Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Evan slid into the passenger seat of Jared’s car.

“Study for the history test?”

“Um, kinda?” Evan pulled his seatbelt on. “Not really.”

“Me neither.”

It was the third day of school but Evan was no more comfortable than he’d been on the first day. He was still trying to figure out which teachers he liked three days later and he was still trying to figure out if he and Jared were really friends three years later. There had been a time, before high school, when he was sure they were. But then things got weird and so here he was, senior year, still unsure about how to approach Jared. Of course, more often than not it was Jared who approached first so, that had to count for something. Besides, he’d offered to drive Evan to school this year in his brand new used car. So they were probably friends.

But today Evan wasn’t thinking about teachers or Jared or the history test when he walked onto campus. He was thinking about Connor Murphy. He’d only talked to him once, yesterday. They had been in the library. Connor had made a comment about Evan’s shirt and then they had a short conversation. Surprisingly, it was pretty nice. Evan had always thought Connor was kinda scary. But he seemed friendly enough when they talked, if a little socially stunted. But then, who was Evan to judge other people’s social skills? Of course, none of that was what Evan was thinking about either.

He was thinking about what happened directly afterward. When Connor had held up a piece of paper that very clearly said “Dear Evan Hansen” at the top and asked if it was Evan’s. It was. And it was absolutely not something Connor was allowed to read. So Evan had ripped it from his hands and tore out of the library. When he got home he thought about it for hours. How rude that was when Connor had clearly been trying to be nice to him. How stupid he must have looked. How Connor probably hated him now. So Evan had gotten it into his head that he needed to apologize. He needed to tell Connor he was just dealing with some stuff and that it had been nice to talk to him.

He walked into the hallway, leaving Jared at his locker, and scanned the groups of people, looking for Connor. He wasn’t really sure where he hung out. Maybe under the bleachers with the stoners? Maybe he was in the library like he was yesterday. Evan walked quickly toward the library doors since they were the closest option.

“Evan!” Alana Beck stepped in front of him. “I was wondering if you wanted to partner up for the final project for AP Lit. I know it’s a long way off but Mrs. Berkley said it’s going to be a lot of work and sometimes it’s so stressful trying to find a partner when you’re already on a time crunch so I just wanted to be prepared.”

“Oh uh…” Evan tried to peer around her as someone opened the library door. “Sure. I’ll be your partner.”

“Oh great!” Alana linked her arm through his and led him down the hallway.

“Oh I need to-”

“I was thinking we could make a powerpoint and-”

“Alana!” Evan stopped her. “I need to-” He was cut off again, by the bell this time.

“Oh right!” Alana smiled. “We’ll talk later! Bye Evan!”

Evan groaned and started toward his first period class.

“Hey.” Jared nodded as Evan dropped into the seat behind him. He twisted around to talk. “How’s the girlfriend?”

Evan frowned at him.

“Saw you and Alana in the hallway.” Jared explained, rolling his eyes that Evan didn’t get the joke.

“Oh. She’s not- we were just talking about our final project for lit.”

“It’s literally the third day of school.”

“I know.” Evan sighed. “But… you know Alana.”

“I do. And unfortunately I know you too.” Jared smirked. “You two are a catastrophic combination.”

“I know.” Evan mumbled, sinking down into his seat.

Jared shook his head and turned around to face forward.

The class passed extremely slowly, as Evan knew it would for the rest of the year. Math was his least favorite subject. He was partially glad he had it with Jared because Jared was really good at math and was always happy to help tutor. The downside was he loved helping Evan because he used it as an opportunity to make fun of him. Evan didn’t mind the teasing though, Jared really was a good teacher. He could take a little ribbing if it meant he passed calculus.

“Dude.” Jared snapped his fingers in front of Evan’s face. “You coming?”

Evan started and looked around. Everyone was standing and shuffling out of the room. He hurried to stand up and shove the rest of his stuff into his backpack. Jared sighed loudly but he waited anyway.

“What are you doing later?” Evan asked as they stepped into the crowded hallway.

Jared shrugged. “Homework. Probably video games at some point.”

“Cool.”

Jared gave him an annoyed look. “Are you waiting for me to ask what you’re doing?”

Evan shook his head.

“Liar.”

“I’m not. I just wanted to know what-”

“Yeah. Yeah.” Jared waved him off. “I’ll see you at lunch or whatever.” He called as they split off to go to their respective second period classes.

He said “or whatever” as if he hadn’t spent the past three years tapping his foot impatiently while he waited for Evan to get out of class so they could go to lunch together. Evan wondered if Jared would ever stop pretending like he didn’t enjoy his company.

Evan forgot about Connor until lunch. He had seen him in the hallway earlier but he couldn’t imagine explaining to Jared what he was doing, and then he got distracted and forgot anyway. He swore that he’d apologize by the end of the day. Even if it meant approaching him in the one class they had together despite the fact that they sat on opposite sides of the room and he’d have to walk over there and people would look at him everyone would hear him make his apology. He really hoped he found Connor before then.

He did not find Connor before then. He left Jared twenty minutes before lunch ended and spent the whole time searching all the less crowded areas of campus but Connor was nowhere to be found. Eventually, Evan gave up and wandered over to Jared’s locker, resolving to catch Connor on the way out of bio.

“Hey.”

Jared eyed him. “Why are you sweating?”

“Oh uh…” Maybe he’d run a bit on the way back from the auditorium but it was only because he didn’t want to be late. “I don’t know. It’s hot.”

“It’s sixty degrees.”

“Shut up.”

Jared snorted. “Someone’s grouchy.”

“I’m not- why do you get to be a dick all the time but when I do it I’m ‘in a mood’ or whatever?”

“Because I’m a dick by nature.” Jared said simply, adjusting his backpack as they started toward the second class they had together. “You are a little bitch by nature. So it’s funny when you get mean.”

“That wasn’t even mean.”

“For you it was.”

Evan sighed in frustration before letting the topic drop.

He and Jared didn’t sit next to each other in history, but Jared did spend every day texting Evan all of the snarky comments he had about whatever they were learning that day. It made the class at least somewhat bearable.

Connor wasn’t in bio. It wasn’t that surprising. He was a notorious ditcher. The only problem was that the longer Evan had to wait to talk to him, the weirder it got. It was already Friday which meant if he didn’t see Connor in the next three minutes he’d have to wait until Monday. Saying ‘hey sorry about yesterday’ is one thing. But ‘hey sorry about four days ago’ was a very different thing. Evan fiddled with his pen as he looked at Connor’s empty seat. Maybe he just wouldn’t address it. Connor probably didn’t care anyway. It’s not like they were friends or anything. By the time they’d see each other again, he’d probably have forgotten all about it.

The bell rang, making up his mind for him. He’d just pretend it didn’t happen.

“Sorry. I had to do something.” Evan explained as he met Jared by his car.

“You say that like I care if I leave without you or not.” Jared snorted, pulling the door open. Despite his claim, he was very obviously waiting for Evan in the parking lot. “Hungry?”

“Um I guess.”

“Good. Cause we’re stopping for food.”

“Okay.”

“Do you think you passed the history test?” Jared asked as he pulled into a parking spot. He was crooked. As always.

“No.” It was stupid and unfair to give a test the first Friday of the school year and Evan stood by that. He didn’t care if he failed. Alright, he cared monumentally if he failed. But that didn’t change the fact that he probably did.

“Me neither.”

“Hey um…” Evan looked at Jared as he paused with his hand on the door handle. “Do you maybe wanna hang out this weekend? My mom works a double so I’m pretty much home alone the whole time.”

Jared hummed as he got out of the car. Evan scrambled to follow him.

“You got alcohol?” Jared asked over his shoulder.

“No.”

“Get some.”

“From where?” Evan rolled his eyes.

“Not my problem.”

Evan sighed. “Sure. I’ll get some.”

“Then I’ll be there.”

He knew he wouldn’t get any alcohol. Jared knew it too. It was just this little routine they had. A game they played. Jared would pretend he was only interested in coming over if they could drink and then he’d show up and there would be no drinking and he’d stay anyway.

Evan knew he’d come over either way but just for once, he wished Jared would just say yes. Without any conditions, real or otherwise.

Jared dropped Evan off after they finished eating and said he’d text later to make plans for the weekend. Evan knew he wouldn’t. He would just show up on Saturday at some point. Evan didn’t mind. He liked that Jared just showed up. It was comfortable that way. There was no need to make plans and set times. Jared would come over once he’d gotten out of bed and that was that.

Evan spent the evening doing homework. Well, he spent the evening at his desk with his homework out, but really, he was watching YouTube videos on his phone. For some reason, watching them on his phone didn’t feel like it counted. If he’d been in bed, watching them on his laptop, well then he would’ve felt guilty for procrastinating. But he wasn’t. He was just watching a quick video on his phone.

Before he realized it, it was late enough for his mom to come home. She poked her head into his room to say hi and ask if he’d had dinner yet. Evan said hi and lied that he had.

He waited until her footsteps faded down the hall before getting up and climbing into bed. Doing homework on a Friday was stupid anyway.

Chapter Text

Evan frowned as he woke up to the sound of his alarm on Saturday morning. He must have forgotten to turn it off. He fumbled around until he found his phone and silenced it. Then he rolled over and fell back asleep.

He wasn’t sure how long he slept before his phone was screaming at him again, his ringtone this time. He picked it up and squinted at the name.

“Jared?” He mumbled.

“Dude are you coming or not?” Jared snapped. “I’ve been waiting for like fifteen minutes.”

“Coming where?” Evan rolled out of bed to peer out the window. Sure enough, Jared was standing in the driveway, leaning against the hood of his car.

“School you fucking moron. Where else?”

“What?” Evan blinked, feeling more awake. “It’s Saturday.”

“Um no? It’s not? Did you hit your head last night?”

Evan pulled his phone away from his ear and hung up. His lock screen popped back up, reading clearly: Friday August sixteenth.

Evan squeezed his eyes shut and then checked again. Friday. He locked and unlocked his phone. Friday. He slammed the power button on his laptop and waited for it to turn on. Friday.

But that didn’t make sense. Today was Saturday. Yesterday was Friday. He knew it was. He-

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of an engine. He raced to the window and watched Jared’s car pull away. Shit.

He rushed into the bathroom and brushed his teeth while pulling on a pair of jeans. He grabbed his backpack and flew out the door. He might be having a psychotic break but he was not going to be late to school.

He spotted Jared at his locker with a few minutes to spare before the bell. He ran up and grabbed his arm.

“Jared!”

“Changed your mind about ditching I see.” Jared shook Evan’s hand off and crossed his arms. “You look like shit.”

“Thanks.” Evan said automatically. “Look um, did you- have we- I mean this already-” He stopped. Jared was raising his eyebrows, waiting for the rest of the sentence. But what the hell could Evan possibly say? There was no reasonable way to ask Jared if he’d already lived through this day. And even if there was, Jared would laugh at him. He sighed and shook his head. “Never mind.”

It must have been a dream. A… very realistic dream… where nothing particularly interesting happened. Or maybe just some really intense déjà vu. Either way he figured he’d take this as a chance to sidestep Alana as she came down the hallway and slip into the library before she saw him.

Connor wasn’t in the library. The bell rang before Evan had a chance to exhaust his other ideas. He weaved through the crowd, seeing Jared ahead of him but not particularly wanting to catch up.

He greeted Jared with a nod as he sat down.

“Hey.” Jared twisted around. “How’s the girlfriend?”

“Huh?” Evan frowned. He remembered that from his… dream. But he wasn’t even with Alana this time. Or… in real life. Or whatever this was.

“Zoe.” Jared clarified. “I saw her earlier. Just wondering.”

“She’s not… she’s not my girlfriend. We’ve hardly ever spoken.”

“Right.” Jared rolled his eyes. “Hello? I know that. It was a joke. Jesus.” He turned back around, shaking his head.

Evan zoned out in math again. He usually did that but this time he was just thinking about whatever the hell was going on with his head. He might have an active imagination but dreaming his whole lecture? That wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be. He’d already been through this day. He’d already tuned out this math lesson.

“Dude.” And Jared had already snapped Evan out of his thoughts like this. “You coming?”

Evan stood up instantly. He hadn’t even bothered to get his notebook out today. He numbly followed Jared into the hallway.

“Are you feeling okay?” Jared said finally, as they reached the turn where they went different ways.

“What?” Evan blinked.

“You’re…” Jared looked him up and down. “Weird today.”

“I’m… yeah. I’m okay.”

“What were you talking about this morning? On the phone?” For once, he actually looked sort of concerned.

Evan paused. Part of him wanted to tell Jared. Wanted to talk about it. But he knew it was useless. Whatever was wrong with his brain, he was the only one who thought there was anything weird going on.

“Nothing. Um… a dream I had.”

Jared eyed him for a second before he nodded and turned down the hallway.

“You gonna disappear on me again?” Jared asked as they made their way towards the wobbly table they always ate lunch at.

“What?” Evan frowned at him.

“You know, this morning you just… vanished.” Jared hooked his thumbs through his backpack straps. “Didn’t see you until math.”

“Oh right.” Evan vaguely remembered he was supposed to be looking for Connor. He sat down across from Jared. “Well no. I’m not.”

“What were you doing anyway?”

“Nothing.”

“Liar.”

“I was just- none of your business okay?”

“Wow. Feisty today.”

Evan clenched his jaw and said nothing.

Truth be told, as strange as it was, Evan had sort of forgotten about his weird déjà vu thing by the time the final bell rang. Or he was close to forgetting.

But then he got in Jared’s car and they chatted on the way to the fast food restaurant and as they pulled into the parking lot Jared asked, “Do you think you passed the history test?”

And then it all came back again. Because Jared had said that last time. In the dream. Whatever. Evan remembered it clear as day.

“Hello? Earth to Evan?”

“Sorry uh, no. I don’t think I did.”

“Me neither.”

“Yeah well you’re a genius so you probably did.” Evan mumbled, getting out of the car.

This time it was Jared who ran to catch up. “Yo. What happened dude?”

“Huh?”

“Five minutes ago you were fine. Now you’re all spacey.”

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

“Uh huh.” Jared snorted. “Sure you are.”

“Shut up Jared.” He tried to remember what they’d talked about last time. “Do you have- what are you doing this weekend?”

“Homework.”

Evan cut out the small talk he’d hated before anyway. “Wanna come over?”

Jared looked at him. “Sure.”

Evan stopped walking.

It took Jared a few steps to realize. He turned around and raised his eyebrows. “You coming or what?”

Evan stared at him for a few seconds before he started walking again. Some things had been a little different from Evan’s weird dream. But they were different because he made them different. He asked different questions or did different things. But this… Jared should’ve have used the alcohol excuse. Evan ran through the conversation in his head again and again. The only thing he could come up with was one link between this conversation and the others where Jared had seemed more or less sincere. That link being: Jared thought Evan was having a breakdown. And to be fair, he was. But he certainly hadn’t expected Jared to pick up on it.

Chapter Text

Evan’s alarm went off and for a brief moment he thought it was weird that his alarm was going off on a Saturday. Then memories came rushing back and he sat straight up in bed. He yanked his phone off the charger and stared at the screen. Friday.

Now he was sure he was going crazy. Or, at the very least, he was sure it wasn’t a dream. It couldn’t be. He paced around his room, tugging at his hair and mumbling to himself. He must have done something wrong the first time. He must have screwed something up. He would start over. Live today as close to normal as he could. He would do everything right. He’d be nice to Alana. He’d be nice to Jared. He’d clean his room and do the dishes. He’d study for his damn history test. Anything to set the universe right or whatever.

He was downstairs before Jared pulled up so he didn’t have to wait. He thanked Jared for the ride. Jared frowned at him and called him a weirdo.

They walked to Jared’s locker and Evan waited patiently for Jared to finish talking before he excused himself politely.

He walked right up to Alana.

“Evan! I was wondering if you wanted to partner up for the AP Lit final project. I know it’s a long way off but Mrs. Berkley said it’s going to be-”

“I’d love to be partners. Maybe we could do a PowerPoint.”

“That’s exactly what I was thinking!” Alana grinned. “I knew you’d be the perfect choice.”

Evan smiled back as the bell rang. He turned and hurried so he wouldn’t be late to math.

“Hey. How’s the girlfriend?”

“Who Alana?” Evan forced out his best fake laugh. “That’s funny Jared.”

Jared blinked. “Uh, thanks.” He smiled slightly to himself as he turned around.

Evan paid attention to the lecture this time. Well, he tried to. He still hated math and he still wasn’t entirely sure he understood what was going on. But he did his best.

At break, Evan poured over his history notes. Jared called him a dork but at lunch he pulled out his own notes and lazily quizzed Evan, making stupid jokes all the while.

Evan wasn’t sure he aced it. But he felt like he did significantly better than the first two times.

“Are you hungry?” Evan asked before Jared could.

“Sure. Wanna stop somewhere?”

Evan nodded.

They went in and Evan paid for Jared’s food. Jared eyed him suspiciously but thanked him anyway. They ate and talked and laughed and Evan felt like they were real friends again. He felt like he definitely did something right this time.

Jared dropped him off with a promise to come over the next day and Evan hurried inside. He cleaned his room. He cleaned the bathroom. He did the dishes and folded the towels that had been sitting in the dryer for two days. Then, he started pulling out pots and pans.

He heard keys in the door around ten o’clock.

“Hi mom. How was work?” He was at the door the minute she stepped in, taking her jacket and purse.

“Oh. Thank you. It was okay. I had- is something cooking?”

“I made dinner.”

“You... you cooked?” Heidi raised her eyebrows. “Honey that’s so thoughtful.”

They had dinner together, like they used to. Before Evan’s dad left and his mom started picking up more and more shifts at work. They talked about their days and Heidi complimented Evan’s cooking and afterwards, they did the dishes together.

The day seemed to drag on and on and on until it was suddenly over. Evan had been an angel. A perfect friend. A model student. A loving son. He’d even paid for the woman behind him when he went to buy a coffee for his mom before she got home. He was sure he fixed whatever had gone wrong. Everything had to be right now. He checked his phone. The alarm was off. Then he settled into bed and closed his eyes.

Chapter Text

“NO!” Evan screamed as his alarm went off. He checked the date even though he knew he didn’t have to. Friday. “No I did everything- I didn’t even- this can’t be real- I’m-” He sank to the floor, clutching at the carpet, trying not to hyperventilate.

He thought he was only there for a minute or so but before he knew it his phone was ringing. He looked over. Jared. He didn’t pick up the phone. Instead he ran downstairs and out the front door.

“Dude finally. I’ve been- what are you wearing?” Jared frowned as he got a proper look at Evan.

“What day is it?” Evan demanded.

“What the fuck are you-”

“What fucking day is it Jared!”

“It’s Friday!” Jared held his hands up. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Fuck!” Evan pressed his hands over his face. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”

“Hey.” Jared’s voice was suddenly very close to him. He pulled Evan’s hands away from his face. He looked so worried. Evan wanted to punch him. “What’s going on?”

“It’s not- it’s supposed to- I’m-!” Evan groaned. “Fuck!”

“Okay. Not super helpful.” Jared was still holding his wrists. “Wanna try that again?”

“It’s Saturday.”

“It’s… not.”

“I know! That’s the problem.”

“I don’t follow.” Jared dropped Evan’s hands and crossed his arms.

“It’s already been Friday. Friday already happened.”

“Uh yeah.” Jared tilted his head. “That’s how weeks work.”

“No!” Evan kicked Jared’s car tire. “I mean this Friday has already happened. Friday August sixteenth. This specific Friday. The third day of our senior year.” He grabbed Jared’s shoulders and shook him. “I already lived this day Jared. Three times. This is the fourth time it’s been Friday.”

“Okay.” Jared said slowly.

“I’m serious!”

“Okay.” Jared said again.

“I swear! I’m not-!” Evan didn’t get to defend himself further as tears started running down his face. “I’m…”

“Hey. Evan.” Jared said as Evan pressed his hands over his face. “I believe you.”

Evan looked up. He scoured Jared’s face for any of the telltale signs he was about to start laughing. He found none.

“You…. Seriously?”

“Yeah. I mean… okay. Look, I don’t know if I believe that you time traveled or whatever. But I don’t think you’re lying or… imagining it or whatever. I mean you have been known to imagine some insane stuff but… you never pretend it’s real. So if you say this is happening then… sure.”

“Sure?” Evan wiped his eyes. “I just told you I’m reliving the same day over and over and your response is sure?”

“Sure.” Jared shrugged. “Why not? Weirder shit has happened.”

“I… I don’t think it has.” Evan shook his head.

“Agree to disagree.”

“Right.” Evan had stopped crying with the shock of Jared’s easy acceptance. “Well… thanks for not calling me crazy.” Evan pulled the passenger door open.

Jared didn’t move from the front of the car. “What are you doing?”

“Going… to school?” Evan paused, the door halfway open.

“Why?”

“What?”

“Why?” Jared repeated. “I mean, it doesn’t matter right? The day’s just gonna start over. So we don’t have to go.”

“Well…”

“Right?” Jared leaned against the hood. “That’s what you said.”

“Yeah but… we have to go because…”

“Because?”

Because he didn’t know what else to do.

“Because?” Jared repeated.

“Because what if today is the day it stops?”

Jared snorted. “Why would today be the one?”

“I don’t know! I don’t know why any of this is happening so who’s to say when it will stop!”

“Okay.” Jared still didn’t move. “So we go to school on the off chance that it won’t start over again?”

“I mean… yeah.”

“Evan.” Jared finally walked over to him. “How many times have you gone to these classes?”

“Th-”

“That was a rhetorical question. Aren’t you tired?”

“But what if-”

“Yeah what if you wake up and tomorrow and it actually is Saturday right?”

Evan nodded.

“Yeah.” Jared leaned in. “So. What.”

“I… what?”

“So we missed one day of school, who cares dude?”

“I mean… but… we can’t just…”

“Does anything important happen today?” Jared raised an eyebrow. “Is there anything that happens at school that would kill you to miss.”

“We have that history test.”

“We can make it up.”

“But…” Evan stared at him. He hated that Jared was right. There was no way he’d be lucky enough to get out of whatever was happening already. No possible reason that this nightmare would end today. He knew he’d wake up tomorrow and it would be Friday again and nothing they did today would matter at all. He also hated that he hadn’t thought of ditching yet. He took a breath. And then he got into the car.

Jared walked around and got into the driver’s side. He looked at Evan expectantly.

“Let’s get breakfast.”

Jared grinned and started the car.

“Okay so,” Jared started through a mouthful of pancakes. “How many times have you done this?”

“This?” Evan gestured to his plate of food. “Never.”

Jared shook his head and waved his hand vaguely. “This like this day.”

“Oh. This is the fourth time.”

“How are you keeping track?”

“What?” Evan frowned. “I don’t know. I just remember. Four isn’t that many times.”

“Right. And how many times have you told me?”

“Um…” Evan dragged his fork through a puddle of syrup. “Once.”

Jared made an offended noise. “Why didn’t you tell me before!”

“Well, okay. So the first time was just a day, obviously.”

Jared rolled his eyes and motioned for Evan to continue.

“The second time I thought I was going crazy or it was a dream or- or déjà vu or something. You know, I didn’t get what was happening.”

“Okay fine. I’ll give you that one. But what about last time?”

“Last time I thought uh… I thought if I like… went out of my way to be a good person it might… fix things.”

Jared smirked at him. “How’d that work out for you?”

“Shut up.”

“So what exactly happens?”

Evan gave him a quizzical look as he bit into a strip of bacon.

“Like you know,” Jared leaned forward on his elbows. “Is it like after a certain thing happens that it starts over? Is it at midnight? Is it when you fall asleep? Do you die and then wake up on Friday?”

“What? Don’t you think I would’ve mentioned if I was fucking dying everyday Jared?”

“I don’t know.” Jared shrugged, leaning back against the booth. “Apparently you don’t like telling me stuff so.”

“Oh my god.” Evan rolled his eyes.

“I mean really… if you can’t talk to your best friend of eighteen years, who can you talk to Evan?”

“My thoughts exactly.” Evan mumbled.

They finished eating and Jared left a thirty dollar tip because it wouldn’t count. Evan couldn’t decide if that was nice or shitty. He still suspected that Jared didn’t really believe him so he decided to call it nice. But Jared was firm in his stance that he wouldn’t lose any money.

“Everything resets right? It won’t matter?”

“What if it does?” Evan asked.

“Then you owe me thirty bucks.”

“You’re the one who left the tip.”

“It’s the price of getting you out of the time loop thing.” Jared shrugged.

Evan didn’t argue. Thirty bucks was nothing if he got to wake up tomorrow and have it actually be tomorrow.

“What do we do now?” He asked.

Jared looked at him. “I don’t know. It’s your day. I mean, I’m not gonna remember it so… what do you want to do?”

It was a supremely fucked up sentiment but Evan chose anyway.

They went to the aquarium. Something about watching the fish had always been calming to Evan. They wandered through huge glass tanks and shallow pools. They bought overpriced sandwiches from the café and Evan spent way too much money on a stuffed whale for himself and a fake shark tooth necklace for Jared who swore it would make him look cool. It didn’t.

His mom called to ask why he wasn’t at school and Evan lied and said he wasn’t feeling well. He told her Jared was bringing him his assignments and prayed she didn’t call Mrs. Kleinman.

“You wanna go home?” Jared asked. They were sitting on the hood of his car, finishing their ice cream cones at the lake.

And the funny thing was, Evan didn’t want to go home. In fact, he really wanted to keep sitting there with Jared, laughing about how nothing mattered, doing stupid shit that would get them in trouble on any other day.

But he didn’t know how to say that. So he just nodded and slid off the car.

“So,” Jared said as they sat on Evan’s bed, staring at the clock. “What happens if I stay here after you fall asleep?”

“I don’t know.” Evan frowned. “Maybe… I don’t know.”

“And I guess you can’t exactly ask me what happens tomorrow huh?” Jared laughed but it sounded forced.

“Not really.”

“What happens to me?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well like… is it like everyone else moves on and you just… go back in time?” Jared tilted his head. “Or are we all trapped in this day but the rest of us just don’t remember it?”

Evan stared at him. “How the hell would I know the answer to that?”

“Alright. Alright. Damn, it was just a question.”

Evan wanted to say something else but he was suddenly feeling extremely tired.

Chapter Text

Of course, the loop wasn’t broken because Evan ditched school once. He thought about telling Jared the next day but he didn’t feel like answering all those questions again, so he just sat quietly throughout the day while Jared gave him weird looks. He ignored Jared’s prodding until he finally got to go home and crawl under the covers until he fell asleep.

The days kept coming and Evan kept living them. Sometimes he did weird things just because he knew they wouldn’t matter. If nothing else, this was doing wonders for his “people will think I’m weird” anxiety. Who cared what people thought when they’d all forget those thoughts the next day? So sometimes he’d fuck up his day on purpose. Ditch class, “borrow” Jared’s car and go to the zoo, ask Zoe Murphy to prom. He spent a lot of days with Jared. Sometimes he told Jared what was going on, sometimes he didn’t. Sometimes they fought, sometimes Jared thought he was acting weird. But sometimes they had really nice days together.

It was almost fun.

It would’ve been fun. If Evan didn’t hate it so much. What was the point of having a fun day with Jared when he’d forget it? Hell, what was the point of fighting with Jared when he’d forget it? What was the point of anything anymore? And that would’ve been a breakthrough moment in regards to his anxiety if Evan had the energy to care about anything anymore. But he didn’t. He was just tired.

So here was day ten. Evan wanted to ditch school again. Jared was right, he was getting really tired of sitting through the same lectures over and over. On the bright side, he was pretty sure he’d get out of this with a solid A on that history test and a thorough understanding of the math lesson.

But Jared called him before he made up his mind so he decided he’d just go. He threw weirder and weirder conversation topics at Jared as the day wore on. If he had to talk about that fucking history test one more time he was gonna lose it. Maybe he’d snap and crash the car. He wondered if death would break this chain. He decided if he wasn’t out by round one hundred he’d fuck around and find out. As it was, it was getting a little hard to keep track. He knew he was on ten. Every day, he woke up and wrote down the number so he wouldn’t forget. But he wasn’t sure how long he’d be able to remember. Or how long he’d even care to keep track.

“Hello?” Jared shoved him.

“What?” Evan blinked. “They were at the same fast food place they usually ended up. Sometimes he’d fight Jared and they’d go somewhere else. Mostly he didn’t care. “Sorry. I spaced. What?”

“I said, your house or mine?”

“Uh… for what?”

“To hang out?” Jared raised an eyebrow. “You’re the one who asked.”

“Right. Sorry.” Sometimes he couldn’t remember if things had happened that day or the one before. “Um, mine.”

“Cool.” Jared took a long drink of his milkshake while staring intently at Evan.

“What?”

Jared shrugged. “You’re weird today.”

If Evan had a dollar for every time Jared had said that, he could buy a car and hire someone to hit him with it. “Let’s just go.”

“So, what’s up?” Jared leaned against Evan’s doorframe.

“Pardon?” Evan couldn’t tell if he was exhausted or if Jared was being vague.

“Why are you being all,” He wiggled his fingers. “Spacey? What’s going on?”

He was teasing but there was that tone underneath. The one that sounded like concern.

“Nothing.”

“Come on. I know you’re lying.”

“You really want to know?” Evan sighed. He told Jared sometimes. But mostly he didn’t. It was sort of annoying having to explain it over and over.

“I mean,” Jared shrugged. “I don’t care either way. I’m not your mom. Just figured it might be interesting.”

“Why do you always do that?” Evan groaned. Over the past ten Fridays he’d seen that Jared actually did care about him. So it was becoming increasingly frustrating that he wouldn’t just say it. And that he kept acting like Evan was this annoying responsibility he had.

“Do what?” Jared squinted at him.

“Act like you’re too cool for me or whatever!” Evan threw his hands up. “You know you’re just as unpopular as I am! You’re not better than me!”

“When have I ever said I was better than you?” Jared raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms.

“You don’t have to say it. You act like it!”

“This is just my personality dude.” Jared shrugged but Evan could see him starting to break and it spurred Evan on. He needed something new, something different. He dug his fingers into the cracks.

“Well your personality sucks.”

Jared blinked. His face hardened. “You think you’re such a treat to be around?”

“At least I’m not an asshole!”

“Ha!” Jared laughed humorlessly. “Good one!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You think just because you don’t outright insult people means you’re this perfect little angel huh? You’re an asshole in your own way. You think no one else has shit to deal with but you!”

“That’s not-”

“You don’t care about anyone’s problems but your own! You have an anxiety and your mom works a lot! Boo fucking hoo! Everyone has shit! You’re not special because of yours!”

“I’ve never said I was!”

“You don’t have to say it.” Jared mocked. “You act like it.”

“Well if I’m such a nightmare to be around why are you still here!”

“I just-”

“Don’t give me some bullshit excuse about car insurance or family friends! You love hanging out with me! You initiate conversations! You wait for me! You drive me to school! That’s not because of an obligation!”

“I don’t do any of that shit for you!”

“Oh please!” Evan laughed. “You do everything with me! You just act like it’s this big inconvenience! But I know you like being around me! It’s not because you have to! I know it’s not!”

“Well maybe I’m just fucking in love with you!” Jared screamed. He took a quick breath like he hadn’t meant to say it.

“You…” Evan felt like all the wind had been sucked out of his lungs. Of all the things he expected to come out of this fight, that was not even close to anything Evan had imagined.

Jared suddenly shoved past him. Evan vaguely realized that he should probably go after him. That they should talk about it. But it didn’t matter, did it? Jared would wake up tomorrow with no memory of saying any of this. And Evan would just have to sit with it. He thought maybe he died that first Friday. Maybe this whole thing was just Evan’s personal hell and he’d just have to spend the rest of eternity doing things that no one would remember. Knowing things and not being able to do anything about them.

He heard Jared’s car start and drive off. He stood there until he realized the sun had gone down and it was dark. Then he slowly climbed into bed, fully clothed, and closed his eyes. He couldn’t think of a single god damn thing besides Jared screaming that he was in love with him.

Chapter Text

Evan was uncomfortable sitting in Jared’s car. It didn’t feel right that Jared greeted him so easily. That he asked if Evan was ready for the history test. He ditched Jared as soon as they got out of the car. He spent the morning wandering the football field and feeling sick.

“Hey how’s-?”

“She’s not my girlfriend.” Evan cut him off, dropping into his seat.

Jared frowned. “How did you know I-”

“Do you wanna hang out today?”

“Um…” Jared eyed him. “I guess. Not like I have anything better to do.”

Evan nodded and then stared past Jared at the whiteboard.

Jared kept looking at him for a few seconds before he turned around.

This time when the bell rang, Evan was the first one out of his seat. He didn’t wait for Jared, he couldn’t stand being around him anymore. Not with this stupid small talk suffocating him. He wanted to talk to him, really talk. God, he wanted Jared to remember. Even if it meant he’d still be angry.

Jared caught up with him at lunch, just before he slipped into a classroom. He grabbed Evan’s arm.

“Hey. What the fuck is up with you today?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re acting super weird.”

Evan shrugged. “I don’t know what to tell you.”

Jared clearly didn’t buy that. “Am I still coming over later?”

“Yeah.” Evan sidestepped him. “I’ll meet you by your car.”

“So then she says it has to be four pages,” Jared was rambling about his English class. He’d been talking since they met up in the parking lot and he hadn’t stopped the whole ride home. Evan had tuned most of it out. And now, they were walking into Evan’s bedroom and Evan needed him to shut up. “And I didn’t even know we were-”

“Do you have feelings for me?” He’d decided to avoid the word love, for fear of sending Jared into another screaming fit.

Jared blinked. “I- you- what?”

“Do you?” Evan pointed at him. “Have feelings. For me.” He pointed at himself.

“I… no! What?” Jared stared at him. “Are you on something dude?”

“Jared just-”

“No seriously.” He slipped into his fake concerned voice. “Did you hit your head? Are you in need of-”

“Jared I know you’re in love with me!” Evan yelled.

“I don’t know what you’re-”

“Yes you do! Stop lying to me!”

Jared took a step back, his smirk twisting into a shaky frown. He was blinking quickly. Shit.

“Jared. Hey, look I didn’t mean to-” He stopped as Jared turned away and scrubbed at his face violently. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.” Evan finished quietly.

“Shut up! Just shut up.”

“I-I want to help. I… why are you…?”

“Yeah fine. I have fucking feelings for you.” Jared turned and glared at him. “How did you find out?”

“Um…” Evan hadn’t thought that far ahead. “I just… knew.”

“For how long?” Jared was still trying to be angry but there were tears running down his face and Evan couldn’t think straight when he just stood there crying like that.

“I don’t know. Not very long. A day or so.”

“Well…” Jared clenched his jaw. “Don’t.”

“What?”

“Don’t know it. Stop knowing it.”

“I don’t understand.” Evan stepped forward. To do what, he had no idea. He just wanted Jared to stop crying.

“Just don’t know it!” Jared suddenly shoved past him and down the stairs. Evan felt déjà vu from the day before and then wondered if that was even possible when you’re stuck in a time loop.

He walked to the window and watched Jared get into the car. He just sat there for a moment, hands pressed over his face. Then he wiped his eyes and started the car.

Evan flopped onto his bed. Oh well. He supposed he’d just try again tomorrow.

Chapter Text

Evan decided to go for a softer approach next time. No yelling. He got into Jared’s car and greeted him politely. He laughed at his joke in math which made Jared smile. He walked with Jared to his locker during break and leaned against the wall.

“Jared.”

“Hmm?” Jared was digging through his backpack, looking for something.

“Do you like anyone?”

Jared’s hand stilled for just a second before resuming its task. “No. Why?”

“I just uh… I sort of had the feeling that you might… like… me.”

Jared froze. “Uh…” He looked up. “Why… would you think that?”

“I don’t know.” Evan shrugged, trying to look calm. “Just seemed like it.”

“Well… hate to disappoint but I don’t.”

Evan bit back the urge to push him. “Okay.”

Jared laughed suddenly.

“What?” Evan crossed his arms.

“It’s just funny, you being so direct like that. I mean honesty,” He smirked slightly. “What would you have done if I said yes huh? What would you possibly have said to me?”

“I… I don’t- I would’ve… uh…”

“Exactly.” Jared snorted. He closed his locker.

“Okay but…” Evan followed him down the hall. “It’s just sometimes you act like-”

“I said I don’t.”

“But you-”

“Evan!” Jared rounded on him. “I don’t like you okay? Sorry if that’s heartbreaking news but it’s the truth.”

“I…” Evan sighed. “Okay. Sorry.”

By lunch it seemed Jared had forgotten about the whole thing. Until Evan stupidly reminded him.

“You’re eating school lunch?” Jared raised an eyebrow. They had this conversation once a week back in the real world.

“Better than starving.” Was Evan’s usual reply.

“Yeah.” Jared rolled his eyes. “Or we could just go get something after school.”

“Well this is cheaper than-”

“Oh my god dude. I will buy you lunch after school.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Yeah well, if I don’t take care of you who will?” He said with a snarky grin as he ruffled Evan’s hair.

“See. That. Right there.” Evan cocked his head. “That’s like… it’s like you’re flirting with me.”

Jared’s smile dropped. “Jesus Christ are you still on this?”

“Yes.”

“Well move on. I already told you I don’t-”

“But then why do you-”

“Because that’s what friends do you fucking idiot. God. Let me knew when you stop being such a fucking weirdo.” He turned and stomped off.

Evan walked quickly into the nearest bathroom, checked all the stalls, and then kicked one of the doors as hard as he could. It made a satisfying banging sound but also caused a throbbing pain in his foot. He was mad at Jared. He was mad at himself. He was mad at whatever was causing him to be stuck in this stupid day. He kicked the door one more time for good measure and then stormed off to the bleachers on the football field where he wouldn’t have to see anyone.

“Oh fuck off.” Evan groaned when he arrived. “Of course you’re here.”

Connor Murphy looked up. “Excuse me?”

“I looked everywhere else for you.” Evan stomped toward him. “And how come you ditch bio huh? Why can’t you just show up to class for once?”

“What are you talking about?” Connor stood up as Evan finally reached him.

“I’m talking about you.” Evan jabbed a finger into his chest.

“Don’t touch me.”

“And the fact that you can’t just go to the one class I need you to be in. Why does everything have to be so fucked up?” He leaned into Connor’s space. “Why can’t you just do one god damn thing for me?”

Evan had gotten loose with things as he became more accustomed to the fact that the days didn’t count anymore. He’d forgotten about consequences because those usually didn’t have time to affect him. But getting punched in the fact still hurts like a motherfucker even if you’re stuck in a time loop.

He went home early. He didn’t care that he’d get in trouble, he’d never make it to the day his detention would be assigned for. He didn’t care that he left Jared to wait for him in the parking lot. He didn’t even care that Connor Murphy punched him. He hated this stupid day. He put an ice pack on his face and laid down, waiting until the day ended.

And the worst part was, he absolutely hated what Jared had said.

What would you have done if I said yes huh?

Because that was a great fucking point. He was mad he hadn’t thought about it before. He spent all this time trying to get Jared to tell him how he felt so that he could say what? What did he even want to do with Jared’s confession. He clearly wanted to hear it again so that had to mean something. But what? Did it mean he was in love with Jared? Or just that he was unhealthily obsessed with the idea of anyone loving him?

Or maybe he just wanted the sick satisfaction of knowing that Jared did care about him, deeply. That he was willing to be utterly vulnerable so Evan could turn him down. But that couldn’t be it, neither of the times Jared said it had felt remotely satisfying. Evan had always felt guilty and worried. And dizzy.

Chapter Text

Evan woke up with a throbbing headache which his alarm only made worse. He figured that was fair, unlucky thirteen and all. He touched his eye gingerly. It still hurt. He laid in bed a while longer, trying to convince himself to get more ice.

He didn’t want to go to school and he definitely didn’t want to see Jared so he ignored the phone when it rang. He’d never done that before.

Sometimes he’d answer and tell Jared to go without him. Sometimes he’d text Jared right when he woke up that he was staying home sick. Sometimes he’d come outside before Jared called. But he’d never waited for the call and then completely ignored it.

So he wasn’t expecting Jared to come inside.

“Hey.”

“What the fuck!” Evan jumped. He was in the middle of digging through the freezer for another ice pack. “How did you get in?”

Jared jerked a thumb over his shoulder. “Door was unlocked.” He frowned as he finally got a good look at Evan’s face. “Dude, what happened?”

“What?”

“What’s with your face?’ Jared pointed to his own eye.

“I got…” Evan trailed off. He hadn’t even thought about it when he woke up with the pain. He didn’t even register that the black eye should’ve been gone. Should’ve reset like everything else. He raced to the bathroom leaving Jared frowning in the kitchen.

Sure enough, there was still a nice purple bruise over his eye. He wiggled his toes and felt a dull pain where he’d kicked the door too.

“Holy shit.” He whispered.

“Uh dude?” Jared called from the hallway.

Evan’s excitement fizzled as he remembered Jared. He knew that technically it wasn’t Jared’s fault he’d gotten punched, but he still blamed him for it a little anyway. And he had been so stubborn yesterday that Evan wasn’t exactly in the mood to see him.

He walked out of the bathroom and shoved Jared toward the door.

“I’m not going to school today. Go without me.”

“What do you mean you’re not going?” Jared frowned at him. “We have a test.”

“I’ll make it up.”

“You never ditch.” Jared stopped the door before Evan could get it closed. “What’s going on?”

Evan ground his teeth. Jared did not get to be all nice and concerned after yesterday. Of course, he didn’t remember yesterday but that wasn’t an excuse.

“I’m just not going.”

“Tell me why.”

“Why?” Evan knew one way to make him leave. “Why do you care? What? Are you worried about me?”

“Honestly?” Jared snorted. “A little.”

That made Evan pause. “Really?”

“Kinda.” Jared raised his eyebrows. “I mean you don’t answer the phone when I call, you have a fucking black eye that you never explained, and now you’re ditching school. That’s kinda concerning.”

“Well…” Fuck why was it working? Why did he sort of want to tell Jared what happened?

“Well?”

No. He didn’t need this. And he was still sort of mad about being made fun of even though he was right about Jared liking him.

“Just go.”

“Just tell me-”

“I’ll tell you tomorrow. Okay?”

Jared eyed him. “Fine.” He held his hands up. “But I’m holding you to that. I won’t forget.” He stepped out and closed the door.

“I’d love it if you didn’t forget.” Evan mumbled to himself. He waited until he heard Jared pull out of the driveway before starting his four step plan.

Step one: get more ice. Because his eye really fucking hurt.

Step two: make a quick breakfast. Because hey, he may be stuck in a Friday purgatory with no clear means of escape, but he is still human. And breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

Step three: locate a sharpie. That one took a while. Evan could’ve sworn he just bought like eight but for some reason they were nowhere to be found. He looked all over the house and finally found one in the bottom drawer of his desk, buried underneath an assortment of half empty stacks of post it notes, a handful fidget toys, and about 200 dried up markers.

Step four: start making tally marks.

He had to put them somewhere he could easily hide and also easily write on. So he decided on his thigh. It was cold enough to wear pants during this time of the year. Well, it was cold enough on this one specific Friday, and the weather wouldn’t be changing anytime soon.

He carefully made twelve tally marks in neat rows, crossing the lines on the fifth stroke.

“And today makes thirteen.” He said, adding one final line. “There.” He straightened up, already feeling a stiffness in his back from sitting hunched over.

The next morning he woke up and immediately checked his leg. Yep, clear as day. Thirteen tally marks. He dug the Sharpie out again (that was going to be annoying to do every day) and added another.

He was still sort of in a mood about Jared, but he was slightly rejuvenated by the idea of making some sort of progress about this whole thing. Not that this knowledge actually helped him figure anything out but hey, it was something. That being said, he decided to take another stab at the whole school thing. And unfortunately, it was Jared’s car or walking. So he stood in his driveway exactly thirty seconds before Jared pulled up.

“Yo, what’s up with your-”

“Don’t ask.” Evan snapped. His bruise had faded almost all the way. But there was still a faint yellowish color around his eye.

“Alright damn.” Jared shook his head as he started backing up. “Someone’s cranky.”

“Shut up.” Evan knew he was being harsh but he was still frustrated with everything about Jared, including the fact that he still didn’t know how he felt about him.

As soon as Jared parked, Evan was out of the car and speed walking across campus. He didn’t know what he was going to do today. Maybe something utterly stupid. Or maybe, nothing interesting at all.

He spent most of the day avoiding Jared. He didn’t want to hear his jokes or his comments about how Evan was being weird. Even the thought of it made him upset enough to dodge Jared who was waiting by his locker for Evan to get out of class.

Evan was just about halfway across the parking lot when Jared ran up to him and grabbed his arm.

“Hey. Are you mad at me?”

Evan was about to tell him to fuck off when he noticed Jared’s face. He looked… hurt. But in that Jared way where he was very clearly trying to pretend he wasn’t but there was still a furrow in his brow and his lips tugged down at the corners.

“Cause I don’t really know what I did but you just disappeared all day. And now you’re walking home and like…” Jared waved his hand. “I just… want to know… if you’re mad.”

“I am mad.” Evan tapped his foot. “But not at you.”

“Oh.” Jared hooked his thumbs through his backpack strap. “Then why are you mad?”

Evan shook his head. “I…” He sighed. “I’ll tell you tomorrow. I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

“Okay.” Jared lingered. “Do you want a ride home?”

Evan nodded. And he suddenly knew how he’d answer Jared. If he ever got the chance again.

Chapter Text

So, as it had been a million times before, Jared was back on Evan’s good side without really having to do anything at all. Evan wanted him to confess again. And he wanted to say something back.

“Hey.” Jared nodded as Evan got into the car.

“I want to hang out with you today.” Evan said immediately.

“Uh,” Jared raised his eyebrows. “Okay. Sure.”

“Cool.”

“You feeling okay?”

“I’m good.” Evan smiled. “I just like hanging out with you.”

“You just like…” Jared laughed. “Okay. Sure. Why not?”

They got along that day. Evan laughed at Jared’s jokes and Jared even laughed at some of Evan’s. They whined about the history test and threw napkins at each other at the fast food place. It was one of the best days he’d had with Jared in a long time. Not just counting Fridays.

“Can I tell you something?” They were sitting cross-legged on Evan’s bedroom floor under the guise of playing Monopoly but neither of them had actually moved their piece in several minutes.

“Sure.” Jared continued to shuffle the property cards even though neither of them had enough money to buy anything.

“Sometimes…” Evan took a breath. “Sometimes I feel like no one will ever love me. Like… I’ll get a crush on someone and all I can think about is how they’ll never see me like that.”

The shuffling stopped. “Like with Zoe.”

Evan looked up. Jared picked up one of the dice and rolled it around in his hand. “Sure. I guess. But… do you know what I mean?”

If he could just get Jared to admit he was also scared of rejection, maybe they could get somewhere.

“Yeah. I guess. I kinda…” Jared paused, letting the dice fall onto the board with a clatter. Two. “I kinda wanna go to therapy.”

Evan straightened up. That wasn’t where he thought this conversation was going.

“Um… why?”

Jared looked up with a hurt expression.

“No. No.” Evan said quickly. “I didn’t mean why like why I just meant… I mean like… for what?”

“Lots of stuff.” Jared shrugged. “Anger. Depression. General fear of… I don’t know… failure, or rejection maybe.”

“Oh.” It’s not like Jared’s emotional problems were news to Evan. But… he hadn’t known they were bad enough that Jared actually considered therapy.

“It’s stupid.”

“No!” Evan shook his head. “It’s not stupid at all.”

“I don’t even know if I really want to.”

“Well… I think it would be good… if you went.”

Jared nodded. “Yeah. How’s it going for you huh?” He squeezed his eyes shut. “I didn’t mean to say it like that. I’m genuinely asking.”

“It’s…” Evan rolled a few words around in his mouth. “It’s good. Generally.”

“Generally.” Jared repeated.

“Yeah well… I think there’s some stuff that it can’t fix. But there’s also a lot that it really helps with.”

Jared nodded again.

“I could um…” Evan picked at the game board. “I could help you look for one. If you want.”

Jared frowned at him, not angry. Confused.

“A therapist, I mean.” Evan clarified. “I went through like so many resources when I was looking for mine. I could help. Only if you want. I mean, I get that this is really personal and you don’t even know if-”

“That would be really cool actually.” Jared interrupted. “I don’t really know how to bring it up to my parents. Maybe if I had some like… research or whatever, they’d take it seriously.”

Evan nodded quickly. “Yeah. Yeah, we could do that.”

“Thanks.” Jared stared at the monopoly piece in his hand.

“Of course.” Evan smiled. And then he was hit with it. The memory of what his life was right now. The realization that none of this mattered. That Jared would be closed off again tomorrow and he wouldn’t remember any talk of therapy or any plans for Evan to help him.

He sighed and Jared looked up.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Evan shook his head. He offered Jared a tired smile. “This was just… a good day.”

Jared wrinkled his nose. “I guess.”

“You should talk to me more.” Evan said.

Jared snorted. “Probably not gonna happen.”

“Why?”

“Because,” Jared started to fidget. “I don’t like… talking. You know, talking like this.”

“But why?” Evan pressed. “I’m your friend. I want to help.”

“Yeah well…” Jared’s face flushed.

Evan suddenly had an idea. He thought that if he could get things to work with Jared, really work, then maybe this nightmare would end. It was a stupidly unreasonable idea but so was the concept of waking up on Friday for fifteen days in a row. So why not? Why couldn’t that be the answer? What if the universe was just making Evan try again and again until he finally got it right with Jared?

“I should go.” Jared said suddenly, standing up.

“Wait!” Evan stood up too and got a ridiculous head rush. He swayed and felt Jared grab his arm.

“You okay?”

“What time is it?”

“Uh,” Jared pulled his phone out. “Oh shit. It’s almost midnight. I gotta go.”

“No you… wait…” Evan was struggling to keep his eyes open. He fought it with everything in him despite knowing it was useless. “You just… hold on…”

And then it was black.

Chapter Text

Evan was really tired of waking up in a bad mood. He yanked his desk drawer open to add another tally mark. Sixteen, a new row. He slammed his finger in the drawer when he closed it and screamed every curse word he could think of even after the pain subsided.

He’d been so close yesterday. If he just had ten more minutes he could’ve ended this all right then. But of course he realized what he needed to do a second too late. And sure, he could try again today, but the idea of starting over again, of getting Jared to open up again. It exhausted him. Sixteen fucking days he’d been doing this.

He ignored Jared’s phone call but went downstairs anyway.

“Did you-”

“No I didn’t study for the fucking history test Jared.”

Jared glanced at him. “Geez someone’s-”

“I swear to god,” Evan snapped. “If you say grouchy or cranky or wrong side of the bed I will throw myself into oncoming traffic.”

“Jesus Christ.” Jared muttered under his breath.

Evan stalked away from Jared the second they parked and planned to avoid him for the rest of the day. Apparently, he didn’t need to work too hard for that.

Jared didn’t acknowledge Evan when he walked into math. There was no joke about a girlfriend. No conversation about after school plans. Evan was glad for the silence.

He was still angry by lunch. He considered yelling at Connor again to get punched so he’d feel something besides the burning anger. That was part of the reason he wanted to avoid Jared too. He was angry, but not at Jared. It wasn’t his fault. He didn’t deserve to be Evan’s punching bag, even if he would forget it in the morning.

Not that Evan hadn’t already been plenty mean to him. He thought with a bitter laugh that with his luck, this would be the day that finally ended it. He’d wake up tomorrow and it would be Saturday and Jared would go on hating him.

It wasn’t. In fact, he spent two days like that. Angry. Alone. Planning. He needed a solid game plan if he was going to get this to work. Needed to be firm with Jared, but not harsh, not enough to upset him. Just enough to make him understand that Evan was serious. He spent the second day at home, planning and listening to angry music blaring from his speaker. He didn’t eat, hardly acknowledged his mom when she came home. But when he went to bed at 11:30, he felt prepared for one last Friday.

Chapter Text

“Hey.” Jared nodded as Evan got into the car.

“Hi.” Evan buckled his seatbelt. “You look nice today.”

“Uh… what?” Jared stared at him.

Evan shrugged. “You just look good.”

Jared eyed him for another minute before saying, “Okay dude. Whatever.” And pulling out of the driveway.

Evan smiled at the blush on his cheeks.

He hung around at Jared’s locker all morning, talking about stupid stuff, pretending he was nervous about the history test, laughing at Jared’s jokes. Jared seemed to be in a better mood than previous days. Although, Evan had sort of figured out that their moods heavily influenced one another so that wasn’t surprising.

“So,” Jared said, as they sat down in math together. “How’s the girlfriend?”

“Funny.” Evan said, nudging him. “But I’m not really into Zoe anymore.”

“What?” Jared snorted, twisting around. “Since fucking when?”

“I don’t know. A while I guess.” Evan shrugged, focusing on pulling his notebook out. “I don’t even really know her and I think… I think I really liked the version of her I made up in my head but… she’s a person you know? She’s not going to be like I thought and…” He sighed. “I just want to be with someone who I really know, and who I care about as they are. And who will care about me as I am.”

Jared stared at him for several seconds without saying anything. Then he swallowed, shook his head and said, “I don’t get you.” And turned back around.

Evan smiled. “That’s okay.”

“You should come over today.” Evan said at lunch.

Jared gave him the same suspicious look he’d been giving him all day. “Why?”

Evan shrugged. “Just thought it would be fun to hang out.” He twisted the cap off his water bottle. “You don’t have to. We can hang out another time.”

“Sure.” Jared said. And he didn’t elaborate on which one he was agreeing to. But Evan knew.

“So what’s up with you today?” Jared asked as they settled onto the couch.

Evan thought for a moment. Or… he pretended to think. He’d gone over it a million times the day before and he thought he’d figured out the right way to get Jared to tell him the truth.

“Do you really hate me?”

“What?”

“Do you really hate me?” Evan repeated. “You know… are you really only here because you have to be?”

Jared looked at him for a long time. “No.”

“Then why do you pretend to be?” Evan asked softly. Direct questions, he’d decided, but with a gentle tone. He didn’t want Jared to feel like he was attacking him. Just… asking.

Jared shook his head at first but Evan just kept sitting there, waiting. Finally, Jared sighed.

“You make me… nervous.”

Evan frowned slightly. “Why?”

“Because… I can’t say it. Don’t make me say it.”

“Because why?” Evan pressed.

Jared glared at his lap. “Why does it matter?”

“Because it does.” Evan said firmly. He sighed when Jared tensed. “Sorry. Okay fine, if I tell you why it’s so important to me, will you tell me why I make you nervous?”

“Maybe.” Jared said, and it meant yes.

“Over the past couple of weeks,” He didn’t mention that those weeks had been made up of the same day over and over. “I’ve realized that I think I’ve been… misjudging you. I don’t think you’re as annoyed by me as you say. And I think you genuinely enjoy my company sometimes. And I really like hanging out with you. Like… I have a lot fun with you. But I just can’t figure out why you act like you don’t. I just want to know why. Is it something to do with me?”

“No.” Jared said immediately. “Or well… yes. But not in the way you’re thinking.”

“Care to explain?”

“No.” Jared said but he kept talking anyway. “I’m not really good at confrontation. You know that. I’d rather just ignore things. But sometimes there are things I can’t just ignore. So I have to… violently swing the opposite way to try and avoid the conversation.”

“Okay…” Evan cocked his head. “That… sorta makes sense.”

“Right. So like with you… I don’t want to talk about it. Because there’s a lot that could go wrong. So I flip. Pretend you annoy me. Because if you think I hate you that sucks. But it’s better than…”

“Than?”

Jared sighed. “It’s better than you finding out that I like you.”

Evan bumped his shoulder softly. “Like me how?”

“You know how.”

“Jared?”

“What?”

“Did you ever consider that maybe I like you too?”

“No.” Jared snorted. “That would be stupid.”

Evan sighed. “You’re really difficult to talk to.”

Jared finally turned to look at him, grinning. “I know.”

“Why do you have to make it so hard?”

“It’s fun.”

“Really?” Evan raised an eyebrow.

Jared smiled sadly. “No. It sucks.”

“Exactly. So why can’t you just ask me out like a normal person?”

He didn’t expect it to work. He expected another joke. Or a deflection. A new topic.

Instead Jared shrugged. “Evan, will you go out with me?”

“Oh. You actually- wow. Uh- I mean yes.”

“Smooth.” Jared snorted.

“Shut up.” Evan shoved him. “I didn’t think you’d actually do it.”

“Well you made it pretty obvious you’d say yes so… what the hell right?”

“Okay but even when you know the outcome is probably gonna be good, that doesn’t always mean it’s easy to-”

“As your boyfriend am I legally allowed to kiss you when you’re talking too much?”

Evan short circuited. There were too many implications in that sentence for him to even begin to answer with words. So he just nodded.

Jared laughed at him for one second and then in the next, he was kissing him.

Evan had only ever kissed one other person. And it was more that she kissed him while he just stood there and didn’t move at all because he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. He really hoped he was doing better this time.

Whether or not that was true, Jared seemed to be enjoying it. One of his hands was in Evan’s hair and he definitely had more experience with this than Evan. Which was weird because Evan had been sure that Jared was lying about all those people he claimed to have made out with at computer camp.

Jared pulled back suddenly. “What are you freaking out about?”

“Huh?”

“You’re tense.” Jared poked his stomach. “What are you thinking about?”

“Oh. Nothing! I just-” He stopped when he saw the unimpressed look on Jared’s face. “I just haven’t kissed anyone in a long time.”

Jared snorted. “Well, you were doing great, if you were curious.”

He was but he shrugged like he didn’t care.

Jared laughed. “I like you a lot.” He said quietly. “Like… a stupid amount. It’s sort of annoying how much I like you.”

Evan couldn’t stop the smile that overtook his face. “God that’s such a Jared way to say that.”

“Is that bad?”

Evan shook his head. “It’s good. I like you too. And I know what you mean, about it being annoying.”

“Yeah.” Jared nodded. “Not like because it’s you. Just because… it’s us.”

“I get it.” Evan hooked his pinky around Jared’s. “So we’re like… boyfriends now.”

“I suppose we are.” Jared flipped his hand and laced it through Evan’s. “That’s cool.”

“Very cool.”

“Insanely cool.”

Evan smiled. “I never changed your contact back from that by the way.”

“Really?” Jared laughed. “I did that in like… what? Seventh grade?”

“Yeah. I don’t know. I just left it.”

“Well you have to change it now.”

“Why?” Evan frowned at him.

“Well you gotta put like a heart or some shit at least.” Jared avoided his eyes.

“Oh. Right. Sure.” Evan pulled his phone out and deleted The Insanely Cool Jared Kleinman. His thumbs hovered over the keyboard. Jared pretended to not watch him.

“There.” Evan showed him the screen.

Jared snorted. “Insanely Cool Boyfriend.” He nodded. “Acceptable.”

“What about me?” Evan prodded him. “What do you have me under?”

“Evan with a smiley face.”

“Aw. I get a smiley face?”

“Sometimes when I get mad at you I change it to a frowny face.”

Evan started laughing, harder than he had in a long time. It felt good.

“What?” Jared shoved him.

“Nothing.” Evan caught his breath. “That’s just so stupid. And great.”

“I’m a genius with an excellent handle on my emotions.”

Evan’s laughter bubbled up again. “Sure.”

“Shut up.” Jared abandoned his phone, still open to Evan’s contact, and kissed Evan again.

“Okay so how many hearts is acceptable then?” Jared huffed, deleting the string of hearts next to Evan’s name.

“What’s wrong with just one?”

“Nothing.” Jared shrugged. “If you’re lame and basic.”

“Oh my god. Just put three then.”

“Fine.” Jared put three hearts and saved it. “That looks stupid. I’m just gonna put one.”

“Oh my god!” Evan kicked him softly.

They were laying in Evan’s bed, where they’d been for the past two hours, kissing, arguing, laughing, kissing again. It was good. In fact, it was the happiest Evan had felt in about eighteen days. More than that probably. He was so warm and content that when the overwhelming urge to fall asleep came, he didn’t think twice about curling into Jared’s side and closing his eyes.

Chapter Text

It was weird that Evan’s alarm was going off on a Saturday. He reached out for his phone and expected to hit Jared in the process. But the space next to him in the bed was empty.

Evan opened his eyes. His alarm was still going off. He didn’t move.

“No.” He pushed himself up and grabbed his phone. Friday August sixteenth. “No!” He screamed and threw his phone at the wall. He didn’t care that the screen shattered. He didn’t care if it never turned on again. He curled into a ball, sobs wracking his body. “It was supposed to work. I made it work.” He mumbled to himself through his tears.

He cried until there was a wet spot on his pillow and then he cried some more.

“Evan?” Jared’s voice from downstairs just made him cry harder. There were footsteps on the stairs and then Jared was in the doorway. “Dude are you coming cause- whoa.” He stopped, raising his eyebrows. “Uh… is everything okay?”

“It was supposed to stop.” Evan cried.

“What was?”

“We did it. We were happy and-” Evan hiccupped. “I did everything right.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

That just made Evan dissolve into sobs again.

“Evan I-”

“Just go without me.” Evan said.

“Okay. Sure. But uh… you know… are you…?” Jared waved his hand.

Of course he wasn’t. But what could Jared possibly do about it now? Everything they’d talked about. All the laughing. All the kissing. All the happiness. Gone. Not just stopped, but forgotten. And it would just keep happening. So what was the point?

“Just go.”

Jared lingered for another minute before pulling his keys out. “Okay. See you later I guess.”

Evan laid in bed all day. He thought maybe he’d lay there for several days. Maybe he’d never get up again. There was no way to stop this fucking cycle and nothing he did would ever matter because it would all just go away as soon as he fell asleep.

He didn’t expect Jared to come back.

“Look dude, you’re sorta making people worry.”

Evan moved for the first time in hours to look at him. “People like you?”

“Well I meant more like…” He trailed off as Evan dragged himself out of bed. “Teachers and uh…” He raised his eyebrows at Evan who stood in front of him. He stepped forward and hugged Jared tightly. “What’s happening?”

“You don’t have to pretend you don’t like it.” Evan said quietly.

Slowly, Jared wrapped his arms around Evan. “You’re freaking me out.” He said it like he was scolding Evan but his tone was juxtaposed by the way he was rubbing his thumb along Evan’s spine. Evan was starting to think that was just what Jared sounded like when he cared anyway.

“It won’t matter in a few hours anyway.” Evan sighed.

“Huh?”

“Nothing.” He released Jared. “Have I ever told you how comforting you are?”

“Uhhhh…” Jared raised his eyebrows as Evan tugged him toward the bed. “No?”

“Well you are. Very much.”

“Um, thanks?” Jared frowned. “What’s going on? Are you-?” He stopped suddenly, staring at Evan’s neck. “Is that a hickey?”

Evan pulled his hoodie up around his neck, flushing. “No.”

“Dude seriously.” And there was that stupid concerned look again. “Are you okay?”

“I’m okay.” Evan nodded. He was out of tears. He was sure they’d come back later. But right now he was just tired. And lonely. And sad.

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Jared’s. Jared tensed and pulled back with wide eyes.

“Did you just-”

“Yes.” Evan said. He wanted to scream, we’ve done it before! You’ve kissed me a dozen times already! But instead he just sat and waited for Jared to lean forward and kiss him back.

It didn’t take long.

He kept trying to talk and Evan kept trying not to listen. He didn’t want to hear the speech again. He didn’t want to tell Jared he felt the same again.

But Jared was persistent.

“I like you.” He mumbled.

Shut up. Evan thought, kissing him again.

“So much.”

Please shut up.

“I-”

For the love of God Jared, stop talking.

“I’m sorry.”

That one got Evan. He pulled back. “Why?”

“I… I don’t know.” Jared’s face was red. “I just felt like I needed to apologize.”

Evan shook his head. “You don’t.” He leaned his head on Jared’s shoulder. “I like you too, so much.”

“Cool.”

Evan crawled over to the other side of his bed and laid down. “I’m going to bed now.”

“You’ve been in bed all day.” Jared pointed out.

“I’m going to bed.” Evan repeated. “Stay here.”

Jared was quiet for a moment, watching Evan. “Okay.”

Chapter Text

Evan had fully given up on the idea of going to school by this point. He woke up, dug out his sharpie, and added two marks to his leg, to account for not marking yesterday. Twenty days.

He waited for the phone to ring so he could ignore it. He waited for Jared to come inside.

“Hey man, are you coming or what?”

“No.” Evan said.

“No?”

“No.”

“You sick?”

“No.” Evan shook his head. “Just not going.”

“Uh… okay then.”

“Jared?” Evan called as he started to go.

He paused in the hallway. “What?”

“Ditch with me.”

“What?”

“Stay here. Just… stay home with me today.” Evan waited for Jared to laugh at him.

Jared stared for several seconds before he nodded. “Okay.”

“Oh.” Evan rolled onto his side to look at him. “I didn’t think you’d say yes.”

“Well I wasn’t going to.” Jared walked over and laid on his back beside Evan. “But why not?”

They laid there for a while, Evan even enjoyed it a little. He liked the silence. He liked listening to Jared breathe. He liked that their arms were pressed together.

Finally he spoke, not taking his eyes off the ceiling. “Can I tell you something crazy?”

“Sure.”

“I’ve lived this day twenty times.”

Jared turned to squint at him. “Is that some depression ‘every day is the same’ bullshit?”

“No.” Evan said calmly. “I mean literally. I genuinely think I’m losing my mind. Every night I go to bed. And every morning I wake up and it’s today again. I’ve spent this day a million different ways. Mostly with you. Sometimes we fight. Sometimes we don’t speak at all. Sometimes we have a really great time. Sometimes you tell me you’re in love with me. One time you kissed me.” He heard Jared choke slightly. “It’s okay, the next time I kissed you. But it doesn’t matter what happens. I’ve tried everything and it won’t stop.”

“Oh. Um.”

“You can call me crazy if you want. It doesn’t matter. You’ll forget all of this by tomorrow.”

“I don’t think you’re crazy.”

Evan turned his head to look at Jared. “You don’t?”

“Well… maybe.” Jared smiled slightly. “But you’re too calm. If this was… I don’t know. I just know you’d freak out about this. I mean to be fair, who wouldn’t? But what I mean is… the only way you could tell me this so calmly is if you really had lived through this day twenty times. Or you were lying. But you’ve always been shit at lying.”

Evan nodded. He wasn’t sure why it was so surprising that Jared believed him.

“You said it’s when you fall asleep.” Jared went on. “Have you tried staying up until Saturday?”

“Obviously.” Evan scoffed. “You think I’m stupid? It doesn’t work. I’ve tried sleeping all day first, drinking coffee, energy drinks, setting alarms every second, I even had you try to keep me awake one night. I can’t do it. As soon as it gets close to midnight I just get so tired. I could be running laps and I’d still pass out.”

“Okay.” Jared nodded seriously. “Well, have you learned your lesson yet?”

“Huh?”

“You know, every time there’s a movie about this the main character has to learn some lesson in order to move forward. Something you did wrong or some character flaw you need to resolve.”

“I mean I don’t know what I could’ve done that would’ve…” He sat up suddenly. “Connor.”

“What?”

“Connor Murphy, from school. Yesterday, or uh- the real yesterday. Tuesday, I ran into him in the computer lab and we had this whole thing. I was going to apologize to him today- the real- the first today. But I never got a chance. And then… I guess I sort of forgot about it after a while.”

“You think that could be it?” Jared asked, pushing himself into a sitting position.

“It has to be. I’ve tried everything else. I mean, I even asked Zoe out one time, just because I knew it wouldn’t matter.”

Jared shifted.

Evan looked over. “Uh that was before… you told me.”

“Was it nice?”

“What?”

“The speech. When I told you?”

“Uh… no.” Evan admitted. “Not the first time. The first time we were fighting. You actually kinda screamed it at me.”

“And the other times?”

“The second time you were crying so that was kinda shitty. The third time was really nice though. And the fourth time I was already kissing you so you sort of said it in between kisses and uh… then you apologized and got really nervous. That time was nice too.”

Jared nodded. “And did you ever…”

“Not the first time. I was kinda in shock and… trying to figure out what I felt. And the second time I was more concerned with the fact that you were crying. The third time though… I did. And the fourth.”

Jared nodded again.

“The fifth time I actually said it first.”

Jared frowned. “Wait, what was the fifth time?”

“Right now.” Evan leaned forward and kissed him. “I’m in love with you.”

“I… me too.” Jared breathed.

Evan smiled. “I know.”

Jared kissed him again and Evan wanted so badly to forget about everything else. But unfortunately, his brain didn’t work like that.

“What happ- are you crying?” Jared sounded alarmed. “What did I do?”

“No you didn’t- it’s not you.” Evan shook his head. “I just… I don’t want you to forget again.”

“Well, me neither. But it’s just one more time.”

“We don’t know that. I mean, what if it doesn’t work?”

“Then you’ll tell me again.” Jared said simply. “And we’ll come up with another plan.”

“What if you don’t believe me next time?”

“Hey.” Jared nudged him. “How many times have you told me?”

“I don’t know. Six?”

“And how many times have I not believed you?”

“None.”

“Exactly.”

“But… we don’t know what’s gonna happen. Things could change. You could-”

“Okay here.” Jared cut him off. “I’ll tell you something I’ve never told anyone so you can prove it if I don’t believe you.”

Evan sniffed. “Okay.”

“Alright. Let me think.” Jared drummed his fingers on his leg while he frowned. “Okay here, I have this recurring nightmare where all of my fingers get cut off. And then I wake up and I have to check and make sure they’re still there.”

Evan laughed. “Really?”

“Don’t make fun of me!” Jared shoved him. “It’s scary!”

“Okay. Fine.” Evan smiled. “I’m sorry.”

“You should be.” Jared grinned at him.

“What if…” Evan dropped his gaze. “What if you believe me but you don’t- I mean we don’t- or you aren’t…” His vision blurred. “What if we don’t end up like this?”

“Evan,” Jared sighed. He squeezed his eyes shut. “God, okay. I know this is new for you, but I didn’t fall in love with you because of today, or any version of it. I’ve felt this way for longer than twenty Fridays okay? It’s been like… months. Years maybe. I will still feel the same tomorrow. I might be an asshole about it. I’ll definitely be stubborn. But I will still love you.”

Evan let Jared take his hand and squeeze it. He knew Jared was right. But he also knew Jared couldn’t possibly understand how hard it was to have this conversation over and over just for it to be forgotten the next day.

“Will you stay here tonight?” Evan mumbled.

“Doesn’t matter if I go home or not so, sure.”

Chapter Text

Evan was standing in the driveway, fully dressed, when Jared drove up. He marched over and threw open the driver side door.

“Get out.”

“What?”

“Get. Out.”

Jared stared at him for a minute before unbuckling his seatbelt, taking the keys out, and getting out of the car.

“I’ve been reliving this day for weeks.”

“Come again?”

“I’ve lived through this Friday twenty times and every morning it starts over again.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You have a nightmare about your fingers being cut off.”

Jared backed up and ran into his door. “How the hell do you know that?”

“Because you told me.” Evan tapped his foot impatiently. “You said it would prove I was telling the truth.”

“That you’re living the same day over and over?”

“Yes. And I told you about it and we….”

“We?”

“Nothing.” Evan shook his head. “Never mind. I think I know how to stop it.”

“You do?”

“Yes. Maybe. It was your idea. So if it doesn’t work I’ll blame you.”

“Right.” Jared snorted. He was taking this extremely well for the amount of information Evan had dumped on him at seven a.m.

“Let’s go. I have to do something at school.”

“Wait.” Jared called as Evan walked around the car.

“What?”

“What else?”

“Huh?”

“What else?” Jared crossed his arms. “I know there’s something else.”

“There’s nothing else.”

“You’re not telling me something.” Jared held up his keys. “We’re not leaving until you tell me what it is.”

Evan sighed. He considered just walking to school. He knew Jared said he’d still feel the same. But Evan couldn’t help the feeling that he might not.

Jared raised his eyebrows, clearly ready to stand there all day.

“Sometimes you and I… end up together today.”

“Together like-?”

“Together like we’re in love.” Evan said, and then he pulled the door open and got in.

Jared stood there for a second before getting in and starting the car. He didn’t speak again until they were walking into the hallway.

“So, what do we do?”

“Um…” Evan realized he still had no idea where Connor spent this morning. Maybe he wasn’t even at school yet. But he knew he’d see him later. “Right now? Nothing.”

“Nothing?” Jared raised his eyebrows. “You dragged me out of my car to yell about how you’re stuck in time hell and now we’re doing nothing?”

“Well we don’t do nothing.”

“Then?”

“We go to math.”

“What are we waiting for?” Jared asked for the third time.

They were standing in the hallway, the one Connor always passed them in. He’d be there any second and Evan was not going to miss him.

“Just shut up okay?”

“But-”

“Jared.” Evan held up his hand. “Quiet.”

“Fine.” Jared crossed his arms and pouted.

“There.” Evan spotted Connor and made a beeline for him. “Connor!”

Connor stopped. He looked at Evan with a slight eyebrow raise.

“I’m sorry.”

“Uh… what?”

“I’m sorry.” Evan repeated. “About the other- uh about yesterday. In the library. I didn’t mean to- I was dealing with a lot. But I just… it was really nice talking to you.”

“Oh.” Connor glanced around like he was waiting for something else. “Well, thanks. I guess. It was cool talking to you too or whatever.”

“Right.” Evan nodded. “Um, I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah. See you.” Connor watched him leave.

Evan walked back over to Jared who had watched the whole thing with a slightly shocked expression.

“That was your big task?”

“Just take me home please.”

Jared didn’t say anything about ditching school. He just pulled out his keys and followed Evan to the parking lot.

There was nothing left to do now but wait. Evan told Jared he could leave. Jared stayed.

“So um…” Jared broke the silence that had been lingering over them for a good hour. “Were you serious earlier?”

“Yes. I’ve been stuck-”

“No, I know. I mean about the other thing.”

“Oh.” Evan glanced at him. “Yeah.”

“So… you already know how I feel then.”

“Pretty much.”

“Why did I tell you?”

Evan frowned at him.

“I just… like I didn’t plan on telling you like… ever. So why did I spontaneously decide to reveal my very secret feelings?”

“Well, once you were really mad. And once you were really sad. And once you were really, really happy. And once I was kissing you.”

“Okay. That’s a lot of times.”

“And once was yesterday,” Evan went on. “And that time you said it because I told you everything.”

“And that’s when I had the brilliant idea to get you uncursed.”

“Let’s not say brilliant yet.” Evan rolled his eyes. “But yes, that’s when you came up with the idea. And then you forgot everything.”

“Was that time one of the ones where we uh… ended up together or whatever?”

“Yeah.” Evan chewed the inside of his cheek. “But I liked the times you just wanted to tell me more.”

“I want to tell you now.” Jared said quietly.

Evan leaned against him. “You want to tell me because you know.”

“No.” Jared pushed him away so he could turn toward him. “I want to tell you because I feel bad that you’re stuck in time hell.”

Evan smiled. “Okay. Tell me.”

“Nah.” Jared shook his head. “You already know.”

“Asshole.” Evan shoved him. “Tell me again.”

“I…” Jared stopped. “What word did I use?”

“Mmmm.” Evan frowned in thought. “I believe mostly you said you liked me or had feelings for me. But the first time you said you loved me. And the last time.”

“Jesus past Jared.” Jared shook his head. “Alright then. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Jared leaned forward but Evan put a hand on his chest.

“Oh. Um.”

“No it’s just,” Evan started. He sighed and leaned back. “I’ve done this so many times. I want you to remember it this time. Can we just… will you kiss me tomorrow?”

“Oh.” Jared nodded. “Yeah. Okay.”

“Thank you.”

“So… you said you’ve relived this day like twenty times right?”

“Yes.”

“So how come we only got together five times?”

Evan looked at him. “What?”

“Well, you only mentioned five times. I was just wondering. I mean once you knew how I felt, why wasn’t there more of that?”

“Oh. It was exhausting having that conversation over and over.” Evan shrugged. “Sometimes it just wasn’t worth it.” He looked up and frowned at Jared’s expression. “What?”

“It wasn’t worth it?” Jared said quietly. “So one day you might just wake up and decide this isn’t worth it anymore? Or if we get into a fight it’s just gonna be too exhausting for you?”

“No!” Evan grabbed his arm. “No. That’s not what I meant.”

“Really? Cause that’s what it sounded like.”

“No. I just meant… you don’t understand.” Evan’s voice grew shaky. “It was so fucking hard having that conversation with you every day. Having you tell me all these feelings. And then not remember any of it. It wasn’t that it wasn’t worth it because it was I didn’t care enough. It just wasn’t worth it to go through you forgetting again and again. The way you’d look at me when I told you how I felt. And then the way you’d look at me the next day it was just-”

“Okay.” Jared said, wrapping his arms around Evan. “Okay. I’m sorry. You’re right that sounds like hell. I’m sorry.”

Evan buried his face in Jared’s shoulder. “If we wake up tomorrow and it’s Saturday, anything will be worth it to make this work.”

“That’s a big commitment.” Jared mumbled. “You better hope you can stick to it.”

“I can.”

Chapter Text

Evan woke up and blinked sleepily. He stretched. Then he sat up. His bed was empty. He felt his breathing become shaky and his eyes start burning with tears.

Just as he was about to fully break down, his bedroom door swung open and Jared sauntered in.

“Surprise.”

“Not funny!” Evan yelled, ripping the blankets off and throwing himself at Jared. “Not funny even a little tiny bit.” He was happier than he ever remembered being but he started crying anyway.

Jared squeezed him. “Sorry. Guess I forgot how traumatic this was for you.”

“Is it actually over?” Evan asked quietly, not letting go of Jared.

Jared pried him off. “It’s over.” He held up his phone. Saturday August seventeenth. “Happy Saturday.”

Evan grabbed the front of his shirt and kissed him hard. Jared dropped his phone and pulled Evan closer.

“Holy shit.” He gasped when Evan pulled back.

“I know. I can’t believe it worked.”

“What? Oh yeah. I was also talking about the time hell thing.” Jared nodded.

Evan squinted at him. “What was your holy shit then?”

“Nothing.”

Evan narrowed his eyes.

“Nothing!” Jared insisted. “That’s just… I mean that was the first time you’ve kissed me. For me anyway.”

“Oh. Right.” Evan suddenly flushed. “Sorry.”

“No, no, no, no.” Jared grabbed his shoulders. “Do not apologize for that. It was a good holy shit.”

“Right.” Evan blushed. He picked Jared’s phone up off the floor and checked the date again.

“Still Saturday?”

Evan nodded. “I can’t believe that worked. I mean, why was it so important to the universe that I apologized to Connor.”

“I dunno.” Jared dropped onto the bed and looked up at Evan. “Maybe Connor’s life is really shitty right now. Maybe you were something good.”

“But… I mean, one nice conversation isn’t going to fix whatever the shitty parts of his life are.” Evan said, sitting beside him.

“Of course not.” Jared shrugged. “But maybe you made one day a little less terrible. And maybe having someone to say hi to in the hallways will make this year a little less terrible.”

“I guess.” Evan stared at his feet. “You know… a while ago I sort of thought… I don’t know. I thought it was because of us.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like I thought that it was resetting until we worked things out. But then we did and… that wasn’t it. It was stupid but…”

“Yeah. I don’t think the universe cares that much if two assholes get together.” Jared elbowed him, smirking. “But it might care about like… kindness and shit.”

Evan laughed. “I think you might be right.” He took Jared’s hand. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Sure.”

“I think you should go to therapy.”

“Damn. That’s hard to not take personally.”

Evan shoved him. “You told me you were thinking about it.”

“Jesus I just told you everything huh?”

“Kinda.”

“How’d you get it out of me?” Jared frowned.

“It was pretty easy. I just said I thought no one would ever love me and you just said it.”

“Wow. I just spilled my guts to you the instant you shared one insecurity.”

“Yes.” Evan nudged him. “But I’m serious. I think it would be good. I mean, just to try it at least.”

“Yeah.” Jared sighed. “Yeah. I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I’ll look into it.”

“Good.”

“So… therapy, my nightmare, having feelings for you. Anything else I poured out that I don’t remember?”

“Loving.” Evan corrected.

“Huh?”

“You don’t just have feelings for me. You love me.”

Jared squinted at him. “Does that distinction really matter?”

“Yes.” Evan said seriously.

“Fine. I love you. Whatever. Anything else?”

“I love you too. And no. Nothing else that you confessed. I did get punched once.”

“Wait what?” Jared laughed.

“Yeah remember when I- oh… no. I guess you don’t.”

“God I wish I did.” Jared’s eyes widened suddenly. “Wait it wasn’t me was it?”

“No.” Evan waved him off. “It was Connor actually.”

Jared raised his eyebrows. “And you still apologized to him?”

“Yeah well… I was asking to get punched. I don’t blame him for that.”

“Right.” Jared snorted.

“I’m serious.”

“Oh no, I believe you Evan.” Jared smirked.

“Fuck you.”

“Harsh!” Jared yelled before letting Evan kiss him again. “That won’t work to shut me up forever.”

“We’ll see about that.” Evan laughed. He looked down at his phone, checking the date for the millionth time. “What happens when you’re not here anymore?”

“Like… when I’m dead?”

“No.” Evan shoved him. “Like when you go home and I wake up alone and think I’m still… it’s still…”

“We’ll move your bed.”

“What?”

Jared shrugged. “We’ll move your bed.” He pointed. “We’ll push it up against that wall. And then you’ll wake up with a different view and you’ll know that it’s not Friday August sixteenth.”

Evan stared at him for seven seconds before grabbing his face and kissing him.

Jared laughed as he fell backward. “I’m guessing you like that idea?”

“You’re a god damn genius Kleinman.”

They stayed in bed all day. Evan told Jared as much as he could remember from his Fridays. He showed him his marker covered thigh which Jared called brilliant while laughing at the same time. He showed him the place where Connor had punched him and the place where he’d slammed a drawer on his hand and Jared kissed them both. He talked about feeling helpless. Feeling lonely. Feeling like nothing he did mattered.

“I think I get what people mean when they say they’re excited by risk now.”

“Yeah?” Jared was sitting up, Evan’s head in his lap, running his hands through Evan’s hair.

“Yeah. I mean, I’m not gonna start jumping out of planes or anything. But… everything felt so useless in there because I knew it wouldn’t matter. There were points where I even wanted the bad days to be real because at least my actions would mean something. So, obviously I’m still… scared of a lot. But god, the fact that I can do things and know that tomorrow, those things will still be done. That’s a good feeling.”

Jared laughed softly. “I’m glad you experienced an awakening while you were ditching school and getting beat up.”

Evan sat up and twisted around to face Jared. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

Jared smiled and titled his head. “Where else would I be?”

“No like… here. Like that you exist.”

“Alright you dweeb.”

“I never felt more alone than the day after you and I had a good day together. It was like… like you weren’t really there. It made me appreciate all the stupid fun shit we used to do. And the fact that you remembered them too. I mean, even when I was with you… just knowing that you forgot everything you said to me the day before…”

“Quit it.” Jared leaned his forehead against Evan’s. “Stop obsessing over it. I’m here now. And I will remember everything that happens from here on out. Well, most of it. I’ll still forget some stuff because I’m a human you know.”

Evan closed his eyes and hummed. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”