Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Legend tells of a corner of the harbor that has been forgotten by the mountain rocks and the sound of the crashing waves.

To reach that place one must stand in the sea breeze and close their eyes, walk forty-nine steps away from the clamor of the crowds, then wait till the sound of one's own heartbeat drowns out the voices in the background.

Upon opening one's eyes, one will find they have arrived at a little shop...

Childe wasn’t the one to believe in fruitless fairy tales. Such things were stories he learned to not give a second thought much too early on in his life after a fall into a deep and dark abyss. Fairy tales were something that belonged in one’s childhood; They were frail beliefs that were much too easily shattered.

But Childe also wasn’t the one to believe that the man he had spent almost every day with during his stay in Liyue was Rex Lapis. If Childe could be wrong about the identity of Rex Lapis, maybe he could also be wrong about fairy tales. At least that’s what he told himself as he found himself closing his eyes and counting the steps he took away from the sounds of hustle and bustle of the late afternoon crowd in Liyue Harbor.

What he was doing wasn’t rational, he knew that. But in the past few weeks, he found that many things were not rational in the world. If a god could fake his death and still walk among his people, if a traveler from worlds unknown could spare a moment to save a city that was probably a spec of dust to them compared to other worlds they had seen, then Childe could allow himself to do an action that was not reasonable.

Childe forced himself to quiet his thoughts before beginning to count his steps. Forty-nine steps, he had heard the storyteller say during lunchtime of the day before.

“One must take exactly forty-nine steps away from the crowds that occupy the harbor before stopping to repose in the sea breeze. Next they must listen to their own heartbeat until the sounds of the harbor fade into silence. Once all that remains is the sound of one’s heart, they may open their eyes to be greeted by the sight of a small shop. Much about this place is unknown but one thing is known for sure… almost anything one could wish for can be bought at this store.” Those had been the exact words that Childe had heard the day before as he had been walking to the Northland bank to oversee business for the day. Maybe if he had more time in the day or the patience, he would have stayed to listen to the rest. Even if he had only heard a short part of the story, he knew all he had to know.

It was stupid, Childe knew that. It was one thing to listen to tales and be entertained. That was fun . But it was another thing to take those tales as reality and attempt to recreate them. That was stupid . Yet Childe found that a part of him believed in the storyteller’s words. That if the stories that Zhongli told him when they used to relish in each other’s company were actually true, then almost anything else could be true.

Or maybe he really was just foolishly believing in the tales of a random man on the corner of the street. Zhongli had really rubbed off on Childe it had seemed. The harbinger couldn't figure out if that realization brought joy or sorrow to himself. Maybe it was both. Well, there was no use dwelling on it. Zhongli was… unimportant now. Just a bad memory in the back of Childe’s head that he wanted to smother out.

And that was exactly why the young man had found himself taking forty-nine steps away from the main part of the city and towards the water. Once he was done walking, he forced himself to focus on the rhythm of his heart, blocking out the noise of the crowd just as he wanted to block out the memory of Zhongli. Realistically, Childe would eventually open his eyes to still see the harbor, laugh at himself for being such an idiot, and then sheepishly walk home. In a perfect world though, Childe would eventually open his eyes to a quaint shop and walk in hoping for answers to his problem. Hoping for answers to forget about Zhongli. Hoping for ways to forget about the way the man made him feel passion that only battle could make him feel before, the way Childe could never sit still before but found himself wanting to sit down for a little longer during lunch to hear the rest of another story of Zhongli’s, or the way Zhongli simply brighten his day up. Hoping for ways to forget about the way his heart sunk when he realized Zhongli was the one he was sent after this whole time, the way he understood everything about their friendship was just a game to the god, or the way Zhongli paid Childe no mind when he revealed his gnosis in the Northland Bank a few weeks ago.

It was a small chance that the story of the shop was true, but what else was there to do? His heart yearned for the ex-archon even though it was broken by the same person. But there was no time for fickle desires of the heart in Childe’s line of work. He had to clear his head. He needed focus so he could get back to Snezhnaya and the Tsaritsa, not mope around Liyue in a constant turmoil of yearning and anger.

It was a small chance, Childe acknowledged to himself once again as the sounds of Liyue’s people drowned out to the sound of his heart. But he was willing to take it.

If Childe was a patient man, maybe he would have given his plan of following a fairytale a little more thought. 

When Childe opened his eyes, the water of Liyue’s harbor did not greet him. Instead, a small building with frosted windows greeted him. It seemed like more and more unbelievable things just kept on happening to Childe the longer he stayed in Liyue. Who would’ve guessed that the store was real? Childe let out an amused whistle as he turned around to survey his surroundings. Behind him laid a seemingly endless path that led far into the moonlight. Now that was interesting. Before Childe had closed his eyes, it had been well into the afternoon, the sun shining high in the sky. But there at the entrance to the small store, the moon shone highly in the sky, a pale light against a starless void. Was that even the sky? Childe decided to tear his gaze away from the uncanny sight and focused his sights back on the shop. No use in keening in on unusual things too much. With the amount of crazy stuff that had happened recently, Childe would lose his sanity if he focused on it too much. Though he could only wonder what crazy thing would happen next. Would he learn that the sky was fake or something?

Childe had to let out a snicker at that thought as he approached the wooden door of the shop. Yeah right. For as much craziness that had happened in Liyue lately, the stars and sky being fake was still a little too ridiculous of an idea for him to ponder.

Once he got to the door, Childe turned the knob and pushed it open, the interior of an antique shop that looked both ancient and brand new greeting him. If Childe had any doubt left about the story before, it was quickly whisked away by the sight. The man found himself focused on the shelves of various potions, gems, trinkets, and a wide variety of other objects that he could not even begin to name.

Zhongli would probably be able to tell you the names of everything in here , a small voice in the back of his head told him to his dismay. Childe hated how accurate that thought was.

“Welcome to the store. Do you see anything that takes your fancy?” Childe almost jumped out of his skin when a soft voice suddenly spoke closely to his left ear. With how preoccupied he was with the items and his lovesick heart, he hadn’t noticed the woman that had made her way over to Childe. Where had she even come from? As far as he could tell, the store had been empty.

“Um…” Childe let himself trail off as he looked over to the owner of the voice, taking much notice to her almost inhuman eyes. Rather than regular circular pupils, narrow ovals sat in her eyes reminding Childe much more of a fox than a regular human being. The woman could have looked as if she could have been Childe’s age if it were not for the sparkle that held promise of ancient knowledge that Childe had only seen before in Zhongli and the Tsaritsa’s eyes. As fast as the endless abyss of knowledge appeared in the woman’s eyes, it blinked away in an instant and was replaced by simple amusement. She let out a small chuckle and took a few steps out of Childe’s personal space.

“Everyone comes to my shop for a reason. You must have a problem that you need a solution for, right? So what is it that you need?” The shopkeeper explained, her gaze steady on the younger man. Childe took a second to ponder over the question. He did come to the shop with a clear goal in mind but he had never gotten to the point of thinking of an object that could truly help him. He hadn’t even expected to be at the shop in the first place!

“I’ve been having troubles with... love,” Childe decided on saying, hoping the shopkeeper would know what Childe would need. “I need something that will help me forget. Though, I don’t know what exact item could help with that. I was hoping you could help me with that part. Of course, I’ll compensate you generously for your time.” Childe pulled out the pouch of mora that laid in his pocket. The shopkeeper looked at him blankly for a moment before an almost patronizing smile appeared on her face.

“I wouldn’t expect you to know what exactly you would need. If you already knew how to solve all of your issues, you wouldn’t find yourself here in the first place, right? There’s no need to wave around such a large amount of mora.” The shopkeeper waved her hand in dismal as she walked into a far corner of the store. Childe pocketed the pouch of mora, not knowing if the feeling bubbling in his chest was amusement or anger at being gently chided by the woman. Though Childe wasn’t able to give the feeling a second thought before she was speaking once again.

“You're in luck though. I have exactly what you need,” she began as she dug through a pile of knick knacks before pulling out what seemed to be a bottle of wine. Though if Childe had looked at the action right, then she had just pulled that bottle out from her sleeve rather than the pile. “Something to help you forget.” She made her way back over to Childe before passing the wine bottle to him. Childe decided to pocket the memory of where the shopkeeper pulled the wine bottle out from for later and looked at the glass vessel instead. At closer sight of the bottle, the man could see that not much liquid was left in it. Maybe enough for four or five more glasses. Six if he was stingy with his drinking. Childe looked back up at the woman and raised his eyebrows in almost a question. In response she let out a little snicker.

“The last owner of this bottle had… let’s just say lots of troubles. It does not matter, though. Just one glass of this should be more than enough to make you forget about the one who makes your heart yearn. As long as you are not directly confronted by them or anything directly related to them, they will never appear in your mind again.” A pause. “Though... just take this one on the house. I’m sure whatever you’re going through is more than enough payment,” she answered with. Childe spared another look at the bottle before nodding.

“I won’t complain about not spending money,” he said with a cheeky smile before preparing to leave the shop now that his business was done there. He did not want to stay there for longer than he had to. Between the weird aura the woman gave off and the way she and her items came out of nowhere, Childe was feeling more than enough uneasiness.  “Well now that that is solved, I assume I can take my leave now. Thank you for your help!”

And with that the ginger gave a small wave, turned on the heel of his foot, and hastily made his way for the door he had entered through just leaving no time for the shopkeeper to respond. He opened the door and walked out, fully expecting to see the starless sky he had seen before. But instead, the bright sun and open sea of Liyue harbor greeted Childe instead. If it were not for the wine bottle in his grasp, he would have believed the whole encounter with the antique shop and shopkeeper were just a dream.

“This is ridiculous,” he whispered to himself while gently shaking his head. “Utterly ridiculous.” Yet he still turned around and made his way back to his temporary home in Liyue, intentions set on drowning away his memory of Zhongli with a glass of the magical wine.

No matter how tragic one’s memories could be, it is always difficult to let go of the past. Though one’s memories could be awful, it is those same memories that build a person into who they are in the present. That was the predicament Childe found himself in later that night, sitting alone at his dining table with just the bottle and a glass of the shopkeeper’s wine sitting on the surface.

It was easier to believe that Childe could simply drink a glass of wine and forget all of his troubles when the solution wasn’t literally sitting in front of him. But now, with the reality of the situation setting in to Childe, he made a few realizations.

Firstly and most importantly, what else would he forget? Zhongli had been one of the few constants in his time in Liyue. Almost everything that Childe had experienced in the city had somehow contracted back to the former archon. If Childe forgot about Zhongli, how much of Liyue would he forget? Would he forget the main reason he was there? What about the traveler who had just become one of his only friends? Or Tuecer? Would he forget their adventure together through the Dottore’s abandoned factory that had taken Childe out of battle for an entire week?

Childe didn’t want to forget about any of those memories. He had a responsibility to the Tsaritsa that he had to maintain and would not be able to achieve if he forgot about the original reason for his time in Liyue. As much of a rough patch he and the traveler went through at the Golden House, he considered them a great opponent in battle and enjoyed their time. And his little brother; Never once would he want to forget any time that they were able to spend together with how far away Childe’s job would send him sometimes.

And then there was the second realization. Did Childe truly want to forget Zhongli? As much as Childe could parade around and express how much he wanted to forget about the older man, a small part of him just couldn’t let go of the memory of him. As much as he had hurt Childe that day in the bank, a tiny bit of Childe wanted to forgive him.

If you and the traveler could make amends, couldn’t you and Zhongli? A voice in the back of his head supplied.

The traveler was simply an opponent in battle, while Zhongli is a liar. Another voice responded.

Aren’t you also a liar though? It wasn’t as if you told Zhongli your real reasons for being in Liyue. When did you ever mention to him that your main goal was to get Rex Lapis’ gnosis? You didn’t.

Childe promptly stood up and pushed in his chair before hastily making his way up to his bedroom. He needed sleep, he couldn’t think about this right now.

If anyone noticed the sour mood and eye bags Childe had as he walked into the Northland Bank the next morning, they didn’t mention it. Vlad gave the same half asleep nod to Childe as he walked through the door as he did every working day. Ekaterina gave him the same greeting of “Good morning, Master Childe” as she usually did. It was only Andrei that did anything out of the ordinary.

“Master Childe, there was a gentleman who wanted to meet with you,” the manager began, before Chile could make his way to his office for the day. “I don’t know exactly what he’s here for but he said you would know how to handle it so I sent him to your office to wait.” Childe gave a nod of dismissal before continuing his way to his office, not bothering to hide the annoyance he now felt. He had been planning to sleep the day away in his office after the little sleep he got the night before. As much as he tried to ignore the issue of what he was going to do with the wine, the thoughts still kept him up until the sun peaked back up into the sky. 

Who would even be at his office at this hour? Better yet who would want to see him specifically , especially after the whole Osial fiasco.

His mind proposed one person in particular, but Childe ignored that thought. There was no way that he would be visiting Childe right now. Not with all the time that he had been avoiding Childe.

It wasn’t like Childe was also trying to avoid him.

Childe opened his office door to the sight of Zhongli gazing out the window on the other side of the room. Well it seemed like Childe was wrong once again .

Childe had half the mind to slam the door back shut when Zhongli turned around and cor lapis eyes shifted to gaze at him.

“Mr. Zhongli.” Childe simply said instead, somewhere in between a tone of formality and burning anger. Childe took a few steps into the room before closing the door shut.

“Ah, Childe. You’re here,” Zhongli said as if he wasn’t standing in Childe’s office. If Childe wasn’t so upset at the man, maybe he would have given one of his soft laughs that he usually gave whenever Zhongli ignored the dead obvious. Sadly that wasn’t the case. Instead, Childe fought to keep his expression polite and not let the conflicting feelings of anger and sorrow he was feeling inside show.

“Was there something you needed?” He asked. The question was legitimate. What did Zhongli need from him? The most obvious answer would be that Zhongli had come to apologize but Childe gave that a second thought. It had been weeks since the reveal; If Zhongli had come to apologize, why would he do it now? Zhongli had probably just came to him because he ran out of mora or something similar.

It didn’t matter either way. If Zhongli was there to apologize, Childe didn’t want to hear it. Zhongli had had so much time to just say “I’m sorry” to him that an apology at this point just wasn’t worth it. Zhongli had missed his chance. Childe wasn’t going to accept his apology. There was no way he would.

“I’ve come to apologize.” The older man started.

Childe was so close to just slamming his head on his office desk at that point.

“Oh?” Childe didn’t try to hide the aggravation that was quickly showing on his face anymore. “After let’s see… four weeks was it, you’ve come to apologize? Or has it been five by now?” The only sign that Zhongli was becoming uncomfortable was the slight tense of his shoulders as Childe’s eyes squinted into a glare.

“Yes, I have,” Zhongli began, his voice almost unwavering. Almost .  “It seems that you may be… upset with me?” Childe let out a scoff in reply. It seems that he may be upset with Zhongli? Maybe if Zhongli had chosen to talk to childe way sooner he could have seen that Childe was most definitely upset.

“Is that a question or a statement?” Childe asked, crossing his arms. Zhongli opened his mouth to respond but Childe cut him off. He knew that he should probably hear Zhongli out but he just couldn’t right then. Between the wine still sitting on his table at home, the little sleep he got, and now the encounter with Zhongli, he just couldn’t bring himself to even try to make amends with the man right at that moment. It was just too much all at once right then, even for someone such as Childe. Archons above, why did Zhongli have to come to apologize to him right after he got a memory clearing bottle of wine? It was almost as if the gods hated him, though he could see why they would.

“Zhongli, you lie to my face for a year while I’m here in Liyue and then just show up at my workplace randomly one day a month later to apologize when you’re not even sure if I'm hurt by the fact that you didn't say the truth? You had to have known why I was here when the news about Mondstadt’s archon started to go around. Yet you still chose to keep me in the dark and make a fool out of me when you were going to give away your gnosis anyways. Of course I’m mad!” Childe let himself speak his mind just this once. Whatever was happening there made it obvious that the two of them most likely wouldn’t be speaking again on good terms. It was now or never for Childe to express his anger, no matter how rational or irrational it would seem to Zhongli.

Yet, it didn't feel as satisfying as Childe imagined it would. It just left him feeling… empty. Childe let himself take a deep breath before continuing much more calmly.

“Please just leave.” Zhongli opened his mouth to respond but seemed to decide against it and shake his head when he saw whatever look laid in Childe’s eyes.

“I see. Well I wish a good day to you, Childe,” he said, his eyes looking down to the wooden floor and his lips turned slightly downwards before heading out of the office. The soft click of the door shutting again sounded as Zhongli left.

For any other person, that expression would simply look like mild disappointment. But Childe knew Zhongli’s expressions. He knew seeing such an expression on the usual expressionless man’s face meant he had to be downright miserable or at least something close to it. And there were only two options for people that could be blamed for that dismal expression on Zhongli’s face. He had a strong feeling that the one to blame was the one who was still standing in his office.

Childe counted to thirty after the door shut before letting himself finally break and slide down to the floor, burying his head into his hands.

What the fuck was he doing?

Thankfully, none of his workers made a comment about Childe hastily leaving the bank only minutes after a gloomy funeral parlor worker exited the building.

Childe had drank a numerous amount of alcoholic drinks before in Liyue, courtesy of Zhongli. Though the two of them normally had chosen to eat at restaurants when they met up, enjoying a drink at a bar wasn’t out of the ordinary for them every once in a while. Yet, Childe liked to keep those affairs not too consistent. With too much alcohol, who knew what embarrassing things he could say to Zhongli? What if he tried to make a move on the older man or confessed? Childe would’ve never been able to live down a rejection from Zhongli. It wasn’t as if he expected the man to feel the same way back. It was just that’d it be so embarrassing to get rejected after such a drunken confession!

It was funny though, Childe thought to himself as he sat back down at the table in his home that he had sat at last night. Only just a little over a month ago, one of Childe’s biggest worries was not embarrassing himself in front of Zhongli. Yet now, there he sat, his problems escalated to clearing his memory of an entire person and whatever was related to said person. Oh how life played out sometimes.

Childe had drunk a numerous amount of alcoholic drinks before in Liyue but this one was new. Instead of looking warm and inviting, it looked cold and eerie just like the blank sky that laid over the mysterious antique shop. It really was a red flag. The whole situation was a red flag.

Any sensible person wouldn't teleport themselves to sketchy antique shops with not quite human shopkeepers and agree to drink unknown concoctions that clear your memory. But it seemed Childe stopped being sensible long before this moment in time. Whether he had lost all sense when he had fallen in love with a god or if it was much before that when he lurked in the dark depths of the abyss, it was apparent that it wasn’t there.

Childe gave one last look to the murky liquid before he threw all reason out of the window and suddenly grabbed the wine glass, lifting it up to his lips. If Childe was a patient man, maybe he would have given his actions another thought.

Childe was not a patient man.

He emptied the liquid down his throat, the bitter taste comparing nothing to the feeling of violent regret that swiftly ran through him.

Childe barely had any time to set his glass down before dark spots danced around his vision. The second to last thought he had before being taken by the darkness was that he wished he at least tried to hear Zhongli’s apology out instead of wiping his head clear of the memories of the man.

The last thought he had was void of any men with long dark hair and glowing amber for eyes, for the memory of Zhongli no longer existed to Childe.

Chapter Text

Childe must have gotten wasted earlier.

There was no other explanation for him waking up at his dinner table of all places with alcohol sitting right in front of him and no memory of how he ended up in that position. Though a key detail was missing: Childe’s head didn't hurt at all.

For some odd reason, he easily ignored that detail.

The harbinger took a minute to observe his surroundings to see if they could clue him in on what had led him to this point at all. Though the only thing he noticed that was out of the ordinary was the moonlight shining through the window into his rented house.

Shiiiiiit , did he really drink himself to sleep in the middle of the day?

Childe tried to rack his memory for what could’ve made him so miserable to drink to the point he passed out and woke up well into the night but it all came up blank. It should've been more concerning than it was for him in that moment that a substantial part of his memory was missing. But instead of making himself scared, the man just chalked it up to getting wasted. Plus was it really so bad if he didn't remember what made him drink away his worries? If he had no memory of the issue, didn’t the alcohol do its job?

Childe made his move to get up before picking up the wine bottle and glass. It wasn’t a wine bottle he recognized, he observed as he went to put the bottle into one of his kitchen’s cabinets. From that, he could deduce that he had probably bought the wine earlier that day.

He didn’t know if he should've been impressed or worried though at that observation. If the wine was really from the same day, that had to have meant he almost drank the entire bottle in one sitting, judging by how little of the alcohol was left.

He must’ve had a rough day.

Once Childe was finished cleaning up, a yawn made its way out of his mouth. For how knocked out he was from the wine, it was shocking that he could still possibly be tired. He paid it no mind though, and simply shrugged his shoulders before going to his room.

That night, Childe got the best sleep he ever had in awhile.

“Master Childe!” Ekaterina called out to the harbinger as he entered the lobby of the Northland Bank the next morning, waving him over.

“What is it?” Childe questioned, walking over to the desk where she was seated at. The masked woman pushed over a document towards Childe, a grim line lying on her lips.

“Someone else has been refusing to repay their monthly loans again,” she sighed as if she was more exasperated than anything else.

Again ? Did people not repay their debts often? Was this a common problem now? When was Childe going to hear about this? How long had this been going on for?

“People haven’t been paying their debts recently? For how long? Did anyone think to tell me of this earlier?” Anger seeped out of Childe’s voice. Why would his subordinates hide something like this? Did they understand the consequences a harbinger could and possibly would unleash on them?

Ekaterina stayed quiet for a long moment, her expression hidden behind her mask. After what felt like an eternity, she spoke again with an almost careful tone to her voice.

“The debts that have been left unpaid recently. Ever since the Osial incident, lots of our customers have been closing accounts and not paying loan fees because they don’t want to give any money to the Fatui. You’ve been handling the debt collection.” Childe’s face scrunched up in confusion. The Osial Incident? What, who, or where was Osial? Was Ekaterina trying to mess with him?

“The Osial incident?”

“Yes… the Osial incident. When you summoned Osial,” Ekaterina still tried to explain in a slow and careful voice.

Childe stared at the woman blankly.

“Master Childe, the Osial incident. Osial, the Overlord of the Vortex.” Ekaterina continued, her voice becoming slightly frantic as she still noticed the visible confusion on her superior. “Osial, the god you summoned and almost destroyed Liyue with.”

Huh? What reason would he have had to do something like that ? Ekaterina had to be messing with him. She had to be. Childe would’ve remembered something so crucial, right? Right? But judging by the tone of her voice and frown of her lips, anyone could easily deduce that the teller was completely serious.

“Are you feeling ok, sir?  I didn’t want to ask yesterday because I know you’ve been going through some… personal matters. But between not remembering summoning Osial and your recent complications with Mr. Zhong-”

“Ah, yes I’m feeling quite fine, Ekaterina. I just remembered what we’re talking about. It seems like my mind has just been clouded lately because of all the busy work we’ve been doing. I’ll get right on to this,” Childe suddenly cut off the worried sounding woman, lying straight through his now cheery facade. If it were not for the mask covering the majority of her face, Childe was sure that he would’ve seen a very skeptical and distressed expression on Ekaterina’s face. Before she could respond, Childe grabbed the document, folded it, and pocketed it. With that he went and made his leave from the bank.

Thankfully none of his subordinates made a comment about Childe leaving the building in a poorly concealed panic.

It was when Childe found himself in the thicket of the busy crowd of the harbor, he realized just how much looked unfamiliar to him. From the various stalls filled with merchandise to the restaurants that held savory meals, it all looked foreign to him.

The blood in the man’s veins felt cold as his heart started to race, the reality crashing down on him. Something had to have happened to his memory.

Could it have been a head injury? No, that wasn’t likely. Childe’s head had felt fine as far as he could remember and he probably would’ve noticed if his head was bruised or cut earlier.

The wine? It wasn’t exactly impossible but still pretty unlikely. Drinking almost an entire bottle of wine certainty wasn’t the best for one’s health but it shouldn’t have made Childe lose half of his memory about where he had been living for the past year.

Poison maybe? It was the most probable. Especially with the newfound knowledge that he apparently almost destroyed Liyue, it wasn’t too unlikely that someone would want revenge on the harbinger. But why would someone not give him lethal poison in that case scenario?

None of the possibilities truly made sense, it was almost as if Childe woke up one morning and a chunk of his memory just magically disappeared. But he knew that there had to be some reason for his memory to be so screwed up. People just didn't wake up one day forgetting that they almost destroyed a city. And Childe would find out what happened to him.

His first step would be to find any news source to find out what had happened recently. Surely people would still be talking about their own city almost being turned to ruins even after some time, right? Childe turned his gaze from a particular restaurant he was looking at to gaze at the various stalls. There had to be a news stand or something close by… hopefully. 

To Childe’s luck, there were people surrounding a stall handing out newspapers not too far away from the cluster of restaurants and shops. The harbinger made his way up to the stall pouch of mora already in hand. Distracted by the sight of the stand itself, he didn’t notice the leers that were being sent in his direction.

“I’ll take one newspaper,” Childe spoke as he got up to the owner of the stall.

“Ok, here you go young man, that’ll be-” The owner stopped short, mid motion of handing the newspaper over, when he caught sight of the harbinger.

“Oh, we don’t do business with your group,” the man said, a threatening glint starting to shine in his eyes.

“Huh?” Childe simply asked, not quite sure as to what was happening here. Surely the man wasn’t trying to say he wouldn’t sell Childe a measly newspaper because he was part of the Fatui…

“Don’t act smart with me, Fatui trash,” the owner sneered, causing heads to turn in their direction. Oh . Seems this man was speaking fighting words.

“Excuse me?” Childe pocketed his pouch, readying his hands for a weapon. If this man was just going to stand there and insult him, then Childe wasn’t going to hold back.

“You heard him, leave! No one wants you here!” Another customer hollered at him, stopping the harbinger in surprise from activating his vision right there. Childe looked from the stall owner, to the customer, and finally to a group of people that had gathered around them. He could’ve easily taken on two people but that crowd… as much as he enjoyed making a stir, he didn’t want to give the Millelith a reason to come charging after him.

“Ok, ok, I’m leaving,” Childe raised his hands up in surrender before turning to leave. Distracted by the hoots and hollers of the newly formed crowd, he didn’t notice the pair of eyes staring at him until he was a good distance away from the stall.

“Here,” a young navy haired girl dressed in black, yellow, and orange, appeared by Childe’s side before handing him a newspaper.

“Um… thanks?” He accepted the newspaper, sending a confused yet cautious side glance to the girl now matching the pace of his stride.

“Of course! It’s the least I could do with how everyone’s been treating you lately,” the girl responded with genuinity. Childe nodded back, not too sure how he should go about the conversation. It seemed like she was at least a little familiar with the harbinger but Childe just couldn’t remember her. And with what just transpired at the newspaper stand, he didn’t want to test his luck with Liyue’s citizens. To his luck, the girl continued on.

“I just wish everyone could move past it. We’re all fine now, and Liyue is still standing. But yet they’re still holding a grudge on you. It’s already been a month! A month is a loooong time to be rude to someone.” Childe just simply nodded along, opting to not mention how it wasn’t too crazy to deny business to someone who almost destroyed their home. Though he did wish the owner could have just let him buy the paper. He would’ve been willing to pay double the price if it was so much trouble having the harbinger as a customer. He had some money to spare!

“I’m just glad they’ve finally stopped saying you killed Rex Lapis. I know you didn’t kill him. You may act all tough on the outside but I know you secretly a softie.” Childe chose to ignore the last bit of her sentence and not tell her that “No, I’m not secretly a softie. I kill people for a living and enjoy it.”

“Rex Lapis?” Childe asked instead, wanting to know who the public thought he killed. The name sounded vaguely familiar yet he couldn’t pin down the thought no matter how hard he tried to think.

“Y’know, Rex Lapis. The geo archon. People were blaming you for his death,” the girl explained, a slight expression of concern splayed out on her face.

Childe almost fell flat on his face. What the hell?

“Oh, yeah. Hehe, well you know me, always getting into trouble,” Childe gave off a nervous laugh, trying to keep his sanity intact as he went to open the newspaper. He didn’t care if it was dangerous to read and walk, he had to figure what had happened in the blanks of his memory. For all he knew, he could’ve both summoned a god and killed an archon and didn’t even remember. The girl gave him one last look of concern before changing the subject.

“Well… that doesn’t matter right now. You’re always welcome at the Wanmin Restaurant! Which reminds me… are you busy later?” Childe looked away from the newspaper to look back at the girl. Was he busy later? Not exactly but, did he really want to follow this girl around to wherever. Though, it may be better for him to stick by someone who has good intentions for him rather than strolling around town alone with most people sending him death glares.

“Nope,” he answered, causing the girl’s face to lighten up.

“Really? You’re not going to try to back out of it this time?” Childe immediately regretted his answer. What had he been trying to avoid from this girl? But before he could even begin to respond, the girl continued.

“I’m so glad! Usually you’ll always shut me down before I even finish but I’m glad you’re finally easing up to the idea of seeing Mr. Zhongli. I don’t know what fight you two got into but I could tell it’s been eating away at both of you. He’s always eating lunch at the restaurant during your guys’ usual lunchtime all alone, and I could just tell he misses you! I’m sure having lunch together and talking things through will smoother everything over!” With how excited the girl looked, Childe didn’t have the heart to tell her he had no clue who this “Mr. Zhongli” was or what type of argument they were in. Or to tell her that while he didn’t know who this man was, his name sent a cold shiver down his bones that he could not yet tell was good or bad. It seemed this memory loss thing was a very major issue for him at the moment.

“Yeah, I think it’s time to just let it be water under the bridge now. Nothing that has happened is worth losing a friendship over.” The girl nodded and agreed enthusiastically, not even slightly aware that Childe was making up nonsense on the spot.

“That’s what I was also thinking! I was just wondering ‘When are those two going to suck up their pride and just talk ? You two always seemed so happy together, I would’ve been really sad if you guys didn’t make up,” the girl expressed as Childe absently hummed in agreement. His mind was focused on the fact that he really needed to figure out what was going on here.

“I know I’m changing the subject but I was wondering if you knew a good doctor around here?” He questioned. If anyone was going to help him find the source of his problem, a doctor was probably his best bet.

“You mean Baizhu? I thought you’ve met him before?” The girl’s face scrunched into confusion.

“Ah, yes, Baizhu! Well you know me, always forgetting things. I was hoping you could tell me where I could find him?” Childe wanted to melt into the ground right then. When did he get so bad at lying? The girl simply blinked her eyes a couple of times before pointing in the direction of a building that stood at the top of a set of stairs in front of a pond.

“You’re in luck that we’re right by it. He works right in there,” she commented before speaking again in a much more concerned voice. “Is something wrong? Are you ok?” Childe quickly nodded as he waved his hand in reassurance.

“Of course! Just a few bruises from a tumble earlier. Nothing to worry about!” What was going on to Childe’s memory was definitely something to worry about.

“Well I better hurry before they get any more sore. I’ll see you at lunch,” Childe quickly dismissed himself for the second time that day before his conversation partner could respond. He didn’t know how many more awkward conversations filled with him pretending to remember things he had no clue about he could last.

“Well this is a rare sight to see you as a patient.” Baizhu said with amusement as he brought Childe to a separate room of the pharmacy. Childe simply gave a cheeky smile back, not really knowing what he was supposed to say. Did this doctor know him also? Just how many random people in Liyue knew Childe?

“So what brings you here?” The green haired man went on to ask as he shut the door to the room before sitting himself down at a desk in the corner of the room. Childe sat himself down in a chair before responding.

“I’m having memory problems. I don’t know if I hit my head or what but I can’t remember basic things. Like people, places, and events,” Childe explained meeting the doctor’s observant gaze.

“How basic of things are you forgetting?” Childe gave Baizhu’s a small thought before answering.

“I don’t recognize most of the buildings here except for the Northland Bank and my home. A girl walked up to me today and acted like we’ve known each other for forever but I have no clue who she is. I think she works at the Wanmin Restaurant? She says I’m in an argument with someone named Zhongli? I don’t have a clue on who that is either,” Childe took a pause from his slightly frantic explanation to take a deep breath. He didn’t miss the way his chest felt lighter in that moment as he finally expressed everything that had been happening to him since that morning.

“I’ve been told that I’ve almost destroyed the harbor and that people thought I killed Rex Lapis. There’s probably more that I’m forgetting but that about covers it,” Childe finished. Baizhu nodded his head, a pondering expression on his face.

“That’s… interesting. Especially the fact that you can’t remember that consultant. you two were always joined at the hip. Say Childe, do you know who I am?” The pharmacist asked. Childe shook his head, consciously pocketing the information about a consultant. He wondered if the consultant could be that girl or Zhongli. He’d have to ask about that later.

“No. Sorry, can’t say I’ve seen you before,” He answered, deciding that he could be honest with Baizhu. By this point, Childe had told the man everything else that was going on, being completely honest with him wasn’t going to hurt. Hopefully the pharmacist had his best intentions in mind.

“I see,” the doctor replied, an unreadable expression on his face. “Well, from what I could tell right now. It seems as if the start of your memory loss is somewhere when you first arrived in Liyue if you can’t remember Xiangling or Zhongli. This is all so intriguing.” It seemed as if Baizhu murmured the last bit more to himself than directly to Childe. Though from that, Childe could infer that Xiangling was the girl who bought him the newspaper earlier.

“Well, let’s do some tests then,” Baizhu spoke louder and stood up from his chair, getting ready to examine Childe’s head for injuries.

“The good news is, you’re in perfect physical shape. The bad news is, nothing suggests that you should be having memory problems. It’s almost as if your memory magically disappeared,” Baizhu explained as he finished up with his last examination. Childe let out an aggravated sigh.

“Then what should I do? I can’t just go around Liyue not knowing who or what anything is.” The harbinger was desperate for a solution at this point. He could only keep pretending to everyone that he had his memory for so long. Childe was a fighter not a schemer. This whole situation was wasting his time and thoughts more than he’d like it to. And he was fully expecting a qualified doctor to help him out.

Maybe that’s why he almost fell out of his seat when Baizhu simply shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t think there’s much you can do except wait it out. I’d recommend taking it easy and getting used to your surroundings. Nothing is technically wrong with you so your memories should come back. The best I can say is that it’s probably due to the stress of the recent events,” Baizhu spoke, though he didn’t seem too sure about the theory he suggested to Childe about why his memory could possibly be gone.

Huh ? It was only the fact that this man was one of very few people in Liyue who knew Childe and didn’t sneer in his direction or want him dead that stopped the harbinger from throwing a tantrum right then and there. What type of doctor tells their patient “I don’t know” and sends them on their merryway home? Why did Xiangling recommend him such an inadequate doctor? As if to add more salt to the wound, Baizhu spoke again.

“So, let’s talk about your payment. I know fatui harbingers basically breathe money, but because of your… situation I’ll give you a discount. 1,000,000 mora will suffice.”

Childe was going to lose his mind.

Childe realized he may not have been the smartest pea in the pot as he aimlessly walked around the streets of Liyue, almost an hour after his “doctor’s appointment” (if you could even call it that) with Baizhu. For one, he had no idea what time “lunchtime” was for Zhongli and apparently Childe himself. And two, he had no clue where the Wanmin Restaurant was. The man had thought about asking a random passerby for directions but thought against it. With just a quick glance, a stranger could tell by the way the civilians looked at Childe that he was anything but welcomed there.

Seriously, why was he still here? If what everything he had learned so far in the day was true, he was hated by almost everyone in the city, apparently had beef with a friend of his, avoided another friend of his, and the city had a shitty doctor. What reason could Childe possibly have for staying in Liyue? He was sure that if he asked for a transfer, the Tsaritsa would grant it to him. So why was he still here, weeks after what could’ve been a tragedy of his doing? If only he could remember the answer.

It was only by dumb luck that Childe caught sight of Xiangling exiting a restaurant with a tray of food and heading to a occupied table outside ten minutes later.

“Xiangling,” he spoke the chef’s name once she was back with an empty tray. Her eyes searched for the owner of the voice before lighting up once she spotted the harbinger walking up to the front of the restaurant.

“You’re here early!” She exclaimed excitedly. Oh whoops, better early than late though, Childe supposed. But judging by the expression on the younger girl’s face, he was either still close to being on time or it wasn’t too big of a deal. Xiangling hurried into the restaurant but appeared out of it just a moment later, the empty now gone from her hands.

“Well, let's’ get you to a table then!” Xiangling began to walk towards an empty table outside, motioning for Childe to follow. He followed soon after, only hesitating for a second to look at the pile of menus that the girl had most definitely not taken a menu out of. Was everyone just bad at their jobs in Liyue?

“Mr. Zhongli isn’t here yet but I’m sure he’ll be here in a few minutes,” Xianling spoke again once Childe caught up, falling into pace with her.

“Ah, okay, that’s good.” Was it really though? Objectively, Childe didn’t remember this man in any sense. If no one ever mentioned this Mr. Zhongli guy to him, he would've never known he existed, especially with the way Childe has apparently avoided having a simple lunch with him. Yet something in the back of his mind told him this was a bad idea. That he should just tell Xiangling he changed his mind and leave. But another part told him the opposite. Another part of him told him to stay, to stop avoiding the situation. It told him that if he left now, he’d regret it one day.

Archons, was he going crazy?

Thankfully, he was interrupted from his inner turmoil when they finally reached an empty table.

“Did you wanna order the usual?” Xiangling asked after Childe had sat down at the table. The usual? What the heck was “the usual”?

“Yeah, that’ll be fine,” Childe chose to respond, a hesitant smile on his lips. Well, if he ordered it so much that it was called “the usual”, it had to be good, right?

“Alright, I’ll get right on that! I’ll send Mr. Zhongli on your way once he gets here,” Xiangling responded excitedly before leaving Childe by himself at the table. Well at least someone seemed happy for whatever reunion, Childe was about to have. He had to wonder what Zhongli was like, especially if the two of them were such close friends. Maybe he was a buff mercenary who Childe had exciting duels with. Oh, or an assassin that the harbinger had to work with for one mission. The possibilities of who Zhongli was and how they meant were endless! Whoever this man was, he had to be pretty exciting for Childe to spend so much time with him. Though he could only wonder what happened that was so bad that made Childe want to avoid him. If only he could just remember…

“-just hear me out, Mr. Zhongli. I have someone who wants to see you. Oh and he’s right there! Ta-da!” Xiangling’s voice broke Childe out from his thoughts, causing him to look over to where the voice came from. He caught sight of the girl, with a refined and taller man next to her.

Oh? Was this Mr. Zhongli?

Childe looked higher up to see the man’s face. Intrigued starconch blue eyes meant shocked cor lapis ones.

And then it clicked for Childe.

“Oh,” Childe whispered to himself, feeling hot hot panic seep into his veins as the memories hit him like a bullet.

Suddenly, the train wreck of a day he had had made a lot more sense. He shouldn’t of drank that stupid wine. Not only did the effects not even work for a full day, he forgot almost all about the place he had been living at for the last year!

It wasn’t like the shopkeeper had told Childe if he encountered the one he loved again or was reminded of them enough, he would remember.

What was he supposed to do now? He was supposed to forget about Zhongli forever and go on his merry way. Yet here he was, sitting right in front of the same man he had been avoiding this whole time. Atll of the regret he had felt the night before, right when he drank that wine, about not hearing Zhongli out, was gone. Nothing, not anything, could prepare him for the situation he had found himself in.

Childe didn’t care if that made him a hypocrite, he just wasn’t ready to see Zhongli now. Wasn’t ready to hear whatever apology Zhongli could try to come up with.

“Childe?” Zhongli spoke, the low brass of his voice ringing through Childe’s ears. The harbinger stayed silent, continuing to stare at the ex-archon’s questioning gaze.

There were many options for what Childe could have done next. He could’ve taken the mature route and finally talked things over with Zhongli. Or maybe he could have excused himself for a moment and taken some time to calm himself down. But Childe did neither of those options. No, rather Childe did what any respectable person would do in that situation.

He bolted out of the premises.

If he wasn’t in the middle of a crisis, Childe probably would’ve lost his mind with how hard he would’ve laughed at the shell shocked expressions the pair made as he sped walk away from the restaurant.

He didn’t even know where his feet were leading him until was at the docks, closed his eyes, and started counting his steps, all the way up to forty-nine steps. The next step was to drown out the noises of the crowd and listen to his heartbeat.

Wow . His heart was beating at a million times and hour. Maybe he’d have to take another visit to Baizhu for a heart attack this time. Now that’d be humiliating. 11th Fatui Harbinger, Tartaglia, a name that brought fear to the battlefield, dropped dead on the docks of Liyue because he couldn’t handle confrontation. To be fair though, he did just remember some very taxing memories and his confrontation was with a former archon. Childe thought he was doing pretty well in his situation for the fact that he was still standing on his feet.

It was at the end of that thought when Liyue’s background noise went quiet and all that Childe heard was a gentle breeze and his racing heart. When his eyes opened, he was greeted by a starless sky and a lone shop.

He was going to have a word with that shopkeeper.

“You scammed me with that wine!” Childe accused the second he entered the shop.

“Oh?” The shopkeeper made a halfhearted sound, more focused on stocking a shelf further into the shop. “Oh”? Was that all she was going to say. Just Oh ?

“Don’t act smart with me! You know what you did! You lied to me. You told me I would forget about him but I didn’t. Instead I couldn’t remember anything for the whole day! An entire year was just gone from my mind! We both know that isn’t supposed to happen!” Childe did not have any patience in him left to deal with this shopkeeper’s shit anymore. He was going to get compensation, be it by a fight or an actual explanation of what he poured down his throat last night.

“Hmmm… quick to accuse but not to listen. That’s how you’ve gotten yourself into such an inner conflict and what’ll be your downfall,” she spoke, though Childe couldn’t be sure if she was talking to him or herself. It didn’t matter to him, though. He came here for an answer yet all he was getting was riddles and confusion.

“I don’t know what you’re getting at but I want answers! What did you give me?”

“What I’m getting at is I didn’t lie. I told you that if you encountered the one you love that you’d remember. It’s not my fault you didn’t want to listen to that part,” she responded with a slight aggression as she finally brought her attention away from the shelf and directly onto the man. Childe kept his mouth shut, not wanting to admit that the shopkeeper may have had a point.

“But you couldn’t remember anything from the past year? Hmm… just how much reminds you of this person?” The shopkeeper questioned, a pensive expression now crossing her features, the aggression now somewhere out of sight. Childe thought on the question for a moment. What did remind him of Zhongli? Or better yet, what didn’t ? All the sights in Liyue, all the restaurants and stores they visited, all of it always found its way back to Zhongli. On further thought, practically the whole city reminded him of the man.

“Everything where I live. They practically gave me a tour of the city when I moved here,” he admitted, still weary of the woman’s intentions. The shopkeeper nodded her head and gave a short hum in reply.

“I see. Well the point of the wine is to clear your memory of the person you love. If they’re so deeply rooted to your memory of the city, then why shouldn’t your memory of that place disappear too? Your memories of all those places wouldn’t be the same without the one you love. The wine just made you forget about a time when they were around because for you, they were always around in some way. Maybe you spent time with them or maybe you were alone on a walk through the city, thinking of how those sights were introduced to you by this person,” the shopkeeper explained. Childe had to say her explanation actually made a lot of sense. A lot more sense than Baizhu’s at least. But that brought up another equal concern.

“What am I supposed to do then? I can’t just walk around in a city and not know what’s going on.”

“Why not just leave then? Go back to where you were before,” the shopkeeper suggested as if it was the most obvious idea in the world. Honestly, it really was the most obvious idea. So why couldn’t Childe bring himself to follow through with it?

“I can’t just leave, though. I have responsibilities here,” he weakly argued back but he knew he was talking nonsense by that point. What real responsibilities did he have in Liyue now? Debt collecting? The bank could deal with that themselves. Actually, they’d probably have a better reputation without Childe paroling around Liyue.

The Tsaritsa had sent him there to oversee the bank and get Rex Lapis’ gnosis yet he failed at both jobs in the end. He had no reason to be in Liyue truly, so why-

“What’s holding you back then, Childe?” By now the shopkeeper had started making her way towards the harbinger, a knowing gaze in her eyes. He stared back at her, not turning his eyes away from the unnerving look.

“I think we both know the answer to that. Maybe you should take some time to think of what you truly want. You have only two choices here. Drink the wine and leave or to live life how it is so far. So what is it that you truly want?”  The shopkeeper had that ancient look in her eyes, the one that showed the true age of her and her knowledge. But she also looked expectant, like there was an obvious answer here. But what was the right answer, exactly? What was Childe supposed to do?

“I’ll leave then, I guess. It’s not like I’ll miss it here or anything if I don’t remember anything,” he finally answered. The day earlier had felt empty, that was for sure. But if Childe went back home to Snezhnaya, would he truly feel empty? Wouldn’t it be better to be back home with familiar sights? The more and more he thought about it, the more and more sense it made. Objectively, the smart thing to do would just to forget about Zhongli and everything that happened in Liyue and just go home. He overstayed his welcome here.

“I see,” was all the shopkeeper said, the expectant look on her face now replaced by an unreadable expression. If Childe had to make a guess, he’d say it was disappointment but that wouldn’t make any sense. She didn’t even know him.

“Well, I wish you good luck then,” she continued, turning her attention back to the shelf she had been sorting earlier.  Childe gave a nod back, turning around to head back to the harbor and start preparing for a boat ride back to Snezhnaya. He’d probably be able to find a ride back in a day or two, especially if he paid the port enough money.

“ If you find yourself truly unable to figure out the situation in the next few days, I may have something else that could help you truly decide,” he heard the shopkeeper speak from behind right as he put his hand on the handle to the door. He turned around to question her about what else she could give him but there was just an empty store in his view. The shopkeeper had disappeared.

Childe shook his head trying to ignore just how weird everything was. The more he thought about the shop, the closer he was to losing his sanity. He quickly cleared his head of the strange situation and exited the shop. Though maybe if he gave the event just a tiny bit more thought, he would’ve realized that he hadn’t ever told the shopkeeper his name.

The first thing Childe heard when he walked through the door into Liyue harbor was his name being called by Zhongli. The harbinger turned away from the open sea to look behind him where he saw the well-dressed man approaching him. Oh yeah, he forgot he bailed on Zhongli and Xiangling. Zhongli probably needed Childe to pay for his abandoned order.

Perhaps Childe was just trying to convince himself that Zhongli wouldn’t try another apology.

“Ah, sorry about leaving. You need money for the check, right?” Childe apologized as he went to grab his money pouch from his pocket. To his surprise Zhongli held a hand up and shook his head.

“That won’t be necessary. I have already informed Xiangling that we will be ordering out. I’ve also already paid for the meal.” Childe almost threw himself off of the dock. Did he hear the man right? Did Zhongli just say he paid for the meal? Mr. “It seems I have no mora”, paid for their entire meal?

“You paid for our meal?” Childe repeated, dumbfounded. Zhongli  nodded with an almost straight face, but Childe could see a small shine of pride in the older man’s eyes. Maybe if there wasn’t such tensions between them, Childe would’ve found it cute.

Maybe Childe did still find it cute.

But there was something else sitting in Childe’s mind that Zhongli had said.

“ We’re ordering out? The two of us?” Maybe Childe just didn’t understand Zhongli’s words right. Maybe he had meant that he had ordered the food to-go and would simply just take the food hom or give it to Childe to avoid them an awkward meal. Or maybe though.... He wouldn't put it past Zhongli doing it either… the sentiment would be nice but Childe’s mind was already made up...

“Were you going to try to take us on a picnic or something? Because Zhongli if you’re trying to apolog-” The harbinger began to say but was soon cut off by Zhongli.

“No. Well, yes in a sense but that was not my main intention,” the ex-archon shook his head before a serious expression appeared on his face.

“Tartaglia, I challenge you to a duel.” What ?

“You’re challenging me to a duel?” Childe hated the way his blood pumped up at just the thought of fighting Zhongli. He was supposed to be forgetting the man, not getting into duels with him! But that didn’t change the fact that he had wanted to fight Zhongli at least once since early on into their friendship before everything got so complicated . He had always sensed a power that laid underneath poised and polished exterior. And to be finally given the chance… but Childe was supposed to be focused on not interacting with him. He was supposed to be going home and drinking the wine one more time before Zhongli was forever away from his mind.

“Yes, but also I wanted to make a contract.” Childe raised his eyebrows at that one. A contract? Was Zhongli even in a position to be the one trying to make a contract? Childe had just tried to run away from him not too long ago. What made Zhongli think the harbinger would even think to accept a contract? Almost as if reading Childe’s mind, Zhongli continued.

“Before you object, I would like you to hear the terms of the contract. I believe you would find them to be favorable.” The older man paused, giving Childe the time to respond.

“Go on…” Why was Childe even going along with this?

“We leave for the duel the moment the contract is made in order to make sure our food will be the optimal temperature by the time we are done. We will duel at the top of Mt. Tianheng in order to ensure that we will not be interrupted or cause a disruption. If I win, you must hear out my apology over our food from the Wanmin Restaurant. It is up to you what you gain if you win.” Oh? It was both what Childe was expecting and completely not expecting. It wasn't a terrible contract. If Childe won, he could easily tell Zhongli to leave him alone before he left for Snezhnaya. It would certainly make his departure easier.

Could he beat Zhongli, though? No, could he beat Morax ? Morax who was feared on the battlefield by his opponents. Morax who did not bat an eye as he beat his opponents into the ground. Morax who was anything but merciful.

But Zhongli wasn’t Morax anymore. Zhongli was just a mortal, his gnosis long gone somewhere in Snezhnaya. And Childe was very talented at beating mortals in combat. If anything, he had the advantage against Zhongli. The older man was probably still getting used to existing with the absence of his gnosis and probably had not been in combat since his days as an archon. The more and more Childe thought about it, the easier and easier this battle sounded. Sure, it would probably be a challenge, but not something he couldn’t best. The terms truly benefited him if he won. He could easily leave Liyue and get in a battle with a former archon before he left. It was killing two birds with one stone!

“Ok. If I win, you leave me alone. Never speak to me again,” Childe answered, not missing the flash of hurt that crosses Zhongli’s face at his condition. But as fast as it appeared, the expression disappeared into the usual neutral expression that Zhongli wore. 

“Well, if those are the conditions, let us consummate the contract.” Zhongli held out a hand towards Childe, his amber eyes staring straight in ocean blue ones. Childe didn’t hesitate before gripping that hand and shaking it.

“It’s a deal.”

Childe could only hope that he didn’t regret this.

Chapter Text

“The only way to reconciliation is fierce combat!” The traveler gave Childe a quizzical expression as the two of them walked his brother to Dorttore’s abandoned factor, the younger sibling and Paimon traveling a few feet ahead. Oh what an adventure that day had been. It had been at a time when citizen’s were still too focused on repairing their city to focus on hating the harbinger. A time when it was only a measly week since Zhongli’s reveal and Childe still had hope that the man would say something to him. A time when the breeze of spring still blew past the young man and ruffled his ginger locs.

It was a time that promised rebirth and to start anew. A time to let bygones be bygones. A time that Childe still felt the beads of hopefulness in his chest. A time that Childe missed a month later.

“You’re no match for him,” the traveler snickered, not believing that the harbinger’s skill could come anywhere close to the ex-archon’s. The pair had been engaging in idle chatter, somehow getting on to the topic of Zhongli and how Childe was dealing with the man’s reveal.

“What do you mean I’m no match for him?” Rather than verbally responding, the traveler sent Childe a dubious look as if they were looking at a five year old. With how amusing it was to watch the traveler’s reactions, he couldn't even find it himself to get offended. Instead, Childe let out an earnest laugh. One of the one’s he let out before starting a battle he knew he would win. One of the ones that would stand at the edge between enthusiasm and derangement. Perhaps that laugh would have concerned the traveler in the early days of knowing Childe, but by then they just gently shook their head, already used to the harbinger’s antics.

“Just don’t come crying to me when he totally beats you up,” the traveler had said jokingly then. Though Childe could not find himself to believe those words. Against mortal, adeptus, or archon, Childe would be a formidable foe.

That’s exactly what he told himself a month later, taking off his scarf as he readied for his duel against Zhongli. Unlike before, it was much too hot to go around fighting in a scarf, especially if Childe wanted to win. The springtime breeze had been replaced by the searing hot winds of the summer by now, the season of rebirth just another memory until it returned the next year. It seemed even the hot weather could affect a former archon, He observed as Zhongli placed his tie, overcoat, and vest on the ground next to Childe’s scarf and the takeout from Wanmin Restaurant, leaving him in just his dress shirt and slacks.

“We’ll go until someone yields or is unable to get up,” Zhongli explained as the two walked away from their belongings. Childe nodded in agreement, stretching his arms to prepare himself for the fight.

The sunlight of the early afternoon shone down on the two and their surroundings, lighting up the surface of Mt. Tianheng. The grass danced under the nearby ruins with the summer winds as leaves from the nearby bushes ran through the air. Perhaps it would’ve been a beautiful sight, broken down stones and all, if it were not for the fact that it was moments away from becoming a battlefield.

“I’m ready whenever you are,” Childe spoke, activating his vision and pulling out a bow made of water. By then the two had made nice distance between themselves and their belongings. Unless a meteor came crashing down onto the mountain, their items would be fine. Zhongli hummed in response, a few feet away from Childe, as he materialized a spear from the thin air.

“Though, I recommend utilizing a weapon you’re more proficient in.” The older man motioned towards the bow in Childe’s hands. Oh really?

“Is that a threat?” Childe asked, fighting off a smile that was trying to appear on his lips. He would not show any excitement over this, no matter how much of an adrenaline rush he was starting to get. He just needed to win this fight, leave Liyue, and drink the wine. There was no room or time to let his emotions get the best of him.

“No, it was rather a suggestion.” Zhongli loosely spun the spear in his hand, the only give away that he was jesting was the slight upturn of his lips. Huh, this was kind of amusing.

“Those are fighting words, Zhongli!” Childe hated himself in that moment for the grin that finally broke out on his face. It was only due to the fact that such an exciting battle was about to happen, he attempted to tell himself. It had nothing to do with the comfromality of being in a setting with Zhongli where Childe didn’t run away or kick him out (yet) after so long. It wouldn’t hurt just to let himself enjoy the feeling for the moment, right? It wasn’t like Childe was going to remember this after he won and left for Snezhnaya. His memories of the golden eyed man would be gone with the first winds of frigid cold that he’d feel on his way home. But that was later. For now, all Childe needed to focus on was his upcoming battle.

“I’m not too sure what you mean,” Zhongli tilted his head in feigned innocence. “I was just merely suggesting you use a different weapon if you hope to defeat me.” Childe threw his head back as a rabid laugh broke through his lips. He had missed this banter with Zhongli, as much as it pained him to acknowledge. And he would miss it all the way until the end of his memories with Zhongli. He would miss the way Zhongli’s humor was only just a miniscule away from appearing the same as when he was serious. He would miss the way Zhongli did not bat an eye when Childe lost himself in the lust of battle. He would miss the calm and collected rock that Zhongli was in his ever hectic life.

He would not miss the lies. 

But this was not the time to worry about lies. This was the time to worry about battle. 

“Pft! Ok, sure.” Though he knew that Zhongli was joking, he still let the water in his hands come into the form of his usual daggers. This was an ex-archon he was facing. Though he may have not still had the power of his gnosis, he had years and years of battle experience under his belt. Childe was confident, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew when he had to get serious for a battle and this was one of those times. Fighting against a former archon would be no easy feat. Impossible, though? No.

It was when Childe stood with his head held high and blades readied in his hands that Zhongli made his move. In a flash of almost inhuman speed, he was in front of Childe, his polearm making a wide arc as he swung it towards the harbinger’s face. It was only due to ducking in just the nick of time that he avoided being decapitated right then and there.

If Childe had not been excited before, he was beyond ecstatic at that point, a deranged smile breaking out on to his face that heavily contrasted the collected yet focused expression on his opponent’s. It seemed as if Zhongli wanted to give no time for simple pleasantries and instead wanted to move straight into the peak of fierce combat. Though he would expect no less from the former Lord of Geo. How exhilarating this battle would come to be; Life was truly beautiful!

Almost as fast as Zhongli had made his first move, the still kneeling Childe moved his two blades in an attempt to sweep Zhongli off of his feet. However, the attack was easily dodged with just a few steps back, almost as if a toddler had taken a swipe at the man rather than a seasoned warrior. But Childe followed right along, for each step Zhongli took back, Childe stood up and followed, leaving no room for comfort. Each slash he took towards Zhongli with his blades was met perfectly with placed blocks with his polearm. A fierce and rushed offense clashing with a sturdy and unmoving defense.

With each move, Childe felt the muscles in his arms start to burn, a welcomed pain in the heat of battle. The ache in his muscles thrumming to the drum of his heart beat.  The raw feeling of his limbs crying out from such strenuousness work. The beads of sweat rolling down his face dropping down into his eyes, bringing a stinging sensation. It was all such a satisfying feeling that Childe could bathe forever in it. An addicting type of hurt that left him wanting more and more as he hacked and hacked away at Zhongli’s defenses, neither of them daring to make a misstep quite yet.

It was only when Childe took a certain step a bit further to the left, his blade aiming for a particular spot on Zhongli’s arm that wasn’t covered by his spear, that their dance changed into a different tune. Childe felt the water splash onto his arm just as a shield appeared, effectively breaking his weapon. Just as fast as the shield appeared, a swift strike was aimed towards Childe side that was hastily dodged with a few quick steps back. Unlike him, Zhongli didn’t follow Childe or attack with relentless strike after relentless strike. Rather he watched Zhongli’s eyes glow a faint gold before the ground was shaking under Childe’s feet. Childe had half the mind to jump out of the way before a pillar sprung out from the ground, effectively blasting the ground that was under his feet just a few seconds ago. The force of the blast still sent Childe flying a few feet, effectively knocking the air out of his lungs. He tried not to think about just how much worse shape he’d be in if he didn’t dodge that pillar.

So that’s how Zhongli wanted to play, huh? If Childe didn’t know any better, he would’ve thought Zhongli was trying to kill him… how exciting! A match to the death always brought a joyful pep to Childe’s mood!

Childe sluggishly pushed himself up to his knees, his body crying out for him to stop. Too bad he was only just getting started. He looked up at Zhongli, still the picture of prime and perfect, not even a grass stain on his clothes. Zhongli looked down at Childe, not a single sign of exertion on his perfectly calm face except for a few drops of sweat. If a stranger had happened to see Zhongli in that moment, they would probably assume he’d been sweating from the summer heat rather than an intense duel. But Childe would change that, soon. He’d turn that cool expression on Zhongli’s face into something more intense and focused. He would bathe his spotless clothes with the blood and sweat of the pair. He would watch him struggle for victory, looking for any sense of opportunity in Childe’s onslaught of attacks just to be met with more and more. He would watch him stumble to the ground, struggling to get up just as Childe had only to find a blade pressed to the edge of his throat, Childe looming over him as the victor he was meant to be. He would make Zhongli break; Crumble into little pieces until there was nothing left.

Childe brought himself up to his feet, feeling the sensation of electricity wrap around himself as he activated his delusion. It was then that the collected expression was gone from Zhongli’s face, a slight down curve of concern now splayed out on his eyebrows. A tiny frown placed onto his lips. A more firm grip on his spear. A slight spark of surprise shining in his eyes. That’s what Childe wanted to see!

In a flash Childe was charging at Zhongli, the blades of water now replaced with blades of electro energy. Electricity met geo. Childe swung and swung, ignoring the way he felt as if he could collapse any minute. Pain was temporary but such a victory against such an opponent would live on forever in at least one of their mind’s. The one easy and controlled blocks Zhongli used against Childe’s attacks were now replaced with frantic and messy swings. Childe didn’t hold back, giving his all into each and every strike. There was a downward swing of both his blades at the same time. A combination of his blades into a spear that moved into any shape at Childe’s command. A vortex of rushing water as Childe continued to use electricity, not paying any mind to the risk of being electrocuted.

As out of his element Zhongli now was, he still met fire with fire. With each new skill Childe showed, Zhongli had one to match it. A dash so fast it looked as if he and his spear disappeared from existence from a moment just to appear in Childe’s personal space a second later. A kick to his spear that sent it spinning in a deadly circle. More and more pillars that made the ground quake. Though neither one of them could get the edge over the other. Each strike met with an equally powerful one in retaliation.

The tides of the battle did not change until one particular move Childe made. Or perhaps it was a misstep Zhongli had made. Attempting to dodge a particularly fierce strike aimed for his head, Zhongli found himself backed against one of his own pillars. He attempted to move away from the corner he was backed into but was meant with a crazed Childe looming over him, a blade held dangerously close to his neck. It was then that Childe could see the makings of a sort of panic appearing on Zhongli’s face. A pure emotion of fear present in his cor lapis eyes. But a fear of what? A fear of losing the battle? A fear of what Childe would do with the sharp edge placed on his neck? A fear of Childe killing him right then and there? Would Childe kill him right then? What did he have to lose? It would all disappear from his memories in due time anyways.

You love him, you won’t kill him. A voice spoke through Childe’s head, completely knocking him out of his battle lust. The grip on his weapons loosened with the shock of the thought in such a situation as it dawned on him that one of them was going to get killed if they kept it up and just how serious that really was. It was then that Zhongli took a notice of Childe’s hesitation and slipped out of his grip, that golden glow flashing in his eyes once again. Cursing himself for letting himself get distracted, Childe prepared for another pillar. In a few seconds though, he realized that rather than the ground shaking, the sky was turning a dark shade of grey. He focused his attention fully on the sky, quickly noticing the meteor that was heading straight towards the pair.

Huh ? Childe looked over to Zhongli to see what his next move would be so they wouldn’t be crushed by a fucking metor , but the man just stood there unmoving, an intense gaze freezing Childe in place. He was going to die, right then and there on some random mountain in Liyue. No scratch that, they were going to die. What was Zhongli after? Was him winning the battle so important to him that he’d rather them both be dead than live with Childe winning?

Preparing himself for certain doom, he closed his eyes. If he was going to get crushed to death by a meteor, he didn't want to watch it happen. It was only when the meteor was just a few feet from impact that he was suddenly knocked off of his feet as a loud blast sounded through the air. A few seconds passed and Childe realized he was very much alive, even if was in much pain due to the intensity of the fight or being slammed down to the ground, he was still alive and that had to be a positive. Though Childe had to wonder what the weight on top of him right then was.

“Do you yield?” Childe opened his eyes to the sight of Zhongli pinning him down, one of his shields surrounding them. Oh . That’s probably how he survived. Though Childe didn’t have much time to ponder over the thought before he noticed the point of Zhongli’s polearm pointed at Childe’s neck. Huh, how the tables had turned. He made a move to test how strong Zhongli’s grip was but was steadily held down. Well shit . There was no way Childe was going to get out of this one.

Cor lapis eyes steadily stared down at Childe, awaiting his answer, with an intense emotion filled with anything other than calmness. Childe averted his gaze. not being able to look into those eyes for the time being. It was almost as if those golden eyes were the sun and Childe was looking directly at it; If he looked too long he would be left blinded and in pain. Though maybe it was a little too late for that. He had definitely experienced his fair share of pain with Zhongli recently.

“I yield,” Childe croaked out grudgingly. Well… that didn’t go the way Childe had wanted it to. So much for being able to leave Liyue emotionally unscathed. Now he’d have to hear whatever apology Zhongli had up his sleeve.

Though, was Childe going to be emotionally unscathed even if he had won?

It didn’t matter in the end, though. There was no chance that Childe could’ve won. He may’ve been a seasoned fighter ready to take on any challenge, but even he was powerless against a god’s meteor sent down to the ground he was standing on. It seemed like Childe would just have to prepare to keep on getting hurt. No matter what he did, it always seemed to come around and send him down a deeper hole of despair. Was it so difficult to just want to be happy? To just want to forget about an event that only left a bad memory?

Zhongli held his grip on Childe for a moment longer before the shield disintegrated and he moved off of him. Childe let himself take in big gulps of air, his lungs feeling as if he was on fire. Archons, was that a rough battle. One wrong move and one of them would have ended up 6 feet in the ground by the end of the week. Even Zhongli looked a little out of breath, his chest moving up and down as he breathed at a faster pace than usual. Grass stains and dirt littered the rumpled clothing he wore. And oh? Was that a tear on one of Zhongli’s pant legs? Childe was too tired to prevent the cheeky smile that made its way onto his face as he observed the usually put-together man’s disheveled appearance. At least he had one thing going for him. Maybe he couldn't take the ex-archon down, but he could give him one of the best battles he probably had had in a few hundred years.

Almost as if he felt Childe’s gaze on him, Zhongli turned his head from looking at the afternoon sky to look at Childe, a confused expression laying on his face as he noticed his smile. Childe didn’t know if his heart sunk or soar when Zhongli’s expression turned to one of pure bliss, the widest smile he had ever seen on the man laying on his lips as his golden eyes almost seemed to light up from joy. Childe wanted to look away, he really did. But what could he really do when his muscles were too exhausted to make a move and every breath he took left him more breathless than the last? What else could he do when the sun stared him back in the eyes?

“Zhongli, where’s our stuff?” Childe had asked later when they could finally bring their aching muscles to push them off the ground. The harbinger currently stood over the spot where their outer clothes and food had been but it was nowhere to be seen now. Zhongli gave the area a once over before a flash of realization showed up in his eyes.

“I believe our belongings were blown away when I summoned the meteor,” he simply said as if it was a regular occurrence. Childe opened his mouth to respond but instead chose to shake his head at the pure ridiculousness of the situation. Nothing could ever be normal with Zhongli around, could it? Suddenly Zhongli was looking at Childe, a hand thoughtfully on his chin.

“According to the contact, if I won, we would have dined on our food as you listened to my apology. But it seems as if our food is gone…” He trailed off as he looked back over to the space on the ground where their food definitely was not at. Even Childe found himself looking at the empty space willing the food to magically reappear so he could just get the apology over with. The sooner he heard Zhongli out, the sooner he could pray and hope that he could block out the words until he got home to Snezhnaya where he would end up forgetting the apology anyways.

“Hmmm… I’ve thought of a possible solution if you aren’t adverse to it,” Zhongli spoke again.

“And that is?” Childe asked, expecting that Zhongli was going to suggest that they just walked back to the Wanmin Restaurant and ate there. But of course, Zhongli caught him off his guard once again. It just seemed like he was full of surprises today.

“We could meet here again at the same time tomorrow and fulfill the rest of the contract then,” Zhongli suggested both to Childe’s complete joy and utter despair. On one hand, this meant that Childe could leave this situation alone sooner today and start with his preparations to go back to Snezhnaya. But on the other hand, he would still have to deal with Zhongli's apology tomorrow. Hmmm but still, if he decided to hear out Zhongli today he would have to sit through them waiting for food and eating it at a busy restaurant. In the end, wouldn't he have to spend less time in this awkward apology situation if he just decided to eat with him tomorrow? Plus, if Childe felt the need to completely combust due to how bad of an apology Zhongli gave him, it’d be better to do it on top of a mountain rather than a restaurant where the majority of the customers already hated him at,

“Yeah, that sounds fine,” Childe finally decided on saying, thinking about how none of this was actually fine.

“Ekaterina, I need you to find me the next boat that leaves for Snezhnaya. I’ll be leaving Liyue soon.” Ekaterina looked up from her desk later that afternoon to find Childe standing in front of her, looking as if he had gotten run over. The scarf he usually wore was nowhere to be found, his hair had looked as if it was a bird’s nest, dirt and tears were seen on various parts of his clothes, and bruises littered his skin.

“I’ll get on that,” Ekaterina answered, thankfully not bringing up the state Childe was in or how sudden it was that Childe was going back to Snezhnaya. Though the same couldn't be said for the perplexed expression on her face.

“If you’re leaving for Snezhnaya, will you be handling the debt report I gave you this morning? If not us at the bank can take over the task. I’m sure Nadia will be able to handle it.”. Childe took a moment to try to remember what Ekaterina was talking about before the realization hit him.

“No need to get Nadia on the job,’ Childe waved his hand dismissively as he remembered the paper about the most recent case of a loan not being paid. “I’ll handle it tonight. You know I never leave a debt unhandled.” Ekaterina nodded her head before responding.

“Ok, well I’ll get on to searching the dock schedule after my shift, sir. I’ll have the time and date of when the next boat for Snezhnaya leaves for you tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Ekaterina. Well, I’ll be on my way then. Debt doesn’t wait for anyone!” Childe said his cheery goodbyes, a stark contrast to the panicked state he had been in earlier that day. Ekaterina could only begin to wonder what was going on with her boss as he walked out the bank. Thankfully she got paid more than enough to deal with his shenanigans.

Cor lapis eyes plagued Childe’s mind as he read the paper Ekaterina had given him earlier. It was aggravating, if that was even a good word to use to describe it. He had work to focus on, not a man who he would soon forget. Yet still, images of a smile brighter than the sun and graceful yet skilled hands wielding a spear ran rampant through the Childe’s mind. If only there was any way to get rid of those thoughts, even just for a moment. Then maybe Childe could actually do his job.

Except there was a way.

Childe pocketed the paper he was reading and lifted his gaze to look at a particular kitchen cabinet that wasn’t too far from where he was seated at at the kitchen table. If he had to guess he probably had 3 or 4 cups worth of wine left in the bottle. It wouldn’t hurt to just take one more sip, right? He’d have more than enough left to drink once he left Liyue and truly be able to forget forever.

He wasn’t stupid. He knew that even if he drank the wine that night, he would still remember Zhongli by the time they meant up for lunch the next day. But still, if he could just forget about him temporarily…

Childe looked out the window, the bright strands of mid afternoon light shining down on him. If he did drink the wine and blacked out like last time, he could probably wake up and find the person who owed debt long before the sun rose back into the sky. It was only a matter of remembering that he had debt to collect. If Childe drank the wine, what would stop him from being as utterly confused as he was that morning? It was then that an idea struck his head.

Tearing his gaze away from the outside world, Childe went to dig through one of his drawers, pulling out a paper and a pen that he usually used to write letters back home to. If he couldn’t remember all that he needed to, then he would make himself remember. He placed the paper on the counter and started to write, black ink bleeding wherever he placed his pen. He would have to make sure he left no word unsaid that would be needed later on. There was no room to make a mistake or else he could screw everything up for himself… especially his lunch with Zhongli. As much as he did not want to have to sit through this apology, he would much rather listen to empty words of sorrow than see what happens when you break a contract with Rex Lapis; Especially with that meteor Zhongli sent down towards them, Childe could easily say no thank you to trying to not fulfill his end of the contract.

Once he was done writing everything he needed to write, Childe placed the note on the table before going to grab the wine and a glass. This was all so stupid and Childe knew it. He could only imagine what Zhongli would say to him if he knew what was going on. Probably something along the lines of “You can not simply drink all of your problems away, Childe”. Heh, Zhongli always had something wise to say to others but when it came to his own feelings he was left speechless. As strong as a god could be, they were all just downright shitty with their emotions. How spectacular was it for Childe that he ended up falling for one?

But it would be alright in the end. He would figure it out in due time.

Childe sat himself back at the kitchen table, pouring himself a glass of the wine. Well this was it, no point in backing out now. He gave another glance to the window to double check the time of day.

It was a beautiful afternoon Childe had to admit to himself. Not a single cloud blocked the view of the sun, a shining star that he would never reach. It was truly bright, brighter than any other object in the sky... It was too bright. Look too long and you would find yourself blind, suddenly in an empty darkness. But not look long enough and you would find yourself wanting to look at it again. Any person with common sense would simply avoid looking at the sun. But once you looked once, what would stop you from looking again and again and such a beautiful spec of light, even if it burned you in the end?

Childe ripped his eyes away from the window and looked back towards the table. He couldn’t waste time on useless thoughts when he had a job to do. A burning ball of fire and a retired god should’ve been at the bottom of his priority list by then, yet somehow Zhongli had made it somewhere to the top of it. But that would no longer be true for the rest of that night.

For the second day in the row, Childe brought the wine glass to his lips and let the liquid travel down his throat. Cor lapis eyes that once seared their way into the back of his eyelids disappeared into the thick veil of darkness taking over his vision. This time, no regrets lingered in his head as he felt himself slip away from reality.

Childe woke up to his head against a wooden table and crickets chirping in his ear. He lifted his head up in confusion to catch the sight of a peculiar, almost empty wine bottle in front of him, an even emptier glass, and a piece of paper. Noticing the sight in front of him was painted in a dark light, Childe turned around to catch sight of his kitchen window, the moon hanging high in the sky, before turning to look at the sight in front of him again.

What the heck had happened to Childe? He tried to recall what he had done earlier that day but his mind came to a blank. If it weren’t for the alcohol placed in front of him, he would've found himself much more concerned than he was in the moment. But instead, he chalked it up to having a hangover. All of the signs pointed in that direction; Waking up at the kitchen table at night, an almost empty bottle in front of him, the blanks in his memory, his muscles feeling sore. He didn’t consider the fact that his head did not hurt at all.

Not thinking over his condition too much yet, Childe went to grab the piece of paper that was on the table. On closer inspection, black words in his handwriting were written on the page. Hmm, that was interesting. Curious as to why he wrote himself a note, Childe read over the paper:

Important!!!!!

1. Check your right pocket, there should be information on a debt you need to collect. Take care of this right after you wake up

2. Check in with Ekaterina at the Northland Bank tomorrow morning. She has important news for you

3. *Very important* Go to the top of  Mt. Tianheng at 12 tomorrow. Do not miss this by any means unless you want a meteor to crush you!!!!!

4. Don’t be scared if stuff looks unfamiliar, you’ll figure it out later. It’s unimportant right now

What?

Childe read the third number of instructions again, not sure if he read it right. A meteor was going to crush him if he didn’t climb a mountain? Just how much did he drink earlier? Shaking his head head in ridiculousness as he stood up from the table, prepared to chalk the note up to nothing more than drunken drabbless, until something fell out of right pocket onto the ground. The man kneeled down to grab the object, finding a folded up piece of paper. Upon unfolding the piece of paper, Childe found that maybe the note on the paper wasn’t as crazy as he had originally thought it was.

The nights in Liyue were significantly cooler without a scarf, Childe observed as walked through the almost empty streets of the harbor. The night time chill was in no way comparable to the bone chilling coldness Snezhnaya beared, but Childe would’ve appreciated the scarf he usually wore. But no matter how hard he had searched, the red piece of fabric was nowhere to be found. He could only wonder what had happened to it.

However that was the least of his concerns compared to a much bigger problem looming over Childe. No matter how many times he checked the sheet of paper, he could not understand where he was going. It wasn’t as if the information on the paper in Childe’s hand was vague, it was rather detailed actually, listing the person who had debt’s name, age, address, work address, and more.  No, the issue on hand was that he had no clue where he was or where he was going. The address of the person he was looking for, a man who worked a newspaper stand by the Bubu Pharmacy, was located somewhere in the city but Childe could not figure out where that was for the life of him. And that was how Childe found himself wandering the streets of Liyue Harbor in the middle of the night, trying to find any clues that could lead him to the address he was trying to find.

Strangely, the situation gave him a sense of deja vu. Though Childe was pretty sure he had never encountered such an issue before. If it weren’t for the mention of how he probably would have no clue where he was in the note he left himself, Childe probably would have lost it in the middle of the road. How does someone forget the town they live in?

Childe shook his head and turned around, deciding that he should just go back home. There was no way he would be able to do this job with that state he was in. Archons, we did he have to get so drunk earlier? Maybe if he hadn’t gotten so wasted, he’d actually have a fully working head on his shoulders.

The harbinger had made it exactly five steps before he realized he didn’t know how to get back home.

“Well this is great,” he sarcastically whispered to himself, panic finally starting to set in. There he was, lost and stranded in an unfamiliar city in the middle of the night. This was splendid. Great. Amazing. Spectacular.

Childe sucked in a breath and counted to three. It would do him no good if he lost his cool now. He had to think. What would be the best way to handle this situation? It would be to retrace his steps except he wasn’t exactly paying attention to his steps as he was walking around for the past… half an hour? Or was it an hour? He let out a sigh. He was truly hopeless wasn’t he?

Childe continued to walk  in the direction he was walking in just a moment ago, not knowing what else to do. Well, if he was already lost, there was no harm in just walking around the streets and hoping he came across something familiar right? Plus it was a gorgeous night, even if it was a little boring with all of the empty streets. Even the sky was empty, not a cloud in the sky, just twinkling stars and the moon glimmering above. The moon was beautiful, at least in Childe’s opinion. Not unlike the sun, it lit up the sky and lead you through the dark of night… at least when it was full, new moons on the other hand just left you abandoned in the dark. But at least the moon didn’t blind you like the sun did. You could look up and admire its beauty all night long without punishment. Unlike the sun, it was safe and welcoming. It felt reachable, almost as if Childe could reach up into the sky and grab it.

It was as he was observing the moon that Childe almost walked straight into the display window of a jewelry shop, just stopping short when he saw a slight bit of his reflection shining on the glass in the corner of his eyes. He could only shake his head and laugh at his stupidity once he caught his bearings. Jeez, what was he doing ogling a space rock? He had really gone off the deep end, hadn’t he?

Childe took a moment to look through the display window, various jewelry pieces with different  gems and stones glimmering in the moon’s light. They were all so beautiful and expensive looking. They had to be worth a fortune each. Especially that ring with a noctilucous jade in the center of it. Or that silk flower headpiece. Oh! Or that pair of cor lapis earrings. Zhongli would probably look good with one of those earrings in, the color of the cor lapis perfectly matching the color of his eyes. Maybe he shou-

Wait.

Well that was short lived, Childe thought to himself not knowing if it was frustration or sadness that was causing the knot in his stomach to tighten, gripping his guts with a terribly strong hold. If he had thought the wine lasted for a short amount of time earlier that day, then the wine had only lasted a second that night. Why couldn’t Childe just last a single day without being reminded of or seeing Zhongli? Was it that hard to just want to forget? To just want to be happy?

Childe tore his gaze away from the earrings, turning on his heel to start walking towards the right way home. He couldn’t deal with this tonight. He’d find a better time to sort out his feelings.

But was there ever a right time to sort out feelings?

“Master Childe, I have the date for the next ship leaving for Sneznehya,” Ekaterina called out to him the next morning as Childe entered the bank.

“It’s leaving on Monday at 8. It’ll be the regular monthly trading ship that carries goods between Sneznehya and Liyue,” she explained as Childe sluggishly walked up to her, slight bags under his eyes from the long night before. Oh, that wasn’t too far from then, only about three days away, since it was Friday. So Childe wouldn't have to wait too long to get out of Liyue and forget about everything that the city had put him through. Excitement started to bubble in his stomach but another feeling spread underneath it. Childe tried to pay that other feeling no mind, there was no other way to react to Ekaterina’s words except with excitement. He would finally be free from the inner turmoil he had been feeling for what felt like so long. There was no reason to feel disappointment about the knowledge of what was to come Monday.

But the ache in his chest that afflicted him for the next few hours said otherwise.

“Ah, you’re here.” Childe heard Zhongli’s voice over the mountain wind before he saw him, as he made his way to the spot for their rescheduled lunch.

“Of course. We made a contract didn”t we?” Childe made his way over to Zhongli, who was seated against the wall of a ruin with a blanket and an array of food. In front of him. As he walked over to the sight, Childe could only think of two things: 1. How did that structure even survive the blast of Zhongli’s meteor yesterday? And 2. How was Zhongli able to buy them lunch a second time in a row? Was Xiangling secretly giving him free food or something?

“Did you pay for this?” Childe blurted out once he was seated. Zhongli simply stared at him for a moment, only blinking, before a slight smile was pulling at the edge of his lips and he was pouring a cup of tea for himself.

‘Yes, I did. Make yourself comfortable and I’ll tell you all about it,” he answered as he finished pouring his cup. “Tea?” Zhongli held the pot of tea up, motioning towards another teacup sitting in front of Childe. Childe simply nodded his head, allowing himself to observe the food in front of him. The amount of food in front of them was definitely nowhere near the amount they had when Childe used to pay for their meals, but what normal person could really afford the extravagant meals he barely batted an eye paying for with his harbinger money? The meal in front of them consisted of two bowls of black-back perch stew, jade parcels, and a small helping of squirrel fish, two pairs of chopsticks and utensils next to the food.

When Childe looked up at Zhongli with a questioning gaze at the sight of the utensils, the only reply he got was “I wanted to ensure that you could enjoy our meal to the fullest.” Childe didn’t know if that was the right time to pull out the boxed pair of dragon and phoenix chopsticks sitting in his pocket that he specifically brought for the meal or to make a move for the utensils. He eventually decided on making a move for the spoon and fork.

“Thanks.” Childe fought to keep his voice even, ignoring the way his heart lit up at the fact that Zhongli took the time to make sure Childe would be able to eat his meal proficiently. Zhongli hummed in response, making a move to set up plates of food for them and leaving them in silence. Childe wished he could say it was a comfortable silence but it was anything but that. While Zhongli was busy with their food, not even paying a single visible thought to the harbinger, Childe couldn't steady his racing heart or twitching hands, too worried about what Zhongli was going to say. He could only hope the apology wouldn't take too long. If Childe was lucky, maybe Zhongli would hurry through with his words leaving Childe to be able to scarf down his food and just leave this whole bad memory of a situation behind. It wasn’t as if Zhongli would have a spectacular apology anyways. If he was truly genuine about his words, he would have apologized to Childe weeks ago, not days before he was going to leave Liyue behind forever.

Sensing his distress, a gloved hand made its way onto Childe’s knee, stopping it from bouncing in nervousness and anticipation. The harbinger looked up to see an unidentifiable emotion on Zhongli’s face and their two sets of food set up. Oh, Childe hadn’t even noticed.

“No need to be on edge, I will make my apology a hasty one.” Zhongli gave Childe’s knee a gentle squeeze before pulling his hand away and making a move to start eating his food. Childe tried to ignore the feeling in the back of his mind that wanted that comforting grip right back on his knee. Instead, he tried focusing on eating the food in front of him and preparing himself for inevitable excuses of “I’m sorry” that were going to come out of Zhongli’s mouth.

“As you know, I’ve lived over 6,000 years now. I’ve seen the beginnings of Liyue, I’ve met many people, I’ve lost many friends, and I’ve seen countless sights that no average person has seen.” Childe raised his eyebrows in intrigue. This was an… interesting way to start an apology. Now slightly interested rather than dreading on where this was going, Childe simply shoved a spoonful of his stew in his mouth and focused intensely on Zhongli’s words.

“But one thing has always remained constant in my long life. I have always had time. While mortals see centuries as life spans, centuries for me were just a simple spec of time in my ever growing lifetime. I always believed I could be patient, that there would always be time… Perhaps I had too much time. But that’s exactly what I believed was what I had with you: time. I was so sure that if I just gave you time you would come to forgive me and seek me out. That after time my actions and deceptions would just be another spec in the grand scheme of things. But I’ve come to learn I was wrong.” Zhongli took a break to take a deep breath in and seemingly collect his thoughts. Childe still sat there completely silent, his food now abandoned on the blanket, his attention fully on the man sitting right in front of him.

“It was only a day or two before I showed up at the Northland Bank to apologize that I had the pleasure of spending the day with the traveler. We had worked with a fatui agent and self-proclaimed historian to uncover the truths of the death of Harvia, an ancient god who was lost to the Archon War. Throughout the whole expedition we had found ourselves debating what had truly happened to her. The historian had believed to the end that Morax had killed Harvia and there was nothing I would be able to say to change her mind. It was at the end of our day, when the traveler and myself were standing at the highest point of Guyun Stone Forest, doing a proper parting for Harvia, that it dawned on me. Many of the gods of Liyue have met their demise, and in a way, Rex Lapis has met that same fate. He is no longer alive to inform the people of their misunderstandings of the god. It is up to the people to preserve his legacy and determine what kind of god he was. Was he a merciless war machine or an unmoving rock that his people could depend on? Whatever it is, it is not up to him- no I, to decide that. There’s no Rex Lapis anymore, just Zhongli.” By now Zhongli was looking straight into Childe’s eyes and Childe was staring right back at him, unable to look away. Though, Childe didn’t know if he wanted to look away from that intense gaze of both awareness and true honesty. 

“Zhongli is not a god, he is a man who chose to live among mortals. And with that decision comes the fact that I must understand mortals do not simply wait for the sands of time to brush away their problems. I can not simply sit around and hope you forgive me. I must confront the problem myself and apologize. I am sorry that it has taken me so long to speak these words to you but I sincerely apologize, Childe. It was not my intention to hurt you with my deceit during your time here. I have reflected on my actions and come to understand that what I’ve done has brought you a great amount of pain. But I will spend as much time as I can to make it up to you and more. You have been one of the closest people to me during my time living as a mortal and I would desperately like to keep it that way. Liyue just hasn’t been the same for me without you by my side… I should stop rambling and just simply say it. I am sorry, Childe. More than you could ever know.” Childe hated how much that earnest look on Zhongli’s face made him melt to pieces. He hated how the anger he once had burning in his chest towards Zhongli was water down to cool ashes. He hated how he wanted to reach out and simply make that sad look in his eyes brighten to that joyful look he saw yesterday.

He hated how easily he found himself forgiving Zhongli.

“You do not have to say anything right now or even accept my apology. I just wanted to be able to say those words to you, even if it has taken me much more time that it should have,” Zhongli continued to speak, taking Childe’s silence as a sign that he did not accept the apology in any way.

“No, no it’s not that I just…” Childe quickly shook his head, speaking before he even knew what he was going to say. He just what?

“I just mean, I almost destroyed Liyue Harbor. I guess I did some stuff too…” What the hell was he saying? Words were coming out of Childe’s mouth before he could figure out just how utterly stupid they sounded. He waited weeks, over a month, to hear a half baked “sorry” from Zhongli yet instead he found himself with a well thought out apology from the man and even apologizing himself the tiniest bit. Childe must’ve gone off the deep end. He truly must have. Because who in their right mind would be allowing this to happen when they were going to abandon all of this in a couple of days?

Childe’s stomach suddenly dropped in dread. Oh right. He was leaving Liyue on Monday. Rather than bring him joy, it just brought him a deep feeling of despair. Or maybe rather a sense of impending doom. Especially when Zhongli had that smile on his face once again and was looking at Childe as if he was the sun instead of the ex-archon.

“If you’re trying to apologize, there’s no need. I truly believe it was me who led you astray. But we could debate who’s fault it is for all of eternity and not come to a conclusion. Shall we just enjoy our meal instead if it is alright with you?” Childe simply nodded his head and let the fake smile plastered on his face speak for him. He didn’t have it in his heart to tell Zhongli that this, that the newly rekindled friendship between them and the joyful moments, would be gone by Monday.

Later that day, when the moon was high in the sky and the bright afternoon light was now a dark veil painted with specs of illuminating light, Childe sat at his kitchen table once again. He could forget it all. He could down the whole bottle and walk out of Liyue. Abandon the city and just lose himself to the streets of Teyvat with not a care for his fate. But Childe knew it was ridiculous, a fleeting thought that he would forget about in the morning, after one cup of wine or no cups of wine.

It was tempting though, to drink a sip of the wine and forget about the day’s earlier events. To forget that there was no real reason to this whole charade anymore and he would just drink himself to his own doom. But the boat to Sneznyaha was going to leave soon and Childe already had plans to leave, even if he could not find malice for Zhongli anymore.

It would just be easier to drink the wine and forget about Zhongli until Monday. But what was stopping Childe from remembering? No matter where he went in Liyue, he would be reminded of Zhongli in one way or another. It was a useless attempt at forgetting. Childe was truly powerless until he left. He only had two options, live in distress until Monday or visit that shopkeeper and try to find out what that “other solution” she had was. Neither option sounded too appealing.

Childe stood up from the table, grabbed the wine bottle and the glass before putting them on the kitchen counter, then made his way to his room. He would figure it out the next day. For now he would try to sleep his problems away. Even if it meant those glowing amber eyes would plague his mind once again.

Chapter Text

Childe jolted up immediately as he heard the door to his house open. What the hell? Who was in his house?

The early morning sunlight shone over him and his newly formed water blades as he carefully removed himself from his bed, willing himself to be as silent as humanly possible. Careful to not make the floorboard creak under his feet, he made his way out of his bedroom and into the hallway leading to the living room. Once at the end of the hallway, Childe prepared himself to pounce on whatever intruder was invading his home.

Ready to strike, Childe leaped out from the hallway, blades pointed out in a threatening manner.

Zhongli didn’t even bat an eye at a weapon being pointed at him and decided to wave instead. This couldn't be real.

“Ah, you’re awake. Good morning,” Zhongli greeted as if he hadn’t just broken into Childe’s house.

“What the fuck, Zhongli!” Childe exclaimed, almost believing he was delusional for how he was the only treating the situation with any seriousness. Maybe this was his punishment from the archons. As if the dreams he constantly had about Zhongli weren't enough, now he was imagining the man showing up at his house! Zhongli simply stared down at the blade still pointed at him, an almost confused expression on his face.

“I have to ask, is this a new Snezhnayan greeting that I am unaware of?” Realizing that he was still aiming a weapon at Zhongli, Childe dematerialized his blades but his weariness was still apparent. This could not be real. This was too ridiculous.

“You broke into my house!” Zhongli tilted his head at the harbinger’s words, the look of confusion now more visible on his face.

“I knocked multiple times but you didn’t wake up so I just used the door. Should I come back at another time?” Childe wanted to bang his head against the nearest wall. For as smart as Zhongli could be, he really did have rocks for a brain sometimes.

“How did you even get in? No, why are you here?” He decided on asking, just wanting answers at this point. He had only decided to forgive Zhongli yesterday. Childe had no clue how that leads to Zhongli thinking it was okay to break into his house.

“I used the key you gave me? If you recall it was a few months ago. You had said I’m welcomed here anytime I wanted to come.” Oh. Childe did actually vaguely remember something like that happening. Definitely a time before Childe knew who Zhongli actually was, though. Why the heck would Zhongli still have the key thought after a month of them avoiding each other, though? If it were Childe, he would have thrown the key into the ocean and called it a day. Though Zhongli wasn’t Childe. He had the patience of a saint. Childe could only guess that's what happens when you live for 6 millennia. 

But living for 6,000 years didn’t explain why Zhongli was in his house at the crack of dawn!

“I came to return your scarf, though it seems I may not be welcomed here. I apologize, I had believed we were on good terms after yesterday but I must’ve read the situation wrong. I’ll just leave this here and leave,” Zhongli said as he mistook Childe’s surprise for unwelcomeness, a disappointed look in his eyes. It was just as Zhongli placed the red piece of fabric on the arms of one of the living room couches when Childe spoke.

“No, no it’s not that. We’re on good terms I’m just… confused? You came here to return my scarf? I thought it was gone after our battle.” Childe looked at the scarf seated on the arm of the couch, confusion now taking over his surprise. Was poofing out lost clothing items back into existence after they get destroyed by meteors a godly power that Childe was unaware of? Because as far as Childe knew, that meteor impact was enough to blow off anything not rooted to the ground off the mountain. How his scarf was now back in his house and as good as new was beyond him.

“Yesterday as I was walking down the mountain after our lunch, I noticed a red piece of fabric stuck in a branch of a bush at the bottom of the mountain. I assume the impact of our battle blew it off Mt. Tianheng. I recognized it as your scarf and retrieved it. I didn't want to return your scarf in a dirty state so I washed it . But there was so much work to finish up at the funeral parlour that it would've been too late to return it to you by the time I was done,” the man explained.

“So you came before the sun had fully risen?” Childe asked brazenly. Zhongli had the audacity to look somewhat sheepish at the question, just now realizing what a ridiculous time it was to return a scarf on a Saturday. Oh what was he supposed to do with this man?

“Now that I think about it, it is still a pretty early time to appear at someone’s house. I apologize, I’m still getting used to how mortals manage their rest,” he apologized, still standing straight and proper in the middle of Childe’s living room, the embarrassed expression still on his face. The harbinger let out a little snicker at the sight and the situation. What the hell was going on this morning? First Zhongli broke into his house to return a measly scarf and now his well put together self was standing in the middle of the mess of his house. It was most definitely an amusing sight, almost endearing. It was almost enough to make Childe’s heart flutter especially when Zhongli gave him a curious yet questioning expression.

“It’s nothing.” Childe shook his head in response to the expression, a fond smile forming on his lips before changing the subject. There was no time to admire- no, think about Zhongli like this. It would just end in feelings of bittersweetness for Childe. “Though I’m wondering, have you even had breakfast yet? It’s so early.”

“Ah, no. I didn’t consider the idea of having breakfast this morning since I was preoccupied with returning your scarf,” Zhongli answered. Childe couldn't even find himself the least bit surprised at the fact that Zhongli forgot to eat breakfast. He let out a soft sigh before responding.

“Of course you didn’t. Well did you want to stay for breakfast? I was about to make food,” he offered, trying not to think about the fact that he indeed was not about to make breakfast and would still be fast asleep if it were not for Zhongli. Well, it was too late to take his words back without seeming like a complete asshole if he hadn't already for the past few days. Plus, would one breakfast really hurt anyone? Childe wouldn't remember the meal in a few days and Zhongli would probably forget about it in a few years of time.

Yes, it would hurt someone.

“I wouldn't want to intrude… but if you find it to be no bother then yes, I would love to stay for breakfast.” And how was Childe supposed to say no to that small yet graceful smile on Zhongli’s lips that lit up Childe’s heart at just the sight of it? If it meant seeing that smile everyday, perhaps he would have rethought his plans to ditch Liyue… Childe was not serious about that thought.

“Nope, no bother at all! I’ll go start making it now then.” He walked over to the kitchen only stopping to look around and check his suspicions. And yep. Zhongli was still standing there like a sore thumb, not moved from his spot. Childe let out another lighthearted laugh before making his way over to Zhongli. With a light grip on his shoulder, Childe led the other man to one of the sofas in the living room.

“There’s no need to stand around so rigidly. You can make yourself comfortable, you know.” Childe let out a little huff with no malice behind it before turning around and heading back to the kitchen. Though he had not turned around quick enough to miss the fond smile on Zhongli’s face that was not unlike the one Childe had earlier.

Archons, Zhongli was making it harder and harder to leave Liyue by the minute. Childe should've just kicked him out of his house while he still had the chance.

“I must admit, I never knew you were such a skilled chef,” Zhongli spoke as the two of them ate their breakfast, a simple Snezhnayan dish, at the kitchen table.

“Of course I am! My siblings love my cooking, especially Tonia. Jeez, that girl can inhale food when she’s hungry! Though Tuecer and Anthon aren't too far behind in just how messy they are when they eat. I hope they’ve learned to improve their manners while I’ve been gone...” Childe let himself trail off, a wistful expression now laying on his face as he turned his head to look out the window above his kitchen counter that he had looked out of for a few nights in a row. Zhongli also turned to look in the same direction, a thoughtful expression now taking over his face. The two of them sat in a moment of silence, just observing the morning sky, the sun fully risen now. It was the same sky, Childe thought to himself. The sky was the same in Liyue and Snezhnaya. Him and his siblings were looking at the same sky even if they were thousands of miles apart. And one day soon, him and Zhongli would be looking at the same sky, even if one of them wasn't in Liyue anymore.

“Have you considered visiting them?” Zhongli asked, breaking the silence. Childe looked back over to Zhongli, who’s gaze was still focused on the morning sky. That was good. That meant that he couldn't see the way Childe’s expression screwed up into guilt at the sentence. It wasn’t as if Childe should have felt guilty; There was no reason to. His time in Liyue was coming to an end, he knew this. Childe was a harbinger before anything else, there was no possible way in reality that he would be able to stay in Liyue forever even if Zhongli never lied to his face and Childe wasn’t drinking away his memories. At least that was what he tried telling himself as he responded.

“Yes, actually. I was planning on going back to Snezhnaya.” Childe decided to just admit the truth. As much as he wanted to lie to Zhongli’s face and leave without a word, he couldn't bring himself to lie. He knew what being lied to felt like. The suffocating pain that squeezed your chest as you found out everything that you believed to be the truth was all just fiction, a story made by someone else to make you the fool. Childe just wanted to go home, not get revenge for lying. At this point, he couldn't even find himself mad at the lies anymore. If only Zhongli’s apology was only half as bad as Childe believed it would have been, maybe just maybe he’d be able to live the rest of his days in Liyue without such conflicting emotions.

“Well more than that actually,” Childe vaguely attempted to clarify, talking over his thoughts. He couldn't bear to deal with such thoughts anymore. If he worried anymore about the next few days, he felt as if he was going to self combust. Jeez, why did he have to be the harbinger stuck in such a complicated situation?

“Oh? As an extended vacation or…” Zhongli turned his gaze back to Childe, an unreadable expression even for the usual stoic man on his face. Childe felt sick to his stomach.

“It’s permanent. I figured it’s time I left Liyue by now. I’ve been here for much too long, don’t you think?” Childe continued on. He had already started, there was no use in covering up the cold hard facts now.

“Not long enough I’d say, but perhaps I’m biased,” Zhongli replied with an equal amount of honesty, causing Childe to almost recoil at the words. Now Zhongli wanted to be completely honest with him?

“Ah, I see. The rest of the people here would have to disagree with you unfortunately,” Childe attempted to reply humorously but fell short. Zhongli hummed in response to his words, now looking out the window again, the unreadable expression still on his face. Childe almost had half the mind to tell Zhongli he was joking right then and there. To say anything to wipe that expression off of his face and replace it with the one that shone under the afternoon sun the day before. But they both knew that if Childe went back on his words now, it would just be useless lies.

“I leave Monday.” Zhongli visibly flinched at those words but neither of the pair commented on it.

“This Monday?” Zhongli’s gaze looked back at Childe, his voice almost too calm.

“Yeah, so in two days.” By now the two had abandoned their food for the moment, Childe opting to look down at the table instead of looking at the man seated across from him. A moment of silence had passed before Zhongli responded, his tone much quieter.

“I have to admit, I’ll miss you.” Childe held his gaze on the table, willing himself to not look up at Zhongli. It was both awfully tempting and an unbearable idea to see what expression Zhongli had on his face. Would he still have that unreadable expression planted on to his features? Or would he have his usual stoic look on his face? Or maybe he’d have that same frown on his lips that was on them that time he tried to apologize to Childe in the bank? Maybe there’d even be tears this time.

Ignoring every warning not too, Childe lifted his gaze up to only be met with an unexpected expression. A soft smile laid on Zhongli’s lips, his eyes still on Childe.

“But I understand the longing for home and the one’s close to you. I wish you luck with your travels. It is true that I will miss your presence but I do treasure the time we got to spend together. I will continue to remember our time together for many years to come.” The smile on Zhongli’s face faltered slightly, easily missed if one blinked. But Childe didn’t miss it. His eyes remained steady on the man in front of him who’s composure was being held together by a thread.

Childe wanted to throw up. He wanted to do many things in that moment for a matter of fact. He wanted to grab that bottle of wine and down all of its contents down in a single gulp. He wanted to grab that bottle of wine and smash it down to the ground. He wanted to stand up and leave the room. He wanted to lean over the table, fuck the breakfast and all, and just kiss that fake smile off of Zhongli’s lips. He wanted to storm out of the house and kill that shopkeeper. He wanted to find that shopkeeper and shake her until she told him why she gave him such a miserable drink. He wanted to scream to celestia and beyond to just strike him down right now. He wanted to curl into a ball and weep until his throat felt raw from all his sobs. Until his eyes had no more tears left to cry and he was only a husk of a person.

He wanted anything but this.

“I have to say, I’ll miss you too, Zhongli.” The smile on Zhongli’s face finally dropped back into that unreadable expression as his shoulders slumped down by the slightest bit. Childe hated that expression the most. It looked unnatural on the man’s beautiful features. Even sadness had looked like it belonged on his face but this, this expression did not. It looked as if Zhongli had witnessed the world destroyed at his feet, turned into a lifeless void to leave him forever alone.

Childe hated that even in all his despair and misery, Zhongli still looked like a treasure from the heavens. He hated that Zhongli was a glowing light in his life that would soon be snuffed out due to Childe’s own doing.

“I need help debt collecting tonight,” Childe suddenly blurted out, wanting to change the subject to anything else that would make them be able to move past this miserable conversation even if it was only temporarily.

“Oh?” Zhongli’s expression quickly disappeared back into his usual neutral face as the mood speedily changed. Good good, Childe could work with this better. Avoiding very important feelings and conversations was one of his many specialties.

“Yeah I was supposed to deal with him yesterday but I got caught up with something.” Childe made sure not to mention that “something” was dealing with memory loss due to drinking shady wine. “So I’ll have to get him tonight. And since you’re already here and enjoy contracts and stuff… What I’m trying to say is that your help would be very much appreciated.” Oh another lie from the hypocrite Childe himself. Debt collecting was his literal job, he most  definitely did not need help and Zhongli knew this.

“Of course. You know you only have to ask and I’ll be there,” Zhongli said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, earning a relieved nod from Childe. Good, Zhongli wanted to keep the charade of Childe not being able to do his job up also.

“Well, here’s all the information on this guy. Mr. Chen’s his name and he’s the owner of a newspaper stand. I’ve actually had a run in with him before,” Childe explained as he pulled the paper out from his pocket, placing it by Zhongli’s plate. He simply nodded in response, focused on the information Childe provided him.

“It’s kind of funny actually what happened. I just wanted a newspaper and this guy ended up getting an entire crowd to hate on me instead. I was lucky Xiangling was there to save me,” Childe explained, the story very obviously not funny. Zhongli continued to stare at Childe, very much not laughing.

“Anyways, that’s besides the point. So you’re free to meet me here later tonight?” The two men began to plan their late night activity, Childe ecstatic at the opportunity for some physical action and Zhongli interested at correcting a wrong doing of a contract. The conversation of Childe’s departure was not brought up again during that breakfast but it still hung heavy at the back of both of their mind’s.

It was hard to believe that the prim and proper man standing in his doorway was possibly going to help him murder someone, Childe thought to himself as he opened the door to the sight of Zhongli much later that night.

“You ready?” Childe asked, getting a nod in return. Well if they were prepared, no use standing around. Soon enough, the pair was walking off into the late night moonlight of the streets of Liyue, strolling as if they were not on the way to “collect” debt.

“The house shouldn’t be too far. We’ll probably be in and out. According to Ekaterina’s information, this guy lives alone so nothing too difficult,” Childe commented in an attempt to make conversation. He was not going to give his mind even a chance to think of negative thoughts right now.

“Well that’s good, it wouldn't do either of us well to stay up all night without any sleep,” Zhongli responded.

“You need sleep now?” Childe asked in curiosity. As far as he knew, gods didn't have much of a need for sleep but perhaps with the removal of his gnosis…

“Well no, not necessarily. But if I am to live as a mortal, I must practice mortal tasks, even sleep.” Zhongli did not look the most delighted at the word sleep, an almost grimace on his face.

“Huh? You don’t look too happy at the aspect of sleeping,” Childe observed, making sure to keep an eye on their surroundings as they were talking. Mr. Chen’s house wasn't too far away by that point.

“Well no, it’s a waste of precious time,” Zhongli said with exasperation. “But i’ve come to find that many mortal activities and customs aren't the most efficient. Especially mora…”

“Mora? Are you sure that mora truly is inefficient or that you just suck at handling your money still?” Childe teased, not missing the slight downturn of Zhongli’s lips as he looked away.

“I have paid for our last two meals,” Zhongli argued back, the two of them silent for a moment afterwards as Childe waited for a “but”.

“But…” Ah there it was. “I have to admit that I do find mora very difficult to handle still. It was much easier to manage my money when I still had my gnosis.” Childe stared at the man blankly for a moment, half expecting him to come out and say that it was a joke.

“Of course you would be able to manage your mora with your gnosis, you had an endless surplus of mora at your disposal!” Zhongli tilted his head slightly, a finger now placed on his chin.

“Well yes, that is true. I can’t help but feel lost without it sometimes.” Zhongli’s voice took on a more melancholy tone. Childe didn't like the direction this was going. He didn't know if he could handle another depressing conversation with Zhongli today. But at this point, he should've known that an outing with Zhongli couldn't be absolutely positive or happy. Childe was basically a magnet for sadness at this point, his day not complete unless he frequently questioned his choices as of lately and always looked at Zhongli with a bittersweet feeling in his chest. There was no reason to be surprised at the turn this night took.

“Do you regret giving away your gnosis?” Childe asked, desperately hoping Zhongli’s answer was no. He had no idea how he was supposed to react to an answer like that. Even if they had mostly come to a recoliation, Childe was still a harbinger at the end of the day. It would’ve been quite awkward if Zhongli said he wish he still had the gnosis since that kind of went against Childe’s job description at the moment. To his relief, Zhongli shook his head.

“No it’s not that. It’s rather, I’m still confused on what I’m supposed to do now that I’m no longer serving the common folk. A millennia ago I had adepti and gods at my side, there to help my every need. But now as I walk the streets as simply Zhongli, I’ve found myself more lost than I’ve ever been in a city I helped to build. I still do wish to live as a mortal but I don’t think I know how to.” Childe gave Zhongli a sympathetic look, not exactly knowing how to respond to that. What do you say to a god who has willingly fallen from his grace, only to not know how to be human? What do you say to a god who has truly known no other place than home? What do you say to a god that stands alone? Childe certainly didn’t know the answer.

“You’re lonely,” Childe stated. It wasn't a question, it was a fact. As Zhongli stood before Childe, he stood alone. He stood in a city that had moved past the need for him anymore and where almost no one knew who he was. The ones who knew the full identity of Zhongli were either long gone or miles and miles away in a far off city.

“Yes, I am,” Zhongli replied. “I stand in the streets of Liyue and simply see the past rather than the future. I chose to live this way yet I still can't figure it out. I suppose the past has a stronger grip on me than I previously believed.” Childe knew that feeling well enough. The past leaving its bruises inked on your skin like a tattoo, even after you had broken from its tight grip. He knew it from the way he still remembered the abyss when the stars were not particularly bright in the sky one night. He knew it from the way that he still stood in Liyue for so long when his business had been long finished in the city. He knew it from the way that even if he was ready to let go of everything that had happened in the past year, he still couldn't help but hesitate whenever he caught the sight of Zhongli.

But unlike Childe, Zhongli had lived for 6,000 years. He had seen countless memories that most beings could only hope to witness in their wildest dreams. If letting go of the past was difficult for Childe, it had to be near impossible for Zhongli.

Perhaps Zhongli should've been the one to drink the wine and just leave Liyue, Childe thought to himself only half seriously. 

Wait.

That wasn't a terrible idea, minus the wine part. Childe would never wish the pain of having the decision to forget or not that he had on to other. However, the leaving part of Childe’s plan for his near future was not such a bad idea. Why not just leave a place that only brings you bad memories and sad nostalgia? Though Childe knew that it was easier said than done. He had only spent a year in Liyue and it was hard to let go. He could never imagine leaving home after 6,000 years. But still, it wasn’t such a bad idea...

“Why not just leave then?” Childe simple asked. He had expected Zhongli to answer immediately with a “no.” To tell Childe that that was a crazy suggestion and he would never leave a place he had lived at for so long. But instead Zhongli took on a pensive expression, seriously giving thought to the suggestion.

“Perhaps, but I would have to give it some thought. Liyue has always been my home and it would be hard to simply leave. Especially on my own as a mortal. Maybe I’d start out with a vacation,” Zhongli had finally decided on saying. Oh? That hadn’t been entirely the answer that Childe had been expecting. No it wasn't the answer Childe had expected at all. For all he knew, Childe had believed that Zhongli would never part with Liyue, except not anytime soon. Yet now, Zhongli was seriously considering it, his mind visibly working at two hundred miles an hour.

Childe let out a sigh. Perhaps he shouldn't have suggested that. It was honestly just a throw away question, not an actual query to ponder on. For one thing, what if Zhongli really did leave Liyue and ended up at Snezhnaya somehow? Childe wouldn't even know what reason Zhongli would have to go to Snezhnaya, yet knowing Childe’s luck, he’d go there for some random vacation and happen to stumble upon the younger man. Childe already had enough of being reminded of Zhongli at the worst of times in Liyue, he didn't need that happening in his own home nation. Where could he run off to at that point and wipe his memory again if Zhongli showed up?

Then there was the second, more present concern. Zhongli was thinking too hard about Childe’s question right then. Even if Childe had not truly known every part of Zhongli’s identity until recently, he knew for a fact that he was over analyzing Childe’s question. He hadn't meant for it to be an urgent question to be answered right there on the spot. Zhongli needed to know that he could wait to make a decision. That he could wait until the summer winds turned into the cool autumn breeze. That he could wait until he was truly ready to abandon the identity of Rex Lapis and forever live as Zhongli to finally leave the nest. Even if it went against everything Childe was as a person, he knew Zhongli had to be patient. Patient enough to truly know what he wanted and where he wanted to be, no matter how fast or long it took him to figure that out.

Perhaps, Childe should’ve taken his own advice.

“That sounds like a good idea. But honestly, Zhongli, you have time to figure it out. Sure mortals don't have all the time in the world but there's still time to take a breather and think about what you want. Whether that's in Liyue or somewhere else.” Zhongli nodded at that, taking in every word that Childe said with importance. It was almost amusing, the whole situation. It was always Zhongli telling Childe helpful advice or telling him tales of Liyue but now here Childe was, telling Zhongli just what it meant to be a mortal. Though Childe had a feeling he himself didn't even know what it truly meant.

Oh how life could truly take you for a ride sometimes.

“You are correct. Though maybe I will wake up tomorrow or another day and come to find out that I never truly wanted to leave Liyue and was only lonely. Maybe I will come to find out that the reason for wanting to leave was a different reason.” An unreadable expression not too unlike the one he had on his face in the morning showed up on Zhongli’s features. Childe had opened his mouth to question what Zhongli had even meant by that but was cut short when he caught sight of their destination. If it hadn’t been for Zhongli also catching sight of the house, the harbinger would've had half the mind to make them do an extra lap around the block just to be able to ask Zhongli what he had meant by wanting to leave for a different reason.

“It seems we have arrived,” Zhongli spoke. “What are we to do now?” But it seemed like the time for questions would be later. Pushing Zhongli’s words to the back of his head, Childe began to instruct Zhongli on what they were doing.

“Find our way in. You search the left side of the house and I’ll search the right side for any open windows or such. Worse comes to worst, we just break a window or kick this guy’s door down.”Zhongli gave a nod in response before the two of them split up, examining their respective sides of the house. Childe could only hope they found a feasible way of entering. As much as he enjoyed causing a stir, it was much more satisfying to watch his victims’ squirm in fear when Childe silently walked out from the shadows rather than a noisy entrance. To his dismay though, Childe hadn’t found a single opening, just a couple of closed windows. He could only hope that Zhongli had better luck when they finally met again at the back of the house.

“Any luck?” Zhongli shook his head at Childe’s question, causing the younger one to sigh. Well there went a little bit of fun for Childe’s night. At least Zhongli’s presence could make it all the more bearable for now.

“Well, guess we’re doing it the hard way,” Childe had said before they found themselves back at the front of the house, examining a large window next to the front door. It looked big enough for them to get in through unscathed if they were careful enough and wasn’t too far from the ground. It was probably the easiest entrance they were going to find.

“This looks like the one it’ll have to be. I’d stand back a little bit,” Childe warned Zhongli as he pulled water from thin air, courtesy of his vision. Once the man was a few steps behind Childe, the harbinger threw the water towards the window in shapes of sharp blades with a strength unlike the blades he usually fought with.

Childe cringed when the glass shattered, the window making a sound loud enough to not only wake up the man inside but maybe the whole neighborhood. Well so much for stealth. He could only hope that  the two of them would be in and out before the millieth came, ready to have their heads.

Hastily the pair climbed through the window, careful to avoid the broken glass. Once he had his feet on the floor, Childe took a chance to examine his surroundings. It wasn't an extravagant house based on the room they were in. It was a simple living room with few decorations such as a painting, vase, plant, and other likewise items that could be visible under the moonlight.

“We should get mo-” Childe had begun to whisper to Zhongli before footsteps sounded through the house. The pair only had a chance to exchange alarmed glances before Mr. Chen was in the living room, his face pale with panic. His eyes looked over Zhongli before making their way to Childe. It was at the sight of the harbinger that Mr. Chen’s expression contorted from fear to recognition to anger.

“You Fatui scum! How dare you continue to terrorize me? I’ll have your head before even the millieth can get here!” The man shouted as his hand came to grip around the living room vase before chucking it towards Childe. The harbinger had only a moment to try to dodge, the vase hitting his left shoulder, causing it to shatter. The only sign of pain Childe let out was a small hiss as he tried to ignore the way his shoulder felt as if it was on fire. If he had to guess, he’d say that some of the debris from the glass was digging into his skin. But that was unimportant. As long as his shoulder was still working, he would be fine. The pain could be solved later, for now he had a debt to be collected.

“Childe, are you ok?” Concern laced Zhongli’s face, his eyes flickering between the injured man and Mr. Chen.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It barely hit me.” Childe gave one last look to Zhongli before the hydro blades appeared in his hands, turning his gaze to look at Mr. Chen.

“I hope you have the money to make up for that little stunt, Mr. Chen. I would have already been worried if I was you and purposely not paying my loans,” Childe started, not missing the way Mr. Chen’s face changed from fury back into that cold and true fearful look before he continued to talk. “And don’t get me started on what I'd do if I saw not one but two men break into my house in the middle of the night for that same debt. Yet you sir, still find it upon yourself to try to attack us? Care to explain where this bravery came from?” Childe took focused steps towards the man, his injured arm coming to grip the collar of Mr. Chen’s shirt as his other one still carried a weapon.

The man put his hands up in surrender, shaking his head frantically as incomparable babbles left his lips. Childe simply rolled his eyes as he continued walking forward, pushing the older man against the wall.

“Ok, well if you’re so uneager to answer my first question, maybe you'll be more inclined to answer this one.” Childe brought his blade up to the man’s neck, barely a centimeter away from tearing his skin.

“Where’s the money for your debt?” Mr. Chen continued to shake in Childe’s tight grasp, shaking his head as he mumbled phrases such as “Please”, “No”, “Don’t kill me”, and all of those other boring phrases Childe heard all the time. The harbinger let out an annoyed huff, his impatience growing by the second.

“I’ll ask again Mr. Chen,” Childe pushed the blade closer to his neck causing it to the nick the skin. “Where’s the money?” He mentally counted to the number ten, watching as the man blubbered and squirmed under him. It was when he got to ten and the man still had not given him an intelligible answer that he tightened his grip on the blade, ready to slash the man’s neck open then and there. He was not going to spend another second listening to a man who knew exactly what he was doing while skipping those payments cry and sob when confronted by it.

“Childe, wait,” Zhongli’s voice sounded just before Childe could make the move to strike Mr. Chen down. Childe looked over to Zhongli, obvious confusion showing on the harbinger’s face.

“Perhaps, you shouldn’t kill him,” he suggested to Childe’s dismay.

“Huh?” Childe had half the mind to cut down the man who was backed against the wall but restrained himself. If Zhongli was hesitant to kill a man who broke a contract… well, Childe could only say he had a little trust in the God of Contracts’ judgement even if Childe wasn’t sure if he fully agreed yet.

“It will not bode well with the Liyue people if a Fatui harbinger cut a man down in his home at this current time, even with a broken contract.” Zhongli looked over to Childe, that unexplainable glint from earlier in his eyes again. The harbinger continued to look at Zhongli in confusion, still trying to figure out the point he was making. Maybe Childe would have been more concerned about his reputation in Liyue if he wasn't leaving in two days.

“If you will not do it for yourself, do it for your subordinates. Even if you will not remain here, the workers at the bank still have to deal with the consequences of what happens if this man is killed,” Zhongli continued, almost as if he was reading Childe’s mind. “Also, I’m sure this… warning is more than enough to ensure Mr. Chen will follow through with his side of the contract.” The harbinger kept his eyes on Zhongli for a moment longer before looking over at Mr. Chen, terror still stricken on the older man’s face. Zhongli wasn’t wrong, Childe knew that but still… it was hard to let go of old methods. Leaving the man in front of him could cause more problems than not. But murdering him in cold blood could also cause even more issues for the workers at Northland Bank. As much as Childe enjoyed causing a stir, he knew where to draw the line between screwing up himself and screwing up his coworkers. And he did not find it in his best mind to leave a mess for the bank workers to be left to clean up when Childe abandoned Liyue.

“I will expect a payment to the bank to repay your debt to be made by the end of next week. If you are even a penny short of the required amount for your payment, I personally will make my way back here and drive this blade into your skull,” Childe hissed, pressing the blade of his weapon slightly more into the skin of the man’s neck. “Nod if you understand.” Mr. Chen hastily nodded his head, blood running in a tiny stream down his neck.

With an aggravated huff, Childe dematerialized the blade and let go of his grip on the man’s collar. The harbinger then stood up, leaving a shaking and distrubed man to slide down to the ground, before turning to leave the house, Zhongli not too far behind.

“Why are you so concerned about my reputation in Liyue? We both know you don't care about what happens to my subordinates. I’m leaving in two days, it doesn’t matter what people think of me. I could’ve struck that man down,” Childe talked in a heated tone once the two of them left the premises. Zhongli gave Childe a thoughtful stare before responding with a simple question.

“Why did you not kill that man then, if you're leaving so soon? Surely my words are not anywhere near enough to change your actions in this situation.” The pair held their eye contact for a moment, silence following Zhongli’s words. There were many responses Childe could've given Zhongli in that moment. Perhaps he could have lied and said that he didn’t care about Zhongli’s words and was planning on sparring the man anyways. Or perhaps he could have told the truth and just told Zhongli that his words were enough to change Childe’s actions. That Childe trusted Zhongli’s advice more than he’d like to admit. Or maybe he could had just laid it all out on the table and admitted that a part of him truly didn’t want to leave Liyue. But before Childe could answer, Zhongli was already speaking again.

“But to answer your question, one can only truly repay their debt if they are alive.” Oh, that sounded reasonable, Childe thought to himself as Zhongli took an almost nervous pause and a gloomy frown appeared on his lips.

“Also, even if you never return to Liyue, I can’t help but want to protect your reputation here. I would find it much more tolerable if the people on the streets did not associate anymore fear with your name, even if one day I do leave Liyue.” Childe almost tripped over his own feet, a dumbfounded expression now on his face. How could Zhongli just say something like that? Or rather, why would Zhongli say something like that? At the end of the day, he was a god. He’s seen countless people come and go, Childe was no different. Yet, why was Zhongli so concerned with the memory of Childe? Why was it that after everything, he always showed his concern for Childe above so much else?

“Why do you care so much?” Childe stopped his stroll as he asked a question that had been plaguing his mind all day. Why was it that Zhongli now stuck to his side like glue? Why was it that Zhongli was so concerned with his departure? Why did Zhongli look at him so much with that solemn expression now? Somewhere in the back of his mind, in the deepest part of his soul, Childe knew the answer. Perhaps he had always known why but refused to admit it, even to himself. Yet now, in that moment, Childe was about to be forced to see the full truth of the situation. The truth that perhaps Zhongli had always cared more than Childe believed. The truth of what Zhongli felt towards him.

It was then that Zhongli also stopped walking, that same solemn expression on his face. The man took a few steps towards Childe, his hand coming up to place on Childe’s shoulder. Really, Zhongli was only but so far away from Childe. There in the moonlight of Liyue’s night, Zhongli stood but just a foot away from him, cor lapis eyes illuminated by the moon’s glow. It was a painfully beautiful sight, Childe could admit to himself. A fallen god in all his divine grace, truly only focused on the man in front of him. The gaze he laid on Childe making it seem as if Childe was the true divine being, and Zhongli was just his loyal disciple. And Childe didn’t want to look away.

“Childe, I-” He didn’t get too far with his words before Childe winced in pain once the man’s hand landed on his left shoulder. Zhongli immediately ripped his hand away, an apology on his lips before Childe watched him catch sight of the red liquid on his hand. Oh yeah, he had forgotten about that.

“You’re injured,” Zhongli stated, his eyes still on the blood smeared on his palm.

“Ah, yeah. Looks like I forgot about that, whoops,” Childe said almost sheepishly as if he hadn't been expecting Zhongli to confess his love a moment ago. Zhongli gave him a look of concern before he let out a slightly exasperated sigh.

“Let’s get you to the doctor then.” Zhongli started walking in the direction of the Bubu Pharmacy, only turning around when he noticed Childe wasn’t following him.

“It’s just a tiny scratch, we don’t need to go to the doctor’s. It’s the middle of the night!” He protested, doing his best to ignore the way his shoulder stung now with his attention on the injury. Zhongli continued to blankly stare at Childe, a silent protest evident in the air. After a moment of their standoff Childe finally gave in, letting out an aggravated huff.

“Fine, fine. I’m coming.” Childe caught up to the other man before they began walking to the pharmacy. Wow, Childe had really become soft. It had only taken an “I’m sorry” and now Childe was putty in Zhongli’s hands. But did it really matter? He would be leaving soon anyways. Childe could look at it as a tiny reward before leaving Liyue for good. A tiny reward for not drinking his problems away in an entire whopping twenty-four hours.

“I’m glad you’ve finally decided to listen to reason,” Zhongli broke Childe out of his thoughts, the slightest teasing smirk on his lips. Childe instantly looked away.

This man was going to be the cause of his downfall. And not in a good way.

“Oh, you’re back,” Baizhu stated as Childe and Zhongli walked into the pharmacy, the building empty except for the three of them. Zhongli gave Childe a curious stare at the comment, the younger man pretending to not see the expression. He did not even want to begin to try to make up an excuse for the last couple of days to Zhongli. But of course, in perfect Baizhu fashion, pushing Childe’s buttons wasn't enough. Stomping them down until they would not pop back up was more like him.

“Still having those memory problems?” Zhongli’s stare continued to burn its way onto Childe’s skin, the curious expression turning into something between the range of concern and bewilderment. He still refused to even spare a glance at Zhongli. If he couldn't see his problems, they couldn't see him.

“Nope, I have glass in my shoulder now, actually,” motioning with his good arm towards his injured shoulder.

“Oh, I see,” Baizhu commented with a raise of his eyebrows, but didn’t push the topic further. So now he wanted to be silent?

“Well, let’s get you patched up then.” Baizhu began to walk to the room Childe had been treated in a couple of days ago, the pair following behind. Zhongli’s eyes were no longer on Childe and instead focused in front of him, his face completely neutral now. Childe could only hope that Zhongli wouldn't press the topic as the trio walked into the separate room.

But of course knowing Childe’s luck, Baizhu had to momentarily leave the room after examining Childe’s shoulder to grab a roll of bandages, leaving him and Zhongli alone. Childe nervously bounced his leg, not too different than the motion he had done during his and Zhongli’s lunch the day before, waiting for the man to say something as he remained sitting down on the examination table. But unlike the day before, a comforting grip didn’t land on Childe’s knee to calm him down. Instead Zhongli silently stood on the right side of the room, his eyes focused on something that must've been beyond reality. It was only a few more seconds until Childe finally gave in and broke the silence.

“Aren’t you going to ask me about it?” Zhongli turned his head to the left to look at Childe, no longer having that spacing out look in his eyes.

“You seemed to not want to be bothered about it. So I assumed it would be better if I remained silent about the subject,” he responded, an almost carefully neutral tone to his voice. Childe pondered on the reply for a moment. It wasn't wrong that he didn't want to be bothered about the subject but at the same time, it was almost more aggravating that Zhongli had refused to say anything, leaving them in a terribly awkward silence.

“Yeah, you're right. I don’t know why I brought it up. Forget I said anything.” Childe looked towards the ground willing that the short conversation would disappear from his mind in the morning. Well if worse came to worse, he could always just down the wine. Though that probably wasn't the smartest idea knowing his history with the drink. It was when Childe felt those cor lapis eyes locked onto him that he looked back at Zhongli, an almost thoughtful expression on the older man’s face.

“Are you alright, Childe?” It was a simple question, honestly. Zhongli had most likely meant nothing by it. It wasn't an out of the ordinary question to ask, especially with the way Childe had been acting lately. It was more surprising that people hadn’t been asking him that more lately with the strange looks he had gotten from almost everyone he had a positive relationship with. Yet of course it couldn't be simple to Childe. With everything in life that he had deemed as more simple than it should've been, it had to be such an insignificant question that almost caused Childe to break. That almost caused Childe to say everything, to just admit to it all. To just tell Zhongli about the shop and the wine. The stupid wine and how it the sight of it in his kitchen didn't even phase him anymore. It would've been so easy to just let it slip out. To just tell him that “no, I’m not alright”.

But when had things ever been easy for Childe?

“Yep, I’m fine,” Childe lied straight through his teeth, not missing the way Zhongli’s eyes immediately narrowed every so slightly at his lie. Zhongli opened his mouth to respond, a retort already on his lips but then closed it soon after, choosing to hold his tongue instead.

“I see,” he had decided on saying, his eyes going back to look at whatever invisible object he had been looking at before. Childe’s eyes stayed locked onto the sight of the man for a few more seconds before he finally looked away, silently begging for Baizhu to come back already.

It had been the highlight of the whole doctor’s trip when Baizhu finally walked back through the door a couple of moments later, bandages in hand. He gave an odd look to the pair but thankfully didn't make a comment about the odd silence. Childe was just grateful for no more questions.

“I’m sorry,” Childe finally broke the silence between the two, the pair now exiting the pharmacy and the harbinger’s arm all patched up. Zhongli was already shaking his head by the second word, a counter apology ready at his lips.

“No, I’ve been an asshole. I ask you to help me out but instead I’m causing issues,” Childe cut Zhongli off, surprising both of them with his words. Who knew Childe could be the one to own up to his mistakes for once?

“I just have a lot on my plate right now and the whole preparing for my return home isn’t helping out either,” he explained with a tone of vagueness, avoiding telling Zhongli the specifics of his situation. The other man simply nodded, a light of understanding in his eyes.

“I understand that which is why I also have to apologize. I’m certain that leaving Liyue is already a task in itself for you but I keep on bringing up bleak thoughts and bringing down the mood. I’ll refrain from voicing such thoughts,” Zhongli also apologized. In all honesty, Childe really didn't need another apology from Zhongli in that moment. If anything, Zhongli had been just voicing what was in the back of their minds’. Just letting them acknowledge that no matter how happy they could pretend to be, it didn't change the fact that Childe was leaving forever. Though Zhongli probably didn’t realize the full extent of what Childe leaving was.

“Let’s do something together, tomorrow,” Childe found himself saying. He didn't even have it in himself to call himself stupid anymore. At this point, he was just handing himself opportunities to doubt his departure from Liyue. First inviting Zhongli in his house for breakfast, then taking him to help him with an easily achievable one man job, and now he was inviting Zhongli out again tomorrow. It was almost as if Childe didn’t want to leave.

No, that was nonsense. Childe knew he had to leave Liyue.

Even if he had no clue as to why he was leaving at this point.

“What do you suggest we do?” Zhongli asked in response, the glow in his eyes illuminated by the moonlight shining over them. Well, it was too late to take back his offer. Zhongli already looked like he was ready to drop everything just to spend even just a minute more with Childe. Childe actively ignored the way his heart surged at the sight.

“I have no clue. I didn’t really think that far,” Childe said as he desperately tried not to think. Why the hell had he suggested they hang out tomorrow? What was he doing? This was all just going to hurt the two of them even more in the end when Childe was gone. He knew this. He knew it when his mind reminded him of it every other minute whenever he gave in and actually just let himself be happy with Zhongli for a moment. It was a double-edged sword; A blade cutting through the fog of misery that Childe had lived in recently, while also stabbing deeper and deeper into the gaping wound that had been made in Childe’s gut over the past few days.

But it was only temporary, he had to remind himself. By Monday there would be no double-edged sword. The pain would soon be over. That thought alone was what allowed him to continue planning his day for tomorrow with Zhongli with a smile on his face.

“Let’s just meet at the Wanmin Restaurant for lunch tomorrow and go from there. I still have matters I need to clear up at the bank and I should probably start packing in the morning,” Childe suggested getting a nod from Zhongli.

“That sounds good. I’ll look forward to our outing tomorrow then.” The light was shining brighter in Zhongli’s eyes, the calmness of his voice contrasting the delighted aura he was giving off. Childe didn't know if he was ready to smile even wider at the sight or burst into ugly tears. At this point, maybe it would end up being both.

“Yeah, let’s make it a fun day.” Temporary. The pain was temporary. That’s what Childe told himself as he and Zhongli made their way to their homes. It was a temporary and insignificant pain.

Childe knew that was a lie though.

Chapter Text

“You’re cruel, Childe.”

The mid afternoon sun shone down on a pair of men eating a meal, a day long see-off just starting to begin at the Wanmin Restaurant.

“Oh?” Childe made a questioning sound at the lighthearted remark, not quite understanding what the man in front of him meant by that. A tiny and teasing grin appeared on Zhongli’s face as he motioned towards the dragon and phoenix patterned chopsticks currently in Childe’s hands.

“I had believed that you simply got rid of the chopsticks but it seems they've been in your possession this whole time. Yet now you choose your last day in Liyue to use them in front of me. If I didn’t know any better, I would believe you’re trying to torment me one last time.” Zhongli said before happily continuing to eat his plate of food. Zhongli’s words had not in any way answered Childe’s ever growing questioning stare. Noticing Childe’s confused silence, the older man looked back up. He gave Childe’s face a one over, his eyes narrowing in observation before they widened back up in realization.

“You still do not know the meaning behind the chopsticks do you?” Childe shook his head at the question, not even knowing until that moment that there was a meaning behind the chopsticks. The only meaning he had gotten was that they were pretty damn expensive for just a pair of utensils. Still Childe had happily accepted the pricey gift from the consultant, even if they were paid straight from Childe’s own wallet.

“I can’t say I ever knew there was a meaning behind them,” Childe answered, observing the item in question.

“That won’t do… after this we must visit the Wanwen Bookhouse. They have an expansive array of books on Liyue’s history and culture. They’ll provide an explanation on my gift to you,” Zhongli said with a hint of seriousness in his voice. Were the chopsticks really that serious? What could they have meant? And why was Zhongli being so secretive?

“Huh? Why not just explain it to me?” Childe pressed, not completely understanding why they had to take an entire trip to a bookstore. They could be spending their time doing something much more exciting than shopping for just expensive paper. And something much more mentally occupying than just staring at shelves. Something much more mentally occupying than would take Childe’s mind off of just how close Monday was.

“Perhaps you’d take it better coming from a book rather than me. Or, to be completely truthful, I’m rather embarrassed at explaining it. I had been under the assumption you had known the meaning behind them this whole time but you don't.”

“Hmm must be interesting. You sure you can’t explain it to me?” Childe asked, becoming more and more curious about the chopsticks. To his dismay, Zhongli shook his head.

“No I’d rather we just get the book at this point. Just think of it as a going away gift from me”

And that was how Childe later found himself at the Wanwen Bookhouse, with definitely more than one book about Liyue’s history in his grasp. He was pretty sure that there was only one book actually about the topic of importance. 

“Is all of this really necessary, Zhongli?” Childe asked as Zhongli went through the books on the bookshelf in front of them.

“I mean I get…” Childe went and took a look at one of the books in his hand, a tan one with a flower now in his sight. “ Customs of Liyue . That book was the reason we came here but come on! Moonlight Bamboo Forest ? Tales from the Waves ? Heart’s Desire ? Records of Jueyun ?” Zhongli added another book to the ever growing pile as Childe went on his tangent.

“And now Rex Incognito ? Are you for real?” Childe ludicrously asked as Zhongli turned back around to continue searching through the bookshelf. “Do you want me to bring a whole library back to my home? Surely not all of these books are needed?” For as much as the harbinger was questioning Zhongli, he did not make a move to put any of the books back on the bookshelf. Childe really was putty in Zhongli’s hands. There he stood in store of items he rarely ever used, holding a stack of essentially wasted money. If Childe was not so enamored with the man by his side, he would have already snapped and thrown the stack of books over the edge of the store.

“Reading is a very important skill to keep up on. Plus it is a pastime that you may find yourself enjoying, at least as you make your way home. If I could recommend a book to read, I suggest this one especially.” Zhongli tapped a finger against one of the books in the pile, a teal one with a diamond on the front. “I have to say that that one is an interesting one.”

“What’s it about?” Childe asked, earning him an almost sly grin in response.

“You’ll have to read to find out,” was all Zhongli said before turning his attention back to the books. Childe had to hold back an aggravated huff. What type of advertising was that to get Childe to want to read the story? If anything, he was more deterred from reading.

The pair made their way throughout the store, Childe lagging behind with his big pile of books. It was only when Zhongli pulled out a particular book from a shelf and showed the cover to Childe that Childe’s interest was sparked.

“Ajax the Great? Really? ” Childe’s eyebrows shot up as he looked at Zhongli with amusement. The older man let out a low chuckle in response as he pulled the book back to himself.

“Perhaps I will keep this one for myself,” Zhongli softly said as he continued to stare at the book as if it was a treasure rather than papers. “Something to remember you by, I suppose. You once said your actual name was from this legend, correct?” A warm smile started to pull at the edge of Zhongli’s lips. It was a welcomed sight that may had made a much warmer feeling in Childe’s chest if it weren't for the mention of his birth name.

“Yeah, can't say I like it though. Ajax didn’t have the greatest ending I have to say. Don’t know what inspired my father to name me that out of all things.”

“I have to admit I haven't ever fully read this legend. From what I have heard, he was a valiant warrior so I would be led to believe his ending would be honorable, no matter if he died of old age or in fierce combat. So what happens to Ajax in the end that is so tragic?” Zhongli lifted his gaze from the book to look at Childe, curiosity shining in his eyes. No. Not just curiosity; It was something more. Something more complicated and important. It was almost as there was a secret hidden in Zhongli’s eyes that Childe was meant to decipher. That this was most likely not about Ajax the Great anymore. No, instead it was about him . It was about the Ajax standing in Zhongli’s eyesight. The Ajax who had not quite met his end yet.

“He was a great warrior but then he got greedy and killed himself, is the gist. It’s been a bit since my father told me the story but from what I can remember, Ajax wanted a set of armor from a powerful god for a victory won by him and various warriors. However, another hero convinced the council to give it to him instead. There were a couple of different endings to the story after that. In one he killed himself because he didn't get the armor. In another ending he killed a bunch of cattle because he was so upset and then killed himself out of shame. The point is that he killed himself but he couldn't face reality or himself.” Childe tried not to think about how the last bit of his explanation hit a little too close to home. Perhaps his father was not too far off in naming him Ajax.

“You are saying the cause of his downfall was his own self?” Zhongli’s stare was almost burning itself into Childe’s eyes by then, a fire so bright that he would be blinded. Yet it was also so paralyzing; A tortuous flame that you could not escape from. All Childe could do was to stare back and add the fuels to the flames, hanging on tight to the last bits of himself that didn’t burn away and reveal itself to the man in his sights. It was almost as if Childe was Ajax the Great in that moment, right on the precipice of the ending of his story. Any second now the threads of shame and sorrow that were so deeply woven into himself lately would unravel and unravel until he was left empty and alone, left to his own doom.

“Precisely,” was all Ajax could utter, his lips barely moving almost as if a breath left his mouth rather than a word.

“Hmm,” Zhongli let out a thoughtful hum, the scrutinizing look still on his face. In a thoughtful gesture, he raised a gloved hand to his own chin, the tips of his fingers wrapping around the curve of his face in the same way he wrapped them around Ajax’s knee the other day. It almost took no concentration at all to feel the ghost of his comforting touch on his knee once again. And this time, Ajax didn't shy away from his thoughts of Zhongli. No this time, he fully welcomed them. He wanted to feel Zhongli’s touch on him again, that grounding force on him that would save him from his own demise. He wanted to reach out and hang onto Zhongli tight, no matter if he got burned down to tiny ashes. Even if reaching out would spiral him deeper and deeper into disparity, he wanted to just feel in that moment that he was not going to bring about his end. He wanted to pretend that he was more than the legend that represented him oh too well.

“It is an interesting tale but I can't say that I agree with your father in naming you that,” Zhongli continued, speaking as if his father could have known the future and how Ajax would turn out. Though in a way, maybe he did know. Little did Zhongli know just how accurate the name was starting to become. For such an all knowing god, even he could be blind to the catastrophes happening hidden right in plain sight.

Yet when Zhongli spoke again, it was in a way that made it seem as if he saw all. That he saw the mess that was in front of him, right in plain sight.

“It is true that you and the Ajax from the legend are both exceptional fighters but I believe the line ends there. Ajax the Great caused his ending. He brought upon himself a burning rage that could not be snuffed out. But I believe that you, the Ajax right in front of me, will not meet that same ending. You will not be the cause of your downfall.” Ajax realized with those words that Zhongli truly did not know, even as spoke those words with so much confidence. If he was aware of what Ajax was going through, he would never still believe that Ajax wasn't bringing himself so much inner destruction. He would never believe that Ajax could still save himself in the end.

But Ajax still wanted to believe.

Childe didn’t have much time to think that over though. Soon Zhongli had an easy smile on his face and was turning away from him to put the book back on the shelf, the strange mood dissipated.

“You don’t want the book anymore?” Childe asked, finally able to articulate words again. Zhongli shook his head.

“No, I’ve decided I don’t particularly need a book to remember you by. My memory is more than sufficient, I would be surprised if a day came to be that I could not easily recall an event between us. My memory has never failed me before.” Childe ignored the way his heart lurched at that statement, not wanting to think about how Zhongli was so sure of himself remembering Childe. He knew that the man had remembered countless events over the decades but the thought of Zhongli holding Childe especially close in his endless array of memories… it wasn't the easiest pill to swallow when Childe knew he would never have a single thought of the man in a day.

Yet Childe found himself double thinking that. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to remember…

Childe didn’t even have a chance to tell himself just how stupid of a thought that was before Zhongli was talking again.

“Shall we pay for your books now?” Zhongli asked, sparking a spec of irritation in Childe.

“ What ? You can put the one book you were considering for yourself away but I’m stuck with all of this?” The harbinger lifted the heavy stack of books up so fast they almost toppled over. Zhongli simply watched the action, not appearing concerned at all that the items had almost fallen to the floor.

“Well yes, we came to the store to buy you a book of course,” Zhongli responded, causing Childe’s eyes to narrow. That argument made no sense, and Childe was prepared to defend his point until the end.

“There is much more than one book in my hands right now, Zhongli,” Childe hissed, ready to drop the pile of books right then and there on the ground. Zhongli’s mouth twitched, an argument on the ready but then he shook his head instead. An amused huff left his lips before he spoke.

“Perhaps you may be a little right. I suppose I may have gotten slightly carried away.” Childe felt the almost silent buzz of irritation leave him as he looked at the sheepish man. Though the feeling was only fully replaced by a much warmer and comfortable feeling when the pair had finally left the store, only one book in the bag Childe was carrying. A note put in the book by Zhongli stuck out slightly but Childe had yet to read it.

“You can only read the note when you’ve started to read the book,” Zhongli had lectured him when he caught Childe secretly trying to read the piece of paper. Though Childe obliged, it didn’t help in the slightest to kill his curiosity over the whole ordeal of the book and the chopsticks. Perhaps it was a plot made by Zhongli to just convince him to read.

Childe tried no to believe that.

Childe had no idea what their next destination was and he had a feeling Zhongli did not know either.  Yet the two of them continued to wander the streets, basking in the company of one another, an unspoken feeling of calmness between them. It was when the sun had become slightly lower in the sky and time that Childe had not kept track of passed that the silence was broken by the sounds of a familiar storyteller.

“Shall we sit and listen to Liu Su’s story?” Zhongli asked as the pair slowly strolled passed the staircase leading to the Heyu Tea House. Even with the difference in height, the two men could faintly hear the exaggerated voice of the story teller above them. From what Childe could hear, he safely assumed that the man had just begun to tell a new story to his audience.

“For our next story, I talk of a cautionary tale,” the voice from above spoke. Childe gave an intrigued look to Zhongli, interested in what cautionary tale could be so interesting to speak of at the Hayu Tea House.

“Yeah it seems like an interesting story is about to come up,” Childe answered. The two of them began to make their way to the staircase, starting their ascent.

“This one is named Heart’s Desire ,” the storyteller continued.

Childe and Zhongli took their first steps up the staircase, Zhongli a pace ahead of Childe.

“The version of the tale I’m telling today takes place in a hidden corner of a harbor, much like the one we are in.”

Childe felt a sick pang start to appear in his stomach but attempted to ignore it. Yet he couldn't help the voice in the back of his mind that told him he was not going to like what he heard next.

“But I must reiterate this before I continue. This is not a happy tale. Rather, it ends in despair in heartbreak. This is a tale about hurting yourself further in the attempt to escape the pain of life. Our main characters do not realize that, sadly, for they continue to make foolish decisions all the way until the end.”

The pair took another step up. Childe’s stomach dropped down another level. He felt sick.

“Our story begins with a small antique shop…”

Childe froze.

“...a lovesick customer...”

Zhongli turned around, noticing that the younger man wasn’t following him up the staircase anymore. His eyebrows knotted up in a mixture of confusion and concern, a questioning light flashing through his eyes.

“...and a fox-eyed shopkeeper.”

“Are you alright, Childe?” Zhongli asked as if the distressed look on Childe’s face didn’t already answer the question for both of them.

“Now this customer had been offered a solution to fix their broken heart by the shopkeeper.”

Childe continued to stare right through Zhongli, his instincts screaming at him to both run and stay in place. The harbinger felt like falling over right on the spot instead.

“Unbeknownst to the customer, this shopkeeper wasn’t the most virtuous. But they would only later learn this much too late after they were handed-”

“Wine,” Childe blurted out. Zhongli’s expression morphed into full confusion at the word, his face looking as if he was looking at a maniac rather than his friend. But was there much difference at this point.

“Wine?” Zhongli repeated, not sure if he had heard the harbinger right. By now the sounds of the story teller had been drowned out under the pair’s conversation, one thing that Childe was thankful for.

“I forgot that I needed to buy wine before we left,” Childe lied, finding any way to not let Zhongli in on his actual thoughts. In what way was he supposed to explain that he was reduced to an alarmed mess because of a simple tale. That he was being made more and more aware of his stupidity as the clock ticked closer and closer to the time of his departure. That every time he tried to just enjoy the day and forget , he was reminded of everything he strived to avoid until the last second.

“You want to buy wine? Right this moment?” Zhongli continued to question, an almost skeptical glint in his eyes.

“Yeah, before I forget again, y’know?” The look Zhongli gave him suggested that no, he did not know. If it weren't for the such tense state he was currently in, maybe Childe would have made a further attempt to convince the man that he wasn't shouting out the next parts of stories because he had experienced them first hand. Thankful Zhongli gave him one last skeptical look before he responded with words that made Childe visibly sag down from his tense state.

“I see…” He most definitely did not see. “Shall we go to Second Life then? They have an array of liquor there. I could point you in the direction of Liyue’s finer brands.” Childe enthusiastically nodded in response, not trying to think of how ridiculous he must've looked.

“Yes, that’d be great! Let’s hurry before it leaves our minds!” Childe responded, feeling the tips of his lips turn up, a black and white contrast to the dark dread swirling inside him. He barely waited for Zhongli’s noise of agreement before turning around, a clear set path already being traversed to go to Second Life. The older man quickly followed, that indescribable expression now on his face, hidden from Childe’s view as they made their retreat.

It didn't even phase him at this point, Childe thought to himself as their steps carried them to the shop. It didn’t phase him at this point that he chose to run instead of confronting this issue for once.

It didn’t phase him just how much of a coward he was.

“You can stop looking at me like that you know,” Childe spoke as he kept his eyes on the wine bottle in his hands, Zhongli’s burning gaze on him visible from the corner of his vision. Unlike the average person, Zhongli didn’t tense up from the shock of getting caught but rather kept on staring, his silence speaking for him.

“Zhongli,” Childe groaned in a sort of aggravation, readying himself to make up yet again another excuse for himself. How many times have Zhongli gotten to this same argument in the last few days? Twice, thrice, more? All Childe knew was that it was much more than he would've liked it to happen. If anything, it was more tiring than angering at that point.

Perhaps the traveler had a point that day they had traversed around Liyue with Teucer. Perhaps it would be easier to simply tell the truth than keep a lie up. No, it absolutely would be easier in a logical sense. But what about the fragile friendship the two men had worked to amend? What about the easy conversations the two of them had found themselves falling back into over the days? What about the meals they shared or their daily outings?

Childe finally brought his eyes up to look over at Zhongli, expecting to see a harsh pair of eyes on him. But instead those cor lapis eyes were intensely staring at the wine in Childe’s hands.

Oh. Perhaps Childe had become an overthinker recently. Leave it to him to have an internal crisis in a matter of seconds because he thought Zhongli was simply staring at him when in reality, he was looking at alcohol. Alcohol, the main and singular reason they were at the store.

Archons, Childe was becoming paranoid. Though he had to wonder about something.

Was this how Zhongli felt? Was this how he felt everyday he sat by Childe’s side, concealing the true version of him? Was this how he felt as he knew the two of them would most likely not have a happy ending when Zhongli finally spoke those words of truth? Did Zhongli ever consider never telling Childe just how Childe was ready to take his secret to the grave?

Did Zhongli feel that same burning pain of guilt in his chest every time he looked at him?

Hypocrite. Hypocrite. Hypocrite! His mind screamed the word over and over at him again, as the realization of just how similar this situation was to the one Childe had taken so much of his time to hate on.

In the end, he had always become what he hated.

“Is something the matter?” Zhongli’s voice broke Childe out of his thoughts.

“Ah, nothing,” Childe responded, feeling the tendrils of warm embarrassment wrapping around his chest. Nope, nothing other than thinking Zhongli was suspicious of him every moment of the day.

“If this is about the incident outside of the tea house, I won’t mention it. I’ve begun to see you’re adverse to me asking you about these situations,” Zhongli replied as if he was reading Childe’s mind before turning his attention back to the wine in the harbinger’s hands. Without his gaze on Childe, he failed to notice the baffled expression on his face.

“Um, are you sure?” Childe wanted to slap himself for asking that. What type of question was that? Zhongli had given him an easy way out. An easy excuse for him to tell Zhongli to just mind his own business. Yet here he was, double checking to see if Zhongli was alright with just leaving Childe alone.

Zhongli flashed a look at Childe, before grabbing the wine from his hands. The man made his way over to the cashier, Childe following in behind with his money at the ready.

“I’m sure if you’re sure. Just know that I am always here to talk. Always . Even if you assume the worst of the situation, just know I will be by your side if you find that it makes even the slight but more comfortable,” Zhongli answered with sincerity. If Childe had been a more emotional man, maybe he would have felt the need to wrap his arms around Zhongli in relief or felt his eyes water. But Childe was not that. Instead, he flashed a relieved smile towards him and uttered his thanks.

“I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.” After those words, the subject was not mentioned again during their trip at Second Life. Instead Zhongli turned the subject around to the wine that was about to be purchased. “Osmanthus wine” he had called it.

“It’s one of my favorite wines. I have enjoyed many meals with old friends with this as the beverage. I’d be happy to have the memory of drinking it with you also,” Zhongli explained, leaving Childe’s heart to flutter.

What a flatterer. Yet Childe couldn’t help stop the smile that spread onto his face.

“Was there any other store in specific you wanted to go to next?” Zhongli asked as they stepped back out into the sunny harbor, his hand now grasped around the handles of a bag that contained the bottle of osmanthus wine. Childe took a moment to ponder on the question, thinking of any other place he had desperately wanted or needed to see with Zhongli before the end of the day but came to a blank. It wasn't that he didn't want to be with the man anymore, quite the contrary actually, but it was rather that nowhere in specific would make his time with Zhongli better. Zhongli being by his side was more than enough then.

But of course Childe wasn’t going to say that aloud. He’d rather down that whole bottle of sketchy wine right in front of Zhongli than actually admit that to him.

“None in particular. How about you?” Childe decided on responding with, hoping Zhongli would have a much more interesting answer than him. But as to be expected with a man who had seen the harbor countless times that spanned more than an average lifetime, Zhongli simply shook his head.

“I have no place in mind currently. Shall we just stroll around then?” Zhongli suggested getting a voice of agreement from Childe.

And that was how they found themselves walking down the streets of Liyue Harbor, the orange light of the summer sunset shining down on them. The air filled with a warmth that lit Childe up inside while also remaining comfortably cool. It was almost as if it were a new spring day rather than the end of another summer day. If Childe closed his eyes and simply basked in the depleting sunlight perhaps he could pretend that it was spring once again. That it was a month ago when rain tapped on his window more times than not and the glaze lilies seemed just the tiniest bit closer to blooming. That it was the spring time when everything seemed hopeful and Zhongli seemed reachable, like he was only inches away rather than miles. That it was a time when Childe could imagine reaching out his hand towards Zhongli’s, finally able to link their fingers.

Sadly it wasn’t spring. Those days of tranquility were long gone.

Though was it ever true tranquility, or just a false sense of safety, a cloak hiding the shadow of a lie? Were the days of spring ever much different than the days of summer? Or were they similar, almost bleeding into each other? Were those same spring days the same as the summer twilight? Was everything still the same after all of the misunderstandings and disagreements?

Childe certainly didn’t know the answer to that. But maybe he wanted to allow himself to believe everything was the same in that moment. With Zhongli just inches away, his hand swaying close to Childe’s as they walked down the streets of the harbor. It would be so easy to just simply move his hand closer to Zhongli’s and just-

“Is something on my hand?” Zhongli’s voice asked, startling Childe out of his inner dialogue. The harbinger removed his concentrated gaze from Zhongli’s hand and instead looked him in the eyes, not sure why he felt so utterly embarrassed. It wasn’t as if looking at one’s hand was a crime or anything!

“Nope I-” Childe began to try to explain, the heat of embarrassment rising up to his cheeks, but soon cut himself off. “Nothing.” He simply shook his head, his mind coming to a blank as to what he could quickly say to explain why he was staring at Zhongli’s hand like it had magically turned purple. Zhongli kept his gaze on Childe for a moment longer before he decided on giving a hum of acknowledgement in return and looking towards the street in front of them once again.

Childe seemed to not learn from his mistakes. At least that was what he could safely assure about himself as he found himself looking at the gloved hand once again right when those cor lapis eyes turned away from him. What was the point of pondering so intensely over grabbing a person’s hand? It was just a simple action at the end of the day. It wasn’t as if the two of them had never made physical contact before. For crying out loud, Zhongli had him pinned against the ground just a few days ago!

Childe tried to ignore the voice in the back of his head that told him that that was in a very different situation.

It was all so stupid. It was so stupid the way Childe held himself back so much lately. He was Tartaglia, a feared fighter and known for being fearless. He wasn't supposed to be scared about holding someone's hand. He wasn't supposed to be dilly dallying around worrying about if the days of spring and summer were one in the same. He wasn't supposed to be so weak or alone. He wasn’t supposed to be in an unending hole of despair because he couldn't get his head on right after a lie or two and strangers he didn't know were insulting him. He wasn't supposed to be in such deep shit.

There was a very simple answer though, wasn't there? Childe could just let go already. What was he even holding onto anymore? Zhongli’s lies? He didn’t even care about that anymore. Not being welcomed in Liyue? Who cares? Childe had faced much worse, being hated should’ve been at the bottom of his list of concerns. So why was he so focused on leaving and giving his time in Liyue such a terrible ending?

You’re causing your own downfall at this point.

“You will not be the cause of your downfall.” Those had been the words Zhongli had uttered to him in the bookstore just a few hours ago. And those were the same words Childe mentally repeated to himself as his hand gravitated towards Zhongli’s. It was when the grey fabric of Childe’s glove met the black fabric of the other man’s that Zhongli’s gaze darted to the direction of their hands.

Childe’s hand froze in place as he noticed from the corner of his eye that those cor lapis eyes shifted up to look at the harbinger. His fingers laid slightly splayed out in the air, in the middle of the motion of grabbing for Zhongli’s hand. It took all of Childe’s courage to keep his eyes away from Zhongli’s unreadable stare and to force his hand to keep on moving. He finished the motion in a slow pace, the speed enough for Zhongli to pull his hand away if he wanted. Yet Zhongli’s hand remained steady, almost gravitating towards Childe’s, as the harbinger wrapped his fingers around Zhongli’s hand.

It was when Childe had Zhongli’s hand in his grasp that he finally looked towards Zhongli’s gaze, the expression planted on his face not much different than the one that was on his face the night before. The silence following the pair in that moment felt much louder than the background noise of the harbor, and the eyes on Childe more blinding than the morning sun. But soon Zhongli’s fingers were wrapping around Childe’s hand and the unreadable expression on his face was replaced by a soft smile. No words were said as the man’s eyes remained on Childe’s face for a moment longer, before looking in front of the pair again with a content shine in his eyes.

Perhaps Childe was wrong. Perhaps he was wrong the entire time. Perhaps somewhere in the middle of his grieving and regret, he hadn't seen that there was a light at the end of the tunnel for him and Zhongli. Perhaps Childe was going about solving his sadness in an entirely wrong way.

Was forgetting and leaving behind such an important place truly the solution?

Of course not. In the end, there was no true reason to leave. Childe had simply dug himself in a hole misery, finding every reason to leave instead of letting himself be happy. The only person stopping himself for so long after he made amends with Zhongli was only himself. He was the cause of his own downfall for so long. But how was he supposed to stop the ever downward motion he was tumbling in? Was it so easy as to just simply stay in Liyue? Even if he was not wanted and he was still a harbinger through and through?

Should he just stay in Liyue?

The idea was starting to become more and more appealing to Childe as the day went on.

“Oh, sir!” A voice called out of the busy crowds of Liyue. It was only by chance that Childe had looked over to see that a woman in front of a nearby store was calling out to him. Childe exchanged a confused glance with Zhongli before the two walked over to the store front. It was when Childe saw the display windows closer up that his heart skipped a beat when he realized where he was.

“I couldn't help but notice you were browsing some of the items in our shop the other night while I was closing up the shop. Would you like to check out our items now that we’re opened? We still have the pair of earrings that you seemed focused on,” the woman explained, causing Zhongli’s expression to morph from confusion directed at her to curiousness directed at Childe.

Childe had almost fully forgotten about the incident that was the topic of the conversation at the moment. He had almost forgotten so easily the second attempt to remove his memories of Zhongli and Liyue only to remember when he caught sight of those cor lapis earrings. But instead of the idea of those stones taunting him like they had the previous night, all he could think about now was the way those earrings looked as if they had come straight from Zhongli’s eyes. A treasure from the god himself. Perhaps in a way, those cor lapis jewels were a part of Zhongli. Though Childe did not ponder on the thought for too long before he responded to the woman.

“Ah yes! I’ve been meaning to find those again.” Childe followed the woman as she walked back into the store, Zhongli letting himself be led by the harbinger with their still intertwined hands. There’d be no harm in just checking out a pair of earrings. Though Childe already knew by the time they left the shop, he would give in and buy the earrings for Zhongli. Childe had money to burn and a man he cared about, it would be no surprise if he left him with a bittersweet souvenir. Childe couldn't tell if the action of giving him the gift would be generous or just an asshole move. But Childe could not think about it much longer before he came crashing into a surface, the grasp between his and Zhongli’s hand broken.

“Oomf.” An aggravated sound came from what Childe bumped into before speedily walking past him. By the time Childe had gained his bearings after bumping into the person, they were already out the door.

“Oh, I’m so sorry about that! He’s a regular customer here, usually buying antiques and stuff! He said something about dropping a pot or vase before buying a replacement and seemed all aggravated. I must apologize!” the lady apologized with a panicked sincerity as Zhongli’s arms came around Childe to help steady him.

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Childe reassured her once he was steadied, waving his hand lightly before continuing on. “Besides, I’m used to it, you know?”

Zhongli looked over to the nearest wall, a negative glint in his eyes. The worker on the other hand simply made a confused face, obviously not making the connection between Childe and trouble in Liyue. The sparks finally seemed to fly in Childe’s head when he connected the dots between the woman’s polite attitude towards him and the expression on her face right then.

She didn’t know Childe was a harbinger.

Childe felt the tips of his lips turn upwards even more at the thought. For once, someone didn’t know who he was. For once, he was able to walk around again with at least one person not afraid he was going to try to flood the entire city again. For so long he had been recognized at every street corner, no matter what he looked like or how he acted. He could walk around in full harbinger attire, mask and all, or just in normal citizen clothes with no sign of him having any affiliation with the Fatui in sight and he would still be recognized all the same. Yet now, as he stood in the store with no mask in sight or any detail leading someone to suspect him to be a Fatui member, he was finally treated as normal . Even if he knew a lot of the fault fell on him for how he was treated, it still didn't lessen the pure bliss he felt at the freedom he was experiencing to just be finally treated as a regular person by a stranger again.

“Nevermind, it’s nothing,” Childe said. The worker didn’t give him a second glance before nodding and starting to walk over to where the pair of earrings had been at. 

“And here they are. Just come find me or another employee if you need assistance,” she said to the pair as she grabbed a pair of cor lapis earrings from the window display before handing them to Childe. Childe gave a noise of affirmation as he watched the employee make her way to another part of the store to help another customer.

“Oh? This is an exquisite piece of jewelry.” Childe could feel Zhongli’s breath tickle the side of his neck as the man leaned over his shoulder to get a closer at the earrings in the harbinger’s grasp. Childe snuck a glance to his right as he caught sight of those cor lapis eyes intensely observing the jewelry, oblivious to the way the intrusion of personal space made Childe feel as if he was going to melt into the ground right then and there.

“Yeah, beautiful,” Childe agreed, though his eyes weren’t focused on the earrings. Truly exquisite, he repeated to himself in his mind, his gaze still focused on the other man’s eyes. It was only when Zhongli’s gaze turned to him that Childe was reminded of just how close they were. This seemed to be a constant situation, Childe observed. Being in such a close proximity to the man but feeling paralyzed by that glint in his eyes. No matter how much he could want to move away, it felt as if he was held down in place, only able to be trapped by a beautiful amber gaze for as long as Zhongli willed it to be.

Though maybe Childe didn’t want to escape that gaze right now.

The spell was quickly broken however, when Zhongli took a step away from him. Childe ignored the way his heart dipped in disappointment at the space between them.

“That worker mentioned you seemed interested in these earrings for a bit of time now?” Zhongli’s eyes were filled with curiosity now as he steered the conversation away from how the jewelry looked.

“Ah, not for too much time. They had just caught my eye the other night when I walked in front of the store. I guess she saw me through the window,” Childe replied with a shrug, careful to be vague with what he was doing that night. He may have been becoming more comfortable to the prospect of Zhongli and Liyue during the span of the day but that didn’t mean he was ready to belt out all of his secrets to Zhongli right then.

Zhongli opened his mouth to respond, most likely a question on his lips. Before any words could come out though, Childe hurriedly held the earrings up to Zhongli’s pierced ear in front of the earring he was already wearing. The man immediately shut his mouth, his eyebrows drawing together in confusion instead.

“They match,” Childe simply said, providing little explanation for Zhongli. He continued to look at Childe in confusion as the harbinger’s eyes laid onto the sight, confirming the idea in his head that the earrings would look good on Zhongli.

“Oh?” Zhongli let out a noise, hoping that Childe would further explain his words to him. Childe pulled down the earrings away from Zhongli’s ear, as he thought over what answer he could give. He had to admit to himself that he was most definitely not the most honest person lately. Yet as he stood there in the embrace of Zhongli’s question, Childe found himself wanting to be honest for once.

That’s what he wanted Zhongli to be, right? So why couldn’t he give the same energy back?

“Your eyes. They match your eyes. Or actually they reminded me of your eyes since they look alike, you know?” Childe stumbled out a reiteration causing said eyes to light up in a better understanding as he went to take a quick glance at the jewelry still in Childe’s grasp.

“You said the earrings were beautiful.” Zhongli looked back towards Childe, their gazes once again connecting. Childe felt his heart skip a beat as he began to understand what Zhongli’s words were alluding to. It wasn’t about the earrings anymore, was it? No, it was very obvious they weren’t talking about the earrings. Rather the earrings were just a code word, a metaphor, for a much different subject. Zhongli wasn’t talking about the earrings. He was talking about what the earrings were comparable to. He was talking about himself. And it was up to Childe if he wanted to continue to be truthful. To continue to lead this chase they were stumbling around that would most likely lead to a bittersweet ending.

It seemed as if a lot was up to Childe lately. If only he knew what the right decisions were.

Being truthful was probably one of the right ones, Childe had to acknowledge before he could even think over the words that were leaving his mouth.

“I did. Beautiful feels like an understatement though, I must admit.”

He should be more truthful, Childe decided as he caught sight of the slight shocked breath Zhongli sucked in before his lips slipped into a warm smile. If it meant he could see that expression on Zhongli’s face more often, Childe would have never spoken a lie again in his life.

That was a lie.

Yet Childe found that he wanted to try. How was he supposed to try though if he was going to be gone in less than twenty four hours?

It would be much easier if he had more time. But the only way to have more time would be to stay longer. It was such an easy answer yet so difficult for Childe.

…

Would it hurt to stay for just a little longer?

Childe was going to miss Liyue.

He was going to long for the ocean breeze, the warm winds, and the bustling harbor all the way until he set foot on to his homeland and the memory of the city no longer existed for him. He was going to long for lunches spent at the Wanmin Restaurant. He was going to long for walks around the harbor and the stories told behind the structures. He was going to long for long conversations and warm tea. He was going to long for warm looks and gentle touches. He was going to long for-

“Zhongli.” The mentioned man turned towards Childe at the sound of his voice, the diminishing brightness of the late twilight reflected over his eyes. Childe took a step towards the man, the two of them standing outside and close to the entrance, out of people’s way, of the store they were just in. Once in close proximity, Childe brushed a hand against Zhongli’s pierced ear before moving his other hand over to take off the earring. Childe tried to pay no mind to the way Zhongli’s eyes seemed to be in a nervous debate over looking towards Childe or at the ground as the harbinger’s hands worked to replace the old earring with the new one he had just bought for Zhongli moments ago.

It was nice. It was quite nice that it seemed as if Childe made Zhongli feel the same way in these moments. It was nice that even someone such as Zhongli could be rendered to feeling like melting ice cream in the sun just from a simple touch and simple closeness. But could Childe even blame him? Here, as Childe went to place the new earring in Zhongli’s ear, they were so close. So so close. Almost absolutely closer than necessary to just put an earring in someone’s ear. Yet if Childe wanted to, he really could just lean in ever so slightly and…

“Ta-da!” Childe took multiple steps back making sure to keep a very respectful distance between the two now. Zhongli owlishly blinked back at the sudden action, oblivious to the sudden thought that had just run through Childe’s head. It was one thing to go grabbing Zhongli’s hand and stuff but it was another to go ahead and kiss him when Childe wasn’t even sure how the man felt about him. That was a bold move Childe was not going to make. Sure Zhongli wasn’t adverse to anything that had happened during the day but did that really mean anything? Wasn’t Childe the same one who had really thought Zhongli was going to confess to Childe last night when in reality he just got taken to the doctor? There was no way to be sure. And Childe wasn’t up for causing a rift in their friendship during his last day in Liyue.

Last day in Liyue… the once appealing thought now left a sick feeling in Childe’s stomach. He had been so sure  before about leaving but as the deadline approached and approached he found himself wavering.

Was he really making the right choice?

“Does it look alright on me?” Zhongli asked, a hand coming to touch the earring hanging from his ear.

“Yeah, it looks great. We can go back inside and look in the mirror if you want,” Childe answered. Once again he had answered with an understatement. If beautiful was not a good enough word, great was basically an insult.

“No a mirror won’t be necessary. I trust your judgement.”

Childe could only think to himself that Zhongli really shouldn’t trust his judgement before the man walked over to Childe and took the remaining earring out of Childe’s hands. Childe could only let out a questioning hum before Zhongli made a move to replace the red gemmed earring that Childe normally wore in his ear with the other new earring.

“There was an extra earring,” Zhongli commented with that warm slight smile once the cor lapis earring was dangling from Childe’s ear. “We’re matching now.” Childe gave a couple blinks of dazzlement at the action before responding.

“You could just keep the extra one. I’m sure it looks better on you,” Childe said sheepishly. He was sure that it looked a multitude of times better on Zhongli than himself. The earring went well with Zhongli’s brown and black attire while it probably looked like a sore thumb compared to the red and greys Childe normally wore. But it was very apparent that Zhongli disagreed when the man shook his head.

“No. I guarantee it looks much better on you, trust me. You look beautiful, Ajax.” If it were not for the surprise he felt from the sudden use of his real name, he would have scoffed at the comment. In what world did Childe look anywhere near better than Zhongli? Not this one for sure.

“I don’t know about that one, Zhongli. You’re the one with perfectly sculpted statues of yourself all around Liyue.” Of course Zhongli didn’t even look the least bit embarrassed at the comment. He was truly representing the persona that was shown by said statues.

“I personally believe there should be statues of you, but perhaps I’m biased.” Even though he was standing perfectly still, Childe almost felt himself fall over to the ground. No fair! Zhongli was supposed to be the embarrassed one, not Childe! Yet there they stood, Childe’s expression in a soft sort of shock while an almost unnoticeable smirk sat on Zhongli’s lips.

“You’re cruel,” Childe huffed, the words taken from the same sentence Zhongli had said to him earlier that day during their lunch.

“Oh? How so?” Zhongli asked with a mix of curiosity and amusement on his face, that dumb little smirk still there.

“You’re cruel for saying such things and playing along with me when we both know I leave tomorrow,” Childe attempted to say with the least amount of malice he could muster up. It was a sobering statement, words strong enough to kill the easy mood they had conjured. Yet Zhongli’s lips still turned upwards, not seeming to be deterred by the words at all.

Maybe he had accepted that Childe would be departing soon and there was nothing he could do about it. Childe found that he didn’t like the thought of that.

“I guess we’re both cruel then. Though it’d be much less cruel if you stayed instead.” Huh, seemed like Zhongli truly was speaking his mind now.

“Wow, someone is bold. You just out and said it,” Childe responded with a snicker in his voice. What were they doing? Childe already knew that this was leading to a serious conversation, yet here they were, still speaking through it as if the situation was a joke.

Childe had to observe that at times, the situation did feel like a joke though.

“I believed I was being quite obvious about it,” Zhongli responded as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. It was, Childe knew that, but just admitting it was one thing. To just speak his mind and seem so sure about it. If Zhongli could be so sure about wanting Childe to stay then maybe Childe was doing something wrong. Maybe Childe was doing something wrong if he himself couldn’t be sure of the crucial decision he was soon to follow through with.

“But yes, I want you to stay. Badly I must admit. My mortal days won’t be the same without you,” Zhongli continued, the easy smile on his lips falling down. Oh, it seemed like they were actually going to act serious about this.

Childe sucked in a breath, trying to find the words to respond but none escaped his mouth as he let out the breath. What was he supposed to say to that? “Sorry buddy but I have to go”? No way, that was just plain rude in this situation. Childe didn’t mind saying it how it was to other people but with Zhongli it was different. He wasn’t in the business of trying to deliberately hurt someone he cared so much about. Plus, did he even mean those words? Would it be better to just tell him the truth and say “I don’t want to go.” Or take it a step further and simply say “I’ll stay.”

Childe found that he really wanted to say that he’d stay in Liyue.

“It’s just wishful thinking. I understand that your mind is already set. I’m only just making you feel worse about this. I apologize,” Zhongli continued to speak before Childe could even hope to respond, mistaking Childe’s silence for aversion. But it was not aversion . No, it was rather a moment of realization for Childe. An epiphany that should have lit up much earlier for the man.

He wanted to stay.

He should stay, actually.

He was going to stay.

He was going to tell Zhongli right then and there that he changed his mind. That he treasured their time together and everything he had seen from the city much more than lies from the past and people hating him. He was going to grab that bottle of wine later that night and march straight to the antique shop. He was going to give that shopkeeper a piece of his mind and tell her that he had no need for such a dubious drink. He was done self sabotaging. He was grounded. He was not falling. He was not going to be his own downfall.

Childe finally broke the silence, finally began to say the words that would finally turn the ending from a tragedy to a joyful ending.

“Zhongli, I-”

“There he is!” Childe whipped his head around to catch sight of the loud shout, the voice sounding familiar. The harbinger finally realized he caught sight of where the yell came from when he saw a group of millieth guards, spears pointed directly at Childe. And front in center, a familiar man with a finger pointed at the pair, stood.

“Mr. Chen?” He could hear Zhongli utter from beside him, an almost panicked expression on his face. It was unnerving for Childe to see such an expression on the usually cool and calm collected man. It was unnerving the way Zhongli, one who had been once high and mighty, stayed frozen in place. It was unnerving the way time seemed to stop in that moment, danger pointed at the pair in almost every direction. But unnerved he may have been, Childe was not incapable of fighting. Even if him and Zhongli were heavily outnumbered he would slash down every guard in front of him. And he would have the head of Mr. Chen this time.

Childe could only assume the man in front of them had done anything but heed Childe’s warning from the other night. Why else would there be a group of guards pointing their weapons at a pair who had threatened to kill the man? But still. That brought up another question. How was Mr. Chen able to ensure they would be at the store? How did he know they were at the store?

“Oh, you’ve caught the harbinger,” a voice rang out from Childe’s other side. To his left, the worker that had helped the two of them walked out of the store, clear recognition in her eyes. Childe’s eyebrows drew together in confusion for a moment before it hit him. The out of place invitation into the store and the way the worker had appeared to not recognize Childe. It was a set up. The worker had never invited Childe in that store with the intention of him being a customer. She had invited him in while she waited for the millieth to arrive to arrest him. And the only way for her to know that the harbinger had done wrong would be Mr. Chen which had to have meant that he was in the store at one point to point him out. 

The man with the broken vase that Childe had bumped into.

Mr. Chen had broken his vase when he threw it at Childe’s shoulder. Mr. Chen was just leaving the store as they were entering, probably on his way to get the millieth. 

Shit . If Childe hadn't been so careless. If he had just killed the man right when he had the chance rather than let him live maybe he wouldn’t have been in his current situation.

“Sir, I need you to step away from the harbinger! He is highly dangerous,” one of the millieth guards ordered, his words directed at Zhongli. Ah . Mr. Chen had forgotten to mention Childe’s partner in crime, it seemed like. Or maybe it was done on purpose. Desperate to remove the harbinger but not too eager to incriminate a well known citizen. Childe couldn't blame him, though. If someone had shown up to Snezhnaya and tried to destroy, he’d want them gone also. Though Childe would rather deal with them himself rather than send people out to arrest him. This was a little… much.

Childe turned back to his left to look towards Zhongli who had most definitely not stepped away from the harbinger. Actually, it seemed like he had moved closer to Childe, his mouth not to far away from the harbinger’s ear. Childe would have thought to question it if it were not for the voice the sounded in his ear.

“Childe, we have to run,” the man whispered. Childe gave a disconcerted side glance to him as the guards continued to move closer to the pair. Run? Why would Childe run when a free fight was being offered to him right there?

“Sir, please move away from the harbinger! It is not safe to be near him!” The guards continued their slow pursuit towards the pair, the store worker and Mr. Chen now behind them, a safe distance away from Childe.

“Don’t fight right now. If you do, there’s no coming back from it. There’s no chance for you in Liyue if you attack these guards,” Zhongli continued to whisper in an almost urgency. Childe wanted to laugh at that. Was Zhongli delusional now? When had there ever been a chance for Childe? When he had just started to believe there was a chance for him to stay, it was ripped away from him in one instance. It was obvious. Whatever god, archon, or adepti was watching over him, they had definitely made it obvious that Childe was not meant to stay in Liyue. The weapons pointed at him spoke a very obvious message: “Leave.” And Childe heard it loud and clear.

“Sir, we’ll only say this one more time! Move away from the harbinger!” Even as the guards continued to shout, Zhongli still kept his attention solely on Childe, his eyes almost begging Childe to just run .

“Sir, this your last warning! Get out of the way or we will use force!” A guard yelled at Zhongli, yet the man did not move, his feet planted firmly on the ground as if he were stone instead of a person. Though, Childe figured that wasn’t too far off of a realistic description of the man.

Childe did not have much time to ponder over that, however, before a weapon was being swung in the pair’s direction. It was at that movement that Childe brought up a hydro blade, effectively blocking the strike from harming either of the two men. As fast as he had blocked the strike, Childe pushed the spear away before bringing up a second blade. He swung the second blade in a wide arc, inches away from cutting down the guards if it had not been for them hurriedly backing away from the blade. Knowing an opening when he sees one, Childe dematerialized the blades before grabbing Zhongli’s arm and hurriedly dragging the man away from the guards while they were still dazed.

“Get him, he’s escaping!” Childe could hear a shout and a barrage of footsteps from behind him. The harbinger willed himself to sprint faster, only taking a slight glace to his side to make sure Zhongli was in pace with him, his grip on the man’s arm gone. Though judging from the way Zhongli seemed to not be using a full effort to keep up his sprint, Childe had to guess that the one who he should be worrying about was himself.

Archons, what had he gotten himself into?

“Why… did you… tell me to run?” A hunched over Childe asked in between gasps of breath, his lungs feeling as if they were alight. Zhongli stood tall and straight in front of him, looking more concerned for Childe’s current condition than his own. Leave it to the ex-archon to not even break a sweat after running for his life all the way from Liyue Harbor to the top of Mt. Tianheng. 

“Why did you listen to me and run?” Zhongli countered, a pointed look in his eyes. Childe purposely looked down at the ground and away from Zhongli’s accusatory expression.

“Do you think we lost them?” Childe decided on asking, changing the subject. When he raised his gaze back up to look at Zhongli, the man’s eyes were locked onto the view of the now moonlit harbor below them, the early night shining down on them.

“I believe we lost them after the first few blocks. You're quite the fast runner, I must say,” Zhongli commented, his voice on a strange line between dead serious and laughter. Childe felt a mock frown splay out onto his lips as began to stand straight up, finally able to catch his breath.

“You’re not even tired!” Childe said in a sound that stood somewhere between a whine and a huff. Zhongli’s straight lined expression finally broke out into that slight teasing smile that Childe hated to admit that he longed to see, even if it was always at the expense of his dignity. Childe made a move to make a cheeky comment about the expression before he was fully able to catch sight of Zhongli. Or rather, what was in Zhongli’s hands.

“You still have our stuff,” Childe said in a deadpan tone. Long and behold, Zhongli the never tiring man, still carrying bags of stuff even after a life risking marathon. It was this line that made Zhongli turn back to face Childe, his face back to its usually neutral expression.

“Yes. It would have been a waste to leave it there after you had already bought all of it,” Zhongli commented as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. And maybe it was. Maybe Zhongli had been the all knowing one all along and held more common sense than Childe could ever hope for. By that point, Childe was just too tired to even argue with his own self about who was smarter.

“You’re unbelievable!” Childe chuckled as he let out the lighthearted remark. “Truly, truly unbelievable!” The harbinger’s laughter continued to ring out even as he sat down on the grassy mountain top, not knowing if his body felt like it was about to fall apart from the run or from the laughter he had just belted out.

“Well since you brought that bottle of wine all the way up this mountain, how about we open it up? I need a drink and a half after everything that’s just happened.” He needed a much different wine, Childe thought to himself, but he was not dumb enough to say that aloud. He would indulge in that one tomorrow. For now he was going to enjoy himself with non-memory erasing wine that was not filled with consequences with each glass.

Zhongli made his way to sit down on the ground next to him, pulling out the bottle of osmanthus wine from one the bags he set aside next to the sitting pair. He gave the bottle a hard stare before turning to Childe.

“We have no glasses to drink this with.” Zhongli had the audacity to look genuinely concerned as he stated the obvious, looking more distressed in that moment than he did on the way over to the mountain. Childe had to hold back another laugh from spilling out of him before he grabbed the bottle from Zhongli’s hand. He felt the amber pair of eyes follow him as he unscrewed the cap before holding the bottle up to his lips and tilting his head back to take a long gulp from the wine. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Childe acknowledged that this was not how you were supposed to drink wine. In another corner of his mind, he found that he really didn’t care.

“Here. We’re fine without glasses.” Childe held out the bottle towards Zhongli after he had taken the first swing from the bottle. Zhongli took a long look at the bottle before he let out an amused huff and was shaking his head.

“And you say I’m the unbelievable one.” Yet Zhongli’s actions betrayed his words as he took the bottle from Childe’s hands and took a sip for himself. No so perfect and polished now, was he, Childe observed. The cool and calm Zhongli had helped him threaten a man’s life the night before, ran away from the millelith with him, and was now drinking wine straight out of the bottle with him. When had Zhongli become so improper? Or maybe, had Zhongli always been like this? Childe could only wonder.

“You think the millelith will still be after us when we go back to town?” Childe decided on asking, though he had a feeling he already knew the answer.

“After you? Most definitely. I highly doubt they will be after me, however. They most likely believe that I was taken as a hostage rather than believe I’m an accomplice,” Zhongli answered thoughtfully.

“Oh great! If my head wasn’t wanted already, now they most definitely want me dead. At least I’m leaving tomorrow.” Childe didn’t even try to hide the disappointment in his voice as he spoke those words. He had really believed earlier that everything was starting to change. That maybe he could stay in Liyue for a bit longer, to stay with Zhongli and ignore everything that had happened. But of course, reality hit him. Childe was too much of a menace to safely keep in a city such as Liyue. He was too much of an anomaly, a troublemaker. No, a criminal. And there was no place for him in the harbor. He had finally accepted that, even if it was the last thing he wanted to do now. It didn’t matter, though. It wasn’t like he would remember.

Instead of responding, Zhongli turned away from Childe, that unreadable expression taking over his face as he looked at the night sky in front of them. Ah, that was an insensitive thing to say, wasn’t it? And that was why Childe did not drink with Zhongli often. He didn’t know how to keep his mouth shut. Did that stop him from taking another swing from the bottle, though? Not at all.

“Sorry,” Childe apologized after he took another sip from the bottle. “That was a bad thing to say.”

“No, it’s quite alright. You were only speaking the truth.” Zhongli continued to look away from Childe, looking anything but alright. The harbinger thought about probing the man about it but decided otherwise. He knew what it felt like to be interrogated about subjects he did not want to talk about all too well lately, he wouldn't pull the same thing on Zhongli. Though Childe couldn’t blame him. If he had been in Zhongli’s position and his close friend had been acting as suspicious as Childe had been lately, he’d be pretty concerned too.

“How about you and Liyue? Have you given any more thought to if you’re going to venture out of here?” Childe decided to change the subject to the one they had been discussing the other night, hoping to bring the other’s mood up. With the way Zhongli’s shoulders remained slump, Childe could only assume that he had failed at the task.

“Yes, actually. I’ve come to realize I’ve become too attached to Liyue. There’s just too many memories I have attached here. I don’t believe I would be able to depart from here for a long time. I have millennium after millennium’s worth of memories associated here. It would be hard to just let go without reason,” Zhongli explained wistfully. Childe nodded in understanding, though he wasn’t completely sure if Zhongli could see the action or not. 

But Childe understood completely. He understood how difficult it was to make decisions when memories tied you down. When thoughts loomed around in your head, even if you just wanted for them to dissipate. He understood it all far too well.

“Memories are difficult. I’ve only had over two decades and some worth and I’m already worn out. I don’t know how you do it, Zhongli.” Childe let himself fall back, his back now on the ground and his eyes still glued on to the man. How the man dealt with all that he had seen was far beyond Childe’s understanding. If Childe had to witness all that Zhongli had to witness over 6,000 years he would have gone insane by now. Yet Zhongli still stood steady, unwavering no matter what. He truly was something else.

“You really are unbelievable,” Childe uttered, this time in awe.

“You seem to really believe that.” Childe didn’t miss the smile that appeared back on the man’s face as Zhongli spoke.

The time that passed afterwards was peaceful, a calm conclusion to Childe’s last night in Liyue. A stark contrast to the event that had last taken place on the top of the mountain and had left Childe with more bruises than he could possibly keep track of. A final duel would had been a tad bit more interesting than quiet conversation over a bottle of wine, Childe had to acknowledge, but he wasn’t complaining. Just being able to spend the small amount of time left he had in Liyue with Zhongli was more than enough for him, even if it was anything but eventful.

At least that would be the case if Childe could keep his mouth shut.

“Remember the jewelry store?” Childe had eventually asked later that night when the alcohol he had consumed was much more and his sense of judgement was clouded. Zhongli gave a nod of acknowledgement, much less alcohol in his body and much more aware. Though he must have not been completely aware, or else he would have noticed just how close the two of them were compared to earlier when they had just begun to drink. Instead of the empty space of grass they had between the earlier, Childe laid right at Zhongli’s side as Zhongli continued to sit, albeit he was leaned over somewhat, his face closer to Childe’s than earlier as his arm supported him.

“The one we were just at earlier today, correct?” Zhongli asked for clarification.

“Yeah, that one! Though I guess you could say it was more of an antique store since it had pots and all that but…” Childe let himself trail off before he caught his bearings and continued on. “But that’s besides the point. Remember the earrings?”

“Yes,” Zhongli answered, looking confused as to where this was going. Childe brought a hand up to where the new piercing hung from Zhongli’s ear, the matching earring still dangling from Childe’s ear, and brushed past it before moving his hand to the man’s cheek.

“Remember when I was putting the earring on you?” Childe continued, his hand traveling from the man’s cheek to the back of his head, his long hair traveling through Childe’s fingers. The harbinger mentally scolded himself for keeping his gloves on. If he had been a man with more sense, he would have taken the gloves off before to be able to feel the strands of hair that laid between his finger tips.

“Yes.” Childe watched the way Zhongli’s Adam’s apple moved as he took a nervous gulp.

“I almost tried to kiss you, you know.” Childe pressed the hand on the back of Zhongli’s head down gently, causing the man to slowly come closer to the harbinger. Childe waited for the man to object but was meant with no resistance.

“Ah, I see,” Zhongli had simply said, an obvious quiver in his voice once Childe stopped his hand when their faces were only inches apart. It was cute. It was cute seeing the polished man caught so off guard for once.

“I was wondering, if this time, I could actually go through with it.” Childe waited for Zhongli’s answer as he watched the man gaze down at Childe’s lips before looking him in the eye once again. Childe was so sure that in a moment Zhongli would move closer, finally closing the gap between them. Which was why he had not expected it when Zhongli suddenly moved back, sitting up more than he had just been before and looking very much uncomfortable. Childe suddenly felt much more sober than he had just a few moments ago.

“Was that too much? Oh shit I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m so sorry,” Childe scrambled for an apology as hurried to sit straight up. Though with a second glance, Childe could see that Zhongli didn’t look uncomfortable. Rather he just looked… disappointed? Childe didn’t know if that was better or worse.

“No, it’s just that I hadn’t thought that…” Zhongli trailed off before shaking his head, deciding on something better to say. “I can’t do this when…” Childe continued to quietly watch the man try to articulate his words, a rare situation for either of them.

“I should have said something earlier,” Zhongli finally decided on saying. Childe continued to stare at him, not knowing if his confusion was due to Zhongli’s vague words or the alcohol still in his system.

“Huh?” Childe let out the questioning sound, hoping to get a much clearer explanation than the one he was receiving right then.

“The wine, Childe,” Zhongli reiterated more firmly. Childe took a glance down at the bottle of wine that sat near them back to look at Zhongli, a silent question being asked.

“The wine?” Childe asked for clarification. Though as the words left Childe’s mouth and he stared longer at Zhongli’s face, that was now molded into an expression of grave seriousness, he had a sinking feeling that Zhongli was not talking about the wine that was sitting in front of them.

“The shopkeeper, the antique shop, the wine, all of it,” Zhongli listed off, his serious expression morphing into the unreadable one, as his voice wavered more than Childe had ever heard it before.

“When were you going to tell me about the wine, Childe?”

Chapter Text

“When were you going to tell me about the wine, Childe?” The mentioned man froze at the question, the scenery of the mountain top feeling much less peaceful and a lot more constricting. Zhongli remained silent, adamant on wanting to hear the harbinger’s answer. However, Childe didn’t exactly have an answer for him.

“How do you know about that?” Childe asked in an accusatory tone instead of answering the question. He was well aware that he wasn't exactly in the position to be using that sort of tone right then but all logic had already left his head. The only coherent thoughts running through the harbinger’s mind were between him internally screaming at himself to run and another part that told him to just lash out on Zhongli. To yell and scream into his throat felt raw and numb. A part of him knew Zhongli didn't deserve that right now. But when had Childe ever made the right choice lately? One more bad choice would mean nothing in such a long line of wrong doings.

Childe could only be thankful when Zhongli begun to speak again before Childe could do anything dumb. He was not thankful, however, for that unidentified expression that still laid on Zhongli’s face and the way his posture had lost all of the poise and confidence it usually displayed. If a stranger had happened to stumble upon the pair right then, Childe wasn't sure if they would be able to tell which one was currently dealing with an alcohol problem.

“How do I know?” Zhongli repeated, his tone of voice becoming unnaturally neutral. Childe didn’t know if the sudden change in the other man’s mood made him uncomfortable or angrier. He supposed it didn’t matter though. None of it really did.

“Perhaps you could have gotten away with me never knowing if it weren’t for our breakfast yesterday,” Zhongli began. Childe’s face furrowed into an expression of confusion, the ugly feeling that made its way into the pit of his stomach temporarily replaced by a greater one of inquisitiveness. Out of all ways Zhongli had even begun to figure out what had been tormenting Childe for weeks, it was from breakfast ?

“When we were dining on the meal you had made, I happened to look in the direction of one of your windows. The wine bottle was in plain sight right on the counter under it.” Childe felt his eyes widen as he replayed the meal over in his head. Or rather the night before that. He had pushed that last part of the day to a dark corner of his mind, hoping to never remember it. Yet Childe could now easily recall the dismal feeling in his heart as he had sat in front of the wine bottle the night after Zhongli’s apology. He could recall the way he was just so close to trying to drink away his memory once again only to back out at the last moment. He could recall how he put the bottle of wine on his kitchen counter, opting to deal with it in the morning rather than that night. He could recall the indescribable expression that sat on Zhongli’s face as they had eaten their breakfast together the next day, his gaze most definitely shifting in the direction of the wine multiple times.

“Ah.” Childe didn’t have much to say for himself at that moment. For as much of a fighter he was, he could also admit defeat. And right here, he had a blade held up to his throat, one wrong move and he would be gone.

“The wine is in a fairly recognizable bottle so I was already sure that the liquid was the wine. I had not quite anticipated that you had already used it, however, until our visit to the Bubu Pharmacy and Baizhu had mentioned you were having memory problems. Though after that incident, everything made sense. Every time I had even so much as to alluded to your circumstances, you pushed me away or changed the subject.” Childe felt his eyes widen almost comically at those words. Zhongli had known since yesterday morning? All that time Childe had actively tried to hide his secret, Zhongli had known. He had seen through Childe’s act, the brave mask he had tried to put on useless against Zhongli’s perceptive gaze.

“You knew for that long?” Childe asked, the answer already obvious. Yet somewhere in the back of his mind, he wished for Zhongli to take back his words. To tell him “No, I know nothing.” For him to say that he was playing a cruel joke and had no clue what Childe was talking about.

To his dismay, that was exactly what Zhongli did not do.

“Yes,” Zhongli simply replied with, his head nodding as he spoke the word. The shock from the revelation began to wear off of Childe’s mind, replaced by a much different emotion, a burning heat building up in his veins. Childe once again wanted to lash out at the man. Wanted to scream in his face to stop always being one step ahead of him. Wanted to scream at him to just leave Childe to his misery alone. Wanted to scream at him to stop making everything so difficult for Childe. Wanted to scream at him to show any damn emotion right now, even if it meant he had to see that miserable expression once more.

Yet, Childe remained silent, his lips pressed together in a frown and his eyebrows drawn together. There would be time later to let Zhongli have it. For now, Childe had many more questions for the man that he would have answered, even if his patience was already running thin.

“How did you even figure it out though? It looks just like a regular bottle of wine,” Childe questioned, getting a thoughtful hum in response form Zhongli.

“A good question indeed. I don’t know about anywhere else in Teyvat, but here in Liyue, the Heart’s Desire book series is very popular. It is even told through spoken word frequently, such as the story Liu Su was beginning to tell before we had ventured to Second Life. It’s based off of the very store that you had visited to purchase the wine from. Actually, in the first volume of the series, the plot revolves around a doomed couple and their dealings with the same exact wine,” Zhongli continued to list off as if he were telling Childe another simple tale about Liyue rather than a serious conversation. Childe had to bite his lip to prevent himself from screaming at the man to not act so impassive.

“So you figured this all out from a story book?” Childe managed to sneer out with not too much spite.

“Well, no. Even if I may appear mortal now, I was once Rex Lapis. I still carry millennia worth of knowledge with me. That shopkeeper and her shop have existed for as long as Liyue has, most likely much longer than that if I had to assume. Its existence is something that not just I, but many other gods have been aware of for quite some time. I have been there a few times myself, even. That shopkeeper, she’s quite the troublesome god,” Zhongli put a finger up to his chin in a thoughtful manner as he looked up for a moment, clearly looking back on past memories from many many years ago.

Childe tried not to think about how Zhongli’s description had easily matched the description provided by the storyteller when he had mentioned Heart’s Desire being a cautionary tale. And he most definitely did not think about how he was not the most intelligent one for continuing to follow along with the shopkeeper’s charades. His intellect had already been insulted enough when Zhongli revealed himself to be an archon as if it were just another normal Tuesday afternoon.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Childe decided on asking.

“I had attempted to. Many times. I had intended on informing you I knew about the wine after we had finished debt collecting last night but then I had noticed your shoulder was injured,” Zhongli begun, causing Childe’s cheeks to heat up in a hot embarrassment for a moment of realizing just how dumb he was the night before. He had remembered that moment Zhongli was talking about very well. He remembered the way Zhongli’s eyes laid on him as if he was the brightest star in the sky. He remembered how close Zhongli had been. He remembered the way his heart has been drumming in his chest because he had been so convinced Zhongli was going to confess to him, that he returned Childe’s feelings.

If only Childe knew how wrong he was back then.

Zhongli was indeed going to confess. But instead of words that Childe would have been happy to hear then, no matter how bittersweet it would have ended, it was words that brought a dreadful feeling to Childe’s chest. Zhongli brought about a confession that the pair both knew would not end well. A confession that would end in flames burning down the structure of friendship they had only just built back up, only for it to return to a pile of ashes.

“There was also today. I had hinted to you a multitude of times that I was aware of your situation. There was the bookstore, of course. I had recommended the first volume of Heart’s Desire to you but I assume you had not been aware that the book was based upon a similar situation you are facing. There were also the times when I had mentioned you could tell me anything. Or the conversation we had about Ajax the Great and how I do not believe you will be the cause of your downfall. I had believed you would figure out I was aware of the issues you have been facing after these conversations,” Zhongli continued to ramble on but it still didn’t answer Childe’s question.

“Well obviously I didn’t figure it out. But once again, why didn’t you say something?” The harbinger’s tone became much harsher, his patience all about gone.  

“I’m sorry? I believe I just explained how I’ve said something.” And that was when any semblance of a calm composure Childe had started to break.

“No, I mean, why didn’t you say something so obvious if you were so concerned? You definitely spent a good chunk of your time stating very obviously just how beautiful I was and buttering me up. So why couldn’t you have given that same energy to making me aware that you knew something as major as this?” Both of the two men knew that this question was not one to be answered. Or rather it was not one that could be answered. The actions had already been done, words already said. Zhongli had many powers under his belt, but time traveling and fixing his actions was not one of them. As it stood, the only thing Zhongli could do was act in the present and worry about the future. Even as Childe’s voice began to rise and his hands gripped the grass tightly enough that he could pull it out from the ground, Zhongli remained calm, focused on what words he could say next to diffuse the situation.

“Ah, I see,” was all Zhongli said.

However, Zhongli was not one to have the right words when it counted the most. Perhaps that was his biggest downfall.

“Ah, I see?” Childe mocked, his voice sounding as if it were on the edge of insanity. “Is that all you have to say for yourself?”

Childe’s arms raised in the air in an aggravated fashion before plopping down to the ground. He didn’t know if he wanted to scream until his lungs bled or laugh until tears came spilling out of his eyes. Perhaps he wanted to do both. In that moment, he felt crazy enough to do so.

“You can’t think of anything better to say than that right now? Surely you can have a more creative response than that!” Zhongli opened his mouth to respond, obviously taking Childe’s words literally. However, Childe was quick to speak again to cut him off, that harbinger holding up his pointer finger for a moment in a shushing motion before his hand fell back to the ground.

“No, don’t even answer that. I don’t want to hear whatever bullshit excuse you have now.” It was not surprising when Zhongli barely batted an eye at the harbinger’s words, the only change in his expression his mouth closing back shut to let Childe continue to rant on. Yet Childe could only feel himself getting angrier and angrier when he saw no sort of reaction come from his words. He wanted to watch Zhongli’s lips turn into a frown. He wanted his eyes to water from unspilled tears. He wanted Zhongli to holler at him. He wanted to watch Zhongli wither in despair from just how much of a fucking mess Childe was.

There was no true reason for Childe to be as angry as he was at Zhongli. Aggravated? Yes. But genuinely angry? No. Yet, Childe still did not attempt to fan out the flames burning deep down inside of him. He had just about enough of every misturn and misstep he had encountered ever since he drank that wine. And Zhongli would witness the fire that Childe would burn into.

“You know, it’s actually pretty funny.” Childe’s face remained contorted in a rage that was wrongfully aimed at Zhongli, the victim of his terrible mood that should have been aimed at himself and the world, even as he said the line. It actually wasn’t very funny, or else Childe would have been laughing. No instead, it was pretty annoying and caused Childe to go to the lengths of having to drink away his memory of the man.

Childe once again did not acknowledge the common sense side of his mind that told him Zhongli was not responsible for his horrible coping methods.

“For as long as you’ve lived, you still have pretty shitty social skills!” Childe continued with his enraged criticism. “You can speak a whole lot of the truth when it comes to flattering me, but what about when it really matters? You seemed pretty silent after lying to me for an entire year! How long did it take you to say something? A month ? A whole fucking month? A whole fucking month where i thought of you as a liar and was looked at in disgust by every single person in this city? Sorry but not all of us have every second of the universe in our hands!” If it were not for the horrible mood he was already in, Childe could have sang in delight at Zhongli’s face. It was not much of a change, most likely not even noticeable to the average person, but it still caught Childe’s eye. The man’s eyes had narrowed slightly, however a much different expression than the one he had when he narrowed his eyes in focus. This one stood more on the edge of a similar emotion to Childe’s current one. An expression that finally showed that Zhongli had finally reached the end of what had seemed like a never ending line of patience.

This just caused Childe to egg him on even more, of course.

“But okay, let’s forget about that then. We’ve already resolved that argument, correct? Instead let’s take a look at right now. Once again, you’ve pulled the same shit on me! Instead of saying it how it is, you dance around the subject and act all surprised when I’m clueless and angry. Well maybe if I was made aware, I wouldn’t be so angry! You’re Rex Lapis, right? You have all the knowledge in your brain. You must know that staying silent and not saying anything isn't going to work in these situations. So why couldn’t you just speak sooner? Why couldn’t you just help me sooner? Why couldn’t yo-”

“Because I was scared!” Both Childe and Zhongli flinched back at the shout that left Zhongli’s mouth. Wide eyes laid on Zhongli’s face, the man looking more surprised at his own outburst than Childe.

In the entire year Childe had spent in Liyue, he was not sure he could easily recall a time he witnessed Zhongli raising his voice at someone, nevertheless yelled at them. Yet there the usually calm and collected man sat in front of him, his face contorted in a mixture of shock at his own actions and despair. It was enough for Childe to almost forget his own fury. Almost .

“I was scared,” Zhongli repeated in a much quieter and shaky voice. He took a deep breath to compose himself, allowing another moment of silence to pass by the two. Allowing Childe to observe the man in front of him. Zhongli’s hands trembled where they sat in his lap, not a far cry from the way Childe would fidget when he was nervous. The stare that he kept on Childe almost seemed like a struggle to maintain, as if Zhongli wanted to look anywhere other than at the harbinger. Everything that had made the man poised and composed had left in the wind, only leaving the deepest part of Zhongli out in the open.

Not Rex Lapis. Not Morax. Just Zhongli.

“I was scared,” Zhongli started again. “Because I had only just gained back your favor. For as many years as I have lived, a month for me would be the equivalent of a minute for you. Yet that month we had been estranged for felt much longer than a moment. I have spent decades in war before, waited centuries for allies to return, and waited millennia for Liyue to become what it has today yet that month of disunity between us has found its place of importance ranked among those events.”

Childe began to feel the fire burning in himself disperse. The burning sensation turning to one that compared to the freezing cold winters of Snezhnaya. The winters that froze the skin on your bones so much that the pain eventually went away, leaving a numbing feeling that made you unsure if your limbs were still even there. If it were not for himself purposely focusing on the sounds of his pulse racing, the effort of mentally grasping on to the thin straws of emotion he felt, Childe may have believed he simply felt nothing; The fire he had felt just moments ago destroying anything that could make Childe feel .

“I was overjoyed with how we spent today. The moments we had, the way you made me feel, and the way I finally figured out just how you felt about me. I must say, the majority of this day will be a highlight in the memories of my mortal life. But I also soon found myself remorseful. Because if you felt such a way about me, that could only mean the reason why you drank that one was because of me. I’m the reason you have found yourself in this situation. Not once have I already caused a great disturbance in your life, but twice now.” Zhongli looked terribly guilty after his confession, yet his eyes still remained on Childe. For as much as he looked as if he were in shambles, Zhongli still held a conviction in his eyes when he looked at the harbinger. 

This was a common pattern, wasn’t it? No matter where they are or what trouble they faced, Zhongli’s main sight was Childe. No matter if it were the bookstore where they discussed legends of fallen warriors and gods or being confronted by guards and weapons pointed directly at them, Zhongli was always staring at Childe as if he were something Zhongli had hold on to. As if he were something Zhongli wanted to grab before the wind blew him away and brought him too to the lifeless dust like so many he had known before.

Just as if he were entering the warmth of his own Snezhnayan home after a day in the snow, Childe felt the numbing emptiness melt away from him, replaced with the painful sting of finally being able to feel again. The conflicting combination of the bone chilling warmth and hot hot pain enough to stun the man, a similar sensation to the overwhelment of the current thoughts running through his mind. The thoughts of the way Childe finally recognized Zhongli was just a man and not a divine figure that reigned from a mighty throne anymore. That he was just a man who could feel downright terrified and make dastardly mistakes. That he was just a man who could feel immense joy and love so much that it felt as if he could overflow.

The thoughts of the way that for as much as Childe could raise his voice and yell, nothing would ever change what had happened in the past. That trying to break down the man in front of him would not chase away the troubles that followed his own self.

The thoughts of the way Childe had looked at Zhongli with both loath for what had come for them and an unending adoration was perfectly mirrored by the other. That all the nervousness Childe had felt about his feelings towards the other man were for naught. That he had been the song Zhongli’s heart had sung for all this time.

And then there were the thoughts of how this situation would realistically play out. How Childe had screwed up more than he could fix. How Liyue had strayed further and further out of Childe’s grasp that he could no longer hope to reach it anymore.

No matter what explanation Zhongli gave him, no matter what truth he spoke, nothing could change the circumstances that they both stood in. Nothing would change the fact that Liyue was no longer a home Childe was welcomed in, the both of them knew that. Perhaps that was why Zhongli made no move to stop Childe when he made his retreat. He had already known they both were fighting a losing battle.

“I-” Childe began but couldn’t find the right words to articulate the complicated turmoil that was storming around in his head, even as he stood up. Zhongli’s eyes followed the harbinger as he stood up but remained sitting on the ground. However, Childe could see the way his expression changed. The way shame clouded the amber in his eyes and a quiet goodbye sat on his lips.

“I should leave,” Childe finally decided on saying. No he shouldn't. He knew that. He knew that he should have stayed and spoke more with Zhongli. Should have made more of a move to resolve the entire issue between the pair before they were to never see each other again. He knew he should do anything other than run away and leave that as their last goodbye.

But of course, Childe was still a coward when it came to Zhongli. Perhaps he was no better than the man he seemed keen on criticizing.

Childe waited a moment, his eyes watching the sitting figure. As to why he hesitated then, Childe could not be fully aware of. There were a multitude of obvious reasons, of course. Maybe he hesitated because he still did not want to leave the city he had called home for a year. Maybe he hesitated because he was not yet ready to say goodbye to Zhongli. Maybe he hesitated because in the end, he was not ready to let of his memory even if it was unavoidable at this point, lest he wanted to go insane with grief in Snezhnaya.

Or maybe he had stood there for that moment, waiting for Zhongli to stop him.

Zhongli did not, however.

“Okay,” was all the man uttered. Of course he wasn’t going to try to stop Childe. Why had he believed any better? Neither of the two men had even so much as uttered the word “goodbye” before Childe began to descend down the mountain, Zhongli’s eyes following the figure. It wasn’t until Childe was long out of his sight that he finally broke his gaze, choosing to bury his head into his hands.

When Zhongli finally lifted his head back up, he wasn’t the least bit surprised to see wet spots on his gloves.

The sky was dark when Childe found himself outside of the antique shop.

Not the usual darkness that came with the nighttime sky. The darkness that was still lit up even on the cloudiness night, the stars and moon lighting up a path even through the darkest of nights.

No, the starless sky was pitch black. Not even the moon shone in the sky. Instead, a veil of a dark void blanketed Childe’s surroundings, reminding him of a certain abyss he fell into many years ago too much for his liking. The only source of light shining through the frosted windows of the shop. The man hurried his way over to the building, not wanting to bet stuck in the suffocating shadows for longer than was required. He had a sinking feeling that if the only source of light he had then suddenly vanished, he would be stuck lost in the limbo of a place for much longer than he would have liked.

It was when Childe had finally made his way to the entrance of the store and allowed himself inside, that he caught sight of the shopkeeper, patiently sitting at the checkout counter. Her golden fox-like stare was planted on Childe, the intense gaze feeling as if it were boring a hole straight through him. Childe had half the mind to turn on his heel and leave the shop right then, the dark void that lay outside of the building the only thing that stopped him.

“Oh, you’re finally here, Childe,” the shopkeeper greeted, an uncanny smirk spreading out over her lips as she leaned her head on one of her hands. The man in question shifted uncomfortably in his place at the front of the shop, taking hesitant steps towards the shopkeeper. Unlike the time he was at the shop before, he had enough mind to know that he had never told the woman his name.

“How do you know my name?” Childe’s words came out as more of a demand than a question, his tone not too far from the one he used on his subordinates when he masked his fear with indignation. Unlike the Fatui members, however, the shopkeeper simply let out a laugh.

“Would you prefer if I called you Tartaglia, instead?” She asked, not missing the way Childe’s eyes narrowed. “Or Ajax, perhaps? I know that consultant has been pretty keen on addressing you as such lately?”

Childe was not against pulling out a blade right then and there, holding it against the shopkeeper’s neck in a way not too unlike the way he held it up to Mr. Chen’s. A god or not, he was not against resorting to such measures. He had already been way past where his patience ended and had enough conversation for that night. He would never consider the idea of threatening Zhongli with the weapon, not with how the two of them had grown in the past few days, but he would not give the same sentiment to the shopkeeper.

Yet Childe held himself back for one reason, and one reason alone. The shopkeeper was still useful to him. He had not forgotten the words she had spoke just before he had left the store for the second time.

“ If you find yourself truly unable to figure out the situation in the next few days, I may have something else that could help you truly decide,” she had said back then, an almost dangerous glint in her eyes. And Childe was adamant on finding out what she meant. As it stood, he was at the precipice- No, he had already fallen off the edge. He was spiraling downwards through an almost endless void. But perhaps he could stop his fall, or lessen the pain of landing.

But this understanding did not stop Childe from speaking his mind. He knew how to be polite and how to charm people into his favor, he had done it many times enough. Yet this night was one where Childe forgwent the metaphorical mask he wore many times before. This night was the one where Childe finally got his answers, the one where he would find a means to an end, either for the memories that haunted him or his own self.

After all, wasn’t he his own downfall?

“How do you know that?” Childe sneered out. The smile that laid on the shopkeeper’s lips fell, a sour frown replacing the expression.

“Do you think you’re in the place to use that tone with me right now?” The shopkeeper responded, her tone almost matching the one Childe used on her. The sentence and expression on the shopkeeper’s face alone made Childe take a mental step back. The angry expression he wore on his own face wavering before a sigh left his lips, the rage exiting his body with the air that left his mouth.

Who was he kidding? He was just wearing another mask on top of the next. A mask of enragement that gave away to the cold fear he had been feeling ever since Zhongli had confronted him on top of Mt. Tianheng.

Wasn’t that what Childe was always doing? Wearing a mask to hide just how small and powerless he was in the grand scheme of things?

“But to answer your question,” the shopkeeper continued in a much more amiable tone, sensing the withdrawal of the harbinger’s irritable mood.

“You must know what I am by now. Zhongli has already explained to you that I am just a god in the end.” The shopkeeper took a pause, the golden glint in her eyes turning into something much more ancient that Childe had only seen few times before. “And I too, just like any other god, will come to see what will come to fruition in the end. Even fallen gods. Morax already has, if his confession earlier has anything to say.”

Childe remained silent at the riddle of words the shopkeeper spoke, the question in his eyes enough if an answer in itself. The shopkeeper let out one of her amused laughs as she caught sight of his face.

“You could just say in similar words that I have a good sense of what goes on in the world, including your troubles in love with Mr. Zhongli. Zhongli, however, has not used any godly power to come to the conclusion of what has been troubling your mind as of lately. That was all just his own brain power and observations. Jeez, he truly doted over you. He really is just like a mortal now,” the shopkeeper explained in a much more understandable way to Childe.

“A mortal who’s seen it all and lived for much too long for his own sanity,” the shopkeeper uttered that list bit in a tone that Childe was not quite sure he was supposed to hear. Her eyes drifted off to the side, an almost nostalgic shine in her eyes. Though as quick as emotion had made itself visible, it was soon gone from her face as she made a move to reach under the counter.

“You’ve come for this, I’ll assume.” The shopkeeper pulled out an almost full wine bottle from under the counter, its shape and contents seemingly identical to the wine bottle that sat in Childe’s house, before . “Something for the… more difficult cases.”

The short moment of clarity that Childe had been in was soon good, instead filled with a new set of mental questions. The main one being: why was she just handing him another bottle of the wine that had been obviously not working? It was just another bottle of troubles for Childe. Another temporary solution he could only hope would be permanent once he left for home. Didn’t she have anything better?

However, before Childe could even make a move to question the woman, she began to answer Childe’s question as if she could read his mind. It seemed a lot of people were doing that to him lately. Was he really that obvious?

“I can see it on your face that you already think you know what this is. But no, it’s not the same bottle of wine that I gave you. This bottle is a bit different.” She took a second to give Childe an almost chastising look. “I’m to assume you’ve never read Heart’s Desire , correct?”

“Yes, I’ve never read it,” Childe took an almost embarrassed look to the side before continuing. “But I must say, it’s been mentioned so many times today that I probably should have.”

“Maybe, but it doesn’t matter now. I’ll just take a minute to explain my favorite volume from the series. After all, we have all the time we need here. An endless amount, if I had to say.” The shopkeeper looked up from the wine bottle with an eerie gaze, only broken by laughter when she caught sight of the wide eyed expression on Childe’s face.

“There’s no reason to worry. It’s nothing that should concern a mortal, even one such as yourself,” she reassured the man before returning to the previous subject. “But to get back to the point, let’s talk about the first volume of the series: Moonlight .” The woman relaxed into her chair once more, her eyes settling on the blanket of darkness that laid outside the shop’s windows. Childe turned to look out the window, but was still meant with just a seemingly endless void, no moonlight in sight. By the time he turned back around to face the shopkeeper, her stare had returned back to Childe, almost as if she had never looked away in the first place.

“ Moonlight is based on the very wine that you have been drinking for the current week. It deals with a man who was one of my more consistent customers many years ago and the young woman who was the subject of his affections.” An almost reminiscent haze clouded the shopkeeper’s eyes as she began her story, as if she were recalling a memory rather than a story.

“You see, not unlike you, this was not a situation of unrequited love. None of these cases are. For unrequited love is much easier to leave to wither on its own. Requited love that is not meant to be however, it never truly goes away I don’t believe. You can hide the pain in a deep corner inside of you, but it is still there. It still exists. That’s why people aim to forget, because that is the only way they could ever hope to make the pain go away. That is why this couple had appeared in my shop all that time ago.”

“You see, the woman loved this young man with as much conviction as he did her. But unbeknownst to her, this man was to one day disappear. He was… one of the chosen. One day he would part ways with this world, almost as if he had never been here at all. Yet instead of telling her this, he came to me instead. He asked me for something to help forget. But this request was not for him, it was for the woman. I fulfilled his request, of course. What kind of shopkeeper would I be if I denied all of my customers?” The small smile that had been building up on the shopkeeper’s face fell away as her body visibly slumped down. “I wish I did, though.”

“The man made an effort to avoid her, to remove himself from her life suddenly as if he never existed. From that point, it was easy. It only took the passing sentence of a mysterious shop that could grant anyone what they desired, spoken as I passed by her on the street, to bring her to the shop.” The shopkeeper took a pause from her memory to make eye contact with Childe, an intense glow in her golden eyes. By then, Childe had slowly moved closer and closer to the shopkeeper, his interest deeply entwined into the words he spoke. He had a very strong feeling the story would not end well, that if it were a cautionary tale there would be no happy ending. Yet even with that knowledge, he wanted to hear what happened next. He wanted to witness what had caused such a downfall.

“Seven times she visited. Seven times she had come wanting to forget that man. Each time, he stood in the back of the shop silent as could be, witnessing her come undone at the seams, a part of her lost every time she entered the shop. Yet every time she entered, she never remembered the previous times. To this day, I still don’t know why. My best guess is that the wine works differently on different people. While she had never remembered me, she never forgot the memories those two shared, only the pain. It was much too easy for her to remember the young man if she thought hard enough. Yet with you, you forgot everything about Zhongli, the good and the bad. Everything that had been tied to the man had vanished for you in a split second. But one thing is constant, the pain caused is always forgotten, at least until it is remembered.” The shopkeeper tapped a finger on the wine glass that sat in front of her. “And no matter who drinks this, they will always forget about their heart’s desire. Always . By always I mean for forever.”

“I told you I had something stronger you could use if you found yourself in deeper trouble, and I meant it. If you’re willing to, you can drink this, and you will never remember that consultant. It’ll be like how it was before you had ever even heard his name,” the shopkeeper offered, her fingers coming to snake around the neck of the bottle. Childe didn’t even need to think before he responded, caution taking up the forefront of his mind for once.

“What happened to the couple? The harbinger wanted to hear the end of the story before he even considered his decision, not forgetting how the shopkeeper was the subject of a cautionary tale.

“Oh? The ending? Well in the book, it ends right as I offered the man this same wine and asked him what we should do next. However, if you are asking about what happened beyond the book,” A pause from her and a nod from the harbinger. “I suppose I could fill you in. It was a simple ending actually. I gave her a glass of this wine the next time and she forgot about him fully. She never showed up to my shop again. As for the man, one day he disappeared after that and I never heard from him again. I can only assume it was his time for departure.” The shopkeeper gave Childe a fixed look. “Any other questions?”

Yes, actually. Childe had one last burning question. One last thing he needed answered before he made his decision. One last answer he needed to determine his fate.

“Was the woman happy afterwards?” The shopkeeper took a moment to consider the question, her posture becoming straighter and more attentive as if she had not expected Childe to ask her that.

“She was content, I believe. Happy, however… happiness is a difficult thing to define. After the incident, she had continued to live the life she had before she had meant the young man mostly. Though it seemed as if there was something missing. Which, there was, Her memories. Even though she had gotten rid of that pain, a substantial part of her growth as a person had also dissipated. She had chosen to remove a chunk of herself, never to return again. Our memories make up a part of who we are. The people we meet are deeply woven into us, acquaintances to best friends, enemies to lovers. Everyone we meet makes a home in our hearts. Forgetting them is forgetting a part of us. So to answer your question, I don’t know if she was happy. I don’t know if she was happy to lose a piece of herself. Does that answer your question?” Childe had to admit to himself that no, his true question was not answered. But when had all of the questions running through his mind ever been answered? When had the universe ever given him a straight answer? He knew the risks of losing the memory of Zhongli, he had experienced it multiple times first hand. Yet he still couldn't make up his mind. He still didn’t know if he was truly ready to permanently forget about the man, to never remember him no matter how hard he tried.

“If I could give a word of advice,” the shopkeeper spoke again, noticing the obvious turmoil written all over Childe’s face. “I honestly wouldn’t recommend drinking this. I have witnessed these same events one too many times play out between too many different pairs. It doesn't end as good as you would think most of the time.”

Even if he had been the one to seek out the shopkeeper’s guidance in the first place, that didn’t stop an argument from forming on his lips. What was he supposed to do other than forget? Where was he supposed to go? Was he supposed to remember? Was he supposed to let the ghost of a man he would leave behind haunt him from miles away?

“What else am I supposed to do then?” Childe asked. The shopkeeper gave Childe an almost exasperated look before a sigh left her mouth. Her eyes held that same disappointed glint it had harbored days before when Childe had last visited. And just as last time, she did not explain herself, opting to continue the conversation as it had been going instead.

“Just follow the original plan. Drink the other wine and leave. If you never see that man again, you won’t ever know the difference between what you drank. At least in the case that you drank the other wine, you can always take you decision back. That if fate has other plans for you, it won’t be too late. I believe it to be the smarter decision to just follow through with the original preparations you had set out.” Ah, Childe could agree with that more. Even if the idea of having a chance of remembering Zhongli did not sound exactly appealing, it was more sensical than the certainty of never recalling the man ever again. No matter how much he tried to deny it, Childe had to admit to himself that the thought of truly losing Zhongli brought a sick drop to his stomach.

But just like the shopkeeper said, it wouldn’t matter what he chose in the end, right? It brought about the same result if he was leaving the source of such memories.

“Ok, I’ll go with that then, I suppose,” Childe decided, giving one last look to the bottle of wine and the shopkeeper before making his move to exit. It was a few steps before he paused, “I should thank you, even if I was a troublesome case.”

A laugh rang out from behind him in response.

“Of course, Ajax. I provide service for all of my customers.” The shopkeeper paused a moment, not speaking again until Childe was inches away from the door. “Ah, before you go. Make sure to leave a little left in the wine bottle when you go drinking your last sip. Just leave it on the table when you’re done, I’ll take care of the rest of it.”

Childe turned around to question the shopkeeper’s word but when he looked to the back of the shop, she was nowhere to be seen.

Heh. Always a mystery, wasn’t she? Childe shook his head before he exited out of the shop, already planning his departure for the next day. It was when he took his first steps outside that instead of the dark void from earlier, the night time streets of the docks laid out in front of Childe.

He reckoned he should probably get home.

Childe felt his heart drop when he caught sight of the man sitting on the steps leading to his doorstep. He had almost been at the end, the finish line in sight. Yet there was still an obstacle blocking his way, still-

“Childe.” The harbinger froze in place at the sound of his name, the man standing up from his place on the steps.

“Zhongli,” Childe said as Zhongli began to walk over to where Childe stood, leaving one of the bags from the purchases that day on the doorstep. If Childe had to assume, it was most likely the same bag that continued their purchase from the Wanwen Bookhouse. A frown made its way onto Childe’s face as he prepare to tell Zhongli to take the book away from Childe but Zhongli had already started to talk.

“You visited her again, didn’t you?” Even though it was worded as a question, Childe could hear the certainty in Zhongli’s voice. He already knew the answer to his question, asking Childe for his answer was just a courtesy.

“Yes.” Even if Zhongli knew what words Childe would speak, the harbinger still answered. Because in the end, what did Childe have to hide anymore? Zhongli had seen through his charade in the end and would continue to until the end.

“Yet you still remember me?” Childe took a moment to consider the question, deciphering what Zhongli’s words truly meant. If taken at face value, the question did not make complete sense. Yet, when applied with the destination Childe had just returned from, it made much more sense. Zhongli had been referring to the fact that Childe had not chosen to drink the stronger wine that had been offered to him by the shopkeeper. 

“Yes.” Zhongli should have been happy with the answer itself, but a slight frown still remained on his lips at Childe’s words.

‘Your expression looks as if you are not happy with that, however.” Ah, that was what still had Zhongli in such a dismal mood. He knew that Childe was still going to continue with his plan of going back to Snezhnaya and forget, even if it meant he was going to finish the bottle of wine that still sat on his kitchen counter. 

Childe averted his eyes away from Zhongli, not wanting to look at the depressing expression any longer. Or rather, he couldn’t bare to look at it any longer. He couldn’t bare to continue with the conversation anymore. Talking more just meant more time for Childe to hesitate, for Childe to go back on the arrangements he had already made.

“Why are you here?” Childe questioned, hoping Zhongli would get to the point and leave already. Childe refused to acknowledge the twist in his gut at the thought of Zhongli leaving him alone in the quiet night time of Liyue that somehow felt much darker than the empty sky outside of the antique shop.

“For selfish reasons, I must admit. I wanted to attempt one last time to sway your mind on leaving Liyue. And, perhaps I do not want you to forget me.” Out of the corner of his eye, Childe could see Zhongli move his arms in a thoughtful manner.

“Heh, yeah. That’s pretty selfish.” A small laugh left Childe’s lips at Zhongli’s words. Of course, he would say something like that. Zhongli was always selfish when it came to Childe leaving. Yet, Childe could never fully grasp why Zhongli was so upset with his departure. Zhongli had seen countless people leave his life time and time before, Childe was just another name to add to the list. Even if Zhongli may have returned Childe’s feelings, it wasn’t as if Childe was any more special than any other person Zhongli had felt a similar way to, right?

“Yes, I’m fully aware of that. But I’ve found myself to not care if it means I can guarantee your stay here in the end.” Zhongli truly was a cruel man. He was a cruel man for saying words when Childe already had his mind set. He was cruel for showing Childe what he was leaving behind. For showing Childe how much he cared when it was much too late.

“Zhongli, you know I can’t stay. We both know that,” Childe stated what he believed to be the obvious. Even if Childe wanted to stay so so badly, he simply could not. He was bound to return to Snezhnaya one day, even if it was not tomorrow. It would always be one day in the future. There would always be one day when Childe left where Zhongli could not follow.

“Why, though?”

It seemed Zhongli did not quite understand that, however. This circumstance being one of the ones he was not exactly perceptive in. Or rather, he was much too hopeful, even with the end in sight.

“Why?” Childe repeated the question, irritation rising into his voice as he turned his head to look at Zhongli fully once again. “Everyone here despises me. Firstly, they think I killed Rex Lapis. Secondly, I almost destroyed their city. And now they think I threatened an innocent man with a knife. I mean, yes, I did threaten him, but they don't know the full story.”

Zhongli remained silent at the explanation, a flash of somber understanding appearing in his eyes. Childe took a deep breath in to steady himself, not wanting to shout out the man like he had done earlier that night. He knew he wasn’t upset at Zhongli, he hadn’t for a while. He was upset at the world. He was upset at whatever force of nature brought this event to the surface of the already murky waters of Childe’s life. 

“So, see? There’s no reality in which I can stay here,” Childe continued to explain, hoping that he could just get his point across and make Zhongli leave already. Couldn’t he see that Childe was a lost cause?

“But there must be a wa-” Zhongli had begun, a rebuttal on his tongue, but was swiftly cut off by Childe.

“Zhongli, can you just stop already?” Zhongli immediately shut his mouth at Childe’s words, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

“Can’t you just leave me alone?” Childe continued, just trying to get Zhongli to turn around and walk away. To abandon Childe right then and there. To just stop caring so damn much . However, Zhongli seemed to not see that quite yet. Or maybe he chose to ignore it, still on a mission to keep Childe by his side for at least a little longer.

“If I leave you alone, you’ll drink that wine and leave,” Zhongli made a slight motion to the house behind him, an almost desperate aspect to his movements. Didn’t he see that that was the point of all of this?

“Can’t you see maybe that’s what I’m trying to do? That I’m trying to forget all of this?” Childe continued to explain, trying to just get Zhongli to understand . Yet Zhongli was still giving him that look. That look that made it seem as if Zhongli just could not comprehend that Childe was soon going to be gone. That he would have to let go of someone in his life once again.

“That I’m trying so hard to forget you yet you can’t just let me be,” Childe added on, an uncomfortable clarity to his voice. It was then that the acceptance was visible on Zhongli’s face. An almost quiet admission of defeat. A surrender in a battle he could never hope to win.

Childe hated that look on him.

Childe was also the one who put that look on to his face.

Thankfully, Zhongli looked away to the side, his face half hidden by the shadows of the night, almost as if he couldn't handle looking at Childe anymore after those words. Childe couldn’t exactly blame him.

“I understand. I shall leave you alone then, if that is your wish,” Zhongli spoke as if he was saying goodbye. The parting tone in his voice hitting Childe as if he had been punched in the stomach. Isn't this what Childe wanted? For Zhongli to finally leave him be? 

Of course Childe knew that wasn’t what he wanted. But it was what was necessary. Pain was necessary for one to leave their oat behind. This was just Childe’s final obstacle. The grand finale.

“Could I ask you a question, however?” Zhongli spoke again, a question in his voice. 

“What is it?” Zhongli turned his gaze back to Childe at the man’s voice, his eyes set in a much more focused stare. Almost as if he had already seen the outcome in this situation.

“Do you regret us meeting?” Childe froze at the question. How was he supposed to answer something like that? Never in the span of the week had he ever thought of that. Of course countless thoughts of how dire it was that he left soon haunted his mind, even in sleep, but never, not once had he asked himself if he regretted meeting Zhongli.

Did he? Did he regret the soft smiles and delightful meals? Did he regret the captivating stories and exciting ventures? Did he regret the silent grief and lies? Did he regret the feeling of drowning in doubt and painful goodbyes?

Childe wasn’t so sure he knew the answer. Zhongli, however, appeared to think otherwise.

“Nevermind the question. I would not want to require you to answer something if you were not amenable to it.” But the look in Zhongli’s eyes said all Childe needed to know. Childe’s silence was enough of an answer in itself. And the harbinger had a sick feeling that the answer was not the one Zhongli would be joyful to hear. But perhaps it had been the one he had been prepared to hear.

“I’ll take my leave now then. Goodbye, Ajax. I wish you a delightful return home.” Childe remained wordless, even as the man walked away. What was the point of a goodbye you would never even remember?

The harbinger pondered the question, even as Zhongli disappeared out of sight. The figure becoming one with the night, almost as if he were never there in the first place. Almost as if he was a forgotten memory.

Though, wasn’t that what he was to become?

It was when Childe was sure that Zhongli was not coming back, was not going to attempt any longer to convince the man to stay that the ground at Childe’s feet felt as if it were swaying. That a cold sweat began to break out. That Childe’s hands began to shake, an unsteady feeling swelling through him.

Zhongli was truly gone. Such a crucial aspect of Childe’s life that had remained so constant vanished just like that, never to be seen again. He was never going to see Zhongli again. He was never going to hear his voice again, never watch that slow smile climb onto his face. He would never see the shine in his eyes at the newly bloomed gaze lilies or feel the way his hands had touched Childe so softly as if he weren't a cold and harsh warrior.

The once solid and safe friendship between them had met its end. Disappearing alongside Zhongli.

Childe had once lived a life that did not involve Zhongli and he at the beginning of a new one that would once again not include him.

So why did everything have to feel so empty now?

Of course Zhongli had left the book with Childe.

“Customs of Liyue ,” Childe murmured to himself, as smoothed a finger over the cover of the book. He gave one last lingering look to the item before tossing it onto his couch, turning his attention away from it to continue the process of packing in his living room for the next morning.

It was a task he should have done much earlier, Childe realized as he finished putting the last items he needed into his bag. Not an action he should have been doing just a short time before he would make his departure. But he tried not to dwell on it. Better late than never, right?

Childe hadn’t been following that philosophy lately.

The man took one last moment to look over the bag once he had finished packing, double checking that he had not forgotten anything. Once he was sure that he was finished, he got up and turned around to get ready for his next step in that last nightly routine he would have in Liyue. However, Childe had to hold off on that when he caught sight of the book once more. Or rather what had fallen out of the book.

The book laid splayed out on one of the couch cushions, a piece of paper on the living room floor under it. Childe felt a wind of confusion before a wave of recognition ran through him. Oh, that must have been the note Zhongli had left in the book from earlier. Childe paused a moment before he reached down to grab the piece of paper. A voice in the back of his head reminded him that Zhongli had told him to read the book first but he effectively ignored it. It really didn’t matter at this point.

The man took a seat against the couch as he unfolded the piece of paper, immediately recognizing the neat hand writing of Zhongli. He tried not to notice the way his lips turned up at the sight of the familiar letters curling around the page.

To my beloved Ajax,

By now you must have figured out the meaning of the chopsticks I had gifted you. That is, if you heeded my warning and didn’t simply plucked the letter out of the book once you found yourself alone. I would like to believe you had read the book first, after all it is a fairly short read if I must say, but I shall leave the page number for you just in case. Pg. 28 is where the passage starts on Liyue’s marriage culture.

I hope I have not stunned you too much with this revelation. But, as you know, I was once Rex Lapis. Contracts are a value I hold dear to my heart, as they are what holds the bonds of society together. And what greater contract in love is there than one of marriage? Love is a strong word that should not be used carelessly, I am well aware of this. That is the reason why I am not using it carelessly in this letter. On the contrary, I am using it with the utmost seriousness. I have encountered an array of different beings during my lifetime. Many I have called friends and even fewer I have called lovers. But you, Ajax, have made me feel things I have not felt in many years. No, even those are not the correct words. You have made me feel something so unique that I have not felt this way ever before. And I can be sure that I won’t feel this way ever again. You truly are one of a kind. I had known that when I handed you the chopsticks, and I am even more aware of that now.

Perhaps I have been too vague, I’ve come to realize. While Liyue’s culture is ingrained into my mind, a foreigner such as yourself would only know the basics. I had always been under the impression you had known the meaning behind my actions and the feelings I harbor for you. I do not know what I had exactly believed before, when you never mentioned the gift again. Perhaps I believed you felt the same or maybe I believed my proposal had been too overwhelming for such a free spirit such as yourself. I really don’t know. All I truly know is that I was already happy enough staying by your side. I still am, no matter what your response to this letter is. I know I am not always the best with words in these situations but I can say this loud and clear: I love you, that much is evident by now. That is not to say I expect you to feel the same. This is not so much of an acquisition as it is just me wanting to tell you the simple truth. If you do not feel the same, I will not be offended in the slightest and we can forget about all of this. If you do feel the same, I believe I would be the happiest man in the world.

But this letter is becoming much too long to write to fit inside of a book. And you are looking over at me right now in such impatience, wanting to pay for the book already, that I am afraid you may try to peek before I have even finished writing this note. I am aware that it would be much easier if I just confessed this all to you in person but as I’ve said before, I’m embarrassed. Or rather, not embarrassed. I am… scared. I have not felt scared about much but you, however, make me terrified. Or is terrified the right word? Perhaps vulnerable is a better one. You make me feel vulnerable because when I am with you, I am aware of the humanity I now possess. I am not a ruler who sits high above his subjects. With you, I am just a man. A man who is afraid of what reaction you will make when my feelings will soon come to light. A man who wants to hope for the best but can’t help but assume the worse. Is that what it truly means to be human? To not feel as if the entire world is at the bottom of my heel but rather to want to gain what makes up my own personal world. Because to me, Ajax, it feels as if you are a substantial part of my world… 

I am getting sidetracked.

There was one more subject I wanted to acknowledge. You are leaving tomorrow. I am well aware of this. I know you must go home but, I still can not stop myself from wanting you to stay in Liyue. To stay with me. But I know that thought is unrealistic. If only I was the least bit stronger to leave the city I call home, yet I still can't detach myself from Liyue. Not for now at least. But when the day comes that I can one day let go of the memories of the past, when I can see what Teyvat and beyond has to offer, would it be alright if I visited you in Snezhnaya?

With love,

Zhongli

As much as Childe’s hands had begun to shake, he refused to let the letter fall to the ground. His grip remained strong, holding on to the paper as if it were holding him down from floating away to oblivion. In a way, it really was the only thing keeping him grounded.

He had to wonder, though. After he had later realized, after writing the note, he was the reason Childe had drank the wine, after he realized he was the one who Childe loved too, was he still the happiest man in the world? Could he still smile in spite of the suffering they both faced? Were those miserable expressions he wore on his face so recently the ones of a joyful man?

Childe rapidly blinked, trying to remove the watery feeling from his eyes. He wouldn’t- no, he shouldn't cry. His decision was already made. There was no use dwelling on what could not be changed. Zhongli had said it himself, he was too tied down to Liyue to leave anytime soon. And Childe was too far removed to stay in Liyue for any longer. It was a cruel and cold reality, but it was their reality nevertheless.

Childe placed the letter on to the couch above him before grabbing the book it had fallen from. He flipped to the page Zhongli had mentioned for him to read, skimming over the words until he found a picture and description on a pair of dragon and phoenix patterned chopsticks.

The dragon and phoenix are a symbol for a perfect balance in marriage in Liyue. Though it is not so much of a known fact to outsiders of the region, chopsticks with this design are representative of a blessing for a happy marriage or business partnership. Traditions using this item date back to a time of even the early stages of Rex Lapis’ reign as an archon. Though it is not a very common way of proposal in this modern day, as it is used much more as a gift from friends and family to the married couple, it is still notable enough to have a section of its own.

Zhongli really was unbelievable. He had been the one to call Childe one of a kind in his letter, but had he taken a look at himself? Who else other than Zhongli would use such a peculiar way of proposing to someone like Childe? If he couldn’t figure out that Zhongli was really Rex Lapis, why did Zhongli believe he could figure out the meaning of such an important request from chopsticks? If it were not for the shock behind the meaning of the utensils, perhaps Childe would have laughed rather than the stuttered breaths that left his mouth.

Wow , marriage? Childe had been so unsure for the longest of what Zhongli had felt towards him when the man had been thinking of spending his life with Childe. How could someone such as Zhongli make such a proposition to someone such as Childe. How could Childe have missed something so big? How could-

Childe let the book in his grasp fall to the ground as he hugged his knees to his chest, burying his head into the limbs to hide his expression. But from who? He was alone; There was no one to see him in such a state. There was no one at all. 

Childe shouldn’t have cried. That thought, however, did not stop him from doing so.

Childe didn’t think twice when he safely tucked the letter away in a separate pocket of his bag. He also tried not to overthink it when the book and chopsticks found their way in his bag, also.

He hated how familiar this situation was starting to become to him. Even as Childe sat at the kitchen table, the bottle of wine in front of him, with barely a cup’s worth of alcohol left in it, a wine glass filled with the murky liquid sat beside it, his heart still beat a steady rhythm. It wasn’t racing. It didn’t bring a cold sweat to Childe’s forehead as it had done the other times he had sat in front of this same set up. No, it remained calm, not too far off from the way Childe himself felt.

Childe was about to either lose everything or gain his sanity back. Or maybe both would happen. Or maybe neither would happen. Or perhaps they were the same thing, just worded a different way. Zhongli would probably make a philosophical quote out of that if he could hear Childe’s thoughts right then. 

Zhongli… what a name for such a peculiar person. Childe would say he would miss the man but, that wasn’t exactly possible. He could only hope Zhongli wouldn’t miss him too much when he was gone. It wasn’t in his best interest to become another memory that haunted Zhongli in Liyue, even if it wouldn’t concern him a few moments.

Childe took one last survey at his surroundings. From where he sat at the table, he could see his packed bag in the now much emptier living room. Or rather, the much emptier house; It almost looked as if no one had ever lived there in the first place. The harbinger brought his gaze back to the table to double check the note he wrote to himself. This one much more brief and commanding than the one he had written to himself just a couple of nights ago. It only included instructions to take his bags and hurry to the Snezhnayan ship in the harbor early in the morning, mentioning how he would eventually get the gist of what had happened during the blank of time in his memory once he talked to the other harbingers, Signora in specific. He could only hope that nothing that would be said to him would trudge up any hidden memories. But that was an issue that was far beyond Childe’s control. He could only pray that Celestia above could give him just a little bit of luck in the upcoming future.

There was not much more he could hope for, even as he grabbed the wine glass in front of him. Not more that he could hope for other than to forget the bad memory that Liyue had become for him. Childe held the wine glass up to his lips, hesitation finally setting in. He knew that Liyue was not always a nightmare. There had always been lights that shined through the darkness. Excitement that was behind every corner. A traveler who brought about the promise of duels and friendship, a chef who cooked admittedly very spicy yet delectable dishes and did not see him as a monster, a doctor who- who actually did not much for him other than haggle him out of his money, and a consultant who showed him true friendship and love, both the good and bad sides.

Yet that light had been snuffed out. It had been snuffed out for a while now, Childe had just been running on overdue time. And with that thought, he tipped the cup and his head back, the liquid traveling down his throat. 

It was when his vision was already beginning to fade out that he realized he had never even told Zhongli goodbye.

The boat to Snezhnaya left that morning, a harbinger, with almost no memories of the city he was leaving, on board. Somewhere in an abandoned house in that same city, a bottle of wine had disappeared from the kitchen table.

Liyue was a lively city, full of a cluster of different people, some less mortal than others. It was also a city with hidden nooks and crannies that only few could hope to discover all of in their lifetime.

One of these hidden corners of the harbor contained a quant antique shop, where a man had just entered, only a few days after the Snezhnayan ship had left the harbor.

“Does anything catch your eye, sir?”

“I need something that can help me forget.”

“Forget?”

“To forget the one I love dearly.”

“Well, you’re in luck. I have just regained possession of a wine that will do just the trick. Though do be careful with it, the previous owner was quite generous with his servings of it.”

“That’s quite fine, only one sip of it will be necessary.”

The shopkeeper smiled an uncanny smile, her fox like eyes squinting in delight.

“If you say so, Morax.”

Chapter Text

“You’ve returned.”

A cruel and callous goddess sat upon a throne of ice, somewhere in a palace in a far land away from Liyue that was as frigid and icy as her. She leaned her head on one of her hands that was propped up, a twinkle in her cold eyes. To her right side stood her right hand and most trusted harbinger, Pedrelino, whose face did look nowhere near as friendly.  Instead his eyes narrowed at the eleventh harbinger, a frown evident on his lips.

“I have, your Highness.” Childe kneeled on one knee in front of the Tsaritsa, a hand over his heart. His head remained tilted towards the ground but his eyes were locked on to the first harbinger as he fought to hide a smile at the sour expression.

Oh how he had missed those tormented looks from the harbingers. How exhilarating it was to see his fellow comrades squirm under his fiery gaze as they tried to predict what someone as unpredictable as himself would do.

It was no wonder why the other harbingers were so keen on sending him miles and miles away, far out of reach from them. And it was no wonder why they had no argument when Childe had been sent by the Tsaritsa to oversee the Northland Bank all the way in the sunny city of Liyue harbor, a far cry from the harsh and everlasting winter of Snezhnaya. Or maybe they had believed his excitement could possibly be alleviated in such a busy and populated city such as Liyue.

Childe had a feeling they really just wanted him gone, though.

Oh if only they knew how boring Liyue truly had been! The non memorable harbor had just left Childe itching for even more commotion. For a duel against a formidable foe. For anything to quench the buzz of excitement that laid in the back of his mind and flowed through his veins.

Perhaps if he provoked Pedrelino enough, the harbinger would finally break and give Childe a fight worth his money, even if it would be out of anger towards Childe instead of a willing fight. 

But Childe wasn’t picky. A fight was a fight.

Almost as if he had read Childe’s mind, Pedrelino’s eyes narrowed even more. Childe tried desperately to keep a straight face at the sight. The older man looked like he was going to pop a vein if he kept that expression up!

Thankfully the Tsaritsa saved Childe from disrespect for the time being when she spoke next, a tiny smile gracing her almost lifeless colored lips. If it was just a coincidence or the woman had noticed their heated staring match was beyond Childe’s knowledge. All he knew was that he took a quiet comfort to the words that came out of her mouth next.

“Welcome home, Tartaglia.”

Having dinner at the Zapolyarny palace felt… familiar. Not familiar as in a nostalgic way but rather familiar as in a comforting way. A way that only a harbinger such as Childe could relish in.

The dining room was the same as he had last seen it before he departed for Liyue, a grand room with a long rectangular table with twelve seats, eleven for the Tsaritsa’s harbingers on the sides with one at the end of the table for her highness herself. The chairs had wrapped around the table in numerical order, the seat for the eleventh harbinger on the Tsaritsa’s left, the seat for the sixth harbinger at the other end of the left side of the table closest to the room’s doors, the fifth harbinger across from them at the right side of the room, and the first harbinger seated at the Tsaritsa’s right side.

Even after such a long time away from home, Childe seated himself at the eleventh seat almost on instinct, the gemmed chandelier that threw scattered light around the light grey and blue room lighting up his way. The whole song and dance was nothing new to Childe. Plenty of times when harbingers had been away and returned, the Tsaritsa had ordered a dinner with her harbingers to celebrate their return. Childe could only be flattered that the Tsaritsa ordered one for him now.

However, what was not familiar to Childe’s experiences was the lack of people that had entered the room and begun eating. The seat next to Childe remained empty, the closest person to him the first harbinger sitting across from him, actively sending him death glares in between bites of his food. Other than Pedrelino and Childe, the only other people in the room were Signora and Dottore, the Tsaritsa not unusually late for the meal.

Though what might have been more concerning was the casual expressions on his comrades' faces as if the fact that the majority of the usual occupants in the room were gone was nothing out of the ordinary. Childe tried to rack his brain for any memory of why so many of the harbingers were gone. The only explanation he could eventually come to was from about a year ago just before Childe left for Liyue, when the Tsaritsa had been sending harbingers to-

Childe’s mind went to a blank, almost as if he had mentally ran into a wall. When the Tsaritsa had sent harbingers to do what? Even as he struggled to remember where his comrades had been sent to, Childe just could not remember. Eventually the harbinger deemed it a losing battle, a memory that had long left him in the dust. He could only chalk it up to the fact that he had only just returned from the ship ride home earlier that day.

He most definitely did not acknowledge how boat rides shouldn't cause such important memories to leave one’s head.

Besides, he had more present matters to think about. Especially how he had finally left that far away harbor to come back to the snowy fields and mountains, his heart already singing in joy at the cold.

The harbinger’s time in Liyue had felt like a breeze, as if it was a fever dream rather than an actual part of his life. Yet even then, it didn’t help the uneasy feeling Childe had felt a couple days as he walked through the docks to board the ship that would return him home. He had to hold in a shudder at the thought of that day. At the thought of how he had woken up at his kitchen table in a daze and no memory of the day before or how he was supposed to leave the city. At the thought of how the buildings of the town gave him a sense of foreboding and unfamiliar feelings. For such a beautiful city, it truly made Childe’s cold go blood all the way until the harbor was out of his view as the Snezhnayan ship had sailed away.

Childe could only be joyful that he had been in Snezhnaya once again. The frigid weather and blanket of white that littered the ground wrapping around Childe as if it were a warm hug.

And of course, there were his fellow harbingers that he loved so dearly.

“It’s a joy to be finally back. I had missed you all, especially you, my dearest Pedrelino.” Childe sent a wink towards the harbinger that sat across from him. Pedrelino respectfully responded by harshly driving his knife through the steak on his plate in front of him.

So so dearly.

A quiet snicker sounded from Childe’s left at the eighth chair of the long rectangular dining table that four of the harbingers were currently sitting at.

“You’re speaking a much different tune than the one when we last spoke in Liyue. Have you finally stopped taking everything so personally ?” Signora asked, an almost teasing tone in her voice. Childe’s stare snapped over to face the woman, his eyes narrowing in the slightest at her tone of voice.

When had they spoken in Liyue? The last Childe could remember even seeing the woman was when she had left for Mondstadt but that had been so long ago, over a year.

“What are you talking about?” He asked harshly, wanting to know what that Signora was trying to get at. He didn’t have time to waste on such a repulsive woman. But rather than answer his question the woman let out another shrill laugh that left Childe using all of his power to restrain himself from covering his ears at the ugly noise.

“Oh Tartaglia, you know exactly what I’m talking about,” Signora began in an almost sing-song tone. “You had seemed so angry at that consultant and I back at the bank for something so insignificant. It was just business, you know how it is.” The woman leaned back in her chair, an almost definite mocking smirk curled out on the tips of her lips.

Childe knew what she was doing. He knew this song and dance all too well with each and every of the other harbingers. She was just trying to mess with him, just trying to push his buttons to see him bend and snap. Perhaps he would have given her the reaction she craved another day but right then, however, Childe could not find even a spec of anger building up inside himself at the usual teasing. Rather, the fog of confusion that had begun to hang heavy over his mind, took over the forefront of his emotions.

“Signora, I don’t  know what I’m supposed to be mad at you for. And what consultant are you even talking about?” Childe continued to ask. If Signora was so hard set on making Childe’s first day back so miserable, she could have at least used a tactic that made much more sense. He had to wonder, had she grown even stupider during his time away. Childe didn’t doubt it.

Signora’s easy expression soon vanished at Childe’s words, replaced with an eye roll as she decided to focus more attention on her own gloved fingers than Childe himself.

“Or perhaps you still do hold a grudge. How unbecoming. I’ll have you know I did not listen to that man talk my ear off for hours on end about you as we waited for his silly test to finish just for you to act like he doesn't even exist. He would not shut up about how perfect you were for his final trial or whatever he had decided on calling it.” Signora let out an exasperated sigh as she reminisced on a memory, looking as if the event had aged her by ten years.

Though Childe was quite ready to match her dreary mood if she did not just explain herself already! The man opened his mouth to ask her to stop talking in riddles, his mind suddenly remembering a certain note from himself he had read a few days ago, but was beat to the finish line by Pedrelino.

“When has Tartaglia ever been anything but difficult?’ He sneered, that same spiteful look on his face.

“You should stop looking at me like that, or you’ll give yourself even more wrinkles, old man,” Childe replied with the same amount of venom, not in the mood to deal with any of his comrades shenanigans anymore. Maybe any other day he could have continued with such childish antics for much longer, himself being the one to start these bits often, but his first day back to Snezhnaya was not of those. Rather than deal with people that were after his throat from the second he made an appearance, he wanted to relish in the warm embrace of his homeland. Sing songs of joy and do cartwheels of excitement at the relief he felt to be away from the humid and scorching streets of Liyue Harbor.

Even if that embrace from Snezhnaya felt a little more chilly than he remembered.

Childe didn’t have much time to think over that, however, before Pedrelino hastily stood up, his chair almost toppling behind him.

“I’ve about had it with you, boy! You’ve been here for less tha-” Childe watched with a smirk as Pedrelino slammed his hands on the table, a threat written all over his face and body language, right as the grand doors to the dining room opened.

In all of her magnificent glory, the Tsaritsa entered the dining room covered in grey and white silks that would be much too light for Snezhnaya if she were a mortal, a stark contrast to the heavy layers of clothing the harbinger would normally wear in their homeland. It was when she had reached the chair at the head of the table  at the end of the room, Childe on her left and Pedrelino on her right side, that she gave a cold stare to the first harbinger.

“Have I interrupted something?” Though it was worded as a question, the goddess’ icy tone voiced it almost as if it were a demand. Pedrelino, who had already stood up straight at the woman’s entrance with a hand over his heart, stiffened under the frigid stare. Childe had to raise a hand to his mouth to cover up the laugh that threatened to leave his mouth at the sight of Pedrelino’s badly hidden panicked expression.

“No, not at all, your highness! I was just giving a warm welcome to Tartaglia after he has been away for so long.” Pedrelino shined a confident and warm smile to Childe, as if he were not ready to have Childe’s head a moment ago.

Once the fool, always the fool, Childe could only lament on as the first harbinger feigned innocence.

“Is that so?” The Tsaritsa continued to stare down Pedrelino for a moment longer before her attention was turned back to the rest of the harbingers in the room, all of their attention obviously focused on the scene played out in front of them. “Well, don’t let me stop you from eating. Let’s enjoy our meal.”

And like that, the tense mood of the room had dissipated in a moment’s notice. A goddess sat to eat with her most loyal subjects, a scene that had brought comfort to Childe’s soul many times before.

Yet, when Childe removed the hand that had been covering his mouth, he found that a frown laid on lips rather than a smile at the scene.

It was when the Tsaritsa summoned Childe’s presence the next morning that it became apparent something was wrong.

“Tell me, how is Morax doing?” The Tsaritsa leaned back in throne, her fingers tapping against the arms of the chair as she crossed her legs. The space to her right remained empty today, Pedrelino nowhere to be seen. It was just a goddess and her eleventh harbinger, no more and no less. Perhaps Childe would have found himself more joyful at the absence of the first harbinger if it were not for the fact his mind was already occupied by the unknown name.

Morax ?

“I have to say your Highness, I am unaware of who that is.” The Tsaritsa’s eyes narrowed at those, the once relaxed position she had been seated in replaced as she sat up much straighter. But just as quickly as the dark expression took over her face, an almost amused smile spread out across it.

“Ah, I suppose it would do me good to stop referring to him by that name.” A pause. “Let me rephrase my question. How is Zhongli doing?”

Childe could only blink in response, the haze in his mind not becoming any clearer. Forget Morax, who was Zhongli?

“I’m sorry but I still don’t know who we’re talking about.” Childe broke into a cold sweat as he watched that dark expression paint itself over the goddess’s face once more, this time showing no sign of disappearing.

“Are you trying to play a joke on me, Tartaglia?” The Tsaritsa’s voice carried an air of command, no room for a questioning tone despite the structure of her words. Childe hastily shook his head in response.

“No, your Highness. I genuinely do not know who Zhongli is.” The Tsaritsa took a moment, her eyes focusing on Childe as if she were observing him. Observing him for what, Childe could not answer. Though whatever the Tsaritsa was looking for, she must have found it, because she was soon leaning back into her throne, a simple sigh leaving her lips.

“Is that so? Just one more question, Tartaglia. Can you tell me why I sent you to Liyue?” Though the woman was asking Childe a question, one look into her eyes could tell even a stranger that she already knew the answer. However, he still responded, not one to disobey the goddess he served.

“To oversee the Northland Bank, your Highness.” Childe couldn’t help but feel as if he were missing something heavily important, especially as the Tsaritsa’s face became unreadable as if something much more urgent than the harbinger in front of her was taking up the forefront of her mind.

“I see. You are dismissed then. Though please don’t remain too relaxed. I’m sending Dottore your way in a few hours. He’ll just perform a standard check up, nothing to be concerned about.” The Tsaritsa waved a hand of dismissal at Childe, her attention no longer on the man.

“Your Highness.” Childe threw a quick hand over his heart before he made his leave, his expression still and calm as he walked out of the throne room. He could only be glad it did well to hide the shiver of his bones as the icy winds from outside seemed to travel to within the walls of the palace.

“So, Tartaglia, what can you tell me about your Liyue trip?” Childe shifted uncomfortably on the medical bed he was currently seated on as Dottore walked over to him, a needle in hand.

“It was pretty boring, just some office work at the Northland Bank.” Childe took a moment to pause, his eyes on the needle that was coming closer and closer to him. “Is the needle really necessary?”

“Just office work? Anything else?” Dottore continued to move the needle towards Childe’s arm even as he continued to move his arm away from the sharp object. “And yes it is necessary of course!”

Childe gave Dottore a fixed glare.

Dottore stared back for a moment before an exasperated sigh left his mouth.

“Ok fine, no needle!” The harbinger made a show of throwing his hands into the air before going to put the needle away. “But back to my question. Did you do anything and I mean anything else while you were in Liyue?”

“Nope, just work at the bank. Maybe a debt collection case or two but nothing crazy,” Childe answered as he continued to observe Dottore, a feeling akin to suspicion building up in his stomach. Was the entirety of the people currently staying in the palace playing a joke on him, the Tsaritsa included? Or perhaps, was he really missing something? Was he unaware of something that should have been dead obvious? If the look on Dottore's face could speak for anything, Childe could definitely be sure that there was a factor he was very unaware of.

Dottore let out a thoughtful hum at the answer, tapping a finger to his lips as he began to pace.

“Say, do you know what a gnosis is?” Childe let out a snort at the doctor’s words.

“What type of ridiculous question is that? Of course I know what a gnosis is.” Dottore’s pacing sped up at the answer, his eyebrows drawing together.

“How about an archon? Do you know what that is?” If it were not for the tight lipped expression on Dottore’s face, Childe would have doubled down laughing at his question. If he had thought the question before this one was ridiculous, this one was just down right crazy!

“Of course I do! What kind of questions are these?” Dottore continued to pace around, seemingly not affected by Childe’s comments at all.

“What’s the name of Snezhnaya’s archon?”

The smile on Childe’s face dropped down to a deadpan expression.

“You can’t be serious.”

“Just asking.” Dottore gave a simple shrug before continuing on. “How about Mondstadt’s?”

“Barbatos?”

“And Liyue’s?”

Silence followed.

Dottore’s pacing came to a halt as he seemed to fully focus in on Childe, the latter currently looking at the floor with a concentrated stare.

“I don’t know,” Childe finally uttered out, a slight twitch forming in his hands. How did he not know who Liyue’s archon was? He was in that city for an entire year. He would have had to pick up on the archon’s name at least once, right?

“Hmm ok. How about the name Osial? Does that ring a bell?” The name effectively did not ring a bell for Childe. 

“Nope.” Dottore let out another hum at Childe’s answer, taking a break from the interrogation to think.

“What month are we in right now?”

“June?” Childe slowly drew the word out, the answer seeming much too simple to be right. But perhaps it really was that simple because Dottore was soon nodding his head at the word, already moving on to the next question.

“What month did you go to Liyue?”

“April last year. It was almost May, though, I remember.”

“So that means you were in Liyue long enough to see every month. If that’s the case then can you tell me what, let’s say April was like. What was the weather like in April?”

“Um, warm you could say. Definitely a lot warmer than here. Lot’s of rain, too. Just think of almost the opposite of Snezhnaya and you have your answer.”

“Then how about December? What’s winter like in Liyue?”

“Colder than April, I would guess. Though not as cold as here of course.” Dottore narrowed his eyes at that.

“You would guess or you know? You were there weren’t you?” The doctor stopped talking for a moment but began once again before Childe could even answer. “Do you remember your December in Liyue?”

Childe took a moment to think, but no avail. He could not remember a single even from his month. Ignoring the way the cold floor seemed to sway from underneath him, he chalked the absence of the memory up to the bedroom and how his days bled together. Of course nothing would be memorable if all he did was sit around a bank all day.

“No, I don’t.”

“Ok, let’s be more broad then. Do you remember what summer was like?”

Childe shook his head, that cold feeling slowly making its way through his veins.

“Ok, how about fall? Winter? No? Spring then? Did anything eventful happen this spring?” Childe almost had half the mind to make up a story, to give any answer other than “no” even if it were a fib, when he saw Dottore’s grimace at the last answer.

“Tartaglia, do you remember anything about your time in Liyue after the first month or so?” Though his expression remained grave when Childe shook his head, no surprise showed on Dottore’s face, as if he had been expecting the answer.

“So it’s as her Highness assumed,” Dottore began to utter to himself before he raised his voice higher, his eyes focusing back on Childe. “You don’t remember your year in Liyue.”

“Is that so?” The question left the Tsaritsa’s lips as she gazed upon the snowy fields that lay outside the window she stood in front of.

For the third time in the span of twenty four hours, Childe stood in the presence of his goddess, the tall yet blank walls of the throne room spreading around them. However, this time, Dottore stood on his right as they watched the Tsaritsa, her back turned to them.

“Yes, I performed various tests on Tartaglia but we could not find any evidence of injury or sickness. He’s actually in quite perfect health.” Maybe if the situation were less dire, Childe would have flashed a proud grin at Dottore’s last comment. But that was just a dream reality, a much simpler time that Childe was not currently basking in. Instead, he found himself tapping his fingers against his leg, his pulse wildly drumming in his ears as he waited for the Tsarita’s response.

“So, what I am hearing from this is Tartaglia has forgotten what has happened in Liyue?” The Tsaritsa them became silent, a quiet order for Dottore to respond.

“Yes.”

“But you can find no physical reason as to why this is?”

“Yes.”

“Alright… Thank you for your services today, Dottore. You are dismissed. Tartaglia, stay here.”

When the Dottore’s retreating steps were just an echo in the maze of hallways of the Zapolyarny Palace and the door to the throne room closed, leaving only Childe and the Tsaritsa standing in the room that held more space than was comfortable, the goddess turned around.

“So you remember nothing at all from Liyue?” The Tsaritsa’s eyes looked down upon him now, the window she had been previously looking out of fully disregarded now.

“Nothing other than a bit of work at the Northland Bank, your Highness.” Childe prepared himself for the goddess’s anger or a chilling stare that would leave the harbinger fearful of a time he could not even remember. Yet instead, a tiny smile grew on the Tsaritsa’s lips as a huff left her mouth. 

“I’m sending you home then, Tartaglia. It’ll do you no good to stay here for as long as you can’t remember what your original mission was.” Though the goddess’s voice had become much less harsh than earlier, it still held an air of command, leaving no room for argument.

It was later that day that Childe left for Morpesok, a house in the woods not too far away from the tiny town, and an unexpectant family going about their daily lives.

For the second time that week, Childe found himself returning home.

“Ajax!” his mother exclaimed with delightful surprise when she opened up the door to the sight of her son. Before Childe so much as to get a word out, warm arms wrapped around him, their grip almost unbearably strong even for the harbinger himself. Thankfully before he was choked to death, his mother loosened her grip, sliding her hands to rest on his shoulders as she took in the man’s appearance.

“It’s like you haven’t changed a bit, dear,” his mother observed in an almost nostalgic way, a big smile appearing on her face, before she was dragging Childe back in for another literal breathtaking hug. 

More than you know , Childe could only think to himself, his mind thinking back to how he had lost what was most likely an entire year of his life for the time being. He truly had returned home the same person he left as, his memories stagnant and static for such a major chunk of time’s worth of memories.

Childe, however, did not have much time to ponder over his recent roadblock before his eyes locked on to the older man that stood behind his mother in the doorway.

Ah, his father.

The joyful smile that had begun to appear on his face from his reunion with his mother soon dissipated to a polite neutral one. His expression was meant with his father’s unamused one, not one unlike the one Pedrelino often flashed at him, before he retreated back into the house without a word.

Childe had expected no less. Leave it to his father to treat him like a speck of dust on the bottom of his shoe even after he had not seen his own son for a year’s time. Yet it was not surprising. At least not after Childe had fallen into the abyss only to return as an unrecognizable boy. A boy that was no longer his father’s son in his eyes.

Childe let out a sigh as he patted his mom’s back, hoping she would get the message that he was actively losing air. To his despair, she most definitely did not get the message, opting to squeeze even harder on the poor harbinger.

Childe could only pray to the Tsaritsa that he would not die right then and there.

Childe in fact did not die on the doorstep of his family’s home.

But he had a feeling he would from all the food that was being shoved at him when then went to eat dinner.

“Ajax, try this, I perfected the recipe while you were away!”

“Big brother, eat this, it’s my favorite food now!”

“Can you eat my vegetables, big brother? Mom won’t let me leave the table until they’re gone.”

Both his younger brothers and mother pushed plates of food at him, more than the harbinger was sure could fit in his stomach in a single night. For once, Childe could only be thankful for his father’s absent attitude towards him, the older man deciding on actively ignoring his son.

“Guy, guys, I can’t eat all of this!” Childe finally exclaimed, a mountain of food sitting in front of him.

“He’s right, he’s barely just gotten home and you’re already trying to kill him with food.” Childe could almost jump out of his chair with joy at the sound of Tonia’s words, one of the only voices of reason.

“Exactly! She’s absolutely right!” Childe hastily nodded his head, grasping on to any lifeline he could to avoid the piles upon piles of food in front of him. To his dismay, however, Teucer already had a counterargument prepared.

“But, we’ll need him to be big and strong for when we go ice fishing next!” His need to avoid being overstuffed was temporarily replaced by confusion. Ice fishing? When had Teucer begun to go ice fishing?

Noticing the expression on his face, Tonia answered Childe’s unspoken question.

“It's kind of a weekly family activity. Some mornings we all just pack up and go ice fishing for the day. It’s fun!” Their two brothers nodded enthusiastically at Tonia’s words.

“Yeah! It’ll be so fun when you come with us next time!” Childe felt his lips turn up at Anthon’s words as the family broke into a joyful conversation about ice fishing.

It was nice to be home, Childe began to think. It was nice to finally be surrounded with his dear siblings and mother.

His father however…

Childe spared a look into his father’s direction, a cold gray glare meeting his stare.

His father however, was a different story.

It was later that night when only Childe and his mother were the only ones left in the kitchen, dishes just finished being washed and children put to bed, when it was finally brought up.

“You know, honey, that you’re always welcomed back home and we love that you’re here,” his mother had begun to speak, an almost uneasy tone laced in her voice. Childe had just put the last dish down to start drying when he turned to face the woman, a hum coming out of his mouth in response.

“But I have to ask. Why are you here?” Ah . 

“What do you mean?” Childe asked in feigned innocence, walking over to the kitchen table to take a seat.

“Ajax. Both you and I know that you easily grow restless. And we both know that Morepesok does not exactly fit the definition of excitement. It’s not that we-” His mother paused at the word, obviously thinking of her husband before continuing to speak. “It’s not that I don’t want you here. It’s actually the opposite, I love when you visit home! But it’s just that you never come here just out of nowhere. you always send letters weeks in advance. So for you to come here just out of the blue, especially after such a long mission… You would would that you would be with the Tsaritsa right now rather than little old Morepesok, right?”

“I was at Zapolyarny Palace not too long ago,” Childe admitted, taking a pause before he continued. “The Tsaritsa sent me home.”

“She sent you home? Why?” His mother continued to ask, her eyebrows drawn together as she went to sit down next to him. Childe took a moment to consider his next words carefully. It would be in his best interest to not worry his mother too much, though he may’ve been too late. Everyone who had even a little sense of how the Fatui and the Tsaritsa worked knew that she would not send someone so high up in her ranks home on her own accord unless there was a hidden task involved or they were not fit for work anymore, be it from a physical or even mental injury. 

Childe would like to think he was still very much fit for work, however, even if he did have a slight case of amnesia. After all he had seen much much worse injuries happen to his comrades even himself that did not result in the Tsaritsa sending anyone home unless they requested.

“We may have found, uh…” Childe began under his mother’s intense gaze, his tongue becoming tied over trying to find the most casual way to inform his mom he had amnesia but failed deeply. “We may have found out I have a slight case of amnesia.”

His mother simply blinked at him, the expression on her face becoming much too blank for his liking.

“Amnesia?” She repeated the word as if this was a normal everyday conversation. Though Childe had to admit, it wasn’t the most shocking of conversations ever. He had returned home with his fair share of scars and bruises during his visits to Morepesok. It wasn’t as if he had been putting on a facade to his family, the older bit at least, that he had been perfectly safe. On the contrary, actually, he made an effort to tell of his amazing and dangerous feats, even if his father looked as if he wanted to kick whatever imposter had stolen his son’s place out of the house whenever these stories were told.

But amnesia was another story, however. Bruises and scars didn’t affect your daily life and who you are. Amnesia was definitely a…. different situation for his mother to be confronted with. And Childe had no idea if she was taking it extremely well or was just a moment away from slamming her head on the table they were sitting at.

“Yes, amnesia. Dottore and the Tsaritsa figure that I’ve about forgotten the majority of my time in Liyue,” Childe continued to explain, his mother slowly nodding at the words.

“So like a head injury?” Childe shook his head at the question.

“No, they found nothing physically wrong with me. It’s like my memory magically went poof . I think that’s why her highness sent me home. Since technically , there should be nothing wrong with me,” Childe continued to answer his mother’s questions, his eyes averting away from her to avoid whatever expression she would make next. However, the effort did not bring much reward when he could hear how his mother felt instead.

Across from him, a sigh sounded, causing Childe to look back over. The woman had finally let her impassive facade fall over as she closed her eyes and leaned her head over, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“So the Tsaritsa sent you home because you're essentially a medical mystery,” his mother reiterated.

“Yeah, you could word it like that. She thought I would be much more fit here than at the palace. She mentioned how she believed I would have better luck with remembering stuff if I stayed at home, instead.”

His mother took another deep breath in.

“Ok, so just some memory problems. Nothing we can’t deal with here.” His mother forced a smile on to her face even as she stood up, placing a hand on her son’s shoulder. “Just focus on getting rest while you’re here, we’ll take care of everything else.”

His mother kept up her calm facade as she walked out of the kitchen, the only sign of it broken when she uttered something that sounded like “what are those damn Fatui doing to him?” once she was out of the room.

Childe had a feeling he wasn’t supposed to hear that.

Later, when the moon was high in the sky and the town was silent, Childe laid under the covers. Even as the frigid air blew in between the sheets and chilled him to the very bone, the man’s spirit did not waver. No, the wind was just a welcome, a welcome back to the home he had missed so dearly. And Childe was more than delighted to accept it, even as his belongings from Liyue still sat in the corner of his room untouched.

That sentiment lasted for a grand total of three days before Childe began to get antsy.

It had started when Childe awoke that Tuesday morning, an almost dreadful feeling pitted at the bottom of his gut. A dreadful feeling that was not too unlike the one he had every morning before his shifts at the Northland Bank back in Liyue. A dreadful feeling that preceded an awful uniform day that was like the one before and would be no different than the one after it.

It was a realization that there was nothing to look forward to, nothing that would excite the harbinger. Rather it would consist of a day of the same snowy landscape of snow, trees, snow, ice, and more snow. The once exciting days he had experienced during his time as an active harbinger had disappeared the moment he had returned home for an indefinite amount of time that had felt as if it would last an eternity.

It wasn’t as if he didn’t want to see his family amore, it was quite the opposite. Rather, Childe felt as if he was going to self combust if he had to go through the same routine of wake up, eat, sit around,  sleep, repeat the next day, with no sign of there being an end to the cycle.

He could only feel his soul ascend in joy when he walked into the kitchen that day, his family wrapped in heavy coats and boxes of fishing supplies on the ground.

“We’re going ice fishing?” Childe asked, excitement building in his face.

“Big brother? You’re coming?” Teucer asked when he caught sight of his brother, his tone matching Childe’s. A toothy grin broke out on his face as Childe walked over.

“Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I?” Over Teucer’s head, Childe caught sight of his father, a cold stare almost digging its way into the harbinger’s soul.

“Dad said you weren’t coming.”

“Oh, he did, did he?” Childe felt his eyes narrow as kept his eyes glued on to his father, not bothering to hide the ice cold frost that was beginning to escape from inside him. The recipient of his frigid stare did not make a move to answer the question, choosing instead to begin to walk out of the room.

“Let’s talk in the other room.” It was an order, not a request.

Childe did not take orders from anyone other than Her Highness.

Yet, Childe was not blind. He could feel the batch of eyes watching him, waiting for what his next move was. He could see Teucer clutching on to Anthon’s sleeve, a slight shake in his grip at the sight of such a cruel look on what he had believed to be his innocent older brother’s face. He could see the curious yet suspicious gaze in Tonia’s eyes as she looked between Childe and their father. He could see his mother watching the scene, her mouth twitching almost as if she wanted to intervene.

Childe did not take orders. 

But he also did not want to make a scene in front of his siblings.

“Why did you tell them that?” Childe hissed as he rounded the corner of the kitchen, him and his father now out of sight of the rest of the family.

“Because you’re not coming.” His father’s voice still held the calm yet cold tone in his voice, almost as if Childe were just a fly in his way rather than his own son.

“Why not ? You know I love ice fishing! It hasn’t even been a week and you’re already acting like this.” Childe’s voice shook as he focused on keeping his tone low, not wanting his siblings here the argument.

“Because you’re not coming. How many times do I have to repeat myself?”

“Why not ?”

“Becau-”

“Cut the shit and just say the truth already, Dad .” A storm was brewing. Or rather, a storm had been brewing since that fateful day Ajax had gone and disappeared. It just happened that almost a decade later, the lighting decided to finally strike.

“I will not have a low life like you coming and ruining everything. We’ve been doing just fine without you here, causing your trouble and bringing senseless violence to our life!”

By now, the entire house had to have been able to hear the argument between the two men, his father’s voice growing louder and louder. Yet now, Childe paid it no mind. He was more concerned by the sheer amusement this argument was bringing.

“Low life? That’s a strange way to refer to your son, wouldn’t you say?” A smirk spread out on Childe’s face. “I have a name, y’know. You can just say it.”

A growl left his father’s lips as he began to step over to Childe, an almost violent air to his movements. Childe could only watch as excitement began to bubble in his stomach. No way his father would try to fight him, right?

Though he could not complain. It was due time that Childe got some exercise.

However, before anything could progress, his mother was hastily walking around the corner, hands landing on his father’s shoulders to stop him in his place.

“Hun,” his mother uttered towards his father as she slowly shook her head. His father gave one last final glare to Childe before his shoulders finally slumped, the aggressive stance he had once stood in speedily dissipating.

Noticing his father calming down, Childe’s mother decided to turn her attention at the younger man.

“Ajax, perhaps you should stay home this time. You’re still recovering and it would probably be better to sit and rest rather than already do something so strenuous.”

Childe felt his lips turn down at that. Ice fishing wasn’t even that much work! If Teucer could do it, surely he could do it! Amnesia didn’t mean Childe was incapable of fishing . And Childe was prepared to defend his point.

“But-”

“Ajax, please .”

Childe locked eyes with his mother’s pleading gaze, his voice immediately silencing himself. Three stood in standstill, almost as if they were frozen in time, before a heavy breath left Childe’s mouth.

“Fine .” His mother seemed to visibly deflate at the comment, the pleading gaze in her eye turning to one of relief and the tense stance finally relaxing.

“Thank you.” She gave one last smile with her words before walking back to the kitchen, Childe’s father not far behind. However, unlike his mother, Childe’s father stopped right at his son’s side.

“You’re lucky your mother is here, if it were up to me, you would’ve never walked through that front door.” Childe smiled at those words, his eyebrows raising up.

“Oh, is that so?” Apparently that was the wrong way to respond, though Childe had a feeling there was no right way to respond to him, because a grimace soon appeared on his father’s face.

“You’re a menace boy, you know that?” Words that could easily be seen as teasing words from a father to son, were spoke to Childe with pure malice. “I wish we had never found you that day you disappeared.”

His father had walked away before Childe could respond. Though no words left the man’s mouth at that statement.

Childe laughed.

Once his father was out of his sight and he heard his family leave the house, Childe clutched his stomach, hunched over, and laughed until he was gasping for breath.

How riveting his father’s words were. Such a bold thing to say to one’s son. Though Childe couldn’t blame him. If he knew he would be treated like this by his own father, perhaps he would have stayed gone.

It wasn’t until moments later, when Childe had all but slid down to the ground and his laughs quieted down that he noticed the wide grin on his lips had all but sunken downwards.

It was safe to say that Childe did not go ice fishing that day, or any of the days after that.

Childe did not sleep well that night.

Rather than the peaceful rest he had experienced his first night home, he laid awake, the moonlight above him shining down on his restless movements.

He was supposed to be content. He was supposed to be happy to be away from the boring days of Liyue and back at home, the familiar sands of ice in his landscape after so long.

Yet there he laid, unable to fall asleep when his thoughts thundered in his head. When his thoughts were not filled of what was but rather of what could be .

Childe did not sleep well that night. Or rather, he did not sleep well for many nights after that.

The next time his family had begun to pack their equipment up to go ice fishing for the day, he had pulled his mother aside.

“I was wondering, could you stay here for today instead?” Childe murmured the question, his eyes resting on where his father and siblings were occupied at the other side of the room to make sure he would not be overheard. Though, he could not find a coherent reason for why the rest of the family should not hear his words. It wasn’t as if he were telling his mother a big secret.  But even then, he could not help the sick feeling that passed through him at the thought of his family, or rather his dad specifically, hearing his request.

When had it come to the point that Childe had felt like he was committing a crime just talking to a family member alone in the vicinity of his father?

“Oh, of course, honey. Is there any reason why?” His mother replied, thankfully in the same low tone of voice. Though her forehead creased in concern as her eyebrows drew together, another silent question written all over her face. Childe could not blame her for such concern, however. When had Childe ever been the one to ask anyone for such a request in such a vulnerable tone?

“I want help unpacking my things from Liyue.”

Later in the afternoon, when Childe’s father and siblings had long left the house to go ice fishing, the harbinger sat with his mother on his bedroom floor. In between them sat an open duffel bag, its contents every memory Childe had brought home from Liyue.

“Are you sure you want me going through your things? I don’t want to invade your privacy,” his mother commented as they began to slowly pull out items from the bag.

“I doubt there’s anything bad in the bag, Mom. I just went to Liyue to oversee the bank,” Childe paused, a sheepish expression appearing on his face. “Or at least as far as I remember.”

His mother let out an exasperated sigh, one not too unlike the ones Childe occasionally let out, as she pulled a book out from the bag before holding it up.

“You’ve taken up reading as a hobby?” His mother asked as innocently as she could, but she did not do well to hide the bafflement painted on her face. Perhaps Childe would have taken the time to look offended if he had not been for the confusion thrumming in his veins at the sight of the item.

A book ? When had Childe ever read for fun?

“Customs of Liyue ,” Childe read the title aloud, matching puzzled gazes with his mother. What had even caused him to read such a book in Liyue? Perhaps to better understand his customers and surroundings?

As sensible as a reason that had sounded like, Childe found himself doubting that was the answer. Just what exactly was he doing in Liyue?

Shaking off the moment of quiet amusement, the pair continued to dig through the bag. Childe mostly grabbed bits of clothing as he took occasional glances at his mother, who was grabbing various trinkets. He watched her pull out a stuffed animal first - a souvenir for one of his siblings he could only assume -, a pair of chopsticks, a Mr. Cyclops toy for Teucer, and then a new dagger. Childe could only watch as his mother shot him an unamused look at the last item.

“Really, Ajax?” Childe simply gave a smile and shrug in response, this item making much more sense than the book she had pulled out earlier.

“Liyue must’ve been pretty boring.” His mother simply shook her head at the response before setting the weapon aside with the rest of the items they had pulled out. Childe could almost see the new strands of grey hair appearing, a result of all the mishaps the man had dragged his parents through. He, however, tried not to think about it too hard. Tried not to think about how there was probably a valid reason for the glares his father sent him or how his mother had always seemed more concerned with him than any of his other siblings. He didn’t need to add guilt for probably aging his parents by ten years on to his ever growing plate; Amnesia was already filling enough of a meal.

Childe went to grab a pair of pants out of the bag as his mother moved to a different pocket of the bag, paper crinkling from what he could only assume was an unfinished letter to his siblings. Upon pulling out the pants, he noticed that sizable tears, grass stains, and dust littered the fabric. Childe grimaced at the sight. What type of fight did he find himself in to bring his pants to such a disastrous state?

Shaking off the sight of the strange clothing, Childe set aside the pants before reaching to grab something else. To his dismay, he pulled out a jacket and shirt in a similar state. What the hell? Who did he fight and what did they do to him? Throw a meteor down on him or something?

He took a closer look at the clothes, his eyes searching over the extent of the damage. It was… slightly possible to repair the brute of the damage. They would never look as good as new but Childe prided himself on his sewing skills. Perhaps with a little bit of time and the use of his family’s sewing kit, he could make some magic happen. And he had more than enough time just sitting at home to repair the clothes ten times over.

“Mom,” Childe turned his gaze back to his mother, a request to borrow the sewing kit on the tip of his tongue. However, his words were halted when he caught sight of the woman.

His mother’s face had grown to become a dull red as she hastily folded a piece of paper that laid in her hands before pushing it aside.

“Ah, I’m sorry, I didn’t think that that would be…” His mother stuttered an apology before trailing off. The pair stayed frozen in a moment of awkward silence for a moment, his mother not completely meeting his gaze as he continued to drag his stare between her and the piece of paper.

“Huh?” Childe broke the silence.

“I believe that was meant for your eyes only,” his mother began, finally getting her bearings. “Don’t worry, I only glanced over it before I realized what I was reading. I’ll just leave it over here for you to read later.” His mother flashed an attempt at a reassuring, yet it still held a small semblance of shakiness, smiles towards him.

“Oh, okay,” Childe slowly said, his voice holding the same uneasiness as his mother’s smile. He gave the paper one last look as he noticed the handwriting. Or rather noticed the handwriting was not his own.But before he could read much of what was written, only catching the sight of his name at a glance, his mother had begun to chastise him over the clothes still in his hand.

“Now, Ajax. What in the Tsaritsa’s name did you do to turn your clothes into that ? I know you…” His mother began on a tangent that did not seem to have any signs of ending soon. Childe slumped down as he let an exasperated breath out, subjecting himself to the inevitable fate of hearing his mother lecture him on his responsibilities as a young man to keep himself clean and proper especially when living on his own. 

Time after his mother’s lecture and more stuff was pulled out of the bag, his mother grabbed an item from the same pocket as the note, a much slower pace than before to make sure her eyes did not land on anything private once more.

“Oh, look at this, Ajax. It’s so pretty!” His mother’s voice was filled in awe as she held up an item that seemed to almost glow in the sunlight shining through Childe’s window. His eyes landed on a singular earring, carved almost entirely out of a sort of orange stone, that dangled from his mother’s fingers.

“Yeah, it is,” He uttered back, his attention fully on the earring in front of him. The more he looked, the more he realized his mother’s words were more than an understatement. Pretty felt more like an insult than anything. If only she had seen who the earring had originally been a gift to, then perhaps she would have taken the time to use a more outstanding word. After all, Zhongli was miles above ‘pretty’.

Wait.

“Ajax?” His mother called his name with a much more urgent tone, the voice preventing him from even beginning to fully register what just happened to him. “All you alright?”

Childe flashed a shaky smile at his mother.

“Yeah.” Liar .

How the hell was Childe supposed to be alright right then? How was he supposed to be alright with the realization that the limbo he was stuck in was his own doing? How was he supposed to be alright with the knowledge of what he had lost- no, left behind?

How was he supposed to be alright when Zhongli was back into the forefront of his mind, never to be forgotten but never to be seen again?

“The earring is just really beautiful.”

Later, when the moonlight was shining down on him and the town was sleeping, Childe once again laid wide awake in his bed. Except this time, the cold air felt fatal as he traced his finger over the letters littering the paper in his hands.

To my beloved Ajax…

It was easy to imagine Zhongli’s voice reading the letter to him instead of Childe’s own shaky voice as he whispered the words to himself. Easy to imagine the empty space in his bed was occupied by Zhongli. That the frigid air was bearable with a warm body by his side. That Zhongli laid beside him whispering to Childe that everything was alright now.

However, he knew very well that that was only his imagination. In reality, Zhongli sat miles away from Childe in a city he could never even dream of returning to.

In reality, the letter in his hands was the only mark of Zhongli left behind. The only evidence that Zhongli wasn’t just a figment of Childe’s imagination.

The only evidence that Zhongli had ever existed at all.

When Childe awoke the next morning, a steady stream of early sunlight shining through his window warming the previously chilly air, he supposed he should inform the Tsaritsa that he was in shape to return to his duties as a harbinger.

Which was exactly why the first word that he wrote on the piece of paper was ‘Zhongli ’.

Zhongli with a comma after it to be exact.

It would be fine, Childe reassured himself. It would be fine if he waited a few days to inform the Tsaritsa about his condition. It wasn’t as if there was an urgent calling for Childe’s assistance, anyways. With what he had seen during his short time at the Zapolyarny Palace, the Tsaritsa was more occupied with waiting for the rest of her harbingers to finish collecting the other archon’s gnoses before choosing to take the next stop in whatever secretive plan she had be devising for so long.

The few harbingers that were making their stay at the palace did not seem to be occupied with much either, their presence at the palace more for appearances than an actual duty. Childe would probably last about a day before he was wallowing in his own boredom at just walking around the palace with nothing to do. In a way, he was doing her highness a favor by not telling her his memory back more than anything; It saved her the trouble and headache of dealing with a restless harbinger.

He tried not to think about how he was most definitely breaking some sort of protocol by choosing to write a letter to an ex-archon from a foreign land rather than the actual archon he worked for.

Besides, he had more crucial things to think about. One of those things being, what the hell was he supposed to write in this letter?

“Yeah, sorry I kind of disregarded your heartfelt and purely truthful confession just to ditch and forget you anyways. But, hey! I remember you now! So, how’s it going?” Childe would rather throw himself into the snow than to write something so heartless, yet quite honest, to Zhongli.

Perhaps he could write something more sincere to match the mood set by Zhongli’s letter to him. Perhaps something such as, “Dearest Zhongli, I must find it in my sincerest heart to express my fullest of apologies.” Childe was pretty sure that didn’t even make sense.

Childe slumped down in the chair in defeat before catching sight of the cor lapis earring that now sat at his desk, scattering light around the room from the sun’s rays shining down on it. The harbinger could only wonder if Zhongli still wore the other half of the pair, a constant reminder of the love he had last. Or had he pushed the earring away out of sight the moment he realized Childe was truly gone, not ever wanting to remember the chaos Childe had thrown them into?

Childe put the pen he was holding down, deciding to rest his head in his hand as he held up the earring with his left one. His eyes narrowed as he observed the jewel, his mind wandering to the conversation the two had engaged in before everything had turned on its head.

He had called Zhongli cruel then. Cruel when he had said such lovely things to Childe. Cruel when someone such as magnificent as himself could call someone such as Childe beautiful. Cruel when he had always had that sparkle in his eyes when he looked at Childe all the way in the end.

He had called Zhongli cruel for simply refusing to give up on him.

Though Childe could easily admit as he sat alone in his room, his only company the empty air, that he was always the cruel one. From beginning to end. Even now as he stared at the piece of jewelry, wistful for a time that was long gone in the past, he remained cold and cruel.

He had been the one to leave Liyue, he had been the one to drink away the memories they had once shared together. He had been the one to tell Zhongli to leave, to leave everything they had to rot in the dust.

He had been the one to forget, even if it had been temporary, when Zhongli was cruelly fated to a life where he never forgot. Yet even now, as Childe remembered their demise that night, at least he could sit comfortably knowing the after ending. Zhongli, however, did not have the luxury.

Instead, he sat in Liyue in the dark, only assuming Childe had begun to live a life without his existence.

Childe hastily stood up, forcing the letter to the back of his mind. He would not think about this right now. Not when there was no solution to his void of thoughts of what had gone so terribly wrong. He would not sink himself once again into that pit of self doubt, only to hope to forget once again when the shop was nations away from him.

Childe made his way out of his room, a destination already in mind by the time he got to the front door, only to be stopped by his mother.

"Oh, Ajax, are you going out to town?" Childe's mother called from the kitchen table.

"Yeah, why?" Childe titled his head at the question, his hand laying still on the doorknob.

"Take you sister with you, please. She needs a new fishing rod, she broke her’s yesterday."

Childe's eyebrows furrowed at the request, a question at the tip of his tongue. Tonia broke her fishing rod? As in the rod itself? What did she do to warrant replacing the entire rod instead of replacing one part of it.

Childe considered pushing the subject forward towards his mother but kept his mouth closed. Why speak out against being able to spend more time with his sister he hadn't seen for so long until recently?

Though his question was answered not too much later when the man had begun to stroll around the town, Tonia by his side.

"My fishing rod isn't actually broken," Tonia admitted outside the peering ears of their mother.

"I assumed as much," Childe replied with an easy smile. The two fell into a comfortable silence, the only noise coming from the noises of passersby as they entered and exited the few buildings that made up the town.

Today brought a sizable crowd, Childe observed. Of course the density of people around the pair was nowhere near the large number that had always traversed through Liyue Harbor, rain or shine, yet it was a decent size for such a small place such as Morepesok. Perhaps it was the summer winds settling into the new season. Sneznehya was never a place to be known for its warm weather or green grass but anyone could admit that the cold felt less like a frigid curse and more so a bearable cool breeze as the summer lit its way through the darkness of Snezhnaya. Even the mound of snow beneath his feet was shorter today, parts of the sidewalk he and Tonia were crossing over visible under the holes of melted snow.

“Mom told me to come along because she’s worried about you,” Tonia spoke again, her snow boots crunching with the snow as she angled her steps to attempt to step in the naked bits of sidewalk. Childe held in a laugh at the careful movements, his own steps simple and careless, him not being the one to care if a bit of snow landed on his shoes.

“Yeah, that doesn’t sound too far off,” Childe simply said, opting to not explain much more to the girl. It wasn’t as if he didn’t trust her but rather, he was still her older brother no matter how much time passed. If it meant to have her smile for just an extra moment, to not worry about what plagued her big brother’s mind, her could keep his mouth shut. Yet, he did not account for the fact that his siblings did age while he was gone. That the one small and innocent Tonia had grown up in the year Childe was away. That instead of following along with his badly placed lies and shenanigans, she was able to see straight through his mask; This statement proven by the way Tonia’s eyes were currently narrowed at Childe, a million questions shining in her eyes.

“She just caught me in a bit of a weird mood. She probably  thinks I’m upset about something,” Childe gave in the slightest bit, allowing his sister to hear just a bit more. However, he would never slip up and tell her the full story. She would not hear about how reckless and lost her older brother truly was- no, is.  Not as long as he could help it.

It soon became apparent that his words were not enough to quench her curiosity, the same almost skeptical expression painted on her face.

“ Are you upset?” Childe stayed silent at the question for a moment, not too unlike the time Zhongli had asked him if he regretted meeting him. But unlike that lightless night that had almost felt as if it were a year ago, even if it was only two weeks ago in reality, Childe had the answer in his mind before the question had even left Tonia’s mouth.

Of course he was upset. He was upset at himself, at the world, at that shopkeeper, and especially at that stupid wine! One improvement however, was he no longer held malice in his heart towards the consultant. The hot burning anger that had left Childe’s mouth the night of their departure had dissipated into the air, cooled down by the frozen tundra of Snezhnaya.

Of course, he wouldn’t tell his sister that, though.

Childe threw on an easy smile onto his face.

“There’s no need for anyone to worry! I just wanted to go to the library.”

Tonia almost fell over.

“The library?” Tonia asked, not hiding the shock building up on her face, as she steadied herself after tripping on the sidewalk. “ You want to go to the library?”

Childe frowned as he held an arm out to help steady his younger sister.

“Yes, why is it so much of a shock to people that I want to go to the library?” Tonia gave Childe a steady look at his question, almost unblinking, after she had gained her bearings and stood up straight.

“Big brother, you never read,” Tonia said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. In a sense, it was, though, when Childe thought about it. It wasn’t as if he was known for having a book in his hand all the time or anything. Rather, he found no enjoyment in reading most of the time, a fact well known by his family and close people in his life. But Tonia didn’t have to use that tone of voice when acknowledging the fact.

“I know, I know. It’s just a friend I had back in Liyue who was pretty big on reading. Thought I’d give reading another go since I have so much freetime now.” A wistful glint appeared in Childe’s eyes, a beacon of light in the otherwise dark waters of the ocean that laid in his eyes.

It wasn’t a lie this time. He was being undoubtedly honest when he relayed the information to Tonia.

Perhaps he would regret it later in the day when he sat down with a book in his hands, an interest borrowed from someone he was fated to never see once again. Perhaps later in the day, the severity of the situation would finally hit him, and unshed tears would fall from his eyes. Or perhaps it would never fully hit him, the silent shock at the resurface of his memories already having come to pass.

But that was an issue for the future. A dip in the road Childe would come to fall over later. For now, a tug pulled on his heart. Pulled him towards the library. Pulled him towards anything that could bring a spec of what was left of the ghost of Zhongli towards Childe.

Even if Childe didn’t have Zhongli in his grasp, the man would still live alongside Childe. As long as the memory of Zhongli remained on Childe’s mind, he would forever have taken a spot somewhere along the winding road of Childe’s life.

“Oh, a friend from Liyue? You haven’t mentioned Liyue that much,” Tonia spoke in a thoughtful sort of manner.

“Yeah, I guess I haven’t,” Childe muttered, stealing a glance to the side.

“Which friend? Have you mentioned them in one of your letters? Do I know them? Is it that traveler you met? Oh, or that consultant you always write about? Or perhaps the chef, Xiangling was her name?” The once calm tone that had been apparent in Tonia’s voice was replaced with growing excitement, her eagerness to hear about her brother’s time away quite apparent. Childe took a slight step further away from Tonia, his arms thrown up in a surrender.

“Wooah, someone is quite interested in my trip!” A laugh left Childe’s lips even as a slight pull began to tug down on his heart, a familiar ache growing in the pit of his stomach. Yet Childe continued to smile, eager to ignore the yearning that had begun to build.

Tonia gave an enthusiastic nod, almost knocking the hat she was wearing straight off her head.

“Ok, ok! I guess I can let you in on some secret information. It was that consultant I used to write about.”

“Haha, I had a feeling it was him! Jeez, I forgot his name, though. What was it again?” Childe struggled to keep the smile up on his face at the question, his mouth going dry. Zhongli . His name was Zhongli. It was an easy thing to say, just to syllables. A name he had spoken more than enough times for an entire year. Yet then, miles away from said man, it felt as if a weight had kept the harbinger’s mouth closed. As if the name was a secret to lock away from sight.

It was just a name. Yet it was a name that carried a lifetime’s worth of regrets and unsaid words.

“Zhongli,” Childe said as almost a whisper.

“Yeah, that was his name! Mr. Zhongli!” Tonia replied much more enthusiastically before noticing Childe’s sudden dismal mood. Soon her lips turned downward, her expression not too far off from Childe’s.

“You miss him.”

Childe nodded.

“Yeah.”

“You should visit him, then! I’m sure he misses you, too!” Childe could only feel guilty to be the one to remove the excitement that had begun building on Tonia’s face when he responded, opting to continue to tell her the realistic truth in this situation.

“Maybe, but I can’t exactly go back to Liyue.” Childe let out a sheepish laugh after he said that, full aware of how he sugar coated his words. Though he’d rather be caught dead than have any one of his siblings find out that he almost destroyed a city and was now wanted. However, Childe’s words did nothing to disappoint Tonia. More so, she seemed even more excited.

“Then you should have him visit here instead. I’d love to meet him!” She clapped her hands together, a pep in her step as she continued to list unreachable ideas.

“It’s still not that simple.” Tonia huffed at that, an aggravated expression taking over the once glowing excitement that shined from her face.

“That’s what I don’t get about adults. They always over complicate stuff. If you want to do something so much, then just go do it. I don’t see what’s so hard about it,” she complained as she crossed her arms, her steps slowing back down to a much slower pace.

Childe’s steps halted, causing the younger girl to fully stop and turn around.

“Big brother?”

“That's it! You're right!” Childe exclaimed, a lightbulb setting off in his head.

“Wait, I am?” Tonia asked in bafflement at the sudden change in Childe’s tone. But before her question could be answered, Childe was already turning around, making a beeline back to their house.

“Tonia, let’s go back home, I’ve just gotten an idea!”

In a broad sense, Tonia was right. Not about Zhongli visiting or Childe going back to Liyue, but rather she was right not over complicating things. He had been having so much trouble thinking of what to say to Zhongli because he was trying too hard to match what Zhongli had said to him. But Zhongli had always been the one with an extensive vocabulary, not Childe. So why should Childe change how he spoke now?

That was how Childe found himself sitting back at his desk later, the piece of paper in front of him with a pen in his hand, and a million ideas floating through his head.

Childe gave three taps to the edge of his dask with his pen before he began to write. Except this time, instead of overthinking the words he wanted to say, instead of trying to match the magic Zhongli had crafted on the page with just ink and his words, Childe instead let his pen wander, his thoughts landing directly on the paper.

Zhongli,

Yesterday I remembered you.

Childe sunk down into his chair once he had finished writing the letter before grabbing for the cor lapis earring that still sat on his desk. But instead of simply observing it this time, he put it into his ear, replacing the usual earring he wore.

It’s funny in a sense. I had been so worried before about what I would possibly do if I had remembered you once I returned to Snezhnaya. Yet now, as I sit here with full memory of you and Liyue, I’ve found that it really isn’t the end of the world. In fact, I think I’m glad I remember everything. Life felt much too empty without knowing what an exciting year I had before.

“That earring looks good on you, Ajax!” Childe’s mother complimented him in awe, later that afternoon as the family sat around the dinner table. A tiny smile appeared on his face as he brushed a hand over the piece of jewelry, his mind turning back to when someone else had said something similar to him about the earring.

That isn’t to say this calm yet melancholy feeling won’t leave soon. I’m still waiting for reality to hit me. The reality that I really did leave.

Later that night, when Childe was alone in his room, the rest of the town dead asleep, everything finally came crashing down. He dug his head into his pillow, fingers digging deep into the fabric as they grasped onto the item for dear life, ugly sobs leaving his mouth.

But that has yet to happen. So that’s good, I guess. That isn’t to say I don’t care. It’s the opposite honestly. But I suppose you wouldn’t exactly know that based on how I acted the night before I left Liyue.

Childe wasn’t surprised when he woke up the next morning to stinging eyes and a wet pillow. Nor was he surprised when his throat felt as if it were on fire when a yawn left his mouth, one of the only pieces of evidence that the night before had not been a distant nightmare left to be forgotten in the morning. 

Though Childe found himself not wanting to forget what had happened in the late hours of the day. It seemed as if forgetting was becoming just as tiresome as remembering.

I regret how I acted that night. I regret lashing out on you. I regret telling you to leave. I regret drinking that wine. I regret not saying goodbye to you. I regret so much what had happened. I had felt as if I had been backed in a corner, with nowhere else to run to. But as much as I wish I could take everything I did back, I know it is not possible. What’s happened in the past, happened already. There’s no taking that back. I’ve been learning that a lot lately.

Unlike any morning before he had spent at his family’s home, this one felt particularly empty. Not a heart wrenching one that made Childe crave for the love and warmth that existed miles away but rather an emptiness that left Childe laying on his back, only able to stare at the still ceiling above him. He supposed he should get up soon to eat breakfast soon yet his limbs remained still, almost as if they were heavy bricks laying on the ground.

He would get up soon, he told himself.

Sooner or later.

You had asked me if I regretted meeting you. Back then, I had been unable to answer you. To be honest, I didn’t know the answer myself. My head had been turned upside down and I was already disoriented enough that night. But now that I have had time to think about it, I can easily answer. No, I don’t regret meeting you. I never did regret it,

A knock sounded on Childe’s door eventually.

He wasn’t sure how much time passed between him waking up and his mother now opening the door. A minute, perhaps? Or maybe an hour?

He didn’t know. And he didn’t exactly care.

“Ajax?” His mother called his name, her voice wavering at the sight of her son laying in his bed still, his limbs laid flat out against the sheets as empty eyes stared at the ceiling.

“I remembered, Mom,” he spoke in a shallow tone, his own voice sounding foreign to his ears.

All of those memories we shared together. I don’t want to forget that. I wish I never had forgotten that. Even if we’ll never meet again, I’m still happy to have gotten to know you. To be able to have been by your side for all of those days during my time in Liyue. I would be a fool to say I regret meeting someone like you, Zhongli.

“I love him so much, Mom,” Childe croaked into his mother’s shoulder as her arms wrapped around him, soothing circles being traced onto his back. “But I left him! Why did I have to leave him?”

Childe was now sitting up, fresh tears running down his face as he grasped on to his mother not too much unlike the way he had grabbed onto his pillow last night. His mother did not utter a word, even as she sat there with no clear explanation as to what had happened the last week Childe had been in Liyue, instead allowing her son to whisper or yell everything he needed to.

“I was so stupid! Why didn’t I just tell him how I felt? Why did I tell him to go away? But now he’s gone! He’s gone and he’s never coming back!”

A few more sobs left the man’s mouth.

“I miss him, Mom! I miss him so much that it hurts!”

I don’t regret leaving Liyue, though. Even now I know there was no possible way for me to stay there. I was hated there. People looked at me as if I were a monster. Perhaps, I was in their eyes. I mean I had almost destroyed their city. And of course, I can’t forget how I am now a wanted criminal there. I had overstayed my time in Liyue. A city I had grown to love had grown to hate me. But even then, I don’t regret my time spent there. Even if it is now just a memory lost to time, it wasn’t a waste of mine. I’ll always remember you and Liyue, that I can promise. I’m done forgetting.

“I don’t know your exact situation, Honey. But I do know how it feels to love someone so much, even when they’re gone or have changed into someone unrecognizable,” his mother began to speak when Childe’s sobs had quieted down to shallow breaths.

“All you can do is move forward. That isn't to say you forget them. No, instead you carry what they had taught you forward in life. We can’t help what happens in the future. All we can do is focus on the present. And when the past was once the present, you had loved him and cherished him as best as you knew how to in that moment. Even if you want to turn back time and change what has been done, you can’t. I hate to say it but you just can’t. I think that’s what makes the present just that much more satisfying.”

“Every moment is unique in itself, and those moments you had spent with him will be irreplaceable. But rather than looking at the end of your time together, why not look at the beginning and middle? If you had been so happy during those times, don’t you think you ought to allow yourself now in the present to think upon those happy times too?”

I read your letter before I left. Yeah, I know how much of an asshole I sound like. I read the letter where you trusted me with your entire heart and still took it upon myself to leave the way I did. Trust me, I’ve thought about what I could have done different enough for a lifetime in just the span of a few hours. I know, I’m dumb. It’s ok, I’m already self aware of it.

It took about three days for Childe to leave the house.

He wished he could say it was because of a sudden strike of happiness hitting him somewhere in the middle of his despair. Or that he had decided it was about time to spend more time with the siblings he had spent so much time missing just to leave them in the dust when he spent the majority of his time in his room lately.

But no, he left to simply deliver the letter to the post office. If he didn’t hurry up and deliver the letter, the Liyue trading boat would leave with the mail adding an extra month to the delivery. If he had to take a guess, he would estimate that it would take two months for himself to get a reply, that was if Zhongli replied. For all Childe knew, Zhongli could never want to even hear his name again.

But Childe wasn’t sending the letter for a reply. He was sending a letter to give Zhongli an explanation, and perhaps closure for both of them. Or maybe the letter would end up in the trash of the Wangshu Funeral Parlor. After all, the letter was to be sent to the man’s workplace instead of his home.

Childe could only laugh at himself for never learning the man’s address as he walked into the post office.

You know, no one has ever said anything to me like what you said in that letter. No one has ever made me feel… like this. I was stupid for getting mad at you for not being great with your words when it counted, yet here I am, wordless on how you’ve made me feel all this time. Of course I can say that I love you, which is true, we both know that by now. But even that doesn’t feel like enough. The way you look at me, the way your voice softens when you talk to me, the way you’re always so carful with your touches even though you could easily crush a rock with just a grip, it always brought such a warm feeling into my chest. I’ll be honest, I miss it, I miss it so much.

I miss you.

I should stop with that. It’s not fair for me to say that when I was the one who left Liyue. I’ll have to make sure to cross that out before I send you this letter. If I forget to cross it out, you can send me all the hate mail you want. Perhaps I should tell you about something else.

Today, Tonia and I almost went to the library.

Childe had one more stop after the post office before he made his way home.

He stood in front of the building that was his destination just a few days ago before walking in. He could easily pretend to himself that he had no clue what he was looking for, but his feet still lead him to one book in particular.

Heart’s Desire .

We didn’t go in, though. Sorry to disappoint. But she really inspired me during our outing on what to write. So I came back home to write this instead. Don’t worry, I’ll go visit the library soon! That’s a promise. A pinkie promise, specifically.

It only took about a week for Childe to read the book. Though it shouldn’t have been too much of a surprise. The majority of his days lately had consisted of reading the book, eating, and sleeping. Still, it was a vast improvement from barely reading at all to clearing a book in a few days.

Zhongli would probably be proud.

Childe didn’t hesitate to borrow the next book from the series from the library the next day.

I can’t promise I’ll actually like what I read but we can only hope right? Maybe it’ll really get my siblings really into reading, or something. Celestia knows it’s probably too late for me to become a bookworm like someone (you), but it’d be a great hobby for them to pick up.

It takes about another week for a knock to sound from Childe’s door during the middle of the night, a book currently in his grip.

“I can’t sleep,” Teucer said once he made his way into the man’s room. Childe gave the book in his hand one last glance before he responded.

“Do you want me to read to you?”

How Childe ended up with all three of his younger siblings asleep in his bed by the end of the book was beyond him. Though he could not find himself complaining when all of them joined him on his next trip to the library.

You’ve taught me a lot, I’ve realized. Left quite the impact on me, haven’t you? You’ve taught me the interest of books firstly, of course.

By the end of the month, Childe had returned the last book of the Heart’s Desire series to the library. Though the man did not leave the library empty handed, instead, just another one of Zhongli’s book recommendations sat in his hands.

The book did not, in fact, disappoint.

You’ve taught me what an actual challenging fight is.

The last bits of snow laid on the ground outside of the house as the middle of the summer began to come in full swing. Of course the grounds of Snezhnaya would never fully be clear, but when blades of grass poked throw the snowy layer of white, it was not a common occurrence.

The threat of not seeing a sizeable bit of snow had lead Childe to do exactly what he did as the group had returned from the library.

“Oomf!” Anthon stumbled as a snowball hit his back, quickly turning around to realize his assailant was Childe himself.

“Oh you’re on!”

Soon the four siblings had covered themselves head to toe in snow, broken down forts and beheaded snowmen now littering the yard. The four of them laid in wreckage, catching their breaths at the intense fight.

It was when an amused chuckle left Childe’s lips that his siblings looked at him in awe, almost surprised to see the man in such a happy mood compared to how had been acting lately. Though the surprised expression soon turned to ones of joy also.

Childe could only find himself thankful if it meant those big smiles stayed planted on his siblings faces for a little longer.

You’ve taught me much more history than should be humanly possible.

“Can’t sleep?” Childe asked one night as Teucer sat at the edge of his door frame once again? The boy gave a small nod in response.

“Want me to tell you another bedtime story?” Teucer hesitated before stepping in.

“Mom, told me I should stop coming here so much in the middle of the night. She said you need lots of alone time right now.” A thoughtful hum left Childe’s lips at that, understanding the hidden message behind those words much more than Teucer himself.

“She said that, did she? Well, you tell her next time Buddy that you’re always welcome,” Childe decided on saying with a smile on his face as he patted the spot next to his bed. Teucer did not hesitate to make himself comfortable at Childe’s side.

“Hmm, how about tonight I tell you an ancient Liyue story, one rumored to have been passed down from Rex Lapis himself? It starts with a mountain dragon and a sea god…”

You’ve taught me the greatness of an expensive Liyuan meal, even if how much you wanted to eat it would have turned a normal person dirt poor by now.

It was when the family had returned from ice fishing particularly late one day that Childe had taken it upon himself to cook dinner for that night, the usual ingredients used by his family untouched even by the time dinner was finished.

“Oh, Ajax, what’s this?” His mother had asked in curiosity when his family members had returned home to the sight of dinner on the table.

“Jade parcels,” Childe answered with a small smile. “I used to have them all the time back in Liyue, so I thought I’d make them for us tonight. A friend taught me a recipe on how to make them a bit before I left.”

He could feel his mother’s eyes search his face, looking for any sign that there were cracks in the mask Childe normally wore, but a genuine smile remained on his face.

I still remember when Xiangling taught me how to make her jade parcels that one time with those slimes. Maybe I’ll make them one day… without the slimes of course. But I’m getting off topic, aren’t I? The point is, you’ve taught me a lot, Zhongli. More than I can list. And it was wrong of me to try to forget that just so I could selfishly move on from everything I was leaving behind in Liyue. I could spend all day thinking of a million different ways of saying this but I’ll just say it as it is: I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all of the trouble I’ve caused us lately. I know sorry won’t fix everything but I know it is much better than simply staying silent.

You know, there was one last thing you taught me.

“Zhongli and I used to eat jade parcels all the time. He’s the one who got me into them, actually,” Childe reminisced later that night as he and his mother cleaned up the table, the scene not too unlike the one the pair had found themselves in after the first dinner they had when Childe had come home.

“Oh really? I’ve got to say, he’s got great taste in food then,” his mother responded with amusement, a careful look still hidden in her eyes.

“Yeah, for sure. Expensive taste but still good taste,” Childe gave off a quiet laugh to himself before continuing, his voice much quieter. “You would’ve liked him.”

“Oh, really?”

“Heh, yeah definitely. He’s basically the embodiment of what you’re always pestering me to do. Clean clothes? Check. Clean surroundings? Check. Smart choices? Mostly, yes. He’s basically the good angel on my shoulder.” A smile began to worm its way onto Childe’s face, a warm feeling travelling through his veins at the memory of the man.

“How’d you ever come to meet a man like that? He doesn’t sound like the person you would just happen to stumble upon?”

Childe let out a laugh.

“You would never guess.” A pause. “Though, I suppose that’s in the past now. No use dwelling on it so much now.”

Or maybe this teaching was more of a work in process. But no matter what you consider it, it’s all the same. Perhaps… perhaps I should wait on this one. It would be no use to mention an unfinished topic in an already never-ending letter. Now I know how you felt writing your letter.

I’ll end it with this then. Even if we never see each other again, even if we’ve already said our final goodbyes, I’m not saying goodbye to the memory of you. You’ve left too much of an impact on my life for me to simply whisk it away. The shopkeeper was right. You never fall out of love with the ones who love you back, you just hide it away. It seems as if I had tried that but found myself at a failure.

I’ll always love you, I know that. But it’s about time I’ve begun to learn to live in a world where that love will not lead to my own self destruction. Perhaps if you really do make good on that offer of visiting Snezhnaya one day, I can show you love that won’t lead to our downfall.

Forever yours,

Ajax

It took about two months and a half after Childe had sent the letter out for him to get a reply.

He had just been sitting at the kitchen table, a book based on a Snezhnayan fairytale open before a letter was set down in front of him by his mother. Childe only had to take one look at where the letter was from before Childe was making a beeline to his room, the envelope already half open before he could make his way through the doorway.

Childe noticed something was off when he grabbed a piece of paper out of the envelope, only to notice it was his own letter that he had sent. With a frown, he went to peak inside the envelope once again, another piece of paper sitting in it.

Childe only let out a disappointed sigh before sitting down on the edge of his bed as he caught sight of the greeting written on the second letter.

Dear Mr. Childe

Well that was… unexpected he had to admit. Childe was well aware that he was in no place to expect Zhongli to even begin to forgive him yet, he had expected a slightly warmer greeting than the one in front of him if he were to get a reply at all.

The harbinger took a moment before he read the rest of the letter, preparing himself to not let the words freeze him with their icy sting.

Dear Mr. Childe,

I’ll keep this quick since I see your letter was meant for Zhongli instead of me. I really tried not reading too much of it but you know, I wanted to make sure it wasn’t too urgent for the parlor! I’ve heard you’re not living in Liyue anymore so I guess you haven’t heard the news… Zhongli is gone. He’s been gone for a few months now, since June. Not as in dead, of course! I mean he’s left Liyue. Poof! Gone! He’s not kidnapped or anything since he packed all of his stuff but he’s definitely not here. I wouldn’t even be able to begin to be able to guess where he might’ve went and gone off to. I know you sent this to Zhongli but that’s not exactly possible at the moment… I thought about just saving this to give to him when he comes back but I’m not exactly sure he’s coming back anytime soon. I don’t know, I just have a feeling the letter you wrote will be in better care with you. Out of the two of us, I would believe you’d end up seeing him way sooner than I would. Trust me, I know these things!

Sincerely,

Director Hu Tao

Childe took five minutes more as he dug his face into his empty hand, a laugh at the tip of his tongue.

What the hell had Zhongli been up to when Childe had left?

Zhongli had always told him that leaving Liyue would be a difficult decision he would not be able to begin to think about until time had passed and he was prepared to leave behind all that had haunted him. Yet not even a month after Childe had left Liyue, Zhongli had decided he was just about ready to-

Childe stopped his train of thought right there.

No, he would not do that to himself. He would not immediately jump to conclusions that lead him down an endless rabbit hole. Not anymore.

There must’ve been a reason as to why Zhongli had left in such a hurry and had been able to do so so easily. One idea tugged at the back of Childe’s mind, one that involved a shop covered in a veil of darkness and murky wine, but he immediately dismissed the thought.

Zhongli was much more sensical than Childe, he would never even begin to think of pulling a stunt like that.

The man ignored the ugly feeling that began to twist in his stomach, deciding to instead place the envelope and its contents on a nearby shelf. He was not going to think over what had lead Zhongli to leave Liyue in such a haste. What good would it do him if he knew? Just another reason to worry if he learned something bad had happened to the man? Or a reason to finally let go of him if he learned that Zhongli was much happier elsewhere?

In the end, it didn’t matter. Zhongli was gone- had been gone from Childe’s life for months. There was no use in getting hung up over it.

It took until the next afternoon, when Childe found himself sitting alone long after his family had left to go ice fishing, that he finally decided he needed a distraction.

It wasn’t his usual time to go to the library, the harbinger usually set on visiting the building in the morning before his day had even begun to start or a few rare times in the night when his day had just finished. But Childe decided the unusual time to visit the library was not much compared to the sick feeling he had begun to feel ever since he had learned Zhongli had simply disappeared from Liyue.

It was beyond Childe, he know that. Yet he couldn’t help but worry, no matter how much he told himself not to.

Perhaps it wasn’t as big of a problem to worry as Childe had originally believed it to be, he decided on as he made his way for the library. Was it not normal to worry about a friend’s state in life after knowing them for a year? Would it not be more heartless to simply not care?

Childe decided to not ponder on the question anymore once he entered the library, his feet leading him aimlessly through the rows of books. Eventually he had found himself in a section he had found himself in a few times before.

Various stories from Liyue, some Childe recognized from his time in the city, lined the shelfs in the aisle. He could only be thankful that only one other person stood in the aisle with Childe, a person with long dark hair that was tied up and hidden under a wool hat, as he slowly stepped through the section still in a slight daze.  He was fully aware that almost no one knew exactly what they were looking for in a library, but he couldn’t help but still feel a little embarrassed at his aimless wandering.

He continued to walk down the aisle in the direction of the other person, their face currently covered by a book they seemed highly engrossed in. Childe had just about exited the aisle, already past the person, before he heard them mutter a sentence to their self. Maybe they uttered a sentence from the book or thought aloud about the story, it did not matter to Childe in the end.

All that mattered to Childe as how familiar that voice sounded. A voice that rang low but carried a subtle warmth with it. A voice that he hadn’t heard in months.

Childe immediately turned around when he heard the book close, desperate to see who had been standing in the aisle with him.

He was not surprised when he saw a familiar thoughtful gaze that sat on the now closed book, cor lapis eyes almost glowing in concentration. Even after months apart, Childe could still recognize those eyes from a mile away.

The once hazy fog that had clouded Childe’s mind for the past day had finally cleared, his mind now focused in on the man in front of him. Before he could think about it, almost as if it were second nature, Childe’s lips were already moving, causing the man to turn to face Childe.

“Zhongli.”

Chapter Text

Zhongli didn’t remember him.

It was as clear as day to Childe.

Even as Zhongli looked at Childe as if Celestia had fallen down at his feet while his name slowly trickled off his lips, an almost silent and broken “Childe? ” leaving his mouth, Childe knew Zhongli did not remember him.

Or rather, he had not remembered Childe just a moment ago.

The glint of recognition and shock that now shone through Zhongli’s eyes, had not been present a few seconds ago when Childe had called out Zhongli’s name. Instead, when Childe had spoken the man’s name, Zhongli had looked at Childe as if he were a stranger. As if he had never seen his face before.

As if he had never had a single memory of Childe.

And Childe was no idiot.

He had recognized that clouded look, having experienced it enough times himself when he had been in Liyue to know what exactly that entailed.

Zhongli had drank the wine. Childe saw it with a sickening clarity. And Zhongli had only now remembered upon sight of the harbinger.

Yet Childe held his tongue, choosing instead to swallow down the nauseating feeling building up in the pit of his stomach. It would do him good not to confront Zhongli right now. Not as they stood in a silent yet very public building. And not when Zhongli looked as if he were going to fall over at the sight of Childe.

Instead he could only watch as many emotions ran through Zhongli’s eyes. Confusion, recognition, shock, and finally… one Childe wasn’t too sure of. It was an unreadable sort of expression, an expression that he had only seen on the man’s face a few times before. An expression that had once brought dread to his soul three months ago, simply just a sight that affected Childe as much as the summer breeze did on a windy day; It was there and present, but it fades into the background noise. And right now, the expression on Zhongli’s face had only bled into the dull background of Childe’s life.

Perhaps he would have- no he most definitely would have been effected by such a look upon Zhongli’s face before he had made his departure from Liyue. He had already witnessed it time and time before. But now, after broken hearts and empty months away from the life he had known for the last year, it did not do much to affect Childe.

He had already prepared himself for rejection. For a rejection from Zhongli’s life. To be thrown out, apology given or not. The expression on Zhongli’s face said just that: Childe was not welcomed.

And for once, Childe was willing to listen to Zhongli’s request. Perhaps he could not find it in himself to indulge in the request of staying in Liyue before, so adamant on leaving, but now as he yearned to stay by Zhongli’s side, the man in question was easily expressing that he wanted Childe gone. And for once, Childe was willing to set aside his own feelings to do just that.

Of course, burning questions still plagued his mind at the sight of the Liyuen man in the foreign nation. For one, what had he even been doing when he left Liyue? Why was he here ? And thirdly, what had dragged him to such extremes to drink the terrible wine that he had cautioned Childe on countless times?

The sick feeling in his stomach only continued to build when he realized the answer to that last question was quite obvious.

But it was no longer the time to dwell on it. Childe had months to waste away, to play over the events of his last week in Liyue over and over again until the moon was high in the sky. He had more than enough time to prepare for the day Zhongli finally closed the door on him, clicked the lock, shut him away from his life such as many before.

Yet it didn't make it hurt any less.

With a spec of hesitancy, Childe began to raise his foot to walk away and leave, intent of giving Zhongli the space he needed. He had already screwed up enough by trudging up bad memories that would probably never again be forgotten. However, he froze up when Zhongli made his move.

The man had begun to raise an arm towards Childe, as if he were reaching out for an embrace. But, before gloved fingers could make contact with the coat that laid over Childe, the limb stopped in place.

Oh?

Or perhaps Childe had found himself making a dire misconception once again. Perhaps Zhongli was just as starstruck as Childe when catching sight of the one he loved after so much time away. Perhaps he had longed for Childe the same way the harbinger did for him during long nights when the stars in the sky were the only ones keeping him company.

Childe could only think of perhaps’s as he took a step towards Zhongli, biting down on his hesitation, before wrapping his arms around the man. Childe didn’t miss the way Zhongli tensed up under his arms, frozen in place.

Or perhaps, Childe had been right the whole time. Perhaps he and Zhongli were a lost cause, his memory a spec of dust Zhongli wanted to blow away into the wind right more.

Yet before Childe could remove his arms, take a step back from the leap he had just made, previously frozen arms wrapped around Childe tightly, as if he were going to blow away into the wind if Zhongli didn’t hold on.

“Ajax,” the low tremor of Zhongli’s voice ghosted against Childe’s ear, the soft breath from his whisper tickling the harbingers’s ear.

And archons, Childe could not lie and say that this was not one of the best hugs in his life. There was just something about hugging Zhongli. Something about the warm arms that held Childe close.

Perhaps, Childe could believe Zhongli had longed for him during those months away from Childe, during the time Childe had left him completely alone in the darkness of the night. Perhaps he could believe that if he was a stupider man.

But Childe knew the reality. Childe knew that not a single thought of him ran through Zhongli’s mind until a moment ago.

Childe removed himself from Zhongli’s arms at that thought, a shaky smile forming on his face.

“I think we’re overdue for a long discussion, Zhongli. Don’t you think?” He let out a small laugh after that sentence, internally cringing at the noise. Who the hell laughs in this situation?

Thankfully, used to Childe’s antics, Zhongli simply nodded at those words before responding.

“Yes, I believe it would benefit us to discuss what had… occurred before your departure from Liyue.”

“Yeah, cool, cool…” Childe was going to throw himself in the snow. If he thought laughing right now was so bad, saying “cool, cool” was downright horrendous.

“Um, we can talk back at my place, if you want,” Childe continued hastily, his voice a lot more steady now. “No one’s home right now, it’d definitely be a lot more private than here.”

His family’s house was probably a much better place than the library for whatever discussion they were about to have. He didn't have an exact clue of what was going to be said, his mind still focused on the fact that Zhongli had drunk the wine, but he could already tell he didn't want the entirety of the library hearing them talking about memory erasing wine.

And what better place than his house when his family had left to go ice fishing?

At least he had thought so.

“Big Broth-” Teucer’s excited voice rang out at the sight of Childe opening the front door, immediately cutting himself off at the sight of another man at his brother’s side.

“Oh, Teucer, you’re home,” Childe simply said, standing frozen in the doorway. Though on a closer glance, it was not just Teucer sitting at the kitchen table. Rather, Tonia sat to Teucer’s left with Anthon sitting to her left. Over by the furnace, their parents stood over an array of ingredients, caught in the middle of making a meal. And oh, was that calla lilly seafood soup they were making?

Well huh, so much for having a private discussion with Zhongli.

Childe didn’t have long to focus on that, however, Teucer’s stare on him now being joined by the stares of his other siblings and parents. A silence went on for a moment, an uncomfortable blanket covering the acne, making Childe want to simply turn around and close the door to the sight. If he couldn't see it, it wasn’t happening, right?

“Childe, I believe the house is not empty,” Zhongli murmured in Childe’s ear, finally breaking the silence. Childe slowly nodded in response.

“Yes, I believe it isn’t empty either.”

“Ajax, you’ve brought a guest?” Childe’s mother finally broke the silence, a polite smile forming on her lips.

Childe and Zhongli exchanged a wordless glance.

“Ah, yes, I guess I have,” Childe slowly drew out the words as he sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. “This is um, this is Zhongli.”

Her eyebrows shot very high up.

“Zhongli ?” The name came out of her mouth in a tone of befuddlement. 

“Yeah, we um, we ran into each other while I was out at the library,” Childe answered, not quite sure on what was going on either.

“Is that so?” His mother continued, still speaking as if she was not sure that the sight in front of her was real.

“I could leave if I am intruding,” Zhongli offered.

“No, you’re fine dear! I’m just surprised to see you here is all! Ajax has talked a lot about you so it’s just a shock to actually see you in person.” Childe’s mother was fast to reply, a smile forming on her face. “I’m sorry if seeing us is such a surprise! We got back early from ice fishing so we started up dinner! You two go ahead and make yourselves comfortable at the table. Dinner will be ready in a few.”

“Here you go, Dear. Ajax said you don’t like seafood very much so I made you soup without it. I hope you like it!”

Childe’s mother and father began to place dinner around the table, his father particularly avoiding where Childe and Zhongli sat.

“Thank you. I am sure it will be delicious,” Childe heard Zhongli respond from his left.

It was when everyone was settled and began to eat dinner that the questions started.

“So, Zhongli, you’re from Liyue, right?” Childe’s mother asked from across the table earning a polite nod back from the man.

“Yes, that is correct.”

“So, what brings you to Snezhnaya?”

“I have been traveling as of lately. I had just come from Mondstadt and the choices between the two closest nations were Snezhnaya and Fontaine, so I decided to visit Snezhnaya next. I had only been in Morepesok for a few days before I encountered Ajax in the library today. I am not quite sure of what my next location will be yet.”

“Oh wow! So you’ve traveled quite a bit!”

Childe looked over at Zhongli, the shock evident on his face. Traveling? Well, this was news to him.

However, Chile’s thoughts were soon cut off Teucer’s voice, the boy’s eyes laying curiously on Zhongli as he began to speak.

“Y’know, Big Brother has this one earring he wears all the time that looks a lot like your eyes.”

Childe wanted to drop his own head into the soup sitting in front of him.

Teucer; His lovely lovely brother Tuecer. He loved that boy to death and was willing to move heaven and Earth just to make him smile. But currently he could only question as to why whoever sat in Celestia had brought his little brother to say such a thing in front of Zhongli, no- in front of Zhongli and his entire family.

He looked around the dinner table, his eyes searching for someone to save him from his misery. His gaze eventually landed on Tonia, the girl who had saved him from the chaotic first dinner they had eaten when he came back home, his heart hoping she could come to his rescue once again. However, the hope was hastily snuffed out when he caught sight of Tonia’s expression, a badly hidden grin behind a hand held up to her mouth. What a traitor!

“Oh, is that so?” A tone of curiosity was laced in between the words of Zhongli’s question, causing Childe to turn to look at him. Contrary to Childe’s expectation of Zhongli throwing a similar expression to Tonia’s at his siblings, one that sat on the edge of laughter, his eyes sat on Childe instead.

Childe could have melted right there in his seat right in that moment.

A warm yet teasing smile sat on Zhongli’s lips, his eyes looking upon Childe as if he were the embodiment of Celestia itself.

He found it was hard not to believe so when Zhongli was looking at him like that .

Childe found himself thinking back to when he and Zhongli had stood in the Wanwen Bookhouse back in Liyue, frozen under an amber stare. It was similar, Childe could observe as he sat at the dinner table with his family and Zhongli. It was all so similar, as if Childe had never even left Liyue. Except this time, as he was left almost breathless under his stare, Childe was not left wordless.

“Yes, actually. Why, you wanna see me wear it again?” A toothy grin broke out on Childe’s face.

Zhongli let out an amused huff at that, his eyebrows raising. Though his face remained smiling, as if nothing Childe could say or do would take him down from his high.

Childe did not let himself think of how he was the exact one who caused Zhongli’s despair not too long ago.

“I don't believe I would have to answer that, seeing as you’ve taken quite a liking to wearing it anyways.” 

Childe felt the heat rush up his face as sunk lower in the chair, warranting another laugh from Zhongli.

“You do not have to look so distressed, Ajax. I still have the other half of the pair. It’s sitting with the rest of my stuff where I’m staying as we speak.”

Childe could already hear the whispers coming from the two oldest of his younger siblings before Zhongli had even finished his sentence.

“Wait, ‘other half of the pair’?” Anthon whispered non discreetly towards Tonia.

“They have matching earrings?” Tonia returned, equally loud in whisper.

The pair exchanged suspicious looks before looking back over towards Childe. He could already tell what was going to leave their mouths next would be almost as troublesome as what Teucer had said just a few moments ago.

Childe, however, had not been counting on the question leaving him even more speechless than when Teucer mentioned the earring.

“Big Brother, is Mr. Zhongli your boyfriend?”

If Childe had simply wanted to dip his head into his soup before, he now wanted to drown himself in it at Anthon’s words.

For a reason beyond him, Childe sent another desperate look in Tonia’s direction, only to be met with the sight of her uttering words to Teucer.

“Boyfriend?” Teucer had repeated the word back to Tonia, his eyes widened to an almost comical amount. Tonia gave the boy a nod in return, not doing well to hide the mischievous smirk on her face at the new development to the dinner table conversation.

“Yeah. Refined and handsome, Big Brother really brought home a catch!” Childe could only be left gaping at his siblings words, Tonia doing well to do anything but save him. Seeing that he couldn’t even rely on his own family, Childe turned to the next person he hoped could be his savior. To his dismay, he was met with an equally wordless look from Zhongli, the man not knowing how to answer the question either.

Oh great!

Childe sank down in his chair, sending a hopeless look over to Zhongli as he racked his brain for a decent answer to Anthon’s question.

In reality, was Zhongli his boyfriend? His mind flashed to memories of Liyue, soft touches and so many almosts but also scenes of a rejected kiss and arguments on a mountainside. Childe decided that no, they most definitely were not together, especially after Liyue.

But what exactly were they? Friends? Shouts and goodbyes filled his mind. Perhaps even friend was still a strong word at this point.

So perhaps acquaintances? No, Childe could very well see the scene around him. You did not bring acquaintances to meet your family, even if it was a bit of an accident.

Childe held himself back from letting out a heavy and frustrated breath, wanting to do nothing more than pull out his hair over such a conundrum. If Zhongli was neither his lover, friend, or acquaintance, then what the hell was he?

Memories of an earnest letter, talks of marriage, and a pair of chopsticks sitting in his room appeared in Childe’s head.

Oh archons...

Forget any other of Childe’s guesses, were he and Zhongli engaged ?

“How about we focus on our dinner and save the questions for later. I’m sure Mr. Zhongli would rather eat his meal than getting questioned right now, wouldn’t you say?” Their mother’s gentle yet firm tone sounded from across the table.

Childe let out a breath he had no idea he was holding at those words, flashing his mother a bright smile.

‘Thank you,’ he mouthed, earning a soft nod from his mother and a look that held too much understanding in her eyes for his liking.

“You really didn’t have to help us, Zhongli.” The sound of soft laugher came from Childe’s mother’s lips as she put down the last dish they had washed down to dry. Beams from a setting sun cascaded down through the kitchen window, lighting up Zhongli as he shook his head while going to adjust the rolled up sleeves of his dress shirt.

“It would be rude of me to do otherwise. After being treated to such a delightful meal, the least I could do is assist in cleaning up.” Childe’s mother simply blinked in surprise at that before a slow smile grew.

“Well, when you put it like that, how can I deny your help!” She turned to look at Childe next, already a mischievous glint shining in her eyes. “I like him, Ajax! Bring him around more often, will you?”

And Zhongli had the decency to look bashful at that. The man looked down towards the ground, his eyes almost squinted in what seemed like relief as a bit of color spotted his cheeks. Wait, was that a blush ? A blush on Zhongli’s face?

What parallel universe had Childe fallen into?

“Mom, you’re embarrassing him,” Childe groaned, though this did not do much to deter her. Instead a laugh left her lips as she went to stand beside Zhongli, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“What? I’m just being honest! He’s a nice young man!”

Childe let out a sigh at that, opting to be silent. He did not have the heart to tell her that the ‘nice young man’ was actually six-thousand years old.

“Thank you, ma’am,” Zhongli simply said, that same nervous smile still on his face.

Oh Archons, his mother was going to have a field day with this one.

Childe’s mother sent a baffled look over towards him, her mouth shaping out the word ‘Ma’am’ as if it were part of a spectacular and new foreign language. Childe had been wrong before when he had described Zhongli to his mother not too long ago. She did not like him. No, she loved him.

He could already hear his mother questioning him every hour about when Zhongli was going to come back and visit once he left. Or worse yet, he could already hear her talks of ‘Oh Ajax, you’re getting older and I think it’s about time you settled down with someone. I want to see the wedding before I’m old and grey! Please let it be a new and respectful person, though. A person like Zhongli, if I can have a say. Actually, why don’t you just marry Zhongli himself?.’

Thankfully, his mother was already speaking, cutting that worry off from Childe’s mind, allowing the man to dwell on that impending conversation much later on.

Or perhaps, not thankfully, when he heard the next words that left her mouth.

“You know, Zhongli, it’s getting late,” his mother began. Both Childe and Zhongli looked out the window. The sun was, in fact, still up. This fact did not deter her, however, as she continued.

“And I’m sure that none ,” she sent a pointed look at Childe at that word, “of us would want you to have to travel all the way back to where you’re staying at this time. So, why don’t you just stay here for the night?”

“Mom, what?” However his words were ignored by the two, Zhongli opting to respond to the woman instead.

“I thank you for the offer, but I would not want to intrude. I can assure you the journey back to the hotel is not a long one.” Childe did not have enough time to tell Zhongli his words were futile at this point, his mother’s mind already made up, before she was waving a hand in a dismissing matter.

“You don’t need to be so modest! We have a guest room here that you can sleep in. Besides,” Childe’s mother looked towards Childe with a stare that could only spell out trouble. “I’m sure Ajax would be beyond ecstatic if you stayed here for longer!”

Childe didn’t even try to derail the situation anymore, just letting the scene play out in front of him to his dismay. Zhongli turned his stare to look at Childe’s mother, to Childe himself, then back to his mother.

“I suppose if I truly am no bother, I will accept your offer to spend the night here.” Childe’s mother seemed to physically brighten up at those words, a bright smile spreaded on her face as if she had not just made Childe consider moving out right that night.

“Great, great! Go ahead and ask Tonia or Anthon to show you where the guest room is at. They’re just in that room over there, probably! Oh and for pajamas just steal a pair from Ajax’s room, you two are about the same size!” Soon Zhongli was being gently pushed out of the room by his mom, a grand smile still on her face. It was when the man was long gone, just Childe and his mother standing in the kitchen, when Chile began to speak.

“Mom, really?” Finally his mother turned to look at him, the smile on her face dropping to a much more sincere expression.

“Ajax, you two need to talk.” Childe let out a hefty sigh at that, going to sit down at the table and discuss this. It was not unlike the first night Childe had returned home, him and his mother sitting down at the table, the harbinger laid more bare and vulnerable than he would ever hope to be.

Though he supposed that was all thrown at the window when he had sobbed in his mother’s arms about the same man they were talking about now.

“I know that, Mom, I do. Trust me, I do. We were going to talk about everything earlier but then, y’know,” Childe threw a hand towards the kitchen table after the last sentence, alluding to the sight he and Zhongli had walked in on that afternoon, before frowning and letting out another huff. “But inviting him to our house?”

“Why not?” His mother asked as she took a seat at the chair to his left. “It give you more time for you two to figure things out. Besides, don’t you want to see him?”

“Of course I want to see him, there’s no question about it. It’s just that I’m not exactly sure he is too happy to see me.”

Childe thought back to earlier that day in the library. He thought back to a clouded glance and a frozen body in his arms. Zhongli had drank the wine, Childe was sure of that. Even if Zhongli never brought up a single word about it to him, it would be forever ingrained into his mind that Zhongli had consciously made the decision that forgetting was better than remembering Childe’s departure. Perhaps he did not have the infinite memory as an adeptus like Zhongli, but even if he was only able to hold onto a miniscule amount of memories, that look of pure confusion in Zhongli’s eyes as he had looked at Childe would never leave. The look that Childe had caused would never leave.

Childe was no genius, but he believed he had at least enough intelligence to make the safe assumption that when you drink to forget someone, you’re hoping you don’t exactly see them again.

Yet of course, like always, Childe had to open his mouth and say the man’s name in that library, effectively starting another forest fire that would burn the two down ashes once again.

“Huh?” Childe had a feeling he said something wrong when he caught sight of his mother’s bewildered expression. “Are you serious?”

Childe simply tilted his head, his eyebrows scrunching up at his mother’s words. He was definitely being serious, but he wasn’t sure if that was exactly the right answer his mother was looking for. Thankfully, he had no time to answer the question before his mother continued to speak.

“Ajax, have you seen the way that man looks at you? Anyone can take one look and tell that he adores you. He looked at you like a saint when I told him that you told me to not include seafood in his soup. Dear, the room practically lit up over him seeing that you remembered how he liked his soup. I would be very shocked if he was not ecstatic to see you today. Whatever bad blood you have between you two I’m sure does not matter to him as much as just being able to see you again.”

His mother was right, he knew it. He knew it even before she spoke. He knew it by the way that Zhongli had always stayed and found a way by his side even as Childe pushed him away. He knew it by the way that Zhongli decided to still stay at Childe’s home, his family and all in his presence. He knew it by the way that Zhongli would rather forget the pain Childe caused instead of holding a grudge towards the harbinger, only to remember him and welcome him with open arms.

Archons, what did he do to deserve Zhongli?

Nothing.

He did nothing to deserve him. Childe knew that, also.

But he supposed it was no use wallowing in his own self loath anymore. The past was beyond him, memories that would forever be stained on once blank pages. Yes, he thought of himself once as a man who did nothing to deserve Zhongli. But what about now? What about the ever ongoing blots of memories he continued to make? What about the present and the future which would eventually come to become more memories that laid inside his head? Would he be a person deserving of Zhongli then?

Time could only tell, Childe decided. Time could only tell if he would become someone deserving of Zhongli.

It was time for Childe to move forwards, not backwards anymore.

“You’re right,” Childe quietly admitted, sliding down into his chair in defeat as he turned his head to look at his mother. “I should go talk to him now, shouldn’t I?”

He didn’t need to hear his mother’s answer to know what the right decision was.

The moon was high in the sky, white light shining down on Childe’s open eyes, as the man said in bed with thoughts stuck on the fact that he had indeed not talked about everything with Zhongli yet. It wasn’t as if he had many opportunities in his defense, though!

The second Zhongli had left the sight of Childe and his mother, the harbinger’s siblings had opted to take up the rest of the man’s time. Snowmen that had begun to melt back down to the ground were shown to him by Teucer, explanations on how the people in Liyue were most definitely not all made of rocks were told by Zhongli to Anthon, and stories told of long lost history of the harbor were told to Tonia by the man. Even Childe’s father hadn't left him alone, sending menacing looks towards the man he had just met today. By the time Zhongli finally had a moment to himself, Childe had long since retired to bed, seeing the obvious signs that he was not going to be able to have that conversation with Zhongli soon.

However, as he lay wide awake in the middle of the night, the occurrence more common than not by now, he supposed Zhongli could not be bothered by his siblings right then. Really, if he wanted to have a serious talk with Zhongli about everything that had happened back in Liyue, right then would have been his best shot before Zhongli left the house the next day.

Childe pushed himself out of bed, walking towards his door only to stop himself right next to his desk. It only took a moment’s thought before he grabbed a piece of paper off of the surface and put it into his pocket. If they were going to talk, it would be best if they talked about everything .

It was when Childe had walked out of his room and across the hallway, to where the door to the guest bedroom laid, that he hesitated. Zhongli was awake, he was almost completely sure of it. Even as no noise came from the other side of the closed wooden door, Childe knew that a man laid awake inside. Of course there was the first obvious detail that Zhongli had never gone to borrow a pair of pajamas. And as far as Childe knew, Zhongli was not the type of man keen on sleeping in his day clothes, much worse his underwear. But there was also the second detail. The detail that was only mentioned once on a warm Liyue night when debts were to be collected.

Zhongli hated sleeping. It was a waste of his time, he had said it himself. A task that was not necessary for an adeptus such as himself, but a task that was crucial to his new and growing mortal identity. But a task Childe had a feeling was not being performed in an unfamiliar place were ties were still left loose.

So when Childe knocked on the door and a fully awake Zhongli opened the door, the tell tale signs of fatigue not present on his face, Childe was not surprised.

Childe acknowledged that Zhongli was not fully human; That he still held the attributes of an adepti and god. Necessities for mortals, such as sleep and food, were just mundane tasks that Zhongli engaged in for appearances.

Yet even then, Zhongli had still taken the time to eat dinner with Childe’s family, be it not exactly planned. No, even when confronted with the cause and reminder of his once forgotten heartbreak not too long ago, Zhongli had still followed Childe home, no malice in his heart as he still looked at the harbinger if he was the world.

And that same gaze laid upon Zhongli’s face as he stared at the man standing in front of the open door. When he stood under that gaze it was hard to disagree with what his mother had said about Zhongli adoring him. If Childe was a bit more tired, he most likely would’ve believed he was the moon rather than just a man with the way Zhongli was looking at him as if he layed among the stars.

How did Childe ever believe this man didn’t care about him before?

“Childe?” Amber eyes took in the sight in front of him, Childe standing wide awake in his pajamas in the middle of the night. The harbinger slightly shifted in place, highly aware of the fact that Zhongli still stood with his hair tied up and mostly in his daytime clothes, the only missing pieces being the vest and his tie. Yet Childe didn’t let the sigh deter him as he continued to speak, adamant on pursuing the goal he had been aiming to achieve earlier that day.

“You want to go for a walk?” Childe made a motion with his hand towards the hallway that lay behind him, another meaning hidden in the words he spoke. Thankfully, with the way Zhongli’s eyes slightly narrowed, it was apparent he understood those words all the same.

“Yes, I would like to.”

Two figures walked to the front door of the house, coats and snow boots put on before they left the warmth of the building towards the frigid night air, summer on its last leg.

Childe set the pace, Zhongli to his right side, simply following the harbinger through the nearby forest.

From above them a full moon and a sea of stars painted across an otherwise dark void shone down on them; The spectacles of line shining down through the cracks of the spaces between dark green leaves of the trees that stood high above them. Though the light shone bright, illuminating the grounds in front of them, the air of the night stood in silence. Birds had long fallen asleep and far away neighbors had settled in for the night. Even the usual breeze stayed mute, as if the winds of time had frozen; As if the entire world had sat still, the universe’s focus only on the pair and the fate that followed them as they tracked over snow, fallen leaves, and scattered sticks.

Eventually the two stumbled upon a clearing, a tree laying nearby a signal as to why such a patch of snow and grass was unoccupied. From here, the sky was fully visible, no longer covered by the foliage. It was almost as if it were touchable, as if Childe could reach out a hand and grab a star from the sky. As if Childe could achieve the impossible.

It was a beautiful place, he decided. A beautiful place for a loving reunion, or a final parting.

No matter the ending to their night, at least Childe had that. Even if at the end he was left alone, Zhongli long gone, he would have the stars. He would have the one thing that would never departure from his life. He would have the sky he had looked to for so many sleepless nights, the ocean of spotty darkness that he could never get rid of, and never get rid of him.

But Childe acknowledged that even the stars too disappear eventually. That as the sun begins to rise and light comes back to the world, that even the stars would vanish, disappearing as if they were never there.

Disappearing as if they were a figure in the night, leaving him alone on the steps of a house in a harbor he had long abandoned, even if he was the one to push that person away.

But for now the stars and moon shone down on the pair, illuminating the pair and the truths that were to be revealed. Illuminating cracks in the mask that had begun to shatter the moment they encountered in the library.

“You drank the wine.”

It wasn’t an accusation. Instead, it was an observation.

Zhongli nodded, his face staying carefully neutral as if the words that had left Childe’s mouth were no surprise.

“Yes, I did.”

Childe let out a long breath at that, sitting down on the fallen tree behind him. He went to brush a hand past his face, his palm rubbing upwards against the forefront of it, as he sat slightly hunched over. Eventually his hand and arm came to rest with his other one, the two arms crossed over in his lap.

“Are you upset with me?” Zhongli asked, also sitting himself down on the tree to, Childe’s right. The harbinger gently shook his head at that.

“No, I’m not. I don’t think I ever was, honestly.” Childe took a pause, wanting to find the right words to say this time. He wasn’t going to mess this up this time. He couldn’t, not when he had another chance to set things right. He couldn’t just let it slip out of his grasp now.

“Yes, I’m upset. But not with you. I think I’m upset with the world… No, not even that. I’m just upset with myself. I mean you also drank the wine. And I could safely assume why. So I guess I’m upset right now because of that.” Childe finally tried to explain, hoping the words would get through to Zhongli. “And I’m sorry for that Zhongli, I genuinely am.”

“It’s alright, Childe. It was my decision to drink it, you did not force me to. Though, I must admit, I know how you’re feeling all too well.” A tiny yet almost melancholy smile appeared on Zhongli’s face, his eyes focused on the sky above them. Childe wondered if Zhongli too felt comforted by the stars. Wondered if even gods felt the need to grasp on to the unreachable to get them by.

Though Childe supposed that was a more mortal concept. One that was above all powerful beings.

But, Zhongli. Was it above Zhongli himself?

The man had no time to ponder over his virtually senseless thoughts before Zhongli turned to look back over at him, the smile gone from his face.

“Perhaps we should start from the beginning and work our way to the present through the conversation? I would believe that would be the best way for us to gain clarity on the other’s thought process these past few months,” he suggested, earning an agreeing nod from Childe.

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea, “ Childe answered. The harbinger sat in silence for a short minute, waiting to see if Zhongli would speak. But instead, the man continued to stare at Childe as if he were waiting for him to speak.

It eventually dawned on him that  Zhongli was probably not waiting on Childe to speak just for the sake of waiting for Childe to speak. But instead, if they were going to start from the beginning, why not have the person who had started all of this speak first?

Thankfully, Childe’s first words came to the tip of his tongue easily.

“Did you ever feel guilty for not telling me you were Rex Lapis?”

Perhaps a version of Childe that existed months ago would have started with a different question. Perhaps he would have asked why Zhongli left him in the dark rather than how that made him feel. But that was a past version, a version of Childe who had not had enough time and emptiness to think upon the choices of the past and where that led them.

Of course Childe knew why now, he had always known why. Though he still could not tell where his feelings laid next to the duty Zhongli once held.

“I do not regret what I did,” Zhongli began softly but confidently, his eyes not leaving Childe’s. “Everything that had occurred, Osial, Signora, Liyue almost flooding, the entirety of it, all of it was necessary for me to ensure the future of Liyue without my guidance would be a prosperous one. If I possessed the ability to be able to travel back to that time, I would repeat the same actions. Even if that meant hiding my identity from you once again. I could not risk any part of what I had already planned out.”

It wasn’t surprising to Childe. It wasn’t surprising that Zhongli did not regret what he did. Duty came before personal affairs, it was a sentiment Childe knew well enough from his time as a harbinger. And it was also a sentiment that came with being an archon he could confidently guess. Besides, what kind of god would he be if his first instinct, if his duty was not to protect the citizens he had vowed to protect since the beginning?

However, that had not been the end of Zhongli’s explanation. More words left the man’s mouth after a pregnant pause, his tone much more somber now.

“Guilt, however, is a much different story. To answer your question directly, yes, I do feel guilty. I may not regret my actions, but that does not mean several results do not plague my mind to this day. Especially that look you had given me in the Northland Bank when it became apparent to you what my real identity was. Sometimes I find myself wondering, or perhaps wishing, what would have happened if I had told you who I really was. If I had disregarded the contract I made with the Tsaritsa just so I could keep your trust,” Zhongli took another pause, his expression showing as much surprise at his words as Childe’s, before turning to look forwards and away from the harbinger again.

Childe could only watch as Zhongli composed himself, splaying a much more neutral expression on his face, as his words set into the harbinger’s head. Abandon the contract? If it weren’t for Zhongli’s reaction, Childe would have thought he heard the man wrong. Because in what universe would Zhongli doubt such a major decision and abandon what standards he held high if it meant he made Childe just a bit happier?

Apparently in this one it seemed like.

“Perhaps my previous words about regret were false. I know that it was objectively the right decision to not inform you of my identity. If I did, who could know how the events that passed that day could have otherwise turned out? But with who I am now, with what I have seen and done now, I find that maybe it would be difficult if out in that same situation to lie to you again. I know it is illogical, I truly do. Yet I still find myself wishing I had just told you sometimes,” Zhongli’s voice trailed off as a small laugh left his mouth, his right hand coming to up to grasp at where the fabric of his clothing laid over his heart would be, as if he could grasp something out of the empty space that laid there.

“I know it is best to pick the logical choice, I always have before. But when I think about you, I not only feel guilty but I also have second doubts about what I had hidden from you. Is this what regret feels like? If so, then perhaps I do hold some regrets, no matter how illogical. Though it seems that I have been making an abundant amount of illogical choices when it comes to you lately, if only it gives me a chance to make you smile like you once did before everything had gone astray between us.”

A slight smile spread out upon Zhongli’s lips as he continued to watch the sky, the stars reflected in his as if they were twinkling in the sea of warm amber.

“What are you doing to me, Ajax?”

Childe could only suck in a tiny breath at the sight, Zhongli surrounded by a glowing sea of both darkness and light, as the air in his lungs felt as if it were fleeting.

Forget what he was doing to Zhongli, what was Zhongli doing to Childe?

“I could ask you the same, Zhongli. You’re definitely not the only one who has made or wanted to make irrational decisions between the two of us,” Childe finally responded, a dry laugh leaving his mouth as he also looked towards the sky. “I would definitely know that.”

From his left, Zhongli out a thoughtful hum.

“It would seem so.” The man took another pause, the silence eventually being broken a stick snapping in the far distance. If Childe had to guess, he would say from a deer or a branch simply falling from the pressure of fallen snow.

“Why did you drink the wine?” Zhongli finally asked.

Ah, there it was. He had expected Zhongli to ask no different question.

“Well, the first time was on more of a whim than anything. I hadn’t even planned to drink the wine; I don’t know what I was planning to do exactly. I just knew I felt cheated and betrayed. I felt like you made me out to be a fool. Of course I knew in the back of my head why you did everything but I think I was just upset. I was upset that you kept such a big secret from me but easily revealed it to my co-worker, who I do not like in the slightest. For the longest, I thought you had just thought of me as a pawn and our supposed friendship was just a ploy for your grand scheme. Then one day I heard of this shop where you could buy almost anything to solve your problems. Obviously, I didn’t believe it at first, but I had nothing to lose. And to my surprise it worked! I went in and this shopkeeper told me she had the solution to my problems. She handed me a bottle of wine and said it would make me forget about the one I loved. You can see where it goes next.” Childe took a pause from his explanation, crossing his arms more as if he were more so holding himself.

“I didn’t drink it the first time until the night after you showed up in my office and tried to apologize.”

Childe didn’t miss the way he caught Zhongli’s flinch in the corner of his eye.

“I think my mind was already made up then. I just had so much pent up anger and grief that when I saw you again it all kind of just broke out. Even if you hadn’t showed up that day, I think I would have drunk it anyways, eventually. It wasn’t your fault I drank it. It was my own fault for thinking that was the best way to cope instead of just talking to you.”

A hand from Zhongli reached out to Childe’s shoulder but stopped midway through, the arm falling back down to Zhongli’s side. Childe thought to tell him that he really wouldn’t mind the hand on his shoulder, that he welcomed it more than anything, but decided against it.

There were more important topics at hand before Childe let himself indulge in Zhongli. There was more to discuss before he allowed himself to move on from long unresolved issues.

“But I guess it evolved from there. Of course by the time you challenged me to our fight, I had already remembered you by then but I was still just so angry. Even after you had defeated me, I still asked Ekaterina to get me set up for the next boat back to Snezhnaya. I even drank another bit of that wine the night after you won our fight. I was so set on leaving after your apology up until you actually apologized. I wasn’t supposed to forgive as easily as I actually did.”

Childe sucked in a shaky breath.

“After that, I just felt defeated. Because why else was I leaving if it wasn’t because of how upset I was with you? But then I remembered, even if you wanted me here in Liyue, mostly no one else did. I know it sounds stupid now but back then, it felt like a good enough reason for me. Or maybe I was just looking for a way to sabotage myself. I was already hurting myself, why not stop? Of course that eventually changed.” 

Childe brought his knees up to his chest, his feet resting on the fallen tree as he hugged his knees, feeling smaller than he had ever felt when he had sat alone in front of a wine bottle in the middle of a Liyuen night.

“As we spent more and more time together, I realized that I did want to stay in Liyue. I wanted to stay with you. I honestly was ready to tell you I was going to stay. But then the stuff with the jewelry shop and Mr. Chen happened and you know, it kind of went to shit from there…” Childe trailed off as a dry laugh that held no joy left his mouth. “I guess the easy answer would be in the end, I was just self sabotaging myself.”

Childe finally took that moment to look back over at Zhongli, not surprised to find the man staring right back at him, a frown evident on his lips.

“We should talk about that night next, shouldn’t we?” Childe suggested.

“We should.”

“You want to go first?” The harbinger offered. Zhongli nodded in response before taking a moment to compose himself.

“I was hurt. From the moment I had come to the conclusion you drank that wine, the best way to describe my emotions was ‘hurt’. I had told myself I would not say anything to you in belief that you would come to me about it. I know now I was simply lying to myself. I was just afraid of how you would respond if I told you that I knew.” Zhongli’s eyes look downwards towards the ground for a moment, as if he were recalling a memory.

“That was before I knew you were drinking the wine because of me. When we spent your last day in Liyue together, it soon became apparent that you harbored romantic feelings towards me. If we had been in any other situation, I would have been beyond ecstatic to know that you returned my feelings. But in this case, I knew what you were feeling for me entailed. It could only mean I was the one causing you this misery. The inner turmoil that resided inside of you was because I couldn't just tell you the truth of who I am.” By then, the easy steadiness of Zhongli’s voice had turned shaky as if the man was ready to cry at any moment. Childe was very much not prepared to see someone as collected and calm as Zhongli reduced down to tears.

“But overall, I felt guilty. I felt intensely guilty for all of this to happen to you. Perhaps if we had never met, or if I had just been a bit more brave, you wouldn’t be in so much pain. But even then, I continued to be selfish. I continued to beg you to stay in Liyue and to stay in pain because I could not bring myself to leave. Even when you yelled and screamed at me to leave you alone I still pleaded with you to stay until the end. I am sincerely sorry, more than you will ever know, for pushing such guilt on to you and not simply speaking sooner.” By now Zhongli’s eyes had begun to tear up at the edges, tears threatening to fall out as if he had been holding them in for months. Though Childe had a feeling that was not a far cry from reality.

Childe was moving before he could think. His right arm, the one closest to Zhongli, pulled away from his legs and moved towards Zhongli’s face. His finger was there to catch the singular and only tear Zhongli shed before either of the pair could tell what was happening. It was only a moment after the two had frozen in place, Zhongli’s eyes significantly wider at the fact that Childe had just wiped a tear from his face, that the harbinger was hastily moving his hand away, an apology already on his tongue.

“Ah, sorry, I wasn’t thinking.” But the words died on his tongue when Zhongli’s hand caught his hand, slowly intertwining the two, giving the harbinger a chance to pull his back. His hand stayed in place, however.

Zhongli’s stare remained on the interlocked hands for a few seconds before he was looking at Childe once again, an unrecognizable emotion in his eyes.

“What about you, Ajax? What was running through your mind that night?” Zhongli prodded, beginning to draw soft circles on the fabric of the glove that covered Childe’s hand with his thumb.

“Anger, honestly,” Childe began. “I was angry that leaving wouldn’t be as simple as I had hoped. I was angry that I would have to deal with you actually knowing how I felt towards you while I was still leaving. I think it was because I was scared, also. I was scared because I knew whatever was going to happen next would not have a happy ending. I couldn’t stay and you couldn't leave. So I took that anger and fear out on you until I had none left.”

Childe began to focus his gaze on their hands instead, unable to look into the other man’s eyes in fear the he would soon be the one tearing up next.

“By the end of the night, when you had been standing outside of my house, I just felt defeated. I knew you only wanted to help, I always knew that. Yet I only just snapped on you, even after you gave me chance after chance to make it up. I’m sorry how I acted that night, Zhongli. If I could take back all that I had said and done, I would.” Childe took a pause, thinking about what he was going to say next. He was not finished, he knew that; There was still another thing that he had to let Zhongli know.

“You asked me if I regretted meeting you.” Childe finally gained the courage to look back into Zhongli’s eyes, not missing the way they slightly widened at Childe’s words. “I don’t, I never did. No matter what happened between us during those last few weeks in Liyue, I never regretted meeting you, I can promise you that.”

Zhongli seemed to still sit tensely, even in his hunched over position, his back seemed to bend almost rigidly.

“Childe, are you certain? You do not have to conceive lies to make me content.”

Ah. That was an issue, though not an unexpected one. Afte rall, how could Childe expect Zhongli to put his full trust in him again after such a cruel display that night back in Liyue.

Though that didn’t stop Childe from trying to make things right.

The harbinger removed his hand from Zhongli’s grip, thought it did not move that far away before it froze in the air, closing into a fist with only the pinky sticking out.

“Childe?” Zhongli looked at the display questioningly, his previous distrust forgotten for a moment as he concerned himself more with whatever gesture Childe was making with his hand.

“A pinky promise,” Childe clarified. “I make these with my siblings whenever I am being completely truthful with them or make a plan with them neither of us is allowed to go back on. It’s almost like a contract in a way, except both parties don’t have to always equally fulfil it. In this case I’m promising that I’ve never regretted meeting you.”

Zhongli gave the gesture a curious stare as he began to change his hand to match Childe’s, closing his fingers so only his pinkie stuck out.

“It is comparable to a contract you say? What happens to those who do not fulfil their end of the contract?”

A mischievous smile turned up on Childe’s face at that.

“Well according to the saying, your pinky freezes off if you don’t make good on your promise. I can’t exactly give a first person account on that, though since I’ve never broken one and I’m pretty sure my siblings wouldn’t want to risk their pinky and break a promise either.” The smile on Childe’s face softened to something more genuine before he continued. “So what do you say, Zhongli? Will you make a pinky promise with me?”

“Yes, I would be favorable to that.”

“Great!”

With a laugh, Childe went to grab Zhongli’s other arm with an uttered, ‘wrong hand’, before interlocking his pinky with Zhongli’s pinky on that hand. Albeit the slightest of flustered at the sudden action, Zhongli closed the rest of his fingers on that hand also as he dropped his previous hand, matching the way Childe’s hand was folded.

“I pinky promise that I have never regretted meeting you. If anything, I’m more than glad I’ve met you.” Childe took a pause, before continuing. “And I pinky promise that I'm beyond glad you’re here now, for however long or short your stay is here in Snezhnaya.”

“Ah, should I make a promise on my end to make each side fair?”

Childe shook his head at Zhongli’s question, a fond glint shining in his blue eyes.

“Nope. Pinky promises don’t have to be fair and this one is a prime example. I’m not expecting you to promise anything back nor would I exactly want you to. I just wanted to promise this to you in the best way I knew how.”

“Oh, I see. Well if you are quite sure, then I suppose I will not make up on my end, just this once.”

Childe let out a small chuckle at that.

“That’s all I ask.”

It was only a few seconds before Childe was reciting the same words he had spoken when his siblings and him were in the same exact situation, non-surprisingly getting a very concerned expression from Zhongli.

“You make a pinkie promise, you keep it all your life. You break a pinkie promise, I throw you on the ice. The cold will kill the pinkie that once betrayed your friend, the frost will freeze your tongue off so you never lie again.”

“You said your younger siblings participate in this?” Zhongli asked as their pinkies finally parted.

“Yes, why?”

“Ah, do you not believe that saying to be a bit... violent for children of their age?”

Childe’s smile brightened, another laugh threatening to leave his lips.

“Welcome to Snezhnaya, Zhongli!”

The two fell into an easy sort of conversation after that, words not so much about wine and forgotten memories but rather about a cold nation and their questionable nursery rhymes. However, Childe still had a few topics in mind he wanted to discuss and he had a feeling that Zhongli had similar thoughts in his head.

“There were a few other things I wanted to talk about,” Childe finally interrupted.

“Hmm?” Zhongli let out a questioning hum as he looked towards the harbinger, his posture looking much more relaxed after the pair’s pinky promise.

“I wanted to talk about after that night in Liyue. About where we went afterwards, because for as much as I’ve heard about what happened to you after that night, I’ve only found myself completely confused, to be honest.” Childe tried his best to make his voice sound easy, a high contrast to the night before he left, before continuing.

“For me I took the boat back to Snezhnaya. It only took a bit over a week before I remembered everything again when I was unpacking stuff from Liyue at home. I can’t say anything else eventful has happened to me. But you however,” Childe made an exaggerated nod towards Zhongli. “It seems as if you had been busy afterwards. I had sent a letter to you and got a letter back from your boss saying you left Liyue.”

“Ah, yes. Well, as you had stated earlier, I drank the wine. It was an utterly foolish decision, I knew that going into it. I believe my judgement was clouded because I had not known what else to do in the event that you really did leave Liyue and chose to forget me. However, it soon became apparent that my decision did not just affect my memory of you, but also my memory of Liyue.” A reminiscent sort of glint appeared in Zhongli’s eyes as he began to recall the events that had happened once Childe had left Liyue.

“I never believed I could bring myself to leave Liyue in the near future after abandoning my role as its archon. The memories that lay between every crack of the ground and spec of dust in the air had their hold on me too strongly for me to break out of anytime soon. However, those memories had become distorted and broken apart after I had drunk the wine. Memories I had once never wanted to leave behind drove me away from the city I once called home. I found myself not being able to recognize buildings and sights we had once visited together. I could not remember aspects of my home. It was that that led me to finally leave. It seems it took only for me to forget Liyue for me to finally build the courage to leave. I traveled to Mondstadt first to visit an old friend and see if he could assist me. However, he was not much help if I am being truthful.”

Zhongli’s face scrunched up into one that was a mixture of aggravation and distaste.

“He required us to sleep in a tree my first night there. I had no mora to afford a room at an inn and he did not own a home… he was homeless. Eventually he introduced me to the owner of a bar and inn, who let me stay there for my time in Mondstadt. I believe he took pity on me when I departed, however, because he provided me a pouch of mora to use during my travels. Once I left Mondstadt, I decided the most optimal next destination would be the one of the two closest nations, one which was Sneznehya. I had spent a small time traveling through different towns before I ended up here in Morepesok for a few days. I had just happened to be looking for a book to borrow from the library before you showed up that day. As for my next destination, I am not too sure. Most likely Fontaine, if I had to produce an answer right this moment. However I believe my travels so far have provided me with the strength to leave behind Liyue and see what else the world has to offer.”

Childe simply stared and blinked as he processed Zhongli’s explanation. What even were the chances that Zhongli would up and leave Liyue only to find himself in Childe’s hometown? It was almost as if a god of fate was smiling down on the pair!

Of course, however, Childe had chosen to say the most abrupt response instead of a well thought out one when your friend had just finished describing his journey away from a city he had called home from years.

“And you didn’t spend all your mora on one fancy hotel?”

Thankfully, Zhongli did not seem too surprised by the question, instead dipping his head sheepishly.

“Not exactly. Though I must admit, the supply of mora is running quite low. I would not be surprised if I ran out in a few days.”

Childe could already hear his mother’s “I told you so” before the next words left his mouth.

“Stay at my house for the rest of your time in Morepesok.”

Zhongli’s eyes seemed to widen at that, obviously not expecting the request.

“Are you sure? I would not want to be a bother.”

Childe shook his head.

“You wouldn’t be a bother. My mom already loves you and my siblings like everything I’ve told them about you. My father… well his opinion doesn’t matter. I’m sure almost everyone would rather you stay with us than spend the last of your mora on some hotel.”

Zhongli’s expression seemed to still hold a bit of hesitancy for a moment longer before it slowly slid into a smile.

“Well if you are sure, who am I to deny a stay at your home?”

“Great, great! We’ll get your stuff from the hotel tomorrow?” Childe offered, getting a response of agreement from Zhongli. The pair had fallen into a bit of silence after that, the only sounds being the ambience of the surrounding forest. However, Childe’s mind was not silent, his focus pinned on the piece of paper that felt as if it were burning a hole into his pocket.

“I read your letter,” Childe finally admitted.

“You did?” Zhongli’s expression turned much more serious, the smile from his face dropping. “I wasn’t sure if you discarded it or not the night I gave it to you.”

“No, I still have it, actually.” Childe gave a sheepish smile before digging into his pocket, fingers grasping at the piece of paper in it before pulling it out. “But um, here. I tried sending this to you a few months ago but since you weren’t in Liyue and all, Hu Tao ended up sending it back to me.”

“A letter?” Zhongli asked, as he gently took the paper from Childe’s grasp.

“Yeah, it was something I wrote a little bit after I remembered everything. I felt really bad that even after I read your letter I still left without even so much as giving you a response, so I wrote this.” Childe took a nervous pause, feeling very much exposed under Zhongli’s stare. “You don’t have to read it if you don’t want to, of course.”

Childe wanted to slap himself for saying that. Of course he wanted Zhongli to read it! He had been waiting for months just to have Zhongli read it, regardless of if he got a response or not.

“I would love to read it. However, do you want me to read it?” Zhongli asked, his fingers seeming as if they were buzzing to unfold the piece of paper.

“Yeah, I do. Really badly, actually,” Childe finally admitted. Those words were all it took before Zhongli was carefully unfolding the sheet, making sure to treat the letter with the utmost of care in his haste to open it.

Childe swallowed down a gulp as he watched as Zhongli began to read over the words, neither of the two daring to speak. The harbinger could only sit and wait in anticipation as Zhongli’s eyes moved along with the sentences that littered the paper. Even if Zhongli did not read aloud, Childe could get a good gage of where the man was in the letter based on his reactions: From a look of curiosity to one of understanding to soft smiles to baffled expressions and finally to one of warmth and an unspoken question.

“You really mean all of this?” Zhongli finally asked as his eyes rose up from the letter to look at Childe, his eyes looking as if they were sparkling in a careful sort of joy, as if he could not fully believe Childe’s words were real yet.

Childe was happy to prove himself, though.

“I meant all of it. Every word.”

Childe barely had any time to finish his sentence before arms were wrapping around him and pulling him against a warm body. He was not slow to reciprocate the action, his hands resting on Zhongli’s back.

“I didn’t know you felt like this , Ajax. If I had know I…” Zhongli’s voice trailed off as his hold tightened on Childe, his voice quiet against Childe’s ear.

“I didn’t expect you to know. I was never exactly vocal about my feelings towards you. We both know why I drank the wine but even then, I never actually vocalized my feelings in a positive way. But I wanted you to know how I felt at least once,” Childe explained before Zhongli slowly separated from the hug.

“I’m glad you did.” He looked down at the letter that laid in his hands, looking down on it as if it were worth a million mora. “Can I keep this?”

A small laugh left Childe’s mouth as he sheepishly rubbed the back of his head.

“Yeah, of course. It was always meant to be yours. I guess you just got it a bit late.” A more serious expression took over his face as he went to grab both of Zhongli’s shoulders, a promise on the tip of his tongue. “But just know, Zhongli. For however long you’re here, I’m going to make it up to you, all of this. I’ve made a multitude of mistakes, from lashing out on you to treating you so badly that you even thought the wine was your best solution. But for as long as you let me Zhongli, I’m going to spend every day here making it up to you. I swear on that.”

“Childe…” The name trailed off of Zhongli’s lips as he looked at the man almost awestruck. “You don’t have to swear that, I’ve already forgiven you. Besides, it is not as if you are the only guilty person here. We have both made mistakes, neither one of us is more deserving than the other. We both just have to continue to move forward and act now as we wish we had chosen to act in the past instead.”

Childe’s hands slowly slid off of Zhongli back to his own sides.

“I know that, I do. But still, I can’t help but want to make up for everything I put us through.”

A sigh left Zhongli’s lips at those words.

“I suppose it would be hypocritical of me if I criticize you for such thinking when I am guilty of the same thought process currently.” The man took a careful pause from his words, as if he were thinking over the next thing he would say. “Say, Childe, you are aware that I love you, correct?”

Even with the previous knowledge of Zhongli’s feelings it was still much more shocking to hear them said aloud, from the man's own voice. Childe urged his heart to calm down as he nodded.

“Yeah, what about it?”

Zhongli took a deep breath in, a frown splaying on his lips.

“But you are also aware that I am in Snezhnaya only temporarily?”

Ah, Childe saw where this was going.

“You don’t have to even try to explain yourself, Zhongli. I think I know what you’re trying to get at. We should stay friends, right? Since we’re going to be separated once again. It’s alright, I understand.”

Zhongli froze at those words before he nodded in response.

“Yes, I was going to say something akin to that.” Though the look on Zhongli’s face seemed as if he was going to say something a little bit different. However, before Childe could question what Zhongli was going to actually say, the man stood up.

“I suppose we should return back to your house then, it is getting quite late.”

“Yeah…” Childe answered in a slight daze, off put by the sudden end of the conversation. However he simply brushed past it, not wanting to start another disagreement when a lengthy one was just solved. Besides, Childe had to admit he was growing quite tired, his eyelids starting to feel heavy.

It was not long before the two began their trek back to the house, the mood much more light than the one that had surrounded them on the journey into the woods, pleasant conversation dancing between the pair. Soon enough, the two had gone back inside and made their way back to their respective rooms, standing in the space of the hallway between the two doors.

“Goodnight, Childe,” Zhongli had spoken just before entering the room he was staying in for the night.

Childe was talking before he could even think.

“You don’t have to keep on calling me Childe if you don’t want to. Ajax is fine. I mean you already call me that half of the time, anyways. No harm in using it for the other. Besides, ‘Childe’ is just an alias at the end of the day and it's not exactly like I need an alias here.” Childe made a hand motion towards the hallway at his last sentence of stammering.

The harbinger very much did not include the full truth to Zhongli. The truth that he did not, in fact, go around and tell everyone to just throw around his real name. The truth that Childe really just wanted to hear his birth name come from Zhongli’s mouth once more, wanted to relish in the warm way he said it, as if the name was a treasure itself.

Of course, Childe wouldn’t say this aloud, especially with their new development of very much being friends for the time being. Childe was sure that practically melting at the sound of your friend’s voice wasn’t exactly platonic.

But in his defense, the way Zhongli had begun to silently stare at him, his eyes crinkling in that usual way they did when Childe did something that the man found endearing, was not particularly platonic either.

Archons, they were hopeless, weren't they?

“Goodnight, Ajax.”

Yes, yes they were, Ajax answered for himself, the soft smile on Zhongli’s face visible all the way until he had turned around and shut the door to the guest room.

Utterly hopeless.

Zhongli was going to have to leave eventually,

Ajax was fully aware of this. That, however, did not stop him from pushing that bit of knowledge to the back of his head.

He did not think of it when he and Zhongli traveled to the hotel Zhongli was staying at the next day to gather his things. When he happily described the numerous towns he had visited on his way to Morepesok, obviously excited to see what was beyond the tiny seaside town.

He did not think of it as Zhongli effortlessly fit into the puzzle that was Ajax’s family; His mother and siblings happily open to the idea of Zhongli staying with them.

He did not think about it as Zhongli joined them for all three meals of the day, happily helping with making said meals a majority of the time. His mother looking at him with unspoken praise and his siblings eagerly complimenting his cooking.

He did not think about it when Zhongli joined him for duels outdoors as the late summer heat started to give away to the early fall breeze. His siblings watching the fights as Ajax effectively got his ass handed to him each time they fought. He could only be thankful that no meteors were sent down or delusions were activated in front of his younger siblings.

He did not think about it when Zhongli told stories to his siblings when they could not sleep. Or when stories of Liyue that were once lost to time left his lips in front of the children, eager eyes looking upon him as he told of dragons, gods, and oceans parting to make way for the lord of geo.

He did not think about it when even if his father did not warm up to Zhongli, his mother easily let him into their daily routine. Pleasant conversation was frequently shared between the two, warm smiles and praises sent Ajax’s way by her for bringing home such a great person.

It was when the middle of October began to approach that Ajax was forced to think about it.

It started off as another normal morning, the sounds of birds chirping and deer running among the fallen snow on the ground a pleasant tune as the family ate their breakfast. Zhongli had been in the middle of telling Anthon a particular story on why the people in Liyue did not in fact eat rocks when Ajax’s father interrupted.

“Isn’t it about time you’ve left?” Although his voice came out in a polite and calm tone, anyone could feel the malice behind it. Everyone’s eyes turned to look at the older man, an almost awkward silence surrounding them.

“Hun!” Ajax’s mother finally exclaimed, throwing a scandalized look at her husband.

“What?” His father retorted, feigning innocence. “I’m just suggesting he leaves soon. It’s the middle of October, Dear. If he intends on leaving he should leave soon before winter comes. There’s no way he’s making it out of here alive in that snow once winter comes.”

Even as his father supplied a reasonable explanation, almost as if he had been thinking it over for some time by now, he seemed to almost cringe at the idea of Zhongli staying during the winter.

“It’s obvious you just want him to leave,” Ajax stated, not even attempting to participate in this song and dance with his father.

“Excuse me?” His father quickly turned to look at Ajax, his eyes narrowing in a glare.

“You heard what I said. It’s quite obvious that Zhongli’s presence here is causing quite the disturbance for you.” Ajax leaned towards where his father sat across the table, his teeth forming into something between a smile and a snarl. “Could it be that your hatred extends past me, even to people who are simply associated with me? Why else would it be that you have such an issue with someone who has done nothing to you?”

However, before Ajax could continue with his tangent or before his father could even dare to respond, a hand softly grabbed his left left shoulder. Ajax turned his head to the left at the contact, his fiery hot gaze meeting Zhongli’s cool and calm one.

“Ajax, it’s fine,” he uttered as he softly shook his head, before turning to the rest of the family and raising his voice higher. “I suppose it is time I took my leave. I’ll depart tomorrow morning in order to make it to the next town over before nightfall. Winter is approaching and I would like to be able to travel by foot to Fontaine next.”

“Fontaine?” Anthon echoed in curiosity, either forgetting or ignoring the tense scene that had taken place and the fact that Zhongli had just said he was leaving tomorrow. However, that specific fact was not lost on Ajax, as an empty feeling began forming at the pit of his stomach, extinguishing the burning flames that had been wildly ablaze not too long ago.

“Yes, Fontaine. It is the closest nation to Sneznehya that I have yet to visit,” Zhongli explained, a smile forming on his face as he dropped his hand down from Ajax’s shoulder once he noticed the other had begun to calm down from his anger.

“That’s the hydro archon’s nation, right?” Tonia chimed in with a question of her own.

“Yes, the archon ruling over the nation is indeed the hydro archon. She is also the archon of justice.”

“So is the nation filled with courtrooms or something?” Tonia continued with her questions.

“Well no, not necessarily. That would be the same as saying Snezneyha has more restaurants or romantic settings due to its archon being the one of love, which is not accurate. Instead, Fontaine’s distinctive features lie among its heavily water based architecture and ballrooms.”

“Ballrooms?” Ajax asked, his interest peaked at such a specific specialty for a nation to have.

“Yes, ballrooms. To be more specific, their distinctive features would lie among their masquerades. I would believe it to come from a culture clash from early Fatui members traveling southwards towards Fontaine and citizens from Natlan, where they were known for their lively parties after war, would travel north to Fontaine. Thus the influx of masquerades was born in the nation,” Zhongli continued to explain, Ajax’s expression growing more and more into something representing excitement.

“So what you’re saying is Fontaine is essentially a nation with a mixture of water, masquerades, and fighting?” Ajax eagerly began leaning towards Zhongli at those words, his attention on his food long gone.

“Well the fighting is not as prominent as the other two factors, but yes, I suppose you could summarize it as such,” Zhongli answered, not missing the way Ajax’s eyes seemed to shine at the prospect of such a nation.

“Jeez, Big Brother, if you’re so excited by Fontaine, just go there yourself!” Tonia laughed from across the table, getting an eye roll back from Ajax.

“You know my boss did give me an indefinite leave. So I would be careful with your words, Tonia, or maybe I will go ahead and visit Fontaine. But I’ll just buy myself, Teucer, and Anthon souvenirs. None for you!” Ajax retorted, noticeably not meaning his words.

A dramatic gasp left Tonia’s mouth at that.

“You wouldn’t dare!”

“Try me!”

Ajax was much too busy with his conversation with his sister to notice the considering look Zhongli was giving him.

Ajax visited Zhongli in his room that night.

“You almost finished packing?” He had asked as he caught sight of Zhongli sitting on the ground, his hair down and already dressed in pajamas, in front of a travel bag.

“Yes, just about,” Zhongli replied, closing up his bag before leaning against his bed. Ajax walked further into the room, stopping only once he was at Zhongli’s right.

“Ah, that’s good.” Ajax slid down to the ground then, sitting next to Zhongli as he also leaned against the bed.

“You mentioned the Tsaritsa has given you an indefinite leave at breakfast today,” Zhongli changed the subject, turning to face his head towards Ajax with a curious expression.

“Oh, yeah. I guess I forgot to mention that.” Ajax gave a sheepish smile at that. “ It’s nothing major, honestly. She just noticed I had forgotten a lot of things when I had returned to Zapolyarny Palace so she sent me home. It isn’t as if there was anything major going on anyways, since the rest of the harbingers still have to get the gnoses from the rest of the archons. But still, sending me home felt like a little much, I feel.”

Ajax did not expect to hear the snort that came from beside him. All he could do was send a clueless expression towards Zhongli, very much confused as to what was funny.

“Ajax, she sent you home because she knew ,” Zhongli finally replied.

“Huh?” Ajax turned to fully face Zhongli, bewildered.

“Your goddess is the goddess of love, no? I am sure it was not far into your stay at that Zapolyarny palace before she soon became aware of our predicament. She must have known you drank the wine and the reason for it when she became aware that there was something amiss with your memories,” Zhongli clarified as he also turned to face Ajax.

“Ah, that makes sense.” Ajax could shake his head as a chuckle left his lips. He couldn’t even be mad at himself for being oblivious to such a thing at that point. Not when Zhongli was joining him in easy laughter and smiles right in front of him.

It was when the laughter died out and a sheet of silence began to fall over them that Ajax finally said what he had originally walked into the room to say.

“You know, you don’t have to leave if you don’t want to. If it’s about what my father said, don’t mind him. He’s just bitter because I brought a friend home. Or rather, that someone doesn’t completely hate my guts like him. I’ll go talk to him if he’s upsetting you,” Ajax offered. Zhongli however, was quick to deny the request.

“No, he does not bother me. I am more concerned with how he treats you but I suppose that is not the main subject of our conversation right now.” Zhongli took a pause, as if he really did want to make the topic of Ajax’s father’s shitty parenting the main subject of their conversation, but quickly got rid of the idea. “But no, he was right in a sense. I do have to leave soon if I hope to not get stuck in an unbearable snowstorm before I arrive in Fontaine. It is entirely my own choice that I am leaving tomorrow.”

Ajax let out a sigh at that, not missing the way his heart sunk at Zhongli’s words.

“You’re absolutely sure?”

Zhongli’s eyes narrowed the slightest at Ajax’s question, observing the man in front of him.

“I don’t think I quite understand what you are trying to ask, Ajax.”

“I’m not exactly trying to ask anything, really,” Ajax started, his heart speeding up at the idea of what he was going to admit next. “I guess the best way to put it is to just say it how it is. I want you to stay.”

Ajax felt like the biggest hypocrite there was as he watched Zhongli’s eyes widen, obviously not expecting the admission. If it weren’t for the words he had just said, perhaps Ajax would have begun to laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation they were sitting in. How was it that Ajax, the one who had been so desperate to leave Zhongli’s side, was now the one pleading for Zhongli to stay.

“Ajax…” Zhongli had begun, not exactly knowing how to respond to that, but Ajax was already hasty with his reply.

“I’m not trying to tell you to stay or anything. It’s the opposite really, I want you to go if you want to go; I’m excited for you! But at the same time, I’m really going to miss you and-”

“Come with me.” Eager eyes looked towards Ajax as Zhongli cut off the man’s ramblings.

“Huh?” Ajax adequately responded, not quite sure if he heard Zhongli right. Of course he hadn’t just asked Ajax to join him on a journey, just the two of them, to a foreign nation, right?

Though Ajax should not have let the idea come to too much shock when he began to remember that this was the same man who had proposed to Ajax before he had so much as uttered a word about his own feelings. Perhaps asking Ajax to tag along on such a lengthy journey was not too much of a shocking request in the grand scheme of things.

And Ajax had to admit that the idea of spending cold days with Zhongli, and just Zhongli alone, did not sound too bad. Rather, it sounded quite appealing.

“Come with me to Fontaine. That’s what I was going to say after our apology in the forest. That I wanted you to come with me.” Zhongli repeated.

This time, the answer came easy to Ajax.

“Okay.” Zhongli blinked owlishly at that answer, causing a soft chuckle to leave Ajax’s lips. “What's that expression for?”

“I must admit, I did not expect you to agree to my offer as easily as that,” Zhongli explained, the dazed look in his eyes slowly disappearing after each blink.

“Really? You think I wouldn’t jump on the chance to go to Fontaine after that description you gave today?”

Zhongli shook his head.

“I was not too sure. I was aware that Fontaine peaked your interest but I did not know if it was to the point that you would want to leave Morepesok.”

“No, I believe it’s about time I’ve left. I’m pretty sure I’ve overstayed my welcome. Of course I know my family, or at least most of my family, was happy to see me. And don’t get me wrong, I loved staying with them for as long as I did! But I know they grow tired of my restlessness. They know just as much as I, that Morepesok stopped being home after a while,” Ajax explained, thinking upon the restlessness he had experienced during his time back home as of lately.

“Oh, I see,” Zhongli answered with an understanding hum before pausing. “I hate to ask this of you when I have already requested you join me on my trip to Fontaine, but would you also be interested in traveling with me to my next destination? I believe that it would be Natlan or Sumeru if either of those destinations peak your interest.”

Ajax couldn’t help another laugh from escaping his lips at Zhongli’s reply, warranting the latter to scrunch up his eyebrows, a question already on the tip of his tongue.

“Did I say something amusing?”

Ajax leaned forward, his hands coming to grasp Zhongli’s shoulders as a wide grin stood on his face.

“No, not exactly. It’s just that I want to get this through to you. You don’t have to ask me to go to all of these places with you in worries that I’ll say no. I’ll go anywhere with you, Fontaine, Natlan, Sumeru, or whatever other nation peaks your interest. Wherever you’re going on this grand journey of yours, I want to follow along. I’m just asking to stay by your side, Zhongli.”

A silent gasp left Zhongli’s mouth at those words, as if Ajax’s admiration towards him had still been a mystery. Ajax decided that he had been failing lately; That he had been failing when such an expression of shock on the man’s face could only mean he had not been doing a good job of showing just how much he cared for the man. And that would simply just not do.

Ajax didn’t know who leaned in first. All he knew was that one moment, a look of pure adoration had melted onto Zhongli’s face, his expression looking the most at ease that he had seen in a long while. Then the next, Zhongli had been so so close, before his lips were meeting Ajax’s.

Zhongli tasted like spring, Ajax decided as his arms moved to gently wrap around Zhongli’s neck, pulling the man closer. Likewise, Zhongli’s right hand remained on Ajax’s cheek as his left arm snaked around Ajax’s waist with a steady hold. He tasted like new flowers forming as the cold snow gave away to light misty mornings. He tasted like newly formed doe on the tips of flowers that had just bloomed. He tasted like finally coming home after a long journey away. He tasted like short nights that became cool mornings, like reaching for soft warmth upon waking up to the cool morning.

And Zhongli was the warmth that Ajax craved.

The cold winds of Senzneyha gave away to that same comforting warmth that radiated from Zhongli. The frigid ice had melted away into the fuzzy background, Ajax’s only focus on Zhongli’s touch as he melted in it, as if he were an ice cube in the sun. Though Ajax wanted to be closer, he wanted to feel more of that warmth, to slot himself like a perfect puzzle piece against Zhongli.

Almost as if Zhongli had become a mind reader in that moment and saw the wishes that lay in Ajax’s head, the man tightened his grasp on Ajax’s waist, pulling him closer against him. Or perhaps it had not been due to Ajax’s want at all. Perhaps Zhongli himself had simply wanted to pull him closer, close enough that he could feel Ajax’s racing heartbeat against his own chest. Though it wasn’t as if Zhongli was in any better shape.

Under the tips of his fingertips where the side of Zhongli’s neck laid, Ajax could feel the rhythm of his rapidly beating pulse under that pristine layer of skin. For a moment, Ajax recalled the fact that in technicality, Zhongli should have no heartbeat, the only semblance of his heart long gone in the hands of the Tsaritsa. But he soon found himself pushing that observation off to the side, much more eager to indulge in the soft lips that danced against his and the hands that held Ajax as if he were Zhongli’s only lifeline.

Soon, however, the two had parted, only a spec of space separating the pair’s lips. Ajax rested his forehead on Zhongli’s, a small smile growing on his face as he felt Zhongli’s heavy breath fall onto his lips.

God, did he really make Zhongli that breathless?

Though before Ajax could fully think that over, the hand on his cheek fell down to also wrap around his waist, before he was pulled closer to Zhongli, his chin now resting on Zhongli’s left shoulder as he sat in the embrace.

“Zhongli?” Ajax’s voice rang out in a quiet question at the sudden movement. The man in question shifted, slowly burying his face into the crook of Ajax’s neck.

“I’m just… so happy, is all.” The man’s voice was muffled and quiet, Ajax more so feeling the words against his neck than actually hearing them.

“Ah,” Ajax let out a small noise of understanding as an answer as he brought one of his hands up to the back of Zhongli’s head.

He understood, he truly did. It was hard to not be happy, to not be absolutely ecstatic, when the man of your dreams was finally right there in your arms, not fleeing off to places you could not reach.

And it was especially hard to not be happy when Ajax could easily drag his fingers through the man’s hair, internally priding himself for not wearing gloves this time. Even if it was three months later, Ajax could only smile at the familiar scene, this time a gentle silence cascading them as silky locks traveled across his hand like water down the stream.

It was a perfect moment if he had to say so himself. And of course, with all perfect moments, Ajax had to go and run his mouth.

Though he had a feeling it wasn't entirely a disaster this time. He hoped, at least.

“I love you, Zhongli.”

Zhongli visibly tensed in his arms, his grip tightening on Ajax before hastily relaxing.

Zhongli was still surprised? Did it come as such a shock for Ajax to say those words?

Gods, did Zhongli not think Ajax loved him?

Memories of wine bottles, a shopkeeper, and unfinished partings flashed through Ajax’s mind. Did the message of drinking wine to forget about the one you love not get through Zhongli’s head? Though when Ajax thought about it more, he could soon realize where Zhongli’s doubts were coming from. Drinking suspicious wine to forget and leave someone behind? If Ajax had been in Zhongli’s position, he would have thought the man hated him instead of loved him, the wine being based on the subject of your love or not!

Ajax pulled away some so his face was in view of Zhongli, their eyes locking as he placed his hands back on Zhongli’s shoulders.

“I love you,” he repeated before his voice turned less steady. “You do know that, right?”

Zhongli’s eyes narrowed at that, giving Ajax an almost chastising look.

“There is no need to look so distressed, Ajax. Of course I know you love me, as I love you. I would hope it would be obvious after the whole ordeal we went through these past months.”

However, Ajax didn’t respond quite yet, sensing that Zhongli’s reply was not fully done yet. Long behold, just a moment later, Zhongli sheepishly looked to the side, another set of words coming out in a more mellow tone.

“But I suppose it would be a lie if I did not admit I never expected that one day, I would be in the position I am right now. I do not doubt that you love me, it is just that I am still trying to process this could still happen.” Zhongli nodded his head towards the semi-embrace they were still engaged in. “I was under the impression that we would once again have to part ways. Yet instead it seems that I had assumed much worse than what has actually transpired.”

Ajax let out a small noise of agreement.

“I understand. I’m so used to accepting the idea that there was no happy ending for us, that being here now and planning an entire trip across Teyvat just doesn’t feel real. It feels like I’m in a dream that I’m just going to wake up from soon,” he replied, originally not opting to further his words beyond that.

However, what was Ajax supposed to do when Zhongli was looking at him like that ? What was he supposed to do when Zhongli hands still steady on his waist as his fingers drew soft patterns over the surface? What was he supposed to do other than be honest?

“But honestly, Zhongli, if this is a dream, I’m not too keen on waking up from it,” Ajax added, his tone much softer and almost inaudible. He supposed, however, his words were becoming much more surprising when a slow grin spread out on Zhongli’s face instead of that same shocked look he had just moments ago.

“I believe I have delightful news for you then, Ajax.” Zhongli’s voice came out in a low whisper, his soft breaths hitting Ajax’s lips as he leaned in close to him. Ajax could only sit still as Zhongli’s hand came to caress his cheek once more, resting there as if Ajax were a single flower in an otherwise barren field.

Ajax had a feeling the action was going to become a common one. He found that he did not mind the idea of that one bit.

“This is certainly not a dream. I can assure you of that.”

With those words, Zhongli leaned in once again. And what else could Ajax do except follow his lead and meet him in the middle?

Ajax had never seen Zhongli sleep before.

The realization hit him later that night, not long after they had packed up Ajax’s belongings and Zhongli had gone to his room and bed to retire for the night, an unspoken offer apparent in his eyes for Ajax to join him.

Of course Ajax had agreed.

What he had not expected, however, was just how fast Zhongli was out like a light. For how much the man had complained about how much of a waste of time sleeping, he seemed to be able to do it pretty easily. Zhongli had only just gotten into bed and uttered a ‘goodnight’ to him, aimlessly reached out for the closest part of Ajax he could find - which ended up being his left arm -, before he laid his head on the pillow on the right side of the bed and promptly passed out as Ajax laid awake.

How did the god who did not even see the point of sleep end up finding rest easier than Ajax?

Ajax let out a low chuckle at the thought of the situation, adjusting the position of his arm so it would not lose circulation under Zhongli’s hold, as he reached out with his other hand to gently grab a few strands of Zhongli’s hair.

Ajax had never seen Zhongli sleep before, but he could already tell the man did not look much different from when he was awake. He had heard many different accounts from love songs, stories, and fools in love of how they could look forever at their lover sleeping, how they had looked so at peace with the world’s struggles not weighing down on them. However, Ajax could see no difference. The man laying by his side looked the same as he always did, just with his eyes closed.

That wasn’t to say that Ajax grew bored of looking at Zhongli. It was quite the opposite actually. As he gently twirled silky strands around his finger, Ajax did not look away from Zhongli. How could he?

Though Ajax could do without the way his arm had begun to numb under Zhongli’s hold. It wasn’t as if it was the most comfortable position ever, laying in an awkward border between his back and his side as one arm was being held away from him and another was reached out towards Zhongli.

Perhaps a little bit of a warning before Zhongli went ahead and just grabbed his arm away from him would be nice!

Ajax let out a small huff at that, the beginnings of a smile already starting to grow on his face.

It wasn’t perfect. The position they were in wasn’t perfect and Ajax was fully aware of that. Though, maybe he found it better that way. Maybe he found it better that instead of quiet and loving whispers before falling asleep in each other's arms, Ajax found himself still wide awake next to a fully asleep Zhongli who had decided on grabbing his arm like a toddler instead. Because in the end, it wasn’t as if Ajax was looking for a storybook romance with grand proposals and awe-inspiring gestures. In the end, he wasn’t looking for a prince, he had just wanted Zhongli. And Ajax believed Zhongli was greater than any perfect prince could be.

That was how Ajax found himself muttering words he could only say to Zhongli when he was unaware. Words falling to deaf ears that would not hear them again until the day Ajax could confidently say them aloud.

Ajax wasn’t one to beg; He wasn’t the one to waste time on useless words such as ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ at the end of the day. Such words were reserved for pleasant conversations and smiles that were too wide to be fully genuine, with people who would truly never know him.

However, Zhongli was a different case.

Archons, if it meant he could simply see him for a moment longer, hear a singular word leave his mouth, or just be able to reach out towards him, Ajax would get down on his knees and pray to every archon that reigned over Teyvat.

Ajax had never needed grand gestures with Zhongli and he would not fall back on that now. He did not find it to be a grand gesture, rather it was that he was willing to swallow his pride for Zhongli.

He did not think over it much longer, though, before his muttered words filled up the silence.

“Stay with me forever, please.”

A single amber eye opened up at that statement.

Ajax almost jumped out of the bed.

“You’re still awake!” A shrill whisper left Ajax’s mouth as he jolted upwards, now sitting up.

“Yes, I am,” Zhongli stated as if he had not just previously been laying almost as still as a board. After Ajax’s arm had been freed from Zhongli’s grip when he had shot up, Zhongli’s arms now laid on the bed, one them moving to prop his own head up to look up at Ajax.

“But I thought you were asleep! You had gone out like a light the second we got in bed.” As Ajax spoke, Zhongli simply raised his other free hand to rub against his face as if he truly had just woken up.

“I was not quite asleep yet. I had believed mortals did not fall asleep immediately and instead would grow more and more fatigued once they closed their eyes until sleep finally took effect. I had been doing just that until I heard you speak to me.” a small frown splayed out on Zhongli’s lips and his eyebrows scrunched together. “Have I misinterpreted the way it is that mortals fall asleep?”

Ajax shook his head, finally feeling himself relax once more.

“No, you’re fine. I was just under the impression you were asleep is all.” The concentrated look on Zhongli’s face did not go away, instead his eyes grew narrower as he continued to observe Ajax.

“I assume it was not your intention for me to hear you had said.”

“Yeah, I can’t say it exactly was.”

Zhongli stayed silent at that for a moment before he nodded his head.

“I see. Shall I act as if I had never heard a word?” The suggestion left Zhongli’s lips not soon before he was closing his eyes once again, as if he really was going to attempt to go back to sleep and act as if he had never opened his eyes at Ajax’s words.

However, Ajax knew neither of them was going to forget the quiet words he had uttered.

“No, it’s fine. You already heard me anyways. We both know you’re going to remember it, even if you don’t mention it to me,” Ajax replied, getting Zhongli’s eyes to open back up once more, looking much more awake than he had just a moment ago.

“I can provide no argument against that.” Zhongli took a pause before continuing, the next word coming out slightly more mellow. ”Forever?”

“Hmm?” Ajax let out a questioning hum, watching as Zhongli sat up.

“You had said you wanted me to stay with you forever. You are aware of what forever means to one who was once a god, specifically the one of contracts.” Golden eyes stared at Ajax with an almost glowing intensity, as if it were Rex Lapis looking at him rather than Zhongli. Though in a sense, the statement was not too far off.

“I’m well aware.” Ajax looked back, hoping he gave off the same amount of equal intensity. If he had already dug himself into this hole by Zhongli hearing words he was not meant to exactly hear, why not just say it all?

“Yet even then, you still request such a thing from me.” The tips of Zhongli’s lips turned up, the hints of a teasing smile already beginning to show as the intense light in his eyes began to fade into something much softer. “It almost sounds like something akin to a marriage proposal.”

Ajax knew it was a joke. Or mostly a joke at least; He had not forgotten about that pair of chopsticks. Yet, still Ajax found himself continuing to speak the truth, as if he had nothing to lose. Though, in a way, what did he have to lose at this point?

There were no memory erasing potions or urgent departures here. Honest words no longer lead to bittersweet endings, just quiet admissions. In the end, Ajax gained nothing by hiding the truth of his words anymore, maybe he even lost more than anything by not just saying what he wanted.

Perhaps it was that sentiment which kept his honesty going. Or maybe the night had finally gotten to him, fatigue finally clouding his judgment. But really, did it matter when his words made Zhongli make that expression?

“You know, Zhongli, when you say it aloud, the idea doesn’t sound as ludicrous as it should.”

The smile that had been building on Zhongli’s face immediately dropped, the irises of his eyes decreasing in his size as his eyes widened.

“Ajax?”

That did not deter Ajax from continuing on, any coherent thoughts lost as he spoke words he never thought he would have the chance to say before.

“I could buy you the finest ring, whatever catches your eye. You would only need to ask, and it would be yours.”

Zhongli’s face scrunched up at that, as if he were thinking something over.

“I suppose. However, there is an underlying issue. I could only agree once I have procured a ring for you, as well.” As the man spoke, his hands went to grab Ajax’s left, raising it up.

Ajax let out a snort.

“Mind telling me how you could afford that, Zhongli? With my own money just like you did with those chopsticks?”

Zhongli’s eyes seemed to almost glow as he pulled Ajax’s hand to his lips, warm breath tickling his skin as a light kiss placed on his ring finger.

“You misunderstand. I still hold immense power over the ground we stand above. It would cost me no mora to dig into the riches of the ground and find any jewel or stone to your liking. I would craft only the finest for you, also, of course, every indent and pattern perfectly engraved into it. You deserve only the best.”

Ajax could only remain silent as Zhongli uttered those words after he had removed his lips from the digit, his mouth ghosting over Ajax’s hand with the words he spoke. Ajax’s lips parted as his face began to heat up, turning to his head to look anywhere else in the room other than at Zhongli.

“Oh, you seem much more silent now. Has it been that I’ve left you speechless, Ajax?” The man asked as he finally placed Ajax’s hand back down, the slight tendrils of signs that he was teasing evident in his voice.

“I- no!” Ajax responded, desperately trying and failing not to stutter over a singular word.

It was right after his stammering that Ajax wondered what the fuck he was doing? If he kept on running along with this charade with Zhongli, he wouldn’t be surprised if he ended up with a husband by the end of the night.

Not even that, how was he supposed to walk out of Zhongli’s room tomorrow with his bags packed to go to an entirely different nation and engaged, the latter of the two statements getting closer and closer to becoming reality instead of being an exaggeration; Especially with the way Zhongli looked as if he were ready to marry Ajax right there on the spot.

Though the more Ajax thought about it, the better of an idea it began to sound like…

No, he was not going to get engaged to Zhongli in bed!

“Maybe we should focus on this later. I’m sure my family would be quite shocked if I suddenly was engaged to you tomorrow, especially when we have just gotten together just this day,” Ajax suggested with a much more steady voice as he began to gain his bearings back.

Zhongli let out a thoughtful hum as he raised a finger to his chin.

“I would believe it to be the contrary, to be truthful. It seems as if the majority of your family believes us to already be romantically involved, I doubt such a development would come as much of a surprise.” That same stupid teasing grin laid on Zhongli’s face. “Besides, your mother seems to have taken quite a liking to me. I am sure she would be ecstatic to find out that I would one day be your husband.”

Ajax let out an aggravated groan, an argument unable to leave his lips. He hated how right Zhongli was then. Of course his family, or at least his siblings, wouldn’t be surprised! If anything, they would probably be more shocked at the thought that the pair had not been together for almost the entirety of time Zhongli had been in Snezhnaya.

“Goodnight, Zhongli,” Ajax grumbled as he went to lay back down, actively facing away from Zhongli now. Though even if the man was not in his sights, he could still hear Zhongli’s laugh sound from behind him as he also went to lay down, his arm coming to snake around Ajax’s waist to pull him closer to Zhongli.

“Goodnight, Ajax.”

It clicked for Ajax’s mother the second the pair walked out of Zhongli’s room the next morning.

“You’ve finally worked things out,” she stated, a slow smile growing onto her face as she stood in the hallway with a basket of laundry in her arms. The woman placed the basket down into the floor, signaling she still had more to say.

Were they really that obvious ?

“Ah, yes,” Zhongli answered for them. Her face brightened at those words, closing her hands together in joy.

“That’s great! I was rooting for you two to figure everything out!” Ajax’s mother paused, turning her gaze to pointedly look at her son. “So do you have everything packed, Ajax?”

Ajax took a moment to simply blink in response, clueless on where his mother had gained this information.

“Huh? You know I’m leaving, already?” He finally asked, warranting a snicker from his mother in response.

“Of course I do! I knew it the second Zhongli mentioned that he would be leaving soon,” his mother explained before quickly continuing into one of lectures on Ajax and self care. “Anyways, long journeys like these require lots of packing. A lot more than you packed for Liyue. Don’t forget your coat oh and also a pair of shorts this time. Oh! And especially underwear, you don’t wa-“

Ajax cut his mother off right there.

“Yes, Mom, I have everything,” Ajax groaned, his mind already on leaving the hallway so he did not have to hear anymore about a simple task he already knew how to do.

Already seeing that her words getting through to Ajax was a lost case, his mother turned her head to look at Zhongli.

“Zhongli, please make sure Ajax has everything.”

Zhongli easily nodded back in response.

“I will ensure that he has all the necessities for our travels.” Those words brought another smile to the woman’s face as she went to grab a shoulder of each of them, bringing them into a group hug of sorts.

“You two take care of each other, alright? It’s a long way from home out where you guys are going.”

Even as his mother’s words brought a light feeling in his chest, Ajax still, once again, did not have the heart to tell his mother that they would most likely be fine if one of them was a harbinger and the other was a six-thousand year old god. However, it seemed as if he did not have to inform her of that before his mother was talking to them in a much softer tone.

“Yes, yes, before you say it, Ajax, I am aware you two can handle yourselves. Especially, with you being a harbinger and Zhongli being Rex Lapis and all, but it doesn’t hurt to still be careful.”

Ajax’s heart skipped a beat at that. Had he heard her right?

“ Mom? ” Ajax’s voice came out in a shrill whisper. However, his mother was already removing her hold on the two men and pushing them in the direction of the kitchen.

“You’ve heard what I said! You should go say bye to the others now. Wouldn’t want to hold you two up too much!” Ajax’s mother let the words out in a sing-song tone as she went to pick up the basket of laundry and make her retreat, that mischievous smile still on her face.

Once the woman had left their sights, Ajax decided on turning his attention to Zhongli, who simply had a thoughtful expression on his face.

“Did you know she knew?” Ajax asked, still very much dumbfounded. Zhongli simply raised a hand to the bottom of his own jaw, tapping a finger on his chin.

“No, I was very much unaware. Though I can not say that her having knowledge of my identity brings me any surprise. I suppose I was not the most discreet with her,” Zhongli explained, provoking Ajax to raise his eyebrows in a questioning manner.

“What do you mean, ‘not the most discreet’?”

Zhongli stayed quiet for a moment before answering that question, obviously thinking about his answer very carefully.

“Well, there were times when I had told her stories of Liyue’s past that may have sounded more so like a memory rather than a fable.” Ajax already felt a long sigh leaving his mouth as Zhongli began his answer. “But I believe she truly became aware when she and I had been discussing marriage just a few weeks ago.”

“Marriage?” Ajax asked, keeping his tone much more steady and controlled than the feeling that was building up in his gut. Zhongli gave a slow nod to that.

“Yes, she uh- she was consulting me on if I was planning on becoming married soon… specifically to you.” Zhongli paused with his response when he caught sight of Ajax’s expression, or rather lack of expression since the majority of his face was covered by his hand as he massaged his nose bridge. Noticing the silence, Ajax spared a side look to Zhongli before waving a hand.

“No, no, please continue.”

“Well, as I was saying, I responded as honestly as I could to her. I told her that we did not have any set plans to get married or rather to enter any romantic relationship at the moment. However , I did inform her that marriage is one of the many contracts that both parties must contribute equally on and one I did not take very lightly. If I were to become married anytime in the future, you would be my first and only choice.

She then told me, which looking back on it now I highly believe she was only joking, that if she did not know any better, she would believe me to be Rex Lapis. Of course I could not outright say ‘No, I am not Rex Lapis’, so I remained silent. She also remained silent at my silence and started to look quite surprised before hastily changing the subject. I believe she had connected the dots then.”

Ajax didn’t know if he should be flattered or exasperated. On one hand, his mother had already begun her rain of terrorization on him getting married. But on the other hand, his ‘first and only choice’ for marriage? How was Ajax’s heart supposed to calm down after hearing that come out of Zhongli’s mouth?

He was well aware of the talks of proposal they had just had the night before; But still, to hear Zhongli say such a thing aloud, wide awake, when the edges of sleep did not loom over them was just…

“You really are unbelievable!” Ajax let out a chuckle as he finally began to walk over to his own room to grab the things he had packed the night before. “Utterly unbelievable!”

And all Zhongli could do was follow along, an almost glowing smile forming on his face at the man’s familiar words.

“Big brother, we’re going to miss you!” Small arms wrapped around Ajax as Anthon rushed to hug his older brother. Not far behind the boy, Tuecer and Tonia followed, joining in on the hug.

“Oomf!” Ajax let out a grunt at the sudden weight, wrapping his arms around his younger siblings partly to hug them back and partly to settle himself. Jeez, his siblings were getting heavy!

“Easy there, your big brother is getting old!” Ajax chuckled, distracting himself from the fact that it was more so his siblings were getting older much too fast for his liking rather than himself growing in age.

However, those words were not enough to deter his siblings from continuing their pursuit, his words falling on deaf ears.

“Make sure you bring another Mr. Cyclops when you come back!” Teucer’s voice sounded from Ajax’s right. Of course he could not even find himself surprised at his younger brother’s words; When was his first priority not on a Mr. Cyclops?

“And please make sure to tell Anthon in your next letter whether people from Fontaine are made of water or not,” Tonia requested, her voice holding a bit of exasperation.

“Hey! It’s a good question! There’s no harm in asking!” A pout formed on Anthon’s face as he retorted back. Tonia only let out a long breath as she shook her head, not a far cry from how Ajax acted when he found himself utterly exhausted with what ridiculous things the world would throw at him. Though the squabble was cut short when Teucer began to talk, bringing up a much different topic.

“Wait, someone’s missing from the hug,” he observed, looking over behind Ajax. The man and the rest of his siblings followed Teucer’s gaze to where Zhongli stood with their bags, quietly and albeit a bit awkwardly waiting for Ajax’s goodbye with his siblings to conclude.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“We almost forgot about Mr. Zhongli!”

Tonia’s and Anthon’s voices rang out in agreement before Anthon, who stood to the left of Ajax, was removing his arm that laid around Ajax to leave an opening for Zhongli.

“Come on, Mr. Zhongli!” Teucer urged the man to join them.

“I wouldn’t want to intrude.” Zhongli sheepishly rubbed the back of his head as he focused his stare to the stare, looking very much like he wanted to join the hug.

“Zhongli, I have to say, I highly doubt you’d be intruding anything,” Ajax chimed in, not missing the way Zhongli seemed to lighten up at those words. Effectively proving his point, Tonia enthusiastically nodded her head.

“Exactly! Besides, aren’t you and Ajax going to get married soon anyways? You’re practically part of the family now!”

Ajax realized he was going to have to have a very long talk with his family about him and marriage when he came back home, especially with the way Anthon and Tuecer simply nodded at Tonia’s words, not shocked in the slightest.

Thankfully, not deterred by his sister’s words, Zhongli placed their two bags on the ground and walked over to the hug, easily slotting himself between Anthon and Ajax.

“Make sure you take care of our big brother,” Teucer ordered once Zhongli had joined the group hug.

“Mhm! He’s always been alone whenever he’s left home before. I’m glad he has you now!” Ajax’s heart jumped a little at Tonia’s statement. Had his siblings always been so worried about him? Did they really trust Zhongli that much?

“Of course. I will make sure I take good care of him.” Ajax heard Zhongli speak from his left before he looked over to the man.

Ajax decided that it was hard not to trust Zhongli when he was looking at Ajax right then with that soft look in his eyes and that small smile, as if he was ready to put Ajax above the world itself to make sure he would be fine.

It seemed as if Ajax’s family had no need to worry. He would be more than alright.

It was when they had already long begun their trek out of Morepesok, goodbyes with Ajax’s mother and siblings - with his father thankfully absent - already long past, that the question came up.

“I was wondering about something, Ajax,” Zhongli began, sparing a glance in the said man's direction, his eyes squinting at the sun that illuminated the surrounding snow covered forest around them.

“Hmm? What is it?”

“Your letter. There was a portion in it that I was hoping you could provide an explanation on.”

“Oh? Sure, go ahead and ask.” Though Ajax had a strong feeling as to what Zhongli was already going to bring up. Afterall, Ajax wasn’t dumb, he knew the extensive memory that the man had. There was no way he had simply read over that .

“You had mentioned there was one last thing I had taught you. Or rather, one last teaching I was in the process of guiding you on. Would you be amenable to informing on what said teaching is now?”

Ajax stopped in his tracks, a bit of snow flying up from under his snow boots at the sudden halt in his movements, as he looked towards Zhongli. Zhongli soon followed the motion, stopping by Ajax’s side as his eyes looked at him curiously.

“Yeah, I suppose so. It isn’t as if there is a good reason to hide it anymore,” Ajax let out with a nervous chuckle as he tapped his fingers on the side of his leg. Ajax perhaps would have taken a moment longer to prepare himself for his answer if it were not for the frown that laid upon Zhongli’s lips, as if he were expecting a deep and dark confession to leave Ajax’s mouth.

“You taught me how to be loved, Zhongli.”

The frown that had formed on Zhongli’s face opened up as a small and silent gasp left his lips at the admission, his expression evident of the fact that he had not expected those words to come from Ajax.

“I’ve always known what it means to love someone. I mean, I have my younger siblings, my older ones, and my parents of course. I loved all of them when I was younger and I still love the majority of them now. It’s nothing new to me to feel love for someone,” Ajax continued with his explanation, forcing his gaze not to turn away from Zhongli’s.

This time he would not look away in shame or fear. He would say all of these words with courage, under the gaze he had always felt so exposed and vulnerable in.

And as he continued, Zhongli's eyes feeling as if they were boring into him, it soon occurred to Ajax that perhaps what he had been running from, that perhaps such vulnerability was not as much of a scary thing as he had thought of it as before.

“However, to be loved is much different. Ever since the day I returned from the abyss, my family has not looked at me the same. My older siblings rarely ever talk to me anymore, my younger siblings only look up to an idealized image I had made up of myself, my father doesn’t even see me as his son anymore, and my mother tries so hard to love me as things once were but I can still see in her eyes that she misses the boy who had died the moment he fell into that abyss.”

Ajax took a pause, desperately trying to contemplate on what he would say next. Though he had time, he knew he had time. He knew it from the way Zhongli was looking at him then, all his attention focused on Ajax as if he would wait a lifetime for his reply.

Zhongli was a patient man, Ajax was well aware of this.

Ajax, however, was not.

“But then there’s you. You’ve seen about every side of me, from my lowest to my highest, and yet you still haven’t given up on me. For once, there’s no condition to the love someone is giving me. You’ve just loved me for me, and I even begin to express how thankful I am for that.”

It was at the end of Ajax’s explanation that Zhongli stepped forward, his right hand coming to caress Ajax’s cheek the same way he had the night before. That indescribable expression that had once brought terror into Ajax’s heart at the uncertainty of the definition of it, laid on Zhongli’s face now. Except this time, Ajax did not feel his heart race in fear at the sight of that expression. No this time, his heart soared in joy, for he now knew what emotion laid upon Zhongli’s face.

It was love; It always has been.

“Would you say that teaching is also finished by now?” Zhongli asked, his breath ghosting over Ajax’s as he leaned closer in.

Ajax slowly shook his head, careful not to knock the other man’s hand from his face.

“I’d say I’ve gotten better with it but no. I have to admit, I find it hard to believe sometimes that I truly am being loved simply for me. That someone could love every part of me like this. It’s gotten easier, though, to trust in the fact that you really do feel such a way about me.”

A tiny smile formed on Zhongli’s lips as he made a soft motion with the thumb that was resting on Ajax’s cheek. A soft hum of understanding left his lips.

“I see. Well then, Ajax. Would you prefer for me to continue to teach you on the matters of how to be loved?”

Ajax did not take even a second to think over his answer.

“Please do.”

And with that, Zhongli’s lips met Ajax’s.

Childe wasn’t one to believe in fruitless fairy tales. Such things were stories he learned to not give a second thought much too early on in his life, after a fall into a deep and dark abyss. Fairy tales were something that belonged in one’s childhood; They were frail beliefs that were much too easily shattered.

However, as he and Zhongli stood in the middle of cold forest, miles and miles away from the warm harbor they had once called home, Ajax realized that perhaps fairy tales were not such an absurd idea. Even if they were and would never be perfect, Ajax had a feeling Zhongli was a fairy tale that he could believe in. That even if they traveled to nations far from any place either of them had called home, they still had each other

However, maybe home really wasn't that far away.

Maybe, home had simply been the person standing by Ajax's side the entire time.