Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kate wakes up, the moon full and high above the clouds, and she gasps. Her heart feels like it’s being ripped out of her chest and her blood feels as if it’s turned to lava in her veins.

“Mother!” Is the first thing she cries out, throwing her covers to the side and rushing out of her room down the hall.

Her bare feet skid against the cold floor and she grips the wall for support, tears already streaming down her face.

She stops at the door to her parent’s room, breathing heavy and feeling faint, and finds her father weeping over the form of her mother in bed. Just a form, just a body, she already knows and doesn’t have to ask. She can feel that she’s gone, felt it the moment she left the world.

“God has failed us, Katie, your mama is gone.”

Kate’s legs finally give way, her body collapsing to the ground as she cries out for her mother.

Her tears feel like fire on her cheeks, and her hands have begun to shake. Her father looks up from her mother and stares at her, horrified. “Kate, you’re – you’re glowing.”

Kate looks down at herself, at how her skin has turned the color of sunlight, as if she’d swallowed the sun and it was emanating from within her. “Daddy, please –“

But her father is backing away, off the bed and cowering in the corner.

The last thing she sees is her mother’s body glowing faintly and then fading into a dull blue before a shards of light burst from inside of Kate.

--

Her mother had taken too much medicine accidentally and passed away. That’s what the doctor said, anyway.

Kate knew her mother had left this world willingly, had wanted to leave it for a while.

Kate’s father makes a speech to the congregation listing the wonderful things Jennifer Fuller had done for her community, the beautiful person she was.

He doesn’t mention how she used to weep herself to bed at night, how she barely spoke to her family and retreated so far inside herself no one could pull her out. He doesn’t talk about how she’d asked for help and her husband had only pointed upwards to the Lord.

Jacob Fuller doesn’t talk about how the Lord has failed them all.

Kate sits in her black dress in the front pew, face solemn but not crying. She feels drained, empty, sad beyond belief but still not able to cry.

Kate stands next to her father at the front of the church after the service, next to her mother’s coffin. She thanks everyone for being there, accepting their apologies. She thinks to herself that they have nothing to apologize for, and at once wants to put the blame on everyone for not seeing that her poor mother needed someone’s help.

Her brother Scott doesn’t say anything, just stands silently next to her avoiding everyone’s gaze. She knows he’s like their mother the way he retreats into himself.

“You okay?” She whispers towards him, but he ignores her. Of course he’s not okay, she knows that, but she wants to know what’s happening inside his head.

Her father motions for her to follow him, and her and Scott walk slowly outside to get ready to watch her mother’s body be lowered into the ground.

This part Jacob asked that only family be present for, it being a personal moment for only those who knew her best. Kate tries not to scoff, thinks that no one really knew Jennifer Fuller at all.

There’s just her, her father and her brother, and the few people there to lower the casket. Kate feels a cold breeze blow past, making her bare legs beneath her dress break out into gooseflesh. She looks around her, feeling almost like she’s being watched. Whips her hair out of her face and turns to look at her father, who’s gazing at her like he’s trying to find something.

“There’s nothing left to say about your mama, kids. Nothing that I or anyone who knew her hasn’t already said. I –“Jacob’s voice breaks, he looks down at the ground and shakes his head. “I miss her like a part of myself. She was an angel on earth, a soul lost too soon.” Jacob wipes a hand over his face and sighs. He nods towards the man holding the crane and Kate watches as her mother is lowered into the cold soil of the earth.

She reaches over and grabs Scott’s hand, surprised that he grips hers back. They both stare at the cherry wood casket, Scott squeezing her hand harder and harder.

The moment the crane stops, a pain so sharp stings Kate’s heart that she falls forward, down to her knees on the ground. She cries out in pain and grips at the ground.

“Katie!” Her father yells, but Kate throws up a hand to stop him coming towards her.

“Don’t!” Is all she can say before she feels her eyes roll back in her head, sees nothing but black before a burst of impossible color.

She can hear her father and her brother yelling her name, but all Kate can feel is a thudding inside her. Like the heartbeat of the earth itself. It’s loud and echoes in her ears, drums through her body relentlessly. Kate’s fingers claw into the grass, her body seizing up as she hears her mama call to her.

“I’m sorry, Katie-cakes. I’m so sorry. It’s all yours now, I hope the power doesn’t kill you like it did me.”

Kate is shaking, can feel her skin break with sweat. “Mama!” She screams, and she can see her.

Sees her standing in a long white dress, her arms stretched in front of her, streams of colored light jetting from her hands. She’s outside, rain pouring down over her but she doesn’t look wet. Lightening sparks and thunder claps behind her, tree limbs breaking and falling to the ground as frightened animals run past her. She looks beautiful and frightening, alive and yet otherworldly. Kate knows this is her mother after life, somewhere that Kate herself can’t go.

Her mother looks straight forward and Kate feels like she’s looking into her eyes. “Use it for good, my Kate. Don’t let it use you.”

Kate screams out, her body thrumming with pain, before it’s all over and she’s left breathing hard staring up at her father.

“It’s the devil.” Is the first thing she hears him say as her blurred vision sharpens and her hearing clears. “The devil has touched this family and left his dark mark on my girl.”

Kate gasps as he grabs her, gripping her shoulders and holding her close. Scott looks down at the both of them like he doesn’t know what to say as Jacob cries out up to the heavens. “She doesn’t deserve this, Lord, none of us do!” He pulls her head into his chest and sobs. “You have to hide this, Katie. You must hide it from everyone.”

All around them, flowers have bloomed from the earth. Lilies and roses, tulips and marigolds, a fragrant pattern of rainbow carpets the ground.

Kate feels full, feels like the cold breeze of the day is coming from deep inside her soul. She feels the tears she couldn’t cry before stream from her eyes like waterfalls, just as the sky cracks and rain pours down onto the Fullers.

Kate looks over at her mother’s casket dotted with water, and squeezes her eyes shut as her father screams towards an unresponsive God.

--

After her mother is buried, it’s almost as if Jennifer Fuller never existed. Her father doesn’t talk about her, Scott shuts Kate out along with all of his friends, and no one in town wants much to do with her family since Jacob left the church. They’re all nice to her face, but she hears what they say about how weak her father is and how he can’t be fit enough to take care of his family on his own.

The fact is they’re not wrong. Jacob spends his day in his shed, working on his furniture. Too often he comes into the house smelling of scotch, and Kate tries to tell him it’s dangerous to drink and work with his machinery but he just tells her he’s been doing it longer than she’s been alive.

When Scott’s not in school he stays in his room drawing all day, and ignores Kate.

Neither of them will talk to her, nor even acknowledge, what happened to her the night her mama died or the day she was buried. Her daddy tells her to pray every night, and to go to church every day. He hasn’t seen the inside of a church since the funeral, so if Kate’s supposed to believe he still has any faith left, she doesn’t.

As it is, since Kate has no one else to talk to about what happened, she tries to forget about it altogether. But she can’t, not really, especially at night when she shuts her eyes and sees her mama’s face yelling at her from the beyond.

Kate spends more and more time alone.

She tries to keep in touch with her friends, and she talks to them during classes, but afterwards she’s more content to go walking in the woods and think her thoughts.

Kate has always enjoyed nature but ever since her mom passed she’s only felt calm when she’s outside. Getting lost among the trees, feeling the wind on her skin and hearing the birds singing. There’s no way she can describe how it makes her feel other than like she’s much more alive.

One day Kate gets lost in the maze of her thoughts during a walk on a brisk afternoon. Before she knows it she’s come about a house. She looks around, confused as to where she has wound up. It feels as if she’s been walking forever and at the same time for not very long.

The house is very small, almost hidden behind an arch made by two incredibly large elm trees. It looks like a picture out of a children’s book, and Kate can’t help be curious.

Kate walks beneath the arch, her feet crunching the leaves on the ground. Once past, she feels almost like a door shuts behind her, but when she turns the opening is still there. Kate looks back at the house, which she sees is more of a cabin now that she’s closer to it.

It at once looks lived in and also somehow totally abandoned. Kate knows she should turn back and go home but there’s something about the place that’s pulling at her, making her walk up to the door. She turns the knob and is surprised to find it unlocked, steps inside without a second thought.

Inside it’s quite beautiful, rough wood furniture all over the place almost as if the whole house was carved from the hollow of a tree.

“Hello?” Kate calls out, although she can already tell there’s no one there. It seems to only have two main rooms, a front room with a living area, breakfast table, and some cookery. Beyond that she can see into the bedroom and there’s no one there. She could check the bath but Kate can feel no other presence in the house.

There’s something about it that makes her feel safe and almost serene. Kate looks around, admiring all the knick knacks and odd things nailed all over the walls. Ephemera torn from books and tacked up, records and a player on an old chest in the corner. She peers over the titles of books on a large shelf, most of them looking old and dusty. They all seem to have something to do with nature, some of the words make no sense to Kate.

She hooks her finger over one spine and pulls, gasping when it falls to the floor and hovers an inch above it. Kate quickly bends down to grab it, knowing no one’s around to see but still ready to hide it anyway.

She takes a breath and opens the cover to find it’s handwritten, with strange pictures and diagrams in the margins. Kate thumbs through a few pages, coming to a stop on what looks like a recipe but not for any food she’d like to eat.

She studies the handwriting closer, the curls and lines looking oddly familiar to her, but as she tries to place it she’s startled by a sound outside.

Suddenly she feels like she’s being watched, and Kate panics. She runs for the door, slamming it behind her and making her way back out of the arched trees without looking back.

It’s not until she’s back home, breathless and sides sore, that she realizes she’s still gripping the book in her hands.

--

Kate wakes up that night to her brother standing over her looking horrified.

“Scott? What’s wrong?” She rubs a hand over her eyes, yawning. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“What the hell are you doing?” He sounds confused and angry.

Kate sits up, looking over at her clock and gasps at the sight of it floating above her nightstand. She looks around her room to see everything is levitating. Her perfume bottles and her magazines, her books and her entire dresser. Kate looks down and sees that she herself is floating, blanket hanging down at her sides.

In less than a second, everything drops.

Some of the bottles break, and the furniture hitting the floor makes a loud noise. It doesn’t take long for her dad to come storming in.

“What is going on in here? You two alright?” His eyes are wide and he looks right at Kate.

Scott looks at her, and Kate shakes her head, pleading for him to stay quiet with her eyes. He just shrugs at their father. “I was, I was taking some perfume to give to Beth at school. Kate caught me.”

Jacob just sighs, running a hand over his face. “Son, you know the Bible teaches us not to steal. Now apologize to your sister.”

Scott looks down at her like he’s looking at a completely different person. “Sorry.”

“You two need to go back to sleep.” Jacob says, Kate noticing his words are slightly slurred. He shuts the door and Kate waits until she hears his own bedroom door close.

“Scott –“

“Save it. I should have told dad what really happened.”

“Why are you so angry with me? Daddy is shutting us out, but you don’t have to! We need to stick together.” Kate can’t yell at him like she wants so she whispers sharply.

“I don’t know who you are anymore. Maybe dad’s right, maybe the devil has touched you.”

Kate shuts her eyes, feeling hot tears push behind them. “Scott, please. I don’t know what’s happening to me but I’m still your sister.”

Scott turns to look at her with a pained expression. “You were never really my sister. This has never really been my family.”

“Don’t say that!” She calls, but he’s already left her room.

Kate lays back in bed, clutching her pillow and trying not to cry. She’s never felt more confused or more alone.

She opens her eyes and looks at the glowing full moon outside her window, counting backwards until the burning urge to cry stops. Kate hears the call of a wolf from far away as she finally drifts into a restless sleep.

--

Kyle is not a very good kisser.

Not that Kate has anyone else to compare him to, but she still thinks that after watching people do it in movies and television, even reading about it in books, that he’s just not doing it right.

He kisses her now and Kate doesn’t feel the thrill she expected when she used to dream about kissing a boy. It’s not horrible, it’s nice enough but that’s it. Just nice.

He pulls back and smiles at her, brushing a lock of her hair behind her ear. “Missed that.”

Kate smiles back, nodding. “Me too.”

Kyle had been off with his family for a month, only talking to Kate through letters. Kate hadn’t been good with keeping up writing him back, but he said he understood because of what had happened with her mom.

They’d snuck off after school, driving deep into a dirt road in his truck before pulling off to the side. Kate lay back against a sack of flour in the truck bed, Kyle hovering over her. “Thought about you every day.” He presses his lips to hers again, sweetly, and Kate kisses back just as sweet.

“Me too.”

There’s nothing wrong with Kyle. He’s a perfectly nice boy, the kind she should be going to dances with and introducing to her daddy. He’s not the kind to push or pressure a girl, like some boys at school she’s heard about. He’s religious and smart, cute and kind. But when Kate thinks about him she doesn’t see a future with him. She sees nothing, just sweet kisses and the same Psalms passed to her in notes between classes in the hallways.

Which is what Kate thought she always wanted, honestly, but recently it all just sounds sort of boring.

Kate bites her lip and presses at his shoulder, pushing him to sit back. “What about at night? Did you think about me then?”

He grins and nods slowly. “Of course. Said a prayer for you before bed, every night.”

Kate frowns a little but she just pushes further, sliding her leg over his and straddling his thighs. “Is that it? You didn’t think about me?”

Kyle chuckles nervously, hands gripping the air next to her hips. “Kate, what are you doing?”

She just shrugs, slipping her hand around the back of his neck and leaning down. “Just trying something new.” She kisses him, slipping her tongue past his lips. Kyle gasps, and she strokes her tongue over the tip of his own.

He starts to kiss back, though still sort of tense beneath her. Kate settles down, sitting over his crotch, and Kyle jumps, gripping her at her waist and pushing her off. “What’s gotten into you?”

A while ago Kate might have wanted to cry at the look Kyle was giving her, but now she was just angry. “Kissing my damn boyfriend, I thought!” She spits at him, grabbing her bag and standing to get out of the truck.

“Kate wait, it’s just. Good church going girls don’t act like that.” She can tell he’s trying to turn it into a joke, but it doesn’t feel that way.

She turns and glares at him. “Act like what? Whores?”

Kyle rolls his eyes. “I didn’t say that. I just, I like you the way you are. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

Kate just sighs, jumping down from the cab and adjusting the strap at her shoulder. “I really appreciate that Kyle, but I wasn’t.”

“Kate, wait! Let me drive you!”

“Just forget it! I want to be alone!” She calls back, running along the dirt road, dust kicking up at her heels.

He catches up with her at the turn in, and she stops, looking up at him. “I’m walking home, I’ll be fine. I walked myself home every day you were gone.”

“Kate, please. I love you. I’m sorry I freaked out, I just. I wasn’t prepared for that.”

She nods, really understanding but still not wanting to talk. “I get it. I just want to be alone.” She repeats, and Kyle finally relents.

“Fine. Just call me when you get home, okay?”

Kate nods, and waits for him to drive away before she turns in the opposite direction of her house.

She walks between the trees, trying to calm herself by breathing in the sweet scent of pine in the air. It’s getting colder outside, autumn fast approaching and it’s Kate’s favorite time of year. It seems to be a time when everything just calms down, nature included.

She stops at the edge of a small brook, kneeling down on the ground and pulling out the book she took from the house beyond the arched trees.

Technically she stole it, but when Kate holds it in her hands it doesn’t feel that way.

She lays it on her lap and turns the pages, trying not to think about Kyle. Tries to push away the thought that she’s unwanted, that he doesn’t want to touch her. She knows he’s only concerned with the Lord and doing his work, but he’s also a teenage boy and she thought he’d want to mess around anyway.

Kate feels like she can feel the blood flowing through her veins as she tries to make sense of the words in the book. They’re clearly all spells, titled at the top with directions underneath. Someone could mistake the book for a notebook of ideas for a novel but as Kate looks through it she can feel that whoever wrote it took the whole thing seriously.

“Magic.” Kate whispers out loud. “Witches.” Something about actually vocalizing the words makes Kate feel less crazy. Thinks there has to be an explanation for what she can do. The levitating, the flowers blooming from nothing. Her mother communicating with her after her death, looking like a powerful being instead of a housewife.

Kate was always taught that stuff like this, magic, was evil. But the spells don’t look that way, they all seem to be about pulling energy from nature and using it for good. Using it to heal.

Kate eyes a paper cut on the back of her hand, still fresh from last period science, and rips a few pieces of grass from the ground. She sets them over the cut and sighs.

“Maybe I am crazy.” She mumbles, but whispers the words on the page in front of her anyway.

She closes her eyes, repeating the spell to heal broken skin over and over until she’s only saying it in her mind. The words seem to echo around her, bouncing off the trunks of the trees and skipping over the running water of the brook.

Kate gasps, opening her eyes and looking down at her hand. The skin is smooth, no cut to be found.

“Oh, God.” She runs her finger over her skin and shivers.

“Kate? Are you alright?”

Kate turns, startled and scared, and without meaning to a bolt of light shoots from her outstretched palm. The person cries out, falling back against the forest floor, and Kate gasps.

It’s someone from her church, one of her friend’s fathers, clutching at his fishing equipment and looking up at her in terror. He doesn’t seem hurt, but there’s singe marks in the front of his hair.

“Oh God, I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you. I – I – “

“Get the hell away from me!” The man yells, struggling to stand up.

“Let me help you, I don’t know what happened –“

“I know what happened, we all know your family ain’t right now. People saw what happened that day after your mama’s funeral, the way you grew that circle of flowers out of nowhere. You’ve been gripped by the devil.”

Kate tries to stop him as he leaves but he pushes her back and she shrieks, falling against a tree. “Don’t touch me, demon!”

Kate watches him go, her hands shaking as hot tears stream down her cheeks. Her stomach feels like it’s full of lead, her heart pounding like the beat of a drum. She’s never felt so frightened.

All she can think about is her father and Scott, and she gathers her things, running as fast as she can to get to them.

By the time she gets home, she’s almost convinced herself everything will be okay. Maybe her dad doesn’t know, maybe no one will believe that man. Think that he’s just a town crazy, making up stories about demons. It’s happened before.

But this time he’s not wrong about what he saw, about what Kate did. Kate herself isn’t even sure of what she did, or what she is.

As she walks inside, she can tell something is wrong. Kate finds her father sitting in the living room, looking at her with tears in his eyes.

“Daddy –“Kate says, her voice shaking.

“You need to leave.”

Kate actually steps back as if she’s been slapped. “What?”

Jacob stands, shaking his head. “Michael’s been around, he was ranting and raving. Says you almost killed him in the woods today.”

“That’s not what happened! Daddy, I don’t – I don’t know what happened but I didn’t hurt him!”

Jacob grabs her shoulders and Kate flinches, almost afraid of him. “Listen to me. They want to take you to the church. They want to…” He shuts his eyes like the words are too much to say.

“Daddy, you’re scaring me.” Kate says, a sob stuck in her throat.

He looks up at her and he looks almost soulless. “They want to perform a ceremony. They think the devil is inside you, Katie.” He lets her go then, almost like he believes it himself. “I’ve seen them try it before. It’s –“

“You can’t let them!”

“It’s almost killed people! And I can’t stop it! You’re in danger here, sweetheart. And you’re a danger to us.”

Kate does sob, but it comes out like a laugh. “You can’t be serious. Where will I go?”

Jacob takes out his wallet, shoving a wad of hundreds at Kate, what has to be the last of their savings. She looks at it like it’s coated in poison, looks at her father like he’s someone she’s never met.

“We could all leave, you me and Scott.” Kate whispers, voice small.

“They’d follow us. Katie I’m going to tell them you died. Killed yourself because you were too scared of what you might do. They might not believe me, but I can keep them at bay here.”

Kate reaches out for him, licking tears from her lips and gasping. “Daddy –“

There’s a harsh loud knocking at the door then, someone banging on it with both fists and calling out for Jacob.

“You have to go, Katie-cakes. You have to run.”

Kate wants scream at him to be sensible but then the door bangs open and she hears the voices of a group of men in their house.

“Go, Kate. Go!”

Kate grabs her bag and heads for the backdoor, pushing the screen open and hearing it slam behind her as she runs into the cold embrace of the night.

She runs through the woods somehow, even though it’s pitch black and she can barely see. It’s almost like the forest makes a way for her. Kate runs until she can’t breathe, until her lungs feel like they’re full of water. Keeps going until her legs are screaming at her to stop, balls of her feet pounding with pain. It’s only when she sees no lights, just the glow of the moon above her and the glimmer of owl’s eyes in the sky does she stop and try to calm herself.

Kate kneels, gasping until her vision isn’t blurred and her chest isn’t burning so much anymore. When she looks up, she’s not completely surprised to see the wood cabin, or to look back and see the archway made of two trees.

Kate manages to make her way inside, to shut the door behind her, before she collapses to the floor and falls into a fitful sleep. She dreams of her mother, and of a running wolf’s paws hitting the ground.

--

Kate wraps her blanket around herself as she makes her way to the nearest brook. The early winter has chilled the air and powdery snow coats the whole forest. She bends, hovering her fingers above the water and tugging out a stream into her pitcher. Kate waits until it’s full and stands, turning to head back to her cabin.

The past three months Kate’s done nothing but study her book and practice her magic. She can finally call it that, only just accept that she herself is a witch. She’s not sure if she was always meant to be one, or if her powers were given to her by her mother. Sometimes she thinks they were just somehow activated by her death but Kate’s still not sure and with no one to tell her right or wrong, she doesn’t think she ever will be.

Kate’s sure her mother was a witch, has come to figure that the church tried to fix her and it didn’t take. She wants to be angry at her mother for not warning her sooner about what might happen to her, about leaving her without answers, but Kate knows it won’t ease her mind. She wants to think about her mother in happier times, so she does.

Kate still can’t forgive her father, however. Even if she can almost understand his actions, she still thinks they were cowardly. Kate wonders if her brother knows what really happened or if he believes she would really kill herself. She tries not to think about them, and when she does, she just prays for them.

It’s getting dark and Kate picks up her pace back home. She’s pretty sure no one knows where to find her, but she doesn’t like to stray too far from where she feels safe. Every day Kate practices her spells but she’s had trouble getting down the defensive ones. She knows she needs to learn them but they don’t come as easily to her as the healing or borrowing spells.

Behind her a twig snaps, and Kate turns, spilling a bit of her water over her feet. She makes a noise at the cold splash hitting her through the hem of her skirt, and bites her bottom lip, stilling. Her eyes rake over the scene behind her as she tries to see if anyone is following her against the gray dusk.

Kate turns and walks faster, gripping the basin and curling her other hand, ready to strike out if she has to. Her heart feels like it’s in her throat, the way back home seeming further and further.

She stumbles, reaching out and balancing against a large tree, catching her breath. She’s ready to drop the water and run, takes one more step and screams as something comes running into her.

Kate falls to the ground, the basin shattering into pieces as the beast snarls above her. It’s a wolf, drool falling from its bared teeth and dripping down over her face. She struggles to throw out a defensive spell but her hand throbs, a piece of porcelain stuck in the middle of her palm. She cries out just as another dark blur comes barreling out of the trees and slams into the wolf, throwing it off of Kate.

She stares wide eyed as a charcoal gray wolf bites into the black wolf’s throat, the sound of bones snapping and flesh ripping sharp in the air.

For some reason Kate doesn’t run, feels frozen to the spot as she watches the scene before her. Once the black wolf folds in to the ground, dead, the charcoal wolf turns and looks at her.

She gasps, flinching and shuffling backwards over the cold ground. The wolf stops, hanging its head, but staring at her like he’s trying to tell her something.

Kate stares back, panting clouds of hot breath into the air, looking at the bloody face of the wolf. Fur matted, red dripping from his mouth into the snow.

It’s then that she can feel the wolf’s energy change, feel it trying to speak to her.

Kate blinks, seeing a dark haired man standing naked before her, and when she blinks against sees only the wolf.

“Oh my God.” Her voice shakes, disbelief trying to edge out the reality in front of her. But she can feel that there’s a real human man trapped inside the wolf’s body. In her heart she can feel how alone and desperate he is.

The wolf inches closer, ducking his nose at her. Kate licks her chapped lips, slowly holding out her unwounded hand to him.  

He whines, cries deep from within his throat, and Kate passes two shaking fingers over his head.

Her eyes roll into her head, images flashing furiously through her mind. The forest floor passes in a blur beneath her as she runs, blood spurts from beneath her jaw as she tears into a rabbit, she snarls at another wolf feeling the urge to kill. Through all of it is the feeling of being wrong, of being frightened and lonely. Of being trapped.

Kate pulls away, breathing harder and her heart feeling like it’s beating hard enough to echo through the forest. The wolf is looking back at her almost like it can’t believe she exists.

She’s so unnerved, whole body shaking, that when an owl cries out in the distance she jumps, a bolt of light stabbing out from her hand. Luckily she pulls away from the wolf in time, but when she turns back, he’s gone.

--

Kate returns home that night and reads through every change spell in her book. When she doesn’t find anything helpful in there, she turns to her library.

It’s small, but Kate has found that every book in the cabin relates to witchcraft in some way, something she failed to notice the first time she found it. It’s obvious to her now that a witch lived here before, explains the way the entrance is protected and why she feels safe inside. She’s sure it’s not a coincidence that she found the haven when she did, but was led to it somehow.

She spends the night pouring over spells until she falls asleep at her table. Makes tea with the small amount of water she has left and only notices her hand hurting when she picks up her cup. Kate quickly heals her wound and goes back to studying.

It might be crazy but Kate feels compelled to try and help him. When she closes her eyes she can feel the dark loneliness that clouds his heart, the way he’s screaming to be seen for who he really is. It’s something she can relate to, it’s something she wish someone would have ever tried to see in her.

It’s not for another two nights of reading and practicing, using a few kind crickets as test subjects, that she feels confident enough to go out and find the werewolf.

Kate almost wants to laugh at the idea. She’s only read about them in fiction or seen them in movies or tv, but then she’s also a witch so she doesn’t have any room left for skepticism.

She returns to the clearing where he saved her, bends down and sees the broken porcelain embedded in the snow.

Kate looks around, squinting into the darkness. She’s not sure why he’d come back after she scared him off, but she hopes to find him here.

It seems like it takes forever, but soon she hears footsteps cracking in the snow. Kate looks up and sees him, slowing padding toward her.

Kate smiles, holding out her hand. “Hi.” Her voice just above a whisper. “I’m sorry I scared you the other night. I’m not good at controlling myself when I’m scared.”

He stills, dark eyes looking up at her in wonder.

“I want to help you.” Kate kneels, turning her hand, palm facing the night sky. “I think I can make you human.”

She can feel his energy shift, feel him open his mind to her. Kate can sense his confusion, and she bites her lip. “I can’t promise it will work. I’ve practiced, but I’m so new to all of this.”

The wolf dips his head down and licks at her palm, and Kate’s smile widens. “Okay. Give me your paw. Hand. Please.”

The wolf raises his paw, and Kate grips it gently. She shuts her eyes, beginning by mouthing the words she’d memorized. Soon she’s whispering them in a chant, raising her voice louder and louder until she’s calling out to the moon to please change the wolf’s form.

Kate can feel herself drawing energy from the earth. Pulling from the ground and the roots of the trees, from the animals running through the woods. She pulls from the wind and from the water in the snow, borrows from all around her and keeps chanting for the moon.

Kate sees a light start to form behind her eyelids and she opens them to see the wolf begin to glow. She doesn’t stop to take a breath, just keeps calling out. Over and over, faster and faster as he disappears fully inside a pale yellow orb. Soon she feels his paw shift in her grip, feels it change. Before long it feels like a hand is gripping hers right back, hanging on for dear life.

Kate feels her energy weaken, feels nature breaking its tether, and the orb shatters into a fine dust. It falls and shimmers all over the ground, and Kate looks past it to see a man standing naked before her. The same man she saw inside the wolf the other night, now human, now looking back at her with disbelieving eyes.

Kate gasps, covering her mouth as her chest fills up with a small giggle of excitement. “Oh my God.”

The man opens his mouth, voice starting as a growl before he coughs and swallows.

Kate bends and pulls a blanket from her bag, handing it out to him. “Hi.” She says, not knowing what else to say in this situation. “My name is Kate.”

He looks down at the blanket and curls his hand around it, learning how to use his fingers. He takes it, holding it against his chest and tries his voice again. “Seth.” It cracks, and he clears it once more. “My name is Seth.”

He smiles at her, and Kate giggles again.

Chapter Text

Kate doesn’t know what to say as she leads Seth back to her hideaway.

She’s offered him to come stay with her, because he has nowhere to go and was a wolf just mere minutes ago. It’s so absurd Kate wants to laugh, but she doesn’t want Seth to think she’s laughing at him.

He follows, of course. Kate looks back to see him watching her with wonder, blanket wrapped around him, feet leaving marks in the snow. Kate winces, having forgotten about shoes, but the cold doesn’t seem to be affecting him very much.

Kate pauses as they get to the twin trees. She wonders if he’ll be able to pass, since Kate feels it’s only a place for witches. She looks at Seth and smiles.

“Do you want to come in?”

He opens his mouth to speak, but stops like he’s afraid it won’t sound right. He nods instead.

Kate takes his hand and he makes this noise she can’t describe, but it makes her grin. She leads him past the arch with no problem. Maybe it’s only to keep out people who mean her harm, or people or aren’t or were never supernatural.

Once inside, Kate sheds her coat and leaves it on a nearby chair. Glances over at Seth standing sheepishly in his blanket near the door and has to hold back another laugh. “Um, let me find you some clothes.”

The house seems to provide for her, in a way. She still has to find fresh water and some food, but there were things in the pantry when she arrived and clothes in the closet. Mostly things that seemed to be of another century but Kate didn’t really mind, the dresses were really pretty in a classic way. Kate manages to find a few button up shirts and pants for men, but still no shoes. She frowns and grabs some socks, wondering if they’re men’s and deciding it doesn’t really matter.

As she passes the fireplace she waves her hand and the logs light up. Seth starts, and stares at her.

“Oh, I’m sorry! Did I scare you?” Kate holds the clothes close to her chest, feeling like an idiot.

Seth just looks at the fire, then back at her and shakes his head. Clears his throat. “I-it’s so crazy. What you do. But good.” He shuts his eyes and sighs, like he knows he sounds slow.

Kate just grins, feeling relief and surprise that he isn’t afraid of her powers. She holds out the clothes to him. “Thank you. Um, this is all I could find. Hope it’s alright.”

Seth takes the bundle and lets the blanket drop. Kate gasps and turns around quickly, her face pinking up.

“Oh. Sorry.” Seth says, and Kate glances back to see him holding the clothes in front of himself. She’d seen him naked before, but not so close up. Not in her home, in such an intimate setting. Kate notices his tattoo, something he must have gotten before he became a wolf, flames winding themselves up his right arm. Suddenly Kate feels like the fire is stifling her a little.

“It’s okay. Um, oh. What’s that?” Kate sees a wound over his left shoulder, where the black wolf from last night must have bit him. It still looks bad, like it hurts and could be infected.

Kate inches closer, reaching out and she can feel Seth relax the closer she gets. She traces her fingers underneath the ripped skin, and Seth’s warm breath huffs over her neck. She looks up to see him watching her intently and feels her stomach flip. “I can help this heal.” Kate says, softly enough to barely be heard.

The corners of Seth’s mouth tug up a little and he nods. “Please.”

Seth changes into the pants but leaves his chest bare. They sit in front of the fire where the light reflects off his skin. Kate sits next to him, cleaning his wound with water and antiseptic as he watches her. Every now and then she glances up to catch his gaze and he looks down.

She works gently, using a cloth to wash away the dirt and blood. It’s silent except for the crack of the flames and their soft breathing. Seth breaks the silence, throat clearing with a wet cough.

“How did you come here?”

Kate looks up. “How did I end up here? Oh.” She takes a breath and washes away more dried blood.

“Sorry.”

“No, no it’s okay. It’s just a sort of strange story. My mother died – killed herself, actually. After that, I started getting these powers and my father… He didn’t handle it well. Neither did the people in my town.” Kate sighs, thinking about her father and wondering if he’s okay in spite of what he did. “I’d found this place before, it was the only place I could go. It’s so odd, it’s like it gives me what I need when I think of it.”

Kate meets his eye to find Seth looking hard at her, listening to everything she says. “I’ve been here alone. Up until now.”

They stare at each other until Kate realizes she’s holding onto his shoulder, her palm touching his bare skin. She pulls back quickly, and Seth shuts his eyes.

After a moment Seth speaks. “I’m sorry. For your mom. I was alone. Too fucking long.”

Kate giggles, Seth speaking so few words but still managing to sneak a curse in there. He smirks at her and then grimaces as she tugs at a piece of loose skin accidentally. “Sorry!”

He shakes his head. “It’s okay. Too weak now.” He smiles again like he’s joking.

Kate doesn’t try to stop herself from looking him up and down. “Doesn’t look like it to me.” She teases, tongue between her teeth, and sees a flash of something in Seth’s eyes that makes her body thrill.

She pretends to ignore it, taking a breath slowly. “How did you end up, um, like that?”

Seth opens his mouth, taking a second and then shaking his head. “I don’t remember.” It looks like it hurts that he doesn’t know, so Kate just apologizes and lets it drop.

“Okay, so. I’ve never done this on someone other than myself. Just relax, okay?”

Seth doesn’t look worried at all. “Yep.”

Kate just smiles, shaking her head. Before she had to use grass to heal herself, but she’s been practicing enough she can heal small cuts without needing it. Good thing since most green life is dead beneath the snow right now.

She shuts her eyes, but she can still feel Seth watching her. Lets her fingertips barely graze the broken skin of his wound, and calls out to the Earth for help. Whispers a chant beneath her breath, and soon she can feel a lightness coursing through her arm down into her hand, webbing out of her fingers.

“Damn.” She hears Seth whisper, and Kate opens her eyes to see a dim light radiating from her fingertips, and his wound closing, fading until it’s just smooth, healthy skin.

Kate drops her hand and meets Seth’s eye. He looks at her with wonder and gratitude. Kate just giggles and Seth smiles back.

After Kate cleans up and feels Seth watching her. “Um, I can make up the couch for you. I mean, you want to stay, right?”

Seth stands, scratching the back of his neck. “Yes. Unless you want me to leave?”

“No! I mean, where would you go? Of course you can stay.” Kate doesn’t want him to leave, either. It feels so good to talk to another person again, to share her magic with someone who doesn’t run away from it. When she looks at Seth she feels lighter, somehow.

Kate brings him blankets and pillows, helps him make the couch into a decent enough place to sleep. “I’m right in the next room. I hope, I mean. I hope it’s comfortable.”

Seth smiles. “Gotta be better than cold ground.”

Kate nods, stepping back towards her bedroom. “Right. Um, I’ll let the fire burn out for you. Like I said, if you need anything.” She feels so awkward. She also doesn’t really want to say goodnight because she’s afraid when she wakes up it’ll have just been a dream, and he’ll be gone.

“Thank you.” He says, and she knows he means it for more than the couch.

Kate nods again, and turns quickly into her room. “Goodnight!” She shuts the door and pulls a face. That could have gone better, but the situation is so odd and Kate is out of her element. Alone with a boy, a man, sleeping in the same small quarters. She feels safe with him, though she knows that’s a stupid way to feel so soon. She just can’t imagine him every doing anything to hurt her, there’s such kindness behind his eyes.

Kate is very aware of changing into her nightgown with him in the next room. Almost like he can sense her bare skin, only lit by the moon. Kate quickly slips under the covers and bites her lip. She breathes in deep and realizes the strangeness of knowing there’s someone else so close breathing at the same time.

Kate falls into her dreams before she knows it, dreams where she’s still a normal girl living at home. Her mama and daddy there, laughing with her over dinner and helping her with her homework. It’s like she’s watching a tv show about someone else’s life. Kate turns to the window in the dream and sees herself, standing there watching her with a dark gray wolf by her side.

--

The warm sunlight from the window kisses Kate’s cheek and is a contrast to the chill of her room. Kate yawns, stretching beneath her covers and making a small noise in the back of her throat. Her eyelids open slowly and that ache of loneliness that usually greets her in the morning is replaced by the realization she’s not alone this time.

Kate sits up, brushing her hair from her face thinking about the man sleeping in her living room. She bites her lip, looking at the space under her door like he’s going to be standing there waiting for her. Nerves flutter around her stomach like moth’s wings and Kate gets out of bed, padding across the cold wood floor towards the door.

She opens it a crack and sees his arm slung over the back of the couch, a soft snoring sound being muffled by pillows. A small giggle catches in her throat and he shifts. Kate shuts the door quickly and sighs.

She’s found this stranger, this lone wolf, and taken him home. Now what is she supposed to do with him? Kate feels awkward for the first time in a while, it’s been a good time since she’s had to interact with anyone.

She changes quickly, slipping into the jeans she had on when she ran away. She’s been wearing skirts and dresses for so long she just wants to be in something familiar. Pulls on a blouse and ties her hair into a loose braid. Kate hasn’t had to worry about what she looks like in a while, either. She frowns at the image in the mirror and decides it’s not getting any better before leaving her bedroom quietly.

Seth is awake, standing in front of her bookshelves and tilting his head to the side, reading the spines. When Kate comes out he turns quickly, facing her with a smile. His hair is a shaggy mess, a sign he got a good night’s sleep.

Kate smiles and crosses the room. “Good morning. How are you feeling?”

Seth nods, stepping closer to her. “Fucking great, to be honest.”

They both laugh and Seth motions towards the books. “You read all these?”

“Some, I haven’t been here more than three months. It’s a lot to take in. Sometimes I have to read each page twice. I wasn’t exactly born knowing what witchcraft is.” Kate thinks of her mother, wonders not for the first time why she never told her about her powers.

She pushes the thought away and looks to the kitchen. “Are you hungry? I don’t have much, just some bread and –“

“Yes. Please, sorry. I’m starving.” Seth grins sheepishly. “Still have a wolf appetite, I guess.”

“Right! Yeah! That makes sense.” Kate gets out bread and cheese, some milk and water. The house seems to provide only the basics, apparently whoever enchanted the place wasn’t big on frills.

Seth still eats like it tastes amazing. Kate watches him eat half the loaf of bread and most of the cheese. She tries to hold back a laugh when he sets down his glass of milk to reveal a mustache over his top lip but she fails.

“What?”

She points to her lip and he shakes his head, smiling. “What is it?”

Kate rolls her eyes. “Oh come on! You know what this means!” She motions again and he shrugs, pretending he has no idea.

Kate just reaches over without thinking and swipes her thumb over his lip, wiping away the milk. Immediately she feels herself flush all over as Seth looks at her through lidded eyes. As if she’s prey, almost, something he wants to devour. Kate gasps and pulls away. Seth looks away and wipes his face with a cloth.

Kate tries to calm herself, heart beating like mad in her chest. She’s never felt this sort of pull from someone in her whole life, but she knows she shouldn’t let her guard down. She trusts Seth, but he’s still a stranger, after all.

“Thanks.” He mumbles, his hair loose and hanging over his eyes.

“Um. Do you want to shower?”

He looks up at her, eyebrow raised.

“I mean, there’s a bath. You could get cleaned up. I can heat the water with my powers.” She smiles, shrugging.

“Wow, it’s been too damn long since I’ve had a real bath.” He licks his lips and wiggles his eyebrows. “I think I have to say yes.”

Kate just laughs, biting her lip and getting up to go get it ready. “You’re a silly wolf.”

She looks back to see him grinning at her and she just shakes her head.

Kate eats a little while he bathes, stomach still too full of nerves to eat much. She reads one of her spell books and thinks again she’d give anything for a novel. It’s not like she doesn’t want to learn as much as she can but sometimes she just wants to lose herself in a world that isn’t her own.

She hears Seth walk in behind her and she turns. His hair is still wet, combed back from his face. His face is still rough with a bit of stubble. He’s wearing another shirt and pants she managed to dig up and Kate can smell him, clean and fresh, as he walks past her to sit.

“Um, better?” He asks, pulling off another bit of bread and popping it in his mouth.

Kate nods, hoping her face isn’t turning pink. “I think so.”

Seth grins, chewing slowly and motioning towards her book. “What are you reading about now?”

Her hands go to her braid and she fiddles with the loose ends of it. “Oh, just levitation.”

He chuckles. “Just levitation?”

“Well, I can already levitate. But sometimes it just happens without me meaning to, so I need to learn to control it better.”

“Can you show me?”

Kate tilts her head and narrows her eyes. “You really want to see?”

“Hey, I didn’t exactly grow up in this type of world either. Meeting a real live witch, that’s pretty fucking cool.” He raises his eyebrows and grins.

Kate just laughs and shrugs. “Um, okay.” She sits up straighter, raising her hands up above the table. She closes her eyes slowly, concentrating on the table and the weight of it. It’s made of wood, so it’s easier to connect with it. Objects that are manmade materials like plastic are more difficult for her to move. Kate can almost feel the energy of the wood when it was alive, pulls from it, connects with it and she feels it shift.

Her eyes open and the table is five feet off the floor, hovering above their heads. Seth is looking up at it like he can’t believe it, laughing and shaking his head. “Christ.”

Kate lets go of the connection slowly, lowering her hands and the table floats back down to the floor before resting there. Kate meets Seth’s eyes and sees him staring at her with wonder. “That’s insane.” He says softly.

Kate shrugs, feeling exposed, but excited to share. “It’s just moving stuff, it’s no big deal.”

“Moving stuff with your mind, Jesus!” Seth laughs again but not like he thinks she’s funny, or a freak, but like he can’t wrap his head around it. Like he can’t believe she doesn’t think what she can do is amazing.

Kate giggles, feels lighter inside. “Um. I can try again?”

Seth waves his hand. “By all means!”

She just smiles and stands. “Get up.”

He pulls a face and does, looking at her with playful suspiscion.

“Close your eyes.”

He does, right away, and even that tiny bit of trust makes her heart beat faster. She reaches out, hesitates, but takes his hands in hers.

Seth breathes out quickly, almost gasping, and she sees him bite at his bottom lip. Kate instantly feels a connection and it shocks her, too. She’s never tried this with a living person before, and the waves of his energy finding her own feel intimate and dizzying. He takes another slow breath and passes his tongue across his lips, shaking his head.

Kate closes her eyes and gently tugs at the connection with her mind. She’s just trying to get them off the ground, but there’s something more there. There’s a sweet gentleness about the whole thing.

Kate tries to focus on lifting them, but she can feel Seth responding. Feels his soul almost awaken and reach out towards her own. She doesn’t have to force it, she just reaches out and feels their energies touch. It’s an instant jolt of sensation, it makes her moan out loud and squeeze his hands harder.

She opens her eyes and sees him staring back at her, lips parted, breathing heavy. They’re both heading up towards the ceiling, and Kate slows them until they’re just bobbing near it. The connection is like nothing she’s ever felt before, it’s not the living but blank touch of a tree. Seth is pulling at her own energy, touching it softly like it’s precious. Kate’s toes curl in midair and she licks her lips. “Seth,” she breathes, her body flushing hot.

Seth just shakes his head like he can’t speak, his chest working fast as he breathes heavy and warm over her face. Their gazes connected, she can see him again as a wolf. Running through the trees, running away from someone. Feels the cold of the snow, the heat of the sun. Feels the way his body screamed out for touch, the way his soul ached for a companion.

Kate is overwhelmed, this feeling incredible but almost too much. She’s embarrassed, didn’t mean for it to happen or for her to see such private things, so she pulls back and instantly feels like she’s lost a part of herself. It almost hurts and Seth cries out. As they float back to the ground quickly Kate yanks her hands away.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t – I don’t know what that was.” She’s breathless, and faint, hands shaking as she keeps clenching between her legs. She feels more than a little exposed, and worried Seth is going to run scared.

Seth just cups her chin and makes her look up at him. He swipes his thumb across her cheek, looking at her with dark eyes. “Kate, I -,” He stops mid-sentence, stumbling back and grimacing.

“Seth?”

He shakes his head, holding out a hand to keep her away. He cries out and squeezes the bridge of his nose, collapsing in on himself to the floor.

“Seth!” Kate kneels beside him and brushes his hair out of his eyes, stroking his cheek. “What is it?”

Seth waits until his breathing has relaxed before he peers up at her. “I – I remember. I remember how I ended up in the woods.”

Chapter Text

Kate’s so close to him, sitting next to him on the couch with a concerned look on her face. His senses are still in overdrive from whatever it was that just happened. He’s seen some crazy shit in his lifetime, obviously, but Kate is something special. He can almost still feel their connection still, just a gentle tug between where they sit.

Seth looks down at his mug of tea that she’d made for him and wills his hands to stop shaking. Something about what they’d just done had hit him full force and made his lost memories tumble out of his mind.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Kate bites her lip, Seth’s eyes follow the indents in her skin. She crosses her legs under her and he feels that pull again.

He nods, nerves churning in his gut at what she’ll say when he’s done talking. Seth doesn’t know why but he would feel like shit if she thought any less of him. Not that she knows him well now, but it feels that way.

“I’ve been a wolf for about five years, now, I think. Before that I was – “, he clears his throat and looks down at the steaming tea again. “I was a criminal. Robbed banks, that kind of thing. Me and Richard, my brother, I liked to think we were the best duo ever. Did the worst kind of shit but we were really good at it.” He chances a look up at Kate and she doesn’t look like she’s about to kick him out, just like she needs to hear more.

“Sometimes we did jobs for people. Didn’t ask too many questions, as long as no one got hurt. Richie… he didn’t care that much, but I did. I’m not a murderer, Kate. I want you to know that.” His voice is breaking, he sets the mug down and his hands grasp out. Kate reaches out and takes his hand in hers, squeezes it.

“It’s okay. I believe you.  Keep talking.” Her voice is hushed, kind and understanding and he doesn’t deserve to have someone treating him this way.

He takes a deep breath and squeezes her hand back, tries to ignore the way it makes his heart beat faster. Seth hasn’t touched someone in so long, whenever Kate even brushes his skin it makes his whole body thrill.

“We took a job from this dude Carlos. He was a fucking asshole, to be honest, but we’d worked with him before and he never gave us too much trouble. He and Richie, I don’t know. They had an unspoken thing I never understood.” Seth remembers the way they could talk with so few words and get so much said. It was unsettling to see, especially since he always thought that was something Richie could only ever do with Seth.

“It was wrong from the start, really. It felt wrong. For one we were literally just stealing a truck. It seemed so petty compared to the stunts we’d pulled in the past. But Richie insisted, and I didn’t really care. Money was money.” Seth looks up at her again sheepishly. “I cared a lot about money before…” He laughs, shaking his head. “I cared more about stealing it than anything else.”

Kate just nods slowly, her brow furrowed in concentration in a way Seth thinks to himself as cute. He tries to push the thought away and focus.

“We get there and we’re supposed to get this thing before its drivers get switched to get it wherever it’s headed. Richie had been acting fucking weird ever since we decided to take this job, and that day he was extra special crazy. Talking to himself, talking to me about shit that didn’t make any sense. I kept telling him to get it together but he was freaking me out.” It’s hard for Seth to admit that. Richie hadn’t been right for a long while, but Seth always pretended everything was fine. Seth was all Richie had, Richie was all he had, really.

“Anyway it’s just not right from the start. We’ve knocked out one driver and Richie’s got a – a gun pulled on the other.” Kate still hasn’t spoken, but Seth feels his face heat up with shame. “He fucking shoots him. That wasn’t the plan. I’m – I’ve done some bad shit in my day, okay. I’ve taken care of myself and my brother, that was always my number one priority. If we were stuck in a jam and the only way out was -,” Seth sighs. “But that wasn’t the case that day. So I’m freaking out and Richie’s just spouting this ‘bigger picture’ bullshit at me. We’re screaming at each other and then I hear this banging from the back of the truck.”

Seth remembers opening the back of the truck and feeling like his guts were going to come out of his mouth. “It was full of girls. They looked… Like death. I turned to Richie and he’s acting like he had no idea but I don’t believe him.” The way he’d looked at his brother then and seen someone he didn’t even know had hit him like a punch to the face.

“I drove the thing to the nearest town and let them go, Richie bitching the whole way. We got into it, even threw a few punches. I left him there and went to see Carlos, told him to take his money and shove it up his ass. But he had this woman with him, fucking beautiful but terrifying. I think –“, Seth just shakes his head, looking at Kate. “She was a witch, like you.”

Kate’s mouth drops open a little, her eyes widening. “Really?”

He nods, remembering the way just looking into the woman’s eyes had made his blood run cold. “But not the same. She was fucking evil. She looked like she would eat you right where you stood. He called her Santanico. She was so angry, ranting and raving about the girls and how she’d needed them. I tried to leave but she slammed all the doors, it felt like the room was about to collapse in on itself. There was all this pressure and I could barely breathe. Her voice was loud and soft at the same time, she was saying all these words that didn’t make sense. A spell. She changed me.”

He grimaces even now remembering how much it had hurt.  Like each cell of his body was shifting, and separating, dying and becoming something else.  “I was in so much pain, I couldn’t stop screaming until my throat didn’t even feel like my own. I heard this howling and realized it was me.”

He’d felt mad. A man stuck in a wolf’s body, it felt like a prison only infinitely worse. “She kept me there, locked up. I don’t know what she had planned for me or if it was just a punishment. I just remember I was so fucking angry, and so hungry. I just paced around and growled, howled every night. Once one of her cronies came to throw me some scraps to get me to shut up and I –“Seth remembers the sweet iron taste of the man’s blood, the way tearing through his flesh made the screaming in his head and the shallowness of his stomach settle.

“Kate, I said, I’m not a good man –“, he pulls his hand away but Kate reaches out with both of her hands and grips his wrist.

“You weren’t even a man. Seth, it’s okay.” Her eyes are sure, her jaw set tight. He almost believes her, but not really.

“I got away. Ran into the forest.” Even now it doesn’t feel real, being back in his own flesh and bone. Using his fingers, standing up on two legs. It feels right and wrong all at the same time, like losing a limb and getting it back. There had been no one for so long, he’d had no contact with anyone. There had been a few hunters he doesn’t want to tell Kate about, can’t speak about the way he loved chasing them down and feasting on their insides. The wolf hunger inside him had driven him almost mad, the loneliness pushing him even closer.

“And then I found you.” Kate whispers, voice small like she’s afraid to break the fragile moment.

Seth smiles, feeling a lightness in his chest he’s only felt again since he met her. “And then you found me. Took me home like a lost dog.” He laughs, sharp in his throat.

Kate shakes her head, grinning. “No, not like that.” There’s that tug again, like she has a direct line on his heart. She bites her lip again and gently slips her hand from his. It feels like a loss.

Kate takes his tea and hands it to him. “Drink it, it’s got witchy herbs.” She laughs and it’s like bells. “I can’t even believe all of that.”

Seth takes a sip and tries not to make a face. He’s never really liked tea. He’s more afraid of what she’ll do next, he wouldn’t be surprised if she wanted him to go. After everything he’s done, as a wolf and as a man.

“I almost wish I hadn’t remembered.”

Kate reaches out and brushes his hair from his forehead. “You did bad things. You’re not making excuses for it, and you’re sorry.” Her thumb strokes down the side of his face and Seth swallows, his eyes shutting. He wants to nuzzle into her touch but resists, opens his eyes and nods.

“I still don’t feel like a good person. I’d still protect myself.” He finds her gaze, feels himself lost in the lush green of her eyes. “I’d still protect the people I care about.”

Kate shrugs, taking a deep breath. “I think given the right situation, we all would.” She looks so much bigger than herself, deeper and darker than he could imagine. Like the woods she found him in. There’s something about the way she says it that makes him feel like she understands him more than he would have thought.

It’s crazy, absolutely fucking crazy, but Seth feels this bond towards Kate that he thinks it would hurt if he strayed too far from her. He knows he’d kill for her, already has and would do it again without thinking.

He thinks of anyone else ever touching her, trying to harm her, and it makes him want to rip things apart.

“Do you forgive me?” Seth asks, voice soft.

Kate slowly licks her lips and Seth’s eyes follow her tongue, a different kind of hunger stirring inside him. She nods, and the tightness in his chest breaks. “I do. But you have to forgive yourself, too.”

Seth chuckles, taking a drink and setting it down. “Never been one of my strong suits, but I’ll try.”

--

Afterwards, they just fall into a type of comfortable companionship. Seth hasn’t felt this at home with someone since Richie, and it hadn’t been for a long time before he was turned.

Seth usually wakes up first, bored waiting for Kate to get up. He’s never been much of a reader and there isn’t much to do around the cabin. He makes her breakfast one morning, just runny eggs and burnt toast. Kate can’t stop smiling though, thanks him with a kiss to the cheek that makes his blood hot.

They go on a lot of walks, leaving footprints in the snow as they talk about whatever comes to mind. Kate talks about growing up a preacher’s daughter, about her mother. Seth tells her he never knew his mom, tries not to talk about his dad. He doesn’t want to seem weak in her eyes or pathetic, but the truth falls from him anyway. Kate just looks at him with kind eyes and says his dad was a monster.

Seth tries to adapt to being a human again but it’s not exactly easy. He still feels like a wolf sometimes, still gets the urge to get on all fours and run. He doesn’t, because he’d look like an ass, but the feeling is there. Speaking comes easy but he still gets caught on a word every now and then. When he eats his first instinct is to shove his face in the food and he has to hold back.

Once they’re walking and Seth sees a feral cat. He can’t help it, he growls and runs after it. Kate doesn’t stop laughing the whole way home, Seth’s face red. She just calls him a silly wolf and he grins.

Seth tries to make himself useful fixing up things around the cabin. Broken cabinets, creaky doors, screaming pipes. Kate complains about the lack of electricity and he says he’s not that good.

They sit in front of the fire at night, Kate reading and Seth fiddling with some project. He looks up at her, the flames dancing over her face, attention on the words on the page. It doesn’t take long for him to realize he’s totally gone, totally fucked. Kate’s beautiful, the way her eyes light up when she laughs or the soft pout of her mouth drives him crazy.

But he’s still a monster himself. Still not good enough for her, and he can’t ruin what they have to take that sort of stupid chance.

His favorite thing to do is watch her practice her magic. She always looks so unsure at first, like she’s expecting to fail. But he always has confidence she’ll be able to make the spell work. It’s like everything she touches turns to gold.

“Jesus.” He whispers, watching as she takes the pieces of a broken plate, tiny shards and all, and assembles them back seamlessly with just a wave of her hand.

Kate looks over at him from her spot on the floor and rolls her eyes. “Only on the twenty-third try.”

Seth shakes his head and stands, coming to sit down next to her. “Because everyone else can do that on the sixteenth try, right?”

Kate just laughs, holding the plate in her lap and tracing the floral pattern of it. “I don’t even know what I’m doing here. I could have gone anywhere. I feel like I’m hiding, like I’m still scared.” She lifts her head, eyes welling up. “I don’t want to be scared anymore.”

Outside, Seth can hear raindrops drizzling on the roof. He reaches out to touch Kate’s cheek, just takes her shoulder instead. “I’d be fucking terrified. I’m still terrified.”

She shakes her head and grins. “You’re a big bad wolf.”

“I’m a goddamn puppy.” They both laugh and Kate wipes her cheeks, tears Seth wants to lean forward and lick away.

Kate looks at him almost like she can see through his skull and Seth pulls back, taking the plate from her like he wants to inspect it. “You do need to learn how to conjure up some fast food though.”

Kate laughs again and Seth feels like he accomplished something.

--

Seth can hear those women from inside the truck crying. The echo of their wet sobs rings through his ears until it mixes in with his own heartbeat. His paws hurt, bleeding on the forest floor as he runs.

Santanico is chasing him through a fog of black smoke, floating above the ground with her arms spread wide as she gains on him. Carlos comes out of nowhere and Seth jumps on him, sinking his teeth into his throat and tearing it open.

He looks down at his hands, human again, dripping with warm blood that drips and melts into the snow. Seth stands and runs, finds his way to Kate’s cabin and slams the door behind him. He calls out for her but she won’t answer. He tries to go into her room but he can’t walk past the frame.

He looks up past the invisible barrier and sees Richie standing above her, watching as she sleeps and smiling. His teeth are long and sharp, his mouth stretched too wide.

Seth screams at her to wake up, screams at Richie to leave her alone. Richie just stares up at him, still smiling as the room bursts into flames. Seth is pounding on the wall he can’t see, his voice coming out as a mournful howl.

He wakes up to Kate hushing him, grabbing for his hands as he swings his arms out. “Seth, it’s okay. Seth, it’s a nightmare. I’m here, I’m here.”

He sits up, panting, gripping Kate’s hand tight as he tries to catch his breath with through harsh sobs. “Kate?”

She cups his cheek, looking down into his eyes with concern. “It’s me. You’re okay.”

“Richie, he - he was here. He wanted to hurt you.”

She shakes her head and swipes her thumb across his cheek, wiping away tears he must have cried in his sleep. “There’s no one here. It’s just me and you.”

Seth shakes his head, pressing his forehead into her lap. He just squeezes her hand, breathing her in deep. Kate strokes the back of his head until he relaxes and looks up at her.

“I’m sorry, I –“ He pulls his hand away even though he doesn’t want to but she still grips it tight.

“It’s okay.” Her voice is so hushed. She looks otherworldly where she sits next to him on the couch, moonlight from the window lighting up her silhouette and creating a blue halo around her head. “Come on.”

Kate stands, tugging on his hand and he gets up without a second thought. She leads him to her room and keeps pulling until he’s slipping into bed next to her under the quilt.

“Kate, I’m alright now, seriously.”

“Maybe I’m not.” She wraps his arm around her middle and sighs. “Maybe I’m sick of sleeping alone.”

Seth swallows, body tense. He wants nothing more than to relax against her, the heat from her body begging him to. He can barely see her in the dark but can feel her turn towards him.

“Do you want to leave?” Her voice is so small and scared. To be honest he’s still terrified from the dream, wants to prove to himself she’s okay with her flesh and blood body pressed to him. Just wants to touch her, really. Always does.

He shakes his head, just settles down on the pillow and relaxes. Kate sighs, winding her fingers with his and pressing back closer until their bodies are aligned. She pulls his hand up against her heart where he can feel it beating, strangely in sync with his own. Outside he can’t hear anything, not even the wind. All he can hear is their breathing. His senses are just overwhelmed with Kate, the sweet floral scent of her, the softness of her skin. More than anything he feels calm, aware of how much they’re touching and how it’s making something inside him pulse, but more than anything he feels safe.

“Do you have nightmares?” he asks, voice ghosting over the back of her neck.

“Yes.” Kate doesn’t say more. Seth just presses closer, grips her tighter.

That night he just dreams of running through the forest, happy, with a white wolf by his side.

--

He wakes up alone, body shivering even beneath the blanket. Seth rubs a hand over his face and looks around the room. Kate’s slippers are still by the door, her sweater hung over a chair. The bedroom door is open halfway and the place is colder than it should be.

“Kate?” Seth gets out of bed, feels a pull leading him outside.

He starts to panic, not even stopping to find shoes, running outside in the snow calling Kate’s name. There’s no one, the forest is dead quiet, but Seth still feels Kate tugging at him through a thread of connection.

Seth runs, breath coming out in clouds, trying to ignore the feeling of dread blossoming in his chest. He knows that there’s people who want her dead, and he can’t stop seeing the distorted faces of an angry mob every time he blinks.

“Kate!” There’s a wave of panic rising from his heart, but he sees her then. Floating, her back parallel to the ground, white nightgown hanging down almost transparent.

He rushes towards her, tries to grab her but can’t, feels some weird barrier keeping him away. Her skin is so white, almost gray even, he knows she must be freezing. He feels helpless but it’s like he can only watch and follow where she goes.

Which is miles from her cabin, past the gates of a cemetery. Seth walks in between the gravestones, close as he can behind her. Finally she stops over one grave, body settling on the ground. He kneels next to her, still can’t touch her, but watches as her eyes open.

Her lids open but only the whites of her eyes show, irises rolled back inside her head. Lips twitch like she’s saying something but Seth can’t hear anything. His fingers fist into the dirt, anger and fear curling up inside him because he can’t do anything, can’t even touch her.

“Kate!” He tries calling out to her, tries to snap her out of it, but it doesn’t work. Kate is just laid on the snow covered ground, mouthing silent words into the air beneath a gravestone. He reads the carved lettering and swears out loud at seeing her mother’s name.

Then, with a loud gasp of air like she’s coming back to life, Kate’s eyes shift to normal and she sits up reaching out for him. It’s only then he can lean forward and grab for her, pulling her close and wrapping her in his arms, dirt covered hands staining her dress.

“Kate! Kate, are you okay? Jesus, look at me!” He cups her chin, looking down at her face like she’s going to be damaged in some way, but she just looks terrified. Her skin is like touching ice, she’s shaking against him like she’s cold from deep within her bones.

“Seth, what happened?” She grips him tight around his neck, turns and sees her mother’s gravestone. “Oh God, she spoke to me, she – “, a man’s voice yelling from across the way interrupts her. Kate looks up and gasps. “Daddy?”

Seth turns to see an older man staring at them from the cemetery gate. He yells out Kate’s name but doesn’t make any move to come closer.

“We have to leave.” Kate says, teeth chattering. Seth stands without a word and lifts her up. He runs, carrying her, Kate clinging to him as he heads for her cabin. They don’t hear her father call after her again.

--

Seth gets her back to the cabin and kicks the door closed behind him, gently laying her on the couch and going to start a fire. Kate reaches out for him, shaking her head. “No, please. Just, it feels like I’m freezing from the inside out.”

Seth just cups her face, feeling useless. “What can I do?”

“Take me to the bath, please.”

Seth carries her to the tub, Kate still shivering in his arms and pressing her face into his chest. He runs the faucet and Kate uses what strength she has to heat the water. He cradles her down into the tub and runs a hand down her face.

Kate shuts her eyes, teeth still chattering a little, reaching up and gripping his wrist. When she finally stops shaking she blinks her eyes open and her mouth curves up a little. “Thank you.” She says softly.

Seth just shakes his head. “Of course. Jesus, do you feel better?”

Kate nods, shifting in the tub and it’s only then he looks down over her body. Sees her long legs stretched out along the porcelain, her gown floating up around her thighs. He averts his eyes because now is not the time for that but it still makes something inside him ache.

“What happened? You said your mom talked to you?” He runs her thumb over her cheek and she licks her lips, the color of them finally slowly turning back her normal shade of rose instead of blue.

Kate sits up a little, her gown falling wet across her chest and Seth has to fight not to look down. “I don’t know, it feels like a dream.” Kate looks down and cross her arms over herself and Seth pulls back, flushing red.

“I should leave.” He makes to stand but Kate reaches out with one hand to stop him.

“Please, I don’t want to be alone right now.” They both look at where she’s holding his hand, and Seth winds his fingers with hers. He nods, grabbing a stool from nearby and dragging it beneath him to sit.

“Aren’t you cold, too?” Kate asks softly, squeezing his hand.

Seth shrugs, draping one arm on the edge of the tub. “Wolves run hotter, I guess.”

Kate just grins, her eyelids drifting closed.

“Kate?” Seth says, panicking a little again. He doesn’t even know what just happened and how much it took out of her.

“It’s okay, I’m just so tired.” Kate yawns, letting her head rest back. “Mama said there was a darkness coming. She said they’re watching us.”

Seth sits up straighter, reaching up and gently brushing a lock of hair off Kate’s face. “What do you mean? Who’s watching us?” He asks, voice hushed.

Kate’s fading, sleep slowly pulling her into its warm embrace. She sighs and lets her face fall into his hand. “The ones who use blood magic.”

Seth feels his own blood run cold at that, but he can only watch Kate fall asleep and leave him to his own thoughts. Like how he’s sure she’s talking about the witch who turned him, and can just feel that his brother is involved.

Seth runs a thumb over Kate’s bottom lip, and squeezes her hand tight. He knows she’s strong, her powers getting stronger by the day. But he also knows he’s not going anywhere, and that if she needs him he’s going to be there to protect her.

Even if he has to rip someone apart to do it.