Work Text:
Gintoki is quiet in his work at first, he makes sure to not make a single sound at the start of it. But of course, as someone who’s prone to child-like giddiness over something trivial; he ends up humming another commercial jingle that’s been showing more on the TV recently. Something about local grown rice. A stupid jingle, but the tune is stuck in his head like broken record.
He hums to the stupid tune while arranging the wildflowers he’s picked on the wooden floor. Placing one flower after another, making sure they spell out the words correctly. The usually uselessly flapping side of his kimono is used as a makeshift bag for these wildflowers. Gintoki had spent the entire day plucking all the wildflowers from Edo sidewalks clean. He’s poor, it’s not like he can afford grandeur bouquet. But Gin-san made sure he only picked the best of the best wildflowers.
He’s so preoccupied with arranging the flowers into ‘Please go out with me!’ that he doesn’t realize the person standing right behind him.
“What the hell are you doing,”
“Wh—” Gintoki barely has time to react when he’s given a kick on his butt, making him tumble forward. His head hits the wooden railing with a loud thud.
“Ah! Yorozuya-san!” The silver haired man fumbles around to clean himself, patting his hair down to tame it a little, and then gesturing to the little handicraft he just made.
“Please go—”
The raven shuts the door in a swift motion, creating a gust of wind that blows all the flowers into disarray. Gintoki looks at the door, then looks down at the mess of trampled flowers. He must have accidentally stepped on them when he tumbled.
He stands up, cleans the remaining flowers on him while he kicks the rest off the porch. The scrunched flowers scatter into the air when they fall off from the roof, onto the ground below, and then get stepped on by passersby.
“I’ll be back again tomorrow!”
Then he walks off the stairs.
Every day, Gintoki would leave something at the porch of the Yorozuya. Small things like mint candies because he noticed that Hijikata doesn’t like sweets but he’d eat it if it’s mint flavored. Sometimes a pack of Mayoboro cigarettes because he noticed that Hijikata smokes that brand. But mostly flowers that he picks around Edo, from bushes in an abandoned lot, the wildflowers that grow in various degree of prettiness. He still can’t afford those fancy bouquet, he’s still saving up for that one.
“Shouldn’t you be working?”
Gintoki never made it in surprising Hijikata, somehow the other always open the door at the right time when he’s still arranging the flowers or preparing for the gift.
“I just finished a class, I’m done for work today, actually.” Gintoki lets out a small nervous laugh at Hijikata who stares down at the flowers he’s arranged yet again on the porch. There’s something hard on the raven’s face that Gintoki never understands, but he still finds it immensely gorgeous.
“Are you still going to do that again tomorrow?” Hijikata’s eyes never leave the ground.
“Yeah, until I can have Yorozuya-san go out with Gin-san, hehe.” Gintoki tries his smile to come out as confident, but he can’t help the nervousness that turns it into a rather crooked smile. Hijikata doesn’t look at his face, thankfully.
“… Come here tomorrow at 5 am and I’ll consider.”
“For rea—”
Hijikata shuts the door before Gintoki can exclaim his excitement.
Gintoki is ready before Shinpachi even wakes up. He dresses his best (which pretty much just his usual outfit, but he combs his hair, that should count, right?) and runs for the Yorozuya. The town is still mostly asleep when he climbs up the shop’s stairs, knocking at the Yorozuya door.
“Yorozuya-san! I’m here!”
Nobody answers, the light inside is still dark.
“Yorozuya-san!”
Gintoki knocks again and receives no answer. When he calls again for the third time, he gets yelled by the neighbor, so Gintoki decides to sit on the porch and wait for Hijikata to come out.
Minutes turn into hours, he watches the sun rises up, and still there’s no answer from inside the house. Gintoki tries knocking again and the door opens for him.
“Yoro—Ah, Kagura-chan,”
It’s not Hijikata that opens it, but rather the girl with a disgruntled face, probably from the lack of sleep, Gintoki guesses. The girl frowns hard at him, and Gintoki wonders why everyone in this household always has that permanently annoyed look, are they sure they’re not blood related?
“Is the Yorozuya-san inside?”
“No.”
Gintoki only blinks dumbfoundedly like a fish washed ashore. He doesn’t know how to reply to that; Hijikata told him to come early, and he’s not there? Was he late, then? Gintoki was sure he checked the clock when he dashed from the Shimura household around 4:30, he gave a good ample of spare time just in case something happened in the way (which is nonsense, really, nothing could happen between the 5 minutes run from the Shimura house to the Yorozuya).
“Eh, did he already… Ah, then, Kagura-chan, can you tell me where he went off?”
“… No.” Gintoki tries his best to keep his composure with this difficult girl, but it’s slowly making him losing it.
“Ah, do you know when he’ll be ba—”
“… No. Please just go back to Shinpachi’s, Gin-chan.” The door closes on Gintoki yet again and the silver haired man sighs. The sun already ascending high, Gintoki walks back to the Shimura ground with heavy steps.
Kagura walks back inside and stops at the junction between the living room and the kitchen. Sitting on the floor against one of the kitchen wall is Hijikata.
“He’s gone.”
“… Thanks, Kagura.”
The girl rubs her face with the sleeve of her pajamas. She looks towards Hijikata and opens her mouth, but she doesn’t say anything because she understands already from the pleading look from the raven. She closes her mouth, biting down her quivering lips.
“Shinpachi, what do you think is wrong, is it my technique? I don’t think it’s the look, I’m not ugly, right? Gin-san is handsome, like sure not the pretty-kind of handsome like Yorozuya-san, but I’m still good-looking, right? Is it really my technique? Is it old or something?”
Shinpachi puts down the magazine he’s reading to peer over the silver haired man lying down on the engawa, there’s so many things he wants to comment on what the man just said, but the boy finds his tongue to be loss for words.
“Gin-san,”
“I’m really not into this kind of M play, you know. Gin-san is really not one for getting turned down again and again like this. I know you’re going to say that I should stop again, but like I told you before; I want to be with him.” Shinpachi stares at Gintoki’s back. “I just… really want to be with him. I don’t even know, but it’s a feeling that I can’t shake off.”
The sky has already turned gray a long while ago, it looks heavy since morning. After the guttural sound of thunder in the distance as a signal, the first drop of rain finally falls. They both watch the drizzle gradually descend into a downpour.
“I want to be with him.”
Shinpachi cannot reply to the man’s words.
“What are you doing,”
“Look! It’s snow duck!” Gintoki proudly presents the array of duck-shaped snow figures neatly lining up on the railing of the Yorozuya porch. It snowed last night, and the entire town is covered in white blanket now.
Hijikata glances at the device in Gintoki’s hand, which the man notices. “Ah, this! The kids were playing with this at the park just now, it’s a neat thing, here let me show you.”
Gintoki excitedly demonstrates the scissor-like device with duck mold at the end. “You scoop some snow with it and then press for it, then release it slowly… There! Another duck, it’s stupidly adorable.”
“Did you take it from the kids?”
“… I’m borrowing it for a bit.”
Gintoki stands awkwardly for a moment, unsure when he should pop the same question he’s been asking every single day, for months now, he barely remembers when he first start asking this dumb question.
“Uh, will you—”
“… Tomorrow, at the park.”
Gintoki tries to calm himself down from the excitement.
“R-right! Uh, what time shall I pick you…”
“I’ll meet you there at twelve.”
Gintoki smiles wide.
“Alright, I’ll be there at eleven, I promise Gin-san won’t be late!”
“… Sure.”
“Kagura, where are you going?”
She fixes her coat, making sure she’s all bundled up for the cold weather.
“I heard what you guys were talking yesterday.”
Hijikata clenches his jaw. “It’s not your problem.”
She puts on her boots. “Toshi won’t be going, right?”
Hijikata’s answer to that is a loud silence.
“That’s why I’m going.”
“He’s not stupid enough to go on a blizzard.”
Kagura looks at Hijikata from across the entryway, one last time before exiting into the snowstorm.
“He is, he’s the idiot permhead, yes.”
Kagura heads towards Shinpachi’s place, deciding to confirm it first before heading to the park. He meets the other boy around the corner of the neighborhood, apparently they both heading to the same direction. Kagura doesn’t need to ask because Shinpachi explains it right away.
Gintoki already left early in the morning, he said he’s going to run to a couple of places before heading for his date at the park. Shinpachi told him about the weather forecast today, but Gintoki only said “I made a promise I won’t be late!” before running off into the brewing storm. Shinpachi couldn’t stop him. It started to hail not long after Gintoki left.
When Kagura and Shinpachi arrive at the park, the entire place is already covered in white snow. No sane person is out in such weather. It’s hard to look around with the heavy weather, even harder is finding a silver haired man clad in white kimono. Like finding needle in a hay-stack, impossible.
“There!” Shinpachi points at the figure standing near the park statue, Gintoki’s red-black jacket a savior in making him easier to spot.
“Gin-chan!” Kagura shouts at the top of her lungs and Gintoki notices her. They quickly approach the silver haired man who’s shivering hard.
“S-Shinpachi, K-Kagura—” Gintoki tries his best to wave at them, but his body is frigid cold he feels like a block of ice.
“Gin-san! Let’s go home, the weather is said to get worse in the afternoon!”
“But I g-got a date with Yo—”
“Toshi is not coming, Gin-chan!”
The two watches Gintoki process Kagura’s words. It’s somewhat slow, like the gears in his head already freezing from the cold weather. There are snow piling up on top of his hair, his skin is already turning just as white as his surrounding, his lips already purple, and the two kids wonder how long Gintoki been standing there.
“Ah, I s-see… It’s the weather, of course he’s not going… What a surprise, I’m sure he’s s-surprised as well… it hailed all of the s-sudden after all, right…”
Kagura doesn’t tell him that it wasn’t a surprise at all, it’s precisely because of that, that Hijikata agreed to go today.
Gintoki ruffles his head to get rid of the snow. Kagura and Shinpachi can only watch in silence as the man pats the snow off him, from his already damp clothes, his face that doesn’t look straight at the two of them, ruffling at his hair again one last time.
“Ah, Kagura-chan, can you.. give this to him?” Gintoki hands her the thing that he’s been protecting all this time inside his already-icy jacket, he’s sure that he already squashed it from how much he was trying to keep himself from the cold.
Kagura takes the item. They both go on separate ways; Shinpachi and Gintoki heading back to the Shimura’s, while Kagura heads for the Yorozuya.
The girl comes home and hands the frozen bouquet of roses to Hijikata without any words.
Hijikata checks for the front porch every morning, it’s starting to be a habit or some sort, but it’s been a couple days that the permhead isn’t showing himself up like usual. Hijikata wonders, maybe Gintoki finally realizes, maybe that’s why he’s stopped coming.
“I’m going out.” Kagura exclaims from the entryway, already opening the door. Hijikata pokes his head out from the living room.
“Where are you heading?” She’s been going out a lot lately. It’s not that she’s confined to the house and can’t play with kids around the town, she’s more than free to hang around the place. But she’s been out more than she’s been at the house lately and Hijikata is curious, to say the least.
“I’m seeing Gin-chan.”
Ah.
“Right, he hasn’t been here… He finally gives up?”
“Nope. He’s just been sick for days now.” She closes the door, leaving behind Hijikata to stand alone in the apartment.
Gintoki hasn’t come lately because he’s sick. It’s because of that blizzard, isn’t it? Of course it is.
Of course it is.
Hijikata stands there in silence for a while, before changing his clothes for a thicker kimono to head outside.
Gintoki is still delirious in terms of consciousness, he’s still recovering from the hypothermia and is firmly told by Otae to remain in bed until he’s fully recovered. At first, he wanted to go outside right away, he needs to visit Hijikata after all. But remembering the reason why he’s bedridden right now makes his body loses its energy instantly. His heart sinks when he remembers Kagura’s words. Hijikata won’t come; no matter how much he tries to think positively about it, his heart won’t stop sinking at that thought.
There’s no any other thing inside his head, he doesn’t feel anything else particular other than the conscious feeling that makes you want to clutch your heart and stop it from sinking futher; because truth be told, Gintoki honestly doesn’t even feel remotely angry or anything about it. He’s only filled with the overwhelming sense of wanting to be with Hijikata.
He knows he’d go there again the moment his body is better, he knows he’ll be asking the same question over and over again because it’s the only thing that he has in his head and heart.
Gintoki sighs and closes his eyes back to sleep.
When he wakes up again, there’s a person sitting next to his futon. He thought it was Shinpachi at first, his eyes snap open when he realizes who it is.
“Hi—”
“You feeling better?”
Gintoki sits up straight immediately. “O-Of course!! Seeing Yorozuya-san coming here to visit Gin-san,” He grins wide and flexes his arm, patting at the bicep proudly. “Gin-san is immediately cured!”
He’s not lying, he really feels a lot better just by seeing Hijikata here.
“Having Yorozuya-san himself here, ah~ I’m so happy~”
Hijikata only stares silently at him. Gintoki finds that intense blue eyes incredibly beautiful.
“Ah, about the date, well, since we didn’t get to go the other day, can we set up another one? We’ll make sure it’s on a good weather so nothing like before could happen, yeah?” Hijikata watches Gintoki rubs the back of his neck nervously.
He swallows before he speaks.
“Why do you do this,”
“Huh?”
“Every day, even when I lie to you again and again—Why do you still want to go out with me so much?”
Gintoki at loss, his eyes fixated on the painful look on Hijikata’s face. It looks like he’s about to cry.
“That’s because I want to be with you. I…” Gintoki could only stare at the twitch on Hijikata’s face, he’s really going to cry, isn’t he? “I can’t help this feeling of wanting to be with you. I want to see you every day, I want to wake up next to you, I…”
Gintoki stares at the tears welling on Hijikata’s eyes. “I think I love you.”
Hijikata rubs his eyes with the heel of his palm and looks away. For some reason, no matter how much he wants to embrace Hijikata right now, Gintoki’s body won’t move even an inch. “I want to go out with you, hell—I want to marry you, Hijikata.”
“… —can’t..”
Gintoki blinks. “Why?”
“I’m already married.”
Everything sinks all at once for Gintoki, it feels like being dropped from the highest building in Edo, free-falling into a bottomless chasm. He’s still not able to move.
“I… see…”
Gintoki looks down as well, his cold palms laying flat on the futon and he stares at his fingers.
“—to you… I’m married to you.”
Red eyes shoot up immediately, widens at the sudden declaration.
Hijikata kneels on his side, prostrating on the futon.
“We’re married. I’m married to you.” Gintoki reaches to get Hijikata up from the position but the man refuses to budge, still bowing his head down. “We were in a huge fight—I told you to leave the house” Our house. “Then you got hit by a car, you lost your memory— I…”
Gintoki pries Hijikata up again, this time really forcing him to get up because his heart cannot let the man that he loves so much be in such position anymore.
Hijikata gets up, leaning his head on Gintoki’s chest. “We lied—..I lied… I told them to say that you work for the Shimura dojo, I told Shinpachi to keep an eye on you—I’m… —Gintoki, I—”
He pulls Hijikata close, wrapping his arms around him and finally embracing him fully.
“Gin—”
“I’m glad.” He buries his face into Hijikata’s shoulder. “I’m glad that I love you so much. I’m glad that we’re actually together.”
“But—”
“I’m so sorry, Hijikata. I’m really sorry. Please forgive me—I’ll remember, I’ll do everything to remember again, please let me come home.”
Hijikata grips hard at Gintoki’s clothes, burying himself further. “I’m the one who should be asking for your forgiveness—”