Archive of Our Own ^beta

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'huh' anker said as she arrived into da tokey sadme high School, 'there are no cool guyz here'

'ur wrong' web o she appeared behind hareruna, welding a guittar larger than nasa's big rockets, 'we have five hun drer d cool guys in time is sad high,,"

anneko shook her hed, 'no'

huweabosh blink, 'are you sure'

'yes'

'really sure'

'yes'

'really really sure'

'yes'

'really really really sure'

'shut up'

ooweebshay vanished into thin air. That's right. No more Weboshi...

Annaka proceeded to hearld into her classroom, and then she was horrified by what she saw...

mayonaisse nagumohara three

'plz, the orther iz goin to m8k a Furry Heedgeohg joke again...'

& knuckles

enneraka proceeded to have a fucking breakdown

Mayonnaise Nagumohara turned her head to face Anker, 'That's right. I am the new Mio now I will write all the yaoi instead of her and im even cooler because i have THREE wooden cubes can you even believe that im like 3 times stronger than her wait no thats not how math works If i have 3 cubes and she has 2 that means im like 3/2 of her power so like 50% percent stronger oh yeah baby."

annakae said ehh

miones did a cool pose, "do you know what i will do now" dramatic camera angles and heavy rock music beings playing, the kind that would cut shadow the hedgehog on its edge

"wat"

she went super saiyan "am goin to becom lord of da universeity"

"GASP"

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"oh no" haneeraka said "thyine yunavercity is the biggest thing"

"yeah and im going to taek ovah the hole eunaevoresitee"

"but how, how did you become mio 3"

"it is because i can beforem metoriscpsuchohsis"

"what"

"check the chapter summary"

"okay" annaka went to check the chapter summary

meanwhile, sit around the bonfire kids, i will tell you the story of how the mio got a Cquell

never mind annaker is bac i'll hide in the end notes

"Yeah how did you say it like that"

"say what"

"you said miosis like metoriscpsychosis"

"its a regional dialect"

"but how you gonna take over the eunaieevureosaytay?"

'check this shit out' meo teleported harunekape an a car five hun dred meters into the sky, and they had a grand view of the entirety of Tokisadame. She teleported them even higher, this time 1000 meters above, and they could see even beyond that, seeing buildings from another city bordering upon the horizon. Mio 3 then had them appear over a desolate landscape, with a purple sky and heavy air, such Annaka had the feeling that they were not on the same planet anymore.

A swirling disk of air appeared in naganuerhoaea's han, and the light refracted in it, giving a few glimpses of colorful light inside it.

she drop air disk, and the entire planet explode

'wow' said ancakekra.

'yeah.' mao said, 'the faster it moves the bigger it explosionsed.'

they teleported back to school

shit, thought arnercore, i cant let her live

i am sorry, cuz i can read your mind

oh shit

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and then she went "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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shiiiiiiiiiiii

naganoenakmera melon teleported alucard into the skies and got rede to ecks plowed her

BUT THEN!

anekr pulled out her Colt Single Action Army Revolver and fierd, lunching heself itno at 500 merters pers econd into the CITY

annaka in the city

'shit if maento gets here i will die i need back up'

'sorry' meaw said as she apaerd behind anearke, 'you dead now'

'actually nada' haarka said, 'becase that its a fake fverstion of me'

'What!?' mio said, as the ankaner revealed itself to be a cardboard cutout.

mio smirked.

'but i knew you would do that, because im have 1294 IQ,,, and i've already place a GPS tracker on yor real body and attacked your cutout to lure you out tog loat.'

'uh oh' ankyera said as neaguneher fired a blast, enveloping her entire body

'well thats done' miso began hovering, but then was surprised!

'can't believe you fell for it, i thought you were smarter than that' annie's voice buzzed in meynos phone, 'because that wasn't me, that was a hologram! im not even in the city at all!'

'huh!?'

'didn't you see when i fired my Colt Single Action Army Revolver, i fired it twice, meaning that accounting for the 1000 meterats per second, and the roation of the earth, i landing ina complete differnt place! namely, the brish isles where i can find my comrades'

anakae was pretty proud of her epic keik, but then misato tachermabna apppeared behind her.

'you dumbass.'

'what!?' anakear turned around to see mistlesoteo.

'that's a Winchester Model 1897 are you fucking blind, the extra power means you flew at 2500 metats ervery sermdon, and you aren't int he rbaitcihs isels, you're in the Never Lands which is my domain'

'shit!!!!!!' Annaka looked at her Colt Single Action Army Revolver, and saw that it was indeed a Winchester Model 1897.

'how did you not see that i replaced it you dumbass, i thought you were better than this'

'it was all part of yu plan all along...' haunescape fell to her neas.

'no, it was all part of MY plan.' sonic-color haired girl said.

'what!?!?!?!' misefro and asnkr said in unison.

'because i knew you would do that misato, so i platned my mio 1 in the Never Lands. and i can switch my body with Mio 1, so now i am ehre.' mio got ready to explisoned the two feamles huamsn.

yare yare daze narkermoora said, watching from her netflix televsion these people are too stupid to realise that the entire planet there is fake and it will self destruct in 5 seconds

wait a second that isn't mio naganoara from niehcijohu! that's mio from nothera anime!!

was the one hwo did miosis not even nianechujou mio???

mai showed up behind nakuramea, 'thats right i replaced these people with fakes so i could reveal your secret plan to explode a fake planet'

'but how i made sure you stubbed your toe so you would be too distracted to do that'

'yes indeed i stubbed my toe, but that was actually so you could think you could start your plan too early'

'what!?'

'as you can see i secretly turned the planet backwards by a few hours so you'd activate your plan too early and give me time to counter you'

'fuck!'

this went on for quite a while.

mean while, sakamoto was sleeping in his bed. it was a good sleep.

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sakamoto's eyes jolted open as he realised he was in a strange place.

'wait, this isn't my house! this is walmart!' sakamoto said surprisedly, because he was surprised. sakamoto remembered the previous night, when he broke into a bar and drank all their alcohol in 2 seconds because hakase dared him to. 'shit!'

'oi kid, what are you doing here, cats shouldn't be in my walmart.' A voice said behind sakamerokapt.

'huh?' the felis catus turned around to see another cat that looked like him, but even buffer. 'who are you? sakamoto 2 or something?'

'no you silly, sequels or clones are fucking stupid. i am your father, salvador sakamoto.'

'so you're the man i was looking for all my life' sakmaoter jr said

'yeah'

'shit what now'

'you're not allowed in this walmart im kicking your ass'

meanwhile

'holey shits i finaerly got away form mpoeiio it only took me like 5 hours and 12382091830928099^2919 billioneth °C plans' harta anas said, as she collapsdeddeded on the planet C-148 L-21181321137125 U-69 B-612 other wise knuewn as planet CLUB

'ugghhhhhhhh im so tireddddddddd' amankaeray said

'im sorry for multiplying the amount of plans you had by 6.8% it was very necesuary' misatkeoae appeared from underhte ground

'no im still angy'

'dang how can i get you to forgive me'

annaka droped a giant boat on top of mistaoeeaooso

'ow'

'now we're even'

'okay'

'okay'

'so how do we get the backup to defeat mio:the continuation special edition'

'we need someone cool'

'but weaubauaooshiteee doesnt wanna help'

'she aint cool'

'oh :(((( but she is'

'actually she's 310 kelvins'

'why did you use kelvin'

'because the orfer used celcius for the joke earlier and it'd sound annoying if i used it again'

'what'

'nothing'

Suddenly, ooehbowshe formulated her physical entity in the general area.

'which one of uayiui mopoeple called me uncool i can literally form metal guitars out of thin air and i take over the moon in an unrelated webcomic'

'nice you are here'

weboshi said 'damn' and then turned to leave, but miss a toe stopped her, 'it's illegal to be on this planet'

the inner rebel inside webasea awakened and she built a fortress on planet CLUB and invited everyone on earth to live on it under the disguise of a nigerian prince

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Background

Hirose was born to Nakanishi and Iseri Hirose, who were working for the Daiku family at the time. The owner of the Daiku Monarchy(or Daiku Corp for short), Derek Daiku, quickly grew a liking to the boy, and frequently visited the Hirose Dynasty Clan Building to see him. It was during these times that Hirose got to see his father demonstrate his butlering skills, which would later on form his strong foundation for butlering early in his life. Hirose mastered the basics of Servitude by the age of 5, which was impressive because he was the only 5 year old butler at the time who achieved this(there were no other 5 year old butlers at the time).

At age 7, Hirose had difficulty understanding the skill of Toasting, until Salvador Sakamoto appeared in his room and sparred with him. It was in this battle that Hirose had finally understood what it meant 'to kill a gnome'. The resulting battle caused the Hirose Dynasty Clan Building to explode, killing everyone inside it, except for Hirose, Nakanishi, Iseri, Salvador, and Derek. After seeing the aftermath, Nakanishi Hirose put a binding Chauffeur Bond between Hirose and Derek Daiku's son, Kenzaburou Daiku, causing Hirose to serve under him, so that Hirose's power might be kept under control. Unbeknownst to him, Salvador had also secretly put a delayed binding Chauffeur Bond between Hirose and Salvador's son, Sakamoto, during their spar, which would activate years later when Sakamoto had perfected his Ultimate Muscle Form.

Serving for the Daiku family, he formed a bond with Kenzaburou, and Kenzaburou would often try to chat with him, although the conversations were rarely fruitful due to Hirose's position as a butler not allowing him to casually speak with Kenzaburou. Hirose's butlering ability in the Daiku house earned him the title of 'a reliable guy', coined by Kenzaburou himself. His Servitude and Toasting skills continued to grow, but the Daiku family never pushed him to train his Demoestacastionism, despite his lack of control in it. When he asked Derek Daiku when he would be able to improve his Demoestacastionism, he was told that it would be when the time would come that 'A pretty smart guy will be guided by fate' to give him the required training.

On the 19th of August, 2001, Kenzaburou bet Hirose 5 dollars if he could defeat the Anti Butler Lord, who resided in South Africa. Hirose, desperately in need of the 5 dollars to buy himself a milkshake, eagerly accepted. After Hirose's initial bout with the Anti Butler Lord, he quickly found that his butlering skills were not sufficient to defeat him, and it awoke a desire for growth and challenge deep within himself. He spent the entirety of September refining his Servitude, studying Eugene Allen and Sebastian Michael Is, before finally reaching the butlering power required to defeat the Anti Butler Lord, by using a sword. In this period, Hirose developed a severe addiction to the 'Dancing Baby' meme, a 3D rendered animation of a baby dancing, and would spend hours on end staring at the looping animation, killing anyone who would try to intervene.

Hirose was not aware of the events in Japan during his time in South Africa, which is why he was surprised when he returned and learned of the appearance of Salvador Sakamoto in the Great Town Square, where all the butlers in Japan(Nakanishi and Iseri) were relieved of their positions as butlers, and Salvador earned a job at Target. He also learned of the Sakamoto Family Contract, where Sakamotos would be able to hold the souls of butlers from the Hirose family, formed after a duel by the Hirose Butler ancestors and Salvador Sakamoto the Negative Fifth. Shocked by this revelation, Hirose now had the resolve to defeat Salvador, and looked to Derek on advice for this. Derek bestowed a new sword(it was 2 cm longer than his previous sword) and sent him and his parents to the mountains to train, being met by nobody else beside Kenzaburou when he occasionally visited on his Blackbird.

After years, The King(Also known as John Smith) held the King's Ceremony in his backyard, and all the butlers in Japan were summoned to attend. Hirose showed up as the only participant. He was bestowed the title of 'a pretty good butler' and was tasked to defeat Salvador Sakamoto, because Salvador had stolen a tuna casserole out of John's fridge once. Hirose readily accepted this, as this was already his initial goal.

Kenzaburou, seeing the lack of control Hirose had in Domestacastionism, decided to hand him over to the heir of the Sasahara family, Kojirou Sasahara, because of the rumors that Sasahara might have a gun. From then on, Hirose served under Sasahara, slowly growing his Domestacastionism in the process. The last words Derek said before he left were 'Aw yeah, that's pretty cool.' These words were not said to him.

One day while Hirose was following Sasahara outside, he heard a guy from Walmart complaining about a man named Salvador. Now knowing that Salvador Sakamoto was in Walmart, and that his butlering skills were ready, he began the perilous trip to Walmart to confront Salvador.

also nakanishi died of gangrene lol

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hey guys its thomas jones here and today we are going to be hosting a very skilled compertisseun, if you nnsaer this questin, you'll get a chance to win a lifetimes suplay of die fuck you. god, die fuck you is so good, anyways herest he question

what is the definition of pusillanimous

tananananananananaka listened to this question and he mailed in the epic correct answer

'ur mom'

suddenly, the world shook and the muscle mass of tanka's arms increased by one hundred percent, it was sad that a guy was breaking into his hous e adt the time because he isntatnyl teleported to that guy and slapped him to death holy shit

tanaka booked a trip to hawaii to get his life time supply of die fuck you, but on the way to the aresport, the car fell over and he found himself underground

woahahaooahaaahah

shut the fuck up

what was he going to do

suddenly, tanakakan detectived the scent of a guy walking above ground, and he became ga ghost like danny, and flew up tot he seruvface to steal his body

the guy died

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nakanananoajeuw awakenaed tsuyoshi and he realised his leg muscles where eckstremely stongke!

and then, he exploded.

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"HGhGhaah what the FUCK whas that noise!"

everyone turned to look at the earth, and they saw a black hole where the earth used to be

"man"

mean while, maho manahganajheara was bsuy taking voer the rest of the unaiverse, and she was starting to realise the universe is just huge big streatches of othing.

'damn this is boring' so she teleported back to earth and was instantly sucked into the black hole and broke her leg

she was tranceported into an alternative universe where people were crying for help, but nobody came because everyone on earth was wiped out by a virus called the virus, also the world was on fire

it was not a very suitable place for miosis, because there were alot of dinosaurs, and dinosaurs were not good for miosis.

mio approached one of the dinosaurs, and said, 'i am mio' said mio, and then the dinosaur began floating into the air, and then it became another mio.

'wow. what a coincidence. i am also mio'

but before she could convert all the dinosaurs into a mio army, she remembered her leg was broke and she fell over

'ahhh my leg is broken" mio said, and the other mio fell over from a broken leg, like a person who had a broken leg, because she had a broken leg too, "ahhh my leg is broken too"

"goddamn this is the weakness of miosis"

she needed to fixes broeken leg, so she teleported into the WORLD OF DARKNESS, WHICH WAS GOOD BECAUSE USERS OF MIOSIS CAN HEAL VERY QUICKLY WHEN THEY ARE IN THE WORLD OF DARKNESS

BUT THEN MIO SAW A SHOGI PIECE IN THE WORLD OF DARKNESS AND SAID OH FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOIG HERE" naguananohara young scremed

"i just came to say hi haha" agnagaunohara older said

"DON'T FUCK WITH ME YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT HOW DID YO GET IN HERAE"

"okay mio naganohara you need to really calm down and stop freaking out when you don't even have the facts straight i know that it must be really surprising that i somehow infiltrated into your world of darkness but really i feel as if you wouldn't be reacting this way if someone else came in here, like you're biased against me and only overreacting because it's me who entered this dimension and what im saying is that you really need to keep your emotions in check or else it could be really detrimental to your development later on as someone can really exploit that weakness against you and to be honest this is why it is always so easy for me to perform super funny pranks on you without much effort because you don't take the time to correctly assess the situation correctly you just start running when you see someone wearing a bear head or break into a tantrum when you lose the strawberry on your cake and your abilities are really amazing and it would be a waste if you were to be defeated so easily just because you could not keep your emotions in check when it is a serious situation how can you maintain your composure if someone gains the upper hand on you during your quest for world domination or universe domination or whatever the heck you're trying to accomplish and on the other hand you probably shouldn't be striving for a goal like that in the first place since it really does not make sense other than the fact you want to show off your own capabilities after obtaining the power of miosis when you could be doing so much greater things it is not the way to find inner peace and i know this is starting to sound a bit hippie like but you should really look within your heart and learn to gain happiness from loving and not violence because what will you do after conquering the universe and performed miosis an abyssmal number of times what will be there left for you to do and i know that you are really grieving the fact that there is not a season 2 of your anime show but you have to learn how to accept things because that is how you can feel at ease when getting things that dont go your way well im not saying you ought to accept everything that happens to you but if it is something that you cannot change it is a waste of thought to think about it too much you can accept the feelings that reside within you and then move on to the things that you can change and that's how you do things in accordance to nature you are trying to resist the universe so that gets really tiring but why not just go with the flow since it is easier that way if you are water then the rock in your path will not be much of a problem to you as opposed to if you keep trying to push against it now this all sounds like some idealistic philosophic virtue stuff but you don't need to be a sage just be a decent person and i believe it will be alright for you and i think you know i just said this entire speech to you to distract you from the fact that i somehow got into the world of darkness because you're a smart girl but that's too bad because even then i am not going to explain how i got in here and this uncertainty gives me a psychological edge against you as information can be a really powerful tool in battle when used correctly not that i am going to battle you but it is essential that i keep a bargaining chip close to me if anything ever goes wrong i have a home to return to you have a home to return to why don't we go back home and watch some tv together you don't need to hurt the people around you and you've already caused some people to fight against you and as your sister i feel concerned about that but you are ethically in the wrong here so i will oppose you if i have to(not that it's much of a necessity here or that i care much about this sort of thing) so that the people outside will not be hurt i will let you know that i know how your corkscrews and miosis works so you really don't have any element of surprise here unless you have a power that i am not aware of and i am not denying the fact that you have a large pool of potential but i am confident i would be able to defeat you i know the power that hope can bring and i've already abused the concept of misdirection enough to know what works and doesn't work on you so i hope you can see that and reflect upon yourself so that you can make the decision that is best for you and for everyone in life and speaking of misdirection i can tell that you think i am using it right now well maybe i am maybe im not you can't really tell just from this so ha if i am misdirecting you it is working either way hell maybe there will be a secret punchline at the end of this paragraph and maybe i've snuck some things in here that will be relevant in other forms of this story or not i could just be trolling you because i am funny prankster like that and the author could just be trying to break the one thousand two hundred and eighty eighty word length for run on sentence william faulkner wrote in his book absalom absalom without knowing it this would be a valid entry for a record or not but just because he thought it would be really funny and is a gag used often in the webcomic tails gets trolled if you were paying attention but anyways yeah you have glaring weaknesses which can be used against you in the future and that you need to work on and im only telling you this because we have a bond its not really a logical thing to do seeing the circumstances but i do have the emotional compulsion to tell you that even though at the moment there's not much of a reason to do so so i hope you can take my words to heart(not all of them some of them were jokes) like hey maybe you can check up on how your friend- what was her name youkae or something im not really sure i think she might appreciate hanging out again sometime and just so you know you're not the only megalomaniacal supervillain here like have you ever heard of the one from walmart i heard thats a really big threat too nowadays and all this is really giving us a headache i only recently just found out about the world of darkness last night and to admit i did not get much sleep last night, only about 12 hours or so ha ha i can see the look on your face yeah im just messing with you i only slept 13 see this is what i was talking about you get irritated too easily and when anger gets to you you lose sight of any tactical elements that might help or work against you like the fact that i was basically stalling for time this entire time for an unknown event to happen again im keeping this a secret because remember information is an important tool also

do you know why you can't beat me with miosis

because i'm mio's sis"

Mio Naganohara let out a primal scream.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP"

rite then a portal opened and yoshenaro left

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Because it wasn't soba.

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makoto did not see this one coming, but it seemed he was addicted to fish. he goes to the doctor, who says, “eat fish oil”

it worked because he was no longer addicted to fish.

the problem was that he was now addicted to fish oil

"weel shit"

ogi, his friend who liked to play io socce, said, "sorry man but can you not gud fwing? you are making me insane"

"OKAY FINE." makoto replied calmly, flipping a table, "i have 50 bucks"

"ok"

oggy sunk into the ground and was never seen again

"ffs"

Suddenly, a giant portal opened in the ground and Yoshino Naganohara appeared from it.

"Hey, wanna check out the limited edition dragon supermarket?"

"no"

Yoshino Naganohara killed him.

BREAKING NEWS

makoto sakurai has fucking died. the only evidence left behind at the scene were some footprints, but for now the only thing that the police have deduced from this was that he should have played baseball, or igone to get some bitches instead.

anyways on to the next news

a giant structure seems to have been built on the moon, and from the looks of it it seems pretty rad, except for the fact that the moon just disappeared five minutes ago. maybe it's going through a phase

this just in, we have been scammed there was no limited moon edition dragon, there is no moon, and the entire news station is a giant advertising scheme by PMC, which stands for propaganda machine conspiracy.

this was all a trap for the fish monsters to take over, we have been invaded by the fish man named mr inferno, who claims to be the god of 'volcanos and fire', and is going to rule the world

and as fecchan was watching the news, she was slightly concerned

"maybe i need to go check out the moon"

she called an uber to the moon and the journey began

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Anker’s taunts cannot stop her.

mizato was firing like a billion guns at anka who was running away and screaming, then she dug a hole to the other side of the moon

'damn those guns are crayzee, if she ever dyes im taking them'

suddenly the lights turned off

annka remembered that lights did not exist on the moon, inless the sun had a switch or som3thing and looked up

the sky was electric guitars

annaksna went back into the hole she dug and hid as the moon took more abuse than my dignity after i make a typo and everyone starts making fun of me for it

'damn they didnt have to be THAT mad i called their moms fat'

mean while

salvador was walking downe the street when suddenly a fish appeared

'im going to beat you up' said the fish

'what' salvador said, because he could not understand fish language

salvador fought the fish all the way to the hospital, and there were a lot of injuries due to the size of fish, which was very big

sakamoto, who was following the entire time, ran away from the scene

salvador called for a time out, and went to the nearest starbucks to chill

'can i get a discount'

'no'

'fuck you'

salvador's eyes became red and his face became an angry face because he was angry and evil now

'wtf' thought sakamoto
salvador paid for his coffee with the last of his money

suddenly a coffee appeared in his hand

'i don't have any money' he he siad in a sad tone
the barrista did not understand his language, and just gave him the coffee

salvador was happy because there was now coffee in his hand
he wanted to buy something else

but he did not have enough money

he was now sad

he left the shop to find some way to get money

'coffee tastes bad' he thought sadly

suddenly, hirose appeared

'im going to beat you up' said hirose

'okay' said salvador, because he could understand hirose language

they fought, and it was a very hard battle because hiroes fighting style was very advanced
hirenses fists were like jab, cross, uppercut, hook, backfist and for the first time in a trillion years,
salvador was punched in the face forty-three times

'can i have a coffee' he asked in a sad tone 'sure' said the barrista 'hey hey whats going on' sakamoto said arriving he was quickly kicked out of the store by the enraged barrista salvador drank the coffee and suddenly he could understand everything the machine was accidentally turned on, and then all the fish came to make coffee and they could think in Spanish now

anyways hirosay igo in a fire extinguisher like manner and the fire extinguisher turned into a giant robot that could fly then he igo on the robot to attack salevaro with his own weapon which was a sword and it was the size of a skyscraper 'watch this son' said salvador and then uppercuted huroas into spazce 'im sic' salvador said

he quick igo to the right, igo to the left, igo in circles and pretty much everything he saw until the world was his then he igo on some seashores of a giant ocean and then he igo on an island, which had some giant statues then he igo to an all banana island and then he igo into a volcano he igo into the center of the earth

'can i have one of those big macs? 'embrace the fishman' said sakamoto and took out his wallet to pay for it then the starbucks closed and then it was closed forever because the government told them to do it because they used all the resources 'that was a fun day' said sakamoto, 'i need to go home soon' 'wait let my show you domething cool first' said salvador he igo into a trapdoor in the floor 'follow me' he said and ran down the stairs

sakamoto ran after him down they went down many flights of stairs until they reached a large subterranean area the lights were all dim, and there were weird blue lights coming from the walls they spotted two metal rings in the ground 'these are cool' said sakamoto 'you can put your feet in them to relieve the cramps while you are walking around down here' 'awesome' said salvador 'i can also use them to make the chainsaw sound effect when i drive my car over them' he dropped to his knees in front of one of the rings and stuck his foot in it he began kicking the metal ring rapidly while making chainsaw noises sakamoto placed a hand over his mouth to silence him 'this is what its like being in a gurney derby' he said and pushed the rings sakamoto followed and pushed the rings really fast they spun the rings really fast and sakamoto jumped on one and salvador on the other then they let go of the rings and started jumping around like idiots sakamoto made a weird whooping sound grinning from ear to ear, sakamoto ran over and picked up one of the metal rings and dropped it down the hole he whooped again they repeated this process a few times, getting louder and more excited each time then they headed back up to the starbucks to end the story there

'i told you it was cool' said sakamoto as they arrived at the starbucks
'the chainsaw sound effects are only available for me' said salvador

then they remember starbusk was shut down forever by the government and they headed home
at home, sakamoto immediately igo over to his room
he spent hours writing about the adventure
he didn't make any silly grammar mistakes, and he didn't use any words that weren't in the dictionairre
hakase asked him what je was writing anf he told her to shut up
but every night he igo over to his computer to write about chainsaws and dum dum dah da dum, dum dum dah da dum, chainsaw dum dum dah da dum, chainsaw dum dum dah da dum, chainsaw dum dum dah da dum, chainsaw dum dum dah

Chapter Text

Kenzaburou Daiku opened the door to his father's office.

The room was large, decorated with an old style that Kenzaburou didn't like at all, and it smelt like old smoke. There was a large desk in the centre of the room, with three high backed chairs around it. Kenzaburou took the seat on the right, closest to the door.
The floor was lined with marble, a beautiful grey, but with purple veins running through it.

Kenzaburou always thought the purple veins looked like writhing snakes. Snakes that had turned to stone, frozen in time, forever frozen in the moment when they had moved. It was childish, but he occasionally pressed his foot into the marble to see if he could feel the snakes move.
On the far wall, behind the desk was a large map of the city. Important roads were marked in red, other roads were simply numbered. Various districts were colour coded based on whether they were rich or poor, crime ridden or safe, old city or new city. Each building was numbered, and the numbers corresponded to letters of the alphabet.
His father had explained the map to him once, when he was seven. Kenzaburo couldn't really remember what they had talked about, his memory was hazy at best, but he knew it had something to do with the letters A through G. G for whatever reason.

His father took the seat on the left, nearest to the desk.
Kenzaburou waited patiently for his father to begin. His hands were twisted together, and he was making little nervous movements with his feet. Kenzaburou thought he looked like a pruny bear.

'Kenzaburou, you are the only person I trust in this world.

"Dad, what did you call me here for?"

'So I take it you've heard about what happened."

"A lot of things have happened. Could you be more specific?"

"Nah. Anyway, I'm going to be away for a while."

"What? Where are you going?"

"We've developed a new product, an energy drink I'm really excited about. It's going to take me to China for a meeting. There's a guy there that's going to help us bring the drink to the market."

"You want me to take over for you when you're gone?"

"What? No, of course not, you're only seventeen for Christ's sake. I'm sure the only thing you care about is your friend's murder."
"Sakurai..." he paused, as if trying to remember the guy's name.

"Do you know who did it?"
"Yeah, it was on the news-"

"They arrested one of the students from your school, based on the footprints found at scene. Murder weapon was found in the river with his DNA on it. His alibi is pretty shaky, too."

"Well-"

"It wasn't him."

"Huh?"

"It wasn't him. Shimonita doesn't even have a motive. He doesn't even know Sakurai."

You could cut the silence with a knife. Kenzaburou said nothing for a moment, as if considering his father's words.

"Do you want to know who did it?"

Kenzaburou nodded.
"Okay." He began, "Look, a few years ago a man by the name of John Smith discovered a brand new continent, it was locked away tight by some kind of spell. He sent people there to open it up, but they all died. It seemed the continent was on another plane of reality, and we got to work on researching it. There was so much we learned in just a few years. So much we couldn't comprehend. But I'll tell you what we do know. That continent isn't the only place of it's kind, its the gateway to another dimension. In some ways it's similar to Earth, in other ways it isn't. The beings that live there have confined themselves by making their world like a giant reality bubble.

The only way to access this continent, is to use a special technique the alters the wavelength of your very being. It's highly dangerous and one wrong move could cause you to die, but that hasn't stopped some idiots from turning this thing into a sport."

"Wait, you're not talking about-"

"That's right, the technique that can access this continent is Igo Soccer."
The man begins to laugh, and Kenzaburou joined him. Awkwardly. 'When I first found out about this, I swore it was a joke. I've been working with the government, but I was having trouble convincing them of the reality of this situation. So, Daiku Corp took the matter into their own hands. They own basically everything anyway. The project was classified, so naturally some of our guys leaked the information to the Tech Blog, which started a new artistic movement,pretty great stuff. But our R&D department has made a machine that can harness the power that Igo Soccer gives off, to make for safer transfer into the new continent. Oh, and, by the way, it's been years and we haven't named the place yet, what do you think it should be called?"

"I... think..."

The room seemed to get wavy, and the lights felt as if they had dimmed. Of course he wasn't stranger to the idea of Igo Soccer doing strange things, but this was really taking it to a new level.

"What if we called it...Igo Island?"

"It's... A lot bigger than an island, but it sounds catchy. I'll consider it."
The room gets normal again, and Kenzaburou was looking out the window, out over the entire district.
The landscape outside of the window was just a big big gray, but that didn't stop Kenzaburou from staring at it with interest. Buildings stretched on for miles, and cars drove by using roads. He turned to his father.

"What does this have to do with Sakurai?"
Kenzaburou's father tried to do the spinny thing with his seat, but it wasn't a swivel chair, so he just turned awkwardly. He picked up the chair and rotated it to face away from his son.

"Well, it seems our scientists have found out that people enjoy this game so much, a part of their soul can be transported to the other world while playing, but only while playing. There's a chance that there might be some of Sakurai's soul left over in that dimension from all the times he played Igo Soccer. It's not 100%, but I'm sure you want to see for yourself. If enough of him is there, you could just ask him for yourself."

"Is it dangerous?"

"Hell yes. All the more reason to go for it. You may never come back. Though I can understand if you decide not to do it."

"How do I get there?"

"Damn, that was a quick decision. You sure you don't want to think this over?"

"No. If I do, I'll change my mind." "Good idea. Follow me." They walked out of the room and Ken started to follow his father down the hallways, until they arrived at an elevator.

His father reached out, as if he were about to press the button, but then slapped the wall next to it. A contraption sprung out, and a hammer appeared out from the wall and slammed into the elevator button. A trapdoor opened out from below them and they fell downwards where a portal was opening. The two fell through into a completely dark room.
"A... basement?" Kenzaburou said.
"Oh, sorry, I thought you've been here before. We have like a whole network underneath this place. People think we're weird, but it's useful."

"Huh?" Kenzaburou asked.
"Never mind."

He looked around, rubbing his eyes. The only thing he could notice was that it was pretty cold.

"Can you turn the lights on or something?"
"Don't have control over the lights, this is just an intro room. Just move forward."

He nodded, though it wasn't like anyone could see him, and stepped a few paces forward. The natural instinct of fearing he would walk into something kicked in, so he slowed down and had his arms in front of himself.

He couldn't really see where the ground was, the only thing he could sense was his own body. Walking was a strange experience. He couldn't even feel his feet touching the floor, but somehow he knew he was walking forward anyway.
He suddenly heard a mechanical sound, and the room appeared around him. He squinted as his eyes needed to get used to the light.
"Welcome to Lab 54." Kenzaburou's father said, in a monotone voice.
The room was small, with only a few pieces of technological equipment that Ken didn't recognize. A poster was taped onto the gray wall that read "Live, experience, die!"

He didn't really think that was a very motivating or inspiring decoration.
There were two white plastic chairs in the middle of the room, a small metal table between them, about knee height. A green light was blinking on the table.

At the end of the room was a large machine. It looked like a cross between a hospital bed, a dentist's chair, and something out of a horror movie. The large machine had cables rising from it and several drawers opened along the front. A red bulb was located on top of the machine, which was emitting a low hum. A large glass cylinder made up the main portion of the machine, with a smaller tube attached to it on the left side.

"So that's the thing that'll take me to Igo Island?"
"Yeah. What do you think of it?"

"It... looks painful." Kenzaburou said.

"Man, what's with people calling it that? The last guy who tested the thing said it looked like 'the physical manifestation of getting shanked by a pencil'." Ken's father said, pouring himself a glass of wine.

"Here, take this." He continued, handing Kenzaburou a small brown bottle.

Kenzaburou stared at it.

"What's this?"

"Your welcome to Lab 54 gift."

Silence.

"You also need to take it before you go into the machine or else you die."

"Oh." Kenzaburou opened the bottle and chugged it. It tasted like cough medicine, but he expected it would. He placed the bottle on the table and shuddered.
"Your last chance to change your mind." His father said, looking at him with cold eyes.
"Let's do this."
He entered the opening in the machine and stood within the glass cylinder.

"I'd give you a speech about how determination will give you the ability to defy death and fight against the afterlife, but I don't think you'd really care. In fact, I highly recommend you don't listen to anything I say. Contrary to popular belief, I do not know everything."

Kenzaburou nodded.
"This machine will pump a certain chemical into your blood stream. While it won't kill you, it will provide you with enough mental stability that you will survive. Go ahead and do one of your Igo Soccer poses."

Kenzaburou did so, and his father went ahead and pushed a button.

"Man, I can't wait to see the look on your mom's face when she finds out I just sent you to another dimension-"

Kenzaburou lost consciousness.

Chapter Text

'hey whats up guys'
'oh hye fecchan' weboshi said 'whats up'
'i'm on the moon'
'holy crap you're here' said misato
'yeah'
'hey so what do you think of the view?' said weboshi
'WOW the moon is so beautiful'
'wanna go get lunch' said misato 'sure'
and then they left for lunch ankanka was now all alone on the moon
'well i guess i should go get some water'
aaakare went to the lunar lake and looked at the water for a bit then suddenly hirose landed on the moon 'ow'

'i told you to get eaten by minotaurs'
'they were killed by the new romanians'
'who' 'is a great nation'
'sounds legit' ankae said, 'so what u doing here'
'i was fiting salveraod and he punched me to the moon'
'huh'
'what about u'
'im geting water'
'beside that'
'oh the mayo bitch is trying to take over the unvaierse so im trying to stop her'
'cool'
'gimme that sword by the way'
'no'
'im going to beat you up'

Chapter Text

Kenzaburou Daiku suddenly found himself flying through the window of Daiku Burger, and slamming into the stone tiled floor. He winced in pain as he slowly pushed himself up to his elbows. He felt lightheaded, but knew he would be fine.

"Oh, heya, Daiku." Makoto said.

"Wh-" He scrambled to his feet to look around. It looked like he was in an ordinary Daiku Burger. Makoto was just sitting there, eating fries.
"What... Where am I?" Kenzaburou asked.

"The burger place."

"No- I mean, aren't you dead?"
"Huh? Oh... Yeah, I died." He said, as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

"You died?"
"Sure. Everyone does." He took a sip from his soft drink, "Well, I guess I'm not really dead. Igo Soccer is fun like that."
Kenzaburou was confused, "But how..."
"Oh, it's simple. If you practice Igo Soccer, your soul will move here a few milliseconds before your body dies. It happens even if you die instantly. It's kind of an odd quirk."

"That's..."
"Pretty weird, huh?"
"No... That's... I mean yes, but... How is that possible?"
"Yeah, nobody really knows. It might be the Universe's way of making sure someone scores a goal every now and then. Did you die or something?"
"Well... No..."
"What? Oh, whatever. How is this place?"
"Well, it feels exactly the same."

"What? I thought you'd say this place felt normal for once."
"What do you mean?"

"Well, haven't you noticed how the entire living world just feels, weird? Like nothing makes sense anymore there."

"No, not really."

"Weird. Maybe Daiku Corp has been doing stuff."

Kenzaburou realised he was so caught up in this, that he forgot that he was supposed to ask the important question.

"So, Sakurai."

"Yeah?"

"How did you, uh...die?"Makoto paused for a moment, and looked down.
"I was killed, actually." He said.

"Yeah, I know, who killed you?"

"Some girl." Makoto said, "She had like, long purple hair or something. She stabbed me with a wooden sword. I didn't even know that was possible."
"Huh. That's harsh."
"Anyway, she just stood there staring at me with this really blank face before leaving."

"What clothes was she wearing? Any other defining features?"

Makoto paused once again, "She was really pretty."

A pause.

"What? I'm already dead, I don't really care whether or not you guys over there catch her or not. Can I finish my lunch, first?"

Kenzaburou sighed, looking around, "Alright, fine, we'll get back to this later."

He left the building, looking around. There really wasn't anything much different between this dimension and the other one, besides the fact that everyone was an Igo Soccer player and there were just, far fewer people walking around.
He felt like there was something else out there, though. He could feel it. It was like an itch at the back of his mind that he couldn't reach.
He looked up at the sky, the clouds almost seeming to take up more space than they should.
This place was on a different wavelength of reality, right? If Igo Soccer was how you shifted to here, what else could it do?
Kenzaburou moved into an Igo Soccer stance, or atleast what he thought was one, anyway. He had brought some go stones in his pocket, so he grabbed them and-

"Hey hey hey wait!"
Kenzaburou was pulled back.
"What are you doing?"

He looked back to see Makoto there. He seemed a bit panicked.

"I thought I could-"

"You can't just do that, you know!"

"What?" "Igo Soccer here affects things in the other world, too. You just blew up one of Jupiter's moons. Don't tell anyone."

"Wait, really?"

Makoto paused, "Yeah, really."

“Damn.”

Chapter Text

“fuck off” anker said, because there were like 5 hirseaes kept teleporting everyawhere and trying to stab her*

ankasnaker swinged a bat and got a strike which kind of sucks because hirose blokced it and didnt get hurt

ananaka is so strong but it would be funny if hirose had a gun this fight would be so short

oh wait

Chapter Text

"ow shit' annkaer said because she got shot with a gun
"weapons are for peesants'" she is a lier

what they do this for ???

suddenly a fish guy landed on the moon

"i want milk" said the fish guy" where is the shop"

"there is no shop on the moon"

he whispers "attendance rewards"

they all hear screams far far away

‘It's 10,000X!!!!" the fish man sed, very angry nwo

"okay fine we'll go bie you sum milk" ankna said

"i want milk"

"i know"

but they codnn't buy malk becauz the erth was a black hole now
and Earth iznt there any more

Chapter Text

mio was bored there wasent anythin to kill or any1 to fight, boredome sat in the air and the world of darknesss sucked(because she was trapped in it)

mio was bored there wasent anythin to kill or any1 to fight, boredome sat in the air and the world of darknesss sucked(because she was trapped in it)

suddenly a poratl opened

"hi" sed anakar
"tf r u doing here" memo asked
"im here 4 moral support" she replies

"OH I SEE" she had an evil smile, because Annaka knew she was powerful so she was going to ask her for help, but Mio had an evil plan

"No Im just kidding I was just going to ask you to help us get milk"

"Then go get milk"

"No I can't because the world exploded"

"Oh I see" Mio thought REALLY Hard for a moment, and then came up with a brillaint idea "Hey can you open a portal to leave this place"

"Sure" Annaka moved her hand horizontally really quickly and a portal opened

When they arrived on the moon they met the fish guy who also really wanted milk

"Where is my milk" The fish guy asked angrily, because he was angry

"Where is your milk" Mio asked back smartly

The fish guy exploded

"WHAT THE F*CK JUST HAPPENED!?" Annaka asked because she didn't know what was happening

"Reverse Psychology" mio said (its when you do the opposite of psychology go look it up) "Okay you said you wanted to go get milk but there is no more earth so i will use my magical cube powers to revive the earth by making time go backwards"

"Wait what"

And then time went backwards(i was going to try and be quirky and post the entire chapters backwards but i think my fans would not like it so you can imagine this chapter but backwards)

Chapter Text

'huh' anker said as she arrived into da tokey sadme high School, 'there are no cool guyz here'

Annaka(from the present) teleported onto the scene 'You're right'

'what who are you'

"Hey do you have any milk" Annaka(from the present) asked Annaker(from the past)

"no"

"This was a bust" Annaka(from the present) said "Nevermind then also don't go into that classroom"

"okay"

Mio(from the present) walked out of the classroom now holding SIX wooden cubes, "I don't think there is any milk in this place(she knows because she asked memo(from the past)) so lets go further back" also she was like glowing because she is powerful and strong people glow

They went back to the events of Episode Two of the Real Nichijou anime, which was set 10 years ago, in the prehistoric age, which is why they have airships with elves in them.

Mio(From the past) woke up, feeling the general worry that one does when they realise the room is too bright and they haven't heard their alarm clock ring yet. She was about to check the clock, but the screams of "WHY IS THERE NO MILK" downstairs seemed to be a bigger attractor of attention. Had people broken into her house? Possibly with teleportation? Mio(From the past) tip-toed down the stairs to see what was going on.

She blinked. There was no way she was looking at a shitty MS-Paint version of herself and Annaka from her class raiding her fridge. She glanced from side to side wondering whether she was hallucinating or something.

Mio(from the present) noticed her and then teleported in front of her "Hey do you know where we can buy milk"

What? What? What? What? What?

"I think she's mute" Annaka(from the present) said

"Wait that can't be right because I am not mute"

"Well she isn't you she is like another version of you but with a different timestamp"

"Your right"

They teleported into Mio(from the past)'s room so Mio(from the present) could erase Mio(from the past)'s secksy drawing of hot men so she wouldn't accidentally give it to Yuuko later. The notebook exploded which meant there was no more drawing so they teleported to find milk meanwhile elf princess was board on her airship so she decided to take a pit stop in the town

Chapter Text

"Hi mio" Yuuko said as they were waulking home from school.

"Shut up Yuuko I'm trying to plan world domination." She said and then floated into the sky

"But you didn't finish your homework"

"i can wing it it's fine"

"Hey guys" Annaka said as she walked into the screen, "Weren't we like time travellers and trying to go find milk for some fish guy or something"

"I honestly don't remember"

"Well I have a feeling something impending is coming but what are we gonna do now"

"Idk I think we can hang out or something"

They flew off screen at a slow constant speed and then Yuuko turned to the screen to shrug before calling Mai

"Hey Mai"

"What"

"Wanna trade pokemon cards"

"Sure"

Yuuko quick travelled to Mai's house and brought her S tier pokemon deck to Mai's house

"What pokemon do you have Mai" Yuuko said excitedly

Mai placed one of her wooden buddhas on the table but it turned out that it WASN'T a buddha and actually a machine that could clean the air. The air was cleaned and suddenly the truth was revealed that mio and annaka were being weird becaues they were from the FUTURE

"What the fuck!!!!!!!!!!" Yuuko said

"That's a bad word" Mai said "Now I have to kill you"

Mai pulled out her KILLER buddha on the table and it came to life and starting running on all fours at Yuuko

Yuuko needed to get away so she boarded a train to Tokyo but she didn't know that the train driver was also Mai

Chapter Text

At first, she thought maybe she was hallucinating. Maybe she'd been like, way too exhausted after cranking out so many pages in order to keep up with the deadline for that manga competition. But no, she was certain it wasn't the exhaustion. Everything was much more colorful, except the colors were bursting outside the lines and left white spots everywhere like a children's drawing. And she was wearing a school uniform. In bed.

She also couldn't seem to move her body. Just look at that line work. Too rough. It was almost like she wasn't even moving. Then, she realized that she actually wasn't moving. Then suddenly she'd teleport into the spot she was 'moving towards' after a few seconds. It felt like being suddenly swung forward inside a stopping car, except the car was suspended in midair for some reason. This was freaky. This was really really really freaky.

'But I haven't finished my homework! I'm going to be in so much trouble if I don't!' she thought desperately, except that 'if' was a large word that she couldn't comprehend.

Why was she thinking about homework when space and time had decided to take a field trip and left the stove on? Her mind snapped to one thing that might still work properly, and she opened her mouth to try and say something, maybe "Help" or "Hello" or even an "Ahhhhhhhh", or maybe even a guttural scream, even though right now she felt like she was in one of those dreams where you could try and try to make a noise but nothing will come out but she felt like trying anyway.

"Hoough!¹"

Okay, that was way worse.

It felt like she said it, but the sound didn’t even come out from her, rather than a random speaker somewhere across the room, which was a mess of what looked like black and brown pixels right now. The sound was echoing all around the room. Her entire body felt like television static made of fabric string. Maybe she was having a stroke or something. Maybe she just died or something.

She looked around at the universe which had totally fallen apart on her this point, and wondered if it had actually broken down into its simpler forms, in which she had ascended(or descended) into a higher plane of reality and could see and all the particles that formed the cellulose of the wood of the walls and now even the largest cosmic structure² that astronomers has ever discovered was now simply just nothing more than a few crayon scribbles on the back of someone's math worksheet. She couldn't help but laugh for a second, thinking that even space and time themselves would be able to find a more entertaining and efficient way to deal with this situation, except of course that it wasn't really a joke. Why did her body feel more like a speaker when she made sounds now? You really take for granted that your voice vibrates like a bee's buzz rather than a self-contained electronic earthquake. And everything, even her own body, felt like it was on some kind of delayed feedback loop.

Moving was really frustrating, but eventually she figured out there was some way to make it easier. It was less of a task of actually moving and more of...Well. It turned out she could see the place at different points in time, in 0.3³ millisecond intervals. She had to reconstruct herself, sort of like an animator drawing in each frame. Technically she'd be moving normally, since she had all the time in the world to create her next body and hop her consciousness over, whatever time meant at this point. She somehow could see herself inside and outside time at the same time, which was really trippy. Eventually she realised she could just teleport anywhere she wanted, once she found out how to zoom out, though going anywhere stopped meaning anything to her since everything looked weird now.

She zoned out a bit, since she had no idea how long she had been there. She also had no idea what she was going to do, exactly.
The first place she teleported to was a mall. She had no idea where she was, but it seemed familiar, and she was pretty sure it was in the US. She didn't know how she knew that, however. There was zero interest in this place, so she scrolled over and recreated herself inside Tokisadame High School. She looked around, but she still couldn't recognize anything. This school didn't look familiar at all, so she just recreated herself inside her own house.
What the hell was wrong with her? This seemed like a really weird dream now. There seemed to be no rules to it, no logic to anything. She still felt really tired though. Maybe she should just sleep. Maybe the solution to everything was to just sleep forever.

Then she noticed something. Which was now weird to her, which wouldn't have been weird to her 'one minute ago', while she was still freaking out, because she could now notice everything at once, so her realising something new shouldn't have happened.
It was a continent on Earth, except there was something more to it. She mentally switched gears and she saw that there was a version of it that existed on another plane of reality. It seemed...Intact. Everything there actually looked sort of normal. The trees actually had branches, and the grass actually had blades. It looked very similar to what the world looked like before, except that all of the humans there were playing some weird ball sport or something.

She decided to pay it a visit.