Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Pikeman stalked through the woods, following a trail of breadcrumbs to Camp Campbell. It’s like the least efficient way to get there, like there had to be a hundred easier ways to get from the Woodscouts’ camp to Campbell. Pikeman what the fuck. Finally, he found the camp and searched for the poison he was sent there for. Neil must be some kind of backstabbing bitch to make something like this and leave it out in the open for anyone to see. Snake just happened to find it when planning the next… ‘Attack’. Though that never goes well, considering the one time they TP’d the camp, and Max, Nikki, and Neil just laughed at it.

“Got it!” Pikeman whispered to himself, grabbing the poison. “Now, that annoying bitch Max will finally pay! God, I hate him. Seriously, I don’t know his deal!” He shook his head, realizing he was forgetting what he was supposed to do. “Right. There’s no time to talk shit about him. I must finish this and leave before I get caught!” Trying not to bump into trees, he made his way to Max’s tent. “Shit.” Pikeman mumbled. Neil is there. Fortunately, he was asleep. He snuck into the tent, so far so good… Until--
He tripped.
“Fuck!” He whispered. Pikeman didn’t move a muscle. He was between the two, so he didn’t touch either of them. Thank god, he was safe. Now, to continue the mission-

Max shuffled around, tossing and turning in his sleep.

It felt like the world stopped. What if he woke up? Pikeman would be fucking dead if that happened. He waited a while, just to make sure Max didn’t wake up. He waited for about 5 minutes, making fucking sure he was sleeping. When it felt safe enough to make the final move, he went for it. He poured the poison into Max’s mouth, slowly but surely. He almost got it all, until--

“What the fuck?!” Max panic-swallowed, jolting up and punching Pikeman in the face. “What are you doing in my fucking tent, Pikeman?? And what the hell did you just give me?”

Oh shit. Pikeman didn’t answer him, it wasn’t worth it. He had to run. Max wouldn’t be able to chase him, and if he was, he wouldn’t get far. It would spread, and he would die. Pikeman bolted.

“Mother…” Max began to feel like he would pass out at any given moment. “...fucker..” And he did.

Chapter Text

“Max? Max!? Max, wake up!” A familiar voice called out to him. “Max!”

“Fuck off, Neil. I’m trying to sleep…” Max yawned into his pillow.

“Max, this is serious! Get your shit together and wake up!” Neil fucking screamed at him.

“Fine! God, what’s the big deal anyway?” Max sat up and looked at Neil. “So?”

“Did you drink that??” Neil pointed at the bottle on the ground in the tent. “Be honest with me, this could be bad!”

“I don’t know? I don’t remember drinking it. What is it, anyway? It has to be important if you’re freaking out this much.”

“So you didn’t? Who did then…? And why is it in our tent?” Neil picked up the bottle, worry in his eyes.

“Why are you asking me? I wouldn’t know--” He was cut off by a shout outside of the tent. He got up, walking outside. Neil followed him out of the tent.

“Pikeman’s dead!!” Nikki shouted, a little too enthusiastically.

“I highly doubt he’s dead, but I’m more concerned as to why he’s fucking here in the first place.” Max sighed, tired of this already.

“Nikki, he’s literally snoring… He isn’t dead.” Neil pointed out.

“Oh, haha! I forgot about that part!” Nikki laughed. “But Max is right, why is Pikeman here? And dead-asleep in the middle of the camp?”

“Should we get David?” Spacekid suggested. It felt like he came out of nowhere. He kind of did, technically.

“Yeah, probably.” Max agreed though it wasn’t like he’d do anything about it.

“No, of course not! He’ll just--Wait, what?” Neil stared at Max. “What do you mean? It’s a terrible idea! He’ll probably just take Pikeman back to his camp. He’s most likely the reason there was an empty bottle in our tent.”

“Well, it’s not like I drank it, so why would it even matter? You never answered me when I asked what it was either. What is this shit?” Max stared back. What the fuck, Neil? Why would you leave this shit out in the open?

“I’ll keep it short, it’s a truth serum. I don’t know if it actually works or not, I haven’t tested it yet.” He sighed.

“Well, what if we just interrogate Pikeman when he wakes up? Tie him to a tree or something? Then we’ll know if he drank it and this will all be fucking over.” Max groaned, walking over to Pikeman.

Neil nodded, running off to get some form of rope, bringing back the same rope they used to tie up Gwen and David to the flag that one time. And Quartermaster. God, this is starting to feel like a pattern. “Here. I’m not sure if this is a good idea, but we could probably get someone to distract David so he doesn’t catch us doing this…” Neil sighed, nervous.

“Don’t worry about it. All we need to do is lie to David about some shit we’ll figure out later. It’s easy. And we should focus on starting this right now.” Max took the rope from Neil and got to work.

After they got Pikeman on the tree, they waited for him to wake up. It felt like they waited hours and hours, Max eventually grew impatient and poured water on Pikeman’s head, waking him up.

“God, finally! You’re awake.” Max groaned.

Pikeman’s eyes snapped open, shocked from both the water and the sound of Max’s very-much-alive voice. “Huh? Max?! Am I in hell or something? Did I die? You shouldn’t be here!”

“What the fuck does that mean? You’re very much alive, dumbass. You’re acting like I should be dead,” Max stared at him, acting like he’s some kind of detective.

“You should! I poisoned you, the plan was flawless! You even saw me do it! Don’t you remember??” Pikeman shouted, confused, and somewhat terrified. Was Max a zombie or something? That’s all he could think of.

“Remember what? I don’t remember seeing you until Nikki pointed you out!” He

“Huh? You should remember… Nevermind. Why the hell am I tied to a tree??” He asked, yelling. He tried to toss around and get out, but it was no use.

“We found this in our tent,” Neil showed Pikeman the bottle found in the tent, empty. “And you were passed out in the middle of our camp. I think we have the right to believe you had something to do with it?” He asked as if he already knew the answer, and he did.

“No! I don’t know what that thing is!” He tried his best to sound and look convincing, but he wasn’t…

“Are you trying to make me believe you or laugh at you? Because trust me, we aren’t buying any shit you’re giving us right now. Tell us the truth.” Max rolled his eyes at him. He was embarrassingly bad at lying.

“And why would I do that? I have no reason to tell you anything!” Pikeman spat, glaring at both of them.

“Oh? I think you do.” Max smirked.

A loud “Quack” startled Neil and Pikeman, the platypus walking up to the scene.

“When the hell did you team up with the platypus, Max??” Neil backed away from the deadly creature, while Max grabbed it.

“I didn’t. It just seems to pop up conveniently, sometimes inconveniently, whenever it wants to.” He smiled, satisfied. “So? Tell us what you did, and you won’t be attacked by the terrifyiinggg platypus!” Max sarcastically waved his hands around. “You’ve been bitten by it before, you’d know how it hurts, wouldn’t you?”

“Gah! Okay, fine! Fine! I’ll tell you what you want to know.” He stared at the platypus, giving it a death glare that it really did not care about.

“Good, good. Now, what did you do with the ‘truth serum’ Neil said was in that bottle?” Max questioned him, satisfaction still plastered on his face.

“That was a truth serum?” Pikeman looked shocked. Very shocked.

“You didn’t know that?” Neil looked up at him. “What did you think it was?”

“Poison! I didn’t know about this truth serum bullshit!” He seemed panicked until he realized. If Max hadn’t received an antidote, then that meant he couldn’t lie. He could use this.

“Wait, you said you thought I was dead, right? And you thought it was poison… Does that mean…” Max gasped. “You gave me a fucking truth serum???” The satisfaction vanished from his face, replaced with pure ‘what the fuck’. The tables have turned, and not in a good way.

“How the hell have none of us noticed you being unable to lie by now?” Neil over to Max, expression somewhat unreadable.

“I’m sure I’ve already lied at least 3 times today. It probably wore off.” Max shrugged, not giving it too much thought.

“You may be right… Besides, I don’t think you can even tell the truth about a platypus magically arriving in the first place..” Neil seemed like he was contemplating life.

“Exactly! So it doesn’t matter and this was all completely useless. This was a waste of time completely. Get the fuck out of here, Pikeman,” Max groaned. He could’ve been doing something better with his time, but instead, he had to waste it on some bullshit interrogation that just led to nothing. He cut the ropes keeping Pikeman on the tree and stepped back.

“Finally! Freedom!” Pikeman exclaimed before running off into the woods.

“Thank god, he’s gone. I’m gonna go back to-ogh…” Max doubled over, acting as if he was dying. Like the time with Harrison and when Nikki almost died. Thanks, Neil.

“Max? Are you okay?” Neil walked over to Max, his arms in some weird-ass raptor pose. He seems to do it very often, no one has bothered to ask at this point.

“Yeah... Goddammit.” Max sighed, calming down. “I’ll be fine. I just randomly got hit by some random sharp pain. It’s probably nothing, anyway.”

Neil seemed worried, but he couldn’t do anything about it. Max is Max and he wouldn’t talk about it anymore. “Right… Well-”

“Goooodmorning, Campers!” David ran out of the cabin, looking around at all of the kids that gathered at the sound of his typical high-energy self.

“Ah shit, He’s here.”

Chapter Text

“Ah shit, He’s here.” Max rolled his eyes, though for some reason he wasn’t actually that bothered about it like he usually was. He didn’t feel much different, maybe he was already in a bad mood after the random jolt of pain he got, he couldn’t tell. He shook it off, it was probably nothing.

“Heeyy… Language..!” David looked down at Max, clearly with disapproval in his tone. Though he wasn’t angry, David’s never angry.

“Sorry.” Max looked up at David, it’s as if he genuinely meant that. “Wait. What the-”

“Aww, it’s okay, Max!” David ruffled Max’s hair, Max waving his hands around in response.

Max bounced back into the crowd, staring at his hands as if he just sinned. “What was that?” He mumbled to himself.

“Max..?” Neil whispered. “What the hell was that?”

“Don’t ask me! I don’t fucking know! It just slipped out!” Max was quite literally fucking shook. Shook down to the hooey. He couldn’t figure out why or how he said that, he just did.

“Are you sure it wore off..?” Neil stared at Max, concern in his eyes. “We don’t know anything about it, we don’t know if it can wear off or even works. It might actually-”

“No! Shut up! I am not under some fucking truth serum bullshit! It wore off, it’s gone. Nothing is fucking different!” Max whisper-screamed at Neil.

“Alrighty, campers! Today, we’re writing letters to our parents! Let them know how much fun we’re having here!” David smiled at the small group.

“This is bullshit,” Max said, obnoxiously loud for David to notice. Why did he do that?

“Oh, come on, Max! It’ll be fun! I’m sure your parents are wondering what you’re up to!” David lifted Max off the ground, smiling, as he usually would.

“I can assure you, they aren’t,” Max wiggled around, getting out of David’s grasp and falling to the ground. Grunting, he picked himself up off the ground. “They wouldn’t even see it if I did this,”

“Why wouldn’t they?” David looked at the small child.

“Because I’m not fucking doing it!” Max shouted at David, but it felt wrong. Way too wrong. “David?”

Before David responded to Max’s anger, he noticed that Max had called his name. “Huh? Yes, Max?”

“...” Max sighed. “Nevermind, forget it. Let’s just start this stupid fucking activity,” Max sighed. What was that?

“If you say so, Max! Come on, everyone! Let’s go!” David cheerfully ran to the mess hall, as if nothing was bad in the world.

“Max..?” Neil followed Max as he chased after David.
“Don’t. Don’t say anything. Just shut the fuck up and follow this dumbass.” Max groaned and continued to walk behind David.

“You’re acting like he’s your dad or something all of a sudden… What’s gotten into you?” Neil finished his sentence, ignoring Max’s protests. “I won’t say the truth serum is working-”-just because he’d deny it anyway- “-but… Something’s definitely wrong..”

Max sighed. “Neil, I’m not acting like he’s my fucking dad! This truth serum bullshit has you on edge and thinking every little thing is wrong when it is perfectly normal. There is no way it worked and there is nothing wrong!” He shouted, storming off. “I just want to get this shit over with!” Max yelled, yet he wasn’t that far ahead of Neil to the point of needing to yell.

“Maybe you’re right…” Neil sighed, trying to forget about it, and followed Max, David, and the other campers to the mess hall.

When they got to the mess hall, it felt way more alive. Everyone was silent on the trip, Max noticed, but he was too busy trying to convince Neil he was fine to really care about it.

For example, Nikki was complaining about what to send, Spacekid was saying spaceshit, Neil was probably fucking dying inside, Max was… Well, he wasn’t doing anything. Nothing at all. What could he do? It’s not like they’d see it.
Then he got an idea.
A bad one? Probably.

But now he could do this bullshit camp activity with less of a problem doing it. Picking up his pencil, he got to work.

“Argh! I can’t do this! I want to go outside! Not write some dumb letter to my parents!” Nikki wailed, banging her head on the table.

“Why is Max of all people doing it well? I thought he hates his parents... “ Neil pointed out how quickly Max was working. Usually, he wouldn’t even be here. He’d throw it in the trash and move on with his day. Why is he doing this now?
Nervously, Neil walked over to Max. “Max? What are you doing…?”

“What?” Max flinched, covering his paper as Neil looked over at it. “Hey! What’s the big deal?!” He stared at Neil threateningly.

“For someone who doesn’t care, you sure are protective of this…” Neil looked down at Max as if he was a disappointed parent. “What does it say?”

“It’s to David,” Max covered his mouth as soon as he realized what he said. “...” Shit.

“It’s… Huh?” Neil froze. “I don’t think I got that… Uh...Could you repeat what you just said?”

Oh. Oh, thank god. “No. Fuck off, Neil,” Max groaned. The last thing he needed was that getting out. Anything but that. He’d rather tell everyone about Mr. Honeynuts at this point.

“Alright, fine, fine. Have it your way then,” Neil sighed and walked off to Nikki.

“Well? What’d he say!?” Nikki bounced in excitement. It felt like she was on some super secret spy mission, the target being Max. “Tell me!”

“I didn’t hear what he said…” Neil looked crushed. “He said something, maybe about… Spacekid? I couldn’t really tell. He just told me to fuck off when I asked what he said,” He sat himself down next to Nikki.

“Oh… I’ll bite him! That’ll get our answer!” Nikki growled and barked, biting the air as an example. She stopped and turned to Neil. “Well?”

He scooted away from Nikki as she acted like a wild animal. “No… We shouldn’t literally bite Max. That sounds terrifying!” He shouted, Max turning his head to them with a confused, yet disgusted expression. Noticing this, Neil quieted down and whispered to Nikki. “No biting anyone, got it?”

Nikki got the vibe and ducked down, whispering to Neil. “Fiine. But how else are we gonna knooooow? He’s gotta pop one way or another!” Nikki complained, groaning.

“I have a feeling I know what to do…” Neil smiled, he had a plan. “Here’s the plan…” Neil whispered something into Nikki’s ear, his smile only growing wider. This had to work.