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Chapter Text

No one thought she'd make it. She didn't even think she'd get this far. When the three of them enlisted... Chicane always believed she'd be chasing Gen and Angeal's backs. But, she was still here, and Genesis wasn't. And she was good. If these shots didn't kill her, she'd officially be a SOLDIER, 3rd Class. Right now Chicane was just wearing the uniform.

Genesis should've been here. It was a cruel twist of fate that he wasn't. The wound he took... the way it didn't quite heal right from a Curaga... It was a sign he'd be incompatible with the shots. Or, that's what they said, anyway. If it was such a sure tell, why didn't they stab everyone and see how they healed?

But Chicane couldn't sit and be bitter about Genesis. She had a promise to uphold. She would be the hero they had both dreamed of becoming. Better than Sephiroth. Or, on par, at least. Chicane had heard the stories, both in the papers and word of mouth. That ruthless power. The unforgiving speed... Chicane couldn't tell if she wanted him or wanted to be him more. If it all panned out, she'd meet him. Then she could decide for herself.  She sat up, letting her feet dangle off the examination table. What was taking so long?

"Sorry for the delay, Corporal Rhapsodos." Dr. Hollander walked in, a grimace on his face. Chicane didn't need to wonder about why, since Dr. Hojo slinked in right after him. Great. Just... dandy. This was going to be a fun and easy time. She'd heard far too many rumors about Dr. Hojo's treatments to be comfortable.

"It's no problem. I hope you're well, Dr. Hollander. Dr. Hojo." Chicane could almost hear her mother demanding she be a lady, so she'd be nice even if she wanted to make a break for it. For now, anyway.

"The company thought it was in our best interest to work together on this one. You're... an interesting case."  Hollander's grimace strained further.

"I've never tried my formula on a woman before." Dr. Hojo shrugged.

"Well, they say the Calamity was a woman. At least we have something to aim for." Chicane's features were schooled into calm, but she was screaming internally. Great. Good. Awesome. She'd been using Angeal's first round of shots as a sign of what was to come for her. His shots didn't involve two doctors. Let alone a "never tried". Science Department lab rats didn't survive long enough to make it to the field. 

"That's ambitious. Let's get to it, shall we?"

Dr. Hollander pulled out the standard exam clipboard. Chicane tried not to kick her feet while she answered his questions. It felt almost like a doctor's visit as a child, albeit a far scarier one than she'd ever had. Dr. Hojo hummed and looked at her like a particularly interesting piece of data. Chicane tried to hurry through the questions. If this was going to be a trainwreck, she wasn't going to drag it out.

"Alright. Nothing's changed since our last chat. These first injections will be the most painful. No shame if you have to scream or cry. Just... try not to force us to restrain you." Hollander's face was going to stick like that if he didn't calm down.

"I calculated the dosage for a person of your stature. We can finetune it based on your results. Again, we're unsure how the mako will refine a woman."

"I'm honored to be the first. Let's hope for something good."

Chicane complied as they hooked her up to an IV and cuffed her for vitals. Stayed peaceful and still as they cleaned a spot on her bicep for the shot. As Dr. Hollander gave her an uncertain smile. Chicane maintained a pleasant expression right up until the mako hit her bloodstream. Then it was all foul curses and screams of rage until she blacked out.

-

Chicane woke up on her bunk. Angeal was sitting on the floor next to her, examining her with concern. Her eyes burned. Every cell in her body was screaming.

"How ya feelin', Little Bit?"

"My blood hurts. I... oh shit." Sitting up was enough to make her want to hurl. Angeal put a trash can between her knees.

Chicane vomited painfully for several minutes. Angeal climbed up next to her and rubbed her back. 

"Lazard gave me a packet for you. They couldn't getcha back up for long enough to walk back or explain what was gonna happen. So now I'm on paid leave to babysit. They thought you were going the wrong way but your vitals were fine..."

"Guess the mako found a lot to fix." Chicane wanted to sleep for a week. Or eat a dragon. Or both. She could nap on the dragon corpse.

"You're looking a lot more cut already. Want me to read your packet? You remember how bad my eyes were at first."

"Yeah. You're a gem, Ang. Can you give me the quick and dirty version? I'll read it all, but right now..." Her head felt hot enough to fry eggs on.

"I get it." He pulled the papers from her nightstand. "Let's see here. Given your unique body chemistry, we determined it would be best to inject you with a dilution comprising 65% Type S solution and 35% Type G solution, providing a tailored result. Over the coming weeks, you should expect... An increase in height, muscle mass, and general agility, offset by mood swings, nausea, and pain. Your vision will sharpen, but your eyes may exhibit some aesthetic changes. Tread carefully— you may not know your own strength! It's not unusual for new SOLDIERs to damage their dorms and other equipment by mistake."

"Report immediately to the lab and request Dr. Hojo if you experience any of the following symptoms— blurred vision; abnormal growths; fainting; a high fever lasting more than 8 hours; clotted vaginal discharge; vomit that is—" Angeal peeked in the trash can, "green, blue, or bloody; or heart palpitations."

"Looks like normal puke to me. That's a good sign," Chicane laughed hoarsely.

"You have one week's medical leave before you need to report to the Director, and a medical appointment with Hojo on... Thursday. I guess that's when they'll decide if the shots worked and give you your timeline." Angeal put the packet back.

"So, how long can I take advantage of your kindness for?" She smirked.

"Until I die. I promised Gen I'd take care of you, after all."

"You heard from him?"

"Not yet. He hasn't called your phone either."

"I'm sure he'll get over it. He's probably at home, sulking and reading LOVELESS." Chicane tried to make light of the situation.

"Probably. Still..." Angeal's eyes darkened. Wistful hurt. She didn't know how to fix Angeal's broken heart.

-

"It was touch and go for a moment there, but your body is reacting extraordinarily well to the shots. Have you experienced any strange symptoms?" Dr. Hojo's smile was nauseating. At least he was pleased with her. Better to be a good little lab rat.

"Nope. It was agony for a couple days, and my temperature spiked every time I ate but... I'm fine. No lumps, bumps, or fingers. Unless I have a tail I'm missing?" Chicane spun around playfully. It was hard to be serious when she felt this good . Powerful. Strong.

"I don't have time for jokes, Corporal Rhapsodos. Or shall I say, SOLDIER Rhapsodos? We can actually accelerate your course to match SOLDIER Hewley's. I'm sure having a... companion around will be some consolation." Hojo half-stated, half-inquired.

"Angeal's not my boyfriend. Not even a little bit. The concept is actually a bit sickening. But, thanks. It'll be nice to have him to commiserate with." Chicane grinned.

"Here's your timeline. Bring it to your meeting with Lazard. And SOLDIER Rhapsodos?"

"Doctor?"

"I look forward to working with you." He smiled again, looking at her over his glasses.

"Thank you." She walked out, resisting the urge to shiver.

The woman who stared back at her in the mirror was four inches taller than she had been a week before and rippling with lean muscle. Chicane was delighted about how she turned out. There had been a fear in the back of her mind of the mako making her bulky with massive, rigid muscle. She was strong, yes, and it showed in her biceps and the muscles of her thighs. There was a certain boxiness in her shoulders that she wasn't crazy about, either, but other than that... She thought she looked hot.

She'd always been leggy, and that hadn't changed. Her abs were... fucking perfect. Her ass was a gift from the Goddess Herself; and she'd managed to keep a little in the chest. She looked... proportionate. A deadly hourglass. Like a black widow spider. The SOLDIER uniform belt only accentuated the shape.

The best part, Chicane decided, was the eyes. Silver-grey had evolved into something brighter than diamond, accentuated by an aqua ring around the pupil.

If she made it to First Class, she'd have to invest in some heeled boots. She might be able to break six feet tall that way. No, not if. When . Chicane marched into Lazard's office with pride. Chicane planned to be the best SOLDIER out there. She owed Genesis that much.

-

If it was a simple test of their abilities, why was there a crowd watching through the one-way mirror? Something big was at stake. Chicane ground her teeth. Maybe they should have lost the friendly sortie with the troopers. Angeal grimaced back at her as the simulation flickered into life.

"Defeat all hostiles." Lazard's voice crackled in her ears. A simple directive. She had a feeling things would get a lot more complex.

The behemoth wasn't a surprise. It snarled and Chicane mirrored its expression. She looked at Angeal for confirmation of their plan before diving for a flank. Angeal caught the behemoth head on, keeping its teeth locked into his blade. Chicane launched herself onto its back and beheaded it with one powerful swing.

As quickly as the behemoth fell, another monster took its place. A griffon, sizing them up with intelligent eyes. Chicane waited to see what the beast would do next. It took to the skies. Shit. That pretty much took Angeal out. Unless...

"Do you trust me?" A maneuver was flitting through her head.

"Always."

"Point down." Chicane said, lunging towards her brother-in-arms and throwing him into the air. She glanced to check his trajectory before running up a nearby tree and using it to propel herself into a pirouetting leap. Angeal pierced one wing and Chicane got the other. They followed the griffon to the ground. Angeal didn't hesitate to strike its heart while it was still reeling from impact.

A pause followed. Angeal and Chicane had enough time to share a bewildered look, a shrug, and a sigh before the simulation rippled again.

Marsh under cover of night. They gravitated towards each other, waiting to see what came out of the trees. A platoon of Wutai soldiers, fully equipped. There had to be at least 20. No... More were in the canopies. How good did they think Chicane and Angeal were?

They each took a half circle, trying to stay back to back. They mowed down the militants with ease. It should have been a lot worse, Chicane thought. If Wutai was still fighting a war with them, their forces shouldn't be so weak. Why was it taking Shinra this long to win?

When the last Wutai troop fell, the sim faded. Chicane stretched, rolling her neck and shoulders out. Angeal sighed. Their success confirmed they were ready for the front.

-

Oh Gaia... Sephiroth was giving a welcome speech to their group of new arrivals and Chicane hadn't taken in a word of it. All she could think about was how much more beautiful he was in person. That settled it. She wanted him more than she wanted to be him. Definitely. She wanted to make him come apart in her arms...  Angeal elbowed her and she saluted just in time.

"You wanna go talk to him, Little Bit?" He read her like a book.

"I mean... if you do. I don't want to imp—"

"Let's go."

By the Goddess, he was even better looking close up. It was too late to turn back; Sephiroth noticed them.

"Angeal Hewley, sir. 3rd Class. It's an honor to meet you." Angeal saluted again, at peak honor and respect.

"And I'm Chicane Rhapsodos, 3rd Class. This is the face of Gaia's next and greatest hero." Her brain and her mouth didn't connect. Apparently, her autopilot was an arrogant bastard. It was more like something Genesis would've said. ...Was Genesis her autopilot?

"Chicane! You can't speak to your commanding officer that way. Sorry, sir." Angeal was horrified, and rightly so. What was she thinking? Well, she'd have plenty of time to figure that out during the lecture she was sure to get tonight.

"I don't mind. A pleasure to meet you, SOLDIER Rhapsodos." Sephiroth smiled and Chicane thought her heart would beat right out of her chest.

"You as well," she practically purred. No! Bad! It was not time to be a flirt! She had to prove herself. It didn't matter that he was sex on legs. There were more important matters at hand.

"I'd stay and talk, but I'm sure you have plenty to do to settle in. Until next time." He walked away and Chicane couldn't stop herself from staring after him, agape.

The fragrance of rose, lavender, and vanilla coming off his hair... The smell of well treated leather and high quality resin... Chicane was in big trouble. And not just with Angeal. They were fighting a war, for Gaia's sake! She didn't have time to have a crush. How could she be the greatest SOLDIER if she was fawning over her competition?

-

Their first battle was an overwhelming success, with an emphasis on overwhelming. In a way, it was identical to the simulations. But, the simulations didn't prepare them for it. VR couldn't emulate the warmth of the enemy's blood spilling over their hands. The crushing guilt that remained when the adrenaline faded. The realization that they had ended lives. And more than anything else, it didn't prepare Chicane to be the strong one when Angeal broke down.

They debriefed, bathed, and changed; and everything was okay. They were still hyped up on the excitement of clearing their first mission. They returned to base camp for the night. They ate dinner, and it was a quiet one, but that happened sometimes. Chicane grabbed her guitar and started tuning it and then Angeal was sobbing like he hadn't since... well, since Genesis left. Big, heaving sobs with barely any break for breath. Tears fell through his hands and onto his boots. Chicane panicked.

"Hey, hey, hey, 'Geal! What's going on?" She tried to keep her voice quiet and gentle. They were alone by the campfire, but anyone could come around and see Angeal losing his shit. And that was something he didn't need to deal with. No one could think he was weak. Chicane wouldn't let that happen.

"We... we killed people, Chicane. 22 people returned to the Lifestream by our hands today. We ended their lives. We're... monsters." He choked his explanation out and went back to crying, muffling his sobs with a fist.

"We're not monsters , Angeal. Yes, we killed today. It's... It's our job , Ang. We signed up for this. We wanted to be heroes. This..." She gestured at their surroundings, "is the price of being a hero. Someone has to carry the sins."

"I know that. It's just... hard to cope with. It all hit me at once. What would Ma think?"

"Your Ma knows what you're doing and you know damn well she's proud of you, Angeal. Come here." Chicane hugged him tight, letting the giant lean on her and cry into her shoulder.

If she could've seen past his shoulders, she would have noticed a pair of brilliant eyes taking in the situation. Appraising their bond.

-

Something had changed— maybe their quick promotion to Second Class— and Lazard put Chicane and Angeal with Sephiroth on every mission he could. Not only that, but Sephiroth was being downright friendly with them. Maybe they were finally worth his time. 

Chicane got over her awe enough to actually enjoy the company. He wasn't easy to talk to, but he was observant, and had a wry sense of humor that matched hers. He was a bit feral, at times, and there were things he just... didn't know were wrong. Despite that, they grew close. It only took a couple tense spars before she figured out a better way to get through to him. That didn't stop her from sparring with him more frequently than necessary— The Goddess Herself couldn't stop Chicane from savoring a sweaty, focused Sephiroth.

She could remember with complete clarity the moment where things went from a crush to A Problem. They were playing the newest timewaster she came up with— the dumbapple game. Chicane's last care package included a bushel of the things and everyone was sick of eating them. So the apples had become target practice. One of them would find a spot to stand or sit with an apple on their head, and the other two would take turns trying to pierce it with a weapon.

Sephiroth always won. The Masamune gave him an unfair advantage, in Chicane's opinion. Of course he'd beat her and Angeal's standard issue broadswords with a seven-foot-long odachi. And no, it didn't matter that it was that thin.

Complaints aside, it was Chicane's turn to be the target. She weaved between the foliage of some trees and climbed up, releasing her hair from its topknot to make room for the dumbapple. It fell around her shoulders and past her waist.

Sephiroth looked up at her, inhaled, and smiled. It was so small and private that she almost felt bad for noticing it. But that tiny, genuine, relaxed smile... it was because of her. Chicane made that happen. The feeling it gave her was already enough to sustain the crush for a year. But then, Sephiroth mouthed something to her so Angeal wouldn't hear.

"You're beautiful with your hair down."

The Problem, as she came to call it, was not that they had a mutual attraction. No. The Problem was the way Sephiroth's affection made her feel. Nervous. Weak. Fluttery. The butterflies that had taken up house in her stomach needed to die. They had so many things to do; so much to worry about that there was no way in hell Chicane could afford to feel that way right now. Feelings were a luxury a SOLDIER couldn't have during wartime. She didn't go through four courses of injections to be weak. Weakness, and all that came with it, was A Problem.

The Problem was that Chicane, instead of mouthing a flirty or friendly "thanks", blushed and bit her lip. The Problem was Sephiroth missing his first shot in the dumbapple game for the first time ever. The Problem was making eye contact with Sephiroth when he climbed the tree to retrieve Masamune and feeling her heart skip a beat. 

The Problem was Angeal pulling Chicane aside that night and lecturing her about how she didn't have time for romance. Demanding she do whatever it took to kill the butterflies and focus again. It was a Problem in and of itself that they argued, because of course she knew that, and of course she'd tell Angeal off for telling her so. She'd been reminding herself of that all along. It wasn't compromising Chicane's performance yet , but if it got more serious... A Problem.

Chapter Text

The Problem showed no signs of abating; Chicane got better at hiding it, with a few notable exceptions. The first was a terrible skirmish with Wutai's Crescent Unit. She missed the days where Wutai's troops were a joke. It was the first mission with the newest Third Class graduate— a puppy of a boy named Zack Fair.

Sephiroth, Chicane, Angeal, and Zack were sent to clear a fort. It felt like overkill, sending the three top members for it, but Lazard had insisted. Chicane took it easy— she wanted to make sure Angeal had lots of time to train his puppy. She'd contributed one Firaga and a marching song so far. After ten more minutes of absolute boredom, Sephiroth brought her to clear the perimeter. Code for "Let's give Angeal some mentoring time."

It was almost concernedly empty. Without exchanging even a glance, both of them slowed to a stroll. Sephiroth scanned their surroundings and turned to Chicane, murmuring, "So, what do you think of SOLDIER Fair?"
"He's... eager." Chicane tried to figure out her wording. "I think he's going to be a good addition to Angeal's life. Gaia knows he needs someone who listens to his lectures. Maybe a little less sass."
"I listen when Angeal talks," Sephiroth protested.
"You hear the words, but you don't process them. I do the same thing." She smirked.
"Perhaps. But, do you think that Angeal might... find Zack attractive?" 
Chicane opened her mouth and shut it again. She wanted to say no. She wanted to believe that Angeal was holding out. But Angeal had been taking better care of himself lately. And Genesis barely wrote her, let alone him... Was Angeal moving on? 

"It's not impossible. But, aren't there rules against that sort of thing? Someone of a superior rank in a relationship with someone lower?" Chicane hadn't let herself look into it. She didn't want to feed the crush.
"Not in SOLDIER, no. I was reading about it a few weeks ago. And... I think there's a possibility Zack might catch up regardless. And then..." Sephiroth looked away. He wasn't talking about Zack. This was a part of The Problem. Her palms were sweaty. What to say...?
"We're in a war, still. I don't know if either of them will have time to commit to it. I don't know Zack very well, but I doubt he'd want to do anything by halves." She looked the other way. Not a single Wutai soldier when she needed one.
"That's a respectable opinion. I guess they'll have to fulfill their needs in other ways. But it's none of my business, regardless." He shrugged. 
Chicane saw his eyes reflected in a puddle and the sadness in them hurt her too. She brought a hand over to cup her other arm. "We should head back. The perimeter's too empty to be anything good." 
"Yes."

Angeal was stopping a full Crescent Unit from killing his trainee. Zack was unconscious. Sephiroth and Chicane dove in for a back attack, clearing a path to their ally. More troops poured from the inside of the base.  If Chicane and Sephiroth hadn't been not-flirting, they might have noticed sooner. Chicane's frustration prickled. Sephiroth gave the order to retreat and she covered so the boys could get to the bikes. A barrage of Firagas later, she retreated to find they hadn't made it yet.

"What's the problem here?" She could've kicked herself for her wording.
"I'm about to pass out." Angeal's shoulders shook.
"Shit. Sit in my sidecar, I'll drive you back. We can ditch a bike if Seph can take Zack with him."
"I can, but I won't be able to fight well. He's still out, so I'll have to hold him up."
"Trust me, I'll cover you." Their eyes met and those damned butterflies returned, but Sephiroth nodded and went along with her plan.
Chicane drove backwards through the jungle with a half-conscious Angeal murmuring directions, firing spells with reckless abandon. If she had eyes in the back of her head, she would have escalated The Problem to a new level. Sephiroth kept checking on her, unguarded affection and admiration on his face.

-

The Problem intensified again a few weeks later. Chicane and Angeal were promoted to First Class— Angeal for his mentorship and honorable actions; and Chicane for her acts of heroism and leadership. Things were fine when the promotions were presented in front of everyone, and fine when she put on her new uniform (black was nice, but she thought red might look better). And it was fine when the company celebrated her birthday. No, it wasn't until later that evening, when the three Firsts hid in Sephiroth's tent with an absurd amount of booze, that things got bad.
Chicane took a long draught from her third bottle. The first two had passed in birthday wishes and commendations. And now her cheeks were warm and she was floating on a sea of goodwill and cheer. It was a wonderful night. Certainly the best birthday in a while. 
Regardless of their little party, Angeal seemed to be in a rush. "Actually, I need to go check on Zack."
"Mm. Guess I'm sleeping here tonight," Chicane teased.
"C'mon Little Bit, you know it's not like that." Judging by the deep red on the tips of Angeal's ears, she wasn’t entirely wrong.
"I don't mind the company," Sephiroth answered.
"Oh, great! Yeah, go get some, 'Geal. I'll see you tomorrow!" She winked.
Angeal shook his head and left the tent. 

Chicane took his spot in Seph's chair, crossing one leg over the other. "Well, more for us, I guess."
"I'm glad he's figuring it out."
"Mhm. Maybe he'll be a little less tense tomorrow." She let her hair down, shaking it loose. She was so… relaxed. She hadn’t had a chance to relax for a while. It was all offensives and captures and wanton destruction. They’d been traveling from camp to camp, carving a path through Wutai’s army. Getting properly clean was the nicest birthday gift she’d received.
"We can only hope." Sephiroth agreed, taking a drink. Chicane indulged herself and watched him swallow.
"Then again... if he gets his situation figured out, he'll start worrying about me." She crinkled her nose.

"Goddess forbid someone worry about Chicane." The sass fell from his lips without a moment's hesitation.
"Don't say it like that!" She protested, laughing. "I wouldn't mind it if you worried about me, but Angeal..."
Sephiroth's breath caught. Chicane thought about what she said and felt her heart leap into her throat. Their eyes met again and Chicane thought she might tremble. This was bad. This was A Problem. A Big Problem. She couldn't let this move forward. And yet... Chicane didn't look away. She waited for Sephiroth's next move.

"I meant to tell you earlier, I know you've been looking for a new weapon. I may have found something for you." Sephiroth leaned over his trunk. Chicane tried not to fixate on the view and failed. This summer, he'd been wearing an armored coat with only his harness underneath. She'd developed a new admiration for his chest.
"When I received Masamune, they presented this blade with it. Katanas come in pairs. I don’t have any use for it, but I think this would suit you. The style is called a wakizashi. It's meant for close quarters combat. This blade's name is Muramasa."
"It's..." It was perfect. The weight was exactly what she'd imagined. She'd be so much faster with this.
"Katanas come in pairs; This is Masamune's companion blade. I..." He trailed off. How was it that the only times she’d seen Sephiroth unsure involved the two of them alone together?
"I won't ignore the implication of that." Why did she sound so husky? Oh Gaia, the glimmer of hope in Seph's eyes... She wasn't drunk enough for this. Or maybe she was just drunk enough?
"It's too bad. I meant to give you Muramasa as a gift for achieving First Class, but that leaves me without a birthday gift for you." Sephiroth's voice was worse. Chicane swallowed.
"That means I could ask you to do anything I want." 
"Angeal said that was the custom. Must be why he got out of here so quick."
"What a shame. I was going to ask him to just kiss Fair already. Oh well. I suppose it was a bit selfish of me anyway." Chicane sighed.

"It's your birthday. I think you can be selfish. You can ask for anything you'd like."
"Then..." Chicane stood up before continuing, "I want to try something without worrying about the consequences. I want to do this without anything changing."
His eyes flashed brilliantly, but Sephiroth didn't mess with her. "Of course."
"Close your eyes." It was barely a murmur.
Sephiroth acquiesced. Now she didn't feel the pressure of that striking gaze. Chicane stepped towards Sephiroth and heard the moment he forgot to breathe. Another step and Chicane felt that magnetic pull she spent so much time denying. She couldn't turn back now. Chicane closed the rest of the distance and kissed Sephiroth on the lips. It was perfect. Their lips moved with the same synchronicity their bodies always did.

Sephiroth's hands found her hair, threading through silky waves. This was becoming something much more dangerous than what she'd intended. She'd only meant to find out what kissing him was like. But here they were, tongues struggling for dominance and bodies pressed tightly together, muscle on muscle. If it was okay to be selfish, then she didn't want to stop. The kiss didn't end until they were on Sephiroth's bunk, Chicane in his lap. And even then... They pulled apart for a second, eyes meeting in mutual lust, and went right back in. Chicane pulled his coat from his shoulders and replaced it with her hands. Things spiraled wildly out of control. 
It's okay to be selfish, Chicane reminded herself when the bunk broke and they continued against the ground. It was okay to be selfish and ask for more. It was okay to be selfish and wake him in the middle of the night for yet another round. It was okay to accept his arms around her. It was okay to let his name fall from her lips each time she fell apart. And was it even selfish to take him in her mouth? To give him her first five times, all in one night? 
No. Chicane wasn't selfish to take what she wanted for her birthday. The point where it became selfish was when she lay against his chest, satisfied and deliciously drowsy, and realized she wanted to fall asleep like that every night. She initiated it with the request that nothing change— and she knew Sephiroth would treat her exactly the same— but now Chicane wanted change. She wanted to let herself love him.  And that was unacceptable.

-

Sephiroth acted the same way he had before her birthday. The only sign of anything was that glimmer of hope, brighter than ever. But Chicane? She barely liked herself anymore. She was frustrated and she had no right to be. Jealous, when she saw (or more accurately, heard) him pass time with others. She tried to remind herself it was simply a release of tension. Just something to make the war a little more bearable. Clearly, she needed to find someone to release her tension with because she couldn't ask Seph again until she wanted all of him. And she wouldn't be ready for that until they ended the war.
So, Chicane pretended the tension wasn't there and looked for other opportunities. Well... She was avoiding Sephiroth, actually, and looking for someone she didn't have to worry about breaking. It wasn’t going very well.

"Captain Rhapsodos." Speak of the devil.
"General." They were in company. No room for sass. He was still her commanding officer. Barely.
"Do you have time for a spar?" His voice was sinful velvet. The memory of the sounds he made that night came into Chicane's mind unbidden. Focus, damn it! 
"It depends," Chicane answered, setting down her book. Stall... stall... think of something to do so she could get out of it...
"Angeal said he was taking care of that paperwork." 
That horrible rat bastard. The lectures weren't enough? The demands she confront her feelings and stop being a bitch? She was short sheeting his cot later and she didn’t care if it was immature of her. "Oh. In that case, I suppose I can join you."
"Excellent. I can give you a few pointers with Muramasa if you'd like." Pointers that would almost certainly involve touching her. Hands correcting, refining... His presence behind her to redirect her stance... 
"Sounds great," Chicane answered hoarsely. Her mouth was dry. 

The spar was more tense than she imagined. Every step, every slash, every clash of blades reminded her of what they'd done. The light sheen of sweat glistening on his neck... The heaving of breath... Chicane fought with reckless abandon, trying to conquer her own distraction.

Judging by his expression, Sephiroth wasn't faring much better. She almost wanted to give in: push him down and kiss those unreasonable lips. But she couldn't even do that; a small crowd of lower-ranking SOLDIERs and infantry were watching.

If she couldn't give in to her feelings, she'd have to do the next best thing— Win. She pushed a little further past her comfort zone. Something she normally wouldn't do for a spar, but desperate times, and all that. She advanced on her foe, strikes faster and harder than ever. When her back was to their audience, blades pressed together in a ringing stalemate, she winked. Sephiroth's guard broke. She stepped into his space and pressed Muramasa to his throat.

"I cede."
"Looks like I finally won one." With dirty tactics, but a win was a win.
"It appears so." When he went to shake her hand, he drew his fingers along the inside of her wrist with a smirk.
"Thank you for the pointers, General." She knew he felt her pulse jump. If this was their new game, she wouldn't play fair.
"Of course, Captain Rhapsodos. Until next time."

-

Chicane looked over herself in the mirror. Was it too much? No. She'd draw attention in this, and wasn't that her goal? The armored coat felt good on her. She'd been correct— she looked even better in red. The coat was deep crimson, tailored to complement her shape while providing an extra layer of protection. 
Her hair wasn't it, either. It was half-up in a braided crown and half rippling down her back. The thigh-high boots were all she'd dreamed of, bringing her over the six foot mark. And Scarlet had been a dear and included extra knives in the heels. No. The makeup was too much. But she'd spent a while on it, so she wasn't gonna wipe it off. She winked at the woman in the mirror and strutted into camp.

The weight of eyes was instant and heavier than ever. She didn't bother parsing all the whispers she heard. Chicane let her hips sway on the way to the mess hall. Why not? The breakfast line thinned as she walked up. That was a plus. She was en route to the officer's table with a mountain of eggs, bacon, and potatoes when anyone had the guts to talk to her.
"Hot damn, Rhap! That new look has the camp in an uproar. You look… amazing."
"That's Lieutenant Colonel Rhapsodos to you, SOLDIER Fair," Chicane drawled.
"I still haven't earned the right to call you by your name?"
"You'll have to do more than be Angeal's... companion for that." She took a seat and Zack fell in next to her.
"Huh? Angeal and I are just friends."
"I've seen him pretty flustered about you. You don't have to lie to me." She spread jam on toast.
"No, really. When he's not teaching me SOLDIER stuff, he spends a lot of time talking about you. And your... companion," he sassed.
"I'm not seeing anyone at present." Her mind whirled. If they weren't together, then... Angeal was making opportunities for her to be alone with Sephiroth. That sneak!

"In that case, you look like the kind of woman my Ma warned me about, Lieutenant Colonel." He slowed over her title.
Hmm. Zack wouldn't break. And he was cute. More importantly, he was cute and looked nothing like Sephiroth. "And what did your Ma say about girls like me, Zackary?"
"That you'd break my heart and leave me wanting more." His voice dropped. Oh. This might work. It even had the potential to be interesting.
"That could be arranged."
"Then, let's go on a date!"
"Huh?" That wasn't what Chicane was gunning for. If she didn't have the time for romance with Sephiroth, she definitely didn't have time for Zack.
"Tonight. You and me. We'll go for a walk in the woods. And see about... y'know." He winked.
"Okay, Puppy. Don't disappoint me."
"I'll pick you up at 1900 hours."
"See that you do."
"Later!"

Angeal dropped into the seat he left behind. "What did Zack want with you?"
"We're going on a date later."
"Seph's not gonna be happy about that."
"I don't recall asking for his opinion. Or yours, for that matter. How long were you going to make us believe you were with him?" She glared at her best friend.
"I never said we were. You and Seph used us as a metaphor about your relationship for so long you forgot it was a metaphor."
"There is no relationship." She bit into her toast so hard her teeth clicked.
"Because you won't give him a chance."
"We're in a war, Angeal. I can't let him become a liability." Chicane ate faster, desperate to escape the lecture.
"I was talking to Gen about it and he agreed with me. You need to let him in. You're hurting yourself by ignoring it."
"You've been speaking to Genesis again and you didn't tell me?!" She sprang to her feet. That was the last straw.
"I would've told you if you hadn't been such a terror recently. I can't talk to you about anything."
"You're unbelievable. First, you let me believe in the Zack thing, and now this? Ugh!" She whirled around on her heel and stormed out, proving Angeal’s point.

It hurt more because he was right. Whatever. They wanted her to stop ignoring her feelings? Fine. She'd end the war and ride Sephiroth’s dick in front of everybody. Chicane stomped into the armory and loaded her new coat with all the Elixirs she could fit.

If she couldn't dance with anyone else, Ifrit would be there for her. They wiped out a platoon before she learned anything helpful. Chicane pinned the last operative beneath her boot. "Where are the remaining units stationed?"
He spat at her in Wutai, "I won't tell you, Shinra bitch!"
“Where are your reinforcements stationed?" She reiterated in Wutai, digging in her heel. "I won't hesitate to raze the village."
"For the children... Fort Tamblin, devil woman. Kill me, or I'll have to kill myself."
"On your honor," Chicane said, obliging. The blood spattering over her didn't even feel warm anymore. But there. A piece of intel that could actually be useful. She dismissed Ifrit and trudged back to camp through her path of destruction, pulling out her phone to call Lazard.

“Deusericus speaking.”
"The bulk of the Wutai Army is at Fort Tamblin."
"How do you know that, Lt. Col. Rhapsodos?"
"The ninja I just pinned under my boot told me when I threatened to burn his village down." 
"We aren't going to establish a rapport with Emperor Kisaragi if you go around burning villages."
"We won't need to if we eliminate the Crescent Units at Fort Tamblin. Can we get a Turk to scope it out?" The only downside to wearing red instead of black was that the blood actually showed. She was a mess.
"I'll get in contact with Veld. If this proves to be true, there's a promotion in your future, SOLDIER."
"Dandy. Rhapsodos out." Click. Now to get the blood out of her hair and see about that date.

Zack was right on time. He'd even tried to do something about that hair. Not that he'd succeeded— it still looked like a hedgehog pie had had its way with a wolf. Still, Chicane took his arm. Let herself lean against him when they were far enough out of camp. He didn't smell like Sephiroth, either. More like Angeal, with a hint of starfruit instead of dumbapples.
"So, why'd you go for SOLDIER instead of doing whatever it is rich ladies do?"
“I grew up closer to my brother than anyone else. Everything Genesis did, I did. It was his and Angeal’s dream to be part of SOLDIER. I didn’t want them to leave me behind, so I worked to keep up. Genesis… got injured during SOLDIER testing. Took a blade through the gut. They threw a Curaga on it, as they do, and… it didn’t heal right. Instant disqualification. They shipped him back to Banora with little more than a ‘Sorry for your luck.’ I promised him I’d fulfill his dream and become a hero he could be proud of.”
“And you’re a hero now. You did it!”
“Yep.” Not that she felt very heroic, most days. Heroes didn’t threaten to burn down villages.
“And how long have you had it bad for Sephiroth?”
“Since I saw his face in the papers as a kid. I said I joined SOLDIER to keep up with the boys, but… he was part of it too. I thought if I could meet him, I’d die happy.”
“You don’t seem very happy.”
“It depends on the day.” They reached a clearing by a stream. Zack set out a blanket and produced a wrapped canteen and two glasses. Not bad, Fair, she thought. Not bad at all. He might not strike out.

“Are you happy right now?” Zack asked, voice heading back into that flirtatious timbre. He poured them both generous glasses of amber liquid.
“I might be.” They clinked glasses and Chicane took a sip. Not the worst thing someone had tried to pass off as alcohol. Not even the worst bourbon she’d ever drank. She was actually… pretty impressed. “Where did you get this, Zack?”
“You’ll lose plausible deniability if I tell you.” Baby blues glittered with mischief.
“Oh? How naughty, puppy. Do tell.” She swirled the bourbon over her tongue, tasting it properly. Cherry, chocolate, orange zest… A tannic bite. Not something one would find in Wutai.
“You remember how Heidegger demanded a guard the entire time he was here last week?”
“My uncle does have good taste in bourbon.” It made sense. Gaia knew no one on base could hold on to alcohol for more than an evening.
“He had me wait in his office while he uh, attended to a camp follower. I got bored and went through his stuff, and he had a whole case of liquor! I waited until he got with another one and poured the highest proof thing he had on hand into my big canteen. Payment for my silence and all.”
“Very naughty indeed! Could have you court-martialed for that,” Chicane teased.
“I was hoping you’d rig the trial if the date went well,” Zack laughed.

“Mm, maybe.”
“So, Chicane. Is it going well?” Suddenly his tone was heavier, with a sincerity that left her mouth dry. 
Her heart stuttered weakly. Maybe it was the bourbon but she blushed for the first time in… well, for the first time since her birthday. Chicane put a hand over his, leaning in closer. “You tell me.”
“Oh, I think it is,” Zack murmured, brushing his lips against hers.

Kissing Zack was different. It wasn’t bad. It might even be a suitable distraction. He kissed her like she was the most precious thing he’d ever held. There was no sharpness, no passion. Still, Chicane kept going, letting him pull her even closer and drag their tongues together. The taste of bourbon redoubled, heady in alcohol and rich in bitterness. They made out for a while, but it didn’t really get any better. 
Zack pulled back, shaking his head. “You’re still thinking of him. This isn’t going to work.”
“It isn’t,” Chicane agreed with a sigh.
“You’re gorgeous and strong, and I’d love to pass the time with you, but… You couldn’t be mine. Not even for a second.”
“I’m no one’s.”
“You two belong to each other. Or with each other. I don’t know. I can’t get into this knowing that you’d be comparing and finding me worse the entire time because you’re in love with Sephiroth and you’re too scared to do anything about it.”
“What did you just say?” Her hands clenched into fists.
“You’re in love with him, Chicane. And I'm pretty sure he loves you too. And you’re using the war as an excuse not to take the chance to be with him. You’re afraid he’ll reject you, or leave you behind.”
“How dare you,” Chicane seethed.
“Look me in the eyes and tell me I’m wrong.” Zack’s jaw tensed.
“I don’t have to prove myself to you.” 
“Then you’re a coward.”

“Do you have a death wish, Fair?” Chicane grit her teeth together. She didn’t have to take this.
“I call ‘em how I see ‘em. You’re a hero on the battlefield, I’ve seen you tear the world apart. But you’re not strong enough to let yourself be vulnerable for even a second.”
“That’s— That’s not true,” she insisted, chin jutting out.
“Then why won’t you tell him how you feel?”
“I can’t afford to be weak. He makes me feel weak inside.” The truth spilled from her lips before she could craft a believable lie.
“But together, nobody’s stronger.”
“I… That’s…” She frowned. She worked just as well with Angeal! Or anyone else. She was a professional, damn it!
“C’mon. Let’s head back. You should tell him. And if it goes badly, which it won’t, you can drag me to your bunk and ride me ‘til you break me. SOLDIER’s honor.” Zack grinned and it was frustratingly reassuring.
“Alright. You win this time.”

Chicane hurried back to camp, scanning for a flash of silver. Now that Zack had talked her into it, she was desperate to get it over with. Fuck ending the war. She could do both. She was strong enough to do both. She needed to confess. All the communal spaces had no trace of Sephiroth. His tent was empty. Seriously? He’d picked a terrible time to be away. 
Maybe Angeal would know? She found him in their shared tent, reading a letter on his bunk. “Hey. Where’s Sephiroth?”
“I’m not going to help you make out with my trainee in secret.”
“That’s not why I’m asking. I… need to talk to him,” Chicane said earnestly, looking him in the eyes.
“You’re serious. Alright. He came in here in an awful mood earlier and said he needed something to kill. I told him about Fort Tamblin. He called Lazard and went out that way. Dunno when he’ll be back.”
“Oh Gaia, should I go after him? There’s gotta be a lot of troops…” And if she had to wait, she might combust.
“I wasn’t supposed to tell you. I wouldn’t’ve if it wasn’t clear you were gonna have The Talk with him. You should probably wait.”
“Why?”
“I think he found out what you were doing tonight.”
“Fuck.”

Chapter Text

How had it come to this? What was he doing? Why had he let himself feel? And what, exactly, did he do now?