to announce. On the spur of the moment, the people around them stared with drunk and playful faces. 

“You don’t have to be clingy, Jingjingie.” Yeonjun retorted. 

“Ji, let’s dance.” Hyunjin came beside her. The girls were waiting behind him but they looked amused by the scene.

“She’s going home.” Yeonjun answered, throwing dagger looks at Hyunjin. Sooji was getting uncomfortable being the center of attention. The anxiety of all these people knowing about her relationship with Yeonjun and spreading it wasn’t helping too.

“No one’s going home until you have fun!” Wooyoung exclaimed in the middle of the crowd. Yes, he’s wasted.

“How about a showdown?” San suggested as he gritted his teeth in excitement.

“With who?” Sooji asked in a little voice as she tried to gain her confidence. This was a dance showdown after all.

Changbin scanned the room, finding someone. “Anyone from LOONA?” 

“We’ll pass on that.” Haseul chuckled, stating they were contented with watching.

“IZ*ONE then? Don’t be a chicken. I granted them that cause they already showed down with G-IDLE earlier.” Changbin pursued.

Sooji got shocked when their members pushed Chaewon in the middle of the crowd. Her girls automatically hovered beside her, pushing Yeonjun behind her back. 

“Ji.” She heard Ryujin called but instead of a concerned tone, it felt like she was taking pride.

Yeji put her arms on top of her shoulder before she whispered. “Kick ass.” 

Crowd was piling more. The music was playing to the intro beat of HAVANA. 

Damn.

She felt Yeonjun’s hand subtly touched her back. He leaned on after Yeji removed her arm. 

“I can dash you out of here if you’re uncomfortable. I don’t give a fuck on what they’ll say.” Yeonjun stated in deep voice. 

Sooji shook her head to assure him. Besides, Sooji wanted to communicate with others too. Being an introvert that she was, she thought this was the only way she could.

And so, she did.

Sooji jumped at the first verse. HAVANA was a salsa-inspired mid-tempo pop song with R&B-pop beats so she adjusted her dancing style. It wasn’t hard for her since Sooji had already trained various genres with herself and Yeonjun. But the hard part was the freestyle. Sooji could never learn how fast Yeonjun could think of extempored dance moves. 

Sooji calculated her movements, preventing herself from looking too trying hard since it was a common mistake during freestyles. She used her hips and hands a lot to create a good impression. On the next beats, Sooji experimented snappy movements yet smooth textures. Little by little, she applied her own version of the song: hip-hop but graceful, her favorite.

Back then, Sooji was already in love with the street-style concept and powerful moves like Jeongguk. So when she started to train with him, the bangtan member helped her enhanced it. Though about her elegant side too and she was guilty that Jimin and Yeonjun influenced her a lot. Sooji wasn’t like this until she met them. She thought both styles would contradict each other but it made her the dancer she was today.

Second verse was cue for Chaewon to start invading the dance floor. She started freestyling, getting the spotlight in the middle. Sooji payed respect and let her have it while she watched her moves. Thinking what she should do next. 

Chaewon was a great dancer, of course. Why wouldn’t she when she’s an idol? Sooji was aware that she’s also the lead dancer. Unlike what Sooji did, instead of focusing on the whole body, mainly the hips and hands, Chaewon used amazing isolations, creating her own version of the song. Sooji liked her technique and flow too.

Sooji heard cheers getting louder when they both danced to the chorus, having different ways but they had a good amount of chemistry. It wasn’t hard to adjust the intensity of the dance during that part since it was light for her but the minor details matter too. All Sooji did was to focus on being accurate with her moves since she was maintaining her preferred version. Also, Sooji didn’t use much of her facial expressions but it was there by instincts. 

Before Sooji knew it, the song stopped and everyone clapped for them. There was no ranking to avoid any negative outcomes. It was a friendly showdown. Sooji bowed and smiled to her before she hurriedly went out of the crowd’s sight. ITZY was cheering for her. Yeonjun stood by the side of his members which was literally beside her own. Sooji could conclude that TXT and ITZY became best friends, seeing how close they were.

“Won’t the legendary trainee give us a go?” Changbin shouted, supported by Yeonjun’s other friends. Yeah, friends. Basically, almost half of the people in the room. 

Yeonjun smiled at the idea but his gaze turned to her and switched into boyfriend-mode, that Sooji wasn’t enthusiastic about. Telepathy speaking, she thought he was concerned about the time spent and that he had to walk her out. So she signaled at Yeonjun, giving him assurance that she would be here to watch. He grinned broadly as his friends pulled him in the middle. The crowd was cheering again for him. 

BILLIE EILISH’s BAD GUY played as the background music. And being the legendary trainee he was, he flawlessly executed freestyle along the song. The floor may have a limited space but he still stood up so well with his charm. Yeonjun was a fluid dancer himself. His hips moved with grace and flexibility, making his dancing flow smoothly and effortlessly. And the way he controlled his body was outstanding that he could generate boneless executions. His visual exposed, seducing the audience with his teasing facial expression that fit the vibe of the song.

“Your man, Ji.” Ryujin commented from her side. 

Sooji couldn’t help but her lips formed into a proud smile.

That’s my man.

My it boy.

Sooji’s eyes widened as her cheeks felt red and hot when Yeonjun started grinding on the floor, literally grinding. Like he was thrusting using his hips and bit his lips the whole time. The crowd went extra wild and people were pushing each other because of the sexy move Yeonjun used as an ending fairy. He stood up, shyly covering his face as he ran towards on Sooji’s direction. 

They said their farewells to them and some even gave her a hug, complimenting her about the dance showdown. Sooji waved at Chaewon. She just nodded and smiled as she continued staring at Yeonjun’s hand that was unconsciously on Sooji’s waist. Some people gave looks on it too but they didn’t say any comments about it.

“Stop pouting, Yeonjun, really.” Sooji deadpanned when she looked back at him. “Enjoy this party, okay? We can meet up tomorrow after the rehearsal. Is that okay with you?”

He sighed before nodding, opening the car door for her. “I’ll take you to dinner tomorrow. Drive safely.”

Sooji hummed as a reply. The girls and Sooji got inside the car. They were busy chatting about the party, and how it sucked that they couldn’t stay. Yeonjun leaned to give her a kiss on the forehead, telling her to drive safely.

“Oh, there you are!” Hyunjin exclaimed. Sooji went out for a bit to get some water in the refrigerator at their lobby, still catching her breath from the routine they did. 

“Hey, why are you here? I thought you don’t have practice?” She asked, opening the cooling appliance.

“Got beeped about KCON in Los Angeles so I basically ran over here t take an extra vocal lesson. I’m obviously shitting myself.” Hyunjin said in exaggeration.

“You too? We’re going there next week to film our music video.”

“No, not like now. The KCON’s set on August but we were already confirmed to perform. I heard your schedule is being fixed.” stated Hyunjin, taking a sip from his coffee.

“Hayi-nim’s not saying anything so...” Sooji trailed, shrugging her shoulders.

“You’re performing there. I’m treating pork belly if I’m wrong.” Hyunjin remarked positively.

“I’m going to break your kneecaps if you’re wrong.” Sooji playfully threatened, drinking the water after.

“Okay then if I’m right, you’ll be my airplane slash LA buddy.” He challenged, moving his eyebrows vertically.

Sooji rolled her eyes. “Fine. As if we’re going to be allowed.”

“Damn, I’m thrilled!” Hyunjin said in excitement. “We wouldn’t be uncomfortable now, right? Since you know...”

He shifted his weight awkwardly. Sooji eyes furrowed at his body language, curiosity began to cloud her mind. “Since what?”

“Since you guys break up? I was surprised to see you were in good terms with him last night after what happened.” said Hyunjin with concerned tone.

“We-”

“Choi Sooji! If you don’t get your ass back here—” Yeji shouted across the hallway, her head peeking from the door.

Sooji quickly bowed to Hyunjin to politely dismiss their conversation. He still had the worried look on his face. Maybe he was still pertaining to the issue that happened between Yeonjun and Chaewon.

“We’ll be leaving in two days.” Sooji informed. 

Yeonjun and Sooji were chilling at Cheonggyecheon Stream. As promised, he fetched her from work and drove here. Since it was night, the stream turned into a entertainment hotspot with musicians scattered along the area and impressive water light shows. They were disguised properly, and Sooji wanted to stroll around but her legs were giving up on her. Yeonjun suggested to sit down and opt for sightseeing instead. Besides, they were surrounded by amazing art: sculptures, stoneworks, etc. that she was satisfied.

“Our flight is on thursday.” Yeonjun said before taking a bite to his tteobeokki. He did his little dance of happiness whenever he got to eat his food. Sooji felt devastated at the sight. He was so cute.

But then, Sooji’s eyebrows curled in curiosity. “What? Where?” 

“New York.” Yeonjun answered in a casual tone. He fed her a piece of hotteok, that they bought from the street-food stand, and put it inside her mouth.

Sooji chewed it, tasting the flavors of brown sugar and cinnamon. It was her favorite street food. “For what?”

“KCON.” 

Sooji swore she almost choked on her food when Yeonjun said that. “KCON New York? Oh my god! That’s in MSG— that’s insane! I’m happy for you!”

Sooji hugged him from the side carefully since the food were placed down between them. Sooji clapped her hands in excitement. Yeonjun’s lips lifted up at her reaction.

“55,000 spectators, Jiji. I think I am going insane.”

“Just show them what you got and enjoy, Yeonjunie. It’s more than what they will expect.” Sooji assured him, patting his thigh as a sign of support.

Yeonjun nodded and smiled but it wasn’t genuine. Sooji caught glimpse as it faded.

“Are you that troubled? It’s going to be okay.” Sooji said, trying to find his lost gaze.

“I-It’s not about that...” 

“Then what are you thinking of?”

“Nothing.” He said with hesitation.

Sooji sighed, understanding that he probably needed space.

“I’m just here if you want to talk about it...” Sooji said, giving him a reassuring smile.

He smiled sadly. “It’s fine. As long as you’re here, it’s fine.”

It’s worrying to watch him like this for Sooji. Yeonjun was always honest with her when it came to his problems: whether it be about not reaching his own expectations or their group. Unlike her, Yeonjun was ready to share his troubles. Now that he was acting so problematic about something but not telling her, it felt so wrong for her.

It’s like a drastic storm that was about to come in their way and they weren’t prepared. And so, Sooji was starting to think that liking someone this much meant living in constant fear that they will slip away.

“Let’s go.” Yeonjun induced after reading a message from his phone.

“It’s only nine?” Sooji said in confusion while cleaning up their trashes.

He stood up and helped Sooji get up from her sit. “Eomma wants to meet you.” 

Her eyes widened in fear, her heart thumping rapidly. “What?”

“Come on...” He chuckled, cheekbones moving in amusement. His arm found its way to her waist as he guided them to his car. Sooji thought of how bad the outfit she was wearing: oversized plaid button-up shirt, black leggings, and white converse. Sooji was panicking internally while he was driving calmly. She wanted to spank that smirk of his plastered throughout the ride.

They arrived at Saebyukjib, a restaurant famous for korean barbecue. It was near from JYP Entertainment and some of the people she knew at work had already been here. As usual, they settled on a seat where it was hidden from other customers. Sooji had gotten used to this set up already.

Sooji was staring at the window when Yeonjun stood up. Her eyes fell on a fine woman in front of them. She was in a work outfit and she screamed elegance at the sight. Like Yeonjun, she looked so intimidating until she smiled warmly.

“Eomma.” Yeonjun greeted with the exact expression. “This is my girlfriend, Sooji.”

“Mrs. Choi.” Sooji bowed, placing both her arms down along with her body as she avoided eye contact. It’s a common etiquette.

“Eomeonim is fine.” Yeonjun’s mother said, initiating a friendly handshake. Sooji took it nervously. Yeonjun and his mother laughed at her action before sitting. “Junie, did you order?”

Yeonjun shook his head. “We waited for you both.”

Both?

Yeonjun’s phone rang. He looked at it before speaking. “I’m sorry, I have to get this.”

Yeonjun’s mother told him it was okay while Sooji nodded lightly. He placed a light kiss on her forehead before walking away, leaving her cheeks flushed.

“I’ve heard a lot of things about you.” The elder woman started the conversation, she could feel how tensed Sooji was. “That kid... he talks about you constantly.”

Sooji shifted from her seat, conscious at the way she was observing her.

“One day, I was shocked. He called me in the middle of her work and he was telling, no, he rapped over something about blood. Mother of Christ, I almost had a heart attack!” She laughed at the memories, even putting her hand where her heart was located. “Then it hit me when he calmed down and said he needed help about menstruation.”

Sooji quickly remembered the day that she was having a bad dysmenorrhea and Yeonjun sent a package through express delivery. Realizing that Yeonjun was always there for her, Sooji reddened at her statement, wanting to hide her face but she didn’t want to come off rude. 

“Since then, whenever he called, he would gushed about you. Jiji performed. Jiji danced. Jiji did this. Jiji did that.” She went on, smiling at the words she was spilling out. “You know, Yeonjun wasn’t the type to commit into relationships. He was always busy with his career for the past years. So focused about debuting.”

Oh my god, was this the moment where the mother tells her to break up with his son to get his focus back?

“Then you came along. I’ve never seen him the happiest.” 

Sooji wasn’t the type to cry but at this moment, She genuinely want to let out happy tears. All this time, She had been thinking how bad she was at being Yeonjun’s partner. Overthinking about how horrible she was treating him because Yeonjun would just give and give and give without asking for anything in return.

“Yeonjun is the embodiment of healing. I coined him that nickname because whenever I look at him, I felt at peace. I was getting worried if Yeonjun has his own healing person because he deserves someone like him in this world.” She stated with pure truth. “He met you. Basing from my mother instincts, he already found his person.”

“If that’s the case, I feel the same way about him. He’s my person too.”

She smiled kindly. “I heard you’re an idol too. I’ve seen you on the news.”

Sooji swallowed deeply at the thought of her seeing her recent dating scandal. “Yes, Ma’am.”

“Eomeonim.” She corrected sternly before changing with enthusiasm again. “It’s okay. I understand what’s happening with your relationship and don’t worry about me meddling because I won’t. I’m just here to support the both of you.”

Sooji smiled with gratitude. “Thank you.” 

“When he was a kid, he would always say he’d marry his first love... that he wants it to be the last. He’s always been the romantic, my Yeonjun.” 

Sooji grinned in awe, imagining about Yeonjun’s childhood. Being the love preacher he was still, showing affectionate to everyone he knew. Then, her heart shattering at the idea of him taking care of others but not himself. Until, Sooji remembered their getaway when she vowed at him that she would always be there.

“Are you ready to spend your life with my son?”

Sooji cleared her throat to delay her time to answer. She needed more time to think of a good reply to question. 

“I—” 

“I’m so sorry, I’m late!”

Hearing the familiar voice, Sooji swore her eyes expanded their sizes like an owl’s.

“Eomma?” Sooji stood up. She went to her and hugged her tightly. Yeonjun gestured her to sit beside Sooji but to their surprise, Sooyoung sat beside Yeonjun’s mother. Their cheeks even touched as a greeting like they knew each other very well. They talked for a while while Sooji sat there, dazed by the sight.

“They’re friends.” Yeonjun whispered beside her.

Sooji looked at him, eyes full of questions. “Since when?” 

“They met when Soobin and I were still trainees... became best friends. I don’t know, just clicked?” Yeonjun shrugged his shoulder. He put his opposite elbow on top of the desk and let his chin rest on it while scanning Sooji’s face shamelessly.

“I went to Soobin to drop off some groceries, Yeonjun. Feel free to get some of his, okay? Message me if he doesn’t let you.” Sooyoung pursued which made Yeonjun laughed and made sure to reply his gratefulness.

Throwing her nervousness in starting off conversations, Sooji asked. “Have you decided on what you’d like to order?”

Yeonjun smiled at her, his rosy tangerine-slices-like lips pulling back to revealing teeth before he leaned closer to whisper. “Are you on the menu?”

Sooji gulped as she took a glance on the eyes of their mothers staring at them, endeared at the sight of two lovers.

“Yeonjun,” Sooji silently scolded, threatening him to stop flirting in front their own parents.

He resigned himself back to his normal position with smirk still playing on his lips. They settled on pork and beef barbecue. Of course, Yeonjun ordered his own spicy ramen and even a lot of kimchi. He knew Sooji liked kimchi so much.

Sooyoung smiled widely when she caught Yeonjun fixing her bracelet because it was loose. “So I see you’re dating my daughter now, Yeonjun-ah.” 

“Oh would you look how struck down my boy is.” Yeonjun’s mother laughed, teasing Yeonjun who immediately pouted.

Sooyoung turned her head towards Sooji’s direction. “I didn’t tell you when he went to our house and asked for my blessing and Soobin’s, right?”

Sooji blinked rapidly before shaking my head. “When was that?”

“You remember the week before you officially trained as a member and not a trainee? Yeah... it was during that time.” Yeonjun answered, avoiding her eyes, a bit nervous of how Sooji would react about it.

“You went to our house?” Sooji repeated, sounding accusingly.

“Yeonjun wanted to see you but you were so beaten up from practice. He left with your brother when he was finished getting his extra clothes.” Sooyoung answered to cease the fire that was about to lit up.

Sooji’s lips prodded lightly at the thought. “You didn’t wake me up.”

Yeonjun patted her head. Sooji saw two pairs of eyes shaping into a heart at their sight. “You had a tiring week. Why would I disturb your rest?” 

“How did you meet?” Yeonjun’s mother interfered. Sooji straightened up her posture back again, still intimidated by her presence. 

“I visited their dorm last year-”

Sooyoung cut her daughter off, objecting. “Last year? I disagree. Yeonjun-ah, no?” 

Yeonjun let out a chuckle but he didn’t respond anything more, it was a sign for Sooyoung to continue her story.

“I guess, you weren’t aware of his little crush on you?” Sooyoung started. Sooji’s brows furrowed curiously. “It was during the hectic month of Soobin. When he was moving to their dorm— their first dorm? Before they got picked to be TXT.” 

Sooji nodded, pre-occupied by her thoughts. Thinking back, she couldn’t remember any of Yeonjun’s presence in their dorm. The day she visited Soobin’s dorm last year was the first time she actually had seen him in person.

“I saw this kid who was staring profoundly at you whenever we visit your brother. As days go by, he looked more and more infatuated so I confronted him about it.”

“He got shy, didn’t he? Yeonjun was always appealing to people but he flips out when someone flirts with him!” Yeonjun groaned at his mother’s statement.

“Yeonjun was blushing so red! But here’s the thing... he confessed to me that he has a crush on Soobin’s sister.” Sooyoung revealed. Yeonjun looked comfortable at the topic but he still refused to look at her.

“Now, I understand why he kept whispering at you when we see each other.” Yeonjun’s mother commented.

Sooyoung laughed. Sooji assumed something passed by her mind. “He’s always asking where’s Sooji while my daughter is busy with her own practice that’s why she wasn’t visiting Soobin often that time.” 

Sooji cleared her throat awkwardly. “Why didn’t I know about this?” 

“I’ve been giving you hints about it but you’re too dense, I didn’t push it. I even slipped when Ryujin caught us in your room and you didn’t ask.” Yeonjun defended himself, leaning back on his chair to relax his stance.

“Shut up, you whipped man. Do you want me to tell her that I caught you staring at her like a highschool student pining at his crush?”

“I’ve been pining for my bestfriend’s sister for years now. You aren’t wrong there.”

“Oh.” Was the only word left out of her mouth.

“Wait... caught where?”

“Yeonjun, you, young man, we will talk after this.” 

Yeonjun and her eyes widened as if they were deers caught in light. He placed his hands in front of them as a sign of defense. “No! No... Jiji’s members called me so I went to their dorm and found her in her room— she was having a stomachache! Nothing happened!”

And because of one wrong statement that got spilled, their mothers lectured them about safe sex and teenage pregnancy (even though, Yeonjun’s turning 21 in a few months) the rest of their time.

Chapter Text

Stars in his eyes.

Sooji looked at him... frightened. There were stars in his eyes but she remembered that the stars they see at night have already died. She could clearly recall what she read in an online article: When looking at stars, you’re actually looking into the past.

Sooji was so scared. Yeonjun never looked like this. He always emitted light in his eyes, shining like the celestial he was. But as she observed him, he looked as if he was a ticking bomb. Like he was running out of time. 

Okay. Maybe it Sooji was overthinking this but she knew him. Her instincts told her so.

“Yeonjun, please. Tell me if something’s wrong...”

Yeonjun put his elbows away from the railing and leaned his back instead. They were at the roof terrace at Namsam Tower after having dinner with their parents. Not to be the cliche couple but they always wanted to go here. To see the sight of Seoul. 

Where they devoted their youth with.

“I told you, don’t worry about me. Can we just enjoy what we have now?” Yeonjun asked with gentle voice. He took Sooji’s hand into his, and his eyes were so serene that Sooji couldn’t resist, but a frown presses in between her eyebrows.

The summer night was bitterly cold as they watched the midnight sky. She held on to her arms to keep herself warm. Yeonjun caught sight of it, then use: his other hand to pull Sooji in closer until they are right in front of each other before turning her so her back would face him. Yeonjun’s legs on both sides of her so that she’s standing in between them. A perfect position for Yeonjun to wrap his arms around Sooji’s waist. As he hugged her from the back, he moved Sooji’s hair away from her neck with his delicate fingers so he could kiss her neck properly.

Sooji let out a sharp exhale and her bottom lip jutted out into a pout from the harsh breath as she looked down at their interlocking hands. The words were comforting, but she wished she could comfort Yeonjun the same way.

“Why are we here?”

He left a passing kiss on her ear. “To be with each other.” 

“Why do we exist, I mean.” Sooji corrected as she looked into the busy city lights, staring while in deep thought.

It’s one of the greatest mysteries in life, wasn’t it? Why were they here? Were they a product of cosmic coincidence or was there really a mighty one watching over them? If there was, what was his plans? What was their purpose? 

“Yes.” 

“Yes?” Her face contorted into confusion. “What do you mean Yes?”

Yeonjun turned her body to face him and stared into her eyes as if he was knocking a door into her soul. “We exist to be with each other, Jiji.”

“And on the next life?” 

It might have seemed to be an off topic but it’s just how they talked to each other. Whether it was a small thing or big, deep or not, if they wanted to talk about it, they would. 

Yeonjun rested his chin on top of her head. “I will find you and love you better.”

Her heart... ached. “You’re already better at it. What more would you want to improve?” 

“If you only knew.”

Sooji was feeling more doubtful. Her intuition was petrifying her for something that was about to happen but she just couldn’t point what was it. “You wouldn’t do anything stupid for me?”

“Like what?” He let out a small chuckle.

“You know... giving anything up for me? You look like you’d do it.” 

This time, Yeonjun’s laugh stormed the whole terrace, dancing amidst the wind that was blowing hard on this fine night. “You’re so full of yourself, aren’t you? Do I make my feelings too obvious?”

Sooji glanced at him while pushing him away slightly. Yeonjun smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes, looking drained yet he kept on a happy face. His head tilted as his gaze turned from her to the sky.

“The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?”

Sooji swallowed hard the forming lump in her throat. Of course, she knew that famous japanese phrase. But why was she feeling uneasy? Like something bad was about to happen? Why were the happiest moments had to be ushered in fear?

“Comeback season next month, huh?” Yeonjun suddenly changed the topic, noticing that she had gone silent.

“Yeah...”

“I have something to tell you and I need you to listen to it, okay?” He said, holding her hand with care as if it was too fragile.

Sooji nodded and looked at him, his heavy stare boring into her.

“If you look in the mirror and hate yourself again... I want you to know that it’s not you.” Yeonjun stated. Her mouth parted as she let out a weighty sigh.

He was talking about how Sooji looked at herself in the practice room. He knew. Yeonjun knew.

“You look at your reflection like your body is tattooed with people’s opinions. I want you to know that it’s not you. You think about their perspective so much that you failed to recognize who you really are, Jiji.”

“Yeonjun,”

But he wasn’t done talking. He held her hand for comfort.

“You’re not seeing the amount of lives you’ve touched with your presence. You’re not seeing that you make them happy- makes us happy. You’re not seeing how strong you really are. Baby, listen to her when I say this...” Yeonjun trailed his sentence, bringing his free hand to cup Sooji’s face, so she’s looking at him attentively.

“You are so much more than what they think you are. Please, believe it.”

Sooji’s eyebrows furrowed. His words struck her but she refused to absorb it. “Why are you telling me this?”

“It’s comeback month.” Yeonjun repeated in a casual tone, shrugging his shoulders. “You know how tough comebacks can get. We’re basically idols, Jiji. Their eyes tend to be lasers during this season. They will always have something to say.”

“So?”

“So?” He imitated, confused at her reply.

“So, why are you telling me this?” Sooji replied barely audibly, and Yeonjun raised a confused eyebrow, putting his hand to rest gently over her arm.

Sooji sucked her lip in, then biting on it. The ugly feeling of familiar panic awakening in her chest, reddening her vision. It had been a long time since she felt the anxiety, and the unpredictable nervous energy was whispering through her body as a warning.

“I just told you-”

“Why are you telling me this as if you’re not gonna be at my side when it happens?” She retorted with booming tone.

Yeonjun’s face fell but he quickly composed himself. “It’s not that-”

“Then what? What is happening, Yeonjun?” She asked, her voice warning.

“N-nothing...” 

“You’re lying to me now?” She accused, words spitting like poisoned blood to Yeonjun’s veins.

He closed his eyes before speaking. “I’m just scared, okay?”

Sooji’s expression softened as she looked at Yeonjun. “Scared of what?” 

“That the same thing will happen when we get out of the country.”

“A dating scandal? Really?” Sooji huffed in disbelief. “I was so worried for that? Yeonjun, I already told you what happened...”

Yeonjun avoided her eyes and leaned on the railings. He blinked blanky in oblivion, his face unreadable.

“I know. That’s why I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Sooji smiled sadly. She couldn’t blame Yeonjun. The thought of getting cheated scared her. And she was only a collateral damage between her parens but it scarred her for life. She couldn’t imagine experiencing it. Hell, every fiber of her being was doubting if she would be able to survive it.

Yeonjun drove her back to the dorm. It was too late and passed her curfew. Sooji didn’t mind, though. It was tiring but at least it kept her mind off idol things, and it’s not like everyday they get to do this. Sooji would be gone for two weeks. Only two. Yeonjun absolutely had nothing to be scared of.

“Jiji,” He called as he pulled out in front of the building.

Sooji stopped from getting out of the car, smiling sheepishly, rubbing her drowsy eyes. “Yes?”

“I hope we never forget why we chose each other.” 

Sooji chuckled, thinking it was another pick up line of Yeonjun.

“Why did you choose me?” She asked, jokingly. 

“Because I love you.”

There was something so fragile in the way Yeonjun said those three words, as if any moment he would disappear.

She stared at him, trying to read him but she was too late when Yeonjun already lifted his lips up into a smirk, contrasting to his dreadful eyes that still looked the same these past few days.

“Good night.” He said and proceeded to kiss her forehead. She could feel Yeonjun’s lips forming into a smile after he rested it there for awhile.

Sooji went out of his car and waved before heading inside. She thought he was going to ask her back... about why did she choose him. But he didn’t. He just smiled. Yeonjun just smiled.

Why must he always give without wanting something back?

Days after, she landed at Los Angeles to work. Yeonjun and Sooji were so busy with their own agenda in different states that she haven’t had time to check him up constantly. They had to rehearse the choreography more before the actual shooting so they were in a practice room rented by their company.

“I’m sorry but I really cannot believe this.” Yeji commented in mixture of disbelief and amusement as she looked at her phone.

Chaeryeong hummed in agreement. “TXT just performed at Madison Square Garden...”

Ryujin clenched her fist in excitement. “I can’t let this sink in, oh god.”

“Ji, your boyfriend’s out there catching hearts of thousands of people.” Lia teased, nudging her shoulder as they waited for the choreographer to call them.

“It’s what he do best.” Sooji proudly stated.

The girls let out a playful howl, slightly imitating the dog barks in CAT & DOG. She laughed because little they know Yeonjun was the one who was in charged of it.

“Are they staying?” Yeji asked before drinking her water.

“Just for KCON.” Sooji answered, standing up when the door opened.

Yeonjun was right. Los Angeles was beautiful. As they strolled around, she was imagining TXT’s pre-debut years. Sooji was mixing Yeonjun’s point of view and Soobin’s daily updates back then.

Shooting for the music video was tiring but it was fun that Sooji didn’t open her SNS even for awhile. Their implemented a strict policy to restrict them from using their personal cellphones for them to focus on the project. Alternatively, they were allowed to use the camera that the management provided for the music video’s behind the scene. It was only for two days and Sooji wasn’t much of a user so she was okay with it. Not to mention, the staffs were too kind and occupying that she had gotten busy conversing with them too.

The filming was already done. All they had to do was maximize the rest of their stay in the city of angels.

“Ji, your phone is ringing.” Yeji informed her before calling the others to give their phones back.

“Oh, I thought I had it turned off. Thanks, Yej.” Sooji smiled. She was in a good mood for a few days because of the light and new atmosphere here.

Yeji winked at her as she handed the phone to Yuna who basically ran towards their direction. Sooji looked at the phone to see her brother was calling her. She even had a lot of missed calls from others too but she didn’t pay anymore attention to it, concluding it was because she forgot to tell them her phone would be confiscated for awhile.

“Yeah?” said Sooji after picking up the call, walking to the balcony to give herself privacy from her other members.

“Why aren’t you answering your phone?!”

Sooji laughed at his worried voice. He had always been like this whenever she didn’t answer his calls. “Why are you angry? Calm down.”

“Are you okay?”

“I am, binnie. Hayi-nim collected our phones the other day. I forgot to tell you.” 

“T-The other d-day?” 

Sooji’s forehead wrinkled at his sudden hesitation. Her phone beeped, it was a message from Sooyoung.

“Yes. Wait, I’m gonna get back to you. Eomma texted me-”

“No!”

“What?”

“D-Don’t read it.”

“Soobin, what did you do?” Sooji asked, misgiving. Her heart suddenly thumped nervously. She took off the phone from her ear without ending the call, still hearing Soobin’s pleadings.

SOOYOUNG

is this true?

[view attachment]

Not articles again. Sooji rolled her eyes, it was probably another rumor. She heaved a bored sigh before opening the link.

But she didn’t expect what she saw.

WE ARE IDOLS

TXT’S Yeonjun and IZ*ONE’s Chaewon are confirmed dating!

Bighit Entertainment, which manages the five-member rookie boy band, TXT, confirmed the relationship, saying that Yeonjun, whose turning 21 next month, “has a romantic interest in her”. Meanwhile, Woolim Entertainment let out a statement of supporting their relationship.

The two lovers were spotted getting out of Bighit’s dormitory last month and netizens had been suspicious ever since. News of the two artists’ relationship circulated today morning after fans spotted IZ*ONE’s Chaewon went to the airport and waited for TXT’s arrival from New York City.

Pictures obtained by netizens also show that Yeonjun drove using his personal car with Chaewon on the passenger seat. (See Here!)

Though both of the agencies confirmed their relationship, the alleged new couple hasn’t spoken about it.

Sooji wanted to laugh. This had too be a joke, right? But no. She looked at the pictures and her own eyes saw that it was Yeonjun himself. 

SOOYOUNG

sooji.

[view attachment]

i am going to your company first thing in the morning and we will fix this.

your name shouldn’t be dragged here.

Another article. It was about the outbreak of the news and some fans were doubting it, saying Sooji had her own relationship with Yeonjun. Some were mad at Yeonjun and accusing him for being a cheater. Even Chaewon got hates. People were talking about it and it shouldn’t even be a big deal to everyone. They were just rookies. 

Sooji closed her eyes and used the railings to support her while she sat on the floor, weakly. The wind blew her hair intensely as if it was comforting her. She didn’t even know what to feel.

“Soobin...” She muttered, putting her phone back to her ears.

“I’m sorry.” 

“Did you know about this?”

“I’m so sorry, Ji-”

“I said! Did you know about this?!”

Sooji’s voice was strained but she kept her cool on. She shouldn’t break down. Not now. But how could she calm down? Yeonjun cheating on her was one thing. But Soobin, her own twin brother, keeping it from her was another. And the fact that those two men were the only men she ever trusted betrayed her. So, no. She would not calm down.

“Y-You should talk to h-him.”

“I don’t care about him—”

She heard a static from the other line.

“Baby...”

Sooji gasped silently, staring at the sky where the sun was starting to rise.

“I-I love you.” 

She threw her phone.

Chapter Text

For Sooji, going home in Seoul had never been so stressful like today. The airport was packed because of ITZY’s fans that were patiently waiting for them to arrive; but also the ones who were still angry about the news. Dating scandal was really a big deal in this industry, huh? It's unfortunate that dating and relationships was often something that can completely spiral out of control and could put an idols' career in jeopardy. It may not be fair but it was what came with the job.

Sooji dyed her hair to pastel ash blue for ICY comeback that she had to hide her appearance by using a hoodie, the mask was mandatory too. However, Seoul assumed that it was because she was affected by the recent hot topic that was going around. Some comments even pointed out that they saw Sooji with puffy eyes when it was natural since she slept too much during the flight.

To be frank, Sooji haven’t even shed a tear since then. Also, she felt bad for blocking the boys’ numbers because they were all flooding her. The girls comforted her after getting the news broke but she didn’t need it. Instead, Sooji focused on their comeback. It was more important for her. (And it distracted her from the reality).

“You, girls, go home. Sooji, I need you to come with me to the office.” Their manager instructed them. 

Sooji bid her farewells to the girls before hopping to the other car. Like her, they looked so tired. But they were given considerations to rest the whole day since they’re attending to a variety show named Knowing Bros.

Getting inside the conference room, her sleepy state suddenly faded when she saw a lot of people. The choreographers, producers, Areum’s stylist team, and Park Jin Young himself. Sooji greeted them with her hands behind her back. 

“Our girl’s here.” Bae Dabin announced with smiles on their faces.

“Goodmorning, Hayi and Sooji. Take a sit.” Jinyoung greeted them briskly, without stalling.

Manager Hayi and Sooji obeyed him. She glanced at Areum who was grinning to her, signaling her that nothing to worry about.

“I won’t make this long since you need to rest. But I want you to know that you’re scheduled to release a single by the end of the year.” 

Sooji’s eyes blinked, confused. She gaped at the sudden announcement while they all sat in front of her with enthusiam in their faces. 

“Oh! The one for MMA?” Manager Hayi spoke brightly.

Jinyoung nodded. “The concept would be showing a person’s external and internal sides. Being the performer, Sooji will embody her duality both as vulnerable girl and as a strong and independent woman.” 

Sooji raised her hand for question. They all looked at her and urged her to speak. “I’m sorry but may I ask about MMA?” 

“This is not yet announced to the public,” He trailed thoughtfully, glancing at her for attention. “But you’re nominated as the Best New Female Artist.”

Sooji choked upon hearing what he said.

This can’t be? We just debuted and only had two songs!

“And ITZY will be performing there too and you will do the intro with your single.”

Sooji cleared her throat before nodding awkwardly. She felt completely thrown off the building with the thought of performing in front of so many people, let alone other senior idols. 

Jinyoung glanced at his paper before looking back to the other side of the table. “I need the choreography by October.”

“I’m on it.” replied Bae Dabin.

Jinyoung’s gaze went back to the idol. “Sooji, If you could help Team Galactika with the songwriting that would be better.”

“I’m just going to be at my studio.” Galactika himself stated and flashed a wink. Sooji chuckled at his friendly behavior to ease the tension. She was already comfortable with him since she basically raided his workshop together with Hyunjin.

“Production, Planning, and Styling team,” Jinyoung called after glancing to his paper again. “You can propose your ideas anytime but we’ll finalize it by October too.”

“Noted, PD-nim.” They replied, bowing their heads curtly.

Jinyoung let go of the ballpen he was holding and leaned on the table with his hands connected. He scanned the room with full authority in his demeanor.. “This single will be different as it won’t be promoted rather it will be a bomb to everyone.” 

They all nodded in understanding, deeply thinking if this would work. Honestly, Sooji didn’t think he had plans for charting her supposedly single, but he was aiming for something else.

“That’s it for today. I don’t want anyone leaking this, understood?” He dismissed. “You can go now. Sooji, I need a word with you.”

Everyone stood up and bowed briefly before walking away. She was left with the superior alone.

“Did you know Ms Choi came here?”

“She told me a few days ago. I apologize if she said anything inappropriate.” Sooji muttered an apology before bowing politely, not trusting her own mother for not lashing out.

He signaled her to sit back and let out a chuckle. “It’s not a problem. And speaking of problems, I heard about the matter about you between Choi Yeonjun and Kim Chaewon.” 

“I don’t know what to say.” Sooji responded with a straight face as she could manage, concentrating on not thinking about what happened on the past few days. 

“Do you have romantic feelings for Yeonjun?” 

At this point, Sooji couldn’t pretend her usual behavior. Her head automatically lifted at his words, clearly surprised with his question.

“You know I’m against it, Sooji.” He said as if he read her mind. “Though, I have to admit that I am fond of that boy. Even so, I can’t accept if you have a relationship with him that’s not platonic.” 

“W-We broke up.” Sooji stuttered, gulping back her obvious nervousness. She hoped Jinyoung would overlooked her twisting, twitching expression.

Sooji was half-lying. Of course, she was going to break up with Yeonjun either way after this.

Jinyoung grinned. “Don’t be too nervous, Sooji. I may be too biased but I’d accept if you’re in a relationship with him when you’re at legal age.” He observed her shaking hands. “If you broke up with him... then it’s the right time of your single, am I wrong?”

“Respectfully speaking, I don’t want anything to do with him anymore.” Sooji muttered, making the older snickered at her bitterness. Jinyoung stared at her for a long silent moments. God, she hated how utterly unreadable he was capable of being.

“Well, the media is making you look like a vulnerable girl... Do you want that?” Jinyoung eventually spoke, leaning back to his swivel chair with amusement in his eyes.

Why was he good at reading people?

“No, sir.”

“Then I’ll remove that to the concept. You show them you aren’t. Perform on that stage and let them kiss your feet.” He convinced, cracking a mischievous smile.

Jinyoung raised his hand in front of them to gesture a handshake as a sign of commitment. Heaving a sigh, Sooji grabbed it and he shook it with satisfaction plastered on his facial expression.

Completely burned out from the flight and meeting, Sooji went back to their dorm like a zombie. Ryujin was watching something on her phone when she slumped back on her bed after changing her clothes without having a motivation to fix her luggage. 

“Are you okay?” Ryujin asked, putting the device down to her lap.

“Just tired.” Sooji affirmed quietly, covering her eyes with her palm and lowering her head to rest heavily on the pillow. 

Ryujin suddenly rose from her bed, lounging leisurely next to Sooji. She put her arms around her. ”I’m here if you need to talk to someone. Go take a rest.” 

Sooji wasn’t going to lie but cuddling made her think of Yeonjun, both of them switching to being the big spoon and small spoon whatever they wanted. Hearing his soft giggles as he wrapped his arms around her to snuggle made her feel a certain sense of warmth. The way he would stroke his smooth fingers through her old jet black hair made her feel comfort. She liked Yeonjun, and the cuddle sessions they had were all amazing in every way.

But Sooji had to get used to this. Yeonjun wasn’t going to be beside her anymore. He chose what he did. There wasn’t any explanation when it came to cheating and he knew what she’ve gotten through yet he still did.

At least, that what she assumed.

Before Sooji knew it, she had fallen asleep with rage in her head and striking pain in her heart.

Noise filtered into the room as she stretched, reaching her phone that was ringing frantically. Sooji yawned, rubbing the sleep on her eyes and answered the call by instinct.

“Jiji...”

Sooji’s eyes widened in severe surprised when she heard a familiar voice. She looked back on the number to see that it was new. He probably bought another one to use it because Sooji had his blocked.

“P-Please... go down. L-Let’s talk.”

“Oh my god, it’s summer. Why is it raining?” Sooji heard Ryujin complained behind her back. “Ji, are you cold? Do you want me to turn off the AC? Who called you?”

Sooji stood up and gave her a sly smile before getting back to the phone call. 

“Okay.”

She threw herself into a hoodie, cap, and mask. Ryujin eyed at her suspiciously. Sooji just shrugged and told her that she would be back soon. Walking outside, her mind was a messy place but she put her best blank face to hide it.

“Baby,” Yeonjun called in fraught voice. Sooji got startled when she saw him on the dark side of the building, a little wet from the rain.

“Don’t call me that.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Cheat...” Sooji started coldly, looking away with rage. “Of all things, you could do to me. You cheated.”

No, rephrasing that: Out of all people who would cheat, crush, and lied to her... it was going to be Yeonjun.

“Baby, I did-”

“Don’t fucking call me that!”

“Jiji, I’m so sorry... Please, baby. Believe me, I didn’t cheat.” Yeonjun begged, reaching out to her. Sooji hissed and straightened her posture, glaring at him warningly.

“You lied to me.” Sooji responded with full accusations.

“I can never cheat on you, angel. I’m in too deep.” He replied softly, sincerely, staring up at her with those big worried eyes.

Sooji didn’t really know how to describe the origin of the lump in her throat, not sure how to pinpoint the tight feeling in her chest as she listened.

“It was for fanservice.” Yeonjun added, faintly cussing under his breath after the confession. “And it’s comeback season...”

“Don’t give me that shit, Yeonjun! If it was for fanservice then it would’ve fucking been us!” Sooji exclaimed, looking at him with pure anger. How could he use that excuse? Yeonjun should’ve known how big their shipper was.

“S-Stop cursing, angel...” Yeonjun subtly replied, voice achingly soft.

Sooji huffed in disbelief, clear warning striking in her tone. 

“Y-Your company didn’t approve... so Chaewon’s insisted-”

“You just had to bring her name up now, huh?” Sooji clicked her tongue in annoyance.

His eyes grew senselessly wide, realizing he was just making the situation even more worse with his choice of words.

“I’m sorry. Please—”

“True or not, you lied.” Sooji stated flatly, still feeling a sharp spike of anger piercing through her constricting chest. “You lied Yeonjun. What’s the point of this if I don’t have trust on you anymore?”

“Are you... A-Are you breaking up with m-me?” Yeonjun murmured quietly before swallowing painfully, eyes closed as each fearful. She gritted her teeth at the question, which felt like a punishment. 

“I’m done.” 

Yeonjun choked on his tears when he heard her final word, crying so despairingly that she felt physical pain stab her in the chest and twist the blade. Sooji went back inside the building to avoid hearing it more. What was she supposed to do now that she heard the agony in his voice?

And Yeonjun was crying and pleading for Sooji not to go, but he was too weak after hearing her words. So he stood there, under the pouring rain.

Chapter Text

Day came and they were about to go to shoot for Knowing Bros. In her usual outfit, Sooji walked through their dormitory’s lobby. Her tracks stopped when she saw a familiar figure sitting on the sofa, anxiously holding a bouquet of flowers.

“We’ll wait for you in the car.” Yeji said, giving her an awkward smile. The rest of the girls did too before following their leader. Ryujin smiled sympathetically to the man in front of her.

“Jiji...”

Sooji’s brow raised, enhaling sharply before speaking. “Aren’t you supposed to be practicing?” 

“It’s just one morning.” Yeonjun shrugged, carelessly. He’s a lot more calmer than last night.

“Morning? You were here since morning?” She responded, looking at the clock that was striking to after noon.

He nodded as if it wasn’t a big deal. “Yeah... I was hoping we could talk?”

Sooji scoffed rudely, raising a hand to dismiss Yeonjun disrespectfully before walking away. She saw his reflection from the door frame that he stood there and nodded at himself.

One morning became two days and three and so on. Sooji was genuinely worried for his behavior but she couldn’t care more. Every time she went to work, he would always be waiting on the lobby with a bouquet of fresh white roses on his hands. The staffs were starting to get weirded out by his behavior. Sooji even picked up the habit of seeing Yeonjun too. 

“You look beautiful.”

“Have you eaten?”

“Have a nice day!”

“Did you sleep well?”

“Your hair looks good on you...” 

Sooji heard him commented whenever she walked past him. 

“Yeonjun, why are you still here?” 

The man looked at her with wide eyes, surprised that she finally interacted after a week of waiting.

“Jiji, please, let’s talk.” His eyes looked up, hopeful and determined.

Sooji continued to observe his tired features, and his eyes that looked so swollen that was too evident because of crying. He didn’t look like he was getting enough sleep. Yeonjun looked so exhausted.

“You’re supposed to be rehearsing.” Sooji stated, as a matter of fact. She was pretty sure Yeonjun wasn’t managing his time well. It was comeback season, alright, he shouldn’t be anywhere but their studio.

Yeonjun pursed him lips and avoided her judging gaze. He looked like he wanted to say something but he was keeping it to himself. Sooji was anxious about whatever it is.

“It’s done.” Lies.

“You should be resting if it’s done. We’re done, anyways.” Sooji said before walking away.

She thought Yeonjun would let her go like what he always did the past few days but he gripped on her wrist and turned her to face him. Sooji saw how Yeonjun’s face fell when he looked at her empty wrist, no sign of the bracelet he gave her. She glanced on his face to see a single tear escaped from his eyes. Sooji could tell how drained he was from going all the way here but Yeonjun was still pursuing her.

“What do you mean we’re done?” He questioned, biting his lower lip. It wasn’t a question, she knew. Basing from his face, Yeonjun didn’t want her to answer it.

“You’re a cheater.” She affirmed, the words were hurting Yeonjun but she continued. “You cheated on me, Yeonjun. What’s not clicking?”

“You’re not even trying to understand me...” He muttered almost inaudibly.

“What do you want me to do? Forgive you from your grave sin? What the fuck, Yeonjun? You of all people should know!” Sooji exclaimed, scanning the room after. Fortunately, there was only one security that was busy minding his own business. 

“I never cheated on you, Jiji, please,” He begged.

Sooji shook her head in disappointment and in denial, avoiding Yeonjun’s pained state. He looked like he was barely living. So, so, so different from the Yeonjun she met.

“Please, please, baby, don’t leave me.” He pleaded, tears bursting out of his eyes. 

Sooji’s eyes went wide when Yeonjun dropped to his knees in front of her. He wrapped his hands on her legs and rested his face on her stomach with his head tilted on the floor. She avoided his posture and darted the room. The only person who was with them looked shocked at the scene. She didn’t know what to do, and Yeonjun kept supporting himself using her body as if Sooji was his only strength.

“Get up, Yeonjun.” She said in slight panic, feeling really bad that he had to do this.

What happened to him? 

When Yeonjun didn’t stand up, Sooji kneeled in front of him too. She held on to his cheeks to make it look at her. His tears was blocking it to clearly stare back at her.

“Let’s talk tomorrow. Rest for me.” Sooji had no choice but to amend.

Yeonjun sighed while nodding. Sooji helped him stand with his feet. She convinced him to go home and not to ran after their work. It was raining. She walked out to go to her own car. Yeonjun was still stiff where she left him, looking at her like he wanted to trail after her. She gazed at him for the last time before closing the door, he really looked like a walking corpse. Sooji didn’t know what to do anymore. 

“Hey, noona. I’m sorry for calling you at this hour but Yeonjun-hyung’s been mentioning your name, he said he won’t go home without you. Don’t worry, Tyun and I can handle him but- er.. just wondering if you would like to come here? We’re few blocks from your dorm. I’ll send the address.”

Beomgyu called her the exact day- it was almost midnight, though. Sooji had their contacts unblocked since she didn’t want any bad blood between them. They were out of their messed up relationship. It was too immature if Sooji had them affected too.

“I mean- it’s really okay if you don’t like. We just have something to say.”

Sooji scanned herself, ready to sleep. She was tired from working today to even function.

“Just take him home.”

“Okay... thank you, noona.”

Sooji tried to sleep, but she couldn’t. She had been shifting to different comfortable positions on her bed because she was too anxious to even let herself close her eyes. Irritated, dhe sat on her bed while calling Beomgyu’s number. Thankfully, they were still there and willing to wait for awhile.

When Sooji arrived at the random restaurant, she went to the most hidden spot where she guessed they would be. And Sooji was right. she saw Yeonjun’s head that was resting on the table with so many bottles of soju surrounding their table. Beomgyu and Taehyun’s expressions looked worried while conversing with each other. 

“What happened to him?” Sooji asked, sincerity in her voice. Hell, she was worried too. She knew Yeonjun had high alcohol tolerance but not to this extent.

“He passed out after drinking.” Taehyun answered after heaving a sigh. 

Her brows shot up, looking at the minors. “Are you guys even allowed here?” 

“He was already here. Soobin-hyung just asked us to fetch him.”

“Hyung drank all this, not us.” Taehyun rolled his eyes before gesturing Sooji. “Sit first, noona.”

Sooji sat beside Yeonjun, absentmindedly fixing his clothes that was sprawled everywhere on his body. “Where’s Soobin?” 

“Did Yeonjun-hyung tell you?” Taehyun said, disappointment in his tone.

Sooji shook her head. “Tell me what?”

“She doesn’t know. Taehyun, drop it.” She heard Beomgyu muttered in between but she muted him. “I’m speaking as your hyung. Drop. It.”

Beomgyu had never been the one to be serious at all times. But when he was, it was an urgent matter. Sooji’s curious eyes drifted back and forth to the both of them, still clueless at what they were talking about. The daegu man looked like he was about to punch Taehyun, who also looked annoyed with the situation.

“Hyung failed the evaluations.” 

Sooji felt a huge slap on her when she heard what Taehyun said. Her lips parted in shock, and she wanted to say something but she didn’t know what to say. She was left speechless while her gaze was stuck on Yeonjun’s drunken state.

“Taehyun!”

“Failed?” Her voice shaked. “Y-Your comeback is delayed?”

“Yes.” Taehyun withstood, not even caring if Beomgyu was giving him warning glares. “Our seniors were disappointed at him and he had a fight with Bang PD.”

That can’t be. He was the favoured among the trainees and even idols in their label company. He worked hard to coin his name. This can’t be. 

Beomgyu cleared his throat when he noticed Sooji zoomed out of the frame. “It’s not your fault. It was hyungie’s... I hope you don’t think we’re guilt-tripping you?” 

But it was my fault. Whatever they would say, it was my fault. 

“I just wanted to tell you so you’d know, noona. I’m sorry I was the one who had to spill it but I did what I had to do. You know we’re each other’s pillar and Yeonjun-hyung is the strongest but with him breaking down? Our group is falling apart. We can’t do this without him.”

Their stares collectively pointed on Yeonjun who was in deep sleep. Sooji closed her eyes in frustration and shame for herself.

“But there’s still a chance, right?” Sooji tried to find hope. But a realization passed by, saying that it was the middle of the month already. 

“Yeah... everything’s ready for the comeback but him. Yet, being bad terms with our own CEO is kinda the problem too.” Taehyun answered. 

“Why did they fight?”

Taehyun avoided her interrogating stare. “There was... there was something that the CEO planned for him but for the first time, Yeonjun-hyung disobeyed.” 

“It’s not our place to tell, noona. I hope you understand.” Beomgyu said, looking at Taehyun’s direction like he was threatening him.

Long uncomfortable silence stretched between them. Sooji stared silently back on the man beside her who was snoring peacefully like he hadn’t for days. She felt the tension between Beomgyu and Taehyun; and if she was right then they knew about what really happened to Yeonjun. Sooji was afraid to ask.

“Okay, thank you. Please, take him home.”

Sooji went home with void on her being. Yeji waited for her on living room. She was scared for a moment, she thought the leader would scold her but when she looked up, Yeji had her soft worried eyes gazing at her.

“What do I do?” Sooji asked, voice shaking. 

Yeji smiled sadly, gesturing her to walk towards the balcony. “Whatever you think that’s good for the both of you.”

“I don’t know.” Sooji muttered, looking at the stars. She was having a deja vu for a moment. “I’m so confused... and angry. I’m tired.”

“Then rest. Both of you should rest. I’m sorry to say this but your relationship is not healthy anymore.” 

“He won’t stop.” She croaked.

Yeji didn’t say anything longer, either she didn’t know what to say or she was giving her space to let it out. Because it wasn’t about cheating anymore. It was about his career too. Two crucial factors for the both of them and Yeji was right; this was toxic. Sooji thought of losing herself for this relationship wasn’t worth it anymore. She couldn’t see herself letting everything go and continuing their relationship with Yeonjun’s state now. He was also not being himself. He was far from the Yeonjun everyone knew. Sooji wasn’t healthy for him too anymore. It had to stop or else they would end up ruining each other and their careers. 

She fell asleep by almost three in the morning and woke up late. It was weekend and she waited for Yeonjun to come by their dorm, the girls went out. When he arrived, her eyes fall onto his sullen face. He had a deep cut on his bottom lip too, but he still gave her a small smile. He still looked hopeful.

“What happened?” Sooji asked while pointing to his lips. 

“It’s nothing.”  Yeonjun shrugged it off and went inside their unit. She gestured him to join her to sit on the sofa.

Sooji couldn’t stop looking at his face with curiosity. She remembered Soobin punched him one time, but was it still her brother? Soobin really couldn’t control his temper when it came to his sister. Sooji’s heart constrained at the thought of her own brother being physical because of her. And that the friendship they built up for years was shatteimg because of her. It was because of her again.

Sooji couldn’t do this anymore.

“I want to break up.” 

His head turned to her direction and he stopped himself from sitting on the sofa.

“I don’t.” Yeonjun replied casually, standing up with confident posture.

Sooji huffed in disbelief. “I’m not even asking for your permission.”

“This is a two-way relationship. You don’t get to decide on your own.”

It was hard to read his expression, whether he was annoyed, angry, or worried. Sooji just knew he was so upset with what was happening between them.

“Our relationship ended when that article came out!” Sooji couldn’t stop herself from screaming at him. “I get to do whatever I want with this relationship, you cheater. How do you still have the audacity to question my decisions when you committed to that choice? If I want to break up with you, I will break up with you!” 

Sooji spoke words that she knew would hurt Yeonjun, hoping he would give up. But he didn’t. Yeonjun stood there, shaking his head. He turned his gaze away from her and smiled sarcastically as if she said something so ridiculous.

“You always think of yourself...” His eyes glinted with tears. “And the other people but me. Me... Why can’t you just see me as the person that’s standing in front of you right now instead of caring what other people have to say about me?” 

Yeonjun jaw slacked aggressively while he wiped out the tears that was streaming down his face. His tone was cold but most of all, he was sad and hurt.

“You never told me you loved me.”

“I love you too much to tell you how much you ruined me.” 

With that statement, he bursted more tears with regrets. Yeonjun was so tired. It felt like whatever he would do or say, Sooji wouldn’t change her perspective. He was trying so hard for the past few months. He was trying so hard. He was trying.

“I thought you trusted me...” He whispered so painfully for her. 

“I don’t know where you still get the courage to talk about trust.” Sooji scoffed as defense. “Let’s stop this, Yeonjun. It’s not healthy anymore...”

“No...” He shook his head again. 

“Yeonjun!” Sooji snapped. Sooji couldn’t persevere this anymore. If he was still here for another minute, she would break down.

Could he just get out of my sight? Didn’t he have any pride left? 

Yeonjun was still looking at something mindlessly, his tears were still going down his face. “I said no.”

“You can’t do this to me, Yeonjun! Please, let’s break up. I don’t want this anymore... Let me go.” Sooji pleaded with her voice. He still shook his head and went in front of her before kneeling. She saw how his tears dropped on the floor. 

“Why is it so easy for you?” 

The lump on her throat was consuming her so she didn’t speak any longer. If she did, she would’ve cried, and Sooji couldn’t afford that now. Especially that she needed to look strong without him.

“I... I fought so hard.. for this relationship....” 

Sooji avoided his touch when he was about to cup her cheek. “This isn’t good for us.”

“How? You’re the only good thing in my life...” Yeonjun reached out to brush a few strands of her hair, managing to form a smile playing on his lips. He put his other hand on mine to caress it.

“You failed your evaluations!” Sooji shouted, harshy, grating the heavy air surrounding them and bouncing off the surfaces as echoes.

Yeonjun’s grip tightened on her wrist, fingers shaking too. A little taken back that Sooji knew.

“It’s just an evaluation.”

Her heart crushed more. She wasn’t above admitting that she almost cried a little overwhelmed at how it was light for him to say it. Sooji was too far gone to take it so well, but now she let out a few dry sob before covering her mouth with her hand. Her body trembled too. Yeonjun held her firmly in place as he pressed her face on his chest, making it a safe place for her. And she couldn’t move away, needing to grip Yeonjun’s shirt while lightly punching his shoulder for what he had said.

He was... He wasn’t Yeonjun anymore. 

“It’s not just an evaluation! It was for your comeback with your group! For TXT! It’s your career, Yeonjun! Your dream for yourself! Didn’t we talk about prioritizing it before this relationship? What are you doing now!” Sooji ranted in irritation. “Why is it like this? Why does it feel like it’s my fault that you’re like that? You did this to yourself! You cheated! It was your decision!”

“I didn’t cheat—”

“Then, what was that? You took her out! And don’t tell me it was fanservice because I won’t believe you!”

Yeonjun cupped her cheeks for Sooji to look at his eyes.“They set me up for a dating scandal to promote our comeback. Believe me when I say it was supposed to be you because I talked to Park Jin Young myself.” 

Sooji exhaled sharply, remembering the recent meeting when she got back from New York. She tensed.

“What?”

“Remember the day I saw you and Hyunjin? I told you I went to your building...” Yeonjun induced a strange, chilling feeling in her as she reminisce about the exact day he was talking about. “But things didn’t go to the plan so we had to stop it but Chaewon- her label insisted. And that’s where the part that I refused everything they proposed nor ordered me. They aren’t allowed do it to the other members because they were still minors... I was the only option.” 

There was a long, drawn out moment of silent. Sooji stared at him, collecting her thoughts. He let go of her face but he was still kneeling in front of her, voice a little strangled, fidgeting awfully obviously.

“But I keep on going against it... even when my reputation is being tainted. I am no longer the so-called favorite because I started to defy them.” He added before staring at her intensely.

Sooji looked away.

“Tell me something, mhm? Did I ever confirm my relationship with her in the media?” 

Sooji rested her case with her quiet aura, but Yeonjun kept looking for hope in her eyes. 

“I told you not to lose your dream for me.” Sooji rebutted, frailty. She was starting to lose the argument but because of her pride, she kept finding blind holes.

“You are the dream...”

And that’s it. Sooji stood up with what he said. Yeonjun trailed her so quickly before Sooji could even take another step. He held on to her wrist. His eyes were all bloodshot and framed with faint lines of stress. Swollen from all the crying, leaving a ring of pinkish white around his dead irises. He looked awful. He looked like a mess. Sooji wasn’t even sure if Yeonjun had slept at all, not with those eye bags. She wasn’t even sure if he was eating a lot like he used to, not with those hollowed out cheeks and that thin, brittle looking neck that seemed longer than usual.

“Why can’t you just let me go?” Her voice broke at the sight of him, barely audible and weak.

“I love you.” He whispered, looking straight into her eyes. “Damn it... I love you, Sooji. Please, don’t do this to me, baby...”

“I hate you.” 

Yeonjun’s face drained of all color, and once again, he reached out to Sooji because she was silently taking step back that it scared him, but she only slapped his hands harshly off her. 

“No... no.. please, don’t say that,” He pleaded, cupping her cheeks. “Don’t say that to me. You don’t mean it.”

Everything inside felt so painful. Sooji was so torn between her own feelings against his ‘cheating’ and at the view of him completely breaking down in front of her. But Sooji couldn’t help when the temporary band-aids that held together all the wounds was peeling away with every tears that was coming out of Yeonjun’s eyes.

“You promised you would never hurt me.” Sooji choked at her own words. She could feel tears brimming up but she held it back with the last drop of dignity in her. “You promised.”

“I’m sorry.” are the only words that left on his shaking mouth. “I was fighting for us, I didn’t know...”

Yeonjun’s desperate, broken whisper had her gripping on her chest, trying to nail away the pain. What was even going on with both of them? Too much had just happened, and Sooji had no idea how to start over even if she wanted too. This was toxic enough.

“Let go.” Sooji replied calmly. Yeonjun’s big watery eyes fluttered wide open in shock. “Stop making me sad, Yeonjun.”

“Is that what you feel?” Yeonjun’s strained crying dropped into a composed voice. “That I make you sad?”

A distressful opening, but Sooji took her chances. Nodding her head, she tried to convince him.

Or herself.

“Okay.” Yeonjun replied in defeat. “Could you... Could you at least tell me that this will make you happy?”

Sooji closed her eyes before taking deep breaths. “I’m happy without you, Yeonjun.”

He nodded, fixing the strands of her hair that got messy. How Yeonjun decided to take care of her until their very last moment. Sooji felt like she was going to be sick any minute at the words she said.

“If you decide to come back...” Yeonjun started, voice thin and painfully hoarse, not even knowing what to say, or what he could say. “I’ll be here...” He uttered, barely holding himself up. “Waiting for you...”

It hurt. It hurt so bad Sooji couldn’t breathe. Too much had happened tonight. Too much had happened to them ever since she’d stepped foot in that damn dormitory. The ache of the loss was eating away at her, gnawing through every bloodstream and crushing her heart. Sooji couldn’t lose anything anymore. Sooji couldn’t lose Yeonjun, he was too important in her life. He was her healing. 

But what do I do when he was also the cause of my pain?

“I love you so much, I can never cheat on you.”

It was a painful night, followed by his last text message. When Sooji read it, she swore a tear almost escaped her eyes. She prepared herself, mourning everyday for losing someone like Yeonjun. She overthought what happened to them and persuaded herself hard that he was saying the truth but so what? The damage had been done and her trust was broken beyond repair. After his last message, Sooji convinced herself that she could move on someday. Or that they could move on from each other, because they were like a ticking bomb. It was only a matter of time before they could destroy each other.

YEONJUN

shine brighter. i love you.

choi yeonjun.

Chapter Text

“I hope you meet someone like you.” 

Mother knows best. Yeonjun thought as soon as he caught a glimpse of an angel in disguise walking inside their dorm. He was confused at the moment at who were the people barging in until a tall man came, realizing it was his co-trainee: Soobin. 

“Is that Soobinie-hyung’s sister?” His other trainee crept on to Yeonjun’s shoulder. The kid was three years old younger than him and they had a good relationship as friends, sometimes would mess around each other childishly but Yeonjun adored him a lot too. The younger was much more closer with Soobin and he observed that they found safe haven in each other even with the short age gap. 

Soobin and this kid was closer than him and Yeonjun so he got a little uneasy when he caught him in this position. He wasn’t even aware that he looked much of a stalker that was hiding behind his room’s door, staring at the family with curiosity. He swore he couldn’t take his eyes off the girl.

“I don’t know, Huening. Maybe you should ask him instead?” He said while patting Hueningkai’s head. 

“She’s pretty.” 

I know.

Once a month, Soobin’s mother and sister would always visit him. Yeonjun stayed close behind his assigned bedroom with other trainees, purposely hiding his face while stealing glances at the certain young woman. It’s not like she would notice him anyway, she was too busy talking to Soobin with eyes so enthusiastic.

It’s the time of the month and Yeonjun was ecstatic as he anticipated, only for him to get disappointed. Her presence couldn’t be found anymore since she stopped visiting and even on the next schedules. He was starting to sulk that Soobin’s mother caught Yeonjun’s longing eyes as he searched for the maiden. 

“I have a crush on your daughter.” 

He didn’t even stutter but he sure looks red as a tomato when the elder talked to him.

“I was going to tell you that you could share food with Soobin...” Sooyoung replied before laughing wholeheartedly, amused by how the teenager was acting lovesick.

Yeonjun’s eyes darted like a deer caught in headlight. His confidence just went six feet under when he registered what happened. It was a good thing that he confessed even when Sooyoung looked strict when it came to her daughter. Needless to say like everyone else, Yeonjun caught her heart with his charm.

So on, Yeonjun and Sooyoung happened to be close as the mother treated Yeonjun like her own kid considering that he became best of friends with Soobin later. Her daughter was still out of the picture which Yeonjun figured out that it was because she passed the audition for the other label. Eventually, Yeonjun got updated with the rumors circulating. Unrequited, yes, but he was at least proud he fancied on someone who was passionate at what she was doing. And to add the cherry on top, Yeonjun was thrilled that they were both passionate with the same thing.

It’s safe to say, he was an avid fan.

One night and Yeonjun wasn’t prepared when he met the same face he was crushing on for years. He was a mess internally, thinking if he should talk to her or just act mysterious. Everyone knew that Yeonjun was a social butterfly but with the person who just got inside their dorm, he couldn’t bring himself to start a conversation. 

“She’s not your baby.” 

Man was he whipped. He basically had to excuse himself from the group out of humiliation and God, Beomgyu wouldn’t let him live with this. 

“I’m not the only one being talked about, Sooji.”

It felt so good for him to say her name, finally. Yeonjun thought it was different how he spoke her name as if it was safe in his mouth. He wanted it to let it stay that way.

“Talked about?” The JYPE trainee asked, panting a little from her extra practice. Yeonjun noticed how heavily the dancer was breathing abnormally, like she was hyperventilating. He was scared to assume if she had asthma or something.

“A rumor has been spreading in every agencies that JYPE has a secret weapon for their new girl group.” Yeonjun explained slowly, evenly, wide eyes observing owlishly at Sooji. “I thought the possibility of it being you.”

“And you care, why?” 

He smirked as a cocky twist to his lips at sudden attitude, adding more more boost to his ego. Yeonjun knew there was more to this angel. “You aren’t sassy like this in front of others.”

“I- I don’t know. Maybe you’re a spy?” 

Let’s be honest. Yeonjun wasn’t confident when he came inside JYP Entertainment. Many times he tried to back out only for Beomgyu to repeatedly scolded him over the phone call at how he literally used his connections just to see his damn feisty girl. But... Oh, she stutters? 

“What are you even doing here, Yeonjun?”

His brows lifted up at the loss of honorifics. He thought how his girl was really a bad girl that haven’t been caught like what he presumed. He wanted to unravel more. 

“It’s oppa.” Yeonjun was a natural friendly human being, it’s why people mistaken him as a flirt. But when someone tested him like this? This man would not back down. “But call me by my name. It sounds heavenly.”

Yeonjun saw how the Sooji’s face grew hot as his eyes dragged over her but he wanted a good impression, he decided not to scare the person he was simping for years away with his flirting skills.

There he was, Yeonjun held her wrist gently and caressed it softly. “I came here... because I wanted to dance with you.”

Trust him. He tried to keep it cool but he couldn’t stop himself from checking her out every chances he got. Sooji wasn’t very tall like Soobin, but her complexion and strong aura were enough to draw attention, though they were alone in the room. And please, was she so good at dancing. Yeonjun beamed at how he found his counterpart that loved performing the same way he did.

It was the way how she carried herself, backed with her shy cute facade. As Yeonjun contradicted, Sooji was not cute at all. 

Well yeah, maybe it was because of her delicate features but as Yeonjun kept debating with Beomgyu, she was more to it. 

“Don’t be fooled by her.”

One look in her eyes and you know she wasn’t the soft kind, even with her petite size said so. Sooji looked like she was fragile but it contrasted it with her personality. She was daring and independent.

Beomgyu laughed like spongebob with his eyes closed and mouth wide while his arms wrapped around his stomach, mocking his friend on purpose at how infatuated Yeonjun was. “Bro code, YJ. She’s all yours.”

Time flies and he didn’t know what he was doing but he was skipping his rest time to travel all the way to the JYPE just for dance sessions with Sooji. He didn’t mind it, though. He wouldn’t get sick. Yeonjun only get sick when he’s sad. It’s as if his physical condition was reliant on his emotional and mental aspect. No matter how tired he was, he never catch his body breaking down when he’s happy. And Sooji made him feel like he was on cloud nine. Watching her dance while smiling was a redemption to all of his hard work.

Just go ahead and make my heart beat ten times faster than it normally should... that’s totally fine!

“Yeonjun-hyung, can you lower down your adrenaline?” Hueningkai commented as he watched Yeonjun paced around their practice room. They just came back from JYPE after Sooji and Ryujin got in to the new girl group. Soobin and the others had been interrogating him ever since.

“That’s reasonable. My baby will debut!” Yeonjun smiled proudly, wide enough to see how round his cheeks even more than they already do.

“She’s not your baby.” Beomgyu scoffed, imitating what Yeonjun had said to him in the past. 

“Well-”

Taehyun, and his ever so smart ass, cut Yeonjun off with his hand dismissing the eldest. “Technically, you haven’t took her out...”

Yeonjun turned his head to Soobin’s direction. The maknae line already groaned at the sight of Yeonjun trying hard to please Soobin with his cute agenda. “Soobinie~”

“Get off me, hyung.” Soobin growls lowly, annoyed and awkward how both of his best friend and sister had something going on. “We already talked about this and I told you it’s okay! Just don’t hurt her or I will break your face.”

A chorus of teasing sounds enveloped the room when their leader broke out a first threat and it was for the oldest. May seem not but Soobin was thankful that it was Yeonjun who caught Sooji’s heart. Even when he’s annoying as hell, everyone around him could see the love in his eyes whenever he looked at Sooji.

“I’ll break myself first before I even have the chance to hurt her.” 

“Wow, you’re actually a goner.” Hueningkai retorted as his lips broke into an obnoxious grin.

“I’m actually mad it took me less than months for me to fall for her.” Yeonjun started with a tone like he was problematic but he was smiling while thinking out loud. “No offense, Bin. It usually takes at least years to feel something towards someone but my baby? I’m weak.”

“Straight up lies, hyung. We both know how crazy you are for noona since day 1.” Beomgyu, of course, had to snitch him. The group basically had a small squabble at how they didn’t notice it, trying to milk Beomgyu to spill the details while Yeonjun and him played catch inside the practice room to stop talking.

He hated how his face was on fire. Choi Yeonjun, rank 1 of all trainees for years, and the kind of person everyone crushes on by default, reduced into a corgi pup when it comes to this 162 centimeter human. 

“Know that I think of you always.”

That’s it. He couldn’t control himself anymore, not when his silly crush was straddling his lap while saying those words. He removed his face from her neck, giving himself some credit to look at such celestial features he’d been missing for months. 

“I think about you too... I missed you, angel.” He murmured hoarsely, staring shamelessly at her lips while he blinked slowly as if he was drunk with her presence. “Can I kiss you?”

Yeonjun was cursing at himself internally as he thumbed over her bottom lip before he leaned in to touch Sooji’s forehead. She caught him smiling as his fingers traced the brim of her lips, and Yeonjun heard a long heavy breath escape from her as she shivered pleasingly at Yeonjun’s touch without him actually doing anything... yet.

Yeonjun felt intoxicated when Sooji gave her the green light. His lips brushed against Sooji’s lightly before he kissed her, painfully slowly, massaging his plump lips against her own. Yeonjun’s eyes were roughly closed, lost in her touch as she grabbed on to his shoulders to stabilize herself. Something inside him ignited more fire as he heard her whimpered against his mouth at the euphoria when his plump cushiony soft lips moved in sync with her as his hands roamed around from her exposed legs to the side of her body. Sooji was loud, moaning mess. It didn’t help Yeonjun’s inappropriate thoughts. He let out a giggle in between making out just because he was so turned on. Soon enough, he was so hypnotized that he deepened the kiss and Sooji knew she had to pull away before she fell even more under his spell.

He detached his lips slowly, both of them panting as he moved a strand of hair out of her face before placing small traces of kisses with an affectionate smile on his face. “Are you gonna stay the night?” He sighed with contentment, finally gathering himself to let go of Sooji’s face as he absentmindedly took her hand, rubbing those circles into her palm again. 

Private nights with Sooji were always wholesome for him, aside from their steamy makeout sessions at some point, they would casually shift to cool it down and talk. They talked about anything and everything, and there was so much he learned about her in such a short time. 

The way Sooji eating whatever the hell she wants without worrying about looking cute in front of Yeonjun, a much more kimchi monster than Yeonjun but a mint-choco anti which they would have petty bickers about it. 

How Yeonjun certainly appreciated how she dressed up way different from other girls, his favorite versions were the baggy sweatpants, and his very own t-shirts that she stole from Yeonjun’s wardrobe. He didn’t mind, not when Sooji looked so endearingly hot in his clothes.

He somehow fell for her even more after he saw her real, slight mouth-open sleeping face. He would stay up, raptured by Sooji’s ever so sweet strawberry scent, familiarizing with the minor crease of her brows, the natural long curls of her lashes, the narrow slope of her nose, the purse of her adorable pouted cherry lips, the planes of her face, and how she managed to take his breath away. His fingertips would brush against the softness of her paper thin skin and he could feel his throat clogging at the thought of her not being in his life.

Being with Sooji was easy for Yeonjun, it felt like breathing after a long pressuring day of work and he was thankful for that.

“Do you ever think about running away?” 

Run away with me.

It was Sooji’s birthday and how awful he felt when he skipped the her special day because of the new song he was working on. He got feedbacks that it was good but something didn’t add up. So he gridded hard for it since it was a song for her, Yeonjun couldn’t afford his efforts lacking.

“I love you.” He spoke so boldly during that specific night when Sooji was grieving at her mentrustion period. That might be a weird time but for Yeonjun, confessing his love didn’t have to be so confusing as mixed signals that needed to be deciphered, especially with their industry. There wasn’t much time to be with each other in person to prove his love, bearing in mind that his love language was physical affection. Yeonjun wanted to be simply together because they wanted to be.

Yeonjun claimed she worth the risk for he was falling in love with her.

And when he debuted, his competitive nature set in his mind into wanting to be the best boyfriend to ever live in this lifetime. He watched every bit of Sooji’s performances with all smiles on his face with pride. He wanted to frantically scream to the world that she was his girlfriend, but just secretly meeting each other’s eyes across the room full of crowd, it was enough for Yeonjun to tame.

When he messaged Sooji that his heart hurt being away from her, he wasn’t lying. It was incredibly hard overseas. Sure, he once lived in the foreign country but that was so much years ago. But he had other people’s expectations that he needed to reach aside from himself and four younger brothers that was alien within their situation to take care of. 

Added to the pile that he had someone in Seoul to come back home to. Yeonjun’s trust with Sooji was hard to break and his love for her wasn’t shallow. He knew better than believing on piece of news that was going around in the internet. But what worried him the most was Sooji’s state. He knew how Sooji was bad at handling this as he could see his girlfriend was much of a people pleaser and it was her first scandal. He wanted to talk to her, not to clarify if it was true or not, but to check if she was okay. 

His patience was long but it was tested when everything around him was burdening him and the person he was getting his strength cannot be reached. People didn’t know but Yeonjun was an overthinker too. The difference was: he was so good at fighting himself to stay positive under any circumstances. But with what was happening, he couldn’t bear it anymore.

“But you weren’t like you used to. You were harder to read and fuck the distance, it made it worse! Days passed by and you were getting colder and colder. I streamed your performances and you didn’t do the hand signal. It’s like you didn’t care about me anymore. What was I supposed to think?”

But anyway, he was mad in love that a simple look in her eyes: fuck everything. Sooji didn’t even apologize the first time they talked about it yet he already forgave her. He wasn’t even mad from the start, he can’t be. He was mad at the external factors of their relationship.

“Since Park Jin Young did not accepted, we have to move on to Woolim Entertainment.” Bang PD announced, a hand massaging his forehead because of the stress the comeback was giving him.

“What?” Yeonjun’s voice faltered, voice distant.

Sihyuk furrowed his eyebrows at the confusion of Yeonjun’s tone. He was probably upset at the sudden statement, he thought to himself. “Park Chaewon? From IZ*ONE?”

“No. With all due respect, but I refuse to be a part of this.” Yeonjun rejected with bravery.

Everyone else was shocked at Yeonjun’s declination when he was always the golden boy. Soobin, who was with him, shot him a long-sidelong glance. He knew he loved his sister but not to the extent that he would pull up a rebellion. Soobin felt bad that he punched Yeonjun controlled by his brother instinct but he also wanted to punch Yeonjun again for applying his stubbornness during pre-comeback. Though, Yeonjun understood. He always did.

The CEO, together with their PR Manager, was keeping their stand the same way Yeonjun was keeping his. In the end, they would pull out stunts that Yeonjun wasn’t even informed about. What happened back in Bighit’s dorm lobby? Yeonjun didn’t have a clue but it was also scripted. His management’s moves were quiet but it didn’t stop Yeonjun from fighting back every single day. Literally.

“I was having a bad month but when you called me yesterday... it just felt like I could breathe again.”

It was worth it. He thought to himself as he watched fondly at his lover who was glowing under the sunset, dancing free from mental strain. Sooji was standing in front of a blindingly source of light, making it quite difficult for Yeonjun to distinguish her features, but it’s her nonetheless. He sneaked a photo of Sooji’s shining figure without her knowing before posting it on his private instagram.

@ cyjunie

my ray of light. my safest place.

“I’m alright now, love. Don’t worry. We all have our bad days. And it’s the moments like this that we should hold on to.” Yeonjun lent a tiny meaningful edge to his voice that Sooji noticed yet she couldn’t figure out.

She was looking at the pastel sky while Yeonjun was busy looking at her. He swore they were looking at the same thing. If else, Yeonjun claimed that his view was much more beautiful.

“Thank you for making me feel loved.” Sooji blurted out a lot louder than necessary before pressing a kiss on Yeonjun’s cheek, dying inside at the grateful pitch of her tone. Yeah sure, Yeonjun was smitten, but did Sooji voice really have to enchant him more? Knowing that he successfully made Sooji feel what she deserved to feel brimmed up the pride in him. He was doing the right thing, he cheered himself up.

He paused, turning and meeting Sooji’s gaze evenly, hesitant if he was going to reply or not. Yeonjun’s heart stuttered a little, suddenly unsure when he remembered what was really happening back in Seoul.

“Never in a second that I will make you feel otherwise.” Yeonjun managed to say after a beat of silence, voice a little uncertain. “Do you trust me?”

Please.

Of course, amazing. Smooth. Choi Yeonjun, master of keeping his real emotions. Sooji blinked at him and Yeonjun clenched his jaw at the thought of her knowing what was happening behind their relationship, half wanting to stay around to hear her answer, half wanting to dive into the sea and never resurface. 

As the silence dragged on longer, seeming to solidify the air around them, the ocean was looking more and more appealing, and Yeonjun wondered what it’d feel like to drown on the water but wasn’t that he was already feeling with all the romeo and juliet that was going on lately? Sooji didn’t speak, her gaze blank as if she was thinking of something, concerning him with frighteningly little feeling, and for a moment Yeonjun wondered whether Sooji had even heard him at all. 

“I wouldn’t be here if I don’t.” His nervousness dissipated from Sooji’s sudden hooded gaze until she laughed and slapped Yeonjun’s shoulder, replying airily at his question.

Please, continue to trust me.

Yeonjun perceived to be more determined on fighting their relationship when he got to Sooji opened about her past. He knew Sooji wasn’t used to talking like this, and that she never will. It’s why Yeonjun vowed, not that he wasn’t doing it already, but to protect Sooji and their relationship.

“I don’t need a love that is loud. I just need a love that supports me in my highs and lows.” Yeonjun swallowed thickly, the realization flushing over him just like a stream of cold water. “I just need a love that is there.”

I can fight for us, just stay.

This was one of the scenes that he envisioned of how they were going to run away from reality. Just the two of them under the fading orange of the skyline, hands barely intertwined. Their breathing labored and Yeonjun’s chest was on fire with fervor passion, enough to keep him going when he get back to Seoul. 

So during their KBS performance, he made sure to do many hand signals as he can to make the fans more suspicious about them. Even at the backstage, he made it obvious how he looked at Sooji even with the camera rolling. And back at the after party? He also made other idols be aware of their relationship using his not-so hidden gestures. Yeonjun intentionally made sure Seoul would talk about them. To twist people into thinking that their relationship was real rather than the one that would be released in the future.

He was so sure he would burn it all for Sooji. He would burn everything he’d ever know for her comfort, ashes to ashes until all her worries fade away into the horizon. Until they can mold the world into their own sanctuary.

“I hope we never forget why we chose each other.”  Yeonjun spoke so tiredly, more than tired he’d ever felt back in his trainee life.

“Why did you choose me?” Sooji even chuckled at him. He wasn’t offended when he wanted to laugh emptily at himself, pathetically. Sooji was leaving a few days, and it was the calm before the storm means he had to try harder to prove their company that they could aim for higher records even without a dating scandal. He juggled his time from working extra hard during their rehearsals, convincing the managers, and being Sooji’s boyfriend. He was so tired but he wouldn’t give up.

Because being with Sooji felt like the very first time that Yeonjun moved him body to dance, he never wanted to give it up, he never wanted it to stop.

“Because I love you.”

Yeonjun might be an idealist but he knew if he failed now, he would come back better and try again. And like what his brothers would say, he was too weak for Sooji. 

He was too weak.

Yeonjun flinched, hurtful words from Sooji darting straight to his core but otherwise he didn’t say much more, as if he was afraid he would make it worse. Yeonjun breathed, lips twitching as a tear escaped from the corner of his eye and fell down to his jaw. He bit the inside of his cheek, hard, to distract himself from the acidic pain gnawing at his chest. How Sooji continued to accuse him of being a cheater, they scorched and seared his skin with an unbearable intensity. He couldn’t believe how she belittled the love he had for her. After all he had done.

“You’re not even trying to understand me...” The words spilling from his mouth was beyond his control, wrapped in pitiful shakes and tremors. It was supposed to be embedded to his mind only.

“What do you want me to do? Forgive you from your grave sin? What the fuck, Yeonjun? You of all people should know!” Sooji elaborated stronger, louder, spitting the words out, and Yeonjun looked like he’d been struck at how she was cursing at him. He shrunk back after a frozen moment, feeling denigrated at how disappointed and mad Sooji was. Even if he explained his side more, he knew Sooji wouldn’t forgive him that easily.

Painful. It’s so painful. He couldn’t take any much more of Sooji’s disgusted gaze so he went for the last option. He’d lost his pride, but what can he do more for Sooji? He already fought with his managers, skipped several rehearsals, meetings, and even failed an evaluation, making his name tainted. He didn’t care about anyone else nor their judging eyes as long as it wasn’t Sooji’s. 

He was supposed to be happy when Sooji finally said the L word... but did it have to be like that?

“I love you too much to tell you how much you ruined me.” 

Just as what he promised, he’d burn everything for Sooji’s comfort, even if it’s himself.

“I’m happy without you, Yeonjun.”

Yeonjun tried to act like every one of Sooji’s words hadn’t just stabbed him repeatedly. He hadn’t thought it was possible to feel more enormous amount of pain than he already was. He glanced away, pretending to himself that there wasn’t a throbbing pressure in his chest and neck and another batch of stinging sensation at the corners of his eyes. With last energy Yeonjun had, he pulled Sooji closer for a long tight hug. It’s upsetting when she didn’t even move to wrap her hands too. Mouth quivering so hard as he placed a kiss at his ex-lover’s forehead.

“I love you so much, I can never cheat on you.”

Yeonjun barely managed to get home that day but his best boy from the start, Beomgyu, was already waiting by his car. The younger boy knew something bad might happened if he had left Yeonjun alone so he followed him. And Yeonjun... Yeonjun stopped crying after he walked out of Sooji’s dorm, but he was hit by another wave of exhaustion the moment he fell from his bed that day before typing his last message. At this point, he was too numb to feel anything.

shine brighter. i love you.

Because like all true lovers, all I desire is to watch you be everything you want more than you becoming mine.

Chapter Text

“The light in your eyes are dying.” Someone spoke, breaking the stunned silence and getting her out of her reverie.

“Get out of here, Hyunjin.” 

Hyunjin replied with a laugh, sitting on the couch beside her. It was a regular work day, and they were still in Los Angeles. Their general rehearsal was just finished, and she was isolating herself from anyone else because she was tired. Well, she was exhausted for how many months.

He suddenly cleared his throat awkwardly, thinking if he should speak. “My brain is telling me not to tell you this but, you have to stop suppressing your emotions, Ji.”

“Your brain’s right.” Sooji looked at him, chuckling, before focusing back on her feed. She had been scrolling for the past minutes, casually reading through posts from their fans while waiting for the girls to finish their post-practice routines.

Lately, Sooji’s mind was wandering off to thoughts that were not exactly pointless but not super wise either, and she didn’t know if she was lost or just searching for something that she needed. Sooji didn’t know. Maybe her heart knew what it was but she couldn’t have it. At least, not anymore.

Sooji missed him.

Sooji kept telling herself to stop feeling this way. She badly wanted to end this kind of feeling towards him because she already made up her decision. And not a single thing would change, reminding her the fact that he did or did not cheat... he lied to her. Sooji knew. She knew that. She already faced that reality. Sooji knew that one single fact— but she mourned for him still, every single day.

Sooji missed the way they would talk about things, especially at night, after their gruesome practices. They would talk anything under the sun, or under the moon, rather. They would stay up all night and just... talk. Sometimes, Yeonjun would come up with a lame and cheesy and corny daddy joke, and Sooji would laugh out loud because he would sulk in the corner if she didn’t pay him attention— or simply because she appreciated it. Sometimes, they would talk about the things that changed them. They would even swear they would never hurt each other in the same way that those people did to them.

But why did he have to do that? 

Sometimes, they would smile, because the thought of being with each other was very comforting amidst all the pressure that was bearing on their shoulders. Sooji really missed the way he would hold her hand, the way Yeonjun would cup her cheeks while facing her and while looking at her intently with loving eyes, and also, she missed the way his touches made her feel relaxed and protected. Sooji missed thinking about how special she was to him because out of the people who admired him, she was the only one who can be in his arms. Sooji missed the time when all they have is each other and she missed being okay. Sooji missed being in his arms. She missed being cuddled by him. She missed being held by him. She missed hearing his taunting giggles in between kisses. Sooji missed his warmth. She missed the feeling of being safe with him. Sooji missed his healing.

Sooji missed his soulful voice. She missed the times when they would stay all night and sing every song in their playlist, before having a childish bicker over who has much more better taste in music. Sooji missed the funny accent of Yeonjun, his bilingual language made him confused which one to use. Sooji missed the way Yeonjun sang their favorite songs with passion. She missed how he’d use that cute tone of voice just to get what he wanted from her because he knew how her guard melted because of it. Sooji missed the way she could hear the happiness and excitement in his voice just because he’s the personification of joy. Sooji missed it even more whenever Yeonjun assured he loves her. That of all people to love, Yeonjun chose her.

“Ji?” Hyunjin called loudly, jolting her back from reality, returning her focus.

“I miss him...” Sooji trailed off, slowly drifting back to her thoughts where her memories with him were playing.

Hyunjin sighed in pity. “Maybe you’re just guilty of what happened to him?”

Sooji closed her eyes and bit her lips to keep her mind steady. She was reminded again at what happened recently. 

TXT’s Yeonjun To Not Participate In 2019 MGMA In Order To Recover Health.

What Happened to Yeonjun? Why TXT Singer Pulled Out Of Award Show Performance.

TXT Singer Yeonjun Pulls Out Of Award Show As He Fights Back Pain.

On the first day of the month, their label released a statement of Yeonjun wouldn’t be able to perform for Melon Genie Music Awards. ITZY were there too, they won the rookie award alongside TXT. And the boys cried when they went to stage, Sooji didn’t know what happened but she was so sure it was their hardship of not being with Yeonjun, and the decision to delay their awaited comeback. Sooji tried talking it out with Soobin, who she already made amends, but all he told to her was Yeonjun wasn’t resting and literally slept in the practice room, his clothes packed inside his own locker. In short, Yeonjun never left work which redounded him in that condition.

The next week flashed and the next news that Sooji received was Soobin got diagnosed with infectious conjunctivitis. To her relief, her brother recovered alongside Yeonjun. But what shocked her more was when Soobin texted earlier that Taehyun and Hueningkai contracted the same virus, resulting their comeback got delayed twice. 

“Yah, Choi Sooji say hi to the live!”

Again. Sooji was taken back but with Ryujin’s huffed. She didn’t realize she was staring at Hyunjin mindlessly while she was in deep thought.

“MIDZYs!” Sooji said brightly, getting the phone from Ryujin. She read a comment saying What are you doing with Hyunjin? “Oh! We made a bet! Unfortunately, I lost and now I’m stuck being his KCON buddy. Say hi, Jinnie”

She moved the camera to his direction for them to fit in one frame and he subconsciously sat near her. Hyunjin smiled playfully before squeezing her cheek annoyingly. She glared at him and nursed the sore side of her face while he laughed joyfully as he greeted the live. 

“Hyunjin here! Are you guys okay?”

The girls joined in their vlive and Hyunjin was about to walk out to give them privacy but the staff mouthed that it was okay, they were promoting their performance tomorrow after all so he had to say a few words too. Nevertheless, he stood up at the couch to give space for her members to sit on. Sooji saw how the fans commented at how endeared they were watching the scene.

“We already did a question and answer so it’s Ji’s turn!” Lia said enthusiastically who was in the middle with Chaeryeong and Yeji, who also added. “Special guest from STRAY KIDS! Hwang Hyunjin, my brother from another mother. And yes, you could ask him a question.” Hyunjin laughed and nodded as permission. Ryujin and Yuna kept munching on their own ramyeons on the other side opposite to Hyunjin and her, he was sitting on the arm padding, being the gentleman he was.

Are suji and hyunjin dating?

“No, like what I said, we’re bestfriends! I treat him like my brother... since they’re both, you know... annoying.” Sooji joked out, Hyunjin pierced his eyes on her, acting so offended as if she didn’t tell him that everyday they were together.

is soobin okay?

“Yeah. He recovered quick from what he messaged me earlier.”

how about yeonjun?

is jijunie real?

message for txt?

Sooji decided to brush off the first two that caught her eye. She assumed Hyunjin read it too from his worried expression so she winked at him friskily to let him know it was fine. She didn’t want Hyunjin’s concern gestures to jump out in front of dozens of people, knowing that he gets extra clingy when he does. Not that she minded, it was Hyunjin’s personality and Sooji was already used to it considering that he was obviously her boy best friend now.

“Feel better! I’ll treat you meat next time. See you soon.” Sooji was about to raise her hand but Hyunjin panicked and curled his hand into hers. She looked at him in confusion until she realized that it was formed into the familiar hand sign. 

The comment section went feral at how Hyunjin held her hand, and Chaeryeong was quick enough to do damage control. “Eonnie almost dropped something!” The girls supported it by either laughing at her, and opening new topic to divert the attention.

“Hyunjin, do you like someone at the moment?” read by Yuna, her big bunny eyes widening at the realization of what she had said.

“It starts with the letter S!” Hyunjin played along, so carelessly.

Lia and Yuna squealed at the giddy vibe that Hyunjin had brought. 

“For?” read by Chaeryeong.

“Yah.” warned by Ryujin.

“I think that’s enough.” added Yeji.

Hyunjin raised his hands as surrender. “S for STAYs! Hello? I’m a loyal man.” To avoid the awkward air, Sooji laughed sarcastically in which Hyunjin acted upset and they ended up arguing non-sense the rest of the stream. 

After the live, Sooji apologized to Hayi because of her interaction with Hyunjin during the live but she smiled lively, saying it was fine since fans will anticipate more of their performance. Sooji heaved a sigh, thinking it was probably another public relation strategy. She was aware that she gained more shippers with Hyunjin after the live. Sooji was starting to accept that people will always have something to say whether it was positive or negative, and she had more things to deal enough than dwell on their opinions.

Los Angeles was on fire. Sooji didn’t expect the foreign crowd to sing so loudly as she poured her emotions to their performances. DALLA DALLA and ICY were relatable for her anyways. She was floored and drowned herself to the screams of the crowd, beautifully harmonizing with them. Performing would always get her out of her mysteries.

But when the night fell and she was alone in the hotel room, the others went shopping whilst she stayed out to get some rest. Since the concert was done, her mind was free to travel elsewhere, and her mood swings went from sadness to anger to frustration to confusion and back to sadness again. Sooji couldn’t even eat even when Hyunjin put a lot in her plate nor order huge amount of food that was once normal to her. Sooji couldn’t sleep well when she found herself looking through the pictures she had with him, that she attempted to delete a couple of times but failed. Sooji kept wondering if it was her fault things went south, or if there’s any way to get them back.

Sooji wondered if she wanted to.

“Hey?” 

“Are you busy?”

“No, my work hours were cut short. I’m not allowed to tire myself... why? Is everything well?”

Sooji fiddled in her sweater paws as she contemplated which words to say. “I just wanna ask... and I need you to be honest with me, binnie.”

“No, hyung did not cheat on you.”

Soobin said in a split second as if he always wanted to say it. It was scary knowing that everything can be shattered in seconds, just like what her heart felt. She was through the denial phase and every information in her mind was starting to get absorbed. 

“If you can’t trust him still then trust me. I’m the last man on Earth that will hurt you, Ji, and you know that.”

“You hid it from me.” Sooji retorted quietly, but she was sounding so defeated.

“Even if I was your brother, it was your relationship. But I was there beside him. I watched him.”

Sooji shook her head weakly, wanting to get back into denying everything but she couldn’t. She was processing everything as clear as crystal.

“He fought against the company... so hard. For you.”

Soobin’s words: they burn like acid, and the trail they leave behind crawled over her system. He probably guessed by now that Sooji was thinking properly unlike last month that he didn’t overwhelm her with much more details. It was enough pain for her.

Sooji couldn’t even imagine what Yeonjun felt.

After a few minutes of assuring Soobin that she was okay and she wasn’t having attacks, he allowed her to drop the call. Sooji logged into her twitter account. Just like other idols, she had her own personal. Solely for diversion, Sooji had been scrolling absentmindedly when she found a new tweet from txt_members that was just posted.

A video of a recorded audio.

Her forehead wrinkled as she clicked it immediately after reaching for her airpods to connect them into her phone, turning the volume up as the somewhat cover song began to play.

“Remember the way you made me feel, such  young love, but, something in me knew that it was real. Frozen in my head.”

It was Taehyun’s soothing voice that filtered in her ears.

“Pictures I’m living through for now, trying to remember all the good times. Our life was cutting through so loud, memories are playing in her dull mind. I hate this part, paper hearts, and I’ll hold a piece of yours. Don’t think that I’d just forget about it.”

Why did Sooji feel uneasy? Taehyun was such a good vocalist that she even felt it right through her. Or maybe she was relating to the music a little bit too much?

“Hoping that you won’t forget about it.”

Okay.

Okay. She was relating.

“Everything is gray under these skies.”

What.

“Wet mascara.”

The.

“Hiding every cloud under a smile.”

Fuck.

“When there’s cameras.”

Yeonjun.

“And I just can’t reach out to tell you, that I always wonder what you’re up to.”

Sooji noticed a bit shaking in his voice. It’s as if he was suppressing something, and it sounded so painful. Yeonjun really had one of the most unique and beautiful voices in their industry. He had a very distinctive voice vibration and high quality of breathing technique in which anyone could feel emotion that he was portraying whenever he sang every words. Hence, the wave of pain enveloped Sooji as she recalled each and every hurtful memories she remembered during their last days together.

“Pictures I’m living through for now, trying to remember all the good times. Our life was cutting through so loud, memories are playing in my dull mind.” 

Her body was shaking, not because of the hotel room temperature, but because memories were playing in and out of her mind. As Sooji kept her eyes closed, she could clearly see how Yeonjun’s happy smile that used to stand out eventually fading while the meaning behind of the song started sinking deeper and deeper into mind.

“I hate this part, paper hearts, and I’ll hold a piece of yours. Don’t think that I’ll just forget about it.”

“I’m sorry...” Sooji muttered, dropping her head down and allowing her hair to cover her face. The cover, the vocals got her way too invested to make her feel everything all at once.

“Hoping that you won’t forget.”

“I’ll never forget.” Sooji whispered almost painfully, her chest was hurting physically that she had to tug onto her shirt tightly, thinking she didn’t have the right to feel this way when she was the one who ended it.

The song cover was incomplete— and Sooji didn’t know why, but she didn’t like to imagine that they had to cut it because one of them was breaking down before they could even finish it. Nevertheless, Sooji quickly searched the lyrics of the song, rummaging through until she found out the next line in which she regretted reading in the first place. 

Good bye love, you flew right by love.

It was hard how Sooji depended on someone and in a blink of an eye, he’s gone, and she had no one to blame but herself. Maybe in time they would both grow to be better people and they could work, but they both had to find love in theirselves before finding love in each other. As much as they wanted to grow with each other, they had to grow apart... and maybe that’s okay.

Sooji was having a war in her head but before she could even stop herself, she sent a text to him, unaware and impulsive of her actions.

take care of yourself. please.

Chapter Text

Sooji woke up, getting her phone by instinct to check for any notification. There was a goodmorning message from Hyunjin, asking her if she wanted to eat before they get to the airport back to Seoul. She was already used to Hyunjin texting her. And from her mother, wanting her to come home. 

Sooji heaved a sigh, none from the specific one that she was hoping for. He didn’t reply to her text and that was okay, at least that what Sooji told to herself. She stared up at the ceiling, her mind was clouded with memories of waking up with Yeonjun’s corny yet sweet good morning messages. 

beautiful morning, how was heaven when you left it?

not a good morning cause she dropped my ramyeon on the sink but hey are you a ramyeon bc i’m falling for you <3

i just woke up to a random thought!! but kiss me if i’m wrong but dinosaurs still exist right??

Not to mention that he would call her so many cringey nicknames like babycakes, sugarlips, dollface and many more that Sooji couldn’t even count on her fingers. Yeonjun always had new refreshing ideas and he was consistent.

And now that he wasn’t here... she felt lonely.

Loneliness doesn’t want to be touched, instead it devours, it demands, it grabs... and she was feeling all at once.

“How have you been doing?” Sooyoung asked as soon as she stepped inside their house. The wistful scent of laundry detergent triggered her nostalgia. Sooji didn’t even know when was the last time she visited their shelter but it was still the same stereotyped house that screamed home.

I’m not okay. I’m pretty sure I fell in love with a boy, but we’re not together anymore. I miss him and... it hurts a lot, you know? Love? Love is a silly thing, isn’t it? It’s hard. It’s beautiful, but it’s really hard.

Sooji smiled weakly. “I’m fine.” but her mother just knew it was fake.

“Are you sure nothing’s wrong?” Sooyoung repeated the same question, observing how she really looked like. Sooji probably got the recent news that was going around Seoul. Her label didn’t even move a muscle about it, saying it was all useless because it was something that was bound to happen in the life of an idol. Hateful comments that Yeonjun had been receiving diverted to her the moment he uploaded the song cover, accusing her that it was her that hurt him after the live with Hyunjin. Accusing her for something she did do... but they didn’t really know about that.

“Sooji, are you okay?”

Please, don’t say that. You know those words hurt even more.

“Cry, my beautiful Jiji.” She whispered with a concerned voice and held her tightly as soon as she ran into her arms. “Let it all out. It’s okay.”

God forbidden nickname. Yeonjun was the only one who called her that.

But as much as Sooji wanted to let it out, she couldn’t.

The façade she’d put on all this time can’t break now, not after what she did just to preserve it. Sooji wouldn’t survive the exposure. She was afraid of it, afraid of what people would think of her when they knew how vulnerable she was.

“I know I shaped you to be a strong woman but Sooji...” Sooyoung said as she caressed her back while she stared at the family portrait that was hanging on their living room: it was big... but the number of persons there weren’t. “Crying doesn’t make you weak.”

Sooji felt a pang on her chest. All this time, she had that in her mindset but she was wrong? 

“I don’t know how.”

Sooyoung let go of her with a sad smile plastered on her lips and guided her towards the couch before going inside the kitchen. She was blaming silently herself for what’s happening to her daughter.

“I tell you something...” Sooyoung started when she came back with a glass of water and sat down beside her after handing it. “When that article came out a few months ago, I didn’t believe that he cheated.”

Eyes twitched in confusion as Sooji’s fingers started to fidget while she held the cup. “But you messaged me about it.”

“I messaged you about the articles because your name got involved. And as a victim of cheating, I have major trust issues, but not with that kid. Not when he worshipped the ground you walked on.” Sooyoung explained a bit carefully with her words as if it was going to break her. “When the news broke, he called me first after not getting ahold of you. He explained to me so precisely about what happened. And that kid... was stupid enough to put his entire career on line. Sooji, Yeonjun was so scared of losing you.”

Sooji couldn’t bring herself to speak up because the memories and regrets came flashing back in her mind. Everything was making sense now and what she did was so wrong.

“I’m not saying this to make you feel bad but you need to to be aware. I know how traumatizing it was for you with what happened between your father and I, but you will not be happy if you keep living like this. Let me carry the burdens, my daughter. It’s okay. I’m healing... you should be too.” 

But Yeonjun is my healing.

And I let him go.

Sooji thought love was loyalty and commitment. However now, it seemed love was the giggle Yeonjun let out whenever she made a comment about his small bunny front teethies. It seemed love was the way Yeonjun spoke her name so sincerely as if he wanted it to be safe in his mouth. It seemed love was the twinkle in his brown irises whenever he looked at her, in a room full of crowd or alone together. It seemed love whenever she beamed at Yeonjun’s gifts and accepted it with enthusiasm while he glowed in pride at the sight. It seemed love was the warm hugs Yeonjun gave during her worst days, tiny voices niggling in the back of her head, assuring her that better days were coming. It seemed love was the future plans they hoped for.

Nobody really knew what they want until it’s in front of them. And Sooji never really knew what love really was until she watched it walked away. Sooji never really knew what love was until it was too late.

She was learning that there is nothing to miss but his absence; until the first time Sooji saw him after the whole incident, he still looked dashing after all those months. Yeonjun was dressed up neatly in suit and tie with a beret on for the Soribada Awards, bagging another Rookie of the Year. She realized she missed him more than she had been grieving for his presence.

“Please wait a little longer, my first love, MOA.”

Sooji was not jealous, of course not. She was happy for him because he was back to the Yeonjun she knew a year ago: healthy, happy, positive, determined, and breathtakingly charming. Sooji didn’t know if her mind was tricking her but Yeonjun looked down at her from the platfrom, and as their eyes met again for the first time in an agonizing month or two, she felt her dull world flood with bursting vibrant colours.

Only to find herself in blue and grey when it lasted shorter than two seconds because he looked away so quickly as if he didn’t even see her. Sooji understood. She had to love him from a distance because he was never meant to be hers. She was learning that moping from missing him didn’t mean she wanted him back. As much as Sooji wished he could have been hers, she had to leave for the better. Sooji thought deeply about how she was wrong for many things but when she said their relationship was destroying them both, she was right.

“Noona!” She heard a chorus of loud voices screaming on the lobby. The event was done and they were just waiting for their service to pick them up but there’s been a traffic on the receiving area since many idols were going home too.

Sooji smiled with excitement as she excused herself from her group. “Hey, my favorite dongsaengs! I missed you! Congratulations on the award!” 

The three of them gave her tight hugs while blubbering words she couldn’t comprehend because they were all talking at the same time.

“Yah! Kang Taehyun and Kai Kamal Huening, why were you both sick!” Sooji scolded them, playfully squeezing their cheeks.

“Noona, are you okay? I really missed you.” Hueningkai pouted as Taehyung basically tried to rip Hueningkai from her to stop clinging in public.

“Yeah. Of course, I am.” She gave them a small smile. “Your hyung? I heard what happened to him.” 

“He’s okay than the last time.” stated Taehyun as if he instantly knew who they were talking about.

Sooji tilted her head in curiosity as she asked. “What do you mean than the last time?” 

“He still has the back pains... he tries to hide it but we notice it every practice.” Beomgyu said while rubbing his nape awkwardly. “Oh— were you talking about Soobinie-hyung?”

“But he performed earlier.” Sooji muttered almost like a whisper, thinking deeply at how did he manage to make his performance look perfect when he hadn’t recovered fully percent.

“It’s Yeonjun-hyung, noona.” Taehyun said like it was already a known fact.

Hueningkai clapped his hands to get her attention. “But he’s taking care of himself more now compared to—”

“Yeah! He’s eating like Yeonjun-hyung now.”

“And the staffs savagely locked our studios to forbid him from overstaying so he’s been sleeping quite well.”

“Did you know he slept in the practice room for almost a month?” added Hueningkai with a disbelief expression as he pressed his fingers to his head more worryingly.

“Soobin told me.” She answered in a small voice, getting a bit uncomfortable because of the guild consuming her.

“They were extra close these days...” Beomgyu stated.

“It’s probably the leader and eldest thing.” Taehyung shook off. Sooji nodded her head as she absorbed all the information she got from the boys. Then her eyes landed on the person she had also been missing for months.

“Soobinnie!” Sooji yelled across the lounge as she caught glimpse of the tallest guy in the room walking towards their direction. 

Soobin smiled like the bunny he was and ran quickly to her. Sooji held out her arms wide as she waited and he scooped her up from her place and spun her around two times after she punched Soobin’s shoulders to stop because she was getting dizzy. They were making a scene and people were probably watching. 

“This is embarrassing.” Sooji grumbled when he set her down. The boys gave them space but they were still crowding over them.

“I missed my little sister, I don’t care.” He replied with a sassy tone, introverted persona was not present today.

“Soobin...” Sooji inhaled sharply at annoyance. “We’re twins!” 

“Hyung.” Sooji heard Taehyun whispered under his breath.

“What?” Soobin responded inattentively because he was about to talk to her.

“Not you, hyung. Hyung, Yeonjun-hyung.” Beomgyu stuttered before tugging a bit of her clothes for awareness. “He’s on his way here.”

Sooji gulped down heavily at the in coming situation but the luck had been on her side this time when Hyunjin tapped her shoulders. All the attention suddenly went to him as the other group’s eyes were shaking while they looked at him.

Hyunjin didn’t seem to mind as he focused on her. “We need to go.”

Sooji nodded at him before giving her final hugs and regards to the boys in haste because she was feeling his presence getting near them. Hyunjin was polite too when he bowed and bid his farewell and congratulated TXT before leaving with his hand placed on her lower back to guide her. She dismissed the idea of someone staring intensely at Hyunjin’s hand that she could feel it from behind.

Her body was still heavy and numb from sleeping on the make up table. Sooji probably fell asleep while they were preparing her. She was feeling beat because they woke up early and finished the last minute blockings for their fansigning event performance in Vietnam. 

Sooji sighed, hiding her face in the palms of her hands carefully that she might’ve ruin her make up. Sooji dreamt of Yeonjun again, only this time they were dancing in the practice room just like old days. She heaved another sigh, mad at herself for dancing even in her dreams. 

“What? It’s their comeback too?” Her mind was probably still unfocused but she heard Lia murmured something like that.

“Yes! They delayed it twice remember?” Ryujin answered with an excited yet quiet tone.

With perplexed sight, Sooji saw Yuna jumping vertically on the sofa where they were sitting. Chaeryeong was holding an iPAD on her hand as they watched something with so much anticipation.

“TXT’s next!” Yuna’s face lighten up again, cheeks flushing pink from the excitement. She always had a thing for other artists’ comebacks that she wouldn’t understand.

Sooji was now on full alert. Her heart swelled by hearing that name, thumping twice the regular beat.

A lot has happened ever since July. It was late October and she was mourning over their break up since it already sinked into her mind and the realization basically threw her on the pit, but Sooji tried so hard to focus on her schedules since they had a lot on their plate going on.

On the other hand, the thing with Yeonjun and Chaewon was still going on. Sooji didn’t know really because the last time she looked up on it was last week and she saw them together, but she knew the boys were there too from what Soobin texted her. WE ARE IDOLS really made it seemed like they were alone on a date.

“If Ji wakes up and hears you, I will punish you to do cardio!” Yeji warned lowly.

She stood up from the rigid chair that was causing her pains on her lower back now. The girls gasped as she stretched herself casually.

“Yuna.” Chaeryeong called.

Sooji laughed lightly to dismiss the awkward air wrapping up their surrounding and walked towards the couch. “Relax, let me watch.”

They perked up at her statement but they eventually nodded. Ryujin moving aside to give her space as they watched the emcee do their talking.

“TOMORROW X TOGETHER, come out! Come out!” An idol from the boy group NU’EST introduced.

Suddenly, Yeonjun and Taehyun came out from his back. Sooji’s mouth parted when she saw his hair was now dyed into sapphire. The blending of his natural dark color at the roots and the bright blue shade made for a stunning look. This new look of him exposed his appealing and manly style for their comeback theme.

Not to mention, they shared the same color.

“Hey, everyone! It’s TOMORROW X TOGETHER’s Yeonjun, coming back with The Dream Chapter: MAGIC!” He greeted so confidently with his charm that Sooji couldn’t help but release a small quiet laugh.

“You... you have the same hair color!” Yuna muttered under her breath.

Sooji couldn’t help but laugh because of the odds. The girls followed her reaction, cackling because of the sudden awkward tension. The music shows would probably be much more awkward when they see each other. 

Okay, maybe his was too bright and hers was a little ashy for the icy effects.