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Chapter Text

1. i am the keeper of the flame

Nakago summons Soi to his quarters one night, but not for the usual chi-raising session.

Tags: Literal Sleeping Together

Chapter Text

He summons her to his chamber one night. She has no reason to think tonight will be any different from their other nights together, but just as she prepares to disrobe, he stops her. “None of that tonight. Just come to bed with me.”

Perplexed, Soi can only blurt out, “I’m sorry?”

“You heard me. Tonight, you sleep here.” There is no change to his usual cold, apathetic tone.

“Did something happen? Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” he instantly replies. “Stay; that is all.”

With those words, he gets in bed. Snuffing out the lone lantern illuminating his room, Soi awkwardly joins him. Hesitantly, she rolls on to her side to face him. “Good night,” she whispers. “Sleep well.” He says nothing, merely drifting off to slumber.

Minutes pass, becoming an hour, yet Soi is still unable to sleep. She wonders if taking a walk might clear her head.  Or, perhaps, she could find some dull, long-winding document in Nakago’s study to lull her to sleep. She slowly gets out of bed, quietly sliding the door separating Nakago’s bedroom from his study, not wanting to wake him. 

Immediately, a new, unfamiliar addition to the room catches her eye. In one corner is a small, makeshift altar with some fruit and joss sticks. The tiny, barely-there flames are clinging to life — the only meager lights in the room. Soi’s heart sinks as the realization hits her: that it might be the day that Nakago had lost his mother. So that’s why he didn’t want to be alone.

Soi had never taken Nakago to be the type to observe tradition; he scoffed at most of Kutou’s festivals and ceremonies, calling them ridiculous. She finds it oddly comforting that he will, at least, make an exception for his dear mother. But the fact that the altar is makeshift fills her with horror. 

Was he not allowed to honor his late mother when he was brought to the palace? Did he have to renounce his ties to his tribe, including his very own mother, to swear allegiance to Kutou? Was it only after becoming the Shogun of Kutou and having the privacy of his own room that he could pay tribute to the mother that he presumably never even got to bury? Soi unwittingly finds her eyes moist at the barrage of questions in her head.

Don’t worry, Nakago, I’ll be back soon, she whispers to her beloved, though he is far too deep in sleep to hear her. She slips out, heading for her quarters to take some fruit that she’d bought recently. She then heads for Seiryuu’s mausoleum, plucking some unused joss sticks — the god had taken so much from them; surely mere incense sticks were nothing in comparison. Back in Nakago’s study, she sets them before the makeshift altar and clasps her hands in silent prayer:

I’m deeply sorry for what you’d gone through. I hope you are at peace now. Please accept my apologies; I know I’m not worthy, and you must’ve had higher hopes for your son’s choice of partner — not that he loves me, let alone intends to marry me, anyway — but I love your son, I truly do.  I don’t care about his money or title — maybe I’m just here to warm his bed, but that’s all I want: to be by his side. Please, rest assured that I’ll take care of your son. And if I may ask, could you please continue watching over him, too?

Soi returns to Nakago’s bed. Resting her head on his chest, she pulls him into an embrace, and falls asleep not long after. Much later in the night, Nakago trashes about, but she soothes him, murmuring, “I’m here.” as she strokes his back. Whether he is conscious enough to hear her, she does not know, but she keeps at it until the night terrors pass.

In the morning, no words are exchanged; Soi does not want to push him. Nakago makes his way to his study to retrieve — or put away — something, and if he notices some offerings that weren’t there before, he does not say a word.

This is not the last time that he summons her to just spend the night in his quarters. Each time, he says nothing, but as much as Soi hopes that he will, one day, tell her what exactly has been troubling him, she comes to an understanding: that no words need to be said for him to share his pain with her. If anything, these nights of just drifting off to sleep together remind her that there is a flickering, warm flame in his frozen heart, and she is its keeper.